hauntedselves

[hauntedselves]

my website now has a light mode! (you will see it if your browser settings are "light" or "automatic" & your system is also set to light mode)

#dogpost #website #hauntedselves website #blog maintenance #its not perfect but its ok for now

[hauntedselves]

NPD Resources Masterlist

[BPD]

The official resources masterlist for NPD. Includes all the links I've shared in the past and stuff I haven't.

Any posts I've linked about supporting those with NPD have been put in the misc section because I do not want to take away from what this post is really about, which is helping people with NPD, not the people around them.

Diagnostic criteria

NPD diagnostic criteria, rewritten by someone who has it

Official diagnostic criteria

An explanation of the diagnostic criteria

Recovery resources FOR the narcissist

NPD recovery resources

How to find therapy for NPD, common types of therapy and signs of an abusive/toxic therapist

Narcissist supply

What is narc supply?

Things that can give a narcissist supply

NPD stigma

The perception of NPD symptoms vs. how a narcissist might actually experience them

Why those with NPD have a hard time seeking help (spoiler alert: it's not because they're unaware)

A plea from someone with NPD (and some resources debunking common misconceptions)

Narcissism is not abusive / abuse is abusive

Debunking common myths on NPD

Common disproven myths about NPD

Miscellaneous

How to support someone with NPD

NPD Carrd (What is NPD, dpt skills and self-help)

Unravelling the connection: npd as a trauma response

NPD terminology (do's and dont's)

NPD safe blogs

@empath-abuse-awareness

@enigma-in-reality

@loverofmirage

@narcissisticpdcultureis

@nicepersondisorder

@theegosystem

@mischiefmanifold

NPD positivity so you don't have to go looking

Reblog to kiss a narcissist on the forehead

Reblog to tell your local narcissist that they're the best ever

Happy NPD appreciation day

Positivity for systems with NPD

Be normal about narcissists unless it's to give them love

NPD should be EPD (Epic Personality Disorder)

Of course I have a praise kink, I have NPD

Narcissists are so beautiful and handsome and wonderful

Positivity for narcissists who like sex

I love my narcissists

Aromantic narcissists are amazing

Narcissists I love you

Easy ways to spot a narcissist (it's not what you think <;3)

Narcissists deserve to be loved

As usual, if something needs to be deleted because it's wrong/comes from a toxic author/etc. please let me know. I tried to look on Google but all I found was ableist shit, so these are all found by your fellow narcissists on tumblr :)

Edit: If you have any resources, please send them to me through an ask or DM and i'll check it out/add it!

#npd #narcissistic personality disorder #resources

[hauntedselves]

DEAR MAN: Making Yourself Heard

This interpersonal effectiveness skill helps you assert your boundaries, and get yourself heard and understood.

D: Describe

Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.

Example: “You told me you would be home by dinner but you didn’t get here until 11.”

E: Express

Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.

Use phrases such as “I want” instead of “You should,” “I don’t want” instead of “You shouldn’t.”

Example: “When you come home so late, I start worrying about you.”

A: Assert

Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.

Example: “I would really like it if you would call me when you are going to be late.”

R: Reinforce

Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need. Remember also to reward desired behavior after the fact.

Example: “I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that.”

M: stay Mindful

Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic.

“Broken record”: Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.

Ignore attacks: If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.

Example: “I would still like a call.”

A: Appear confident

Appear effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. No saying, “I’m not sure,” etc.

N: Negotiate

Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.

Turn the tables: Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for other solutions.

Example: “How about if you text me when you think you might be late?” “What do you think we should do? . . . I can’t just stop worrying about you [or I’m not willing to].”

More tips

Describe the current interaction.

If the “broken record” and ignoring don’t work, make a statement about what is happening between you and the person now, but without imputing motives.

Example: “You keep asking me over and over, even though I have already said no several times,” or “It is hard to keep asking you to empty the dishwasher when it is your month to do it.”

Not: “You obviously don’t want to hear what I am saying,” “You obviously don’t care about me,” “Well, it’s obvious that what I have to say doesn’t matter to you,” “Obviously you think I’m stupid.”

Express feelings or opinions about the interaction.

For instance, in the middle of an interaction that is not going well, you can express your feelings of discomfort in the situation.

Example: “I am sorry I cannot do what you want, but I’m finding it hard to keep discussing it,” or “It’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to keep talking about this, since I can’t help it. I am starting to feel angry about it,” or “I’m not sure you think this is important for you to do.”

Not: “I hate you!”, “Every time we talk about this, you get defensive,” “Stop patronizing me!”

Assert wishes in the situation.

When another person is pestering you, you can ask them to stop it. When a person is refusing a request, you can suggest that you put the conversation off until another time. Give the other person a chance to think about it.

