#putting endo tags because they are also responsible for doing this

[wompwomf]

kids these days will want anything to be a trauma story for them

"my dad groomed me" and "im a ramcoa survivor"

and then when you ask them about it they end up describing their dad being a normal loving parent and they just left a church because the pastor was mean once (he was probably pointing out bad behavior in sunday school)

and as a survivor of grooming, i can't say anything on the ramcoa bit, its fucking disgusting how many kids will call me a groomer for wanting to be friends, or for calling them a nickname, you can be friends with people of other ages and not be romantic

and im sorry if this part specifically offends you, but 2-3 year age gap IS NOT GROOMING, grooming is 5 or more years apart when one or both is under the age of 18!! and 17 year olds, stop trying to make every adult out to be a groomer for trying to help you

ive met people who are actual groomers, and people who have been groomed, if an adult inconveniences you YOU ARE NOT BEING GROOMED, being groomed is when the intent is specifically and clearly romantic and or sexual INITIATIVE FROM SOMEONE OLDER, if you are making advances on an adult, youve been groomed or your fucked up, but that is on the adult to stop or block you!!! YOU making advances and them stopping you IS NOT GROOMING and im tired of people acting like it is!!!

stop pretending to have actual trauma from something non traumatic, when you ACTUALLY get groomed i will listen and console you, if you say your groomed i will believe you UNTIL i hear your story, if your story is just a normal encounter with someone 2 years or older and YOU interpreted it as romantic or sexual, im leaving you and your trauma at the door because I couldn't care less

here are the definitions if grooming and pedophilia, YOU ARE NOT BEING GROOMED!! if your experience does in fact fit into these definitions, i recommend getting help from a friend or a professional to get out of this problem, whether you are a pedophile, or are being victimized by one, and i sincerely hope everything gets better, my prayers are being sent to you and to a safe recovery 💜

#tw vent #vent post #vent #tw grooming #tw ramcoa #small mention #fake trauma #trauma #this is mostly directed at minors in the plural community #putting endo tags because they are also responsible for doing this #my ex LoreandCo (name dropping yeah) was convinced someone was a groomer when in reality it was just a power dynamic #a power dynamic is not grooming #its just abuse #stop adding more onto something that doesn't need it #endogenic #traumagenic #plural #system #faking #its getting to the point im ashamed to be a system #minors are getting closer and closer to my DNI #rant post #personal rant #rant into the void #ranting #rant #venting #vent incoming #anti endo #stop watering down the words “pedophile” and “groomer” THEY HOLD MEANING FOR A REASON dont ruin it to validate your system

[sophieinwonderland]

What really gets my goat about some of this recent wave of anti-endo shit is when they're like "oh but what about when endos do bad things" because, surprise, having people being assholes to you isn't an experience that's unique to anti-endos. I have also – hm, let's take a more extreme example – been sent gore in my DMs. But I was sent gore for making a fucking positivity post. They are being sent gore for posting absolute dogshit hate, queerphobia, and more in inclusive tags as part of what is openly a harassment campaign. It's not that these people deserve it, don't get me wrong – but if their argument is "your side did bad things to me so I get to do bad things to you", then pro-endos would be justified in doing so much worse. We'd tell off anyone who sent gore to anti-endos, because that's just shitty, but at the same time, this whole argument is just another clear example of anti-endos looking for excuses to hurt others. Because when it happens to someone like me? Crickets. Not a word about how awful an act like that is. But when it happens to them? Ohhh, we can't have that, we better respond with fucking death threats in inclusive tags!

Like, it's awful. We can all agree it's awful. Nobody should be sent gore in their DMs. I don't think anyone here thinks this is a good thing. But I have been sent gore and I am not threatening to kill people or telling them to die. I have been sent gore and I am not going into anti-endo tags to tell them they are all shit people who are faking their disorders and trauma. This seems like a fucking skill issue. For every shit comment on my posts and every claim that I am faking and every asshole in my inbox, the most I have done is vent to people I trust and send one passive aggressive anon telling an anti-endo that if they really want to make a culture-is blog that doesn't use inclusive terms, they should probably not use a term coined and popularized by pro-endos in the name. (It was honestly half a genuine heads-up, and I only realized it sounded passive aggressive after sending it.) But these people think getting a fraction of the same shit they hurl our way every single fucking day means they're justified in fucking killing others??

Again. I get the rage these anti-endos are going through in response to these actions. I get it, because I personally experience it every time I have to see another hate anon in my inbox telling me to kill myself for being pro-endo, which is a depressingly common experience. Unfortunately! Being angry does not translate to being justified in your actions! This goes both for any pro-endos sending others gore, and for the anti-endos who think that being hated for hating others is somehow a crime against them. We can all agree no one should be sending anyone gore. Because that is shitty. But at the same time, it's a shitty thing their side started doing long before ours did. A shitty thing their side does in response to positivity posts, and a shitty thing ours does in response to open harassment campaigns in our tags. I am not one to say the intention outweighs the harm, but again, if that's their argument...

It feels a little like when a bigot gets punched and they respond with "See?! This is why I'm justified in treating you like shit!" when they only got hit because they were in the middle of violently beating that person up. Y'know?

All of this! Very well put! 👏

#syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #sysblr #multiplicity

[partsofapuppy]

(his post is made by an endo neutral, anti leaning, cdds first alter who is critical of both pro endos and anti endos.)

i do have a problem with the... hypocrisy of syscourse.

the amount of things anti endos do that would get death threats sent to pro endos if they did the same is WILD.. and i think some of you need to take a step back. what happened to treat others the way they want to be treated?

1. hiding responses debunking information

yeah i think everyone knows who im talking about. you make a post with faulty sources and when someone makes a post debunking your sources and information, you hide it. that's blatant disinformation at this point.

it's Okay to be wrong by the way. you don't have to be right.

2. wishing death upon endogenic systems

ive seen NOBODY talk about it but there's an art piece going around depicting someone holding a sword, with the text "death upon endos" (paraphrased.) and for this one i KNOW people would react badly because i remember the kill the anti endo inside of you merch. that was HEINOUS. but this is fine? i dont know how to break it to you guys but wishing death upon people is not. the leftist take you think it is. id say its actually pretty ableist. i wouldnt call it fascistic because that's a bit extreme (for both pieces of artworks) but Dear God

3. infantilization (for lack of better terms) of pro/endos

assuming endogenic systems or even pro endogenic (cdd) systems are being groomed or are just misinformed or what not. these are people. ive said it before and i'll say it again but people have the right to have different opinions. than you. it doesn't mean they've been groomed, it doesn't mean they're idiots, they are autonomous human beings who have decided, "hey, i think pro endos exist."

4. accusations of grooming

im really upset about this one. as a survivor of grooming i really think you guys need to learn what grooming means. grooming is inherently sexual.

"One tool common to those who sexually abuse kids is grooming: manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught." from RAINN. stop flippantly using such words. as a grooming victim it genuinely grinds my gears that you are watering this term down. imagine if someone said anti endos were grooming people into thinking endos weren't real.

5. invasion of tags

this one i also know you'd be upset about because ive seen endos invade tags and they (rightfully so) get called out. i dont quite like how it's okay to do this for anti endos.

6. claiming singlets can't be in syscourse

this one especially makes me mad. i know if a singlet said "endos aren't real" a lot of anti endos would be leaping for joy. but when a singlet says "endos are real" it's all "singlets need to stay out of syscourse." i hate to break it to you. i really do. but singlets are autonomous people who, regardless of whether you like it or not, have the right to an opinion. especially because fused systems may count themselves as singlets.

please think before you do something. please put yourself into other people's shoes.

