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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 3 years

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The Helping Hand

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Word Count: 3800 approx

A/n: Big steps today... Hope you enjoy. Also wanted to thank you all we've reached 39 followers. It is very much appreciated thank you for reading. Might post again this this week if not then next week.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.9

Chapter 10: Civil War pt.2

Ch.11

"Why am I really here mom?" You ask still with your eyes closed. "Why don't you tell me… I know you don't want to go back." She says calmly. You can only sigh. "It's all going to hell, the team. I love them all, but they are tearing each other apart." She chuckles. You open your eyes and just look at her. "Well then why are you here with me instead of stopping them from tearing each other apart?" She teases. You change the subject. She lets you though. "My… dad? Did you love him?" You are not sure if you wanted the answer, but you asked anyway.. "Did I love him… tough question monkey." She contemplates for a while. "He was childish, and not in a cute way, at least not looking back… I used to love that about him." She looks back at you, her eyes connecting with yours. "He changed though… when we found out I was pregnant. We were scared and young… but he cared. More than I'd ever seen him care for anything else."

You can't help but tear up at her memories. Then the anger builds in yourself. "Then why didn't he fight for me?" Your sentence dwindles into a whisper. "Who told you he didn't… or that he hasn't?" Her words shut you up right away. She laughs at your confusion. "I'm assuming you're not telling me who he is?" She nods in agreement "It's not my place to tell you." Then again you ask another question. "Did he love me?" She looks down to you and smiles. "Oh… from the moment he first held you. You made the most peculiar sounds… and your tiny hands would grip our fingers" She sighs. "I wish I had more time with you then. I tried really hard… to stay awake." She clears her throat. "But I couldn't fight anymore… But you have to." You sit up looking at her. "I don't want to leave you alone." She shakes her head. "I'm never alone…" now it's your turn to shake your head. "Living your life vicariously through mine does not count." She laughs.

"I met Dave and Vivian" she mentions solemnly. You almost choke on your own breath at their mention. "They're here?" She nods enthusiastically. "They'll hear about this… one day you'll talk to them again." You groan. "Tell Dave… tell him that I'm sorry. Viv tell her that I'm taking care of all her sisters… all 5 of them." You chuckle. "Just tell them that I miss them…" She nods holding your hand. "God… you were supposed to make it easier to leave, not harder."

Tony sits at your bedside. "Why aren't you waking up?" He sighs. They've tried virtually everything and time was running out. "You can't leave me… you can't just waltz back into my life and die on me." He pleads with anyone who would listen. "You need to know that I'm your dad… you need to know that I'm your dad." He speaks into your hand. Your eyes wide open now. Having heard everything you instinctively pull your hand away. Soon you realize you can't breathe comfortably. It was an all around traumatic experience, tears soon started falling. Tony's initial shock prevents him from vocalizing your state. It isn't until Wanda walks in that she calls for a doctor. Tony stands in a corner watching you struggle with the doctors.

Soon the tubes are no longer preventing you from vocalizing your thoughts; you take advantage rather quickly. "Leave" is all you can say with your voice hoarse and devoid of any emotion. The only thing giving you away were the tears. "Y/n you need to hear me out…" you interrupt him. "I don't need to do anything… LEAVE." You grit out wincing in pain as the words leave your throat. Soon your vitals begin to increase at any alarming rate. Doctor's burst in again, ushering Tony out and sedating you. As soon as he walks out he is met by everyone's expectant gaze. "What happened?" Steve is the first one to speak up. "She found out… more like I told her right as she was waking up." Tony rubs his temples.

When you wake up someone is in the room you can tell. It's almost like you can feel them, without even opening your eyes you call out her name. "Nat?" You hear her walk towards you. You clear your throat. "He's- he's…" is all that comes out and she nods but doesn't say anything. That's when it all clicks. She wasn't looking at you… she was quiet, you only needed to look at her posture and you knew. You laugh. "You knew… didn't you?" Her eyes widened in surprise giving her away, except that it wasn't just her. "Oh… god you're all liars. You all played me. Im so stupid." Your laugh continues; it was cynical with tears rolling down your cheeks. "You're all hypocrites… You sit on your pedestal and preach trust and honesty…" You don't finish the sentiment. Sitting up and pulling at all the wires attached to your body. She reaches out for your hands but as soon as her hands land on your, you recoil at her touch. "Stay the hell away from me Natasha!"

You walk out the room leaving her behind using the wall to help you walk. You made it out to the waiting room and it just broke your heart even more. Their eyes on you, the pity radiating off them. Pietro can't even meet your gaze, much less Wanda. Steve took a cautious step forward, and when you didn’t step back he continued. As soon as he reached you he embraced you, everything came crashing down. The truth would have never hurt so much, and you still didn't know the whole story. You take this opportunity and ask Steve to take you to your room. He did as you asked the whole way there was silent until you made it to your room and he closed the door. “Y/n I’m so sorry…” you cut him off. “No you aren't.” you mutter quietly. It takes him by surprise and you take advantage of it. “You need to find him… you need to leave before you don't have the chance to anymore.” He can help but ask why. “Why are you helping me?” You turn to him, your eyes filled with unspoken words. “Because I care for all of you too much to stand by and watch you destroy each other. Leave now!”

“I need to take Wanda and Pietro.” He states and you nod. “I’ll send Clint for them later.” You can't help but to turn in awe of his statement. “Steve you can’t… you can't do that to his family.” You see the guilt in his eyes. “Tony has the government on his side.” Is all he says before he turns and walks toward the door. “Take care Y/n''. Before you know it you’re alone again with nothing, but your thoughts. Soon enough Vision comes phasing through a wall. “I thought you and Wanda talked about this.” You joke wiping your tears away. “Yes, well I thought you might appreciate the company.” He motions to your bed and you nod. He takes the liberty and sits down. “Y/n, I can't lie and tell you that I know what you feel. I comprehend many things, but emotions are the one thing I can't quite figure out.” He states matter of factly. “You played a crucial part in making me whatever it is I am, but what I'm meant to be is what you would say up in the air.” He mentions moving his hands.

“Vision you’re a highly intelligent being with access to all the knowledge you could ever need. I was a kid… a sick kid. His kid.” You state quietly. “I met my mom.” you speak up again. He looks at you trying to decipher what you meant. Your hands motion to your head. “Vision I think that I’m going crazy.” The words barely a whisper as they leave your mouth. “Y/n there are many things that we can't explain… You said this helped you in Vienna. Maybe it’s best not to question it now.” His eyes search for yours, and you nod. “We’ll be a pair of unexplainable beings.” you laugh lightly. Tony not so graciously bursts in as you're about to say something, Vision stands and nods at your direction, you let him go and Tony walks in. “I know that you're angry, and disappointed, and that you probably hate me… but I don't want you to hate me.”

“Yes, well you should’ve thought about that before you casually forgot to mention that You were my father for half a year. And that's assuming you just found out Tony. When did you find out?” He’s quiet at your question, which in turn answers your question. “How long did you know… how long did they all know?” You look at him shift in his place trying to regain himself, so you let him. “Not long after Sokovia… And I-i had my suspicions before that actually.” He states standing straight and looking into your eyes for any sign of emotions. “The team didn't find out until you had your first episode.” You could tell that he didn't want you to hate them too… Little did he know that that wasn't an option because you cared for them too much. “Is Maya Hansen my mother?” You ask taking him by surprise. “I-I um yeah she was your mother.” He says scratching at the back of his neck.

“Right, well I’ll be staying here for the time being. If that's okay with you of course.” Staying gave him hope and you knew that. Now you were lying to him using it as a weakness, all to help Steve. “Yeah, Of Course I can set you up with a more permanent living situation.” He says the excitement dripping in every word. You can only nod. “Hey.” You say as he’s about to walk out. He turns to face you. “She’s okay… and she doesn't hate you.” At first he didn't understand what you meant until he remembered what you said after your first episode. Right as he was about to say something you cut him off. “And for that matter… I don't hate you either.” You state quietly. “I’m hurt… I just need a little time.” He nods the light back in his eyes. “Can you tell the twins that I want to talk to them?” He nods and finally walks out of the room.

Although your words were true you couldn't help but feel guilty. Lying was something that you were not fond of, but neither Steve nor him will take a step back and think about what's best. If someone didn't step in they would kill each other… and whoever it is that comes out on top will never be the same. You couldn't let that happen so if that meant tearing them apart before they got the chance to kill themselves it’s a sacrifice you were willing to make. Then you heard a faint knock on your door and you knew who it was. “Come in it’s open” You say loud enough for them to hear. They walk in and they are a mess just spewing out words out of their mouths… and Pietro seems to be speed apologizing and you can't help but laugh. “We’re not talking about that right now you two… so you can stop doing that.” You say flatly looking at Pietro whose words were now actually comprehensible. “I’m assuming that neither of you have changed your minds on the accords?” You ask, raising your brows. Pietro nods in agreement, but Wanda's silence and lack of reaction are somehow louder.

“Wanda you want to share with the group?” You say confused giving Pietro a look and he just shrugs. “Wanda, you know that we cant sign those papers right.” Pietro asks. She shakes her head . “I’ve hurt people Pietro, maybe this is for the best.” You scoff. “Everyone in this compound has hurt people… Including me.” You turn to Pietro. “She has day two tops before Steve comes for you.” You say emphasizing the ‘you’ at the end. “I just don't want you to feel like you don't have an option, but Wanda you have no Idea what you're signing up for if you sign the accords” She nods. “That's what I wanted to tell you.” You nod and Pietro gives you a small smile. “Why are you doing this Y/n going against your father.” Hearing her say that sparks something within you guilt, anger, sadness. “Because neither of them are going to win, they are too blind to see that we’ve already lost what we value most... Each other.” Both twins are surprised by your honesty. “I’m just trying to preserve what's left.” She nods. “You signed the accords.” She mentions sadly. You nod, taking her hand in yours. “I don't have superhuman abilities, that can be used for bad.” Now you take Pietro's hand as well. “I will do my best to keep you safe. Tony might be my father, but he’s wrong. Take care of each other.”

“This sounds an awful lot like a goodbye.” Pietro quips sadly, you nod. “That's because it might be for a while. We have to keep this charade going till Clint comes for you both. Vision won't let you go without a fight.” You say. “To our luck we have something on your side.” You say smiling pointing at your chest. “I’m going to miss you both.” You smile and pull them both into a hug. They walk out. It's not long after that you hear steps outside your door but they never come in. So you sleep it off. Days passed and you haven't heard from Steve and you were starting to worry.

Then you walk into a busy bustling conference center Tony looks stressed. He looks up at you and he seems to take a breath. “Y/n are you okay?” He asks worriedly. “Some pain here and there, but I don't think it’s anything serious.” You state. “Where are you going and would you mind if I came?” You asked, he sets his phone down and gives you a look. “You um… You would like to come with me?” You take a seat next to him. “They captured Barnes and Rogers… along with his ragtag friend Wilson. We’re going to Berlin. Pack a bag we leave in 30.” You nod. “Where's Pepper I haven't seen her around?” He nods. “Well, um we’re taking a break. I told her I would walk away from all of this, but I can’t. This is me, not to say it's her fault it’s not.” You nod and give his hand an assuring squeeze. “She loves you, just let her know you love her too.” You say as you walk away.

The flight to Germany was rough… not only were you still tired from the surgery, but it was tense. Natasha and Tony were walking on eggshells around each other. And it seems that she is keeping her distance from you. You try to relax and sleep a little but much like your flight to New York nightmares plagued your subconscious. When you wake up you don't miss the looks that Tony and Natasha give each other. Then you remembered your mothers words, you closed your eyes again and tried to relax completely just when you were about to give up and you heard her voice. “This is where you use the gift that I gave you a while ago, look for the perfect opportunity.” Then it happens again "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." Those words. Followed by “Now is the time.” When you wake up Tony is now sitting next to you holding your hand. He goes to apologize, but you stop him and thank him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

After the plane landing Tony explains that he wants to talk to Steve alone you agree and take a step back. You follow Natasha to an empty surveillance room. “I want to apologize for the way I reacted when I found out.” You say when you sit down. “It was not fair for me to take out all of my anger on you.” You continue and you can tell that you fazed her, she was expecting the worst case scenario with you. So it’s not an understatement when she says that she was speechless. “I understand if you don't want to forgive me, or If you need time…” This is the part you weren't expecting. She lunges towards you and kisses you, her lips on yours and you freeze at the feeling. She pulls away hastily turning her back on you. You don't hesitate this time you pull on her arm back to where she was standing... and kiss her back this time your lips moving in perfect synchrony. It would be an understatement if you said that the kiss was quite literally magical.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.” You confess your forehead resting on hers. "And why didn't you?" She asks teasingly. "Well I was kind of waiting for that second date. I kinda have a rule." You say chuckling. In this moment you couldn't have been more happy. And there it is again that voice. "Natasha, Something is very wrong." Quite literally mirroring the incident in Vienna. When suddenly sirens are going off all around you. Your eyes meet Natasha's gaze… afraid of her reaction. "You have to tell me how you do that." She quipped making you laugh. Then you see The world renowned Winter Soldier in attack mode. Nat leaves you in the room going to fight the assassin that is endangering your lives. Almost as if it were instinct you hack into the intercom system and repeat the words that were seared into your memories. "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." You don't even have time to understand how it came out in perfect tongue. "Soldati."

You watch him loosen his hold on Natasha. The breath you've been holding is finally being let out. You see him mouth the phrase. "Ya gotov otvechat" Suddenly Steve and Sam are there and then the rest is a blur. You feel your eyes roll back and the muffled sounds of steps running frantically. When you wake up her eyes greet you, she was worried you could tell. Your eyes wonder her figure, and then her neck. The marks of his hands taking their toll on her. “Are you okay? What happened back there” She asks. “Sorry…” All you can mumble out your eyes pinned on the marks on her neck. She seemed to notice. She took your face in her hands forcing your eyes to meet hers. “It’s okay I’m okay” Is all she needs to say and you nod, leaning forward, and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. “I should’ve done something sooner.” Finally taking a look around you don't quite realize where you are. Nat seems to notice. “We’re at the compound… My room.” She mentions shyly. “How long have I been out?” She sighs. “A while, a couple of hours.” You nod apprehensively. “What happened after I blacked out?” You ask trying to remember what occurred in those hours.

“Well after your little speech on the intercom… he shut down. Whispered something along the line of ‘Ready to Comply’ then Steve and Sam took him from there.” You nod in relief visibly relaxing. Nat gives you a look. “I know what you’re thinking and it's not like that.” You state standing up. “My head tells me things… my mom tells me things. And I know that sounds fucking cynical but I'm telling you its true.” Nat tenses again her rigid exterior on again. “You said that last time.” She states bluntly. You nod slightly hurt at the fact that she doesn’t believe you. “Last I recall it also saved you last time.” She sighs but ultimately nods. “What side are you on? Because I’m having trouble believing that you are on my side.” She asks cautiously “That's because I didn't take a side Natasha, you knew how I felt about the accords from the beginning.” She’s quiet and you continue. “I’m trying to keep everyone from drowning” you take a deep breath. “I’m a pacifist Nat, and I don't want to fight with you… or anyone for that matter.”

She nods “Y/n, I have to go, can I trust you to make sure nothing goes wrong here.” You smirk at that. “D’you want me to lie to you?” You can see the amused look in her eyes. “No, we wouldn't want that now would we?” You shake your head in denial. “Well, in that case…” She cuts you off with another kiss. “We’re okay… regardless of what happens outside of that door. We can come back to each other right?” The last part was more a silent plea… to which you happily gave in. “I’ll be waiting for you.” She smiles genuinely and it’s truly a sight to behold, you feel honored to be the reason that she's smiling. “I’ll see you later then.” She states as she walks out of the room and you nod. As Steve had mentioned Clint showed up later that night. You didn’t have much to do with that by the time you’d made it down stairs. They were long gone. You could almost say the same for Vision, there was something about him now. “Are you okay?” Is the first thing that comes out your mouth. “Do you have reasons to suggest otherwise?” You shake your head. “I take it they left.”

When you finally left the compound… It felt great. Stepping away for just a minute was just what you needed. Unfortunately for you It wasn't long till you were dragged back in. It couldn’t have been three hours by when there was a knock at your door. The person standing on the other side did surprise you however. Pepper, it was her but something was different… She seemed sad. “Pepper, It’s nice to see you, what do you need?” You say while opening your door and moving to let her pass. “You need to help them…” It's all she says and you understand. “I’m trying Pepper, but they are too stubborn for their own good.” She nods. “How is he?” You take a deep breath. “He’s going stir crazy, but he's otherwise fine.” You state. “He does miss you.” She shifts her gaze, not completely comfortable. “He’s going to need you… I’ve had to do things that will hurt him. It’s going to hurt more when he finds out his daughter was working against him.” Now this made her look back at you, concern in her eyes. “He-he told you?” You nod and squeeze her hand. “I know where they are at...” It’s all that Pepper blurts out.

