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guksfairy · 1 month

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I’m Tired Anyways

Jungkook x bubbly OC

playlist • original scene •

WC: 2K

In which Jungkook shows you he genuinely cares about you in his own way

💗: HEAVILY inspired by that one scene in ‘When I Fly Towards You’! If you want to see the original scene I based this fic off of I linked it above and it starts at minute 19:32 💗 !

note: I wrote this fairly quick so please excuse mistakes 🥲

You wish you could stare at her with a genuine smile but how could you? There she was standing with your Jungkook! Maybe not yours yet but eventually your Jungkook!

You watched as they stood in front of a stand looking at all the souvenirs displayed on the table along with a variety of other objects.

“Are you aware you’re pouting like a kid who was just told no?” You stare back at your best friend of 4 years and let out a breathy sigh.

“Sua, do you think they’re still close?”

“Considering this is their first time seeing one another after 2 years…no,” you begin to smile, “but who says people can’t reconnect,” and it goes away in an instant.

“You’re not helping,” you say fully turning and staring at the variety of sunglasses on the rack in front of you.

“You know I’m only joking! You can’t seriously be this upset because Jungkook and a girl from his old school are catching up,”

You walked out of your English exam tired as fuck. You looked at the other students walking out along with you and every single one looked tired. Your exam group had to get up at 6 AM for your test which would be from 7 AM to 10 AM.

Not all 3 hours were used but if you wanted a good mark than you better use them. As you walked down the ramp to the exit you catch a glimpse of Jungkook walking back and forth clearly waiting for you at the exit.

“Jungkook!” you run to him with a completely different emotion from the prior. His group was slightly luckier with their test only being 2 and a half hours long.

“I thought your test ended a half hour ago. Were you waiting for me?” you liked to tease him. He wasn’t big on emotions but even a smile would do for you.

“Oh- uh I just came out now,” you can tell he was bluffing but let it go realizing your other three friends weren’t with him.

“Have Sua, Jimin, and Minhyuk not finished their tests?” you question as you watch his eyes trail to the left and stared at the three crouching on the floor.

“She’s so in love with him she doesn’t even notice us,” you hear Minhyuk say as you smile shyly at Jungkook as he lets a barely audible laugh.

The three walk towards you and Jungkook.

“Well I need some food in my system. Should we look up places to eat here?” Jimin’s already taking his phone out before you can all agree but all your attention is quickly taken when you hear a voice call Jungkook’s name.

“Jungkook! Is that you? I thought I recognized you!” it was an older man walking towards your group with a girl who looked your age.

“Mr. Fukutomi,” Jungkook turns and greets the elder with a handshake. He wore a green badge signifying he was a teacher.

“It’s been a while since I last saw you! You remember my granddaughter, Tsuki,” she waves at your entire group and you try your best to keep a smile.

He remembers her?

“I’m assuming you came here to take your annual science exam? How was it?”

“I did and it was fine. I enjoy science a lot,” he speaks as the four of you just watch and listen to their interaction.

“Well it’s almost lunch time. Have you all eaten?” he asks and stares at us all.

“We were just on our way sir,” you hear Minhyuk behind you. You could hear the desperation in his voice for this conversation to end so he could finally grab some food.

“You should let Tsuki show you around town and then have lunch together afterward. She practically grew up here,” the elder suggests making a hand movement towards Tsuki who just smiled.

Again. You hear Minhyuk let a quiet sigh at the thought of doing something before eating.

“Oh we wouldn’t want to bothe-” ”Nonsense! I’m sure you two would like to catch up too!” he cuts off Jungkook before wishing you all a great day and walking away.

You all wave goodbye to him and watch Tsuki walk closer to you guys.

“I know this great sight seeing area but we need to walk a bit far for it,” she says.

“You think we can grab some snacks or something first,” Jimin asks.

“Of course. We can stop at the souvenir shop around the corner. They sell tons of snacks from around the world,” she explains.

“Lead the way,” Jimin replies as she lets out a small laugh and you all begin walking.

You walk shoulder to shoulder with Jungkook before realizing Tsuki was on his other side and they were laughing and conversating so you walk slower to be with Sua who was behind you.

“What’s wrong?” she notices your head slightly down as you wrap your arm around hers. You don’t even realize when Jungkook took notice of you leaving his side as he stared back at you.

You looked upset which worried him. Maybe he’ll ask you when you guys arrive at the shop.

“Tsuki’s pretty,”

“So are you, Y/N,” she replies.

“Tsuki seems smart,”

“So are you, Y/N. Stop sulking before I tell Tsuki to leave. Besides you know how head over heels Jungkook is for you,”

No. You don’t. Often times your friend group would tease you and Jungkook and would always say how in love he was with you but you never fully saw it.

Sure he’s defended you multiple times, has come to your rescue on multiple occasions, and always walks you home but maybe that was just him being nice.

He’d have to do much more for you to feel fully confident in his feelings towards you.

“Stop it. You would never,” you say leaning your head on her shoulder following the pace of the group.

“Tsuki!” you hear her call out and immediately panic resulting in you giving her a minor hit on her arm before staring at Tsuki and smiling at her. You end up making eye contact with Jungkook who also turned around.

“Nothing! Are we almost there?” Sua ask.

“We’re here!” she says pointing the bright shop filled with a variety of snacks.

Jimin and Minhyuk run inside grabbing snacks they know your group would enjoy leaving you, Sua, Jungkook, and Tsuki outside to stare at all the keychains, bracelets, and postcards.

Tsuki drags Jungkook over to a table opposite of you and Sua before she begins picking out random items.

“Got them! Let’s go” Jimin and Minhyuk walk out of the store with 1 bag filled to the brim of snacks for the 6 of you.

Tsuki begins to lead the group once more to a different destination in mind.

This time she led you to a steep hill. Not too steep but steep enough. You felt your legs giving out just from looking at it.

“I told you guys it was a bit of a walk but I promise the sights on the way up are so worth it!” she says with desperation in her voice hoping you all wouldn’t mind.

When you got ready this morning you weren’t exactly dressing for a hike.

Tsuki smiles and begins walking up and was followed by Jungkook and wherever Jungkook goes so do Jimin and Minhyuk.

“Let’s go,” Sua says walking a slower pace then the rest yet you still felt the burn after some time.

“Up ahead is a famous landmark if you guys want to go even further. You can see further out and it’s pretty during the day. Besides it’s a weekday and not many people are around if you guys are up for it,” Tsuki told the group.

You had all been walking for about 20 minutes and had finally reached an area with a bench and a sight.

“Is it the same one that people post all over their Instagram accounts to seem adventurous? Because if so, I am in,” Jimin’s eyes light up

“Yeah I mean we’re already here,” Minhyuk says with energy received after eating a bar of chocolate.

The group begins to move again before you interrupt.

“You guys go ahead! I’m going to rest here and wait for you guys. My shoes are making it slightly uncomfortable to walk,” you voice gets audibly quieter as you speak.

You look at Jungkook whose eyes don’t leave yours for a second watching you lift your leg off the ground just slightly to ease the tension in it.

“I’ll stay with you if you want,” Sua says staring at you.

“It’s fine, really, go enjoy the view,” you say looking back at the group and realizing his eyes haven’t left your face at all.

His expression read worried before his attention was pulled by Tsuki, “Jungkook, let’s go?” she begins walking away and Jungkook stares at you one last time before following suit.

You watch as the rest of the group continues walking uphill and sit on the bench staring out.

It had been about half an hour since the group left and you were growing bored.

As you take out your phone a hand reaches in front of your face holding a carton of strawberry milk with a straw poked in.

Jungkook always does it for you.

“You didn’t go with the rest of the group?” you say smiling up at him and take the strawberry milk from his hands.

“I saw a stand of drinks when we were walking and you said strawberry milk always makes you feel better,” you listen to him as you take a sip of the sweet drink and watch him sit next to you.

“Besides, I’m tired anyways,” he looks back up to where the group originally left from before speaking once more, “…they’re probably going to take a while. Do you want to explore?” he says looking at you.

“Explore?” you stare at him as he smiles at you and begins grabbing your bag and placing it over his shoulder and allowing you to get up before walking a bit further down.

“Tsuki failed to mention there’s a cable car that takes you directly to the land mark,” Jungkook says leading you to the cable car waiting for passengers.

“Oh my god if Sua found out about this she would be so annoyed! She was also starting to get irritated with all the walking,” you say taking another sip of your drink.

He’s staring at you like you hung the stars and leads you to the cable car before the two of you sit and watch the trees pass by as the machine gets higher and higher.

“You’re not afraid?” he says looking over at you and you shake your head.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of when I’m with you,” you say with the biggest smile and he stares away before you can watch his face flush

From there you completely forgot about your friends, Tsuki, and time.

Jungkook led you to other areas he thought you’d like. He bought you both ice cream and even bought you a small plushie to put on your bag because you said it reminded you of him. Eventually you two ended up on the beach collecting shells and staring at the sunset. Afterwards you decided to enjoy the view from the pier.

You watched him staring out at the birds flying above the waters and promised yourself you wouldn’t give up. Even if it took you years for him to reciprocate his feelings you would not be giving up.

When he turned to stare at you it caused you to immediately fluster and face the sea pretending you weren’t staring.

He was the one watching you this time. He was thinking about the carnival that’s coming to your city soon. He was thinking about the fireworks they would be releasing at 10 PM sharp. He was thinking about how you would react to him asking you out.

Would you turn him down? Jungkook was well aware your feelings for him were serious but he was never sure how to make it obvious he too had them.

Would you say yes and kiss him like you had in his dreams?

He would just have to wait and hope for it all to workout.

#jeon jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #jungkook fic #jungkook imagine #jungkook x oc #jungkook x reader #bts #bts jungkook

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captain-joongz · 1 month

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A little show

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f!reader

Genre: uni au, pure smut with a dash of plot, some fluff, strangers to lovers

Word count: 9.6k

Summary: Who knew that getting off in the uni bathroom to get away from the world's most boring lecture could lead to getting absolutely railed by a cute postgrad student... but third time's the charm, right?

Warnings: slight exhibitionism, masturbation in a public bathroom, sex in a public bathroom (for once they're even using condoms lol), yoongi is a little shit but he'll rock your world, dirty talk, slight choking kink, dom-ish yoongi, who am i kidding he's a fucking beast, fingering, backshots, rough sex, some begging, biting and marking, they literally don't talk to each once before fucking

A/N: oof this was totally unplanned but i cannot be held responsible for anything after seeing the d-day concert movie, this is all yoongi's fault. also it ends surprisingly fluffy for the filth that's contained within

credit for the divider to @saradika-graphics, thank you so much <3

I blinked rapidly, trying to keep myself awake while the lecturer droned on, his nervous slightly stuttering voice carrying through the classroom and lulling everyone into a half-asleep haze. Every Tuesday I had to sit through 90 minutes of this man stumbling through every topic, trying to connect with the classroom full of people while anxiously stepping around the whiteboard projecting his presentation.

I was fully understanding, this was his first year teaching and he still hasn’t shaken off the stage fright, but that didn’t stop me from wishing I had never enrolled into this class and rather spent the time doing literally anything else. It didn’t help that it was an afternoon lecture, dragging on until 5PM, which was usually the time I was already completely fried.

I looked around, noting the other students similarly fighting off sleep or browsing internet on their notebooks, some valiantly still trying to keep their attention on the lecturer and failing miserably. I watched the girl in the row in front of me order a cute sweater, deliberating between two colours for about ten minutes before choosing strawberry pink. I approved.

My body was screaming from being bent over the desk in my boredom, back bent so crooked when I straightened out it cracked vertebra after vertebra like a xylophone from nightmares. I sighed, squirmed around, checked the time. Only 5 minutes have passed since I last looked. I barely suppressed a groan. I couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute, leaning back then pressing forward, folding and unfolding my legs, just trying to find a comfortable position to spend the next 40 minutes in and failing.

After 5 more minutes I reached a boiling point, playing with the thought of just booking it halfway through, but instead my unoccupied brain started entertaining itself by slipping into a territory that it deemed more fun. I started thinking about what I’d rather be doing, where I’d rather be, flushing slightly from embarrassment but surrendering to these thoughts as they presented at least some form of entertainment.

I made it barely 10 minutes before I was so painfully wet and aroused I definitely couldn’t make it through the lecture anymore. I had to do something about it, now.

I wasn’t shy about the fact that I occasionally enjoyed wanking in some more public spaces like bathrooms, the thrill of someone possibly coming in and having to keep quiet was getting to me. I didn’t indulge in it often, just when I got really bored and my brain immediately went to “let’s get off to entertain ourselves” instead of doing something normal like other people, just when I was sure there was only a slight chance of someone actually coming across me.

But thinking all that, I realised I’d never taken such liberty while I was in the uni building, probably just thinking about getting out of there as quickly as possible, but fuck, this lecture was getting to me. Somehow it felt more morally wrong than some other random ass places, but I deliberated on it. We were in a secluded corner of the building, it was really high and there was no elevator, the classrooms were smaller and above there was construction going on, which resulted in this place usually being totally deserted except for those unlucky souls that still had lectures here. I was pretty sure there was no other class going on here right now and the chance of someone from here going to the bathroom at the same time was slim.

On a whim I decided to take the risk, my body heating up knowing I was about to give in to the need. I quickly stood up, grabbed my phone and made my way outside. The hall was empty except for a single guy sitting by a table directly across from the bathroom door, but I figured it would be fine. He was wearing headphones anyway, head bobbing to a beat I couldn’t hear and fingers nimbly clicking something on his laptop and toying with the mouse. I slipped past him quietly and went straight for the bathroom door.

Inside was quiet, as if cut off from the outside world, the only two toilets both empty and door wide open. I went to the further one, not that it made much difference with how small the room was, but it still made me feel a little better.

With the door closed and locked for better feeling of security, the excitement finally got the better of me and I rushed to stick my hand into my skirt to pull down my tights and panties, fingers immediately finding the slick folds.

I bent over, the stall small enough to allow me to lean on my elbow on one wall while my ass pressed into the other, fingers going straight for my clit and wasting no time in pressing on it and circling it desperately. Quiet sighs of pleasure spilled from my lips, body trembling with pleasure heightened by the fact I was in a public space.

I barely even touched myself and I could already feel how fucked out I was getting, knees shaking and the pleasure mounting dangerously fast. In my mind I imagined myself bent over the toilet and a warm presence behind me, getting fucked good, strong hands gripping my waist hard, pulling me back on the cock like a toy while telling me to shut up, laughing at me while I bit my fist trying not to let the whole university know how good I was feeling.

My orgasm was approaching embarrassingly quickly, the pad of my finger furiously toying with my clit while my knees were shaking with the mounting pressure waiting to snap. I was so wet I felt my juices dripping down my thighs, dripping onto my hand and making my finger slip all the time as I tried to get myself to cum as fast as possible.

That didn’t seem to be that hard as I could already feel myself hurling towards the edge, cunt spasming around nothing, desperately wishing to be filled, as my ass pressed harder into the wall and my back arched. I could feel a little cramp starting up in my wrist, but I didn’t let up, keeping the pace on my clit as I felt the start of an intense orgasm, the sensation bursting through me like a tornado and I let out a moan muffled into the crook of my elbow. My knees buckled with the force of it and thank god that I was still leaning on the wall otherwise I would have for sure fallen down.

My whole body relaxed, thighs and knees still shaking as I tried to get my breathing back under control. The bathroom was suddenly eerily quiet now that there wasn’t blood rushing through my ears and I wasn’t blinded by my own ecstasy, and I flushed in embarrassment but still couldn’t stop myself from a little joyful giggle leaving my lips in breathless wonder.

I took my time getting myself back into order, cleaning myself up and righting my clothes again. I was in there for only about 15 minutes, so there was no reason to rush. I did notice that my legs had a little boneless swagger to them as I suddenly went from high strung in boredom to perhaps a little too relaxed, a stupid little grin pulling at my lips as I swayed my hips leisurely.

But that changed the moment I walked back out onto the hall. The second I was out of the bathroom I immediately found myself in direct eye contact with the sole student sitting out there. I only had a second to note he was very attractive before I realised he was watching me with the air of amusement, eyes darkening and a smirk forming on his lips as he leaned back and gave me a once over.

I flushed under his heavy gaze, freezing like a deer in headlights. It was obvious he knew what I’d been doing in there, something in my demeanour must have given me away. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his eyes lingering on my hands clutched together before amused grin set onto his face.

I broke out from the daze suddenly and set into motion again, escaping his hungry eyes and entertained aura, hurriedly scurrying back into the classroom where I sat stewing in my own shame for the rest of the lecture.

When I walked back out after we were dismissed, the hall was empty, to my great relief.

“Come on, you should come tomorrow at least for a little bit,” Jungkook whined, pouting at me and hands tugging at the sleeve of my shirt. I gave him an unimpressed look, firmly resistant to his charms, which probably made me the only person in the world that was capable of that.

“I told you Kookie, I’m not feeling it this week,” I said for the fifteenth time that day, “Maybe next time.” The dance major cutely stomped his foot and tugged on my sleeve again. His wild hair flailed around with the wind, probably getting into his eyes, but he ignored it in favour of annoying me.

“But the next party won’t be for god knows how long,” he whined, giving me his ultimate puppy eyes and blinking cutely, “Come on Y/N, you need to let go a little.” Now, I would lie if I wasn’t swayed a little bit, but the exhaustion was weighing on me and I was looking forward to just having a quiet evening in ignoring all of my responsibilities and pretending I have no essays due and there aren’t any deadlines I was missing.

“I’m sorry Kook,” I softened my tone a little to convey I truly was apologetic, smiling at him gently, “I promise I will definitely go to the next party.” The man brightened and straightened out, letting go of me and setting out on the sidewalk leading out of the campus.

“I have your word! No takebacks!” he shouted excitedly and I ran after him laughing. I knew he wouldn’t let me forget it, so I just resigned myself to going to the next party even though I quite disliked them. I had nothing against partying, but I just preferred to go clubbing and dancing, not spend my evening sitting on a stained couch in someone’s living room listening to total strangers get zoinked out of their minds and talk about assignments. But I would go for Kookie. Just once though.

We walked side by side for a moment, just enjoying the awakening spring. It was still pretty cold outside, but the sun shone more often and the temperatures were enough to wear just a light jacket instead of coats with shawls, so I soaked in the atmosphere. People were beginning to filter outside, sitting around on the green grass, talking and studying, and it was nice to see.

Looking around I suddenly froze, standing still in the middle of the path while Kook continued for a few more strides before he realised I wasn’t following. He gave me a confused look, but I was already fighting an embarrassed blush and didn’t pay him much mind.

On the grass by a big tree was quite a familiar looking student, his long wavy dark hair similarly pushed around by the wind as he bobbed his head to music presumably playing in his headphones. He was wearing all black, standing out as a sore thumb in contrast with the green lit up by sun, but he was fully engrossed in his laptop and paid no attention to anything going on around him.

“Hey Kookie,” I called out to my friend, finally looking at him, “Do you know who that guy is?” I discreetly pointed in the man’s direction, hoping I wouldn’t draw anybody’s attention by being a fucking weirdo. Jungkook was a social butterfly despite his shyness and he seemed to know half the university (probably a side effect of hanging out with Jimin all the time), even people from majors that had nothing in common with his, so I was pretty confident he would be able to correctly identify the menace of my life.

“Who?” he started confusedly looking around, eyes jumping around the students just living their lives. I tried pointing again, hoping he would see where I meant without having to outstretch my arm fully. “There, that guy in the black sitting under that tree.”

Jungkook’s eyes finally locked onto his figure and a recognition immediately lit up his face. I chuckled. Of course he did know him.

“Oh sure!” he exclaimed, “that’s Yoongi hyung. He’s a little bit university famous.” I looked at him in shock and then glanced back to the expressionless man sitting on the lawn.

“Famous? Famous how?” I pressed for more info, this time it was me who way playing up the cute act, hanging onto Jungkook’s arm and batting my eyelashes at him. He gave me an amused smile, seeing right through me.

“Well, he’s handsome and yet cool and mysterious, girls love that shit,” Kook played it up, flipping his hair sassily and fluttering his lashes, making me scoff at him amusedly, “Plus he’s a rapper and sometimes performs in the local clubs and bars, so he’s pretty popular.” I turned us away from the black-clad student who was still unaware of anything going on around him and pulled us back onto the path.

“I see,” I hummed noncommittally, not giving him any indication of why I would suddenly ask about Yoongi, but based on the amused looks Kookie was giving me, he must have had an inkling why the sudden interest.

“He’s actually in the same year as Joonie hyung, they’re interning together at the same studio,” Jungkook continued, keeping his eyes on me to gauge my reaction. I hummed again, not saying anything anymore and just sending him teasing looks.

“If you come to the party tomorrow, Yoongi’s for sure gonna be there,” Kookie mentioned seemingly casually, watching me out of the corner of his eyes as he pretended he didn’t care mischievously.

