#our stereotypes about ourselves are very different to yours lol

[lockandkeyhyena]

i know most australians and even non-australians grew up admiring and loving steve irwin and thats really funny to me because my parents (and my dad especially) who by all counts are pretty dang stereotypical aussies fucking hate him and think he was a nob.

#keep in mind i say ‘stereotypically australian’ as an australian #our stereotypes about ourselves are very different to yours lol #yeen rambles

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen! I hope you are doing well.

I need some advice. I am a young butch and I have just started university half a year ago. I made a friend (a bisexual guy) and we’re really open about ourselves and our struggles. There is a huge difference in experiences we’ve had so far. I’ve never been intimate with a girl in any way, I'm aware that my circumstances are different as a lesbian and because I come from a culture that is homophobic but I still feel very connected to.

Two days ago, he invited me and a few other friends over to hang out. He specifically mentioned his good friend who is also a lesbian as well as the opportunity for me to pursue her. I admitted that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t have a similar cultural background as mine. I wonder if I am just limiting myself with this sometimes…

Friday comes and the girl and I get along well—she spends almost the whole evening talking with me, we have similar interests. She even shows me photos of her in tight and kinda revealing clothing and I probably misread that as flirting.

Anyway, she offered to drive me home and I accepted. At that point I had already given up on her picking up any hints that I just straight up asked: “Do you find that as a lesbian you interpret signals wrongly or not at all?”. Which was my way of basically screaming “Do you even realize that I have been flirting with you”. Lol. Her answer did not go in that direction at all. I didn’t get an outright rejection either. After that I even said “Jeez, going home at night sucks. I’d rather just sleep over at a friend’s if it’s already so late” to which she agreed… but still no rejection or offer! Lol I give up.

It all left me feeling weird… I talked to friends about it and they agreed that she probably just wasn’t into me like that. It made me rethink how I interpreted her actions and I can’t shake the feeling that my own actions came across as predatory even though there is enough proof that would dispute this. I feel like I was being impatient and unrealistic but I also think that this wouldn’t have been the way I approach someone I was romantically interested in. I would still very much be interested in lesbian friendships! But now I feel like I blew it.

I am sorry this is delayed longer than I would like it to be.

There is a ton of pressure in our younger years to date and even have sex to somehow fulfil our lives and it is just as prevelant, if not more so, in LGBT culture as in the straight world. We are given signals that we must be curious and interested in sex and that drives many of us to flirt with women, who, if there were more choices, we probably would not look at twice.

When we are given limited dating options, there are just fewer lesbians and bi women than straight women, we get a bit desperate or maybe just impatient. IT is a common thread shared among lesbians of all ages.

IT does sound like she was just not interested in you in any way beyond friendship. She was on purpose, but in a kind way, deflecting your hints so as not to hurt your feelings but also not give false hope. But, like you, she might be unsure how much say and how to interpret things.

It took me years to realize that hints, subtle flirting and trying to read into every word and movement is impossible. The best way is to say "Is it okay if I flirt with you?" Or "I think you are interesting, would you go on a real date with me next weekend?" Being clear about your expectations or what you are experiencing is truly the best course of action.

Being butch does not give us the automatic confidence or instinct to understand what a woman is thinking, even if the stereotype is that we are "in charge".

I would text her and be honest that you had a good time and might have come off a little strong or awkward because it was nice to spend time with another lesbian. Ask if she would like to hang out and clarify if you would like to take her on a date or if you think you should just do something as friends. That clear communication will relieve some her your stress and hers because you will know what is expected. IF you are vague she will be over thinking and analyising every move instead of just enjoying time spent with each other.

#dating #lesbian

[lovesick-level-up]

hey there, how are y'all doing! ^^ sorry this isn't a request ;;; but i've been SO into milgram recently & with the recent release of 'double' and everyone theorizing about mikoto, i was wondering if any of you had any thoughts on how mikoto and john are handled (especially as a system yourselves)? if y'all aren't comfortable sharing i totally understand, sorry for the sudden question ;; but i am genuinely curious to hear your perspectives on the topic, or even just on milgram in general !! yikes this got long lmao. but hope y'all are having a good day/night!

yesssssss, anon. let's fucking go, we are totally fine with recieving asks like this, because Autism. i'm gonna put this under the cut, because it got long lmao. we hope you have a good day/night too, anon, and that you enjoy hearing our thoughts!

though there are definetly some stereotypes and stuff in how mikoto and john are written, we fucking adore them. especially me! how john is portrayed is something i love, mostly because i relate to him a lot. double is fantastic tbh, it reminds me so much of how i can feel handling the system as a whole. persecutors (and gatekeepers) are, at our cores, misguided protectors. and double shows that really well, and how it can feel to be villainised and misunderstood despite us trying to help. i'm also honestly still on the fence on whether or not john has ever actually killed people, or if its more of like. a metaphor? that's probably just wishful thinking though. i also really liked the little phone conversation we got to see mikoto have with their mom. that also reminded us of us a lot too. both the contents of the call, and also the fact it shows they are close with her. we're on good terms with our mom (though mostly out of necessity). i'd also like to see milgram hint more about what trauma they might have experienced to become a system. i know that's kinda bleak, but i think it could be really interesting. we have our own theories of course, as does a lot of the fandom lol. i want to see milgram hint more about what exactly made john be the way he is, and mikoto too. why did they have to be so covert? what drives john to hurt people? its pretty fascinating to think about. and obviously, the whole one alter is good, the other bad thing is a little. well, bad. but its also the case with a lot of systems to have an alter to blame bad stuff on. its not necessarily their fault, or the rest of the systems. but its pretty common. i'd also like to see hints to more alters than just mikoto and john (though obviously two people systems are very valid, that doesn't really fit with them much, it seems like there's two active fronter alters rather than two total).

we aren't super active in the milgram fandom outside of looking at the occassional fanart and reading youtube comments. we probably should interact more with it, but we're also a little scared lmao. we are very rarely in active fandoms while the thing is still going on, so it can be intimidating. if anyone has any suggestions for blogs or twitter accounts to follow that you like, do send them in. we'd appreciate them.

in terms of milgram in general, we fucking love it. cat is a fantastic song and made us fall for kazui. yuno is one of my favourite characters to have ever been made. we also relate a lot to fuuta. and in general, i think its such an interesting subject to make a series like this about. it really makes people think and that's always a good thing. it opens up conversations on morals, how ourselves would deal with certain situations, how our first reactions can be innacurate and damaging, how our actions can be damaging, and how we aren't always so different from the people we see as villains. its well written and so, so good. plus, the songs are catchy and the visuals gorgeous. what more could you want lmao. anyway, yeah. those are our (mostly my) thoughts on milgram lol. its just, really great.

~ moondust 😈🧷🎶

#[non edits] #[questions] #[moondust 😈🧷🎶] #anon ask #anonymous #its 7am we have uni work but our brain is now just Milgram Central so time to listen to all the songs again lmao #maybe we should do some art #i'd love to redo that art we did a bit ago of mikoto #i never liked how it turned out so it might be fun to redraw

[bonkusdonkus]

Something I think about a lot in fantasy worlds with lots of different exotic races,(mostly DnD, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fantasy franchise any near as many races as DnD) is how their cultures would handle jewelry, make up, or just general self-decoration.

Like, we humans have come up with all kinds of ways to pretty ourselves up, tattoos, hair dyes, piercings, rings, etc. But all of that stuff is based on our anatomy, some of it isn’t going to work for some races. And besides, why would other races/cultures use beautification techniques solely pioneered by humans? Surely they have their own based on their own cultures and bodies! Think of the possibilities!

Like, maybe Tieflings put piercings in the fleshy bits of their tails, to glam them up with jewelry! Or maybe they drill little holes in their horns, and string ribbons or small chains through them!

Or what about the Kenku! They’ve got nice shiny beaks and talons, what if they painted little designs on them, kind of like henna? Plus, they’ve got lots of feathers, maybe they could dye them? Or if they were feeling particularly adventurous, they dye their feathers to resemble other birds, like Bluejays, or Peacocks!

Orcs are pretty humanish for the most part, but the big thing that sets them apart, (aside from, ya know, being green,) is their tusks. I feel like the Orcs would be really into decorating their tusks. Maybe they’d put little caps made of precious metal on them, or paint them in Clan colors. Heck, maybe they’d even carve little symbols or runes into them. It would probably hurt like the dickens, but somehow I can’t imagine that stopping them. Lol

Speaking of carving, Tortles! I bet they carve all kinds of stuff into their shells! Or at the very least paint them! They’ve got a big ol’ canvas right on their backs, why not use them?

Tabaxi are covered in fur, making things like tattoos pretty difficult. After all, the point of a tattoo is to pigment your skin, and unless you shave it off, fur kinda makes that tricky. So what if they tattooed their paw pads? It’s basically the only exposed skin they have, except maybe the inside of their ears, which might be a bit too sensitive to tattoo. Also, I like the idea of Tabaxi painting their claws. They’re retractable, so you can’t see them most of the time, but on the occasion that a Tabaxi does decide to relieve someone of their face, at least they’ll be doing it in style!

Ever since the Rabbitfolk/Harengon (their the same thing, don’t worry about it,) were announced I’ve been thinking about bunnies with earrings. I mean, they’ve got so much ear real estate! Why not use it? Also, I imagine that those big flippy flops get in the way when you’re moving a lot, so I bet Rabbitfolk/Harengon use something like a hair tie, or something to their ears from flying around all over the place.

Centaurs! A cross between a horse and human! You know what that means? Caparisons baby! (For the record, Caparisons are those big fancy cloths knights used put on their horses. If you’ve seen a horse wearing something like a dress or a big skirt, that’s a Caparison. At least, according to my limited horse knowledge. Lol) It’s always struck me as a little strange then Centaurs were okay running around naked from the waste down, so this my answer to that. Fancy horse dresses! Also, I like to imagine that Centaur hair grows more like a horse’s mane than human hair, so really long, and tending to fall to one or the other side of their head. So maybe some Centaur cultures are really into braiding?

Minotaur time! Maybe it’s a bit stereotypical to imagine a Minotaur with a nose ring, but honestly it just fits in my brain. Maybe it has some kind of cultural significance, like maybe it acts the same way as a wedding ring, or maybe it denotes rank in their community. Another important bit are those big lovely horns! I can imagine all kinds of decorations on those bad boys! You could go simple, and just slap a few simple rings on there, or could a little more complex and do piercings,(Does it count as a piercing if it’s a horn?) and hang a bunch of dangly stuff on em! You could paint the horns, carve designs in them, heck, you could even drill holes in both horns, and run a chord or chain connecting them! All kinds of possibilities!

