#relationship troubles

[naofaun]

It's normal to feel jealous. In friendships, relationships, whatever. Jealousy is a very normal, very human emotion and most likely, it's telling you that a need of yours isn't being met. But sometimes jealousy just shows up randomly and makes itself known for no reason. Maybe you have the happiest relationship possible and you still get jealous. Maybe all of your needs, and more, are being met. That's okay.

Never be ashamed of jealousy. Never be ashamed of anger or sadness or fear. These emotions are not “bad”, there is no such thing as bad emotions. You cannot be completely free of them, and they do not inherently mean you or the other person(s) is abusive.

Listen to what your mind is telling you. If you're jealous every single time your friend hangs out with someone that's not you; why? Are you scared of your friend liking the person more than you? Are you scared that you're not worthy of your friend's time and energy? Are you scared that maybe the other person secretly hates you and plans to turn your friend against you?

Whatever it is, its okay. Don't listen to people telling you that “non-abusers don't get jealous”. Because they do. It's just about how they handle the jealousy. If you listen to your body and figure out the underlying fear or insecurity, you're already doing way more than most.

Sometimes you can talk to your friend about that fear. Sometimes you can explain to them that you feel afraid when they hang out with other people because you're insecure. Do not ever make it out to be their problem, like something they should fix. They can understand and do their best to help you, but do not ever demand or even let them drop these friends for you. Unless the friends are genuinely awful people (which you should then have an entirely different conversation about), it is your friend's right to keep them as friends.

But maybe you can come to a compromise. Maybe when your friend is done hanging out with someone, they can tell you about what they did. Maybe instead of an obligation, its like a “oh my god I had so much fun and I want to tell someone about it” thing. They get to talk about how much fun they had to someone that cares, and you get to know that these other people didn't try to turn your friend against you, or whatever your fear may have been.

Anyway, my overall point is; jealousy is okay and normal. It usually covers some sort of insecurity or fear, like how anger can cover sadness or hurt. It doesn't matter how often you feel jealous - I'm a very very jealous person but I have coping mechanisms and ways to help me when I get jealous so that I don't hurt the person I'm jealous of. I will always suggest mental health assistance like therapy or medication if it's available, but sometimes, its more about the way you treat your feelings and the communication you have with your friends.

#obviously everyone is different #journaling my feelings and telling myself that my friends are so awesome that they deserve other friends #will not help every single person that gets jealous #but as a polyamorous person who has bpd and forms fps on my partners most often #ive learned how to cope with my jealousy without becoming overbearing and mean #it took me nearly my entire teenage life and im still nowhere near perfection #this isnt an instant process and im never going to stop feeling jealous #but i can recognize when im jealous and why and i can work on feeling better about it #{ ♡ } nao : misc . . . #jealousy #jealous #relationships #relationship troubles #bpd #borderline personality disorder #npd #narcassistic personality disorder #i dont know how common jealousy is in npd but it sure affects me a lot so #umm #mental illness #mental health #mental health advice #mental health support #bpd help #bpd support

[karihighman]

I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending…

#the rookie spoilers #the rookie #chicago pd #upstead #chenford #hailey upton #jay halstead #lucy chen #tim bradford #parallels #cpd 8x11 #the rookie 6x06 #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tracy spiridakos #i’m emotional #jesse lee soffer #i’m not ok rn #angst #relationship troubles

[warpedlegacywrites]

Chapter 20: Treading Water

They're both drowning, pulling each other down.

“Theresa?” His voice – his whole body – trembles as he stares at her and repeats, “We’ll be alright, won’t we?”  “I hope so.”  He sucks in a sharp breath, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. She doesn’t blame him – she hardly recognises herself anymore.  “We will,” he says, once again more to himself than to her. Calling on that unwavering faith of his she has always admired and never understood. “We’ve been through the crucible before. The Maker would not have set us on this path if we couldn’t find our way out.” She flashes her teeth in a feral, humourless laugh. “The same Maker that templar probably prayed to? Just stop, Cullen. Stop trying to mythologise it. There’s no grand purpose in this. No rhyme or reason. My pain is not simply a means to an end. It happened . To me . It's not divine. In fact, it's perfectly banal. His hatred… your faith… the fanatics who idolise me… it all comes from the same place.” “You can’t believe that.”  “Of course I do!”  “No. You would never have me if you really thought this way. You wouldn’t have married me if you truly thought I…” He stares down at his hands, but what he sees in them, Theresa cannot say. “...Would you?”  “I’ve told you before, Cullen, that I can’t be your absolution.” 

DAFF tag list: @rakshadow, @rosella-writes, @effelants, @bluewren, @breninarthur, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @dreadfutures, @ir0n-angel, @inquisimer, @crackinglamb, @theluckywizard, @nirikeehan, @oxygenforthewicked, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @melisusthewee, @blarrghe, @agentkatie, @delicatefade, @leggywillow, @about2dance, @plisuu

#my writing #the black city #while time remains #theresa trevelyan #cullen rutherford #cullen x trevelyan #theresa x cullen #dorian pavus #dorian & trevelyan #grief #unhealthy coping mechanisms #relationship troubles

[0trashyp0]

I love them so much it hurts, why they can't love me the same way, why for them their world is most important why I can't be loved they way I love

#ventcore #mentally tired #relationship #moodboard #relationship issues #relationship problems #relationship troubles

[ihdfk]

Why every time that we are so good together I do something to fuck it up in a matter of seconds

I feel like someone not capable of loving you they way you should be

#queer women #mentally fucked #lgbtqia+ #wlw community #relationship #relationship troubles

[dari-ede]

Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin: Ch 6

Chapter 6: "Ain't Easy Tryna Stay In Love"

Chapters : 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05(M) | 06(M) | 07

MASTERLIST

Summary: I was living a perfectly, normal, mundane life.... So why in the HELL did Kim Seokjin walk into it and ruin it all for me???

Pairing: Idol!Jin x Female Reader

Rating: M (language and sexual explicit scenes)

Status: Complete

Note: I briefly considered cutting this chapter in half due to its length, but I want to keep this story as 7 chapters. Not to mention that this entire chapter follows one theme; makes no sense in cutting in half.

_____________________

Before our one-year anniversary, Seokjin had bought himself a house. In the beginning, he spent half of his time at his house and the other in the dorms with the guys.

I mostly came over on the weekends, which was when he stayed at his own place. Time at my place became almost non-existent. It was mainly because his complex had security. He no longer had to disguise himself because we worried about neighbors catching him.

By our second year, I was fully moved in.

"I got that, gongjunim," Jin said to me as he saw me struggling with one of my heavy boxes.

He was on my side, taking the box from my arms in a flash.

I thanked him, looking around to see what I could take care of since Jin seemed to be handling the heavy lifting.

That's when I noticed it. "Seokjinah! The door!" I rushed over to the entrance and closed the door Jin had left open. I began to look around frantically.

Seokjin looked a bit lost at my reaction. "What?"

I sent him a glare. "Gukmul is out here."

He shook his head as he began to look around. "No, he's in his room."

"Remember when I said that I opened it and he came running out? I couldn't find him." I looked frantically around, trying to make sure that the sugar glider had in fact not left the building. God, if we lost him, I would never forgive myself.

In the background, I heard Jin call out for Gukmul as well. For what seemed forever, we looked everywhere. I was ready to go into the hall and start knocking on neighbors' doors.

Thankfully, Seokjin called out my name from one of the rooms. He had found the little gliding possum and put him back in his habitat.

I was more than relieved. That little guy meant too much to me. He was my sense of comfort and company while Jin was gone. After losing our two other gliders, I don't think my heart could take it if something happened to Gukmul.

"He's ok," Jin assured me, kissing my head.

I let out a sigh, allowing myself to relax.

Suddenly, his phone went off. He looked down, noticed the caller ID, and then gave me a knowing look. I knew it all too well. I gave him a nod, leaving him to privacy. It was work.

I went into the living room and continued to unpack. Every once in a while, I caught myself looking down the hall to ensure that Gukmul's room remained closed.

After several, long minutes, Seokjin finally arrived back.

"What was that about?" I asked. It was rare when he got a phone call from work after hours. Usually, he was sent a message.

He gave a light shrug as if the call was no big deal. "Some stuff got moved around. Plus, a lot of our American promotions are about to start and they submitted their questions. Looks like they're all interested in asking about mandatory enlistment."

I became a little quiet, noticing how Seokjin was not making any eye contact. It was a topic we mostly avoided. Every time it would come up, we spoke about it as if it was far in the future and not something to worry about now.

However, we were both adults. We were living together now. We needed to start having conversations that might be a bit uncomfortable.

"You know, we never really discuss it," I started.

He turned to me, looking a bit hesitant and worried, but he kept quiet.

"What are your plans?" I asked, looking him straight in the eye. I needed to show that I wasn't scared of his answer, whatever it was.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, you have a couple of years before you have to enlist. Do you have a thought as to when you plan on doing it?"

He took a breath and seemed to think about his words before speaking. "Well, the team thinks it's best if we just wait it out. Best not to rush it. When it happens, it'll happen." He gave me a small smile, thinking that would be the end of the conversation.

