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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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saturn through the houses

saturn in the 1st house: there's an ability present here to make friendships very quickly due to your dependable nature. you keep your word and your promises no matter what. the insecurities and inferiority complexes you felt in your childhood give you the push to pursue your ambitions and work hard; you never want to feel that way again. you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be better. loyal to your core. spontaneity comes hard to you because you're extremely calculated in the risks you take. be careful of how much stress you're inducing yourself with in the name of hard work. very sarcastic!!!! and mature. you have trouble expressing your true self and your original nature. there might be childhood memories you're repressing that are causing this fear of expressing yourself + your opinions. you're characterized by a lot of independence that makes it hard for you to ask others for help. there's a love for contemplation that enables you to achieve wisdom + deep knowledge.

saturn in the 2nd house: saturn here sets a clear mission on developing self-worth and self-confidence while not tying it to material gains. you may have suffered a period of poverty in your childhood that led you to truly understand the importance of money and how its lack can affect everyone's mental and physical health. now, there's an underlying anxiety about losing stability once again and going back to that dark place. you feel weird whenever you have too much money to spare because your parents might've been very stingy and didn't allow you to buy anything more than the necessary. because of that, you deeply value everything you buy. saturn here teaches you the importance of not obsessing over gaining money while working hard - and most importantly, with integrity - to attain worldly achievements. you shouldn't let greed obscure your morals nor should you feel worthless for not being rich yet - you're worthy of love no matter what.

saturn in the 3rd house: you're very anxious about your intelligence; you've spent the majority of your younger years believing your intellect to be inferior. you believed yourself to be dumb as a reflection of others' perceptions of you; your parents might have been very hard on you and you struggled to meet their impossibly high standards. saturn here gives you a mission of shedding yourself off of your fears or not being skillful and smart enough, and as you grow older, you begin to understand how impressive your capabilities truly are: you have a highly analytical and perceptive yet chaotic mind, understand things with great depth, and you're extremely strategic. you must also deal with your fear of criticism and learn to express your opinions more bravely. there’s a tendency for shyness. great listener. you hate superficiality of any kind; there's a dislike for small-talk present here, you much rather learn and talk about your various interests.

saturn in the 4th house: from a very young age, your parents placed a duty on your shoulders of being highly responsible, as if reversing the roles: you were expected to play the adult, being forced out of your childhood so you could be the one to provide stability. you might not have received much attention nor affection from your parents, which gave you a sense of feeling abandoned. to compensate for the lack of attention you received as a child, you want to overcompensate by being extra dutiful and responsible, and by being extremely caring and protective of those around you. your restrictive childhood now makes you fearful of expressing emotions + recognizing your emotional needs, and you fear that you'll never achieve happiness and a sense of fulfillment. you feel like it's your duty to speak the truth and stand up for others. very reserved about your personal life. more than anything, you want a place to feel like home; a place that you can retreat to and heal and be at peace when everything gets too much.

saturn in the 5th house: you might feel like your light has been dimmed by a parental figure from a very young age. one or both parents might've been very harsh and insulting towards your capabilities and personality, making it hard for you to recognize your potential. there's an underlying anxiety every time you're supposed to feel happy because you fear it might be taken away from you at any moment. saturn here makes it your mission to recognize the words that were thrown at you in your childhood as them projecting their own insecurities, and for you to rebuild your sense of self through self-love and pride in yourself. even if you feel anxious whenever you're having fun, you're incredibly playful and you yearn for a lot of attention. you're very spontaneous and sociable, and you always manage for others to have a great time when around you. there's a tendency to ignore your inner child as a way of acting responsibly, which in return makes you feel a block in your creativity; and exploring your creative side is very important. you can work extremely hard, please remind yourself to take a break from time to time.

saturn in the 6th house: you strive for perfection in everything you do. you work so hard to try to achieve it, but more often than not, you feel like you can't meet the high standards you set for yourself, which can cause a lot of frustration and self-deprecating thoughts, like believing you're not enough. this can be severely damaging for both your physical and mental health, and induce a lot of stress and overthinking. it's like you're constantly on this battle to one-up yourself, to always improve and be better. saturn here communicates the urge to understand that perfection is an ideal and not something you should strive to achieve because it'll kill your enjoyment of whatever it is that you're trying to be better at, and you have a mission to be gentler with yourself, to work on your self-critical nature and to feel proud of yourself for everything that you've achieved instead of criticizing yourself for not doing better. there's also a need to take care of your health, to keep healthy habits and not neglect your physical needs.

saturn in the 7th house: you’re one of the most loyal people ever, you take relationships very seriously. you love consistency and understand that it's very important to nurture a relationship daily in order to keep it strong, so you're very dependable and you expect that from the people in your life too. saturn here indicates the importance of cultivating a healthy, reliable source of self-love so that your relationships with others will also remain strong. but the problem with being so committed is that you might stay in a relationship that no longer makes you happy for much longer than you want to - please remember to put yourself and your happiness first. you might also constantly wonder if there's anyone out there for you who will love you as deeply as you love others and who is as committed as you. love and forming meaningful connections might come very hard to you; it's like you're constantly putting walls between yourself and others due to your fear of vulnerability + difficulty in trusting others.

saturn in the 8th house: you're a hard worker and very patient, extremely loyal when it comes to relationships, and disciplined. there's a tendency to fear change here, to avoid it at all costs as something painful. saturn here gives you the mission to learn to accept transformation as not only inevitable but necessary to your growth as an individual. this placement indicates a fear of abandonment due to what you've experienced in your childhood + your past relationships; now, you have difficulty trusting others because you fear being betrayed, which also causes you to be very secretive and to fear opening up to others, and to feel deeply hurt by things that others would consider insignificant. this can cause a lot of issues in your relationship with intimacy, money and your unconscious, affecting your mental health and making you indulge in unhealthy coping mechanisms. deeply spiritual, but this is something you might fear. transformation leaves room for enormous growth when it comes to wisdom.

saturn in the 9th house: even in your day-to-day life, you're constantly concentrating on profound issues, thinking about your beliefs, philosophy, religion, etc. if you were forced into adopting a religion when you were younger, there's a chance you might discard religion now, adopting an atheist or nihilistic point of view. you're very skeptical of others' beliefs, preferring to stick to your own because you're not so impressionable, which can work to your detriment. saturn here gives you the urge to practice more open-mindedness, to broaden your perspectives with extensive learning, specialization in an area, intellectual debates and traveling. saturn also teaches you discipline. you might have a fear of expanding your horizons because you understand how harsh and cruel the world can be, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from satiating your innate curiosity. you always advocate for what you believe in, even when all others are too scared to do it, and that's your strength. as the world evolves, so do your personal beliefs and morals, which you continuously work on.

saturn in the 10th house: you feel a very strong urge to accomplish greatness and achieve success, and you might deal with a lot of fear and anxiety because of the burden you've placed on your shoulders. the truth is: you're terrified of failure. you're a hard worker and perfectionist by nature, wanting to be in control of everything. with saturn placed here, you must learn that to fail is to be human and that there's plenty to learn from committing mistakes. you might take more responsibilities than you can handle, resulting in added stress, so you should learn to ask others for help whenever you need it. you're determined to be successful at the same time that you fear achieving everything you want and still feeling like it wasn't enough. you must learn to stop doubting yourself, and the confidence you will build throughout life will be necessary because you truly are destined for greatness, not because of destiny but the drive and zeal you possess makes you so. remember to take a break from time to time, and to cherish what you've already achieved.

saturn in the 11th house: you have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few close friends that you trust. you're attracted to mature, serious people who have a clear life purpose, and most of your friends might be older than you. you hate superficiality of all kinds and don't want anything to do with dull people, and you take your friendships very seriously. sometimes, you might take your friendships too seriously, and they can start to become a burden to you. you need a lot of alone time for introspection and, when you’re wanting to ecape your own mind, you might fluctuate between isolation and spending entire weeks going out (even if you feel more alone than ever in the middle of a crowd). there's a clear sense of justice here, a necessity to do what's right. more than anything, you're terrified of losing your identity, of being seen as normal and ordinary, or just as a part of a crowd, and that feeling constantly nags at you whenever you're interacting with others. there's a clear mission here to not let your restless feelings take away your passion from life and to drown out your immense potential. you must be brave when determining what you want out of life, when finding the right path for you. the efforts you take into helping the collective help you grow wiser and more mature. you're very strict about who you surround yourself with, and saturn here urges you to work on accepting the differences between everybody and on your tolerance, and to ease your necessity to be in control.

saturn in the 12th house: you feel things very intensely, and you often feel completely overwhelmed by your emotions. very sensitive, you can be fearful and insecure and often doubt yourself. here, saturn urges you to fight against your inner demons: this placement represents the fear of the unknown, the fear you feel when dealing with the uncertainty of spirituality, your deep feelings and darkest thoughts. you might fear how complex you are, and feel this sense of guilt about everything without knowing where it comes from. you might need a lot of alone time to restore your energy - but even though you tend to use isolation as a form of escapism, you yearn to become a part of the collective because you have great healing and communicative energy. the problem is that, even though there's a war going inside your mind, you don't want to ask for help because you don't want to be deemed weak or like you depend on others. you might spend a lot of time having discussions with yourself as you escape reality. you should learn to trust others and learn to face your demons instead of locking them away. the lesson here is to accept yourself for who you are. in this house, spirituality would help you achieve great wisdom. there's a potential for great talent in the arts.

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dyketubbo · 3 years

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when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

#i took like 5 hours on this hope you appreciate it max /lh #i enjoy classpecting though and i enjoy tubbo even more so its alright #dsmp #tubbo #dsmp classpects #hs #angel answers #long post #(iirc about 14 or 16 paragraphs maybe?#*)

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that-bi-bitch-writes · 3 years

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A Cursed Reality- JJK x Male Reader (Ch. 3)

This has a couple time skips. They aren't huge and I didn't know how to format it so I just put little dashes to imply there are time skips.

A lot of this material is taken straight from the manga and adapted a little to fit [Name] and there's a hint to his greater power/purpose in the story as well as his background. Enjoy!!!

Previous // Next

Chapter Three: In hindsight [Name] probably should’ve minded his own business. Actually, NO. He was going to blame everything on Gojo. If Gojo hadn’t sent him on that mission to play dutiful senpai [Name] never would’ve gotten involved with Sukuna’s vessel beyond being his upperclassman. But noooo. Now [Name] actually feels something for Itadori, including an obligation to check on the kid. Yuji would most likely be fine, he was being protected by Gojo, and like [Name]’s favorite Sensei, Yaga seems to at least consider Gojo’s opinion when making decisions. His power is well respected regardless of whether or not the blue-eyed Sorcerer is liked. The problem, in [Name]’s own words, was ‘that damn principal’ who liked to torture some of the more problematic recruits. Yaga of course called it a form of vetting. He didn’t want to enroll any students that would die way too easily or cause more problems than they were worth. With people like Yuji and [Name] the whole vetting process became troublesome. Straightforward but complex. They didn’t hide anything really and didn’t have any secret motives, but there were a lot of unknowns in their lives. Especially about where they came from and how they would act in the heat of the moments. ---------------- “Whoa! It’s in the mountains? Is this really Tokyo?” “This isn;t actually out of the ordinary for a tokyo suburb” “What about Fushiguro?” “He’s fast asleep after receiving jujutsu treatment” -------------------------------- “Fushiguro-kun!” “Hmm” “Fushiguro!” “[Name]-senpai” “Where is Gojo-sensei? Is he back with Yuji yet?” “I’ve been asleep, but Gojo-sensei said he’d leave at 6am” “That was three hours ago” “Yeah” “Good! So they haven’t made it to the principal yet. Sweet dreams Fushiguro-kun” “I’ll come with you” “You’ll need your rest” “But-” “Sleep” and with that [Name] darted out the door hearing Megumi’s body hit the mattress once again. [Name] had to warn Yuji about the principal. Knowing Gojo he’d probably stress the kid out and throw him to the gorilla. Yaga of course being the gorilla. ------------------------------------------- “First thing’s first, Yuji--” Gojo started “You’ve got an interview with the principal.” “The principal?” “If you mess up, you might get rejected for admission, so stay frosty, okay?” “WHAT!? DOES THAT MEAN I CAN GET EXECUTED RIGHT AWAY? Yuji shrieked “What a disappointment... I thought you were the leader… A hierarchy not based purely on strength is boring if you ask me” Sukuna raged on before being slapped into silence. “Sorry Sensei, He comes out sometimes….” “What an interesting body you have now.” Gojo noticed “I owe you a debt, after all” “Not again” Yuji shouted Sukuna ignored Yuji and continued “When I make this Kid’s body mine… You’ll be the first one I kill!” “Silence” “Me a target of the great sukuna? What an honor!” Gojo continued as if nothing had happened Sukuna hadn’t disappeared yet but couldn’t open his mouth. [Name]’s cursed command had a little more strength in it than normal. Gojo may have been immature, unfairly attractive (something that pissed [Name] off for reasons “unrelated” to jealousy) and extremely annoying, but he was the closest thing [Name] had to family. He was there to drag [Name] from out of the wreckage after the accident and he was the first person to welcome [Name] to Jujutsu Tech. So yeah, Sukuna’s threat pissed [Name] off a bit. Yuji finally shook Sukuna off and continued to talk to Gojo. About what [Name] has no clue, the two of them were easily excitable and all over the place. In the meantime he was trying to think of advice to give to Yuji before he was thrown into Gorilla territory. Yaga wouldn’t let [Name] stay for the interview and [Name]’s not exactly sure he’d want to anyway. “Hey Puppy!” “Puppy?” ‘Oh shit’ [Name] thought ‘I totally meant to say Yuji. Okay [Name] just breeze past it’

