#root of negative self image

[barryb64]

Chapter 2: A Summer of Hell

Don't let a horrific event take you captive. It is possible to escape what I called "A Summer of Hell"

Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com In the previous chapter, I alluded to a story written a few years ago. A Summer of Hell centers on a tragic event in the summer of 1983. When I originally wrote the story for my blog, I struggled with finding an apt title.  A Summer of Hell is the only title that I could come up with. What happened? (more…)

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#dealing with physical abuse #emotional abuse #forgiving means letting go #forgiving others #forgiving self #Getting help to forgive #God helps in forgiving #Jesus is greater than our shame #not a victim of abuse #overcoming abuse #overcoming shame #root of negative self image #root of terrible self image

[easays]

To Ragh; or, On Fatness

Hi! Below is an actual play mini-essay. These are written as part of a personal writing practice of thinking critically about actual play. I hope you find this reading engaging and know that all I write reflects my own interpretations rather than as an official representation/canonization of these shows. Keep reading for my interpretation of Ragh Barkrock's fatness as part of queer representation in Dimension20.

Ragh Barkrock may be one of the most beloved NPCs in Dimension20. It would be easy for Ragh, a bloodrush player good enough to potentially play professionally, to be presented as hypermasculine. In fact, the freshmen year art for Ragh, when he was antagonist rather than beloved ally, showed him in a muscular, inverted Dorito shaped body typical of a jock.

He's, obviously, built, and his cut jaw and cheekbones only bolster that image. As Ragh comes to terms with being gay at the end of Fantasy High, his countenance changes. When we see him again, the new art reflects a chubbier, happier Ragh.

The show aligning weight gain with acceptance and happiness already works against prevailing stereotypes that use weight loss as a quick metaphor for improving yourself and being the "real you." Moreover, connecting Ragh's acceptance of his sexuality with what seems like a larger comfort in his own body is a strong indictment of hypermasculine gay culture. As Gabriel Arana writes, gay men "must reconcile their sense of masculinity with their failure to conform to its heterosexuality." Not doing so has negative mental health outcomes, as Arana points out, and contributes to a culture that devalues fat queer people (see the popular "no fats, no femmes, no Asians" that often is touted in masculine gay subculture).

All of this, I think, is why Ragh's art for Junior Year was particularly impactful for me as a fat queer person. If being a gay man (or half-Orc, in Ragh's case) means having to situate your life in relationship to failing compulsory masculinity, then it seems there is an inherent queer aspect to embracing, celebrating, and showcasing a beloved NPC in an explicitly fat and happy body.

FHJY Ragh art by @caitmayart

Ragh is still strong and he is still fat. His body radiates a commitment to the power of fat bodies to exist in spaces they are often violently unwelcome in, such as gyms. Existing in gyms and sports spaces as fat people means dealing the "impossible standard that rejects nearly all of us" and upholds a diet culture rooted in impossible, Eurocentric and colonial body standards. In TTRPGS or actual plays, there is a unique opportunity to think about how bodies might exist in worlds different from ours, to imagine bodyminds as otherwise. However, as queer critics like Paul Preciado have noted, sci-fi and fantasy representations of cyborgs and other transformative bodies often lean into "fixing" disabled people or moving gender nonconforming bodies more easily towards technologies upholding a normative standard rather than questioning the standard all together.

Spyre is a world that deals with similar issues to ours, even without direct one-to-one correlations, so it, too, is a place where the narrative and artistic choices should be examined in how it helps us interpolate the world the audience resides in. From the Applebees cultish adherence to a deity-based nationalism to the various representations of parental neglect and abuse and every side story in-between, Dimension20's flagship show does not shy away from difficult realities even when recasting them through fantasy. Ragh, as a half-orc gay son of a disabled single mother, then, I see the arc his fat body goes through as meaningful and intertwined with his self-acceptance and queerness. He moves away from the toxic masculinity engineered into his blood rush team to instead pursue coalition comraderie with his friends to the point that he and his mother end up joining a communal living situation with those friends and their parents. Ragh's body expands as his family does, as his ties to community do, and to me, the gift of his fatness is the invitation to expansion that it holds out to us as viewers.

#dimension 20 #actual play #fantasy high: junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #ragh barkrock #lydia barkrock #brennan lee mulligan #emily axford #lou wilson #zac oyama #siobhan thompson #ally beardsley #brian murphy #riz gukgak #kristen applebees #fabian seacaster #adaine abernant #gorgug thistlespring #figeroth faeth

[trynagetabunchabitchestokneel]

Thoughts on Lokius (from a Former Sylkie Shipper)

When season one was airing, I was a casual Sylkie shipper. Mostly, I just wanted to see Loki in love. I thought it would be such interesting character development, a side of him we had never seen before. I also remember telling my friends “oh my god, it makes so much sense for Loki to be in love with a variant of himself, because he thinks he’s the greatest thing alive.” I remember sitting in front of the TV and cheering at their kiss. (yea yea “selfcest” i don’t care blah blah blah. It’s a fantasy show with a crocodile Loki and a horny holographic clock. DON’T CARE)

Anyways, after a couple of years, I’m starting to see things differently.

Loki acts like he thinks he’s the greatest thing alive. Obviously it’s a defense mechanism. We’ve all known this since the first Thor movie. It’s one of the reasons we love him so much- he has such depth.

Anyways, he has so many deep-rooted self image issues, and while I’m fine with Sylkie, I just don’t think Sylvie is the greatest thing for him. (Why am I acting like Loki’s therapist rn? What am I on about?) He can see his negative traits in Sylvie, and she can see hers in him.

And I may be late to the party- but I’m starting to see the Lokius thing.

Mobius has put so much faith in Loki from the very beginning. He’s known the entire time who Loki is at his core, despite his wrongdoings. He doesn’t love Loki because he, himself, IS Loki. He loves Loki… just because he loves Loki.

They also have this undeniable chemistry. It lights up every scene they’re in together.

Maybe it’s “platonic,” or “brotherly,” or whatever, and like most Lokius shippers, I don’t think Disney/Marvel would ever make it canon. But I would love to see it.

#honestly the ‘you okay?’ after sylvie hits him with the magic? #the TANDEM BIKE? #lokius #loki laufeyson #loki series #loki season 2 #loki #mobius

[sensualnoiree]

astro notes: jupiter 🪐💫

Jupiter embodies a multifaceted symbolism that is deeply rooted in its associations with growth, expansion, wisdom, and spiritual evolution. Often linked with the metal tin and representing qualities of malleability and resistance to corrosion. This association suggests that Jupiter's influence encourages individuals to be adaptable and resilient in their spiritual journeys, while also remaining steadfast against negative influences.

Associated with the element of air, symbolizing intellect, expansion of consciousness, and the dissemination of knowledge. Air is seen as a purifying element, really suggesting that Jupiter's influence can help clear mental obstacles and facilitate the growth of higher understanding.

Esoterically, Jupiter is seen as a planet of trust, faith, growth, and expansion. It symbolizes adventure and hope, inspiring individuals to embrace new experiences and opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Jupiter's association with the etheric heart center highlights its role in connecting the individual with the cosmic sphere. It fosters a sense of unity with the universe, allowing human actions to be instilled into the essence of the images of the cosmos. This suggests that Jupiter's influence transcends individuality, contributing to the unfolding and metamorphosis of forms at the heart of evolution.

In Sagittarius, Jupiter's influence is amplified, as this sign resonates deeply with Jupiter's qualities of expansion, growth, and spiritual questing. Sagittarius is associated with the element of fire, representing inspiration, enthusiasm, and the spark of divine creativity. This fiery nature aligns with Jupiter's alchemical association with the metal tin, suggesting a transformative and dynamic energy that propels individuals towards higher understanding and enlightenment.

Sagittarius is also linked to the ninth house in astrology, which is traditionally associated with higher learning, philosophy, and travel. This connection further emphasizes Jupiter's role in broadening one's horizons through intellectual exploration and spiritual expansion. Individuals with strong Sagittarian or Jupiterian influences in their charts are often drawn to philosophical and spiritual pursuits, seeking to understand the deeper meaning of life and their place in the universe.

In Pisces, Jupiter's energy takes on a more mystical and transcendent quality. Pisces is a water sign, symbolizing the depths of the unconscious mind, intuition, and spiritual sensitivity. This watery nature aligns with Jupiter's alchemical association with the process of projection, suggesting a deep-seated urge to merge with the divine and project one's inner transformation onto the world.

Pisces is associated with the twelfth house in astrology, which is traditionally linked to spirituality, introspection, and hidden knowledge. This connection further emphasizes Jupiter's role in guiding individuals towards spiritual enlightenment and self-discovery. People with strong Piscean or Jupiterian influences in their charts are often highly intuitive and empathetic, with a deep understanding of the interconnectedness of all beings.

follow for more astro insights like this and support me over on yt @quenysefields or instagram sensualnoiree

#jupiter #astrologer #astrology readings #astrology signs #astro #astrology #astro blog #astro community #astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astro posts #astroblr #astrology chart #astrology fyp #astrology notes #astrology observations #astronotes #astro stuff #astrology stuff #pisces #sagiittarius #spirituality #mpls #gemini #aries #taurus #cancer #leo #virgo

[aro-comics]

Maybe More People Are Arospec (Part 3)

Maybe More People Are Arospec, 3/3 - The Alloaro Edition, in which we cover some alloaro specific (negative) tropes that I personally believe is the reason why there are so few people who identify as alloaro 🙃

I both have everything and nothing to say on this one, because the topic at hand hits home harder than I want to admit 😔. I think it's important to acknowledge the harm that constantly enforcing these ideas about sex without romance as being inherently emotionally drainining, a sign of emotional immaturity, or predatory, etc. probably damages the self-perception and self-worth of most alloaros greatly. Of course,:I understand that NOT ALL highlighted are inherently related to being alloaro - but the way these ideas are framed, especially in the split panel, imply sex without romance is the root of the problem, which in reality it is not. A lack of communication, respect for other's boundaries, or being flat out a predator is the actual issue here.

