#love the idea of him having reeeeally long hair

[swallowedbymadness]

*.·:·.✧ forever, you and i ✧.·:·.*

Pairing: yeosang x chubby!fem!reader

Genre: dreamy smut/fantasy? yeah, we’ll go with that.

Summary: Lost in his own desires, you were everything Yeosang ever dreamed of, and he longed for a forever filled with you in it.

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: hi friends! I am back with another smut filled read for you all. This fic came to me randomly while at work when “Like Crazy” by Jimin came on, so now you get some Kang Yeosang love because my brain is hopelessly romantic like that. I’m reeeeally hoping y’all don’t come for me with this one lol anywhooo…18+ content, so please, minors DNI. Enjoy! ✨

Warnings: oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, some fluff sprinkled in there, angst? (Idk I’ll let you decide on that last one.)

Proofread: Yeah, but you know the drill. If you see a mistake, no you don’t.

There was something familiar about the scene Yeosang found himself surrounded by. Ivory sheets and an angelic glow were all that came into view once the blur of his surroundings started to fade.

Yeosang had been here before, but for some reason, it all seemed new to him in the current moment. Something in his heart told him this wasn’t the first time he’d been here, though. He caught blurred glimpses of someone, their small giggles filling the air around him as their full figure approached the bed he found himself sat on. He recognized the warmth his chest felt as his pulse quickened at the sight before him, his eyes now able to focus on the figure causing his breath to hitch. He tried to focus on their face, but everything was moving too fast and too slow all at once. A melodic hum of a song he wasn’t sure he knew filled the air around him, teasing him with a familiarity he couldn’t quite understand. It was like a sheer fabric was moving around him, his vision seeming to be in slow motion, like he was drowning underneath the metaphorical cloth that acted as a veil over his eyes as he saw glimpses of the silhouette move closer to him. He finally caught his breath, like breaking the surface of the deepest ocean as the fabric fell out of view, sending him back into the pillows behind him, revealing the figure before him, a gasp falling from his lips.

You.

You fell into view as your body now hovered over his, your hair framing your face beautifully, your body bare and even more radiant than he ever could have imagined. Once your eyes met, it was like a tidal wave rushing forward, stealing his breath from his lungs once again as he felt the love he had for you pour from his fingertips. They itched to touch you, feel you, remember the way you felt under his skin.

This was perfect.

You were perfect.

Yeosang had absolutely no idea what any of this meant. The only thing he was sure of were the emotions flowing through his veins currently as you held his gaze firmly, nothing but affection and adoration swimming in your irises. You leaned down and pressed your lips to the shell of his ear, your breath sending a shiver down Yeosang’s spine.

“I think that we could last forever…” you whispered, voice quiet and promising. You felt his strong hands grab onto you and pull you down on top of him. His heart began to erratically beat from within his chest as his eyes looked down to see your figure splayed out against his bare skin, sending a heat rush through his veins.

He wasn’t acquainted with the feeling of love, yet he was so sure that this was the closest thing he’d ever felt regarding the emotion. Everything about you was inexplicably divine, and he didn’t question it. He didn’t need to, because he just felt it.

This felt right — you underneath him like this, with nothing but raw emotion to bare to one another.

“I’m afraid that everything will disappear,” he admitted, playing with your fingers, eventually lacing yours with his and bringing the back of your hand up to his lips. Something about you, this moment, the atmosphere, everything surrounding you two was just so familiar, like he had seen it all before. The answers seemed to be on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t quite figure it out. When you looked up into his doe eyes, you could see the worry swirling in his dark eyes.

“Just trust me.” You sighed into his soft skin, peppering kisses into his chest. There was a hint of knowing laced between your words, unbeknownst to him. His eyes closed, another gasp leaving his lips as your mouth continued to praise his flesh without words. Your mouth trailed down his abdomen, your lips nipping at the sensitive skin on his hip bone. He didn’t feel an ounce of shyness when a pleasure soaked groan slipped from his lips. You suckled the delicate skin, leaving a beautiful purple blotch to freely bloom against his porcelain skin.

You wondered if it would be there in the morning. Would he be able to see it? Would he even remember if it wasn’t there?

You let the thought quickly drift away as you kept kissing all the way down, down, down, until you reached his rosy tip that was leaking, and aching for your attention. You looked up at him, a smirk on your lips as you took his length into your mouth slowly, jaw locking as you inched his girthy member closer to the back of your throat. You rested him flat on your tongue, letting yourself get used to the weight of him. You closed your lips around him, rolling your tongue along his shaft and slowly dragged along his dick with a satisfying pop once he was completely out of your mouth. You swirled your tongue along the slit, your free hand cradling his balls as you took him in between your lips once more, sucking a little harder this time to pull a moan straight out of him. You looked up at his godly figure as it began to sparkle in the light with a light sweat beginning to break out along his chest as it heaved euphorically above you. There was a moment where he looked down daringly and saw the twinkle in your eyes, tear soaked lashes fluttering as you took him so well. His eyes rolled back, his hand going to your scalp as he guided your head to bob back and forth along him, your drool dripping from the corners of your mouth. You groaned against him, the vibrations around his cock sending him into overdrive. He tilted his head back, a long sigh leaving him as he felt himself pulsate inside your mouth, your tongue dancing around him like a sacred ritual.

“Oh, shit,” he hissed, a wave of arousal moving through him. He shivered, the warmth beginning to pool in his abdomen, catching him off guard. He refused to let this moment end so soon. “not yet.”

He sat up and spread his legs, eyes staring into your bare figure with his arms reached out as an invitation. You smirked, eyes hooded as you got on your knees, your legs on either side of his hips and your wet core hovering over his leaking dick. He looks down between the two of you, taking your figure in completely, his fingers rubbing lightly up from your knees, your thighs, and over your sides. You felt a goosebumps form under his touch, his hands secured on your back now. His eyes locked with yours once more, completely awestruck at the sight before him.

“You’re…everything to me.” He confessed under his breath. He wasted no time before putting his lips back onto yours, the heated kiss taking over his senses completely. “This is gonna break me,” He sighed into your mouth, his tongue brushing against yours as his hands squeezed your love handles his fingers relishing in the way your body dipped and curved in all the right ways, so beautifully created by the heavens, he was sure of it. “Isn’t it?”

You didn’t dare answer him, but you weren’t sure if that question was truly meant for you or not. You felt the pang in your heart, knowing what came next, but you needed to play along, for him.

“Please, just let me feel your love tonight. I need to taste it, breathe it, drown in it.” You felt your chest swell with affection for the man before you, the arousal pooling between your legs from his words, the throbbing in your core beginning to make your mind hazy. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your chest at his eye level, but his irises only looked up into yours.

“Always,” you vowed, his lips dancing against the delicate skin between your breasts, tracing a path with his tongue. He held onto you firmly, eyes never leaving yours as he watched you sink down onto his throbbing member slowly. The stretch caused a gasp to leave your lips as your walls enveloped him perfectly. You leaned back into his strong embrace, his biceps flexing at the weight but he made it seem so effortless to hold you right where he needed you to make you feel like you were floating as he began to thrust lovingly into you. Your head leaned back, mouth falling slack as you freely allowed the pleasure to fall from your swollen lips in the form of drawn out sighs and whines.

“Yeosang,” You weren’t even sure what words fell from your mouth besides his name, completely lost in pure ecstasy that his cock was pumping into you, your orgasm beginning to brew in your abdomen. You saw stars dancing across the ceiling, lost in the lights as he moaned into your skin, your name slipping from his tongue as he desperately loved you like he asked to do. “Yeosang, please,” you begged, words spilling into the air surrounding you both. Your body was limp in his embrace as he held you in place. “I-I need more.” He took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking and pulling on the erect bud as he pounded into you harder. Your figure bounced within his tight grip, the sheen of sweat shining beautifully against your sticky skin.

“Oh,” his voice barely above a whisper as his breath hitched at how stunning you were unraveling right in front of him. The sight before him was breathtaking, your eyes shut and head tilted back towards the sky, pleasure dripping from your lips as he slammed into your soaked pussy, the lewd sounds your hips made while smacking together filled his ears and made his cock twitch within your rigid walls. You started moving your hips to match his violent pace that you had asked for, the buildup in your core becoming too much as you felt yourself about to burst.

“I’m gonna-” you didn’t even get to finish your sentence before you were cumming on his dick as it continued to assault your hole, his pace not slowing even as you screamed his name so loud you swore the neighbors would be pounding on the door any minute now. As he still chased his high, you knew he wasn’t done with you. He was close though, his thrusts became sloppy and rushed. His eyebrows furrowed, his bottom lip now sucked between his teeth as he grunted under his breath. He was so desperate to get there with you, his balls aching to empty into you.

“Fuck! Please…oh gods, please.” He chanted, his hands running up to grab a fistful of hair and the back of your neck to keep you in place, needing a grip on reality, onto something real. He ran the hand from your hair to grab yours. He put two of your fingers in his mouth, running the pad of his tongue around them before placing them between your folds, moving them to massage your swollen clit. “Come for me again, angel. I want you to spill all over this cock.” He growled, eyes glazed over and lost in the pleasure. You winced at the overstimulation, but you did as he asked of you. He leaned forward and crashed your lips together, your moans mixing into a beautiful symphony as you both came, the mixture of your fluids hot and sticky against both of you. He pulled out of your used pussy, leaving you to clench around nothing now as he fell forward into you, your chests coming together as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You held one another there for who knows how long, coming back down from your high and feeling the exhaustion settle into your muscles. Your cheek rested against his shoulder, every once in a while you placed barely there kisses to his porcelain skin, allowing the remnants of his perfume to fill your senses.

“Forever,” you ran your fingertips up his back, feeling the goosebumps form along his glowing skin “You and I...” you kissed up to his lips, yours pecking at each corner of his mouth before devouring his own once more. You held onto his face, the desperation leaking front the way your mouths moved fervently in sync. “But you have to wake up now…” you choked out, feeling the sting of fresh tears forming in your eyes. Yeosang pulled back and looked at you confused.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeosang, this isn’t real…” You confessed, killing the illusion and watching the realization wash over his face. That’s why everything seemed familiar. That’s why all of this made so much sense but no sense at all, all at once. His pulse quickened, the fear from earlier returning to the forefront of his mind as he realized he was becoming aware that he was dreaming, that you would not be there when he woke up.

No…

No, this couldn’t happen.

Not again.

“No, wait! Please. Don’t make me go back.” He pleaded, now understanding what this was. This wasn’t real, none of it was. It never was. But somehow, it felt like the realest thing he’s ever known.

“We will meet again soon, I promise.” You had a sad smile displayed across your features, reliving this moment every time. The agony of watching him come to and break from the spell broke you more and more each time. You knew this wouldn’t be the last time you’d see him, but you never knew when the next time would be.

You wondered how many cracks it could endure until it shattered.

“You always find me,” You stated, wishing you could break the illusion, change something in the cosmos, anything that would allow you two to be together forever. But, just like every other time before, your throat had formed a painful lump as a tear finally rolled down your cheek, the all too familiar pain in your chest growing as you noticed the tell tale signs that it was his time to go. He glanced into your eyes, not sure how to save himself from slipping back into the real world and far far away from his dreamscape. Before he could question it, the scene before him was pulling further and further away from his vision, black engulfing his peripherals. “Until next time, my love.” You muttered, accepting that fate had decided you would be star crossed lovers, existing on two different planes, but somehow brought together through your dreams. He reached for you, but you just sat there with a defeated look in your eyes, always hoping he would return again sooner than the last time. As you were ripped away from him, he realized why this felt all too familiar. This wasn’t the first time this has happened.

The simple tune sounded from his phone then, filling the room with complete dread. Yeosang sighed heavily, the ache in his heart growing when his eyes looked at the offending phone that ripped him from his desired reality. He pushed the snooze button on his alarm before rolling over onto his side, pushing his golden strands back and out of his eyes. He stared out of his window, eyes still a bit blurry from sleep. He felt tears on his waterline threaten to fall at any moment as he tried to get his brain to catch up to what was happening.

As the dawn began to wake up the earth, the morning doves singing their daily song and the plants dewy from the still morning, he closed his eyes once more to try and force his way back to you. When minutes passed and he couldn’t fall back into the reality that held you in it, he pulled the blankets up to his nose, allowing the tears to finally fall, ignoring the way his half hard member beneath the sheets ached for you, taunting him in the most cruel way while filling him with an all too familiar emptiness in his chest.

“Alone again...what’s the point?”

#ateez smut #ateez x reader #ateez x y/n #ateez x you #chubby reader #ateez fluff #ateez x chubby reader #yeosang #kang yeosang #yeosang x reader #yeosang x y/n #yeosang x you #yeosang x chubby reader #plus size reader #yeosang x plus size reader #ateez x plus size reader

[steponmepinkjun]

ASRA GETTING HIS ASS ATE BY GENDER NEUTRAL APPRENTICE‼️‼️‼️🗣🗣🗣

Yall wasted NO TIME going straight for the dirty 🤣 lmfao I love yall horndogs

RATED: 18+ ONLY 

Asra Getting His 🎂 Ate 😏 by GN!Apprentice 🍋

Position wise, definitely more of a 'laying face down on the bed, biting a pillow and grinding against the mattress' type.

That, or standing, back against a counter or wall, with one leg hooked over his partners shoulder (even though he won't let them do it for long unless they have a pillow under their poor knees lmfao). There's something intimate and naughty at the same time about having their face reeeeally all up in his business that way that really gets him sweatin'.

He won't ask for it outright, he actually is still a little bit bashful about the whole idea, even during the act.

Which is funny considering he has no shame loudly offering to eat his partners booty like some groceries, unprompted, in private or public lmfao.

Not ashamed to be noisy as hell, oh, at all.

If his partner can get a good view of his face, they'll find it flushed, glowing with sweat, with his lip between his teeth when he's not moaning their name (as well as other obscene praise)

He can cum just from getting his ass ate, with a little extra time and maybe some light teasing all workday long beforehand. But he's also more than satisfied with this act as foreplay.

You can tell he's about to cum when he gets a little bolder and grips their hair or the back of their neck, and this is when the reeeeal dirty talk comes out of him.

After that Post Nut Clarity hits, he's definitely gonna be more than a little shy about the XXX Nasty™ things coming out of his mouth only minutes before lol

#asra #the arcana #mine #my headcanons #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hcs #asra hcs #asra headcanons

[strongsassysexysloane]

Patience isn't Sloane's Middle Name

A/n: - So something got my new plot bunny juices flowing tonight. I will forever blame @regal-roni for it. Btw. Didn't edit so, sorry?

But I hope you all enjoy :)

Sum:- A little something when reader works undercover and the assignment goes longer than expected and time is itching closer to a very important date. No not that date.

When you took this assignment you had no idea what the costs would be. It's not like you hadn't done undercover work before but this time was different. This time you had someone to come home to and someone that would worry about you above all else. So maybe you did have some idea of the costs but this assignment was turning out to be longer than expected. You'd infiltrated the drug ring no sweat, having connections from previous undercover cases but the slimeball you were trying to catch this time was more devious than the others. He actually had half a brain.

What should've been a week, two at most, was now going into your fourth week. That wouldn't of bothered you so much, but next week was Jack's birthday and after the year she has had, more like life, you wanted to make it special. Her last birthday you'd taken her out for dinner but that was before you worked up the courage to ask her out. That happened a month later. And she may have been the one to ask you out, if you were being truly honest. Now it was nine months later, the best months of your life and you were lying in a wire cot with most likely bed bugs in the century old mattress, wide awake, wishing you were in bed with the love of your life.

She'd no doubt be wearing one of your old Navy shirts, but you couldn't breathe a word of that to anyone otherwise you'd be on the couch for a month, and those tiny light blue PJ bottoms to match. The thought and image made you smile as you closed your eyes and dreamed of her beside you.

The next morning was check in, you managed to sneak away under the pretense of getting coffee like you'd done almost every morning. Drug dealers still needed their go go juice. Usually it would just be a few texts or a phone call using a burner your partner left you at the table inside the cafe but this morning was a video call check in.

You instantly smiled when your work partner, Danny, popped up on screen looking like they'd hardly slept a wink but the smile wasn't for them. You could see in the shadows of MTAC a blur taking up one of the back row seats. You'd recognise that blur anywhere.

"Make it quick otherwise she'll shoot me later." Danny moaned, sipping their cup of morning joy.

You chuckled and saw the blur flick of her shoes and pull her legs up onto the seat, hugging them to her chest. "Got another run to do today and heard of a meet up this afternoon. Hoping Guzzler will be there. It's at..." You paused, looking at your girlfriend and then back to your partner on the tiny screen. "I'll send ya the time and address. High chance they'll be there and you better be ready. I'm ready to come home."

"I'll say." Danny agreed. "I'm ready not to be the go between." They rolled their eyes and looked over their shoulder. "I heard that grumble, Sloane."

You chuckled at their exchange. As much as Jack got along with everyone at NCIS, her and Danny were a different level. Not on fighting terms but she put a lot on Danny in these situations. "Thanks, D. I got it from here." You nodded at each other and Danny left the screen as Jack skipped up to the chair and the computer at the side of MTAC. "Stop bugging Danny, baby." Throwing in her favourite nickname softened the request. "I got this, they have my back and I'll be home in time to spoil you rotten."

"I'll hold you to that." You could tell she forced a smile. Her badgering of your partner was always because of your safety even though you were a fully fledged NCIS Agent with years of undecover work, she still worried. So would you if the roles were reversed, luckily for you, they hardly ever were.

You bit back, hoping to soften her worries. "Says miss I don't celebrate." You winked.

She sighed, leaning back into the chair. "I don't but I just..." She pulled her legs up again, hugging them close, resting her chin on her knee. You hated seeing her like this, everyone saw the strong faced Jacqueline Sloane but you were lucky enough to see her soft edges, the ones she hid from the world.

"I miss you too." You finished the sentence for her even though she was probably thinking of something else.

There was silence and you coffee got brought over. You both knew that time was running out but you couldn't hang up on her just yet. Not when she was like this.

"Dreamt about you last night."

That perked her up, dropping her knees and leaning forward with a slanted smirk. "Reeeeally? What was I doing?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me what you wore to bed last night?" You challenged, praying.you were right.

She laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear. She leaned in closer, looked over her right then left shoulder. "Your Navy training shirt and your purple boxers." She whispered.

You were half right and the half that was wrong you didn't care in the least. It was better than you prayed for. Closing your eyes, you smiled and it only got wider as you heard her laugh.

"Well?"

"You were laying beside me, doing your little purs through your half closed lips, your legs sort out mine for warmth and then I woke up to a loud smash of some idiot coming back late from a job." You opened your eyes when the image of Jack was replaced with the shadows of the night before.

"And here I was thinking it was something more R rated."

"That was the dream the night before." You winked, making her laugh again. It was your favourite thing to do. You sighed, finishing your coffee and looking at the time. "I gotta go. I'll talk to you tomorrow if not sooner, ok?"

"Miss you."

"Miss you too." You tried your best to give her a reassuring smile before turning the screen black. It was the hardest part of the job but someone had to do it.

To no one's surprise the meeting in the afternoon lead to nothing but a bunch more Intel for the DEA and nor Guzzler. This meant another night sleeping with your new friends, the bed bugs.

You were woken by a raid I'm the early hours of the morning. Apparently Mr Guzzler wasn't as savvy as the previous four weeks and slipped up later that evening on a DUI of all things. From the recordings from the meetings you attended over the past two weeks and the chit chat you listened into of an evening, they got him on many counts and you were free to head back to the office after you reported to the DEA and snuck out the back so no slimeball saw who you really were.

Walking in to see the orange walls was comforting after so long and you slipped down to the gym showers before going to see Jack. The quick rinse was enough and you slipped into your training gear and headed up to her office.

"I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be at work this early." You leaned against the doorframe to her office, her head snapped up at the sound of your voice.

She smiled, lifting her reading glasses onto her head, pulling back her long blonde locks. "It's only just hit 0730." She shrugged, you could tell she was hiding her excitement and instant urge to run into your arms like she'd done after every other undercover op you'd taken over the last nine months. Honestly it was the best thing to come home to.

"And?"

"And there was no one to cuddle so whats the point of sleeping in?"

You walked into her office, disliking the distance still between you. She hopped up from her desk chair as soon as you took the first step, walking around her desk and into your arms. You burried your face in her hair. "I missed you."

She hummed, tightening her hold around your neck, you did the se.around her waist. "Next time come.to me before you shower. Bed bugs and all."

"Clearly you haven't dealt with bedbugs before." You felt her laugh rather than hear it.

You stood there for almost ten minutes, just holding each other before you leant back and placed a kiss on her lips.

"I have a report to type up but after that I'm swinging by the Directors office for a quick debrief and I'll talk him into letting us have the next few days off." You smiled into the kiss that followed.

There was a cough at the door but neither of you seperated. It was the Director, eight months ago you would've jumped apart but four weeks without holding her in your arms, you weren't letting go and neither was she. "Morning, Leon." Jack smiled, resting her head against your shoulder.

"Morning, debrief in 20 Agent Y/N. Your partner has already requested your leave and Jack requested hers three weeks ago. Get the report done and you can both go home for the week."

"Thanks, Leon." Jack hummed.

"Happy Birthday, Jack." He smiled back at her and continued on his path to his office.

