#lol idk it feels too self indulgent to think this much about

[mmmthornton]

i had a dream like...a weekish ago? and i've been ruminating on it since. 😐

#lol idk it feels too self indulgent to think this much about #it was about running into an Ex Friend and her saying something so stupid to me that I laughed at her until she cried LOL #but it was also the exact kind of stupid thing she was juuust self obsessed enough to say #in the dream i was like *wow if I were less confident and more beat down like i've been in the past...* #*...this would've been devastating and that's what she's counting on. WELP lol too bad I'm not and i'm also smart enough to see through it! #when she started crying i just stopped because of how pathetic she was and walked away #wah womp

[daisywords]

started rereading a book that I had mixed feelings about but have also thought about a lot since (and I do like to revisit works that had a particular resonance with me to try and figure out what that captivating something was) and anyway I did read this book the first time when I was probably too young for it (I think my mom was reading it for a book club and I saw it on her nightstand and read the blurb and she told me I probably should wait until I was older to read it) and I remember that sneaking into her room to read it in little snatches. Sitting on the floor of her bathroom in secret with that book. But ANYWAY what I'm trying to say is I remembered being vaguely annoyed with the narrator and I was wondering if that would still be the case reading it as an adult. And the answer is yes. I am finding her insufferable, in fact.

#it's The Thirteenth Tale in case you were wondering #and this gal is annoying for multiple reasons #but to get specific. She was born with a conjoined twin but her twin died and she didn't find out about this until she was ten #and weirdly defines like her whole identity on that #haven't got far enough yet but I remember later in the book they like wax poetic about this inherent sense of ''twin-ness'' #and like her always feeling the shadow of her dead twin and stuff #which. ok. vibes I guess. #but hear me out. I was also actually a twin (we think) bc my mom literally had a miscarriage but then was still pregnant with me #which. (1) was not a defining moment to find out about bc I do not even remember her first telling me that #(2) maybe has caused me to wonder more about what it would have been like to grow up as a twin than your average person #but I also think that's probably normal to wonder about a little #and (3) is definitely not something I would base my identity around at all?? #granted. being born connected is more dramatic and also this is literally gothic fiction #but still idk she's all like ''oh woe is me I'm half of a whole and I've been lonely forever bc I'm missing my other half'' #like. girl me too? but idk I'm normal about it #also the whole ''I only read books all day and I don't talk to anyone and I just work at my dad's bookstore #where I don't actually have to do that much work I just get to read whatever I want and also write when I feel like it'' #I HATE YOU #she's just like me if my main character syndrome was indulged and if I was ANNOYING and self-obsessed #what growing up an only child will do to you ig lol #if you've reached the end of my very petty and specific rant. hello.

[peachesofteal]

ok i have a question- for the dead disco fics, if there was a situation where ghost had to choose between reader and soap, who would he choose? idk why im thinking abt this LOL

Hey babe, what is wrong with you? (I love this so much it scratches my angst brain just right) Why do you want to feel this pain? (I too, want to feel this pain...let’s indulge)

Ghost x Soap x female reader Dead Disco - verse AU - not canon to the actual story. Warnings-tags: Angst. Inferred character death. Darling's usual (eating issues, depression, anxiety, despair, self destructive behaviors)

The bed is too big, as it always has been. As it always was before, and during. And as it always will be for now on, too. Your legs spread across it, kicking and swishing across pristine sheets like you're swimming in them, like you're drowning. Drowning, is more apt. Drowning is more akin to these feelings that swimming, certainly. Drowning is how you feel right now, smothered in your loss, lungs full of water, burning from the salt of your own tears. You're at the bottom of the ocean, lost beneath where the sunlight doesn't reach, far beyond the swell of the waves. Drowning is what it feels like, when your heart clenches in your chest and your stomach heaves it's bile free. Drowning is how you would describe this black, bottomless hole that's developed soul, the one that pulls you deeper and deeper with every breath. Drowning. You've drowned. And no one was there to pull you to shore. To safety. No one was there to save you.

"I'm home!" Your bag falls to the floor with a thud as you toss your keys on the island, loosening your jacket and heading towards the dining area of the flat. "Holy shit, wait until I tell you about my day. My boss was on one today, she was being a crazy a-" the words die on your tongue when you finally look up and see the expression on Johnny's face. At first glance, one might call it grim, but for those who know him, who know to look closer, you see the red ting to his eye lids, the rub of drier skin around his nose. He's been crying. "What's going on?" you ask, looking from him to where Simon sits, stone faced. Immobile. Neither of them answer you at first. "Hello?" The knot that's been loosely tied in your stomach tightens. Simon nods at the free chair next to him. "Sit, darling."

There are two boxes, in your bathroom. They sit, full of things, clothing, items, trinkets, pieces of memories, pieces of love. They idle next to your bathtub, waiting, watching you, every time you drag yourself towards the toilet to vomit, or whenever you muster up the strength to look at your toothbrush. The boxes have sharpie scrawled across them, big loopy letters that almost look like mouths, almost look like they could grow teeth and talk to you, or eat you alive with what's inside of them. You supposed, they could. If you were to open them, and actually look at the things inside, they would consume you. Chew you up. Spit you out.

"I- I don't understand." You take a half step towards Johnny, who visibly flinches, face torn fractured with despair, while Simon's lips press into a hard line before he speaks. "We will make sure you're taken care of, we-" His voice is cold. So, so cold it scratches at your heart, pin pricks of icicles working their way beneath your ribs. "Stop." you shake your head, willing yourself to focus. What is he saying? What does he mean? "Simon, what... wh-what does that mean?" "Darling we're so, so sorry." Johnny's voice, is the opposite of cold. It's molten. Hot, and burning red with orange, thick with something you think is sadness. "You are sorry." You repeat it, numbly. You're not crying, which is a surprise to yourself and probably the two of them too. Your brain is really working now, hard. It's compartmentalizing and organizing and shoving little things away, burying others beneath mountains of sand and locking memories into boxes that you'll never be able to open. "You can't. You can't just leave me... you... you promised." Simon stands completely still, while Johnny shifts his weight nervously, fingers tangling with one another as he watches you like a hawk. Like a solider. "This will be better... for everyone." He tries to soothe you, tries to calm you, even from where he lurks, five feet away. Simon offers you nothing. "I don't understand, everything was fine. I thought... we were okay." Simon finally moves, shaking his head with a no while you watch, mouth ajar.

The boxes have been ripped into tatters now. They lay in shreds across the things in the bathtub, covering two t shirts of Johnny's, a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie of Simon's. Your silk bathrobe, and giant fleece blanket from the couch. There's also a book, a collection of photographs, a few pieces of jewelry. Worn index cards with recipes on them, Johnny's mum's, and a comic book, that Simon used to keep in his drawer of the bedside table. The final touch is the secret pack of cigarettes, the ones Simon used to keep in the closet, sans the one in your mouth. You inhale it slowly, breathing in the tobacco and the nicotine and the fumes of the lighter fluid, the entire contained dumped onto of the collection of things in the tub, waiting for your final flick. When it comes, you stay perched on the edge on the bath, barely interested, unmoving, as the fire rages. As it consumes.

"You fucking promised!" You scream. You scream it over and over until your throat is hoarse and Johnny looks panicked. Simon grips him roughly, sliding him half behind his body, as if to protect him from you. As if he thinks you'd hurt him. They both watch you with stricken faces, hunters tracking a wounded animal, and your breaths come in short bursts as tears track down your face. "You said you love me." It's barely a whisper, mournful and slow, and they both hear it. "We do." Johnny croaks. "We did." Simon counters, and you flinch. "But this is what's best, for all of us. It was always going to be him, darling. You've known this." It was always going to be him. It was always... going to be Johnny and Simon, over you. It was always going to be them, and not you. The truth stings, burns, bites. It twists it's wicked claws around your heart and tugs and tears until there's nothing left. You've known this. You idiot. How could you possibly believe, in the end, you'd still be in this equation? You'd still be a part of this? How could you possibly believe, that after everything, they'd still love you? Still want you? Simon's mouth moves, but you hear no sound. You hear nothing, as you turn on your heel and barricade yourself in the bedroom. You hear nothing, as they knock, and knock, you hear nothing, until the wood stops vibrating, and the front door open and closes with a final thud. It was always going to be them. You've known this.

"Bloody hell." Gaz whistles, eyes locked on the screen. Johnny wipes a towel across the back of his neck, mopping up the sheen of sweat that lingers there while Simon saunters through the rec room doors. "Christ. Didn't ya two live near there?" "Live where?" Johnny frowns, looking up. There's a heli eye view of a burning building on the news, it's entire structure engulfed in flames, firemen barely making a dent. The camera switches to a ground reporter, a pretty woman with a serious face, who's explaining that arson investigators believe the fire started on the ninth floor, where there's still a single person trapped, unable to be rescued so far by exhaustive efforts. Something glitches in Johnny's brain, something short circuiting while he blinks, and breathes, and blinks, trying to wrap his mind around what he's seeing. The ninth floor. Someone trapped. Didn't ya two live near there? The ninth- It's almost unrecognizable, but he knows. Of course he knows. The ninth floor, the ninth floor- His heart stops in his chest, and he turns frantically to Simon, who stands like a statue in the doorway, eyes wide and frozen. "No. Nonononono-" Johnny whispers. He stumbles, away from Simon, away from Gaz, eyes not leaving the television while he drops to his knees. "She- Simon." Simon doesn't answer, just stands, broken. Empty. Like a ghost. He has no words. He has nothing. And neither does Johnny.

#ghost x soap x reader #dead disco #peaches asks #johnny soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley #johnny mactavish #john soap mactavish #ghost x soap #soap mactavish #john mactavish x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #johnny mactavish x reader #soap x ghost x reader

[sugarmouchie]

◟⪩⪨ summary - “i act like you’re annoying but in reality i just wanna be so close to you” in other words, he’s pretending to work, saying how his work was taking forever when he kept looking back at you. he was “annoyed” of your bickering, but in reality you knew his needy-self wanted to fall asleep in your arms.

◟⪩⪨ warnings - literally none lol, just fluff, he’s “stressed” bc of work, touch starved!alhaitham, self indulgent, treating him like a child but in a good way (mentioned once), idk if this is good enough it’s my first time writing 😨😨 this is just full of random things idk

alhaitham x gn!reader 🪽 —

“stop being dramatic haitham,” you complained, rolling your eyes at him.

“shhh.” he replied, his eyes practically stuck on the glowing white screen that apparently he said “it’s only taking five hours.” he spoke, when in reality it was only taking two. his brain almost seemed like it was getting deformed from how much he was thinking about you.

“oh it’s deeeefinitely taking longer than that.” you replied with the most obvious sarcasm known to man.

he scoffed.

the corners of your mouth tugged up into a little smirk as you walked towards him. “haitha- oh!” you were not in the right mind to be mad at him at that moment because once you saw his screen, it was still as bright as the time you last checked on him.

which meant he hasn’t typed a single sentence ever since you came into the room.

“pretending to do your work, huh?” you tapped his shoulder, snapping your thumb and middle finger right in front of his ear so he would stop zoning out.

“imprecise. once again, [name].” referring to your earlier bickering about him taking a long time on his work, and him trying to prove you otherwise by saying “it’s not even taking that long.”

