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ravenwitch45 · 9 months

Note

How would Blitzo and Loona react if his human s/o was a werewolf which was kept a secret? I don't know if werewolves would make sense into the HB lore or not.

https://www.britannica.com/art/werewolf

https://www.worldanvil.com/w/darkness-moon-chronicles-amelianite/a/werewolf-reproduction-condition#:~:text=For%20the%20females%20and%20male,(in%20Earth%20time%20scale).

Hmm well I feel any mythical creature can exist with what we know of HB but either I'm good. I love werewolves, have for a long time so I get the general idea. And also the.... Ahem Werewolf Reproduction article was an odd thing to read. Do you want this to be NSFW? If so please ask that XP But no biggie, let's get this started.

(BTW this is going off my own interpretation of Werewolves, so just be aware this might stray from the usual)

Blitzo and Loona finding out his human S/O is a secret werewolf

You may have done your best to hide it, cleaning up any fur you shed in the apartment, masking the fur care advice you gave to Loona as it being from a friend, and rushing out somewhere out of the way when the full moon came so neither saw you transform.

This is helped Blitz is usually busy on full moons with Stolas, so you don't really need to worry about him, and Loona minds her buisness usually, not questioning you speeding out every month

But if we know one thing, is that Blitz is one nosy little bitch.

With someone he's comfortable with showing affection for, he sees no boundries, even when you tell him some.

So when he hears Loona mention how you leave for a good while every full moon, he's suspicous, admittedly afraid you might be cheating on him while he's with Stolas.

So he schedules with the bird to do things a day early so he can be home during the full moon. Asks you about it, getting a very dodgey answer about seeing friends but that doesn't satisfy him.

When you eventually rush out, he grabs Loona (Who is very annoyed btw) and they tail you, expecting you to head to some other apartment or hotel but instead you end up in a near abandoned part of the city, only really inhabited by gangs and the like and Blitz get's less angry and more concerned for you.

Eventually you stop in an alley, with the two peeking from the end, seeing you shrug off your coat before you start breathing heavily and starting you yell almost unnaturually.

Blitz rushes towards you, yelling your name, making you turn to him in surprise, trying to shout for him to leave before you slam your hand on the ground as your nails turn to claws and fur covers your body, growing in size.

Loona just goes "Holy shit..." at the sight, you falling to your knees as you fully transform, growing a muzzle, wolf ears and a long bushy tail not unlike Loona's own. Just staying there breating heavily before going "Why did you follow me...?"weakly.

They both just say that they were concerned you were in trouble, neglecting to mention Blitz's original thought. The Imp asking you why you were hiding this from them. Just getting you thought he'd be disgusted, having met you as a human.

He denies the notion, honestly loving the new look which get's you blushing in surprise, Loona also saying you look pretty cool. And you fit into Hell more with this form then as a human anyway.

You admit that when you still lived on earth, people considered you a monster and hated you for your lycanthropy despite you able to control yourself. Transforming voluntary aside from Full Moons.

They call how you were treated the BS it is before Blitz hugs you, a bit flustered by how much bigger you are now but still, Loona putting a hand on your shoulder softly. As you cry a little, happy they both still love you.

After that your a bit more open with it, transforming at home, and eventually at the office after Blitz clears it with Millie and Moxxie. Your able to live and control your actions in both forms so it's just a matter of what your feeling at the moment.

Blitz asks about it, curious how it works and if it's tough for you. Honestly thinking of asking Stolas if he'd help cure you, but you admit that hating your werewolf side was more a taught behavior, and you've grown to like it since him and Loona have started welcoming it as part of you, which you appreciate greatly.

He'll also make jokes about it but not insenstive ones, mainly dirty ones "Hey wanna do it like dogs tonight Y/N~?" But he'll back off if they seriously annoy you or something.

Blitz loves to nuzzle into your fur, complimenting how soft it is, sometimes falling asleep on you like a pillow which you find adorable. You sometimes transforming when he's tired so he'll rest on you, you can wash the drool off in the morning.

As for Loona, she pratically will treat you like just another Hellhound, cause that's kinda what you are transformed and all. You two will vent to eachother how hard fur care is and how it get's everywhere, laughing together.

When she introduces you to Vortex in your wolf form, he goes "Yo is this your parent Loona?" Which gets her very flustered, not used to considering you that yet.

Overall they both love it, it's a part of you and just as lovable as the rest they feel, and they accept it with open arms.

Okay I enjoyed that! Again did my own spin on werewolves, less suffering, more just fun hijinks with two forms removed from people who look down on it. I like wholesome, so I do wholesome. Hope you enjoyed!

#ask reply #helluva boss #blitzo #blitzo x reader #helluva boss x reader #x reader #x gn reader #helluva loona #werewolf reader #I love werewolves XP #Also man that link... surprised me XP

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playlistjunkie · 1 year

Text

The Rap Year Book: The Most Important Rap Song From Every Year Since 1979, Discussed, Debated, and Deconstructed (2015)

Written by Shea Serrano

Illustrated by Arturo Torres

Very Good Rap Songs, But Not The Best

I Need Love - LL Cool J

Passing Me By - The Pharcyde

Me & My Bitch - The Notorious B.I.G.

All I Need - Method Man

Renee - Lost Boyz

Brown Skin Lady - Mos Def

How’s It Goin’ Down - DMX

You Got Me - The Roots

The Light - Common

21 Questions - 50 Cent

Book Overview Barnes & Noble

From Sugarhill Gang to NWA to Biggie to Kanye, The Rap Year Book takes readers on a journey that begins in 1979, widely regarded as the moment rap became recognized as part of the cultural and musical landscape, and works its way right up to the present.

Shea Serrano deftly pays homage to the most important song of each year. Serrano also examines the most important moments that surround the history and culture of rap music—from artists’ backgrounds to issues of race, the rise of hip-hop, and the struggles among its major players—both personal and professional. Covering East Coast and West Coast, famous rapper feuds, chart toppers, and showstoppers.

It’s like the gold tank from Master P’s “Make ’Em Say Uhh!” video, except it’s a book. It’s like Kanye’s verse on “Put On,” except it’s a book. It’s like the face Biggie made when on the boat with Puff in “Hypnotize,” except it’s a book. Songs include:

1979: Rapper’s Delight

1982: The Message

1988: Straight Outta Compton

2004: Still Trippin’

2007 International Players Anthem

2010: Monster

One for every year!

The Rap Year Book is an in-depth look at the most influential genre of music in our generation. Complete with infographics, lyric maps, hilarious and informative footnotes, portraits of the artists, and short essays by other prominent music writers, The Rap Year Book is both a narrative and illustrated guide to the most iconic and influential rap songs ever created.

#book #music #rap music #The Rap Yearbook #Shea Serrano

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dsmpdaily · 3 years

Note

Pokemon i think the dsmp characters should have, based on my memory of any and all events lol (not a drawing req! i just wanna share my thoughts)

Technoblade: this man def owns an Emboar. He used to be a massive battle royale star, now he's retired and looks after lost pokemon in his homebrew day care.

Philza: I get the vibes that he'd own a Honchkrow or Dragonite. Used to team with Techno, now he also helps with the homebrew day care.

Wilbur: Mismagius or Froslass for no other reason than I think Ghost would fit him. Philza gave him the pokemon bc he found it while doing whatever when it was a little baby.

Tommy: Cinderace, Gallade, or Zangoose. Cinderace bc he has those vibes, Gallade bc I think one would simply join him voluntarily, and Zangoose just bc I like Zangoose.

Tubbo: Skiddo/Gogoat from Schlatt (slowly places the headcanon of schlatt being a father figure to tubbo in ur hands), Snorunt bc that bitch was difficult as hell to catch in pokemon ranger, bouncing all over the place, smh. Probably grows to be part of the elite four.

Ranboo: Yanmask/Runefigarus. Mask gang. Occasionally helps Techno's day care.

Dream: this man owns a seviper for the pure reason tommy's Zangoose doesn't like seviper. Other than that, probably Empoleon. I think he might an Elite 4 who wants to be Champ, but only for the reason of being corrupt. The exile arc still happens, just slightly different.

BBH: Grimmsnarl or Mimikyu. Grimm bc i like Grimm, Mimikyu bc I think it fits. He's probably an admin for an evil team and incredibly joyous about it.

Schlatt: Machamp and Hydreigon, raised explicitly to be competitive. Some poison/steel type (Nidoking?) to even out the Dragon is weak to Fairy thing. They are all raised and given EV/IV training explicitly for battling. I'd consider him like Cynthia only bc he'd train all the time, but with the attitude of Giovanni. Probably the leader of an evil team. Gave Tubbo the Skiddo, uhhhhh, dunno why lol

Eret: i think he deserves a legendary. let's give them reshiram. perfect. chin up, monarch. your crown is sliding down. Miotic for normal pokemon.

Quackity: Armaldo or Bisharp, with the fancy coin item to give you more money after battles.

Purpled: Deoxys for the alien theme, Starmie also for the alien theme but less mythic pkmn.

Puffy: Wooloo and a Delphox. Floof,,,,, def a pirate theme bc it just fits Puffy. Probably an elite four member bc she deserves it. Valid. Incredible. Showstopper.

Niki: Lumineon, Raichu, and a Houndoom. She'll make it work. Probs a very end-game gym leader who 100% is incredibly hard to beat. Houndoom was probably a gift from Wilbur. Good for her. Amazing. Wonderful. Can sometimes be seen helping Techno--- they all get together for book club on Saturdays :]

That's all i can remember rn lmao here u go im gonna go nap now

thank you for your thoughts! next time if anyone has long asks like this- u can group them up into separate asks to make it easier to respond to if u want ^^ no biggie

ill go over them all and put a 👍 next to the pair ups that i personally have in my own au!

techno & emboar 👍 he owns a very big emboar, above average size, and they like to wrestle together

phil has a corviknight, but honchkrow/dragonite is good too

yeah wilbur froslass!!!! 👍

ohh i do like tommy and gallade..

tubbo & skiddo 👍 HADHAHDH SNORUNT YEAH

well im givin dream a runefigarus/galarian yamask precisely because of that, mask

dream with a seviper and tommy with a zangoose is so big brain... since those pokemon Do Not like each other

bbh & grimmsnarl 👍

schlatt & nidoking maybe 👍 ah ur right he would be one to selectively pick pokemon to raise for combat, i feel like in my au techno used to be like that too but when he retired he stopped caring

HAHSAHA eret does deserve a legendary, chin up king

oh?? quackity and bisharp is so interesting.. i like bisharp a lot bc i was a big pokepark 2 player and i loved riling up the pawniard in windmill way shdhshf

deoxys would be the legendary friend for purpled totally, starmie is also good!! ur missing out on Beheeyem which really goes for the alien theme also

actually giving puffy mareep & that evolutionary line, bc i want wooloo/dubwool for schlatt i think it works better, and i want to give them different sheep pokemon since they're cool. i think niki & delphox is nice? puffy really works for that too..

BOOK CLUB ON SATURDAYS!!! i believe the syndicate would be a book club

i hope you have/had a nice nap!!