I only shot him a glare and pulled on his arm, leading us out of the campus towards the café where we were supposed to meet Jimin and Tae, Kookie’s friends who graciously adopted me into the group after I got befriended by the shy giant.

For the rest of the afternoon I could feel Jungkook’s eyes on me, his lips pulled into a barely concealed smile as he fought the impulse to tease me in front of the boys about what he must have thought was an embarrassing crush on the school’s resident heartthrob. I ostentatiously ignored him, only shooting him warning glares here and there to which he always responded with shit-eating grins. Jimin and Tae kept giving us confused and entertained glances but ultimately decided against asking what was going on, much to my relief.

God, if they only knew the truth about why Yoongi even was on my radar in the first place.

The next Tuesday I walked into the classroom again, fully determined to sit through the whole lecture and not move even an inch from my seat. This time I chose a chair in the back, where I could comfortably be on my phone and distract myself from the thoughts of last week, from the attractive man and his smirks. I wondered whether he was sitting there again today, listening to what I now assumed was his own music, laid-back and effortlessly hot. I began to squirm in my seat again, but I quickly tempered it down, scolding myself gently for having such a one-track mind.

Once again I made it through an hour and with 30 minutes left, I began to face a crisis. The boredom was getting to me and I needed to use the toilet, my bladder screaming for help and making me shift around on my chair in discomfort. I thought that I couldn’t really face the bathroom without getting extremely embarrassed, but in the end I lost the battle to nature and got up.

Only, stepping onto the hall, I looked up and lo and behold, there he was – Yoongi sitting peacefully by the window and clicking away on his computer, his big black headphones firmly on as always. The movement by the door must have registered at the corner of his field of vision and he eagerly looked up.

The moment his eyes laid on my figure, frozen once again in the hallway and heating up under his stare, he smirked widely like he won the lottery, leaning back and making himself comfortable on the chair. With his gaze following my every movement I hurried into the bathroom, cheeks blushing and knees turning into jelly.

On instinct I went to the furthest stall and locked the door behind me shakily. Having taken care of my business I paced the stall nervously, already feeling myself bend under the tension. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again, knowing Yoongi was sitting outside fully aware of the nature of my little trip last week, but his demeanour, the winning smirk and dark eyes made me want to break that promise.

Embarrassingly enough, I could already feel myself getting wet again and I begun to lose the conviction to just walk away and go sit back into the classroom for another terrible 30 minutes. The thoughts of Yoongi waiting in the hallway, hungrily watching the bathroom door and thinking about me with my hand up my skirt were getting to me and I finally broke.

Swiftly pulling down my tights and underwear I didn’t waste anymore time in sticking my fingers between my folds, gathering the wetness and rubbing the swollen bud begging for attention. I couldn’t hold back the little sighs and moans of pleasure, my body hyper-sensitive and the lust coursing through my body more intense than I could remember ever feeling.

It didn’t take long before I was choking on the moans I desperately tried to stifle on my arm, knees shaking and close to buckling and pussy clenching on nothing, feeling so empty and so desperate for anything I was losing my mind.

And if I was deliriously cumming on my fingers only a moment later while imagining Yoongi fucking me roughly in the uni bathroom, that was only my business.

With trembling fingers I quickly cleaned myself up, blushing when I realised I was so wet the whole top of my thighs was covered in my sticky juices. Putting myself back together I rushed to scrub my hands clean and soon I was standing behind the door, taking a few deep breaths but the excitement still getting the better of me and I eagerly walked out, expectantly looking for Yoongi’s reaction with a little sly smile on my face.

And I was not disappointed.

The second I stepped out, his head snapped in my direction, confirming that he really was waiting for me to come out. His cheeks were also lightly dusted with pink from excitement, his eyes as dark as midnight with his pupils blown wide with lust. He immediately licked his lips, eyes raking over my form and taking in the shaky knees and trembling hips, the blush on my face, both from recovering from an orgasm and shyness, hair a mess and lips bitten red.

Yoongi suddenly stood up and I realised that he packed up his laptop and headphones, all his stuff probably stuffed into his neat backpack that hung off of his shoulder. He side-stepped from the table and leisurely made his way towards me, black dress pants nicely hugging his form, white tee tucked into them accentuating his slim waist and a thick black oversized shirt hanging off him in a way that made me slightly feral.

But there was something else he wanted me to see, and I clocked it as soon as he got close enough, cheeks absolutely blazing red and my pussy valiantly clenching again even after such an orgasm.

He was hard. When my eyes slid down again to appreciate how the pants fit him so perfectly they landed on an unmistakable bulge, the front of his pants tenting in a tell-tale sign of how much he enjoyed my little show. I gasped and suddenly all confidence sapped from my body and I was left aroused and aching, willing to do anything. He watched me with a mix of condescension and arousal, knowing how easily he won over me and loving how receptive I was to just a light teasing, how the blush spread down to my collarbones and my mouth opened subconsciously, eyes glazing over and brain no doubt filled only with the thoughts of his cock.

But with an arrogant smirk he passed right by me, heading for the door of the men’s bathroom. Only when he was halfway through the door, he threw me a look over his shoulder, winking at me and his grin turned wild and rough. Then he disappeared inside.

I was left in the hall gasping for air, body ravaged by tension and lust and head full of images of Yoongi standing in the bathroom stall and hurriedly yanking at his cock, the red tip wet with pre-cum, the liquid getting smeared all over his length by his eager hands trying to get himself to completion as fast as possible. I imagined him grunting, head thrown back and mouth open but still curled into that annoying smirk.

A door opened somewhere a little down the hall and a mess of voices flowed out, startling me out of my reverie and I realised I had been just standing in the middle of an empty hallway staring dumbly at the bathroom door. I felt the bashfulness catch up to me and it sprung me into movement. With one last look at the door I scurried back into the class and spent the last 15 minutes staring into the wall with flaming red cheeks.

When I walked out after the class ended, Yoongi was back to his place, sitting completely relaxed into his chair and grinning lazily when his eyes caught mine. I felt my whole body jerk with a bolt of lust, but I ducked my head and quickly ran down the stairs, rushing out of the building and towards the café where the boys were already waiting for me. Jungkook stared at my flustered face with an unreadable expression, and I let him think whatever he wanted, too preoccupied with fighting the image of Yoongi cumming all over himself just twenty minutes ago thinking of me masturbating just a wall over.

Later that week, after many orgasms, much deliberating and a whole lot of shame I decided I needed to hear his voice. I kept thinking back to how Jungkook mentioned he was in the same year and major as Namjoon and that he was a performing rapper, and I knew Namjoon put his stuff online. And if Yoongi really was a known name in the bar scene around the area, he must have too.

Asking Jungkook about his stage name would be too humiliating, so instead I decided to rake through Namjoon’s insta because he must have his friend’s account there somewhere, hoping Yoongi would forgive me a little social media stalking. Firstly I scrolled through Namjoon’s posted pictures, but he rarely tagged other people. Most of his pictures were of artworks or Joonie doing something silly and living his best life.

So I switched to the pictures that others tagged you in. It took a while, but I was able to see that most of them were from this guy Hoseok that I had seen around but haven’t really spoken to. I knew he was a double major because he did dance like Jungkook and Jimin, but I had never realised he was also in the same major and year as Namjoon. He seemed to post a lot from the studio, often with Joon hunched over his computer in the background, but after some digging I was able to find one that had them all in it.

It was also from the studio, it must have been the one the boys were interning in, presumably all of them together. Hoseok’s face was grinning in one corner as he was taking the selfie and even though it was dark, you could clearly see two men sitting at a table together and discussing something with serious looks on their faces. A laptop sat between them and one of them had his hand lying on the pause button. It was Yoongi and Joon. Only their side-profile could be seen in the photo, but it was unmistakably them. The description only said “hyung is scolding joonie again” but tapping on the photo it showed that both of them had been tagged. Bingo.

Yoongi’s account was full of mostly dark pictures, some from the same studio and some were of him on stage mid performance, but there weren’t as many as Namjoon and Hoseok had on theirs. I scanned some of them quickly, but even though he looked super hot and the photos were extremely well done, it wasn’t the reason of my searching.

I checked the name of the account again – it was Agust D. And there was a link in the bio. Without thinking I clicked it and was transported to Spotify, Yoongi’s entire career laid out clearly in front of my eyes in the form of three albums.

I spent the evening listening to them, letting his music wash over me and losing myself in the beat and the lyrics. No matter what I was looking for when I wanted to listen to it, I got everything and more. I suddenly understood all those star-struck students that according to Kookie trailed hopelessly after Yoongi, the man had a real talent and an aura that just sucked you right in, like a fly getting trapped in a very smug spider’s web.

His voice was surprisingly lower and rougher than I anticipated, the songs had no shortage of him growling or screaming, emotions pouring off of his voice in waves that just swept me along.

And I couldn’t wait to find out what he sounded like when he was getting his rocks off.

The next Tuesday I climbed those 4 floors of stairs confidently, wearing a short skirt and cute heels, gingerly picking a spot in the class that would allow me to slink off in the middle of the lecture again. Yoongi wasn’t sitting in the hallway yet, but I believed he’d show up soon enough.

The anticipation was coursing through my veins, making me jittery and giggly. From the corner of my eye I could see a classmate giving me a strange look, mouthing at me if I was okay and I nodded hurriedly, giving her a smile, hoping she wouldn’t pay any attention to me when I had to leave.

If the two lectures before were unbearable, this one took the cake. I could barely contain myself, squirming in my seat, trying to make myself comfortable while I checked the time every 2 minutes, wishing half the lecture had already gone by and always getting disappointed at how early it still was.

My mind was going into overdrive, feeding me ideas and fantasies, replaying last week’s encounter on loop. I couldn’t see anything except for Yoongi’s lopsided smirk planted firmly on his face as he made his way into the bathroom to jerk off, his face as he came thinking of me.

The minutes ticked by slowly, and I was absolutely losing my mind, thighs pressing together and hands tangled into the fabric of my skirt, bunching up the material. I made it 40 minutes before I grabbed my phone and sneaked out onto the hall.

Yoongi’s head shot up immediately, already sitting by the window waiting for something. This time I didn’t freeze up, instead I was the one who smirked at him and confidently walked up straight to the bathroom. He watched me raptly, something predatory glinting in his eyes as he leaned forward on the table. Couldn’t help but notice that today he didn’t have his laptop out, he just sat there and watched me, but I moved forward not giving it much thought.

I raised my eyebrow at him and winked right as I disappeared into the bathroom, the door falling shut behind me and sealing me inside in the calm and quietness. I rushed to the furthest stall, shutting the door behind me but not bothering to lock, too horny to think clearly.

I couldn’t believe this was getting to me so much, but the moment I managed to slide my tights low enough and ran my hand through my folds, I was already so wet it was astonishing. I laughed at myself in disbelief as my finger found my clit and circled it. Who would have thought this would become my weekly routine, jerking off in the bathroom while a guy I’ve never even talked to sat outside smirking.

But not today it turned out.

Just as pleasure began coursing through me at the ministrations, pleasured sighs leaving me freely as I got cocky not getting caught until now and the squelching of my wet pussy getting played with rang through the quiet space. Then, I heard the door open.

Immediately I froze, hand stopping but still stuck between my thighs. Slow silent footsteps made their way towards the stalls and I hoped whoever this person was, they would take care of their business quickly and leave right afterwards, but they seemed to be taking this in a really leisurely manner. I was holding my breath, counting the seconds, ears straining to catch any kind of sound coming from them.

“Don’t stop on my account, kitten,” a gruff voice suddenly piped up, the footsteps stopping right outside my stall. Relief and lust rushed through me at his appearance and I couldn’t hold back a desperate whimper, the fingers on my clit going back to work. There was a chuckle behind the door and then he was pushing it open.

I must have been a sight, underwear and tights pushed under my ass, skirt bunched up around my hips, bent over with my back arched leaning on the wall as I desperately played with myself, mouth open and eyes glazed over.

Yoongi’s eyes raked over me and he hummed lowly in appreciation. He made his way in lazily, shutting and locking the door behind him before leaning on it and just watching for a moment. I tried to put on a show for him but I was truly gone, the three weeks of built up arousal carrying me high and my body racing towards the edge in record speed.

I watched him back, watched his dark hungry eyes, his tongue peeking out to wet his upper lip, the way his hands flexed by his hips, twitching with the need to grab himself. I could see his bulge clearly, the tight black jeans barely able to contain it, and I was going crazy for it. When my eyes jumped back to Yoongi’s face, he was smirking at me knowing where I’d been staring at. What I wanted.

Suddenly he pushed himself away from the door and stepped towards me. Startled I straightened out, fingers stopping once more. He descended on me hurriedly, pushing me into the wall with his body, caging me in. Our faces were suddenly only breaths apart and Yoongi took his sweet time, teasing me by getting closer and pulling away with a laugh. I whined, my clean hand coming up to tangle in his hair and he let me, watching me from above as I writhed against him, wordlessly begging for any touch from him.

Finally, he took pity on me and with a cocky grin smashed our mouths together, immediately prying my lips open and licking inside, claiming me roughly and thoroughly. I moaned into him, body arching into his and he pressed closer, pressing me into the wall again and our bodies touched from our heads to our toes. His hand went to my neck, wrapping around it lightly and grabbing my jaw to keep me still as he kissed me with all his might.

Now with both hands I grabbed onto him, one going around his neck and one around the waist, and he broke the kiss to laugh at me quietly, turning my face with his hand so he could kiss around my ear.

“You’re such a little tease, you know that kitten?” he whispered, voice gravelly with arousal, “Coming in here every week… playing with your pussy… making yourself cum… and then coming out and giving me those eyes, cheeks still flushed from your orgasm and yet playing so coy and shy… you’re such a minx.” I tensed, eyes rolling back as he started nipping at my neck, laying wet kisses and bites all over any skin he could get to.

I didn’t even notice when Yoongi’s other hand found its way between my legs, fingers roughly pressing onto my clit. I choked on a moan, head falling back and hitting the tiled wall, hands flexing into his clothes. He bit my shoulder enough to leave a mark, chuckling at my loud keening before pressing his lips to the shell of my ear again.

“Last week I thought I would go crazy sitting there,” Yoongi continued, almost growling into my skin as his fingers twisted meanly around my sensitive nub making me tremble, “I couldn’t focus on anything, not when I knew how much you wanted to give me a show. Almost went to jerk off at least five times but I held off until you came out to repay the favour.” He chuckled again, hand tightening a little on my neck as he leaned back to look at me.

I tried to get my breathing under control but I was stuck with my mouth hanging open, noises flowing out freely as if this wasn’t a public bathroom. Yoongi didn’t seem to mind though, quite happy to watch me come undone just from a little teasing.

“It was the same for me,” I whispered, looking into his eyes and this time playing coy very much on purpose, licking my lips and batting my lashes to play it up, “Had to sit through the rest of the lecture while thinking about you in here. Was hell.” He snickered darkly, immediately catching onto my act.

He hummed, finger dragging across my lower lip, fascinated for a moment before he snapped back to himself, mouth pulling back into a smirk.

Without a warning his other hand moved lower, fingers tracing my entrance before two of them plunged inside. I moaned out, body seizing up at the sensation. I was wet enough that they went easy but there was still the pleasurable sting of being stretched out on two digits.

Yoongi certainly wasn’t the type to waste time. He hummed satisfied, watching me with those dark eyes, testing the waters with a few shallow pumps before he started finger-fucking me earnestly. Just like everything else, even now he wasn’t gentle, flicking his wrist up and pushing his fingers as far as they could go, curling them to scratch at that one magic spot that had me seeing white.

I whimpered loudly, hips gyrating to ride the motions, already feeling the stirrings of a powerful orgasm lurking on the horizon. Like a shark sensing blood Yoongi chuckled and twisted his fingers on the next thrust. I keened, hands flying up to tangle into his clothes and hair, hips jerking and chasing after the feeling.

“So selfish, kitten,” he tsked at me, still keeping his cool even though I could see his erection attempting to burst through his pants, “only thinking about your own pleasure. No respect for others, huh?”

My first instinct was to apologise, but I got choked up on the words when he started up his pace again, so instead I decided to be a woman of action. Slowly trailing my hand down his torso, feeling him up on the way, grabbing onto his chest, his slim waist, until I finally reached his crotch.

With the first touch he let out a light groan, fingers stuttering and eyes falling shut for a moment, then he was suddenly back onto me, kissing me wildly while his hips fucked into my hand, letting out gruff groans and sighs into my mouth, which I accepted gladly.

For a moment we were just lost in each other, not caring about the noise or the place, just pleasuring each other, touching, feeling. Then Yoongi was tearing away, hand flying from my pussy and stepping back. I couldn’t stop the pathetic whine that left me, and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment at his amused face.

Instead he grabbed me and turned me around until I was leaning on my arms on the wall behind the toilet, one leg up on the closed lid for support. I shivered in anticipation, knowing what would come next. Yoongi was moving about behind me, clothes shuffling and rustling. Then his sweater hit the floor. I turned my head to watch just as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a silver packet. He grinned at me and winked when catching my eye, then reached out to me, condom in hand.

“Can you hold this for me for a second, darling?” he asked as sweet as honey, but there was something devilish twinkling in his eye.

“Of course,” I answered him. I meant for it to be sassy, but it came out on a breathless whisper as I took the packet and watched Yoongi’s hand run through his hair before setting on his belt. He unbuckled slowly, attentively watching my eyes soaking in every second as he pulled the belt through the buckle and out of his pants. Fingers toyed with the button before popping it open, tongue wetting his lips and hungry eyes eating me up. I trembled under his attention but held still, not even breathing as his fingers grasped at the zipper and pulled it down.

Tired of playing, he pulled his tee out and put the hem between his teeth, revealing his taunt stomach and pretty waist. Winking at my obvious gawking, he finally pulled his jeans and underwear down, his erection springing free. The sight of him shocked me to my core, standing there with his t-shirt in his mouth and a smug glint his eye while he leisurely fisted his flushed red cock. I could feel my pussy gushing and clenching around nothing, desperately calling to be filled up.

Yoongi plucked the condom packet from my limp hand and made a quick work of putting it on. He lined up behind me, hands finding my waist to pull my tee from the skirt, making contact with bare skin.

I gasped when I felt his cock slide through my wet folds, but quickly keened and arched into it. One of Yoongi’s hands tightened on my waist while the other disappeared to grab his length.

“Easy now,” he chuckled at my trembling body, my hips chasing after his cock and trying to entice him into fucking me.

“Please,” was all I could get out of my mouth, “please Yoongi, just fuck me.” His hand tightened again and there was a beat of silence before he snickered.

“So you naughty girl do know my name,” he teased and I froze for a moment, embarrassment flooding me. I turned to him again to see him smirking at me, tee hanging off of his form. “I heard it around,” I whispered sheepishly. He hummed, raising his eyebrows at me.

“Not really fair, is it?” he teased some more, a mischievous expression taking over his face, “Is it, Y/N?” I narrowed my eyes at him jokingly and he grinned.

“Now, what’s your excuse, mister?” I asked him sassily, “Not like I’m a campus celebrity… unlike someone here.”

“May or may not have asked Jungkook cause I saw you two hanging out,” Yoongi admitted easily, laughing at me when I paled.

“God,” I groaned, “No wonder he was getting so cheeky whenever you came up in a conversation.” At that Yoongi raised his eyebrow again, amusement dancing on his features.

“That happen often?” he asked impishly, leaning against me and once again letting me feel his cock sliding through my folds. I gasped a little and blushed even darker. “You’re Namjoon’s friend, so occasionally,” I bold-faced lied straight through my teeth and from the look on Yoongi’s face, he was aware but let me get away with it.

There was a moment of silence where we just stared at each other, mischievous little smiles on our faces, and then Yoongi hummed, pulling his tee back up to his lips and biting down on it. I shuddered, the lust once again taking the fore-front seat in my mind. This time he didn’t stop for anything, grabbing himself with one hand and the other going to my waist to hold me in place.

The tip of his cock circled my entrance and I subconsciously clenched, a gush of wetness leaving me. I whined and wriggled in his hold and he tsked at me again before sliding inside in a single thrust with a light condescending giggle. I groaned, pussy immediately squeezing around the intrusion, feeling every inch and ridge. There was a hitch in Yoongi’s breaths, both hands migrating to my waist and grabbing so tightly I felt his nails digging into my skin.

He barely gave me a second before pulling out and thrusting in again, setting a rough pace from the get-go. All I could do was bury my head into the crook of my elbow, biting into the soft flesh there to keep myself from moaning loud enough for the whole school to hear.

The stretch of his cock was exquisite, the slight burn heating up my already sensitive body to a near boiling point. With every thrust there was a tiny twinge of pain that left me breathless, desperate to muffle any noise that could cut our meeting short.