“You’re going into some dangerous territories/ That old man will be looking for a reason to throw you out. Don’t screw up. Just be yourself... but like the you on ADHD meds” Gojo couldn’t help but snicker and [Name] shot him a look as if to communicate ‘the same can be said about you Satoru’ before walking away. “Thanks [Name]-san!” Yuji called after the retreating boy. He then became incredibly serious “Sensei. You said you’d win. But between [Name] and Sukuna… would he lose?” “I don’t know if he’d win” Gojo said before a pregnant pause “But he wouldn’t die. I know that for sure.” Within Yuji, Sukuna hummed in curiosity. That boy had no trouble overpowering Sukuna. And with one word at that. Of course, right now he had only the strength of one finger, but for the boy not to break a sweat. He couldn’t help but think things were getting interesting. ----------------------- “This is your room, you can do whatever you want with it.” “Whoa it’s huge” “The second- and third-years are out right now. You’ll meet them soon enough. Though there’s not many of them anyway” Yuji whistled, putting up a poster of a woman in a bikini before pausing. “What about [Name]? He asked “Is he out too?" “I actually don’t know. It depends. You see [Name] has a very special relationship with the other second years and sometimes that means trouble for missions, so it’s a 50/50 chance on whether or not he’s still here” Yuji hmmed and Gojo stared at him in silence. “Yuji you don’t need to fight, you know. Fushiguro and I can go and retrieve Sukuna’s fingers. Why don’t you just wait here?” Yuji faced the wall and seemed to be immersed in thought. In all honesty both he and Gojo knew what the answer would be. Only one day was needed to figure out the type of person Yuji was. “No! I said I’d do it didn’t I? But it would be hilarious to see a beaten-up Fushiguro bring the fingers to me while I relax” Both he and gojo thought about it a little. Gojo agreed it would be funny. “Okay! To be honest there’s no way you’re not fighting” “Hey! Was that a test?!” “If they were that easy to find we would’ve found them already! There are some with a large overwhelming presence. Others that keep quiet. And some that have already been consumed by a cursed spirit. “With regard to searching for these things… It’s gonna be a pain. But now we have you. In order to regain its power… The sukuna you consumed will direct you to the whereabouts of the fingers. You’re a vessel as well as a radar. We’re gonna need you in the field” “I don’t think the guy inside me’s that considerate...” “I think we’ll be able to come to a win-win agreement” Gojo concluded “Huh you’re next door? There’re a bunch of empty rooms aren’t there?” “Hey! Fushiguro! You finally look better! And [Name]’s with you” “What kind of an upperclassman would I be if I didn’t check on the first years. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re all happy and healthy” [Name] said trying to keep up some charade of being a good student. “You woke me up very aggressively” Fushiguro countered “That’s neither here nor there” “I thought it’d be more fun and lively this way. And obviously I was right” Gojo answered Fushiguro’s question pointing to an oblivious Yuji who was looking at [Name] with pure adoration in his eyes. [Name] looked at the pink haired boy with well hidden fondness. If you didn’t already know [Name], you’d think the blank look on his face meant he hated the kid Fushiguro stared at them for a moment before realizing he’d rather argue than let Gojo be right. “Classes and missions are more than enough!” “Anyway… It’s fine!!! More importantly we’re goin’ out tomorrow!!” Both Yuji and Megumi stared at Gojo. Yuji in surprise, Fushiguro in annoyance “We’re going to get the third first-year student. “Count me out” [Name] spoke up reminding everyone that he too was still there “I’ve got somewhere to be” “Ooh [Name] has a daate” “Can it old man. I’m just going somewhere with Toge” “How is that any different from what I just said”

[Name] ignored the teacher and stalked off toward the second year dorms. “See you later puppy, emo kid”

“Wait for me!” Gojo called out chasing after the second year “I’ve got something to talk to you about”

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“So who’s Toge?”

“Inumaki-senpai’s a second year and the one of the only people [Name] likes in this school. I can count them all on one hand.”

-----------------------------

“So,” [Name] paused “What did you want to talk about?”

“Yuji’s at risk. I can tell you kinda care about him and Megumi so I’m going to use that. When I’m gone you have to protect them. Any means necessary. That includes cursed storytelling”

[Name]’s eyes widened at the mention of his technique. The power itself wasn’t as strong as a domain, but in [Name]’s hands it was deadly. Only he and Gojo knew about it, and if Gojo wanted him to use it, he had no choice.”

“Okay”

#male reader #x male reader #male reader insert #reader insert #a cursed reality #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #jjk x m!reader #male!reader #jujutsu kaisen #inumaki x you #that bi bitch writes

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dreamofmysoul-tsc · 3 years

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Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important.

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand.

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently.

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic.

Now let’s get started.

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer.

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption.

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way.

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world.

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in.

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to.

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

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Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view.

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

#tsc #tlh #matthew fairchild #elias carstairs #personal #just wanted to get my opinion out there #this has been nagging at me for a while #thanks for reading #this is as personal as im ever gonna get with yall i promise

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uniarycode · 3 years

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Takari Week Day 4 - Rainy Day

Yes I skipped 2 days I'll get on that

Could one cry tears of joy and sorrow at the same time?

Set ~year 2 of college. Written as part of @takariweek

Warnings: cheating, break-ups, some T-rated topics

Hikari always liked the feeling of rain. Especially warm rain, a gentle shower, caressing and cleansing her body.

She’d heard that rain was the tears of the gods. If that was true, then she wondered if they were tears of joy or relief, liquid stress escaping the body and purifying the soul. Or if they were tears of loss, of mourning that which would never again come to be.

Perhaps, someone could discover which her tears were as well.

They were well hidden, salt deluded by freshwater a thousand times stronger. No observer could tell if her sniffles were from her heart or the cold. From the pain of losing a lover, or the relief of no longer having to hide herself.

All was washed away from the rain. Perhaps if she were lucky, it would cleanse her sins as well.

The rain had started gently, but the absence came abruptly. The pitter-patter on plastic giving unwanted shelter.

“Don’t you think you’re wet enough?” a familiar voice teased, he bent down to her ear, not caring if her hair dripped all over him as he did. “Want me to get you even wetter?”

That was part of the problem, or the solution. She was still unsure whether her problems had increased or decreased.

Hikari shook her head lightly, slow enough that her hair would not whip him in the face. She pushed her eyes closed. There was very little she trusted right now, her voice, her eyes, her breath, all would betray her to him.

“You’re crying.” He said, a hand gently placed on her soaking shoulder, “Hikari what happened?”

Perhaps it was the gods that had betrayed her, perhaps Takeru just knew her too well. She took a deep breath to voice her crime. “Kamando.”

The blond jumped, “Yuki?” she did not react, but he took it as acceptance, anyway. “Since you’re using his last name, I take it things are not going well? Is it because…you know.”

She nodded; eyes fixated on her shoes. “He doesn’t know-know, but well, he thinks he knows. He decided it would be better to stop.”

“I see, I’m sorry you had to go through this because of me.” He said, moving his hand down her arm.

‘Sorry you had to go through this’ he had said. He did not say he was sorry that it happened, nor did he say he regretted his actions. Because both would be a lie, and she knew it better than anyone.

Miyako had once said that no girl could resist Takeru Takaishi, not when he positioned them squarely in his crosshairs. Hikari had laughed it off at the time, Takeru’s foreign looks, kind personality, and silver-tongued compliments had earned him a certain reputation in high school, but irresistible he was not.

She still believed that, she just knew better than to believe it applied to herself.

But then, he’d only teased her, only coaxed. He had followed her tempo, offered words of warning, advised her against continuing, even as he’d non-verbally begged her to stay.

She’d been the one to cross every line, to move past boundaries she thought she’d never break, pulling him deeper into her sin. Despite his reputation, he had saved himself for her, that final first. After learning that, how could she resist? How could she stop herself from coming back every time?

He had told her many things about their forbidden relationship, none of them were regrets, and he didn’t look to be starting now.

“We should get you home. Hypothermia always liked you far more than you like it.” He said, hand sliding further down her arm to her wrist, grabbing it gently to pull her forward. If she were in better spirits, he would have risked her hand.

The umbrella was not large enough to cover them both at an arms-length, and she did not have the energy to keep up with him, allowing him to drag her along. Despite the fact he was dry and she was soaked, he still chose her anyway, allowing his second hand to hang back. To shield her from the rain.

A gesture designed to be gentlemanly, but ultimately impractical.

Thankfully her apartment was not too far, by the time they got there, he was still dryer than she was. She did not care that he was leading her through the building. He held that right long before her now-ex, and he would hold it long after as well.

He moved through her apartment as if it was his own, obtaining some towels and bring them back to her, at least until she was dry enough not to drip all over the hardwood. Hikari found herself guided to her bed, another towel placed to save the blankets, as he fished out a change in clothes.

Takeru had left her alone to get changed, not that she saw much of a point to it, and made himself useful in the absence to make some tea.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked when he finally deemed her dry and healthy enough.

She didn’t respond.

“You aren’t crying.” He observed.

She wasn’t whether that was because her tear ducts were depleted or simply because he was there, she didn’t know. The latter seemed too harsh, too cruel to her ex, she was worried it was true.

He placed his hand inside hers, giving a light squeeze.

“I don’t know.” She finally said. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this. I’m sad, I’m happy, I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m guilty, I’m relieved. He didn’t know, he broke up with me, but I was the one who broke his heart, but…”

“But?” he coaxed, using his thumb to massage the back of her hand.

“But…” she took a deep breath. “Because I broke his heart, I didn’t have to break yours. I don’t think I ever could.”

“I don’t either, whatever happens to me, so long as your happy, I’m happy.”

Although that made her feel better, it didn’t reassure her.

“How can I feel like this? It’s like my emotions are doing summersaults.”

“People are complex. We knew this wouldn’t be tearless for a while now. If you didn’t like him, you would have broken up with him ages ago. If you wanted to keep him, you would have at the very least, admitted it.”

“I’m selfish.” She said, “I wanted him, I wanted you more. If I had just kept my hands to myself, no one would be hurting.”

“That’s good.” He said, “I’m biased though, but you always worry too much about others, being selfish for once is a good thing.”

“But he-”

Takeru silenced her with a kiss.

“The game of love is very dangerous, we all know that: he took a risk, you took a risk, I took a risk. Sometimes risks hurt. But a bad outcome does not mean a bad decision. Hikari, do you regret any of your decisions?”

The answer was surprisingly cruel.

“I don’t. I don’t regret saying yes to him, I don’t regret going on dates, I don’t regret him. I don’t regret you.” It was very selfish of her, but it was true.

“I don’t regret it either.” Takeru said, pulling her close, “And I can’t speak for Yuki, but I don’t think he regrets it either, other than the ending, which was his choice.”

They remained entangled for moments, minutes, perhaps days. Hikari felt her emotions continue to fluctuate, but in Takeru’s presence, no more sobs escaped.

“What does this make us?” she asked when her voice found strength once again.

“A thousand poets working for a thousand years could not begin to describe what we are Hikari, there’s no reason to try on such a dark day. We are Hikari and Takeru. We are complex. Whatever we want others to see us as can wait until later.”

She nodded. “Then stay with me, a bit longer.”

“As long as you need.”

She wondered if she could make him regret that. She didn’t know if the nerve required to face the world alone would ever come to her. But for now, she would bask in his presence, hear the pitter-patter of rain on her window, as she let the gods shed her ambivalent tears for her.

#digimon #takari #takari week #takeru takashi #hikari yagami #so much catching up to do

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c0smicheaux · 4 years

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Twelfth House In The Signs

Aries-

When the twelfth house is set in the sign of Aries, it is almost always a sign that problems with healthy boundaries will be present in a person’s life. Others will intrude in their world as if they had no membranes to recognize and defend themselves from those who steal their energy. In time, they will have to “remember” what it was like to follow the passion within, fight for their rights , yell at others if that is what the moments asks for, and be true about everything that is on their mind. While Aries would like to have a certain goal and aim all its energy towards it, this energy seems to get bent here only to end up in a strange subconscious state where it is neither manifested nor used. This is a position that speaks of a past life that ended in aggression, in the army or from fire weapons, sharp objects, and most often “before one’s time.”

Taurus-

If the twelfth house is in the sign of Taurus, the mystery of the material world can remain a hidden for years, as well as hedonism and the chase for satisfaction in this material world. This is a position typical for those who have never felt real pleasure, and everyone with secret sexual encounters, or at least those who have the need to eat hidden from everyone else. Spirituality and real talents fall into the sign ruled by Venus, meaning creativity and inspiration come as a given, but only once they are discovered and approached studiously. True intimacy is found in secret bonds, and warmth will have to be built in solitude, realizing at first just how much we are worth and only later starting to search for someone who will recognize this. If one wants to make their dreams come true, this position is perfect, for it brings the Earth into our personal dreamland, making everything we imagine possible.

Gemini-

The twelfth house in Gemini isn’t very easy because of its Piscean nature and everything it has to do with emotion as an entity entirely apart from rational thought. Speech can be impaired, while those with lower self-esteem easily turn to gossip and matters that aren’t theirs to discuss to begin with. This is also a position that could give a wonderful talent for languages, words and writing. It is a shame to use it on other people and spend too much time thinking of their business, abilities and weaknesses. Those born with the twelfth house in Gemini must have ended their past life with a vast desire to speak their mind, share their inner truth, and express their personality in some way. Ties that get created here will manifest through strange friendships and their relationships with children, but most of the time, they will manifest through difficulties in their mind they cannot fully explain.

Cancer-

With the twelfth house in the sign of Cancer, you can see a family secret instantly, as well as the tendency to idealize one or both of the parents. This is a burden of an entire family tree and a mark that debts were left in spheres of the emotional and the fragile within. Strange matters are hiding in the twelfth house and when Cancer is here, you can see these strange matters in one’s home and intimate relationships. Depending on a very personal position of the Moon, we will see how well incorporated this can be in their everyday life and if disappointment is their family story or not. The emphasis on sensitive emotion is also seen here, and we will come to find that the twelfth house cusp in any Water sign gives one the ability to feel what others feel, often being unable to recognize where one person ends and their emotional body begins.

Leo-

When the twelfth house begins in Leo, the personality itself seems to be strange, sensitive, and unknown. These individuals will have to learn about their power and their inner truth, while they remain in the blurry waters hidden from plain sight. This is often a signal that previous life carried a story of success, and image that was maintained and remained important to the person until they died. It can be extremely rewarding if unconscious memories of it are pleasant and bring confidence and peace. However, if there was any dishonesty in their approach once upon a time, this will be the life to rectify it, accept the flaws in others, those we don’t want to see and don’t want to show, and find brothers and sisters in crime finally set free from self-criticism. Since the clear image of one’s Self is blurry, overall good of the mankind will be important to these people, as well as humanitarian efforts they often turn to at some point in their lives.

