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xofanfics · 25 days

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Lost For Words - Part V

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 5.7K

You were awake but didn’t open your eyes. You’d left the curtains open, you realized. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, bracing yourself for the light. Your eyes snapped open as you were met with the image of a naked Taeyong fast asleep in your bed. If you weren’t awake before, you were certainly wide awake now.

You looked around the room in horror as you recalled the events of the previous night. You replayed the night in your mind, as if it were a film, and how you took your clothes off and how Taeyong ended up between your legs and inside you. And you had the audacity to throb at the thought of him, a wave of guilt washing over you.

The vibration coming from the nightstand startled you, bringing you back to your harsh reality. Your hands felt a little shaky as you reached for your phone. Without even having to look, you knew it was Kun. Your heart pounded in your chest as you answered the call, your voice trembling slightly.

"Hey, babe," Kun's voice greeted you, laced with concern. "I didn't hear back from you last night, so I wanted to check on you. Are you feeling okay?"

You took a deep breath, your mind racing. You were anything but okay. You were confused, in a daze, and filled to the brim with guilt and remorse. The thought of confessing the truth and his disappointment sent a fresh wave of guilt to crash over you.

"I'm just a little hungover," you said, a half truth. "I think I might take a painkiller and go back to sleep for a little while.”

"Oh, okay," Kun replied, his voice laced with understanding. He chuckled. "I told you to make sure you drank some water to avoid a hangover! Anyway, just call me when you wake up, alright? I can bring you something to eat later."

"Okay, I will.”

Your heart was heavy with the weight of your lies as you hung up the phone. Taeyong stirred beside you, rolling onto his side. He was awake now and you weren’t sure how much of the conversation he’d heard.

“Good morning,” he said, so casually, as if this was all normal to him. He leaned on his elbow, propping himself up to smile at you.

“Uh, good morning,” you said, with a weak attempt at a smile. You were becoming hyper aware of the fact that you were naked, pulling the sheets over your bare breasts. “We need to talk about last night…”

“Okay,” he said, sitting up in the bed, eyebrows raised in curiosity. “What about last night?”

You took a deep breath, not quite sure what you were going to say. “Last night shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I have a boyfriend, Taeyong,” you said, not sure why you had to explain. “We shouldn’t have had sex.”

“You have a boyfriend, sure,” he said, “but you made your choice. We’re both adults.”

His words stung, a sharp reminder of the mess you had created. You hadn't intended to hurt Kun, but your actions had spoken louder than words.

"I know," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I just... I don't know what I was thinking."

Taeyong sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He reached out and gently cupped your face in his hands, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your body. "I know, Y/N," he said, his voice soft and laced with understanding. He tilted your head toward his, looking you in your eyes. "But we can't go back now."

His words hung in the air, a reminder of the reality before you. You had crossed a line and there was no turning back. You hesitated, your mind torn between regret and desire. Taeyong leaned in closer, his lips not quite touching yours. You could feel his breath warm against your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

"Do you really think kissing me that day was a mistake?" he asked, his voice laced with longing. "I made love to you last night, Y/N…You’re telling me that was a mistake? You regret that?"

You stared into his eyes, your own filled with a rather strong cocktail of confusion, regret, and desire. You felt torn between the guilt of your actions and the connection you shared with Taeyong. Words didn’t come.

He wasn’t wrong. Last night, you made a choice - a choice that you would have to live with and figure out how to navigate. And choices had their consequences.

You leaned into his touch and it wasn’t long before his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. You responded, your lips melting against his, your bodies pressing together, silently accepting the onward battle. The weight of your guilt and regret slowly melted away, replaced by these new feelings for Taeyong. In that moment, you were lost in Taeyong’s intoxicating embrace as you found yourself on top of him again, sinking onto his already-hard length.

Taeyong stepped out of your apartment building, the warm afternoon air washing over his face. He could still smell the lingering scent of your perfume on the collar of his shirt, along with the memory of your touch. With each step, he felt his heart ache in his chest. His emotions were all over the place and, after sleeping with you twice, they’d intensified.

You made a choice and he had, too. The two of you made those choices together. He had no regrets. He replayed the events of the last night and this morning in his mind; your sweet moans and your tender touch, your whispers in his ear and his seed dripping from inside you.

A wave of longing washed over him. He craved your presence, your laughter, your touch, not just your body. He wanted more; he wanted to see you whenever he wanted, he wanted to touch you. He wished he could be the one you came home to, the one who you shared your hopes and dreams with and the one who wrapped his arms around you whenever you were upset.

The connection he had with you was so intense, unlike anything he had ever felt before. But Taeyong couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. He knew that your relationship was complicated and he was entangled with you, in a web of lies and hidden desires. The thought of sharing you with another man was a bitter pill to swallow, a jealousy that gnawed at his insides. But he had to keep his composure if he didn’t want to lose you, too.

After all, you weren’t his to have in the first place.

As the hot water rippled down your body, you closed your eyes, trying to wash away the guilt that clung to you like a second skin. The memory of your actions with Taeyong haunted you, each droplet of water a constant reminder of the sins you had committed. You scrubbed your skin hard, as if you could erase the memory of Taeyong's touch. You longed for the cleansing power of water to somehow make you pure again, to wash away the stain of infidelity that marked your conscience.

The weight of guilt remained following a shower. Wrapped tightly in your towel, you moved through your apartment with a sense of urgency, cleaning and airing it out, trying to erase any and every trace of Taeyong's presence. You changed your sheets, replacing them with fresh, clean ones, hoping to remove the lingering scent of his cologne. You sprayed air freshener and opened the window, hoping to remove the smell of sex in the air. Every movement, every action, was fueled by a desperate need to erase the evidence of your wild night.

You took the Plan B that Taeyong went to get for you, chugging the pill down with water, as if that could undo things, as if it was a chance at redemption. The very last thing you needed was to end up pregnant and have no idea if the baby was Kun’s or Taeyong’s. You threw the empty box in the trash and took out the garbage, getting rid of the evidence.

Not long after, the doorbell rang. You opened the door, revealing the man you’d betrayed with a container of soup. He kissed you on your lips on his way inside. “Hey babe. I thought about making you that Chinese soup you like but I was feeling a little lazy so I just bought you some chicken soup.”

You nodded with a weak smile. “Thank you…Were you up late working?”

“Yeah,” he said, placing the bag on the counter. He started sifting through the bags so that you could eat. “I went to sleep around two. What time did you get back?”

“Maybe around 12:30,” you answered, “I fell asleep earlier than I thought. I’m sorry I didn’t text you back.”

He shook his head. “No need to apologize. I know you were fine. Do you want to eat now?”

You nodded. Your energy levels were really low and, Kun being here when you were grinding on Taeyong’s dick a couple of hours ago, didn’t help the situation. As you ate, Kun carried the conversation. He talked about the housewarming last night and how nice Taeyong was and that he could see us getting along. He talked about how work went and how his juniors were slacking. You were only half there, hearing him and trying your best to look engaged.

"Is there anything else on your mind?" he asked gently, his hand reaching out to touch yours reassuringly.

Caught off guard by his question, you hesitated. Of course there was something else on your mind. You couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong or what the two of you did. Of course, you couldn’t tell him any of it. "No, it's just the hangover," you repeated, as if trying to convince yourself of your own lie. “I think the food will help.”

Kun nodded slowly, seemingly accepting your explanation. “Wanna watch a movie? Sounds like the perfect lazy Sunday before we have to go to work tomorrow..”

Work. That was the last place that you wanted to be. You’d have to confront reality somehow and face Taeyong in real life and real-time. Would things be awkward? Would Taeyong treat you differently? You didn’t take him for a man that would put you or his job at risk, but you weren’t sure how this would go. You’d opened up a door that couldn’t be shut so easily.

It was your fault, truth be told. You weren’t perfect but, still, you couldn’t bring yourself to say that being with Taeyong was a mistake. You didn’t have any regrets when it came to him. You just regretted how it all came to be. You wished that this had happened at a time when you were single. Then, things would be okay, and these decisions didn’t have to weigh so heavily on your mind.

“Yeah,” you replied, taking away the empty containers. “Do you wanna pick this time?”

So, you tried to get back into normalcy by watching a movie with the man you were supposed to be in a relationship with.

The next day at work, you found yourself glancing over at Taeyong every so often, a knot of guilt tightening in your stomach with each glance. His presence was a constant reminder of the sins you had committed, a secret that weighed heavily on your conscience.

Taeyong, on the other hand, seemed unfazed by the tension between you. He continued to greet you with his usual warm smile and engaging conversation, even going so far as to brush against your hands in passing moments. You tried to avoid his touch, to maintain a professional distance, but his subtle touches made you question whether or not you were overthinking.

The workday dragged on, each minute dragging on as you sat with your conflicting emotions. You longed for the day to end, to escape your team, along with the weight of your guilt.

Finally, the clock struck five, signaling the end of your workday. As you gathered your belongings and headed out of the office, you picked up your phone to see a text from Taeyong.

Taeyong [5:01PM] : Can you meet me at Hidden Moon Bar?

He sent a link and it was a five minute walk from the office. You texted back, agreeing. Unfortunately, you couldn’t quite ignore Taeyong or pretend that what happened didn’t happen.

You said your goodbyes and left first. As you walked, you wondered how the conversation would go. All you knew was that this couldn’t continue. You had cheated on Kun, yes, but it would be better to stop now before things got out of control. You just needed to stand your ground and not get tempted to go back on what you wanted to say.

You sat down at the bar, deciding that you definitely needed a drink to have this conversation. A moment later, you had a glass of Pinot Noir in your hand. After a few gulps, you felt much better about things.

“Hey Y/N,” said a familiar voice from behind you. So casually, Taeyong took a seat on the barstool next to you. It wasn’t crowded, thankfully, as the happy hour crowds hadn’t made it just yet. “What are you drinking?”

"Hey," you said, your voice laced with a hint of nervousness. “I got Pinot Noir.”

Taeyong called over the bartender to say, “Can I have a glass of Pinot Noir, too?” He took out his wallet, pulling out his credit card. “You can put mine and hers on this card. Thanks!”

You nodded. “Thanks.”

He said, “No problem. Well, anyway, we should talk about what happened, right?”

“Yeah, um, what we're doing, what we did…it's not right. We shouldn't be doing this, Taeyong. We're coworkers, and it's too complicated. I think you should date other people, seriously."

He looked at you, without saying a word. He didn’t say anything for a long time, to the point where you began to feel a little awkward. He sighed and took a sip of the wine the bartender had just placed in front of him. He took a long swig and put the glass down before turning back to you. "Y/N, dating other people isn't going to change how I feel about you. I can't just turn off these emotions. Trust me, I've tried, but it's not that easy."

You sighed, realizing the depth of the situation. "Taeyong, you deserve someone who can really be with you. Someone you don’t have to sneak around with. It's not fair to you."

He leaned back in the chair, studying your face. "You think I want just anyone? I want you, Y/N. And I understand it's complicated…”

You shook your head, feeling the weight of responsibility. "It's not just about us; it's about my boyfriend, our jobs, everything. I can't just throw it all away."

"I get it, Y/N. I do. But I can't deny what I feel. I can't just pretend that we didn’t kiss, that we didn’t have sex, that we’re just nothing.”

You said, "Taeyong, I care about you, but we can't keep going down this path. It's only going to get more complicated."

He leaned a little closer. "What if I don't want to date other people? What if I just want to be with you, even if it's complicated?"

You closed your eyes, feeling the weight of the situation. "Taeyong, we can’t…"

He sighed, a mixture of frustration and sadness in his expression. "I can't promise that my feelings will just disappear. But if you think it's the right thing to do and that this is what you want, I'll respect your decision."

The office clock ticked down to 5:00 PM, signaling the end of yet another busy week. As people began gathering their belongings and preparing to leave, Kevin turned to the group with a grin. "Hey, is anyone up for dinner tonight?" he asked, shutting his laptop. “I have no plans. Someone please say yes.”

A few heads nodded in agreement, while others declined, letting him know that they already had plans. Attention was on Taeyong now, as he hadn’t responded.

"I can’t. I have a date tonight," Taeyong announced, in a light, casual tone.

While your coworkers laughed and teased, a pang of jealousy coursed through your body. A date? Already?

Hina, turning off her monitor, stood up from her chair. "Is this the first date?"

Taeyong nodded, his smile widening. "Yeah," he answered. "Seolyun gave me a suggestion for a steakhouse so I’m going to take her there. Supposed to be pretty good."

You recalled your recent conversation with Taeyong last week, where you had encouraged him to see other people. That meant that dates were a thing. You felt jealousy and regret, realizing you weren't as prepared for Taeyong to move on as you thought. The suggestion to date others had been a bit easier in theory than in practice. You did your best to hide your emotions, forcing a smile as you joined the others in wishing him a good time.

Kevin, always eager to add to the conversation, chimed in, "So, how did you meet her?"

"Online dating app," Taeyong replied casually. "We were texting for a while and I asked if she had any plans, so I figured why not take her out tonight?"

Seolyun, your curious coworker, couldn't resist the urge to pry. "Can we see a picture?" she asked, her eyebrows raised in anticipation.

Taeyong chuckled, "I'll show you if we end up dating," he teased. “I don’t wanna jinx it.”

The thought of Taeyong moving on and potentially having a new girlfriend stirred a mix of emotions within you. While you genuinely wished him the best, you couldn't deny the lingering feelings you still had for him.

As you gathered your things and prepared to leave the office, a wave of uncertainty washed over you. What was going to happen now?

Taeyong found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, conflicted emotions playing on his face. Tonight was the night of the date he agreed to. He’d be a liar if he said that he wasn’t nervous about it. He adjusted his collar, wondering if he was making the right decision. By going on a date, he was respecting your boundaries, right?

The girl he was about to meet was pretty and she seemed genuinely nice. He didn’t know much about her yet, but he thought that maybe this could work out in his favor. But as he buttoned up his shirt, a nagging thought tugged at the edges of his mind – she wasn't you. And she never would be.

The conversation he had with you had been playing in his mind all week, like a broken record. Taeyong sighed, trying to come to terms with what you’d said. If you wanted him to see other people, he reasoned, it meant you didn't want him. He had to at least try to move on, to forget about the feelings he had for you. Yet, the mere thought of being with someone else made his heart ache.

Glancing at the clock, he realized it was time to leave. He locked eyes with his reflection, trying to give himself a pep talk. It’ll be fun, he thought, trying to reason with himself, an internal battle plaguing his heart. Just one date, he told himself. She seems to be a nice girl. Maybe we’ll hit it off.

There are more girls out there other than Y/N, Taeyong.

All of these thoughts crossed his mind but he wasn’t sure of himself. Maybe this date would be a step towards closure, a way to untangle himself from the feelings he had for you.

As he stepped out into the night, Taeyong couldn't shake the lingering doubt. Deep down, he couldn't escape the haunting question – was he truly ready to move on, or was this just a futile attempt to fill the void left by someone he couldn’t have?

The week had been long, filled with deadlines and endless meetings, so when Kevin suggested grabbing dinner and drinks to unwind, you decided to get on board. Spending time with friends seemed like a much better option than sulking at home and being trapped in wonderings about Taeyong and this mystery woman.

As you all settled into a cozy corner booth, the clinking of glasses and the hum of conversation surrounded you. The menu was passed around, each person expressing their preferences and sharing recommendations.

Seolyun scanned the cocktail menu with enthusiasm. "I heard their mojitos are really good. Anyone up for one?”

Hina, sitting beside you, offered a thoughtful smile. "I'm game. Mojitos it is."

“Speaking of mojitos, me and my cousins are planning a trip to Cuba!”

Despite the lively conversation about mojitos and travel, your thoughts drifted to Taeyong yet again. Who was this girl? What did she look like? What was her personality like? Most importantly, would Taeyong like her? Would he like her so much that he ends up in a relationship with her?

Every few minutes, you found yourself reaching for your phone to look at Taeyong’s Instagram profile. You'd refresh the page, hoping to catch a glimpse into his date, hoping to see a photo, a story, anything that would tell you where he was or what he was doing.

“Any travel plans coming up for the summer, Y/N?” asked Kevin, as he put a few pieces of pork belly onto your plate. Now, you were being forced into the conversation. And rightfully so.

“Nah, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere but I’m not going to lie, a beach trip would be amazing. Me and Hina were talking about maybe doing a weekend trip.”

“I haven’t been in years,” said Hina.

“It’ll be nice to get some seafood,” you added.

“Speaking of seafood,” chimed in Seolyun, “should we order squid to grill?”