#puppy talks #syscourse #system discourse #endo neutral #syscourse critical

[syscurse]

not trying to cause drama but what do u think about the pxrn videos and stuff being sent to anti endos? and anti endos getting hate anons from pro endos?

First of all, I just want to say that it's completely understandable to be overwhelmed by all of this. It is really overwhelming. I read the other ask that you sent and wanted me to keep private and I agree that it sounds like dissociation. I'd really encourage you to consider blocking or blacklisting the syscourse tag and unfollowing any syscourse blogs at this time. Even if it's just temporary. Please take care of yourself!

AFAIK there’s no solid proof about anything beyond he said-she said and anon asks. While it’s important to support people who are victims of online abuse, and never ever say they’re faking, I also agree that the way some people are handling these situations does feel a little odd. I can think of multiple reasons for that. For one, someone might not know that there are many things they can do to prevent anon hate & online abuse.

How to handle anon hate:

I’d really encourage people who are receiving anon hate to turn off anonymous questions. You can’t get anon hate if you don’t allow anons! You can do this by going to your blog settings.

Anons can also be reported and blocked. If you report them, Tumblr will be able to take action against the person behind them. Blocking an anon will block the person’s IP address. Be sure to report before you block, because I’m pretty sure blocking deletes the ask too!

Blocking doesn’t always work, though, so if you’re still receiving anon hate then you should, first, report it and then turn off anonymous questions in your settings.

Also, be careful about posting the anon hate. For example, if you received anon hate with a link to a virus, and you post that...you are now exposing all of your followers to a virus. Anyone could potentially click on it. 

If you have been sent explicit content, report that and DO NOT POST IT because you will technically be breaking Tumblr’s TOS by putting that on your blog. You should screenshot the evidence and report it.

Other precautions you can take:

Don’t share personal information on the internet, like your legal name or where you live

Don’t click on any links you receive from blogs you don’t know

Shut off submissions

Do not allow asks with media

Only allows DMs from blogs you follow

Consider remaking your blog

Consider using a different pseudonym

Hide your blog from search results 

Report any known blogs that are harassing you

Contant Tumblr’s help center for more information on what you can do

If you are being chronically stalked/harassed, SAVE ALL THE EVIDENCE

Some resources:

System Internet Safety (Resource Post)

Self help Resources

Coping with Syscourse

I want to say that if you are someone who is following a person who is constantly receiving anon hate...please check in with your mental health. Witnessing that can be extremely overwhelming and even retraumatizing. You are responsible for no one’s mental health except your own. Please take care of yourself!

I also need to be a bit blunt about something. This isn’t directed at you, anon, it more about something I’ve been seeing lately... If someone is genuinely being harassed or stalked, that is NOT syscourse. That's abuse. Abuse should NOT be used for discourse points.

I know someone who was genuinely abused by a pro-endo. Anti-endos took their abuse and used it to bolster their side. Basically used real genuine trauma someone went through as discourse points. Because of that, NO ONE BELIEVED THE PERSON WHO SURVIVED THAT ABUSE. They had to deal with people constantly fakeclaiming them and saying that their trauma was just something anti-endos made up to shit on the endogenic community. In reality, it was never about discourse to begin with.

Please do not use someone else’s abuse to make a statement on pro-endos or anti-endos. Don’t turn someone’s trauma into fucking discourse. It crosses too many lines.

That being said, I also understand what it’s like to question what’s real and what’s not. Especially as a dissociative person. It’s true that people do fake being cyberbullied sometimes. It’s pretty easy to do that online, especially on Tumblr where you could just send yourself an anon ask. But I don’t think it’s right to claim that people are faking, on the off chance they aren’t. ALWAYS give people the benefit of the doubt and believe people who confide with you about their abuse.

Although, there are some cases where people fake being cyberbullied in order to harm others. I actually had an ex-friend who did this. He would send anon hate to himself for ulterior motives. He did it for basically everything. For control, support, money, notes, followers, attention, and to bolster his side in discourse. He also did it to manipulate the people he was abusing. The only reason I know it was him was sending himself anons was because he got caught by his partner, who he was also sending anon hate to so frequently to the point that they started having nervous breakdowns thinking they were being stalked.

I’m not sharing this because I think you should doubt people, but I think it’s important to be aware of these possibilities and develop some healthy caution. The biggest warning sign imo should be your own mental health. Pay attention to that. You are responsible for your own mental health and protecting yourself from cyberbullying. The same goes for everyone else.

No matter how many resources and advice and helping hands I or anyone else offered to my ex-friend, nothing changed. He never genuinely tried to stop the anon hate, because in reality he didn’t want it to stop. He benefitted so much from it. Every time he hurt me and I tried to communicate it, suddenly he was conveniently flooded with more anon hate and I needed to immediately stop holding him accountable and start comforting him, instead. None of that is normal.

Please, if you’re ever in a situation like that, always choose yourself.

#syscourse #long post #abuse tw #stalking tw #idk what else to tag this as #sorry the last half of this sorta became a rant #i hope this helps a little

[fictionkinfessions]

Some people have been slandering me on other blog(s?) very recently. I would like to explain my side of the situation regarding this. [Thank you to anonymous person who DMed me about this.]

edited 12/2: I mistakenly assumed the 'second server admin' was someone involved with creating or moderating the server. I apologize for making assumptions, and have corrected 'second server admin' to 'second person on behalf of the server' also abbreviated as ‘second person’.

The original server admin was not involved in the slander or misleading ask messages to other blog(s?). I apologize for stating they were. They were not involved with such messages or posts.

I also forgot the first server admin did respond after my refusal. I did purposefully ended the conversation early in order to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet. I realize now that I should have been more communicative and clearer on my part. I am sorry I was not, and will take care to do so in the future.

I also want to clarify w/r/t to taking a neutral stance isn’t the best answer to system discourse, and it is taking a side on the conversation whether I intend to as a singlet or not. My intention is to minimize harm caused on my part as a singlet navigating through intracommunity discussions.

Lastly, the concern of lesbophobia has no relation to this server or server admin. I am largely unaware of the origins of these accusations and apologize for mistakenly assigning them to the server admin and server. I’m aware lesbians can be lesbophobic. For the sake of post length and relevance, I omitted this.

note: I'm using they / them because there’s two people involved, and I don't know their respective pronouns. This is not purposeful misgendering. There is a summary on the bottom, but I appreciate anyone who reads this.

This is what happened.

Yesterday, 11/30. someone asked for a server promo for an interest check they sent in. On their server promo post they stated 'no endo systems, no tulpas'.

This blog doesn't promo blogs or servers that prohibit any type of system from joining or interacting with the person's blog or server.

note: this is long and is below the read more. 

I informed the person about this rule. They said nothing in response. [correction: they did respond. I purposefully ended the conversation abruptly to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet.]

A second person on behalf of the server, came into this blog's DMs requesting a promo, saying they changed their mind about restricting endogenic systems and tulpas from joining them.

I declined to promo their blog again, having private concerns that they were being dishonest about their intentions. This is because their message came within 30 minutes of my response to the original server admin.

If they really hadn't changed their minds, then I would be sending people into a harmful situation. [My response to the second person was, as quoted here, "No, thank you! Good luck with your server!"]

The person immediately became upset and stated that as a singlet I was gatekeeping their server by refusing to engage with them in any form. I explained this rule was a public guideline on this blog's page, it's not a secret requirement, and that I cannot engage in encouraging system discourse since it's not my community.

I am a singlet. People have in the past been rightfully vocal about not giving a platform on this blog to anyone gatekeeping specific types of systems. I understand and respect that this is an intracommunity discussion, and I will not disseminate such content as it's not my place to.