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wavesmp3 · 3 years

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directors cut: oasis

[doing this entirely for myself, out of pure self indulgence lol] [this will be very messy/poorly organized and there will be spoilers]

okay so where to even begin omg..... we will start with the origins of oasis:

its actually, techinically a spin off of the world from this drabble with dino from svt. which the world in this drabble is what the world from oasis would look like very far in the future. but i changed a lot between writing that drabble and creating oasis. but there should be a scene in the drabble that is very similar to a part in oasis (hint: the first vision they got from saskila was not just a random vision with no meaning.......hehe)

but that drabble (its titled dreamscapes) was inspired by a mix of this post on tumblr about how nuclear waste warning signs sounded very cool and the book that i was reading called the children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi

and then after i had made that drabble i saw dee’s (@/atbzkingdom’s) post about the time capsule collab, and i had a couple ideas of what i could do for it but i ultimately decided on what would eventually become oasis !! so i guess we really have dee and that collab to thank for this piece lol

now for the timeline of me writing:

so i started outlining this piece in the first couple days of january, and normally outlines take me a while to come up with just because i struggle in coming up with plot, but i knew that my spring semester of classes would be starting soon and that I didn’t have a lot of time so i just sort of grinded an outline out as well several paragraphs of pure worldbuilding.

and then i started writing

and wow i was Really writing!! at my peak productivity i was easily getting down like 2k a day which for me is insane (for reference, i wrote 1k a day for tsiytt and i struggled my way through that)

but then life happens classes had begun and my writing for oasis slowly become nothing...

i really only found the time to work on the piece every other weekend, so i was really nervous that i wouldn’t finish in time (which technically i didn’t cause it was supposed to come out march 1st) but luckily i did

and at some point in february, i had lost so much of my momentum and motivation for this piece that i almost gave up on it. (at this point i was writing the scenes after they find the seat of wisdom destroyed) but again luckily i did not, but i personally can definitely see a decline in the quality of my writing towards the end (i mean maybe its in my head, but its sort of like i can see the loss of love for the wip in my writing at the end of it)

but don’t misunderstand, i still love oasis!! and in all honesty, i’m already considering starting a second draft to it, which is way sooner than i thought i would lol

also when i started writing this piece, i began writing it in the order that it would be read, but then halfway i switched to writing chronologically

anyways, something i learned while writing this piece, is that writing is a marathon. whereas, even with my longer pieces, i always viewed writing as a sprint. so as i start venturing into original works and more lengthy pieces of writing, i think this was a very valuable lesson for me to have learned.

okay now to the good stuff lol: [the first word of the bullet about the next chapter (?) is bolded for some crumbs of an organized commentary]

so this is jumping to the first past bit... but when i first wrote farah i had a very different plan for her character than who she ended up being. i had imagined that she’d be a lot more cold and a tough love sort of person. so that’s who i was writing when she’s first introduced in the flashback, but she very quickly become a much kinder full of love sort of person. but anyways i mention this because whenever i read that first part and the introduction of her character, i’m always a bit taken aback by how like mean here character is to crown then lol

also zoar !!!! its a terrible place, but i love that underground city

i also wrote the first flashback after i had written the scene where crown and chanhee are talking at his place in andhor, so the whole “fearless” connection was done very purposefully here since i knew how it’d be referenced in the next scene. someone mentioned this small connection in their reblog but i cant remember who

also rashi is my favorite character xD

i personally think how crown and chanhee became friends (the running thing) is so cute

this first bit of conversation between crown and chanhee when it switches back to the present and chanhee is giving them a tour of andhor is actually quite important to me, in the sense that its the first glimpse of how their actual relationship works and how they act together and just like their dynamic despite the fact that they havent seen each other in so long

and yeah i think kyu mentioned this and a few others, but i love how awkward it is when chanhee and crown are in his home in andhor, cause one: they havent seen each other in years! but also: anyone else find going to someone’s place for the first time oddly intimate, like wow you’re opening up your home to me and now suddenly idk how to sit or stand or what to do with my arms... maybe just me LMAO

DUDE i struggled so hard with making it so that chanhee knew how impossible this whole mission was going to be without actually revealing that he knows about the mirror. it was so hard for me, hopefully it came out alright though. if anyone is reading this, did the twist(s) come as a shock to you? did you see it coming? or did it feel like it came out of absolutely no where and not in a good way?

yes i did name the desert after the department store kohls .....

i was so excited to explain all the mage types, i had so much fun writing this whole chapter

fun fact: there was originally another sub group of psyche mages called dream mages who had like powers with dreams and stuff, but it ended up being irrelevant and really underdeveloped so it took it out

if anyone else was raised catholic or is catholic then i’d hope you recognize the names of all the relics.... i stole them from a prayer in the rosary whoops

it took me very long time to figure out exactly how the whole soul for the relic business would work, and idk if im a 100% satisfied with what it is/how it works/how it plays into rashi giving chanhee the locket

the note new gives crown.... the first slice of their friendship blooming, bro i eat that shit up

this part where crown and rashi are talking after the lesson is actually one of my favorites. (like i said i love rashi, but i just really love her interreacting with crown, i think they have such an interesting dynamic and one that i’ve seen irl a lot between students and teachers, where the student adores the teacher... i’ll get more into this later) but moving on, i like it for a number of reasons. one: it’s the first time we as readers get to see rashi talk outside of her role as lesson master. two: i love crown getting this validation from rashi. it’s not really expanded on a lot, but crown’s magic is definitely a bit of an insecurity for them, in the way that they don’t feel like it belongs to them. but here rashi comes, this person that crown looks up to so much, and telling crown that they’re a bit similar when it comes to having magic. and surprising crown by comforting them. and... idk i just really love this moment for crown.

okay this line: “You call your mom Rashi?” is a lowkey reference to game plan,, if anyone knows what i’m talking about then please come clown me for nearly having the entire movie memorized

oh, i also find the capital really cool. in my head the capital was always one huge building that contains an entire city but i realized while editing that i never really explained that, so idk if i successfully described the capital as cool as it is to me

also the five friends part.....CUTE

when chanhee says “i know. i remember.” !!! girl i felt that line with my entire chest. idk why

okay wait this part: “But that knowledge seems to fall flat right now. Because despite everything, curiosity won the war.” i love it so much, its that tiny of sliver of hope that gets me personally

i think this part where crown’s pride is so hurt by no one telling them about chanhee’s healing magic is quite important because its a glimpse of how stubborn and prideful and headstrong of a character they can be

also this : “ ‘and do you believe everything rashi says’ / without hesitation, you answer, ‘yes, of course’ “ this is another example of how highly crown thinks of rashi while growing up, almost to a fault. to the point where crown thought rashi could do no wrong. which i think is so interesting to think about when contrasted with the fight crown and chanhee have in the jungle where crown is the one discussing how rashi was wrong. i just like how much growth crown has had between all these years. and their opinion / perspective on rashi is one of the largest indicators of that growth.

I also just really like that paragraph where shadow vs healing is explained... I think chanhee’s magic is so sick

oh also the names thing.... I can’t remember where I got the idea to do that from but im so glad I did. its one of my favorite aspects to this world, and it looks like a lot of other people enjoyed it as well. but apart from the intimacy of it, i love how the use of names affects one’s magic. and that paragraph where they go through all that a mage could do with a name. it gives me chills. just cause.... the possibilities

so many people have mentioned this line.... but I must too, so this part: “magic always comes with a price. this is new’s” ..... crazy

saskila scares me omg

again the first vision they see is not a random scene.... the easter eggs I planted with that mwahaha

yeah that scene where they’re outside the tent discussing who should give their name to saskila..... I love that scene chanhee’s “I don’t have anyone but you” and crown deflecting all that tension with the pinky promise and the saskila calling them lovers.... mwah

this random scene about the hot summer and laying with Farah and new in the gardens is another one of my favorite, it’s just so sweet

but this next scene makes me so sad

like I know what happens and I know that everything turns out okay but I get so scared for crown

yeah just that entire part after Rashi gets to them and when they’re going to the infirmary and before crown passes out... I love that whole part. i think i did an effective job of writing the gravity of that whole moment. cause it makes me a little stunned every time I read it. and I was pretty nervous about not being able to do that scene and that moment justice so I’m glad it turned out like it did

and again this line: magic always comes with a price, and in your case, it comes with several.

okay this part after they jump out of the ship and crown is talking to Chanhee but that other dude is talking too... I hope it’s not too confusing. I really wanted to show through the writing that this was all happening at the same time, but idk it came out well. like in my mind I have such a clear picture of this scene, but I have no clue if I did effective job of showing you guys what I’m seeing through the writing

oh yeah, crowns thing about dual wielding and engulfing the blades in flames.... I find that so cool. they’re so sick for that

yeah also the part where crowns hurt and they give Chanhee their name and they use it.... great moment, but I feel like my writing is a bit lacking here. i just know it could be better.

I think at this point of writing my classes had started, and again the disparity in writing quality is so obvious to me

but the line where chanhee is describing how it all feels, and it says “chanhee feels golden” was inspired by daylight by taylor swift, theres a line in that song that goes “i used to think love would be burning red, but its golden” and like hello the parallels between that and crown’s fire magic.... something to think about

so this next part where it’s back to the past and crown is getting in trouble (as crown does) but the part where crown is like asking but not directly asking for rashi’s name.... that part is so crazy to me cause it’s feels so out of place. but it was purposeful. i was trying to show that crown’s growing and that they’re at this weird age where they feel invincible. and also i wanted to put more emphasis on how being royal and the heir to the throne kind of effects the relationships crown has

and the last line of this part when rashi says “never abuse it” it gives me chills whew

the next part ... another part that i had high hopes for in the outlining stages of writing, but when it came to actually writing, this scene totally flopped, i’m gonna try not to dwell on this part too much cause i just know most of my comments will be about how much i don’t like it. but just overall, this scene could have been SO MUCH BETTER !

omg this little interaction: ““Look!” Chanhee deadpans, shooting you a glare. “The match is about to begin.” / “Wish me luck.” / “I hope you lose.”” i think its so funny and cute

“ Your eyes immediately got to Rashi “ another example of how highly crown regards rashi

“In Wurltan.” hmmmmmm sus.... *laughs in i love mentioning things that won’t make sense to reader until later*

okay this: “Yes, but not just any mage. I…” your voice trails off, pulling at your fingers and looking anywhere but at him. “I wanted you to know.” i cannot stand these two omg

okay this part: “Chanhee thinks and overthinks the words spoken between you both. His mind drifts off to last night as well, that moment in the tent where you shared your warmth. He doesn’t even realize he’s staring at you until you give him a funny look. He quickly looks away and wonders if you’re overthinking everything as relentlessly as he is.” this part makes me think about what ina said about how chanhee shows his love by keeping you in his thoughts and YEAH chanhee’s love language in this piece is thinking about you and staring LOL

i hate this next part, not cause i don’t like it or anything it just makes me sad

but this line: “Like if someone shoved you from behind right now, you wouldn’t push back; you’d let yourself fall straight to the ground.” i actually love that line

also this next entire bit i see SO clearly in mind, i hope i wrote it well enough so that you all saw it clearly too

when chanhee wipes the dirt.... girl i’m wiping my tears

this line : “We’ll lean on each other.” mini love declaration sighhhhhh

yeah that whole part i love so much

the seat of wisdom :(((( no!!!!!

so about this line: “He stares at his palms, at all the lies buried under each nail and at all the secrets shoved in every crack. He watches as they all blow up in front of his face.” >> i had like ten different versions of it before i settled on this one lol

okay so the first part of the last past flashback with crown realizing their true feelings... so soft

news gone, rashis’s dead, :((( it makes me so sad

gosh okay this paragraph..... “I’ve always wondered why the gods blessed me and you the way that they have. They entrusted you with such great power. The only person to be both a healing and shadow mage in centuries. And then,” a tear falls from her eye, “they entrusted you to me.” Chanhee thinks this might be the first time he’s seen Rashi cry. “But now I have reason to believe that this was no accident. I’m beginning to think that the gods have always known it would come to this. And I’m starting,” she falters there, “I’m starting to spite them for it.” it hurts so bad im sorry

the first confrontation with harlan took me so long to write, and i’m still not sure if i actually like it, so again i will refrain from commenting lol

but the part where crown screams : “YOU LOST THE MIRROR OF JUSTICE!” I think i told kyu this but this line makes me laugh because in my head its said the same way bella says: “you nicknamed my daughter after the lochness monster” whenever i see that line i smile lol

honestly this argument scene..... one of my absolute faves,,, everything lina said about it in that reblog just yes!yes!yes!! i can’t even comment about a particular part because all of it i love so much. its another part that leaves me slightly speechless.

but my favorite part of it might be how it ends hehe

these next couple parts were a bit diffucult to write because obviously the air between crown and chanhee is not very light right now so it was just hard to navigate their dynamic at these moments until they apologize but hopefully it turned out alright

i really like this line: “But this moment—with the scent of Harlan’s wine under his nose and the chill of Harlan’s blade against his neck—this moment feels nothing like those. It feels empty.”

“ Chanhee just stares at you.“ -- staring as a love language exhibit b

this whole part... chills bro

“Chanhee exhales because for the first time since this afternoon he looks at your face and sees you.” -- exhibit c ....

okay wait another one of my favorite parts here: the spilled glass metaphor!! again please reference lina’s rb on this because everything said there... could not have said better myself. inspired by this writing advice by ocean vuong and yeah i just think the metaphor speaks for itself, one of my favorite lines (well paragraph) from the entire piece, actually from ALL of my works

it was so hard to think up all of yumi’s different names, i was struggling

them talking about how farah will be happy to see chanhee...... how do i break it to you crown.....she’s dead...... awkward

red streak q! yesss. also i’m so sorry for killing off farah

also kyunyu bestiessss

tbh this whole paragraph: “I get this overwhelming burst of honesty. As if what you both speak of is more than just a simple truth, as if it’s a commandant you blindly follow. What’s even odder is that I only feel that burst when you speak of each other.” Q stops walking and turns so that he faces Chanhee directly. “You speak of Crown constantly. And last night, when I met Crown, your title never left from the tip of their tongue. Humans are so simple really. We mention what we love.” Q pauses for a moment, bringing a hand under his chin. “Do you love Crown?” --i wrote it for myself no regrets

oh wait this bit too : “Quietly, Chanhee says, “I know.” / “Have you been watching?” / “I’ve been waiting.” / “For what?” / He meets your eyes. “For you.”” -- sometimes i do things that live rent free in my own mind

okay im so sorry for just quoting myself but this too : “ He sits back slightly. Shocked. Not by his love for you, but rather by how easily love walked into his heart and settled between his lungs “

lol the part where they try fooling q... why are crown and chanhee like this

the running !!!

yeah also every part after that... tears okay

yumi’s magic !!! its so cool to me, i love it so much

i surprisingly don’t have much to say about the end... i mean i like it, but i just don’t have any comments. the last line tho... good one shawna

okay im done for you sake i hope no one read this lmao

#oasis #mine #not sure what else to tag this lol #oh #directors commentary #this got so long for no reason

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faemytho · 4 years

Note

I’m not really in the hazbin hotel fandom ((I love the show don’t get me wrong I’m just not in the fandom)) but I kinda wanna see what you mean? Also I figure you’re still okay with people shipping him just either the fact that people ignore that canonical he is aroace sex repulsed or use it as a “oh we just have to fix him” trope (which fuck that trope)

Same asker that admitted to not really being in the hazbin hotel fandom but liking the show- thought it over and i actually don’t know how you could do Alstser (can’t spell bare with me) without having him as aroace sex repulsed without having him look barely anything like the original- maybe apart from that fic you made a while back

okay so, in regards to this post i made earlier about aroace romantic/sex repulsed alastor, that was a headcanon. (i said, and i quote, its canon bc i said so, but in reality ive fooled u all it was just a headcanon i even said so in the tags)

my headcanons aside, alastor IS canonically ace, as referenced by this tweet below (and hey, canon bi character!!! we love that!!)

there is also a footnote on the HH wiki that says alastor is aromantic as well, but the footnote links to a four hour stream video, and i do not actually have the patience to comb through it to see if that's true or not (or if it even came from the mouth of vivzie)

uh, yeah. here's the link to the stream, in case anyone wanted it/was curious.

canonicities aside, lets get one thing out of the way:

i am all for ignoring canon, using fandom to do whatever you want, ect ect, all power to the fans and whatnot, do what you want and be free because its fiction

which means, yes, i am 1000% okay with people shipping alastor with whoever they want! with angel, with charlie, with husk, with vaggie, with nifty, ect ect ect, i don't care, ship what you want, be free, live your best life.

my problem, though, is this: literally nobody in this fandom knows how to write an ace character. and when they do write him as "ace", its OFFENSIVE.

i cannot COUNT the amount of alastor fics ive read where he's supposedly written as asexual (and its usually even tagged in the fic tags, "asexual character"), then ends up sexually attracted to his given partner for that fic, and when they actually go to do the deed, alastor is infantilized to, well, hell and back. and by that, i mean a few things.

he either:

doesn't understand his sudden sexual attraction and/or sexual feelings

doesn't understand what's going on during the sex scene

doesn't know the proper terms for body parts and sexual processes

is HIGHLY feminized and is categorized as "submissive" while the partner becomes the "dominant" and continues on with the sex scene

not only is that fourth one misogynistic and homophobic (an entire other can of worms about how feminine sub/masculine dom in homosexual relationships enforces toxic heteronormativity, aka, the idea that one must "be the girl" and one must "be the man"), but all four of these together are aphobic when you realize, "hey, alastor is an ace character".

off my point a little bit, but ANY relationship (gay, straight, and/or otherwise) should not be using sub/dom as a model to follow - sub/dom is a BDSM kink thing; it should NOT be the normalized sex model for ANY relationship.

there's nothing wrong with kink! but doing BDSM wrong can severely hurt/mentally damage either partner if done incorrectly. normalizing it means that so many young people don't actually understand what sub/dom actually means, and even less the consequences if done wrong.

but back to my point: asexual people get infantilized. and we get infantilized often, because people think "oh, you're not interested in sex/you've never had sex, so you must not 1) know anything about it, 2) know anything about the real world and how nitty gritty it is to survive out here"

basically, ace people get treated like children. a lot.