Anyway, I do understand the intersection of different issues that lead to the ideas that I referenced in the comic (elaborated more in the comments). I suppose the solution, as usual, is more education and more nuance surrounding the discussion 😅😉

I'm so glad to finally have this last part of the series up! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and for sure let me know if there's anything else that I haven't covered here you think also keeps people from realizing that they're aromantic 💚💚💚

[Image Description:

Slide 1: Celia sits on a green armchair in a living room. "Actually, let's make this take even more spicy - maybe a lot more people are alloaro in particular."

Slide 2: She looks down. "Alloaros are more likely to be labelled as heartless, or feel that on top of being 'broken' there's something predatory about themselves -"

Slide 3: "There's this idea that people who only want sex, and not romance, are the kind of people you want to avoid. Who don't care who they hurt. You know the trope - "

Slide 4: An illustrated example of the stereotypical trope. Shown is a house party where two characters are interacting. A taller man leans over a clearly intimidated woman:

"Hey Babe, you alone here tonight?" "Umm …" "Come on, don't be so cold, why don't you loosen up a little?" "No, uh-"

An arrow points to the man that says ""the predatory-college-fuckboy-frat-bro-trope"

Slide 5: Another series of examples, this time illustrated from Celia's childhood. The panel is split into three as you progress through the years. In each section Celia watches a television show.

1: "You can't trust him, ALL he does is sleep around - he's never settled down" 2: "Sorry I'm only looking for something casual right now …" "You're scared of commitment" "No, I-" "You're just using me!" 3: "At least it happened with someone who's loved her and been dating her forever", this is in reference to a teenaged character having sex the first time.

In this last section celia says, forlorn, "There's something wrong with ME, isn't there?"

Slide 6: Celia speaks to viewer directly. "I sure as hell didn't want to admit I was Aro because I knew I wasn't Ace."

Slide 7: "So yeah, those are my thoughts. I've told my allo friends about my theories and they …"

Slide 8: "… didn't exactly believe me." Celia is shown video chatting with her friend, saying "So those are my theories as to why romantic attraction is probably less common than we think, and why there's probably way more Aro people! People are probably too embarassed to admit it because stigma or never even realized it!"

Friend awkwardly says "I … I'm sorry I gotta say I don't agree …"

Slide 9: Celia holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. "Maybe it's just an Aro thing."]

#regularcomic #MMPA #MaybeMorePeopleAreArospec #thealloaroedition

[prolix-yuy]

Sheer

(Moodboard by @missredherring)

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x Plus Sized F!Reader

Summary: You owe more to an unlikely savior than you could ever imagine.

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: T, discussion of off-screen character death (cancer), negative body image and self-worth talk, light spicy thoughts, angst. While this story is not explicit, my blog and the content shared on it is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: This story was a real surprise and a treat to pop out of my head one morning, especially with a Pedro boy I haven't written for! Our reader is a plus sized girlie in this story, and we're dealing with some negative body image and self-worth talk on both sides. The reader also discusses the death of a friend, so if that may be triggering to you feel free to scroll along, lovely reader.

This should have been your best first day. The first day at the job that will finally get your head above water. The first time you’ve felt qualified, and that you’d fit in. And the first where you could see the stepping stones to something bigger and better in front of you.

It was your fucking thighs that ruined it all.

You’d wanted to make a good first impression. Bought a whole new outfit just to show how committed you were, down to the thigh-high stockings and matching underwear. That was for you, something under the pencil skirt and blazer that made you feel even more powerful. It had cost a pretty penny too. Your ample bottom and full figure needed good support, and that plus lace was always the highest price at the lingerie boutiques. But you shelled it out, along with their recommended garters and thigh highs “for peak professionalism,” and were feeling yourself as you strutted off the subway. There was practically a soundtrack playing behind you. Maybe “Uptown Girl,” the notes making a smile come to your face and your head bob as you exited the train.

You’re normally more careful, aware of how much more space your body takes up than the other knockout New York girls streaming around you. But confidence had you swinging your hips and stepping confidently…right until you bumped into a woman’s handbag with an aggressive closure, the metal skimming past your calf and over the delicate nylon.

It ran instantly, a testament to how much of a rip-off these undergarments were. You felt it split along the length of your shapely leg as you hurried out of the station and towards the gleaming monolith of your office. Scurrying inside, you slipped into the bathroom unnoticed to assess the damage.

The run had split into a gaping maw down your leg, the smooth fantasy of the nylon revealing the more mottled flesh underneath. You held back tears as you wracked your brain for a solution. You could run to a shop, get a replacement pair. You’re still early to clock in, wanting to arrive punctually to impress your supervisor. That’s it, you’d just pop out to a drugstore for a new pair and no one would be the wiser.

It was a perfect plan. You just needed to move. But you can’t. You’re rooted to the spot. 

The mirror mocks you, internal monologue screaming to the forefront from where you battered her back this morning.

Wouldn’t have ripped them if you were smaller.

Why do you need to take up so much space?

Did you think all this would change what you are?

Nastier names you call yourself only in the torture chamber of your mind echo in your ears. Your mascara is dangerously close to running, eyes catching on every flaw in your outfit, every wrinkle, everything that screams don’t look at the parts I hate, every unflattering angle. You reach deep to return to that carefree state you held just fifteen minutes ago but it’s dissipated like steam from a coffee cup. 

Grabbing a handful of tissues you storm into a stall and lock it, leaning over to let the tears drip onto the floor without ruining your makeup. The minutes are ticking away, time running out to fix your minor wardrobe malfunction, but the ache in your head and behind your eyes has become the only thing you can focus on now. Your sobs are quiet little sniffles and short gasps, thankful for the privacy.

Suddenly, the door to the bathroom slams open, and you shoot up, holding your breath. You’re not alone anymore.

Someone in smart leather shoes smacks across the floor, walking past the stalls and coming to a stop. A zip, then the tinkle of urination. Your expression crumples on itself in confusion.

Then a deep, masculine sigh reaches your ears, and your face quickly burns with embarrassment.

Fuck, did you walk into the men’s room?

You didn’t even check, just burst in to the first door with a toilet on it. There may have been urinals, but you were too preoccupied in the moment to pay them any mind. You clap your hands over your mouth, lightheaded at the fact that you’re listening to a grown man piss and he has no idea you’re in here. This day has turned from amazing to devastating to mortifying so quickly you could throw up. 

The man finishes, striding over to the sinks to wash up. You breathe a sigh of relief, ready to make a mad dash out before someone else enters. The water turns off, a few flicks of his hands in the sink, and then…

He starts talking.

“This is your day,” he says, an order that you can imagine him doing in the mirror. “You will succeed in what you do, and you will find satisfaction in that success. You will continue to grow, and be proud of yourself. You will start doing that today.” With every word you cringe inwardly. He’s so earnest-sounding, really enunciating his daily affirmations in a public restroom. His voice is pleasing to listen to at least. If he was a late night radio DJ you would certainly tune in to him to fall asleep. 

A moment of silence, a silent hope.

“This is your day…”

Oh for fuck’s sake, embarrassment be damned, you can’t keep listening to this.

“Hi there,” you squeak out, your whole body tense as his monologue cuts off sharply. The pause is at least ten months pregnant before he speaks.

“I-I’m so sorry, I thought I was alone,” he stammers out, two quick steps heading towards the door.

“No, I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t even be here, it’s…” Your words run out of steam when you realize his footsteps have stopped.

“You’re a woman. In the men’s room.”

You can’t help but smirk. He’s a little slow on the uptake. It’s surprisingly sweet.

“It’s been a rough morning.”

Another pause.

“Are you in trouble?”

You peal out a weak laugh.

“Nothing like that, just…” Taking a deep breath, you blow it out. Might as well admit your failures to a stranger. “I ripped my pantyhose on the way here, and it’s my first day and I wanted to make a good impression, and then I got overwhelmed and…” Your breath starts to quicken, and below the Pepto Bismol pink stall you see two shoes slowly approach. They’re well cared for, supple shining leather, but scuffed all along the toe. Tan slacks overtop the laces, a crisp pleat ironed into the length. You even see a glimpse of striped socks underneath, a collection of garish colors that makes you smile.

“Hey, it’s okay,” the voice says soothingly, closer than before. His accent sounds Spanish before he manually flattens it, forcing it back into his throat in favor of an all-American good boy accent. It eases the tension in your shoulders, sitting down on the toilet seat and dabbing at your eyes. 

“I know it’s stupid. And I should just go out and get another pair. I just…” you say, but struggle to voice what’s really bothering you to a man who hasn't seen your face. Who probably doesn’t care who you are beyond a bizarre Monday morning anecdote. Most don’t, after all. You can’t remember how many times a man has looked through you because of the roundness of your tummy, or the thickness of your thighs. Or even worse, devoured your curves with roaming eyes but won’t look you in the eye, or call you back. 

