#not always a bad thing

[don-dake]

『因為沒有存在感所以不會讓人覺得緊張，也不會因為她的存在而擾亂了自己的步調。』

～ 《在雨和夢之後》，柳 美里 作

(由 日文原作 《雨と夢のあとに》 翻譯)

“She doesn't let people feel anxious nor disrupt others' pace with her existence, because one doesn't get a sense of her existence.”

～ 《After the Rain and Dream》, by Yū Miri

(translated from the original Japanese 《雨と夢のあとに》)

#Continuing where I left off with this book #These lines stuck out to me #Always have been the *invisible* kind #Some may be just pretending I know but people around me tend to fail to notice me (as in literally not see me) a lot #Not always a bad thing #Like in the context of this book too it was meant to be a compliment #Yeah but it can get annoying or hurtful when you actually hope to be noticed! Anyway… #Relatable #Great Quotes #Books #Ame to Yume no Ato ni #Yu Miri #Dake Reads

[theshadowrealmitself]

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”

#star trek #Vulcans #Humans #not based on a specific thing #but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’ #who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field? #like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq #and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first #would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate #and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for #and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance #the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times #they were just dicks #and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it. #it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible #you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier #but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks. #that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on #and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post #but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks #and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be #replaced #hated that couple #if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us #(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀) #liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people #that no one else wanted to be friends with #I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone #this got long sorry 😭

[stuckinapril]

Honestly the cliche advice is true. If you fill your life w things you’re passionate about, if you challenge yourself every day, if you give your own opinion of yourself more weight than you do other people’s opinions of you, you will actually thrive. Like no one can tell u anything

#I’m just in a whole state of mind rn #there will always be ppl who try to bring u down but pursuing the things u love will help u rise above it. #I absolutely still get anxious / annoyed at things but I’m over it sm faster. and soon it won’t bother me at all. #or at least it’ll have a healthy duration. bc negative emotion isn’t always bad. negative emotion is important and we should not ignore it #but overall!! preserving my energy better. just need to work on my knee jerk responses & I’ll be set #text

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[sketchy-tour]

Redrew some of my old daycare attendant doodles as stress relief today

#The original doodles were not posted here I'm p sure and for good reason they are SO BAD #but I wanted to draw something but without need to think too hard so redrawing something old felt good enough #also featuring the whole nickname thing the DCA fandom was always so fond of. Do yall even still do that??? I havent been up to date #ah. The blorbos before wally #anyway #fnaf security breach #fnaf dca #dca fandom #dca fanart #daycare attendant #fnaf daycare attendant #self insert #self insert x canon #my art #sketches #much needed comfort art

[doriansbutt]

#poll #I know there’s things I’m forgetting lol #also note: things like ‘delulu’ and ‘neurospicy’ aren’t on there for a reason #and that’s because they’re just Bad Always #I wanna make a note on the OG post but it won’t let me put text under the poll? #I don’t hate all of these it’s just ones I could think of off the top of my head #idk man sometimes things just hit the wrong button I can’t explain it

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

I love how on Tumblr, "media literacy" has become "Um, just because someone writes about this doesn't mean they're endorsing this. I hate all these media puritans ruining everything."

I'm sad to inform you that knowing when and whether an author is endorsing something, implying something, saying something, is also part of media literacy. Knowing when they are doing this and when they're not is part of media literacy. Assuming that no author has ever endorsed a bad thing is how you fall for proper gander. It's not media literacy to always assume that nobody ever has agreed with the morally reprehensible ideas in their work.

Sometimes, authors are endorsing something, and you need to be aware when that happens, and you also need to be aware when you're doing it as an author. All media isn't horny dubcon fanfic where you and the author know it's problematic IRL but you get off to it in the privacy of your brain. Sometimes very smart people can convince you of something that'll hurt others in the real world. Sometimes very dumb people will romanticize something without realizing they're doing it and you'll be caught up in it without realizing that you are.

Being aware of this is also media literacy. Being aware of the narrative tools used to affect your thinking is media literacy. Deciding on your own whether you agree with an author or not is media literacy. Enjoying characters doing bad things and allowing authors to create flawed or cruel characters for the sake of a story is perfectly fine, but it is not the same as being media literate. Being smug about how you never think an author has bad intentions tells me you're edgy, not that you're media literate. You can't use one rule to apply to all media. That's not how media literacy works. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Aheem heem. Anyway.

#anyway this is just more of that lefty shit where 'well i can't be racist because i'm gay!' #'well i can't be media illiterate because i love villains!' #not how that works babes #'well I KNOW bad from good so i can't be affected by media!' #'everyone else also knows bad from good and defines it the exact way i do!' #'so if i think this is bad then the author must also think this is bad!' #i have bad news .... #also how do you know bad from good? who taught you that? hmm? #did you fall out of the womb knowing? or did you pick up some things on the way here? #'i just know' no you don't! that's what i'm saying! #assuming one thing is always true is the opposite of being a conscious consumer of media soz #assuming someone thinks and knows the exact same shit you think and know is not media literacy!!

