#not tagging all this shit lol yeah right!!!!!

[mod2amaryllis]

just gonna sliiide into your inbox to be like. got any complicated relationship with motherhood recs?? cause I'm👀

👁️👁️ b i s c i a.

the first rec is always for all time The Broken Earth trilogy by NK Jemisin

talk about books that changed my brain chemistry and boosted my writing, especially the fifth season, which pulls a narrative trick with its 3 main character perspectives that still has me reeling and makes me resent the fact that not every protagonist is an exhausted middle aged mother who's haunted by choices and horrors of her own making!!

The Devourers by Indra Das

a take on werewolves that's at times genuinely sickening to read, esp for my body-horror-scawy ass. lot of upsetting themes fyi, like. all the themes. are upsetting. but i was left feeling like I'd just gotten the world's most dire hug. also trans allegory out the wazoo.

i feel like this one is really obligatory like yeah no shit Beloved by Toni Morrison but still: Beloved by Toni Morrison

I've never felt smart enough for this book but i think about it constantly, not just because the contents are so traumatic but the way it's written..... even now i feel like such a dunce trying to say anything about it but it's like. it broke rules in my brain about how books are supposed to be structured and understood. there's a chapter that ends in a stream of thought that's borderline incomprehensible and it's in my head forever.

ok little different now and largely positive mushy gushy mom stuff, but a lot of Brandi Carlile's songs, especially The Mother:

and her whole In These Silent Days album. particularly it's celebrating lesbian motherhood. Mama Werewolf is awesome and introduces that complication that makes me ravenous, but my favorite is her love song to her wife, You And Me On The Rock

there's a song exploder podcast episode about it. she talks about how it's an homage to her good friend Joni Mitchell, how it's about this very feminine love she shares with her wife and daughter (and now also her son) and how she spent some of her youth grappling with that femininity.

speaking of song exploder!!!!!! the episode for Song For Our Daughter by Laura Marling

Laura Marling and her partner don't have children. this song is a hypothetical about the trauma of being a girl and having your boundaries crossed when you're young. but what absolutely destroys me is that there's a string section, which was written by a violinist to whom she gave creative liberty, and in his strings he says, "i wrote this to be the character of The Daughter, so she's here in the song soaring over everything" and it just. hearing the context and then listening to the song........i show this episode to anyone who's stuck in a car with me 25 minutes.

on the subject of music, of course there's Florence + The Machine's 2022 album Dance Fever, particularly King

like hell yeah let's get primal with it

and ok this is gonna clock my grew up as a theatre kid ass but still, to this day, Next To Normal.

listening to this show as a teenager who was just starting to hate my (wonderful awesome love her) mom was like......hoooooo. it blew open the my-parents-are-human empathy. idc about like whether or not this musical lives up to the insane hype it got in the late 2000s it just meant a lot to me personally.

also there's movies i guess! but if you're not already on the Everything Everywhere All At Once train idk what we're doing

then my oldest mom-centric media of all, so old that I'm not even sure how well it holds up to my current person sensibilities, Fruits Basket

the way her death is the inciting incident for everything that happens after, and how she's a ghost that haunts the rest of the story, at times a protective spirit and at other times a traumatic poltergeist, is like. i thought i was a 13yo reading a magical high school romance what's happening to me.

then of course the current rec, Priestdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Lockwood is a poet and this is her memoir about growing up with a Catholic priest for a dad, something that in itself seems contradictory. it's phenomenal. i can't believe someone exists who's this good at writing. her relationship with her mother is hilariously, tenderly depicted and it's questioning and resentful and loving and there's a chapter about them called the cum queens of the hyatt palace and it's the funniest thing I've ever read

oops too many words

motherhood in media borders on fixation for me lol i don't always seek it out but when it's there I'm like AAAAAAAAH, AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAH AAAAAH IS ANYONE ELSE SEEING THIS GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!

........oh and undertale. how could i forget Undertale.

#m2a #m2answers #not tagging all this shit lol yeah right!!!!! #i get into parent stuff in my writing every chance i freaking get #stream joat ch114 The Mother like comment subscribe for more toriel content

[azure-clockwork]

I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes

#This is 100% swinging at a hell of a hornet's nest #Do I tag it? #Yeah fuck it we ball #fe3h #fe16 #edelgard von hresvelg #claude von riegan #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #rhea fire emblem #I should probably clarify that I love all of these characters quite dearly #Well except Rhea #I think she's a good character but I'm not feral about her like Edelgard or charmed by her like Claude or desperate to save her like Dimitr #discourse #edelgard discourse #Edit: I actually don’t care about 3H discourse either way lol #there’s plenty of interesting shit to talk about in this game #also I get that the people who say “x did war crimes” actually don’t mean “this was bad because it violated the Geneva Convention” #but any time I see something about how many war crimes someone did (usually Edelgard or Dimitri) I just think: #“Hah it’s a war crime to deploy Cyril to rescue Flayn because he’s still 14 then” #also I got into this game because someone told me ‘so there’s a gal with an axe and trauma’ and I booted it up #and I have a friend who likes Rhea despite his moral reservations solely because ‘she’s hot tho’ #and that’s also really funny #point is I don’t really wanna participate in most fe3h discourse cuz I have shit to do but this post isn’t meant to be a dunk on anyone #I’m not upset when I see it; it’s either funny or fine or sometimes right #I’m just gay for Edelgard and amused by the idea of applying the Geneva Convention to a world where it Clearly Isn’t A Thing

