#me insult this. The least it deserves after making me mad Online | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Hey there! Admittedly I'm a little bit nervous since this is my first ask, but I'll try to not be too rambly.

So, recently the main subreddit, r/RWBY, made a ban on active users of the r/RWBYcritics subreddit. As a result there's been discussion around bad-faith criticism in the latter subreddit. What are your takes on bad-faith criticism?

For me personally, I think a bunch of people are misusing the term "bad-faith" and using it as a way to shut down criticism, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it.

Hey there, everyone! We woke up to some drama this morning, huh? And hello to you too, Tortoise! I'm so glad you decided to send in an ask, even if it's following some pretty tumultuous events...

Right, I'd like to start with a story. The story of how I personally don't spend time on Reddit, but I have plenty of friends who will occasionally cross-post something for me to see. Yesterday (or the day before? Idk time is meaningless) a friend told me about a post — which, significantly, I'm now having trouble finding — that covers RWBY's inconsistent writing and the fandom's tendency to try and explain away those missteps. They'd thought I'd be interested because I'd just had a conversation here on tumblr where I made that exact point to someone who, also significantly, vehemently disagreed with me, but in a very civil fashion. Given everything going on, I feel like this side point needs emphasis: we debated, we did so in a sometimes heated, but nevertheless respectful manner, it was clear neither of us was going to sway the other, and the conversation ended. The two "sides" of the community interacted without Armageddon coming about.

But back to the purpose of this tale. I went to take a look at this point and found that it no longer exists. There's just some vague message about it not obeying the subreddit's rules. "What happened?" I asked. "Why'd they take the post down?" "People were getting too heated in the comments," my friend replies. So, given that the comments were still visible, I proceeded to read through them, expecting personal attacks, slurs, harassment, etc. Any number of things that would justify deleting the post itself to put an end to such behavior. Instead, I found a thread of people having a conversation. Was the conversation heated at times? Sure. Did one or two individual posters edge into the realm of petulant, "No. You're wrong and stupid" responses? Yes. Was any of this remotely what I was expecting given the post's removal? NOPE.

"This isn't allowed?" I said. "Well then what is? People were being civil! Or at least as civil as hundreds of strangers ever get when discussing a series they're passionate about online."

Then, this morning, I hear that the entire critic subreddit has been banned.

So to answer your question, Tortoise, I don't actually think that "good faith" criticism exists. Meaning, it's not just that fans are misusing the term "bad faith criticism," but rather that there is no unified, agreed up method of writing criticism that will meet their standards. It's not possible and we know it's not possible because fans have been trying to meet those elusive standards for years:

A fan posts nothing but praise for RWBY until changes make them criticize the show as it is now. Their entire body of work is dismissed as the product of a "hater," despite the overwhelming gap between positive and negative reviews.

A fan posts a review that's a pretty balanced mix between praise and criticism. They're dismissed because it's still too much criticism.

A fan posts a review that's 99% praise with 1% criticism. That's still too much, with fans focusing on the single problem they had with the work and using it as an excuse to dismiss the entire review out of hand.

(As an aside, the argument that critics are "obsessed" with only saying negative things and that the only problem here is that they're "too" negative ignores the argument that... RWBY has a lot of flaws nowadays. Few are willing to acknowledge the possibility that it's not fans insisting on making things up to be mad about/ignoring the good parts of the show, it's the that show is, as of now, legitimately more of a mess than it is a praise-worthy product. If I'd been writing recaps in the Volumes 1-4 days, my work would have been skewed far more towards the positive. The critics' stance is that RWBY has gotten worse, which yes, results a higher volume of critical posts. To say nothing of how criticism takes far longer to explain, likewise resulting in posts focused primarily on that side of the divide. I really enjoyed the image of a crying Jaune reflected in his sword. I did not enjoy that moment's context. Saying that you liked an animation choice is a one sentence thing. Explaining the complexities of Jaune securing emotional moments, the problems with Penny's second death, the hurt many fans experienced watching an assisted suicide, etc. takes a whooole lot longer. Hence, you get massive, multiple posts about these nuanced topics and fewer, smaller posts about the details that are working well.)

A fan talks about a topic that has been metaphorically banned by the fandom as a whole. They have something good to say about Ironwood. They dislike something about Blake/Yang. They enjoyed Adam as a character. They have a problem with Ruby's leadership, etc. There's a whole list of topics nowadays that will result in an automatic dismissal, regardless of the point the fan is trying to make or how well they make it.

A fan talks about the minority representation of RWBY — its black characters, its queer characters, its disabled characters, etc. — and as a result has something to say about the biases and missteps of those writing these characters. This is considered an attack on the writers and, therefore, automatically bad.

A fan talks about how they enjoyed RWBY as it was years ago and is having trouble reconciling the dark, complicated story with the simple, hopeful one we started out with. This is seen as an attack on Monty's vision and an unwillingness to accept that "everything is planned."

A fan does as asked and ensures that their post is meeting all the requirements of "real" criticism. They have an argument to make. They have a point. They provide evidence. They recommend a solution. They keep their tone respectful. They don't attack the creators. They provide disclaimers in every single paragraph about how they do not hate RWBY. It doesn't matter. They're considered too negative.

I have, quite literally, seen every one of the above examples on multiple occasions. I have had many of the above accusations leveled at my own work. When fans say that they're fine with criticism provided it's not "bad faith" criticism, they don't actually have a specific post-type in mind; a checklist of behaviors another fan can emulate and, provided they do that, no hate will come their way. Or, if an individual fan does actually go, "Yeah. That criticism I'm fine with" that response is in no way universal. One person's "They make a good, civil point" is another person's, "Omg stop bashing the show!" Because "bashing" has come to mean everything from curse-laden insults towards everything RWBY has ever done, to posts that just happen to say something other fans don't agree with.

It's a rigged game. There is no way to post criticism about RWBY in an agreed-upon, appropriate manner. This recent ban is proof of that. I think it's incredibly telling that almost immediately after I was going, "Wow. A pretty calm debate about the flaws of RWBY in the main sub. That's great to see," all posters from the criticism subreddit were banned. The main sub literally just had the sort of criticism that they claim to accept — people respectfully posting analysis-based arguments resulting in calm debate — and yet they implemented the ban anyway. I'm not going to pretend that I've never gotten too heated on my own posts, never made snarky comments when I'm frustrated, never used exaggerated reaction GIFs that can come across as insulting... but I'd say on the whole my RWBY work is precisely the sort of "good faith" criticism that other fans are supposedly looking for. I never make an argument I don't think I can back up with evidence. I try to allow for the nuance and differing opinions of complicated topics. I try — even if I don't always succeed — to write in a clear, respectful manner. Yet none of that work has stopped people from telling me I'm a "bitter... raging asshole," a "deranged, delusional psychopath," telling me to set myself on fire, threatening to smash my head in, or just messages to straight up kill myself. If someone like me who legitimately works hard to create fair, defendable criticism and who only ever posts on a personal blog that people can easily block, who never engages in debate until someone else starts it first, never seeks out other fans I disagree with to harass them about what they like... if someone like me is still a "bad faith" critic who "deserves" that kind of hate mail... then what kind of criticism do people want?

Nothing. That's the answer. No criticism whatsoever, of any kind, no matter if it's delivered respectfully, is making a good point, whatever. That's why "RWDE" was created. That's why the critic subreddit was created. The community at large has demanded a complete separation between Praise and Anything That's Not 100% Praise, which has now resulted in this ban. Any other explanations we see are excuses, which becomes glaringly obvious when you look at the mods' supposed reasons for implementing the ban:

"Constant arguments with r/RWBY users" - As opposed to the arguments surrounding things like shipping that never, ever happen?

"Vote manipulation and comment brigades" - The subreddit with 3,000 participants, with around 200 on at a time, is manipulating the votes of a subreddit with 155,000 participants, with over 1,000 on at a time? Those numbers just do not check out. If a positive post is downvoted, or a critical post upvoted, maybe that's because large swaths of the community actually agree/disagree with that assessment, not because the incredibly smaller group is somehow manipulating things.

"Attacking and harassing those they disagree with" — Again, as opposed to those non-critics that never, ever harass people? This is an individual problem, not a community problem. Both critics and non-critics have their sub-groups acting in ways they shouldn't. If anything, the main sub will have more individuals harassing other fans, simply by virtue of being so much larger. As the above examples attest, it's not other critics who have told me to light myself on fire and, just to be clear, the asks I've responded to are a miniscule number compared to the amount I've received. I delete the lion's share for my own sanity and to save my followers from reading the really graphic threats.

"Months-long NSFL spam brigades" — I am, admittedly, not sure what this is referring to. Spamming of NSFW content? If so, that's also an individual problem.

"Homophobic, transphobic, and racist attacks towards our users" — See the above points. Again. If someone is being homophobic, transphobic, or racist, then yes please, ban them. Don't ban an entire community for the actions of a few. It's like walking into a store and banning a customer for causing a scene... but then also banning everyone else who happened to be shopping at the same time. It's guilt by association.

The silver lining to all this? The community as a whole isn't pleased. At least according to the main subreddit comments and a few individual voices like MurderofBirds. Despite the increase (from my perspective anyway) of critical voices post-Volume 8, criticism of RWBY is still very much seen as taboo. As this ban showcases. But it's really reassuring to see so many fans, critics and non-critics alike, going, "This was a mistake." A community is meant to include all aspects of engagement: praise, criticism, and the gray area between. If anything, fans like the mods of the main subreddit should be creating a separate subreddit that is specifically for praise. In the same way that there should have been a tag for RWBY praise, rather than trying to eliminate any and all criticism from the main "RWBY" tag. The majority of fans, even those who claim to hate critics and all they (presumably) stand for, recognize that a blanket ban of all criticism is not the way to go, especially when "criticism" has come to have such a staggeringly broad definition. If you want your RWBY experience to be nothing but sunshine and roses (ha), then cultivate your own internet experience to reflect that. Create your own pockets with rules about how this is the space for praise and if you're not up for praising RWBY right now, don't interact with us in this particular space. Don't try to make the entire community — the main tools used to discuss the show online — conform to your preferences. As established, there is no "good" criticism that everyone in the fandom will accept, which just leaves a fandom with no criticism at all. I'm glad to see I'm far from the only one who, when presented with that extreme, is going, "Nope. No thank you."

#rwby #mymetas #suicide tw #rwde

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random-mha-thoughts · 4 years

Text

Quarrel (Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou)

Pairing: Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou

Genre: Crack. Just pure crack

Summary: Your boyfriend and your best friend are fighting again. And calm chaos ensues.

Word count: 1,137

Tags: @yuki-osaki @liviitehe @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog @bunnythepipsqueak

a/n: I’m really sorry I haven’t posted anything in the past few days guys 😢 Online school sucks and is really overwhelming. But I wanted to post something to let you guys know I’m alive barely. I haven’t been able to even start anything substantial in the past few days, but I put this together really quickly, I’m not expecting it to do very well, but that’s okay, it was fun to write. I promise the next post will be better and up to par with my normal content! Enjoy this little crackity ficity for now!

"This is all your fault."

"We're both in here, you know."

"You started it!"

"And we both finished it."

Bakugou leaps up on top of his chair, crouching on it as he yells, "Stop acting like such a goody-goody, Icyhot! You know it was your big mouth who got us into this mess, not me!"

Todoroki sits in his chair, choosing not to face the barbarian behind him. "It was both of us clashing together that made (Y/n) unhappy."

Bakugou growls low in his throat. "I never liked you! (Y/n) shouldn't be with a pompous, spoiled rich boy like you! You've got a huge complex you're still dealing with!"

The calm boy quirks his attention at that, slowly standing up to face Bakugou straight on. "If either of us have a complex, it's you. You act like such a tough guy, but you're most likely scared that you're a complete weakling, aren't you? If you aren't strong like everyone probably expected from you when you were younger, you think everyone's gonna stop giving you attention, and you feed off of that."

Bakugou's face slowly turns redder with every neutral word coming out of Todoroki's mouth. When he finishes, he grabs Todoroki with one hand as small explosions pop out of the other. "Remember when Midnight saved your ass at the Sports Festival? You better give it your all, or else you're gonna DIE!"

The day had started out normally. Todoroki, Midoriya, and you were watching an action movie in the common room, and Bakugou joined later. Most of the girls were sitting at the table talking and doing homework together while some of the other guys were out training. You were cuddled up to Todoroki's left side as usual while bantering with Bakugou over the movie plot. You don't even remember how this entire argument started, but Bakugou's blood pressure probably spiked up at the tiniest insult and your boyfriend took the opportunity to piggyback off your jabs, but took them too far.

"YOU-!"

"He's gonna say something wrong one day and someone will punch him right in the face. And he'll deserve it."

Midoriya glances back and forth between the fuming Bakugou and his calm and collected friend who's making a huge mistake. "Todoroki..."

But it's too late. The hotheaded blond jumps from his seat and grabs my boyfriend by the collar. "You must really have a death wish, Icyhot!" he roars.

Todoroki's unaffected by it, narrowing his eyes to slits. "You must think the world falls at your feet. The reality is your personality grates on everyone's nerves and it's unbecoming of a future hero. It's something you really need to fix."

That's when you finally stood up, grabbed both glaring boys by the ears, and dragged them into an empty room in the distance, sitting them both down on the chairs in the middle of the room. "You idiots, I can't even watch my movie in peace! I love you both and all, but if you're gonna fight, do it so I don't hear you." With that, you retreated out and locked the door behind you. The rest of the students looked on as you turned off the TV and sat yourself down at the table with the rest of the girls. They gawk at you, the mother who just threw both of her fighting kids in a pit to "talk" out their differences, and you're not bothered by any of it.

The ground currently shakes, smoke drifting out from the crack under the door. Everyone in the common room simultaneously turns their head to stare at the impending doom.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to leave those two in a room together alone?" Momo raises an eyebrow at you as she returns from the kitchen with a tray.

You shrug, nonchalantly flipping through a magazine. "As long as they work something out." Taking a sip of the tea Momo brought for everyone, you inspect the panel cartoons. "Who knows? They might even kiss accidentally like those other two anime rivals."

Midoriya clutches his blanket around his shaking form, his emerald eyes occasionally darting to the empty room as if he's scared the door's about to explode off its hinges. "(Y-Y/n), I think it was a v-very bad idea to leave them in there. I-It looks pretty bad." He points with a shaky finger.

"They'll be fine," I wave him off. "Does anybody wanna grab some lunch? I'm kinda hungry. Should we get delivery?"

"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE ICYHOT!! SAY GOODBYE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR FACE!!" You all hear from behind the door, the volume akin to if Bakugou were standing right next to you.

"We should get Chinese, haven't had that in a long time." You flip another page.

While everyone else loses their shit over the building possibly burning down with all of them in it, Ochaco's the only one who notices you smiling secretly to yourself. Because you're secretly a sadist who relishes in the chaos of madness happening, and you know they won't harm each other for your sake.

Probably.

After an hour of perpetual screaming, crashes, and mini earthquakes - God knows that door's really holding on, it deserves a raise - there's a lull that interrupts the rest of the students as they chow on their lunch and discuss training for the week.

"Do you think they're finally done?" Jirou asks, her earphone jack twisting in air. She's been careful not to accidentally plug it in anywhere, the noise would ring both of her ears to deafness.

"Just give them a few," you respond, really enjoying the sesame chicken you've been craving for the past few months. "They'll be out soon, gotta hug it out."

Without fail, after another five minutes of lull, the door creaks open slowly, the rest of the smoke floating into the common room as two darkened figures slump out. Both boys' clothes are burned almost completely off, their silhouettes blackened by ashes, their hair tips singed, and their faces covered in bruises. They awkwardly teeter towards the table; Bakugou takes a seat one your left side and Todoroki stands behind and loops his arms around your shoulders.

"Bought you guys food, but at least wash your hands first," you instruct.

They wordlessly file into the kitchen, not a word of argument between them, nor a grunt of discontent. Everyone assumes it's because they're too exhausted to complain about anything to each other, but when they accidentally touch the same food container when they sit down, they quickly retract their hands back and look away from each other.

You simply slide the spicy udon towards your best friend and the mei fun towards your boyfriend. "So, I'm guessing it tasted really smokey when you guys kissed?"

"Shut up."