Finally, let’s talk lizards, specifically Dragonborn. Honestly, I can’t imagine Dragonborn painting their scales, or even wearing too much flashy jewelry. The impression I get from Dragonborn is that they are immensely proud of their Draconic heritage, and tampering too much with their scales would probably be seen as either disrespectful, or maybe even shameful.(Because why would you want to hide your scales, the single most visible sign of your glorious draconic lineage, unless you were disgusted by them, ashamed of them?) What I CAN see them doing is trying every possible way to show off and enhance their scales. Dragonborn would definitely take meticulous care of their scales, and that includes shining them up to make shine like a dang mirror. They might even use some kind of wax, or something to protect them from damage.

My point is, with all this rigamaroll I just spouted, is self expression should not be not limited to human sensibilities. No matter what they look like, these are people, and people aren’t manufactured on a conveyer belt. Get creative with your characters looks, take things like species, background, and culture into account, have fun with it!

#dnd homebrew #dnd races #dnd #d&d worldbuilding #d&d ideas #kenku #tabaxi #rabbitfolk #harengon #minotaur #centaur #orcs #dnd dragonborn #tiefling

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

What does modern feminism do that you don't agree with? This is genuine btw

A couple things before I start: 

- This is not meant to bash all the feminists out there unless they fit into what I’m saying. I know there are good feminists out there 

- When I say ‘you’ I’m not meaning you, I’m saying it in a general way 

-I hope I get my point across and it’s clear. I sometimes struggle with that 

Also I’m sorry this is so long and it’s in no particular order and I hope none of this comes across as being aggressive or anything

~~ 

A lot of my issues with the movement boils down to attitudes. To me, that is very telling of its true colors. And I do try not to necessarily judge an entire movement from just the bad people because I know that isn’t fair, although I do feel like the bad feminists have taken over the movement and end up drowning out the good voices and that’s why we hear more negativity than positivity. 

One thing that I have issue with the lack of respect towards those that disagree whether it’s with the movement itself or it’s a particular thing. For a movement that preaches about a woman’s choice, I don’t feel that really happens like it should. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong here but depending on what the topic is I get a general impression like you’re not really supposed to disagree with what’s being side. You do and you might have someone lash out at you (that’s another point I have). Or if you say you’re anti feminist, you have people coming up with these reasons why they think you are; one being internalized misogyny  and you get called a pick-me which I find a bit insulting.  I should be able to have an opinion without someone assuming I’m trying to get a man’s attention or I can’t think for myself or I hate other girls. That isn’t it! Wouldn’t you think that is misogynistic? 

And if it’s not  internalized misogyny, then there are other factors; her being white (which usually then goes on to sound racist)  or it’s because she has money or  internalized racism or whatever they come up with. And it sounds condescending and that just bugs me. Hey, maybe instead of some underlying reason, we just don’t agree. 

or you have people try to stick the label on anyway. 

‘If you believe in equality you’re a feminist’

The label means nothing. I don’t understand why some will focus on this so much. I don’t want to be called a feminist. I don’t need to. In the same way, it’s not necessary for me to refer to myself as an MRA (men’s rights activist). And yeah, I know this says it’s an “MRA blog” that’s what I had when I started. But ultimately, the label isn’t important. I’m all for equality. It’s cool, it’s great. But I see this sort of thing (online that is) being forced on people and the thing is, with that wording it makes it sound like the movement is all inclusive when it’s not. You have to have certain politics and for the most part (unless you’re a religious feminist) you have to be pro choice otherwise you’re not a ‘real’ feminist. 

My next issue is all the aggression. You can just tell sometimes with how people respond online or if you catch a video that someone posted. And not only that, but how quickly people fall into name-calling or just all around acting like a child. And for the most it seems pretty acceptable to some because it keeps happening. It’s not hard to find on this site or otherwise. If you can’t communicate your opinions about something without having a fit or blocking someone (excluding if they just keep harassing you) then you’re not mature enough. That shows me you don’t really care about having a real discussion. And some can say that it happening on here is probably done by teenagers and to an extent they’re probably right. But it happens on other sites and in real life as well and it’s more than just teens. It’s people my age and older and that’s not cool. 

And then we have  how some like to ignore the differences between men and women. Sure, yes, there are many things a woman can do just like a man but we also have to acknowledge our differences.  I don’t see a lot of that with some forms of feminism. STEM, for example, is something I would attribute the differences more to just how men and women tend to be rather than sexism. Could there be certain circumstances where it is sexism? Sure, I suppose you can’t rule it out entirely. Otherwise I would say it’s just what they’re happy doing. I know girls who are doing science stuff or business things but I also know girls who are going to be teachers or psychologists or nurses. It’s not that they're actively being told by everyone that they can’t do it(I suppose unless they live in some other country like that). That’s just what they want to do, you know, their choice. Just like how some men go towards a job like with computers or farming or they’re pre-school teachers or gynecologists.

 I found an interesting fact (source will be posted below) that said women are actually preferred over men two-to-one for faculty positions. The study was done by psychologists from Cornell University with professors from 371 colleges/universities in the US. It also noted that: “recent national census-type studies showing that female Ph.D.s are disproportionately less likely to apply for tenure-track positions, yet when they do they are more likely to be hired, in some science fields approaching the two-to-one ratio revealed by Williams and Ceci.” 

Yet, we need to ask ourselves honestly, how often do facts like these get passed around vs the idea that women are suffering from misogyny and therefore are unable to fully represent in STEM jobs? 

The next thing I want to address is misandry. Now there are a good portion of people who don't think it exists or if it does, it's really not much of an issue because of the "power" and the "privilege" men have within society. And to me, I have a problem with that. If feminism is supposed to be for men as well, I would think they would want to combat misandry as well as misogyny. If someone really doesn't think it exists, I would suggest that the person really take a look at what goes on in real life and online that's directed towards men.

There's the whole "male tears" thing which is on coffee mugs and t-shirts. There's the kill all men/yes all men thing. All of which are supposed to be jokes and if a man says something about it he gets mocked for his "fragile masculinity"

That's just not okay. They're being immature and a bully which they usually try to justify (men have done this and that throughout history to women) but you just can't.

I found this article, this really really atrocious article. It's one of those open letter things and found on this feminist website (feminisminindia) and I almost believed it to be satire with how.... stereotypically Tumblr it was. I did research and looked at the info regarding the site and nope, it's a serious site. I'll post the article below but I'll also summarize it:

Basically this woman is telling the men in her life that she will not stop saying "men are trash or other radical feminist opinions." She's saying it because women and others have suffered so much at the hands of the patriarchy because they're not straight white men. She goes on to say:

So let’s establish: misandry isn’t real. Just like unicorns and heterophobia, misandry is a myth because it isn’t systematic or systemic. Unlike misogyny, cis men don’t face oppression purely based on their gender. While they may encounter instances of racism, homophobia and ableism, they are not dehumanised as a function of their gender identity (read: cis privilege).

That is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Misandry is real. "Cis" people do face oppression purely based on their gender. Anyone can. To deny that lacks understanding.

And the rest is just saying that: It is time to start hating on men-as-a-whole and starting celebrating the men that you are.

And: Because at the end of the day, feminists need men. Whether it’s because you wield structural power or because we genuinely value your existence, we need to band together to destroy ‘men’ because men are trash, but you, if you made it to the end of this, are probably not. Prove me right.

I would imagine this is a common viewpoint. And it's not a good one. If you genuinely think a whole group as a whole is bad you need to reexamine your thoughts. It's not "men" that are bad, it's the sexist people.

To wrap this up (I'm sure you might be tired of reading this lol); like I said, the attitudes play a huge part of it. Modern feminism, in my opinion, is just not good enough for me to say I agree with it and want to identify as one. I just can't

Here is the link to the feminist article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/%3famp

And here is the link for the STEM thing: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2015/04/women-preferred-21-over-men-stem-faculty-positions

#mens rights #answered asks #i might have overdid this a bit....

[wedreamedlove]

MLQC Men Headcanon Notes

Now that I’ve spent more time with these men (it’s getting close to 2 years!) I wanted to share the general thoughts, themes, motifs, etc. that I keep in mind when I’m writing their character.

This is 1000% headcanon territory, so feel free to take what’s useful and ignore what’s not LOL but I’d also love to see people add in their own “character reference cheat sheet” to this!

(I’m especially curious because, due to being of Asian diaspora, I write best in English but my understanding of the characters come from CN/JP text). Incidentally, if anyone feels ANY of this when reading my fics, then that’s all I could ever ask for LOL.

LI ZEYAN

He is Capricorn² and, while the game doesn’t make explicit mentions to this, I associate the element earth with him because of this. He’s described with attributes like being steady, calm, and always in control. He is the epitome of an immovable boulder and things revolve around him, not the other way around. I like to draw on imagery of unbending steel and/or the stable ground.

Meanwhile, like the goat of his astrological sign, every step he takes to climb to his goal is assured. He doesn’t do anything spontaneous or without thought, so if he does lose control and act without thinking then it has to be a momentuous occasion. Basically, it’s really important to me that if I write a loss of control, then it’s likely to be the centerpiece.

Keeping in mind that his Evol is time control, I also like to try and subtly weave an atmosphere of how everything happens at his pace. Winter being his season only adds onto this because the world stills when it’s covered in snow; everything becomes muted, hushed, and slowed in this season.

The chemistry in his romance arc is how his pace and control gets disturbed, but he adapts quickly and learns to go along with these moments of whimsy. Or more like that’s his character development and how love changes him.

His canon (spirit) animal is the cat and lion. Felines go along very well with the emperor or noble archetypes he has in all his AU cards, because cats are stereotyped as being independent and haughty animals. He’s not big on PDA or excessive skinship, but he’s not disagreeable to them either. Too much stimulation and, like a cat, he’ll probably show exasperation. Ignore him for too long though and he’ll come to share his presence with you.

For me, his love is shown through quiet acts of service that don’t have any attention drawn to them. Him just being in the same room or giving his attention is how he emotes his love.

He’s quite low-key in his normal life so he doesn’t seem like someone who gets confused over commoner things, but there are also moments where he spends an enormous amount of money without blinking. If life can be made easier with money then why not, right?

Keywords: Calm. Steady. Earth. Immovable. Control. Exasperated Affection. Time. Cats. Literal Capricorn. Winter. Mature.

ZHOU QILUO

First thing that comes to mind is the sun and heat. Fire is his element and so I go for stereotypical imagery like flares of passion and burning bright. He switches expressions and moods at the drop of a hat and he’s a mood maker to the extreme, but there’s no hiding the way he shines with his love for his love.

