#like not this shit again my dude bro pal! but can i ever make a proper brown and/or asian character? lmao. no | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strititty · 2 years

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another day, another ‘lime posts a full wip b/c they’re not actually sure they’re ever gonna finish it.’ this one is actually based on someone else’s fic--i asked permission to write an alternative to the 3rd chapter because my alpha dave scale was out of whack. for every alpha dave i read and write who’s a terrible person, there must also be a decent one, u see. the fic is noncon and u should check it out because it’s good!! this wip, however, is not noncon exactly, though it does address it.

once again putting the nsfw tag on this puppy b/c there’s no actual sex but it is heavily discussed etc etc etc

please enjoy!

==>

Your name is Davis fucking Strider and you rule the indie movie scene. And the club scene. And whatever scene you feel like sliding into.

You’re looking for a lay, but when are you ever not? If there’s anything you’re known for that isn’t goddamn perfect cinematic shots, it’s being a rampant, unrepentant horndog. Also an occasional coke addict, but shh. You don’t have a problem. Everyone else has a problem.

The point is, you own this club. Not literally, but this place is your fucking bitch. You’ve been here a thousand times and you’ll probably be here a thousand more, and this time you know what you want. Some of your friends have been talking about some sweet young thing that’s been bar-hopping, getting super fucked up and generally going with the goddamn flow. Hot, young, blonde, a total babe--you know, your usual MO.

One of your pals points him out, there, drinking at the bar. He knocks back a shot while you watch, and you’re maybe kinda fucked up yourself, but his silhouette is familiar. Maybe you’ve fucked him before? Hard to say. You’ve slept your way through half this city and it’s a wonder you don’t have a hundred thousand STDs and a crab cinched around your dick.

You make your way over to him while he takes another shot. Hot diggity shit, he’s really going at it. When you get close enough some sorta deja vu hits you like a truck and when you slide your hand along his back you realize you know these shoulders. You know this hair. It’s styled differently than usual--not quite so sharp. Softer. Looks nice on him.

But this is your brother, and he spares you a glance and then doubletakes. Blinks hard. “...Bro?”

“Dirk, the fuck are you doing out here?” you say, nailing your brotherly greeting like the excellent family member you are. Your hand still lingers on his shoulder, and you draw it back when you realize. He’s skunk-drunk and reeks like vodka.

He also doesn’t answer for a while, mulling over his words with exaggerated consideration. “I’m drinking, chucklefuck,” Dirk says, and he only slurs a little. You’re almost proud.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ see that, numbnuts. Last I checked you were too young to drink.”

“Last I checked you got boozed up on our birthday and celebrated with some stupid floozy instead of me, so eat my ass, bro.”

Yeowch. That stings. “To be fair, she was hot as shit and leaving the country the next day. That accent? Right to my dick, dude.”

He scoffs and signals for another drink. You nab his hand and shoo off the bartender before she can get him one. To that he growls and turns to look at you with the surliest fucking expression. “The fuck, Davis?”

You do your best impression of the shrug emoji. “Can’t let you drink yourself to an early grave, lil’ dude. C’mon.” He doesn’t move when you make like it’s time to leave, so you hook a hand under his arm and start tugging him away.

Dirk grumbles but lets himself be dragged. Him being so compliant and malleable is weird as shit, but then again, you’ve never seen him drunk, and you’re hardly home nowadays. Lots of shit needs to get done in production, and you’re crashing on other peoples’ couches as much as you are the occasional office or alleyway. Maybe he’s just like this now. Look at you go, Davis. Drove your brother to early onset alcoholism. Nice fucking going.

He comes along while you say bye to your friends because you’re not a fucking animal, you can say goodnight to them before you fuck off. They laugh at you and give you knowing looks and all that shit, but you just roll your eyes. Not that they can see it, but you telegraph it pretty well.

When you hoist him into the taxi you called to get out of this joint, he looks more sulky than anything.

“Is this some sort of ploy for attention? Is that what’s going on here? Cuz Dirk, you could’ve shot me a text or somethin’. You don’t need to get smashed and join a sheltered suburban mom’s first orgy or whatever the fuck you were doing. Heard you were getting into some pretty fucked up shit, dude, like. When you start getting a reputation that shit’s serious. You shouldn’t be out drinkin’.”

“That,” Dirk starts, with emphasis, “is the most hypocritical horseshit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.”

…Well, he’s not wrong.

“Yeah, okay,” you agree, after a moment of quiet. “But still. I’m, like, twenty years older than you. My slut reputation is timely and well-obtained. You should just be a baby slut, not the talk of the town. And also using condoms and the pill. Are you on the pill? We should get you on the pill.”

Dirk looks at you like you’re stupid. “You’re five years too late to give me the safe sex talk, bro. Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Not if you get herpes cuz some guy fucked you in the bathroom stall with pus and blood all up on his dick--”

“Gross.”

“--seriously, no way. You wanted my attention? Congrats, baby, you got it.”

“Don’t call me baby, it’s fucking creepy.” His lip has pulled up, but he looks out the window instead of at you. “I’m not your baby.”

You consider this and summarily dismiss it, in part because you’re a dick and in part because it’s patently untrue. “Yeah, no, you’re absolutely my baby.” You reach over and poke him in the side. “I raised you, fucker. Held you in my arms. Changed your diapers. Absolutely my baby.”

He smacks at your hand, still without looking at you. “Once again: eat my entire asshole.”

“Only if you take me on a date first.” You’re grinning, but his expression only gets darker and grumblier. His cheeks are flushed with alcohol, but you think they’ve darkened further. Dirk’s never been one to get embarrassed by a little dirty talk--you know, the normal kind, not the bedroom kind, you’ve never given Dirk the bedroom kind, but. The way he’s hunching in on himself, drunk and maybe flustered, makes you wonder if maybe you should have.

Woo boy, that’s the most fucked up thing you’ve thought all day, and you thought about Nic Cage’s saggy ball sack earlier. Purely for filmography reasons, of course. Looking at Dirk now that the idea’s in your head, though, you have to remember how he’s exactly your type. Cute blonde snarky twink? God, have you been lusting after your baby brother all your life?

You shouldn’t be thinking about that, but you’re kinda fucked up drugs-wise and when the cab driver drops you both off at your place, you pull Dirk maybe closer than you should. You’re just supporting him. It’s no big deal. He’s drunk as fuck.

You practically have to drag him up into your apartment, and then it’s just a matter of dumping him into his bed. You do it, as any brother would, by just fuckin’ dropping him onto it, and he grunts like he might kill you for your indiscretions. “Fuck you,” he says without much bite.

“Maybe later,” you say, and start unlacing his shoes. He kicks at you until he realizes what you’re doing, and then he just kind of turns into dead weight. Off come his hightops, and you chuck them into the corner before flopping in bed next to him.

You then remember you’re still wearing your own shoes, so you start kicking them off in the least coordinated way possible. Dirk turns his head to, again, look at you like you’re stupid. “The fuck are you doing?” he slurs at you.

“Gettin’ ready for bed,” you tell him, finally getting your right shoe off. Nailed it. The other follows shortly after. You unzip your pants too, for good measure, and start to wiggle out of them. “Y’know, we used to sleep in the same bed all the time. Back before I made it big, you know. When you were like five? You were just the cutest little kid, Dirk, you never stopped fuckin’... takin’ things apart. That poor toaster.”

“That toaster got what was coming,” he says, and you’ve softened him up some. His voice is less angry drunken sailor, more vaguely fond and reminiscent.

“You remember way back then, huh?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

You toss your shades on the nightstand and then roll onto your side to look at him, at the softness of his face and the fluff of his unstyled hair. You kinda wanna touch it. “I don’t know, man. You were so little. Fuck if I know what happened when I was five.”

“You’re also an old man.” He turns his head to look at you too, and his expression is more familiar to you now. That sort of invitation to be in on the joke that you both used to share with each other. Striders, together, on the same team. The way it used to be.

“I’m fuckin’ forty, you jerk.”

“Ancient.”

“Ex-fucking-scuse you.”

“I can hear your bones creaking right now,” he drawls, and yeah. That’s a little smile on his face. Success. You’ve done well.

“Fuck you,” you say without a lick of seriousness.

He looks smug when he echoes, “Maybe later.”

You snort and throw your arm over him. “Shut the fuck up, Dirk, you’re such a little smartass. I swear to god, someone’s gonna give you what for one of these days.”

“Sure.” He sounds like someone who’s already gotten what for. You remember what folks told you about him, about how he got fucked through bars and bars and bars, and something twists in your gut. Something jealous, something angry. He’s your little brother, and you know what happens to folks who get too drunk at clubs alone. You wonder what they did to him. You wonder if he wanted it. Part of you hopes he did, because the idea of someone raping Dirk makes you fucking furious, but part of you hopes he didn’t, because he should save wanting it for someone--

Special?

Someone like you?

Yeah, you’re hot shit. You know that. But you don’t think you’re hot enough shit for someone to save their virginity for, and especially not Dirk. Your baby brother. The kid you took care of for years until the fame kicked in and you just kept leaving.

Fuck, you’re a shitty brother.

“Hey,” you say, a little softer. Dirk makes an ‘mm?’ noise, half-asleep already. Last you remember, he was a massive insomniac. More points for drinking, you guess. “Those people you fucked. Did you want it? Heard some pretty fucked up shit, kiddo.”

He looks at you with his amber eyes, his mouth pursing into a thin line. After a while, he says, “Yeah. Yeah, I wanted it.”

