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kakiastro · 9 months

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Who’s your Future Spouse ? Detailed 18+ reading

Hey y’all! It’s been so long since I made a intuitive post but I’m back! This reading is all about who you are going to marry or just be in a committed relationship with.

Disclaimer: please know that this is just a general reading and for entertainment purposes only. We all have free will so take what resonates and leave the rest.

Now take 3 deep breaths. Pick which animal you feel called too. If it’s more than one then that’s okay.

🦌🐅🐘

🦌

Physically: deep round light brown or hazel eyes(prominent feature) have a youthful face. Small build, lightweight muscular, light brown shaggy hair and beard. Big smile, there’s something noticeable about their hands so it can be a tattoo, a scar or birth mark. Wears casual clothes especially sweaters

Personality: chilled laid back person. They’re more on the introvert side but loves to talk once they’re comfortable with you. I feel like their low key nerdy, like for example,you wouldn’t expect them to be huge Star Wars nerds first talking them until they reveal they own collectibles😅. I wouldn’t call this person a stoner per say but they don’t mind hitting a blunt every once in a blue moon😅they also love nature and I’m seeing a hiking bag so they could have an adventure side to them as well. I feel like some of you all are interested in astrology and they’re going to love hearing you teach them about it. Im hearing they love Greek mythology. This person loves learning things as well. They’re readers. This person gives me Taurus and Gemini vibes. They love food especially street food. They’re not confrontational but they will step up if need be “I’m not with the drama but don’t get it twisted, I got these hands.” Is what I heard. If you ever seen the tv show euphoria, your person reminds me of Fez a little bit lol.

Career hobbies: im hearing they love jogging or running. They love to paint as well. Im hearing they don’t have career per say but they do have ambitions. Im hearing freelance or one day owning some type of business (im seeing a gym) I do want to point out that this is the current energy they are in so when you 2 actually meet, they may be established in their chosen field

Sexually: very sensual in bed, they love the late night cuddles and conversations after y’all have sex. They don’t mind doing it whenever but at the same time they’re not in a rush either. Very chilled person like I said. they have a nice butt. If you’re interested in men then their 🍆 is long and slightly curved. If your interested in woman, they may have some hair down there

Astrological: Mercury, Taurus, Gemini, some Sagittarius as well

Letters: D, M, L, Y (First, Middle, Last name) or nick name

Overall your person sounds dope too me deer pile, I hope you enjoyed your reading

🐅

Physically: fine as hell! intimidating look at first. May have resting bitch face😅 I’m hearing covered in tattoos, they love tribal and quote type of tattoos. They have an intense stare, they can see your soul type of stare. They’re tall and muscular, they take care of their body. They have deep dimples that you can see when they’re talking. They’re very confident but not arrogant with it. Here’s the the thing, they’re attractive and they know it😅 they dress nice and love to wear suites or athletic wear. Classy gentleman vibes. They have dark brown panther type eyes, google panther eyes and that’s how your Fs stares at you🔥clean cut hair but when it grows out, it’s really curly. They’re not really a smiley type person but when they do, their smile lights up a room.

Personality: “all my life I’ve had to fight” is what I heard. I’m going to be honest here and say that y’all Fs has been through some traumatic things in their life!! This is why they carry this tough, intimidating persona, it’s a defense mechanism. The have a hard time opening up to people due to past betrayals especially with lovers. The good news is that they’ve been working on some healing. I do feel like when they meet you, they’re going to really start taking their healing seriously because they want to be the best person they can be for you🥹they’re very protective of loved ones as well not just physically but emotionally as well. “If someone hurts you, then I’m hurting them real talk” is what I heard. Your person sort of reminds me of Jax Teller from sons of anarchy. The bad boy /bad girl with heart of gold type of vibe. They’re big romantics as well, loves date nights and very funny. Sort of a jokester (especially dirty jokes)

Career/hobbies: they love working out, playing cards, camping, traveling is a big one Im seeing. They’re very proud of their family roots; I’m hearing Italian descent. So they may love traveling their family ancestral place. For career, they work in some corporate type of work. Hence why their wearing suits a lot lol. I’m hearing entrepreneurs so they may own a business. They love this type of work because it’s competitive and they’re competitive lol

Sexually: Whew Chile!! I hope you guys have lots of stamina because this person is very sexual omg! Your Fs works a lot so when they do have time for you they want to do everything with and too you. Now I’m blushing🫣 they’re open to do all positions. They’re favorite is missionary, not because they’re boring but because they want to look you deep in your eyes while they’re in you👀, they trying to snatch your soul and you’re going to let them. I heard “Make you lose your breath with each stroke” There’s a deep spiritual connection between you 2 so the sex is fire and otherworldly. They love to go down on you as well. If you’re interested in men/masc then they have a big 🍆, if you’re interested in women (fem) then they have nice breast.

Astrological: Mars, Aries, Capricorn with some Libra energy

Letters; T, V, D, B (first, middle, last name) or nickname

Well that was hot pile 2, I need a drink of water after that😂 I hope you enjoyed it tigers

🐘

Physically: I’m hearing this person has a very gentle aura about them. They feel like a warm fireplace with hot cocoa during a winter storm. I feel so relaxed. They’re medium height. Pillsbury doughboy just came to my head so they might be on fluffy side which is good for cuddling. Round face and brown curly hair and beard. Watery blue eyes, they may wear glasses(im not sure if it’s for reading or everyday use) big hands and feet😜, they love to wear sports jerseys. They have dimples and you can really see them when they laugh. They also have rosey cheeks and they blush a lot

Personality: this person is very shy, I’m having a hard time picking things up about them because they’re so hesitant. They may have been bullied growing up so it’s hard to open for them.🥹 They’re very much homebodies but don’t mind going out every now and then. They’re very much in a bubble and only those that’s in this bubble with them can see their true personality. I am hearing that they love watching and discussing movies. They’re great listeners. They’re more of a listener than a talker but they will carry a convo with you. They love their family, especially their mom. Very protective over them. Their a very family oriented person. Im sorry y’all, I’m not getting much here, their very private person.

Career/hobbies:watching and discussing movies, loves to cook (that was a big thing I received from y’all Fs) , watching sports. For career Im hardly getting jack squat😅Im only picking up on writer so they could be that

Sexually; very emotional connection when having sex. They’re pleasures rather than receivers. Your Fs sees sex as a bonding experience more than just a “hey let’s have sex” type of way if that makes sense. I’m not going to go furthur because they’re so private and shy compared to the other piles. I want to respect that. I’m hearing “I promise I’ll do my best to make sure they’re pleased.”

Astrological : Moon and Venus. Cancer, Pisces Aquarius and some taurus energy

Letters: B,R,A, D, H (first, middle, last name) or nickname

Hey I hope you all enjoyed my post ! Make sure to follow and share my content if you want to see more. Thank you!

#intuitive readings #intuitive #pick a pile #future spouse

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bonny-kookoo · 9 months

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Jungkook x Reader/ Yoongi x Jimin

𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓣𝓸𝓸𝓽𝓱 [Teaser]

Yoongi and Jimin are each proud owners of hybrids, and these days, slowly falling in love with one another. And everything could be so perfect- if it wasn't for you absolutely resenting Jungkook- for no reason?

Tags/Warnings: Human!Yoongi, Human!Jimin, Rottweiler hybrid!Jungkook, Cat hybrid!Reader, Enemies to friends to lovers, mentions of past traume, some Yoonmin here and there oops, Main story focus are MC and Kook though

Length: ~850 words

Read Here!

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"But she hates me!" Jungkook complaints, as he stands in the cabin Yoongi is currently unloading the groceries in. "There's no way she'll sleep in the same room as me." He huffs, and Yoongi sighs.

"Well, she has to learn. I already talked to Jimin about it-" He says, putting everything into a box that doesn't have to be stored in the fridge. "-and he agrees that he's spoiled her quite a bit until now. She needs to learn to be a bit more independent." He explains calmly, though he's internally very well aware of your distaste for his dog hybrid. He knows exactly why- but he also respects Jimin's decision to not tell Jungkook anything about your past trauma, claiming that that's something you need to tell, no one else.

And Yoongi agrees with that- but he also feels for Jungkook, who's been really trying to make you warm up to him. He already struggles to find friends due to his intimidating hybrid side and sometimes rather chaotic personality. Seeing you so defensive against him does clearly hurt, no matter ho much Jungkook tries to play it off.

But for once, Yoongi also wants to be a little selfish. He wants to spend time with Jimin, alone time away from you both, just to properly figure out where he truly wants this to go from here on out. It's why he's organized this trip in the first place. To find out if this could truly work out.

And he fears, deep down, that it won't. Because if you and Jungkook don't get along, there's no way Yoongi can ever be happy with Jimin.

A few hours away from the Cabin Yoongi and Jungkook are already setting up, you're pouting next to Jimin in the car, slumped down and with your arms crossed. "Making that face won't make me turn around, princess." Jimin says, voice light- but inside, he's torn. This is going to be tough for you, considering that you're gonna have to stay with Jungkook during the night- and the poor dog hybrid has no idea that you don't actually hate him. You don't hate at all, in fact.

Your defense mechanism when confronted with something you fear however, is to lash out. And that is most of the time taken out of context, making you appear rude and arrogant, when in reality you're just trying not to seem weak or vulnerable.

Because in the past, that would immediately make you the perfect target. Pushed aside and scolded for everything that wasn't ever your fault in your first home, used as a punching bag for other hybrids in the shelter later on, you had to somehow make up a tough façade so you wouldn't end up in those positions ever again. You learned to keep yourself safe by being the one who bites first- and it took Jimin years to truly gain your full trust.

He fears that that's all you can do though. That he's going to forever stay the only person of comfort for you.

And that's an issue. While he himself had been a bit defensive about his treatment of you with Yoongi, he knows that the older man is right. Jimin has been wrapping you in layers of bubble wrap, has spoiled you and nursed your bad habits into what they are today simply because he always saw the scared, shaking hybrid back at the shelter.

But that's not you anymore. You technically have no reason to be scared of anything anymore- but Jimin understands now, after talking numerous times about it with Yoongi, that he's partially at fault for your lack of social skills.

Jungkook had come from a good household- had been raised well, so Yoongi had never really experienced anything like Jimin did with you, but nonetheless, his advice still counts, and is still valid.

You need to learn at some point. You have to realize that there's nothing to fear anymore- and that Jungkook isn't an enemy ready to eat you alive in your sleep.

"Come on, stop pouting now, hm?" He tries, running a hand over your head once at a red light. You just look out the window. "Is Jungkookie that scary?" He asks, and you shake your head.

"He's dumb." You deny, putting your legs up and onto the seat.

"Hey.!" He scolds gently. "Jungkook isn't dumb. He's trying hard, okay? You could be at least civil with him, sugar." He tells you, and you sigh at that, leaning against the door.

"I don't want to." You say defensively, tail angrily flopping around. "You just say that because you wanna be with Yoongi." You huff.

"Partially, I admit that." Jimin nods. "But I also agree with him that you need to be nicer. Jungkookie is really trying to be friends with you, you know?" He sighs.

"I don't care.." You mumble to yourself, angrily looking out the window. You know that Jungkook isn't a threat- but he's still scary to you. He's tall, and a lot of muscle, and he's loud, and energetic, and just.. scary. Intimidating. Potentially dangerous. And that potential alone is enough to make you feel threatened.

Jungkook and Yoongi are currently ruining your perfect life you had with Jimin. So you've got enough reason to be absolutely pissed.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #yoongi imagine #jeon jungkook imagine #jimin imagine

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aspd-culture · 10 months

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@brandon666

First off, you have some *really* inaccurate ideas of what ASPD is. Do you think we can survive in the world acting like you expect me to act? Far more often, pwASPD appear detached and callous rather than actively hostile the way you're saying. We aren't 12 year old kids on Xbox Live voice chat, * s p o o k y voice* we are all around you. You wouldn't be able to pick most of us out of a crowd, even if you had direct interaction with us. In fact, a running joke here and in my real life is that people often tell pwASPD "don't worry, I can sniff out a s*ciop*th a mile away" or similar not realizing they're talking shit about us to our face.

There *are* pwASPD who are still entirely valid who act the way you're saying - and also plenty of prosocials who behave like that too. But it isn't all of us, all the time. Most of us are capable of and maybe even prefer to be cool, calm, and calculated about how we speak and act because of the trauma we have.

Unlike people on TV like Dr. House, there are real life consequences to the behavior you describe, and many of us strive not to be happy, but for life to be as convenient as possible. Kinda hard to get convenience while you're pissing everyone off. Ever heard the part of ASPD where they mention we are manipulative and charismatic? Yeah that isn't exactly compatible with being crass, careless, pranking, or offensive. Careless actually specifically bothers me because we are often said to "play a social chess game" with people we talk to. Many of us are extremely calculating and overly cautious. And many of us aren't, but it certainly isn't like you're saying all the time. Even pwASPD who *do* act like that usually are calm and "respectful" sometimes.

Also, I never claimed to be unmasked on this blog. Most of the time, I am absolutely masking to some degree - although much less than IRL. You can actually see that in the tags, I use "a rare unmasked aspd-culture" as a joke about this fact. Whilst this is a safe place for other pwASPD to unmask if they'd like, my posts on this blog are different. My side of this is helping educate people - prosocial, antisocial, whoever - if/when they have questions for me about ASPD which is fairly frequent. This isn't to say I am not ok with unmasking here, like I said it's happened before, but consider the context of what's happening.

I'm often asked genuine questions about ASPD, some of which are ableist (almost always on accident!) and many of which are based on extremely common misconceptions. If I were to unmask while answering those, I would end up being really shitty to people who are trying to learn - often people who want to do better for the pwASPD in their life, or for themselves. We talk about coping mechanisms and the development of ASPD a lot here; with those topics there is little room for my unmasked behavior *and* education. If I were to unmask while answering, no one would be getting anything out of asking those questions even if I was providing info because it's hard to take in new information from someone when they're being defensive or hostile.

I don't want to be hostile towards them, I want to help because if ASPD is ever going to be destigmatized, someone has got to answer their questions and help show them what it is and what it isn't! We can't expect prosocials to fend for themselves in the cesspool of stigma that the typical google results on ASPD show - someone has to help them. And since one of my special interests (something autistic ppl like myself have and love to infodump about) is mental health, especially my own disorders, I am happy to be one of the people they can ask these sometimes tough questions to.

I am also helping pwASPD! Many questions I get are people trying to understand their own disorder or the disorder they think they might have. It sucked for me, learning this all on my own (and I'm still learning too), so I can use the cognitive empathy I've taught myself over the years and remember the feelings I went through when I was trying to find unbiased info.

There's a transaction here - a major part of ASPD if you didn't know - I calmly and respectfully answer people's questions, and the world becomes slightly less ignorant and we get a slight amount of progress on destigmatizing this disorder. That makes my life easier too. In the process, I see many culture asks that remind me I'm not alone in this. Often, posting those gives me some catharsis, and you will sometimes see me going off in the tags about what I've dealt with. But for the most part, I'm giving other pwASPD an open space to unmask as well as to ask questions to someone who will, 95% of the time, give a masked and respectful answer. Friendly is a stretch tho lol unless you missed the original post about the syscourse that you commented this on.