“It’s not stupid. You wanted to feel ready to take on the day, and something bad happened. We all deal with it,” he says, the gentle register he’s taking on soothing to your frayed nerves. “Do you have a place to go for another pair?” he asks. You bite your lip, shaking your head before realizing he can’t see you.

“First time out here, but I can manage,” you say timidly. The embarrassment of your predicament is climbing back up your throat, the thrumming need to get out and away making your hands shake.

“I know a place, but it’s probably quicker for me to run out for you. Do you want to stay here while I get them?” 

You sputter, a thousand excuses why he should not do that roiling in your brain. “You don’t have to,” is the only one you manage to get out, heart hammering. A little chuckle wafts to your ears, and the heat in your cheeks blooms in your tummy as well. He sounds handsome, and that is short-circuiting your brain even more.

“I have gone on an errand or two in my life,” he jokes, feet making their way towards the door. “Lock it behind me so no one else comes in. I’ll do this -” He knocks on the door in a quick but recognizable pattern. “- when I’m back. It should only be a few minutes.”

“You’re that good huh?” You stammer again, your whole body threatening to light on fire in this stall. This man may come back to a pile of ash instead of a woman dying of embarrassment. 

“Eh, I could be better,” he says, and the door to the outside opens with a rush of lobby noise. “Be right back.”

A thick slam lets you sneak out to bolt the lock. Returning to the mirror that betrayed you just minutes before, you watch your reflection. Behind the roundness in your face you pick at and criticize, you recognize another emotion. Determination, and fortitude you push yourself to stop downplaying. You can overcome this setback. Nothing is lost. If anything, you might have gained a confidant, someone you could laugh about this comedy of errors with over coffee in the break room. 

You’ll be sure to thank him properly when he gets back.

Maxwell Lorenzano hurries out of the office building he’s worked in for six months, down the street and to the Macy’s two blocks away. He knows these roads like the back of his hand, and all of the stores that line them. A good thing to keep in his back pocket when he was pitching new products and charming sales people. Especially good when he knows exactly which door to go through to get to the women’s delicates section.

He strides in with all the glorious purpose of a man on a mission, and people part for him. He likes to think it’s because he cuts an impressive figure, tan suit over a white button-up, brown and yellow striped tie flapping with urgency. But there’s always the nagging worry that it’s because they recognize him. That the scurry away is fear. He’d been confronted in the past, a handful of angry men and women who wanted to take out their frustrations with their fists. But worse is the anxiety, the fear, like he could snap his fingers and magic them out of existence.

The aftermath of that damn stone still hangs heavy around his neck.

“Can I help you?” a petite saleswoman asks when Max comes to a stop in the nylon section. His sudden drop in demeanor from confident to hesitant must have signaled her over. In his eagerness he didn’t even ask his damsel in distress which kind she needed, or her size. He chews his lip in contemplation.

“I’m looking for a pair of nylons for my…” He pauses, no words coming to mind. His unlikely acquaintance? His mystery girl locked in the men’s room? His noble quest? The saleswoman - Karla, her name tag informs him - puts him out of his misery.

“I can help you with that. What kind does she wear? Control top? Thigh highs?”

Max’s mouth dries out. The most he knows of her is the glimpse he got of her feet, sensible black heels, well worn. The sight warmed something in his chest. She must be a hard worker, someone on her feet all day and always up to run an errand for a friend. He bets they ache at the end of a long day. Does she have someone to rub them for her?

“What do…most women wear to an office?” he asks, flitting his eyes over the variety of styles and shades.

“All the professional women I know use thigh highs. Easier in the office than a full set.” Karla directs him to the right section. “What size is she?”

Damn, this is where his lack of foresight fails him. He should have asked, but the intimacy of that question died on his tongue. Why did they size nylons in weight and height, the two most sensitive topics? He’d rather swallow a mouthful of glass than ask. Picking up one of the packets, he flips it to the size chart. There are only four options, which is easier than he expected.

“I can’t remember, better safe than sorry. One of each,” he says, Karla’s well-manicured eyebrows shooting into her hairline.

“And what color?” Karla asks. He noted that at least. 

“Sheer black.”

Karla moves to grab a handful of the basic style, the cheapest on the display, before Max stops her.

“These ones,” he amends, tapping the more expensive set. If she’d already torn one pair, another flimsy set wouldn’t do. It had nothing to do with the fact that the lace edging the expensive ones is more delicate, a prettier pattern, and thinking of giving it to you raises goosebumps on the back of his neck. 

He doesn’t even know you. It’s just…practical.

Karla rings up his purchases without further question, though maybe a little side-smile. She gives Max a brighter one when he takes the bag.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” she comments, scurrying off before he can respond. His face burns hot as he exits the store, checking his watch. The innocuous word - boyfriend - pings in his mind.

It had been some time since Max had run an errand for anyone. A few empty flings followed his divorce but nothing substantial enough to require a trip to the drugstore, or even a coffee shop. It was one of his favorite things about being a husband. He lived for the little memos on his desk blotter - Mrs. Lord needs you to pick up hairspray and milk - and followed them to the letter and beyond. He prided himself in knowing her favorite scents, what brands she preferred, what she turned her nose up at and what feminine products she needed. Sometimes he’d slip in something extra, a bouquet of flowers, a simple card. She’d groan at the expense, especially in the most dire times, but it always ended with her on her tiptoes kissing him, whispering, “My hero,” in his ear. 

He really enjoyed being her hero, even after everything that happened. 

It’s still early enough that his bathroom stowaway won’t be late to her first day. He’ll get to swoop in and save the day, be a hero to one person for a short moment. Jogging back into the office, the clash in humidities making his shirt stick to his back, he returns to the bathroom door. Rapping his pattern on it, he waits for the shick of the lock and a few moments more in case she wants to be back in the stall when he enters. 

Stepping in and locking the door behind him, the open space is still empty, her shoes in her stall. Her toes are pointed towards each other, legs nervously rubbing.

“I, uh, forgot to ask your size,” Max blurts out, cringing immediately at the first thing that comes to mind. He knows she’s holding her breath, so he speeds through the next part. “Those sizing charts are more invasive than a doctor’s visit, so I just got one of everything, and the shop lady said that thigh highs are what everyone’s wearing but I’m not an expert so I hope it’s…okay.” He trails off before stepping further in and sliding the bag under the stall door. He scolds himself not to look further but he does catch a glance at her shapely calves before straightening back up. 

“I can…leave now. Unless you want me to stay until you��re ready to go. What…whatever you want.”

She still hasn’t said anything and it’s heavier than his anxiety on his chest. He’s sure he’s offended her, or completely screwed this one small task up. Leave it to him to take helping a stranger to new, wildly creepy levels. Should he have just gone to reception to ask a woman for help? Is she mortified a man she’s never seen bought her something so intimate? 

He waits in agony.

You try to comprehend what this stranger has handed you. In his absence you practiced thanking him for what you assumed would be the wrong size of pantyhose. You planned how you would reassure him that he could leave so you could escape to the women’s room and struggle into whatever he returned with. 

But instead, he surprises you with a folded bag tucked discreetly under the bathroom stall. 

Four identical pairs of thigh-highs, all matching your outfit, and in every size you could hope for. Pulling out the correct packet, your breath catches in your throat. They’re nicer than you allow yourself to buy, the high-quality nylon silky under your touch. The lace along the edge is finely textured, beautifully designed.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you say, your voice faraway to your own ears, a ball forming in your throat. The man’s feet shuffle against the tile floor. 

“I hope you don’t think I’m being a creep. My ex-wife always said I was good at finding exactly what she needed.”

His voice is tight, and it plucks at your heart.

“Not a creep, you’re definitely my hero today,” you manage to say, rolling down the ruined pantyhose. The other follows, tucking your bare toes into your shoes to protect them from the cold floor. The man paces outside while you stretch each new nylon up your legs. 

“Definitely not how I thought my day would start,” he says, the smile in his voice making your first real one grace your lips. 

“Me neither. I can pay you for these.”

“I could never accept. I’ll return the extras, but please. Consider them a ‘welcome to the office’ gift. Or consolation after the morning you’ve had.”

“Oh, so you work here too? Great, now I’ll have to worry about bumping into you in the other men’s bathrooms.”

“I would gladly approach all bathrooms with caution if I got to run into you in one again.”

A softer pause than before.

“Would you like me to leave?”

Smoothing the lace band around your plush thigh, you let your fingertips trace the edge. Briefly, you imagine fingers other than your own following the same path before hooking underneath to slide them down inch by inch, replaced by soft lips. 

“I’d like to thank my savior face to face,” you tease, smoothing your skirt and toeing your shoes back on. You dab some toilet paper under your eyes, pat your hair, and take a deep breath before exiting the bathroom stall.

The stall door slams shut as the man who saved your day turns to face you. His eyes light on your face first, open curiosity melting into a charming smile that is…familiar. In fact, a lot of him is familiar. His wide shoulders, suit jacket stretching against them. The sweep of his blond hair, not as light as it used to be but still caramel with burnt sugar strands. His large hands, no longer sporting a Rolex or an ostentatious pinky ring. And his face, one of the most recognizable in recent years, wearing an expression you’ve never seen. If you weren’t so dumbstruck you’d think it was appreciation. It was the look someone might give before calling you beautiful. 

