#like that shit is all forgiven now bc they’re back together? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mackleboar · 9 months

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Having a tumblr is cool bc I can in fact just whine about my divorce into the void and no one has to know. That it’s me, that I’m whining… whatever

The reasons are sound. They’re good reasons. There is no way that right now we’d be able to fix what we need to fix while holding each other up bc the ways that we hold each other up are 1. Sometimes toxic and 2. Sunken into our flesh as part of our support. Like trees that ate a fence.

Like trees that ate each other. Lol

And I need so much self fixing. It’s like the drinking where like as long as drinking’s the problem you don’t have to look at you. And as long as they’re mentally ill (spoiler, it’s for forever) I don’t have to look at me.

I haven’t been having as much trouble staying sober the last few weeks. And I’ve felt more crazy but that doesn’t feel bad. And I’ve seen more things more clearly because of how bad I’ve felt. And that works too.

I don’t want anyone in my life that I don’t want to be family. And I want to be able to work through shit early. And I want people who make me feel brave.

Us together didn’t feel brave. Not because leavings hard. It is. But it didn’t feel brave because I was compromising my bravery to make them feel safe. And the walls kept closing in because that is… impossible.

We’re both going to have to face ourselves in different ways on this side. I am going to have to become someone I actually like and trust and give time and attention to. Which doesn’t sound like much but feels impossible. I’m going to have to become the person I rely on instead of the person someone else relies on, that feels unhinged. Like who would do that for me? Who would care unconditionally?

It’ll have to be me. And pre divorce I guess that sounded like pouring from an empty cup. Like it was so insulting, I was furious at the thought. Now it just sounds impossible. And THAT my friends is progress

The grief comes both at random and every night at like 9:36 PM. And there’s something so sweet about that because the consistent thing that I hated and that kept me so much healthier is that they had to go to bed so fucking early. And so that would have been like wind down time. And I think that was their time to just be, and so I got to just be next to them. Which didn’t happen much. And I hadn’t thought about it til now but I think my body knows. I miss that. I mean it has to have been regulating. Especially since I was the only one who slept.

When we got back from the break and we’re living together again I would sleep. Right away.

That’s probably the first thing I should try to give myself. The gift of not working late. Even though so much of me so badly wants to all the time. But that’s not a person I can trust, right. That voice. That voice is a teenager. A 16 year old.

It’s so hard because the thing that drove me, initially, was that I had a sudden loss of trust in them and a sudden sense they didn’t care. And then the breakup and the fallout. But after that, living with them, was like getting to see the other side of attachment. And it had been since before Covid, but I remember that side coming out the year after phoenix and the revelations etc. I had forgotten what that felt like. But it was in there, it’s not like it was a lie.

I don’t like to think about it too long because I don’t want to regret. But like if we take the pandemic as a particularly cruel test and look at our trajectory before that it was so promising. But I also kind of lost that person the moment the pandemic hit and that was too long.

The bad shit… I don’t know if it’s too much to get over. Now that I’ve had more time I do feel like the first few years could have been forgiven by now if there weren’t so much new shit to deal with. But I haven’t had time, mostly accumulation.

But it’s not about how well I can forgive, it’s about me becoming everything I have to be. Exhausting

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i-anonymous-crow · 2 years

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SO. How are we feeling, eh? That was certainly SOMETHING, wasn't it? I'm kind of still riding high on the wave of adrenaline, inspiration, hilarity and outrage that finale inspired in me. What about you? Would you rather go back to that state of perpetual waiting and uncertainty before the lore dropped, or are you at peace with how things turned out?

I mean the stream ended and I started crying soooooo

like, the emotions I experienced were a WILD ride. There were gut wrenching moments (there’s still one person you haven’t forgiven, Will) and then ???????? Parts and then holy shit I was crying and now I’m laughing bc it’s Tommy and wilbur

I think, I can be at peace with this ending. Because when I stop and think about what my ‘ideal ending’ for cWilbur would be, the only thing on that list is not being dead. That character has preserved through the most hellish of situations, and it would have destroyed me had he survived all this and tried his best to change and improve and find it in himself to forgive that had his character not made it to the end of the stream I would be inconsolable

I feel like the range of emotions encapsulated between the crime boys was fitting. It was authentic and real and filled with so much emotion. They started together, and they’re finishing together, bc in the end it was always them. Wars and betrayal and death and lies and still cTommy never hesitated to stand by cWilbur’s side. It just wouldn’t have been right had cWilbur left him, an all interpretations of that.

and I think that this last final lore bit was an homage to that, being able to encapsulate everything their characters meant and believe in, managing to intertwine so many different faces of their characters into under an hour.

and phuck yeah that Utah ending slapped me in the face, and yeah maybe I don’t fully get it. Maybe it’s the groundwork for something bigger or maybe it’s wilbur throwing it in there as a gag just bc, but it just makes me think about how different he is from the young man who opened a hot dog van all that time ago.

#*finally runs out of breath and deeply inhales*#anyway yeah that came out way longer than I had expected #but I’ve had some time to process all of this #An ask! :D

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adorascake · 3 years

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i just think that an au where namaari joins raya early on and they travel the world together for years searching for sisu would be cool.

like she wouldn’t join right away, but maybe after a year or so she and raya cross paths and when she learns what raya’s trying to do she asks to join her. she’s still a child who has some hope in her and hasn’t completely been turned into a rationalist by her mother, so she really wants to believe that they can bring sisu back and save the world. raya’s hesitant at first, but she reluctantly lets namaari tag along because she seems genuine (she definitely lays a heavy threat though about what she’ll do to namaari if namaari betrays her again). weeks, then months pass, and namaari still hasn’t betrayed her, so raya finally begins to let down her walls a little. before then, she was closed off and refused to be friendly or nice like she used to be (namaari ofc comments on this at some point like “i thought heart preached kindness and trust” and raya just responds bitterly with something like “yeah well look where that got us”), but once she starts to believe namaari can be trusted, she opens up a little, and namaari gets to see that 12 year old girl who had bonded with her over dragons again.

they become close friends, always looking out for each other and being fiercely protective of one another. they’re practically fugitives on the run because fang is always on patrol in every land, looking for their princess who just disappeared from her scouting team one day, not a trace of her to be found. if they find out namaari is with raya, and what they’re doing, shit will hit the fan, so they have to hide themselves all the time. they can’t trust anyone but one another. raya probably tells namaari at one point to change her hair to make her less recognizable, but namaari can’t go that far. she’ll change her clothes, go by a fake name if they have to go to a market or somewhere around people, but she won’t change her hair, so she results to just keeping her head covered when they’re not alone.

anyway, being all the other has and being on the run at all times, whether it’s from fang or from people from the other lands or bandits or the druun, makes them grow really close. their bond is stronger than just friends—they know one another like the back of their hands, from how the other fights to their mannerisms when they feel a certain way to their biggest fears, physical and mental. they can pretty much hold a conversation without saying a word, just exchanging looks.

as their bond grows and they get older, they start feeling...a pull toward one another. namaari is the type to run from her feelings, and raya is the type to keep quiet about hers but be totally obvious about them in her actions, so they’re literally a mess. namaari doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they’ve cultivated, and it just feels wrong that she’s caught feelings for the person she once betrayed (something she still hasn’t forgiven herself for, even though raya has). raya is terrible at hiding the way she feels (the amount of times she’s been caught staring or “accidentally” grazing her skin against namaari’s is astronomical), but she never vocalizes them, not directly anyway. namaari is perceptive and notices these things, but tells herself it has to be nothing because raya could never like her like that. raya also has herself convinced that someone like namaari could never have feelings for someone like raya—namaari is sophisticated, sharp, and organized, while raya is simply all over the place. she’s intelligent for sure, but she’s irrational at times and dives headfirst into things without thinking first. she’s overconfident and cocky and messy, so surely namaari would rather be with someone who has more class and dignity.

they dance around one another for a while, maybe a couple years even. it starts off as harmless attraction when they’re younger, both believing it’s just teenage hormones and the fact that they’re all the other has, but as time goes on, their feelings grow and blossom and become harder and harder to control. by 17, they’re in love, but neither has said a thing. maybe something dramatic like one of them getting hurt and the other having to take care of them finally brings their feelings to the surface. anyway, they eventually succumb and kiss (let’s be honest it would probably be making out lmao), and afterwards, raya asks namaari if that was all just a heat of the moment thing, or if it was genuine, and namaari asks her what she wants it to be, so raya tells her genuine, and they finally admit how they feel and enter a relationship together. really, nothing much has changed between them, they can now just openly flirt with one another and be extra touchy (touch starved babies) and kiss and,,,*cough* do other things.

the movie events are mostly the same, but this time it’s fang chasing both of them after they were spotted stealing the dragon scroll. virana doesn’t care about the scroll, but she does care about the fact that a guard recognized one of the thieves as the princess, even with her head wrapping and after all these years. they bring back sisu, meet boun and tong and noi, but maybe they’re separated in spine? namaari goes to talk to the army to try and persuade them to leave, hoping that her status as their “lost princess” will hold some ground, but unfortunately, she’s captured and taken back to fang. the others have no choice but to leave, and raya is devastated, but determined to get her back and fix things. they travel to fang, where virana claims to have namaari locked up as a traitor, and it comes to them having to hand over sisu and the dragon gem pieces for namaari. except,,,namaari comes out during the exchange, completely unharmed, and raya is locked up for “kidnapping” the princess and to keep her from trying to stop them, and sisu and the gem pieces are taken away. this betrayal ofc breaks raya’s heart, and she’s so, so confused. namaari plays up the whole “we can still be together once this is all over, but fang needs to be the land to save everyone,” bc her mother is there, but raya won’t have it and practically spits in her face out of anger. not much later, namaari returns with their friends and frees raya bc aha it was all a ploy to get fang’s gem. she would’ve informed raya of her plans, but she needed her mother to believe the betrayal, plus she had thought of them on the spot back in spine and there was little time to explain then, so she’s genuinely sorry for hurting raya like that. raya, still very much mad, does something like punch namaari in the gut (“okay, yeah, i deserve that”) before pulling her into a deep kiss. the others are like *pikachu shocked face* bc the two of them hadn’t exactly disclosed their relationship to any of their friends since it’s always been a private thing for them. sisu is just the biggest shipper and is like “i knew it!! i fucking knew it!!” anyway, there’s a big fight, sisu still dies somehow and everyone turns to stone, and the happy ending is practically the same🖤

#raya and the last dragon #ratld #raya #namaari #rayaari #rayamaari #would i ever write this?#probably not lmao #maaaaybe snippets from when it’s just the two of them #before the movie events and such #but someone else should do it for me JEJDJEJ #i only made a long ranty post bc i have mostly no intentions to EVER write this

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 3 years

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honestly one of my worst crush rejections from high school was when my years 9-12 crush (let’s call him rich boy) decided to do one of those stupid “like this status and i’ll…..” trend fb statuses that were big when i was in late high school back in 2011-2013….. and it was “like this and i’ll pair you with someone/something for shit & giggles!”. unfortunately for teen me, rich boy decided to pair himself with one of the girls in my group at catholic school, a post which had a load of likes….. while he paired me with fucking lord voldemort (leave me be i was still a hella HP stan at that age). but the post on MY timeline had received no likes but mine (i think) and a like on the weird asf comment that i’d made on it from one of our friends from catholic school.

like 17yo me liked rich boy’s status all bc she just wanted to see if he’d be nice to her on fb bc she was partly getting over the crush by then (mid 2013)…. but she was still hoping he’d write something stupidly romantic like “you’re the elizabeth bennett to my darcy” or some other jane austen pairing; even though she’d never bothered to read jane austen books back then lmao. or even “you’re the hermione granger to my ron weasley” (again LEAVE ME BE) or some other harry potter themed relationship lmao.

obvs it was all bc a couple of years earlier, rich boy had decided at our year 10 formal to hold one of teen me’s high heels up for her when it’d come off in a dance circle lmao. or at that point, she was even happy to be paired with his best friend that he kept trying to hint at her on some joke statuses with flirtatious undertones; that she should go out with him by tagging that friend on them lol.