So yeah, long and short, you're definitely missing something here and that's ok. Just learn and do better. I know you might see that as another thing that is flying in the face of ASPD or whatever, but it's no skin off my back if you think I have ASPD or not, and anyway I'd rather you just learn and maybe next time someone says something like that to/around you about ASPD, you'll have the knowledge to correct it. Spreading info is an exponential situation - once I tell you guys things, some of you will inevitably tell someone else that, and so on and so forth until a good handful of people now know things about ASPD they didn't before. If not, oh well. I got to infodump and see relatable posts that made me feel seen.

Either way, it's been, and hopefully will continue to be, a net positive. You are absolutely welcome to keep this dialogue going if you have questions, want clarification, are enraged that I gave you a calm response, whichever. Even if you don't get anything out of this, someone else seeing it might.

I'll really fuck with you now - I genuinely hope you have a good day.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw sociopath

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ichangemyusertoomuch · 2 months

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from your post about torchwood character analysis - do you have anything to say about owen? about his death maybe? or his dynamics with other characters?

personally I think Owen's progression is so ignored! many people really don't like him, and I think that's because they buy into his "mean guy" front too much, right from the start, when I prefer to see that as shield of some sorts.

chronologically: his childhood? sucked. in season two, episode five 'Adam', he talks about his mother, claiming that she said that she "didn't have to like him in order to love him". straight off the bat - what the hell - we see that she clearly was some form of abusive. presumably in an emotional manner, by not caring at all and being neglectful. therefore, possibly being a stem for his almost attention-seeking behavior (specifically in season one), where he acts 'mean' in order to get a reaction from others. alternatively it could suggest his self-neglect, as he doesn't actually look after himself, as shown through the means of sexual relationships without any long-term point.

the reason for this??

KATIE! his fiance. the one who literally died of an alien parasite before they could get married. in season two, episode twelve 'Fragments', we see a chunk of his backstory, before he became this 'selfish jerk'. I think that he was a really normal dude, genuinely in love. and the way that that relationship became an absolute trainwreck really mentally damaged him, the way he sees the world, the way he sees love and relationships. I think that kind of loss absolutely destroys a person and hence, as a defense mechanism to avoid the world from hurting him again: he decided to be an extremely unlikable idiot.

in 'Adam' Owen is stripped of his cool-ness and turns into - not many ways to put this - a needy geek. in a deleted scene I found on YouTube (I'll tag the series of deleted scenes below, it's somewhere in that vid), he calls his mother and tries to arrange meeting up with her. that is the only time we ever see him talk to her, and he's very much not himself: he's weaker and so he's dropped the emotion floodgates, calling his mother even though she hurt him. therefore, I feel that Owen isn't actually the jerk he pretends to be. supported by how literally just before he dies (for the final time), he reverts to being a normal person. his plain and sweet self. (which entirely heartbreaking, but I had to add that in, for his depth, my apologies everybody)

he had the affair with Gwen at the peak of the not-caring-about-anybody phase and really seemed to end up regretting it. he and Gwen (as friends) are really sweet, their vibes match so well and I love how they basically have a sibling dynamic.

as for Jack, well, Jack has this amazing power how everyone in Torchwood remains good friends no matter what. Owen shoots Jack? "I forgive you". Ianto shoots Owen? they're friends again in season two. and so I really do think that Jack and Owen are friends. they have trust. a lot of trust, but there is friction (look at the season one finale, for god's sake). Jack resurrected Owen because he emotionally wasn't ready to give him up, and that may have ended up being a selfish move because of how crushing it was on everyone involved.

the zombie arc was a massive challenge and he conquered it so incredibly. from episodes 9-13 (season two) he was fine, give or take the sarcastic comment. in season two, episode eight 'A Day in the Death', Jack provides nothing but tough love to Owen. being what he needed but didn't exactly want.

when Owen died fully in episode thirteen he was ready to stop living like he was. a walking corpse. he did not want to die, but he knew that his insanely fragile existence wasn't worth it.

in conclusion, I think Owen's progression is immaculate. he learns to drop the tough guy brick wall to the point where he has actual two way friendships. although, I do wish he'd had the date with Tosh. although I understand why it wasn't going to happen. they're destined away from each other. (maybe how Owen is destined to find anything but happiness)

thank you for reading, if you made it to here you're a real one 💪

the deleted scene:

youtube

#torchwood #owen harper #character study #but i kinda state the obvious throughout #torchwood essay #it's not really an essay #small essay #essay #character analysis #analysis

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confused-n-queer · 6 months

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So a video about Beastars gave me feelings

I just came back to this video about a year after having first watched it simply because it was in my recommended feed and I needed something to listen to and well I have left with a new litmus test for my internal growth. I feel how much my connection to the story being woven my both the creator of the video and the author of Beastars has changed in only one year. I have struggled a lot with my own sexuality gender and overall sense of self throughout my life and am only now feeling the chapter on my adolescence come to a close. When I first saw this video and read the manga I identified very strongly with Haru. Her perceived weakness as a rabbit mirrored my own having grown up as a short,unusually skinny girl with undressed health issues. I was often mad and unable to express it since my anger was seen as cute, nonthreatening, and pathetic. Any attempts at my beliefs or anger being taken seriously and being seen as an equal to my peers was met with jokes and threats. Haru's tough abrasive nature towards people she perceives as a potential threat is a defense mechanism I shared with her. I like many girls has been subjected to both what I would call aggressive sexualization, sexulization through direct comments about our clothing, bodies and behaviors as well as leering, cat-calling and all the other various degrees of sexual assault I don't wish to discuss and what I would call passive sexuialization which is the everyday messaging we received from family peers and media, aka everything from your mom telling you to put on a shirt and cover up long before you had breasts to the comments made by aunts about how "slutty" a girl walking down the street looked. My response to this was repressing my desires burring my longing to be a confident sexual being. To bury my desire to wear the short shorts and skirts and bra-less styles of the early 00's I saw modeled on my dolls and a few older girls. I wanted to be like Haru, or at least posses the sexual freedom and confidence people believe she has. Instead I felt I had to hide my burgeoning sexuality behind a screen. Instead of healthy experimentation with my peers I was introduced to sex through men far older than me online because I knew romance,dating and sex was "wrong" and "not something a girl my age thought about". So I hid full of shame so strong it nearly led me to end my own life. The craziest part, I wasn't raised in an exceptionally conservative home. My family was pretty normal, hell I was given books about puberty and was told, once, after years of pestering (something I never did as I was, in retrospect and due to trauma, a disturbingly obedient child something I'll touch on later) what sex was and was sort of permitted to learn about sex from a scientific perspective. It wasn't until my freshman year of collage that I began to unlearn all of my shame and allow myself to be and accept myself as a sexual being, you know the thing I should've been allowed to do and that most people do while going through puberty. I joined a production of RHPS and drove over an hour to the main campus and back every week to rehearse for a show where being sexual was a given, and where the words that had been embedded into my chest were shouted without malice. It was a place where "slut" and "queer" weren't dirty they just were. I had my first kiss a few months before my 19th birthday with a girl who was so kind to me and who treated me with such sincere affection and respect that I as I write this am left sobbing thinking of all she did for me. I wish I could reach out to thank her without it being weird or potentially harmful since we haven't talked since the pandemic forced a weird mutual ghosting breakup a few months into our relationship and I don't know her current situation.

I was also always "playing nurse" (of both the standard and psych-ward variety) for friends,family and strangers due to trauma and my ability to do so like Haru but in the words of John Mulany "We don't have time to unpack all of that." so I'll leave it at that.

This time around I related to Legoshi so much it hurt. My struggles in the past year or so have been much more focused on my liberation as an adult, to be myself, to learn who I am, to move freely and to demand respect for myself and others. Which of course means the issues around my gender and sexuality (but mainly my gender) came back with a vengeance so the queerness of Legoshi et all hit very hard. The past year has been an odd meeting of my old self destructive habits meeting new healthier ones.

On the bad side I had al breakdown, multiple depressive episodes, stressed myself to the point of worsening a tic disorder i didn't know i had, neglected my health, fed into my eating disorders as well as my internalized ableism, homophobia and transphobia.

On the good side I attended concerts alone and with friends, decorated my room for the first time, bought sex toys, went on dates, dressed how I wanted to, dyed and shaved my hair without asking for permission (which was extra important since my hair was the one feature I was never allowed to mess with), and worked hard to fight my body issues and eating disorders which I'm happy to say as of right now I looked into the mirror for the first time in 10 years and liked my reflection despite my body dysmorphia. All things my therapist had to give me permission to do because, like Legoshi and all the other canines in the series I was made, through my natural disposition and a dash of abuse, to be obedient to my own detriment. I'm not joking when I say the whole " a canine told to wait will wait until it dies" section is accompanying me to therapy this week and is joining my "therapeutic media metaphors I use to describe my traumas,feelings and behaviors to other people" folder.

So...yeah...people change and this video was and will probably remain a very important part of my life.

youtube

Edit: Adding onto this but also like coming back to this video as someone who's currently educating themselves on queerness after years of feeling like "ah yes I understand myself and my own sexuality and gender. This is fascinating anyways. Perhaps I'll read this manga as a cathartic work to analyze but not really dig into because I don't need to do that right now/that's not the purpose it serves right now. It serves the purpose of allowing myself to confront other stuff and like a thing despite it's stigma as weird furry shit because people can't understand the merits of using non human characters to explore human topis including sex without getting all weird"

#beastars #beastars legoshi #beastars haru #tw internalized homophobia #tw internalized ableism #tw internalized transphobia #tw body image #tw ed #tw ed descussion #tw body dysmorphia #tw body dysphoria #Youtube #therapy

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vivacissimx · 2 years

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Arya Stark has depression

Beginning in AGOT and running through ADWD, Arya displays symptoms of neurodivergence. Learning to cope with it helps to save her life & identity.

Like most children who experience mental illness, Arya develops coping mechanisms that allow her to hide the extent of her depression from the adults around her. This starts earlier than commonly realized. Where initially it seemed her first depressive episode follows Mycah's murder it's actually fair to say she exhibits these patterns of behavior prior to that.

Arya in Winterfell doesn't meet the benchmarks of girlhood that are used to predict a successful future transition into the role of noble womanhood. Arya is aware of this in no small part because her peers (who refer to her as 'Horseface') and the adults in her life (her parents & Septa Mordane who uses Arya as a scapegoat/the "anti-girl") make her aware of this. Given the small scope of her world & her young age, Arya extrapolates that small sample into everybody.

Sansa's needlework was exquisite. Everyone said so. "Sansa's work is as pretty as she is," Septa Mordane told their lady mother once. "She has such fine, delicate hands." When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed. "Arya has the hands of a blacksmith."

Everyone was looking at her. It was too much. Sansa was too well bred to smile at her sister's disgrace, but Jeyne was smirking on her behalf. Even Princess Myrcella looked sorry for her. Arya felt tears filling her eyes. She pushed herself out of her chair and bolted for the door. Septa Mordane called after her. "Arya, come back here! Don't you take another step! Your lady mother will hear of this. In front of our royal princess too! You'll shame us all!"

-AGOT, Arya I

"Lyanna was beautiful," Arya said, startled. Everybody said so. It was not a thing that was ever said of Arya.

-AGOT, Arya II

This last quote isn't necessarily factual (Arya tells us in ADWD The Blind Girl that her parents and Jon did call her pretty), but it's true in the sense that Arya sees her nonconformity as a personal failure.

This could very well be depression speaking, and it starts early. When Arya fails at a task she isolates herself to the extreme: runs away in tears, doesn't believe she can go to her parents or siblings for comfort, decides nobody loves her.

Arya wonders if she's an imposter.

Arya thought that Myrcella's stitches looked a little crooked too, but you would never know it from the way Septa Mordane was cooing.

Nymeria was waiting for her in the guardroom at the base of the stairs. She bounded to her feet as soon as she caught sight of Arya. Arya grinned. The wolf pup loved her, even if no one else did.

Jon had their father's face, as she did. They were the only ones. Robb and Sansa and Bran and even little Rickon all took after the Tullys, with easy smiles and fire in their hair. When Arya had been little, she had been afraid that meant that she was a bastard too. It had been Jon she had gone to in her fear, and Jon who had reassured her.

-AGOT, Arya I

Arya withdraws socially from places where she believes she cannot succeed or receive affirmation - she leaves the embroidery lesson in a blaze of glory, refuses Queen Cersei's tea invitation on the trip to King's Landing, forgoes attending the Hand's tourney, flees the Brotherhood without Banners. Arya is on average an intensely social creature, however her first line of defense to hide her feelings of inadequacy is not showing up in the first place.

And that's all set in place before the Hound kills Mycah.

In King's Landing, Arya experiences what is possibly her first depressive episode.

Arya had loved nothing better than to sit at her father's table and listen to them talk. She had loved listening to the men on the benches too; to freeriders tough as leather, courtly knights and bold young squires, grizzled old men-at-arms. She used to throw snowballs at them and help them steal pies from the kitchen. Their wives gave her scones and she invented names for their babies and played monsters-and-maidens and hide-the-treasure and come-into-my-castle with their children. Fat Tom used to call her "Arya Underfoot," because he said that was where she always was. She'd liked that a lot better than "Arya Horseface."

Only that was Winterfell, a world away, and now everything was changed. This was the first time they had supped with the men since arriving in King's Landing. Arya hated it. She hated the sounds of their voices now, the way they laughed, the stories they told. They'd been her friends, she'd felt safe around them, but now she knew that was a lie. They'd let the queen kill Lady, that was horrible enough, but then the Hound found Mycah. Jeyne Poole had told Arya that he'd cut him up in so many pieces that they'd given him back to the butcher in a bag, and at first the poor man had thought it was a pig they'd slaughtered. And no one had raised a voice or drawn a blade or anything, not Harwin who always talked so bold, or Alyn who was going to be a knight, or Jory who was captain of the guard. Not even her father.

"He was my friend," Arya whispered into her plate, so low that no one could hear. Her ribs sat there untouched, grown cold now, a thin film of grease congealing beneath them on the plate. Arya looked at them and felt ill. She pushed away from the table.

-AGOT, Arya II

To recap, symptoms of (childhood) depression Arya experiences here are: social withdrawal, heightened anxiety, loss of appetite, sudden changes in mood, low self-esteem, isolation from loved ones.

Notably, Arya's depression lifts when she's a) affirmed by Ned, b) in a manner that shows Ned values her, and c) is set to a task with a teacher who encourages her rather than berates her.

"We have come to a dark dangerous place, child. This is not Winterfell. We have enemies who mean us ill. We cannot fight a war among ourselves. This willfulness of yours, the running off, the angry words, the disobedience… at home, these were only the summer games of a child. Here and now, with winter soon upon us, that is a different matter. It is time to begin growing up."