I responded to their message point by point, expounding on what I meant with the promo rules and so forth. I ended my message trying to disengage with the person in a positive manner and go to bed.

This person responded, claiming I was making jokes about needing to be paid to joke about systemcourse.  I have a copy of our entire conversation and can verify I never said anything like that.

My last reply to that was to state I was disengaging in case it wasn't clear from the prior message, because communication is tricky over the internet.

I felt it was clear from the conversation that I could offer no further help for them. I felt there was nothing left to explain, that they would continue to put words in my mouth, and they only wanted to berate me. I had no further contact with them as I went to bed.

As for the dishonesty and rumors those two have tried to spread about me:

I have not invalidated any type of system in private dms or publicly anywhere. I have never said a type of system was the only correct one, or more legitimate than others. I have never tried to inform anyone about systems as if I knew more than them. [correction: I have and I will apologize for it summarily in another post.]

I have not told anyone to not make servers or promo posts for their servers.

Not promoting a server isn't lesbophobia.

I have never said anything lesbophobic or discussed anything about lgbt identities to anyone regarding system discourse, their system, or anything like that.

I'm a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian. I have never been purposefully lesbophobic to anyone publicly or privately. I don't even make or reblog ironic homophobia jokes. I might live in the closet for the rest of my life aside from being freely lesbian in online spaces. I'm excruciatingly aware how terrible lesbophobia is and would never wish it on anyone.

The blog rule of not promoting servers who exclude types of systems is for all systems. Endo-, trauma-, quoi-, and so on. Tbh this goes for soulbonds as well because hey, there's an overlap of them and the system community.

My refraining from participating in intracommunity discussions is not ableism. My refusal to reblog promos for anything at all, for any reason is not oppression or ableism. [correction: it’s not a perfect resolution on my part to attempt neutrality. My aim is to prevent excessive harm or distress on a blog meant for the alterhuman community. Me remaining silent on system discourse is taking a side or stance,whether I intend to or not.]

I'm aware this blog has a large audience and I'd rather be careful about what I show to 5,000 people. The purpose of promos is to share that which would help the alterhuman community at large. To promote anything that divides sections of the overlapping communities would go against that. I can’t see how this is unreasonable.

I know this blog posts some sketchy and out there confessions. That is generally the purpose of a confession blog. [Within reason, ofc. No death threats, etc] I feel that vent / heavy themed posts limited to a single blockable blog is not the same as promoting servers where 'Us vs Them' mentalities are grown and encouraged.

If you disagree with me trying to maintain a neutral stance regarding system discourse, ok. I'm not here to change minds or take sides. I don't have the right to a voice in this specific conversation. I only want to make it clear what happened between me and two other people, and why they are saying hurtful things about me.

In summary:

Two different people asked me to promote their discord server that banned endogenic systems and tulpas from joining. As per the Promo Guidelines page, we do not promote those servers. I am a singlet and engaging in system discourse is not acceptable. [correction: one server admin asked me to promote their server. I declined. A second person on behalf of the server tried again to request a server promo.]

One of the server admins had a conversation with me. I explained the rule regarding banning types of Systems. The server admin took it poorly, stating my refusal to join in intracommunity discourse as a singlet was ableism on my part. [Correction: the second person may not have been an server admin, but acting on behalf of the server]

The two server admins are now slandering me on other blog(s?), saying I'm ableist, taking sides on system discourse despite being a singlet, and being lesbophobic. [Correction: it was only the second person, not the server admin.]

I've done none of those things. I have a copy of the conversations to prove it. I don’t want to post it without their consent, unless I really must to prove I wasn’t behaving inappropriately.

I am a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian who can only be publicly open about my identity online. I am in the closet in real life to my entire family. I know how torturous lesbophobia is and would never be lesbophobic to anyone.

[In fact, the topic of lgbt+ identities never came up in that conversation. I'm confused where that came from.]

If you read any of this, thank you. I really hope I haven’t behaved poorly regarding this. I would like to apologize if I have. I genuinely don’t think I have been unreasonable in this situation.

Connie / Mod Party Cat!

ps, if you know their blog urls, please do not harass them. Also, please don’t harass anyone in their kin community. Don’t be goofy like that, thank you.

pps I’m ok with people linking or reblogging this if someone is confused about what new terrible thing has happened on fictionkinfessions. It’s not required but hey, it’s out there, for eternal record on the internets. Hello world.

pps sorry for putting it in the community tags, but it is relevant insofar as clarifying rumors and dishonesty.

#twewykin #fictive #endogenic system #did system #multiple system #syscourse #system discourse #long post #not confessions

[fallynleaf]

(This is under a cut because it’s a long post about wrestling awards, but it’s also about creative storytelling in bleak conditions, the incredible emotional power of stories about love, and Japanese women’s wrestling taking important strides in bucking the idol-culture-esque trend where joshi wrestlers are expected to retire before they get married)

I don’t really put much stock into wrestling awards, because it’s all extremely subjective, and many of them, like the Tokyo Sports Awards, are heavily kayfabed/politicked anyway, but the 2020 Net Pro-Wrestling Awards, which were voted on by fans in Japan, were really fascinating to me.

The top 10 promotions were [source]:

NJPW

NOAH

DDT

Stardom

Muscle

TJPW

AEW

ChocoPro

AJPW

Ice Ribbon

This list is interesting, because it basically reflects the direction our own discord server’s interest took this year (though we’d probably rank them in a different order). The top promotions in our server currently are probably NJPW, NOAH, TJPW, Stardom, DDT, AEW, and ChocoPro, (not necessarily in that order). I’ve spent a lot of time over the past year thinking about which companies did the best job, creatively, with having to adapt to pandemic-era wrestling conditions, and I think this list reflects that somewhat. Many of these companies produced matches and performers that really stood out despite putting on shows in less than ideal conditions.

I’m especially happy that ChocoPro did as well as it did (beating WWE, you love to see it). It’s a very small promotion, but out of all of the companies in the list, it’s the only one that was specifically designed to operate in pandemic conditions, and it has a genuinely innovative format that was born from that. It’s also very accessible! ChocoPro operates with a no paywall model, and it’s distributed on youtube completely for free!

Also, four of these companies are directly part of the DDT family (and ChocoPro has extensive DDT connections), and two others (AEW and NJPW) currently have former DDT wrestlers as their world champions. I constantly think about how DDT has had more influence on the wrestling industry as a whole than most people really give it credit for, haha, but 2020 really proved that. DDT is simply better at creative adaption than most.

The top 10 MVP list was [source]:

Go Shiozaki (NOAH)

Tetsuya Naito (NJPW)

Hiromu Takahashi (NJPW)

Tetsuya Endo (DDT)

Minoru Fujita

Kota Ibushi (NJPW)

El Desperado (NJPW)

Kenta (NJPW)

Asuka (WWE)

Katsuhiko Nakajima (NOAH)

Fans voted Go Shiozaki as the top MVP of 2020, and that made me happy, because it’s very deserved!! He narrowly missed out on receiving the Tokyo Sports MVP award, so I’m glad to see him recognized here. Go truly did carry NOAH throughout 2020, and he really put the company back on the map again for many people.

I had no interest in watching NOAH before this year, but I ended up watching Go Shiozaki vs Kazuyuki Fujita from the March 29 show because I heard so much about it, and it blew me away. I’ve already talked about this match in bits and pieces; it’s the one that starts with a literal 30-minute staredown. It was a very avant garde decision to make, because it changes the entire structure of the match (it was a title match with a 60-minute time limit), and it’s something they never could have gotten away with if they’d had a crowd in the venue. But, performing in an empty arena, they could do it. It’s amazing how compelling it can be, just watching two wrestlers stare at each other, but it was really, really cool.

