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onestopfanficshop · 10 months

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babysitter's club

pairing/warnings: hobie brown x f!reader; she/her pronouns used! cursing, some smooching, potential misuse of british slang (i'm sorry brits 😭), no phonetic spelling of hobie's accent, mayday being chaotic and adorable, reader and hobie talk about their future (kids), hobie and reader get to pretend to be domestic homeowners for a night, absolutely illegal amounts of fluff

word count: 3k

author's note: WOW okay. this took me over two months (?!?) to write. this is what happens when you take summer classes to get ahead 😔 but ANYWAYS! i hope you guys enjoy this!

"Only give her the one with carrots and the apples if she gets really fussy, okay? Tonight is peas, and... she's made it very clear how she feels about peas, so, good luck," you heard Peter say, chuckling as he closed the fridge and explained more of Mayday's feeding schedule to Hobie.

"Do I look okay?" MJ asked, stealing your attention away from the scene in the kitchen as she fussed with her hair in the hallway mirror.

"You look absolutely perfect," you reassured her, slightly adjusting the necklace that she was wearing. "Make sure you don't forget your umbrella though; I heard it was supposed to rain."

You saw the boys approaching you two from the kitchen and broke out in a grin.

"You lovebirds have nothing to worry about. We'll take good care of Mayday. Right, Hob?" you said, glancing sideways at you him.

"Yes ma'am," he confirmed, giving you a two-finger salute.

"If you guys need anything, just call, okay?" MJ said over her shoulder, stepping through the door that Peter was holding open for her.

Do not call, Peter mouthed when MJ's back was turned, pointing his two fingers at his eyes and then pointing them at you two. You waited until the door closed before you started to giggle.

"Looks like somebody's trying to get shagged tonight," Hobie chuckled, leaning against the living room wall as Mayday giggled happily from where she was seated on her playmat.

"Hobie! There is a child here for crying out loud!" you say exasperated, swatting at his shoulder.

"What? It's not like she knows what that means, love," he responded, looking at you with a lazy grin.

"Can you just—at least attempt to behave, please? I'm not trying to babysit two babies tonight, thank you very much," you say, rolling your eyes as you plant your hands on your denim-clad hips, eyes raking over the messy state of the living room. You made a mental note to pick up Mayday's toys off the floor before MJ and Peter came back.

"Listen, all I'm saying is—,” he pauses, crouching down in front of Mayday and picking up a toy that she had dropped to give it back to her. "If my theory's right—which it most definitely is—we'll be babysitting two babies in no time," he said mischievously.

"Oh my God. You did not just say that," you said, moving to sit cross-legged to the side of Mayday. You tried to stay serious, but you're unable to stop the smile spreading across your face.

"I'm only teasing, promise," Hobie grinned. "You wanna order in?"

"Already did. Wanted to be 100% certain that I was the one who ordered," you say, learning to the side a little as you pulled your phone out of your back pocket and unlocked it to check the status of your delivery.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Hobie asked innocently. Your thumbs pause their scrolling as you look up at Hobie, utterly unamused.

"Because I absolutely will not be bombarded with those ridiculously spicy wings you got for us last time. Genuinely unhinged behavior on your end to not warn me," you say, shuddering as you recall the horrors that your tongue experienced last week. Hobie threw is head back as he laughed, watching your face curl up at the memory.

"Ah, I wish you could've seen it, May-May," he told the child, his face lighting up as he heard Mayday giggle upon hearing his laugh. "Her eyes were so bloody red, like this," he said, chuckling as he pointed to the sleeve on his shirt.

"He's exaggerating, honey; don't mind him," you say, tickling Mayday under the chin, causing her to laugh even more. "My eyes were not that red, Hob," you protested as you smiled at Mayday.

"They absolutely were. I have photo evidence," he rebutted.

"Wha—you took pictures?!" you ask incredulously, whipping your head towards him. "Hobie, I swear on everything, you better dele—"

You're interrupted by the sound of rapid knocking on the door, causing Mayday to make a startled noise as she fearfully grabbed at your arm with her tiny hands. Hobie made his way over to the door as you tried to soothe the girl.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay, honey," you say soothingly, hoisting her up and holding her snug on your hip as you untangled your legs to stand up. "It's just the door, bub." You watched as Hobie kicked the door closed with one leg, balancing the pizza on one hand while he locked the door with his other hand.

"Dinner's served," Hobie said triumphantly, setting the box down on dining table.

"We gotta get you your dinner too, huh, May?" you said, gingerly setting her down in her high chair before you tugged open the fridge. You squinted, staring down the rows of puréed baby food before turning to Hobie. "Which one of these are we supposed to give to her again?" you ask, picking up one of the cold jars and turning it over in your hands.

"Tonight is P-E-A-S," Hobie says, recalling what Peter told him. He leans on the kitchen island with his forearms as he skims the paper with the list of instructions that MJ and Peter left for you two. "And then after that is her bath, and—"

"Why on Earth did you just spell pe—"

Your sentence is cut short by Hobie swiftly covering your mouth his his large hand, eyes going wide.

"She hates 'em," he whispered. "Even sayin' the word P-E-A-S throws her into a hissy fit."

"Okay, well—," you throw up your hands in disbelief before planting them on your hips. "When she sees the jar of green P-E-A-S, I'm pretty dam- dang sure that she's gonna know what they are," you pointed out, catching yourself before you swore as you tugged open the drawers to find a tiny spoon for Mayday.

"Nice save," Hobie said, smirking as he took a seat at the dinner table in front of the baby.

"Listen, if she's gonna be upset eating this, you have to be the one to feed her," you sighed. You pulled the jar out of fridge and set it down in front of Hobie, along with the spoon.

"Why me?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"Because she literally adores you?" you replied, as if it was common knowledge.

"Who doesn't?" he said, grinning.

"Alright, funny guy. We'll see if you're smiling when you have the 'vegetable-that-must-not-be-named' thrown all over you," you said, smirking as you opened the pizza box to help yourself. Hobie's hand covered the lid of the jar, and he gave it a firm twist, opening the jar with a pop.

"That's not very fair, love, innit?" he said, frowning at you as you got up to tuck a bib around Mayday's neck.

"It's actually very fair, in my opinion. This is payback for destroying my taste buds last week," you say, settling back into your chair and giving him an expectant look.

"You're never letting that go, eh?" he said, shaking his head. He scooped some of the food onto the baby-sized spoon, gauging Mayday's expression as he cautiously moved the spoon towards her mouth. The baby tentatively accepted the food, tasting it for a second before she scrunched up her face in disgust. Just like you predicted, she spit the food out of her mouth, nearly missing Hobie's shirt as she let out a short wail.

"Uh-oh," you say smugly, taking a bite out of one of your pizza slices. "You having fun yet?"

"May, c'mon," he pleaded with the infant, ignoring your quip. "S'not that bad, I promise," he said, trying to get her to take another spoonful. But Mayday remained defiant, turning her head to the side when Hobie brought the spoon to her mouth again as she let out little cries of frustration. He set the spoon down with a sigh.

"Man, why even make her eat this if she hates it?" he asked to no one in particular, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "Kid’s clearly miffed. I say we give her the one with the apples n' the carrots."

"Absolutely not. You get babies on the sweeter stuff now, and they'll never touch vegetables again," you declare adamantly, sliding the baby food over to yourself. You turned around and grabbed a spoon out of the drawer behind you.

"Look, Mayday!" you say cheerfully. You grabbed the spoon, scooped out a bit of the purée, and slathered it on your pizza slice. You mentally prepared yourself for the taste before you took an exaggerated bite, and the infant watched you curiously.

"See? It's really good!" you reassure her, encouraging her to try a spoonful of her food again. This time, she accepted the food from you, although her face still scrunched up every time she took a bite.

"You're a bloody baby whisperer," Hobie said in awe. "Are sure she likes it now?" he asked, taking note of the faces Mayday was making.

"Yeah, she just—" you paused, scraping out the last of pea purée and feeing to her. "A baby's gag reflex is closer to the front of their mouth. That's why they'll sometimes make faces when they eat a new food. Doesn't mean they hate it; they're just trying to decide if they like it or not. Right Mayday?" you say. The baby cooed in response, drooling out a little bit of her dinner. You lifted up the corner of her bib and wiped off the food that had gotten around the corners, and Hobie grinned as he picked up the empty jar, rotating it around and showing it off to Mayday.

"Nice job, kid. Did all that on your own," he said grinning, holding his palm up for a high five (Mayday ended up missing his palm almost entirely, but when you have limited fine motor skills, it's the effort that counts).

"Good job, May!" you beamed, pinching her cheeks. "Alright, lets get you cleaned up for your bath, yeah? We gotta let Hobie eat," you tell her, picking her up from her high chair.

"Finally," he said with an exaggerated sigh.

"So unbelievably dramatic!" you called over your shoulder as you carried Mayday to the bathroom.

Bath time, thankfully, went relatively smoothly (well, minus the part where May tried to play the "water drums", which got an ungodly amount of water onto the floor and subsequently, onto you. You're 99% sure Hobie taught her to do that at some point and made another mental note to lecture him about it later). After you dried her up and got some lotion and baby powder on her, you changed her diaper before getting her into her pajamas. By this point, she was pretty exhausted, and you could see her little eyes fighting to stay open as you laid her down in her crib.

"You were awesome today, May. Get some shut-eye for me, okay?" you said softly, kissing the top of her head. She was already asleep before you even finished your sentence, and you smiled at her one last time before you turned off the lights and quietly shut the door.

Hobie's head turned away from the TV at the sound of your footsteps padding on the floor, and he looked like he was trying to hold in a laugh.

"You look like you've gone swimming," he remarked in an amused tone, looking you up and down.

"You try giving a hyperactive eleven month-old a bath," you reply, sighing as you plopped down next to him on the sofa. You looked down at the splashed cuffs of your jeans before shrugging. "It'll dry, right?"

"For sure," Hobie nodded. "But aren't most eleven month-olds hyperactive?"