I frowned at his response, though. "Well, what do you want?"

His brows knitted. "What do you mean?"

"Well, what do you want? It will be you signing up."

"I want what's best for the team," he said almost intuitively.

There was a slight sense of irritation within me. I wasn't sure the reason for it. I wanted to press him further on this, but I also felt I didn't want to get into an argument.

It had been a long weekend of moving. Plus, I was hungry. Maybe I was feeling crabby and wanted to just start a fight--something I tended to do whenever I got too stressed. I was trying to get better at it. Seokjin and I rarely fought, but the few times we did, it was mostly because I was stressed about something at work.

I gave him a nod, accepting his answer and I went back to unpacking. Seokjin went into the kitchen, I figured so he could organize it.

A few moments later, I felt him come beside me. He placed something to my left, gave me a kiss on my cheek, and went back to the kitchen.

I looked down, finding a good-looking sandwich and a glass of orange juice. I felt my heart expand.

***********

At first, I had to admit that I was a little worried we would run into some problems living together. But I was proven wrong every day. Living with Sokjin was easier than breathing. Sure, there were some bumps on the road but nothing we couldn't handle. Our biggest problems were mostly external. Usually, it was our jobs that brought us the most stress. As Seokjin's world popularity with the group expanded more than anyone could have imagined, I kept climbing the ladder in my company. Every promotion I applied for, I was given. And just like before, with the pay raise came more responsibilities and time at the office. Not to mention that the pandemic hit in our first year of living together. It was added pressure for work-related purposes but didn't cause us any strife in our relationship.

Despite our busy schedules and, at times, being in different time zones, we made it work. Because I had my eye on a high position in my company, I took on more projects. Of course, Seokjin was nothing but supportive. He encouraged me to take chances, even if it meant the position I had my eye on would take time away from him. Honestly, I loved the man more every day.

My favorite moments with him were the rare mornings we spent together.

I would usually be the one who made breakfast, allowing him to sleep in as late as he wanted to. Not that he would wake up late, anyway. Usually, he was up by mid-morning.

After eating, we would have a lazy morning in front of our flat screen, sitting in our favorite spot on our couch. Sometimes we would watch a movie and at times we would skim the channels until we found something.

He would recline back as I sat in front of him, his arms and sometimes legs wrapped around me from behind. His head usually was placed at the crook of my neck. To anyone looking at us, one might think Seokjin was an octopus trying to strangle me with every one of his limbs. To me, he felt perfect.

Today, I was skimming the channels until something caught my eye. It was the news. Normally, we avoided all news on mornings like these. We liked to ensure we had happy mornings. But the headline possessed me.

It was a man discussing the possibility of a new law passing that would allow idols to defer their military service until they were 30. Jin was only a few months shy of turning 28, the required age for all able-bodied men to enlist and report to duty.

It was a topic that was still avoided in our house. As much as I needed to discuss it, Jin gave very vague answers, never giving a straight answer. I usually accepted it, but there was something about today that made me want to not avoid it. Maybe it was because he was so close to reaching 30.

"Seokjinah," I said.

"Hmmm," he responded, squeezing me a little to let me know he was alert. Sometimes he would take small naps while he wrapped around me. The squeeze was the signal we had silently and jointly created to let me know he was fully alert.

"I hate to ruin our morning…."

"Then don't…." he mumbled, but followed it up with a light chuckle, letting me he was only teasing. He kissed the side of my forehead. "What is it, gongjunim?" he asked sweetly.

After years together, the endearment still warmed my heart. "Any idea what your plans will be if this new law passes?"

He took a breath. "The team is wanting to wait."

"But your birthday is only months away…. Have you thought of any possibilities?" I push away from him, turning my body towards his, so we could be face to face.

He was trying to keep his face straight and was controlling his emotions. "Well, if the law doesn't pass, then I will be reporting. There's nothing I can do about that."

"But what about if the law does pass?" I pressed again.

"Well, it's been discussed that if it does pass, I'll put in my deferment."

I waited a little, letting the information settle. "Is that what you want?"

"I want what's best for the team," he said. Automatically. Intuitively.

Something inside me churned, and not in a good way. I gave a small nod and turned away from him.

For a long moment, I didn't say anything. I kept my eyes on the television, looking at it but having no idea what I was watching. I did my best to not feel hurt. But it was so hard not to.

I always found it sweet how much Jin loved his members. How much his fans meant to him. I never doubted his love for me. Never doubted how important I was to him. I knew my role in his life and was confident in it. However, there were a few instances where it felt like I was taking a backseat in his life. Instead of being in the passenger seat.

Would the guys always be in the forefront, helping guide him?

I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt warm fingers against my cheek.

"What's wrong?" I heard him ask, his voice full of concern.

That's when I felt the wetness on my face. I had been crying. I sniffed and wiped some of the tears. "What about me?" I forced myself to ask.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused.

"Where do I fit into your decisions?" I did my best not to let my emotions take over. I needed to have a sound mind so he could understand.

His face didn't straighten, he still didn't understand my sadness. "You're always part of my decisions."

"When?" I challenged. "I'm certainly not in this one."

He shook his head, denying the accusation. "If I have to leave by this December, everything will be taken care of. While I'm gone, I'll make sure your name is left on everything I'm leaving behind. People will think you might be a staff member looking after my property. You won't have to deal with any legal issues."

He didn't hesitate in his answer, which proved he had planned this out. "Where was I in any of this planning?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"I just figured you would trust I would take care of things. Did you really think I would leave you high and dry?" He looked a little hurt by this.

I refused to feel bad for him, though. I had my own hurt to think of. "How am I supposed to think that? We never talk about it. And whenever we do, your response is the same: what's best for the team. And that hurts to hear," I say that last part in a small voice because I feel my throat close up. Tears have started to form.

I wanted to keep cool, but as the words come out of my mouth, my emotions took over.

His hands were on my face again. "Gongjunim." I felt his lips on me, soothing me. His plump lips landed gently on me.

With his soft touch, he managed to calm me.

Once I was fully settled, he cradled my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. "There is no one I love more in this world than you. You mean everything to me. At the very top of my list of most important people is you. The guys, the team, and even the fans hold a place in my heart, but nowhere near how much you take up." He kissed me once again as if sealing his promise. "I'm sorry I failed at making you feel like you truly are my most prized treasure."

There was a crack in his voice and his face faltered when he said this.

I reached his face. "I don't doubt your love. But there are times I doubt my value. If you can't discuss everything and anything with me, what's the point of me? I know the importance of the guys and I don't ever want to take their place or mean more than them to you, but I want to be let in on the decision-making. It's not that I want a say; I just want you to talk to me."

"I hate talking to you about this because I hate making you worry," he explained. "To be honest, even with the team and the guys, we don't talk too much about it. We don't like discussing it either."

"Well, I want to talk to you about it. However uncomfortable something might be, I don't want those walls."

He nodded, understanding. "I promise to not keep this away from you again."

I reached over, taking his lips in mine.

**********

He kept his promise. Whenever the subject of his future service was brought up at work, Seokjinie reported back to me. The closer December came, the higher my anxiety and worry became. If the law didn't pass, he would be leaving sometime the following year. It started to feel more real.

I didn't realize how bad my anxiety was until the morning when the law was made official: idols could defer until they turned 30.

Seokjin was quick to let me know what the plan was within a day of the announcement.

"We're going to submit the paperwork to defer for two years," he said as we were getting ready for bed.

He had a long day, as I had. Normally, we liked to hang out in the living room for a while before turning in for bed, but today we opted to just head straight to bed.

"Two years?" I asked, applying lotion to my legs. I had just finished showering and had changed into my pajamas.

"Yeah, we're not planning on it being that long, but just to make things easier." He went on to explain in detail what he, the members, and the team had planned for 2021.

As I listened, I recognized its brilliance.

"If that doesn't work out and the law does not change, then I will be withdrawing the deferment in the summer of 2022. That way, we dedicate all of 2021 to the fans and our family. There will be a lot of time off, which means we can have a year similar to this one." He took hold of my left hand and brought it to his lips, focusing more on my ring finger.

Marriage was not a topic we shied away from. Quite the opposite, we spoke constantly and openly of our future together. He wanted to give me a huge wedding, but I wanted a smaller one. One in which only our loved ones were present. One with no crew, and no equipment. Just us and the ones who mattered most.

While 2020 had been devastating to the entire world, there had been a few good things that came out of it. One of those good things was the amount of time I managed to have Seokjin. I now mostly worked remotely and Seokjin hardly traveled anymore. It was rare when we didn't share at least one meal together every day. There were many couples we knew that the pandemic managed to break up, but the lockdown affected us differently. It only brought us closer.

I very much would love to have another year with Seokjin almost never leaving home, but that only meant the inevitable was being postponed. It was either going to hurt now or later. Was it best if he pushed it back? Would it hurt more later? But, dammit, I was selfish. I did want him to stay longer. I wanted more nights with him. More cuddles in the morning. More lunchtimes when I would randomly pop up at his building and hang out with him for the entire time. Until this year, I had never been able to do that. Hell, due to my long hours in the office, I hardly visited him at work anymore. This year allowed us to recreate the first year of our romance.

