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Thunder #42

“He’s fussy today. I don’t know what’s up with him. I’m really sorry, if I had known I’d have left him at my Mum’s …”

Teddy was bawling his eyes out while I was desperately trying to make him calm down by pushing his baby carrier slightly back and forth. 

It’d been that way since we got off the plane. 

“Easy, darl’. Hold up. I’ll park right over here.” Michael took a turn and parked the car at a rest area that had magically appeared. 

There, he exited and got Teddy out of the carrier in an instant. I procured a bottle of milk and passed it on, and in a matter of minutes Teddy managed to calm down in his dad’s arms. A couple of minutes more, and the boy was sound asleep, his tiny fingers wrapped around the bottle.

“Don’t ever say that, Cas. That you should’ve let him stay at home. He’s my boy.” Michael said as he rocked him gently.

“I know. I just feel bad. That he’s been this way, and-”

“Don’t. It’s fine. Look at him, all asleep and happy now.” Michael looked at the boy and I felt my heart soar.

“Besides. It’s probably just the English air. He doesn’t like it.” He said and picked his box of cigarettes from his pocket before handing it to me. I lit one up and made sure to stand a bit from Teddy so the smoke wouldn’t bother him. The nicotine shooting through my body made me feel calmer.

“Oh, is that so? The dreadful, English air, huh?” 

“Mm-hmm.” He replied while rocking Teddy gently. “You should have seen me. The first couple of weeks I was crying my heart out too. We don’t like it.”

I bit my cheek from laughing too loudly at his remark.

“Oh. Yeah, I understand. It must be terrible.” I teased back and put out the cigarette. Michael put Teddy into the carrier again, and miraculously, he didn’t wake up. Within moments, we were back on the road.

 “You sent out the RSVPs yet?”

“Not yet, no.” I replied as we took a turn from the motorway and headed towards the central London. Teddy was still sound asleep. “Planning to do it tonight, though. I’ll just send them by Facebook.”

“Facebook? I thought you were going to mail them.”

“Not the way it works today, old man.”

Michael smirked at my remark and grabbed my thigh, teasing me. “What about Yasmin? I’m sure she doesn’t have one.”

“You’re dead wrong about that.” I scrolled through my phone to find the document I was searching for. We were going to have a big going away party, but nobody knew yet. That’s why I was creating an RSVP on the phone, readying it for to be sent tonight. I dreaded the girls’ reactions. I knew they were going to support me no matter what, but I also knew that they’d have a thing or two to say about it as well. 

“It’s going to work out.” Michael could sense my uncertainty and he caressed my thigh while simultaneously maneuvering the car through the traffic.

“They’re gonna yell at me. I know it. Especially Cait.”

“What, for moving here?”

“They haven’t really come round to you, I think.”

Michael sighed and took his hand back to the wheel.

“And you?” He looked straight ahead, focused, concentrated, seemingly emotionless. I knew that wasn’t the case. He was anxious. 

“All is in the past.” I said and tried to block the memories. “All is good now.”

“Good. I have something that you have to see.”

“Yeah, what are we doing here?” I looked around and recognized the area of Kensington and Chelsea. It wasn’t long until we drove into the Notting Hill area. On and on we went, until we were headed down a small road. 

He parked the car, waved at a man seemingly waiting for us, and lit up a cigarette. I was completely dumbfounded, but managed to get myself and Teddy out of the car. The boy had now woken up and happily accepted the piece of bread I offered him. 

 “Steve!” Michael waved at the man, who now came closer. He was about Michael’s age, dressed in a casual suit, and carrying a briefcase of sorts. He had a very realtor-esque look about him.

“Steve, this is … Cassie. And our boy, Teddy.”

“Hello, how nice to meet you.” Steve said and shook my hand. Teddy waved at him. 

“Likewise. Eh, if you don’t mind me asking - what’s … all this?”

Steve chuckled lightly. “He hasn’t told you, has he?” Steve turned to Michael. “This is your new home, if you’ll accept.”

“A … what? How?”

Steve chuckled again. “Not to your liking, or?”

“Of course it is. I just … I’m sorry, Steve, I just need to talk to Michael for a bit.”

“No problem. I’ll be waiting out here, you can talk inside if you like to.”

With a wink at Michael, he unlocked the door and showed us inside. I could feel how completely shocked I looked as I walked in.

 It was beautiful. To the left, there was a large, light kitchen and to the right, a large open space, perfectly fitted to become a living room. In the middle, a large wooden staircase led up to the first floor. 

Teddy seemed just as fascinated as I was, as his large blue eyes scoured through the room. I put him down and he began to crawl around.

Michael stepped  up at me from behind and carefully laid an arm around me.

“If it’s… if you don’t like it, we’ll sell it and find another. Just say so.”

“Sell it? Wait, it’s ours already? Why haven’t you said anything? Ugh, that’s so typical you-“

He moved to stand in front of me, a sad expression on his face.

“It was my Dad’s. I got it after he passed.”

“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s okay. It’s just … I’m just a little unsure about it.”

Teddy had crawled all the way to the wall and tried to stand up. He hadn’t quite figured out how just yet.

“Why?”

“It was my Dad’s. We didn’t exactly have the best thing going on.”

“Oh, it’s a too many bad memories thing?”

Michael nodded, brows furrowed.

“I think it’s beautiful, Michael.” I took his hand as I spoke and he looked up at me with a half-smile.

Teddy’s happy baby talk made the both of us look to where he was standing. He had now managed to stand up, and used his chubby baby hand to support his balance. With a gorgeous smile, he looked at Michael and like that, out of the blue, he spoke his first word.

“Daaaad!” 

We looked at each other, baffled and amazed, before we exploded in cheers and laughter.

 ( … )

 It didn’t take more than a couple of minutes for, well, everyone, to reply as I’d sent out the RSVPs.

Yasmin was the first to respond with an all caps “I KNEW IT” and a ton of heart emojis.

Megan wrote a completely neutral “congratulations!” but it seemed like there was a lot more to it than that. Caitlin called my phone, and I didn���t answer. I was trying to tuck Teddy in, but just as Michael said, he hated the dreadful English air. Also, there were the entirely new surroundings of Nathan’s apartment which we had borrowed for our stay. There had been way too many new impressions for him today, and there was no way he would go to sleep early tonight.

“Pick it up!” A message from Caitlin read.

“Can’t. Tucking Teddy in.” 

“We need to talk about this.”

Ugh. For fuck’s sake, Cait. 

“I had hoped you’d be happy on my behalf?”

“I am. I hope you’ll be happy.”

“I am happy, Cait.”

“That’s good, then.”

 I didn’t know what to write back to her, and I put my phone away and tried to sing a song for Teddy. It seemed to calm him down, and as I laid down beside him and laid my arm around him, he finally began to close his eyes. I did the same, only to rest for a moment.

 The nightmares came quickly. They were about the same things that they were usually about. Some were with horrible scenarios where Teddy was missing, and I had to run through the entire city of Kenmare to finally find him. And when I did, I would find him in Michael’s arms, and Michael would be surrounded by beautiful women. Or, when the nightmare was particularly bad, there would just be one. One that was now his girlfriend. One that would have me kicked out of our home, one that would be Teddy’s new mother. This night, it was a particularly bad one. It had me tossing and turning until finally, I sat up in the bed with a scream. Sweaty and distraught, I flew out of bed and didn’t stop until I collided with Michael in Nathan’s hallway. He grabbed me by the arms and stopped me from running further.

“Cassie? Cassie! What is it?”

“You … you ... “ I cried. The memory of the dream was etched into my brain, and I was still in a state between sleeping and being awake. “You were with somebody else.”

He released me and I heard him sigh. 

“How many times do we have to go over this?” I heard his voice change from worry to anger, and like that, I began to become angry as well. “How many times do I have to apologize?”

“I dunno, Michael. Start now and stop in 80 years?” I snarled back at him.

He backed away and let out a dry laugh. It only served to make me even angrier.

“What do you want me to do? You can keep on doing this-” He gestured vaguely with his arms. “Or you can accept that I am sorry, that it won’t happen again, and that I love you. But I need an answer.”

“How can you EVEN imply that I’m just delicate. How can you FUCKING not see that I’m like this because of you?” 

“Lower your voice. Teddy might waken.”

“I’ll bloody well scream the house down if I want to.” I replied, but with a lower voice than before.

“Fine. But you have a problem. You weren’t exactly a saint, either.”

“A saint? What the fuck, Michael? At what point did I do something that made you go “hmm, well, yeah. I’ll screw someone else.” Fuck off. You fucking idiot. You fucking twat.”

I could feel tears running down my cheeks, tears that came from the entire situation. The dream, Michael’s misunderstanding, our argument, and the fact that he was right. If we moved in together, this would never end. I would always wake up from nightmares. He would have to deal with this jealousy forever. Teddy would, at some point, begin to understand that Mum and Dad weren’t good friends right now. I could feel my heart breaking at the realization. I sat down, back turned against the wall, and cried.

Although I didn’t deserve any of it, Michael sat down next to me and with one arm, he pulled me in next to him. I could feel him kiss the top of my head as my crying kept on, quiet as the night around us.

#thunderstorm #thunder series #the thunder series #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction #thunder 42

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #41

“The keys, Michael.” I tried to concentrate on finding the keys to my apartment. Michael was behind me, his hands touching me all over, which clearly did not help the situation.

“Forget the keys.” He growled into my ear before shoving me against the door to the apartment. I gasped with the sensation as he pressed himself against me.

“The neighbors-” I panted as he kissed the side of my neck all the while his hands were  moving downwards.

“Which one of them? Mrs. Smythe, the stock deaf one?” He chuckled into my ear.

“Hush! Don’t-” I tried to stop him from lifting up my dress, but to no avail. The risk of getting caught was only turning him on more.

Somehow, I managed to break free of his grasp and I turned around. Of course, that didn’t help much.

He trapped me, one arm on each side of my head, all the while he looked down at me with a devious smile on his face.

“Can I just get a moment to get my keys?” I looked up at him while making the most innocent face I could manage. “Pleeease?”

“He moved closer and pressed his forehead against mine.

“Afraid not.” He replied. Before I could say or do anything, his hands went down and below my dress, and a moment after that, they took hold of my stockings and ripped them to pieces.

“What the hell!”

“Hush. The neighbors.” He replied and kneeled down in front of me.

“Oh no, no you’re not going to …” I tried to protest but I didn’t even believe my resistance myself. I braced myself for him, but it didn’t even begin to cut it as he finally put his face between my legs. I let out an uncontrollable moan as I felt his tongue against me.

He wasn’t careful or slow or taking his time, he went straight for the most sensitive spot as he held on to my hips.

“Oh Gooood, stop this, stop-” I half-whispered with my eyes clenched shut. He didn’t hear a word I was saying, he just kept on going, sucking and tasting me as if he’d been starving. Although my rational mind tried to stop this, yelling at me in my mind for being this obscene, my body was welcoming him and reacting exactly like it always did. I could feel myself getting closer, and as he entered one of his fingers inside of me, I almost screamed with the sensation. He pulled slightly back, only to whisper a command at me.

“Keep still, darl’.”

I pressed a hand in front of my mouth in a desperate attempt to do as he said. He returned to his task and didn’t hold back. As he moved his finger in perfect sync with his tongue, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I raced towards the edge and beyond it, screaming into my hand as I felt my knees buckling below me. I heard him groaning against my sex and it made my orgasm even more powerful. I could feel myself shaking with the aftershocks as he finally pulled away from me, causing me to slide down and sit helplessly on the landing floor.

“Oh look at that, Cas.” He looked beyond smug as he stood up and pointed to my open bag on the floor. “The keys are right there.”

 ( … )

 I’d reciprocated as soon as we’d gotten into the apartment, the two of us enjoying each other as we used to do before everything that changed our lives. Now, we were laying on my bed, exhausted and longing for cigarettes.

“I like the decor here. Half pink and half blue. Sad that we have to paint it over soon.” Michael smirked as he looked at me. He looked sleepy, but blissful.

“Paint it over?”

“Mm-hmm. Now with your mom moving to London and all. We’ll have to wrap this here up as well.”

“Oy?” I got up on my elbows, looking at him as if he’d suddenly grown four heads on top of his own.

“You don’t think?”

“That she’s going to London? No, why would she do that?”

“Oh I don’t know, darl’.  Maybe that guy named Nathan?”

“Come on. They’ve dated for, what? Five minutes? I know her. She’d never do that.”

This day had been filled with surprises. Pleasant ones, but still. I wasn’t sure I could manage being surprised even more today.

“Is it because you don’t want her to?”

“What? No, of course not. I just know her.”

“Because if she moved, she would probably move in with Nathan. And then I’d probably get kicked. And then I’d have to find a house somewhere. And it would suck to sit there all alone. Don’t you think?”

“I - I … haven’t thought.”

“Do you want to?” He laid on his side so he could look properly at me. Something about his question made my heart flutter. I could see in the way that he looked at me that he wanted nothing more than for me to say yes. But also, he didn’t want to pressure me.

“A … house, you reckon?”

“Of course. Teddy needs a room and a garden. Oh, and rooms for his 12 future siblings, too.”

“What!” I punched him playfully in his chest. “12 siblings? I’m pretty sure that it’s you who will have to carry them, then.”

“Sure. As long as I get 12 more.” His smile gleamed in the afternoon sunlight as he teased me.

“And how did you become this filthy rich? A house - in London?”

“A small house. The 12 of them will just have to share a room.”

“Oh my God.” I was now positively howling with laughter. “You arse.”

“You love me.”

“That I do.” He kissed me on the tip of my nose and arose from the bed.

“Time for cigs. We have somewhere to be at 5.30.”

“5 more minutes.” I couldn’t endure the thought of getting up and going back to my Mom’s. I had missed Michael too much to not have him to myself for at least a little bit more.

“Fine.” He pulled up his jeans and moved to stand by the bed. I thought he was going to help me up, but instead he suddenly jumped on me. “Then it’s 5 minutes of tickle war!”

“Noooooooooo!” I screamed and laughed as he easily gained the upper hand.

 ( … )

 “I can’t remember the last time I had a meal like that.” I said as I exhaled the smoke from my cigarette. My mother and I were sitting outside, smoking cigarettes after the insane meal that Nathan had prepared. A proper English roast, with roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding and everything else that went with it. Everybody had eaten until they just couldn’t squeeze down a single bite more. Teddy had loved it and everybody had laughed along as he covered himself completely  in potatoes and gravy. It had been like a family night the way the family nights should always be.

“I know. This one’s a keeper.” My mom laughed as she exhaled smoke from a cigarette of her own.

“Speaking about that. Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve known the guy for longer than you. You could have at least dropped a hint.”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I didn’t want to spring things on you. With the divorce from your Dad and all. I feared that you’d think I was moving way too fast.”

“C’mon Mom. The divorce was the best thing that could have ever happened.”

“”I know. But … well, I was afraid that you’d might get upset.”

“Does Dad know?” I stepped on my cigarette and put it out.

“No. I haven’t talked to him since … well, that was months ago. What about you?”

“God, no. The last time I spoke to him was when I was visiting you in the old apartment. He called my baby “a bastard child”. I’m not really keen on forgiving him, yet.”

“I remember that. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“I am, too.”

I saw a tear glistening in the corner of her eye.

“What’s the matter, Mom?”

“I should’ve-” She sniffled slightly but managed to compose herself. “I should have left him ages ago. I’m so sorry, Cassie.”

“Oh, Mom.” I reached out and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s okay. It is.”

“You’ve got to understand. I think you understand. A mom always wants to do the best for her child. In our case, I thought it was for the better if I stayed.”

“I know. I know, Mom.” We let go and looked at each other. “The best for me, right now, is that you’re happy.”

“I am.” She smiled and reached for another cigarette. “You have no idea.”

“And now you and Nathan are moving in together.” It was more of a conclusion than a question, and it seemingly came out of nowhere. I couldn’t believe the words I had just said, and even more so as my rational, steadfast mother nodded her head slowly.