Virgo-

If the twelfth house is in Virgo, we can almost imagine the mechanism in a person’s mind making them seem stupid when they want to show how smart they are, and incredibly intelligent at the most unpredictable situations. They will rely on their brains while practical matters will keep some of their mystery at all times. Ties created here will have to do with old, used things, those that can or cannot be fixed. That halfway principle of Virgo can be quite difficult when we speak of someone’s twelfth house, for dreams tend to get crushed by reality, sensitivity by common sense, and vice versa. If a person with the twelfth house in Virgo wants to find happiness, they have to realize where their true talent lies, so they can use it and share it with the world. Very often their talents will be found in writing, detailed analysis or communication with the strangest of beings here on planet Earth.

Libra-

With the twelfth house in Libra it seems inevitable to lie or be lied to, and usually both. Still, if we put this aside, we can see the magical story of Libra in this mysterious house and realize that someone we once left behind is there for us to find them again in this life. Things that were lost in our twelfth house have a tendency to show themselves someday. This goes specifically for great loves, and with strongly set Venus, even greater loving relationships. If Venus is not that strong in this kind of horoscope, the obvious debt has to be repaid through emotional sacrifice of some kind. In most cases, this will develop through a romantic relationship in which the trust has been broken, finally liberating the person from unrealistic expectations. This is always someone talented to recognize beauty, often artistic and with a knack for drawing or music. However, they have to be very careful not to disrespect people around them in any way so that their personality has room to grow.

Scorpio-

The twelfth house in Scorpio is an interesting place. Something as taboo and as hidden as Scorpio rarely finds an appropriate secretive hideout, but this position allows them to. The most unfortunate thing here lies in one’s ability to bury their own feelings, doings, or aspirations, finally ending up without any awareness of their true inner light. This is the sign that speaks of our shadows and everything we want to bury and dismiss along the way, and when it is set in such a secretive house, shoving things under the rug becomes a routine. This can make these people explode in numerous ways, ending up in strange circumstances, weird conversations, interventions, institutions or even jail. To see the magic in Scorpio this person has to be truly and deeply open-minded, fully willing to accept the most devastating, darkest and most dangerous emotions they carry within.

Sagittarius-

When the twelfth house is set in Sagittarius, we usually see someone who has no idea where they are going. Being lost seems to be the congenital disease in these people and they have no way of knowing where they want to end up. Ties were made to the most distant of places, and past life regression could help them discover where they have lived and what makes them lose their place and their hopes. Beliefs have to be examined, as well as their religion views. Blessings will come from the most unexpected people and places, and although there are a lot of secrets to be expected in lives of others, these individuals are able to sense anyone’s goodness of heart from miles away. This is a very strong position for spiritual work and meditation, but if they don’t get enough sleep, they risk their entire life passing them by.

Capricorn-

With the twelfth house in Capricorn, there is no knowing which responsibility falls under whose jurisdiction. The difficulty of this setting hides in the inability to see that a strong foundation makes all the work, and while good ideas can come a long way, they aren’t easily materialized if hard work isn’t put in. Even though it might not seem like it, this is one of the most demanding positions in the twelfth house, for it speaks of karmic ties and our strong, physical connection to past life experiences. Strange things will manifest as circumstances that are hard to avoid or overcome, with many obstacles standing in one’s way towards liberation. If Saturn is strong in a person’s chart, there will be a sense of security, wisdom and unconscious power in doing the right thing, and that will become a wind in their sails and open them up for real inner experience of faith.

Aquarius-

The twelfth house in Aquarius speaks of a stressful death that happened in our past life. This is a place of stress and strange mental orientation, pulling strongly with its humane gravity and the unconscious need to set free, set apart from everyone else, and sink into all natural oppositions as if there was no other way. Mending the differences and finding middle ground seems distant and impossible to these individuals, as if they had a talent for true friendship, but lack of awareness for those who don’t fall into this category. They need to learn to be humane, so charity work will come in handy, especially if they are the secret benefactor nobody knows about. Their eccentricity will make them happy but in secret and in silence, with as little words said as possible. Even though they might be on the mission of solitude, they are often calmed by the peace of their marriage and relationships that represent a good basis for their personality rather than making them feel at home.

Pisces-

If the twelfth house is set in the sign of Pisces, all secrets will be sunk even deeper than in other cases. This practically means that all digging through subconscious matter will have to be thorough and results will seem more distant than those others tend to dig up. Usually, these individuals tend to look forwards, fully unaware of their dependencies and ties to the mysteries of their distant past. They will live their lives unaware of their own inner faith, needing healthy sleeping routine in order to stay in a calm and peaceful state. In many cases, these people will sleep every day for eight hours, avoiding late nights out or losing sleep over any burning issues at hand. They understand that the night is not to be messed with and hide from their own family in plain daylight. With true faith in the background, it would be good to raise awareness about their talents and their true life within, however scary that might seem.

Source;Astrology-Zodiac-Signsdotcom

#Astrology #Astrology Facts #Astrology Posts #Astrology House #house astrology #houses in the signs #twelfth house #astrology post #astrology fact

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nagitolovebug · 3 years

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How did komahina co-parent at first? How was hajimes reaction to the twins? Did bebi like getting siblings

komahina's co-parenting at first was...definitely an Ordeal. not even because of bebi, but bc komahina is a mess. originally hajime was very insecure about his role in bebi's life, as he had very clearly asserted himself as a separate person from izuru and that he was going to live as hajime and not someone else- so wouldn't that make bebi Not his kid? sure, they're his genetically, but in theory.... that was the dilemma he dealt with. he'd already grown attached to them when he was caring for them while nagito was still in a coma and worries now that nagito has woken up, his job is done, and that nagito won't want him around bebi anymore. in turn, nagito is worried that bc hajime is asserting himself as separate from izuru that he doesn't see bebi as his kid and will not be interested in raising them, that bebi will lose their father and nagito will lose his once-husband (lurking somewhere in hajime's subconscious...) turned best friend. they live together right off the bat, sleeping in the same bed (bebi likes to be held by the 2 of them to fall asleep...but even when bebi sleeps in their own bed they didn't think to get separate bedrooms or anything...) and end up becoming very.....affectionate with one another despite their claims that they're purely platonic. they "platonically" hold hands, cuddle, kiss, kiss, and more...intimate things in the cover of night ;) nagito's convinced hajime is just "using him for stress relief" and he's only truly staying bc he'd feel guilty leaving bebi. hajime thinks they're together. this miscommunication is not truly cleared up until hajime proposes. other than that, they both love bebi very very much and spend all their time with bebi, doting on them, playing with them, caring for them.

as for hajime's reaction to the twins- that in itself was also an Ordeal! when nagito found out he was pregnant again, bebi was very sick and in the hospital, which was very hard on nagito as he blamed himself. and he had resigned himself to leaving bebi and hajime, thinking they'd be safer without him in their lives. hajime was an adult who was fully informed of the danger of nagito's luck and had izuru's luck to protect him ! but bebi couldn't consent to that. he did not want to risk hurting his child in any capacity. so he resigned himself to leaving...but the news of pregnancy only devastated him further. to think he'd ruin not only bebi and hajime's lives but the life of another baby (not knowing it was twins lol)....it was too much for him. the plan was to leave the island, suffer through the pregnancy by himself, and come back after the birth to drop their new baby off before disappearing forever.

trans male pregnancy under the cut

bc nagito's carrying twins, the toll on his body during this pregnancy is far worse than it was during despair. he becomes very weak and sickly, especially with the added stress and despair of trying to leave his 'best friend' and kid, his kid being in the hospital,,, he hasn't been taking care of himself. the night bebi returns from the hospital (fully recovered! ...but having finally fully lost their vision in their right eye), hajime catches nagito trying to leave. he'd collapsed on his way out, having gotten incredibly dizzy. he'd left nothing but a note on the nightstand reading, "Be back soon." hajime wakes up to an empty bed and almost (almost) panics, steadies his breaths to the small snores of a sleeping baby in a nearby crib. he finds nagito half unconscious on the beach slumped on a duffel bag. "nagito??? nagito???? nagito!!! oh, thank god" "h...inata-kun?" "yea, it's me, come on, let's get you-" and nagitos eyes clear up and he shoves hajime away. "nagito-?" "stay away from me!" "nagito, you're not in your right mind, let's go back to the cabin-" "...how did you find me." "well, I found your note, which scared me shitless- I had no idea where you were or what had happened to you and frankly, I'm pretty pissed about that, but that can wait until I know you're safe-" "I'm so sorry, hinata-kun, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, hinata-kun, hinata-kun, hinata-kun-" "jeez, I said you can call me hajime... it's alright, relax, i'm not really mad. I was just worried." "you don't understand, you have to get away from me now-" "what are you even doing out here. what's with the bag" "hinata-kun." "....where were you going" "I hadn't decided yet" "why" "I-" "just bc you're in remission, you think you can just do whatever you want? what if something happened to you? goddamn it, you're not bullet proof, nagito! I know you're working on it, I know you're trying, but fuck you're so goddamn selfish! people care about you! I care about you! why can't you just understand that!" "i won't let myself hurt you!" "you're hurting me now!" "this will ruin your life, i will ruin your life-" "im your fucking....best friend, just tell me what's wrong, i can help you-" "nobody can help me, it's too late for me..." "goddamn it, nagito, please-!" and nagitos voice breaks when he whispers. "...i'm pregnant" ".......what" and nagito breaks into a quiet sob "I'm pregnant, hajime, and no one else on this island would dare defile themselves with me the way you have..." "are you serious?" "please don't make me say it again" and maybe if nagito weren't lost in a spiral of self deprecation and if his eyes weren't swimming with tears, he would've seen the nervous smile that broke out on hajime's face, the joy in his voice. "nagito, that's-!" "horrible? disgusting? i know I'm an abomination, hajime, maybe if my pathetic body functioned the way it was meant to-" "don't say that. don't you ever say that" "please just leave..." "you...you were pregnant with our kid and you were gonna leave??? what if you relapsed? what if you needed me?" hajime grabbed his face and forced nagito to look at him. "why are you doing this?" nagito laughed breathlessly, hysterically. "don't worry, hinata-kun, i would have brought them back! i simply didnt want to force you through the despair of having someone as putrid as me being pregnant, knowing that you've procreated with the lowest scum of the earth....surely it would ruin you. besides, i could never take your child from their father. nor would i subject them to my luck...will you let me go now, knowing your child will be alright" "they're your kid too" "for the sake of their sanity I'd rather keep that to myself" hajime steeled his expression, then grabbed Nagito's wrist. "we're going back to the cabin. we'll talk more in the morning." "Hinata-kun, let go of me." "nagito, let's go." "hinata, let go" "I'm not leaving you out here" nagito starts tearing up again and scratching frantically at his own skin. "please" "we're leaving." and hajime picks nagito up (he was

probably still too dizzy to walk anyway). but nagito starts screaming and thrashing and crying and weakly hitting hajime. "LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, IM GONNA HURT YOU, IM GONNA KILL YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE-" and hajime starts silently crying too but he just holds on tighter and keeps walking. i think they get to the cabin and hajime sets him down on the bed and nagito starts punching hajimes chest (not hard) but hajime just grabs his wrists and holds them tight as nagito struggles and cries softly. "i ruined your life..me and this broken body of mine." "i...love you. you're not broken. I'm not leaving and neither are you." "i hate you..." "you're the best thing that ever happened to me." "I'll kill you..." "you won't." "why won't you just leave.." "why won't you stay." "..." "lets go to bed. we'll see mikan in the morning. get some rest." nagito is still scratching at his skin when hajime pulls him against his chest and forces nagito to lay down with him. "i love you" "im scared..." "i know" "im so sorry.." "i know. it's ok" "it's not" "as long as you're still with me, it is." "you're too kind to me.." "i love you." "how many times are you going to say that." "as many times as it takes for you to believe it." and the conversation pitters off as nagito silently sobs into hajime's chest until he passes out while Hajime rubs small circles into his back and presses kisses to his head. nagito wakes up with his eyes swollen face still tucked into Hajime's chest and he knows hajime's awake bc he can feel his chest vibrating with light hums and soft strokes to his hair. nagito looks up and licks his lips, eyes watering again when he sees hajime's patient gaze, his eyes crinkling in a worried smile, extenuating the eyebags and evident exhaustion. "hinata-kun, i'm so s-" "shhh. none of that. we're seeing mikan in a bit, i already called her. i'm sorry for not noticing what was going on. it must have been so hard dealing with this alone.." "you shouldn't have to deal with it.." "i want to. i love you. we're in this together. for as long as you'll have me. it's hard, it's really hard sometimes, because i hate seeing you like this..it makes me feel so helpless it reminds me of-- the. program. but it's worth it. for you, it's always worth it." "hinata..." "keep resting. don't strain yourself too much." "i love you...i love you..i love you ..." "i know." going to see mikan and mikan warns them that Yes nagito is in fact pregnant and the fact that he's just come off of chemo and is still in remission is gonna make the pregnancy tough on him physically and that he's gonna get about as sick as he was before but promises it's temporary and that she guarantees he'll see the baby to full term ("link that's medically incorrect" idc link does what he wants Hajime has a dude put in his head via lobotomy science is a liar sometimes) and hajime holds nagito's hand the entire time and presses a kiss to his cheek when he cries a little when mikan says the baby will be healthy and ok and survive and nagito turns to him and gives him a watery smile before laughing and crying joyously a little more and thats when hajime knows they'll be ok. they do talk more abt this whole thing, nagito's motives, bebi,,,,but that's like a 1k fic and this post is alr long enough 😅maybe i'll polish it and make it a fic. long story short, hajime's personally extremely happy that nagito's pregnant, but his worry over nagito's health as a whole, physical and mental kinda trumped that but past that- it's nothing but excitement! (they did not know they were having twins...so excitement and a surprise!) as for bebi, they were very happy to be getting a sibling! they love mimicking everyone they see by talking to their papa's tummy, touching it, generally babbling to komahina how they're gonna share their toys with the baby, will the baby play with them, can they share a room? they always want more love in their life !