#todoroki x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #crack #todoroki scenario #bakugou scenario #todoroki imagine #bakugou imagine #gender neutral reader #mha todoroki #mha bakugou #bnha todoroki #bnha bakugou #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #mha x reader #bnha x reader

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soulwillower · 4 years

Text

if you’re too shy • richie tozier

(richie tozier x cam girl!reader smut)

[based off the song if you’re too shy (let me know) by the 1975.]

requested: i can't find it lol BUT 🤍anon (i think) requested a fic based off of the 1975′s new song, if you’re too shy let me know !!

warnings: swearing, alcohol use, switch!richie kinda, smut, unprotected sex, a tiny bit of cumplay i guess, mentions of phone sex, oral sex (female receiving), face sitting, a bit of dirty talking, UNEDITED as always

also i wrote this in a different style than usual and idk if i like it much but u can let me know what u guys think,, if its weird i can go in and change the povs since its 3rd person richie

[losers + reader are 21+ in this.]

7.4k words lol

♡

i see her online all the time i'm trying not to stare down there while she talks about her tough time

"h-hey, man, who's that?" the voice from right next to richie makes him damn near leap out of his seat. it makes beverly chuckle a bit as she takes a bite of her apple, shaking her head. "it’s nobody." richie says quickly as he tilts his phone towards his chest and shoots a toothy grin to bill. his friend raises his full eyebrows, "wh-what, so n-nobody was sending you n-nudes?"

"something like that." richie mutters, stomach fluttering as the image flashes in his mind’s eye - the curves, the dark red lace, the plush skin painting a perfect scene in richie’s vivid imagination.

richie looks back down at the photo. his his thumbs hover over the profile picture; he'd found her originally on his instagram explore page, the photos teasing and immediately he had to know more. y/n.

and then a few days later, he'd subscribed to her only fans, which he never quite thought he'd do with anyone, but he couldn't help it. she was so enticing, so perfect and so alluring. it was the playfulness that pulled him in; and he swears he's never lusted after somebody like he has with her. it was kind of starting to freak him out.

"is that o-onlyfans?" bill says and richie shoves bill's nosy face off his shoulder with a panicked grunt. "fuck off, mushmouth."

bill laughs and stan and bev perk up from across the table, staring at the two, interests suddenly piqued. "did you subscribe to a girl's onlyfans, rich?" stan says with a grin, setting his pen down on his notebook.

richie just smirks and wiggles his brows a bit, enough to confirm his question. bill chuckles from next to richie.

"let me see." bev says, wiggling her manicured nails in a "gimme" motion. richie hands his phone over with red cheeks. normally he wouldn't care about his friends discovering he's paid money just to see a hot chick's bod, but this was different. for some reason, he felt connected to her. god, that thought made him want to slam his head against a brick wall. she doesn't even know him, for all he knows she could live in the middle of.... montana, or like, ohio.

bev whistles and stan nods, "if i looked like that," bev mumbles as she tosses richie's phone back towards him, "i'd do that too. mad props."

noises of agreement fill the table but richie's just looking at the small smirk that peeks from the corner of one of the photos and he can't help but wonder what her eyes are like in real life. he wishes he could meet her.

girl of your dreams, you know what i mean there's something 'bout her stare that makes you nervous and you say things that you don't mean

it's a cold day when bill and richie find themselves stumbling in to the coffee shop for a drink. bill's muttering about some girl in his creative writing class that gave him head when richie's eyes catch a figure so familiar yet foreign that he stops dead in his tracks. bill turns to him, face confused. "r-richie, what's wrong w-with you?"

richie shakes his head, stammering in disbelief, "that-that's her, bill. the girl, from onlyfans. y/n." he whispers, gesturing with his eyes towards the girl working the register.

bill’s jaw goes slack, green eyes raking over her form and igniting richie’s stomach with boiling rage. as if bill’s doing something that only richie is allowed to do – as if they're not both being total creeps.

“h-holy sh-shit. she’s b-beautiful.” bill mumbles. richie elbows him in the ribs, shooting him a glare that prompts an eye-roll from his auburn haired friend.

richie swallows and watches, his throat feeling like sandpaper as she laughs at something the customer in front of them said. bill nudges richie, "i-i'm gonna get a s-seat. t-talk to her."

he winks and grins as he walks away, leaving richie with his reckless self. he thinks he's sweating through his sweater as he walks up, finding himself face-to-face with her. "hi, how can i help you?" she asks, giving him a smile

holyshitholyshitholyshit.

he might've just came right then and there. okay, he's gotta say something cool, something smooth. don't be a dumbass, tozier.

"howdy, sugar. i'll have my coffee like i like my women." his mouth blurts as his brain sirens go off, PUT ON THE BRAKES, RICH – "a hot shock to the lap.”

she glares at him, cheeks light pink and eyebrows pulled together in annoyance and yep, richie's probably going to get hard because of that look but he's also probably going to toss his body off a bridge because what the fuck, tozier?

he can hear bill laughing quietly from a ways away and he quickly shakes his head, muttering quietly, "jail. jail, richard."

"funny." she deadpans, clearly not amused. because of course she isn't.

"sorry, i'll have a black coffee, y/n." he mutters, eyes widening to himself when he realizes she was not wearing a goddamn name tag and he just said her name.

this is a disaster. she gives him a bewildered, slightly creeped out look and if richie wasn't panicking, he'd gape at how she still managed to be effortlessly gorgeous even now.

he sighs, shaking his head, the door of the cafe opening and blowing a gust of frigid air through the warm room. fitting - douche chill.

"look, toots, i don't want this to be weird. i- um, i recognize you." he says, cheeks aflame. she raises a brow, face straight for a few moments, unsure what he means.

it's not long after when recognition flashes over her own face - must have ruled out coffee shop, university and her local gym - and she nods with a tight, almost uncomfortable smile.

he tries not to think of the livestream he watched last night where she showed all her new gifts and modeled lingerie, and how he’d spent his time to himself with his left hand immediately after watching. his cheeks are red with shame.

"okay." is all she says, writing down a scribbled order on the coffee cup. her eyes shoot back up and give richie a once-over that really makes his fingers itch - god, why did he have to be this way?

he almost runs his fingers through his curls but decides against it, eyes opting to focus on her own gorgeous eyes as they meet him. "i'm impressed i have a fan who looks like you, i must say. even if you are a complete jack ass." she purrs and his jaw nearly smacks the floor at its velocity as it flies open.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he asks then with a small grin, flattered at the tiniest of compliments that just barely, in his mind, eclipsed the insult that he so very much deserved.

"i'm saying you're kind of a dick. it's too bad, because you're real cute." she says casually, handing him his change. his stomach flips and butterflies release in his chest, a feeling that he's not felt in almost five years.

but damn, of course he messed up - he got the chance to talk to the hottest girl on earth and he started it by saying an awful joke that wasn't funny at all. of course she though he was a dick, he is one.

he's shocked, though, as he waits for his coffee with bill, who is still snickering into his hand every few moments, to find his coffee cup with extra sharpie scribbled on the white paper. a name.

y/n. and below it is a phone number with a small heart scribbled, and richie can't tell if it's a seven or a one but he figures he'd try every phone number in the damn state if it meant he could fucking text her. holy fuck.

"maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i'm not playing with you, baby i think that you should give it a go" she said, "maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i wanna see, and stop thinking if you're too shy, then let me too shy, then let me know"

he didn't text her for two days and three hours. yes, he counted it. no, he won't think about why he was obsessing over the numbers - but since the time he'd finally had found the courage to text her today, things have escalated proficiently.

she'd just mentioned how hot it was in her apartment since her heater had gone haywire - even though the winter winds were cold, she'd claimed she was burning up in what she was wearing.

and the mere mention of her clothing had sent richie into somewhat of a spiral, spending at least seven minutes glued to his phone and scrolling through the saved album he had of those photos of her that she'd posted; his sweatpants getting increasingly tight and his palm suddenly aching to slip through the fabric and find some release.

but, in true trashmouth fashion, he apparently needed that sweet, sweet rejection from a hot cam girl he'd somehow weaseled into getting the number of in order to wank off properly, so he types out a text and hits send immediately.

what are you wearing?

and then he almost vomits in embarrassment – what was she going to think? did he just royally fuck up? oh god, he’s going to have to shave his head and move to canada.

his phone buzzes and he nearly passes out when he lays his eyes upon the image attached – there her body is again, curvy and full and beautiful, her skin glowing in the fading light of what he assumes is her bedroom. and with it:

this. what are you wearing, rich?

and then he pulls his gaze from his phone and stands, breathing heavily because holy shit.

he's gotten nudes before, but.... none from someone like her. holy shit.

he walks to his bathroom, splashing water on his beet-red cheeks. he swallows, staring at himself in the mirror. fuck.

he slaps his cheek once, then winking at himself in attempt to muster any sliver of confidence. and then he snaps a picture, only in his boxers.

and then he has to physically refrain from making a joke about wearing the same lingerie set as her, instead sending a flirty text that he knows any other woman would blush at. he just doesn’t know with y/n, and maybe that’s why he loves it so much. she's keeping him on his toes.

you like what you see?

he sends that one afterwards, shaking his head because oh my god, she's going to respond with "no" and then bill him $40 for the nude she sent him. not that he wouldn't pay, but...

his phone dings and he nearly breaks an ankle running to his desk.

yeah, i do. but maybe i'd like you better without any clothes on.

he almost yells out loud at this, but he has a feeling that waking up stan in the middle of the night would not be optimal after their 'roommate agreement' they'd made that explicitly states richie cannot scream between 1am - 9am. so instead he smirks to himself, face turning red.

he's getting harder by the moment, and as he stares at that picture she'd sent earlier, he lets out a breathy groan. the lace....

we could face time yk

or we don't have to.

he reads her words in live time, watching the thought bubble appear again and watching it like a hawk. he can just imagine her sitting there with a small smirk as another text comes in and he almost groans as his dick twitches.

like, if you're too shy or something ;)

he stares at the screen for two seconds at that sinful photo she'd sent just before those texts and then sighs, shaking his head and pressing the green face-time call button.

i've been wearing nothing every time i call you and i'm starting to feel weird about it sometimes it's better if you think about it this time, i think i'm gonna drink through it

three days later, richie was undeniably and unequivocally drunk. but, as he's just explained about three times to mike, he knows that it is just easier to not think right, especially about her, right now - and the best way to do that is by getting so piss drunk that even if he tried to "hit her line," as he so eloquently put it, his dick would be too whiskey'd out to make a full appearance.

it's for the best. mike had fake gagged at richie’s cadence with a laugh, but richie was dead serious because he was starting to think he had a real issue.

it was obviously just a fun thing to do between two near-strangers, but he'd found that he was starting to almost pavlov-style condition himself into getting turned on every time the name y/n came across his recent texts or face times, and it was getting to be too much.

especially when her post notification popped up and he cracked a fatty in the middle of his econ lecture. christ, the point of elasticity of markers in the u.s. was not something he pictured when he usually had to quell a pitch in his tent. so yeah, it's too much.

because yes, he loves her fucking body and wants nothing more than her, but in truth he longs for the feeling of her skin against his; to touch her, to kiss her, to make her his. all the time.

but yet, it was just a good way to get off without all the strings and ribbons and yarn and whatever the fuck her soft-looking knit bra is made from attached.

so much for not thinking about her.

but i see her online (and don't think that i should be calling) all the time (i just wanted a happy ending) and i'm pretending i don't care about her stare while she's giving me a tough time

it’s noon the next day and he's laying in (for some reason) stan's bed instead of his own with a blinding, mind-splitting headache and an insatiable craving for a cheeseburger, eyes squinting in lust and something akin to shame as he watches the livestream y/n had just started. she’s in a slip – a very thin, silk and see through slip and it makes him more frustrated than he’s willing to admit.

as he stares at her smooth skin and wonders how it'd be to touch it all, her eyes catch something in the chat and she smiles coyly. "hi, rich." she purrs and richie almost chokes - holy shit, she saw him join.

"do you like my gift i just got?" she asks coyly, snapping the straps of her bra with a small smile and he stiffens almost instantly, thinking of how many times he'd seen her skin in videos and photos that were just for him.

how she'd moaned his name two nights ago on face time, her fingers buried inside herself slightly off-camera. and oh, how he wishes he could see all of her, but they'd not crossed that line yet - anything they'd done hadn't been yet proven visually, only from facial expressions, noises, and the brutal honestly of being together through face time.

he wants her so fucking bad, he needs her like he needs water to drink and air to breathe and it's murdering him as he watches her react to the chat of her livestream, playing with the hem of her black lace panties.

god, he needs a cold shower or something if he's going to get anything done today.

and then he's calling her an a few hours after her stream ends because he just can't wait - he feels his stomach twist with shame as he realizes he should not be doing such a certainly a terrible idea. but she answers after three rings. "richie." her siren voice purrs and he literally feels himself fall deeper into the pit.

"hi there, toots. got any coffee in the pot for me?" he asks, sounding surprisingly eloquent compared to how she normally makes him feel.

she hums in fake thought, and it makes richie grin. she's fucking adorable. "come to the shop, i have my break in ten." and then she hangs up. he sighs, rubbing his face with his hand as he shakes his head. he's utterly fucked.

he's there in record time, a smirk plastered on his face as he walks in and sees her sitting at a table, lookin' all pretty. just for him.

"what made you think of calling?" she says in loo of a greeting. he sits across from her and wills his eyes to meet hers. "nothin' toots." he says with a half shrug, taking a sip of the coffee placed in front of him that has the the name 'dick' written on it in her handwriting. he rolls his eyes affectionately.

"oh, so it wasn't anything to do with my livestream this morning?" she asks with a look, eyeing him. her eyes are swimmable, they hold so many stories and secrets and maybe richie's just hungover, but he's feeling very flustered.

"we-w, uh, no. what... what are you talking about?" he rolls his eyes at himself inwardly, cursing stuttering bill and his contagious speech patterns. "-i don't know what you're talking about, sugar." he recovers fairly smoothly, if he may toot his own horn. and honestly, he can pretend not to care as long as he doesn't look into that goddamn stare of hers.

he chuckles awkwardly, cheeks aflame as she stares at him with a bored look and a small hum. she still looks perfect and he's even more nervous now, because oh god, oh fuck, he's gonna get slapped in the face by y/n.

it was pretty unspoken since they'd started doing... stuff... that richie probably still watched her content online, but she'd never fully addressed it until today during the livestream in front of a thousand others.

he's choking on his spit in shame but then a smile splits her face and richie's sure he's suffocated on his own saliva and gone to a sinner's heaven. or maybe hell.

"oh, richie, i'm just teasing you. look at your face!" she says with an airy laugh, pinching his cheeks and making him want to shrivel up as he turns even redder. what the fuck? "-so cute. alright, i've got to get back to work. i'll see you around, rich." she says with a wink, taking her coffee and tossing it into the trash bin as she stalks towards the employee back room.

he gapes as he watches her leave and then gets up and makes his way to the exit, clutching the coffee like it was trying to jump out of his grasp and make a run for it. god, she's too much.

"maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i'm not playing with you, baby i think that you should give it a go" she said, "maybe i would like you better if you took off your clothes i wanna see, and stop thinking If you're too shy, then let me too shy, then let me know"

"-babe, you'll have to try harder than that." richie says with a chuckle, watching his phone screen as the beautiful girl on face time gives him a sly, challenging look. she's in a green lace bra, one richie's not seen yet and he can feel himself stiffen as she absently trails her fingers over her chest.

they'd been much closer over the last week since he last saw her in person, enough so that in the three-is weeks of knowing her, he's positive he's head over ass for her in a way that he shouldn't be. and yet, she still comes back every time, still texts him and answers those face time calls. he's baffled, honestly.

"i know you hate me because i'm right." he adds, not even totally remembering what point he's trying to prove as y/n shifts back a bit and more of her body is revealed, her hair glowing dimly in the soft lighting of her room. his eyes run over her curves, her full thighs and stomach and hips that fill over her panties and he almost groans.

"whatever, maybe i'd like you better if you took off your clothes." she says coyly. and richie's half flattered, as usual, but the more he thinks of it the more deflated he feels. he kind of thought they were growing something more than just getting each other off over face time like horny fifteen year olds. he grins nonetheless.

"you say that a lot, you know." richie says breathlessly as he stares at her. she tilts her head ever so slightly and grins, biting her lip as her eyes move around her screen with a conflicted look. "-why?" he adds.

she hums again.

