#Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lolabangtan · 2 years

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STAY | 15

Back at the dorms, Jungkook misses you madly. Hate, heartbreak, and longing mix in his heart. In public, though, he’s still cold and hurtful towards you – until he discovers who’s his new roommate.

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Word count: 9k

Warnings: smut, dub-con fantasy, attempted infidelity.

# angst, delirious masturbation (?), clumsy anal fingering, noona + mommy kink, Jungkook is kind of messed up in this one (but who’s to blame for that except me lol), scent kink, cum play, crying, awkward hyung-junior bonding!!

A/N: thanks to Generic Club Girl 1 for starring in this chapter.

“I will issue a restraining order if you keep doing this.”

It’s too early in the morning to put up with Kim Seokjin and his antics. You haven’t even finished your first coffee and here he is, standing in front of your door like a moron. Or a creep.

“Come on,” he says, still adamant, “I’ll give you a ride. Or maybe it’s better if your boyfriend doesn’t see us together?”

His words fuel you, and you frown; why should you refrain from seeing anyone? It’s his problem if Jungkook prefers to be petty and not talk to you. In fact, it’s on him if he’s got a problem with you talking to any guy at all. Especially when he’s not willing to talk things out with you.

You groan and go back in to collect your things. “Ugh, okay, let’s go. I’m late anyways, and I don’t have my car yet.” Keys swinging around your finger, you finally beckon Seokjin to follow you down the stairs. “How have you been doing these days since you came back? Do you already have a place to stay?”

“Yeah, I’m moving into the dorms. Namjoon is great and all, but… I don’t wanna feel like I’m taking up space in their tiny flat.”

You roll your eyes. “He’d never think that.”

Like the gentleman he is, he opens the car door for you, and despite your grimace, you get in.

“It won’t be long, just until I find a proper flat that doesn’t stink,” he says, taking the driver’s seat, and smirks. “I think it’ll be fun in the meantime.”

“I’m already sorry for the poor freshman who’ll have to put up with you.”

“Speaking of freshmen…” You close your eyes and throw back your head, already tired of his unfinished question. “You have a class with him today, don’t you? You’ll see him for the first time since last week.”

Ah, it’s been a week already? Felt like a year… Seven days since you last talked to Jungkook, seven days since that awful phone call in which you were called out for doing something you don’t know yet. They never told you. Seven days without seeing him, without hearing his voice, without feeling his warm skin or making him smile. The thought alone makes your heart throb in pain inside your chest.

If only you were not so mad at him to miss him – then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.

“You’ll work it out, you just need to talk things through with him,” Seokjin suddenly says, snapping you out of your thoughts.

But you’d have to get near him in the first place to do that.

And you have yet to figure out how Seokjin might fit into your life, or, for now, whether it is in your best interest to even let him in in the first place. Even though things have been patched up, you still feel a simmering resentment for him inside you; he can’t just show up and ask you to forget about the pain he made you go through in the name of friendship.

“You look different.”

His voice makes you turn your head away from the window. “Hm? I didn’t do anything, though.”

“Not physically, uh…” Seokjin purses his lips. “You feel different. Like, older, in a way – but I guess that’s what happens when time passes.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” you chuckle, frowning in confusion.

But Seokjin’s eyes look softer as they stay glued to the road. For a second you get it – he feels different too, older. Time passes for everyone, even if you are the only one who seems unable to grow out of your shelf of youth. Unable to mature and break through its naivety. Unable to do like everyone else and turn your pain into wisdom instead of letting it turn into resentment.

“You really think so?” you murmur with a hopeful rise in your voice. “Lately I feel like a tall child, crying and fussing about everything.”

He glances at you. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“You must know very few people.”

“Maybe.”

“When did you know it was time to break up with her?” you suddenly ask, leaning back in the seat.

“Uh… It’s a gut feeling? Like, you start seeing signs that you’ve grown apart. I realised I didn’t care anymore, not in the way I should care about my girlfriend, anyways,” Seokjin explains while you stare at him.

His words make you ponder; you don’t feel yourself growing apart from Jungkook, if anything, you feel closer than ever. He’s just going through something, and you’ve probably hurt his feelings. This is all a misunderstanding, that’s it. You care about him in ways you never thought you’d care about anyone – you would live inside his brain and under his skin if you could.

The car pulls into the pavilion’s car park with a swift turn, and you collect your backpack from your feet.

“Just ignore everything I said earlier, you’re not old,” Seokjin jokes, closing the car door. “It’s just that I’ve had a lot on my mind lately too; we old people think a lot.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You shrug it off and say goodbye before he can even blink, not wanting anyone to see you together. Not that it’s a bad thing, but you’d rather avoid giving people something to nibble on. They have an imagination strong enough to come up with unsubstantiated gossip, they don’t need that kind of help.

The halls are as busy as always, lousy Mondays; people running up and down, beams of sunlight coming from the tall windows. It’s first thing in the morning and everyone wants to talk about their weekend.

Except you, maybe – you did absolutely nothing besides binge-watching a show and ignoring Seokjin’s texts.

Okay, here we go.

The words resonate in your head as you mentally prepare yourself to face the recently begun day when someone goes down the stairs behind you. They bump your shoulder on their way down, and you realise in shock that it’s Jungkook; Ari and Jimin are with him, and the former nudges him on the side at his rude gesture towards you. The pitiful look on her face is enough to make you want to throw up and bawl your eyes out.

Maybe this is your chance? Maybe he was trying to catch your attention somehow?

You follow him down the step. “Hey, Jungkook—”

“Let’s just sit there,” he mumbles, not even looking at you, and turns to Ari. “Noona, can you make room for me?”

With a sigh, your friend nods and scoots to the seat on her left so that Jungkook can squeeze in between them. Now the row is full, and there are pretty much no seats left except those in the front row.

At the sight, Soobin rushes to abandon his friends and sits down right in front of the professor’s desk. Jungkook watches the whole thing in silence.

“You never sit at the front,” he says when you take the chair next to him.

Does he think you’re blind—?

Oh, but you’re too tired to fight, so you nod in silence. “I guess I was feeling proactive today.” You suddenly close the book in front of you and turn to him. “So, what’s up? Neither do you.”

“I didn’t want you to sit alone… Everything cool with your boyfriend?” he asks, careful – enough to let you know that there is some gossip going around. “He looks mad pissed. Did you fight—? Sorry, it’s probably none of my business.”

“We didn’t fight,” you reply, “I just want to focus, hence my sitting here. Cool?”

“Cool…”

The class starts shortly afterwards and goes on smoothly. You manage to take notes without letting Soobin distract you too much with his chatter, though the feeling of Jungkook’s gaze burning into the back of your head is far more noticeable than anything else. You don’t know if he enjoyed your little show with Soobin, but you’re pretty sure the kid’s in need of some tough love to learn about boundaries.

When it’s time for lunch, the professor dismisses his class, and everyone leaves the classroom either chatting or with their eyes glued to their mobile phones. You collect your things before Soobin does anything and flee up the steps.

“It was kind of sad, seeing you sitting all alone.” You turn around at the sound of Jungkook’s voice. You roll your eyes by instinct. “Guess you had it coming.”

You scan him head to toe; whatever the reason for the sudden attitude, this pseudo-bad guy thing doesn’t suit him at all. It’s almost embarrassing to watch, honestly, and you want your Jungkook back. Unfortunately, this Jungkook here doesn’t seem really willing to talk things out.

And, unfortunately, you’ve built back up your walls pretty easily, even with him.

“And what did you want me to do instead? Crawl back to the friends that lied to my face because I had no one else to talk to?”

The arrogance disappears from his face and is soon replaced by a slight blush of embarrassment. With a snort, you step forward to take his arm, but Jungkook frowns in pain and shakes off your weak grip.

“Don’t touch me,” he whimpers.

He looks so handsome today, you notice as your eyes are unable to move away from his face; he looks so precious, and you miss him so much. Your heart shrinks in your chest, but you can’t stop looking at him. Your eyes are hungry for him, willing to nourish all the yearning your hands and lips can’t satisfy.

“B— Jungkook,” you groan, his name nothing but a plea, “what is wrong with you? Can you just tell me what’s going on?”

Your words only seem to fuel his irritation. “You know what you did. Don’t come to me until you are ready to answer for it— hyung, noona, let’s go, I’m hungry.”

If looks could kill, Ari’s would certainly do nothing. She’s the last one to turn around and follow Jungkook out of the lecture hall, her eyes lingering with sadness on your face. Maybe she knows something, maybe she feels that there’s something off about this conflict he’s made up. Ari knows you better than anyone in this world, after all – only after Jungkook… or not.

“Jungkook, you haven’t touched your food.”

Yeah, he knows. He knows he’s been staring at the tray ever since they got sat at the table. Jimin had proposed to eat out, but he didn’t want to go anywhere he’s ever been with you before— and even if it’s not like you’ve never been together in the university cafeteria, it hasn’t happened many times. Works for him.

Jungkook plays with the slices of pork, still silent and ignoring Taehyung’s voice, his dull face resting on the open palm of his hand.

“Hey, we can’t take three hours for lunch,” Ari suddenly barks. “Sort it out with your girlfriend or eat.”

He lowers his head. “Noona is not my girlfriend anymore.”

“She actually is,” Taehyung mutters; “you haven’t broken up yet, have you?”

The air feels awkward and silent, a cloud of tiredness heavy on their shoulders. Suddenly, the clinking sound of cutlery dropping on the tray gets their attention.

Jungkook groans loudly and shoves a spoonful of plain rice into his mouth in anger. “Uh, you’re supposed to be on my side, you know?” he then garbles with his mouth full, provoking grossed-out grimaces.

“Uh, we never took your side?” Jimin lets out a confused laugh and crosses his arms. “Never took hers, either. Friends don’t take sides.”

“Then why are you here?”

They share a look before Ari says, “Well, Y/N won’t talk to us, and it’s obvious you’re not okay.”

“So—” Jungkook straightens up in the chair out of pure shock. “You think what she did was right? Is noona the one giving you the cold shoulder? I’m—! Oh God, she was— this is so awful of you, guys.”

“Sorry, can you tune me in? I don’t see what the problem is now,” Jimin groans, his – and everyone’s – tray already empty. They seem no longer phased by the youngest’s fuss.

Ari frowns, totally baffled, and blurts out, “When did we say Y/N did nothing wrong—? Look, Kookie, I think you need to take the rest of the day off, you’re not okay…” Her boyfriend glances at her as if she was talking to a kid. “Take a nap, drink water, meditate, I don’t know… I know it seems like the end of the world, but you just have to, uh, process your feelings, okay?”

He hasn’t cried since the very day it happened. That night, he bawled his eyes out on their couch, weeping and calling for you as he curled up against Jimin. Jungkook can still remember the way his eyes burned the next morning.

Just picturing you with him makes him want to throw up.

With a dry goodbye, Jungkook gets up and decides to follow his friend’s advice. Soon, he ends up in front of the door of his dorm room; he moved in a few days after falling out with you. The dorm supervisor had called a month or so ago saying that he was accepted back in, under the obvious condition of not getting into a fight with anyone – Soobin or not – ever again. Of course, the choice between staying with you and sharing a filthy room with a stranger was clear.

Now it isn’t. At least, for the moment, Jungkook is alone in the room until further notice.

The room is dark when he walks in, closing the door carefully – Jungkook can’t risk the supervisor, who already has enough of a grudge against him, deciding to throw him out. This time he will have nowhere to go.

It’s not until he turns on the light and draws the curtains that he notices the half-empty box on the other bed. Does this mean that his days of sleeping alone are over? Jungkook isn’t sure if he has the patience to share a room, but it all depends on what kind of roommate he’ll get. Oh, he’s bad at socialising. Nothing makes him more uncomfortable.

Curiosity gets the best of him, and Jungkook ends up walking up to the neatly made bed; there are some records, books, and figurines peeking out of the box. He can recognise a few.

Maybe having a new roommate won’t be that bad.

Now that he thinks of it, he left so much stuff behind after moving back into the dorms. Everything should still be in his room, or well, in the room you used to share. You’re not the crazy kind of ex who burns things— are you?

Ex.

“Fuck.”

It won’t do him any good to keep thinking about you. For the time being, Jungkook should better focus on the club and get through the rest of the year. His parents won’t stop asking him about his freshman year at uni, so he needs good things to say. Especially if they start asking about the nice girl they met at the swimming tournament.

Jungkook wishes he could take the bus instead of his car, but he can’t bring his things back on the bus – being spotted is the last thing he wants because he knows any of your neighbours will start asking questions. ‘Oh, Y/N, where is that handsome boy?’ ‘Did you two fall out? What a pity!’ ‘Ah, so you dumped him. He wasn’t that handsome anyways.’ They will ask you, and you will say that you dumped him for an older guy who probably has all his shit together and can last more than five minutes.

He pulls into the car park after a short ride. Just like he predicted, the lot is empty, so your shiny new boyfriend hasn’t picked you up from work yet.

Sadly, the anger has started to fade into sadness. It gets harder every day not to miss you, not to wonder if there’s anything he could have done to keep you by his side. Should he have listened to you more? Should he have pleased you better, should he have tried harder to become a boyfriend you would not be ashamed of? Or did Jungkook never have a real chance to be with you?

The flat welcomes him with complete silence when he walks in.

After mindlessly standing in the middle of the hall for a solid minute, he finally begins to discern all the sounds he has become familiar with – the soft rumble of traffic, the muffled horns, and the chirping birds. The neighbour’s television can be heard through the wall.

How could Jungkook let himself get attached so foolishly to a place? Why did he allow his heart to feel at peace here?

If only he could go back in time and keep all his hatred inside. Letting go of it, letting it turn into wise, healing love was a mistake. Now all he has is the choking feeling that he’s missing half his heart.

Shaking his head, he realises he doesn’t really have much time to play around, so he goes to his room and unfolds the boxes. The only things he has left to take are useless decorations or outerwear that he won’t need until winter, but it’s best to get it done now. And, as he imagined, it doesn’t take more than fifteen minutes to empty his drawers.

He can’t find his black boots, though. And he loves those boots.

They can only be in your room. Yes, he remembers taking them out to clean them, as summer is coming to an end, so he would most likely have put them back in your wardrobe.

After rummaging around the room, Jungkook finally finds the pair of boots under your bed. He sits on the mattress, staring at them. Suddenly he feels exhausted – as if his body lacks strength; it’s been a week since he last slept in this bed, that morning when he woke up next to you.

That morning when everything still had meaning, when you were still with him.

Just gonna close my eyes for a second, Jungkook tells himself as he lies down on the bed. The blankets hug him, almost as if reprimanding him for staying away for so long. Like a mother’s nagging. The accidental thought that he deserves to be nagged crosses his mind— because he does; he deserves to be scolded for leaving you without talking things through first. Won’t you come back to him and scold him? So that he can say sorry and return to you.

He’s so mad at you but fuck he misses you.

Closing his eyes was a big mistake. Now all Jungkook can do is picture your body on top of his body, your skin soft and warm against his skin, your lips peppering tender kisses from his lips down to his throat and chest.

It piques his craving for your presence first, a physical need to be with you. You soothe him, make him happy.

But then the feeling begins to mix with something else, something that cries for your presence in a primal way. A connection so deep it can only be achieved when his body is inside yours. The urge to kiss you gets so strong that Jungkook’s breath hitches, and he has to clear his throat to avoid letting out a moan of utter want.

He would literally die, kill, rob, kidnap, hijack a goddamn plane to have you next to him right now.

The skin on his chest feels sensitive. With the images of your face and body plaguing his head, there is a knot inside him that engorges and throbs. In a way, he’s digging his own grave.

Surely Jungkook can’t be that insane, right?

Oh, but he is. He’s crazy with want and loneliness and he misses you madly. So bad that, without a second thought, his hand goes south to cup the already half-hard tent in his pants, whimpering at the feeling.

Jungkook pictures it’s your hand rubbing the engorged head of his cock through the fabric.

But this is not enough. Hastily, the boy unbuckles his belt and pulls down his trousers, with his underwear following the same fate not long after. His erect cock bounces against his belly, and Jungkook brings his hand to his lips to spit on it while he turns around to lie face down. He’s down the rabbit hole already, so—

“A-ah,” he lets out, taken by surprise when his hand starts squeezing the glistening tip. Is this your ghost truly guiding him? “Oh, fuck…”

The memory of your hands strokes down his chest, peppering kisses. Your voice is murmuring sweet nothings, words of praise because you’d always appreciate it when he was a good boy. If his teasing and misbehaviour ignited you, his compliance would always bring out your sweetness.

Such a good boy, it says. Jungkook’s fist starts pumping faster. My baby bun.

You draw your finger down his spine, to his buttocks, until it reaches his perineum, making him chuckle nervously. “Noona,” Jungkook breathes out, “w-where are you touching?”

Let mommy have her way, will you, baby?

“But I— I’ve never been touched d-down there,” he whispers to himself, burying his face in the pillow.

Won’t you let me touch your pretty virgin hole, Kookie? It’ll feel good, I promise. Bet it’s so tight. Just get me the lube, spread your legs, and stop whining. It might hurt at first, but you’ll like it.

Your harsh tone kind of upsets him, but he figures out that you must want him so badly that you can’t help but sound demanding. That’s just the way you love him.

Jungkook doesn’t really have much idea of what he’s doing, he just knows what Jimin and Taehyung have decided to share with him about anal sex throughout their friendship. Lube it up first, as much as you can— and so he does, spurting lots of the slippery substance onto his digits before he plays with his puckered rim.

His arm starts hurting, so he turns over on the bed. Way better, he notes; now he can spread his legs, even press them against his chest. Open wide for you, so pretty, you’d love it.

His spit-coated finger strikes again, and Jungkook brings the blankets to his nose. It soothes him, your scent. In this little space, you’re still with him, you still want him. That is your thumb playing around his thighs, those are your lips smirking down at him.

The blankets, at least, still smell like you.

Jungkook’s other hand wraps around his cock again, pumping it fast to help him relax. In his mind, it’s your, jerking him off with a smirk on your face. Oh, you love watching him fall apart. You would scoot in between his parted legs and slide his cock into your mouth, bobbing your head until he starts sobbing in pleasure.

“S-shit.”

His fisted hand picks up a faster pace as it jerks his cock off with its focus on the tip.

Meanwhile, his other finger has stopped teasing his entrance and has begun to probe. The lube makes it easier while the stimulation coming from his cock has shoved him into a relaxed mental state.

“Oh—” And it finally slides in. The feeling is odd but nice – like he’s stuffed. Jungkook starts jerking off even faster, the sounds echoing through the room. “Oh, fuck, mommy! Shit—”

Knew you would love it, bunny.

He lets out a muffled moan. “Yes, yes— l-love it so much.”

Your tongue playing with his slit, your gentle finger slowly starting to work him open – Jungkook feels about to burst out in flames. His ears feel so hot, he’s positive his blood is boiling right now. The memory of your touch is easily the second-best thing in the world.

His fist messily pumps his cock as Jungkook brings the blanket to his nose. The soft scent, utterly yours, invades his nostrils and intoxicates him to the point of making him salivate.

He wants your pussy on his face to make you come until you think he’s the best you’ve ever had.

Your pretty, dripping wet pussy. Shit, having your cunt on his tongue brings him peace. Flicking your clit with his pointed tongue to bring out those sweet words of how good he makes you feel, what a good boy he is. That he’s enough. Nothing in this ugly world compares to being inside of you, he was made to make love with you – it’s his fate and home.

“M-mommy,” he calls out, eyes shut tight and eyebrows knitted together, “slow, please—” But his hands begin moving faster until his finger finds an engorged spot inside of him. “Fuck! Oh, f-fucking Christ!” Jungkook can’t stop rubbing it; it sends shivers from his core up to his very fingertips while his cock grows harder in his other hand. “Y/N! Please, please, please—! Shit, mommy, b-bunny— come, bunny come!”

Your lips feel real against his ear shell. Yeah? Does bunny want to come while mommy fucks his tight ass? Jungkook nods. What a slut.

His back arches off the bed. “Fuck! Fuck, fuck!”

Legs now spread open, Jungkook sobs in pleasure, overwhelmed. There are so many sensitive spots being ravaged right now, and there you are, hovering above him, smirking since you know fucking everything. A surprisingly sweet, gentle sparkle behind your pupils.

I love you, Jungkook.

That’s it, that’s his tipping point. In a second, his hips go from thrusting into his fist to bucking, and soon he’s coming all over his hand, his walls pulsing around his other finger.

“I—” Jungkook coughs. “S-shit, Y/N, I— I love you too,” he whimpers.

As he comes down from his high, the room suddenly feels empty and quiet. You’re not here, he remembers. The heat in his cheeks feels embarrassing, he’s just that pathetic. Then he looks down at his cum-covered palm.

You’re not here, and you won’t come back. Even if Jungkook threw his pride and self-worth out the window and crawled back to you, you won’t take him. You don’t need him. You don’t want him.

The first tear falls down his cheek, leaving a salty trail in contrast to his burning skin. His breath hitches in his throat, and soon Jungkook has to cover his mouth not to let any of his sobs out. Why did he ever decide to just accept it without trying to fight for you? Is that why you are so cold towards him? Because he was a compliant coward?

Maybe.

After cleaning himself and finishing sealing the boxes, Jungkook hurries out of the flat.

He’ll forget the tears of shame, he’ll forget how much he wants and misses you, he’ll forget that he’s in love, he’ll forget all about you. This was the last straw, perhaps; a moment of closure before he can wipe the slate clean.

Jungkook slams the boot of his car shut and slumps into the driver’s seat with a tired groan. When he starts the car, the radio comes on by surprise. Any noise mixes with the beeping in his head, so he hurries to turn it off before his headache worsens and sets off back to the university.

The corridors of the men’s dormitory are filled with students walking around in their underwear, passing a ball around, shouting – for some reason – or with their eyes glued to their phones. Jungkook makes his way through them as he catches a glimpse of Soobin’s face and other teammates in the crowd, but he chooses to ignore them, although he does wonder what their weird faces were all about.

After putting down a couple of boxes to turn the handle, Jungkook squats down to pick them up again and walks into his room with his back turned, pushing the door open with his ass.

“Shit, so it’s true.”

The voice sounds familiar, but not too much. So, he turns around, dropping the boxes on his bed, just to face the sight of fucking Kim Seokjin standing like an idiot in front of him. His entire body freezes, or it bursts out in flames, or maybe it gets struck by lightning— whatever. Jungkook just stands there, staring at him in complete silence.

“I thought those guys in the team were kidding,” Seokjin finally says. “Or at least I hoped so—”

“What are you doing in my room?” he cuts him off.

Oh, so this is what you meant when you said your boyfriend lived on another planet; it’s obvious this is his new room, knowing that he’s been bringing in his stuff the entire morning. The reason Jungkook is asking nonetheless, well, that’s a mystery to him.

Seokjin lets out an awkward chuckle. “I, uh… I was assigned this room.”

“No.”

“Don’t worry,” the eldest says with a sigh, “it won’t be for long. I’m looking for a place already. This was just a favour from the supervisor.”

Motherfucker.

“Yeah, and there was no other room to put your ass in except this one, right?” Before Seokjin can even reply, Jungkook turns around in disbelief, hands on his hips. “He totally did this to get on my nerves.”

“Man, I… I have no idea. Just asked him for the favour.”

Wait, why is he having a conversation with the asshole who stole his girlfriend? And now he’s also his roommate. The universe hates him.

Jungkook rolls his eyes and turns around to start unpacking the boxes; maybe if he ignores him, it won’t be a deadly situation. Yeah, that’s it, Jungkook just has to pretend Kim Seokjin isn’t here, or even that he doesn’t exist at all, and he will get some of his peace back.

When he bends down to charge his phone, he notices that it’s busy charging another one already. The device makes a bubbling noise when unplugged, drawing his roommate’s attention as he recognises the sound.

Stifling a curse and making a grimace of realisation, Seokjin turns around with a smile. “Ah, yeah, I plugged your charger into my phone, I hope you don’t—”

“Well— don’t!” Jungkook unplugs the charger abruptly, the phone still in his grip. “You can’t just… go around taking my things, okay! God damn it, is there anything you’ll let me keep? Like a fucking robber…”

However, the device starts to ring, and a very familiar name shows up on the screen.

Y/N, incoming call.

Jungkook goes suddenly quiet, his shoulders now listless as he hands him back the phone. For a second, Seokjin forgets all about how nuts the guy actually is and gets a slight feeling of pity and remorse before taking the call and putting the screen on his ear.

“Hello—? Ah, yeah— sorry, didn’t see the time. Hm, yes, I’m on my way.”

Ah, yes, your Prince Charming is late to pick you up. The realisation makes him chuckle at first, but it soon turns bitter.

You truly have stopped caring for him.

The mere idea that he no longer has a place in your heart is terrifying. It’s unfair that this had to happen for Jungkook to figure out the actual depth of his feelings because now that he wants to, he… can’t do anything about it. But even if he could, could his pride ever allow him to? Crawling back to the woman who dumped him like he’s worthless.

Jungkook prefers to think it wouldn’t.

The three of them look at each other in a newly established silence. More and more often their reactions to everything their young friend says cannot be otherwise.

“I mean, you know I never say no to getting wasted at a club,” Jimin finally says, frowning, “but are you sure that’s what you want? Wouldn’t you prefer, uh, I don’t know… staying over for a movie night, maybe?”

But Jungkook only scoffs. “What, like I’m a kid? I wanna party!”

“All right, all right! Jesus…” Jimin gets up to fill his cup with water and comes back, hoping his friend has calmed down. This attitude of his is starting to get on his nerves. “Okay, let’s go out tonight, then… How about you two sleep over so we can just grab a cab? You’re always the designated driver, Tae.”

“That’s not the point!” Jungkook suddenly blurts out. “I wanna— I wanna, like, not sleep at all. A-and I’ll get fucking wasted, and I— I’ll fuck! I’ll meet a hot chick and I’ll fuck her!” he cries out then.

Jimin and Taehyung share a look.

“Do you really think you’re ready to hook up with anyone that’s not Y/N?” the latter says, playing with his drink as he feigns disinterest. “There’s no point in messing around with a girl just to—”

“I don’t need her, I don’t want her! She’s a-a bitch!” Jungkook cuts him off.

Then he gets up and goes to open the fridge, looking for another beer. Taehyung rubs his eyes; this sounds like a night to remember, that’s for sure. And if it’s not, he’s pretty sure Jungkook will make sure no one forgets about it.

A couple of hours later, they’re getting out of the cab and walking toward the club.

Yes, he has everything under control, this is not something he’s never done before: he will get drunk and make eye contact, and then everything will go on fluidly, like always. It doesn’t have to be any different from what he used to do before he fell for you. Yeah, it won’t probably be the same; he won’t tremble in expectation the way he’d do when it was you, and their touches won’t feel like your soft hands roaming down his back. It won’t be your lips kissing him, or your voice praising him because, honestly, he just wants to be good for you.

He knows all that already.

“Everything okay, Kookie?” Jungkook snaps out of his thoughts. Suddenly, he’s standing in the line at the club’s entrance, and Taehyung stands next to him. “Don’t worry, Jimin just went off to talk to the bouncer. We’ll get in any second now.”

They had a few drinks before coming. The alcohol is bubbling in his blood like soda, he feels dizzy. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea – oh, he’s regretting it now. So, so much.

His friend stares at him. “You look pale.”

“It’s just the lighting,” Jungkook rushes to say, shrugging.

“Whatever.”

And Taehyung turns around.

Jimin comes back barely a few minutes later, holding a drink and waving at them on his way. With a cheerful call, he collects them and leads them to the entrance, where the bouncer nods and steps back to let them in.

“Good thing your dad knows the owner!” Jungkook exclaims as they walk into the club, but his voice is muffled by the loud music.

He was saying it to cheer himself up, so it doesn’t really matter.

They approach the bar, first things first. As soon as they each have a drink in their hand, they will go around looking for some fun or, at least, better music to dance to. Maybe the floors underground will satisfy them, or perhaps the roof terrace where the cocktails are better.

It was weird at first, hanging out with rich people. Jungkook was expecting to spend his freshman nights out at shabby clubs – which he’s had his fair share of, to be honest – but was surprised with fancy premises and colourful drinks. You’d always complain about what he had never had the courage, saying that you felt out of place surrounded by snobby folks.

The way his head spins as the crowd engulfs him makes him realise that, perhaps, he’s had a few more drinks at Jimin’s place than he had initially planned.

“God, I wanna dance, but the music is so… ugh.” Jimin comes back to him and rests his back against the column. “Don’t you agree with me, Kookie? Can we go somewhere else?”

“What!”

Jimin rolls his eyes and yells, “I said, can we go somewhere else?”

“Where’s Tae?” he asks.

“Necking someone, I guess. Come on, let’s move! Everyone is, like, in their thirties or balding here.”

“Already…?”

The roof terrace is their next destination. There are more people on the dance floor, swinging their hips and singing along to the music. They’re younger too, Jimin notices. At least he doesn’t feel like he died and went to hell.

“Hey, hyung, I—” Jungkook turns around as soon as he has received the drink from the barman only to suddenly find himself alone in the middle of the club. Jimin’s red outfit slowly vanishes into the dance floor crowd. After that, well, he’s completely alone. “Fuck, they always do this to me, shit.”

With a sigh of resignation, Jungkook takes the first sip of his edulcorated drink.