However, because he’s also Helios, it’s really important for me to play around with dualities and explore the other side of this positive imagery. So, just like how the sun can bring warmth and life, it’s also a deadly laser something that can hurt people by blinding them or setting fires. It’s also fun to remember that the moon only has light from the sun’s reflection.

Game-wise, I believe Helios has been described with cold and ice imagery but, because I try to keep that imagery for Li Zeyan, what I like to consider instead is that extremely cold things can “burn” you too. Frostbite can also be called ice burn.

The sky is repeated imagery for Luoluo too, because of his eyes, but I’ll admit I’m still uncertain about how to interpret this for his character. Generally, the sky represents freedom but...? How I approach this is that the sky doesn’t discriminate and protects everyone below it (echoing his quote about how he protects the light in the dark).

On this note about the sky being welcoming, I view Luoluo’s love as one that accepts his love no matter what they’re like and he grows together with them (unlike the two adults, Li Zeyan and Xu Mo).

However, again, it’s super important to remember his duality and just because he’s a playful mood maker doesn’t mean he’s not able to switch into a serious and mature mode. He keeps his innocence and warm heart despite the darkness he’s seen and understands.

His canon animal is the bear which also makes me tilt my head. I can only see this as how bears are seen as both cuddly and cute, but also fierce and protective. He was also given a stag but... no one uses that LOL.

Keywords: Fire. Passion. Playful. Innocent. Little Sun! But Moon. Spring. Sacrifice. Darkness. Sky. Mischievous. Mood Maker.

BAI QI

Every single cell in his body is attuned to his love. You ever lose your phone and then, for the rest of the day, you feel as if you’re missing an important piece of yourself and you have intrusive thoughts wondering where it is? That’s him. You ever see something so cute you experience cute aggression and don’t know what to do with yourself? That’s him. You know those dogs that strain at their leashes on the streets because they want to go and greet you? That’s him.

It’s all about the yearning.

I know, I know, I wrote essays about how he can survive without his love and how he’s someone who carries both love and a greater justice BUT let’s not kid ourselves that he doesn’t revolve around his love like Jupiter around the sun.

Anyway, so the game shoves wind descriptions down our throats. It’s literally another vehicle for him to emote his love and, to be honest, I don’t do much with it other than use it for that. I talked about it extensively in my character essays, but I suppose I play with the irony of how he’s only free because he has a home can return to. [Loneliness SR Wind and Care Call] “Because I have a place for my heart, I can fly anywhere.”

I don’t believe the game emphasizes this any more than it does with the other men, but I try to always have a point of contact between Bai Qi and his love because, again, the yearning and vibrating with All That Love. He’s such a physical character (military archetype) that I also want to emphasize that in writing.

In addition, I’m all about him being the most feral of the men. Heck, his canon animal is the wolf which is great for both its stereotypical and non-stereotypical meanings, such as being a lone wolf and ferocious animal but also a pack animal that can’t survive on its own and needs a pack. Meanwhile, NW717 is described in-game as a monster.

Look, one of his signature descriptions in the game is resting his chin on or against his love’s head and nuzzling them. I’m not baselessly trying to push my kink I swear.

So, like how Bai Qi said in [Light Bath SSR: Tenderness Call] that maybe he only shows his gentleness towards select people (his love and mother), he’ll give the person he loves all the warmth of his being but, oh boy, I see him as being a beast who will remember his true nature upon being chained; the “chain” of love gives him the reassurance he needs to be truly free... in all its meanings.

Keywords: Ginkgo. Summer. Primal. Wind. Love is love is love. 3-Point Contact. Wolf. Yearning. Vitality. Justice. Freedom. Physical. Restraint.

XU MO

First, given how vocal I am about Elex’s changes, this is probably going to be the most drastically different section out of everyone vs. their English version.

Soft. Light. Gentle. Kind. Gossamery. Feathery. Ethereal. Faint. Whenever I write him, do I literally open up a thesaurus to find synonyms for gentle, light, and soft? Yup! LOL.

Fun fact, in CN and JP the word for “smile” and “laugh” is the same character and so sometimes there is ambiguity when translating if there’s no clear markers. The writers definitely had a word in mind when they wrote the scene, but unfortunately we don’t have the ability to check with them at every use and so sometimes it does come to subjective interpretation.

For me, Xu Mo is characterized by a lot of quietness. Game-wise, there are enormous usages of silence and descriptions of emotional fluctuations in his eyes so Significant Silences and Looks are a major thing with him and in my writing for him, which is why I always choose “smile” over “laugh” if there is any ambiguity in the line (I believe Elex leans towards chuckles).

On a similar note, the game also gives him a gigantic serving of descriptions that only ever use the word for “light, slight, faint, soft, gentle” in JP and CN. It gives him a very floaty and dreamy feeling, even if he’s doing something physical. So, it’s important for me to keep a similar atmosphere when writing and make everything feel as if it has to be shared in a whisper.

A bonus here is that it doesn’t require much to turn this ethereal feeling into a melancholic one, so you get that dash of angst that layers over everything. Leave a few things unknown here and there, incomplete actions, eyes that get averted and Boom. Angst.

Shifting gears, but if my imagery of Bai Qi’s love is like a tense, vibrating, and restrained chain of yearning then Xu Mo’s love is like a flood barely being held back by a dam. Knowledge of the quantity and weight behind the dam is terrifying, but it’s safe to be submerged inside it. Much like Luoluo and Helios, Xu Mo also has a dangerous duality in Ares and so I also like to play with this imagery.

So, on this point, I like to preserve an underlying sense of darkness (all-consuming possessiveness, etc.) and envision that he also wishes to stain his love in his colors, like a drop of ink on white paper and how it seeps into every fiber of the paper until the whole thing is saturated with him.

Incidentally, I’m reminded that—whenever possible and natural—I want to exclusively use water imagery with Xu Mo. The game supports this too! He is described with extensive water imagery and so I try to use water metaphors, analogies, and similes.

I try to make sure every sense is present, but I feel like the game emphasizes (especially with the red thread of fate imagery) that Xu Mo and his love are connected at a soul-deep level and so I always keep in mind a mental, emotional, and spiritual aspect.

Lastly, his canon animal is the fox (we ignore the black goat LOL) so contrasting his elegant, scholarly, and gentleman’s air with a black belly, teasing, and mischievous air is also important! Sexual but with, you know, class.

Keywords: Butterflies. Monochrome. Artist. Red Thread. Autumn. Melancholy. Water. Soft. Gentle. Light. Faint. Dreams. Spiritual. Fox.

LING XIAO

I’m getting more comfortable with him, but he’s still shrouded in so much mystery. If every one of the other men treat their loves with gentleness though Ling Xiao is definitely one who isn’t afraid of roughhousing. He’ll act first and then ask for forgiveness afterward, if needed.

But I like to keep in mind that, for all his roughness, he’s still a good kid at heart and when he saw MC’s skirt rising up when he tried to pull her over the fence he immediately stopped. So, a bit of a bully but without any humiliation.

Intelligent, strong, and dangerous but hiding all of that beneath a devil-may-care attitude and someone who does things on a whim. I don’t know what to do much with his canon animal being the shark except to attach it vaguely to this point and think that, as an apex predator of the sea, it does things at its own pace (somehow, it gives me the image that he likes to bite... but, uh, that’s probably just me LOL).

Keywords: Mercurial. Lightning. Sarcasm. Physical.

#love and producer #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc kiro #mlqc bai qi #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc xu mo #mlqc zhou qiluo #love and produc(ing) meta

[strawberry1212]

Kdrama Sexist/Toxic Male Lead Tropes

(originally made this post as part of another post about Run On but it got to be so long I just thought I’d made this list it’s own post)

-Possessive and easily jealous, and this is often played off as romantic. For a large portion of kdrama watchers who are younger, and for the majority of us who aren’t chased all the time by hot men, this toxic trait can easily be sold to us as an exciting and flattering trait. But this is in fact not respectful of the female lead’s autonomy. I enjoy the little humorous jealousy moments, (I am reminded of Crash Landing on You) but too often this leads to the classic “two male leads each grab the innocently wide eyed female lead and glare at each other” trope. Women are not ropes to play tug of war with! If jealousy over the instances like the girl simply having a conversation with another guy rupture into real problems in the relationship it is not romantic, but possessiveness is often mistakenly portrayed as an expression of love, when really possessiveness is just that: possessiveness over an object.

-Uses violence to solve problems. This is another thing that can be easily seen as flattering--someone is willing to go to great lengths to protect you/defend your honor/whatever the reason is for the male lead to use violence. This trope was deconstructed in the American movie 500 Days of Summer, where the male lead punches a guy “to defend the honor” of the female lead, but she when she is upset and embarrassed at the situation, he gets angry at her for not being excited over his violent sacrifice.

-The typical “tsundere” narrative of abusive language, but paired with romantic gestures, usually the Grand Romantic Gesture trope. I see this all the time, where the guy berates the girl, sometimes to point of just full on bullying, but then he throws his jacket at her when she’s cold, holds the umbrella over her while he gets wet, etc., In other words he may be verbally abusive but it doesn’t matter because he Truly Loves her. And that she should accept that and understand that about him and not expect him to be polite and respectful.

-He treats everyone but the female lead like trash. Well...he often treats the female lead like trash at first too, but this quality is also marketed as flattering. He treats everyone badly but you’re different! In reality this is super toxic. In fact, it is essential that a person treats *everyone* with decency if they are to meet the baseline requirements of being a person capable of giving and receiving love in a healthy relationship.

-He chases her one sidedly. Oftentimes he chases her even when she rejects him, which shows that dominating, male persistence is a behavior to be rewarded. Again, this is a fantasy easily marketable when many of us aren’t chased around by hot men. It is flattering for a person to be so interested in us that they are incredibly persistent, but this fantasy had very unhealthy, and even harmful real life connotations. There is a very important line between friendliness/respectful attention/flirting, and creepy and domineering. I think it is also equally important to note that in this toxic trope, it is important to teach both men and women that no means no and yes means yes. Not that you can’t have playful/teasing banter, but playing hard to get when you really want to be gotten, is an unhealthy coping mechanism for cowardice in relationships.

I think for this one as with other tropes on this list, it appeals to our childish, insecure, and relationship-immature side of ourselves that would rather have everything fall into place than be honest, vulnerable, and have agency in our romantic interactions. What I mean is, the fantasy of a hot male lead persistently pursuing us after a destiny meet cute is a fantasy where we don’t ever have to put ourselves out there. Where don’t have to consciously try to meet new people, express interest in others, set boundaries, i.e. do the hard work of negotiating our place within other people’s lives.