—

“just get up,” you scold him once again. “how are you gonna say your work is taking forever, but i keep catching your attention on me, hm?” you tilt his head up to reach your view, smirking in a playful way.

have his cheeks been this red from the moment you entered the room?

the so-called “stressed” man sighs, and thinks for a moment.

and finally, he gets up.

but as soon as he does, not even a second after, you immediately wrap him in your arms, placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

you aggressively grab his hand and run towards the couch outside of your shared bedroom, bringing him down with you and onto the L-shaped couch.

“[name]. you gonna stop complaining about my work now?” alhaitham suddenly asked, your head tilting up to meet his eyes, then you scoff before you could even realize that he began to stuff your face into his neck.

so you take the initiative and wrap your hands around his neck, breathing softly before he finally drifts off to sleep.

“your work only took two hours, stop fake sleeping,” you complain, poking his cheek a few times.

oh, he’s actually asleep.

you sigh. “ugh, wake up,” you continue, “i didn’t bother you for nothing.”

he tightly closes his eyes, his gray hair strands blocking his view since his head was tilted down if he even decided to open them.

“you know i don’t like it when you fall asleep during our cuddling sessions you big loser,” you whisper once more.

i mean, he was the type of person to fall asleep quickly.

then again, how could you complain when his legs probably hurt from sitting in that chair for “five hours”?

and wait, was he talking in his sleep?

“…stay,” not knowing if he was conscious or not, you let out a small giggle, before you stop teasing him about falling asleep too quickly and let him be.

feeling distraught that you had to get up from where you comfortably were placed in his lap, you attempted to pull away, didn’t work. another attempt? didn’t work. he was too strong!

but finally, after a few more attempts, you managed to pull yourself out of his tight embrace of his arms wrapped around you, you head to the bathroom.

wait.

he needs something to keep him company, huh?

treating him like he was a child, you ran over to your shared room, into the end of the closet, and brought him over that one plushie he managed to get for you from the claw machine a year ago after many attempts of the metal claw grabbing at the item but then falling right out of its grasp.

you smiled.

you then ran over to his side and placed it in his arms, covering his discomfort from the cold room with a huge comforter from your bed.

leaving him be, you went into the bathroom.

—

after you were done your shower, twenty minutes after, you sprinted to his side once again, but then noticed how he was awake now.

“finally, good job,” you praise in a teasing manner.

“you okay now? from your so called ‘5-hour project’?” you teased once more.

you wrap his arm around your waist once you seat yourself down onto one of the soft cushions of the couch, before he nuzzled you into his neck once again.

“i knew you were needy.”

—

@sugarmouchie do not copy/translate/repost on other platforms. 🪽

#valentine’s works 🎀 #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham x you #alhaitham x y/n #genshin impact #genshin impact x you #alhaitham imagines #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #i love touch starved men #physical touch :3 #yes ma’am #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #alhaitham x gender neutral reader #genshin impact fanfics #fluff

[yongislong]

intimate moments + dreamies.

wc: IDKKK GAH genre: fluff/domestic/suggestive?/angst???/established relationships nonidol!dreamies/always self-indulgent lol

cw/note: no cws i dont think! count how many mf times i mentioned studying in this LMAO :| v long, i went overboard EEK enojoy!!!

mark... back rubs. he screams back rubs to me idk. like back rubs but also if you're stressed, he gives such good like upper back and shoulder massages like HELLO. the best part is he doesn't even really know he does it. its like those videos of him fixing hyucks posture, it comes so naturally to him. it almost relaxes him too, to just have you sit on a cushion in the floor in between his calves, while he dangles his legs over the sides of your arms and gives you the most earth shattering shoulder rub you've ever had, he finds comfort in your comfort and lets out all his stresses on your back as well lol. reserved for quiet moments, like usually when you're on the floor studying and he senses you both need a break or you're both watching a movie on the couch and he sets a pillow on the floor and you're already in position bc you've gone through the motions so many times lol. but sometimes he'll just rub your shoulders or neck while you're both just... shopping, cooking, walking, or while mark is waiting for his turn to play while watching chenle shoot a basketball with yangyang. v soft and nice, ur posture and shoulders feel better than ever (even ur lower back like he will dig his knuckles into any place on your back its insane)

renjun... online shopping next to each other. ITS SO... ok hear me out. he's a material girl, therefore converting you into a material girl... its just nice like, using a bit of your hard earned money on nice things is just... nice! you'll sit next to each-other and put on y'all's favorite comfort cartoon and go to town on buying makeup, skincare, a bed for your shared bunny, sweaters, you name it. its like the modern day instances you see in movies where the married couple reads before they go to bed TT. every once in a while he'll start poking your upper thigh asking questions and showing you cute things he finds or maybe you mentioned a problem you had with your skin or something and he's showing you some skincare/makeup products he found that might work for you or just clothes he thinks will look good on you. its cute when you both share a computer as well and just browse together. makes for quality time and helps both of you guys gauge each-others tastes and def helps when planning gift ideas. its funny though how much he would shift positions though LMAO like one second he has his legs straight up in the air resting on the headboard with his phone over his face and next thing you know he's in fetal position or grabbing your ankles to pull your lower half over his thighs to prop his laptop up on your legs haha

jeno... crocheting. LIKE THINK ABOUT IT, this tall, lean man who's 40% veins and 60% just pure muscle LOVES to sit down and make little hats for you and your shared cats and its... like its insane. neither of you guys knew how to do it until you saw videos of people on tiktok making hats and little accessories for their pets, and it inspired you. the next time you go grocery shopping with jen, you sneak away to the craft section and snatch a crochet starter kit. when you bring it back to the cart, he looks at you a little questioningly but you give him a smile and he ruffles your hair and demands you to promise to teach him. now you have a box tucked under your bed filled with small hats you and jeno have made your cats the hats he's made you are in your closet hehe. you do this at least once every two weeks. you sit down and come to a consensus about what to make and you both begin rummaging through the different colored yarn. when jeno's hands get too tired, he's pulling you to lay in between his legs by grabbing the sides of your hips. he doesn't mind sitting in silence but... if you're there... he's so talkative. so much to the point where sometimes you have to stop because he's making you laugh or react so much that your hands are shaking a ton and you keep messing up which only makes you guys laugh even harder TT, picturing him laughing so much he tucks his head into your neck to muffle his sounds or wrapping his arms around your waist tighter every time you tell a good joke... gah

haechan... watching your show. not a show that you're in just a show you share LOL but to me... intimate moments with haechan are a lot more personal and emotional? idk why i think of him that way after you guys have a long talk or even sit in silence for a while and come to a mutual understanding that u both need movie time, the best way to end the night and stop the tears is watching both of ya'll's favorite show. it could be something that came out years ago or something you both wait to air every friday BUT it's just nice! it could also be a movie, but just washing away the bad day, or even ending a good day on a better note, it's a moment where nothing else matters. on his bed, with the biggest white comforter he could find, like 17 plushies, turning the lights off but having the room be lit by the golden hour lamp he has as well as any scattering lava lamps or light up trinkets he has like the heart shaped fairy lights you got him, 3-5 strawberry cake scented candles lit and its just UGHHHH. both of you are both fresh and showered with dewy faces from your skincare, hair and bangs being held up by matching bear headbands he bought. OHH and the show HAS to match the season. scoobydoo mystery incorporated to celebrate october 1st... uhm YEAH! anyways you share his laptop which is covered in stickers he had made of you and his friends or just like random stuff, his wallpaper is you, his profile picture for hbo max is you and his password is your name/his nickname for you as he snakes his arms over you, he lays his head on your chest and drapes one leg over your waist like a koala

jaemin... late night convenience store visits. jaemin seems like a night person! he lives such a quiet life to people that don't know him very well, just walking around being gorgeous and smiling softly to everyone. until he meets you and he feels like he can be himself and is encouraged to by someone other than the dreamies. sure he has the other neos but not everyone knows him like you and jeno do. as friends, you would notice him on social media late at night while you were scrolling as a break from studying. constantly posting aesthetic night pictures of him and his views at the park or random, weird looking snack he sees on his private snapchat story. now, he has you to go with! moments like this are used as breaks from studying or just 2 am cravings for pizza bites. you both talk about nothing or everything in these moments. he has an entire folder dedicated to pictures of you in his phone and almost 80% are in the 7/11 across the street. OHH and one time you went to japan on a study abroad together and he lost his mind because the late night stores there are so good and omg he freaked out about everything and about how pretty you looked under the lights, etc. best two months of his LIFE. now he posts pictures of you in his private story instead. the dreamies lose their minds every time he posts bc oh my gosh, he used to go alone and they were all so worried about him but little did they know he just loves to look around and stuff or sometimes he would just go in hopes that he would catch you bc the store is in the middle of both of yalls apartments and NOWW he has you!!!! and they adore you as well and you bring out the best in jae. ugh :")

chenle...getting ready together. every moment with you, to him, is intimate. but he loves seeing you evolve from the moment you wake up puffy and sleepy, to picking out your outfit, and doing your hair or makeup if you wear it and he loves see you in your element. its such a personal thing to get ready together because, its something that was once done alone, until you found each other and moved in together. playing an any winehouse vinyl and having the crackling noises and music be muffled by his high-pitched laughter when he tries to style your hair and does an awful job or when he tries to help you brush up your eyebrows and makes them into a weird shape like!!!! and oh my god he laughs so loud you would think he was watching the funniest stand up routine in the world like jesus TT you have to remind him through laughs and a hand to his mouth that you do in-fact live in a complex with other people lol. but in all seriousness you are letting him into your personal bubble!!! and aren't even mad/awkward with him because he's touching you like this!!! you trust him this much, especially considering he knows how much you value alone time and personal space or just... even letting anyone see you in your rawest form. ofc he's honored to help you get ready and aids in picking out your outfit for lecture or work if you actually wear the outfit he gets so smug and flirty but he's practically bright red. and vice versa!! he likes propping you up on the bathroom sink and letting you help him trim his brows, put pomade in his hair, put on his moisturizer while he cages your figure by putting his hands on the granite next to your thighs, which encourages you to link your ankles behind his back. TOOTHPASTE KISSES... need i say more!?

jisung... watching him dance. I KNOW OK, basic but i mean come on, he's incredible and its a big part of him yet he's kinda blissfully unaware but also cocky in a way where he will do some insane combo or move and everyone starts freaking out and he's just stops mid dance and looks around like o_0 and is so confused as to why... like he's just... he didn't think it was that big of a deal LMAO. but he started to have so much more assurance in himself especially once he starts inviting you to the studio with him. he begs you to come, it usually doesn't take much persuasion but you were mid task or studying lol and you're like... babe can i finish... and NO RESPONSE he just smirks and shuts your laptop and goes over to you and drapes you over his shoulder or police style drags you out of the room by caging you in with his long ass arms while dragging you out the door. when in the studio its kind of a toss up of what genre he does but he tends to always allocate a certain genre to a certain feeling that plagued him that week. if he's had a hard week, it gets a million times better once he see your eyes full of adoration though the mirror and he stops mid dance giggling and runs over to you and hides his faces in your criss-crossed lap babygirl agenda BUTT if he's had a good week or something positive happened, he LOVES to drag you to the mirror and show you what he's learning. whether you're bad or you dance as often as him, he's always enamored. on more chill days though you justdance battle it out on the giant flat screen tv tucked away in the corner. he reaches over to the nobs on the wall and the music is so loud, but not loud enough to muffle the laughter and thuds of both of you guys falling to the floor from cackling so hard yes his dance teacher is mad lol

