#look away I'm being parasocial again

[half-doomed]

Shoutout to dallon for being annoying on main about his music taste

#literally he's so me <3 #and a lot of his music suggestions are great #like idk but i think it's really sweet and endearing that he's so enthusiastic about his music taste even tho it comes off as snobby #look away I'm being parasocial again #ANYWAYS the reason for this tangent is because i listened to beck's colors and I'm rly glad i did bc it's such a good album #jaime posts #.txt

[meraki-yao]

Now I'm curious to know all the "candies" between Nick and Tay 👀 lol I don't ship them but I also find it interesting that some fans really ship real people together and gather evidence or proof of it. If its fine with you to share it pls do 🙏 but if not its also fine :)

Huh...

Actually, sure! I kinda wanted to share some of these at times but again I understand that rps is a complicated subject.

A couple of quick prefaces though:

1, If you’re uncomfortable with the subject, again, please don’t read under the post

2, I don’t have all the candies because I really just view them in passing, so I’m just gonna write/translate the ones I’ve seen, remember and find at least a logical speculation

3, I need to reiterate this in case my position in this gets misunderstood: Me writing about “candies” isn’t because these are MY opinion or things *I* found or *I* believe in them being evidence. I am just a translator and messenger.

4, (this one is gonna sound a little academic lol) Two things I realized when thinking about this “candy eating” culture is that Chinese people have a very difference understanding of platonic/romantic affection/relationships with the Western world, and that they look at the candies with rose-tinted glass. Chinese/Asian people are generally a lot less affectionate with their personal relationships, for example friends wouldn’t say “love you” to each other if they’re just friends, nor would they expand their friend group to the others easily or other stuff. And these people who look for candy go into their “investigation” already with the belief that “they are together”, everything remotely resembling a close relationship will automatically be interpreted as romantic. I thought about it a lot, and honestly among the “candies” I’ve seen, most of them are a matter of interpretation: yes those are things couples will do, but it wouldn’t be weird if friends did it too. So they’re not that seriously or up for further speculation. There is I think only one “candy” that I can’t quite say the same, which I will explain and elaborate on in this post. 

5, Please remember that the people who do this do it in good nature: something I didn’t make clear in my post yesterday, which is on me, is that the fans do want them to be together, but they’re not like… yandere level or something. If they’re just friends the fans won’t be upset or betrayed or anything, they just prefer to see them as romantic. They don’t mean any harm, and they don’t cause any harm because China is physically and digitally too far away for them to actually fuck shit up, and they understand the lines of parasocial relationships: those who met with Taylor during his China trip in December know to, and didn’t bring up this in front of him. They know where to draw the line, and whoever doesn’t and starts becoming a problem gets kicked out of the community. This is meant for fun.

6, Ok Future Meraki here, turns out, there’s a lot to translate, a lot more than I anticipated Jesus Christ and I do want to get this post how within today and make it a reasonable length, so I’m just gonna do two events and the one that I mentioned in 4. If yall want a part 2 let me know.

Ok with that being said, the main event under the cut:

In December they made a whole article about “candies” from December, and to quickly summarise (again noted that all of this is speculation, I didn’t and can’t fact check them, and I’m just a translator) (also this ended up way longer than I anticipated so for photo reference if you can please go to the link of the original article):

Academy Gala:

Nick and Taylor both attended the gala: Since the strike ended up to that point, the two times Nick attends a public event, Taylor’s there too (GQ men of the year and Academy Gala), and for both times he’s wearing Cartier’s Tank Must Watch (remember this watch, I’m gonna elaborate on it later because it is the only candy that even I can’t say it’s a matter of interpretation)

In various pictures of the night’s party that other people took, the boys can be seen together in the background

How the photography worked that night was magazine photographers wandered around the venue and randomly found people to take some relatively candid photos: so people who were walking/sitting/in any way sticking together would be photographed together. So best friends and married couples would be photographed together, which is what happened to Meryl Streep, Greta Gerwig, Saoirse Ronan, and Christopher Nolan, Cillian Murphy and their wives. With that logic, Taylor and Nick were caught by the photographer together TWICE, in clearly different places. Later Korean fans (with the same “candy-searching” mindset) read the time on Taylor’s watch in the photos: one was 8:30, one was 9:50. The implication is that they were together for at least that period of time (nearly 1.5 hours)

In both photos of the boys together, Nick’s elbow is…straight up leaning into Taylor's chest. In a photo with Kaia, Nick’s friend and co-star from Bottoms (Brittany), there’s visible space between Nick and Kaia but none between Nick and Taylor (… okay I’m gonna pop in with my own opinion on the latter one real quick: I really think that one is just Nick being a gentleman)  

During that night, Taylor re-posted an Instagram post from July onto Little Red Book: but the things is in the comment section of the original Instagram post, Taylor teasingly pretends to not know Nick; and according to the posting time and the time calculated in 3, Nick would have been watching him post that to Little Red Book.

Nick got a photo with Taylor’s friend Jay Ellis (Jay and Taylor follow each other on Instagram, and Taylor comments under Jay’s post), even though Nick and Jay don’t seem to have any direct connections. Kaia and Taylor started following each other on Instagram after the event.

While other people who got photos with Taylor posted them, in Taylor’s Instagram Post for the night: He only included his photo with Nick, the rest are all solo portraits of himself. Not only that: he edited the background of the photo so it’s just them, and proceeded to put the photo in the middle of the post.

a bunch of Taylor's good friends, including Taylor’s cousin went to like Nick’s post for the academy gala night. Taylor’s sister Ash shared Taylor’s post to her stories: 2 photos of Taylor himself, and the one photo of Taylor and Nick. Taylor mentioned in a past interview if he had any emotional or relationship (I don’t know which one is the right translation, the original wording is 感情) issues, he would talk to Ash. (please note that I didn’t not and don’t know how to fact-check any of the things mentioned above except for Ash’s Instagram)

Conclusion/ Speculation (okay the academy gala part alone took me 40 minutes what the fuck): I cannot reiterate this enough: THIS IS JUST SPECULATION DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY but under the assumption that Taylor and Nick are a thing, the serious of shenanigans that happened that night, especially with the family and friends stuff in 6,7,8, was interpreted as they announcing it to their personal social circle. AGAIN THIS IS SPECUALTION DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOSULY 

Taylor’s China Trip

On 7th December, Taylor had a photo shoot at the GQ gala venue, but spent the rest of the afternoon taking photos and signing things for fans. Among those, one was the photo of him and Nick from the academy gala just three days ago. He was visibly extra happy and showed off the photo to the crowd, unlike the other photos which he simply gets it, signs it, and then gives it back.

This day was also the start of “Taylor giving Nick/Henry a moustache”: throughout the trip, he drew on four photos of the two of them

(This one is a … really big stretch) among the four, one of them was the GQ magazine shoot, and he first drew the moustache on Nick’s face, giggling “I’ll sign on Nick’s face”, signed his own signature, then just when he was about to give the magazine back he suddenly changed his mind and said “wait wait I wanna do something on my face”, and then drew a crown on his head while muttering “crown prince”. And the thing is… historically, George Villers had a moustache. And then he drew a moustache on Nick and a crown on himself. Also, one of the most popular Chinese RWRB fic on AO3 is called “The King’s Palace”, and the premise is putting Henry in George place as the social climber and the Duke of Buckingham (it is literally George’s character with blonde hair and a different name), and Alex as the crown prince who ascended to the throne and is also utterly infatuated with Henry. So… yeah.

When he drew the fourth photo, which was the piano scene, the fan who asked said “Oh you’re so nice to Nick!” and according to their description (there’s no video), Taylor blushed a little and said “yeaahhhhh” with a big grin

While Taylor was in China people were stirring shit up on Twitter about him, and during the Twitter drama, Nick liked Taylor’s Academy Gala post.