“Max Lorenzano…”

“Max Lord.”

His introduction trips over your recognition, dazed expression sharpening and shattering under those two words. The hope in his eyes dims as he schools his expression into acceptance, honey-golden aura swapped for the cool light of cold winter mornings.

“I’ll go. My apologies,” he says, simple, direct. You’re sure this has happened to him many times, possibly followed by shouts or sneers. Your own words stick in your throat as he claps his hands together and moves to leave. Thankfully your hands are fast enough, wrapping around his arm and pulling him to a stop.

“No, please, wait,” you finally manage, your bodies so close you’re burned by the heat radiating off his jacket. He turns in your grip, which you release to clasp your hands in front of your stomach. 

“I didn’t mean…you startled me, I never expected…” you start, rolling your next words around in your mouth. He watches you, half wary, half hopeful. This close you can see how the edges of his lips are slightly chewed, how close his shave is, the sheen of sweat along his neck. He must have ran to get back here so quickly. Your heart thumps weakly against your ribs.

“I never thought I’d ever come face to face with the person who granted my wish,” you say, watching his jaw tighten in anticipation of vitriol. 

“When I saw you on TV, and you asked me what my one desire was, I had…so many things come to mind. To be prettier, thinner, beautiful.” You can tell he wants to say something but you barrel on before you lose your nerve. “But I’m not a complete idiot, I’ve seen a few movies about wishes. I know those things can blow up in your face, and I don’t think I could take being hurt about how I looked by some magic rock.” 

Max’s hand cups your elbow, thumb rubbing a soothing path.

“So I closed my eyes and I wished exactly this: I want one more day with my best friend at the time in her life when she was happiest.” The next breath you take in shakes. “She died seven years ago. Breast cancer. I miss her every day, and I just wanted one more with her. And I got my wish. And it was the best fucking day. The world outside might have been a mess, but we watched our favorite movies, snuck out to the spots we loved before she got sick, ate our favorite foods and talked all night. And I know it was real because she handed me my own ass and made me come to terms with some shit I did not like about myself. Only she would do that.” You fight against the tears, a sniffle coming out instead, as Max watches you with blossoming wonder. 

“And when it was done she hugged me and told me to kick ass and eat cake and break hearts and I’ve been doing my best ever since.” You let out a watery giggle, Max’s smile warming your cheeks. “I never thought I’d be able to thank the person who gave me my best day, but then, here you are, giving me something I needed again. So, wow, thank you. I…thank you.”

Max clears his throat, his own eyes glassy.

“Can I hug you?” he asks, and you push into his arms without further preamble. He holds you with deep breaths, both of your hearts cracking open and healing pressed together. The overwhelming scent of sweat and spicy deodorant and the warmth of his skin is a balm to your frazzled nerves. His cheek rests against your forehead and when you squeeze him a little tighter he returns it. 

When you part, your reddened eyes and sniffling noses make you both snort out laughs, moving to the sink to freshen up. You powder your face, surprisingly unselfconscious after all that just happened. Max straightens his tie and sweeps back his hair. It looks soft, barely styled. His shoulders seem lighter.

Both presentable, he lets you into the hallway, hazarding a peek to prevent any scandal. You walk side by side as he asks you where you’re starting work - transcription - and you ask where you’ll be able to find him - the mailroom. He waits for you to sign in with the front desk before leading you to the elevators, not so surreptitiously angling for the empty one before leading you in. He’s meant to be going down a floor, but rides with you up to the sixth.

“I’m glad you made that wish,” he says once the doors shut, the elevator whirring to life under your feet. “And that you didn’t make the other ones. You’re already beautiful.” He says the last three words quietly, like they would spook you if he said them with his whole chest. Your cheeks burn, the smile dimpling them. “And…thank you. For telling me. No one’s ever told me they’ve been happy.”

You ride in silence until just before your floor, turning to look at the man who gave you so much. He’s watching you like a miracle, like he wants to wrap you in his arms again, like he wants to say something very stupid to a person he barely knows. He swallows it instead, but you can’t help yourself. You lift up on your tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek, and savor the way he leans into it.

“My hero,” you whisper, stepping out to let the doors close between you.

Your lips, and your words, linger on him for days. Your impressions lingers on his heart for longer. After a week he tries to forget, to push you to the background in a futile attempt at self-preservation. You don’t know him, and he doesn’t know you. Fate smashed you together but you should part just as quickly, save you both the heartache. He’s still a complicated man, and you deserve better than that.

It works until he gets a piece of mail for you, two weeks later, and possessed by some boldness he’s forgotten he has, he plasters a sticky note on it.

“I hope your first week has been better than your first day.”

He wants to write so much more, but knowing anyone could see it stops his hand. 

He doesn’t expect a response, at least not right away. You might still be embarrassed. So when he’s closing up at the end of the day and you come up beside him, the shock on his face breaks you into laughter. 

“My week has been nowhere near as good as my first day,” you finally say. “But I did find a good place to eat a few blocks away. Great dinner options.” Max’s heart pulls between stopping and beating uncontrollably in his chest until he finally says, “We better check it out then.”

The laughter is just as easy as the first day, the conversation even better. He refuses to let you leave without trying the milkshakes, and beams when he watches something heavy fall off your shoulders as you look at him. 

You tell him more about your life, your friend that brought you both together more than she’d ever imagined. He tells you about the life he lives now, of Alistair and how proud he is of him. Questions and anecdotes and words both loud and soft wrap around you in the wooden booth. It’s the first time in a long time that he’s felt like Maxwell Lorenzano.

When he walks you to your subway stop Max’s hand falls to your lower back and remains. The soft way you look at him makes him think that maybe all his heroics have finally gotten him somewhere after all.

And next time he finds himself in a bathroom with you, it’s very much on purpose.

END

I didn't want to spoil the turn, but yeah that's the face he gives her and it makes me emotional just looking at it.

#max lord x reader #maxwell lord x you #maxwell lord x reader #prolix fics

[saintsenara]

Oooo thoughts on remus/james? :0

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

my preferred version of the marauders' dynamic is that james is the central figure in each of their lives [and that, without him, peter, remus, and sirius don't... automatically gel] and absolutely integral to each of their senses of self.

which means that, when it comes to shipping them, i am very much of the opinion that james potter and his three boyfriends is canon.

but i also think that there's a subtle difference in each of the marauders' platonic relationship with james, which would impact how any romantic relationship with him functioned.

and with wolfbucks i think you have - in comparison to prongsfoot, which is so rampantly codependent, and to wormbucks, which will be influenced by the resentment and jealousy of james which must lurk under peter's outward affection for him - a relationship in which a constructed, flawless version of james is worshipped by remus and the james who actually exists is never approached by his friend as a real person.

we see this in canon - that, while sirius' grief for james feels more visceral and raw than remus', sirius is also able to acknowledge the reality of james much more openly, while remus chafes against the idea that he might have had any negative characteristics at all. remus is the person who dismisses the tension between snape and james as snape's jealousy of james being talented and sexy in prisoner of azkaban; when harry confesses having seen his father being a bully in snape's worst memory, sirius who cops to their behaviour, while remus attempts to protect james from harry's anger.

i think there's something really interesting which can be done with the idea of remus' adoration of a perfect james who doesn't really exist having to careen headfirst into the reality of james as a human boyfriend, with all of the accompanying faults and flaws, that could either be really toxic or genuinely moving if an author wanted to take it in either direction.

but i think there's also something really interesting in the idea that james would want to maintain the flattering image of himself which remus had invented, and that he would, therefore, go out of his way to indulge remus' more straightforwardly negative characteristics in order to maintain his status in his lover's eyes.

[i do, in fact, think that this characteristic - in terms of wolfbucks' platonic relationship, at least - is canon. remus' shock in deathly hallows when harry is furious at the suggestion that he might just walk out on his pregnant wife and unborn child heavily implies to me that james would have just said "yep. do what you want, king" in the same situation...]

and so, while i would certainly say that wolfbucks would be much more deeply rooted in artifice in prongsfoot... i can't say the potential for total mess it contains doesn't compel me...

and it certainly compels me more than wolfstar.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #wolfbucks #remus lupin #james potter

[meowzilla93]

So I’ve seen so much ragging on Baxter calling himself a rebel or a bad boy, and it hurts me! ( I know most of it is in jest, its okay!) But I wanted to explain how he really IS what he claims to be, even though may just seem like a privileged individual

(I really had to reduce this from an essay to fit tumblrs character limit, I am talking like a 2k word essay, so its condensed but covers my points lol also please keep in mind I have taken canon information and given my interpretation of the information to this)

Lets look at the definition of a Bad Bay archetype – a cultural archetype often defined as a male who behaves badly, especially within societal norms. Qualities associated with this archetype is confidence, independence and/or assertiveness (though there are the negative connotations such as manipulation, dishonesty or a lack of consideration for others, but we are not focusing on those as these do not reflect Baxter)

And what is a rebel? At its core, it is a person who resist any authority, control, or tradition. Rebels like to change up the status quo, refusing to conform to societal pressures and controlling figures.

So lets look at Baxter Alexander Ward’s life:

Brought up in wealth

Was sheltered and raised with certain values

Parents were controlling and dictated a lot of his life

Was never treated like a child, but as an adult his whole life

More than likely taught to think himself above everyone (which he confirms)

Raised with very bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic and just cruel morals and notions  

If we look at those specific points, where does the Bad Boy archetype fit first?