As the night went on, you were almost filled to the brim with anxiety. No matter how good the food was or how strong your drink was, you could only think of Taeyong. The thought of him enjoying an evening out with a nameless, faceless woman filled your heart with frustration and envy.

Every notification, every vibration, every sound made your heart drop. Everytime you got a notification, you hoped that it was him and you hoped that he was thinking about you as much as you were about him. But it never was, and that hurt more than you thought it would.

As you were on the subway heading home, you realized that you basically only knew Taeyong as a friend. You hardly knew him as a lover, but you wanted to. Was he patient? Was he the type of man to give you random gifts, just because? Would he plan dates without you having to ask? Was he willing to work things out if you had a fight? You wondered what kind of man he’d be like, if you were dating.

A shower wasn’t much help either. Those thoughts didn’t disappear but they shifted to the memories of him being here with you. You thought of how hard he kissed you, how he grabbed your hands and held them down as he thrusted into you in missionary, and how deep inside you he was. It was almost as if Taeyong figured out your body and how to please you in just a night. You throbbed at the thought.

You knew you had no right to feel this upset about it. You had Kun, your loving boyfriend who was on his way right now with a bottle of the Pinot Noir that you loved. And here you were thinking about a man that you couldn’t have.

You’d invited him over before you got in the shower because you felt alone. You wanted what you couldn’t have, so you went with the next best option. It wasn’t that you didn’t love or care about Kun; you did. But Taeyong had shown you excitement that you hadn’t felt in a long time. Kun felt…safe. Taeyong felt dangerous. There was something about the thrill of it all that turned you on a little bit.

As you got out of the shower and wrapped your towel around you, you found yourself picking up your phone again. You clicked on the Instagram app for what was probably the hundredth time tonight and found that Taeyong had finally posted something — a story. You pressed your finger on Taeyong’s icon and found the photo that you’d been waiting for all night long. You held your finger down because ten seconds to view it wouldn’t be enough for you. Taeyong had taken a picture of a perfectly cooked steak, medium rare and glistening just how he liked it. The steak looked amazing, but what really caught your eye was the small bouquet of flowers across the table and the perfectly manicured hand you could see holding a steak knife in the top right corner. And to top it off, he put 5 star emojis with the location of the restaurant tagged.

You felt your eyes become hot with what you could only assume to be tears. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony, a cruel joke. Were you really upset with him when you were the one who told him to see other people? You couldn’t possibly keep up an affair with him. It was wrong and you both deserved better than to drag each other around on strings and making promises you couldn’t keep. You’d uttered those words at the time but you weren’t sure that you actually meant them. And here you were — jealous.

You heard the front door open and close, signaling your boyfriend’s arrival. Before you went out there, you needed to pull yourself together. You took a deep breath. Suddenly, you wished that you hadn’t asked for him to come over. But maybe it made sense now. Instead of being left alone with your thoughts, having company seemed like the better option.

“Babe?” he called from the kitchen.

You wiped your tears with your towel before you went out to greet him. “Hey, babe.”

Of course, he greeted you with a smile that made you feel guilty. As you got closer, he said, “You okay, Y/N? You look like you’ve been crying…”

You said, “I think it’s just my allergies.” A lie, but believable.

As you wiped away what was left of your tears, he said, “Do you need some medicine? I can go get some if you need…”

You shook your head. “I’m okay,” you said, forcing a smile. “I’d love some of that wine though.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, planting a kiss on your lips.

“Yeah,” you said in a low, husky voice. You kissed him back, harder this time. Kun was surprised at your forwardness and pulled you closer to him. You could feel him getting hard and, sneakily, he made your towel fall to the floor.

“I’ll pour some wine,” you said, pulling away from his embrace, and showing off your body. You could see him biting his lips as you reached into the cabinet for your wine glasses. His eyes never left you, even when he was across the room on the couch.

A moment later, you were walking toward him, wine glasses in hand to place on the side table. Then you disappeared into your bedroom and changed into the lingerie set he liked. Little did he know, he followed you and watched you as you changed.

“You look good,” he said, coming up behind you. “Are you horny, babe?”

You turned around to face him, nodding. You were met with your wine glass. You took it from him and took a long swig of the red wine. A little bit dripped down your chin as you pulled the glass away and Kun was quick to wipe it away with his thumb, slowly.

You took another sip and you watched him over the top of your glass. After you put the glass on top of your dresser, Kun pulled you close to him, pressing your body against his. You said, “So are you going to do something about it?”

You bit your lip. “Maybe…” Reaching down for his pants, you pulled them down. He was left in his boxers, his hardness poking through to give you a nice view. You heard a small groan come from his lips as you pulled those off, too, freeing him from the constraints. You ran your fingers back and forth across the head of his penis, teasing him, and watched it jump each time. You got down on your knees and took him in your mouth. You sucked his dick, nice and slow, at first. Then, you picked up the speed, drawing louder moans from your boyfriend. He put his hand on your shoulder and you knew that if you kept going he’d cum before you could get him inside you.

You pushed him back onto the bed, to his surprise, and climbed on top of him. “Take this off,” you said, referring to his shirt. You quickly helped him with the buttons and tossed the shirt to the side. He sat up and latched onto your nipple; he had easy access thanks to the lingerie, which had a small hole designated for them. He licked and nibbled on them. You screwed your eyes shut in pleasure, letting out small moans. Then, he reached down to your slit, running his fingers across it. You could tell that you were wet, partially because of the stimulation and partially because you thought of what it felt like when Taeyong touched you.

He said, “Are you ready?”

You nodded. “Fuck me, Kun.”

With that, he flipped you over onto your back. He slipped in easily and started thrusting into you right away. Your walls gripped at him tightly, making him groan. With each stroke, you could hear how wet your pussy was from that wet, squishy sound. Hearing it must’ve made him excited because he was suddenly fucking you harder, faster; it was hard to catch your breath with the feeling of your body being pounded into the mattress.

He buried his neck into yours as he thrusted in and out of him. From the way his breathing got heavier and heavier, you could tell he was close. The thought got you so excited.

“Ride it, babe,” he said, pulling out.

No words were exchanged. You just sunk down onto him with a squish. He groaned in response and let you take control. You started grinding on his dick, back and forth. Your wetness began soaking his pelvis and his lips parted in pleasure.

“That’s my good girl,” he said. “There you go.”

Hearing his voice made you throb even harder. You started going faster. It wouldn’t be long until you rode yourself into an orgasm. It wasn’t often that you found yourself having vaginal orgasms but today was the day. You could almost taste that delicious feeling building up inside you.

In the moment of your orgasm, you got lost in the movement of your hips. You allowed yourself to forget. You forgot about the guilt and the lies. You lost yourself in the feeling of Kun’s fingers digging into your hips instead.

But even as you came, a part of you couldn’t help but wonder, in the back of your mind, where Taeyong was, who he was with, and if he was thinking of you, even just a little.

But this was safe. Being here with Kun was safe.

Taeyong tossed and turned in bed that night, not able to get much quality sleep. He’d dozed off here and there, but it’d been nothing substantial. You crept into his dreams again and things were perfect. It was as if he was living in an alternate universe, one where you were single and being right or wrong didn’t matter. In the dream, you were his and he was yours. He could almost smell the scent of your perfume, almost feel your lips on his. It was a dream he didn’t want to wake up from.

Despite the content of his dreams, he had a good time on the date. Her name was Hyewol. He started the night off in the same way he would’ve wanted to with you, if he had the opportunity. He met up with her, greeting her with a small bouquet of roses. Then they walked to the restaurant together and got to know one another on the way to the restaurant. They told each other the basics: where they were from and where they worked, what schools they went to and what countries they visited, and their favorite things. Then, they enjoyed steak and wine for dinner.

He let her know that he’d like to take her on another date and, luckily for him, she was all for it. Part of him believed that maybe he could date her, that he could move on. But the truth was that she wasn’t you. So far, she was a person he could see himself with, but that wasn’t enough. Their chemistry wasn’t as strong. He could tell just by the way that he was in no hurry to kiss her.

He’d spent the past week on dating apps, hoping that the void he felt in his heart would be filled. He’d swiped through profiles, messaged other women, and he even went on a date tonight. The problem remained and it was that you couldn’t be replaced.

It was a bit dramatic, he supposed, but he felt as though he couldn’t just be friends with you. The two of you had crossed a line and it was too late to turn back now. The damage had already been done, hadn’t it? What if he just pushed forward anyway? No, he thought. He had to respect your boundaries. He couldn’t just tell you no. So he needed to figure out if you were serious about him moving on. But for now, he’d give it some time first. Maybe you’d change your mind and come to him instead.

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

Lost for Words Taglist: @ridinjuyeon @soonyoonswoo

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xofanfics · 4 months

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Lost For Words - Part IV

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 7.5k

Summary: You have the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for. Things take an interesting turn as you befriend your new coworker, exploring the blurred lines between friendship and something more.

Taeyong sat in his living room, swirling the ice in his glass absentmindedly as the weight of his own decision pushed him further and further toward the wall. The housewarming party was supposed to be a celebration of his new apartment. It was supposed to be a good time, filled with joy and laughter as he and his friends created new memories. Now, it felt as though a storm was looming.

Inviting both you and your boyfriend had been an impulsive decision, made when things were much simpler. His innocent crush on you had now grown into something far more complicated. Taeyong cursed himself for even opening this door in the first place. He’d spoken too soon.

Every time he thought about the party, anxiety built up in his chest. He hated the fact that he had set himself up for a night filled with awkwardness and tension. It wasn't just the thought of seeing you with your boyfriend that bothered him; it was the realization that he had to be on his “best” behavior when it came to you. Would you hug him? What were your boyfriend’s boundaries when it came to being around your male friends?

Taeyong knew he had to tread carefully, for the sake of his own sanity and his friendship with you. But the burning ache in his heart, the longing he felt whenever he thought of you, was a constant reminder of the mess he’d made.

He understood that he had to keep his emotions in check during the event, but the bitterness of his own mistake lingered like a bad taste in his mouth, making it difficult for him to find peace.

The doorbell rang, bringing him out of his dark thoughts. His friend, Hwan, had arrived.

“Hey, man,” he said, giving him a brief hug. Taeyong hadn’t seen Hwan in a while, despite not being too far away. But they were at the stage of life where life sometimes got in the way and they, quite literally, had to schedule time to hang out weeks in advance.

Taeyong said, “It’s been a while.”

Hwan set down a plastic bag on the counter and pulled out a brand new bottle of tequila. “I know. And I even get to be the first one to visit your new place.” Then he shot you a suspicious look, with raised eyebrows. “Wait, have you been dating? Did you bring a girl back here?”

Taeyong couldn’t help but chuckle. “Um, no. It’s not like that at all, actually.” Taeyong picked up the bottle. “Thanks for this. I should buy one of those bar carts.”

“No problem,” he said, heading toward the kitchen. He went ahead and found the cabinets that held the glasses. After grabbing one, he poured some of the whiskey Taeyong had sitting on the counter.

Taeyong leaned back on the couch, taking a thoughtful sip from his glass, and then turned to Hwan. "So, how are things going with Tiffany?" he asked, genuinely curious. Hwan’s love life, he was sure, was less complicated than his own.

Hwan's face lit up with a soft smile as he thought about his girlfriend. "Man, it's been amazing," he began, his voice filled with warmth. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think she might be the one. I had a few girlfriends but I could never really see a future. With Tiffany, it’s like I can finally see a future. I can see us getting married, having kids, going on vacations…all of that."

Taeyong raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the certainty in his friend’s words. "It hasn't been that long, has it?"

Hwan shrugged, his eyes reflecting a newfound depth. "You know, I used to think there was a timeline for all of this stuff. I figured two or three years to date, a year or two to be engaged and plan a wedding, then have kids not too long after. But now I realize that that’s all bullshit. We can do whatever we want,” he explained. "But Tiffany, she's changed everything for me. I've never felt this way about anyone before."

Taeyong listened intently, happy for his friend's happiness. However, as he shared his own thoughts and feelings, the weight of his own situation pressed on him. "Hwan, I need to talk to you about something too.”

Hwan noticed the change in Taeyong's demeanor and leaned forward, concerned. "What's going on? You going through some shit?”

Taeyong took a deep breath and then confessed, "There's this girl at work, someone I really like. I’d say we’ve gotten pretty close, for coworkers. Our team attended a conference last week and when we were getting drinks, there was a moment when we were away from the others. Well, I kissed her and she kissed me back."

Hwan's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow, coworkers, huh? Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Taeyong sighed. "That’s not even the biggest issue. It’s that she already has a boyfriend," he admitted.

Hwan leaned back, processing the information. "Has she told you that she’s been having problems with him?”

Taeyong shook his head. "No," he replied, honestly. "But she has to have some feelings, right? Why else would she kiss me?”

“Well maybe she was just drunk. Maybe-,”

“No,” Taeyong explained. “It’s not just that. The next day, when we were sober again, I talked to her about the kiss so that we could clear the air. She said that it was complicated and then she, sort of, almost kissed me again.”

Hwan contemplated his friend's situation for a moment before speaking. "Taeyong, you need to be careful," he advised. “She might like you, I’m not sure. But if she's in a committed relationship, maybe you should back off for now. Don't make things more complicated. And just think about what could happen if that guy finds out? He could be crazy."

Taeyong nodded, grateful for his friend's advice, yet sad at his reality. "You're right, Hwan," he conceded. "I know you’re right. I need to keep my cool, especially with what's coming..."

Hwan raised an eyebrow, a hint of concern in his eyes. "What's coming?"

Taeyong sighed, realizing he couldn't keep the truth from his friend; especially since he would be there. "She and her boyfriend are coming to my housewarming party," he revealed. "I invited them both before any of this even happened. Back then, it was just an innocent crush. Now, it's too late to take any of it back."

Hwan shook his head in disbelief. "You've really gotten yourself into a mess, my friend.” He paused for a moment before speaking again. "And I’m not trying to encourage cheating or for things to get dramatic. But I’ll say this. If she wants to be with you, she’ll come."

Taeyong couldn't help but feel a mixture of hope and anxiety invading his thoughts. Hwan's advice weighed heavily on his mind, as he prepared for the event that could potentially change everything.

***

Surprisingly, things hadn’t gotten weird with Taeyong at work. He was acting normally for the most part, but you noticed that he didn’t ask you if you wanted to get lunch at all this week. He always seemed to run off before conversations of what to get for lunch even started. It seemed a little out of character, but you understood. Maybe he felt that it was too risky for him to be completely alone with you.

Or…

Maybe it had nothing to do with you. Maybe Taeyong was going through something personal that no one knew about. You started to feel worry wash over you. Perhaps you should check on him. There was no harm in that. After all, you were friends.

As lunchtime grew near, you approached Taeyong’s desk. “Hey. Would you wanna get lunch?”

He furrowed his brows, taken aback at the sudden question. “Yeah…we can get something.” He picked up his phone before looking back up at you. “Do you know what you want?”

“Surprise me.”

There was a new, trendy Mexican restaurant that had opened nearby recently. Your coworkers had decided on stew this afternoon, leaving you and Taeyong alone. You were thankful as you walked into the restaurant. The smell of freshly made salsa and sizzling fajitas filled the place.

As you settled into your seats, Taeyong's eyes met yours, and he offered a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. You pondered upon the menu, taking in all of your options. "I heard you talking about tacos the other day," he began, his tone dry. "I know you like octopus, so I thought you might want to try the tacos."

"You remembered that?" you said, genuinely impressed. Who would’ve thought he’d remember a conversation that you’d had with Hina at the coffee machine? Taeyong, despite whatever feelings he had toward you at the moment, still took you into consideration.

“Yeah.”

You both continued looking through the menu, making final decisions. When the waitress arrived, you and Taeyong ordered octopus tacos and steak tacos with chips and guacamole to share.

As your orders were placed, you decided to try to get him talking. "So, Taeyong, how have you been?" you asked, hoping for a more open response.

His gaze dropped. "I've been fine," he replied, his tone still guarded.

“Are you going through something?” you asked.

“No.”

You sensed his reluctance to open up. You closed your eyes with a sigh. "Are you pulling away because you think it's what I want?"

Taeyong met your gaze, his expression softening. "I just don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable…”

Understanding the struggle he was going through, you let out a breath, realizing that you should probably address the elephant in the room. "About the housewarming," you began carefully, "I was thinking maybe I shouldn't bring my boyfriend. I don't want to make things weird."

Taeyong's response was firm, and it caught you off guard. "My feelings don't matter," he stated bluntly. "If you have a boyfriend, I should get used to the idea."