Yoongi didn’t seem to care much about noise, hands on my waist mercilessly pulling me back onto his cock and fucking me with so much force I felt my whole body twitching with the overdrive of sensation, the slapping of our sweaty bodies against each other and the wet squelch of my weeping pussy getting filled to the brim loud enough to substitute for our own sounds. He was grunting gruffly, the noise seemingly leaving his mouth involuntarily and getting muffled by the tee.

I turned my head slightly to look at him, and god, he was a vision with his head thrown back, eyes squeezed shut and face the picture of ecstasy, body rippling with the motion of his pumping hips and strong veiny arms and hands gripping onto me hard enough to go red with the force. I couldn’t hold back the moan and he toppled his head forward to look at me, a tired self-satisfied smirk tugging at his lips at seeing my fucked out expression.

“Take your fucking shirt off,” I gasped out breathlessly, chuckling at his teasingly narrowed eyes, “You have such a dirty fucking mouth, can’t stand for it being shut.” Yoongi laughed, throwing his head back in delight. Within seconds the piece of fabric joined his sweater on the floor and he leaned forward, hands picking on my own shirt with a mischievous expression.

“Shouldn’t you even the score?” I loved how deep and gravelly his voice became with arousal, even when he was being mischievous I could hear the growl in it and it drove me crazy. I scrambled to listen to him, tearing the shirt off and flinging it behind us. Yoongi’s hands immediately travelled up, playing with the edge of my bra before swiftly undoing the clasp and dragging it off. I gasped lightly at his skilled handiwork and giggled, but Yoongi was already preoccupied with kissing along my shoulders and shoulder blades.

His hips angled better and then jerked them into me again, cock sliding even deeper now. I groaned and arched into him and that was his que to start fucking in earnest again. In this position I could hear the strained sighs and grunts every time he slid back inside, the rough deep pace taking a toll on us both.

The back of my thighs was burning from standing bent over and straining my hips for this long and it added to the mix of feelings running through me. I could feel my orgasm catching up with me, Yoongi’s cock now hitting a spot on every thrust that made me want to scream with pleasure, sliding in so deep I swore I could feel him in my belly and it was so good my head was spinning, and all that came out of me were raspy moans. Yoongi bit into my shoulder, grunts raising in octave, hands pulling at my body to meet his thrusts.

I prayed to god that the walls were thick enough to keep the sounds from escaping onto the hall. I knew that if someone stepped inside now, there would be no masking what was going on, we were both too gone for that, just chasing our pleasure.

I was so close, the weeks of build up and the foreplay and teasing making me delirious. There in that moment I just wished I could stay like this forever, to feel this delicious ecstasy for the rest of my life, but I was so close to snapping I just needed a little extra push even though my head was so high in the clouds wishing to be never brought down.

“Please Yoongi, god,” I choked out, “please, I’m so close.” That seemed to snap Yoongi back into his attitude again, but he couldn’t hide how affected he was too.

“What do you want, kitten, mm?” even he couldn’t talk properly through the gasps and grunts, but still tried to sound as cocky as possible. Instead of talking I grabbed his hand and brought it down between my legs.

Yoongi pressed himself to me closer to make the reach more comfortable, his chest glued to my back as he nibbled on my neck and shoulder, giggling breathlessly when his naughty fingers started drawing tight quick circles on my clit.

My moans got louder, the pumping of his cock, hitting so deep inside of me, combined with the stimulation on my clit made me seize up, whole body shaking as the pleasure overtook me. Yoongi groaned every time my pussy clenched around him, drawing him deeper and closer to his own end. Both of us were so sweaty we stuck to each other, the temperature in the stall rising so high it was almost unbearable.

“Yoongi,” I gasped out, just repeating his name breathlessly as I barrelled to the climax, feeling the beginning of the tingling washing over me, pussy seizing up. Yoongi’s hands were like vice on my body, my waist littered with red indents of his nails, some already purpling slightly.

“I know, kitten,” he whispered into my neck, “Me too, you can let go.” The moment those words left his mouth my orgasm exploded over me, enough to blind me and send my ears ringing for a few moments. I let out a raspy groan, hands scrambling to find purchase on the wall and if it wasn’t for Yoongi’s hold on me, my buckling knees would have sent me crashing to the floor, but all I could focus on was the euphoria blooming through my body, flooding all my senses with so much pleasure I could barely fully register anything that was going on. Yoongi fucked me through the peak, hips losing rhythm and all decorum until finally he gave last few hard pumps and stilled too, coming with a drawn-out moan, hands pushing our hips as close together as they could go.

We clung onto each other as we attempted to catch our breaths again. I felt my arms slipping on the tiles as the pleasant ache started setting into my hips and lower tummy, legs screaming for a reprieve as my brain slowly came back into function. I blinked my eyes open, not even realising I had closed them at some point. Yoongi was basically hugging me from the behind, draped over me just breathing deep, faced smushed into my shoulder blade. Then he chuckled.

“You think we’re still in the clear?” he laughed, “How thick do you think these walls are?” A giggle tumbled out of me and before I knew it we were both laughing breathlessly, bodies still pressed close.

“This is officially the craziest thing I’ve ever done,” I told him, shaky knees trying to keep my weight as I started to gather my wits. Yoongi let me go easily and helped me find my balance as my whole body ached, back killing me after Yoongi railed me like a madman.

“And here I was, thinking this was just regular Tuesday for you.”

I slapped his shoulder lightly, but the blush on my cheeks revealed that I couldn’t really say anything to that. His amused snickers told me he was well aware, so I just stood there and watched him slip the condom off, tie it up and then just awkwardly stand there not knowing what to do with it.

“Guess I can’t just casually drop a used condom into a bin in the girl’s bathroom,” he stated nonchalantly, and I giggled at him. In the end he grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and hid it inside, putting in on the closed bin lid for the moment.

Next Yoongi swiftly cleaned himself up and pulled his jeans back on, but when I reached for the paper to do the same, he swatted my hand away. With a much gentler smile he got it himself, kneeled in front of me and started cleaning me up, gently wiping away the mess left on my centre and thighs. I watched him attentively, the soft look on his face making him look boyish, only the naughty glint in his eyes reminiscent of the man he was just a few minutes ago.

When our eyes met, I returned the smile, hand instinctively going to tangle into his hair. I meant to just card it through the dark wavy locks, but the heated look he gave me had me shuddering again, fingers tightening. Yoongi smirked, tongue licking at his lips sensually just inches away from my exposed pussy.

“Still thinking about naughty things, kitten?” he said, voice dark and deep, “Like the sight of me on my knees for you?” I hesitated for a moment before untangling my hand and gently pushing him with a blush.

“I see,” Yoongi hummed thoughtfully, “maybe next time then.” With a wink he stood up and when I didn’t move he motioned for me to start dressing up with a smirk, handing me my bra and t-shirt. We slowly clambered out of the stall, stretching and trying to get all the body parts to working order again.

“How about,” Yoongi drawled out, self-assured and with the attitude of someone who just got their rocks off, “you ditch the lecture you never really go to anyway and we grab something to eat?” I stopped in my tracks, shocked but pleasantly surprised at his offer. I checked the time quickly.

“There’s only like 10 minutes of class left, I can sit that out and then we can go,” I answered, smiling softly, but Yoongi smirked with all his might, something devilish glinting over his face. He leaned towards me, grabbing me lightly by my shoulders.

“Not looking like that, you can’t,” he whispered meanly and spun me around. The moment I laid my eyes on myself in the mirror, I gasped. Yoongi was standing behind me grinning like the devil admiring his handiwork. My neck was littered in little bites and spots ranging from dark pink across red all the way to purple. Yoongi let out a satisfied hum, almost sounding like a purr, his hands going across my waist to pull at the tee tucked into my skirt to reveal more reddish purplish bruises from his fingers.

I turned in his arms and slapped his shoulder lightly, completely flustered by his antics. “How can I walk out of here now? Everyone will know what I’d been doing instead of sitting at the lecture,” I whined, more embarrassed than angry, but Yoongi’s laughing face was totally free of any remorse, “I look like someone beat me up.”

The man said nothing, just pulled me closer to kiss me gently. I looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before I whined again: “I don’t even have a scarf with me today.” He burst out laughing and patted my hip softly.

“I’ll get your stuff, you wait here,” he whispered conspiratorially and with one last wink he was gone. It took him only three minutes to stick his head back into the bathroom, looking a little ruffled and a lot amused.

“I suggest we get going fast, I’m afraid a guy leaving the ladies restroom isn’t as inconspicuous as I wished it was,” he got out quickly, smirking impishly and handing me my coat. I tried to wear it in a way that covered most of the marks, but it was futile, more than half of my neck still on full display.

I walked out of the bathroom the same moment the door to my classroom opened and students started filing out. Yoongi exchanged a single glance with me before we both took off, running down the stairs like we were being chased, only stopping once the building doors slammed shut behind us.

“Jimin’s café?” Yoongi asked breathlessly, still trying to get his strength back and leaning on his knees. I grinned at him and grabbed his hand, already pulling him in the right direction.

“Sure, let’s go!”

Bonus:

“Holy shit! The fuck happened to you?” Jimin exclaimed loudly enough for the whole café to hear the moment he saw me walk through the door. Jungkook and Tae, who were sitting at a small table near the counter to keep Jimin company while he had his shift, turned to look at me only for Kookie to promptly spit out whatever he was drinking.

“Holy shit!” I gave him an unimpressed look and walked up to Jimin to order.

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?” I side-eyed him sassily, but Jungkook was grinning mischievously, a knowing glint in his eye. I flushed under his gaze and looked away at which he started laughing loudly.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you actually did it,” he giggled, properly entertained by the situation and by my embarrassment. Tae was watching it all unfold, confused look on his face.

“Did what?” Jimin asked, similarly confused.

As if on cue the door opened again and Yoongi stepped in, ignoring everyone currently staring at him and walking straight to me, arm curling around my waist to pull me closer to him. He bent down slightly to whisper in my ear: “Got rid of the evidence successfully.”

“Holy shit!” This time it was Tae who screamed, coming full circle. I gave their smug smiling faces an annoyed glare and turned to Jimin to order again, but he was trying to conceal his grin behind his hand. Even more vexed I turned to Yoongi who was smirking smugly like a cat who got all the cream, hand possessively squeezing at my bruised waist.

“On second thoughts, we shouldn’t have come here,” I said to no one in particular, then turning my narrowed eyes at the man of the hour himself, “and wipe that smirk off your face, mister.” There were giggles from the boys all around us, but Yoongi just swooped down and kissed me softly, then pushed us closer towards the counter.

Jimin cleared his throat and tried to put on a professional expression, but there was mirth in his eyes that I just knew I was going to get all the teasing later. Tae and Kookie cleared out the mess at the table and made space for us to sit down, one looking more amused than the other.

I gave them both the stink eye and ignored them, checking my phone instead, trying to reply to all the messages I’ve missed in the last hour. Around me there was silence, everyone just sitting there looking at each other grinning, before Jungkook cleaned his throat and exclaimed:

“God, fucking finally! Thought Yoongi-hyung was gonna talk my ear off about you!”

“Kookie!” There was a pretty blush spreading on Yoongi’s cheeks, a polar opposite to the cocksure man that was railing my brains out 20 minutes ago. I giggled and squeezed his arm. He gave in easily, leaning towards me.

Then he set his eyes on Jungkook and narrowed them teasingly. “We’re gonna settle that later you brat.”

#kpop fic #kpop smut #kpop fluff #bts fic #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x reader #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #yoongi x reader #suga fic #yoongi fic #suga smut #suga fluff #suga x reader

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soleminisanction · 8 months

Text

Okay this misconception keeps coming across my dash and it drives me nuts because it means people are lumping two very different versions of the DC universe under one disparaging banner. So let me just say this to get it off my chest because I'm this close to shaking somebody:

The New 52 ended seven years ago in 2016.

That started a section of DC's history called "Rebirth" in which they started bringing elements of the pre-Flashpoint continuity back into the timeline. The first changes came in a big burst called Convergence -- which is how Jon Kent effectively manifested fully formed at 10 years old -- while other reintroductions like Kon-El, Bart Allen, Cass Cain, etc. were more gradual.

The original plan, being forced through by King of Bad Decisions Dan Didio, was that after ~4-5 Rebirth would give way to another full reboot known as 5G. I could go into detail about the plans but they're honestly not important to this post because Didio was (thankfully, finally) ousted from his role as publisher early in 2020, along with something like 80% of the higher-level editorial staff. DC had a complete creative turn-over at the start of the pandemic and completely changed directions as a result. The material being developed for 5G was retooled into the hypothetical future event "Future State" to buy the new staff time to pull together their new direction.

That new direction is called INFINITE FRONTIER. It started in 2021 and THAT is the era of DC comics we're in now. Infinite Frontier is an active push to bring back the pre-Flashpoint characters, as well as some pre-Crisis ideas and characters, while also keeping the few elements of the New 52 that people actually liked (like Jason Todd's more heroic characterization) and actively pursuing diversity initiatives both in creative staff and in creations. And outside of the big events, they're making a real effort to keep these comics short and self contained in the hopes that that'll make them more accessible. So it's actually really easy, if you read comics pre-Flashpoint and dropped off, to just pick up a series and go with the flow. Anything confusing is just a Google away.

Please, please don't make the mistake of thinking modern comics are as bad as the New 52 just because some people are butthurt their ship isn't getting canonized. There have been some really good comics made in the last few years that you should totally try! Spirit World, Monkey Prince and the entire We Are Legends line has been genuinely fantastic. The new Birds of Prey is shaping up to be a ton of fun. Dark Knights of Steel is an entertaining Elseworld. Urban Legends and Brave & the Bold have done some really fun things with shorter anthology books. One Minute War was a really fun Flash family event and everything Stargirl's done recently is liable to make you cry.

I'm begging people to give these comics a chance. It's just really sad to see them being dismissed out of hand.

#dc comics #batman #bat family #superman #wonder woman #superheroes #idk man #the way people talk about comics sometimes just makes me sad #i love comics #i usually want to talk about how good they are #and I only talk about the ones that are bad because I want them to be better #i just hate so much to see the really good comics getting published today #being lumped in with the mean spirited mess that was the New 52

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 15 days

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WIBTA if I tried to covertly exclude one of my friends from game nights ? 🎮🎧📞

tw: disordered eating, self harm

I've got a discord friend group of about 15 people though only 10 or so are regularly active and game nights often are usually around 6 people but they rotate who participates often. We're all in the 20s and mostly nonbinary / genderqueer / trans one way or another. I'm 25 ftm personally (they them) and the friend this is about in particular is 22mtf (she/they).

Friend is really excited to hit the 1 year marker in her transition and loves sharing how excited she is about her progress - how strangers at her job are gendering her correctly more and more often, how her cup sizes are growing, how much weight she's lost, wardrobe updates, getting to learn girl things from their very supportive mom, etc etc etc. It's all very exciting, I remember hitting my 1 year marker and i'm genuinely really happy for her.

The thing is I struggled with disordered eating in the past. Several others in our friend group have as well and it's something we've talked about both in related and unrelated convos to this issue. Friend keeps an excel spreadsheet with her measurements from bust to hips to weight and will update us frequently whether we've expressed interest in hearing the exact numbers or not. Exact Numbers was one of the things I kept track of and hearing her tracking them (for very different reasons) will often set me off and i'll start taking more and more unhealthy actions, falling back into disordered habits.

Friend has adhd and very poor impulse control. She often joins conversations and talks over people, completely changes conversational topics on a dime, or forgets who is in a call at any moment and brings up someone's triggers. She'll almost always apologize if someone mentions a social mistake she's made, but because the weight/food intake/number watching is so important to them as a way to track their transition it's the one thing that keeps coming back and back and back. I and the others have tried talking in voice calls, mentioning in text chats in the group and even DMing her but because of the topic and this group being the friend group she feels safest in (we were all the first to know and hyped them up on the hrt journey) these are some convos she only gets to have here

and because of the topic, i feel rude or embarrassed when I have to say "hey can we not talk about this right now or i'm gonna have to leave". So on most nights if it comes up I'll just deafen / go afk / just zone out entirely until the conversation has passed. If it doesn't seem like it's going to or they are so in depth that it's genuinely triggering a self harm response i'll fully leave instead so she can keep having her fun and get excited

Game nights are different though

I'm usually the host of game night and so can pick when we play our silly little games. Obviously people can and do still hangout and do things together Not on specific game nights, and we all do, but game nights are my thing. We play party games over discord or multiplayer competition games or lately have been getting into games like content warning and lethal company when there's 4 or sometimes 5 of us (either someone wants to hang out but only watch or we rotate around who plays round by round)

Friend is often working in the evenings and so bc this is an online friend group they don't actually know my work schedule. We usually only have about half the total number of participants be around for game night anyways, so I've been thinking of occasionally lining up game nights for nights when she's mentioned being busy by saying i work the other nights - but only sometimes. I do really like friend. She can be so much fun to hang out with, excitingly competitive and with interesting knowledge to share and generally a good sport no matter the actual game we're playing. But sometimes the worry about the triggering and the trigginering itself are too much. sometimes i just can't handle when she does it and knowing i can't leave and asking her to stop expressing her joy makes me feel like an asshole anyways so i don't want to be around it.

To be clear. I do not think they are an asshole. Friend is genuinely one of my friends. I like her and hanging out with her. they do not trigger me (or any of the others w this same trigger) maliciously. this is solely would I be the asshole.

TLDR: My friends way of tracking her transition sometimes triggers my eating disorder. would I be the asshole for planning game nights that I host and cannot leave / tune out conversations during so that she cannot attend as often in hopes that I am not triggered as often?

#aita #am i the asshole #eating disorder cw #self harm cw

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absolutebl · 2 months

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This Week in BL - The Industry is Having Issues But the Spice Spicy Must Flow

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) eps 1-2 of 10 - One of those "he's dead Jim so time travel" thingames starring MaxNat. I'm over this concept but I do enjoy MaxNat. Phupha (Gun) and Khram (Nat) love each other but Phupha is murdered. Then Khram is pulled to a parallel world where, years ago, Khram and Tai (Max) were in love. However, Khram was killed by Tai’s dad. Now Tai finds alter-Khram. But then there is ALSO an alter-Phupha to deal with. (Phupha is played by Gun Thanawat who was Khom, the repressed butler bodyguard from Unforgotten Night. We like this, but we scared of the love triangle aspect.) Did that make sense? Yeah, okay, see what I mean?

Initial thoughts?

The subs are troubling but I’m enjoying this show a lot. It’s nice to see MaxNat get something meaty to sink their teeth into - that’s not just each other. Also it’s so smart of them to give us a fully fleshed out entire episode developing the alter romance rather than just a separation + death. It makes Khram’s grief and motivation that much more believable. Also it’s really nice to see Nat have good chemistry with other actors.

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 3 of 8 (10?) - I'm still enjoying it. But Two Worlds is objectively better. So this one has lost ranking. Also, unexpectedly chili (the name of my heavy metal Thai cover band).

Lovey switchy and verse main couple too.

This is all quite pleasing.

The bit where the hosts pretend to be a BL couple actor ship was epic on so many levels.

Also unsettling.

All sex work is performative, and in a way there is something more honest about this depiction, in this setting, than what BL actors are made to do on the promo circuit. Which then begs the question, how different is BL from sex work? That's the unsettling bit, for me anyway. Not to slam on sex work AT ALL, we pro-the-true-pros on this damn blog, but actors have been shaded by association with True Professionals for a very long time and BL has already had one epic shut down in this regard. (See the PerthSaint scandal around Love By Chance, no I will not explain.) Where was I? Oh yes, so anyway, see the Gossip section for the part where they better be paid either way!

Also, since I'm a warped fucker, I found this scene funny.

And then hilarious when all of those BL tropes were just trotted out. Like a greatest hits reel.

Truly beyond meta. (How Absolute BL of them.)

Note he’s even standing in yaoi's patented "hands in pocket with the shoulders back"?

Meanwhile, the gayest bridge in Thailand made its quarterly appearance:

And lip serviced was paid to the most touristy romantic things you can do in Bangkok.

And I mean lip service literally.

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) ep 5 of 8 - I’m still enjoying it but getting more and more nervous. We getting too close to Promise territory for comfort. EXPLAIN Ji’s reticence well and do it now or risk audience mistrust. We have to be given a GOOD reason for Ji's behavior, or he'll be irredeemable.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - NO SINGING. Yes smiley kisses and good communication and a nice healthy relationship. But no singing!

1000 Years Old ep 6 of 12 - Dropping in the ranks. I’m sorry it’s just gotten boring. It has, however, inspired me to invest in my own ridiculous cream fuzzy sweater. Which I plan to wear with leather trousers and huge stumpy boots, like the Kpop queer I truly am. Or do I mean vampire?

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Seems to be an excuse for a small posse of Thai actors to wander around Tokyo playing tourist and sing in public . Someone stop them?