the crush was also based on the one term long drama group assignment we did together in year 9, and the one (1) seemingly flirtatious comment he’d made to 14yo me in year 9/2010 when i had that short-lived typical train-wreck teen relationship with clear braces boy…. where rich boy and a couple of his friends decided to sit with us (ie to harass us) on the wooden benches at back of year 9/10 lunch area, which were playground hot property for groups to sit on.

but the point is that the flirtatious comment came out as if to sound that rich boy was jealous about that teen me was “off the market” so to speak lmao. but i remember with the drama group assignment, i hated rich boy at the start and wanted to change groups 😂, even asking my teacher to change me to another one. but he made me stay in the group with rich boy to “learn to work with him” lmao 😂😅. i was so overdramatic back then. and then i got the crush on RB like a sickness for 3 years. the jokes’ on me, as usual lol 🙄😂.

she also was holding out secretly that hopefully rich boy was staying at tafe (technical college) with her bc he liked being with her and also wanted to keep her safe from her stalker/creeper from public school (although let’s be real here, he really couldn’t do much about that lmao, that was more her job to deal with and not his) and in general she hoped he was just staying to keep her updated on what was happening at that school when her group from catholic school had stopped talking to her by mid 2013….

when looking back now, he was probs staying bc he was the top of our small tafe theatre tech class along with me lmao… so he was staying there for the good marks and not teen me’s company at all. on top of it all, by the end of the course, i’d stopped talking to him anyway. like 17/18yo me really had a rosy view of everything lmao.

and also, i haven’t seen rich boy (and by extension also clear braces boy although that’s more than 10 years now lol) in almost 10 years now lmao. i legit forgot that he existed for a while bc he never updates his fb; except when something big happens or when he gets tagged in something. or i’m also reminded that he exists when he likes one of my selfies/i update my dp or whatever else; albeit those times are obvs very, very few and far between. and like…. i’ve pretty much forgiven him for the above. bc god. we were both fucking dickhead assholes. and i suppose i should’ve actually expected some stupid witty pairing like voldemort or the like….. and not a real one lmao….. bc after all, we were always sassy/witty/sarcastic/snarky to each other at catholic school; so we had to play that bs out on our fb interactions as well.

which looking back, didn’t breed a good friendship with us either. considering i only ever went to him for rude tit-for-tat conversations, where i always made sure that i got the last quick-witted word in with criticising him when people were around us; and nothing deep and meaningful or serious lmao. bc to teen me, he was only good to talk to for a laugh mostly… but when we did try to talk about other things it was stilted and awkward; bc we didn’t really know how to be consistently nice to each other when we were alone lmao.

and tafe is also where l learnt that we didn’t really have much in common (besides liking 1-2 of the same emo bands- and things like him going to soundwave (ie aussie warped tour/slam dunk fest etc back then)… where i literally posted flirtatiously on his wall one that that i “hated” him for going to it and also made pointed statuses at him about it lmao) like lonely 14-18yo me thought we did lmao.

for example: rich boy was super into classic cinema (one of his projects in our tafe course was building a model house from alfred hitchcock’s psycho), game of thrones and quentin tarantino movies and also he loved basketball…. while i was still obsessed with harry potter as i said earlier, and still into pretty little liars and into the “…….next top model” reality tv juggernaut with australia’s and america’s next top model and the E! celeb channel; amongst other things. i loathed and despised sport, and most especially basketball lmao. i actually tried to read asoiaf/watch GOT bc he liked it lmao (and also had friends at public school who were into it)…. but i couldnt bring myself to do it at the time. like we weren’t compatible at all lmao. but teen me didn’t get it.

but yeah. unrequited teen crushes suck. so, to all of my younger followers, if i have any: if your crush acts like this don’t waste time on thinking they’ll be nice to you lmao; and drop that crush like a hot fucking potato. bc if they’re mean to you (which is what i was running under from all the shitty tween/teen shows i was watching at the time) it defs means that they do NOT like you romantically lmao. fuck that noise.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #and this why i’m not dating #bc i can’t deal with this level of rejection again lmao

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over-under-through1 · 4 years

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greens headcannons greens headcannons greens headcannons greens headcannon-

Anon, thank you you’ve finally given me an excuse to make this post

HERE WE GO

Butch is BC’s bitch. there, i said it. this boy is BEYOND whipped

BC is so protective of Butch and if anyone (this includes his brothers, yes BC has told Brick off for being too much of a dick to Butch) fuck with him she’ll mess them up

Butch steals things from Buttercups bag in class until she notices cause he wants her attention likes to annoy her

before they get together Butch gets weirdly jealous when BC calls either of his brothers hot, but he doesn’t understand why (yes he does he’s just too much of a coward to admit he likes her)

Butch can rap, Buttercup dies whenever she hears it but tries to contain herself

BC is more dominate in the relationship than Butch

Buttercup once convinced Butch she could speak Italian by speaking pig latin around him and she got all of their friends and family in on the joke so now Butch just thinks she knows Italian

Butch’s nicknames for BC are Butters, Cuppy, Fire cracker, Tic tac, and Freddy Krueger. there is a story behind every single one of those names that i may share one day

Buttercup’s nicknames for Butch are Dumbass, Jack ass, Butchy Boy, Alien head, Asswipe, Spike, and Bitch. Butch will respond with no hesitation to any of the above, but if anyone else calls him those he will *intense Butch glare* at them until they feel threatened and/or uncomfortable

in my AU the Powerpuff Girls (and Rowdyruff Boys because they joined their team, thanks) have like... a fan base. i mean, how could they not? they’re famous monster fighters. so, said fan base makes art of them. and a token shirt BC wears in most of this art is the “Nut daddy” shirt. she got so much fan art of this that Butch ended up commissioning Bubbles into making it into a real shirt and gave it to Buttercup as a gag gift. she loved it. like a lot.

this fan base also makes fan fictions because once again, they’re famous so like... it’s a given. Butch indulges in reader x Buttercup fics and refreshes the Buttercup Utonium/Butch tag on AO3 at least 4 times a day

Buttercup sits on Butches lap

they’re super straight forward with their feelings, resulting in barley any fights, but when they do fight they give each other space for the day and meet up at the end to apologize. 9 times out of 10 they’ve cooled down and forgiven each other

their dates are just sitting on the couch or Buttercup’s bed watching B rated horror films, or sparring sessions

when they get together they never actually say it out loud or tell anyone, they just let people figure it out for themselves (it’s not that it’s a secret, they just don’t care about what others think of it enough to actually make an announcement). this creates a townsville betting pool surrounding the status of their relationship

the only people who know for sure are their siblings, Mitch, Mike, Robin, and Pablo but they keep their mouths shut because A.its super funny watching all of townsville freak out and B.they know it’s not their place to tell

Butch is very clingy and likes to be touching BC at all times in any way, even if it’s small. most of the time it’s subtle but if you look very carefully you can spot Butches finger sneaking its way into the sleeve of Buttercup’s hoodie

Butch and Buttercup know each other so well that they can basically read each other’s minds. yup. i’ll die on this hill, you can rip this headcannon from my cold lifeless hands

okay fine i’ll expand on it. they can’t literally read each other’s minds, they can just read each other’s facial expressions really well. Buttercup’s eyebrow raises slightly? she’s intrigued by what someone said/did. Butch’s lip twitched? he’s pissed off, time to cool down the irritable green rowdy. and so on and so fourth

i’ve said this a lot to basically everyone i know so i’ll say it again here: when they first say “I love you” they literally don’t even notice. it’s on the way out of the apartment they share as they’re about to go to class and one of them, halfway out the door, says “okay bye love you” and the other just replies “love you too see ya”. they don’t realize they said it until 3 hours later in the middle of (separate) class(es), where their heads bolt up then they just go “oh my god i- huh. okay. cool. well anyways back to school”

CHILDREN HAHAHAHA THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE HEADCANNONS

Butch and Buttercup avoid the whole “b name” thing like the plauge. they purposely don’t name any of their kids (they have three if you’re wondering) b names. but in the process of avoiding it, they get so distracted with what NOT to name their kids that they don’t even notice when they accidentally give them all J names. Bubbles and Boomer point it out while Butch and Buttercup are in the middle of making fun of them for naming their own kids all B names. this causes Butch and Buttercup to freeze then blow up, threatening to go to city hall and change their kids names

they’re the type of parents to curse around their children and Bubbles hates it

she’s outraged when their first born’s first word is shit. Buttercup and Butch just scream-laugh while the reds are in the back quietly chuckling as Boomer tries to calm down his seething wife

this was fun! thanks for the ask, maybe i’ll do the reds and blues in the future (also sorry if some of these seem off, it’s 2am over here and i’m tired)

#anonymous ask #ask #grace answers #the powerpuff girls #the rowdyruff boys #butch ppg #buttercup ppg #butchercup #greens ppg #blossom ppg #brick ppg #bubbles ppg #boomer ppg #blossick #boomubbles #as time goes by ppg #sbj more than human #ppg #rrb

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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 4 years

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10.16: a certain doom

spoilers (both general and caryl) under the cut:

the episode iiiiiissss not super worth the six month wait (like in general, not vis a vis caryl)

it’s marginally more exciting than the penultimate episode

marginally

i think the problem is they utilized time poorly, so the attack on hilltop was Amazing, but then they accidentally forgot to make the end of the war suspenseful or interesting lol

that being said, it had its moments, so let’s break it down, shall we?

first off, caryl have a brief scene in the beginning in the stairwell where daryl is telling carol that michonne left, and he’s like “everybody leaves and then i never see them again :( “ and carol is like “...i haven’t left” and daryl goes “-sure jan-” and leaves carol looking like a hurt puppy bc she thinks he still hasn’t forgiven her/never really will, more on that later

lydia and carol have a scene where lydia is like:

and carol was like “that’s cuz you should hate me and shouldn’t try and look to me for advice, go find your own way in life” and lydia says “k i’m not asking you to be my mom, i’m asking if we can be bros, but w/e, i’m sure this conversation isn’t foreshadowing to an event that will happen later”

more on that later

princess & crew broke their bikes so they were running late to the rendezvous, and eugene was about to give up, but zeke gave an empowering speech about Never Giving Up (which is kinda weird coming from a dude with cancer whose wife left him and whose son got murdered, but w/e, you get on with your optimistic self, zeke) and convinced him to carry on, more on that later

(here’s an exclusive sneak peek at the scene tho:)

there’s a two hour long scene of our main peeps walking through the giant horde covered in guts, which would be more interesting if they didn’t do that all the time

beatrice got eaten which would have been more of a bummer if i remembered who beatrice was

it did get lydia involved in the fight tho, so that’s something

side note: negan gave lydia alpha’s mask as if it was supposed to be symbolic or something, instead of incredibly traumatizing to this little girl whose abusive mother just got her head chopped off, like couldn’t she have just put guts on like the other people? ok, my dude, way to be a surrogate father figure ig

while carol is still stuck in the horde daryl asks where carol is, which has been the majority of his lines this season

they try to lead the horde away by blasting talking heads, which is a little on the nose but entertaining nonetheless, but then carol had to go and say “protect the horses,” which is a guarantee that the horses will get eaten, bc it’s twd, so whomp whomp, they lose their apparently only plan for leading the horde away

(how have they not learned better by now?)