The directness of his words left you momentarily speechless. "Taeyong, that's not fair," you argued softly, your heart aching for him. This was hard for you, too, despite what Taeyong might’ve been thinking. You never exactly asked Taeyong when he started having feelings for you but this was all new to you. The thought of him in that way had never even crossed your mind. But now that you’d shared a kiss, you were in a frenzy of emotions.

A heavy sigh escaped him, and he locked eyes with you. "I know," he confessed, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and resignation. "Trust me, I know. Every second of pretending like nothing ever happened between us doesn’t feel fair either."

None of this was particularly fair, was it?

***

The day of the housewarming had finally arrived, and Taeyong couldn't help but feel anxiety bubbling within him. He found himself pacing, making sure everything was straightened up and in its place. He’d decided that the menu would be tapas, with a bunch of appetizers going around. He had fried some calamari, braised some pork belly in his sweet soy sauce, made garlic fried rice, beef and onion sliders, and garlic shrimp. And for dessert, Tiffany and Hwan were bringing miniature cheesecakes for everyone. You also mentioned bringing a dessert as well.

As he was pacing back and forth, he came to the realization that he needed something to take the edge off. He poured himself a drink, the amber liquid swirling around the glass.

Before he could even take a sip, the doorbell rang, startling him. He set the glass down and hurried to the door. When he swung it open, he was greeted by warm smiles from Hwan and Tiffany.

“Wow,” he said, “you’re early.”

As Hwan gave his friend a bear hug, Tiffany said, “Hwan is always late so I had to make sure we got here early. I even drove.”

“And she almost killed me,” Hwan added.

Tiffany shrugged and said, “You’re alive, right?”

Hwan handed Taeyong a box. “Anyway…Happy housewarming!”

***

To say you were nervous was an understatement. The mere act of getting ready for the housewarming had your hands trembling with anxiety. Applying mascara had proven to be a struggle in itself and you’d already stabbed yourself in the eye at least once. Frustration was bubbling up inside and you couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh. This was certainly not the way you’d envisioned the evening.

Mascara mishap aside, you'd also come dangerously close to poking a hole in your carefully chosen top, the fabric catching on one of your rings. With your brand new shoes pinching at your feet, a choice you regretted the moment you took your first step in them, your rough start to the night was becoming more evident by the second.

Kun, on the other hand, was getting ready in the bedroom with ease. He didn’t have the worries that weighed heavily on your mind. He had no idea that you kissed another man or that you were starting to develop feelings for said man. He had no idea that you felt nervous, yet excited about seeing Taeyong.

You wished that Taeyong never suggested inviting your boyfriend. At the time, you’d been excited about potentially having your boyfriend meet one of your new friends. And what sucked was that Kun was excited about it. You couldn’t just uninvite him after seeing how excited he was to meet one of your new friends.

As if he could sense that you were having a hard time, Kun appeared behind you, in the bathroom, as you’d finished applying your lipgloss. He gently placed his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them softly before placing a soft kiss on your neck.

“You doing okay in here?” he asked, looking at you through the mirror. “You seem a little stressed.”

For a moment, you considered making a confession, but fear held your tongue. Instead, you mustered the best smile you could and replied with a half truth, "I'm fine. My ring caught on my shirt and I almost ripped the sleeve.”

Kun said, “Be careful, love.” He kissed your cheek. “Are you almost ready to go?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Can you grab the cake from the fridge?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

As he left you alone in the bathroom, you found yourself staring at your reflection in the mirror. In that moment, you couldn't help but reflect on how complicated your life had become. Taeyong's entrance into your life, while exciting in some ways, had also brought so much turbulence, along with the guilt, anxiety, and longing. You wished for a simpler time when your heart wasn't being pulled in different directions.

***

Shortly after Tiffany and Hwan arrived, the doorbell rang. His heart thumped in anticipation. Of course, he knew you were coming. However, it was the matter of when you’d arrive that made him anxious. He walked over to the front door and pulled it open. Instead of you, he was met with warm smiles from Hina, Kevin, and Seolyun.

They held gifts and envelopes, ready to celebrate this special occasion with their friend.

"Hey, Taeyong! Congratulations on the new place," Hina exclaimed, handing over a beautifully wrapped gift box. Taeyong accepted it with gratitude and invited them inside.

“Your place is huge compared to mine,” Kevin remarked, eyes wide with surprise.

Seolyun said, “I learned how to make a charcuterie board.”

Taeyong smiled, taking the heavy cutting board from her hands. “Thanks so much.” As he put it on the kitchen counter and unwrapped the plastic, he made quick introductions between Tiffany and Hwan and his coworkers. The six of them started to get acquainted over the first bottle of wine that Hwan had opened up and the savory cuts of meat and cheese.

Then, he heard the doorbell ring. That’s when he knew that you had arrived, causing his heart to leap in his chest. When he opened the front door, he was immediately met with your bright smile. As you embraced him, Taeyong couldn't help but inhale your familiar scent, an act as involuntary as his racing heartbeat.

“Glad you could make it,” he said.

“Of course,” you said. Turning to your left, you introduced him to your boyfriend, Kun.

“Nice to meet you,” said Kun. Taeyong extended his hand with a welcoming smile, all the while concealing the conflict waging inside him. “I heard good things about you.” Kun held out a beautifully wrapped box. “Y/N said you might like chocolate cake for dessert.”

“Wow,” Taeyong said, “thanks so much.” He placed it in the refrigerator. “We were just having some wine and working on that charcuterie board Seolyun made. Although it looks like Kevin ate most of the salami.”

You laughed, “It’s okay. I need to save room for everything else, right?”

He nodded before Seolyun came over. She said, “Oh wow, Y/N. You didn’t tell us your boyfriend was this handsome. You look so good together.” She reached out to greet Kun with a handshake. “How long have you been together?”

Taeyong’s heart dropped as realization set in. Knowing that you had a boyfriend and seeing you with him were two different things. He preferred when it was simple and he didn’t have a face to the name. Now that he had the face to the name, he imagined this would be a lot harder. Thinking objectively about it, he was a pretty handsome guy. He could see why a woman would be interested in someone like him, looks wise.

He wondered how Kun treated you. Was he good to you? Did he buy you gifts? Was he the type to yell at you during arguments? He wondered if there was something going on in their relationship that made you kiss him that night? Did Kun cheat on you? Was he part of some twisted lover’s revenge plot?

He shook those thoughts out of his head. The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got. Even from before things took a turn with you, you rarely spoke about your boyfriend outside of a simple mention. You’d say things like “Me and my boyfriend went to this Japanese restaurant in Gangnam,” or “Have you ever been to Fujian? My boyfriend was born there.” There were women that could go on and on about their boyfriends, but you weren’t one of those people.

As he sipped on his wine, he couldn’t help but hear the conversations behind him. He didn’t care that Kun worked in cybersecurity. He didn’t care that you’d been with him for two years. And he sure as hell didn’t care that everyone seemed to think they looked good together. He slipped into his bedroom for a moment, needing a moment to himself to think and to cool off.

Was this a good idea? Can I handle this?

Hwan interrupted his thoughts as he entered the room and shut the door behind him. He’d sensed that something was wrong and came to follow behind him. Taeyong said nothing but he let out a frustrated huff.

"It's harder than I thought," Taeyong admitted with a pained expression. "Seeing her with him...it's just...it's a lot."

Hwan gave him a reassuring pat on the back, understanding the weight of Taeyong's unspoken emotions. “Yeah, I know…but you have to at least get through tonight. You have all those people out there.”

Taeyong heard the front door open and close, signaling the arrival of his final friend, Chatri, who’d just flown in from Thailand this evening. Making a loud and lively entrance, Taeyong could already hear his friend introducing himself and getting names. Taeyong's smile returned as he went out into the kitchen to hug his friend.

“There was so much traffic,” Chatri remarked, pulling him into a tight hug. “I never thought I’d get here!” Never one to arrive empty-handed, he presented Taeyong with a small, carefully wrapped gift.

“Thank you,” he said, taking it in his hands. As he made his way to put it down with the other gifts, Chatri gave him a dirty look. “So you’re not going to open it?”

Taeyong chuckled. “Yes, sir!” He unwrapped it, revealing a Buddha figurine. Pleased with himself, his friend explained that it would be the perfect addition to the TV stand

But Chatri's arrival wasn't solely about gifts. He was here to get the party started. In his characteristically energetic manner, he asked, “So are we having champagne or what? You said you got champagne, right?” Without waiting for an answer, he made his way to the fridge, grabbed the bottle and said, "Let’s pop it!”

Taeyong couldn't help but grin as he watched his friend take charge, a momentary distraction from what he was feeling.

You were having a good time. Under different circumstances, perhaps you’d be having an even better time. Thankfully, Kun was having a good time, too. After a couple glasses of wine and champagne, he seemed to be having the time of his life. It was rare to see him in large social gatherings like this. Kun wasn’t shy but he definitely opened up a lot more once liquor was involved.

The current topic was dating and everyone was listening with open ears as Seolyun told a story about her ex boyfriend.

“…And you wouldn’t believe how I found out!”

Kun, with wide eyes, said, “How?”

“My flight kept getting delayed and eventually it got canceled. I was frustrated because, you know, obviously I had to figure out another flight. We were supposed to be going to a destination wedding in Greece. He was going to meet me out there the following day,” she explained, “so he was staying at home. I was having a bad day, so I thought I’d pick up our favorite takeout and go to his apartment since he lived closer to the airport. I went inside and saw him on the couch giggling with this other woman!”

“What did you do?”

“I started throwing shoes at him! We argued a bit and then we agreed not to break up and go to the wedding together.”

“Why didn’t you break up with that bastard?” Kevin demanded. “He’s a real piece of shit.”

“Well,” she continued. “My birthday was coming up and I always wanted to go to Bali so I asked him to take me there and then I broke up with him a couple weeks later.”

Chatri said, “At least you got a free trip out of it.”

You couldn’t help but insert yourself into an imaginary scenario. Is that how things would end up if things with Taeyong escalated? Being with him sounded exciting, you had to admit. But you couldn’t imagine putting yourself in the position to hurt Kun in that way. So, you had to push your feelings to the side and keep Taeyong as a friend.

To your left, Kun’s phone rang. He sighed. “It’s my boss. I’ll be right back,” he whispered to you. He stood, apologizing to the others, before answering the call.

“Anyone want a refill?” Taeyong said, pulling out another bottle of wine from the refrigerator. He opened it and started filling everyone’s glasses. When he came to you, his fingers brushed against yours as he took your glass in his hands. It was almost as if a jolt of electricity coursed through your body for those few seconds.

That single touch had you lost and in a daze until Taeyong’s front door opened and closed again. Kun said, “I’m really sorry but I have to go. There’s been a serious cybersecurity issue and I have to help my team get things back in order…” He sighed before nodding to Taeyong. “Thanks for hosting. And it was great meeting everyone.”

A chorus of goodbyes and nice-to-meet-you-too’s filled the room. Kun turned to you. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be working. Go back to your place tonight. I’ll make it up to you and take you to brunch in the morning, okay? Just call me when you wake up and I’ll come pick you up.” He kissed your forehead. “Don’t drink too much. I love you.”

You nodded. “Okay. I love you, too. I’ll call when I get in.”

You stayed behind a little longer to help Taeyong and Chatri clean up. It was a little after midnight, you realized, but you’d been having a good time. The housewarming was less stressful than you’d anticipated and you’d say that it was a pretty successful evening. There had been moments where you felt some tension, but it was nothing that anyone else seemed to notice.

“I’m going to head out to the clubs,” said Chatri. “Are either of you in a party mood?”

You chuckled. “I think I’m going to wind down for the night, but maybe Taeyong is down to go.”

Taeyong said, “Definitely not. I’m exhausted.”

“Party poopers,” muttered Chatri, heading toward the door. “Well, it was great meeting you, Y/N…and Taeyong, I’m here until Tuesday so we should make some plans before I leave.”

With a nod, Taeeyong replied, “Definitely. I’ll text you and we’ll figure it out.” And with that, Chatri was gone, leaving the two of you alone.

As Taeyong walked over toward you, you realized that maybe you should’ve left earlier. But you wanted to be in his presence earlier. The two of you, alone together, wasn’t the smartest idea. The last thing you needed is for feelings to be brought up while the two of you were drunk.

He placed his hand on the faucet, pushing it down and turning it off. You’d been washing dishes, trying to help Taeyong out a little before leaving. “It’s getting late,” he said. “I can wash these. You should get home. I’ll walk you to the train station.”

“Okay.”

You started for the shoe rack, grabbing your heels. Despite wearing them on the way here, that did little to break them in. You put them on and began to dread the train ride home.

Taeyong handed you your purse off the counter and walked out of the door with you. As you walked, you could feel the backs of your feet burning. You tried your best to put on a neutral face as you walked toward the train station. Taeyong did most of the talking and you were grateful because the only thoughts going through your head was how much you couldn’t wait to get home and out of these shoes.

Five minutes later, Taeyong seemed to notice your discomfort and stopped walking. “You okay, Y/N?”

“These heels are killing me.”

He frowned. “Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve given you my slippers.”

“It’s okay. I can make it home.”

Taeyong wasn’t having it. “Sit down on the bench. I’ll be right back.” Taeyong disappeared into the convenience store as you sat down at the table outside. You supposed that you were being a little unreasonable, trying to get home in heels that hurt your feet. Kun would want you to take a taxi; not because it was dangerous but more so because it was more comfortable.

A moment later, Taeyong came back with ointment and a small box of bandages. He sat down next to you and pulled your leg up onto his lap. You watched as he carefully added ointment at the backs of your heels before covering them with a bandage. He handled you carefully; each touch felt soft and warm on your skin.

“Is that better?” he asked, bringing his eyes to yours. You felt your heart thump at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah,” you replied.

Taeyong nodded. “Good. Let’s get you in a cab home.”

He started walking toward the street to hail a cab. With a subtle wave, a taxi pulled over to the curb. Taeyong opened the door for you with a friendly smile on his face.

"Need me to come with you, Y/N?" he asked.

You hesitated for a moment, the buzz of the alcohol making the decision a little more conflicting. A playful smile crossed your lips as you considered your options. You could go on your own, left alone with thoughts you shouldn’t be having about Taeyong. Or, you could have him tag along and fuel your own selfish desires to spend more time with him before you ended your night.

"I don’t need you to come with me,” you said, teasing, “but I wouldn’t mind the company.”

Taeyong chuckled, catching onto your playful vibe. "Okay, I’ll keep you company, then.”

The first couple of minutes were silent as the taxi rumbled through the city's lively streets. Herds of people were coming and going, off to have a more eventful end to their night than you were. But, you weren’t complaining. Despite the silence, it felt comfortable and you were just happy to be in Taeyong’s presence.

Taeyong, looking out the window, wasn’t having as good of a time as you. The silence had him going through his thoughts, like flipping pages in a book he couldn’t put down. He couldn’t deny that he was in his feelings. He’d been holding back, but he really needed an answer to this question. "Y/N, do you love your boyfriend?"

You glanced at him, surprised by the sudden question. "Why are you asking that?"

He sighed, fingers tapping nervously on his thigh. "I need to understand why you kissed me back that day. I like you, Y/N, and it's messing with my head. I don’t know if I can stop these feelings." His admissions hung in the air and you couldn’t find words at the moment. “Tonight was tough," he continued, a flicker of pain in his eyes. "Seeing you with him hurt, but I get it. I can't expect you to change things just because I like you."

You crossed your legs, as if doing that would make the conversation any less uncomfortable. “It's not that simple."

He leaned back, a mixture of understanding and frustration in his eyes. "Do you like me too, Y/N?"

You hesitated, caught in a frenzy of emotions. "I do, Taeyong.” Realizing what you said, you added, “I don’t even know why I told you that…This just feels wrong.”

"Does being with me right now feel wrong?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

You looked away, toward the window, conflicted. "Every interaction with you feels right, but I'm scared, Taeyong."

He spoke softly, sincerity in every word. "You should figure out how you feel, Y/N. Seriously.”

The conversation hit its boiling point. A sharp breath escaped you, the frustration and confusion etched across your face. You couldn’t hold back now. "Taeyong, you can't just say all of this and expect everything to be fine. Why do you care? What gives you the right to question my feelings?"

Taeyong's gaze faltered, caught off guard by your sudden outburst. He’d never seen you angry before. "I... I just need to know, Y/N. It's tearing me apart. What made you kiss me back even though you had someone? Why didn’t you push me away?”