“I wanted to ask for your permission.” She exhaled and suddenly looked like a giddy teenager.

“It was yours before you even asked, Mom.” She squealed - again, like a teenager - and hugged me tightly.

“Just one thing.”

“Anything. What is it?” She asked.

“I get to tell the boys.”

 March 1st, 2016

I managed to keep quiet for a whole day until Monday hit. Teddy decided to wake up at 6 AM, but I didn’t mind. Quietly, I managed to get him up and out of the room without Michael waking up. I got the boy fed, got him dressed, and managed to get the both of us silently out of the apartment  as we went to the shops.

 “Heeey, little darl’. What you got there?” I heard Michael’s sleepy voice from where I sat. I had simply put the present in Teddy’s hands and placed him on the bed, hoping for his crawling and movements to wake up his dad. It worked like a charm.

Teddy babbled happily and wrapped his chubby fingers around the small, square present.

“Hey darl’. What’s all this?” Michael said, addressed to me. He sounded hoarse, but happy.

“A present. I thought, since you’re going back and all today. Something so you can think of us until we’ll see you again.”

“I already am thinking about you all the time.” He replied, and it made my heart feel warm.

“None the less. Open it.”

“Oh, you like the paper, Teddy? Here. No, not the ribbon. I take that.” Michael cooed at the boy and tucked the ribbon safely away.

“What’s this … it’s a … a Routemaster bus?” He held up the small, red model car and inspected in from every angle. “Isn’t he a bit young for that? It’s got all these tiny parts-”

“It’s not for him.”

Michael looked at me in utter confusion. I probably should have waited until he’d had his coffee, I thought to myself.

“Look inside of it.”

Michael held the bus up high, trying to shield it from Teddy who had now grown tired of the glittery paper. As he laughed and tried to keep it from the boy, a small piece of rolled up paper fell from the doors of it.

“What’s this?” He spoke and finally allowed the boy to take the bus.

“A Routemaster so that Teddy can get used to those.” He read out loud and paused before reading the rest, as a smile formed on his lips. “You best find us a house. We’re going to England.”

He stared at the paper for a solid three seconds, but in my head it felt like time stood still. My old insecurities came roaring back. Doesn’t he want us to move to him? Was it all something he said? Didn’t he mean it?

I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I’d been holding as he finally moved. Carefully, he folded up the small piece of paper and put it in his wallet. He lifted Teddy up, placed a kiss on his temple, and then went to me with the boy on his arm. Without speaking a word, he pulled me in for a hug and held me tightly. I put my arms around the both of them and felt tears leaving my eyes.

This is it. This is really happening.

I had never felt so happy or so loved as I did in this very moment.

#thunder 41 #thunderstorm #thunder series #the thunder series #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #40

I woke up from the touch of his hands. Slowly, lovingly, he dragged his fingers from my knee and upwards, across my thigh, lingered on the skin of my waist and stroked downwards once again. I pretended to still be asleep so he wouldn’t stop.

He was laying behind me, naked and warm beneath our covers, and it was quite a feat to stay put and keep still. Even more so as he kissed the corner between my shoulder and my ear. It felt like I could just melt away into his touch.

“Ca-aaas. I can hear your breathing.” He chuckled lowly into my ear. Damn. Busted.

“So? Everybody breathes.” I retorted, teasingly. I felt hoarse and drowsy, but blissful.

“You breathe in that way when you don’t want me to think that you’re awake.”

“Bollocks. I don’t.”

“Bollocks. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. ONE day in London and you’re a real proper Brit.” He snickered.

“Hey!” I wanted to nudge him in the stomach, but he was too quick. He grabbed my arm and laid on top of me before I could do anything.

“Hey what.” The weight of his body was pinning me down, and I apparently had to endure the smugness of his face through all of this teasing.

“You’re an ass.”

“Ooh,  naughty words. I had no idea such a proper lady could speak like that. Tell me … how did someone this posh end up in a pub like this?”

“I have no idea, to be honest. I was lured in by something.”

“Mmm-hmm. Like what?”

“I don’t know.” I managed to wriggle a bit free from him so I could wrap my legs around him. I heard his breathing hitch as our bodies touched.

“I think it’s me that was lured in, honestly.” He grinded against me, and I had to close my eyes with the sensation.

He did the movement again and I wanted nothing more than him inside of me. Even more so as he began to kiss me. His kisses were deep and long and left me desperate for more.

“Wait …” I bit my lip as I could feel him a bit too close. “Rain coat.”

“Right. Sorry.” He smiled apologetically at me and pulled away. “Old habit.”

“It’s alright.” I had fallen out of breath. “It’s just that the two of us are a bit too … “

“Too what?” He looked at me, curiosity written on his face.

“Too good at getting me pregnant.”

I could see his face going from confused to curious until finally, shocked.

“You’re not serious.” He sat up and sat on the bedside. “The … pregnancy?”

I nodded. The atmosphere in the room had changed into something a lot more solemn.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Cas?” He looked at me in complete disbelief.

I shrugged and tried to not think too much about it.

“I figured that … I don’t know, maybe you’d put two and two together.”

“How could I do that? I thought it was … somebody else.”

“Who would that be?” I sat up on my arms, frowning at him.

“Don’t take it like that, Cas. We were just together that one night, and you …”

“I what?”

“You met a lot of guys back there, right? I saw you at the pub.” He paused and looked sad for a second. “You made sure I saw.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. And I didn’t fuck them.”

“But … why didn’t you say anything? I sat with you every night. We watched Miami Vice, you slept and I was right there. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I sighed and fell back into the pillows.

“I wanted to … I really did. But it felt like I had deserved all of that. It was me that had to go through it. I was just … happy that you were there. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Scare me off? Scare me OFF, Cas?”

“I know.” I felt my eyes beginning to tear up. “It was just … so fragile. I had kicked you out and I didn’t feel like I deserved you being there. I felt so … terrible.”

I could see his jaw clenching as he thought about those nights. The atmosphere between us had been so heavy and dreadful, unlike anything we’d ever tried before. I would cry in the daytime and watch Miami Vice at night, looking at the back of his head and wondering if he’d ever talk to me or touch me again.

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.” He said. “That’s why I wrote to Nathan. If he had a job for me, here.”

“And he did.”

“He did.”

I couldn’t decipher what was on his mind. Maybe he was sad, maybe he was relieved. No matter what he felt, he didn’t let me in on it. As always.

“I’m going to get burgers for us. Alright?” He asked, his back turned towards me. I understood. 

( … )

The short walk from here, to the pizza place and back, had helped. He seemed to be feeling a lot better as he returned.

Not that he said much, but it sufficed. And like this, we ate our burgers and french fries, until a text on my phone ripped through the silence.

“Teddy’s running a fever. Going to the doctor’s with him. Call me when you have the time. Xx - Mum”

From there, everything happened in a blur. I dropped everything I had, got dressed and began to panic, before my rational mind had even reminded me to call my mother and ask her for the details. She didn’t say much, as she was on her way to the doctor. Michael was quickly filled in, and he seemingly panicked just as much as I did. It was with hands shaking that I made the call to the airport to change my flight to an earlier one. Michael jump-ran to the car and tried desperately to get the ice off of it, so we could get going. Had the lock not opened in that very second that it did, I’m sure he would have found an axe and simply chopped off the door. There was nothing calm or collected about us, but somehow, we seemed to accomplish it all in time. Whenever one of us was panicking too much, the other would comfort, if even for a few seconds.

 “What did she say? Should I go with you? I can’t go with this one, but I can take a later flight -” He was rambling on, every once in a while running a hand through his hair, as if that would somehow help him to find a solution.

“She said it was nothing bad, that it’s just a fever, so … I don’t KNOW, honestly.”

He took a few deep breaths and seemingly calmed down. There was a long queue for the check-in, and now, it had become my turn to worry. What if I don’t make the flight? My baby needs me … oh god, my baby needs me. MOVE, PEOPLE.

“Easy, darl’. You’ll make it. Don’t worry.” He said, as he rubbed my shoulders. Apparently, it had been easy to read my mind.

“I just want these people to move, damn it.”

“You’ll make it.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard.

“I’m going to miss you, Michael.”

“Likewise.” He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. “Next time, I’ll be coming over to you.”

“How long will we be doing that? Going back and forth?”

“Until you move over here, Cas.”

“What if I can’t?”

“It’s easy. You can.”

“Uuuugh. You’re so annoying.”

“I know. But you love it.” He leaned down and kissed me. It was soft and warm and, most importantly, made me want more. I longed for long mornings, with he and I and Teddy, sleeping in and going for English breakfast somewhere. I didn’t know if that would ever happen.

“Your turn.” He broke the kiss and pointed to the clerk at the desk. It was time.

( … )

Of course, just like my rational mind already knew, Teddy was absolutely fine. Probably just a cold, the doctor had told my mother, and as they’d made their way home he already felt better. As I’d almost kicked her door in to see my boy, hugged him for the longest time and cried a little, my rationality began to set in and I felt like a fool. Of course, I called Michael and reassured him, my mom chuckling at our nervousness in the background.

...

“Really, there was no point in going home earlier. I could have handled him fine, even if he had been worse. Not the first time I’m taking care of a baby, you know.”  My mom teased me, as we sat in front of the T.V. in the evening time.

“Ugh. I knoooow, Mom. I just got so worried.”

“And you lost precious time with that guy of yours.”

“He’s not … my … guy. Do people even say things like that, mom?”

“But you want him to be. And the other way around, too.”

“Don’t say things like that, Mom. It’s not that simple.”

“It is, Cas. It really is.”

“I can’t have that … long distance thing going on. And with all the things we’d been through, I’m just not … I’m not really sure of anything.” I felt a  sting in my heart as I lied to my mother. I knew exactly what I wanted. Michael’s arms, around me, in London, raising our boy and being together forever.

“I think you should move over to  him, darling.”

“Give me a break. It’s not that simple. What about you and Mr. Secret? I don’t see you and him running off into the sunset, either.”

She smiled as she looked down. She always looked so serene and universally happy when we talked about her boyfriend.

“He’s working a lot. He’s running a company, of sorts. But it’s not like we haven’t talked about it.”

“Well? What’s holding you back?”

“Things. I don’t know. All of our goddamn kids, maybe.” She said and I immediately burst into laughter along with her.

“No, it’s not that.” She said as we’d both recovered from the laughing. “He lives a bit far away, too. We want to make sure that this is going to work.”

“You see? Things are NOT that simple, mom. And with Michael, I’m just not … I can’t take that leap and just trust him forever. I can’t.”

“He did those things because he loved you, Cas.”

“That was a really weird way of showing it.”

“He’s a complicated guy.” She spoke softly as she looked at me. Something clicked inside of my mind, and I realized I had a question for her.

“You’ve never told me how you two met.”

“Oh, honey. That’s a long and dull story.”

“I have all the time in the world. C’mon, spill.”

“Uuuuugh.” She sighed and began to rub her forehead. Her telltale sign of “I reeeeally don’t want to do this.” Naturally, it only served to pique my curiosity.

“You’re going to hate me for this, Cassie.”

I was now beginning to become desperate for the information. What? What is it?

“I honestly believe that it’s not a scenario that hasn’t already played in my head, Mom. What is it?”

“Uuuugh, Cassie.”

“What? Is it that bad? Did you sleep with him or what?” I tried to not shudder at the thought, but the scenario wasn’t completely unrealistic. Michael being Michael and all. My mom having left a loveless marriage. It was clearly an option.

“What? God, no. Oh my God. That was NOT what happened.”

“Then what? And he’s not that hideous, Mom.” A small part of me was secretly relieved.

“Oh, Cas … how should I put this, honestly.” She rubbed the palms of her hands against her temples. “Well, I’ll just say it as it is. I contacted him, some time ago.”

“You … what? Why? How?” I looked at her, bewildered.

“You’ll have to understand, I did everything out of love, Cassie. I had never thought things would become so … complicated. With you falling pregnant again, and all that. I’m so, so sorry.” Her eyes were large and apologetic, the small lines around them making her look worried.

“When? I’m completely lost here, Mom.”

“It was … Teddy was around 5 months old. It was before that night when he was so fussy due to his shots.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sure you remember this better than me, darling, but you weren’t really well back then. Richard had just left, and you were struggling a lot.”

The sound of his name always felt like someone was ripping my heart out. A small glimpse of him, writing his farewell letter, played in my head like a bad movie.

“That’s true.”

“I wanted to help so much, Cassie. I really did. But with the divorce from your Dad and all … I couldn’t be there as much as I wanted to. I’m so, so sorry.”

I couldn’t believe my own ears. In an attempt to help me, she had … reached out to him?

“And I won’t ever forgive myself for letting you down that day. I am so sorry. I’ve yelled so much at myself for not helping you that day.”

“That … day?”

“The day with the breakdown in the supermarket. I’m absolutely heartbroken, Cassie. It should have been me that helped you. Not him.”

I felt my brows furrowing at the thought of past events.

“He told you about that?”

“Of course he did, honey.”

“I’m … I can’t believe it.”

“I had no idea you were so -“ She was struggling to find the right words.

“... far out.”

“I really didn’t.”

“It’s okay, Mom. I’m okay now.”

A strange silence fell upon us, my Mom looking down on her hands and me, trying to find out what we were even watching on the T.V.

“So, you don’t hate me? For having contacted him?”

“What? No, Mom. Oh my God.”

“Even with the … “

“Even with everything.” I smiled at her and took her hand in mine.

“I still think you should go to him. Go and live there. You’ll find an apartment and Teddy will go to daycare, and things will work out.”

I sighed. “I can’t. I can’t leave all … this.”

“He loves you, you know. And I know you love him.”

I looked at her, defeated and tired.  She smiled back at me like only a mother could.

( … )

“Are you actually right outside?” I asked the face on my phone screen, as I struggled to get a new nappy attached to Teddy. My Mom’s kitchen was way too small for this kind of work, and it took a lot of skillful planning to change a baby all the while not dropping any of the required items on the floor, and like that I had simply put the phone on a shelf so I could finish up.

“I am.” He smiled back and exhaled a puff from his cigarette. The sun was illuminating his face, and I couldn’t remember when he had looked this happy. I couldn’t wait to go outside and throw my arms around him.

“I have the weirdest surprise for you, Cas.” He half-chuckled into the phone. “You’re never gonna believe it.”

“What? Aaaaand there we go, Teddy. Look! There’s Daddy!” I took the boy on my arm and took the phone so the two of them could see each other. Teddy giggled happily at the sight of his dad, and Michael’s face turned into an even happier one.

I went out the kitchen and through the hallway to fetch the door to let Michael in.

“Moooom! He’s here.”

“Okaaa-ay!” I heard a muffled reply from the upstairs bathroom.

I opened the door and Michael was there, hugging and kissing both Teddy and me. I felt tears of joy running down my cheeks and promised myself that I would never be apart from him for this long again.

“What was the surprise?” I asked as I handed Teddy over to Michael. Teddy immediately began to pull at Michael’s beard.

Michael simply smiled at me as he took a step to the side, revealing the broad, large man behind him. I hadn’t seen him in ages, and I was beyond surprised.

“Nathan! Oh my God! What are you doing here??” I exclaimed as I pulled him in for a big hug. As we stood there, I heard my mom clearing her throat behind us.  She had finished up and had come down the stairs to greet our guests.

“There’s … there’s something I wanted to tell you for some time now, Cassie.” I let go of Nathan, and in the next second, my mom ran into his arms.

My hands flew to my mouth as the surprise set in.

#thunder 40 #the thunder series #thunder series #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction #Thunderstorm

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #39

“Hungry?”

“No. Don’t talk.”

“Don’t talk?”

“I just want to … I just.”

He chuckled at my strange behavior. We were lying in bed.My head resting on his shoulder, my eyes clenched shut, and my fingers almost clutching at his skin.