The boys liked the same video on Instagram but from different accounts (a video about a pony in the snow)

During the trip, Taylor was seen wearing a white button-up with blue stripes. Nick has been seen wearing a shirt that looks identical before.

Cartier Watch (aka the one that makes me do a double take)

Taylor used to wear a lot of Cartier watches until he started wearing Tagheuer last July due to a commercial partnership

Nick likes wearing Omega watches. In fact, Henry’s watch in the movie is Nick’s own omega watch. He also has a commercial partnership with Omega.

But then starting last year, both of them were seen wearing matching Cartier’s Tank Must Watches (the silver on with a black surface and a sapphire crown): Taylor can be seen wearing it in the 5th photos of his September post, while Nick can be seen wearing it during the GQ gala, the Academy Gala, in Milan during fan interactions, and last weekend in his TIOY co-star’s Instagram story.

And the thing about this watch is (and here is where I need to reiterate that I’m just translating, I didn’t fact check this) 1, watch is a typical thing to give a lover, and you must be familiar with their wrist size 2, Cartier is a pretty romantic brand 3, the price of this watch is closer to what Taylor’s used to wearing but much cheaper than Omega 4, This specific watch is a popular watch to give a partner/lover, 5, David and Victoria Beckham’s relationship was discovered because paparazzi saw the Cartier watch he gave her and connected dots together

Jesus Christ at this point I should consider getting a part time job in translation

This was fun but this took me so much time, it’s ~2000 words long

Again, all of this was found and speculate for fun, and mean no ill will, and haven’t, and won’t harm the boys, please understand that and don’t take this took seriously. If you find this interesting and want a part two, let me know.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #alex claremont diaz #henry hanover stuart fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #firstprince #taynick #meraki essay #meraki translates #i genuinely like doing this but they tend to take so much energy out of me #it's fucking 1 30 AM i need to go to sleep #Anon ask #Answered

[pabloqavi]

illicit affairs

summary. you and gavi have been dating for five months now but no one knows about your secret relationship until the team catches you ! genre. fluff ! pairing. gavi x reader ! a/n. this is my first short story so please bear with me, i'm also spanish so i'm sorry if there's any mistakes !! ++ wanted to clarify that yes the song is called after the song from taylor swift but there will be no cheating involved

"pablo stop we need to get going soon" you told your boyfriend, trying to push his face away.

"but yn just one more kiss" he pouted while spreading kisses all over your face "need to get enough of them before i go a whole day without them" he said making you giggle before you give in and kiss him

pablo and you have been dating for five months now but no one knew about your relationship since you wanted to keep it private and not have people meddling on it. this obviously included your friends, who were the biggest gossipers known to earth and you wouldn't put it past them to let it slip at any time.

today you were gonna spend a day out with your friends at the beach, taking advantage of the day off the boys had.

"i love you but if we don't start getting ready we are gonna be late again" you told pablo while caressing his face, giving him one last kiss before getting up.

"fine" he kissed your cheek while rushing upstairs to change into his swimsuit. both of you were at your house, which lately had become pablo's as well, to the point he had clothes all over your closet.

one you both got ready you grabbed your car keys and left for the beach. it wasn't a rare occurrence to see you driving pablo everywhere since despite being now 18 he didn't have his license yet.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"gavi, yn we are over here" you hear as soon as you get out of the car. seeing pedri waving you over to the little corner of the beach where all your friends are.

once you dropped your stuff and force pablo to let you apply sunscreen on him so he doesn't get sunburned, you run to the water where all your friends are already playing.

"guys we are getting out" sira tells the boys as you head to the towels. seeing the boys follow you out of the water and take out a ball and start doing passes.

after a few hours playing in the sun, the boys start getting hungry and want to head to a restaurant to eat something.

pedri is the first to head towards where you and the girls are talking trying to find a phone to see what time it was. grabbing the first one he sees he turns it on to see the time.

"oh my god" you suddenly hear him yell while covering his mouth with one hand "when did this happen? since when? what? how?" he starts rambling talking to himself.

"what happened?" ansu asks him with all the boys now coming over.

"gavi and yn are dating" he yells turning the phone so all the guys could see pablo's lockscreen, which was a photo of the both of you kissing. suddenly you feel your cheeks heating up and let out a quiet giggle while all the boys look accusatorially to pablo.

"why didn't we know? how long have you even been dating?" ferran asks

"a little over 5 months" pablo replies sheepishly "and we didn't tell you because we wanted to be private and no offense but you aren't the best secret keepers" you tell them making them all scoff in fake annoyance.

yourusername

favourite place with my favourite person 🤍

pablogavi love you more than anything 🤍

yourusername love you more

pedri I CANT BELIEVE WE DIDNT SEE THIS COMING

yourusername can't lie it's embarrassing

ansufati thinking back they made it too obvious 😭

ilovegavi6 WHAT IS HAPPENING ?#!#!

30gavi6 another parasocial relationship ended😭😭

#pablo gavi #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi x y/n #gavi #gavi oneshots #football imagines #football x reader #gavi x reader #gavi imagines #gavi blurb #pablo gavi imagines #pablo martín páez gavira #gavi fluff #fc barcelona #@pabloqavi

[snitchesnsneeds]

First Half of Miraculous Season 2 Done. Here's my thoughts:

The Collector: A pretty good start! They made the teens smart while still being dumb teens!

Despair Bear: Chloe needs a therapist, arguably moreso than a redemption arc and especially a downward villainous spiral. Also Dangit Grandpa

Prime Queen: Wow, this was a lot more chill than expected. Even Cat Noir was left aghast at what Nadja was doing, Nadja seemed to be pressuring Ladybug and Cat Noir more for views than anything else, and I'm not entirely sure Akuma personalities can be trusted.

Befana: Fun fact: This was the episode that got me into Miraculous in the first place because of how shocking it was. And then I discovered even more. In hindsight from watching the other episodes, it was relatively darker, but mostly because it's Marinette's friends and family that are getting G-rated killed instead of random civilians like every other episode.

Riposte: Kagami is here! I don't see too much chemistry with her and Adrien yet, but she's cool and I like her and feel like I could be friends in real life. Also this feels like a relatively uncommon trope, but I wish "X is blatantly a woman but no one notices" was spedran through by someone with brains.

Robustus: Pretty good, all things considered. From what I've heard about Miraculous lore, creating sapient or at the very least semi-sapient AI isn't that uncommon for weirdness hotspots, and I'm putting Max in the list of characters I think should have figured out Ladybug and Cat Noir's identity. (There's four now!)

Gigantitan: It turns out my favorite parts of Miraculous are the slice-of-life bits instead of the superhero bits the show is about! We got to see more of Marinette's friends! Alix! Mylene! Julie! The Eeby Deeby herself! Also it was really sweet to see Adrien's bodyguard calm down just by looking at the kid. Adrien's true daddy.

Dark Owl: No wonder these two aren't allowed to know eachothers' identities, considering how much of a loose tongue Marinette has!

Glaciator: Alright, it's finally time to talk about the sins of Marinette and Cat Noir, considering the fan content I osmosed before watching the series was heavy salt stuff, and I wanna see how much it holds up. So far Cat Noir has acted as if he's already dating Ladybug previously, and in this episode he got mad at Ladybug for not showing up at a date when she herself said she might not come due to having other plans. Isn't he supposed to be used to not-showing-up disappointment as Adrien due to his dad? Is it different because he's Cat Noir? Is this a breaking point? No matter, he eventually calms down and is ultimately the less bad member of the relationship. Marinette, meanwhile, doesn't have as many misdemeanors to her name but they're a lot worse. She stole Adrien's phone to get rid of an embarrassing message and got away with it too, what the hell, and also owns the schedule. Although I don't believe she stalked Adrien and made it herself due to how busy she is as both Marinette and Ladybug, that's just weird and wrong. I'm reluctant to call her a stalker, but her actions are still wrong. Ultimately, this relationship is going to need a lot of therapy and counseling to not crash and burn. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. The ice cream episode. I think the ice cream guy can be wrong and he doesn't understand that.