"Yeah, but most eleven month-olds aren't Mayday," you say, chuckling as you leaned your head onto his shoulder.

"True that," he laughed, draping his arm across your shoulder.

You two sat in a few minutes of comfortable silence, watching as a random 90s romcom played on screen at a low volume before you spoke again.

"Hey, Hob?" you ask.

"Hm?" he responded, still half-focused on the movie.

"I'm gonna ask you something, and I want you to be honest," you say. You adjust your position so that you're lying on your back across Hobie's lap, hands folded on your chest. He tears his eyes away from the screen and gives you his full attention.

"What is it, love?" he asked, brows furrowing slightly as he looked down at you.

"Did you teach Mayday to play the drums with water?" you ask, fighting back a smile.

"No...," he said mischievously, raising his eyebrows at you.

"Hobie!" you exclaimed quietly, trying not to wake up Mayday as you slapped his thigh.

"Nah, I really didn't. Swear down," he said truthfully, laughing softly as he put his hands up in protest. "Really, you oughta be lookin' at Gwendy for that. She let the kid have a go at her drums once—it was adorable. I mean, also terrible, because she kept missing the actual drums, but still adorable."

"Oh my God, that is too cute. I would've paid money to see that," you replied, fighting back a yawn.

"Yeah? I think Pav and Miles got it on video. I'll have em' send it to you," he chuckled, tracing random shapes on your cheekbones with his thumb. "You tired?"

"Yeah, but...," (this time, you let out your yawn) "...don't let me fall asleep here. I still have to pick up May's toys and put them away. Don't want Peter and MJ coming back to a mess," you sighed.

"Already did that, love," he said. You let your head loll to the side as you looked at the corner of the living room—sure enough, the toys were all neatly put away in the toy chest, and Mayday's playmat was rolled up and tucked away.

"You're an actual lifesaver," you say. You're about to let your eyes relax before you remember another thing, shooting them open again.

"Shit. I gotta do the dishes," you say. You're about to sit up before Hobie plants a hand on your torso, gently pushing you back down.

"Took care of that, too. And recycled the box. And the jar," he tells you, grinning down at you. "I'm a world-class babysitter, c'mon now."

"And a world-class boyfriend," you say, smiling as you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. He grabbed both sides of your face and started attacking your face with kisses as best he could at the awkward angle, causing you to let out a giggle.

"Hobie! You're gonna break your neck," you protest against his lips.

"Mm, small price to pay for getting to kiss you," he said, smiling.

"Nuh-uh, because then you'll have to get surgery, and you'll have to go through physical therapy, where they give you a bunch of instructions on what to do to get better, and we all know you hate being told what to do–"

"Alright, alright, point made," he laughed, giving you one last kiss before sitting up straight.

"God, I had no idea that taking care of a baby for a few hours would make me this tired," you sigh, rubbing at your eyes. "How on Earth do Peter and MJ manage to do it every single day?"

"Yeah... s'kinda mad when you really think about it," Hobie said pensively. "I mean, it's non-stop from the moment they're born 'til they move out. Guess you gotta take it day by day, yeah?"

You made a small sound of understanding, pondering what he said.

"How do you feel about... y'know, having kids? Like one day?" you ask quietly, craning your neck to up at him.

“Why? Are you…?” he trailed off, looking at your abdomen with raised eyebrows.

“Nonono, I’m not,” you reassured him, giggling. “I was just wondering.”

"Well, of course," he replied, sinking into the couch a bit more. "I love kids. I'd wanna adopt a whole bunch of 'em. Don't know if I'd be any good at the whole parenting thing, but..." he trailed off, chuckling to himself.

"You would be. I can see the way you are with Mayday; you're practically a natural," you said decidedly. "Me on the other hand... I dunno."

"You don't know?" Hobie said, snorting out a laugh. You turned your head to look at him, frowning.

"Don't laugh at me!" you protested, swatting at his shoulder.

"M'not laughing at you, swear," he said. "It's just funny you're saying that because you were a natural with May. You'd be an amazing mum."

"Really?" you ask, craning to look up at him.

"Really," Hobie confirmed, planting a quick kiss on the tip of your nose. You started to giggle, but the sound was quickly drowned out by a loud clap of thunder in the distance. You sat upright, startled by the noise as you peered behind the couch at the windows, and you were met by the sight of a sudden downpour.

"Oh God... I really hope that didn't wake up—"

Right on cue, you and Hobie heard the static noise of Mayday wailing through the baby monitor. You sighed as Hobie gently untangled himself from you, patting your thigh twice.

"I'll go get her," he reassured you, leaving the living room and disappearing into the nursery. You flopped back down on the couch again, groaning when another clap of thunder struck a few seconds later. You heard the sound of Hobie's socks shuffling on the ground, causing you to sit up and turn your head. You were greeted by the sight of a sleepy and disgruntled Mayday, who was clinging to the collar of Hobie's worn t-shirt. Her hair was frazzled, and her poor eyes were red from all the crying.

"Aw, it's alright, honey," you said soothingly. You outstretched your arms to Hobie, and he handed her to you to hold her. She curled up in a ball against your chest, watery blue eyes looking up at you as a few more lone sniffles came out.

"It's just a bit of thunder, love. You're alright as long as we're here, yeah?" Hobie chimed in. He sat next to you now, smoothing down the red hair on the baby's head in an attempt to calm her.

"You wanna stay here with us until the storm's over?" you asked gently. May let out a soft coo in response, so you took that as a yes. You grabbed the throw blanket that was sitting next to you on the couch and draped it across all three of you, and you let your head drop onto Hobie's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you and Mayday to tuck you both in. It wasn't long before the three of you fell into a peaceful sleep.

The door opened an hour later with the soft click of the door unlocking.

“Well, that was the most fun I’ve had in a while, honey,” Peter said, kissing the top of MJ’s forehead.

“Until it started pouring,” she replied, laughing. “What d’you think the kids are up to?”

Mary-Jane’s question was answered as soon as they rounded the corner. They were greeted by the sight of the three of you tangled up with the fluffy throw blanket hanging halfway off the couch. Hobie’s head rested on top of yours, his arms wrapped snugly around your waist. Your arms were around Mayday, who was sound asleep—a string of drool was dangling from her mouth, which was precariously close to landing on your jeans.

“Well, would you look at that,” Peter whispered, chuckling. He dug around in his pocket and grabbed his phone to snap a pic of the sweet scene in front of them.

“We’re definitely framing this.”

#hobie brown x fem!reader #hobie brown fluff #hobie brown x f!reader #hobie brown #hobie brown x reader #across the spiderverse #astv hobie #spiderman atsv imagines #spiderman atsv x reader

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soup-of-the-daisies · 8 months

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i’ve talked about this before but i just LOVE the sheer potential of a james-sirius-severus trio?? especially with the three of them in the same hogwarts house.

they’re all geniuses and they’re all feral and they’re all a bit cruel. they’re canonically SO smart it’s annoying. they become animagi three months after first opening a book about it—not for remus necessarily, but just because the three of them are bored and wanted to challenge themselves (severus becomes a fruit bat and sirius suggest they call him ‘count snapula’). they’re inventing new spells left and right by their fourth year. the map is more interactive than it is in canon because they just really enjoyed continuing to tweak and improve it as they continued to learn.

having (at least) two frighteningly loyal Boy Buds behind him, one of whom has incredible parents, severus doesn’t end up falling down the far-right pipeline. severus also never ends up losing lily, so he’s not particularly bothered by james and sirius’ soulmate-ish behaviour. he gets included in their shenanigans so much that it’s rather stifling anyway, and he invents muffliato solely because their dormmates are completely done with the unhinged, evil cackling coming from their side of the room when they’re figuring out a new prank.

the potters are a safe haven for severus, just like they are for sirius; and severus adores his mum, he really does, but after she dies young the potters are the people he flees to. euphemia hugs him and kisses his temple, takes him into the backyard to practice duelling. fleamont is ecstatic to have a potions prodigy under his roof and they spend many a days brewing away. james doesn’t mind, is happy to share with sev and later sirius, then gets infuriatingly smug when lily visits and emerges from the potions lab with flushed cheeks and bright eyes, because i bloody told you she’d love my old man, sev, didn’t i? (no james, i told you that)

i’m not entirely sure where remus and peter fit into this au, mainly because i imagine that this trio is more possible if james and sirius are sorted into slytherin and i don’t think remus and peter would willingly end up there. i also don’t want to ‘replace’ remus with severus here; they’re very different people, though fanon!remus is similar to how i imagine severus here.

regardless, harry (should he come to exist) ends up with another uncle—reluctant, yes, and strict as all hell, but endlessly protective. also nobody dies because sirius and severus together? nothing will happen to james and lily.

like?? i think those three would’ve made such a good fit under different circumstances. both sev and sirius have an acerbic sense of humour, and james seems to have that as well. sirius is shown to respect intelligence, something that sev has in spades. the three of them as friends is, from the outside, just a rapid-fire exchange of witty barbs, interwoven with academic theories and seemingly devastating insults. nobody understands how they became friends because james is so annoying and sirius looks so mean and severus seems to dislike literally everyone, but they are friends and not one person can do anything about that.

if they’d joined forces they would’ve been unstoppable. voldemort is annoyed that they won’t join him. dumbledore is annoyed that they won’t listen to his orders, because apparently they ‘know better than him’. severus calls lucius an unbearable pasty white slug during a battle and james, hyped up on adrenaline, cackles so uncontrollably sirius has to yank him out of the way of spellfire. they’re that ‘on a leash’ meme in no particular order and it’s so great

#james potter #sirius black #severus snape #hp au #harry potter #marauders era #the bullying is 100% friendly in this au because that’s just what they’re like #lily joins the fray at some point and has the best possible time #walburga & orion have a conniption about sirius befriending a blood traitor and a half blood