You don’t know if you believe him.

You definitely know you shouldn’t rest your hand on his cheek, because one, that’s a stupid movie cliche that feels awkward in real life, and two, because he’s your brother. But he’s <i>your</i> brother. “Dirk,” you mumble back. He’s still, now, watching you from under pale eyelashes. “Were you really doing it for attention?”

He doesn’t answer for a while, staring at you like he’s trying to piece together some great puzzle. You’re not sure there’s a puzzle to put together. You’re not sure there ever has been.

“...Yeah,” he finally says, so you kiss him.

Dirk doesn’t really kiss back, but he doesn’t seem super surprised. He doesn’t freeze up, or try to hit you, or shove you away. He sighs into your mouth and doesn’t do much of anything. You pull away after a few seconds and he’s still just watching you, blinking slowly.

“Is that what you wanted?” you ask.

He keeps blinking like the answer’s swimming somewhere in his eyes and he needs to clear it away. When he realizes you’re not gonna do anything till he responds, he murmurs, “I don’t know.”

You don’t know either, but you kiss him again. His mouth tastes like vodka, like warm and wet, and he’s so… compliant. His hand comes up, but he doesn’t really do anything with it--it just hovers over your shoulder for a bit before falling back down. You kiss him again, and then again, and then along his jaw. When he still barely moves, you break off and watch him as intently as he’s watching you.

“Dirk,” you say, “if you don’t want this, you gotta tell me. I couldn’t live with myself if you got fucked up over this.”

Dirk, drunk, maybe lost, a creature in wait, just looks at you.

Your heart twists along with your gut. “Dirk, c’mon.”

He looks at you and then shuts his eyes, sighing. You get the feeling this isn’t really what he wants at all. This isn’t what he’s used to. He says, “I never thought I’d have to accuse you of being too nice, Davis.”

“Eat my entire ass,” you have to say back. You just have to. “You’re my baby and I love you. I’m not always nice but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be okay, dumbshit.”

“This isn’t how this is supposed to go,” Dirk tells you, and sounds vaguely frustrated about it. “You’re supposed to pin me down and tell me stupid shit about how I’m a slut and a whore and I’ve been asking for it since I was five and then you’re supposed to shove your dick in me and it’s supposed to hurt. You’re fucking it up, bro.”

Right, yeah. That’s definitely your heart twisting now. “Is that what you’re into?”

“Sure, yeah. Fucking hell, dude, just do it.”

You frown at him. “...No, I don’t think I will.”

He groans, frustrated, and flumps away from you. You, predictably, keep your arm around him and snuggle up close into his back. “Seriously, if you’re actually into rape kink I’ll fuck around with it for you, but Jesus Christ, Dirk. Have you even tried anything else? I cannot stress enough how not okay you seem right now. Like, has anyone sat you down and told you how drop dead gorgeous you are? Have you ever topped? Fucked while you weren’t drunk? Be real with me.”

Dirk, sounding for all the world like you’ve just actually started giving him the safe sex talk and that he would rather be anywhere else, says, “Forget it, man, don’t worry about it. I don’t want to fuck if you’re gonna be like this.”

“So you did want to fuck.” You grin in your epic gotcha moment and then remember you’re talking about banging your brother and promptly feel kind of weird about it. Not weird enough to stop, though.

“Ugh. Yeah, fine. Sure. I wanted to fuck.”

“See, was that so hard?” You kiss the back of his neck, feel him shiver, and wonder if you’re getting somewhere here. “We could do so many things, Dirk. You just gotta tell me about ‘em. I could call you a slut, or the most beautiful guy in the world, or! Fuck it, both. We love mixing metaphors here. You could fuck me so hard I can’t talk straight and you’ll finally get me to shut my mouth for more than ten seconds.” Beat. “Maybe.”

He snorts. “Not likely.”

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s what gags are for.”

#lime writes #alphacest #stridercestweeknsfw #alpha dave #dirk

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elvesofnoldor · 5 years

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hm im in a mood

#the mood is here to stay and the mood is: i hate being chinese and reading and writing chinese and everything chinese #guess who's back on their self hating bullshit! me! but at least i dont wanna be white so i guess hashtag character development?#but i still hate hate hate!!!!!!!#i have no love to give and idk why im forced to be alive right now #hey i dont even have an excuse for any of this! 2nd generation immigrant kids can say *oh i was never represented in shits wah wah wah*#i mean. white supremacy is a global thing. whatever. globalization. whatever. but hey according to u all im suppose to be a happy chink!#but my 1st generation immigrant ass actually grew up in china lmao and yet!!! im still a whole freak who hates my cultural identity #being chinese? that doesn't spark joy lol. being asian? doesnt mean shit to me #its funny cause i love to see asian characters in american media. and somehow i always relate to them better than any asians in asian media #asian characters in american media? that does spark a lot of joy for some fucking reason #im just looking at my inquisitor in the icon and i hate her sometimes cause she reminds me how i perhaps still want to be white #like not this shit again my dude bro pal! but can i ever make a proper brown and/or asian character? lmao. no #im not making sense and idc im just burnt out and i wanna die thanks!

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demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 2 years

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Binary Boyfriends S4 Fix-It Fics That I Need Immediately

WHAT UP BINARY BOYFRIENDS NATION, WHO’S READY TO WRITE SOME FIX-IT FIC???

Apologies in advance if any of these have already been done, but consider!!! I am always down to see more!!!

Psyche! Its turns out Yasmine and Demetri both are absolutely aware that they’re gay and are 100% faking a straight relationship to seem more cool and normal! The only reason they sell the horniness so well is because they’re both theatrical motherfuckers and wanna see how much they can overdramatically ham it up to fool the entire school into thinking they’re heterosexual

Demetri attempts to stand up for Hawk with Chris and Nate! Make no mistake, not because I think it would work, but because Demetri sometimes has 0 tact when he gets angry and I think the fallout would be very funny

Demetri and Hawk spar, but Hawk accidentally hits Demetri too hard!!! Angst ensues!!!

Demetri and Hawk spar, and they get all amped up on adrenaline and suddenly one is shoving the other against the dojo wall and making out with them!!! The entire dojo sees them and it’s very funny

Demetri jumps off the building!!! And brags about it to Hawk!!! Hawk looks at him with heart eyes because he’s a badass!!!

Alternatively, Demetri tries to jump and lands on the mattresses. He has to go to the hospital. Hawk visits him and switches between heaping on adoring praise for being so ballsy and yelling at Demetri for being so stupid and scaring the shit out of him.

Bonus points if Demetri literally only jumped to impress Hawk

Demetri and Hawk being utter and complete overprotective karate dads to Nate and Bert

Like remember how they both adopted them as their sons??? LET’S DO SOMETHING WITH THAT

Demetri dyeing Hawk’s hair in the bathtub and it’s very intimate and they keep aggressively tryna No Homo it

I think this may have already been done but I am literally always down to see it again

POV: You’re a Cobra Kai goon about to help the scary Keene kid shave off some dude’s gay-ass purple mohawk when there’s a crash and the most gangly, uncoordinated dweeb you’ve ever seen busts in through the tattoo shop window

You’re like “who’s this clown”

But “clown” as in horror movie clown specifically, because this interloper has a mildly to moderately unsettling look on his face

Cue the unsettling clown saying “Evening gentlemen :) :) :) Hope you’re not about to do something you regret to my pal Eli here :) :) :)” in a really quiet and calm tone of voice, which is. DEEPLY terrifying

*cue Demetri breaking into the world’s hugest and most horrifying slasher smile*

And he unleashes nine levels of hell on the Cobras, because he deserves to

Bonus points if he steals the razor and goes just a BIT slash-happy on them

Or strangles Kyler with the belt thing he was holding Eli down with

I just think Demetri should be allowed to completely fucking lose it and become the scariest motherfucker you’ve ever seen when someone messes with his boyfriend Eli Moskowitz

No really, just stop what you’re doing and imagine Demetri chasing Kyler through the tattoo parlor with a shaver Shining-style like “HEEEEERE’S ‘METRI!”

Like would that fuck or WHAT

On a related note, Demetri going full Slasher Movie Villain on the Cobras to get revenge after they shave the ‘hawk would also be acceptable

I think he should bring Miguel along too, I think that would be neat

Just a couple of best bros going to inflict unspeakable violence on the ne’er-do-wells who brutally violated their other best bro, don’t mind them

Demetri still gets to be more unhinged through

Because a) that’s his fucking boyfriend whose hair they’re avenging and b) Miguel has already gotten to be scary on many occasions!!! Let Demetri have a turn!!!

Demetri lets Eli come over to his house for a good cry after he gets the ‘hawk shorn! They binge Star Wars, end up accidentally cuddling on Demetri’s bed, and then they start smooching!

Sorry since Yasmine and Demetri are fake-dating it doesn’t count as cheating

Assume Demetri and Yasmine are fake-dating for basically all of these actually

Something something Demetri helps even out Eli’s buzzcut and he’s super Soft as he does it

What if we kissed…? In your basement…? After I let myself into your house and tell you you’ll always be my best friend and encourage you to not give up karate…? Just kidding! Unless…?

Eli should have leaned in and and stolen a kiss after Demetri said “whether you’re a 1 or a 0″!!!! I’m sorry, I do not make the rules!!!

Yasmine never shows up at the prom, and Demetri and Eli decide to slow-dance together “as a joke.” What happens next will shock you!