here is a fantastic article that explains the rampant infantilization of both aro and ace people, and why it is aphobic to do that.

i highly recommend you all read the article, because it is fantastically well written and concise. here's my favorite paragraph:

"Society conditions us to believe that a lack of romantic or sexual attraction is a transitory period. This viewpoint assumes an inevitable progression from a nonsexual to sexual state of being that marks entry into adulthood. Similarly, engaging in romantic relationships is recognized as a milestone of maturity. This stereotyping results in the infantilization of all aromantic and asexual spectra people, especially those who are entirely romance and/or sex-averse. It also incorrectly characterizes asexual people as sex-negative, even though personal sex-aversion and general sex positivity are not mutually exclusive. Moreover, the idea of “being ready” to progress from friendships to romantic and sexual relations undermines the value of platonic relationships, which are integral to our community."

i'm going to move on to one more point, because i know if i don't, i'll get SO many alastor allo-pologist authors whining and screaming about how ace people can have sex too

and yes, here's the thing: asexual people can have sex, can want to have sex, can be sex positive... but that doesn't change the fact that to be not-asexual (or allosexual, if you'd like to use proper terms), you have to be sexually attracted or experience sexual attraction - WHICH IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAVING A LIBIDO, AND ITS NOT SOMETHING ACE PEOPLE CAN DO/HAVE.

what ace people can have:

a libido

sex

sexual arousal

sex drive

kinks

a partner they're not necessarily sexually attracted to, but trust to have sex with them anyways

what ace people can't have (unless they're not actually ace and are instead allosexual):

sexual attraction to someone

wanting to have sex with a specific person because of this attraction (a partner, celebrity, people they find explicitly attractive)

still confused? don't be!

here's a post where i better explain the difference between sexual attraction vs sexual drive and what that means for ace people

to close this out, im going to attempt to summarize why im so pissed about this.

alastor is canonically asexual.

he may be sex negative, sex neutral, or sex positive; we don't know, but this is fandom and we're allowed to headcanon him however we wish - we can even headcanon him as not asexual!

which is great, yea, but when the ace character is the fan favorite...

people constantly and consistently write alastor as "ace".

which would be GREAT! if they ever did it correctly.

here's what i see most often. instead of headcanoning him as not asexual, they've heard something about how ace people can have sex anyways!

so for woke points, they slap their alastor ship/sex fics with the "asexual character" tag, and write alastor in one of two ways

uwu baby "ive never said a bad word in my life and i dont understand how the world works" asexual

allosexual, but call him ace anyways

both of those are aphobic. i have yet to come across ONE fic where alastor's asexuality (negative, neutral, or positive) is written, and labeled, CORRECTLY.

you know, it actually hurts MORE when he's written as "ace (actually allo)" than it does if people just headcanon him as not asexual.

alastor is a successful serial killer. he has spent decades in hell.

ALASTOR IS A SUCCESSFUL SERIAL KILLER. HE HAS SPENT DECADES IN HELL.

and you cowards are going to write him as inexperienced, ""innocent"", sexually uneducated?? i think the fuck NOT.

NOT ONLY THAT.

alastor lived through the roaring 20s. the flapper movement. the harlem renaissance. AND the sexual revolution of the 1920s. HE LIVED THROUGH ALL OF THAT. and you're going to act like he doesn't know what sex is?? we even KNOW he lived through all that because he says it himself, "i havent been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929", and 1929 was the end of all those movements and the beginning of the great depression - and then alastor died in 1933 after living a successful serial killer life in louisiana.

tell me again, why wouldn't alastor know what sex is or how it works? and if you can't, THEN STOP WRITING HIM LIKE THAT.

please please PLEASE educate yourself before you write an asexual character. ESPECIALLY if you're going to write them with a libido, and actually ACTING on that libido.

thank you.

sincerely, an exhausted sex positive asexual.

#hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #the radio demon #hazbin alastor #i am at my limit #asexual #asexuality #fae rants

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smallestclowninthecircus · 3 years

Text

Tma season 2 notes baybeee

I made myself take several breaks so I could give my frie d who is listening to it at the same time as me a chance to catch up. Honestly just posting them so I have them saved somewhere but whatever.

ep 41: real graham wrote keep watching before he was replaced. Jon feels like he's being watched. But they werent replaced by things related to the eye. It's the web that's on the box that replaces them. Endless hallways and doors to nowhere. I bet nicholas will have ideas what entity this relates to. If it even does. They're like the tunnels in the one with the builder guy. Tunnels closing in etc. Also like the cave diving one. He's assuming it's just one

ep 42: so 100 gecs? (IM SORRY I LIKE 100 GECS BUT LMAO) so there's some entity related to music right? There's the piper episode and the 27 w/ the calliope. Ah yes, this season is gonna be the season of Paranoid!Jon

ep 43: section 31? fucking books. god no. smashed lights? cult lady did that. covered the lights too. she mentioned a spooky clown doll. thats not random.

ep 44: is this that same circus that got mentioned before? it is! the pipe organ! pop off organ! pipe off! mouth on the stomach! yes! mouths in unusual places my beloved!

ep 45: antiques! like that one ep!

ep 46: every time books get mentioned i sigh. hhh sus smells. it got brighter. I get the vibes occasionally that the dark and the eye are sorta at odds with eachother. GRRR BARK BARK LEITNER. ayyy ex altiora. entity go brr. which entity do we thing it is? my guess is The Dark. The book buyer's name is Mike. He has scars? Electricity? The childhood friend of the guy who got it later on perhaps? The Vast? its formatted like an entity idk. This happened before the other one. He got trapped in the wood carving. a win for the web lol spiders go brr

ep 47: did i hear spiral? ITS THE NOT THING FROM THE EPISODE WITH NOT GRAHAM "it didnt move, it shifted" is like the exact same sentence as before. ay john's starting to remember. the laughing woah thats weird. is "michael" one of the entities? "you make it seem like theres a war" supports my theory that theres a struggle between a couple of the entities. I said i thought it was the eye and the dark i believe but im not sure. its whatever entity michael is vs the worms? what did nicholas say the worms were again? The Corruption? still dont know which one michael is tho.

Had to take a break after that episode. smth about the quality of michael's voice makes me feel like im gonna slip into one of those states where it feels like nothing is real, so i got a nice cold glass of water.

ep 48: jesus ok this one's kidna corny. you're telling me love made the crowd go away come on now. Ur losing it big J. also shouldnt it be more sus that "sasha" is so unaffected by the worm incident/ finding of gertrude's body

ep 49: haven't we heard hector's name before? oh is he the crime guy? fucking jared... so it's a throat? chompa chompa. (it's just a little bit hot) the good part about these episodes is that we know whoever's telling the story isn't gonna die. even if it's a close call, they're not dead. hotworth? ok not jared keay. it bothers me how theres so many repeated names, can they not come up with other names? "sasha"'s computer is breaking... sus. Elias our favorite weed man! jon ur so paranoid lmao

ep 50: robert smirk, at it again. this is like that one episode with the old dude who locked his door. who said idle beforehand? was it smirk? fingertips. thats so weird lmao. bahahah tim

ep 51: simon fairchild. im sure jon will mention the name at the end i cant remember where we've heard it. this is just like the cavediving episode. a hand? there was a hand in the last one right? the scalpel! and an eye thing. she's trying to throw them off.

ep 52: thats the guy from before! with the hearts! god i hate this guy writing the statement hh. lights blowing, and brackish water. we know how this ends but its still tense. rainer? reigner? rain man. we've seen him before

ep 53: pls not a leitner. oh boy mans scratched out his eyes. rip skelly. why would gertrude have had this statement off the books? jon stabbed himself?? bruh im? big man are you okay

ep 54: cockney boys! ayy its our favorite delivery men. she cut out their eyes. she knew that the eye was a thing?

ep 55: oily residue like the retirement home!

ep 56: worms? no. spiders?? bruhh. aaah yelling :(( aww martin anyways yeah i called it about paranoid!jon he needs to take a nap and drink some hot chocolate and calm down for once please

ep 57: just remembered, i think theres an entity called The Lonely?? This feels pretty lonely idk. fairchild, lukas/ lucas, some spooky place in norway idk. "sasha" knew he was recordinig hmm suspicious cmon jon figure it out. Sasha and tom. hm sus. for records sake i feel liek i should note here that I did have it spoiled to me simply that that's not sasha, but thats really all. i assumed it was like the thing that happened to graham in S1

ep 58: i feel like i recognize the name eustice (?) wick. someone please tell me im not just watching jon's descent into madness over the course of this podcast. im hoping it isnt so but, (and pardon the dsmp reference) im getting real wilbur vibes from this one.

ep 59: oh dear ok account from the fielding house. swirling designs? Spiral time? oh boyy. oh wait! 6 inch hole in the middle! is it not a spiderweb type design on the table? thats what i had assumed but that description sounds more like a spiral thing. cobwebs is a Web thing. ayy nicholas was right! the box goes in the table! the place that she kissed him was burning. Raymond is an avatar of The Web and agnes is the burning one. Lightless Flame! Why did she save him? i guess she was against this guy eating ppl or wtvr but why was she at the halfway house then? I think she's like michael.

ep 60: the eye go brr

ep 61: breacon and hope once again. tom. sasha's boyfriend. vampires sleep in coffins. the guy just walking in seems similar to the mind control of the vampires

ep 62: bones! its that one leitner. is this mother keay? the mom of gerard? this is what happened to her right? her skin was found on hooks? oh yeah thats what i thought the pages are made of skin. yeesh. The End!! sounds like an entity. phrased like one, and i think i remember it. are the people trapped in the pages? or... kept?

ep 63: eaten by the darkness! cavediving episode! (just like eaten by the sky) did my brain make up one called The Vast? it feels like it should be one, and all these episodes have some similar description about their feelings when they do whatever chosen hobby they have. ok now this one kinda feels like the dark. lights going out and all that. ok so not really a The Vast thing, its more of a Dark thing. feckin smirk gah.

ep 64: dice! the death guy! the death game thing! the person tricked somebody else into becoming death and then they were immortal? but if the egyptians wanted to kill him or punish him or whatever couldnt they just kill him? it worked in the end when he had the person giving the statement stab him, that did the job and actually killed him

ep 65: finally jon is actually acknowledging something is wrong.

So we know Mary Keay was revived most likely with the book by gerard.

Gertrude was way more aware of the entities than Jon. mary keay referenced The End openly and she cut the eyes out of her magazines and all that which makes me think she was aware of The Eye

ep 66: please not buried alive pleeaase not buried alive. lukas of the tundra? didnt we hear the name lukas before? she wanted it to be difficult to find important files because that way bad people couldnt find them?

ep 67: agnes... the girl in the hilltop house? agnes poppin off!! he's really not gonna question how she knew where he lived?? oh no D: the tree. were they the ones working on the house? aww they kissi- OH DEAR. why did she kiss him? it seemed like she cared about him? also she could kiss that other dude on the cheek and he was fine, but maybe it was cuz she was younger? lightless flame go brrrrr.

ep 68: oh god books. yup its bitchboy leitner. mans said "this seems supernatural, its a werd book!" bruuh.

ep 69: heh nice. aw cmon jon listen to martin. gahhh spiders. is that the class we heard about in the other doctor one with the teeth apple? some kind of psych class? oh dear. fucking spiders. aaaah. web do be goin brr. it's like the girl in the homeless shelter! who made the guy leave and she took his bed.

ep 70: is this gonna be the book that mary keay had? Most likely a leitner no matter what. Oh boy latin. Why did it start in latin then become old English? I'm guessing people put them in the book? He cant burn it. Phrophecies go brr. He says eh it's a decade in the future it's fine. Its gonna have changed. Ayy called it. Just accept it, it's a magic book. His death is getting closer. Leitner didnt make them but just collected them? Gertrude burned the book! She burned them down there so no one would know.

ep 71: oh boy tunnels. Our favorite thing /s. is The Buried a thing? Idk this seems pretty buried. Oh dear he's trapped here isnt he. "Not enough space to move, never enough to breathe" is that from the computer episode? With the guy who uploaded his consciousness? Somebody living down there. Hmmmm. Guesses: tom, sasha's boyfriend. Gertrude herself? (Though I doubt it)

ep 72: sweeney todd moment. Meat. The slaughter? Idk we'll see what the supernatural part is. Meat is meat. Similar to the slaughterhouse episode. Is it fucking Jared I swear to God it better not be. Hooligan teenagers, you know how it is. Meat is me lmao. Is the kid gonna be in the freezer. Ok that's good. OWW. Oddly textured candles. Made from people? Human fat or smth? Tom from the meat processing plant!

ep 73: outer bay shipping. Bet it's a subset of breacon and hope delivery. The Dark go brrr. Uh oh mans is gonna die. Leo or whatever. Cult ppl go brr. The people's church of the divine host. Who is the divine host? Is it reigner or whatever his name is? I dont think Jon can quit tbh. Probably an anonymous tip but from who?? One of the entities?

ep 74: fucking teeth hhh. I dont know which entity is related to teeth. Spiral. Isnt the spiral an entity. It feels like it could be related to many things idk. Yeah this sounds like the spiral. Heart attack at 29? Jesus... michael! That's kinda what I was thinking. Sasha goin in the tunnels. Hmm sus. They move the floor. Wack. Bet its tom.

ep 75: Man with a lightning scar. Has one of the leitner books. The childhood friend of the one who first introduced us to leitner. Oh my god that sounds terrifying. Michael crew.

ep 76: scalpel? Hmm spooky. NotSasha... think jon think.

ep 77: another double! NotThem, The Stranger. Not related to the table?

ep 78: what was that at the beginning? Question mark?? Oh boy more NotThem. Decker... what is the deal with the table. Does it contain the creature? Fucking Michael. Bitchboi himself.

ep 79: yes pop off martin. Ugh fucking Michael just leave man. I hate that dude. New person. Hmm. No idea who it is.

ep 80: shitener himself! Ok sir tell us the entities. Ayy The Spiral. Ok we know what that one is. The Eye is the beholding! Oooh. The Stranger. Did elias just kill leitner? Popping off honestly.

#Neptune tma notes

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k-i-ssmyash · 3 years

Note

Pls I would love to hear your analysis on why those mitski songs fit each iz boy (feel free to ignore this but if you'd like do tell bcs I think it is interesting B) )

Oh buddy you've made a mistake. You'd love to hear the analysis? Well I love to talk; I hope your ready for the absolute word vomit and rambling that's under the cut. But yeah, no, i'll never turn down asks like this! Interact with me! I'm but a simple, lonely tumblr hermit.

Let's start off with the first post containing Zim and referencing A Pearl. I tie this song in with his (fandom assumed) character development and how it effects both his mental state, Dib, and his ideology of the Irken Empire as a whole. In a way, I think a lot of us over-sympathize or find common ground with our alien and it prompts us to victimize him and excuse a lot of his actions. And for good reasons honestly? It's easy to do so consider that he was born under the rule of a tyrannical society where flaws are looked down upon. He does wrong but to him it's not exactly wrong, is it? It's unfair to judge him and scrutinize him the same way we do humans. The show is slap-stick at it's core and despite the grim and black-humor based undertones, not much is taken seriously. Although it often ends up in failure, everything he attempts to do is to better the empire, to receive recognition from the beings they hail to about the same degree as a deity. The long and short of it is that he wants to make the Tallest happy. To prove that he's worth their time and that he can live up to everything he dreamed he could be, but the truth is that he can't. He loves the people that hate him the most. It's an abusive relationship at it's finest, really. So he picks up the most unhealthy coping mechanism: Denial. He can't accept the fact that he's a fake invader, or that his Tallest weren't coming to Earth, because it would genuinely destroy him. And why wouldn't it? Pleasing his superiors and contributing to the hive-collective is encoded in him. It's all he's ever known. I specifically chose the given lines "(It's just that) I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended-" because that's the back-bone of Zim's character. You can take it both literally and metaphorically if you'd like. He's invader Zim. He likes being an invader because it gives him a purpose. The Tallest give him a fake mission and play into his delusion of doing good and being someone important (of being loved, even) and never truly hammer in the fact that he's exiled--not counting the unaired episode or the bit of commentary mumbled under the Tallests breath-- because they find the situation funny to an extent. (also, what gets me just in general with it is that Zim thinks that people like him but he's actually just one big joke and ow goddamn it my feelings) Main lyric(s) out of the way there I similarly associate the song to Zim's uh 'character redemption' so to say. I think he'd struggle to become accustomed to Earth and the fact that he doesn't have to rely on commands to live his life. I relate the line(s): "You're getting tired of me (and all of the things I don't talk about) / You love me so hard and I still can't sleep / It's not that I don't want you / It's not that I don't want your touch / There's a hole that you fill" With his relationship with Dib-- platonic, romantic, whatever-- and the general give and take of it all. He'd like to assimilate and believe in the freedom given by living on Earth. He wants it and in a way Dib provides the stability he needs there and it would be so, so, easy to give in to it. But he can't because the Empire continues to loom over him and his day-to-day life. As it's been proven, without Dib there to provoke Zim, the little alien falls into a depression, not unlike the one he fell into in Enter The Florpus when he saw the truth in his mission. Dib is his substitute, essentially. (there's something to be said with that relationship and how I view it but this is already dragging on and this is only the first analysis, so maybe another time.) And lastly, I'd like to think that the Pearl the song is eluding to can be compared to Zim's PAK. The whole 'Pearls are parasites that live inside of mollusks' bit can relate to the PAK and it's purpose. But I see it more in the sense that the PAK is the second brain, a computer memory drive that grants Zim access to the memories he can't bring himself to forget or delete. I.e., "And it left a pearl in my hand / And i roll it around every night just to watch it glow /

Every night, baby, that's where I go" Every time he takes a step forward, he takes two back because he just can't let go of what he knows (the Empire).