#komahina #cw tokophobia #cw trans male pregnancy #im a trans guy before u come for me xoxo #danganronpa #bebi kamukura #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #anon #asks

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eroticcannibal · 3 years

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Common myths and misconceptions about home education

So in case anyone has somehow missed it, I have recently become a Big supporter of home education in a very lefty way, which has meant I have had to challenge a lot of views I have previously held about home education and that I know a lot of other lefties hold too. I am of the opinion that embracing home education, not as a last resort, but as the primary form of education for as many children as possible, is a vital part of achieving the required shifts in society needed to meet the goals of most leftists. So I am taking it on myself to convince you all that it is a very good thing, and also to clear up some misconceptions people have about home education that may make them feel they are unable to do it.

(A note, I am from the UK and shall be using UK terminology and specifics regarding law, policy and other such things will be from a UK perspective. I shall be using the term home education, as that is the legal term in the UK and is distinct from home schooling, which is the term for what school children have been doing during the pandemic.)

And I would also like to extend a quick thanks to Education Otherwise and the mods at Home education and your local authority for teaching me A LOT.

Have any questions about anything I’ve not covered here? Just let me know!

1. “Home education is illegal.”

- Sadly, home education is illegal or restricted to the point of inaccessibility in most of the world. From the research I have done, it seems that only the US and the UK have reasonable laws around home education (if I am using a very broad definition of reasonable, it is still not great). I do hope I can change this section soon, and I would *heavily* encourage people to campaign for the right to home educate post pandemic, perhaps cite any benefits learning at home has provided to children, perhaps???

2. “Home education is a tool used by religious fundamentalists to brainwash children!”

- This is a view many hold, and for good reason. For many of us, when we think of home education, we think of christian fundamentalists in the deep south of America, pulling their children out of school to avoid the liberal agenda. The truth is, anything can be used as a tool of indoctrination. This can happen in home education, and it can happen and has happened in schools too. In my own communities we have had instances of schools being a site of religious radicalization of children. The reality is this is far too complex and deep an issue to be solved by deeming any particular form of education as “bad”. I am not an expert on how best to deal with such issues, but I do feel that things like outreach and building a healthy community with otherwise more isolated religious groups would be a better way to address these issues.

3. “You need to have x qualification to home educate.”

- Again, a reasonable view to hold, given that state run and private education does require educators to hold certain qualifications, but in practice it quickly becomes evident the same does not necessarily have to apply with home education. Educational qualifications are very much focused on delivering an education in a classroom, which is a far cry from home education. During our home education of our child, my partner, who is a qualified SEN TA, has struggled far more than I have with educating our SEN child, despite the fact I hold no qualifications.

We live in amazing times when it comes to education. There are many things that parents and communities have to teach a child, and there are many things a child can teach to themself if given the tools to do so. You can even learn together! Their are endless resources available, books and games and documentaries, and even home education groups and private tutors if you feel that is the right fit for your child. You don’t need a piece of paper for your child to spend a day with their nose buried in a book, or to help the neighbor with his vegetable patch, or to cuddle up on the sofa while watching Planet Earth.

4. “You are required to follow the national curriculum.”

- This does vary by country (that allows home education). As a general rule, the stricter a country is about who can home educate, the stricter they are about what must be taught. In the UK, you are not required to follow the national curriculum. Education must be “efficient” and suited to the child’s “age, aptitude and ability”, and LAs do require that english and maths are covered. Other than that, you are allowed to tailor the content of education to the child and their interests. We have recently dropped geography for now and are only just picking up history again. It has also given us the freedom to focus on areas our child needs that would not be covered in mainstream education, such as anxiety management, trauma processing, self care and hygiene.

5. “Home education looks like school/is just filling out workbooks/etc”

- The thing you will always hear from experienced home educators when you begin home education is “home education doesn’t need to be school at home”. Much like you can tailor the content of the learning to the child, you can also tailor the delivery to the child. Some child need structure, timetable, instructions. Some need freedom and to bounce between topics. Some need to have an hour learning maths and only maths, some need to go dig up your garden “for science”. Some want to learn every day, some will need extended breaks.

Learning happens all the time, from the moment they wake to the moment they sleep. As an example, at home we have some workbooks, as both me and my child have ADHD and need someone to go “ok learn this” rather than us having to work out for ourselves what we need to cover for core subjects like english and maths. For the rest of most days my child is left to their own devices to binge youtube and netflix and work on their art. We try and go for a woodland walk every few days, where we have Deep Discussions about all kinds of topics, and we are also working on growing edible plants and baking cakes from around the world. We are more hands-off at the moment, due to the current bout of anxiety, but when that settles again we will get back to history themed crafts and STEM activities. Post-pandemic, we will be signing our kid up for swimming classes and “after school” clubs, and looking at sending them down to my mum for the home ed groups where she lives, like the forest school. A lot of home education outside of a pandemic is in groups and community based, or will make use of libraries and museums and other public learning opportunities. Frequently very little will happen at home.

In fact many home educators will advise new families to “deschool” for a while before jumping in to learning. This is a period where you “get school out of your system”, and just exist. Learning does not have to be intentional, you will be surprised how much you can achieve by just having fun.

6. “Home education is expensive.”

- It can be, ask my bank account. However, it is perfectly possible to deliver a quality education with little to no money. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s doable. Their are many online resources for free (check out oak academy), and libraries have plenty available too. Even paid resources can be very cheap if you know where to look. (psst, if your kid thrives with worksheets and powerpoints, get yourself a twinkl subscription, download everything you need for a year then cancel it.)

(This does not apply to exams. Get saving!)

7. “Home educated children are not properly socialised.”

- This is only really true during the pandemic. The rest of the time, home educated children are free to socialise whenever they want, with whoever they want, in whatever setting they choose. Socialisation while home educating is in the opinions of many of a higher quality, as they are not limited to groups of a similar age and background. Many home educating families form groups for their children to socialise together too. For ND children especially, socialising while home educated can be far less stressful and far more fulfilling than in school.

8. “Home educated children won’t get qualifications.”

- Just plain not true. Arranging qualifications can be costly and time consuming, but it is possible and regularly done. Some children may return to school or college to access exams for free, and I have heard of a handful of cases where individuals were able to secure prestigious university places without any qualifications. Home education also allows for more freedom with how exams and qualifications are approached, for example, many home educated children will pick one GCSE to focus on at a time, rather than covering numerous topics over 2 years and having exams for all of them at once like children in school will.

9. “Home education is a safeguarding risk/is used to cover up abuse/home educated children are not seen.”

- In the UK at least, home education is not considered a safeguarding risk, no matter what authorities may tell you, nor are home educated “not seen”. They still visit medical professionals, they still engage with their communities.

Now I shall add the relevant paper here should I find it again, but the idea that home education is used to cover up abuse to a statistically significant degree, or that home educated children are at more risk of abuse, is false. Home educating families do face a significantly higher risk of social services involvement than other families, but far less abuse is found in comparison to other families. It is also worth considering, when talking about social services involvement, that many families pursue home education due to failures by schools regarding a child’s vulnerabilities. In most cases, especially the Big Ones, where a home educated child is abused, the child was already known to authorities as a victim of abuse, therefore home educating did nothing to hide said abuse.

Children are also routinely abused in schools, which is another common reason for home educating.

10. “Home education has to be monitored or approved.”

- Depends on the country, I know in Japan home education is monitored by schools, however in the UK, monitoring is not lawful. Local authorities may make informal enquiries to ensure a suitable education is being facilitated (keep EVERYTHING in writing and please go straight to “home education and your local authority” group on FB for advice, you WILL need it!). In England, if your child is in mainstream education, you can deregister at will, from a special school will require LA approval. In Scotland deregistering requires LA approval. (Again, head to the aforementioned group for advice).

11. “You can’t work/get an education while home educating”

- It is hard to balance work, education and educating your child, but it is possible, people do it every day. Obviously, having at least one parent free to educate unhindered at all times is an ideal situation, but in the real world it often does not work that way. Parents may have to home educate regardless of their other commitments if a child truly needs to escape the school system. Many parents work or learn from home, and sometimes it is even possible to combine these activities with home education. Professional artists and crafters can pass down their skills while working, distance learners can invite their children to sit in on lectures. The really great thing about home education is it is flexible. Do you have a whole day of meetings? Let the kid play minecraft all day! Going to be in the office all day? Drop the kid off at the local forest school or something else they can do all day. Drop them with the grandparents to help with the gardening!

12. “Home educated are behind/achieve less than school children.”

- Their is no evidence that home education is of a lower quality than school education. Many children are home educated specifically because the school environment was detrimental to their education, and thrive with home education. Plenty of children are able to learn more simply by having 1-to-1 attention, without the distraction of an entire class. And others may well be “behind”, and are educated at home because of their specific needs that mean they will never thrive in an academic setting, so they are allowed to focus on learning skills that will allow them to live independently.

#word of god #home education

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script-a-world · 3 years

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I'm writing a story (well, RP) that involves an alien refugee who arrived on Earth while pregnant. There's a few other aliens with her, one of whom has had a child before. It's been established that I'm going to need to answer the Earth scientists' questions about how pregnancy works for the aliens. But for the life of us, neither I nor my writing partner can think of actual questions to ask. So... do you have any suggestions for "things human scientists/doctors would need to know about alien reproduction if they're going to be providing health care"? I googled things like "things to know about pregnancy" but none of the articles are very helpful. [I guess this could be reworded to "what are things you need to figure out when worldbuilding alien reproduction post-conception if it's important to the story to figure it out?"]

Miri: If you had asked a few months ago, I could have suggested this class to you:

http://www.kittywumpus.net/blog/class-where-babies-come-from-speculative-reproduction/ Unfortunately I don’t know when the next round of it will be, but it was an interesting class where we talked about different types of reproduction that could exist out there in fiction, and just how different it could be from reproduction as we know it as carbon based life forms.

Some things to consider would be what kind of nutrition your alien needs, what kind of environment they need, and if these are different from their regular needs, and if the offspring and carrying being’s needs are different after the birth as well. How many offspring are expected? What effect will this process have on the carrying being? Human pregnancy can be very stressful, damaging even on the carrying person. History has shown that many have not survived this process. Is this a high risk process for your alien?

Wootzel: I second most of what Miri said, and I’m going to repeat/build from it a bit. Those sheltering/feeding/providing care for the alien will need to know what kind of diet is needed to keep the mother and child/children healthy. If their biological processes are similar to earthlings, they might need higher protein content, for instance.

Along that line, are there any substances that the alien should not come in contact with while pregnant? Human fetuses are very fragile and prone to defects if chemicals are introduced that don’t have substantial ill effects on adult humans, and there might be some things that the adults can tolerate that the pregnant one needs to be sheltered from.

Is there any particular diagnostic/supportive/monitoring care that is usually provided to make sure mom and baby are healthy? Can humans run some kind of testing panel like bloodwork on the previously-pregnant one, compare it to the pregnant one, and have some vague idea of whether it looks normal? Will an ultrasound show anything of interest?

What does the birth process tend to look like? What are some common complications and treatment methods for them? Is setting up an IV with something like a saline solution helpful?

After the birth, will the mother be able to care for the child/ren right away, or will she need help with it while she rests and recovers? Do their bodies make food for the baby (like our milk) or will it need to be fed? Mammals literally cannot digest adult food when they’re infants, but other species on our world (reptiles, birds) often eat a modified version of the adult diet right away or jump straight into eating the same thing as the parents, so you can very realistically pick a point on that spectrum to aim for.

Is there anything the baby will need in terms of temperature, moisture, humidity, light level, etc? A human hospital could be a great place for an infant of this species, or an awful one depending on what the needs are like. However, if the adults tolerate our environments well, it’s unlikely that the baby will need something vastly different.

Humans are more fragile in our pregnancies and births than most mammals on our world, because growing a creature with such a large and complex brain is hard and there are lots of things that can go wrong. Even so, most mothers can eat a similar diet along with their peers, have some reduction in activity level, and with a bit of supportive care and time to recover, can give birth safely and return to health. It’s likely that, similarly, your species of alien needs a few adjustments and extra care to have a healthy pregnancy, but nothing crazy. Otherwise, the species probably wouldn’t have survived to sapience.

In modern medicine, we have many forms of monitoring and supportive care that are recommended to help with pregnancy, which has reduced the risks, but basic biological processes still take care of most of it. Unless you want to write your alien having a complication, it’s realistic that the people helping her could try to answer the above questions, have to guess a whole lot, but ultimately keep her comfortable and well-fed and have the whole thing turn out okay.

#aliens #pregnancy #medicine

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tincankam · 3 years

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Henry and Mingan Discussion (Revived)

As we all know, there is a particular episode in season 5 that left us all a bit devastated and left us somewhat dumbfounded on how that episode went. Season 5 Episode 4 - “Judas Wolf” was an episode that I feel needed to be changed drastically. As I have spoken to other fans they feel the same way and I think there are a few ideas that can thus fix the episode and even the show then on after. Season 5 and 6 weren't the best because of Longmire being handed over to Netflix, in turn, they just changed everything and ran it into the ground in my opinion. But this very episode, this very dramatic and sensitive episode could have changed Henry’s dynamic and the show from then on. There will be spoilers so please read at your own risk. Also, I am not a specular writer nor am I the smartest person so if I happen to leave anything out or leave more plot holes than the original, please forgive me for I have a small squirrel brain.

Right off the bat, we as the watchers are just crushed by Mingan’s death and all of us were very hopeful that things would turn out differently for him. I did cry for a few hours after watching that happen. Though there are some things that I did see as sloppy or sloppy writing from the Netflix team (I'm going to be blaming Netflix the majority of the time because they just took it over and made the show and characters really strange). Something that hasn't sat right with me is the fact that Mingan never really gave a direct answer. Why did Mingan kill himself? As I'm typing this now, I suppose the writers wanted to reflect on real depression and real events that happen to children and teens on reservations. Mingan didn't give a direct answer on why, even though Henry showed him this love and care. He believed everything was hopeless, that he lost everyone and there isn't anything left for him. So that could be the answer to why he simply did it but it just confuses me because Henry was there for him. Yet again, Mingan losing both his parents through drugs, and seeing that could have just left him hollow. This is just nit-picky but why did Mingan hang himself in the open, at a random tree? Though if I'm not correct, I think that was the same tree that was shown in Cady’s premonition dream (I cannot fully confirm this since I don’t want to see that scene of Mingan again).