#nct fluff #nct blurb #nct reactions #nct soft blurbs #nct icons #nct soft hours #nct college au #nct dream renjun #nct dream haechan #nct dream mark #nct dream jeno #nct dream x reader #nct dream fluff #nct dream chenle #nct dream jaemin #nct dream headcanons #nct dcream x gender neutral reader #nct dream blurbs #nct blurbs #nct headcanons #lee jeno fluff #renjun fluff #chenle fluff #jaemin fluff #mark lee fluff #jisung fluff #haechan fluff #nct comfort

[nereidprinc3ss]

ok LOVED the ask about dybmn!spence headcanons … to add on to that (& please correct me if i’m wrong!!! i don’t mind at all if your opinion is diff than mine hehe) but i wonder if/feel like spence would get sort of condescending? like as reader gets more comfortable with herself you know? & never in an awful way but i think just leaning a little more into the power dynamics? like back in part 1 where he asks if it’s too much she says no and he goes “no of course it isn’t. you’ll just take whatever i give you won’t you” or smth like that and that part had me kicking my feet LOL like he’s not being inappropriate or playing on her insecurities but it’s just something i think fits! also in a couple of your other fics even if they don’t belong in this universe but like in relax (which is my favorite thing you’ve written btw ily) she says it’s too much and he goes “no it’s not” and essentially you can take it and. SQUEALS like it’s not in a gross way but it’s like deliciously condescending #toME idk maybe this is purely self indulgent but i do think that it’s something he would be into. like the “you can take it” OR OMG when he makes her use her words. DIES omg this is so long and all over the place i hope this made sense LOL but either way again i loved you expanding on the headcanons so much … love to hear what’s going on inside the perfect brain that brings us all these fics LOL kisses babe

i love you anon god bless the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs who turned into the fossils that created the oil that became the gas that fueled the car that drove your mother to the hospital on the day you were born

more 18+ ramblings

i’ve always thought that spencer has a mean side. and i don’t mean that as in classic degradation but as you said condescension. i think in the dybmn universe he’s been holding himself in check a lot, much more than we realize, because he doesn’t wanna overwhelm the reader or accidentally make her feel bad about herself because he knows she’s still fragile at this point. but it definitely sneaks into the way he speaks to her sometimes, like as you said in part one, and it’s definitely pretty clear in his thoughts in part three. and it’s like this weird dissonant motivation where on the one hand he wants her to know it’s okay to not think so fucking hard all the time and to just let him take care of her and on the other he genuinely wants to cultivate her ability to stand up for herself during sex and tell him what she wants. like when he says he wants her words he really wants her words, he wants to make sure she’s engaged and present and she doesn’t have to be eloquent but he does expect a response of some sort.

and then some of it is just because he likes seeing how desperate she gets for him like….. use your words or ask for what you want or whatever are all said with the same unspoken messages which are you’re a grown up so act like it or remember how smart you were five minutes ago or it’s so cute when i let you talk back to me and we pretend like i can’t fix your attitude the second i decide im sick of it

like he just really gets off on the implicit control he has over her, not because he has to forcibly take it but because she hands it to him and she trusts him with it and he LOVES being trusted, he wants to make sure she knows he’ll never break her trust and he’ll always take care of her even if he’s sometimes a little mean😁 he just loves reader BAD

but ya at the root of all the condescension is just a lot of genuine adoration probably because he’s sooooo whipped it’s sickening truly

#asks #ramblings #actually i might be IN love with you #headcanons

[adoringhaikyuu]

hi this is incredibly INCREDIBLY self indulgent but could you possibly write about daichi and some of the other captains with an s/o who’s latina w/ curly hair and they watch her do her curly routine? I thought it’d be cute bc they would ask a lot of questions about the process and stuff idk if this makes sense sorry💀

THEIR S/O HAS CURLY HAIR

characters: daichi + kuroo + oikawa + ushijima + (gn!reader)

notes: this is for poc mainly (and anyone who has curly hair that needs a routine ig lol) tried to make more inclusive if that's okay

★ daichi takes mental notes (and actual notes) of the steps and the products that you use so he can get them for you when they run out. he's worried he'll mess up, but he offers to help and even watches tutorials with you. soon he's getting on you to take care of your hair when you're feeling lazy.

★ kuroo just likes watching you tbh. he'll take a seat and just stare at you as you do your routine. he asks what each product does like a curious little kid, but it's cute because it shows he cares. asks to try himself and at first he sucks lol, but with practice he gets pretty good.

★ oikawa's routine almost takes the same amount of time as yours. it makes no sense but he's really into skincare and haircare so you'll do yours together. he actually knows a lot more than you would think about curly hair maintenance, so he literally gives you tips and helps you oil your hair every few days. he likes doing his routine with you, makes sure you stick to it.

★ ushijima doesn't know much about curly hair, he's clueless tbh. but once you start dating and you tell him you can't hangout with him one day because you have to wash your hair...he decides to start doing his research. will send you videos that he finds about tutorials, memorizes all the protective styles (pays for the trips to the salon too).

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #daichi #daichi x reader #daichi fluff #daichi hc #kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo fluff #kuroo hc #oikawa #oikawa x reader #oikawa fluff #oikawa hc #ushijima #ushijima x reader #ushijima fluff #ushijima hc

[heartnosekid]

I started making stimboards a while ago, granted I'm not the most frequently active even with a queue, but I greatly enjoy carefully crafting a board, digging up sources for gifs, ... still, I cant stop feeling a bit hurt that I get next to no notes on them. A single board easily takes me 30 minutes to 1 hour, and a recent one got 1 note. That's all. I was so proud of it, and now it feels like it was all in vain, despite the fun it was to assemble. I love seeing you on my dash btw, I love your gifs and boards. But yeah. Did it take you a while too to get a decent amount of notes / followers ? I try my best to use appropriate tags for reach. I dont even do super niche themes. And I tell myself to just keep at it, with enough time and effort I'll have some more followers too. Idk. I was just hoping for some words of encouragement if you can spare some lol

i 100% understand this frustration and i have a few questions for you.

firstly, is there any way you could send me a board of yours so i can see the tags and potentially give some advice about that? it's okay if you would rather not, i understand wanting to maintain anonymity.

secondly, if you did want to send your blog my way, i could potentially reblog some of your stuff and help you gain some traction.

now for some encouragement, i promise your work matters regardless of followers or notes or anything like that. the internet has a sinister way of making us feel as if the only way our work is important, even to ourselves, is if it gets lots of recognition and interactions and clicks. this is wholly false, and a dangerous mindset to get stuck in. (i'm still in it and i hate it. i work so hard to not care about notes but it is so hard, especially when you're raised by a critical voice when it comes to your art.)

i will always encourage you and anyone else to ignore the numbers. i know this is extremely hard to do, especially when you're just starting out and you want to make your work seen and be praised, but i promise it will help build healthy habits in regards to posting your work and not taking the fun or meaning out of it for yourself, because at the end of the day, making art should be for you and satisfy you first and foremost. i made the huge mistake of getting into the numbers game in regards to my work and i regret it every day, quite literally. and yes, it did take a long time for my boards and gifs to start gaining traction. i've had this blog since 2017, i have been making boards since...2019 i think, maybe 2018, and gifs since either late 2019 or 2020, i think, and i didn't start seeing major interactions (1k+ notes) for about two to three years.

if your work is fun and fulfilling to you; if it satisfies your creative nature in a way other things can't, please keep doing it. i promise it is worth it to make the art 100000% self indulgently rather than to rely on attention from others to progress.

much love and support to you, anon. i hope to see some cool stuff from you in the community. <3

#stim #anon #ish talks #advice

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"You don't know my name, do you? Will you ever?"

Summery: beomgyu keeps his promises--he walks you from and sometimes to work, hangs out there with you. its all very comfortable and usual for the both of you. he even orders the same thing every time he comes in: your wonderful hot chocolate you make him. noting is new, its all been done before a thousand times between the two of you. why? you and Beomgyu have been friends for ever. that's great. You and him have also become a sort of... intertwined. more than just being together; youve grown together. also great. but what happens when you do something out of the ordinary? or rather, maybe the two of you stop keeping your promises and let the feelings youve pushed down so hard you feel like youre about to combust bubble up? also great.

a/n: long hair gyuuuuuu based on 'you don’t know my name'!!!!! its one of my favorite (if not my singular favorite) song by her. and besides... come on y'all, its beomgyu so I had to lol. yerin and I talked about this during he 300 subs special (even though SHE doesn't seem to remember it lmao) so here I am holding up my end of the deal and making my fic based on this song. if you liked it please leave some love such as commenting and or reblogging!

warnings/info: slow burn I guess, kissing, reader and Beomgyu go to a party, mentions of people fucking, Beomgyu gets in an extremely heated argument with a complete stranger at said party, I feel like I ranted a bit too much with the fic, a little poem-ish at times I think, reader and gyu are scared to go into uncharted territory with thier friendship, lots and lots and lots of talk of reader and beomgyu needing to control themselves around each other, cursing, beomgyu being sweet and them slow dancing cause that's a warning in itself, one joke about beomgyu and reader fucking? idk its not said explicitly tho this was way too self indulgent I apologize, friends to lovers, reader is gn.

~this is simply a piece of fiction. my imagination onto "paper." this is in now way meant to be taken as an actual or real representation of anyone~

••••••••••••••••••••••

A sharp, wind chime sounding ping makes you spring out of your thoughts to look at the door. Your smile. Huh right on the dot. Your eyes are met with the handsome fetures of your most frequent customer: beomgyu. Hair touching the nape of his neck and eyes bright as ever despite the mugginess outside. though its not all bad-- it makes him remember how one time last winter on your usual walk-from-your-work-with-him, he had stood behind you and wrapped you in his coat, bringing you flush with his clothed chest. it was oversized on him and noting, he thinks, could have prepared him for how you melted into him.

you noticed his wandering eyes and raise you voice to snap him out of it.

“why do you look like that?” you ask. it’s slow at work right now and you say that because you don’t want him to notice your heart pounding. You know if you don’t distract him he’ll do so. He pays enough attention and knows you all too well to hide it. “oh I dunno I just went for a run. No! It’s because it’s raining buckets out there!” “Yeah YOU running? That didn’t sound right” his mouth hangs open a little "um excuse you." he puffs his chest out. "I-I run." the way he's shaking his head while speaking gives him away if you already didn't know him so well. maybe a little too well. but, you tried not to think about that too much. how you

“I’ll have the hot chocolate” he says, although you know what would fall out of his lips just the Same as last time, and the time before that. And many roles before. You know how he likes it (extra sweet. “Just like you” he says. Before you squeeze you nose) but seriously you don’t think you’ve ever known someone who liked such a sugary thing. It nearly tasting like straight candy

“not many people order hot chocolate in the summer. You sure you want that?” “Yeah, it’s a comforting drink ya know.” Something he always used to drink as a kid. Before he met you. Before he didn’t have to watch what he said around someone like you because of half giddy and half eyes to the floor bashfulness he’ll feel if he slips up and gets a little too flirty. Says something a little too strong to you. Not that you’d mind. No, not at all. But he doesn’t need to know you feel that way.