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saintsenara · 10 months

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Can you elaborate on some of the deranged fan theories you mentioned you believe? ex. Ron is a latent Seer

thank you for the ask, @thesilverstarling - based on this post in which i mention some of the unhinged and deranged fan theories i believe.

these are:

ron is a latent seer

ron spends the earlier books of the series as a very specific children's literature archetype. he is the insider to the world of the story [whereas harry - the everyman protagonist who is also the reader's point-of-view - is not] and he fills in all the context that harry and the reader need to know in order for the plot to advance.

that's why early ron [regrettably, his conformity to genre-type gets nerfed in the later books in favour of hermione knowing everything - as per her archetype within the series' transition to a folkloric narrative, the helper - although he's undoubtedly the most street-smart of the trio even in deathly hallows] knows all sorts of baffling-but-useful information.

such as, in philosopher's stone:

"But it’s against our laws," said Ron. "Dragon breeding was outlawed by the Warlocks’ Convention of 1709, everyone knows that."

which amps up the stakes of the norbert plot line, starting up the narrative arc which ends with harry encountering quirrellmort in the forbidden forest.

but beyond his knowledge of facts and stats, ron also has a tendency - especially, again, in the early books - to advance the plot by mentioning as an incidental detail something which will then turn out to be absolutely crucial later in the narrative. his best example of this is this, from chamber of secrets:

"I wish I knew why someone did try to chuck it," said Harry. "I wouldn’t mind knowing how Riddle got an award for special services to Hogwarts either." "Could’ve been anything," said Ron. "Maybe he got thirty O.W.L.s or saved a teacher from the giant squid. Maybe he murdered Myrtle; that would’ve done everyone a favour..."

i have always liked the idea that ron knows these things because he has some latent talent in divination, sadly unnourished by the fact that he thinks it's a bullshit subject and doesn't try hard at it.

ron is time-travelling dumbledore

this one had fans in a chokehold in the pre-half-blood prince era, after it was posted on a now-defunct forum, which can be found thanks to the magic of the wayback machine here.

the justification is beautifully deranged - the bit about ron not appreciating all the socks he has, dumbledore's sincerest desire, sends me into orbit - and i think we should all endeavour to make this theory have a comeback in 2024.

crookshanks was the potter family cat mentioned by lily in her letter to sirius

in prisoner of azkaban, hermione tells us that her new pet has spent a long time in the magical menagerie:

"Poor Crookshanks, that witch said he’d been in there for ages; no one wanted him."

maybe he's been waiting for years. maybe he's been waiting for twelve years?

after all, we know that crookshanks:

hates scabbers, whom he recognises as noted wrong 'un peter pettigrew long before he meets sirius.

loves and adores sirius - who was presumably around him a lot when he lived with the potters, seeing as he was james' best friend - to the extent that he throws himself in front of harry's wand when he thinks he's going to hurt sirius. as sirius says, the marauders' code was that they would rather die than betray their friends. crookshanks heard it while he dozed on the sofa in a godric's hollow living room as the boys were chatting shit in the kitchen.

is often shown being affectionate to harry in his time of need.

after careful vetting, very much approves of ginny. perhaps when he sees harry and ginny together he remembers his old owners. perhaps harry isn't beating the oedipus complex allegations...

all of which is to say, crookshanks is the trio's fourth marauder. no wonder sirius had him booked and busy for a full year.

george weasley is willy wonka

is a stupid bit of whimsy, outlined here.

stan shunpike is a genuine death eater

this is a fan theory in so much as i'm a fan and i believe it, but i do think it's quite convincing...

throughout the series, harry has an extremely black-and-white, emotionally-driven view of the world. in particular, he tends to assume that anyone he likes is good and anyone he dislikes is bad, and that his read on people is automatically correct. he takes against most of the villains [draco malfoy, dolores umbridge] or quasi-villains [gilderoy lockhart] on sight, and his judgement in this decision is almost always correct.

almost always.

it backfires on him a couple of times in the series - for example, in his immediate trust in the tom riddle of chamber of secrets, who he thinks must be on his side because he's an orphan, looks a bit like him, and isn't pureblood - even before we come to the big twin revelations of deathly hallows: that snape, whom he's always loathed, and dumbledore, whom he's always trusted, are more complicated than his usual way of seeing the world can allow.

but, in general, harry gets away with forming snap judgements on the basis of personal like or dislike. indeed, outside of three examples above, his instinctive response to someone usually ends up being justified.

the reader is, then, clearly supposed to take the same view as harry when it comes to stan shunpike's doings in half-blood prince and deathly hallows: that stan isn't a real death eater; that his arrest is illegitimate; and that, if he's implicated in any wrongdoing, it's because he's under the imperius curse.

but, i'm afraid to say, harry is dead wrong. stan - who, like so many other wayward youths who find themselves in lord voldemort’s orbit, longs for power - is a fully paid-up and sincere member of that organisation. he gets off scot free at the end of the war when harry vouches for him and spends the rest of his life chuckling.

delphini's existence is entirely plausible

this is a reference to a theory from a really odd little piece of fan-fiction called harry potter and the cursed child, which has as a central plot line the baffling idea that lord voldemort knocked up bellatrix, didn't immediately murder her the second he found out he'd done so, and became the reluctant father to a daughter with an even worse name than albus severus.

i should say that i've never actually seen cursed child, but it sounds like a scream. complete dogshit, obviously, but in an entertaining way...

i should also say that i am a delphini truther. i think she makes perfect sense as an arc in bellamort's weird relationship.

very few people seem to agree - delphini features in my fic one year in every ten as literally nothing more than a cipher for her father's neuroses, and the eye-rolling in the comments whenever she's mentioned is still going to detach a few retinas - but that sign won't stop me because i can't read.

i don't, i should say, think that she's planned. i think somebody was daydreaming about horcruxes when he should have been paying attention in slughorn's sex-ed lessons, and she's an accident. i like the idea of lord voldemort fucking around and finding out that even he isn't resistant to human biology. i like the idea that bellatrix - who, canonically, tells him to his face to stop being a dick and realise that snape's a spy - simply ignores him when he demands she terminates the pregnancy. i like the idea that, since he knows deep down that bellatrix wants a part of him that's fully hers - since he a) won't ever commit to her in the way she wants, and b) won't ever tell her that she has a piece of his soul in her bank account - he begrudgingly relents. after all - and i'll die on this hill - he does love her, in his own very strange little way.

as well as being a great tool for a bit of bellamort insight, delphini is a great next-gen blank slate for all sorts of people's character development. the resurrected voldemort of one year in every ten is in shambles over how much she looks like him when he was young. the harry and ginny of everlasting ink are learning through her that bellatrix wasn't just a deranged sadist, but was also quite a lot like their beloved andromeda and tonks. the narcissa of ecclesiastes three is debating telling her estranged sister that she has a niece. the merope of the shack at the end of the lane is discussing baby names and reflecting on falling in love with unsuitable men with the closest thing she'll ever have to a daughter-in-law.

i also think delphini provides a much more interesting example of the cycle of the series repeating itself after the war ends than teddy. both tonks and lupin dying at the battle of hogwarts, leaving their son an orphan - like gasp! harry - always feels so tacked on to me. but both tom riddles ending up with children they didn't really want and have no idea how to relate to, whose mothers are both dead, and who grow up simmering with resentment over being abandoned? inject it.

and then, of course, the final and most serious deranged fan theory i believe

hagrid is a death eater.

#asks answered #hagrid is a death eater #ron is time travelling dumbledore #i am a delphini stan account

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fried-eggs152 · 5 months

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What are your Phineas and Ferb ships and how do you imagine their dynamics? Love your blog btw! :)

I saw this question and suddenly I wasn’t as tired as I thought I was I sat up and ran to the kitchen I felt like entrapta

(Thank you so much)

OK OKOK!! I have a couple in hand not much but some :D (I went on a rant I’m so sorry)

Let’s start with my two obvious favourites

1. Buford x phineas, sure bully x nerd cliche but this is a different type of relationship I see.

Slowly but surely they become close friends and even buddies, I feel like Buford would be a the same just less defensive with phineas and his random unhinged moments. Usually listening phineas rant about what seems to be a bug (or other things) and what type of bugs he’s allowed and not allowed to eat (summer belongs to you episode), and Buford would talk about his fish they both could keep each other going if they didn’t have their best friend (baljeet and ferb) they can remind each other of the small things they forget say perhaps phineas waking up as early as Buford does. Or reminding Buford to take care of himself once in a while that type of thing. As much as Buford tried to be a bully he has a limit of being a bully and honestly he isn’t so bad of a guy and I can see phineas reading that pretty well.

Their dynamic would be like..not like baljeet and Buford’s it just as much as a symbiotic relationship but a lil differently. Clownfish and anemones!!! That’s their relationship! Buford’s the anemone and phineas is the clownfish! (Ironic because of his shirt) it’s healthy and they keep each other going and safe! (Also phineas would prolly help with biff alot)

2. Perry the platypus x Peter the panda

Yeah I know I doubt Perry likes Peter after doof ‘cheated’ on him with Peter but when they work together (when they saved doofenshmirtz) I feel like Perry’s bitterness would fade slowly. (Also the time they went on a date when they fixed the balloon) as it did happen. Perry would find a way to get Peter in the picture, long term relationship wise. Their dynamic is kinda like ‘I secretly love you but I have to much of a lone wolf ego to say it’ and Peter ‘I know.’ Peter understands Perry’s relationship with Heinz and respects what was probably said boundary wise. The two having to listen to their nemesis or not listen it would be nice to just be with someone you can open up to even if it means in your own agency. And different species. It’s like a..hero x hero typa thing! They can keep each other up and going if their nemesis gets abit..much..I also feel like he’s be texting Peter on how stupidly naive Heinz could be and Peter rant about mysterious (what’s his name) being too closed off to open abit more.

Ok this one is especially weird- like ‘wtf 🤨’ weird

3. Lawrence x Heinz; OK hear me out (pls)

They had one interaction (when Lawrence temporarily became evil..it didn’t last) I didn’t think of it, it’s the dynamic I thought of.