By the time he reaches 19 years of age, he wants to be able to make connections outside of the circle of money he was raised in

Though he keeps up appearances for his parents, he tends to thumb his parents way of life, not wanting to become the same type of people they are

Rather than endorse their way of thinking, he becomes more open and accepting

(this boy might have mighty expectations for himself, but for others, he will never expect more than they can provide)

He is the very thing his parents do no approve off; Pansexual, accepting of others, opposite to what they want

By the time he is 19 years old, he is already snubbing his parents and their values, wanting to move outside of their circle of life and live his own life. There is the understanding that he was already sleeping around in high school, and considering his partners would be of all genders, the rumors circulating him would affect the image of the family, which his parents would not approve off. His visual looks, moving heavily into the black/ white monochrome and more alternative fit outside the expectations of what his family would expect of him. He dresses as he pleases, not as someone else would want him to.

These may seem like little actions, little acts of rebelling against his family, but these are MASSIVE in the context of his life. To flip the entire narrative that he learnt from his parents, and continues to do so in every way that he is able to. Sure, he gets a fake ID to just get a car to sight see in and get booze for himself to drink when out for dinner or even at home. But these acts are against what his parents expect or event want of him, what their social circle would expect of him, and as such, he fits the Bad Boy narrative within THAT social circle. And that is what matters in this context.

So, of course, this feeds into the rebel label. Going against everything he was taught, becoming the opposite person his parents expected of him. Resisting the control that his parents try and enforce on him and finding ways to escape the grip of expectation. I repeat myself a lot here but its that constant push back on what his parents expected of him, the morals, the views, the way he should handle himself and what they wanted of him. Baxter's rebellion is deep,y rooted in a sincere desire for authenticity, change and self-discovery, making him a truly compelling character.

Baxter at 19 years old was the Bad Boy Rebel of his families social circle. From the outside he just seems like a typical rich kid that was a bit strange, but from the inside, that’s where the rebelling sat.

Baxter at 24 is the man that continued in that path of rebellion. He further cut himself away from what his parents wanted, stood on his own two feet and tried to become the type of person he could be proud of. He separated himself from their morals, their visions, their actions. His mother who held charities to make connections and get a tax kick back? He does it to actually help people and does it almost pro-bono, no expectation to gain anything further from it. His father who holds a franchise and makes money from others manual labor? He takes the labor from others and takes it on himself to ensure that the day that they have (be it wedding or birthday or another event entirely) goes swimmingly and they have less stress than where they started.

Baxter continues to be a Rebel and Bad Boy as he grows and matures, as he continues to shun the way he grew up and becomes a better person for it.

There are probably other key points I have missed, but these are the ones that stood out to me, cementing the idea that Baxter Alexander Ward is a through and through

Rebellious Bad Boy

Thank you for coming to my (slightly unhinged) TED (tumblr) Talk.

#baxter ward #our life beginnings and always #olba #our life #olba baxter #meow drabbles!

[apollostears]

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄, 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 # ！︎

↠︎ warning(s) + request: angsty-ish, fluff, hurt/comfort, might be ooc aki, devil!reader. Just wanna say that u are really talented (idk what vocab should i use since english is not my first language) in writing i love ur fic so much <33 what i wanna add is the snow devil herself have pastel blue from hair root to pastel purple ends gradient hair color, mint green left eye and sky blue right eye, the snow devil would be so insecure about her looks. The snow devil also was the adoptive elder sister to Makima. Thats all ty if u did write this. Its ok if u dont tysm <33

↠︎ pairing: aki hayakawa x devil!reader

my sweetest love @missshinazugawa, i offer you the humblest of apologies for how long this took :( pls forgive me!! <3 thank you for the support bookie

as the snow devil angel, your looks always stand out

with pastel blue and purple hair and heterochromatic eyes, attention was inevitable and growing up you were picked on a lot for the difference

makima was your younger sister via adoption but she always defended you like she was the eldest

the devil hunting society was cruel and people’s comments on your appearance had gotten worse

everything took a turn when someone vandalized your desk, with words like ‘demon’, ‘freak’, ‘useless’, ‘ugly’, etc. 

and usually you could tough it out but the fact that smth like that was able to happen so casually to you in the workplace, you couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with emotions.

embarrassed, you left the building and went to the roof. 

aki, makima’s most competent leader, had found you

unbeknownst to you, aki was beginning to fall for you and found you stunning! 

he had surprised you by sitting next to you on the ledge of building, letting you cry into his shoulder

aki cursed the people who vandalized your things and vowed to find out who did it (he did)

you weren’t expecting this from someone who vehemently hates devils

his presence and conviction to defend your image were calming and allowed you to see him in a different light

from there, the two of you began a friendship  that is now a relationship!

with makima as your sister and aki as your boyfriend, you don’t get picked on at work anymore

but sometimes people in public get too obvious in their stares and disgust with a devil being around them

aki matches them with a stare of his own, one just as mean. he always has an arm around you but it tightens whenever you get uncomfortable

usually people get the hint but every once in awhile, you’re shielding your eyes from witnessing your lover beat the shit out of another person thats overstepped

he’s fiercely protective of you and loves you downnnnnnn 

aki would rather speed up his death than hurt you/allow someone else to hurt you

if you’re ever feeling bad afterwards or just in one of those moods where your insecurities are overwhelming, aki commences ‘self-care with aki day’

its where he takes care of you and pampers you, making sure you feel at least half as beautiful 

you guys are usually  sleeping in, reading, cuddling, watching tv/movies, eating your favorite foods, and doing some skin care when these things happen

he also posts affirmations all over the house and packs your bentos with them all the time 

calls you ‘pretty’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘beautiful’, ‘lovely’, and ‘angel’ pretty much every second he breathes

this man works overtime to protect your body from the negative thoughts of others and yourself

he loves staring into your eyes and saying “sorry, they’re so mesmerizing angel” whenever you scold him for looking too long

is 100% your biggest fan

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒. @kennyackermanswhore @chaoticevilbakugo @indiecursor @gabzlovesu @desiray562 @brownmochii @knjkitten @sweeneyblue1 @namjoonswifeyy @nyxeclipse @rubinocore @somerandompipzsxh @dabilovesme @histarean @hannas16 @caribbeanwifey19 @emonaculate @po3ticb3auty @waka-umm @wilsonsbuck @ctrlstar @jealousfuckingcunt @savagemickey03 @dukina @saintblk @sisnot @littlemochi @hoohoohope @ruubric @tor-tor8 @beautyfairykei @lilvampirina

#mayawrites #anime #chainsaw man #aki fluff #aki headcanons #aki csm #aki x reader #aki hayakawa #aki x devil!reader #csm x reader #csm hcs #free palestine #free gaza

[stick-ball]

I dont know how many of you will agree with this, but recently I had a realisation about Kevin. lt could be broken down to 3 phases:

The first is that Kevin is existing in very extreme emotional states - he either completely removes his emotions and as such vulnerability from a situation, or he goes all in reactive, which ends up with him being extremely dominant and agressive in his expression. The in between only happens when he is in the process of bouncing from one to the other.

Here is why I think he acts as such: as a kid, he had to really moderate how he expressed himself and constantly adapted to the situation. He had to be the golden child for the cameras, he had to be unfallible as an athlete due to his legacy, at the same time, he had to be submissive and lesser than for Riko and Tetsuji. Since most of the attention he got was both very keen and very dominant while emotionally removed (I wonder how much actual prize he got for normal things), it created a deeply rooted fear of honesty. It would be pretty natural for him to feel resentment at constantly not being the right thing, always lacking. As such, he became ultimately dishonest in his expression, which makes him repellant to opening up and being vulnerable in relationships. I used to think most of his dishonesty stemmed from fear because the truths he knew were very delicate and dangerous, but I am wondering if it wasn't born out of this deeper feeling of inadequacy. As a result, the Kevin we meet is used to fitting into someone else's ideas, and that's because he feels like every relationship is based on him GIVING them something of himself. Every one, not just the one with Riko. Living is a sacrifice of self for him, and he will end up, willingly or not, molding himself into whatever he feels he has to give away. When he asks for Wymack to take him in, when he makes the deal woth Andrew, when he wants Neil to believe in a future, when he drops all conctact with Thea, or Jean, after leaving the ravens. He feels like it's expected of him to be what others want to see him as and not what he wants to be. He can't be both of those things at once, so he is what they want or nothing at all. Just think of his attachment to the number two on his cheek and the meltdown that accompanied him, finally choosing to stand up for himself. To finally choose to come into his own identity.

That mechanism would lead from the beginning to him being very removed from his own wants in order to protect them. So, after a while, he would lose his sense of self. Which is funny, because that would lead to him having to relearn it through first finding the negative image of his preferences and his true self, like when capturing a scene in traditional photography.

As such, he is able to pinpoint everything he hates, dislikes, doesn't want and agree with - because they are an immediate danger. But that doesn't immediately lead him to finding what he likes, what he wants or what he is.

And this is where it gets interesting. This behaviour would also be responsible for him feeling very secretive about everything he does find that he likes and enjoys. For example history, if someone made it into a adressed thing, that he likes history, it would feel like he lost that interest, for the sole reason it's not just his anymore. You with me? Not in general, but in a personal relationship. That's why he is so annoyed at people not being good enough for his standards at exy but also not being excited at them caring or trying to meet them, only more and more critical even when he is totally having fun and excited about this.