--- As for Dib and I Bet On Losing Dogs, well, it's a little more complicated and I'm still not entirely sure of my break-down here because there's so many layers to apply. Originally when I started messing around with this idea, it was going to be centered on Membrane "My baby, you're my baby, say it to me" and him loving Dib despite his flaws. And I still think it could apply. While Dadbrane doesn't support Dib's paranormal bull-shit, and he shouldn't considering the lengths Dib goes through to prove it (bus hoping, obsessive behavior, the fucking trench-coat) he does support and love his son despite the absentness. Hence the "I bet on losing dogs" and you know, Dadbrane just being there to pick him up and have his back when he really needs to. But then we get to the last line of the first verse. "Tell your baby that I'm your baby" To which Dib, in all of his edgy glory, decided to stick his big-head in to my thought process. I saw it as Dib wishing that Membrane would pick him over Science. Kind of a plea for attention? Like: Put your work away, I know you love it but you need to love me more. Dib has got to have the biggest hero-complex out of everyone in the show. He also has an inferiority-complex that compels him to try and prove himself. Quite frankly, and pun fully intended, he is the underdog. The odds are always against him and he almost never comes out victorious in the end, in that way, I feel like Dib himself is the loosing dog. His belief in the supernatural is the loosing dog. No one will ever believe him, "I bet on losing dogs / I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place" but he's too stubborn to give up. Even if he's mocked and ridiculed he would never stop trying to prove himself correct and would continue to stick to his guns. "I'll be there on their side / I'm losing by their side" He ostracizes himself from his peers by not letting belief go. He is purposely sabotaging his chance of being seen as someone other than the crazy kid.

That being said, the next line is where his Hero-complex comes back into play. "Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down" in Enter the Florpus, his sworn enemy was in a funk that he knew all too well. Sure, in the end he wanted to use Zim for his own gain, but before that he sympathized with him. And in a way, he possibly wouldn't know how to act if he ever did actually succeed? I couldn't help but think that Dib, who has always lost wouldn't feel like exposing Zim would be a win? He'd miss the fight. Dib would miss the struggle of being beaten down only to rise up when he finally gets some sort of substantial evidence: "I wanna feel it / I bet on losing dogs" he hopes that Zim will come up with something big and bad not because he wants him to win either, but because then Dib has something to fight against. Along with that, the one time Dib actually broke away from paranormal to go along with his father's wishes he was absolutely miserable. He was successful. He made his father happy, he could have made something out of his life but he couldn't; the appeal of Zim and their on-going stalemate was too much to resist-- "I always want you when I'm finally fine / Someone to watch me die" -- Dib is ruining himself by obsessing over the truth and Zim would be going down, right there with him. ahaha, that was a lot wasn't it? It probably didn't make sense either as it's just my personal rambling here, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and opinions on it all.

#smoke break #Ash Answers #invader zim #mitski

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 90

[Date: 17/03, 02.33 PM GMT - 17/03, 03.53 PM GMT]

[This conversation was going on in #arg, partly simultaneously to another in #general. The second is referenced later and was posted separately before this one.]

[Direct continuation of pt 89]

[After Void pointed out the gdoc change, Fetch added another message:]

[Added was: “Please don’t tell them please don’t tell them please just pretend you never saw this just please.”]

Void: “nvm may be just my bad internet fucking things up ignore me”

Jack the Observer: “Oh. I see it.

Little sunflower seeds in green and yellow :)”

[Maxwell: “Where do you see that?”]

Jack the Observer: “Ask fetch, I think. He’s the one who edits the blog”

Jack the Observer: “But it’s there, if you look.”

Maxwell: “Fetch....”

fetch: “It isn't though?? I'm looking at the doc right now and there's nothing about sunflower seeds”

Jack the Observer: “I can send pictures, fetch.

If you would prefer?”

Maxwell: “i cant find anything”

fetch: “jack. after yesterday do you really wanna push me.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah, i kind of do, actually

I could

I feel like it’s important and relevant information”

Void: “fetch knows best about what is there just ignore what i said,,,,”

fetch: “yeah. let's just ignore it.”

Maxwell: “but you all said...seeds”

donti (e): “... fetch please, this is serious.. it could endanger everyone here”

Jack the Observer: “Sunflower seeds :) leaves in yellow and green. You think if i won’t let Max hide it, I’ll let you, Fetch?”

fetch: “jack. drop it. right fucking now with that stupid fucking smile.”

Jack the Observer: “You are, in fact, just as important as Max is.

Unfortunately.

And it’s imperative that we keep all of you safe.”

Maxwell: “that...is one of the nicest things ive heard you say to us....”

fetch: “i know the doc better than anyone. i know what's there and whats not. if I say there's nothing there then there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “You put it there, Fetch.”

fetch: “there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “ Uh huh. /s”

jaynoblade: “he's right. there's nothing there. i just looked”

fetch: “im not ignoring anything there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “Jay, what the fuck”

jaynoblade: “genuinely. i just looked. nothing”

donti (e): “hey hey hHEYyyyy chill”

Jack the Observer: “Is it gone — wait”

fetch: “check for yourself, jack”

[Context: Fetch deleted his edits about the seeds.]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, no i still have it”

fetch: “as i said. there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “I still have it. And i have more pictures if you want to see them.”

donti (e): “... seeds?”

Maxwell: “thats just an image of a previous thing?”

fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”

[donti (e): “... seeds?”]

Jack the Observer: “I’m trying to have Fetch tell you first.”

kateza: “Hi good morning what’s going on?”

Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”

[fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”]

Jack the Observer: “Fetch. You know I don’t lie.”

[Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”]

Jack the Observer: “Haha :)”

fetch: “but you sure as hell spout a lot of bullshit.

now for the last time. There's nothing. there. Fucking drop it.

please.”

Jack the Observer: “And now instead of knight you sound like Max

Crazy”

Maxwell: “what?”

Jack the Observer: ““Oh no, i don’t want to tell them, please i just want to suffer by myself and not accept any help even though I clearly need it, no everyone else is busy, everyone else is stressed, they can’t know please don’t tell them”

That’s what you sound like

And that’s what Fetch sounds like too”

fetch: “you better watch your fuckin mouth, pal.”

Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”

Maxwell: “....”

[Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”]

Jack the Observer: “I’m not angry, I’m amused. And I’ll admit, slightly frustrated. What is up with these people and their self esteem issues.”

fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”

Maxwell: “.....fuck off”

Jack the Observer: “If you don’t tell them within the hour ill see you in #img”

[fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, so you don’t exist when Knight is out? Shut the fuck up”

Maxwell: “i....”

Jack the Observer: “I’m glad you’re not all acting so goody goody and nice talking me anymore. This is refreshing.”

[People tell Jack and Fetch to stop arguing with each other. That just solved nothing and there’s no time to waste]

fetch: “i don't have the energy to fight anymore. there's nothing in the doc, whatever you have is edited bullshit, end of story.”

Jack the Observer: “Okay, we’re just going to ignore someone purposefully endangering their own health then. Sounds good to me /s”

[kateza: “I just woke up, I’m assuming something supposedly happened with the doc, I’m assuming the edit history was checked can we please stop fighting I don’t like this”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something important. I’m being forced to keep imperative information to myself. You can see why I might take issue with this.”

fetch: “i thought you loved keeping information to yourself. that's what an observer does right. he just takes in information and does nothing with it. he doesn't get involved.”

Jack the Observer: “This is different.”

fetch: “of course it is.

just drop it.”

donti (e): “ah.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah it fucking is different, Fetch. We fucking need you on this team. We’re meant to just ignore when you’re hurting? We’re meant to ignore when you’re endangering yourself?”

fetch: “i said. drop it.”

Jack the Observer: “Holy fucking shit not everything is about Syd”

Jack the Observer: “Maybe this is just about you”

fetch: “well maybe I don't want to be paid attention to. i'm not a fucking zoo exhibit. just leave me the fuck alone.”

Jack the Observer: “I don’t know how many times? I have to say this? But if I saw you as nothing more than a “zoo exhibit” i literally wouldn’t care about this at all”

Void: “fetch, people will learn one way or another. please at least take the chance to tell them yourself?”

Jack the Observer: “Clock is ticking”

fetch: “there's nothing to tell. im fucking fine.”

Jack the Observer: “There you go, sounding like Max again”

kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”

Jack the Observer: ““I’m fine I’m fine” you’re clearly not.”

[kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something. Fetch isn’t letting me tell anyone.”

fetch: “well MAYBE I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP.”

donti (e): “HEEEEY HEY

jacks doing what he can”

fetch: “YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU CANT FUCKING HELP ME.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

fetch: “QUIT TRYING.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Jack the Observer: “...

...

that was a bit too loud for me, actually. Ill be in #img in fifty minutes.”

Jack the Observer: “good luck.”

fetch: “fine. i need a nap anyway.”

Maxwell: “......”

[People talk about how important it is to share information, especially with how the situation currently is, and that they’d have to work together if they were ever going to resolve anything about this problem. They then note that if this in-fighting continues, more and more people might be dragged into Crown’s court. But then…]

jaynoblade: “okay, this is somewhat off topic, but.... do we even really know who crown is? because we thought he was ranboo in enderwalk, but then in that one ask he implied that he isn’t”

Maxwell: “hes something else then....”

Maxwell: “uh small problem”

donti (e): “prince read the backlog.”

[This refers to the conversation that had been simultaneously going on in #general2.]

A random Spark: “I know...which means Prince probably now knows the deal with the three court members and why they're gone”

kateza: “which means we'll be having another mind wipe probably :/”

LLyr: “D:”

Maxwell: “OH NO OH NO OH NO”

Maxwell: “i...”

donti (e): “if we had explained it fae would be wiped and then we'd be in trouble.”

Maxwell: “can we tell faem? fae already know....”

Maxwell: “he only brought up me and fetch....should we tell him about marcus?”

donti (e): “... maybe?”

A random Spark: “It's a good idea to.”

LLyr: “if the dam has already broken, i dont see a reason to keep it hidden. maybe ask marcus what he thinks about it?”

Maxwell: “i wanna say his name...”

donti (e): “you already namedropped him,

go for it

he might as well get the facts.”

kateza: “i don't like this

i don't like where this is going”

Maxwell: “jack what did you put in images”

Jack the Observer: “What i promised i would.”

donti (e): “fetches entry.”

Maxwell: “hes..oh god”

Maxwell: “i messed up i messed up i messed up--”

kateza: “no no no

you tried to help max. you did what you thought was right and even if it didn't have the outcome you want you tried to do what was right and that's good of you”

Maxwell: “i made it worse no no no no”

Jack the Observer: “You calm down too.

Panicking isn’t going to help prince.

It’s fine. Let faem remember.”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:fetch #if the crown fits

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cruddyborderlandstheories · 5 years

Text

im supposed to be working on uh literally anything else but instead i gotta get this outta my brain

tl;dr: slag is causing the Psychos to spread across the galaxy bc the Calypsos are using it to both brainwash their cultists and give them ‘special powers’. i mean, its not just slag, it’s eridian ruins/tech, too, but the Twins are utilizing slag the most. which explains the slagfalls and also the processed eridium everywhere still. im hoping sirens will help us cure this- starting with Krieg because slag/Psychos have some sort of connection to the other dimension, just like Sirens, but more messy. also this insanity from the slag/Psycho-ness is literally Mayhem and us fans are taking part in it- we’re the cult irl. plus, this game is gonna be about love and the relationships we have with the people we care about and that’s all the roses mean because i’m feeling s o f t tonight. tomorning. whatever maaaaan

“… among their fractured ramblings, it is tempting to try and find a deeper meaning…”

“[their madness] defies attempts at explanation or containment. from an isolated region of a single planet, to a nearby moon, to systems throughout every human colony, madness is catching…”

you can’t tell me this isn’t just BEGGING for us to figure it out

so, for my own sake:

i have a theory.

i kinda sorta hinted at this with my destroyer theory but i REALLY wanna go all out in this because i think this is actually something to think about… mostly because ive seen A Scene… and i wants to talk about it, vh. i wants it

now im gonna `lol` ignore everything about my lost legion eternal theory and start entirely from scratch. it’s also 1am here for my apologies if this comes across as incoherent because wow i should be asleep but fuck it i got research to do

so it all starts with psychos. i mean i guess it does. it’s gotta right? i brought in pictures it must

anyway

the guide admits that the first psychos came from Dahl’s prison colonies

the ones abandoned on pandora, now ive kinda talked about this b4 but imma talk about it again bc uhhh fuck it? why not.

so we know a lot of the bandits left on Pandora mutated because of the eridian ruins/the key. this is referenced mostly in sledge’s mine

its like world-wise called headstone mine but i never remember that. SLEDGE’S MINE

notice that line “most went crazy and many were physically mutated as well”

so i think it’s safe to say whatever they found in there started causing psychos to appear on pandora

im saying that i think eridians are the cause of Psychos across the galaxy

i have a lot more proof for this so please sit back and enjoy the ride because i think its really really cool

so lets look at hector’s logs from the newest dlc

“one of my boys found a shiny alien trinket”

“a few boys went rabid already, had to put them down”

now idk if there’s a connection here, but it’s interesting that both times, people who found these eridian artifacts started going crazy soon after

shit i mean even tannis begins to go off the wall after her and her dig team start investigating the eridian sites. although if that is because of the horrific incidents that befell her and her team or the ruins idk for certain. i’d bet its the shitty incidents tho

there’s more to this, hang on…

alright, so, lab rats? they’re pretty cool right?

we all like lab rats! personally, chase is my favorite, but adam is hilarious. that final season, huh? pretty wicked… wasn’t really a fan of the island setting but you know what, to each their own. it’s cool they actually progressed the show instead of staying stagnant. that got my respect even if it moved in a direction that wasn’t my cup of tea.

anyway Q U O T E S:

“Hyperion opened my eyes. i didn’t want it!”

“needles in my eyes!”

“don’t you look at me!”

“i can see! i don’t want to see!”

so there’s obviously something ~fucky~ going on with the lab rats and whatever it is they can see from the hyperion experimentation. we know hyperion had a hard-on for slag experimentation and you know i wouldn’t even be shocked if they were injecting these rats’ eyes with slag.

the best part is their reactions when they’re phaselocked. Unlike most enemies, the lab rats will only react to maya’s action skill, and none of the other VHs.

vs something like a marauder:

who has all these voice lines for Zer0, Axton, Sal (merc), AND Maya

the lab rats will only ever respond to being phaselocked.

and what do they say?

“i see the universe!”

“i see infinity!”

“it’s beautiful!”

(now weirdly enough i was told on the tv tropes for bl2 that the lab rats will say “I see it more!” when phaselocked by maya, but i couldn’t find a source for that. couldn’t even find it in the files i extracted from the game. i checked an online video just to double check because you know, my extraction could’ve been off, but it wasn’t there, either. even phaselocked one a bunch as maya and i couldn’t get it to proc. so, idk where that info came from, if someone could give a source/proof that would be awesomesauce.)

sooo what do other enemies say when phaselocked? usually… they just see blue. so nothing quite as interesting as infinity.

so wtf is up here?

im thinking the experiments hyperion performed on the lab rats are letting them see the dimension maya locks them in. i mean, tbh, i think they can see into that dimension whenever they open their eyes, but maybe maya’s phaselock makes sense of it for them. because they seem to be in indescribable agony outside of it

but the lab rats aren’t the only enemies that only react to being phaselocked

turns out the psychos only react to phaselocking, too

they also have some fun lines:

“I can see forever!”

“I’m home!”

“I’m inside… I’M INSIDE ME!”

with some other nonsense thrown in for fun

so idk, just taking a look at this, it’s clear the psychos and lab rats are seeing something that the other bandits just aren’t seeing. most reactions are demands to be released or that they’re flying, or just straight up confusion as to what’s happening.

is that the side effect of their exposure to slag/eridian tech? yeah, imma bet on it. their mind machines probably broke because they saw something they weren’t supposed to (possibly into the other dimension. the one maya phaselocks them in) without proper ‘protection’ and thus went batshit. like maybe sirens are protected from the craziness of the other dimension because they’re ‘chosen’ or whatever. iunno.

i do think it’s most interesting that the psychos seem familiar with whatever they’re seeing, calling it ‘home’ and well… themselves.

so why in the fuck am i talking about all this? because i think it ties straight into bl3.

let’s bring back lab rats and their experiments

you know how hyperion was supposedly injecting their eyes with slag? and it caused them to shoot those weird blue lasers out?

what happens to the destroyer’s eye in tps?

yeah we inject this bad boy with slag

“i only juice the eye with a little bit of slag at a time”

which ends up causing a singularity around the eye the second time you do it

“if this slag stuff is powering the laser, we need to force as much of it as we can back into the eye. the increased power will trip a failsafe and let us shut everything down”

oh, increased power? you mean like how Sirens get increased power from absorbing eridium? that kind of increased power?

we know in bl1 the Destroyer seemed to have something like slag in it- those glowing pockets on the tentacles that explode into purple goo

even its attacks are like purple liquid. which, you know… would be quite similar to slag (tho tbf, these attacks actually hurt instead of applying the debuff)

and boy does the destroyer not like it

“warning. space-time instability detected.” after injecting the eye with too much slag. but… why? it got too powerful? are its powers directly connected to the other dimension and by increasing it’s strength a bunch we created some sorta link between our dimension and the other one?

i mean given the other dimension allows for teleportation and shit, im not surprised there’s a space-time instability!

i mean we’ve all seen it do the eye laser thing, and the tentacles, and the purple goop. but causing space-time instabilities… that’s new isn’t it? kinda like how Sirens get new powers after they absorb a bunch of eridium???

so i wanna take a guess as to what the destroyer is

we know its ‘immortal in its own realm’ but when it’s taken an actual body that we can kill it, so odds are, it never actually died in bl1 OR tps. i imagine the Destroyer we see in bl1 is just a small fragment of it, and that it’s consciousness can be spread out across hosts. *EDIT: actually the lovely @automata-systemata-hydromata reminded me that you can find the destroyers brain in Helios. The other stuff I left in should be fine tho I thiiiink (thank you!).

and that, y’know, is cool and all, but what IS it??