“Most people think this kind of thing is bad manners .”

Anyway, it’s v boring. I’ll give it one more ep but I suspect I’ll DNF.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) eps 1-2 of 6 - Meh. This is also looking suspiciously DNF-a-licious.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube & Viki) ep 5 of 11 - It's brilliant. I love it. I'm ready to hurt. Let’s do this thing.

Distribution note: This one has been picked up and is also airing on Viki now, so it may lose YT distribution in soem territories. I like Youku's hard subs better than Viki's subs, but that's a matter of preference not information since I don't speak Mandarin.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 6 - It is good. Every week I like this show a little more. I'm enjoying a reunion romance explored in Japan's quintessentially contemplative yet slightly surreal way. The juxtaposition of the tenderness of the sex scene with this Japanese brand of authenticity was oddly elegant - for lack of a better way of putting it. All in all, this is a good show. Thought provoking. Stylish.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - It remains lovely but they sure are reusing a lot of footage. Also, this was a classic penultimate doom episode. I do wonder how they are going to resolve this show ethically.

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 8 - It is what it is, and it isn’t my style of show no matter what country of origin. Oddly that's one of the reasons I don't like it. Anyone could have made this, it's not as Japanese as I want it to be, it's just indie film club high school angst. Yawn.

I watched it, finally

The Servant and the Young Master (Vietnam YouTube) 7 eps - I dislike vertical filming, but I kind of enjoyed this show as a BL. I like class conflict romances. For me the rich kid is a bit too dictatorial (edges into bulling), but it’s kinda works. It’s sparse and underdeveloped and a bit plotless, but mildly entertaining. If you're missing Vietnamese BL you might give it a try. 6/10

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) 8eps - A Burmese BL that I had thoughts about but actually ended up recommending. Read the saga here:

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) ep 1 of ? - on one hand it's micro-installment vertical, on the other it's adorable and from Taiwan. I blame @heretherebedork entirely for my conundrum. As indeed, I did for My Type back in the day. (That was Nat Chen's first BL, yes of Kiseki: Dear To Me fame.) So I think I will also simply lean on Here to let me know when it's done and binge all at once. It's just too much to ask me to keep up with 2 minute pieces, I don't have that kind of endurance training, not even for BL.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - it's finished now, I dropped it at ep 4. Should I bother?

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - I watched the first ep but grey is too much work for this inferior of a show. I may pick up and binge if it gets distribution but for now, it gets a DNF from me. KimCop might have held this crap together but Kim without Cop? No thank you.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing for some reason.

Man Suang that MileApo vehicle from last year is coming to Netflix in the USA. I haven't heard much about it and since the KP stans would have lost their tiny minds if it was any good at all, I'm assuming it's not good at all.

Gossip

Thai BL actor Yoon breaks with his former company and talks about some very very VERY shady goings on in the Thai BL industry. Including not being paid.

And whacha know, same thing happening in Korean BL.

Have I mentioned recently how much I hate the film industry?

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting Soon

3/31 Only Boo! (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks grumpy/sunshine pair who fall deeply in love but, of course, baby boy idol can't date. Boyband but from GMMTV? Control your singing and I'm game.

4/1 Love is like a Cat (Korea ????) 12 eps - This completed filming Aug 2022(!) which means there have been serious problems with post-production. This is another of Silkwood's Korean+Thai colab projects. Mew Suppasit plays a rookie film star, called the Cat Prince (for his cold arrogance) who goes up against a charismatic puppyish animal daycare director (JM of JUST B). There is also a side romance (love triangle?) with a veterinarian. Geonu of JUST B is also in the cast.

I wonder if this was part of the hold up, with Geonu on Build Up right now, they might have tried to muffle this one. Or maybe it's just that bad...

4/3 We Are (Thai GMMTV YouTube) 12 eps - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN!

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV?) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner), Best and frest face, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Without ghost girl.

With ghost girl.

I think she may be my favorite part of 1000 Years.

CLASSIC tsundere seme description of a sunshine uke. Like classic'est of classic. (Two Worlds)

Is there such a thing as a tired trope in a BL? Since it is a genre that is made up entirely of tropes quilted together? Your philosophical question for today brought to you by Deep Night's kabedon (Japanese trope) + punishment threat (Thai trope).

Love me a lap sit moment. (City of Stars)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

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still-a-morosexual-help · 1 year

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Another realisation about Solomon post? Yes.

But First!

Let's talk about MC and Mammon's friendship (like I haven't spoken about it enough)

(platonically) general MC is probably the closest with Mammon:

• Beel mentions this in early S1 - saying that MC frequently seeks Mammon out to talk with him

• Levi mentions this in both S2 and Nightbringer

• Belphie briefly implies it in a chat

• Mammon has spoken about it multiple times

• Mammon & MC have been sharing a room frequently enough for him to leave his toothbrush and phone charger in their room from early S1 all the way up to S4

• His birthday is the only one they took charge and planned on their own, starting the gift giving a whole week before the actual date

• He's the only person in the circus event that they instantly remembered without having to talk with him first

• He's the first one in Nightbringer to fully accept them and start bringing them into the family shenanigans

• There are dialogue options like this, that aren't really options at all

• He's always their first - their first friend in every timeline and alternate universe

Okay so, now to the actual point of the post:

Solomon (in Nightbringer) asks MC if they've made any progress towards making the new pacts and MC says they're working on Mammon.

We know, obviously, why MC picks Mammon:

• He's their first. Not only does it seem like the right thing, they know him enough to know he'll throw a huge tantrum if he wasn't their first

• He's the safest and easiest option (I speak about this in more detail here) but basically he's the most settled after the Fall, the least likely to react badly or in anger, the least likely to accidentally hurt them and an extremely loyal ally (post here)

• Most importantly, he's their friend and they genuinely just like spending time with him

Solomon however, says something along the lines of picking Mammon being a smart choice because Mammon seems lonely.

Solomon's first thought was to see MC and Mammon's relationship from a strategic point of view. He saw a weakness (a true weakness btw, I actually have half a fic written from a year ago about Mammon being lonely in the Celestial Realm and I really need to complete it) and he exploited it to get what he wanted - similar to how he made a pact with Asmo in the present day timeline.

Solomon saying/doing this isn't really a bad thing, but I think it really adds to his character and shows his differences when compared to MC. It also really adds weight to the whole:

• locked away in a basement and hidden from the world during his childhood

• had one childhood friendship which is implied to have ended badly

• spent thousands of years without any real friends despite the fact that he had at least three people (Asmo, Barbatos and Thirteen) who genuinely cared for him

• admitted to not seeing the demons he made pacts with as friends until either s3 or 4, despite the fact that, even pre-series, Solomon is one of the people Asmo genuinely likes, cares about, values the opinion of, wants to impress and initially feels nervous around because of this

I just...

I love it when they give you a smiley and chill, kinda goofy, character whose past is a little mysterious and then you figure out oh he's got a tragic past and also his world view and thought processes are very messed up but also a product of his past

10/10 character actually

Relevant Posts:

• Solomon's World View and Thought Processes

• How Solomon's Past Shaped Him

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azulaaaaaaah · 2 months

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atla/tlok characters that i think did *it* (but i just can’t prove it)

this is the most unserious post i’ve ever made. (AND I WANT TO PREFACE BY SAYING BY *IT* I MEAN KISSING)

Sozin and Roku

and history will say that they were just great friends…

this is the only one where ill legitimately die on this hill

like i’m 90% sure roku just showed Aang their friendship in the flashbacks to prevent awkwardly explaining to a 12 year old monk that he was romantically and/or physically involved with the person who committed a g*nocide against his people

LIKE CMON WHY IN THE WORLD WAS SOZIN SO PRESSED IN THE BACKGROUND OF ROKU’S WEDDING ??? AND FOR NO REASON?? WHY WAS THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO INTENSE?

sozin i feel loved roku (to an obsessive level) and roku literally dgaf. king shit

Wan and Raava

genuinely what the fuck was going on between these two. like i don’t even have any words

canonically at the very least it was a domestic partnership

S2 korra doesn’t make sense at the best of times. imagine trying to explain the intensity of this pair’s devotion to each other, to someone who hasn’t seen the show- all the while knowing raava is a disembodied spirit practically older than time

she’s the embodiment of everything good and light in the universe and he’s just wan. (and he’s wanough <3)

‘do you think we’re soulmates in every life?’

‘bet’

‘wait that’s not what i-‘

Cabbage Merchant and his cabbages (or at least a cabbage)

yeah i’m not touching this one with a 10 foot pole

Every member of the red lotus squad

ah yes it’s my favourite evil polycule

amidst plans to kidnap children and topple monarchies what else is there to do except… kiss.

let’s be real there’s something so inherently romantic about being apart of an elite, vaguely murderous anarchist squad

they all share one exact bed. it’s canon

(p’li somehow big spoons all of them)

The S2 Nomads

these dudes are the textbook definition of anti-monogamy

like they’re obsessed with love so i fully believe that they think ‘it should be spread amongst others’ or some shit

oh to be a travelling communist nomad in a band, wandering the wilds with my wife, and our several partners

they’re somehow the opposite of the red lotus and yet the same. they all share a single bed/sleep area

The dangerous ladies (but all separately)

i don’t ship any of these particularly and yet can still admit that it’s canon

ty-lee and azula have kissed bc azula probably made up a dumb excuse like ‘oh i don’t want my first kiss with a guy to be… erm… bad’

mai and ty-lee have kissed because they both probably have genuine, vaguely deep rooted romantic feelings for each other

mai and azula have kissed to purely spite zuko (and yknow what ty-lee too)

HOWEVER A KEY ASPECT TO THIS DYNAMIC: azula is completely unaware about the ty-lee and mai thing. it’s uh… better off that way.

Hakoda and Bato

i ship this about 50% but like… it’s got to have happened once right? considering all that down time they spent together on a boat away from the repercussions of water tribe society…

also considering they were leaders i doubt the other warriors were in a position to ever call them out on it

like cmoooooooon what’s a little kiss between the homies every now and again?

hakoda is where sokka gets his rizz/flagrant bisexuality from and i can’t change that guys

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centrally-unplanned · 6 months

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In my list of orphaned projects is a big damn essay on the fertility transition , which I never wrote. I had this in the docket for almost a decade, back when worrying about fertility rates was still a hot take. But alas the ship has sailed, everyone is talking about it now and has written it all out already, and I have mountains of projects, so I will just outline it quickly, sans graphs and footnotes. Maybe doing that will incentivize me to write up a full one someday, and it also gets my cohesive viewpoint out there.

The Future Is Exowombs & the Global Fertility Transition

The Trendline

The fertility transition has long roots - going back to 19th century France, originating in metropoles like Paris and culturally exporting itself to the countryside.

It seems broadly linked to material prosperity in ways that are load-bearing, one implies the other.

It is a 'sticky' cultural transition - once a country begins to move towards lowered TFR it never recovers outside of temporary blips.

It is not related to "western" cultural norms or specific contingencies of religion or ethnicity - those can matter at the margins, but rarely make a huge difference.

Starting in the 1990's, following sharp increases in A: global economic growth and B: global cultural diffusion/global monoculture, a trendline that used to be reserved for wealthy countries has rapidly accelerated, affecting countries at almost every income level. The fertility transition is now fully global.

The Cause

The primary driver of this phenomenon is the positive realization of desires - and by that I mean it is not something forced on people due to a lack in their lives.

It is not primarily caused by growing singleness; the number of people having any kids at all today is lower but overall pretty similar to the number of people who did a hundred years ago. It makes a marginal difference but not a huge one.

It is not linked to money, or housing prices, or other economic issues - fertility rates do not notably change with income levels or other price factors. At the margins, sure, but not at relevant ones.

It is not linked to specific technologies like contraception. People have understood how to prevent pregnancy for centuries - though like many things they do contribute at the margins. Additionally, you can’t uninvent them.

It is by a large majority linked to the death of large families. It was previously common for there to be families with 5 or more children, sometimes way more. 10+ children was not that rare in the past.

These families were disproportionately engaged in agricultural production; cities have always been fertility sinks.

In a world of manual household labor, rural living, low rights for women, low economic opportunities for women, and high death rates for children, these large families made sense. The 'opportunity cost' of the endless pregnancies & sicknesses was low (economically, not gonna handwave the immense personal toll)

All of these reasons have vanished. People want to have families, and love their children. But enduring multiple painful pregnancies, putting your career on hold, and spending huge chunks of your lifespan on child raising no longer tracks. The experience of having ~2 children is superior, along almost every metric, than the experience of having ~5 children for most people. This is what I mean by positive desires - the family structures of the past were built on misery and necessity, and will not return willingly.

The Problem

Many will point to the economic & social consequences of the Fertility Transition. They are very real, particularly at sub-1.0 fertility rates. If you are South Korea today, you have no plan for how your economy will truly support itself 50 years from now - you will vanish as a country in a few generations.

The focus on nearish-term crises also misses the opportunities lost - economic growth is premised on specialization, and specialization is premised on scale. A smaller world is a poorer world per capita, and a less innovative world, problems which have compounding effects. The difference in the long term is orders of magnitude.

But, far more importantly than any of that, is that we are nowhere close to the capacity of the earth to support humans. Supporting double or even triple the current population of the earth is trivial; a 10-fold increase would be quite easy, particularly once innovation is factored in. Being alive is a good of worth incomparable to anything else - the 'future' is literally defined by it. Time only meaningfully passes through the eye of one who can behold it.

The Failed Solutions

Money cannot buy lifespan or reclaim lost time - all attempts to throw money at the problem of fertility can help at the margins, but won't change the fundamentals. Some people want to have 2 kids, but can only afford 1. Or are prioritizing a career, but will work part time to have 3 kids. But the current policy crop of tax benefits or subsidized child care has not found a way to make someone truly want a larger family size, just mitigate gaps between desire and ability - and only barely.

Could radically larger amounts of money solve this problem? A professional career track in giving birth, 100k+ salaries for full-time mothers? I am open to the idea - but society isn't. The fiscal transfers needed are too radical for the current political environment, no one is proposing this.

Immigration was frequently proposed as a stop-gap, but its a 90's idea, premised on the idea that the Fertility Transition was a western problem that other countries did not face. It is not and never was; as every country's fertility declines, immigration becomes a zero-sum solution.

Turning back the clock on cultural change is A: impossible, the material logic of modern industrial production broke the need for it, and culture is downstream of material constraints. And B: its barbaric - if your answer to humanity's obstacles to greater flourishing is to condemn half of it to misery, we are better off dead.

So population levels will either stagnate or decline - unless something intervenes.

The "Future" Aka Getting Rationalist On Main

Exowombs, aka artificial wombs, allow you to grow a human child outside of the need for a person to incubate it. The baby (hah) step they let you do is strongly lower the cost of having a child; this is time & health given back to a mother, it will make having larger families easier.

But that won't fundamentally, shift the reality - that most people only want 1-2 kids, they don't want to raise more than that. However, with exowombs, you don't need to; you can make children outside of a family's desire for one. You can do that pretty trivially, actually. A society, if committed to solving its fertility issues, could mass-produce people with exowombs. Which would be very good to do ethically, because living is good and I personally don't think kids at orphanages should be euthanized to end their suffering, they are fine.

If some society, somewhere, did this, they would rule the world in a few generations. No one else is solving this problem, and meanwhile the human capacity to live on Earth is being woefully underutilized. Before natural human growth would solve this eventually - now it seems that will never happen, so anyone who actively tackles the problem wins. They literally win the future, by being the future.

Now, no one is going to do this soon - proposing this idea is not my point. Exowomb research is harshly regulated or illegal everywhere, modern society hates the idea of this kind of experimentation. We are, in so many ways, allergic to the idea of solving this problem. It doesn't even have to be exowombs, maybe we do the salaried mothers idea. My point is just the illustration - the future where there is 100 billion people dwarfs any current trendline future. That hypothetical dominates the worldline space, because arriving there organically seems to have faded away. The fact that we are not going to take that future, that it is probably gone now, is really, really sad.

But of course there is the other solution, the reactionary specter - instead of the technological solution, we choose the social one, of cultural regression and expanded reproductive control. I am not so worried about this, personally? Because I think it would unsustainable and result in a lot of bleed to liberal societies. It should not be taken lightly though - in a world where everyone has 1.0 fertility, and the social and economic consequences are becoming dire, I wouldn’t discount the willingness for radical solutions. I myself prefer the technologist side. But I think odds are we don't get either, just the long decline.

TL;DR - don’t let the Mormons win. Build exowomb factories.

#the fertility transition #essay

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phthalomushroom · 3 months

Text

The Family (3)

last next

pairings: modern!mafia!aemondxreader

summary: You had left Kings Landing and the Targaryen family four years ago. Now back and living with your old roommate you realize that the life you had thought you escaped had seemingly been waiting for you. But will the family really let you go? Will the people you left behind forgive you? Can you forget the past and look to the future?

word count: 3.3k

warnings: language, mentions of trauma, mentions of shooting, alys rivers, Italians, drunk aemond??

notes: this felt rushed but it is also long - sorry about that, idk what happened I've been super busy!!!

You hadn’t spoken to Baela the entire way home.

To say you were more than pissed was an understatement. You couldn’t tell if you were more mad at the situation or at your best friend for keeping such monumental information from you. You stormed into your apartment with a plan to shut yourself in your room for the night when Baela stopped you.

“I was told not to tell you.”

You whipped around. “What?”

“Aemond… wanted to be the one to tell you.”

“And how would he have told me?” You had blocked his number and his social media when you left the city, fully shutting him out of your life. She gave a weak smile.“He didn’t say.”

You crossed your arms.

Baela let out a long breath. “Listen, even if Aemond didn’t ask me not to say anything, I wouldn’t have brought it up.”

“You're my best friend Baela, I should have been told. What kind of friend are you?”

“One that remembers how fucking destroyed you were when you two broke up. One that remembers you leaving the city, fleeing from everyone all because of a fucking guy.”

“Which is why I should have known!”

“Why!” Her voice rose. “So you can run again?”

“I wasn’t running!”

“Then what the fuck were you doing?”

Escaping.

But you couldn’t say that. You couldn’t say that because it would make everything that happened that night too real. It would make everything and everyone you had shut out all these years pointless.

“I couldn’t deal with another 10 hour train ride,” Baela said after a minute of your silence. “Clearly there is still something you have towards Aemond.”

“Baela-”

“Whether it’s feelings or unresolved shit, I don’t know. Just… maybe seeing him, talking to him, will help you.”

She moved past you to go towards her room. She stopped with her hand on the door. “I’m sorry for the part I played in this, but Aemond asked and-”

“You couldn’t say no.”

She frowned, opening the door to step into her room. “He’s the head of the family now since Otto is in jail. You know whatever is asked goes.”

Your heart dropped.

Aemond was head of the family?

********

You had an awful night's sleep. You tossed and turned, thinking about what Baela had said.

Aemond was head of the house, he now ran the family which meant he called all the shots. He finally achieved what he had wanted all those years ago, but how he got there is what plagued you.

Your clock was nearing eight in the morning when your phone chimed. You looked at it seeing a message from an unsaved number, your heart sank as you read the screen.

Heard you're back in town, we need to catch up. - A

The fucking bastard.

You had half a mind to tell him how caught up you were when you decided against it. You threw your phone on your bed and began getting ready for the day, making your way to the kitchen. You saw a note on the table from Baela, apologizing for last night and how she wanted to talk it over more when she got back from the dinner tonight.

You crumbled the note throwing it in the trash. You had already forgiven her in all honesty, you couldn’t be mad at her for long. Besides you were being too harsh on Baela, after all you hadn’t told her anything from that night. She only knew that you and Aemond weren’t together anymore and that you needed to leave right away. In the end you were taking a lot of your frustrations out on her rather than the real person causing it. But to redirect those feelings meant that you would need to talk to Aemond and that wasn’t going to happen.

Not anytime soon anyway.

You sent Baela a quick text telling her all is forgiven and that you would see her when she got back from the celebration dinner.

You rummaged through the cabinets trying to find anything to eat but it seems like you’d need to do a grocery run. Thankfully you didn’t start full time at work till next week, your employer understood that you needed to settle into your “new” home.

At least that's what you had hinted at when they asked when you could start.

You put your shoes on and headed out of the apartment, going to the cafe that was a block away from where you lived. From what you remembered this place had the best chocolate croissants and made the best drinks you’ve ever had.

You had just put in your order, sitting at one of the corner tables, scrolling through your phone as you waited for your name to be called, when the chair across from you screeched.

You looked up meeting the delightful green eyes of Alicent Hightower.

You nearly choked on your spit.

She smiled cheerily at you. “I heard you were in town.”

You smiled back, putting your phone in your bag. “I just got in yesterday, I was gonna call but-”

She held her hand up. “Best not to, there are prying eyes and listening ears all around that house I swear.”