He’s dully checking out the rooftop when a bunch of girls catches his attention; they’re eying him, giggling and harping each other with the shoulder.

Jungkook watches how one of them eventually walks up to him with a shiny smile. She flaunts her shoulders as she approaches, quite charmingly. By the time the girl gets there, Jungkook is already sweating with anxiety; no, this was not a good idea at all. He’s regretting it already.

“Hey!” she exclaims, trying to get herself through the loud music blasting in their ears. “Saw your friend leaving! Poor thing.”

The conversation doesn't last long – a ‘hello, do you study or work, where do you study, have you come with more friends, my girlfriends are single too, what are you drinking’ – until the girl, whose name Jungkook didn’t quite catch on because of the loud music, proposes to move it to a quieter place. He follows her, not quite sure what’s going on anymore.

They spot a bench on the other side of the roof terrace, where the music is muffled, and the air is cooler.

She takes a sit. “Yeah, this is way better, thank you. Anyways, so, Jungkook… I guess you don’t have a girlfriend, right?” the girl jokes with a giggle.

Jungkook stares at her in silence first. For a few long, awkward seconds. His eyes seem to blank, it looks like nothing crosses his mind, and the words can’t come out of his mouth. A second later, though, the first sob breaks through his chest.

“Oh, shit, I—”

At the bewildered look of the poor girl, who inwardly can’t stop cursing her bad luck in her choice of potential flings, he begins to cry with his face buried in his hands. She pats his back with a grimace as Jungkook leans forward on the bench, trying to comfort him. After a few more broken sobs, he finally manages to sit up again.

“She… fuck.” Jungkook wipes his tears with the back of his hand. “She cheated on me with her ex.”

“Damn— I mean, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Never mind.”

The girl picks up her glass from the floor and takes a long sip with a blank stare. Honestly, all her friends are in the most obnoxious mood tonight. She had hoped that a date for the evening would keep her entertained, or at least take her away from the boring conversation of her friends, talking about the same thing all the time. She was wrong. The least this Jungkook guy can do is to thoroughly take her through all the drama, and she will pretend she cares enough to give him her advice.

She glances at him as naturally as she can manage. “You can tell me if you want. It’ll do you good to get it off your chest.”

With a dramatic head turn, Jungkook doesn’t play hard to get and starts telling her everything; from how you met, all the way through the bet, and finally, the evening he found you in the room with Kim Seokjin.

“Talk things out with her!” she blurts out, making him flinch. “God, I can’t believe you just ran away without making sure it wasn’t a misunderstanding. And, of course, her ex was there to comfort her, Jesus. I’m pretty sure you fucked things up yourself—”

“There wasn’t much chance of misunderstanding—”

The girl rolls her eyes and gulps down her drink. “You men can be so stupid, really.”

“Hey!” Jungkook whines.

“What?”

“You…!” Jungkook frowns at her, pressing his lips together. There are still tears drying up on his cheeks, and his eyes sting with the threat of more of them. “You don’t know anything! You have no fucking idea!”

“Well, dude, I can see why she dumped you.” The girl finally gets up and walks away, but he only glances at her when she grunts, “Fucking asshole…”

Jungkook sits on the bench like a pathetic loser until the next time he raises his arm to drink he realises that his glass is empty. Since Jimin and Taehyung aren’t here to get him another one, and a drink in a place like this would cost half his allowance, he decides to get up and walk back to the dorms. First, of course, he writes a message saying goodbye in case, by chance, at some point in the night, either of them realises that he’s not there.

“Shit, shit, shit…”

You race down the stairs to the ground floor, backpack tightly hugged between your arms so that it doesn’t fly away. Your throat is dry, your chest is burning, and the back of your neck is covered with sweat from the effort, but you will make it; you will not be late.

Just as the clock strikes two minutes to twelve, you skid in front of the plastic door.

As you try to get in, however, someone pushes the door against you, and you have to step back for the safety of your face.

“Ah, Y/N, sorry!” one of the students says. “Didn’t see you there.”

“No biggie… Why is everybody leaving?”

Another girl, Nayeon, shrugs. “Doctor Lee has come down with something, so there’s no class today. We’re going to the cafeteria to grab a bite, wanna come with us?”

“Sure.”

As you walk down the hall, Nayeon gets closer to your side, making you raise your eyebrows. She just smiles and waits until the rest of the group is engrossed in a new conversation before finally talking:

“So, did you hear the rumours?” she whispers.

You shake your head. “Uh, no.”

“Do you want me to tell you?” Nayeon looks conflicted all of a sudden. “It may upset you.”

“Is this about Jungkook?”

“Yeah.”

Knew it.

With a snort, you stand in the middle of the corridor as the others, unaware, walk away. “Okay, let’s hear it. What did he do this time?”

“Apparently, Tae, Jimin, and Jungkook went out the other day, and he hooked up with a girl,” Nayeon says quietly, watching how your face loses all colour. “So, I guess it makes you guys, uh… officially unofficial? I always hoped it was just a rough patch and that you would get back together, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you murmur and keep going to catch up.

Don’t cry, don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry. Not in front of everyone, not now that you’re finally aware of the way their curious eyes fix on you.

Whatever is going on with Jungkook, it seems like he’s set his mind on it. From now on, it’s not just a crisis or a ‘rough patch’, you’re officially broken. It’s just crazy that you still don’t know what horrible deed you’ve done to make up his mind.

You pick up the tray and go to take a seat next to Nayeon. Like a swift shadow, Soobin appears out of nowhere and sits on your other side. You can’t help letting out a tired sigh.

“How are you, noona?”

“Hungry,” you simply respond, bringing the chopsticks to your lips.

Soobin laughs. “Want some of mine, then? We could share.” Without waiting for your answer, he rushes to put some of his sliced pork on your tray. “There, you can take as much as you want—”

“Listen, Soobin…”

The boy stops right away at your serious tone and stares into your firm eyes with a gulp, expectant.

“Yeah?”

Today, tired and heartbroken, you don’t have the patience to put up with the boy and his shenanigans. Maybe you should have had this conversation a long, long time ago, but only now do you realise it. You’re not angry at him or irritated, just worn out.

“You’re a good guy, and I know what you’re trying to do when you do stuff like this,” you continue, this time more gently as you lean into him. “But… I’m not interested, okay?” His eyes darken all of a sudden, and your heart shrinks in pity. “You’re out of line most of the time. And whether I’m dating someone or not doesn’t change that, all right?”

“Even when he slept with someone else?”

You raise your head, eyes wide open totally astounded. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t you want revenge? He already hates me,” Soobin explains. “But only if you and Jin-hyung are not serious, of course… Or am I out of line now too?”

“So far away from it you can’t even see it, so it seems,” you reply with an unbelieving laugh, already getting up.

You stare at Soobin for a second before you walk away; he looks certain and confident about the conversation. Maybe because he still believes he ever had a chance, but there’s something else, something about him that you can’t quite get yet. Does he, though? Does he not?

With a sigh, you take out your phone.

[Monday, 12:42 AM] You: We need to talk.

[Monday, 12:42 AM] You: Where are you? Are you on campus?

[Monday, 12:45 AM] ✨Park Jimin✨: Just about to leave class, why? What happened?

[Monday, 12:49 AM] You: I think it’s time we talk things out.

[Monday, 12:49 AM] You: Also, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be completely honest.

[Monday, 12:50 AM] You: Could you do that for me?

A group of students pass by you, and among them you see Jungkook. He seems to be doing very well, you’ve never seen him make new friends before. Maybe the idea you had of him was quite wrong; maybe Soobin was right all along. Be that as it may, you first want to make sure that the rumours are true. Not just because you find it odd, but because something inside you refuses to believe it.

[Monday, 12:56 AM] ✨Park Jimin✨: Sure, see you in ten minutes in Kang’s lecture hall, after everyone has left.

[Monday, 12:58 AM] ✨Park Jimin✨: It’s good to talk to you again :)

You don’t reply to his last texts. Instead, you walk down the corridor and go upstairs to wait by the door. There’s ruckus coming from the other side already, so your guess is that everyone is already collecting their things to leave.

Jimin, who is still standing on the treads, bows to his professor as the old man walks out, and you greet him with a polite nod of your head.

“Hey.”

You leave your backpack on the desk behind him. “Hey.”

“Good to see you,” he murmurs, looking up at you before you sit down. “How’s it going?”

“Did Jungkook really sleep with another girl?”

For some reason, Jimin did not expect any other question than this. The fact that Jungkook went around spreading the rumour doesn’t help either, but he has his hands tied on the matter; his friend doesn’t listen to him anymore.

“Do you want the long answer or the short one?” Jimin asks then.

You sigh. “The short one.”

“No, he did not.”

“Hm…” Frowning, you cross your arms, totally taken aback. “What’s the long one, then?”

Eyes looking down at his palms, the boy takes a deep breath. Maybe this is a breaking point, and he probably shouldn’t be talking about this. If this changes your mind about Jungkook, he will hate him forever. But if this helps you open your eyes to the situation, well, then Jimin will be happy – he just wants you two to be happy, together or not. And you deserve to know the truth.

“He didn’t, but he came close,” he explains. “At some point, the girl asked him if he had a girlfriend and Jungkookie burst into tears. Then he whined a bit about you, she comforted him, and the last thing I heard was the girl calling him an asshole.”

You gulp down, your stomach churning. Suddenly you feel out of breath. “So, he didn’t do it, but he tried to.”

“Well, yeah?” Jimin scratches the back of his neck, awkwardly shifting on the chair. “It was kind of his idea to go out and sleep around, but he just can’t.”

“So, he’s really going around trying to get into the pants of every girl he sees?”

“Why are you mad? He couldn’t do it! That’s— that’s good! It means he’s not over you yet,” he tries to comfort you as he kneels in front of you. “If it affects you so much, why did you choose Seokjin-hyung over him?”

You uncover your conflicted face. “If it ‘affects me’ so much…? I’m— what?”

“You sound jealous.”

That’s the last straw. With a spasm, you begin to cry, shrinking in your chair. Jimin freezes until he comes back to his senses and takes your hands, stroking them with his thumbs.

“How is ‘jealous’ the first word you could think of? How could I not be jealous?” you cry out.

“But you broke up with Kookie, didn’t you?” he murmurs, voice lower and lower. “You have no right to be.”

Suddenly calm, you let go of his hands. “Uh, yeah, that’s another thing I wanted to ask! Could someone please tell me when I broke up with him? Because, as far as I can remember, neither of us has ever sat down to talk about breaking up. He just… ghosted me.”

“But he says— he says you did. You dumped him for Jin-hyung, he heard you.”

You frown and look away as you try to find some logic. Is it an excuse? But you were doing great before finding out about the bet, so it couldn’t be that. You may be a depressive bitch, but his affection towards you seemed genuine… or not? Could this be just his long-term revenge for how bad you treated him in the past? But then, why would he crumble down instead of hooking up with that stranger? Maybe Jimin is lying.

“Are you lying?”

“Why would I?” Jimin replies with a scoff. “Jungkook begged me not to tell anyone. I’m telling you because someone has to seal up this fucking drama.”

Okay, if Jungkook did all of this out of pure convincement that you really dumped him for Seokjin, how the fuck did he come to that shitty conclusion? It couldn’t be Jin himself; you know him well enough. Maybe someone from the team? But Jungkook couldn’t be convinced like that in one day.

“I don’t know why, but Jungkook thinks I cheated on him with Seokjin, is that it?” you sum up.

“He says he heard you,” Jimin explains, sitting back on his chair. “And after what he had been hearing in the club ever since Jin-hyung came back, and knowing what he’s like, it’s no wonder that’s the conclusion he came to.”

“Sounds a bit extreme to me.”

Jimin shrugs. “Look, whatever Jungkook heard, it made him believe that you cheated on him and dumped him for your ex.”

Oh.

Oh, fuck. Seokjin’s visit, that must be it. The noise from the entrance, the door closing. You contemplated the possibility that it was Jungkook, but now that you think of it— without context, it was a weird conversation. But it’s not like he caught you doing anything wrong either, right? It’s his problem for not asking. And besides, he didn’t bother to try to solve the problem either, he just ran away whining – like he always does.

You get up and put your backpack on your shoulder as you thank Jimin for giving up so much of his precious time to answer all your questions. At least now you have a clear view of what happened.

Jimin gets up with you. “I think you should talk to him. He must be on his way to practice.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“But you’re still together! That’s great!” he exclaims.

“After he tried to sleep with another girl?” you ask coldly, arching an eyebrow. “No, thanks. She can keep him.”

And you walk out of the classroom, hoping that the warm feeling in your chest will die soon. At least before you have to kill it yourself.

Don’t hesitate to like, reblog, and leave some feedback if you liked it! It’s always good and encouraging to know what you think <3

#sub!jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook smut #sub!bts #sub jungkook #sub bts #bts fanfiction #jungkook college au #jungkook enemies to lovers #jungkook x noona #mommy kink #noona kink

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hobeemin · 1 year

Text

fool’s gold

💰 genre: angst, smut, drama, established relationship au, lovers to enemies

💰 pairing(s): ceo!kim namjoon x doctor!poc (f)reader x lawyer!kim seokjin

💰 summary: "the cause of broken marriages is selfishness in one form or another" - vance havner

vows were never meant to be broken yet here they were. the problem is how can you quit the very person you know is your soulmate?

💰 rating: 18+

💰 warning(s): divorce, infidelity, depression, anxiety, gossip, drinking, swearing, pregnancy, gossip, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, dirty talk, teasing, angry sex

💰 word count: 4.5k

💰 credits: a huge shoutout to @daimyosjeon and @sugakookitty for beta reading this fic. i hadn’t written anything in awhile so i appreciate the feedback you both gave cause i was so unsure of this fic 💜💜

banner resources found here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

💰 a/n: for the heartbroken society collab hosted by @shina913 @playmetheclassics & @jeonlius

The horns outside roused the two occupants awake. The man blinked, trying to remove the sleep from his eyes. His lover didn’t take long to rise from the bed and search for her clothing strewn around the room. He watched with interest as she dressed, only sitting back down on the edge of the bed to put her shoes back on.

“Leaving so soon?”

She sighed as she felt his hand touch her lower back. She almost recoiled from it.

“We go through this every time, Namjoon. You know I can’t stay.”

He frowned, rolling onto his back as he looked at the ceiling. “You can; you just never do.”

She stood, walking over to the mirror at the dresser. “I’m not going to get into this with you right now, and I need coffee before my meeting this morning.”

He rolled his eyes. “Always a pleasure Y/N.”

“Likewise.”

---

Y/N sat at the table, fiddling with a pen in her hand. Her eyes kept glancing at the clock.

Late as usual.

“Are you sure he knew when the settlement started?”

She huffed, turning to the man beside her. “Jin, I’m sure of it, and it was scheduled months ago.”

Jin sat back and adjusted his tie. “Being late will only make the judge hate him more.”

The door opened as the judge walked in. She nodded to the three people sitting and sat down. “I see he’s late again,” she murmured, opening her files.

The second man finally spoke up, his features slightly annoyed. “Your honor, I’ve called my client but haven’t been able to reach him–”

The door to the conference room burst open as Namjoon entered, looking disheveled. He planted himself in the seat next to his lawyer and gave the judge a small smile.

“My apologies, Judge Park. Traffic.”

Judge Park scowled. “Traffic didn’t stop everyone else from being here on time. Mr. Kim, I’d suggest you get your priorities straight. After all, this is your divorce settlement.”

The judge continued to drone on, summarizing what had been said in the last few sessions.

Y/N glared at Namjoon. After seven years of marriage, they called it quits. They didn’t try to hold on to their marriage. How she felt about him and made her think they weren’t aligned. The bills from their marriage counselor were proof enough.

After a particularly nasty scandal involving a secretary, Y/N called it quits. She was tired of the whispers and the looks she received working at the hospital, which added even more stress to her already fast-paced life.

And yet.

She looked across the table at her soon-to-be ex-husband. Why couldn’t she stay away? The guilt of that morning still lingered, and the thought made her face heat up if they had any idea what she and Namjoon did the night before.

Feeling eyes on her, she looked up from her papers to see Namjoon glancing at her. She looked over at her lawyer. Jin was preoccupied with the judge, reading over his notes and paying attention, as was Namjoon’s lawyer. She rolled her eyes as a smirk spread across his face. The sudden urge to wipe it off his face with her fist grew each moment. When he sent a wink her way, Y/N let out an audible groan making both lawyers stop talking.

They turned, looking at her curiously. Jin raised an eyebrow at her in concern as he reached for his glass. “Everything alright, Dr. Kim?”

Y/N flashed him a smile.

Judge Park pressed her hands together with a nod to each person.

“It seems these are the terms from both parties. If we’ve reached an agreement, these can be drawn up, and in our next meeting, we’ll only need signatures. How do we–”

“Your Honor?”

Y/N huffed out a breath as Namjoon spoke up. Adjusting his tie, he shot her a look with a grin. “I’d like to go over the logistics of the assets once more.”

Jin frowned. “I’m sorry, but what wasn’t clear before?”

Namjoon murmured as he leafed through the sheets. Once he reached the section, he chuckled, flipping it around and placing his finger near it.

“The vacation property. What do you plan to do with it?”

Was he for real?

Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “You can’t be serious. Why do you care what I do with it?”

“Humor me, please.”

A frown crossed her face. “Sell it.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Wha–B-But why?! We built it together, Y/N!”

A snarl erupted from between her lips. “It lost all value when you decided to bring multiple women into our bedroom, Namjoon.”

“I will have to step in and cease this conversation. This session is adjourned.”

As the judge stood, the group did as well until she left the room. Y/N sighed heavily as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Namjoon observed the action. Yep. She was stressed, and it was her way of coping with it. He remembered when he first saw her do it as a university student, and they were studying in his dorm during finals week.

“Helps me calm down,” she once said.

He realized he’d been staring once her eyes fell on him. He looked away in haste. She rolled her eyes until she felt a hand on her arm. Y/N turned to see Jin standing next to her. He removed his hand once he realized they were still around other people. He dropped his voice enough for her to hear.

“Call me later?”

She nodded, giving him a small smile. Relief passed his features as he gathered his papers and put them into his suitcase. The group headed to the elevators waiting for it to stop at their floor.

“Where’s Haneul?”

Y/N scoffed at the question, keeping her eyes facing the elevator. “So now you care about your daughter?”

Namjoon sighed, feeling the sudden headache grow. “She’s just as much my daughter as she is yours.”

She rounded on him, and her temper began to flare. “I wish you wouldn’t try to test me. Keep it up, Joon. I’m trying to be fair, but if you keep antagonizing me, I will ensure you only get limited visits with her.”

“You wouldn’t do that, Y/N,” he accused quietly. Namjoon narrowed his eyes at his wife, and she was playing hardball now. He was a lousy husband but prided himself on being a great father.

Jin glanced between the two of them. “This isn’t the proper place for this discussion.”

“I’m aware, Seokjin,” she snapped before returning to Namjoon. “She’s staying with my parents; they flew in a few days ago. Happy?”

“Very. Thanks,” he mumbled. “I’ll pick her up on Friday and take her to school on Monday morning.”

She nodded, pressing the button that led to the parking garage. At least she could be civil when it came to their daughter.

“Fine with me. Just call before you arrive.”

Namjoon hummed in agreement, and the elevator ride fell into silence. As he leaned against the wall, deep in thought, he noticed something. Seokjin stood too close to his wife– he refused to call her his ex until the papers were signed. They were merely separated. But Y/N didn’t move away from Seokjin; she quickly smiled at him. Namjoon’s knuckles paled as he gripped his suitcase tighter. Clenching his jaw, he cleared his throat.

“Are you going back to work now?”

Y/N stepped away from Seokjin and turned to Namjoon. “No, I took a leave of absence.” Seeing his facial expression, she sighed. “It’s fine, and I have enough residents to help until I’m back.”

The last thing she wanted to do was have him pry about why she took time off work, and all it would do was lead to another argument. She was relieved when the elevator finally reached the parking level she was on. As the door opened, Seokjin held the button. She turned toward Namjoon with a curt nod.

“I’ll see you soon, Namjoon. I’ll let Haneul know you’ll pick her up.”

“Thank you. See you Friday.”

As she walked out, Seokjin followed, tipping his imaginary hat to him just as the doors shut. Namjoon frowned as he got off at the next level. Why did seeing her with Jin rustle his feathers so much? Not only would that be inappropriate, but it would also be an extreme conflict of interest. He was her lawyer, for crying out loud.

Would that stop you?

He shook off the thoughts, frowning as he walked to his car. Yes, things had gotten bad between them, but they always ended up in bed together for the most part. Regardless of their thoughts of each other, no matter how toxic it was, Namjoon and Y/N still had some physical attraction to each other.

---

“Oh shit!”

Y/N whipped her head back, biting down hard on her lip. One hand gripped the counter's edge, and the other tangled into dark hair from the scalp for dear life. She willed herself to open her eyes and look down at the head between her legs.

She bit back a scream as she rutted against his mouth. He massaged her inner thighs, placing soft kisses along her skin, making his way up to her pussy lips. His finger stroked her slit, gauging her reaction. His fingers dug into her thighs as his lips laid an assault on her swollen clit. Y/N’s hips bucked, making him chuckle as he pulled away.

At the sudden loss of contact, a frown formed on her face. Mischievous eyes met hers as his tongue licked a thick strip along her seam, causing her to jolt.

“Frustrated?”

Y/N eyed him with scrutiny.

Giving in would only make things rough. He knew what he was doing to her. A smirk spread on his face, watching her come undone.

“I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn. Just say my name, and I’ll let you come, darling.”

Making a point, he spread her lips, zeroing in on her clit. He flicked it gently, followed by a smack. With a muffled moan, Y/N’s hips bucked. Collecting her arousal on his tongue with kitten licks, he let out a hungry moan before covering her clit with his mouth, causing her to cry. He let go of her clit, letting his tongue travel down to her entrance. He hummed as he feasted, enjoying how close she was to unraveling. Gasping, she gripped his hair more, making a hiss slip past his pillowy lips as she anchored herself.

“Let go, Y/N. I know you want to, darling. It’s alright,” he coaxed silkily.

The tight coils in her belly released so suddenly that she almost scooted off the counter. He held down her thighs to keep her from falling as she cried out. The aftershocks were so intense she kept shivering as he stood from his spot. He picked her up in his arms, cradling her against his chest.

“Anything to say, Y/N?”

Finally catching her breath, she looked at him with a chuckle.

“Fuck you, Kim Seokjin.”

---

Y/N emerged wrapped in a towel, shower bonnet on her head as the steam billowed from the shower in the bathroom shower. The smells wafting throughout the apartment made her mouth water as she removed the bonnet shaking her faux locs from their confines. Slipping into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, she padded back into the living room, going toward the kitchen. A man stood around, turned by the stove, stirring something in a pot. Smiling, she walked behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso.

“Something smells delicious.”

Jin laughed as he paused his stirring. Turning, he bent down to kiss her before focusing on the pot. “It’s almost done. Wanna taste?”

“Do you have to ask me?”

He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and scooped some of the sauce onto the spoon. He blew it gently before bringing it to her lips. Y/N tasted the sauce, humming at how delicious it was.

“Not bad, Mr. Kim.”

He laughed, putting the lid on the pot. “Not bad, my ass. It’s the best kimchi tofu soup ever.”

She scoffed, removing her hands from his torso, and grabbed bowls from the cabinets. “And feed your already bloated ego? You think so little of me.”

Jin smirked as he swatted her ass playfully and kissed her cheek. “I think of you just fine. You ready to eat?”

She nodded as she helped set the table. Jin brought out the side dishes, scooping the rice into two small bowls. They sat down moments later, and Jin opened a bottle of wine, pouring each a glass. Sitting there in silence felt calming. No yelling or arguments...just peace.

She spoke too soon.

Jin took a sip of his wine before digging into his soup. “How are you feeling?”

Y/N’s brow arched in curiosity. “In what way?”

His smile reached the corner of his mouth. “You’re being coy, but I meant the settlement and Namjoon.”

Her nose wrinkled in distaste. “Do we have to talk about that?”

“But as your lawyer–”

“Correction...yes, you are my lawyer, Jin; however, we are off the clock. I don’t want to talk about that right now, please.”

“Fine. But I do have one more question.”

Y/N gave a lackluster smile but urged him to continue.

“When am I going to meet Haneul?”

She blinked once. Then twice. Where was this all coming from? As she remained silent, Jin began to feel agitated.

“It’s not a difficult question, Y/N. I mean, we’ve been seeing each other for almost a year. Don’t you think it’s time?”

"No. No, I don't," she answered.

He stared at her in disbelief, frown lines forming on his face. "No?"

"No."

"Why?"

All she wanted was a quiet dinner with him. Was that so hard to ask? The last thing she wanted was to think about custody hearings and the divorce. It was hard enough taking a leave of absence was hard enough, and work helped her be distracted.

Y/N rubbed her nose bridge again to alleviate the pain between her eyes.

Why was he ruining this?

Standing, she met his gaze as her lips drooped into a frown.

“I think I should leave.”

Jin swore under his breath, rising from his seat. “Why are you being so dramatic? It’s just a question.”

Rolling her eyes upward, she stormed off, grabbing her belongings and shoving them into a bag. “I don’t have time for this, Jin.”

He followed her into the bedroom, watching her dress. “Then make time.”

Her posture straightened as she let out a hiss, eyes narrowing. “What did you say?”

He walked up to her crossing his arms over his expansive chest. “We knew what we were doing, starting something. You’re so caught up in what everyone will think; you can’t see that someone cares about you.”

His voice lowered, reaching out to grab her hand. “Y/N, please stay. It’s late, and I don’t want to upset you.”

She shook her head as Jin’s thumbs circled the top of her hands. The gesture calmed her nerves as she thought about what he had said. She didn't want to admit it, but he was right in some aspects. Sighing, she looked up at Jin and nodded.

“I get what you’re saying, but can we slow things down for a while? I want to be able to do things right this time.”

Jin leaned in and kissed her forehead gently. “Yes. I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for you.”

---

Namjoon stared out at the skyline, drink in hand. The condensation coated his fingers. Brows furrowed as his insecurities began to eat away at him. Why was he feeling like this? He hadn’t been able to shake the suspicious feeling since seeing Y/N in the elevator. Something was up, and he did like the unknown. Lost in his thoughts, he barely felt the hands encircling his waist. Lips pressing against his earlobe caused him to shudder. A smirk ghosted her face.

“Come back to bed.”

“Can’t sleep,” he muttered.

She frowned, reaching out to take the glass from his hands. “You’re drinking again.”

“Helps me get to sleep.”

“No, it doesn’t. Just makes the bad things go away temporarily.”

Namjoon let out a heavy sigh as he fought to roll his eyes. “You gonna lecture all night and ruin my buzz?”

She scoffed with a frown. “Not unless you come back to bed.”

“Soon.”

She sucked in her teeth, glaring at the back of his head. “Namjoon, you’re making this easy for me to decide.”

“Decide what?”

“To leave you completely.”

He turned to look at her with a stare of disbelief. “Tiffany, you can’t be serious.”

She crossed her hands over her chest. “Very. It was fun while it lasted, but you’re a mess.”

“I wasn’t messed up when you came here today,” he taunted. “It wasn’t messed up when you and I started this. Admit it, you didn’t care you were fucking a married man, and you sure didn’t care that it was the husband of your colleague.”

“You’re a bastard,” she hissed.

Smirking, he gripped her by the hair, tugging her toward him. “I know. Now kiss me.”

Her lips smashed against his as he laid claim once again. The glass slipped from his hands, falling to the floor in an earth-shattering crash, making her pull away momentarily.

“Leave it,” he murmured against her lips.

Picking her up by the waist, her legs wrapped around him instinctively. Namjoon pushed her against the glass, pushing her panties to the side; she moaned as she felt him enter without warning, gripping him by the hair as their grunts and pants filled the air.

There was no tenderness in the sex, just two people seeking their selfishness. And it worked for them. Namjoon’s head fell back, lost in lust as his thrust quickened.

“Fuck, Baby, you feel so good around my cock.”

She could only moan back in response.

“I love you so much, Y/N.”

Her eyes popped open as her hands dropped to his shoulders. “What the fuck did you say?”

The look on his face was of utter shock. “I–”

“Get the fuck off me,” she snapped.

Shoving him away after he placed her back on the ground, she avoided stepping on the glass as she gathered her things.

“Babe, let's talk about this.”

“There is nothing to discuss with you anymore. I’m done. You get your priorities together, Namjoon, or so help me.”

She placed her coat over her shoulders, slipped her heels on, and walked away without a word. All he could do was drop to the couch in disbelief.

What was he doing?

---

Y/N watched as Haneul ran around the playground with a smile spread across her face. It made her happy to see her daughter having so much fun. She sometimes regretted not giving her a sibling, especially since she came from a large family. But that time had passed in her mind. Would she want to go through it again? Would Jin even want to?

She shook the thoughts away as Haneul ran up to her, breathing hard.

“Eomma, did you see me in the jungle gym?”

“I did! You’ve gotten faster!”

“Appa helped last time,” she said with a smile.

Y/N strained a smile back as Haneul sat next to her. “Oh, he did.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I see.”

Haneul looked out at the scenery for a moment before speaking up again. “Is Appa going to come back to live with us?”