Seokjin must have heard my many thoughts and worries. He leaned in, catching my lips and making my worries float away.

**************

One Year Later...

"Thank you for dinner," I said to him after taking my last bite.

Due to my hybrid-style work schedule, I was usually the one cooking more lately. However, today I arrived home from work with Seokjin already there. A pleasant surprise since I was expecting him late at night. He insisted on planning dinner for me, which I happily welcomed.

I didn't want to push it, but I knew there had to be a reason why he was doing it. He was buttering me up for something. While he was always sweet and caring and romantic, today he went over the top. He cooked my favorite dish and had taken out my favorite bottle of wine. Not to mention ordering from my favorite dessert place. It was all classic signs: he had news for me that I may not enjoy. I stayed quiet about it, though, letting him go at his own pace.

He took our dishes, pecked my head, and took them to the sink. "Want dessert?"

"No. I want to wait a while. Let the food settle first," I said, taking a sip from my wine.

He was quick at washing the dishes. After he was done, he came back to sit next to me. "I have a bit of news, gongjunim," he said gently.

I said nothing but gave him my full attention.

Taking my hand in his, he began to speak. "As you know, the team has been discussing what next year's plans are. We have everything scheduled until the album comes out. There's a plan put in place and I have told them my plans for next year."

I nodded but still said nothing. I had a feeling I knew what this was going to be about. My stomach clenched a bit as if preparing itself.

He took a breath. "I've told the team that I want to withdraw my military deferment sometime in the summer." He kept his eyes on mine, blinking a couple of times.

Different emotions began to run through me, my stomach responding to them by churning. I did my best to suppress them. In front of him, I needed to keep it together. He was holding it together for me; I needed to do the same for him. I took a deep breath of my own. "Ok."

His thumb stroked the back of my hand. "I figure after the album comes out and we do a bit of promotion, we could dedicate some private time to us."

I gave another nod. So many emotions wanted to come out, but I held back.

We were getting closer to the summer and the reality of that was really hitting me.

He leans in, pressing kisses along my face.

I wanted to cry so much, but I fought them off. As Seokjin continued to kiss me, lust lingered in the bottom of my stomach. I honed in on that one emotion and allowed it to rise above the others.

Taking his face into my hands, I held his gorgeous face and captured his plump lips with mine. Opening my mouth against his, I deepened the kiss. I found myself pushing off my chair and climbing onto his lap.

His fingers wrapped around the back of my neck as he slipped his tongue between my lips.

I let out a moan, grinding on his thigh.

His other hand squeezed one of my hips. A moan came out of his lips as I ground harder.

It didn't take long for him to put me on display on top of the table; my top off and my bra gone. His lips were wrapped around my nipple, sucking gently as one of his palms squeezed my other breast.

I pulled at his shirt, making his toned abs clearly visible. God, he was physically hot. I found it cute that he was so publicly shy about showing it off, but when we were alone, he was fully comfortable. I felt my panties getting wet as I stared down at his bare back, his well-defined muscles moving as he explored my chest and stomach.

Even after all our years together, I maintained a very average figure. I had lost a bit of weight since our relationship started, but the gym was just not for me. Not to mention my love for food beat out my care for being skinny. I also quickly discovered early in our relationship that Seokjin loved my body as it was. He had actually mentioned several times how he loved having some meat to hold onto as he rammed into me. Hearing that bit of information always sounded fucking hot to me.

His body went down on mine, hot kisses trailing all the way down to my navel. He tugged off my pants and panties quickly, wasting no time to take my pussy into his thick lips.

My hips arched up at his touch, a deep moan coming out of me. I called out his name when I felt his tongue enter me.

"How do you always taste so sweet?" he asked in between slurps.

A fingertip lingered at my entrance. I writhed underneath him, my legs wrapping themselves on his broad shoulders. "Please."

"Tell me," he mumbled. The tip of his finger went slightly in, but he still kept it mostly out.

"Inside," I let out, gripping his hair now, pushing his face more into my core. I wanted him to suffocate in there.

He knows me so well. He let out a low chuckle as he let me push his face further into me. His finger slid in with no resistance; I was far too soaked.

It was one of my favorite things he does to me. His fingers are curved in such a way that he hits angles inside me without really trying. His fingertips especially only need to tilt a little to have me shivering underneath me.

And that's how he had me in less than a minute. My legs were shaking and my walls were squeezing around his single digit. "Not yet, jagiya." He was getting me so close to coming, I was sure of it. And I wanted it to last.

"Let's see how many we can get out of you tonight," he let out, his eyes digging into mine.

He looked so untamed between my thighs. His hair was a mess, his face was flushed, and his mouth was covered in my juices. The look in his eyes told me he had made up his mind. He was going to do whatever with my body and he would do everything in his lustful power to make me comply.

The last time he had this look about him, we didn't get out of bed for close to two days. Our bedroom was a mess. I swear COVID days had turned him feral. Not that I had any complaints. I might have been beyond exhausted by all the lovemaking, but fuck I didn't admit I instantly got wet thinking about it.

Reliving that experience always gave me a nervous thrill. My logical brain didn't think it could handle it. But my body always managed to win over.

"You're gonna be the end of me," I said to him, feeling myself give in to his touch.

His mouth tugged up into a devilish grin. Without another word, he dove in and pushed in several digits inside me.

A wail full of arousal came out of me as my walls tightened around his splendid fingers.

*****************

In the months that followed, Seokjin and I seemed to be going at it like rabbits. It felt as if we were in the first year of our relationship rather than getting closer to our fifth year. At first, I thought it was mostly me initiating the sex due to my need of wanting to take full advantage of every moment I had with him, but at times when I wouldn't initiate it, Seokjin had his hands all over me. I imagined he was thinking the same as me. Summer kept getting closer.

Thankfully, other than preparing for the concerts and his month away in the States, Seokjin's schedule was pretty free. We had plenty of time to spend together.

Shortly before they left for their time in the States, one morning Jin received a message regarding an unexpected meeting they would be having with their managers later that day.

I had made us a light breakfast. We were both early birds, so we still managed to have a morning all to ourselves before he had to take off.

After we were done eating, we cuddled on the couch and watched one of our favorite cooking shows.

"Any idea what the meeting is going to be about?" I asked, curiously.

"All I know is that it will have to do with the Expo in 2030. We think they want to involve us in the bid. Probably give a small performance. We might have to record something," Jin said casually. His attention was more on the screen.

Instinctively, I got a little worried. "When would that take place? You guys have so much scheduled all of May. You only have a little bit of time off in April after the concerts."

"I'm sure we'll be able to squeeze it in." He kissed my head. "Don't worry. July is still going to be only ours," he promised, giving me a smile.

His words were all I needed to calm down. I stretched my neck and caught his lips with mine.

We continued to watch the show in front of us but a little later, my eyes scanned the room and they landed on the clock. I let out a groan.

"What?" he asked, his thick lips lingering around my throat, placing hot pecks.

"Your car is going to get here in an hour." I pressed back against him, loving how great he felt around me.

As I felt his breath skim over my shoulder, his fingers slid under my shirt. Well, it was actually his shirt I was wearing. But regardless, his fingers were being naughty. "Seokjinah," I warned, not being able to hold back my smile.

"Hmmm?" he hummed as his lips pressed to my warm skin.

"We don't have time," I giggled as he kissed a sensitive spot.

His fingers found one of my breasts and he squeezed. "I can get us there fast."

I giggled again at his mischievous behavior. "Seokjinssi."

His other hand started to make its way into the front of my pants. "Give me ten minutes. Max. That's enough for two rounds."

"Two rounds?" I asked, incredulously. "I am not some porn star, you know."

"The way you rode me the other night could have fooled me," he whispered into my ear. His voice was low and husky. And the way his fingers made it under my panties right at that moment and slid between my bottom lips sent a quiver down my legs.

A flash of our recent lovemaking came to mind. He wasn't wrong. I had been possessed.

I didn't further protest as his finger entered me. The position we were in allowed him to hit my sweet spot rather quickly. My hand took hold of his pants and I gripped them tightly. I breathed out his name.

His nose and lips skimmed her skin and hair. Though his touches were light, they were enough to spread a powerful heat along my body.

"How about it, gongjunim? You think you can go two rounds with me?" his deep and husky voice traveled up my neck and hit my eardrums.

I couldn't think clearly, though. The tone of his voice and the way his fingers were working my pussy were distracting me, making my head foggy.

Not sure when it occurred, but my pajama pants were pushed down, along with my panties, allowing Seokjin's fingers to work inside me easier.

My hips rotated, allowing my ass to rub against his bulge. The feeling of his clothed member pressed against me made me moan deeper.

His finger pinched my nipple as his fingers went in and out of me in a faster and rougher pace.

This only made me rub against him harder.

"Shit," he let out. He pushed my shirt up, his head digging in and mouthing my bra.