You laughed. Alicent Hightower had been like a mother to you when your own mother left. When you had come crying to Aemond freshman year when your family was falling apart, Alicent was the one who wrapped her arms around you and let you stay in the house until you were ready to go back.

You still remember her rage when you had told her about the note your mother left.

She truly was one of the things you missed about the Targaryen family.

“What are you doing on this side of the city?” Alicent, along with most of her family lived in an estate on the East side of the city that overlooked the canal.

“You know this side makes the best pastries.” She gestured to the boxes by her feet.

“Georginos is pretty stellar.”

She grinned, reaching across the table to give your hands a squeeze. “And how are you doing?”

You put on a convincing smile. “Great, no problems yet.”

She nodded. “Good to hear. After what Aemond told me, I’m surprised you decided to stick around here.”

Your heart dropped. “What?”

“The rats, dear. I don’t know how you and Baela are able to live in an apartment with rats in it.”

You swallowed your confusion. “A lot of traps.”

“Aemond said he’s heading over later to talk with the exterminator, I’m confident he’ll take care of you.”

You nodded along. “Yup!”

She squeezed your hands again. “I’m so happy that you and him could remain friends all these years, I mean I had half a mind to drag him to Winterfell and make nice.”

You nodded along, hoping your face didn’t show the confusion and anger you felt.

“Anyway, what is your number? I've missed our chats.”

You hastily reached into your bag, wanting the uncomfortableness of this conversation to end. You pulled your phone out and along with it, the invite from Alys.

Alicent’s eyes widened, upon seeing the crumpled invitation. She looked up at you smiling. “I was hoping Aemond would take my advice on inviting you.”

You gave a half hearted laugh, shoving the invite back into your bag.

Could this get any worse?

“So I take it I'll be seeing you tonight then.” She stooped to pick up the pastry boxes.

Come fucking on.

“I actually wasn’t planning on attending.”

She frowned. “Why not?”

You stumbled over your words. “I’m Aemond’s ex.”

“But you're part of the family.”

“It wouldn’t look good if I came.”

“And why not? You and Aemond are still best friends, it would be absurd for you not to be there.”

“I just don’t think Alys-”

Alicent snorted. “Screw what Alys thinks, I’m the one paying for the whole damn charade. I might as well get a say in who gets to come.”

Just then your order got called. She grinned pushing in her chair. “Till tonight, dear.”

You watched her walk out, at a loss for words frozen in your seat.

What the fuck just happened?

********

You had managed to fill Baela in on the phone of what happened in the cafe. Telling her about Aemond’s lies to his mother and the insistence of Alicent that you attended the dinner. Baela was able to stop by after work so that you two could walk in together.

You had just managed to find a dress in the back of your closet that would work for the formal occasion, your boxes from Winterfell still hadn’t come yet, to your dismay. The dress was slick black that had a perfect neckline that accentuated your boobs and yet didn’t do too much to make it seem like you were trying. Baela had described it as ‘tasteful sexy.’When you were looking in the mirror you couldn’t remember for the life of you where you had gotten it but didn’t care as you quickly left for the event.

You were already late and you didn’t want to have to spend anymore than an hour at the dinner. Luckily it was at Federicos, the whole place having been shut down for the special event.

The restaurant came into view as you walked up the street, you could see Jace, Luce, and Rhaena all standing outside waiting.

“You ready?” Baela asked. “We can bail out now, Luce can vomit on cue.”

“Tempting but gross,” You responded. You let out a long breath fidgeting with your handbag. “If I don’t show up Alys will be smug, and Alicent will hunt me down.”

“You don’t say no to the family.” She squeezed your hand.

You approached your friends, plastering on a smile that you knew you’d have on all night.

Rhaena hugged you first. “Finally, I’ve been trying to get Baela to let me come over to see you.”

“Yeah, it's been a crazy first day back.”

“Are you ready to go in?” Jace asked.

“Of course, I’ve been wanting those garlic knots since we left last night.”

You hated faking it for them. You’d rather leave, you’d rather not be here. But maybe this was a fateful way of telling you to face your shit head on. So you took a deep breath as everyone filed inside, squared your shoulders and knew that you would get drunk as shit after this.

For now you picked up a cocktail from the bar with the others and sipped carefully, you needed a clear head for the night. You already spotted Alys making her rounds around the room, but hadn’t noticed Aemond among the crowd. You looked around again seeing Alicent sitting at the corner booth, nursing a glass of wine.

“I’m gonna go make an appearance with Alicent,” you told Baela.

You snaked your way through the crowd, all mostly being people from Alys’s side with a few Targaryens and Hightowers mixed in. A part of you wondered why more of the family hadn’t come but those thoughts were put on the back burner when you took the seat across from Alicent.

She smiled. “Glad you could make it, love.”

“Glad to have been invited.

She waved you off. “Of course.”

“This place looks amazing, Alys really outdid herself.” You looked around at the black and white monochrome decorations that were dispersed around the restaurant.

“It’s tacky,” she frowned. “And dull.”

You chuckled. “You are just as blunt as I remember you.”

She lifted her glass. “Always.”

Her eyes drifted over your shoulder just as you heard a voice say your name. You turned to see a wide eyed Aemond Targaryen standing in all black with an empty whisky glass in his hand and a beer in the other. His hair that was cut short the last time you saw him had grown out and was now tied in a bun at the nape of his neck. He was as handsome as ever and the skip your heart did told you everything you needed to know.

You needed to be strong and you needed to be cold.

You swallowed the panic that rose and instead raised your glass to him. “I guess congratulations are in order.”

That seemed to knock him out of his stupor as he gave you an easy smile.

You heard Alicent get up from her seat, rounding to her son. “I can take this to the bar, you two should catch up.”

Aemond let her move past him, taking the empty glass from his hand before he slid into the seat opposite of you. He leaned back like he didn’t have a care in the world, his eyes glazed. “You never answered my text.”

“What text?” You took a sip of your drink.

He smirked, taking a sip of his beer. “You never were a good liar.”

“I blocked your number.”

“I got another number.”

You shook your head, he was still insufferable it seemed. “Seems like a lot of trouble to contact an ex.”

“You’re worth it.”

“You're engaged.” You weren’t going to let him win this.

He leaned forward putting his forearms on the table as he set the beer down. The veins of his forearms strained slightly. ��I was going to tell you when we met up.”

“And how would we have done that?”

“Well if you were going to continue ignoring me it was going to be more of an “accidental” meeting. I think that would have been charming.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re insane.”

“And you are still as beautiful as the day I first saw you.”

“I wonder how Alys would feel about that comment.”

“Alys isn’t here,” he slurred.

Now that pissed you off. Yes, you hated Alys Rivers but like hell were you going to be treated like some mistress. “You're an asshole, you know that?”

He shrugged, leaning back as he took a swig of his beet. “I don’t understand how I can be the asshole when you're the one wearing a dress that I bought you. That is just insulting to my soon to be bride.”

Your stomach turned. That’s where you knew the dress from. Aemond had gotten it for you on your last anniversary. But if he was going to be an asshole about it, so could you. Strong and cold, that’s what you needed to be.

You shrugged like he did. “A lot of men have bought me a lot of things over the years, I must have just forgotten.”

Something flickered in his eyes at that, like a fire had suddenly been lit. “You’re lying.”

“Kinda like how you're lying to your mom about us.”

His face blanched, clearly taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

“We’re best friends? You’re helping with the rats in my apartment?”

He regained his composure quicker than you thought. “We are best friends and I did help with the rats.”

“That was the first week we moved in and it was one.”

He waved his hand. “Semantics.”

“We haven’t talked in years and from what your mother tells me it’s like we talk everyday.”

He leaned on the table again“What are you doing here, (y/n).”

“I was invited by your beautiful fiancee and your mother.”

“No, what are you really doing here?”

You ground your teeth. “Your mother invited me. You don’t say no to the family.”

“Except you.”

“What?”

“Everyone else can’t say no but you.”

You frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You were always the exception, (y/n). Then, now, always.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“I know that if you really didn’t want to come here you wouldn’t have, rules be damned. So why did you really show up here in a dress I bought you for our anniversary?”

You hadn’t realized it but during your exchanging of words his hands and yours had moved closer, your fingertips just touching.

Just then Alys came around the table sitting on Aemond’s lap, he pulled his hands away snaking them around her waist. “We’re doing toasts soon, honey.”

His eye drifted to you, before he looked at Alys. “I’ll be there in a minute, just need to finish this conversation.”

Alys suddenly looked at you, her eyebrows shooting up as she tried to look surprised. “Oh, you came! I gotta say I didn’t think you’d show.”

You looked at Aemond then. “I’m just here for the celebration.”

She smirked. “Well I hope your gift is nice, gods know enough of these people only gave us cash.”

She stood up then, leaning down and giving Aemond a long kiss. You looked at your now empty glass.

He pulled away first, giving her a weak smile before she darted off back in the crowd. He folded his arms over his chest. “Celebrating Alys and I’s engagement? Seems very mature of you.”

You scoffed. “And how would you like me to react Aemond? Smash all the glasses, destroy the present table, burn the whole place to the ground?

It was his turn to scoff. “Well at least it would be a reaction, instead of this cold whatever.”

“I have been nothing but polite since we started talking.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

“Then what are you talking about, Aemond?”

He leaned forward. “You’re shutting me out, putting walls up, being cold.”

“And what’s the problem with that? You were the one who told me to leave, Aemond. Then I come back and you’re trying to act like we’re friends. I don’t know you.”

“You’ll always know me, just like I will always know you.”

“Then how come I look at you and I don’t recognize you.”

“Maybe you don’t want to recognize me.”

“Don’t do that.”

He smirked. “Do what?”

You gestured to him. “Those stupid fucking games - answering my questions with questions, giving stupid fucking philosophical answers.”

He crossed his arms. “And why is that?”

You huffed. “You’re a prick.”

He shrugged. “At least I got some reaction out of you instead of that ice princess bullshit.” His voice went high pitched as he mocked you- “congratulations are in order, beautiful fiancee.”

“Is being nice a crime now in your family?

“No but being a liar and a coward is.”

You rolled your eyes. “Get a grip, Aemond.”

“What’s the real reason you came tonight?”

“I was invited by Alys and your mother, you know how they both can be.”

“Bullshit,” he spat. “I think you came here because you were curious, you couldn’t stay away.”

You wanted to laugh. This was such bullshit, what even was happening right now. Was he mad at you cause you weren’t mad?

“Admit it.” He scooted closer.“I think you wanted to be here tonight to see for yourself if you could get me back.” He was leaning across the table now, his eyes flitting between yours. His voice dropped. “The ring was always yours, she’s just keeping it warm for ya darling.”

You could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was clearly drunk and now he was being cruel. When you knew him he would never have let himself get to this level of intoxicated and he certainly would never have been so mean to you.

What the fuck happened when you left?

You shook your head, looking away from him.“I’m not here for you, Aemond.”

He arched his brow. “Then why’d you come?”

“To see for myself that everything we had was a lie.”

He leaned back, shaking his head. “What are you talking about?”

“Seeing you tonight like this, with her, I understand now that it wasn’t love we had but convenience.” You started getting up. “I hope you two are very happy together.”

He stared wide eyed, watching as you began pushing through the crowd. “Wait.”

“Goodbye, Aemond. Have a good wedding.” You waved over your shoulder as you walked away from Aemond Targaryen.

Tag List: @dixie-elocin @liannafae @toodlesxcuddles @watercolorskyy @zenka69 @bellaisasleep

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soaringwide · 2 months

Text

Pick a Card: What is blooming for you this spring?

Spring is always a magical time for me, and I know I'm not alone. This time of the year, I can feel excitement rise in my heart, the desire to make plan, to savor life to the fullest. And every time feels different, like I'm living it for the first time, with only a vague memory of what it was before.

So I wanted to make this pick a card collective reading about what is blooming for you this spring? I will leave the message open to welcome any area of life and type of message, and provide not only an energy check, if you will, but some advice on how to welcome it fully.

How does that work?

Take a moment to recollect yourself, breathe, close your eyes if you need to, focus on the moment. Look at the 4 pictures and select the one that draws you in the most. Not the one you think looks cooler but the one that creates that pinching feeling inside of you. The one that makes you feel it has something to say.

It is possible to feel attracted to more than one pile, just as it is possible to only find parts of the reading relevant. Remember that this reading is meant for many people so it won't be perfectly applicable to your situation.

PILE 1

Cards: 3 of Swords Rx + Page of Swords Rx + Death + The Vow + 9 of Wands Rx The Gem / 7 of Swords + 10 of Swords + Stress + Page of Cups + Courage + 5 of Cups Rx + Ace of Swords / The Protectress + The Shaman

For the energy-check part, The Death arrives like the return of lifeblood in the branches, shaking things up to leave space for the new buds that are to come. This beginning of spring, a massive cleanup of old ties and energies is occurring. Cutting away the old to let the new emerge.

You're in the process of leaving behind a tie that, while not negative per say, was definitely something you had to leave behind in order to move forward and rise to the skies. It seems this tie was something you found value in for a very long time, but you made or are making the choice to move forward.

This comes somewhat like a battle you had to experience within you, as it was not easy to separate from and left you feeling victimized and defeated, like the entire world was against you or out to get you. This whole situation caused intense heartache and a feeling of almost unbearable internal pressure which you may have turned against yourself in fits of self destructive impulses and anxiousness.

On some level you were or are still resisting this change, or rather, what this change is going to lead to. You are trying to control the outcome and refusing to surrender due to a lack of trust or faith. You are trying to burn the steps to reach the end of this uncomfortable time quicker.

The good thing is by going through the motion of this change, you are finding your inner light. From the pressure is born a beautiful gemstone that catches on the tiniest gleam. You are also not only learning to stand up for yourself and your values, but also to embark on a new journey.

There will be a time of transition. At first you will feel guilty of what you're leaving behind which will cause a lot of inner turmoil and tears shed. You will feel like you're getting away with something you shouldn't be. You will feel like you've hit rock bottom in a rather dramatic way, but the good thing is that the only way to go is up!

What's going to follow this is that you'll become at peace with your own feelings, will learn to be sovereign in yourself no matter what's happening outside of you. You know yourself and what you stand for and you won't get put out of balance anymore. You're learning the courage it takes to stand up for your emotional peace and you will know how to defend it ferociously.

Once you'll be done mourning what you've lost, you'll find a lot of clarity and desire to initiate the next step of your life in a very stimulating phase full of new ideas. You'll realize that the key thing in your situation is to trust the process and let it flow.

Now onto some advice on how to navigate that:

You need to be mindful of how you spend your energy, and by that I mean, you need to get enough rest. Yes spring is stimulating and you may find yourself wanting to make a billion plans, but you've got to understand that your body and mind need rest and relaxation too. Protect yourself, say no when you need to, even to yourself. The other more spiritual side of this is that you're somewhat vulnerable at the moment and need to be careful not to be swayed by the opinion of others. Stand strongly in your own skin, your own beliefs and don't give into something that doesn't truly align with yourself.

You inner fire is unique and you need to remember that whatever it is you will become, you will always be you in all your beautiful strangeness. So embrace what it is to be you, don't be ashamed of if or try to hide it, and shine of your fucked up light.

PILE 2

I just wanted to preface this reading with a warning, it's a bit difficult but the advice is very hopeful and sweet so please don't feel too down about it because it will get better!

Cards: The Poet + The Queen of Cups Rx + Healing + Ace of Cups Rx + Let go + Courage Rx + Ambition + 5 of Pentacles + Acceptance + The Unseen + Bottled Up + The Pilgrim + Anger / 10 of Pentacles Rx + Forgive + Death Rx + Overwhelmed + High Priestess Rx + Gloom + Blessings and Curses Rx + The Shaman Rx / The Devil + 4 of Swords Rx + 10 of Swords Rx / Temperance Rx + Manic + 9 of Cups + Love + Joy + Harmony

In the first few moments of spring, I see you slowly leaving a phase where you didn't allow your emotional needs to be met, or allowed yourself to feel something specific. Due to past experiences, you've felt like your deep feelings where not listened to and were dismissed. Your own light was not seen and remained in the dark because it seems that no matter what emotion you shared, it only led to chaos around you. You ended up discarding them like an useless relic, baring yourself from the ability to heal with them, ending up stuck in place because you don't see that from accepting the sorrow you can learn lessons that will lead you to bloom again.

You are scared of leaving something behind, something that doesn't fulfill you emotionally like it used to, something you had great ambition for. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's a passion or a dream. Ultimately, this is leaving you feeling like you're stuck in the winter, unable to feel the new energy of spring, because you're not accepting this new wave of change.

You are about to embark on a new journey, but unable that you are to see the top of the mountain, you remain wandering in the snow doubting it's even worth it because all you can see is a difficult path. This is causing a lot of anger, which ironically is the only emotion you let out, everything else is trapped within.

This spring, I see your going through this struggle but learning very important lessons in the process. Basically, you're on a journey of self acceptance, both of your flaws and qualities you don't express to the world.

There will be a need to let go of familial expectations that were placed upon you and to forgive the hurt it did to you. It seems you will be resisting change until it becomes overwhelming in order to force you to make a choice. Once that point is reached, it will be hard to see the situation from a different perspective, as in, you will be emotionally drowning into feelings of despair, but, really, that's necessary because you've been shutting yourself from that for too long, keeping busy in order not to think about it.

The process of spring is to free yourself from those heavy bonds. Here is the advice in order to navigate that better:

First of all, you need to cool down and restore your balance. Don't try to fix things by being overly active but instead try to find some rest and moments of silence to listen within.

Also, there is plenty of love around you to be felt and to enjoy, perhaps even a new relationship or one that you closed yourself to. The advice is to be positive about the future. Really all those advice cards are super bright so you're getting massively encouraged.

You will be able to share joy around you once those dark yucky feelings have been cleared.

What if you stopped resisting? I think you would find change doesn't have to be so difficult and painful, and that there is beauty and sweetness waiting for you just around the corner. Open yourself, be playful, and try to remember the wonder of a child discovering spring once more.

PILE 3

Cards: The Bridge + The Moon + Let Go + 10 of Wands + Relieved + Ace of Pentacles + Queen of Swords Rx + The Comic / The Devil + Renewal Rx + Anger Rx + Strength + Forgive Rx + Page of Cups + You are Deserving / 2 of Swords + Gratitude + 2 of Wands + Gloom + Energy

The energy check in this change of season indicates for you a time of transition, where you're crossing from one stage to the next.

At the moment, you're letting go of the very introspective vibe of winter, that forces us to retreat within and inside and rest while waiting for the return of the light. Perhaps this winter was the opportunity to reflect over something painful for you and you've finally reached the point where you can disengage from it and move forward. Because it seems like a burden you were carrying is being released, which is bringing you a renewed sense of hope. To be more precise, you were working hard to carry that weight and now that you finally were able to release it, you feel at ease again.

You're lightening up, seeing the humor and joy of life and learning to be in a more lighthearted mood. I see you really enjoying this change of season and having some type of mood shift. After the heaviness of winter, your new found freedom gave you a reason to smile again.

It also seems you're getting finally getting some new opportunities that were previously barred from you which caused a lot of resentment, because you felt like you were owed something you weren't getting and it was getting in the way of your prosperity. I see that you still have some work to do on that front as you may be lacking courage to seize those opportunities because you feel too unsure of yourself and vulnerable. You may want to isolate yourself as a mean of protection, despite wanting those opportunities direly.

This spring, I see you will need to be careful not to fall back in your old limiting habit of letting yourself be trampled on. You might have a tendency to repress your anger, because you have been told it's not a good emotion to express, which is true, but in your case, your anger can free you because it makes you aware of other people stepping over your boundaries. I'm not saying go punch your boss in the face, but use this anger to reflect on why exactly you feel disrespected, and use that as a motivation to change your circumstances and honor your boundaries.

I also see, and it's a continuation of the previous message, that you will build your character by learning that you don't always need to forgive. It's okay to burn the bridge and take care of yourself first. You don't need to accommodate everyone. Keep your gentleness for the people who deserve it. And I'm saying that because in your case, the balance is waaay off.

Something else that's coming this spring is a message to open yourself to new emotions, perhaps regarding to love, be it romantic or platonic. There is a strong message that you feel like you are not deserving of it and you are somewhat shutting yourself to discovering this part of yourself. Spring is the seasons where so many bubbly feelings awaken and you can welcome that in your heart.

The advice on how to navigate this time better is to, first, try not to shut yourself off the blessing that are coming to you. It's easy to expect the worse and blinding yourself in the process. The key to move forward is to find a more positive mindset, not to assume that everything will be doom and gloom but daring hoping for the best! A mindset exercise you could use could be gratitude. There's already so much good things happening around you but you might not see it because you focus a lot on the negative. Allow yourself to dream and plan the future from an optimistic perspective.