It was only a matter of time before Haneul questioned what was happening. She was far too observant of a child not to. Y/N dreaded the day it would come, but keeping her daughter in the dark wasn't fair.

“Next time Appa is with us, we’ll sit down and talk to you about it, okay?”

It seemed to satisfy her, and she got up again to play on the swings now that they were unoccupied.

“Mind if I sit here?”

She saw Namjoon standing beside her, holding three drinks in a carrier. She gestured for him to sit as she focused on Haneul.

“How are you doing, Y/N?”

“All things considered, I’m alright. Yourself?”

“More or less fine.”

“Good,” she answered.

He held out a cup to her with a small smile. “I got your favorite–a vanilla matcha latte, right?”

She took it from his hands with a tiny nod. “Yes. Thanks.”

After a minute of silence, Y/N spoke up. “We’ll have to explain things to Haneul at some point, and she’s asking many questions.”

He sipped his drink, taking in what she was asking. “When should we?”

“Sooner than later. I’m returning to work this week– maybe in a week or two. You can come over for dinner.”

He tried not to show too much emotion on his face. He hadn’t returned to their place in ages, and maybe this was the way back into their lives.

“Sounds good. I’ll call you to discuss details.”

Haneul noticed Namjoon as her eyes lit up. She jumped off the swings, much to Y/N’s protest, running up to her father and hugging him.

“Appa!”

“BunBun!”

She chatted animatedly with him as Y/N watched on. It almost felt like old times, and it was practically the calm before an even more significant storm— one they weren’t prepared for.

---

Y/N washed her hands as she turned to her patient with a warm smile. “I’ll send my nurse in to administer your shot. I’ll have your new prescription ready at the reception desk, and you can schedule a follow-up with me in six weeks.”

Walking out, she almost collided with one of the Nurse Practitioners.

“Oh, Dr. Kim!”

Y/N’s lips pressed thin as she stared at her unmoving. The woman felt uneasy under her gaze.

“You should be more aware of your surroundings, Tiffany,” she murmured with a slight edge.

Tiffany muttered an apology as she cast her eyes down at the ground. “Apologies, I haven't been in the right headspace today.”

Y/N shook her head, still lacking her normal empathy. “Maybe you should have taken the day off–”

Suddenly Tiffany hunched over, vomiting right in front of Y/N all over the floor. Nurses looked up from their computers and rushed over, fussing at Tiffany. A few bowed to Y/N as they ushered her away. Something felt off to Y/N. Her stomach twisted in knots. Giving the front desk her instructions, she rushed off in the direction they walked off with Tiffany. She found her in the physician's lounge in one of the beds. With a cold compress on her head, she brushed off the nurses standing around her. Once they noticed Y/N standing there, they hurried away, avoiding her gaze.

As Tiffany began to sit up, Y/N shook her head.

“No need to do that. Rest.”

She sat on the edge of the bed, staring hard at the lines in the hardwood.

“Dr. Kim–”

“How long?”

Tiffany’s brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

The sound that left Y/N's mouth was equal parts exhaustion and exasperation. Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she met her gaze.

“You can stop playing innocent, Tiffany. Admit it. You’re pregnant.”

Silent tears fell as she covered her face away from Y/N. “How did you know?”

“Doesn’t matter. How far along are you?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow to find out.”

“Does he know?”

“No. I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ll figure it out,” she exited the room. “But you need to tell him. I mean it.”

As Y/N closed the door behind her, she felt the air deflating from her lungs. The lump in her throat grew as she nearly ran back to her office.

Once the door shut, she slid to the floor and sobbed quietly.

Things were always going to be different now.

---

If looks could kill.

Y/N and Jin sat across from Namjoon and Tiffany in the restaurant, and her ex looked as pissed as she felt. When Y/N suggested dinner, the last thing he expected was to see Jin sitting across from him.

So they were together. His temper rose by the minute, but he had to keep it in check. Otherwise, Y/N would have more arsenal to use against them in their case.

He sipped his whiskey, trying to seem interested in the small talk, but he couldn’t help but notice Y/N's body language with Jin. Nothing like his, and that didn’t sit well with him.

“I’m curious as to why you called this dinner, Y/N,” he said, interrupting the conversation.

Y/N set her fork down to glance at Namjoon. “Well, it only seemed fair to get everything out in the open. You and Tiffany are starting a family, and I have been seeing Seokjin for some time now.”

“Isn't this a bit extreme?”

“No. I don’t think so. Let’s look at the facts; Tiffany is...what, three months pregnant. If you look at the time frame–”

Jin put his hand over Y/N’s. “Honey, maybe this isn’t the place.”

She snatched her hand away. “No, I’m going to finish my thought,” her eyes flashed in anger and hurt at her soon-to-be ex-husband, “The timeframe shows that she got pregnant while we were still together before the separation. Legally, this breaks our clause, so you better sign the papers, Namjoon, or I will make your life hell. I mean it.”

Namjoon slammed his glass down, scowling at Y/N. “You think I wanted this to happen?!”

“Don’t play the victim here. You both are guilty and knew what the fuck you were doing. I’m tired of all this. Just let our marriage go, Namjoon. I’ve moved on, and you need to do the same.”

She was throwing it away like that. Tiffany tried to console him, but he moved away from her as he pouted. Jin cleared his throat, looking at him.

“I care about Y/N. Can you see what this is doing to her? It’s better this way.”

The last thing she wanted was to shed more tears for this man, but she stood so fast the chair fell back from her seat.

“I loved you unconditionally, Namjoon. Did any of it mean anything? I wanted this marriage to work and I poured my life into it. We wanted our family to grow, and you ruined it for selfish reasons. I’m done. Officially. Goodbye, Namjoon.”

She got up and ran out of the restaurant. Jin nodded to the remaining couple, grabbed his and Y/N’s things, and walked outside. From his position, he could see Jin wrapping Y/N in his arms. She leaned into his touch, letting him take care of her. He kissed the top of her head, making a smile appear on her face. He took her hand, kissed her knuckles, and led her away.

Tiffany turned to stare at Namjoon, questioning the last few minutes.

“What are you going to do about this?”

Namjoon called for the waiter to refill his glass. He watched the amber liquid pour into his drink and nodded once it was filled. Raising his glass to Tiffany, he brought the glass to his lips.

“Cheers.”

#heartbrokensocietycollab #bangtantheatrenet #kvanity #thekpopuniverse #clubzerooclock #houseofddaeng #btshoneyhive #bangtansorciere #bangtanarmynet #kwritersworldnet #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #bts #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #bts smut #bts drama #bts angst

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riaarivic · 1 year

Text

HATE 9: DANGER (M) I MYG x F!reader

🌙 Pairings YoongixReader

🌙 Genres Mafia!AU, Smut, Angst, Action, Thriller, Enemies to lovers

🌙 Rating 18+ minors DNI

🌙 Summary You were an INTERPOL Agent assigned to infiltrate the depths of the most powerful Gang in South Korea: The Seven Moons. Your objective: to impersonate the daughter of one of their leaders and destroy the operation from within. That is, if they don't discover you first.

And Traitors won’t have the mercy of a quick death

🌙 Warnings For this chapter: mentions of death, drugs and vioence, foul language, mentions of organized crime. Smut (yes, finally) explicit sex scene.

🌙 A/N At no time do I (the author) encourage this activity in life, it is important that you know that the criminal acts in this book are that, a crime, as well as harmful to health and should not be romanticized. This is all a work of fiction for entertainment.

Love, Ria

🌙 Chapter wordcount 5k (the longest one yet)

🌙 Series Index

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

HATE 9: DANGER (M) I MYG x F!reader

You don't have me, but I'm so full of you I'm going crazy So why are you doing this to me? Why are you making a fool out of me?

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

The more you fuck around…

The more you’ll find out.

Your grandmother used to tell you that everytime you got in trouble and in the Seven Moons’s case: They’ve been fucking around for too long.

The Seven Moons’s history went way back to the first kkangpae during the Japanese occupation and the fights against the yakuza. They smuggled guns to the country during the military run in the 80’s. And of course were the Drug Kings during the clan wars 20 years ago. Every time a new leader rose, the clan had a new name and the member deleted every piece of evidence that linked them to their previous organization.

A clean page to start over.

And in the end if there’s no body, there’s no crime.

That is why they were yet to find out.

The Seven Moons under Kim DoHan’s rule, were untouchable. Every crime committed by his orders was untraceable to him and his sons; they always made sure that someone else got their hands dirty and in the case they did finish a job they had enough people in power to make sure no one would ask questions.

All of the seven young leaders' criminal records were so squeaky clean they could run for office. You were surprised you didn't see any pictures of Kim Namjoon or Kim Seokjin kissing babies on their files.

You could do a lot of fucking around if you were sure you’ll never get caught.

That was the reason you were sent to Seoul in the first place.

And for the past 3 days you learned one thing.

Kim Dohan and his seven moons were very fucking good at fucking around and not finding out.

But pride was the cardinal sin of the powerful and more often than not, the reason for their demise. All you needed was to find an opening on The Seven Moon’s arrogance.

And the best one you found.

Was finding your way to Suga's bed.

You weren’t really proud of it. But you have to do what you’ve got to do.

“By any means necessary” were the exact words of the Lieutenant and sitting on the Shadow’s face on your second night in Seoul fell into that category.

Not that you had other motives for it.

The sun was about to rise in the sky when you finally reached your bedroom in the mansion and you knew you could not sleep tonight, not after what you saw at Jhope’s warehouse.

You’ve witnessed violence, you served in the military, you’ve been in a war.

But you’ve never seen something so cruel…

It was pure evil, the way those bodies piled up.

And the message.

“This is how the devil pays for your loyalty”

Written with their own clansmen blood.

Releasing a tired sigh you sat on your bed and took out a small digital recorder in your pocket.

You had placed the device inside the meeting room earlier that day during the office tour. Hoping to catch some valuable information from the clan leaders. Now, as you got your laptop on your lap, you plugged in your earbuds and listened to the recording, your heart pounding with anticipation.

At first, the voices were barely audible, as if the speakers were deliberately trying to keep their conversation from being overheard. But your trained ears picked up snippets of words and phrases.

It was a conversation between Kim Dohan and Mr. Lee “your father”

"...the heir is a liability..." said Kim Dohan in a tone that made your blood run cold.

"...we must eliminate… before they gain too much power..." responded Mr. Lee and you made a mental note to find out who they were. You suspected they were talking about the Jade Dragon.

"...make it look like an accident..." Your hand shook as you rewound the recording and played back the crucial part.

This wasn’t exactly what you had been waiting for, a piece of evidence that would help you bring down the entire clan.

But it was a death sentence for the clan’s heir, who was unaware of the plot against him.

It had to be Kim Namjoon.

You wondered what drove Kim Dohan to decide to get rid of his only biological son. You had to act fast. You couldn't let them carry out their plan. But how could you warn Namjoon without blowing your cover?

If they killed him and then wiped out the clan’s record there was no chance for you to find any evidence.

And without any evidence, you were done.

Mission Failed.

Fuck.

You needed to rest.

You closed your laptop and stared at the ceiling, your time was running out. And this piece of information was a drop of water compared to the sea of lies that existed around the Seven Moons clan.

You needed something more, something bigger.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

The next morning on the Seven Moon's diningroom.

Awkward was not a good enough word to describe how everyone at that table was feeling.

Namjoon had a black eye.

Suga had a split lip.

No one knew how Jungkook had ended up with a hickey on his neck.

Jimin was still furious with everyone for making such a fuss in his club.

Jhope looked like his cereal was made of rusty nails and he had to swalow them whole.

Taehyung was looking at you as if he wanted to kill you…

Although that was nothing new.

You looked exactly how you felt.. like shit.

Jin was the only one who seemed to be calm.

And as if the tension at that table didn't feel like it could be cut with a chainsaw. The clan’s Leader joined you for the first time at breakfast.

“Miss Nari, you have been in my house for a few days now and we have not had the opportunity to talk” Kim Dohan's deep voice crossed the dining table and his tone of authority made everyone present stop what they were doing “I hope you are adapting well to life here in Seoul, if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to let me know”

“Thank you very much, sir” You answered him looking at him from afar feeling like his gaze could pierce through any lie, even for you, a trained agent looking at Kim Dohan was like looking straight in the devil’s eyes “I have everything I need, you are very kind” finished your phrase with the most convincing smile you could give.

“Everyone can tell you have more than you need” Taehyung muttered quietly, just enough for you to hear him and you felt the blood rush to your cheeks. You weren't quite sure if it was anger or embarrassment you felt.

“If you want to say something at my table, Kim Taehyung, I hope you'll say it loud enough for all of us to hear” The Leader pounded his fist on the table making everyone jump a little out of their seats.

“Oh, Father, I was saying that Miss Nari seems to feel very comfortable at home. That is so great, because by the end of next month this will be your house too. When she marries one of us” The young gangster replied with a shit eating grin.

You little shit.

Oh, how you wanted to wipe the smile off his face!

After the awkward breakfast was over, you felt like you were about to poke Taehyung with a toothpick right in the eye. When one of Kim Dohan’s bodyguards approached you quietly “The Leader wants to speak to you privately”

Your blood froze on your veins, if there was something you did not want to do was to be in the same room as Kim Dohan… alone. You looked at Suga who was on the other side of the room and he gave you an understanding smile.

If the leader wanted to speak to you alone, he will have it his way.

You took a deep breath before opening the doors to The Leader’s office. The devil sat behind his massive desk, his piercing gaze fixed on you as you approached him. "Sit," he commanded, gesturing to the chair opposite him. You sat down, your heart pounding in your chest.

"You know that you are playing with fire, don't you?" Kim Dohan said in a low voice. "You may have fooled my men and my sons, but you can't fool me."

You tried to keep your expression neutral, but your mind was racing. Have you been discovered? Did Kim DoHan know that you were an undercover agent?

"I know about you and my son," Kim DoHan continued, his eyes narrowing. "Don't think that anything happens in my house without me knowing. You're lucky that I respect your father so much."

You felt your heart sink.

Out of all the things you thought he could have discovered. That was the less awfull.

But you could not be at ease. Now that you knew he was onto you.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," you stammered, trying to stay calm.

"Oh, pretty lily. That was your first and last mistake. Do not lie to me," Kim DoHan said, his voice rising and his gaze darkened. "I have eyes and ears everywhere. This is my home and my kingdom to rule. You think you can deceive me, but you can't. You're playing a dangerous game, flower. And if you're not careful, you're going to get burned."

You noticed Kim Dohan kept calling you flower.

Just like Suga did.

And that made you wonder if he was involved in this.

You felt a cold sweat break out on her forehead. Kim Dohan's words were a clear warning, and you knew that you had to be more careful than ever. You nodded, keeping your eyes fixed on the floor.

"I understand," you said softly. "I won't let it happen again."

Kim Dohan leaned back in his chair, his expression inscrutable. "See that you don't. I won’t say I don't understand young love, but I really do not appreciate two of my sons fighting in a dark alley like hormonal teenagers over a girl. " he said, dismissing you with a wave of his hand.

You rose to your feet, your legs feeling weak. You knew that you had narrowly escaped a dangerous situation, and that you had to tread carefully from now on. As you left Kim DoHan's office, you knew that the stakes had just been raised, and that the game had become even more deadly.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Later that day...

You were lying on your bed trying to process all the information you had gathered over the past days.

The realization dawned on you, it became clear that the Jade Dragon, the Chinese triad with a dark history, had resurfaced and were seeking retribution. The ability to send a message to the clan's secret hideout suggested that they had a mole within the organization.

And not just anyone had access to that place, it had to be someone with power.

You had enough reasons to suspect that Kim Namjoon was into some shady business, and you were determined to uncover the truth. Your gut suggested that it may have something to do with his father's plans to eliminate the heir.

With everything that happened so far, you were aware that time was running out, and you had until the end of the following month to compile all the evidence you could.

This was your only opportunity to bring the clan to justice.

The moment the new heir was appointed, the clan would be rebranded under a fresh name, and all traces of their previous identity would vanish.

To make everything fucking worse, you had a hint that Kim DoHan was aware of your true intentions.

And early today he wasn’t just talking about you fucking his son.

Tap, Tap, Tap

Someone was tapping quickly on the balcony window in your room.

Ah, yes...

You weren't thinking about your main problem.

And said problem just hauled himself over the balcony railing with ease, his lean muscles rippling under his black shirt. He stood before you, an inscrutable expression on his chiseled face. In the moonlight light filtering through the curtains, his features seemed even more striking - the sharp jawline, the piercing obsidian eyes, the faint scar on his left eye that only added to his rugged appeal.

“Good evening Little flower. Can you let me in?” he said in his low, melodic voice. He took a step closer. You could smell the heady, sandalwood scent of his cologne, feel the warmth radiating from his body. Your heart thudded in her chest.

“What are you doing here Suga?” you asked as you opened the window, the cold night breeze made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

"I've been trying to figure something out,besides, I thought it was funny that we both used each other's window as an entrance,” he winked at you “your room smells like Lilies Is that on purpose?”

“Suga, what are you doing here, are you on drugs?” you let out an inpatient sigh and the black-haired man stopped in front of you and took a lock of your hair still smiling at you “I'm clean as a Russian athlete before the Olympics. Didn’t I tell you to call me by my name, when we were alone, did you forget it?”

“No, I didn't”

Of course you hadn't.

You had imagined calling him by his name when you kissed him again.

But that couldn't happen again. A flash of your conversation earlier with Kim DoHan passed through your mind.

It won’t happen again.

“What are you trying to figure out in the middle of the night in my room, Yoongi?” If you thought that man was close to you before, now Suga was almost completely attached to her body.

"I need your help."

You swallowed hard. "I don't know how I can help you."

He smiled, a slow, dangerous smile that made your knees weak. "I think you do. I see the way you look at me. The way your breath catches when I'm near you," He reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face, his fingers trailing along her skin and igniting sparks beneath her flesh.

“But this is not about that. Although, we could talk about it later” he said.

Your heart raced. You knew after that conversation with Kim DoHan that you were flying too close to the sun, seeing Suga behind his father's back. But you couldn't deny the attraction you felt for him, the way his eyes seemed to look right through you right now.

"What do you need my help with?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

"It's about what you saw last night at Jhope's warehouse," Suga said, pacing back and forth across the room. "Can you tell me everything?."

You felt a surge of adrenaline. This was exactly the kind of opening you were looking for. If Suga trusted you enough to ask, you’ll make him trust you enough to speak.

"It was awful," you said. “I’ve never seen something like that before.”

"I know, pretty flower, but I really need you to tell me what you saw," Suga said, turning to face you. "I need you to find out what is happening, before it's too late."

You sighed as you began to recall everything you could remember while Suga listened carefully. That man's gaze was the only thing that could terrify her and make her want to run straight towards him at the same time.

"Thank you" he says, taking a step closer to her. "I can’t tell you right now how much you’ve helped me today. But I promise you, it's important."

You feel your heart skip a beat as he reaches out and brushes a strand of hair from your face.

"I don't know if I can trust you," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

He takes another step closer and looks deep into her eyes. "You can trust me," he says, his voice filled with sincerity.

For a moment, you stand there in silence, the tension between you palpable. Then, he leans in, taking the lollipop out of his mouth and presses his lips to yours, and you felt yourself melting into his arms.

As you break apart, you realize that you’re in too deep.

Suga made you feel as if you were running directly towards a cliff.

Ready to jump to the abyss.

Fuck the consequences.

“I actually came to figure out something else. You see, last night you were high and I’ve been told not to trust drunken truths. Bu you said you like me-”

“I don't like you.” You interrupted him trying to sound as convincing as you could, but Suga could see right through you. He smirked and took the lollipop between his fingers and tapped it to your lips. You understood what he was asking immediately.

You licked the lollipop looking right into his eyes.

Sweet.

He took it again and put it in his mouth, rolling it around his tongue.

“Good girl. But you taste like lies.” The man ran his thumb delicately over her lips and brought his mouth close to your ear. “If you don't want me to kiss you again, tell me and I won't touch you again” his voice sounded almost like a growl “But if you'll give me your permission, I want to check a second thing”

Flying too close to the sun.

That was exactly what it felt like to kiss Suga.

“What thing?”

“If I really like you enough, that I don't give a fuck about all the trouble you're going to get me into” Now you the one who kissed him this time.

Oh, you were going to burn.

Suga bit your lower lip so that you would open your mouth a little and his tongue could roam freely over yours. His hands moved down from your face and over your neck, shoulders, breasts and hips.

Tonight, it felt different than the first night in his bedroom.

Tonight Suga was a man on a mission.

His plan was to leave no corner of your body unknown.

Between the haze of desire that you were feeling, your mind came to its senses.

As an undercover agent, you knew the risks of getting involved with the son of one of Seoul's most powerful mafia leaders.

Kim DoHan had fucking warned you less than four hours ago.

But when he dropped you onto the luxurious bed of your bedroom in the Mansion, you couldn't deny the attraction between you. As his intense gaze swept over your body, you felt a rush of excitement mixed with fear.

As he leaned in to kiss you, you couldn't help but wonder if this was all part of his plan. Was he using you or did he genuinely want you? You pushed those thoughts aside and surrendered to the pleasure, letting yourself get lost in the moment.

“Yoongi.” you sighed between kisses, and to him his name sounded like the best melody he had ever heard in his life.

“Oh, little flower you're going to be the fucking death of me.” he growled lowering his lips to her neck to bite her and she let out a moan.

That was the last remaining thread of control for both of you.

Yoongi drank your body like a man finding water in the middle of the desert, and when he undressed in front of you, you thought you forgot how to breathe.

The first night, he didn’t take his clothes off. He focused on you, and your pleasure.

But tonight it was different.

His muscles flexed under his smooth white skin that glistened every time the moonlight landed right on the beads of sweat that ran down his body. Yoongi was covered in small and large scars that danced among the black ink that adorned his body. He had the clan tattoo right on his chest and you wanted to run your fingertips over all his markings and then, then you would kiss them.

As you took him in, your eyes rested for a second on a path of dark hair trailing down his belly inviting you to look just a little lower. You held your breath when you saw him in all his manhood.

He smiled at you, like someone who is about to commit a crime and has absolutely no regrets

“Everything you see is yours. All you have to do is ask nicely” he said, voice deep and musky.

“I don't beg, ever” you said. He sat on the bed between your legs; both hands caressing the skin behind your knees.

“There's always a first time, flower” he said, not breaking eye contact, and you felt that all the heat of your body traveled to your center. Your skin vibrating with the low purr of Suga’s voice. You realize now the size of him and you wonder if he could fit inside.

Just like the last time he savored every second, and you realize something about Suga:

He’s a tease.

He wants to bring you close to the edge, just enough you can graze the delicious feeling of the fall; to take you away from it.

He’s like a cat you think. He is playing with his prey before he finally eats it.

“Fuck, Yoongi” you whimper when he cups your panties with his hand, applying enough pressure to make you roll your head back and close your eyes.

“You don't like me. You say. But look how wet this pussy is, and I haven’t even touched you” He’s right, you are arguably the most excited you’ve ever been in your life, and you’re embarrassingly soaked.

“I never thought Miss Lee NaRi would be a liar” you wanted to pretend that sentence didn’t stroke a nerve in your heart.

If only he knew.

You can only stare as he lowers himself to lift your shirt inch by agonizing inch. Slowly, he revealed your soft skin. And you had to bite your lip to prevent you from begging him to touch you.

Luckily he wasn’t in the mood to make you wait any longer as he roamed his hands through your body. “Fuck, flower. You are beautiful,” he said more to himself than to you. But you can’t help but feel happy as you realize that you have the same effect on him as he has on you.

“Can I?” you realize he’s looking at your breasts, and when you nod, he dives down to take one in his mouth, sucking a nipple through the lacy fabric of your bra. You moan, threading your fingers in his dark hair, and you hear the little moan that escapes his mouth encouraging you to pull harder. And without thinking you do.

Another husky moan leaves his chest as he languidly rolls his tongue over your skin. Reaching behind your back you unclasp your bra and he pulls it off your body to toss it somewhere around the room.

He looks back at you and the sight that meets his eyes is sinful. Your hair sprawled between the satin pillows and your pupils blown with desire.

This time you don’t have the effects of the drugs to blame.

This is all Suga’s work.

And He knows it.

“How do you want to come, flower? My tongue? My fingers? or…” His gaze trailed down to his member that stood proudly between you two “Or do you want me to fuck you and ruin you for everyone else?”

Your entire body clenches at the last question, and for some reason you agree that fucking Yoongi will, in fact, ruin you.

“Fuck me” you said half a whisper half a moan.

“What did you say, pretty flower?” you rolled your eyes at him and before you could bark any answer he slid his fingers between the lace of your panties. Playing with your opening and finding the exact destination with a long stroke. Head snapping back you mean loudly “Do you want me to fuck you? Hm?” his middle finger caressed your clit in circular motions dragging you closer and closer to the climax of your own pleasure.

“I need your words.” he growled

“Please fuck me, Yoongi” you moaned his name and he smiled wider.

“Good girl. Everything you ask for, I’ll give it to you” He hooks his fingers to the elastic band of your underwear and takes it off your body. You assume it fell somewhere close to where your bra landed. “I’ll fuck you. I’ll ruin you for everybody else. But first, I’ll have to stretch you.” he pants as he enters two of his fingers on your cunt “You’re so fucking tight, flower. So fucking perfect for me.”

You gasp as you feel the delicious stretch of a third finger entering you slowly, his other hand holds you tight by the waist. He leans over your body to kiss you once again and this time you feel like you’ve lost your sense of reality.

You can still taste the sweet taste of the lollipop on his tongue as you suck on it. Kissing him like you want to take all you can until everything is inevitably taken away from you.

“I- I fucking hate you” you shudder feeling flustered under his gaze as he moves back to look at you.

“Don’t start lying to me again” He steps back just enough to lift one of your legs and rest it on his shoulder. You feel your body tremble in anticipation. He slowly rubs his full girth on your swollen clit, that’s when you realize he’s teasing you again.

He starts moving at a maddening pace. Slowly rubbing himself in wet circles, without breaking eye contact “Lie to me again and see what happens”

You swallow hard and you can’t help but think you have done nothing but lie to this man.

From the very first day.

You planted a mic in his bedroom.

You are using him to get information so you can bring his clan…

His family to ruin.

If only he knew, this morning you sent a message to the base with the exact day the clan is planning to announce the heir.

You just gave the Seven Moons away to INTERPOL.

But as he slowly enters you inch by inch and you scream his name you also realize one thing

You are also lying to yourself.

And you don't want to discover how.

“There.” You plead as he pushes his final inch inside you. You whimper and shiver at the delicious feeling of having him fill you to your limits. “Oh my God Yoongi”

“I think I heard a pretty girl say she didn’t beg”

“Shut up, and fuck me”

In one swift motion he pulls out only leaving his tip, just to slam himself back so hard you hear the bed bang against the wall. He starts thrusting hard and you start seeing stars as you forget your own name.

The slow torturing pace which he touched you is long forgotten as he enters you fast and hard. He’s unforgiving. Raising your hips so he can hit the right spots at the right angle. A moan chokes in your throat as he leans down again to kiss you.

This time you can feel the cold feeling of his chains against your bare skin.

“Yoongi” you cry, feeling hot tears run down your cheeks.

“It's okay, flower. I’ve got you. Let go” he grunts as he starts picking an even faster and harder pace. His hands move from your legs to caress your clit moving in rapid circular motion. And the devilish spark that lights on Suga’s eyes tells you he’s onto something. You don’t have to wait too long when he presses his hand down your lower belly to feel himself inside you.

You think you’ve lost your mind, whimpering, moaning and crying of pleasure.

Suga was right, he just ruined you.

Your body shocks as a white hot wave of pleasure runs through it. Your orgasm hits you hard and he continues to fuck you through it as he gets closer to his not long after. You hear him gasp as he comes feeling the hot ropes of his cum land on your skin.

“Let me clean you up. Pretty flower, stay here” he pants still not able to regain his breath. As if you could really move.

He brought a wet towel from the ensuite bathroom to clean you up, and he didn’t leave it until he made sure you were thoroughly cleaned.

That night Yoongi took you again.

Several times.

You knew you were playing with fire.

And if you weren’t careful enough.

You will get burned.

But even if you knew you were both risking your lives.

Suga visited your balcony every night for the rest of that week.

And fuck the consequences.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

One week later.

You were in one of the clan's armored vans on your way to meet Anya. You had talked earlier that day on the phone and agreed to meet at her apartment. You managed to convince Namjoon to send you with only one bodyguard.

Now, that was a mistake.

As you exited the freeway and slowed down to cross to the narrower streets the car you were in was rammed by a black SUV.

You felt yourself spinning around in the air.

Shards of glass flew everywhere.

You could only hear the screeching sound of metal hitting the ground.

Ten armed men got out of the cars that surrounded you.

You heard a shot.

Blood.

You were not sure if it was yours or the driver's.

Someone forcibly pulled you off the roof of the car that was now on the ground.

Your head hurt too much.

You wished you had listened to Namjoon about taking more bodyguards.

You closed your eyes and could see Suga's smile the night before, when you were talking in his room.

Yoongi.

Come and save me.

The more you fuck around,

the more you’ll find out.

And now, you were about to.

“Make it look like an accident”

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Well, ahem..... Hello?

You guys know there's always a chapter you would never read out loud I think this is mine. This is actually the first time that I write full on smut... and it was something.