"well. okay, so there's the visual world - like, the internet, onlyfans, instagram- it tells us that everything is amazing. and we should want everything. and it makes us yearn for everything that we don’t have and everything that’s unobtainable. you know, love, a relationship beyond physical. and even physical, it's different when it's online."

her words confuse him much more than they aid him. "you think... that because of the internet, love is unattainable?" he asks with furrowed brows, unsure how somebody so perfect and, quite frankly, lovable, would think that.

"it is for me." she says it with a small sense of forlorning but mostly it's whispered. enough that richie's heart skips a beat and he's, for the first time, not having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face instead of her body.

"what?" he asks dumbly. she just laughs, shaking her head and he stares at her on his tiny phone screen in the dark.

"that’s something that, you know. in real life, person to person, it has a lot of connotations of... trust and vulnerability and connection. doing what i do- and what we're doing… on the internet - it has the opposite of those connotations. like, before you, i didn't- i didn't really do this, i just was selling stuff. because guys don't want to fuck the girl who sells her body online. and you know now, i want to..." she trails off and richie doesn't dare interrupt her because he thinks she's about to say something he's wanted to tell her for a while now.

"i don't know, i guess. exploring someone's body in physical presence isn't seen at all as voyeuristic, or anything apart from...like, an intimate exchange." she says it casually, brushing hair from her face and shit, richie's swooning. he's in fucking love, he knows it, because y/n is so smart and intelligent and he's so fucking trashed for her. as she speaks, her hands move and distract him slightly from her body, doused in blue light from the screen and splayed out for him and only him on her phone camera.

the soft lace on her hips and chest make his body stiffen and it causes him to suppress a groan as she sighs, but richie knows he can’t screenshot this heavenly sight because she’ll definitely notice and she can probably already tell he’s having a hard time not staring at her alluring figure as she talks.

"-whereas, you know. as soon as it happens on the internet, it becomes kinky and cam-girly. and, you know, that's fine. i love doing it. it's just, i'm not sure where the authentic communication even is now. or if i get to have a happy ending." she says and he finally sees her blush for the first time.

he wishes he was there with her, he wishes that he could touch the redness on her cheeks and caress her curvy body and taste her skin on his tongue. he wants to feel himself inside her, he wants to be with her and kiss her lips and yet he can't, so he sighs and shifts in his position, moving to turn up the brightness of his phone so he can see better.

"shouldn't you get to be the one to decide that, doll?" is all he adds. because he feels kind of lost and just as confused as y/n is with this.

he's starting to feel weird about it, because... is this authentic? what makes things like hookups or whatever the hell they've been doing authentic? shouldn't this be easy? it's just phone sex, phone sex with a really hot girl.

a girl who is complex and alive and full of sincerity and richie is definitely falling harder than he should.

she just sighs but makes no other comment. and then they just stare at each other, richie's face illuminated in his dark room by the phone's reflection.

well, i found a motel it looked like the bins i think there'd been a murder so we couldn't get in i need to get back i've gotta see the girl on the screen

"come over and watch a movie with me." he says into the phone, biting his lip. the silence from the other end of the line is deafening as she makes her decision, because they both know she's not about to come over just to watch the shining or psycho.

they've never done that before, and richie knows if she does come over, then whatever they have will crash down in a fiery mess. and he hates how excited that makes him as he waits in silence for her to drop the ball. so to speak.

"okay." she says, sounding shocked herself, and richie can't contain the excited grin from eclipsing his face. "yeah?" he asks breathlessly, and she's quiet for a little longer. "yeah. text me your address."

she hangs up after that, and richie's thumbs shake as he types his address and sprints out to where stan, mike, ben, and bill are playing video games in he and stan's living room, wheezing at all of them to get out because someone fucking unbelievable is about to walk through that door.

she's there about an hour later, cheeks flushed when richie opens his door, looking just as nervous and flustered. "hi, chee." she says breathlessly, staring up at him with those goddamn eyes, the eyes that pulled him in the first time. his stomach flips in affection at her nickname and he offers her a drink as she takes in his shitty apartment. he wonders briefly if stan ended up buying that rosé that he'd given him shit for considering, and then prays that stan will stay the night elsewhere.

she's already pouring out glasses of wine when he snaps back to reality, and he grins at her, mumbling in thanks as she passes him a glass that's certainly poured almost to the brim.

"what are we watching, then?" she asks coyly, lifting a brow at him. his cheeks are red, but he tugs her arm down the hall towards his room with a grin, their wine sloshing from their glasses as they move erratically.

"we're watching psycho, y/n/n." he says as he pulls her into his room, glancing back to see she's already swallowed down almost half her glass, a lipstick stain on the side of it. faintly he knows stan will be frustrated if richie doesn't clean that off, but he's more distracted by her lips.

"i like psycho." she says with a nod and a cheeky grin, "the whole 'voyeuristic gaze' thing with hitchcock." she mumbles, and richie recalls faintly learning about that in one of his film classes freshman year and he grins as he takes a hefty gulp of his rosé, figuring he's already given himself away and if she's going to do that, he can too.

he hums, setting down his glass and grabbing hers to set it besides his on the bedside table. he turns around, intending on grabbing his laptop so they could watch the film, but she's so much closer that he'd expected and her hands fall onto his shoulders and he almost shits himself.

unpleasant, but honest. just richie's style.

"can i try something?" she asks with a grin, and richie nods, knowing that she could do anything to him and he'd gladly let it happen and most likely pay out of pocket for the damages afterwards.

and then she's pulling him from her grip on his shoulders, her lips sliding against his and making him grip her hips. his mind almost explodes at with y/n-sensory-overload because he feels her everywhere - on his lips, against his hands, on his shoulders, and pressing against his front.

her lips taste like chamomile and rosé.

she thinks his lips taste like vanilla and cigarette smoke, just as she'd always imagined. he feels so real, pressed against her lips and his body against hers, and she sighs as her tongue slips into his mouth because god, she's needed him for so long. and now she has him.

his hands move, touching every inch of her as their tongues fight for dominance. she pulls back, smirking as she gently pushes him onto his mattress, sliding onto his lap smoothly afterwards, grinding her hips against his slowly.

the moan he emits is heavenly and she could cry because she finally gets to hear it in person and not through the crackling static frequency of the phone.

so she grinds down on him again, eager to feel all of him. he's hardening against her core and she whimpers into his mouth in need as his fingers slip under her top, rubbing circles on her bare skin and making her shiver. she's noticed to this gentleness; it was rare when she did get to enjoy the comfort of another body with her own, and when she did they were hardly half as loving or caring as him.

she's desperate now, she needs to feel him inside her after all these weeks of teasing and waiting, so her hand snakes down to palm him through his sweats. he lets out a small groan into her mouth, biting her lip as he pulls back slightly. their eyes meet and his are hooded with lust, lips parted as she pumps him slowly from outside his sweats. his hips buck up lightly into her palm and she smiles gently, kissing him slowly.

"let me make you feel good, y/n." he mutters, eyes pleading as he stares up at her. her stomach flutters with butterflies and she nods, shocked that he wants to pleasure her.

he gently pulls her off his lap until she's laying on his mattress and he stares down at her, biting his lip as he takes her in. he can't fucking believe she's really here. she slowly pulls off her top, leaving her in her bra and jeans as she stares up at him with a wry, seductive smile. then she unzips her jeans and slides them off, leaving her in his favorite set of hers - black, lacy, and revealing. she looks utterly stunning and he groans, his hands falling to run over the skin, tracing the lace on her breasts. her cheeks are red as she gazes up at him.

"touch me, richie." she orders and he almost groans as he drags his lips over the valley of her breasts, sucking on the soft flesh and admiring the splashes of budding purple and pink that he's created. her heartbeat is quick under his fingertips and he moves to unclip her bra, kissing her skin as the fabric falls away.

she's slightly cold in his room, and goosebumps appear over her flesh as richie leans to catch a nipple in her mouth, flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. she lets out a quiet whine that has richie rutting into the mattress next to her, his fingers trailing down to dance at the waistline of her underwear.

and then he's pulling aside her panties, his fingers running up and down her slick folds and making her jump in lust. he can't wait, just like her, and he's rubbing her clit teasingly as she pleads, "chee, please." her eyes are eyes closed in bliss as his finger slips inside her, crooking slightly as he moves it. he presses his lips to the skin of her breast, pumping his finger and then soon adding another, crooking them both in a way that makes her let out guttural moans of pleasure. he marks her breasts with littered pink and red marks, smiling to himself at her figure.

she can't help but swoon as she watches him, his hair in his face slightly until she brushes it back, his fingers curling inside her and making her gasp, pleasure coursing through her body. his thumb softly comes up to rub her neglected clit and she grabs his shoulders to steady herself, the pleasure almost too much.

she's honestly slightly shocked - knowing richie as little as she really does outside of the literal booty calls at two in the morning and the accumulative forty five minutes they'd spent in person, she'd expected him to be... well, good. just good. because there's no way someone so funny, caring, and smart could also be that good in the sheets.

but right now, he's making her see goddamn stars.

"i've been wanting to touch you for so long, sugar." he mutters, eyes raking over her figure as her breath comes in stuttering gasps. she watches him with blown-wide eyes as his demeanor changes right before her, making her fall apart at his fingertips.

"that feel good, honey?" he asks, smirking as she whimpers, clenching around his fingers. "yes, god you feel so good." she utters, making him groan in approval from where he's sat back, watching her face contort in pleasure. she lets out another moan and richie stares at her body, watching his fingers as they fuck into her. he can't take it, then.

"will you sit on my face, doll?" he blurts, and she nearly yelps out as his fingers leave her. it's abrupt, but she's started to notice that this is how he operates - impulsivity is his second nature. and she loves it.

her face burns as she nods, the thought of richie under her making her whimper with anticipation. "yes, richie, please." she moans out again and he's grinning, laying back on the mattress with a wink. "c'mere, need to taste that pretty little pussy." he mutters and she feels herself clench around nothing, desperate for him as she swings a leg around to straddle his head.

immediately, his hands wrap around her thighs, thumbs smoothing over her stretch marks as he stares up at her, eyes glinting with desire. slowly, his finger pulls the seat of her lace panties to the side and his breath hits her bare, throbbing pussy, making her breath hitch. she cards her fingers through his hair and lowers herself slightly, gasping in shock as his tongue darts out to lick a bold stripe up from her entrance to her clit.

"chee," she moans out, tightening her grip in his hair and sending a groan through his body that reverberates and makes her shiver. his lips attach to her clit and fiery pleasure snakes through her body making her legs shake, a moan escaping her lips immediately. he sucks lightly before releasing to swirl his tongue, her moans making richie impossibly harder through his sweats.

"so good, rich." she mutters and he groans, tongue spreading her wet folds and slowly prodding at her entrance, dipping in slowly before pulling out, teasing her.

she can't help but grind down slightly, making richie grip her tightly, tongue sliding into her again and making her yelp. "you taste so good, baby." he mutters lowly before slowly reattaching himself to her heat, her eyes rolling slightly at the sensation as he fucks his tongue into her. one of his hands snakes up to her ass, gripping it tightly and then slapping it, the stinging pleasure making her buck her hips against him, emitting a hiss from her.

"rich, i-" she cuts herself off with a sharp gasp, the pleasure from richie's mouth making it increasingly harder to speak. her toes curl and her head tilts back as his tongue flicks over her clit, teeth grazing it slightly and making her buck.

she's embarrassingly close already, and judging by the way richie's smirking under her, he can tell. "please, please." she mutters, hips rocking on him as his tongue swirls, nipping softly at her clit and making her cry out. "please, make me cum, 'chee." she mutters and his tongue moves quicker, hand slapping her ass again.

and then she's clenching her thighs on either side of him and grinding down as she hits her peak, moaning quietly as she shakes in pleasure on top of him. he rides through her high, lapping at her and pulling away with a grin as she moans his name dejectedly. she's worn out from the best orgasm she's ever had and he gently nudges her so he slides in between her thighs, her back now on the mattress. he kisses her cheek and she keens quietly.

"fuck me, richie." she mutters, eyes still closed. his eyes snap to hers, surprised at the dominance in her voice after how she was two seconds ago.

he moans quietly, kissing her deeply as he ruts against her and relishes in the feeling. he's pulling off his sweats and boxers in record time and then he's pumping himself as he grips her hips, turning her so she's on her stomach, ass propped up slightly. his hand runs over the smooth skin of her ass, snapping the elastic of her panties and making her moan quietly.

then he's lining up her hips with his, pulling aside the lacy seat of her underwear to press against her entrance. he waits a moment as he leans to press a soft kiss to her spine, slowly easing into her. she moans loudly as he eases in, her face pressing against the pillows. she smiles as she smells the scent she'd just recently come to know as his, his cock stretching her and filling her up fully as he buries himself to the hilt inside her.

"so tight, sugar." he mutters and she whimpers, getting antsy as she adjusts to his size. "richie, please, need it so bad." she mutters, bucking her hips back against him in need.

"say that again." he mutters, sounding strangled, and she grins into the sheets. "please fuck me, richie. need it so bad, need to feel you ruin me." she whimpers, chest fluttering in anticipation. his hands grip her hips as he pulls out of her slowly, almost as slowly as he entered, before stopping almost all the way out. she moans loudly in pleasure as he pushes back in, snapping his hips against hers and filling her completely.

she briefly thanks god that his roommate seemed to be out for the night as she moans his name loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

he sets a brutal pace, his cock thick as it fills her up and makes her toes curl. he pushes her hair away from her neck and presses kisses to it as he hits a spot inside her that makes her scream his name. his fingers move to pinch her nipples, rolling them as he fucks into her.

she's completely blissed out at the feeling of him inside her, so glad that he invited her over and that they finally get to touch each other. "rich, oh my god." she emits, eyes squinted shut in complete pleasure.

"fuck, toots, takin' me so well, aren't you?" he asks, hands kneading her ass before slapping her right ass cheek harshly, making her arch her back. at the new angle they both let out a groan and richie knows he'll fucking cum too soon if they stay like this, so without warning he pulls out completely.

y/n whines, breathing heavily as his hands come to flip her around. now on her back, they make eye contact and she bites her lip, pulling him in for a searing kiss that knocks the wind out of both of them. images of richie in his room alone, snaps and late-night face times play through her mind as he grips her and slides her hips down towards him on the mattress and lines himself to her again, pulling her legs up so they're against his chest before pushing in.

he gives no time to adjust to this angle and it makes her moan loudly as he hits a spot deep inside her that pulls her closer and closer to her second orgasm.

his name leaves her cherry lips like a mantra and he can't stop staring at her as he fucks her into the mattress - the way her tits bounce with his brutal pace, the way her face is twisted in pleasure, the way she clenches and spasms around his cock.

one hand grips her breast, rubbing her nipple with his thumb and forefinger as he kisses her again, addicted to her taste as he feels himself coming closer and closer to the edge.

"chee, fuck, right there." she moans out and he groans in pleasure, the feeling of her walls clenching around him making his hips stutter. he keeps his thrusts up, though, as her fingernails rake down his back leaving small trails of burning pleasure in their wake.

her skin is covered with a sheen line of sweat as she looks up at him, hair wild and lips kiss-bruised. "god, don't stop, 'm gonna cum." she mutters and he snaps his hips harder, eager to make her cum so hard all she can think of is his name.

he moves a hand down to rub at her clit and he moans into her neck as she clenches hard around him, her hips bucking spastically. he can tell she's about to cum, and after a hard thrust, she does for the second time, spasming around him and sending waves of pleasure up his body. she's moaning his name, pulling him closer in bliss as she becomes sensitive and god damn it, she's so fucking beautiful.

"please cum, richie." she whispers against his lips, "please." and then at her will, he's spilling into her, hips stuttering as he pushes as deep into her as he can, loving how she clenches in sensitivity around him. he stays inside her for a moment as they breathe, coming down from their highs and eyes closed as they take in what just happened.

"holy shit." he says because yeah, that's like all he can say right now because he just got to fuck y/n and she's kissing his fucking collarbones right now and its making him blush and his heart flutter.

"that was...incredible." she whispers against his skin and he can feel her smile against his skin. it makes him feel all soft inside as he pulls out of her and flops next to her, kissing her forehead.

his fingers flutter over her sensitive core, smiling as he sees how wrecked she is, some cum dripping down her leg. he then soothes over the lace panties, patting her lightly and kissing her red cheek.

"rich?" she asks, making him look up at her. he hums in question, pushing some of her hair back. "can we still watch the movie?"

his heart swells and he grins, kissing her softly. "of course, doll. you're too cute." he says with a wink, making her roll her eyes. he hands her his shirt and then pulls sweats on himself, mumbling "stay here" and padding out to the kitchen to get her water and snacks, then returning minutes later to see her holding his phone in her clutch with a smirk.