[hyenaa-euphoria]

hope 1/???

more angst!! i am actually building an au around this comic but I’ve never done aus before so like this is new to me!!!

#catnap #dogday #poppy playtime #poppy playtime 3 #NOT SHIP ART!! #art #fanart #deep sleep #au #okay maybe ive tried to make an au before but it was like an undertale au with no thought process behind it i just thought the name of #the au would’ve been cool #anyways #muahahahahah #angst #maybe #comic #yeah #i always forget that one #dogday is having a bad hair day #poor guy #and catnap is just devoted man he wants freedom #who wouldnt #actually #and some of the little critters bit some of his ear off #just because #man those little things are like parasites

[puppyboygf]

a trans woman gets wrongfully deleted, falsely accused of making threats and is harassed by automattic's ceo, after years of trans women talking about how they are constantly having to deal with things like this, and days later, someone pedojackets another trans woman because they failed to read her website rules in their entirety, and less that a month after that, someone pedojackets yet another trans woman because of a months-old comment replying to a stranger, which she has already addressed repeatedly. not a fucking thing has been learned.

respect trans women. support trans women. actually treat them like human beings deserving of compassion and reflect on how public accusations of wrongdoings do not accomplish anything good, and are especially harmful to trans women, whether they're true or not (and most of the time, they're not true). and yes, love trans women too, but that goal cannot be reached without everything else.

#i'm sorry you're all having to deal with this. you deserve the world and so much more. i love you and you will always be my sisters #transmisogyny tw #and this isn't to mention all of the other shit like trans women still being deleted for criticizing staff/photomatt's treatment of avery #like there is just so much. #(this is also oversimplifying the accusations. like the website rules thing was obviously bad faith not just 'you missed a spot.' #and the thing with the comment was also obviously malicious.)

[markscherz]

‘But I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everyone & everything’

- Charles Darwin. Letter to Charles Lyell, 1 October 1861

#Darwin #quotes #famous quotes #Charles Darwin #always remember that everyone has bad days sometimes #even the people who look like they are productive beyond human capacity #sometimes it’s important to just acknowledge it and see that there are good things to come #but right now is just shit #anyway I have a flu or something #and right now I hate everyone and everything #and my immune system most of all #and the parents who send their sick and contagious kids to daycare #and the evolution of viruses #who tbh have absolutely no business to be wreaking such havoc on the more organised domains of life #about me #sorry to be a downer #your usual frog-related content will resume after a brief intermission #I realise that posting quotes is super cringe #sorry about that #at least some of you probably haven’t seen this quote before #so you’ve learned something today #and I’ve gotten to vent #win-win?

[stuckinapril]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation #which led me to think i'm the problem #that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc #that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not #even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc #my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me #does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things #p

[sunlitsoil]

there is always tomorrow

#lovecore #hopecore #webweaving #the presence of love is beautiful in itself #you got this #self care #self love #recovery #healing #hopepunk #recovery is not linear it is okay to have bad days you have the entirety of your life to have a better day #i wish anyone reading this a good life #i love you #you are loved #and i hope you will find happiness in the small things #i’ve been struggling a lot recently but i always remind myself the good set in store for me and look up places in the city i’ll move to #and it motivates me a bunch so i hope u all find things to strive towards mwah

[super-nova5045]

overall the fnaf movie was a 10/10 experience! josh hutcherson should be in more movies where he can whimper

#nova getting a tiny wee bit unhinged on main... #look. ive ALWAYS had a thing for mike schmidt/michael afton #embarrassing? yeah... #josh hutcherson was BORNNNN to play him though!!! #when he was in pain and like whining my friend and i were SCREAMING so loud it was quite bad #fnaf #fnaf movie #five nights at freddys #mike schmidt #fuck five nights at FREDDYS he can stay five nights at my house... #until his dead brother comes back to life!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[dragondawdles]

did an art sprint challenge thing tonight have a sub-2 hour deku link

#legend of zelda #loz #tatl #link #link mm #majoras mask #young link #deku link #dragon doodles #id in alt #tried to capture that epic and goated n64 swag #but tatl's a bristly little thing as a treat #did this for the lu server sprint prompts they're doing this week for their anniversary but I'm really happy with it actually so I share :] #sorry for no art lately btw... had a markedly Bad start to the year and it kinda knocked me off the art game (I may elaborate later) #but I think this was a good piece for that! played it fast and loose and a little weird and it worked pretty well actually #more art's always 'a cookin. slowly but surely

[sunlit-mess]

I don't hold grudges, that anger feeds into self-loathing instead.

#messyr #vent art #vent post #just confusing things I wanted to get out #as much as i want to 'hate' them- i cant #no matter how bad they get- i always forgive them and it hurts. But why does it feel wrong to feel hurt- that i'm not supposed to feel hurt #my mind has been altered so much idfk what to think and feel abt sometimes LMAO #one of those birds in a gilded cage AHAHA #learned helplessness #bpd #sometimes i wonder if i get out of this cycle of abuse