#lol i feel like i’m the worst person to ask about this since ive left this account completely dry for the past 1/3 of a year but

[mercifullymad]

yeah i have ocd too and ive been reading your posts + the ask you answered and man i really really feel it. i was in erp for about two years steady, and i was genuinely able to overcome a few of my less severe obsessions that way, to a large amount of relief. but for my most severe thing, a (very visible, facially) brfb obsession/compulsion that has caused me so much strife and social anxiety for years, i got next to nowhere. even when i would manage to go a handful of days without doing it, i would inevitably lapse - and then feel like absolute shit about it, because i felt like i wasn’t strong enough to win this battle i’d been told i’m fighting. since i have some overlapping perfectionism issues, this cycle was just brutal for my self esteem. then my regular erp therapist retired, and ive been meaning to get back into it but the thought just.. exhausts me. but then i also keep brfb-ing myself and still need help with that. but then erp wasn’t really working on it anyway… it’s really left me feeling like i don’t know what to do. so on the one hand i fully agree with what youre saying about how erp is not necessarily the answer to every o/c and that reassurance is not the Worst Imaginable Thing to offer a person with ocd, but unlike some other compulsions that im sure could be lived with, the thought of going through my whole life doing what i do is… hard lol. socially, mentally, physically hard. anyway i dont mean to just vent at you.. i guess my point is that yeah its just so so so frustrating that erp and fighter mentality is treated as kind of the be all end all solution for ocd right now.

like not to sound like a baby but. im not looking for a fight, im looking for help!! and yeah “only i can save me” or whatever but it feels like ocd is kind of underrepresented in the world of mental illnesses that are/can be utterly debilitating. because its nuts that there is kind of no other treatment suggestion for who are really suffering and simply arent - for whatever reason, temporarily or otherwise - the vigilant mentally tough fighters erp recovery models want us to be. and i dont even mean that in a defeatist or deprecating way, i mean like.. sometimes your ocd makes you depressed! and then, what with the depression and all, you just don’t have it in you for what erp demands. im not a psychologist or anything but man there’s gotta be a better a way

I really relate to and empathize with what you’re saying. I also struggle with a BFRB where I pick at my face and other very visible spots on my body, which increases my already-substantial social anxiety. It is an absolutely brutal cycle for self-esteem, including how you feel “defeated” by not being “strong enough” to be a “OCD fighter.” This is another reason why I don’t like the fight(er) framing around OCD; it makes those who don’t respond to ERP in the prescribed way feel like they have failed, rather than there being a morally-neutral mismatch between the treatment and the individual. 

I do want to ensure we don’t fall into the misconception that critiquing ERP or other “gold standard” treatments for OCD means that the only other option is to learn to live with OCD without attempting to alleviate our suffering or cut back on our compulsive rituals. I have tried, as I’m sure you have, a great many things to try and stop myself from picking (badly) at my face: countless fidget toys, thick press-on nails, NAC pills, pimple patches and hydrocolloid band-aids, reducing my anxiety levels, avoiding mirrors, etc. I doubt I will ever completely eliminate my urge to pick, but I can pick and choose (ha) from what treatments, therapies, and means of harm reduction I find most effective in combination with each other. I can try lots of different things and see what works for me and what doesn’t. And this approach — going in with the assumption that many things won’t work for me, and some will, and neither of those results is a moral reflection of how hard I’m “fighting OCD” — allows me to have a more compassionate and forgiving relationship to myself and my picking. 

You really nail my own feelings when you say “I’m not looking for a fight, I’m looking for help.” This framing of requiring mad/mentally ill people to be “fighters” in order to receive help/treatment is extremely counterintuitive for those of us too depressed to muster up the energy to “fight.” One of the reasons I stopped structured ERP was because I was too depressed to get out of bed, let alone go out into the world and do daily exposures. Like most of the mental health treatment industry, this treatment is not structured for people seriously struggling in more than one area, despite the fact that most people do. 

I agree that there has to be a better way to treat/heal from/live with OCD than the limited options we’re given now, and I believe that creating these “better ways” starts with conversations like this one: talking, sharing, and brainstorming with other mad people and forging new ways of relating to each other and ourselves. I sincerely hope that you’re able to hold compassion for yourself, regardless of whether you “lapse” in picking, and that you’re able to access means of treatment that work best for you as an individual. This is an extremely difficult thing to live with, but thankfully, we don’t have to live with it alone — there is a community ready to commiserate and create with you, regardless of how “successful” you are at “fighting” OCD.

#really appreciated this ask #thank you for enunciating so many things I have felt and still feel myself!! #ask

[oasis-of-you]

Can you motivate me

you got this bestie!!! idk what you’re trying to stay motivated for but like there must be a reason why you want to be motivated so just try to remember that!!

#lol i feel like i’m the worst person to ask about this since ive left this account completely dry for the past 1/3 of a year but #i’m going to try to not leave this hangin

[araragomennnn]

i love you so<3

pairing: tsukishima x reader

genre: FLUFF with a dash of angst, silent pining, SOFT TSUKKI.

warnings: swearing and yn cracks one cringe dirty joke lol.

a/n: no pronouns used but implied female reader. ive made it my personal duty to feed tsukki simps, I kind of bully Kageyama in this so Kageyama simps, sorry about that. I didn't put much time into this so I apologise if this is shit anyways enjoy.

Tsukishima was many things.

But what he was not, was a liar.

Or so he thought.

The words were stuck in his throat not daring to come out, mouth agape but only drawing in air.

So all he did was roll his eyes in response, feigning amusement.

What are you in love with me or something? You had asked mockingly, it was a joke and he knew that. Nevertheless, he wished he had answered.

Technically, he didn’t really lie to you but with the regret trickling into the chambers of his heart as he watched you pick out dresses for your date, it really felt like he did.

It’s selfish, how badly he wanted to reel you back in as you left his grasp when he flat out told you not to go.

“Kei?”

Breaking him out of his train of thought, you looked at the dress in your hand, head tilted in scrutiny.

“Would this look good on me? I heard kageyama really likes black,” you asked, holding the dress in front of your frame,

“what do you think?”

You’d look beautiful even if you wore a pillowcase he wanted to say but then again it wasn’t him that was taking you out on a date.

“I think my arms don’t have the strength to hold another dress” he deadpanned, gesturing at said arms that were clad with heaps of clothes that you hung around his elbows like he was some sort of hanger.

What was supposed to be a small shopping trip for a single dress as anticipated turned into a humungous shopping spree as he being a whole ass athlete failed to keep up with you as you scurried from one aisle to another.

The universe was exceptionally cruel to him today for making him stand here to help you pick out clothes you were going to wear for another man.

But then again though it hurts to say it, he was your best friend.

And like any good best friend does, he stood patiently with your purse in hand, as you handed him clothing after clothing, following you around the store like a lost puppy and occasionally feeling a couple of heartstrings snap as you mentioned Kageyama’s name, bringing him back down to his pathetic reality.

“Ah” you perched your lips, raising your brows as you looked at the clothes tsukishima was carrying, “I forgot about that” you stated, which earned you an unamused stare.

Tsukishima stared at his ceiling as the sound of the clock ticking filled the room. He had more time than he knew what to do with.

His saturday nights were usually spent at your place, cooking pasta and watching movies but well since you were occupied with something or more accurately, someone else. Here he was lying on his empty mattress in his dimly lit room, left to his own devices,

leaving his mind to wander to thoughts about you.

Were you having a good time? Was he treating you well? Did you really like him?

The last thought made his heart sink and somehow hurt more than it already did.

Sighing into his hands, he decided to spare himself the pain and take a nap.

Only 30 minutes into his nap, his phone started to ding violently on his nightstand, the screen lighting up to show a string of notifications.

His eyes snapped open, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance as he groggily reached for his phone, waking up immediately when he read the sender.

Weren’t you on a date? Worry plagued his mind as he unlocked his phone in a haste.

Were you okay? Did something happen?

Mind spinning with the worst case scenario, he gulped thickly as he scrambled to open your chat.

Until he read your texts,

“I’m kinda nervous we don’t really have anything in common”

“shit he’s here“

“He compared the texture of the onigiri to a volleyball?”

“He talking about volleyballs now”

“He’s explaining to me the difference between his mikasa and molten volleyball for some reason”

“He keeps talking about the ‘heaviness of his balls’ I’m barely holding in my laughter”

“Shit I laughed”

“I coughed real quick so he thinks I just choked thank god”

“Anyways”

“I’m outside, it’s freezing in this dress open the goddamn door”

He blinked once, then twice. The words slowly starting to register as his lips tugged into a smile, chest bubbling with laughter at your antics his feet picked up pace as he bolted towards the door, swinging it open.

God, you looked fucking beautiful, especially in that dress.

It hugged your body perfectly, your curves on full display.

You were absolutely stunning.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your date?”

“I told him something came up and left early”

“Why did you do that?”

“Well as I told you the date was kind of a disaster and anyways I’d much rather spend my saturday with you”

He couldn’t hide his smile anymore, stoic facade crumbling almost instantly, his lips curved into a full blown smile as his heart did little flips in his chest.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah yeah shut up” you rolled your eyes, lips tugging into a fond smile.

Letting yourself into his apartment you tossed your coat onto the couch as you made yourself comfortable on it, switching on the television as you skimmed through what to watch on Netflix.

Shutting the door, he turned to you, smile still evident “what about the 4 hour long trip ‘to find the perfect dress’ that you dragged me on?”

You stretched your arms across the top of the couch, leaning your head back as to look at him.

“I kind of just wanted an excuse for you to take me shopping” you stated, lips curved into a toothy grin.

Sighing at your antics, he plopped onto the couch next to you, ignoring the warmth in his chest the way he’s learnt to.

20 minutes into the movie that you picked, you were out.

Slumped against him, your head rested on his shoulder with your arms wrapped around one of his.

He could never get used to how beautiful you were, no matter how many years that passed he was yet to find anything as ethereal as you.

With the light emitting from the tv screen gracing your features, you looked serene he thought, a sight for sore eyes.

It was unfair, the effect you had on him.

Gazing at you with doe eyes, he slowly detached himself from your grasp, accidentally stirring you awake.

Your eyes fluttered open, orbs half-lidded as you incoherently mumbled something.

“Shh go back to sleep” he whispered as your eyes began to shut, returning to your slumber.

Wordlessly he wrapped an arm around your back and the other under your knees, gently lifting you as he made his way to the bed.

He tenderly placed you down, snuggly tucking you in with a sickeningly soft smile, a smile that reaches his eyes and lights up his face as he slowly leans closer, kissing your forehead.

“What are you in love with me or something?” you had asked.

The answer is yes.

Yes, he was.

general taglist: @bokee-hinataa-bokee , @tsumomii,@on-crows-wings.

join the taglist here.

#haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima fanfiction #tsukishima drabbles #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima headcanons #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima angst #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima imagine #hq tsukishima #haikyuu angst #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fic #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu comfort #haikyuu crack #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu hcs #hq crack #hq x reader #hq fluff #hq headcanons

[pennylanefics]

Happy Together - Theo Raeken

a/n: omg this is my first theo fic ever!! i wrote this in like an hour and a half lol. also, this is based on a fic i read a looong time ago that i can’t remember who posted it or when it was posted.

•••

“Where is she!” Theo shouts, stumbling through the hallway. He finds the pack sitting in chairs. Scott and Malia stand defensively, wanting to know why he was here.

“You don’t need to know,” Malia spits. Theo steps back a bit, wondering why they were so hostile.

“Yes I do! She’s my girlfriend!”

“You don’t care about her,” Stiles buts in. Theo glares at the young wolf, his heart racing as he tries to calm down.

“Yes I do!” He repeats.

“She’s still out of it. Just sit, behave, and we’ll hear from the doctor soon,” Scott sighs, telling him. “Her room is right there.” Your boyfriend runs over to the small window and peers into your room. Tears immediately spring to his eyes and he keeps from sobbing out.

You laid in the bed, IVs hooked up to you, eyes closed. You looked at peace and calm, compared to what really happened to you.

An omega wolf attacked you while you were at the creek in the woods. You had enough energy to make it to the main road, and that’s when someone driving by spotted you and took you to the hospital.

It was a rare attack of a wolf during the day, which is what caught the pack’s attention.

Theo plops down in a chair furthest away from the pack, his knee bouncing up and down nervously. He kept his eyes on you through the window, waiting for the moment you awake and he can run into your room and take your pain.

It’s an agonizing day, and hours later, now nighttime, you wake up from surgery and groan out in pain.

“Melissa?” You whimper. She steps over to the bed and smiles.

“It’s nice to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“It hurts,” you groan, wincing as you move slightly. “What happened again?”

“You were attacked by an omega wolf. Scott and everyone are trying to figure out why a wolf would attack during the day. You are in the right direction to recover, but there will be deep scarring on your sides where the scratches were deep. They also got your thighs and back. So be careful moving, you have stitches all over the left side of your body.”