"three weeks ago, hey?" You squeezed her sides and she jumped up.

She shrugged seeing.your questioning eyes. "Thought I deserved some time off with my love for my birthday."

Your heart pounded and melted at her words. "You deserve the world, Jacqueline Sloane."

That got you a passionate, spine tingling kiss in return. The next week was going to be one hell of a catch up after the last month and neither of you could wait!

. . . .

Did I plan on writing a new fic/drabble thing tonight? Nope. Am I beyond tired? Absolutely. I apologize for everyone waiting on my other fic. I'm just really tired and working retail Christmas is exhausting, I have more midnight shifts this week 👌 bit if you'll forgive me for not updating that story I may have a drabble of such almost ready for Christmas day :) I hope that makes up for it.

#jack sloane #jacqueline sloane #jack sloane x reader #fanfic #ncis #ncis reader insert

[themandylion]

A Tale of Two Tims

(Have a thing I wrote up/shared on the Tim Drake Discord Server.)

Okay, but listen. Parent-trap type situation where there are actually two Tims, let's call them Timothy Jackson Drake and Timothy Drake Jackson. The one that first shows up/first becomes Red Robin in New52 is Tim Jackson—when he screws up and brings the wrath of Penguin down on him/his family, he does his own version of witness protection to hide his parents, then assumes the identity of his cousin, Tim Drake (who went to a dig with his archeologist parents over the summer; the whole family apparently died when their plane went down, all very tragic). It's going pretty good, the Jacksons were for all intents and purposes killed by Penguin's men when they shot up their suburban home. Tim "Drake" (actually Tim J.) is found to be alive! And taken in by local philanthropist, Bruce Wayne. At night, he dresses up as Red Robin, everything's cool.

EXCEPT! Turns out Tim Drake (the real one, the one we know and love from pre-Flashpoint canon) actually didn't die in that plane crash! He makes it back to Gotham, looking for his only relatives, the Jacksons (I'm thinking Tim J.'s dad was Janet Drake's brother and both Tims were named for a shared grandfather, btw). Only they're dead?? And somehow there's already a Tim Drake in Gotham, living as the ward of Bruce Wayne?? Tim D. looks at the photos and look. Look. He's not an idiot. He knows that's his cousin Tim. But he also knows that Tim J. wouldn't have stolen his identity without a good reason so he, like... puts on a fake mustache and some sunglasses and goes to talk to Tim J. who I am trying very hard not to call Jimothy

They decide that the best course of action would be to time share the Tim Drake identity. Tim D.'s always idolized Batman and Robin ("Wait, he made you Robin?! Tim, I'm the one who stalked them for years, this is so not fair!" "Technically, I'm Red Robin, not Robin." "You know what I mean!!"), he's down with getting a chance to be (Red) Robin sometimes! They have to do lots of secret training and junk to make sure Tim D. is at the same level as Tim J., even so they both have their own distinct styles (Tim J., the near-Olympic gymnast, is very flippy and twisty; Tim D. is more cerebral and a better detective; both of them are experts with the bo staff).

The Tims are cousins, but some cousins look very similar. Maybe they both took after the grandparent they were named after or something, idk. They're nearly the same age, almost the same height, and once Tim D. finally gets around to having his hair cut, their hair is the same also.

None of the Bats are aware that there are multiple Tims. If the Tim that checks on Mr. and Mrs. Jackson in Batman & Robin Eternal is Tim D., they're aware it's not their son—but they're also so grateful to see their sweet nephew who they were certain was dead! And he'd basically be their son now if it weren't for how their own Tim kinda totally screwed stuff up so now they have to be in hiding, oops.

Eventually, it becomes a challenge for them—how long can they keep everyone aside from Tim J.'s parents from realizing that there are multiple Tims? They make bets over who'll figure it out first, and when, and how. Supers might be able to tell that this Tim is not the same as the Tim who they met before! Better stay away from Supers for a bit. What if someone notices that Tim doesn't have the same scars?? There's a tense period where they seriously consider purposefully scarring each other in an effort to complete the illusion, before they realize that's crazy and they'll just have to shower privately/be very careful about medical stuff. Tims have to be careful and try to always wear gloves in the cave so that there aren't any contradictory fingerprints. ("Tim, how come you never do fingerprint ID on your phone?" "Uuuuh I just prefer number passcodes. *sweats nervously*")

Probably the biggest threat to the whole charade is that they both really, really want to pull an Epic Prank on Damian to get back at him for all the times he tried to kill them. But no, there's too great a chance it could reveal the whole thing. But it would be so glorious for a brief period of time—!

(This is where I point out that I have mostly ignored Rebirth so I have no idea about most details and am mostly dependent on stuff I've gleaned from Tumblr.) Which Tim was "dead"? Who knows! Probably the flippy usurper, though. This might also explain why Bruce was so ready to accept Tim's "death"—he knew Tim wasn't dead because Tim was right there! In the manor! Hiding out and pretending to be dead until Batman got to the bottom of the mystery of who tried to kill Red Robin! "Good job, sport, dodging the incinerating lasers at the last moment and tricking the drones into thinking they'd killed you!" "Riiiight, dodging... *sweats nervously*" (Tim D. is super-worried about Tim J., but he can't say/do anything or else the Bats will find out that there's more than one Tim!! Oh noooooo)

Neither one of them lays claim to evil future Tim—who isn't even aware of the existence of multiple Tims?? Clearly this future Tim is an inferior Tim, ugh, not worth listening to, what a jerk wait who's Conner that name sounds vaaaaguely familiar to Tim D....

When memories start coming back and such in Rebirth? That's all Tim D. There's gonna be some reeeeally interesting conversations when he finally makes it back and has a chance to sit down with Tim J. and compare notes. ("Wait, what do you mean you saw Kon? Didn't he get wiped from existence by that whole weird paradox thing where he couldn't have ever existed in the first place?" "Different Kon entirely. My Kon is a clone-combo of Clark and Luthor. Also, my Bart is an adorable dork with big hair, much cooler than your Bart. Sorry, I don't make the rules.")

Anyway. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk on how DC should have handled the sudden personality change between pre-Flashpoint!Tim and New52!Tim. *bows*

#Tim Drake #themandylion writes #my fic #headcanon #long post #Mandy's Two Tim Theory #Jimothy #is responsible for that one awful moment of claiming that you can't be made to do anything you don't want when you're mindcontrolled 😬

[gilmesc1]

Hiii. If it’s not too much to ask could we get a follow up post about kleptomania? I adored your system mates writing style, they seem so cute, and it was a good post. I guess for a question I’d ask what it feels like in the moment.

Omggggggg anon you’re too nice, I’m blushing, stahp it...but hey if you wanna send more praise I won’t stop you XD 

And no! You’re adorable, not me! Sorry I haven’t been out much XD 

Okie dokie, follow up post, yeah I can do that. So by in the moment, do you mean like in the moment of having a compulsive urge? Not like you can answer me so I’m just gonna go with that. Alright, fasten your seatbelts, keep your hands and feet and arms and generally attached things inside the ride, here we goooo

So I thiiiiink I mentioned how I like to avoid shopping because like there’s too much temptation. Cuz I mean, I love acting like a prick, generally dislikeable, liar, ect ect, buuuut I actually do feel bad after I take stuff, even if it is junk. Emotions be weird.

Anyways, as much as I try to keep myself out of those situations, it’s not like I can avoid a couple of everyday objects forever right XD

So! I don’t think I’ve ever actively set out to steal something, like I walked into a store planning to steal, like obvi I plan to steal eventually, but it’s not like I’m a master criminal. I genuinely have not really intended to steal something without compulsion, like ever. Ok wait that was a lie, there were these AMAZING chocolate covered pretzels I snuck down and ate in the dead of night, that was all pleasure and gain. Totally pre planned XD

Anyways, whatevs, getting off topic. So let’s just skip the rambling and skip to the part where I start to lose it! Kay so, for me, I have to see it to want to steal it. I mean, I don’t have a sense where I’m like, hmmm yes, there are paperclips in that drawer, I can feel them, like I gotta make contact with the object with the seeing balls in my face.  

And honestly the first emotion I feel is “oh shit” (I think that’s an emotion XD) cuz now that I saw it, I can’t ignore it. Literally my mind is going penpenpenpenpen or whatevs, depends on what I’m looking at. (Ok should probably mention that I have specific item triggers, like I don’t go outside and go, omg grass, must steal, it’s specific stuff.) 

Anyways, usually I try to ignore it, even though that hasn’t worked ever. Because I know it’s there, and after I’m like uh oh, I start feeling like, this is gonna sound weird but, this sense of longing. Like I wanna get closer, touch it, put it in my pocket, because it’s gonna feel soooo good if I can get the pen away from the schmuck without him noticing. At the same time this is going on though, I’m also saying, don’t do it, don’t do it, in my head except it’s not as loud as the penpenpenpen, because honesty time guys: I’m actually really ashamed of this stuff. If I’m questioned on it I’ll brag about stealing, cuz I don’t wanna be the wuss who can’t help taking stuff/lying.

(Oh yes, kleptomania AND compulsive lying, but don’t worry, I’m being totally honest now. Would I lie to you internet people :D) Anyways, I’ll sit there and sneak glances at the item, and if the pen is in a pocket or in the line of sight of something like that (there was a chick with a pen in her breast pocket. I get how that didn’t look good, but how am I gonna say, hey, chill, it’s all good, I was looking at the pen near your boobs, not your boobs!)

And honestly the more I fight it, the more twitchy I get. Like ho-lee fuck guys. I look like a chihuahua. Because I reeeeally wanna but also not but I gotta do it because if I don’t I’m a failure but also if I do it, and then there’s the rush, and it’s just a mess. And then I’m like, fuck it, and I go for it. What sucks is that after the years of practice, I’m pretty good at taking stuff. Like I tried not to wear pockets, gave up because pockets, but even without pockets I can get a lot of stuff hidden. So point is I usually succeed. Once I get the item, I’m on some kinda stealing high, where I’m waving it around, probably laughing like an idiot because it feels so GOOD.

It lasts about half an hour to an hour, and thennnn I come down. And then there I am with this random pen, and I’m like why tf did I do this. I’m shit, useless, I’m never gonna beat this, look how weak I am, ect ect. And then usually I hide it. I stash stuff eeeeeverywhere. Like if I was a squirrel I would have planted like an entire fucking forest. Honestly the only time I get caught is when people find my stashes. Because, like, having four staplers in my closet is just a liiiitle suspish.

Anywho, I heard that some kleptos keep trophies to look at and stuff, relive it and whatevs. No judging them, but I hide em to get rid of them. Like I get embarrassed and mad at myself. Like if I had a wormhole to dump it in, I’d be so happy. I used to hide stuff under my mattress or under my bed, but then i couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. If someone finds my stash I’ll laugh it off, but I really wanna yank on my hair or bite my hand, no idea where I picked that up but it exists now.

On rare occasions I’ll try to return stuff, especially if I knew the person I stole from, because then the guilt is worse. So that’s how it goes. This is a complete fucking mess but I hope you liked it? XD

I mean, thanks for giving me something to do today. I’ll cya guys arounnnd!-Ko

#Did #did #alters #system #ocd #klepto #kleptomania #kleptomaniac #actuallykleptomania

[merakiaes]

One For Sorrow - Sandor Clegane

Pairing: Sandor Clegane x Stark!reader, Ned Stark x daughter!reader, Catelyn Stark x daughter!reader, Stark!siblings x sister!reader

Requested: Yes

Prompts: None

Warnings/notes: Violence, cursing, death, changes in the timeline.This is reeeeally long so I haven’t been able to check for grammar and/or checking mistakes before posting, but I will once I get time. I also may have changed some details without realizing, so sorry for that if that’s the case! Also, Azar is a new character that will be introduced again in part 3!

Wordcount: 10438

Description: Prequel to ‘It’s Not Always True What They Say’. Takes place before and when meeting Sandor. 

“Tell me again why I have to wear this Gods forsaken dress?” You asked, glaring into the wall as your mother pulled at the strings of your corset. 

“You know why. The king is arriving anytime now and you are the only one who is not dressed and down in the courtyard.” She told you sternly, pulling the strings roughly causing you to curse. “And you will have to watch that mouth of yours during their stay, too. Do you understand me?”

You huffed a piece of your long hair out of your face. “You don’t have to act all strict with me, I can hear you just fine without that bitterness in your tone.”

“I tried being not stern.” Your mother remarked. “Three times. And yet here I am, dressing you like a five year old.”

You only rolled your eyes, letting go of the wooden pole you had been grabbing onto as your mother finished the last piece of clothing. 

You shifted uncomfortably, raising the right side of your upper lip slightly in distaste. “I don’t know how you walk around in these all day. The’re horrid.”

“Less horrid than those over sized breeches, I’d say.” She commented back as she started tugging on your hair from behind. 

You cursed as the comb got stuck in your locks, your direwolf whining from the bed, feeling his master’s pain. 

You gave him a glance, before turning back forward. 

“It’s not my fault you won’t get my clothes my own size.” You scoffed. “I have no other choice but to wear Jon and Robb’s old ones.”

“If you act like a lady during the King’s stay, I will give you clothes. Would you agree to that?”

Your face instantly lit up and you turned around to hug your mother, jumping slightly. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!”

“But you have to act like a real lady!” She repeated. “No cursing, no snide comments to any of the royal company, no matter how much they vex you. No pants, and most importantly, NO fighting!”

“I’m not wearing dresses for this whole week.”  You glared, letting go of her immediately. “The rest I can agree to.”

Your mother looked at you for a moment, before giving a curt nod. “Very well, no dresses. But if you misbehave in any other way, you can bid those new clothes farewell. Now come here.”

And with that, Catelyn turned her daughter around and went back to her hair, rushing it into a quick but beautiful northern hairdo, before they had to hurry down to welcome the King and his company. 

Unfortunately, your direwolf pup had to be left in your room, much to your dismay. 

You just about managed to get down and take your spots as the King rode through the gates. 

Your father gave you a look as you took your place between him and Robb. “Giving your mother a hard time as usual, I presume?” He snickered.

Before you could answer, your mother scoffed from his other side. “Would you expect anything else? She’s not my daughter, I’ll tell you that.”

You smiled widely, taking pride in having grown up to, truly, be your father’s daughter. 

Your conversation was short-lived as the king soon stood in front of you, causing you to put on a big smile and straighten your posture. 

“Your Grace.” Your father greeted his friend, bowing his head slightly in respect.”

Robert looked him up and down, face red and puffy from the cold. “You’ve got fat.”

Your father raised an eyebrow at this, looking the king up and down like he had done him only moments before, and you watched with a chuckle as they started laughing, embracing each other. 

“Nine years.” The king started. “Why haven’t I seen you? Where the hell have you been?”

“Guarding the North for you, Your Grace.” Your father responded. “Winterfell is yours.”

“Where’s the Imp?”

“Will you shut up?”

You heard Arya and Sansa bickering from the other end of the line, causing you to snort quite un-ladylike.

This in turn, caught Robert’s attention. He turned to you, the big smile on his face faltering for a moment as he laid eyes on you, only to widen even more than before. 

“My…” He whispered as he came to stand before you, reaching out to touch a strand of your black hair. “You look just like her.” 

You smiled sadly, knowing in an instant that he was talking about your late aunt Lyanna Stark. It was no surprise that you were a spitting image of her. 

“Your Grace.” You bowed slightly, only to be pulled into a hug as you came back up. 

You wrapped your arms around his thick torso in an embrace, smiling into his shoulder. You had always been very close to Robert, closer than the rest of your siblings, seeing him as a second father. 

He held you at an arm’s length. “Look at how much you’ve grown.” He enthused, before looking at you with a teasing grin. “I assume you’re still ignoring your sewing lessons and playing in the mud.”

You laughed, smile reaching all the way to your eyes as you nodded. “Yes, Your Grace.”

Robert smiled one last time at you, before moving on to your twin. “And who have we here?” He asked. “You must be Robb.”

As he went on to your siblings one by one, you let your eyes fall on the Queen who was just now exiting the carriage with her cubs, coming forward to let your mother and father greet and welcome her. 

Not being interested in the slightest of greeting her, you let your eyes wander along the crowd that had traveled with them, spotting soldier after soldier, one of which was the infamous Kingslayer. 

But, true to Arya’s word, the Imp was nowhere to be seen. 

The King and Queen’s oldest was, however, already complaining about the cold to his own personal guard dog. 

Only then did you allow yourself to look at him. The big man was towering over most of their company, dog helmet held under his arm and looking like a giant next to the whiny prince. 

You had heard many horrid stories about the man that was The Hound, many of which told about his horribly scarred face, but as you watched him from your spot, you couldn’t bring yourself to think of him as ugly. 

He was rather handsome, actually. But the scowl he wore on his face completely took away from that. 

He had this look in his eyes that made you wonder how many people he’s killed, but then he had this… scowl that made you realize he’d probably lost count.

As if feeling your stare, Sandor suddenly turned to look at you, half expecting you to look away when he did. But much to his surprise, you kept your eyes on him and offered him a smile and a curt nod. 

“Take me to your crypt.” Robert came back to the front then, talking to your father. “I want to pay my respects.”

You noticed the queen’s face hardening at his words, coming to stand behind her husband. “We’ve been riding for a month, my love. Surely the dead can wait.”

But Robert only ignored her. “Ned.” 

Ned glanced at the queen, before nodding his head and walking off with his friend and king to bid to his wishes, leaving you all to your own business. 

“Well, then.” You spoke, turning to your twin who had now been joined by Theon and Jon. “Now that this horrid experience is finally over, I’m going to my chambers to change into more… fitting, attire.” 

You threw a distasteful look to your dress, before looking back up at the boys. “Sparring in ten?” 

“I need to practice my shooting.” Theon nodded, agreeing to your idea. Robb and Jon mumbled out responses of their own, saying they needed to practice their swordplay. 

Rolling your eyes, you picked up your skirts, throwing a look Theon’s way. “As if you need practice. I do, however.” And with that you were off towards your chambers. 

But it wasn’t all that easy as Sansa and your mother made it out to be. Being used to walking around freely in pants and tunics, the skirts were for the time being your worse enemy, causing you to trip over your feet more times than you would admit. 

But you managed to reach your destination eventually, quickly changing out of the dress to your usual clothing, wasting no time in running back outside to meet with the boys. 

As you arrived, you found them all coaching Bran as he practiced his shooting. Noticing his stance, you called out. “Your legs are to wide apart.” 

The boys all turned to look at you as you reached them, Theon shooting an arrow to his own board right before. 

Bran frowned, letting his bow sink slightly. “I’m never going to learn how to shoot.”

You walked up to him, a comforting smile resting on you pink lips. “Of course you will, Bran.” You then proceeded to slap Jon and Robb’s ‘helping’ hands away from the younger Stark, taking their place beside him. “Here, I’ll help you.”

Bran nodded, raising the bow again and drawing the string back. 

“Good.” You praised. “Now, the first thing you have to think about is to not think at all. If you keep your string held back for too long, your aim will get ruined. The trick is to shoot at once when you’ve gotten the aim in.”

You pushed his bow down again. “Now, try again, and this time release at once.���

Bran frowned, skeptic to what you were saying but following your orders nonetheless. 

Raising the bow, he drew the string back, aimed, and released, watching as the arrow hit the board just outside of the ring that was the second away from the edge.

“See!” You called, ruffling his hair. “I knew you could do it!”

The boys all clapped and Bran’s face lit up in a big smile. He turned to Robb. “I did it!”

“I saw.” Robb chuckled back. 

Theon gave him and Jon a teasing smirk. “She’s a better teacher than both of you combined, I’ve always told you.”

The two brothers waved him away, and the five of you, later also joined by Arya, played around outside until the sun went down and signaled that it was time for the feast. 

You once again found yourself in your chambers, Bone, your direwolf, resting by your feet as you tried your best to braid your own hair at the end of the bed. 

Sansa had joined you for a short while at the wishes of your mother to make sure you got into your dress like promised, before running back to her own chambers to “fancy herself up for the dreamy prince”, as she had so nicely put it. 

Of course, you had done what you did best and called him a bitch, but Sansa was too high up in the clouds to even hear what you had said. 

You shook your head at the thought. You weren’t against love, you didn’t deny its existence like your family believed, but you weren’t overly fond of it either. 

During the time being, you could’t see yourself ever falling in love. The lords you had met were all spoiled and horrible, and the ones who weren’t lords were still horrible. 

To sum it up, most men you had encountered were either horrible to look at, or horrible to talk to. The men you had met and actually liked were either your brothers, your father, or Robert. 

“You are never going to find a suitable husband by being sarcastic and vulgar.”  Your mother had said to you once after meeting with a potential suitor. 

You had only glared, not being fazed in the slightest, and responded: “Alright, no husband then.”

You might have been very controversial, being adventurous but cautious and careful, logical but also a dreamer, fierce and outgoing but sensitive, mysterious but trustworthy, childish but wise, sweet but moody, charismatic but quiet, bubbly but a pessimist and ambitious but lazy. But one of the things you would never be, was a liar. 

Changing yourself to get a stranger to like you, was simply something you would not do. Not today, not in a million years. In other words, never. That’s just not who you were. 

You would never be able to put your hair into fancy styles like Sansa or your mother, but after an hour of cursing and tugging, you decided it would have to do, despite being completely oblivious to how it looked. 