(better question: how are there any horses left??)

daryl has an unintentionally funny line where he’s like, “k so this is a super shitty idea, and i am aware of that, but let’s just go fucking kill all of the whisperers”

lydia then volunteers to go throw herself off a cliff to get rid of the horde, and daryl brushes her off, more on that later

anyway they go and just. kill all the whisperers ig? including beta? whose death took like two seconds and involved a brief flashback montage and was incredibly anticlimactic for how fucking badass he was (negan draws him away, daryl stabs him the eyes, which was kinda cool, and then he goes and stands in the middle of the horde and smiles wistfully while he’s eaten alive, like a normal person would do)

up at headquarters gabriel is about to get murdered by whisperers, but then maggie and her masked friend somehow make it past the entire horde and up the stairs in time to save him

sure

cut to lydia leading the entire horde to the cliff, but then carol jumps in and tells her to go and that she’ll do it, and is about to go for a fun tumble, BUT THEN lydia pulls her away and they have a brief argument about it

their whole plotline this episode is very:

anyway

what follows is what’s meant to be a heartwarming scene between the two of them where they put aside all their baggage and hug each other and realize they’re stronger together than at odds, and objectively it’s a good scene, but i couldn’t stop laughing bc they kept showing the walkers falling off the cliff and it looked SO STUPID, it was hilarious

they just. literally kept just stepping off the cliff and falling like bricks askdfljs

and then lydia went and threw alpha’s mask off the cliff and that Did Not make it less funny

idk, i’m probably just a bad person, but it was super fucking funny, anyway

maggie reunited with judith, which was actually very sweet, esp when you remember that she delivered her (in the most traumatic way possible)

the caryl scene was nice. i had to watch it a couple times before i decided how nice, bc like everything else in the episode it felt kind of rushed, but essentially carol and lydia return, and daryl is standing in the exact position he was standing in “no sanctuary”, bc apparently that’s how he leans on trees, and carol approaches him super warily, and they both stare at each other, and carol asks him if he’s good, and he is visibly trying not to cry when he goes “yeah. it’s over. right?” and she says yes, and he asks her if she got what she wanted, and she says no, and he tells her she still has him, and she’s like “yeah?” while crying, bc, per earlier interaction, she was p sure she was never gonna get him back entirely, and he says yeah, and then they hug, and carol makes a little sob noise, and daryl buries his face in her shoulder and is teary, too, and then daryl brings up new mexico, and carol says “maybe someday” and daryl deffo looks disappointed but agrees, and then carol has her “we still have things to do, i’m clearly saying this as a set up for dramatic scenes that are about to follow” line

cue dramatic things following

connie is alive (we been knew), but is banged tf up, and runs into virgil. or more like collapses on the ground and virgil finds her and they stare blankly at each other until connie passes out

and then we jump back to princess & crew, who are sitting there bummed out bc stephanie isn’t there, and eugene is like, “bc of zeke’s wise words, i am Not Giving Up, we set out to find and recruit people (did they? i literally don’t remember) and so that’s what we’ll do!”

and it’s a Big Moment of Solidarity and Strength

for all of five seconds, bc they are then accosted by stormtroopers, who presumably work for commonwealth. whether or not commonwealth is building a death star is unclear at this time, but i suppose we’ll find out soon

cue end credits!

so overall: the episode occurred. it wasn’t like, devastatingly disappointing, in that the penultimate episode didn’t really set me up for any sort of big anticipation, and also i had spoilers ahead of time. i wish there had been more time for things like beta’s death to be played out properly, but i wonder also if they were limited on what they could do bc of pandemic shit and trying to get it edited as quickly as possible

as it stands, even tho the whisperers are my favorite twd villains, i’m glad they didn’t do what they did with the saviors and have it drag on for ten million years for no reason

the bottle episodes should be interesting, and prob will lead us into commonwealth, which, again, not sure on the status of the death star, but i’m excited to see what happens regardless

on the caryl front i’m about where i was before, which is fully anticipating canon coming, and my guess is the season will really heavily set up their departure, which means we will have many more scenes to come

the end

as usual, stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k20 (i still have three months left, i’m not giving up yet, zeke wouldn’t want me to),

-diz

#caryl #caryl spoilers #twd #twd s10 spoilers #dunlap tp

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 3 years

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Clairisse Redesign

Hey, as you can see, Clairisse got a bit of an upgrade. I’ve also reworked her story quite a bit.

If you’re interested in learning about this punk angel, feel free to keep reading under the cut.

Before we talk about Clairisse’s backstory, I should explain what angels are in this universe

Angels, like demons, are morally grey, immortal creatures. They are neither good nor bad, and they don’t concern themselves much with mortal creatures outside of work. The general view angels have of mortals is basically that they’re just things that exist, and then die. And that’s it. It’s a sort of unattached, matter of fact way of viewing the world.

In terms of work, angels are like lawyers. While demons hunt down and punish sinners, angels can actually step in and prevent someone from being taken to hell. Usually, this is by given them some sort of task or quest that gives them a shot at redemption. If they succeed, they’re forgiven. If not, down to hell you go. It’s a bit like a plea bargain, except a little more extreme.

Angels are raised in what’s basically heaven, and are kept in a restrictive, specific way of life. So, white robes, being these “pure figures of hope”, yadda yadda yadda. Once they reach a certain age, they’re allowed to go to Earth and do whatever the fuck they want. Some stick with the white robes and purity thing, but most go “alright, how ‘un-pure’ can we make ourselves?”This is because being an angel is really boring. They don’t seek people out to redeem them. People have to seek them out. And since angels are always just sitting around waiting for a job, they have to find some way to occupy themselves. They’re also allowed to choose their names. It works like this: “hey, I know we’ve always called you Bob so that we have something to call you, but hey, if you’re feeling more like a Maurice or a Karen, you go for it.” So a lot of angels have pretty... unique names. In Clairisse’s case, she got stuck between “Claire” and “Reese”, so she decided “Fuck it”, and smooshed them together.

Clairisse was also born with larger, white wings, but had them replaced. Bc yes, angels can do that. Her original wings were too large and just gave her back pain, and when the doctor asked what new wings she wanted, she decided “Give me black and glitter.” (I didn’t draw the glitter in the image above bc... look, I’m lazy, ok?)

Clairisse has always had an appreciation for edgy music, and a hatred for traditional music. Playing an piece of organ music is a sure fire way to get on her bad side, as she’s had to listen to that shit so much growing up that she can no longer stand it. She quickly grew attached to rock music as it was first emerging, and developed an appreciation for the edgier aesthetic brought about by the 90s rock scene. Mainly due to how exciting it all was, seeing people lash out against the system, starting scandals, bringing on a revolution.

She’s had several crushes on women in rock, but never acted on them as hey, they’re mortal, they’ll die anyways. She still nonetheless went to as many concerts as possible, both to watch performances and collect merchandise so she’d have memorabilia of these moments in time. Her biggest crush, however, was on Jadis, back when Jadis was a massive figure in the grunge/rock scene.

Jadis was attractive to many, Clairisse included. She had many songs about having sex or seducing people, which Clairisse already found pretty enjoyable. But then it was revealed that Jadis was a lesbian, which gave a bit of a different context to those songs, and Clairisse loved them. Not only was this new at the time, and rather scandalous, it made Clairisse’s pre-existing crush on Jadis develop further. She even started to miniature covers in her bedroom for fun.

Then Jadis was killed and revealed to be a serial killer, who targeted people high in the industry who were screwing over those with less power. Being an angel with the previously mentioned view on mortals, Clairisse wasn’t broken by this, but was disappointed to see Jadis meet an unfavourable end, and leave a legacy that would make her universally hated. Sure enough, Jadis’ music was quickly pulled from store shelves and radio stations, and her music could only be sold on the black market. Clairisse still kept her memorabilia of Jadis, and continued to listen to her work. She ended up researching Jadis’ life, as she was fascinated by what led to the musician’s actions. Again, with her view about mortal life, she wasn’t as concerned about Jadis killing people as most would be.

Five years after Jadis’ death, Clairisse had been performing at bars for fun, usually doing covers of songs she liked. Jadis had faded from public memory thanks to the media’s erasure of her existence, and Clairisse didn’t encounter any issues preforming covers of her songs.

Then, one night, she came across the last person she expected. She had sensed a demon nearby, and upon approaching to see who it was, to her shock, it was Jadis. Jadis had been resurrected as a demon, cursed with a life where she could see how little her actions did to change things, and how her life had been ultimately pointless. Meeting someone like Clairisse, who still remembered her, was a surprise.

The two started hanging out, preforming together at bars where nobody recognized Jadis. They didn’t develop a romantic relationship for a while however. Since the abuse and murder of Jadis’ girlfriend was what initially sent her on her killing spree, Jadis was hesitant to start a new relationship. With how she “failed” her love, she felt that it wouldn’t be justifiable to begin a new relationship.

However, both Jadis and Clairisse shared a feeling of being bored by the world around them. Clairisse was down for anything remotely exciting, and Jadis, rapidly developing a strong sense of nihilism, stopped seeing how it’d matter for the two to be an item.

What started out as them just living the old lifestyle of rockstars (booze, drugs, sex), however, started to develop into something more. Their relationship had initially been based on finding each other sexy, but as they would have deep discussions together late into the night, they both developed a strong, mutual appreciation for each other. For Clairisse, Jadis was someone who failed to change the world, who saw the ugliest parts of life, and who ironically helped her see the purpose and beauty of the small positives. For Jadis, Clairisse was a ray of light in an uncaring world, the one gift life had actually given her after years of being fucked over, someone irreplaceable and who she couldn’t exist without.

Their relationship is unexpected to those who know them, but, despite who the characters are, they ironically have one of the most stable relationships in the story. The two click, and give each other something to look forward to in life.

Personality wise, Clairisse is usually reserved and doesn’t talk much to people. When she does, she tends to be brash, and comes off as polarizing. She acts as though she has very little patience, and is always preoccupied with something. She exudes an air of confidence when preforming, and is very quick witted. She does now when to act more understanding to others, and it’s here that she shows that she’s very mature and intelligent. She loves speculating on topics and discussing uncertain things with others. She’s also an undeniable lover of gossip and conspiracies.

Power wise, she, like all angels, has cleric like powers, and is capable of creating miniature, separate dimensions that exist for a period of time. She also has the power to bless those with forgiveness, a blessing that protects them from demons

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imkylotrash · 4 years

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Release

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Request: Reader and JJ are dating and they go to a party at the boneyard one night and the reader has been struggling with problems at home so she just absolutely lets go and gets totally shit faced and gets around rafe and some more kooks and tries coke and jj obv finds out and just absolutely loses it bc that’s his baby and his baby put herself in danger and he knows that’s just not like her at all. Anonymous

Warnings: Substance abuse, swearing, self destructive actions. As always let me know if there’s more.

A/N I’m sorry this is so late but I hope whoever requested it sees it and loves it! x

“You almost ready, babe?” JJ walks through the door and even if he’s just wearing a tee and some shorts, you can’t help but enjoy the view. You’re getting ready for the party tonight but your heart isn’t in it. Yesterday you came home to find your father drunk once again. It wasn’t the first time but two months ago he told you that he was going to sober up. You’re not sure why you believed him this time because he’s been trying to get sober ever since your mom died. But this time just felt different so coming home to see him passed out on the couch with vomit down his front and a dozen beer bottles in front of him was just too much.

“Yeah, just finishing touches,” you reply returning to the present. You have yet to tell JJ that your father slipped up. Even though you know that JJ is the one person that can understand and relate then something in you makes you feel too ashamed to say it out loud.

“You look hot,” he whispers leaning down to place a kiss on the top of your head. You lean into his body behind you for just a moment before getting up. A voice whispers to stay at home with JJ but you crush it. Tonight isn’t about taking it easy.

“Let’s go,” you say grabbing your purse. It doesn’t take long before you’re at the Boneyard with the rest and you’re already on your second beer. You’re sitting between JJ’s legs and resting your back against his chest.

“Are you okay?” he whispers to keep it private from the rest of the group.

“I’m fine,” you reply not even looking his way. JJ shifts a little behind you but refrains from pushing you further. Instead he kisses your shoulder as a way to let you know that he’s there. Normally, it would be enough to bring you out of your funk but tonight you’re going to need something more than JJ.

“I’ll be right back,” you say getting up from your spot with JJ. When he gets up to follow you, you shake your head. He means well, but you just need to be alone. You walk around watching the party evolve as it gets closer and closer to sunrise.