“How long have I been out?” She checks the clipboard at the foot of your bed and flips through the papers.

“Looks like you came in at around 2:30, went in for surgery immediately, got out at about two hours later, and it’s now eight. So about four hours since you got out of surgery.”

“Is Theo here?” She smiles and glances out the window at Theo, slumped in his chair, lazily watching the TV in the waiting room. The rest of the pack was either asleep on one another, or had gone home.

“He’s been here since we called him after you got out of surgery. I called him personally to let him know because Scott, Stiles, and Liam refused to call him.” You chuckle weakly and rub your eyes.

“Can you tell him to come in here?” You ask.

“Of course. Just him?”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna see anyone else yet.” She leaves the room and when Theo notices her presence, he shoots up immediately. He is wide awake now, and when Melissa asks him to come with her, he can feel the angry stares from the others. But he ignores them and follows her.

When he sees you, he sobs out within seconds. Melissa leaves you two alone and stays out in the hall to talk with Scott and the others.

Theo pulls a chair up next to your bed and grabs your hand.

“Holy shit,” he gasps out, wiping his face, making you laugh.

“I’m okay,” you murmur, reaching up to wipe his cheeks away for him. He leans into your touch and hums.

“You look rough. In the nicest way possible,” he tells you.

“Yeah. Being attacked by a wolf isn’t going to make me look like a movie star, is it?” He laughs this time and tightens his grip on your hand. You watch as his veins turn black and his breathing staggers. You sigh out in relief and relax, a majority of the pain disappearing.

“Thank you,” you whisper, eyes falling shut in content. Theo leans down to press a kiss to the back of your hand and up your arm to where the IV sat.

“Seeing you in pain is literally the worst thing.”

The entire time you two were talking, Scott was listening between the conversation and Theo’s heartbeat. Stiles was on him about what you two were talking about, but he refused to share information like that.

“Come on, Scott!” Liam begs. “He has to be saying some nonsense.”

“He’s not,” the Alpha says, zeroing in on Theo’s heartbeat after he hears you giggle. “His heartbeat is steady besides a few skips in it when she laughs, says something, or touches him.”

“He could be good at hiding his heartbeat!” Stiles says. Scott shakes his head.

“I can tell when supernaturals try to hide their heartbeats. This isn’t the same.”

The pack watches you two interact more and more, and this time, Malia says something.

“I’ve never seen her smile like that. Her heartbeat also shows how much she cares for him.”

“Guys! Are you hearing what you’re saying!” Stiles yells. Scott and Malia exchange glances.

“Stiles, calm down.”

“No! How can you not trust this guy! He killed you, he manipulated all of us, and he lied about everything!”

“He apologized and owned up to everything! And who knows, he probably could have fallen for her. He knows she’s not a supernatural, so-”

“But he knows she’s close to you and the pack as a whole,” Stiles interrupts him.

“Stiles!” Scott roars. Stiles shuts up immediately. “He just told her he loves her.” The group falls silent.

“He did?” Liam wonders. Scott nods and focuses on your conversation.

“She loves him too.” He smiles after hearing the sincerity in both of your voices. You two share a sweet kiss, and he can hear both of your heart beats speeding up due to it.

“They’re happy together, and that’s all that should matter.” Malia smiles at you two and agrees with Scott.

“You really love me?” You whisper to Theo, head tilted to the side out of exhaustion. He nods and squeezes your hand.

“I do. And I know trusting me probably isn’t easy, but I don’t joke around when it comes to relationships and feelings. I’ve been hurt too many times in the past, that’s not a joke to me.”

Your hand threads through his hair as his eyes fall closed, sleep taking over him as well.

Melissa walks in to check up on you one final time before going home.

“Theo, you’re more than welcome to stay here with her,” she tells your boyfriend. Theo smiles and stands, looking around for a place to sleep.

“Oh, you can sleep in the bed with her. It’s big enough. As long as you stay on her right side and don’t rub any of her stitches. And no dirty business!” You three share a laugh and Theo kicks his shoes off.

“I will be back tomorrow morning, (Y/N). Overnight, Elise will take care of you. I told her Theo would be staying with you, so she’s not alarmed to see a random man in bed with you.” A giggle escapes your lips as Theo waits for her to leave.

When she finally does, Theo closes the blinds for the windows and turns the small TV on so there is a source of light in the room. He removes his shirt and sets it on the chair, keeping his pants on since they weren’t jeans, so he was pretty comfortable.

Once he was comfortable, he helps you turn on your side and curl into his chest, feeling the warmth and security he always offers.

“Thank you for staying with me,” you grin. He kisses your forehead and his hand behind you rubs the back of your neck.

“Of course, baby. If I wasn’t able to stay in here, I would’ve slept in the waiting room.”

Silence falls between you two and your pain was slowly starting to come back, now that you were laying in a different position. Theo senses this right away and grabs your wrist to take it away.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself with how much pain you’re taking,” you sigh and fall against his chest.

“I don’t care. You’re my girl, and you don’t deserve to be in pain. And I hate seeing it.”

“I love you, Theo.” You fall asleep moments later, but not before Theo kisses across your forehead and rests his cheek against it.

“I love you too, darling.”

#theo raeken #theo raeken imagines #theo raeken imagine #theo raeken x reader #teen wolf #cody christian #teen wolf imagines #imagines #fanfiction #fanfic

[soudamism]

not in that way

authors note: okay so this was like my very first request ever so i was very scared writing it because i didn’t wanna make any mistakes. it was kinda based on this song by sam smith so the italics are the song lyrics. i also wasn’t sure how to end it so i left it open to interpretation. also again lol, there might be grammatical errors and spelling mistakes so i apologize for that. there’s a mention of animal crossing in here but ive never really played it before so i apologize again if it’s somehow inaccurate. AH sorry for this super long authors note, there’s just so much i wanna explain since this is my first actual post. i write everything on mobile because i don’t have a working computer so please let me know if something is off or not working! i’m still pretty new to tumblr as well. i really hope there’s a “read more” option because this is a lot more than expected. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ themes: sfw, non despair au, high school au, angsty, kinda unrequited love?

“i’d never ask you

cause deep down i’m certain i know

what you’d say.”

it was around lunch time when y/n finally mustered up the courage to tell her long time friend, hajime, how she felt about him. to her, he was more than just the simple boy everyone made him out to be. she had made a mental note of the pros and cons of confessing to him.

cons - he rejects her in front of everyone.

pros - he reciprocates her feelings and they live happily ever after.

but life isn’t a fairytale and true love doesn’t exist. yn made her way to the courtyard only to see hajime and their shared friend, chiaki, having a conversation. she saw how happy he looked with her, why did he never smile like that when they were together? yn opted to wait until the school day ended to confess, throughout the rest of the day her head was filled with the worst outcomes of her confession. as she was finishing up the last scenario in her head; the school bell rang, startling her out of her daydreaming state. she gathered her things and made her way to hajime’s locker. “it’s now or never” she thought before placing herself in front of him. “hey yn!” he said to her with a small smile. “i need to tell you something really important” she says as she exhales the deep breath she’s been holding in. hajime finished collecting the things from his locked and nods, waiting for her to go on. “i like you, but more than you think. you could even say that i love you” she giggles nervously. hajime stands before her, eyes slowly widening. you’d say ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ “i’m sorry. believe me. i love you, but not in that way” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ he gives her a guilty smile and walks away, leaving her alone in the now empty hallway. he shouldn’t feel this guilty right? i mean they’d still remain friends even if he didn’t feel the same. he didn’t wanna wallow in pity for the rest of the night, so when he got home he logged onto his console to play some animal crossing. seeing that chiaki was online, they went talking about their days and hajime brought up yn. explaining how he hopes that he didn’t ruin their friendship. “i just hope there isn’t any awkwardness between us” he types in the chat. “i just don’t feel the feelings that i feel for her when i’m with you” he regrets sending that immediately. “hajime” she begins “that was probably one of the stupidest things you could have done”. he stares at the screen with a look of confusion. before he could even say anything else, chiaki’s fingers fly across the buttons typing out how yn is such a beautiful person and how he shouldn’t have taken her love for granted. hajime goes to say something but chiaki leaves before he can even type out a word. leaving hajime all alone on his island, still confused and trying to figure out what just happened. chiaki sits on her bed, staring at the now powered off device, replaying what hajime said over in her head. why would he say that? doesn’t he know how hard it’s been for her to get yn to notice her? how she isn’t like either of them and she can’t just blurt out how she feels for the girl who has feelings for their friend. after sitting and thinking for a few minutes, she pulls out her phone and calls the contact that ends with a “♡”. after two rings, the other line picks up with a small “hello?”. chiaki thinks of what to say and can’t seem to find any words except for “yn, i like you”. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ©️ all content belongs to soudamism 2021. do not repost without permission or modify at all.

#🐇. requests #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #chiaki namani #chiaki x reader #chiaki nanami x reader #hajime hinata #hajime x reader #hajime hinata x reader #danganronpa angst #angst #🧸. drabbles #would this be considered a drabble?

[xofanfics]

String - Part V

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI

Genre: angst, fluff, suggestive themes

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader FT. SEHUN

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

If you had to list the emotions you felt after that night, you could fill a notebook with words and phrases and maybe even some sentences. You’d start with words like anger, despair and hopelessness. You could also write words like idiot and stupid and failure. You could fill it with curses in English and in Spanish because Evie taught you how to curse like her uncle in Puerto Rico.  You could write how much you hated Baekhyun and how he was a stupid asshole who pulled you along on a string for weeks and about how selfish he was for not telling you how he felt. You could write about yourself and how everytime something good came into your life it was pulled away from you like candy from a baby. And how unfair life had been to you, that you couldn’t believe that you liked someone for the first time in a while and you seemed so close to having the perfect relationship with Baekhyun.

“Just casual sex between two people when we needed to get off, mutual entertainment!”

“You deserve someone whose heart skips a beat when you smile...like yours used to do to me...”

You’d never felt more defeated or stupid in your life. You weren’t the luckiest person in the world and you’d experienced a few heartbreaks in your life but this had to be the worst. And the worst part of this heartbreak in particular was that you weren’t even together yet this one hurt the most.

You’d poured your heart, with all its energy, into this idea of being with Baekhyun. Even though you got confirmation that Baekhyun had chosen someone else you had questions about who that person was. Who was she and where the fuck did she come from and what did she have over you? Whoever she was didn’t matter. No matter what, you hated her. Even if she was an angel sent down from the heavens above you didn’t care; you still hated her.

* Baekhyun hated himself. He never meant to hurt you or lead you on. It wasn’t an excuse, it just...happened. Things just ended up like that and he knew that everything that had happened up until this point was his own fault. He made this mess. Your feelings spilled all over the floor and he wasn’t sure how to clean it up.

As you walked away, he wanted to stop you. He wanted to apologize, to say something to you. He knew that he hurt you and he knew there were a few things in that confrontation that he could’ve left out… Like the part where he said, “You deserve someone whose heart skips a beat when you smile...like yours used to do to me…” That was stupid. Why did he say that? He was feeling attacked and, honestly he felt hurt even though he had no right to be, he took out his frustrations on you. In the moment, he wanted to hurt you like you were hurting him.

He fucked up and he knew that there was no way you’d ever forgive him. He was drunk and he knew it was no excuse for how he behaved or the things he said that he couldn’t take back but he regretted it all.

He dragged himself back to that bar, mostly just to get his wallet from the table. Part of him wondered if you’d go back to the bar and drink more but he knew that you wouldn’t. When you needed space, you walked around. And he knew that you probably never wanted to see his face again. So he knew that when he got there you wouldn’t be.

As he walked into the bar, you were nowhere in sight. His friends were at the table and looked up as he approached.

“Where’s Y/N?” asked Evie.

“We had a fight and now she hates me,” Baekhyun said, putting his wallet in his pocket.

“Jesus, Baekhyun,” she said, standing up and grabbing her phone. “If you didn’t want to be her boyfriend, fine, but the least you could’ve done was be her fucking friend!”

Evie stormed off, leaving a very angry and uncomfortable aura, Sadie running behind her. Baekhyun sat down next to Daren and Drew quietly. “Well now Evie hates me, too.” Baekhyun picked up the beer that Evie didn’t finish and took a gulp from it. “Cheers.”

Drew watched with confused brows. “What the hell just happened?” * Baekhyun woke up without a hangover thanks to his friends encouraging him to drink water instead of buying another drink to deal with his problems. He told them everything that happened, sometimes giving a little too much information, from when the time Baekhyun first had sex with you up to meeting Kira again to the argument he’d had with you. There was a point where he even cried a little. They didn’t judge him too much but they did tell him that he should’ve told you sooner, when he started having doubts. But he already knew that.

He woke up and reached for his phone. He checked desperately for a message from you but he didn’t find it. His friends tried to stop him from calling and texting you and he supposed it was a good idea. If anything, the conversation might go a little better if you were sober.