The fact that even his interest in something like history could be demonized isba pretty common protection mechnaism. That's because when we shelter ourselves by pretending to not exist we are completely vulnerable when that illusion drops. It makes sense that he keeps everyone and everything at an arm's length with his cold and biting demeanour. Feeling like every person is a threat to who he is explains how screwed up almost all of his relationships are.

#kevin day #psychoanalysis of people who dont exist is my special interest lol #i still think he is a total dick tho #ill be writing much much more about his this is just the foundation for my piramid lovers #kevin day headcanon #kevin day hc #kevin day meta #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #the sunshine court #thea muldani #david wymack #nora sakavic

[veronika-tserber]

4th House Ruler Through the Houses

The 4th House in the Birth Chart Tells Us About:

Our connection to our roots (upbringing, birth family, ancestry, traditions, nation)

Our relationship with the nurturing/"softer" parent

The atmosphere of the home we grew up in

Our deep subconscious patterns, habits, and even past life karma/ancestral karma

What makes us feel secure and the deep motivations driving our decisions in life

We analyze the sign, the ruling planet of the sign, the degree, and any planets in the house (and their aspects). For this post, I am only asking you to look at the sign on the cusp and where its ruling planet is placed. You are free to use whichever house system you like, although I strongly recommend WHOLE SIGNS! ♥

Some signs have TWO rulers:

♈ Aries: Mars & Pluto

♏ Scorpio: Pluto & Mars

♐ Sagittarius: Jupiter & Neptune

♒ Aquarius: Uranus & Saturn

♓ Pisces: Neptune & Jupiter

E.g., if you have a Libra 4H, look at the house where Venus is placed, and read the explanation below. If you have a Scorpio 4H, consider the meaning of BOTH placements and prioritize Pluto. ;) Astrology is so much fun!

4H Ruler in the 1H

Your family and upbringing largely influence your SELF-IMAGE.

Discovering the true depths of who you are will be key to a fulfilling life for you. I’m glad to see you reading an Astrology post! Keep it up! The 1st house is all about the way we walk, talk, carry ourselves, and what our personal style is like. Reflect on your current self-image and how you present yourself to the world. Does it feel natural and authentic? If not, this might be because of family influence or inherited cultural traditions/beliefs. Pay attention to the ones related to body image, beauty, gender, and how you are supposed to act in front of other people. If you struggle to see yourself clearly, you should seek feedback from others and learn actively from the mirror of your close relationships. You are a private person, even if you appear extroverted. Also, repressed emotions and traumas can manifest as physical illnesses, so practices such as bioenergetics and somatic therapy can be healing. E.g., there is a concept in bioenergetics that suggests a correlation between bad physical posture (slouching, for instance) and negative childhood experiences. The idea is that when children experience stress, fear, or a need to protect themselves, they may physically contract and collapse inward, to shield themselves from perceived threats. Over time, this defensive posture can become ingrained in their body and carried into adulthood. This is a good example of how your subconscious mind can be expressed through your physical body.

4H Ruler in the 2H

Your upbringing and early childhood experiences shape your VALUES.

It's possible that you have absorbed most of your values from your family and the culture you grew up in. However, this largely depends on the planetary condition. E.g., Uranus, especially with hard aspects, can show the opposite - you could feel called to go totally against your conditioning and to create your own set of values. Your sense of self-worth and your money mindset can also be influenced by your upbringing. Do you tend to self-sabotage right when success and abundance come knocking at your door? Reflect on your values/beliefs and see if some of them are holding you back from getting the most out of life. You tend to keep your financial matters private. Perhaps you could earn an income from home, through a family business, or in the fields of psychology, real estate, and agriculture. Your sense of security likely stems from having enough money and possessions. Material and emotional security, or the lack thereof, can impact your health and physical well-being. You may find solace in solitude, at home, or in the company of close family and friends.

4H Ruler in the 3H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your MIND & COMMUNICATION.

Knowledge can be a great source of security for you. You could've been raised by parents that instilled a love for learning in you, which is why education can play a major role in your life. You may also value practical skills and street smarts. You might've been homeschooled or you can be interested in homeschooling your own children one day. You tend to keep your thoughts private, but you love sharing them with your close friends and family. There could've been a situation in your early years where you had to take care of a sibling or vice versa. Otherwise, it can simply mean that you had a close or significant relationship with a sibling. The way you think and express yourself now can be a result of your conditioning and subconscious patterns. Therefore, if you have certain speech impediments or mental health issues, they are likely to be caused by events and negative experiences in your early years. By learning how to take care of your mind and heal communication blocks, you could get inspired to help others, too. Speech therapy or child psychology could be possible vocations for you.

4H Ruler in the 4H

The themes of family, home, and security are EMPHASIZED in your life.

Your early childhood experiences and conditioning play a vital role in the way you perceive these themes. Whether you continue the patterns of your family or strive to break free from them (or some of them), will depend on you. However, you may be deeply unaware of the subconscious beliefs and emotions you carry, which is why psychological work and healing will be highly beneficial for your personal growth and quality of life. It's important to forgive your parents for the mistakes they have made and find a way to build your own foundation and security in life. The relationship you had with one of your parents - the more nurturing one - can have a great impact on your life. However, no matter how attached you are to this parent, it's important to avoid co-dependency on both sides and maintain some healthy degree of independence (they might want to get too involved in your relationships and decision-making). You are likely to find a lot of comfort and security in your privacy, cherishing moments spent alone or with loved ones.

4H Ruler in the 5H

Your upbringing greatly impacts your SELF-EXPRESSION.

If you were encouraged to express your gifts or if you had artistically inclined parents, that's great! You might have inherited some of their talents, too. On the contrary, if you felt unseen and weren't encouraged to perform/shine/express yourself wholeheartedly, this can hinder your ability to find joy in life and be fulfilled in the now. You are called to connect with your inner child and address any psychological issues that may be holding you back. You can find security in the enjoyment of life and in taking risks aligned with your heart's desires. Unfortunately, unhealed childhood traumas can lead to addictive or risky behavior such as gambling, reckless spending, or sexual promiscuity. It can also show up in the opposite way - a deep-seated fear of taking risks in life. The dynamics in your romantic relationships will reflect the 4H and inner child issues you need to work on. Speaking of which, you may like to keep your dating and sex life, hobbies, and talents private. It's important to "re-parent" yourself before you jump into parenting another human. You can benefit from exploring your emotions and psychological patterns through your hobbies and creativity. Consider opportunities to work with children or simply try to be around them more often - their spontaneity and joyful expression could inspire you!

4H Ruler in the 6H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your approach to HEALTH & WORK.

While you were growing up, was there anyone in your family who needed special assistance and care? If the answer is yes, this might've had a big influence on the way you think about health and well-being. Some people become hypochondriacs and others feel compelled to learn more about holistic health and wellness. Nonetheless, cleaning up your psychological "storage" regularly will help you maintain physical and emotional health and stability. There are also certain beliefs you have likely absorbed from your parents or culture around work and service. Observe how you approach these themes, and seek the cause of any issues in your early conditioning. You could be genetically predisposed to certain health conditions, as well. You may feel secure when you have healthy habits and routines set in place. You may keep your work/daily life and health situation private. "Family" to you means being of service to your loved ones, which is great, but make sure it isn't at the expense of your own needs. This can be a good position for working in the fields of counseling, therapy, and holistic medicine.

4H Ruler in the 7H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your way of RELATING to others.

You can derive your sense of security from being in a partnership and having the support of other people. The way your close friends and loved ones perceive you can be highly important to you. Beware of co-dependency and giving your personal power away. You like to keep your marriage, love life, and close friendships in "private mode", and you strive to form deep and meaningful relationships. To you, the word "family" means equality, mutual respect, and true partnership with one another. Your deep subconscious patterns and upbringing impact your behavior as a partner, as well as the types of people and relationships you feel drawn to. You could be repeating certain family dynamics in your relationships. Your conditioning has shaped your beliefs around marriage, and the expectations you have for yourself and other people. It's possible that your parents (or one parent) could want to be involved in your choice of life partner.

4H Ruler in the 8H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your beliefs about SHARED RESOURCES & INTIMACY.

You could derive a sense of security from sharing material resources with others and cultivating deep, intimate bonds with them. You feel safe when you know there is at least ONE person in your life you can 100% trust. The way your parents managed their resources has influenced your own attitude toward intimacy and sharing. It's possible that you have experienced critical situations during childhood involving loss of emotional security or financial struggles. It's crucial to heal and integrate any traumas and psychological wounding, so they don't push you into the 8H realm of self-destructive behavior. In terms of resources, you could inherit land from your parents or have an interest in real estate investment and renting out property. This placement suggests that you will find your sense of true security when you embrace the uncertainty and insecurity in life. You will learn to empower yourself through spirituality and self-awareness. You like to keep your sexual and financial matters private. To you, "family" is about intimacy that grows when people overcome challenges together and are "ride-or-die" for one another. Your sexual expression and your ability (or lack thereof) to trust another person, will reflect how far you've come on your psychological healing journey.

4H Ruler in the 9H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your WORLDVIEWS.