Anyway, how are you guys? I hope we're all doing well, satying healthy and surviving this tour because... Min Yongi is a fucking menace. LIKE!? The rapping? The HAIR??? The whiskey drinking? The "You guys listent too well" UMMMM EXCUSE ME SIR BUT THAT IS ILLEGAL!

And HAEGUM, when i watched the video i giggled and kicked my feet because that is Hate! Yoongi. What a beautiful time to be writing a ganster au.

Ps. Thank you SO MUCH for liking and I have to thank each an every one of you for reblogging Hate! I really, really appreciate it.

From the bottom of my chicken heart,

Thank you.

Love,

Ria 🌙

Tag List @drunkzseok @allamericanuniverse

If you want to join the tag list. You can coment this post or send me an ask!

#bts fanfic #bts smut #bts imagines #bts suga #bts mafia au #yoongi #yoongi smut #bts au #bts #run bts #bts jin #bts namjoon

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longtimenospooning-luci · 2 years

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Seokjin:

Updated 01/16/24

On Your Knees - @borathae

Hot water, thick steam and your boyfriend on his knees begging for your forgiveness. What a pleasant turn of events indeed….

How to Fake a Boyfriend - @bts-reveries

you are like every other youtuber, uploading videos once a week, collaborating with other youtubers in your city, following all the trends, etc. you were usually all about the aesthetics, beauty, fashion, food, and artsy vlogs. until one night, you got a hate comment from a day one subscriber. calling you boring and ‘no longer interesting enough to watch’. so with the help of a couple of your fellow youtuber friends, you were about to change that. pranking your subscribers and followers was never in your forte, but what happens when the single since birth youtuber: lovelyn, suddenly has a boyfriend?

Lay Me Gently - @ddaenggtan

there is no time for loneliness among the fires of your forge, no room in your buzzing mind for thoughts of anything but your next invention and the pain in your leg. your life is tilted off its axis, though, when your parents arrange a marriage without your knowledge or consent, and your new husband begins to situate himself into your life despite protests from either of you. you don’t know what Zeus and Hera have planned, but a volcano is no place for a love god like Seokjin.

Half-Baked Holiday - ^^

That Seokjin, don’t get me started on him. He’s worked hard to open and run that bakery of his, you know, and I’m so proud that it’s so successful now. Wish he would find a nice person to settle down with, though, he deserves it, as long as he’s been on his own. Well, I guess you can’t really call it alone when he’s got that grump of a best friend always hanging around him. He really should be paying her, what with all the time she spends at the bakery with him. She’s always waking up on the wrong side of the bed, but she’s not so bad when she brings me some of those cookies of his, or just around Seokjin in general, if I’m honest. Too distracted by staring at that pretty face of his, I suppose, though who can blame her?

Raspberry Truffles - @gukyi

how to fake date your best friend: step one - don’t fall in love with them. failed step one.

Seven Seconds in Heaven - @jimlingss

In the moment of your death, Heaven drops the hammer of punishment; making him travel back in time to relive memories that can never be changed. Seven seconds before they are ripped away.

Worshipers of the Sun - ^^

After the war, the God of Sun married the Goddess of Love to exemplify that such devastation will never occur again. But you knew his affections were untrue and fled. After a century, Seokjin goes looking for you to bring back home.

Silly Kitty - @jincherie

Hybrid Jin gets taken in by MC when all he wanted was a good home for his little found family of other hybrids. Fluffy, fluff, fluff!

Have Mercy - @justcallmenikki7

Jin is forced to break up with you because of BigHit.

I will, I Promise - ^^

you and your friend get attacked and you wish death upon them and your boyfriend is happy to comply.

Nerves - ^^

you meet your boyfriend, Seokjin’s, alter ego, Jin.

Beside You - @kimnjss

he’s bad for you. from the commitment issues to the endless scandals. sworn to never settle down… well, that’s until he sees how happy you can be without him. now he’s willing to do anything to keep from losing you to your so-called ‘perfect boyfriend’. feat. Jimin

Fire and Darkness - @kpopfanfictrash

Persephone!y/n + Hades!Jin

Heathens - ^^

A mafia princess who recently inherited the throne, you are forced to play by the rules in a world you despise.

Teach You - @lachimolala7

mafia au, arranged marriage au, fluff

Arrested - @ladyartemesia

Detective Kim Seokjin x Criminal Reader

Farewell - @mirahuyooo

The legends tell of a young man, whose life concluded with his reflection, and a young nymph, who fell for him insistently. He rejects her, as he does with any other and she’s heartbroken—or so the tales say.

Lucky at Cards, Unlucky at Love - @namjoonxorg

Mob ties run deep within the US, so much so that crime has become a business in of itself; Kim Seokjin is a pioneer of this métier. He, along with his 6 other business partners, somehow manage to keep Kim Co. and its illegalities largely separated. However, when Min Y/N, the adopted sister of Min Yoongi, begins to unravel lose ends about her past, the strings between the company and the crimes seem to be tying increasingly tight.

Burden - @neonlights92

After the death of his wife during childbirth Kim Seokjin is unable to hold his baby daughter without grief taking control. Just three weeks after the love of his life is taken from him so suddenly, Jin is expected to marry somebody new. You are foolish and have spent your whole life pining after Kim Seokjin from afar, even after he marries your best friend, Seul. But suddenly Seul is gone and you are expected to marry Jin and raise his child. You know your heart is already in it, but what about his?

Dangerous Situation After an Argument - @thebangtancloud

Read if you need something to make you cry.

Safe with Me - @writersrealmbts

You’ve always wanted to help people, and suddenly, you’ve been given the chance to help three hybrids who are down on their luck: Jimin, a cat hybrid, Jungkook, a bunny hybrid, and Jin, a dog-hybrid. Opening your home and your heart to these three, anything could happen. Including you getting hurt.

The King's Daughter - @writtenwhalien

Seokjin x Princess Reader, enemies to lovers au.

Currents - @yeoldontknow

Jin thinks he’s loved you since the moment he saw you, back when you were teenagers; Jin knows he’s been in love with you, the soul burning kind of love, since he saw you on your wedding day. He doesn’t mind that you don’t reciprocate on his level, he’s just happy to show you he cares. Until one day, he simply can’t anymore. Until one day, you realize you need to show him you care, too.

Love Forsaken - @yoongi-sugaglider

hanahaki disease~ a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one sided love. If the love is not returned the person suffering can only escape the disease through death or surgery to remove the flowers along with the emotions connected to them.

#seokjin imagine #seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #seokjin fluff #seokjin angst #seokjin smut #kim seokjin #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin x y/n #kim seokjin x you

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binniewon · 2 years

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CASTLE Chapter 4

Prev|Next

A/N:Hello loves! Surprise! I wasn’t really planning for this to come out before the final chapter of my other book but I just had a little inspiration! Before you start to read I would like to thank @persphonesorchid for the beautiful banner! Thank you all for patiently waiting for this chapter! Bye loves I hope y’all enjoy!

Warning: mention of throwing up!

Taglist: @plutoneu @kimmieloveswho @candyworldfantasy @just-vaaalll @scuzmunkie @m1nt-3lla @xxqueenwxtchxx @pearlysnniall @mayla548 @iamscharene @pastel-green

Should you be this nervous to meet people that you would be working with. I mean Yeonjun had made it clear that it was just protocol to meet everyone. He also assured you that you would only be working with the Kings, but something about that didn’t sit right with you either.

As you walked slowly behind Yeonjun you heard yelling behind a door that he was leading you to. You couldn’t quite make out what the person was yelling about but it seemed pretty obvious that they were absolutely livid.

“ Yeonjun umm can we maybe not walk in there right now I already feel my breakfast from this morning making it’s way slowly up my throat and I would hate to have that as everyone’s first impression of me” you let out a nervous chuckle hoping Yeonjun would take pity on you but he only laughed.

“Don’t be silly I’m sure your breakfast will stay in your stomach for the time being and your going to have to get used to the King’s eventually and right now would be a perfect time to start”

You looked at him confused as he opened the massive marble door into what looked like a ballroom. The first thing that came into your line of sight was a group of people that looked like workers standing in front of a terrifyingly angry man with their heads turned down. Now you weren’t the brightest tool in the shed but it didn’t take a genius to be able to tell that the man was one of the seven kings.

If you weren’t so scared you would probably have told Yeonjun how wrong he was about you breakfast staying in your stomach.

As petrified as you were of this mystery man you couldn’t look away, it was like his aura was making you keep your eyes only on him. Yeonjun must have noticed the confusion dancing in your eyes as he confirmed your suspicion.

“That’s Kim Seokjin the first king, he is the oldest and therefore in charge of taking care of things like what foods and decorations will be at the ball that is coming up and other things of that sort” you gave a slight nod, not wanting your voice to somehow break the king off of his yelling streak.

“Now when I come back I expect for everything to be fixed and if it’s not to my expectations well let’s just say that your going to have 6 other kings to deal with, let’s get on it”

He seemed to have composed himself enough to say his final words but his tone held anything but being calm and collected. As he turned around to walk out his eyes landed on you and you swore every bone in your body told you to cower down to this man and that’s exactly what you did, Yeonjun did the same exact thing but he was somehow able to speak.

“Your majesty this is your new personal maid” Yeonjun slightly elbowed your side for you to speak

“Y-your majesty my n-name is Y/N” you said with a bow as your gaze stayed on the floor like it was the most mesmerizing thing you had ever seen in your life.

“Interesting, has she met the others Yeonjun?” he said as his eyes slowly made their way up and down your body like he was studying you then slowly they made their way over to Yeonjun’s.

“No sir we haven’t finished the tour yet” Jin nodded his head in understanding as he looked back over to you.

“I want her in our room in 30 minutes you can finish the tour another time” that was all he said as he made his way out of the door disappearing out of your view.

You began to breath normal again we you couldn’t see him anymore something about his presence didn’t sit well with you but you couldn’t put your finger on it. You just shrugged it off as first day jitters or maybe just the fact that Jin was a very intimidating person.

You looked at Yeonjun waiting for his next move when all of a sudden he grabbed you by your wrist and started dashing toward the door.

“What are you doing?!” you asked confusion lacing your voice

“King Jin said he wanted you in their room in 30 minutes and everyone knows that when he says 30 minutes he really means immediately and we still need to get you out of this attire that you have going on and trained on how to speak to them”

You gasped as you took great offense to his comment about your clothing, your mother had made these clothes for you as a gift for getting this job at the castle and in all honesty she doesn’t really have the money for good fabric. But she made your outfit out of love and that’s all that mattered to you.

“What’s wrong with my clothes” you asked slowly getting agitated.

“Nothing but it’s not appropriate for meeting the King’s, so less talking and more walking we are running on borrowed time here.”

You dropped it knowing that sometimes you have to pick your battles and this one was nothing compared to the battle that you were about to face… but nothing could have prepared you for what was to come.

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piedpiperslists · 2 years

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Seokjin One Shots (XXII)

* s - contains smut

Charming by @hamsterclaw s wc~8k / fake dating Summary: You and Seokjin are in an arrangement of convenience, one that will enable each of you to claim your inheritance in a year. You've got an iron-clad contract, one that takes account of all eventualities, including romance. What could go wrong?

Both Sides by @stellalunatmblr wc~3k / friends to lovers

Easy Does It by @mrworldwideshoulders wc~2.2k / established relationship Summary: Lazy weekends are always the best, and getting to spend a whole lazy Saturday in bed with your boyfriend only makes them even better.

In the Dog House by @btsrunmylife s wc~4.6k / neighbors au Summary: You truly, truly hate your neighbor. He’s loud, distracting, and he spoils your dog. What will happen when you finally confront him???

The Truth Untold by @vminity21 s wc~22.3k / single mom!reader, old friends to lovers Summary: When a job opportunity arises in the hometown you left seven years ago, you return with the gift that was never made known to the one person who hasn’t left your mind. Despite the love interest tugging on your heartstrings, you wonder where he may be; tired of suppressing the guilt for hiding the biggest secret you have ever withheld. Now, after all this time, the truth is approaching much sooner than you anticipate, and the untold story of why you left will soon be revealed.

Wild Side by @mono-moonchilds s wc~4.1k / friends to lovers, idol au Summary: We can't just keep talkin' about it. We think too often about it. We can't just be cautious about it. I wanna get wild. Take me for a ride, boy. Show me your wild side, boy. Know it's been a while, boy. I wanna get wild.

Shush by @mapofthesea s wc~3.5k / ft KTH, PWP

All’s Well That End’s Well by @dreamescapeswriting wc~3.4k / angst, unrequited love, friends au, idol au

Just What I Need by @sailoryooons s wc~4.2k / established relationship, idol au, PWP Summary: After a long, stressful day at work, Jin knows exactly what you need to take your mind off of the stress and somewhere weightless and full of bliss.

So The Drama by @raplinesmoon s wc~18.3k / friends to lovers, Kim Possible au Summary: By day, you look like any other overworked 20-something. By night, you’re an amazing superhero who fights to save the world with your best friend. Caught between the pressures of having a love life and a plot to take over the world, will this summer be a one to remember?

#ksj list #seokjin oneshot

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louisianaspell · 5 months

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BTS December Fic Recs

🔪 Dark fics: These fics/series contain scenes and plots that can be triggering! Please make sure you read all the warnings, tags, and authors note before reading!

🔥 Smut: These fics contain sexual situations, 18+up only!

Sweet as Honey (ao3)

In a time where omegas are increasingly rare, others constantly question your resistance to find a mate. No one seemed to understand that you were content to stay in your comfort zone, focusing solely on your job. However, a series of unexpected events set your quiet world into motion, making you question your outlook on life and on mating bonds (Series Warning: 🔥)

One True Seven + You (ao3)

You’re a fashion photographer who has taken BTS’ pictures since their debut. They have an offer — the seven of them and you, always and forever. But can a relationship of 8 work? (Series Warning: 🔥)

Before I Leave You

Someone always has to leave first; They just didn’t expect Yoongi to come back with a new omega (who’s clearly been through some shit) [Series Warning: 🔥]

Don’t Push Your Luck

You’re asked to present at an important meeting, but of course, your rival has to come along for the ride.

Arduous (ao3)

You lost yourself. But Kim Namjoon helped you... find you again (Series Warning: 🔥)

Break

Seokjin has been at your side for the last few years. He’s your closest friend, and the one person you don’t think you can live without. But what happens when you discover that he might be the source of the curse he’s been trying to help you escape from? (Warning: 🔥)

The Store

For as long as you’ve worked at the upscale grocery store in the northern part of the city, you’ve hated Seokjin. He’s charming and smooth and you’re always fighting for employee of the month. It isn’t until you both show up at a house in the middle of the night that you realize how much you have in common

The Obsidian Pearl

Sailing through The Dead Man’s Passage is a death sentence and the whole crew knows it. But with the ship’s stocks dwindling fast, your captain is left with no other choice. When a haunting melody makes the crew jump ship one by one, you find yourself alone with the demon lurking in the murky red water. As the creature beckons you to jump into the icy ocean – “come to me, pet” – you find that you can’t do anything but obey (Series Warning: 🔪ish, 🔥)

Not Yet (ao3)

Yoongi’s last fan meet video call doesn’t go exactly as expected…(Series Warning: 🔥ish)

Gods of the Dark

Don’t ask for help in the dark. It’s an old tale you always heard whispered among the people of your village. But when you find yourself dragged kicking by the man you’re to marry, you have little choice but to beg for help long after the sun has set. The god who answers your pleas promises to save you, but every deal comes with a price (Series Warning: 🔥)

Golden Arrows

The god Apollo is dared to seduce the first mortal his eyes set upon without revealing his identity, so changing his appearance slightly and taking the name of Hoseok, he crosses paths with you. but as it happens, the only man you say you'd ever lie with is Apollo... also, you're on a quest to steal his golden arrows.

#december 2023 fic rec #december bts fic rec #fic rec #bts fic rec #Kim namjoon fic rec #kim seokjin fic rec #min yoongi fic rec #jung hoseok fic rec #park jimin fic rec #kim taehyung fic rec #jeon jungkook fic rec

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temptaetions · 2 years

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— masterlist.

altair here. this is the masterlist, where i link all my writings. i write for all the groups listed below. there is no posting schedule.

note: i rarely write smut. don’t be surprised if you don’t see much of it, i do prefer my content to be sfw, it just makes me feel better. no shade to anyone at all, smut writers are so freakin’ talented.

[ ✎ - in progress || ♡ - oneshot || ☆ - series || ○ - drabble ]

[✖︎ - smut || ♥︎ - fluff || ♨︎ - angst]

boy groups + soloists

➺ stray kids

↳ bang chan ♡

the few things || ♡ || ♨︎

[2.9k] when he knows you so well, you're like putty for him. when he loves you, when you think he hates you, and everything in between, you're putty for him.

angel eyes || ♡ || ✖︎ + ♥︎ + ♨︎

[21.6k] you’ll think you’re in paradise, and one day you’ll find out he wears a disguise, don’t look too deep…

part of the spellbound secrets collab!

↳ lee minho ♡

not in that way || ♡ || ♥︎ + ♨︎

[2.2k] he says he's sorry, believe him, he loves you...but not in that way.

↳ seo changbin ♡

↳ hwang hyunjin ♡

boys like you || ♡ || ✖︎ + ♥︎ + ♨︎

[8.5k] hwang hyunjin is like a burning fire - dangerous, passionate, and at times, hard to dissipate. you were frozen from within, your exterior only soft to his touch. when you are his polar opposite, it should be easy to melt at his fingertips, shouldn't it?

↳ han jisung ♡

↳ lee felix ♡

↳ kim seungmin ♡

cinnamon sugar || ♡ || ✖︎ + ♥︎ + ♨︎

[6k] her lips taste sweet, like cinnamon sugar...she's such a treat.

↳ yang jeongin ♡

↳ series' & collabs ♡

spellbound secrets (ot8 ; collab) || ✎ ; ☆ || ✖︎ + ♥︎ + ♨︎

[tbd] welcome to the spellbound institute of magic! have a look around, but don’t peer too much — you could end up in a sticky web of secrets, lies, and love.

➺ bangtan

↳ kim namjoon ♡

↳ kim seokjin ♡

↳ min yoongi ♡

↳ jung hoseok ♡

↳ park jimin ♡

↳ kim taehyung ♡

↳ jeon jungkook ♡

↳ series' & collabs ♡

game night (ot7) || ✎ ; ☆ || ✖︎ + ♥︎ + ♨︎

[tbd] there's never just one way to win a game, and foul play isn't always to the disadvantage of the opponent. seven games and plenty of outcomes - game night is always full of fun.

#useraltair #useremme

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dari-ede · 1 year

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Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin: Ch 1

CHAPTER 1: "All I Can Taste is This Moment"

Chapters : 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05(M) | 06(M) | 07

MASTERLIST

Summary: I was living a perfectly, normal, mundane life.... So why in the HELL did Kim Seokjin walk into it and ruin it all for me???

Pairing: Idol!Jin x Female Reader

Rating: M (language and future sexual explicit scene)

Status: Complete

AN: With Jin's birthday around the corner, I had the inspiration to explore this story. The main character is mentioned in my other story, "In the Middle of the Night". In my mind, I already had her and Jin's story made up, so I decided to write a short story centered on them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is not where I wanted to be. This is not where I needed to be. I needed to be at my desk, behind my monitor going over my project that was due tomorrow afternoon. Sure, I had finished it last week and all I had been doing lately was going over it and rehearsing it at least 10x a day, but there was no such thing as too much practice. I wanted to be prepping for tomorrow, not here where I was wasting precious time.

Not here, in this dressing room assisting my younger cousin as she went over different patterns and colors and textures. She was lucky I was such a good cousin and absolutely adored her. She had been given a last-minute opportunity at her job to show herself. If this project went great, then it could open more doors for her.

Because it had been last minute, everyone in her department wasn't answering. There was a bug going around and most were out sick. My cousin really didn't have another choice other than to call me and my sister for help. We came from a family of seamstresses, so we were familiar with the world she worked in.

Long ago I had made the choice to walk a different pathway than my family. I wanted a name for myself. I wanted to establish credibility due to my own personal talent that had nothing to do with my family's tie to fashion. Yet, here I was, helping my cousin at a style fitting that I knew was going to take at least two hours. She had stated it was for a very important figure in her company and had mentioned his name to us—he was some idol from a group that was apparently a big deal. Shame I didn't follow Kpop. My preference for music leaned more toward British rock and pop, so I had no idea who this Kim guy was.

"Be warned, the guy is incredibly handsome. Will probably have you mesmerized," warned my cousin.

My sister laughed. "Be serious." My sister also wasn't into Kpop. She mostly listened to alternative music--even when she was younger. She never knew any of the boy groups her friends were always obsessed over.

"Fine. Don't believe me. But never say I didn't warn you."

My sister and I shared a look and rolled our eyes.

"And you're sure it's not going to take more than two hours," I said with a tone full of irritation.

My cousin sent me a glare. "You've gone over your presentation at least a hundred times by now. How many more practices do you need?"

"At least a hundred more," I snapped back, not missing a beat.

"Unni, you need to give yourself a break," my sister said gently. "It'll do you some good to do something else other than obsess over this project."

"Yeah, like going out, drinking, and having some fun," my cousin muttered as she went over the outfits for the 50th time in the last hour.

I felt offended by this. "I have fun!"

"Not lately, you don't," my cousin accused with a slight pout. "You don't go out for drinks anymore."

A slight bit of guilt crept through me, but I tried to push it down as I gave my reasoning. "What do you want me to do, sachon? I'm incredibly close to a promotion. There is a position getting ready to open and I need to show that I'm capable. I've been working hard and diligent for over a year to get this."

"You've been working there since you graduated from university years ago. They know your loyalty and hard work," my sister tried to reason.

"There is no way they have overlooked how much talent you have as well," my cousin added.

They were trying to be kind and supportive. But in my field, that just wasn't going to be enough. I had tried telling them this in the past, but they never listened.

"You get too stressed out, unni. You've prepared enough for this project. You'll be fine," insisted my sister.

"Yeah, we can go out for drinks later to relieve some of the pressure," my cousin said excitedly.

"No way—" I began.

My cousin and sister immediately began to demand why I would reject their invitation so quickly.

However, before things got too chaotic, the door swung open, and in walked a very tall and dark-haired young man. My manners turned on automatically and I immediately switched to my polite persona. Just as I was getting ready to bow, I noticed the young man bow to us first. My cousin, sister, and I properly greeted the young idol.

My cousin made her way closer to him and introduced us. She made it clear we didn't work for the company and that we were here to help her out. She apologized for her boss being out sick and promised to do her best for him.

He gave her a kind smile. "I'm positive you will do well." He turned to my sister and then me.

The moment we locked eyes, I felt my breath stop in my chest. My heart fluttered and my entire skin began to shiver. He had the most gorgeous face. His dark, brown eyes were a perfectly round shape. His lips were plump and thick. His cheekbones met his jawline at the perfect angle.... Damn, my cousin had been right. This guy was incredibly handsome.

"My name is Seokjin, but everyone calls me Jin," his voice was honey-sweet sounding.

I snapped out of it and gave a bow, giving him my name.

"Pretty name fits the face," he said under his breath. And then a look of shock and embarrassment swept over his face. I had a feeling he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

His compliment sent a blush across my cheeks and at seeing his neck turn a bright red, I turned away and pretended not to see.

I had been called "pretty" a few times in my life. I honestly believed I was an average-looking person. I wasn't tall, I wasn't anywhere near skinny, and my face was very bland. The only ones who had ever called me pretty were my family and friends. A boyfriend or two had said it to me but that was only when I dolled up for dates. Today, I didn't have much makeup on, so I was very taken aback by this guy's—Jin—words.

I wasn't sure if my cousin had heard him or not, but if she had she was doing a good job of pretending she hadn't. She immediately started going over the selected wardrobe and planning which outfits he should be trying on.

Doing my best to stay in the background, I did some prep work away from them. My sister caught my eye once and gave me a teasing smile. Well, she definitely had heard him.

After Jin got into his first fitting, my cousin called me over to make some adjustments.

As I worked on his legs and pinned them to a better length, he asked me what year I was born. He then gave me his year; I was older, but not by much. He went on to ask me more personal questions as he switched outfits. The questions didn't feel intrusive or inappropriate. However, the more we talked, the more I was aware he didn't seem to be asking my cousin or sister as many questions as he was asking me. Of course, he was polite and spoke to them, but it appeared he was zoning in on me for some reason.

Keeping my eyes on him through the full-length mirror in front of us, I asked how comfortable he felt in the outfit he had on. We were near finishing. I had taken no notice we had passed the two-hour mark.

He brought his arms up and moved them around, testing the jacket he had on. "Is there a way to tighten around the shoulders? That's the second money-maker, so I want to be sure to showcase it."

I had gotten accustomed to his light and funny tone already. I could tell he was joking, but serious. For maybe the 100th time with him, I laughed. "What's the first money-maker?" I asked, not being able to help myself.

"My face, of course," he said with seriousness. His eyes met mine through the mirror and my heart did that flutter thing again.

Feeling my face get red—again—I pulled my face away and focused on the task he had asked of me. I tightened the material around his shoulders more.

"What? You don't agree?" he demanded in an almost-whiny tone.

The giggle came out of me.

"Don't you know what they call me?" His head turned towards me, giving me a perfect view of his beautiful profile.

I felt my breath catch in my lungs. "What?" I asked, not being able to help myself. My eyes got pulled into his perfect jawline.

"Worldwide Handsome." His voice was so low and sounded like butter.

My eyes moved north on his face, taking in his striking cheekbones, linear nose, thick eyebrows, and gorgeous round eyes. "I can see why," I breathed out.

A smile tugged at his lips and he cocked an eyebrow, looking quite pleased with something. "It sounds better, right?"

"Better?" I asked, finding myself very lost.

"Than 'Car Door Guy'." He pulled his face away, loosening the control he had over me.

"What?" I asked, completely confused. I shook my head, trying to regain consciousness.

His eyes went wide, and suddenly, that suave persona melted away as he gave the most genuine look of disbelief. "Can you believe that's how they first called me? Look at this face. The most handsome face in all of the country and that's what they wanted to call me?"

The overdramatic theatrics had me laughing again.

"I mean, between that and Third Guy From the Left, I'm not sure which is worse," he went on with a pout.

"What are you talking about?" I asked through my laughter.

"Don't you know? Those are the names they gave me?"

"Who's 'they'?"

"'They', the media of course."

"Why do you say 'of course' as if I should know this?" My stomach was seriously hurting from laughing so much. I wasn't sure how he was making me feel so at ease. I barely knew the guy.

"You should know this. I'm not Worldwide Handsome for no reason. You should know about me," he insisted in a teasing tone.

"Sorry, but I haven't heard anything about 'Worldwide Handsome'."

"Maybe that's because I just came up with it," he said as he laughed at himself.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. So you call yourself that, but no one else does?"

He paused to think and waited a good long moment before he answered. He placed his finger on his chin and gave a facial feature as if he was thinking. "When you say it that way, I think I understand what you mean...." He snapped his fingers as if he fingered out his dilemma. "I got it. I'll start calling myself that in interviews. that way, it picks up." He reached over and gave my shoulder a light touch. "Thank you so much. I owe you all my gratitude." He gave a slight bow.

My laughter had gotten too out of control. I started to clutch my stomach. Jin joined in and let out a weird sound. It only made it harder to breathe.

"Are you laughing at my laugh?" he asked in mock horror.

I could only nod.

In the distance, the sound of the door opening could be heard. Figuring it was either my cousin or sister, I ignored it.

"The members say it sounds like a windshield wiper," he managed to let out.

My feet joined in on the joy and stomped on the ground.

Jin's body was also fully embedded in the comedy. He reached out and gave me a slight shove. I felt my knees give a little and I took a step back. Suddenly, I lost my footing and began to tumble back.

Hands reached out to me and took hold of my arms, but it was too late. I was already falling.

The giggles died off as I felt something hard dig into my lower back. A warm liquid traveled under my leg.

"Noona, are you ok?" Jin's voice sounded alarmed and worried.

Finally, I reacted. "Ow."

"Hyung, let's get her up," said a deep voice.

I looked up to see a fairly tall, good-looking guy on the other side of me. He had eyes that could melt anyone with a simple look. Whoever dared put eyeliner on him should be arrested. He looked damn-near lethal.

The sound of the door opening now made sense. It had been this guy who had walked in.

"What hurts?" asked Jin, his face coming into view. His eyes were wide with worry.

A groan came out of me. "My pride," I said honestly.

The hot guy let out a small chuckle. "Is it ok if we help you up?"

I nodded.

Jin and the hot guy pulled me up with ease. Jin insisted I sit down.

The hot guy gave me a formal greeting. "My name is Taehyung."

I greeted him back and gave him my name. "Nice to meet you."

"I wish it was in better circumstances," he said with a smile that looked almost predatory.

A blush crept along my neck.

"Back up, Taehyung," Jin's voice sounded snappy and chilly. Nothing like he had sounded before.

Taehyung giggled, his smile turning boxy and boyish. "I'm sorry, am I overstepping?"

Jin rolled his eyes and pushed Taehyung back as he kneeled down. "I am so sorry, noona. Are you ok?" His face was still concerned.

I gave another nod. But he didn't look convinced.

I was about to answer him verbally, but another voice pulled our attention.

"Unni..." the voice sounded alarmed.