Example: “Please don’t ask me again. My answer won’t change,” or “OK, let’s stop discussing this now and pick it up again sometime tomorrow,” or “Let’s cool down for a while and then get together to figure out a solution.”

Not: “Would you shut up?” “You should do this!”, “You should really calm down and do what’s right here.”

Reinforce.

When you are saying no to someone who keeps asking, or when someone won’t take your opinion seriously, suggest ending the conversation, since you aren’t going to change your mind anyway. When trying to get someone to do something for you, you can suggest that you will come up with a better offer later.

Example: “Let’s stop talking about this now. I’m not going to change my mind, and I think this is just going to get frustrating for both of us,” or “OK, I can see you don’t want to do this, so let’s see if we can come up with something that will make you more willing to do it.”

Not: “If you don’t do this for me, I’ll never do anything for you ever again,” “If you keep asking me, I’ll get a restraining order against you,” “Gosh, you must be a terrible person for not doing this / for asking me to do this.”

- from DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2015) by Marsha M. Linehan, pp. 125-7.

#dbt #dbt skills training #dear man #dearman #interpersonal relationships #interpersonal effectiveness #conflict resolution

[hauntedselves]

i finally had therapy after a 6 month hiatus thank fuck!!!

obviously a lot of catch up, but the main part of our session was about anger.

i never learnt how to express anger. i was taught that anger was bad, because i only ever saw destructive anger, and my anger (+ undiagnosed autism meltdowns) wasn't allowed. so now as an adult i still don't know how to deal with my own anger, so i just... don't. (also why i have such problems asserting myself and boundaries).

when i'm angry, i just seethe silently and ignore it. i feel angry but i don't let myself be angry. and other people's anger is dangerous, so it puts me into freeze/flight mode. conflict, even minor disagreements, scare me.

our time was up before i could ask, how do i actually express anger healthily? i've only ever seen anger expressed in dangerous, abusive ways, or shoved down and ignored. we got up to, notice & name the anger, and approach it without judgement. but how do i stop judging it? how do i stop being afraid of my anger and comfortable with expressing it? and how do i express it anyway? anger lets you enforce boundaries and protect yourself. if you can't be angry, you have real trouble doing that. and of course, abused kids can't enforce boundaries or protect themselves without being further hurt.

now i'm safe, i'm an adult with agency and autonomy. but i still shy away from my anger and i fear other's anger. it doesn't feel safe, and it should, because anger is a normal, healthy emotion. abuse is not. but traumatised brains can't tell the difference.

#hs' therapy #personal #anger #emotions #i had anger management classes as a kid but what i really needed was to be heard. #trauma #child abuse

[hauntedselves]

there is no unlived life or alternative reality where everything went right…. there is only here and now what are you going to do with it

#radical acceptance #wise mind

[hauntedselves]

hello! i hope you are doing well.

i was wondering if you could explain double bookkeeping? and add some examples maybe?

my searches have come up very complicated.

i may be psychotic and i am trying to learn.

thank you in advance! (your blog is deeply appreciated)

Hi there! Double bookkeeping is when you hold two opposing things to be true at the same time, for psychosis we use it to talk about a specific type of insight that many people experience.

Insight is when you are aware on some level that your delusions might be the result of illness, and insight can exist at various levels and in various ways. Often there's an internal fight related to insight, so one day you might feel like "I think that my beliefs might not hold up with reality and that I might have a problem" and then another day maybe you think "oh no, I nearly fell for the conspiracy by thinking I was suffering with delusions". And there can be many in between states and more extreme states as well. It's not either or, it's a spectrum.

Double bookkeeping is when you at the same time do feel convinced of the delusional content, but you are also aware that you have a disorder that causes delusions and that your thoughts might be the result of that. Often this allows you to act in a way so as not to "arouse suspicion" about your delusions, bc you are still aware how it looks to people around you.

So you could say that you are keeping two "books" on reality at once, and they can't both be simultaneously true but you feel rather convinced that they are.

As an example I used to have a long-standing delusion that I somehow personally was the cause of the suffering experienced by living beings on this earth, it caused me a lot of guilt and self-hatred because I did believe it, but at the same time I didn't go ahead and "save the earth" by committing suicide, because I was aware that my beliefs didn't make sense in consensus reality and that if I was wrong, I would simply cause more suffering to my loved ones.

I hope this was helpful!