Sapotis: Silly little fun episode, also it introduces the first new Miraculous holder! I'm honestly fine with it so far if it means more screentime for side characters. I honestly really like seeing Marinette's classmates. They're neat. Also I was this close to putting Alya on the list but she proves time and time again that she doesn't actually know Ladybug's identity.

Gorizilla: In this episode we are introduced to Adrien's deranged parasocial fanbase. I'm starting to understand some of his father's decisions at this point. This is what I was talking about with the schedule, by the way. These obsessive stalker creeps make Marinette look reasonable, and I wouldn't be surprised if the one guy who I'm pretty sure becomes Party Crasher discreetly stalked Adrien to get his schedule. Restraining orders need to be filed.

Captain Hardrock: One of the funniest episodes, up there with Dark Cupid. Also Luka is here! And he already has great chemistry with Marinette! And more Rosie and Julie content even if it's crumbs!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #ml salt #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #nadja chamack #kagami tsurugi #max kante #alix kubdel #mylene haprele #juleka couffaine #rose lavillant #alya cesaire #luka couffaine #lukanette

[berzatto-and-you]

The first time you see Carmy, you don't think much about him. Sure, he's attractive but it's late and you're on your way home from work. By the looks of it, so is he, hands stuffed in the pockets of a rather enviable coat, chin tucked into the zipped closed neck. He seems half asleep but shuffles off after only a couple of stops.

While you're not quite a creature of habit, you find that this guy is. He gets on the fourth carriage of the one before last train. Some nights you see him one carriage over, staring blankly at a point on the floor. It's a comfort even if you never talk, he probably isn't aware of your existence.

Which is why you find yourself catching the penultimate train home, taking the fourth carriage more often than not. Sure, sometimes you could catch the earlier train but cute and curly is never on that one. It's that parasocial familiarity that has you watching as his head falls forward, sleep actually dragging him under just as his regular stop pulls up. After only a moment's debate, you get up and tap his shoulder.

"Don't miss your stop."

He shoots awake with a slight snort and just about manages to stumble off the train before the doors close. As you sit back down, you see him staring at you through the door, blue eyes wide and confused.

Not thinking much about it, you continue as before. It's a couple of days before you see him again. It's only as he's about to step off that he turns and looks at you.

"You like doughnuts?"

"Who doesn't?"

He's off the train and the doors close before you realise what you'd said and groan. At least he's not staring at you, not even a glance over his shoulder.

The next night you're on the train and, at his regular stop, he gets on too. This time he looks right at you and your stomach does a curious flip. A box is thrust rather unceremoniously at you.

"For the other night. You know, as thanks." He's rubbing his eyebrow and, against your better judgement, you take the box. Flipping it open, you wonder whether you should be accepting a doughnut from a stranger. But you're starving and it looks like a damn good doughnut. After a moment's hesitation you pick it up and take a nibble. It is so good that you could weep. All caution thrown to the wind, you make short work of the sweet, delicious ball of dough. Only once it's gone and your fingers are licked clean do you look up and are, once again mortified because you're being watched with curiosity and admiration.

"That was fucking amazing," you say with a shrug. "Thank you, Mr. Magic."

A soft laugh is drawn from the guy at that and he shakes his head, finally looking away.

"Thanks for not letting me miss my stop."

"If I get a doughnut for it, I should do it more often." You can't help the grin tugging at his lips. "So, who are you, anyway?"

With his stop approaching, the man stood in front of the door. "I'm Carmy. You?"

Your answer is lost in the sound of the doors closing. But Carmy seems to smile all the same and nods at the awkward little wave you send him. Something tells you that the journey home from now on will be a little less lonely most nights.

#carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy x you #carmen berzatto x you #reader insert

[gamora-borealis]

long rambling essay under the read more about twt phannie discourse / discourse surrounding how people talk about dnp's relationship because I have thoughts I want to get off my chest:

ohh I am so glad I am using twitter less the twt phannies are having discourse again about if you are allowed to think dan and phil act cute together (which yeah most people assume it's in a coupley way but if on the off chance they're actually not a couple then they are still cute and gay besties??? literally doesn't change much???) or that it's bad to wonder if they are soft launching their relationship because of stuff they have said that implies it? like obviously don't tag them in stuff and I get being nervous that they will get recommended stuff on twitter but like, if you keep it to tumblr or discord or your small or private twitter then whatever I don't think it's that big of a deal. they didn't like the speculation when they were in the closet because it became such a huge focus that people were messaging them about it, violating their privacy, other YouTubers were making fun of them or trying to expose them, it was putting a lot of pressure on them to come out, etc (which I think that is what Dan was addressing in BIG and people misunderstand that part because what he said was a little bit clunky in terms of how he organized it because it was hard to talk about!) but I don't think they care if people in fan spaces have opinions on what their relationship is a long as we respect their right to talk about that kind of stuff on their own terms. like the way I view it is like if you had some friends that you thought were maybe dating or flirting and then were like "aw yeah they're cute" or "hmm I wonder if they're..." to your other friends. like I don't think it's cool to say it to the people in question's faces if they haven't openly talked about it yet but I don't think it's bad to wonder based on things you have observed??? idk personally I'm always noticing details and analyzing things because my personality is just like that and sometimes I like to talk about it, not in a spreading gossip way but like an, "in confidence" kind of way to get a second opinion out of curiosity. and like ultimately your want should be for people to be happy and they are the only ones who can decide what kind of relationship/s make them happy and you can respect that while wondering or having an opinion that you don't announce to them (and like, dnp tend to understand that indirects / tumblr / etc are meant for other fans and not them and that if they go looking through tags and stuff that they are going to potentially see these opinions or observations).

also like, I think they really don't care as much now that they are out because the pressure / fear has gone away and now they make jokes about it and call themselves phan and make fun of phannies lol. I think part of the reason that so many people are drawn to their relationship in the first place too is because they are these funny relatable (neurodivergent?) queer parasocial figures in what appears to be a strong / supportive relationship, whether they are together or are queer exes who are still besties and/or queerplatonic and roommates. like we love to see them being themselves / being queer together, whatever that means for them!!! because they've even acknowledged that before they were out they were still queer representation in the sense that a lot of times they subverted society's expectations of masculine friendships in their videos just by being themselves.

also dnp have been very loud about certain things lately I don't think it's weird to be like... are they going to finally reveal something because their behavior lately has been kinda wild! (although maybe they won't because they don't want the general public / locals / news attention about it that might actually be more annoying than the standard/familiar attention from a lot of their fandom and like that's completely fine too).

Idk there is just this weird virtue signaling on twitter that is very annoying to me. like personally I am like yeah a lot of stuff points to them being in a romantic relationship but I could be wrong and either way I really love them and the relationship that they do have and show us on camera. but one doesn't have to qualify with that every time when saying "aw they are cute!" or making an observation about something on your own blog or small account...

honestly if what comes off as virtue signaling to me is actually coming from a place of care, I do respect that... I just also think that some people go out of their way to police or denounce behavior because they are afraid of being identified with people who were actually harmful to dnp when I don't think the behavior they are being mad at in this instance is actually harmful and more so just a natural side effect of being parasocially invested in these two queer guys who have spent most of fourteen years together and have confirmed that their relationship has been "more than just romantic."

#dan and phil #dnp #phan #<- for the fandometrics <3

[dokukoi]

In relation to the ask game answer, could I get a lore dump on you and Ren? I won't deny, radio dj falling in love with thier kidnapper is a concept that's got got me hooked!