#asks #pokemon_au #long post

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pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid · 3 years

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Everyone praises Percy for being sarcastic or 'sassy' or whatever, but as soon as Octavian was a bit of a bitch towards the gang, people were calling for his execution

They just hate to see a girlboss winning

Yeah I totally agree with you

Considering that Percy was really crappy in HOO.

Not saying he’s a bad person in general cuz I loved him in the original 5 books.

But he was just way too self-centred and really disrespectful about things in HOO (referring to when he stepped down from being Praetor, which actually had a big procedure, but the guy casually stepped down and called it “no biggie” like he didn’t give a fuck about the rules of Camp Jupiter and the fact Jason and Reyna said nothing...it’s sickening)

And also the way Percy kept mocking him...yeah realllllll mature...😑

Well Octavian had his reasons to hate Percy, and he has his rights to do so. Of course I’m not gonna over look the shit Octavian did, cuz that was bad.

But R*ck (in my opinion) really fucked Percy up in HOO

Bruh...don’t get me started on the fandom. I’ll make a separate post about this. And I’m gonna rant like a bitch

Imma just stick with my 12 yr old Percy💙

#rick crit #rick riordan criticism #percy jackson criticism #pjo octavian #hoo octavian #pjo #hoo #heroes of olympus #toa #pjo fandom #trials of apollo #percy jackson #pjoverse #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo hoo toa #pjo stuff #pjo analysis

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thelordofdarkreunion · 3 years

Text

A List of Things the Scoundrels Are No Longer Allowed to Do

So, I have recently read “A List of Things Skippy Isn’t Allowed to Do in the Army” and “A List of Things Dr. Bright isn’t allowed to do at the SCP Foundation”, and I decided to do a version of my own. Some of these are taken from these other two lists. If anyone who reads this you has any ideas for the list, feel free to add them.

The group known as the Magnificent Scoundrels has gotten a bit out of hand. This list was compiled by Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, Admiral Kelly of the GA, Fleet Admiral Hood of the UNSC, Inquisitor Vail of the Holy Inquisition, Commander Briggs of the Frontier Militia, Princess Leia of the New Republic, and Director Fury of SHIELD in order to curb the Scoundrels’ more dangerous or inappropriate behaviors. These rules apply to all Scoundrels and their teams/crews.

1. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call SPARTAN super soldiers “big boys”.

2. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for handling people who smuggle Sith holocrons.

3. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “I am in need of a new host body” within earshot of Imperial Inquisitors.

4. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bargain personnel for their “souls”. Even if they say they can get you a good deal.

5. Government equipment is not to be used to bootleg pornography.

6. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to cite Kevin McCallister from Home Alone as a credible source for anti-personnel tactics in official documents.

7. The rumor that Adam Vir wears heelies while in official dress uniform is a blatant lie.

8. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send spam emails to Ceberus. Even if it is funny.

9. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to apply mind control devices to major political figures.

10. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to use time travel devices. Especially if his reasoning is to “screw with those history nerds.”

11. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths to alter or affect the outcomes of reality based television shows.

12. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade government property for liquor.

13. “I was bored” is not a valid excuse.

14. The Scoundrels are not allowed to begin a crusade without the written permission of the Imperial Inquisition.

15. Thanos is not to be referred to as “Biggy T”.

16. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use fan conventions as recruitment drives.

17. Any proposal which includes the phrase “metric fuck load” is to be denied.

18. The video game Doom is not a credible source.

19. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to allow Starfleet red shirts to be possessed by daemons or ancient Sith Lords.

20. When researching time travel, please refer to the work of the IMC’s ARES Division or the Starfleet, not Doctor Who, Back to the Future, or Call of Duty Zombies.

21. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to accept or use any of the following as currency:

Your soul

Anyone else’s soul

Firstborn children

Memories

Memes

Blood

Organs

Virginity

Ponies

Eldritch Artifacts

22. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any communist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck.)

23. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any fascist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck too.)

24. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join the Imperial Cult, unless they are an already practicing member. (Note from Thomas Drake- LONG LIVE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MAN AND IF YOU ARE AN INQUISITOR PLEASE NOTE I HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE EMPEROR EVER.)

25. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt the Asari about how bad they are at fighting wars.

26. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, unless they brought enough for everybody.

27. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, even if they did bring enough for everyone.

28. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Volus’s as bowling pins or bowling balls.

29. While we do not have jurisdiction over him and thus cannot prevent their sale, none of the other Scoundrels are to purchase or proquire experimental drugs from Thomas Drake.

30. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to imply that their superior officers served in World War II. They aren’t that old.

31. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use military vehicles to “squish” things.

32. Surprisingly enough, or, perhaps not, considering what’s on there, downloading the entirety of 4chan into a Geth Colossus did, in fact, shut it down.

33. Loudspeaker systems are not to be used to broadcast the soundtracks of porno movies.

34. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to drink copious amounts of food coloring before urine tests.

35. When operating military vehicles, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt “something I saw in a cartoon”.

36. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

37. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make s’mores while on guard duty.

38. The Illuminati are not a part of the chain of command.

39. Pants are not optional parts of a dress uniform.

40. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”. (Note from Peter Quill- They were pretty cool though.)

41. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call medics “Dr. Feelgood” unless Feelgood is the medic’s actual last name.

42. The God-Emperor of Mankind is not to be referred to as “Big Daddy E” or “The Lord of Bling”.

43. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take the batteries from other peoples alarm clocks.

44. Unless you are a certified Titan Pilot, you are not allowed to pilot a Titan.

45. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

46. “Challenge accepted” is not a valid excuse for anything.

47. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to claim that they are reincarnations of famous historical figures without proof.

48. Thomas Drake is a human mercenary. He does not possess any of the following:

Laser eyes

Laser nostrils

Laser [CENSORED]

An adamantium skeleton

A map leading to “all of the Nazi gold”

Mjolnir

The Kronorium

The Necronomicon

The Book of Magnus

“The touch”

“The power”

“The secret”

“The 6th sense”

The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

49. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start theological debates between members of the Imperial Cult and the Covenant.

50. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mock Stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire over how bad their aim is. Even if their aim is bad.

51. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Jamaican vacation giveaways”.

52. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell counterfeit Infinity Stones.

53. Pictures of other Scoundrels in compromising positions are not to be put on the internet. Or the extra- or holo- net.

54. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to “water” Vrul. While they do get their energy from photosynthesis, they are not plants.

55. The Scoundrels are not “the final bosses” of anything.

56. The Scoundrels must try not to antagonize SPECTREs, Inquisitors, or ODSTs.

57. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

58. There are no evil clowns living under your bed.

59. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to form press gangs.

60. The Scoundrels are not the kings or queens of cheese.

61. If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 15 seconds, you are to assume you aren’t allowed to do it.

62. Crucifixes do not ward off superior officers, and you should not test that.

63. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on heavy machine guns.

64. Try and keep all mockery of the press at an appropriate minimum.

65. You cannot imply your CO is possessed by anything.

66. You cannot trade your CO to the Covenant.

67. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.

68. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

69. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

70. “I was drunk” is not a valid or appropriate excuse.

71. Mandalorian armor is not part of any of our governments’ full dress uniforms.

72. You should not yell “Kobe!” when blowing up enemy starships.

73. The “revolution” is not now.

74. Unless you are in extremely dire circumstances, you are not allowed to eat your uniform.

75. Body checking General officers is not a good idea.

76. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell police officers that belt-fed machine guns are “medicinal”.

77. If you check the box marked “Other” on official documents, you have to fill it out.

78. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to fill prescription drug bottles with M&M’s or Mike and Ike’s.

79. None of the Scoundrels possesses a name that, when spoken aloud, can kill.

80. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge anyone to a duel.

81. The proper response to a briefing is not “that’s what you think”.

82. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to end official reports with Sabaton lyrics. Or lyrics from any metal band, for that matter.

83. The phrase “to conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not to be said.

84. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to appeal to humanity’s baser instincts on recruitment posters.

85. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to N7’s Iron Eye Soldiers Space Marines janitors anyone as “the cool kids”.

86. None of the Scoundrels have “won the internet” and are not authorized to declare that they or any other individual or individuals have done so.

87. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use redacted data in official reports as “mad-libs”.

88. The following are not appropriate sources for new crew members:

Temp agencies

Reality show talent pools

“Orphans”

“Urchins”

“Ragmuffins”

“Those sons of bitches who I know had a stacked deck”

Ex-girlfriends

Ex-boyfriends

Ex-partners of any variation whatsoever

Forum trolls

“Angsty teens”

89. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sneak links to Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up into official reports.

90. None of the Scoundrels possess “voodoo powers”.

91. “Why not?” is not a valid excuse.

92. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make masturbation jokes when in the presence of official dignitaries.

93. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play the song Thriller when in the presence of anything that could be considered a zombie, which includes but is not limited to Curse of Unbelief victims, Vrul Zombies, and Reaper Husks.

94. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “elephant sauce”.

95. “No shirt, no shoes, no service” does not imply that undergarments are unnecessary.

96. The following words and phrases may not be used in marching cadence:

Budding sexuality

Necrophilia

I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead

Lubrication

Your mama

All Marines are latent homosexuals

Tantric yoga

Gotterdammerung

We’ve all got jackboots now

Any references to squid

97. You can’t have flashbacks to wars you weren’t in.

98. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis the world is going to end, more than once.

99. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take or place bets on what would happen if the Tyranids fought the Flood.

100. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s transporters to steal things.

101. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “We fight for Mother Russia!”

102. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union when entering or exiting buildings.

103. Adam Vir is no longer allowed to claim that “PTSD is just spicy nostalgia.”

104. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and get kidnapped by the Dark Eldar.

105. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try to figure out a way to bring back the Protheans and the Forerunners so they can fight each other.

106. Drax the Destroyer is no longer allowed to claim that he can become invisible just by standing still.

107. Please do not confuse the primarchs of the Turian Hierarchy with the Primarchs of the Imperium of Man.

108. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to Admiral Ackbar or any other member of the Mon Calamari race as “those calamari boys”.

109. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to address their superior officers as “bro”.

110. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and sell major political figures to Trazyn the Infinite.

111. Peter Quill is not a god.

112. Please refrain from using nicknames when referring to the Avengers, which includes but is not limited to calling Captain America “the spangly dude”, Thor “sparky guy”, Iron Man “my homie”, and Captain Marvel “Her”.

113. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Titans as personal valets.

114. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to contact the Shadow Realm.

115. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to steal artifacts from any of the following:

Luke Skywalker

Shadow Revenant

The Collector

Trazyn the Infinite

General Marder

The Adeptus Mechanicus

116. Thomas Drake is not allowed to be near any weapon capable of producing an explosive force greater than ten megatonnes.

117. Do not ever challenge a Klingon to a duel.

118. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to flip off Force ghosts.

119. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “It’s boogaloo time!”

120. The Scoundrels are to stop introducing A.I.’s to the teachings of the Cult Mechanicus.

121. The Scoundrels are to stop referring to Thomas Drake as “Our Glorious Overlord.”

122. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send porn to the Shadow Broker. This is the ninth hit on you guys we’ve had to stop.

123. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to the crewmates or superiors of any of the other Scoundrels as “extremely hot”. Even if they are.

124. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say that they are “super gay for Loki”.

125. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pit a biotic, psyker, and Force-sensitive against each other just to “see what happens”.

126. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a resume.

127. The Scoundrels shall not may not begin their sentences with “thou shalt not”.

128. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send videos of “the sax guy” to the Borg.

129. Jack Cooper does not have “tons of gold” hidden somewhere on the destroyed planet of Typhon.

130. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell Jedi or Astra Telepathica recruits “You’re a wizard, Harry”.

131. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to stand in the corner and twiddle their thumbs.

132. “YOLO” is not a valid excuse for anything.

133. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a to-do list.

134. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of Edward Richtofen from Call of Duty Zombies. Or the experiments of any other insane fictional doctor.

135. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to throw themselves through windows “to prove that the glass is unbreakable” for any reason whatsoever.

136. “Because reasons” is not a viable excuse.

137. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to anyone else as “peasant” or “plebeian”.

138. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel fictional horror stories involving their families.

140. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel factual horror stories involving their families.

141. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt eldritch beings imprisoned within artifacts.

142. Speedos are not part of formal attire.

143. If Ciaphas Cain is telling you a story about his exploits, he is exaggerating what he did, downplaying what he did, outrageously lying about what he did, and telling the complete truth about what he did all at the same time.

144. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to sell fictional stocks to the Tesraki or Ferengi.

145. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to defraud the stock exchange.

146. No religious deity is allowed to contradict orders from a superior officer.

147. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dress up as each other.

148. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make pin-up calendars. Especially of each other.

149. Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on Chaos Space Marines.

150. Shepard and Agent Coulson are not allowed to form a “Technically Undead Club”.

151. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to unmask members of the Mandalorian extremist cult known as ‘The Watch’.

152. Unless you want to lose nine months pay in twenty minutes, do not play cards with Han Solo, Ciaphas Cain, John Shepard, or Thomas Drake.

153. At all times, you should try and stay away from Revenant, Loki, and Cypher.

154. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to re-create scenes from Pulp Fiction.

155. Do not fake heart attacks around Dr. Krill. The poor guy is stressed enough as is.

156. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge Thomas Drake and Liara T’Soni to a “who knows more secrets” game. Lord Inquisitor Hector Rex was very displeased when Drake stole the Grimoire of True Names. (Note from Amberley Vail- How the hell did he manage to get his hands on that?)

157. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to steal things from the Imperium of Man or the Jedi Order, considering the consequences of such artifacts being in the wrong hands. (Note from Thomas Drake- Of course. I would never…)

158. It is not a good idea to piss off any Scoundrel that considers themselves an information broker.

159. Introducing the Black Templars to heavy metal was, in retrospect, a bad idea.

160. Any ancient alien technology should be submitted to the proper authorities, not sold on Ebay.

161. Challenging a Klingon, Sangheili, or Drev to a duel is a horrible idea. As already mentioned. However, challenging a Custodian to a duel is suicidal.

162. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Tony Stark’s nicknames for anyone.

163. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths in casinos.

164. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start “prank wars”.

165. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell themselves or any part of themselves to Trazyn the Infinite.

166. Be warned. If you challenge any of the Scoundrels to do something sexual, they will most likely do it.

167. Do not challenge John-117 or John Shepard to a drinking game. They cannot get drunk. You will die of alcohol poisoning before they’re even a little tipsy.

168. While several of the Scoundrels are members of highly elite military forces, none of them are members of any of the following:

The Swiss Guard

The 101st Airborne Division

The Winged Hussars

The Immortals

Napoleon’s Imperial Guard

The SAS

The 62nd Red Army

Spetznaz

The CIA

The KGB

169. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to kidnap penguins.

170. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on bayonets.

171. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hand over annoying journalists to the Borg.

172. Do not ever say the phrase “What’s the worst that could happen?”

173. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold contests to see who can cause more of these rules to be created.

174. Adam Vir is to stop bringing new alien species onboard the Omen as pets.

175. The Scoundrels are surprisingly creative when it comes to revenge. Don’t piss them off.

176. Unless you are a Space Marine or Sister of Battle, “Deus Vult” is not a valid excuse.

177. If you need upgrades to your weapons and gear, please use the engineers on your team or other government approved individuals.

178. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to host their own version of the Hunger Games.

179. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to quote Monty Python.

180. No matter how good they are with technology, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to get any members of the following species to upgrade their gear:

Protheans

Forerunners

Necrons

Eldar

Rakata

181. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to summon any of the following beings to the material universe or into space ruled by any of our governments:

The Nightbringer

Darth Nihilus

Lord Vitiate

The Old Ones

The Kwa

The Reapers

Deus

The Dominion

Any C’tan

Any individual or entity associated with the Ruinous Powers

Shadow Revenant

182. If you ask them to, most of the Scoundrels will, in fact, “draw you like one of their French girls”.

183. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bring members of extremely logical-minded species to modern art museums.

184. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to seduce diplomats.

185. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to yell “Ramming speed!” when at the controls of their starships.

186. There is only one God-Emperor of Mankind, and none of the Scoundrels are it.

187. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Batarian soldiers as target practice.

188. The Imperial Inquisition encourages the Scoundrels to use heretics as target practice.

189. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to initiate random fire drills.

190. Shepard is no longer allowed to lord his SPECTRE status over Alliance enlisted personnel or other “lesser beings”.

191. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell fictional horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

192. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell factual horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

193. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “We ride at dawn!”.

194. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pool their resources to buy any starship over a kilometer long.

195. THE SCOUNDRELS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL STAR DESTROYERS OR ANY OTHER STARSHIP OVER A KILOMETER IN LENGTH.

196. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make clones of each other.

197. None of the Scoundrels have holidays named after them. (Addendum: Cain does, on the planet of Perelia.)

198. The Scoundrels are encouraged to stay away from the planet Perelia.

199. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to their crew as “my glorious minions”.

200. John-117 is no longer allowed to attempt orbital reentry with nothing but his suit of armor.

201. Do not imply that Caiphas Cain and Amberley Vail are in a relationship, because, no matter how probable it may seem, Amberley will kill you.

202. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell toasters to the Adeptus Mechanicus.

203. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Casual Fridays”.

204. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use jetpacks.

205. Don’t try to blackmail Drake. The last time someone tried to do this, it was with his sexual history. He laughed in their face and personally published the video on the internet. His public approval rating then went up 30%.

206. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of the Vault-Tech Corporation from the Fallout video game series.

207. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play Triumphal March whenever they enter or exit a room.

208. None of the Scoundrels are to be allowed anywhere near a lightsaber.

209. None of the Scoundrels are allowed or authorized to knight anyone.

210. None of the Scoundrels are allowed to edit this list.

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c-c-cherry · 4 years

Text

Bucci Gang Headcanons!!!

I’m not really one to usually post this kind of stuff, but these are some lil headcanons my pal @jjadegreen and I have come up with while stuck in the same house during the quarantine!!

These literally range from *probably would happen* to *fucking crack* so y’all have been warned...

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Giorno is one of those people that has a secret sweet-tooth. Like. An insane one where if he actually decides to indulge in it he cannot fucking stop.

When he does go overboard, it’s usually because Bruno got his favourite ice cream flavour from the store and it’s always at some ungodly hour of the night.

He usually blames it on Mista somehow. Accidentally ate the entire tub of ice cream at 3am? No biggie. Just put the spoon on Mista’s bedside table while he’s asleep!

Everyone blames Mista for it EVERY TIME and now he’s not allowed to eat any ice cream when they buy it. Mista thinks it’s the Sex Pistols because he swears he doesn’t remember doing it.

Giorno just sits there like *sweats* “yeah uh no it had to be Mista, right? There’s definitely no one else it could be, right? Right??”

One time Abbacchio caught him in the act at like 4am and they have yet to bring it up.

He would spill Giorno’s big secret, but he really likes to see Mista suffer.

Narancia wears skirts sometimes and it’s not a big deal. He vibes, they all just vibe. No toxic masculinity here.

Narancia is genuinely afraid of those “IF YOU DO NOT SEND TO 10 PEOPLE THIS WILL APPEAR AT THE END OF YOUR BED AT 3AM” emails.

One time he couldn’t do it because Bruno took his phone away and he sat in bed all night fucking trembling in fear of what chain mail monster would eat his face off this time.

Abbacchio hates geese. No one knows why. Not even Bruno.

Narancia’s real stand name IS Aerosmith, but he’s dead set on calling it Lil’ Bomber because “that’s his rapper name.”

Mista is lactose intolerant but he doesn’t know because he just thinks it’s normal to feel excruciating pain when you eat ice cream.

“Like how pineapples hurt your mouth when you eat them.” -Mista probably

Bruno literally had to take him to the hospital one night because he inhaled too much ice cream and would not stop throwing up and Mista was like “wait this doesn’t happen to you??”

Trish hates butterflies because *fun fact!* butterflies often feed on not only nectar and fruit, but DECAYING CORPSES of animals!

When she was a kid, she was walking in some alleyway and ran into a dead animal covered in butterflies. One landed on her arm and she fucking screamed. She will never look at them the same ever again...

Giorno loves to make things into butterflies when they all spend time together, and Trish literally has to suppress a shudder every time one goes near her.

Fugo is one of those people that is basically not afraid of anything, but when a fucking bee comes near him he will LOSE IT. He’s one of those people that will have to get up and run away from a bee when it flies near him.

If you tell him that it will leave him alone if he stops moving, he will punch you.

Giorno likes to make shit into bees sometimes just to fuck with him

Bruno does not like dogs. It probably stems from some childhood experience that went sour, but he does not care. He will be stone-faced during any mission or situation, but if a dog tries to jump up and greet him he will freak. The fuck. Out.

One time Narancia and Mista brought home a dog from the streets and mama Bruno was like “NOPE” and zipped himself out of existence.

Abbacchio found him locked in the closet under the stairs when he got home and made them get rid of it.

Leone was more of a cat person anyway.

Abbacchio eats raw pasta.

Fugo plays chess with himself. When Giorno joins the team he’s like “ugh finally an intellectual” but Giorno has literally never seen a fucking chess board in his life and is too scared to tell Fugo so he just keeps making up excuses as to why he doesn’t “have time” to play chess with him today.

Mista doesn’t shower but he has a BOMB-ass face-care routine. Even Trish is jealous. His face? Baby soft? Ten out of ten. The rest of him? Axe body spray out of ten.

Narancia went through a goth phase pre-canon. Abbacchio was not happy because Bruno kept referring to him as “little Abba” but he let Narancia use his good lipstick anyway.

Mista found his special hat in a street gutter on a rainy day and it matched his sweater so he decided to just keep it. Abbacchio does Trish’s makeup. They go to Sephora together. I don’t make the rules.

Giorno never really told anyone (besides Bruno) that he got his stand naturally so they all assume he got it from Polpo’s lighter and when he mentioned something off-hand about “when I was a kid Gold and I…” everyone’s just like “bitch hold up-”

Abbacchio wears coloured contacts and his ass literally cannot see without them.