Jack uses slag to give it a power boost, but it doesn’t seem to be happy about it when it happens. in fact, it even seems scared.

to be honest, all we know is that the eridians locked it away for some reason

idk im just spitballing here, but what if the Eridians were the creators of the destroyer? not intentionally, or maybe it was the result of one hell of a slag experiment/exposure to the other dimension/eridian tech, but we’ve seen what slag/exposure to eridian stuff does to humans… makes them go crazy, makes them start mutating. i mean, look at badass psychos. look at goliaths.

i mean shit even think about bloodwing. she goes wild, attacking the VHs and not listening to mordecai’s instructions despite their bond

she grows to a huge size and gains a whole shitload of new powers she didn’t have before. including fucking fire breath (which we’ve seen in burning psychos)

you know these dudes

i go into all this eridium/slag mutation stuff in SO much more detail in this post here, so if you’re interested in mutations, read this!

so what if the destroyer is just one HELL of a mutated eridian/alien and it plus all the eridium was locked away forever in the other dimension to keep this from ever happening again? because god, i wouldn’t want that to ever happen again, either, and i guess locking away the eridium (you know the stuff used in all these hyperion experiments) would be their best bet at ensuring it. also maybe just… locking away anything with eridium for that long probably isn’t the best idea… maybe that’s why it’s all tentacles and death. maybe they just locked someone away in a Vault as a prison and then leaving them with all that eridium caused them to mutate wildly out of control. kinda like the FEV.

i mean we know ‘slagged psychos’ look like this

i wouldn’t be surprised if we gave them enough slag/time they’d end up mutating even worse. and the destroyer was left in the vault for hundreds of years.

so wtf is the connection here with Sirens? there’s gotta be one, right??? is slag experimentation the first rung on the ladder of volatile science to achieving siren-hood? like you’d have slag/eridium experiments/mutations -> the lost legion eternal -> actual Sirens. maybe if sirens take in too much eridium they become something like the destroyer. now that’s fucked up to think about.

maybe it’s better the twins took lilith’s powers away from her…

oh, speaking of mutations and burning psychos and hyperion experiments, you know what we haven’t talked about yet?

Krieg.

let’s talk a whole lot about Krieg, because he is super important

krieg is important for a lot of reasons.

u know what his teaser trailer was named?

yeah i don’t think that’s coincidence one bit

ahhh Mayhem.

“deep beneath pandora, an experiment has escaped”

we know krieg is a hyperion test subject, dr samuels confirms this (and apparently contracts insanity as well at the end of the Crawmerax DLC)

also we know some other tests going on at the WEP from the quest Doctor’s Orders:

“this vault key didn’t make eridium come outta the ground for nothing, right?”

and there’s this one very very very interesting line by Tannis at the end of the quest:

“the spread of slag poisoning” yeah call it that DUMB name tannis, im gonna call it what all the kool kids are calling it: ~Mayhem~

so… Krieg.

what’s so special about him?

well… he gives us insight into what the hell is actually going on inside the heads of some psychos.

so idk about you guys but i always took this as a poke at Maya and Krieg, but i realize now that this is talking literally just about Krieg. it’s about his body holding both sides of himself.

krieg does appear to be like lucid behind the psycho controlling his body, which, idk about you guys, but for me that plants some pretty horrible mental images of all the psychos in-game who probably have similarly exasperated people behind them who are getting murdered because they can’t control themselves anymore.

and idk i wrote this whole post about how maybe the slag experimentation is turning people into hosts for the destroyer’s consciousness and that could explain all the wacked up psychos and shit. but tbh im not gonna talk about that today

just about slag experimentation/eridium exposure. we know what it ACTUALLY does and that’s mutate the hell out of things and cause insanity.

Krieg is like… the poster child for slag experimentation/eridium exposure

soooo why does slag experimentation make people go insane? could be any number of reasons, but tbh i would bet it has to do with that other dimension somehow. because eridium isn’t a normal ‘our dimension’ element. it came out of a vault. from a different dimension. and who knows the long-term effects of that shit.

i personally had a theory that the 4th dimension had something to do with time and that only Sirens are able to harness this power, but then i have no idea how to explain angel and amara’s powers through that lense, so eh. fuck it. just seeing an upper dimension would make you go crazy anyway, so let’s not bring any time shit into this because that’s just asking for trouble.

either way

i think that sirens are able to make sense of that other dimension. they have some sort of command of it/some sort of tie to it that allows them to not go crazy the instant they interact with it, unlike psychos. unlike lab rats. unlike Krieg. it’s like… eridium is our window into this other dimension or some shit and Sirens are (literally) able to process it, while it just fucks over anyone else who tries to interact. ~kachow i just introduced parallels~

and tbh i think we’re going to use Sirens to help cure this plague of insanity going around the universe. probably starting with Krieg. i mean, the only time he’s able to get even an iota of control is when he sees Maya. “Turn around pretty lady!!” like… that’s HUGE for him. and Maya’s a Siren. im not saying the power of love isn’t strong… but maybe the power of Sirens is stronger. i’d love if tannis helped us out with that. maya, too, if she really did learn more about sirens on athenas.

this all ties into borderlands 3 for 2 reasons:

1. Mayhem being both the tagline for this game and Krieg the Psycho’s DLC pack is not a coincidence

2. The calypso twins are going to be using slag to both brainwash people into becoming cultists and give them special powers

`breaks fingers` this is the real meat of this theory, all that other stuff was just getting you READY for this

let’s put the Mayhem stuff off to the side for a second and just focus on the Calypso twins.

We know they’re promising their cultists special powers and free brainwashes (lol)

we’ve seen that one concept art from the museum of mayhem with the giant slag pool

we know enemies are STILL dropping refined Eridium even though it seems like all manufacturers have stopped creating slag weaponry

and we’ve seen the slag falls in a bl3 promo material already

oh yes

okay so i said right at the very beginning of this document that i’ve seen A Scene that i wanna talk about and oh baby this is it

This Scene right here

look in the very back there

look familiar???

~it shooouuuuullld~

yeah this is it!!!

so what i think is going down: anyone who’s not already insane is sorta ‘baptized’ as their entrance into this cult in the big ol slagfall. maybe the twins have a way to induce slagged cultists so they can have elemental affinities. not sure about that.

regardless

the twins are using slag to drive people insane (turning them into psychos) as a form of brainwashing to force people to join their cult.

so that’s the special powers and the free brainwashing and the slagfalls down.

let’s talk about why exactly we’re seeing enemies drop bars of refined eridium even though hyperion stopped making them. because the twins are making it!! it makes sense why there’s no slag guns still, even if it still exists in-universe: of course no manufacturer is going to contact an insane bandit cult just to get their hands on slag for their guns.

there was a 7 year dry spell of eridium production so there was no slag to go around, so companies started phasing it out of their guns and replacing it with nuclear.

but the twins have recently started production again. they’re obviously not using it in their guns, or selling it to other manufacturers. so wtf are they using it for? it’s gotta be important, it’s holy holy holy.

special powers and brainwashing!

and the refined eridium is back in circulation, so enemies are still dropping it. see? solution acquired.

as for psycho-ness spreading across the universe? it makes sense. not only are the twins using their slag to brainwash people and turn them into psycho cultists, but people are also being mutated by the eridian ruins/vault keys/vaults on the other planets and being driven insane. This craziness is quite literally Mayhem.

Mayhem is coming, indeed!

now let us talk about what the fucccck gearbox is doing with all that Mayhem stuff in the trailers and shit.

sooo WE are the cult surrounding this game. as the fan base.

do u think it was coincidence that they made ‘ECHOnet’ Streamers the leaders of their big bad cult and then also immediately introduced, in real life, the Twitch ECHOcast extension and invited a bunch of streamers to play their demo? they knew exactly what they were doing. Giving away a free cultist psycho mask to everyone who preorders a console copy of the game? that’s intentional. everyone who preorders the game gets a ‘gold weapon skin pack’? yeah! you know what gold weapons represent in-universe? higher standing in the cult!! gearbox is making commentary on how we are all just like the cultists!

AND THEY ARE TOTALLY RIGHT

all the trailers having something to do with Mayhem? ‘Mask of Mayhem’ ‘Mural of Mayhem’ ‘We are Mayhem’ ‘Mayhem is coming’. We’re all insane cultists because we’re all absolutely fucking rabid for this game and they KNOW IT.

…

oh also we’re all in love with each other lmao.

in all seriousness, i think the game is going to focus a lot on the relationships we have with the people we care about- our found family, our romantic interests, our friendships- and that’s being expressed through the roses.

i think that’s why all the characters are shown in the roses on the cover art. why the roses are so prominent in the So Happy Together trailer. why Zane is sitting at a bar with a rose between himself and his clone (as a joke, but still, it’s the intent).

red roses are, like, the most obvious way to show your affection to someone. and we know the bl3 Vault Hunters are going to find family in each other in this game. that we’re going to watch the calypso twins’ relationship become warped as the game goes on. hell, we’re probably even going to have a whole plot about tina and mordy (and talon) and brick being a small family together, and maya and ava being one as well. plus ellie and vaughn have gotten together since commander lilith. shit, guys, even claptrap is building himself a girlfriend.

this game’s about love, guys.

anyway i have been working on this since 1:30am. it’s currently 6:06am. i am very tired and very wired and those never mesh well. im gonna go eat some motherfuckin pizza.

edit: i missed the obvious connection the first time around: of course we’re going to cure Krieg, he loves Maya. and this game is all about love.

that and/or one or both of them die and gearbox hurts us right in the softest parts of our hearts.

edit 2: also yeah at some point in the near future im writing that Hyperion-Twins theory because as much as i love Atlas, i have ~seen some things~

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #the calypso twins #krieg #im so sorry this is like 1 billion pages #but i really had fun with it #i worked on this for a very very long time so i hope its coherent enough #i sorta just go on tangents and always repeat myself when i've said similar stuff in previous posts and i feel bad #but also i can't always put in EVERY single detail when im spending 5+ hours on a post just typing all this up anyway #so instead i reference old posts #but i feel like a dumb game of telephone #anyway #im very tired #it's time for pizza

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

Text

|BRAVADO|HOSEOK (M)| AU

EX IDOL ...TRANSITIONING TO SOLO K ARTIST (NOT BTS)

A/N: I had taken the sneak peek for part 1 down and swapped it out for the BACKSTORY ...but you guys asked for it..also it’s like completely reworked lol. This is 2.7K the full thing will prob be around around 10k…storyline heavy since it’s the first chapter but there will be a good amount of smut!

I’d suggest reading the backstory..at least after this so you have a better Idea..as this is a AU for multiple reasons….BUT you don’t HAVE to read it to get the gist.

PLEASE NOTE: THE WAY I’M WRITING HOSEOK’S FEELINGS ABOUT BEING A IDOL IS NOT HOW I THINK HE FEELS...IT’S REFERENCED HERE..AND WILL BE REFERENCED IN DETAIL DURING THE STORY. BUT THE GROUP HE WAS IN..THE CONTRACT AS EXTREMELY STRICT EVEN FOR KPOP. THE GROUP MUSICALLY OR CONCEPT WISE WAS NOTHING LIKE BTS SO PLEASE DON’T READ INTO THIS TOO DEEP !

Lol it’s just a story!! !

-The OC is tatted...but that’s as far as it get physically also her name in this is actually a nickname/business name sooo she’s still “Y/N”

Glancing up at all the lights throughout the city, just silently observing the way the sun was starting to set, taking in the different color waves that dusted the sky.There was this...array of calmness that had washed over Hoseok's body as of late, and he couldn’t even tell you where it came from. To be real, you'd think he’d be a total wreck considering he was in the final stages of finishing his debut album. A Week from today to be exact, in one week he’s due to sit in front of his label and play them the finished product. Once that album get’s the labels stamp of approval..that's when it all starts, picking the single, finding dancers and a choreographer..shooting the music video, and album cover art. Oh let’s not forget the endless traveling to promote the single as well as multiple live performances. While hopefully finding a couple hours a to eat and sleep. The funny thing is, no matter how utterly exhausting that all sounds, especially because for the first time in his career he’d have to do it alone. Hoseok still felt good, damn good,confident, happy, genuinely happy, the butterflies that roamed through his body as he anxiously awaited the start of his new journey felt more exhilarating than anything else. For the first time in years he was looking forward to the idea of stepping into the “Unknown” excited to grow and mature within in craft. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not sitting here saying the ride so fars been nothing but rainbows and butterflies. He did damn near have a mental breakdown last night while in the studio with Gray and Yoongi, over the production of a song. Let’s just say it was pushing 1AM, and Hoseok had a little too much coffee..mixed in with a little too less sleep...and for some reason the 808 just didn't sound right. But of course..after finally getting a good oh I don't know 10 hours of sleep, waking up to a voice memo from Gray... ultimately the 808 actually did sound right! To be fair it always did, he was just stressed and trippin’ a little ,but that was normal, that was expected this is his first solo project , his baby if you will.

“Our sunshine” that’s what his fans called him, no matter what mood you were in, if Hoseok smiled at you...your body responded on command. There was no way around it, and the energy and pure bliss that radiated from his body as of late reflected that nickname to the tee. I’m not implying he was completely miserable during his career as an Idol because he honestly wasn't. Hobi loved his members, fans, and will be forever grateful for the life and memories they’ve given him. But, Idol life at least under the contract he signed...wasn't meant for a free spirit like Jung Hoseok, and this mini hiatus he’s been on since the groups disbandment, has shown him that first hand.

As he continued gazing out the window of the tinted SUV that was currently sandwiched in LA traffic he didn't even realizing the permanent smile engraved on his cheeks the entire car ride. One earpod in, currently playing a couple rough cuts of the songs he'd just finished last night as he just people watched. Loving the different cultures and personalities that danced along the streets of LA, the city of dreamers...always feeling at home no matter what part of California he was in. Moments like these were still felt new to him, the freedom he now felt being able to not be paranoid if he went to events solo. Or if he wanted to go out to a bar and have a couple drinks with friends..no matter the gender. Finally able to run his own social media accounts and post whatever he wanted….if he felt like posting a picture of him in a towel after the gym then he could. If he wanted to post a picture of him and a girl out at dinner….he could, now if we're being real here..the majority of his fanbase is still women so he’s not in any rush to settle down and spam his socials with a girlfriend. Nor does he even have time to entertain someone full time, but it’s just the principle,if he wanted too he could...and that’s something he hasn't been able to do since he was shit,18. His new contract for the most part was solely business related, it held no stipulations on his personal life. Smiling fondly at the growing line of fans that started streaming down the sidewalk, the event itself didn't even start for damn near a hour and a half yet fans were already posted outside.

Tonight was Jay Park’s album release at “The Novo” in Downtown LA, the event itself was a showcase and a album release party all in one, this particular event wasn't for the fans though. They were just all outside patiently waiting to show their love and support while of course also hoping to get glimpses of some of their favorite artist, as well as Mr. Park himself. The idea behind the showcase was more so for industry reps to get a first listen at the album: Radio personalities, music critics ,bloggers and of course Jay’s friends and family. Hints why Hoseok was invited, even during his boyband days the two of them were close, bonding over there love for hip hop and dance.He often refers to him as his “Little big brother” since even though Park is almost 8 years older..Hoseok is almost 4 inches taller,and there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't remind him of that. The two of them were a lot closer than the public actually knew, Park starting out in a boyband himself later transitioning into becoming the founder of his own label. Partially because he wanted to give other Korean artist who didn't fit in that “Idol box” full reigns and creative freedom over there craft, Jay understood Hoseok’s concerns and struggles first hand.

Currently headed not even a mile up the road to “The Ritz-Carlton”, which is where Jay was staying while he got ready for his party.Feeling the car come to a complete stop,taking that as a hint that they had arrived, pulling down the mirror to give himself a one over, before stepping out of the car. His dark wavy locks messily pushed out of his face, skin holding a warm glow due to being in LA for the past 2 weeks. Minimum makeup on, let’s be real when your going to a papped event ...all celebrities no matter who you are have something vailing over there skin. The last thing you need is the full exposure on a camera zoning in on every pour on your face, it just wasn't a full blown smokey eye. Letting his eyes trace down his face, gazing over the small silver hoop that sat in his nose, all the way to the ink the laced along the side of his neck. He felt good, he felt like him...not even trying to hide the smirk that danced along his lips as he glanced back at this reflection “Sir is this entrance okay?” The sound of the drivers voice snapped Hoseok out of his moment of vanity “Oh yeah, well, actually let me make a quick phone call first just to double check.” Tilting his head up to smile at the driver through the partition before scrolling through his text messages quickly looking for the one labeled “Mariah-JP” . Clicking the call button, placing it on speaker as he could tell his pods were dying, and he swore it didn't even fully ring once before she picked up “ PLEASE, tell me your here!?” The level of frustration and desperation in her voice shouldn't have been as amusing as it was,impulsively snorting out the ugliest cackle , not even able to imagine what her days been like. “Shit, I’m sorry I didn't mean to laugh but...wow...ugh yeah, I’m getting dropped off at the main valet entrance is that cool?” Wanting to make sure she wasn't it by any other door as he’d rather get dropped off than make her chase him around “Yes that’s perfect just hurrrryy!!!” Even the driver couldn’t help but chuckle at how frazzled she seemed. Quickly apologizing for the break in character not wanting to seem unprofessional in which Hoseok waved off, not minding one bit, the call was on speaker and it was honestly hilarious. Almost reaching over to open the door himself before he heard the drivers side door open, still a task he felt unnecessary..I mean..come on...he could open his damn door. But not wanting to offend the driver or interfere with him doing his job...he waited patiently for him to open his door.