That match was Go’s first title defense (he won the GHC title shortly before the pandemic shut everything down), and he’s really had quite the run with the title ever since. The next thing he did that got me to tune back in to NOAH was when he got betrayed by his tag partner (Katsuhiko Nakajima, number 10 on the list), which of course pushed all of my favorite wrestling narrative buttons.

There’s just something about Go that makes him so compelling. It was even enough to get some friends of mine who primarily root for heels to really want him to succeed, haha. And I just really have to commend him for that. He was a late-blooming ace tasked with the incredibly rough responsibility of representing his company through a dramatic business shakeup while also weathering a global pandemic that drastically affected every aspect of the wrestling medium itself, and he was still able to put on innovative performances and tell very emotional stories and bring in new fans even in less than ideal conditions.

Some highlights from the list of top matches [source]:

1. Hiromu Takahashi vs El Desperado (12/11) NJPW 2. Go Shiozaki vs Katsuhiko Nakajima (11/22) NOAH 3. Go Shiozaki vs Kazuyuki Fujita (3/29) NOAH 4. Go Shiozaki vs Takashi Sugiura (12/6) NOAH 5. Tetsuya Naito vs Kazuchika Okada (1/5) NJPW 6. Go Shiozaki vs Kenoh (8/10) NOAH 7. Yuka Sakazaki vs Mizuki (11/7) TJPW 9. Tetsuya Endo vs Daisuke Sasaki (11/3) DDT 10. Kazuchika Okada vs Kota Ibushi (1/4) NJPW 11. Tetsuya Naito vs Hiroshi Tanahashi (9/20) NJPW 16. Hyper Misao vs Super Sasadango Machine (11/20) TJPW

There are a few things that really stand out to me here (I omitted matches from promotions that I don’t watch because I can’t speak to those). The first is that Go is all over this list lol. He’s in four of the top ten matches!

The second thing is that wrestling fans really enjoy stories about love. This is the least surprising thing to me, because those kinds of stories are ultimately why I watch this medium, but it’s still amazing to see that reflected in lists like this. In the list above, the top ranked matches in NJPW (#1), NOAH (#2), TJPW (#7), and DDT (#9) are all matches that are explicitly about love. They’re all different stories and different matches, but love is at the core of all of them.

I giffed all four of those matches (linked above!), and wrote up a short explanation of the stories for everything except for Despy/Hiromu, who have a dynamic that is too complicated for me to attempt to summarize. But they have explicitly described their feelings for each other as “love,” and have talked about their matches in terms of “making love.” I also wrote up a post about those three NOAH, TJPW, and DDT matches specifically.

It’s amazing to me how wrestling is, on its surface, a medium that revolves around hate and competition, but beneath that, it’s really a medium about love and cooperation. There’s simply far more at stake in a match between wrestlers who love each other (or who once loved each other) than there is in a match between wrestlers who hate each other.

I was surprised but happy to see that Hyper Misao vs Super Sasadango Machine got number 16 on this list, even though that match really did a number on me emotionally. This match was incredibly nontraditional. It involved a retirement announcement, a powerpoint presentation, a Bachelorette parody, a poetry contest, a retirement match, an unretirement, and a marriage announcement.

Misao started off by announcing that she was retiring, which devastated me. But by the end of the match, she decided that she wasn’t going to retire until peace and love had returned to the world, and she also decided that she wasn’t going to wait to pursue her other dream, too, which was to get married. Her husband-to-be came out into the ring, and the company put out a marriage announcement up on the website, and everybody cheered and celebrated the announcement. Misao became the first married wrestler on the TJPW roster.

This might not seem notable, but there are very, very few Japanese women wrestlers who are married and who are still actively wrestling. Joshi wrestlers often have very short careers and early retirements, and it is common for them to quit wrestling in order to get married. Misao also started her wrestling career fairly late: she began wrestling at 25, and almost quit at 30. In addition to all of that, she loves wrestling very unconventional matches (case in point: this one), and worries that her nontraditional style isn’t what fans are interested in seeing.

So, considering all of that, I love the fact that this match is getting so much positive recognition. It was very creative and emotional, and the reception to it really demonstrates how much the fans truly love Misao, as unconventional as she may be, and how happy we all are that she decided to get married and keep wrestling. I hope this match helps pave the way for other joshi wrestlers, too.

As always with awards like these, I wish there was more women’s wrestling represented, but it’s fascinating to look back at a year like the one we just had, and think about some of the things that resonated with me, and how those same things were received by other fans.

#idk what i set out to accomplish when i started typing this but this post extremely got away from me #i spent a couple hours writing this to MAYBE get one single note on tumblr dot com instead of working on my fic ajkfghdgjk #wrassling

[captainhuggermuggerus]

The Awkward Introduction

You know that part where you go to a new school, or a new school year, or your first job and it's orientation and whoever is in charge says "Stand up and tell us your name and a fact about yourself!" and you're just trying not to die from embarrassment? That's this post.

It never helps that the person asking for all of this is standing there expectantly, usually smiling, usually not seeing anything wrong with this. And they are technically right-there's nothing wrong with it unless you're socially awkward and you call it 'human interaction',

So as far as I'm concerned, this is after the official humiliation, and now you and I are chatting in a corner, or maybe at a table in the cafeteria under the florescent lights that make everything seven shades whiter and doesn't give a real sense of how anyone looks.  But we were both awkward, so we decided to hang together. And you're asking me questions, because for you it's easier to ask then to share your business, and I like that you're giving me a lead as to what it's okay to talk about.

You ask if I have pets, and then I get to tell you about my dogs. The big one is Emily, she's a Black Lab/blue heeler that we got at seven weeks because her owner couldn't deal with her, and Fraiser is my little boy, a Beagle/Chihuahua mix. I have two goats in the back yard, twin sisters, Sadie and Sookie. They are our lawn mowers lol. My sibling has a cat, and our mom has finches.

I'm trying to be an English teacher at VIPKID, even though I already failed the test once, and I'm going to take it again later this week. They let you take it multiple times, like a driving test. I was getting my TPR-Total Physical Response-mixed up. You tap your mouth to say 'listen' and cup your ear for 'repeat', and I didn't use enough props. If I write about that it will be under #VIPKID

The reason for that is that I've worked retail for 14+ years and when our governor issued a stay-at-home order for the Plague, I went on leave. I'm not going back there. I'll figure it out. Everyone thinks I'm balmy. I've been a manager for 4 years, so I make 16.05 an hour. I could move up, easily. Those people though, they don't care if I lie or die or kill my family as long as they get their blood money. I have a feeling working for a crime syndicate would not only be more profitable, but more humane. It also means I am intimately aware of how to steal from retail stores, since I was at the frontline of theft prevention (I ran the electronics departments). I will, at some point, make a master list of how to relieve retail establishments of their inventory without getting caught, a good skill in these times (under the tag #how2stealamillion), as well explaining how it works there for an employee. It's nuts. I may file it under the tag #horror. Not sure yet.

Lord of the Rings and the other works of Tolkien are a special interest of mine, and I reblog a lot of #lotr and #silm, but I will be sharing my opinions and eventually, some fic. I used to be a fanfic author for Criminal Minds on ff.net but I had a really bad depressive episode and never went back. The Silmarillion especially is a mess, and I have a special place in my heart for Rohan.