Yes they are expensive as fuck. He blows half his pay-check on them every month.

One time he lost them right before a mission so he had to pull out his heavy prescription glasses from like 8th grade. They literally looked like this.

I think you can imagine the outcome

Growing up, Giorno only listened to three songs.

The only reason he had access to these songs was because he found a really old Walkman on the side of the road when he was wandering around once. The tape only had three songs on it; Dancing Queen, It's Raining Men, and some song by Mozart. These were the three songs of Giorno’s childhood.

He still has it and likes to listen to the tape when he gets sad

Narancia doesn’t know what a period is. Neither does Mista.

Bruno forces everyone into the living room after overhearing this and makes them all watch one of those really awkward sex-ed videos from the 90s (you know the ones)

It was one of the worst days of their lives

They still have the tape and Narancia sometimes slips it in the VHS player when they all least expect it just to fuck with everyone

Bruno once held a capo meeting at their house (biggest mistake of his life) and all you could heard blasting through the walls of the other room was “YoUr bOdy MiGht Be gOiNg tHrOuGh sOmE cHaNgEs, fOr eXaMpLe yOuR P-”

On that note, Giorno was definitely that one kid who took notes during Sex-Ed

Abbacchio listens to Avril Lavigne

Giorno shaves his arms. It kind of started by accident but now he literally cannot stop or else his arms will look completely fucked up

Bruno has sensitive teeth. He can’t drink water that’s too cold cause it hurts his mouth. Abbacchio makes him tea :)

Fugo plays piano to help him with his anger. He would say that he plays saxophone too, but it’s more like violently screeching into the mouthpiece instead of actually playing it.

Narancia thinks that lesbian is a nationality

Even though Giorno lived in Japan for just a couple years, he’s still pretty fluent in the language because his mother would only speak Japanese to him growing up

The gang has no idea that Giorno is Japanese and when a foreigner is struggling Giorno just swoops in with perfect Japanese and they’re all just really confused.

Giorno doesn’t cry during movies or TV shows, but he’s one of those people who fucking BAWLS during video game credits

Mista and Narancia beat Ocarina of Time together and Giorno was watching from the sidelines and AS SOON as the credits started rolling there were tears.

When KK Slider starts to sing in Animal Crossing New Horizons and your character is brought into a music void and the credits start rolling he tears up just a little bit

Mista is squeamish around dead bugs. Not live ones. Dead ones and solely dead ones

Mista and Trish go thrifting. Mista goes to check the pockets of clothes for spare cash (cause he’s a broke bitch) and Trish goes to buy clothes

Everyone thinks that Mista doesn’t change his clothes but he actually just buys like 7 of the same outfit

Mista sneezes like a white sports dad. You know the sneeze.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Bonus Bruabba shit because Jade and I always go fucking HARD when talking about our local mafia dads:

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Bruno ties up the little strings on Abbacchio’s tiddy shirt every morning.

They got promise rings. Leone’s trying to find a nice time to actually propose but the gang keeps fucking it up every time they try to go on a nice date together

Bruno and Leone watch thunderstorms together

-The rest of the bucci gang stay inside and play monopoly or something when’s its stormy but these two bring out blankets and sit on the front porch and just be all soft and shit watching the lightning light up the sky and listening to the rain on the roof above them.

Bucciarati and Abbacchio have been mistaken as the following:

Bruno as a woman and Abbacchio as a man. Abbacchio as a woman and Bruno as a man. Two lesbians. But never an actual gay couple.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Yeah so I have no idea what that was. These were taken from a google doc we have together that’s just all these jumbled, crack-filled headcanons just for fun. I’m sure you can sense the pure chaos in this.

Go give my dude @jjadegreen a hello, sis made most of these!

uhhh let us know if you want any more from any other parts. Cause y’all know we probably got some. <3

#jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #headcanons #headcanon #crack #jojo's bizzare adventure golden wind #bucci gang #bruabba

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midnightactual · 3 years

Video

youtube

One, two, one two, nah, killers don’t talk Make sure you don’t get in our way One, two, one two, my pillow don’t talk Make sure you don’t get in our way Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way

Pull up Diamond bindi shining with the bangles out Fuck pushing up in Bentley trucks Only G6, bitch, you know them wheels is up (Uh) Praise to my maker, got that Hindu guap Only rings from a pharaoh, better be King Tut Gully Gang in the sling, fucker test your luck When the last time you seen a Hindustani stunt? Third world shit for real From the East End, never be shit if you sleep Bitch resilient ’cause I break bread with a billion Respect for my bloodline, the deceased Send my Benjis over to Gandhi, and now we feast King that, bring the crown back with the jewels Yeah, you took that, but it’s the get back, it’s a mood Bitch, I chin-check, every syllable for the street Yeah, the world blind but my third eye see the heat (Rrrah)

One, two, one two, nah, killers don’t talk Make sure you don't get in our way One, two, one two, my pillow don’t talk Make sure you don't get in our way Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way (Uh, make sure you don’t) Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way (Yeah, uh, make sure you don’t)

Crushed flax seeds in the green tea, life infinity Breathe so much intensity ’til my nose bleed I3 when she look at me, two versus three Shiva, bitch, I never sleep, I’m a trinity Smoke rings, sticky-icky ting, that Manali cream Bomb with the native tongue, got that California heat Of course he wanna eat me, sweet as lychee But he ain’t never caught a headshot from a genie

Like Coogi be on “Juicy,” on that Biggie beat Shook when they see a deity, we be army deep Young Gods run with Kumaris, new monarchy You could never live a day they see, thug odyssey

(Rrrah, check ’em out) One, two, one two, nah, killers don’t talk Make sure you don’t get in our way One, two, one two, my pillow don’t talk Make sure you don’t get in our way Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way (Make sure you don’t) Get in our way, make sure you don’t get in our way (Make sure you don't)

Like Coogi be on “Juicy,” on that Biggie beat Shook when they see a deity, we be army deep Like Coogi be on “Juicy,” on that Biggie beat Shook when they see a deity, we be army deep

#Out Of Character #Music #Muse Aesthetic #[ Soul Society Theme ]#[ the BDU plus sari look tho ]

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wolfbanejax · 4 years

Text

yooooooo, lads. it’s taken me way too long to do this intro rfkjwerbgkejg, work really do be like that sometimes. but anyway, for those that aren’t familiar with me, i’m admin g, your 21 y/o mess of a gay, who quietly rages about everything! this is my newest muse, jaxon, a v scary werewolf, trust me. below the cut you’ll find a little break down of his bio, and whatever else i can think of.

so ya boi started out with a family. you know, the normal stuff. a loving, wholesome, nuclear family.

sike.

nah this kid has always been an orphan because his birth parents were all like “this bitch a kid, YEET”

>.>

anyway, they shoved him into the system, and he got passed between families because he was a little too hyper for some of them

like bouncing off the walls, drooling on your shopping list hyper

so all his foster parents were all like “jaxon istg i’ll do a slap if you carry on” and jaxon was all “fckn do it, you’re not my real parents”

so they’d give him the slap and he’d end up like bruce wayne again

minus the batman part

but like, this kid was obsessed with technology

if he could fuck a computer without breaking it, he probably would

or would he? :o nah even the word sex scares him so keep your nake away pls

anyway, bois obsessed with technology, we’ve established, mainly computers

he turn into one of those “we’re in” hackers, with the shades and creepy grin and everything

so it became an outlet. outlet, do you get it? technology. outlet.

anyway, you’d be hard pressed to find himself without his nose stuck in at least a phone tbh

however :o he still yeeted himself out of the system at the age of 17, because he was tired of it all

like, imagine this kid running away from his new foster parents, laptop in hand or something stupid like that, to roman holiday by nicki minaj

basically the inspiration behind this muse i’m ngl

so ya boi was back to living on The Streets

until The Streets had other plans

a group of kids came along and decided they were gonna beat the shit out of him

no biggie

just imagine it with roman holiday again :)

they wouldn’t let up for a while because, apparently, he wasn’t bloody enough

they say, as if he isn’t fckn red

until, you know, here comes the cavalry

a pack of wolves decided they wanted dinner, and tore the group of kids apart. meanwhile jaxon’s just laying there like “how do you know what’s good for me”

and the head of the pack is like “that’s my OPINION”

so the pack of wolves adopt jaxon with the understanding that they’re going to turn him into a smol dog

i mean wolf

but he’s all like D:

he doesn’t matter what he was like tbh, he fckn got down on all fours for it either way

and here we be, he joined a gang because he wanted his coping mechanism back, by being a hacker, and he wanted purpose in life

the end.

#intro #bois hmu if you wanna plot #i know this intro is an actual mess but i can do no better

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wuffzilla · 4 years

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Happy 2020!!!

My 1st dream of the New Year involved me tracking down a gang that kidnapped and ate little girls then turning into a werewolf and slaughtering every one of them! It had parts that I found funny + creepy + VERY COOL + interesting, so I feel like saving it here where I can find it again.

I was searching for a missing roommate with several Dream NPCs, who were also my roommates. A girl who was either... in high school or college... or grade school? IDK the dream was kinda vague about her age????? BUT she looked really super young, like a grade schooler. She was also kind of a snooty bitch, super vain and proud of her looks and all her talent/smarts/pageant trophies. But abandoning someone to a unknown fate just cause theyre an asshole wasnt the kind of karma we wanted against her.

The area we were in, a college town I think, had been having trouble with grade school age girls going missing. So my Dream roomies and I just KNEW this chick had gotten taken by the same people. AND WE WERE RIGHT!! Somehow we found out that there was a local Mafia type gang who kidnapped lil girls and cooked them to eat?? Like into bacon and jerky and such???

Now that Im awake I think it was inspired by that Lion Yakuza gang in Beastars! (SPOILERS?) Their reasoning was even similar, something along the lines of being gourmets and only eating the most tender and perfect of meats. But these Dream guys where just a buncha humans.

Their Front was that they operated a farm where they raised, butchered, & sold sheep meat. It was very well known locally and praised for its high quality products at affordable prices. NPCs and I even saw a commercial for it on DreamTV, I think thats what made us realize where that girl was? SOMEHOW?? But the sheep were about the same size as the girls that went missing so they had all the equipment they needed to hide bodies of that size.

ANYWAY half of us went to the cops, the other half snuck onto the property to do reconnaissance work. While spying, we ran into my mom and several of my aunts who were also there for the same purpose!!! Apparently they were in a group that had been trying to find the ones responsible for the missing girls for ages and had just now narrowed it down to these guys!!!

So now theres this huge group of people hiding behind a rickety old fence, and somehow none of the workers notice us. They were too focused on work I guess? BUT THEN WE ALL SAW SOMETHING idk what THAT PROVED WE WERE RIGHT!!! And everyone but me whipped out their phones to take vids/pics for evidence and contact the authorities to GTF over here!

I was the only one who didnt take out my phone because I turned into a Werewolf and went BALLISTIC on all those bastards. Just fucking smashing through walls of the warehouse and ripping everyone in my path to BLOODY SHREDS!!!! The morons didnt even try to escape, they just kept trying more and more ways to stop me, that all failed.