He sighed and went into the kitchen for some water. Last night’s events replayed in his head, making him feel even worse than he already did as he poured water into a glass. He took a huge gulp in the hopes that he’d wash those negative feelings away. Unfortunately, it didn’t. He couldn’t take last night back and he was still an asshole.

He retreated back into his room and plopped on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He had a million things he wanted to say to you but he didn’t know how angry at him you were. His phone vibrated and he picked it up to find a text from Kira but not you.

Kira [11:03AM] : Good morning! Hope you slept okay. How was boys’ night?

[11:03AM] : Morning! No hangover, so that’s good :)

He picked up his phone again, clicking on your contact name to call you. The phone rang and rang. He called two more times but you didn’t answer. The third time, he decided to text you instead. Maybe you’d respond to a text instead of a phone call. He’d rather you at least read what he had to say, if anything, even if you didn’t respond.

[11:11AM] : Y/N, I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. I know that I can’t take back the things I said last night but some of it, I didn’t mean. I was getting upset and I said all the wrong things. I just want to talk to you when we’re sober. Can we please talk things over? * Even two weeks later, you still found your thoughts being invaded by Baekhyun. You’d ignored his texts, opting to read the previews instead. He left you a voicemail the other day that you hadn’t listened to because you didn’t want anything to do with him. You wanted him to be erased from your life. What was worse is that you still liked him. Your heart still dropped every time you got a notification from him and you couldn’t stand him unknowingly having this much power over you.

You spent the past two weeks avoiding Baekhyun like the plague. Thankfully you didn’t have classes with him this semester so the chances of running into him on campus was low. To further prevent any run-ins with him, you avoided the cafeteria and the library and the campus bookstore. Most importantly, you avoided the pool because you knew that Baekhyun liked to use the pool and you avoided the gym just in case he’d decide to go there.

You even avoided your friends a little, always careful to confirm whether or not Baekhyun would be there. And when you decided to hangout with the girls, you made sure it was away from campus or at your apartment.

The last time you saw them Evie said, “He’s really sorry, Y/N. I’m not saying this because I’m taking sides. I’m just saying that maybe you should at least hear what he has to say…”

And you ignored her because you didn’t want to. Hell, you didn’t need Baekhyun, period. You didn’t care what he had to say. Or maybe that was just what you had decided to convince yourself for the time being.

You didn’t feel like spending another Saturday alone with your thoughts. You didn’t want to hang out with your friends from school so you started thinking about other people you could hang out with. For a second, you thought of Sehun. You shook your head, pushing the thought of him away. It had been a month, if not more, since you met him. Would he even remember you? Would he text you back if you texted him right now? What if he was busy? You picked your phone up, deciding that it was worth a shot.

[4:26PM] : Hey, it’s Y/N. Are you free today?

Upon sending it, you almost wished you hadn’t. There was no way he’d respond. It had been so long since you even saw him last. You put the phone down, deciding to do something else instead of stressing out over a text you probably wouldn’t get. You decided to make a cup of tea to ease your mind. You waited for the water in the kettle to boil, staring at the kitchen counter mindlessly. Your thoughts shifted back to Baekhyun but you decided that you spent enough time thinking about him when he was clearly seeing someone else. You sighed and poured the boiled water into your black tea. Enough was enough, you decided, putting your mug on your nightstand.

You glanced at your phone for a few seconds before you looked away, toward your TV. A moment later, you looked at the phone again. You had a staring contest with your phone until you couldn’t take it anymore and gave into temptation, picking up the phone. What you didn’t expect to see was a text message from Sehun.

Sehun [4:29PM] : Only if you’re kind of single ;)

You chuckled at his reply. He was so petty.

[4:35PM] : Definitely single now lol.

Sehun [4:37PM] : You’re in Brooklyn, right? How quickly can you get ready?

* You found yourself walking down a colorful Williamsburg street to meet Sehun. You felt nervous and excited at the same time. You felt bad for taking this long to contact him and you were honestly surprised that he even wrote you back at all. When you texted him, you didn’t even expect a text back. Sehun must’ve been very interested in you to put up with something like that. Because if it had been you, the feeling wouldn’t have been the same.

You were excited because you had finally stopped moping around about Baekhyun. You’d be lying to yourself if you said that you still weren’t upset. But enough was enough. There was no reason for you to stay in this Saturday being bored and miserable by yourself. Why not spend time with a man who had shown initiative and appreciated your company.

You found Sehun on a bench outside the bar. He wasn’t paying attention when you were crossing the street, so you saw him before he saw you. He was scrolling on his phone, his leg crossed over the other. As you approached him, he looked up. Seeing you, he smiled.

“Hey,” you said.

He stood up. “Hey...I thought we could grab a drink and talk a little before dinner. There’s this place around the corner I heard is really good.”

You smiled. “Lead the way.”

And with that, he opened the door for the bar. For a Saturday, the bar wasn’t as crowded as it could be. Sehun took a seat at the bar and you sat down next to him. Sehun grabbed the drink menu and handed it to you.

He said, “What kind of drinks do you like?”

With a hum, you replied, “Something a little sweet but not too sweet. What about you?”

“Something strong.”

“That sounds about right.”

The bartender came over with two glasses of water. “Right now, we have a special deal going on. It’s buy one, get one free for select drinks on this menu.” He put a small piece of paper between you, listing all the drinks that were eligible for the deal.

“Will we get drunk?” you asked, glancing at the drinks.

The bartender winked. “I make a pretty strong mojito…” * You felt like a bird being freed from its cage, finally able to set your wings to fly toward a more achievable future. The dreams you’d had of Baekhyun seemed more like a far off memory. Was this what you needed all along? To just forget about him and to focus on yourself? You felt better than you had in weeks. And even though you were on your second drink, you didn’t feel like it mattered.

Sehun didn’t ask about why you didn’t call or text him before. He could’ve asked about it but he chose not to. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he was happy that you’d even texted him before. If you’d been in his shoes, you would’ve been upset about it. You would’ve wondered what you did wrong and if he was even interested in the first place or worse, you would’ve thought that he was playing with you like a video game hooked up to his TV. But no, Sehun kept it simple and you appreciated it.

The more you talked to Sehun, the more you realized you had in common. It was just like the first time you met him in the bar where you talked about any and everything. You noticed small things about him the more you spoke. He nodded often when you were talking and he folded his hands together on the table in between the sips of his mojito. He was the type of person who got distracted easily, glancing every time someone walked in or out of the bar.

You learned that he graduated from Pratt Institute with a degree in video production. He loved cameras and all the things that they could do. He could see the beauty in a photo, in a video, that others couldn’t. Sehun showed you some of the pictures and videos he’d taken. You thought it was amazing that he was so passionate about it and that he talked with such enthusiasm.

Sehun smiled at you. “You know, I had to force myself to go talk to you that day…” He chuckled. “I felt like I was fighting with myself. I thought to myself ‘You have nothing to lose, go talk to her!’ And eventually I did.”

You returned his smile. “What made you want to talk to me?”

“You just looked like you weren’t having a good time...You know, one of those nights where your friends drag you out with them when, in reality, you’d rather be at home watching Netflix. You looked like that. You were frowning like this.” He imitated you, poking his lips out in a pout.

“I don’t pout like that!” you said nudging him.

He laughed and, a second later, so did you. “I’m actually pretty shy...but I don’t know, I feel like I don’t have to be shy around you.”

You felt your stomach grumble. The two of you had been so caught up in the drinks and conversation that you’d completely forgotten about eating. “Not to cut you off but are you starting to get hungry?”

His eyes widened. “Shit, I’m sorry. Yeah, let’s get food.”

Sehun quickly paid the bill and it wasn’t long before you were leaving the bar. Sehun lead the way. “There’s this pizza place that’s not too far away but it’s much better than those dollar slices, I promise.”

“So basically fancy pizza?”

“Pretty much.” * The pizza was amazing and so was Sehun. You hadn’t felt this connected to someone in a while. Sehun wasn’t as loud or outgoing as Baekhyun but you liked that about him. The two of you seemed to balance each other out. But the best part was that the conversation never got boring and you never felt the need to escape as you had with other guys you’d tried dating before. It was refreshing to go out with him. It felt new and spontaneous.

You’d just gotten off of the train. Sehun insisted that he take you home. He said, “There are a lot of strange people outside. I want to make sure you get home safe.” So, here he was. You were a couple blocks away from your building.

You said, “I had a really good time tonight…”

“Me too,” he said. “I’m glad you texted me. I didn’t think you would.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Things were complicated back then,” you said. Then, you let out a sigh. “You probably think I’m an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole. When you gave me your number, I knew things were complicated,” he replied. “Did you figure everything out?”

You nodded. “I think so.”

“That’s good,” he said, looking both ways before crossing the street. There was a moment of silence; the only thing you could hear were your shoes hitting the pavement.

“What’s your intention?” you asked, with your eyebrows raised. Though Sehun was a nice guy you wanted to know what he was trying to do with you. Before you got too invested, it was better to ask now rather than later. It was a valid question, right?

Sehun stopped on the corner. “I’m not trying to go with you up to your apartment if that’s what you’re asking me...I wanna take things slow, get to know you first. If it works out between us, I would want to date. I’m more of a relationship person. I don’t like sleeping around.” You nodded, mulling it over. No one had ever approached you like this. Men either definitely wanted to fuck or definitely wanted to date. And Sehun seemed to be closer to wanting to date. “Besides, I think you deserve way more than just some guy who only wants to fuck you.”

The last thing he said stuck with you. It seemed like that sentence would remain with you, sticking to you like glue. Sehun always seemed to say something that made you question yourself and wonder what the hell you were doing. It almost seemed as if Sehun knew about your situation with Baekhyun, though it was obviously just a coincidence.

You approached your building and came to a stop at the door. “Thank you for taking me home.”

Sehun nodded. “It’s one in the morning. You shouldn’t be alone. This street is too dark.”

You smiled, a nervous feeling bubbling up in your core. “We should hang out again.”

“Are you free this week?”

“Yeah. I don’t have anything planned on Friday.”

The corners of his mouth went up into a grin. “Sounds good.”

“Goodnight, Sehun.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Sehun waved as you walked into your building, disappearing through the front door. He hoped that this worked out because, like you, he hadn’t felt like this about someone in a long time. And he had a good feeling about you.

You took a shower when you got upstairs, washing away the sweat and dirt from a pretty hot day. When you got out, you laid on the bed in your towel. You picked up and found that Baekhyun had replied to your Instagram story photo that you’d taken of the pizza. At the time, you felt like being petty so you made sure you got Sehun’s watch in the shot. You wanted him to know that you were moving on, that you were capable of having a love life. He commented with heart eye emojis and you knew it was his way of making his presence know, of trying to slide back into your life somehow.

You sighed, annoyed that you’d come home from such a good date and then Baekhyun had to ruin it. You hadn’t really thought about him tonight, aside from when you posted on Instagram, and he popped in to remind you that there were still some unresolved issues. You knew that you couldn’t run from him forever. Your friends understood that you were upset but they thought you should hear him out, at least, to get closure and move on.

You decided to listen to the voicemail Baekhyun left you. Maybe it would give you the closure you needed.

“Y/N...I know you’re ignoring me so I figured this is the best way to talk to you. First of all, I wanted to say that I’m sorry...for the things I said to you that night. I was harsh and I was being a coward, waiting until I was drunk to tell you the truth. It was something only an asshole would do so, uh, I guess that makes me an asshole. I’m sorry for leading you on for all this time. I just want you to know—and I don’t know if you’ll believe this or not—that I had every intention of dating you officially when I came back from Korea. It’s just recently I realized that I have feelings for someone else. And I’m sorry that I avoided talking about it and that it hurt you. Most importantly, I’m sorry for hurting you. I consider you a close friend and I ruined things between us. I’m sorry, Y/N. You don’t have to forgive me and we don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I just hope that one day we can at least be friends. Um, take care, Y/N…”

If anything, this voicemail made your feelings more complicated.

***

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#baekyun x reader #sehun x reader #exo fluff #exo angst #exo smut #exo imagines #exo reactions #exo fanfic #fwb! baekhyun #sehun angst #sehun fluf #sehun smut #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun smut #baekhyun scenarios #sehun scenarios #baekhyun imagines #sehun imagines #kpop angst #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop imagines

[bellasweetwriting]

Memories

Jess Mariano x f.Reader

(not my gif)

masterlist

requests:  “omg please please PLEASE do a jess mariano x reader with the enemies to lovers prompt that says “ive accepted my feelings now accept yours” i can’t remember the number lol but hope that helps!” -- holiwould

“ okay bet. jess mariano x reader except the reader feels like jess is kinda slipping out of control and away from her and she can’t keep fixing his mistakes and they maybe break up or something? idk ab the ending that up to you ” - holiwould

note: this is a mix between the two requests, the song Miss You by Louis Tomlinson, and When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars. If you haven’t heard them listen to them while you read

warnings: yelling, some trauma, most angst, kissing

word count: 2,3k

He was staring at your picture. Your hair was a little bit shorter than it is now. You were wearing this wine tone of lipstick that the employee of Sephora recommended to you. He remembered that time you kissed his cheek as he said goodbye just for him to walk six blocks with your lips marked on his face,

Damn, he missed you.