[tora-the-cat]

An interesting little fun thing with team 7 is that you assume that Sakura's gonna, like, woobify and simplify Sasuke by putting him on a pedastal,cause her goal is centered around him and shes a 12 y/o fangirl so like of course her understanding of him is skewed cause she doesnt see him as a person, just an object of affection, right? She's can't get Sasuke, can't imprint on and/or traumabond with him like Naruto and Kakashi do. They don't see him with rose tinted glasses, because they've lived through their own Horrors and empathize with Sasuke's experience.

......right?

WRONG lmao!! They have too many ghosts!! Naruto's single-minded codependent ass won't get out of his own way long enough to see Sasuke for who he actually is, only able to empathize with the parts of his trauma Naruto relates to and not really capable of understanding him outside of the context of himself (because Sasuke is. His other half). And Kakashi is far too jaded to be fair to him!! He can't decide if Sasuke is gonna end up as a mini-him or a mini-Obito or maybe a mini-Itachi, but either way he ALSO is too traumatized to see Sasuke AS SASUKE.

meanehile SAKURA'S autistic ass may have dogshit empathy, but you know what she does have? A special interest in sasuke. Nothing better to do then give herself a degree in Uchihaisms. She can write character studies about him. she can read his soul. Whenever she says something about him she is right. Every fucking time! She is RIGHT!!!!

'sasuke would NOT compliment me this directly or explicitly express worry unprompted, especially if it gets in the way of his goals' correct.

'Sasuke shouldn't hide that curse on his neck its not healthy BUT if I tell anyone about it he'll never trust me again, which might be even more dangerous for him then the curse mark. Like he can probably handle the curse mark but no one else can stop him from ripping peoples arms off.' correct.

Speaking of! 'Sasuke would not hurt me even when he seems to be...possessed? whatever the only way to knock him out of it is to present myself as Alive and thus something to be protected rather then something to be avenged, because he gets really stuck in his own head about revenge' CORRECT

'hey so um. like. Sasuke's gonna leave Konoha. I'm not sure anything can stop him at this point and honestly I'm kinda starting to doubt anything should, so the only thing I could possibly do to help him at this point is ALSO defect.' CORRECT!!!!

#shout out to @Obihoe cause this started as a tag comment on one of your posts that got WAY too out of hand. just like old times lol #team 7 #haruno sakura #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #team crackhead #naruto #naruto uzumaki #sasusaku #doesn't have to be but like. Yeah #for the record no disrespect to my boys Naruto n Kakashi I love them dearly. but like. they got their issues. that's half the fun of team 7 #And Sakura has her problems with Sasuke too!! But her problems have nothing to do with understand him or his motivations or his personhood #and more to do with. Well. her absolute dogshit empathy. Emotionally disregulated ass. #'if you leave me I'll feel just like you did when your parents died' My beloved. Iconic. Great line. No notes. She's really just still so #inexperienced and naive that means she can explain and predict and KNOW him and his actions but still not empathize. She can say shit #like that with a straight face because she's never FELT loss like this before (except that minute she thought he was dead on the bridge) #so she can't imagine a worse pain. Just assumes it can't GET worse because she has no emotional concept of 'worse'. so it must be the same #she's literally the only person with a chance of convincing Sasuke to take her with him to Orochimaru because he's SASUKE of course she #knows all the right pressure points and keywords and concerns and stuff that she needs to convince him. #she's literally playing a little diolouge tree game with him. And maybe even winning up until that line! it's the dealbreaker

[rogersstevie]

saw a post about "reviving" the stucky fandom like having a special day which is all well and good but i'm just like i mean is the fandom dead or did you just stop engaging like people are still very much making edits and fanart and writing fic like in fairness there IS a lot of fanwork that maintains canon and i understand not wanting any of that bc i am absolutely not interested in engaging with any of that bc well. i'm not interested in that kind of angst for this ship or in the belief that you can justify or make endgame logical lol BUT there are also people who remained invested in the ship without any of the nonsense like is it less than it was in 2014 sure but that's not even just bc people abandoned ship it's also bc when the thing is no longer getting new canon content there's simply not gonna be as much fan content churned out either like it is very natural but the content is still there if you actually go into the tags