Guns didnt hurt me, nor machetes, nor bombs. One guy threw a dog toy that DID admittedly distract me for a minute, Im ashamed to say. Bouncing squeaky balls are apparently my one weakness as a berserk monstrosity???? But when I realized what had happened I immediately turned on the dude and ripped his entire face and chest off.

Off in the distance I could tell that Dream Roomies, Mom n Aunts, & Cops were doing what they needed to do to get the surviving girls to safety. And they just let me continue mangling all the gang members. Apparently no one cares when kidnapping cannibals meet a painful and terrifying end? I think they had enough evidence to show this was justified too.

But it was still kinda funny cause they were ofc very seriously worried about checking the girls to see what help they needed, and it showed on their faces. But theyd glance my way to watch me literally bite someones head off, and be like huh ok no biggie with a casual expression, and turn back to the girls and immediately look worried as hell.

#Happy New Year #WereTaffy #Long Post #Taffy Dreams

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daisydragonart · 5 years

Text

SWTOR RANT MOMENT

SO! I do not like Warzones. I do not like PVP. I don’t like them because of the people, typically Veterans of the SWTOR game, are jerkwards to people like me (semi-veterans) Who can play through a flashpoint or base game, expansions, ECT ECT (with no problem)... But have never touched Warzones or PVP. I’m currently playing my baby Casimer (a human, male Bounty Hunter) through Kotfe and Kotet and to the later parts of the game. However, I made a secret promise to myself to get as many of the companion alerts as I could. That includes Pierce... Who makes you do Unranked Warzones to earn influence over him. Great. So I bite the bullet, I decided that, yes, I would do Unranked Warzones, and I would get Pierce.

I’m playing through my first Warzone, and I’m not doing too bad (at least I don’t think so... I have no clue what I’m doing) and we lost at being attackers. I’m not butthurt, I expected to lose... Like always. So my team became the defenders. This is when I was reminded of why I never touched Warzones.

I die at some point, no biggie, and I accidentally jump on the opposite side of my teammates. Okay, no big deal, they probably knew since they could see me on the map. And in doing so, I decide to guard the door on the other side. It's going great until not only do I get ganged up on by 3-5 other players, but I get stunned and am concentrating so hard on not dying, and not letting them win, I don’t go to chat.

Granted I never really use the chats, I’m a very quiet team player until I feel the need to speak up or simply am playing with my friends. With strangers, I never speak. However, I do feel the need to point out that NO ONE WAS TALKING IN THE CHAT. I’m a people/chat watcher, I like to see what is being said around me so I have a better understanding of whats going on. NO ONE WAS TALKING.

That is, until this... *ahem* lovely individual decided to target me.

I have screenshots of what the person said, I won’t post them because I have not blocked out the person's character name, nor will I. If you’re like me and you avoid PVP but are trying to get Pierce and want to avoid this person, hit me up and we can talk.

I will quote this person, however. I managed after the other team got through the door and I was chasing them, since I did not die (somehow), to see that someone had spoken in the chat. “couldn’t call out because of the stun?”

I’m thinking... That's a fairly reasonable thing to say, so I moved to respond since I had died at that point and had respawned at the starting point. But before I even started typing, another response from this person showed up in chat. “or too stupid to call?”

Now, I’m very, very, very annoyed. No, I’m not too stupid to call for help. I’m just a wee bit busy trying to NOT DIE to meander over to the chat and go: “please sirs and ma’ams, I would like some assistance on this side of the room pretty please.”

It shouldn't matter, as a team, you should have already been trying to come and help, regardless of whether I asked for help or not. I WAS ALONE.

So instead of responding, I elected to ignore the chat and just keep fighting until the Warzone was over, which was when I noticed the last thing this person said. “take it as too stupid to call and unable to read on top”

This is when my temper flared. Thanks for the assumptions, my dear, but remember, when you assume something, you make an ass out of you and me... But mostly yourself. I didn’t write this rant to intentionally be a bitch or anything like that but to just show the rudeness of some people and how it affects other players in a game. I have never played PVP and this jackwad, instead of just assuming that I’m a newbie and trying to help, just tried to play me off as stupid for not knowing how things worked. If I’m doing something wrong, instead of telling me how stupid I am or insinuating I’m stupid, try to explain what's up and talk to me. You can’t win by insulting your teammates, you have to be willing to help them so you can win.

Rant over. Thanks for reading!

#SWTOR #SWTOR Rant #PVP annoys me #I do not like PVP #Euuugh

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philipsrose-blog · 4 years

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Crazy 8 (Part 2)

When you reach the point where you slam the crazy fucking 8 life gets dark in a real hurry. It's like everything and one become subjects and suspects of insanity, mind fucking at its best.

Christian and I seemed to hit it off pretty good. We both slammed right away and got busy. I remember he couldn't fucking believe that I could slam a fucking crazy 8 and he wanted to try it but I made him wait, promising that I would admin him a ball that night or the next morning. What a fucking nightmare of a mother fucker that turned out to be. But we had some really great fun too.

It was Christian that worked that first colossal toy into me. But first I finally got to fist someone and it was beyond kinky amazing. God! when I was elbow deep and I twisted my arm he clamped up around me and we both shot all over the place.

But that night when I kept my promise he got totally psycho and I had to summon Philip to remove the problem and smash his equipment. I mean, there were pieces of it flying all over the fucking place. And you know, I actually felt bad for him until I found an ounce of Philip's private stock in his hoody. I mean, oh my God! That's fucking ghetto. You're invited over to party with an endless supply and you try to steal the host's private stock? Who the fuck does that? Needless to say, he was no longer a member of the grand Slammerz gang.

Now, there was a guy Philip had chatted on line witb. Joe Conway. Philip texts me that he had paid one of his best customers, this Joe Conway is outside and that I should just unlock the door and let him in because he wanted to party with me. I was so fucking sure it was gonna be some fat bastard, like Red. So I got dressed and started watching porn on my computer, ignoring the fat fuck. But then I looked up and the fucking Leo Biggie the twink fucking porn God was in our fucking living room. I could not believe is and quickly clicked on one of his videos I had downloaded. And oh my fucking God it was him.

When I jumped up to go in the living room he was standing there watching me with his classic grin.

A few minutes later he was admining me a huge slam. I have to tell you, that guy fucked me like I ain't never been fucked before. He showed me positions that my Philip and I would enjoy for a long time. He understood what no one else could when I opened up to him. And when Philip finally arrived it was one of the few times we had an actual threesome in our own bed.

To this day Leo Biggie and I still speak at least once a week. He turned out to be a friend that I could reach out to under the worst of circumstances, just to vent to.

But looking back the memories sometimes hurt. Philip and I began to argue. We were drifting apart.

I was going through almost 2 ounces a week between myself and my hookups and Philip was worried. I was out of fucking control. My mental health was in ruins and I was down to 129 pounds. I was dying right in front of him and it was killing him. The breaking point came when I was slamming 8 balls 3 times a day.. I had been awake for 11 days.

Lying on the bed expecting a slam I suddenly felt tired. "I just gave you 2 milagrams of adivan." Jesus fucking Christ! He had called my mother who in turn called the paramedics.Then suddenly I was asleep. And when I woke up 4 days later Philip was there with the nurse in the hospital holding me. He had cleaned me as I went to the bathroom in my sleep and had even awakened me to hydrate and feed me. I had no recollection of it at all. But I could see how worried he was. Then he asked me the unimaginable. "Will you marry me?" I was in total shock and I was screaming yes in my heart. But I knew I was using way too much to make a presentable bride for my Philip. He said he really wanted me to cut back. So, I agreed to slow down.

I still slammed it by the ball. But I cut back from every day to 3 times a week. And I did because, as they say, nothing lasts forever. But that didn't last for long because, again, as they say, nothing fucking lasts forever.

There was this one stray that I invited over, Sippie. He was another one that I hit it off with. And surprisingly he had no desire to do a crazy 8 with me. "Hell no! That would kill my pretty ass!" God I was glad to hear that. Finally someone who had a little common sense. Not that I didn't have any.

But after a while Sippie asked me if I could rinse off in the shower. It was so fucking embarrassing. I jumped up and headed straight in, not even letting the water get warm. Then, a few minutes later I heard it, the front door closing. I knew he'd left and I just rinsed off and dried myself off. But then, when I got out of the fucking bathroom I couldn't believe it. Philip's bottom draw was a little open and the brick he was selling that night was fucking gone. Immediately I jumped on the computer and shot a message to Sippie warning him who's product he had stolen.

"Yeah right! You're insane! What fucking guy would fuck your ugly ass, you nasty mother fucker!" His words wounded my soul. They cut deep like a fucking knife. And when I got up and looked at myself in the mirror,I knew it was the truth.

I ended up having to summon Philip and let him know exactly what had happened. He kept telling not to cry about it. He would find the guy and get his shit back. But then I told him that I wasn't gonna marry him and that I knew I was too ugly and way too fat for him and I hung up the phone and threw myself on the bed to have one of those epic cries that you never forget and soon after I fell asleep.

"Babe, what the fuck is happening? Don't you know what you mean to me?" I rolled over to see Philip. His eyes were beet red and his face was soaked with tears. But I was already convinced. I rolled over and told him what Sippie had told me and suddenly he was gone.

A few hours later he was back, looking as if something happened. But, most importantly, he was holding the fucking brick. "I wanna show you something." He held his cell phone in front of me and began playing a video. It was Sippie and Philip. A third person was holding the camera. Sippie was sitting on one of those redwood picnic benches in a wooded area with fucking duct tape over eyes. My Philip was standing in front of him in his underwear with an aluminum bat in his right hand.

"That's my fiance! Who the fuck do you think you are? I happen to love him and now he doesn't wanna marry me!"

Suddenly,the bat came crashing down on Sippie's head and he fell backwards letting out this blood curdling scream. And when Philip jumped over the fucking bench and hit him again he screamed again. Then, after like a minute of hitting Sippie with the bat the voice from behind the camera says "Uh. Bro you can stop. He's dead." And Philip turned to his right, looked at the camera, put the bloody bat on his shoulder and smiled.

My life is over. I fucking know it. Based on what events take place today tomorrow night not cone. I'm not going to appear in court on October 9th. I'm going to let Iv

an win. The son of a bitch beat me, my only crime being that I loved him and he never loved me. In the end you'll ass know what plays out. I'm no longer the only one involved on my end.

Oh my God you look great! I've never seen this side of you. "Well, I'm afraid to let people see me like this." But , what's wrong? Why are you crying? " I Burst out uncontrollably and he wrapped his arms around me? "Rose, where's Sally Pickles? What happened to Sally Pickles? " My knees buckled and he helped me to a bench.

Sitting there in High Bridge Park, I poured out my pain and he listened and wiped my tears away. And then he laid my head in his lap and I fell asleep.

Can you walk on the outside please as we walked along the trail. I'm safe when you're with me, like when you walk the outside I know you care. The other guy didn't care. Yeah, that fuckin guy kept saying, "Hey, I have no problem doing this for you. And any time you wanna come over and earn some of this I'd love to have ya. His name was Stephen and he was beautiful.