The hallmark of a bad drama for me is when the give and take between the male and female lead is: the female lead has to put up with the meanness and constant mistakes of the male lead as he hurts her (usually in tangent with the Noble Idiocy trope, where he breaks up with her and steps all over her “for her own good” for some bs reason), but in return she gets the Grand Romantic Gesture, and the male lead does most of the chasing. In a healthy relationship, there aren’t constant hurtful arguments, and both do an equal share of the “chasing,” or a better term would be meeting each other halfway in expressing interest in the other.

-Power imbalance. It really disturbs me how Kdramas fetishize power imbalances between male and female characters to create the helpless/incompetent/somehow indebted but also plucky/cheerful/abuse-taking female lead. This can manifest itself very overtly in the many Kdramas between CEOs and secretaries, which I still cannot believe are popular in 2021. Secretary Kim did a better spin on the usual trope--the secretary holds the power of being very good at her job, and therefore indispensable and respected in her own right, but it remains a mystery to me why these super narcissistic and childish CEOs are played off as “adorable manchilds” that always need a little soothing of their ego. But to return to the power imbalance, besides obvious power imbalances of wealth/power/etc., oftentimes the guy has supernatural powers, or by nature of his job has abilities that render him the “protector” in the relationship (My love from another star, descendants of the sun), or the girl is infantilized in some way to need to protection from the male lead (legend of the blue sea, she is a mermaid and therefore dependent on the male lead for guidance in the human world, bring it on ghost as well). I think these latter power imbalances are constructed into the setting of the story because more overt forms of power imbalances are frowned upon now, but they serve the same patriarchal purpose. 

This power imbalance inevitably leads to the female lead putting up with some abuse from the male lead because she “needs” him for some other end, and him holding his power over as a way to keep her close. It fits very well into the enemies to lovers trope in this way, especially some contractual enemies to lovers, where due to the power imbalance he is able to exploit/use her in some way, and keeps her close, and she hates him but has to put up with it for her own survival in some way, but they slowly fall in love. It’s super toxic and not at all romantic because they didn’t choose each other at all, they just were pushed together by circumstance, but again it buys into our fantasy of falling in love due to circumstance, rather than our own agency.

-Overly protective (OP) vs respectfully supportive. (RS) Essentially I can divide Kdramas into these two categories, OP and RS. OP romances can commonly be found in love triangles (where jealousy flourishes) and high school romances (where characters usually have less of a personality lol), and RS relationships are more common in working adult romances, where each character is pursuing their career/dreams and they support each other in those dreams. OP relationships infantilize the female character, render her as just an object in need of saving, and power dynamic between the leads is usually he constantly needs to save her, and in return she “softens”/“heals” him which, under deeper analysis, reveals itself to be quite an insidious and harmful stereotype, the kind of psychology that keeps women in domestic violence relationships. RS relationships are also better in that the leads have something going on outside of their romance, and are motivated beyond just ending up together. My favorite of RS relationships are Miss Hammurabi (two judges that work together to confront injustices in the judicial system), Run On (two leads from v different career fields, but they take interest and support each other throughout career ups and downs), and Hello My Twenties (probably my favorite example of an RS male lead--Sungmin supports Song as she uncovers her past traumas and stands up to an abuser, but does so following her lead and not doing her work for her, but rather simply staying by her side supportively).

Conclusion

This is not all the toxicity in the kdrama world--this is just what I can come up with off the top of my head as my least favorite tropes that disempower women and glorify toxic men and toxic relationships. And of course this is not a problem unique to Korea, and is by no means a condemnation of Korean culture, etc., but I simply happen to enjoy the aesthetics and innocence (compared to American shows haha) of Kdramas, so that is the entertainment world I am familiar with, and feel able to comment on.

#miss hammurabi #run on kdrama #jtbc run on #hello my twenties #feminism #kdrama #kdramas

[steponmepinkjun]

Sara, your Asra revival is giving me Life and I just... Need to see your take on Asra romancing Aquarians. What are the pros, cons? On average, do you think there's more of a leaning of air sign mains on Asra's route? Please. Your thoughts. All the thoughts on this.

Ooooooooooh baby *rubs hands together like an evil little rat* this is so very up my alley.

I think that air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra, for those of you that don't know) are very all-or-nothing towards other air signs—we either fall madly in love at first sight, or we can't stand each other. Because the thing is, confronting a fellow air sign kind of forces you to ask yourself the question, "If I wasn't me, would I like me?" 😅

I feel this quote gives us a very nice little crash course to understanding air signs:

As air is formless, lacking a concrete body, air signs are especially vulnerable to their own personal projections. Air signs are unlimited by space, and can drift everywhere, from places to people; as such, they’re vulnerable to overindulging in absolute fantasy. They love theory over practice, and can get caught in endlessly thinking or talking something out, instead of doing it.

The three air signs are Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius. For now, let’s think of each of them as each representing a different stage of emotional and spiritual growth — of the three, Gemini comes first on the zodiac calendar, and Aquarius comes last, making it the most mature. So we have a baby, naïve variation on air in Gemini; an adolescent who wants to try it all in Libra; and a cranky, old soul in Aquarius.

The pros of two air signs together (such as Asra, a Gemini, and myself, and Aquarian) is the fluidity between us. There's no rigid expectations, no rules, and we're both constantly changing, so in the best situations, there's utter acceptance. Every weird habit, every sudden obsession, every passing fancy is wholeheartedly embraced. Both people are able to encourage the other to grow and become their best self, without judgment of the journey. Air signs tend to be eccentric, humanitarian weirdos, and what's better than being wacky and offbeat with someone who just gets you?

The cons are that we do tend to be a liiiitle bit (lol, a LOT bit) contrarian and individualistic. We pride ourselves on being different, sticking out, and forging our own way ahead; sometimes we need freedom and space to do that, without the obligation of a relationship holding us down. Having two weirdos together is great—until we both want to beat our own drum, and your drum solo clashes with mine. Sometimes two solo trumpets make free-form jazz, but sometimes they just make noise. Without structure, relationships can be so free-form that they deteriorate (I've genuinely forgotten that I'm "dating" someone and forgotten to call them for weeks, which they took as ghosting. I feel like this is probably a bit of what happened with Asra and Julian 😂). And while we love to have our head in the clouds, sometimes we need a partner that's preparing a safe place for us to land on the ground.

Air signs often get a bad rap for our emotional style. Aquarians get called emotionless and aloof; Geminis, two faced; Libras, perfections who ask for too much. I can see how non-air signs might think that, but they just don't understand us. Us Aquarians oscillate between utter detachment and utter obsession; when I first meet you I'll probably seem like I hate you, but give me five minutes to warm up and I'll be telling you my life story. When we let people in, we expect them to do the same, so you betray our trust or ignore us, we shut down entirely. Geminis know how to adjust and change on a dime, they're the chameleons of the zodiac, so if you're very rigid or structure-dependent (ahem virgos) you might have a hard time understanding who they are at their core. Libras are natural leaders, they're the diplomats of the zodiac. And they expect you to work, play, and love just as hard as they do—if you don't, they simply can't respect you. Air signs are deeply emotional this way. We demand a lot because we know we can give a lot.

(We are flighty tho, that's the one stereotype that I hate to admit is true 😂 we're so busy daydreaming that we can sometimes forget things like lunch plans, or what time we were supposed to meet up this weekend... After all, time isn't real, right? 😁)

I think air signs playing the arcana are attracted to the intensity of Asra's love and devotion, that's something that comes very natural to us. At his core, Asra is Good, fundamentally good, and we appreciate that as naturally progressive and forward-thinking signs—ahem, Aquarius is the humanitarian of the zodiac. He's weird, he's wacky, he's strange and eccentric, he does his own thing and doesn't seem to even know the meaning of the word "rules," he loves that about himself, and we do too! We crave the confidence of someone who's unabashedly themselves, that's just the sweetest nectar to us, we want to emulate that. Asra gives us air signs the best of all the worlds: freedom, novelty, adventure, something different that we can still rely on, something strange that still feels like home 💜

#Arcana #The arcana #Asra #Aquarius #Gemini #Libra #Air signs

[darkdevasofdestruction]

If you could assign new zodiac signs to all the Obey Me sins, what would they be? I’ve never really agreed with their canon ones...

Honestly, same. I talked with a friend about what their signs would be, and when we got the official birthdays, I was incredibly disappointed and put off tbh.

Disclaimer - I am NOT an Astrology expert or whatever, I base everything on what I know, what I see, what I deduce, what I analyse and all that shtick.

Now, I can say, I can very well agree with Mammon being a Virgo ( Although all Virgo men I met were shit, disgusting and very bad casanovas, the girls were very sweet, loving, kind ), so I’d see Mammon as the very sweet, tsundere kind of Virgo. Virgos are very down to Earth, lovely, in touch with their emotions and all that, and we’ve seen times and times again that Mammon lets his family walk all over him, just so they could feel better and refuel all their negative emotions in some kind of way. He’d literally give you his heart on a platter and would cry whenever he sees you as being loving to him in any kind of way.

On the other hand, I can see him being a Cancer as well - I see Cancer and Piesces as the most emotional and in-touch with their feelings signs, so is Mammon.

Now, Leviathan as an Aries, I can definitely see, considering this baby is impulsive and all hell - Anything that he likes comes up, he gets super excited and he does/buys/plays/watches it, binging days and nights on.  And let’s not forget how his emotions are a literal rollercoaster and to the extreme - Like, he can be super excited, then he gets super gloomy in a second, and then incredibly angry - Yes, Angry, the most Aries think one can be. Angry and Impulsive.

Now, the other one I could get would be Beelzebub being a Piesces, although I’d still see him as a Cancer, since they’re most stereotypically family-orientated, and he’s the only one who canonly has like 40% or more as “Family” as the thing he thinks and loves the most - No, not food, but his family. And he, I think, was actually the most wounded by Lilith’s death and Belphie going to the attic. 

This goes as a perfect anti-thesis with Belphegor who I would NEVER have seen as a Piesces, but being Twins, I guess there is that...But at least Gemini, and make it funny, come on. I know some Piesces can be super fake and bitchy, which, hey, Belphegor is a fake bitch, can’t change my mind, and that’s why I’d have kinda seen him as Gemini or maybe Scorpio too, because he has a Villain/Serial Killer vibe to him and that kind of Mysterious aura. His smile is obviously fake and screams Poison, and when he’s angry, he scared me more than Lucifer, because Lucifer is more obvious and predictable...And not a bitch. Belphegor is a bitch. Scorpios are also known to be jealous, secretive, resentful and controlling...And, uh...Remember the whole Killing MC thing? Yeah. Also, it’s said that in the original script, Belphegor is a fkn Yandere and he poisoned Satan for hanging out with MC...

