#queer vent

[drakkonyan]

Let me out this vessel

#art #myart #digital art #trans #transgender #non binary #nonbinary #gender dysphoria #body dysphoria #species dysphoria #tw dysphoria #vent #vent art #im better now dw #xenogender #xenogenders #xenogender flag #mogai #therian #xenic #gender shit #genderfluid #genderqueer #mogai gender #queer #queer art #trans art #queer vent #Otherkind #my art

[thunderjackal]

Hello people I am here once again with something I wrote. I've been thinking lots about my asexuality and coming to terms with it, and I don't think I really understood how much it would mean to have an asexual character to look to project onto (enter Jon Sims guys). I'm rambling now but I basically used him as way to explore my feelings about asexuality that I've struggled to put into words for the longest times.

I know some of my friend will probably read this and you guys are my metaphorical Martin here

anyway enough of me and more of that thing I wrote

Jon wasn’t even sure he knew what love was. The very idea was alienating, for the world had leaned down and whispered into his ear, the very world that had created him. And it told him, to be human was to love. To be human was to create. To create love and life with your own body.

But he could never. No- perhaps he could, if he sacrificed enough of himself, tore every part of himself to shreds, burned himself at the stake, cleaned that sour taste from his mouth and rid himself of the terror and numbness that coursed through his heart, all for the one who would 

show him the wonders of ‘love’

But he had lived enough life to know that ‘one’ was never coming. He had lived enough life to know it was a lie he told himself, all through his youth and into his adulthood, and one he no doubt would continue to tell himself, no matter how much he tried to doubt it.

For to be broken one must be able to be fixed.

And what was he if not broken?

At times he felt as if he was running for his life, outrunning fate. For it was everywhere, in the yellowed pages of books, on the captivating neon screens, in the strangers who passed by him in the street, in those he called friend, in jest and games, in cathartic and emotionally driven art, in soulful song. For it was in his very existence.

There were times when his lungs would scream for air and all he could taste was rotten blood on his tongue. There were times where he stood numb as those around him amused themselves in a jest he could not share, where they used it as a connection between one another, a connection he could not share, where those he wished a connection with used it as a form of emotional closeness. And that numbness that overtook his body and the walls he built to protect his heart and soul pushed them away, even when he desired, wanted, needed to be close to them.

For he was told he could not run forever. 

For he was told it would catch up with him eventually.

For he was told he would grit his teeth and bare it.

For he was told it was to be human.

And it terrified him.

He did not want any part of it.

Not even to perceive. Or feel anything of the like.

He was drowning. And drowning fast.

For he was told he could not escape it forever.

And he believed it. Believe them who sold him a lie, like one sells time to a clock or inspiration to the muse.

So when the man who had changed his entire world came into focus, who he loved beyond measure and reason, he told himself he was not in love.

For he was broken, incapable of such love.

That is why when that man had told him he didn't care, that he could live and love and dream and share the most intimate and tender moments of his life with Jon, all without it. Told him that there was no fixing him. That he was never truly broken. Told him that he was not the green eyed monster he had built himself up to be. Told him that his crown of loneliness and life of isolation he had resigned to was false.

It had changed him.

That man had told him they could lie for a million years together in the soft earth, slowly being overtaken by the weeds and wildflowers, and he would never mention a word, and never would his hands wander over his skin. He told him they would remain like that, hand in hand, discrete and content.

And that is how their story goes.

They lived a thousand days and breathed a million breaths, all without a mention of it.

They laid in that field for millennia, so long that they’d become the flowers, so long that the foxes had known their taste.

Jon hadn’t known the meaning of ‘home’ either. But maybe he was home with that man, no- that man was his home.

#TJ writes stuff #tma #feel kind of bad tagging this with tma #the magnus archives #asexual #aspec #aroace #aromantic #arospec #acespec #queer #lgbt+ #vent #vent post #tw vent #cw vent #a vent of some kind #happy vent #queer vent #writing #writers on tumblr #can you guys tell the last part was like pulled from Hoziers in a week #because that song encapsulates all my emotions in a way i cant even describe

[dillenial]

Man, I fucking hate hating fucking. Because like I wanna have a meaningful romantic relationship, idec with who as long as they are human, and vaguely similar in age to myself. But EVERYONE JUST WANT TO FUCK OR BE FUCKED. I mean not literally everyone, but I'm one of two of the only asexual I've ever met in my life. I just hate being a big romantic dumb loser but also having anyone I try to build a romantic relationship with doubt that because I'm don't want to fuck or be fucked by them.