I'm also, like everyone else, working on original fiction projects, which I cycle between whenever I get bored with one. I may post excerpts. I will be putting it-whichever it I finish first-up on Betabooks for critique. Anything pertaining to them will be under #project followed by a number, such as 1 or 3,

I'm a writer, but like everyone else I'm a reader first and foremost, and I have sadly a lack of access to books. The Most recent thing I've been able to read is Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan, which I did enjoy because it was based more on Slavic fantasy than standard European fantasy. I bought it when it first came out because it jumped off the shelf and yelled "BUY ME" and I have no regrets. If I blog about books, it will be under #books, followed by #titleofwork and #nameofauthor.

Another not-so-fun-fact-I suffer from chronic pain and endometriosis. Exercising is hard. Work is hard. Everything is hard. When I blog about that, it will be under #spoonie and possibly #endo if that applies.

I am not 'out' to my mother, a very strict Christian woman of the Protestant persuasion, as bisexual. That is the label with which I have the most comfort, although I have been informed that pansexual is more accurate. I prefer bisexual. If I do talk about it, it will be tagged #bi, whereas issues of gender and sexuality will be #LGBTQA+.

For another fun fact, I've recently become involved in Catholicism, another thing our Protestant mother doesn't approve of and therefore has no idea that I'm involved with. Those posts will be tagged #catholic.

In pursuit of never ever going back to my retail job, I'm also trying to get my chronically pained behind into homesteading. We live on 1.5 acres in north Florida, and I want to grow food. And have chicken. And ducks. I'll tag those disasters as #homesteading.

I cannot cook without causing a problem, which is all fun and games until your sibling the cook comes in and goes "What the actual fuck" and "why did you move all my stuff" and "Please stop." On the rare occasions when I do cook, I will be sharing it under #cooking.

I've taken Norwegian as my language of choice during these times of being cooped up, and will tag those adventures and resources as #langblr

There will be other things, I'm sure, and I've been on Tumblr straight reblogging for years, but I'm going to try to share more of 'me' on here.

Also, I will not tolerate pedophiles, rapists, rape apologists, or other predators of the human race, TERFS, Nazis, or whatever else exclusionary to minorities happens on here. If any of my topics squick you out, just block them! I've had to do the same, many times, and unfollow people for their opinions on, for example, the exclusion of asexuals from LGBTQA+ spaces.

Nice to meet you!

[maximumkillshot]

“When You Call”- Part 11

Warnings: Talk of medical emergencies, scary situations really, bloods involved

Pairing: Dean x reader

A/N: This wasn't supposed to be released for a little bit. Hence it's rough state during upload. I'm so sorry for that. I’m slowly updating it, and I may just re release it for y'all after all of the changes are made

Overall Masterlist- Click Here

“When You Call” Masterlist- Click Here

Wanna Chat? Click Here

Previously:

I looked at her small hand in mine, the scars that riddled it from all of the hunts, all of the times she cut her hands in Bobby’s garage, constantly fixing cars, she could never build a callus. She didn’t care thought.  

“It’s gotta get done and that’s that.” she’d always say as she would be patching up yet another cut. I’d tell her to take a break, to at least let me help with the sharper metals, not Y/N.

She would tell me, “You wanna help, Winchester? Hand me the monkey wrench and watch a master at work.” She’d always finish with that infectious giggle… I don’t think I can live without that giggle…. I know I can’t live without that giggle.

I brought her hand to my face and kissed her, wishing that I was kissing her lips. That I was travelling from her lips to her neck, to her claim bite. That we were in our bed and not in a hospital.

I whispered after I kissed her hand, “Please, Y/N… I need you. Please come back, I can’t… not without you. I love you.”

Two Weeks Later:

Dean’s POV:

“It’s been two weeks” Said Dr. Shaw, Y/N’s Endocrinologist, “there have been some minor changes, her hormones stabilized at least. How are you feeling?” he said as he put down the chart and walked towards me.

I’ve been in a constant sweat, my hormones are all messed up since I’m close to her but I can’t do anything about it. It got so bad that all Omega nurses are banned from the room. Which is also why Y/N’s primary can’t come into the room, she almost jumped me when she smelled me. I’ve been reduced to my undershirt and a pair of sleep pants since that’s all that comfortable, everything else making me itch.

“I’m fine.” I replied as politely as I could.

“You are a terrible liar, Dean. I’ve been observing you every day for the past two weeks and you’re just getting worse. Which surprises me.” Said the doctor.

“Nice to know that you care, doc.” I huffed as I wiped my brow yet again.

“I’m serious, Dean. This only happens to mated couples, and she doesn’t have a mark on her, and neither do you.”

“A mark is just physical, doc. We… we are just complicated.” I wheezed out as I took in more of her scent.

“When was the last time you left this room, Dean?”

“I didn’t”

“What do you mean, you didn’t?”

“Last time I left her in a room alone she passed out and stopped breathing, you really think I’m leaving her alone now?” I glared at him. If he keeps on making me talk, I’m going to have to kill him.

“I want to do some tests.” Said Dr.Shaw.

“Haven’t you been doing tests on her this whole time?” I asked.

“I want to do tests on you…”

“No.”

“Dean, you look like you’re dying.”

“You are just chalk full of compliments, aren’t you Dr.Shaw.”

“Dean, I’m seriously nervous. If she is having this effect on you.”

“She obviously is, doc.”

“You could both have a very dangerous disorder that leads to death for both parties, Dean. You are no good to Y/N dead so I suggest that you let me do some tests.” Said Dr. Shaw sternly.

I rolled my eyes and he continued, “either you go willingly or I wait until you’re in a coma too.”

“I’m not leaving this room.”

“Dean”

“Dr.Shaw”

The doctor huffed and then said, “Fine, I’ll order the blood tests, get you something to eat, and Dean, rest, please.” said the doctor as he flagged down one of the Beta nurses.

As soon as the doctor walked out Sam walked in. Great more talking.

“Dean, you look like hell,” said Sam as he sat down next to Y/N’s bedside.

“Well I feel like hell so that could explain some things. Apparently the doc thinks that I have a disorder that could kill me too, so there’s that.”

“What?!” Exclaimed Sam.

“It’ll be okay Sammy, they’re gonna do some tests, they’ll come back negative, Y/N will wake up. Then we can go about our business, okay?”

I laid my head back for a bit until I heard a Beta nurse come in, he immediately took some blood from me and handed me a sandwich. The minute I got a whiff of it I started puking. Thank god they got Y/N a puke bucket because that came in handy, but… I don’t remember eating anything red… that’s blood, well shit...

The minute the Beta nurse took it from me, he immediately called the doctor in.

“What’s wrong?” asked Sammy.

Immediately the Beta nurse said “Blood in the vomit. Okay Dean, look at me, did you eat anything red?”

“No, didn’t eat anything in three days.” I answered as I got impossibly light headed.

Before I knew it I felt myself falling forward. Then black.

“I knew it, It had to have been Montague and Capulet Syndrome. Why didn’t I see it sooner?” I heard the doctor scold himself.

“You couldn’t have known until now” I heard what sounded like Y/N’s primary say.

“It’s just so rare… No endo would start with this… but I should’ve seen it as he started deteriorating.” Said Dr. Shaw.

I groaned, “Don’t beat yourself up,” as I tried to get up. I immediately felt hands all over me, including my brother..”Where’s Y/N?” I started to open my eyes to find three shocked doctors and my shocked brother.

“What?” I asked.

“How are you feeling, Dean?” asked Dr. Shaw.

“Like I got hit by a truck, why?” I asked.

The more I looked around I realized that I was in a hospital bed, in Y/N’s hospital room. When I looked at my body I saw that there was an I.V leading from me to  a giant machine and back to Y/N.

“How long was I out for? A few hours, and what is this?” I asked as I held my arm.

“Dean, it’s been three days.” said Sam.

“I can’t believe that worked” said Dr. Shaw.