"Yeah but with everything?" you ask, still making it but wondering anyways. He leans further in, putting his hands on the table. "How come you're just asking me this now? we've been doing this for such a long time and now is when it pops into your mind that it's weird to have it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner?" you roll your eyes at him. but really, you weren't annoyed at all. the truth was you awaited the never-the-same times he'd come in and order that same, warm and comforting drink. (it depend on his classes, and or what he had to do inbetween) It had gotten on the point where one of the other workers there would tap your shoulder and let you know that he was there when you didn't notice.

"your guy is here." one of the workers there would tell you. In a moment of weakness, beomgyu would pop into your mind and your eyes would go wide as you looked for him. "he's not my guy." you'd try and cover your tracks but with the knowing smile on your work friends face as they walked away, you knew it wasn't any use.

"we've been doing this forever." his words rung in your ears. he was right. you had been. you'd both been seeing each other so much and resisting the bubbling urge to kiss the shit out of each other. You'd been inching dangerously close to him, but never as close as you really wanted and craved, the warmth of his heart ghosting your skin... forever. he'd been avoiding your gaze-- the one that made him feel like all the four seasons were swirling up inside him and somehow all their wonder landing in you, seeping out in all the little things you did... forever. To be honestly, neither of you knew how long you could keep this up.

but here you are, thinking of and loving noting more than seeing his eyes fill with excitement as you hand him the mug. he cups it with both his hands even though it isn't cold inside so it wasn't like he needed to warm his hands. "You know, you should just keep your own mug here." you comment. he looks up at you, about to take a sip and obviously not very happy you interrupted his almost-bliss. though, in his mind, it wasn't that different-- no, it could not compare to the feeling he got around you. "Or maybe I should just bring one with me." he jokes, lips pursing to blow the steam off the surface of the delicious smelling drink. "Yeah," you nod, "and bring a plate while you're at it-- you know what," you lean on the counter in front of him, knuckles going under your chin and fingertips folded enough to touch the beginning of your palm. And he'd rather not look at you through the fog emanating from the porcelain mug so he puts it down, leaning in for dramatic effect. "Better yet, take it with you when you leave so I don't have to wash it!" you eyes go wide and you throw your hands up like you just had the best idea of the century-- better than sliced bread.

he puts a hand to his chest, leans back with his mouth hung wide open, and then gets up with his hands to his head pulling at his hair like he just had an epiphany. you laugh freely as he walks around in a circle. once he's back at the counter he slams his hands down on the edge of it and looks all serious. "You've got it, y/n! this is gonna make history!" he exclaims. You take a bow just for kicks and when you come back up his expression has suddenly changed. its gone much... softer, a smile is tugging at his lips and he can't help it but to let it free once he sees your smiling face again... smiling because of him, too. because of the joy you two make together. its unmatched, really. His fingertips feel flushed like his face, and aren't holding on so tightly to the cold metal edge of the counter. he's leaning in now, for what reason he doesn't really know. damn, he wants and fucking needs to be closer to you. he feels it in his core.

Then, he makes the mistake of looking into your eyes and in an instant you send him on a whirlwind. usually he distracts himself and looks at something else but he just couldn't bring himself to this time. He wants to set up an easel and capture your entire expression right here but your eyes... your eyes he's sure made his plan he's trying to stick to of not getting caught in your gaze. or, better yet, not getting caught gazing at you. but, for someone he knows so well and for so long, it wasn't easy. because, every time you speak, every time he looks at you, every time he even thinks of you, his mind starts to cloud with all the goodness he sees inside you. every inch of your mind he knows and all the other filled up spaced he wants to adventure into.

How could he stop his mind from getting tied up in the wonder of a human that was you? He sure couldn't, and nobody in their right mind would be able to. He snaps himself out of his thinking before you can think to do it yourself. Lord knows if you caught him spacing out at a time like this you'd give him one of your infamous smacks on the ears and he'd shriek so loud out of surprise people outside would hear him. "You're making me waste valuable time on drinking this." he chuckled, holding a finger up to you to signal: one minute, as he takes a few big gulps. he puts the cup down and leans back.

"one of your best, y/n." he complements.

you raise an eyebrow. "Oh? so there's a hierarchy and competition for best of y/ns hot chocolate now? if I would've known I would've made it look all cute." you said, getting back to work behind the counter. the place was pretty dead at the moment but there was still a few things needing tone done. "Come to think of it, I should deduct points for not putting a cinnamon heart on the surface." he wonders aloud. "Oh so just a heart would suffice? noting else?" you ask him. "well why not?" he nearly giggles, "Thought you loved me." You simply smile and roll your eyes at him, not really having the opurtunity to have any type of conversation like that here. although you wanted to. and it didn't really have to go the way you intended it. but if he-- or the both of you for that matter, were gonna go there, then you might as well and a full on sit down talk about it. again not that you didn't want to at all-- in fact, you'd thought about how it'd go down plenty more times then truly necessary. And what better place to have it in than where you two had met?

maybe it was just you making excuses for yourself; for putting it off just one more day. one more week. one more month. or basically one more eternity of longing stares and cut of sentences where, you wanna say more but ultimately fail to. the conversation now seemingly over, he shrugs and finishes his drink.

He stays and orders another extra extra sweet, practically caffeinated, slap you in the face to jolt you into operating at top speed crack drink that was his or your signature hot chocolate. this is a habit of his-- one he'd likely have to break soon if this floating feeling of his keeps up and un-in check. but a habit the both of you cherish-- where he comes in and stays until you have to leave. most of the time you don't even get to talk much. but the comfort that comes right along with your presence around each other makes up for it. thats another habit with the two of you: just being in the same room and doing different things. it was pure comfort just being around each other. maybe looking over and smiling at the other or striking up a conversation that could last a minute or the rest of time he was there or in other situations, the rest of time you'd were together-- however long you both wanted it, really. and it was never awkward, either. the silence never aching.

that's how it was when you first started walking back to your respective places after your shift. another habit of his, one you hope, along with the others, would never die. him staying for a while, talking a bit... or a lot with you, then walking together. usually it was him walking you home but others it'd just be whatever you two wanted that day. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his acid washed jeans when you look over at him.

"Did you grow or something?" you question.

"maybe you shrunk, hm?" he countered.

you narrowed your eyes at him. he turns to you and does the same. "Very adult of you." You scoff. "You started--" then, realizing that continuing to say was he was going to wasn't going to help his case in the slightest. It barely falls silent for a second before he, in a moment of either weakness or some extreme courage he doesnt know, he slows down a little, gently puts his hands onto your waist, finger finding place scrunched in your shirt, and stills you. though, with the rapid beating of your heart you didn't need any help to do so. He gently moves you to the inside of the sidewalk. he doesn't know why. it's kinda stupid really. he doesn't even have a reason expect that's how you two are usually walking. but it isn't ever really intentional. Usually he just gets out the door of the diner first and you follow soon after. but he liked it that way. it felt warm and comfortable.

he clears his throat. "So, you were saying?" you look back up at him, not too stunned to speak or anything just....thinking. time still in its frozen capsule like it was a moment ago with his hands on your waist. "I feel like you've grown." you say simply, verbally shrugging. he takes a look at his own arms as if that would give him an idea as to what you're talking about. "I know you haven't but," you sigh, unsure of where you're even going with this, "I dunno you seem different." the both of you are still facing forward, not having looked at each other since a minute ago. "Is that a good thing or a bed thing?" You smile. "good. definitely good." "that's good that it's good." he laughs.

"oh piss off!" You chuckle at him, shaking you head. a second later you don't hear his steps anymore and turn around to see him saying "gladly." and start to walk in the other direction. You yell at him to get his ass back here and he turns on his heel, trotting back to you with a smile on his face, eyes hidden by his hair as he looks down. "But yeah," you say once he's back to walking beside you, "You've defiantly grown. not in height, but how you are as a person now." he hums. "I guess I can see that. you have too, you know?" you quirk and eyebrow.

"like--" he takes a breath, "You've grown... not like you act completely different now, but you've just--" you get what he's trying to say. "Blossomed?" He nods, but before he can start talking again you're already opening your mouth. "So have you. Not like you weren't someone I wanted to spend a lot of time with when were first met but you've grown into this person who-who has so much depth to them. like sure, you look a little different and youve changed your hair countless times, but I think you've bloomed in a way. And I love that you have; that you've made yourself out to be who you are right now." he purses his lips together.

"hey, it's not all me, ya know? Ive only been able to grow the way you said I have because I've got you by my side. actually, no, more than that, I've got you coaching me and trying to help. And have you taken a look In the mirror? its not just me that's grown internally since we've both met. I feel like... You're more you know than you were before. or at least not as afraid to show who you are." "that's cause I have you cheering me on, beom." he smiles at the nickname, something you've had for him forever. just like how you've been learning each other inside and out forever. But he also smiles at himself. he was your personal hype man, as you'd say, wasn't he? "And im really proud of you for flourishing like you have." he says. "Im proud of us." you counter, "for both becoming more than we were before."

all that was missing was two glasses to toast. "Yeah, and we're achieving that together, too. we have been forever. and I know that's why its unfolding so beautifully-- it takes the two of us to pull something so great off like that." you try not to get all fluttery inside by the prospect of him thinking that you're "great." cause there isn't much to it, really. plain and simple. he thinks you're great... or the journey youve taken with him so far is great or whatever... it should stop there for you. but that's the thing: with him, it never does.

It kinda hits the both of you right in the face at that moment. and you realize all you need to know about how the other person feels the same way when your caught looking at each other and saying more or less the same thing of: "wow, I think our lives are intwined now and I love that."

as the minutes go on, you both talk about some of the ways youve seen this with each other-- growing internally as youve both said. You bring up something, then him, it goes on like this until you both have a realization. "...But seriously, though." you cause, "Im glad that we're like this." "Im happy we can be like this too. and to be honest, I don't just want to be a better person, I wanna be a better person with you." he quickly cocks his head to the side, almost like he was punctuating his sentence. "I was just about to say that! I like growing with you. it's amazing. and you make me want to be better. not in a competitive way though. I just wanna move along with life with you next to me."

He puts a hand to his chest, hopping it would distract him from how fast his heart was beating. It had the opposite affect, though, drawing his attention to it under his palm. "Im glad youve been in my life for so long." he says, wondering jut how far he was going to take all this confessing how wonderful it was to have you by his side. wouldn't this make more of an impact on he both of you than just making you smile? or was he making it more than it was? he probably was to be honest; friends tell each other how much they value each other all the time. just... probably the ones who's heart feels like its about to lift him up and fly him away to the moon, stay away from it.

"And I am glad we're in each others lives to often that we can brighten each others days whenever the other needs it." he nods in agreement, not trusting himself to talk more because he'll surely say all that he thinks of you... and us. the rest of the walk is spent back in the comfortable, fireplace like silence like the first couple minutes of it. Once you get to your front door and your back is turned, he draws in a breath. "It is wonderful to have you in my life, y/n. I don't think you can understand how great it is and how much I love it." you're about to swing open your door but you turn around to look in the eye. "Me too. I love how it feels to have you by my side." you really wish you had something more to say but it seems like its enough for him. cause a second later and he's nearly skipping away from your door. You shake you head at him and go inside.