"I will," Arya vowed. She had never loved him so much as she did in that instant. "I can be strong too. I can be as strong as Robb."

[Syrio] tossed her one of the wooden blades. She grabbed for it, missed, and heard it clatter to the floor. "Tomorrow you will catch it. Now pick it up."

-AGOT, Arya II

Panic gripped her throat like a giant's hand. Arya could not have spoken if her life had hung on it. Calm as still water, she mouthed silently.

-AGOT, Arya III

Her water dancing lessons provide her with progress she can be proud of, and mantras for self-soothing, which help her hide her anxiety & depression. This is a coping mechanism she relies on throughout the books.

Arya experiences another pronounced depressive episode when she begins her travels through the Riverlands, after her father has died and her family is splintered. She has volatile reactions to Hot Pie & Lommy teasing her, and her social withdrawal strikes again. Once again, she relies on what she learned from Syrio to soothe herself.

Arya slid into a water dancer's stance and waited. When he came close enough, she lunged, right between his legs, so hard that if her wooden sword had had a point it would have come out between his butt cheeks. By the time Yoren pulled her off him, Hot Pie was sprawled out on the ground with his breeches brown and smelly, crying as Arya whapped him over and over and over. "Enough," the black brother roared, prying the stick sword from her fingers, "you want to kill the fool?" [...] "Every time you look at him, he twitches," the Bull told her as she walked beside his donkey. She did not answer. It seemed safer not to talk to anyone.

-ACOK, Arya I

In the Riverlands, Arya adopts another coping mechanism: she dissociates.

There's no doubt that Arya is a strong warg and that her bond with Nymeria is intense even for the starkling standards. Yes Arya dreams as Nymeria, uses her wolf dreams as escapism from a world in which she feels helpless, but in ACOK Arya speaks of herself as a wolf before her wolf dreams start up again.

I won't cry, she thought, I won't do that. I'm a Stark of Winterfell, our sigil is the direwolf, direwolves don't cry. [ACOK, Arya I]

By the time they marched, Arya knew she was no water dancer. Syrio Forel would never have let them knock him down and take his sword away, nor stood by when they killed Lommy Greenhands. Syrio would never have sat silent in that storehouse nor shuffled along meekly among the other captives. The direwolf was the sigil of the Starks, but Arya felt more a lamb, surrounded by a herd of other sheep. She hated the villagers for their sheepishness, almost as much as she hated herself. [ACOK, Arya VI]

Yes, Arya thought. Yes, it's you who ought to run, you and Lord Tywin and the Mountain and Ser Addam and Ser Amory and stupid Ser Lyonel whoever he is, all of you better run or my brother will kill you, he's a Stark, he's more wolf than man, and so am I. [ACOK, Arya VIII]

Help me, you old gods, she prayed silently. Help me get those men out of the dungeon so we can kill Ser Amory, and bring me home to Winterfell. Make me a water dancer and a wolf and not afraid again, ever. [...] I'm not an evil child, she thought, I am a direwolf, and the ghost in Harrenhal. [ACOK, Arya IX]

She had been better off as Squab. No one would take Squab captive, or Nan, or Weasel, or Arry the orphan boy. I was a wolf, she thought, but now I'm just some stupid little lady again. [ASOS, Arya III]

Salty is a stupid child, she told herself. I am a wolf, and will not be afraid. She patted Needle's hilt for luck and plunged into the shadows, taking the steps two at a time so no one could ever say she'd been afraid. [AFFC, Arya I]

Arya conceptualizing herself as a wolf (which includes her lambasting herself for not being one) and Arya's wolf dreams are two different things. Arya is a wolf when she feels brave and powerful, whereas Arya dreams as a wolf when she is at her most vulnerable e.g. when the Bloody Mummers are set to discover her, after the Red Wedding, when she loses her sight.

It's a cycle of idealization and devaluation not uncommon to children's black-and-white thinking, but it's often pronounced in neurodivergent kids. At this point, Arya has experienced several traumatic incidents and largely been left to her own devices to grapple with them. While she rightly blames others for her suffering (Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Polliver, Raff the Sweetling. The Tickler and the Hound. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, King Joffrey, Queen Cersei), those people are all far away. Her pack is ever morphing. The only consistently available person she can take anger out on is herself, and her mechanism for doing this is by comparing herself against the ideal version of herself. The self that can be summarized as: the wolf.

By AFFC, she's done this process so much it's seamless. In fact, she can do it in her sleep.

The wolf dreams were the good ones. In the wolf dreams she was swift and strong, running down her prey with her pack at her heels. It was the other dream she hated, the one where she had two feet instead of four. In that one she was always looking for her mother, stumbling through a wasted land of mud and blood and fire. It was always raining in that dream, and she could hear her mother screaming, but a monster with a dog's head would not let her go save her. In that dream she was always weeping, like a frightened little girl. Cats never weep, she told herself, no more than wolves do.

-AFFC, Cat of the Canals

After the Red Wedding, Arya experiences her strongest depressive episode to date.

Some mornings Arya did not want to wake at all. She would huddle beneath her cloak with her eyes squeezed shut and try to will herself back to sleep. If the Hound would only have left her alone, she would have slept all day and all night.

And dreamed. That was the best part, the dreaming. She dreamed of wolves most every night. A great pack of wolves, with her at the head. [...] They would never leave her. [...]

They were never my pack, not even Hot Pie and Gendry. I was stupid to think so, just a stupid little girl, and no wolf at all. [...]

Some of the women tried to put her in a dress and make her do needlework, but they weren't Lady Smallwood and she was having none of it. And there was one girl who took to following her, the village elder's daughter. She was of an age with Arya, but just a child; she cried if she skinned a knee, and carried a stupid cloth doll with her everywhere she went. The doll was made up to look like a man-at-arms, sort of, so the girl called him Ser Soldier and bragged how he kept her safe. "Go away," Arya told her half a hundred times. "Just leave me be." She wouldn't, though, so finally Arya took the doll away from her, ripped it open, and pulled the rag stuffing out of its belly with a finger. "Now he really looks like a soldier!" she said, before she threw the doll in a brook. After that the girl stopped pestering her, and Arya spent her days grooming Craven and Stranger or walking in the woods. Sometimes she would find a stick and practice her needlework, but then she would remember what had happened at the Twins and smash it against a tree until it broke.

-ASOS, Arya XII

Recap: Disruptive sleeping habits, antisocial behavior, sudden changes in moods, low self-esteem, loss of interest in hobbies, isolation. Her coping mechanisms (water dancing [self-soothing through repetitive movement & mantra], positive relationships with others [creating a pack], & dissociation [striving to embody the wolf]) fail her entirely.

In AFFC/ADWD, Arya is in Braavos with the House of Black and White, an arc that nearly succeeds in fracturing her identity. However it's her reliance on her well-honed methods of coping with depression that guide her through this. Syrio taught Arya to practice repetition - as a water dancer, true, but Arya went on to use that to comfort herself, to keep her list of enemies, to consistently return to her ideal wolf persona as a touchstone. It’s already second nature to her in when she serves in Harrenhal, when she’s becoming accustomed to life on the run, as her various roles in Braavos.

Themes of return. An expansive internal world kept secret from adults. Places Arya is always going to retreat to because the world has always felt hostile to Arya Stark.

She padded to her basin on small, bare, callused feet, silent as a shadow, splashed cool water on her face, patted herself dry. Ser Gregor, she thought. Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Queen Cersei. Her morning prayer. Or was it? No, she thought, not mine. I am no one. That is the night wolf's prayer. Someday she will find them, hunt them, smell their fear, taste their blood. Someday. [...]

Skinny as they were, her legs were strong and springy and growing longer every day. She was glad of that. A water dancer needs good legs. Blind Beth was no water dancer, but she would not be Beth forever.

She knew the way to the kitchens, but her nose would have led her there even if she hadn't. Hot peppers and fried fish, she decided, sniffing down the hall, and bread fresh from Umma's oven. The smells made her belly rumble. The night wolf had feasted, but that would not fill the blind girl's belly. Dream meat could not nourish her, she had learned that early on.

-ADWD, The Blind Girl

Enough slaps, and she might stop chewing on her lip. Arya did that, not the night wolf. "I do deny it." "You lie. I can see the truth in your eyes. You have the eyes of a wolf and a taste for blood."

Ser Gregor, she could not help but think. Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Queen Cersei. If she spoke, she would need to lie, and he would know. She kept silent.

Arya bit her lip. She did not know what she wanted. If I leave, where will I go? She had washed and stripped a hundred corpses, dead things did not frighten her. They carry them down here and slice their faces off, so what? She was the night wolf, no scraps of skin could frighten her.

-ADWD, The Ugly Little Girl

So yes, Arya is neurodivergent. She copes with depression, trauma, and the everyday horrors of girlhood through repetitive soothing tasks & thought processes. Normally diagnosing ABC with XYZ is something I'd abstain from because it can be tricky, but Arya's experiences are so compelling in this frame, so age-specifically intentional, that I think it's worthy of discussion. I know there are a lot of conversations as to whether Arya really comes across as an eleven year old, but in this specific respect I'd say she hits the mark.

#arya stark #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #canonarya #aryastarkmonth2022 #text

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swaps55 · 11 months

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I feel like I know the gang so well, they're family. I found myself chuckling and answering most of those questions for myself. But surprise surprise, I'd love to hear your music picks (number 9 on the OC meme) for Aslany and Pendergrass.

Also, um, number 1 if you're feeling generous.

Thank you!!!!

Edgy OC Ask Meme

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC

Kara Pendergrass: Ha, this actually isn’t an easy answer because her vibe is so different from the other characters that I don’t often listen to music that evokes her specifically. She is a determined ray of sunshine, not out of any driving act to put kindness in the world, but as a defense mechanism. If you don’t take anything too seriously or hold it too close, no one can hurt you with it. Because she serves as my earthborn “Shepard,” so-to-speak, she’s also someone who learned very young that you might not get a tomorrow, so get your kicks today. And that’s why I like this one:

Hey child, hey child We were born wild Let your neon lights Keep shinin' bright

(Though I thought really hard about “Boom,” by the same artist, for obvious reasons XD)

Muriel Aslany: I have a similar problem with Aslany, because she just doesn’t quite lend herself to my usual writing aesthetic of “sad dude playing a guitar,” but I heard BURNS' cover of ‘Ho Hey’ while I was working on the latter part of Fugue, and then promptly went off and wrote the scene where Aslany will finally see Sam again after the reaper war. I love this song for her, because the cover is infused with so much wistfulness and longing, and as hard as she is on the outside, that’s the inner Aslany. Someone who desperately wants to belong, but doesn't know how.

I been tryin' to do it right I been livin' a lonely life I been sleepin' here instead I been sleepin' in my bed, sleepin' in my bed So show me family All the blood that I will bleed I don't know where I belong I don't know where I went wrong But I can write a song

The Lumineers version of the song has always felt like a ‘Yang song in general to me because of the lines, “So show me family, all the blood that I will bleed.” That whole bunch is a group of misfits who needed family. They found it in one another, and it’s worth bleeding for.

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

This is a tough question for both of them, because I’ve almost purposefully let their past histories stay a little murky. Both of them have childhoods they try not to think about. I have a lot of daydreams about Sam, Kaidan, Aslany, and Pendergrass hanging out at the orchard doing dumb shit like climbing trees and having chicken fights in the lake after the war, because they all had interrupted childhoods and I like the idea of them having the chance to reclaim them – together.

#swaps replies #katerinaalianovamindin #mememe #meme replies #muriel aslany #kara pendergrass #i have a lot of feelings about the fact #that the 'yang marines #wound up each representing a different piece of sam #except for kaidan #who was his missing piece

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khanyisile-2 · 9 months

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Standing on the edge of becoming an occupational therapist: reflections on your journey thus far and the way forward.

As I stand on the edge of becoming an occupational therapist, I find myself filled with a mixed feeling of excitement and introspection. As I take a moment to look back on how I have reached this point and consider the path that lies ahead, I find that this path has been one of my growth, learning, and self-discovery so far. This moment encourages me to think about the lessons I have gathered and embrace the challenges and opportunities that await me in the field of occupational therapy. In this blog, I will share my thoughts on the experiences that brought me to this point, my journey toward becoming an occupational therapist, and discuss my plans for the future as I’m at the edge of a fulfilling career.

Looking back my journey began with a strong interest and passion for understanding how individuals engage in meaningful activities and deal with difficulties in their daily lives. This strong interest led me to learn a lot about occupational therapy. I studied things like Anatomy and how the mind works (psychology) in my first year. And now, I’m studying ways to help people recover, and how social factors affect health. Each step of the way, I have felt motivated by the stories of patients I have met in my second year, who show strong determination and didn't give up on attending individual and group sessions with therapists, no matter what challenges they faced in their life. Although, others are being affected by their conditions or diagnoses as a result of not having the insight of attending sessions.

In my studies, I’m lucky to take part in ''practical experiences which guide me in using theory to support best practices while incorporating therapeutic reasoning skills'', (Walter et al., (2019)). However, this journey isn’t easy because there’s a lot of work that needs to be submitted and done such as case studies, write up, activity analyses, planning for individual and groups session, planning for the intervention, competency tests, case presentations, attending lectures, and assignments. I also work with different clients who have different issues, and I learned how to adapt so that I can do assessments, and conduct sessions, even if a client has a defense mechanism when you need to perform a session with him/her. For example, during my second-year psychiatry, I had a client who didn't want to participate in my sessions. I noticed that she enjoyed walking around, so I used this as a therapeutic opportunity to get information to her. The experiences that I got in each facility made me even more sure that occupational therapy can help people have better lives.

As I look ahead to the next part of my journey which is my fourth year, I feel excited and focused. I can't wait to use what I've learned in past years (in my first, second, and third year) to help real people in real situations. Yes, in those past years, I was working with real patients but in my fourth year, it will be different as I will be becoming ready to be an occupational therapist. I'll work with different experts to make plans that help individuals become more independent, have a better life, and reach their goals. I know that there might be tough times, like tricky cases needing creative answers or changes in healthcare, but I'm ready to take on those challenges with hard work and a desire to learn.

Looking ahead involves more than just doing the practical aspects of occupational therapy. It also includes constantly learning and improving my skill in performing case presentations as I'm presenting cases for different diagnoses. I'll stay updated by revising past information to help clients effectively so that I can provide the best care to my clients and contribute to the improvement of the field.

When I think about my journey until now, I feel grateful for the opportunities I've had and the steps I've taken so far. Deciding to be an occupational therapist is more than just picking a course, it's like a strong feeling that matches with my desire. As I am near to fulfilling my profession/ my goal, I'm excited that I will be making a difference in people's life by helping them and continue growing as a kind and skilled occupational therapist.

References

-Walter et al., (2019). Implementing an Occupational Therapy Student-run Clinic at the University of North Dakota, page 106. https://commons.und.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1406&context=ot-gradTop

-Mkhize et al., (2021). schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorders. Learn 2023, page 4

-Tryssenaar, Joyce. "The lived experience of becoming an occupational therapist." British Journal of Occupational Therapy 62.3 (1999): 107-112.