We all turned to the voice, which had come from the location I had fallen. And I saw why my sister sounded so concerned.

I had landed on my bag. My bag which contained my laptop. My bag which had been located next to my coffee. The liquid had not only spilled underneath me, but had managed to spill inside my bag. My laptop was now drenched in coffee. Ruined. My project. My promotion. My job!

My eyes slowly met Kim Seokjin's. He looked like a lamb about to get slaughtered.

Korea and the world might be fully in love with Kim Seokjin.

But I hated him.

Hated him for making me laugh.

----------------

MASTERLIST

Chapters : 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05(M) | 06(M) | 07

#bts fanfic #kim seokjin #jin fic #jin x reader #jin x oc #fluff #romance #idol!Jin #romantic #lovelife #crushes #idol!jin #idol!kim seokjin #jin x ofc #kim taehyung #bts v #idol!v #idol! kim taehyung #Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin

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kshshgill · 1 year

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"From Nobodies to Legends"

"Once you enter this fandom , their is No exit " :-

2010 , when a group was formed and stepped in music industry with thier first debut song " NO MORE DREAMS " in 2013 , with big dreams in their eyes and saved their company from being bank erupt . But didn't knew if they will succeed or not ? Group consist of seven members :-

1 . Kim Namjoon ( stage name RM ) :-

leader of the group and the only person who speak Korean and English both . Learnt English by watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S . He wanted to be a song writer , producer and a Rapper but his mother broke his computer so he can focus on studies . He was asked if want to go for solo career or with the Group ? Without hesitating , he bravely choosed the group . Now he is all ,he wanted to be . Before this he was an Undergraund rapper .

Because he was the only one who knew English , so the haters use to send Hate messages in English to rest of the members but he use to translate them in Korean positive messages for them so that they can keep on working .

2. Kim SeokJin ( stage name JIN ) :-

His mother always use to listen their friends praising their sons and didn't even say a single word of praise for him and compared to his elder brother , who was a student president of the school . So he wanted to make his parents proud of his achievements. He worked hard spending restless nights perfecting his dance routines .

He binds the group together . As a younger brother he was ushered into unfamiliar surroundings , and had to become the bigger brother for six strangers , and make them his family . He worked hard on his vocals and dancing skills yet many people called him talentless .

3. Min Yoongi ( stage name Suga ) :-

The one who had to choose between food and catching bus as his financial condition was not good . He use to do several odd jobs , so he could afford his school fees and survival . His parents wanted him to get a stable job of civil servant . Times were tough as Suga sought work in a recording studio in school . He did the job of food delivery boy and once got injured his shoulder in an accident and he lied to the members that he had fallen down the stairs .

Also he recalled his trainee days in his songs and spoke about how he use to feel during all these struggles + he spoke about his anger , frustration , depression in his songs . Now he is a song writer , Rapper , composer and producer .

4 . Hung HoSeok ( stage name J-Hope ) :-

He auditioned as he wanted to make his father proud of him . Seemed to always laugh but never felt as an accomplishment to his father . He learnt how to rap because Taehyung wanted to be a vocalist.

He was harshly criticized for his visuals saying he didn't look good . people wanted Him and RM to leave the group . He almost left but came back as he can't stand seeing Jungkook crying . He himself said that " He himself trusted the members enough to believe they were all gonna be OK together " and he was not wrong . Now he is a Rapper , Dancer , and song writer too .

5. Park Jimin ( stage name JIMIN ) :-

People use to call him Fat , before he joined the group . During starting era , once he practiced that much that as result he started bleeding from nose . People use to make fun of him . He worked hard to look good and proove everyone wrong and chased his dream . Now he is a Vocalist.

6 . Kim Taehyung ( stage name V ) :-

He grew up very poor , and he lived with his grandma for 14 years . His grandma wanted to be see him on T.V . His parents fully supported his love for music and art and wanted him to pursue his dreams . But , still he was bullied .

7. Jeon Jungkook ( stage name Jungkook ) :-

He is the youngest member of the group . Singer , song writer and Vocalist of the group . He initially had a dream of becoming a Badminton player when he was younger , but after seeing " G-Dragon " perform " Heartbreaker " on T.V . It influenced him to want to becoma a singer .

He joined BIGHIT ENTERTAINMENT after seeing RM . It hurt him watching other members cry .

People use to laugh at their names during starting years . They went on streets inviting people to watch their free concert . They received a lot of Hate , Criticism , Plagiarism , Death threats and so on . They almost disband . These hardest times lead them to the most beautiful time .

They were worried about their future . This the problem most teens have , so they spoke out for people like them . They were symbol of youth .

They spoke about Mental health issues , coming of age lose , school teen life , stress , anxiety , Journey towards self-love , Individualism and so on in their songs .

Their Journey towards the Top taught us that THERE IS NO SUCCESS WITHOUT HARDSHIP.

7 YEARS LATER

Their hard work paid them off ,

32 fans turned into Millions of ARMY and counting . Performing in front of Shinning , Shivering Purple ocean

Their concert tickets being sold out within minutes .

They have come so far that the only chance to see them is to go to their concert . Or ( Never ) meet them along the streets . With 0.01% chances .

16/9/11 the won Melon Music awards

16/ 12 / 02 they won MAMA Artist of the year

Secured position in Billboard 200 and Billboard hot 100 .

Became International sensation .

Global Artist

2017 Won Teen choice awards and American Music awards .

2018 and 2021 they delivered speech in UNICEF meeting on Global issues .

and in 2020 their single " Dynamite " broke all the records and they got Nominated for Grammy .

This is how they become world's biggest boy band BTS......

Do subscribe to my youtube channel The Vlog Shop for more information .

#btsforever

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riaarivic · 1 year

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HATE 4: Fire Meets Gasoline(M) I MYG x F!reader

🌙 Pairings YoongixReader

🌙 Genres Mafia!AU, Smut, Angst, Action, Thriller, Enemies to lovers

🌙 Rating 18+ minors DNI

And Traitors won’t have the mercy of a quick death

🌙 Warnings For this chapter: mentions of death, drugs and vioence, foul language, drug use, yoongi is a tease and I'm putting it as a warning.

🌙 Chapter wordcount 5.3k (yikes)

🌙 Series Index

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

🌙 HATE 4: Fire meets Gasoline 🌙

"There's two of us, we're certain with desire. The pleasure's pain and fire. Burn me"

“Traitors do not deserve the mercy of a quick death” the voice of the Clan’s Head resounded in the meeting room of The Seven Moons “That is the most important code you should know. Dear Nari”

“You break a promise, you lose a finger” J-Hope continued with a smile looking at you, amused as if he had just made a joke.

“The word of the Leader is the law. If he says jump, you jump. If he says you have to rob a bank you go and rob a bank. If he says that you die, then... you die.” Taehyung followed the thread with a bored expression you realized he only wore when you were in the room. All his looks said what he was thinking. He should be out on the streets doing his job by now, not tutoring some stuck up girl.

“Don't sleep with your brothers' wives... unless they invite you.” Jimin giving you a flirty wonk and earning a disapproving grunt from his brothers, except one...

Suga was amused at how uncomfortable you looked.

“Anyway” The Clan’s Head spoke again commanding attention “Dear Nari, you will learn more about our codes as time goes by. However, it is important that you begin to know our clan from the inside. So today, you will start with the most basic. I heard you're not afraid of blood or weapons, is that right?”

Before answering the Head, you looked at Namjoon narrowing your eyes for a second.

Snitches get stitches Kim Namjoon

“Eh... it's true, I'm not afraid of blood or weapons” you answered uneasy feeling all the attention in the room fall on you.

A few sets of eyes loved to see you biting your lips

“Marvelous! So this morning you will spend time in the training dojo with Jungkook. It is important that you know how to defend yourself well and I hope that the rest will be there today to accompany you. A bit of exercise will do good for some of you”

You noticed something about Kim DoHan, The Clan’s Head. He always called them by their real name. All But one, the same exact man who INTERPOL couldn’t find any note or trace of his existence.

Maybe that was the reason they also called him the shadow. You thought

“Father! I can't waste any more time today, Namjoon and I have an investor meeting. Also... “ Jin started a sentence but his father raised his hand and he went instantly quiet.

“Do I have to repeat myself? I hope not, Seokjin. As the eldest I expect more from you, it is you who sets the example for your brothers and I remind you, you are a member of this clan before anything else. I didn't think it was necessary to remind you at your age, but we can always resort to the usual punishments for contradicting your Leader” Jin swallowed his own words.

“No, father. Forgive me” he replied. The Clan Leader knowing his word was final, rose from his seat to leave and his shadow followed right behind.

Apparently the word all did not include Suga.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Training dojo, Mansion of the Seven Moons, outskirts of Seoul, South Korea.

“Good! I think after stretching we'll all be ready to go. Princess Nari, do you think you can train in those Louboutins? You look beautiful in them, but I don't think they will be very practical” you were no longer surprised by the attitude of the clan’s henchman, Jhope was undoubtedly the personification of the sun's rays.

So much joy overwhelmed you.

“Eh... I didn't bring sportswear in my luggage, I haven't had a chance to buy either” you shrugged your shoulders, looking at your outfit. To be honest, kicking ass in heels and a miniskirt wasn't one of your favorite things.

But you’ve certainly done it before.

The only thing was that you really didn't want to show them your underwear while doing it.

It also had happened before

“There is a solution for everything, princess. Everything except death. I think Jimin could lend you some clothes. I'm sure they're the same size” Jhope looked at his younger brother next to him

“Hey! Who the hell are you saying is the same size as her?” Jimin stood up in front of his brother puffing his chest.

“You're right Jimin-hyung, Miss Nari is a little taller than you” now all the other brothers joined in laughing at Jungkook’s joke.

Jimin turned to push the youngest of his brothers and they both began to punch each other playfully.

Are these the most feared criminals in Asia? They look like a group of teenagers. You couldn’t help but think

“You can use my clothes... little flower” said a voice from the entrance of the dojo. You didn't have to see his face to know who he was “After all, it would look perfect on you too” The rest of the room stopped laughing to look at the newcomer. Jimin and Jungkook stood up off the floor, with the blonde grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

What is he doing here?

“t's fixed then! Princess Nari, go change. Suga will give you some of his clothes” after a few seconds of awkward silence, Jhope exclaimed, patting his hands happily. Truly, this man's optimism was endless.

“I don't think it's correct…”

“No, no. Namjoon, the princess doesn't have training clothes. Suga-hyung can lend it to her for now. Later you can take her shopping. Not another word, it has been said, case closed” Jhope pushed you towards the changing rooms so you could change her clothes.

When you were done changing, the seven Moons were already in pairs doing combat exercises.

The atmosphere between the brothers had become more serious and you could see each one of them fighting with a very particular style.

Jimin looked like he was dancing instead of fighting, his every move was graceful. You could see how his expressions changed from a scowl to an arrogant smile every time he managed to land a punch on Taehyun and the taller one dodged with difficulty.

Although Jimin was faster, Taehyun was stronger. If the shorter one hit him, he would take a few steps back. It was a very even fight, you could tell that each one knew the other's movements perfectly.

Almost to the point where they could predict the next one.

Jin was facing Jungkook, the older against the younger.

JK was pure physical strength. He fought to win and he always, always did. Dry, accurate and aggressive blows. He reminded you a lot of Emmet, your field partner who had been left behind at Interpol headquarters. They both fought like tigers, straight for the prey.

But the eldest of The Seven Moons was not really a fan of physical. Jin liked to fight dirty, he knew how to play very well with his opponents' minds and he always used that to his advantage.

“What's wrong kookie? You are slowing down. Are you nervous to be in front of a pretty girl today, boy? You are a little softie today” Jin was smiling but you could see through his expression. It was all a front to make JK put down his guard

"I know Kookie, she’s a beauty, right? Who knows maybe you’ll end up engaged to her." the boys roared at the oldest last comment.

And you could almost swear Jin winked at you before he punched his brother again. Only to receive a full blow to the face right after

JK’s movements were quick. But you didn't miss the slight blush that spread on the boy's cheeks.

The two kept fighting and you could hear a groan of pain as JK landed another punch to Jin's jaw.

Ouch

But without a doubt, the best fight award was for the one between Suga and Namjoon. The difference in sizes might make you think that the scale would lean towards the tallest one, but they were much more even than everyone else.

Namjoon was a mountain of muscle, strong and hunky that you could see perfectly now that he had removed his designer jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves. Beneath all the expensive fabric lay his tattooed arms with hardly any room for more ink.

The Second in command fought with the techniques of the expensive martial arts academies in Seoul, which he had attended, he looked like a professional athlete. Every blow he managed to land, left Suga a little unfocused.

That, if he could do it.

The black-haired man might be smaller in size. But he was much faster and more aggressive. Suga fought to kill. There were no middle terms or truce.

He fought like someone who had grown up fighting to survive, he fought like the fighters on the streets.

It was a showdown worth seeing and you could tell from miles away that between the right hand and the shadow there was something much more than a sibling rivalry...

There was resentment.

You could even say

Hate.

And there was no denying, they were brutal.

Not bad for a bunch of useless gangsters.

“Ok princess, you will fight me first. I'm going to teach you some tricks. Let's see, hit me as hard as you can” Jhope caught your attention as he took you to the side of the dojo away from the other fights.

Oh, pretty boy. You really don't want me to hit you

“Come on, don't be afraid. You're not going to hurt me” The young gangster told you, giving you a kind smile. You sighed and raised your right arm, ready to hit him. The man quickly deflected you by grabbing your elbow and knocking you off balance with his knee.

With a strong blow your back made contact with the floor, everyone else in the room stopped what they were doing to see you.

Some laughed a little, others looked at you with pity. It was obvious to them that Jhope would dominate you in combat. Yes, JK was the clan’s combat trainer and a great fighter. But when it really came to hand in hand combat. The brunette could take them all… at once.

Jhope might be the friendliest of all the brothers, but all of that disappeared the moment he started fighting. He was fast, strong and definitely the most complete fighter of them all.

You remembered at that moment reading on his file that he grew up on the streets of Gwangju. Fighting on the illegal rings, sometimes for money, sometimes for drugs but most of the times for fun.

He was a legend.

But you were annoyed by his mocking look, as if it amused him to see you in such a helpless way.

Watch and learn, you dick.

“Let’s do it from the top. It’s all right” JHope extended his hand and you saw it as the perfect opportunity.

You took his wrist with your hands and locked his arm with your legs. He fell instantly to the floor. In his state of shock, you took the opportunity to throw out the knife that he had hidden in one of his pants pockets.

JHope tried to get on top of you. But the moment he did, he realized that you were holding his gun to the side of his forehead and his other knife pressed against his neck.

With another quick movement you released the magazine from JHope's gun. Wriggling out of his grasp and grabbing the other arm from his ankle before he did.

This time, you aimed at the middle of his eyebrows. He couldn't do much to defend himself in that position.

But he was sure you wouldn't shoot him.

Right?

You had pinned him completely unable to move. Everything happened so fast any of them could see you coming. Jhope smiled at you and put his hands up. He had lowered his guard and you had taken him by surprise, that made things much more interesting.

“Shit “ You weren’t sure if the voice was Taehyun's “If She can take Hobi.... “

Fuck I should not have done that...

“She can take all of us... “ Jimin finished his brother's sentence

The eyes of all the moons rested on you “Damn little flower, who would have guessed you were a fighter” Suga spoke, looking into your eyes

“Now Fight me”

I definitely shouldn't have done that...

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Going upstairs to give Suga his clothes back sounded like an amazing idea 10 minutes ago…

Before you got lost walking across the dark halls of the Seven Moons Mansion.

All this fucking ganster money and you couldn’t put a couple more lightbulbs?

You kept walking trying not to remember the embarrassment of having to ask Jimin where Suga's bedroom was.

“Pretty noona, Do you Like my brother?” He said with an amused smile when you said you wanted to personally give his clothes back to him “Well don’t tell Namjoon that I told you. It is on the second floor, take those stairs and walk to the end of the hall. His door is always open… unless he is busy”

Now you were infront of his door and Jimin was right it was open.

There was almost nothing on that room. It felt like it belonged to nobody, maybe he didn't spend time there.

Too busy commiting crimes.

He was sitting on an armchair looking through the window. It reminded you of yesterday when you saw him for the first time in the kitchen.

When nobody was looking The Shadow had an expression that couldn't be something else but sadness.

But why? you thought

After a few seconds you knocked on his door “Hey, sorry I came to give back your clothes. I'm going to leave them here, on this table is it ok?”

He turned to see you and gave you a smug smile while he stood up from where he was sitting. He walked slowly across the room to be right in front of you.

"Oh, Little flower" he said in a low voice, he didn't expect to see you but damn the devil, how he wanted to "haven't they told you that it's not appropriate for a lady like you to come knocking on a man's door this late at night"

He had that shit eating grin on his face again.

And at that point you weren't really sure if you wanted to punch him right in the face...

Or kiss him.

”I came to give back your clothes” you said, looking into his eyes “And I did. So I'm leaving, clearly you're busy”

”Oh, I might not be as refined as the rest of my brothers. But I am a gentleman. For you, I have all the time in the world, flower. You still don’t smoke?”

”No, I don't. I told you” He was looking at you with the feline expression of a cat that is playing with its prey ”You did, but I would be using it as an excuse to have a minute of your company “ You were surprised by his words. Why was he so insistent on spending time with you?

Being inches away from that man sent all your nerves to short circuit.

But you were too proud to let it show.

And most importantly…

you were on a mission.

But maybe, this could be a great opportunity to get some information out of him.

Definitely not an excuse to be alone with him

“And spending time with you in your room at this time of night is okay? I mean… for a lady like me” You raised an eyebrow and he laughed.

He raised his hand and gently put his thumb under your chin “Oh flower. I don’t kiss and tell. Do you?”

“I don’t” you answered

Then he got closer to the shell of your ear to whisper in a husky voice “Then tell me why a pretty girl like you is carrying a gun like this” You were so distracted by his touch that you didn’t realize he took your gun from its holster on your thigh. His black eyes that looked so inviting a few seconds ago now looked like the dark waters of the Han river that run below the house.

And you were sure, he was about to drown you in them.

So you had to make a decision...

Fight

Run

Kiss him

And all of them sounded completely right at this point.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

HanYong Bath House, Itaewon, Seoul South Korea

Standing in front of a pool of red-painted water was the second in command of The Seven Moons.

The bloody corpses of 10 men floated in it

They were from an ally clan.

None of them saw it coming...

Kim DoHan had been their partner for decades and they had watched Namjoon grow up. They always saw him as the next Leader, the successor to his father.

That's why when the young gangster took off his designer clothes to get into the pool, no one really payed attention to what was on his back

The moment those 10 men saw the tattoo...

It was too late.

The ink on the broad back of the Second in command was a death sentence for them.

A death sentence for his clan.

Even for himself.

The young man had an empty expression, as if there was no soul inside his body.

Inside that Bath house in Itaewon

There were the bloody corpses of 10 men inside of a pool

And a young gangster

With his hands stained with blood

And a tattoo of a dragon with a jade sphere in its mouth.

The symbol of the Chinese triads.

His father's enemy clan.

The same one that he had annihilated during the gang war, 20 years ago.

Or so everyone thought.

They have returned to take revenge.

From the hand of his own son.

You and Kim Namjoon had something in common.

You were both traitors...

And traitors do not deserve the mercy of a quick death.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

It's me again!! Hi hello!!

I'm really sorry I haven't been posting as much.

Life has been... intense lately and I had to take a time of to really recover from everything.

Also, I really want to thank all the people who had liked and reblogged all the chapters. I really really appreciate it.

Ps. if you want to be on the next chapter's tag list: comment below or send me an ask!!

Love,

Ria

Tag list: @allamericanuniverse (btw, thank you)

#bts yoongi #bts smut #bts mafia au #bts mafia series #mafia au #yoongi #bts fanfic #bts #bts au #series #enemies to lovers #yoongi smut #bts suga #bts imagines #pop music

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army-author · 2 years

Text

yoongi scenario | white lily support group

❝ the death of your soulmate has left a white lily etched on your chest forever, reminding you of all you would rather forget. as christmas approaches, your friend encourages you to join a support group for people who have lost their soulmate, hoping it will help you recover. it’s there that you meet a man from your past, a man who is also struggling with the death of his soulmate, his body covered in flowers from the pain his past lover suffered... ❞

➸ prompt: it’s my first christmas after a tragedy… i don’t know if i can do this…

➸ pairing: yoongi x female reader; past seokjin x female reader

➸ warnings: discussions of death and injury; profanity; mentions of miscarriage, depression, and suicide

➸ requested by anon | 21.5k words | angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, soulmate au

➸ author’s note: this soulmate au was inspired by a prompt i found a while ago that seems to have been deleted since. i cannot take credit for this idea. the original post was by @amoux-da-wolf, but that blog doesn’t appear to exist anymore... i hope you enjoy this peice. it’s been on my mind for a long time, but i never quite felt ready to write it because i was worried i wouldn’t be able to do it justice. i’m still not sure if i got this fic exactly how i wanted, but hopefully you enjoy it~

The memories are the toughest part of losing him.

Even when he’s gone, there are threads that cling, wisps of recollection that stay with you, stuck to you like lint to clothing. No matter how much you pick away, try to remove, try to forget, still they remain, haunting.

The tattoos make the memories all the more bitter.

They stay on your body, inked below the surface, refusing to budge even after his parting. You hate the sight of the ink, can barely muster the vision of your own naked body.

On your chest, over your heart, there is a white lily tattoo embedded under your skin – the mark of a dead soulmate.

When you first started getting the tattoos, you found them beautiful, despite the pain that they suggested – they were transient, a brief note of an injury, when, somewhere else far away, your soulmate had hurt himself. There were bluebells for bruises, red roses for cuts. Each tattoo told a story of your soulmate living his life, somewhere on the horizon of your future. There was pink hollyhock on your knees when your soulmate grazed himself, falling off his bike as he learnt to ride. There were rose petals around your fingers when he cut himself on a knife while learning to cook. All of these tattoos promised of a life beyond your own, of someone linked to you through a shared connection – one half of a full soul.

It wasn’t until your last year of high school that you found him.

You were at a school baseball game, cheering on your friend, when a bad pitch had ended up with you getting smacked on the forehead by the ball. You were taken to the nurse’s office for an ice pack, the guilty pitcher from the rival school following after you, spilling apologies. As a nasty bruise developed on your forehead while you sat in the nurse’s office, you saw a bluebell tattoo developing behind his locks of ink black hair to match.

Lost for words, you had simply pointed at him, at the tattoo on his forehead, until it clicked for him as well.

From that point on, he was yours and you were his. Kim Seokjin – your soulmate.

You called that throw his lucky pitch, because it led him to you.

Seven years on, past university, your wedding, your new house, your first jobs, it all ground to a halt with a late night call while you stayed up, waiting for him to come home. You heard a doctor’s voice on the end of the line, administering calm words that you couldn’t comprehend. Very sorry… accident… did all we could… It all melded into an incomprehensible stream of noise. You didn’t need to understand what the doctor was saying. You already knew. The white lily tattoo on your chest told you enough.

White lilies for death.

Just like that, he was gone. No warning. That morning, you had been planning what to cook him for dinner when he got home from work. That evening, you were alone.

You wonder if there’s any option to move on from here. You only get one soulmate. One choice, and then they’re gone, pulled from your arms. There’s nothing left beyond that.

The white lily on your chest won’t fade like the other tattoos. Unlike a bruise or a cut, there’s no healing from death.

As the seasons pass, and the trees turn green, then orange and red, before finally shedding the weight of their leaves, you are still haunted by his death. Months later, the pain is as raw as that first night, when you fell to the floor, phone still in hand with the doctor on the line, while your whole world shattered around you.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

“I’m still worried about you.” Your friend, Hana, is sitting in your living room, contorting her brows into a concerned frown, as she gazes at you over her cup of tea.

She’s here for her almost daily visit, trying to make you feel better, and yet, making you feel all the worse with her kindness. Ever since you lost Jin, Hana’s been a constant in your life, making sure to find time to spend with you, concocting plans to meet up, because, as she says: “Sometimes it just helps to have something to look forward to.”

“Why, do I seem so bad today?” you ask her, nestling your own cup of tea in your hands.

Hana is silent for a second as she considers. “You just seem down today, more so than usual. You can talk about it if you need.”

You stare down at your mug of tea. “It’s just difficult for me this time of year,” you admit. “Now that it’s December, all these happy memories from last year keep surfacing, and I don’t know how to handle them, knowing I’ll never be able to repeat them. This will be the first Christmas I spend without him.” Your voice wobbles as you finish.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry,” you can hear the concern laced in Hana’s tone, and you suddenly feel bad for making her worry so much.

“It’s okay,” you look up at her, swallowing the lump in your throat, “I’ve survived so far. I can make it through this as well.”

“You don’t have to do it alone though,” Hana says. From the tone of her voice, you already know what she’s going to say next. “You know, there are support groups out there for people like you. I really think it would help if you joined one.”

“Hana...” you begin.

She holds up a hand to stop you. “I already know… You don’t think it’ll help. But you never know. My mum really seemed to benefit from a support group after dad passed away.” She digs in her handbag, pulling out a flyer, which she sets on your coffee table. You can see the words ‘White Lily Support Group’ printed on the front. “This one’s super close by. You can go once, and if you really hate it, you don’t have to go back.”

“Most people in the group are going to be pensioners who’ve lost their soulmates to old age,” you object, “I’ll feel out of place.”

“You’d be surprised,” Hana says, “Please, just consider it for me, okay?”

You look at the flyer, then back to her. “Alright,” you relent, picking up the leaflet and pretending to skim it.

Hana offers you a smile, “Thank you.”

As you flip the flyer over to study the map on the back, she finishes off her tea, and sets her mug down. “I need to be heading off now,” she announces, “But it was lovely to see you. I was thinking we should go and check out that new cafe in town over the weekend. One of my co-workers told me that they do a lovely brunch.”

“That sounds nice,” you say, looking up from the flyer to smile at her.

As she stands to go, the sleeve of her shirt rides up, exposing a cluster of bluebells below the cuff. She pulls her sleeve down again quickly. You feel a twitch of envy in your stomach at the small signal that her soulmate is still alive out there somewhere. She still has a future to look froward to.

Once you’ve waved her on her way, and closed the door behind her again, silence descends on your house. You struggle to get used to it. After university, you had immediately moved in with Jin, so you’ve never properly lived on your own. There’s something eery about an empty house. You feel like a ghost, haunting the silent rooms, unable to move on.

You heave yourself back to the living room. The space feels desolate without the Christmas tree brightening the corner, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to put up decorations this year. Each decoration has a memory attached – like the Eiffel tower decoration that you bought on your honeymoon in Paris, or the dog-shaped decoration that Jin’s mother had crotched for you as a gift when you first got together with her son. You don’t need another reminder of all you lost in the shape of a fir tree, dripping with nostalgia and fairy lights.

Sinking into the sofa, you try to ignore the bright lights shining through your curtains from your neighbours’ cheery houses, crowned with lights and tinsel. Hoping for a distraction, you flick on the TV, welcoming the glare of colour and the blaring theme tune of another re-run of a quiz show. By now, you know the answer for every question asked on this show. You’ve seen each episode so many times, leaving the TV running all day just to make it feel like someone else is in the house.

As you settle down into your new habit, murmuring the right answer, as the contestant blurts out the wrong one, your eyes drift down to the flyer Hana left for you.

It’s a silly idea, you’re sure of that. Yet, you cannot forget the worried expression on Hana’s face earlier today. You don’t want her to keep feeling bad for you. Maybe it would be worth going to one meeting – just to make her happy. Slowly, despite your misgivings, you relent to the idea as the quiz show flashes in the background.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

Leaving the house on your own is odd.

You’ve been cooped up in your own space for the past month, trying to avoid any reminder of the holiday season. The only times you leave now are for necessary shopping trips, or to meet with Hana when she drags you out on an excursion because she insists it will be good for you.

As you had feared, as you take the bus towards the city centre, the Christmas spirit is forcibly shoved down your throat with bright lights strung from street lamps, and advertisements emblazoned on every storefront, promising to provide the perfect gift for your loved ones.

Yet, you had promised Hana that you would give the White Lily Support Group a chance, and she had been so happy to hear this, squeaking eager encouragements over the phone to you.

As the bus rattles to a halt, you step off onto the curb, heading for the city centre. You’ve got the flyer clutched in your hands, checking the map sporadically to make sure you’ve got it right. The flyer shouts out that meetings are held every Saturday evening at the church at the bottom of the high-street. Yet, you are still second-guessing yourself as you pause on the curb. In front of you, the church’s spire towers tall, black gates yawning, uninviting. Behind you, the lights of the high-street twinkle in the frosty evening air. The navy sky shifts to black with the backlight of orange street lamps. You could just lie to Hana – tell her that you visited, and didn’t like it, and you’re not going again, all without actually stepping foot in that church. Then you can make her happy, while not having to suffer the embarrassment of going inside tonight.

You’re considering bolting, and taking the bus straight back home, when you hear a voice behind you:

“Hello there, are you here for the White Lily Support Group?”

You turn around to find a middle-aged woman standing behind you with a kind smile on her face.

“Yep,” you answer. There’s no getting out of this now.

“Oh good,” she smiles, “I’ll show you where the meeting room is. This old church can be a bit of a maze.”