With that out of the way, here is what I propose. Instead of Mingan committing suicide for no reason at all, maybe Henry catches him in the act. After taking him to school in the scene where Henry is hugging him. Henry goes through with adopting Mingan. Maybe while all of the court hearings are to officially adopt him, Mingan stays with Henry for the time being. By the end of the episode, it shows Henry purchasing a small apartment in downtown Durrant where he and Mingan can live. The closing scene is Henry holding Mingan by the shoulder, maybe telling him that “this is their new home” “Everything is going to be ok” and rubs his side as they stand in their kitchen with boxes of Henry’s and Mingan’s things. Or just have the scene be silent and have some music playing in the background as the original Longmire directors executed so beautifully. As we progress more and more into Mingan and Henry, Henry could often tell Walt, Cady, or May, in any interaction with them that Mingan doesn't seem to be too happy. Henry fully knows that he needs time to adjust but he's still worried for Mingan. Perhaps in the middle of the episode, Henry comes home and sees that the door is unlocked. Thinking that it's a break-in, he sees Mingan’s backpack on the kitchen floor. He calls out for Mingan and sprints to his room thinking that he’s in danger only to see Mingan (please be wary for the rest of this, there is suicide imagery) on a chair with the noose already tied to him and he gets a little startled by Henry. Henry lets out this horrifying scream that just shouts “No!”. He rushes to Mingan, untying him or getting a pocket knife and cutting the noose off. Mingan is still in this daze until Henry picks him up and grabs him. This is where I want to see Henry cry. Cry out of relief, grief, stress. Holding the body of Mingan who almost left this world forever, crying because he is thankful that he got home just in time. Not sobbing, holding the lifeless body of Mingan who’s happiness and existence was cut short. Henry is crying holding Mingan, they both scoot to the corner of the room. Mingan is crying too for a lot of reasons as well, for being caught, for not knowing what to do, for still feeling this despair in his heart for being so young. The scene shows Henry and Mingan crying and sniffling in the corner of Mingan’s room, Henry’s head is buried deep in the crook of Mingan’s neck, maybe even rocking back and forth. Henry’s head looks up at the remains of the noose stuck in the ceiling fan and the cut noose on the floor. He lets out a crying heave and sharply looks away. It pans out on just them in the room.

This was the most important point I wanted to get across. To have Mingan live for a plot standpoint and a moralistic standpoint. Briefly touching on the morality side, people with depression and other debilitating mental illnesses are seeing this, it’s better to get across that things do get better, it does. Eventually, the pain will go away. People are out there who care for you. Whether you know it or not, they are there. Having Mingan kill himself so suddenly and so unwarranted I feel like was such a heartbreak. Yes as I said earlier, this could be a reflection of people still wondering why their son or daughter or father had committed suicide and not knowing why to this day and the reflection of generations in reservations that feel like there is nothing left in the world for them. But there will be something there one day, it will happen, Mingan didn’t deserve to die. Now getting the point across that Henry is there for Mingan can represent to the audience that people are there who indeed care and you may not even know who they are but they are a godsend. As we are tying this into a plot standpoint, we can dive deeper into Henry’s past and Mingan’s future.

Henry decides to take Mingan to his childhood house and show him all the pictures from when he was a child. Telling him that he grew up in a not-so-perfect household with an abusive father and a mother who had died during childbirth with him. Maybe this can tie into another post I made ages ago that Henry even was sent to “Indian Boarding School” (theorized). His childhood was filled with grief and sadness as well and even mentions to Mingan that he's “tried too” (meaning that he has tried to commit suicide as well) but it’s not worth it. A heartfelt moment after another. We can also see Mingan visually grow as a character in a show, getting better, becoming a young adult, not slipping through the cracks. Maybe we can even see Mingan confront Henry about being Hector. Perhaps Mingan finds Henry’s Hector stuff as they are moving and confronts him about it. Having Henry retire the Hector mantle. By the end of the series, there is a healthy Father and Son relationship (No thanks to Walt and Cady because there is no chemistry between the two and it’s somewhat sad).

I am sorry that I made this post a little too long, but I needed to get it out there somewhere. Maybe even some other fans out there will appreciate this as well. There just needed to be a bit more happier endings with Longmire. Just even a little. Mingan was a character that I feel could have added so much more passion and new elements to play with.

#henry standing bear #mingan pines #longmire #my post #this was from my last blog #but im bringing it back #this needs to be said

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sanscestships · 3 years

Text

“No.” College!AU (GenoxReaper)

Created on: 1/15/21

Requested by: No one. Just decided to do Afterdeath now.

still waiting for requests ;w;

Note from: 1/25/21

sorry if the ending's bad. i was a little rushed since i'd already been stalling this story by 10 days.

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"No." Geno stated firmly as he folded his arms and glared down at the moronic figure laying on his couch.

"But Geeeennn~" The biology major whined, looking up at the scarfed skeleton. "It's so comfyyyy!"

"No Reaper, now get up and start doing something productive." The eyepatched skeleton gestured to the second mug of coffee on the corner table. "Finals are coming up, meaning it's time to study."

"It's fiinnee! I'm smart enough to barely pass and we all know you'll ace them as usual so come sleep with me here on this comfy couch!" The skeleton in the large black hoodie started to sit up, patting on the seat next to him. "There's still room for a beautiful skeleton ya know!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere when dealing with me, Death." The apparently 'beautiful' skeleton rolled his eyelight, trying to remember why he puts up with this idiot in the first place. "Now get off the couch. If you get ready within 10 minutes, we can go do our studying at Crackbucks."

"STARBUCKS?!" With that magic word, Reaper fell face flat off the couch before scrambling through the dorm to change. Honestly, Geno didn't know why he hasn't filed for a new dormmate yet. While he keeps on insisting to Reaper that it's because he doesn't want to end up with an even worse roommate like the salty Leviathan or memelord Epic, the other keeps persisting in stating that he genuinely enjoyed his company.

He didn't. He really didn't. There was no way in Hell Geno actually liked putting up with Reaper's antics. He just didn't want to deal with anyone worse.

As Geno had just listed, while Reaper was certainly childish and teased him often, at least he wasn't an alcoholic who swore up a storm or a prankster who was probably less serious than even Reaper or a proud asshole with an ego the size of the Empire State building like Red's brother, Edge. And with his luck, he doubted he would be able to get anyone decent like maybe Blue.

At least Blue didn't laze around when the finals are coming around the corner.

Sighing, the glitchy skeleton wrapped his scarf around his neck and started to grab his jacket to go out. With how obsessed with coffee Reaper was, he had no doubt he'd be down before even 5 minutes. And as usual, he was right. Within 3 minutes Reaper was hopping over putting on his socks with a different hoodie and jeans ready to go down several cups of coffee.

~ >:3 ~

The drive there was... Rough. Apparently a lot of other students also had the idea of studying at Crackbucks since not only was there a bit of traffic, but there was a long fucking line that led to outside the store too. Groaning, Geno decided to test his luck once more.

"Looks like the place is already full, we should go to a different Crackbucks," Geno suggested while the other cocked his head to the side.

"If we leave our place in line, it'll just take longer. The other cafes are probably full too. Might as well wait. Besides, I don't mind having an audience~" The scarred skeleton gave him an 'are you fucking kidding me right now?' look as Reaper just gave him an innocent look.

"Reaper I swear- You know what? Fine. But we're going to study while we wait since that's what we came here to do."

"That's what you came to do," Reaper corrected. "I'm here purely for my caffeine. But if it makes you happy Gen~"

"What would make me happy would be you not using that tone nor flirting with me," he groaned, dearly wanting to get to studying as soon as possible. "now take your book out and get ready to spend the next half an hour studying in silence."

"But Geeennn~ We're here to study together aren't-"

"Reaper." Geno interrupted the skeleton dressed in black, making the face he usually makes when he's about to spit out facts. "You're a biology major, I'm an engineer major. And we barely have any of the same subjects. In fact, the only subject we have together is the English Literature Course. That means the only subject we can actually study together on is English."

"... Oh." Reaper blinked his sockets, presumably realizing that Geno was, once again, right. That really was the only subject they had together. It was also the only class they had together too. "But Geenn~ Can't we study that together then?"

He wanted to say no again. He wanted to say no and that he had a math test first thing in a few days. But, he'd already reviewed his notes last night and they had their english test together afterwards.

"Fine-"

"YES!" Everyone around began to turn and look at him and Reaper bounced about like a kid at a candy store. Why was he reacting like this? All he did was say he'd agree to studying on the same subject with him? What about it was so exciting?

Did he really say "no" that often? He knew that sometimes he could be a bit overbearing, but he always had his reasons. After all, he was surrounded by a bunch of idiots.

How does one remain sane when dealing with a screeching knitting idiot, a forgetful idiot that pranks everyone with buckets of paint, a grumpy cat idiot and his semi-sane brother, two meme idiots, a flirtacious idiot, a hyperactive idiot, an emo idiot, and a trio of stabby idiots?

He suddenly found himself at the front of the line, Reaper next to him ordering 6 coffee lattes at the register. Suddenly aware of his surroundings, he shoved his hands into his pockets and embarrassingly let his eyes wander the store at random. Fuck, had he really been thinking about that for half an hour? Possibly even more? God, it would be horrible if this ended up being a habit. While his grades were pretty decent as it was, he didn't want to risk falling behind or spacing out to occur while he tried to study.

He tried to pay more attention this time, watching the employee and Reaper talk as Reaper pulled out his wallet and paid for the drinks. Geno couldn't be any more relieved now. Now he could focus on something productive like studying instead of standing around thinking of himself and those idiot friends of his.

"Geno?" He found himself in front of the deserts, Reaper right next to him looking over his shoulder. "Geno, are you okay? You've been just staring at everything silently for a while. Thinking about the finals?"

The determined of the two was a little surprised that the other didn't try to take the opportunity to flirt. He actually seemed serious right at that moment. "Yeah, just a little worried. Hopefully this study session helps out. It's not healthy to do a last minute cram."

"Ha, knowing you you've probably already got the material down!" Reaper chuckled as he quickly looked away, feeling a little flushed. Why did Reaper think so highly of him? Hell, why did he always insist on flirting with him? Wouldn't he have more fun flirting with someone who would actually flirt back like Killer or Lust?

Geno began to walk past Reaper, taking a seat at a table in the back corner where he could have privacy. He didn't like people trying to peek in on what he was doing no matter how trivial it was. He liked his space and privacy, thank you very much. Hiding his embarrassment, he pulled out his textbook from his bag and started to read through the material for English.

The other skeleton sat down with him, rummaging through his own bag before his eyelight fell on the book in Geno's hands. "Isn't that your English text book?"

"Yes, it is." Geno cocked a brow at him as the realization seemed to hit Reaper. Suddenly with a stupid grin of glee, he immediately started digging back through his bag to get his own textbook.

The idiot in black glanced back at the register before looking back at Geno, said skeleton giving him a questioning look before he finally popped the question. "Hey, Geno."

"What is it, Reaper?"

"Do... Do you wanna go to the park with me once finals are over? Just to, you know, relax once finals are done?"

He paused for a moment, opening his mouth to say 'no' and that he'd be busy getting ready for the next semester before hesitation. Reaper did have a point about taking a break once finals were done. He knew all too well what too much stress could do to you. Besides...

He put his book down flat on the table, looking up with a slight smile saying 'well what can I really do?' before giving his answer.

"Yes. I think I'd like that, Reaper."

#oneshot #afterdeath #geno x reaper #geno #reaper #after!sans #aftertale #reaper!sans #reapertale #sans #undertale #undertale au #ship #undertale ships #college!au

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years

Note

do you have an oc? i want hear about your ocs

Right! I’ve actually had these four siblings in mind for a while, and I *will* use any excuse I get to talk about them. In my defense, they’re all great. Babies that are well past spoiled-rotten, but they’re my babies, and I can’t help that. (The picrews used are here x x x x)

TW: Imprisonment, Emotional Manipulation, Delusional Mindsets, Non-Consensual Drug-Use and Toxic Relationships.

Name: Lionel Hardcastle

Position: The Failure of an Older Brother

Age: 26

Type: Delusional And Obsessive.

Bio: The tranquil, would-be heir to the Hardcastle organization. Although his younger siblings were considered, Lionel was always the best with clients, the calmest in painfully crushing situations, and even if he made a point to hide it, the undisputed favorite of his parents. He would’ve taken over as soon as he was of-age, but his glaring lack of interest in the world of business and leadership provided quite the roadblock.

Well, and the fact that he can’t read. Never could, never will, and he shows no indication of an ability to learn. Needless to say, this caused some… minor issues between him and the rest of his family.

That might be why he likes you so much, his sweetheart, his love, the light of his oh-so-frigid life. You’re just so kind, and he knows you’ll never abandon him, even if you act so stubborn whenever he asks you to promise. It’s all he can do not to laugh when you throw your little tantrums and scream like you don’t adore the affection he’ll lather onto you so suffocatingly. There’s nothing he’d rather do than be around you, any moment where his skin isn’t on your instantly becoming unbearable. It’s no wonder he’s always the first of his siblings to snap. He hardly remembers to breathe, when you’re not in the room.

Lionel is quite the artist, too, focusing on stone and sculpting but dabbling in paint whenever the temptation strikes him. Suffice to say, as his fixation begins to outweigh his rationality his patient partner becomes his favorite muse. There’s more of your likenesses in existence than there are galleries to house them, but don’t worry, Lionel’s got a special portion of his workshop dedicated to all those mediocre extras, if only to keep himself sustained when you’ve switched from begging for the restraints to come off to hiding yourself away. Still, there’s only so long he can last before breaking and running to find you. If you really wanted to be alone, then you must not want to be with him. That’d mean you were trying to get away from him, trying to leave him, and…

Lionel just isn’t sure if he can take that. Not again, and certainly not from you. He’s a weak man, when it comes to that, but he as more than enough iron-based safety measures to put his mind at ease.