You weren’t even sure if you could answer that question. If you thought about it long enough, maybe you could find a reason. But you didn’t really have one. You’d felt this tension with him that hung in the air just for that moment and you did what felt right. But sometimes the right thing was wrong.

Anger flared within you, the intensity of the situation weighing on your shoulders. "You don't get to make me question everything, Taeyong. I don’t owe you anything. I'm in a relationship, and that should be enough for you to respect boundaries."

Taeyong's eyes reflected a mix of regret and longing. "I have nothing but respect for you Y/N. But I can't ignore how I feel, either."

You scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest. "Feelings? Taeyong, this is real life, not some game. We can’t just run off into the sunset because you have feelings. This isn't fair to me, to Kun, or to yourself."

He let out a frustrated sigh. "You kissed me, too, Y/N! You kissed me just as much as I kissed you. I know it's complicated, but can you honestly say you don't feel something too?"

The question hung in the air, a heavy silence settling over the cab. You hesitated, wrestling with your emotions. "It's not that simple, Taeyong. I can't just throw everything away because of a confusing kiss."

Frustration showed across all of Taeyong's features, a mixture of pain and sadness in his eyes. "Confusing? Maybe it's time to reassess things. If you're feeling something for me, there's a reason. You owe it to yourself and your boyfriend to figure that out."

You clenched your fists, the anger still bubbling up inside you. "You have no right to tell me what I owe anyone. This is my life, my relationship. I can't believe you right now!"

Thankfully, you were nearing your street. You thought that this would be a stress-free car ride, but it had somehow turned into a heated argument. You said to the driver, “Can you pull over at the corner?” You glanced at the meter and pulled out cash before handing it to the driver and storming out of the car, slamming the door behind you.

Taeyong followed, apologies spilling from his lips. You weren’t ready to hear them. As you approached your apartment building, he followed you still.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Taeyong began, his voice laced with remorse. "I shouldn’t have put all of this on you. I know I’m being selfish. None of this is your fault. I didn’t mean to make you upset."

You glanced at him, looking over your shoulder, the frustration from earlier slowly melting into a complicated mix of emotions. You opened the door to your apartment building and got in the elevator. The two of you stood in silence and it was killing him. “Y/N, can you at least look at me?”

You met his eyes for the first time since getting out of the taxi. “Yes?”

"I'm genuinely sorry, Y/N. I know I’m being selfish, and I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

You nodded and got off the elevator. Still, he followed you, not quite satisfied with where the conversation was going, or ending, for that matter. He said, “Do you need space, Y/N? I can give you space. I just don’t wanna lose you.”

The halls felt narrow as you walked toward the end of the hallway. The air was thick with tension. As you punched in the code to your door, the silence between you and Taeyong felt heavy with unspoken words. You opened the door, stepping to the side for Taeyong to follow. He came inside and closed the door behind him. You kicked off your shoes, freeing yourself from at least one of the sources of your discomfort.

Taeyong's eyes searched yours, seeking reassurance that you were okay. "I don't want to complicate things for you," he said.

You shook your head, a solemn smile playing on your lips. "We've already complicated things, Taeyong…haven’t we?”

Noticing your solemn expression, he tried to provide some words of encouragement. "I'm not saying that I have all the answers,” he said, “and I don’t expect you to either, but I don’t want to lose you over this. I want you in my life.”

"I don't know what this means for us," you confessed, another admission hanging in the air.

Taeyong took a step closer, a reassuring smile on his lips. "Then let's figure it out…"

You nodded, agreeing, confusing feelings now replaced by tension. The connection between you and Taeyong was intense, a magnetic pull that neither of you could resist. Taeyong couldn’t kiss you, so he went in for a hug. He pulled you close, rocking side to side, in a hug. He rubbed your back, soothing you. This felt so right, so safe, you realized as you melted into his embrace.

“Taeyong,” you whispered.

“Yes?” he asked, pulling away from you to look into your eyes.

You didn’t have anything to say to him in that moment. Standing on the tips of your toes, you planted a kiss on his lips. The world around you blurred as the kiss deepened. Taeyong’s arms wrapped around you, somehow pulling you even closer to bridge the remaining distance between you.

Desire began to burn, deep in your core. The line between right and wrong was growing thinner and thinner, threatening to be crossed, as Taeyong’s tongue made its way into your mouth. You couldn’t bring yourself to stop kissing him. You walked him into the apartment, never taking your lips off of each other. He led you to the couch, a seemingly safer place than the bed.

His soft kisses were driving you crazy with desire; your body ached for more contact—your skin craved his touch. Struggling to wait any longer, you pulled away and started reaching for your shirt. You pulled it over your head, eager for Taeyong to touch your body. Taeyong pulled off his own shirt in response and began to study your body. You were perfect, in his eyes, and he wanted—no, needed—to touch you.

“Touch me,” you said, a hushed whisper.

You didn’t have to tell him twice. Before you knew it, his hands were grazing over your shoulders and he was pressing kisses on your collarbone. He helped you get your pants off, leaving you in a black thong. It seemed to be a matching set; the sight made him hard. Did you regularly wear matching bra and panty sets? He didn’t have time to think about it for much longer, as you were busy taking his pants off.

The sight of his hard penis, despite being covered, made you throb. He kissed you this time, your tongues dancing wildly in sync, intertwining and exploring while your bodies pressed against each other, hands roaming freely over each others’ skin.

Neither of you could bring yourselves to stop. This slope was slippery and the two of you began falling, falling into temptation. Every stroke, caress, and hushed moan heightened the intensity of the situation.

Taeyong pulled away first, seemingly coming to his senses. "What are we doing?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper, laced with uncertainty.

You paused, torn between your desires and the reality of your situation. Your heart ached for Taeyong, for the connection you shared, for the undeniable chemistry that drew you together like moths to a flame. But you also knew that there were consequences to your actions and that you were so close to crossing that line.

You had a boyfriend, a man who loved and trusted you, and, though he didn’t know it, you had betrayed that trust. Guilt washed over you for a moment, your heart taking a plunge into the deep end. You closed your eyes, trying to block out the confusion and guilt.

When you opened your eyes again, Taeyong was still watching you, his expression worried.

"I don't know, Taeyong," you admitted, your voice trembling with emotion.

He reached out and gently cupped your chin in his hands, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your body. "I don't want you to get hurt," he said, “but I don’t know if I can stop, Y/N…”

And you didn’t know if you could stop either. Your feelings for Taeyong were real at this point, deep and undeniable. You’d been able to ignore those feelings for some time, but everything was coming out from the shadows tonight.

So, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, letting the warmth of his embrace envelop you. For now, you could only focus on the moment, on the undeniable connection you shared with Taeyong, on the feelings that ignited your soul.

He unhooked your bra and it slowly fell off, revealing your bare, perfect breasts. He cupped them in his hand and slowly made his way toward your nipples. Pleasure shot through you as he sucked on them. You moaned softly as he moved on to your neck. He kissed you softly there, careful not to leave any marks, of course.

He picked you up, your legs wrapped around him, and carried you to the bed. He placed you on the bed gently and took off his boxers, his penis springing out from beneath the fabric. He was so hard, you noticed, and it turned you on so bad. Taeyong’s eyes seemed to turn darker and he was biting his lip. You needed him and you needed him now.

He gently caressed your body as he kissed you. He started reaching lower and lower until he reached your wetness, running his fingers across your pussy to feel it. To feel how wet you were, to feel the shape of it, to see how you liked to be touched. To his surprise, you were soaking wet when he’d barely touched you. It’d been a long time since Taeyong had been intimate with someone and he wondered if it had been a while for you, too.

A finger wouldn’t be enough for him, he decided. He needed to know how you tasted and where you liked his tongue. So, he ended up between your legs, holding onto your thighs. A shiver was sent up your spine as you felt his breath against the spot you wanted him to lick so badly. Within seconds, you felt his tongue swirling around your clit, sending you into a frenzy of desperate moans. Your back arched at the feeling and you grabbed at the sheets.

“You taste so good,” he said, finally coming up for air. You could see your juices glistening on his chin before his lips ended up on your second set. “See how good you taste, Y/N?”

You were so wet, your juices leaking from your body. You were ready now. That much, Taeyong could see. He wouldn’t keep you waiting anymore, he thought. He got back between your legs, holding himself up with his arms. Taeyong sunk into you so easily; you gasped at the feeling of him filling you up..

“Are you okay?” he asked, hoping that he hadn’t hurt you.

“Yes,” you said, breathless. “Keep going.”

He started stroking, slow and deep. You were so tight, he thought, and hopefully he wouldn’t finish before you did. He wanted to learn what you liked. He wanted to know what would make you moan more loudly, what made you wetter, what positions you liked more. He pulled away, ending up on his knees. He pulled your legs up onto his shoulders and pushed into you. Your lips parted in a beautiful moan that drove him crazy. This, you seemed to like. Perhaps because it was deeper than before.

“Taeyong,” you whispered from underneath him. He pulled out of you, making you whine in frustration.

“Bend over, Y/N,” he commanded. You obeyed, getting on all fours. You faced the window and he came behind you, lining up perfectly with your entrance. He started off with slow strokes, holding himself steady with your hips. Then, he picked up the pace, pounding you harder. Pretty little moans spilled from your lips and Taeyong bit his lip.

He pulled you closer, your back pressing against him. He stroked you just like that and, then, he reached for your clit, rubbing it faster and faster. Your body began to shake and he was sure that you were going to cum. Wanting to be sure you were satisfied, he stopped thrusting up into you, and kept rubbing.

“I’m gonna cum,” you said.

“Good,” he said as he started pounding you again. You cursed and shook at the feeling as you came. He kissed your shoulder. “Such a good girl…” He pushed you gently onto your stomach. “Rub your clit for me, okay?”

You didn’t answer, speechless; the only sound you made was the gasp from your parted lips as he inserted himself into you yet again. From underneath him, he could feel you rubbing your clit. He started thrusting into you, deep, seeing how you responded. Then, he switched it up, pounding into your pussy a little more roughly. He was getting close; he could feel it building up. But he wanted to make you cum one more time. You were whining and thrashing from underneath him as he groaned in your ear.

“Cum in me,” you whispered. He stopped for a minute, not sure he heard you correctly. But before he could ask again, you said it again. “Cum in me…”

He felt you shaking again and he knew you were close. Your moans grew louder and Taeyong found himself in a place where he could no longer hold back. Your screams and moans had him coming undone, spilling his seed into you. The two of you came together, falling, falling into ecstasy.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

Lost for Words Taglist: @ridinjuyeon

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xofanfics · 5 months

Text

Lost For Words - Part III

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: You have the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for. Things take an interesting turn as you befriend your new coworker, exploring the blurred lines between friendship and something more.

“Introducing "ElysianGlow" – a prestigious international beauty brand poised to revolutionize your entire beauty and skincare ritual. With its European elegance and a mission to cater to every facet of your beauty journey, ElysianGlow stands at the forefront of luxury. As it sets its sights on the vibrant Korean market, this brand promises to bring an unmatched fusion of cultures, innovation, and indulgence to your daily beauty regimen…”

It was the last presentation of the day and you were exhausted. After hearing so many speakers, being exposed to so many new products, and taking in so much information, you felt a little overstimulated. You’d all been taking notes all day as you saw interesting things your competitors were doing.

Your team dipped out a little early, in the hopes of avoiding the herds of people trying to exit the convention center at the same time. Outside the venue, Valentina said, “Good job, everyone. I saw a lot of you taking notes today. I want to do a larger meeting sometime next week or the week after to discuss our takeaways. I think that there was a lot of useful information we can use in our global marketing plans.” She smiled with a nod. “Anyway, I was thinking that we should go back to the hotel, freshen up, and then head out to get dinner?”

There were nods and murmurs of agreement, so David looked down at his watch. “It’s 5:09 now, so how about we meet in the lobby at 6:15PM. Who wants to be in charge of finding a restaurant?”

Hina waved her hand excitedly. “I can find a place!”

Valentina raised a cautious eyebrow at Hina, recalling the last time that Hina had chosen a restaurant. “Let’s try to keep it under three dollar signs this time, yeah?”

You and Hina took advantage of the time you had to freshen up before dinner. You began rummaging through your suitcase, tossing two dresses onto your bed. Hina, on the other hand, sat cross-legged on her own bed scrolling on her phone, ready to give her opinions as needed.

Your phone buzzed on the dresser, and you picked it up, recognizing your boyfriend's contact name popping up on the screen.

"Hey," you said, balancing the phone between your shoulder and ear as you slipped out of your pants.

"Hey, how was the first day?" he asked. “Are you finished now?”

"It was great!" you replied with enthusiasm. "We all have a bunch of ideas. Valentina said we’ll have a meeting next week about it, so I’m excited to share.”

You could practically hear his smile through the phone. "That's great to hear. I can’t wait to hear all about your ideas when you’re back at home. Do you have dinner plans for tonight?”

“Yeah, Hina is actually in charge of looking for a place,” you said, glancing at her. “Hopefully she picks somewhere good.”

Hina stuck her tongue out at you and laughed, bringing a chuckle out of you as well.

“Okay, well, have fun at dinner. And if you’re going to be drinking tonight, don’t forget to drink a lot of water.”

"I will," you promised, feeling a rush of warmth for your supportive boyfriend. You tossed the phone on the bed and pulled out a dress from your suitcase.

An hour later, the group gathered in the hotel lobby, ready for a well-deserved dinner outing after a long day. Hina had strategically chosen a Thai restaurant within walking distance.

Upon arrival, the restaurant's ambiance whisked you away to a far-off tropical paradise. Intricate wooden carvings adorned the walls, vibrant textiles draped from the ceiling, and the scent of spices filled the air. The decor was a seamless blend of charm and cultural authenticity, making you feel as though you were on vacation.

With everyone seated, Valentina seized the moment and confidently ordered a round of drinks for the table. While they excitedly waited for their alcoholic beverages to arrive, they decided to order appetizers to try and share. A few moments later, the drinks arrived, following a clink of glasses and the chorus of cheers.

David placed his drink down on the table and clapped his hands together. "Now that we're not at the conference anymore, let’s talk about something other than work for a change…" Laughter rippled through the group as everyone welcomed the idea.

A few more drinks later, your steaming plate of drunken noodles made its grand entrance to the table. The thick rice noodles glistened with a rich, dark sauce, topped with tender slices of chicken, colorful bell peppers, and vibrant Thai basil leaves.

Kevin, your jovial coworker, leaned toward Taeyong, who was sitting across from you. "Hey, Taeyong," he teased, "I saw you talking to that pretty girl at lunch earlier. Who was that? Did you get her number?"

Taeyong's cheeks tinged with a slight blush at the sudden question. "She was pretty," he admitted, his voice carrying a hint of bashfulness. He glanced in your direction to see if you’d react, but you were reaching across the table for a leftover spring roll instead. "She told me that her name was Ari and she works at one of our competitors. But, uh, I didn't get her number."

"Yeah, Taeyong, maybe you should date the competition so we can find out their secrets," said Valentina with a laugh.

Kevin couldn't resist but add, "Honestly… I'm surprised you don't already have a girlfriend.."

Hina playfully agreed, "Definitely, Taeyong, you've got the looks. Sorry, Kevin, but he's got you beat."

Kevin nodded with a chuckle and said, “That’s fair.”

Taeyong found himself lost in contemplation, wondering if it was time to move on, given your existing relationship. Everyone seemed to enjoy their evening, unaware of the thoughts swirling around in his head like a storm. He went back and forth with his emotions, unsure of where to go from here, as the possibility of a future without you weighed on his mind.

* After dinner, the group ended up splitting up. Some of your colleagues decided to call it a night, retreating to the comfort of their hotel rooms and call it a night. Those who still had some energy left decided to head out for a night on the town, determined to make the most of their time in Incheon. Before the group split in two, Valentina issued a gentle reminder about the early morning conference session, a subtle hint to keep the night's festivities in check.

Among your coworkers in the group, and a relatively new addition to the team, Seolyun stood out as the point person for all things social media. She was the person who always seemed to have a recommendation, whether it was a new restaurant opening up, a trendy pop-up opening, or a cafe hidden in the backstreets.

In no time at all, she found a trendy bar not too far from the restaurant. The bar had two floors, along with a rooftop. Each floor, according to the reviews, had a different vibe. And the rooftop seemed to have an amazing view, which was perfect for taking pictures.

You could feel the lively energy on the first floor as you entered. While you waited for your friends to get their IDs checked, you took a look around. Laughter and conversation filled the air, in combination with the beat of electronic music that had quite a few people up and dancing. People were engaged in animated conversations, clinking glasses, and sharing smiles. It seemed like the perfect place to start on a night out.