#i'm like hi is fandom dead or are you just not reblogging gifs #have you SEEN yourbuckies gifs bc that's like some of the best shit i've ever seen and they're regularly in the edit tag #just went into the fanart tag for the first time in months and there's so much there and i queued multiple things #like tbf it is annoying to go into one of those tags and see some endgame compliant shit UNTAGGED #which i know not everybody is me and tags everything with catwsedit or endgameedit or whatever but they SHOULD #so like yeah it is a risk but i do make use of the block/post block options lol #but yeah i can't lie i find it more preferable if people just abandon ship rather than making content like haha look at steve leaving bucky #this is so heartwrenching and makes so much sense after all the other things they went through that i'm showing in this gifset right? #but anyway there are people who don't do that so like it's not hard to at least acknowledge that chunk of fandom

[dallonwrites]

bestie how the fuck do you start writing again when you haven't written in years bc you're so paralyzed with Fear of Writing Badly mixed with How Do I Get Started and also WHAT do I write about HELP

I WANT to write but every part of it is. so. DAUNTING

Ohhh bestie I have BEEN there. Whenever I take breaks from writing I find myself scared that I'll have just….forgotten to write?? I think the fear of "bad writing" is amplified when you don't write for a while, however long, because you have to like hype yourself up to go back to writing and it's like what if I do all that and then I just can't do it? Returning to writing, especially after a long time, for me has taken a lot of mental work, trying to understand what will make writing fun and healthy for me. A lot of it, honestly, is easier said than done, but also it's mental work you'll keep doing after you start writing again and as you write, and for me it's easier to process my relationship with writing when I am actually writing.

A big part of that mental work for me, and something I think is so valuable, is to reconsider what "bad" writing is and give yourself permission to write it. Sometimes you will think your writing sucks, happens to all of us, but that isn't all it has to be. Like yeah, I'll think something I wrote sucks, but I still wrote it. I can revisit it and work on it and maybe I'll turn it into something I'm happy with. And even if I don't, I still wrote it, I learned from it. Writing does not need to be "good" by whatever standard we're holding it up to for it to have value. And you can delete it! Nobody has to see it! Also you can have fun writing something and still think it's not your best. I've written a lot of "bad" scenes that I had fun with because the scene was entertaining to me! I love when writing turns out how I like it, or I write a banger prose line, but equally I found it helpful to give myself permission to not worry about that all the time and just focus on my interest/enjoyment in what I'm writing, regardless of the "quality". Again, easier said than done, but something I've found easier the more I write, because you'll have bad writing days but you'll also have writing days that are so good

I know a lot of people see writing as a skill that they want to improve, and like I agree it feels really good to see your writing grow, but writing is so much more than the skill and the craft and the theory. There is no objective "perfection" to reach with writing like we are not Sims with levelled skills LOL. Writing is art and creativity and it should be fun and fulfilling. And IMO, the more you focus on what makes writing fun, you will grow and "improve" as a writer a lot quicker and in a way that is a lot more enjoyable than if you treat writing like some icy quest for perfection. You also get to decide what "good" writing is for you/your story. Some of my stories are more prose focused and I'll play more with language, imagery etc. Others are more about the plot and just having fun imagining this scene. Sometimes it's a mix of both. What is "good" writing depends on the writer, story, genre, etc. There is no one way to write.

I'm rambling a lot because I'm just really passionate about this and I cannot express enough how easier writing got, including all the difficult and ugly and frustrating parts, when I gave space to prioritise my enjoyment and fun. People love to romanticise the idea of the "struggling" writer. I see stuff on here and I'm like you guys….writing should be fun. Like yeah sometimes it's hard and we should talk about that but like, you Need to make sure you are having fun. Anyway I'm going to try not to ramble and bullet point some things that helped me:

Make Writing Fun: Lol! Literally whatever makes writing fun. Sometimes I just write super indulgent scenes and the fun of that sets me up to work on my projects. When I work on my projects I try to find what in each scene I'm going to enjoy the most, and focus on that to help me write the rest. I make playlists, moodboards, memes, art etc for my story because it's fun, and it helps me be engaged with my story outside of writing it. Just, have fun.

On productivity: some people will benefit from setting clear goals and running towards them. Some people don't. For me it depends on my headspace. I don't think productivity is a bad thing, it can feel good, but productivity should not be the only reason you write. And the most productive writing process is whichever one makes writing enjoyable for you, because that's how you'll get words on the page

On that note, please be wary of anyone online who who treats the writing advice they share as Fact. I'm not saying every writing teacher out there does...but some of them market it that way! And creators do not have an authority on writing just because they have a platform however big. There are some AMAZING content creators out there who talk about writing, and I have found them motivating, but like just let yourself be picky about who you listen to/engage with. I say this because I consumed some very Strict writing advice when I was younger and it literally contributed to my years long slump so like...I'm picky now LOL