"what're you doing?" he asks with a smile, but she shakes her head, making grabby hands for him and the snacks. so he laughs, cuddling up with the girl of his dreams and watching a flick, falling sleep with tangled limbs and a lipstick-stained neck.

and after she leaves the next morning with a kiss and a wink, he checks his phone and smirks to himself as he notices the lock screen she'd apparently made last night while he was making snacks.

a photo of her in his bed, wearing his shirt, a soft smirk on her face, neck littered in budding hickeys and a hand between her thighs next to her black lace panties.

god, she's going to be the absolute death of him.

//tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @simplesammyx @dickology64 @clownsloveyou @emnotm @moon-shine-baby @toziershmozier @daughter-of-the-stars11 @lets-vibe-bro @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @beauregard-s@finnskindofwoman @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss \\

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier smut #richie has adhd #losers x reader #losers club x reader

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butnobodycame627 · 3 years

Text

I'm about to do a full rant about this teacher aren't I

Yeah I think so because I fucking hate him let's go

Don't reblog this never reblog any of my vents I am just gonna vent a bunch about this teacher because I need to talk about this I'm so fucking upset

Okay. So. I've been doing school online since the quarantine started and this teacher was my science teacher last semester, he is now my math teacher. I had not met him before this school year and I have never met him in person.

According to my brother, this teacher was never as hard on him or anyone in his classes. He would sometimes insult students but normally it was as a joke (as someone that does not understand insult humour, I can't guarantee that my teacher isn't just trying to be funny when he insults people in my classes but it doesn't feel like jokes?). This teacher was never as horrible to my brother, apparently. My brother has said that from what he has heard from my classes, the teacher "sounds more aggressive". Despite this, he seems to doubt that this teacher would ever yell at me (even though he has before).

My mom has contacted the school several times because of things this teacher has done, but no one seems to care. My mom has seen the amount of anxiety these classes give me. My mom does not know French very well, so she hasn't heard some of the things he has said, but I have told her about him before and she has seen my reactions to some of the things he says.

I might end up forgetting some things but here's a list of things he has done:

Yelled at his students

So this has happened loads of times and I can't remember every time it has happened. It tends to happen after someone asks a question or says that some of the work he has assigned does not make sense.

I can remember one time he yelled at me. I was not understanding some of the things he was saying in science class, so I asked him a few questions. He a large portion of that class yelling at me and his explanations were overly complicated. Additionally, when someone does not understand something, he tends to say "oh my god" in a frustrated tone, as if the students being confused is annoying and frustrating.

His response when students ask questions tends to be either yelling at them, insulting them, or ignoring them (though I would say it's often yelling at them). This has discouraged me from participating in, not just his classes, but all of my classes. I am now terrified of asking questions or commenting on certain things. I feel like if I say something in class someone is gonna yell at me. I rarely turn my mic on anymore. I'm so fucking scared, I fucking hate this.

Insulting his students

Alright so. I can remember a few specific insults but there are a lot. There's one specific student that he insulted a bunch of times, I'm not sharing anyone's names just because I don't have their permission. I don't know this student's opinion on the teacher but I know that he gets insulted a lot by him. He's not my favourite person in the world be he certainly does not deserve to be insulted that much, especially when he seems to do a pretty good job in class and he participates a lot.

Some specific insults I can remember... uh, one time a student's microphone wasn't working so they were talking all in written messages (in the chat). The teacher does not read the chat, ever, so other students had to speak up for them (something that I personally am now too afraid to ever do). A student said "hey their mic isn't functioning properly right now". And the teacher literally said "no, that student isn't functioning properly". HE CALLED A STUDENT DYSFUNCTIONAL I'M SO FUCKING UPSET. I can only imagine if that was my. One day, my mic's not working, he's literally ignoring anything I type, someone is nice enough to tell him that my mic's not working, and he says that bullshit. Fuck this guy. Also like he seems to not understand how expensive things like mics and data are, I'll talk about that more later I guess.

Another thing I remember was that one student didn't understand a math question so they said "hey, this question doesn't make sense". This teacher didn't really explain anything about the work before assigning it to us and he I guess just expected us to already know everything he was supposed to teach us. He was very angry at this student and very upset about what they said, but his immediate response to that sentence was "I think you're the one that doesn't make sense".

Basically: I hate him god I hate him so much stop fucking insulting us. Also like I'll talk about how much he hates the online kids later because that's a huge thing oh my fucking god anyway.

Mics and data are expensive, idiot

So like understandably in an online class there are gonna be technical difficulties.

A lot of time, students have trouble with their microphones. I've already mentioned a specific time that that happened but it happened a bunch of other times too. Whenever this happens, he tends to tell the students to "buy a new mic". All of my other teachers are happy to read the chat but this guy is like "nope, you need a new mic or else you’re basically absent". Which like.... mics aren't always cheap and students can't always drop everything to go and replace them.

Also when students have internet problems or can't connect to the internet, he tells them to use data. For two and a half hour long video call classes. Because that's definitely not expensive. Like, I've never used data tbh and I don't know a lot about it but I'm pretty sure that it'd take a lot of data to do a two and a half hour long class? And I'm pretty sure data tends to be expensive? Wtf??

Insulted the students that are taking classes online

He has said a lot of shit but god I hated this. Here is what he said, translated and from memory so it might not be completely accurate:

"The online students don't do any work / don't pay attention" (something like that or maybe both I don't remember) "they just play video games during class. They don't learn anything."

I can't speak for the other students. But I know that I have been working so fucking hard in his classes. I have looked up YouTube videos and asked my parents for help after every class because he can't fucking teach me like he's supposed to. I have stressed about every bit of homework and worked hard to complete everything on time (when he rushes us like crazy). I work so fucking hard while he ignores the online kids and treats them horribly. And he says that shit? He says that all the other online kids and I do all day is mess around and play video games?

According to my brother, during one of his classes, he could not see the whiteboard (the camera was not the best quality and so the whiteboard was blurry and not very visible). He told the teacher (this same teacher) that he could not see, and the teacher responded "If you were in class you'd be able to." He did not bother making any more effort to help the online kids, he simply told them that they would do better if they were physically in class.

Ignored the online students (and forgot about them a few times)

Yeah so on top of insulting us he also ignores us. I've mentioned how he does not read messages in chat but that's not all. Even when students use their mics, he often doesn't listen to them? Or at least doesn't respond? He treats the online kids really horribly, he tends to walk away from his mic while explaining things and when we try to get his attention he just doesn't listen. He communicates with us so rarely that a lot of the time I don't even know what's happening in his classes. He spends too much time away from his mic and he's just.... so ignorant I can't-

He fucking forgot about us one time. For like most of the class he was away from his mic. I didn't want to speak up because, as I said, he scares me a lot. I was debating whether or not to say anything but I ended up thinking "he'll just ignore me anyway". I thought that there was probably work but he hadn't told the online kids where to find it or what it was and he hadn't given us any sort of lesson. Literally I did not know what was happening or what we were supposed to be doing but I felt like if I said something I would get yelled at or ignored. Finally he returned to his mic and I heard him say "oh, did I forget to send the work to the online kids?" Then he fucking yelled at us for not telling him to give us the work. He literally got mad because we didn't tell him to do his fucking job like he was supposed to. When he gave us the work I was still confused because I hadn't heard him explain the work. Class was almost over so I was sure if it was supposed to be completed as homework, either. He didn't tell us anything.

Doesn't really seem to care about COVID?

I remember being very sure of this but I don't remember what exactly he said that made me think this so. I don't know.

He's not the only teacher that has done this, but I do remember that he was one of them. He would often say "you can't do [thing that could get student sick] because the rules say so" and not "you can't do [thing that could get student sick] because you could get sick". Which is something that has always bothered me? Like it feels like he doesn't know why those rules are a thing? Or at least doesn't acknowledge them as things that could put the students in danger?

There's also the fact that he hates the online kids and seems to want all students to attend class in person which is a horrible fucking idea so that's a thing.

Not sure what else, I honestly don't remember why I was so sure of this.

Draws stuff on the whiteboard that the online kids can't see

Pretty much every time he explains something he walks away from his mic and draws on the whiteboard. His camera is never on and we can never see the whiteboard. Because of this, we miss a bunch of his explanation. That's about all I have to say about that.

Often either doesn't explain things or explains things very terribly

As I said, he walks away from his mic a lot, but even when he does't his explanations aren't great? I rarely know what the fuck he's talking about, he tends to either make things overly complicated or leave out important details. And then sometimes he doesn't explain things at all and just... expects us to figure it out.

One time I asked him a question and he literally said to "look it up on YouTube". UH NO HOW ABOUT YOU DO YOUR JOB INSTEAD?

I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HATES HIM

One time in French class, my French teacher asked how things were going in our other classes (she often went off topic and ranted about unnecessary shit but this isn't about her).

And one student made me so happy when they said this (again this is from memory). "I literally never understand anything in his classes or when he explains things. When my dad explains science stuff to me, there will be specific things that I don't understand and that I can ask about, but in his classes, I don't even know what to ask because I don't understand anything at all. Like, when my dad explains, there's small things that I don't get, but when the teacher explains things, I don't understand any of it."

I was so fucking happy that I couldn't even focus on the class because that just made me think "oh my god I'm not alone. Oh my god everyone else is getting confused and upset. Oh my fucking god I'm so happy that other people know that he's awful." And like I was so shocked that she said that to another teacher? But like also I didn't even care because someone finally said it?

Emails

So my mom has contacted the teacher and the principal in many emails and sometimes phone calls. She eventually gave up on telling the teacher and the principal about these issues because the realized that they literally didn't seem to care.

When my mom brought up that he insulted the online students, the principal said "the teacher told me that he was joking when he said that" and so it literally didn't even matter. And like every other problem they said they'd do something about it and then they didn't. I'm- yeah the principal doesn't fucking care that this teacher is awful.

I'm not rereading this to look for grammar mistakes because this is just a vent and no one will read it anyway but I'm so fucking mad and anxious I- AAAAAGH I DON'T WANT TO BE IN HIS CLASSES.

#vent #I've never had such a horrible teacher #idk what I'd do if I wasn't at home all day...#with my family there to help...#I don't want him to know that I cry during his classes #I just don't want to talk to him about anything #I'm scared of going back to school when the pandemic is over #I can't imagine going to his classes in person... he'd see how anxious I was that sounds fucking awful...#and I'd be hearing him yell in person instead of through his shitty mic where I could adjust the volume to make it less loud...#I'm so scared just thinking about it....#I want the pandemic to end but at the same time... I want to keep doing online school #because if I were this anxious in class? in front of everyone? and they all saw me crying like that?#like I've cried in class before but normally it's gym class #I've never cried in like math class until this year so... I feel like that’s feel different #* that'd #and I don't want people to see me crying over shit like this #aaagh I'm so fucking uncomfortable #I might delete this later we'll see

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5sosbitchfest · 4 years

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Alrighty, Nonsters. We currently have 290 Asks in our box! As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them. Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down! I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one. So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard. Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings. Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it! I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

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Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

#kirby #luke #lemon #messy #messygate #messy's twitter drama

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pandawritespoorly · 4 years

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With Time: Chapter 37 - Alya

Author’s Note: Happy St. Patrick's Day! 🍀 Today's the day that every American tells anyone who'll listen about how they're actually kind of, sort of, partially Irish, if you, like, go back far enough to their great grandmother's cousin's half-sister who married some guy who...

Alright, that's enough of teasing my country. This chapter being posted on a holiday is purely coincidental, so there's not really any mention of it in here, also it wouldn't have been relevant.

I don't know about you guys, but the state I live in is taking the self-quarantine thing pretty seriously. I hope my chapters can help you from going too stir-crazy. I have been writing and baking like crazy (and playing Plague Inc, because, come on, I can't not). Several colleges in Michigan are moving online.

Stay safe you guys! Be sure to disinfect whichever device you're reading this on if you haven't recently.

That's enough about the coronavirus. You're all here for Alya, and I'm prepared to deliver. Enjoy!

Chapter Summary: Alya and Marinette have a very important (and long overdue) talk.

First | Previous | Next

Chloe: I heard that fake reporter was coming over to ‘apologize’ today, so here’s some stuff to really drive your point home.

Marinette: wait where did you get those pictures

Marinette: have you had them this whole time???

Chloe: I have my ways. Don’t question me Dupain-Cheng.

---

Adrien <3: Alya wants to know if it’s a good time for her to come over.

Marinette: yeah

Adrien <3: I can tell the others, we can come over.

Adrien <3: Make sure she doesn’t try anything.

Marinette: kitty.

Marinette: she won’t try anything

Marinette: she just wants to talk i can handle myself

Adrien <3: Of course, I know you can.

Marinette: adrien

Adrien <3: Anyway, she’s headed over. I’ll let the others know so we can wait in the park and glare at her. It’s the least we can do.

Marinette: or you could go about your day as usual and not bother with needless interruptions

Adrien <3: We were already going to hang out, now we’re just coming by earlier. You can’t run from our love and support.

Marinette: You don’t need to do that.

Adrien <3: I’ll make plans that have nothing to do with that then.

---

Hug This Boy: So who wants to go to the park outside of the bakery for reasons completely unrelated to the fact that Alya is coming over to talk to Marinette. It’s just a coincidence if we go to check on Marinette afterward and maybe hurt Alya if need be.

Hug This Boy: Completely unrelated.

Patisserie Princess: Adrien.

Hug This Boy: It’s so fun watching the grass grow.

Kid Mime: o absolutly

Kid Mime: its so green

The Mom Friend: yep

Melodie: So fascinating.

Felix: Most definitely.

Patisserie Princess: …

Patisserie Princess: this isn’t necessary

Melodie: Well how else are we going to look at the grass that happens to be right outside your house?

Kid Mime: yea mari

Patisserie Princess: oh she’s here ive got to go

Patisserie Princess: all of you are to go about your day as usual

Hug This Boy: Wow, the next event on my schedule is ‘watching grass grow at the park that happens to be outside of Mari’s place’.

The Mom Friend: wat a coincdence same here

---

“Alya,” Marinette states, opening the door, “Let’s go to my room.”

She nods numbly, and the pair make their way upstairs, ignoring the glares from Tom and Sabine.

They both sit on the floor of her room, and they sit in silence for what feels like an eternity.

Alya breaks first.

“Mari- Marinette. I’m sorry. I was supposed to be a reporter and I didn’t even bother to fact check! I just believed her because I was so- so- so infatuated with her stories! She sounded so cool! She’d been everywhere and met everyone, and then… she hadn’t. It was all a lie. You were right. When the slides changed during the competition it felt like everything stopped. I couldn’t even process that everything she’d told us seemed to be a lie. Everyone apologized to you yesterday, and I should have the moment I knew the truth, but I wanted to process it first because… well I mean now I’m trying to avoid acting before thinking- Not that I’m suggesting that you made anything up, or something like that! I’m not! I just wanted to make sure I had all my thoughts in order. I’m so sorry,” Alya says hurriedly.

“You’re not wrong,” Marinette agrees, “You completely threw me out for someone you didn’t even know. The whole class hurt me, but Alya… you hurt me the most. More than Lila - sure, she tore me down enough that I was definitely in a bad place… but you?” she sighs, “Do you even- Alya, do you remember the first week of school? Do you remember Thursday? Can you just… go through it with me? How did we go from making plans to… that?”

Alya is tearing up, but nods. “I didn’t know anything was happening until I got there. Lila was sobbing hysterically, and she looked awful. A few of the class were already with her, and she said she had something to tell us, but wanted to wait for everyone. She said she’d already talked to Adrien. When everyone got there she said that she was being bullied. Regular insults, cyberbullying, attempts at isolating her, so much and it was all so awful. Afterwards, we were all obviously furious and spent at least five minutes convincing her to give us a name. All she managed was to say your name and then she started sobbing and wouldn’t speak anymore. Then class started, and you came in like everything was normal and just made me more mad, I absolutely hated you,” her voice cracks, “So when class was over we all confronted you. We thought you were lying, we thought you threw yourself down the stairs for pity points. We figured if Chloe was coming to your defense, then you must be a bully, and when you left and didn’t return we just took that as you running away. Going to start over in a new place.”

Alya is openly crying now, staying as quiet as she can.