We had met at a Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting. A kind friend who can sometimes be incredibly tough, but with a kind heart had bought him there. From the beginning we were very attracted to each other.

We ended up sharing the night, an amazing night.

When I began to sob again he darted behind me and covered my eyes with his beautiful hands. "Trust me" he whispered in my ear and kissed it softy. Then he stopped me and turned me to my right. Telling me, "I want you to find strength and hope in this. Open your eyes."

It was fucking amazing! We were standing in the middle of High Bridge looking at the Manhattan skyline, lit up in all its glory. Nothing any person has ever done has meant so much to me!

And I won't lie and say that we we went back to his apartment to make love. Plain and simple, we went there to fuck, to fuck hard! And I have to say, It was the best sex I had had in fucking years! He slammed a gram and then slammed me a gram. "Surprise!" Oh my! It was a crazy fucking 8!

With every thrust waves of insanity and pleasure poured over me to the point where it was almost frightening! And I put on quite the show for him!

A week later the bitch, Tina, she took him. She's taking everything and everyone from me. I'm in fucking ruins!

My life is over. I fucking know it. Based on what events take place today, tomorrow I'm not going to appear in court I'm going to let Ivan win.

The son of a bitch beat me, my only crime being that I loved him and forbade him from knowing the bitch, Tina. But he never loved and left me that he might be with her, the bitch, Tina. In the end you'll know what plays out. I'm no longer the only one involved on my end.

It's almost queer how those that Ivan loathed, especially the social worker from The Door now run his life. Of a truth, I honestly believe that mother fucker was the same guy Ivan told me he made movies having sex with under aged boys with!

It's as though enemies, demons of the bitch, Tina, are working behind sober side of reality to pull me closer to her, closer to my end, closer to my Philip. It's all a clear blur in the night.

I'm the pitch, Ivan is Philip and he Ivan. All has become Ivan and I have become consumed to the point of my end in him.

I loved him and he took my life.

I have always been more of a believer in Old Testament rather than new.

With that in mind I may murder a man who seems to have disappeared with my shit, today, the shit I was going to use to fucking kill myself to escape this fucking torture!

This clueless dick head better come up with my shit or he is going to catch a beating today. I swear to mother fucking God I will hurt this mother fucker. I can't take this fucking pain Terry. Please come through with my shit! You mother fucker! Even my own fucking mother is not trying to stop me!

I have a mother unlike any mother ever to walk the earth. Knowing how I suffer she has agreed to let me go, the absolutely fucking hardest sacrifice a mother can make. Thus it should be known; For she loves me so that she has taken on the insufferable, that I might find peace in the sky with my Philip, his final words to me penned when we are together again we will dance across the sky with the clouds beneath our feet.

I don't really want to fucking die. But by the time this is read it may be in the best interests of many, rather than my personal need to be gone. "The needs of the many outweighing the need of this one." And don't think me very fucking noble about that! I have never had the fucking stomach for the violence that I know that I'm fucking capable of. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ I know how to build bombs, PIES so well you would be looking at them swearing they're not real.

But I have only one thing left in this life, my word. I took an oath on August 29th, 2002, never to use the tools this government taught me against this country. And for four reasons I will not break the oath 1, though he may hate me, an oath is before God, almighty, 2, my mother, 3, my dad, 4, I just don't have it in me to hurt people.

In closing this chapter:

My dearest Ivan

I truly and unconditionally love you and I am sorry that you could not love me. I take full responsibility for that.

I want you to know that what I enjoyed most about being your wife was serving you breakfast in bed and your love for blueberry pancakes. I wish I would have made them for you every fucking day.

I'm not sure if Philip will be waiting for me. If he is not I will wait for you and serve you breakfast in bed for all eternity if you want.

I never meant for you to be hurt. But the morning you answered your phone and said "Fuck off sicko" I knew you had found someone else and I began to die again, just as I did the day I watched you walk away from our meeting with Gustavo.

I knew in my heart you had given up on our love. I knew I would die that night and I did. For 2 minutes and 11 seconds I had peace away from the worst pain I have ever had to endure.

When they revived me the trauma doctor told me to find something more than what I was hurting over to fight for. I fought to stay alive for you because the moment you looked in my eyes at the alter I knew that I could never love anyone other than you again.

I knew you had given up on our love. But less than a week ago I found out that you never actually loved me.

Miss Gomez told me. She told me how the day you spoke with her and her supervisor privately you told them that you didn't love me and only needed benefits. She told me how you asked if you could get benefits on your own when you leave me.

You never planned on staying. But I still love and forgive you. And I want you to know something that may teach you a lesson in compassion and forgiveness. Sally Pickles has been stolen.

Because you could not turn the other cheek and have mercy on me the way I did when you showed up at my shelter I got arrested and the church where Tony used to work stole my Sally Pickles!

This is why I am taking my life. She was the only light left in my word but now she is gone, the light is gone, my hope is gone.

I want to let you know that I treated myself to a trip to The West Side Club and that I was so sad to hear that fored been there and that you were so high they almost had to dial 911

Please Ivan! I love you! Get help! Oh my God,I van! Don't be me! Don't become me!

In closing, thank you for the time we had. I shall remain faithful to only you.

I am and shall forever be your Rose

It's hard when you love someone and wanna fucking spend eternity with them as loathing mother fuckers do any and every God fucking dammed thing they can to ruin what they wish they had! At times realty can be just as evil of a mother fucker!

Lying there alone I begged God to find a way, And then, after a night of doubt, my Philip spoke

Do I wanna be with you forever? No one yes. I mean, you're slamming 8 balls all day and it scares me. It scares the fucking shit outta me. I've never seen any shit like this! You're driving me deeper behind the mask.

You know you're my Rose Petals and I love you and yes I wanna be you. But I need you to prove that I'm not your party ticket."

To prove his point in an almost cruel way, Philip his himself from me that afternoon. He left no note. He did not say goodbye. He left only 1 brick and then he was just gone.

Dear Vincent.

There comes a time in every woman's life when she must act for herself.

Joey has ruined out little family so I am taking your sister, Nina and abandoning you guys. I know you will go on to college and be fine. And I hope your father finally figures out what to do with your brother.

I have left you your bank book so you have a little nest egg

Love always your mom.

I was the one who found the note.

3 years later my boyfriend Brian took his life without saying goodbye.

5 years after that my boyfriend Stephen was shot in the head and killed. I never got to say goodbye.

15 years later my boyfriend John moved out while I was at work, never saying goodbye.

My dad was murdered by my stepmother years later. There was no goodbye.

Now Philip is gone, taken away from me .

After that I began slamming a even more crazy 8s a day.But then the eviction notice came. So I moved back to New York City.

Philip and I rekindled our love in September of 2018. And he actually asked me to marry him. But I said no, afraid of losing him and knowing that pain again. But eventually I said yes, on February 14th of 2019. But he took his life after learning that he had been indicted on February 19th.

Now I have lost Ivan and Sally Pickles. It's just too fucking much. I can't take this fucking pain.

My plan was to do a suicide slam this past Monday night. But this dirt bag mother fucking Terry stole my shit. So now I will have to rob a fucking bank so I can carry out my plan.

My friends are all telling me that has God hasn't turned his fucking back on me. Are they fucking blind?

I will keep writhing and may even film my suicide slam. It'll be an amazing show. I put on quite the show. Or at least I hope I still can.

If not I hope to at least make it interesting enough to captivate at least a few. I mean, hey, I used to put on a good show, quite a show!

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justtwilightshitposts-blog · 5 years

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So I got high as fuck and watched Twilight for the first time in 6 years and made a list of the thoughts running through my head. Anyways it’s under the cut, enjoy lol

Dramatic entry....

I don’t understand what she’s saying

Oh my god look at her stupid fucking cactus it’s so small and dumb

Why does she sound so miserable

Charlie her hair?? Really??

How is their house so big with one fucking bathroom

Charlie really had someone else decorate her room omg

Why is he such a good fucking dad. I want to cry

“Still dancin”..... aight, billy

Jacob looks so fucking angsty

She’s so excited about this huge ugly piece of shit truck how is she straight

Did it ever get explained in the series where the fuck Jacob goes to school

“Nice ride” ahah SOOOO FUNNY

I don’t remember his name but why is he such a try hard

*Ball comes at Bella* bella: fUCK

Jessica: stay the FUCK away from my man

Jessica you weird

Mike stop

Who tf is that dude omg he just took his fucking chair

“FEATURES DEAD, ANGELA”

Oh my god Jess when she says eating disorders aakkskakdn

This background music does not fit the characters

Yeah they live together omg

How convenient. A family full of people who fuck each other except ONE

HIS FUCKING STARE

Why they got a fan in the classroom

No introduction to the new kid? Unrealistic. Blocked.

Stop staring at each other what the shit bruh

Just jump tf out the classroom damn

Edward trying to slam the door omggg

How she gonna know you Santa when you dressed normal, tf

Just grab the ketchup

Jesus Christ just talk to each other

Goodbye cell phone then

Day one and you’re doing homework ok

Why is Edward so fucking cringey

He couldn’t handle it so he just stayed home fucking pussy

They just straight up threw a fucking rock at her

Things were getting strange AFTER he stops going to school hmmmmm?

Seriously their house is good sized

This bitch just fucking ate shit what a clumsy gay

“You’re not in Phoenix anymore”

“I need your playlist”

Why is EVERYONE hitting on Bella. She doesn’t even look straight

“Hello” bruuhhhh

His voice, TF

What is the golden onion

Why does he talk like... that

Bonding over science. Haha. Get it. Bonding

“How’s the weather”

Cold n wet. Cool

He laughin. Lmao

Aw his smile

I feel so awkward watching this conversation

Why doesn’t this bitch just sit tf still Jesus Christ

“Wait hOLD UP why didn’t you go with your mom and Phil just curious haha I’m just trying to analyze you no biggie”

The fluorescents. Walks away. ????

How tf did this mf even manage to almost crash like what. How did it even happen

He out this mf

Everyone just like. Sat there for so long not doing anything??? Then BAM OMG BELLA ALSKAJNCKDO”

Carlisle is so fucking white Jesus

Did she never notice his eyes are the same color as Edwards

Fuckin snitch omg Carlisle is not happy

“Hey ex wife our daughter almost died lol call me back”

They are really just arguing in the middle of the hospital tf?

I was standing right next to you....

why does he look like that

Rude ass tf?

Edgy moon

Tf she dreaming about

Wait so like he didn’t even start out with anything low key he just straight up fucking watched her sleep after knowing her a week

God why does he look like that. All the time

Poor mike oh my god

She’s lived here a week how does she already have plans conveniently the night of prom. Get a better excuse Bella

Recycled tea

Why is he so fucking creepy “what’s in Jacksonville” mf HOW you know

Rude ass again what the shit

Why would Bella care if you go to prom with mike, Jessica

“We shouldn’t be friends” no one said you were???