Lawrence watching as Heinz talks to himself about it some platypus and the explosion leaving marks behind he would probably tend to the dirt and messes. Listening to Heinz rant and rant and rant- and when Heinz is done he’d ask for Lawrence’s info about antiques and such and they’d just share each others special interest (ADHD + Autism) and he’d take care of norm every once and awhile so Heinz doesn’t flip out on him. It’s healthy and Heinz would be so affectionate (probably) AND ferb would get to meet Heinz which works out to help Heinz make some fun inator’s (not evil Heinz’s attention would be on ferb and Lawrence’s safety his own is irrelevant) Lawrence would be oblivious to the evil but not to oblivious to see the inator’s. He’d prolly go “what is this dear?” -L

“It’s my new inator that vines down to a traumatic period of my life!” -H

“That’s healthy to put it in scientific technology. Do you want to talk about it over some almond brittle and tea?”-L

“You know me so well” -H

IT WOULD BE ADORABLE. (In my eyes)

4. Buford x ferb.

Alright almost the same thing as BxP but ferb’s silent demeanour would probably have an affect with Buford’s bully behaviour. Like put them in a room together Buford would say a couple mean things then suddenly he’s quiet. Almost sleepy at this point. Then suddenly ferb says one fact and Buford adds on to that fact and suddenly they’re having a one sided conversation as Buford debates said fact and ferb debates silently.

One would be the voice of the other (Buford being ferbs voice) about what’s right or wrong.

(Not much on this ship tbh)

5. Baljeet x phineas the two’s dynamic is simple and easy!

Anddd baljeet would be there to fix little mistakes phineas would do (Audhd) and phineas would be sorta annoyed but literally happy he doesn’t think about that small mistake for the rest of his life.

Another symbiotic relationship. Unknown animals though I’d say Coyote and badger, both smart in their own ways.

Almost about It maybe Isabella one day attention for her x someone

Maybe a fireside girl

Alr let me think some more

#great googly moogly #I am now suddenly shaky #phineas and ferb #pnf #phineas flynn #pnf phineas #pnf ferb #ferb fletcher #perry #perry the platypus #peter the panda #heinz doofenshmirtz #lawrence fletcher #ships #buford x phineas #buford van stomm #baljeet #pnf baljeet #and many more to be said

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stackthedeck · 2 years

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do you have any spideydevil headcanon’s to share? i’m honestly desperate for new spideydevil content and no one in this fandom is making any anymore :(

I KNOW RIGHT!! About a month or two after no way home, Peter and Matt kinda dropped from the mcu fans' radar. I actually have a lot of thoughts about how Marvel's constant stream of content is bad for transformative fandom in the long run and migratory sub-fandoms within relatively stable fandoms but that's a post that requires academic citations someone please ask me about this dear god I couldn't fit it into a three minute tiktok and if I just post an essay about the mcu that'd a special unhinged cringe

But spideydevil headcanons! (this isn't about mcu Peter, hate that I have to say that, but you know)

They get together almost by accident. Both of them almost exclusively date non-heroes and that always goes wrong, there's always something they can't give to their partner because they have to be a hero. And so they swear off dating, in fact, they swear off dating together. They were venting to each other and decided hey let's do this together. And when you're really aware of the fact that you're not dating, you realize you're acting like you're dating. Bringing food to stake-outs that quickly just become picnics, crashing at each others' places just be annoyingly touching on the couch, panicking whenever either of them are in an above average amount of danger. They have like a whole brothers-in-arms type of deal but also kind of a friends with benefits type of deal because it's Matt and it's also Peter let's be real they're both sluts. After about the fifth time of waking up to Peter clinging to him in bed after a dinner at the top of a skyscraper the night before, Matt's like "okay, I'm pretty sure this is dating."

They do a lot of fixing each other up after fights. Peter's healing factor is good, but it's not that good and Matt is Matt so the first aid kit is well stocked. Peter usually tries to patch himself up, he's too precious with his secret identity that he's often suffering alone. The injuries will always heal eventually, but Matt still fuses over him and know that he's hurting, touching him carefully. Matt has plenty of people that know he's Daredevil, he could call Claire or Foggy or Karen, but he calls Peter. Peter doesn't touch him like he's made out of glass, just slaps the bandage on and tells him to be more careful next time, or call him before the fight. Even though he knows Matt can handle himself, he still presses his bruised knuckles to his lips and kisses them better. Knows that Matt can take the pain, needs the pain, but still doesn't want him to suffer.

Peter is Jewish and Matt is Catholic and you'd think that'd cause some problems, but it doesn't. Peter's non-practicing and Matt's a bad Catholic, but they both love to talk about religion. They don't argue the little details because neither of them keeps the little details of their own faiths, it's always more about throwing questions at each other the "what ifs" and the "how do we know" and "are we really sure" kind of questions. vocalizing that doubt, it grounds them and connects them to that higher force. They both like talking and thinking and letting faith be a place of doubt is oddly enough reassuring. They both have very different experiences with faith, both practice very different faiths, but that connection to something higher, little rituals when they can, connecting with a community, it's different but it's the same. Peter still thinks Christians are superstitious and weird and he's right and you couldn't pay him to go to a mass, but he likes how Matt sounds when he prays, his fingers gently rubbing the rosary beads. Matt gets invited to high holidays and he adores the joy that religion brings to Peter's family and community and respects the solemn history, aspires to the level of knowledge and discussion. Anytime Peter brings Matt to Aunt May, she asks, "so when are you going to convert" and Matt says, "when Peter proposes" and Peter hates them both and is pretty sure they're both joking...maybe.

Peter's spidey sense has nothing on Matt's radar, but it is better than most people. They throw things a lot. If it is not nailed down and it must be given to the other person, it's getting thrown. Foggy nearly has a heartache when Peter swings by the office and just chucks a thermos of hot coffee at Matt who catches it without flinching. This also results in them throwing themselves at each other (insert that Brooklyn 99 meme). Which results in trying to sneak up on each other. Peter falls from the ceiling into Matt's open arms and pouts because "I was so fucking quiet how did you know? I was really trying this time!" Matt uses his ninja skills to sneak into Peter's apartment, controlling his breathing and heart rate, surely he's not a danger to Peter's spidey sense because they're dating. Peter finds him within moments of stepping in the door and dips him into a kiss which Matt accepts but he does whine the rest of the night. But both of them have reflexes that board on pre-cognition and this makes for some wild team-up fighting. Like Matt flips off a skyscraper the same second Peter arcs into a swing, catching him and then throwing him again so that both their swings are perfect, the two of them tossing the billy clubs around like a ping pong ball so fast the bad guys can't even see it, lot of crazy acrobatic shit

Matt is horrified when he actually witnesses Peter's hand-to-hand combat skills. Like Peter's web combat is something completely by his own design, Matt can't touch that. But holy shit who taught Peter to throw a punch? No one?! He can't let this stand, super strength and healing are the only things keeping him standing. Matt brings Peter to Fogwell's and it brings up old memories of Elektra, but also his dad and the good and the bad, old and new mix together and there's nowhere else he wants Peter. He shows him how to throw a punch, how to hold himself, how to make a fist and there's so much touching. Like Matt, you don't need to put your hands on him to make sure he's in the right position. But if they also fuck in that boxing ring that's nobody's business but theirs. Suddenly Peter isn't all awkward long harsh lines, he's tight and controlled and there's always been power behind him but now it's focussed. It's beautiful and terrifying, but that proper form works wonders like holy shit he has so much energy now that his body doesn't need to pour extra strength into shitty punches and heal micro fractures in his hands

Peter has a spot with everyone he's ever been serious about. With Gwen, it was the Brooklyn Bridge. With Johnny, it was the statue of liberty. With MJ, it's the top of the Rockerfeller center. With Matt, it's the Chrysler Building. It's very climbable, lots of places to swing from. The right kind of quiet when you get up high enough. Late night meetings that started as all business that turned into friends hanging out and shooting the breeze that turned into their spot. turned into picnics and secrets they couldn't tell anyone else and nervous kiss that turned confident slower than they should have

they have this fun game called "if you don't sleep I'll personally knock you unconscious" it was a joke at first, but their "self-care" talks have devolved into violence multiple times. It's how they show affection. MJ has walked into Peter's apartment, Matt in the full devil costume and shoving water down his throat. She preceded to help hold Peter down and also made sure he took his vitamins. They both have equally terrible self-destructive personal habits that they both hypocritically criticize each other for, but coffee is the no go zone. They both have crippling caffeine addictions and neither will challenge the other about it, in fact, they're enablers. "how much did you sleep last night" "I've got five hours max this whole week" "I'll cover your patrol while you get eight hours" "It sounds like you're trying to break up with me" "fine, I'll make a pot of coffee, but we're only staying out till four tonight."

Matt and Peter are both massive nerds but in different directions. Stem kids vs humanities kids. Peter will sit and babble at Matt for a solid hour about this one chemical reaction he's observing in the lab and there's evidence that it could be occurring in the human body but they need to run more tests but if it's the case then... and on and on and once he pauses to talk a breath, Matt's like so cool babe let me tell you about this court case from the 80s that actually sets a legal preciden that could be destroy copyright law if we spun it right. This goes on for hours. They adore it, it's great.

Matt is a cat person, Peter's a reptile guy, and they do not own pets. They don't want kids, they don't want to get married. They are both allergic to commitment. But the fact that neither of them has offered commitment or even asked about it is its own form of commitment. Like an unspoken promise that they want to be together in some fashion, probably dying in battle together, is enough and exactly what they need. Because they risk death every time they put on the suit and they can't commit to anyone because they're so fragile they have nothing to commit. They work because no one understands the superhero life like them

(nsfw) Matt—both in and out of costume—is constantly fighting for control, fighting to be respected and seen as powerful. If he lets go of that control for even a second, if he's seen as less than perfect for even a second, his life falls apart. Peter feels like he has no control, his life has been one unstoppable force after the other. They kinda naturally fall into a dynamic in the bedroom of Matt giving up control and Peter taking it. It works for them, they have safewords, and it's really really good. Peter is really into tying Matt up whether this is a spider thing or a Peter thing is a subject of endless debate. He likes hearing Matt beg, knowing that he wants him, wants what he can do. Matt likes the noises Peter makes, those small gasps of pleasure when he finally takes what he needs. He likes the praise that he gives so easily and openly, it makes Matt feel precious and wanted. He likes being manhandled a bit, Matt's a big guy almost pure muscle, but Peter is stronger, can throw him around if he wants or if Matt asks, begs.