The final message is very fitting considering the title of this reading, as it is advising you to redirect your energy to make your own flowers bloom, not other's. Work on cultivating a fertile soil within yourself and you will be in a much better mindset to attract good things. Remember that while it is altruistic to want to help others, you can't do it if you are yourself depleted, you need to help yourself first.

PILE 4

Cards: The Fool + Knight of Wands + Joy Rx + 3 of Cups Rx + Intrusive Thoughts + The Mentor + Wounded Heart + The Animal + Jealousy / The Portal + King of Pentacles + Bottled Up Rx + 4 of Cups + Let Go + The Star Rx + Fear / The servant Queen

Much like all piles, the start of spring and current energy check, is the time of a big renewal for you, indicated by the Fool. It's the start of a new journey with a fresh mindset and an adventurous heart. However, I can sense that it's very much a desire of yours at this point and not something you can fully indulge in at the moment.

You don't quite dare to let yourself go to celebrate this new change you feel being birthed inside of you, because you have these automatic intrusive thoughts born from anxiety that you have a hard time detaching from. But I see you working on it with a mentor figure, perhaps a therapist, a teacher or someone wise close to you. You seem to be especially working on emotional wounds that are still fresh, or felt to be still fresh.

Also, you feel energy rise within you, a desire to pursue your passion, to start planning things, perhaps a trip or a festival, but something is stopping you from doing it. It's like you know you want it and will make you happy, but you can't access it and it kills your joy.

As a result, you sort of feel like a caged animal, caged in your routine and full of desire to break free, which leads to feelings of envy for what other are able to enjoy and not you.

What is blooming for you this spring is that, there is some type of adventure to be found despite everything. There is something you don't expect coming for you, a new adventure to be had.

It seems something is going to unlock prosperity-wise, something that has seemed blocked for a while but is finally giving you the ability to soar. However, you will have to seize it and not let your low thoughts get in the way of even noticing it. You will have to learn to let go of that tendency of yours. There is renewal, healing and blessings coming for you, but you will miss out if you let fear dictate your actions.

The advice on how to navigate the season is to stop believing that you don't deserve nice things. You have a tendency to self-sabotage and it's doing you a massive disservice. It ties into what I was saying earlier about not blocking your own blessings because of your negative thoughts, because there is something great within your reach.

You must nurture your mind because it's through your mind that you experience the world. It's like a big lens and if it's dirty you get a blurry vision of reality. Work on cleaning your lens and you will see that the world will become an open field for adventure as a result.

#pick a card #tarot reading #pick a pile #PAC reading #tarotcommunity #collective reading #pick a picture #tarot #PAC #tarot community #tarotblr

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persevereforahappyending · 3 days

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Luck Runs Out |Debt Paid|

Pairing: Mabel x Reader

Summary: When your luck runs out you unknowingly drag Mabel back into the life, she's so desperate to escape.

Warnings: Beating, Threats, Violence, Guns

Word Count: 2.1k+

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

You slipped into your apartment under the cover of darkness. You didn’t think your boss had any of his men watching the place, after all it seemed he thought you were dead, but you weren’t taking chances. You could easily slip out of town, steal a car, and ditch it on the road somewhere, you could be free. You couldn’t do that to Mabel though, you couldn’t do that to Charlie and his friends, they had no reason to and yet they saved your life, you owed them.

You quickly grabbed your empty duffel bag out of your closet and tossed it onto your bed. You kicked the rug in front of your bed out of the way and dropped to your knees. You slid your finger into the little slot and pulled up the floorboard, then the next one. You stared down at the stacks of cash you had been saving for years. You let out a shaky breath before you began grabbing the stacks, tossing each of them up onto your bed.

When you had all the cash from under those floorboards you moved to the front of the bathroom. You dropped to your knees again, quickly prying up the next floorboard and began pulling out the stacks of cash, tossing them onto the bed with the others. When that one was cleared you moved to the next one, then the next one.

You stared at your bed, it was now covered in stacks of cash and the duffel bag after you had thoroughly gone through all of your hiding places. You swallowed nervously before grabbing the bag, you got it fully opened and began stacking the cash inside. You silently counted each stack as you put it in the bag, even though you knew exactly how much you had saved over the years. By the time you were done you had a duffel bag filled with just over fifty grand. Your entire life savings, the money that was supposed to get you out of this life and allow you to live your dream, was all contained to a simple duffel bag.

You grabbed a gun from your nightstand, then hoisted the bag up, giving your apartment one last look before making your way out the front door. You didn’t have much, but you were going to miss the place, you made good money from the whole drug smuggling thing but you went with a cheap apartment so you could save more for a sailboat. You check your phone, seeing a notification telling you your Uber was waiting, then you closed the door and made your way down the steps.

You kept the duffel in your lap the entire car ride. The driver gave you a look when he saw the duffel bag mixed with the fact that he was taking you to the hospital. You didn’t say anything the entire way, besides a simple thank you when he pulled up to the hospital.

You walked into the hospital, duffel flung over your shoulders and made your way down the hall. It was late, there was a nurse hunched over the front desk as she scribbled something down, no one paid you any mind. As you walked through the halls, reading the signs as you went to make sure you were headed to the right place, you saw other doctors and nurses helping patients and doing paperwork.

You leaned back in the elevator, staring emptily at the doors as you rode it to the correct floor. Mabel would never approve of what you were about to do, she might have appreciated it and wouldn’t mind this happening to the good doctor, but she definitely wouldn’t have approved of you doing it. You weren’t about to let this asshole to take advantage of Mabel because he saved your life. You weren’t the most upstanding citizen by any means, and you truly didn’t care what others did, but he was a doctor, he took an oath, and he was trying to take advantage of people who needed his help. He used his position and status to get people what they needed but he made sure it cost them.

You exited the elevator, walking down the long hallway with a determined look. The floor was filled with mostly offices, there was hardly anyone in there, seemed most were home or were on the other floors with their patients. You turned down what should have been the last corner when you quickly retreated back down the hall, pressing yourself up against the wall and gripping your duffel a bit tighter. You peeked around the corner, making sure to stay as out of sight as possible.

“Are you sure?” A nurse asked, standing in the doorway of the only office with a light still on.

“Yes,” the doctor’s voice came. You stepped back, fully hiding yourself behind the wall again when you saw him appear in the doorway as well. “I just have to finish up some paperwork.”

The nurse nodded. “Try not to make it too late of a night this time.”

The Doctor chuckled, saying his final goodbyes to the nurse. You held your breath hoping the nurse wouldn’t walk down the hall you were down. When she never appeared, you peeked around the corner again, seeing she was nowhere in sight. The doctor's office still had the light on, and the door was now just barely cracked open.

You darted across the hall, slipping through the open door before anyone else could potentially see you. “I’m sorry I think you-” the doctors words died in his mouth when he looked up from his desk. As soon as you made eye contact you whipped out the gun you had tucked away.

You glanced out the window when you heard someone walking across the floor. You made sure to press your body as close to the little bit of wall between the door and window, silently thanking whatever higher being there was that the blinds were dark, and the desk lamp didn’t light the room enough for you to be spotted unless someone was trying to see into the room. You kept your gun on the doctor, raising a finger to your mouth.

“Have a good night doctor,” the nurse called out. Your eyes tracked the nurse’s movements through the window.

“You as well,” the doctor called out, his voice calmer than one should be when they had a gun pointed at them.

Your eyes continued to follow the nurse as she passed the door, walking down the hall you had come. You kept your gun on the doctor, not wanting him to get any smart ideas. You didn’t push off the wall and move to the middle of the office until you could no longer hear the nurse’s footsteps.

“This is the thanks I get for saving your life?” the doctor asked, folding his hands together over his desk as if he was the one in control.

“I appreciate you doing that,” you admitted. You didn’t want to kill the dude, he did save your life, without him you surely would have bled out on Mabel’s bed, then she really would have hated you. “But I’m going to need you to leave Mabel alone.”

The doctor let out a tired sigh, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. “Me and Mabel go way back,” he smirked. You were seriously reconsidering shooting him. “My business with her doesn’t concern you.”

“It does when that ‘business’ is saving my life.” You stepped forwards, slinging the duffel bag off your shoulder, and dropped it onto the doctor’s desk.

“What’s this?”

You rolled your eyes and gestured with the gun for him to open it. The doctor let out another sigh as he pushed back his chair and stood up. He stepped forward, his eyes flicking back up to you as he put his fingers on the zipper. You waited as he slowly began to open the bag, from the way his eyes moved along with the zipper it seemed like he expected for there to be a bomb or body parts in the bag, probably anything but loads of cash.

When the bag was fully open, and the cash stuffed inside was visible, the doctor stepped back. “What-” he gestured to the bag, then looked back up at you.

“Payment,” you said, staring the doctor straight in the eye. “For saving my life. Mabel owes you nothing now.”

The doctor chuckled as he walked around his desk to stand directly in front of you. “That’s not the way this,” he pointed back to the bag. “Works,” he looked back at you with that same condescending smirk he seemed to always give Mabel.

You brought up your hand, whipping the gun across the side of his head. You sighed as he let out a small scream. He didn’t seem to think you were actually going to hurt him, you would have to change that.

“What the hell,” the doctor groaned out.

Before the doctor could fully recover you brought your knee up, hearing his nose crunch on impact. The doctor let out another yell, much more nasally as he brought his hand up, falling back and bumping his head on his desk. You crouched down, staring at his face as his nose continued to gush blood, all of it seeping through his fingers.

“You’re insane,” he said as he brought his hand away, blood still streaming out of his nose.

You bobbed your head back and forth. “Maybe a little,” you said softly, before punching him in the face again. The force from your punch made his head snap back against the desk.

You delivered a few more punches to his face, he most definitely had a broken nose, would probably end up with two black eyes, and a busted lip. When you were finally done punching him, he was left slumped against his desk, a string of blood dripping out of his mouth and bruising already starting to form around his eyes.

You stood up, looking over your work. You let out a little hum as you saw the doctors’ hands laying limply at his side. The doctor was an arrogant prideful man, he didn’t fear for his life when there was a gun pointed at his head, but you knew exactly what his type did fear. You stepped forward, hovering your boot over his right hand, his dominant hand, the hand that made him everything he was.

“Wha-what are you-what are you doing?” he rasped out, his breathing much wheezier than it had been before.

You sighed, looking around his office, seeing all the certificates and awards in his name, seeing the photos of him shaking hands with rich and powerful people. “Making sure my message is clear,” you said.

You slowly pressed your boot down, crushing his hand and fingers at an agonizingly slow pace. Despite his screams, despite his other hand reaching over and trying to pull your foot off, you could hear it all, you heard his bones crunching, you could practically feel the way his fingers cracked beneath your boot. You ignored his weak grip on your ankle as he desperately tried to pull you off, as you bent down, getting only inches from his face.

“Mabel’s debt is paid,” you spoke slowly, your voice cold. “Do no contact her again.” The doctor was staring down at your boot over his hand, but he had stopped pulling at your leg, you knew he was listening. “If you do,” you pressed the gun to his head, making him lean his head up so he was looking you in the eye. “I’ll kill you.” You stared at him for a moment, you could see the anger and hatred in his eyes, but he didn’t move a muscle. “Understood?” you pressed the gun harder against his temple.

He furiously nodded his head. “Verbal response,” you snarked, “please.”

“Understood!” he said through gritted teeth. “Now, get off my fucking hand.”

You took the gun away from his head, you could hear him let out a shaky breath afterwards. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

You stood up, shoving the gun in your waistband. You gave your boot one final twist on his hand, earning more crunches from his fingers and a muffled scream from him. Without another glance at him you turned and walked out of his office, making sure to slam the door closed on your way out. You wore a smirk on your lips as you strolled out of the hospital, you didn’t care that you were about to head off to your certain death, at least Mabel didn’t owe that douchebag anything, and once you were gone, she could finally have the life she deserved.

#mabel (finestkind)#mabel finestkind #mabel x reader #mabel x fem!reader #mabel x you #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader #finestkind 2023 #luck runs out

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killstarrs · 2 months

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first kiss with hamzah!

° ♡ •

-you had to be the one to initiate y’all’s first kiss, and on that note you had to teach him how to kiss lol

-he was sooooo super nervous about it

-it happened when y’all were hanging out at a park. it was almost sunset and you were originally there with y’all’s friend group but because of how late it was getting, everyone except you and hamzah left

-y’all’s friends definitely did that on purpose to make him nervous lolol

-he was rambling to you, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t nervous at all, even though you could tell. he wasn’t keeping eye contact and he was stuttering like crazy.

-you were a little bit tipsy, from the drinks your friends brought earlier, but not drunk. it just gave you a little more courage.

-you had seen how he looked at you when he wasn’t careful. it seemed every time you turned around he was there, staring.

-you were attempting to make direct eye contact with him, following his eyes as he tried to break it.

-my boy was sweating bullets LMAO

‘hamzah,’ you interrupted

-he stopped fully and looked at you worriedly

‘uhhhhh, yea?’ he replied

-you two were both sitting down, you with your knees to your chest and him doing the same, facing away from each other

-you turned to him, shifting your weight onto one hip to face him.

-he didn’t know what you were going to say and that was driving him crazy.

‘you’ve been acting kinda weird lately’ you said, in a matter of fact tone.

-he choked on his air and coughed a little

‘really?? i havent tried to be weird or……anything’ he replies, not looking at you

-its true though, and he knows it. you two have known each other since around 2021, when you first moved to Toronto. you were an online personality like he was, so y’all quickly met because of mutual friends in the area

-he knew you were cute, but when y’all first met his crush wasn’t that big. but over the years and getting to know you, he only fell harder.

-you were one of the smartest, kindest, and funniest people he knew. plus he thought you were very hot and he brought it up to martin a lot, trusting him to keep his secret.

‘whats been on your mind?’ you ask, looking him in the eye, staring too deep for his liking

‘well…um,’ he replied, feeling as though you were staring into his soul. ‘i dunno.’

-you huff, not the answer you were looking for. you had liked hamzah since you met him. and you knew he liked you because mandy spilled the beans one day.

‘i feel like you’re just acting strange around me,’ you stated, ‘is it something i did?’

-his heart sank.

‘nonononono,’ he reassures, ‘its nothing you did, you’re fine. its just- i dont know how to put it.’ he says looking down and slightly blushing.

-you think about how you can get this man to spill, and you turn over ideas in your head. you two sit in silence for a moment.

‘y’know, mandy did tell me something a couple months ago, ‘ you say in a knowing tone.

-his heart immediately starts going 100 miles a minutes, remembering that if martin hears something, he cant keep his mouth shit around mandy.

-you and mandy are very close friends, so she would definitely tell you

‘oh…..what uh was it?’ he asked, visibly nervous.

‘its probably nothing now,’ you tease, ‘but she said that a couple months ago you told martin that you had a crush on me.’

-he puts his face in his palms, knowing he cant hide his blush. cursing martin mentally.

‘oh yea um yea i definitely did bit its uh nothing now,’ he chokes out.

-you giggle at his reaction

‘you’re not acting like its nothing now,’ you laugh, looking at him all distraught.

-you laughing calms him, but then makes him 10 times more embarrassed because he doesn’t think you like him back.

-he turns to face you

‘look y/n i did kinda have a crush on you but only for a little bit! i swear its nothing now and everything’s cool and please dont be mad-,’ he rambles on like this for a good minute, trying to lessen the blow of rejection.

‘hamzah.’ you say, again making deep eye contact that makes him nervous.

‘umm yes?’ he says, his voice slightly cracking.

‘have you ever kissed anyone before?’ you ask blushing.

-this throws him wayyyyyy off guard. he’s beet red now, and kinda sweaty lol. he has only ever gotten close to kissing someone, never actually doing it. he’s scared to admit that, but he knows, as a friend, that you wouldn’t judge him.

‘um,’ he coughs, ‘no actually.’

‘can i kiss you?’ you ask boldly, also beet red by this point. you’ve never been so bold with someone in your life.

‘what? um if you want i dunno-,’ he attempts to ramble out of nervousness again but you stop him by putting a hand on his cheek.

-he instantly stops talking to face you, his heart beating out of his chest.

-you slowly move your face closer to his, admiring it as you inch close.

-you softly put your lips to his to test the waters

-his years long pent up emotions come out all at once, and he deepens the kiss.

-its rushed and juvenile but it feels so peaceful.

-you kiss for a beat longer and pull away slowly, his head following yours, not ready for this kiss is to be over.

-be looks you in the eyes and stares for a minute, wondering if you felt the same way the whole time. how could someone like you like him?? you were perfect in his eyes.

‘holy shit’

#hamzahthefantastic #slushynoobz #hamzah x reader

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eddies-house · 8 months

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Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 |

Smoke Signals

Chapter Seven - Halloween

W/C: 10K

Eddie x Fem reader - Grumpy!Bartender!Eddie x Shy!Reader

Or where you show up to the town's biggest Halloween Bash and you unexpectantly take on the roll of a babysitter.

A/N: this is a long one..and tbh some of it isn't edited...but i'm super excited about this one but also nervous.

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Bass bumped through the unfamiliar house, vibrating all the way down the driveway and to the street where you stood. Shouting could be heard, no doubt a collection of drunks getting overly excited about something usually mundane. Fog smothered the driveway, a decision you felt was made by someone sober at the time of setting it up only to neglect the fact that everyone would be wasted by the time it got dark, sending people tumbling down the driveway in their drunken state. It did add to the atmosphere though, a nice touch that gave it that eerie, spooky feel the owner was probably going for.

As you trekked up the lengthy and steep driveway, a mock graveyard sat to the right, taking up the space that would usually be the front yard. Fake limbs stuck out of the dirt and splatters of blood painted the plastic headstones. A lonely skeleton sat propped up against one, his arm hanging around it as if it were his good friend. Some pumpkins appeared to be slaughtered and littered throughout the yard, the guts surely rotting in the grass and in one of the trees, hung a hopefully fake body, swaying in the chilly breeze.

From what you had heard, the owners went all out every year, Halloween night being their specialty. The closer to the house you got, the louder the music and the louder the voices got. Donnie had told you that it would be a rager but you severely underestimated her words and took them as a joke. You were already hesitant to even attend but now, you were fully questioning if you should even dare to step through the door. It’d be smart to turn around now and go home, maybe watch a few movies and indulge in that candy you’d bought and placed in a large bowl on the coffee table at home. Half of it was gone of course, you stealing a piece here and there throughout the past week. You could stuff your face with the rest if you left now.

No.

You had to be brave and walk through that door with confidence. Even if it was fake. You were never going to meet new people if you kept hiding away in your tower. This town was never going to feel like home if you didn't start treating it like it. Donnie was the closest person you had to a friend and as much as you appreciated her, she was more than half your age and had a whole family already. She mentioned that people ‘your age’ would definitely be at this party, everyone went to this party.

You can’t miss it. She assured.

But on another hand, no one would miss you anyway, no one ever did. Even if they did know of you. There was no harm in trekking back down the driveway and rushing home to snuggle up in your pajamas, right?

No, you have to do this. You have to push yourself out of your comfort zone even if it feels like you're diving off a cliff. But what if everyone stares at you? And whispers about how they didn’t invite you? Donnie promised anyone who’s anyone attends this party, even people from a few town’s over who hear about it from a friend of a friend. So why couldn’t you shake the feeling that you just didn’t belong? That you were intruding.

Everyone’s gonna hate me.

It was especially embarrassing that you were wearing a Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz costume. It wasn’t even all that out there but you felt so uncomfortable without your standard wardrobe. You felt as if your ruby red glittery heels would suddenly draw unwanted attention, your pigtails making a mockery out of you even if just for the costume. Everyone dressed up so why were you the exception? Why were you the only one they would single out, especially in such a common Halloween costume? You were sure there would probably be much more flamboyant costumes, ghouls and goblins covered in blood, zombies with ungodly amounts of face paint, and even vampires with those ridiculous plastic teeth. No one made fun of them so why were you so insecure?

Every possible outcome ran through your brain while you stalled on the doormat. That is until two men dressed in chicken suits bursted through the door, cackling while they set up for a smoke break on the front porch, completely missing you as you stood there terrified. They leaned over the railing as they went on, slurring about how crazy it was that someone had somehow punctured a hole in the keg, a seemingly impossible task.

You took the opportunity to slip in through the cracked door, gently closing it behind you as you entered the chaos that was the famous Knife’s Edge Halloween Bash. Strobe lights flashed in the corners of what you could make out as the living room and the regular light bulbs in the ceiling were all switched out for purple and green, adding to the ambience. The floor was hidden beneath a sea of people dancing their hearts out to Thriller by Michael Jackson, some attempting to actually perform the dance, and others simply flailing their limbs around and hoping for the best.