“Our bus is full” 💀

Call your fucking mother you asshole

Charlie don’t talk about Phil

She just walks tf out lmaoooo

How did anyone NEVER say anything about them NEVER eating lunch

La PUSH

He just bounced a fuckin apple

Stop being so cryptic what the fuck

“Let’s say for arguments sake that I’m not smart” bitch me too the fuck

“What if I’m... the villain” shut up you fucking emo oh my god

Come to the beach lol

This is all so awkward

Why did they like hardly ever show Angela

“You’re a strong independent woman” how do people think she’s straight

“The Cullen’s don’t come here” so fucking dramatic

“Yeah yeah whatever enough of you, what about the CULLENS”

Wait. How long have the Cullen’s been around? How long ago was the treaty made???

This music is so fucking dramatic

Oh no it’s Santa....

These bitches gay as fuck too James looks so fucking gay

How is it the entire time she’s trying to figure out the Cullen’s not ONCE does she question the quilietes being descended from FUCKING WOLVES

All these prom dresses boring as fuck

Like what the fuck even is that material

Jess is fucking... phat

“Sorry I don’t do prom dresses I just like really wanna go to this bookstore”

I don’t even want to know what would have happened if Edward didn’t come get her from these creeps...

She legit is about to get gang raped and like. No one ever said anything about this guys what the fuck

Why does Edward look like a fucking crack addict

“Sorry I just REALLY wanna murder these guys”

You should put YOUR seat belt on

“Yeah were gonna do everything that consists of a date but it’s not a date ok?”

No way that tiny bitch is gonna eat that whole ass plate

I’m gonna make sure YOU eat but I won’t alright?

Fucking math nerd

How DID he know she was there???

“I feel very protective of you even though I’ve known you for like less than a month”

He can read minds it’s no biggie

“Cat” bitch me too!!!

I can’t read YOUR mind tho sorry

Wait so why are certain vampires given gifts?

I don’t wanna stay away from you anymore lol

Ooooo our dads are here

“Animal attack” *GLARE*

“Idk what to say I’m so sorry”

Charlie STOP MY HEART IS FUCKING BREAKING

Animals are attacking and you give her pepper spray?

Why tf did they roll his whole ass body out in plain view why the hell was he not in a body bag!!!!

“Oh OKAY everything is starting to come together”

What is this dramatic dream where he’s all emo drinking her blood what the fuck is happening

“Follow me into the woods just trust me”

I don’t find it believable that he speaks like he’s from a different time. His dialect would change with time. Imagine him in 2018 fuckin yeet this and dab that lmaoooo

Why when he runs his legs move and nothing else

How fast are they even going

Diamonds are a girls best friend. And vampires.

“I’m a killer” on cool aha I’m just chillin alone in the woods with u haha no biggie

Why are you being so dramatic Edward

He just yeeted that fucking rock lol

“I’ve never wanted to kill anyone until you”

You’re my drug....

his voice is cracking me tf up

“I’m not afraid of you I’m afraid of losing you” you fucking emo

I want to die

I zoned out an all I heard was “sick masochistic lion” .... alright

Let’s just lay in the grass in the middle of the fucking woods it’ll be cute!!!

Do they just. Stare at each other and not talk...

Why do they use sound effects for his skin lmao

“My crush is a vampire lol ❤️”

What’s Monte Carlo

Everyone is staring lmaoooo

The siblings are not happy lmao

Why would you turn someone into a vampire like there is no logical reason to be like “you’re dying so I’m gonna make you live FOREVER”

They’re just chillin in the rain lmao

Literally tho like being a vampire would be pointless and fucking torture Jesus Christ why would you force that on a dying person

“Wanna meet the fam lol jk u have no choice”

The fucking stare down between Edward and Jacobs dad I’m fucking deceased

“Just keepin it real, son” broooo

Does anyone remember at one point in this series Edward and Jacob just fucking switched Bella off like what the shit was that was I just hallucinating

They cooked for her :(

How long has it been since they cooked

Esme is my soul mate

We NEVER use the kitchen

Jesus CHRIST Rosalie chill the FUCK out

Calm down you FUCKING drama queen

Please don’t kill me lol

Alice you Sapphic ass coming in on a fuckin tree branch

“Bella and I are gonna become great friends” does... does she KNOW. You know bc she can see the future

Alice is so cheery oh god

I too would be dramatic enough to frame all of my several graduation caps

I don’t... sleep

Like he doesn’t even need a chair like their legs never get tired. If they wanted to they could just stand every second of every day

Edward it is the 21st century catch up on the tunes, man

The face she made when he twirled her lmaooo

“I’ll MAKE you dance” .... alright

Why did they like. Move midair

This tree jumping shit just does not look scientifically accurate

“This kind of stuff just doesn’t exist” ... the woods?

Let’s sit in a fucking tree and just talk forever

I wonder who wrote the song Edward wrote. It’s actually... good???

Why is the footprint on top of this fucking mound of dirt lol

Hey hey you You I don’t like your boyfriend

I would kill for Charlie

No one like ACTUALLY questions why a HUMAN foot print is found in the murder scene

“Go SOCIALIZE”

He just fucking comes out of nowhere fuck

How much time does this movie take the course over “only the last couple months” ????

“There’s always something I wanted to try” *kisses bella* you gonna tell me you’re 100+ years old and a virgin???????

This kissing scene must have been so awkward

He just fucking. Zooms back into the wall

Does Charlie not hear any of this???

Edward. She needs to sleep bro

I’m sorry but if my partner never slept I would never sleep with them like don’t fucking watch me sleep the shit???

He just fucking loves his gun

What is he doing over his head ??

We’re just gonna play a family game of baseball lol

Charlie cares so much :(

Charlie doesn’t even question that they’re going to play baseball in a thunderstorm

The baseball scene is in my top iconic scenes in cinematic history

Why do they keep the field so small if they hit the ball so far ???

Emmet my fuckboy baby

When emmet and Edward collide. Iconic.

These gay ass Mfers and their dramatic entrances

Why is putting her hair up going to help. It’s not her hair they smell it’s her blood? Right??

Vampires just go around claiming territory??

All around America??

James knows

Why do they hiss....

The fucking Cullen clan all just bend their knees and hiss like what the shit

“I can buckle MYSELF Edward”

This all went 0-100 real quick

Edward step up your acting game. Monotone ass mf

Charlie is so fucking confused

What even is she grabbing

Ok but Charlie’s so supportive of her and like all he cares about is her being safe oh my god

And he never knows that she didn’t mean any of what she said :((((((

That would fucking kill me oh my god poor Charlie

When they land on her truck... where are they coming FROM...

“Her kind” ... gingers?

Rosalie has a point...

Laurent was just a third wheel

Why do they drive so fast

How the hell was Bella even going to explain this to her mom??? What was her plan.

James.... Jesus your fucking face...

How did he get into the high school

You fucking dumbass you just gonna. Fight a fucking vampire? What is her plan? Fight him? Show up and take her mom and get out???

Also how did she even sneak past Alice and jasper

Wait how did he get this video

You dumb as shit bitch!!!

You can’t fight a vampire the fuck!!!

Why is the part where James shoved Edward against the mirror so sexually tense

This whole fucking ballet studio scene is just too dramatic

Why is she convulsing tho. Is that how it is when you turn into a vampire??? You fucking have a seizure???

Alice fucking SNAPPED

This whole series could have ended right here if they just let her fucking change into a vampire right then and there

Shut the fuck up and suck, Edward

Why her face look like.... that

Carlisle just PUSH HIM

Why are the tubes like ON her eyeballs

Edward sleeping... ha

The whole falling down the stairs bullshit story is so fucking ridiculous lmaoooo

“You’re texting” this movie is so old

Which leg is broken???

I almost killed you lol sorry. Also get the fuck out of Forks

Bella: *insert lady from lipstick in valentino bag vine*

Ok so her right leg is in the cast but in the hospital she was chillin in the bed with her right leg bent?

Jacob where did you come from lmao

“My dad paid me to come talk to you”

“Also you need to break up with your boyfriend”

The instant tension between Edward and Jacob and Bella is so fucking oblivious

“The wolves descend” REALLY EDWARD

Was their senior prom ever mentioned in the series???

She’s so fucking short omg

This music: A++

No seriously what is with everyone’s dresses being so ugly

“I want you always” bitch you just met like 2 months ago???

Bella is so desperate for the dick that she wants to become a fucking vampire

She actually thought he was gonna bite her at prom lmao????

They kiss so awkwardly

Victoria looks so jealous

And hot

Where is she going

Oh it’s over ok cool gn

#my post #twilight #bella swan #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #emmet cullen #jasper cullen #alice cullen #twilight saga #humor

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itsyaboykay · 6 years

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Review for The Savior’s Champion (spoiler alert: I gave it a 2/5)

Let me preface this with a disclaimer: I do not hate the author, Jenna Moreci, by any means. I watched a lot of her channel and felt she gave some very valid writing tips and so I was excited to read her book. So everything here I have to say is my own opinion not just as an aspiring writer but as someone who's loved books for much of my life. Also, this is a very spoiler heavy review so if you wish to remain unspoiled, please turn away now. (And a warning for the use of the “C” word.) With that, I have some thoughts to convey....

When I heard the hype surrounding this book and heard the premise of the story itself, I was very excited and ready to save up the cash to buy the book. Since I had a chance to rent it from a library, however, I decided to do that first so that I could at least get to know the story before shelling out the money and honestly... I'm very glad I rented the book before buying it.

This book is honestly such a disappointment compared to the rave reviews I kept seeing people give out on YouTube. First, I'll categorize my thoughts out into the Characters, the Writing, the Plot/World and other miscelaneous issues that I found while reading.

The Characters:

In my opinion, all of the characters felt very two-dimensional 90% of the time. There were just one or two traits given to each character and every single thing they did revolved around that trait. For example: there was a character called the Jester because he was always joking and funny and that's all there was to him. He was constantly cracking jokes. Though, to be fair he did die off pretty early on in the story. Another good example, however, would be Niel who was very fratboy-ish and perverted. That's all there was to him was constantly saying something lewd until it got him shoved down a hole when he grabbed Leila's ass one too many times. There's also just so little given about them or their story or what little personality a lot of the characters have before they're killed off. So a lot of the time their death just had absolutely no impact to me since I only just learned that this dude's wife died giving birth to their son ten pages ago.

Another thing about the characters is that when it came to the competetors in the Sovereign's Tournament, most of them were very difficult to keep track of and I found myself having to watch the videos on the author's channel covering the characters at least three times over the three days it took me to read this book. Without it, I'd have been a lot more lost than I was and I feel that had the competetors have been referred to as either solely their Laurel (a title given to them at the start of the Tournament) or their given name, it would have made things a lot easier.