#asks #spideydevil #matt murdock #peter parker #this is not about mcu peter!!#this is about literally any other peter #frankly it's about comics peter #who has been an adult for decades now

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ardenrabbit · 2 years

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

Oh!! What a cool question! Thank you :D

I can't be super precise because I love a lot of characters and don't want to hurt their feelings, but here's who comes to mind. In no particular order:

1. Uncle Iroh from Avatar: the Last Airbender. He's the only one I'm actually definitively saying is in a ranking. He's the best one. I love how unfailingly kind and loving he is, and that he demonstrates the beautiful ability to be silly and simply happy despite all the tragedy he's seen. Of course I also love almost every other character in the show, too, but Iroh is Best.

2. Elodin from The Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss: This man is insane. He is eccentric and opinionated and owns it. He does not give half a fuck what people think of him and cares very, very much about everything else in the world. I want to know everything he knows. He is a trickster god I think.

3. The Cthaeh from The Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss: Same book series as Elodin but god they both deserve their own mentions since the Cthaeh is on another fuckin level from literally everything. No spoilers, but this thing is the absolute coolest monster concept I have ever seen in any form of media.

4. Makenna from The Goblin Wood by Hilari Bell: This was my favorite book as a kid. Makenna is a badass hedgewitch who befriends a goblin named Cogswhallop. She's violently anti-colonialism and definitely a communist. I literally want to name my kid after her. Write characters like Makenna.

5. Boromir from The Lord of the Rings, mostly referring to the Peter Jackson films because FotR is my favorite movie: I love him. I love him I love him. He was the Best Of Men, and everyone else in the Fellowship was some kind of magic so he was the only one who fell victim to the Ring's sway, but he never stopped being a good man with a noble heart.

6. Hua Cheng from Heaven Official's Blessing by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu: God. I love this author and maintain that she's a genius, and I love so many of her characters, but Hua Cheng gets the first honorable mention because he is The Most Unhinged. All my mxtx favorites are unhinged tbh, but Hua Cheng is on another level. He's made a hobby out of self-sacrifice and makes stalking look tragically romantic. He vacillates between sweet, heart-wrenching adoration for one (1) person and top-tier vicious snarkiness for literally anyone else. He is a force of darkness and a shy baby.

7. Zevran from Dragon Age: My favorite game series. My guy. He tries very, very hard to make you think he doesn't have depth but he's actually just a mastermind at deflection and his heart is behind like eighteen million locked doors. He's cheerful! He's not. He's deeply depressed and his loyalty shows up LOUD when you're not emotionally prepared for it. He's possibly the most devoted companion character in the game.

8. Cole from Dragon Age: He is my son. My treasured baby boy. He loves you. I read Asunder before Inquisition came out so girl I shrieked when he was announced as a featuring character.

9. Nezumi from No. 6 by Atsuko Asano: He's a dick. Pretentious deuteragonist goth boyfriend who quotes classical Western poetry, thinks violence is funny until he sees his Soft, Sweet protagonist engage in it, and commands swarms of bees. His dream is to overthrow the dystopian government.

10. Liu Jianghe from Saved the Public Enemy by Mistake by Liu Muqiao: I'm obsessed with this one lately. Shamelessly promoting this manhua on the Bilibili app. He's my profile icon rn. Unhinged. Not sure what he's capable of. Sweet boy. Keeps making it look like he's the bad guy but all of his decisions are specifically engineered to help the main character fix his life. Everyone is confused and this maniac is cheerful and pretty much lives on the brink of death. Please read it guys it literally only has like 6 fics on AO3 and I want to talk to people about it

#oh look it talks #uncle iroh #atla #elodin #cthaeh #notw #kkc #the goblin wood #boromir #lotr #hua cheng #tgcf #zevran #cole #dragon age #dao #dai #nezumi #no. 6 #liu jianghe #stpebm

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x-authorship-x · 1 year

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Now I'm curious though, after anon's crossover ships list I wanna ask: what are YOURS crossover Shisui ships?

Hmmm I have quite the collection but let's just go with a handful that I actively think about (update: I got carried away as per usual)

Shisui/Fili (The Hobbit) Listen. Listen. I adore Fili, the Golden Prince, okay. He has too many knives (never too many) hidden in implausible places, he loves his brother more than even seeing the kingdom he could inherit, he has the BIGGEST baby blues on a grown man (dwarf). Idk how this happens, if Shisui is a reborn as a dwarf who can fucking breathe fire and shit, or if he's a man with these crazy powers or WHAT but it's gotta happen. Can you fucking imagine Susanoo versus Smaug??? EXACTLY. Fili is mischievous but responsible, he is devoted to his younger brother and to his duty, he's skilled and handsome and sweet and he absolutely should've lived and IF THIS ISNT RINGING BELLS FOR SHISUI IDK WHAT TO TELL YA Shisui Dragonslayer (or does he Mangekyou Smaug and get a pet dragon? Even fucking better) is Fili's crown husband I SAID WHAT I SAID

Shisui/Legolas (LotR): Shisui and Legolas jumping around trees and being painfully pretty whilst on an endless hunt? Sign me the FUCK UP

Shisui/Aragorn (LotR) can you see where this is going lol I'm not saying that Aragorn meets Shisui in the wild and they grow close because they're sensitive dark poetry boys with the weight of the world on their shoulders and Aragorn is crowned king and Shisui swears as his knight/court wizard and Aragorn accepts his oaths and holds his chin so tenderly and-

Shisui/Arwen (LotR) OKAY BUT LISTEN I MENTIONED THIS OFF HAND IN THE RED ALLY FIC AND THEN IT DUG IT'S CLAWS IN AND JUST IMAGINE THAT SHISUI IS A BLIND ISTARI AND ARWEN GLOWS WITH SO MUCH LIGHT IN HER SOUL THAT SHISUI CAN ALWAYS FIND HER 🥹 AND THEY RAISE ARAGORN TOGETHER LIKE HEY THATS MY DAD *BADASS BLIND ISTARI* AND MY MUM *THE EVENSTAR ABOUT TO GARROTE THE RING WRAITHS* AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WTF AND THEN SHISUI AND ARWEN ARE SO GENTLY SPOKEN AND CARING AND EVERYONE IS LIKE DAMN ARAGORN IS DEFFO THEIR SON THE KING IS HALF ELF AND HALF WIZARD AND ALL BABE

Shisui/Loki (MCU): we've been here before, run through my Loki tags

Shisui/Peter Parker (MCU): we've touched on this but just... The fluff, being badass and gravity defying and Peter needs more same age allies and also IMAGINE shisui being shown how to actually be a teenager

Thor/Shisui (MCU); see one of my Loki tagged posts about personalities BUT CMON Thor 'i committed atrocities and regret them' meeting Uchiha 'immoral-eyes' Shisui, they are both earnest and slightly misguided and also Loki wouldn't hate him and shisui would blend well with Thor's more straightforward personality, also they could both wear red like nice husbands

Shisui/Matt Murdock (Daredevil): I'm not gonna lie i just love this actor. The blind leading the blind. They are both devastatingly gorgeous and it's unfair. Matt is like "listen... I know I'm bleeding but i need you to stitch me up before you freak out" and Shisui is like "omg are you the one who snapped the legs of those twelve mobsters? Babe 🥺 we could've been doing this together" and Matt is like "....do you want to get married effective immediately" ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Shisui/Bucky (MCU) reconditioning? Reconditioning ❤️ hurt comfort out of time/world badassery all around

Shisui/Nezuko (Demon Slayer) LISTEN. LISTEN. nezuko. ❤️‍🔥👏 Thank you for coming to my TED talk

Shisui/Tanjiro (DS) AGAIN LISTEN TO ME..... Exactly. You've thought about it, you understand, the energy, the desperation, the resolve, the responsibility, the baby boys with hearts of gold and such agonizing faith. You're welcome

Shisui/Rengoku (DS) let me tell you something LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-!!! FIRE. ARSON. GORGEOUS. PASSIONATE. A LITTLE UNHINGED WHEN THE ADRENALINE HITS. GODSPEED

Shisui/Dabi (Bnha) so shisui is definitely a villain. Why? He's not hurting anyone.... Except yes he has killed or driven insane every person to cross him. Whoops. Shinobi morality is iffy as fuck here ("shisui was a pacifist" make canon make sense on your own post pls👋) and I'm not saying that he's fleeing the hero commission and being slandered by the press but that's exactly what I'm saying. Dabi didn't hire him to kill endeavor. No, Natsuo did that. Dabi is just pissed that this bitch keeps popping up and stealing his jobs. Why does he have crazy eyes and green flames? Hasn't he ever heard of brand infringement? Right in front of Dabi's salad??