“Come on. You must be starving.”

“Nah.”

“Did you just nah me?”

“Nah.”

“You just did it again.” He laughed.

“I just want to stay put. Here. Until I have to go back again.” I inhaled the scent of his skin to make it stay in my brain.

That way I wouldn’t have to miss him as much.

“Well, happy to please. I just worried you’re going to eat me at some point.”

“Oh, I definitely am.”

“Thought as much.” He looked at me with that glinting in his eyes, and I felt the need for him rising. It was almost enough to make me forget that I was actually hungry.

“What’s in the box?”

“The box?”

“The one from Yasmin. The one that I actually travelled all the way here to deliver.”

“Oh, you mean that this was just a job?”

“Absolutely. All of my clients get the same service.”

He laughed loudly at my remark and almost forgot what we were talking about.

“Interesting. Might I add, it’s a very good service. Unparalleled, actually.”

“I know. I’m the leading lady in the business.”

“I’m sure.” He winked at me and moved to exit the bed. I could see the in the way that he moved that the loss of contact was as difficult for him as it was for me. The sight of his naked back and toned legs was making me bite my lip and I utterly regretted that I had to remind him of the box.

I wrapped the covers closely around me and wondered how he didn’t seem cold. We were in the attic of his new pub, where he had a bed, a night stand, and nothing more except candles and cobwebs. The heating up here didn’t work as well as it should, and he had put up a few heaters to make it somewhat bearable. The journey had been long, and the tiredness was beginning to make me feel cold. Of course, we had welcomed each other like we always used to do, including the discarding of clothes and heated, passionate embraces. All of the worries and all of the girls’ warnings seemed to drift away whenever he was close. I both hated and loved the way he was making me vulnerable like that.

“Holy hell.” I was pulled away from my thoughts as I heard him say. He had procured a couple of scissors and had managed to open the box. From what I could see behind his back, it was some sort of scarf.

“What is it?” I crawled out of the bed, still with the covers wrapped around me. I cringed at the feeling of the cool wooden boards beneath my feet.

“It’s …” His voice came out in a strange way. As if he was crying. He quickly managed to conceal it. “It’s … a lot of items back from Nathan’s.”

“Yours?”

I could see him nodding. He was sitting down, crouched over the box, and picking up various frames and other items from inside of it.

“Did you forget to pack them?” I was confused. Why did he seem so moved about items from Nathan’s?

He shook his head and quickly removed something from his eye. I sat down next to him and noticed the glistening of the tears in his eyes.

“I … I threw these things away. When Yasmin overtook the pub, I threw them out. I told her there was no need for me to keep them.”

I laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. He swallowed and continued.  

“What are they?”

“They’re … a lot of memories, actually. A scarf from when I was a boy. Old football posters. I wanted to get rid of them.”

“Why?” I was completely confused.

“Because everything else was fucked up. No matter what, I didn’t deserve to be happy.”

“Why on earth would you even think that?” I had a fleeting idea why he felt that way, but I couldn’t tell him that. The slim chance that he was actually going to tell me something about his past … or his feelings, even … was something I wouldn’t dare miss.

He looked up from the box and looked me directly in the eyes. The raw emotion in them was making me lose my breath.

“I had lost you. I had made sure you ran away, Cas. I ruined everything back then.”

His words hurt. They made it feel like a knife was twisting in my heart. The strangeness of the situation was making a lump of tears appear in my throat, too.

“You’ve never told me why.” I could hear that my voice was thick. It hurt to talk about these things. I didn’t even know if I wanted his answer. Maybe his answer was terrible, and I would have to leave him, and never look back, and find my way back home from London, somehow. My eyes had fixated themselves onto a small spot on the floor, when he took my hands in his own and prompted me to look at him.

“I was scared, Cas.”

“Scared of what?” My voice was heavy with tears, but I couldn’t cry right now.

“That I was going to ruin everything.”

“You got really damn close, I can tell you that.” Thoughts of that infamous night appeared in my brain. Me, running down the stairs while tears were running down my face. Me, hitting the street while I was crying with desperation. Me, scraping my knees and screaming into the night with the pain that I felt. And the aftermath. The trip to London, the wanting to abort my baby, the desperation, my parents … and Richard.

“I came from … I came from shit, you know that.” He wiped a tear away and took my hands again, squeezing them slightly.

“I … I didn’t.” He looked down. It looked like he was bracing himself for a painful trip down memory lane.

“My dad. He was … terrible. He’d beat us whenever we slipped up and didn’t obey the rules. And well … we did that a lot.”

“Who is we?” I pretended I knew nothing about his family.

“My brother and myself. In time, he managed to fit in. I didn’t. I’ve always seen myself as my Dad’s complete opposite.”

I struggled to see the relevance but stayed put. This was the most solemn I had ever seen him.

“And?”

“When he was younger, he … he partied a lot. He had a lot of girlfriends and stuff. He was never the … down-to-earth kind of guy, or so I heard. When my Mom fell pregnant, everything changed. He began to be really religious. Because now there were kids on the way, and he had to do right by God … or something, I don’t know. Over the years, he changed into the dreadful person he was.”

“Why did you never tell me this?” I remember the things that Nathan had told me. But if Michael had been the one to tell them, so many problems would have been avoided.

“I couldn’t. I … I was afraid you’d think I was some kind of loser.”

“You?!? What the fuck, Michael. If anything, it was I that -” He didn’t let me finish.

“Think about it. I ran into you that day, and you were there, with that funny little accent of yours, and your office dresscode and everything. I was just a worker. I couldn’t go “hey Cas. I’m a poor guy with a terrible background.””

“Well. You could have brought it up along the way. There have been a couple of minutes now and then.” I smiled at him but it was a sad smile. We’d spent so much time together but never really talked. Not until now.

“Everything happened so fast. I was going to ask you to … well. Be a bit more steady than we were. But that night, you ran away from me. I’m so, so sorry about that night. Something had … had clicked inside of me, I …”

I could see his eyes welling up with tears.

“Hold on. What night?”

“Way before all the things with Teddy. The night with the snow. We had been to the pub, and -”

“I remember.” I clenched my teeth at the way he’d made me feel that night. “But that’s long gone now.”

We sat in silence, holding hands, thinking about the terrible things we’d been through. After a while, he breathed in, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say.

“I got … I got so afraid, Cas. I got afraid that maybe he wasn’t mine. I was afraid that he’d hate me. I was afraid I was going to ruin him, you, everyone. What if I turned into the monster that my Dad was. I couldn’t … I couldn’t stand the thought of it.”

I could feel a tear in the corner of my eye and tried to blink it away.

“Don’t you think there was a better way?”

“Perhaps. At the time, I felt I had to make sure that you went away. Away from me.”

The tear from before was now running freely, along with several others. Although it hurt to relive that night again, I knew it was for the best.

“And that was how you knew I would do that.”

“It was. And I am so, so fucking sorry. I hate myself for that night. If I could, I would erase it out of time. Believe me.”

He put my face between his hands and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. “Hey. Hey. Look at me.”

I looked up at him, my vision blurred from the tears, and I saw his deep blue eyes - the ones that he’d passed on to our son - looking into mine. He kissed the tip of my nose and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I won’t ever ask you to forgive me. But please. Just know that I am so sorry.”

I sniffled and rejoiced in his touch, pressing my hand against his. We sat there for long enough to make it feel like my tears had gone away for good.

“What happened after?”

He shuffled back from where he was sitting. He pulled up a football scarf from the box I’d brought along to London.

“Everything went bad there.”

“How?”

He sighed. As if the sheer memory of that time was causing him pain.

“I drank. A lot. I … I tried to forget you. So I tried to hook up with … a lot of people.”

I felt a knot forming in my stomach. The thought of women and Michael never failed to make me feel sick with jealousy.

“And it didn’t work. No matter how, no matter who it was, she wasn’t you.”

He looked down, head bowed in shame. “And every night after one of these … meetings, I’d just drink enough to make me feel numb. And I’d take another one home, and that didn’t work either. And she’d leave, and I’d pass out, and I’d dream about you.”

I could see my hands moving by themselves without me even thinking about it, reaching out to caress him. I had no idea he had felt like this.

“I dreamt about you every night, Cas. You were … you looked so happy. That was all that mattered. In my dreams, you were happy without me. I felt some sick comfort in that.” He wiped a tear away from the corner of his eye.

“The reality was a bit different.” I bit my lip at the thought of the pain I felt back then. He finally looked up from the floorboards and looked me in the eyes.

“I am so, so sorry. So fucking sorry.” He whispered.

I got up slightly, but only just enough to get over and straddle him. At the same time, I wrapped my covers around the both of us. His skin had become cool and I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. I felt his hands on my back, pressing me closer to him as he exhaled a sigh.

“I understand that you don’t want to risk anything.” He whispered against the nape of my neck. “I understand that you can’t come and live here right now. But I’m here. I’m here, if you want me.”

I clenched my eyes shut as a few more tears left their safe havens. I knew that I couldn’t leave Kenmare right now. But by God, the pain of not being near him was unbearable.

“Just hold me.” I sniffled against him and he did as I asked.

( … )

He got up from the floor, with me and the covers wrapped closely around him. He moved through the room, until finally, he laid us down on the bed. Our eyes met, and it felt like we had never been this close. I loved him so absolutely, so completely, and it felt like the love was going to make me explode with emotion. His hand went up to my face, caressing my cheek softly as he looked into my eyes.

“Marry me.” He said lowly. It felt like I should have been surprised, but I wasn’t. It felt utterly perfect.

“No.” I replied and kissed him softly.

“Marry me.” He said once more.

“No.”

“Someday.”

“Yeah.”

That was enough for him, it seemed. He embraced me with such emotion that it felt like exactly what it was. A contract of love, sealed by two lovers in the night. He kissed me as though we’d never kissed before. Softly, yet urgent, his lips parted mine as my arms closed around his neck and my legs wrapped around his waist.

( … )

#thunder #thunder 39 #the thunder series #thunder series #Thunderstorm #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #38

December 26th, 2015

“So … he’s your … boyfriend or what?”

Caitlin’s arms were crossed as she looked at me.

“Don’t, Cait … I don’t know. I’m just as confused, honestly.” I sighed and let my shoulders drop. The global sign for “I really have no clue anymore”.

“Caitlin, honey, I appreciate the fact that you and Cassie’s other friends are here, I really do, but maybe you can tone down that … tone.” My Mom chimed in as she came through her living room carrying a tray of cookies before putting it down on the table. “She’s been through enough, don’t you think?” She asked rhetorically before exiting the room again. Having turned into some kind of Christmas saint, she had - without my knowing - invited Megan, Caitlin, and Chris for coffee. Now, here they were, and the truth was out. I understood their concern, but I was too tired to really appreciate it.

“And the baby was his?” Megan suddenly asked, and I nodded in return.

“Yup. Haven’t been with anyone else. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant so soon, and -”

“You could.” Megan replied and ate one of my Mom’s cookies.

“And now he’s moved, and you’re doing some kind of long-distance thing?” Caitlin asked. She had dialed down the anger, but not by much.

“We’re … we’re doing the FaceTime thing and all that. But it’s been hectic, he’s only just moved in with Nathan, and they’re trying to get the new pub ready and-”

“Hmm.” She stated in return. Her boyfriend, Chris, sat beside her, stoically calm. He knew there was no stopping her and simply let her run loose.

“Hmm, what? Enough with the subliminal crap, Caitlin. I’m a mom, god damn it. I slept, perhaps, 10 minutes last night, and I have zero ability to read your fucking mind.”

“Oh, nothing. Besides the fact that you know. It’ll be awfully easy for him.”

“What will be?”

“You know. Having you come to London once a month. And being free the rest of the time … free to do whatever he wants.”

“What the hell? It’s not like that.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought the same.”

“Even if I had, what’s it to you? It’s not your life.”

She uncrossed her arms and leaned forward, her eyes pleading with me.

“Every time something bad happens, every time you come running for help. Every time. Back at the office, you were grumpy for days whenever he didn’t text you back. Back then when that thing happened between you - I still have no idea what that was all about, but you called me and you sounded like you were manically anxious. Back when he cheated, there you were again. Wanting to … to get help to call a midwife. I’ll just be honest with you, Cas, because we love you. Every time he’s fucked it up, it has been us that had to pick up the pieces of you again.”

“She’s right.” Megan chimed in. “Us and your Mom.”

I looked at them and suddenly felt tired. I knew they were right. What kind of mess is this. Should I get out of it now? I rubbed my eyes and tried to convince myself that they weren’t right.

“Uuuugh.” I exclaimed as something suddenly dawned on me. “There’s just that thing … he’s asked me to come with him.”

“What?” Three voices sounded in unison from around the table. Each one looked more flabbergasted than the next.

“To come and stay. I know, right?”

“You … and Teddy … and everything?” Megan asked.

“No, naturally not Teddy, why on earth would we want to live with our child, Megs. Ew.” Megan and the rest began to howl with laughter. I could even hear my mother laughing from somewhere in the house.

“But … you’re not going, right?” Caitlin asked. Her anger seemed to have vanished completely now. She just looked surprised. “I mean, you have a nice apartment … and your mom. And us.”

“That’s exactly what I told him.” It felt like a hole in my heart was screaming at me. Go to London.  “That I couldn’t.”

“Hm.” Caitlin replied. A strange calm came over the table as we ate our cookies in peace.

( … )

“Hold up, hello-” The screen on my phone was utterly dark, and the noise coming from its speakers was some kind of electronic rustling. I recognized Nathan’s voice and as always, it made me feel better.

“Hello, Cassie?” The phone said, but there still wasn’t any picture on the screen.

“Yeah, that’s me. Hi, Nathan.”

“Hi, love. I can’t seem to get this bloody thing to work, hold up.”

He was rustling some more, and I thought I saw a few light spots on the screen, before it turned jet black once again.

“Oy!” There he is. My heart was doing jumping jacks at the mere voice of him. “Give me that ... Christ, you old people and technology. God.” I heard him teasing Nathan and giggled at the banter between them. Suddenly, the phone lit up and there he was. Michael.

“You shouldn’t tease him, you know.” I spoke at the smiling, handsome face on my phone. “You’re not awfully young yourself.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me as his eyes shifted completely. He looked like he was going to make me regret what I’d just said in the sexiest way possible. I felt my cheeks redden and had to cross my legs at the thought of it.

“You best be happy you’re all the way over there, darl’.” He said in a low voice, and I could almost feel myself tremble at the sound of it.

“You’d never catch me, old man.” I smacked my lips at him and tried to ignore the want that he caused.

“Oy, you two. There are other people present, you know.” I heard Nathan’s voice from somewhere else in the room and felt like the poster girl for complete embarrassment. I could see from Michael’s face that it was just friendly teasing, and that helped.

“I had forgotten you weren’t alone. Sorry.” I said.

“Don’t mind it.” Michael replied.

“It’s kinda cramped, isn’t it? With Nathan and the wife and you … they have a kid too, don’t they?” He shook his head in return.

“He has a flat on his own. He’s only coming for dinner once in a while. I’ve gotten his old room, actually. And haven’t I told you this? Nathan and his wife got separated a while ago.”

“They … what?” I was shook. I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. “What on earth went wrong? They’ve been together forever.”

“It’s a long and dull story, Cas.” I heard Nathan reply from somewhere else and knew that I shouldn’t pry anymore.

“He’ll tell you some other time.” Michael smiled at me. “But there’s plenty of room as it is now. When are you moving in?”

I stuck my tongue out at the screen and tried to look serious. It failed.

“You’re an ass.”

“Yup. But you love this ass.” He replied. The smile on his face made the small creases around his eyes more visible. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers along the fine lines.

“How’s our boy?” He turned a bit more serious at the thought of Teddy.

“Missing his Dad, I think. He’s slept terribly for the past few nights.”

“I’m sorry about that. You’re getting help from Liz?”