He missed your laughter, your suggestions for movie nights that always involved either Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling. So much you loved them, and he knew that; he was jealous of them even.

Could he drink his memories away? Damn it, he needed to erase you from his thoughts. Everything reminded him of you. Every song on the radio was about you. 

His pride, his ego, his arrogance, caused you to walk away from him the moment he needed you the most. 

"Jess!" You exclaimed as he lifted you up and threw you to the pool, jumping next. "Why did you do that?"

You were both staying at Jess's friend's house after a celebration party for your new book, which was just published. You and Jess went outside to the backyard and walked around the swimming pool when he decided it would be funny to throw you to the water. 

After seeing you battle to get to the surface, he jumped too, holding his laughter until his head was above the water, staring at you with a big cocky smile. 

You threw water and him while you took off your favorite shirt since you didn't want the chemicals of the pool to ruin it. You left it by the side of the swimming pool where just a few seconds ago you were standing unaware that you would end up in the water.

Jess glanced at you, not being able to ignore that your shirt was gone and your bra was visible. He smiled foolishly, not being able to help it. 

"Stop looking at me, you horn dog," you exclaimed laughing, as you splashed him, Jess tossing water back at you. "Was this your master plan? To throw me to the pool in the middle of the night and froze me to death just to see my underwear?" He laughed even louder, and you couldn't help to join him, letting out a giggle. "You have no game, Mariano."

"You look just so darn cute when you are mad, Y/N," he said with that tone of his. His deep voice stumbled in your brain as you sat down on the edge of the swimming pool. He swam quickly in your direction, impulsing himself out of the water and sitting next to her. "Did the cold pass?"

"No, I'm just trying a new blue tone in my lips. Does it suit me?" You sarcastically asked as he stretched his arm and grabbed his jean jacket, covering your shoulders with it. "Oh, what a gentleman. Is this your new move, because I'm falling for it. I want you, I need you. Oh, baby, oh, baby." Jess chuckled as you simply rolled your eyes, putting on Jess's jacket correctly. "Aren't you cold, Cry-Baby Walker?" 

"I've been worst. Those cold nights in New York City, only covered by a blanket and the constant screaming of the adults in the room at the end of the hall, were the coldest nights and roughest nights," he murmured before looking at you. You were shooked as you listened to him, but soonly upset when he started laughing. "You sometimes say a joke and never know if it is trauma until you see the look on people's faces."

"Asshole," you mumbled.

"Pretty," he replied, making you look at him. He slowly leaned in until he was close to your lips before whispering next to them, "I know a way to warm up." And with that, he kissed you gently, running his fingers through your wet hair, instantly warming you up.

"Hey, Jess!" Yelled some guy, grabbing the guy's attention.

Suddenly, he wasn't at that swimming pool anymore. He was at the bar again, filled with these stupid friends he made in this new city. If you saw him right now, you wouldn't even recognize him.

He was wearing a leather jacket and some old jeans, with an edition of The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand on his pocket, a book he wasn't able to finish yet. He had in his hands your photograph next to that old vintage restaurant three blocks away from where you work. You described it as that colorful coffee shop with strawberry smoothies and a cute place to read a book or spend time with people you care about.

"Mariano," his friend called him again, appearing with two glasses of beer and sitting next to the writer. "What are you doing crying over here? We are having a party in your honor, man. It is not an everyday thing that your books get a review on the Washington Post, and make it to the Best-Sellers list. What's up with you?"

"Today is her birthday." His friend looked at him, confused. The clock had just marked midnight. "It's her birthday, and I'm in fucking New York City, getting drunk with people I met three weeks ago and staring at a picture that was taken a year ago."

No matter what this strange guy that he calls friend just to lie at himself to hide that he is, in reality, alone would say. He missed you.

"Don't make so much noise, Mariano!" You yelled at him in a whisper, both of you watching their steps as they enter his apartment. "Your neighbors are trying to sleep."

"I feel so sorry for them already," was the reply you got from Jess as he closed the door behind him and started kissing you, leading your way to the couch. "Who could say that I would be making out little Y/N someday?"

"Did you just call me «little Y/N»?" You questioned, laughing between kisses. "Hey, so I was thinking..."

"Think, no talk," he interrupted you as both of you sat on the couch.

"Wait, it is important," you said again, making him give up and listen to you. "Ok, so tomorrow, as you know, is my birthday..."

"What?" Jess exclaimed. "You never told me it was your birthday tomorrow! Now, I'll have to cancel my plans. Wait a sec..."

You looked at him, confused. Plans?

"Jess, I told you tomorrow was my birthday, like five times. With whom did you make plans tomorrow?"

"Wel, Jack, Fred, and Gabs. We were going out to the movies or some. Let me call Fred and tell him."

"Gabs as in Gabriella? Your ex?" He nodded. "You could've told me."

"Why? She's ancient history, and you aren't my girlfriend."

You quickly stood up, making him look over his cellphone to you. You didn't look happy, you seemed really upset.

"What are we doing here, Jess?"

"What do you mean?"

"For how long have we been hooking up? A month? Six weeks?" He knew where this was going. "At what are we playing here?"

"I don't know. You want to be something serious, I don't understand."

"That is precisely the thing I'm talking about, Jess. You never know anything. You never communicate! You have no idea how to express yourself or even how to treat a person that cares about you."

Jess sighed.

"What do you want from me, Y/N, huh?"

"I want you to care for someone at least once, Jess! I want you to remember things like my birthday or my favorite things or the way I like my coffee because you want to remember; because you care about me. We aren't teenagers anymore, Jess! You are grown enough to know that relationships are built by communication."

The writer quickly stood up, ready to discuss. 

"I care about you, Y/N!"

"No, you don't..." she whispered. "You can't even admit that you like me. That what you feel for me is more than making out because of boredom." He looked over to the big window with the view of Philadelphia. "Your birthday is on March 9th. You tend to forget to carry a pencil with you, and surprisingly, you are always in need of one, so I always carry one in my bag. When you meet someone, you stay extremely quiet while they talk and don't even say goodbye to them when you leave, and I've always told you that that is extremely rude, but you don't listen, you change the subject." 

His eyes met yours, and he noticed the tears that were threatening to leave your eyes. 

"You like french toasts," you continued, "but not with your coffee, so I always serve you orange juice when I make them for breakfast. Your eyes shine every time your uncle calls to tell you that he is doing fine because even if you don't admit it, you love him and appreciate him so much. And I remember all of those little details because I care about you, Jess. Hell, call me idiotic and girl for even thinking that maybe... I'm in love with you. But I'm worth more than this, Jess, I am. And if you can't see it, then it is no my problem. I am done trying just to release I am doing it alone. I've accepted my feelings, now accept yours. Bye, Jess."

And with that, you left.

"Then what are you doing here?" The guy asked Jess, dragging him away from his memories.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked.

"You are clearly not over this chick, you don't want to be in this party even though it is kinda in your honor, and it's her birthday. So, just leave. Go get her.

"How would I be certain she'll receive me with open arms?"

"You don't, man, that's the thing about love: you never know what is going to happen until you take the leap of faith."

He was right. He has always been scared of making the big jump. He has always been insecure about if anyone is going to be waiting to catch him. He couldn't keep making the same mistake over and over, he had to accept his feelings.

"I'm gonna go now. Thanks for the party, man."

Jess Mariano has never been more sure about something that what he was about to do. It was absurd. He was going to drive for an hour and a half in the middle of the night to Philadelphia. Yeah, sounded insane, but everything was about taking that leap of faith he was always scared to make.

But as soon as he hit the road, the doubts and questions hit his head like a train. What was he going to do? How would it end?

He was a writer. Every time he had an idea, the next thing that he knew was how it was going to end. You can't write a story without knowing the ending. But apparently, that was the only way of living it.

While he was driving to Philadelphia, you were sitting on your kitchen island, staring at that red velvet cupcake that held your single birthday candle. You were all alone, the same way you were your last birthday. You couldn't believe a year has passed since the last time you saw him.

You read that his book made the best-sellers list of the week. As soon as you read his name, the memories came back, as they have never left, they were just hiding inside a locked box waiting to come out.

Jess Mariano messed with your life in a way you could have never imagined. You were in love with him, and he never prooved you, he felt the same way with you. Jess wasn't even slipping away from you, you knew Jess always had a footstep out of the door, and you tried to ignore it, but it was almost impossible. Once he was in your life, he was in your life forever.

You blew the little candle, ate your cupcake, and went to sleep, not knowing that two hours later, you'll wake up by the sound of the doorbell. Who could be at two am in the morning? Your friends were going to come to prepare you breakfast, but a seven-hours head start was too much, even for them. 

"What's going on?" You sleepily asked as you opened the door, looking at Jess standing there. "Mariano? What are you doing here?"

"Your headaches are provoked by strong smells. You ran away from home at 18, but I've seen you call your parents from now and then to check on them. Your eyes light up at the mention of sugar. You have this Victoria Secret perfume that you stole from your aunt, and you never used it, you just like to spray it on the air and inhale it, because she smelled like that and you miss her. You used to be addicted to gum, so much that your mom had prohibited you from ever buying it. You love watching people renovate their houses on HGTV, and you make plans on how you are going to remodel your place. You love strawberries covered in chocolate, and you cry at the movies. And I remember all of these, even if it has been a year because I care about you, Y/N. And I couldn't say it back then because I was scared, but now I'm not. Now, I am the guy for you. I know how much you are worth it, I knew since the day I met you." He took a deep breath. "Please, Y/N, let me prove it to you that I can be the guy you need."

What would you say if Jess Mariano was standing in your doorstep, begging for a second chance? I'm honestly asking.

#gilmore girls #fanfiction #y/n #angst #slow burn #jess mariano imagine #jess mariano x reader #jess mariano x y/n #jess mariano #literati #lorelai gilmore #rory gilmore #pov #fic #imagine #writing prompt

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART SIXTEEN

A/N: It’s official, this is the longest series Ive ever written. I was waiting for SO long to finally get this chapter out. Since I’m not really not on Tumblr anymore, I’m hoping to schedule the rest of the chapters so I can finally finish this series and not have ‘obligations’ on Tumblr, lol. I hope it made sense. The characters (but not Dani!) belong to PB!

Rating: PG

Word count: 1876

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @desireepow-1986​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @dcbbw​ @kingliam2019​ @the-soot-sprite​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @badchoicesposts​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @axwalker​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @drxkewalker @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ @yukinagato2012​ ♥

“Oh no,” Drake muttered as he smelled something burning. “No, no, not my bacon. Not again.”

He quickly ran to the kitchen and took the frypan away from the stove. He wasn’t sure why but he had been burning his bacon every single day since Riley left. No matter for how long he was frying it, it always came out burned. And he blamed Riley for it. He blamed Riley for everything.

Drake poured himself coffee and put the bacon on top of his sandwich. Burned or not, he still needed food.

Ever since Riley left, he felt his life was falling apart. Again. This time was much worse though because he knew what it felt like to be happy, and now he lost it.

He didn’t understand her. He tried to hate her but he couldn’t. He knew she had some issues but he was pissed she would rather run away instead of talking to him.

“Who am I kidding,” the talked to himself, “I don’t talk about my feelings, I’d probably run off as well.”

And he hated how he understood Riley that well. He hated it.

He bit his bacon sandwich which tasted like broken dreams and he heard someone knocking on the door. Without hesitation, he threw the rest of the meal to the trash can and went to open the door.

“Mr Walker, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“No, not all all, come on it,” Drake let the guest in and closed the door after him. He was a bit surprised his lawyer would visit him in person instead of calling him and started panicking that something had happened.

“Is everything okay?” he asked nervously.

“Nothing new about your sister, sir. But there is something I thought needed to be discussed, in person.”

“Go ahead,” he let the lawyer talk.

“Mr and Mrs Beaumont filed for full custody again, arguing that you and your wife, Mrs Walker, are separated and the child needs a full family.”

“I knew she was going to do it! It was her plan all along” Drake hit the wall with his fist.

“That’s not all... Mr Beaumont found an official document in his office signed by Mr Bertrand Beaumont and his wife, Savannah, stating that in case of something happening to them, it is Mr and Mrs Beaumont who should be legal guards of Bartie.”

“The... WHAT?!” Drake’s eyes windened.

“Mr Beaumont said he had forgotten about the document his son gave to him because he didn’t believe something would happen. Now that they found it... They are going to use it against you. And with your current situation, they have at least ninety percent of winning. If not more.”

“My sister, would NEVER sign such thing. NEVER,” Drake hissed.

“The document is legal and the signatures have not been faked. I brought a copy for you so you can familarize yourself with the content. I’m really sorry.” The lawyer handed him the document and Drake stared blankly at it. It was indeed, his sister’s signature. She had the worst handwriting and Drake could always tell what was written by her. And that document right there was most certainly signed by her. He sighed.