Don't feel pressured to answer and only include what you want to, I'm just super curious about that now :3

-@woof-ships

omg yay!!! thank you im so happy you like my silly self-ships to know more about them 🤭🤭🤭

it's based off of my own experiences being a radio dj and i wanted to have my own storyline that parallels btd2 canon but is more self-indulgent :D hopefully this makes sense (and is not ridiculously long) bc ive never written it down before dkakfjak

under the cut because i failed at keeping it short lmao

so, while trying to make friends by surfing gore and snuff forums, ren stumbled upon noe's late-night show (10PM - 4AM). it's an international block, focusing on rock and metal from different countries. much to ren's delight, there's also a vkei, jrock, and jmetal showcase hour. after a few days of listening to the show, listening to the DJ during their voice breaks—ren's heart races. they have so much in common, they sound so kind... they're the friend ren has been looking for! so, he finally decides to call in a request.

noe is delighted, obviously—not many people call in to radio shows, let alone late-night ones anymore! they're even more delighted when ren becomes a regular caller. there's only so much you can do to occupy yourself when you're stuck in the studio for six hours. noe is more than happy to chat away!

while it starts off as short conversations, about the music, the bands... ren quickly pushes the conversations to be longer, more personal. nothing too invasive, yet. it's basically having a pen-pal... right? noe is just happy to have some company and willing to overlook some of the more prodding questions.

meanwhile, ren is becoming increasingly parasocial. he anxiously waits for 10PM and if there's a minute delay to hearing their voice, he gets nervous. he dreads 4AM, the radio cut off. in the rare case someone else calls in—he gets irritated. why do they need to talk to someone that's not him? to ren, noe is already their best friend, their partner, since the lines are so blurred for him.

he needs to be closer to them. he needs to see them, to touch them... after weeks of asking, begging, pleading noe for him to be a guest co-host for one night, noe agrees. they've been talking to him for a few months... he seems nice enough. he's just passionate about the same kind of music they are! nothing would go wrong, would it?

yeah... while the radio station is struggling to find someone to fill their slot, ren has his very own best friend/partner/plaything now! complete with a shock collar and a cute lil ankle shackle. aren't they such nice gifts?!

after this, it loosely follows the routes in the game

ren's lovebombing and sadism quickly breaks noe in—especially after ren breaks down after almost permanently breaking them. he really, really just wants a friend—this is the only way that he knows how to treat friends, to have fun with them.

he just doesn't want to lose his best friend after he just found them. ren quickly shifts to just... trying to have a normal relationship with noe. well, what he perceives as a normal relationship sans the brutality. he just wants to love and be loved!

to help noe have some sort of semblance of normalcy again, he makes a home-made radio transmitter. they host a small radio show together every week. slowly but surely, noe warms up to ren and his affections now that ren is no longer 'playing' with them.

their laugh on the radio waves sounds just like when he first met them now. to anyone listening, they just seem like a couple head over heels for each other. not a captive and their captor.

i haven't decided how lawrence fits into this, or if ren becomes fox/the announcer in this storyline (im leaning towards fox being an au)

i hope this made some sense?? im not the strongest writer! thank you so much for asking though woof 😭🫶

#woof ships #🐇🦊 #🪩 you've got mail! #🪩 noe writes #kinda?

[waybeforeyourtime]

i agree with much of what u said that people need to have boundaries etc but comparing a legitimate stalker who is a very extreme case that required police involvement to fans saying that a celebrity gives them a reason to stay alive is honestly pretty messed up. I get ur point that it may be a lot of pressure to SOME celebrities But other celebrities have shared that it makes everything they do worth it to know that it gives someone hope and something to look forward to in a really dark world. Especially for queer youth many of which really struggle with their mental health the portrayal in young royals and also omar and edvin being vocal in their support really does mean a lot to them as it does to many of us who are not even teens anymore. So your judgement and telling people to seek mental help is honestly quite insensitive. I do agree with you about people harassing celebrities and not respecting celebrities but you also made a lot of assumptions and a lot of judgements toward people who are really struggling linking them to someone committing multiple crimes that is a bit unfair. I wasnt going to say anything but it has really been bothering me as someone who works with queer youth.

I didn't compare what happened to Bradley. I used that as a jumping-off point to explain why you shouldn't judge anyone for stepping away from socmed.

Read it again.

And you contradicted yourself. You say these fans who have unhealthy parasocial relationships with these actors have mental health issues and then say I'm insensitive for saying they need to seek mental health help.

"I wasnt going to say anything but it has really been bothering me as someone who works with queer youth."

Listen, credentials on the internet mean zero. You could be lying. So.... and I was a queer youth. I also worked with queer youths. And, imo, they need to start hearing these things from adults. They're isolating themselves in echo chambers of online fandom culture, and they are being raised to believe they can dump all of their problems on another unwilling person.

They can 100% love their fav, bestie, mother, father, or whatever they want to call people. But they have to learn to understand that the relationship is one-sided. That their fav owes them nothing. That their fav exists as a human being outside of being their fav.

"I get ur point that it may be a lot of pressure to SOME celebrities But other celebrities have shared that it makes everything they do worth it to know that it gives someone hope and something to look forward to in a really dark world."

Yes I'm sure being asked 'what size is your penis' really gives someone hope in a dark world. Or being harrassed to come out publically. Or having your bf receive threats online. Or having fans invade a restaurant that you're at with friends. Or having a fan from another country happen to just show up at your local market.

That's just some of what has happened in YR. If a fan isn't part of harassing people online or making them feel uncomfortable*, then my post wasn't about them. And, if they are, then I stand by my statement that they need to look at their behaviors online.

* Edvin asked people not to comment about his physical appearance, and it never stopped. If you think the people talking about that toxic behavior are the problem, then you are part of the problem.

Also, those SOME celebrities who say they really enjoy socmed will usually always add something like, "the majority of fans are cool BUT..." And I could give you several examples of those who have said that and then eventually went off socmed, driven off by fans.

#young royals #young royals fandom

[heybaetae]

There were a few parasocial relationship discussions in the past week on reddit and someone brought up Jungkook almost every time as someone who leans more into the parasocial relationship with his fans - or enables it, I'm not sure how to word it properly. And it made me a little confused because to me, it doesn't seem like he does it? Or maybe I'm not that delulu to think that what he's doing Is indeed parasocial sometimes, or I don't fully understand what counts as parasocial with an idol. So I wanted to ask: do you think that he's leaning a bit into it?

If I remember correctly they brought up him calling the fans as his girlfriend(s) - I honestly just took that as a joke but Idk? - and him folding his underwear on camera - again very confusing to me because why is that parasocial? - and him sleeping on camera - well okay I can see why This counts as parasocial, but the others?