As you walked up to the second floor, you noticed a subtle shift in the vibe. Here, the mood was more intimate and relaxed. The decor took on a cozier, lounge-like feel, with plush seating arrangements that were great for deeper conversations. The music, while still upbeat, had a more gentle feeling and allowed for more conversation over dancing. The lighting was dimmed, casting a darker and more romantic aura. It was an ideal spot for those looking to enjoy time away from the loud music and actually have a conversation.

As you all ascended the stairs to the rooftop, the night breeze welcomed you, carrying the pulsating rhythms of music and offering a breathtaking view of the city's twinkling lights. The ambiance was mellow, with cozy seating arrangements and soft lighting, perfect for unwinding. Interestingly enough, the roof wasn’t the most crowded area, and there was more than enough room for everyone to get comfortable at the bar.

Kevin insisted on shots, saying, “Look how beautiful it is out here. Nothing says a night out like a shot of tequila!” Despite a groan or two, everyone accepted Kevin’s idea of taking shots.

“Cheers!” you said, a moment later, clinking the small glasses with your colleagues. You gulped down the liquid fire with more ease than you thought.

As Seolyun finished her shot, she said, “Let’s go dance!”

Taeyong, while certainly up for a night out on the town, wasn't quite in the dancing mood tonight. Instead, he chose to linger on the rooftop, where he could savor the serene night view while sipping on a glass of whiskey.

He gazed out into the city, taking in the twinkling sky above. He took a sip of his whiskey even though he had no business mixing light and dark liquor. I’ll be fine, he decided. Even though he and the others were in Incheon for business, he was having more fun than he’d had in quite some months. Living in Seoul without many friends had been a little hard on him, but he felt a little less lonely during the week while he was surrounded with his coworkers. And he felt less lonely when he was with you. He felt at ease when he was with you. Despite your unfortunate relationship status, he enjoyed platonic moments with you. Being friends with you was better than nothing at all, he thought.

In his peripheral vision, he saw someone sit down but he didn’t bother looking up, as he was enveloped in his thoughts. Suddenly, your voice filled his ears and interrupted his thoughts. “The view up here is something else, huh?” He turned and the corners of his lips curled into a small smile as you settled beside him on the couch.

“I’m enjoying it,” he said, taking another sip of his drink. “I thought you wanted to dance?”

"You know, I wasn't really feeling the music down there," you admitted with a soft laugh. "But it looks like the others are having the time of their lives, so I thought I’d come back up here and keep you company.”

The two of you started talking, just some lighthearted conversation. A few moments later, Taeyong shook his head. "Sorry - where are my manners? Did you want another drink?”

You glanced at his nearly empty glass and then back at him, a thoughtful expression on your face. "I think I'm good for now," you replied, a faint smile touching your lips. "I'd hate for you to see me too drunk."

Taeyong chuckled softly, his gaze lingering on your face. "I wouldn't judge you," he assured.

As you continued to talk, Taeyong found himself getting lost in your eyes, your presence, and the way you laughed at his jokes. His heart raced as he realized how much he had grown to like you. At this point, he could feel the tension building, an almost magnetic force that he had never experienced before. It was a potent mixture of desire, guilt, and admiration. He knew he was getting close to the danger zone and he found himself unable to deny the connection that seemed to pull him closer to you with each passing moment.

Unable to resist the pull between you two, Taeyong leaned in and kissed you, his lips meeting yours in a tender, sweet embrace. It was a moment of surrender to the intense connection that had been building, a silent acknowledgment of his desires. A few seconds later he pulled away, realizing how crazy all of this was. He’d lost his mind for a moment, he concluded.

Your eyes met, just for a moment. Time seemed to stop as you gazed deeply into his eyes. In that moment, Taeyong’s senses were completely taken over by you. He could only smell the faint scent of your perfume. He could only taste your lips. He could only see you.

But just as Taeyong was about to voice his apologies and regrets, the unexpected happened. Your lips crashed into his once more, igniting a wild, uncontainable fire of longing and desire. In that moment, nothing else mattered – not your boyfriend, not the complications of being coworkers – as you both gave in to the irresistible pull of passion. Lost in the kiss, you and Taeyong allowed yourselves to be swept away, indulging in a connection that defied all logic and reason.

The intense chemistry between you and Taeyong became an undeniable truth that neither of you could ignore.

***

You woke up in the morning, before your alarm. You recalled the events of the previous night and, of course, that amazing kiss you shared with Taeyong. It was wrong, you knew, but something about it just felt so right.

Kun [7:31AM] Good morning, beautiful. Hope you had fun last night! Enjoy the rest of the conference today ❤️

As you looked at the good morning text from the man that was actually your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty. You had a man who loved and cared about you, yet you’d had the audacity to kiss another man.

What was frustrating you the most was that you hadn’t even ever thought of Taeyong that way. You found him attractive, yes, but everyone found him attractive - even Kevin. He was a physically attractive looking man - simple. But you didn’t have to cross that line with him and you did anyway. Then, to top it all off, you kissed him on your own. After that first kiss, you should’ve stopped. Unfortunately, something came over you and you initiated that second kiss.

Should you tell Kun? You wondered. No, you thought, he’d never forgive you. Should you break up with him? Was that too much? Was leaving him just running from the problem?

Should you set a boundary with Taeyong? Should you tell him that it can’t ever happen again? God, but you liked it! You liked it so much and you wanted more of it. That was the problem.

You’d never felt tension with Taeyong before. You weren’t sure if it was because the two of you had been drinking or if it was because it was an intimate setting. Maybe it was because you hadn’t really had many moments to be alone together like that. You didn’t know. All you knew was that you could almost taste his lips on yours.

Hina’s alarm started going off, bringing you back into reality. You almost wanted to tell her, but that would just bring up unnecessary questions and drama. So, you decided that you were going to leave it alone all together and do your best to act normal and keep your cool.

After successfully avoiding Taeyong during breakfast and most of the morning programming, he caught you during lunchtime as you were grabbing a water bottle. He lightly grazed your hand and, as you turned to face him, he said, “Can we talk?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said. “Sure.”

Taeyong led you out of the cafeteria and upstairs to the second floor. This floor was quiet, as everyone was downstairs eating. You followed him into a random room where he closed the door behind you. The air seemed to crackle with unspoken tension.

Taeyong took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a mix of vulnerability and longing. "I can't stop thinking about last night,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, “and what happened between us...”

Your heart echoed his sentiments, a mixture of desire and inner turmoil. "Taeyong," you began, a sigh leaving your lips, "I can’t stop thinking about it either.”

“What do we do?”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “I-I don’t know. I have a boyfriend and I care about him. Things are just…complicated.”

Taeyong nodded, his understanding gaze never leaving yours. "I don't want to complicate your life," he said, his voice soft but filled with yearning. "But I don’t know if we can just ignore this."

Taeyong came a little closer, pulling you into his arms. In his embrace, you felt safe, as if the world outside ceased to exist.

Unable to resist any longer, your lips brushed against Taeyong's, igniting a longing that had been building up inside you. But you both knew the complications of your situation.

With a whisper, you said, "We should get back..."

Taeyong let go of you, reluctantly and eyes still filled with longing. You needed to leave. If you looked into his eyes any longer, you might just kiss him again. As he watched you leave the room, the connection between you remained, an unspoken promise that the chemistry you shared would continue to pull you closer, even if the path forward remained uncertain.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

Lost for Words Taglist: @ridinjuyeon

46 notes · View notes

xofanfics · 5 months

Text

Lost for Words - Part II

Part I | Part II | Part III

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: You have the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for. Things take an interesting turn as you befriend your new coworker, exploring the blurred lines between friendship and something more.

Taeyong’s thoughts revolved around you for the rest of the weekend and for the three weeks that followed. He found himself thinking about you more and more as the days went on, even outside of work. They started out as simple thoughts; just flashbacks at how beautiful you’d looked that morning. Then the thoughts got a little more complex. He’d look at menus and think about all the foods you told him you liked. He’d make a note to himself to tell you all about it and give you that recommendation. But then he took it even further by imagining himself taking you there someday, on a date. He wondered what it would be like to kiss you, to hold you so close that he could easily smell the scent of your perfume.

He hated the fact that you weren’t single. He hated the fact that you had a boyfriend. He hated the fact that he had absolutely no chance with you. He knew he had no right to feel this way, but he couldn’t help himself. His thoughts and feelings were just that - thoughts and feelings, where they would remain in his mind and heart until he decided to move on. An even more delusional side of him even wondered if there was the possibility of you and your boyfriend breaking up.

It was pretty early on into their relationship, but he knew that he could see himself with you. It’d been a month and a half and he felt like you’d gotten considerably close with him. The team was pretty close, in general, though, so Taeyong had a hard time understanding if this was how you acted with everyone.

Today, he had a meeting with you to discuss his findings from a marketing campaign that just ended. You would normally have this meeting with the rest of the team, but Taeyong honestly just wanted to have some time alone with you. He presented it to you under the guise of wanting to give you the information as soon as possible. He insisted that he’d just do the full presentation next week, once Valentina had returned from her maternity leave.

The two of you didn’t have meetings alone often, so Taeyong was enjoying every second of it. He watched as you listened to his findings. He loved how attentive you were and how you always had a question or two. Plus, the longer you talked, the more time he got to spend with you.

He was well aware that you were his coworker. He knew that you should probably stay that way, but he couldn’t help feeling so drawn to you. Even your other team members praised how well you worked together. Workplace relationships were almost always a bad idea, right? But in the delusional side of Taeyong’s mind, he thought that he could make it work whether anyone knew about it or not. Of course, he would prefer no one knowing. He wouldn’t want you to be the target of gossip. Even if they were just words, Taeyong knew all too well how hurtful words could be.

“I hope that all made sense,” he said, “but I think that audiences responded really well to the new templates we used for the email. We tested two different ones but it seemed like the new one performed better.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. We can definitely try that for new products moving forward. I think the new template was easier to read, with more white space.”

“I think that maybe changing up the templates on social media would also be helpful. I’d love to test that as well. I can bring up that idea in the larger meeting next week. How does that sound?”

You nodded. “That would be great. Thank you for your help on this. It really helps to go over this information.”

“No problem,” he said as you turned toward the door. He could see your coworkers gathering by the entrance. “By the way, are you joining everyone for lunch? I hear they’re trying a new soup place.”

You shook your head. “Nah. I’m not really in the mood for soup.”

“What are you in the mood for?”

You chuckled. “Honestly? I was thinking of going to the convenience store and having lunch there.”

“Are you okay?” he asked, joining in your laughter.

“What’s wrong with the convenience store?”

Taeyong shrugged, teasing. “I mean, nothing…I guess.”

“Wanna join?”

“Sure,” he said. “It’s hump day, the perfect time for a cheat meal.”

You giggled as Taeyong opened the door for you.

You enjoyed Taeyong’s company a lot, you realized. You felt like you could be yourself with him around. He was friendly with everyone, of course, but it seemed like you had a lot in common with him. Everyone at the office seemed to like him, too. He was a breath of fresh air, honestly.

You talked about a lot of things but it seemed like you were having deeper conversations today. You talked about your childhood and how your parents struggled to put you through college and how you never knew until your parents told you that they were selling the house. The three bedroom home that you and your sister had known your whole lives was sold and they moved into a smaller home, further from the city. You told him how you always felt bad about it and how you should’ve gotten a job despite your parents telling you you didn’t need to.

“Hey,” he said, noticing the melancholic aura, “none of those things are your fault…”

“I know,” you said, “but I wish things had been different back then.”

“If you could change one thing in the past, would it be that?”

You nodded. “I would’ve worked so they didn’t have to sell the house.” You turned to him after taking a bite of your noodles. “Is there anything you would change?”

Interestingly enough, Taeyong shook his head. “I don’t think so.” Noticing your surprised face, he added, “Life sucked a year ago, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t be where I am today. And I like the way things are going in my life right now. I mean, I like the work I’m doing and I have a team that respects me. I’m also moving into a much nicer apartment in a couple of weeks.”

“That’s amazing. Do you need anything for the apartment? I’d love to get you something.”

“I was debating on having a housewarming party after I move in, actually.”

“You should! It would be fun.”

“I have a few friends that would be able to come. And I’d love to invite a couple people on the team, too. My friend, Hwan, would probably bring his girlfriend. You can bring yours, too, if you want.”

“Yeah,” you said, “I’d be down to come.”

***

Valentina had returned from her maternity leave, a month later, with fresh energy. Among the team, she found herself naturally drawn to Taeyong. His intelligence and unwavering enthusiasm for learning resonated with her deeply. Valentina had always held hard work in high regard – after all, it had propelled her to her current high-level position at the youthful age of thirty-three. Life was starting to come together for her; she was recently married and had welcomed her first child into the world. With her momentum, a promotion within the next couple of years seemed well within reach.

As she entered the meeting room, the soft sound of her heels pierced the air. Her lips curved into a warm smile as she greeted the room with a confident "Good morning." Setting down her cup of coffee, she took her designated seat at the head of the table.

“Morning, Valentina,” you said.

“Does anyone need to dial in today?” asked Taeyong, “We should set up the video conferencing.”

“I think it’s just Hina working from home today,” you said. “She had to have a repairman come in to fix her plumbing.”

Taeyong nodded and went to the computer to set up the camera. Then, David walked in with his laptop and a grin. He sat down at the other end of the table.

A moment later, Taeyong had set everything up and Hina was on the screen. She waved to everyone and Valentina began.

“I called everyone here this afternoon to provide an exciting update. We understood that a few of you mentioned wanting to attend more conferences and conventions taking place in the industry as we went through last quarter’s employee survey,” she explained. “Due to the number of people that requested, we intend on buying extra tickets for those that are interested in attending. It would be a great opportunity to learn more about our competitors and attend keynotes. This is a new initiative for the company’s commitment to professional development.”

The room was filled with excited chatter and agreeable nods as she went on. She continued, “David and I will be presenting our upcoming product launch, along with a few other high level members of the company. The convention will be taking place in Incheon at the Songdo Convensia Center and we will be staying at the Hanuri Lotus Hotel, which is within walking distance to the convention center. If you’re interested in accommodations, of course, be sure to let us know. It’s coming up next month, so please make decisions soon. I’ll send out an email to follow this meeting with all the necessary information!”

Following the announcement, anticipation filled the air, a collective enthusiasm rippling through the team members.

By lunchtime, it was all anyone could talk about. As you, Hina, Taeyong, and Kevin stepped out for lunch, the topic of conversation was the conference. It was taking place in the next three to four weeks. Thankfully, you hadn’t made any plans. Kun had mentioned taking a trip at the end of the summer, but that would have to wait.

"I didn't see that coming," Kevin commented, a hint of surprise in his voice. "I mean, we never have the budget for anything…"

Taeyong chimed in, sounding intrigued. "Seriously? You think so?"

Hina joined the conversation with a sarcastic smile. "Oh, absolutely. They're all about decking us out with the latest tech, but when it comes to travel and conferences, suddenly there’s no money" She let out a slight eye roll before returning to her noodles.

You nodded in agreement. “Yeah. They’re usually super strict about budget but I hope this means they’ll invest in us a little more so we can get promoted.”

Taeyong turned to you. “Is getting a promotion hard here?”

Kevin shook his head. “Not necessarily, but I think there’s more room for it now that the marketing and creative teams have been expanding. Honestly, the place was a mess before Valentina came. I’ve been here for about four years and Valentina has been here for a little over two. I went from an intern to a full time employee.”

“Me and Y/N came after. Valentina hired us both.”

Taeyong nodded. “Are you guys going to go to the conference?”

"Absolutely!" The collective response came almost in sync, a chorus of agreement filling the air.

Taeyong let out an airy laugh. “Well, I guess I’ll see you all there.”

***

Despite going into the office everyday, it still seemed like you had nothing to wear. You sifted through your closest, unsatisfied with almost all of the options available. Too business casual, you thought. Not fashionable enough. This was a conference, after all, and you needed to present yourself in a better way. With these sorts of events, you never knew who you’d meet and what opportunities could arise. It’s not that you were looking to leave the company, but you never knew where life would take you.

You started browsing online, looking for more fashionable pieces to add onto your weekend fashion itinerary. Kun placed a mug of chamomile tea on the coffee table for you and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“Still looking for an outfit?” he asked, taking his place next to you on the couch.

You nodded. “Yeah. I saw this really nice pantsuit. Wanna see?”

“Sure,” he said as you went ahead and pulled it up on the screen. “What do you think?”