Luckily, it looked alright to the outside world. You figured, anyways, taking it as a good sign that no one had looked at you when you walked down the corridors and to the feast. 

The people were already eating and drinking like there was no tomorrow once you finally arrived, meaning you had taken longer than you had thought to get ready. 

As you walked through the door and Robb spotted you from his seat, he voiced your thoughts, confirming your suspicions. 

“Finally!” He called out over the chatter and music, moving slightly to the side to make room for you between him and some man. “Where have you been?”

You huffed as you sat down, having a hard time keeping your skirts intact. “I had to put this on by myself, fix my hair too.”

Theon laughed from across you. “For taking such a long time, you didn’t do much with it.” He motioned to your hair with his chicken. 

Glaring at him, you reached over and snatched said piece of chicken, taking a bite. “I don’t usually do my hair up like Sansa and mother, though, do I?”

He held his upp in surrender at the heated glare you were giving him. “Fair enough.”

You didn’t say anything more after that, only pitched in once in a while to answer when Robb or Theon or somebody else spoke to you directly. 

Now, in any other situation, you would have been thrilled about all the food. But seeing as you in this moment was, in fact, stuck in a hot, itching dress, the glare never left your face as you ate and drank. 

After a while, Theon left with some girl, and Robb left to take Arya to bed after she had made a shot at Sansa with her food. 

Both you and Robb had laughed at the sight, but with a stern glance from  your mother, Robb had taken off and you had shut up. 

But seeing as your only company had now left you, you were bored out of your mind. 

You grabbed a flagon of wine quickly from a passing server, and stood up from your seat, proceeding to walk outside to find your half-brother who, as per usual, had been cast out by your mother. 

A dick move of her, if you got to say so yourself, but nothing you were bothered to argue with, seeing as she in the end always won. Them Tully’s never were good at listening. 

“It’s always summer, under the sea, I know, I know, oh, oh, oh. The birds have scales, and the fish take wing .” You sang quietly to yourself as you wandered outside, skirts and flagon in hand, seeming to be a little more intoxicated than you had thought. 

“I know, I know, oh, oh, oh. The rain is dry, and the snow falls up, I know, I know, oh, o-”  You  cut yourself off as you stumbled slightly when going down the steps of the castle. 

“Fucking dress.” You cursed, looking down as you tried your hardest to sort out the fabric with one hand to make clear way for your feet to walk, however seemingly failing miserably. 

“Your mother never teach you that women shouldn’t curse?” A voice suddenly came from in front of you, causing you to stop in your tracks which in turn caused you to bump into the chest of said person. 

There, before you as you looked up, stood Sandor Clegane, watching you with a hand on the hilt of his sword. 

You took him in, before remembering his words, going to narrow your eyes at him. “Fuck off.”

The man scoffed. “Are you sober?” He asked, voice clear of any emotion whatsoever. 

“I’m moderately functional.” You sneered quietly, going back to mess with the dress, not daring to take another step until you were sure you wouldn’t fall. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” The much bigger man grumbled in response, going to grab your arm. 

“Hey, mister, what do you think you’re doing?” You protested as he dragged you forward. 

“What’s it look like?” He grumbled again, keeping his hand on your arm so that you wouldn’t move as he bent down to pull your skirt from underneath your feet. 

“There.” He said, coming back up. “Now you can walk without falling on your face.” 

You glared at him. “I would have been fully capable of doing that myself.” 

“Didn’t look like it to me.” He fired back, clearly starting to grow more irritated by the second. 

“Well, you don’t look very well then, do you?”

This time it was his time to stare at you, eyes dark and emotionless. “Do you know who I am?” 

“Of course I know who you are.” You snorted. “There’s not many men in Winterfell with burns all over their face.”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

You raised an unimpressed eyebrow, leaning backwards to take a better look at him, although regretting it as you stumbled. 

You steadied yourself and moved your eyes back to his face. “I’ve had worse nightmares about my mother finding out I’ve been skipping my sewing lessons.”

He showed his teeth from behind his beard as he looked down at you. “You should be scared of me. If you would have known where I’ve come from, you would be.” 

You rolled your eyes and glared at him, something you found yourself doing a lot when under the influence of alcohol. “I don’t doubt for a second you’ve done horrible things, but the only people I’m afraid of are the ones who make me wear these damned dresses against my will.”

Sandor narrowed his eyes, truth be told shocked that you weren’t even flinching under his gaze, and that you would willingly have a conversation with him, despite the fact that the conversation in question was not rather pleasant. 

“Do you regret it?” You leaned forward slightly, staring into his eyes in a way you thought to be intimidate, but in reality was making you look like a fool. 

Sandor looked you up and down, lip slightly raised in distaste at the look on your face. “Regret what?”

“The things you’ve done?” You answered without missing a beat. 

“There’s no sweeter thing than killing.” Sandor responded without batting an eye, and even though you wouldn’t admit it, a chill ran down your spine at his words. 

“So you don’t regret it.” You confirmed, raising an eyebrow in question. 

Once again, the man bared his teeth in annoyance. “The only thing I regret, is having this conversation.” 

You scoffed. “You don’t have to be rude.”

“Don’t like me?” He asked. “Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck.”

“So dramatic.” You pouted mockingly, before moving to walk past him. “Well then, Ser, I’ll leave you to dramatically brood in your lonesome and go find someone else to converse with. Have a good night.” 

And with that, you started walking away, raising the flagon over your shoulder in farewell. 

Sandor watched as you walked away, but you didn’t get very far, the dress coming to tangle beneath your feet in less than a minute. 

“Dammit!” You yelled out, throwing the flagon on the ground to attempt fixing the mess once more. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Sandor cursed from behind you, and before you could even think of a response, he had taken you by your arm and heaved you up into his arms. 

“Let me down!” You ordered, wriggling about. 

“If you keep moving around like that I will, and it won’t be pleasant.” He snapped at you, causing you to glare and still in his arms.

“Fine, but at least let me get on your back. I’m not some damsel in distress who needs saving.” You huffed.

“Fucking hell.” The man cursed once more, letting you down on your feet and getting in front of you so that you could jump onto his back instead. 

“You happy now?” He snarled, putting his hands behind your knees so that you wouldn’t fall off. 

“Happier than before.” You muttered, letting your arms circle around his neck, causing him to mutter something under his breath. 

The walk was quick thanks to Sandor’s long strides, and you soon found yourself being let down from his back in front of the door that would take you to your chambers. 

You wasted no time in pushing open the heavy wood, Bone jumping at you almost instantly. 

“Hi!” You gushed, bending down to pick him up into your arms, letting him lick your face as you walked inside. 

“Will you be able to undress yourself without falling or do I have to do that, too?” Sandor’s snarky voice came from the doorway. 

You put Bone down on your bed and walked back over to the door, skirts held up to your knees now that you were inside and wouldn’t freeze to death. 

“If you think you are getting your hands anywhere near my underclothes with that attitude, you are terribly mistaken.” You scoffed, grabbing a hold of the door. “Good night, Ser.” 

And with that you slammed the door shut, leaving Sandor alone to mutter in the corridor. “I’m no Ser.” 

After getting out of your gods forsaken dress and putting more wood into the fire, you had gotten beneath your furs and fallen asleep the second your head hit the soft pillow. 

You slept peacefully, thanks to the wine, but your waking was a little less pleasing, also thanks to the wine. 

Your mother had, true to her word, gotten you the promised clothes as you had fulfilled your end of the deal. Well, apart from the swearing to the Hound, that is. But she didn’t need to know that. 

But although you were happy about finally getting to wear a pair of pants that wouldn’t fall off when you moved, you were less pleased with the way you were awoken. 

The second Catelyn had waltzed into your room to see you lying face down with a pillow over your head, she had only shook her head. 

She had taken no regard what so ever to your headache and nausea from the night before as she pulled off your furs and forced you to get into a bath to ready yourself for breakfast. 

But at least now you could wear clothes of your own choice, thank the Gods. 

To say you were in a foul mood after last night’s amount of wine was a big understatement. As earlier mention, food was something you appreciated greatly, but today, you didn’t even feel like eating breakfast, instead opting to go for a ride in the woods. 

Being used to your morning-after changes of moods, no one in the castle dared to look at you as you walked down the corridors and outside. 

Bone, sensing your mood, or lack there of, took it on himself to show his loyalty to his master by taking on the same mood, growling to anyone who looked at you. 

Someone who didn’t seem to have gotten the hint by your terrifying stare or Bone’s low growls, however, was the very Hound who had made sure you got back to your chambers safely the night before. 

The man looked up as he noticed you entering, only sparing the not so little pup at your side a glance. 

“Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning?” His voice came as you walked inside the stables. 

You didn’t answer, and for a second Sandor thought you might have been too drunk to remember your little encounter. But when seeing the familiar glare on your face, he knew you did. 

“What?” He grumbled as he saddled a horse. “No snarky remarks?” 

“Piss off.” You snapped finally, grabbing a saddle from the wall and going over to open the gate to one of the horses.

Sandor snorted, taking great pleasure in seeing you suffer after how you had irritated him the night before. 

“Don’t you have a breakfast to go to?” He voiced as he watched you get your horse ready, only getting a grumble in return. 

As you finished saddling your horse, you wasted no time in sitting up and steering the stallion out of the stables, speaking no more words to the prince’s guard dog, wanting to get out of there as quickly as you could knowing that the prince in question would have probably arrived any second. 

And while you weren’t really in the mood to deal with breakfast, or Sandor Clegane, you were not in the mood to deal with Joffrey Baratheon. Emphasis on the “not”. 

You’d never spoken to the prince before and you intended to keep it that way, while you hadn’t directly talked to him having heard him whine from a distance more times than you would have wished since his arrival the previous day. 

“Come on, boy.” You mumbled to Bone as you got the horse into a slow trott, letting him speed up into a galopp on his own, Bone running ahead. 

As you rode through the gates, the guards gave you a short hello, being used to you running away from gatherings like this to explore the woods. 

You’d think you would have covered the whole woods by now, but the woods that surrounded your home seemed to be endless. 

Not that you were complaining, riding alone through the thick trees being your absolute favourite activity on tired and pissed off days like these; it was your place to escape. 

As you trotted through the forest, you closed your eyes for a moment and breathed in the chilly air, just soaking in the moment. 

Bone was walking in front of you, sniffing on the ground and looking around. He was relaxed, in his natural habitat, but still ready to attack should you feel threatened. 

Almost a month had passed since you had found the direwolves on the way back to the castle, and Bone had already gotten so big. But despite him being the biggest out of the seven, you still called him a pup and took him into your arms every time you had the chance. 

But he didn’t complain, not that he could, anyways. You would never see him get as excited as when you’d gush him and give him that kind of attention. 

He was your baby. You had never realized that something was missing in your life until you got him. Now you couldn’t imagine a life without him. And if anyone even thought about hurting him, you’d kill them before he got the chance to do that himself. 

Two hours passed, and you had stopped in several places to check things out, whether it was animals, plants or simply admiring the landscape. 

But this time, you had stopped for something far more exciting than anything else so far. 

As you had been trotting around, Bone had stopped to smell something like he always did, but this time he hadn’t let it go. 

Getting down from your horse, you had found him pushing on a broken egg, a dead nestling hanging out of the shell. 

Your heart had broken at the sight, and you’d instantly started looking around for the nest, figuring it couldn’t be too far away as the egg looked to have fallen. 

After minutes of looking, you had finally found the tree with the bird’s nest. Luckily, it was a tree on which the twigs and branches started close to the ground, giving you easy access to safe footing. 

Less fortunate, the branches got sparser and more scattered after a while, leaving you less and less to climb on the further up you got. 

This left you not so far up at all, stretching your body as far as you could without falling, grabbing into the air to be able to reach the nest. 

But to no avail. 

You groaned in frustration as you gave it another go, reaching out with a strained sound leaving your lips, tip of your tongue peeking out. 

“The fuck are you doing up there?” You suddenly heard from beneath you, causing you to slip on the branch and come falling down. 

“AH!” You grabbed at the air desperately as you fell, trying to grab on to anything that could save you from a painful landing. 

But the feared landing never came. Well, not for you, that is. 

A grunt came from underneath you as you landed on the person who had dared sneak up on you, both of you falling to the ground with a thud. 

“What the fuck are you on?” The voice shouted as you stumbled to get up, them doing the same. 

Only then did your brain register the voice, and you quickly realized the victim of your rather rough landing was the one and only Sandor Clegane. 

“What are you doing here?” You huffed out as you managed to scramble to your feet, brushing off your pants. 

“What am I doing here? I’m heading back from a hunting trip to the castle with your father’s deer and I find you climbing a tree like you’re some kind of bird. What are you doing?” 

You crossed your arms, noticing Bone moving behind the man in front of you. You sent the direwolf a glare, pissed that he hadn’t made any sound to warn you. 

“That’s none of your business.” Turning back to look at Sandor, you keeping the glare on your face as you looked at him for a moment before going back to the tree for a second attempt. 

“You’re going up there again? Are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying?” He called as you stepped onto the first branch, pulling yourself up. 

“Take your pick.” You snapped back, going to grab the next branch, however finding that it broke during your fall. 

“Damn it.” You cursed under your breath, before looking at Sandor. “Come here.”

“What are you on about now?” He asked, irritated. 

“Let me stand on your shoulders.” You responded. You pointed to the ground closer to you. “Now.” 

“Fuck that. You can do whatever you’re doing yourself.” He snarled, moving to go back to his horse. 

You scoffed. “Fine.” You shifted your eyes back to the tree, looking for a good branch to climb. You reached up when finding one who looked thick enough, only to find that it was too dry, it snapping off as soon as you put weight on it.  

Sandor watched you with an unimpressed expression, and you could hear him grumble from where his horse stood, before your foot was suddenly grabbed and put on his shoulder. 

You glanced down at him, coming face to face with an annoyed glare. “Get on with it.” He snapped, and you did as told, pushing yourself up on his shoulders all while holding on to the tree for support. 

Sandor’s hands went to your feet to hold you in place, only letting them go when you pushed yourself onto a branch. 

This time you had managed to come further up than you had without Sandor’s shoulders, allowing you access to the higher branches, which in turn let you climb all the way to the bird’s nest. 

“Yes.” You cheered to yourself as you sat down on a branch beside the nest. 

In it laid one single egg, white with black specks all over it. It was bigger than the one on the ground, about as big as your hands put together if they were clenched. 

You furrowed your eyebrows. You had never seen an egg like this before, the one on the ground being slightly different. 

Picking it up, it was cold and heavy in your hands, but as you held it you could feel warmth coming from inside. 

You knew you weren’t supposed to take the eggs from their nests, but it didn’t look to have been built on for a long time, giving you the suspicion that this was one of the species where the mothers left their chicks in the nests to fend for themselves. 

“What the fuck are you doing up there?” You heard from below you suddenly, causing you to jump slightly in your seat, but thankfully not enough to drop the egg. 

“I’m coming down now.” You called out, carefully putting the egg in your hip bag, hanging it on a branch and moving it along as you climbed down. 

You reached the bottom in no time, the bag now hanging from your shoulder as you bent down to let Sandor lift you down. 

“It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did.” Sandor commented gruffly. 

You panted as you were placed on the ground again, swaying slightly. After steadying yourself, you grabbed the strap of the bag and put it around your shoulder properly so that it wouldn’t fall off. 

Sandor watched you from the tree as you went to your horse without a word, Bone at your heels. 

“What did you find that was so important you fell down a tree for it?” Sandor grumbled as he followed your lead, getting back onto his horse with the deer hung across the back. 

“I found a dead chick, so I wanted to look in the nest.” You answered, lifting the top of your back to expose the egg. 

He looked at you, aggravated. “I let you fall on me for an egg? A fucking egg?” 

You glowered at him. “It was no one’s fault but your own that I fell on you. If your head tells you it’s a good idea to sneak up on someone in a tree, you’re not very smart.”

He scoffed. “Blame that beast of yours, he’s not doing a very good job keeping you out of danger’s way.”

You rolled your eyes, looking at Bone who was walking calmly between you. “He likes you for some reason. Is it a dog thing?” You asked, earning yourself a glare.

“Shut your mouth.”

“That’s no way to talk to a lady. Don’t your spoiled prince discipline you before going somewhere?”

“Somehow you don’t even have to open your mouth to make my head hurt.” 

“I usually have that effect on people.” You let yourself smile for the first time that day, mocking him. 

Sandor noticed, scowling at you. “What are you smiling about?” 

“I think the better question would be why you give off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at.”

“Killing is the swe-”

“Sweetest thing there is, yes, I remember.”

He sneered, going back to look at the ground in front of him. 

The rest of the ride back home was quiet, just the two of you being annoyed with each other’s presence, so why you would willingly walk alongside each other, you didn’t know. 

But you guessed it was because you were, even though you wouldn’t admit it in your moody state, fascinated by him. 

You had always loved things that the rest of the world forgot. Snails and slugs and broken flowers; birds high up in the trees. 

That was the reason you had gotten along with Tyrion so well during the feast te night before, and you figured it was also why you felt so drawn in by the Hound; they were both broken things that the world had left behind.

However, they weren’t much like each other in the slightest. 

While Tyrion preferred to use his wits as a defense mechanism, the Hound was known for fighting and killing anyone who dared to look at him in the wrong way. 

And while you didn’t doubt that he had many lives on his back, you didn’t believe the stories of some of the things he had supposedly done. 

In your world, everyone has a story. A background. And if you looked deeply and closely enough, you could find meaning to anything.

And while you were in a foul mood this day, you felt attracted to the Hound, you realized, as you watched the side of his face. 

He was a handsome man, one of the most beautiful people you had ever seen, you’d say, despite also being the most complicated one. But you didn’t mind. The second you managed to calm your headache and the temper with it, you would make sure to get to know the strange man. 

He was a tangled mess of silky string just waiting for you to sit down cross-legged and untie the knots.

You crinkled your nose as the thought ran through your head, disgusted that you would actually think something so soppy. You were starting to sound like Sansa, and it was making you nauseous. 

No. That’s the wine from the night before. 

Sandor looked at you as he noticed you stopping your horse in the corner of his eye, watching as you fell down from you horse and vomited in a ditch, a disgusted look coming to rest on his face. 

“For fuck’s sake.” 

“It’s a Sweetling fowl.” Maester Luwin spoke as he inspected the egg. 

You had returned a little while ago, after emptying your stomach’s content in the snow and yelling at Sandor for bitching about it. 

No matter how many times you told him to go back to the castle, he wouldn’t, instead staying to complain about you slowing him down. 

Some piece of work, that man was. The thoughts you had been having about him only moments before throwing up, were gone in an instant as soon as he opened his dirty mouth. 

Leaving you annoyed with him. Again. 

Your mother had been waiting for you by the gates as you returned, and had of course, not let you hear the end of the fact that you had been associating yourself with the Hound. 

You had only walked past her, hurrying to the kitchens to grab an apple before running off to the Maester. 

Which left you where you were now, sitting in a chair opposite of him as he inspected the egg you had found under a candle. 

“A what?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed. You had read every book in the Winterfell library, and you had never heard about such a bird. 

“A Sweetling fowl.” Maester Luwin repeated, turning the egg around in his hands as he inspected it closely. “And the embryo seems to be intact.” 

“I’ve never heard of it before.” You confessed, coming to sit beside him to inspect the egg with him. A small shape could be seen on the inside as he held it up in front of the candle.

“It’s been extinct for hundreds of years, and even when they were alive, they would never be found in Westeros.” He spoke, not taking his eyes of the black and white shell. “Where did you say you found it?”

“In the woods east of the Godswood.” You told him, repeating what you had told him when coming to find him. 

“Strange.” He wondered out loud, looking at it for a second longer before handing it back to you and standing up, fetching a book from a shelf. 

“They’ve always been quite rare, especially in Westeros. They used to live in Essos, but they’ve been thought to be extinct for centuries.” He put the book down on the table, opening it up and bringing up a page that showed a drawing of one of the most majestic creatures you had ever seen. 

“You see its tongue and claws?” Maester Luwin pointed into the book. You nodded. “It uses its claws to open wounds in his enemies, and use its bristly tongue to insert Sweetling Blight into the wounds. The deadliest poison known to man.”

You took in the information all while you let your eyes run over the drawing to register the bird’s appearance. Its beak was long, and the tongue peaking out was just as long, if not longer, and you could see clearly the rough flaps of razor-like skin on it, liquid dripping from them. 

Next to it was a horse to give you an idea of its size, looking to be about as big as the horse, only a little bigger. It’s wings were big and folded onto its back, clad with thick, long feathers, and on it’s head sat two long horns on each side. 

“They’re usually a dark brown, bronze or yellow, and is known for their use in battle. But the last time anyone saw one in real life, much less in battle, was a long, long time ago.” Luwin spoke, letting his hand turn over the pages slowly so that you got a chance to skim through the information. 

“It’s beautiful.” You said as you let your fingers trace the drawing. 

“Truly majestic creatures. Their eyes is the most mesmerizing part, looking like a night sky. But they’re blind from birth, they depend on their hearing and horns. The horns work as a sort of a motion sensitive vision, letting them know what happens around them and allowing them to get around.” 