Name: Persia Hardcastle

Position: The Motherly Middle Sister

Age: 25

Type: Controlling and Overbearing

Bio: Where do you even start with Persia? She’s the second-born, but it wouldn’t be untrue to say she’s more akin to a nanny than another Hardcastle. Part of it comes from how she grew up, how she had to take care of a pair of twins and deal with a suddenly absentee older brother, all while juggling just how unprepared her parents were for their own tragic, mysterious, purely accidental deaths. But, some people think she’s just… like that. A perfectionist, even when it comes to her own flesh-and-blood.

Of course, you’re no exception. She’s just as tightly-laced with you as she is while trying to save Finn’s reputation or bring Lionel back home. She does love you, don’t get me wrong, but you’re her stress-relief, her saving grace, the only factor in her life she can have complete control of, even if she doesn’t realize just how much sway she has over you. She knows it isn’t healthy, that no one should think the things she does about you, but Persia can’t risk losing you. She won’t lock you up, she isn’t crazy, but… she doesn’t really have to use chains and collars, either.

It’s odd, how fixed a certain behavior can be for one person, even after they’ve outgrown the use for it. She was the main caretaker for the twins while they were growing up, so she may’ve gotten into the habit of being a little… parental, when it comes to those she loves. If that just means giving you a disapproving look when you’re eating something you shouldn’t be or insisting on tucking you in at night, count yourself lucky. Falling into her role a little too passionately certainly wouldn’t be out of character, not when she’s already so invested in making sure you’re happy and healthy and by her side. Her angel’s medication is a small price to pay for bliss, really, even if you’re such a baby when it comes to taking it.

Name: Evelyn (Evie) Hardcastle

Position: The Mature Younger Sister

Age: 19

Type: Manipulative and Possessive

Bio: Now, here’s our heir. I mean, why wouldn’t she be? She’s fully literate and everything! Evie’s parents were already gone before Finn and her were so much as differentiable, but their advisors caught on to the siblings’ personalities quickly. Naturally, Evie found her way into a position of power as quickly as she was able to, not only for lack of competition. Not unlike her older brother, she doesn’t have any real interest in whatever vague, sketchy medical field she was thrust into, but Evie stands apart from the pure-intentions of most Hardcastsles. She likes the power of it all, how big it makes her feel.

She likes knowing she’s the one in charge. You’ll come to understand that, with time.

There’s a good chance you’re her assistant or secretary or some member of her staff that made the mistake of getting a little too friendly, stumbling your way into her cold, dead heart before she could properly put up her defenses. The specifics don’t really matter, not as long as you have those big, shining doe-eyes and the sense to do whatever she says without a second thought. She just thinks you’re so soft, so cute, so vulnerable when you’re in the hands of someone stronger than you… you can’t blame her for getting a little carried away, honestly.

Don’t worry, though, Evie’s the most responsible sibling for a reason. She’s not a nice woman, but she can put on quite the show, as long as it’s for your sake. She’ll be whatever you need her to be for the longest time, whether that’s a boss willing to make compromises or a shoulder to cry on. She’ll string you along for as long as she needs to, having you isolate yourself and falling into her arms so sweetly, but her patience tends to wear thin when someone else comes into the picture. Do your best to avoid that, regardless of how minor the relationship may seem. She already keeps you on such a tight leash… it’d be a massacre if you gave her a real excuse to use force.

Name: Finnian (Finn) Hardcastle

Position: The Rebellious Younger Brother

Age: 19

Type: Jealous and Obsessive

Bio: I hope you’re not prone to whiplash, because Finn is the polar opposite of his sister. Despite being twins, identical on the deepest level two people can be, Evie was groomed while Finn was cast to the side, spoiled and let run wild, unimpeded by the standards his other siblings were held to. He has nothing to do with the family cooperation and as little to do with the others as possible, and he likes it that way. You might’ve caught on, by now, but Finn isn’t exactly the ‘business’ type.

But, distance breeds loneliness, and loneliness breeds desperation. It’s not that he latches onto everyone and anyone, no, Finn is rather selective, but he refuses to let go when he does find someone he wants to be with. You’re just so smart and so clever and so perfect, and all Finn wants to do is stay close to you, to never leave your side. The goal is innocent, full of misguided hope, but Finn didn’t exactly have a normal upbringing. He doesn’t know he shouldn’t want to follow you home or that it’s a little off-putting for a stranger to sit so close to you on an empty train, nor is he going to catch on if you try to turn him down gently. Hell, even if scream and do tell him what a pathetic stalker he is, you won’t get very far. Finn is just so happy you’re talking to him, he can’t bring himself to process what you’re saying.

Oh, and keep in in mind that he’s very used to being the center of attention. Whether it’s Persia’s persistent demands for ‘family time’ or Evie’s loudly voiced concerns, Finn knows when he’s the focus, and he doesn’t like it when the spotlight is somewhere else. That applies to you, too, as hard as he tries to stay on your good side. Distractions aren’t an option, he just gets so twitchy whenever he starts to think he’s your second-favorite, even if you’re being stolen away by a gift he got for you. It’s not a pleasant sort of envy, either. The way he clings to you and whines may seem harmless, at first, but Finn isn’t exactly good at holding himself back, especially when it comes to you. Desperation can turn into destruction in the blink of an eye, and he rarely goes after your new toys.

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thevultur · 3 years

Text

self para // the architect of decay

TIME: through the finale of the 125th Games, towards the 126th Victor’s Ball LOCATION: the Capitol & District 13 PARTS: end of 125, 125th victor’s ball (skippable), end of 126, the fall of the Capitol, district thirteen WORD COUNT: 2,674 TRIGGER WARNINGS: alcohol, drugs

end of 125

They moved out gradually. When she took the children to her parents, in Three, with the same train that carried the corpse of her best friend, for the second time, because of him, it was because the Capitol wasn’t safe. She didn’t mention betrayal. She wasn’t her initially angry self. Instead, she was lost, and scared, and confused. It was easier to run away from the consequences of violence and rebellion, than to deal with the unsaid and to admit surrender. A month later, she asked for a box of their favorite belongings. Lysander prepared the package for delivery, and never quite removed the tape scraps from everywhere on the floor and furniture.

He didn’t move her toothbrush, even months later. Instead, he gathered courage to call her on the phone. Suddenly, her voice was more a surprise than a familiarity. Suddenly, he didn’t know what to say to her. She rambled, and rambled -- and, for a little while, he settled for listening. She was pushing forced excitement out of her mouth, pretending that the point of the call was the great weather they’ve had the other day, planting carrots in the garden, or how Haydn now knows his way around a phone better than she does. When he let out a chuckle, as she carried on her glowing tale, they both froze. She didn’t expect the chuckle to echo as something he didn’t know she missed, he was embarrassed -- it felt like a slip.

As silence sank into the phone call, he knew it was the moment for the heavy question. “When are you going to be back?” It created louder silence, for longer. There went his need to know it all, with his straightforward, practical questions, not afraid of the truth. For a little, she could no longer talk, so he did. He tried to push logic down her throat, to rationalize in a desperate attempt to change her mind, to make it less than what it was. The desperate struggle for reason and the enfeeblement were deafening to him and his ego. She confessed, defeated, that she didn’t know. That she would call him as soon as she would know. For now, she needed space to eventually find some clarity in her mind. Space was all he used to have, so he offered it with grace. The conversation didn’t move him, not for the longest time. However, every time he walked into that bathroom and his eyes met that damned red toothbrush, something stabbed him.

125th victor’s ball

She was gracious and cordial at the Victor’s Ball, while he was too stressed to ask her to dance even once. Over them hovered the certainty he planted into his own mind, that he was going to die, that they were going to dispose of him as soon as the light moved away from the Quell incident, as soon as people stopped paying attention. He didn’t tell her. He played pathetic nonchalance. Luckily, he still remembered how to tie his own tie. It didn’t look like he needed her, necessarily. It only felt like it. After the ball, she took more of her stuff from his place, not quite cleaning the apartment of all her belongings, but it became obvious she didn’t like that mauve sweater she left behind that much. He, on the other hand, loved that mauve sweater. He didn’t move or touch the bits of her still left behind, clinging onto their original state, how she left them, as if that would eventually take her back.

He remembered solitude for an old friend, though, this time, the old friend was a sad surprise. As all of the walls were raising tall around himself, he built up the tallest arena, to match. He spent his everyday, running plane simulations, climbing up and down to check all platforms -- with ropes tied to him and all the focus he had in him to distract him from nausea. Eventually, when he was out of things to do, he started doing the interns’ tasks, early in the morning, before everybody else in the office woke up. If he concentrated enough, it wouldn’t ache. If he gave it all to the arena, he wouldn’t have time for himself and for all of his thoughts.

Eventually, he gave away his pet snake. It became clear that he needed as little as possible attaching him to the world. If he was about to die, he preferred to die without the guilt of abandoning and letting an animal into his apartment, to starve before anyone found either of them. Eventually, he stopped locking the door. Maybe she’d be back, maybe they would come to shoot a bullet in his head. Either way, it felt like a waste of time. The snake found its new home in the arms of a Gamemaker colleague, one who knew snakes and had a dozen of them already. It was a fine gift from a boss. He didn’t need it back.

The president was announced dead, unexpectedly. With no instructions from higher up people, he decided it didn’t change anything. Instead of weeping tears or worrying about his fate now more than ever, he poured himself a cup of coffee, drank it bottoms up, all at once, and went back to work. There was so much work left to do -- there was always work. When they captured Prim, he turned off the screen. He didn’t know what that meant for him, and, at that point, it didn’t even matter. When the president turned out to be alive, he neither cheered nor booed. It was all the same to him. He had work to do.

end of 126

The summer Games passed, and he was happy to see all three of them around the Tower, even if temporarily. He gifted Haydn his favorite book growing up, he replied to all of Gwen’s almost words, he had a few late night talks with her, too. They kept their mouths shut about the elephant in the room, instead enjoying the moment. He didn’t say anything about the ring he had in his nightstand, the one he bought over a year ago. It would rot there, box unopened, as everything else eventually would. No word about his demotion, about the trial and about how he was certain of his timely death, upcoming by now. Instead, she told him she didn’t think she was coming back for the next Games, that she needed a break from it all. To her, the Capitol probably smelled like him too much for it to be a fair fight. To him, the Capitol smelled nothing like her, causing him to subconsciously look for her perfume everywhere.

The Games wrapped up, and he had to do it over again, except this time, the cards have been already distributed. With a losing hand, he had to keep going. He started building the arena on autopilot, not quite taking it in. On the other side of the world, she called late in the night about Gwendolyn having a bad fever. He asked if she wanted him on a train to Three, but they settled on her taking the baby to the hospital first thing in the morning. A day later, she sent a couple of pictures of a grinning baby he no longer recognized by heart. If she was growing up happy, however, that was more than what he could offer.

There was no way of postponing his meeting with his lawyer any longer. The world was burning, but the trial was knocking on his door, not quite knowing it’s unlocked. Two hours into meeting with his lawyer, the man already answered all the possible questions he could have. There was one, unworded, vile, about split custody, but he held it in. He preferred her to be happy. She was the healthy parent, the experienced parent, the loving parent, too. He didn’t want to take anything away from either of them. Instead, he shook hands with the lawyer, thanked him for his efforts and information given, and moved on.

the fall of the Capitol

One afternoon, working in the Tower, they declared an emergency. A bomb had been located within the Tower. He didn’t panic. His life felt already over, anyway. He kept working on the next arena, programming at his desk now, instead of any other place within the Tower. His desk, a fort against other people, was the only place he could stand, with no risk of running into anyone. He couldn’t afford the risk of hoping he would run into someone, at least. However, he did call her, almost certain they would all blow up. He didn’t speak a word about the threat -- she’d find out on the news and feel less guilty than if he brought it up in the spur of the moment. Instead, they conversed about weather, about Gwendolyn’s first steady steps that he was missing. He asked about her, too. She didn’t have anything to answer with. The bomb was diffused before he could stress about it.

He watched from his wall-sized window as the rebels drove their cars into the foundation of the Tower. Pouring himself a drink, he watched the world burn under him, and it felt like nothing different from before. With detachment, he kept on working on his project on the background of explosions. At one point, someone intervened, walked into his office despite his clear request not to be interrupted, and asked him to step away. The Tower was being evacuated. Despite the immediate danger, he didn’t rush. He took his time unplugging all the hardware and placing it in his backpack before lowering himself with the elevator into the underground parking lot.

A black car drove him through the tunnels, to the outskirts of the city. A president representative was waiting for him in the car. They advised him to lie low until further instructions. He refused the offer of being brought to the presidential manor for further work. He knew he could work from home just as well. With the beginning of the next arena in his backpack, he walked home, back downtown. He left his backpack in his vault and locked the door for the first time in ages.

As the world was building around them, he entered one of the clubs he used to go to without feeling like dying. He didn’t like most of the nighttime entertainment the Capitol provided, but he did like this one -- dark, underground, heavy but instrumental music, not much dancing. Instead, he took a seat at one of the smaller bar isles, and ordered a melancholic Cuba Libre -- her drink, not his. He asked if his favorite bartender still worked there -- and they did not. It’s been years. He knew that, too. The second drink followed, then the third, then the fourth. When he came back home, he struggled to unlock the front door.

The next day he woke up before sunrise, he plugged everything into his apartment, he invited over a small group of the most trustworthy architect, logistics and plot drop Gamemakers to keep working on the arena while the president figured out a more sustainable solution. After a long day of work, where he had to build up morale for everyone in the room, he went out again, to supress the gaps of his evening. This time, a girl with curly hair sat at his table, and he didn’t excuse himself, for once. Instead, he listened to her talking about her dreams of becoming a stylist. He even humored her efforts to pick him up. She was witty. It felt wrong and flattering at the same time, so he allowed it as he kept sipping from his fifth glass. Then, he fucked her in the bathroom. Only afterwards did he excuse himself and disappear.