Alternatively!!! Yasmine comes to prom, and Demetri gets excited!!! It turns out Yasmine flew all the way back to Australia to dump Demetri and finally confess her love to Moon!

OR Demetri sees Yasmine walk into prom, but what’s this??? A hot Aussie girl on Yasmine’s arm that she brought back from Sydney???

Meanwhile Moon still totally ignores Eli because she’s too busy dancing with girls and/or going to prom with Piper, who she has not actually broken up with because whoever told that to Demetri is a dirty liar you see

Demetri and Eli are chillin at the prom afterparty because they went as dates and Moon and Yasmine are too busy with their gfs to hang out! Cue them wandering into the back when the big Love Square fight breaks out and Eli running in to try and help Miguel

Sadly Eli gets kicked in the chest and falls in the pool!!! Demetri is like “oh no let me help you out” and then Eli pulls him in too, just to be a little shit!!! Then they kiss in their soaking wet prom suits and it’s ridiculous and awesome!!!

Demetri and Eli participate in a Miyagi-Do training montage and it’s homoerotic

Consider!!! Demetri overhears Kyler harassing Eli during the AVT and is the one to reassure Eli about his identity and his worth because, you know that makes infinitely more sense than Moon??? AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN

DEMETRI IS THE ONE WHO GIVES HIM THE GOOD LUCK KISS THAT MAKES HIS CONFIDENCE COME BACK ACTUALLY

And Eli gets inspired by Demetri’s confidence, because damn, does this dude have balls to shamelessly kiss another boy in front of the entire AVT audience!!!

Concept: Demetri-Kyler tournament fight, and Demetri gets so fucking pissed about the way Kyler’s always treated Eli that he just goes completely feral and unhinged and nearly gives him a Brucks-level beatdown, BUT THEN

Eli actually has to be the one to get him to calm down and snap him out of it, and persuade him to show mercy!!!

POETIC FUCKING CINEMA

Alternatively, Demetri wails on Robby even harder during their fight, and talks some shit with his big stupid mouth

“Hey Robby, been doing any paralyzing lately? Or forced haircuts? How about dojo-betraying?”

Like let him talk shit, Demetri deserves to be mean and unsportsmanlike actually

Basically any POV fic showing Demetri and Eli’s thoughts as they watch each other fight

Like just anything that really dives into how they’re both like...stressed as fuck and worried each other’s gonna get hurt etc etc

Demetri just goes “you know what??? FUCK IT” and gives Eli a BIG OL VICTORY KISS in front of everyone after he wins!!!

Bonus points if Eli lifts Demetri up while he’s kissing him :O

What if--and hear me out--what if Demetri and Eli went on a gay little road trip to find Miguel??? And that was the plot of Season 5???

I may like that last one so much that I already caved and wrote a one-shot about it

Get hyped for that y’all

Never thought I’d actually get into writing CK fanfic but here we are

Fanfic writers please go batshit wild, every single one of these is, in fact, free real estate!!! And god knows I don’t have the time to write them all XD But they rest of y’all, please go buckwild!!! I will try and read every single one :D

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katsus-world · 3 years

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How bakugou and kirishima would react if they walked in on you crying cause of a show.

umm totally not self-indulged

Genre: fluff, not really angst, hc's

Also these are kinda long

It's 6pm and bakugou is getting back to the dorms from the gym with his read head pal.

He's annoyed at you to say the least.

You haven't answered his texts. And hes worried bro

(Not that he'll ever admit it tho)

Anyways Kiri and him get to the dorms smelling like sweat

That's just Kiri

But bakugou left the red head behind when the blonde checked his phone

he was about to send u another angry text But he saw that you left him on read.

Lmao ╰_╯he does that face and goes storming up to your room.

When he noticed that the doors locked his first instinct is to blow the door

But he stops himself when he hears muffled sniffs

Bakubaby would stay at the door for a couple of seconds thinking if he did something to upset you

But then his thoughts go to the opposite direction

What if someone did something to you.

Just the thought if someone hurting you made his heart hurt and his blood boil at the same time.

Finally returning to his senses he knocks on the door hard.

Hearing a small scream come from your room and the cracking of your floor board, you open the door.

Puffy red eyes and pouty lips look back at him as you stare at you boyfriend.

Quickly he hugs you.

"Who the fuck did this? Huh, I'll kill them!" his own way of caring you laugh slightly.

"Nobody did anything, calm down Kat."

His face goes (｀o´)? For a moment and pulls away

"Then why the hell are you cryin'?" you push him inside your room and close the door.

you shuffle your way to your bed feeling his red eyes follow your figure. You clear your throat as you explain what happened.

"So the mc lost ANOTHER person Kat! They've gone through so much! And I really like [character name]!" your glossy eyes look back at your bf who at the moment looks stunned.

"Wait let me get this straight. Your cryin' over a fucking show?! Dumbass, come here."

You quickly made your way in his arms and he patted your back trying to make you feel better.

The next morning you go to kaminari and you both talk about the show and kami would get emotional too.

He told you to watch it so you both can talk about it

It's the weekend and Kirishima just woke up

It's like 9:35 and the first thing he does is grab his phone.

Mans would send you a good morning text but he found it odd that you didn't respond.

Lmao but then he remembers it's Sunday and you probably just wanted to sleep in

He goes down stairs and makes himself some all might cereal.

Don't come at me 😭

After that he goes to train with the Bakusquad and sero asks if your not awake.

"They're probably asleep bro, Ill check up in them later." he gives sero a toothy smile and make their way to the gym.

Meanwhile your at your dorm.

Your computer open and snacks around you.

Being the s/o of Kiri ment being friends with bakugou lmao

You two rarely talk only when he's screaming at you to fight him

Anywaysss you and Kiri were in baku's dorm studying. Not really he was just yelling at Kiri to focus.

Long story short Kiri went out for snacks and bc he trusts you to stay in the room with another dude and not do anything he left u and Baku.

Taking out your phone baku snatches it and tosses it with your sharky boyfriends on his bed.

"Focus on the homework!" not paying attention to what he said, something caught your eye.

Behind him was a shelf of romance manga, your lock eye with the blonde and laugh your ass off.

"Damn bakugou I didn't know you were into that stuff!"

"Shut up extra! I'll kill yo-" cutting him off you got up.

"Are any of them good?" he rolled his eyes and slumped in the floor.

"Why?" again you locked eyes with the blonde and sighed.

" I just finished a show an I need something else to watch, are any of these good?" you repeated yourself as you saw the angry blonde point at one of the mangas

"Tch, this one is good." a devilish smirk spread across his face as you turned around.

That was the saddest one he had in his shelf.

Back to present time, you still haven't answered the phone and it was 1:15 pm

You don't ever sleep this late. Walking back to the dorms he made his way to your room.

Completely forgetting that he smelled like sweat, very faintly tho.

Ax Body Spray that's all I have to say

When he opened the door, there you where lying on your bed, tissues crumbled up in your hands as you stared at your laptop screen.

Sniffles caught his attention, you not even fazed that the door opened.

He ran to you to see what's wrong.

"Hey baby! What's wrong? Why are you crying? Did somethi-" your hand placed on his lips as your glossy eyes stayed in the screen.

"Nishimiya!" the screen echoed across the room as hot tears spilled out of your eyes.

"Y/n!-" you shushed him very quickly as you pulled him on your bed. Your eyes never falling off the screen.

His arms wrap behind you as he looks too.

You gasp as the mc hits a table, his eyes widened as he calls the other girl by her first name.

Suddenly the girl falls, the mc running to save her, catching her by the wrist.

You cry out as you see nishimiya look at mc.

Tears gather in your boyfriend's eyes as he holds you tighter.

After finishing the whole movie, kirishima looks at you with puffy eyes.

"So that's why you were crying? Heh, I see why." you apologize for shushing him and pepper his face with kisses.

Later that day, you see bakugou at dinner and he obviously sees that you've been crying, a large smirk as he sees you walk towards him.

"I hate you." His smirk wideneds and replies,

"Don't go snooping in my shit then."

(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T)(T_T

Lmao this was originally supposed to have todoroki too but I got lazy sorry (◞‸◟ㆀ).

Anyways have y'all seen euphoria? Well yeah I finished that and it left me in tears 😔🖐.