Sure, compared to idols who only do the necessary fanservice and rarely interact with fans he really does a lot more, like he had a million lives this year alone and he shared his recipes with us and gifted songs and etc. but I still don't know. Is it really more parasocial than it should be and I'm just simply not noticing it? 😅

i think his dynamic with the fandom is appropriately parasocial enough without it becoming overly codependent even though some would probably argue that it might feel that way from time to time. he's expressed that the fandom can't be excluded from his life and i believe he really feels that way since ARMY have been a constant in his life for a decade from such a young age and that's a big factor into why it's so strongly important to him.

i think he leaned into it way more than ever this year on purpose because he knew there'd be a temporary pause eventually and he wanted to make the most of his spare time with us in a less stress-inducing way while being in full control of it. consider how rare that's been in his long career, everything from your fanmeets/concerts to your scheduled livestreams at the company building being orchestrated and planned out for you. him deciding to say "fuck it i wanna chat with fans whenever i feel like it" and kickstarting the habit of going live from home without telling anyone at work first and letting it become a regular thing was a conscious decision he likely put thought into after he got away with it the first couple times. i'm not implying he didn't have control of that before, but there was always an obvious protocol to follow for safety reasons, which is understandable, but he wanted to take the risk and so he did. other members would later follow that example too.

i think sometimes people misunderstood him or purposely misconstrued his words on those lives, especially his jokes or his way of expressing his thoughts/feelings to fit their own narrative or image of him. people want him to fit the mold they've created in their heads of him, so no matter how often he came live and was vulnerable and honest with us, people still looked for ways and reasons to dictate what he did, how he felt, how he meant something differently from what he said when he couldn't have been more clear, etc.

i can't make you see something differently from how you already do. i don't love the term "delulu" in this sort of context because like you said, a lot of the normal things he let us see on his lives were normal every-day chores and not everyone is going to consider it very parasocial to have seen it, but how often do you hear of idols letting their fans in that much? hardly ever. it was fun for both parties because it was unexpected and sometimes spontaneous (like sleeping/cooking/exercising) and he felt comfortable enough to do certain things with an audience. we're talking about someone who'd been mostly ghost online for like two years. someone who has a history of being very shy. it meant a lot to fans to see him come out of his shell and grow even more comfortable with us, even if it sometimes put him in some unsafe situations because unfortunately, there are some really scary people out there. idk where the parasocial quota is, so i can't say what it "should be" but i can tell you i've never seen any famous person engage with their fans in as pure of a way as he did this year.

#ask

[jasaginae0]

I feel like Rabbit Hole is about a prostitute who is sick of her job and the men she screws.

The men that hire her to (you know what) all believe they are special to her, that they are different from her clients. So they keep hiring her again and again, they are all lonely and pathetic men who do not care who satisfy them they just want someone with them to make them feel special.

If we look at the translated English line, "When you're lonely anyone will do" or "When you're lonely, find anybody find anybody" or "If you feel lonely, it doesn't matter who you are, it's fine as long as you fill it up".

These men believe they are special to her, when in reality, they are just lonely men who fill her wallet. They don't care that they have to pay for her to screw them. All they care about is that she's screwing them in the first place.

The girl is sick of it, she is sick of them.

"It's not like you're super-duper special"

She hates the parasocial relationship the men has developed with her.

"Hop, step, GRRR, ugh, one more chance!"

The men see the apathy the girl is feeling towards them, so the men try again and again to make her feel what they feel about her. They hire her again and again to make her feel special back and pursue a relationship, but they fail every time, and she walks out even more annoyed with them than before.

"It's out of place, put away your jealousy"

The men are beginning to become jealous of the fact they are not the only man she has screwed. She's annoyed and wants to tell them that their jealousy is out of place and is stupid, it's her JOB to screw men like them, so why are they mad at her other clients for being the reason she can pay for her wants and needs. Yet she doesn't in fear this will risk her her position.

"So why don't you kiss up and shake your cotton tail?"

The men are beginning to question why the girl feels such apathy to them and isn't doing the stuff she does with them willingly. Why does she require money to do this stuff with them? Why can't she just do this ONE thing for them for free this one time? Doesn't she like them?

"Fell in love with a man and felt like dyin', so I'm just smashin' over here"

The girl states that she has been hurt by love in the past, it was the worst feeling she had felt in her life and she refuses to fall in love again and be hurt again. So she carelessly becomes a prostitute to pass the time without a single thought of commitment, at least that's what she thought would happen...

My theory is that, she dated/married a guy she was financially dependent on (Who was possible abusive as well). But when he left her, she had nothing and lived in poverty. Which resulted in her becoming a sex worker. Not caring about if this will result in her chances in getting a new spouse decreasing.

I am not trying to support sex work. This is simply an interpretation on my part. You can make a story based on this analysis. Just credit me.

#song analysis #song interpretation #rabbit hole deco*27 #vocaloid #my thoughts

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Haha I'll try but it's very hard to know how idols feel about the parasocial relationship. I'll give my thoughts in the context of Chan and what I personally notice and theorise about him and how that might link to parasocial fan relationships. However, very important, I don't have his bubble so I don't know what is and isn't typical of him in those messages.

1. Validation and ego boost. Without getting too deep into this it's pretty straightforward. There's no person that doesn't have at least some measure of insecurity, be it about their character or appearance, and Chan is no exception. In his case it's probably more intense if anything. Chan in general to me feels like a deeply insecure person in some aspects and the validation can be downright addictive.

2. Drama. Chan also feels like to me like he is massively restrained and repressed. I mean have you listened to him try to finish a sentence in English without censoring himself, repeating himself or just trailing off, scratching his neck and looking away?? Yeah, I know. It's bloody hard for the man. He represses emotions, sexual thoughts (but still wrote Red Lights, the fucker), language - he's a ticking time bomb of unreleased emotions and tickling the fans just a little bit can feel like fireworks as they burst out with the same emotions he's trying to keep in check. He's probably vicariously revelling in the drama, and also getting massive validation that it is HE that caused it, it's HIM that fans are willing to drop panties for.

3. Praise kink. I mean it just kind of leads us down this road right? His messages were about hard work and about his body specifically. If he didn't want attention on that he just wouldn't have brought up that topic at all. As I said i don't have his bubble but those messages felt very bold to me, very slutty haha. It could definitely be a way to bait and indulge a raging praise kink and then he can use it to superimpose into his sex life if he has one or into his fantasies.

All of these potential things can be really powerful and despite dealing with so much bullshit from fans, i could see it dragging Chan back in to milk the parasocial relationship pretty hard.

Is this one of my coolest tumblr moots coming into my ask box to create more intellectual conversations about kpop and life?

Yes, it is!

Hi @muselin

Again, amazing insight and conversation starter as always.

I want to disagree with you on some stuff but you come in here and spill facts with every conversation so I just can't....I agree with all of what you say...yet again.

I personally feel the validation and ego boost is universal with idols who push the parasocial relationship HARD on their fans. Obviously, I'm not going to say this is certain with Bang Chan but intuitively, Chan seems to have a lot of hidden, repressed insecurities regarding his value in his masculinity.

I am very certain that he probably has an anxious-attachment style because he himself has said that he struggles with asserting personal boundaries.

Soo..if I was going to be really deep, I am inclined to push the paper further and say he genuinely relies on others in order for him to feel okay within himself.

And this is why as much as I simp over Bang Chan, I do include the red flags and...

of course, I'm not accusing Bang Chan of being like this, this is just a thought.

but he could be the type of boyfriend that relies on your external validation to make him feel accepted internally.

and that is just so much pressure oml.

[noibles]

To get a bit personal for a moment (please ignore all the other times I get personal). When the Dream Situation first got serious, when we really started taking the allegations seriously, I was in the boat of leaving dtblr/mcyt for good. I thought that no matter what happened, Minecraft and other other CCs were tainted for me by association. And I think, for many people, they still are. It really depends on the person how much they can process, distance, etc.

I was upset. I was angry. I was feeling robbed, and tainted, of things that brought me joy being suddenly taken from me and my perceptions shattered. Of allowing myself to become so invested, when in the past I have been so critical of such parasocialism. And honestly, I still am on some level - many of my posts have been emotive and reactionary, and later when I take a step back I am able to look at myself and go 'oh'. I'm still grieving, in many ways. As are most of us, I think.

This is why I stand by understanding people being upset, unable to trust Dream or even his fans, unable to trust themselves... and about needing to leave. I may not agree with some takes, and there's some things I will be vocally critical of because there has been a disproportionate amount of moral policing, scaremongering and misinfo in this aftermath. Not to mention the behaviour around the Technoblade memorial which, yes, still pisses me off. But I also want to make clear: If you need to leave, I will miss you. I already do, especially the ones I had to let go because I can't allow too much negativity or I myself will fall into a spiral of obsessive hate. Because I am mourning as well. And if you ever feel comfortable enough to come back, I would welcome you. I spiral, too. I was unhappy, too. With the situation, and myself. You're not alone, even if we end up on different paths.