A rather convincing mummy was stealing the show, everyone else creating a circle around him as he danced like no one was watching. Not one person glanced your way, either too intoxicated to notice or just unbothered seeing as there were already over a hundred people occupying the house. The line of cars you’d seen up and down the street should have given that away but to be fair, you were too busy running circles in your head and rehearsing how you were going to walk in. All of that went straight to the garbage once you saw the nature of the place.

Everyone was too caught up in having fun to take note of a timid Dorothy sneaking through the front door. Fun. Something you couldn’t see yourself having unless you had at least a drink or two in you. It’s sad but it was the only way to loosen up around such a large volume of people. Sobriety was not an option unless you wanted to remain an anxious fly on the wall.

The only issue was finding the source of alcohol, more than likely in the kitchen which you had yet to locate. In order to get anywhere, you would have to weave through the crowd of sweaty bodies, the smell of tequila and beer already filling your nostrils just by standing a few feet away from them.

Taking a deep breath, you clutch your little wicker basket close to your body and begin squeezing in between people with a polite ‘excuse me’ accompanying every accidental touch. Along the way you pass a preppy cheerleader, a few stereotypical vampires, a cowboy and a cow, a dentist, and some guy with a fake chainsaw covered in fake blood. You’re finally able to see your destination just through a large archway, relief already finding you as you inch closer and closer.

The kitchen’s fluorescent lighting is a major contrast to the purple and green throughout the rest of the house. It still follows the spooky theme, however, with an orange tablecloth draped over the island and purple and orange streamers hanging from the doorway. On the island sits a large punch bowl filled with mysterious red liquid along with a stack of red cups and a few choices of liquor next to it. A bowl of pretzels and some Halloween themed cupcakes are placed next to that, and at the other end, is a bucket of candy along with some various kinds of chips.

Hanging from the chandelier is a homemade ghost using a torn sheet, the eyes and mouth filled in with sharpie. The floor is sticky as you slowly make your way forward, most likely the mysterious liquid that had been spilled several times throughout the night already. More shouting can be heard from the living room, some kind of dance off being announced that you would gladly hide from. So far, you didn’t recognize anyone although it would be pretty difficult to seeing as everyone was dressed up.

Gingerly, you grab a cup and scoop the smallest amount of the mystery liquid in. Upon taking the tiniest sip, you can determine that it's some kind of jungle juice. A hangover in a cup. With disgust written on your face, you discreetly throw out the remaining juice in the sink, instead opting to take a shot or two to loosen up. Maybe just one for now. You learned your lesson when taking four straight tequila shots at a time and didn’t need a repeat. Especially at a party with several hundred people as witnesses.

So you fill the bottom of your cup with some whiskey, a generous shot. Throwing it back, it goes down a lot smoother than that tequila had, the burn being mild but still causing your face to twist. The cup is discarded in the trash, cutting yourself off before you can get ahead so as not to get absolutely wasted within minutes. If you had an appetite, you’d snatch one of those delicious looking cupcakes but unfortunately, you needed to pace yourself. Nerves and alcohol didn't make for the most stable stomach and you were already feeling queasy just from the mere thought of having to socialize with strangers.

Exploring further into the house, you exit through the other archway leading into a dining room that displays even more food than the kitchen, a whole buffet laid out for guests including potato salad, macaroni salad, various horderves, snack mix, a giant bowl of M&Ms, and more. A dream for a child, dinner and dessert all in one.

A few partygoers were scooping some food onto their plates, chatting about who knows what while you moved on to the next room which appeared to be the family room. The TV played some kind of horror film while absolutely no one watched it, the room almost empty aside from a couple in the corner making out.

A few pops and some celebratory yells are heard just out the back sliding door, drawing you in. The closer you got, you could see someone dressed as a scarecrow holding a bottle of champagne overflowing onto the deck. You were curious as to what everyone was celebrating but got cold feet when you reached for the handle, your hand glued to it but not putting any effort into actually sliding it open. Just as you decided you were going to chicken out and find a corner to hang out in instead, someone points at the door, outing you, causing your blood to run cold in embarrassment. When the scarecrow turns around, you can see that it's Donnie, face paint pulling her whole look together.

At the sight of you, her face lights up, hands thrown up in excitement as the champagne she’s holding sloshes over and further coats the deck. She doesn’t seem to mind, as she hands off the bottle to someone else and makes her way over to the door, sliding it open. Your cheeks begin to feel hot as people stare at the interaction, unwanted attention that you could’ve escaped had you been quicker.

“You made it!” She just about squeals, giving you a tight squeeze.

She had clearly had a few drinks, unafraid of any affection as she previously stated that she hated friendly affection of any kind, more prone to use her words to show appreciation. But you didn’t mind, Donnie was the one person you were comfortable with and your one friend so if she happened to show affection while under the influence, so be it. And maybe by her doing so, you wouldn’t appear to be such a freak to what seemed to be her friends. Maybe it would grant you acceptance into their circle.

“I made it.” You repeat with a polite smile.

“So we were just popping some champagne we found.” Donnie explains. “No rhyme or reason, we just found it inside and thought, hell lets just go at it.”

Nodding, you try to appear as enthusiastic as possible, covering up your anxiety to the best of your ability. People were still staring at you and it was proving difficult to just ignore it, holes practically being burned into you. A few of them you recognized as regulars at the bar but the rest were complete strangers. Either way, you were intimidated.

“You want some?” Donnie offers to which you begin shaking your head frantically.

“No, no, I’m okay! I already had something and I have to drive later anyway.” You explain.

Donnie nods understandingly before starting a dreadful introduction to the group. She points out Brian, Sam, and Wyatt, her sons who were fully grown, the oldest Brian, being around thirty. You didn’t catch who was the youngest or middle since Donnie was talking so fast. Then she reintroduces you to her husband, Nathan, who you had previously met at the supermarket though Donnie didn’t seem to remember in her current state. Then there were the owners of the house, Crystal and Gabriel, a very nice couple in their forties who made Halloween their night and everyone knew it. Apparently Thanksgiving was Donnie and Nathan’s holiday according to a little comment uttered by Crystal. There were what seemed to be a dozen more introductions though you couldn’t recall every single person. You only remember Donnie skimming by an introduction to Jett’s mom, Kristy who seemed like a lovely woman.

Thankfully, once everyone was acquainted with you, they seemed to move one rather quickly and continued on with their festivities. A fire pit sat in the middle of the deck, crackling away while a few individuals rested on the chairs circling it, warming themselves up. Some orange lights were wound around the railing accompanied by some fake cotton spiderwebs. Everyone held a drink in their hand except you and you were starting to regret not at least carrying your empty cup with you to occupy your awkward hands. Rookie mistake.

Your breathing becomes increasingly shallow with each passing second, panic settling in as you attempt to remember how to act like a person. You almost contemplate rushing off to the bathroom to hide but quickly scrap the idea, knowing Donnie may take notice. Instead, you stupidly shuffle your feet in place, trying to ground yourself with no luck.

In your inner turmoil, you can vaguely hear everyone else engaging in conversation about their lives or some silly story. Something you didn’t care to tune into as your inner monologue chants at you to run. Even with the one shot that you thought would relax you, you still feel your shoulders tensing and your jaw tightening anxiously. If anyone were to initiate small talk with you right now, you’d come off like a dunce, thoughts unable to form gracefully. Tonight was definitely a bad idea and you should’ve just stayed home where you knew your place.

Uncomfortably, you remain standing as everyone passes around the champagne. There was no way to dismiss yourself without seeming like you were rude and awkward. This was hell.

“Okay, elders!” You hear a familiar voice from around the corner, steps clunking up the deck stairs. “We got your drugs, now pay up.”

Jett emerges, a second pair of steps heard behind him. He’s dressed like a greaser, hair slicked back as he wears a white shirt tucked into his tight jeans.

“We got the goodies!” Eddie singsongs from behind him, dangling a plastic bag full of weed.

Eddie seems to be dressed as…himself? With a bit of smudged eyeliner. His torso is covered with his standard black leather jacket and he’s pretty much wearing what he wears in his day to day. Except when he dramatically flings his leather jacket at Jett, he sports a very revealing cut off shirt, all ripped and torn. And his fingernails are painted black.

“Jeez, Eddie! You’re gonna catch a cold, put that back on or go inside!” Donnie scolds.

“‘M fine.” He mutters, tossing the weed at Jett who just barely catches it as he drops Eddie’s jacket to the floor.

Donnie sighs, giving up on the argument seeing that Eddie was too stubborn to listen. Suddenly you feel yourself warm up, the chill October air no longer pinching at your cheeks as they grow hot again. Not out of embarrassment this time.

“Gon’ get ‘nother beer.” Eddie mumbles, stumbling toward you though he doesn’t realize it yet.

“That kid gives me a headache and he’s not even mine.” Donnie says.

“Hey!” Eddie whines, turning back toward the group mid stride. “You claimed me ‘s one ‘f your own, ‘member?” He points at her.

Several people chuckle at the scene while Donnie rolls her eyes and waves him off. He was clearly a lot more intoxicated than everyone else. His waddle toward the sliding door is evidence enough.

“Drink some water, boy.” Nathan advises.

“‘Rink some water.” Eddie mocks in a high pitch to himself while hiccuping before colliding into your shoulder. “Oh shit.”

Stumbling backwards, you stabilize yourself while his hands reach out and rest a bit too comfortably on top of your shoulders, heavy handed. Almost as if he were using you to keep himself up. When you dare to glance up, you’re met with heavy, glazed over eyes, bloodshot and decorated in smeared black liner. His lips paint a perfectly content smile as he sways back and forth, unbalanced.

“Bambi.” He cooes.

“Hi.” You whisper, startled like a mouse.

“Heyyy.” He draws out eyes becoming even heavier if possible.

“Um—“

“Munson, get off ‘er.” Jett laughs, shoving Eddie to the side. He manages to save himself from face planting into the deck, leaning himself against the side of the house.

“Should kick ‘yr ass.” Eddie mutters, glaring at Jett.

“No one wants you leanin’ on ‘em like that!” Jett defends. “Hey, Bambi.” He greets you.

At this, Eddie appears enraged, his face visibly going red as he shoots Jett a glare that no one would want to be on the receiving end of. Everyone else seemed to have moved on, paying no mind to Eddie’s sudden shift in mood.

“Hi, Jett.” You reply, a friendly grin gracing your lips.

With a grunt, Eddie pushes off the wall and storms inside, evidently pissed about something. Jett shares the same confused expression as you, shrugging while he starts asking how you are, if you’re enjoying the party, and if you’d seen the huge array of food they had out yet. You answer all of his questions to his satisfaction but mentally, you’re trying to track Eddie down. Trying to understand what set him off and made him leave with such irritation. Had this been the first week you met him, you would’ve dismissed it as his normal temper but now that you’d known him for almost two months and gotten to know how his emotions function, you knew better.

He had also clearly been under the influence which could mean nothing happened and his emotions were just sensitive. But you had a strong suspicion that there was a definite reason he abruptly got angry and rushed inside. No one else seemed to notice, aside from you and Jett. And he obviously paid no mind and didn’t intend on going after Eddie so maybe you were missing something. Or maybe everyone was also blinded by their intoxication and you were the only sound minded individual in the group right now.

“Oh and then—“

“I think I’m gonna head inside, it’s kinda cold out here.” You interrupt Jett’s tangent on his and Eddie’s journey down the road to collect the weed they had been sent to pick up.

“Oh well just take this.” He says, snatching up Eddie’s jacket off the ground and handing it to you.

You should’ve come up with a different excuse though to be fair, you didn’t think he’d hand you Eddie’s jacket. He was supposed to follow your lead and let you go inside. Wasn’t he concerned about Eddie too?

“T-thank you.” You clutch the jacket in your hand, draping it over your forearm.

“Yeah! So we were just walking—“

“Jett, I’m sorry I’m gonna run to the bathroom, okay?” You cut him off again.

You felt bad for seeming so uninterested in what he had to say but you couldn’t go much longer without knowing if Eddie had gotten himself into trouble. He was super out of it from what you could tell and it was eating away at you. It only made it worse that he was so angry and if you were the most sober one at the party, it would be in your hands if something happened to him and you knew he had run off.

“Okay—“

Before Jett can get another word in, you spin on your heel and rush inside, the music still blaring and everyone still screaming from the living room. The whole house felt like it was vibrating, your body buzzing as the bass dropped. That same couple still remained in the corner making out, their stamina impressing you.

Entering the kitchen, there’s no sight of Eddie, only a few guests topping off their drinks and toasting to themselves loudly. Realistically, you should take another shot to calm your nerves but this nightmare of an evening needed to be cut short and you would need to drive home as soon as you found him and returned him to the group.

Dreadfully walking yourself back into the living room where the heart of the party beats, you focus on each individual, attempting to spot the one dressed in all black with almost no shirt, tattoos, and a head full of brown curls. It proves to be more difficult since the lighting was so dim and the strobe lights left you seeing spots.

Everyone seems to be having the time of their life and here you are, worried sick about someone who never thinks twice about you. Even before he arrived you were having the worst time and wanted to go home immediately. Halloween would’ve been perfect if you stayed home where you couldn’t make a fool of yourself in front of people.

“Tequila!” A woman dressed as a slutty maid shouts, carrying a tray full of shots past you, only eliciting a gag from the back of your throat at the smell. “No tequila for you then.” She jokes, you shaking your head as you cover your nose.

It was obvious that Eddie wasn’t going to hit the dance floor after getting so infuriated. Unless that’s the first thing he would do in his state? You weren’t completely sure but you were almost certain that he wouldn’t. As a large group gathers around for shots, you manage to escape down a hallway where you imagine the bathroom might be. It’s completely dark, the only light coming from underneath a door on the left, probably the bathroom. At the end of the hall is what looks like a bedroom, the moonlight shining in from the blinds to just barely reveal a bed.

No one seemed to be in said bed, an empty room for people to crash in at the end of the night. Eddie could be in the bathroom but you’d have to be sure before leaving. With a shy knock on the door, struggle to hear any voice that might respond. Pressing your ear to the door, you try again, only to be met with the annoyed voice of a woman saying she’ll be out in a second and that she was fixing her lipstick.

Clearly not Eddie.

At this point you’ve covered the downstairs, no sign of the man so far. He would be good at hide and seek, you assume. Or maybe you’re just the blind. Retracing your steps back out into the living room, you collide with a few bodies, none of them paying any mind to the impact as they continue to dance, flailing around like rag dolls. You didn’t think it was possible for the room to get any more humid but you were proven wrong, sweat grazing your arms as you pass by and attempt to avoid touching anyone, failing miserably.

Your perfect ruby heels are starting to kill you, digging into your skin in all the wrong places, making it more difficult to walk with every step you take. You know for sure that come the morning, you’ll have blisters that will be bothering you for days. Reluctantly, you slide them off and scoop them up, dangling them by your fingers, Eddie’s jacket still hanging off your arm. You were becoming a walking closet.

Going upstairs didn’t seem like a great decision seeing as this wasn’t your house and you didn’t want to give Crystal and Gabriel the impression that you liked to snoop around. Although, if someone did see you, you could just vouch for yourself by saying you were looking for a bathroom and the downstairs one was taken already. So up you went, nervously glancing behind you. The coast seemed clear, not one person paying you any mind, the party still capturing their undivided attention.

Like magic, Eddie appears as you reach the top of the stairs, leaning against one of the doors as he weakly knocks, his forehead pressed to the wood. He was gorgeous, the perfect image of an 80’s rockstar gone 90’s. His back was nearly on display, shoulders all broad and waist lean. You could make out bat wings tattooed symmetrically on his shoulder blades and something along his ribs. The sight flustered you but you were here for one purpose and that was to retrieve him and get him back to Donnie so she or someone else could keep an eye on him.

“Dude, ‘urry up!” He whines into the door, pounding on it with more force. “Hafta piss ‘n maybe throw u—up.” He hiccups.

You want to giggle but quickly remember how miserable that feeling is, your stomach rejecting you and releasing its contents in protest of the alcohol you continue to bombard it with. You realize that no light pours out from underneath the door which meant the bathroom had to be available.

“Eddie, I don’t think anyone’s in there.” You offer, slowly walking up behind him.

“Pfft, it’s locked.” He scoffs, hitting his forehead against the wood with a thump.

When you reach your hand toward the handle and twist the door open, he gasps, nearly falling head first into the bathroom. It wasn’t thought through, opening a door with a grown man leaning his full weight onto it. Luckily, he catches himself, hands gripping the countertop as he sways.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” You hiss, voice tinged with regret.

“‘S okay.” He mumbles, pulling his zipper down.

“Oh!” Covering your eyes, you shut the door.

“Wait, wait, wait!”

“Eddie, I am not standing in there with you while you pee!” You yell through the door.

“God.” He groans, a stream following. “Just—I know!”

“I’ll stand right here and make sure you don’t fall and hit your head, okay?” You bargain.

“Okay.”

After several seconds, you don’t hear any movement, worry kicking in once again. He couldn’t have hit his head, you would’ve heard it. What if he passed out but didn’t hit anything? It was pathetic, the way worry would grow inside you solely for him. Just when you begin a countdown to burst through the door to check on him, you can hear the unmistakable sound of him puking his guts out. Now you wonder if you should go in anyway and hold his hair back.

Dry heaving is heard through the door, the awful sound the only thing you can focus on. You can’t take it anymore. You can only hope he remembered to zip his pants back up in his drunken state. Opening the door, you reveal Eddie hunched over the toilet, his hair draped over his shoulders, clearly in his way. You rush to his side, dropping your heels and his jacket in the process and collecting his curls in your hands, pulling them back as he breathes heavily, drool hanging from his mouth. His eyes are wet and his hands are shaky as they grip the toilet seat. You feel as if he should be vomiting in your lap for payback for puking on him that one night.

“Ah shit.” He complains, shaking his head. “Round two, get o—out”. He gags.

Throw up was the embodiment of the most disgusting thing you could ever think of, smell and everything but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care at this moment. Even with his clammy skin and pukey lips.

“It’s okay, just let it out.” You encourage him, hesitantly running a hand over his back, regretting doing so as you feel the muscles under his skin tense.

“Seriously, out.” He almost vomits, swallowing it down.

The action alone should be enough to have you jumping up and leaving but you stay.

“Eddie, just puke it all up. It’s fine. I’m gonna hold your hair.” You tell him.

He shudders, glancing over at you with his bloodshot eyes. It’s like he’s shooting daggers at you before his eyes soften involuntarily, irises becoming that caramel toned warmness you were becoming more and more familiar with. His pupils are dilated, huge planets in the middle of his eyes, clearly high and drunk though you still recognize the puppy dog-look he was giving you.

“Eddie, if you don’t puke right now—“

As if on command, he lunges forward and spews out the rest of his stomach. The sound makes you wince but you try to hide it as best as you can for his sake. It’s not his fault his body is reacting to the substances he put into his body. Maybe it is his fault since he put those substances into his body but regardless, you felt for him. Once it has to come out, it has to come out and there’s no going back.

“There you go.” You soothe, fingertips gently raking up and down his spine.

“Fuck.” He whispers into the bowl, spitting out a huge glob of saliva. It would repulse you if it were anyone else.

“It’s okay.” You whisper just as quietly.

Grabbing the toilet paper and folding it a few times, you rip it and hand it to him to clean himself up. You linger for a few seconds, waiting for him to grab it but he only continues to stare into the toilet bowl, hands braced on either side. Just when you’re about to speak up again, he goes in for a third round. You can’t help but feel bad for him even if the smell is nauseating you.

“You want some water?” You offer, standing up in preparation to go find him some.

“No, stay.” He blindly grabs the hem of your dress, wiping his mouth with his forearm.

He didn’t seem to have a follow up reason as to why he wanted you to stay but you do anyway. It was still a concern of yours that he stayed hydrated but you would tuck the thought aside momentarily to appease him.

“Okay, what do you need?”

Finally, he relaxes, his stomach seemingly empty now as he sits back against the wall. A sigh leaves his lips, relief slipping off of them as he gazes up at the ceiling. Shutting his eyes, he shows no indication of responding anytime soon, his pale face exhausted. Sitting down beside him was your best bet, that way if he did decide that he needed to spill his guts again, you were there to assist. And it was especially comforting to sit there just in case he passed out since he was at risk of hitting his head against something. He was obviously still out of it, sobriety seeping in very slowly, the room more than likely spinning from his perspective.

“Dizzy?” You ask.

“Mhm.” He hums, squeezing his eyes shut as if it would aid in steadying the room.

“You need water.”

“Mm.” He disagrees, shaking his head.

“Yes, it’ll help with the dizziness…probably.” You tell him, standing up once again.

This time he doesn’t protest, the message sinking in. You do, however, worry what could happen in the seconds that you’re gone. But, you have no other options right now.

“Stay here—Eddie, stay here. Do you hear me? Don’t move.” You try to drill into his brain.

All he offers is a weak nod, unable to even open his eyes. Satisfied enough with the response, you speed out of the bathroom and down the stairs into the kitchen. It was easy enough to grab a cup and fill it with water, dodging the wasted party guests that had gathered around the counter to play some kind of drinking game.