Iloilo Christian mission, (2020). Iloilo Christian mission church Visayas - ready to face life challenges’ introduction: challenges in life are inevitable. it is a matter of accepting it or ignoring it.

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asriel-dreemurr-instead-of-brain · 2 years

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incase you couldn't tell im suselle brainrotting rn so uh some suselle stuff some headcanons some analysis etc etc

- susie liked noelle first (this concept is so funny to me and i cant explain why). just the idea of noelle handing susie a pencil and susie IMMEDIATELY having Panic and just kind of looking at noelle sometimes like 'whats this feeling' meanwhile noelle barely knows she exist, only for noelle to later be the biggest fucking simp and have no idea that the person shes simping for really softly liked her first

- susie came to town less than a year ago (she hasn't met asriel which implies she's relatively new) and she moved from another school where other students got her expelled for something dumb thus why shes so paranoid and noelle showing kindness to her just make her So Fucking Gay

- i ship them very very very very very much but besides the romantic and gay panic thing I love the concept of them becoming friends first so we get the whole 'friends who are obviously in love' thing but also just because they seem like, beyond them being nervous and flustered, once they get comfortable, they actually trust each other a lot and have a special bond in a way they don't really have with anyone else hhh <3 (ppl asked: Platontic or Romantic and I rlly said "yes")

- not suselle necessarily but noelle is transfem and lesbian and susie is a she/her nonbinary and a lesbian (ive also seen a lot of other very valid headcanons, like transfem or transmasc susie or bi susie)

- susie is actually deeply embarassed about having a tail for Trauma Reasons so noelle noticing and not judging her probably meant a lot

- i see a lot of susie being a smooth bad girl and as nice as that is. susie is literally SO awkward and full of gay panic if she gets any level of affection she either 1) finds some way to brush it off to herself like 'oh its not really a big deal heh', 2) assumes that it's some kind of sick joke, or 3) fucking loses her shit and stops functioning

- i also see a lot of "noelle: omg susiesuisieisiusei shes here oh my god i love her oh my god look at her omg-" and "susie: *image of milk spilling inside of a thought bubble*/ref" and to an extent that's true and also very valid but the roles also reverse sometimes. when susie is like in casual mode shes just like this gremlin who isnt thinking about anything romantic but then shell enter panic mode and just get so fucking flustered and nervous like "DFJWIOEJFIOWEJ HI" and also overthink what noelle means (susie has a tendency to have trouble believing others mean positive things about her so whenever they say something nice her first instinct internally is probably to find out some other explaination) and noelle is either overthinking anxiety "holy shit i fucking LOVE her I could write an ESSAY" or just "omg susie *brain melts*" mode

- susie would not initiate first. susie is the type of person who would die waiting (or more likely die In Denial). Noelle would get nervous as HELL but after forever of susie being unable to make a move because she's Susie and also susie just missing every fucking hint Noelle would just be like 'ily you dumb bitch (affectionate)'

- when they get closer noelle is definitely the one who's more confident in their relationship,,, although she's very nervous and insecure, she trusts susie and gets to know how much of a dork she is. susie trusts noelle but it's also a little nervous/hesitant because susie pretty clearly just generally really cares about noelle in this soft way so i think she'd be really nervous about rejection

- "u-um- did you like- wanna- um- fuck nvm its stupid" "what is it" "IWASJUSTWONDERINGIFYOUWANTEDTOHOLDHANDSIFNOTTHATSFINEIDONTCARE" "susie we've been dating for a year"

- noelle is way more dirty-minded than susie. sex jokes fly over susie's head but noelle reads smut in her free time

- when noelle finds out it wasn't a dream she's gonna be like. "haha very funny ofc it was a dream" "hold on wait then you wouldn't know about it" "HOLY SHIT I TOLD SUSIE THAT OF COURSE ITS A DREAM IF SHES HERE................ FUCK...... IM SO EMBARASSED IM GONNA DIE SHE DEFINITELY KNOWS I LIKE HER NOW...." "wait that means that all the nice stuff she said,, was true,,, omg,,,"

- (noelle proceeds to bring it up to susie 'so um about the, the things i said when i thought i was dreaming, um,' and susie's just like '?' and noelle is trying to say 'sorry if i made things awkward because i like you (because i'm assuming you can tell)' without actually saying it but then noelle just slowly realizes that susie is dense as a brick)

- susie takes noelle being in trouble so seriously for someone she barely knows, like she clearly has a soft spot

- if noelle wasn't so self-conscious, she would be flirty as FUCK. and occasionally she might have a moment where that ends up showing and susie just fucking "what"

- noelle is either "i want this woman to lift me gently in her arms and look at me like i'm the only person in the world..." or "i want this woman to fucking DESTROY me" there is no in between.

- contrary to popular belief noelle can and will say fuck but only when shes alone because she's a bit embarassed about swearing, so someone she looks up to swearing a lot just makes her feel better about it

- susie would be like "yeah I dont care for christmas I don't see the point in doing anything for the holidays and all the sweaters are ugly-" and noelle would come up to her like "hey susie I made you this ugly sweater!!!" and susie would be like "ITS CHRISTMAS TIME BITCH LOOK AT THIS AWESOME SWEATER NOELLE MADE FOR ME !!!!!"

- susie would be constantly really shy about being in a relationship with noelle and avoid saying anything about it (she's not embarassed of noelle, she's just embarrassed at the idea of someone liking her in that way and still can't get used to the thought of someone wanting to be with her without Panicking), but when it comes to non-romantic things susie is really loud and proud about it like "HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT NOELLE DID THATS AWESOME AS FUCK", vs noelle who at first is shy about the relationship thing but like it drops pretty quickly and shes constantly talking about how much she loves her gf and susie just Fucking Dies

- susie really just likes holding noelle (and noelle really likes being held)

- when noelle confesses susie genuinely thinks its some kind of joke, depending on context she either gets upset/hurt (but then quickly realizes she's trying to move past doing that and apologizes) or she just gets kind of awkward like 'ummmm ok?' because she can't really process the idea of noelle Actually Liking Her

- noelle is the only person allowed to touch susies hair no i will not elaborate

- susie takes Forever to realize she has The Feelings even though she liked noelle from the start and when she realizes she just "AH FUCK.......NO..." ("fuck i forgot i was gay..... why... help..")

- noelle realizes immediately the moment she starts to like susie I can imagine her just sitting out in gym class and watching susie play a game with everyone (in which susie is ignoring all the rules) and she just kinda watches and then she goes. "dayuuuum." "ah shit it's the lesbianism again </3"

- susie says shell beat the shit outta you if you mess with her gf but if you talk shit about susie noelle just "SCUSE ME BITCH?"

- although she is generally a lot more nice and polite than susie

#susie deltarune #noelle holiday #utdr #deltarune #dr #suselle #susielle #headcanons #theyre lesbians your honor #just #two genuinely sweet girls at their cores...#who are girlbosses who are powerful #one who had to learn to be tough as a defense mechanism #one that just wants to be seen as good and pure based on how shes raised #myposts #textposts #deltarune headcanons #suselle headcanons

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hauntedselves · 2 years

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Clinical Formulations of Antisocial PD

Clinical formulations and case conceptualisations are introduced in this post.

These are all generalisations and theories of how ASPD develops, not something that is supposed to be true for everyone with ASPD.

Psychodynamic model

Similar to NPD, both form a pathological grandiose self

ASPD self is based on aggressive introject (internalised self), “stranger self-object”

Stranger self-object reflects caregiver as a stranger who can’t be trusted, is neglectful and abusive

Detachment from caregiver & lack of object permanency leads to detachment from relationships & emotions in adulthood

Attempts to bond with others are sadistic, destructive and controlling

Antisocials don’t see others as separate people so can’t feel empathy for them, or remorse for their actions

Biosocial model

Low serotonin creates tendency for impulsivity and aggression

Antisocials often have childhood trauma

Were difficult to comfort as babies, which may have interfered with normal attachment process

Low stimulation levels in the limbic system, responsible for emotions and behaviour, especially in survival situations (as abusive environments are)

Lack of capacity for fear results in impulsivity and inability to learn from experience

Caregiver abuse, absence and neglect intersects with antisocials’ behaviour as children and as adults; they feel abandoned and unwanted

From this they learn that they must look out for themselves since no one else will, which ties in with their manipulation and lack of remorse as adults

Cognitive-Behavioural model

Antisocials’ behaviour is “persistently irresponsible”

They view themselves as strong, clever and self-sufficient

View others as weak, vulnerable and exploitable, so they will manipulate or victimise them

Dismiss others’ thoughts and feelings as irrelevant to them

Difficulty planning for the future, so they orient themselves entirely in the present

Treatment revolves around managing impulsivity and anger

Core beliefs:

They must look out for themselves

They must be aggressive so others don’t try to dominate and abuse them

They are allowed to break rules

They rationalise their thoughts, feelings and actions (e.g., “I can’t afford this thing, and I want it, so stealing it is ok”)

Conditional beliefs:

If they don’t manipulate and exploit others, they won’t get what they want or need

Instrumental beliefs:

They must get others before they can get them

Take what they need, even if it doesn’t belong to them

Interpersonal model

Antisocials often experience childhood abuse and neglect

Results in adults with ASPD neglecting and exploiting others, and fiercely protecting their autonomy

Childhood trauma is internalised and often results in substance abuse, criminal behaviour, irresponsibility and neglecting duties

Likely as children to take over caregiver’s responsibilities, since no one else did

This results in continuing controlling behaviour and difficulty with emotional bonding as adults

People with ASPD may present as friendly and sociable, but emotionally detached and without regard for others

Integrative model

Antisocials often had “difficult child” temperaments during childhood; they were unpredictable, intense, tended to withdraw from situations, and had low, irritable moods

See themselves as strong, capable, cunning and tough

See the world as full of rules to keep them from getting what they want and need, so they disregard the rules

Defense mechanisms are often acting/lashing out and rationalising their behaviour, feelings and thoughts

Their caregivers were either abusive and hostile, or provided such good role models that their child could not and would not meet such high standards

Caregivers believed that “the ends justify the means”, which was modeled and reinforced in their child

Family structure tends to be disorganised and disengaged

Antisocials need to be powerful and in control, because they fear being abused and humiliated

This results in a denial of vulnerability and “soft” emotions, and being uncooperative

- From Sperry, Handbook of Diagnosis and Treatment of DSM-5 Personality Disorders (2016)

#personality disorder concepts #clinical formulations #len sperry #handbook of diagnosis and treatment of dsm-5 personality disorders #dogpost #aspd #aspd info #pd info #case conceptualisations

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moonlight-frittata · 3 years

Text

I Don’t Need a Mechanic

Overwatch: Dva and Brigitte (a few others make appearances)

Word count: ~5500

My take on when Dva meets Brigitte and the first month or so of them getting to know each other on base.

---

Six months Hana Song had been a part of Overwatch, and during that time she set a very strict precedent that no one, not even Winston or Athena the AI was allowed to touch her mech, Tokki. So seeing the back of someone inside the cockpit as she entered the Watchpoint Gibraltar hangar made her blood boil.

“Excuse me!! What the hell are you doing??”

The person’s body jerked, their head banging against the low roof of the cockpit ceiling they wedged their torso inside. Hana heard a short mumble of something incomprehensible and a long, thick ponytail of red hair retreated from the mech in a hurry. A very tall, buff young woman around Hana’s age emerged blushing with a sheepish grin.

“Ah! I’m so sorry, I couldn't help myself. I’ve always wondered what these Korean models looked like up close. But in hindsight I really should have asked first.”

Her accent was European, but it was hard for Hana to place with any real certainty. Could have been Scandinavian, remembering some of the players from Finland she competed against back in her pro days.

“Yeah, you should have fucking asked.”

The crimson hue on the tall, possibly Finnish trespasser’s cheeks faded and she held her ground, not scared off yet by D.va’s harsh tone.

“Right. Won’t happen again, I promise,” she said.

Dva scoffed a bit and pushed past the buff intruder to look inside the mech to inspect if anything was out of place. A moment of stuffy silence passed between the two and Hana hoped the other girl would get the message and leave.

“I’m Brigitte Lindholm by the way.”

Hana let out an audible huff as a familiar freckled face appeared looking through the glass on the other side of her heads up display.

“Oh. Yeah, Fareeha warned me a new girl was joining,” Hana replied from inside the cockpit while she busied herself checking Tokki’s systems.

“And you’re Hana Song, right?” Brigitte continued lightly, clearly unperturbed. “Or do you prefer to go by D.va?”

Hana paused at the mention of her gamer tag turned call sign.

“It’s Lieutenant Song, actually.”

Brigitte raised an eyebrow at the curt reply, her smile fading to a neutral expression. It only dipped for a moment though as she extended her hand.

It was an awkward gesture to shake hands from inside the mech, even though the front of the cockpit was partially open near the joysticks. Hana looked at Brigitte’s outstretched hand and gentle smile on the other side of the glass. Was this a joke? She pursed her lips and sized Brigitte up for a few tense seconds before reaching out. The grip was firm and Hana’s hand practically disappeared in Brigitte’s large palm.

“Lieutenant Song. It’s an honor to meet you.”

Hana sighed and rolled her eyes, a little of the bluster going out of her at the sincerity in Brigitte’s tone. Satisfied that no harm had come to the mech, she backed out of the cockpit.

“Just call me Hana. That rank doesn’t really mean anything here anyway. Lena will probably make fun of me if she hears you calling me Lieutenant.”

Brigitte walked back around Tokki to join her, a lingering hand tracing over the pink exoskeleton as she moved. “I’m surprised she doesn’t make you call her Captain.”

“Oh, she’s tried.”

Brigitte laughed.

“Sounds about right.”

D.Va chuckled for a moment, briefly disarmed by the new stranger, before she remembered how this person was rudely poking around her stuff only moments before, and snapped back into her gruff demeanor.

“Lindholm, you said? Like Torbjörn Lindholm?”

Brigitte sighed, clearly used to this connection.

“Yes. Genius engineer of Overwatch 1.0, founder of Ironclad Industries, husband to Ingrid, and father of way too many children, including yours truly.”

“So, you grew up in an Overwatch family?” Hana asked as her full attention focused on Brigitte for the first time in their conversation.

“You could say that,” Brigitte said. She picked up a silver ratchet resting on a nearby worktable, spinning the head around between her fingers and levering the handle back and forth, testing the weight distribution of the tool in her hand.

Hana could tell there was more to the story than her new teammate seemed willing to let on. She found it interesting that Brigitte, who had been all candid smiles a moment ago when she was caught somewhere she shouldn’t be and oversharing to someone she just met, was now hand waving around the subject.

Overwatch kids are pretty up their own asses about 1.0 normally. Wonder what her deal is...

This was what Hana was known for back in her pro days. Seeing a flaw in an opponent’s defense and breaking it wide open. But she needed to remember she only just met this girl, who would soon be her teammate. Maybe save that for another day.

“Well, Lindholm. As long as you stay clear of my mech, I don’t see a reason we should have problems working together. What’s your specialty?”