“Yeah. But I can’t just drop him off at her place every night. He’ll end up calling her Mum.”

“I get that. If you come over here, I’ll take the night shifts, hmm?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Can’t promise anything, darl’.”

I bit my lip and smiled like an idiot at him.

“Say hi to Nathan, okay?”

“Hi back!” I heard Nathan shout from somewhere across.

Michael blew me a kiss and hung up. I didn’t get to sit there giggling for myself long, though. Teddy had woken up again.

( … )

“Megs? Oy?”

“Cassie? Hey!”

We almost ran into each other in the street where I’d spent so much time. The street with the pub - our pub. I thought to myself that if I had to move, if I had to go back to England, this street would be the thing I would miss most about Kenmare.

“Going out?” She looked me up and down, and I could see why. For the first time in forever, I was wearing high heels and makeup. “The pub?”

“Ye. I felt like shit. Missing Michael, and … yeah. Yasmin told me she needed to chat about something. So I thought, why the hell not.”

“I get that. You look great, though.”

“Thanks, Megs. Where are you off to?”

She looked like she was blushing, but then again, it was a cold day.

“I’m … uh … I’m just out for a walk.”

“Okay? Have a nice one, I guess?” I was confused with her strange behavior but didn’t pry any further.

“Thanks. See you, Cas. Give a kiss to your boy.”

“I will.”

We hugged, and she was on her way.

“Cassandra!” Yasmin waved enthusiastically for a second before she vanished out back, an apologetic smile on her face. I knew what it meant, as the boss of the place she had enough to see to. I remembered from the time I’d worked here.

Patiently, I sat down at the bar and made eye contact with one of the new bartenders.

“Hi. I’m Allison. How may I help you?” She yelled through the music.

“Just a coke, please.”

She found one in the fridge below and handed it to me with a smile.

“One of the boss’ friends, yeah? It’s on the house.”

“Thanks, Allison. She busy right now?”

She laughed a bubbly laugh and reminded me of careless evenings from before. “As always. But she should be here in a minute or so. Make yourself at home.”

“I will.”

 The pub looked like itself, but then again, it didn’t. The walls had been painted a different color, the furniture had been switched to a more modern style, and throughout the walls, there were pictures of powerful women instead of football teams. Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Aretha Franklin, Amy Winehouse and, naturally, all of the Spice Girls.

The roaring football fans had their own corner as usual, but somehow, they weren’t as noisy as they used to be. The football wasn’t as important as it had been before. It could be the fact that the clientele had changed as well as the chairs and tables. Everywhere, the women had seemingly taken over. Dancing, singing, enjoying themselves, once in a while taking a man out to dance and having fun. From my spot, I could see Cerys sitting on James’ lap, chatting and caressing him and trying to stay professional. I smiled at the sight. Before I knew it, Yasmin appeared out of the blue and hugged me tightly.

 “Cassie! So great to see you.” She exclaimed and gestured around the pub.

“You like what I did?”

“It’s … magnificent. I love it. Well done.”

“I’ve had help, of course. But yeah … I’m proud of it.”

“I can see why.” I smiled at her. “You wanted to see me about something?”

“Ah. Yes. When are you going to move to England?” She looked at me with a completely serious look on her face, and I was utterly confused until she dropped the act and burst into a big, flashing smile.

“My GOD, you’re just like him, you know.” I exclaimed and slapped her shoulder playfully.

“I know. He’s great so I’ll take it as a compliment.” She teased back and we both laughed. “But seriously. When are you going to see him?”

“Uh … I haven’t really planned anything. I really haven’t got the finances right now, so that doesn’t help, either. And Teddy is so small, and I …” I could hear myself ranting.

“Ah. Excuses, excuses. He misses you, do you miss him?”

“What? Of course I do, Yasmin.”

“Then go to him.” She handed me an envelope and leaned back in her seat.

“What is thiiiiis. You didn’t … oh, fuck you, you did.” I had opened the envelope and there was no way of mistaking the plane ticket inside of it. Yasmin simply smiled at me.

“Only one condition, Cassandra. You have to take some things along to him. It’s not much.”

“Of course. But, Yasmin … this is too much. I can’t possibly accept this.”

“Shut your mouth. Of course you can. I love you both.” She grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes. I was tearing up, the sweetness of her gift was just too much. “And frankly. You both look completely miserable when you miss each other.”

That last sentence had me exploding with laughter. Yasmin laughed as well before pulling me in for a big hug.

I felt like I could jump with excitement.  

I’m going. I’m going to him. I’m going to see him.

( … )

Saturday 29th, 2016

For some reason, everyone was smiling at me as I stood, freezing on the pavement on a street in London. I pondered whether they thought I was lost or if I simply radiated so much excitement that it made people smile. It had been a month since I last saw him, and the way I missed him could be felt into my very bones. Of course, he didn’t know I was here. Nathan had picked me up at the airport - all part of Yasmin’s devious planning - and driven me to their apartment and then, to here. My phone was pressed against my ear so I could hear their conversation inside. I feared that my heart would beat so loud that it could be heard through the phone.

“The boss man!” I could hear Michael say through the phone as Nathan locked himself inside of the pub. “Coming by to see if I fucked it up already?”

Nathan laughed in return. “Yes, exactly. How’s things?”

I couldn’t hear anything through the phone, but it was clear that Michael sighed.

“Still missing half the furniture. Delivery problems, something like that. And I need to paint upstairs as well.” He sounded exhausted. I wanted to run inside and comfort him, but waited patiently instead.

“Hmm.” I could hear Nathan pacing about the room. “ Well, I have two surprises for you. One: I’ve arranged for some of my people to come and help you tomorrow. They’ll help you paint and whatever.”

“That’s … that’s great, Nathe. Thanks a lot.” I felt a tender moment between them. Nathan had grown more and more into some kind of father figure. Not only to me, but to Michael as well.

“Only the best for this place. This will be our flag ship number two.” He laughed. “Of course you need a bit of help.”

“That’s amazing. Thanks again, mate.”

“No problem. And your second surprise -”

“Yeah?” Michael replied.

“It’s a box of things that Yasmin thought you needed. Things from the old pub, back in Kenmare.”

“What? I took everything with me when I stopped.” I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“Not all, mate.” Nathan replied. “It’s outside the door, I brought a courier along. Go and get it, boy.”

“What?” He said. I could feel my heart beating harder than ever before as his steps moved quickly across the floor.

The door flew open, and he was there. The change I saw in his eyes - from confused to surprised to beyond happy - was making my heart burst.

“Courier service. Where should I put this box?” I asked and tried to keep cool all the while the smile on my face was doing the exact opposite.

He didn’t speak. Instead, he closed the distance between us, lifted me up and spun me around, until he kissed me.

It felt like the world disappeared around us. 

#thunder #the thunder series #thunder series #thunder 38 #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

Update!

Hello my lovelies! I hope you’re all well. I’ve been swamped this summer, working between 40 and 50 hours a week, which means I have fallen behind with a lot of my writing. Especially the Thunder series. I am so, so sorry for that, but I will begin writing again when time allows me to. Other than my writing issues, my life is going incredibly well ❤️

[fa-nfiction]

Hunters and Prey,

Chapter One

( ... )

The worst part was always the solitude. The loneliness that came, whenever one of us wasn’t needed. Of course, the mansion had anything one could possibly desire. There was a tennis court, there was a gym, three large swimming pools, gaming rooms, cinema, and of course, the garden. If one of us wanted something, we’d usually just say it to our Master, and he would make it happen. The last time, one of the girls had asked for a bouncy castle, and when it had been set up, every single one of us had tried it. It was a blissful day.

But the nighttimes were horrible, if one hadn’t been chosen. The feeling of being alone would sometimes cause me to have thoughts of what was before, and I would begin to cry. Usually, a guard watching the monitors would find out, and not far after this, Michael would come by with a sleeping pill or an injection. He would stroke my hair lovingly as I battled the medicine within my body, not wanting to sleep now when I finally wasn’t alone anymore. But the medicine always won.

( ... )

I, however, was lucky enough to be a favourite. And like that I didn’t have a lot of lonely days. Today, I lay on the floor on a blanket, watching intently as my Master typed away on his computer. I didn’t know what it was about, I never felt the need to ask. Lord knows, I didn’t want to go into the computer myself, unless I wanted a horrifying punishment.

I always imagined him as someone with a lot of power. I knew he used to be a soldier, but now his work was something else. Maybe he was a military lawyer now. Who knew. All I knew was that I loved to watch him. Especially now, as he stretched his arms behind his neck and clenched his jaws at the words on the screen. He wasn’t content.

“Come here, Alisa.” He said absentmindedly as he patted his thigh. “Over here, puppy.”

I crawled as fast as I could to where he was sitting - walking in his quarters was prohibited - and put my head on his thigh. He put a hand on my head and began to stroke me softly, and I felt like I was in heaven.

“My good girl.” He spoke and collected my hair in his hand before pulling back. Of course, I knew his ways, and this gesture didn’t cause me fear anymore. Now, It only turned me on. I gasped and closed my eyes as he held my head back.

“Open your eyes, darling.” I did as he said, and looked into his own. It never ceased to amaze me how beautiful they were. So warm, so loving, so wonderful eyes. He had cornflower-blue irises and long lashes, and it made him look almost sweet. They held no evidence of the twisted side that laid beneath the surface, but I adored every aspect of him. Not only adored, but craved and needed and wanted. The rest of the men were fantastic. I loved every single one of them, but none so much as him.

“Did you miss me while I was away?” He asked. He kept his stern grip in my hair, but caressed me with his other hand at the same time. It made me feel like I was his everything, his only one.

“Of course I did, Master.”

“Who have kept you company, puppy?” He traced a finger along my bottom lip, and I felt the need for him grow stronger between my legs.

“Master Luke on Monday, Sir. And Thursday, I was invited to join Master Tom and his Raven.”  

“Good, puppy. And the rest of the days?”

“None, Sir.” I replied truthfully. This week had been almost unbearable, but these were the conditions I had had to endure. There were so many girls compared to the much fewer men. Of course, one had to be alone for some periods of time. Right now, in this moment, I couldn’t feel the pain at all. My Master was with me, that was all that mattered.

“Are you serious, puppy? Or are you lying?” His face had grown concerned. “There will be dire consequences if you’re lying to me, you know that.”

I quickly shook my head. “Of course not, Sir. But I’m sure they have all been … busy, or something … I have been fine, Master, I’ve gotten plenty of food and watched films, and-”

“Hush, puppy.” He released the grip of my hair and smoothed it out. “I’m not mad at you, darling.”

Darling. He’d only call me this if I had behaved extraordinarily well or if something had gone completely wrong. I feared that it was the latter.

“Please, don’t be mad at them, Master, I’m sure they’ve had a lot to see to.”

“I’ll decide that for my own, puppy.” He leaned back, frowning. “Go to your corner and get into position. I have an important phone call to make.”

 I did what he asked, and crawled to the small podium at the corner of his room. After a second of confusion about whether or not I should strip naked, I decided not to. After all, he hadn’t given me the command to do so. In the early days, when I was always frightened or confused, I had learned in the brutally hard way that I was to follow all of his orders. Unspoken as well as spoken.

 The position was the same as always. Arms stretched out and ready to be tied, cheek down against the floor, back arched and legs widely spread. As I assumed it, I heard him beginning to speak.

“Tom, hey, it’s Chris.”

Tom’s voice could be heard from the other end, but I couldn’t make up his words.

“My puppy has just informed me that she was without company for 5 out of 7 days in this past week. How could this happen?”

Tom’s voice again.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

Oh no. He was angry.

“I’ve specifically asked you to keep her company. You could have at least asked the others for help.” He snarled at Tom, and it made chills run down my spine.

No other than the men in this house - his equals - would ever even dream about addressing him like this. He was simply too powerful, too dominant, too … downright scary. One bad look from him, and one knew to never disobey him again.

At my first days here, only one man had scared me more than Tom himself, and that was the man who had turned out to be my new Master. Of course, things were different now.

“Very well. I’ll be content if that’s the case.” My Master’s voice had shifted now. He even let out a low laugh. “I think she’ll enjoy that. Very well. See you, Tom.”

 “Now. Where were we, puppy?”

I heard him walking across the floor and the mere sound of it was enough to make my breath hitch. I heard his steps stop and that made the need even worse.

“Were you a good puppy while I was away?” He asked as he laid one of his hands on my back, softly stroking it up and down.

“I was, Sir.” I replied. My voice had already started to tremble.

“Did you please Master Luke?”

“I did.”

I hoped and prayed that he wasn’t going to ask me how. I always became way too embarrassed when I had to tell him about these things.

“And Master Tom?”

“I did, Sir.”

“And have you behaved?”

The constant caresses of his hand came to a halt at my hesitation. I could never lie to him, but right now, the truth wasn’t all too appealing either.

“Puppy, I asked you a question.”

I felt tears forming in my eyes at his question.

“I haven’t, Sir.” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “But I was alone, and I missed you, Sir, and I caught a glimpse of some of the others, and … it was just the one time, I swear! And -“

“Hush, now.” My words turned to tears instead. “I’m very proud that you’re confessing this to me, puppy.”

“I … I didn’t mean to disobey you, Sir.” I whimpered. I longed for his caresses but I knew they would only come after the next step.

If I was lucky enough.

“But puppy got a bit hot and flustered.”

I swallowed again. “Y-yes, Sir.”

“And you are aware of the consequences.”

“Yes, Sir.” I tried to steel myself for what was about to come. As I heard the sound of his belt being opened and pulled through the loops, I bit my lip as if to prepare mentally.

“I am not going to tie you up today, puppy. If you feel like running away, remember that you will punished some more.”

He spoke, and I moved to nod my head in understanding, but then the first hit fell.

Thwack. I screamed loudly with the pain, it felt like my cheeks had been set on fire. I thanked some higher powers up above that he hadn’t removed my knickers yet.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

I was already shaking from the pain, and tears were obscuring my vision. He, however, leaned down and pressed himself against my back, panting with excitement. The sound of it made me feel like I was in heaven.

“My good girl.” He panted as he reached down between my legs. Firmly, he pressed his hand against my knickers.

“You’re so wet already, puppy.”

I moaned in return. The way his hand grinded against me was way too much.

“I think you like this. Tell you what … 15 more, does that seem fair to you?”

“Yes, Sir.” I whimpered and braced myself for more.

He did not hold back. I could tell from the strength of his blows and his heavy breathing that this wasn’t just punishment. Something was bothering him. As always, one of his girls had to pay the prize for it.

At the final blow, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Several times I had fought the urge to crawl away from him, but then remembered the consequences there would be.

Once again, he folded himself closely against me with one arm around my waist and the other entwining itself in my hair.

“Such a good girl.” He panted against my ear. His praise made me feel like I had died and gone to heaven. “Up on your knees. Open your mouth.”

I did as he asked, although my legs and knees were wobbling after the ordeal I’d been through.

I felt his beard scratching the skin as he placed a kiss on the side of my neck, all the while he put two fingers inside of my mouth. His other hand moved down between my legs and began to move. My moan was muffled by his fingers.

“Suck.” He commanded and pushed his fingers to the very back of my tongue, making me gag.

I had, of course, endured the same kind of training as the rest of the girls here, and his ministrations only served to turn me further on. He barely even had to touch me between my legs before I crashed down, roaring and moaning, my orgasm mostly caused by the fingers in my mouth. He held me steady against him, bringing me to the edge and beyond several times before he finally let go and I collapsed on the podium.

I was shaking badly with the aftershocks of my orgasms, but that came to a halt as I felt an ice cold steel blade pressed against the top of my back.

“Good girl.” He said, his breath quick, as he slid the blade along my spine until finally, it was at hem of my underwear. I felt it gliding to the side, a sudden snap, and he had cut through the fabric. He did the same in the other side, and I was now completely naked.

I barely had a second to brace myself before he had freed himself and entered me in one quick, violent thrust.