Un revised so sorry about any spelling errors 😅

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sokkagatekeeper · 3 years

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bestie did i read that right you CANNOT just say “haru had a brief fling with zuko” in the tags and leave it at THAT-

no but i WOULD like to hear about haru x zuko🤔🤔 (@i-hate-mayo)

yeah well maybe i need to stop talking so much in the tags. that said! me and @/zukkot crafted this scenario (about an 80% of a joke. give or take) in which haru has a brief fling with zuko at the western air temple, most importantly at the same time he has a fling with katara. now i know this sounds batshit but there’s a big comedic value to it.

reasons why haru should hook up with zuko and katara at the same time: it would be further proof of the fact that katara and zuko share the same taste in men (see: jet, who is also sokka-esque); it would mean katara and zuko share not only one, but two ex-boyfriends/boyfriend-adjacents; it would mean dumb teen romantic drama, and i think they deserve it; it would definitely strengthen their friendship. somehow!

people this fling would piss off: katara, for letting another tall boy with nice hair break her heart and for zuko of all people nonetheless; sokka, for being foced to remember the fact that katara and zuko have the same (SHITTY) taste in men; aang, who is deep down a twelve-year old in puppy love; ty lee, who is honestly a little tired of people breaking zuko’s little heart, even if it was kinda funny at one point

people this fling would be a fun little adventure to: haru! and do not misunderstand him, he might’ve made a mistake, but in his defense, he thought katara... knew. zuko knew he was having a fling with katara as well, why wouldn’t katara? overall this was a fun experience that served haru to understand he is, in fact, straight. now “why would haru experiment with zuko, fugitive prince of the fire nation, of all people?” the answer is that haru has no impulse control, next question; toph, who loves teen drama when it’s merely outside of her person but inside her social circle, and whose feet are very aware of everything that went down at the western air temple, is very amused as well.

people this fling would not piss off: zuko, whose heart was not, in fact, broken by haru. he might’ve been hooking up with haru but deep down he was pining after sokka the entire time, the poor thing. which also brings me to my next statement;

zuko can uh... forgive the mustache, when they’re at it. katara thinks it’s hot, sokka thinks it’s hideous, zuko thinks it’s... fine. whatever. five out of ten. but it’s definitely not a plus. zuko likes haru enough, and nothing more — he’s not a sokka, y’know. not even a jet. but that’s fine, because zuko is not looking for romance! he’s looking to distract himself from his embarassing crush on sokka, the crushing weight of uncertainity of not knowing if his uncle hates his guts or not, his imminent defeat and death and general mortality upon joining a 12 year-old’s rebel gang of child soldiers, etc. you know, typical teen boy stuff. so when haru off-handedly mentions katara, zuko is just like “huh. ok?” he simply doesn’t give a shit. good for him! katara on the other hand is not looking for romance on principle, not because haru wasn’t a good candidate, but because you know, the War. girl has her priorities. but haru is so sweet to her she has got to admit she sort of got a crush. now there’s two possible scenarios in which katara finds out;

first, during their last days at ember island, when sharing grief over jet, looking to lighten up the mood a little, zuko says “isn’t it crazy we share two entire ex-boyfriends” and katara is like “what.” and then zuko gets drenched instantly. there’s no witnesses; who’s to say what happened really. maybe a very big wave or something

OR, when toph says, “i knew you had a secret thing with haru!” at the same time katara and zuko, aka the exact same person defensively say, “NO I DID NOT—” and it goes downhill from there

either way. internally, katara is like, “haru wouldn’t do that” but then she concludes she actually doesn’t care that much about haru, and she thinks “i can’t believe ZUKO would do that!!!” and she gets back on her zuko-is-evil mindset the entire day — “you just had to colonize my love life as well, didn’t you???” they are back to being ride-or-die besties by the next morning tho.

upon these very public, very hilarous revelations, sokka sincerely believes it is his right to punch that dude. fuckboying it up not only with his bro, his boy bestie, his pal, his totally absolutely entirely platonic lohl (love of his life) etc etc, but also with his sister!! that is of course until zuko tells him no, haru did not break his heart (jet did tho. poor thing p2. good thing zuko broke his heart right back! but that’s for another post). zuko insists it was a meaningless fling for him, even if it angered katara to no end, and then it angered zuko because it angered katara, because they are both Like That. since then, sokka finds the situation... kinda funny.

so a year after the war has ended, aang and katara inevitably break up. the first thing sokka does upon hearing the news is go directly to zuko like, “if you go after aang i swear to god” and then zuko almost pukes a little. not about to make out with a twelve year old, y’know? (and actually, aang is fourteen at the time, but once you know someone at twelve at sixteen you always know them at twelve at sixteen. privately, aang thinks zuko is kinda ugly, anyway.) during the years aang and katara spend as just friends, katara and haru light up their little flame again for a little while. it’s fun, but it doesn’t last. there’s too much history there, y’know? sometimes zuko will visit and give haru the bad eye, and haru thinks it’s because he kinda broke zuko’s heart, but in reality it’s because he broke katara’s heart and made her angry, and zuko can hold a grudge. eventually tho aang and katara get back together because they go really hard on fate and soulmates. zuko thinks it’s perfectly reasonable, and sokka & toph don’t want to ruin their beautiful love story just yet, so they keep quiet. when sokka and zuko get together, katara looks at zuko straight in the eye and says “no.” and zuko points at aang, and says “no.” so their shared type in men comes to an amiable end.

that is, until one night at a sleepover. zuko takes a sip of his tea (alcohol) and says, “jet was kinda like sokka, though” and katara says “No.” but zuko keeps going, also pretty horrified, “and haru is kinda like aang” and katara says “STOP.” and they happily agree to never speak of any of it ever again.

#this is my haruko agenda #katara #zuko #haru #katara&zuko #zukoxharu #kataraxharu #gaang #because of the chaos going down #(?#it counts #n #headcanons #asks #anon #i-hate-mayo #long post #i hope this was of ur liking besties. it certainly was of MY liking lmao i had the time of my life typing this

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it.

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video.

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it.

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent.

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s].

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it.

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha.

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao.

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier.

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting.

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship.

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him.

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao.

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc.

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej.

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you?

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving.

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel.

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him.

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still.

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay.

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up.

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’.

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay.

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable.

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#cockles #i am sorry this is such a mess lmao but enjoy i guess?#jib 8 #alsaurus-loves-dean #i edited in the timestamps because apparently the links dont work on mobile and just jump to the beginning of the vid. sigh

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neverdoingmuch · 3 years

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Wait cql lawyer/law school AU

i got you my pal dont worry!!

law school, im gonna be honest and say i know like nothing about law or law school so pls ignore any inconsistencies or inaccuracies

lwj goes to law school and he is definitely the top student in his class. they’ve been there for like a month and everyone already knows he’s gonna be the best

his one and only competition is this dude called wei wuxian but lwj isn’t particularly worried about him

so far they’re still in the stage of the course where they do the fun things to sucker people into doing the class for the semester so there’s been some practise debates and arguments and stuff in their tutorial classes

wei wuxian has that Charisma and like yeah all of his arguments are perfect but also he has an amazing smile and people are like yes i can trust him

(he’s definitely the sort to be like hm, the easy way to argue this case would be to quote some laws and use precedence to justify this but that’s boring)

lwj is also good at that sort of stuff because his arguments are perfect and everything is so perfectly researched that there should be no ground at all for someone to lodge a counterargument

(wei wuxian manages somehow and it makes lwj so mad)

but that’s whatever lwj thinks,, a lot of people join law thinking it’s gonna be like the tv shows and books and then get completely blindsided when it comes to the rote learning part or like the actual laws

and for all of wwx’s confidence, lwj hasn’t actually seen wwx so much as touch the textbook/s and he always studies in the law library so he knows that wwx has probably never even been there bc he hasn’t seen him even once (why’s he looking? bc he needs to see which books wwx uses to study,, bc there has to be something going on there,, obviously)

then they do their first like proper written assignment and lwj and wwx tie for the highest scores and now lwj has a Rival and he refuses to lose to someone who thinks that putting a ‘-us’ sound at the end of a word makes it latin (did wwx say habeas corpus and then point at a soft drink and go sprite-us can-us,,, maybe,,,,)

anyway! lwj and wwx are kinda rivals for the top spot and it’s one of those situations where one test lwj wins by a point but then the next test wwx gets full marks and they just keep exchanging the top spot in class

and this whole time wwx is like The Worst to have in class. he’s always interrupting to ask questions or just straight up not listening and spends the class doodling pictures of rabbits (they’re cute but wwx is terrible and he’s not allowed to make cute drawings)

so after a few months the most horrible thing happens.... they get put together in a project and lwj is like ugh. internally of course but his face is also saying ugh

the first time wwx and lwj get together to work on the project, lwj is prepared with a proper list of tasks to do all nicely split up between the two of them and a schedule for when they should get certain parts done by.

needless to say, lwj does not expect wwx to be ready, but wwx is definitely on top of things

he rocks up and is like yeah let’s do this, this and this and have them done by this time - basically proposing to do everything that lwj has already written down

and lwj is pleasantly surprised and is like hm maybe i misjudged wwx and decides to like re-evaluate his opinion on him

in doing so he realises that when he’d never seen wwx studying, it wasn’t an exaggeration at all. he’s never seen wwx so much as touch a textbook or spend more than a minute on a laptop doing something that wasn’t minesweeper or solitaire

but wwx is also making all of their deadlines and even adds extra information and resources to their document that could be useful elsewhere and sometimes he shows up to their study sessions and he looks absolutely exhausted

eventually lwj manages to get the truth out and wwx is just like yeah it’s easier to get worse grades than a genius but if you both study and you still get lower grades, it’s not easy,, for jc or for me

so wwx usually studies at night when his brother is asleep and lwj is like that’s bad, you can’t keep that up and just when wwx is about to go off at him lwj is like you can come study at my place

and thus begins the wonderful time where everything is alright and lwj falls in love with wwx

they work really well together and wwx is strangely considerate and nice? when he finds out lwj likes rabbits, he goes out and buys bunny post-it notes for lwj and starts to always bring him a doodle of bunnies every time he comes over. he always gets his work done on time, early even, and his work is always so brilliant and every time wwx smiles at him, lwj feels warm inside etc etc

for a long while lwj is like yes (: this is friendship (: bc he’s never had a crush before but then on the day they submit their project wwx is like hey,, the two of us make a great team,, we should always work together,, now and next year and even when we graduate,, i want to help the innocent people who need our help and i think i’d like it a lot if you joined me and lwj has his oh moment

they get a perfect score on the project of course and even after it finishes, wwx keeps coming over to lwj’s place to study or just hang out and lwj is just falling more and more for wwx each day

they’re best friends now and everyone gets used to seeing them work together on projects and then turn around to try and decimate each other when they’re working one on one and lwj thinks that he might just be the happiest he’s ever been

but then one day wwx doesn’t show up to class. it shouldn’t be strange but wwx has never missed class even once and he ends up hearing from lxc who heard from jgy that wwx was caught sabotaging some other student’s work (the other student was jzxun, who had a fondness for playing devil’s advocate and other than wwx once telling him that his argument was shit, wwx never spoke to him or seemed to know who he was but lwj is a bit too angry to remember that)

he manages to find wwx outside of his dorms as he’s moving out and he’s just like why did you do that? and wwx is like oh y’know,, bc he’s not really sure what’s happening himself,, one second he was at the top of his class and the next he was being brought before a board and being told that he was being expelled but he’s not going to tell lwj that bc lwj would definitely try and stand up for him and then they’d both get expelled

but lwj is furious and just spits out well if our dreams meant so little to you then maybe it’s a good thing you failed now,, bc his mother was a lawyer who took all these little jobs that helped people who actually needed the help and lwj was looking forward to doing that with wwx and he doesn’t even seem to care that now they can’t do that

wwx flinches and then smiles at him and just cheerily says, that’s me and leaves. he doesn’t look back and lwj doesn’t chase after him.