Shisui/Mirko (Bnha) IF YOU HAVENT THOUGHT ABOUT IT YOU HAVEN'T LIVED

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steelycunt · 2 years

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ok i saw ur why remus loves sirius post snd im gna need u to pretty pls do a why sirius loves remus post if u havent already <3 the longer the better <3 thank u for ur service

hi babe! thank you! sorry it took me a bit of time to get to this <3

breaking it down the way i broke down my answer abt sirius (as in, starting with when they're young)...i like to think that he was like. in love with remus by the time the train arrived on the first journey in 1971, but that sort of love at first sight is admittedly hard to defend/explain. however, i do think that remus was one of the first genuinely nice people sirius ever met in his life. james is a wonderful friend and peter is sweet but remus is a truly good person in a way that takes sirius aback a bit. also, i reckon remus being so quiet and reserved at first draws him (and platonically, james) in a bit. as in, remus seems like a nice boy. and sirius would like to hear him say more than about ten words maybe.

obviously as they become friends sirius finds that he is smart and brilliant and very funny without having to be a bit of an arse, like he and james are when they're young. he enjoys talking to him he enjoys spending time with him. and he really does think remus is sooo pretty and attractive too. he's kind of not but sirius doesnt know that. he likes remus' hair he likes his voice he wants to tell jokes to make remus smile. remus is attractive in a comfortable, familiar sort of way.

i also think sirius is at his best around remus, really. of course there are bits of him that become angry and jealous and overreact because of his feelings towards remus too, but especially when theyre young remus brings out a gentle, kind side of sirius that he really likes. and after they find out abt remus' condition that sort of serves to illuminate to sirius the fact that he would probably actually do anything for remus. he would do anything to help him or to make him smile or to make sure he's happy. not least because of how much he trusts remus + how remus is there for him concerning issues with his family and all that.

by about...age fifteen, perhaps? he adores remus. like its simple as that. all the things that might be sort of. uhhhh. lame or dull or a bit loserish about him...sirius finds soo endearing. there is nobody like him (you could walk outside and spot like six guys like him in roughly 30 seconds but again sirius doesn't get that). that partially fuels the sort of jealousy and anger that sirius can get a bit caught up in, but that's only because i think he is sooo constantly worried that remus will get fed up with him. i've said this b4 but he definitely thinks remus can do better and find someone a bit more emotionally mature. there comes a point strangely early on in their relationship where he just. wouldnt really know what he'd do without remus (considering he's already had a brief trial of that after the prank). it's like i said on the post about remus loving sirius...they are best friends. sirius has only had eyes for him since he was genuinely. eleven years old. he will always want to be around him. making remus smile is just as rewarding when he's twenty one or thirty six as it is when he's twelve. they keep each other together they're just absolutely unhinged that's just the bottom line :-(

#thank u for this ask babe! sorry to everyone sending me stuff right now i know i am being. sooo slow at responding to my inbox right now #i am slow at stuff like texting and such at the best of times and these are emphatically Not the best of times but i do see them all!#and i intend to reply to them all <3 #anon #telegram #r/s

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bedknees · 11 months

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top 5 eene episodes?

aaaaand your current top 5 favorite songs!

Thanks for the ask!! This was hard but I did it lol. ❤️

EENE Episodes:

5. Smile for the Ed ; I know it's a contentious episode, but I like some of the insight we gain IRT Eddy and his mom. And even though Eddy gets mistreated hard in this episode, the way it's presented ostensibly takes Eddy's side and really makes you feel for him. He didn't do anything that would warrant how he's treated, illustrating that the kids kind of just suck and almost certainly contribute to how he reacts to them in some of his less glamorous episodes.

4. Dueling Eds ; It's another good Eddy episode and just fun all around. Still gets a laugh out of me when Edd just Dies at the end. Also I adore when Tony's Canadian accent slipped in when Eddy was apologizing lmao.

3. A Fistful of Ed ; Great Edd episode and just well written and fun all around. I think everyone is characterized really good here, and it's one of those nice rare occasions that it's not a downer ending.

2. Dawn of the Eds ; Ed3 friendship at it's best! It's an early episode, but their dynamic here is so fun and IMO at its strongest. It's probably the episode I rewatch the most besides...

1. Big Picture Show ; I KNOW this isn't an episode, but I love the movie so much. I adore the set up, the genre deconstruction, and how it basically constitutes as an Eddy redemption arc of sorts. I love how dark it is, especially in retrospect. I love how it recontextualizes the show as a whole. Just... chef's kiss.

(If you only wanna count episodes and not the movie, number 5 would be May I Have This Ed and the others would shift down uwu).

Songs I like atm:

5. Happier in Hell by Royal & the Serpent. Relatable and makes me feel bad, but in a good way if you know what I mean. Cathartic I guess? "Maybe you're not sad enough" has me in a chokehold.

4. Spit by Poppy. It's better than the original full stop. She is such a good screamer I can't!!!

3. LosT by Bring Me the Horizon. Oli Sykes said he can just do whatever the fuck he wants and make a mid-2000s esque emo song and y'know what? He's so right.

2. Half by PVRIS. I really vibe with this song. Excellent representation of what having depression is like. Another one of those feel bad, cathartic songs I dig.

1. HEAVEN, IOWA BY FALL OUT BOY. PETER WENTZ WTF. Plz read my unhinged review here for an idea of what this song did to me:

#ask #doubledyke

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not-close-to-straight · 2 years

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i just reread fair game and oh my god i love it!!! it’s by far one of my favorite of your fics! when i started it i totally forgot how long it was and what started as an afternoon spent reading turned into a week of reading it every spare minute i had and non stop thinking about this fic haha i love your winterhawk, just the chaos and comfort and communication ahhhhhhh it’s amazing!! and tony and steve i have no words for how adorable and overly sweet they are in this verse and i love it!! and the end credit scene w spideypool???? AHHHHHHHHHHH i love them!!!!! are you ever planning to continue this verse with them? this verse is amazing, top tier! <3

THANK YOU! Fair Game is SO MUCH FUN, I literally had SO MUCH FUN writing that verse. The whole idea of a shifter/human verse was one I hadn't worked on before and even though I'd written short stories with Winterhawk, this my first full length.

And seriously? One of my favorites. Absolute disaster!Winterhawk with the background of increasingly and sort of disgustingly smoochy Stony kept the story so damn fun. I always write Bucky as hugely brooding and extremely dangerous and more often than not he has fangs in my fics so writing him as a wolf just felt SO PERFECT. And super tall super awkward Clint being faced with the ongoing crisis of being horny for a wolf? CLASSIC.

One of my favorite things about the fic beyond the sort of ridiculous courting was how much Clint cared?? Like I fell in love with his character as I writing him because he cared so much about everything, whether it was his Lucky Dog or the way the pack was being treated or even just him using arrows vs guns when hunting because it felt more respectful.

Also my other favorite thing was absolute science nerd Tony who was UNHINGED about whatever he was saying, whether it was the intricacies of baby ferns or the necessity of bees or how CLEARLY Clint should just read some romance novels to learn how to court a wolf shifter and then the way he was so goddamn calm like "you know, if we put rumlows body over here and transplant some mushrooms to cover him, they'll break his body down quick and then i can use the compost for my garden" and Steve and Bucky are just like "oh that's terrifying, thank you"

And the SPIDEYPOOL.

Originally Wade wasn't going to be much more than a name in the pack, but then of course I got more involved in his story because it's Wade and he's one of my favorite characters ever. And then I fell too in love with this version so I had to bring Peter in as his reward and THAT END CREDIT SCENE where Wade just shifts up and dominates Peter and Peter isn't afraid at all? We love to see it.

I don't have any concrete plans to continue the verse right now, but I've said that about literally everything I write and almost everything has a sequel so....?! Who knows!

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mediocre-daydreams · 2 years

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Hiya! Could I request 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐞 for marauders era?

I'm a indian bisexual female, she/they. I'm fairly extroverted, though some times it may take me a while to warm up to people, however I'm pretty crazy an quite unhinged when you get to know me well. However I do have moments when I just wanna plug my earphones in and not talk to anyone, especially when im stressed and anxious. I love reading, though I don't read as much as I would like to, due to school and stuff. I adore banter, joking around and having deep coversations about literally anything. I love helping people out, and my friends come to me to vent. And on the topic of friends, I adore them and I'm also incredibly loyal. I tend to daydream quite a lot as well. Many people would tend to describe me outspoken about a lot of things, mainly politics and world issues. I love debating and arguing, its my main pastime tbh. I also adore science, mainly biology and chemistry. I'm not that creative, I can sing and I just started learning guitar, after years of convincing my parents. I adore rock and pop music, though I also love classical music. I mainly listen to Maneskin, Taylor Swift, the nbhd, artic monkeys, and chase atlantic. I'm 18, 5'3 and I have tanned skin, shoulder length black hair. Clothing wise, my aesthetic is a mix of downtown girl, rockstar gf and dark feminine. I'm an aries and a mix gryffindor and slytherin.

Sorry if its a lot, irdk how much to write, since its my first time doing something like this. Ahhh ilysm and you're writing is heavenset btw.

hey! super cool to see a fellow asian on here <33 i feel like we have so much in common we should be besties (wanna be an emoji anon??) also- i'm headcannoning james here as reiky de valk

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

i was so torn between james and sirius that i'm gonna slap the three of you into a sadistic, slightly angsty love triangle.

you and desi! james are fast friends. all those traits he loves in sirius? he finds them in you. you’re outspoken, loyal, and a little stubborn. james is admittedly a very sheltered kid. he grew up as an old money pureblood family in a mcmansion-esque house in godric’s hollow, so there was nothing, in particular, drawing him to politics. meeting you was like jumping off a diving board into the middle of the black lake when he’d been wading in shallow waters his entire life. there was so much more to the world than quidditch, house pride, and mischievous escapades.

you never treated him lesser than for not growing up politically fluent or sheltered. it wasn’t like he wanted to be sheltered. his entire life, people reduced him to his looks and his status and the model of his broomstick. as much as he loved his friends, nobody took him as seriously as you did. he was the one taking care of remus and sirius and peter, but you were there to listen to all his thoughts and stay up at night philosophizing about war and the future and the dangers of blood purity that young people shouldn’t really have to be worrying about.

you and EA! sirius are drawn to each other like magnets. you’re similar, more than just the way you dress and the sort of music you listen to. music is super important to sirius; he listens to his favorite records when he’s back at grimmauld place to block out the sound of his family, and listening to rock instead of snooty classical a form of rebellious self expression for him. he loves when you share your songs with him. being a pureblood, it’s hard for him to get his hands on muggle music, so exploring new genres and having quiet jam sessions with you is one of the only times he feels normal.

there aren’t many people who sirius feels can understand him. you’re culturally competent and opinionated, and you never invalidate his anger and intense feelings toward his parents and their beliefs. you’ve never once told him to calm down or that he was overreacting. in fact, you showed him ways to channel his anger more productively.

you, james, and sirius are an inseparable trio, but that’s the formula for the most heartbreaking type of love triangle. all three of you are acutely aware of the dynamic, though none of you are eager to address it. the three of you value each other as friends too much to lose each other to a relationship that may or may not be guaranteed. war looms close and stakes are high.