The feeling of his thick cock inside of me along with the way his loins crashed into my burning skin made me cry out  even louder than before. He grabbed my hips to keep me steady and entered me again and again, each time eliciting wild moans from me. After a moment, he took hold of my hair and pulled me up so my back was against his chest. It was just his hips moving now, strong and unforgiving, as he sought out his climax. One hand wrapped itself around my neck and the other went between my legs. As I felt his cock beginning to spasm and his hand moving faster against me, I came for the fourth time. A few strong thrusts from him, and he was done as well. He collapsed on top of me on the podium, and we laid there, panting in each other’s arms.

“I’ve missed you, puppy.” He said and kissed the top of my back.  He only laid there for a moment before standing up and correcting his clothes again.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment, and before we knew it, Michael had let himself in.

“Chris! Welcome home. Hello, Alisa.”

“Thank you. Good to be back.” The men exchanged handshakes and pats on the back, while I slowly sat up and tried to collect myself.

“I can see that you’ve been busy, I’m sorry. But the boss wants to see us all in 30 minutes.”

“Alright.” My Master replied and began to put his clothes back on. Before I knew it, he was on his way to their meeting.

I was alone again.

{NOTE: This fic was inspired by this story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15364974?view_full_work=true written by the amazing and talented @fanficshiddles . Permission to post this has been granted.)

#hunters and prey #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction #@fanficshiddles #fanficshiddles #nsfw #nsfw fiction

[fa-nfiction]

New fic!

So ... something unexpected happened! I have been reading the wonderful stories by @fanficshiddles for years now, and one of the stories inspired me to write a spin-off of sorts. It’s a Chris Evans fanfic (yes, that surprised me as well). 1st chapter will be up in a minute. Be warned, it’s NSFW and dark, just like the original which can be read here (highly recommend it!): https://archiveofourown.org/works/15364974?view_full_work=true

#@fanficshiddles #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #37

The old Interpol hit stopped as the phone rang out. I was frozen in place, my eyes wide and simply staring at Michael. He casually lifted his phone once more, pressed the number and the song began to play again. I couldn’t believe a single thing that was happening. In the movies, the main character would have dropped everything and come running to the hero, but this wasn’t two protagonists. This was two confused people who had seemingly fucked up everything and was now stuck in unfamiliar territory. As the song began to play again, now for the third time, I realized that I didn’t have the phone on me. It felt like I was walking in slow motion as I went back into the bedroom only to see the light from the phone screaming his name at me. As I picked it up and pressed “decline”, he stood in the doorway. I had to speak. I had to say something. Anything. I hadn’t, however, anticipated the words that came out.

“This doesn’t make … sense.” My voice sounded exactly like I felt. Confused and weary.

“What?” He moved closer but kept at a reasonable distance.

“You’re moving.”

“I got a new job.”

I sighed in return. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

“You’ve … You think that I don’t …“ I began to walk back and forth in the room. “That I don’t want to be with you.”

“You don’t, Cas.”

“Maybe I should decide that for myself?” I spun around and looked at him. In return, he stepped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. His eyes held an incredible sadness, and I understood why. This was going to be the end. As he finally spoke his voice seemed so controlled that the unsaid spoke more to me than his words.

“I’ve hurt you, and you won’t ever forget that. You need someone who you feel you can trust.”

“I trusted you. Back then. I trusted you, and -”

“I know. And I’m sorry. If I could do it all over again, change things, I would.”

I wriggled out of his hands and could see the hurt that it caused him.

“And now you’re moving to London.”

“Yeah.”

“To get away from it all.”

He didn’t answer, he simply looked down, hands in his pants pockets. That was all the answer I needed. My heart was broken, and it was on the both of us.

“I’ll come and visit. To see the boy. And the two of you can come visit me as well.”

“I’ll …” I hesitated. “That’s … great. I have to … I have to go home.”

I put on my winter coat hastily and avoided his eyes. I saw him taking a step forwards but dodged his route. Before he could protest, I had left his apartment.

( … )

The words he had told me ran in circles inside of my mind. You need someone who you feel you can trust. But I couldn’t trust anybody. Not Richard, not Michael, not even myself. I smoked as I stood on the landing in front of his door and looked over the snow-covered streets. The snow had laid a blanket on all of the buildings and pavements, and the small sounds that used to be here at night were simply gone. No cats that would sneak past the old stone buildings, no cars that would drive on the main road down the block, no enamoured couples that would stand in the middle of the road, unable to postpone their embraces. Once, that was me. Once, that was Michael. Once, we stood here, in the snow.

Everything else had gone awry that night, of course. But for those few seconds when we were kissing in the falling snow, I had felt he was mine and I his. I would have died a thousand times for him back then. Now, I just felt alone. Richard was long gone, probably living a good and full and rich life, with someone who wasn’t soiled by another man, someone who was good and regular and wouldn’t break the facade, and I hated the thought of him. I had nobody but this town and my baby. I felt warm tears streaming slowly down my cheeks at the thought of it all. The realization that I would have to move on, to forgive Richard, to forget Michael, seemed just as impossible as going home through these hills of snow. With hands shaking from the incredible cold, I struggled to light another cigarette. At the 7th failed attempt, I exclaimed a desperate grunt and threw the lighter as far as I could. It landed soundlessly in the snow a few metres away and everything seemed like an anticlimax. A soft click was heard from behind me, and I turned around, teeth chattering and my tears freezing the skin of my face. He looked at me, bewildered that I hadn’t left yet, and looking like he felt every bit as sad as me.

“I thought you’d left.” He said. “There was this noise … I had to check on it.”

“I threw away my lighter.” I sniffled, defeated.

“Is it really the time to be kicking the habit?” He smiled shortly, a glimpse from the past in his eyes.

“No.” I shook my head and knew what I had to do. “No, it isn’t.”

I took two steps towards his door, stretched to stand up on my toes, and kissed him.

 I felt his surprise like a gasp against my lips and a jolt through his body, but within a second it had vanished. Instead, his initial surprise turned into reciprocation. His hands cupped my face so tenderly, that it felt as if he was afraid he was going to break me, all the while his kiss grew stronger.  I put my hands on top of his and stopped to look him in the eyes.

“I do want you.” I said, my voice coming out as a whisper. “You asshole.”

He smirked and cocked an eyebrow at me, bewildered. “Asshole?”

“You don’t get to decide for me what I want. And I’m so mad at you for even saying something like th-”

My words were cut short by him, kissing me again and this time with more vigor than before. His hands went from my face and downwards until they were on my waist. I leaned against him, my hands in his hair and my lips kissing him as if there was no tomorrow. I felt him hiss as my fingers touched his skin and remembered where we were and that I was covered in snow. I pulled back slightly.

“You’re going to freeze to death like that.” I whispered against him. He smiled so brightly at me that the small creases at his eyes appeared.

“I think it’ll be worth it.” He leaned in to kiss me again and I could feel myself beginning to laugh with the ridiculousness of his line.

“Do people say things like that and expect it to work?” I giggled and felt like this was the first time we met. No drama, no backstory, no pain or sadness or anger. He laughed at my remark and I saw the glinting in his eyes before he pulled me closer again.

“It works on you.” He teased.

I shook my head at him, a blatant lie, and he pulled me inside of his apartment.

 But I wasn’t going to let him win. Instead of falling into his arms and letting him do whatever he wanted, I pushed him against the cupboard in his hall. My kisses went from his lips and to his neck, down to his collarbone and further yet. Everytime he was hit by the cool sensation of my chilled lips, he hissed and jolted with the cold. It was strangely intoxicating, and the temptation was entirely too much for me. I looked up at him, and he smirked down at me, unaware of my devious plans. Suddenly, I brought a hand down his pants, and he howled with the shock it caused.

“MY GOD, CAS!” He shrieked and pulled my ice-cold hand from where it had escaped to, and I was almost dying from the laughter. “YOU DEVIL WOMAN!”

A moment more of laughing and howling, and he effectively set his revenge in motion. In a swift move, he lifted me up in a fireman’s grip and walked towards his bedroom, me still laughing uncontrollably from my upside down position.

 In his bedroom, he threw me on top of his bed. I stuck my tongue out at him, still teasing him, and he simply smirked at me, eyes burning against my own and telling me more than any words could do. Within a moment, I had wriggled out of my winter clothes and he had expertly removed the remaining pieces, all except my underwear.

The sudden surrealness of the situation made me hesitate all the while he was above me, planting kisses on my shoulder and caressing my sides. He felt it and stopped to look at me.

“What?” He asked, his eyes in a strange mixture of desire and compassion.

“I …” I whispered. Suddenly, I could feel tears pressing to get out. “I don’t want you to leave.”

He looked at me with such earnestness that it made it so much worse altogether. His hands cupped my face, and he leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips. He pressed his forehead against mine and it felt like everything was falling apart.

“It’s not until after Christmas.” He whispered, and I could see the pain in his eyes as he spoke.

“Make me forget it.” I replied.

 His hands went to caress my hair, fingers entwining in my curls, before his hands travelled further to my cheeks until finally, his thumb was grazing my bottom lip. With his other hand, he caressed my body, tracing it along my collarbone, past my side until it rested between my legs. He caressed me absentmindedly, not wanting to rush anything, and yet, I felt the despair like a fog surrounding us.

“More.” I demanded.

“As you please.” He said and removed the knickers swiftly. As his large hand cupped me, now naked beneath him, the feeling was beyond perfect. I could hear from his quickened breath and feel it from the tension in his body, that he enjoyed the contact every bit as much as I did.

“Oh, Cas. I’ve missed you.” He whispered before he kissed me once again and entered me with his fingers. I moaned against his lips as he sought out all of the magic spots inside of me, caressing me as we’d never been apart.

“I … missed … you … more.” I managed to say between kisses and moans, until he sped up his pace and I could no longer speak. Instead, I grabbed him by the hair, pulling at him while he kissed my breasts and stomach, all the while his fingers drove me further against the edge.

“Not yet, Cassie … not yet.”

He didn’t slow down, though, and his fingers kept on their relentless pace until I was only seconds away. Then, they stopped as he pulled them out of me. My eyes had been closed with the sensation but now, they sprung open, while a frustrated wail escaped me. I could hear him chuckling, he knew all too well the effect he had on me. After a moment more of waiting, he moved back to me, taking my hands in his own and raising them above my head. I could feel myself trembling with the anticipation as I felt his sex against mine, dragging out the thing we were both waiting for. As he finally entered, ever so agonizingly slow, it felt like the purest and most delicious kind of torture. I moaned as I felt him go deep and a hoarse, erotic groan from him told me that he savoured the feeling just as much as me. Somewhere, in the back of my head, a tiny thought was threatening to destroy it all. He’s leaving. This will be our goodbye. As if he’d somehow sensed it, he pressed his forehead against mine and made me open my eyes.

“Don’t think, darling. Don’t think …”

He put one arm around my body and held me tight as he began to go faster, still with his eyes fixed on my own. I had missed the way his eyes would glaze over whenever he went deep inside of me. I had missed the small groans that he couldn’t help but make when he was torn between going faster and teasing me until I was begging for more. My hands went to his hair and my legs locked around his waist, and I urged for him to continue.

“Please. Please, Michael … more.”

He smiled that dangerous smile that I loved and was going to miss forever, and began to go fast. My moans turned into small screams of pleasure as I felt his hips pistoning against mine, his cock stretching me, our bodies colliding like enemies in the night. Soon, I saw his face change, and the eyes that clenched shut while his teeth clenched, and he was done. It didn’t take more than a few seconds for him to get back to me, though. Swiftly, he pulled out and raised me up to sit in front of him. My arms and legs were shaking with exhaustion, but the need for release overcame it easily.

“Sit like that. Don’t move an inch.” His voice was low, and I felt shivers running down my spine, even more so as he placed himself behind me on the bed. His mouth placed kisses on my earlobe and my neck and shoulder, while one hand dove down to where it was before. His other arm was placed around my upper body, holding me in place.

“Spread your legs, darling …” He whispered, only an inch from my ear, and I did as he told me to. Immediately, his fingers went inside me, and I shrieked with the feeling. I heard him groan behind me, apparently lost in the pleasure of pleasuring me, and as he sped up the pace of his fingers, I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I shook and spasmed and writhed wildly as the climax fell down upon me like some bomb from above, and through it all, he held me tightly, riding out the wave alongside me.

“That’s it, darling … that’s it …” he whispered as I came down from an unimaginable high, shaking and convulsing with the small jolts that would always follow. Like so many times before, they were accompanied by tears. I felt the warmth of them running down my cheeks, and I felt his thumbs wiping them gently away, all the while his words were soothing me and making everything feel perfect. I fell asleep like that, in his arms, simultaneously spent and sad and blissful.

 ( … )

 The cold was what made me wake up in the morning. I could feel it on the tips of my ears and nose, the rest of me was wrapped up in blankets and held close by his arms from behind me. As he felt me stirring, he wrapped another blanket tightly around us.

“Good thing you didn’t pack that away already.” I mumbled as I turned around to see him. He smiled meekly at me as I went to lay my head on his chest.

“I like to be prepared, remember?” He said and caressed the skin of my back. The silence felt like it was everywhere. No sounds from the street, even though the sun was already bright and high. Everything was muffled from the snow. I wanted to ask him when he was planning to leave, but I couldn’t. Instead, I prayed for time to stop.

“Is someone coming to help you? With the boxes and all.” My voice was a bit hoarse from yesterday’s cigarettes.

“Mm-hmm. James and Yasmin. But not until tonight.”

Tonight. He’s going to leave tonight.

“Great.” I replied and tried to seem nonchalant. He sensed it and chuckled slightly.

“Yeah. I feel the same way, Cas.”

I looked up at him, and he looked impossibly perfect. Tousled hair, those small lines around his eyes, that sad smile he sent me, the way he looked at me. As if nothing bad had ever happened between us, as if nothing bad was ever going to happen again.

In the course of a second, I had wrangled my way out of the blankets and sat on top of him. He was naked beneath me, and I tried to not be distracted.

“Can you … perhaps … not go?” I fluttered my eyelashes at him and grinded my hips against him. Thousands of women have used this trick for centuries, I might as well try.

“Sure.” He chuckled and placed his hands on my hips. “I’ll stay right here, Cas.”

“Well, that was easy.” I swayed my hips and taunted him more.

“Of course it means that I’ll have no job and no place to live. And I’ll let down Nathan and probably lose him as a friend. But anything for you, darl’.” He continued, smirking. My playfulness from before turned to sadness, and I wanted to get down from where I sat. Michael’s hands kept me in place, however.

“But -” He sat up and kissed me on the neck. I felt goosebumps appearing where he kisses had been. “You can come with me. The both of you. I’ll find us somewhere nice. You’ll get back to where you were born. And our little rascal can see the city …”

I felt his hands going from my hips and around my waist until they were caressing the soft skin of my backside. He was trying to seduce me, and it was working all too well.

“I can’t go to London.” I sighed and felt my breath hitching in my throat as I felt the hardness of him that was now directly between my legs. “I have my … friends here. My mom … everyone.”

“But me.” He pulled me closer and I gasped with the sensation as he rubbed against me. “You’ll miss me waaay too much over here. And I won’t be able to understand anything they’re saying. I can’t cope without you there, Cas.”

I finally spread my legs enough for him to enter and he did without hesitation. For a second, we were both lost in sensation as our bodies joined.

“Then … don’t … leave.” I said between breaths as he began to move inside of me.

“Don’t … stay.” He replied and continued. The feeling of him inside of me was almost enough to make me forget the sadness, and he went on until we were where we began. Back at the start. Back at the beginning of the end.

( … )

The brightness of the sun had finally managed to melt some of the massive hills of snow that had gathered in the streets, but the traffic had not yet really begun. Michael’s car, the old heatless Fiat, drove almost effortlessly through the small roads until we were at my mother’s. I had told him that I was perfectly capable of going by foot, but he insisted on going with me, just as I’d hoped. This was a chance for him to see Teddy, and no matter how the future looked, I couldn’t deny him that.