And honestly? I think I was lucky in that after the first 24-48hrs of the fallout, of losing so much of dtblr and our shared interests, I was able to find people who helped give me a reality check. In no small part because I was forced to be away from my computer as well so I was MADE to step away rather than doomscroll. They also were still blogging about other CCs, and I realised, actually, I still enjoy them. I still love this content. No matter what, they don't have anything to do with this specific situation. I just, as always, need to keep in mind how careful one must be with parasociality. And now I'm happily mcyt blogging again - and it's been CATHARTIC.

Because with all my emotional turmoil, I'll admit I have thought: Wouldn't it be amazing to be a Dream stan again out of spite? Just think about it. Consider it.

And boy am I tempted.

But no. Not right now, not with things the way they are. I cannot compromise my morals like that. What I CAN do is funnel that spite into CCs that absolutely still deserve my love and appreciation, rediscover streamers and creators I originally enjoyed when I got into mcyt too (hi Technoblade and Wilbur). As long as I reality check myself about it consistently. And that's all it is.

#noi.lbs #dreamwastaken #cw discourse #but only somewhat #long post sorry folks

[lindszeppelin]

okay so yesterday the twitter hive got into a frenzy over V posting *checks notes* ...for posting.... *double checks notes from confusion* .....darla the dog that Austin left with her when he went to go film for Elvis.

no but fr they're heated over it. they are also assuming she was shading him with a post she reposted to her story about not giving things energy but like..that literally could be nothing but a regular post. ppl were saying things like "she never deserved him" and just really being whiny little bitches about it. personally, i don't really like V but saying something like that about a relationship you weren't in and know actually nothing about is wild, no!? it's giving unhealthy levels of parasocial relationship. they don't even like her— how did anyone see her STORY? when i thought to try and offer a different perspective i just figured it was for nought bc it doesn't seem like any of them would listen to reason. i don't give a shit she still has the dog...clearly he doesn't care. shouldn't they be more mad at that then anything? "it was his MOTHERS dog!!1!!11" yeah and they were together for a decade, i'm sure he just thinks Darla was in better hands with V🤷🏽‍♀️, especially once he started doing the press tour/award campaign run for Elvis–he was barely home ever! i don't get the anger, it's petty and misplaced and immature and (maybe even naive?) to think she's(V) evil or some sort of horrible person for this one act. let me reiterate: they were together for a decade!!! im sure after his mother passed they took care of the dog together for the majority of their relationship so in my eyes, Darla is as every bit Austin's as she is V's.

and it's very obvious they are ASSUMING she was shading him rather than idk looking the other way(or never looking in her direction in the first place bc they do not like her anyway so why disrupt your own peace and happiness for THIS?) and pretending like she doesn't exist. or simply being levelheaded and logically thinking. i have to routinely pull myself back farther away from fandoms in general bc honestly i've never really been too deep into them for this exact reason— ppl just get a tad bit too creepy and weird for me. and this moment is making me wanna leave entirely..it's almost making want to like her again too out of spite for those ppl(almost, babes, almost lmao). it's just...icky to me is all. anyway, all this to say: thoughts? lol.

i don't like vanessa for many reasons, but the shippers will always think that she's shading him for no reason. this bitch is married, like...she has MOVED ON from austin in all kinds of regards. and like i said before, people will interpret things in their own personal way and that can be a curse. from my perspective, that quote vanessa shared TO ME read as "okay guys hang it up, i have moved on and everything is okay. let's just move on from this narrative".

also idk about the discourse surrounding darla and stuff but listen, if austin was perfectly fine leaving darla with vanessa after all this time then cool. he trusts her with his mother's dog. i mean clearly vanessa loves darla and i see the pics she posts with darla. cole seems to be a good surrogate dog dad to darla too from what i can tell. so...there is no problem here.

#lindsay's anon asks

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hello JALEBI, how r u doing?

Want to discuss something about Barun Sobti🌝We used to see him as a very fun loving guy, his face was so innocent that it seems he didn't understand the world yet at then. Bt now whenever I see any of his pictures, videos(which is rare) he looks tired,lifeless, I can't feel any joy in him. For me(may be I am over analyzing or something) it seems, he losts the willings for living on its full. He seems as a very numb guy now. I know there is many difficulties in this world which can change people totally bt this is really very sad to see him like this🙂

I want to share one more thing(which is actually pointless) that whenever I become tooooooo much lost into Arnav, Khushi's chemistry🥺, I unwilling start to blame Barun's wife🌚. My over thinking stupid mind likes to think that, Barun's wife was jealous of Sanaya and start to pressurize Barun to quit the show. Cz it's really very foolish reason which Barun used to give. He is an actor by profession so he can't quit or blame his job in order to spend more time at home. U know, bcz he have to go to the shooting today or tomorrow. So why he would want to quit a show which was so successful,otherwise to pacify her wife🙄. Or if it was a true excuse😒, then why he continues to be an actor bcz now he has a child also!!🔥Then my mind says that,does Barun's wife is the reason for his silent mood?!🙂

Person me, if my msg shows that I'm a terrible person🙃. It's midnight, and I can barely think rightly at this hour,just wanted to share these thoughs and clr my mind so sending u this msg. U surely can ignore this msg, if it's inconvenient.😞

Again sorry to bother you

From,

Smiley Anon😁

I don’t know where to begin. First of all I have a set strict rule that -

I do not discuss actors’ personal lives here

Second, you have to draw the line at parasocial relationship. “A parasocial relationship is a long-term attachment to a media figure (a blogger, an idol, or even a politician) based on what a person “knows” or understands about that figure over time. We develop parasocial relationships based on repeated interactions with these figures on social media or on television that make them seem relatable and accessible rather than far away from us “regular” people.”

This can be good or bad. The good is that the people who likes Barun’s/Sanaya’s works bond over loving those actors capabilities.

The bad is when someone assumes their life and marriage without even knowing them in real life.

Can you make a comment about Barun not keeping the best of appearances compared to his contemporary actors (for example Arjun Bijlani)? Sure, but-

(1) Barun is a normal human being who might be going through a plethora of things (the human body and mind are extremely unique)

(2) it’s none of our damned business to figure out why he doesn’t look the way he did ten years ago with makeup and good lighting.

Maybe he has aged? Maybe he hates posing for cameras so he always looks a bit uncomfortable? Maybe he just didn’t get sleep last night? Who knows and who cares?

Also I’m baffled at you heaping blame on his wife when he has been very vocal about just how much he loves her and that she’s been the most important person in his life. Like this isn’t even an assumption. In the little he has spoken it is evident how much his marriage means to him.

Yet to override what your favorite actor says to believe a twisted version of events is… sigh c’mon don’t do that. It’s the biggest way you can disrespect the actor tbh.

Also btw Barun was working 16-18 hours a day, daily, for two-three years by the end of ipk. It’s insane. Tv actors often fall ill due to these extreme working conditions!

What he did then is what we now call a mental health break (which is when people step back from their jobs/duties for the sake of themselves and their mental health). And Barun is neither the first nor the last one to do it. There’s Prince Harry, tennis superstar Naomi Osaka, Olympic human simone biles, global KPop sensation BTS, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, etc.

Also Deepika Padukone was diagnosed with depression at the height of her career.

These people have taken a pause from working because they were burned out.

Just like Barun was.

You can be curious as to how do stars get burned out, it’s their job right? Yeah but no job is fun when you don’t get a break.

Imagine being hours under hot lights, being sleep deprived and barely being home to sleep, memorizing pages after pages of lines on the day of shoot and then when you’re unable to deal with pressure you see fans commenting “oh his wife is the problem,”

I hope you have the sense to see the stupidity in this. Also burning out is an individual experience. Just because we can’t understand why a successful actor would leave a show, it doesn’t invalidate his reason!