Maester Luwin turned to look at the egg again, shutting the book once sure you had gotten the chance to read everything. “It descends from the warmer parts of the world. It’s very unsure if it’s going to survive this weather.” 

“So the mother is probably dead.” You thought out loud, getting a nod in return.

“Yes, most likely. The weather of the North is harsh to a creature like the Sweetling. But there’s nothing wrong with trying, if you manage to get it to survive the cold, this could be the beginning of their rebirth.”

You nodded, looking at the egg in your hand with fascination overtaking your every feature. “How do I get it to hatch?”

“Like any other egg. Keep it warm, if it survives the development process, it will hatch.”

“Thank you, Maester Luwin.” You thanked the old man, standing up to kiss him goodbye, before walking out the room. 

The following days you had done exactly what Maester Luwin had told you, keeping the egg by the fire when you and Bone warmed up after being outside for a whole day, and wrapped in a blanket every time you weren’t able to take it with you. 

Arya had been just as fascinated as you were, but as she had been close to breaking the egg several times, you had started locking your door when you left. 

A lot happened after your adventure in the woods. 

Bran was pushed out of a tower, and had been in a deep sleep ever since. You had had your first personal encounter with Joffrey, and had been tormented by him on a daily basis ever since, something that was making you have a hard time controlling yourself, but your brothers to have a good laugh every time they were reminded. 

To sum it up, it was getting on your nerves. 

But luckily, as everything was going wrong and you were on the edge of exploding, the egg hatched, preventing this from happening. 

You couldn’t say that the chick was cute, because it wasn’t. It’s skin was naked and wrinkly, and its eyes were, despite being stunning, bigger than its head. But you knew that once it grew feathers and horns, it would look even more majestic than the one in the book. 

But of course, with your luck, the happiness was short-lived, your father soon telling you he would be taking the position of Robert’s new hand, and you would be going with them. 

You, Theon, Robb and Jon had burst into your parents’ chambers that evening, catching them stark naked in bed. 

But none of you were able to care about their lack of clothing or the probable activities they had been partaking in the moment before you stormed in, too busy yelling their ears off in a desperate attempt to get you to stay. 

But Robert had insisted. 

Forcing you to leave the home you loved more than anything behind alongside your father and sisters. 

Sansa was, seeing as she was completely head over heels with Joffrey, getting on your nerves just like everyone else. 

The only people not stomping all over your nerves as you rode down the Kingsroad, were your animals, and Arya and Sandor Clegane, seeing as you were still angry with Robert and your father for forcing you along. 

You had named your sweetling Azor, after the legendary hero Azor Ahai, who in the faith of R’hllor, the Lord of Light, thousand of years ago forged the sword Lightbringer to defeat the darkness of the Great Other.  ​

You hadn’t come up with the name yourself, of course, Arya being slightly more obsessed about warrior heroes than you. But it was a nice name, and it fit good to the dark bronze feathers he grew to get, reminding you of fire. 

You were currently sitting with your back against a tree with Arya, Bone and Nymeria curled at your feet and Azor perched on your shoulder, eating small pieces of chicken you were feeding him. 

Arya had moments before been crying as the Hound had killed her friend for offending the prince, and you had comforted her until she no longer cried. 

But of course, she was still heartbroken. The boy having been her first friend other than yourself. 

She sniffled as she chewed at her bread, patting Nymeria’s head and watching Sansa and Joffrey from afar. “I can’t believe she didn’t defend him.”

You grabbed Arya’s hand carefully in a comforting manner. “There was nothing she could’ve done, none of us could.” 

Arya turned to look at her. “But you stood up for me, at least you took my side. She just stood there.” 

You frowned. “Sansa is… in a phase, right now. You can’t take her actions, or lack there of, to heart.” 

Arya glared at her red headed sister from afar. “I never want to get married.”

“Then don’t.” You said. “I sure won’t.” 

“Father says I’m to marry a high lord. I want to be as strong as you, maybe he’d listen to me if I was. Or if I was a man.”

“You’re stronger than I ever will be.” You told her as Azar climbed down your arm to pick at the grass once there was no more chicken left to eat. 

“You’re young.” You continued. “You still have time to decide who you want to be. You can be that girl who wakes up with purpose and intent, who shows up and never gives up, who believes anything is possible and is willing to work for it. Those are the things you have to do to become greater than any man, and you certainly don’t need the help from one of those men in question to be able to do it. Because you’re Arya Stark, and you can do anything.”

Arya turned to look up at you, eyes sad. “Do you really think so?”

You smiled at her, squeezing her hand. “I know you can.” 

As the two of you turned your heads to look forward again, you spotted Sandor coming your way. You turned to Arya, seeing her put on a glare as she stood up. 

“I’ll see you by the horses.” She told you, giving you no time to respond before walking away with angry steps. 

As Sandor came closer, you stood up as well, brushing the dirt from your pants and straightening your doublet.

As Azar climbed back up your body to sit on your shoulder, Sandor reached you. 

“Your father sent me to take you to bathe.” He grumbled out, seeming to be even more cranky than usual. 

You raised an eyebrow at this. “Why did he send you?”

“Fuck do I know.” He snapped. “But he did, and we’re leaving soon. So you better hurry up.”

You rolled your eyes, saying nothing as you started to walk towards the woods where you knew the pond was. 

Bone went ahead of you like he always did when you went somewhere, taking the lead. As you walked, you glanced at Sandor, finding him sporting a frown instead of his usual scowl. 

“Are you alright?” You couldn’t help but ask as you turned your face back forward, despite the fact that you were beyond pissed at him for running down the boy and killing him, and despite the fact you knew he would probably do everything in his power to avoid the question. 

“I’m fine.” He muttered, voice gruff. 

“You don’t look fine.” You commented as you took another glance at him. 

This time, his scowl returned, eyes hardening. “Then stop looking.” 

You kept quiet for a moment, pondering whether you should keep pressing it or not, this being the first time ever he had slipped out any other kind of feeling than pure anger. 

You came to the conclusion that should you keep pressing, he would most likely turn back to his usual gruff self, but if you let it go, he might become more comfortable with you and finally open up in his own time. 

Being the impatient girl you were, you, of course, did not go for the latter.

Smacking your lips, you spoke up again. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Do you never know how to take a hint to shut the fuck up?” He turned to you suddenly, causing you to stop in your tracks. 

“I do. I just usually choose to ignore them.” 

“You better stop ignoring them before I rip out your tongue.” 

“I don’t talk that much.” You scoffed. 

“No.” He agreed. “But the times you do, you always find a way to dig into my head. You’re always in my fucking head.” He roared, knocking on his head for extra effect. 

You stared at him, eyes wide, not at all having expected the word spilling out of his mouth. You knew he probably meant it as an insult, but you couldn’t help but feel a tingly feeling shoot through your entire body as he spoke those words, staring you down. 

You were both quiet for a minute, before Bone came back panting, shaking his now wet fur all over the two of you and causing you to snap out of your trance, reminding you that you still needed to get cleaned up. 

“Get on with it.” Sandor told you bitterly, although much more quiet than usual, as you reached the water. 

You wasted no time in pulling off your clothes as he went around a few trees to give you your privacy, getting into the water as soon as you had dropped your last piece of clothing to the forest floor. 

It was cold, but not even close to how close it would have been had it been the North. You hated being in the water and hence had no problem with being quick, rushing to wash your body and your hair before getting out and drying off with the cloth your father had sent with Sandor, getting into your clothes as soon as you were dry. 

You didn’t say anything else to Sandor as you walked past him to let him know you were done, figuring he needed time to think alone seeing how abnormally much you had seemed to vex him this time. 

You got back to the party quickly, got on your horses and continued the road to the Capital. 

The second you arrived, chaos started breaking out as your father and yourself were dragged into the Game. You discovered some information and dug up secrets that turned out to be very threatening to the crown. 

During the time your discoveries were still secret, you managed to spend more time with Sandor, the man having a very fun time seeing you walk around being cranky about the dresses you had to wear all day. 

It was horrid, and you missed home more and more for every passing day. Luckily you had Azor and Bone to keep you company when Sandor and Arya weren’t around. 

Arya was mostly off practicing her water dance, and Sandor was off following Joffrey around. 

When he wasn’t though, you were always finding ways to keep the two of you busy. 

“Do you trust me?” You asked Sandor with a wide smile, looking down at him. 

“No.” He grumbled at you, waiting to see what you would do this time. 

“Smart man.” You sent him a teasing smirk, before speaking again.“Catch!” And with that, you flung yourself from the branch you were perched on and let yourself fall, skirts fluttering in the air. 

“Fucking bitch, why do you have to pull stunts like that all the time?” He yelled as he barely caught you, knees bending slightly at the force but not enough to fall. 

You only laughed. “I have to keep you on your toes, somehow, don’t I? What fun would it be if I didn’t?” You asked as you hurried to scramble out of his arms, running off, only looking back briefly to yell out, “Are you coming or are you going to stand there and brood all day?” before turning forward again. 

Sandor shook his head, with a glare but started walking after you nonetheless, armor shining in the sun. 

It had gone slow, especially with the Game being in full play, but eventually the two of you developed feelings. Or well, the feelings had probably been there ever since you first met, but it took a long time for any of you to act upon them. 

It started slowly, with small, lingering touches as you passed each other in the hallways or after dinner, and soon developed into stealing small kisses whenever you were left alone in the same room. 

The first kiss had been interesting, to say the least. You, being the way you were, had just gone up to him and kissed him one day like it was nothing. 

And him, being the way he was, had pushed you away and cursed at you, wiping his mouth as he yelled. 

But as you had kissed him again to shut him up, despite not yet kissing you back, he hadn’t pushed you away. And a few days after that, he had started easing into it, slowly but surely starting to respond to your movements as you pressed your lips to his. 

Then he started distancing himself from you, leaving you bitter and impatient as he avoided you to every cost. 

When you had finally been able to catch him alone and dragged into your empty chambers, you had had your first fight. 

“I don’t see the problem! I thought you wanted me as I wanted you!” 

“That is the problem!” He yelled. “You want me. I’m sworn to serve the Lannisters until the day I die. I’m the Hound, a killer, I’m no man for you to be with! You should be married to some lord by now!”

“It’s not like I can just shut of my feelings, Sandor! I don’t want a high lord, I want you!” 

“See, there’s the problem again! Why do you keep saying that sappy shit? You just had to be your stupid little self and fall in love with a killer, didn’t you?!”

“I am not sappy! I never thought I’d be in love, I never thought I’d have the same thoughts about somebody like Sansa did about Joffrey, but I was wrong!” You began, not letting him get another word in as you ranted. 

“And I didn’t fall in  love with you, I walked in love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I don’t believe in fate and destiny, but I believe we are fated to do the things that we choose. And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you!”

The second you were done, Sandor had for the first time taken the first step to kiss you, capturing your lips heatedly and roughly. The kiss let you both get out every single feeling your were feeling in that moment. 

That was the first time the two of you slept together. 

And although you might think it was as rough as the front Sandor put on, it wasn’t even close to it. Every single minute of the time you spent together that night was filled with one thing and one thing only; complete and utter infatuation. 

After that, Sandor started being more outgoing about his feelings towards you, one of those moments being when a man had approached you during a feast, trying his best to talk you up and cup a feel. 

Sandor, having had enough when the man finally managed to get a feel of your bottom through your dress, had marched up to him and yanked his hand so hard you were surprised it didn’t pop out of its socket. 

“Put your hand on her one more time and I will rip it off and beat you to death with it.”

He had said to him, sending the man away with fear shaking his body. Sandor wanted to stay with you, so bad, but as he was still on duty, he returned to his post at once to avoid anyone seeing the exchange. 

Luckily for the two of you, none of the Lannister had witnessed the scene, but your father had. 

And ever since, he had been less cautious around the Hound. He hadn’t seen a smile on your face since before you left Winterfell, and it pained him deeply that he was part of the reason why. This led him to give Sandor reasons to leave as often as he could so that he could go be with you. 

You knew your father like the back of your own hand, as he did you. You didn’t need to speak of it for you to know what he was doing, and for him to know that you knew. 

Just like the situation with Jon being an actual Targaryen. 

Your father would always glance at you in a certain way when planning to send Sandor out on his own, and every time you waited outside the throne room, catching Sandor’s arm and dragging him away as soon as he was out of view of the people inside. 

Sansa witnessed you running off with Sandor on multiple occasions, and although she had to admit she was quite skeptic at first, she soon seemed to realize the same thing that your father had: you loved each other. 

Arya knew this, of course, the little girl being the only one you had told willingly, knowing you could trust her. She didn’t like it one bit, having hated the man ever since he had killed her friend. But she accepted it, because she had never seen you this happy. 

But the Game evolved. 

The crown found out of your father’s discovery and locked him up for treason. 

Eventually, they found out that you had been apart of it, and was about to send you to join him, when Joffrey changed his mind and wanted to have you married to his Hound instead, seeing it a more torturous punishment. 

But it was the only good thing that came out of it, as you now got to spend every night with the man you had grown to love. 

In the same span of time as your father was locked up, and you were married to Sandor, Joffrey and Cersei sent out goldcloaks to search for Arya, who had luckily managed to get away with Nymeria and Azar, both the wolf and the bird having grown quite lot by this point. 

You had begged Sandor to come with you and Arya once you started your plan to escape, but he refused, saying this was the reason why you shouldn’t have fallen in love with him. 

The night you were planning your escape, you found out you were with babe. And that only made it harder to leave him behind. 

But even though it pained you greatly, you did what you saw was best in that moment and wrote Sandor a note, leaving it on the bed, before changing into your beloved pants and tunic, and sneaking out of the Red Keep.

You tracked down Arya in Flea Bottom, finding her in the far back of the crowd as your father was about to be executed. 

You had looked at him as he was lead up to the stage, and as if feeling your gaze, he had turned to you. 

“Winter is coming.” He spoke as he looked into your eyes, giving you a nod as he was bent down by the guards. You heard him loud and clear even though the crowd’s yells should have prevented you from hearing anything at all. 

You couldn’t look on any longer, and advised Arya from doing so as well. Yoren showed up only seconds later, and you sent Arya and the animals with him as you noticed the goldcloaks coming for you through the crowd. 

You had just barely managed to get away with your life intact, thanks to Bone. 

Managing to steal a horse on your way out, you had hit his sides with your feet once in the saddle, sending him off, away from the castle. 

As you rode down the road and into the woods to shake off the guards, you spotted one lonely crow sitting on top of a rock, looking straight at you, leaving you to think about an old poem Old Nan had told you all your life, as you left your sister and love behind. 

One for sorrow

Two for mirth

Three for a wedding

And four for a birth

Five for silver

Six for gold

And seven for a secret never to be told.

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#sandor clegane imagine #sandor x reader #sandor #sandor clegane #sandor clegane x reader #the hound imagine #the hound #the hound x reader #game of thrones imagine #game of thrones #game of thrones x reader #arya x reader #arya stark #sansa stark #sansa x reader #theon greyjoy #robb stark #catelyn stark #ned stark #robert baratheon #jon snow #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf

[littleindigochildx]

“Wake up! Wake up! We got’a lot ta do t’day!” An excited Savanna announced as she gently shook Victoria to wake her. The seven year old was still clad in pajamas with messy hair from sleeping. Teddy was tucked safely under her arm. “Mommy…” The little brunette whined. “Come on. Aunt Clara is gonna be here soon. We got pies ta make an’ a turkey ta’ bake.” Victoria stirred but didn’t seem to be getting out of bed just yet. Savanna sighed dramatically...something she learned from her big sister. “Fine...you can sleep. Me an’ Teddy will get started without ya.”

Without another word, Savvy turned to head downstairs where Timmy was already fixing himself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. “Don’t eat too much or yer not gonna have any room for dinner.” Savanna warned. “Me, an’ mommy, an’ aunt Clara are makin’ pies!” The seven year old was so excited because pumpkin pie happened to be one of her all time favorite desserts. “Can I help?” Timothy asked with a full mouth. Savvy nodded. “We’re gonna need all the help.” She replied.

Her eyes lit up as a brilliant idea struck her. Zelda. She was magical. Maybe she could help. Thanksgiving dinner would be finished that much faster if they could use magic. “I’ll be right back.” The little girl told her brother. Timmy nodded and continued to eat his breakfast while Savanna disappeared up the stairs to her bedroom. “Where did I hide it?” She spoke to herself. She was looking for the notepad to bring Zelda back to her world. If it worked once, surely it had to work again. “I think I ‘member where I put it.” She lifted her mattress and found the sparkly notebook tucked away safely, exactly where she placed it for safe keeping.

“How did this work last time?” The little girl scratched her head. She couldn’t remember if she made a wish or if she just drew what she wanted to come to life. She definitely remembered drawing something, so she sat down with colored pencils and started sketching an image of her, Victoria, Clara, Timmy, and Zelda in the kitchen preparing A Thanksgiving Day feast with the rest of the Valance and Deschaine families. “I hope this works. We need all the help ta’ make sure dinner is ready on time.” Savvy said out loud. “I know you can help us with yer magic, Zee.”

Savanna put the final touches on her picture and sat back to admire it. Not her best work, but certainly not her worst. “I wish you were here again, Zelda...Ta’ wake my mommy up an’ help us with the cookin’. Please come help us.” But even with her wish, nothing happened. “Well...it was worth a shot.” The little one sighed as she closed the book and returned it to the hiding place between her mattress and box spring. “Guess we gotta do this the normal way.”

—————

By the time Savanna made it back downstairs, Victoria was awake. She just finished pouring herself a cup of coffee. Timmy has finished his breakfast and moved to the living room to watch television before Vic made him go shower and get dressed in nice clothes.

“Yer up!” Savvy grinned. “I getted out everythin’ we need ta’ make pies. Want me ta’ call aunt Clara an’ see if she’s on her way?” The seven year old offered. Before she could even get Victoria’s cell phone, the doorbell rang. Savanna grinned. It had been years since Clara used the doorbell when she visited. She was family which meant she had full permission to let herself in. “I’ll get it!” The energetic little girl said as she ran to the door. She assumed Clara had full hands and needed some help, but when the door swung open it wasn’t the blonde standing on the other side… It was Zelda Spellman.

“Who’s that?” Timmy asked from his spot on the couch. The question made Victoria get up. Her kids weren’t supposed to open the door for strangers and it clearly wasn’t Clara. “Hello. Can I help you?” Vic asked the curly haired woman. “No mommy...She is here ta’ help you!” Savanna explained. Victoria looked confused. How did her daughter know this woman? Victoria had never seen her before, yet somehow she looked so familiar. “I...uh…” Vic was at a loss for words. “I think there has been a mix up.” Victoria was trying to apologize to the woman for getting roped into whatever Savanna had up her sleeve. “Savanna… I’m sure…” Vic began before she realized she still didn’t know the woman’s name. “Zelda.” Savvy added for her. “Mommy, this is my friend Zelda. Zelda...this is my mommy, Victoria, an’ my brother Timmy.” The seven year old introduced.

Zelda. The name rang a bell, but Vic still couldn’t place her. Not until her youngest continued to explain the situation. “Mommy...she’s not ‘maginary anymore. She’s real!” The little girl grinned. “Can she stay for Thanksgivin’?” Savvy looked up at her mother with big doe eyes. She didn’t even know if Zelda ate mortal food, but she wanted her to stay. Especially since she never knew when the witch would disappear, or when she would come back. The magical notepad worked when it wanted to which meant Zelda didn’t always appear when Savvy requested her.

“What do you mean, she’s not imaginary anymore?” Vic’s eyes widened. Suddenly she knew exactly why Zelda looked so familiar to her. She appeared in Savanna’s drawings a lot lately. But how was it possible for her to be standing in their living room, and where was her family? Wasn’t she supposed to be celebrating the holiday with them? “I made’a wish. I wished for her ta’ come help us cause she knows magic. She can use her magic ta’ make our dinner.” Vic didn’t know what to say, and before she could ask questions Clara walked through the door. The expression on her face mirrored the confusion on Vic’s.

“Aunt Clara!! Now we can finally make dinner!”

—————

“I thought I knew all of your extended family.” Clara said when she and Vic were alone in the kitchen. The brunette glared and rolled her eyes. She didn’t know how to explain this woman to her best friend. How was Savanna’s ‘imaginary friend’ sitting in the living room with her kids right now? Victoria had seen some crazy things in Limbo, but this had to be one of the craziest. “Savvy claims she’s her imaginary friend...but maybe she was never imaginary.” Vic peaked around the corner to make sure the kids were okay. Zelda seemed nice, and the only reason Victoria let her stay was because Savanna insisted she did. “I guess she’s coming to dinner with us.” Vic shrugged. She didn’t have the heart to tell her daughter no. Especially when Zelda didn’t have her family here to share Thanksgiving with. “Are you serious? We don’t even know her, V. What if she’s a serial killer?” Clara chimed in. “She seems harmless. Plus...She’s here to help us with dinner. We need all hands on deck. Who knows...maybe she will bring some peace to the dinner table this year.” Vic teased. “Savvy says she’s magic. Maybe she can use some of that to keep Declan and Delia from killing each other.” The brunette chuckled. “Or maybe she will kill them both.” Clara added with a smirk.