#asexual vent #asexual #romantic asexual #lgbtqia vent #vent #queer vent

[disgustingposer]

yall transfems / non-binary / agender / any gnc rlly feel invalidated in ur identity bc you "act" and "dress" masculine, like i cant express my genderlessness bc of my clothes and body and i want to kill myself

#transgender #lgbqia #lgbt pride #non binary #tw sui ideation #life is pain #queer vent #queer community #non-binary #stoneflower's brainrot

[coolspork]

I hate to defend men but uh. Sometimes when I (bi butch transmasc) am in sapphic or afab dominant spaces/around other xlw queer ppl the misandry gets a little out there and then they hit me with the "don't worry tho when I'm talking about men I don't mean *you* you're different" right after spending like 20 minutes saying some of the most objectifying and dehumanizing blanket degrading statements about not just men but ppl who are attracted to men?? And it's never about any of the actual toxic masculinity or dangerous gender roles they're quickly brushing past to just dunk on men as a category.

Like yea sure I'm not a cis guy but it's weird to me that you're drawing arbitrary lines in the sand that divide the human population between morally pure genders and morally corrupt genders. I think you have a problem

Editing this so no one gets the wrong idea: the point of this post is that trying to assign morality based on gender identity is literally how TERFs target transfems and to a much lesser extent transmascs. Transwomen, transfems, and amab non-binary people are actively harmed by this kind of arbitrary line drawing because it legitimizes the TERF idea that there is a valid reason to be suspicious of someone based on their gender. TERFs don't care how you identify, they're bioessentialists. Validating their belief that one gender is inherently more trustworthy or morally upright than another just opens the door for them to try and claim that someone belongs in the "bad" category because of "biology". The vilification of masculinity has been used over and over again against queer folks even by other queer folks. Transfems and sapphics are almost always on the receiving end. The point of queer liberation is to decouple ourselves from cis het ideologies about "masc strong and violent and scary, fem weak and helpless and innocent" the latter is easily more visible because feminism really shines a spotlight on it. Femininity, regardless of its wearer, is ascribed traditionally as weakness, and feminism seeks to combat that stereotype. On the other hand though Masculinity is getting the opposite treatment and while there is certainly not as much stigma around masculinity the idea that femininity can be decoupled from gender roles while masculinity must remain rigid basically just gives terfs, racists, and anyone else who wants to find a way to put ppl down a new box to throw folks at. Allowing masculinity to become an innately oppositional identity means throwing a lot of people under the bus whether or not they choose to identify with it. Anyone that straddles eurocentric gender lines is at risk. The point here is not "oh no men oppressed" the point is that in seeking our own liberation from labels and tradition we shouldn't put someone else further back into that box because the existence of the box means there's somewhere for bigots hiding behind our communities to try and dispose of members they don't like.

You want to escape the meat grinder? Great. Now get rid of rhe meat grinder all together so no one uses it while you're not looking. And maybe don't throw other people into it while you're escaping.

TL;DR: Demonize the patriarchy, not the masculine.

#THIS POST IS SPECIFICALLY ABOUT BEING IN QUEER SPACES. I KNOW MISANDRY ISN'T WIDESPREAD IN THE MAJORITY OF THE WORLD. PLEASE READ THE POST #nblm #trans mlm #vent post #queer vent #this is where i run into so much biphobia personally

[rainmothseventeen]

Holding vs having

I don't feel much like anything at all. I feel so inhuman. Like someone's dug their hands into my chest and ripped it out of me.

I feel guilty for wanting, for loving and longing. It's not my place to stop you from being in love with anything.

It's not even about that. It's never been about that you were like a muse. I used you to stop myself from focusing on the guilt from just being.

Because I think it hurt less to feel bad for something I could distance myself from.

I want to throw myself against a wall and tear all my skin off and let my tears sting the exposed layers of flesh and let myself bleed out on the ground of the place I spent so long sitting in my own bitter hatred of everything and everyone, it was all a hoax, none of it was real. It was to trick my mind into thinking I was something I could live with.

I feel inhuman. I feel like that's something you can only really take from yourself. People can coax it from you but in the end you're the one who gives it up. Slides it across the table, takes the pill, feels it slip down your throat and fall into the pit they've emptied for it. They've hollowed out a place to force themselves into your body and beg for your humanity, hold onto it above your head like a piece of meat in front of a dog.