About goals: Personally, gentle goals are what help me get back into writing. Maybe just write for 20 minutes, or write every day for a couple days. When I do word count goals, I base them on how I feel that day, and recently I don't make a word count, I'll transfer it to the next session but smaller. So if I try to write 500 words but can't I'll say okay, lets try 250 next time. Goals can be a great motivator and way to feel achieved, and maybe bigger goals will help you, but you're also allowed to adjust them as you go to make it easier

On finding new ideas, having been there before, you don't need a fully fleshed out idea to start writing. My longest break I came back to writing with...one character and a backstory? If you have stories/characters already you can revisit them, either build on what you have or completely change it. Or if you don't have that, if there's a piece of media you like you can take that concept and play around with it in your own way, or you can even just write fanfic until you have your own idea (if you want your own idea, fanfic is cool too!) You can even just find a cool pic on pinterest and play around with describing it, writing about it, seeing if you can get anything from that. Ideas are everywhere and they can be tiny, and I think if you have that want to write you Will find your story eventually. All writers have had the Idea struggle, but I think the more you engage with writing and think about what concepts and stories interest you already, the more you'll like train yourself to get ideas

That was very long and maybe a lot but like, I am very passionate about this! I've been in writing "slumps" where I didn't know if I would write again, I've started writing again with no ideas, and in those times all I had was the fact I knew I wanted to write. There are a lot of reasons why we end up having long breaks from writing and it is totally normal, sometimes beneficial for us, and we should never give ourselves a hard time for not writing for however long. But also remember that you can always come back. Every one of us has the capacity to create, whatever that looks like, and you can make it as self indulgent and self serving as you want.

#also a bit on the creators and writing advice thing #I dont think every creator out there who does How To Do X.....is treating what they say as fact. and i dont think that's Bad #i think they're just teaching what they think is valuable info #but like...you're allowed to disagree with it #but I've also encountered people with big platforms who will say shit like if you don't do This Thing you WILL fail in some way #just because THEY had that expreience...or will do writing advice marketed like Harsh Truths For Writers!!! #and like yeah you might find something valuable in that but like it's all marketing!!! they want you to click on their post and engage! #again! not always a bad thing it's how the internet works unfortunately! but sometimes it IS kind of shady lol and you can just ignore it #i'm saying this as someone sharing advice right now. you can disagree with any of this lol #some people share writing advice online and that's literally how they make money or they're using that advice to sell their product #again fair i dont think that's inherently bad but i think just. look at this stuff with a critical eye. people have experience that can be #helpful but NOBODY is an authority on writing #cause unfortunately some people Are capitalising on the fact there are vulnerable writers out there looking for help #putting this extension in the tags because its not so much about starting to write again but i think its important #in regards to engaging with writers spaces. that engagement can be so motivating but you have to set barriers LOL

[joyful-soul-collector]

I wonder if, upon learning that Marc was the Host, "the original" in Steven's words, if Steven ever worried afterwards that he was being invasive.

All those things Konshu called him. Worm, parasite, idiot--were they all true now? Was he truly a parasite? A demon of some sort, occasionally possessing a victim of abuse? Leeching off of someone else's life?

Maybe for a while he stopped fronting. He'd stolen so much of Marc's life already, the least he could do was let Marc make it up as best he could. When he was in their inner world he would stay within his own area, never venturing out for fear of disturbing the place Marc's mind had made for him to feel safe.

And even after doing more research on DID and learning that he wasn't a demon, that he as an alter was just as valid a person as the host was, part of him just couldn't shake the feeling that he was a nuisance. A pest. An invasive species in the habitat that was Marc's mind and body.

It probably took a while for Marc to pick up on. Maybe even months. He can normally read people's emotions well, that's what happens when you're raised in an abusive home after all, but that’s all based on body language and expression, which is a bit harder to read when it's someone in your own body. But eventually he does sense it, he can feel the anxiety Steven feels when he needs to front, feels the relief when Marc comes back. And then he sees Steven out and about in their inner world and suddenly realizes he hasn't seen Steven outside his specific space in a long time. Not to mention the apologetic look he had on his face when Marc saw him, as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have.

The final straw was when Steven ended up fronting for three days straight, and when Marc came back, the flat looked completely different than he left it. All Steven's books had been put away, tucked into shelves or stacked under the bed. Steven's clothes had been taken out of the closet and dresser as well, replaced by cardboard boxes at the top of the closet labeled with Steven's messy scrawl. His pyramid paperweight, the postcards from Gus's tank, and his rubiks cube were tossed haphazardly in to a wire wastebasket, right next to their unusually clean desk. All of Steven's favorite snacks had been cleared out of the fridge and cupboards, and Marc wondered if he'd eaten them or if he felt too guilty to allow himself even that.

The only trace of Steven left in the flat was the pair of fish in the now postcard-less fishtank. He wondered if Steven was worried he'd let them die, seeing as how they were just another reminder of his presence.