“Mommy. We’re ready to help.” Savanna said as she, Timmy, and Zelda appeared in the kitchen. Since Zelda knew as well as Savvy that there was no telling how long she’d stick around, she decided to make the most out of the situation. “What she said.” The woman said with a forced smile. If this was going to keep happening, maybe it was time to get to know some of these Limbo natives. Maybe they could even help figure out how she kept being summoned by a seven year old in the first place.

—————

A couple hours later, desserts were cooling and sides were done. The kids still had to change into their Thanksgiving attire. Both of them got new clothes for the holiday. Savvy was so obsessed with her dress. Victoria had to wash it three times before today. “You can sit next ta’ me in the car...or are ya’ gonna ride your broom?” Savanna had no idea how Zelda typically traveled and she was absolutely stereotyping by suggesting her ride of choice was a broom, but she was seven. She didn’t know any better. “Your car is fine, jellybean.” Jellybean was the nickname Zelda had given the child and Savvy always giggled when she called her that.

“I’m gonna get dressed. Don’t disappear, kay?” Savanna warned before heading up the stairs. She returned a few minutes later with a brush and some detangler in her hand so Vic could do something with her hair. For once she actually cooperated so her hair was done in five minutes. Normally it took a half an hour to get it done. “Time ta’ go?” The child hopped up. “I can’t wait ta’ have some’a Nanny’s turkey. I hope she saved some’a the skin for me.” It was Savanna and Timmy’s favorite. They loved crispy skin and Fancy knew that. “And I reeeeally can’t wait ta’ have some pie.” The child looked up at Zee. “Mommy and aunt Clara are the bestest bakers. No one makes pies, cookies, or cakes like them. I think they might have some magic too.”

The little girl put her jacket on as she turned back to Victoria. “Mommy...Thanks for lettin’ Zee come with us. Daddy is gonna be there an’ Ransom an’ Dottie too. This is gonna be the bestest Thanksgivin’ ever.”

[writerman]

Modern elronbarduil. Bard is a cab driver, Thran is a the CEO of his own company, who just happens to be blind, and Elrond is an ER doctor. Now Thran some how gets injures at work but instead of call an ambulance, he calls a cab because he doesn't want to make a fuss. Bard is the cab driver and is worried about Thran, so offers to help get him inside the hospital and stays with him. Elrond is the doctor attending Thran.

//I am sorry but I didn’t make Thranduil blind in this one. I did, however, have a lot of fun writing this so this is where my confidence crashes and burns because now the world wide web get to read it... or ignore it ahahaha. 

Enjoy, friendo! 

THIS IS THE LONGEST PROMPT I’VE WRITTEN TO DATE! 

Honestly, Bard had not expected his first fare of the afternoon to be a man bleeding from the temple, a well dressed, suited and booted kind of high flying exec kind of man… He was really bleeding, and from the rear view mirror he could not quite see where the blood was coming from but it ran down the man’s face with ease and dripped onto the grey suit he wore steadily.

“Uh… I know you’re not ok but are you ok?” Bard asked turning round to look at his customer properly, the guy was beautiful, angel fallen from Heaven masquerading as a man, beautiful.

Long straight blond hair, nearly white, piercing blue eyes and flawless skin, a jaw that could cut glass and all those other analogies that described the classic beauty of men.

Pale as milk though, either he had been bleeding for quite some time or he did NOT like the sight of blood, either way it was concerning.

The blond looked startled when Bard spoke, as though he had expected the cab to be self driven rather than by a flesh and blood human with thoughts and feelings. He lifted his hand to touch the blood and it smeared over his fingers staining the pale skin easily, all the while nodding slowly as though this was common place and he bled all the time from the head.

“So… Where do you need to go?” His whole body felt tense, this kind of felt like one of those scenes from a movie where he is infected by a virus and becomes a zombie because he just HAD to help the pretty one.

That’s how they get you, the zombies, they show up being pretty humans all the while the virus is working through them and suddenly you turn around to check on your passenger and BAM Zombie time and you’re dead.

He reeeeally hoped this guys asked for a doctor or a ride to the hospital because, damn, he was losing blood like no tomorrow.

Bard made the executive decision that he was taking the man to the hospital regardless and put the car in motion, not explaining his actions though he realised he was not asked any questions, or given any instructions… it was then Bard realised that the guy must have been in shock.

Once at the hospital Bard parked up, threw some money in a parking meter and eased the silent, still bleeding, man from the car, he spoke softly as if to keep this blond stranger at ease, as though he was some kind of easily spooked horse.

He looked like he owned horses, like 10 of them and had a son called Tarquin and they placed croquet on the lawn of their massive mansion.

Probably had house staff too.

Bard realised that was unfair, just because he wore a nice suit didn’t mean anything, he had a nice suit too, it was reserved for funerals and weddings, he had one and only one and when he wore it people thought he was important too, and not a cab driver in a city where his face blurred together with thousands of other brunet men with beards….

Further problems arose when he tried to check the man in to see a doctor, he had no idea what his name was, or even some semblance of an address, he barely registered the street he had been on when the blond had climbed into the car.

So far the only thing that had shown Bard the guy was aware of anything was when he nodded earlier, and he was sure that was just an automatic response to the question ‘Are you ok?’, because most people nod when asked that question.

Apparently standing at the reception of a hospital was good luck because a doctor ran towards them yelling something that was probably a name, ah, yes it was a name.

“Thranduil, oh Gods, what happened to you?!” This doctor was handsome, did beautiful people just attract other beautiful people, was this a cult?

While Bard stared at the two of them in bisexual, the brunet doctor that had jogged toward them turned to Bard for an explanation, and all Bard could do, and he did it so eloquently, was shrug.

“He got into my cab just bleeding like crazy from the head, he hasn’t spoken a word so I thought I would just bring him here…”

“You did the right thing, I will take things from here, thank you for your caring for him-” He was cut off as he tried to lead Thranduil off, the blond reached out and grabbed Bard by the wrist and would not move until he did.

“Ah, it seems you are coming with us, even in shock he recognises a catch when he sees one.” Inappropriate time to flirt when his friend was just stood silently bleeding like some kind of silent haunted house actor…

Were they friends?

Still, someone thought he was handsome, even though they both looked like Gods walking the earth amongst mere mortal men. Bard realised he had to take what he could get, even if it was a fleeting flirting opportunity from a doctor.

Before he could speak Thranduil, weirdly nice name, tugged at Bard and pulled him closer to his side, he slung his arm over his shoulder before his legs gave way and both Bard and the handsome doctor moved to steady him.

“Maybe he needs to sit down…?” Bard suggested and the doctor, who had the humility to look embarrassed, nodded and steered the weakening man toward a private room.

Thranduil was put on a bed and the doctor, who finally introduced himself a Elrond Peredhel, saw to the wound, he explained that wound was not deep but were it was situated was causing the blood to flow easily, the skin on the scalp was thinner he said.

Bard had no idea about any of this stuff so he just nodded.

“This man is not supposed to be working, this man is meant to be on bedrest.” Elrond quipped, the dig at his patience apparently brought him back to himself and Thranduil managed to roll his eyes, he looked to Bard and gave a soft smile.

“Thank you.” He whispered, his voice so damned deep and velvety and amazing, oh man, Bard needed to sit down after two words. He pulled himself round long enough to pull a chair up to the bedside and sit by the blond.

“I admit, you scared me back there in the taxi being all silent and bloody, I had visions of you trying to slit my throat or something.” It was a ridiculous thing to say and he regretted saying it instantly but the sound of Thranduil’s quiet laugh eased his insecurities for a moment.

The blond winced as though laughing hurt him, and Elrond placed a hand on his shoulder to soothe him as he worked on cleaning the wound, some of Thranduil’s hair was now stained red from the blood, but he did not seem to care all that much, or he hadn’t realised.

“I owe you so much, I could not speak and yet you brought me right where I need to be with who I need to be with.” Elrond and Thranduil shared a loving smile between them and Bard put the pieces together.

Husbands. Probably.

Well, they had flirted with him so they seemed relaxed so maybe very long time husbands?

Not that it mattered.

“Also thought you might have been a zombie.” Bard admitted quietly, which had Thranduil laughing again, and Gods it went right to his centre.

He suppressed a pleasant shudder, ignoring Elrond's knowing look.

“A zombie only before his morning coffee,” The doctor started, he rested a hand on Thranduil's shoulder before he spoke again, “Did you just swoon?”

This time Bard was the one to have the decency to blush and look away from the two.

"Ah, I thought so, he has that effect on everyone. Though so far you are the only one sensible enough to grab a chair and to respect that he may be in a relationship.

It's alright, you can flirt with him.

You can flirt with both of us."

Well, that was… interesting. So far Elrond had been quite vocal about his interest in Bard but Thranduil hadn’t said anything, and Bard was not sure it was alright for Elrond, even if he was married to the blond, to just offer the others affections so easily.

While in thought the two took the opportunity to whisper between themselves, some sort of debate, Bard wasn’t actually listening.

Eventually he made the decision that it was time for him to go. He had to earn a wage and sitting around in a hospital was losing him rent money for the month.

“Now that I know you’re alright I should probably go. I still have a job to do and while I do not necessarily have a boss I still need to make sure I make enough that I don’t have to work too late tonight.

It was great meeting you both even given the circumstances.

I hope you manage to keep him on bedrest this time.” Bard looked to Elrond as he said the last part and he got to his feet ready to depart.

“Thank you, again for bringing him here. I truly hope we meet again.” Elrond spoke with as much sincerity as he could muster without it sounding as though he was mocking Bard.

With that they parted ways.

It was a month after that Bard saw the two again.

He had been playing a zombie apocalypse game while the car idled at the side of the road, there didn't seem to be much foot traffic where he had parked up so he took the chance to try and level up his mobile game.

When the door opened behind his seat and someone slid in he paid them no mind, he was going to wait until they'd settled before he gave them any attention, that was until…

A pair of hands slid to his shoulders and squeezed almost pinching him.

Then a rumbling voice in his ear spoke.

“Still hoping for zombies, are we?” The tone amused and, dammit, the shiver that spiked down Bard's spine… the hairs on his arms stood on end and his heart beat leapt to a pace faster than he believed ever possible.

“Thranduil, leave him alone, he looks like he might have a heart attack.” Oh, yeah, it was definitely the dream duo he had absolutely NOT been thinking about since they first met… Elrond Peredhel and his husband Thranduil.

Two fantastically beautiful men that had taken a shine to Bard as though he wasn’t some grimy cab driver with untamed curls and  bags under his eyes that could fill a baggage claim at Heathrow.

Doing his best to calm himself before he looked round, he sighed inwardly when the blond let go of his shoulders to sit back in his seat, Bard took a cleansing breath as quietly as he could and turned to offer the couple a bright smile.

“Well, hello, you two. Long time no see… so, where am I taking you tonight?” It was 6pm and the sun was sinking behind the high rise buildings around them- the night would come alive soon enough and Bard actually wanted to get home before any party-goers tried to hail him for a ride.

“Well, we were just going to go home but maybe coffee first, we’d love it if you could join us?” Elrond slid an arm around Thranduil’s shoulders as he spoke and pulled him so they were right up against one another side by side, their shoulders right down to their feet touching down one side.

“Uh… well, I was just going to go home after this fare…” Bard trailed off at the, frankly sorrowful, disappointed look he was given from both of them, so rather than argue he just nodded. “Alright, where would you like to go?”

They ended up in a small coffee shop, it advertised that it was open all night long and so far it was fairly quiet, Bard suspected the usuals that haunted the place would show up at the wee hours of the morning, sporting smudge make-up, tousled hair from brief intimate encounters and being more than just hungover as they sipped hot coffee full of sugar and cream before they could even begin to think of heading home…

It seemed like a trendy spot, Thranduil and Elrond stood out like peacocks against the vintage surroundings in their crisp fitted shirts and, what was probably, ridiculously expensive slacks and boots.

Smart casual.

Yet they looked across as Bard as though hungry hyenas and he was dinner for the night.

Hadn’t they just eaten?

“You don’t have to look so scared of us, but… we did have a proposition for you if you would be so kind as to allow us a moment to explain?” Thranduil began, he picked up a drinks menu from off the table in front of him and perused it casually, his eyes flitting to Bard occasionally and he offered a very sultry smile.

Bard felt nervous, like a bug near a venus fly trap but he was also a little hot under the collar, he didn’t image a look could ever have that effect on him but… well… there he was flushed.

The ye olde expression of ‘Mark me down as scared and horny…’.

“I’ll cut to the chase, let you breathe a little afterwards. We like you Bard,” Elrond began, he waved away a waitress that approached with a genuine smile before turning back to Bard. “We are a couple but we were hoping your interest in us was not solely a fanciful day dream. Thranduil and I would like to take you out and, perhaps with time, you would accept us, even love us and let our duo become a trio?” There was a long pause after Elrond said his peace and so Thranduil and he ordered drinks, and after a moment coaxed an order out of Bard.

He felt as though a hurricane had rushed over him and he was left windswept and out of breath.

Were they suggesting a three way relationship?

He had to admit, and admit it very quietly, even in his own head, that he had thought about that would be like… they seemed fun and flirty, but what were they like behind closed doors?

He didn’t feel threatened by them or actually afraid, and gods, he had seen the look of love they had shared between them back at the hospital.

Could that be him?

“I want to get to know you both better.” The words blurted out, his mouth and brain had not discussed this and yet there he was talking, all the while his brain is in disarray ‘We talked about this mouth, you have to run things by me first!’ but again his mouth ignored his brain and he spoke again.

“I am interested in both of you, I want to try this.”

All hope was lost for his mouth and his brain logged out for the rest of the evening.

With his acceptance of the couple, Elrond and Thranduil moved to sit next to him, one on each side, they wrapped their arms around him and welcomed him in to the fold.

“We shall show you a good time,  so much so that you could not imagine being without us, let us love you.”

...and so, he did.

#long post #thranduil #bard the bowman #barduil #bard #elbaruil #elrond #the hobbit #writing prompts #writing #mypackpride

[noisyquokka]

Keychains Huh?

pairing: Chan x reader ft. a co-worker!Jisung

genre: fluff, humor, more fluff

length: 1.2k

warnings: Chan stealing your heart (as per usual)

Gist- you always got Chan something for Valentine’s Day. Until you didn’t… because of the heavy workload recently, you had actually forgotten about the “big day” until you took a look at the calendar. So when you end up back home with nothing planned, Chan assures you that’s the last thing on his mind!

@janarine asked: Hi ^_^ I think I have never really send in requests before so I don't know if this is okay/right or not, but can I request something reeeeally cute and fluffy with chan and “I don’t care about the romantic stuff. Let’s just watch movies and cuddle.” or “Seeing you look so cute in your pajamas reminds me of why I fell in love with you.” please? 💜

Thanks for the request, love! I chose the first prompt because 💡 !!! As I read your request, this idea just popped into my head! I really hope you like it, I know I enjoyed writing it 💛

Request a Valentine’s Day drabble with these prompts!

“How could I forget! Of all the things I could’ve screwed up this month, it’s Valentine’s Day!”

You paced around the break room, well aware of the attention you were getting from your co-workers. Every year you planned out exactly what you were getting for your boyfriend! Every year he was taken back by what you’d gotten him. But now…

“I don’t understand the big deal, y/n.” Jisung muttered, shoving a donut in his mouth. “Valentine’s Day is just another capitalist holiday that greeting card companies make bank from. Same with candy manufacturers, and the Box-Office. Hell, even the alcohol industry gets some extra love! You’ve fallen right into their trap!” You leaned against the table, quirking a brow at your friend.

“I can’t believe you could say that to my face, while you stuff your own with heart-shaped donuts…”

His gaze fell to the sweet treat in his hand, or what was left of it. Talk about a hypocrite! You shook your head, sliding a napkin across the table to him.

“What am I gonna do, Jisung! I can’t just go home empty-handed on Valentine’s Day.” You said, messing with your ponytail. He wiped his mouth, shrugging his shoulders.

“How about - and please, really consider this - you don’t spend. A. Single. Penny.” He suggested, and you rolled your eyes before he could finish. This all coming from the guy who’s never been in love!

“You’re not helping…”

He threw his hands up in defeat, standing from his chair as break time came to its end.