Brigitte perked up at the change of subject.

“Support. Both base level engineering support and in the field. I've got my bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, and I’ve been working on Reinhardt’s gear for over a year now. Angela - I mean, Dr. Ziegler, is training me to be certified as a field medic.”

“Tough job. Think you can handle the gore?”

A wry smile pulled at Brigitte’s lips, her head shaking back and forth in a small, bemused gesture as she placed her hands on her hips.

“You don’t pull any punches do you, Lieutenant Song?”

D.Va crossed her arms, holding eye contact with Brigitte who matched her gaze with amusement.

“The best shot caller in the world is just a loud piece of shit if her team isn’t up to the same standard. So yeah, I like to know who has my back and if she can handle herself.”

Brigitte regarded D.Va for a moment, her jaw working back and forth as if chewing on the approach she wanted to take in response.

“I’ve been patching up Reinhardt for a while now. If I’m honest though, I’m scared it’s not going to be enough one day. But that’s not what I need to focus on, and instead I’ll do the best I can to support the people here.”

The plain way Brigitte shared her apprehensions left Hana uncomfortable. She couldn’t imagine telling someone out loud she was afraid, especially on her first day. Though in truth, she herself felt scared shitless half the time while doing this work.

Brigitte’s smile was back. Did it ever leave that pretty face? It did suit her though, framed by the freckles and warm brown eyes. If this girl wasn’t built like a literal tank of 6 foot something muscle, Hana might have more apprehension about sending her out to fight Omnics and Talon.

“Well Lieutenant Song, I think I’ve taken up enough of your time with my intrusion. Fareeha and Winston will be missing me very shortly for the rest of their planned orientation schedule,” Brigitte said as she carefully placed the ratchet she previously picked up back on the workstation, breaking the spell of awkward silence.

D.Va smirked, feeling tension leave her shoulders to match Brigitte’s playful demeanor.

“Mmm, well now I understand why you were hiding down here.”

“Yes they are indeed quite enthusiastic and thorough with their material.”

She gave a wink and started to walk away, turning briefly to call over her shoulder.

“I noticed there was a small coolant leak under the left fusion cannon. Might get a bit sticky on the left hand.”

“Bye Brigitte, enjoy your 300 page orientation manual quiz.”

Brigitte waved once more and turned around, already so sure and familiar with the layout of the hangar and the base.

She’s just another Overwatch kid, and just another nosey engineer trying to get in my mech.

Hana lingered by her workstation, picking up the ratchet Brigitte had been fiddling with and thinking over their brief encounter again.

Would this girl be a liability on the battlefield? Brigitte looked strong on the exterior, but then, so did Tokki. If you took away the mecha armor, inside was just a squishy human target bullets and fire could cut through like paper the second she was exposed and vulnerable.

Hana took a deep breath.

She walked around to the left fusion cannon and did indeed see the signs that a coolant leak was backing up inside the casing. Pretty subtle to spot with minimal visible damage to the exterior.

Not bad, Lindholm.

D.Va pulled her headphones on, turning to her latest loop of pop songs to blast while she went to work removing the panels on the cannon to replace the broken coolant line. The task felt good, and helped her mind drift to thoughts other than her conversation in the hangar.

---

Hana didn’t see much of Brigitte the next few weeks. The new recruit was busy with training and learning mission protocols expected of field agents in addition to shifts with Mercy in the clinic to fulfill the certifications Brigitte was required to complete. Hana would see her sometimes at dinner, often in a spirited conversation with Reinhardt or Lena. It seemed to take Brigitte no time at all to fit in amongst the old guard, but it seemed that’s what being the favorite niece of pretty much every person here would get you.

Hana would half listen to their stories, always feeling awkward and out of place amongst their banter. Overwatch was like a family, but she was more like the stranger invited as someone’s plus one. Everyone seemed to have an ingrained familiarity with each other. A single word could trigger a whole series of anecdotes every person around had some personal insight to add on to.

Remember this!

Oh how is so and so?

Damn, that was 5 years ago already?

Even on her squad in Korea, she never had what they people here seemed to have. Dae-hyun was a close childhood friend and followed her into the MEKA squad, but the other pilots were a different story. There was always a bit of friction and distance with the rest of her teammates because of their history as pro-gamer competitors forced into an arrangement as teammates. It never really gelled beyond cordial coworker relationships. Hana’s celebrity status didn’t help either, only adding another barrier between herself and the others. The fame of D.Va closed her off in access to most people unless they were on the other side of a screen, and then they only saw a polished up version of herself.

Not exactly the best way to get close to people.

Sometimes she was curious to learn more when she heard the Overwatch stories, but she always stopped herself before saying anything. It was easier to pull out her phone and queue up a game. Easy to pull back and ignore them, and usually they left her alone to do it.

She was okay with that. She was okay with keeping Hana and D.Va separate. She was okay with only polite greetings and trite platitudes. She didn’t need to know about the times from before, or what her Overwatch teammates did on the weekends. She just needed them to listen to her in the field and leave her room to make her plays. Like every time she started a new game, she didn’t have to focus on the past, or what others thought, she just had to focus on the objective in front of her. It’s what got the job done and what kept her alive.

---

Brigitte kept her word to stay out of Hana’s mech. She set up her own work station on the other side of the hangar where she worked on Reinhardt’s gear as well as her own. Hana would sometimes see the blue flash of a shield out of the corner of her eye over the hum of diagnostic scans or smell the burn of sparks from welding.

One day curiosity got the best of her when she heard the loud, repetitive pounding of a hammer on metal and she wandered across the hangar.

“You’re doing that by hand?”

Brigitte stopped working when she heard the voice behind her, the deafening echo silenced on the metal shoulder guard she was beating against.

“On this armor I do. Reinhardt’s gear is special from the time it was made. It has to be maintained with some older techniques.”

“Why?”

Brigitte looked at her surprised for a moment then laughed, loud and warm.

“You know, I wondered the same at first. It’s a bit of the way this armor is made, modern techniques can be too harsh on it, interestingly enough. Too precise and it becomes too fragile.”

“That doesn’t sound true,” D.va said.

“Oh, questioning my methods huh? Well, maybe the truth is more I didn’t originally have the right gear out in the field, and Reinhardt didn’t have much modern tech either, so the only way to do it was by hand. But it’s nice actually to keep doing it this way, I like getting my hands dirty with it. Helps me relax.”

“See that I believe.”

“Well, I’m glad I have your approval, Lieutenant Song.”

D.Va rolled her eyes, but smiled a little.

“I told you before, you can just call me Hana. Although, I do like the respect of authority.”

“Lieutenant suits you.”

Hana smirked a little at the complement, turning to pick something up on a nearby table. She picked up one of Brigitte’s gauntlets, slipping it on her hand. Her arm sagged under the weight, the glove coming up well above her elbow.

“Is it exhausting wearing all this armor? How do you run around with it on? I can barely lift this thing.”

“There’s movement assist when the unit is turned on. But I mean, I think I can handle it.”

Brigitte smirked as she made a show of flexing her well defined arms, and Hana couldn’t help but gawk a bit before she turned back to fiddling with the glove.

“Um, yeah I uh, noticed you seem to be in good shape.”

“Oh yeah?” Brigitte was smirking, clearly enjoying the slight fluster she was causing in her new teammate. Hana put the glove back on the table and gave Brigitte a light shove on the arm.

“Oh give me a break, you know you’re buff. Do you even own a shirt with sleeves?”

“I’m very familiar with OW 2.0’s handbook, and the dress code is quite lax about on-base personal attire. But, mostly I just like hearing you complement me.”

Hana rolled her eyes. “Well, I’m glad you’re strong enough to move your ass around in this armor so you can protect my blindspots while I’m doing all the real heavy lifting.”

Brigitte laughed again. Hana couldn’t help but smile too at the warm sound. Brigitte’s whole face lit up, and her eyes crinkled around the edges. No wonder she was the favorite niece.

“Fair. I’ve seen your battle footage and some news clips when you were back in Korea. You’re so strong, I doubt you even need me.”

“Ah, another fan of D.Va. Well, who can blame you,” Hana said with a flick of her hair. She continued to walk around Brigitte’s workstation, picking up random pieces of armor. Brigitte didn’t seem to mind.

“Actually Reinhardt was the real die hard D.Va fan. We used to always have a stash of the instant noodles with your face on them in our rig. Great shelf life. I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you for an autograph yet.”

“Well he’s one to talk! Did you know, when I was a kid there was a Reinhardt special edition line of noodles? I remember I tried them once and they had such a weird flavor. It was like ketchup and curry powder or something. He had a pretty big fanbase in Korea actually.”

“Hah! I didn’t know that, but I’d believe it. There’s been so much Overwatch merchandise over the years, I’ve lost track. They were such celebrities back in the day.”

“Yeah.”

Hana knew a thing or two about having her image used for propaganda. She wondered for a moment what it was like for Brigitte, growing up amongst the same environment, but removed from the center of it. An image of her laughing in the cafeteria with the old guard flashed through her mind. She decided it must have not been too bad, and refrained from asking the question.

“Okay well, I’ll leave you to your meditative, hammer time. I need to get back to my mech anyway, I’ve got a mission tomorrow morning,” Hana said, turning to leave. Brigitte let out a long sigh, slumping into a chair.

“Oh, it must be nice to leave the base.”

Hana stopped in her tracks, curious again, hearing such an outburst from Brigitte. She turned around and poked one of Brigitte’s large muscles near her shoulder.

“Oh come on, don’t be dramatic. You’ll be done with your training block soon. Fareeha is just, really particular before she lets anyone out on a mission. It took almost two months, and me breaking every score in the simulators for her to let me out in the field.”

“I know, I know. It just sucks sometimes feeling like everyone is being overprotective of me. I can handle myself, I’m not a little kid.”

Hana couldn’t help but give a little hmphf sound, her lips pulling down at the corners.

“Yeah, I get that feeling. You can’t speed up time though, you just have to grind it out.”

Hana wasn’t normally one for listening to whining, but she thought Brigitte looked quite cute while she pouted, her arms crossed tight against her torso and her lip jutted out. It was hard not to laugh at the sight a bit, but Hana held her tongue. She really did know how it felt to want to prove yourself.

“Hey come on, there’s plenty of work you’re doing here that’s valuable. And when you’re ready, you’ll get called up and out there with the rest of us.”

Brigitte took a deep breath, seeming to blow out the negative feelings in one dramatic sigh. When she straightened up in her chair she seemed to be in better spirits, smiling at Hana again.

“You probably know better than anyone how to do that. Thanks Lieutenant, I’ll try. Let me know if my hammering gets too distracting. I can always go find something else to do.”

“It’s fine. I hardly noticed.”

“Well in that case, I’ll just be over here until dinner time.”

---

A few days later Hana almost threw her computer across the hangar.

“Why is this piece of shit so useless!”

The MEKA diagnostic program she used to keep Tokki up to date was crashing every five minutes when she tried to run a scan of the system. It had slowly been degrading the last few weeks and after the latest mission it apparently decided it had enough. She tried every trick she knew, both from working on the mech for years and everything she could think of on her personal gaming rig, but she only had rudimentary coding skills and was vastly out of her depth.

“Everything okay?”

Brigitte’s gentle voice called out from a few feet away as she had stopped her own work to come see D.Va’s meltdown.

“Everything’s fine. Except I’m going to have to go throw this piece of crap, and then myself, in the ocean.”

“Sounds like a costly solution. What’s going on?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine, I don’t need anyone’s help.”

She could feel Brigitte’s sympathetic look burning into her cheek and hated it.

“Okay no problem. I’m around though, just let me know if you want an extra set of eyes.”

Hana stared at the email she had sent to Dae-Hyun the day before that still had no response. She knew her mech’s hardware inside and out, but he was the one who really handled all the intense computer program internals. She was out of her depth here and needed him to call her so she could get this thing working again, but he wasn’t answering. Maybe he was deployed somewhere or too busy with a social life now that she was gone.

She had decided to come here for Overwatch. So maybe she should trust Overwatch.

“Brigitte, wait a minute.”

The other girl paused and turned, only having walked a few feet away from D.Va’s workstation.

“I could probably use some help here, if you’re still offering?”

Brigitte smiled, but it was more muted than her usual mega watt grin. Hana appreciated that she wasn’t making a big deal about it.

God, why is this girl so nice.

“Definitely.”

Brigitte walked around the workbench where Hana set up her computer station and listened to the general description of the problems. As Hana started clicking through screens to show the protocol she usual ran, Brigitte held up a hand to make her stop.

“I understand what you’re saying, but looking at the text, I can’t read Korean. Does it have a translation setting?” “I doubt it. This thing was only meant to be used by the Korean MEKA squad.” Hana felt her stomach drop at how quick her hopes of getting this programming running were already dashed.

“Well lucky for us, Overwatch has some very robust translation tech we can utilize.” “Really? It’s not the AI is it? I’ve been so resistant to letting her in my computer.”

“That would be one possibility, but there are some more localized options we have. I’ve had to do this once or twice on one of my papa’s projects.”

“How long will it take?” “Don’t know! Could take a while, I’m not going to lie to you, especially with your program already acting buggy. But don’t worry Lieutenant, we’ll sort you out.”

Hana groaned, already having major doubts about letting Brigitte mess with her tech. But she didn’t have a lot of options, and this was probably the least embarrassing choice on the table at the moment.

Brigitte moved back and forth between D.Va’s workstation and her own across the hangar, gathering cables and a laptop she would use to debug the system. Hana watched over Brigitte’s shoulder for a while, monitoring her work to get the translation program working on the MEKA diagnostic software.

“Where’d you learn to do this type of thing?”

“Back in college. I had to learn a certain amount of coding for my major, but I helped out Winston some in his lab on campus and he taught me a lot of tricks too.”

“Jesus, is there literally anyone on this fucking base you don’t have some personal connection with?”

Hana stepped away from the computer and dropped down into an empty chair with a huff, spinning the chair on its axis in erratic circles.

Brigitte stopped typing and watched Hana’s tantrum. “It bothers you that I’ve got a close connection to Overwatch?”

Hana did not reply, but crossed her arms and let out a frustrated sigh. Brigitte’s gaze held her for a moment but eventually shifted back to the computer screen as she seemed to weigh her thoughts on how to respond.

“Why did you leave the MEKA squad to join Overwatch?” she asked finally. “It doesn’t have the best history as an organization, you know.”

Hana stopped spinning to look at the side of Brigitte’s face, who’s eyes were still trained on the laptop screen. “Well it’s better to actually be in a fight than on the sidelines.”

Brigitte stopped what she was doing and turned to face D.va. “You’re the best pilot in the MEKA program. Why would you be sidelined?”

Hana let out a bitter laugh. “Best pilot? I was more than that. I was the face of the fucking Korean army! Which eventually meant I was too valuable to be an actual soldier.” Hana stood up walking to the end of the workbench, reaching out to touch one of her mecha’s guns. She couldn’t see Brigitte, but she could feel the other girl watching her.