And that's when Marc knew exactly what was going on. After all, it hadn't been too long since he was the one hiding his possessions around the flat, trying to make his presence as invisible as possible.

He took Steven's things out of the trash. He unpacked Steven's clothes and carefully put them back where they belonged. He took Steven's books out from under the bed and stacked his favorites on the nightstand for him to read. And Marc went out and bought all of Steven's favorite snacks again, even the ones he hated himself. He put on the soft pajamas Steven always liked to wear, even though they made him feel too hot.

There was a rather emotional talk that night.

It probably took a while for Steven to feel comfortable in his own body again. To stop feeling like he was taking up someone else's life, to feel like he was just as much of a person as Marc was. Sometimes he still felt so guilty that he would hide his possessions again, or he'd write notes to Marc saying that it was okay if he never wanted to let Steven front again, and that Steven wouldn't bother him anymore and he could just disappear.

But eventually with time, and therapy, Steven realized that he wasn't taking up Marc's life, not any more than Marc took up Steven's. They were living life together, and that was wonderful. And when Marc returned after letting Steven front for a week to find that he'd bought five more books and was eating the wasabi nuts Marc hated so much, he knew Steven would be alright.

#moon knight #moon knight meta #steven grant #marc spector #mk system #marvel #mcu #mr. knight #if Jake saw all this go down I think he'd feel comfortable enough to make himself known too #he'd want to be part of the little family they're making (even if at times he doesn't feel like he deserves to) #anyways hope you enjoyed my ted talk lol #if anyone wants to message and ramble about MK shit I'd love to #if I don't answer right away I'm probably just busy or sleeping so don't worry about that but yeah haha #moon knight fanfic #tbh I'm not sure if this is meta or fanfic or if it's possible for it to be both? #I tagged it as meta originally but then in reblogs other people have tagged it as fanfic so #either way it's me rambling about MK for a long time lol'

[widevibratobitch]

me when im obsessed with dead singers from 50 (well... mostly 70-120) years ago and im heartbroken to know i'll never see them on stage... never hear them breathe, never see them sweat, never even touch the hem of their garment...

it really is enough to drive a person mad...

#this is so funny because this is the one vaguepost that i wholeheartedly 100% agree with skdhsjshsjdhsn #like yeah!! it does indeed pain me that the level of operatic singing has so drastically decreased over the last 50 years! #that top operatic stars of today are all either nasal or wobbly or knödely or completely inaudible without microphones #but some of yall are just not ready for this conversation. example a #anyway. as many have said before. its kinda easier to understand how some people cant appreciate certain operas #if they never heard them sung well lol #sorry im out of blood today. i know this is a very uncomfortable subject for many but. #you can actually judge someone's singing in a pretty objective way. there are nuances of course. but from a technical point of view #it really is pretty simple #(also its not like i dont enjoy *some* modern singers lol have you SEEN my kwiecień posting???? lmao #hell. there are even some modern singers i have a soft spot who i KNOW sing... Not Very Well. but i enjoy them lol #not many ofc but. yknow) #also 50 years ago would be the 1970s if im doing my maths correctly and. that is really the point in opera history #when it all started going downhill (sadly partly because of one of my all time favourite singers' influence... but thats a different story) #anyway. remember when luis tetrazzini said that the future generations of singers will be The Best singers in history #because they'll have access to all those recordings of The Greats Of The Past that they'll be able to listen to and learn from? #lmao queen you were right about so many things but that was tragically not one of them </3 #opera tag #yes im stirring the pot of boiling liquid shit and putting this post gently into the main tag #*luisA tetrazzini ofc #lol and lmao im out FOR blood* shdgsjsghs

[snixx]

they don't know about my dark past (i was close mutuals with the most passionate finchel and mileven shipper on the goddamn planet for almost as long as i've been on tumblr and longer than i've had this account)

#if it weren't for her id still believe finchel shippers and milevens were a lie like no one can be PASSIONATE about THEM right #okay but honestly i dont give a shit. im from the glee fandom everyone there is besties with people who hate your otps and blorbos #and drag each others ships all the time and ship like kurtbastian or smth #and tag properly (mostly) #i guess that was my tolerance era. id never follow a finchel now #15 year old me: we can have none of the same opinions on fandoms and still be friends! hashtag maturity #me now: yeah but honestly im just here to vibe if 90% of what you post annoys me im not gonna follow you or seek out a friendship lol #(old mutuals im here to stay though however much you spam my dash with things idgaf about) #(i still loved her but we blocked each other 2 months ago because she turned out to be a hardcore zionist she can go to hell if i care now) #anti finchel #anti mileven #anti milkvan #but damn the way she was probably the longest moot id had at that point

[homiro]

WARNING FOR LONG POST THAT WON'T GO UNDER A BREAK. FLICK IT UP OR SCROLL PAST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ A MESSY FUCKING RANT ABOUT FANDOM BEHAVIOUR, ABUSE, TRANSPHOBIA, ANTI RADICAL FEMINISM AND MORE SHIT. THIS IS NOT COHERENT.