“Y/N! Long time, no see!” someone yells making you turn around.

“Hey Rafe,” you say forcing a smile. Back before you met JJ, he was your date to parties. Not because you had feelings for him, but because he dealt the good stuff. And tonight, you needed that.

“Looking to score?” he says showing a little bag with white powder. He’s dangling it in front of you not caring who sees which is stupid. He should be more careful with who sees him dealing.

“You know me too well,” you reply grabbing some cash from your purse but Rafe stops you.

“It’s on the house. A welcome back gift,” he says putting his arm around you and pulling you close. The feeling of someone else other than JJ touching you like that makes you sick, but tonight you’re pushing all thoughts of JJ in the back of your mind. Tonight you’re going all in like the old days and you’re not going to stop until you find out why this shit is better than your own family. Why someone would prefer drinks and lines rather than being there for your own children. You know that this thinking isn’t logical and that you won’t find answers this way but the image of your father passed out yesterday is haunting you and you just need to know what he sees in this stuff.

“So, where’s your boyfriend tonight?” Topper smirks. You’re sitting with Rafe, Topper and the rest of their group. Everyone including yourself is high or drunk or both. Rather than giving in to Toppers teasing you do another line feeling it really hit you. It’s like you’re completely numb, your limbs so heavy you can barely move. But it’s a nice kind of numb - one where you don’t have to deal with all the things that sober you will have to.

“I wanna dance,” you state getting up. You want to lose this feeling of heaviness that’s consuming your mind and body. So you dance and when Rafe comes up next to you, the voice telling you to stop him is barely a whisper. And he grabs you by the hips - something that makes your stomach churn - but suddenly you’re pushed away from him harshly.

“What is going on?” Even now in this state you can hear how fucking close JJ is to losing it.

“We’re having fun,” you reply not even recognising your own voice. You’re slurring the words and there’s two of JJ.

“What the hell did you give her?” You see JJ push Rafe into the sand and holding him down.

“JJ,” you say stumbling a little. There’s a very nice high but when you come down, you come crashing. And the good stuff is wearing off meaning you’re crashing fast.

“Get off me, dude! I can’t help your junkie girlfriend did a line too much!” It’s the wrong thing to say. Even in your state right now you know that it’s the wrong thing to say. You don’t see JJ raise his fist, but you hear the impact when it hits Rafe’s face. Then you hear it again and again until John B pulls him off.

“Stop it, JJ. Stop!” The last thing you hear is JJ calling your name before you pass out. When you wake up next, you’re sitting in a tub being drenched by cold water.

“Stop!” you scream trying to shield your face from the cold water but it keeps on coming. It’s at least another minute before it stops. You wipe your face so you can get a look at who did the hosing.

“What happened?” Your throat is so dry, you can’t even swallow. It takes you a moment to stop coughing.

“Why would you do something like that?” His voice is laced with the hurt he’s feeling. It’s the shame that keeps you from looking into his eyes. He didn’t deserve to see you like that. Not after everything that’s happened with him and his dad.

“I just wanted to have fun.”

“Cut the crap, damn it!” He slams his hand into the wall making you jump. He’s so angry you can feel it radiating off of him.

“Rafe should be lucky he’s even alive. I swear, if he ever tries to sell you shit again, it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.”

“JJ, this isn’t Rafe’s fault. He didn’t force it on me. I asked.” You finally look up to meet his gaze and it almost breaks you. He looks betrayed, like he doesn’t even know who you are right now. He needs to know what happened last night but you have no idea where to start.

“Why?” One word. Filled with so much more than just a simple question.

“My dad slipped up again. He was doing so well. 2 months and then I came home and there he was. Drunk and passed out. I don’t know why I thought this time would be different,” you admit looking down at your hands. They’re shaking violently, something that always happens to you after using.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His entire demeanour changes. Suddenly his eyes are soft, his shoulders less tense, he turns into the JJ you know and love. Taking a knee next to the bathtub he uses his right hand to tilt up your face towards his. There’s nothing but love and understanding in his eyes. Of course he knows how this feels and you should’ve just told him to begin with.

“I’m such a mess,” you whisper not daring to break eye contact with him.

“But you’re my mess. Same way I’m yours. We’re in this shit hole together,” he promises leaning in. And just like that you can’t get close enough. You climb over the edge of the bathtub landing in his lap so you can wrap your arms around him. Clinging on to him for dear life because you might just fall apart without him.

“I love you, JJ. I’m so sorry,” you whisper placing a soft kiss on his neck.

“Just promise you’ll talk to me next time. Don’t go looking for answers where you won’t find them.” His tone is gentle, but firm. This isn’t a request but a demand. And you easily comply.

“Say it back.” You have to hear him say it. You have to know that he’s forgiven you now and that you can move past this.

“I love you. Even when you drive me mad.” You kiss him needing to feel him in ways you can begin to explain. It’s like he’s fresh air as you break through the water surface. He’s taking a deep breath when you’re ready to collapse. And maybe it’s unhealthy to need another person the way you need JJ, but you can’t help it. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn’t know how to live without him. And you know it’s the same for him.

“Let’s get you changed,” he whispers lifting you up and carrying you to the bed. He fetches a big shirt for you and starts to undress you. Even though there’s nothing sexual in the way he does it, you revel in how good his hands feel on your body.

“Let’s get some sleep.” You cuddle up next to JJ and feel sleep arrive almost immediately.

“You’re always saving me, JJ.” Then you close your eyes.

#jj maybank blurb #jj maybank gif #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #john b blurb #obx john b #john b #obx jj maybank #obx jj #obx gif #obx #obx imagine #rafe cameron #tw substance abuse #tw swearing #tw self destruction

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asotin · 4 years

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tobirama might be madara and other thoughts tobirama doesn't want to have

(i tried to organize this and not to get too repetitive or go on a huge tangent about the details of hashirama and tobirama’s strained sibling relationship beyond the way they tie into tobirama and madara, but it’s a ~3k monster and i am but a simple nerd)

ftr i don’t think that everything here is the correct interpretation of what was happening, but i do think it's how tobirama saw things

to get to why tobirama is shit scared of madara, i think you have to begin with when they’re kids and look at his relationship with hashirama because that’s where the seeds of bad choices to come are planted

tobirama prioritizes hashirama. he can think for himself and doesn’t completely follow hashirama’s directions, but lbr he works within the framework of the things hashirama wants and builds. if hashirama had changed his mind and decided that peace was unattainable, tobirama wouldn’t have left him to start a village on his own. he would have stayed with his brother and kept fighting

madara and hashirama being pulled apart started all the shit, but it was tobirama and izuna who tattled and made that happen

why was tobirama following hashirama in the first place? because butsuma told him to? fuck no. he followed hashirama for the same reason izuna followed madara: his brother has been sneaking off without telling him. hashirama is keeping secrets, even from tobirama

you know what makes you feel like shit? guilt

tobirama made hashirama miserable because he did what he was supposed to do and told butsuma about hashirama’s secret friend (read: he did what a jealous kid does and tattled)

from the start of their friendship, hashirama chose madara. he had to stick with tobirama because they’re brothers, but hashirama wanted madara to be in his life because he liked madara

sure, hashirama chose to die before he chose to kill tobirama but what if those hadn’t been the options? what if madara had told hashirama to choose between madara and tobirama?

both of their younger brothers get killed by madara’s family, but hashirama won’t stop talking about his friend who he should have killed but won’t

tobirama killed izuna like he was supposed to but hashirama won’t kill madara

you know what else feels really bad? the possibility that the brother you love and built your life around might hate you but you can’t be sure one way or the other

hashirama is ready to abandon everything for madara, but he doesn’t really acknowledge tobirama. one of the things tobirama is known for- being a sensor- only comes up later, when hashirama mocks him for not noticing that orochimaru has hashirama’s cells. it's sort of brotherly ribbing but because he's never been shown doing that before or joking with anyone other than madara, it feels more barbed than it normally would

hashirama in general kind of ignores tobirama until they butt heads

maybe it's because there isn't a parallel character to tobirama, but tobirama’s scale of someone’s worth is based on hashirama being at the top, while hashirama doesn't think about tobirama at all outside one moment in the flashback where he thinks about wanting to keep his brothers safe

hashirama, who trusted a stranger because he was playing in a river, doesn’t think much of tobirama, and that’s where the fear starts

why doesn’t hashirama like him? what isn't tobirama seeing?

why can’t hashirama forgive tobirama for telling butsuma?

why was it wrong for tobirama to kill izuna when izuna would have killed him?

madara, who wanted to build konoha and loved hashirama (even if you read it as platonic, if they don’t love each other, what the fuck is up between them bc that relationship wasn’t built on superficial trauma bonding), can be forgiven for turning against the village

why is what tobirama did worse than what madara did?

why does hashirama get so fucked up about madara even though madara tried to kill him, but he gets mad at tobirama for being wary of the people who’ve been trying to kill them (and who they’ve been trying to kill) for generations?

the fear of being replaced by madara is already there, and it only grows as hashirama mourns himself into an early death bc he wouldn’t have done that over tobirama

now add to that what happened when madara turned against konoha. more accurately, what didn’t happen

i’m repeating myself here but if tobirama and hashirama had worked together (if hashirama had called for him to help because tobirama has no business hopping into a throwdown between hashirama and madara and he knew it), they could have subdued madara without killing him (technically madara didn’t die, because izanagi or w/e but they didn't know that). hashirama didn’t want to kill madara. he explicitly, specifically did not want to kill madara and only did after madara pushed him into it

so why didn’t hashirama ask for tobirama’s help? if he’s at the point where he’d kill anyone who threatened the village (which i don’t reeeeeally buy as true bc it feels a lot more like something hashirama told himself to make killing madara less, you know, devastating) wouldn’t he prioritize stopping madara as soon as possible? he never showed any doubt in tobirama’s abilities, so if he wasn’t scared of his brother getting killed, why wouldn’t he call tobirama up?

because he doesn’t trust tobirama

hashirama doesn’t distrust other people. he wants to be friends with anyone. madara was attempting to stir up an insurrection, and hashirama still tried to keep him in the village. but he won’t rely on tobirama

so the fear expands

you know what tobirama doesn’t have? friends. a romantic interest. anything for himself as he grows that isn’t wrapped up in hashirama

this man likes rules. that was how he imagined the ideal ninja world. people make agreements and abide by them

if the founders era is an analog to the sengoku period ie the end of the muromachi period, which it is, then it’s worth noting that at this point in its history, real world japan was transitioning from the system of multiple heirs to a single heir. that wasn’t necessarily the oldest, but when one of your kids is a fucking brick shithouse with a kekkei genkai that’s never occurred before but rebellious and the other one is a genius who would be willing to follow through on your family’s blood feud but a) is loyal to his brother and b) has the charisma of a clammy handshake, who are you picking?

no way did tobirama expect to be made heir and imo he wouldn’t have wanted to be. hashirama is good at being the emotional leader and rallying people bc they like him. tobirama isn’t that interested in being the powerful one bc he’s more of a kingmaker

but you know it occurred to him that butsuma should want him to be the heir. hashirama isn’t exactly reliable and he sure doesn’t want to kill uchihas. tobirama would and he’d do it well

even the he doesn’t actually want the role, when you’re like 16 and your brother who you think is naive and lbr incompetent gets picked- something nobody does bc tobirama is, you know, a dick- it’s going to feel significant

so the fear grows more. he doesn’t want to be the head of the clan, but if he’s the one who could carry out butsuma’s plans, why is he still the second choice?

speaking of butsuma and childhood trauma, it’s kind of interesting that tobirama winds up dealing with uchihas the same way he defused butsuma, philosophically

in terms of their behavior, to a traumatized kid who never made any uchiha friends, uchihas could resemble a certain senju, you know?