“I got real banged up in a fight with the Gwishin. Like, probably should have died kind of banged up. I was out of action for months. After that, the army realized they couldn’t let the poster girl for their success stories die in an actual fight. So they moved me off the Busan base and deployed me to lead baby fights happening inland, but whose sole purpose was really just a photo op.”

Hana balled her fist in anger at her side, remembering how awful it hurt seeing images of herself on television in all those epic battle sequences, reporters singing praises of heroism, only to know the real truth that it was all a fabricated lie. She couldn’t stand it.

“So when Winston and Lena came to my apartment and asked me to join the new Overwatch, it was a no brainer. My piloting skills are too valuable to just be sidelined in a studio with a green screen.”

The MEKA squad team was fairly understanding when she told them. The same couldn’t be said for her commanding officers, but as D.Va, the amount of influence and money at her disposal proved sufficient for a smooth enough transition.

“I believed this was my shot to get back in the fight. So even if there’s some bad history there, this is a new chance for me, and I am ready to deal with any fallout.”

Text whizzed by in the background of the computer screen as the console spat out a continuous stream of logs from the program Brigitte fired off as she listened in silence.

“I never liked Overwatch. I still don’t,” Brigitte finally said.

Hana turned to face her, very confused.

“Really? But, you’re like, one of the legacy kids.”

“All that means is I know more of the gritty details and seen firsthand the way people I love were chewed up by this place.”

Hana’s brow furrowed in thought, crossing her arms as she focused on Brigitte. Hana had been so taken in by all the happy scenes in the mess hall and around the base, she hadn’t even thought about the implications and complications that must have been a part of Brigitte’s life. She was so good at always putting on a bright face, how could she have known?

Brigitte took a deep breath, looking weary as she took a moment to gather her thoughts.

“When I was a kid, it was like I was one of those audience members you talked about. I was told all the best stories about heroes and villains, and it so happened that my family were literally starring as those heroes. But when I was a little older, I started learning more about history, and the other side of things. The PETRAS act. In fighting and war crimes. Blackwatch. Angela’s medical tech weaponized against her wishes, by my own father it turns out. Winston and Tracer buried under so much red tape, I’m honestly surprised they were ever allowed to leave a military base of their own free will. And Reinhardt... He’s a lot like you, I think. Brave, loyal, too stubborn to be just the face of a movement without putting his own skin on the line. Not when there’s something bigger than himself he believes in.”

A deep sigh, and an almost painful expression crossed her face.

“So no, I don’t like Overwatch. But I also can’t sit on the sidelines while they risk their lives, knowing I can help them. They’re my family. So here I am. Family can be complicated, ya know?”

Before Hana could come up with something to say, the computer dinged behind them. Brigitte tapped on the keys, reading quickly when a smile crossed her lips.

“Look at that, perfectly legible Swedish.”

“It’s fixed?” Hana hurried over to look at the computer screen.

“Well, the translation program is running. Now I need to actually debug your diagnostics program.”

“Ughhhh, I’m never going to leave this place.”

Brigitte chuckled. “Don’t worry, we’ll get it done. Feel free to go get some dinner if you want. This will take a while.”

“No way I’m going to leave you here all alone!”

“I promise I won’t touch Tokki.”

“It’s not...it’s not that, Brigitte. I just don’t feel right strolling off to dinner while you’re stuck here fixing my shit.”

Brigitte smiled.

“Okay. I definitely don’t mind the company.”

---

Hana tried to keep up with what Brigitte was talking about as she debugged the code. And she could follow along, for a while. Eventually she was way too lost to feel useful, and didn’t want to distract Brigitte while she was fixing the issues, so she retreated to a nearby futon against a wall. It was well past midnight, and Hana’s eyes were starting to droop. Brigitte drank one of the Dva branded nano cola energy drinks a while ago and seemed to be completely in the zone.

The next thing Hana knew there was a strip of bright light in her eyes as the sun started to stream in through a window in the hangar. Hana stretched to pull out the discomfort her back protested with from not being in her bed, but it was really not that unfamiliar, considering some of the positions she’d fallen asleep at her gaming computer before. A blanket was draped across her body she didn’t remember picking up when laid down on the futon. She was all alone in the hangar and her watch told her it was just after 5am.

“Brigitte?”

No one answered.

She sat up, noticing an unopened water bottle and energy bar laid out on the ground beside her futon with a little sticky note.

“Give it a go, Lt - Brig”

Hana scooped up the rations and dropped in front of the dark screen of her laptop. When she started up the terminal screen, her diagnostic programming kicked off like it normally did. All in Korean.

The screen showed exactly where an electric circuit was tripping in the defense matrix grid of the mech, which had been glitching in the field the last few days. Hana noticed the parts and tools needed to complete the fix laid out on the workbench neatly, but when she poked her head in the mech, it remained untouched.

She smiled to herself.

“Kept her word to stay out of Tokki. These Overwatch kids are too much sometimes.”

D.Va pulled the panel off her mech and got to work.

----

At dinner that night, Hana spotted Brigitte in the mess hall with Reinhardt, Tracer and Winston. Brigitte gave her a wink when she noticed her. Hana got her meal and sat beside her, leaving her phone in her pocket for once.

“Thanks for the help with Tokki, Brigitte. Works like a charm now.”

“It was my pleasure, Lieutenant Song.” Brigitte’s smile was kind, her expression gentle and warm. Hana noticed this close up Brigitte’s eyes were lighter around the edges, and she had a few more freckles on her left cheek than the right.

“Did I just ‘ear you call ‘ana Lieutenant?” Lena cut in. “She’s ‘Lieutenant’, but I can’ get none of you to call me Captain? Double standards round ‘ere, I tell ya what.”.

“Well, Hana was a more recent officer in her respective position, while you have been discharged from the RAF for several years now.”

“Who’s side you on Win!? Those ranks don’t expire!”

Brigitte chuckled, whipping her head around to look at Tracer’s shaking her hand dramatically in the air, eyes downcast in an over acted, scandalized look. Hana also let out a small giggle.

“Your rank on the flight simulator scoreboard sure did,” Hana said, poking her tongue out with a playful smirk at Tracer. Brigitte, Reinhardt and Winston all laughed.

“She’s got you there, Lena,” Brigitte said.

“The youth of today. Ruthless.” Tracer grabbed a fist over her heart as if shot in the chest by a bullet.

“You know, back in my days of Overwatch…”

Reinhardt started in on one of his specially tailored stories for whatever situation was at hand, this case a very detailed recount of the first time he granted a field promotion in the Crusaders. Brigitte sighed, correcting inaccuracies she heard along the way, giving a wink to Hana when Brigitte’s presence in the story was pulled into the story much later on.

Lena took up the torch after that, remembering a time she accidentally flew into restricted airspace and managed to sweet talk her way out of being shot down. They all took turns sharing more elaborate one ups from their time before Overwatch. Hana even volunteered a story, sharing the time she convinced Dae-hyun to set Tokki up to stream a battle with the omnics. She broke her single day subscriber count in under one hour.

They all laughed well into the night, and for the first time Hana really started to feel like part of the team.

---

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed!

#overwatch #mekamechanic #dva #brigitte lindholm #laura writes #man I've been poking at this for ever finally time to just put it out in the world so I can think about something new ahaha #hope you like!#hana song #(also there was no 300 page onboarding manual until Pharah wrote it)

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harcove · 3 years

Note

Are your request still open? If so, can I request for Leon Kennedy x Younger!Fem!Reader where Leon trains the reader because she doesn’t know how to defend herself and he thinks it’s useful if she did?

Thank you god for requesting this. And also to every other person who sent stuff in, and really excited to do them. We gotta flash flood the Leon Kennedy tag with x reader stuff 👉👈👀

Length: 1k

Request: in the ask

Warnings: none, except a touch of angst maybe? Also age gap. But it's legal.

Leon Kennedy x Reader - Peace of Mind

"I don't get why I'm doing this?"

Leon ignored you as he moved your arm to stretch farther than you would've liked. You didn't protest though, mainly because you knew he wasn't going to listen.

"So you don't accidentally pull a muscle and hurt yourself," he responded plainly.

You didn't say anything back. Instead, you continued to stretch like he told you to. Leon was older than you, and it seemed to affect the relationship between the two of you. He had seen more than you had, faced things he would never be able to hide from. And you were younger, you hadn't seen half the things he had. You weren't as cautious as he was, and sometimes it stressed the man out.

One day he decided that you were going to learn some self-defense and he was going to teach you it. You had no room to argue, mainly because he wasn't going to let you. But also because you really had no reason to say no. Knowing how to defend yourself, especially if he wasn't there, was a good thing.

That didn't mean you had to like the process.

"Leon, my arms are tired," you moaned out as you dropped them from the position he had you in, it was some sort of defense mechanism he was trying to teach you, but you had lost the plot somewhere along him explaining.

That was another thing about you being younger than him. Your youthful attention span hated to stay focused on things like this.

He sighed, slackening his stance and looking at you through half-lidded eyes, "I don't think a random person trying to attack you, or whatever it is that tries to attack you, is going to care that your arms are tired Y/N."

"No, but it would catch them off guard if I just announced it, right?" you raised your arm back up to try to chop Leon in the neck, a completely fruitless effort because he was quicker than you and grabbed your smaller, frailer, arm with his calloused hands that had been through a lot.

"If it's already dead, that doesn't work," you could see the smile in his eyes and the way his lips seemed to fight off the side smile you almost evoked from him.

There was one of the positives to the youth you had against him; sometimes you made him feel like he was a fresh off the street 21 year old again.

"And also if their a trained government agent who does this stuff for living?"

"Yeah, that too."

Leon shook his head and completely relaxed his stance, so you did the same. He grabbed a water bottle and handed it to you before grabbing his own and taking a swig from it. You eagerly drank from the bottle as you decided to plop yourself down on the floor right where you stood.

You looked up at him with big eyes and spoke, "I know defending myself would obviously be beneficial Leon but you really are tough. It's not that serious..."

"It is serious," he said seriously, moving to sit down on the floor in front of you, "it's serious."

You didn't know what to say, so instead, you looked into his face now that he was on the same eye level as you. His blue eyes looked tired and anxious, and his brow was furrowed in a way that was all too familiar, sadly. It pulled at your heartstrings, and his anxiety seemed to reflect itself in you as you worried about him. You always worried about him.

"It's useful. And I just... Listen Y/N, if you got hurt and couldn't defend yourself I don't know what I'd do, especially knowing that I could've taught you how to defend yourself" he ran a hand through his hair, which you heard hadn't really actually changed much at all since he was younger, "it would give me some peace of mind at least if you knew how to throw a proper punch at someone."

Your face softened up and your stomach twisted as you reached a hand across from you to grab onto one of his that wasn't preoccupied with his hair. When you took his hand into your own much smaller one, it was like his hand told you a million stories. It was rough, it had callouses. It had some minute scars and was clearly the hand of someone who knew what he was talking about. Someone who had fought horrors you couldn't even imagine. There wasn't a thing you really could do to take away those horrors; to make it all better. But it was the little things that you could do that made things easier. That made things seem not so dire, not so empty.

You squeezed his hand, and he involuntarily squeezed it back.

"Okay, you've made your point- can you teach me how to suplex a guy like in those wrestling shows, cause I mean I think that would be kinda cool, and no one is gonna wanna fuck with me if I-"

"Slow down," he let out a laugh that was like music to your ears, "maybe learn how to actually throw a punch without breaking your hand first."

He had stood up and held his hand out for you to take which you gratefully did, being lifted off the floor like you were as light as a feather.

If learning how to punch a guy in the face made Leon feel lighter, feel better, when if it was just a little bit, then you would do it 100 times over.

#leon kennedy x reader #im gonna put this under a read more when i get home im on mobile rn and cant do it akfkakdk #leon kennedy #leon #re #resident evil #leon s. kennedy #leon scott kennedy #mine #amy writes

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omiscurls · 3 years

Note

Heyhey! I couldn’t find your rules, so idk if this is allowed or not, and if it isn’t feel free to ignore this, but may I request Childe with a reader who has depression? Thank you

tough

a/n: hi!! sorry for that, the rules are added by now, i chose not to describe depression itself, because it looks different on everyone, and you may not relate to what applies to me, but i'm hoping you'll find this enjoyable instead!!

plot: character helping the reader out of a breakdown, or a bad headspace

contains: tartaglia, kaeya

warnings: bad copying mechanisms, low mental place, nothing too serious mentioned

tartaglia

now, he's a man of action less than words, even though he's good with those, too

and to add to that, he's also a very perceptive person - if some negative vibe lingers on you for too long, he'll notice right away

however, relying on his experience, he opts to give you space to figure it out on your own, first, he wouldn't like to be making a huge deal of something that was just a worse couple of days

it's when you don't show up at your usual dinner spot, that he gets a little tingle in his brain, telling him to not dismiss it this time.

and so, he makes his way over to your place.

"ya there?" you hear on the other side of the door, followed by urgent knocking, sort of breaking you out of a trance, but you can't find it in you to go and answer it. he'll go away, you think, even better. your apartment is messy, you're messy, too, and it's not the right time to be receiving visitors. so you stay quiet.

"you do know i know you're in there, right?" he speaks up again "the blinds would be down if you weren't"

come in, you want to shout, and although no voice leaves your throat, soon the door opens anyway.

"hey, what's up, you weren't on the- oh." he stops in his tracks in the middle of the corridor, and you're already mentally prepared to a snarky remark about your sorroundings, but the only thing he says is a lighthearted "why're you sitting on the floor?"

the first thing he thinks about is to level with you, so he plops himself down right beside you, and you bet it looks funny - you in yesterday's clothes, in a big, probably smelly, mess, and then a harbinger in full military outfit right beside you.

"i-" you try to say, but your throat seems too dry and worn out, so you opt for a whisper "look at his place"

he indeed does, hinting the small note of desperation in your voice.

"what about it?"

"it's a mess!" you sigh, covering your face with your hands, out of both embarrassment, and fatigue. you take a big breath before continuing "so i wanted to clean it up, i even brought all the... all the things, but it's so much stuff to do, and i'm tired, and- and i don't know!" you choose to stop as not to snap right then and there. "i can't even do my shitty chores right like an adult" you mumble, massaging your temples.

"and is sitting on the floor helping?" he simply asks, and for a second, you're almost mad at him for not being more... cooey and fuss over you a bit more. he sounds cold.

"what are you-"

"really, is it helping?" he repeats "because from how i see it, every little thing would seem bigger if you looked at it from this angle. come on" he nudges you before standing up, and offering a hand to lift you up. you, however, shake your head.

"i really can't deal with it today, childe, i'm sorry"

"just stand up" he pleas, and the second you take his hand, he helps you up in less than a second. when you're on his level again, he sneaks both his arms on the sides of your waist, and sort of sways around a little, before speaking again. "what if, what if we do it little by little? look, we'll start over there" he puts his hand on top of yours, and lifts your arm to point to the full sink along with his. "and that'd be it for today! and then tomorrow... actually, let's not make plans. we'll just pick something tomorrow, and do it then. does the sink sound like a lot to do?" he asks.