“Thank you, Mr Collins. I’ll contact my wife and let her know about it too.”

“I’m sorry I had to bring such bad news. I wish you two the best,” the older man smiled sadly and headed out, leaving Drake alone with his thoughts.

~~~~

“Maybe I should help you with that,” Riley frowned when Dani almost fell while carrying her bag.

“I’m fine. I think I just need some sleep, I haven’t been able to sleep properly for weeks. I just need to finish packing.”

“You’re not leaving until like, next week.”

“Yeah but I’d rather be prepared. I hate last minute packing,” Dani answered and suddenly felt dizzy again. “Okay, maybe I do need a break.”

“Dude, you should see a doctor. Or at least call your doctor from back home. Maybe she’ll give you something to calm you down or make you sleep again. I’m worried.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be better soon, I always get sick before starting a new job or school.”

“Taking some chill pills won’t make it worse and can help so please, at least consider it,” Riley insisted and her sister smiled at her.

“I promise.”

Riley took the bag from Dani and put it back on her bed. Her phone started ringing and she froze seeing Drake’s name on the screen.

“Hello?” she picked it up hesitantly, for the first time in weeks.

“Riley? I mean, yes, I know it’s you, thank you for answering, finally,” he said and she sighed. She deserved that. “I need you to come here to see something, it’s urgent.”

“Drake... I don’t think it’s a good--”

“I said it was urgent. I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t. Don’t worry, I don’t want to see you either but it’s something about Savannah, Bertrand and Bartie.”

“Oh,” her heart sank. “Okay. If-- If it’s about them then I’ll come,” before she finished talking, Drake already hung up. She swallowed hard knowing she deserved that. She deserved the worst after what she did to Drake.

“You’re going to talk to Drake?” Dani asked, suddenly feeling and looking much better.

“Yes, apparently something’s wrong with the whole Savannah thing. Come with me?”

“Umm, no? I’m sick, remember?” Dani covered herself with a blanket. “Besides, it is between the two of you. You are still married after all.”

“Please, I don’t want to be there alone with him,” Riley pouted but Dani only raised an eyebrow.

“Good, maybe you’ll finally deal with it like a grow-up woman you are!”

“Ugh, fine. But you’ll call a doctor to get some pills, ‘kay?”

“’Yes, sir!” Dani smiled and waved Riley goodbye as her sister left. She took out her phone and stared at it for a few moments.

“I hate making phone calls,” she murmured to herself, “why can’t my doctor just answer text messages?”

She thought a for a few minutes about what she needed to say and typed everything in bullet points on her phone. Only then did she finally dial the number.

~~~~

Drake was studying Riley’s face as she was reading the document for the third time. She looked just as confused as he was when he first got the paper.

“And Barthelemy said he just found it?”

“Yeah, apparently he forgot about it and now that they filed for custody again, he conveniently found it,” Drake shook his head.

“And the lawyer said it was a legit document?”

“Yes. And I can tell that Sav’s signature is definitely hers, she has the messiest handwriting. And her ‘a’s are the weirdest.”

“So... Maybe the document is legit? Maybe they really wanted Bart and Maddy to have Bartie? I mean, it was their son after all.”

“You really believe that? After all Madeleine did, you still think it’s all legit?!”

Riley sighed and rubbed her temples. “Maybe we’re just reading too much into it. You said it yourself, this is Savannah’s handwriting. The document is legit, what else do you need to believe it?”

“Are you serious right now?” Drake was losing his patience.

“I am but you’re not. If Savannah and Betrand thought their son should be with the Beaumonts then who are you to question it? Honestly, at least Bart has some experience with kids,” she added and quickly bit her lip, realizing she might have said too much.

Drake narrowed his eyes, “And what does that mean?”

“It means that you didn’t even know how to hold Bartie properly when I first saw you with him. It means that maybe they truly want the best for Bartie.”

“And you believe that?”

“Yeah...” she answered but she wasn’t convinced either.

“You know what? Great. Let’s just get that stupid annulment so I don’t have to see you again, let me give Bartie to the enemies who most likely killed my sister and let me just stay here alone.”

“Drake...”

“Just... go.” Drake shook his head and went to the kitchen, leaving Riley in the living room.

She sighed as she took her purse. She took a one more look at the document studying everything in detail, like Dani would. She went to the kitchen and handed Drake the document.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I really hope you’ll find Savannah, she seemed like a great person. And she had a lovely middle name.”

“What?” Drake turned to her, surprised. “What middle name?”

“Helena. I think...”

“Helena? Savannah’s middle name is not Helena. She doesn’t have one!”

“But... I think I saw it right though? Here,” she pointed to Savannah’s signature. Drake’s eyes widened when he read the messy ‘Savannah Helena Beaumont’.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured. He didn’t pay too much attention to it before, still being shocked but now that Riley pointed it out he carefully analyzed it. “Savannah doesn’t have a middle name! None of us have. My mom said middle names are only a problem cause you never know where to use both of your names.”

“Maybe you just weren’t aware of it,” Riley suggested but Drake shook his head.

“No. She doesn’t have a middle name. But this is her handwriting, how--,” he started and his face paled when he saw something.

“No.”

“What happened?” Riley asked as her phone started ringing.

“It doesn’t say ‘Helena’ it says ‘Helpme’!”

“WHAT?!” Riley raised her voice, as she tried to ignore he sister calling.

“Sav had the worst handwriting but I can read it, pretty sure, I’m the only who can. It says ‘help me.’ She must be alive, she must have been forced to sign it and it wasn’t found in Bart’s office.”

“You need to tell Liam. And don’t confront Madeleine, she can’t know we know anything,” Riley said and Drake nodded. Dani kept on calling so Riley finally answered the phone.

“Dani, can I call you back? I’m a bit busy.”

“Riley?” Her sister’s voice was shaky and Riley started feeling nervous. “I—I’m sorry but can you come please? It’s... It’s urgent and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m coming,” she said before throwing her phone into her bag. “Talk to Liam, I need to go to my sister.”