He scratches the back of his neck, thinking entirely too much about what you had said to him. There was a thousand ways you could have meant hit but for some reason he only wanted to think of it as one. the one where you actually secretly wanted to kiss him every time you hugged goodbye. One where you'd invite him into your place for hot chocolate and he'd stay, and long, long while; only really going back to his home for clothes cause fuck, if he had you like that he wouldn't dream of letting you go or leaving you for as long as he could.

God, It was almost uncanny how, you knew what to call him, but his name? that was something else entirely it felt like now.HIs own name had come to be you. that was how much you were written on his heart; written like law on stone. so engraved in his mind that he felt like you were with him all his life... except with this it was more like someone who knew him his entire life but suddenly stoped paying attention for a very important mile marker, then suddenly started up paying attention again, completely glossing over something that was so important to him. Like his name: but now youve replaced it with your own an the wasn't mad about it. and you didn't know, did you? would you ever know his name?

and, in the middle of all his swirling like a hurricane that brought peace instead of distruction, he wondered if you were ever feeling the same thing. did you think of him the way he thought of you?

He knew everything about you, as did you, he, you thought as you slipped off your shoes at the door. But you figured that, since friends need to be honest as much as they can, that wasn't entirely true. cute there was this one, not so small thing youve never shared with him. something that was such a big part of you it might as well be your name. The way you felt when he was near, when you thought of him, fuck, even when someone mentioned him. at this point, him-- and feeling this was about him was such a bug thing that it had become a part of you. he had become a part of you. and just like a name it was something you wanted and needed to tell the whole world. including him.

but there was the problem, you couldn't just scream it out for everyone to hear. that's why youve been waiting. Even though it was takin g a long time for him to figure out that big giant part of you that thad become as second nature as a name. Beomgyu was smart, but apparently he was stupid when it came to this. but seriously, with all the slip ups youve been having recently, you're starting to wonder if he's deliberately not understanding you and your feelings. Like is he that dense or does he just not want you?

You shoot him a message none the less; telling him to text when he got home unless you'll start to worry.

===

The next time you talk was on the phone on your way to work. He likes to walk you there, too. but today just happened to be one of those days where it couldn't happen. But you missed his presence on the street that reminded you of the talk you had yesterday so the next best thing was to call him. "Hey, it's the server from the diner." You say. "yeah, I know." It was a throwback to when he'd given his number to the place so he could get a free delivery. Though he was hoping you'd pick up on it and call him. and you did. you were the one who had to call to let him know his order had arrived and was currently getting cold outside his door. you had ended the call with him apologizing profusely.

One thing lead to another and you made a follow up call on how the food tasted. you heard him smiling from the other end of the phone as he says, "great as always." You barely thought he would even pick up so you didn't know what to say after that. "especially the hot chocolate." he aded then. And now you're the one smiling uncontrollably. After a few minutes on the phone that day your heart is leaping with excitement. so the next time he comes in, you talk with each other more freely. and now you had his number so when he doesn't come in for a few days you remembered mustering up the courage to text him. "I really wanted to come over there. hot chocolate would probably help cure whatever I have." you felt stupid. duh of course he was just sick, why were you so worried?

within the hour, hot chocolate was delivered to his door free of cost.

and that's when the friendship began; with him texting you an entire paragraph just to say thanks for the gesture and you two talking back and forth, heart seemingly on the edge of its seat, about hot chocolate and hot drinks in general.

"You know... our manager is always telling us to use water," you repeat now what you said all that time ago, "But I always use milk and cream for you." He's snapped back to the present, with you on the other end of the phone, wind whipping in the mic. "aww you really do care, don't cha?" he laughs, smug smile gracing his lips.he can practically hear you roll your eyes from the other end of the phone. "your welcome." you drawled. "I sincerely thank you for your sacrifice of cream and milk." he said, and it sounds like a joke, but still he's smiling in gratitude none the less. youre about to joke about how he needs to repay you... somehow. but he beats you to it. though... with the way he starts off, it doesn't sound like fully a joke. but just enough of one where he knows you'll listen.

"And as a formal expression of my forever debt to you, I invite you to attend a party with me." You figured you'd play along, his tone not serious enough for you to spend the brain power to actually think of an answer. "yeah, sure, Beom." It was about as real to you as the both of you staying completely quiet during a movie so you played along. at least, you thought you were playing. beomgyu puts his speaker of his phone up to his mouth, nearly making your ears bleed as he yells into it: "no take backs!" then promptly hangs up.

you roll your eyes at him, a little concerned for future you and him but cracking up none the less. The surprised expression on your face when he comes by later to quote "take the both of you shopping for the party the next day." was so priceless he wished he had whipped out his phone quick enough. "I keep my promises." he reminds you as he sits down at his usual bar stool. And he sure does, like the one he's been keeping, weighing on his heart for so long he feels like its going to crack it n a million pieces impossible to pick up, about just how much he feels for you. he made that promise to you to stick by you as friends for as long as you'd have him there long enough to be forgotten. but now him. he remembers it like it was yesterday and he intends to keep his word, especially to you. who knows which way it would take you if he didn't. and the last thing he needs is for you two to be torn apart.

he slumps on the counter and gives you puppy dog eyes. you sigh "No one told me you were serious. that was coercion; I did not understand the phrasing of the question, therefore--" oh, you wanted court of law? he'd give you court of law. "uh uh" he wriggles his finger in your face. "was this under a false pretense? maybe. but did that initially give you the right to call back and or ask further questions? yes. so for that reason youre guilty!" he slams an imaginary gavel down on the white counter. you turn around to take a breath. he kicks his feat. "come on, y/n! I think it'll be fun. and if not then we'll leave right away and go to my place to watch tv. and we'll get a cute outfit out of it either way!" you think about it for a moment. "I need deodorant anyways!"

well it is important not to have a stench.....

he can tell youre thinking about it and he perks up at the sight of your wheels turning behind your eyes. it was one of this favorite things-- watching you think, weigh your options and all. It wasn't like you completely didn't want to go. there was a part of you, one that was soon going to get bigger youre sure. but a part of you right now none the less. so what was stopping you? you wanted to be close to him. you loved being close to him and that meant doing things together. but in an environment like this.... it might pose a problem to lips kept tightly shut and secrets you held behind your back.

You take one last look at him, and if it's a regular response between friends or in a slip up you don't know, but you agree. he nearly jumps up out of his seat in celebration. Why did he suggest this? who knows. was this a good idea? who. the fuck. knows. maybe because he wanted to do something with you. but it was probably something more than that it the back of his mind that made him call you and ask. but he knows full well what almost happened the last time you two went to a party together. a bunch of "aww youre so cute together!" made it seem all a little too real after a while and as the night went on with him eventually stopping himself from telling the truth to these people and him getting seemingly eaten from the inside when he stopped just reviling in the fantasy and remembered that no, youre not together. The night ended somehow with you two coming dangerously close to kissing.

maybe he really just wanted to spend time with you; a sort of do-over. he could control himself this time. or maybe that's what it was... he wanted to test the waters again-- challenge himself and see if he really could have self control. or maybe, just maybe, in the back of his mind he wanted to test the waters another way. maybe he wanted to know if it'd happen again. of course he wouldn't do anything about it; he wanted to keep his promise to you but something felt like it was knocking at the back of his mind.

once your shift is done, he's got a spring in his step as he opens the door for the both of you and bouncing on his heels with a smile on his face telling you to hurry up. and no, you don't just go shopping for deodorant... but instead spend two full hours shopping around. two full hours that consisted of trying on clothes and the both of you having to bite your tongues. because fucking hell, why'd he have to have such a good style? you perk up as he steps out the dressing room for the third time, already preparing yourself for you heart seemingly about to beat out of your chest. "what do you think?" "I think..." his face sinks.... "oh--" he pouts, "no no! it looks great! its just, its white."

he quirks and eyebrow at you. "I have eyes, ya know? I did pick it out." he reminds you, nose and mouth scrunching up in that classic Beomgyu disgusted face. "spillage." you simply say. his eyebrows got up into his hairline. "youre right." the next out fit he comes out with, a little more spillage proof, is what he decides on. he takes another look in the mirror, sighing. "you really think it looks good?" he questions. "I have eyes, ya know?" you echo him. he spins around into the dressing room, away from you as quickly as possible so you didn't have to see the smile on his face and the rosy tint to his cheeks.

When it comes to you and picking out your outfits, while youre walking ahead of him to the dressing rooms, he closes his eyes, leaning his head against the wall so he can think for a moment. or... more stop himself form thinking so much than anything. he knows what he's getting himself into. but How you reacted each time he'd first appear out the dressing rooms door with that wistful glassy look in your eyes, almost like you yourself were trying to stop your gears turning.... Times like that gave him hope that maybe yeah, you felt the same way about him as he did you. because just for a short moment he saw the same look in his eyes that they had on him now; trying so hard to stop thinking about you. you, you, you, you.

"I think a round of applause is in order!" you say.-- twenty minutes in. twenty minutes of him bouncing his leg. twenty minutes of you hiding the way his complements make you feel. twenty minutes of the second you shut the door behind you him screaming internally into his palms and twenty minutes of you doing the same. he smiles at you when you come out. "I know. we have good taste." his cheeks seem to be nearly kissing at his lashes as he smiles and he's driving you crazy. "We do, don't we?" you take another look in the mirror.

"You really think it's--" Youre starting to stress over if the outfit really is worth the buy. you like it a lot. but now youre starting to wonder if its a little too little here or too much there and-- "I have eyes, don't I?" he repeats, you turn around and lock eyes with him for just a second too long not to do anything to the both of your heart rates.

===

fast forward to the next night and youre swinging your door open to see him turned the other way. he spins around as soon as he hears the door. You press your lips together and he unconsciously mimics you. "you look really beautiful!" he beams. he's just being your personal hype man as always, and youre not afraid to say that you love it. "Aw you look really beautiful too."

the words slipped past both of your lips like water through fingers. though, unlike water, the words were thick, with feelings long left in the dark hiding behind them. "Oh? so just beautiful? not really--" You step out toward him, closing the door behind you, making you step just a little bit too close to him than usual. "really really beautiful." you clarified. and this time, he doesn't move his head. "thank you." he whispers, voice softer than his hair. and the both of you are unable to move from your doorstep-- frozen in time and space, with the only thing moving being your rapid heart beats and rising chests.

====

he looks at you beside him and can feel your gears turning inside your head, a sight he so badly wants to get lost in but knows he can't. realizing it'd be bad enough with the gorgeous outfit you were wearing and how he was sure at least someone was going to try and hit on you... he'd rather not start getting himself tangled with you now. but he can't seem to move his neck any other way than craned to his left to look at you.

its was just.... as much as he wants an needs to kiss you so badly.... your so Important to him, he thinks as he lags behind a bit, watching you walk ahead. and your friendship is so important to him that they never want to break it, even if that meant shutting his mouth and staying further away, cause in the end that's really what he wanted: to be and stay friends with you. the reason he stayed never has been and never will be just about what he felt for you. your friendship will always be the most important thing to him and heeds never want to jeopardize that and loose you. he'd rather your friendship stay strong than anything.