“So. What do we do?” He said as he stopped the engine and immediately after rubbed his hands together to get some warmth in them. I had no idea what he was talking about. London? Teddy? What?

“Uh, I … don’t know?”

“Your mom. Do we act cool or do we make out in the door?”

I burst out laughing and he did the same. Don’t be so sweet. Goodbye is hard enough as it is.

“Definitely act cool. Ass.” I half-yelled at him as we got out of the car and went to knock on my mother’s door. She was there to answer after a minute.

“Darling! Oh, and Michael. Hi. Well, that took you long enough.” She exclaimed as she hugged and kissed the both of us. We were both completely confused with her greeting.

“I’m … sorry I didn’t text you before, Mom, I was helping Michael with some stuff, and … has he been terrible?” Immediately, I felt bad. If Teddy had kept my Mom up all night, it was on me.

“Oh no-no, he’s been an absolute angel. He’s slept through the night and behaved so well, darling. No, that was not what I meant.” She looked at me, then at Michael, and then back at me. For some reason, I could feel myself blushing wildly.

“It’s not … we’re not … um.” I stuttered as my face grew even redder.

“Sure thing, darling. Now, get inside. The both of you. I thought you had already moved, Michael?”

“Uh … not yet. We’re taking the last trip tonight, though.”

“And you have someone to help you? Besides my daughter.”

I was confused beyond compare now, while Michael simply nodded.

“Uh … mom? Did you know about this?”

“The whole town knows by now, honey. Oops, there goes the boy -“

She was gone in a flash, as Teddy’s voice came through the baby monitor. Michael simply shrugged and went into the kitchen while I was left in the hallway, dumbfounded.

“Why didn’t she tell me? That you were leaving?”

“I have no idea, Cas. But you’ve been through a lot lately. Maybe she didn’t want to spring it on you …”

“So she let you do the dirty work instead.”

“Turned out well enough, didn’t it, honey?” My mom replied, suddenly back with a smile on her face and my boy in her arms. Teddy sat quietly and smiled at us, his eyes still sleepy from the long nap he’d taken.

“Teddyyy! Ooooh, my boy … look who’s here! It’s Daddy-” I cooed as I took him from my Mom’s arms and held him tightly.  After a moment of hugging and nuzzling and laughing at his chubby little hands that were grabbing my face, I passed him on to Michael. The two of them bonded like they always did, hugging and laughing, and my heart was breaking at the thought of what was about to happen.

( … )

My fingers felt like they were about to break off from the cold, as I stood and smoked outside of his apartment in the evening. We had left Teddy at his grandmother’s, and she was more than happy to help. Somehow, she knew exactly what was going on, and she even seemed strangely relieved. My mind was the exact opposite, and there were too many questions for me to ask in the sparse time we had. Now was not the time, either. James and Michael were loading the gigantic cupboard from his father’s onto the truck, and it was not an easy task. Yasmin was supplying coffee to the four of us, all the while trying to cheer me up. That was about as difficult a task as the one the men were in charge of.

“Oy! J! Don’t HOLD IT LIKE THAT!” She yelled at them, and the sight of her reminded me of some mad soccer fan yelling profanities at his team when they missed a big chance. Beautiful, poised, but still. James managed to adjust his grasp on the cupboard, Michael did the same, and with a smirk at me he continued the journey into the truck.

“Your coffee is fucking awful, Yasmin.” I scrunched my nose at the strong taste of it. The consistency of it reminded me of tar, but it kept me warm and awake.

“Don’t lie to me. You love it.” She nudged me slightly and made me smile, even if for a second.

“I didn’t know you had overtaken the pub. Or that he was moving. I didn’t know anything until yesterday.”

“I know, Cassandra. I’m sorry. I think I … I just wanted you two to figure it out yourselves. You know?” She looked at me and I knew she was being honest.

“Well, our timing is impeccable, as you can see.” I tried to make a full smile but I felt it dying along the way.

“Ha!” She exclaimed. “That’s true.”

While dusting dirt from their gloves, the men came over to where we stood. The cold and the work had reddened Michael’s cheeks and I wanted nothing more than to take him home and never let him leave again.

“Just a few boxes left and we’re done.” James said and gave me a light pat on the arm. Of course, both he and Yasmin knew by now that something had happened, and in turn they both treated me as if they were the cause of his departure. Small apologetic smiles, slight pats on the back, and of course, Yasmin’s indescribable coffee.

I forced down another sip before Michael came over to me and removed the cup from my hands before pulling me into a big hug.

I inhaled the scent of him and closed my eyes to keep from crying.

“I know.” He whispered in my ear and pulled back to look me in the eyes. A strand of hair had escaped its place beneath my woolen hat and he put it behind my ear before cupping my face with his hands.

“Come with me.”

“You know I can’t.”

“I’ll be asking you until you’re too annoyed with me to say anything but yes.” He teased. I wanted to believe him and imagined myself at 73 years old, yelling “FINE! I’ll go to London with you.” The strange fantasy made me smile a bit and the tears were suppressed.

“So, you’re staying at Nathan’s? Until you’ve found somewhere?” I asked, and he nodded in return.

“Yup. There’s plenty of room, though. I’m sure you two can come and -”

He was interrupted by a pat on the shoulder from James.

“I’m sorry to break up you two, but … it’s time.” James looked like he had just asked two people to carry out the casket from a funeral. Yasmin’s face had the same expression. Michael, however, wasted no time and closed his arms around me.

“Don’t go.” I finally began to cry as I pressed my face against his shoulder. He pulled back to look down at me, his blue eyes looking sad, peaceful, blissful, and tired all at the same time. He leaned down and kissed me, and I once again prayed for time to stop.

“Don’t stay, Cas.”

#thunder series #the thunder series #Thunderstorm #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction #thunder 37

[fa-nfiction]

@obsessedwithpretty79 @kiss-my-fass Thank you for your comments!! The next chapter will be up in a few days, at the most.

#thunder #thunder series #the thunder series #thunder 36 #thunder 37

[fa-nfiction]

All alone in the danger zone Are you ready to take my hand? All alone in the flame of doubt Are we going to lose it all? I could never leave you in the city lights I could never beat the storm in your eyes The storm in your bright eyes

“City Lights” by Blanche

#thunder series #the thunder series #the thunder series music #blanche #city lights

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #36

Everything inside of me told me to call my friends. To ask them what I should do. But that meant that I had to tell them everything that had happened. The way that I’d used Michael because I just couldn’t leave him alone. The way that I’d begun drinking and partying to forget all the things that I’d done. They already knew that I’d been pregnant, of course, and they had probably thought that the loss was because of the wild life I’d been living. They didn’t judge me, or at least, way less than I did myself.

But the thought of Caitlin rolling her eyes uninhibitedly at me, or Megan shaking her head at me, while I was wondering whether or not to help out my estranged ex, was simply too much. They both seemed so settled now. Caitlin was talking about babies and trying to convince Chris that they would have plenty of room for one in their apartment. Megan was sending Snapchats every now and then, depicting dinner arrangements or cups with tea in front of the T.V., never showing her mysterious boyfriend but always showing how happy she was. Neither of them needed me, it seemed. I was just the single mom who became addicted to everything too fast and who would once in a while park my child at their apartments, leaving the responsibility to someone else than myself. If anything, they would tell me that I should just go and see him. That I should make friends with him. That it would help in the future, that I always had someone who could take care of my boy. But I didn’t need their advice. I wanted someone to come and tell me: Stay at home. You got this. You can be a perfect parent all by yourself. No matter how much you miss him. Don’t go to him.

My own inner voice didn’t supply the reason I needed and before I knew it, I stood outside of his door.

( ... )

“Cas! Christ. Come in, how long have you stood there?” He ushered me inside of his apartment, and I entered in a flurry of winter clothes and snowflakes. 

“It began to snow a lot. I- I wasn’t out there for long.” I lied, and we both knew it. I had been standing out there for the better part of 15 minutes before I mustered the strength to knock on his door. Two cigarette buds were out there as a silent proof of it, but they were rapidly becoming covered by the snow. He cocked an eyebrow but said nothing, and I was thankful that he at least had that courtesy. He looked tired, I thought. The small lines around his eyes had grown deeper since I last saw him. It felt like decades ago that he smiled and laughed with me, and that added to the awkwardness of me being here. I cleared my throat of something that wasn’t there and looked around to avoid looking more at him.

“Holy sh … shit. You’ve … redecorated?” The empty walls and the even emptier hall helped me through the strange silence.

This looked like nothing I remembered, and it was simply too empty and too unfamiliar not to address.

“Uh … you could say that.”

“Where are the posters and stuff? The dresser?”

“Already moved it.” His reply was short and dry, as if I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Moved … it?”

“Yup. Going to drive again tomorrow.”

“I’m a bit lost here. Driving where?”

“Storage room. I’m moving.” He used the same dry tone again. “I figured Yasmin would’ve told you.”

“Um … no. When?”

“I’ll be loading the truck for the last time tomorrow. That’s why you’re here.”

I felt like a giant question mark.

“You wanted my help to … move?”

He chuckled with a strange lifeless voice. “No. It’s a cupboard I need help with. I could saw it to pieces or smash it with a hammer, but I figured, maybe I could keep it and sell it to someone. But then I need help to take it down.”

“Wauw. Michael the merchant.” I teased to try and wrap my head around the fact.

“Yeah. London life is expensive. But I guess you know that already.”

“Hold up. London??”

“Yeah.” He simply shrugged and walked down the hallway. No explanation, nothing, only this weirdly cold behavior and me who was left in a state of shock. It wasn’t until a moment later when I heard him calling my name, that I managed to snap out of it for a moment.

“It’s in here, Cas. Coming?”

( ... ) 

After a bit of instruction, I found myself, trying to keep most of the cupboard from collapsing while Michael screwed out one of the sides. Much to my surprise, it was not an easy task, and I understood why he needed the help.

“It’s … fucking gigantic, this thing. Where the hell did you get a cupboard like this?”

He was crouched down on the other side of the cupboard, and I could just see him from my strained position. He was holding a couple of screws between his lips, and he removed them before replying.

“It was my dad’s. He died.”

“My condolences. I’m sorry -” I wanted to show empathy by saying his name. I found that I couldn’t, and my sentence became strangely amputated.

“It’s alright. He was an arse. Everyone’s happier without him.”

I didn’t know how to respond. I knew the backstory, of course, but this was neither the time nor the place to try to be a therapist. I didn’t feel like it, either. My mind was swarmed with the fact that Michael was moving - to London - and I’d likely never see him again.

“Um. How … Why …” My sentence was cut short by him, unfastening one side of the cupboard and putting it aside while I was struggling to stabilize the rest of the thing. As the side was effectively off, he procured some rope and strips and went to my side of the piece to connect the remaining three sides. The question I was trying to ask died on my tongue and began to hurt inside of me.

“Hold.” He reached for the top of the closet and tried to secure it with the rope.

“I am holding it.” I huffed, while the whole piece of furniture wobbled dangerously.

“Here … and … there.” He fastened the rope some more, and the cupboard stood more still than before.

“What about … “

“What about what, Cas?” He secured some strips and I let go of the furniture. I felt the blood running back into my arms.

“Teddy. What about Teddy? When are you going to see him?”

He furrowed his brows and clenched his jaw. I could see the question was causing him pain, and I felt a strange joy from it.

“Go and have a break. I’ll fetch some drinks and tell you about it.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want to know what his plans were. I didn’t want any of this to happen. Instead of telling him that, I just nodded and went to sit in his living room.

( … )

The room was bared, except for moving boxes and a few items here and there. I didn’t know where to sit or what to do, so I just stood, waiting for him to bring us some sodas.

“Here.” He entered the room and handed me a glass of sparkling coke. I took it but couldn’t drink it. The shock that had started as soon as I heard the news had multiplied several times. The feeling that I couldn’t talk properly to him was making it even worse.

He sat down against the wall and took a large sip from his glass. His seeming obliviousness finally made the tipping point.

“It.s … it’s … three-hundred pounds, Michael. Three hundred pounds for the cheapest flight to London. How did you think this was a good idea? I don’t have that kind of money.” I almost snarled at him from my standing position. He looked up at me, his tired expression more present than ever

“I’ll pay for it all, Cas. Flight, food, everything.”

“Oh, great. So I’ll just put an infant on board of the flight, or? Tell the stewardesses how to feed him during the trip?”

“You’ll go with him. At least until he’s older. I’ll pay for the both of you.”

“Oh, so I’ll just stop everything that I’m doing and go to an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY so that you can see your boy? Why do you think I’d accept that?”

“Or I’ll come to you.” He rubbed his temples with the lower parts of his hands, as if trying to procure a solution to make me less mad. “Can you hear me out?”

“I really don’t want to, Michael. What were you thinking? And what about … the pub, and … Yasmin? James?”

“Yasmin’s the boss of the pub now. James will come and visit once in a while, and so will she.”

“Wait … what? That pub is … was … your dream. When did this happen?” I was dumbfounded. This night held so many surprises that it made my head spin, and my anger had been replaced with confusion.

“It’s a long and dull story, Cas. Things happened and …”

“Things … happened?”

“Yeah.”

What?

“I’m at a loss for words here. But … your … family? Your friends?” Teddy. And me.

“They’re all supporting me.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? Shouldn’t I have a say in this?” “I don’t need your permission to go, Cas.” His eyes looked tired. I clenched my teeth and tried to conceal the anger and sadness that was suddenly overwhelming me. I felt tears trying to escape my eyes and I turned away.

“Did you need help with the rest of the cupboard?”

He hesitated before replying. “Sure. Let’s get it down.” 

( … )

We worked in silence. It seemed like thousands of question were occupying my mind, but they never had the courage to let themselves be asked. Like that, I stayed silent. It was only if he gave me a command or instruction, that I briefly nodded in return. The cupboard was coming apart slowly, and the shelves in it were being taken down one by one. In the very back of one of the top ones, I suddenly found something that I hadn’t expected in a million years.

“There’s … something here. A … teddy bear of some kind?”

“Oh. That’s where it was.” He simply took it out of my hands and put it on the floor, a slight smile on his face. “I was afraid he had gone missing.”

The strangeness of the situation prompted me to ask.

“Is it yours?” It didn’t look like an old, worn out toy from his childhood, it seemed too … new. It was a regular brown teddy bear, with long legs and an embroidered text on the back - “My teddy”.

“No.” He paused and looked at the bear as if deep in thought. “I bought it for him. For Teddy.”

Another pause. “I just never got around to giving it to him.”

“When did you buy it?” Something about Michael’s face made it feel like I already knew the answer. Even more so when he looked at me, his eyes looking like he had lived for a thousand years and had now grown weary.

“The night you were admitted. Got it at the gift shop.” He said, quietly, as the wall between us finally began to crumble. My hands had covered my mouth with the surprise that somehow wasn’t a surprise at all.

“You came?”

“I did.” Memories of the night my boy was born were flying through my brain. The pain. The uncertainty. The anxiety. Richard. Michael. And finally, the joy -

“You came, and bought a teddy bear, and left again?”

“That … he came too. Richard. He saw me, and I figured I would only be a disruption.”

My head was swimming with thoughts.

“But … why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he say that you were there?”

Michael chuckled, the thought of his old rival that had now long left the premises, now merely an amusement to him.

“Why would he? He had won.”

The strange wording made me think about Richard and the deception he had put me through. A well-known anger was bubbling underneath it all, and I suppressed it.

“Why didn’t you text me back? Call me?”

He shrugged in an effort to push the memories away.

“I figured you had texted the wrong guy.”

I couldn’t reply. Of course I hadn’t texted the wrong guy. I never wanted Richard to be there, but the pain became too much to handle on my own. Somehow, back then, I knew deep down that Teddy wasn’t his. I knew that the birth of him would be the end of us. Of course, I couldn’t tell Michael this. I just sat down on the floor and wondered how one person could single handedly fuck up her life as much as I’d done. I felt like I had become three decades older in the blink of an eye.