“Drake only nodded absent-mindedly, reading the document over and over again, trying to find more clues.

~~~~

“Dani? Dani! I’m here, what--” Riley started but didn’t finish as she saw her sister’s pale face. She looked scared and was shaking.

“Dani? What happened?”

“I-I called the doctor and told her everything and she told me to... and I did and--” Dani stopped to take a deep breath before taking something out of the drawer.

“And?” Riley asked, her heart beating faster than it should.

“I’m pregnant.”

#the royal romance #the royal heir #drake waker #choices #playchoices #drake x mc #drake walker x mc #liam x mc #liam x oc #king liam #king liam x mc #king liam x oc #drake x riley #riley brooks #dani brooks #unexpected #my fic #trr fanfic #trr #choices trr #scheduled post

[thomothysdoodles]

1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 17, 18, 20, 23, 26, 17, 28, 31, 32, 35, 37, 38, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67,, 68, 69, 70, 71, 73, 74, 75, 85, 86, 87, 88, 90, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 98

I am so sorry, I literally have no idea what came over me

Wow Lulu you really said ‘let’s ask this bitch EVERYTHING’. I love it tho lmao. Since it’s long imma put it under the cut tho

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you?

“A pleasure to have in class, a bit lost in their mind, if they committed and focused more they’d excell but they settle for good grades”

From elementary to high school lol

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I like soda cans

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Somewhere between tomboy and grunge I think

8. Movies or tv shows?

Tv shows

9. Favorite smell in the summer?

Sunscreen and freshly baked bread

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day?

A cup of milk with some cereal or biscuits. For the past month I’ve been following the keto diet tho, and I usually are some ricotta with peanut butter for breakfast

12. Name of your favorite playlist?

“Sad but vibing” lol

14. Favorite non chocolate candy?

Strawberry lollipops

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes?

A black vans pair, I bought em in August but the left one already got a hole on the front 😤

18. Ideal weather?

Cloudy but not too windy or cold. I just don’t like the sunlight in my face

20. Preferred place to write?

On my phone’s notes app lol, I’ve got almost two thousand notes in here

23. Strange habits?

I hide stuff in my room with no apparent reason. I’ve got money stashed around my room in four different points lol

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Given the chance, I like to race with my bike to get some refreshing wind

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Cozy up in a blanket and watch some tv

28. Five songs to describe you.

Karma— AJR

Ultimately— Khai Dreams

Putting a spin on Slow Dancing in the Dark— egg

Mars— YungBlud

Gotta be a Reason— Alec Benjamin

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Black jeans, black sturdy boots, and a silly little hoodie lmao

32. Top five favorite vines?

‘DONT FUCK WITH ME, IVE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE— AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’

‘Let me see what you have!’ ‘A KNIFE!’ ‘NO!!!’

‘Hey bro, what do you wanna eat?’ (‘The souuuls of my enemies’) ‘A bagel’ (‘NOOO’) ‘..two bagels.’

FR E SH A VOCA DO

‘Two shots of vodka..’ *pours half a bottle of vodka*

35. Average time you fall asleep?

I am terrible at this. I love sleeping but I also love feeling ✨ unbothered ✨ doing whatever I want in the middle of the night. So, never before 3am usually

37. Suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea?

Tea

40. Weirdest thing to happen at your school?

I dunno how weird it is, but I always found peculiar that there were cigarette butts on the ceiling of the bathrooms. Like, seven feet tall ceilings. How did those cigs get there??

41. Last person you texted?

My best friend to tell her that my sister found a way to let me watch supernatural on American Netflix >:3c

42. Jacket pockets or pant pockets?

Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie and/or jean jacket

44. Favorite scent for soap?

I dunno. Talcum powder I think

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Superhero

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Tee and boxers. Sometimes socks too

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Umh. Clementines maybe. Easy to peel, sweet but also not, sometimes with seeds.. and some people loathe the little white stripes they have and they spend hours peeling those away

49. What saying or quote do you live by?

“Like any / unloved thing, I don’t know if I’m real /when I’m not being touched.” —Natalie Wee

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

My best friends always make me wheeze, it can be the stupidest dumbest thing ever, I’m really fucking easy to amuse lol

51. current stresses?

My driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my driver license my d

52. Favorite font?

I have no idea. This one? Lol

53. What is the current state of your hands?

Good. I just cut my nails, I really wanna put some nail polish but my dad comes back home tomorrow and he always looks me weird when I put it

55. Favorite fairy tail?

The little mermaid

56. Favorite tradition?

A tradition I have with my friends is that when we celebrate someone’s birthday, we go to the thrift shop and buy them stupid stuff to wear or put on. On my birthday a couple days ago I had to wear playboy bunny ears and a black glittery bow tie lol. Once I bought my best friend a tiny pirate hat, and for another my friend took a boa with pink feathers lol

57. The 3 biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Mmmh

I’m having a hard time with my parents since I dropped out of uni but I think I’m starting to overcome it finally

When my parents were about to divorce and in was dreading the idea of moving from this city

That time in middle school I spent a couple weeks at the hospital to run a bunch of neurological tests

58. Four talents you’re proud having?

I’m pretty good at multitasking

It’s very difficult to enrage me (yes I consider it a talent)

I can juggle lol

I can read in moving cars/trains etc without getting sick :D

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“What the f—“

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/ etc?

“Happiness isn't in the having. It's just in the being. It's in just saying it.” Aka Castiel’s love confession (OF COURSE I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING DESTIEL RELATED)

62. Seven characters you relate to?

No specific order:

Dean Winchester

Eric Derekson

Jake Peralta

Doug Eiffel (👀)

Tony Stark

Klaus Hargreeves

Diego Hargreeves

63. Five songs that would play in your club?

Anything from P!ATD

Bang!— AJR

Natural— Imagine Dragons

Anything from Set It Off

Maniac— Conan Gray

64. Favorite website from your childhood?

I didn’t use computers in my childhood lol

66. Favorite flower(s)?

Fresias 💕

67. Good luck charms?

I used to keep in my pocket a little hazelnut my dad gave me once telling me that it was a good luck charm. I took it away tho. I dunno, maybe my rings

68. Worst flavor of any food of drink you’ve ever tried?

I have to admit I never tasted it, but the smell of truffle literally makes me gag, so that

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Apparently your love language is both the one you give AND want love, and also the one you most lacked growing up. So. Mull that over.

70. Left or right handed?

Rightie

71. Least favorite pattern?

Holey ones. Make my sight go double

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an Advil of ibuprofen?

A seven I guess. I usually try to sleep off anything I have, I hate to take medicines, and loathe to call the doctor lol

75. When did you lose your first tooth?

Around.. six I think?

85. Fairy tails or mythology?

Mythology forever

86. Cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies 🍪

87. Your greatest fear?

That the other shoe will drop and I’ll be alone and lonely

88. Your greatest wish?

To have enough stubbornness to do what I wish to do without getting demoralized so easily

90. Luckiest mistake?

Me and one of my best friends got to know each other through other common friends, and once they both couldn’t come and we ended up spending the day together. We had lots of fun, but we also got drunk and I lost my mcfreaking watch lmao

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps

94. Favorite season?

Winter ❄️

95. Favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr! (And the music one. And the podcasts one. And— jk lol)

#ask thomothy personal stuff! #lulu chaos incarnation #not a doodle #I had to think long and hard for some of these questions

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

[macgyvertape]

50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

 i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her.  I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy.  Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area  good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others.  I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail.  I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work. 

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong...  lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

#cyberpunk 2077 #mac plays video games #a lot of this journaling i do #so in a few years i can look back #and see my first impressions

[kmelanin]

Life After Murder- JJK

idol visuals-

AN- Okay, so ive finally decided to post this. I know I know, i was suppose to post the Prince J, but guess what! idgaf lol, plus this is ready and that isnt because ive decided to changed a few things. I hope you love.

Warning: Some of the things they will be doing is highly illegal. SEx? 

Summary: You have entered a release program after complelting ten years of prison. Will you make it out into to the real world? Or will some officers put you back?

_____________________

One

Out of the window you were watching as trees go by. You sat on the boring tan bus with three other girls. You couldn't believe that you were actually out, finally.

Ten years ago, when you were 15 years old you found your best friend on her bed with a knife in her side. You freaked out because no one was home, you were meant to come over and hang out until your dad got home later that night, your mom never coming home. She had fell while trying to cut something. You remembered her words, ‘no, don't call my mother, she will never let me stay home by myself again.’ So you didn't. What you didn't know was that she was dying, the knife had punctured an important organ. You knew that the knife should come out and that you should call something. Her eyes were closed when you decided to reach for the knife and grab it, and in that moment her parents opened the door.

You didn't know she was already dead before you tried to reach it, you didn't know that the system would do you so wrong. They had no other evidence other than your finger prints on the knife.

They tried you as a adult, and you were sent away. You parents refused to visit you or talk to you. The only person that was there for you while you were locked up was your sister, she always sent you money, and made sure to visit you. But that stopped when she moved away with her boyfriend leaving you alone.

But now, you were out after ten years, you were ecstatic since you were suppose to serve fifteen. But since you accepted the offer to enter a three month program, you would be able to officially free.

You stood in front of the bus, in front of the building you will be in for the next three months. You stood in the middle of the two other girls. In front of you three were four officers.

“Good Morning. I am Officer Hyuna. I am the main officer here. You three have been chosen to be eligible for this program so don't abuse this chance. Including you three, there are four other groups of three from four other prisons making you one of fifteen.” She then pulls out some index cards from her pocket. “You will be assigned to your own officer, it's for your own protection and they will be a guide so you don't ruin your chance here. But they can only help you so much.” She passes them out to us, in no particular order. “Don't look yet. On the back of these cards you will see a name, which belongs to one of these officers.” She points to the cops next to her that barely moved the whole time. “Please introduce yourselves.”

In sync, they walk forward standing in front of you three. Then the first one goes.

“Hello,” He bows slightly. “I am Park Jimin, Officer Park to you, or just Park. I am 28 years old and Korean, and I'm here to make sure that you are ready to go out into the real world. I hope we don't have any problems. Good Luck.” He bows again. You had to admit, as you look at him, he was practically glowing, as his talked his blonde hair stayed perfectly styled and his teeth were blinding. You hoped his name was on the back of your card. You will admit, being in prison for ten years means no sex, or kissing, no touching. And so badly you wanted to be.

“Hi, I am Kim Taehyung. There are many Kims here. So you can call me anything, but I expect respect. I am 27 years old and Korean. Good luck in this program, I don't want to see you behind bars again.” He bows and nods his head. He was a different type of beautiful. Almost the opposite of Jimin, his hair was loose and ruffled. It was also a dark brown almost black. You couldn't understand how pretty he was. And when you looked down at the last officer, you knew that the next three months were going to be hard.

“I am Jeon Jeongguk, officer Jeon. I am the youngest officer here at the age of 26, and i’m also Korean. I am here to help and guide you through this program.” He nods a little and his eyes meet yours. You frowned a looked away. Just one glance and your heart was beating ten times faster. His hair was like Taehyung's but a little more put together, faded out all around leading up to the dark locks.

“Great, now Inmates. Introduce yourself, and don't forget to include your charges. Then flip your card over and say who you have” Officer Hyuna says.

You were interested in who the other girls where and what they were in for. The girl to your left, and in front of Park, begins.

        “My name is Zhang Pomo, but you can Po. I’m chinese and black since we are telling each other what our race is. I’m 24, and I robbed a grandmother's home, which caused her to have a heart attack, so I was charged with Robbery and Murder.” Then she flips her card over. You and the other girl looked over, you were thrown off when you seen some symbols that you didn’t recognize.

          “I might be asian, but I can't read Korean.” Pomo sasses.

          “When those cuffs are on, you are to talk when allowed.” Hyuna says sternly. You almost forgot about the cuffs holding your wrists together in front of yourself. You were so used to them. “Yes its Korean, it’s their names. They didn’t want you to know who you got until the very end. Next”

         When she was done explaining she looked at you.

          “Inmate 56190, or YN. I’m 25 years old, my mother is Hispanic and my father was Black, and I was charged with Murder.” You kept it simple and bland. Being in a prison for ten years has taught you not to trust anyone or let your guard down. You couldn’t afford to get more time. You’ve already missed so much, as a convicted Murder,you could only do so much in life now. You then held up your card for the Guards to see.You looked at each of them to see which one you got. But they all kept straight faces. When they nodded, you put it down. When you looked back up you seen Jeon looking at you, but quickly look away.

           “My name is Faye Winters, I am 29 years old and i’m cuban and white. I’m here for Kidnaping my daughter and for killing my ex husband.” She then hold up her card and pulls it back down.

            “Okay and close your eyes.” Hyuna demands and you do. “Hold your hands out.” She says. “Guards, go to your inmate and take her cuffs off. When you feel them, you may open your eyes and find out who you have. After that. you may enter the building, he will show you your room, give you clothes to change into since you were suppose to take a shower before you came. Then you will eat and we will move on from there.”

              You hear their footsteps move forward, you held your hands out and instantly a pair of hands grabs them and started to unhook your cuffs with a key. You slowly open your eyes and you had to use all of your willpower not to roll your eyes. Of course you got Jeon Jungkook.

               “Congratulations, You are no longer inmates.” Hyuna says and walks away. You looked over and seen that Faye got Jimin and Pomo got Taehyung. When you looked up at Jungkook he once again was looking at you.

             “What?” You ask irritated. He just laughs a little and shake his head a little.

              “Oh nothing, let’s get you out of these stripes, yea?” He then turns around and enters starts to walk towards the building, you follow leaving the others behind.

“YN?” He asks confused. He was wearing black sweats and a red pull over, and his hair was all wild and had that ‘just had sex’ effect. Which made your jealousy boil.

“So we are going to right to your room. In this program, we don’t want to treat you like a prisoner, because you are no longer one. So don’t act like one. We do have cells in the basement to hold you if you act out.” You two walked down a long hallway until you turned on corner which lead to a area that was shaped like a square with one door on each wall. And a desk in the middle.

“This is where I or another Guard on a different shift will be.” He then walks to the first door. “This is your room.” He opens the door and you were smiling like crazy. Not only was it almost three times bigger then the cells you were in. There was a actual fucking bed instead of a metal bed. There was also a closed in bathroom.

“Since you were 15 when you were arrested. We were put in this unit, because in the other two door is a kitchen and a washer and dryer so you will be in there a bit and the other room is like a rec room where you do your indoor activities.”