#1k followers celebration #sirius black #james potter #desi james potter

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semisolidmind · 3 years

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I’m a menace to society for this but I’m just very curious 🌚

Let’s say DJ and Y/N have a kid together. They’re married and living together, their relationship is amazing, and their child is an adorable mixture of them; the whole nine yards of paradise so far.

BUT!

Peter being Peter still refuses to get over the fact that Y/N isn’t his and has a child with someone who doesn’t deserve them (the audacity, huh? 😐). Man’s is even crazier and more unhinged than ever, so he of course, kidnaps DJ and Y/N’s child acting as a friend of their parents to lure out Y/N and kidnap them as well when they search around for their child that they were going to pick up from school while DJ’s at work. Peter has them now and wants to force them to be a “real family” with him and “untaint” Y/N from DJ’s influence. How would DJ react to not only having his sunshine being taken away by the lunatic golfball but also his lil bub when he learns the news?

Did I watch Taken and get inspiration from it for this idea? Yes, Yes I did🗿

wow.

( 'lil bub' is the cutest name for their baby :))

in short, DJ goes john wicke on peters' ass

(warning for mentions of a hostage situation. peter is his own warning.)

DJ quietly ambushes Peters house (cause of course he's kept tabs on the creepy bastard over the years, knowing he might try something like this), mapping it out from the outside, figuring out where his spouse and baby are being held...if they're safe, if that monster hurt them.

if this is day 3 game Peter, i shudder to think what conditions the bastard is keeping them in. perhaps not the kid, no, he's not that cruel...

but y/n? i can see Peter tying them to his bed, gagging them, stripping them down to expose them to the cold mountain air with only his thin sheets over their body.

he keeps their child from seeing them. he'd probably try to play house with the poor kid, just watching cartoons with them while their "mama" struggles and sobs in another room.

....

Peter would probably tell the kid something along the lines of, "You know, I was supposed to be your dad. Your mama? They were mine first."

needless to say, the kid is scared of this guy and just wants their real parents back. but they know, somehow, that it wouldn't be a good idea to make this guy mad. so they stay quiet, watch their cartoons...until the skinny guy says to stay put while he checks on their mama. they watch as he dissappears down the hall, until they hear a door unlatch and creak open, and then the sound of him walking downstairs.

the kid hears a tap at the window. looking over, they see the exact person they were hoping for. the kid rushes to the window, climbing on a nearby chair to reach the latch. after helping slide the aging wood up, their dad hushes them when they call for him, gathering them up in his arms and immediately turning away from the window.

DJ walks quickly but quietly back to the truck waiting at the bottom of the hill, idling and warm, out of sight of the little farmhouse. he sits his lil bub into the truck, tucking them into a pile of blankets to keep the cold away, and tells them to stay there with tiger (laying on the floor of the truck by the kids feet) until he comes back with their mama. "Won't be long, kiddo. Just sit tight, ok?"

then, DJ storms back up to the house, murder alight in his eyes.

Peter, having come back up the stairs after an unsuccessful attempt at "talking" to his darling, walks back into the living room to find the kid gone. first, he checks the kitchen, thinking maybe they were just hungry. then the bathroom, which is open and empty. the laundry room, both closets, under the bed of their makeshift room, all empty... Peter begins to feel his hackles rise. there's not many other places for this kid to hide, and they couldn't have gotten out on their own.

Peter goes to the knife drawer, pulls out the biggest carving knife he has...he walks silently around the house, checking. he isn't sure, but...a beat of silence passes.

he yells in pain when the first bullet hits him in the leg. he falls, swinging his knife in a wide arc behind him as his back hits the ground. cold, heavy steel whacks him across the face, knocking out a tooth as his head connects with the wood floor. peter is held down by a heavy force around his head and he is quickly disarmed, his knife clattering across the floor, his arms held at an uncomfortable angle behind his back. a knee presses hard into his spine, digging in painfully...he struggles with all his strength, but it isn't enough to move the one holding him down.

"I was ready to let bygones be bygones, golfball," a deep, snarling voice hisses in his ear. "But you just couldn't leave us the fuck alone, could you?"

DJ.

"Like hell!! Y/N is mine, you hear me?! Mine! You took them from me, stole my one chance at happiness!" Peter screams, thrashing in his position on the floor. "I'll never let them go, they're mine-!!"

Peter doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence before his brains are spattered against the hardwood.

DJ stands up straight, raises his gun. He puts three more bullets into Peter's skull before he's sure that the bastard is dead.

he doesn't waste another second on the corpse. there's only one place his sunshine could be and he nearly trips on the way down the basement stairs in his haste. when he sees their shivering form on the massive bed, wrists and ankles red and bleeding, he runs to them. he holds their body to his own, cutting the ropes and freeing them. quickly, he yanks off his red hoodie and gently helps them put it on, both to cover them and keep them warm. they sob and cry, clinging to him, saying his name over and over...

"It's alright sunshine, it's alright, I got you," he hushes them, assures them that their baby is safe too. "We're goin' home now, y/n."

he carries y/n down to his truck, sets them by their child, hugs them both tight.

he climbs into the drivers seat, and DJ and his little family drive off into the night, leaving the little mountain house and it's ghosts in the dust.

#DJ #this got loooooong

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trensu · 3 years

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Jon's Creeping Terror Fun Fact Corner!

You know how Cecil has his Fun Fact Science Corner segment on his radio show? Well, Jon has his own show produced by The Magnus Studio. It's an educational kids show all about the Entities of Fear!! It's a very specific kind of kids show. You know the ones. Those kids shows that children are absolutely mad for but any adult in their vicinity is left deeply unsettled by them? Yep. On the surface, the show seems fine but if any adult dwells on the content for more than five minutes, they are left feeling very very unnerved, especially since the host, one Jonathan Sims, seems more than a little unhinged half the time.

The show is so popular it gets almost 15 whole episodes! (It gets cancelled at 14 bc at that point it had received far too many retrospective complaints from parents to continue any further). Sometimes, the episodes even have special guests!! Although it got cancelled, you can obviously still find it on the internet if you know where to look. There's even compilations of all the show's best Unhinged moments.

The Vast Episode

Jon: Today's episode is about the Vast! And to tell us more about it we have Simon Fairchild visiting us. Kids, if you ever see this man in person, please run very far in the opposite direction.

Simon: Thank you for that warm introduction, Jon. Now children, who here likes ROLLER COASTERS?

Jon: And that's it for our special guest [proceeds to literally kick an old man until he's off screen] Do not trust this man and please be careful when going on roller coasters in the future.

The Lonely Episode

Jon, reading from the teleprompter: We have an expert of the Lonely with us, Mr. Peter Lu--what? No!! Why's he here? Get him off my set! What do you mean no? I don't care how much funding he gives the studio!! He tried to take Martin away!

[scene cuts off and starts back up with Martin sitting next to Jon, looking particularly sweet and cuddly in a knitted jumper]

Jon: Here we have m-my Martin, I-I mean my ASSISTANT Martin Blackwood. Say hi to Mr. Blackwood, children.

[Jon is a twitchy mess and cannot even look at Martin's direction. Martin looks flushed]

Martin: Er, yes, h-hello.

Jon: Martin has experience [this is hissed with all the venom he can muster] with the Lonely. He's going to teach us the best way to avoid that evil, conniving bast--

Martin, hastily cuts in: Yes, well! Kids, who do you have in your life that you love? It can be anyone! Your siblings, your pets, your friends! Anyone at all!

[at the edge of the set, just barely visible, Peter can be seen crammed into a cage gleefully guarded by Daisy]

(it's during this episode Jon finds out that he's not allowed to use naughty words on the show. All the stuff with the murder and the skinning and the worms and such is fine! Just no cussing. Jon is befuddled and aghast. This is why Hopworth was not allowed as a guest; he's a very swear-y man)

The Corruption Episode

[Jon is seen clutching a jar of ashes throughout the entire episode with absolutely no explanation as to what it is or why it's there]

Jon, gesturing manically: and that's why it's important to see a doctor when you're sick and have an exterminator on speed dial.

[Martin comes onto the scene with a worried look on his face. The screen goes to black for a moment, then reappears with Jon still clutching his jar but looking significantly calmer. He smiles at the camera and it almost looks normal]

Jon: To finish the episode, can you demonstrate the proper handwashing technique we taught you at the start? Be sure to tell your parents what you've learned about infection control and have them show you where the CO2 is kept in your home!

The Hunt Episode

Jon, earnestly happy: This is my best friend Daisy! She's going to help us learn about the Hunt. She's one of the bravest people I know.

[Daisy turns away to hide a shy smile before clearing her throat and starting in on a rehearsed lecture. The episode ends with her and Jon making the children repeat the "don't listen to the blood, listen to the quiet" mantra and also "all cops are bastards."]

(Basira, in post production: ...yeah, that's fair.)

The Flesh Episode

Parents are horrified when they hear their children singing "you are what you eat, meat is meat!" whenever they play after that episode airs.

(Martin: Just to be clear, we're encouraging cannibalism??

Jon: no! ...maybe? i don't know, Martin, they told me it tested well with the focus group children

Martin: yes, okay, but WHY did you come up with that jingle?

Jon: Don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy, Martin! I wouldn't just eat a person. But, well, if someone asked me to eat them like, after they died, I wouldn't necessarily say no...?