He took two showers in the morning, poured himself a cup of coffee in his perfectly orderly kitchen, and kept working on the scheme of plot drops -- permanent, potential and mandatory. He videochatted with a bigger number of the Gamemaking team, explaining just what he knew of what was about to happen to their schedules, where the Games were going to be thrown next. The days were clean, bright, minimalistic like his computer screen. The nights turned into black holes, controlled only by his reason, insisting this was a phase he needed to go through.

Around him, water systems were being poisoned. He started testing water before drinking, he had a filter made, he decided poison wasn’t what would kill him, if anything had to. For three days after the rebels bombed the Odysea Lounge, he didn’t go out, even though his preferred bar was nowhere on the hottest lists. On the third day, the curly haired girl called him. He was confused as in how she got the number, especially a week after. She openly described what seemed like a complicated adventure for a girl who didn’t quite have all connections. He confessed that he didn’t feel comfortable being called on his phone. She asked if her coming over would feel better. After a brief laughter, he admitted that it wouldn’t. He wondered if she was a rebel spy. There was only one way to find out. Eventually, by the end of the conversation, he invited her over.

He didn’t explain that he wasn’t looking for anything. He simply stopped returning her calls. Instead, he started going out again. Someone offered ecstasy, and he felt nostalgic for his university years. He took one, washed it over with rum, and wrote the whole experience with a digital pen onto his phone, documenting every last thought. Something in him was dancing, but he refused to stand up from the bar. At some point, he found himself having sex with someone he didn’t recognize in a poorly lit room he didn’t recognize. Somehow, he found his way back to the bar. That was when he decided he had to leave. At home, he couldn’t sleep. In the early AM, he was on a hovercraft to Thirteen, with all that was left of him in his suitcase, as the effects of last night were wearing off.

district thirteen

When they arrived, he was chewing gum, to both get a sense of his own numbed jaw and to cast away the pregnant smell of alcohol, ashamed it might become noticeable. He shook hands with Radia Thorn -- “The man who designed Nikita, an honor!” she quickly exclaimed, all thrilled out of courtesy. He then pointed out the woman who handled clones was, in fact, dead. The food in Thirteen was terrible. As a vegetarian, he was underwhelmed to find out how dry and not at all green their vegetables were. He was going to die in there, underground, without vitamins, so he requested some that the next batch of Gamemakers brought with them a week later.

To welcome the Capitol into Thirteen, a luxurious feast was thrown. The Deputy Head Gamemaker had a knot in his throat -- certain words did give him that. Feast was one of them. However, it was exquisite and the display of District Thirteen culture was interesting. Their music, their dances, their food, their language -- “It was called French, wasn’t it?” he quickly inquired, in control of his past world references. However, he excused himself early, as he always would, and continued to work on the arena. They had so, so much work left to do, especially in a foreign space.

Underground, Lysander felt at ease, as if he’d always belonged there. One day, he would be underground forever. He made peace with that, as well. He thought about Clover, too -- often, even -- but he didn’t call those days, not from Thirteen. It simply wasn’t wise to, and she did ask for her space. She left, and it depended on him for the show to go on, so there was not much to be considered.

#self para #125 #126 #clover #bits #the architect of decay #let's just say there's a lot written but the only thing worth reading is the fall of the capitol #the rest is mainly for me #love it tho #also the tws at the beginning aren't even real tws because the content is very mild but i wanted to hook you into the self para xoxo

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derireo · 4 years

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real games ↦ itaizu

so what if he opens up a game on his phone at work? it’s not like it keeps him from getting the job done. but izumi; oh, izumi. she’s the one whose got him on some sort of leash, but they both don’t realise it. why does his mind keep going back to her?

song inspo: real games by lucky daye

slight nsfw. gaming references.

「 read here on ao3 」「 4.4k words 」

Before she came along, Itaru didn't find himself straying away from his tasks at work. Unless you counted the several phones and handheld consoles hidden away in his filing cabinet, Itaru never got distracted. He was the best at his job despite taking a break every five minutes at his desk just to give his phone a few love taps, and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

Well. When his boss and colleagues weren't around that is.

So it was definitely not a surprise when a young woman named Izumi Tachibana was suddenly put in his care for her first day. Had it not been for his image of being such a reliable employee, he wouldn't have wasted so much time guiding this girl around the office.

His hour of quietly grinding a game in his cubicle as he tapped at the keys on his keyboard was gone.

The girl seemed eager to learn though, as he noticed the worn-out notebook that sat in her palm, filled with lines of elegant, but at the same time scratchy writing. She took note of where everything was, to the printer room and to the washroom.

He didn't want to admit, but the girl was a joy to walk around the office with. She managed to casually slip in a small joke here and there as they ventured down the hallways together and Itaru loved it.

He wasn't really one for being called senpai, nor did he fancy being treated as such either. It's what made it difficult for him to become friends with his colleagues because the formalities were so stifling.

So thank goodness Izumi seemed to think the same.

The look on his face when he found out the girl was going to be working at the cubicle right across from him was priceless, and the two with their newly formed friendship quietly high fived each other due to the good luck that was bestowed upon them.

They hit it off so well as friendly coworkers that the people around them began to murmur, mostly out of jealousy.

Itaru Chigasaki was the one colleague everyone wanted to be close to, but his aloof demeanour and uninterested gaze made it difficult for others to approach. And somehow the newbie, Izumi, was already able to close the gap between them.

The young woman was oblivious to the whispers and glares that persisted over the months, and Itaru wasn't sure if it was okay to be impressed or amused by this dense trait of hers.

She definitely had a good sense for noticing presences though. The few times Itaru was too distracted by the game in his cabinet Izumi was there to warn him when their boss was heading their way.

She'd actually shoot a paper airplane into his face, crafted out of a red post-it note to get Itaru to gently slam the cabinet shut for when the boss was only a few metres away. A yellow paper airplane would signal that their boss wasn't too close, but was still heading towards them, while a blue paper airplane was reserved for colleagues who were likely to approach him for 'help' or an evening out together.

Honestly? There could have been better, much more subtle ways to deal with their mutual opponents, but Izumi seemed to hate how boring it was in the office. Sure, it's a professional workplace, and sure, maybe her and Itaru are the youngest pair of workers in here, but it wouldn't kill anyone to have a loud conversation for everyone to hear.

But still. Itaru wasn't one to get distracted.

Okay, the phones in his cabinet were a bit of a hindrance, but that's not the point. Itaru never lets anything get in his way when he needs to get work done, so the one time Izumi wasn't present, he had no idea why he was being so slow.

He thought at first it was because he had to be his own lookout for the day, head turning side to side more times than he could count as he anxiously clutched his phone in his lap rather than in his cabinet.

He also had to deal with his colleagues. There was no Izumi to drag around to 'photocopy' files with him that day, so there were a lot of people approaching him during her absence.

Itaru was miserable.

The day she came back, Itaru felt like the Heavens were opening up to him— or something equivalent to receiving that SSR you've always wanted during a solo-pull. Whatever.

"Miss Tachibana," Itaru sighed in relief when he heard the familiar tap of her heels scratching against the carpeted floor and leaned back in his chair, a hand already coming up to run through his mop of hair, "oh, how I've missed you."

The scoff that left her as she set her materials down on her desk was nothing but amused, her eyes trailing from her folders to look at Itaru with a playful smile. "You've become dependent on me, huh? I've only been sick for a few days."

"Few too many." He sighed honestly. "The boss caught me twice last week."

She whistled lowly, not caring that there were a few colleagues of theirs already glaring at her over their cubicle dividers.

She had no idea what everyone's problem with her was, but there were a few instances where some of them have actually tried to report her to their boss.

Thankfully, the old man had more faith in her, rivalling the trust he had in Itaru as he told her in private that he knew Izumi wasn't a bad character at all. He said something about jealousy as well, but decided not to touch bases on that so she was left in the dark.

"Your gamer reflexes are dwindling. I don't want to call it pathetic, but.." She pursed her lips with raised eyebrows, Itaru squinting at her behind his glasses.

"Pathetic." They said simultaneously, Itaru sadly acknowledging it while Izumi only stood there and smiled.

The blond man quietly exhaled and nodded his head, eyes glaring at his computer screen when Izumi giggled behind her hand at the unfortunate revelation. She didn't even wipe away that happy expression from her face when she threw a red, crumpled post-it note at him, her body turning a few degrees to bow respectfully towards their boss who had shown up out of nowhere.

"Welcome back, Tachibana-san! We've missed you." Their boss crooned like a singing blackbird, barely nodding at the healthy looking employee while he held a small file out for her. "Take it easy today. Whatever you can't do, feel free to hand it over to Chigasaki-kun."

The notion from their boss left the two youngsters surprised, but Izumi, being more impulsive, immediately accepted the offer and took the file with a grateful bow. "Will do!"

The old man chuckled as if he was talking to his favourite granddaughter before turning to Itaru with a mischievous smile. "Don't get distracted today, alright?" He went to go and pat Itaru on the shoulder before walking away to check on other colleagues, causing a mix of confusion and embarrassment to fester within the blond.

And with that and a lot of time before the work day ended, Izumi and Itaru made sure to focus on the task at hand. Their cubicle was probably the loudest today, not because they were talking, but because their fingers were typing at a speed that could only leave people breathless with amazement.

Izumi was finished after a mere four hours due to the small file she was given and offered her assistance to Itaru who was staring hard at his computer with furrowed brows.

"I'll be fine. Just go get some refreshments from the break room or somethin'." He mumbled, pen trapped between his lips as his eyes darted back between his files and his screen.

Probably not a good idea to let her walk off like that.

A few minutes of typing later, Itaru's gaze trailed towards the doorway of the break room to see Izumi talking to another colleague. Still with a cup in her hand, she spoke to them animatedly, and her eyes seemed to sparkle with delight as they touched on a subject she seemed to be passionate about.

Itaru looked away, fingers still tapping at his keyboard but at a slower pace than before. His mind was telling him to take a break on his phone, even if only for a second or two, or maybe even risk pulling out his old DS to check on his Animal Crossing village (I don't know I've only played New Horizons).

But then his mind went to Izumi who was still talking to whoever was there in that room with her, and his knee started bouncing. His fingers were twitching and hitting the wrong keys and he had to take a look at his papers twice to see if he looked at the numbers right.

Itaru was getting distracted.

He didn't want to admit that he was paying more attention to her than the workload that was sitting right in front of him. He didn't want to admit that his ears picked up on the sound of her giggle all the way from where she stood, no matter how quiet it was.

He didn't want to admit that she was slowly becoming his distraction.

He felt like he was sighing a lot today when he let out another exhale and slumped in his chair with a frown. He was in Izumi's line of sight from the break room when she held up her pinky and ring finger, hoping he'd see.

He saw the signal after a second of rubbing his face due to stress and jolted upright in his seat, startling the colleague who had snuck up on him all of a sudden.

"Chigasaki-san, I was wondering if—"

"Sorry." He said with a quick smile, interrupting the woman as he began to put the papers he finished into his nearly empty (he finishes his work on time) filing cabinet. "I've been meaning to take a break for a while. Please excuse me."

Sliding out of his work chair, Itaru bowed kindly and nudged his cabinet closed with his foot, resisting the urge to shove his hands into his pant pockets when he stood at his full height. He masked his gaze of annoyance by sending his colleague a subtle wink instead, and made a beeline towards the break room where Izumi still was.

He walked briskly to avoid any other coworkers who wanted to talk, bowing his head whenever someone else came too close. He walked so fast to the point where his heart was actually racing by the time he made it into the room, distracting Izumi from her oh-so interesting conversation with the man in front of her.

"Oh, Chigasaki-san! Came here to take a break?" The coworker Itaru didn't know the name of asked him curiously, noticing how Izumi stopping talking mid-sentence. There was a small glimmer to his eyes when Itaru pushed himself off the doorway, and the blond didn't like it one bit.

He straightened his vest with a kind albeit tired smile and shook his head, motioning towards Izumi who was finishing the last sip of water in her cup.

"No, actually, I need some assistance from Tachibana-san. I hope you don't mind me borrowing her for a bit."

Their colleague backed away from Izumi with a crooked smile, motioning towards the confused woman who was now throwing away her disposable cup. She tilted her head with a perplexed scrunch of her nose as Itaru began a staring contest with the other guy, keeping their eyes locked while he trailed behind Izumi who had already left the room.

Once Itaru readjusted the collar to his button down the pair began their trek down to the photocopy room. Izumi noticed how there were no files in Itaru's hands whatsoever, but decided not to comment on it, pressing her lips together to prevent an amused smile from making its way onto her face.

"I hate office romances." He groaned loudly once he heard the click of the door locking behind them, resting his weight against the printer by the door while Izumi leaned back against the counter parallel to him.

Her eyes squinted upon hearing what Itaru had to say, her fingers fiddling around with the fabric of her long sleeved blouse.

"You're currently playing a dating sim that's set in the workplace though." She remarked, gently reminding Itaru that he was contradicting himself.

"You got me there," he pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger, staring thoughtfully at the popped open button of Izumi's blouse that teased him with a small glimpse of her collarbone, "but I meant IRL."

Izumi scoffed, the smile finally making an appearance on her face. "None of our colleagues are dating though." Her smile quickly disappeared and she leaned into Itaru's bubble. "Unless you witnessed a pair during their rendezvous?"

Nosiness was definitely an endearing trait to Izumi when it was paired with her density, and it made Itaru smile just a little bit.

"Hm. Whatever you were doing with Mister Whoever earlier was a bit suspicious, don't you think?"

"Oh, stop." Izumi sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know what's with everyone always talking to me about that guy. There's nothing going on between us."

That made Itaru scrunch his nose.

"Um." He cleared his throat. "Press X to Doubt."

"Oh, you are so annoying." Izumi griped with a roll of her eyes, vaguely remembering the time she let Itaru waste her time by making her sit through his playthrough of L.A. Noire. She was invited to his house believing that they were going to use the spare time to finish her mountains of paperwork, but Itaru had ended up getting bored and played a video game while leaving Izumi to her own devices.

They both had to pull an all-nighter because the blond wanted to fuck around at the worst time possible.

"Hey, don't get mad at me." Itaru raised his hands up in defense of himself and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth to subdue the smile that was about to show up. "You were being distracting." He pointed an accusing, but playful finger at Izumi.