He wanted to leave, he left. Period.

He loves acting, but not to the point where he doesn’t even see his family and is forced to play one damn character to its death.

Dude I’d give up writing fanfics if I was forced to write sixteen hours a day without a break for a year.

He got his break and he’s carefully choosing projects with proper time commitments (music videos, movies, web series).

TBH I don’t even know where this whole “blames the wife” comes from. If you love the actor, watch his interviews! He literally blames the crippled working system of TV.

Like it’s no surprise we’ve never gotten Barun and Sanaya to work together again simply considering this toxic discourse where his lovely wife is dragged in every now and then, although I don’t think it bothers them as they’ve plainly stated that multiple times.

Also he was 25/26 when he shot IPK. Trust me at that point everyone knows what the world is and they’re far from innocent. He was a fully grown man. Married with a few solid years of work experience. He knew the world well enough to prioritize his mental health and family over any money producers would throw at him.

There’s a very thin line on how to talk about the decisions you think actors are taking based on parasocial relationships with the said actors and I literally only replied to you because:

- you dismissed mental health

- you’ve been on my blog before and you’ve been very sweet

Anyways, I will not be engaging anymore in this kind of discussion.

I sincerely hope you won’t fall for these delusions any more. And if you truly love an actor, respect them. And respect includes respecting their choices and believing what they’re saying within a healthy line.

Too much of anything isn’t good. Not even IPK.

Hoping the best for you,

- jalebi

#ask #smiley Anon #Barun Sobti #personal life #seriously?

[sherifftillman]

get to know me!

anna @keerysquinn filled this in and i was thinking about my own answers and realised they go on for ages so i figured if y'all ever wanted a super lore drop about me. here it is!

since my answers are so long, i'm not going to tag anyone, but if you also get inspired to answer, i'm more than happy to learn about people so you can tag me in as the reason you want to answer these!

(under the cut bc of how long it gets lol)

Name(real or alias): rj. letter r, letter j. (i have to spell it out especially when i'm in america bc people think i'm saying audrey) it's an abbreviation of my given name, which considering it's common knowledge that i'm afab, it's probably pretty easy to guess? but i don't want anyone calling me anything other than rj, or ridge

ridge comes from the sounds 'ruh' and 'juh' being said real quickly in succession. my friend jamie once sent me an ask on my old blog forever ago that started with 'hey ridge' and i fell in love with it, but something feels weirdly overfamiliar when people call me it who i'm not mutuals with?? anyway, that's why my user tag is userridge, bc it wasn't being used and it is a legit nickname of mine i've had for years

Age: [schmidt from new girl voice] TWENNY-NOINE

Country you live in: england (derogatory). the oldies at the care home i work at (not for much longer!!) always assume that bc i visit my friends in america so often, i'm planning on moving there, but tbh as much as i'd love to not be an ocean away from the people i love most, domestic day-to-day life in america isn't worth the move. i'd rather sensationalise the one or two trips i get to wal-mart every year, lol

Fandoms: the only fandom i actively participate in, in terms of consuming regular fanart, fanfiction, character analysis, gifmaking and shipping, is stranger things. i have a lot of other interests in other media that i love to consume, but i don't necessarily feel any particular urge to take part in most, if any, parts of fandom culture within those interests like i do with stranger things and other projects affiliated with its actors

Why are you on tumblr (writer or reader or both): i've gone from being strictly a stranger things reader insert writer, to an all-characters-played-by-the-joes reader insert writer, to a sometimes reader insert writer but not for stranger things, sometimes pairing writer but only for stranger things rarepairs, and also now gifmaker!

Favorite thing about yourself: i can take care of people, and i'm good at it. i can make people feel better, and i can stand up for them when it's needed

Something you think you are known for: being the co-captain of cheerscoops, and The Ralph Mutual (which is a kind way of saying the mutual mentally unwell enough to write a six-figure word count about a character with six minutes of screentime)

Who are you in a friend group(partier, mom, talkative, etc): lol what's a friend group? i kid, i kid. i don't really have any irl friend "groups" anymore, but even back when i did, i was more of a gap filler. like, i wasn't one of the first people invited to things, but then later on if someone dropped out or if the group realised more people could come, then i'd be offered

in online groups, i like to think i'm someone who makes people laugh? i'm definitely the indecisive one who needs to crowdsource every choice put in front of me, but that's what you get when you befriend a nonbinary bisexual lol. i also like to bounce ideas back and forth with people, though admittedly despite how often i do it, i do also hold myself back from it a lot bc i don't want people to think i'm taking their idea and running with it

Who do you love the most: keep this clip in mind as you read the next part of this sentence: ask me that again and look at my url. i haven't felt such a (distantly) parasocial connection towards (not with, there's a difference) any celebrity in a long time that i do with the joes. like, i don't want to know anything about their personal lives in the slightest, but i'm always excited to see what they're doing next, in a way i'm not necessarily about anybody else

What brought you to tumblr in the first place: this blog started out because @denim-mixtapes and i, who met through our former blogs dedicated to A Fandom We Don't Talk About Any More, were yelling about eddie munson via snapchat, discord, instagram, our public twitter accounts and our private ones, tiktok, maybe more? and then @fanatictypist, also a friend from AFWDTAAM and deep in the brainrot but never having taken the break from tumblr that mandy and i did, suggested taking our ideas to tumblr bc this was july 2022 when hype was INSANELY real

before that, i made a blog specifically for AFWDTAAM because a) i missed the fandom blog i'd had before that which i had previously deactivated, and b) i realised there was reader insert fanfiction for said fandom, but not enough featuring the person that i liked the most, so i started writing. i'd never written x reader before then.

before that, as i said, i had a fandom blog. it was the one i used to join rp groups on tumblr, which was fun until it wasn't. and i realised that i was going through a cycle of finding a new group, enjoying their company, having major drama ensue, and eventually instead of just moving to another rp group to see the same thing happen over n over again, i just deactivated entirely. i miss rp-ing, but also i wouldn't go back to it at the age of 29

Is there something you regret doing: i have a lot of things that i have learned from, and i regret the fact that actions i've made have hurt people, always inadvertently, but still. i wish that the things that helped me to grow weren't at the expense of other people feeling bad about something in regard to me, but i don't think that constitutes regret.

being autistic, a lot of the time, people seem to just drop me out of seemingly nowhere. and my irl bestie does tell me that a lot of the people i end up befriending, are people she gets a bad vibe from or doesn't really trust, and they're always the ones who don't stick around. but i do feel as though i must be accountable, too, and i know and understand that nobody owes me an explanation if i have done something that warrants them no longer wanting me in their life, but also, how do i know what i need to do to salvage important relationships to me if they don't think it important enough to tell me? that's why i'm a big advocate that your friends should not be your 100% hype men. if they are, i don't trust them. i need people to call me out on my shit and tell me if i'm doing something wrong, or going too far. and i need to feel like i can do the same with them, without them getting offended. it's for both of our benefits

Top five songs: ugh okay each of these has a v significant meaning so here goes

fool - djo: as previously mentioned, am autistic. i got myself diagnosed at 20, and everything suddenly made sense. my mum refused to accept it, told me that everybody's a little on the spectrum, that i only think i am bc i've looked it up and aligned myself with the traits. i learned at 28 that actually, i've had a diagnosis since i was 4. mum just never ever did anything to help me. not when i was going through school wanting to **** ****** bc i knew i was the "weird kid" but i didn't know what made me so weird that everyone ganged up on me so i didn't know how to fix it. turns out i couldn't. i could have gotten more support, but i didn't. and even now that they know i know about the og diagnosis, my parents refuse to acknowledge it. for years, they would scold and bully me away from behaviours that were actually just me stimming, and merely existing as an autistic kid. so i have to put on a persona for them, i have to be their "fool" to appease them rather than just getting to be my authentic, autistic self like i can be around my friends

consequences - lovejoy: going back to the earlier not-quite-regret-but-definitely-Something feeling of knowing that someday friendships and relationships will almost certainly be doomed. this sing encapsulates that for me a lot

car lights - james marriott: the queer anthem of all time. m+d have always said that they "don't care" who i bring home but whenever they talk about me having a future they talk about a husband, or a potential father of my children (which idek if i want) even though i've had relationships with women. it again feels part of something i have to hide from them

soft - motionless in white: a new contender thanks to kai and acey. i've always been the "wholesome" one, i've never really felt rage specifically, or had an outlet for it, but being a lifelong people pleaser and having something to inspire me to work on giving less of a shit what other people are thinking/saying about me has been a game changer for the ol self-esteem

undertale - toby fox: i can't explain this one. it just makes me cry every time i listen to it. like, weep actual tears. every time.