Hopping out of the car swiftly, turning around to grab the small black David Yurman bag off the seat, as well as to double check that nothing fell out of his pockets as he wouldn’t be riding to the party with the driver. Part of the reason he was meeting Jay here first is because he received a text in regards to a mandatory pre-game session before hand. In addition to the fact that Park wanted his entourage of friends to arrive with im to walk his “black carpet”

Gazing up at this beautiful 54 story glass structure that sat in front of him.. instantly bringing back memories of the boys last world tour, were they sold 2 nights at the Rose Bowl. It was crazy how his heart started fluttering all over again just at the thought of it..the biggest grin stretching across his cheeks. To anyone else just walking by, hell even the driver he probably looked fucking insane but he didn't care, that memory too vivid, too pure..to be held in regardless of the circumstances. Eyes starting to tear up at the pictures he was starting to paint in his head, he swore he could literally still here the fanchants clear as day ..damn near a year later..

Snapping himself out of that memory before it got too deep, and his makeup got ruined..because if he would’ve sat in that moment any longer he would have started balling his eyes out! He felt the driver simply just pat his shoulder... It was the sweetest thing ever the way he just stood there, not asking any questions, not exactly sure what just happened that caused the sudden shift in Hoseok's mood. But he just let him have his space, not in any rush to leave, and even if Hoseok didn't physically say anything about it, he picked up on the gesture immediately, something so small, meant so much.It wasn’t required for him to give a damn, all he was instructed to do was drive...yet he could tell this young man needed a little more than that right now...even it was subtle.

“Thanks man I appreciate it” There was this sense of warmth that laced through Hoseok's voice as he spoke, a slight tremble knocking at his usual collected tone because he meant that phrase in more ways than one. Extending his hand to the drivers for what he assumed was just a handshake instead Hoseok slid a tip in his hand before smiling up at the gentleman fondly.

“The pleasures all mine, I hope you enjoy your night!” The warmth was returned graciously before he made his way over to the drivers side to pull off. Of course the driver didn't actually open his hand and look at the amount until he got in the car but let’s just say he was pleasantly surprised.

It didn't take long for Mariah to spot him...not that he was hard to miss in his leather embellished Gucci jacket. Damn near pushing past the doormen to hold the door open for Hoseok, who previously started walking towards the door extremely slow, with a shit eating grin on his face. “Don’t make me hurt you! Get your ass over here!!!” flailing her arms in the air as egged him closer, pulling her in for a quick hug because she damn sure looked like she needed one, in addition to a whole lotta liquor! Standing there in her cute pink little bodycon dress and Louboutins, hair pin straight, parted down the middle draping down her back.“Thank God...this man has been asking about you all damn day!” Sighing into Hoseok's chest as she spoke , her tone shifting immediately, soothing out while in his embrace. Hoseok’s known Jay for almost 5 years and Mariah's been Park’s assistant since he started his label in 2013, so naturally the two of them had become friends as well! A snort left Hoseok's lips as he shook his head not even surprised. Again that was his “Little big brother” after all….

“Offff course he has..” a slight air of sarcasm cracked along his lips as he tried to fight back the smile tugging at his cheeks. Secretly loving the fact that one of his closest friends genuinely just wanted him around, as friendship was something Hoseok held dear to his heart! Following Mariah’s lead through the lobby, grand wasn't even the right word to describe this hotel, the sound of Mariah’s heels clicking along the marble, as she lead them towards the elevator.”So on a scale of 1-10 how ready are you to quit today?” Brow arched at the implied question, as the door opened and she damn near slumped against the glass upon entering. But before she even had time to respond a ringtone comparable to the grim reaper cut through the air causing a loud cackle to erupt from Hosokes chest.

“Oh my God, please tell me that’s not Jay’s ringtone!?” Mariah couldn't even help the exasperated sigh that left her lips as she put the phone call on speaker. Not even waiting for her to say “Hello” before he spoke into the phone

“Have you-”

“Dude stop whining like a little bitch!” playfully sliding his tongue through his teeth as he teased Jay through the speaker. Waiting for him to recognize Hoseok's voice through the phone...

“Well it’s about time your punk ass got here! And who are you calling a bitch! It’s Jay hyung to you motherfucker” This was their relationship 24/7 they gave each other shit on a consistent basis, if you actually didn't know how close they were you'd probably think the hated each other. Park brought out a different side to Hoseok and he loved it, growing up in Korea, and growing up in the states is a complete 360! Even if your parents were extremely strict and “traditional” if you will. Naturally growing up in a integrated area...your character traits adapt to the people your around. So with the two of them technically being Korean -American there wasn’t a barrier within there “vulgar, or “crude” sense of humor. There were things he could do or say around him that Hoseok wouldn't dare say around most of his Idol friends just due to the culture difference. Dramatically rolling his eyes at the sound of Jay asking for him to be called “Hyung” as he already knew he only said it to be a smart ass .

Hoseok could hear another voice in the background that he didn't recognize but it was clear it was a woman and from the sound of things she busting his balls which made Hoseok happy to no end. “Alright, man will be up there in a minute, were literally in the elevator just stop your crying for 2 seconds little big brouthers coming!” Not even waiting for him to respond before he clicked end on Mariah's phone already well aware he’d have some smartass comeback.The sound of the bell dining rang through the small space, as the glass doors slowly parted...exposing the cherry stained wood walls.

Hoseok’s curiousity getting the best of him “Who's in the room with him right now?” Glancing over his shoulder as they swiftly moved through the sea of people..walking through the halls, a amused smirked moved up her face at the question “That would be Rain….” there was a certain twang to her voice as she said your name only making Hoseok even more curious as the approached the room.

Peeping her head through the door after swiping the keycard to make sure he wasn't walking around balls to the wind, and the minute the door cracked open, exposing the extremely spacious executive suite the two of them could hear the the endless banter that was currently taking place. “Yeah, I’m sure they are comfortable you look like your about to take your kid to soccer practice Janice. Where the fuck’s you minivan!?” Brow arched, tone slightly elevated at the implied question, after a good oh I don't know 10 minute discussion as to why Jay was NOT wearing those particular pair of jeans with his custom jack for his performance tonight. More importantly..he hadn't even started getting ready for the night at all, as he had a rack to his left with four options to walk the carpet in because he couldn't narrow it down prior too.

“Fuck off it’s a durango not a minivan! Anddddd you could always like, I don't know sew some leather patches here ...and oh here..” Eyes almost bugging out of your sockets not even believing he was legitimately standing in the bathroom trying to get you to alter a random ass pair of jeans that looked like they’d be rejected from Goodwill...a hour before his party.

“Are you- did you- Park!” The growl accompanied in the way you said his name made his entire face crumble into it self as he laughed which let you know he was just busting your balls at this point. “Okay you know what..I’m gonna kick your ass, and take those before I burn them, I swear to god!” Huffing out in frustration as you ran your fingers rough your scalp, taking a firm grip on your roots as you held your hair in place. Eyes fluttering over to your left following the footsteps that entered the room only for you to meet the gentleman who standing parallel to you. A smirk glossed over your lips as you acknowledged the way his eyes shameless took you in from head to toe. Your gaze almost somewhat encouraging him to continue as to be fair….you were doing the same thing to him. I guess you could lie and say it was the inner stylist in you that made you give everyone you meet a one over which is the honest truth. But if were being real, that didn't have a damn thing to with my your eyes were flicking from his lips over to his disgustingly chiseled jawline. More importantly, why did this man look so familiar..you knew him from somewhere you just..couldn't quite put your finger on it...

You watched the way his eyes admired the sinful manner in which your black leather Moschino mini dress clung to every curve on your body..more importantly the way the entire piece was held together by one single zipper than ran down the center of the dress.Letting his eyes drift over to the extremely sexy contrast of the full black and white sleeve that started at your shoulder and draped all the way down to your wrist, extending slightly onto the curve of your hand. Or maybe it was the fact that your entire presence didin’t crumble the minute he locked eyes with you. Even at first glance the aura radiating off your body had him intrigued you just looked like you could actually keep up with him, the real him. It was insane the way a good oh I don't know, 30 seconds of eye contact between the two of you said so damn much. I guess the night will tell if he was on to something or if you were just being a little tease..which to be fair you definitely were regardless, but that’s part of the fun right?

That’s all she wrote for the sneak peek...lemme know what ya think and if your excited for the full thing which is halfway done actually thank the lordt! lol

Love you guys as always,

Rocki

#hoseok #hoseok smut #hoseok au #jhope smut #jhope #jhope au #bts #bts au #bts smut #hoseok one shot #jhope one shot #bts one shot #kpop smut #kpop au #kpop one shot #kpop #jung hoseok #hoseok fanfic #jhope fanfic

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ruskapi · 6 years

Note

Hi! I have to admit i'm completely in love with both of your posts about Sangwoo, and I was kinda wondering what your thoughts are on what his thoughts were when Bum slit his wrist? Obviously we see the aftermath but right as Bum's vision goes blurry we see an almost sad expression on Sangwoo's face, which is strange for him. You can totally ignore this but im very curious as to what you think was going on in his head and how it impacted Sangwoo-

Hello! Sorry for the slow reply, I’ve been on vacation! You arehella sweet, and I appreciate your message!

Just as a note to other readers, my response below draws heavily on the posts referenced by Anon above, particularly this meta about Sangwoo [x].

So, my feeling is that Sangwoo was probably, largely, reliving the terrorof having accidentally killed his mother. In fact, this scene is one of the leading reasons I think he didn’t mean to kill her—that he did it in a blind rage, unintentionally, and has regretted itever since.

When Bum loses consciousness and falls, then fails to respond toSangwoo’s commands to get up, Sangwoo goes down into the basement and gets hisbaseball bat.

The guy is fucking YIKES level pissed off. He didn’t even threaten to beat Bum with the bat again when he ran away. And the reason for this level of rage is probably because blaming Sangwoo for your death is a top-level trigger for Serial Killer!Sangwoo. He thinks Bum is faking unconsciousness to get attention, trying to manipulate Sangwoo emotionally or whatever, and he intendsto make Bum pay for it.

However, when he sees how much blood Bum has lost in the interim,he drops the bat and begins to panic, because that shifts Sangwoo from “How dare you try to make me feel guilty?!” to “Holy fuck, I am guilty.”

We have no idea how many people Sangwoo has killed, but I’m sureit’s enough that he knows what “too much blood loss to recover from” lookslike, and when he recognizes that Bum is getting close to it, his response is absolute horror:

He’s so scared he’s barely even coherent. He scoops the blood upwith his hands, as if he can shove it back inside Bum somehow, saying, “Stop it.Stop bleeding. Make it [the blood] go back!”

Even someone as insane as Sangwoo should understand that’s notgonna fix anything. Neither will apologizing to an unconscious person, so theimplication is that he’s so scared he can’t think rationally.

And I mean, clearly he regrets what he did. He apologizes, whichis not something Sangwoo does often, and certainly not to someone he considersa victim. By this point in the story, he doesn’t consider Bum one of hisvictims anymore. Bum is irreplaceable to him, as someone who loves him despitehis violent tendencies. He also carries him upstairs, where Bum has never been allowedbefore. Like his attempt to apologize with sex later in the bath, this isprobably another gesture of, “Look, I’m sorry I was mean, you can go inthe special room. See? So please, please don’t leave me.”

He bandages him. Then he squeezes the bandages, applying evenmore pressure. He really, really wants to stop the blood. He keeps telling Bum,“Don’t worry, you’re going to be okay,” even though Bum, assuredly, isn’tworried because he’s literally unconscious. Sangwoo is actually saying it inattempt to convince HIMSELF that Bum will be okay.

He’s trying to calm himself down because he’s so scared he can’tthink.

He then proceeds to have a nightmare about his mother, thenabout Bum saying he’s just like his father, which he implies he’s heard before.

So yeah. I think his response to Bum’s slicing his wrist open and almost dying is, basically, “OH MY GOD IDID IT AGAIN,” in the sense of repeating the most traumatizing moment of hislife—when he killed his mother by accident, and effectively deprived himself ofthe only source of love he had.

Because even though he’s crazy, he’s rational enough to understand that even if he weren’t the one who physically killed his loved one this time, if something he said hurt them bad enough to kill themselves, the blame still falls on him.

He feels a lot of regret over his mother, and now it’s transferring to Bum.

He fears that he’s 1) going to lose his loved one yet again, and 2) that hereally is just like his father—someone that can hurt their loved ones so badlythey’d rather be dead than with him.

I love this joke post [x]because it highlights how insanely callous Sangwoo is for eating cake while Bum is unconscious upstairs, but also, the guyis probably eating to try and numb himself out a little bit. Because from whatwe can tell, Bum almost dying was more stressful to him than the possibility of his betraying him, or Sangwoo getting arrested.

He stands up and offers some to Bum as soon as he comes down.

Hemay be totally fucking insane, but I think he loves Bum as much as he’scapable of, and that his whole character arc is ultimately about him wanting toovercome his nightmarish anger problems.

Whether he will succeed or not remainsunknown.

#killing stalking #meta

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kamen-rider-zed · 7 years

Text

Do You Believe in Miracles? Chapter 5

This came a lot quicker than the last chapter. Thanks again to @ageisia for being an excellent beta!

You can find this chapter and my other work posted on my AO3 and my FF!

Chapter 5: Breakdown

Chloé’s alarm sounded from her phone and she blinked herself awake. A swipe of her finger silenced the tone and she slipped from between her silken sheets, ready to greet this glorious day. A day when Vii would finally give her all of her powers. A day when Queen Bee would be recognized as Paris’ (second) greatest heroine. And damn whatever Vii thought: Chloé was telling Sabrina her identity today. All of the girl’s hard work and adoration would finally pay off. Sabrina would get to be besties with a superhero.

She dressed in her finest, most expensive clothes, commanded Vii into her purse along with a sizable stash of pretzels, then rode the elevator to the ground floor. She stepped out and caught a glimpse of her father speaking to someone, who she recognized as a member of her father’s publicity staff.

Andre patted the man on the shoulder and said, “Ensure a considerable sum finds its way into the right hands, Emile.”

“But sir,” Emile started, his shoulders hunched. “This is exactly what D’Agrencourt’s legal team is investigating. Political corruption, bribery. Any excuse to invalidate the last election.”

“Oh, please. Armand’s lawyers are good,” the Mayor said, his smile not faltering once. “Mine are better. He’s hoping I’ll buckle before a show of force, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. Now,” the mayor poked his finger into Emile’s chest, his smile finally dropping away to reveal a grimace of displeasure, “do as I say, or I’ll replace you with someone who will.”

The man slowly nodded and made the appropriate notes on his tablet while Chloé made note of his name and face: there was no way she would go to someone like him when Queen Bee went public. He obviously didn’t know his place.

“Good morning, Daddy!” she called over. The mayor lifted his head and his face immediately brightened. “What was that all about?”

“Ah, Armand D’Argencourt is assembling a team of lawyers to dispute the results of the last election.” He shook his head. “The key is not to bow, not to show any weakness, even if it is perceived that I am in the wrong. People need a strong leader, a confident leader, and I will do whatever it takes to preserve that image.”

Chloé smiled up at her father and turned to walk out of the hotel and to the car awaiting to take her to school. Andre Bourgeois taught her everything she knew about strength and confidence. Never back down. Never break. Never show weakness. Keep people in their place, stomp down anyone who dares to challenge you. And the people loved him for it, just as Chloé’s classmates adored her.

‘ Then why is Marinette class rep and not you?’

Chloé groaned when the voice rose in her mind once more. ‘ Because they got suckered in by Maribrat’s empty promises. Where are Rose’s pink chair cushions? Where are Nino’s music privileges? Where is...whatever Juleka asked for? Marinette talks big, but she can’t follow through.’

Chloé smiled to herself as she eased into the car. ‘ Besides, even if some of them do like Marinette more,’ she reached behind her head and stroked the comb sitting in her ponytail, ‘ the plain and simple fact is that I’m a superhero and she’s not. This is the one thing I’ll always have over her.’

Now on her way to school, she pulled out her phone and thumbed over to the Ladyblog. She just needed to know how many views her interview had. When she finally found the video and her eyes found the number, her jaw fell open.

Almost 1.2 million and climbing.

A scant fifteen hours later and that was the viewer count? Almost double the count on the fight with Shockra and a blessed ten times higher than that first candid picture that totally didn't exist anymore! Chloé's face lit up as she watched the number grow and grow. So many people in Paris absolutely adored her. And the comments! Ooh, the comments!

'QUEN BE IS AMAZIGN!'