“I think it’d look gorgeous on you,” he said, “but four hundred dollars?”

“That’s the cost of beauty, babe.”

At that moment, he pulled out his wallet and handed you his credit card. “Buy it. I’d love to take it off of you,” he said, giving you a suggestive grin.

“I’ll be in Incheon, babe,” you explained, taking the card.

“Well, you’ll be in a hotel room, won’t you?”

“I don’t know if we’ll have roommates or not…”

“Well maybe I’ll just have to book a room of my own then,” he said, placing gentle kisses on your neck. “Would you come to visit me?”

***

Taeyong looked at himself in the mirror after he got out of the shower. He sighed, unsatisfied. I need to get back in the gym, he thought. With all of what came with moving from one apartment to the other, he’d been busy trying to get back into his routine.

Most evenings after work, he was too tired to unpack more than a few boxes. The more he unpacked, the more he wished that he’d hired someone to do this. But he was almost there. It’d been a little over two weeks since he moved in but he somehow found himself living out of the boxes instead of unpacking properly.

But between the convention coming up and the housewarming he was planning, he needed to put some pep in his step.

He reached for his new moisturizer, courtesy of their generous employee discount. He heard his phone vibrate on the sink as he applied it but he didn’t bother looking, as he figured it was just a random notification.

A few moments later, he was sitting on his bed in a pair of shorts. He picked up his phone with a smile as he realized that you were the one who texted him.

Y/N [9:12PM]: I got your invitation earlier. I RSVP’d with a plus one!

Y/N [9:12PM]: Btw, do you have a registry?

Taeyong [9:13PM]: You don’t need to buy anything. You guys coming is more than enough!

Y/N [9:16]: I’ll get you something you won’t expect haha

He hated the fact that he’d brought up inviting your boyfriend. But what did he expect? For you to not ask him and for him to not show up? Of course, you’d probably want him to meet your friends. But maybe it would serve as a reality check. Maybe seeing you with your boyfriend together would snap him out of it. Maybe it would snap him out of it so he could realize that he couldn’t have you. Maybe it would be the push he needed to go out on dates so that romance with you wouldn’t even cross his mind.

But, his heart still thumped at the thought of you coming anyway. He couldn’t wait to impress you with his event. He wanted you to taste his cooking. For the past couple of weeks, he’d made note of all the things you mentioned you liked or food he’d seen you eat. So far, it seemed like one of your favorite things to eat was dumplings. And, when you could, you’d opt for seafood. When you went out, he noticed that you’d choose seafood noodles over beef or chicken. He had some ideas of what to put on the menu, for sure.

He hadn’t had the opportunity to hang out with you outside of a work setting. Sometimes he’d get a drink with you and Hina after work but there was never a time when he hung out with you on a Saturday or a Sunday. It had been about three months since he met you, so he supposed that this wasn’t unusual. If anything, he’d have to tread a little more carefully since he worked with you. He knew that people didn’t always care to be friendly and hang out with their coworkers outside of a work related event, but you struck him as the open-minded type. Hell, you’d opened up to him so much already, which had been a bit of a surprise.

The conference was also coming up. He was excited to go, in general, but he was also excited to potentially spend time with you. He’d never been on a work trip like this before but he was excited. Kevin was apparently already making plans for them to go out at night, after the conference and team dinner.

He fantasized about getting you alone, just to talk to you without everyone there. He knew that there was a line that couldn’t be crossed. But he genuinely enjoyed talking to you. There was no harm in that. Even if he sometimes looked at your lips and wondered what they tasted like. Even if he sometimes thought about the sweet things he’d whisper into your ear if he could. Even if he wondered what would happen if you hugged him and he didn’t let you go. After all, there was no harm done in his wonderings.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

THANK YOU FOR READING! LMK if you want to be tagged in the next part!

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xofanfics · 5 months

Text

Lost for Words - Part I

Part I | Part II | Part III

Genre: angst, fluff, smut 🥺🤗🥵

Pairing: Reader x Kun // Reader x Taeyong

Word Count: 6k

Summary: You have the best boyfriend you could’ve asked for. Things take an interesting turn as you befriend your new coworker, exploring the blurred lines between friendship and something more.

Kun was the first man that came into your life that cared enough to try to learn your love language. For that, you were forever grateful. He bought you flowers, just because. He admitted that he never bought a girl flowers for no reason. Before he met you, he thought things like flowers and chocolates were meant only for Valentine’s Day and birthdays. But he bought them for you on the first Valentine’s Day you spent together. He could see the glimmer in your eyes as you admired them and, because of that, he bought them for you when he felt like you needed it. So, he bought them for you when you were feeling stressed, before a Friday night date, and sent them to your office for no reason at all.

He’d do things like cook you dinner when you didn’t ask. He paid attention to the things you said, like if you were craving Chinese dishes. The next day, he’d been in the kitchen making your favorite noodle dish. And you’d smile wide, the sparkle in your eyes enough to light up the darkest of his days. He’d do small things to make your life easier, like run the water for your bath while you worked late or steam your clothes in the morning if you forgot the night before.

Kun liked to cater to you, perhaps more than you did for him. Despite that, he never complained about it and he assured you that it was fine when you asked about it. He’d said, “I do these things because I want to, because I love you.” Kun’s love languages were different from yours, you realized. He preferred quality time and physical touch, so as long as he at least had those things, he was happy. In contrast, you preferred acts of service but, like him, you also enjoyed quality time.

You were looking at your sleeping boyfriend with a smile. Your leg was wrapped around his and he had his arms wrapped around you. The two of you often slept like this, with your limbs entangled around each other until it got too hot in the middle of the night. You’d roll over on your side and he’d follow so that he could spoon you from behind. And sometimes, he’d be hard and it would turn you on. And then turning over in bed would lead to you getting under him, wrapping your legs around him as he gave you what you wanted. You smiled at the thought, not because you were horny but because the love you had was so beautiful, so pure. As you watched him sleep, you realized how lucky you were to have found a man like Kun Qian.

You buried your face in his arm and he stirred. He groaned, glancing over at the clock on the nightstand. “Why are you awake so early, baby? Let’s go back to sleep.”

“I can’t believe we have to leave each other in a couple hours… The weekend goes by too fast.”

“I know,” he said, “The weekend isn’t enough.”

“I can’t wait to move in together,” you said, smiling at the thought.

He pulled you closer and kissed you on your forehead. “Waking up to your face everyday would make me so happy.”

“I know,” you said, melting in his embrace.

You couldn’t imagine being with anyone except Kun. And being with him, you hit so many milestones already. You’d been together for two years now and you were ready to take the next step—moving in together. Soon, you wouldn’t have to alternate weekends, going from his apartment to yours. Soon, you’d be falling asleep and waking up together, making meals together, and heading out for work together everyday. And even if he had a business trip, you’d be at home to greet him upon his return. Still, this was a few months down the road, given that spring was in the air and summer was on its way. The decision was set for this winter.

It was perfect. Everything was perfect. He was perfect—a match made in heaven. But sometimes you wondered if things were too good to be true. Sometimes, you felt insecure. But you knew that it was your fear of abandonment speaking and that was something you had to overcome. Kun was a good man and you had no reason to think he would suddenly leave you. Always, he reassured you that you were perfect for him and that there was no way he could live without you. Despite your random feelings of doubt and worry, Kun held your heart in his hands and held it tightly. They say that actions speak louder than words and he’d proven to you, time and time again, that he had no intentions of letting you go so easily—not if he could help it.

He told you that he would marry you someday. And despite what you may have thought, he had no intention of going back on those words.

You sighed as you walked into your office that day. Staying in bed with your boyfriend would’ve been the better of the two options. The aroma of the cheap coffee the office manager ordered every week filled your nostrils, as you walked past the kitchen. In passing, you exchanged greetings with a couple of coworkers who were deeply immersed in a conversation that seemed to revolve around the latest celebrity scandal.

You placed your vanilla macchiato on your desk before you started setting up your desk for a long work day. Your coworker and friend, Hina, who seemed to have just come from the bathroom, greeted you as you sat down. “Morning, Y/N!”

You raised an eyebrow. In general, Hina was a pretty energetic person, but she seemed extra hyped up this morning. “Morning,” you replied. “Why do— no—how do you have so much energy on a Monday morning?”

“I’m excited because the new hire starts today. I dunno about you but I can’t take another second of trying to figure out how our campaigns are performing,” she complained. “I know there are a couple positions being filled but Chaerin could’ve at least left after one of them was filled.” She rolled her eyes and slammed her notebook closed.

“I would leave in a second if I got the offer she did. She’s making well over six figures now, can you believe it?”

She sighed. “I mean I get it but if someone asks me one more question I can’t answer,, I’m actually going to kill myself. I shouldn’t have said that I was eager to learn in the interview.”

“There’s been so much going on, I guess I forgot about someone new coming on.”

“He should be getting here soon.”

“He?”

“Yeah. The HR lady had his new hire paperwork on the desk when I went in there a few minutes ago looking for her.”

“So nosy,” you said, shaking your head before taking a sip of your coffee.

You looked up as you heard the light murmur of chatter coming toward your side of the office. You saw the HR Manager walking into her office with a handsome man walking behind her, looking around the office with big, curious eyes that darted from left to right.

“He’s good looking,” said Hina, nudging you with a wink.

You chuckled. “I thought Kevin was your office crush?”

“Hey, I can have two office crushes!”

A half hour passed and as you were getting into the groove of your workday, the Creative Director, David, walked over toward your desks with Taeyong behind him. “Meet Taeyong,” he said. “He’s our new analyst. He’s going to be trained by Valentina once she’s back from maternity leave in a couple weeks. Of course, we will all be working together closely as we use analytics to inform our decisions for our upcoming campaigns.”

You stood up, shaking his hand, after he greeted Hina. “Hi, I’m Y/N. I’m one of the marketing managers. If you need help with anything or have any questions, you can ask me. I know things can be a little overwhelming on the first day but if Valentina picked you while on maternity leave, I already know you’re the best of the best!”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling brightly. “And thank you so much. I look forward to working with everyone.”

At that, David cleared his throat. “I have a meeting with a partner in a few minutes but, Y/N, could you get him set up and show him around the office? Hina, could you come with me? I want you to join this one, since you had some ideas from our brainstorm last week.”

“Um, sure,” you said, as your coworkers walked away from you, leaving you and Taeyong behind. You walked ahead, to the next row of desks across the aisle. “So this is going to be your desk while you’re here. You actually have a nice view on this side of the office.” You turned the monitor on to check if it was functional and checked that he had all of the cords he needed to set up.

Taeyong let out a lighthearted chuckle as he placed the laptop he’d been carrying on the desk. “I just can’t believe I have the newest MacBook. My last work computer was so slow and it would overheat anytime I opened Chrome.”

You laughed. “Sounds like a pain in the ass.”

“Definitely…”

“Did you go to school in Seoul?”

Taeyong shook his head. “No, I actually went to the University of Hong Kong. I ended up getting a scholarship.”

“Wow. That’s amazing. I wish I had the opportunity to study abroad. It seems like a great experience.”

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m definitely glad I left Korea for a while. It’s nice to experience new things, meet new people, you know, and get out of your comfort zone. Plus, I even learned a little Cantonese.”

You led Taeyong through the office, showing him where the product, sales, and tech teams all sat. You showed him the meeting rooms, some empty and others filled with two or three people getting their days started. You showed him the kitchen and how to use the coffee machine while you explained that there were bagels on Mondays and that you’d have half days on Fridays once summer commenced.

Taeyong looked around the office with curious eyes, excited to be a part of this company. He’d been so excited to hear back from this company after three rounds of stressful interviews. He’d heard of people struggling to get a job in the current economy. So, he was grateful to be in a company that seemed to have some good perks.

His last job treated him poorly. He’d spend hours, sometimes even outside working hours, working on reports. And then, the data wasn’t even used. He never received any recognition and barely received any feedback. The only feedback he ever got was when his work wasn’t what the higher ups wanted. If it was negative, he sure got feedback. But as for anything positive? There was rarely any feedback there. So, Taeyong gave his resume a much needed makeover and set his sights on a new job and a company that would at least value his work.

He got good vibes from this place so far, especially from you. He thought about what it’d been like when he came here for his very first interview. Honestly speaking, he remembered seeing you. He saw you while he was waiting for the hiring manager. You’d been walking past the blue armchair he was sitting in. You were with the coworker he met today, Hina. He noticed you right away, mostly because you had this loud laughter. It wasn’t obnoxious but it was the kind of laughter that was contagious, the kind of laughter where you had no choice but to laugh, too. But he noticed how wide your smile was and how happy you seemed and how long it’d been since he’d seen a woman smile like that.

You noticed him then, a worried expression plastered on your face. “Hi, are you here for an interview? Did someone help you already?”

“Yeah, they know I’m here. Thanks.”

“Do you want water or anything to drink?” you offered. “I know interviews can be a little stressful.”

Taeyong shook his head. “Water would be nice. Thank you.” And a moment later, you returned with a cold water bottle for him, handing it to him with a smile. And then he aced his interview and ended up here, with you.

He figured it was probably insignificant but he found that a lot of people in the working world could be so cold. But Taeyong was a person who cared a lot. He was someone who treated everyone with kindness, because that’s what he’d want in return. He was the kind of person who cared about the people he worked with.

“Have you been working here long?” Taeyong asked, as you showed him into the main kitchen. He noticed that the kitchen was stocked with snacks and fresh fruit, as he recalled you mentioning that the office manager, placed an order every week. You added earlier that if he had any requests, for office supplies or for snacks in the pantry, to let them know.

“Almost two years,” you replied. “I actually just got a promotion. I came up with this amazing concept for one of our new products. It wasn’t perfect but I worked with the product development team to figure it all out.”

“That’s really impressive,” he said. “I hope I can grow here, too.”

You nodded. “I’m sure you will…Between you and me, they took forever to fill this role. I feel like they were looking for the perfect person and, well, it looks like they found you.”

Taeyong chuckled. “That’s great to know.”

The two of you stood at the coffee machine, deciding to get a fresh cup from the machine that seemed to have endless options; from lattes to macchiatos, it seemed like the machine could do it all. You were very friendly, he noticed, and he hoped that the others were just as nice as you were.

Two weeks had gone by since Taeyong was brought on. In just two weeks, he’d gotten a lot done. Taeyong went from meeting to meeting, learning as much as he could about the company’s products. He took in your marketing plans, asking questions as he went. And soon enough he was churning out data reports based on your past campaigns. So far, he seemed to be the type to go above and beyond and you appreciated that. His doing his job well helped everyone else do their jobs well, too.

It was Friday and it was nearly five o’clock. It’d been a long week, full of deadlines and you were relieved to have a couple of days to relax. As of now, you had absolutely nothing planned. Kun was going out to a friend’s birthday dinner, so you figured you’d stay home and make dinner while enjoying a cool glass of wine.

As you made mental notes of the groceries you wanted to buy, you heard a slam from across the office. You’d been lost in your thoughts at that moment and you shrieked aloud.

Hina looked up from her laptop with a grin. “You’re so dramatic!” she said, nudging you in the arm. You both chuckled.

David stood up from his desk. “Please tell me that everyone is finished with their to do lists for today,” he asked, with a hopeful tone.

Mostly, everyone nodded, except Kevin who huffed and said, “We need to have a meeting with the product team on Monday. I just saw that they rejected the new design for packaging. And at this point, we’re going to have to push back the launch again.”

David sucked his teeth, turning back to her laptop screen. You knew his stress all too well. If his team’s work got rejected one too many times, all of our plans got pushed back. “What’s the issue now?” David chimed in, glaring across the room at the product team’s side of the office. “You know what? I don’t care. It can wait until Monday. I will send out a calendar invite. We can’t keep pushing these launches back like this…Anyway, I was thinking that we could go for a team dinner tonight if most of you are free? We haven’t officially welcomed Taeyong to the team since we’ve been so busy. My treat.”

The team clapped in response. Typically on Fridays David and Valentina didn’t make anyone work late, but very rarely did it come with either of them offering to pay for dinner. Within five minutes, all ten members of your team were packed and ready to go.

“Where are we going?” asked Taeyong in a curious tone.

“How about dim sum?” David suggested. “I’m in the mood for some dumplings and they have really good soup dumplings. Have you had those?”

Taeyong nodded. “I haven’t had any since I left Hong Kong.”

“Right, you went to school there. You’ll love these. The owners are from Hong Kong so it’s authentic and delicious.”

There were some murmurs of agreement and you and your team were whisked away, heading toward the elevators.