She pushes the gate open further for you, and you follow her down the path to the large doors of the church. Heaving them open, you are greeted by the musty smell of wood, cloth, and week-old flowers. The scent reminds you of being forced to sit through Christmas carol services as a young child.

The lady leads you up a winding set of steps, chatting all the while about the weather. The stairs are made of uneven stone, and you find yourself gripping tightly to the banister while you slowly make your way up.

Reaching the top of the staircase, the lady leads you to one of the side rooms. After the dim lights of the stairwell, you find yourself blinking in the glare of the artificial light cast from the bulb that shines in the meeting room. A couple of chairs have been pulled into a circle, with a table set at the back, laid out with paper cups for tea and coffee, and a plate piled high with tray bakes.

At least you’ll get some snacks out of this, even if the rest of it is pointless.

“What did you say your name was by the way?” the middle-aged lady asks, as she leads you over to the snack table.

You give your name and she smiles, “Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Joyce. I can introduce you to the others here as well. They’re all lovely. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.” She picks up the pot of tea, and begins to pour herself a cup. “Would you like one?”

“I’ll have a coffee please,” you say, and she nods, pouring out the steaming liquid. As you stand by the table, a few other members of the support group meander over to introduce themselves.

Looking around, you realise that a lot of the people there are much younger than you would have expected – some of them can only be in their thirties. You’re introduced to a cheerful, chubby man who calls himself Max, and a spindly woman by the name of Wilma, who keeps nervously fiddling with the rim of her cup of tea, without actually drinking any.

“I must say,” Joyce continues chatting, “I was surprised to see someone as young as you show up.” She shakes her head, looking down at the cup of tea in her hands, “It’s sad when people your age loose their soulmate. It seems too early.”

You wince, taking a sip of coffee, too hot on your tongue. Almost, but not quite, you had forgotten the real reason that you were here, exchanging small chat with people you didn’t know. Now Joyce has cast the real justification for you being here in a stark light, all while you want to keep ignoring it. Looking around, you’re suddenly, horribly aware that all the people in this room have a different story of loss weighing them down, and a white lily tattooed on their chests.

“Yeah,” Max chips in, “It’s always sad to see.” His normally cheerful face falls into a frown. “You might be the youngest member in our group.”

“Maybe… How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” Joyce enquires.

“I’m twenty-five,” you say.

Sympathy glimmers in Joyce’s eyes. “That’s so young. Oh, you poor thing.”

“Yeah...” you say, suddenly feeling awkward.

“There was one other guy around that age,” Wilma speaks up, her voice faint, “He hasn’t shown up in a while though.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Joyce says, “That poor boy. I hope he’s doing okay. He never really said anything in any meetings, but you could tell he had a lot of hurt weighing down on him.”

As she speaks, the door of the meeting room opens, and the group you’re standing with falls silent.

Your eyes drift over to see who’s walked in, and are met with a man who appears to be around your age, with black hair falling across his forehead to catch in his eyelashes. His dark eyes survey the room, catching your own, before he moves across to the table, and takes a cup of coffee without a word.

There’s something familiar about him, but you can’t quite pin it down, until Joyce speaks up:

“Yoongi, it’s good to see you again. We were just wondering how you were doing.”

You brain suddenly kicks into gear, and you remember that there was a boy in the year above in high school with that name. You hadn’t had much interaction with him, besides occasionally running into him outside of your music class, where he would chat with you and your friends about the topics you were studying, and would occasionally chip in to tell you the right answer while you scrambled to finish your homework before class. Now, you find yourself analysing this man. Is it the same person you knew all those years ago, or is it just a coincidence that he has the same name? He looks similar, yet the years have harshened the soft face you remember, with shadows below his eyes, and a firmness to his mouth that you don’t recognise. As he looks up, eyeing you, you’re certain that this is the same person. His obsidian eyes are the same; you couldn't forget those.

Yoongi takes a sip of his coffee, eyeing Joyce, as he shrugs, “Yeah, I’ve been okay.”

“Good to hear,” Joyce says, smiling.

You’re still reeling at seeing Yoongi again after so long. Back when you knew him, just before you met Jin, a small part of you had thought it would be nice to have Yoongi as a soulmate. Of course, you knew that was impossible. Even back then, Yoongi had already found his soulmate – a pretty girl in his year group called Ari, who you would often see by his side around school. It wasn’t a proper crush that you had on him, just a passing attraction that you would occasionally find yourself subject to when met with a nice face, and a kind personality. Back before you met Jin, you found yourself falling in love easily, but the feelings never lasted long.

Now, seeing Yoongi, you can’t help but feel sad, knowing that the girl you’d seen him with at school is now gone – a shock in your gut, knowing someone from your school is dead, knowing that there there was a life, one that you had existed on the edge of, that had simply ended.

“It’s good to see you back, Yoongi,” Max says.

Yoongi presses his lips together, “Yeah, my friends didn’t give me much of a choice in coming.”

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” Joyce smiles, “You get to meet our newest addition.” She waves to you, giving your name to Yoongi.

Yoongi gives a careful smile in your direction, “I believe we already know each other. North Pine High School right? You took Mrs. Garcia’s music class after me, didn’t you?”

You nod, pleasantly surprised that he remembers you. Despite yourself, a small seed of the old admiration you felt for him is rooting itself in your stomach. You try to squash those feelings down. It doesn’t feel right to get these emotions now - not when you’re mourning, not when you’re still in love with the man you’ve lost.

“Oh, so you know each other?” Joyce asks, “Wow, what a small world.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, “We went to the same school.”

At that moment, a woman steps into the room, an air of authority beaming around her. “Good evening my lovelies,” she smiles, “Let’s all gather around and we’ll begin the meeting.”

You assume that this must be the group leader as she takes a seat on one of the chairs in the circle. Following the other members, you take a seat as well. The chairs are hard plastic, uncomfortable; they remind you of the chairs they had at school. You find yourself sat between Yoongi and Wilma, as the group leader smiles around her.

“It’s nice to see you all here today,” she says, “I see a new face here, so why don’t we all just go around the circle and say our names. I’ll go first. I’m Anita.”

As you listen to each member give their name, you feel as if you’ve been sent back to school, forced to participate in awkward ice-breakers. When the group comes fill circle, Anita continues, “Now that we’ve all greeted each other, why don’t we delve a little bit further into our feelings. While we’re all united together by out white lilies, each of us have different stories, and different struggles, and we’re here to help and encourage one another through these tough times. So I’ll open the floor to you all now. Is there anything in particular than anyone has been struggling with, or any particular topics you’d like to touch on?”

A silence settles on the room once she finishes speaking, no one quite ready to pipe up.

You glance around at the group, everyone waiting for someone else to speak first.

At last, Joyce clears her throat, “Well, I suppose many of us will be finding it tough to spend the Christmas holidays without our soulmates.”

Anita gives Joyce an encouraging smile, “Yes, that’s a good point Joyce, thank you. How has everyone been finding this holiday season?”

Joyce fiddles with the cuff of her shirt, “Um, I suppose I’ll go first. I’ve been finding it tough this year, since it would have been our twenty-fifth anniversary if my husband was still with me. But my daughters have been helping me out this year. It’s difficult for them as well of course, but we’re getting by. It’ll be our third Christmas without him.” She swallows, looking down. “It’s stopped stinging so much, but the loss never quite stops hurting. I suppose that means that we lived a good life together, so there was a lot to loose when he died.” She smiles at Anita, but you can see a wobble in her lips. Something about this middle-aged woman spilling her heart to what is little more than a group of strangers is oddly moving to you. There’s a lump in your throat when you try to swallow.

“Thanks for sharing, Joyce,” Anita tilts her head towards the older woman, sympathetic. “I’m sure a lot of us can relate to that hurt that you’re experiencing. It’s good and healthy to express it. If we try to fight these feelings, or ignore them it can lead to worse things. Acknowledging our pain helps with the grieving.” Her eyes drift to the rest of the group. “Is anyone else willing to share anything?”

Silence descends on the room again, as each person reflects on what they should say, and how much they are willing to share.

Wilma takes a deep breath beside you, and announces, “I’ve quit smoking.” She looks embarassed as soon as she says it, mumbling, “I know it’s maybe not that important, but it was something I was struggling with so I wanted to share...”

“No, no, that’s great news, Wilma,” Anita nods in encouragement.

Wilma stares down at the carpet, “I fell back into old habits when I lost my soulmate. He was so good for me, so I didn’t know what to do when I lost him. But I’m trying to be healthier, because I know that’s what he would want. I haven’t smoked in over a month.” She raises her slumped shoulders as she straightens up, proud of her accomplishment.

“Well done, Wilma,” Anita says, clapping her hands together, encouraging the rest of the group to applaud as well. You put your hands together, but Wilma looks mortified by the attention, so you quickly stop.

“Does anyone have anything else to share?” Anita asks, her eyes grazing over each member. You drop your gaze to the floor, avoiding her stare, unready to share your own sadness with this group.

“Yoongi,” Anita says after an uncomfortably long silence, “It’s good to see you back here. Is there anything new you’d like to share with us since you’ve been gone?”

Yoongi looks up from his cup of coffee, and gives a shrug, “Not really. Nothing really happens to me. My friends were worried about me, so I dragged my ass over here to shut them up. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Anita blinks in surprise, before speaking. “I’m sensing some negativity here... Anything you want to talk about?”

“Nope.” The syllable is harsh as it falls from Yoongi’s tongue.

This version of Yoongi is so different to soft spoken boy you knew in high school, who would carefully explain tricky aspects of music theory to you. This man has done a lot of growing, and has been through a lot of grief. You can see it clearly in the bend of his brow, the line of his lips, the slump of his shoulders – the whole world weighted on his back.

Anita blinks at him, waiting, almost as if she hopes that he’ll change his mind and bare his heart to her. He stares back, face blank.

You cannot help but feel a little sorry for Anita. She really is trying her best. Yet Yoongi’s words echo your own attitude to this support group. How can sharing in other people’s sadness possibly help with your own healing?

Anita presses her lips into a firm line momentarily, before a smile returns to her face. “Alright, Yoongi. But, please just know that you can share with this group, whenever you need. We’re here to help you.”

You keep your eyes on Yoongi, as the conversation drifts around the rest of the group, taking stock of this new version of the person you briefly knew. Despite the guilt that rams into your chest at the thought, you can’t help but find him attractive, even now, after all this time. You almost don’t notice your own name being called. Blinking, you turn to Anita, as she repeats her question, “What about you? What brings you to our support group?”

You had been dreading this question. Your throat goes dry as you search for a response. “Um, I suppose the same reason as the rest of us,” you say, “My soulmate’s gone.” You stare down at the floor, feeling your skin heating up, as blood rushes to your head, painfully aware of everyone’s eyes on you.

“Is there anything you’d like to share about your soulmate? It can be as much or as little as you want,” Anita continues.

You give a shrug. What else could you possibly say. “I don’t know. I met him in high school. We married young, and he died early. That’s that.” There’s a burning behind your eyes. You hate that feeling, the promise of tears when you think about him.

When you had first lost Jin, you hadn’t been able to cry. It had been too much of a shock, too soon. There were no tears to give.

Now, after the initial stab of grief, the tears come too often – any time, anywhere, without warning. It could be at the grocery store, staring at pack of his favourite cookies; it could be in front of your TV, watching an advertisement that he used to make fun of any time it came on; it could be in the shower, finding a bottle of his shower gel and having memories flood back with the smell of it. You swallow, trying to fight the urge to cry now, in front of this group of strangers.

“I’m very sorry.” Somewhere beyond your swimming vision, you can hear Anita’s voice, muffled by your own storm of emotions. “We’re here to help. And we’ll do everything we can to support you. The first step to healing is getting help.”

You nod, knowing that if you speak at all, the words will come out garbled and weak.

The rest of the meeting flies by in a blur, as you swallow down your tears, and finish off the dregs of your coffee.

Before you realises it, everyone around you is standing up, grabbing coats, and mingling, their conversation muffled by your own thoughts.

You pick yourself up from your chair, and move, zombie-like, towards the snacks that are left over on the table.

You’re in the middle of grabbing a tray bake, in a world of your own, when your hand grazes against someone else’s. On reflex, your arm shoots back, and your gaze snaps up. It’s Yoongi, staring at you from across the table, his hand still outstretched.

“Sorry,” you mumble, as Yoongi reaches past you to grab another cup of coffee.

“Why are you apologising?” he asks as he stirs milk into his cup.

“Um, I don’t know,” you shrug, “I just… didn’t mean to knock your hand.”

“Well, it’s okay. I’m assuming you don’t have a horrible infectious disease that you’ve now passed on to me just from touching my hand.” His voice sounds serious, but you catch the hint of a smile on his lips as he takes a sip of coffee, and you realise he’s teasing.

“Okay, I suppose it doesn’t make sense to apologise for that,” you chuckle to yourself.

Yoongi nods, “I was once told that ‘Sorry’ should only be used for things that you never mean to do again, so it doesn’t make sense to apologise for accidents. I mean, you can’t promise that you’ve never going to accidentally touch someone’s hand again.”

“I suppose not,” you smile, “I like thinking of it like that. I’m going to steal that idea from you, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. It wasn’t my idea anyway,” Yoongi smirks, “It’s nice to see you smiling again after… well... earlier.”

“Oh god,” you huff out a sigh, “I can’t believe that I almost cried in front of a room full of strangers.”

Yoongi shrugs, “Support group can be heavy sometimes. I don’t really get the point of it to be honest, but my friends worry, so I go here to show them that I’m trying to get better.”

“Same,” you admit, “I only came here tonight because of my friend.”

Yoongi nods, “Let me guess. They were worried because it’s the holidays and you seem gloomier than usual?”

“How did you know?”

He scrunches his nose, “I just had a hunch.”

You fall into silence as Yoongi takes another swig from his coffee cup. Unsure what else to say, you find yourself blurting, “I’m really sorry about Ari.”

Yoongi glances at you, lips pouting, “There you go again, apologising for things you can’t control.”

“Ah right,” you swallow, “I just meant… that sucks. I mean, shit… that really sucks.”

Yoongi nods. “Yeah, it all sucks. I mean, you’re here. You’ve lost a soulmate too. You know how it goes.”

You press your lips together, nodding. “Yeah. I do.”

Yoongi sets down his cup of coffee on the table, and glances at his watch. “Well, I should probably get going now. But it was nice to see you again. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

You smile, “Yeah, maybe.”

You hate how disappointed you feel as you watch him go.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

“So, how was it?” Hana is staring at you over her cup of coffee.

You’re sat in a cafe in town, sipping a latte as she quizzes you about the support group.

“It was… okay,” you say, “Not as bad as I thought.”

“But not great?” she asks.

You shrug, “It was weird. Kind of heavy. Don’t know what I expected when everyone is there to cope with the loss of their soulmate. I nearly ended up crying in front of a group of strangers, so that was kind of embarrassing.” You force out a laugh, but it sounds strained.

“Do you think you’ll go back?” Hana asks innocently, pushing foam around the top of her cappuccino with a spoon.

You consider, “I don’t thinks so.”

“What? Why not?” Hana appears crestfallen.

“I’m not sure it was all that helpful for me. Besides...” You puzzle over your next words, not sure how to put it. “Well, there was this guy there...”

Hana’s brows wrinkle, but she lets you continue.

“I knew him from high school. I kind of briefly had a crush on him before I met Jin… And now I think I might be developing that crush again.”

“Isn’t that a reason to go back?” Hana asks you.

“No,” you sigh, “I mean… I don’t know. I’m not ready to fall for anyone. I’m still not over Jin. And he’s in the support group because he lost his own soulmate. It feels… wrong… to fall for someone who’s not my soulmate.”

“I don’t think that’s the right way to look at it,” Hana says, leaning back, getting ready to administer her very own brand of advice, “Jin wouldn’t want you to stay on your own forever. If he can’t be there for you, then I’m sure he would want someone else to love you. It might be good for you to get into another relationship.”

You squirm at her words. “I don’t know, Hana… I don’t feel ready for any of this. I’m so… emotional… all the time. No healthy person could deal with me right now, let alone someone who’s healing from their own loss.”

Hana lifts her spoon from her coffee, and licks foam from the handle, before she answers, “Well, okay, maybe you’re not ready. But maybe you are. I think if these feelings are developing naturally, then maybe you’re more ready for love than you realise. You can’t control when you meet someone right for you, so you shouldn’t hold yourself back by feeling guilty. At the very least, I don’t think it will hurt to continue going to Support Group, and getting to know this guy a little better.”

You want to argue, but you don’t have anything salient to add. All you can do is stir your untouched coffee, and watch as the latte art disappears into a layer of cream. “I guess you’re right,” you relent.

Hana sits back in her seat, a satisfied smile on her face, while you take your first sip of coffee, and let the caffein infuse through your tired body.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The next Saturday rolls around with a flurry of nervous butterflies waging war on your stomach lining. As the clock ticks closer to the meeting time, you pace around your house, teeth worrying at your ragged nails. If you wait much longer, you’re going to miss the bus.

Hana is probably right – there’s nothing to be scared of. If things are meant to happen, then they’ll happen, and if not, there’s nothing to worry about. Yet, something about the blossoming feelings in your heart sends a ripple of fear through you, worming its way out to your finger tips and toes.

Is it so wrong to like someone besides your soulmate? If you had asked yourself a year ago, with Jin by your side, of course, you would have answered, ‘Yes’. But now, you’re not so sure. You’re alone, and you’re lonely, and you want someone to hold you.

You need to go now, or you’ll be late. You stand by your door, keys in hand, frozen. You try to mentally prepare yourself for the process of stepping outside, and venturing into the city centre. If you visualise it in your mind, you feel a little less worried. You’ll walk to the bus stop. You’ll wait for the bus. You’ll take the bus to the city centre. You’ll walk to the church. You’ll go inside. You’ll see Yoongi, and maybe exchange some simple chat. It’ll all be fine.

With a deep breath, you step outside into the cold, bundled up in your coat and scarf, and walk down to the bus stop.

As you sit on the bus, staring out the window, you are met with the festive cheer of Christmas lights strung from apartment windows and store fronts. Your gaze falls to your feet instead. The bus floor is dirty, a few discarded bus tickets cluttering the space by your feet. You focus on these instead. You don’t want to be reminded of Christmas. You don’t want to celebrate without Jin by your side.

The bus drops you off at the top of the high street, and you keep your eyes on the ground as you make your way towards the church.

It takes a few moments of careful breathing before you can work up the courage to walk over the threshold and take the spiral steps up to the meeting room.

Inside, the atmosphere is warm, members chatting over cups of tea and coffee.

Joyce gives you a wave as you step inside. “Hi there,” she smiles. “I was just wondering if we were going to see you again.”

As you engage in small talk, telling her how your week has been, you scan the room for Yoongi. Unable to see him, you are unsure if you should be disappointed or relieved.

As Anita walks into the room, you take a seat, cradling a cup of lukewarm coffee, and try to concentrate on Anita’s words. She goes around the circle, asking you all how you have been doing. You’re halfway around the circle when the door inches open, and Yoongi steps inside, nose and cheeks pink from the cold.

His eyes catch yours, as you straighten in your chair.

“Ah, Yoongi, you’re just in time,” Anita smiles at him, even though he’s quite a few minutes late. “Please, sit down.”

You silently begin to panic as you realise that the only free seat is right next to yours. You try to reassure yourself as he sits down next to you, but still your heart rate accelerates as Yoongi glances across at you, his frown melting momentarily as he offers you a smile.

You try to smile back, acting as normal as you possibly can, with your heart pounding in your chest and your body in fight or flight mode. Why did you let Hana convince you that this was a good idea?

The problem with having your first love in high school is that you now have no idea how to behave around a crush as an adult. The only other crushes you had were in high school – on Yoongi, of course, along with a slew of other boys. There was Hoseok, captain of the football team; there was your best freind, Namjoon; there was Jimin, the gifted prodigy who was always singing in the music room. Back then, your main mode of flirting was aggressively avoiding eye contact, so suffice to say, you’re not handling this well at all.

Now, you feel the bubbles of immature attracting rising up in your confused heart, and you have no idea how to deal with any of it. Yet, you cannot fight the warmth that rises under your skin as you offer Yoongi a careful smile.

The support group meeting seems to fly past, as you focus on the presence of Yoongi beside you, and question your own feelings.

When your find the other support group members standing up, you look around in confusion, wondering how an hour could have gone past while you were contemplating your own emotions, and trying to ignore the attractive line of Yoongi’s jaw or that way that his fringe falls into his eyelashes.

You stand up, and head for the snack table, pouring yourself a cup of coffee.

“Evening.”

You look up at the voice to find Yoongi standing next to you, his hands buried in the pockets of his coat. There he is – the conundrum you had been trying so hard to avoid.

“Hi,” you say, mouth suddenly dry.

He saunters past you, picking up a cup of coffee and tipping a sachet of brown sugar into it.

You fumble with a jug of milk, trying not to spill any as you pour into your cup, painfully aware of Yoongi’s eyes on you.

“How are you doing?” he asks you, as you bring the cup to your mouth, taking a sip.

You give a shrug, “Well, you know… as well as I can do this time of year.” It was a mistake to come here again, giving way for your heart’s temptation. Still, a small, immature part of your brain is lit up with hope at the fact that Yoongi stayed behind to talk with you this evening – the young girl from high school, trapped in the body of a twenty-five year old, asking the question ‘What if?’

Yoongi nods sympathetically, staring down at his coffee cup, “Yeah. Christmas is hard.”

You blow on your cup of coffee, watching the steam twist up from the surface. “I just wish I could get away from it all,” you admit, “If I could hibernate through December, I would.” You chuckle at yourself. “Maybe that’s dumb.”

“Nah, it’s not dumb,” Yoongi assures, “I’ve had similar thoughts myself.”

You raise your brows a him, “Yeah? Well, at least it’s not just me then.”

Yoongi presses his lips together, as if he’s considering something, a frown flitting across his face.

“It was nice to see you both this evening,” Joyce steps in, grinning, by your side. You offer her a smile, partially disappointed that she’s broken off your conversation with Yoongi, and partially relieved for the distraction she provides.

“Yeah, it was nice to see you too,” you say.

Joyce nods, “Well, I must be heading off now, but I just wanted to say goodbye.”

You wave her off, and find yourself alone with Yoongi again.

With the conversation cut off, you’re not sure where to pick up again, or if you even should. The rest of the support group has left now, dispersing off to their own separate lives. Unable to handle the pressure of your own pounding heart, you down the rest of your coffee, despite it still being too hot. “Well, it’s late. I should probably get going as well.”

Yoongi nods, silent.

You set down your empty cup, and pull on your coat, turning to leave. It’s then that you feel a gentle hand catching your wrist, and you hear Yoongi softly saying, “Hang on.”

You turn back to him. His hand is warm on your pulse, a burst of heat against your cold body.

“Um,” Yoongi suddenly seems unsure of yourself, letting go of you as quickly as he grabbed you, “Listen, I know this might sound crazy, but… I could get you out of here for the Christmas holidays. If you were serous about wanting to escape all of this, I mean.”

“What are you suggesting?” you ask.

He brushes a hand through his hair, pushing his fringe off his face. “I’ve actually been planning a trip to get away from the city this Christmas, and I thought… maybe you’d like to join me. I mean...” He pauses for breath, tripping over his words, “I had actually planned to go with some friends, but they bailed at the last minute. I’ve got some spare tickets, and I thought I’d just offer. I get that it’s weird, since we’re not that close or anything, but I just thought I’d throw the offer out there. If you want it.”

“I’ll go,” you say, without any hesitation. You’re not sure where this answer comes from, it simply breaks free from your mouth.

“You’re sure?” Yoongi asks, “I haven’t even told you where I was planning on going.”

You shrug, “That’s okay. I just want to get away. I don’t want to do Christmas this year, and if I can spend the time with someone like-minded, that would be nice.”

He smiles at you, shoulders relaxing slightly, “Good.”

“Good,” you grin back, a little breathless at this sudden turn of events.

“Well, if you give me your number I can message you the details?” Yoongi suggests.

“Yeah, sure.” You take a napkin from the table, and scrawl down your details for him. “There you go.” You laugh to yourself, “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Me neither,” Yoongi admits. You share a smile, as he takes the napkin from you. Suddenly, the emotions bubbling inside you don’t feel so wrong. Jin would approve of this man, you know it.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

That evening, as you lie in your bed, you think over the events of the past day. Here, you are, going on a trip with a man you barely know. It’s crazy. You should probably just cancel this before it goes to far. You can say ‘No’ now. It’s not too late.

Your phone buzzes on the duvet beside you, and you pick it up, squinting at the message in the fading light of your bedroom.

Unknown number: Hi there. It’s Yoongi. Just checking this number works.

Your doubts melt away as you stare at his name on your phone screen. Opening up your onscreen keyboard, you message back.

You: hi yoongi. it’s me. i can confirm this number works.

Yoongi: Good. Glad to hear it. So.

Yoongi: You still wanna do this?

You: yes.

Yoongi: Okay. Just know you can back out at any time if you want. Okay?

You: sure sure. but like i said, i’m happy to go.

Yoongi: Alright, well, I’ve got tickets to leave on Dec 23. I can drive you to the harbour?

You: harbour? are we getting a boat?

Yoongi: Oh, shit. I never did tell you where we’re going. Oops.

Yoongi: I’ve got tickets to spend a few days on a remote island off the north coast. My friend’s got a holiday home there. He says it’s really quiet. There won’t be many Christmas festivities going on, so it should be ideal.

You: sounds nice.

Yoongi: So you’re still okay with going, now you know where we’re headed?

You: yeah, sounds like an adventure.

Yoongi: Okay, good.

Yoongi: And thank you, by the way. As much as I don’t want to deal with Christmas this year, I didn’t really want to spend it alone.

Yoongi: It’ll be nice to catch up with you. I used to like our weekly chats outside Mrs. Garcia’s class.

You: yeah, i’m looking forward to it.

You: and thank you – for letting me tag along.

You lie back in bed, a warmth spreading through you. You like Yoongi, you realise. You like him a lot.

You roll over in bed, onto your back, and pull your shirt up over your head, to check on your tattoo. It’s still there, white petals flowering out across your chest, right above your heart. You still feel the grasp of grief, pressing down when you look at it, but there’s something beyond that as well – something new and bittersweet.

You pull your shirt back down, and stare up at the ceiling, thoughts crashing through your mind. Taking a steadying breath, you remind yourself of what Hana told you – if you’re ready for love, then things will happen as they’re meant to. And if not, it would be nice to have Yoongi as a friend.

With this thought, you allow yourself to relax, your body drifting off towards sleep.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The next day, you meet Hana in town. She’s been insisting on going on a shopping trip with you for a while, and although you’ve been trying to dodge it, she’s impossible to say no to.

“Hi there!” she wraps an arm around your shoulder in greeting, giving you a pat on the back, “Good to see you again.”

“You too,” you give her a weak smile, trying to match her energy, “I just don’t know why we had to meet up in town today.”

Hana pushes her hair off her face, wrinkling her nose at you, “I just wanted to get you out of the house a bit more. You’ve been doing really well recently, so I though it would do you some good to get out and about.”

You shrug, “I just don’t like going into town at this time of year. All the Christmas songs playng in shops and the lights up all over the place just make me feel a bit weird.”

You and Hana begin making your way along the pavement, under the strings of blue snowflake-shaped lights that are strung up between the shop buildings, sparkling against the grey December sky.

“I know,” Hana says, “But you can’t keep living your life hiding away from everything.”

You feel a niggle in your chest at her words.

“I thought the White Lily Support Group was helping?” Hana says, as she leads you towards a clothing store, pushing the door open for you.

“Well, it’s been going alright,” you admit, as you step into the warmth of the shop, “I did end up speaking to that man more. You know, Yoongi.”

Hana’s eyes widen at you, her attention pulled away from the jumpers she’s been eyeing. “Do go on.”

You fiddle with the sleeves of one of the jumpers that have been laid out on display, green wool soft between your fingers. “Yeah, I’m actually going to be spending a bit more time with him,” you admit. “He’s going on a trip over Christmas, and his friends bailed on him, so he asked me if I wanted to go.”

“And you said yes?” Hana asks, eager.

“Yeah,” you say, “I mean, I’m a little scared, because I don’t know him that well. But I was thinking about what you said, about being ready to fall in love again, and I think I’m ready.”

Hana grins at you, “Oh my gosh, I’m so happy to hear that! Sounds like he might be interested in you as well.”

You shrug, giving a careful laugh, “I think he just asked me because we both wanted to get away for Christmas and he doesn’t want to waste the tickets he bought.”

“Yeah, but he’s not going to offer that to just anyone, so he must like you – at least a little,” Hana insists.

You shrug, feeling suddenly bashful. “Well, maybe, I don’t know. I don’t want to leap to conclusions.”

“Of course. But it sounds promising,” Hana grins, “Okay, we’re going to have to get some nice new clothes for you, so you can impress him!”

You shake your head, “My old clothes are fine. Besides, we’re going to a remote island. I looked it up, and it’s the type of place birdwatchers and rock climbers like to go. So it’ll be pretty rough and wild. I’ll probably be wearing jeans and hiking boots for the entire trip!”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t look hot wearing jeans and hiking boots,” Hana insists. She picks up one of the jumpers she’s been looking at, holding it up next to you, “This could work. It’s totally your colour as well.”