lwj doesn’t see him again for years (you can do 13 or 5 or however long you feel like)

lwj is a fully licensed lawyer and he’s working for the family company and he spends half of his time working on cases and uses the rest of his time to do like outreach programs where he goes and visits schools and runs sessions on what it’s like to be a lawyer, how to apply, and to provide assistance to any students who decide to study law at uni

and then at one of these programs he meets this kid, wen yuan, who is ridiculously bright and enthusiastic and has a smile that seems oddly familiar

at the end of the second session he comes up to lwj and is like mr. lan, is your name lan wangji? and lwj just says yes, expecting the kid to be a fan of one of his cases or something but then wen yuan is like oh wow! i thought i recognised you from my dad’s photo!

and lwj isn’t expecting much but he asks what the photo looks like and wen yuan pulls out this photo from his pocket and lwj immediately recognises it,, it’s the only photo he has of him and wwx

your father is wei ying? lwj asks him and wen yuan is like yes, hesitates, and then asks, would you like to see him?

and that’s how lwj finds himself following wen yuan to some dinky little office that has a plaque outside that reads wen and wei

(wen ning is the nicest and sweetest person ever and lots of people underestimate him but then he’s an absolute monster on court. he gets up and completely decimates the opponent and then at the end is like (: it was so nice to meet you!! i am baby!! and all that,, you know our boy)

anyway they walk in and wwx turns to greet wen yuan but then he sees lwj and is like woah! you! and he’s not sure whether to hide or go and hug lwj so he just gives him a fist bump,, like a bro,, and immediately wants to shrivel up and die

anyway they get the reunion stuff out of the way, swelling music, tender wrist holding, lots of staring, lwj silently declaring his wholehearted love for wwx and refusing to believe rumours about him again even though he doesn’t actually know what happened, you know how it goes

from wwx’s side of things,, after he got kicked out he went to some small uni. good in its own right but not known for their law program and ended up specialising in family law

the first case he ever won was for the wens to have the right to keep custody of a-yuan and the first case wen ning ever won was to let wwx adopt a-yuan bc i’m soft like that

so wwx has just been kinda vibing,, being a single dad, living with the wens and helping to make that difference he always promised he would

now this isn’t gonna be some au where lwj goes oh my! i must give up my high salary job and work with wwx! bc lwj has been doing good stuff at his current job and for all of his family’s stuffiness, they run a fair and just company

but! he does end up helping wwx when wwx gets a letter with a bunch of information about the jins and how they’re actually super corrupt and evil (big surprise,,) and how wwx was maybe definitely framed bc he was doing some casual work on the side and stumbled across some bad shit on the jins back in uni

lwj ends up being the one to take the case officially but wwx is definitely the guy leading it and so lwj ends up spending most of his time at the wen-wei office

lwj definitely bonds with wen yuan, who also wants to go into law, and writes him recommendation letters and helps him edit his applications and stuff

(and one day wen yuan is like leaving you was the hardest thing dad ever did and i dont think you appreciated how much he cared about you. he really did think that he annoyed you ‘til the end and lwj is like no! he didn’t! and wen yuan is like yeah i know but you gotta tell him and lwj really does mean to but the time is never right or something like that but also wen yuan is all but calling lwj dad at this point)

anyway they end up going to court, side by side, working as a team just as they promised to do and just as they finish their final day on the case, ended with the jury ruling jgy guilty and wwx’s reputation all but saved, wwx turns around and flings himself at lwj

is he crying? is he laughing? a bit of both tbh but wwx ends up confessing right then and there, still on record and everything (is that how that works??? idk! let’s say it does)

and what can lwj do but make out with him?

did a news crew come in to film the results of this massive court case just to end up with five minutes of wangxian kissing?? maybe! but when it played on tv it meant wwx and lwj didnt have to actually tell anyone they got together

(and does lwj eventually pop the question using wwx’s bad latinification? yes and wwx is too busy laughing to accept at first but he does and they end up being the worst possible tutors for wen yuan as he goes through law school bc they keep being all gross and lovey-dovey and acting like law school is the most romantic place in the world)

#mdzs #Anonymous #modao zushi #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #all of my understanding of law comes from the pelican brief which i read over 10 years ago and one seminar on law courses at uni #so sorry if it's bad #):#lan sizhui #also i stand by wen yuan #let him keep his last name!#my aus #asks

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mythologymondays · 4 years

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It’s that time again, the time where we all gleefully sit down on the nearest mound and regale ourselves with totally normal Welsh tales of magical women and horses and enchanted bags, because that’s just how the Mabinogion is. Fun sources and FACTS beneath the cut, as always.

Press J on your keyboard if you hate stories about Medieval etiquette, liminality, and magic mounds.

The Prince and the Horse Girl: a temporally disconnected romance for the ages

So, the last we heard of Pwyll, he had successfully cockblocked himself into becoming best friends with Arawn, the Lord of the Underworld, which sounds like a pretty average Friday night in Cardiff, let me tell you. Anyway, Pwyll at this point is just kind of riding high on the fame that being best pals with Arawn brings, and he’s showing his friendship bracelet to everyone he meets and saying stuff like “yeah, it’s great to have the Lord of the Underworld Arawn-ed whenever I need him,” and everyone just sort of rolls their eyes good-naturedly and thinks about death.

One day, Pwyll is at his court at Arbeth, which is one of his most important courts. There’s a huge feast in front of him and all of his courtly pals are there, just chewing the fat. Pwyll tears off the leg of another whole roast pig, probably his eighth of the session, and he’s about to bite into it when he realises that everyone sat around the table is staring at him, so he puts down the pig leg really gingerly and says, “do I have hog spleen around my mouth or something?” and one of his courtly crew, who doesn’t get a name in the original text and so will henceforth be known as Brad, says, “no, my lord, but you do have practically an entire herd of pigs in your stomach, so maybe it’s time for a walk?”

Pwyll blinks at him and he’s like, “I don’t really see why I would want to go for a walk in the yucky outside when I could be sitting here and savouring delicious morsels of tenderly roasted flesh,” and Brad shrugs and says, “well, I read an article about nutrition in this scientific journal last week, and apparently it’s not actually that good for you to just eat constantly and never go outside ever,” and Pwyll is like, “no, but it’s super fun,” and Brad sighs and he’s like, “look, I wasn’t going to tell you this, just in case you got too excited, but there’s actually a mound outside,” and then Pwyll’s eyes go as wide as dinner plates and he cries, “a mound? Seriously? You’re not just fucking with me to get me to go outside?” and Brad is like, “no, there’s seriously a genuine, 100% organic mound outside, and it’s only a short walk away,” and so Pwyll pushes his chair out from under the table and he’s all, “lead the way, pal, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner that there was a fucking rad mound outside, you know how much I love mounds.”

So, they all traipse outside on horseback, and lo and behold, Brad wasn’t lying. There really is an absolutely incredible mound outside, all earthy and hilly, and… look. I’ll level with you. It’s hard to get excited about a mound, but Pwyll manages it. I have no idea how. God knows I’ve tried. But anyway, he leads his merry band of lads up to the top of the mound, and they’re all about to sit down when Brad puts out a hand and stops Pwyll from doing so. Pwyll is like, “dude, stop crushing my vibe, I’m about to become sedentary on this sediment,” and Brad just shakes his head and he’s like, “bro, I need to tell you something about the mound, because I may have undersold it.”

Pwyll is obviously in complete disbelief at this point, just like, “mate, there’s no way you undersold it. It can’t get any cooler than this. It just can’t. Have you seen it?” and Brad is like, “yes, it’s a really interesting geological formation, and the topography also makes it look a bit like a butt, which is obviously super rad, but I didn’t tell you that it’s also a magic mound, because if a nobleman sits on it, one of two things will happen: either he’ll see something absolutely fantastic, like the original The Mummy film starring Brendan Fraser or a cool dog, or he’ll get maimed and mortally wounded. It’s 50/50, to be honest with you.”