"do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to say no" you mutter, earning the heartiest and brightest laughter you've heard in days from him.

"always honest. but come on, i'll help." he rolls you out of his embrace, causing you to feel a sudden wave of cold, it was comfortable back there, you think.

however, as he works through the dishes with you, the pile does seem to lessen, and doesn't rule over your kitchen anymore. every time he hands you a plate to dry, he smiles as wide as he can, and it doesn't seem to bother him at all when you don't smile back.

"remember" he starts again, after a while of comfortable silence. he looks ridiculous, doing the kitchen duties in an outfit designed mostly to look presentable and slay enemies in it, but the look on his face is dead set. "the first lesson you've gotta learn before going off to battle something, is that the best defense is always, always to fight back. and if you don't think you can manage that, well, that's why nobody ever battles alone. it's common sense to have someone watching your back. and as for you, not only are you a great warrior yourself, but you've also got the best second-in-command willing to help you out. don't forget that."

kaeya

as for him, he's also perceptive and empathic, but the difference between him and tartaglia is that he does believe people have the right to figure some things out on their own, he's a firm believer in the magic of secrets

that's probably because he himself doesn't like to share too much about his deeply personal feelings

so he'd obviously see some wave of difficult emotions coming your way, but would he immediately start worrying? probably not

the guy doesn't have healthy copying mechanisms himself, don't think he expects those of others

every other night the two of you meet up at the tavern, kaeya always ordering wine, you asking the bartender for whatever was in store today, but it's never anything alcoholic.

and just like nearly always, you're seated at angel's share, him noticing you're not particularly in the mood for talking, and choosing to entertain you with as many stories of the day that went by as he can remember.

the waiter interrupts him, asking if your minds are already made up regarding the drink. now, kaeya always has you picking first, but since he sees you're still analyzing the card (as if you expected to find anything new), he goes first with a drink he knows charles makes really strong.

to his surprise, when it comes to you, you just mumble "i'll have the same he had"

before the waiter has a chance of writing that down, kaeya tells him that actually, you're gonna need a minute or two more, and to erase the order you've both put in.

as he walks away, the calvary captain's eyes pierce through yours.

"that's a pretty nasty drink you wanted there" he starts, feeling he can't let you handle your mess this time, preparing to dig a little deeper into what's on your mind.

you shrug your shoulders.

"hey" he speaks up a little firmer, hand moving to cover yours, and even though they twitch as to retreat from his grip, you let it be. "tell me what's up."

"nothing's <up>" you accentuate. "can't i even have a drink now?"

"obviously you can" he nods "as long as i know you're trying it just for the taste, and not for the strong kick it's gonna offer, cause that's a dangerous path that only leads to nasty places." concern shines through his gaze, and an encouraging smile is wandering somewhere in his expression, however his lips are still pressed into a tight line, the same he forms when he's either fighting or arguing.

you stay silent for a good long while, before sighing.

"maybe i want the kick. good, or bad, maybe i want to feel... something."

the sentence sounds all too familiar, as he shakes his head and takes your hand, leading you towards the exit.

"what're you-"

"you're obviously not in the right state to be in a bar, of all places" he states almost coldly "so i'm getting you somewhere safer."

the two of you leave the bar, and walk out into the cold of mondstadt's street, covered in the darkness of the night. you walk past him, not leveling up to him, just tagging along to whatever he's going.

it comes as a surprise, that you're neither headed for your apartment, nor his, nor the knights' headquarters. he's guiding you in an unknown direction, until you reach a dead end.

he clims up a small building, offering you a hand and shaking off your confused expressions and questions. "you'll see" he says. the two of you walk from roof to roof, and countless times you tell him it's ridiculous, but then, he jumps onto the city's wall, helping you out with two hands this time, sitting you down right next to him on the stone surface of the wall. it's a little wet from the night's humidity, and cold, and probably dirty too, but the moon shines right at you, and from this perspective, you see thousands of lights in houses, taverns and shops, from the bottom up to the cathedral.

going up from that, a calm and peaceful lake paints the landscape blue on the left, and even from up here, you see a sea of lampgrasses shining through the leaves of wolvendom forest. if you squint, lights are still on in dawn winery, and the path to liyue and all the other lands swirls around near diluc's house. there's so much you can see, even if the night limits your vision.

"i like to come here when i need to gain some perspective over what is happening in my life right now" kaeya speaks really softly and quietly, bordering on a whisper. "it's a beautiful view, even someone as insensitive to art as i am can see that, but other than that... it's huge. and even though it is, it's also alive. every single one of those beings whose lights are dying out as they slowly go to sleep one by one, they're alive. they're not a scenery, they're their own, individual worlds. and they all coexist with each other in such a clever manner, don't you think? they have their differences, they might even hate each other, or wish the worst upon the other's name, but from up here? they fit together like puzzles of one, big picture."

"that's a nice way to put it, for sure" you whisper, looking down onto your knees. his finger pushes your chin slightly to make you face him, and he smiles at you gently, thumb brushing against the skin of your cheek.

"you know, we each have our own worlds, built from scratch from such fragile materials. we have our worlds rise, shine, and crumble before our sights. we look over the ruins of them and think, this is the end of the world. there's nothing more, it's all dust now. but from up here, you see how many other worlds there are - everyone has their own. not everything that is happening in your world is true. you see it from first person's perspective, and therefore the view might be disturbed by many different aspects. you might not see the picture, you just see the broken puzzle fragment that can't fit with the rest, and you're ready to throw away the entire picture, without finishing it. but being here, it reminds me... the world doesn't end on the ruins you see. you can always ask someone to help you build them up again, and of course, you can expect it to fall into pieces once more, but this time, you'll keep in mind, there're-" he stopped, pointing to the city's lights. "so many people to help you raise it up to the clouds."

"your metaphor is really complex" you chuckle, but his face stays still.

"it's not the end of the world if your puzzle piece is broken. and the ruins are not unfixable if you feel too tired to build them up all by yourself. if anything, that's a start." his hand travels up to keep the hair from getting on your face, since the wind blows pretty hard on this height. "what do you say we start your puzzle once more, toghether?"

your friendly reminder that you can request things [here]

#kaeya x reader #kaeya fluff #kaeya headcanons #tartaglia fluff #tartalgia #childe fluff #childe x reader #childe headcanons #childe #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #gender neutral reader

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dameronology · 3 years

Text

that’s all {din djarin x reader}

(i’m reposting this bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags and it was stressing me out)

summary: you’d saved din djarin from himself before. now, with the pain of losing his kid, you’re about to do it all over again. (kinda based on find me here by hayley williams)

warnings: this is...flangst. fluff and angst. swearing. mentions of depression but it’s also a bit ✨positive✨

this is just me trying to be the emotional janitor to...that. i’ve tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible but some of the conversation might imply an afab reader but hopefully it’s vague to be completely objective!!

- jazz

anyways i know i already said it but !! spoilers !! spoilers !! spoilers !!

p.s spot the titanic reference

Grogu was tiny but the whole he left in your lives was massive.

You always knew you were going to have to give him up - hell, that had been the job in the first place - but you hadn’t expected it to hurt so much. He wasn’t your kid but at the same he completely and entirely was. You’d never expected your first parenting experience to be with a tiny green Jedi but at the same time, you wouldn’t have had it any other way. The next few months were going to be hard; accepting that he wasn’t yours to keep and that he was in a better place was guaranteed to be a long process. It would be worth it in the end but the initial pain was bordering on unbearable.

Din was better at hiding it than you. Admittedly, he did have a thick beskar layer to shield his emotions and pain from the outside world but he couldn’t hide it from you; never from you. Even behind the metal, you could read him like a book. It was a product of spending every waking minute together (his overprotective doing, not yours) and in return, he had learnt every habit and every quirk of yours. He sometimes cursed your ability to read him, especially when it lead to you saying things like you did not just tilt your helmet at me like that, Din Djarin.

He’d been quieter in the days since Luke Skywalker had taken the kid - quieter than usual, at least. Din was already a pretty taciturn person; compared to how he was with other people, he practically spoke your ear off but since you’d landed back on Nevarro, he’d completely kept to himself. It was painful to watch, seeing him rise at the crack of dawn to take a bounty, only to return in the evening with a few more bruises than he’d had that morning. You wanted to say something to do something that would make him snap back to reality, but this was probably his grieving process and you had to respect that. Or, you had to at least try to.

That was, until, it felt like Din was killing both you and him; working himself to the point of exhaustion, barely sleeping and refusing to even acknowledge Greef or Cara. You could deal with him being angsty. You could deal with him grieving. You couldn’t, however, deal with him ignoring you. You had literally vowed to go through all your bad times together and Din Djarin was nothing if not a man of his word. He knew it. You knew it too - and you’d be damned if you’d let him forget it.

It was on a cold - at least by Nevarro standards - morning that you decided it was time to show him some tough love. The Mandalorian had decided to hole out on one of Karga’s old ships that morning, claiming that he wanted to fix it. You were no engineering genius, but given that the old jet’s wings had fallen off, you could see it was past the point of no return and that Din had just been looking for an excuse. He was good at that these days.

‘Din!’ You called. The bay doors were open, but the ship itself was dark and dusty. Tinkering, my ass. As expected, there was no reply. ‘Din! Don’t ignore me.’

Silence.

‘Please?’

You grumbled to yourself, walking further inside the dimly lit ship. Tiny specs of dust were floating in the streams of thin light, leading your path further and further towards the cockpit. Who ever it had belonged it, it pre-dated the Republic, let alone the Empire or new order. You tried to resist the urge to cough, instead choosing to focus on your mission: hunting down the Mandalorian. The tables really had turned, considering he was very rarely the prey.

‘I was talking to Karga.’ You continued - as far as you knew, you were talking to thin air, but you liked your chances. ‘He offered me a bounty puck for...Corellia, is it? For that big, bad guy we didn’t catch last year. You know the one that nearly killed me?’

There was a crash from the cockpit, and you grinned to yourself. It was a little unethical to scare the man out of hiding with your bullshit, but you were getting desperate.

‘I figured it would be good to get out a bit, try and distract myself, you know?’ You continued. ‘So I was gonna borrow a ship and head out there tomorrow-’

‘- like hell you’re doing that on your own.’

A six foot mountain of beskar suddenly stepped out from the darkness. Normally, that would have been enough to scare anyone, but not you. You’d married that six foot mountain of beskar. That probably gave you more guts than anyone in the damn galaxy -- until they found out he wasn’t actually that terrifying. Not many people would have taken the Mandalorian seriously if they knew he enjoyed having his hair played with.

You held your hands up in the air, stretching out your fingers to show that there was no puck in sight.

‘You lied.’ Din grunted.

‘And you were ignoring me.’ You shot back. ‘’S going on?’

‘I told you. I was working on the ship-’

‘- nope.’ You cut him off. ‘Try again.’

‘Karga asked me to fix it-’

‘- Still no!’ You snapped. ‘We gonna go three for three or are you gonna finally pull your head out your ass and stop lying to me, Din?’

There wasn’t a single person in the galaxy who dared speak back to the Mandalorian - except you. That was what had made him fall for you in the first place. It was like you couldn’t even see the beskar. You’d always seen him as Din, and never as the Mandalorian, or a warrior. You’d made it clear from the day you met that you wouldn’t take any bullshit from anyone, him included, and he’d always respected that.

‘You have been holing yourself away for weeks.’ You continued. ‘I know it’s hard but you have to accept it. Grogu wasn’t ours to keep - he never was.’

Din didn’t response, instead dropping his gaze down to the floor.’

‘Hey.’ You put a finger at the base of the helmet, tilting his head back up to look at you. ‘Look at me. Talk to me.’

‘I miss him.’ He stated; short and blunt. Fitting, really. ‘And it hurts.’

‘I get that.’ You gently placed your hands on either side of his helmet, fingers splaying out over the cold metal. ‘But it’s better to hurt together. Can I?’

Din nodded, signalling that it was okay for you to take it off. You gently tugged at the helmet, momentarily breaking away from him to place it beside you. It was a relief to see his face after so many weeks of having the beskar between you; the soft brown eyes and slightly crooked smile that met you on the other side felt like home. You could have stared at him forever if the galaxy wasn’t so fucking demanding of your presence.

You’d spent far too long on the other side of the beskar, waiting for him to let you in. And now that you’d got him, now that you’d promised yourselves to one another forever? You weren’t going to let it happen again.

You gently pushed back a few tufts of brown hair, offering him a sad smile. ‘You know we made the right decision, yeah?’

He nodded, leaning into your touch as your hands carded through his hair. ‘I know.’

‘So you gotta stop beating yourself up, baby.’ You stressed. ‘Stop shutting people out - stop shutting me out. I know we don’t have the kid anymore but we are still a family.’

‘I lost the ship. I lost the kid.’ Din quietly spoke. ‘I’m just worried that-’

‘- I’m not going anywhere.’ You shook your head, knowing what he was going to say before the words even left his mouth. ‘Even if you paid me. You are stuck with me, okay? Cursed with me till the day I keel over and die.’

Finally, Din smiled. He looked you dead in the eye and he smiled, eyes creasing at the side as he peered down at you, eventually tightening his arms around your waist. He held your head to his chest, ungloved hand gently clutching you as he rested his chin on your hair. The first time he’d clung onto you like this had been after a rough mission; neither of you had been sure if he was going to make it back and when he did, the first thing he did was pull you into his arms and you stayed there for what felt like hours. That was when Din realised for the first time that he loved you - and now, after weeks of isolating himself and shutting you out, this didn’t feel completely different from that. It was just that this time, it was less of a realisation of more of a reminder.

‘I didn’t expect it to be this bad.’ Din quietly admitted.

‘I know.’ You whispered back, voice slightly muffled by his chest. ‘But pain is only temporary. Dark times pass and we’ll learn to look back on this and enjoy the memories. They won’t always be tainted.’

He’d been in a dark place when he’d met you. It was like he’d been treading water, waiting for the riptides to take him, to stake their claim and remind him of his mortality, to remind him that not even the bravest people can forfeit their ability to hurt. He tried. Maker, he had tried. The icy and emotionless impression he gave to strangers wasn’t an accident. It was a survival mechanism; a defense mechanism. One that you’d chosen to ignore. You’d saved him in every way a person could be saved.

Just as the waves were pulling him under, you’d dragged him out; dragged him to the shore and reminded him that pain was merely part of being human. Most importantly, you’d called his attention to the fact that no matter how much beskar he wore or how impenetrable he acted, that he couldn’t avoid being one. He could run away from bounty hunters and Imperials and the thousands of enemies he’d made but the fact of mortality was always hot on his tail.

Now, you were pulling him up for air all over again.

Eventually, pain stopped being a reminder of his humanity and instead, it was replaced by his love for you. His ability to feel things for you. You’d saved him then and now, you were helping him come up for air all over again. Being human didn’t always mean to hurt - it could just as much mean to love.

‘I’ve got you, okay?’ You tightened your grip on him, eyes meeting his. ‘Whatever you need.’