His hands were too busy, so I helped him out. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra.

Those beautiful, full lips were instantly around my nipple. His tongue ran circles around the bud as he sucked and pulled.

The sound of his slurps and my wet pussy quenching against his fingers started to push me over the cliff.

"Almost," I announced, grinding harder against him.

"I can feel it. Cum for me, beautiful." He purposefully made his slurps louder and his fingers became rougher, blasting the wet sounds in the room.

I was pushed closer, loving how beautiful our lovemaking sounded. And then I felt his thumb flick against my clit and I came fully undone. I called out to him as I reached the stars. My thighs clutched onto his hand, keeping him there as I rode out my orgasm.

However, I didn't have enough time to fully land back on earth before he bent over on the couch. The next time I felt was his large and engorged tip pressing onto my entrance. I only had enough time to take a breath before he pushed inside me.

I mewled underneath him. I was so grateful I was now fully on birth control. I loved not needing to think about it. It certainly made our lovemaking stress free.

I pushed back against him, wanting him to speed up. I felt my arousal come back in such a short time. Honestly, you would think I was some sort of horny teenager. How was I this wet again and ready to go so quickly?

He gripped my waist, took a good hold of my meat there, and slammed hard against me.

I fell down onto the cushions below me, losing my balance from his powerful thrust. Whimpers came out of me as he adjusted and pushed my thighs further apart. He settled down on me as his hips banged strongly against mine. He twisted his movements a little and hit a sweet spot inside me.

"Oh, god," I moaned, feeling another orgasm approaching.

He pushed up, the angle now striking my g-spot with full force. "I want you shaking underneath me," he growled.

Seokjin had a kink in watching my body fully lose control. He loved to watch it spasm, which was why he took delight in giving me multiple orgasms. He liked to see the aftershocks.

I had a love-hate relationship with his kink. My body loved the action, but my brain hated not being in control. But I never regretted it. Quite the opposite, every time we did it, I secretly hoped for multiple orgasms--which he almost always gave.

One of his hands wiggled under my body and searched for my core. Once he found my clit, he stroked it.

"Seokjinaaaaaah," I whined, my legs coming up and wiggling under his powerful body.

His other hand pushed my waist down, holding me still as he applied all his weight there. "Come on." He encouraged me as he slammed in, his long cock coming in and out of me.

A few strokes later and I came undone. This time, he allowed me to stay in the stars. He joined me quickly after, his hips aligned with mine and his cum pumping into my walls.

My body shook underneath his. It curled in a little, needing to self-soothe.

His breath was on my neck, coming in pants. "I love you, gongjunim."

My pussy squeezed his beautiful cock. I turned and my eyes met his. I knew I looked like a mess. "I love you, jagiya."

He leaned in and kissed me lovingly.

*************

Every day was hard. With every day that passed, it got both easier and harder. The nerves were always there. He would be leaving soon. I had come to accept it and brace for it. It had taken a long time, but as he had told me over and over again, "The sooner I leave, the sooner I can come back to you."

He was busy again, but still never broke the first promise he made me. He never went more than 48 hours without contact. Hell, he actually never went more than 24 hours without reaching out to me. And even during his concerts, he ensured we didn't go longer than two weeks without seeing each other.

Every promise he made to me had never been broken.

"July is all ours," he would vow when I felt his schedule was too busy.

It was all I needed to calm down.

So, you can imagine how I felt that day when I arrived home early from work.

I was positive Jin hadn't heard the door announce my arrival. I heard voices coming from the living room. Taking off my shoes, I slowly made my way in. From the words I was catching, I knew this was a serious and private conversation. I didn't like being nosy, so I made my way to the spare bedroom, knowing Seokjin and our guest wouldn't have heard me.

Just as I took out my earphones so I could listen to music as they spoke, I recognized the voice of the guest. It was Namjoon. There were a few words he said that pulled me and caused me to eavesdrop.

"Last concert." "Our fans will be disappointed." "We need you." "It would only be a few months you would push it back."

Possessed, I felt my body moving closer in so I could have a clearer listen.

Seokjin's voice came. "I have postponed this multiple times. You don't understand the pain it causes every time this subject is brought up. For so long, I couldn't give her a direct answer. I finally gave her a definite date. I can't keep doing this to her," his words were tight and controlled. But there was an almost lethal tone to them. I had heard it from him before but it was so seldom and never directed to any of his members.

"I know, hyung. But this is our last time. We didn't get to have this full experience in February. We've been given another chance," Namjoon sounded desperate.

"It's always something. First, it was the world tour, which didn't happen. Then it was the GRAMMYs. Then it was the concerts. Then the GRAMMYs again. Then it was the album. It's never-ending."

Namjoon agreed. "I know, I know. But we mean it this time. This will be it."

There was a long pause.

My heart stopped beating. My breathing paused. Desperately, I waited.

I wasn't completely sure what they were talking about, but I knew it wasn't good. It sounded like his deferment was going to stay intact another while longer. More months of waiting. More months with my worry. But my heart screamed at me. Seokjin promised. He always keeps his promises. But still, I was frozen and I waited.

Seokjin finally spoke. "This will be the last time you ask this of me, Namjoonah."

The feeling of a thousand knives dug into my chest and heart.

Then, with a small voice, Namjoon finally responded. "Yes, hyung."

It was an odd tone to hear from Namjoon. As the leader of the group, he never appeared submissive. He wasn't authoritative, but he certainly wasn't one to bend over and take it.

I might have felt concerned for his feelings if my own heart wasn't shattering at the moment.

There was a shuffling noise. Steps.

Closer.

"Noona," came Namjoon's voice. He was in front of me, in the hall. I was still inside the guest bedroom.

I'm not sure how I looked, but his entire face almost came undone. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were here." He turned, probably towards Jin. Then turned back to me. He gave a most polite and respectful farewell. "Stay in good health, noona," he said and then made his way out.

I still couldn't move. I wanted to. Wanted to yell and Jin and demand answers.

Then, he was in front of me.

"Gongjunim." Seokjin's voice was full of nervousness and slight fear. "When did you get home?"

And then I came undone. I felt the tears start coming down.

His arms were instantly around me. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," he said over and over, desperately.

It seemed as if after all the years of holding it in, I finally cracked. I had respected his decision so many times. I kept it in every time I felt disappointed. Disappointed that he kept putting it off. I had been understanding. I had been patient.

But he had promised. He had fucking promised me!

As I cried on his shoulder, I felt his own sobs. "I'm sorry," he kept mumbling.

And I hated him.

Hated that he was an idol.

_______________

Chapters : 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05(M) | 06(M) | 07

MASTERLIST

NOTE: While the other chapters were a little more light and ended in a more "tongue in cheek" kind of way, I wanted a couple of these "Hates" to be more heavy and realistic.

While this chapter was a pretty long one, next one is VERY short and sweet.

#bts kim seokjin #kim seokjin #jin x ofc #bts jin #jin x reader #idol!jin #relationship troubles #secret relationship #kim namjoon #bts rm #bts fanfic #jin fanfic #Spotify #Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin

[tate06]

EVERYBODY FIGHTS

—————————————————————————

Phillip Graves × gender neutral reader 

♡ This again was written for my lovely friend sienna, love you! ♡

(I am very sorry if there are any spelling errors I didn’t have the time to proof read it.)

——————————————————

Graves had recently come home from a mission which seemed to leave him a bit stressed out and clinging to you. You didn’t mind the cling rather so you understood it. But you did mind the constant judgment of your choices and the need to boss you around like one of his soldiers. If you left a plate sitting on the counter just for one moment you’d automatically be told to wash it right away. You’d be more understanding if it were the fact that he just didn’t like cluster and dirtiness but it was much more than that. It was as if you didn’t do it the way he wanted it to be done then why do it at all? Though even that wasn’t the case because then he’d probably complain about that too. When you tried his “way” it was never right. So you had chosen to give up until today.

You were cutting up some ingredients for dinner he had stopped what he was doing to show me how to do it the “right” way. When he’d act like this you’d start to count the days of his deployment… Though you didn’t actually want him gone just in those moments. So you didn’t even retaliate you let him finish up cutting it all up you continued to cook, and once you had finished you weren’t feeling hungry anymore.

“Sweet, what’s wrong?” Graves asked taking a bit from his food.

You took a minute before you even spoke to put how you felt together but nothing came. You had already wasted so many words on this subject you didn’t know how else to explain it.

“Philip you’ve been beyond overbearing this whole week. Ever since you got back. It’s always harder the first few days of your returns it calms down the longer you’re back but still, it’s hard to put up with.”

“Sweet I’m really sorry but I didn’t mean-” You cut him off by getting up. You didn’t feel like talking about it, not right now at least. You headed towards the bedroom falling face forward onto the bed positioned like a stuffed doll. You could hear Graves from the slightly opened down. Moving around in the kitchen. The sound of the faucet running, and plates being cleaned.

A few minutes passed though it felt like ever. You regretted just walking out on him midsentence. Just before you could get up you could hear his footsteps walking down the hall, once he reached the door you could hear here the door creak open and close slowly as if he were hesitating to check up on you. Finally, though you could feel the wind from the door breeze on your legs that hung off the bed.