For Asmodeus...Well, he’s a Taurus, alright, and they are basically known as being Sex personified or something - Just so fkn horny all the time and all that - And unfortunately, I have horrible experience with male Taurus who had no idea what Consent was and did things without me being okay with them - So I’d hate Asmo to be a Taurus because I’d associate him with a shithead. But Asmo is so much more than a sex-driven beast - Asmo wants love, wants someone genuine, wants a friend, wants cuddles and someone kind and sweet who would do self care routines with him and all that. The signs I’d choose for him would either be Scorpio, especially for his animal thing of his, or something like a Virgo - signs who are known to be feminine and sweet, but hide their true emotions very often and don’t want to bother people with their problems - In his case, Asmo’s true problem is his insecurity/looks that he tries to play as narcissism to compensate.

Now...Satan is a bit of a hard one to think about. He is a Libra, and they are said to have a hard time connecting to their humanity sometimes, so, can’t say that isn’t Satan, y’know? But they can also be very...Unlike Satan, like having troubles putting people first, having a great fashion style, struggling with confidence, indecisive...But hey, they are also natural social butterflies and are easily liked ( although by a persona many times, in Satan’s case ), as we know he has a shit ton of connections. In reality, Satan is difficult to put into one stereotype, and yes, Libra is a great sign for him, but I can also see him as other signs, maybe a Capricorn, a Scorpio, hell, maybe even a bit of Gemini or Aquarius.

And then, here’s the big man himself, Lucifer, the Morning star, who I was 100% sure was a Capricorn. As a retrospect, I am a Capricorn girl, and before I even knew of Obey me, I had friends saying that Lucifer was literally built to resemble me 100% in style, speech and behaviour - And that’s literally why I got into this game, I was curious how similar I and Lucifer were.

I am everyone’s mother in a group, and he is also very protective of his family, despite the way he punishes them ( although the situations is different for them than for humans, so it kinda makes sense anyway ), we bottle up our emotions and never tell them to anyone, we overwork ourselves until we completely exhaust ourselves, because if something isn’t done perfectly, we spiral and we’re afraid everything is out of our control and shit will go down ( Great Celestial War, Belphegor rebelling ), we are super emotional but we hide who we are behind incredibly arrogant and prideful facades of perfect coldness and superiority, ( yet our pride, ego and arrogance are actually pretty true, ngl, no wonder nobody likes me and people are afraid to even fkn approach me lol ), and we can be a bit controlling and want people to always do as we say, and we can easily feel betrayed by even the simplest things that people do without realising...Also, we want to communicate and value communication, but we’re kinda shit at it, oops.

I get the Cancer thing, since his character is literally built around him sacrificing his pride and freedom for the good of his family, but self-sacrifice and loving your loved ones endlessly is also a Capricorn trait, but it’s more underground since we’re cold bitches and nobody bothers seeing the good in us.

So, there you have it, my take on what the Sin Brothers’ signs should have been/What other signs could they have been assigned - And keep in mind, again, these are purely based on stereotypes and personal experience, I am in NO way a Zodiac expert or anything, just someone who likes to look at people and loves to read them.

#obey me #obey me zodiac signs #obey me brothers #obey me headcanons #obey me sins #lucifer #mammon #levi #leviathan #satan #asmo #asmodeus #beel #beelzebub #belphie #belphegor #obey me lucifer #zodiac #zodiac signs #astrology #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor

[vivithefolle]

It's really strange imo how many people go about saying stuff like "x character balances y character out, ergo x is the best partner and therefore y's twu luv~" as if that is completely necessary in an ideal pairing? Like, the assumption that either Ron or Harry or somebody else has to be a perfect counterweight to Hermione is pervasive. Which is weird considering how the most significant relationship dynamics we experience in the text is of a trio!

I'm not suggesting that poly is the way to go (though if that floats your boat, no judgement here). But the exposure to more nuanced dynamics in this very same text, like the three-part structure of Harry the Body • Ron the Heart • Hermione the Mind, ought to register better in fans. And like maybe also that whole moral that Love Will Save You - not just romance, but friendship, and family, and community, too - should have made more impact here.

I think it's an iffy way to idealize relationships, because it's essentially an expectation for a partner to supplement you as a person. That they should fill or fix all your deficits while not supplanting or interfering with your better features... But more than that, I think it's plain ridiculous to demand that one person must meet all these points to "solve" the other. All of our relationships contribute to shaping us as a person. Character growth occurs not only through interaction with a lover and the support of a partner, but through your bonds with everyone who you care enough about to put stock in. Both in fiction and irl!

Yeah, it is great and very compelling when the individuals in a ship complement each other - but that's really just because it enhances thematic elements for storytelling purposes! Which is why we can find ourselves enjoying unusual fanfic pairings between characters who've never interacted in the text when the author finds clever ways to link up themes and develop them. But as a determination for who is most suitable to find love in each other, it's not some definitive "correct" method undeserving of critique. Idolizing a ship for this reason is really narrow-minded in my estimation :T People aren't math problems who need to be solved, or who can only be answered in one way.

Basically, this is my manifesto on how stan culture fucking sucks. Thanks for reading lol happy shipping

Yes yes yes yes yes yes! Yes absolutely!

Absolutely, relationships aren’t. Like. The ultimate resolution to things! The obsession with romantic love - and I ship OT3-1, I am just as guilty of it - as this sort of thing that... somehow solves everything, completes you and makes everything perfect - it’s not that!

And honestly, yeah I’m totally biased that way, I love seeing Ron being comforted by his romantic partner(s) and being vulnerable and cherished and all that but I know it’s not really realistic, it’s just My Aesthetic™ and something I want to see more since it’s pretty much ALWAYS Ron who is doing the comforting and being the ~big strong manly pillar of strength for poor delicate Hermione~ and I HATE IT. I’m aware that there’s probably a shitload of projection involved, many girls who would like to have a Ron to comfort them and writing that out, but I’m like PLEASE let’s focus on him and not you for once.

It’s just... yeah, relationships aren’t easy, whether romantic or platonic. I will often downplay Harry and Hermione’s friendship to remind people of how strong a bond they both share with Ron - it’s bad, I shouldn’t do it, but I JUST CAN’T DEAL WITH THE “hurr durr rawn iz uzeless” narrative that’s been permeating the fandom for years and I will fight it in any way I can by pointing out literally everything, because if you ever slightly concede a point to these people they’re gonna go “HA YOU SEE I’M RIGHT SO YOU’RE ADMITTING RON IS USELESS” and... like no, eff off. So the way to counteract the “Ron was an ass” thing isn’t to say “oh yes, Ron was an ass, but he got better!!”, it’s “he wasn’t much more of an ass than Harry and Hermione were, why hold Ron to such different standards?”

Part of why I like Romione is the reverse gender-roles dynamic they’ve got going on. Ron being the more emotional caretaker one, which is a stereotypically feminine role in fiction, while Hermione is a bit more logical and academical, which usually is a typical masculine role (the mentor role, the teacher role, etc). I can’t get enough of that aesthetic. But it’s absolutely true that Ron and Hermione aren’t perfect halves of a greater whole - nobody is, and nobody should be! It’s not your job or anyone’s to be your partner’s “help-meet”. If you like that, if you happen to have such qualities that balance out your partner’s, that’s great! But you are in no way obliged to develop such qualities to “make my partner great again”. Hermione is pants at self-care, Ron likes taking care of people - all good! Great! But if Hermione doesn’t care for Quidditch and if Ron doesn’t care for, like, magical quantum physics or such, it doesn’t mean they’re incompatible either! It means they’ll just get their Quidditch and quantum physics talks elsewhere, from different people, and that’s fine. I think being in quarantine should have helped people realize that there’s only so much time you can take being stuck with the same person for days on end without going crazy.

Okay I rambled - right! People shouldn’t have to be perfect foils to their partners. It helps if there’s some degree of complementarity, but you can also work without it. As long as you and your partner are on the same page about things, that’s what should matter the most!

#vivi answers #ask #romione #harry potter series #the golden trio #relationships

[etihw000]

Okay but I unironically still LOVE your 2013/2014 designs, like not even in just a nostalgia sort of way the actual FASHION of them is something I vibe with heavily. Both the outfits themselves which are so unique to each character, and the way your designs so casually would incorporate nonhuman elements like tails, wings, eyes, horns, pointy ears, halos, and especially the EYES. For so long all of my characters had crazy unique eyes with different patterns and symbolisms and eyeliner/eyelashes that were so damn fun to come up with and man those eyes slapped. Maybe I sound like a fucking SIMP idk but I am still a genuine fan of those designs

ok so here’s the thing about 2013/2014 designs: i don’t mind them very much either! honestly i still really like them, especially the ones that i did later on. it’s just ... the ones with THE PATTERNS that i hate!! (for reference, this is what rage’s skin looked like. here’s a different variation i did, and a third which you don’t get a good view of because i apparently hid the actual reference at one point)

when i step back and look at it i see that 2020 era designs are infinitely more creative! everyone’s a lot looser with interpreting mcyt skins and that’s beautiful! i love them all loads!! the many dream designs? 2014 mcyt could never.

but there’s something i can’t quite put my finger on. there’s a fundamental difference between the thought process of the two eras that i can’t figure out. i thought it was the patterns, but that’s not true - i didn’t pull that shit w/ cura (skin) although it’s something i did with hii.

maybe it’s how we would constantly, CONSTANTLY, try to force designs into the casual/formal clothing we knew at the time, and just use patterns to try and distinguish ourselves from each other, i don’t know, haha. i know that we would just constantly use sweaters and suits and t-shirts and jeans and never really break out from that, so we had to figure out how to convey the skin design using that. and when we didn’t think it was unique enough we would just add more layers LOL seriously ... a croptop over a formal shirt ...

and the ones that i DID break out of? they would have simpler, nicer designs. like someguy (who is still a close friend of mine and is the one who said that his design should be very robotic). it’s just the freakishly simple designs that got the short end of the stick

but then again, i don’t really think that’s true, either, because i did a design of evanz (skin) and it was ... ok. 

i think the main idea of "what makes it 2013 design" are the patterns because me swift + 2 other artists would do it CONSTANTLY and infected several others to do loads of patterns. and so THE PATTERNS became the stereotype of 2013 era designs LOL - the more unique the better! you can probably see it now if you look back and see how many dotted lines there are, squiggles, things like that.

me swift and another person who no longer wants any public face whatsoever talked about this before and THE PATTERNS were the most striking thing, followed by our habit of ... asymmetry (rolling up pant legs / jacket sleeves BUT ONLY ONE; ONE long sleeve and the other NO SLEEVE, something like that - and lastly the SPECIFIC SNEAKER TYPE SHOES we did at the time that basically everyone got.

sorry, this has been a lot of words that never really went anywhere, huh. here’s some designs i still like. 

cade (his skin’s been deleted idk where it is) | bash (skin) | seto (skin)

#i think i stole the eye shape thing from swift #or maybe she got it from me? #who knows i think the art style and designing style underwent a lot of inbreeding #sorry when i reread all of this it stuck out to me that it looked like i ignored your entire ask and went on a ramble #i'm very sorry idk how to fix it to make it so i sound like i'm actually replying to you #please don't take it personally i don't know how to talk to people properly #2013mcyt but make it crow #ask #commentary

[imagining-in-the-margins]

GOOD NEWS! I got a job! A very, very good job that I know I will enjoy and that will be very important for my career. I’m thrilled. I start in February, so I will be writing less (we all knew the day would come!), but I am still here and I am still writing. It’s a normal office hours job, so it shouldn’t be all that different, honestly.