“It was merely a suggestion, y/n. Besides, don’t you think the same routine is getting old?”

~~~

Don’t you think the same routine is getting old?

Jisung’s words whirled around in your brain as you walked past the shops on your way home. You’d been with him for roughly 5 years. While your gifts hadn’t been the best at first, they had gotten better with time. Still, gift shopping was stressful!

Even so, there was no way you could walk through the front door empty handed on Valentine’s Day! You turned around, pushing open the door to the convenience store. What could one possibly get their boyfriend here?! Maybe an energy drink if you were heading to meet him at the studio… this was pointless! There was no way you would be able to order something halfway decent to be delivered within two hours.

As you turned back toward the door, a small kiosk next to the cash register caught your eye. Keychains, huh? You found yourself slowly stepping towards it, searching through the many names and quotes. Nothing really stuck out to you. Maybe Jisung was right! Then you saw it.

A kangaroo plushie keychain!

Keychains were bad enough to just hand out to someone, never mind gifting them on holidays. But you were at a loss right now and you weren’t going home without a gift. You snatched the keychain off of the hook, cashing out and walking the 10 minutes to get home. You felt generally .1% better about your situation now. Although this wasn’t the gift you originally planned on getting, you were happy to walk through the door with something.

Jogging up the last flight of stairs, you rounded the corner and made your way down the fourth-floor hall. You fumbled with your keys, quickly unlocking the door and stepping inside. You didn’t expect to be hit with the smell of food cooking on the stove, nor did you expect to see Chan! Kicking off your shoes and dropping your bags, you made your way into the kitchen. Chan's back was facing you, quietly singing the song that hummed through your Bluetooth speakers. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips, taking him in.

Wavy hair, white t-shirt, sweatpants, bare feet, carrot hanging from his mouth. He couldn't look any comfier if he tried!

"Are you planning to gawk all night or..."

You chuckled in response, walking up behind him. Your hands found their usual place on his shoulders, taking a peek at dinner.

"You're making sirloin?!" You meant it as a question, but you sounded appalled. Chan turned around, worry taking over his features.

"Is that not what you had in mind?" You shook your head, taking his free hand in yours.

"No, no! That sounds great..."

wow, way to make him feel better! It's not that you didn't like the kind gesture. In fact, you were flattered that he came over to make dinner without your knowledge. At this point, though, your keychain wasn't looking too great. Yeah... suddenly you weren't in the gift-giving mood!

"Then what's wrong? And don't tell me it's nothing. You look like someone kicked your puppy." You ran a hand through your ponytail, turning away from him. There was literally no way you could lie to him; reason one being how well he knew you, reason two being that you wouldn't be able to handle it. So you did the only thing you could.

"Y/n? Where are yo-"

You pulled the keychain from your bag, walking back to Chan. You placed it on the countertop, keeping eye contact with your boyfriend.

"I forgot Valentine's Day! I forgot it, and I couldn't order something meaningful like I normally do so I panicked and got you this keychain because I couldn't bear to come home with nothing for you!" You ranted, cupping your cheeks. Chan picked up the keychain, inspecting the little kangaroo smiling at him. Your brows furrowed as Chan smiled back at it, his lighthearted chuckle resonating throughout the kitchen.

"I was wondering when you'd get me this, you know!"

"W-what!?" You were speechless. Was he joking? Apparently not, as he pulled his keys from his pocket and added the plush gift to his keyring.

"Baby, you always plan out my gifts. Almost a month in advance, for every occasion!" He caught your wrist in his hand, pulling you closer. "While I appreciate the hoopla of your planning and those gifts, I hope you realize that you don't have to get me a gift every year."

"You're serious?" He nodded, beaming at you. You swatted his chest, resting your forehead against his shoulder.

"I really wish you would've told me sooner. Do you know how stressful planning is!?" You said, voice muffled. He laughed, snaking his arms around your waist.

"I don't care about the romantic stuff. Let's just watch movies and cuddle." He murmured. You straightened up in his embrace, a blush creeping up your neck. He pecked your lips, letting out a breath. Everything worked out in the end. Well... almost everything.

"Shit, the sirloin!" Chan cursed, letting you go. He quickly turned off the burner, flipping the meat to check its state. Burnt... He looked up at you, a small grin on his lips. You read his mind, taking your cell phone out and going to contacts.

"I'll call it in." You said, tapping on yours and Chan's favorite Chinese restaurant. He cleaned up quickly, tossing the sirloin in the trash as you hung up. The take out was delivered shortly after, and the two of you sat down at the dining room table, digging into your meals.

"So you really panicked over Valentine's Day, huh." Chan teased, chuckling as you launched your sauce packets at him.

"Don't laugh! I was about ready to fly to a deserted island and live out the rest of my days there!" You chided, laughing along with him. You both finished your meals, too tired to clean up the table. Chan took your hand, leading you to the couch. You sat down, watching him choose from your plethora of movies before finally sliding one into the DVD player. The Notebook.

"Ah, I see. You're in a cheesy mood." You cooed, pulling him down next to you. He rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around you.

"Oh, shut up." He muttered, failing to hold back a smile before capturing your lips with his.

Wow so funny to say this is longer than I expected it to be, considering it’s only a little over 1k. I know you guys would say it’s not long enough because I’d do the same reading someone else’s drabbles 😂  Anyway, let me know what y’all think. Thanks for reading! 💛

#stray kids imagines #stray kids drabbles #stray kids scenarios #bang chan fluff #bang chan drabble #bang chan imagines #stray kids oneshot #skz fluff hours #stray kids fluff #stray kids #bang chan

[halfnakedmenfightingforabelt]

Awkward Car Rides (Jay White X Reader)

Summary: You have a crush on your travelling partner Jay White. While on the road you get stuck in traffic and Jay suggests playing a game. The game started out flirty and ended very steamy.

Warnings: suggestive themes, sexual questions, implied smut, cursing

Words: +1900

“Oh my fucking god, just fucking drive you cretin!”, you yelled as your fingers clawed around the steering wheel. Again, you were stuck in traffic. For the fifth time already. Being a wrestler was sometimes a pain in the arse. But your travelling companion, Jay White, tried his best to keep your hopes and spririts up. 

“So now that we’re stuck again, how about a game?”, Jay said, trying to pry your hands from the steering wheel, because your knuckles were turning white.

You waved him off your hands and sighed. You were never a fan of his games. Either you felt like a toddler or he made you talk about embarassing childhood stories. 

“Alright, hit me with it, White.”, there was no point in fighting it, you assumed.

“Ookay, I’m going to ask you questions and you have to answer them truthfully.”, he said as he looked for questions on his phone.

You smacked your hands down on the steering wheel, “Dammit Jay, you’re not going ask me about my highschool prom fiasco again, I dare you!”

His stiffled laughter and the amount of time it took him to find questions made you quite suspicious.

“Alright, I got some questions. And don’t forget: answer honestly.”, he reminded again. You nodded your head, a little bit afraid of the questions. Last time he asked a lot about childhood. And oh boy, your younger days were filled with some confusing and embarassing moments. 

“Have you ever messed up in the bedroom and said the wrong name?”

“Jay!”, your eyes widened in shock and your jaw dropped, “You could’ve at least told me what kind of questions you were asking!”

“But did you though?”, he inquired, smirking at you.

You dropped your head and let out a quiet ‘Yes’.

“Can I ask questions too? I don’t want you to know everything about my bedroom habits and don’t know diddlysquat about your own.”

He held his hand up defensively, obviously being the sarcastic mark that he is, “Go ahead, I don’t have anything to hide.”

No man in the world could make your eyes roll further back into your head than he did. You wouldn’t mind him making your eyes roll back but not like this.

You tapped on your chin with your index finger, trying to find a good question. Initially your plan was to make him answer really dirty questions to make him regret trying your salty arse. But now you got too interested, too invested, to pass the opportunity to find out more about him. The other side of Jay White.

“Okay, uhm, butts or boobs?”, granted, not the most interesting question but you wanted to know anyways.

Shifting around in his seat, he scratched his chin, pretending to be thinking. “Actually, I don’t care. I take what I get, you know what I’m saying. I appreciate beauty in all it’s forms.”, he winked at you, clicking his tongue at the same time. 

You were glad that you didn’t have the chance to drive currently so you could put your face in your hands and shake your head. After you were done cringing about his wannabee white knight answer you gave him the look to ask his question.

“Oh I have a good one. What’s your favourite part of a man’s body?”, he thought he got you good with this one. Too bad that you had a very different answer.

You let out a small laugh, “Honestly, this might sound ridiculous but I like backs. You know the small line you have on your back where your spine is? That’s the shite I want.”

You expected him to say something but what he did instead made you want to stab him. He turned his back to you, pulled his shirt up and started flexing his back muscles. “You mean a back like that?”

Even though you really enjoyed what you saw you just smacked him in the back of the head. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”, he laughed as he pulled his shirt back down,”Your turn.”

Mockingly, you put your tongue out. Again, you laughed, “Do you actually have a knife kink or do you just like getting the crap scratched out of you?”

“Well, the whole knife pervert thing really took off, didn’t it? Anyways, I don’t know if I’d actually want to have a knife anywhere near the bedroom. Not that I have tried either. And I’ll answer your scratching question with a compliment: You have really nice nails. Wouldn’t mind you using those on me.”

Looking down on your quite long nails, you didn’t know what to do now. The sexual tension in the car was so thick you would need a chainsaw to cut through it. You really didn’t know what to say or feel. A part of you thought he was just engaging in some teasing banter and the other part thought he likes you. Like a lot. Deciding to brush it off for now you asked him to carry on his questions.

“So, what did you think after you walked in on me changing last week backstage?”, leaning over, he rested his elbow on the armrest inbetween the two of you. He got reeeeally close to you. You could even hear him breath.

“You know that the boys set me up for that, right?”, you kind of tried to talk your way out of this.

After one show you were hanging out backstage with The Elite boys, when they asked you to get something out of one of the dressing rooms. You were suspicious at first but when you saw that the door was open you thought the air was clear. It wasn’t. As you opened the door you saw something you wouldn’t want to see in a crowded backstage place. Maybe at a more private setting. Jay was getting ready for his match that night, getting changed into his ring gear. To say the least you got a good view of his backside before frantically rushing out of the room, yelling that you were sorry. When you were back with the rest of The Elite you were certain you got played. You haven’t brought up the situation ever since and neither did Jay. Until now. 

But you were done playing his games, trying to make you embarrassed. So, you started playing along. Payback so to say.

“Oh you know, I really enjoyed what I saw. A shame that it caught me off guard and made me run away.”, you turned to look at him and winked. Checkmate, you did it. He looked at you like you just grew another head. You never were one to be overly flirty or even flirt back when someone tried to chat you up. Honestly, you just thought it was awkward. And this was obviously a change of pace. 

With his mouth slighty open, you decided to be even a little more cheeky. “Here, let me close that for you.”, with a smirk you grabbed his jaw and closed his mouth. 

He straightened out his posture and returned completely into his seat.

“Alright,”, he said after clearing his throat, “I guess it’s your turn.”

You really took him by surprise, judging by his response. 

Doubt made it’s way into your min. Maybe you took it a little too far. 

You tried to shake it off and think of a new question. As your bra strap made it’s way down your shoulder, like it always does, you got it. You were known for your straps always being way to loose, so using your ‘gimmick’ seemed like a good idea.

“Can you unhook a bra with one hand?”, as you said that, you leaned towards the steering wheel, making your back easily accessable.

He obviously knew you wanted him to show you rather than just answer the question. So he did. Like a damn pro. The issue at hand was now that the traffic started to disperse a little bit because of an exit, you didn’t have your hands to fix your bra. 

Jay, like the cocky bastard that he is, leaned back into his seat but kept his hand on your back. He knew exactly what your problem was now. 

“Okay, nice. Good job,”, you said, pushing your arms closer together to stop your bra from completely giving away, “But do you mind closing it again? Don’t want to drive like this.”

Again, cocky like he is, he sarcastically scratched his chin, “Your question was if I can open it. So it’s my turn now.”

You sighed deeply, trying to concentrate on the road. Not your downward disappearing bra, “Whatever, go ahead.”

Without hesitation he asked, “Would you ever do it in a car?”

You didn’t know where all the confidence suddenly came from but you decided to take a chance. Just like you expected him to show how he unhooks a bra, you also wanted him to ‘experience’ your answer.

Looking around for an exit to a secluded place, you said, “Well, do you want to find out? I mean, my bra is already off.”

At first he looked like he wanted to immediately say yes, but he played it off cool. A ‘sure’ and a smirk was enough of an answer. 

After a short drive, you arrived at little pull-in. As soon as you stopped the car, things turned steamy.

~Time Skip because I don’t want to bathe in holy water later~

Both you and Jay were now sprawled all over the back seat, you tracing circles on his stomach. 

“Wow, I never knew you have a scar from appendix removal.”, you said, poking the scar a bit.

“Well, you’re not the only one who found out something new today.”, he said as he tried to strech himself, only to bump his fists and feet into the doors.

You turned yourself around, lying on your stomach now. Cocking your eyebrow you asked, “And that would be?”

He chuckled, brushing some hair out of your face, “That you like me. At least I assume, because from what I heard you would love to do that again.”

Playfully, you smacked his chest. “You also said some things, but I’m ladylike and don’t bring up shite like that.”

He looked a little disappointed, feeling like you rejected him. And you noticed.

“Honestly, I would love to do this again. Maybe next time not in a car after a traffic jam but after a nice dinner in some hotelroom?”, you said, looking at him as you laid your chin onto his chest.

“Is that an invitation to a date?”, he asked, tilting his head.

You just batted your pairs of long fakelashes at him. Or one. You lost one pair during your little session. 

He laughed a little bit. That totally threw you off guard because you thought he was laughing at you asking him out.

“Do you really think we need to go out on dates? We skipped like the first 5 steps and went straight to the main course. I don’t want to say literally, but literally.”, he said, sitting up, taking you with him, “I really like you and you like me. Let’s just say we’re dating.”

You teasingly pulled on his hair a little bit, “Whatever you say, knife boy.”

“I’m not sure if I like that nickname.”, he chuckled a bit.

“You better do or I’m gonna call you knife pervert.”, you sat up completely, looking for your clothes that were completely scattered throughout the car. And so did he.

“By the way, we need to find my lashes. I only have one pair of these and I don’t want to buy a new one.”

A/N: Finally I’m done with this. This took me a while. Getting injured at training and lots of shite to do really messed up my schedule (like I fecking have one). I started this one like a week ago. Hope you enjoyed it. If you want me to write some more, do a sequel to this or write for someone completely different: hit me up, requests always open. Also if you want to be tagged. Only got one person to tag yet.

@littlemissvillanous

#jay white #njpw #fanfiction #wrestling #switchblade jay white #switchblade #NewJapanProwrestling #xreader #ff #readerinsert #oneshot #smut #bulletclub #ogbc #firingsquad #jaywhite #westanakinkylegend #knifepervert #my precious boy

[unseelie-siren]

i'm not familiar with any of your ocs i'm sorry ;_; so how about a short introduction of all of them? i'd love to see that ♥️

I would love to! Sadly I have waaaaay too many ocs to cover all of them here. I do want to introduce you to some ocs of my main stories though!

I’ll do this under the cut

Please feel free to ask me about any of them anytime! 

 Well start with the story that has less main characters, only two. Their names are Jonathan and Derek.They’re typical high school jocks and play baseball!

 Jonathan 

 …is called Jon by basically everyone. He is a bit of an asshole and he is definitely arrogant. He is intelligent and he is definitely aware of it. He knows what he is capable of and will take no shit from no one. He’s that person that speaks out against the racist teacher, he’s that person who lets everyone know his opinion. And he has a lot of opinions.He’s sweet, but rarely genuinely so. He’s very rational in his approach and that can lead to him being cold and calculating. He also is a major flirt. 

 Derek 

 …on the other hand is just a really soft teddy bear. He’s been childhood friends with Jon since he moved there. They live only a few streets away, it takes them only a few minutes to get to the others house. There’s a playground between their houses where they like to meet. He likes to just let Jon do the talking and be rather passive. He’s really supportive of him and will defend him fiercely. He’s the type of person that whenever Jon gets up to one of his shenigans (because Jon tends to be mischievous) just shakes his head at them, rolls his eyes and tells him exactly why it is a bad idea. He definitely tries to talk him out of it, but he never succeeds. There is usually a fond smile on his lips though and he secretly doesn’t mind playing along. But someone has to point out why that plan is a bad idea okay??? 

 They’re the two protagonists for a ya novel I’m going to write. It’s going to be fluffy and short with maybe a bit angst I’m still undecided on the exact plot line. I do have basic sketches of them but only idea sketches. As soon as I have actual proper sketches of them I’m going to upload them on my art account ( @zhadyrart that is finally going to be more active hopefully) 

 Then I think I mentioned at some point that I have a really big project that I’ve been working on since seventh grade. It’s going to be a triology that is called “ragnarok”. It’s set in another dimension where simply said every mythological being and every god that there is exists. All my main characters are “Xi” which are people who have been blessed by gods. I could go on and on about this world and everything behind the Xi but that would take even longer. 

Helija 

 …is the main character. shes human. She’s really sweet and strong but not really independent. She grew up with an abusive mother and without a father in the city of creators. Everyone there is destined to create something new and most people create smaller things. Helija hasn’t created anything yet which is unusual for her age. She is insecure in her abilities even tho she is not bad at most things. She’s rather held back and doesn’t speak much. This changes the more she gets involved with the other characters and establishes her relationships with them. 

Sam 

…is Helijas best friend and one of the fae. Those two are one heart and one soul and if you let them loose there is going to be a mess. Sam is Helijas enabler and he is one of the few people who actually can bring her out of her shell and can bring her to overcome her fears and anxiety. They have been friends since they turned six despite not meeting until they were sixteen. They exchanged letters because they lived in different parts of the continent. That was part of a program of their mentor ship (which I could also elaborate on) which encourages Xi to form connections with other Xi. He’s funny and kind of a go wild character. He’s always up for anything but definitely also always here for you if you have a problem. He’s stubborn and can be hot headed from time to time. But he just wants the best for everyone and cares like crazy for his friends and family. 

Elahir 

…is Sams best friend. They have been childhood friends since their birth. He’s also one of the fae. He’s kind of apathic or at least he seems like it. He’s very focused on his thoughts and tends to overthink. He is also extremely stubborn and will always follow his own moral code. If something doesn’t fit with his morals or beliefs he’s not going to do it, no matter what it does to him. Later on he’s going to be Sams boyfriend. He’s non binary and uses he/him and they/them pronouns. 

Helena 

…is your wonderful girl that you all love. She’s pretty (she and Helija look identical despite not being related) and just has a personality that everyone loves. She’s nice, genuinely so and she is very supportive. She has her shit together and if you need anything organised you go to her. She’s from the city of gods (again I could elaborate) and grew up without parents being taught to be humble. She is being trained to be a temple woman. She is basically your perfect girl™️.She does have a mischievous streak though and if you encourage her she will come up with the wildest things. Of course no one suspects her ever since she is well how she is. 

Hector 

 …is basically the perfect boyfriend to the perfect girl Helena. There is looooots of pining for her but he’s such a respectful golden retriever puppy he never acts on it, especially since when they meet she just has gotten out of her last relationship. I’m basically aiming for a lesbian icon character lmao. Hes a real feminist and hes just super super sweet. He has all those thoughts about romance and love and he really is a true romantic. His and Helena’s relationship is fluff pure. Everyone is just really happy for them bc they really are just do perfect for each other. He grew up in a small fishermen village in a part of the continent (I do have a map but…) where it basically has a climate like in the arctis. He has zero clue about modern things and will be confused. He’s just really really soft and sweet and I love him.

Leanca 

…is the girl that Helena just broke up with. They just hit it off after years of fr.iendship, but decided on good terms that it wasn’t working out. It kind of broke Helena’s heart bc she’s a romantic but it was better for their relationship. They are now really good ride or die friends. Leanca is Helena’s enabler. She’ll just be like “he looks like he’s sexist” in a deadpan voice and look at Helena. It doesn’t take long and shenigans ensue. She’s incredibly cool and kind of reeeeally fit. She doesn’t show much facial reactions. She has a flaming sense of justice and will argue with you. Don’t challenge her to a discussion. She will win. And she is right. You’ll question your entire beliefs after a while because wow her arguments make so much sense. Very independent, very strong.

Illaya/Ilaya (not sure yet) 

…is an ancient being. She’s not really a god but she’s also not really human. (I don’t 100% know yet what she is actually.) she was the wife of uh well the now bad guy? Her mind has been tainted for hundreds of years and she turned into a mermaid like creature that lived in a lake. She grew sea lily like plants with which she lured beings into the lake where she would devour them. Some eldritch shit. When our protagonists “cleanse” her she returns to her old self and well realised that basically over thousands of years have passed since the land became tainted and she with it. She realises what her husband has become and mourns him. At some point she falls in love with Leanca. But a relationship doesn’t develop really fast because well she is still mourning over her husband and also she has a general crisis going on with all the stuff that has been going on. 

 Jack 

…is a character from the feral lands. That’s basically another continent and not many people from there come over to the main continent. He came because he was “scouted” and saw a chance to help his family. He’s really motivated by family. He is laid back and cool. He takes things calm and rational. He’s good looking and that goddamn smirk. (He’s a little bit underdeveloped since he used to be a shared oc with my brother) 

Olivia

…is Helena’s childhood friend. They grew up together in the city of gods. She’s a punk, she’s freaky and she is always here for all the energetic stuff. She’s great at getting people fired up, at motivating people, but she also is good at listening, even tho she doesn’t give the best advise lol. She gets together with Jack real fast. They just hit it off and run with it. Her hair is purple. She’s wild. (I’m also currently looking into adhd symptoms that she might have.) 

 There are also cosmic beings that are going to be very important to the story and several other characters but I decided to leave it at those because….. they are already a lot lmao. I’m drawing them so as soon as that happens they’ll be on my artblog. 

 I also decided to leave the characters of my third main project for now because four more characters. Feel free to ask about them though. 

 And thank you for this lovely ask!

#my ocs #ocs #writer #writing #books #ragnarok #jon(athan) #Derek #helija #Sam #Helena #Olivia #jack #elahir #leanca #ilaya #illaya #hector

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #40

I woke up from the touch of his hands. Slowly, lovingly, he dragged his fingers from my knee and upwards, across my thigh, lingered on the skin of my waist and stroked downwards once again. I pretended to still be asleep so he wouldn’t stop.

He was laying behind me, naked and warm beneath our covers, and it was quite a feat to stay put and keep still. Even more so as he kissed the corner between my shoulder and my ear. It felt like I could just melt away into his touch.

“Ca-aaas. I can hear your breathing.” He chuckled lowly into my ear. Damn. Busted.

“So? Everybody breathes.” I retorted, teasingly. I felt hoarse and drowsy, but blissful.

“You breathe in that way when you don’t want me to think that you’re awake.”

“Bollocks. I don’t.”