I have two hangster fanfics started but I don't feel like finishing them especially because I just keep writing and writing and making them longer and longer and like if I ever finish either of them I won't even leave the comments open if i post them and I probably would post but yeah the last piece of shit i wrote was met with nothing but insults and animosity so im like still very angry about that. like the least horrible of the THREE assholes who decided that insulting me was something they had the right to do instead of just saying 'your tags are wrong, fix them' tried to go on about oh you leave comments open so you're open to criticism uwu and girl criticism is basically tearing someone to shreds so if i don't want your damn critiques what makes you think that I want to be insulted? where did i say that i had a degradation kink? so yeah, i have a very bad impression of this fanbase. it seems very clique-y to me and it's funny because it's a minuscule fanbase no matter what this user tried to say I'm not stupid and making a single fanfic a series to crank up the number of fics isn't as sleek as yall think it is. like you can do it i'm not judging but don't tell me 'um akshully this is a super popular shipppp' like yeah within a fandom with maybe 1000 active users maybe lol and I'm just in a I want to fucking speak up about EVERYTHING mood and I'm tired of always being shut down, lectured, insulted, and treated like shit and expected to just be 'the bigger person' motherfucker no. i am 166cm tall that's 5'6'' or some shit I don't know american, that's not very big is my point so i won't be the bigger person and ignore and delete and blah blah. WRITING IS MY HOBBY AND WHEN YOU COME FOR IT, FOR THE THING THAT HAS KEPT ME MILDLY SANE SINCE I WAS FUCKING 7, WE HAVE A PROBLEM. no, i don't care that i write like shit. it's free. i do it for free because i like to do it. it's the only way i can express myself and even there i get shut down and mocked because im mediocre in everything i fucking do, thanks for the reminder, it's not like my abuser didn't remind me of that for well over 20 years lol /sarcasm/ if you don't like someone's shitty writing, you have the option to click the fuck back and not being a massive piece of entitled shit. i don't know what's wrong with this fanbase honestly i have gotten hate before but never this fast and never to this scale on a stupid fucking fanfic that was very fucking clear for anyone who had taken the time to read it before telling an abuse survivor what abuse is and absolutely getting it fucking wrong lol i am proficient in 7 languages, and my preferred writing style is simple because i understand the value of being understood for more than one reason.

why do people think it's acceptable to be cunts to strangers online? if you wouldn't say the shit you say to people online to people in real life, THEN DON'T FUCKING SAY IT. and yes, i would say all of this here in real life and that is why I am typing it down. i'm literally a chronically depressed dysphoric motherfucker with generalised anxiety, cptsd and semi-functional autism, you think i wouldn't lash the fuck out in real life? you're wrong. i'm actually much worse in real life. i'm the sweetest fucking pie if you respect me but if you treat me like shit expect to get the dressing down of your fucking life or punched in the nose because sometimes i become non-verbal when angry and that's bad because i am reactive to abuse. and online that translates to not shutting up, in real life it translates to violence. but the thing is that in real life people are aware of dos and don'ts. online people just become their fucking regina george wet dream of a school bully.

and i've had fucking enough of being treated like shit. i've had enough of people thinking that being a cunt is cool or edgy. i've had fucking enough of the yes queen slay culture that sees women displaying disgusting, abusive behaviour and applauds it as something good. because 'socking it to the men'. i hate radical feminists for this reason and it's funny that their fascist ideology is spreading like a disease and nobody seems to notice, especially because the pipeline from radical feminist to trans exclusionary radical feminist is an archway not a pipeline. before you know it, you'll see trans masculine people and trans men as 'traitors' and 'wanting male privilege' and 'still women deep down' and 'still has a vagina so she's a woman'. and i'm not pulling this out of my ass, i watched this happening in real time more than once. god i'm so fucking angry i'm just vomiting all the shit that's been pissing me off for months. and i'm talking about this because this shit is so prevalent and commonplace that i, who have been sure that I want to go through with fully transitioning, have been reconsidering because of the insidious hateful comments from terfs/radfems and casual sympathisers with the ideology of those people and the dysphoria i've been feeling has been making me want to wear an actual literal mask outside and carry a fucking fake sword in a scabbard so that nobody will approach me. i have isolation tendencies that are very strong and have been with me since i can remember and i can remember as far back as 4 years old. and then i have to see these fuckers try to find 'articles' to support their hatred and bigotry when they are the literal reason why we fucking kill ourselves and just put up with feeling miserable and don't transition. i don't want to be even more ostracised and treated like shit. i don't want to be even more treated like i'm holding an unpinned grenade just because i don't want to put up with people who insult me and make me feel bad and react to that and fight back. i don't have self-esteem, i fucking hate myself, i feel like ripping my body to shreds every damn day and then i have to work from home the shitty jobs i can do that barely pay for my meds and definitely don't pay for therapy because being around people and too much stimuli makes me shutdown like to the point where i can't speak. So you see the issue maybe idfk that I come online to unwind and write shit as a hobby and mind my damn business and take the time to say look I have these issues and people see that list as 'oh look an easy target for my being a cunt wet dreams because this one will react and I'll seem like a saint! UWU'