“That’s not how I saw it. You know, to this day my memories of it are vague, and there’s like half of it I can’t remember period. I spent hours just dead, staring at nothing,” Marinette takes a shaky breath, preparing herself. That day is still the hardest part to talk or think about for her, even all these months later. “I went to school in a good mood, you know, because we’d talked for the first time in months and were making plans to hang out. Lila had been gone for a while and I figured that she wouldn’t be back and I could have more of a break. Everything seemed normal in class, I was worried about being late, especially with Adrien gone. Then class ended. You were yelling at me, maybe Nino too? I couldn’t breathe right, and I tried to leave. You grabbed my wrist and suddenly everyone was yelling, and then the door slammed. You were surprised and I twisted myself away, falling down the stairs. By then I’d realized the door slam was another person and I was scared, so I ran. Chloe and Sabrina found me in the bathroom, and from there I don’t know, but others have filled me in. Chloe brought me home and apparently took pictures. Then Maman must have had me go to my room. Chat Noir said he saw me on my balcony and I was completely unresponsive. He sent me to bed, and then it was the next day.” Somehow, Marinette manages to get through the story with minimal voice cracking and tears.

Alya makes a choked sound, more tears falling. After a moment she croaks, “Can I see the pictures?”

Marinette looks at her. “What? Why?” “I deserve it. I was the reason you fell and I need to see what I did.”

Marinette pauses. She didn’t intend to show anyone the pictures, they were obviously upsetting. She’s sitting on the counter, slumped and staring downward. She had expected her eyes to be haunted, or sad, or something like that, but they were just… empty. Nothing at all. Somehow it’s worse that way.

Her red-rimmed eyes and dried tear tracks are proof of her earlier crying.

Marinette is covered in fresh bruises, on her arms, legs, and the one on her face. She got scratches near most of them, the angry red of the skin outlining and accentuating the bruises. Her wrist is clearly sprained - swelled and bruised. Her Maman is in front of her, cleaning her up as best she can, applying bandages and putting an ice pack on the wrist.

“Are you sure? You don’t need to see them. They’re-”

Alya nods. “I deserve it.”

So Marinette turns the phone to her.

Alya covers her mouth in horror, fresh tears coming to her eyes. She won’t let herself look away. She flips through each picture repeatedly, growing more and more upset. Her expression changes momentarily, confusion to sickened understanding.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, “I’m so so so sorry. I never- There’s no excuse- I- I’m so sorry.”

Marinette takes the phone. Seeing the screenshots that Chloe sent, she winces. She still doesn’t like reading them, somehow the pictures of her are more bearable so she switches back to those before shutting the device off.

“Why?” Marinette asks, “What on Earth was going on that day that you thought I deserved to hear those things? I wa- n-need to know.”

Alya shakes her head. “There’s no excuse. I… I was having a bad day, and then Lila told us that Ladybug had sided with you and I j-j-just got so mad. It felt better than just wallowing in self-pity. You s-sent that text and I just u-used you as some sort of p-personal punching bag. I t-t-texted you for a while, and then Adrien, Chloe, and Sabrina showed up. I guess Sabrina grabbed my ph-phone when I was d-distracted with Chloe and deleted your contact. I sp-spe-spent the rest of the day mad at you.”

Marinette stares at a corner of her room, her voice soft. “I was at lunch. I was already having a bad day, and I had found out you deleted the Ladyblog so I was thinking about you and wondering where I went wrong and how much you guys hated me, which was honestly the usual, but moreso.” Alya barely stifles a cry. “I meant to text Allegra, but I’d taken the wrong phone to school. I made myself read each text, and it was everything I’d been t-telling myself, so that was…” Marinette looks away and takes a deep breath. “My friends found me, and somehow I got to the library. I don’t…. I don’t really remember much until I got home, and Adrien was there and I decided to tell them why I transferred.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Marinette shakes her head. “I didn’t have you come over so we could compare events. Alya, you were my first friend, my best friend, and you just… left me. I don’t understand.” Her voice cracks.

Alya reaches toward her slightly, then remembers herself and draws back. Guilt claws at her inside, and it feels like it is coursing through her veins. “I- always thought that you had deceived us. That you had somehow faked kindness and that Lila was finally showing us the truth. I was d-disgusted with myself for ha-having ever called you my friend, and I just wanted t-to d-d-do everything I c-could to make it up to Lila for it. I thought- I started avoiding you near the end of school because you seemed like you were changing for the worse. Then that first week back just seemed to prove it. I’m so sorry, Marinette.”

Somehow, something about her words angers the designer. She’d been doing her best to stay calm, but something in her wants to make Alya understand how she was hurt and hurt her back.

“Oh?” Her voice is scathing, and she fakes disinterest, exaggeratingly inspecting her nails. “See, to me, I felt like I was losing my best friend. I had been so sure that Lila’s threat to take all my friends away would never come true. I told myself that sure, we weren’t as close, but you didn’t hate me. Then I returned to school. Wednesday we made plans to hang out, do you remember? I was so hopeful after that, and then you were the first to turn. All of you just threw me out - do you have any idea how badly that messed me up? How long it took me to believe I was worthy of being cared about after that?”

Like someone watching their neighbor’s house burn in the night, Alya stares as Marinette continues.

“I still haven’t recovered properly! My anxiety is so much worse now, because come on, look what Lila did in less than a year! Who knows what could happen! A part of my mind is still constantly waiting for people to leave me again, and while I no longer believe it- thank goodness- actually no! Thank my friends, because they stayed. They cared about me, when I didn’t even care about me and I would never have recovered without them! So yeah, while I no longer think that they’ll leave me, there’s a part of my mind forever wondering ‘what if they do’. I thought I’d lost them before. You met them after an akuma attack and Lila was with you, and I saw them talking to you and I was so sure that they would find out about everything and then they’d start looking at me in disgust too, that I’d be forced to watch more people drift away, to lose people again, and then I’d be alone again! They didn’t even know what happened yet! They found me having a panic attack and the first thing I said was that I’d prove to them that I wasn’t lying! I was so desperate! I didn’t want to lose them too! And…” Marinette exhales, fury dying down and giving way to exhaustion. “Look. We used to be so close, but no matter what, that can’t happen again. There’s a rift now. I don’t hate you, and I’m not saying I never want to speak to you, maybe years from now, we could maybe be some sort of friends, but we can never be best friends again, if we ever were.”

Alya nods. “Th-th-that’s fine. I don’t deserve you. Y-you’re b-be-being too nice as it i-is.”

Marinette’s heart breaks. She wants to comfort her so badly, but she won’t lie, and she’s beginning to feel that maybe it’s okay to think someone doesn’t deserve her. She has value, and if people don’t treat her that way, then she knows who isn’t worth her time. She won’t agree with the statement though, that just feels too mean, and she can’t bring herself to say it to her face.

The two sit in an awkward silence for some time, interrupted only by Alya’s barely stifled sniffling and sobbing. Marinette grabs her phone.

Marinette: would you be up to talking with alya?

Adrien <3: What did she do?

Marinette: r talk went fine i meant for the way she treated u.

Adrien <3: Oh.

Adrien <3: Sure.

Marinette: well be on r way down

“Alya? I think you should talk to Adrien. The way he was treated at school is inexcusable,” Marinette says coldly. She flips up on the messages app as she turns off her phone.

The other girl nods shakily, and they head downstairs. When they reach the entrance to the park, it’s not hard to spot her group of friends. The five of them are out on the grass, chatting with each other. Marinette walks over to them, staring down at them. “Watching the grass grow, huh?”

They all turn to look at her, there are several cries of ‘Mari!’ from everyone but Felix who just remarks, “Oh yes, it is indeed very intriguing.”

She can see the barely concealed smirk on his face, and she just rolls her eyes. “Goodness, you guys.”

“How did it go?” Allegra asks, eyeing Alya warily.

“It went fine. She’s here to talk with Adrien.”

Adrien nods, standing to give Marinette a quick hug before walking with Alya to the other side of the park.

“...I feel bad. She’s so upset,” Marinette mumbles.

Allegra hugs her tightly, and Marinette can tell she’s scowling. “As she should, after what she did.”

“Still.”

“You care too much, that’s all,” Claude justifies, “Too much empathy, which isn’t the worst trait to have.”

“We can hate her enough for you,” Allegra growls, still watching Alya.

“She doesn’t deserve that. I don’t want her to hate herself for this, that’s not good.”

“Oh, ‘Nette. I’m sure she won’t hate herself, prob’ly just be pretty guilty for a while.” Allan reassures.

Felix adds, “Even if she did, it would not be your fault in the slightest. You cannot control what other people think.”

Marinette frowns, unconvinced.

Claude musses up her hair, earning an affronted squeak from the girl. He ignores her, saying, “Anyways, do you want to hear about the grass we’ve been watching? I swear it’s grown a whole one thousand twenty fourth of a millimeter.”

“Did you actually watch grass grow?”

“Well, that’s what we said we were gonna’ do, isn’t i’?” Allan teases.

Marinette shakes her head, sighing.

“Actually, it’s technically spring right now, how are you doing?” Allegra asks.

Marinette grins. “I’m back to normal, but in a few weeks? Once flowers start blooming I’m going to be a little hyper, so prepare yourself.”

“Wonderful,” Felix mutters, “Two Claudes.”

“You love meeeee!!” Claude flops towards him, teasing.

“I suppose.”

“So, is that from the same thing that makes you try to hibernate?” Allan checks.

“Yup! I really like spring! Flower crowns incoming.”

“I am all for flower crowns!” Claude crows.

“I’m guessing Adrien knows about this?” Allegra says, “He seemed to know something when spring was brought up, but decided he was going to be all cryptic about it.”

“It’s just more fun that way!” The boy in question returns, going next to Marinette.

“He’s not wrong.”

“Oh, of course you would agree with that, Claude.”

They bat their eyes innocently. “Why, Allegra, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Pfff. Yeah, you’re definitely the picture of innocence, buddy.” Allan rolls his eyes.

Claude gasps. “Allan! You’d betray me like this? Does our friendship mean nothing? Et tu, Brute?”

The boy puts the back of his hand on his forehead, falling backwards.

“Oh no! Claude feign-ted!” Adrien cries.

It takes a moment, but Claude is the first to get it, cracking up. Marinette just sighs wearily, soon followed by Felix. Allan and Allegra understand at the same time, the former laughing, and the latter groaning.

---

Author’s Note: How was that for a chapter? Originally, I was going to have her friends see the pictures, but it didn't quite fit in, and it wouldn't have led to anything big, so I dropped it.

Were you surprised there wasn't a strong language warning? I was when I was proofreading.

Hey, who wants to see the results of the survey? Do you want them later today or on Saturday (to give it a full week)? Also, there's some great extra responses from that bit at the end, so do you guys just want to see all of them or have me find some highlights? If you haven't taken it, please do, because I'm having a blast. Also, should I do another survey for a dumb debate like this, because I already found another great question.

(Can you tell I've been cooped up inside only leaving to walk the dog or get groceries? A little stir crazy here. My dog is just happy I'm home more.)

Regardless, I look forward to any and all comments you have for me! You guys make me smile!

P.S. I haven’t done a ‘things I’ve overheard’ in a while. I’ll probably post one soon.

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#miraculous ladybug #with time #fanfic #alya cesaire #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #quantic kids #ml felix #text interactions #apology #apologizing #alya screwed up #and she knows it #everyone stay safe #wash your hands #disinfect stuff #stay hydrated #I should chill #my mom friend is showing

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haloud · 4 years

Text

into the palm of your hand

@alexmanesairstream prompted: If you're still doing prompts, could you maybe do a malex fic where Michael (and maybe the rest or some of the gang too) learn about an ex boyfriend of Alex's from the military. Maybe he visits or comes up in some way.

here you go! it’s also on ao3, and there will be another chapter coming sometime later where jake actually makes an appearance! hope you enjoy ^-^

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Liz is the first person to tell him.

“When can you make it to the lab?” He asks, popping a fresh fry into his mouth. They don’t have anything in the works at the moment, but that doesn’t mean Michael doesn’t have ideas to bounce off her.

“Really just Friday,” she replies. “Will you be busy that night?”

“Nah. No plans.”

“Okay! I’d just thought you might be meeting Alex’s friend this weekend.”

“Friend?”

“O-oh, uh, yeah. Um, an Air Force friend, I think? We were supposed to get lunch, but he had to take a phone call, and I overheard them talking. Maybe an ex-boyfriend, even? Alex seemed to know him really well, if you know what I mean. I mean, uh—” her eyes go almost comically wide. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Sorry, I figured you knew…?” Liz bites her lip on a sort of wince, and Michael has to take a deep breath to brace his way through the twin waves of awkwardness and paranoia.

It probably really is nothing, right? He’s not a secret from Alex’s friends, at least, not his existence, even if they don’t know anything about him. It’s hard to tell your friends you’re dating an alien, sure, but it isn’t exactly easy to tell them you’re dating a mechanic with a criminal record. Michael wouldn’t blame Alex for keeping that part under wraps too. It’s already more than he thought he’d ever have to wander through the background while Alex is FaceTiming like he’s just part of the scenery, just part of the backdrop to Alex’s home.

Even if this person is a former boyfriend it’s probably still…okay? The thought doesn’t make it any easier to breathe, but Michael would never insult Alex by thinking he could be disloyal. He wouldn’t cheat, not Alex, that isn’t where the fear and helplessness come from, it’s. It’s that Alex might have been hoping to let this visit slide by without getting Michael involved because, well.

What if he’s just ashamed? Embarrassed?

So Michael tries to keep it light. He says goodbye to a nervous-looking Liz, and on his way home he brings back coffee and croissants on a whim, even, and like—is he really that nervous? That he’s thinking he has to sweeten the pot in order to get Alex to talk to him? He doesn’t want to be angry, not when things have been so good lately. But why would Alex hide? About this? What did Liz mean by friend, even

His chest is tight and squeezing his heart by the time he gets home. The content smile on Alex’s face as he breathes in the coffee and says a quiet thank you doesn’t make the pressure go away, it only squeezes him tighter, to be so in love, and so—worried.

“What’s the occasion?” Alex teases, pulling a still-warm pastry out of the bag.

Michael shrugs. “Had to walk past the coffee shop and thought of you.” Is that a lie? It kind of feels like one. “Um. But I did run into Liz.”

Slowly, so slowly that Michael thinks he might throw up, Alex puts the coffee back down on the table, folds his hands in front of him, unfolds them, picks at the flaking crust of the croissant, folds his hands again. “What did she have to say?” He finally asks, his voice hard, closed off.

Michael grits his teeth down hard to push back any involuntary sound. “Just that you had a—friend? Visiting from out of town. She just told me, I mean, I wasn’t trying to go behind your back—”

Alex sighs and scrubs a hand harshly through his hair. “Relax, Michael. I’m not mad.”

“Right. Why would you be? It’s just something you clearly didn’t want me to know and now I do so we have to talk about it even though if you wanted to do that you would have just told me in the first place. Speaking of which, why didn’t you?” His voice cracks the air, anger and hurt and the other things he was hoping to keep inside all spilling out of him at once, and he has to try and shove them back down his throat as quick as he can. “Fuck. Not that I expect you to tell me every little thing going on in your life. It’s just—"

“He’s not a friend. He’s an ex.” Alex stares into the middle distance. His voice hasn’t softened at all. Michael feels a bit like a monster for bringing it up at all.

“Oh.”

Blindsided, Michael blinks and rocks up onto the balls of his feet, then back down. It’s probably a bit selfish or petty or some other unflattering thing, but he hasn’t honestly spent any time thinking about the fact that Alex must have exes. He’s brilliant and stubborn and magnetic and gorgeous—it’s not that Michael hasn’t thought that other people would want him—it’s not like he didn’t spend half of the past ten years lying awake wondering where he was and who he was with. It’s just that he hasn’t thought about it.

Alex is looking down at his folded hands, a muscle ticking in his jaw. Carefully, Michael walks broadly to the side and sits on the couch beside him, leaving plenty of space.

“He isn’t here because of me; he’s been temporarily assigned to a project at work. We trained together and have similar skillsets, and the project needed more manpower. That’s all.” Alex’s voice is clipped and businesslike and…odd. Michael wants to reach out to him, to touch his wrist or hold his hand, but he isn’t sure he’s allowed.

“Uh.” Michael swallows and thinks of the right thing to say. “Are you okay? Are you okay with him coming? Is he a problem? Is he going to make things difficult for you?”

Are you okay? It’s the only question that’s ever mattered at all, and Alex is the worst at answering it.