“Bollocks. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. ONE day in London and you’re a real proper Brit.” He snickered.

“Hey!” I wanted to nudge him in the stomach, but he was too quick. He grabbed my arm and laid on top of me before I could do anything.

“Hey what.” The weight of his body was pinning me down, and I apparently had to endure the smugness of his face through all of this teasing.

“You’re an ass.”

“Ooh,  naughty words. I had no idea such a proper lady could speak like that. Tell me … how did someone this posh end up in a pub like this?”

“I have no idea, to be honest. I was lured in by something.”

“Mmm-hmm. Like what?”

“I don’t know.” I managed to wriggle a bit free from him so I could wrap my legs around him. I heard his breathing hitch as our bodies touched.

“I think it’s me that was lured in, honestly.” He grinded against me, and I had to close my eyes with the sensation.

He did the movement again and I wanted nothing more than him inside of me. Even more so as he began to kiss me. His kisses were deep and long and left me desperate for more.

“Wait …” I bit my lip as I could feel him a bit too close. “Rain coat.”

“Right. Sorry.” He smiled apologetically at me and pulled away. “Old habit.”

“It’s alright.” I had fallen out of breath. “It’s just that the two of us are a bit too … “

“Too what?” He looked at me, curiosity written on his face.

“Too good at getting me pregnant.”

I could see his face going from confused to curious until finally, shocked.

“You’re not serious.” He sat up and sat on the bedside. “The … pregnancy?”

I nodded. The atmosphere in the room had changed into something a lot more solemn.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Cas?” He looked at me in complete disbelief.

I shrugged and tried to not think too much about it.

“I figured that … I don’t know, maybe you’d put two and two together.”

“How could I do that? I thought it was … somebody else.”

“Who would that be?” I sat up on my arms, frowning at him.

“Don’t take it like that, Cas. We were just together that one night, and you …”

“I what?”

“You met a lot of guys back there, right? I saw you at the pub.” He paused and looked sad for a second. “You made sure I saw.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. And I didn’t fuck them.”

“But … why didn’t you say anything? I sat with you every night. We watched Miami Vice, you slept and I was right there. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I sighed and fell back into the pillows.

“I wanted to … I really did. But it felt like I had deserved all of that. It was me that had to go through it. I was just … happy that you were there. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Scare me off? Scare me OFF, Cas?”

“I know.” I felt my eyes beginning to tear up. “It was just … so fragile. I had kicked you out and I didn’t feel like I deserved you being there. I felt so … terrible.”

I could see his jaw clenching as he thought about those nights. The atmosphere between us had been so heavy and dreadful, unlike anything we’d ever tried before. I would cry in the daytime and watch Miami Vice at night, looking at the back of his head and wondering if he’d ever talk to me or touch me again.

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.” He said. “That’s why I wrote to Nathan. If he had a job for me, here.”

“And he did.”

“He did.”

I couldn’t decipher what was on his mind. Maybe he was sad, maybe he was relieved. No matter what he felt, he didn’t let me in on it. As always.

“I’m going to get burgers for us. Alright?” He asked, his back turned towards me. I understood. 

( … )

The short walk from here, to the pizza place and back, had helped. He seemed to be feeling a lot better as he returned.

Not that he said much, but it sufficed. And like this, we ate our burgers and french fries, until a text on my phone ripped through the silence.

“Teddy’s running a fever. Going to the doctor’s with him. Call me when you have the time. Xx - Mum”

From there, everything happened in a blur. I dropped everything I had, got dressed and began to panic, before my rational mind had even reminded me to call my mother and ask her for the details. She didn’t say much, as she was on her way to the doctor. Michael was quickly filled in, and he seemingly panicked just as much as I did. It was with hands shaking that I made the call to the airport to change my flight to an earlier one. Michael jump-ran to the car and tried desperately to get the ice off of it, so we could get going. Had the lock not opened in that very second that it did, I’m sure he would have found an axe and simply chopped off the door. There was nothing calm or collected about us, but somehow, we seemed to accomplish it all in time. Whenever one of us was panicking too much, the other would comfort, if even for a few seconds.

 “What did she say? Should I go with you? I can’t go with this one, but I can take a later flight -” He was rambling on, every once in a while running a hand through his hair, as if that would somehow help him to find a solution.

“She said it was nothing bad, that it’s just a fever, so … I don’t KNOW, honestly.”

He took a few deep breaths and seemingly calmed down. There was a long queue for the check-in, and now, it had become my turn to worry. What if I don’t make the flight? My baby needs me … oh god, my baby needs me. MOVE, PEOPLE.

“Easy, darl’. You’ll make it. Don’t worry.” He said, as he rubbed my shoulders. Apparently, it had been easy to read my mind.

“I just want these people to move, damn it.”

“You’ll make it.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard.

“I’m going to miss you, Michael.”

“Likewise.” He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. “Next time, I’ll be coming over to you.”

“How long will we be doing that? Going back and forth?”

“Until you move over here, Cas.”

“What if I can’t?”

“It’s easy. You can.”

“Uuuugh. You’re so annoying.”

“I know. But you love it.” He leaned down and kissed me. It was soft and warm and, most importantly, made me want more. I longed for long mornings, with he and I and Teddy, sleeping in and going for English breakfast somewhere. I didn’t know if that would ever happen.

“Your turn.” He broke the kiss and pointed to the clerk at the desk. It was time.

( … )

Of course, just like my rational mind already knew, Teddy was absolutely fine. Probably just a cold, the doctor had told my mother, and as they’d made their way home he already felt better. As I’d almost kicked her door in to see my boy, hugged him for the longest time and cried a little, my rationality began to set in and I felt like a fool. Of course, I called Michael and reassured him, my mom chuckling at our nervousness in the background.

...

“Really, there was no point in going home earlier. I could have handled him fine, even if he had been worse. Not the first time I’m taking care of a baby, you know.”  My mom teased me, as we sat in front of the T.V. in the evening time.

“Ugh. I knoooow, Mom. I just got so worried.”

“And you lost precious time with that guy of yours.”

“He’s not … my … guy. Do people even say things like that, mom?”

“But you want him to be. And the other way around, too.”

“Don’t say things like that, Mom. It’s not that simple.”

“It is, Cas. It really is.”

“I can’t have that … long distance thing going on. And with all the things we’d been through, I’m just not … I’m not really sure of anything.” I felt a  sting in my heart as I lied to my mother. I knew exactly what I wanted. Michael’s arms, around me, in London, raising our boy and being together forever.

“I think you should move over to  him, darling.”

“Give me a break. It’s not that simple. What about you and Mr. Secret? I don’t see you and him running off into the sunset, either.”

She smiled as she looked down. She always looked so serene and universally happy when we talked about her boyfriend.

“He’s working a lot. He’s running a company, of sorts. But it’s not like we haven’t talked about it.”

“Well? What’s holding you back?”

“Things. I don’t know. All of our goddamn kids, maybe.” She said and I immediately burst into laughter along with her.

“No, it’s not that.” She said as we’d both recovered from the laughing. “He lives a bit far away, too. We want to make sure that this is going to work.”

“You see? Things are NOT that simple, mom. And with Michael, I’m just not … I can’t take that leap and just trust him forever. I can’t.”

“He did those things because he loved you, Cas.”

“That was a really weird way of showing it.”

“He’s a complicated guy.” She spoke softly as she looked at me. Something clicked inside of my mind, and I realized I had a question for her.

“You’ve never told me how you two met.”

“Oh, honey. That’s a long and dull story.”

“I have all the time in the world. C’mon, spill.”

“Uuuuugh.” She sighed and began to rub her forehead. Her telltale sign of “I reeeeally don’t want to do this.” Naturally, it only served to pique my curiosity.

“You’re going to hate me for this, Cassie.”

I was now beginning to become desperate for the information. What? What is it?

“I honestly believe that it’s not a scenario that hasn’t already played in my head, Mom. What is it?”

“Uuuugh, Cassie.”

“What? Is it that bad? Did you sleep with him or what?” I tried to not shudder at the thought, but the scenario wasn’t completely unrealistic. Michael being Michael and all. My mom having left a loveless marriage. It was clearly an option.

“What? God, no. Oh my God. That was NOT what happened.”

“Then what? And he’s not that hideous, Mom.” A small part of me was secretly relieved.

“Oh, Cas … how should I put this, honestly.” She rubbed the palms of her hands against her temples. “Well, I’ll just say it as it is. I contacted him, some time ago.”

“You … what? Why? How?” I looked at her, bewildered.

“You’ll have to understand, I did everything out of love, Cassie. I had never thought things would become so … complicated. With you falling pregnant again, and all that. I’m so, so sorry.” Her eyes were large and apologetic, the small lines around them making her look worried.

“When? I’m completely lost here, Mom.”

“It was … Teddy was around 5 months old. It was before that night when he was so fussy due to his shots.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sure you remember this better than me, darling, but you weren’t really well back then. Richard had just left, and you were struggling a lot.”

The sound of his name always felt like someone was ripping my heart out. A small glimpse of him, writing his farewell letter, played in my head like a bad movie.

“That’s true.”

“I wanted to help so much, Cassie. I really did. But with the divorce from your Dad and all … I couldn’t be there as much as I wanted to. I’m so, so sorry.”

I couldn’t believe my own ears. In an attempt to help me, she had … reached out to him?

“And I won’t ever forgive myself for letting you down that day. I am so sorry. I’ve yelled so much at myself for not helping you that day.”

“That … day?”

“The day with the breakdown in the supermarket. I’m absolutely heartbroken, Cassie. It should have been me that helped you. Not him.”

I felt my brows furrowing at the thought of past events.

“He told you about that?”

“Of course he did, honey.”

“I’m … I can’t believe it.”

“I had no idea you were so -“ She was struggling to find the right words.

“... far out.”

“I really didn’t.”

“It’s okay, Mom. I’m okay now.”

A strange silence fell upon us, my Mom looking down on her hands and me, trying to find out what we were even watching on the T.V.

“So, you don’t hate me? For having contacted him?”

“What? No, Mom. Oh my God.”

“Even with the … “

“Even with everything.” I smiled at her and took her hand in mine.

“I still think you should go to him. Go and live there. You’ll find an apartment and Teddy will go to daycare, and things will work out.”

I sighed. “I can’t. I can’t leave all … this.”

“He loves you, you know. And I know you love him.”

I looked at her, defeated and tired.  She smiled back at me like only a mother could.

( … )

“Are you actually right outside?” I asked the face on my phone screen, as I struggled to get a new nappy attached to Teddy. My Mom’s kitchen was way too small for this kind of work, and it took a lot of skillful planning to change a baby all the while not dropping any of the required items on the floor, and like that I had simply put the phone on a shelf so I could finish up.

“I am.” He smiled back and exhaled a puff from his cigarette. The sun was illuminating his face, and I couldn’t remember when he had looked this happy. I couldn’t wait to go outside and throw my arms around him.

“I have the weirdest surprise for you, Cas.” He half-chuckled into the phone. “You’re never gonna believe it.”

“What? Aaaaand there we go, Teddy. Look! There’s Daddy!” I took the boy on my arm and took the phone so the two of them could see each other. Teddy giggled happily at the sight of his dad, and Michael’s face turned into an even happier one.

I went out the kitchen and through the hallway to fetch the door to let Michael in.

“Moooom! He’s here.”

“Okaaa-ay!” I heard a muffled reply from the upstairs bathroom.

I opened the door and Michael was there, hugging and kissing both Teddy and me. I felt tears of joy running down my cheeks and promised myself that I would never be apart from him for this long again.

“What was the surprise?” I asked as I handed Teddy over to Michael. Teddy immediately began to pull at Michael’s beard.

Michael simply smiled at me as he took a step to the side, revealing the broad, large man behind him. I hadn’t seen him in ages, and I was beyond surprised.

“Nathan! Oh my God! What are you doing here??” I exclaimed as I pulled him in for a big hug. As we stood there, I heard my mom clearing her throat behind us.  She had finished up and had come down the stairs to greet our guests.

“There’s … there’s something I wanted to tell you for some time now, Cassie.” I let go of Nathan, and in the next second, my mom ran into his arms.

My hands flew to my mouth as the surprise set in.

#thunder 40 #the thunder series #thunder series #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction #Thunderstorm

[voyages-extraordinaires]

C:R ~VE~ Epilogue

Dearest Grandfather,

I promised you a longer letter, and unfortunately I will not be able to do so yet. You see, I’m writing to you from…

-----

“The Cannon Club?!”

Barbicane’s eyes go wide as he looks at the letter in his hands.

“Yes,” replies the Count. “Nicholas found them in America, in the city of Baltimore.”

“An assembly of like-minded individuals pursuing the sciences of rockets, fireworks, and projectiles!” Barbicane reads aloud. “Cardia, it’s just like the Old Man--! When I came up with that name, I had no idea it was an actual thing! I mean, of course I had no idea, I was just a kid... Old Man...”

She beams at him, and he barely takes a breath before he continues scanning the letter.

“You’re not going to believe this, everyone—they want to sponsor the moon trip! They—they want us to come to America, to put our heads together and research! I…”

Tears are welling up in his eyes, and Nemo jumps up to give him a pat on the back.

“Everyone, I… with this, I won’t need Queen Victoria’s patronage anymore. We’re really… we’re really going full steam ahead! My angel and I really will be walking on the moon!!”

-----

We’re in the state of Maryland, on the east coast of the United States of America. The Cannon Club is just as loud and bombastic as Barbicane (with quite a few members leaning towards Nemo’s loudness).

It’s the four of us again: Barbicane, Cardia, Nemo, and myself. We plan on staying in Baltimore for a month or two to research the Gravity Alleviator with the scientists of the Cannon Club.

They have already determined the ideal location for the cannon launch when the time comes: the state of Florida. I don’t know that much about it, but given its proximity to South America perhaps I can convince Nemo to accompany me on a trip to the Amazon River once we see Barbicane and Cardia safely back on Earth.

Before we left Steel London, Cardia made the Lupin Gang promise to reunite upon our return. It will be so chaotic when that happens, you would love it.

Finis returned to Wales, he was saying something about a gargantuan fork. I didn’t catch all of it.

Aouda and Philomena Fogg are still in Steel London, much to Nemo’s delight. Sometimes I think Aouda might be even more excited about the wedding than I am. Fogg is… herself. We’re all holding our breaths in anticipation of her latest adventure against time.

Cyrene Smith returned to Lincoln Island. She’s working hard on rooting out Aleister’s influence, though she says it looks like he pulled out most of said roots himself. He must have lost interest. More importantly, it looks like she really is collaborating with a scientist who wants to go to the center of the Earth! … I’m wishing her luck with that one. I suppose it isn’t any more ambitious than shooting a cannon to the moon.

Hatteras seems to be settling into the sanitarium well. I visit him often and, though he never says it, he seems to enjoy my company. He tells me that he’s taken up stargazing lately. He’s at his happiest when he sees the same stars he saw at the North Pole.

-----

“Daaaaaaarliiiing!” Nemo leans against the doorway. “Have you written about our wedding yeeeet?”

“Ah, not yet…”

-----

We will be back in London before the start of summer. Nemo’s already declared that, and I can’t believe I’m even writing this, we will be wed at the infamous Black Gathering! I can’t say that I agree with his idea, but there’s a part of me that can’t help but think that it might be fun.

-----

“Oh-ho! I told you, ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks’! Ohhh… it will be woooonderful to take to the skies again, my lovely bride at my side as I decimate all who would dare rise against meeeee…!”

“Nemo! It’s rude to read over others’ shoulders!”

-----

I think I’ve been around Nemo too long.

-----

I glance up at Nemo, and he looks back at me with a smile before blowing me a kiss.

-----

Before that happens, I want to return to Paris so that I can introduce you to him. Maybe you can convince him that a wedding among pirates and mafiosos would be a bad idea.

No, I’m certain that you’ll love him. The both of you have artistic souls, even if the mediums differ.

-----

“I look foooooorward to it,” says Nemo. He sits down next to me and leans contentedly on my shoulder, letting out a happy sigh.

-----

I’m afraid I need to cut this letter off now. Nemo is pestering me for attention.

-----

“And you say that I’m mean,” Nemo mutters, even as he leans over and gives my neck a teasing kiss.

“You’re denying it?” I try to look serious, but I can’t stop myself from laughing as his lips tickle my skin.

-----

Say hello to Conseil and Ned Land for me, and tell Conseil to hurry up and accept Ned’s sailing offer. Exploring Canada sounds like a wonderful opportunity for discovery!

I will write to you soon.

Your loving granddaughter,

Pauline

-----

As soon as I fold the paper closed, I have to fend off Nemo’s affections using my pen as though it were a sword. He calmly plucks it from my hands and gives me a playful kiss on the lips.

“Don’t tell me you left the research meeting early just for a few kisses?” I put a finger to his lips.

“Mn... who says I’m stooooooopping at a few kisses?” He puckers his lips and gives my fingers a kiss before pushing forward so he’s closer to me.

“That’s not the Nemo I know,” I say, even as he makes me lean back against the seat cushion. “He knows I’m here whenever he wants closeness, right...?”

I rub my nose against his.

“So he wouldn’t leave fun research for just this.”

Nemo pulls back with a grin, giving a shrug of his shoulders. “You really haaaaaaaave been around me too long. Fiiiiiine, fiiiiiiine!”

He stands up straight and hands me a parcel. “This just came in.  It’s really heavy! Heavy packages are the beeeeest!”

Nemo claps his hands excitedly before his lips are drawn into a frown. “Howeeeever, it looks like it was sent by that Apooostle... so I doubt there are any fun machine parts in there...”

“Machine parts would likely be addressed to you or Barbicane, anyhow,” I say. I straighten out my glasses before opening the parcel. I’m immediately greeted with the scent of antique paper and binding, and I look down at the neat envelope resting on top of nicely-wrapped paper.

“An engagement gift from Saint Germain and Saint Nicholas...” I read aloud. “Something for you to always believe in.”

I look down at the gift and tilt my head.

“Who’s Saint Nicholas...?” Nemo tilts his head as well, knocking it against mine.

“I don’t know,” I say. “The only Saint Nicholas I know is...”

Nemo sighs deeply. “Now I know where Impey got that ridiculous Santa Claus fantasy from, at least.”

“It’s a bit out of season,” I say as I begin to unwrap the present. “It’s barely even May!”

But my punctuation is forced out of my mouth in a gasp when I see the familiar book underneath the paper.

“Timaeus, Critias, and More Dialogues by Plato...” Nemo reads. “My, my, what a lofty book for a little girl to reeeeead!”

“... It’s the same edition and everything,” my voice is tight. “The very same edition as my grandfather’s. I, I know everything about this book. I...”

I open it up and begin to thumb through the pages.

“I know exactly where-- look! I can still open it up to the exact page!” I look over at Nemo, who’s resting his cheek on his hand and smiling at me.

“You look reeeeally cute right now...” he says. “Keep on going. I want to see all of it.”

I blush sheepishly and shake my head before looking back down at the volume and beginning to read:

“In front of the mouth which you call 'the Pillars of Heracles,' there lay an island...”

I squint at the margin.

There, in fine ink, was written something that made my fingers begin to tremble.

“Hm?” Nemo looks from my expression to my trembling hand, then to my finger as I shakily lift it and point to the writing.

“N-Nemo, they’re... they look like... are they?”

Nemo adjusts his goggles and looks at the writing. “They do appear to be coordinates, love.”

I clutch the book in both of my hands and stand up, running over to one of the Cannon Club’s many bookshelves and scouring it for an atlas.

My fingers are shaking so badly that I can barely hold onto the book of dialogues, let alone pull out the tome of maps I eventually find. I breathe a sigh of relief when Nemo saunters next to me and pulls it down, laying it out on a table.

Even though Nemo is the biggest skeptic I know, even he swallows in anticipation as he quickly pinpoints the coordinates listed in the book.

My vision blurs as I look at the map, and I quickly step back so my tears don’t stain the paper.

“It is... it really is... beyond the Pillars!” I try to wipe my eyes, but find it difficult while holding the large book in my arms. “I... wi-with everything we know about the Count, I feel like... maybe I can really believe...”

Nemo lets out a deep sigh before walking over to me and wiping my cheeks with his thumb.

I shake my head, smiling. “You can laugh if you want. I mean, the idea of this being real is... is...”

But Nemo pulls me to his chest, resting his chin on my head and gently petting my hair.

“You’re excited, aaaaren’t you?”

I nod, my tears breaking into laughter. “They might be, they really might be... the coordinates... it might be the lost city of...” A hiccup interrupts my words.

“After we see Impey Barbicane and my sister go to the moon, what shall we do then?” He pulls back and tilts my chin up, pushing his goggles onto his forehead so we can look at each other clearly.

“... Come with me, disciple of natural science.”

Though his voice is calmer, those words make memories come filtering through my haze of excitement.

Back to when bars first separated us, our very first meeting.

“Nemo...”

“Nothing is impossible for meeee!” he continues his quotation. I will create a ship dedicated to discovery!”

He bends down and kisses my forehead.

“Even if there’s nothing, even if there’s everything... any expedition in the name of science is a nooooble one! Let me take you on another journey of a thoooousand lifetimes, my daaaarling!”

It’s been almost a year, but I remember my reply clearly, and repeat it:

“I don’t want to go on this voyage with anyone but you, Nemo.”

“Pinky proooomise?”

I shake my head, biting my lip to stop my laughter.

“Not this time.”

I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his, and he reciprocates, threading his fingers through my hair and holding me tight.

It’s a promise.

[nipsutin91]

TMI no one asked because I’m hella bored

1. What is you middle name? - Susanna

2. How old are you? - 27 but soon turning 28

3. When is your birthday? - 24.3.1991

4. What is your zodiac sign? - Aries

5. What is your favorite color? - Don’t have one, all colors are nice

6. What’s your lucky number? - 13

7. Do you have any pets? - Officially I have a cat, but it lives with my parents now. But he is always my baby boy and I miss him badly.

8. Where are you from? - Finland

9. How tall are you? - 161 cm(about 5′3) so not that tall.

10. What shoe size are you? - 40 or 41(about 25.4/25.7 cm)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? - Maaaany, but I only use three pairs.

12. What was your last dream about? - Can’t remember.

13. What talents do you have? - Singing, rapping(I’m not very good tho but I try). I love to try new styles in singing.

14. Are you psychic in any way? - I want to believe I am.

15. Favorite song? - Right now... Propably Stray Kids’ My Pace. I can relate to that song so much.

16. Favorite movie? - I don’t know, but propably one of the horror movies I have watched. Or Tim Burton movie, I love them.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? - Too hard question to answer. Maybe someone who is as open-minded and kind of out place kid as I am. I still feel like I don’t belong anywhere so I am all over the place.

18. Do you want children? - Not really. Maybe if someone that great comes along that I really want to start a family, sure. But for now I’m not really into the idea. I like pets more.

19. Do you want a church wedding? - Again, not a big fan of the idea.

20. Are you religious? - I believe in something, but I don’t necessary believe in God and all the things in the Bible. I have kind of made up my own beliefs.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? - Two times.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? - No. I have been a good kid.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? - Some Finnish ones and some Japanese.

24. Baths or showers? - SAUNA!

25. What color socks are you wearing? - I’m not wearing any right now.

26. Have you ever been famous? - Not that I know of.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? - Naaahh.

28. What type of music do you like? - I can listen all kinds of music, but mostly I listen either metal and rock or kpop and jpop(or Japanese music in general). I also love instrumental music a lot.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? - When I was little.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? - On my back, or on my left side.

32. How big is your house? - I live in a two-room apartment.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? - Eggs, and sometimes bacon.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? - No.

35. Have you ever tried archery? - No, but I really want to!

36. Favorite clean word? - Ummm....

37. Favorite swear word? - In Finnish; voi saatana, vittu. In English; fuck, god dammit.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? - Maybe about two days? I’m not sure.

39. Do you have any scars? - Yes, many. Who doesn’t?

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? - Then he/she was so secret that I never got to know.

41. Are you a good liar? - No. I’m very bad at it.

42. Are you a good judge of character? - I think so.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? - Yeah if I reeeeally try.

44. Do you have a strong accent? - I don’t think so.