If you could go anywhere where would you go: i've always wanted to go to japan, but i also don't like going to countries where english is not a first language without having a basic understanding of the mother tongue of that country and japanese is fuckin difficult to learn. i've also always wanted to go to australia, even before anyone in particular came into my life tyvm

What is your hobby: fanfic writing, gif making, video game playing. procrastinating is a hobby at this point, lol. i like to try craft things, but i'm not very good at keeping up with them

Any tv shows you watching: i'm rewatching stranger things bc gifmaking has ruined my perception of the actual timeline of events. i'm actively watching the afterparty s2 and only murders in the building s3. it's not really a tv show, but i watch it on my tv, dimension 20's current campaign, mentopolis, is also something i'm actively keeping up with, on top of all actively releasing dropout content

What movie did you last watch: the last movies i put on were the mamma mia films, as background while i wrote, and ever since i've been slowly cooking a mamma mia stranger things au bc i'm basically incapable of consuming any media without relating it to stranger things at this point. i can relate each of the 3 canon characters to eddie, steve and jonathan, but i can't shake the idea that like. what if argyle was one of the potential dads. it wouldn't be a direct parody bc he's so different from any other character in the mamma mia franchise but i think it would be so fun to include him, too

Last thing you read(book, fanfic, etc): i'm reading rebel robin, atm, bc idk why i never really thought to indulge in the stranger things books before now? i used to read doctor who books so it's not like i'm a stranger to consuming media outside of its original format. i'm also currently reading through @pearlypairings' photocheer fic there is a light that never goes out!

Last text message you got: HAHAHA this one's funny. my sister's getting married next month and she's asking if we've all paid for our parts, I told her I'd paid it and her fiance told me they'd receievd it (he's an accountant so he's dealing with the money side of things) but my sister couldn't spot anything from me even though i told her what her fiance had told me, so my last text from her is "unless he's financially gaslighting me, or he's tucked it away in his fuck-off fund" (which i should establish is a joke bc he is 1000% not like that in the slightest)

Last text message you sent: sending to my sister, above: "or he's gaslighting me into believing i've sent it when it didn't go through, classic Dishonest [fiance name redacted]!" (again, all a joke)

Any pets: none atm :( i still live with my parents who have never wanted any of us to have pets, but now that my older sister has her dog, jasper, my family are obsessed with him. i mean, they have a photo of him in our living room that's bigger than any photo of any of us kids

#tag game #? even though i wasn't tagged or i'm not tagging anyone lol #about me

[myristicisms]

@knightfeared | Squall Leonhart says;;

❛  you are so brave, and i'm incredibly proud of you.  ❜

Day in and day out it was always the same; Wake up, check emails for any missions or news from the director, get ready for the day, and depending on his schedule, either train or get paraded around by ShinRa to some degree before moving on to the rest of his day which often included having to provide some sort of morale boost for the troopers and lower ranks, doing paperwork, or on the rare occasion such as now, spend what little time he can with Squall before they're dragged off to work once more. It's typically unrewarding and yet with fingers carding through his hair so tenderly, lovingly even, Zack can't help but to appreciate the shared moment. He's burning out, much like a light that's shone for far too long or a fire fly swiftly approaching its final hours before their glow dims out into nothing, ever since his promotion he's come to note just how differently everyone treated him.

Everyone but Squall, to some degree. Oftentimes Zack cannot help but to reminisce on the times where the Turk would go out of his way to avoid anything to do with the First, it was amusing yet irritating to some degree back then simply because the Turk didn't know Zack well enough to have a valid reason to dislike him outside of gossip and rumors; Then again though, gossip had spread far too quickly the moment Zack's promotion had been finalized and suddenly those who looked upon the raven haired man with disdain suddenly thought the world of him, the general public who typically ignored his presence suddenly knew everything about the once bright eyed teenager and even fought for his attention. He'd heard Sephiroth put a name to it a few times, parasocial relationships was what the hero of ShinRa had said. ( People make an ideal you in their head, they don't know who the true you is so they use their imaginations and make assumptions. )

He hated it. Hated the fame that came with being a poster boy, hated the lingering eyes and the way people would speak about him so absolutely as if they knew everything about Zack and not just First Class Operative Zack Fair, his closest friends never did that and it was appreciated but even still, the lingering fear of those he cherished most having expectations of him that he'd never meet remained ever present and yet those damned fingers massaging his scalp, those wolf blues looking straight into his own Mako tainted eyes far too knowingly, as if seeing right into Zack's eternally full mind, and the voice that follows suit... Of all the people Zack's met, just hearing the words “ You are so brave, and I'm incredibly proud of you. ” finally break the dam that had been so carefully patched up in the privacy of his own home, hidden away within his pillows in the late hours of each night.

Teeth almost burrow into his bottom lip, an attempt to hide the choked sob that finally rips its way through his body, wet and painful in a sense as Zack fully digests the kindness offered to him. He hasn't heard anyone express pride in him since Angeal was alive, to feel as though he's enough had been something evasive since Modeoheim and yet Squall managed to break the joyful façade Zack had been so damned insistent on maintaining. All the hurt, all the grief and anxiety, it was all still there but it was slowly seeping out into something closer to being healed, something far more tolerable and less heavy as the swordsman clings desperately to the brunette. “ Thank you. ” He whimpers out, “ I try to be brave, gotta make sure I make it back to you in one piece. ”

To lose a loved one was expected in their line of work but that didn't mean Zack would rush to his death, especially not with someone to return to, someone who he knows loves him for who he is, not what he can do nor his rank or whatever foolish illusion of the SOLDIER that the media had painted; Squall didn't love Zack for the idea of who he was or what he could be, Squall accepted him for who he was; Flaws and boons all the same no matter how hideous the truth of who Zack Fair was as a person rather than a warrior, and in turn, the First openly embraced everything to do with the Turk. Moments such as this were a rarity, ones where he'd allow himself to rip open his ribs and rip his heart from his chest despite being utterly terrified to bear his feelings to anyone, but if anybody understood; It would be Squall Leonhart.

“ You make me feel normal, y'know that? ” Zack manages to babble out, tawny fingers wiping away the tears dripping down marred flesh. “ You make me feel like I'm not just some weapon for ShinRa, like I'm a person and not just a pretty face or cool story to sucker more kids into ShinRa with the hopes of being a hero, you just... You help me remember I'm human, not some character to idolize or fall in love with the idea of. I love that you challenge me, and that you're not afraid to call me out when you think I'm acting stupid and I just... I love you, and you don't have to say that back to me right now but I wanted to get that out. ”

#muse;; zack fair #knightfeared | squall leonhart #“ so take a chance on me ! ” squall/zack #• answered ic! #he got super in his emotions and thoughts #so sorry it's a wall of text kind of