volatile, self-prioritizing, self-cannibalizing (fighting within the clan, not literal flesh eating), powerful by standing on the backs of others (no way was fugaku the first to think 'i'll show my kid what mass death looks like and that will make him strong.' the sharingan awakens through painful experiences, and uchihas are even more obsessively devoted to their clan than tobirama is to his. but paradoxically, they were ready to double down on inbreeding and blinding themselves to use izanagi, so they wouldn't be above deliberately exacerbating the trauma their kids couldn’t escape anyway for the sake of getting an edge)

to an adult tobirama, the uchihas sure could seem like a clan of butsumas, huh

how did tobirama deal with butsuma? he got in between him and hashirama. and how did butsuma react? he left to cool down (but i’d bet he never really repented, esp bc hitting hashirama wasn’t surprising to any of them)

what does tobirama do with the uchihas? he gets in between them and konoha. if they’re angry with him, they aren’t angry at konoha. he gives them something else to focus on- and tobirama likes rules, so it isn’t that much of a reach to say he’d think that being trusted to be the people keeping the peace was actually an honor- and relocates them. now they can cool off (but their fundamental nature will never really change)

i definitely don’t think most of that is conscious, but you know. he didn’t trust his father and if that’s who he relates the uchihas to, that’s fertile ground for another type of fear

butsuma was fine letting tobirama’s brothers die. what’s to stop the uchihas from letting konoha die?

konoha is entrusted to tobirama. again, though, he isn’t hashirama’s first choice

now he’s afraid of the village falling apart because of madara and his family (read: because tobirama can’t keep them in line) and hashirama’s dream will die because of tobirama

you know what’s a bad idea? fucking around with corpses. you know what else is a bad idea? war crimes. you know what tobirama’s got a lot of? bad ideas

tobirama is intelligent and more concerned with the end result than the way to get there. he has a backwards idea of what protecting people means and a brutal approach to making peace. he loves hashirama (not like madara does but still, you know. he does love his brother)

the major difference between tobirama and madara is the sharingan, which should put madara in a separate class, but the thing is, tobirama is butsuma’s son

you awaken the sharingan by getting hurt. you’re butsuma’s son by learning to do the hurting

there’s a persistent fear that can grow with that knowledge, which i think tobirama wrestled with until he decided it doesn't actually matter- except for the fact that it would matter to hashirama. coupled with the fear that hashirama sees butsuma in tobirama and that’s why he won’t trust tobirama, that isn’t something tobirama could think his way out of

he might be doing the same thing butsuma did, causing harm for nothing

that fear is further compounded by the knowledge that madara would have destroyed everything and tobirama could do the same. without hashirama to argue with him, tobirama can do what he thinks is right. he knows more about making systems that last than hashirama did, so he’s going to put structures into place that will make sure the village survives

the thing is though, tobirama is well aware that madara isn't cruel for the hell of it. he says flat out that madara is dangerous because he loves so much; that intense love got twisted without madara wanting it to be (more below). he let it happen, but he didn’t just choose it

madara isn't just dangerous because he's strong. he's dangerous because he's the only person even hashirama can't just push around and he's personally invested in what he's doing. he believes that what he’s doing is right; he’s invested in being right

he’s following logic. it isn’t good logic by any stretch, but he isn’t just causing chaos just to cause chaos

tobirama follows logic, too. it’s better than madara’s logic because almost anything would be

he’s living his life for the purpose of maintaining hashirama’s dream. tobirama wanted peace, too, but he doesn’t call konoha his dream. konoha is hashirama’s dream. konoha is hashirama's village. tobirama is just trying to make it work

after all, he told butsuma and killed izuna. the least he owes hashirama is the village he wanted. not fun how hashirama would but run better because tobirama knows better

and lbr tobirama is also the second choice for the villagers. constantly standing in hashirama's shadow and feeling the distance between how loved hashirama was and how distantly appreciative the villagers are of tobirama could perhaps be alienating

tobirama can’t protect konoha from madara because he knows he couldn’t beat madara on his own. hashirama and madara know that, too. everybody knows that if it came down to it, a fight between madara and tobirama would go in madara’s favor

madara has the same attitude but about the inevitability of people hurting each other

tobirama can’t control madara. madara can’t control people

the only way to be safe around something you can’t control is to destroy it

tobirama understands madara better than he understands hashirama. hashirama’s dream is impossible. it’s based on thinking people are better than they are. madara isn't right, but he isn't entirely not right

madara was the biggest threat to konoha, and because tobirama isn’t hashirama, he can’t do anything about that except, as the time between hashirama’s and his own grows, understand madara better

this isn’t canonical but it isn’t non-canonical and i think it works so it's going in

tobirama’s palette swap happened because he found out how/why uchihas’ get the sharingan and in his child soldier brain that doesn’t know anything about genetics (but maybe did???), it seemed like a very sound idea to, you know, try to traumatize himself into developing a sharingan as a senju

but he has the wrong ¼ alien’s blood so he doesn’t get the handy dandy cursed eyeballs. what does he get?

obviously, he got his iconic look, tumblr user asotin. you just mentioned the palette swap

i did, and he definitely got his new style. but he got more than that

specifically: a terrifying insight into what uchihas have to feel when they awaken the sharingan. bc he didn’t get the eye upgrade but he did fuck himself up enough to flood his chakra system with pain and turn his eyes red (sadness makes you pale ig? he’s a nerd so maybe he just stayed inside and didn’t eat well. idk and that part is just to enhance how much more he looks like an uchiha than hashirama, who got the ‘be careful who you call ugly in middle school’ bonus)

the amount of emotional distress it took to get there? the shit he had to make himself watch? the things he had to make himself do?

if an uchiha feels that kind of pain just to form the basic sharingan, which isn’t as fucked up as the mangekyo, then please consider how that would feel to a kid whose coping mechanism is repressing

there are rules about what you do in war and in society. tobirama likes rules. tobirama thinks rules will keep peace

so how could he justify violating almost all the rules to make edo tensei? i would like to propose that it isn’t just hypocrisy or machiavellianism taken to an extreme that made it acceptable to him to do everything that must have entailed. i propose that it’s all the fears above and a trauma response that everybody and their grandma knows now but they probably didn’t in the ninja sengoku period:

if you think i’m bad, i may as well be

in his conscious mind, tobirama isn’t bad. he’s necessary. the whole time he’s hokage, he’s doing what needs to be done

in trying to do what a good brother would do, in accepting that there’s something about him that’s malfunctioning, in accepting that his brother will never approve of him, tobirama accidentally became the worst parts of madara

madara did what he did out of love for other people. he’s got the mangekyo and a dead brother. tobirama knows what it’s like to get the first sharingan. how much worse must it feel to get the mangekyo?

tobirama is dispassionate and logical. he isn’t an uchiha. he values kagami and the other, unnamed uchihas who could overcome the curse of hatred, but that's also a condemnation of himself

tobirama couldn't overcome his own hatred. he’s worse than they are, and he knows he is

everything tobirama tried to do better, he made worse. his legacy, the students who carried on his work, nearly destroyed konoha

if hashirama had been forced to choose between tobirama and madara, it would have been better if hashirama had chosen madara. everyone is thinking that

madara betrayed hashirama because he loved so much it turned him against hashirama

tobirama betrayed hashirama because he didn’t have enough love, and every time he’s looked at madara, he’s seen his own inadequacy

#aptxt #naruto #long post #this is such a train wreck and i realized at the end that i only needed the last section and i didn't even need all of that #this doesn't even have the ~800 words cut out the first time lmao #i'm sure i missed some things #the real tl;dr is that tobirama's sense of purpose got too tangled up in what hashirama wanted

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berrymeter · 3 years

Note

idk anything about the grace period for deltarune u can just keep this ask in the attic until that’s over.. anyway.. i really liked chap 2 i played it in one sitting 😭 the rpg combat is enjoyable enough and just the right amount more complex than the undertale combat is, although not very difficult. very touching power of friendship moments minus that fucking bird man. some of the dialogue felt quite fandom tropey and surface-level, and queen’s lines (love her tho) were hit or miss for me. i think the biggest frustration i have with it is all the useless random encounter characters clogging up your world 😞😞 there’s only so many wacky one-liners toby can give them and i am not invested enough to care! also some of those designs are uglie!! there are better ways to make a world feel real and lived in. same thing happened with undertale.

BUT it was a great time! i liked the juxtaposition between the ultimately harmless antics and charming banter with the gang and queen, and the more sinister plot going on in the background. most obviously in the ending. toriel and susie making a pie while kris RIPS OUT THEIR SOUL….spoiler warning.. did u see the theory that the soul aka red heart is you the player operating kris the vessel? i’m definitely not a theorist but i like seeing all the loose plot ends i’m having a good time. i love noelleeeeee 💞💞💞💞and i liked susie a lot more this chapter. when ralsei taught her a healing spell 😖😖 i still don’t really care about ralsei though 😓

special shoutout to the spinning teacups ☕️☕️☕️ and special NOT-shoutout to the mice games with the rotating blocks i never understood how to do that.

it was a very feel-good game. it made me feel good. standards for video game passed. what did u think tho!! i mean i assume u liked it but for the same reasons? different ones? feel free to respond with an excruciatingly long essay of ur own <3 we are back to the tt anon blocks of text i restrained myself for a bit but we are back -tt

hiii tt anon <3 back at it again with the asks that i am looking forward to answering. if i post this a little before the 48 hours i will be forgiven bc i will use the deltarune spoilers tag and also the long post tag LMAOO anyway anyway oh btw never refrain urself from sending blocks of text if my followers are mad even though i tag them long post that's ON THEM. everything u say is worth listening to & same for everything i say so that's my final stance on this 😌

i also played it in one sitting it was so GOOD. i don't care that it was 2 am here when it was released i wasss ecstatic and the game was so fucking GOOD tonby the fox delivered!! it was so so worth the wait! the music was so much better than in chapter 1 imo, like... my castle town? the cyber fields theme? the queen's fight? spamton g spamton??? rouxls' "fight"?? BANGERS. i only see bangers. the new gameplay mechanics were also very fun!! i for one kinda struggled with the mice puzzles but not nearly as much as that one section with the traffic jams where you have to go down and back up or whatever. what the hell was that? i'm surprised i actually got past it. i loved the parts in cyber field though where you had to move on beat with the music that was sooo fun!! more of that! i prefer the fighting system in undertale ngl but it's mostly bc the undertale bosses are... just so good. the one boss who rivalises for now to me is queen, although rouxls is also very fun.

as for the story itself... i liked it :) susie & noelle are fucking ADORABLE. i think they deserve to be happy forever like not even together just individually as characters they're the fucking best. susie's grown so much that's my girl... wough... ralsei i do like but... i don't trust him :D i don't think he's evil but he knows too much and tells us too little until he can't keep it for himself and i don't like that. like bro you're gonna get us in trouble stop. but ALSO some ppl speculate that himself is being misled and that the fountains wouldn't bring the roaring, which is an interesting theory. (also i miss lancer being more relevant)

uhh kris is... well... kris... :)... yeah i did hear about that theory i'm in a discord server where ppl have been going on and on about theories since the game dropped LMAOO we're all insane. um. my personal theory is that there's another knight, or that kris is at least also influenced by an "evil force" or whatever, and we're the good force influencing them bc otherwise they're just a normal albeit mischievous kid. and the stretch part is that uhhh there's two knight pieces on a chessboard, ik this isn't about chess at all but king of spades does tell you at the end of chapter 2 that you'll meet a more powerful foe = the queen, coincidentally in chess the queen is stronger than the king. hmmmmmmmmmmm. lmao i don't think my parallel here is right but it's fun to think about anyway

did you see the superboss? i didn't fight him myself but he's so fun. also @ everyone who said he's gonna be a tumblr sexyman i hate that you're right shut that shit down HJKSNFKJSDHG. also did you see the secret fucked up pipis route? it's horrible. genuinely... i watched a streamer play it and 😳 uh. well i didn't even hate berdly before anyway yeah he's annoying but like he's a snot-beaked kid i'm not gonna wish him... whatever happens in this route. legit scarring. and poor noelle... pffbbgtbg. hate this so much. but i think it was done so bad and horrible on purpose, with how specific your gameplay has to be for you to be able to complete it tonby really was like "you wanna be an asshole? undertale wasn't enough? fine. work for it. and also suffer" nskjshf. i'm never doing it <3

lastly FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!! QUEEN MY LOVE!!!!! BEST CHARACTER. i love her sosososo much it's unreal. and i didn't mind any character designs much, i'm not too complicated in that regard shfkjsdfh i love the tasques and tasque manager though :) also the... idk their names... the butler dudes? they're so cute. swatch's design is neat

so those are my thoughts <3 can't wait to hear more from u!!!