Pwyll just blinks at him, and he’s like, “dude, those are two very different things, but you know, I really can’t pass up the opportunity to see a cool dog,” and Brad says, “I need you to know that the dog was just a random example, I make no canine promises here, I can’t stress that enough,” and Pwyll just shrugs and scoffs, “whatever, dude. Anyway, if I do get totally maimed, I’ve got my posse here, and you’ll do first aid on me, won’t you?” and Brad just sort of nods nervously, because they haven’t even invented antiseptic in Medieval Wales and all their bandages are just, like, old socks drenched in ale, and they don’t have St John Ambulance to teach them all first aid because there isn’t even a J in the Welsh alphabet, and then Pwyll grits his teeth and sits down.

Almost immediately, this brilliant white horse just zooms past them, and Pwyll is like, “oh, that’s fucking sick, my dudes! I thought a dog would be cool, but a horse? Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get much better than this! Equestrian displays are my jam!” and then Brad rolls his eyes and he’s like, “my lord, did you not notice that there was a phenomenally sexy and almost certainly magic lady in gold riding that horse?” and Pwyll is like, “honestly, no, I was kind of distracted by the fetlocks, but now you come to mention it, she’s pretty attractive, I guess. Hey, do you think I could catch up with her and ask her where she got her cool horse?”

So he gets back on his horse and he tries to catch up with the lady, but even though Pwyll’s horse was sold to him as being the fastest ride on four legs, he can’t even come close to her. He walks back to his lads, his metaphorical tail between his actual legs, and he’s like, “dudes, we’re going to formulate a plan tonight,” and then a random guy in the posse is like, “oh cool, I brought Sharpies,” and they go back to Arbeth Court and spend literally all night just drawing diagrams and equations on a tapestry of England, because that’s probably the best use for it.

The next day, they put their plan in action. Pwyll gets his youngest, fittest lad, plops him on his biggest, muscliest horse, the one that’s like an equine version of that man in Game of Thrones who keeps breaking weightlifting records and is almost definitely earmarked to play Atlas in some big budget Greek myth film, and sends him after the lady. But still, no matter how fast they ride, she’s always one step ahead of them. At one point, they almost catch up with her, but when Pwyll reaches out to stroke her silky blonde hair in a totally normal and cool way, she pulls forward again and he just fucking eats dust. It’s humiliating.

And this goes on for three days, because princes don’t have, like, hobbies in Medieval Wales, or apparently any princely duties that would make galavanting after a magic horse woman for half a week kind of inconvenient for the general populace, and gradually, Pwyll’s men all bow out one by one, probably because they’ve all developed an absolutely stonking case of piles from being on horseback for three days solid, and then Pwyll is alone in his romantic and also literal pursuit.

Exhausted, starving and probably desperate for the loo at this point, Pwyll throws his head back and howls, “what the fuck is going on on this day? I’ve tried everything! I’m absolutely stumped. I don’t know what to do about this. I’ve considered it from every possible angle. I chased her, and that didn’t work. I got my wingman to chase her, and that didn’t work. Those are my only two options in the entire world. I just don’t know what else I can do. It’s completely fucking futile, I wish I’d just seen a dog instead,” and then a flash of inspiration comes to him, and he just calls out to the woman, “erm, could you maybe just, like, stop?” and, like a miracle, she does.

When he catches up to her, she glares at him, and says, “I’ve literally been waiting three whole days for you to just ask me to stop, why did it take you so long?” and Pwyll is like, “I sort of thought that it was implied, to be honest with you, what with all the chasing and me crying loudly about my unending solitude and the futility of love,” and she shrugs and says, “well, if we’re to be marred, we really have to work on our communication,” and Pwyll is like, “wait, what, who said anything about marriage?” and she just rolls her eyes, like, “look, I’m a sexy Medieval maiden and you’re a prince with some land and gendered expectations, so of course we’re going to get married,” and he’s like, “well, if we marry, that means I get to ride your horse whenever I want, right?” and she nods, like, “yes, that’s definitely the primary appeal of marriage.”

But just as he’s about to get down on one knee, she looks at him again, and says, “I should just tell you something super quick, in the name of true love and Medieval marriage etiquette,” and he’s like, “what, your name?” and she says, “no, not that, although it’s Rhiannon, but mostly I’m thinking of the fact that you actually have to wait a whole year to propose to me, because I’m almost engaged to someone else, who I hate, and I need to sort that all out first.”

Pwyll frowns and says, “hang on, is this going to be another one of those weird magic things where I have to wait a whole year and then conveniently murder someone in a previously determined location?” and she’s like, “what the fuck, no, there’s not going to be any murder at all, just a lavish engagement feast and some nuptials and probably some awkward standing around with the in-laws to-be,” and he’s like, “so why do we have to wait a year?” and she just waves her arms around and says, “temporally disconnected Otherworld shit, my love, I don’t make the rules. Just come to the court of Hyfaidd Hen in exactly a year, and we’ll do the whole ball and chain thing. It’ll be great.”

So he agrees, because of course he does, and the next thing he knows, it’s a year later, and he goes to Hyfaidd Hen and Rhiannon’s there in this beautiful McQueen wedding dress, looking all Kate Middleton but without the colonial royal associations, and there’s an absolutely exquisite feast laid out, with a whole array of delicious Medieval food, like unseasoned meat pies and room-temperature ale that looks like piss, and Pwyll just thinks to himself how cool it all is, but he also secretly harbours a lingering regret for the previous year, where he was forced after a blunder of etiquette to kill a random man in a duel, and although he feels bad about it, a part of him longs for the decadent adventures of his bachelorhood, when murder was more than just a six letter word.

They’re all just kind of milling about on the dancefloor, listening to the bards spit some absolute club classics like Y Gododdin by Aneurin, which really gets the toes tapping, when this random dude with a chiseled jawline and a playful glint in his eye comes up to Pwyll and extends his hand for Pwyll to shake. Pwyll, who is completely head over heels for manners and etiquette, shakes the man’s hand, and says, “hello, new friend! What can I do for you?” and Rhiannon elbows him in the side, and hisses, “be careful, fiancé dearest, don’t let him tangle you up in a web of etiquette from which there is no escape,” and Pwyll waves her off, saying, “my sweet darling, I am a prince of Wales; manners are my middle name,” and he turns back to the man.

The man grins at him, and he says, “I’ve come to ask a favour of you, Pwyll, prince of Wales,” and Pwyll, still enamoured by this man’s manners, is struck by an overwhelming desire to just do whatever this perfectly polite man wants, so he spreads his arms wide in a benevolent gesture, conveniently using it as an excuse to set down his glass of lukewarm piss ale on a nearby shelf, and says, “literally anything you want, my friend, I’ll give you!” and then the stranger’s grin turns into a smirk and he says, “by your word?” and Pwyll is like, “fuck yeah, man, by all of my words, as God and all these noble guests are my witness!” and the stranger is like, “sick bro, I want to marry Rhiannon, and I also want your wedding feast.”

And Pwyll has no idea what to say to that, because he just promised this man anything he wanted, so he decides that maybe silence is his best bet here, and the man grins at him, and stalks off, knowing that there’s literally nothing that Pwyll can do now except reconsider all of his life choices up to this point.

When the man has left, Rhiannon groans, “you phenomenal dick, that man was Gwawl and he’s the complete bag of dicks that my parents tried to marry me off to, and you just got me affianced to him!” and Pwyll just grits his teeth and hisses, “well, dear, you might have told me that before I told him I’d do whatever he wanted,” and Rhiannon sighs and says, “you’re right, but look, we can work through this. Here’s the plan. Firstly, we’ll tell him that he can’t have the feast, because it’s not yours to give, but mine, and we’ll prepare him an equal feast instead. Then, we’ll tell him that he can marry me a year from today, but here’s the thing - on the day of the wedding, you’ll secretly turn up in disguise with a very tiny magic bag and you’ll ask him, very reasonably, for just enough food to fill the bag. He’ll obviously say yes, because even he can’t turn down something that reasonable, but the bag will be enchanted to never be filled, so you’ll just take all the food, until he asks you how he can help you fill the bag, and you tell him that a fine nobleman has to step on it to seal it, and then he’ll step on it, and then you jump on him and pull the bag over his head and tie him up in the bag and hang it from a rafter, and then you’ll blow your hunting horn to summon your posse of lads and you’ll all beat him to a bloody, pulpy death in the bag.”

Pwyll just blinks at her, and says, “sweetheart, love of my life, light of my existence, did you perchance dream up that oddly specific plan a while ago, because if not, then your imagination terrifies me,” and this small, maniacal grin plays on her lips, and she says, “darling, you know how you asked me last year if you’d have to wait a whole year and then conveniently murder someone in a previously determined location, and I told you no?” and he’s like, “yes, I do remember that,” and she says, “well, ask me again,” and so he says, “babe, do I have to wait a whole year and then conveniently murder someone in a previously determined location?” and she’s like, “yes, sweetheart, but I’ve got it in the bag,” and then they high five each other and do a vengeful murder jig for like ten minutes.

And of course, a year later, they do it all over again, this time with a tiny enchanted bag and a goddamn point to prove, but that’s a story for another time.

My other retellings can be found here, and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. My book is here. Yay.

I’m going to level with you: I typed out a whole bunch of super cool academic stuff and then my turdwallet of a laptop crashed and deleted all of it, and I honestly want to perish very slightly at the prospect of typing it all out again, but in a nutshell:

Some people think that Rhiannon was a horse goddess who was undeified by the Christian dudes who wrote down the pagan Welsh myths all those years later. While the Christian dudes did almost certainly sanitise the source material, we just don’t have any real proof of what they left out. The main argument for Rhiannon being a horse goddess is that she’s a woman and there was, erm, a horse. Not the most compelling argument. Some people also think she may be a cognate to the Gallic horse goddess, Epona, but this is basically extrapolated from the fact that they’re both female and somehow linked to horses, which I don’t think would fly in a court of law.