( … )

“You need this.” He held a Guinness in his outstretched arm and one in the other. I took it as he sat down in front of me, his back against the frame of the bed

“I’ve quit drinking, Michael.”

“Yeah. Same here.” He said and took a sip of the cold bottle. The taste made him do a strange grimace. After a moment where we did nothing but take sips of our beers, he decided to break the silence that had once again enveloped us.

“Is he at Liz’ place?”

“Yeah.” I looked at him and felt that the beer had already begun to work as intended. I procured a cigarette from the crumbled package in my jeans pocket, and he pushed over an old cup to use as tray. “I’ll never get used to the fact that you’re just calling her Liz.”

“Elizabeth seems a bit too formal for her. She’s more of a Liz.”

“I meant that I won’t get used to the fact that you two know each other.” I lit up my cigarette.

“Ah.” He nodded. “Ask her about it one day.”

“So, you’re not going to tell me?” He shook his head and took another sip of the beer.

“She’s a friend. Can’t betray her confidence. Can I bum a smoke?”

“Right. And go ahead.” I drank some more too, and the taste felt like liquid heaven. We sat like that in silence, smoking and drinking our beers until they had emptied and he fetched new ones. Oceans of time and fuck-ups and mistakes had passed between us, but right now we seemed to drift along together.

“London, huh.” I said, and it was more of a statement than it was a question.

“Yup.” His eyes were tired and the darkest blue I had ever seen. Everything in me wanted to yell at him to stay, to not leave us behind like this, but I couldn’t. What I could do and what I decided to do, aided by the beers, was all the more horrifying. Before I could stop it, the old jealousy monster came roaring back. Apparently with a vengeance.

“So aren’t you going to leave some girl broken-hearted?”

He looked at me with the saddest smile on his face, and I could have shot and buried myself right then and there. Why did I say that? Why, oh why, oh fuck-shit-WHY …

He ran his hand through his hair and fired the metaphorical gun.

“There is someone.” He looked down, shying away from me. I felt like I was dying, and yet, my voice stayed unfazed. All is good. All is good here. I feel no pain.

“See? London is a bad idea. And long-distance relationships never work out.” Not that I want it to.

He looked up at me and chuckled in a strained, low manner.

“If you say so, Cas.”

“Cassie.”

“Sorry.”

We sat there, the silence and the pain dividing and uniting us simultaneously, until finally, I got up from the floor.

“I should get going. It’s getting late.”

“Sure.” He got up as well. “Well, shit …” He exclaimed as he looked out the window and my eyes followed his. The heavy snow from earlier had now turned into a full-blown blizzard, and it was nearly impossible to even see the streetlights. The streets were covered in a thick blanket of snow, the wind was throwing large duvets of snow through the air, obscuring the visibility for everyone. The streets were completely and utterly empty.

“Ah, Christ. What …” I sighed with the frustration of having to go home through all of this.

“You’re staying here.” Michael suddenly said, and I turned around to look at him.  “It’s … I don’t want you getting hurt or something like that.”

It felt like I was exasperated down to the smallest bone in my body. I didn’t want to battle my way through tons of snow, this night had been tiring enough in itself. And like that, I agreed with him.

(... )

I don’t know what bothered me the most. If it was the sound of his snoring from the sofa in the living room or if it was the fact that he slept so soundly, so safely, while I was here, in his bed, feeling anything but sleepy. He slept like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was on his way to the future - new job, new country, a whole new life, and I was not a part of it. I was the accessory that came along with the child he would see now and then, whenever it suited him the best. I was stuck in this small town, without a job, without any possibilities, without a partner to share it all with. Just a burden to society. A single mother stuck on welfare. People would look at me in the streets and talk about me behind my back, and I had no one. I shifted from angry to sad to frustrated to angry again, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided that enough was enough, and that I had to get up and out and home. My plans of sneaking away in the night and thereby avoiding the dreaded goodbyes were obstructed as I heard the noise from the flushing of the toilet. He had awakened.

 “Cas?” He asked, surprised, as he was caught off-guard while exiting the bathroom. He looked at the winter coat draped over my arm and put two and two together. “Are you leaving?”

I nodded and looked anywhere but at him. The lump in my throat was threatening to expose me.

“Have you slept?”

Again, I nodded. It was a lie.

“I don’t think it’s gotten better. Probably more the opposite.” He gestured towards the street, where the snow was still everywhere.

“I’ll call a cab.” I replied and tried to ignore the way he looked. Pajama pants and nothing more. He reminded me of mornings when he would hold my hair and rub my back while my morning sickness made existing almost unbearable, and the memory made my heart ache.

“A cab?” He chuckled. “They can’t make it through in weather like this.”

I clenched my fists and tried to will the lump of grief inside of me to disappear. It worked for a second, and the anger came back to replace it.

“How can you do it?” I spat out and finally looked at him. “To her?”

“To … who?” He looked perplexed for a second.

“The girl … woman … whoever it is. Don’t you think you should … i don’t know … stop being a jerk to women?” My voice became strangely high-pitched at the end, but I was already so far gone that it didn’t matter. Hey everybody! Jealous Cassie is back …

“A … jerk?” He looked even more perplexed, and I got angrier by the second.

“You know what you did to me.” I hissed at him, my eyes burning with the feelings that had never really gotten out. “Why are you leaving someone else behind again? Why are you doing this again?”

“What the hell are you on about, Cas?” He raised his voice at me. “This is nothing like … us, back then.”

“Oh, but it is. Tired with your old life? Just kick out the girlfriend and move on. New life, new fun, new everything, none of the complications. How can you … how can you do that to her?”

“New fun?” I could see him getting angry, and I felt oddly content about that. “New … fun?”

“Yeah. Just like back then. You were probably swimming in sluts before I even left the pub. Oh, wait. You were. Was she any good?” I had now begun full-on yelling at him, and I felt hot, angry tears leaving my eyes. He stood there in front of me, jaws clenching, unable to stop the attack I’d begun.

“Did you enjoy it? Hmm? And are you gonna enjoy yourself this time too? New pub, new girls, and this time in London where they all look soooo fine -” I mocked him, each word causing him a new blow. He didn’t back down, though. With some kind of fierceness in his eyes, he took a step in front of me and it felt like he was going to push me out of his way. I stood my ground.

“You … know … nothing … about the time I had, Cassie.” He snarled lowly as he had gotten close. “You know nothing. So shut up.”

“Like hell I’m shutting up. I’m not going to stand and watch as you wreck another girl’s life. I just hope you haven’t gotten this one knocked up. Have you?”

The unexpected attack was below any moral standards I had left, and I could see it in the way he backed away.

“I’m not ... “ He hesitated. “I’m not with her like that.”

“Oh, that’s such a surprise, Michael. The no-commitment-guy is not in a relationship? SHOCKING.”

He leaned back against the wall and put his hands against his temples, as if trying to make me disappear like a bad hallucination.

“She doesn’t want me, Cas. Alright?” His eyes were pleading for me to stop now, but I couldn’t. I had found a wounded man and proceeded to kick him in the guts over and over again.

“Have you asked her? Have you asked her about it? I’m thinking you don’t have the ability to form a question like that.” He looked back at me, and something - the need to retaliate perhaps - made the shine in his eyes come back. “Should I, Cas? You think I should? Are you an expert on this, or?”

“Fuck yes, you should! I’m not going to let this happen to someone else ...” What the fuck am I doing.

He went into the living room, back straight and head held high, as he searched the room for his phone.

Now he’s going to call her. Why the fuck did I do this to myself.

“There. There it is. Happy now?” He went back into the hallway where I stood. For some reason, I had to see it through. I had to endure the pain, again.

“Dial her number.”

“Fine.” He snarled and opened the phone. I could see him finding the call option and tried to dream that I was somewhere else in this very moment.

Suddenly, a the muffled noise of a song playing could be heard somewhere. I recognized it immediately. C’mere by Interpol.

“ … It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves

The trouble is that you're in love with someone else

It should be me. Oh, it should be me …”

My phone was ringing.

#thunder 36 #thunder #the thunder series #thunder series #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

A New View, chapter 2

“Hi, excuse me. Are you … Miss Owen?”

The small receptionist from the hotel greeted me hesitantly, not knowing if she was addressing the right person. I nodded, thinking that I was probably easy to find. I kind of stood out at this place with its paintings, marble pillars and fancy decorations.

“Yes. That’s me. I’m supposed to meet … uh, a photographer here?”

“Yes, I’m aware, Miss Owen. Mr. Fassbender, yes?”

“Yes. Him.” I was stressing a bit at my unknown surroundings, making my voice come out a little bit too harsh. Thankfully, the receptionist’s calm demeanor helped a bit.

“He wanted me to tell you that he’s running a bit late. He says you can go to the room and get yourself readied, and he’ll be here as soon as possible. I have a key right over here, Miss Owen.”

“Please call me Lucy.”

She simply nodded and smiled in return before leading me to the large mahogany desk and almost disappearing behind it to retrieve my key. A moment later, I was on my way.

 Ninety-five. Ninety-five storeys. That’s how many floors there are on the Shard of Glass. I was only on the 73rd floor, and the view was making my head spin. I almost didn’t dare to go near the windows or do anything but stand still and try to make the queasiness disappear. The receptionist had made sure I had gotten a drink, and I was downing it way too fast. Once again, I was asking myself why the hell I’d put myself in a situation like this.

“Breathtaking. Isn’t it?” I spun around at the sound of his voice. I hadn’t heard him come in, it was yet another detail to this extravagantly luxurious place. Everything opened and closed with a soft, almost inaudible click.

“It’s … really something.” I smiled nervously back at him and pretended to be awestruck. In fact, I was more terrified than anything.

“I’m sorry I’m late. I had a shoot that took a bit longer than expected.” He said and put down his equipment. He looked well, casually clad in a black jumper and light slacks, hair slicked back and that look of focus present on his face. Had it not been for his large bag of equipment, he would have looked like a businessman’s version of casual Friday.

“It’s alright. Gave me time to … uh … enjoy the view.” I turned my back to him and tried to will myself to look out the window again. Oh. Look. The Tower of London. It’s not THAT scary. It’s not -

He chuckled lightly from behind me while rustling with his photography equipment.

“You know, miss Owen - I had an idea for the motive but I think we’ll go with something else.”

“What do you mean?” I kept looking out the window and tried to stop the shaking I’d unwillingly begun. I heard him getting closer until he stood next to me. My eyes were fixed on the Tower of London.

“I had an idea to have you lean against the glass.” He said lowly from his place beside me, and immediately I looked at him, horrified. I didn’t care about the facade anymore. Hell no, I’m not doing THAT … “But I’d rather not have you look just as terrified as the first time we did it.” He chuckled again and sent me a smirk. His eyes looked so playfully happy that I almost … almost … managed to forget the fear I felt. He went back to the equipment and picked his camera from his bag.

“I’d … appreciate another motive very, very much. Thank you.” I replied and downed the last bit of my drink. Thankfully I had had a good meal and didn’t feel tipsy at all. Just slightly more courageous than usually.

“You’ve always been scared of heights?” He asked casually and set up a tripod in front of the large four-poster bed that stood in the middle of the room. I began to get nervous again, but it wasn’t as bad as the fear of the height we were in.

“Mm-hmm. Ever since I was a kid.” “I should have picked another venue, then.” He smiled apologetically at me and I shook my head.

“There’s no way you could know. And this place is beautiful, it’s just … really … high up. Like we’re at a hotel in the sky. How did you get it? It must be crazy expensive. Does my fee cover it?” I was suddenly a bit worried about the cost of it all. This was a decadently luxurious place, and I had already given Michael all the money I could spare. Jonathan was providing for me back home, like he’d always done, but I’d rather not ask him to pay for this … surprise? Gift? Way to salvage our crumbling relationship? I’d really rather not.

“I can borrow this room for free, whenever it’s available. No worries, miss Owen. Now, should we get started?”

“Um …?” I’d suddenly forgotten why we were here. We were not just two strangers chatting, there was actually a point to all of this.

“Get into the clothes we agreed for you to wear?”

“Oh. Sure. I’ll just be two seconds. I’ll be back.”

“I hope so. It’s a terribly long way down in the elevator if you’re planning to run away from me.” He shot me a wink and I felt my nervousness disappear.

“Not today I’m not.” I said and closed the bathroom door behind me.

 ( ... )

“Um … where is … where should I be?” I had changed into the clothes and was shuffling nervously while Michael had his back turned towards me.

“Just over by the … well, okay, holy ... wow.” He exclaimed as he turned around to see me. I had anticipated some kind of reaction, but not to see his jaw figuratively fall to the floor like that. The black lingerie and stockings were way out of my comfort zone, same as the deep red lipstick I had also applied. I looked great, even I could see that. But I just didn’t look a lot like … me. That was okay, though. To have a guy like Michael almost forgetting his cool professionalism was a feat in itself.

“You look … you look perfect for the shoot.” He managed to collect himself and his face turned back to the focused one I’d learned he had whenever he worked. “Over by the bed’s right poster will be great.”

Beaming with confidence, I went and stood where he’d told me to. I accidentally looked out the window and the height made me cross my arms in front of my chest, as if to protect me from the sight of it.

“You look like you’re on the other side of things from where we want you to be.” He said and smiled as he worked on some settings on the camera.

“Meaning?”

“You look like you’re the one who’s dominating someone else. Not that it doesn’t suit you.” He looked over my body in a not too subtle way, but I figured it had something to do with the artwork he was about to do.

“Oh. Uh … how should I stand? Or sit?”

“Sit. Definitely. In front of the right poster would be great.”

I did as he said but didn’t know how to arrange the legs. This is all so strange to me …

He had finished setting up the camera and went to crouch down in front of me.

“Now. You look perfect, miss Owen, but I’m thinking there’ll have to be a bit of … well, something that relates to the theme we have. Would you be opposed to having your hands tied above you?”

He searched my face for clues and I blushed at the subject we were talking about. Not to mention the close proximity he was sitting in.

“Um … I think I can do it.”

“Very well. I have a prop box with me, let me just find something.”

He stood up again and went back to his stuff before fishing something out of his bags. It was a long piece of black fabric, with small tassels dangling from either side of the end.

He returned to me with the fabric in his hands, and without even thinking I crossed my wrists and lifted my arms as high as I could, bending them backwards until I felt the poster behind me. He shot up an eyebrow with the surprise, but didn’t hesitate in tying my hands to it.

“Too tight? Or?” He asked me, and I shook my head in return. He’d bound it firmly but not too tightly, and my hands were effectively secured to the poster.

“If the building catches fire, you’ll get me out quick, right?” I asked, a sudden nervousness present in my voice. He smirked and looked at me with a comforting look on his face.

“Absolutely, miss Owen. The client’s safety always comes first.”

I smiled although the nervousness was still present. I didn’t mind with him. Somehow, I felt safe around him, much safer than I usually did with men.

“I’ve told you to call me Lucy.”

“That’s right. I’m sorry, miss Owen.” He shot me a wink and went back to the camera.

 “Now. I’m thinking that you decide whichever position works best for you, and I’ll adjust if we need to.”

“Uh, okay. Sure.” I hesitated. I had no idea what would look good on a photograph. The restraints didn’t leave a whole lot of options, but I finally managed to sit in a mermaid-like position, legs gathered to the side and my arms stretched as far as they could.

“Gorgeous.” He looked at me through the camera and adjusted the settings. “Now, set your face.”

“E-excuse me?” I stuttered. I had no idea what he meant.

“Make a face that’ll look good on the piece. Something … enticing.”

The way the word rolled over his lips made me feel goosebumps appearing, but I discarded the sensation and tried to do as he said.

“We there yet?” I spoke while holding the look on my face, moving my mouth as little as possible.