“Sweetheart…” Graves wasn’t the best with words so he’d simply save them and instead of wasting his breath he’d always just hug you or kiss you. Any form of physical affection was his way of showing his love, but at this moment was his way of genuinely showing remorse for his actions.

He made his way to the bed he kneeled at the side of it, placing and tilting his head to be in eye to eye. He brought his hand to pass through your hair, he messed around with it for a few seconds he climbed onto the bed. He brought you up to be sitting in the middle of the bed resting on his chest. He gave out a sigh seeing how you were still upset showing no sign of cheering up.

“I’m sorry for walking out on you.” You said burying your face into his chest starting to feel a bit of embarrassment creeping up your back.

He just let out a chuckle shaking his head, you pushed back from him allowing him to kiss you. It was a soft pleasant kiss. It wasn’t filled with needy passion. His lips were surprisingly the best kind of apology. You know he didn’t mean to make you upset or cause you upset and this kiss was confirmation. Every action, every touch he gave had meaning. He laid down on his back carefully, and he held you tight pressing into his chest again. His arms wrapped around you was a clear statement of him promising change. You knew change would happen. Fighting isn’t worth it but the resolution truly made up for it. You both stayed like that the whole night.

A few days went by and the nagging overbearingness had died down by a lot. He seemed to be relaxed. Of course it’ll take him some more time to fully get the hang of it, and it’s not like you were expecting it to leave completely because part of it was just him being who he was. You loved him for him but sometimes it was just extremely aggravating.

“Sweet where are you?” Graves called out from the front door, he sounded exhausted.

“I’m in the laundry!”

Graves finally appeared in the doorway, greeted with the image of you on the floor surrounded by piles and piles of unseparated clothes. He looked down at what you think he considered a mess and just when he was about to open his mouth he quickly stopped himself from mentioning anything about the colors. He took a moment, gave out a low sigh and sat down right beside you.

“Need any help folding?” He smiled, finding a pile to start with.

“Yes, that would be nice of you!” You noticed his reaction, saw how he was putting in the effort to change. It felt nice to see him be lenient over these types of things recently and constantly. Not being able to help yourself, you gave him a peck on his cheek. You wanted to show him you were thankful and proud of him.

#philip graves #call of duty #call of duty mw2 #philip graves fanfic #writing #fluff #argument #relationship troubles

[remembertheplunge]

Another journal entry

11/28/2004

“In fact, if there is any rule in writing a diary, it is to record the date of each entry.” From the book “New Diary” page 31.

We are listening to “Wait, wait, Don’t tell me”. (National Public Radio)

Jim “ I’m making Turkey soup, and your’e writing. You lazy bum.”

Me “Quit picking on me.” I sip white wine.

Studying my November Book, The New Diary.

Purchased in 1983. Wow!

Jim “ You are writing during our show!” (Wait wait Don’t Tell Me)

I need to write. Gets me through disturbing times. Ahhhhhh!

He can be so mean. Twist and twist and twist.

Just write.

End of entry

Note: Jim was my partner. we lived together and he did the cooking. But, he could be pretty mean at times.

Here is an an example of how my writing helped me get through that intense time with Jim

Writing it down also preserved the moment.

Eventually Jim would tell me “I know why you write the journals now. They are a living thing.”

#writing #11/28/2004 #journaling #relationship troubles

[avoidantunpersonality]

I’m sorry that texting me back is such a fucking chore, I see that you have the energy to tweet fifty times a day tho

#why can no one ever put me first like I do for them #just once I’d like to be someone’s top priority #is that too much to ask???? #bpd #bpd mood #actually bpd #quiet bpd #relationship troubles

[flames-in-the-west]

Does anyone ever feel like you have such a disconnect from how relationships and love work that you feel like it's impossible to be in a relationship, even if you really want to be in one?

Like, I'm Ace, and I want to be in a relationship, but I don't know how to do that and it's hard to understand because when people talk about it online, it's in this nebulous "you'll know it when you know it" way.

Like, no, I won't! I don't experience attraction and I'm socially awkward, how do people find each other? And I know the answer isn't "be not socially awkward" because I've met some people that can't hold a conversation to save their life end up in loving relationships.

How? How is it done? Am I missing something or am I just supremely unlucky? How do people fall in love, especially when no one has free time?

#ace #relationship troubles

[eyelesslover]

i literally want to die so much

#me when my bitches have other bitches #self h@rm #self h@te #i want to die #relationship troubles #:( why

[karihighman]

I didn’t really know if I articulated my thoughts properly or not on the podcast regarding Chenford’s argument/fight scene vs. the breakup scene, so here it goes (abbreviated version on twitter already):

Chenford’s argument scene hit different in my opinion because of how Eric and Melissa’s acting skills made it come across so real and relatable, just like an actual intense convo would go between a couple who were emotionally charged.

There would be voices breaking, hands gesturing, and they would talk over each other at times, which is exactly what happened in their argument scene.

I wish I could find a gif that had the specific moment within the scene that really encapsulates this well, but I can’t. It’s the one part where they’re both talking at the same time almost about Angela vs. Lucy and what they have to lose (if that makes sense!) and it just really elevated the impact of the scene for me.

Not to say that their breakup scene was emotionally powerful too because it totally was! I was teary eyed during my second watch of it. Their breakup scene had me more emotional, but the argument scene was more impactful (if I had to pick a word), in my opinion, that is.

While my Chenford heart hurt watching both of those scenes, The Rookie fan is me was very proud of how well Eric and Melissa acted together and how it truly was on another level of talent for them!! I can totally see why Melissa referred to the argument scene when talking of Lucy going through something different/more vulnerable.

Also, while I did say this clearly on the podcast, I will reiterate here that while I can understand Tim’s reasons for breaking up with Lucy from a psychological standpoint, it doesn’t make it any less frustrating — poor Lucy! It truly did seem to be out of the blue to her & she’s already been through a lot this season professionally, it’s just like, BAM! Here’s a personal issue now. Although now she and Tim will be dealing with personal and professional issues this season! So that’ll be interesting to see how it all plays out.

I have total faith Tim and Lucy will get back together and be stronger than ever. It’ll just take time to get through this & I’m looking forward to seeing how they navigate things as individuals again instead of solely as a couple.

#the rookie #chenford #lucy chen #tim bradford #chenford breakup #the rookie 6x06 #just my thoughts #argument scene #relationship troubles #angst

[warpedlegacywrites]

Chapter 21: Perfect Storm

Weeks of suffering and turmoil have all built up to this moment, and Theresa and Cullen may have reached a point of no return.

Theresa stands on the precipice, and looks down.  Her dreams of late keep returning her to her favourite view from her balcony at Skyhold. Her whole life, circling the same point of reference. As steady an anchor as the Black City that floats on the horizon.  She feels it the instant Cullen’s mind enters the Fade. The shift in the flow of thought is unmistakable. Her awareness has been trained on that empty pocket where he normally manifests, perched like a hawk scanning the horizon. Deliberating with herself.  The air around her ripples with worry. A slow-building fear has been taking shape in her mind despite her best efforts. Fear that he’s keeping something from her. Fear that she knows what. And that fear turns her thoughts inexorably toward an imprudent notion.  Theresa stands on the precipice, and looks down. Down into darkness and decay. Into the festering blackness of Kirkwall laid out below.  She shouldn’t. It’s wrong to enter another’s dream without permission. The ultimate transgression. The very thing most feared about Dreamers. Never before has she crossed that threshold, and especially not Cullen’s. Only guarded from the outside with wards, or pulled him into her dream. To protect. To shield.  Is that not what she would be doing here? If he won’t tell her the truth of it… She cannot let him linger in pain. If she’s to help him, she has to know.  Theresa stands on the precipice, looks down, and takes the leap. 

DAFF tag list: @rakshadow, @rosella-writes, @effelants, @bluewren, @breninarthur, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @dreadfutures, @ir0n-angel, @inquisimer, @crackinglamb, @theluckywizard, @nirikeehan, @oxygenforthewicked, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @melisusthewee, @blarrghe, @agentkatie, @delicatefade, @leggywillow, @about2dance, @plisuu

#my writing #the black city #while time remains #theresa x cullen #cullen x trevelyan #rosalie rutherford #theresa trevelyan #cullen rutherford #feynriel #feynriel x rosalie rutherford #relapse #grief #relationship troubles #trauma #ptsd #this is a heavy one y'all fair warning

[psycheharbor]

7 Early Signs Your Relationship May Not Last Long

#youtube #relationship #relationship trouble #relationship troubles #psychology

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 22 (M)

Chapter 22: "Busco lo que escondes"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (language, explicit sexual scene)

Status: COMPLETE

Trigger warnings: trauma, flashbacks of domestic violence (there will be ***** symbols at the end and beginning of SMALL descriptive scene), miscommunication/relationship troubles

Warnings/Spoilers: sex toys (anal), spanking

*******

-SoFi, PTD Day 1-

It was the first day of the concert. I was currently in a private, VIP room that had a great view of the guys. I had acquired the room for all four days and invited the guys’ girlfriends and Ky. I had offered to get other private rooms for the guys’ families, but they all preferred to be a part of the crowd. They liked to witness the fans first-hand.