On to individual characters themselves. Concerning Tobias, I felt him to be very high and mighty a lot of times. He looked down on his own best friend for wanting to enter the Tournament and looked down on people for being open about their sexual exploits not to mention looking down on Flynn for feeling he was in love with Cosima despite having just met her. All there was to him was that he was the Good Guy and he was in love with Leila. A lot of times he was extremely dickish towards Flynn just for the guy being grateful about Tobias saving his life. There were two particular times in the novel that it was very obvious that everyone was just being a dick towards Tobias just so that we, the reader, would feel sorry for him and hate the bad guys. When he lost the gift challenge due to only being able to draw Leila, everyone laughed and berrated and hated him despite just a few moments ago being chummy with him seeing as he's quite literally pulled some of them out of challenges and saved their asses. Then much later on during the Viewing where the foreign rulers bet on who would win the fight to the death, everyone just gangs up on Tobias again and starts smacking him around and laughing at him because we're supposed to hate these characters and wanna save and protect poor widdle Toby. Despite the fact that in that Viewing scene, Tobias very much brought all of that on himself seeing as he blatantly insulted the foreign rulers right to their faces and called them disgusting. Yes, they're vile for betting on human lives, but at the same time, these are very influential and powerful rulers of foreign kingdoms and Tobias is the least-liked comtetetor left out of the Tournament. All in all, Tobias (like all of the male characters in this story) doesn't feel like a real, believable man but as the fantasy perfect man that a teenager would dream up and swoon over.

The Sovereign confused me. A lot. Why was it that he didn't have Leila (the Savior) killed while she was still in infancy? She was premature when she was cut from her mother's womb and this is set in a time where there wasn't the technology necessary in order to ensure Leila survives infancy so it would have been a simple matter of strangling her then lying to the public to say that the circumstances to her birth complicated matters and thus she died. He easily lied about who killed Leila's mother by cutting out the man's tongue and having him publicly executed so why could he not have killed Leila and spun a lie? The same goes for his strange need to have Tobias killed in the arena. He's the Sovereign, after all, it would have been very easy for him to order Tobias executed (especially when there were two assassins still alive by the time they get to the palace) and hide the true nature of his death. The public wasn't around for a lot of the challenges (from what I could tell, at least) so it was very unnecessary for the Sovereign to insist that Tobias be killed in the arena when Tobias proved himself very capable of defending himself out there. Especially when time and time again Tobias was being Blessed by the Savior and thus given an extra edge in each fight. Another thing was his anger about Leila being down in the Labyrinth despite that having been the perfect opportunity for his three assassins to kill her seeing as Tobias wasn't available 24/7 to look over her and protect her.

Leila being the Savior is a very hollow revelation and makes much of the book seem very pointless. The whole premise was that Tobias falls in love with a woman that he's not supposed to seeing as he's entered into the Sovereign's Tournament, but it's all taken away and the impact of him having a forbidden romance with someone who isn't the Savior is taken away when it turns out that the woman he loves is in fact the Savior. It was very annoying to see Leila constantly assuming things of Tobias, first with seeing the blood on his hands and assuming he's the one that murdered the first three competetors in the Labyrinth (despite him being covered in injuries from said Labyrinth) and then going on to the Poem Challenge where he poured his heart out in a love poem ABOUT her and FOR her. Instead of taking this into account, she just assumes that he had sex with Cosima during his reward even though by this time they had confessed to loving each other already. It's very trope-y and something I've seen many a times in other stories and media. Her killing of the Senators is just seen as a "Oh, *shrug* no biggie" type of thing by Tobias which I felt was very strange seeing as he looked down on and actually beat up the other competetors in the Tournament for murdering people. Leila also constantly got upset with Tobias for saying that he hates the Savior when they both know that he thinks Cosima is the Savior. When he was saying he hates the Savior, he was referring to hating Cosima and they were both well aware of this. She was supposed to be this super badass woman who doesn't afraid of everything and yet to me she just felt like a special snowflake Mary Sue most of the time. Finally about Leila I kept wondering is why she smelled so strongly of peaches that Tobias was seemingly able to smell it the moment she walked through a door. Did she constantly eat them? Was she bathing in a scented wash? Did she wear peach perfume? It was never explained to my knowledge.

Sadly in the story, Kaleo was the only character I found myself enjoying at times since he angered Tobias so much and I was already annoyed with Tobias before the end of the first chapter. Despite him at the end of the story turning into a perverted sexual deviant who wanted to literally rape Tobias in order to torture him for the Sovereign and being very two-dimensional like the rest of the characters in his sadistic tendencies during the whole Tournament, he was still the most entertaining of all the characters.

The Writing:

Despite me prefacing this review with that I feel Jenna Moreci gives out sound advice on writing, I found her writing style to really not live up to that advice she preaches one her YouTube channel. For one thing, the dialogue in this story was such a strange hybrid switching back and forth from overly formal and robotic to fratboy/fuckboy speak. And every single character save Enzo and the Queen from Enzo's country spoke in the same exact way. Even the Sovereign, the literal king of Thessen, walked around calling people "little bitches" and "cunts" all the time. Leila was called blunt and her words were made to seem like a joke but instead, her dialogue was just very vulgar when it felt that the author wanted to be funny. Another thing was that overuse of the words "cock", "cunt" and "bitch" throughout the story. They were the ONLY insults thrown at people which made it really seem that the author knew no other insults she could give for the characters to toss at each other. Even Raphael, the Intellect, literally the smartest and most refined man in the Tournament would say "cock" and I believe even called people "cunts". As far as I was able to tell, there was only one instance that Jenna Moreci wrote "dick" instead of "cock" and it was twenty-six chapters deep in the story while Cosima was trying to coerce Tobias into having sex with her.

This whole story just feels like it was a YA book placed under the Adult genre in order to allow the author to have gore and sex and vulgar dialogue. As I mentioned with Tobias, the men in the story just felt so unbelievable as if they were thought up by a teenager who thinks this is what grown men are all like despite this having been written by a 30+ year old woman. A lot of the elements were just so juvenile and immature such as the fuckboy nature to a lot of the dialogue and certain things like Tobias focusing so much on Leila's chest and thinking to himself "tits tits tits tits" at one point. Then there was a whole scene where Tobias describes urinating in someone's washbin for cheating on his sister which, while yes he was sixteen at the time, felt so juvenile for him to be talking about. Another EXTREMELY juvenile and cringey thing was that Ceasar was just randomly jerking off right next to Tobias in his tent every morning. As if in spite of being in the Tournament surrounded by a bunch of death and violence and gore he's just too horny and can't help but masturbate right next to Tobias. Finally a lot of the descriptors given to people in dialogue and even in the narrative itself felt very strange. The servants constantly scuttled and scampered about. People were skidding to a halt despite walking at a regular pace. And a lot of times people "spat" out words when it didn't seem like that's how they were trying to say the sentence? I don't know how to put it other than it was just very strange.

The Plot/World:

I've seen a lot of other one-two star reviews going over the lack of Worldbuilding in this story, so I'll try not to reiterate too much here. I do agree that there's just so little we're given about Thessen other than the general vibe that it's based off of Ancient Greece and it used to be a desert before the first Savior changed it all. I also agree that the lack of an in depth explanation on the magic was just very confusing and left a lot of head scratching and it's sad to realize that Jenna Moreci is more than likely saving any kind of explanation on the magic and how it works for her second and third book in the series. It would have been nice in the final chapter when Leila saved Tobias and was explaining everything about her being the Savior that she give us SOME kind of explanation. Such as why the Blessings ONLY showed up on Tobias when it was most convenient for them within the story. Why didn't it show up when Tobias was in the hedge maze? Why did it take until he made it to the arena and started fighting Flynn and Kaleo? Why is it that despite Leila being a literal god wasn't powerful enough to keep the Sovereign from having too much control or even just from overthrowing him and taking control of the realm back? There was also the whole matter in the final chapter with her suddenly needing to say a chant in order to heal Tobias when before when healing him she just slathered the fake potions on him and touched him.

It was very confusing that the Sovereign, the current ruler of the realm of Thessen, wasn't able to name how many Tournaments there have been but he was able to tell everyone that there were three men who tried to quit the Tournament and know exactly how they were executed for their dessertion. Another thing about the worldbuilding was that it was very sad that characters kept using the phrase "oh my God" or using "God" at all. Despite Thessen being based on Ancient Greece (which was polytheistic) and them worshiping a living god in the Savior, it would have been a lot nicer and fit in better for characters to say something like "oh my Savior" or at least use the plural form of "gods" or give us an explanation that the Savior is supposed to be the child of a singular God and that's why they're constantly praising Him.

There were a lot of just very random things thrown in that despite them serving a purpose to the plot felt out of place in the plot. Such as there just randomly being an apothecary lesson for seemingly no reason only for it to be revealed that the wine was poisoned. Like, why did no one question why they were learning how to brew an antidote to a poison in the first place? How did none of the "smart" characters like Tobias or Raphael piece together that they were being poisoned? As I mentioned before, the deaths for much of the story just felt very random and served no real purpose other than to eliminate that character from the roster and have someone for Tobias to cry about for a few pages until Leila came along and he could stare at her chest to forget all his troubles.

Miscellaneous Issues:

There were also a lot of just very random things that I kept cringing at or questioning in the story. Such as the dialogue at the start with the woman asking Tobias if he prefers "the cock to the cunt" as a roundabout way to ask if Tobias is gay. Cosima's lovely little line about how a man isn't a man until he proves he can have sex with a woman. Like, yes, we're supposed to not like Cosima because she's betraying Leila and going power hungry (and a lot of the time it felt like we were supposed to hate her for being "slutty") but that whole thing just had me cringing.

Tobias seemed to have this instant weapon mastery after having one overnight lesson on how to fight with a sword against the bardiche with Flynn and Leila. He was never taught how to shoot a bow, he was never taught how to fight sword against sword and he CERTAINLY wasn't taught how to dual wield swords and yet he was instantly able to master all of these fighting techniques despite having just One (1) lesson in the whole book.

Garrick did an absolute 180 going from this super badass calling everyone else a coward and jumping into the ravine (which should have killed him given that him jumping from that height and hitting the water's surface tension would have been like jumping onto concrete) turns into a coward throwing a hissy fit and saying "fuck the Savior" just because Drake pointed him out next as the target he wanted to kill.

The fight against the Giant confused me since Tobias was teleporting around the arena and at the start I had assumed the arena was a large area and yet when he would teleport from one side to the other he was able to hear the Giant questioning what was going on with perfect clarity. He was also confusing in killing the Farmer for being "blasphemous" despite he himself wanting only coin and glory and calling the Savior a "pair of glowing tits". (At least I thought it was the Giant that killed the Farmer. I could be wrong because of confusion, again.)

The final two points that were just very random were why Delphi kept telling Tobias all this information about the other contestants. Other than it being because Leila liked Tobias, she was giving him information before Tobias even realized he was in love with Leila so I just kept asking myself "why is she doing this? What's in it for her?" And lastly was that the riddles in their little card game were stupidly simple and felt only there for the need of toting Tobias' intelligence to the reader.

In Conclusion:

I was very disappointed in this story. I had high hopes going in and was excited to read it because I like Jenna Moreci's channel on YouTube but I ended up having to force myself to finish this book when I wanted to just close it and return it to the library after the first three chapters. It's made me very hesitant to find and read her other book Eve: The Awakening or any other book in the Savior's Series despite my morbid curiosity. All in all, I would not recommend this book to anyone and give this a 2/5 simply because I liked Kaleo and his trashy self.

#the savior's champion #tsc #jenna moreci

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