Your turn around, beckoning him to come closer. he skips to you, so happy you don't know what to do with yourself. "You know--" "no, I don't. I was hoping you'd tell me." you scoff. "I was going to say that im glad you invited me. Im ready to go be extroverts together now and experience all the bad smells and all the loud noises a party has to offer." he laughs, but he knows youre half serious. and he's fully serious when he says he's happy you came.

====

the noise thumps in your ears, nearing making them ring. the lights are dimmer than you thought needed but it-- along with noise and people constantly bumping into each other, sufficed in making the atmosphere very party-like. cause well, it was a party after all. He follows you, both trying to scout out where the kitchen was. you'd planned to stick together, tighter than you did last time, tighter than when the both of you were bombarded with people asking you about each other, and stick together you did.

even when you two went upstairs, trying to find the bathroom, and stumbled upon a couple people fucking and practically biting each others faces off in the room you thought was the bathroom. Beomgyu shuts the door immediately, any longer and you'd both be traumatized. "get your own room!" you hear from behind the heavy door." He looks at you and you back at him before bursting into laughter. "I mean, did you want to orrrr?" you phrase it as a joke, and though he thinks he hears something in the back of your tone, he only rolls his eyes at you. though his brows go up higher than youve ever seen.

The second he's done in the bathroom you lead in downstairs to where the music was the loudest. "I heard it too." he pants, "I was trying to hurry up." you really couldn't believe they were playing this here. it was almost too perfect, you thought. with his body so close to yours, dancing and enjoying the song you both liked. And suddenly, it didn't feel like you were in a crowded room. and for a moment all you could see, and feel, and smell, was him. him and his fingers now reaching for yours, spinning you around, laughing without a care in the world. like it didnt matter that your heart was about to beat out of your chest, making you float on the floor you were dancing on.

Everyone else-- the entire room was blurred. It was just you, and him. him, and you. just as it should be. this didn't happen all the time-- rather, you didn't let it happen all the time. but when it did... you swore youve never felt anything so natural. so--so right and beautiful. You smile and ease him into a dip, now youre both laughing. when he comes up, somehow both his hands ended up in yours and now he's pulled flush against your body. he feels like you both are taking up so much and too little space at the same time--like the whole floor is yours and yours only. he swallows thickly, neither of you making a move to step away. you know it sounds stupid but for a second you can feel as life your hearts are beating as one. and for a seance he feels like maybe this is really real. that it won't end any second and that he isn't having another day dream about slow dancing with you in one of your living rooms; all comfy and--

"I have to go get some water." you say so low that only he hears over the music. you really shouldnt let it goony further than this. at least not here. and as much as you wanted to keep ignoring everyone around you cause with him, were they even there in the first place? you knew you shouldn't, couldn't keep it up for much longer cause being this close to him only made you wanna kiss the shit out of him. "y-youre not--" you look at the next to no gap between you still, hands still closes around each others tightly. you blink to free yourself from the perfect daze youre caught in. the song was barely even slow enough to slow dance to. what you you doing? "moving? I know." and before he could even ask if you to stay longer, youre already pushing yourself off his chest and out of his grasp.

"You sure you don't want me to just go with you?" he nearly stumbles after you. "beom, its just for a second." You whip around to face him, arms crossed defensibly. "but a lot can happen in a second." yeah, I can see that, you say to yourself, thinking about just a moment before where dancing to a song you both liked turned quickly into something that was going to make you stumble. beom, the name echoed in his mind over and over until it flowed into his heart where all the other times youve laughed or called him by that nickname laid. "listen I know youre just trying to uphold our agreement, but seriously, im fine."

he knows he's probably being too worried for you, but he just can't. epically after you'd done that. with your hands clasping his against his chest. god, he never wanted it to end. little did he know neither did you. you did actually need water, being so close to him like that had a track record of making your throat go dry and fingers go numb. it also had a track record of making you get lost in his glazed over eyes. you find a cup and rinse in out before anything cause who knew where its been. a moment later youre about to refill your cup when you hear the unmistakable sound of Beomgyus shriek. followed by someone yelling at him.

oh god what did he get himself into now?

You run to where you last saw him and, finding him not there you rush to where you saw a few people gathered by the stairs. those people who were now making way for beomgyu flying down them. someone hot with anger and hot on his tale. Your brows furrowed as he zooms past you. "im sorry!" you hear him say, "I probably shouldn't have gotten involved but it looked like a pretty heated argument!" oh god? that was what this was about? "Yah!" the person yells behind him. "that's why you shouldve stayed out of it!" then and Beomgyu are both on opposite ends of the sofa, both waiting for the other to make a move. when the person inches right, beomgyu tips to the left. when beomgyu goes the other way, the person follows his movements.

two of the three people move off the sofa to get out the way. god, he really was fucked, wasn't he? you didn't know what to do, really. you left for five minutes and here he was getting screamed profanities at by some random person. You wanted to help, but as beomgyu brings up to the person how the person they were talking with looked hurt, and how they themself looked hurt as well, you leaned against the door frame and just watched.

it was another one of these situations, huh? they didn't look mad enough to really do much of a number on him anyways, and youd step in to stop them any minute now if beomgyu doesn't leave the argument first. And step in a minute later after beomgyu and the person going back and forth tore you apart from the inside out to one, see him so worried like this, and two, hearing them yell next to you with the loud ass music was starting to make your ears bleed you didn't need to do after all. Beomgyu was backing up with his hands in front of him defensively. it didn't feel like you needed to collect him or keep him out of trouble or anything cause he was intentionally trying to start a fight, but you could tell no one was going to get anywhere with this. or at least beomgyu wasn't going to get what he was looking for from the person. So you figured it best to tell it that you two should leave. you grab him by the shoulders and lead him out the door. you were kinda done with the party anyways, having been there quite enough time already.

"im sorry! I ruined our night, didn't I?" he begs. "but they were saying some pretty shitty things about someone and it looked like it was about to turn physical." he practically pleads with you as the night air nips at whatever wasn't covered on you. you stay silent the whole way back to you place. "What have I told you?" you tell more than ask sternly once he's plopped down on his sofa. he hands his head low. "Not to get in the middle of other peoples problems..." he echoes what you say every time something like this happens-- he thinks he can be be everyones knight In shinning armor, protecter and helper to all by getting himself involved. it usually doesn't have such... strong repercussions. most of the time its when he hers whispers of someone talking about their troubles with someone else and he tries to console them. which is fine on its own, but then comes the part where he's getting all caught up in it and he's getting hurt along with them.

and as much as you are shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the situation he got himself into... you purse your lips and try not to catch his eyes from across the sofa. you lean back. "But im not surprised. And it's not because you never learn or that youre stupid or anything, ok? so don't even go there. but that's just who you are, how youve always been since I met you-- caring so much for people, even people you don't know that you'll end up like this trying to help them sometimes. that's one of the things about you that haven't changed one bit since I've met you." he inches closer as if you hear you better, legs folded criss cross on the cushions and hands on his knees.

"don't make me out to be such a hero." he shakes his head. and this time you move a little closer. "Not saying you are just," you pause, knowing what you want to say but wondering if this really was the right time for it. It felt right in your bones and besides when were you going to get another chance like this one? when just a bit ago his hands fit perfectly in yours and you could feel his raging heartbeat under your palms? It was now or never, right? but really, you werent too sure you'd be able to stop yourself now. you might've been in too deep, but with him, never over your head. "just, youre the kindest person ive ever met. n' I just worry you'll get hurt more than youve already gotten in the past-- like youve gotten in the past when you get invested like this."

youre breathing all heavy for some reason, and he's getting that same glassy look in his eyes as earlier in the night. it reminds you of a sugar honey glaze on sweet fruit or a dessert and you can't help but stare int them. "glad to see you care." he shrugs. only his lips move thankfully just in your field of vision, eyes staying locked on yours. "I thought you knew I did. he's unconsciously leaning forward to you, his body following the magnetic pull that was you. though he's only following what seemed natural. "Thought you knew that I did?" you put your face in your palm, elbow balanced on your knee. "Yeah, but..." he trails off, the both of you now impossibly close.

and closer, and closer, and closer until your lips join in a searing kiss. you both sigh in relief into it, having waited so, so long. now your heart was really beating out of your chest, your fingertips no longer numb but boiling with feeling. his hands go from his knees to your hands, grasping them firmly, but gently just like you did to him at the party. he felt like he was floating, like he was suddenly sitting on a cloud and wasn't afraid of falling. god, he's wanted this for so long; for fucking ever. how could he stop now? you pull apart, and now youre thinking how in the world you felt out this long. ".... now the way I want you to." he continues, "not the way I do." you smile, leaning in again to kiss him. it was meant to be a quick peck, but instead it turned into you leaning your body into his and his hands on your arms, running up and down them, making you sink further into him and the seat in warmth.

Now, for a second time, you pull away. "Does that help answering how much I care?" he's smiling like a mad man at your words. "so I guess I didn't ruin our night?" he says, more to get his Brian working properly more than anything. "The opposite. I wanted to leave with you anyways." and now he's nearly jumping out of his seat to to do a little happy dance. he couldnt help it, though. especially when you were pulling him back in by his shirt balls dup in your fist and smashing your lips together.

when you pull apart though, instead of smiling in each others faces, the both of you shoot up. oh god... oh god! what did you just do? it wasn't suppose to go like this, he thinks as you rush to put your shoes on at the door. No words were exchanged between the two of you, though. except: "Hey... I--" "no no!" you say a little too loudly, "no, its fine. we don't ever need to speak of this again, sound good?" his lips form a line at your words. he shoots you a thumbs up. "...yeah." it wasn't what he wanted, that's of for user. but what other choice did he have? didn't look like you were ready for it to happen, so my default, now he wasn't either.

it wasn't like you two avoided each other at all costs in the week after the incident. no, not at all. you were friends above anything and everything, and such close friends that being like that to each other would've killed the both of you. and it wasnt like you were mad at each other... but now the silence on your walks together felt.... uncomfortable; unnatural and weird. like you needed to fill it with pointless talking to distract you from how there was this... air in the midst of you two-- like you knew what the other wanted, craved and needed but were too scared to do something about it.

that's why he knew he had to do something about it. so here he was, barging into the diner you worked past closing time. You quickly run to the door to unlock it for him. not like you were doing anything better anyways, watching the raindrops slide down one of the many windows as you wiped down each table. he was later than he usually was, but it looked like he was here for more than just to pick you up. the look in his eyes said it all. You turn around as soon as you pull the door open for him. "we're closed, Beom." the nickname slipped off your tongue so easily it was like you had forgotten the incident the week before, and how you promised yourself you'd back away even more than you had to keep it from happening again.

it wasn't like you didnt want it to. god was it the opposite. it was just... new, and scary. you knew that wasn't the best excuse but it was all you had. he was, in a way all you had. You didn't really know what moving along that road would mean. you knew it'd be good. but again, it was new and scary.