Taeyong walked with you, Hina, and your other teammate, Michelle. Taeyong was the talkative type, from what you could see, and he held up most of the conversation. You wondered how he had so much energy. Maybe it was because it was Friday and you’d left the office to start the weekend. Maybe it was because he was new and excited about his new position. Maybe he just had a lot of energy, in general. It wasn’t that you hated your job but it was rare that you felt feelings like joy or excitement about coming into work. Taeyong was excited and you almost envied him for it.

Your stomach grumbled as you went inside the restaurant and got a whiff of whatever was cooking in the kitchen as your group walked toward a large table in the back. Just as you were about to take a seat next to David, he waved Taeyong over. “Come sit here.” He made a hand motion at Hina, who had sat next to the seat he apparently wanted Taeyong in. “Scoot over one seat and let Y/N sit there so Taeyong can sit here.”

The three of you shuffled about until you were in your “assigned” seats. Hina whispered, “God, are we adults or are we in elementary school?” The two of you snickered together as the waiter placed a fresh pot of barley tea in the middle of the table.

The group spent the next ten minutes figuring out what to order. Your boss ordered several orders of everything—dumplings and buns in just about every form, wine chicken, tofu dishes, bok choy, chicken feet, and probably more rice rolls than you needed. And of course, he ordered some liquor to get everyone started. That was always his strategy: get everyone at least tipsy so that the conversation would be more interesting, as he put it.

The conversation was spread across the table, with your half of the table talking amongst yourselves and the other half doing the same. It wasn’t until the food came that your boss decided to be more interactive with Taeyong.

“How were these past two weeks? Are you adjusting well? I told everyone to take care of you so if they didn’t, you can tell me.”

Taeyong nodded. “It’s going well. I’m enjoying the work. And Y/N is really sweet. She helped me get settled easily.” He then turned to you directly. “Thanks for being so helpful and answering all my stupid questions. You’re really good at explaining! And you too, Hina. I’m learning a lot from both of you.”

You felt yourself blushing at the sudden compliment. Your work was something you were proud of but it was rare that someone openly appreciated the projects you’d worked on or your knowledge of the company products. Of course, Kun would always congratulate you when you told him about your accomplishments at work. But it felt good to hear it from someone at the company, especially from someone new to the team and someone who knew more about the things you were working on. You and Taeyong collaborated more than you thought you would initially. And the meetings you had with him were extremely helpful and even gave you some ideas for future projects. Taeyong seemed to be pretty creative and even contributed ideas that he wasn’t sure were even possible. But you liked that he seemed to believe that you could do anything with the right people and the right tools and resources.

David’s lips parted in surprise. “Wow, Taeyong is showering everyone with compliments today. I feel a little left out.”

Taeyong laughed. “Of course, I like working with you all but I have to admit, I think Y/N and Hina are more my style.”

You felt heat rising to your cheeks at Taeyong’s seemingly flirty comment. It wasn’t that you had a crush on Taeyong, but you were interested in him as a person. You genuinely enjoyed spending time with him and working on projects together. You were a marketing manager and he was an analyst. The two of you made a good team…along with Hina of course.

***

After food and a couple more drinks than you should’ve had, you were thoroughly stuffed. Your boss paid for the meal with the company credit card and scurried off saying that his wife was waiting for him at home. Then your coworkers began to disappear, one by one, until only you, Hina, and Taeyong were left. And Hina insisted on finishing the liquor your coworkers left behind in the pitcher.

You said, “I must have gained like fifty pounds.”

“Let’s start walking so we can lose at least five,” Taeyong said, nudging you.

“I should go on a diet,” you said, standing up from the chair, stretching.

“You don’t need a diet,” he said. “It always bothers me to hear women say that…”

Hina said, “So, your type is a woman who eats well, hm?”

Taeyong nodded with a smile. “Yeah. I love cooking so I want someone who can taste it first and tell me if it’s good or not.”

“Will you cook for the holiday potluck?”

Taeyong smirked. “Maybe.”

“I never had a man cook anything for me,” said Hina, frowning as she stood.

“But your dad cooks really well,” you said. “I still think about the clam soup he made for your birthday.”

“That doesn’t count,” she explained, as she slowly began to tip over into the chair. She held onto the table to hold herself up and rolled her eyes. “He’s my dad. I want a man to cook for me!”

Taeyong chuckled. “Does that mean you’re good at cooking? Do you take after your dad?”

Before she could answer, you opened your mouth to speak. “Let’s just say she could use a little work…”

Hina laughed. “Hey! I improved since last time!”

Taeyong patted her shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”

“I can go myself,” she said, doing her best to stand straight. Whether she realized it or not, she definitely couldn’t do it on her own.

You said, “Don’t worry. I can take her home.”

Taeyong shook his head. “What kind of man would I be if I let you go by yourselves? I’ll call a taxi and the three of us can go.”

Hina said, “I’m perfectly fine to take the train!”

“Fine,” said Taeyong with a sigh, “we can take the train.”

***

Hina was the one who insisted on taking the train despite hardly being able to support herself on her own two feet. She stumbled into you and Taeyong as the three of you walked to the station and even fell asleep in her seat, her mouth wide open.

“I’m sorry about Hina,” you said, as you arrived closer to her stop. “She’s one of those people where you don’t know how drunk she is until it’s too late.”

Taeyong smiled. “We all have that one friend.”

You’d been worried that Taeyong might be annoyed but, from what you could see, he seemed to have a lot of patience.

“Well I’m sorry that you have to spend your Friday night with your drunk coworkers,” you said, chuckling.

“It’s fine,” he said. “Really. I don’t mind at all. This is better than spending my Friday night by myself. I don’t have many friends in Seoul since I moved back. I got pretty close to a few people in Hong Kong but, you know, they’re in Hong Kong…” Taeyong continued. “My best friend from high school was an international student from Thailand so he’s back there. Lucky for me, he comes to Seoul pretty often for his work. And my other best friend is living in Incheon, so he’s close but he works in finance and he has a girlfriend now so he’s busy.”

“Wow, so most of your friends aren’t even in the country, huh?”

“Lucky me,” he said, with a sigh.

“Well we’ll definitely be friends with you. Even though Hina fell asleep, she really likes you. She said that you’re way better than Chaerin.”

You laughed and Taeyong joined in with a laugh that seemed so light and free. You liked hearing him laugh. Taeyong could be quiet at times but he was playful, too. Hina liked him and you liked him, too.

You and Taeyong helped Hina up and off of the train a moment later. Together, you brought Hina to her small apartment a couple blocks away from the station. As you got into the elevator, she said, “I ordered pizza.”

“When did you order pizza?”

“When you went to get me water from the convenience store.”

In those couple of minutes you were inside the store, Hina apparently ordered pizza while in Taeyong’s care. You shot him a look, to which he said, “I didn’t see her do it. I just thought she was texting or something.”

You laughed. “Well hopefully she can stay up long enough to eat it…”

Hina put in the code to her door and you and Taeyong followed her inside. You said, “I’ll help her put her pajamas on. You don’t have to stay. You’ve helped us out a lot tonight. I really appreciate it.”

Taeyong said, “I’ll stay here at least until she gets settled. I should make sure you get home okay, too.”

“Okay,” you said, before you disappeared with Hina into the bedroom. Thankfully, Hina had had a little bit of time to sober up and she didn’t seem as wobbly before. You pulled out pajamas from her drawers that didn’t match and handed them to her. You turned while Hina got herself undressed.

“I can’t believe I’m this drunk,” she said. “I’m so embarrassed Taeyong saw me like this.”

“It’s fine,” you assured her. “You had a little too much but it’s not like you did anything embarrassing. If you jumped on top of the table and started dancing, that would be a different story.” The two of you laughed for a moment before you turned to her. “Wait, you ordered pizza, right?”

Hina said, “Oh! I almost forgot. The app says it’ll be here in ten minutes. I’m so tired though.” She walked over to her bed. “I don’t care about taking my makeup off or taking a shower right now. Actually, can you just stay here until the pizza comes? I’m just gonna take a little nap. Wake me up when it gets here.” She put her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. She fell asleep almost instantly and you knew that she would give you hell when you tried to wake her up in a few minutes to eat.

You figured you should go to the bathroom before leaving. As you headed down the hall, you tripped over an unknown object, sending you crashing into the wall. As you collided with the wall, you knocked down a photo frame. It plummeted to the hardwood floor, crashing to the floor, the glass shattering.

Before you could blink, Taeyong was by your side, eyes wide and full of concern as you’d also ended up on the floor. “Are you okay? Did you get cut anywhere?” He took your hand, examining it for cuts.

“I think I’m okay,” you said, putting your palm on the floor to help you up.

“Wait,” he said, putting his hand out before you could touch anything. “Let me clean up the glass. There could be some small pieces and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You waited for him to get back with the broom and watched as he swept up every single piece you could see.

“I guess I’ll buy her a new picture frame,” you said, chuckling. “What did I even trip over?” You turned to find one of Hina’s slippers in the middle of the floor. They must’ve come off as you brought her into the bedroom.

Taeyong winced as he picked up the last piece, shaking his hand. “Damn it!”

Your heart dropped as you saw a tiny sliver of blood pour from his finger. You got up, despite his protests, and got Hina’s first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. You called him over to sit on the bathtub edge, next to you, and pulled out a bandage and alcohol wipe.

He sat down and said, “I can do it, you know…”

“It’s fine,” you said, ripping the paper open on the alcohol wipe. You swiped at the blood coming from his cut, causing Taeyong to yelp from the sting. His reaction made you chuckle. He rolled his eyes as you put the bandage on, wrapping it carefully around his finger. “There.”

“Thanks,” he said, smiling at you.

Your eyes met his. The air felt heavy for a few seconds. It felt almost as time stopped. There was this slight tension that you weren’t sure if he felt, too. The few seconds that you had locked eyes felt like hours. The doorbell rang, interrupting the seemingly intimate moment.

“I’ll get it.”

As you predicted, Hina didn’t wake up in time for the pizza. When you attempted to wake her from her drunken state, you were met with protest and crankiness. Despite your best attempts, Hina refused to be pulled or prodded. So, you and Taeyong helped yourselves.

In the middle of your bite, you heard a loud vibrating sound. “Oh,” you said, “my phone!” You realized that you hadn’t paid your phone a single ounce of attention since you’d arrived. Your heart dropped as you realized that it was your boyfriend calling.

You answered. “Hello?”

“Are you okay, babe?”

“Of course. I’m fine.”

“I was worried,” he said. “I was trying to stay awake until you came home but I fell asleep…Why didn’t you text me back?”

“I saw your message but I forgot about it. Hina got a little too drunk, then me and Taeyong helped me get her home…”

“Taeyong?”

“He’s new to the team. I told you, remember?”

“Right,” he said. “Anyway, are you still going to come here? Maybe you should go home instead. I could meet you there?”

“No, it’s okay. We have pizza so I’ll eat a little more and then come there.”

“Use my account and take a taxi, okay? I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“I love you, Y/N. Get here safely, okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, “I will.”

You pressed end and returned to your pizza. To be honest, you felt a little awkward having that conversation in front of Taeyong.

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” he said. “Have you been together long?”

“It’s been about two years,” you explained. “I guess I just don’t talk about him much.”

Taeyong nodded, taking his last bite of pizza. “We should get going,” he said. “Will Hina be okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, “I put a bottle of water on her nightstand and the garbage can is by her bed if she needs to throw up.” You stood up. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”

While you went to the bathroom, Taeyong picked up the paper plates and cleared the counter. He put the pizza box in the fridge and then went to get your coat. By the time you came out, Taeyong had your coat and bag ready for you.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

***

Kun was awake when you arrived. He was sitting on the couch waiting for you, makeup remover and cotton balls ready.

“Hey baby,” he said, a wide smile on his face. “Welcome back.”

“Hi,” you said, sitting next to him. You planted a kiss on his lips with a loud smack. “I’m not that drunk babe. I can take my makeup off.”

He chuckled in response. “A good boyfriend should always be prepared for his drunk girlfriend to come home. They’ll come back too drunk to take off their makeup, they’ll start demanding to order chicken nuggets or they’ll throw you on the bed for sex.”

“I’ve only done those things like once.”

“I mean, you definitely made me go to McDonalds and yelled at me because it was late and they only had breakfast. So, you asked for a McGriddle instead.” As you laughed and reached for the cotton balls, Kun stopped you. “I got it, babe.”

You shrugged and let your boyfriend remove your makeup. He was always so gentle with you; it was as if he thought you might break if he held you too tightly. In that moment, you realized how tired you were. And Kun knew that because he picked you up off of the couch, carrying you into the bedroom. He kissed you as he placed you onto the bed. Before you knew it, he was peeling off your clothes, kissing each spot where he removed something.

You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter with each kiss. When he finally took your panties off, you couldn’t take it anymore. You found yourself climbing on top of him, cupping his face with your hands around his face. You kissed him, pushing your tongue in his mouth.

“What’s with you?” Kun asked, surprised by your forwardness, as he pulled away from you.

“I just want you, babe,” you said, kissing his neck.

“I want you, too,” he said, rolling you over onto your back. He swiped at your pussy, feeling how wet you’d gotten. He hummed in satisfaction. He pushed a finger inside, your wetness covering it. You gasped at the feeling, gripping around his finger. As he added another, you let out a moan. He fingered you for a few moments, driving you crazy. You needed him inside of you and you needed it now.

“Please,” you whined.

At that, he pulled his fingers out. He got on top of you and you used your hands to guide him inside. He plunged deep into you, taking a moment to revel in the feeling. You pulled him closer, wrapping your arms and legs around him. Your lips parted in satisfaction as he began to pull and push himself in and out of you. Kun loved it when you were on your back and he could look deep into your eyes.

You pulled him closer, bringing him into your neck. He kissed it so tenderly with each stroke, allowing a soft moan to come from your lips. He went slow for you, plunging seemingly deeper and deeper into you.

Moments later, he wasn’t going easy on you anymore. He’d bent you over the bed and was pounding you hard, sending you into a frenzy of loud moans in which you were sure the neighbors could hear. And with one last stroke, he came undone with a heavy sigh.

After, you and Kun laid down in bed. Naked bodies pressed against each other, Kun held you in his arms as you began to slowly drift to sleep.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered before pressing his lips to your shoulder. You heard him but couldn’t bring yourself to speak back. It was just seconds before your world went dark.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

LMK if you want to be tagged in the next part! - Part II coming soon!

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xofanfics · 2 years

Note

i swear it’s like johnny wants to go feel bad and side with him and im sorry but i can’t… like sir you went behind her back and cheated and also he was so adamant on not wanting to settle down and or have a family… so i understand why she did what she did and i can’t blame her cause like it’s one thing to be unwanted (even though he wanted her and wanted to fix them, we can’t disregard the fact that he went to find sex and intimacy within someone else ) but it’s the fear of her child being neglected like i know johnny said he was okay with having the baby with her but like i said for someone so adamant on not wanting kids that type of statement lives with you and like why would someone want to give a kid to someone clearly stated they never wanted one regardless of who they were with…

anyways i love your writing and i hope you have an amazing day 🤍

It’s a lot haha. But I’m glad you enjoyed and hope you have a great weekend 🥰 stay tuned for the next parts

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xofanfics · 2 years

Text

Lost in the Dream - Part III

Part I | Part II | Part III

*REQUESTED*

Genre: angst 🥺(get your tissues, people)

Pairing: Reader x Johnny

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Johnny isn’t the type to commit but he was willing to do it with you. When a surprise pops up, things take an unexpected turn.

Johnny didn’t know what to think at that moment. After all this time, he assumed that he would never see or hear from him again. He had so many questions.

What were you doing here? Had you been living in Busan this whole time? Did having an abortion take a toll on your mental health? Did you hate him for what happened and the predicament he’d put you in? Were you…okay? Most importantly, why would you up and leave like that? Without so much as a “I hate you and I never want to see you again” text. Without so much as an “I’m leaving Seoul.” He deserved at least that, didn’t he?

From what he could see you looked exactly the same, just with a more mature look to you. You were never adventurous when it came to your hair but he noticed you had light brown highlights now. He thought they looked nice.

To be honest, seeing you brought about a whirlwind of memories. He remembered the first time he met you, when you were working part time at the convenience store near his best friend’s house. And he found himself going to see Mark more often, just so he could possibly see you. Then he got the courage to ask you if your shift was over soon and if you wanted to get something to eat. You said, “I get off in an hour...I’d also love something to eat.”

And he smiled and said, “See you in an hour.”