“Wanna fill me in, doc?” I asked.

“ I know what you both have. You both have different forms of the same disorder, it’s called Montague and Capulet Syndrome.”

“Like Romeo and Juliet? How romantic.” I scoffed.

“That’s what it’s named after, yes. But it’s a disorder that only happens to 1 in 1,000,000 couples who are Alpha and Omega. Once an Alpha finds their Omega a pheromone called ‘setatonine’ is released. They are released in small amounts and the Omega releases ‘metatonine’ in response, this is what creates the attraction between an Alpha and an Omega. In true mates, which is still only a theory, these pheromones are released in even larger amounts. This causes an unbreakable bond that must be solidified. But in this disorder, when the true mate is found not only are these two, relatively harmless pheromones released, but another is released as well. A hormone called ‘lectomine’ is released in various amounts. This lectomine is a very lethal hormone when given in large doses, it causes what’s known as  “sleeping beauty paralysis” for Omegas and “the red death” in Alphas. Which is why your vomit had blood in it and your body was sweating so much, eventually you would have started sweating your own blood. Then eventually…”

“Death.” I completed.

“Yes.”

“Great so what does this do?” I asked as I looked at the I.V.

“The only way to stop the progression of the Syndrome in both of you was to clean your blood and reduce them to their plasma, then to insert each other’s plasma into the other. That’s what that machine does.”

“So why am I only up? Why isn’t Y/N up?” I asked.

“It takes longer in Omegas.” said the Doctor.

I then sat up and looked to the doctor as I said, “Is my Omega ever waking up?”

“I don’t know” said Dr. Shaw.

It was then that I heard Y/N’s heart monitor begin to crash.

My head snapped to her and I immediately went to get up, Sam was rushed out of the room.

Dr. Shaw blocked me as the other nurses came in with a crash cart.

“Y/N!” I screamed, “BABY, Get up, please!”

I started to thrash as the doctors began to flood in and tie me down as the crash team worked on Y/N.

“Y/N! YOU PROMISED YOU’D COME BACK!” I screamed. After a few minutes I heard it.

“Time of death 15:42pm 12th of September, 2017.” I heard Dr. Shaw state.

“NO, Y/N!” I screamed as they started taking off all the equipment.

“Y/N! COME BACK! Y/N!!” I screamed as I began to sob.

“Y/N/N!”

Still nothing…

“Y/N!”

The doctor looked at me and said, “Dean.”

“NO! NO, she isn’t dead, Y/N! ANSWER ME!” I screamed…

Nothing…

“OMEGA!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, just as they were going to cover her face.

Then I heard a gasp, when I looked over Y/N’s eyes searched for me as she thrashed in the bed “Alpha? Alpha?!”

It was then that I thrashed even more at the restraints, so much so that I ripped them off of the table and I practically ran to her.

As soon as she felt my touch she relaxed, “I’m here, Omega, I’m here… God, I love you so much, I’m so sorry, I love you.” I began to tear up and cry into the crown of her head as everyone stood shocked… I finally had Y/N back.

I then heard Sam push his way through the doctors and I looked up at him, “She’s back, she’s right here.”

Immediately Sam made a b-line to her and grabbed her as he cried. When I looked at the doctor, he was in utter shock.

“This is impossible, she was dead for…” Said the doctor, I cut him off with.

“You obviously don’t know Y/N. She’d do anything for the people she loves, even come back to life.” I said as I turned back to Y/N.

“Dean” I heard her say ever so faintly and I immediately went to her side.

“I’m here, I’m here.” I said as I cradled her. She made room in her bed and I immediately laid down with her.

After the doctors got us back on monitors and all of our I.V.’s out the doctor agreed to keep us for 48 hours for observation then we’d be released.

I just can’t wait to take her home.

TAG ARMY:

@mamaredd123​ , @impala-dreamer​ , @impalaimagining​ , @jotink78​ , @nichelle-my-belle​, @scorpiongirl1​, @teamfreewillimagines​ , @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid​ , @chelsea072498​ , @brickwall035​ , @maui137 , @mogaruke​ , @jayankles​ , @butiaintgonnaloveem​, @naviwhite , @emoryhemsworth​ ,              

@cole-winchester​ , @nanie5​ , @carribear31​ , @death-unbecomes-you​ , @clarinette07 , @curlyhairedblueeyedangel , @deansbabygirl01, @anathewierdo , @atc74 , @kickasscas67​ , @mannls , @adoptdontshopits, @meganywinchester , @xalgaliareptx , @healojane , @wolfiebucky , @rayvenrider, @screechingartisancashbailiff , @goodgodimaweirdperson

Wanna join the tag army? Shoot me an ask and consider it done!

WHEN YOU CALL TAGS:

@stone2576 , @tailsoflightning , @cececolbert , @anathewierdo , @pisces-cutie , @mannls @jaylarkson , @p3nny4urth0ught5 , @goodgodimaweirdperson , @shamelesslydean

#When You Call #WYC #abo dynamics #alpha dean x omega reader #alpha dean #supernatural #SPN FANDOM #SPN #spn fanfic #dean x reader #angst

[sophieinwonderland]

Do We Really Have To Do This Again?

Okay, guess we have to. 😔

And no. Someone else might block these. Personally, I prefer to respond with debunking posts that are sent to the anti-endo tags, because if anti-endos are going to purposefully invade our tags to attack endogenic systems, anti-endos are sure going to see the responses.

Now, to your concerns...

Most of this seems to be a vent about a bad therapist not taking obvious signs of DID seriously. And then trying to ascribe blame to the endogenic community for this somehow.

And this is... really weird. @the-chaos-crew doesn't seem to actually know what they're complaining about.

The vast majority of endogenic systems aren't "trying to be debilitated." Most don't claim to have any sort of dissociative disorder nor are they seeking treatment for it.

Frankly, it seems like you're confusing "endogenic systems" with "imitated DID." The latter being a largely fictitious or over-exaggerated group of alleged DID fakers. I've debunked this concept in the past:

If you notice, the people these papers use as an example often say they were traumatized, and talk about that trauma. Especially in the group they decide is just BPD.

And if you pay attention to a lot of the TikTok DID systems people love to fakeclaim, these too generally mention childhood trauma. Most are actually anti-endos, funny enough.

Endogenic systems are a group that's usually non-disordered and by definition, not traumagenic.

So-called imitated-DID cases, where much of the fakeclaiming originates, generally ARE traumagenic by their own reports, and obviously disordered.

These are two largely different demographics.

That's not to say you should get mad at the so-called Imitated DID systems either. The very concept of Imitated DID was mostly driven by ableism, politics at the time, and trying to protect therapists from malpractice lawsuits.

There's No Indication DID is Less Likely To Be Diagnosed Today

In the 90s, DID was renamed, a ton of psychiatrists decided it must be a fad, "Imitated DID" theory caught on to explain away false positives. Fewer people were diagnosed for a while.

To my knowledge, there's been no evidence DID has been diagnosed less since the term endogenic was coined in the late 2010s, or that endogenic systems have any impact that would prevent people from being diagnosed.

Sometimes a bad therapist is just a bad therapist.

Well if your therapist who tells you not worry about your memory gaps and blackouts says something, it MUST be true! /s

Meanwhile, here is what the creators of the Theory of Structural Dissociation have said:

And here is what the ICD-11, the diagnostic manual compiled by the World Health Organization, says about being able to have multiple distinct personality states without a dissociative disorder.

Again... maybe you just have a bad therapist.

But you already knew that, didn't you?

Just Going Total r/fakedisordercringe

TLDR; "I know some people with these disorders, therefore I know how EVERYONE with these disorders behaves."