“Jake’s a professional.” Alex closes his eyes, and Michael wants to touch him even more now. It isn’t pain in his face, not exactly, but an unhappiness in the line of his mouth. “That’s not fair,” he corrects himself. “Jake’s a good man. It’s just been a while and there are a lot of variables. New environmental factors, and I don’t know how they’ll react.”

The sinking feeling in Michael’s stomach hits rock bottom. “New environmental factors? Do you mean…”

“You’re part of it. And I haven’t seen him since I got hurt. Not because of it,” he says, eyes darting up, because the anger that burst inside Michael at the suggestion this fucker abandoned Alex when he needed him must have burst onto his face as well. “He’s…nice. We talked online after. But I haven’t seen him, and it’s exhausting wondering how every old acquaintance is going to act.”

Michael puts his hand on the couch between them as an offering, and he breathes a sigh of relief when, after a brief moment, Alex takes it in his own. He even pulls him in a little bit, so he can cradle Michael’s hand in his lap, watching their hands together instead of looking Michael in the eye. Finally, something softens a little in his face as he considers Michael’s calloused fingers and roughed-up knuckles, and he chances a glance up to meet Michael’s eyes, and he lets his shoulders drop. Michael takes a deep breath too.

They can do this. Talking? They got this. The muscles are stretched, now. Conditioned. It’s not like before, dumped into the middle of a marathon and told to run.

“I think Liz was worried I was gonna go full caveman,” Michael says lightly. “Is that something you’re worried about too? Because I promise I can control myself, even if he looks like a young Harrison Ford, speaks twelve languages, and promises to whisk you away to Caribbean or something.”

Alex’s head snaps up at that, and his eyes narrow, and Michael grins, hoping he gets an earful for betraying his unspoken promise never to speak of Alex’s youthful crush on Han Solo—or at least that he’s succeeded in lightening the mood a little bit.

It’s not exactly thrilling that the people around him seem to think that Michael’s a jealous rage waiting to happen, though he can’t totally blame them for the assumption. He doesn’t relish the idea of dinner and drinks and small talk with some guy Alex got close to--physically, emotionally--while Michael was pining and hating himself and digging up the desert. Not his idea of a fun evening, sitting across from some successful and handsome golden boy who’s served with Alex, who understands implicitly a part of his life that Michael never will, a living and breathing reminder that he’s a dead end prospect with a rap sheet and a spaceship that will never fly and Alex has for some reason hitched himself to that wagon anyway.

But he doesn’t want to be...that guy. And he won’t be. If it’s true what Noah says, if his home planet is a dead and unreachable ideal and Michael has to find a new life’s work, then his next most noble calling is being the man Alex deserves, and acting like a possessive loser is not the way he gets there.

Alex squeezes his hand reassuringly. “I don’t think the Caribbean is in our future, to be honest. I’d never be able to live down your tan lines. And technically Jake only speaks five languages, which is one less than me, so no worries there.”

“Does he look like Harrison Ford, though?”

“Not really, but he was Indy for Halloween one year. I think I even have a picture, if you—you wanted to see him, in case you recognize him around town…?”

The words seem forced through the dam of Alex’s teeth, but Michael takes them for the olive branch they are and nods. Alex gets up and makes his way to the shelf, where he retrieves a little box labeled with just the years of his first deployment, riffles through it, then comes up with the picture.

Sure enough, there’s Alex, grinning to show off his cheap vampire fangs, his arm slung around the shoulders of a lanky guy with a crew cut and a Party City-quality Indiana Jones costume. They look…happy. Though the picture still captures the dark circles under Alex’s eyes and his stiff, uncomfortable posture, his smile is big and genuine, and the tall guy is staring at him like he’s the sun itself.

Michael runs his thumb gently across the miniature of Alex’s smiling face. If you got in close enough to this Alex, you could still have seen the holes where his piercings used to be. Michael wonders if Jake ever asked him about it and if Alex told him the truth.

“Disqualified. He’s not wearing the hat,” Michael says.

Alex clears his throat and slips the picture out of Michael’s hands, busying himself with slotting it back into place. “Yeah,” he says, “I made him take it off.”

Michael’s breath catches. Needing to be close to him, Michael takes the box of pictures from him, puts it on the end table, and cradles his face in his hands, watching his face from as close as he can get, his heart pounding in his chest. Alex wraps his hands around Michael’s wrists and clings to him in return.

“Alex,” Michael murmurs, and Alex sighs, his breath washing over Michael’s face. He just holds him while he breathes for a little bit, knowing he needs it, knowing Alex.

“I should have told you,” he says eventually. His eyes are beautiful when they finally open, dark and barely shot with color in the warm indoor light.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide,” Michael says, and touches his lips to his cheek.

Alex drops his hands from Michael’s wrists to slide them up his back instead.

“I didn’t want to bring it up. There wasn’t reason, and…I thought it would be…I don’t know, cruel. Considering the circumstances that had me dating other people.”

Michael laughs a little bit and shakes his head. Alex. This will be a thing for their whole lives, Michael thinks, that Alex will be working on a need to know basis, while Michael is trying to gorge himself on every scrap of information he can stuff into all the slots in his brain labeled Alex. It’s exhilarating to be so mildly annoyed and to look at a whole future of it.

“I won’t say thinking about—all that time—doesn’t still hurt. But this guy, he was a part of your life when I couldn’t be. And I wanna know who you are, remember?”

Alex rubs idly up and down Michael’s back like he needs to be touching a new part of him every second, like just holding him wasn’t enough anymore.

“Tell me about him,” Michael urges softly. “If he’s gonna be around, I need to know if he was good to you.”

“Will you be disappointed in me if I say ‘it’s complicated?’”

Michael laughs and headbutts him gently. “Nah. You think I don’t know complicated? I spent the horniest years of my life working on a ranch with almost no supervision and then had to work with those same guys for like the next eight years.”

“I mean, he was. He was good. I mean, we’re still friends. But we’d both left people behind, and…I think we hurt each other. Trying to pretend. But he was good. And he’s important to me, even if we kind of fell out of contact.” Alex is quiet for a moment, his attention focused on his thumb stroking a freckle on Michael’s cheekbone. “He was my first. My first not-you.”

Michael takes a sharp breath, forcing his lungs to re-inflate after Alex’s words hit him in the chest like a cannonball.

My first not-you. Does Michael even remember who that was for him? The first person he touched in his life after Alex? It’s such a blur of pain and hiding somewhere deep inside himself, those memories are…buried. God it’s good that Alex had something good. Even if it rings off his nerves that Michael wasn’t…good enough to be that thing, not then, not there. That he wasn’t given that chance.

I would have been good to you, Michael thinks, the little and pathetic part of him curled at the back of his brain. He knows how to live with that voice, though, so he ignores it. And there’s enough, more than enough space left over for him to be grateful that Alex had someone, someone to help him through. Alex said they’d both left people behind—so maybe this Jake guy even understood, a little bit.

“Do you want to meet him?” Alex says, holding Michael a little tighter, the words falling over themselves to get out.

“Yeah, if you want me to. But you don’t have to. Seriously. I know I kind of freaked out earlier, but if you don’t want two parts of your life colliding like that, I do understand.”

There. Now Alex has a nice, safe out—which is to say Michael does, an out that doesn’t involve having to sit and wash in being an embarrassment to the successful military ex. Just in case.

“He asked me to meet him this weekend. I was going to say no, but.” He firms up his shoulders, and Michael gives them an appreciative caress. “But no. I think I should do it. And I think I’d like you to be there.”

“Then I’ll be there.” And Michael kisses him to seal the promise, a smile on his lips.

#my fic #alex manes #michael guerin #malex

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jackstoney · 6 years

Photo

My relationship with the “abusive wife”

Maaaaan this is gonna be a loong explanation, but with the recent shit that has been going down between her and her current husband, I feel like I have to speak up, just to give further context that this woman IS indeed very manipulative, if not straight up abusive… I can personally attest to it.

Now, I don’t wanna breach her privacy too much, because I feel like all people deserve at least some privacy, and i’m not sure if she’s ever said her real name on here, so I’m gonna refer to her as Mel for the remainder of this post.

I had been friends with Mel for over 3 years before we started dating. I met her when she was 14, and I was 16… for those 3 years we never really did much other than talk to each other and draw each other art, but we were still very close, and I never felt as if she was an abusive person whatsoever because she never really exhibited that type of behavior… all I knew is that she was VERY childish, but again, that didn’t really bother me.

March of 2017, I ask her to be my girlfriend… It didn’t happen right away because her mother wasn’t to sure of me, considering the fact that we were merely online friends (and she was also 17 at the time, only a month away from being 18) But eventually, we ended up as a couple on Saint Patricks Day.

A couple months pass, we’re staying up really late talking to each other pretty much every night, sending each other things in the mail, just doing regular shit that couples would do in long distance relationships.

In May 2017, her mother buys me a plane ticket to Ohio so that I could visit her for 2 weeks for her high school graduation, it was pretty much her “graduation present.” I ended up flying from California to Ohio all by myself to meet this girl who I thought I was in love with, but this is where things start to go downhill….

Mel was a very, and I mean VEEEERY clingy person. She barely ever left my side, barely ever let go of me in general, constantly wanted to kiss me, said “I love you” every 15 minutes… In the beginning this didn’t really bother me, but after 2 straight weeks of this constant behavior it became VERY exhausting.

Along with the clinginess, came her childishness. She was VEEEERY childish, despite the fact that she was 18 at this point, not 14. She had a stuffed dog named Andrew that she legitimately pretended was one of her best friends and constantly carried around as some sort of comfort, which kinda weirded me out because I would think that an 18 year old DOESN’T need to carry around a stuffed animal with them at all times. There was also the time when me and her went to Build a Bear workshop together and I made her a Rocket Raccoon plush, which I jokingly started calling “our son” because we made him together. Well, she got REEEALLY into that and pretty much turned it into a serious thing… that was when I started to feel legitimately uncomfortable.

I remember, for like the entire last week of our visit together, every single night in our hotel room i’d have to just lay in bed and comfort her because she would constantly cry about the fact that I was going home in “Just 1 week” or “Just 4 days” and so on. She had a hard time living in the moment and focusing on the fact that I was still there in that moment, and instead focused on the fact that I was leaving soon. Even though I loved her at that point, and wanted to comfort her, I couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed at the fact that this was a CONSTANT THING for an entire week… Just laying in bed, listening to her cry, clinging to me and not letting go for hours… it was just an uncomfortable experience.

About 2 nights before I had to leave, I had a panic attack in our room due to some personal issues, and i’m prone to anxiety so those tend to happen. Melissa wanted to hold me and constantly say things to me, but when i’m anxious those types of things do not help me AT ALL. I had to tell her multiple times in a shaky voice “Mel, when i’m feeling this way, the best thing to do is leave me alone and let me get through it”. Well… Mel didn’t like that very much. She began to breathe heavily, seemingly out of nowhere, and she said “I’m sorry Jack, I don’t know if this is gonna work out… I don’t think this can work” Then suddenly curled up into a ball and started profusely hyperventilating… I don’t like to sit here and claim this because i’m still not sure, but I feel like she was faking a panic attack to manipulate me… the whole thing seemed very forced. It was as if she had a fake panic attack just to turn everything around and make me comfort her… I kinda just had to force myself out of my panic attack (which didn’t entirely happen, I was still panicking) and tell her to breathe deeply, which somehow got her panic attack to end almost immediately… it was very fishy.

The day finally comes where I have to leave, of course she cried her eyes out in the airport, I get on the plane, make it back to california, yada yada.

But then… once I get home, she decides to send me this VERY long paragraph about how mad she was at me because she pretty much thought I was talking shit about her behind her back because I wouldn’t let her look at my phone. The reason I wouldn’t let her look is because, instead of asking, she would randomly try to peek at what I was doing and I would turn my phone away from her because I wanted her to respect my privacy. I ALWAYS respected hers. This caused me to stop talking to her altogether for a while.

When I got back to california, I was dealing with alot of life problems. I was constantly looking for a job to pay rent, and I ended up being very depressed for almost a month after the trip ended because I felt like life was going downhill… and I also found myself kind of ignoring melissa because she wasn’t making me happy at that point, and because of the whole privacy thing. I was only able to associate her with clinginess and annoyance because of what I had experienced in her presence. So, with that, on July 9, 2017, I broke up with Mel. but I had to send her voice messages to do it because I KNEW that if I did it over a call, she would freak out, hurl insults at me, and use her signature line “You knew what this was going to do to me, and you did it anyways!” basically manipulating me into feeling like the bad guy because I was having life problems and couldn’t even take care of myself enough to constantly babysit her anymore.

2 months pass, I end up missing her alot, and I message her again. I pretty much give in and act like the bad guy in the situation to get her to forgive me.. I literally cried my eyes out to her over the phone she was eating that shit up, hurling more insults at me as I cried to her over the phone how sorry I was. She told me that, after we broke up, I caused her to do the following things: -Use my Old Spice shampoo that I left in Ohio because it reminded her of me, but it ended up destroying her hair

-Burnt popcorn in the microwave and ended up calling the fire department because she was scared

-Acted like a zombie and started incorporating traits of my personality into her own, pretty much turning into a “Mini Jack” because she missed me

Just… so much bullshit. She’s the worst at coping with things and actively does things to make the coping process worse for herself, yet she’ll just blame it on the other person.

Eventually, things settle down, we become friends again, but… Dillon is back in her life, and she was thinking about dating him again. Yes, Dillon is her current husband which went missing recently.

Throughout the next month, she went back and forth between dating me and Dillon because she was indecisive… and eventually, I grew so tired of it that I decided to just break everything off entirely and tell her that i’m done dating her for good. That apparently sent her into multiple panic attacks and caused her to go to the hospital (or so she told me… most likely a manipulation tactic) and again just resulted to hurling insults as me… and so, that ended my association with Mel. I broke everything off with her entirely, didn’t even wanna be friends with her anymore. I was done.

Literally only a month after I stopped talking to her, she got engaged to Dillon. I had no idea that they had even gotten married yet, and I had no idea that their marriage was even going this bad… last time I heard, they were doing just fine together… Dillon was apparently the love of her life, and even Dillon was happy with everything.

Now, Dillon was never personally nice to me, so I was never that fond of him, but now realizing that Melissa has been possibly even WORSE to him than she was to me, causing him to want to run away without saying a word…. I feel his pain. Honestly I hope he’s able to escape the marriage somehow unscathed, because knowing Mel… she’ll probably do everything in her power to fuck up his life. She’s very petty in that sense.

Anyways, long story short, Mel is not a good person to be in any type of serious relationship with. I hope I was able to convey everything properly, and there are some things I left out of this because I don’t wanna completely destroy Mel’s reputation, despite her being an abusive person, and for the privacy of others as well. There is really so much I could say about her to completely destroy her. But just be aware, she’s not a good person. She has major problems… Actually, major is an understatement.

#hufflepuff-rave #abusive #manipulative

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calzonekestis · 5 years

Text

My Endgame thoughts in 3,160 words and 17,025 characters. Under a cut. Spoilers, obviously.

Really. Truly. The whole thing.

Well. I texted a friend as soon as I got out, and I told him “that was a very good movie peppered with lots of shit that I didn’t care for at all.”

I don’t know what I think about it. If it was good or bad. If I like it or not.

If you read spoilers but didn’t see it, and we’re mad, I get that. I was mad too. I wrote most of this last night, and I’ve had to go back and amend it.

Also, please check your Tony vs Steve bs at the door. I like them both to varying degrees. That said I take issue with Steve’s choices and characterization at the end. We’ll get to that.

The Tony fans at least can say their boy saved the universe. They’re going to be mad still, but at least he went out in the best way possible if he had to die. Which he didn’t, but... we’ll get to that too.

The people who will be mad the most? Cap fans. Sharon Carter fans. Black Widow fans. Thor fans. Iron Man fans, probably, won’t be mad so much as sad. Actually, no, mad, because they probably wanted a happy ending for him.

So yeah. Is it “bad” if it makes so many people mad? Or are they just choices they didn’t like? For me, there was a lot of that. There was also a bit of characterization I didn’t like.

I’ll say this though, because the Steve thing that has everyone mad? I’m mad too, but per their time travel rules?

Steve didn’t erase Peggy’s family. They still exist in our timeline. Steve created a new timeline for himself to go live in. We don’t know if he stopped HYDRA and saved Bucky in that one, but I mean, we can assume.