Sometimes you stand in front of your mirror image and you really can't find anything at all. It's a gnawing sort of feeling, not like hunger, not quite, but a little itch in the bottom of your gut that creeps around you and hugs you from behind like an old friend, like a cardigan.

You wouldn't feel prickles in your own feet as you wouldn't feel the blood filling your mouth and wrapping it's delicate hands around your throat, choking you like long heavy tears, wrapping you up like warm milk.

I want a comfortable silence. I want dazed lucid kisses and arms that wrap around and carry you like smoke. It's not going to work out. I'm sorry. I'll name every moment after you.

You told me that I loved people like Gods. And you're right. And I'd let you break me like you made me to break. And I'd wait for you to look at the bloody mess I'd made with the kitchen knife and my guilt.

#poetry #poetry blog #queer #spilled thoughts #love letters #queer vent #vent ish #queer guilt #trans guilt #grooming vent

[jaspynonikki]

queer life in turkey is like your own team fucking despising you. our shithead of a president calls us terrorists and "perverse ideology having creeps who desire to ruin the family structure" (whatever the fuck THAT means). its tiring to live in a homophobic household, space and fucking country. the worst part is no other political party is any good, either. its hell for queer turkish men, women and children/adults alike.

#queer #queer vent #lgbtqia #lgbtq vent #turkey #homophobia warning

[theperksofbeingannoying]

I want to get this all off my chest and quick. This is a vent. Check the hashtags for TWs please.

I’m mostly going over my experience as a queer Romanian teenager. I don’t have a platform, nor any kind of a following so I doubt anyone will ever see this. But for whoever is out there and came across my story, thank you. Someone once said that an artist’s legacy can never truly die because of the internet. They said it as a bad thing in that context but today, I’ve decided to honor my legacy and not let it die. Even if it’s not a strong one at all. Even if probably no one cares. I don’t care either. I’ll put this out there for whoever is interested in a different perspective. Or maybe, just maybe, you’re like me. Maybe you’re a gay Romanian looking for comfort. Maybe you have a shitty family or maybe you have shitty friends and you want closure. You want to confirm that we truly are everywhere. Well, I’m here to do just that. So, there it goes:

I have two cousins around my age. They’re not really my cousins but I talk to them like they were, think about them like they were and call them my cousins. We’re actually just very distant law-relatives. But they are as important to me as a cousin might be.

There’s a boy exactly my age. Which, for whoever knows is the age you normally take the EN (National Evaluation) in Romania. Then, there’s a girl five years, or so I think, younger than us. I usually have fun with them. We talk and joke around and ask tons of questions because we don’t see eachother often.

They’re on my mind because for the first time in 6 months I saw them. I spent two full days with them in the countryside. Everything was going so well. And everything went well until the end. Until the overthinking, that is. And this overthinking kept telling me the same thing over and over and over again.

What if this is the last time you see them?

Or, that is to say, the last time they want to see me. The question if we would make it simpler would be: What if they find out?

This “What if they found out?” has been the bane of my existence since I first learned I was bisexual. Here, people don’t take that kind of news especially well. My parents wouldn’t take it well, nor would the rest of my family. But I don’t think about that because I don’t get crushes often. Because the chance of my actually having a girlfriend is close to zero. However, I’ve been catching feelings for a girl I’ve met in acting class. I thought about her this whole weekend. She was the only thing on my mind when I wasn’t hanging out with my cousins. And that got me thinking.

What if it’s going to become a reality? What if the fact that I have a girlfriend will come up? What if someone finds out? What, then?

These questions are swimming through my head as I’m writing this rant. Who would be by my side? Who would shush my name? I think about the cousins. What will they say? Then, suddenly, like blunt force to the head it hits me. With a quick dash of realization it hits me.

They wouldn’t speak to me ever again.

The boy is an avid fan of toxic advice from the likes of Andrew Tate. He assured me he’s not a Tate fan, though. He doesn’t support his views on women. But does everything else. He makes casual homophobic comments which shouldn’t mean anything but they throw me forcefully out of the conversation and into a bottomless pit of self doubt.

The girl, however, she’s young. Impressionable and young. In my family that means she’s doomed. With all those slur yelling, joke making homophobes what young person can escape? Especially if you’re not queer. I almost didn’t escape and I am queer.