#double bookkeeping #psychosis #insight #delusions #(not sure if this applies to hallucinations as well? i'll tag anyway lol) #hallucinations

[hauntedselves]

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

#dogreblog

[hauntedselves]

⚠️ emergency links

this is a list of resources for when you're in crisis, whether you're suicidal, triggered, having a panic attack, or any other mental health emergency.

this list will be updated with new resources as i find them.

emergency numbers for your country

helplines for your country

Australia: lifeline 13 11 14 & other helplines

managing flashbacks

quick helpful tips for suicidal feelings

you feel like shit interactive self care guide (alternative site)

reassurance masterpost

Get Self Help

psychosis coping strategies

grounding techniques

dealing with trauma triggers & OCD

DBT options for solving problems

self-soothing ideas

how to check the (emotional) facts

TIPP grounding skill (temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, progressive muscle relaxation)

ideas for soothing impulses (urge surfing)

tips for when it feels too much

why am i feeling bad? flowchart

looking after yourself (particularly tolerating distress)

staying safe in a crisis

crisis support (particularly for dissociation & dissociative identity disorder)

safety tools & resources

dealing with PTSD triggers

grounding & containment strategies

#resources #mental health resources #emergency resources #crisis resources #crisis #emergency #grounding #trauma #suicidal ideation #suicide #dogpost #sos #help #self help #self soothing #self care

[hauntedselves]

i think an issue with the obsession with parts in DID spaces is how much it made us overcomplicate ourselves and not treat our parts the way they deserve

a triggered part would come to front, and all we could focus on was "who are you?" then feel like we're faking DID when we didn't get an answer

instead of offering that part support and compassion like they needed, they'd be shut down for not being able to come out with an identity in their triggered state of mind

like they somehow had to earn the right to exist by first stating a name and intention

they are a part. maybe they have a name. maybe they dont. a lot of our parts are mere fragments. and thats ok. nothing is required for them to be allowed a space to exist. they don't have to be mapped out to have the right to simply be.

for so long, our focus was on "do i really have did? am i faking? do i have alters or is it just cptsd? am i faking this disorder for validation of my trauma? am i the host or this alter? am i anyone at all?"

when really we needed to focus on "what do i need right now? what do we need right now? how can we calm down and find a middle ground together? how can i offer this scared and angry part of me the support they need?"

#dissociative identity disorder #parts of a whole #intracommunity issues

[hauntedselves]

better now, i took my dog to the beach & had fun.

but what helped most was that he apologised. and it actually shocked me, i never expected that.

all through my childhood whenever something happened, my mum would either apologise on my stepdads behalf, or just excuse his behaviour, or both. and then we would just pretend like nothing happened. and my stepdad never ever apologised for anything, and i never expected it.

so for someone to scare me like that and then apologise , acknowledge he's in the wrong, and genuinely mean it? it was unbelievable. i never realised how much the lack of acknowledgement from not just my abuser but also my mother hurt me.

so as awful as this morning was, it actually gave me some insight and helped me.

tw i got triggered as fuck

i had a shit sleep and then on top of that this morning, like only 20mins after i woke up, my sister's partner suddenly exploded in anger, because my dog barked at our other roommate (who my dog is scared of). and i know sudden loud noises are a trigger for him (the partner) who also has PTSD but then he just, yelled and slammed doors and stomped around and. everything that triggers me, he did. and i know it wasnt to purposefully trigger me of course, and he's stressed and sick and overworked, and i know it's probably not really about my dog. but trauma doesn't care about the details, it just goes yelling angry man = dangerous = triggered as fuck. so i escaped and hid in the backyard and calmed myself down from having a panic attack... by dissociating lol. but thats what dissociation is, a protective (if at times maladaptive) coping strategy. and then eventually i went back into the house and hid in my room, thankful that the door locks (though I also know im not in any danger, he's not my stepdad). music + weighted blanket + comfort toy + dog + self soothing skills. feeling better but this is just gonna ruin the next few days for me, and I'll have nightmares tonight. my sister was also triggered, but she apologised on his behalf (annnnnd thats also triggering, it's too much like how my mum constantly was apologising for my stepdad....) and told him to talk to someone today, while he's gone (he left, thank fuck).

and its not even lunchtime 😞

#personal #hs' cptsd #no bold #long post #also today triggered a change in my clinical zoanthropy. it seems im not a wolf/dog anymore but a dingo. i wonder if it'll last