Currently, Unnie and Ky were having a conversation about the upcoming concert in Seoul. The show hadn’t started, so I had been looking around at the crowd. However, there were a few keywords Unnie and Ky had said that were pulling me to their discussion.

“Have you seriously never been to Korea?” Unnie asked Ky.

Ky nodded. “All my grandparents died when I was very young and all my aunts and uncles live here in the States, so there was never a reason to go. But this will be the first time I visit.”

This threw me off. I didn’t know about Ky going to Korea. “Wait, you’re going?”

“Yeah, Yoongi invited me to the Seoul concert,” Ky answered.

I looked appalled. He and Yoongi had become close over the years and were KakaoTalk buddies. Ky was going to be taking Yoongi to a Clippers game in the upcoming weeks. However, I’m the one who Ky had known the longest and in the two years I lived in Korea, he never came to visit. “So, if Yoongi asks, then you go?”

He gave me an innocent smile. “He gave me free tickets.”

I sent him a glare. “Freeloader,” I teased but kind of meant it.

Ky laughed and didn’t deny it.

Finally, the show started. The entire audience went wild as the lighting changed and the opening preview on the screens started.

As the show went on, there was an overwhelming sense of glee. Namjoon never looked more attractive than when he sweat bullets and tonight was no exception. It had been years since their last live audience and it was emotional for them. They looked exhausted and spent, but that didn’t stop them from giving it their all. I clapped and cheered the entire show, beating my vocals raw. When they gave their final bow to the crowd, I was in desperate need of either a cough drop or tea. I took easy and quick notice of Namjoon’s face. He was feeling a mixture of different emotions. He gave his blood, sweat, and tears to every individual in the audience. He had been couped up and kept away from what he loved and had finally been given his freedom.

Through the monitors, anyone could see how touched he was and how close to tears he was on several occasions. My heart swelled at seeing him. He was grateful, he was appreciative, and most importantly, he was happy.

Tears caught up to me eventually as the guys exited for the final time.

Ky and the girlfriends began to exit and I followed. However, before we left the stadium, I remembered something and rushed to the restroom.

****

I didn’t get to see the guys immediately after the show. They were put into private vehicles immediately after their bow and rushed to their hotel so as to avoid fans finding their location.

The girlfriends and I arrived at their hotel no more than half an hour after. Namjoon had sent me a message instantly after the show, asking my whereabouts. He seemed to have forgotten our small fight and was in a good mood by his very intimate and explicit language.

  MONI: You remembered to forget your night clothes, right? 😉

God, even the wink emoji made me weak; I instantly thought of his wink.

  ME: Yes. I also got a surprise for you….

  MONI: What is it?

  ME: …you’ll have to wait and see….

  MONI: What is it????!

I decided to torture him, so I put away my phone. Once at the hotel, we were privately escorted to their floor by hotel staff. Once on their floor, we were greeted by some of the guys.

We hung out for a bit in Jungkook’s room, dancing and drinking a bit before Namjoon and I were able to sneak into his room, making sure their staff wasn’t looking. We did, however, catch Yoongi's eye.

“Lock the door this time,” he said with a teasing grin, surely remembering the time Namjoon’s parents almost caught us last month.

I sent him a glare. “It locks automatically behind us.”

Yoongi laughed. “Knowing your luck….”

We dodged prying eyes and rushed into Namjoon’s room, which was right across from Jungkook’s. Namjoon put a Do Not Disturb sign on his door and turned on his Bluetooth speaker, selecting a playlist for us. The walls were pretty solid, but he was ensuring we would have full privacy.

I gave him a coy smile. “Why have the music so loud?”

He smirked. “It's not because of what you think. I always have it this loud.”

“Uh-huh…sure….” I turned away from him and took off my shoes, tossing them to a corner and setting down my overnight bag.

Long, warm arms wrapped around my waist from behind me, pulling me flush into hot and sticky skin. “So, where’s this surprise?” his low timbre voice was enough to weaken my knees.

I shivered as his lips traveled along my neck. “Find it,” I breathed out, taking hold of his long hands and bringing them to my shirt.

He took the hint and began to undress me.

I was down to my lingerie when he took several steps back and made me do a full spin so he could take a proper and long look at me. I had on a lacy and black matching set and judging by the way his eyes were ravaging my body, I had chosen right.

“I love surprises,” he mumbled, a little bit of saliva coming out of the corner of his mouth.

I let out a chuckle. “This is not the surprise, baby.”

His eyes shot up, meeting mine. His features turned soft at hearing the endearment.

I fought back a smile, my heart fluttering at knowing the word had such an effect on him as it did on me when he called me ‘babe’. I kept the focus on the task at hand, however. Taking a couple of steps closer to him, I managed to fill in the gap that separated us. I took hold of his hand and placed it on my lower back, on top of my panties. “It’s somewhere under these,” I said in a husky voice.

The furrowed brow told me he wasn’t understanding. I decided to get a little bolder. Taking control of his hand, I pushed it underneath the material so his hands could touch my flesh. His long, slender fingers brushed between my lower ass cheeks, close to my pucker hole. It didn’t take long after a shift in his fingers for him to find it. His eyes grew wide in shock and surprise.

I let go of his hand, allowing his fingers to linger there; allowing him to trace his surprise.

He hadn’t taken a shower yet. He had merely wiped down his sweat, so he was sticky. And it was a complete turn-on. I remembered the amount of sweat that dripped out of him during the concert. Recalled the see-through t-shirt clinging to his chiseled chest, how he had brought down his jacket halfway down his arms as if he was going to take it off. But he had been a complete tease. That damn jacket remained on while he was out on stage.

Remembering this, I took hold of his shirt and tugged at it, needing him just as exposed as I was. He bent down, allowing me to undress him. I silently cheered in triumph; his wide chest and back were fully exposed to me now. And I wanted more. I reached for his belt and with hurried fingers, I took off his pants.

Namjoon’s thick lips took hold of my top lip, his tongue slipping inside my mouth to get a better taste of me. He was as hungry for me as I was for him.

I gripped his shoulders and I climbed him. His powerful arms wrapped around my waist and buttocks. He lifted me easily off the ground, never breaking contact with my lips.

As he reached around to my bra, I remembered something. I reached into my cup and took out another small surprise.

He noticed my hand reach inside my bra and stopped after unclasping it. His eyes at first stayed on my globes, his mouth drooling. However, he almost choked when he noticed what I had taken from my bra. His heavy-lidded eyes widened as he recognized what I was holding. A small bottle of lube.

Pulling his eyes away from my hand, his sight traveled up to meet me, a question looming there.

I gave him a confident nod, reaching around and pulling the plug out of me. A small moan made its way out of my lips. Namjoon’s fingers, which were on my ass cheeks, gripped me at hearing the sound.

Keeping eye contact with the demi-god before me, I brought the plug to my lips and gave it a long lick before my mouth wrapped around it like a lollipop. Namjoon’s thick and long cock strained against his boxers. I had to be careful not to push too much. He looked ready to cum just by my little demonstration. Taking hold of the bottle and opening it, I applied a good amount of lube to it before reaching back and reapplying it inside.

A deep moan left me as I pushed it back in. I had done anal with a couple of guys, but I never liked it, even though I enjoyed it when I used and experimented with a plug by myself. I wasn’t planning on letting Namjoon take me up the ass tonight, but maybe we could experiment a little. Push some boundaries. We had already discussed what we would like to try out in the bedroom and this was one of them. Tonight seemed like the perfect, special occasion.

His lips were on mine again, claiming me. He led us somewhere, but my brain was too foggy to think where we were headed. His kisses made it hard to concentrate.

Suddenly, I felt a stinging coldness against my bare back. He placed me down on the ground, giving me a final kiss before he pulled away.

I clung to his forearms, feeling dizzy. I looked up into his dark eyes, the wildness in them making me shiver.

He’d never looked this intense before. I imagine the concert had pent up a lot of energy. I knew the feeling. I had no experience with drugs—my mother’s dependency when I was younger served as a lesson to never try any of them—but the high people described from them, I related to the feeling I got right after walking off a stage. I always needed to do something big to bring my body back down after a show. And sometimes sex was the right kind of counterbalance for it.

Namjoon was on that same high and needed to let out his energy on something—or someone, somebody. And judging by the look in his eyes, he was thinking the same thing.

Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if my pussy was creating a puddle right at our feet. I was so turned on by his feral look.

I took a step back and recognized we were by the balcony. My naked back was pressed against the glass door. I knew why he brought us here. We were high in the hotel—high in the LA skyline. The view of the city lights was breathtaking. Thousands of people living below us. Thousands of people to have sex in front of without them knowing.