You find security in seeking higher meaning and perspective in life that allow you to have faith and overcome any difficulty. Your personal beliefs are kept private and you like to "preach" only to the people you love and care about. For you, the word "family" means being with a partner who shares your moral values and beliefs about the world. Your approach to parenting and family can deviate from what you were taught as a child or the way you were brought up. That is because you enjoy pondering on these topics and you want to develop your own set of values and philosophy about home and family. E.g, you could be interested in alternative forms of education (such as home/unschooling). If that's not the case, this placement can simply mean that one of your parents has had a significant influence on your perspective of the world and your beliefs about higher education. You may enjoy long-distance travel as a way to expand your worldview and nurture connections with people from other cultures.

4H Ruler in the 10H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your CAREER & LEGACY.

Whatever has been planted during your childhood, will develop and the results will be on public display for everyone to see. It's up to you to make sure you weed out the bullcrap (although that can be a great fertilizer 😂) and nurture the seeds you wish to see grow and bear fruit in your life. Your calling can revolve around your career, possibly a profession inherited by a parent or a family business, or it may be about becoming a parent yourself. If it's career-related, you could be interested in 4H fields such as psychology, real estate, or history. Your parents may wish to influence your career choice. To you, "family" is about responsibility and commitment to one another. It's possible that you were raised by a single parent or that your parents divorced - especially with the opposition aspect. There can be many beliefs you have absorbed from your parents and culture around work and responsibility. You find a sense of security in your career and protective relationships with authority figures. You can be more private and choose to work behind the scenes.

4H Ruler in the 11H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences shape your SOCIAL NETWORK & ASPIRATIONS.

You can find a sense of security and belonging within a friend or other social group of people who share your interests and deeper values/ideals about the world and society. Consequently, the word "family" carries spiritual meaning to you. It goes deeper than blood relations or traditional beliefs about marriage - you value mutual freedom, friendship, and shared interests. Your conditioning impacts your ability to dream big and the friend/social groups you choose to join. You may have the desire to reform your culture and its traditions in some way or wish to be known as a thought leader in your home country. You keep your social life and dreams private. The ideals you pursue and the social contribution you want to make are often rooted in your childhood and what you've been taught about society, as a whole.

4H Ruler in the 12H

Your conditioning & early childhood experiences affect your MENTAL HEALTH & SPIRITUALITY.

You could find a lot of comfort in your solitude. However, that depends on the planet and its aspects, as this placement can point to a deep fear of being alone, too. Your concept of "family" extends beyond blood ties, and it's about soulmate connections, unconditional love, and self-sacrifice. You can have a spiritual connection to your ancestors and may benefit from practices such as ancestral healing or regression. Deep-seated subconscious patterns influence your ability to surrender and "go with the flow" in life. You may seek a sense of home and belonging in a foreign country, but long-term immigration depends on other factors in the chart, as well. The 4th House represents roots and security, while the 12th House is about the dissolution of all forms, so you could feel ungrounded and disconnected from physical reality at times. Early childhood experiences may have eroded your sense of security, which can make you prone to addictions or mental health issues and escapism. Hypnotherapy and other similar tools can help you heal and find inner stability. Ultimately, you will accept life's inherent uncertainty and will find true security within yourself and your connection to Source.

The Ask Box is open for specific questions, folks! 😊

- Foxbörn

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ 1

ᴄʜᴀʀᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢꜱ

ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴜʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ?

#astrology #astro notes #4th house #astro observations #astrology houses #natal chart houses #zodiac #astro community #zodiac signs #birth chart #natal chart #astroworld #horoscope

[luna-rainbow]

I've been reading through the posts and anons regarding Bucky's characterisation in FATWS and I couldn't agree more with your responses.

I think the deep dives and theories from some of the anons on how the writing for Bucky could be spun if we really wanted to are interesting and well intentioned but when I look at what was actually presented, I finished FATWS feeling like I was supposed to view Bucky as a reformed villain who was looking for redemption and that I was supposed to root for him now that he was on the right path and making choices to atone for his sins and make right for his life of crime ---and, considering Bucky was a victim, that did not sit right with me at all. I find it hard to believe that someone could have watched Bucky's story from the beginning and not rooted for him the whole way through.

I actually found the attempts to villainise him a disgusting narrative choice.

This was not an arc about a victim healing, it was an arc about an assassin looking for redemption.

So I think that even if the attempt was to show the shadiness of the government or to portray it as Bucky's misplaced guilt being the driving force, it ultimately doesn't matter because that's not how the narrative presented it. Bucky makes a lot of statements that signify his own feelings of guilt and low sense of self worth 'the power I gave her' 'I know crazy because I am crazy' the conversation he has with Sam about why he has to be the one to talk to Zemo--and none of these statements are shot down, not even by Sam who is supposed to be our hero and experienced PTSD therapist. In fact, Sam even encourages Bucky's negative self image at points with lines like 'even him, and he's killed everyone he's ever met' (which is why I'll also argue that Sam is mischaracterised in this show too)

That's because the narrative wants us to take Bucky's guilt at face value, they want us to see this as a matter fact and something that Bucky has to redeem himself from in order to reach his goal of feeling worthy and human again. They want Bucky's guilt to be a point both he and the audience agree on.

While the narrative leaves space for us to counter its perception of Bucky and his level (or lack) of responsibility for things that The Winter Soldier did--it does nothing to counter its own assumption that Bucky should be considered complicit in the things he was forced to do by Hydra.

We are told some form of this by everyone from Zemo to Sharon to Karli to Raynor to Isaiah to even Sam.

Even when Bucky finally breaks and openly admits that he's beginning to question Steve's faith in him, there is no response to counter his lack of self belief. Neither Sam nor Raynor argue the matter.

During the one moment that the writing could have explicitly made it clear that the narrative viewed Bucky as a victim of Hydra instead of the villian he believes himself to be, we got blank space instead. They could have expanded on the scene between him and Yori and used the father of one of The Winter Soldier's targets to make the point that Bucky was a victim too but instead, we got the implication that Yori was yet another person seeing him as the same monster that Bucky believes himself to be.

So when we take the writing as it actually is, we are left with Bucky believing he is responsible for the crimes that Hydra committed using The Winter Soldier. We are left with no one countering his belief, we are in fact left with both our protagonists and antagonists equally reinforcing Bucky's guilt and self-portrayal as a reforming villain and we are left with Bucky learning that he has to pay for what 'he' did by living in service of those 'he' hurt.

That is what the narrative tells us about Bucky Barnes in FATWS. That is what the character of Bucky Barnes tells us in FATWS, that is what the other characters tell us about Bucky Barnes in FATWS--and we have nothing within the narrative of FATWS that leads us to believe otherwise.

Hello lovely! I'm not sure how I missed this post although I did have a lot of personal stuff going on a few months ago and maybe I shelved it for a time I could reply properly, so apologies for the delay!

All excellent points up there.

Back during the height of the TFATWS discourse (mostly stemming from the fact that several of us were trying to write fix-its and just couldn't make the canon make sense), one of the key points of contention was between fans who felt the narrative fell short in addressing Bucky's lack of agency and therefore lack of liability for the Winter Soldier's crimes, vs other fans who felt Steve's one line in CACW "it wasn't your fault" was enough and hence his lack of agency did not need to be raised again in TFATWS.

But you are absolutely right. The narrative frames Bucky as guilty and volatile, and it does nothing to dispose the viewers otherwise. None of the characters treat him in a way that suggests any empathy for his status as a prisoner of war, only something bordering on derision that he's been spared punishment.

Which, I think, accurately reflects how most of the MCU writers have spoken of him.

#bucky barnes #asks #tfatws critical

[highpriestessaset]

Pick an image: allow your intuition to guide you in your selection.

NEO 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Patient, sees the bigger picture or different perspectives, inquisitive, hard-working, looks to long term goals or delayed gratification, adaptable

[How to use:]

These skills help you to see eye to eye with other individuals and species. I see someone who is caring and eager to understand how another maneuvers throughout their life. Where many would be fearful or judgmental, instead, you are curious.

You may be interested in marine biology, veterinary duties, care giving, or anything that allows you to study, interact, care for, or capture the beauty of life- whether it be plants, animals, humans, etc.

[Message:]

It seems like a dream you may have is put on hold due to financial concerns. It feels that a fixed mindset may be at the root of the issue. The message for you says that utilizing a growth mindset will bring you a lot closer to achievement.

(Click here for resource.)

————————————————————

TRINITY 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Leader, has a good sense of direction, bold, initiative, innovative, independent, free-spirited, energetic, playful/fun, light-hearted, innocent

[How to use:]

These skills help you to travel or maneuver around situations that may be difficult. It seems like you have your own level of inner peace you are able to maintain by knowing when and how to go at things alone.

[Message:]

You are fully capable of capturing some sort of entrepreneurship or self employment opportunities. There may be some confusion amongst yourself or from outside voices with opinions about what you should do.

The message for you is to release the expectations of others and any you have placed on yourself that limit your options. This may look like going along with a loved one’s vision for you that you may not be passionate about. Whatever those expectations are, in releasing them, you give yourself permission to take a risk on your own idea that can make YOU happy and provide financial security.

Let go of the fear of failure, let go of the “what will they think”, let go of the thoughts that keep you from making any moves at all. Life is a journey of discovery- discovering what we like or don’t like. Even when we discover things we don’t like, that is information that brings us closer to knowing ourselves. Use your superpower of maintaining your inner peace to step away from negativity and simply discover yourself.