45. What is your favorite accent? - Irish and Australian accents are so fun to listen, I like them a lot.

46. What is your personality type? - I will throw in some 16 personalities shit. According to that test my personality type is INFJ and I don’t have hard time believing that.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? - Shoes? I don’t use a lot of money on clothes.

48. Can you curl your tongue? - Yeeeeeah.

49. Are you an innie or an outie? - I’m something in between. I don’t like to be alone at home that much and that’s why I usually visit some friends or just go somewhere by myself but I don’t like to be a long time away from home.

50. Left or right handed? - Leftieee.

51. Are you scared of spiders? - Not the little ones but the big ones are so scary.

52. Favorite food? - I don’t have one.

53. Favorite foreign food? - Sushi.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? - I think I’m pretty clean.

55. Most used phrased? - Umm..

56. Most used word? - Ummm!

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? - 10 minutes if I’m very fast.

58. Do you have much of an ego? - More now than before but I’m still pretty ego-free person. I think.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? - Suck.

60. Do you talk to yourself? - All the time!

61. Do you sing to yourself? - Of course, again, all the time.

62. Are you a good singer? - Yeah.

63. Biggest Fear? - To be left alone.

64. Are you a gossip? - No I hate that.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? - Is Black Swan dramatic?

66. Do you like long or short hair? - More on the shorter side.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? - Hell no. Can even all the Americans do that?

68. Favorite school subject? - Art, Finnish and English.

69. Extrovert or Introvert? - More on a introverted side.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? - No.

71. What makes you nervous? - When I am center of attention.

72. Are you scared of the dark? - Sometimes, but mostly not.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? - Sometimes.

74. Are you ticklish? - Yes.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? - I don’t think so. I hope I’m not.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? - I can’t remember.

77. Have you ever drank underage? - Actually... I think I did not drink much underage. I mean I tasted alcohol but never really drank. So I guess not.

78. Have you ever done drugs? - No.

79. Who was your first real crush? - Someone in my junior high school.

80. How many piercings do you have? - Two.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ - Of courrrrrrse.

82. How fast can you type? - I don’t know. I would say I’m pretty fast writer.

83. How fast can you run? - Not fast.

84. What color is your hair? - Blonde.

85. What color is your eyes? - Dark greyish blue.

86. What are you allergic to? - Nothing!

87. Do you keep a journal? - I write once in a while.

88. What do your parents do? - They are both retired. They use to have a farm.

89. Do you like your age? - I actually hope I could be a bit younger. There is a lot of pressure about several things right now.

90. What makes you angry? - Insensitive people.

91. Do you like your own name? - I have grown used to it, I still like my middle name more.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? - Nooooooooo.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? - Both are fine, I don’t have preference.

94. What are you strengths? - I get along with most people, I’m pretty positive and smile a alot.

95. What are your weaknesses? - Too soft and also insecure.

96. How did you get your name? - I don’t remember even though I have asked that before. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.

97. Were your ancestors royalty? - That would be cool! But I don’t think so.

98. Do you have any scars? - Eyyyyy are you playing with me? I have many scars as I said already.

99. Color of your bedspread? - Grey

100. Color of your room?  - Depends on which room. My bedroom has a wallpaper which is very pretty but it’s kind of light. So nothing crazy there.

#tmi #no one asked for this #but did it anyway #I also don't find the original post #so greeeaat

[justjen523]

A Child With the Gods

Chapter 11

(Series Rating E 18+)

WARNING: SUPER fluffy chapter! 

                                     Hidden In Plain Sight

     “WHAT?!” Zyglavis, Leon and Ichthys all yelled in unison. 

     “S-Seriously? Y-You’re not joking around are you Hue? Cause that would be realllllly mean...”

     “I would never joke about something this important. You are indeed the Father of her other child. I must say though, you are the last one I would have expected it to be however.”

     “Whaaa? Why?”

     “Pffft seriously? The fish raising a kid? What a nightmare...”

     “H-Hey! I will be the best Father in the world thank you very much! Just wait and see...”

     “A child raising a child. I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong.”

     “Even you Zig? I expected as much from these two but...you guys really are jerks.”

     “And just where do you think you’re going all of the sudden?”

     “Yeah, I don’t believe Ponytail signed your permission slip.”

     “I’m supposed to stay and listen to your shitty comments? Noooo thank you! I’m going to go check on her, besides, I’d figure you guys would be happy to be rid of the kid sitting at the grown-ups table.” Ichthys left in a hurry trying not to be so angry. He just discovered he was going to be a Father and he really didn’t feel like sticking around for that kind of nonsense. 

     “Do you think we may have been a little too hard on him?”

     “Well, it was pretty shitty if I’m speaking plainly. He may be a pain in the ass but the kids got a good heart.”

     “Yes, that seems to be his one redeeming quality. Even I can see as much.”

       Ichthys entered the room watching her steady breathing. A tender smile automatically formed as it always had just from looking at her kind and beautiful face. As he sat down next to her his eyes moved to where his unborn child currently resided and a rush of many different emotions flooded every fiber of his being. Fear however seemed to take precedence. Fear that he would never live long enough to see his child grow. 

     Carefully and gently he placed his hand upon her belly before softly resting his head there as well. Unimaginable joy swelled within him as he heard the two children moving around. He was determined to be a good father and prove all of them that they were wrong. More than anything though he wanted for her to believe it too. He loved her deeply like they all did but somewhere along the way through their many adventures together that love grew into something far more precious. 

     She may be in love with Zyglavis and she may never think of him as anything but a good friend but it would never change the love he carried for her deep in his heart. She had been his motivation and happiness when he struggled to find the will to make it through another day. Just being able to be there for her whenever she needed him gave his life purpose and had finally soothed the fear he had always carried about his mortality. How he felt at this very moment was something he wished would last for all eternity.

       As I opened my eyes everything was still blurry. I blinked several times waiting for my vision to come into focus and when it did I found myself laying in my bed. Feeling a warmth collecting near my womb I gazed down and was surprised to find someone I hadn’t really had much time to see or talk to in quite a long time. 

     “I-Ich-thys.”

     “Woah! You’re finally awake? Thank goodness....you had us all really worried.”

     “W-What happened?” 

     “You fainted from exhaustion and emotional overload. Leon carried you back here and we’ve been looking after you since.”

     “H-How long was I out for?”

     “Several hours. Are you not getting enough rest at night?”

     “No, it’s not that....” The sudden onslaught of memories leading up to my unconsciousness overwhelmed me and once again I suddenly found myself sobbing painfully. Ichthys didn’t hesitate, he was there with a shoulder to cry on and a gentle touch to help soothe my broken heart. He didn’t say a word nor did he complain, he just let me get it out and held me till it subsided gently pulling his fingers through my hair.

     I always felt badly when the playful fun loving god of Pisces had to be the strong silent type for me. I felt like it went against the grain of his true nature and it always left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. 

     “I’m so sorry Ikky....I hate that you have to see me like this..”

     “Like what? The beautifully sad woman who isn’t having a great moment?”

     “But...”

     “You’re so shortsighted sometimes you know? I mean geeze, what kinda friend leaves someone they love to suffer alone? Or did ya think I didn’t really care?”

     “...”

     “Silly girl, I am ALWAYS on your side no matter what. Even if I don’t agree with something that doesn’t mean I won’t always be there for you you know? You’re very...special to me.”

     “I-Ikky?”

     “I mean come ooooooon! Who else is gonna make you laugh like I do? Not to mention there’s seriously no one who gets me the way you do! Plus we both reallllly love teriyaki like sooo much! There are still so many flavors we haven’t even tried yet!”

     “Ha-Hahaha!” I can’t help but burst into laughter watching him try so hard to cheer me up. 

     “Yay I totally made you laugh! See? Admit it, you can’t live without me!”

     “You’re totally right, there’s like noooo way I ever could!”

     “You’re not making fun of a god are you? You knoooooow what happens when you doooo!”

     “N-No! D-Don’t Ikky!”

     “Tooo bad! Shoulda thought of that before you decided to mock me!” Ichthys starts tickling me all over making me laugh so hard I nearly pee my pants.

     “Stop! Haha! I surrender! I surrender! Please! Ahahaha! Have mercy!” Thankfully he obliges though we are still laughing. It isn’t till we finally calm down that I realize that amidst the tickling and flailing about I ended up practically nestled in his arms. When our eyes meet my heart starts racing like it always does when I’m this close to Ichthys. He has a beauty about him none of the others share. His nearly androgynous appearance coupled with his boyish charm is dangerous for the heart when in close proximity.  A sudden blush warms my cheeks and trying to distract both of us from that fact I rest my head against his chest like I always do whenever he comforts me through things.

     “I missed you, you know. It feels like ages since we laughed together like this.”

     “Yeah, work has been crazy busy lately and with you dating Zig it hasn’t left us much room for it.”

     “Yeah well, Zyglavis and I aren’t together anymore. Not after....”

     “It’s fine, you don’t have to say it. But don’t you think you at least owe him a chance to explain? I mean, I know Zig can be reeeeally rough around the edges but I promise you he really cares about you a lot.”

     “Yeah? So much so that he kept the fact that he was in love with someone else a secret the whole time WE were dating?!”

     “Woah hey now...don’t overdo it again. I get why you’re upset but those two have always had a..uhh...different kind of relationship.They never ever spoke about it or even displayed the slightest hint but we all knew.”

     “I wish I could have seen it before he broke my heart...”

     “I know. Me too. I totally HATE it when you’re sad and miserable. I feel like I have to really step up my game to make you smile again.” His sincere words bring tears to my eyes but not out of sadness. Our relationship has always been kind of like it’s somehow...bittersweet. We make an incredible pair of friends and god knows he is EXTREMELY gifted between the sheets. My happiness has always been his top priority when we’re together and he’s always the one at my side when one of the others makes a mess of things with me. I wonder if Ikky and I could have been or maybe still can be....lovers. It’s too soon to even think that way but even now the gentle smile on his face...

     ‘I wonder...’ Our eyes meet and just as I’m reaching the part where I always end up looking away, without thinking I lean in and kiss his lips softly. At first I can feel him tense up but he doesn’t pull away either. When our lips part his eyes are wide filled with surprise and a light pink dusts his cheeks.

     “W-What was that for?”

     “I love you Ikky, that’s all.” I tell him truthfully. 

     “L-Love? Umm....you shouldn’t use that word so lightly around me. I may get the wrong idea ya know.” It’s absolutely precious to see him so flustered  I can barely hide my smile. Just as I’m about to say something I feel my babies suddenly become very active. 

     “Uh oh....we might have woken them up!” I smile placing my hands to my belly. When I look at Ichthys there’s a light in his eyes I’ve never seen before as he smiles back.

     “M-May I?” Realizing what he means I take his hand in mine and place it over the area I can feel the most thumping. When I do Ichthys suddenly seems to go into some strange sort of trance, his eyelashes fluttering across his closed eyes. 

     “Ikky? Is everything okay?” He doesn’t answer. When I start to panic I realize his hand is still resting on my stomach. As I look a little more closely I am startled to see that once again a tiny precious little hand is pushing against me from within simply resting against Ichthys’ hand. That’s when it finally dawns on me.

     “Ichthys is the other Father....” I whisper into the air speaking to no one but myself as Ichthys still seems far away. My babies, they are demigods, naturally they both would have some sort of special ability. Zyglavis’ child was able to manipulate light....!!!! Like Daddy manipulates shadows!

     “O-Oh my gosh! It all makes sense!” But wait...what is my other child’s ability? If Ichthys’ ability is to heal wounds....then what? Ichthys suddenly gasps like he hadn’t been breathing the entire time. When our eyes meet it alarms me to see tears streaming down his cheeks.

     “I-Ikky! Are you okay?! What happened?!” Still panting he smiles at me looking strangely relieved, his eyes twinkling from the tears.

     “My child....showed me a future where all of us are happy!”

     “I-I’m not sure I follow...”

     “This isn’t the first time this has happened right? You saw a happy future with some of the others too didn’t you?”

     “I...”

     “You only saw them when you were sad and heartbroken or lonely right?”

     “Errm...yes I...think so?”

     “Don’t you see? My parents have the ability to heal illnesses, I have the ability to heal wounds. Our child has the ability to heal the heart.”

     “Oh...Oh my god! Ikky! I’m...oh my god I’m so happy I...ahaha I’m crying!” As he pulls me into a tight hug I feel like a weight in my heart has started to lift. Ichthys is the Father of my other child. No matter what happens now we are forever bound together by our little miracle. There’s an indescribable happiness simply knowing that.

     “I didn’t realize finding out what our baby’s special ability is would make you soooo incredibly happy! Haha! You’re practically glowing!”

     “Ahaha! That’s not why silly!”

     “Huh?”

     “It’s because I just found out YOU are the Daddy!” 

     “Whaaaa? H-Hey! What’d I tell you about saying that kind of stuff?”

     “Interpret it however you want! The simple truth is I am so happy to have you in my life Ichthys. Even more so now that together the two of us have created this beautiful little life. What’s more precious and wonderful than that?” His smile disappears a moment as he stares at me in wonder. Slowly he reaches out cupping my cheek in his cool hand before giving me a smile that reflects so much more than simple contentment or happiness. 

     “I-Ichthys...”

     “I know I am not Zyglavis. I don’t have Hue’s snarky wit, Leon’s cocky charm, Karno’s eternal guidance or Teo’s beauty, but I mean it when I tell you this. I...I love you. I love you like I never even understood the meaning of the word until you came into my life. Since I met you I felt true joy for the first time. I stopped worrying everyday about my mortality because I was too excited at the thought of what we could do next time we spent time together. You have become irreplaceable to me no matter how you feel now or ever about me. For me there is no world I can exist in without you in it. Even if we only ever stay friends I promise to always be there for you and protect you no matter what. I will never EVER break your heart because you knoooow I can’t stand to see you cry. You’re far too beautiful to ever have to shed tears. I just want you to be happy. Now and forever and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that happens, kay?” I feel terrible especially since he just said he can’t stand to see me cry but how could anyone not after hearing such a confession?

     “Oh Ikky. My precious, darling Ikky.” I sob into his chest, my arms wrapped as tightly as possible around his strong torso. As always he is there just like he promised to hold me and comfort me even now. I’ve been so caught up in my own little world I never saw the love that he harbored for me even though it was right in front of my face.

     “I...I don’t deserve you Ikky. I’m so sorry...for everything.”

     “Sorry? For what? Giving my life purpose? Making me super happy not to mention the happiest daddy in all the world? You are suuuuuuper mean if you’re actually sorry for those things!”

     “Wait what!?”

    “Ahaha! Jooooking!” I can’t help but laugh and playfully punch him in the arm.

     “Now who’s the meanie!”

     “Pffft...Hahaha!” We just hold each other for a while not saying anything. Just simply relieved from being able to talk to each other about everything that’s been weighing so heavily on us. I can’t help but breathe a sigh of contentment.

     “Wellllll.....you are right about one thing.”

     “Oh? What’s that?”

     “I am waaaaaay too good for you!”

     “Wait what!?”

     “I mean seriously, you have a long way to go if you’re ever gonna keep up with me when it comes to teriyaki.”

     “Haha what?!”

     “Just wait till you see all the crazy new flavors I found!”

     “Oh heaven’s help me!”

     “Hey, you’ve got to make sure our son is well fed! If he’s annnnything like me you are in BIG trouble!”

     “I’ll have you know I eat just - ! Wait what did you just say?! Son?!”

     “Yuuuuuup! He showed me a future where we are both happy. Wouldn’t it make sense that he’d be a part of it?”

     “I...haha oh my god! I...I have a son?!”

     “It’s true! Congratulations Mama!”

#star crossed myth #scm #scm fanfic #scm smut #a child with the gods

[hommebizarre]

What's It Like To Have ADD?

by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D.

(and some follow-up commentary by me.)

“What is it like to have ADD? What is the feel of the syndrome? I have a short talk that I often give to groups as an introduction to the subjective experience of ADD and what it is like to live with it:

Attention Deficit Disorder. First of all I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? As far as I can see, many people who don't have ADD are charter members of the Congenitally Boring.

But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have ADD? Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's reeeeally frustrating not being able to see very well. Or it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.

In other ways it's like being super-charged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that which makes it really hard to stay on task.

Plus which, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, whistling, looking here, looking there, scratching, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence. God save me from the reading rooms. Have you ever been into the one in Widener Library? The only thing that saves it is that so many of the people who use it have ADD that there's a constant soothing bustle.

What is it like to have ADD? Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADD, this does not happen. In ADD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.

Museums. (Have you noticed how I skip around? That's part of the deal. I change channels a lot. And radio stations. Drives my wife nuts. "Can't we listen to just one song all the way through?") Anyway, museums. The way I go through a museum is the way some people go through Filene's basement. Some of this, some of that, oh, this one looks nice, but what about that rack over there? Gotta hurry, gotta run. It's not that I don't like art. I love art. But my way of loving it makes most people think I'm a real Philistine. On the other hand, sometimes I can sit and look at one painting for a long while. I'll get into the world of the painting and buzz around in there until I forget about everything else. In these moments I, like most people with ADD, can hyperfocus, which gives the lie to the notion that we can never pay attention. Sometimes we have turbocharged focusing abilities. It just depends upon the situation.

Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the hell of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADD, lack tact. Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADD types don't do this so well. I remember in the fifth grade I noticed my math teacher's hair in a new style and blurted out, "Mr. Cook, is that a toupe you're wearing?" I got kicked out of class. I've since learned how to say these inappropriate things in such a way or at such a time that they can in fact be helpful. But it has taken time. That's the thing about ADD. It takes a lot of adapting to get on in life. But it certainly can be done, and be done very well.

As you might imagine, intimacy can be a problem if you've got to be constantly changing the subject, pacing, scratching and blurting out tactless remarks. My wife has learned not to take my tuning out personally, and she says that when I'm there, I'm really there. At first, when we met, she thought I was some kind of nut, as I would bolt out of restaurants at the end of meals or disappear to another planet during a conversation. Now she has grown accustomed to my sudden coming and goings.

Many of us with ADD crave high-stimulus situations. In my case, I love the racetrack. And I love the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy. And I love having lots of people around. Obviously this tendency can get you into trouble, which is why ADD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and criminals, violent people, drug abusers, and alcoholics. But is is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly energetic, highly productive people.

Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADD has been diagnosed, and the child or the adult, with the help of teachers and parents or spouses, friends, and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck to himself and everybody else, that person starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADD among females as we are looking for it.

Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the short cut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.

These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind, they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.

What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted.

The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like, "lazy", "stubborn", "willful", "disruptive", "impossible", "tyrannical", "a spaceshot", "brain damaged", "stupid", or just plain "bad". Making the diagnosis of ADD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment.

What is the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls. Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. Getting help where you need it, whether it's having a secretary, or an accountant, or an automatic bank teller, or a good filing system, or a home computer, getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.

Let me leave you by telling you that we need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.

The main point of the talk is that there is a more complex subjective experience to ADD than a list of symptoms can possibly impart. ADD is a way of life, and until recently it has been hidden, even from the view of those who have it. The human experience of ADD is more than just a collection of symptoms. It is a way of living. Before the syndrome is diagnosed that way of living may be filled with pain and misunderstanding. After the diagnosis is made, one often finds new possibilities and the chance for real change.

The adult syndrome of ADD, so long unrecognized, is now at last bursting upon the scene. Thankfully, millions of adults who have had to think of themselves as defective or unable to get their acts together, will instead be able to make the most of their considerable abilities. It is a hopeful time indeed.”

This is so painfully accurate. It’s funny because sometimes I have the thought, “...but am I really ADD?” The answer is yes, Hanna. You’re really fucking ADD. 

Sometimes it’s hard. He describes what it feels like to have ADD using the metaphor, “...it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on.” 

Bare with me as I go off-track. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19, which is kind of crazy to think about in hindsight. Basically since birth I was “problematic”, “rebellious”, “a huge pain in the ass”, etc. My mother brought me to a psychologist at a fairly young age. She told me that she knew something wasn’t “right” before I could even speak. You would think I would have been diagnosed as a child, but what doctors diagnosed me with was always some sorts of anxiety and/or depressive disorder. It makes sense, because these are things I dealt with and continue to deal with, but now I know that they are just symptoms of the core condition: ADD.

My childhood is blurry. I have more than once described it as the kind of white noise you’d see on a disconnected cable television channel. I described it that way before even knowing I had ADD. Since my diagnosis, I have found more than one similar metaphor from other’s attempting to explain what it is like to have the “disorder.” P.S. I fucking hate calling it a disorder. It sounds bad and I’m not bad, I’m just different. ANYWAY, (lol) it’s fascinating to me to be the way I am and to find people that describe how I feel so accurately. The reason why it’s so fascinating is because It’s easy to feel alone. This whole thing is an incredibly isolating experience for me. 

I still struggle with the fear of others rejecting me because “I’m weird.” It stems from people rejecting me my entire childhood because “I’m weird.” As a 23 year old, I still occasionally experience the “ugh she’s weird” look. I can’t tell if it’s less frequent as I grow older or if I just care less than I once did. Probably a mixture of both. I accept myself more than I ever have, but I still have work to do in the self-love department. Don’t we all? 

As I previously stated, sometimes it’s hard. But as the author explained, people tend to focus on the bad parts. If you look past the few bad parts, you will find an incredible amount of good parts. Upon figuring out what the fuck was even happening, I figured out how to harness my hyperactivity and melded it into productivity. It takes work, and I honestly can’t even tell you how I’ve got where I currently am, but I am living proof that having ADD is more good than it is bad if you can just sift through the bad parts. 

In closing, I would like to thank all the people that accept me for who I am. I know so many people that graciously give me the platform to let my genuine character thrive and that’s honestly all I want out of this life. Having support from those who love me and accept me as I am makes this whole experience a helluvalot easier. 

And to the people who give me dirty looks and think “I’m weird,” grow up already, will ya?

Love,

Hanna