"I wasn't even loud or close enough for you to be distracted; unless you were busy staring or being jealous of the fact that I have guy friends that aren't you." She pointed a finger right back at Itaru who was now pouting, and she poked the man right in the sternum with a teasing smile. "I know I'm cute and all, but c'mon."

"You were having too much fun with him." Itaru complained as if he were a child stubbornly trying to keep his toys to himself and Izumi sighed at the semblance. She always wondered how Itaru managed to have two completely different personas depending on the environment he was in; and she was just lucky enough to have witnessed both sides.

"Sorry, my sweet husband." Izumi rolled her eyes with a mockingly exasperated sigh and leaned back against the counter, her arms propped up behind her. "I forgot that I can only have fun with you." She scoffed, letting her head fall back just the slightest so she could roll her neck and get rid of any stiff muscles.

And right here, Itaru would've said something snarky to retaliate. God, how badly he wanted to. The only thing that prevented him from biting back was the fact that Izumi called him 'husband', along with the eye opening revelation that she looked really pretty when she exposed the expanse of her throat like that.

Itaru.. was pretty sure he was losing his mind.

"I didn't know I maxed out your love-metre already. I had no idea we got married." He murmured to himself, not knowing that he was sounding like an idiot in front of Izumi. Not that she minded, but, like, if she had less self-control she'd definitely be decking the man in the face right now.

"With what you just said right in front of me, that love-metre just went all the way down to zero."

"Ah.. Tough crowd. People make flirting sound way too easy." His bland stare met Izumi's in a face off for a brief second or two until the woman snapped out of her annoyed daze to register the words that came out of Itaru's mouth.

Him? Flirting? Not the first two words she'd pair up together, but she was pleasantly surprised to say the least.

It was a curious thing, though. Izumi didn't take Itaru as a guy who found a normal girl like her to be any sort of attractive to him. He seemed a bit too untouchable to her; looking like a heartthrob she'd have a crush on in high school as well as having that adorably goofy side to balance it out.

She didn't really take Itaru as someone who would try and flirt with her of all people in the workplace.

"You're making it seem like you're interested in me, Its. Don't you think that's a bit unfair?" She crossed her arms again with a contemplative frown that had Itaru frowning right back at her. He didn't understand what she meant by that and he didn't feel like asking for the finer details, but he had a small inkling that she thought he was only playing around like usual.

But this.. wasn't the usual. To him at least.

He began to pretend that he was checking his cuff links as he looked for the right thing to respond with, his mouth opening and closing a few times.

He didn't want to outright confess to her, but it felt like it was going to be the only option if he didn't say anything now. He was just worried that there was a chance she'd reject him, laugh and punch him in the shoulder as she told him to stop joking and that it wasn't funny.

Itaru got so attached to Izumi despite knowing her for only a year, but he couldn't remember what it was like before she showed up. Every workday, he'd be looking at her, or he'd be wondering what she was doing in a different department another day. He looked forward to having those whispered conversations in the corner of the break room and the wasteful usage of post-it note airplanes being thrown at his face.

He didn't realise how much he liked Izumi and enjoyed her company this much until today, when he couldn't focus. When his mind kept wandering to her. When his eyes looked for her. The days she was on sick leave, Itaru had no idea it was going to be that difficult to even get through the workday. It felt like it had gone longer without her sitting across from him.

His long pause of silence left Izumi a little worried; wondered if what she said made Itaru uncomfortable. She didn't mean to, but Izumi didn't want to indulge him if he was only teasing her.

"Hey.. Stop thinking so hard." She laughed softly, but the furrow of her brows showed how concerned she was as she took a step toward the man who was at a loss for words. "Are you alright?" Her voice was gentle while a hand came up to reach for Itaru's tie, the other one unbuttoning his suit jacket to let her hold onto the silk fabric and grab his attention.

"Hm? Oh.. Yes." The man snapped out of his inner monologue when he felt a tug at his neck, seeing that Izumi had her lithe fingers wrapped up in his tie. She was sulking and had a pout on her face, much to Itaru's delight, and he stood up a little taller to look down at Izumi with the smile that he secretly reserved for her. "Sorry. I was wondering how I was gonna tell you that I like you."

Izumi paused. She didn't know what this meant.

The only thing she knew how to respond with was to laugh and to brush it off, but she could barely even manage that.

The laugh that was rising in her throat quickly died down when her eyes flickered upwards and met Itaru's honest gaze, and she gulped nervously.

"You're just playing with me, right?" Her voice was quiet as she tried to make herself believe that Itaru was just joking, but with the way he was staying silent, it told her that nobody was playing any games here.

They were the pair having a rendezvous.

"Do you want me to?" He murmured quietly, still not over the fact that Izumi had his tie in her hand and how badly he wanted her to pull on it; pull on it and make him lean down to kiss her.

He was itching to put his hands on her waist, to back her up against the counter she was leaning on earlier. He wanted to hear how her breath would catch in her throat when he'd lean down and just barely ghost his lips over hers. He wanted to hear her whisper that they shouldn't be doing this in the printer room of all places and have the grip she had on his tie contradict her statement.

His feelings were about to spill even more than they had already, but he wanted to wait for Izumi to make the first move.

Please make the first move.

"You're lying." She whispered meekly, eyes soft but accusing. Her fingers tightened around his tie just the slightest and it had Itaru's body going numb with excitement. Every little pull of the fabric made Itaru loom over her until the tips of their noses were almost touching, and he made sure that she was looking into his eyes as he slowly trapped her between himself and the counter, removing his glasses from his face and setting them down.

He let his hands rest on either side of Izumi and rest his forehead against hers with a tender smile.

"Never. Not to you." His chuckle was barely audible, but to Izumi, she could hear it loud and clear. His smiling eyes made her heart pound violently in her chest and she very desperately wanted to kiss him.

So she did.

It was chaste at first.

Her lips made brief contact with Itaru's and she pulled away before he could react, worried that he wouldn't return the affection.

Except that she was worried for no reason, and he reciprocated with much more intense feelings than she ever knew he could hold. With a subtle lick of his lip, Itaru's hands found the curve of Izumi's waist atop the thin material of her blouse and pulled her in with enough force to have the woman gasp.

Their mouths slotted together in a passionate kiss as the tip of Itaru's tongue lightly touched the soft cushion of her lip, causing her to subconsciously open up the seam that would invite Itaru to explore every sweet crevice of her mouth.

The gentle sighs that escaped Izumi were on the verge of sounding like a whimper, her fingers clinging onto the front of his shirt as their tongues made contact with a delicate flick. Itaru's teeth came down to capture the tip of her tongue when he found it, and he sucked on the muscle while his fingers dug into her sides.

Itaru wondered how long he'd wanted to do this for; how badly he so wanted to bite her whenever she poked her tongue at him in a teasing manner; when she licked her lip to catch the cream of a dessert that didn't make it into her mouth. He loved it when they'd go out drinking together because of this cute little tongue he had under his control; absolutely adored the way alcohol would spill from it whenever she was drunk out of her mind.

Her sweet, quiet moan reached Itaru's ears, and he was brought back to reality. He felt Izumi's palms press into his chest as she pulled away with a weak gasp, but he didn't stop. He couldn't. His lips found its way to her jaw next, kept going down with heated kisses until he met the length of her neck where she kept that pretty throat.

His mouth was hot against her skin as he pressed a flurry of kisses to her neck, teeth threatening to mark her as he bit at every sensitive spot she had, as if he already knew everything about her body.

He was getting lightheaded.

"Itaru.." She sighed, the last syllable of his name falling from her lips like a whine. "We can't do this here.. We'll get caught."

He ignored her in favour of forcing her head back with the nudge of her chin with his nose, lips sending wet kisses down the expanse of her throat with the tip of his tongue following suit right after.

"Ah– Chigasaki!" Izumi hissed in shock when he gave a particularly sharp nip to a sweet spot on her neck, causing a hand to fly up into his hair so she could forcibly pull him away.

"Don't leave marks, idiot." She thwacked a dazed looking Itaru on the chest, her embarrassment quickly being overrun by annoyance. With a skilled hand, she buttoned up her previously opened blouse just in case marks bloomed on her skin earlier all the while scolding a content Itaru, her hand still buried in his hair.

"We've been here too long. We should go back." Izumi murmured as she fixed the mess she made atop his head, already back to her professional persona (well– she never had one).

"Wow. You're super cute when you try to act like a serious office worker." Itaru said monotonously, but his eyes were filled with something akin to adoration. He was smiling dopily while Izumi readjusted his tie and made sure that his suit jacket was buttoned again, her expression unimpressed.

"And you're super annoying." She finally flashed him that teasing smile he always loved to see, flattening Itaru's tie against his chest. "As always."

She went up on her toes to place one more kiss to Itaru's reddened lips, laughing quietly when his cheeks became a faint rouge at the unexpected action.

Izumi went to unlock the doorknob that would free them from the printer room, but Itaru decided to open up his mouth to say something dumb, all the while putting on the glasses that made him look like a hard worker.

"Press Square to Kiss Your Wife."

"Shut up."

#lmfao itaru's corny af #a3! imagines #a3! fanfic #a3! scenarios #itaizu #itaru x izumi #a3!#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3! game #a3! itaru #chigasaki itaru #itaru chigasaki #izumi tachibana #tachibana izumi

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rosy-wooyoung · 3 years

Text

Let’s get emotional…

I know no one will read this but i’m still putting it out there!

today is my account anniversary!! 🥳🥳

I created this blog on the 14.12.2019, and a year later, nothing really changed. It’s just me, still sitting at my desk, my whole back hurting with cold hands and my pathetically low self-esteem. It was one boring evening, I remember, I had just eaten dinner and I rushed to my computer to come back on Tumblr to read more ATEEZ content because I was fascinated by them, their talent and stage presence. (I still am, don’t worry) And then, I thought damn, I wanna write for them as well. You know what?

Fuck it. Imma do it.

I put the task of finding a username aside and start feeling inspiration flooding in my mind. I spend the entire evening writing as the words come, not caring about the coherence, the grammar nor the consistency of my writing, I just type and type until my fingers are cramping and my brain lagging. It’s just an amazing feeling when you don’t have to rack your brains to find ideas or words, I just had to think of an ATEEZ member, and the imagination would immediately submerge my mind.

I truly aspire to find back the motivation I had a year ago.

The next morning, I even skip breakfast because I wanted to create, brainstorm, rewrite and correct the works I had produced the night before. I completely ditch my uni homework - don’t do that kids - until the end of the afternoon, where I post a note, introducing myself to the atiny Tumblr community. I was very anxious and shy before posting my first imagine, but I was immediately welcomed with likes, 20 on the first day to be exact. It was HUGE for me.

I’m someone extremely self-conscious and very hard on myself, so it was kind of a struggle to post content out on the Internet for strangers to read. I’ve always feared judgement, I’ve bathed in it since the day I was born and I can’t seem to get rid of it. 20+ fics are still rotting in my drafts, I’m just too insecure to release them, so I ignore them and always search for new content to write about. I’m also scared to disappoint, but that’s another story. Aside from that, I’m really grateful because I’ve never received this much love and support in my life since I started this account. Whether is keyboard smashing in the reblog section or just someone saying “uwu that was so cute 🥺”, my day is automatically better. I have never received support or compliments from my parents, siblings or friends that I thought were the closest. Never. And it’s a weird yet great feeling!!

The first two months were amazing. By the beginning of February, I had hit the 200-followers milestone. It was something unbelievable for me. You may think that I’m exaggerating, but I was really thinking that I would only get like maximum 50 followers, and I would have still been happy about it. My account was doing great, but at this point, it was my health that started going downhill.

The pandemic and the stress from it aggravated everything, weakening my heart to the point of needing urgent surgeries (2, almost 3 in October, where there was a risk for me to d*e. Great when you’re a young woman who only spent her twenty first years of existence studying and worrying about her future :/). I get stressed out extremely easily and my doctor diagnosed me with severe anxiety and depression a few years ago. And guess what? They were acting up of course, so nothing was by my side. I was lost about my future and my career – I still am haha (pain) – and it was a hard time for me, for us. I’m still not at my best, but at least I’m trying, that’s what matters the most, right? This blog and the people I met there were my source of comfort and light, my safe place, it helps me a lot to just read or laugh at what I see in my dash to make me forget about everything that is bothering me. I met wonderful, supportive people on there and I can’t find the right words to truly express how I am feeling. And here I am right now, a year later, Tumblr being my solace because I can read really really good fics and wips, as well as exchanging with other atinys and people from other fandoms.

I still have those moments of doubt when I’m about to post something like, will this be appreciated? Isn’t it too cliche, too bad, too fluffy, grammatically correct, cool enough, aesthetic enough, cute enough, did someone already write something along those lines without me knowing it? Will I get accused of stealing or plagiarising?

I can’t stop overthinking, but I’m trying to work on it, I really am, even if it’s hard. It’s really not something easy and I get defeated quite quickly, but at least I’m trying.

Even if I lost loved ones during this year (friends that ghosted me for other people, my grandpa passing away from cancer, watching and knowing acquaintances dying bc of covid…) I’ve got to know beautiful angels on here, my mutuals and my followers!! Even if we don’t talk 24/7, I really love and appreciate every single one of you. I know we’re just internet friends, but you really count for me. Please excuse me if you’re tired of seeing me being constantly apologising or being weird and absolutely not funny, I’m trying to become a better person. I absolutely adore when you mention me in tag games or send me love and support via asks or private messages, it makes my heart go really warm. If it were possible, I’d give each single one of you a hug and a big kiss on the cheek because you all deserve it and I love you.

Thank you @atbzkingdom, @closer-stars, @barsformars, @trashlord-007, @ateez-little-star, @tinkerbellwoo, @chrryhwa, @ateezlips, and everyone that I missed that follow me and support me, I luv you all sm :-]

Sorry if this post doesn’t make sense, I just wanted to try and express my gratitude as well as my love for everything you gave me. I hope 2021 will be better, kinder for all of us, and I wish everyone reading this to be(come) happy and healthy.

with all my love, rosy ♥

#rosy's talk #rosy-wooyoung anniversary #personal #<333

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