'how do her eyes do that? so pretty!'

'#hairgoals'

'im on mobile can someone add that gif of Meryl Streep clapping at the oscars thx'

'Other Miraculous? Can I be a dragonfly so I can fly with her?'

'She's so right! Chat only gets in the way! When will Ladybug see that?'

Overwhelmed with praise, Chloé giggled and vibrated in her seat. Sure, there were a few viewers still skeptical and rather salty minority who referenced the Volpina incident, but they didn’t matter, because soon, Queen Bee would have her grand moment when all of Paris would become ‘bee-lievers’. Normally she would have cringed at the pun, but even she had to admit that was clever. When her limo pulled up in front of the school, Chloé climbed out and flicked her phone away from the interview and to the list she’d made the previous night.

‘ Instead of working on the essay like you were supposed to…’

She ignored the thought and pushed it back down. It would likely take some time before whatever Vii did to her mind would go away. Now, back to the list!

Hero Agenda

Overshadow cat

Win over Ladybug

Follow-up interview with Alya

Rearrange Hawkmoth’s face

Reveal identity to city

Ladybug swoons

Chat jumps off building; doesn’t land on feet

Daddy gives me the key to the city and my own holiday

Rule like the Queen I am

Short, sweet, to the point. A simple plan that assured everyone would love her. Vii fidgeted inside her purse and Chloé dropped her disinterested gaze to it. So long as everyone played their part and knew their place, that is. A gentle sway of her hip was just enough to jostle her purse and let its occupant know to settle down. Her eyes back on her phone and a wicked smile back on her lips, Chloé just knew today would be something special.

“See you after school today, Sabrina! Love you!”

“Bye, Dad! Love you too!”

Chloé’s eyes swept to her left to witness Officer Roger kneel down to hug his daughter and Sabrina peck a light kiss on his cheek. The smile she wore as she ran inside the school building made something pinch in Chloé’s heart. ‘ How long has it been since your father took you to school?’ the voice came again. ‘ How long since he hugged you, openly told you he loved you? When was the last time you said it to him?’

A growl rumbled in Chloé’s chest, easily dispelling the pinch. ‘ He loves me! In...in his own way. He buys me fashionable clothes, he made sure Adrikins and I attend the same school, and besides, he runs the freaking city! I can’t expect him to take time away from his busy schedule just for me!’

“Oh, good morning Miss Bourgeois!” Officer Roger called out.

Chloé sniffed and turned her nose up at the policeman. “Indeed it is a good morning.” She strode towards the steps leading into the building, paused, then turned back to face Officer Roger, about to climb back into his cruiser. “Hey, Sabrina’s supposed to help me with an essay I have due tomorrow. Tell her grandparents she’ll be coming over to my place this afternoon.”

Roger’s face deflated into a dumbfounded look. “Uh, you know she’s always welcome to visit you if you’ll have her, but what do her grandparents have to do with it?”

“Aren’t...aren’t they visiting this week?”

Roger shrugged. “They live down in Marseille, so they usually only visit on holidays. Haven’t seen them since--”

“Wait,” Chloé interrupted. “You mean...they haven’t been in Paris this week?”

“Well, no, they…” His voice trailed off as he watched a ball of hot blonde fury take the stairs two at a time into the school building.

(#)

“All I’m wondering is,” Kim said to the class just as Chloé was walking in, “if I get akumatized again, will I still be Dark Cupid, or do I get a whole new set of powers?”

“Ugh, if I have a say, I vote new powers,” Nino grumbled.

Alya chuckled behind him. “Anything to keep from being the bubble-wielding anarchy clown again?” Nino groaned and slumped down in his seat.

“But it’s a legit question, right?” Kim asked. “Is there a way to test this?”

Max pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, his eyes never leaving the book in front of him. “The only way to test such a hypothesis would be for someone to get akumatized again.”

“Well if that’s all it takes,” Alix chimed in, “then case solved. Ivan was Stoneheart twice.”

“But Ladybug didn’t purify the akuma the first time,” Alya pointed out. “Different butterfly could mean different villain.”

“In any case,” Max said, “I don’t recommend playing with someone’s emotions and unleashing a potentially dangerous threat on the city just for the sake of curiosity.” He paused. “Though if we were, we would have to select our subject very carefully. Non-lethal, so that disqualifies myself and Alix, no brainwashing or mind control which disqualifies Rose, Mr. D’Argencourt, and Kim.”

“Ooh, what about Juleka?” Rose hopped up in her seat. “All she did was give people pretty makeovers!”

“I’d, uh, rather not,” Juleka mumbled, fiddling with her mirrored bracelet.

“Yeah!” Adrien agreed. “High heels are their own form of torture!”

“What about Nathanaël?” Chloé suggested as she slid into her seat. “I mean, how dangerous could stalking Marinette be?” The artist in question, who had been sketching out something, shot up in his seat, clearly offended and angry. “Or maybe Sabrina.” The girl beside her raised a brow at this. “Invisibility is pretty harmless. Besides, I’m sure she’s going to need to disappear for a while.”

At that, Sabrina leaned towards Chloé and angled her head. “What do you mean by that Chloé?”

“I mean you’ll need to be invisible so I don’t find you! ” Sabrina recoiled when Chloé jumped up and turned a furious glare at her seat mate. “You lied to me! You said you couldn’t help me with the essay because your grandparents were visiting, but your dad just told me they’re nowhere near Paris!”

“Ch-Ch-Chloé!” Sabrina cowered down in her seat, her hands raised by her face. “Th-that’s what I was trying to tell you yesterday! Miss Bustier made me promise not to help you! I-I thought if I told you my grand-grand parents were visiting--”

“No, you weren’t thinking at all! How dare you lie to me? Your friend? Your only friend, I should remind you!” Chloé felt an unfamiliar and unwanted shaking rise in her voice and she cleared her throat to disguise it. “Now, after class, you and I are going back to my room and--”

“She’s not your slave, Chloé!” came a familiar, nausea-inducing, challenging voice from behind her. Chloé turned and saw Marinette in the doorway, late as usual. “You claim to be her friend, but all you do is abuse her!”

“Butt out of this, Marinette.” She turned back to Sabrina, still cowering in her seat. “This is between me and the little liar.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you Chloé!” Sabrina attempted to explain.

“Then why did you? If you’d told me Miss Bustier made you promise not to help me, I would have understood.” Chloé planted her hands on her hips. “You still would have helped me, but it would have been better than lying to me! Betraying my trust!”

“Is doing your own homework for once that big of a deal to you?” Marinette demanded.

Chloé’s gut burned and she whirled around again. “I said butt out!”

“Chloé…” Sabrina whimpered.

“Oh, stop your sniveling! I’m sick of hearing it!” Chloé looked down at Sabrina and felt that pinch in her heart again.

‘ Your best friend, cowering before you, before your anger. Is this how a hero would treat her friends?’

As much as Chloé hated that little voice Vii had planted in her mind, it was right. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I’m not without a heart, so just help me put this stupid essay together by tomorrow and all will be forgiven. I’ll even buy you that cute dress you’ve been eyeing at that new boutique.”

“...no…”

Chloé’s eyes blazed as she directed her gaze back at her friend, now standing, her eyes still downcast but a heated determination slowly growing within them.

“What did you say?”

Sabrina swallowed hard and whispered, “I said ‘no’.” She lifted her head and met Chloé’s toxic stare, the fire in her eyes growing. “Miss Bustier made me promise not to help you, and I don't appreciate you trying to...to bribe me. I'm not helping you this ti--”

The sharp crack of skin on skin stilled all movement in the room. Sabrina stood with her head snapped to the right, a redness blooming on her left cheek and tears welling in her widened eyes. Chloé’s palm stung, but it was a small price to pay to remind Sabrina who was in charge in their friendship.

“Allow me to rephrase,” Chloé growled, ignorant to how every eye in the room now regarded her with mixtures of disgust and rage. “You will help me with the essay and that is fina--” A hand with almost too strong of a grip clamped down on her wrist, and yanked her about to face a pair of furious bluebell eyes.

“That’s going too far, Chloé!” Marinette growled.

Chloé tried to pull her hand free from the trash-girl’s grip, but found she couldn’t. Since when was Marinette this strong? “H-how many times do I have to tell you? Stay out of my--”

“No, she’s right, Chloé!” Alya stepped out from her desk and stood next to her friend. “You may not have the healthiest relationship with Sabrina, but you’ve never been physical with her!”

“Hey, she brought it on herself, Césaire! Besides, how--” she tugged against Marinette’s grip “--I treat--” another tug “--my...friends!” She finally freed herself, or perhaps Marinette just let go, and shook her hand, a red mark encircling her arm. “Is none of your business!”

“Friends?” Alya glanced around the room, darkened faces all directed at Chloé. “You make it sound like you have more than one.”

“Of course I do!” Chloé insisted. “Everyone adores me!”

“Alright then, show of hands.” Alya crossed her arms and smirked. “Who here actually likes Chloé?”

Chloé’s eyes scanned the room and she saw everyone either averting their gaze or outright glaring at her. Not a single hand rose. She turned and faced Sabrina, her head and hand down, tears dripping on the desk. Chloé sniffed, trying to ignore the tearing pain in her heart. So what if Sabrina couldn’t see just how reasonable she was being? It wasn’t like she needed the girl.

“Okay, so all you’ve proven is that Little Miss Class Rep has turned everyone against me.” Chloé smiled and shoved between Alya and Chloé. “So long as Adrikins is still on my side I…” She stopped when she saw Adrien’s eyes boring holes into his desk, his hands clenched into fists on it.

“Adriki--”

“Stop, Chloé.” He spoke with so little force in his voice, but his words were far more effective at silencing her than Marinette and Alya’s shouting. “I’ve...I’ve tried to be patient with you for a long time. I’ve tried to believe that you’re still my best friend, that you’re still the girl I grew up with.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “But all you do is hurt people, and I can’t understand why. I can’t understand what happened to you.” He sighed and lifted his eyes to her, eyes full of anger, frustration, and hurt. “I’m sorry, Chloé. Maybe this is partly my fault for not calling you out on it, but I can’t be friends with someone who mistreats people like you do.”

Chloé’s breathing had gotten progressively more labored since Adrien silenced her. Everything was falling apart. First Sabrina lies to her, then the entire class leaves her high and dry for no reason, and now Adrien is talking like they aren’t friends anymore? No, this was supposed to be her day! This was supposed to be Queen Bee’s day! Today was supposed to be perfect!

“W-w-well that’s fine then! I don’t need any of you anyway!” Chloé grabbed her purse and school bag and stalked out the door, trying to forget the tears in Sabrina’s eyes and the look of hurt on Adrien’s face.

‘ How dare they?’ she fumed, the click of her heels echoing through the empty courtyard. ‘ How dare they? They all turn their backs on me? Marinette must have them all brainwashed! And Adrikins! She got to him too? That’s crossing the line! Maybe...maybe Queen Bee should visit her tonight and...no. Ladybug would be furious if I got caught hurting a civilian, even one as worthless as Maritrash. Ohh, I’m just so mad! I need something to punch. Something to hurt. I need an Akuma. I need--’

Something bumped into her and she felt something cold and wet bleed through her shirt. Her eyes cut downward to an ugly streak of brown now staining the pristine white. Her rage bubbled even higher and she lifted her eyes to see another student on the ground. He held a squashed eclair in his hand, more of the chocolate filling smeared across a shirt two sizes too large for his thin and frail form, and his breath quickened when he realized exactly who he’d run into. Chloé was about to scream at him for ruining her favorite shirt when she saw a box next to him adorned with the logo for the Dupain-Cheng Bakery.

‘ Oh, that’s just what I needed right now! To be reminded of Marinette!’

But seeing the box formed a wicked plan in her mind. She raised her foot and brought it crashing down on the box, not caring when more chocolate and cream oozed out over her shoe. The boy looked down at his crushed snacks then up at Chloé, his eyes watering and his lip trembling.

“That...that was my breakfast.”

Chloé turned up her nose in disgust. “Eclairs for breakfast? So unhealthy.”

“Th-the Dupain-Chengs usually give me some leftovers from their morning rush. Sometimes...sometimes it’s all I get to eat during the day…”

“Well next time get them to give you something healthier than these logs of empty calories.” She strode around him and out the school doors. “Really, you should be thanking me.”

Yes, that’s what she needed to cook up. Start with one emotionally vulnerable peasant, sprinkle in a dash of tough love, add one evil butterfly, and you have yourself a recipe for one punching bag.

Best plan ever.

(#)

Worst plan ever.

“Feel my hunger, my children!” the Akuma shrieked, his tongue running over his sharp steel teeth. “Together we will devour this city, and I'll never go hungry again!”

Gluttoneer ( oh my god where does Hawkmoth get these names?) wore a hideous yellow bodysuit and had a set of steel jaws coating most of his face. He dashed through the streets blasting everyone in sight with the clearly possessed pastry box, adding to the starving horde while also taking a bite out of everything he could find: cars, trees, rocks, houses. Every restaurant in the arrondissement had locked their doors, covered every window. Every bakery, every coffee shop, ever pizza parlor…

Queen Bee’s stomach clenched again and she nearly doubled over in pain. In her state, even pizza was starting to sound appetizing. She’d been blasted early on in the fight, jumping in even when Ladybug told her to stay back until they could figure out the Akuma’s powers. But Queen Bee wanted to hurt something. She wanted to take out all of her anger and frustration on this pathetic loser who would be fixed right up after the fight. She groaned and attempted to focus on something, anything other than food. She made another attempt at flying, but her hunger combined with fatigue from the battle that started nearly an hour ago made it impossible to get off the ground. Ladybug landed beside her a second later, one arm wrapped around her middle.

“We need to stop him before he eats half the city!” she shouted.

“We need to stop him before I eat half the city!”

Ladybug turned on her, her eyes flaring. “You know, you wouldn’t be like this if you’d just listened!”

“I told you, I can handle a few--” she grunted and clutched her stomach again “--a few hunger pangs! I needed some stress relief so--”

“So you thought it would be a good idea to take out your anger on an Akuma?” Ladybug grabbed Queen Bee by the shoulder and squeezed a little harder than she likely intended. “There’s still a person in there! We can’t be too violent with them!”

“What does it matter what I do to him? Your magic fixes everything in the end anyway!”

Queen Bee could feel Ladybug’s hand tremble through her suit. The heroine’s eyes went dark, brow furrowed in an uncharacteristic rage. “How... dare…!”

Before Ladybug could utter another word, Chat Noir dropped between the women and pulled them apart. “Hey! I know the hunger is making you two angry, but we need to fight the Akuma, not each other!”

Ladybug cut her eyes to her partner the back to Queen Bee. She sighed and groaned against another twist of her gut. “You...you’re right. We need to focus on the city.” She turned back to Chat. “How are you so level headed? You got blasted right after I did.”

He grinned and winced, likely from his own hunger. “That’s my secret, my Lady. I’m always hangry.”

She chuckled lightly. “I...I understood that reference.”

“If all you two are going to do is flirt with each other,” Queen Bee grumbled, “then I'll handle this myself!” She mustered all the strength we could and forced her wings to lift her off the ground. She rushed towards Glutoneer with her stinger raised, leaving Ladybug’s cries of protest behind her, ready to unleash a flurry of blows against the villain.

Unfortunately, another clench of her stomach forced a groan up her throat, alerting Glutoneer to her approach. He whirled around, opened his jaws, and clamped them down on Queen Bee’s stinger. Before she could gawk down at her stinger-- half of her stinger---, he backhanded her into a storefront.

Queen Bee could only remember what followed in a series of blurred flashes. She remembered Ladybug forcing her to sit on a bench in the park while she and Chat went after Glutoneer. She remembered arguing, remembered shoving Ladybug and insisting she could still fight. She remembered Ladybug’s forlorn look before she swung off and left Queen Bee behind, still screaming. She remembered fighting off the anger, the tears, the urge to jump through one of the windows of the Dupain-Cheng bakery and stuff her face with everything she could get her hands on.

She remembered the red storm of ladybugs that swept away all of the damage and her hunger. She remembered taking to the skies, no longer weighed down by an empty stomach. She remembered seeking out her partners and finding them on a far off rooftop. She remembered thinking of exactly what she would say to Ladybug about how she deserved to be treated like a hero instead of a child. She remembered landing on the rooftop with a chimney between her and them. And when she got closer…

She remembered their words.

“Ugh, I know she’s new at this,” Ladybug complained stomping around the rooftop with her fists clenched, “but Queen Bee can be so...so…”

“It’s like you said, my Lady,” Chat said, planting a hand on her shoulder to still her, “she’s new. It’s gonna to take time for her to settle into her place on the team.”

“But how hard is it to follow orders?” Queen Bee knew she should step out and say something, but her curiosity held her back, kept her hidden. “All she needed to do was stay back like I said! And did you hear what she said about the Akuma? ‘Stress relief’? It’s like she has no regard for anyone but herself!”

“She probably just had a bad day and needs us to be patient with her.”

“A bad day doesn’t excuse going out of her way to hurt people! I mean, she’s not near as bad as Chloé but…”

Queen Bee's world froze. Her breath caught in her throat, her body stilled, but her mind continued to whirl.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

'I don't appreciate you trying to...to bribe me.'

Today was supposed to be perfect.

'That’s going too far, Chloé!'

Everyone was supposed to love her.

'Who here actually likes Chloé?'

Everyone did love her.

'I can’t be friends with someone who mistreats people like you do.'

Everyone loved her...

'You know, you wouldn’t be like this if you’d just listened!'

Ladybug...loved her...

'She's not near as bad as Chloé...'