"I can't loose you." he pants behind you. for once he it was raining and for once he did run here. he spreads his arms wide, his long hair dripping on his shoulders. "And I can't-- I can't believe we let this come between us. and I don't want to let the wedge be driven any further." when you still don't respond, back still turned he gets more desperate, running a worried hand through his hair. "Come on, y/n! we're best friends!" you slam your towel down on the counter. "yeah, well maybe that's why this should've never fuckin happened." your words make the room go silent. you didn't yell it, you didnt exclaim it, you basically whispered it, but it boomed like a bomb going off none the less.

he was too important-- your relationship, whatever it may be, was too important to let go; you knew that. he knew that. he didnt say a word, realizing that he might say something to make the situation worse. he knew he was staying after hours, then again, it reminded him of how it would be between the two of you a week ago when you'd still talk the same. he'd come in, you'd make him the best hot chocolate he'd ever tasted next to his moms, and then he'd sit at the same bar stool and you'd talk for hours, barely making a move to actually go home. but eventually, after helping you with cleaning, he'd walk you home.

but for watts its worth, neither of you wanted to go back to those times, even after everything quite liking how the experience of the incident felt. You invite him to go to your place to talk it out some more. having the same idea, he agrees readily.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." you say, youve been talking for a little over a hour now, somehow slipping into how it was about a week ago along the way back to your place, and you don't think youve felt something so good-- so reliving, in a very long time. "I haven't been telling the whole truth either." no other words are uttered between the two of you, opting to lean ever so frustratingly and tantalizingly slow into each other,. his hand coming to rest on your thigh, folded underneath you at the knee on his sofa. you place your hand on top of his has your lips connect, a long awaited satisfied sigh is breathed into each others face, the air tickling you. youre rubbing circles on the back of his hand as his mind races. it was a kiss you poured all your feelings into. one where you spilled into it how you needed him with you so so so bad. how you wanted him beside you even more than he already was. how you were sorry it took you so long, and how you couldn't wait to keep being beside each other. you could feel him pour all that and more into his side of it and you reviled in the feeling, settling into it like it was second nature.

you blink a couple times when you pull apart, glad that you took your talk someplace else now. and well, I guess the both of you know now. youve now pulled out of the dark that beautiful little thing you two were hiding.

Now you both know just that one more, not so little thing you needed-- what was on each of your hearts the most.

~end~

Can’t believe never written a solely beomgyu fic before anyways as I’ve said if you liked it please comment and or reblog since tumble works on that system and liking it only bookmarks it for you :) I hope you enjoyed!!!

©️2023copyrightofshutupheathersorryheatherr do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works even if you give me credit

taglist: @itz-yerin

#beomgyu x reader #beomgyu txt #choi beomgyu #txt beomgyu #beomgyu #beomgyu fanfic #beomgyu fluff #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu x poc reader #beomgyu had me fainting™️ (as always) on this one #tomorrow x together #ghosts writing

[annoyingeye]

edit isnt mine!

☢︎︎m҉e҈o҉w҈ m҉e҈o҉w҈ :3☢︎︎

NIKA/ALL PRNS/PL, RUS, ENG

𝙼𝚈 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃𝚂!!

-slenderverse

-creepypasta or just creepy stuff:D

-analogue/psychological horrors

-INDIE, STORY AND HORROR GAMES

-true crime

-paranormal things

-lost media

-psychology

-astrology

-demonology

-urbex

-OCEAN AND SEA!

-ranfren, ptp, htf, ddlc>_<

-punk rock, post punk, emo and goth music!! (i like metal too but not that much)

-zombie and vampires

-wars!

-dinosaurs or just history/prehistory

-guns/weapons

-alan tutorial!!

𝐌𝐘 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

Flippy (htf), Habit (emh), Vinny (emh) Observer (t12), Prebrand (t12), Alex Kralie (marble hornets), Jeff The Killer (crp), Ghoulia (mh), John Doe (jd XD), Sid (skins), Maria (silent hill), Chris (dh00), Michael (ml0), Andre and Cal:3 (zero day), Pinkie Pie (mlp), Abby Anderson (tlou), Toki (Metalocalypse), Ada Wong (resident evil), Wesker (resident evil), Hank Anderson (dbh), Larry Johnson (sf), Todd Morrison (sf), Postal Dude (postal), Sophie (cof), John Ward (ftut), Miles Upshur (outlast), Norman Jayden (heavy rain), Shaggy (scooby doo), Patrick Bateman (american psycho), Jesse Wells (hollow hemlocks)

𝗕𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀/𝗔𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁

Anal Cunt, Buerak, Sedes, 5mewmet, dj trippie flameboy, Злые Гномы, Пурген, Molchat Doma, KMFDM, Type O Negative, Chernikovskaya Hata, Mindless Self Indulgence, Ploho, Nürnberg, Linkin Park, ssshhhiiittt!, Crystal Castles, Pisse, Dezeter, Brudne Place Zabaw, Pornofilmy, Myslovitz, CASTET, 100 Tvarzy Grzybiarzy, Twoyastara Of Death, Hamulec, Gruzja, Казённыи Унитаз, Fester Witch, Оргазм Нострадамуса, Elusin, Treny and many many many other

𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐢 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭

Postal, Half Life, Silent hill, Lomando.com, John Doe, Outlast, Sally Face, Fran Bow, Cry of Fear, Afraid of Monsters, Faith the unholy trinity, Buckshot Roulette, Priest Simulator, Call of Duty, Red Dead Redemption, Mortal Kombat, KryptaFM, Neverending Nightmares

movies/shows/series that i like:3

Duck, Zero Day, Saw, IT, My Little Pony, Monster high, Elephant, Scooby Doo, Fight Club, Breaking Bad, American Psycho, Sala Samobójców

𝚁𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚝 𝚖𝚎:3

-I love windy weather smsmsmms

-talking abt ai 24/7

-im lonely as hell

-im watching movies with Joey Smack all the time

-i love darkness

-staying up all nights

-YES I LOVE EDGY MEDIA

-im a walking multifandom literally

-I LOVELOVELOVE COOKING CAKES

-my favorite animals are wolfs, dogs and lemon sharks!

-idk what i feel abt my sexuality tbh

-my comfort people are Evan Jennings, Rikki Audax and Andreas Ronnberg:3

-atheist:D

-i think about zombie and fake shooters media all the time

-PLAYING GAMES AND LISTENING TO MUSIC 24/7

⠀ DNI!!

-minor p3dos/p3dos

-n4zis.

-adam r0sner supporters

-SOME yansim/genshin/pj sekai toxic fans

-dsmp fans

-ppl who r romantizing being slavic bc its annoying

-SOME taylor swift and lana del rey fans (i dont mean listeners!)

-millennials

-proshippers

-PEOPLE WHO HATE DOGS OR CATS.

-posers

-annoying skinheads and metalheads

-ppl who are hating on other basic/alt ppl

-EVERY WEIRD south park fans

-g0re enjoyers

INTERACT!!

-slenderverse and creepypasta enjoyers!

-tcc (just dont talk abt killers like abt little kids and be normal)

-punks:3

-POST PUNK AND PUNK ROCK LISTENERS.

-indie, story and horror games fans

-KMFDM AND MSI LISTENERS (jimmy supporters dni lol)

-fictional school shooters enjoyers!!

-minors

-edgy people pleaseee

-PRIEST SIMULATOR OR KRYPTA FM POLISH FANS

-analogue horrors enjoyers

-kpop community (the same thing as tcc)

-artists!

-cosplayers hell yeah

-ranfren russian and polish fandom (BE NORMAL PLESSEEEEE)

-PPL WHO KNOWS ABT ALAN TUTORIAL

#Spotify #slenderverse #creepy pasta #zero day 2003 #zombiezzmwuah #starter pack #pokemon #intro post #silly #introduction

[suchawrathfullamb]

hey Lamb, I really love your writing, can you give some advice? Maybe general things to pay attention to when writing fic, specifically Hannigram?

Thank you so much, although I don't feel like I am in any position to give advice, I'm still learning my own style and idk, I feel like giving advice is too big of a task and title for me lol. I also feel like writing fic should be mostly about self indulgence, I know we tend to be perfectionists and desire external validation, but really we're just having fun with something we're passionate about, you shouldn't be so worried about making it in a certain way. Although I understand that many of us do wish to professionalize our writing someday and maybe publish non-fandom work, so I also understand how important feedback can be when we're trying to learn and get better if it's something we want to pursue in a professional way :). Because I want to actually help you, I'll just list a few things that I personally notice in fics, but then again, I'm not at all in any position to be taken as some sort of authority and I honestly think I'm mid, I'm hardly satisfied with what I write, although I appreciate when anyone compliments my writing. With Hannigram in particular I notice I tend to try too hard when it comes to Hannibal's pov and narration, which granted, it is a harder pov to write for, but I feel like we forget to put a little more emotion and tone down on the overly intellectual language. Hannibal prosed a lot but he was still understandable and sometimes I'll write something for him and I'm like, what the actual fuck does that even mean, too much thesaurus on every single word lol. I feel like I'm Joey in that one Friends episode, ykwim? The one he needs to write Chandler and Monica's adoption letter and he uses thesaurus for every single word and it ends up sounding crazy? lol Another thing is the self awareness. Because the show is about a psychiatrist, and the main characters are extremely intelligent, we tend to think they're self aware and although they certainly are in a few aspects, they're still realistically human when it comes to not realizing their own feelings. I feel like it takes me out of the story when the author explains the characters feelings, for example: "Will knew Hannibal was bad for him, but he also felt like he was the only person who truly understood him, and so, even though he was conflicted, he(blablabla)", sometimes it's better to hold back a little, let the character's actions and inner dialogue speak for itself...show, don't tell. And the last thing I noticed that really takes me out is when the characters are cartoonish: Will reeeally likes dogs, and fishing, and flannels. Or something like "This person was rude. Hannibal would like to eat them because he despises rude people" (I see it so much but now all the examples flew out of my head lol). There's something about it that makes the characters less realistic, which is totally fine if that's the vibe, yk? More funny, cute, crack even, idk, but I see it when it wasn't the intention of the author, they just thought it was in character so they needed to point it out, you know? As if every action is "this is sooo will, omg, this sooo hannibal" vibes, you know? As if all they do is fish, eat people, wear flannels, pet dogs, drink wine and well actually maybe that is all they do,

#lol jk it just makes the reading super enjoyable when you feel as if they're real people #if that makes any sense #i'm not at all someone with authority to give writing advice lol #hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #fanfic #writing #writers #advice #ask the lamb

[idledee]

wanted to stop by and say how much i love ur art, it's very soft and feels super comforting to look at ! i love the bits and pieces that you've made for ve sầu song ca and it made me happy to find another vietnamese person here in this world :) do your ocs have any special meaning behind their name, and what's your process in naming them ? :0 ty again for making such lovely pieces, i hope u have a great day ! <3

WAH thanks so much!! i always get so flustered when ppl ask about ocs aslk;djfalj in truth they are very self-indulgent and like. cheesy. there's not a lot of complexity involved but lol! but if anyone is curious!:

chích choè: her name is literally the viet name for the magpie-robins. she was an orphan abandoned in a temple without a name, so this is what her royal adopted siblings call her bc she likes to talk and sing a lot like the songbird aha. added symbolism^tm bc her sis also has a bird name

quỳnh liên: honestly i just like the sound...its a very gentle pretty name lol which is at odds w her upbringing (mum and her ran away from abusive father, grew up in forgotten temple kinda poor). shes supposed to be cc's foil and their names are meant to reflect that...idk

bạch yến: literally "white swallow" she has a white swallow that's rarely visible esp in the sunlight something something hidden in plain sight...

ok these next 2 are very self indulgent. hồng nhật: "red sun" (gritting my teeth) i really wasnt thinking too hard about it, he's a sentimental and sensitive person we going for that sunmoon foiling

minh hải : bright (as in like like but also smart lol) sea. his personality is quite subdued and at first impression seems like a prickly individual, but its clear he cant help caring about others. i always imagine light scattered on the water's surface :') (LIGHT FROM THE SUN???? exactly)

phương anh: its a name that basically sets high expectations for a person that always does the right thing, is upright and principled, with a gentle and caring heart...<- my interpretation. anyways shes the eldest sister so...

xuân: the youngest child of the primordial gods of the land, all their sibs are named after the mountains and rivers, only xuân is named after the fleeting "spring".

lệ ái: "tears of love" OK WELL. basically their story is called "return in spring rain" basically lệ ái and xuân met during the spring rain, they were separated for a long time bc of redacted, but when lệ ái returned, xuân's tears welcomed them. so basically spring rain, or tears of love, brought their reunion...sighs...one day i'll finish this comic

anyways ya these are them! my kids!! thank u sm for the ask waaha this was very fun to think/write about!