and why did this have to involve this ship from top gun? well, because i liked the ship, i wanted to write for it, because writing is my hobby, and what i got was abuse lol and then gaslit into thinking it wasn't abuse and that i had to accept being called names lol 'oh there are no victims uwu i will concede that insulting you was not very nice uwu' but i didn't get a single fucking apology i had to apologise because i was triggered since i couldn't actually do anything and im always ALWAYS on my own even if i cry for help, it never comes, no matter what's fucking happening. even friends just say oh well i didn't see that so oopsie daisy sorry you felt bad and nobody defended you as as been the norm your entire life' like i'm just fucking TIRED. i'm tired of never being good enough. im tired of my friends never having my back. i'm tired of only being told oh actually you weren't wrong when it's already over and i'm already feeling like shit mentally and can't cope with the ruminating feelings of being perpetually misunderstood, mediocre, and alone. 'oh having to stand up for yourself makes you stronger uwu' fuck you a million fucking times. no it doesn't. it makes you paranoid, it makes you isolate, it makes it hard for you to maintain friendships, it makes you a loner, it makes you depressed because you're not supposed to be alone because humans are social animals. and i guess that's the bottom line lol i feel utterly and completely fucking alone. the only person i regularly see and talk to is my brother who also has cptsd and is autistic like me lol obviously we grew up in the same shitty environment and these things tend to be hereditary so yeah i have to mask even with him because he's almost 11 years younger than me and is going through that early 20s phase of your life where you're just lost and don't know what you want and feel bad and as the older sibling i feel that it's my duty to try and pretend not to feel as bad as i do but it's getting harder and harder and im not putting this under a read more break. happy fucking mental health awareness day. enjoy your nothingburger posters and yellow pins of performativity.

rant over.

#homiro said some shit #long post #text #rant #vent #anti terf #mental heatlh #fucking gonna tag it and if you don't like it feel free to prove my point #hangster #yeah that's fucking right #this is what triggered me and i haven't stopped thinking about it because it's my fucking hobby #abuse mention #actually autistic #actually cptsd #trans #fuck it let it show up on all the damn tags lol block me and filter my url tho i don't think i'll ever post anything like this again #i'm just tired of my drafts being full of unposted vents because im scared of more abuse because people online are fucking insane #and have wet dreams about being cunts to maybe cope with having been bullied in school idfk #but i wasn't a bully so why do i have to take your abuse #the answer is i don't.

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once) #pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

[ellytraoflight]

MCYTOBER 2022!!!!!

Your classic inktober, but the prompts are themed around various minecraft smps.

I made these prompts with hermitcraft, traffic smp, empires, dream smp, and origins smp in mind (the themes across these minecraft smps are surprisingly similar). They might also apply to other smps, but these are just the ones I’ve watched most recently. All the prompts can be used for just one smp or many, depending on your interest. Feel free to participate as much or as little as you want!

#mcytober #mcytober 2022 #mcyt #dare I tag all the smps... #yeah I do dare lol #dsmp #hermitcraft #empires smp #empires smp s2 #trafficblr #graphic design is NOT my passion btw i have no idea how to make this shit look good. I tried my best #dream smp #inktober #thats about good right for tags #yeah #if anyone decides to do it with me good luck

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

Kinda sick of the angst in HS when it comes to fan stuff. Not in the sense that things should be happy or that its not fun, no not at all. I'm just sick of how it becomes a competition of "I suffered the most" basically.

.

#homestuck confession #mod cola #yeah i feel that #the only homestuck angst thats right in my opinion are the ones written right to show that no one had it worse than the other #and that everyones just scared kids trying to heal #not sure if ive seen anything made like that but i have specific and special versions made like that where everyone gets a turn processing #what happened and gets a comfort area where they can move on and begin to heal #like bad shit and trauma is not a competition everyone processes things differently #so its good when other people are there to support each other #the only angst i need is like a group therapy session #please fanfiction gods give me group therapy where everyone struggles over their issues but is healing in the correct way #and that means setbacks too i want to see setbacks and support and everyone there for each other #and it doesnt have to be perfect it can be messy and full of mistakes that gets corrected later because thats realistic #it takes time and you learn from it all especially since all the kids have their own thing going on not everyone will know how to properly #do things and all #oops i ranted in the tags #enjoy my take lol #i just like analyzing characters and interactions and what their reactions to certain situations would be #tbh wish i could fully write it down but i feel cringy whenever i do

[gibbyslounge]