So, in those nice moments of bonding that we have and the nice little chats that we hold sometimes shivers run up my spine. What if? The questions ring and yell.

The boy makes a joke. What if?

The girl laughs at somebody. What if?

The family makes their daily comment. What if? What if? What if?

Of course, I wouldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let myself get outed. Unfortunately, you don’t have autonomy on those kinds of things. I wouldn’t even protect a fellow member of the community in front of them, nor shame them. I live in a kind of purgatory. My family is wealthy enough. At least after my grandma dies. I’ll stand up for us after my grandma dies. Yet, something tells me I still won’t. Why? Because I’m a coward, that’s why.

I look gay, I really do. They don’t want to notice that though. I live in an entirely don’t ask, don’t tell family, specifically with my parents. They would much rather like to blindly pretend than actually care for their child. Moreover, their different child. I’ve always been a different child and for that, I am doomed. Again, another endless painful purgatory.

I walk the earth between the hateful and the tolerant; my people and their people.

Us v. Them.

That’s what is playing over and over again in my head. And soon tears will start filling my eyes with the ideology. Am I part of us or will they see me otherwise? Will they see the masculine, short haired afab who doesn’t dare stand up and curse at me in their spinning thoughts. They see me, clearly one of us, marching with the others. I don’t want to be that. But, alas, what if?

I like my cousins. I wish I could see them growing up. I wish they could see me growing up. They always compliment me on my knowledge and my work. They look up to me and relate to me.

The boy relates to me because of our age. I like talking with him about that. He’ll get high scores on the EN, I just know it.

The girl relates to me because of our gender. I like talking with her about it. She’ll make a great feminist one day. Shame, that I won’t be able to see it.

I won’t be able to see anything after they find out.

I’ll go from being praised to being shunned as quickly as a body droping from one of those post-communist blocks of flats. They won’t want me there and look at me with disgust in their eyes, a slur on their lips and the preaches of AUR members in their ears.

But just thinking this drives me insane. The people who I know and love won’t love me if they knew me. They would turn around so quickly and I’ll forget their faces and I’ll move on so easily. But, once in a while, when I’ll look up and see the back of their head I’ll wonder what I did wrong. And I’ll be thinking: what if I was normal?

#vent #tw vent #queer vent #lgbtq #tw homophobia #tw the word queer being used as an umbrella term for the lgbtq+ community #rant #tw swearing #tw family issues #tw internalized homophobia

[1800cha0s]

when i first realized i was queer as a kid i was filled with so much queer joy that it was bursting from my veins, i didnt even really know what queer joy was or that lesbian was even really a word i was just so happy, i told everyone that i was gay and i was so gullible, so blinded by the euphoria of being me, but that flame, that bright flame has just been slowly diminishing over the years as ive learned that the people around me will only accept me if it's something that i can hide and that they can ignore, and that society will never accept me unless im not me and i want a happy ending for all queer people and i know that someday queer people will get that happy ending and be able to live and love freely but i dont know if i'll get to be alive to see that happy ending, i want a happy ending and the knowledge that i probably wont ever get one makes me want to just fucking scream out and blast my head open with a gun

#lgbt #queer #vent #vent post #vent tag #venting #cw vent #ventcore #vent blog #ventblr #personal vent #lgbt vent #queer vent

[autismmeltdownoftheday]

Tw: vent post, talk of bullying, dehumanization, suicide, internalized ableism, and internalized queer phobia

Special needs sound passive-aggressive.

Then again, it might just be being over-emotional and picky about the way people talk about me behind my back.

(That’s what they say anyway.)

Those guys will make everything about being neurodivergent or disabled or queer dehumanized anyway so it doesn’t matter what I say. I’m not sure they even realize it’s wrong.

It makes me wonder what would make them regret their actions. Would they stop if I cried? If I tried to kill myself? If I succeeded? Would they just move on to someone else if I did? I don’t know what would make them stop. That scares me the most.

#venting #autism spectrum #special needs #disabilties #queer #queer vent #autistic experiences #bullying #the honest truth

[x4ver1a]

really having a sexuality crisis, like i am super sexually repulsed by men, but i would date one if they fit my criteria of attraction (which is lowkey unrealistic), but with women im super comfortable with them, will date, fuck etc

ngl im really starting to think im lesbian but i read smut with dominant male figures bc its a safe space for my truamas, like i can control what i read, what i kind of setting/context i want, without worrying about reality

i really am so confused

#queer community #queer #sapphic #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer vent #sexuality crisis

[disgustingposer]

i have a sort of trauma and discomfort regarding "girls only" stuff not only because it can be used to terf shit, but because i love "feminine" stuff and like to have female friendships but i can't really join in in these circles bc i don't identify as a woman.