That memory made Johnny feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially as he looked into your eyes. You looked shocked, to say the least. But for some reason, you also looked scared. Maybe Johnny was misreading the situation but little did he know that you had been carrying a huge secret on your shoulders all this time.

But Johnny couldn’t help but feel a little hurt seeing you here like this. He hadn’t got a call, a text, or anything of that nature. He just found your apartment with a new person in it and no explanation. He never got any closure with you and that hurt him. It was something he never got over. Since then, he had abandonment issues. He constantly worried whether he was good enough or whether someone would leave him. Unfortunately, those issues had leaked into past relationships and he could admit that those relationships ended at his own hand. But he liked to think that he’d matured a bit since then. He tried his best not to project his own feelings onto anyone else. And he’d vowed not to do that with Hyeri. There were times when he wondered where she was going and who she was going with but he never asked, no matter how much he wanted to.

Before Johnny could ask any questions or make any comments, the young girl from earlier popped up. She looked at him for a moment, with wide, curious eyes, before looking at you. She said, “Mommy, can I have more water?”

Hesitating, you nodded. “I’ll bring you water in a minute, okay? You can go back outside.”

The girl smiled briefly, hugged your leg, and left the two of you alone. This interaction left Johnny uncomfortable because he had some ideas about what happened.

“Y/N?” Johnny felt a little uneasy.

“Uh,” you said, becoming visibly nervous. “Hi, Johnny.”

Johnny bit his lip, gathering his thoughts for a second. “Did you…did you have the baby, Y/N?”

“I…” You tried to find words but you couldn’t. Even if you found words, your jaw was frozen and locked. You didn’t think you could speak, even if you tried.

Tears started building up in Johnny’s eyes. “Did you have the baby?”

You blinked away tears but still couldn’t speak. You turned your head, looking down at the ground instead of meeting his gaze. You felt ashamed, unprepared for this moment. There were a million things you wanted to say if this moment came. The moment had finally come and your mouth was dry.

You were frustrated because you’d been preparing. You were literally on the verge of pressing send on that message. This could’ve been a different scenario and it could’ve been a different conversation. At least in those cases, he would’ve already known. But that was assuming he would’ve seen the messages. You’d tried to prevent the situation from blowing up, but the time had come. And you had no control.

“Is she my daughter?” he asked, voice cracking with every word. “Is that our daughter?” You couldn’t say anything, so you just nodded slowly.

Johnny’s tears finally fell. He didn’t know what to think at that moment. He felt so many things and it was hard to process it all at once.

He was angry because he never had a chance to get to know her. He was angry because he never knew that she existed in the first place. Did she know that she had a dad, a dad that would’ve been willing to do whatever it took to keep her smiling?

He was happy because he had a daughter. Despite finding out now, his heart felt full. He wasn’t sure what the future held but he wanted to know her and to be a good father to her. It was what she deserved since he didn’t have a chance to be there for her. She at least deserved to have him in her life. He wanted to know her. He wanted to know what her favorite color was

Johnny asked, “What’s her name?”

You said, “Aya.”

“That’s pretty…” There was a moment of painful silence before Johnny’s swollen eyes met yours. “Why wouldn’t you tell me? All these years,” he said, shaking his head. “All these years, I had a little girl out there…and I had no idea.”

You but your lip. “I’m sorry, Johnny…I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean for things to get like this.”

“Sorry? You just disappeared that day. I looked for you, Y/N, and eventually I just gave up because I figured that maybe you didn’t want to be found. But I gave up under the assumption you got the abortion…” He wiped a tear with the back of his hand. “Who would’ve thought you would have the baby?”

“I changed my mind about having an abortion…and I knew you didn’t really want to have a baby..”

“I know I might’ve said certain things back then but I was...just scared!”

“I was scared, too, Johnny! As time passed, I couldn’t face you. It got harder and harder.”

Johnny’s heart dropped. “So you were going to let her grow up without me? Without knowing that I’m her dad? Even if I wasn’t planning on having kids at the time, I at least deserved to know! I would’ve taken responsibility and I would’ve raised her with you...whether we were together or not. I know that I didn’t do right by you and maybe you had your doubts about me being a father. But I would never choose to abandon my child. I know you have your own idea of who I am but believe me when I say that I’m not the same person I was back then, Y/N!”

“I’m so sorry, Johnny…I know that nothing I say can make any of this better. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I was planning on reaching out to you while I was here. Please believe that. I found your Instagram and I even started typing a message to you,” you said, taking out your phone. You showed him the message you’d started typing out. “I started but didn’t finish. I didn’t have a chance to press send and I ended up meeting you like this.”

Johnny looked at the message and he knew you were telling the truth. He bit his lip. Still, this was a lot for him to process. But this was reality. Neither one of them could build a Time Machine, get in it, and go back to simpler times. They couldn’t change how things played out and this was the result.

All Johnny could think about was about the fact that he had a daughter and that he was a father. He was overwhelmed with emotions. He’d seen her earlier and he wasn’t able to put his finger on why he felt some strange connection to her, but now everything made sense. The little girl he assumed just looked like another child he’d seen before was his daughter. She was his daughter and from what he saw of her, she seemed to have some of his features.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do to change the past right?” He took out his cellphone and handed it to you. “Can I have your number? Do you live in Busan now?”

As you put your number in his phone, you said, “Japan, actually. In Fukuoka.”

“Wow,” Johnny said. “That’s a little further than I thought…”

“I just got here, so I’ll be here for a couple more days. Do you live in Busan now?”

Johnny shook his head. “I live in Seoul, still. I was supposed to go back on Monday but I can cancel the flight and go back to Seoul later in the week. I just want to have a chance to know her…”

“Of course, Johnny,” she said. “Do you, um, want to meet her now?”

“I think this is a weird time. I want to meet her properly. Are you busy tomorrow?”

“I was going to take Aya to the beach. We can meet up before or after. Or, I mean, you can come with us. I think she’d like that.”

“I’ll be there. Just give me the name of the beach and a time.”

You gave him a small smile. “Okay, I haven’t decided what time yet but I’ll let you know.”

Johnny wasn’t sure what to expect when he got back to the table. Hyeri said, “You took a while. Did the prawns go right through you?” She let out a laugh but Johnny didn’t return her laughter.

Reality was starting to hit him now, as Hyeri raised her eyebrows. He had a daughter, he realized. He had a daughter. Not only did he have no idea, he realized that Hyeri didn’t know either. This wasn’t something he could hide from her. He also didn’t want to hide it. It wasn’t his fault that this happened. It was unexpected but this was his new reality.

“Are you okay?” Hyeri asked, a moment later once Johnny started staring off into space with her first question unanswered.

The reality was that he was glancing back and forth from the table to his daughter, who was still sitting across the patio at the table from earlier. She’d switched chairs by now, opting for the seat facing the sun. She was peeking through her fingers at the sun, seemingly amazed by the vibrant colors of the sunset.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m fine. Let’s eat.” Johnny grabbed her bowl and began pouring the clam soup that had arrived while he was talking to you. He poured some for himself and they both started eating.

Hyeri thought it was strange that Johnny wasn’t talking. The soup was good, amazing actually. And she thought it was strange that Johnny had absolutely nothing to say about it. He had become a bit of a foodie and usually he’d comment on the taste or say that he’d come again, or something of that nature. But Johnny was dead silent. The only sound that was heard was the clinking of their spoons against their bowls.

Hyeri, unable to leave it alone, said, “You’re acting weird.”

Johnny was fed up. Hyeri wasn’t doing anything that warranted being angry, but Johnny couldn’t help but feel angry. He’d just received this news and Hyeri was pressing him. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep this from her or lie to her about it, but it seemed like a weird time to bring it up. In an ideal world, they’d be at home and he’d sit her down and explain things calmly. Ideally, they wouldn’t have had anything to drink, just to ensure that there were no heightened emotions. Ideally, you and Aya wouldn’t be under the same roof. Hyeri wasn’t the type to lash out, or was she? The more Johnny thought about it, the more he realized he didn’t have the best understanding of her behavior. They hadn’t dealt with any big issues and hadn’t had a big argument. She was a bit spoiled, but that was pretty much all Johnny knew. After all, it’d only been a couple months.

Finally, Johnny took a deep breath and said, “I have something to tell you…”

She raised her eyebrows, anticipating his answer. She was just confused as to what could’ve possibly happened during his five minute or so trip to the bathroom. “What is it?”

“I found out that I have a baby…”

Hyeri frowned. “A baby? What do you mean, a baby?”

Johnny looked up to glance at Aya and found that you were coming out of the restaurant with the cup of water Aya had requested just a few minutes ago. Seeing you just now made Johnny feel worse about telling Hyeri. And it didn’t help that Hyeri turned around to see just what the hell Johnny was so intrigued by.

Interestingly enough, Hyeri didn’t put two and two together in that moment. Johnny was grateful. The last thing he wanted was for there to be a scene in the restaurant, especially not as a group of three made their way onto the patio.

You spoke. “Hi, welcome. Would you like to sit inside or outside?”

One of the men in the group said, “It’s a bit hot, right? Let’s sit inside.” And with that, they followed you inside to be seated.

Johnny’s attention went back to his still-confused girlfriend. She said, “Did you have a baby on the way when you started dating me? How old is this baby?”

“She’s going to be four soon.”

Her face twisted into a look of confusion and anger. “And you’re just finding out? How is that possible, Johnny?”

“It’s a long story,” he said, “but the point is that I have a daughter. I know it sounds strange b-”

“Wait,” she said, interrupting Johnny’s sentence, “you told me about your ex before. You said she was pregnant and got an abortion. Is it her or is it someone else?”

“It’s her.”

“How the fuck is that possible, Johnny? Why are you lying to me right now?”

“I’m not lying,” he said. “How could I lie about something like this?”

“It just doesn’t make sense. She had an abortion. Did you get her pregnant again after that? I thought you two broke up…”

“We did break up and I thought she did get an abortion but she didn’t.”

“And you believe her? How do you even know that kid is yours?”

“She’s not that kind of person.”

“How would you know? Didn’t you say she up and left town?”

“She did but…”

“But what? What kind of person hides their kid for four years and doesn’t tell the father anything?”

At that point, Hyeri had a good argument. But he knew you and he knew that both of you had your faults. You were angry and upset. He didn’t think you were innocent in doing this and, of course, he was hurt by the decisions you’d made but he wasn’t going to put all the blame on you. He also played a part, but he wasn’t going to put the blame on himself either. You were both at fault in this situation but he wasn’t going to place more or less blame on either of you. What was the point, after all? The point was that Johnny had a daughter that he needed to take care of and be there for.

Johnny was angry with you for what you’d done but his desire to be a father overshadowed that. It would take some time to forgive you, he was sure, but it wasn’t going to be helpful for him to hold it against you for so long.

“Stop,” Johnny said. “Whatever happened, happened, Hyeri. The point is that I have a daughter and I’m going to spend some time with her tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? What about our plans?”

“Yes, tomorrow. Our plans will have to wait.”

“You didn’t even fucking know you had a kid fifteen minutes ago!”

“I know this is hard to accept but I thought you’d be a little more supportive of me, of this!”

“You’re insane!”

“Insane?” Johnny said, finally starting to get angry and his patience running thin. “Insane because I have a daughter? Insane because I want to be there for her and be a fucking dad like she deserves?”

“You don’t even know if she’s yours,” she muttered.

At that point, Johnny felt like he was going to lose it. “Look at that little girl over there and tell me she doesn’t look like me!”

Hyeri’s angry expression didn’t fade as she turned toward Aya. She watched the girl for a moment as she got out of her chair, heading toward the restaurant. She made a face, Hyeri noticed, that was very similar to an expression Johnny made. Was this really his child? She had a million questions for what was happening here.

“Mommy!” she called before being met with you at the door.

“Are you hungry now? We should eat. Uncle can make something yummy, okay?”

And, in that moment, Hyeri put everything together. Johnny hadn’t wanted to expose either of you but he just got so angry that he couldn’t help himself. Hyeri slid back in her chair. “Unbelievable,” she said loudly, before storming off into the evening.

On a normal day, Johnny would’ve gone after her to try to talk things out. But Johnny was angry at how coldly she reacted. He was angry at the fact that she referred to Aya as “that kid.” On a normal day, Johnny would’ve tried to make things work and to make both parties happy. But today was not a normal day by any means.

Johnny didn’t watch her walk away. If Hyeri was walking out of his life and Aya was walking into his life, that was an outcome that he was okay with.

When Johnny got back to the hotel that night, Hyeri was gone and so were her things. To be honest, Johnny was relieved. How she reacted to the news was upsetting. He didn’t expect her to be happy, obviously, but he also didn’t expect her to question your character. You were wrong, yes. Johnny knew that and, apparently, so did Hyeri. But he didn’t appreciate the fact that Hyeri implied that Aya wasn’t his. By implying that, she was implying that you were the type to sleep around. And, to be honest, even if you were that type, it was none of Hyeri’s business.

Johnny thought about all of these things as he walked to the beach location you’d asked him to meet you and Aya at. He found some beach toys for her; he figured he should at least have a gift ready for her upon their first meeting.

Last night, Johnny was texting you asking all about Aya. He found out that blue was her favorite color and that she liked listening to Twice. He found out that she preferred Japanese food over Korean food, that she spoke Japanese and Korean, and that she loved swimming. She also loved watching Disney movies and that she must’ve watched Encanto a million times.

There were so many things Johnny wanted to do with her. He wanted to take her to an amusement park and to a children’s museum. He wanted her to see Seoul, the place where he lived. He wanted her to see Chicago, the place that he was born and raised. He wanted her to meet her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a handful of cousins. He hadn’t told his parents just yet but he knew that Aya would love them and vice versa. Before he told anyone else, he at least wanted to meet her.

He saw you before you saw him. He hated to say it but you looked like a typical mom on beach duty with the kids. You wore a white one-piece bathing suit, with a large beach hat. and Aya setting up a towel in the sand. You looked pretty today, regardless of what you were wearing. Johnny wasn’t sure why but seeing you was throwing him off a bit. It wasn’t that his feelings for you came rushing back but he never had closure with you and, seeing you here like this made him feel like you were picking up where you left off.

Johnny shook those thoughts out of his head. It was crazy to just expect things to go back to how they were, years ago, before all of this. But he couldn’t help but imagine how things would’ve been different and how the three of you could’ve made it work. Maybe you wouldn’t have wanted to get back together but…maybe you would’ve come around. He had no idea where the three of you were going but he was glad that Aya had a mother as amazing as you were.

Aya looked up at him, sensing someone coming near. Johnny smiled brightly at her and waved. Then, you turned, wondering who Aya was looking at. Before Johnny could utter a proper greeting to either of you, Aya smiled and said, “Hajimemashite!” Johnny wasn’t sure what she said but it seemed positive. Whatever it was, it was cute.

You let out a laugh and said, “Your dad isn’t from Japan, remember?”

Aya giggled as Johnny sat down next to you. “Oops.”

“Hi, Aya,” he said. To be honest Johnny wanted to wrap his arms around her and lift her up until she complained that she wanted to get down. But to her, Johnny was a stranger and he knew that he would have to work up to that point. You told him that Aya was friendly, but a bit on the shy side.

She stood up and walked toward him with wide, curious eyes. She tilted her head to the side, almost analyzing him for a moment or two. Neither you or Johnny said anything as Aya stared at Johnny. Suddenly, she wrapped her arms around him and said, “Hi, Daddy.”

And, at that, Johnny couldn’t help but shed some tears. Aya noticed and pulled away with concern. She said, “Are you sad, Daddy?”

And Johnny looked up at his daughter and smiled. “No, I’m just happy. I’m really happy I got to meet you…”

This time, Johnny hugged her, holding her for a moment as she pat his back. She felt perfect in his arms. This was true happiness, Johnny thought, and his half empty, half full glass had finally been filled.

***

General Taglist: @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

"Lost in the Dream" Taglist: @justineasian @midnightflare @koreansimss @joepomonerof @reagiie @peachyciroq @lolo101444-blog @happyhoonie @ellenthemelon0 @sassy-author @chunbyun @ohnamson @wanlore @jenos-dreamie @maximumdreamchild @babihhh @cloudyhoonie @anonymousreader @ellatizw @bitchenderyy @coolkimchijoy16 @cesqx @lookingforangst @pckeia @dialosthermind @tyongpoetry @chitaphrrrr @binsoomi @johnbananaa-blog @aa-ronpa @bakedcheesypotatoes @calssunflower @laylasbunbunny

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS PART. THANK YOU FOR READING, AS ALWAYS!

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