#ve sầu song ca

[peachypede]

Hi all.

I haven't been happy lately. I've been thinking a lot about why. Had a little meditation on it this morning. I think my brain is too busy. I've decided to take a break from Tumblr for a week. Possibly more if I feel like it.

I'm deleting Tumblr off my phone for now. Mutuals can still message on Discord. I'm a sahm, I'll go crazy with zero human interaction other than children lol. (If you're a mutual who doesnt have my Discord and you want it, feel free to DM to ask for it. I got notifs on for Dms on Tumblr on my tablet only)

...

There's this constant pressure, almost need? To churn out as much "content" as possible or be buried in the past. Idk if it's just me not being able to do art normally? I used to draw for myself. I used to be self-indulgent. I used to be fine with only my closest online friends seeing my art. I don't know what changed. It makes me feel ill that ive begun seeing my art as "content" that others "consume". I wanna make my art for me again.

I stayed up till 11 pm last night despite having to wake up at any time to feed the baby. Idk why I did it? Maybe I need a med change? Meh.

I've also just been discouraged. I've seen a lot of posts filled with hate lately and I feel like it's infecting me with hatred too. I'm angrier lately and I hate it. (Is there a way to turn off the "for you" page?? Cause all it gives me is bad takes lol.)

I think I need time to be me? To draw art without feeling like I should post it right away. Also it'd be nice to make art without thinking: "what will get the most notes?" I've wanted to do a project with my ocs for months now but I kinda have been putting it off in order to make stuff I think people would like more...like Submas stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love our submas boys and I'm still gonna draw stuff with them but they're not the thing I'm most passionate about now.

So I'm gonna go explore that stuff now with zero social media influence :)

See ya later. ❤️

#peachy rambles #vent post #Idk if it counts as a vent post ???

[sarejima]

what ships do you like??

Sorry this took so long to answer(and that its so long lol). I started watching SP barely 2 months ago so haven't really had the chance to think about it and draw out some pairings yet; this was really helpful to me too!

Stan: don't particularly ship Stan w anyone except maybe Wendy. I love him but he's a bit too actively self-centered. I kinda compartmentalize ships in my head between aesthetics and vibes, and aesthetics-wise I find both Stan and Craig look good w Kenny.

Bunny: idk I just like it. Both are compassionate and sweet and rlly high energy but have qualities the other lacks and could learn from. Kenny is stubborn and indignant- he knows what he wants and isn't concerned with judgement(while never to the detriment of others)- due to Butters' upbringing he foregoes this entirely, although you can tell he wants to change. With both's selflessness and patience they're more than capable of meeting in the middle. Kenny is also really socially adept- he seamlessly rides the flow of conversations which Butters with his naive openness would let sweep him away. This openness however is Butters' greatest strength; he's principled and prone to forgiveness and seeing the good in people, as well as being surprisingly emotionally mature(he also has a not-so-well-hidden crazy side which im sure Kenny would appreciate)

Kyman: Eric is obsessed with Kyle- its more than obvious- obsessed in ways that would rub off on anyone given the his very nature. This shows itself at times that contrast well with the others' indifference. Their personalities fit almost a bit too well- Cartman the passionate sadistic antagonist and Kyle equally so the imposer of morality. They're both leaders and big personalities in their own right and it's clear that Cartman's strong feelings can go both ways so it may just work out.

Creek: still have 6 seasons to go till I get there but it's easy to see how perfect they are- Craig especially needs someone who relies on him and gives him a sense of purpose and a focus for his attention, spicing up his life and saving him from his own listlessness little by little while expanding his comfort zone

(Actually drew this one before lol. I just thought it fit the description)

Token/Tolkien: I rlly love Token- he's compassionate and patient and willing to indulge others- not for the sake of it tho, as he's very grounded and sensible enough to know more or less what will or won't benefit him. He's also extremely loyal and a team player- qualities which make me kinda ship him with Clyde. I love the idea of him having to compensate for or accomodate for the other's (lack of) proactiveness/outgoingness. Clyde's laziness being an excuse for Token to fuss over him and devote time to helping him academically and in general(this also works with Craig). I also kinda ship him with Bebe for the opposite reason- rhe only reason I prefer Clyde however is Token's sensitivity; it may be quite easy for her to take advantage of his kindness(Actually I prefer him w Wendy much for for this)

Thanks for reading if you got to the end of this lol (о´∀`о)

And sorry there are probably spelling mistakes(and that my handwriting sucks lol)

#sp tolkien #sp clyde #kyman #creek #sp bunny #south park hcs #south park #sp fanart #I had way too much fun with this #I’m tired now tho #sorry for the rant #way too long #oopsie

[teddysgrahms]

as far as internalized homophobia goes, 99% sure it’s only cam and Todd who are really going through it with that. It is my personal belief that the Andersons are hardcore zealot Christians and with that of course comes homophobia, meaning Todd has grown up hating himself for something he cannot change, which only worsens his already fragile self-image and confidence.

Cam. there are two wolves inside the dps fandom. one believes cam is unredeemable and homophobic. the other thinks him to be a closeted queer suffering from the effects of the 1950s. both are valid. imagine growing up in the 50s and you are obsessed with succeeding and doing well and being perfect and smart. you are shit at socializing and the slightest suggestion that you yourself may not be straight is enough to send you into a meltdown. much to think about.

The reason I think these two are the only ones afflicted with the home of phobia is because I think:

1) Charlie dalton has known they were queer since like age 11, they’re over the self-hate and now it’s time to be Sexy and Scandalous

2) knox is too stupid to realize he is queer and once he finds out he’s like WHAT? NOOOOOOOO and then he gets over it after like a week

3) meeks aroace king my beloved. doesn’t know how to hate he’s too busy filling his brain with Knowledge

4) pittsie is a little too emotionally inept to both a) realize he’s queer and b) get worked up over it. women? pretty. men? pretty. science? The prettiest

5) and last but certainly not least my babygirl neil…I am such a firm believer that he doesn’t even know he’s gay and he has nothing against gay people because his best friend is charlie fucking dalton and he started tuning out the bullshit from his father’s mouth in middle school. so when he realizes he’s gay, he’s like, “oh. okay.” And then just moves on with his life

Idk these are just my very detailed and self indulgent thoughts about how each of the poets feels about their sexualities and stuff. I could go even further into detail but this shit is already way too long lol xoxo

#dead poets society #dead poets headcanons #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #stephen meeks #gerard pitts #richard cameron #anderperry #dps headcanons

[an-au-blog]

difan is fine by me~

and i gotta say, SO excited by how much thought you've put into these options!! i think impel down is a super compelling choice, wrt the traumas your au buggy has, and making the marineford storyline still work, AND for that shippy agenda of yours (which i am fully in favor of ftr 😍)

i'm having fun imagining the marines announcing the buggy-roger pirates connection to the confusion of everyone on that ship BUT luffy, who did hear from rayleigh the other day about some buggy guy who used to be on the roger crew with shanks—but it didn't occur to luffy that this could also be HIS buggy until just now

alabasta is also a really interesting choice!! is the interest in history something he picked up after getting to know robin, or is it an interest he always had & is now remembering? (like, idk, maybe he recognizes the poneglyph language? and can't READ it, not without years of study and practice, but he thinks he used to know someone who could…?)

Aaa thank you, difan :')

I imagine that, yes, he picked up his love for history from Robin. Other than being the only responsible one adult, she often has a lot of sleepless nights, just like u!Buggy (who gets horrible night terrors). And I think that they would bond over being night owls. Also when she tries to tell him about the poneglyphs or just approached the topic, he reflexively goes "oh, yeah I know that", and then has a "wait... why do I feel like I know about them?" moment.

No, he cannot read them, but he knows more than the average person about them and about other things related to them. Robin thinks someone in the past before his memory loss taught him, or could read them, or maybe even found some of them...

Idk I just love the idea of Buggy being surprisingly smart especially with history (he asked Roger's crew taught him to be smart because he couldn't be strong like Shamks), so I guess it's self indulgence.

About the impel down thing:

Luffy would definitely be like "huh, so you're that Buggy, okay, cool!" Also I believe that all the prisoners would still want to become him devote followers, but he'd have to say goodbye to them because he's no captain, and the only captain he has is Luffy. (Which essentially makes them both respect Luffy immensely and think Buggy is just sooo modest and sooo loyal, committed, modest, etc, etc.)

I'd forgotten that the straw hats meet Rayleigh in the bar before Kuma sent them off and every detection. So I believe that Buggy already had a little talk with him about his life. And by little talk I mean he knows Rayleigh recognized him, and he finds out they've known each other because they both sailed. He refused to tell him more because he should find it for on his own pace.

(I'm gonna push some shuggy, here again lol):

On the way to Marine Ford, when the person on the snail told everyone that he was a part of the Roger pirates and is an associate of Shanks's, he was terrified. He'd never really seen this red-haired Shanks guy, only knows what Luffy had told him and what he's heard from the grapevine. And sure, Luffy praised him, but Luffy was way too trusting and positive. So excuse him for being untrusting towards a complete stranger.

(To give myself an excuse to push them in physical proximity...) Buggy would get swept by the attention and action, and Luffy would be taken by Law's crew by the time Buggy realizes he's gone. That's when Shanks sees him. His long lost friend and the person he was chasing ever since he found out he escaped from his entrapment on his own.

Shanks seems happy to see Buggy, and he seems like the only better option of getting the hell out of Marine Ford, so he takes him up on his offer for a ride back.

Once in the ship, where Shanks doesn't have to keep up appearances, he finally lets himself give Buggy a proper hug and starts telling him how much he's missed him and how worried he's been.

#unclenapped au #I'm I'M PUSHING MY SHUGGY BELIEVES ON ALL OF YOU #YOU CAN'T ESCAPE #shuggy #shuggy au #op #answers