“And where will you be?” You ask as your face settles into a frown. You’ve been told you had one of the worst resting bitch faces they’ve seen in the last 10 years. Just your face alone has started fights and gotten you put in the hole.

“I’m going to be right there most of the time. And the rest right next to you.” He smirks pointing back at the desk in the middle. You wanted to roll your eyes at the thought of him being next to you most of the time. It's not that he smells or his annoying, in fact he smells fucking delicious. And that's the problem.

Since you were in prison at the age of 15, you were immediately thrown into the scary adult world, since you were trialed as a adult. You were in the juvenile section until you were 19, then they put you in the adult quarters. You had a rude awakening, especially when your bunk mates would touch you or try to seduce you at night. As time went on, sometimes you let them do stuff because you wanted it. But you knew that you liked guys as well. Your 8th year in, one of the guards gave you a special gift. You weren't sure if you wanted it or not, but the next time you did. You would play games with them throughout the day, it would take your mind off of it.

Your tenth year, they were caught and sentences to twenty years each, and you were put into this fucking program.

Now, Jeon Jungkook was dangerous. All three of the guards were only because they were attractive and much younger then the guards inside the walls. You couldn't help it, you could easily seduce someone, and you so desperately wanted to find out how Jungkook worked, so you could figure him out. But, then you knew that if you wanted to get out, you had to be good.

“So, clothes?” You ask.

“Right, if you look in the closet their should be some shirts hanging up and some khakis folded. I'm not sure what color shirts you wanted so I got black and white.” He points toward the standing closet in the corner of the room, across from the bed. You nod.

“Anything is better than these stripes.” You walk over to the closet, and find exactly what he said. You were excited to see some sweatpants as well, and some bigger black tees. “I can wear anything in here?” You ask looking over to him standing in the doorway.

“I mean the sweats are your pajamas, but there isn't a rule saying you can't.” He smiles softly and nods, giving you the go that you could wear anything. “I'm going to let you get dressed, let me know when you are done then we can go get some food.” He nods and he shuts the door. You quickly changed, and you through the suit in the trash.

There were some simple black off brand converses. You slip them on with the socks they gave you and fixed your hair a little in the mirror. You thanked the universe that you got the black thick straight hair from your mom. Some of the colored girls end up getting dreads or cutting it off because they can’t give it the proper care. And you wouldn’t want that. But you could use a hair cut and deep condition.

When you opened the door again you seen Jeon sitting at the desk on the phone. When he sees you walk out he hold up one finger, telling you to wait. You shut your door and stood in front of it, like you were used to. He was on the phone for another two minutes, then he hung up.

“Okay, so this program is to teach you how to live a normal everyday life. The Basics. Since you were locked up at a young age, you were taught most normal way of life, only a prisoners way. So I just got off of the phone with Officer Hyuna and in the mall cafeteria, they are serving rice and pork belly.

Your family had moved to Korea when you were five years old. Your father was placed there. He served in the army, and he was at a really high ranking in combat until he got injured. He’s home now because of it, and he loved the Korean culture so we didn’t move. They made you go to a Korean school so you could learn the language. It was a requirement, to even try to survive, and have a normal life.

You’ve learned that when some look at you, they instantly think you don’t know Korean. So you try to play with everyone as much as possible. That has also got you in a few fights behind the walls. You were surprised when the guards spoke english. Did Jeon know you knew Korean?

( when you see “( )” that is korean. There will be english words in it, but just like imagine that person speaking Korean. Okay? Okay. )

“Can we bring it back here?” You ask frowning slightly. You’ve loved the fact that you could eat by yourself in your cell. You hated being around people who actually killed someone, or robbed or kidnapped. It didn’t help your anger any.

“No. if you want to eat then you have to eat with everyone else. Make friends Yn.” He frowns, confused to why you want to bring it back.

“Fine, then I won’t eat.” You almost wanted to cry at your own words. You haven’t have Pork Belly in forever. And they most likely have Kimchi as well. But you didn’t mind really. Most of the days locked up, the meals were disgusting. They had you Fucked up if they thought you were going to eat it. You got by with the food you could buy from the little store they have and when your mother bought food during visits that were approved, you could have it in your cell.

“What? Why won’t you eat?”

“I won’t and I don’t like eating with others. I’m supposedly somewhat free, why can’t i eat here? There’s literally a kitchen behind that door.” You cross your arms. You weren’t whining or anything, you were dead serious.

But he had a smile on his face, and he shook his head

“They told me that you skipped meals. And they made it one of my jobs to make sure you get three meals a day, everyday. So, Let’s go.” he says the last part a little more sternly. But you just scoff. Did they really? But then a thought came to mind.

“Will Officer Park And Taehyung be there?” You ask walking towards him. That caused him to frown a little bit nod. “Oh, I want to talk to them first. Then fine.”

You both walked toward the middle of the whole building, and enter a cafeteria, it almost reminded you of middle school.  You see Park and Taehyung standing at the entrance welcoming people in. More like just guarding the door.

“Jeon, Yn.” Park says nodding.

“Hi Jimin.” You say stopping in front of him. “How is Faye? And How’s Pomo?” You ask looking over to Taehyung as well. “I really wish i got one of you, instead of him.” You pout a little. Of course half joking, but before they could say anything you walk in and going to the food line. You happily got a tray and got your food and utensils.  You quickly find a seat, away from everyone else. More like a seat on the floor near the back wall.

As you ate, you watched the three of them talk and Park was laughing hitting Jeon on the arm. You were too far away to see what they were saying, but you watched at Jeon walked in. He looked toward the food line, then were the drinks were. You could tell he was frowning from where you sat. He then scanned the whole room, you realized he was probably looking for you. You continued to eat and people watch, looking over at Jeon walking around the tables looking at everyone.

You seen Pomo walk up to you and squat down.

“Jeon is looking for you.” She says smiling. “Is he as dull as Taehyung is? His voice is so emotionless and annoying” She huffs. You just smile and shake your head.

“No, I’m most likely the annoying one.” She laughs at your words and looks up.

“Good luck Hun, he’s on his way over.” She gets up and walks away.  You quickly look up and see him walking up to your holding a cold water bottle.

“Stand up YN.” He sighs, you assumed it was of relief since he has been looking for you. You sighed yourself and stand up. You through your trash away in the nearest garbage and grab the water bottle he was holding out. “There are plenty of seats you know.”

“I'm not a friendly person Jeon, know that. If you ever see me smile at someone, it's because I'm getting something out of it. I might look nice and innocent, but I'm not. Now, can I take a nap?” You ask crossing your arms. He looks at you for a second, he had a slight frown in his brows, and you give him a second to understand and say something.

“We have to stock the kitchen and your bathroom before curfew, which is 8pm. So…” He looks down at his watch on his wrist. “It's 5, ill give you a hour.” He nods and you just walk past him towards your room, and he follows behind. You went into your room and shut your door, you take off your shoes and pants then climb into your new and much more comfortable bed.

Right outside of your room, Correction Officer Jeon Jungkook sat happily writing your grocery list. He wondered why your sassy attitude made him smile. He wondered why his heart jumped when Jimin said that he had a interesting three months ahead. He was also nervous, you were dangerous, and not criminally, but physically. He was definitely attracted to you, and that scared him.

Eventually you had to get up. Jeon sent you on the path the the neighboring grocery store. They had cameras in there that connected to the building, so he could watch you. He gave you the list and the money and sent you off. You quickly got everything you supposedly needed, from packaged Kimchi, to Ramen, to veggies and fruits. You of course got some things that weren’t on the list and Jeon laughed at that, only because the extra money you spend comes out of his paycheck.

Soon it was curfew and Jeon was getting ready to leave.

“I’ll be back around 6 am, wake up is 9. Officer Park will be doing a double shift, so he's taking over your unit until I come back. Behave please, I don't want to come back and see you in a cell.” He nods and walks off. He only says that because, it might be curfew, but you don't have a bedtime or ‘lights out’.

On the wall of your room, you seen a couple sheets of paper taped the wall. You looked at it, and noticed that it was a schedule. It was set up for a month, then towards the bottom of the last page, it says it repeats two more times. Tomorrow it says that you make breakfast, welcome meeting, and recreation.

It was suddenly like a weight was lifted off. You didn't have to stay in a cell for twenty three hours a day. You got to make your breakfast instead of eating cow shit. You got ready for bed and you climb in. You cried yourself to sleep, you were so happy, you felt like you could wake up at any moment and you would be back behind the bars.

The ringing of a phone pulled you out of your dreamless sleep. You were confused for a moment, wondering where the hell you were at. But once everything came to you, you sighed and sat up. You grabbed your sweats and slipped them back on and you made sure you didn't look crazy. You remembered that Park was working the desk, and when you looked at the clock you seen that it was only two a.m.

You went to the door and opened it slowly. You peaked out and you instantly thought this was a dream.

There sat Park at the desk. The desk went up so you could only see his shoulders and up, but with the one light that was on above just to light up the desk, it made his hair look golden and his face was shadowed, you were able to see his face clearly, but you didn't care, he looked beautiful. It made you mouth water.

“Mhmm, are you going to come out YN?” His voice threw you off a bit. It was different from Jeons. Much more softer, but still just as dangerous. You froze, of course he caught you. But did he know you were checking him out? His head turns toward you, looking up from whatever he was doing.

“Is everything okay?” He asks looking a little concerned. You were too stuck at looking at him to say anything, causing his frown to deepen.

He pushes himself away from the desk and he stands up. He moves away from the desk letting you get a full view of him. You throat went dry when you see a simple crew neck t-shirt version of his uniform tucked into his pants showing off his small waist. His arms were exposed more, letting you see the veins running up his arms.

“No. I’m not okay.” You pout a little.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asks. You quickly nod and walk back into your room hopping on the bed and covering your legs up since you were only in a t-shirt and underwear. He comes in and shuts the door. You turn on the bedside lamp so he could see you a little better on your bed. He walks over to you. “What’s up?”

You pat the bed wanting him to sit down. His raises one of his eyebrows but instead of saying anything, he sits.

“Now, don't take anything I say the wrong way. But as you know, i’ve been locked up since i was 15. I had my first kiss at the age of 14. What i didn’t expect is to go into prison straight as a dry noodle, then come out as a wet one. I was forced at first. But then i just accepted it and learned to love women. But the thing is, i know I love men. But i’m deprived, i’ve never had the chance to be with a guy.” You couldn't keep eye contact with him the whole time. So toward the end when you looked back at him, he was looking down at his hands and he played with his fingers.

“You and I both know that nothing between us can happen.” He mumbles. He looks up at you, but he didn't look as bright eyes and cheery as before, instead, dark and concerned.

“Are there cameras in here?” You ask looking around. Maybe you shouldn’t walk around in your underwear.

“No, this whole area are your private quarter for the next three months. There are cameras, but only in the public areas.”

“Okay, so no one will know.” You push the covers back a little.

“Of course no one will, because nothing will happen.” He frowns and stands up. You follow easily and frown a little too.

“Please, just a little kiss.” You pout a little.

“YN, what? We can't…”

“Am I ugly or something?” You cut him off. You looked down and made your pout a little more dramatic. Jimin would be lying if he said his heart was beating like crazy.

“Of course not, you're actually-” He stopped unsure of what to say. “(you're dangerously beautiful.)”

What came out of his mouth really confused you at first, until your mind worked and you understood.

“(Then kiss me)” You say, a little butchered but it was still clear enough to make his head snap towards you. His face was hard and unsure still, he looked away towards the door, then back towards you. You could tell he was hesitant. You look down at his lips and you almost drooled at the thought of kiss his lips. You wanted to feel the softness and to feel his hands grab you.

You walk in front of him and grab his arms. You pulls them around your waist and you look up to him. “(Little one.)” You lean in towards his face. You knew you had him when he didn't move away, his chest was moving faster than usual. You reached your hand up and touched under his chin a little and that seemed to do the trick.

He jumped forward and smashed his lips into yours and he hands come up higher. He kissed you. It stunned you at first, at how quick he was to capture you, but once you start to kiss back he pulls you closer kissing you deeper. You opened your eyes slightly, watching his eyes as they were squeezed shut. Your eyes clamped shut when you heard a slight moan come from him as you raked your fingers in the back of his head. Your hands then trailed down and around his neck and down his chest. You grabbed onto his shirt, before pulling away.

He tries to chase you a little, and you look at his smirking lips. You looked further down at his wrinkled shirt, you smirked as well and you wiped away his wrinkles, straightening his shirt out.

Then a sudden sharp knock came behind you. It was like Jimin was set on fire, and he pushed you away, taking like three steps back. The door opens and Jimin looks at you worried.

“So, if you just put a hot towel on your forehead, it should get rid of your headache.” Jimin nods. He then looks over to who was at the door and then you finally looked. You were surprised to see Jeon standing there with a handful of blankets.

“Oh, what are you doing here?” Park says running his fingers through his hair.

“I forgot some paperwork and I thought of bringing some of my old blankets for Yn.” He looks down at the navy blue blanket. You walk over and grab at the blanket.

“Oh shit, this is so much better then the itchy ass ones you gave me.” You take it out of his hands and set it on your bed.

“Okay, well I have to piss.” He says walking out and leaving you and Jeon alone.

“You have a headache?” Jeon asks.

“Oh, Jimin and I were talking a bit, so it feels a lot better now.” You smile, then you remembered that you were only in a tshirt and underwear. Jeon walks over to you a little, you were confused to why he walked right up to you, you froze when his hand raised up and touched your lips.

“Yea, and whatcha talk about?” He mumbles frowning a little bit.

“Oh, just how annoying you are.” You swat his hand away. He scoffs and drops his hand.

“I have done nothing wrong, I even just gave you a blanket. You have no reason to think that.” He smiles and takes a half of a step back. You rolled yours eyes.

“Exactly that, you are too soft. You are a correctional officer. I don't understand why you are here at three in the morning giving me a blanket.” You jab at his chest with your fingers.

“You don't know me.” His voice suddenly a bit deeper and you felt the room tense up.

“No, but I do know that I have this sissy ass CO, while Pomo and Faye has some sexy ass-” He raised his arm up and he pushes you down by your shoulder. You were shocked at first at his sudden aggressiveness. You had to look up at him, as he stood in front of you looking down. You felt so little and you loved you. His facial expression was hard, and you could tell he was clenching his jaw. Your eyes trailed down, you see that he was wearing a big navy blue tshirt and some black sweats. You were lined up directly to his waist, and you couldn't help but to bit your bottom lip. You sneaked a look back up to him, and his eyes were lower, and darker, which made your body tingle.

Before you could do anything, he moves away from you and grabs your blanket, he starts to spread it out. You watch as his arms moves so easily as he lays the blanket on half of your bed like it was nothing. You look up at his face. His jawline catches your eyes first. You could tell he was still clenching his jaw, making it seem a bit sharper. His lips were just there, sitting on his face so pretty and pink. You became a little frustrated when you think about how much you wanted to touch him, you knew he wasn't going to be as easy at Park was. Or was he?