“Hey, where did you run off to!” Jett calls over to you.

Carefully, carrying the cup of water as not to spill, you turn around to meet his cheerful face. He had clearly gotten into that weed stash as his eyes were even more bloodshot than Eddie’s and his face was the most relaxed you’d ever seen it. And he was a pretty laid back guy so that was saying something.

“Oh, uh, Eddie’s not feeling good so I was just helping him out.” You explain.

Jett offers a suspicious squint, eyes glimmering in mischief as he reaches for a cupcake.

“What?” You ask genuinely.

He shakes his head, sticking his hands up in surrender which only makes you question the strange boy further. What was going on in that hyperactive mind of his?

“Nothin’” He smirks, orange icing coating his upper lip.

You didn’t have time for him to elaborate, if you could even get him to. You just needed to get back upstairs, you had already been gone for a few seconds too long, worry burying in your gut like a parasite.

“Okay, I have to get back to Eddie and make sure he hasn’t done something stupid.”

“Mmmhmm.” Jett giggles.

If only you had the time to interrogate him and inquire as to why he found that so funny. But you didn’t. Leaving him behind to laugh to himself, you can just barely make out one last word as you turn on your heel.

“Lovebirds.”

Your eyes grow ten times bigger as you scurry away. Did he think that’s what this was? That you were on your way to hook up with your boss? Did it look that way to everyone else? Jett was going to rat you out for something you weren’t even doing, you were convinced. No matter how nice of a guy Jett proved he was, he was higher than a kite and could start up a rumor like wildfire if he relayed his suspicion to anyone. It’s possible you were being paranoid but come the morning, if there were rumors floating around, you knew exactly who to blame.

Trying to shake the butterflies you felt taking your stomach hostage, you concentrate on getting the water upstairs without spilling a drop. It was evident that you had filled the cup a tad too high, giving you even more of a challenge. As you conquer the stairs, you anxiously peer around the corner into the bathroom, hoping and praying that Eddie had listened and didn’t move an inch. Otherwise, you were on another goosechase for a six foot tall metalhead for the second time that night and respectfully, your organs wouldn’t be able to handle another spurt of anxiety like that.

Much to your relief, Eddie sits against the wall just as you had left him, eyes still shut tight and head bowed. He doesn’t seem to hear your sock covered feet padding into the bathroom, not one muscle twitching.

“Eddie.” You call, holding the water in front of him.

No answer.

“Eddie?” You say, more panicked.

Nothing.

“Okay, this isn’t funny, Eddie. C’mon, drink the water.” You tell him, gripping his chin as you examine him.

His eyes seem to flutter beneath his eyelids, brows furrowing as his head resists your hand and leans toward gravity. You continue to hold him up, giving his cheek a small pat. A deep groan escapes him although he’s still practically sleeping.

“Eddie.” Shaking his shoulders, he only moves like a rag doll in your hold. “Eddie, wake up.”

“Mmm.” He grumbles, swatting your hands away.

“Okay, I gotta take you home.” You decide, placing your hands on your hips, attempting to determine just how you were going to even get him into your car.

You couldn’t leave him here, he was still wasted. You could leave him with Donnie and everyone to look after him but what was the point if you were going to go home anyway and he lived right next to you? There was no use in making them babysitters if there was a more logical solution.

“‘M fine.” He says, curling up into a ball.

“No, Eddie, get up. Get up.” You try to be firm with him but he remains on the floor, comfy as ever with his hands tucked beneath his head. “Shit.” You sigh.

It was time to call in some reinforcements.

–

“Jesus Christ, he’s really fucked up isn’t he?” Jett stares down at the figure of a sleeping Eddie on the bathroom floor, perfectly content.

“Yeah, can you guys just carry him to my car and I can figure out the rest once I get home?” You plead.

Jett and Nathan share a look of concern to which you raise your eyebrows in confusion, expecting an explanation. They glance once more at Eddie’s sleeping body and then back up to you, appearing as if that had said everything though you were still lost.

“How are you…going to carry him out of the car?” Nathan asks, his bushy gray eyebrows knit in thought.

In all fairness, you didn’t think far enough into the future. If it were only you, you assume you would be required to drag his body across the yard and onto the porch before fishing out his keys and lugging him up onto his couch before leaving some water next to him and dismissing yourself. The affair may take you over an hour considering Eddie was proving to be a stubborn drunk. But you’d surely manage if it had to be done.

“I dunno, I’ll work something out.” You tell him.

Nathan glances over to Jett once more, concerned expression only deepening as he peers back down at Eddie. Jett shrugs, surrendering the decision to both of you.

“How ‘bout this.” Nathan starts. “We’ll follow you home and help you get him situated–”

“God, ‘m up! ‘M up, okay!” Eddie takes the three of you by surprise as he rapidly pushes off the floor and begins standing on wobbly legs.

“You sure about that?” Jett teases while Eddie stabilizes himself against the sink.

“Fuck off.”

Eddie’s aggravated demeanor persists once again, a pathetic puppy dog pout at his lips while his eyes become overshadowed by eyebrows, a stern scowl forming. If it was meant to intimidate anyone, he was sadly mistaken. Instead, Jett snickers behind his hand, attempting to hide his grin.

“I’m kidding, I’m just kidding.” Jett continues to chuckle, avoiding Eddie’s harsh gaze.

“What is goin’ on here?” Donnie emerges from the stairs.

“Christ, ‘s go.” Eddie murmurs, rolling his eyes.

Donnie’s face contorts in confusion at his attitude, something that if it were directed towards you, you wouldn’t think twice about. It was no secret that his moodiness carried over even when he was intoxicated. But you suppose she has a motherly hold on him and should he act up, she wasn’t afraid to confront him. It didn’t matter how much taller or how grown of a man he was, she wouldn’t hesitate to pinch him by the ear and drag him off to give him a lesson in manners.

Obediently, Eddie backs down, his expression instantly relaxing. His scowl is replaced with a blank face, any negative thoughts seeming to fall right out of his head.

“You’re leavin’?” Donnie questions.

Rather than answering, Eddie shifts his gaze to you expectantly. Like you were suddenly his keeper. It was odd, going from being absolutely repulsive in his eyes when you’d first met him, to him essentially submitting to you so willingly. He was wasted but it was still something you fondly tucked into the back of your mind to remember later, like a little postcard for yourself.

“I, uh, yeah. I was just heading out and I thought…since we’re neighbors…” You try to elaborate, only feeling as if you were digging yourself into a deeper hole as you remember Jett’s comment from earlier.

Low and behold, the brief glance you offer Jett only confirms it, a huge smirk displayed on his face just for you. It was enough for the blood to rush into your cheeks, practically sizzling to the touch.

“You just got here.” Donnie complains.

Jett puffs out his cheeks, offering some kind of communication that has Donnie reeling back on her previous statement.

“It is late though and if he’s really not feeling good…” She reasons.

You weren’t stupid and you knew Jett was assuming the position of a wingman and somehow, he was able to convey that to Donnie in just one simple look. And she ran with it, much to your surprise. Eddie seemed to check out of any conversation, bags hanging underneath his eyes while they drooped in boredom, his tall frame leaning against the wall as he toyed with the chain attached to his jeans.

Externally, you were irked, irritation written all over your face, even a hint of disgust could be found within your features. But internally, you were having quite the opposite reaction. Those damn butterflies had started up again, whirling around in your stomach so intensely, you were beginning to think they were bees. Your heart pounded in your ears, the tips of them becoming embarrassingly red and hot. You didn’t know why, maybe it was the prospect of everyone else thinking you had some secret relationship going on or even a little fling and the fact that they seemed to be rooting for you. It ignited the tiniest bit of excitement in you, you weren’t going to lie to yourself. Even if there was truly nothing going on.

Within minutes, you had an entourage escorting you to your car, Nathan insisting that it was no issue if you’d rather him drive Eddie just in case he were to pass out again. Though you were grateful, you didn’t see the trouble in making him drive all the way out to your street only to turn around and go right back to the party. If Eddie passed out again, you’d splash some water on him and surely figure out a way to wake him. Besides, he had started to become more alert since stumbling down the stairs and making the walk down the steep driveway. Of course, you also required that he down some water before leaving, otherwise he could stay and let his friends have their fun and tease him about sleeping in front of the toilet, which he didn’t seem to like as he scrunched his face and grabbed the water from you.

Donnie had advised you to drive safely several times while Jett continued to poke fun at Eddie, only earning himself a sock to the shoulder. Jett may not feel it now but in the morning there would be a good chance he’d have a nice purple bruise.

At some point after you had stepped outside, a jacket was draped over your shivering shoulders. Eddie’s jacket. And seconds later, he walked ahead of you with his hands shoved in his pockets, no doubt trying to escape Jett’s teasing. It was in that moment, surrounded by people who seemed to just…care, that you began to feel wanted. While Donnie talked your ear off about keeping an eye out for deer, Nathan continuing to even offer to drive both of you home, assuring you that he didn’t mind in the slightest. Eddie resting his jacket over your shoulders, even in his current state, and Jett…well Jett was being Jett but he still contributed to the warm and fuzzy feelings you were experiencing.

It felt a lot like…family.

–

The cold glass soothes Eddie’s sweaty cheek, the surface fogging up with every breath as his finger taps away to a beat in his head on the center console. The slumped position he had been in for the past five minutes was sure to awaken a few aches and pains in his spine but he didn’t budge. The radio softly sounded through the car, some random pop song he could hardly make out. His eyes followed tree after tree, nearly causing him to go cross-eyed as he kept up with the little game he made up in his head, counting each tree. Sometimes he would get distracted by the pavement zooming by before continuing.

Not a word had been shared between you since the bathroom though it was an oddly comfortable silence. It didn’t feel like you had to speak or fill in the gaps like you usually would, desperately clinging to words that you didn’t have in order to appease the other person. The fact that Eddie was coming out of his drunken haze could have something to do with it but had it not been Eddie you were driving, you’re certain you would struggle to strike up a conversation as if it were required.

Glancing over at him, you can’t help but feel a small smile tug at your lips, his fingers drawing a smiley face into the fog he created with his breath. You’d never seen him so content but perhaps you shouldn’t look too much into it. A few beers and some weed would have that effect on anyone. It was just pleasant to see him so laid back, the stressors of his life set aside for another time. You could only hope he could appear the same way sober someday soon.

“Where’s your family?” Eddie suddenly mumbles, eyes still glued to the scenery outside.

The question is out of the blue and the last thing you would expect from him. Although he had taken somewhat of a liking to you, he’d never taken an interest in something so personal. And you offered him that same respect.

“What?” You ask, sneaking a glance at him, your hands squeezing the wheel.

His focus shifts from the window to you, his body turning inward as he leans his cheek against the headrest, waiting for your response. The way his lips pucker from his cheek squishing against the seat only makes your heart clench. His large awaiting eyes reflect the moon and you find it hard to change the subject when they appear so patient and attentive.

“Um, well, they’re back in…back home.” You answer simply.

“Where’s that?”

He looked the most inquisitive you’d seen him, body turned toward you, his attention not once wavering. Instead of the usual knit brows he often wore, his features remained softer and full of wonder. Lips parted and eyes twinkling, who were you to deny his efforts? Even if he was slightly under the influence. Worst case scenario, he doesn’t remember this conversation.

“California.”

“Oh.”

You didn’t know what kind of response you were expecting but for some reason, the one word was a bit too vague, self consciousness kicking in.

“What about yours?” You shift the spotlight over to him.

From what you can tell as you keep your focus on the road, his gaze drops while he collects his thoughts, his breathing going shaky for just a second before he regains his composure. A hum deep in his throat notifies you that he’s ready to begin speaking again.

“Uh, don’t really have one. Never really have. Or, uh, I just don’t remember them? Other than my uncle, Wayne. He’s back…” Eddie hesitates. “He’s in Indiana.”

“I’m sorry—I didn’t know…” You start to backtrack and although he was the one who initiated the conversation, maybe it was too bold of you to reverse the question.

“No, ‘s okay.” He assures you, shaking his head, his curls flattening against the seat.

“You miss him?”

The car is silent again, aside from the radio playing quietly. You fear you’ve said the wrong thing, struck some kind of a nerve that forced him to go mute. No longer wanting to engage in the topic. But when you peer over at him again briefly, he’s biting his lip, getting lost in his mind again before he decides on an answer.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. He visits when he can.” A sadness lurks beneath the surface of his monotone response, eyes growing shinier in the moonlight. And then he wipes the slate clean, face devoid of emotion once again as he seems to shake his previous thoughts from his head. “So what’s your deal? What made you come all the way out here?”

This is the part where you would shrug and offer no further insight into the corners of your mind that usually were kept isolated. But when his gaze softens from the passenger seat like that–like he wants to know, like he cares, you wanted to give him the key to your contaminated brain and let him poke around all he wanted. As long as he wanted.

“Well, uh, I love my family...” You start, voice timid. “But I was feeling super lost. And like I was living for everyone else. And when my dad passed months ago he left me his estate…left me everything…”

“I’m sorry.” He says, sympathy coating his words.

You nod, a silent thank you before continuing.

“So I split it up with my family…then moved away. Guess I wanted to…I dunno find myself?” You laugh, as if you’d just told a joke.

Rather than laugh along, Eddie studies you with intent. Like he’s searching for more, digging into your soul.

“Why’s that funny?” He asks.

“I just–I don’t know what I’m doing.” You laugh again.

“Well, neither do I.” He begins to chuckle. “I mean look at me.”

Progressively, you both start to laugh harder, glancing at each other and reveling in the failures that you both had endured up until this moment. It’s like you were slap happy, a snort threatening to escape you through your uncontrollable laughter.

“Ah, fuck.” Eddie exhales, a grin plastered to his face. “Bar is going to shit, my government hush money has run out–”

“Your what?” You question, amusement taking over your features.

“Nothing.”

Suddenly, he has no desire to converse, his lips shut in a tight line as he once again turns his attention to the window.

“Government hush money?” You repeat.

With a roll of his eyes and a deep breath, you can tell he contemplates carefully as he chooses his next words.

“Jesus Christ, I’m really not supposed to talk about it.” He breathes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But, fuck it I guess.” He drops his hand from his face.

Pulling into your driveway, the gravel crunches under the tires before you kill the engine, headlights leaving you in the darkness. Eddie has your full focus, your body turned toward him as you pull a knee up to your chest, resting your chin on top.

“You don’t have to.” You assure. “I can just forget you ever said anything–”

“Honestly, it’ll probably do me some good to get it off my chest.” He interrupts.

At his insistence, you keep quiet, waiting for him to continue. He fidgets with his rings nervously, pulling them off and putting them back on.

“You, uh, you have to swear to never talk about it again. To anyone.”

“Promise.” You whisper, sticking your pinky out.

A puzzled look crosses his face, looking from your pinky to you in uncertainty. It was becoming apparent that he was sobering up, laziness no longer taking a hold of his eyelids and words coherent.

“Pinky promise.” You smile.

“Pinky promise?” He still appears confused.

“Yeah, you never made a pinky promise before?”

A small smile forces the corners of his mouth up, eyes shining with entertainment as he stares at your pinky. Shaking his head, he rests his hands in his lap, almost bashfully. A contrast to his usual prickly tendencies and forward personality.

“Well, I take pinky promises very seriously. They can’t be broken. So I pinky promise, I won’t mention this ever again.” You stick your hand even further forward, awaiting his pinky.

“Yeah?” He asks with a lopsided grin. “How do I know you mean that?”

“It’s a pinky promise, Eddie.” You deadpan, as if he was supposed to know how eternally binding it was.

A few seconds pass, Eddie still looking from you to your pinky with round eyes, soft at the edges with something that resembles the innocence of a little boy. His inner child was sparkling, pouring from him like a forbidden fountain that only you had the honor of witnessing. When his pinky wraps around yours, his comically larger than yours, you can’t fight the way your heart flutters in response to the touch. His warmth encompassing yours, melting together like the sweetest chocolate.

Then, once your pinkies part, he speaks of a horrifying earthquake, striking his home town and wreaking havoc on the innocent lives once lived. He tells you of things that you would never in this lifetime believe, things that he was forced to believe within seconds, creatures that attacked him, putting him on his deathbed only to be revived and put in the hospital for weeks. Of the horrifying manhunt for him, how he was a wanted man for things he was never responsible for, conveniently at the peak of satanic panic. How he was blamed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, how the whole town pinned a murder on him. How there are things he could never even begin to explain like how Chrissy, the head cheerleader at his highschool had died right in front of him. And how she was the first girl he was actually interested in, only for her to die a horrific death before his eyes. He didn’t go into detail, though you didn’t need him to. You didn’t want him to re-live such trauma just to provide you further explanation.

Once all was said and done, once he was out of the hospital, he was arrested and sat in jail for a week or so, he couldn’t recall exactly how long. His uncle trying everything, doing everything he could to bail him out but he didn’t come from money so that proved to fail, especially since no one was on his side, even a majority of the police. He told you of Dustin and Lucas…of Max, Erika, Steve, Nancy, and Robin. The people that had always been on his side even when he was the only suspect for murder. The people he missed so dearly every day but could only see every so often when they could find time to visit. Which they did. He only wished he could go back home. If he did, it would only spark up another riot and it was against his agreement with the government to even step foot in the state of Indiana.

So when he was bailed out of jail, his friends all awaiting him just outside the station, it was bittersweet. He was relieved that he wouldn’t be stuck in that hell hole for the rest of his life like his dad but he was terrified of leaving everything he’d ever known. It was his dream to someday get out of that place, a place that he wouldn’t name which was most likely due to his agreement. But the second he was forced to leave, he didn’t know what was next for him, a terrifying concept for any smalltown boy at the fresh age of 20.

Wayne had intervened, making plans for Eddie to move in with his grandfather, Roy out in the middle of the mountains a few states away rather than being shipped somewhere where he had no connections, a setup for failure. Eddie told you about how he didn’t know his grandpa his entire life, didn’t even know he still had one until he went to live with him. But without any hesitation, Roy took him under his wing, stating that it's what his daughter, Eddie’s mother would’ve wanted him to do. The least he could do for a boy who only knew broken family and lost his beloved mother so young.

You learn that his grandfather had distanced himself due to Eddie’s dad and truthfully didn’t know of Eddie’s existence until Wayne made that phone call. The moment he found out he had a grandson, he welcomed him with open arms and put him to work at the bar, giving him a kind of security that Eddie had never been familiar with in his life. Grandpa Roy died last year of kidney failure, leaving Eddie everything and you could tell it was really taking a toll on him, the responsibility of the bar, the fear of losing it and disappointing his grandfather.

It seems that within the span of ten minutes, you learn Eddie’s life story. From the incident back in Indiana to how his dad created destruction in his life long before that and how he would teach Eddie how to commit petty theft and hotwire cars. He was on the route to becoming just like his dad before Wayne got involved, fighting like hell for legal custody of him. His dad refused time and time again although Eddie spent most nights and days at Wayne’s trailer anyway. Wayne didn’t want him to have any authority over Eddie, the man was a criminal and an addict that would leave poor young Eddie alone for days to fend for himself until he decided to come back. He didn’t want that life for Eddie.

Eventually, he won, the courts taking far too long to review the case but he was granted full custody and not long after, Eddie’s dad was arrested for grand theft auto. He still rots in jail to this day for several other crimes he committed once he got out the first time.

It was all laid out for you, Eddie’s entire upbringing. His whole life on display for you to judge if you felt so inclined to. You didn’t. You sat and you processed. Deciphering that Eddie is the way he is because of the way he had been treated his entire life. An outcast among the working class, growing up in poverty and being made fun of for things out of his control. Kids steering clear from him for the simple fact that he was his father’s son and that his name had already been tarnished before he was even born. It was becoming clear as to why Eddie was so emotionally withdrawn. How could he not be?

“Eddie I–” “If you say you’re sorry I’ll puke again.” He jokes.

It was something you found so endearing within him, his ability to remain playful even when addressing his trauma. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism. You could relate if it was.

“Let’s just, uh, call it a night. I think that’s enough about me. I don’t wanna talk about me anymore.” He shakes his head, exhausted but still displaying a playful smile.

“Okay. Yeah.” You agree, opening the door before he stops you with a raise of his hand.

“Would this…would this be a bad time to tell you that I’m ninety nine percent sure that I left my keys at the party?” He squeezes his eyes shut.

“Wow.” You sigh, resting your head on the steering wheel. “Look at how the tables have turned.” You grin, shoving his shoulder, eliciting a grunt from him.

“Gonna make me sleep on the porch with the bears?” He half jokes. He wouldn’t blame you.

“Only if you don’t puke on me like I did to you.”

Eddie can’t fight his grin, dimples deepening. He’s thankful that it’s too dark to make out the pink tinting his cheeks.

~end~

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