You try to find excuses as Hana picks up different articles of clothing, handing them to you, and pushing you towards the changing rooms. “Come on, just humour me,” she says, “You might like them.”

You’re unconvinced, but unwilling to fight your friend on this, you find yourself in the changing room, pulling jumpers over your head and appraising your reflection. As you pull off the last jumper over your head, you find yourself in front of the mirror in just your jeans, staring at the lily petals that poke out from below the lace of your bra. A sudden wave of worry sweeps over you. Those lilies are still so fresh. How can you be ready for anything new, the way you are now?

“You alright in there?” Hana calls from beyond the changing room curtain, “You’re taking a while in there.”

You shake the mist from your head, and call back to her, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Hurrying, you slip back into your own clothes, fixing your hair in the mirror. You pull back the curtain to face Hana. She grins at you, “Well?”

“I suppose some of them look quite nice,” you shrug, holding up the few jumpers you liked.

“Then let’s get them,” Hana says, “I’ll even pay. Consider it my Christmas gift to you, since you won’t actually let me get you anything.”

“Fine,” you relent, knowing there’s no point in trying to stop Hana once she’s set her mind on something, “Just let me pay for coffee afterwards.”

“I won’t say no to free coffee.” Hana takes the jumpers from you, and heads for the till. You make your way to the exit of the store, waiting for Hana as you watch the sky darkening outside.

Alone, you’re left to your own worries once more, wondering if what you’re doing is really right. The more you think about it, the more your mind twists itself in knots.

Hana follows behind you with bags in hand, “So, you mentioned coffee?”

Distracted, you offer her half of a full smile, “Sure, let’s get off the high-street though. It’s too busy here.”

As the two of you step out into the street, you are greeted by a gust of cold air, knocking your breath from your body. You pull your coat closer around you, mist leaving your mouth as you swear against the bitter cold.

Walking down the street, you chat with Hana about the trip you’re taking with Yoongi, while she encourages you, and you try to stave off your own fears.

Stopping at a cafe on a small side street, you pick out a table by the window and watch the view of frantic Christmas shoppers streaming by. You try to zone out the sound of Christmas songs playing on the radio while you wait for your coffees. Still, it gets trickier with each memorable song flowing by, memories caught in the tides of melody, with visions of Jin dancing around your kitchen while he cooks dinner, singing to you while you pour yourself another cup of mulled wine.

You’re broken from your reverie as one of the cafe baristas brings over your coffee, setting a latte down in front of you, before she sets down Hana’s cappuccino. The coffee wobbles in front of Hana. The moment seems to happen so slowly, and yet it happens too fast for you to react. The coffee wobbles in its cup, hanging in the air for a second, before Hana reaches out her hand, grabbing to save the china, and hot coffee spills over her fingers.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the barista stumblers over her apologies, “Are you okay?”

“It’s fine. I’m okay,” Hana insists.

“You sure? Did it burn you? I can get you some ice water?” the barista continues on, her tone panicked.

As you watch the two women blustering over the spilled drink, you catch a glimpse of peony tattoos developing across the barista’s fingers.

Peony petals for burns.

You remember then on your own hands when Jin had started cooking in your dodgy student dorm kitchen.

You know you should point it out to them, but your mouth is frozen shut.

It was going to happen eventually, and you had promised yourself you would be happy for Hana when it did. Yet now, something feels broken inside of you.

“Are you sure you aren’t hurt?” the barista keeps asking.

“Um, it kinds of burns a bit,” Hana says, “But I’m okay. Really.”

“I’ll get you some cold water. And another coffee.” It’s only as the barista goes to pick up the now empty coffee cup that she seems to notice the tattoos on her own hands, and she stares in shock for a moment before she says, “Hey, look. Peonies.”

She holds up her hands to Hana. Hana blinks, computing the barista’s words before realization clicks and she holds up the three fingers that she burnt, matching the three tattooed fingers of the barista.

“Oh my god,” Hana blurts, seeming to forget about her injury as she stands up, her mouth opening into a perfect ‘O’ shape, “Oh wow.”

“Um, yeah, wow,” the barista suddenly seems shy, her face turning as pink as the peonies on her hand, “I can’t believe I burnt my soulmate as soon as I met her.”

“It’s fine,” Hana insists, “If you hadn’t, we wouldn’t have figured out we were soulmates!”

The barista laughs, “I suppose you’re right.”

“Um, I’m Hana, by the way,” Hana says, “I suppose you should know, since we’re soulmates.”

“I’m Emery,” the barista pushes her hair away from her face with the genuine shyness of a woman who’s just discovered her first love.

You sit, silent, in your own corner, blocked off from this new discovery of love, your heart stinging. You’re partially happy for Hana. Emery seems sweet, the kind of person you could imagine Hana with – yet, there’s something painful about observing a discovery that you’ll never get to experience yourself. You’ve already had this moment. You got it once, with Jin, on the baseball pitch in high school. That was all you got - one chance, dissolved in the seas of your unstable life.

You’re dragged from your own reverie when you hear your name being called, and see that Hana is trying to introduce you to her soulmate. You force a smile, and say hi to Emery. “I’ll leave you two alone for a bit,” you decide, making your way to get up from your seat.

“What? No, it’s okay, sweetie,” Hana says, “I don’t want to bail on you.”

“It’s fine,” you insist, “Today’s a special day for you, Hana. I want you to treasure it. I’ll leave you two.”

Hana’s eyes follow you as you pick up your coat from the back of your chair, eyes questioning. You give her an encouraging smile, truly wanting her to enjoy this day as much as possible.

Leaving your best friend with her newly found soulmate, you journey out into the cold of the late afternoon, and begin the treck home, bombarded by Christmas lights, festive songs blaring from shops.

It isn’t until you get back to your house that you let your guard slip down, locking the door behind you as you sink down to the floor. You should be happy for Hana, yet your heart feels ripped up with confusion – knowing your best friend has found her life partner, knowing that you’ll never get that experience again, knowing you’ve lost Hana in a little way today. It’s all too much. Barely knowing what you’re doing, you reach for your phone and dial Yoongi’s number.

He picks up after a few rings. “Hi,” his voice is husky.

“Is this a bad time?” you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

“No, it’s fine, it’s good. Unless you’re calling to tell me you don’t want to go on the trip anymore. In that case it’s a bad time.”

You laugh past the threatening tears, “No, it’s not about that.”

“Then what’s up?”

You swallow thickly, your throat clogged up with grief. You’re not really sure what to say. You didn’t have a plan beyond wanting to hear his voice, “I’ve kind of had a rough day, and I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Okay, I’m listening.” His voice is gentle.

“Are you sure,” you say, “I mean, I know you’ve got your own shit going on. I don’t want to unload more stuff on you.”

“Hey, I want to help,” he says, “If talking to me helps, then go for it.”

“Okay,” you take a careful breath, “Well, my best friend found her soulmate today. And I know I should be happy for her. But all I feel is this weird jealousy. Am I a bad friend?”

“Hey,” Yoongi’s voice cuts through to you, “Don’t feel bad about that. It’s totally normal to feel jealous about this sort of thing.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” You chew on your bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I say about being sorry?” You can hear a gentle smile in Yoongi’s voice. Picturing his face, you can imagine the expression he’s pulling now - teasing, but kind.

“That I shouldn’t say it unless I plan on never doing it.”

“That’s right,” Yoongi says, “Is this why you called?”

“Yeah,” you continue, “Normally I’d call my best friend when I feel bad, but obviously I can’t right now, because I don’t want to make her worry.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” Yoongi soothes, “It’s tough, but it’s just a part of life that’s going to keep happening to you when you lose a soulmate. Lots of people around you are going to continue finding their soulmates while you go on living your life without them. And it hurts when you see it. Of course it does. But it only hurts because your soulmate made a positive impact on your life. And they left you too early.” He pauses for a moment, as if he’s unsure what else to say, but he continues, “Can I tell you a story?”

“Sure,” you get up from the floor, and walk over to your sofa, getting comfy.

On the other end of the line, Yoongi’s voice continues, a deep comforting thrum in your ear, “When I was getting the train a few months after I lost my soulmate, I saw this couple at the station. The man ended up dropping a bag he’d been carrying, and the lady tried to catch it for him, and injured her hand. And when she did, bluebells appeared on the man’s hand as well, and they were suddenly all over each other, because they hand’t realised they were actually soulmates until that moment. And that hurt to see. It was so soon after… well… after I lost Ari. And everything was so raw then. I couldn’t take it. I just left the train station and went home. I’d been waiting for the train to get to a job interview, but I just skipped it because I couldn’t cope.” He gives a soft laugh, “I’m not sure if there was even a moral to that story. I guess I’m just trying to say that you’re not alone in feeling what you’re feeling. And that it’s okay.”

“Thanks Yoongi,” you smile, “I think that’s what I needed to hear.”

“Good,” Yoongi says, “Glad to hear I still have my uses.”

“Hey Yoongi, how long has it been for you? Since you lost her I mean?”

“A year and six months,” he says.

“Does it get easier?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think yes. And sometimes I think no. I mean, your soulmate will always stay with you, as a kind of ghost of what you had. But it depends on what you do with that. You can wallow with the ghost, and stay haunted forever, or you can go out and make the ghost proud.” He laughs, “God, that sounded dumb. But you know what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah, I understand.” You pause. It feels like the conversation has faded away, yet you don’t quite feel ready to hang up. You search for something else you can say to keep Yoongi with you, just a little longer. “So, how was your day?” You cringe at the question, but Yoongi responds readily. He describes his day - he tells you about the stray cat who comes by his house. He tells you about the coffee he made for himself today, with the new coffee beans that he’s been looking forward to opening since he bought them a week ago. He tells you about the music he’s been listening to. He tells you about the huge spider that he found in his bedroom, that he carefully had to take outside, because he could’t bring himself to kill it. And with all of this, you find yourself happy and content in the bubble of Yoongi’s conversation.

Chats with Yoongi are different to chats with Jin, but not a bad kind of different.

While chats with Jin were like sunny beaches, clear blues skies, and sand between your toes, chats with Yoongi are more like cosy winter evenings, with a fire crackling nearby, a blanket thrown around you, and the sound of rain whispering against the window panes.

You only say goodbye to Yoongi when you notice that it’s gone seven o’clock in the evening, and you haven’t had anything to eat since lunch.

“Take care,” Yoongi says, as you say your final goodbyes, “And remember – you can call me anytime you need to.”

“Thank you, Yoongi. You too of course.”

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The next day, you get a call from Hana, her worried voice crackling as she asks how you’re doing. You convince her that you’re okay, and that you’re happy for her – of course you’re happy for her. Keeping your tone light and cheerful, you ask her for more details about her soulmate. You know that if Jin was still around, he would be very excited about this; he was always happy to hear of other people’s love stories.

Once you’re off the phone with Hana, you decide to start packing your bags in preparation for your trip with Yoongi. You reason that if you’re prepared, you won’t be able to make excuses and back out of it later. The days are running together as Christmas creeps closer – you want to be ready for it.

As you fold up shirts that you know you won’t need before the trip, you put off the desire to call Yoongi again, just to hear his voice. You don’t want to appear as starved for his company as you truly are.

That’s why, when you see his number flash up on your phone in the evening, you snap up without hesitation.

“Hi,” you answer in the calmest tone you can muster.

“Evening,” you hear him on the other end, voice husky, “I just thought I’d check in on you today.”

“That’s very thoughtful,” you say, smiling to the empty room in front of you.

As you make your way to the sofa in your living room, you find yourself easily picking up conversation with him. You tell him about packing for the trip; you tell him about your attempts at cooking lasagna that evening, and how you’d managed to run out of tomato sauce; you tell him about the dog that kept barking in the garden behind yours, until you went out to check on the poor thing, and realised that its ball had somehow got wedged under your fence. You enjoy the sound of Yoongi’s laugh on the other end of the line as your recount your day to him. Before you realise it, hours have passed, and it’s time for you to sleep, yet you’re still not ready to hang up.

“That you for calling me today,” you say, “I think I needed someone to chat to.”

“No need to thank me,” Yoongi responds, “I was feeling a little low myself honestly, so having someone to talk to was nice.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You’re not sure if you should press further, or just stay quiet and leave him to spill as much as he needs.

“No, no it’s okay, I’m fine,” he assures you, “You shouldn’t say sorry for that. You made me feel better. So thank you.”

“Well, I guess we both helped each other then,” you laugh, trailing off to silence.

Yoongi’s side falls quiet as well. At last you hear him clear his throat, and he murmurs, “It’s late.”

“Yeah, it is… I suppose we should sleep.”

“Probably.”

“Okay,” you say, “Have a good night.”

“You too.”

You hear a click as he hangs up, and you’re left with a smile on your face as you set your phone down.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The days fly by in a blur, and suddenly the twenty-third of December has crept upon you without any warning.

That morning, you fly into a flurry of stress as you get ready to head off with Yoongi. You find yourself analysing your appearance in the mirror, critiquing every stray hair, and every loose thread. You’ve talked to Yoongi almost every night on the phone, your evening calls becoming part of a soothing ritual before you sleep. But it’s been a full week since you’ve actually seen him face to face, and you’re suddenly worried. What if all the chemistry you developed on your nightly calls suddenly stops in person? Your feelings are all the more confused, pulling your into a deep molasses of doubt that you cannot free yourself from.

When you hear him knock on the door, your heart clambers up to your throat, making your feel sick. You take a few stabilizing breaths, checking your reflection in the hallway mirror one last time, before you open the door to him.

“Morning,” he offers you a kind smile, his face crinkling up around the edges in a way that leaves your knees weak.

“Good morning,” you say, happy to see him, despite the worries fogging up your head.

“Right,” he says, “Let’s get your bags, and get out of here. We’ve got a ferry to catch.”

With a little bit of effort, you get your luggage loaded into Yoongi’s small car, and find yourself setting off down the road. As Yoongi weaves through the smaller roads that slink out of the city, heading for the motor-way, you chat easily with him, just as naturally as you did on the phone. You feel the tensions shift from your shoulders as you settle down in the passenger’s seat, enjoying the sound of Yoongi’s laughter as you tell him about the panic you had last night when you woke up at midnight to remember that you hadn’t actually packed any deodorant.

“Hey, would it be okay if I stick on some music?” Yoongi asks, as you drive through the morning fog that’s settled on the motorway, car lights cutting through the December gloom.

“Yeah, no problem,” you say, “Do you have an aux lead?”

“Should be in the glove compartment.”

With a bit of rummaging around, you figure out the music system in Yoongi’s car, and plug in his phone for him. A familiar tune begins to play from the speakers.

“Oh, I know this one,” you say, “This band is great!”

“Oh yeah?” You catch a glimpse of a smile passing over Yoongi’s lips as he concentrates on the road in front of him. “It’s one of my favourite bands actually. I’m surprised you’ve heard of them. Most people I’ve spoken to haven’t.”

“Well, it’s nice be in the presence of another cultured individual,” you joke.

“Indeed,” Yoongi laughs, tapping his hands on the steering wheel to the drum beat, “I suppose it avoids any arguments over what music to play in the car.”

You chuckle, “Don’t get me started. Jin and I would always have to call shotgun over who played their music in the car on long journeys. Of course, I didn’t mind his music, and he didn’t mind mine, but our tastes where a little different.” You suddenly realise that this is the first time you’ve mentioned Jin so casually in conversation, without any of the usual hurt descending down on your heart – just a smile on your face as you recall fond memories. “Um, Jin was my soulmate,” you add.

“Ah, yeah,” Yoongi hums, “Sounds like you had fun with him.”

You nod, “It was good.” Glancing across at Yoongi, you’re filled with curiosity. Yoongi hasn’t talked much about his soulmate either. You know you shouldn’t ask if he doesn’t tell. Yet, despite your rational brain telling you not to go poking into things you don’t want to know, you find yourself wondering about Ari, and what happened to her.

Yoongi hesitates, “It’s good to have nice memories of Jin. You should treasure those.”

“I do,” you say, “I always enjoy listening to his music now, because it reminds me of him. I guess I gained a new appreciation for more genres because of that.”

You let the music sweep through the car, plugging up the silence as you continue driving towards the coast.

“Do you ever wonder about the person you would be if you’d never met Jin?” Yoongi asks you, his voice pulling you back from the music.

You consider this. You met Jin when you were fairly young. He influenced so much of your life. He introduced you to new music, you wouldn’t have watched your favourite TV show if he hadn’t convinced you that it was good – even your sense of humour was shaped by him, finding pun jokes funnier and funnier the more he would tell them to you. “Sometimes, yeah,” you admit, “Somedays I think I’d be very different without him. I feel like I’m just an amalgamation of all the important people in my life, and of course, he’s a part of that. But then again, there are other people who influence me, like my family, and my friends. So maybe at the end of the day, all of the things I take in from other people are just – me.”

Yoongi nods, eyes fixed on the road, “I like that. I sometimes wish I felt more like me. But I think I lost who I was after Ari passed.”

You eye him carefully. He rarely opens up about his loss, so even hearing him bring up his soulmate is strange – a vulnerable wound that he’s showing you.

He continues, “I think I just forgot how to be me while I was with her. She had a lot of problems, and I tried to fix them all for her, so much so that I forgot to work on myself.” He lets out a sigh through his nose.

“Well, I still think you’re you,” you say, “Maybe there are parts that have changed, and parts you’ve lost, but at the end of the day, you are simply the things you do and the people you meet. So if you continue living, you’ll still be you.”

“Well, if we’re amalgamation of people we meet, then I wouldn’t mind being more like you,” he smiles.

“You too,” you say, “Maybe you can’t see who you really are because you’ve lost sight of it, but I see it, and I like it.”

Yoongi remains silent, and you worry that you might have said something wrong, but then he replies in a soft voice, “Thank you.”

You settle back, as the music fills the car, carefully thinking over Yoongi’s words. As you look out, you see a glistening in the distance, as Yoongi takes an exit off the motorway, and suddenly you’re taking winding roads downhill and the sea is in front of you, a blanket of fog covering it, grey and sparkling, like a diamond, cutting through the haze.

“Nearly there,” Yoongi tells you as you gaze out at the view before you. “You see that island out there on the horizon,” he lifts a finger off the steering wheel to indicate, “That’s where we’re headed.”

You spot the green of the island, shining like an emerald in the black sea, rough foam catching around the rocky edges. “It’s beautiful,” you say.

“Wait until you see the views from the island,” Yoongi grins.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

You manage to find a parking spot close to the harbour, and Yoongi helps you carry your bags down to the ferry. There’s a small group of people waiting at the dock where the boat that you’ll be taking is moored. As you join the short queue, the first few flecks of rain begin to fall, misting against your cold cheeks.

“Ah shit, I was hoping for good weather,” Yoongi huffs, pulling his coat closer around himself. His breath comes out in a fog, rising up into the drizzle that’s spreading in from the sea.

“I kind of like it,” you laugh, “It’s atmospheric.”

Yoongi chuckles, “Well, I suppose. I’d just prefer a different atmosphere.”

As you chat, shoulders hunched and backs turned to the wind that’s sweeping off the ocean, the other passengers around you begin to board. Finally, it’s your turn to get onto the ferry. Stepping foot inside the ship, you are glad to get out of the cold, shaking salt spray from your hair. You find a spot at a table, with a view of the sea through a small, round window.

Waiting through the safety announcements about how to put on and inflate a life jacket, you share an excited smile with Yoongi. You’re looking forward to getting away from everything for a little bit. Carried off to a far away island, you’ve almost forgotten about Christmas and the memories it stirs in your wounded chest.

At last, the engine rumbles to life, vibrating through your body, and the small ferry begins to pull away from the harbour.

“I’ll go get us something to drink. What do you want?” Yoongi asks.

“Just a coffee’s fine,” you say.

With a nod, Yoongi gets up, making his way over to the small cafe on the other side of the ferry. The ship is so small that even from one side of the boat, you can see him standing in line at the other end. You flash him a smile when he glances back to you.

It isn’t long until he returns, trying not to spill the drinks as the waves rock the little ferry about. You stir a packet of sugar into your weak coffee, and warm your hands on the sides of the paper cup.

“This is nice,” you say to Yoongi, as you glance out the window at the grey sky, reflected back from the ocean. Despite the dreary weather, there’s a happy glow in your chest. It’s something you haven’t felt in a long time – a genuine enjoyment of life.

You glance from the window to Yoongi, where you find him blowing at the steam rising from his cup of coffee, and your stomach does a somersault. You never did think you’d feel this way with anyone after Jin. There’s still a niggle of guilt, but you try to push it down. Jin would understand, and he would want you to be happy without him.

Maybe even if the tattoos on you body don’t show it, perhaps there is more than one way to have a soulmate.

“Thank you for inviting me, Yoongi,” you say, “I’m really looking forward to this.”

Yoongi glances down at his coffee, his finger tracing around the white lip of the cup, “Thank you for coming with me. I’m looking forward to this too.”

You grin, as Yoongi glances out the window again, and gives a shout suddenly, pointing, “Look. Dolphins!”

Turning, you inch closer to the window. You see a sleek grey body pierce through the ocean’s surface in an arc, water droplets flying, before it disappears again. Keeping your gaze on the water, not wanting to blink or you’ll miss it, you see the dolphin break the surface again, another one following behind.

“Oh woah,” you breathe, “I’ve never seen ones in the wild before.”

“They’re great, aren’t they?” Yoongi grins. “I’ve been out this way a few times, and dolphins always seem to show up. I think they get curious about the ferry, so they come have a look.”

“Wow, they’re really cute,” you grin.

Yoongi nods, taking another sip of his coffee.

You while away the time on the ferry, chatting with Yoongi and keeping an eye out the window for more dolphin sightings. As you slowly approach the island, the sky seems to clear of rain, returning to a cold white, a blank page above the grey cliffs of the coast.

By the time the ship is moored, and everyone’s queued to get off the boat, you’re practically hopping with excitement. Stepping back onto solid ground after the soft rocking of the ship is strange, but welcome.

“Alright, they house is this way,” Yoongi announces, leading you up the winding path from the rocky shoreline, trees twisting around the path, moss and ivy coating the surface of everything in a layer of bright green. You keep step behind Yoongi as you walk up the incline, further from the sea. The ocean breeze catches in your hair, pulling it into a tangle.

At last, you reach the top of the hill, where the island flattens out. “Look behind,” Yoongi says, “You can see the mainland from here.”

You swivel around, glancing behind to the sight of the land you’ve left behind. A light shines on and off from one side, a small lighthouse blinking back at you, dropping down to rolling hills, and below that – the golden line of the sandy beaches. “Wow, it’s beautiful,” you say, your breath caught in your chest at the spectacle.

Yoongi seems pleased at your assertion, smiling to himself as he leads you further down the path. You walk through a small village – if it could even be called a village – containing a pub, a church, and a single grocery shop, before taking a turn down the path into a more remote area. Around you, fields spread out, filled with wild grass, separated out into a patchwork by stone walls. Even closer to the centre of the island you can still taste the salt spray in the air, blowing off the coast. You continue to follow Yoongi, your bags growing heavy in your hands, until your reach a pleasant white house, tucked among a tangle of trees that give a buffer to the harsher coastal wind.

Yoongi fumbles in his coat pockets for a key, and you tumble into the house away from the cold of the sea air.

“Right, first things first, let’s get the heating on!” Yoongi declares, marching over to the thermostat. You can tell that the house has not been lived in for a while – the air is cold and unmoving.

Once Yoongi is happy with the temperature settings, he returns to you in the hallway. “Well, here we are,” he gives you small smile, “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” you smile, “A little tired from the walk here, and a little hungry.”

“Alright, then let’s unpack and get something to eat,” Yoongi says, “You can choose whatever room you want. Just look around and take your pick.”

Taking your bag, you make your way up the stairs of the house, and walk down the landing, peeking into each room. The first room you find is the bathroom, followed by a few bedrooms, varying in size and style. You decide on the bedroom at the end of the hallway, with a comfy queen sized bed, and a window that looks out across the wild landscape down to the coast.

As you begin unpacking your things, Yoongi pokes his head in. “I see you picked the biggest room.”

You chuckle, “You can take this one if you want it instead?”

He shakes his head, “No, I always take the one opposite. It’s a bit smaller than this one, but it has a skylight and you can look up at the stars from the bed, so I like it the most.”

“Well, why didn’t you tell me! Now I want that room,” you joke.

Yoongi laughs, “Sorry, but you’ll have to battle me if you want that room.”

You hold up your hands, “Alright, I’ll let you keep it.”

Yoongi leans against the door frame, his hair a shock of black against the white of the bedroom’s wall. “When you’re ready we can go to the shop to pick up some supplies, and then we can have some lunch.”

“Sounds good,” you smile.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The rest of the day is spent getting settled.

You pick up some groceries from the shop, and then help Yoongi cook some lunch. After that, he takes you for a walk around the island, showing you all the sights, from the beautiful beaches on the north side of the island, to the farms in the centre, where you meet an overly friendly dog and some horses that are out grazing in the filed.

As you return to the house for dinner, the sun is beginning to set beyond the island. The sky is awash with gold and red, casting a glow over everything. Walking back through the village to the house, you notice a few lights strung up over the doors of the shops, blinking to life as dusk settles in. You thought that you would be able to escape memories of Christmas on the island, but the festive lights suddenly jerk you back to reality – to the fact that you’re only on this trip so that you can escape for a little bit. The reminder suddenly knocks your mood down. You try to fight the feeling, taking a deep breath, and continuing down the path after Yoongi.

“Hey,” he turns back to see you’ve fallen behind him a little way, “You alright?” He pauses, waiting for you to catch up.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say.

“You sure? You don’t seem so good.”

As you fall in step with him again, careful of your footing on the pathway as you move away from the lights of the village, you answer, “I suppose sometimes I just have moments where all these bad emotions come rushing back. Even on happy days, when I’m doing well. I’ll be totally fine, and then I’ll suddenly feel guilty – like, hey, you shouldn’t feel good. You should be missing your soulmate.” You shake your head to yourself, “I know it’s a silly way to think, but it doesn't stop the fact that it’s there in my mid.”

“Well, was Jin an asshole?” Yoongi asks.

“Excuse me?” you whip your head around to Yoongi, scrutinising him.

“I’m just asking – was he an asshole? Because only an asshole would want their partner to stay sad all the time.”

“Oh...” You trail off, your attention turning to the path before you, “Well no, he wasn’t an asshole. And he’d want me to be happy, of course. But my brain is stupid sometimes, despite knowing all this.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Yoongi says, “You just need to fight that feeling.”

In the fading light, his hand finds yours. His fingers are warm, sending an electric shock through you. You hesitate before you give his fingers a squeeze. The reminder of human connection - having another person to hold you - grounds you back in reality, and the heavy weight on your chest lifts once more.

You walk back to the house in comfortable silence.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

Back in the warmth of the holiday home, you and Yoongi cook dinner together in the small kitchen. Outside the window, the scenery fades into black, until you can only see your reflection when you look through the glass. It feels cosy inside the house, cut off from the cold night.

Once you finish dinner, you and Yoongi go to the living room, and dig through the collection of DVDs that have been left there. After a bit of debate, you settle on Princess Mononoke and get comfortable on the sofa.

The evening rushes by, and you suddenly find yourself being shaken gently awake by Yoongi. He’s crouched over you, murmuring, “Wake up.” He’s so close you can make out the faint scent of his deodorant, musk and cedar. You blink, sitting up.

“Did I fall asleep?”

Yoongi chuckles, “Yeah. I figured I’d wake you up since that sofa’s not particularly comfy. As peaceful as you looked, I think if you’d slept like that all night, you’d have given yourself some serious back pain.”

“Thanks,” you stretch out, and stand up, “I guess all that sea air really tired me out.”

“It’ll do that to you,” Yoongi acknowledges.

You follow him up the stairs toward the bedrooms, body lethargic and head foggy.

You murmur goodnight to Yoongi, and shuffle into your room, half-asleep. You’re in the middle of searching through your bag for your toothbrush, when you hear a knock on the door.

You peek out to see Yoongi standing outside with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I know we were going to go to bed, but when I got to my room, I noticed that the sky’s really clear tonight. The stars look amazing. We should go out and take a look. If you’re not too tired that is.”

“Okay, sounds good,” you set down your toothbrush, the notion of bed abandoned for now.

You follow Yoongi back downstairs, pulling on your coat and scarf before you step out into the bitter cold of the frost.

The sky stretches out above you, stars shining bright. There’s no light pollution, no haze of orange from the city, it’s just the black of the sky, lit up with thousands of stars. There’s the hazy white glow of the milky way, casting its pattern over the sky, stars winking down. You can barely find your breath, so caught up in the majesty of the scene.

“Come on,” Yoongi says, “If we go further up the hill, we can see more of the sky without the house blocking it.”

You follow after him, down the road. He walks ahead of you, surefooted despite the dark, knowing the path well. “Hey, wait up,” you call behind him, “I can barely see. I know I’m going to trip.” You laugh at yourself.

Yoongi holds back for you, offering out his arm, “I can lead you.”

You take hold of him, linking your arm through his. With him guiding you, your pace increases as you walk away from the house, up the hill that rises behind it. At the very top, you can see out across the whole island, and the sea beyond, the moon a shining white globe reflected from the waves.

“Woah...” That’s all you can say. You don’t have any salient words to describe it.

“I love coming out here at night,” Yoongi says.

You stand, next to him, staring, entranced, at the stars. The sky seems to expand before you, a wide scope of blues and purples studded with white jewels scattering light that’s travelled so many years to end up in your view.