#asks #tt anon #long post #deltarune spoilers

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littlespoonevan · 4 years

Note

hiii! I really hope I'm not bothering you but... are you taking prompts? 👀 cause I love your fics and this is kinda your fault because I read your post about 9x06 lol but now I can't stop thinking about I&M having a *real talk* like... "I'm sorry I let you go" 🥺?

Sorry it took me a while to get to this - my ao3 fics kept me quite busy the past few weeks! okay so i’ve written about the aftermath of 9x06 quite a few times but never an actual, full “talk about everything” conversation in its entirety so i decided to give it a whirl here!

for the record i 100% believe they had a conversation like this within the first week, if not 24 hours, of being in the cell together and find it absolutely preposterous john wells tried to act like they hadn’t in 10x03 and then again in 10x08 bc all ian wanted to do legit all season was talk things through and that didn’t come from nowhere but ANYWAY, they’ve got a lot of things to sort through but i did my best to cover as much as i could!

I hope you like it <3

The lights have been out for five minutes and Ian just about manages to stay in his bunk long enough for the guard to do his final check of their cell before he’s swinging himself down from his bed to crawl in next to Mickey.

He’s met with kisses and a muffled laugh into his mouth and fuck, he never thought he’d get to do this again. He allows himself to get lost in Mickey’s body for a few minutes, trading hungry kisses while their hands roam wherever either of them can reach, like they’re trying to commit one another’s skin to memory again – not that Ian has any intention of letting Mickey go this time.

He’s been itching to touch Mickey like this all day – they’d managed a hurried, flustered mutual reunion handjob before but they couldn’t risk anything more. Even that had been reckless but he’s pretty sure he lost any and all sense the second Mickey walked through the door of his cell.

He wants more now, wants Mickey whatever way he can have him, but a thought makes him pause and as soon as he thinks it he can’t stop thinking about it.

Is this supposed to be reunion sex or make-up sex?

Ian had done a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection after he’d left Mickey at the border and he just- he wants to talk about it. He doesn’t want them to jump straight into everything again and let their issues fester like they used to. Sex has never been a problem for them, communication on the other hand…

Mickey must notice he’s slowed down because he leans back, a confused smile on his face. “What?”

Ian looks at him and feels nothing but an all-consuming, addictive kind of love envelope him. He loves Mickey so fucking much – he hadn’t been able to stop even when he wanted to – he’s not going to hurt him again. But that means he needs to do this right. “Do you think we should talk first?” he asks uncertainly.

They’d both sort of agreed earlier that they would talk eventually when they’d been catching up and found themselves naturally slipping into deeper territory. They’d said they could worry about it later. But well, it’s later now.

Mickey appraises him for a moment and Ian tries not to panic when he notices his expression shutter the tiniest bit. Cradling Mickey’s jaw, he runs a thumb across his cheek. “Mick, I wanna do this right this time. We should talk about it.”

Mickey’s expression softens somewhat at that. “Talk about what?”

Ian blows out a breath. “Everything, I guess?”

He’s not sure they ever really talked out their issues in the past. He thinks they would’ve when Mickey brought him back home after he took off for the army. But Ian had already been halfway to manic by then and hadn’t exactly been in the most rational frame of mind to discuss the deep shit.

Mickey shifts onto his back, still keeping one arm around Ian, and Ian fits himself against Mickey’s side, head half on the pillow, half on Mickey’s shoulder.

“Well, if we’re talking about everything,” Mickey starts, rolling his head to the side and meeting Ian’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

And that’s- what?

“What the fuck are you sorry for?” Ian asks with a frown – he’s pretty sure he’s the one with a laundry list of apologies to make here.

Mickey huffs out a laugh but it sounds sad. “Jesus, Ian. Did you just block out the first year and a half of our relationship?” He averts his gaze for a second before looking back to Ian with renewed determination. “I’m sorry for all the times I pushed you away or pretended this didn’t mean anything or ended it because I got scared or hit you- fuck-“

“Mickey,” Ian says, cutting him off with a hand on Mickey’s chest. “You think I resent you for any of that?” he says, words quietly disbelieving. “Or that I don’t get why you acted the way you did? Yeah, sure, it fucking hurt at the time but I’m pretty sure you made up for it a thousand times over with everything that came afterwards.”

When I almost burned our relationship to the ground, he thinks, and all you did was try to love me.

Mickey glances away again, looking more bashful this time. “It still doesn’t make it okay.”

“Yeah, well if it wasn’t already clear, I forgive you,” Ian tells him, feeling his mouth tick up at the edges when Mickey starts to smile at him. And he can’t help leaning to brush their lips together – just once before he allows himself to get side-tracked.

It’s his turn now.

“While we’re doling out apologies,” he starts, feeling shame burn through him. Even thinking about half the shit he’s done makes him question how the fuck Mickey’s still here. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mick. Jesus. For all of it.”

Mickey stares at him with something vulnerable in his eyes and Ian wonders if anyone’s ever actually apologised to Mickey for hurting him before. That thought alone is enough for him to keep going.

“I’m sorry for giving you an ultimatum after the wedding. I was just- fuck, I was at breaking point, y’know? I know what happened that day with Terry was a million times worse for you-“

Mickey tenses at that and Ian thinks they’re going to talk about a lot tonight but they probably won’t talk about that. Some scars just run too fucking deep.

“I always wondered,” Mickey interrupts quietly, staring at Ian’s hand on his chest instead of Ian himself. “If that day was your trigger or whatever.”

Ian’s wondered it too, has considered bringing it up whenever he does go to therapy countless times, but he can never make himself say it out loud.

“It might’ve been,” he says slowly. “But if it was that’s Terry’s fault, not yours.”

Mickey nods absently and Ian shifts forward until he can press his forehead to Mickey’s temple. “None of it was our fault, Mick.”

Neither of them speaks for a beat – everything they’ve left unsaid hanging heavy in the air between them until Ian eventually decides to carry on.

“And I know I said sorry for this one before,” he continues. “But I’m sorry for trying to make you come out.”

Mickey shakes his head as if to tell him it doesn’t matter. But it does.

“And for all the fucking bullshit I pulled with you while I was manic. Not even just the big stuff – the cheating, the porno, Yevgeny – but all of it. I didn’t treat you how I wanted to back then.” Ian feels tears burn behind his eyes just thinking about it and his pulse is ragged by the time Mickey finally turns his head to look at him.

His eyes are shining and Ian’s heart is fucking broken. “You were sick, Ian.”

“Doesn’t make any of it okay,” Ian mumbles, closing his eyes when he feels Mickey’s fingers graze against the back of his neck. “Just- I really need you to know that the only reason I broke up with you was because Monica fucking got in my head and I could see how much I was killing you and I didn’t want that for you, Mick,” he says, voice low and desperate, begging Mickey to understand. “The thought of you just staying with me and letting me hurt you over and over again was too fucking much. Especially back then when I felt like I’d never feel normal again.”

Mickey is quiet for a moment before he squeezes the back of Ian’s neck. “I’m not excusin’ shit, Ian. Losing you back then- it nearly fucking broke me. But it’s like what you said about the stuff I did. It’s not okay. But I know why you did it.”

Ian nods, sniffling back the tears threatening to fall and burying his face in Mickey’s neck to press an apologetic kiss against the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. Mickey’s arm tightens around him in response and it’s enough to give Ian courage to deliver the final part of his apology.

He leans back, pushing up on his elbow so he can look down at Mickey and meets his gaze while he talks. “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to Mexico,” he whispers, breath hitching. “I’m so fucking sorry but I wanted to believe so badly that I actually had my shit together and-“

Mickey cuts him off before he can say anymore, lips upturned in a rueful smile. “I’m not mad about that,” he murmurs.

Ian frowns in confusion. “You’re not?”

Mickey nods, blowing out a resigned breath. “You were fucking right, Ian. Where were we supposed to get your meds? I spent two years working for a fucking cartel, that’s not exactly the kinda stress-free, routine life you needed to be living.” Mickey shakes his head, shrugging half-heartedly. “I didn’t think it through, I just wanted to be with you again – couldn’t see past that, y’know?”

And Ian is so fucking in love with him. He can’t believe Mickey still has so much goddamn faith in him.

“Fat lotta good it did anyway,” he huffs bitterly. “Goin’ home. Look where I ended up.”

He’d given Mickey the basics of what’d happened with the whole Gay Jesus thing earlier. But it’s still hard to believe how quickly things spiralled after he came home from the border.

Mickey doesn’t say anything because there’s not much to say really but he links his fingers together with the hand Ian’s still got resting on his chest which is an answer in and of itself.

“Listen,” Ian murmurs, meeting Mickey’s gaze and hoping he can see the sincerity there. “I know- I don’t expect you to just give me blanket forgiveness right now, okay? I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me,” he says, voice feeling thick with emotion. “But let me make it up to you, alright? Let me prove that I’m in this this time. I’m not fuckin’ around again, Mick. I’m not- I can’t let you go again.”

Mickey doesn’t reply right away and Ian watches as a myriad of emotions flickers across his face. Eventually though, his throat bobs and he offers Ian a hint of a smile. “You let me make my shit up to you. It’d be pretty fuckin’ hypocritical if I didn’t let you do the same.”

Ian huffs out a relieved laugh, resting his forehead against Mickey’s shoulder. “Or smart, maybe.”

“When have I ever fuckin’ been smart around you, Gallagher?” Mickey says amusedly and Ian raises his head again, leaning in until there’s the barest inch of space between them.

“I mean it,” he whispers steadfastly. “If it takes a week or a year to make you trust me again, I’ll do it. I promise.”

Mickey’s expression is calm and open as he watches him and Ian revels at being allowed to see the vulnerability behind his eyes – more as a sign of trust than because Mickey can’t conceal it for once. He closes the distance between them and tries to pour every bit of love and devotion he possesses into the kiss, hoping Mickey can feel it.

When their lips dislodge after a minute or so Ian rearranges them until he’s the one lying on his back and Mickey’s head is resting on his chest.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Mickey admits into the cotton of Ian’s tank top and Ian closes his eyes, feeling a lump swell in his throat as his eyes begin to water.

“I missed you too,” he murmurs hoarsely, tightening his arms around Mickey like he could fuse their bones together and pressing a firm kiss to Mickey’s hair. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Mickey mumbles and it’s just three words but it feels like fucking salvation to Ian’s ears.

They’re gonna be alright.

#gallavich #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #my fics #mickeys gonnagetrealbitchy #asks #long post #i have NO idea what's wrong with the read more i'm so sorry #i've tried to fix it a million times

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sucker-for-minyard · 4 years

Text

I NEED BUTCHER!NEIL AU'S I AM NOT JOKING if you know one please send it to me this is a sad person needing bloody angst

Imagine IMAGINE

Neil's mom ran with him. But 2 years later his dad found them, killed her etc etc we know that

BUT THEN

Nathan takes Neil back, and kind of "hey boy you have 2 choices: do what i say and assist me with my job or die" and Neil just agrees

and now, years later, Neil is 18-19yo. he killed more people than he can remember . And he is still called Nathaniel!!!

for some reason, Neil is still visited by Wymack and Kevin and Andrew. And Neil PANICK bc oh my god if his dad sees Kevin there he's probably fucked. So he tell them to go away, he won't play Exy with the Foxes. Etc etc he will propably go to the Ravens

And somehow, (i do not care how I'm not thinking too much about this i just want the angst) Andrew, being the sick fuck that he is, sneaks into Neil's house a couple of days later, just to find Neil cleaning his hands and arms in the kitchen sink.