1. Aaaaaa thank you so much friend! I really appreciate it. I loved that piece and I’m glad other people enjoyed it, I really am.

2. I love you so much!!! Thank you for telling me 🥰

3. When I do 😅 I promise I am working on it.

4. This makes me so happy to hear. You are always welcome here, friend. I definitely agree with you that Spencer is autistic in my head (and MGG agrees!). I’ve listened to basically every interview by him and he talked about how they originally wanted Reid to essentially be Sheldon from TBBT and Gubler basically said ‘No. He’s a normal guy, he’s just kinda awkward and really smart.’ His advocacy for IDD means a lot to me and I’m so glad we got to see him play a character. It bums me out that people often forget/leave out how much disability advocacy groups mean to him.

I feel you on people questioning your diagnosis. As someone with dyscalculia (learning disability that specifically impairs math concepts), I’ve been fighting the math and science super-genius stereotype my whoooole life. I haven’t quite mastered eye contact, but I applaud you for being able to do it! I’m sorry you are obligated to, though.

You are very valid, and I’m always here if you want to chat or infodump about CM or anything else. It’s important to find your space wherever you go, and I will carve it out for us with a spoon if I have to. You deserve to exist as yourself without having to be worried about other people hurting you for it.

If you want to follow other wonderful autistic people in the fandom, @zhuzhubii​ and @illegalcerebral​ are both highly recommended by me ☺️

5. So, my advice for allistic people is always to refer to an autistic person how they want to be referred to. It’s a very personal decision with a lot that goes into it. A lot of people grew up with the DSM label Aspie/Aspergers and change isn’t easy for us. There is a lot of discourse about it. It’s one of those things that I think is best handled by letting autistic people talk amongst ourselves.

That being said, I would suggest you refrain from using the word outside of that one person’s interactions, and that you should support the movement to swap the terminology for ASD/Autistic rather than Asperger’s.

Also, slightly related, it’s always a good idea to simply not refer to our autism unless it’s absolutely necessary. Identifying us without our permission can put us in very uncomfortable or dangerous positions, and it avoids any problems with preference.

If she refers to herself as an Aspie, you should call her that. There is also a lot about intellectual elitism and other functionality/support issues... But it’s a lot. I won’t get into it now, lol. It’s intracommunity discourse.

Do what she wants. If she hasn’t stated a preference, refer to her as autistic. If she corrects you, go with what she says. It’s her identity and I think she should be able to define it (this is a controversial opinion, even among the community - other people can and likely will feel differently).

#actually autistic #answer #answered

[rpbetter]

Hi Vespertine. Sorry to add to the pile, I promise I will send in some writing related things to compensate later. I also misgendered that user in a comment by accident with she/her. I blocked them, but they still looked at my blog, and they made a post that said by using the wrong pronouns, which they thought was intentional and meant to hurt them, I purposefully called them a hysterical woman stereotype. Obviously that wasn't true. I was just going off a comment someone else made on my blog where they used she/her, and I thought I had to correct myself. It was a case where good intentions, even if I was not happy with the user's behavior or expected to talk to them again, I was still going to use the right pronouns, but my intentions were warped by someone with an agenda. I'm sorry to hear you're getting the same heat. I didn't use my rp blog to interact with the user or talk about them because I was sure something like this would happen, either by them or other people like that callout blog, and I think other people had the same idea. I dodged a bullet there, but I'm still paranoid. I'm paranoid I'll hear a notif and see my rp blog in a callout for this, because someone hunted it down, or a callout for trying to talk to the person who started all the drama. Nobody should be scared to talk about someone on their own blog. Nobody should be scared to talk openly, in general. Nobody should be called out for trying to talk with someone either. This culture of fear is so disturbing to me.

Hey there, Anon!

Oh, I would love that, but you totally don't have to, of course. Don't feel bad for adding on, I'm here for anything at all, and honestly, with the job I'm doing IRL right now, it's really hard for me to concentrate well enough on finishing any of the advice posts (at least, to be the quality y'all deserve). It's a hot topic, it's included so, so, terribly many people in the RPC. It's also one that's generating some great, needed conversations. So, it isn't like you're adding to anything bad, annoying or distracting me, or contributing to the inflammatory side of this.

Hell, it's got to be really nice for some of the people in messages I've received to see proof that they weren't alone in this experience. I can keep publishing the hate anons for exactly that reason, and I can promise people they aren't the only ones (in this or in any such horrible behavior), but it's different to see it coming from a third party! So, thank you for that.

Though, I am deeply sorry that you were treated to more than a ringside seat in this debacle.

It's not very encouraging to be thoughtful and respectful of other people when literally nothing you can say or do will result in anything other than more twisting of your words, and that's a big problem I have with this shit. Things like actual transphobia, intentional misgendering, actual infantalization and shit treatment of ND people, actual harassment, etc. etc. etc. matter. It's just more trivializing of real problems for the sake of blowing nonexistent bullshit up, and that is immensely disgusting to me. The fact that you damn well know someone out there has had the reaction to this behavior of, well, fuck you then, fuck trans people is really upsetting.

Like, yeah, let's be real, if you require social rewards to do the right thing, you have some problems lol but at the same time, you know who does require social rewards to develop themselves? Young people. And the RPC is largely comprised of people in their early twenties who, for a variety of possible reasons, are still at that point

Furthermore, no, it's not anyone's job to be good representation at all times, especially when that performance comes at a cost to themselves, but maybe don't go out of your way to be the person that is the necessary push in the wrong direction of someone's formative experience with people of your community. If it's costing you nothing to not clown on serious issues, but is costing the entire world another bigot for you to clown on serious issues, the choice should be a bit obvious here. Whenever you're in a safe place - physically, emotionally - and capable of that kind of logic, exercise it, damn.

It's definitely a better course of action than playing out skewed activism by vilifying innocent people, more worthy of one's effort than losing their collective shit over a very easy mistake. One that I'd say was even less avoidable in your case. AGAIN, how, exactly is anyone supposed to know this shit when they're blocked? When they aren't subverting the blocks they, themselves, put in place? I know for a fact none of them are looking at the information of the people they choose to try to drive out of the RPC, but everyone else is supposed to make zero reasonable assumptions, check and recheck blogs they have made an effort not to visit for good reason. Sounds absolutely reasonable and sane!

So, you know what? I'm going to be even more offensive here and talk for a moment about why these mistakes are reasonable.

When we see a post and reblog it, it's not unreasonable to assume that the OP had knowledge we didn't. Since we blocked the offending party, but they're discussing them. OP uses the incorrect pronouns, we end using the incorrect pronouns as well. This is not malicious intent. It isn't intentional at all, it's just having a discussion. A discussion that wouldn't have even transpired if they hadn't taken it upon themselves to (what a coincidence) take personal issue with a RPer they repeatedly took out of context and decided to shame for it, before proceeding to get an even bigger stick and pot.

When we decide to block a blog, it's our responsibility to stay off of it. Not go looking at it for any reason. That is now off-limits. When someone blocks us, it's also our responsibility to respect that decision, no matter how outrageous it was, no matter what we might need to verify. That's the issue with blocking when we don't exploit how easy it is to get around blocking on tumblr; we've cut ourselves off from any further meaningful communication, including passive communication like rules and posts. Kind of like how you cannot expect an apology to mean a damn thing when you've blocked everyone you harassed, then made that apology in a post on your blocked blog. Don't put up walls you expect people to see through, then get upset when they can't see through them.

As a community, the RPC is primarily afab. That's never a problem to bring up when someone wants to be angry about their female muse not getting equal attention and so on, but it's a problem to discuss any other time, about any other problem. Dealing with the things that we're socially raised to ascribe to as afab people is that problem. It's reflected in our behaviors, interests, and speech. We may not want to live in a gendered world, we may eschew that, but we were raised in a gendered world and it shows. One which has a lot of complications for being that, like almost everyone feeling safer around afab people by default of the All Men Are Bad, All Women Are Harmless bullshit.

We not only know that the RPC is primarily afab, we tend to assume comfort, especially in hostile situations, by assuming those pronouns in others.

And it so does not matter how much any of us like it, some people have more masculine or feminine tones. Even in text. That means neither that someone's gender identity should be disregarded nor that this text-based presentation is correct, but like every other unfair thing that exists, it's a thing. Like you, Anon, you genuinely come across in tone as primarily neutral, slight lean toward masculine. Even if I wasn't inclined to do so, not knowing you and all, I'd use they/them for you instinctively because that's what your speech is giving me. That isn't any more unreasonable than ascribing another set of pronouns based on the same information.

Oh yeah, I know, lurkers, the difference is that they/them is the appropriate choice when one does not know. I know that logically, but people aren't always operating like robots, weirdly enough. We default to a lot of instinctive behaviors, and we aren't always operating at the top rung of cognition either. Being human works like that, it's really that simple and not malicious if you're not reading that into it.

As we're all aware, it is being read into, and your experience is exactly why; you now feel worried every time you get a notif, you've been outed as a supposed transphobe, and while it is incredibly fortunate you stopped this from transpiring on your RP blog, it still transpired somewhere and has had a negative effect. If they find they correct thing or set of things, they can get so many more people to dogpile you over it. Get enough people to do that, make someone miserable enough, especially people who are already going through a hard enough time already, they'll leave.

It is a terroristic act, and it has the effect of all terroristic acts; people are afraid to exist outside of shifting bounds (that shifting is a part of the terrorism). They can't have an opinion, write any muse/topic they wish, be honest on their own blogs, support the "wrong" topics, muns, or blogs. Attacking people for a mistake, not allowing them to address it either, just furthers all of that. It's showing the community what happens when you aren't on the "right" side, even if that isn't even the case. They certainly turn on their own quickly enough.