‘You.’ Din replied. ‘I need you. That’s all.’

a/n: ok i realised i published an identical but slightly different imagine to this in october but...clearly i have a type and that type is imagines where the mandalorian confesses that you’re the only thing he needs because i eat that shit up. consume it whole. i am telling you. i have no regrets. my content might is predictable but HELL at least u can rely on something in these wild times❤️

#din djarin x reader #din djarin imagine #din djarin x you #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x reader #mandalorian imagine #mandalorian fan fiction #din djarin fan fiction #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars fluff #din djarin fluff #mandalorian fluff #mandalorian spoilers #mandalorian season 2 spoilers

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potato-with-hair · 3 years

Text

Fake News

First tumblr Story Ever

As the newest Avenger it seemed that Tony Stark and Captain Rogers were more than comfortable sending you out on all of the shit missions, granted, you could use the time in with your new teammates to learn their little quirks and start working to meld your abilities with theirs so that you could start working together seamlessly, but it was getting ridiculous. You were half expecting to start getting told to go out and help the NYFD rescue kittens from trees and helping the NYPD direct traffic on Broadway in Manhattan during rush hour. Y/N was a technopath, which was a fancy name for someone who could control technology and anything mechanical with their mind, or if you wanted to be technical about it, according to the official S.H.I.E.L.D. dossier:

Y/L/N, Y/N: Main Ability: Technology Manipulation

User can manipulate technology, the sum of techniques, skills, methods, and

processes used in the production of goods or services or in the accomplishment

of objectives. However, most users only can exert control over technological

constructs, such as computers, robots, hardware, and other devices that can be

termed as "technology", in any way. Manifested as a special form of electrical/telekinetic manipulation, a special form of "morphing" which allows physical interaction with machines, or even a psychic ability that allows mental interface with computer data.

Also Called:

· Cyberkinesis

· Cyberpathy

· Mechanokinesis

· Technokinesis

· Technopathy

Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, spring was coming to a close and summer was just around the corner. Tony asked me and Sam Wilson, you may know him as Falcon, to head to midtown

Manhattan because there were some “unsavory” characters hanging around Grand Central Station.

Turns out it was some low-level HYDRA minions that were basically trying to see what kind of trouble they could cause, they had planted a pipe bomb in a waste bin in the middle of the station and it was a Friday when thousands of people would be traveling through the station heading to and from work and school. I think that HYDRA was more or less just testing us Avengers out to what abilities we had and see if there are any hidden capabilities we possessed before they come at us for a full-scale attack.

Sam and I arrived and were able to find the pipe bomb relatively quickly, part of my ability is being able to read the signatures of different technologies and mechanics, and if you don’t think that a bomb countdown timer throws out a red flag, you are mistaken. Anyway, we found it, and rather than call bomb and arson with New York’s Finest, I was able to manipulate the mechanics myself using my mind. I shut down the detonator without ever touching the bomb and made the whole thing inactive within a few minutes time.

Easy peasy, 10 minutes, another fast sweep which took an additional 30 minutes, and Sam and I were finished and ready for our close-ups from the media that always, inevitably followed. We had a small group of media that always showed up whenever a call went out that an Avenger was “working” and there was almost always a small fan base at Grand Central or where ever we were working who would come up to thank us, like we were some sort of rock stars, and as per usual some of the younger men and women took the opportunity to do some flirting with us. Tony told us, unattached Avengers, that any publicity and light flirting and playfulness with the fans was good publicity and would help for the public to relate to us and see us in a positive light. I am not going to lie, I may or may not have had a little thing for our resident speedy Sokovian, but our little flirting in the compound never seemed to go beyond that, flirting. I thought there was a possibility he liked me also, but, so far, nothing. Although I did catch him staring at me quite often and Wanda and some of the guys were always talking to him and then immediately looking in her direction like they were just discussing her. Pietro did seem to always try to be around me and sit near me as often as possible as well. Also when the “fans” would flirt with him, I noticed he never really showed much interest in them, always watching to see what I was doing.

Oh well, time to spend a little time with the crowd before Sam and I headed back to the compound. The New York Times was talking to some travelers about the pipe bomb that was found in the wastebasket and what their thoughts were and how they felt about us being there to “save the day, yet again” when an overzealous “fan” started to get a little handsy with me in the background. He had followed me around and asked me to dinner a few times, flashing cash and his business card a few times, trying to press it into my hand multiple times. I explained I was really bust and thanked him but said I was not interested or available, but he kept perusing me. He was leaning over my shoulder with his hand around my waist from behind, body pulled directly flush with my back and he was in an excited state if you know what I mean, and he was whispering in my ear about some of his fantasies and things that he has dreamt of doing to me. Of course, the camera flashed right as he started to kiss my neck and I had a smile on my face because I was focusing on a sweet 10 year old in front of me asking for my autograph and telling me I was her favorite avenger. If the camera had waited all of 5 seconds more, they would have caught me performing a minor assault on the prick and another 5 seconds would have caught Sam pulling me off of him and flying us out of the station and back to the compound with his hand over my mouth because I let lose a string of explicative’s that would put Wade Wilson to shame.

The next morning I woke up and took a shower, went down to the kitchen and made my normal toast and juice and bowl of fruit, and could not help notice that the Avengers that were there were looking at me strangely, I thought it was because I was still in a sour mood because of that jerk from yesterday and the icky feeling he gave me that I was assaulted by scum. I knew that Rogers, Wanda, Sam, and Nat were on their way to Lagos on a mission. Thor and Banner were MIA since Sokovia, which left Stark, Rhodey, Vision, Pietro and I still here.

“Y/N, so, how was the pipe bomb incident yesterday?” Tony asked seemingly hinting at something

“Uneventful aside from a slight annoyance in the crowd, is there coffee left?” Y/N responded looking at him while rising to get a mug and pour a hot mug to clear the remaining sleep from my head.

“Nothing happened? Nobody special you want to tell us about?” Rhodey chimes in.

“Not that I am aware of or worth mentioning now that it’s done and over with, is there something you would like to tell me about?” Y/N asks looking back and forth to them. “Hey, where’s Speedy, he’s usually down here eating everything that isn’t trying to eat him first.”

Tony looks at Y/N and smirks, “It is strange that you should mention that, he came in about 20 minutes ago, I assume you were in the shower or I am sure you would have heard him, saw the cover of the New York Times, flipped out and, well, here you are, please take a look, we are on pins and needles to know what you think. And I hope you know that all suitors must meet the full team before you becoming an “item” and pass Avenger inspection, and Rogers is particularly tough.” He slid the paper across the kitchen island to where you sat, both he and Rhodey watching your face for a reaction. You unfolded the paper confused and looked at the front cover.

There in black and white at you was a close up of the stranger with his arms around your waist from behind, you leaning slightly forward smiling and the stranger kissing your neck, the little girl you were smiling at was covered by the person being interviewed in the foreground. To someone who was not there and did not know the story, this definitely looked bad, like a very intimate moment caught on film, the headline read ‘Newest Avenger Moving Fast With New York Wall Street Trader’ the article went on to talk about how you just met the guy and did not bother to get his name, but just let him put the moves on you, yadda, yadda, yadda. Apparently, after Sam got you out of there, the “gentleman: in question decided to make a name for himself and gave a short interview making it sound like you approached him and started the whole flirt fest, lead him on, and then abandoned him, with the promise to return. You looked at Tony and Rhodey with wide eyes and a sick feeling in your stomach, “This is the biggest load of shit I have ever read in my life, this is not anything at all what happened. About 3 seconds after this picture was snapped, I basically slapped the taste out of his mouth and would have continued to do so had Sam not gotten me out of there. Flirting? More like this guy assaulted me. This was not consensual or wanted. I told him multiple times I was not interested and refused his advances and invitations to dinner and he kept bothering me. I was talking to a little kid and he pulled this crap when I had my back turned to him.”

Tony went from joking to serious almost instantly, “Okay, we were just going to bust your balls on this a little bit, but this has just become a non-joke. I’ll have Pepper contact someone in Stark Industries legal department to get in touch with the paper to track this guy down, he’ll have had to sign a waiver for publication and we’re going to go after him for liable and harassment. If he tries to come after you for battery for the assault, well, we’ll call that defense, Avenger or not, no one gets to touch you without permission. Y/n we really didn’t know, we were just going to play around with you about this a little, and we had no idea. He didn’t do any weird stuff, right?”

“NO, I mean, I slapped him and Sam pulled me off of him and flew me out of there, anything beyond what he did to me and you would have been getting a call from New York’s finest about bail or my court hearing for homicide. I was shocked, but if it had gone beyond what it was, I would have raged a lot harder than I did. The headline in the paper would have read a lot differently today.” Y/N responded.

“Alright, I know that yesterday was weird and I know that Nat and Wanda have had to deal with crap like this from time to time, unfortunately being an attractive woman on the team seems to let the guys out there think that it is open season to treat you ladies like meat. It is unfair and it sucks and if any of the men on the team are around just say the word and well step in and make sure the guys know it’s not okay, or step back and let you take care of it yourself, whatever you feel more comfortable with. In the meantime, take the weekend off and go to a spa or go shopping or to the movies or whatever you need to do to feel better, charge everything to Stark okay. Just let us know if you need anything alright.” Tony hugged you with one arm and kissed the top of your head. “One thing though, Lightning Legs. He flipped out when he saw this. He thought it was true and got hot and bothered. I would suggest finding him and letting him know what is really going on because the last thing you need right now is a crazy Sokovian kid acting like a jealous boyfriend right now.”

You look us at Tony and across the island to Rhodey, “What is that all about, what is he flipping out about, he brags about all the women he is into and dated back in Sokovia all the time, what does he care about what happens to me?”

“Y/N are you serious? That kid has been crazy in love with you since Sokovia. I swear I was coming close to sending you both on a mission that involved a tropical island and a case of rum soon. If he’s not staring at you, you are staring at him. It’s sickening.” Tony finished with a sarcastic eye roll. Go relax in your room, we'll take care of this. Just try to put it from your mind and well talk soon. With that, you left and headed to the elevator bank to the sleeping quarters level, feeling shitty, but better because you knew Tony would do what he could to help.

You were only in your Bedroom Suite for about half an hour when there was a somewhat frantic knocking at your door. You got up from your bed, put down the book you were currently reading, and made your way to the door, opening it, you found a seemingly tormented Pietro, he entered your quarters without an invitation and started to pace the length of your room, looking at you, Y/N could tell he needed to speak, but he was not sure where or how to start.

“Y/N, I ……. The newspaper, I saw the picture and…… Who is he? Do you like him? I mean does he make you happy? I want you to be happy……… I know that no one will ever be able to………. Not like I do………” Pietro kept starting and stopping sentences, never actually completing any, and getting agitated. You had never seen him this disconcerted before, he was always so unruffled when he would flirt with you before and this was a whole new side to him that you had never seen before. It was like he was unsure of himself and it was not something he was sure of how to process. You walked towards where Pietro was walking seemingly carrying on an argument with himself and reached out for his hands.

“Pietro, please stop, okay, please. It is not what you think, I don’t know that guy. It was fake, it was false, I don’t know him, I did not ask for that, I did not tell him it was okay to touch me or kiss me like that, I was not alright with that, He did that without my permission, and the photographer took a picture and they wrote some fake story to make it seem like I was into it. I did not want that. I don’t know him, I feel disgusted by that.” You start to rub your neck where the creep kissed you, sat down on the plush cushioned ottoman bench at the foot of your bed and start to curl into yourself to make yourself as small as possible as Pietro looks at you taking in your words.

“Wait, moja bohyňa (my goddess,) some guy you do not know came up to you and started to touch you and kiss you without your permission? No, I will not allow this, who is this man; I will go fight him right now. Žiadny odpadok sa nemôže dotknúť mojej bohyne bez jej súhlasu. Nikomu by nemalo byť dovolené pozerať sa na ňu bez toho, aby sa poďakoval bohom, že bola stvorená. (No trash can touch my goddess without her consent. No man should ever be allowed to look on her, without thanking the gods that she was created.) Are you okay?” He sat on the bench next to you giving you plenty of space, not wanting to crowd you. “I will kill this man, why would he think he could touch you, Bohyňa (Goddess,) if I had been there, I would have stopped him immediately, I am so sorry I was not there with you. “ Pietro sat staring forward with a look of disappointment in himself. You leaned over towards him putting your head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around you pulling you into him. You snuggled your face into his chest drawing designs on his stomach and chest with your finger as he kissed your head and held you close.

“Tony is going to get the Legal department of Stark Industries to look into the paper and find out who the guy is and get him charged with harassment, and I may or may not have given him a good slap as soon as I got over my shock and realized what was happening, so I figure I should let the cops know everything in case he decided to try to press charges later for battery saying I attacked him. But I promise Pietro, there is absolutely nothing at all going on with that guy or any other guy in my life because I was sort of waiting for someone I had a sort of thing for to maybe make a move, but I didn’t think that he was interested, so I had basically given up hope and just accepted that we would only be friends, and that was okay, but I really was hoping he would let me know he felt the same.” You continued tracing symbols on Pietro's chest with her fingers nervously

Pietro put his hand gently under Y/Ns chin and raised her face so that his clear blue eyes were looking directly into Y/N/E/C, “Do I know this guy?” He asked finally deciding to go with the advice the rest of the team when they told him that Y/N was definitely into him, and Wanda assured him that yes, Y/N thought about him often and was only too nervous to make the first move, but if Pietro would, she would be receptive.

Y/N looks from Pietro's eyes to his lips and back to his eyes again and states “I am sure you have seen him around here, sometimes he’s hard to spot because he’s pretty fast, but when he stops or slows down and doesn’t try so hard to impress everyone he’s really an amazing guy. I have to say to, he is sexy as hell too, and he has this accent when he talks, uggghhh, it does things to me.” Y/N just smiles at him teasingly.

Pietro chuckles and smiling leans in but says softly before he kisses you, “Prednesiem vám básne a texty, ak ma chcete počuť hovoriť, poviem vám všetky veci, ktoré chcem s vami a s vami urobiť, ale nikdy vám nebudem môcť vyjadriť, ako veľmi vás milujem a uctievam. Teraz si môj, ako ja tvoj, navždy. (I will recite you poetry and lyrics if you want to hear me speak, I will tell you all the things I want to do to you and with you, but I will never be able to express to you, how much I love and worship you. You are mine now as I am your, forever.)” He then lays the softest and most soul-baring kiss on Y/N that she has ever felt. It was as if all the passions in the world could have been transferred to her through that kiss and as he softly caresses her face while peppering gentle kisses on her face, Y/N thinks that maybe this stupid picture is not the worst thing in the world to ever happen to her if it is what FINALLY brought her and Pietro together, she figures if nothing else, this will be a brilliant story to tell their kids someday.

Slovakian substituted for Sokovian

Y/N = Your Name

Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Y/N/E/C = Your Eye Color

#pietro marvel #pietro x reader #pietro x you #pietro x y/n #pietro maximoff #pietro fluff #Pietro jealous #slight dubcon #fluff

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