This conversation was recorded and leaked somehow. And that's how Actual Cannibal Jon Sims became a trending meme. He has to do a PR statement confirming that he "has never knowingly eaten a person" and that that was "a completely hypothetical discussion." This convinces as many people as you think it would.)

The Stranger Episode

Nikola: I don't much like children. Not enough skin on them to do anything really fun.

Jon: Why are you--how did you even get in?? S-Security! Someone come get her out of--

Nikola: oh, but I have information for the little ones! [she pulls out a basket of high-end skincare products and looks directly into the camera with her featureless face] These are the lotions that are best for Archivist flesh but I'm sure they work for the kiddies as well! You all want to grow up to have lots of beautiful skin don't you? Here, let me show you how to use them! [attempt to lotion Jon]

Jon: [flinches away] Security! O-or Daisy. DAISY!

[growling is heard and we get a flash of a wolfish Daisy body-slamming Nikola to the ground. The rest of the episode has Tim shoving Jon off screen and going on a rant about circuses and how to best explode them. This becomes one of their most popular episode amongst the children]

Breekon and Hope show up occasionally in the background of various episodes and become something like an Easter egg for fans of the show.

Anyway, I love the idea of kids adoring socially awkward, neurotic mess of a man Jonathan Sims. Jon is completely confounded by his popularity but also, he's glad of it bc that means the children will be more prepared if they ever encounter any of the Entities (most parents think it's all fiction, except for the ones who've had Encounters with one of the entities; Jon ends up with a sort of underground cult following comprised of survivors of fear encounters)

I blame @lemonisinplay (and Jonny Sims) for the entirety of this post, tbh. She came up with the name and half the stuff here XD

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #daisy tonner #basira hussain #tim stoker #peter lukas #simon fairchild #nikola orsinov #jonmartin #trensu tells stories #jon's creeping terror fun fact corner

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scribbly-dee · 3 years

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Inspired by this post

I adore corruption arcs, so I graded how well the non-archivist characters would have damned humanity if they had been the archivist.

Sasha James 11/10, would be an ideal archivist, this plus her height is probably why the stranger monster targeted her before she could peak

I have a soft spot for any au that knows Sasha has never seen a brain cell in her life and that any unhinged!Sasha au is really just a regular Sasha au. Picture it with me. Sasha and Jon have parallel archivist tracks, until Sasha (my beloved show off) decides: you know what would make me more efficient at snooping? Becoming a Human Google. And things accelerate. The Web doesn't even need to bother with subtly magic lighters, it slaps all 14 marks on her at once by pulling up next to Sasha in a windowless van with "free secrets 👍" written on the side.

After the Unknowing, Sasha takes over the institute from Elias instead of Martin and Peter. With Tim dead, Jon in a coma, Martin lonely-snatched, Melanie compulsively homicidal, Daisy in the coffin, and Basira on autopilot, she quickly bonds with Rosie, the ultimate nosiness enabler. Sasha is a fully marked archivist for a good long while, but doesn't start the apocalypse right away because she's eager to read ALL the ominous notes Elias left, so the watcher's crown statement is in her to-be-read pile. When the apocalypse starts (Rosie: "Hey, Sasha, I just read something extra fucked up that Elias wrote, wanna see?" Sasha: "God yes."), she books it to become the pupil with Rosie as her anchor. Mayhapse an anchor-archivist polycule with Archivist Jon and Martin? Mayhapse Jon is just a normal eye avatar here and deeply invested in all of Sasha's eyepocalypse statements, so it's Sasha and her plus-three? Mayhapse it's a race across the eyepocalypse wasteland between Archivist Sasha and Archivist Jon to usurp Jonah and become the pupil?

Tim Stoker 2/10 dude's here for a good time, not a long time

The only way I see this working is if Elias disguises not-stranger clues as circus related so Tim is motivated to investigate. Otherwise, his archival assistants are way more curious than him and disobey his direct orders to 🍹chill🏝. Jon, Sasha, and Martin inadvertently bring marks home to him like cats bring home dead birds. He asserts his agency when he decides the best course of action? Actually? Just blow up the archives. This unfortunately puts him in a false sense of security, and Elias makes him read the watcher's crown statement by cat fishing him on grindr and sending the ritual as a dm mid conversation.

Daisy Tonner - 9/10 archivist, would have started doomsday before she was at the archivist job long enough to use her PTO

Daisy already had a lot of experience hunting down fear-entity-related people in sectioned cases, which means she possibly canonically already has all the marks from just hunting avatars who use their powers in self defense. The reason she lost one point is because she's too much of a jock to read, only nerds are culpable to watcher crown statements, so this would be the only delay but oh what a delay it will be.

Melanie King - 7/10 archivist, points awarded for achieving her breakthroughs by smashing her head against a wall until she literally breaks through, points deducted for doing so in full clown makeup.

If Jon got a handful of marks by just asking anoying questions in the same room as an avatar, imagine how much faster Melanie would get marks by bringing her trademark Chaotic Brat personality on fear entity investigations. The apocalypse would have started in like two seasons: one season to hire her off the streets and establish shakey, complex relationships with her new assistants (Jon and Sasha put in the time with the institute but were passed over on this promotion for some random YouTuber (plus they're tighter with Tim and Martin, so proletarian solidarity against the boss)).

Then a second season to stab every mark and get stabbed in return. Melanie would blitz through all 14 marks because what precious little impulse control she starts with is slowly replaced with slaughter juice. One fun moral ambiguity to explore could be if Melanie tries to use her new, dangerous Eye/Slaughter powers to revive her reputation and platform in the supernatural community now that she can, ya know, identify supernatural things for the first time ever. Does she acknowledge her entire career up to her hospital episode apparently only investigated fake sightings? A better question to ask is whether Basira, Tim, and Jon ever let her live down how Ghost Hunt UK's professional dignity was contingent on the legitimacy of her sCiEnTiFiC gHoSt eQuIpMeNt in those episodes, so the temperature spikes set to dramatic music were well and truly just temperature spikes and dramatic music. Sasha found a clip of that music playing as Melanie narrates "it's a message... from the other side..." and made it as her text tone.

Also, it would be hilarious if Melanie tried to kill Jonah on sight in the panopticon, once again botched assassination attempt number 1,963,538, and then Jon quietly snuck in to finish the job on his first try just like in canon.

Jon: "What, like it's hard?"

Basira Hussain 3/10 archivist, her eye alignment manifests as office gossip, like a normal person

Basira has the most formidable super power of all: the power to nope tf out of any conversation or plan she wants. She therefore would probably take 10x longer to start the apocalypse than any other archivist because her fatal flaw is refusal to directly engage with a lot of personally difficult things (like the slaughter bullet surgery she organized, Daisy In General, etc). The marks will be slow going if she resists putting her safety on the line or invests time in making good plans (which is smart, but unhelpful for dooming humanity). She would for sure still get marked and end the world because once she's convinced of a plan (aka Elias convinces her of a plan), she's ruthlessly efficient. So I'd stay out of her way that last year or two, she marks the entities right back at them.

Martin Blackwood 2/10 archivist, considering a prerequisite for creepy eye avatar staring is the ability to make eye contact.

S1 Archivist Martin would probably dote too much on the employees under him to be hugely susceptible to Elias' isolation-dependant manipulation. Any progress Martin inadvertently achieves toward the watcher's crown goal would have to be contingent on it helping his loved ones, which is perfect fuel for a "corrupted by good intentions" arc. This would be key because Martin has superb bullshit and manipulation detection, making the marks are tricky but not impossible to orchistrate considering Jon can't stay put in a safe corner for 10 minutes and Martin's mother would refuse to stay with him where she's safe from avatar threats.

Imagine the petty drama when Jon and Sasha learn he got the promotion they wanted because he lied on his CV.

Other than that, Martin would be even worse about pit stops on the apocalypse road trip than Jon because his Kill Bill mode would have no off switch. Does Archivist!Martin and his anchor Jon ever reach the panopticon? Eventually, but not until after they lose points for significantly reducing the apocalypse fear quantity. Would Annabelle survive to deliver her cryptic MaCHiNAtIoNs and achieve the Web's goal? Hard No, additional point reduction for neutralizing the multiverse invasion. Points potentially earned back if Martin's Web connection is strong enough to come up with the multiverse invasion plan on his own, though.

Georgie Barker 4/10, as a fearless coward, all the fear she feeds to the entities would be khaki flavored. They'd get their apocalypse, but they probably wouldn't enjoy the meal.

Similar to Basira, Georgie has the super power to Fuck This Shit I'm Out. She would overall be a subpar humanity damning archivist; a major archivist success factor of Jon's is that he has enough affective empathy to be afraid with every statement giver he reads, so when Jon archives a statement, he unintentionally contributes to the fear soup seasoning. Combined with how Georgie doesn't want anything to do with entity drama, so any corruption specific to the watcher's crown would stagnate. Even her casual exposition conversations would go like

Georgie: "I've connected no dots."

Melanie: "you've connected a lot of dots??"

Georgie: "I've connected shit all dots."

The reason she gets one more point than Basira is because Georgie's fatal flaw is the passive observer quality the Eye tried to stoke in Jon. Her level of engagement oscillates between two extremes, impulsive over commitment and judging from a distance. This would probably lead her to geting involved just long enough for her involvement to become irreversible, at which point she would try to cut that shit out of her life after it's trapped her. She'd linger, barricading herself on the margins of this problem as the marks that are targeted at her slowly tally up until boom. Apocalypse is on and she only half understands what's happening.

Georgie would wander around an apocalypse hellscape confused, but vibes and physical health fully intact. Anchor!Melanie would have quite the emotional journey starting with Georgie on that pedestal Melanie placed her, and ending with a slaughter avatar stabbing the person who convinced her to work on her slaughter inclination.

#the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #jon sims #martin blackwood #basira hussain #daisy tonner #melanie king #Georgie Barker #Tim Stoker #sasha james

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