So, of course, it's a culture of fear and it is disturbing as hell. No one has any right to make someone feel unsafe over fiction or a hobby or a difference of opinion. Everyone has the right to say whatever they want on their own blogs, to talk openly, and yes, to try to talk to others without feeling at risk.

Even if what someone says is genuinely unpleasant. This isn't the way one handles it. By all means, have a problem with something, have a problem with someone, but grow up and talk to them openly, without bringing everyone you can dredge up to join in. I have no issue with people arguing, I have an issue with bullying. If it's your whole goal to harass people without consequences to the end result of deactivation and lockstep behavior from everyone else, that's what you're doing, folks. Bullying.

If you can't win an argument, especially one your own ass began, in any other way than this, you're not engaging in an argument.

#vespertine #answered #anonymous #callout culture #rp harassment

[chicagosfinest2021]

nosy anons let's go

(I know people are supposed to anonymously send these to people but most people usually don't bother so I'm just going to answer them myself because I can :-P )

0: Height-5'3"

1: Age-Old enough to know what a pager is but young enough to never have actually used one before X-D

2: Shoe size-9

3: Do you smoke? No

4: Do you drink? Occasionally/socially

5: Do you take drugs? Just benadryl for my allergies

6: Age you get mistaken for? Early to mid 20's

7: Have tattoos? No

8: Want any tattoos? No, I like my chocolately skin the way it is :-)

9: Got any piercings? Just my ears

10: Want any piercings? I might get one or two more

11: Best friend? My sister

12: Relationship status? Happily unattached

13: Biggest turn ons? Men who have money and spend it on me

14: Biggest turn offs? Broke men who are looking for free sex and free therapy

15: Favorite movie? An Indian movie I just watched on Netflix a few months ago called "Queen". I saw so much of myself in the main character, it was amazing.

16: I’ll love you if… For men, you consistently make the effort to make me happy and make sure I'm taken care of(which includes respecting my time and my presence in your life). For women...we just have to bond and genuinely enjoy each others company, that's really it. Women earn my love much more easily.

17: Someone you miss? My grandmother, I'd probably give up a lot of good things I have going for myself right now in exchange for having my grandmother back.

18: Most traumatic experience? (*Trigger warning*) My sexual assaults, especially the second one because it was someone I'd known since I was a kid.

19: A fact about your personality? I've been introverted since childhood. I like either small intimate settings or being alone, rarely do I enjoy being in big groups.

20: What I hate most about myself? That it took me so long to come out of my social anxiety and had low self value for so long. I think that if I had conquered all of that sooner, I'd be a lot further ahead in life.

21: What I love most about myself? I'm more secure in who I am now than ever before. There's certain things that I used to tolerate that are unthinkable to me in the present, and I don't have "haters" because anyone that might be throwing negative energy my way doesn't register.

22: What I want to be when I get older? A luxurious Black woman with my own condo and living in an upscale neighborhood. I want to be saving money, making wise investments, and spoiling myself and my niece <3 I also want to have a tight group of girl friends I spend time with regularly.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)? I have one full sister who is like my twin and we're very close, and a younger half-sister who's 8 years my junior whom I love but don't relate to too much. We have different mothers and (through no fault of hers) we grew up in very different environments: me and my oldest sister are a lot more "bougie" as a result of our suburban upbringing, but our little sister grew up in the 'hood and applies "hood logic" to a lot of things. The type of men we're attracted to, the type of music we like, the company we keep. . .it's like trying to talk to someone who speaks a foreign language.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)? I'm a daddy's girl. Even though my dad and I don't see eye to eye on everything he's the reason why I have such high expectations from men. My mom and I only recently started getting close, she and I tend to bump heads more often than me and my dad.

25: My idea of a perfect date? I show up to a 4 star Italian restaurant and my date meets me with roses and a small gift. We sit down and he's a gentleman, we eat, chat, makes jokes, and have a few drinks. After he pays the bill but before we get up to leave he passes me an envelope under the table. I take a look and see that it has $700 in cash inside of it. I accept it and thank him. Before we part ways he requests to see me again soon and I tell him I'll have to check my schedule. My Uber ride pulls up and my date opens my door for me before taking my hand and kissing it.

26: My biggest pet peeves? Men who want maximum benefits for minimal effort and the women willing to give it to them. Also trap music, just. . .in general. Oh and Black people who still insist we're "taking the sting out of the N-word" by using it casually amongst ourselves, it's just such a problematic and counterproductive mindset and I can't even pretend to entertain it.

27: A description of the girl/boy I like? I don't currently have anyone that I like but ideally they'd be well groomed, witty, intelligent, stable mentally, emotionally and financially. Someone who likes jokes but isn't vulgar, and notices the little things about me (how I make eye contact, my natural scent, the way I carry myself when I walk, sit, stand, etc). Being physically attractive is always a plus, but things that I find physically attractive in a person is very broad.

28: A description of the person I dislike the most? Rude, unkempt, body odor, someone who doesn't respect personal boundaries, ungrateful, uninteresting, someone who talks incessantly about things they don't actually know or can't comprehend.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend? I can't remember the last time I lied to a friend about anything.

30: What I hate the most about work/school? My current position is uninteresting, tedious and not in a field I was working in previously. Also I'm doing work that realistically should be performed by 4 or 5 people but of course they expect one person to take care of everything. It's really just a temporary gig to make money to save up for a new place, so I'm trying to suck it up because I know I won't be here long.

31: What my last text message says: My cousin said she got her 2nd covid vaccination today so I responded with "Hip Hop Hooray!" LOL

32: What words upset me the most? "I'm just looking to have fun. . ."

33: What words make me feel the best about myself? When another pretty Black girl gives me a compliment, I immediately feel invincible.

34: What I find attractive in women? High self esteem and a sense of security, not seeing other women as competition, women who are cultured and have multiple interests, and who enjoy learning new things as well as sharing her wisdom with others. I also enjoy creating bonds with women who are child-free by choice like myself.

35: What I find attractive in men? Their ability to spoil me and give me pleasure.

36: Where I would like to live? North side of Chicago maybe around Lincoln Park. Outside of the US I'd like to live in England or Ireland in the future.

37: One of my insecurities: I am a short woman with large breasts (double D's). I've been buxom since a very young age and being well endowed has made me the center of negative attention on more than a few occasions. I'm constantly battling between wanting to highlight my curves without "advertising" too much either.

38: My childhood career choice: I believe I wanted to be a writer. I'd love to be a travel blogger actually.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor: It used to be cookie dough but now it's mint chocolate chip

40: Who I wish I could be: Sade

41: Where I want to be right now: Sitting on the balcony of my luxury condo, sipping wine and watching the lights of the city while smooth jazz is playing on my record player.

42: The last thing I ate: A slice of my dad's birthday cake (red velvet)

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: I have this picture of this male model saved on my phone who looks like a "stereotypical" sugar daddy to me: tall, caucasian male, white/silver hair, piercing blue eyes, mid to late 50's, full beard and mustache, about 6 feet tall, muscular build.

44: A random fact about anything: Countries with more irreligious people/atheists/non-believers tend to also be the most peaceful and prosperous.

#chicagosfinest #black girl luxury #black sugar baby #black women in luxury #q and a time

[thistangledbrain]

Autism Awareness Month

Day 4!

“Reactions to ‘coming out’”

This might be my least favorite thing to touch on.

It was definitely a mixed bag.

My closest friends & family were like “well THAT makes sense”, and nothing really changed, except maybe showing me a little bit more understanding.

I took umbrage with the “friends” (more like acquaintances) who started treating me either like some sort of exotic creature they weren’t sure how to handle, or treating me as if I’m slow, and speaking to me as if I were a child. (A healthy chunk of those folks were the types who wouldn’t be the smartest person in the room even if they were standing in a phone booth, and it’s pretty offensive to be talked down to by those types.) 
I suppose I only was really stung by the people who *already knew me*...why would you treat me differently now? And it’s not like folks didn’t know “my weirdness”...as I mentioned in a prior post, I’ve always been myself - online and off. That “authentically me” thing is what draws many people to my circle in the first place. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I assume what bothers people is that you can’t shove me in a box, and at times I seem to be a walking contradiction. I run into this even with fellow auties...many women find it amazing that I served in the Marines (quite honorably - and frankly I think it would shock people to know how many auties find military service a very comfortable environment), and that I have more quiet confidence in myself than many can muster. (It’s not that I have all that much confidence all the time, so much as a “fuck it” sort of attitude lol...trust me, I end up embarrassing myself quite a bit 😆)

So occasionally I run up on suspicion even with other auties...plus the skepticism from some NTs I know. “Are you *sure* you’re autistic?” 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 (Look - just because YOU experience my autism mildly, doesn’t mean I do. You know that “still waters run deep” saying? I wouldn’t necessarily class myself as ‘still waters’, but there is a LOT more going on under the surface than you’re aware of topside.)

Once again, autism is a spectrum. Folks maybe know a friend’s kid or young adult offspring who is a hot damn mess, or who is nonverbal, or who is violent and angry all the time, or who has ZERO idea of social constructs...and then there’s me, and I don’t seem to compare (*until you get to really know me* LOL...trust me, I’m a hot damn mess & DO need my “hand held” with certain things, and I *definitely* have a temper...I *used to* be a very angry person, and could be violent - but I’ve worked hard on that.)

Here’s the thing - NONE of us are really going to compare with each other like you want us to. It’s like assuming everyone with brown eyes acts the same, or something.

Think of the autism spectrum as a music mixing board. You know, with all those fun slide buttons? You increase the bass a little here, soften the drum track a little there, dial up the vocals in this part. Each autistic person you know has one of those mixing boards - but our buttons are all slid to different levels. I might have less issue with sensory processing than my Autie friend or son, but more issue with executive function. I know auties who can’t write a coherent thought, but speak eloquently - and vice versa (I’m the latter - I write far more coherently than I speak). In short, our abilities and dis-abilities vary greatly from person to person...just like anyone else.

I’ll close this entry out by saying, if you know a late diagnosed Autie, *be supportive*. It’s like we are finding ourselves again after diagnosis ...it can be scary for us, too, as we explore things we’ve suppressed so thoroughly our whole lives. Don’t make your newly diagnosed Autie feel bad if she suddenly feels like she has permission to carry a stuffed animal in her purse, or if you find him or her (usually her - females mask, mimic, and suppress, so it’s not uncommon for us to receive a diagnosis much later in life, when all that becomes TOO exhausting and we kinda...snap) suddenly okay with “stimming” around you (that can be rocking, flapping, or any manner of comforting, repetitive behavior)...or if she suddenly starts being okay with laying down some pretty sharp boundaries, after being passive and “accepting” since you’ve known her. (From an Autie perspective...you really have no idea the shit we put up with that we don’t want to, and it’s not uncommon, that I’ve seen, for women to get their diagnosis and just kinda go “welp, I’m fucking tired of pretending this is ok - it’s NOT”, and they now have permission/an excuse to tell someone to fuck straight off.