“Goodnight. Keep those lips to yourself.” He then turns around a leaves.

_________________________

If you have enjoyed what you read, make sure to show some love. Xx

#jeon jeongguk #jeonjungkook #jungkook #BTS #kim taehyung #taehyung #Jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook ambw #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #Park Jimin #Jimin #jimin smut #jimin angst #jimin fluff #ambw #taehyung ambw #jimin ambw #kpop ambw #police au #prison au #angst #smut #fluff #fanfiction

[caws5749]

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

#madison speaks #ask game

[eldritchsurveys]

663.

The Collector : What is in your Nine Inch Nails collection? What are you favourite items to own? >> I don’t have an NIN collection. I just took this survey because it seemed to have okay questions when I skimmed it. (Only these first four are questions about the band, lol.)

Deep : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Music Video? >> Closer, I guess. It’s the only one I remember aside from Only, which wasn’t all that interesting (song’s catchy, though).

The Frail : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Album? >> The Downward Spiral, I suppose. Never really thought about it. Year Zero was good too.

All The Love In The World : Favourite Nine Inch Nails Song? >> I don’t have one. There are a fair few that I like, of course, but I’ve never looked at one and thought “this one is my absolute favourite of all the NIN songs I know”.

Happiness In Slavery : Do you enjoy your job or school life? >> I don’t have either of those and I’m quite content that way.

Burning Bright (Field on Fire) - Do You Feel That During The Years As You Have Grown Up, You Feel Reborn? >> Death and rebirth is kind of just a theme with me, in general.

The Fragile : Do You Think You Can Fix A Broken  Person? >> I think a person that feels broken can eventually come to feel less so. I don’t think that it’s anyone else’s responsibility to guide them there. I do think that other people can be a vital source of support and encouragement during that process, if they choose to be.

Ringfinger - What Are Your Feelings On Marriage/Relationships? >> I think marriage and romantic relationships are, you know, great. I don’t necessarily want to partake in romance, myself, but I see their value for others. (And, obviously, I see the legal/social value for marriage, seeing as that’s mostly why I agreed to it in the first place.)

Terrible Lie - What Is The Biggest Lie You Were Ever Told? >> I have no idea. One time my father didn’t tell me our puppy had run away or gotten loose or whatever until I kept asking where he was. I thought that was dumb.

Help Me I Am In Hell - What Is Your Worst Nightmare? >> I have no idea.

Gave Up - What Is Your Go-To Thing To Calm You Down When You Are Pissed Off? >> Venting to Can Calah. It’s about the safest thing I can do, because I tend to behave irrationally and potentially make things worse when I’m upset.

A Warm Place - Your Favourite Place To Be? >> In my bed, tbh.

While I’m Still Here - How Would You Like To Be Remembered? >> I’ve never given it much thought. I figure it’s beyond my control anyway.

Copy of A - Do You Believe We Are In A Simulation? >> No, but I’m always willing to entertain the idea for thought experiments.

The Becoming - Can You Open Up To Other People Easily? >> Not. At. All.

Underneath It All - Are You Over Your Worst Experience? >> Of course not. Repetitive trauma has left indelible marks on my body and mind. The more I try to pretend otherwise, the worse things get, so I might as well acknowledge it.

Love Is Not Enough - Do You Believe In “Second Chances”? >> Sure. They just don’t have to come from me.

Sunspots - Are You Afraid of Growing Older? >> Nah. I am afraid of becoming infirm, or losing senses, that sort of thing. But not just of growing older in general.

Sin - What Is Your Ultimate Pleasure? >> I have no idea.

Something I Can Never Have - If You Could Say Anything To The One Who Got Away, What Would It Be? >> I don’t have anyone like that.

Dear World, : How Do You Sleep? >> Fitfully, a lot of the time. I was sleeping consistently well for a while but in the last few months it’s been a roller coaster.

I’m Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally : Have you ever lost someone who meant everything to you? >> Sure. Eventually, I figured out that no one can actually mean everything to me, and cut that maudlin shit out.

La Mer : Do you love the ocean or do you have a fear of it? >> I love it and I fear it.

March of the Pigs : Do you eat meat? >> Yeah.

Closer : Do you choose to follow a religion? >> I’m considering it, but it’s a constant source of debate in my head right now. Mostly because I have this idea of religion as a restrictive thing, something that would take away from my personal sense of freedom rather than complementing my search for meaning or whatever. It’s something I feel like I need to discuss with someone other than, you know, my own self, to get some perspective aside from my own, but I have no idea with whom.

Starfuckers Inc. - Celebrities You Think Are Attractive? >> Meh.

Shit Mirror - Are you afraid of where the world is currently heading? >> No. I understand why people are, of course. I just... personally can’t afford to expend any energy on fearing for the future. I have enough on my plate with the present.

I’m Afraid of Americans - Do you follow politics or do you choose to stay out of that stuff? >> I choose to keep my political consumption to a minimum. For one, it legitimately doesn’t interest me most of the time. But also, like... it’s all a shitshow. I don’t think my life is enriched by knowing every little thing going on in Washington, or obsessively watching Democratic debates to figure out who is “best”. I don’t fucking know. I can’t be bothered. I’m legitimately just going to vote for whoever ends up on the blue side of the ballot in November, and hope for the best.

In This Twilight - If the end was nigh, how would you choose to go out? >> I mean, I doubt I’d be able to choose.

Year Zero : Do you have plans for the apocalypse? >> No. I don’t believe in the apocalypse and I tend not to plan for things I don’t actually expect to happen.

The Downward Spiral : Do You Feel Like You Have you reached your lowest point and have you recovered since? >> I don’t know if I’ve reached my lowest point. I’ve reached very, very low points. I think that’s enough. I’d rather not try to see if I can get lower.

Hurt : If you could, would you re-start your life again? >> Please, god, no.

The Wretched : What Do You Hate In Life? >> I hate the lasting effect of trauma.

The Lovers : Do You Have Any Vices? >> Sure. Drinking, mostly.

Maybe Just Once : Do You Feel Like a Lucky Person When It Comes to Love? >> I don’t really know what that means. I’d dare say that I’m pretty unlucky in love in general, because I... have not ever had much of it.

Gunshots by Computer : What Are Your Thoughts On Modern Technology? >> I mean, I love it? It has its downsides like anything else, but I love it all the same.

That’s What I Get : Did You Ever Have an Emo Phase? >> Nah. I pretty much stuck with goth through everything.

Not So Pretty Now: Who Is Your Most Disliked “Celebrity”? >> ---

Every Day Is Exactly The Same : Do You Feel Like You Are Stuck In The Same Routine In Life? >> Well, right now, I kind of do keep to the same routine all the time. I don’t think that I’m necessarily stuck, I just... live like this. It’s fine, for the most part. I’ve had a lot of excitement in the past, it’s not necessarily how I want to live my life all the time.

Get Down, Make Love : Do You Have a Cover Song That Tops The Original? >> Yeah, there are quite a few covers that I prefer to the original. Dream Theater’s cover of Rainbow’s Stargazer is an example.

Screaming Slave : Do You Prefer Heavier Music or Softer Music? >> I like both.

Ahead of Ourselves : Do You Think Toxic People Can Change? >> I think anyone can change. Whether they will or not is the question, not whether they can.

Leaving Hope : Is There A Song That You Listen To That Just Emotionally Destroys You? >> Sure, I guess.

Somewhat Damaged : Have you ever been in a full on physical fight? >> Yeah.

Piggy : Have you ever been betrayed in some way by a person you cared about? >> Eh, maybe. That’s not really the verb I’d use, though.

Lights In The Sky : Thoughts On The Possiblity of an Afterlife? >> The possibility is always interesting to consider.

Big Man With A Gun - Are You For Capital Punishment? >> I really have no opinion.

Eraser : What Would Your Ideal Final Words Be? >> ---

Ghosts I-IV : Do You Have Any Supernatural Beliefs? >> Some would say. Those aren’t the words I would use, though.

You Know What You Are? - Thoughts On Fake People? >> I don’t know any fake people.

Home : Where On Earth Right Now Would You Like To Be? >> I’m fine right here. We just washed bed linens and it’s always nice to burrow into a clean bed.

I’m Not From This World : What song just gives you the creeps? >> I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way about a song.

And The Sky Began To Scream : Thoughts on How To Destroy Angels? >> I like a couple of songs. I haven’t really heard anything aside from that one EP, because I kind of keep forgetting to check out their other works.

Tapeworm : Do you have an embarassing illness/accident story you are willing to share? >> I don’t have any stories like that.

Fist fuck : Do you have any kinks/turn ons/turn offs? >> Yes.

Everything : Do you feel free? >> I guess. I never really thought about it, but generally, yes, I am free.

The New Flesh : Favourite horror film? >> I don’t know. I am very fond of the Hellraiser franchise in general, but not necessarily because of the quality of the films, if that makes sense... Oh, there’s also Event Horizon, that’s a horror movie and an overall favourite of mine.

#surveys #survey #themed survey

[topimagines]

Inferno

Finale I

Summary:  Where do people go when they die? Well, for the least lucky people in the world, hell is waiting. But what happens when these people do go to hell? And how did you end up there?    

Warning: death, hell, violence, choking (but not in the sexy way lol)

A/N: do not repost any work on this blog without explicit permission from me or alissa. its the final part, i think. i will try my best to do a tyler ending but i feel ive hit a brick wall with this series and its time for it to come to an end. its been a fun 10 months, it really has, but its about time to start up a new series and work on one-shots. (and finish the cheating fic that i have yet to write a part 2 for lol). 

Part 1// Part 2//Part 3// Part 4// Part 5// Part 6// Part 7// Part 8// Part 9// Part 10// Part 11

“Wait! ....What about me?”

You turned to the voice, shocked by the outburst. You saw Josh standing with his arm around his side, leaning against the wall. Your body shrunk, pity taking over as you looked at him, in pain. You walked toward him, taking his arm and hooking it over your shoulders.

“Joshua,” Brendon whispered, shocked at the familiar glimmer in his adopted son's eyes. He pulled Josh to him, apparently not noticing the damage in the man’s side. Josh winced and grunted in pain. Brendon finally realized what he did and backed away, “let’s take you to my house to fix this up, yeah?”

You and Josh nodded, but as you were about to step toward the door, Tyler spoke up.

“Wow, wow, wait,” he started, holding his hands up as if to say stop, “y/n, can I speak to you outside for a second?”

“Uh, y-yeah,” you stuttered. Brendon took Josh from your side and led him to the chair Pete, who was still hiding in the corner farthest from the door from shock after Brendon’s entrance, had once occupied. Finally coming out of his trance, Pete stepped away from the corner and walked to the mini fridge to get Josh a bottle of water. You stepped out of the door and followed Tyler down the hall.

When you finally got far enough away from the room, Tyler turned to you.

“What the fuck?” he asked, his red eyes glowing in a way you had only seen in Ashley’s place.

“W-what?”

“You and Brendon are suddenly a thing? Since when?” He asked, scrutinizing you with every word.

“I don’t know, Tyler.” You attempted to defend yourself, remembering the outcome from the look he was giving you, “Azrael really loved him, I-I really love him, I guess.”

“But you also liked me, y/n! We showered together this morning!” His voice was raising by the millisecond, “You can’t fucking change like that!”

“What do you want me to fucking say, Tyler?” your voice was raising now, too. He was starting to seem so unreasonable, “I’m not the same person I was this morning, or last week, or even when I was alive! So much has changed in the last hour than I ever experienced in my entire life!”

“I want you to tell me everything you felt, everything I felt, was fucking real!” he yelled, stamping his foot like a child who wanted his cookie after dinner.

“Everything I felt was real, Tyler, but now... now I don’t know,” you answered, looking anywhere but his red eyes and angry face. You did not like this Tyler, this Tyler was mean, looking at you like you were the worst person in hell. You liked the sweet, quiet Tyler, who only spoke when he needed to, and made the exception of talking about his feelings only for you.

“So, you’re just a giant slut, then,” his words filled with venom. You did not really think about what you did next, shock filled your bones and your jaw dropped. You swung your right fist forward, catching Tyler in the right jaw. It was then his turn to be shocked.

He immediately retaliated, slapping you across the face with the back of his hand. He hit you so hard, you fell to the floor, your hand finding its way to your cheek. You immediately got up, grabbing Tyler’s already bruised neck and pinned him to the wall.

“I’m starting to think you like people grabbing your throat and lifting you in the air,” you grunted. 

Tyler laughed menacingly.

“Sweetheart, only when it’s you,” he looked down at you, “maybe you should call your guard dog out here and you can tag team me until I’m lying on the floor in agony. The king of hell would definitely get a kick out of it.”

“I should, but my guard dog is the one being punished right now. Unless you want to punch yourself in the gut,” you spit, squeezing his throat a little tighter, “I care too much about you to let that happen.”

“Then who is it,” he asked, choking on his words, “Me or him?”

You dropped him, letting him fall to his knees on the concrete floor, “Tyler...”

“It’s ok... if it’s him.. it’s ok,” he said quietly. He sat on his knees, eyes burning through you.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, looking down at your hands in disgust. You couldn’t believe you just did that, especially to this amazing man, “It’s always going to be Brendon, he’s the love of Azrael’s- my life. Josh, Brendon and I are destined to be a family... the ache in my heart, wondering if Brendon is drinking water and the worry I have about Josh’s wound, they prove that.”

“Then go to them,” he said, so quietly you almost did not hear it, “but don’t expect me to be a part of this stupid fucking family bull shit, once you walk away, I’m not going to be at your beck and call.”

“Maybe I don’t need it anymore,” you whispered, “in fact, I don’t need you anymore. Goodbye, Tyler.” You turned on your heel, walking away from him.

That was the last time you would see Tyler for a very long time.

-

When you walked back into the warden's office, Brendon was sat on a plush red chair next to the rolling one behind the desk.

“we could hear you arguing from here,” Brendon started.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you quipped, “let’s get Josh home and we'll talk about it then, yeah?”

“Ok,” Brendon answered, although the smug smirk on his face showed you his opinion on the whole predicament. Brendon stood up and walked to the door, stops for a moment, then swings it open. When you looked to see what he was being so show-boaty about, and the door had opened to a large, familiar, throne room.

He led all of you (including dear old Pete who just wanted to go home and enjoy a nice long bath in the brand new deluxe bath tub he got Patrick to install) into the room, pulling you by your hand and Pete holding Josh up.

Your throne was untouched, but there was an unfamiliar pulse through the room from the night club outside. (After you died, it was too hard to sit in silence in the throne room, in fact, he didn’t really set foot in there unless he had to. Everything in there had a thick layer of ten year old dust.)

“I uh- kept it the way you liked it,” Brendon stated, looking at you nervously.

“It’s perfect, Brendon,” you said, pulling him toward you, “I love it, thank you.” You kissed him lightly, although he took control and it quickly heated up. However, it didn’t last long.

“You know, I love that my parents are together and happy again, however it's gross to look at and I’m in a terrible amount of pain,” Josh interrupted, still holding his side. Pete had disappeared, probably gone back through the door, (which had disappeared too, you supposed it was just temporary.)

“Oh, right,” you said, backing away from Brendon. He growled low in his throat and left the room, muttering about Josh always being a cock block.

You helped Josh sit in your throne and the door opened up behind you. You turned to see what was happening and saw Brendon with someone. When he looked around the room, commenting something about the room not changing one bit, you recognized the face of the man who had fed you, who had loved you, who had given you his heart and in return, you gave yours.

The love of your past life, and yet when you saw him, you felt absolutely nothing. All the light that you would see around him was now on the true love of your existence, Brendon.

That, however, didn't stop the sinking feeling of seeing the brown haired man with glasses and caring puppy dog eyes you had loved once.

"Tom?"

"Who?" He asked, looking over at Brendon, confused.

"Oh, right, Raphael, this is y/n, aka Azrael, aka the girl you helped bring back to life, Y/n, this is Raphael, my brother."

Well, shit.

#brendon urie smut #brendon urie fanfiction #brendon urie #brendon urie imagine #brendon patd #brendon urie x reader #brendon urie fluff #panic! at the disco fanfiction #panic at the disco imagine #josh dun #tyler joseph #pete wentz #inferno