I kept my eyes on him, my hand reaching down between us, and finding nothing was covering him. He had taken off his boxers. Even better. I took hold of his cock, giving it long, slow strokes. He let out a moan as he closed the gap between us. I was now pinned against his hot, naked flesh and the cold, glass door. Polar temperatures, but exactly what I needed.

“Use me,” I nearly begged. My body shook, wanting to give in to his.

His wild eyes turned soft at this. He held my stare for a moment, and we had a silent conversation. I knew what his body wanted. I was aware of what was to come. And I trusted him with my body—he had never given me a reason not to.

For a moment, he held my cheek affectionately in his palm, his primal features having dissolved to turn into the absolute fluffball I adored. “Tell me when you want me to stop. Or tap me twice, ok?” There was a slight worry in his tone, but his confidence was still taking charge. Namjoon never did something he wasn’t fully sure of.

We had discussed the possibility of this. Namjoon didn’t believe in a safe word. A simple ‘no’ or ‘stop’ was all he needed. And we had agreed that if I was in a position where I couldn’t speak, then tapping him would be the alternative.

My eyes stayed on his and I nodded. “I trust you.”

His lips were on mine; he was soft at first. Endearing. Affectionate. But quickly, the fire went ablaze. His mouth turned rougher; his tongue turned desperate.

I could hardly catch my breath; my lungs begged for air. I pulled my mouth a little away and his lips didn’t chase. Instead, they traveled downward, claiming my jaw. His full lips took pecks throughout my body. He spent some extra time and attention on my breasts, sucking on them and making them red and wet before going down my stomach.

He gave my pussy a few licks before taking hold of my hips and turning them around. My ass was now right in front of his face as my chest pressed against the cold glass. I let out a long whine when the tip of his tongue touched the rim of the plug.

A sudden slap on my ass echoed throughout the room and I felt a sudden gush of slick come out of my cunt. It didn’t hurt too bad, but it certainly was no love tap and I was surprised by how good it felt. A loud moan let out from deep within me.

“Quiet,” he said roughly. “We’re gonna be found out.”

A slap to my other cheek. This time it was a little rougher, but still had the same effect on me. However, I bit down the moan this time.

Namjoon’s hands began to knead at my ass, enjoying the feel of my thickness. “My girl likes to be ordered, huh?”

Slap.

I pressed my thighs together. I was sure he was going to make me cum by the slaps and his voice alone. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, following his orders.

“Answer me,” he nearly barked out.

Pressing my legs tighter together, I sucked in a deep breath to better control myself. “Yes,” I squeaked out.

Slap!

“Shit!” My fingers dug into the icy glass as I held back. If this son of a bitch slapped me again, I was positive I was going to cum.

He must have realized this himself because he began to soothe my skin and press kisses around it. His fingers grazed at the plug. “You’re doing so good.” A light kiss on my lower back as I felt his fingers take hold of the plug. “You ready to take this out so we can play a little?”

Now, I was positive his voice was going to make me cum. “Yeah,” I said in desperation.

The plug slowly pulled out of me. A sense of relief and loss swept through my body at it leaving me.

“You want it back in, baby?” Namjoon asked, having sensed my body.

“Mmm-hmmm,” I let out a whimper.

Ever so slowly, Namjoon pressed it back in. Then began to pull out.

For the next few minutes, he played with my pucker, taking me to the brink of ecstasy until he pulled fully back and kept me from reaching my orgasm. It was the sweetest type of torture.

I had never taken a liking to anal when done by a partner, but Namjoon treated my body so well. This exploration felt just as good as any of the other positions we had tried.

Finally, after long moments of him having fun torturing me, he put the plug back in and got back on his feet. “Think you can take me with that inside you, baby?”

I nodded my head enthusiastically. “Please.”

His lips took hold of my bottom one, nibbling it a little before pulling away. “I love how my girl is so quick to try anything.”

My fingers dug into his shoulders, pulling him to me. “Only with you,” I confessed. “I trust you.”

A look flashed across his face as he stared down at me. It felt familiar. I had seen this look in a set of eyes before but I couldn’t pinpoint to who or when. His facial features were so soft and serene—so goddamn beautiful. The beauty in turn made me feel warm all over.

My heart hammered against my chest, something primal coming from the pit of my chest.

He opened his mouth, ready to say something.

Acting purely on instinct, I took hold of his face and pulled him down to meet my lips.

For the next, long moments, we kissed intensely. And then I felt myself get scooped up off the floor. My back became cold again, but the thick and long cock that slowly entered me kept me warm.

There had been so much foreplay that my body was begging to come apart. Not to mention the plug inside my backdoor pecker was stimulating me in all the right ways. I was able to come fully apart right then, but my soul didn’t want to give in just yet. He still needed to get there and I wanted to fall apart in the heavens with him.

He let out a curse as he came in and out of me; I was positive the plug was hitting his cock along my inner walls.

At first, he went long and slow, but very quickly, his rough side took over.

Namjoon caught on that I was holding back. Judging by the vein against his throat making an appearance, I knew he was close. And he always made sure I came before him.

He moved my hips to a different angle. I let out a gasp as his finger ran circles on my clit.

“Oh, my—Namu!” My hand snapped to his wrist, wanting him to slow down his strokes.

He stopped, waiting to see if I would say anything or move his hand away. While my brain wanted to stop him, my body craved for him to take me wherever he wanted to.

After a few seconds of me not moving his hand away, Namjoon continued at his previous pace. He kept hitting a sensitive spot over and over with fast agility. His head dipped down to me. I could feel his breath along my neck. “Fucking cum for me,” he demanded in my ear through clenched teeth.

It was just what I needed—what my body couldn’t resist. His commanding voice had a way of making me do anything and everything for him. My knees quivered, my hand kept his fingers in place, my cunt tightened around his long cock, and I came fully undone.

Namjoon let out a moan, joining me in the stars.

My vision was full of darkness, my head empty of thoughts. All that was present was how incredible my body felt. How light I was. And how perfect the heavy body holding me up felt. My soul and flesh wanted to wrap themselves around Namjoon’s and live there. I never wanted to detach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was in the middle of the night and I had just woken from a long nap with Namjoon. I had taken a peek outside and noticed security was stationed around the elevator. Their backs were to the doors. I could hear music and laughter coming from the room across. Jungkook seemed to still be partying. Possibly with Jimin, Hobi, and Yuna.

If I left Namjoon’s room now without security seeing me, they would think I was part of Jungkook’s party.

Closing the door quietly, I decided it was the perfect time to leave. I gathered my things quickly.

“What are you doing?” said a tired voice from the bed.

Setting down my things on the table, I made my way to him. I gave him a smile as I answered him, “There's not much security. I’m gonna take advantage and head out before more guards come.”

He frowned at me, looking appalled. “What? Are you serious?”

My features fell at his reaction. “Yeah…?”

He turned over to the bed frame where an alarm clock stood. “It’s 3AM.”

”Uh-huh…?” Suddenly, I was having trouble understanding why my brilliant idea wasn’t so brilliant.

His frown deepened and he started to look more incredulous at my responses. What was I saying that was getting him like this? “Is something wrong?”

“Is something wrong?” His tone was sharp and nearly venomous. “What do you think this is, Mayahuel?”

“Huh?” I don't think I could be more lost.

“You’re treating me like some one-night fucktoy. You’re ready to just fuck me and leave me. What kind of shit is that?”

His sudden outburst of cursing was unexpected and it made my hands feel a little clammy.

****""What the fuck is this?!"

"What?"

"This!"

"I don't know. Yours?"

CRASH!

"Those are NOT mine, you fucking asshole. It belongs to your goddamn fucktoy!"

"Again? You're accusing me again?!"

"Get the fuck out!"

Crash!

"Why are you always so fucking crazy? Did you not take enough of your meds today?!"

Crash!

"Get out!"

"This is my house too, woman!"

"I pay the mortgage, asshole!"

"And I take care of the farm!"

CRASH!

"GET out!"*****

I wasn't sure why I was thinking back to fights between my parents. Namjoon had barely let out a few curse words and he sounded angry. It was nothing like my parents so what was triggering me?

I took a breath as I tried to calm myself. “I just want to leave so that way we don’t get caught.”

He let gave a big shrug. “So what if we do?”

Was he being serious? Did he want to get caught? “So what if we do?” It was my turn to repeat back his question.

Namjoon sat up. “So the staff finds out. So what? They won’t care. They won’t leak it out. As long as we stay on our floor, they’ll mind their business. You’re not the only girlfriend in the group. We’ve all been through this.”

“It’s different,” I insisted.

“How?” he challenged.

I thought for a moment, trying to remember the reason why it was important we keep our relationship a secret. I think I was still trying to wake up myself because my brain couldn’t gather up the answer.

“See?” he insisted. “You can’t even think of a reason.”

My noodle brain remembered a point. “We haven’t been together for that long. It’s been a couple of months. It’s too soon.”

His anger was not coming down. “It’s been almost 100 days. Aren’t we getting more serious by now?”

Shit, it was more than three months. When did that happen? I tried to scramble a response. “It’s still early on, Namjoon. We said we were going to take things slow.”