If your only exposure to autistic folks are the ones in the SPED class screeching and flapping around (hey - don’t write them off, either - many of them aren’t slow at all, they’re just TRAPPED, and chances are they’re frustrated as fuck about that), then someone like me is a real conundrum. How in the world are we both autistic?! (Psst. Because it’s a spectrum 😏)

Your best bet is to just get to know us individually, and not lump us all together. Or in other words...don’t stereotype us - that is the ultimate lesson in futility, and frustration.

I hope everyone out there is having a lovely Easter, if you celebrate it! And I hope these blogs open some eyes to the fascinating world of autism. ♥️

#asd #autistic #autism #awareness

[fictionfreakazoid]

That post you made about our culture as lgbtq+ POC and liberalism/modernism is chef’s kiss. I must add I was very disappointed when I first saw the Marjan Muslim woman arranged marriage spoiler, because as a Muslim woman myself these tropes never reflect our true irl experiences. The resolution tonight was surprisingly somewhat not all bad to me. All we see in US tv shows is how inferior our practices are and how they can be ‘cured’ by their modernism for us to be truly happy. Yes some of our practices are problematic but it’s hard to just toss out our family who like Carlos phrased “are good people but not perfect “ for found family without the struggle of needing both.

I am a Biracial, Muslim and engaged to a woman. My parents know and we have had dinner with them. My mom is more welcoming (she is white) and my dad (he is black) is always happier to avoid any conversation about it. I literally stopped wearing a hijab at work & Ṣalāt al-Jumuʿah after the Nice attacks but almost everyday before work, during lunch etc I cry about it to a point where I want to quit because I am not fulfilled. Yes I don’t get to be a target but I want to celebrate my religion the way I please.That conflict phase is hard and most media gloss over it like it’s empowerment (remember Nadia removing her hijab in Elite?) .

Do they (911 LS) need to research more on Muslim and Islam representation? Absolutely!!S1 was very cringe but today I was left feeling somehow hopeful to give them a chance. I will probably get a lot of backlash for this but couldn’t they just hire a Muslim actress or consult with IRL Muslims?

I flesh it out because you gave me the stage lol, Again sorry for the bad English.

Salamu Alaikum sister! First of all, thank you for sharing, and I will always support you as my fellow Muslim and I’m glad there’s another lgbt+ POC Muslim watching the show!  Also, I actually didn’t watch Elite because I heard about that specifically and I didn’t want to go through that painful “representation” again. This is kinda long lol sorry I like writing and I have a lot of feelings about this, so I’ll put a read more here

I didn’t see any spoilers of the arranged marriage before the episode, so watching the episode my dread just grew and grew and unfortunately materialized. However, a few years ago I became friends with a hijabi in my college class and she informed me that she was engaged in an arranged marriage. Obviously, this shocked me at first but then she further explained that it had been more of a matchmaking process where her parents showed her people, and then she got to choose. I was still uncomfortable with this because obviously she was still pressured to get married, but my mom talked to me about it later and was like well, how else are (Muslims) going to find a suitable spouse in a halal way if not by matchmaking or happening to find a person? And I have to agree that at least that form of “arranged marriage” sounded somewhat reasonable if it was truly still a consensual choice by both spouses. However, the form of arranged marriage they showed in the episode was strongly different than that and literally proved to be problematic in the episode. I know Muslims from several different countries, I know my relatives who literally live in the Middle East: none of them still do that or even did that generations ago and honestly, the practice isn’t that Islamic either if the choice to opt out wasn’t apparently given to them from the start, which it didn’t seem to be in Marjan and Salim’s case. Arranged marriage in that form is definitely part of some cultures, but not, to my knowledge, a part of the Muslim nor Middle Eastern/Arab culture at large other than the clearly and undoubtedly unislamic practices of forced child marriages. So clearly they did not actually base the arranged marriage on actual Muslim culture, although arranged marriages do still happen in our culture, I personally do not know of it being common in our Muslim, particularly Muslim American, culture to be in that form so my suspicion is that they really just heard that Muslim communities still have arranged marriage without any context and tried to put it in the show and act all woke about it. I know that Marjan’s actress isn’t Muslim (which is also problematic, I definitely agree with you) and I doubt they either consult any actual Muslims nor is it likely that they have any Muslims in their writing team, and if they do they will only choose the most liberal of their opinions that fit their ideas of liberalism/modernism and escaping stereotypes and that’s too much of a portion that they’re including in the show. 

To continue to the part of the arranged marriage arc that I actually found reasonable: Marjan’s ultimate rejection of Salim. Despite some of the problematic ways they showed it, Marjan did strongly and visibly believe in Islam and its practices and was proud to be Muslim and defended it when the squad questioned any aspects of it. She also made it clear that she personally believed in it/had her personal conviction in Islam and that it wasn’t just something she pretended to follow along for the sake of pleasing her parents, which some Muslims, unfortunately, end up doing, particularly in this generation with exposure to “modernism”, which I still respect because that’s their personal journey and only Allah can judge and they as well as anyone else might end up coming back to Islam ultimately. Also, that can show that they weren’t really taught enough about the beauty of the true religion and not conservative/traditionalist propaganda of Islam, which is not just spread to nonMuslims through Islamophobic media but also spread to poorly Islamically educated Muslims ourselves, to have strong enough convictions for it, but again, their personal journey and I still respect them because true Islam teaches that you respect anyone even nonMuslims and that you always leave the door open and just try to educate and be a good example. Marjan seems to follow that same mindset as well because she is shown to be very accepting of others and their beliefs even when they don’t match hers, she just respects them and makes her boundaries clear. And to tie that back to the main point - that’s exactly what she did with Salim. Salim showed multiple signs of not truly adhering to Islamic values, first the alcohol drinking (which I also strongly admired the visible discomfort she had for that), the side relationship and then ultimately kissing her. She respected his personal decision to do those things, but she ended it when it became apparent that he expected her to do the same or at least tolerate it if she loved him. What I admired is that she put her foot down and said that if she not only couldn’t be in a commitment with someone who didn’t keep their commitments (which even plenty, if not most, of nonMuslims agree with) but also no longer had the same values or a tolerable amount of the same (Islamic) values she held. That along with other subtle signs of Marjan’s personal conviction to Islam are what make me still have at least some hope for the representation. Despite the terrible form of the arranged marriage they showed, they still showed that Marjan sticks to her beliefs and isn’t ashamed of them and is even willing to defend them, she doesn’t conform to just abandoning everything because she loved Salim, which is what the modernism ideology wants to promote. I also liked how they showed that it wasn’t an easy decision to make either - it was a clear choice for her, but it still hurt her and I like that they didn’t just shame her for that like certain modernist ideologies would’ve wanted to portray her situation (particularly because it would further Islamophobia, which let’s be honest is usually the goal for most nonMuslim media): either you abandon everything for love or you cut ties for things that you can’t agree with and feel nothing because your beliefs are strong. That ideology is so wrong and I’m glad the show portrayed that: it’s a struggle, and it hurts. I’m glad that they showed that struggle with a Muslim POC instead of just being like “Oh well her sticking to Islam makes the decision really easy and it wasn’t even a struggle because *shameful tone* religion means a lot to her, and they easily could’ve gotten away with that, but thankfully they at least did that for us. 

I also really liked that they showed a similar struggle with Carlos, but instead of Islam, it was more about the struggle of being lgbt+ and also the love for your family despite their intolerance. (Personal) I literally went through an almost identical scenario to Carlos - I (regrettably) came out (as biromantic asexual) to just my dad and even though I specifically told him not to he later told me that he outed me to my mom. My dad was supportive and said that God made me this way and that true Islam says it’s ok, and although right now I’m still kind of uncomfortable talking about it with him because some of his opinions or understandings are kind of problematic/misunderstandings/stereotypes (i mean he literally outed me to my mom and who knows who else when I told him not to), but my mom... he literally told me she thought it was haram (not Islamically allowed) and that was the last time I discussed anything lgbt+ with my dad and I never even mentioned it to my mom myself. But they’re my parents, I love them and all my relatives and Islam, they’re all so important to me, but I’m also not ashamed of being lgbt+ and it’s a part of who I am. I’m in the closet in real life other than my parents and my personal best friend who is also lgbt+, but I wish I didn’t have to be. I struggle with it every day, I don’t feel safe or secure enough to be out, those words TK chose specifically struck a chord with me. Not only do I physically feel unsafe about being out, I know that despite being supportive of lgbt+ historically before colonialism, the Islamic community, even my family, would not only not be supportive of me now, they’d also be one of the sources of my fear if I came out. I love Islam, I love the community and my family and I know they have their problems, some of which are really serious, but they still have a lot of amazing qualities and they have helped shaped who I am. (End personal)

You know what’s ironic about the message modernism sends out against lgbt+ POC and also Muslims (particularly POC Muslims)? They say that being lgbt+ is part of who you are and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it, yet they promote that you should abandon your ideology, culture and family if they don’t support you, even though those can also be important parts of who you are. I know some people are forced/coerced to make a choice between at least some of those things because of safety and intolerance, and I respect that and my heart is out to all those who have been forced to do so, I easily could’ve been one of them. I know that they struggled with this stuff too, I know they likely still struggle with it. Modernism can’t make that struggle go away, as much as it tries to hide it under an easy choice. Our ideologies, our cultures and our families aren’t personal hobbies that you can toss out at any point because they have problems, modernism can’t and shouldn’t always try to “fix” them, they might have problems but a lot of times modernism tries to “fix” them without context and only out of disrespectful ignorance and prejudice, it’s not empowerment. Our ideologies, our cultures and our families have value not only in general but also to us personally, and just saying that they should be easy sacrifices is disrespectful. Both sides usually make it seem as though we can easily choose only one and can only choose one, but they’re usually both important to us. Neither of them are easy to give up, they’re a part of us, we don’t want to choose between them and we struggle with that every day. 

On a more personal note to you, sister, I understand your fear of publicly wearing the hijab, it’s like the fear I have of being out. I’m so sorry you don’t feel safe enough to show your Muslim pride through your hijab as well. Allah (swt) knows you still love Islam and are not ashamed and are considering your safety, he will always take that into account. I support you and if you ever want to talk more about it, feel free! I know it sucks to have your family not really fully support your lgbt+ identity and all the aspects of it including your fiancee, who I hope makes you as happy as you deserve and respects you and all who you are. You are valid and I hope the struggle gets easier for us and things improve in the future inshAllah. Feel free to reach out any time, and let me know what you think!