So everyone complaining that he let all that shit happen? No he didn’t. This is an alternate reality he’s living in now.

If we go by what they established about changing the past not affecting the present.

But then we have Joe Biden Steve at the end, so... unless that’s a Joe Biden Steve who went from his timeline back to ours once he grew old. Not a Steve that existed and lived in the past of our current timeline. Then it actually works without contradicting their own time travel rules.

IMO... they ignored/ruined his character arc... but due to their aforementioned time travel rules, Steve going to the past wouldn’t affect that the present that he’s leaving.

So he COULD stop HYDRA, find Bucky, prevent Howard’s death, warn Hank and Janet about the missile.

That would all be an alternate timeline though, and our Bucky would still be the Winter Soldier.

So yeah, they contradict themselves... and completely fuck over Sharon Carter in the process. You know Steve didn’t tell Sam who his wife was, because he didn’t want him to tell Sharon that after kissing her he went back to marry her Aunt thus creating an alternate timeline to live in.

That’s the present being affected by him going back in time. Your time travel rules suck, Marvel.

So the children and family Peggy had? They still exist in our timeline, but not the timeline Steve created. The reality Steve created.

Okay so they don’t explain it, so this is just me trying to make sense of it myself. They say changing the past doesn’t change the present you left from, so unless Bruce was wrong and they’re contradicting their own rules Old Steve can’t have been actually out there all this time.

So I guess even though he didn’t show up in the gear and with the time machine when we see him, he did earlier, and just went to wait by the lake with the shield to be all dramatic? He probably waited to return until his Peggy died, and then he returned at some random point maybe like a day before they planned to send him back. He knew they would be there, so he just waited in his old man clothes.

That’s all I can think of.

So retroactively?

They had Steve kiss his wife’s alternate reality niece. I like Sharon Carter in the comics, I like what little they did with her on film.

They did her so dirty in the MCU, in the comics Peggy is almost a footnote and just part of his backstory. Sharon is Steve’s true love. Whether you ship them or not, they made Peggy out to be a bigger deal than she is in the source material.

I’m not here for pitting women against each other, but... God, the only woman the MCU has done dirtier is Betty Ross. Who should have been there with her dad at the funeral. Acknowledge her existence, Marvel. Yes they’re estranged, but maybe say having her die made Ross stop being such a dickhead and realize what really mattered.

Calling Peggy the love of his life is bullshit. Yeah, he had a date. Had. He never made it, due to being frozen. I don’t agree that they loved each other, tbh. I saw someone say they each had an idealistic, at times unhealthy attachment... but not love. Frankly? That’s not wrong. They liked each other. It never developed into love. Not in the timeline/reality we followed for the past ten years.

If this was their plan all along, then why did they introduce Sharon as a potential love interest?

Peggy is his past, Sharon is his future. The Lana Lang and the Lois Lane, respectively.

They didn’t plan this. It’s clear by how sloppy it is. It’s just so haphazard and insulting to all the characters involved, and yet Evans seems to be on board with it which disappoints but doesn’t surprise me.

Sharon didn’t have much screentime in the MCU, but every moment she had was important to the plot. She was one of the only agents that questioned Pierce’s orders. She held Rumlow at gunpoint even though the odds were against her. She let Steve know where Bucky was. She gave he and Sam back their gear. A lot of her scenes in Civil War got cut, and she got screwed by making it an Avengers movie instead of a proper Cap film.

She also got screwed by fandom. People acted like known like fucking toddlers, all because she was getting in the way of popular ships. Emily Van Camp was terribly harassed online, people calling her Steve’s beard or that it was icky and gross. Evans even said it was icky, which wasn’t that supportive of him... and then...

I liked Peggy in The First Avenger, but Hayley Atwell’s lowkey/high key narcissism is known within fandom circles, how she turned on Emily Van Camp and Sharon as a whole and threw shade at cons and on twitter and such. That left a bad taste in my mouth where I no longer care for the character at this point.

And they complete ignore/regress Cap’s arc of moving on. The fact he’s not the same man who went into the ice which is something even Whedon realized and addressed when he had him snap himself out of his Scarlet Witch!Vision.

The line from TWS they sampled for the trailer about the world changing and none of them can go back?

That was a lie. What’s ridiculous is that is the same exact directors, same exact screenwriters?

“Some people move on, but not us?” Well in that regard he had, so fuck that.

Speaking of regression, Thor’s?

I’m of two minds. He had depression and PTSD, but in my opinion, that’s end result wasn’t what Thor’s end result would be. He probably felt like he failed his people, but Jesus Christ, turning him into the Big Lebowski... fat jokes...

He becomes king, half his people are slaughtered and then and then he just... abandons the rest? To drink and watch his friends play video games? That’s sad. I think Thor would have felt like he failed and be hurting, but still try to do his best for the people who were left and still needed him? Instead of letting Valkyrie do it and the at the end to officially giving her the burden of ruling and fucking off into space?

And then at the end, he *officially* throws the burden of ruling in Valkyrie’s hands. Not that she isn’t capable, but it isn’t and shouldn’t be her responsibility.

“He’s being who he is, not who he’s supposed to be.”

That would be nice if it didn’t invalidate his arc. He didn’t want to be king at the end of Thor: The Dark World either, but at the end of Ragnarok he accepted it and was at peace with it.

Also, he didn’t need the hammer. Ragnarok made that clear. I’m glad Steve took it back with the stones, and I know it was more Thor needing to know if he was still worthy after becoming Big Lebowski... but it wasn’t needed. They just wanted Cap to wield it, and for them to have something else blunt to hit Thanos with.

This is the easiest money Natalie Portman made in her life. I feel bad for my friend who is a big Jane fan, as it’s literally maybe 15 seconds.

Nice to see Pierce, Sitwell, and Rumlow/Crossbones back, even if it’s only for a flashback and they’re all still dead in our reality. Or it would be, if it didn’t make the latter two out to be dumb. I mean, Rumlow isn’t a genius but he’s not just a dumb meathead. He wouldn’t just hand over the tesseract, he’d bring Cap to his superiors to ask “yeah hey what the fuck?”

Also, having Cap say Hail HYDRA is just... gross.

...Alternate timeline/reality Loki has the tesseract. I guess he’s the one the Disney+ series is going to follow. He’s wiped of all his development, though.

Vision is still dead. I guess maybe Shuri will rebuild him? Or it will take place between Civil War and Infinity War

So Guardians 3 is going to be about finding the alternate timeline Gamora who is now stuck in this one, huh? And I guess Thor is now a Guardian, or he’ll leave them between movies?

The alternate Nebula, I’m torn on. I think they could have gotten through to her, and she would be willing to team up with him. and would be willing to team up with them to kill Thanos. She never told him where the Soul Stone was. I mean, that’s why she aligned herself with Ronan. To kill Thanos. She hates Thanos.

Her wanting to make him proud and earn his favor despite what he did to her is heartbreaking on one hand, but the loyalty, when it’s been shown she’ll be disloyal and desert him if someone promises to kill him... idk. Btw.

Nebula should have gotten to kill Thanos. I don’t care that Iron Man started and is their poster boy. I’m sorry Tony fans. She deserved it more than he did.

Something else I’m curious about... was Peter Parker’s entire class killed? Not just Ned, the whole class. MJ, Flash, etc.? Because his entire supporting cast doesn’t seem to have aged at all in the Far From Home previews.

Also you’re telling me that in those five years, May never confronted Tony? Or if she did, we never saw it? Boo.

Oh, another dumb thing. Banner. Hulk. Professor Hulk. We don’t see how Banner made peace with the Hulk and became Professor Hulk, that all happens offscreen which is so cheap. He’s also just annoying throughout the whole film, and treated as comic relief? Also, the uncanny valley was deep this time around.

I’d honestly rather Cap had died as well, rather than the ending he got. Rather, if old man Steve didn’t show up, and there was just a cliffhanger of him being lost in time? Which has precedent in the comics? That would have been great. Instead of the bad characterization.

I’m indifferent to Tony’s death, honestly. He could have retired and raised his daughter. He could have died. I guess it’s cheaper to just kill him off and not worry about paying Downey for cameos they wouldn’t be able to resist.

Okay, the other death. Nat’s. I don’t care for it, but it worked. When I say it worked, I mean her motivations and the fact she at least had some autonomy. It was still fridging. It’s gross. It sucks.. but at least it wasn’t exactly like Gamora’s where she was a victim. I mean, she is a victim. A victim of gross writing, but... I like the character, you’re killing the only female OG Avenger for angst and drama... I would have preferred it was Renner, but her reasons worked even if I didn’t like it. I do think it would have been even just as heartbreaking/tragic though, it Clint had to give up his life for the hope of getting his family back. A devil’s bargain, they’ll be alive, but you won’t be and won’t see them again.

I question the hell is the point of a Black Widow movie now. Why should we care? Don’t get me wrong I like Nat. I have nothing against self contained, one-off adventures... but... it will be a prequel that doesn’t develop the character at all or see her grow and it’ll be inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. It may be enjoyable, but do we need to see it? It’s the Solo situation.

Do we need to see how the character became the character? What purpose does telling her backstory now serve, aside from just making people sad? Do we see how she started so we can appreciate how far she came, though? I can already appreciate that. You don’t need to twist the knife by making her origin her swan song. They can’t bring back our Nat, but who knows. Maybe the next villain will be Kang, and we aren’t done with time travel. Maybe we can have an alternate timeline Nat come into our universe like we did with Gamora.

A timeline where Clint was the one to die. I can deal with that, if they give ScarJo the money. I guess.

SCOTT LANG SAVED THE UNIVERSE. Well, actually. Also, a rat. A rat is responsible for saving the universe. I mean I laughed, but we couldn’t see Scott get himself out? He’s still my boy.

He’s probably my favorite character in the film. Seeing him and Hope reunite in the end battle was nice and made me happy, the way they didn’t miss a beat and got to working together. Him trying to keep it together when he talked about losing her. The end scene with them and Cassie. The fact she called Cap “Cap” and they shared a glance. Sucks for Scott to have missed five years of his daughter’s life, through.

Also, it kinda sucks that along with the people brought back, they couldn’t bring them the likes of Frigga and Quicksilver. Yes, they died, but you can still revive them in the present. You don’t have to make it so they never died. Maybe Quicksilver will Maybe in the WandaVision show, especially now that they won’t have to worry about a competing Fox version. Introduce her ability to warp reality. He was rumored to have been on set, and so I was expecting to see him in a flashback at least. Alas.

SPEAKING OF REVIVING DEAD CHARACTERS THOUGH. Why couldn’t like, Carol, use the gauntlet to revive Tony before they sent the stones back? She could take it. He didn’t need to stay dead, except for the fact... you know... Downey is expensive.

Something I find hilarious?

The kid from Iron Man 3 is at the funeral.

That kid knew nothing about the film whatsoever, except for the biggest spoiler? Cause if they invite HIM back to be at a funeral scene... whose funeral would it be, that he would attend, aside from Tony’s?

Oh, and SamCap. People, calm down.

I like Sam, Sam is worthy of the shield, Bucky’s not quite in a place where he’s ready for it anyway. In the comics Bucky becomes Cap, and then Sam becomes Cap after him. They can reverse the order. Bucky can still become Cap after him. Sebastian still has four movies left in his nine movie deal.

I’m curious about the Disney+ show now though. If it will be retitled, if they announced a fake title ala Serpent Society for Civil War. Although. I have a fear.

I don’t trust Marvel and I can see them killing Sam by the end of the Falcon & Winter Soldier series.

And then Bucky will take up the shield. Mackie’s 40. Idk how much longer he’ll want to be doing this, and he’s said in interviews he had no interest in bringing Cap and would like to see Sebastian take a crack at it, that he likes Falcon being Falcon.

Maybe age isn’t a factor. Bettany’s in his 40’s. Cheadle’s in his fifties. Paul Rudd is an ageless immortal who claims to be fifty. None of those are physically demanding roles though, not to the scale of Cap. The closest would be Chadwick Boseman, who is a year older at 41.

Age aside, I can see them doing it. That’s kinda the shit Marvel would do.

“Yay! We’re so progressive! We’re making Sam Captain America to placate his fans before we kill him! We won’t do that *just* yet in Endgame, we’ll wait to kill the black guy until he’s done helping out this other white guy figure out his place in the world!”

Now I’m gonna be anxious about that for the next year or two.

But so I think the shows are for characters on the shelf movie wise. Idk if when the show is over, we’ll see Mackie as Captain America in Avengers 5. It would be cool, but idk.

I don’t know if they’re even thinking of Avengers 5 at this point, or plotting out things like Guardians and Black Panther and Captain Marvel. And Eternals. And all their new Fox characters.

I guess the new Avengers line up will be Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Ant-Man, Wasp, SamCap, and Spider-Man? Maybe Doctor Strange?

Wanda retires to TV. As does Clint maybe, to train Kate Bishop and/or his daughter. Rhodey and Banner are just around.

Also. Banner and Thunderbolt Ross, at the end. Ross and the Hulk. Both in the same scene. Neither acknowledging each other or having any interaction whatsoever. Odd.

I keep hearing rumors about a Thunderbolts movie tho, from someone who was accurate with all of their Endgame leaks. I wonder if they want Ross to be the Fury of that which is why they’ve kept him around.

Bucky recently led the Thunderbolts but also Zemo is so ingrained in their history and I don’t see them working together at all.

I guess you could bring in Bernthal’s Punisher by that point if you want. Elektra. They won’t do it but they could.

Ghost would be a good fit, tho I don’t wanna see her be forced to kill people again. I can see them forcing her to work of a sentence. If she’s still alive, cause God if she was snapped and went 5 years without the Quantum energy... but yeah.

Bring back The Leader as a villain finally. Crap, I’m plotting a fanfiction.

https://twitter.com/rogerwardell/status/1070465411387404289?s=21

Idk. I just. Am disappointed but not surprised tbh.

Everyone knows I don’t like MCU Clint, but the callback interaction between he and T’Challa with the latter remembering his name was nice I guess. The final battle as a whole was nice I guess.

OH. And the exchange between Dr. Strange and Wong about if he brought everyone, and if he anted more? Probably not the intent, but to me it just seemed like a big “shut up” to everyone wanting the Netflix and Agents of SHIELD characters to cross over.

Also, a final critique?

The whole fake scripts, not giving actors a script thing. I hate it. I know like Mark Ruffalo and Tom Holland are notorious for letting spoilers slip, but I legit believe that a reason why A LOT of the actors got fake scripts was not to prevent spoilers but to prevent any of them going full Ed Norton and throwing a fit about the quality of said script.

Not letting the actors know the context of the scene they are performing is not only disrespectful but it’s broken and what can you expect but performances where they’re legitimately incapable of giving it their all?

That’s all I got for now. I guess.

I know it’s a joke, “I loved everything except for the stuff I didn’t” but seriously? I enjoyed everything except for the stuff I hated. Does that stuff ruin the movie? Do I not like it because I’m petty, or because it’s bad? You can not like something, it doesn’t mean it’s bad... but I think certain choices... were bad. Were very bad.

Was it shit sandwiched with awesome, or awesome sandwiched with shit? Do they balance each other out? Your mileage may vary. I haven’t decided yet.

EDITED: I replied to this in another post, a point by @chujo-hime, but I’ll copy/paste it on here since more people are likely to see this than our conversation.

“There’s no point in doing BuckyCap now that they’ve fridged Natasha”

I can’t fault you for feeling that way, and I don’t entirely disagree. have a theory on how Natasha could return despite them saying it couldn’t be undone.

Do what they did with Gamora. Take a version from an alternate universe/timeline. Maybe one where everything is the same, except that Clint died instead of her.

Whether or not they do this? Doubtful. Unless with the money they’re saving by letting another actor go (ahem) they give it to ScarJo to lure her back.

I mean, they have Kang back now. Next to Ultron, he’s one of The Avengers’ biggest villains. He’s also a time traveler, so there are ways… idk.

I’ve still not fully processed it. Whether Marvel is smart enough or cares to take advantage of their out, they have it. If nothing else, fans can exploit it in Fix-It fics.

ANOTHER EDIT:

Oh, what was the point of Ronin? I don’t mean sad Clint, I mean Ronin, aside from selling more action figures? He wasn’t even Ronin, they made him into The Punisher Lite. Ronin wasn’t Ronin, but I mean Clint hasn’t been Clint imo so...

#endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame spoilers #spoilers #Avengers: Endgame

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1dreality · 5 years

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Why The Normalization of Stan Culture is Unhealthy

How a tweet about Ariana Grande made me realize the extent of harm this subculture has done.

Haaniyah Angus

FollowJan 27

The way in which pop culture is consumed in the 2010s is unlike anything else we have witnessed since the dawn of pop culture itself. Social media has created a hyperreality wherein the distance between regular individuals and their idols is slowly shortening, or at least appearing to. This is most obviously seen within ‘stan Twitter’, a section of Twitter dedicated to celebrities even to the most harmful lengths.

I want to make myself clear here: I don’t hate stans or stan Twitter. Throughout my teenage years, I was part of this subculture in various ways, whether it be K-Pop, One Direction, Justin Bieber, 5SOS and — ironically enough — Ariana Grande. Through ‘standoms’ I was able to meet people and make friends in a way I couldn’t in real life. I felt as if I were part of a community, that I finally belonged. But, as I got older, I realized the obsession I had wasn’t healthy, and that’s why I worry about the direction that many young people seem to be heading in. Their dedication to strangers in order to boost their own self-esteem feels almost like a car crash ready to happen and, for some, it already has.

But, though this is undoubtedly a phenomenon of the social media era, in order to understand what stan Twitter is and its origin, we need to travel back to a time before Twitter even existed.

Currently, on Urban Dictionary, a stan is defined as an overzealous maniacal fan for any celebrity or athlete, stemming from Eminem’s 2002 hit, Stan. In the video, Stan wants Eminem to make contact with him but Eminem doesn’t reply to his letters and, due to this, Stan thinks he has been ignored. As revenge, Stan ties up his own girlfriend, stows her in his trunk, drives along a rain-soaked highway and drives off a bridge. Eminem gets around to responding and says how thankful he is for the support, only to understand that Stan is obsessed with him and then, finally, to connect the dots and realize that he’s the man who killed his girlfriend.

What many psychological professionals would describe this as is a parasocial relationship. This is not a made up disorder nor an armchair diagnosis, but simply the definition to a relationship many people have with famous figures. Parasocial relationships are one-sided dynamics in which energy, interest and time are extended towards the object of obsession whilst they (commonly a celebrity) remain ignorant of the existence of the other.

But, though critics and think piece writers often frame them as a symptom of young people’s generational rot, behaviours such as this are not new in the slightest. Before the boom of social media, obsessive fans had existed for a long, long time — such as during the Roman reign, where people collected gladiators’ sweat out of admiration; or the Victorian era, when hordes of fans forced author Arthur Conan Doyle to revive his star character, Sherlock Holmes. The Beatles had a superfan plotting to murder John Lennon, Michael Jackson had to prove that he didn’t impregnate a stalker, and Uma Thurman received a card from a fan that had a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade.

This is not an exclusively Western phenomenon either. In Korea, this type of idolatry exists heavily within the K-Pop industry. Sasaeng fans are over-obsessive fans of musical idols, to the point that they engage in stalking. According to Yahoo Lifestyle, Korean idols have been filmed, had their phones wiretapped, and even had fans breaking into their homes.

What makes this new era of ‘stalker fans’ different, in my opinion, is the admiration that seems to be growing towards such behaviours. Today, even as a joke, the terminology of ‘stalker fan’ or ‘stan’ has been the latest object of amelioration — where a word’s negative meaning is elevated to a positive one.

Last year when culture writer Wanna Thompson received a hateful DM from rapper Nicki Minaj and decided to share it, the following backlash shone a light for many in regards to this behaviour. Minaj clapped back at a comment Thompson had made on her Twitter account and Thompson brought it to her timeline, shocked that a celebrity of that magnitude could do such a thing. According to an interview with the New York Times, Wanna received hateful messages via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and even email; including insults to her infant daughter and suicide bait. The majority of these hateful words came from stans, who seemed to have a soldier-like sense of duty to protect Minaj. It was as if they would do anything for their idol.

Though Wanna and Nicki’s beef was recent and particularly notorious, one could pick any of all the major stan groups and they’d find that they all exhibit this need to protect their idols from critique, even when it is valid. Which brings me to the point of this article.

We need to talk about Ariana Grande.

It was last week when Grande released her song ‘7 Rings’ and, as a longtime fan of the 25-year-old star, I was ecstatic. I loved the song and felt like she was finally blossoming into the artist she could always be. That was until it was rightfully pointed out to me that Ariana was walking along a tightrope that many young white pop stars toe — and often fall off of. Like many ex-child stars before her, Ariana was rebelling against her ‘good girl’ image by appropriating Black culture.

As stated by writer Erin Dyana:

Viewing her 7 Rings video after seeing her come up in real time throughout the years has left a bizarre taste in my mouth and I’m not sure if there’s anything that can cleanse my palate of it. The video has quite literally glamorized a trap house (something she wouldn’t know anything about) while she raps in an airy voice about buying weave, being rich, and having a “stacked” ass (a lie). These lyrics and visuals aren’t fitting and belong to a Black woman, period. It’s inauthentic and corny to me that she felt the need to cherry pick from Black culture to make something that’ll sell and get clicks.

As much as I love Grande, I couldn’t ignore this issue, which has plagued Black culture for years. The more I listened to 7 Rings, the more I understood why it made people, specifically Black women uncomfortable. While I wasn’t the most damning critic of Grande’s song, I immediately got pushback for suggesting that those who dislike it weren’t in the wrong. Historically white pop stars have been able to cross genres (pop to trap, in Grande’s case) while Black singers haven’t.

I was noticing that anytime someone dared speak about Grande, they were silenced by her fans and stans alike, even though some of the people criticizing Ariana might have disliked her already, or been indifferent to her, many of us truly loved her music. Though stan Twitter might have you thinking otherwise, critical consumption doesn’t negate enjoyment. I and many others are perfectly able to spot the problematic aspects of music, writing and film whilst still having fun with it. Critical thinking only makes our experience richer, and definitely doesn’t mean that we hate an artist for making mistakes.

The drama culminated when people noticed that Ariana herself was liking tweets defending 7 Rings, its music video and the genre choice. I find that, when celebrities try to defend themselves against valid critiques such as cultural appropriation, it does more harm than good. This self-victimization causes the stans to be even more defensive and thus lash out against anyone critiquing their idol. Grande seemingly felt attacked or felt that these critics — mainly Black women — were harassing her. Her fans didn’t just internalize those feelings as their own but, of course, felt the need to defend Ariana by attacking anyone who dared criticize her.

I probably wouldn’t be paying as much attention to this if I hadn’t been also a victim of the harassment her stans were dishing out online. What sparked it, you may ask! I had simply tweeted a ‘judgemental’ reaction image in response to Ariana’s Instagram story. In it, it seemed that someone had jokingly written in their Insta-story: You like my hair? Gee, thanks just bought it” *kissing emoji*!!!! white women talking about their weaves is how we’re going to solve racism. Grande then proceeded to repost that story, thanking the OP for praise, even though it was clearly a mockery of that line.

As I mentioned earlier, I’d already gotten pushback from Ariana’s stans, and I didn’t care if people got mad at me. I would have continued on not caring but, after that tweet started circulating, it got to a point where my direct messages started blowing up with fans threatening me and telling me to delete it or else. I didn’t pay them any mind since I felt that there was no reason to take their threats seriously. However, come the next morning I woke and saw that my Twitter account had been suspended. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had been falsely reported by stans in order to get the tweet taken down.

You see, Twitter’s reporting system is beyond repair. Reports are evaluated by algorithms, making it ridiculously easy for abusive accounts to skirt suspension by misspelling slurs, and even easier for ill-intentioned people to ‘game’ the system by mass-reporting innocent users. I only got a tenth of the backlash that Thompson received from Minaj fans and yet my Twitter account, a platform on which I had built a following of 12,000 and which held contacts throughout various industries was gone. Not only that but, once I tweeted on my new account that I had been suspended unfairly, stans started to mock me and say that I deserved it for posting that tweet. A tweet that simply reacted to a foolish post of Grande’s — which, mind you, she acknowledged as such and took down.

But why do these things happen? Why do hordes of fans maliciously attack critics? Why do ‘stans’ behave in such an obsessive manner? Some say that social media is to blame and that isn’t a completely ludicrous view. As stated earlier, stans existed long before the age of the Internet, but the anonymity and the mass reach of social media allow their harassment and stalking to be extremely harmful while sheltering them from consequences. You can’t get a restraining order against an anonymous person who could use various accounts to stalk you. If stans are harassing those critiquing their favourite celebrity, blocks may prove futile, as they could make uncountable new accounts, and online harassment may continue until the aggressors get bored or the target finally gives in and deletes their account, whatever happens first.

I want to be positive when it comes to stans, I want to say hey! let these kids do what they want and oh, they’ll grow out of it, but I’m worried it may be too late. These stans have projected their own self-esteem issues and insecurities upon celebrities that make them feel whole. I know this because I did this, and many of my friends did this. Maybe obsessive fanaticism is an inescapable part of growing up, and maybe stans will come across this article and drag me for it. They will say that I’m being extra and that I just want clicks but — while I do want clicks, that’s why we’re all here, right? — I am genuinely worried. What was seen as fringe behaviour before — the invasion of privacy, obsessive fantasies, aggression and possessiveness, absolute disregard for others’ wellbeing — seems to be expected now in order to be “a true fan”. I’m worried that this has become the new norm for celebrity culture, and that the popularization of ‘standom’ has cemented this behaviour for years to come.

Edited By: Andrea Merodeadora

#fandom culture #stan culture #excellent article on the phenomenon!!

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wildchildvdm · 5 years

Text

When you lose small mind, you free your life.

26.01 - 05.03

Two months ago.... everything changed since then.

I am sitting in my room while listening to this song with my headphones. I guess you are about to say “Hey girl, are you not too crazy for System of a Down? Look, you even named herself after Serj Tankian!”...

*Sits with crossed legs*

Come on, guys! Are you serious? I guess you don’t know me... But back to the topic I guess I am going back to run this blog, as I said I will run it in Italian when I am talking about my stories but in English when everything is going to be personal. I guess today I will write more...

Between January and today everything got totally changed especially on this day: January 26th. It was a pretty sad day I guess. I was surely happy to going to Gefrierbrand concert with Ninian, Daniel, Chris, Max etc... I thought I could be happy, y’know? Great bands, I really loved Dark Zodiak that day. Simone was a great woman and a truly sweetheart.

At least I had fun on this day, right?... I don’t think so.

I never liked Ninian’s companions. Most of them were really mean to me... But I was blind. For an entire year and seven months, Ninian didn’t treat me good. He was always accusing me, mind abusing me, making me feeling I am always wrong that I cry just for attention, that I exagerate and I am just mentally ill. I was just a dog who walked with an electric collar around the neck. I was just the lioness abused in a punk and junkies circus. I was mentally abused the whole time but at the same time I was blind, I smiled the whole time... Even when left me into the streets in the middle of the night. The streets in the city where I live are very dangerous, especially next to the train station when you can easily be victim of rape, especially as woman. Do y’all think is it right? And I still loved him even if he left me into the streets and letting me walking home alone. I loved him even if he was always insulting me and making me feeling like nothing. Was I maybe such a masochist? O just blind? He never showed interest on what I do, when I do music, when I write my poetries or my stories.

Back in that night, wherever I walked I always told him where I am going. I finally met Lucio from The Italian Way (Check them out), I met Michi and her husband Matthias, I met the Gefrierbrand with their girlfriends and wives (Yannick is a forever alone). And wherever I went I always told Ninian. I talked to a “friend” of his, of course Gefrierbrand started play and I told him I was going inside to watching the band and I ran inside. During the concert I didn’t saw him. I asked Chris, I asked Daniel, I asked Max... But this last asshole was wasted as fuck. When I saw Ninian I told him that I was worried about him. He told me he cannot do whatever he wants because of my clingy behaviour... Maybe did I something wrong, again? Maybe... But I was just worried. He was pissed off and I started to hurt my arms and bite them having a panic attack. He was pissed off and cold. When the concert ended I helped and I hugged Yannick, he is a friend of mine I guess? But he came to me: “I am going home” “Hey take me with you with auto!” what Ninian told me that night? “There is no place for you in the car. Just walk alone at home.” I was broken when he went away. I just remember Yannick’s shocked face and trust me I still remember his words “You are a sweet and smart woman. You deserve better.” not just him... Even Mrs. Argast (his mother) and Bibi (Tom’s girlfriend). I remember how I cried that night, I almost died during that night.

Before I went away I did a photo with Simone from Dark Zodiak. Here you can see how I felt in that moment: happy that I have at least a photo but in my eyes I was devasted about what Ninian did that night and about what Yannick told me. I asked myself “Is he right about it?” I was awake till 3 AM, listening to the music I love and wiping my tears. I just have to do it.

That morning I broke up. I finally break free from that abusive relationship and told myself that it’s time to really rebirthing and not how I told here a month ago. Yes, Yeva was born... But not at all. I remeber he started to turn himself in the victim trying again to abusing of my mind with words like “Are you no thinking about what I did for you? I bought you everything. I did everything for you... And now you put our love into trash, again?” if I think about this now I laugh my fucking ass off. If you call that love... I call that an abusive relationship.

I passed the other half of january and the first half of february alone. I think that during Valentine’s Day time it just happened a... miracle? I thought miracle were just on Christmas time. I had some panic attacks on that time sometimes just suicide thoughts (You don’t say, Yeva.) but that week before Valentine’s Day something happened.

I remember I sended too much friend request on my facebook account because of a group of alternative, punks, metalheads, gothic people etc... I forgot to see my friendship list where I found a guy dressed like a ‘80 rockstar. Just like he got out from a Steel Panther’s concert or just came in 2019 with a fucking time maschine like Back to the Future.

*Back to the future intensifies*

Tim. Yes, he is 8 years older than me! We started to chatting, we talked the whole week day and night. We did some videocalls through Skype, he lives just one hour from me, more and less. We decided to go on a date in a resturant here where I live. We already fell in love with each other during that week. I remember when he came home really elegant with 10 roses and red wine. I was surprisedY’know readers, we understand each other really good. He treats me like a queen, he listens to me, he is by my side and he makes me feel sure about everything that I don’t have to be afraid. On those last week I confess I cried, because NOBODY treated me like this. Sometimes I am afraid that I don’t deserve it, that I don’t deserve all this attention and love. I have been at his home last weekend and it felt so good by his side. I love sleeping in his arms, he told me that he cuddled me while I was sleeping for two hours. He caress me and takes my hand everytime, even when we are in the auto.

I met his group of friends: Jessi, Laura, Lilli, Miki, Ronnie, Uwe (an half german and half filipino mad for Tobias Sammet), Domi and the list goes on... They make me feel like home. I felt for a moment like that they will not like me, maybe because of my age. But I felt like home, really like home. I had fun and especially in the middle of the night we had some time for us. I didn’t drink much but I felt alive and I had too much fun with them.

Meeting his family last week was like playing chess. They were really cool with me and his mom likes me. I smile if I think about my boyfriend when he came to the bed and he told me everything his mom told him about me. I felt like home. Is this a new start? At least I can say yes.

We did each other some surprises but he did the biggest one... I remember once we talked about buying things online and he knew about that I have Serj’s book “Cool Gardens” and I had the luck to having it with his autograph but that I miss his second book “Glaring Through Oblivion” I remember when he told me to close my eyes and put the book into my legs. I was surprised and about to cry for a moment. I was surprised about it. I read always before bed while wearing his Immortal t-shirt (2-3 sizes bigger).

Beside this, knowing what his ex did to him I promised myself to protect him and if here comes the time that his ex comes back surely I will kick her ass. Beside the bitch, I am rebirthing, but still not complete. It misses something...

Getting out from those fascist home. Pull more toxic people who thinks I am stupid or that I don’t know nothing or that I am stupid. Just one more year and if everything is going well (Sure it will) I will born again and telling myself that I am free. But every weekends I am already free while lying in his arms. Because his arms are already my home.

Two crazy months I guess...

My life is going on a good way. I still in my bed listening to the music I love, thinking about the man I love and now I know that world is less bastard.

And you know what? In a week Goodbye Monsters have their very first gig! I can’t fucking wait.

SUGAR!

Yeva Tankian

#system of a down #diary #borderline personality disorder #personal blog #strenght #abusive relationship #toxic people #new relationship #boyfriend #serj tankian #daron malakian #shavo odadjian #john dolmayan #dark zodiak #gefrierbrand #books #support your local band

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