“how was ___” “it was good” but everyone is distraught and traumatized

#long tags lol #tw throwing up #boyyyy so i was just sleeping basically this entire 5 hr roadtrip bc this weekend tired me OUT #i open my eyes a little bc yk when the car stops ur like what up and it was traffic #Then i turn to my right and my little sister is throwing up in a paper bag #im like whatt the fuck am i seeing this right #i tap my moms head to let her know her daughter is puking behind her bc shes not reacting or nothing #then she rolls her window down allllll the way so im like Cool she knows shes trying to air this place out! #oh yeah mind you my little sister and i are in the third row of the car luggages all around us shes sitting behind the seat that goes down #i have no exit point whatever happens in this back row i gotta breathe it live it be it #so my sister is sitting there w her paper bag and im like damn uhh shes not stopping this keeps going #she stops for a second to hand me a plastic bag w her shoes in it to open it then she goes back in and im like Shit! #her hands had throw up and now theres throw up on my hands while im trying to open the back w her adidas shoes #and she says oh no my shoes! before she has to accept the inevitable and hurls right on them #turns out the bag w her shoes had a hole in it… shit is all over her shirt and pants and seat and shoes #this is all happening very quickly by the way so the short traffic is done my dad is pressin on the gas w his life tryna get us home #no clue the absolute massacre going on behind him #i have to yell three times dad! can you pull over! his hearing is bad #my siblings r gagging acting like theyre the ones going through all this yelling at my little sister like shuttt the fuck up #my mom is like there r wipes in the bag behind you #so ok my dad pulls over my little sister absolutely covered in her own puke #im sitting there breathing through my mouth just handing her a shittt ton of wipes and new clothes #she changes her clothes in the middle seat and i start cleaning the seats fml #i get a new plastic bag from someone to put the wipes in and that has a hole too so some gets on my pants fml #we clean everything up and drive the rest of the thirty minutes back home #my siblings have their little masks face right out the window #i have absolutely no defenses against what just happened i put my face in clorox container #we get home my dad leaves us to pee but whatever and last but not fucking least the canelles drop all over the street

[maggotwithanf]

red fucking alert guys someone's flirting with my longtime crush by sending him editions of gay wwi poetry. i can't compete

#i give up #lol #:/ #tagged under “yeah man the guy i post about. that guy” #one day i'll fucking figure all this out right? one day. i'm visiting him next weekend for a few days #now why is my immediate response “fine then i give up. i'm so tired. god. fuck” #we've had a ???!!!????? going for almost a year?? bffs with bffenefits? #he's one of my closest pals #but he also is a) a hopeless romantic and #b) ugh man this is the guy who looks me in the eyes saying “pls murderboner i need a big dick goth man. dick optional” and “ur my favorite” #saying shit like “50% of gays don't know when ppl are flirting with them” and “i wanna be someone's mr darcy” and “if only we'd worked out” #i'm tired man wtf #maybe i'll just slam some negronis next weekend and be like [REDACTED] HOW DO YOU GODDAMN FEEL ABOUT ME. BE REAL FOR ONCE #but. DO I EVEN LIKE HIM #my heart is getting like fatigued just typing this fuck man i give up

[useful-boy]

Possibly the funniest trigger warning I've seen yet

Anyways did you guys know the billionaire submarine was actually Called Ocean Gate, or are you like me and thought it was another Gamer Gate/Pizza Gate situation

#i knew they were down there and the sub was shit but i didnt learn that it was actually called that until today #anyways i just think this tw is funny because like. is it specifically for people who dont wanna hear about the billionaire sub? #is it applied to Every post about submarines this person reblogs? #i feel like a general 'ocean' or 'deep ocean' tag would work fine since thats what submarines are exploring and all right? #or is the ocean fine but submarines specifically are a trigger for. someone out there i guess #inquiring minds would like to know #also the post this was on didnt even include any pictures. it was just a text post #unless that tag was talking about an addition to the post #edit: yeah okay there was no addition it was just a text post lol #and the word 'submarine' wasnt even IN the post it was just cracking a joke at the current submarine situation

[4brussels]

i have been obsessed with these two images

the first one i found when i googled "syringe". it appeared in one of those shopping things at the top of the images page

the second one was sent to me by a friend who said it was a very "me" image

i agree 100% i cannot get over this stupid bird image

if it weren't for the DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bird image i would probably have Big Syringe as my discord pfp instead

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #stupid ass bird i fucking love it so much #big syringe is a pretty close second tho #like cmon look at it thats some loony toons ass shit right there #all its missing is some capital G mystery Goop inside of it to inject into your enemies #its almost 6 am again smile #im having so much fun /sar #anyways gn #oh yeah ive seen that people have their own personal tags for shit but idk should i have one lol #would be a little funny maybe #idk ill figure something out later #for now have the ipa symbol for r-colored vowel cuz i just have it on my phone's clipboard #ɚ #tee-gan