I wanna summon demon fyodor
go in front of a mirror at night, close ur eyes and call out his name three times...
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Everything that exists, yearns to live. That's what the cycle of life is all about. That's the engine that drives the great biological pumps of evolution. Everything tries to inch its way up the tree, clawing or tentacling or sliming its way up to the next niche until it gets to the very top--which, on the whole, never seems to have been worth all that effort.
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
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i guess i wasn’t worth the effort… but then again, i didn’t know loving me would take effort… sigh
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Don't fret
I don't ever wanna see you
And I never wanna meet you again
One thing
When you're angry, you're a jerk
And then you treat me like I'm worth nothing
Don't fret
I don't ever wanna see you
And I never wanna meet you again
It'll happen again
I watch it happen over and over again
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I always want too much. And i was hoping... Hoping for the false thing. Hoping that I ACTUALLY MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE. To the fucking point where someone WOULD PUT EFFORT... Fucking hell I'm so naive and stupid. But now i see reality, i see that people are waiting for my death and people would even watch me die and wouldn't try to save me. Because I'm not worth that (or any) effort. I guess I've been lied to. But hell, I'll eat lies because that's better than shitty reality.
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Don't drive yourself mad waiting to be understood by others. You're grown. You don't have to justify or explain yourself to anyone that you don't want to.
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Gentle reminder;
You don’t have to hold on to family just because they are blood.
If they are hurting you, it is ok to cut them off and out of your life.
“Family” is a loose term, meaning whatever you want it to mean.
You do not have to continue putting up with their bullshit just because they share your bloodline.
Break free and don’t subject yourself or future generations to the pain and hurt you have already gone through.
Get out.
And don’t let guilt or desire for “the perfect aesthetic family” force you to allow them back.
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You said all possible words that could hurt me and now you're wondering why I feel numb?
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:( I must’ve been annoying asf or ugly asf and not worth the time.
Maybe if I was prettier maybe if I was more fun and more interesting better at everything else and attractive in more ways than none It would’ve worked out. :(((( why do I even bother. Why do I even try??? Idgi, effort? Clearly not worth the simplicity of time.
I’m a fucking idiot
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alright I've stopped pretending to be an aesthetic blog from now on i shall reblog whatever the fuck i want
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i'm gonna be alone forever
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11:20pm 11/15/2023
Some days, I just can't help but feel alone..
Misinterpretation is the only outcome with communication, inevitably leading to complications and silence.
My thoughts run rampant through my mind, with no option of releasing them in hopes of understanding and reassurance. Slowly, it kills me and leaves me stuck in a corner.
I feel the sense that I am an inconvenience, a bother, and a burden to those around me. There is nothing I do that means anything, I can not explain the occurances of my day as it is irrelevant and doesn't matter, my feelings and stressors are invalid as it is compared to anyone else having the same issues or worse, and I face the constant shame of not doing enough or being enough.
I try so hard, but it's always pushed aside for something more convenient, immersive, and time-consuming.
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here’s my cosplay of that old lady with a sword
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Could never like a narcissist but that's just me
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Of course you want 3xl, 4xl lmao just lose weight
Again? Really?
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