If you’re wondering why Pwyll didn’t just tell Gwawl to fuck off, it’s because he’s bound, as a nobleman, by a very strict code of honour and morals. By giving Gwawl his word, even before he knew what he was agreeing to, Pwyll made a binding promise. If he goes back on his word, Gwawl is well within his rights to challenge the fuck out of him.

Welsh myth and the Otherworld is super interesting. The Otherworld was generally believed to only be accessible at certain times and via certain places, called ‘liminal spaces’, such as bogs, bodies of water, and caves. Liminal spaces are essentially a sort of sacred space which exists in the in between, where the boundaries between worlds are porous and can be crossed, provided certain ritual conditions are met. The mound in this particular narrative is likely a portal to the Otherworld, which explains why Pwyll was able to access the magical realm of Rhiannon through it. The Otherworld, although not explicitly an Underworld, does have links with death and the afterlife, as do mounds, so that strengthens the connection. Bet you never knew mounds were so fucking cool.

Primary sources:

Davies, Sioned (2007) The Mabinogion, New York: Oxford University Press

Secondary sources:

Goldwasser, Michele (1994) What Drives the Mabinogi? Proceedings of the Harvard Celtic Colloquium, 14, 49-57

Linkletter, Michael (2001) Magical Realism and the “Mabinogi”: an Exercise in Methodology, Proceedings of the Harvard Celtic Colloquium, 21, 51-63

Wachsler, Arthur (1975) The Elaborate Ruse: A Motif of Deception in Early Celtic Historical Variants of the Journey to the Other World, Journal of the Folklore Institute, 12(1) 29-46

#mythology mondays #celtic myth #welsh myth #pwyll #rhiannon #mythology #mabinogi #mabinogion

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lifewithdavefarts · 3 years

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DaveFarts - Episode 6 “Fart Bet, Easy Bucks” [Episode List] When, rather immaturely, Tim’s friends are doing some random, silly bets, things soon turn stinkier and gassier as Dave joins the game…

Fart Bet, Easy Bucks

The immature, roaring laughter of me and my friends echoed in the living-room as another pal of mine, Jim, took one last bite of an onion, his cheeks turning red, teary eyes, almost puking in front us. We clapped our hands like the drunk monkeys we were, ignoring our friend’s gagging sounds, and we all took another shot of vodka in his honor.

“Well done, Jim!” Adam laughed, as tipsy as the rest of us.

That’s what we were doing in Adam’s parent-free house: really mature bets. At late night, it was almost 3:00 a.m. Our onion-eating friend just lost one of those silly bets we were challenging each other to do. Pretty stupid tasks, like standing on one foot for 3 minutes or reading stuff upside down. Quite mundane, easy, but try doing it after two bottles of vodka-lemon. Each. The loser had to take a couple of bites of an onion, because as I said, we’re very mature. And clever.

The entire room stunk like that stinky vegetable and alcohol, didn’t help that some of us were also burping loudly and proudly, but we were too tipsy to even notice or even be bothered by that (plus, it’s not like I’m not used to… bad-smelling stuff…). When not betting each other to do shit, we were all sitting on two different couches: Adam, Jim and a couple of other guys were all sitting and burping on a longer couch, while I was on a smaller one with Dave, sitting next to me.

As more laughs roared in the room for no reason, in the chaos, Dave elbowed me and chuckled a bit, bringing to my attention the weird vibrations on the couch: he was ripping one of his big farts, the sound completely muffled by the pillows, his loose dark grey jeans probably making it sound even louder and manlier. I only smiled a bit a took another shot of vodka; my gassy friend did the same, finding my awkward reaction hilarious as usual.

“Tim, it’s your turn!”

I almost chocked on my own drink when I heard my name: Dave’s flatulence usually makes me very absent-minded. I finally realized that Adam was standing in the middle of the room, each one of us, one by one, whistling a song to him: if he guessed wrong, then it’s onion-hell for him. It was my turn to whistle a song then. I think about it for a moment, and then I start to whistle this famous hit from a couple of years earlier, but I was pretty drunk, so I didn’t really realize how weird the sounds coming out of my lips were, but my friends laughing should have been a wake-up call.

Eventually, Adam ran out of time, because he couldn’t guess the song I was “singing” to him. He was mad, almost furious, but it was the alcohol talking.

“Tim, you’re an idiot!” he was understandably angry, because it was my fault. “That wasn’t even a real song, you asshole!”

Didn’t help that we were all laughing at him, but my friend didn’t accept defeat, and he actually had all the rights to.

“I’m not going to eat those fucking onions!” Adam shouted. “Tim made me lose: he should be the one choking on that shit!”

I wasn’t offended, to be honest. I was actually laughing like the rest of the guys.

“Dude… we’re out of onions!” Jim said, noticing the empty plate.

We all laughed even more after that and I may have given to my angry friend a smug-ish look. I was just kidding, but he took it very seriously.

“Oh you’re going down, Tim. Just you wait…”

He eventually convinced our other pals that I was, indeed, deserving a “punishment”.

“Make him lick your dog’s balls!” someone suggested. “Leave my princess out of this!” Adam replied, offended.

It’s like the entire group stopped being drunk just to decide what disgusting task I should have done. I just laughed the whole time: it’s part of the game, they were not mean-spirited. Even Dave suggested some stuff, like drinking expired milk with my nostrils. Each suggestion was met with a mixture of laughter and disgust.

After a couple of minutes of discussion, I felt Dave once again elbowing me.

“Gentlemen, please!” he shouted, in a slightly sarcastic tone. “Since you’re wasting my time, I propose an entire new bet. Whether the result, Tim will still get his… punishment, trust me!”

He was trying not to laugh, but he did earn some puzzled looks from our other pals.

“If Tim survives to this for 5 minutes straight…” he leaned a bit, the couch shaking again under the pressure of his enormous, muffled fart, which lasted 4 seconds. Our other friends laughed immaturely and I started to sweat. “…then you guys are going to give us 20$. Each.”

Dave was insane. Was he really going to do what I think… no, that’s just crazy. It can’t be, come on! There was people watching us! Our friends were a both amused and disgusted. But also intrigued.

“But if he gives up, then Tim owes Adam… let’s see… 200$” “What?!” I thought, the money-part being the only thing I disagreed with. The thought of Dave face-farting me was amazingly distracting as usual.

As our friends discussed Dave’s proposal, my gassy friend just patted my shoulder. “Come on Tim, that’s some easy bucks, right?” he whispered, chuckling a bit. My fetish was just a weird, fun game to him, and I couldn’t have been happier. But in front of our pals? That was too strange even for my standards.

When I turned to my gassy bro, however, he was already leaning on his back, his legs cocked up, his loose dark grey jeans forming that well-known “barrage” made of denim, a really familiar sight for me. I heard my friends laugh, Adam getting closer to me, his hands on my shoulders.

“Come on Tim… I want to see your face turn green!”

He was trying to sound threatening, but he couldn’t help but laugh; I know Adam: he’s just a friendly dork trying to act tough and I knew that he was actually finding the entire situation immaturely hilarious. But he had to look mad, it’s part of his… character.

I heard Dave sucking some air in his ass, his jeans now sagging, exposing a bit of his red underwear (interesting color, that’s for sure). The weird sounds coming from my friend’s butt were the only thing I could hear, despite my friends laughing. Every time Dave farted was like a dream coming true, but this time we were not alone. I stopped thinking about how risky the situation was for a moment, knowing that my friends would never suspect what was really going on between me and Dave, and just listened to the chorus of “Sniff it!”.

I gently buried my face in that soft, denim pillow, his legs slowly wrapping around my head, as if he was hugging me, trapping me in his gas-chamber. With my nose touching his underwear-covered anus, I could still feel the air being sucked in. A moment of silence, and then I felt his butt-muscles relax, and a first fart began.

It was so loud it’s hard to describe. Despite being on command, it was incredibly gross and wet-ish. The smell was rancid and unbearable, the mixture of alcohol and onions in Dave’s stomach probably produced something that no human would have been able to handle. The fart was so strong… loud, manly: my entire face was shaking, I swear I’ll never get used to his gassy talent. I could barely hear my friends laughing: my ears were devoted to Dave’s immense display of flatulence.

I coughed a bit, pretending to hate the smell, when the truth was obviously really different. This first fart alone lasted almost 20 seconds, one of the longest I’ve ever experienced from him. Our friends clapped their hands in approval, having yet another shot of vodka, a toast to the incredible display of fart-talent they just witnessed, and just kept laughing immaturely.

As they laughed, I saw Dave’s face just above that “barrage” of sagging jeans: as usual, he was laughing, and smiled at me, and then winked: his “plan” was working great. I felt his hand brushing through my hair and gently pushing me even deeper into the denim depths of his ass, this time with my nose almost perfectly aligned with his underwear-clad anus.

Dave’s grip, as usual, felt more like a caress, and the fart that immediately followed was just as big as the first one. And hilarious as well. “This is a natural one!” I heard him say, basically bragging about his gassy-abilities, as the fart kept going strong, our friends laughing again. “Pull him closer!” Jim shouted, then (probably him) pushed me even more “inside” of Dave’s butt (I couldn’t tell if it was Jim, as my face –and eyes- was completely buried in my friend’s fart-shooter). Dave made his butt comically wiggle a bit, forcing some toots out: my nostrils were almost burning, the stench being a mixture of rotten onions and burning vodka-lemon.