...right?

...you hear now what she truly thinks of you?...

Queen Bee trembled when a new voice entered her mind.

...your hero's not as heroic as you thought, is she?...

It wasn't the voice Vii planted in her mind. It was different...

...she doesn't deserve to be a hero, not like you, my Queen...

...familiar...

...take her Miraculous from her and bring it to me...

Rage boiled up from her heart. Her face contorted in a wicked snarl. Her body lifted from the ground and shot right at Ladybug. The heroine saw Queen Bee coming, but could do nothing as the black and gold bullet plowed into her and didn't stop until her back met a chimney several buildings over. She slumped to the ground, coughed, the wind gone from her lungs, and lifted her head, gasping when she saw Queen Bee standing over her, her eyes filled with fury and outlined by a glowing purple butterfly.

“Is that what you really think of me, Ladybug?” Queen Bee spat. When the spotted heroine reached for her yoyo, Queen Bee thrust her stinger, coated in a purple miasma, just under the girl's chin. “ Is that what you really think? I can't believe I ever admired you!” She shook her head, flinging tears to the roof beneath them. “I worshiped you, loved you!” She wrapped her fingers around Ladybug's throat and jerked her to her feet, her stinger leveled between those eerily familiar bluebell eyes. “You're the reason I wanted to be a hero! I-”

“Ladybug!” Chat Noir called from behind Queen Bee as he vaulted across roof after roof.

Queen Bee called upon her drones without turning. When they materialized, she shrieked, “Tear Chat Noir apart!”

“No!” Ladybug had barely cried when Queen Bee slammed her head back into the bricks.

“I thought you of all people would love me!” she sobbed, unable to keep her voice even any longer. “Because you're Ladybug! You love everyone! You're supposed to be kind! Gentle! Passionate! You're brave, brilliant, creative, selfless!” She could just barely hear Vii crying out in her mind, but ignored her, her grip tightening around Ladybug's throat. “You're strong, you're confident, and that's why I admired you! Because y-you're...”

Queen Bee's voice trailed off, her rage dying and her eyes softening as she realized just what she was about to say.

“You're...”

She tried to hold her next words on the tip of her tongue, because to speak them would be to give voice to a truth she had realized long ago, but dared not acknowledge. However, in her emotionally compromised state, the truth fought its way out.

“You're...everything I'm not.”

Her vision blurred as more tears flooded her eyes. Her grip loosened, allowing her stinger to clatter to the roof and Ladybug to work her way free. Chat, having evaded the drones until they dissipated, called his Cataclysm on the possessed weapon and released the butterfly within. Queen Bee dropped to her knees, barely registering Hawkmoth screaming in her mind before Ladybug severed their link.

“Queen Bee?”

The striped girl lifted her eyes to find Ladybug looking down on her, not with anger, but with concern. She reached out, but Queen Bee flinched away and jumped to her feet, her wings buzzing harder and faster than they ever had. Between her tears and the speed with which she flew over the city, she had no idea where she was going until her boots dropped onto the balcony outside her room and her transformation peeled away. Chloé threw open the doors, staggered into her room without bothering to close them, and once more dropped to her knees, her arms folded over her middle.

She tried. She tried to calm her mind, to slow her tears. She tried to compose herself. She tried to remember her father's words: Never back down. Never break. Never show weakness. She was Chloé Bourgeois. Chloé freaking Bourgeois. She doesn't have emotional breakdowns. She is strong. She is confident. She swallowed hard and muttered those words, repeated them like a mantra.

“I am strong. I am c-confident. I am--”

“Honey...”

“G-go away, Vii.” Chloé didn't lift her head to acknowledge the kwami, and she continued her chant.

Though the magic of the Miraculous compelled her to obey, Vii fought through it and said, “This isn't what your mother meant when she--”

Chloé's eyes snapped open and she turned her tear-streaked eyes up at the floating spirit. “Shut up! What do you know of my mother? You don't know anything !”

Vii sighed and floated down closer to her chosen. “I've been a part of your mind for the past few days. I saw the memory of your mother's death.”

“Shut up.” Chloé squeezed her eyes shut.

“I know you miss her.”

“Shut up. ” Her jaw clenched against another wave of tears.

“I know you don't want to be alone and--”

“I said--” Chloé reached behind her head, wrenched the comb from her hair, and threw it into her open closet “-- shut up! ”

She waited for another comment, another retort, but none came. She slowly lifted her head and glanced about through the thin curtain of her loose hair. Vii was gone. She was… Chloe shut her eyes shut again and hooked her fingers into her scalp. She refused to say it, to admit it. She ground her teeth together, trying to bite back the pain, the humiliation. Faces flashed through her mind: Sabrina, Adrien, her classmates, Vii…

...her mother.

...she was alone.

And it was all her fault.

She couldn't hold it in any longer. She wept until her eyes burned. She screamed until her throat ran raw. She let every bit of fear and pain and denial pour out of her because inside there was just no more room. She continued to weep even when her butler found her a half hour later. He couldn't get an explanation out of her as to how she had gotten home from school, or why she was crying in her room, but tucked her into her bed regardless. And there she lay for the next few hours, wetting her pillow with her tears, until her father could take leave of his duties at city hall and come home to his daughter.

The room was dark and quiet when he entered, the silence only broken by Chloé's ragged breaths. He wandered over to her bed and sat next to her, his hand finding her head poking out of the blankets and gently stroking it.

“Chloé? What's wrong, dearest? What happened?”

She sniffed and turned her head, not quite looking at him, but just enough for him to see the redness in her eyes. “W-why did she lie to me?”

“Who? Who lied to you?”

“Sh-she said...if I was strong and confident, that I'd ha-have friends.” She closed her eyes and curled in on herself under the sheets. “B-but everyone h-hates me! And I'm all alone and I don't know why she lied to me.”

The mayor leaned over. “Who?”

It took a few seconds, but Chloé finally sat up and looked at him. In that moment, he saw, not a fifteen-year-old young woman, but a scared eight-year-old girl who had just witnessed her mother's death.

“Mommy. Why, daddy? Why did mommy lie to me?”

(#)

Fu sat in meditation, preparing himself for the next step in his plan to combat Hawkmoth. Wayzz sat beside him, next to a plate of sliced carrots, calmly munching until his head perked up. His antenna bobbed, seeking out particular energies and failing to find them.

“Vii has gone dormant.” He looked up to Fu. “Chloé has rejected her.”

The old master opened his eyes and sighed. “I anticipated as much, but did not foresee it happening so soon.” He pulled his cane to him and pushed himself to his feet. “I had hoped that the Bee and Moth would balance each other, but it seems the Moth is far too corrupt to be an effective balancing force.”

“What now, Master?”

Fu stood silent for a minute before flashing Wayzz a sad smile. “It is time for our paths to diverge.”

Wayzz lifted from his plate to float before Fu's face. “No, Master. There...must be another way.”

“It will take time for Miss Bourgeois to find the hero within herself. Until that happens, Ladybug and Chat Noir still need help.”

“Then send Keela! She can--”

“Be of great help, I agree.” Fu opened the chest hidden within his phonograph and took out the necklace. “But her wielder will need a partner to balance her. With Pann lost to us, that means I must pass you on to a new Master.” He slid open a drawer and removed a pair of identical black boxes, lowering the necklace into one of them before turning back to Wayzz. “This is not an ending, old friend. It is a new beginning for you. For us both.”

Wayzz pressed his forehead against his Master's...his former Master. “I have had far too many of both.”

Old and tired fingers reached down to the jade charm. “Goodbye Wayzz.”

The turtle kwami pulled away and matched the sad smile on his former wielder. “Goodbye...Fu.”

#miraculous ladybug #ml fic #chloe bourgeois #queen bee #ml spoilers

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internetdetectives · 5 years

Text

11/13/18 - Chat with Moonman31

Dense 7:34 PM: oh

Dense 7:34 PM: ey

Dense 7:34 PM: you are there

Wolfcat 7:41 PM: eyy

moonman31 7:41 PM: hi

Dense 7:41 PM: So you may know us

Dense 7:41 PM: but

Dense 7:41 PM: hi

Dense 7:41 PM: I'm Dense

Wolfcat at 7:42 PM: he goes by a different name on the forums

Wolfcat at 7:42 PM: but yeah

moonman31 7:42 PM: yeah I know

Dense 7:42 PM: I'm the one called I'm the one hehe

moonman31 7:42 PM: actually hold on

moonman31 7:42 PM: I wanted a cool nick but this is lame

Dense 7:43 PM: hehe

moonman31 7:43 PM: ok

Wolfcat 7:43 PM: so lemme just come right out and ask

Wolfcat 7:43 PM: whose this nocta fella

Wolfcat 7:43 PM: I mean he's apparently Kevin

Wolfcat 7:43 PM: but that doesn't really line up with what we've heard

moonman31 7:44 PM: If I am gonna be honest I don't know how to answer that any differently than I have

Dense 7:45 PM: How long have you been in the forums

moonman31 7:45 PM: since the beginning

Wolfcat 7:46 PM: How long would that be? It sounded like the Astral Observatory has been around for a little while since before the "hacker attack" from JiD

moonman31 7:50 PM: yeah

moonman31 7:50 PM: depends on who you ask tbh although for me i would say since july

Dense 7:51 PM: oh july

Dense 7:51 PM: wait

Dense 7:51 PM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0ZCRZ3TrB0

Dense 7:51 PM: july 28th

Wolfcat 7:53 PM: He did start acting pretty funky around that time

Dense 7:53 PM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YrC4Jwl8yg&t=25s

Dense 7:53 PM: after july

Wolfcat 7:54 PM: That was something I was going to ask, how do you exactly know about Greth, Moon?

moonman31 7:54 PM: cool

moonman31 7:54 PM: well I can't really tell you that

moonman31 7:54 PM: specifically I am unable to, physically

moonman31 7:54 PM: which sounds fucking gay

Dense 7:55 PM: also July didn't had much activity

moonman31 7:55 PM: but I promise is true

Dense 7:55 PM: Wait moon

Dense 7:55 PM: where are you from?

Wolfcat 7:55 PM: We've seen some pretty weird shit so it's not too unbelievable honestly

Dense 7:56 PM: Wait

Dense 7:56 PM: what if the "A guest" was recorded on jjuly

Wolfcat 7:56 PM: probably was

Wolfcat 7:56 PM: Do you know anything about the guy who wears that silver alien mask? He cropped up in Nocta's vid, along with a few of Greth's

moonman31 8:14 PM: no

moonman31 8:14 PM: you asked me already

Dense 8:15 PM: ok but

Dense 8:15 PM: where are ya from

moonman31 8:15 PM: bear with me buddy truthfully

moonman31 8:15 PM: and this is gonna sound hella gay

moonman31 8:15 PM: I can only answer what I am allowed to

CircleHunter 8:15 PM: That is a pretty personal question dense

CircleHunter 8:15 PM: It's ok tho

Dense 8:16 PM: yeah... but it was for speculation

Dense 8:16 PM: sorry man

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: We got a lot of questions and we aren't sure what you can and can't answer, so please bear with us too

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: We don't want to force you into anything

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: Even though that sounds literally impossible, actually

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: Nocta seemed pretty adamant about "changing our minds" about something, as if he's heard of us before.

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: However, the only thing we've ever really been against is having a big moon god eat our planet.

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: And I don't really buy the whole "Johnisdead.com stealing bandwidth" story

Wolfcat 8:16 PM: Do you know anything about what's going on with that or nah?

moonman31 8:26 PM: brb

moonman31 8:26 PM: and no not in a spooky way

moonman31 8:26 PM: in like a

moonman31 8:26 PM: 'this is gonna take a while i can tell'

moonman31 8:26 PM: 'im hungry'

moonman31 8:26 PM: so brb

Wolfcat 8:27 PM: rip this nigga

CircleHunter 8:28 PM: For someone so self aware, he sure did say the forbidden phrase

Wolfcat 8:30 PM: as long as he doesn't say "brb someones knocking on my door"

Dense 8:30 PM: hehe

moonman31 8:47 PM: ok

moonman31 8:47 PM: what forbidden phrase

Wolfcat 8:48 PM: "brb" I think

moonman31 8:48 PM: oh

moonman31 8:48 PM: wow

CircleHunter 8:48 PM: yeah it's a joke about the horror movie trope

moonman31 8:48 PM: so im not allowed to pee

Wolfcat 8:48 PM: you're especially not allowed to pee

moonman31 8:48 PM: ok crystal

CircleHunter 8:49 PM: sea bears hate that

CircleHunter 8:49 PM: i honestly can't tell if you are upset right now

CircleHunter 8:49 PM: if you are, i am very sorry, that was a joke

moonman31 8:50 PM: i am really upset you should apolo

moonman31 8:50 PM: oh

moonman31 8:50 PM: ok

moonman31 8:50 PM: i was kidding actually

CircleHunter 8:50 PM: lmao

Wolfcat 8:50 PM: you are free to pee whenever you like

moonman31 8:50 PM: I dont think thats necessarily true

moonman31 8:50 PM: but I appreciate the sentiment

CircleHunter 8:50 PM: give the original scream a watch at some point since that was the movie i was referencing

Wolfcat 8:53 PM: I am going to ask the forbidden question

Wolfcat 8:53 PM: get ready

Wolfcat 8:53 PM: What is in the truth?

moonman31 9:05 PM: ha

moonman31 9:05 PM: that would be really easy huh

Wolfcat 9:07 PM: Figured it was at least worth a shot, lol

Dense 9:09 PM: Sad

Wolfcat 9:12 PM: Can you tell us anything about this Samuel dude?

moonman31 9:12 PM: hm

moonman31 9:12 PM: so samuel is an older fella who posts on the forums

Wolfcat 9:16 PM: yeah, yuuki said he was pretty old

Wolfcat 9:16 PM: he still hasnt posted anything it seems like

moonman31 9:19 PM: Idk why honestly

moonman31 9:19 PM: he just hasn't been around i guess

Wolfcat 9:19 PM: yeah

Wolfcat 9:19 PM: seems like users are still trickling in

Wolfcat 9:19 PM: like this cool kaiden dude

moonman31 9:20 PM: yeah he's an edgelord

Dense 9:20 PM: I like moonman because he's a memelord

Dense 9:20 PM: wait

moonman31 9:21 PM: what

Dense 9:22 PM: you seem like a good guy hehe

Wolfcat 9:24 PM: If you can't say anything about Kevin, then do you know anything about a Kayd Hendricks you can tell us about?

moonman31 9:24 PM: let me put it this way

moonman31 9:24 PM: I know plenty about ben drowned

moonman31 9:24 PM: if you want to call it that. who would've guessed it was all real

moonman31 9:24 PM: shit it all started with 4chan honestly

moonman31 9:24 PM: fuck that place.

Dense 9:26 PM: Hey let's play a game

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: alright cool, you actually know shit

Dense 9:26 PM: Wolf

Dense 9:26 PM: Better say some names

Dense 9:26 PM: and maybe he knows something

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: uh, alright

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: Tyler

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: Matt

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: Jacob

Wolfcat 9:26 PM: aside from the others that are no-no territory when it comes to not being able to speak about

moonman31 9:29 PM: ok this is uh

moonman31 9:29 PM: a weird way to have a conversation pal\

moonman31 9:29 PM: what if I just started yelling names at you

Dense 9:29 PM: We are weird dude, so..

moonman31 9:29 PM: but yes tyler was in the video

moonman31 9:29 PM: I know of them

moonman31 9:29 PM: I know them.

moonman31 9:29 PM: I know all of you

Dense 9:30 PM: oh dAmn

Wolfcat 9:36 PM: what was even happening in the video honestly

Wolfcat 9:36 PM: it looked like a ritual

Wolfcat 9:36 PM: at first I thought it was something that was recorded back when Tyler still had his dudes, but apparently not

moonman31 9:42 PM: I dont know

moonman31 9:42 PM: but let me also say the rest of the forum does not know about the history of all this

moonman31 9:42 PM: at least to my knowledge only nocta and I do

moonman31 9:42 PM: the others are innocent in this...again, to my knowledge

moonman31 9:42 PM: you should also know i am not strictly on your side

moonman31 9:42 PM: I am here because I need to have some control

Dense 9:44 PM: of?

moonman31 9:45 PM: things

Wolfcat 9:45 PM: I'm guessing you're referring to how you physically can't talk about certain things?

moonman31 9:45 PM: sort of

Wolfcat 9:46 PM: I'm assuming that's related to Nocta

moonman31 9:46 PM: no

Dense 9:47 PM: Your moral?

moonman31 9:47 PM: lolno

moonman31 9:47 PM: wtf

Dense 9:47 PM: kek

Wolfcat 9:47 PM: >morals

moonman31 9:47 PM: ((Moonman31 then posted an image of an apple person with the word “Yeet”))

Wolfcat 9:47 PM: judk kiddign

Dense 9:47 PM: oh shit

Wolfcat 9:47 PM: AAAAa

Dense 9:48 PM: gr8 memelord

Wolfcat 9:52 PM: Since you seem to know quite a bit about all this, I'm guessing you probably saw Tyler's stream a week or two ago?

moonman31 9:54 PM: yeah

Wolfcat 9:55 PM: do you know anything about that spooky chooky red mask he found? cause it honestly doesnt look like anything we've seen before

moonman31 10:10 PM: no

Wolfcat 10:32 PM: damn

Wolfcat 10:32 PM: thanks for answering our awkward questions the best you could, tho

Wolfcat 10:32 PM: im sure more will crop up as we remember them

#johnisdead #moonman13 #chat #conversation

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