Putting aside the fakeclaiming of systems in the rest of the post, this is also a terrible way to treat mental illnesses. People with mental disorders are not a monolith. While there may be some who mis-self-diagnose, simply knowing someone with a mental illness doesn't give you magic insight into everyone with that illness.

What's more, not everyone will expose their debilitating symptoms for you to know they're really disordered. Some people have learned to adapt or to hide. And especially if you're on the internet, you may only be interested in sharing the positive experiences.

You don't know how someone struggles offline or in their personal lives, so stop pretending you do.

Seeking Therapy For Non-Disorders

Do you understand how that would be counterproductive to the whole premise of this post?

You're supposedly upset about endogenic system stealing resources from systems. How would non-disordered systems seeking therapy for being systems do anything but exacerbate the problem you think exists?

Here's the thing... normally, I wouldn't care if you want to vent. Even if that vent is contradictory and nonsensical as this was. Clearly, you're in a lot of pain right now.

But you made a conscious choice to go into endo safe tags to intentionally hurt other people. And that's not acceptable.

So I'm going to ask the anti-endo community to explain to @the-chaos-crew why we don't crosstag. That way, I don't have to keep coming into their spaces every single time anti-endos break containment and come into ours to spread hate against us.

Stay out of our tags, and I'll stay out of yours.

#syscourse #pro endo #pro endogenic #anti endo #anti endogenic #ableism #sanism

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi! I know the Dreamland System irl (been friends since high school) and I’ve been in the tulpa community way longer than they have. Coming up on 6 years, actually! But could you cool it with talking about them (Halberd) pls? I know they’re hospitalized at the moment but it’s unnerving to see you talking about them regularly like this. Do you think you would mind talking about something other than a traumatized vulnerable system in need of serious help?

I don’t follow you (but from tulpa to tulpa - hi!!) And honestly I don’t agree with a lot of Hal’s alters’ takes, but it just doesn’t seem right, what you’re doing. I know you don’t know them, but they were majorly traumatized and ultimately assaulted back when we were in high school which all started from people telling lies about them behind their back.

Hopefully they won’t know about what you’ve been saying here, but I just thought I’d shoot you a heads up because you might not know what they’ve gone through and how that affects them today. Even though Hal probably isn’t going to see this, I thought it would be the right thing to ask you to leave them alone for their sake. I’m really worried about them!

If it would be of any benefit, I could maybe pass along a message to them about your feelings and how their actions have affected you too! I can see how they’ve been kind of hypocritical about this, but as far as I know their concerns with racism and stuff were always about your actions and not you specifically! They’ve gotten into activism over the last few years and I can assure you while they may be misguided or misinformed, their intentions are good. From what I know from our conversations about existing as a system online, they’re mostly trying to stand up for marginalized people in the system community.

I’m not the one picking them up from the hospital, but I am a dear friend of theirs and will be in touch with them after they’ve been released. Let me know if I can pass a message along! It would do them and my own system a lot of good to see this put to rest.

(You don’t have to post this if it makes you uncomfy of course! I hope you and your host are staying safe and hydrated ❤️)

I'm sorry. I didn't know what they went through. I do... wish that they had considered their own actions before the posts they made about me for all that time, and how that can hurt others.

Anyway, I think I've gotten out most of what I needed to say and won't mention them again after this post.

This post... does also get a little venty too though, so there's your warning.

This has been... a really sucky position to be in... being attacked and smeared by someone for months, finally saying a couple small things about them, and triggering this type of reaction. I'm having to defend myself from abuse accusations, while still trying to put out fires they set and continuously stoked (the zoophilia allegations, being a major one) and still being upset at them tagging me in response to a post where I explained that tagging people makes it easier for potential harassers to get to them.

So I'm in a position where I feel like I need to share my side of the story before the attacks against me escalate and get even further out of hand.

And I feel like I need to balance all of this while... genuinely not wanting to cause this person I used to like and get along with harm.

I mean, part of the reason that I didn't address the personal attacks for so long was because I know that I have a large blog and some of my followers can be a tad overzealous. (I love this community, but when you have 1500 followers, it only takes a small percentage of them to get aggressive and decide to resort to sending people hate anons. Another reason that I generally avoid engaging with anti-endos directly. Despite them taking it as a personal offense that I often screenshot without tagging them, this is done for the protection of the people I respond to. I generally only tag these days when I deem it absolutely necessary.)

I took a small precaution with my vent post and turned off reblogs to make it less likely they'll find it. I'll turn off reblogs on this one too.

And in a perfect world, that would be enough. I blocked their accounts that weren't blocking me already. They shouldn't see my posts.

And yet I can't shake the feeling their friend group is still watching everything I say, discussing it in that server of theirs, and will probably send it directly to them once they're out. And so any precautions I take to avoid hurting them further, while still trying to defend myself, are likely moot.

As for passing on a messages about how their actions affected me... I don't know what the point is.

Why would I want you to tell somebody dealing with suicidal ideation right now how much it hurts to see someone you used to like and respect turn against you? To have them namecall and attack you constantly? All while you stay quiet because you feel like anything you say will make things worse? (And yes, it does feel extremely personal when my name is mentioned constantly on their syscourse blog.)

Maybe there was a time to have that conversation with them but that time has long since passed.

Telling them that right now doesn't seem productive at all and only causes more strife.

If their other friends do decide to show them this last vent of mine, then that's on them. I've done what I can to keep this post from getting beyond my own blog. But I'm not going to ask somebody to deliver that message to somebody who is vulnerable right now because them knowing would only serve to make me feel better.

I guess... if you want to pass on a message... tell them that I'm sorry that I hurt them... tell them that I hope they're well... and ask that they not contact me or @ me again. Maybe that sounds cold, but I genuinely believe that's going to be the healthiest thing for everyone involved.

(Actually, if you don't mind, maybe ask them to avoid any accounts that have them blocked since last I heard, they were talking about remaking their post @'ing Eeveecraft on their main blog since Eeveecraft only blocked the syscourse blog... that's very much not okay. And I certainly don't want to see them develop a habit of that.)

There. That's it. Now I've said everything I have to say on the matter.

Thank you for being a good friend to them. I'm glad they someone like you looking out for them. 💖

#syscourse

[sophieinwonderland]

hey. just a random onlooker

what do you say to this? /nfa

im curious. im not really up to date on anything so i have no idea whats happening but i am curious

I was honestly just going to ignore Dia's post, but okay. Let's see if I can satiate your curiosity.

First, I should apologize for the misgendering. I tend to use they/them to refer to the whole system. (Because my issues with Dia extend to much of the system and I'm holding the system as a whole accountable.) I was aware that Dia uses it/its pronouns itself, but if this was a mistake and these pronouns are supposed to apply to the whole system then I apologize.

Since you're out of the loop, let me try to sum up some past events. Dia (and other members of the system) often behaves as an attention-seeking troll. Almost a year ago, Dia was making a callout document with a few pro-endos, including myself and @queerautism. (The blog was called "Dramatic Syscourse" and true to its name, seemed to be intended to stir up drama.) Neither of us really cared. Another party did, and one of the headmates asked that Dia not mention their name because they were afraid of harassment.

Dia didn't merely refuse. Dia mocked them and fakeclaimed them, literally telling them that they "weren't real." It was one of the most disgusting exchanges I've ever witnessed on this site.

Later, Dia and friends went after Queerautism again, attacking Queerautism for... having a separate 18+ blog, I think? Somehow, this ended up leading to an argument over whether kink should be allowed at Pride.