He is covered in blood so Andrew ended up finding a good fucking way to make Neil play with the Foxes. Because for some reason he felt interested, he knows enough about life to see through people. He knew instantly that Neil was involved in way more than he appeared to be.

I guess that Andrew would idk call Pig and just make Neil's father be caught in flagrant and arrested IDK men but SOMEHOW Neil would be able to go to PSU.

And from there things would go almost normally. Probably a few of Nathan's men trying to kill Andrew and Neil? And Neil killing them? yeah Neil kills some men and hide some bodies.

I WANT ANDREIL TO KISS WHEN NEIL IS COVERED IN BLOOD

I'm so romantic i know

But yeah, since they're both mentally ill, Andrew would not give a fuck about what Neil has done. Andrew probably killed someone in his life and he's not bad(?).

Their "truth game" now would be a little different. Neil would talk about all the things he did to other people, who he killed, how, why, the way he felt about it and how he hears their screaming everytime he closes his eyes. He have night terrors and can only sleep with strong medications. He's fucked up.

Neil is definitely vegan. He can't stand the smell of blood and meat, it's a huge trigger for him. He can do his job without getting sick but he wont eat meat.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? Andrew doesn't so he asks

AND OF COURSE that neil is vegan bc Nathan made him eat some fucked up shit like (uhggg I'm actually getting sick i hate meat i hate talking about it ew) but like h*m*n meat ya know [let me be edgy]

haha traumatized boysTM.

anyway how would this mess end?

1) Neil would turn himself to the police and confess to all his crimes and drag his father with him/or kill his father before turning himself in, and Andrew would like wait for him for a couple of years bc in my perfect imagination Neil would be "half forgiven" bc most of his crimes were committed when he was underage and his father made him do it

2) Andrew and Neil would kill Nathan, and just fucking run away like let's live in a cabin in the woods or in a random small town i dont care if they're together they're fine

3) Neil would run away in his third year, bc he feels sinful and dirty and can't stand being close to Andrew, someone that he loves so much. He simply disappears. And then, one day, three years after vanishing, Neil just appears again, knocking on Andrew's door. And they get together again, now that Neil did something to cut all his ties with his father's business. And ofc Andrew will ask what Neil has done but first let them kisssss. (yeah thats my favorite one i love Neil/Andrew going away for years and then getting back together)

I'm sorry this is so useless I'm just rambling bc I'm bored and watching documentaries about literally Jesus for school

#all for the game #the foxhole court #andreil #neil josten #andrew minyard #aftg #the raven king #the king's men #aftg fic #aftg headcanon #all fot the game au #aftg au #tfc #trk #butcher neil #nathan wesninski #nathaniel wesninski #i need it

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vancilocs · 3 years

Note

Oops, neja and yecal and uuu docs?

it’s raining outside

where they first met and how

Neja hired Yecal to help her do crime (without having the money for it but she figured she was cute enough to do get away with it)

At work, introduce oncologist to ER doc

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

Honestly Neja was flirting almost straight off, flirting and fooling around for a while, not seeing each other for a time, then kinda wonder if there’s feewings when seeing him again

Quite a while I think, going back and forth before Juno had to do something

who fell for who first (if applicable)

Mayyybe Neja

Damn I don’t know I was thinking and idk

where their first date was and what it was like

I mean Neja considers their first crime their first date, very fun

I guess at Juno’s place when she invited him for dinner

who asks who out and how (with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’?)

Neja left her number for him and let him do with that what he willed

Juno just asked if Enrique would like to come over some weekend and have dinner

who proposes first

Yecal in his underwear if the Sims is to believed

It was a mutual decision but idk if Enrique asked if Juno would like to be married and she was like yeah sure babe xx

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away where the proposal happens and how (kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park?)

Neja didn’t mean to not tell her family but then it kinda happened that they only found out she’s dating when they got invited to her wedding. She met Yecal’s family only because she happened to be traveling that way anyway

Juno texted Iain to let him know they’re going ring shopping and let her family know after the rings had been got

if they adopt any pets together

They don’t have room or resources unfortunately

Juno has Bob and he’s the alpha male of the house

who’s more dominant

They switch flawlessly

They can switch but more often Juno wants to submit

where their first kiss was and what it was like

At a dingy ol’ motel after a night of crime

At Juno’s apartment

if they have any matching couples stuff (mugs? sweaters? pillowcases?)

Neja isn’t above getting some pillowcases or a matching underwear set

Not really. If anything just mugs that say how many PhD’s they got

how into pda they are

A little at least, hold hands, give some kisses, Neja fits nicely under Yecal’s arm

A bit, holding hands/linking arms is okay, kisses goodbye, feed each other cake at the cafe

who holds the umbrella when it rains

Yecal, though Neja just uses him as a shelter

Enrique, tall

where their usual ‘date spot’ is (if applicable)

There’s probably a local bar they’re regulars at

Ditto, just on the Citadel side... or then a cafe

who’s more protective

Yecal stresses out every time Neja is out being a reckless bitch by herself. At least now she has a home, though.

Enrique knows Juno can hold her own, but her just being small is a bit of a threat. She on the other hand is protective of him regarding his illness, don’t you overexert yourself, remember to take your meds

how long it is before they sleep together (can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’)

Bang at the end of the first date, the next time they saw each other and Neja stayed overnight at Yecal’s probably just sleep

Let out frustrations at the end of the dinner date

if they argue about anything

Not really. Neja makes sure she’s not alone outside at night or in sketchy parts of town anymore so Yecal won’t worry.

I guess pain could make Enrique a bit short-tempered (and Juno is just short-tempered by nature) but I don’t know if they argue, more like she leaves him be (after making sure she’s done everything she can for him)

who leaves more marks (lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc.)

I can imagine Yecal being more careful because he has bigger teeth but also Neja bruises very easily bc of her pale skin so it’s a no-win situation. Don’t scratch. She bites him everywhere she can reach but not that hard... sometimes fun to leave marks where nobody can see tho

Enrique definitely has shirts with some lipstick stains on the collar. Otherwise keep marks in hidden places

who steals whose clothes and how often

Every shirt Yecal has also belongs to Neja and she will go limp if he tries to get them back

Juno sometimes steals Enrique’s shirts, cozy n warm

how they cuddle (spooning? facing each other?)

Spooning (either way around) or Neja crawls halfway on top of Yecal

Spooning or Juno makes herself a weighted blanket for Enrique. Or the other way around if she’s particularly stressed

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

Video gaem, cuddling, making food and eating

Playing with cat, watching TV and snacking, cooking, snuggling

how long they stay mad at each other

Neja caps out at like 45 seconds

Not long, after both have said sorry Juno has forgiven and forgotten

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Neja goes all out with her orders, it’s hardly coffee anymore it’s almost all creamer and syrup

Juno has her coffee simple with milk and sugar, with tea she likes to try out more out-there stuff like rooibos

if they ever have any children together

No, they’re not compatible biologically nor do they want any in general

No, after a proper scare Enrique got snipped

if they have any special pet names for each other

Neja just gets cheesy

If Juno wants to be sweet she calls him Quique and if she wants to be a little shit she calls him Ricky

if they ever split up and / or get back together

No, they’re really fond of each other

Nah

what their shared living space is like (messy? clean? what kind of decor?)

They try to keep it clean but it’s a little messy, try to make use of all the space they got, some tools and spare parts here and there, some clothes hanging around

It’s pretty clean, Juno likes it neat. Use coasters with your mugs. Some cat toys, throw pillows, a blanket, everything breakable away from Bob’s reach

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

They probably have wildly different holiday traditions, I guess the other would just do some traditions and introduce the other to them

Don’t people in S. America get Christmas presents on the 6th of January? Those kinds of differences. But I guess he’d open his gift on the 25th if that’s what Juno does

what their names are in each other’s phones

Hooby 💞😍😘💖🥰🖤

Enrique de Cruz, Ph.D ICE

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ (buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening?)

Have a movie or a date night once a week/two weeks/month, just dedicate some time to each other

Like once a month make a big proper dinner and eat it together with some wine, Juno has gotten so much better at cooking since their first date

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

It varies wildly, they can come and go at any hour. Usually if Yecal falls asleep Neja is either already asleep or follows soon

Enrique has varied work schedules, Juno pretty much goes to bed and wakes up at the same time every day. I guess she gets up first either way

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Usually Neja is the small one but sometimes a man wants to be held

Juno prefers being small spoon

who hogs the bathroom

Neither really, it’s small and not very useful, if anything Neja will take some time drying her hair

If Juno does her makeup all proper she will take some time but not hog

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

Neja lets Yecal kill them

Juno throws Bob at them

#two classes down one swedish one still to do ugh #not like i've listened at all but like i still woke up at 8 so #maybe i could make that presentation abt that spanish writer or smth #long oc thing #neja will be careful with her poison heels and knuckles when being manhandled but she will nip with her teeth at any part of yecal she can #take that #she's a rocket engineer but she's also a little brat

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giulia-m-b · 3 years

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I mean, Eren had a shit ton on his plate to do before thinking about a relationship. Before he learns that he’s gonna die, and starts to pull himself away from everyone, he was with Mikasa from age 9 to 15. What did you expect to see from them at these awkward ass ages while they’re trying to save their city and multiple lives?

In PATHS with Armin, Eren is focused on the moment when he and Mikasa were suppose to kiss (when he stops Dina). I think he was 15 at that point. If THAT is the age he realized he had feelings for her, that’s enough. And if PATHS with Armin was real and enough to convince Armin to finish the job of “saving the world”, then that means Eren’s 4 years with Mikasa in PATHS was real too. So they did have a life together and that’s why he’s crying about her moving on. He dies at the age of 19, not getting to spend enough time with her. I think crying is justified here lol.

I think when he was much younger, he was overwhelmed by Mikasa’s love for him and did admit to being jealous that she was stronger than him, so he could never be the one to protect her. Maybe Isayama could have written more for them, but it made enough sense for me in the end as a casual reader.

Hello there. Long answer ahead, please forgive me

I understand where you're coming from, and I would agree if we had seen even a glimpse of him thinking of her the same way she thought of him, or if it was shown to be something like "my feelings have always been here but I can't do this right now" from the very beginning.

We never saw any of that though. We've seen him irritated with her overprotectiveness and misunderstanding of his goals, we've seen him disregard her affection multiple times because he just wasn't interested or was clueless somehow. She was the one who leaned for the kiss and he didn't respond or even consider that moment when they were in safety eventually. Once again, if feelings for her even crossed his mind, we should have seen it through his thoughts or conversations with someone.

He obviously cared for her but he's never behaved like she was anything more than a friend and part of his family in a way. It happens and it's no way less important than romantic feelings, it's just not romantic. Just because someone likes another person, doesn't mean they're automatically going to be together. Also he was unnecessarily rude to her sometimes, but anyway.

The thing to me is that shounen is sold as a category that focuses on "action, adventure and cool things, not romance" but 90% of shounen manga/anime have romance regardless. Because it's "not the focus", the pairings are either badly written, underdeveloped or flat out unnecessary most of the time.

They also perpetuate a lot of tropes that just don't make sense nowadays (the girl who does everything for the guy that treats her badly and they become the OTP; the guy who is clueless about the girls feelings and suddenly likes her back after ignoring her for ages; pairings that are canon for the sake of convenience instead of development, characters whose purpose is to be the romantic interest, etc). Want it or not, when there's romance, it's supposed to influence both characters' development, individually and as a couple. That never happened with them. Mikasa was submissive and stayed submissive instead of embracing freedom and moving on, she also never had any personal development outside of her feelings for Eren (which sucks, bc she could have been awesome). Eren did all the things he did, he's very difficult to analyze tbh, but in any case he never showed tenderness or romantic feelings for Mikasa until the last chapter when he threw a tantrum out of absolutely nowhere.