[hauntedselves]

tw i got triggered as fuck

i had a shit sleep and then on top of that this morning, like only 20mins after i woke up, my sister's partner suddenly exploded in anger, because my dog barked at our other roommate (who my dog is scared of). and i know sudden loud noises are a trigger for him (the partner) who also has PTSD but then he just, yelled and slammed doors and stomped around and. everything that triggers me, he did. and i know it wasnt to purposefully trigger me of course, and he's stressed and sick and overworked, and i know it's probably not really about my dog. but trauma doesn't care about the details, it just goes yelling angry man = dangerous = triggered as fuck. so i escaped and hid in the backyard and calmed myself down from having a panic attack... by dissociating lol. but thats what dissociation is, a protective (if at times maladaptive) coping strategy. and then eventually i went back into the house and hid in my room, thankful that the door locks (though I also know im not in any danger, he's not my stepdad). music + weighted blanket + comfort toy + dog + self soothing skills. feeling better but this is just gonna ruin the next few days for me, and I'll have nightmares tonight. my sister was also triggered, but she apologised on his behalf (annnnnd thats also triggering, it's too much like how my mum constantly was apologising for my stepdad....) and told him to talk to someone today, while he's gone (he left, thank fuck).

and its not even lunchtime 😞

#personal #hs' cptsd #no bold #i was on the verge of tears (and i never cry) thinking. nowhere is safe. but i had to keep telling myself (my selves.) - #- that hes not my stepdad. im not in danger. its scary and triggering but we're here in 2024 in my own house with autonomy and safety. #fuuuccckkkk my next therapy appt isnt until the end of the month. & i was already not coping and desperately needing a session and now this! #ugh. & it seems like its always either about me or my dog or both. no one seems to love us enough to deal with us. not the truth but 😵‍💫

[hauntedselves]

PRACTICE URGE SURFING

#urge surfing #impulses and urges #coping skills

[hauntedselves]

I think it'd be neat if during discussions about schizophrenia and psychosis more people made a point to mention how psychotic episodes themselves can be deeply traumatizing. because they sure can. experiencing a break from reality like that is traumatizing. delusions, even though they aren't real, are traumatizing. believing you're being prosecuted by God himself and not knowing how to cope with that just to later realize none of it was real is probably traumatizing. experiencing frightening hallucinations can be traumatizing. people talk about how psychotics suffer from their disorder but let's talk about why we do. and I haven't even mentioned the inherent trauma of living with a stigmatized disorder in a world where psychotics are despised and shunned and kicked out of homes. lets not forget that one.

#psychosis #trauma #ptsd pp #ptsd post-psychosis #an actual medically recognised thing! ive posted about it before & on my website

[hauntedselves]

half confronted my sister about our rental situation (long story tl;dr i feel like no one cares about me lol), we didn't really discuss much and it wasnt really a confrontation but i still feel yuck and shaky and awful and guilty. i hate confrontation ahh

#personal #dogpost #hs' cptsd #ffs i hate cptsd. someone was bad to me growing up and now i have brain damage [legit; cptsd damages your brain] #no bold

[hauntedselves]

i did something scary today, i thought my sister was mad at me so instead of stewing in my anxiety i actually straight up asked her! (...after stewing in my anxiety for a while lol...). (the answer was no, it's just been a stressful week for her & she's not very well, so she was blunt and, unusually for her, not very chatty, which makes my brain go !! danger !!)

#do it scared etc #personal #hs' cptsd #also unrelated but i havent had therapy since. fuckin november for Life reasons. and i finally could set up an appointment but my psych - #- isnt responding to my text or my email which i sent a week ago. which is unusal for her she normally replies within a few days. so - #- my anxiety brain goes 'Oh shit shes dead!!!' which is unfortunately my default Worst Case Scenario that i jump to. #i mean ofc very unlikely that she IS dead. more likely that shes not checking work stuff bc its easter holidays! but im still like. - #- what if she is. i wouldnt even know i doubt people would think to let a client she hasnt seen for months know! ... and then i spiral. lol

[hauntedselves]

talked to my mum about this and she suggested that part of the problem with my communication issues is that i seem to have a different perspective of time than other people (hello dissociative disorder, and also autism!), so when, for example, someone asks me to do the dishes, i say yeah sure, and then go and do something else and come back to do the dishes later. but in the meantime, the other person thinks i'm just ignoring their request. and then when they get annoyed with me, i'm like... what's the problem, i've done it! why does it matter if it was done ASAP or 2 hours later, it got done!

(thats a very autism thing btw, not understanding rules or norms and therefore not conforming to them.)

and looking back, yeah, that's been a problem all my life (and was often why i'd get into trouble as a kid... and as an adult lol). prime example of a) autistic kid not understanding social rules, + b) allistic adults not understanding how an autistic kid's brain works...

something i realised lately is that, during disagreements, i struggle a lot with figuring out if I'm being unreasonable or if the other person is. which is very autistic of me lol. it's easy to say that they're wrong, I'm right, but i never can tell if that's actually true.

#dogreblog

[hauntedselves]

sometimes it’s better refrain from deep introspection and allow yourself to just be.

#self care #wise mind