Multiple members of Dia's system made references to physically assaulting people displaying kinks. And to be clear, I'm not even talking things that are overtly sexual. The main point of contention with Dia and friends seemed to be a picture of a guy in a dog costume who, while perhaps not fully clothed, wasn't anymore undressed than one might be at a beach.

There was a heavy "think of the children" argument there as if kids are going to see anything sexual about a guy dressed as a dog.

Dia even allowed one of the system's littles to get involved in this discussion about kinks at pride, and the little threatened to bite anyone they saw at pride displaying kinks like this.

Aside from threatening physical assault against LGBT people at Pride, Dia also gave permission to this little to make a post calling out Queerautism and another user. If I remember correctly, the little, with Dia's permission, called them bitches. And their names were tagged to make sure it went straight to their notifications.

I assume that Dia's thought process was that this left the ones being attacked with two options. Either they ignore it and have to take the insult without being able to defend themselves, or they end up baited into attacking the little and Dia gets to use it for syscourse points.

Dia put its own little in a situation where the little might be harassed so that Dia could play victim if it successfully provoked an attack.

When Queerautism called out that this post was obviously bait, Dia immediately tried convincing everyone that the use of "bait" here was supposed to be sexual, and that queerautism and friends were pedophiles.

And I'm sure you can see the pattern. Lie, twist, bully, stir up drama, starts fights, and play victim.

Dia left syscourse for a bit to focus on its mental health, but recently made a return to invade pro-endo tags. I made my response here:

Okay! Are you caught up? Great!

This link you sent me seems to be addressing that. So let me just respond to that real quick.

i never said endogenics can't have their own space.

I never said that Dia said this. But this isn't about having our own spaces. This is about existing in general spaces and spaces Dia thinks should feel safe. I don't think most endogenic systems are interested in going into spaces specifically for DID. But we do want to exist in public. We certainly want to be accepted in spaces to support the disabilities we do have.

Dia's wording of "not wanting endos to be in a space [it] want[s] to feel safe in" is problematic, as it leads to the type of situation in that Tweet (from my other post) where you have someone getting kicked out of support servers for mental health issues in the name of protecting anti-endos who happen to be there.

i've seen endo systems CHOOSE to be a system. notice how i said MOST and not ALL?

And I'm saying most is still not accurate.

i do not mind you using our tags because you use my culture while being a white person!! why not use more of our shit, hm?

I also want to comment on this. I sincerely hope I've got all the information correct. Much of it is from memory since Dia has cycled through different blogs and old posts are impossible to track down.

From what I understand, Dia is not a practicing Buddhist. I believe Dia has said the family was Lutheran and Dia was raised into that religion, though I don't believe Dia is Lutheran either anymore. Dia at one point went off on CambrianCrew for quoting Buddhism to them though and made it clear that it's not religious.

And while Dia had a grandmother who was a Tibetan Buddhist who tried to create a sprul-pa (and called the practice bullshit when she failed,) Dia doesn't identify as Tibetan. Dia's bio specifically references being Japanese and Chinese as well as having descent from Norway and Germany, as those are all cultures Dia identifies with, but doesn't mention being Tibetan. And if I remember correctly (this was a long time ago,) Dia specifically said it doesn't usually identify as Tibetan when asked about this because the link is so tenuous.

So Dia is, if I'm getting this correct, not a Buddhist and doesn't identify as Tibetan.

I can believe Dia probably has some Tibetan ancestry, but it seems strange to me to only identify as part of a culture when you can get points in an internet argument.

I also remember an exchange where Dia mocked the CambrianCrew for suggesting that the Dalai Lama comment on it. As I recall, Dia suggested it would be ridiculous for the Dalai Lama to get involved "in syscourse." Which, I feel highlights its real feelings on the topic. Dia ONLY cares about the topic because Dia is a system. Dia might use culture and religion to bolster its arguments, but Dia doesn't really view this as a cultural or religious issue. If Dia was a singlet, Dia would probably never comment on tulpas at all.

Dia resents tulpas and parogenic systems for what we are, and is using a culture it doesn't identify with (but does have heritage from) to justify that.

I do believe Dia is trying to get better in some respects but...

I also believe Dia is still falling back on creating drama and starting fights as a coping mechanism. Maybe even provoking fights as a form of self-harm.

Hence why Dia invaded the endogenic tags and why it made this insult-laden post directed at me. Dia wants to start more drama, even though it never ends well for anyone involved.

#ask box #syscourse #pro endogenic #pro endo #pro tulpa #tulpa #endogenic

[sophieinwonderland]

Do I need to explain why I block someone?

I made the mistake of looking at the syscourse tag on another account and... okay... I guess this is a conversation you want to have out in public.

This is one part explanation, one part vent. Read below this line at your own risk.

Let me first assure you that blocking you had nothing to do with "avoiding accountability". I didn't want to address this. I've tried really hard to avoid it for such a long time. But it seems I've been put in a position where I have to defend my decision to block you to anyone reading.

Apparently I need to talk about the fact that many of our past interactions often led to arguments with you sending profanities my way. I need to bring up the first semi-callout post you made about me which you took down after another user too issue with it. I barely even remember the topic that was about.

I need to talk about how in one of our arguments which you escalated into screaming at me, you revealed that you had already blocked me on that old account, but because Tumblr is Tumblr, it didn't stop me from interacting with you. I blocked you immediately after out of respect when I realized you didn't want to interact.

(Ironically, people were calling me a block evader at the time because of that when I didn't know I had been blocked, and I ceased interaction immediately after I found out.)

I need to bring up when JAS came onto one of my posts THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH DID OR OSDD to attack my sources and try to invalidate my existence, you made a callout post about me because I stood by the sources I used. You told others to block me, and accused me of using "abusive sources." This was, again, after I already had you blocked.

You started interacting again on your new accounts once you moved past the old one. This was mostly fine but some of these interactions did often become aggressive, though perhaps not as bad as before.

Then this came to a head with me crosstagging my responses to anti-endo posts that themselves were crosstagged into endogenic and pro-endogenic tags. You argued that I was in the wrong for posting my responses in those tags. And I still maintain that doing this helped enforce our community's boundaries, providing a deterrent that has made anti-endos less keen on invading our spaces with hate posts.

You don't seem to take any issue with JAS posting in pro-endo tags though. But then, maybe you aren't interested in applying the same standard to a hate group that you are to their victims.

You also argued with me calling anti-endos, a group of people who defines themselves by their opposition to a marginalized community, as a hate group.

You blocked me once again for a second time because of both the way I defended my community and for labeling this hate group as a hate group.

I also know you went on to make posts detailing all the things you despised about me at the time. Of course, when I responded to asks that mentioned you, you sent me an ask requesting that we not mention each other again.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I would also like to humbly ask that we do not mention each other on our blogs any further. There are millions of more words I could say about you and your takes in syscourse, as I am sure there are millions you could say about me. We’re talking in circles around each other (the irony of which is not lost on me) and I’m tired of hearing my name in your mouth

And I'm following that request even if you aren't. I haven't mentioned your name since and you won't see me mention your name ever again, even in this post.

I saved a draft response to that ask but I was frustrated when I wrote it and ultimately decided against making that post, since it would have aired a lot of negative feelings built up over a long time which I didn't really want to air in public.

But right now I feel like I've been put in a position where I need to in order to clear the air and explain clearly to everyone why I blocked you.

Are you satisfied?

Do I need to go further?

Do I need to explain how seeing your name in my notifications again filled me with dread?

I hope you can understand now that my reasons for blocking you were not about "avoiding accountability" or because you "raised criticism." I can promise that my reasons were 100% personal.

I hope you can find this explanation satisfactory.

Now, it's time for me to get back to ignoring your existence as you requested. Have a great rest of your life.

#syscourse #vent