Despite your heavy coat, you find yourself shivering. The December night air is freezing against your exposed cheeks.

“You cold?” Yoongi asks, and you find your teeth chattering as you reply:

“Yes.”

Yoongi shifts closer, wrapping his arms around you. “Is that any better?”

You’re suddenly glad of the dark, as Yoongi cannot see the heat rising to your cheeks. His arms around you are warm. Hope surges in your chest that maybe Yoongi could possibly feel the same way about you as you do about him.

You stand in silence, staring up at the night’s sky with Yoongi’s arms around your frame. You’re not sure how long you stand there. It could be minutes. It could be hours. As you watch the stars shining down on you, a sudden crazy idea comes over you, one that it’s probably too early for. And yet, Yoongi’s arms around you promise that it’s okay, that you can move forward, that this is right.

With the stars as your witness, you stretch up and press a gentle kiss to Yoongi’s cheek, and hope it was the right move.

He freezes next to you, his arms rigid. Then, you feel his grip on you slipping as he pulls away.

Shame crashes into you.

“I...” his eyes are caught on yours, shining in the moonlight, “I don’t know If I’m ready for this yet.”

You swallow at the lump that’s building in your throat. Despite the cold, your body feels hot with embarrassment. “I shouldn't have done that,” you whisper.

Yoongi shakes his head, “No, I think I lead you on. I didn’t mean to. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like you. I really do. I like you so much. But I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship. Not after...” He heaves out a breath, eyes raising to the heavens. “Can you give me some time to think this over?”

You nod, “Yes, of course. I should have asked if it was okay to kiss you. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he breaks into a gentle smile, “You know how I feel about that word ‘sorry’.”

You laugh despite yourself, “Right. Of course.” You pause. “I feel so confused too, Yoongi. I really like you, honestly. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Because part of me thinks like I should only feel this way about my soulmate. But then again, Jin isn’t an asshole – and like you say, he’d want me to be happy. He’d want me to fall in love again. But this is difficult… it’s so difficult.”

Yoongi nods, his voice soft in the cold air. “Yeah, I know. I should have been more honest with you as well. Because I do like you. And I want to do things like hold your hand, and hug you, and even kiss you, but at the same time, I feel so… unready… for any of this.” He sighs, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you point at him, “You’re the one who keeps telling me not to overuse the word sorry.”

He laughs, “You’re right. I just… I didn’t mean to lead you on. I do like you. I just… I need some time to think about all of this.”

“That’s okay,” you say, “Take your time, and let me know. Just… don’t leave me hanging on forever, okay?”

“Okay,” he nods. His arm finds yours as you take the path back down to the house, his body warm beside you.

Your mind is rushing over his words as you walk back. A new hope flits in your chest at his admission that he likes you too. Yet there’s a terrible fear beyond that – a knowledge that despite the fact that he likes you, he might not be ready for you, ever. What if you’re just too eager to try something new, and you’re pushing aside all common sense to picture the two of you together?

By the time you reach the house, and crawl into bed, your thoughts are racing a mile a minute. You worry that there’s no way you can sleep like this, mind a mess of conflicting ideas. But after just a few moments in bed, the wold fades away, and you’re lost to dreams.

Ocean air will do that to you.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The next day, you are awkwardly silent at breakfast, remorseful for your sudden kiss with Yoongi, yet craving more. There’s a tight yearning in your chest as you sit across from him, chewing on a slice of toast while you guess at what’s going on in his head.

Still, Yoongi ploughs ahead as if nothing odd had happened between the two of you last night, “So, what would you like to do today?”

You give it some thought while you chew. “I’m not sure - I mean what is there to do here?”

“Well,” Yoongi stirs sugar into his coffee, “There are a few things we can do. If we head to the south of the island, we might be able to see some seals. To the north, theres a beautiful little beach we can check out. I’m afraid there’s not many activities to do here, but there’s lots of pretty things to see if you’re happy just walking around?”

You nod, “Yeah, that sounds nice. I’d like to see some seals I think.”

“Okay, to the south it is then,” he announces with a smile.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

That’s how you find yourself following Yoongi down a stony path to the south of the island. There’s a faint sea mist blowing in as you pick your way across the rocks, following a slope down past gnarled trees and tangled bushes.

Yoongi carries a bag filled with flasks of tea and sandwiches, while you’ve been gifted the privilege of carrying his camera to capture any seal sightings. The path curves down, running alongside a cliff face which rises up in front of you.

As you make your way down a particularly rough patch of rock, Yoongi slips in front of you, catching himself on the cliffside.

“You okay?” you reach his side in a few quick steps, filled with concern.

“Yeah, yeah, fine,” he winces, as he pushes himself off from the cliff face again, steadying himself on the path. He reachers for his forearm, and hisses in pain.

“Are you sure? That looks like it hurt.” You take a step forward, and reach for his arm, “Let me see.” You carefully start pulling up the sleeve of his shirt to inspect the damage below.

“No, it’s fine,” Yoongi pulls away from you, a firmness in his voice that you haven’t heard before, “It’s just a bruise. I’m fine.”

You swallow down your surprise at his tone, “Okay, so long as you’re sure it’s fine.”

He sighs, “Yes, it’s fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just… I’m okay. I don’t want you to worry.”

You give a small laugh, “What do you always say about the word ‘Sorry’?”

“Not to say it unless it’s meant,” Yoongi says, “But I really did mean it that time. I won’t snap like that again.”

“Okay,” you say, “So long as you’re not injured.”

“I promise I’m fine,” he assures you, as he continues down the path. You follow after him, all the more careful of where you’re putting your feet.

When you reach the south of the island, the fog has cleared, and you can see out across the glassy surface of the sea. Yoongi takes a seat on a granite outcropping overlooking the ocean, and you sit next to him, pushing wind-beaten hair back off your face.

Yoongi digs in his backpack and hands you a sandwich, before delving into the bag for his own lunch. You sit, taking careful bites, and staring out at the sea, waiting for something – anything – to break the surface of the water.

You’ve finished your sandwich, and most of your tea, when Yoongi gives you a gentle nudge, and points out at the water. Gazing down at the spot he’s indicated, you watch closely, unsure what he’s seen. Then you spot it, a sleek grey head poking out from the water, before it submerges again. There’s no mistaking it. That’s a seal. You grab at the camera hung around your neck, fumbling with the ‘On’ switch.

Carefully, you bring the viewfinder to your eye, and just as the seal peeks up from the surface again, you snap a picture of it, checking the photo on the digital display. “Look, I got it,” you show Yoongi.

He leans closer to check the screen, his breath warm on your skin as he gets near. The feeling of his warmth brings up memories of the night before, and you fight to keep the heat from rising through your body.

“Looks good,” Yoongi nods with approval, “Oh, it’s coming closer!”

You look up to see the grey body diving below the surface of the water, swimming closer to the rocky bay beyond the outcropping you’re sitting on.

Holding your breath, you watch as the seal heaves itself onto the land, and lugs itself inelegantly to a rock, where it settles, basking in the rarely seen winter sun.

Carefully, you raise the camera again, catching the scene before you, scared the entire time that the seal is going to move before you can take a photo. However, the seal seems completely content, sitting on its rock, eyes closed.

“Woah,” Yoongi breaths, “I’ve never seen one so close before.”

“Me neither,” you whisper back.

You sit quietly with Yoongi, watching the seal. It seems perfectly calm, occasionally checking around, before it closes its eyes again and returns to sunning itself. You could sit there for hours, holding your breath, but you’re distracted from the scene by a sound behind you.

You turn around to see a little boy, who can only be seven years old, scrambling down the rocky path that you and Yoongi had come from. Scanning the area around you, you cannot see any parents close by. A warning sparks in your head. You nudge Yoongi. “Hey, do you think that kid’s lost?”

Yoongi glances behind you, then swivels his head, glancing around the area. “Shit, probably.”

You stand up carefully, and wave over at the child.

He pauses, hesitates, then waves back.

You approach him, with a gentle smile, “Hi there, where are your parents?”

The kid rubs at his nose with the cuff of his coat and blinks up at you, “Don’t know. Don’t care. Wanted to see the seals so I ran off.”

“Oh,” you scan around, “Well, your parents are probably worried about you if you ran off.”

“‘s fine,” he insists, “They think I’m too young to go off by m’slef, but I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Your brain races. You should get the child back to his parents. The island is surrounded by steep cliffs and choppy waters. It’s not safe for a child to be out by himself. Yet this kid seems stubborn and won’t accept help if you simply offer it to him. You give him a smile, “Well, there’s a seal on the beach down there. If you’re good, you can see if. But you’ve got to promise to go back to your parents after.”

His frown disappears from his face, giving you a smile, “Really? I can see one?”

“Sure you can. But you gotta be quiet or you’ll scare it off.”

“‘kay.” He mimes zipping his lips shut. You help him across the stones to the spot where Yoongi is sat, watching you.

“What’s your name?” you ask him as you lift him over a particularly large boulder.

“Taehyung,” the boy responds, as he balances on the boulder and then scrambles down the other side.

You reach the stone where Yoongi sits, and Taehyung takes a seat next to him.

“Look, down there,” you whisper to the boy, pointing at the seal sunning itself on the rock.

Taehyung’s eyes widen as he stares down, drinking in the sight. “Wow,” he breaths, then claps a hand over his mouth, and glances at you. “Sorry,” he whispers theatrically, “I’ll be quiet – starting now.”

You stifle a laugh at the young boy, glancing over his mop of brown hair at Yoongi, who smiles back at you. There’s something distant in his eyes that you can’t quite put your finger on.

The three of you sit in silence watching the seal until it flops over and pulls itself back to the sea, where it plunges into the grey depths, and disappears from your view.

“Alright,” you say, “Now, Taehyung, you gotta go back to your parents like you promised.”

Taehyung sticks out his bottom lip, and for a second you worry he��s going to refuse, but then he nods, “Alright.”

“Good,” you say, “Do you know where they’re staying? We’ll walk you there.”

He nods, standing up, and scrambling over the rocks, back up the way that he came. “They’re in the village.”

“Okay,” you follow after him, as Yoongi walks behind.

You take the pathway back up the hill, following the cliff face up to the top of the island. On the more perilous sections of pathway, you call Taehyung back to your side, and ask him to hold your hand. He does so obediently, his hand small in your own, tiny fingers gripping tight.

You manage to reach the village without any difficulty. Taehyung leads you to one of the holiday homes nearby. “This is where we’re staying,” he says.

You knock on the door, but nobody answers. You try again, while Yoongi attempts to peer through the window.

“I don’t think they’re here,” Yoongi says as you try a third knock, just for luck.

“No,” you say, “I suppose they’re probably out looking for Taehyung.”

Taehyung glances up at you, “Where are they?” You notice a small tremble in his voice, as he the realisation dawns on him that they aren’t where he thought they would be.

“They’re probably out looking for you,” you tell him, “I’m sure they’ll come back here soon though. We’ll just have to wait for them.”

Taehyung shivers in his coat, and gives his nose another rub. “But I’m hungry. Wanna go home now.”

You glance around the village. “I suppose we could go and get some food.”

“I’ll get some,” Yoongi suggests, “You two stay here in case the parents show up while I’m gone.”

“Okay,” you nod, and watch Yoongi follow the winding road down to the grocery shop.

With a sigh, you take a seat on the steps in front of Taehyung’s house. He sits next to you.

“Will my parents be back soon?” he asks.

“I’m sure they will,” you say, “They’re out looking for you at the moment, but they’ll come back here.”

“I didn’t think they’d go out looking for me,” Taehyung says, “Thought they’d just stay here.”

“Well of course they’re looking for you,” you say, “They’re probably really worried about you. It’s not safe for a little boy to be out on the island by himself.”

“Why?” Taehyung asks.

“Well,” you consider, “There are lots of things that you need to be careful of out here. Like the cliffs. If you weren’t careful, you might fall down. There’s also the sea. It’s rough, and when it gets stormy the waves get really high. If you stood too close to sea, you could get swept up by the tides.”

Taehyung thinks about this. “But if that happened, I’d get some really cool injuries. And my soulmate will see all these tattoos, so she’d think I’m really cool.”

“Or she might get worried,” you say. “You wouldn’t want to worry her, would you.”

The little boy thinks about this. “I guess not...”

“So you gotta be careful, okay, Taehyung?”

He nods, silent. As you wait for Yoongi to return, he kicks at a rock by the side of the step, chewing on a ragged nail. “Are you and that man you’re with soulmates?” he asks.

“No,” you say, “We’re not.”

“Oh,” Taehyung continues to chew on his nail, “I thought you were. You seem like you are. Like my mum and dad.”

“Well,” you consider, “I think there’s more than one way to be a soulmate to someone. We don’t share tattoos or anything like that, but we’re good for each other, so I suppose in that way we could be soulmates.”

Taehyung frowns, confused by your words. “So you are soulmates?”

“Kinda,” you say, “I suppose we’re kinda like soulmates.”

Taehyung suddenly points behind you, “Hey look, there’s my parents!”

You glance up to see Yoongi walking with a couple, who speed up when they notice the boy waving next to you.

“Oh, Taehyung, thank goodness,” the mother sweeps him into a hug, “I was so worried.”

The father follows behind, his cloudy face suddenly easing into a smile as the worry slips away.

“Are you alright?” the mother pulls away, inspecting her son.

“Yeah, I’m fine. The nice lady showed me a seal.”

The mother glances up at you. “Thank you so much for taking care of him. Your partner met us in the grocery store. We were just looking in there and we happened to bump into him. Thank you.” Her gratitude keeps bubbling over, as you try to convince her it’s okay, and you only did what anyone else would have done in your shoes.

“Let us thank you in some way,” the father insists, as he clasps you hand firmly, giving it a shake, “At least let me buy you and your partner some drinks or something.”

That’s how you and Yoongi find yourself walking back to the holiday house, loaded down with a bottle of wine, and the most expensive chocolates that could be bought at the one grocery store in the village.

Inside, the house is cold. Yoongi scrambles to turn the heating on while you pour out a glass of wine for yourself, and one for Yoongi.

You bring the glasses into the living room, and sit down on the sofa. The alcohol is warm on your throat, smooth and silky. It goes down easy. Yoongi returns from switching the heating on, and takes a seat next to you, picking up the glass you poured him.

His fingers trail absent mindedly around the rim of the glass, but he doesn’t take a sip. There’s an edge to the air coming off him, a slight bitterness that you don’t like. A question hangs on your tongue, but you are unsure how to word it. You place a careful hand on his shoulder, and feel him tense below your touch, before he relaxes against you.

“Are you okay?” you ask. Your voice is huskier than you would like. There is a soft shake to it.

He glances across at you, “Huh? Um…” He licks his lips, “I don’t know. Today was weird for me.” He glances down at the crimson wine in his glass, swirls it around, and takes a swig before he turns to you. “Sorry, it’s just… seeing you with that kid today...” He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it dishevelled, standing on end. “I suppose I haven’t told you much about my soulmate or how I lost her. I probably should. I mean, if we’re going to… if I’m going to...” He swallows. “There’s a lot you don’t know of me and my life. And I think you should know before you consider getting romantically entangled with me.”

You nod, “So tell me.”

He hesitates, teeth worrying his bottom lip. “Okay.” He downs the rest of the wine, and sets the empty glass on the floor. “Well, the reason I struggled with today is because I’m not really good around kids. But you seemed so good with Taehyung. You dealt with him really well. It broke my heart, because it reminded me of how my soulmate used to be. Sorry, I’m sure you don’t really want to hear about how you remind me of my soulmate.”

“Hey, what do we say about the word ‘Sorry’?” you remind him.

He laughs, despite the edge in his voice, “You’re right. I actually got that from my soulmate as well. She had a thing about saying ‘Sorry’. Passed it on to me. Only ever said sorry when she really meant it.” He shakes his head, “I’m getting off track. What I’m saying is that my soulmate was great with kids. She loved them. Really wanted to be a mother one day. So, when we felt we were ready, we started trying to have a baby. And she got pregnant. It was nice. She was so happy, so excited for this baby. It was a little girl. We were going to call her ‘Daisy’. But, before the baby was due, things went wrong. I won’t go into details, but, we lost the baby.” He swallows, as if he has more to say but the words won’t come out yet.

You want to say something, offer him some kind of encouragement, but you’re not sure what to do. You’re not sure how you can help. You’ve never gone through anything like that. You and Jin had never tried to have children. Maybe further down the line. But it wasn’t something that had ever been on your mind. Your hand finds Yoongi’s knee. You rub gentle circles – the only comfort you know how to provide.

He heaves a breath and continues. “Well, that broke her. She was usually so happy, but something went wrong after she lost the baby. She became depressed. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep. She kept blaming herself, even though there was nothing she could have done. I tried to take care of her as best I could, but I still couldn’t...” His shoulders shake. He bows his head, his fringe falling over his eyes. “I couldn’t save her,” he whispers.

The realisation dawns on you. He doesn’t need to say it. The thought takes the breath out of your lungs. You can’t images what it would be like to loose a soulmate in that way. When you lost Jin, you can look back on the last times you shared together as happy memories. The night that Jin died, he had phoned you just before he got in the car. He had been so excited to see you that night. He had been happy right until the moment when his life was cut short. When you thought of your life with him it was filled with happiness. There was no shadow hanging over your final moments like there was with Yoongi and his soulmate.

There are no words. You lean into Yoongi, wrapping your arms around him, and hope that he can feel all your sympathy and your care through the heat of your body holding his.

“I keep thinking that I should have done things differently. That if I’d taken better care of her, she wouldn’t have done it.” His voice is shaky, thick with pain.

You squeeze him, hands rubbing his back, “You can’t think like that, Yoongi. You can’t blame yourself for things like that.”

“I know,” he shudders against you, a sob forcing itself past his lips. You can feel him fighting to control his body, to reign back the pain.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time,” you murmur.

He falls silent, burying his head in the crook of your neck. You can feel the damp of tears on your skin. You pull him closer to you, sitting like this for what feels like an eternity, processing what Yoongi has told you.

When he lifts his head there are no more tears, his face flushed, his nose pink. “This is why I’m hesitant to get involved in any kind of romance,” he explains.

You nod, “You’ve gone through so much. I can’t even imagine the pain you’ve suffered.”

“Knowing that, do you still think you’d want to try things with me?” he asks.

You swallow, “Yes. I’m willing. I know Jin would want me to try to find love. And I’m sure your soulmate would want that too. It sounds like she was a kind woman who suffered greatly.”

Yoongi nods, “Yeah. She was wonderful. And she wouldn’t want me to live the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself...”

“I want to give us a go,” you say, “If you are ready to try as well.”

He nods, “Yeah. I’m ready.”

You lean over, your lips grazing his cheek again, a repeat of the kiss you stole before, but with the certainty that he wants the same. He pulls you closer, your mouth inches from his. Your heart rate accelerates, eyes caught in his own gaze. His breath ghosts against your cheek. You’ve never kissed anyone beside your soulmate. It almost felt like it isn’t allowed. But you do it anyway.

When his lips connect to yours the world doesn’t end. There’s no sudden rush of guilt. There’s no lightning to strike you down, and tell you that you broke the rules. There’s nothing but the warmth of Yoongi, his lips soft, tasting of wine. It feels good. You relax into the kiss, tongue careful, tracing out the new shape of his mouth. You pull apart, your head heavy and breath short.

Yoongi offers you a smile, “That felt nice.”

It’s strange to say, yet you know exactly what he means. You are not sure what you expected, but the warmth and acceptance feels good. You lean into Yoongi, your lips finding his again.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

After dinner, and a few more glasses of wine, you find yourself traipsing up the staircase to bed. In the landing, Yoongi pauses by his door, hand on the knob. “Hey,” his voice is soft, “Could I ask a favour of you?”

“Of course,” you turn back to him at your own door, waiting for him to continue.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” he admits, “Would you like to stay with me?” He pauses, his cheeks colouring as he quickly rushes to add, “I’m not suggesting anything. I know we’ve only kind of started this new step in our relationship, so I’m not asking you to have sex or anything. I just want company tonight.”

“Of course,” you smile, “That’s fine, Yoongi. I understand.”

His shoulder relax, and the frown that had been forming on his face fades.

You retreat to your own room to change into your pyjamas, before returning to his room, where you crash onto his bed.

“You were right about the view from here,” you comment, glancing up at the skylight where the stars wink down.

“Told you this is the best room.” Yoongi crawls into bed next to you, pulling the duvet around the both of you. The room is cold, but his body is hot under the blanket, only the thin layer of fabric from your pyjama shirt separating you from his heat.

The only light in the room comes from the moon, shining down through the skylight, bathing the two of you in a white glow.

You find his body under the sheets with your searching hands, and pull yourself closer to him. He lets you find a comfy spot, snuggled up next to him, your head resting on his chest. He ducks his head to place a careful kiss on your forehead.

The feeling is comforting, warm – a promise that he’s there for you.

You stare up at the stars above, comfortable in the silence that cushions the two of you, holding each other, promising each other that you’ll hold back the loneliness you’ve been suffering for so long.

You find yourself slipping towards sleep in the moonlit quiet.

Yoongi’s voice breaks through the silence, soft and gentle on your ears. “I want to show you my tattoos,” he whispers.

Your breath catches in your throat. The tattoos left on the soulmate-less are incredibly personal. Everyone knows what they are – a white lily over the heart, where the beating life force has ceased in their partner. But the exact shape of the flowers, the way they mark the skin, are unique to each individual. For some, there are other marks left behind as well, marks of the injuries suffered just before death. You don’t like to think about them. “Okay,” you say.

With your breath caught in your throat, you detach yourself from Yoongi as he sits up, lifting his shirt over his head, and exposing the fair skin of his chest. This part of his body has not seen the sun in a long time. There on his chest is the white lily, like your own, petals curling out from the heart. But it’s the other marks that hurt to see. They speak of an individual who was so hurt they saw no other way out. Rose petals spilling out down his forearms to his wrists, bright red and tragic. Carefully, you trace your finger along the line of rose petals on his right forearm, before your eyes rise to meet his gaze.

“Yoongi...” your voice trails off, not sure what you can say. Nothing can make the pain he suffered right - you can only offer to stay by his side and support him moving forward. Now his aversion to you lifting the sleeves of his shirt earlier makes sense. You swallow. “I want to show you my tattoos as well... If that’s okay?”

Yoongi nods, and you take a deep steadying breath before your pull your shirt over your head, exposing yourself to Yoongi - white lily spilling out over your breast.

Yoongi takes in the tapestry on your body. “You’ve been through a lot of pain as well,” he murmurs.

You feel a sting behind your eyes at his acknowledgement. Of course, it’s been painful. It’s always painful. But pain only shows that you had something that was worth having, worth protecting. You’ll protect what you have with Yoongi. You’ll try again with a new person in your life, a new love. It won’t replace the old life you had, or the old love you had. It’s something new and different.

Yoongi pulls you closer to him on the mattress, and leans down, pressing a kiss to the white petals by your collar bone.

You melt into his arms, snuggling down against him, warm skin on warm skin. Enveloped by the blankets, drunk on wine and the scent of Yoongi’s cologne, you finally accept that you’re happy – and that you’re allowed to be.

“I like this,” you murmur, your lips close to the soft skin of Yoongi’s neck, tracing the curve up to the shell of his ear. “I like being with you.”

His arms around your waist pull you a little closer, a little firmer. “I like it too,” he says, “I wish it could all be like this.”

“Then let’s make this how it is,” you say, “It doesn’t need to be anything else. If I can just spend time in your arms, I’ll be happy.”

“Then you’ve got a lot of hugs in your future,” Yoongi says, “I guarantee it.”

You snuggle down into his warmth, drinking in the feeling of belonging that his arms provide. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this way, it’s bittersweet. You feel the sting of tears behind your eyelids. Of course, even when you’re happy, the tears follow.

“Hey,” Yoongi pulls away for a second, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you assure, wiping at your cheek, “I’m just so happy. They’re good tears, I promise.”

“Okay,” Yoongi relaxes, and you snuggle down next to him again, “So long as you promise that they’re happy tears.”

You sniff, and wipe at the few remaining traces of salt with your hand before you return to cuddling Yoongi again.

“You know what,” you say to the silence circulating above the bed, “I didn’t even realise, but today was Christmas Eve, wasn’t it?”

“Oh yeah,” Yoongi reaches across you to his bedside table, his phone screen cutting through the white light of the moon, “You’re right.” The numbers two and four stare back at you from his phone screen.

“Well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” you admit, “I was so sure I was going to be miserable on Christmas.”

“Me too,” Yoongi admits, “So thanks for that.”

You smile as he sets his phone down and you snuggle together on the warm mattress. “This will be my first Christmas without Jin,” you admit, “I’m glad I’m not spending it alone.”

“I’m glad you’re not alone either,” Yoongi says.

Above you, the moon winks down, casting its light over the two of you. You know somewhere out there, beyond the waves breaking on the island cliffs, on the mainland, people are getting ready for the holidays, setting presents under trees, leaving out milk and cookies for Santa. The thought doesn’t fill you with the empty void of sadness it once did.

You had a happy chapter of your life with your soulmate, but this isn’t the end of your story. You find Yoongi’s hand and give it a squeeze. He squeezes back, and you know there’s more to life than the pain you suffered. This is the start of a new chapter.

- ✻ ✻ ✻ -

The January air is crisp as you step outside of your house, and lock the door behind you. Today is the first meeting of the White Lily Support Group after the Christmas holidays. You and Yoongi have decided to go together. As you walk to the bus stop, you check on your phone, where Yoongi has messaged you:

“Hurry up. I’m waiting for you outside the church and its bloody cold!”

You laugh. Even in text, you can hear his voice coming through clearly.

“I’m on my way,” you text back.

Your holiday with Yoongi is over, and the two of you have returned to the city, met by the dregs of Christmas celebrations spilling over into the new year.

You’ve pushed forward with your relationship. There have been bad days – days when Yoongi is filled with grief, when it’s almost too much to leave the house. There have been good days – days when the two of you remember what you have together, and cherish the memories you’ve been left with.

Starting a new relationship after a tragedy is tough, for both of you, but you’re willing to make it work.

You think back over the past couple of days you’ve had as you sit on the bus, watching the city streets pass in a blur. You’re glad to have Yoongi by your side now.

When you had recounted your holiday to Hana, she had been so excited for you, encouraging you, and offering you any help that she could. You’re incredibly grateful to her for all that she’s done for you.

You step off the bus, heading for the church, its spire towering at the top of the high street. Yoongi is standing below it, bathed in the lights shining out from the stained glass windows, bundled up in his coat.

You run the last few steps to meet him, pulling him into your arms for greeting. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“It’s fine,” he presses a gentle kiss to your hairline. “I wasn’t waiting too long.”

You swallow. This will be the first time you and Yoongi attend the support group as an official couple. Part of you feels scared at the prospect of explaining how the two of you came to be together, despite not being soulmates. You push this thought off.

After all, there’s more than one way to have a soulmate. You don’t need the tattoos to tell you that Yoongi makes you happy.

He takes your hand in his own, giving your fingers a gentle squeeze. That’s all you need. The simple reassurance that it will be okay.

You both step into the church, and take the spiral stairway together.

You get a few curious glances when you enter the meeting room, fingers interlocked. Joyce gives you a smile when she spots the two of you, and that look washes your worries away. Of course there would be no judgement. Everyone here knows what its like to loose someone. But everyone here is also searching for what it means to find someone again, whether that solace comes through friendship, family, or a new romance.

A calm settles in your soul. You’re going to be okay.

As you take a seat around the circle, Anita offers a kind smile to the group.

“I hope you’ve all had a nice holiday period,” she says, “I know that some of us have been struggling this time of year. How has it been for you all?”

“Well,” Joyce speaks up, “I got to spend the holidays with my daughters. It was strange for them spending Christmas without their father, but they’re doing really well. They helped me cook dinner, and we exchanged gifts and it was a really lovely day. I’m glad I have them to help me with everything.”

Anita smiles, “I’m glad to hear that Joyce. Does anyone else have anything they want to share?”

Wilma raises her hand timidly, “I had a nice Christmas too. My friend invited me to celebrate Christmas with her this year. We had a party. It was good fun.” She falls silent again. You find it hard to image Wilma in a party setting. She’s so shy, and so wispy, you fear she’d get pushed into a wall in the back corner, but she seems genuinely happy, her smile concealing fond memories of her holiday.

“Great, it’s so good to hear your friend is supporting you,” Anita says, “It’s good to have friends you can rely on.”

Her eyes move around the rest of the group, “Anyone else have anything they want to share?” Her eyes linger over Yoongi, before she moves on, as if she’s given up on him ever talking in Support Group.

He’s about to surprise her. He clears his throat, and her eyes dart back to him. “I had a nice Christmas this year as well, which… I honestly wasn’t expecting.” He glances over to you with a smile, and with his hand in your own, he relays the story of your trip to the island. For once, he speaks up, and you realise that this is the first time he’s laid himself bare to the group – the first time he’s admitted that he needs help and that it’s okay to accept it.

Slowly, slowly, he is healing. And slowly, slowly, so are you.

- THE END -

➸ author’s note: i find it quite difficult to write about grief, but i’m hoping that i did this story justice. it’s a tricky subject to tackle, as everyone has their own unique experiences with loss. hopefully i was able to cover the topic in a sensitive way... if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

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