“Hmm. Not entirely, I’m afraid.” His brows furrowed and I was afraid this would go like the first time. That I was going to look terrified. He came back to crouch in front of me and looked at my face, and investigative look on his own.

“If I was … what’s his name again? Your bloke?”

“Jonathan.”

“Right. If I was him, how would you look right now?”

I felt a blush creep across my face. I’d be flustered like all hell, bound and tied up like this -

“Let me rephrase that.” He said, a warm chuckle present in his tone. “If you were used to this, and you were trying to seduce him with the way you looked at him … how would you look?”

I felt my blush getting larger by the second now and felt blissful that the photos would be mostly black and white.

“Uh … I don’t think I can.”

“Take your time.”

I tried to make the right kind of face again, this time while imagining that Michael was Jonathan. They were around the same height, so that helped. Jonathan’s hair was darker, while his eyes were a lighter color of blue. And the way he looked when he was in that mood, was so … hot. I felt myself crossing my legs with the thought of him.

“Perfect. This is perfect.” Click-click-click. “Open your lips a bit more. Like that. Perfect, Miss Owen.”

He took the camera off its tripod and moved closer, every once in a while crouching down and taking a few pictures. At the very end of the shoot, he was almost laying down at the bed’s opposite poster, taking photos from an upwards perspective. I could see the determination and the focus in his eyes and I knew I had hired the perfect person for this. This was, undeniably, a passion of his, and I knew it would be great. In the end. I decided to throw my head back a little and bite my bottom lip at the camera, and he responded by taking a whole series of photos of me. The satisfied look on his face as he removed the camera to take a brief look of the photos made me feel like some sort of goddess-slash-model.

“This is going to be the front of the calendar. It’s beyond good, Miss Owen. This is … well … I believe this will be exactly what you’re looking for.”

The way he focused on the photos, not taking his eyes off them for even a second, suddenly made me feel too self-conscious. I felt it was time to quit for the day.

“Can you untie me, please?”

He was examining the photos for a few seconds before he realized what I’d said, and he jumped through the room to help me.

“I’m sorry, I was … I was working with the pictures in the mind, I hope you don’t find that too strange.” He carefully untied the rope and before I had a chance to do so myself, he had taken my wrists in his hands and begun to massage them gently. It seemed like something he did per automatic instinct, and I tried to hide the expression of surprise I had in my face.

I didn’t mind at all, but the touch he was administering seemed so effortless that I couldn’t help being surprised. It felt like we’d known each other for years, not like we were a very strange form of business partners.

“How do you feel?” He asked as he let go of my wrists. “Are you alright? Any pains or strained limbs at all?”

I shook my head. “All good.”

He smiled back at me and nodded. “Excellent.”

He got up from the floor and began to wrap up the equipment, and I understood that the shoot was coming to an end. Quickly, I put on my regular clothes. For some reason, the height of the building was a bit less daunting than it had been an hour earlier, and I actually managed to look out the window and even enjoy the view.

“How come you can borrow this room for free?�� I suddenly blurted out.

Michael was behind me, going through the camera when I heard him pause.

“The receptionist and I have a special agreement. She lets me borrow this room and gets favors in return.” He spoke in a neutral tone but I sensed something else in it. Love, perhaps? Compassion?

“Favors? Like … free photographs or?” I turned to look at him.

He smiled a sly smile and I felt as if I’d crossed a line. He remained cool, though.

“She enjoys the things I do for her, and I enjoy the free room.” He replied. Suddenly, something in my mind clicked, and my face became one of complete awkwardness. He does … these things … with her.

“I’m so sorry, I’m - I didn’t mean to pry. It’s-”

“It’s alright, Miss Owen. I doubt that it is what you think. But I’d rather not tell you the details. She’s a dear friend of mine.”

“Just a friend?” I cocked an eyebrow at him before I could even stop myself. He looked a bit amused and I was happy I hadn’t insulted him. “Oh. I’m prying again. I’m sorry. This is a strange day, I don’t usually do-”

He chuckled in return as he put on his jacket and camera bag.

“It’s alright. I promise. I know it’s been a weird day.”

“Pretty much. Yeah.” I could feel myself blushing as we walked out the room, locked the door and went towards the elevator to get downstairs.

We went to stand among a few other guests waiting as well, and he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

“So you mean, it’s not every day you let strangers tie you up in hotel rooms?”

I felt the blush from before multiply a thousand times at the thought that the guests overhearing his words. I turned to him and elbowed him in the side, my face rapidly growing redder with the shame. He just chuckled lowly, his eyes sparkling with playfulness.

“I’m going to get you for that.” I hissed as the elevator opened its doors, but the laughter in my voice couldn’t be concealed.

“Oh, I’m shaking with terror, Miss Owen.” He simply said, with a look of mock horror in his face. I burst out laughing loudly enough for the other guests to notice, and I tried to hide it again. As the elevator began to go down, it felt like my fear of heights had vanished completely.

#a new view #fanfiction #fan fiction #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

Thunder #35

Softly, Michael closed the door to the hospital room while silently waving and smiling at my mother and my baby.

“Heeey, my boy.” He said, his voice low as to not awaken me from my sleep, as he reached out for Teddy. Teddy, in turn, giggled and stretched his chubby arms to get over to his father. The sight would have melted my heart, had I been awake. But the exertion and the pain had finally gotten the better of me, and I’d drifted into a heavy and needed sleep.

Michael hugged my mother quickly. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes and she did the same to him.

“How is she?” She asked.

“She’s alright, it seems. She was in a lot of pain during the night, but a nurse came by with something for the pain. It helped, and she fell asleep.” Michael’s brows furrowed for a second, but he quickly managed to conceal it..

“And how are you?” My mother asked. Michael shrugged and smiled meekly. Not even Teddy could help him disguise the pain in his eyes.

“It was tough. Must have been worse for you, though.”

“It was a shock, yes..” She sighed and reached for her grandson once more. “Go home and get some sleep. You’ll come by later?”

He nodded and handed the boy to her. “After my shift.”

My mother nodded at him and hugged him again. Teddy laughed at being squished between them.

“And you, my big boy. See you soon, alright? Be nice to grandma.”

A quick smile more, and Michael was gone. My mother balanced Teddy on her arm and went to open the door to my room. 

( … )

“Miscarriages are often nature’s way to prevent a sick embryo from developing further.”

I had read the pamphlet a hundred times, and each time I’d read this sentence, I’d begun to cry. Again. Luckily, Caitlin and Megan were at the hospital. They had taken Teddy for a ride in the stroller, while my mom and a nurse stayed with me.

“You did not cause the miscarriage, Cassie.” The nurse spoke slowly, carefully enunciating each word, and yet, I was a lost cause.

My baby. My tiny, tiny baby, who had died in my womb without even getting a chance. Whatever chance it had had, I had effectively taken it away from it by drinking and partying and not taking care of myself.. The realization had made me begin wailing, and somehow, I didn’t seem to stop..

“Ssshh, my darling. Easy, my love.” My mother held me in her arms, as my body became limp from crying too much. “Think about Teddy. Okay? Think about him.”

“W-w-w-what about him?” I sniffled. The thought of him made my heart hurt, and I wished I could hold him near.

“He’s still a baby, Cassie. He needs you, all of you, your undivided attention. Think of-”

“IT WAS MY FAULT, I -”

“No. It wasn’t. It wasn’t, darling. Listen to me, alright?”

I wiped away my tears, although I knew there would come new ones.

“Were you aware that you were pregnant, Cassie?” The nurse asked as I was clutching her hand.

“N-n-no. I … I had no idea.” The thought of the night when the baby was made was threatening to make me lose my mind.

“But didn’t you and your boyfriend use protection? There’s always a risk when that’s the case-”

“He’s not my boyfriend. It was a … one time thing.”

“Ah. I see.” The nurse stroked my hand carefully. “I agree with your mother, though.”

“How’s that?” I asked her.

“Your son isn’t very old yet. What is he? Eight, nine months? This way, he’ll have a chance to have your attention all to himself. At least for a bit longer.”

I tried to smile at the nurse through my tears. She looked young, but seemed to know a lot about … life. Maybe she had children of her own. Maybe she knew how terrifying it could be.

“I’m crying, because … because I don’t feel sad all the time as well.” I suddenly confessed to her. “Sometimes I’m relieved. What kind of a terrible mother am I? How can I even feel like this ...” The torn feeling within me started a fresh round of tears, and I felt the nurse and my mother, each clutching a hand and trying to comfort me.

“You’ve been through a lot, my darling. Being a mom can be hard. And when you’re all alone, at that.” My mother said, her soothing voice making me feel a little bit calmer than before. I thought of the day when I’d yelled at Teddy and suddenly, everything seemed to click within me. He needs me. All of me.

My tears subsided and a whole new feeling of calm came over me.

The nurse sensed that her work was done, and she stood up to exit the room.

“He’ll have siblings in the future. If you want him to. Don’t worry, Cassie.” She smiled sweetly at me and I thought of my perpetual singleness. And Michael. I missed him too much and felt like giving up.

“How?”

“The pair of you will decide you’ll make another. That’s usually how these things work.” The nurse teased but kept her face professional.

“We’re not together.”

“Right.” She smiled, nodded at me and left the room. I suddenly felt confused.

( … )

“God. Maybe you can yawn outside of opening hours? Have you gotten coffee yet?”

Yasmin walked past Michael and punched him playfully. If there ever was a man who would be able to sleep in a standing position, today it would have been him.

“Your coffee or normal coffee? Because the normal one doesn’t really cut it.”

“Hm. You bet your pasty Irish ass it doesn’t.” She laughed at him and he began to laugh as well. Thankfully, she wasn’t too upset with his drowsiness. The customers had seen him in much worse conditions before, and at least he seemed happy.

“I’ll make you some in a bit. Got some paperwork to see to, but after that.”

“You should teach me. Now that I’ll be going away and all.” He replied at her. He might be sleepy as all hell, but he hadn’t lost his wit.

“Like hell I’m not. You’ll just open a coffee house in London and make millions of MY special recipe.”

“Yeah, because people will definitely pay millions to suffer OD’s from caffeine. Absolutely. No doubt about it.”

She made a funny face at him before her face turned a bit more serious. They had spent two years here, together, at this pub. Now, everything seemed to be changing.

“You’re really going, aren’t you?” She sat down on one of the stools, facing him.

“Mm-hmm.” His face became serious, but only for a second. “Talked to Nathan today. He was aboard.”

“And your son?”

Both he and Yasmin knew that the question hadn’t a whole lot to do about the boy. Still, Michael looked like a man whose heart had broken a hundred times lately.

“And Cassandra?”

“What about her?” He snapped a bit too harsh at her. He wasn’t good with these things.

“You’ve given up?”

“It’s not like … it’s not like that. There’s nothing to give up on.”

“Oh, don’t give me that. I’ve heard you tell about her. The girls have told me about her. She was pregnant, right? I’m pretty sure that was on you.” She snapped back at him. “As usual.”

He raised his eyebrow in surprise.

“I … I’ve told you nothing about this.”

“How many times did you tell me I was like your long lost twin? Hm?” She smiled and looked at him. He shrugged and tried to hide the sad smile on his face.

“A few times, I guess.”

“Mm-hm.”

“It was just once. She kicked me to the curb and I was out.”

“Just like you did to her.”

“Yeah, rub it in some more, hm?”

“What did you do then?”

“I didn’t do anything. Just like that, I was out. I didn’t even get to see the boy. And she began going out, you saw her there. She’d moved on.”

“Oh, Michael, for fuck’s sake.”

He looked at his friend with a look of complete bewilderment on his face. Yasmin’s choice of wording was surprising, to say the least.

“What?”

“You men know absolutely nothing, do you?”

He looked even more confused by the second now.

“Care to fill me in?”

She sighed at him before replying. “You’re a damn idiot is all. And I’m gonna make that coffee now, if you don’t mind.”

His mind had seemed so set this morning, and he had felt so determined. Now, the inside of him felt like complete chaos.

( … )

December 22nd, 2015

“Ooooooooh, look at the angel, Teddy. Look how it’s sparkling. Isn’t that something? Hmm?”

Teddy had tired eyes, but he still managed to smile and giggle happily as he stretched in an attempt to take the angel from my mother. He couldn’t, but didn’t give up. After a few attempts, he simply crawled over to her to take the angel, and succeeded. He squealed happily with the victory and dangled the angel back and forth.

“It’s quite a tree this year, huh?” I gestured at the overdimensional tree that my mom had managed to put up in the living room. I was wondering if her mystery boyfriend was super buff or if she had done it by sheer will power alone.

“It had to be.” She stated and sent me a smile that was as bright as the Christmas lights. “Everything that’s happened. And Teddy’s first Christmas! I couldn’t stop when I’d first begun. It turned out alright, didn’t it, though?”

I caught the double meaning of her words and nodded as I tried to smile back at her. This year had been crazy for her. Going through the divorce, having her first grandchild, supporting me through thick and thin, falling in love again, my surgery - this year was indeed special. Sadly, I didn’t feel half as happy as I should have been.

“Someone’s getting a wee bit tired, it seems. I think I’ll tuck him in.” My mom had taken him on her arm and moved to stand up. “Are you staying for the night, or? We could catch a Christmas classic. I think National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is on.”

I laughed dryly at her suggestion. “I think I saw that already. Once or twice.”

“Oh really?” My mom teased back at me, and we both laughed.

“I think I’m just gonna go home and read some books. If that’s OK with you. Call me anytime, okay?”

“Sure. We’ll take care of it all. Won’t we, Teddy darling?”

I gave Teddy a kiss and started to walk home.

 Ever since my surgery, people had been around me. It was almost as if they felt bad about not having talked to me sooner. They had no reason to, and I couldn’t understand this sudden outburst of compassion when all I needed was to be alone with my feelings.

Michael, of course, came by a couple of times a week and took Teddy. They went out grocery shopping, back to his place, or simply just walking out and about. Michael spoke neutrally and courteously at me, and I did the same to him. Back at the hospital, we had only seemed to be able to talk whenever Miami Vice was on, and this strange awkwardness had apparently come to stay. I didn’t know if it was this that had caused the strange feeling of emptiness inside of me, all I knew was that I had to get rid of it. It felt like a black hole of despair and hopelessness that was swallowing me from the inside. Even the bright lights and ornaments of my small town couldn’t make me feel happiness. Maybe it was the loss of my baby, maybe it was because I missed going out, maybe it was some deity’s punishment of me because I had hurt so many people and fucked everything up so bad. All I knew was that whatever it was, it was sabotaging any hopes I’d had of reading tonight. As I’d tried reading the 1st chapter of Dan Brown’s “Inferno” for the 7th time, I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen. I stood up, hurried out there and didn’t even look at the display before I pressed the accept button.

 “Cassie here.”

“Hey Cas. It’s me … Michael.”

I could feel my face going into a surprised expression. “Uh … hi?”

“You busy?” He sounded out of breath and kind of hectic.

“Um ... “ I looked at my book and tried to convince myself that it was imperative that I read a few chapters of it. Tonight. Now. Of course, I failed. “Not at the moment.”

“Can you come over and help me with some practical stuff?”

I was beyond intrigued now. What does he need my help with?

“I guess. In an hour or so?”

“Sure. See ya, Cas.”

#thunder #thunder 35 #thunder series #the thunder series #thunderstorm #thunderstorm sequel #michael fassbender fanfiction #michael fassbender fan fiction

[fa-nfiction]

One, don't pick up the phone You know he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone Two, don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three, don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him You ain't getting over him

“New rules”, Dua Lipa

#dua lipa #dua lipa lyrics #new rules #new rules lyrics #so fitting for the thunder series #omg

[fa-nfiction]

@obsessedwithpretty79 Thank you so much for your comment! I'm so happy that you're enjoying it. Yeah, she's a bit of a mess, isn't she?

#thunder #Thunderstorm #the thunder series #thunder series #thunder 33