Heated anger flashed in his eyes. “That was weeks ago. You’re trying to stay in the same phase, but I’m wanting to take the next step. And it’s not even that big of a step. It’s simply the staff knowing we’re seeing each other. They. Do. Not. Care.”

I took a breath, not knowing how to answer. I felt a battle within me: one part wanted to fully give in to Namjoon, seeing how passionate he was about this which meant it mattered to him. And another part of me, there was fear. I could identify the emotion because I had felt it so many times, but I couldn’t pinpoint the root and reason for it.

Suddenly, I felt my heart rate pick up, and began to feel nauseous. The room around me spun as Namjoon's words kept repeating in my head. He was angry. He never sounded that way.... Flashes of my past swept through my vision. Old memories of not only my parents but my own toxic relationships. Memories of my ex trashing my place after accusing me of cheating. He had been a gentleman the first few months. Until around our 4-month anniversary when he began to yell and curse. Those yells and cursing quickly turned to breaking things...

What if Namjoon's yells grew as well?

God, I couldn't get any air in.

Namjoon’s gentle hands were immediately on me. “Breathe, baby.” His voice was low and steady.

One of his palms was on my chest, applying pressure. He modeled my breathing technique and I followed.

After a couple of minutes, I managed to settle down from my anxiety. “Sorry,” I said automatically.

Namjoon placed a finger on my chin, pushing it up so I could look at him. “No apologizing for that. I shouldn’t have come at you like that.” Taking a breath himself, he took a moment.

I kept myself quiet, seeing he was struggling with coming up with the words he wanted to form. I took that time to ensure I was fully settled and stayed calm.

Finally, he explained himself. “I got angry when you wanted to leave because it felt like I was some cheap booty call for you.” His eyes stayed on me, so I could see how bothered and sad he was. “Things got very heavy for us—heavier than any other time. You leaving me in the middle of the night after doing something that intimate and intense…. It feels cheap.”

My heart sank at hearing this. Immediate guilt and shame took over. He had not only mentioned something similar about this to me at the start of our relationship, but I knew Namjoon. He wasn’t a puritan by any means but he did have his morals when it came to sex. He tried the one-night stand thing and it wasn’t for him. He didn’t have to be in love with someone in order to sleep with her, but he definitely had to care about her to some extent. And the more intense the sexual act, the deeper he needed to feel about that individual.

I differed from him in my views on sex, but I respected his opinion…. Or at least, I used to respect his opinion. I had fucked up, yet again. I had hurt him and I felt disgusted with myself for doing so.

Taking his hands into mine, I decided to start my groveling. “I’m a bitch for not having considered that. I’m sorry. You are definitely not someone I think of as just a piece of meat. You’re a lot more than that, of course. I’m sorry for…hurting you.” The moment the word came out of my mouth, I felt my throat tighten as I was disgusted with myself.

There was still plenty of hurt in his eyes, but they had softened significantly. He reached over and brushed my cheek. It was at that moment, I realized I had been crying.

I wiped the other side of my face and felt it was very wet. I hadn’t realized how hurting him was physically affecting me. The tears just didn’t stop coming down.

Namjoon’s gentle hands helped me wipe them away. “It was something I felt in the moment. I don’t really feel that way. I know I’m more. But the question I have for you is…what exactly am I to you?”

I frowned, not understanding his question.

He further explained himself. “I know we’re exclusive. I know we’re a couple. But what else? What’s our progress? Because I’ll be honest with you, I want to move forward.”

I thought about it for a long moment, thinking of his question and what my answer was. The truth was that I couldn’t think of an answer. “I don’t know,” I said honestly.

There was a slight look of irritation that flashed across his face.

I spoke quickly, trying to keep him from misunderstanding me. “I haven’t thought about it because I’ve been happy where we’re at. Things are going well with us and I just don’t want to mess it up. Why ruin something that’s going so well?”

He took another deep breath. He was doing his best to remain calm. “I don’t want to remain stagnant. I’m not satisfied keeping you a secret from everyone. I’m with you in keeping it from the public for obvious reasons, but not our circle. I have to give up so much already and have to put on a façade in front of others. There are a few things I can have that will make me feel normal and sane. I want to feel like I’m not having to hide you in the few places at work where I feel safe to be myself.”

His words lingered in the air as I processed them. I completely understood him and found it fair for him to feel this way. Namjoon did give up so much, among them was his privacy. But his team did their best to try to make sure things were as normal for all of them as possible while at work. All he was asking for was to not pretend in front of them. Namjoon wasn’t into PDA really, so it’s not as if he would do more than hold my hand in parts of the building. Usually, it was Jimin and Jungkook who were handsy with whoever they were dating. Jin, Hoseok, and Taehyung were more subtle. But I had never seen Namjoon do more than hold a girlfriend’s hand in front of everyone.

It really didn’t seem like that big of a deal.

Namjoon was looking down at something on the bed, distracting himself as he allowed me to think. Not pressuring me to hurry.

“Ok,” I said as confidently as I could.

Namjoon’s head snapped up, his eyes searching mine. “Ok?”

“Ok, we can let the team know. And Sihyuk.” I knew the team knowing wasn’t going to be enough for Namjoon. He was going to want Sihyuk to know as well. And I think I was ok with that. I wasn’t thrilled, but it wasn’t the end of the world either.

The corners of his mouth perked up a bit. “Really?”

Seeing him hopeful and happy brushed away my worry. I felt his dimples becoming infectious and I found myself smiling back. “Yes.”

“You’re not just saying that?” He tried to control his excitement.

I shook my head. “I want to be with you,” I said with full conviction. "And if it's important to you for your team to know, then I'm ok with them knowing."

He leaned fully over and took my lips into his. "I don't want you to agree just to agree," he said genuinely.

"And I don't want to be without you," I said without thinking.

His hand caressed my face, his forehead leaning down onto mine. "I don't want to be without you either."

For a long time, we hugged each other. I clutched to him, fleeting moments of fear brushing through me. The thought of him breaking things between us because he was unsatisfied with our progression sent anxiety to my core.

It took a while for me to calm down. Namjoon slept soundly next to me, his arm wrapped warmly around me. I breathed in his scent and swam in his warmth. The anxiety I was feeling forgotten.

-------------

MASTERLIST

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

#rm fanfic #rm x maya #bts rm #bts smut #bts fanfic #idol!namjoon #idol!rm x idol!oc #idol!rm #inthemiddleofthenight #argument #miscommunication #childhood trauma #secret relationship #relationship troubles #Spotify

[norahsrants]

Relationship/Anxiety/OCD Rant

What's up buckaroos. I'm gonna be completely honest with y'all right now (the dust mites in the corner of my room watching me type this, I mean), I'm having some struggles within my relationship. Well, not exactly - it's more of me struggling with myself & my brain.

I'm diagnosed with anxiety and suspected (?) of OCD (it runs in my family, I maybe or maybe don't have it), and I'm a huge overthinker. I'm constantly thinking about the future and ESPECIALLY what's gonna happen in my relationship. When will we break up? Will we break up at all? What will cause the break up? Is he lying to me? Am I being paranoid?

Thoughts like this are perfectly natural & so, so many people have them on the daily, but a good thing to think about is, a huge majority of the time, something you're experiencing that's troubling you isn't forever. I won't give my specific age, but I'm in high school. I'm grateful to have a boyfriend who's as loving as mine is, however I'm being realistic and knowing that we most likely won't last. That doesn't mean I'm GIVING UP on the relationship, but I am setting a realistic expectation in my mind.

A lot of the time, I have to remind myself that things don't have to last. It's okay if things change - obviously it would upset me a lot if we broke up, but the world wouldn't end. When you set an unrealistic expectation for anything, you can stress yourself out so much more than is needed.

For example: you're a freshman in high school & you meet this awesome guy who asks you out. You say yes, you start dating, but you get super nervous about it. How will things end? Am I stuck in this? What does this mean? Sometimes, your brain automatically turns up the dial up to 100 (in this situation, marriage or parenthood) and sends you straight into panic mode.

Something that could also chime in are trauma responses, which relationship OCD/anxiety can be a result of, especially feeling trapped. If you experienced a relationship(s) of any kind that made you feel trapped and/or stuck where you are, committment can be a scary thing.

On the other hand of things, life in GENERAL isn't forever. We all die eventually (until they invent some immortality potion for rich people), so make sure you realize that things are YOUR decision. You don't have to stay in a relationship, even if it's not necessarily bad because your top priority should be you & your mental health. If a relationship is draining from how anxious it makes you, you don't have to force yourself to stay. Sometimes, it's okay to give up, move on, learn from it, run the fuck away.

It's your life. Focus in on the moment you're in right now and how you feel - not how they feel, you - and make sure you're okay. There are a ton of things around you that you have the control over and if they aren't positively impacting you, you don't have to force yourself to learn to enjoy it.

Listen to it's time to go by Taylor Swift & take a good nap (always sleep on a big decision, trust me).

If you made it, thank you so much for reading & I really hope this helped at all.

-Norah.

#norah'srants #rant #brainrot #relationship #relationshipocd #relationship ocd #relationship troubles