————————————————————

MORPHEUS 🕶️

[Superpowers:]

Intuitive, intelligent, thoughtful, truth seeking, assertive, advocate, wise, private or reflective (introverted), health conscious

[How to use:]

I see someone fit to be some sort of an educator, speaker, writer, influencer or advocate for a cause. The Star card shows me that you are passionate about freedom and peace.

Someone specific here may be interested in justice/law by advocating for people wrongly incarcerated.

Another specific person here may be interested in advocating for body acceptance and/or health related topics. Sharing your story can be powerful.

[Message:]

The truth speaks for itself. When you communicate, it is important to remove the ego. We can speak on what is true for us but, we cannot force anyone to believe anything. If what you say resonates with another, they will be interested in hearing more from you.

The message here says it is important to remove the ego because at times, it makes it hard for others to listen. Your messages may be powerful but they can only impact those who hear AND receive them. Let go of the need for others to hear and receive your messages WHEN and HOW you want them to. Remember, the truth speaks for itself.

*Readings are for entertainment purposes only.*

-// Blessings 🌺

#tarot #tarot reading #free tarot #free readings #free tarot reading #the matrix #neo #morpheus #pick a image #pick an image #pick a photo #pick a picture #pac reading #pick a reading #pick a pile reading #tarot reader #spiritual awakening #spiritual guidance #pick a pile #pick a deck reading #pick a deck #pick a card reading #pick a card #free reading #spiritualguidance #spirituality #self discovery #matrix movie #matrix resurrections #matrix reloaded

[sourdoughservitor]

Phases of the Moon

While the sabbats are a big part of the Wheel of the Year, so too are the moon cycles. By following the moon's orbit we can live in closer harmony with it and use its influences to empower ourselves and our craft.

[Image credit: Nasa, 2023.]

🌑 🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘 🌑

The moon is intrinsically tied to the Earth and us--it is observable in tides, seasons, and bodily processes. It may have an impact on us psychologically or physiologically in ways not yet fully understood. One aspect of living in harmony with the world is living in harmony with the moon and its cycles and phases.

There are 9 distinct phases of the moon: the new moon, dark moon, full moon, first and third quarters, and the waxing and waning crescent and gibbous moons.

New Moon

The first lunar phase, new moons occur following the moon’s absence during the dark moon. In this stage, the moon is directly between the earth and the sun. They represent new beginnings and provide space for growth. New moons are an excellent time to set intentions, plant seeds (metaphorically and literally), be creative, and to manifest desires.

Waxing Crescent

The waxing crescent is the second lunar phase and represents the first stage of growth. The moon begins its orbit around earth here. They possess high magnetic energies, which are constructive, and empower invocation magic. It is a good time for planning, envisioning, and divination.

First Quarter

The first quarter is the third lunar phase and is associated with attraction and growth. Magic surrounding summoning and seeking is effectively powerful during this time, especially when trying to draw in lost objects, emotions, and memories.

Waxing Gibbous

The fourth lunar phase, the waxing gibbous resists stagnation, and aids in endurance and motivation. This is the final push before the apex of the moon's orbit. A provider of willpower, the waxing gibbous can help in overcoming trials and tribulations.

Full Moon

Full moons are the most notorious of the lunar phases, as the moon is at its full strength and exerts its influence with abandon. The entire face of the moon is visible at this time and the moon shines at its brightest. During this peak, the moon lends witches its strength, its sense of action, and its proclivity for development. It is also a time slated for clear-sighted divination.

 In Celtic and Old English tradition, full moons have names and meanings depending on the time of year during which they are present. Put simply, there is a full moon for each month, plus the occasional extra one per year. See my forthcoming post about the full moons and their names.

Waning Gibbous

The waning gibbous is the sixth lunar phase and represents the period in which the moon begins to fade. It is a powerful period in which to practice magics that repel, banish, or destroy, as well as those that cleanse and heal. It is also wise to practice self-care in the wake of the full moon. This is an excellent period in which to root out and dispel unwanted energies as the moon’s light fades and darkness rises.

Third Quarter

The seventh lunar phase involves the overcoming of obstacles as one nears completion. The moon's visibility begins to rapidly fall. It aids in withstanding transitions.

Waning Crescent

The eighth lunar phase sees the last fragment of the moon as it nears depletion. This period aids in greater banishing and dissolution magic. Energy is drained in this period, both positive and negative, and is a good time to re-focus on important things; for prioritization. Self-care is needed to balance lower energy levels. Protection also warrants attention during this time, as one prepares for the moon’s absence during the dark moon.

Dark Moon

The ninth and final lunar phase is represented by the absence of the moon entirely. It can last 2 to 3 days, and witches may experience low energy and power. This mundane period may be used for reflection, introspection, and gratitude for the world around one. Shadow work may be particularly meaningful and fruitful during this period.

[image credit: Nasa, 2023.]

Conclusion

The moon has power, and it's crucial to live in harmony with its cycles. By following its comings and goings, its waxings and wanings, we can learn to address our needs more meaningfully and use our power to its fullest potential.

Thanks for reading! Bb

see my Year of the Wheel masterpost for more!

References

SpacePlace. (2023, June 12). What Are the Moon’s Phases? Nasa. https://spaceplace.nasa.gov/moon-phases/en/

#witch #witchcraft #wheel of the year #year of the wheel #moon #full moons #moons #full moon #eclectic pagan #occult #paganism #moon phases #witchblr #witches #witches of tumblr #witchy things #grimoire #online grimoire #digital grimoire #animism

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for systems with AvPD!

AvPD (avoidant personality disorder) is a serious mental illness that can have negative affects on many systems. However, the plural folks living with this disorder still deserve to live happy, healthy lives to the best of their ability! This post is for the systems out there with AvPD!

🐠 Shoutout to systems whose severe social anxiety led them to develop AvPD!

🌊 Shoutout to systems who struggle to maintain relationships or form bonds and positive connections with people in their lives!

🦀 Shoutout to systems whose trauma history led them to form both a dissociative disorder and AvPD!

🐬 Shoutout to systems who don’t want many friends, and who feel the most safe, happy, and comfortable when they are by themselves!

🏝 Shoutout to systems who have been diagnosed with AvPD professionally, to those who have self-diagnosed, and to those who are questioning if they have this disorder!

🐟 Shoutout to systems who are in treatment for their AvPD, and are trying to learn how to cope with their symptoms in positive ways!

🐚 Shoutout to systems who do want friends, who feel lonely all the time, and whose AvPD causes them lots of pain and distress!

🐡 Shoutout to systems whose AvPD has caused them to feel hopeless, listless, sullen, and dismayed! We promise there’s still hope for you yet!

🐳 Shoutout to individual headmates who are AvPD symptom holders, or who struggle with their disorder more than the rest of their system!

🏝 Shoutout to systems with dissociative disorders whose AvPD has caused them to split new alters!

🦈 Shoutout to nontraumagenic systems who consciously created their system as a way to cope with their disorder!

It can be so hard existing in society with a disorder that makes it difficult to form interpersonal relationships or have positive interactions with other people. However, for folks with AvPD out there, we want you to know that there’s hope in your future, and potential for peace, joy, and happiness!

Please treat yourself and your system with kindness, and try to not judge yourself too hard by societal standards! Having a disorder that affects how you form and maintain relationships does not make you unwanted, unloveable, or unaccepted by the people in your life or the plural community. Whether or not you’re too scared, nervous, or shy to interact, please know we care about you, we’re rooting for you, and we wish you the very best in all that you do!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

#multiplicity #pluralgang #plurality #actuallyplural #system positivity #plural positivity #plural pride #system pride #AvPD #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder

[mordax101]

We all know about the negative qualities that grow from trauma, but something I don't see discussed as much are the good traits grown from bad roots. More than anyone, I think this exhibits itself in Matt Boyd.

Matt throughout the series is fast to forgive and unfailingly loyal. He holds love and respect for his mother where most would resent her absence in his early years. When Andrew brings him to Columbia and gets him hooked on speedballs, Matt admits the benefits. The other Foxes hold deep-rooted grudges on his behalf, but Matt only expresses anger when he thinks Neil is about to experience a similar trauma (mind you, at this point Neil and Matt had only known each other for a few weeks).

In fact, Matt never shows much anger on his own behalf. Instead, his strong emotions are defined by what happens to the people he cares about. He isn't forgiving of the transgressions that happen to others, but he forgives the transgressions against himself at the drop of a hat. Matt is the type of person to only throw a punch when someone else's well-being is on the line.

This isn't to say Matt is weak; rather it represents his self-image. I imagine that Matt before the Foxes had an incredibly low self-worth. He hated himself for using drugs but couldn't find the will to stop; he wanted so desperately for the love of a parent that he didn't resent his mother for taking him in when it was too late. However, we meet Matt not at his worst, but on the incline after rock bottom. He's healing enough to bare his track marks with confidence, but not enough to care as much for himself as he does for everyone else.

Matt's loyalty and his lack of grudge-holding and his easy anger on behalf of his loved ones are all good qualities. They've become a part of his personality. I don't think healing will make these traits go away. Instead, I think we're watching Matt change their roots. No longer is he controlled by a lack of self-worth; he's learning to be all these things and love himself at the same time. He's learning to forgive the transgressions against himself not because he thinks they are deserved, but because he knows he's worth more than being bitter.

Matt Boyd appreciation because there can never be too much :)

#aftg #all for the game #matt boyd #nora sakavic #books #ao3