I just like when things make sense, and this relationship doesn't. I would've been fine without any romance in the end.

Ps: I wasn't going to mention Armin, but since you did, I must say Eren displays much more affection towards him than he does anyone else. Armin was always the one who brought Eren back to reality, the one who inspired Eren the most, the one who understood and believed Eren the most. Yet Armin ended up with a character he talked to twice and never thought of through the series, who mercilessly killed soldiers and never showed remorse or a redemption arc and was forgiven way too easily.

Well, I still love SnK an praise it's highlights (I always cry listening to the soundtrack, not gonna lie) but I just can't ignore flaws when I see them. That's ok, nothing is perfect anyway. The very last chapter was just meh in my opinion.

Anyway, pardon my long answer. I guess didn't realize I had so much in my mind 😅

#you were polite anon #that's why i tried to explain my train of thought carefully #i hope you have a nice weekend #snk #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan

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alias-b · 4 years

Text

Eros & Psyche: SOMY drabble

Billy Hargrove x Evie Fenny: Whump with a Happy Ending Drabble

~Evie contemplates her past relationship after getting together with Billy. ((No real fic spoilers, it’s no secret that Billy & Evie are soulmates & Endgame. Just some extra words for them to touch.)) TW: Talk of past grooming/Abusive student& teach relationship.

Whew, I wrote something, guys. Lol named is sorta after an existing chp bc I'm shameless. xoxo askbox open. Goodnight! :)))

He’s perfect.

Heaven carved her a prince from all her favorite fairy tales. Dash of charming. Sprinkle of classical good looks. A darling smile. Enough to melt any girl. Evangeline had no chance.

Fredrick always included Evie in his life. Well, the part of it no one else was involved in. That counted. She told herself it did.

Hawkins couldn’t know how much he loved her. She was sure that truly ached him.

She was pretty sure.

Fredrick included Evie in what was under his mask. She told herself that was what mattered most of all. His true self and it was bared. All hers and hers alone.

She told herself.

Evie was telling herself lots of things these days. Fredrick called her a classic over-thinker. She didn’t need to think, she had him. He’d guide her along. Being wise and experienced of course. All she needed to do was let go and trust him.

But, he was perfect.

Fredrick took her to parties with other thirty year olds. Always held her hand. Said the right thing. Brought her under one arm. Introduced her as if he was thrilled and proud she was with him. Showed her off like a new designer watch. Fredrick liked to buy Evie designer things too in lace.

Things that made for a better pose in cotton sheets. Pictures she claimed she was too shy to let him take.

He’d press a tight smile. Telling her it was enough to have her trapped in his thoughts.

The, he’d unzip his pants. The sound prickled under her skin.

“This is Evangeline,” he boasted at parties, “my girl.”

Men and women extended their hands. Fussed over her. She just looked so youthful. She must have secrets.

“For now,” Fredrick said in the car once, “just tell anyone who asks that you’re nineteen.” He smiled and caressed her cheek. Fredrick always said the right thing. “You’re too beautiful. I love you so much.”

Slowly, he unzipped his pants.

All Evie wanted to do was please him. See that smile. See the lights behind it because he was hers and she was a moth drawn to them. Fredrick liked most that she was his too. He came to her upon a deathly white horse with a silken, red cape upon his back. Bought her lace and flowers.

Fed her only a certain amount and took plates away before she was finished.

“There’s this silk nightie I want to buy you, but it’s just a smidge too small. Couple pounds should do it. Not that I think you need to lose it.” He cared so much. Evie welled and drank her cool water down. Swallowed the ice cubes when he went to the kitchen.

They drank quite a bit. He liked her swaying and loose. Not alert. Not overthinking too much. Cause he cared. More than anything.

Evie always said no to coke lines. Yes to shots. Yes to the occasional pill that lit shit up inside her. Let her see the night sky in living color.

Fredrick kept close. He always did. Especially if other men approached her. His arm pulled her back into his orbit. One sharp snap. Another prickle that made her skin pulse.

Europa trapped circling Jupiter and its great red storms. Clinging desperately maybe cause she’s scared and she doesn’t know it. She doesn’t have anywhere to go and no planet will love her or hold her like her Jupiter.

Fredrick could storm too. Could get snappy. Grip her too hard. Leave marks she had to hide from her mother and classmates. It’s all passion. That’s what he said. He loved fierce and unyielding. Just like a prince would, they’re supposed to love hard.

Evie’s terrified to disappoint him. Terrified to leave the narrative because who would she be without it? She figured that was normal, growing up with the same dynamic in her household. Children wetting the bed cause their parents build these anxieties into them. Phantoms that never leave.

“Letting everyone down would be my greatest unhappiness.” She often repeated that to the mirror. Repeated it when Fredrick was slamming things around. Pretending he’s fine until she’s crawling to unzip his pants and then all is forgiven.

Evie loved being forgiven. Gentle pats and warm embraces into the night. Fingers to swipe her loose tears. Fredrick gave her everything she needed.

Even if he was the one telling her she needed it.

Prince Charming knew to force his kisses and wake the princess. Now she owed a debt. He knew she needed saving from her tower or dragon. She was too helpless to decide her own path. He knew that she had to love him in return to break the curse. She doesn’t get a choice, it’s destiny.

Evie believed in destiny when she met Fredrick. He certainly murmured it into her ear enough. Hushed tones that made her feel cradled. Made her feel found. Made her float.

But, she can’t tell people, “This is Fredrick, my prince.”

Once he screamed at her for even signing a little heart above the “i” in her name during class. All because he cares. Because he’s the prince who knew better. Because no one would ever understand them.

Maybe that was why she loathed Billy upon meeting him that windy autumn day.

Billy Hargrove was the exact opposite. He never pretended to know better. Not as far as Evie’s soul was concerned. Evie didn’t grovel. Didn’t beg his forgiveness for the slightest misstep or incorrect thought. They nipped at each other, but it was an equal exchange.

Billy’s not a prince. He didn’t try to be either.

He didn’t shake her hand when they met. Not until Neil made him. He doesn’t always hold doors. Doesn’t constantly have to have Evie under his arm. Under his eye.

Especially doesn’t start slamming things when she laughs at Tommy’s stupid jokes or shares her drinks with Steve. He didn’t tell her she couldn’t hang out with Heather or Carol without him. Didn’t steer her from her mother or friends. He also didn’t pry for secrets out of mistrust.

He doesn’t care what she does as long as she isn’t getting herself into deep shit. Without him. His words. He’s not perfect and he doesn’t try to be.

Billy drove like shit. He smoked too much. He got into fights. He could be a total sourpuss grump, but he doesn’t grab Evie to leave bruises over it.

He fucked hard though, he always made sure Evie got off. Never unzips unprompted. Girls hit on him and he says that he’s seeing someone. Easy enough. Sometimes gesturing to Evie if she’s in the room. No need to bother her with pointless shit.

They were always aware of each other even if they didn’t interact. Something magical there neither could place.

Billy knew things Fredrick didn’t care to remember about Evie as well. How she’s a talented roller skater. What she liked on her cheeseburger. Her favorite movie snacks. Her order when they grab Chinese. The articles of clothing that always comforted her on bad days. How to gauge her mood by the song she’d hum or the book in her hand.

How she tapped the rhythm of songs she wrote into flesh and hard surfaces. How she wanted to turn the radio up when her favorite song was on, but politely doesn’t always. Billy does it for her.

He doesn’t comment when she eats and doesn’t care what she wears out or to bed.

He’s often trying to piece together the bits of songs he hears her humming and creating. She’ll share them with him one day, he won’t make her.

Billy’s not a prince. He’s probably beaten up a few in his day. But, he remembers. He pays attention. He lets Evie exist as her own soul and take up her own needed space.

They’re two equal stars twinkling pleasantly in the same shared constellation.

There’s plenty he didn’t tell her. About himself. About his life. Things he wanted to share, but he couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe one day. She needed to trust him enough in that light. And she did.

Before getting together, Evie thought of Billy too often when she was with Fredrick. Especially when she was under him. Counting the seconds before he finished with her. She hadn’t been warmed up enough and her prince was hurting her with his passion.

She wondered about asking him to stop. If he would. If he’d ignore her and chase his end. If he’d bruise her wrists again. A lot could be said about Billy, but he’d stop.

He wouldn’t ignore this beautiful star he’s so well attuned to. Billy wouldn’t hurt Evie and call it passion. He’d own his shit.

But, they tell her Billy isn’t the prince and the princess always was supposed to end up with her prince. Billy was a lone, glittering god with his own marble pedestal. Unobtainable. Eyes that watch the mortals below.

Maybe he’ll grace them with his presence and a fresh set of shiny arrows. Messy, little Eros with a laundry list of issues and vices he’ll never outrun. Evie didn’t mind to carry a few vices if he’d watch hers too. She was just a mortal girl with dreams higher than stars could go. Piled with dead weight as Fredrick collapsed into her. Smothering her.

And Evie’s first thought was always the shine of Billy’s eyes blaring into her after Fredrick dropped her at the end of Cherry Land so she could walk home. Defeated and wanting for more. They broke her heart.

Fredrick pushed down. Crushed her until Evie was gasping herself awake in her own bed. Eons later after she left him. After he shattered her already.

“Squirming more than usual.” A voice in the pillows next to her muttered. Billy groaned, turning over like he was annoyed.

Evie knew he wasn’t. She didn’t feel her heart give an unpleasant clench like she’d upset him. One arm slung over her stomach as Billy stretched back out on his front, facing her. A barely there glow from the moon trickled between the curtains showing his lashes fluttering.

“Just a dream.” Evie reached out and traced a line into his shoulder. Let her finger trail up to tap his nose. Made him scrunch and look sorta adorable.

“Well, it’s over.” Billy closed his eyes. Nestled into her heat. “Try rolling for another.”

“I like this better.” She caught his lip twitching up. Billy remained silent for a while there. Almost lulling back to sleep. He shifted up. Revived Evie with a simple, cathartic kiss. Mapping more across her cheek as lazy as can be.

They still felt carefully packaged. Billy had a way with careless affection that was still so striking and beautiful. Flaming arrows through her heart.

They don’t hurt. So few things hurt with Billy. Evie liked to think she returned that.

His arm tightened.

“I’ll roll this time.”

And Evie could let him without sacrificing her own agency. Her own narrative.

Fingers reached up to draw select gold curls aside. She decided princes were small and overrated. Billy had wings and he had light and he had a swelter of carefully exposed nerves that he trusted Evie to pluck. A heart he let her guard. He wouldn’t ask but she’d give that back.

Love cannot exist without soul. Without trust.

Evie pushed up to meet his oncoming kiss. Brought him back down to touch the soft earth with her. Where they felt safe together.

She realized it then as Billy shifted up to see her there. Fredrick never made her feel safe, he just used her to save himself. Sunk his teeth in to suck her dry of vitality so he could have it.

She didn’t ask Billy if he trusted her. Didn’t tell him in this moment that she trusted him. That was destiny. Not the draining of your soul until you’re forced to give it over.

Sometimes it was just knowing the obvious placement of stars. Glittery dust might sprinkle delicately over them.

“Let’s roll later,” Evie nudged her head into his, “always time for dreaming. But, I think I want to be wide awake right now. Hope that’s not too disappointing.” Hands shifted around his shoulders. A fuller smile crossed and Billy matched it. Blue eyes glinting almost iridescent. He hummed in thought. Seemed to agree.

“Evangeline,” he sounded out with some lazy amusement, “you couldn’t disappoint me if you tried, you know that?” Billy settled himself against her. Continued to map his euphoric paths. Stroking her cheek and hair. Sparking. Hushing. “Hope you know that much, Angel.”

“I know, Billy,” she sighed out to the forgiving cloak of night, “I do.”

#whump #Billy x Angel #billy hargrove #Billy hargrove x oc #writing #mine #Angel Fenny

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