#nonbinary #vent #queer vent #queer community #lgbt community #gender shit #life is pain #terfs fuck off #stoneflower's brainrot

[blorpingtonn]

I really hate when people say trans people "turned into" their gender or "when you used to be a girl/boy". I didn't ~become~ anything, I've always been a guy, I just didn't know it. Why do cis people get to be told that they're their gender the whole time but I'm told I "became" it by choice?? I know some trans folk do feel like they were their agab at some point but when people say it about ALL trans people, it irritates me. I'm not transitioning from a girl to a dude, I'm transitioning my gender presentation and (at some point) my body.

#trans vent #transmasc #transgender #lgbtq #nonbinary #demiboy #queer #queer vent #i literally just want to be treated as my actual gender #why does my agab have to be a permanent stain on my identity

[andiebomb]

The word love has been mutated by men, it has to be, what I feel for you should be love but by his standards it isn’t. His love is WANT.

Wanting you is to OWN you, it is to eat a slice of cake with his bare hands without savoring the taste or the frosting decorations.

He wants to hold you down and eat your body, yet he spits out your brain at the end.

Men’s definition of love can’t be what I feel for you.

For Just looking at you makes my brain melt, when you talk I want to listen forever like sound of rain.

the brush of skin against skin feels like you dropped thousands of bugs on me from your touch, they consume me and I feel so privileged to be their meal.

your laugh pushes my hands into my own chest to break my ribs just to put them in a bouquet I will bring to your door.

I kneel at your feet and clutch at the hem of you clothes begging forgiveness for the sin of my heart.

if you tell me to not touch you I will cut my hands off, if you say my stare Is too intense I will gouge them out, if my voice is grating I will tear my tongue out.

The exquisite pain of the thoughts of you CANT be what men call love! because HE wants, HE craves, HE discards, HE owns, HE consumes without hesitation or care.

I DONT want. I DONT hunger, I DONT delude myself into believing that I in anyway shape or form control you.

The ACHE I feel for you, I will urge it to kill me at your ask.

my feelings are what I own, NOT YOU. I will not love you the way men do, that act alone would be enough for me to plunge a spear through my own chest.

The golden orbs that form your halo when I look at you prove that what men call love I don’t feel for you.

I would rather face enteral damnation than to love you like a man.

#lesbianism is at an all time high #lesbian #wlw love #wlw yearning #gay longing #wlw post #queer writers #queer vent

[thezekezeal]

The gut wrenching loneliness and inadequacy I feel being a small trans masc femme with no special qualities or experiences is despicable. I feel like there’s nothing new I have to offer to the internet content wise, or people in real life because there’s many more just like me who are more socially capable and dominant. I hate that my existence enforces stereotypes even though I logically know I can’t help it

#vent #txt #tw vent #tw internalized transphobia #tw self esteem #tw self hate #idfk I’m just sad today #zekezeal #transmasc problems #queer vent #t4t pain #): #personal vent

[rainmothseventeen]

14/3/24

I look forward to the horizon, the sun seems to melt and seep into the other end of the field. You're like a God to me. You're not even close to being real enough to stand with, to touch. I couldn't ever touch you, my hand would burn right off.

I don't feel much like myself at all. I don't feel like you would like the pieces I tore off to leave on your windowsill. Right next to where you sleep. My room smells too much like smoke. Would you let me stay the night? I could sleep on the floor? We could keep our clothes on. I could stare at the ceiling.

Fuck I hate this. I want someone to tear my mind right from my mouth. Take it out and see if you can fix it. Take it out and cut out the parts that have rotten. I tried to cut it out of me. I have. It burnt in my wrists and stained my bedsheets and the bathroom floor. It didn't do anything. It didn't do anything. It didn't fix it.

Please fix it for me, I'll repent, I'll kneel for you on that field, I'd let the melted yellow of the sun take me like the ocean, smooth me over and lay me on my back. Take it. Here. Please. Dig it out with your hands. Dig it out with a knife.

#poetry blog #poetry #spilled thoughts #love letters #queer #queer vent #vent ish #Aol mylhr huk aol Nvk.