“That’s so gay!” Adam laughed. Ironically, he was right, about me at least.

“3 minutes already!” I heard somebody scream. I almost lost track of time: as I said, those farts make me absent-minded. Dave just kept ripping this series of loud rips one after one, without even sucking in. I couldn’t tell anymore whether he was farting on command or not anyway: he was just so good at it that the farts always felt natural (and, 99% of times, they were). “Aww man.” Dave chuckled, lying down slowly. He was tired, exhausted. “Can I turn around?!” he asked. They all simply laughed in response, though I also heard some gagging sounds.

My best friend turned around slowly, adjusting his position, his legs somehow keeping my face planted in his ass, as if he was “wrestling” me down, albeit very slowly and gently. He was now lying on his stomach, his loose-jeans butt looking like a beautiful pillow made of denim, his red underwear slightly popping out.

“Do your longest one, Dave!” Adam suggested. I was both mad and grateful for that.

He then came closer and made sure that my face was buried in the farter’s butt, pushing me even deeper in it. Dave just laughed, while I was trying not to get as red as tomato. I just couldn’t believe how open-minded Dave was about this, going as far as face-farting me in front of everyone else; granted, the bet was a smart excuse, but still, I was speechless. I didn’t even feel embarrassed: it was like a big prank, and friends alway prank each other, but the friendship remains intact, if not even stronger.

“Alright, I feel a good one… ready?” my gassy friend said, but it’s like he was talking to me only, as if we were alone as usual, during one of our fart sessions.

It’s like his butt “hugged” my face even more, right before the explosion that engulfed my entire, defenseless head in a cloud of stench. The fart shook my entire face and part of the couch like an earthquake. The chainsaw-like sounds were as loud as a thunder; the whole flatulence sounded fake, but it wasn’t, at all. 10 seconds, but the fart kept going strong, almost unnaturally.

I caught a glimpse of Dave’s smile as he slightly turned his head around, making sure I was enjoying it, but the rest of our friends didn’t notice that apparently, as they were too busy laughing and clapping their hands. “No way!” Adam shouted, in a mixture of anger and hilarity: as the fart was still being ripped, Dave slightly lowered his jeans a bit, fully exposing the red underwear, the sound getting even louder. I felt his hand again pushing me between his buttcheeks, as he spread his legs a bit more. I was having a close-encounter with his anus, the underwear acting as one final line of defense separating me from the real source of that gas. The smell was unbearable: onions smelt nice in comparison. And it was great.

As a “big finale”, as Dave announced it, the flatulence turned as loud as it was humanly possible, the ear-piercing sound almost destroying my own eardrums. My nostrils were burning, my nose getting wet-ish due to Dave’s sweaty buttcheeks. It was the most intense face-farting that my best friend ever made me experience… and he was straight: imagine if he was gay!

“No fucking way!” Adam roared. “5 minutes!”

Everyone else cheered and laughed, playfully throwing pillows at our angry friend. I slowly sat back, Dave doing the same, tying his jeans belt again. He patted on my shoulder, laughing, while I was doing my best to tame my huge boner, hidden by my own jeans.

“No way! You guys did this before, come on!”

Adam asked, ironically (if only he knew…), now laughing too, as he took a 20$ bill out of his wallet. The rest of the guys reluctantly did the same, throwing money at us, disgusted and amused at the same time.

The entire living-room now smelt like onions and rotten alcohol (if rotten-alcohol existed… does it exist?), everyone moaning in disgust, while me and Dave counted the money we just earned… by cheating.

“Easiest bucks we ever made!” he whispered, handing 50% of the cash to me, elbowing me like he did other times. “Great job!” he chuckled.

We all had another shot of vodka-lemon, and the night proceeded as usual, as Jim found another stash of onions hidden in the fridge. As the really clever betting continued, my gaze landed more than once on Dave… just Dave, sitting next to me, as if nothing happened. He’s like a brother, my best friend. He did that for me, he felt he was really gassy because of all the alcohol… and so farted in my face as an excuse, money or not.

Yes, I bet Dave did all of that for me, not just the money. And that’s another bet I’m sure I’ll win.

End of Episode 6

#fart story #eproctophilia #fartkink #davefarts2 #gayfart #malefarts

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septicstories · 3 years

Text

Kitten Licks and Kisses

A Kiribaku story where the lads are playing with a kitten!

Katsuki's POV

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I'M GOIN', YOU FUCKING HAG! GET OFF MY DICK!" I yelled back into the house I started walking to school.

"Stupid fucking hag, always screaming at me," I mumbled, about to put in my earbuds when I heard a soft noise.

I stopped walking, and paused.

"The hell was that?"

I heard it again.

A little mewl, coming from a cardboard box beside a building.

Walking over to the cardboard box, my eyes fell on a small cat.

It was about the size of my hand and was extremely malnourished. The black and white fur was matted and dirty, a few patches of skin visible.

The box had a messy scrawl that just said "Take me"

Putting my hand out to the cat, it looked up at me with these piercing blue eyes, looking terrified of me.

"Not gonna hurt ya, bud," I murmured, lightly moving my hand to it's head and lightly patting it.

A short purr erupted from the cat, making my mouth twitch.

I took my bag off of my shoulder and opened, digging around for a second to find a small bento box.

Opening it, I offered a bit to the cat, who looked as though they hadn't eaten actual food in weeks.

The cat took small shaky steps toward the box as I sent it down.

I pulled out my phone and sent a message to Kirishima.

Gonna be late, fuck face. Just tell Aizawa-sensei I'll be there in a few minutes.

Sure thing bro, you okay?

Fine

I pocketed my phone again as the cat put food in their stomach, mewling every now and again.

I dug around in my bag again, looking for a bottle of water or something, but there was nothing.

"Ah, shit," I murmured.

I looked around for something that would work, when I saw a small mom-and-pop shop.

"Here, keep eating, pal. I'll be right back," I mumbled, standing up and going across the street and into the shop.

It was almost baren, but a handful of people were in the shop.

Looking around for a moment, my eyes fell on a milk carton.

I grabbed it from the freezer and when I went to pay, I also grabbed a small cup with a lid to keep the milk in.

Leaving the store, I crossed the street and saw that the cat had stopped eating.

I closed the box and opened up the carton of milk, pouring milk into my palm.

I tried as hard as I could not to let any of it leak out as I moved my hand toward the cat.

"Drink up, bud," I said, the small cat meowing before dipping it's mouth into my palm.

And when I say mouth, I mean it practically tried to drown itself in the milk.

It lapped at the milk, seeming very content.

The cat didn't look to be a fully grown cat.

Actually, much more of a kitten.

Their fur definitely needed a wash, but even the way it was, it looked gorgeous. There was these splotches of white in their coat and they actual had a huge spiral on their belly.

This kitten must be protected at all fucking costs.

The kitten had finished licking up the milk in my palm, so I dried my hand on my uniform pants, poured the rest of the milk into that cup, shoved a lid on it, and put it in my bag.

Picking up the kitten carefully, I stroked their head and back to make sure they felt calm.

"You wanna come with me?"

The cutest meow came from the cat as they rubbed up against my hand, a small purr coming from them.

"Alright, let's go, bud," I murmured, putting them in my blazer pocket, but making sure they could still breathe.

I started to jog, making sure I wasn't hurting the kitten, and keeping an ear out for meowing or mewling.

I may be late, but I don't wanna miss too many classes.

***

"Bakugou, do you mind explaining to me why you're late?" Aizawa-sensei asked me as I walked into class.

"Something came up," I mumbled, sitting down a lot more carefully than I would normally.

Aizawa-sensei just rolled his eyes before explaining some dumb shit before going into his sleeping bag and napping.

"Yo, Bakugou,"

I looked up at a concerned Kirishima.

"What's up, bro? What came up?"

I opened my mouth to respond when I heard a small meow from my pocket.

Kirishima and I looked at each other before another mewl escaped from my pocket.

"Uh... whatchu got there, Bakugou?"

Another meow.

"Cocaine,"

Kirishima gave me a look and I sighed.

Glancing at Aizawa-sensei to make sure he was asleep, I pulled the small cat out of my pocket.

When Kirishima opened his mouth, I put a finger up to my mouth, telling him to shut the fuck up.

He nodded.

"Dude, how are you gonna keep them quiet during class?"

Fuck.

"I... didn't think of anything yet," I mumbled, lightly stroking the kitten's head as they purred at me. "I just picked them up off the street, and they were malnourished as hell and they were scared of me and I just wanted to make sure they were okay,"

"What're we talking about?" Kaminari asked, coming over.

"Keep this quiet, including yourself," I hissed, the kitten burrowing themselves into the crook of my elbow.

"Holy shit, is that your cat?"

"Not mine. Stray,"

"Kacchan picked up another stray?" I heard that nerd ask.

"Another?"

"He did that a lot when we were kids," Deku said, pointing to the small kitten who seemingly fell asleep in my elbow.

Soon enough, the whole class was crowded around me.

"If you guys say anything, you're fucking dead," I hissed.

"You should take them to Chiyo-san, make sure they're not sick," Ponytail said.

"I can't do that. I'm taking them to the vet afterward anyway, make sure they don't have a disease or a chip. If they have a chip, I'll return them, if not, they're mine,"

"Aww, Bakugou's got a secret soft side!" Pinky cooed, making me scoff and roll my eyes.

"Everyone back to their seats,"

While everyone was shuffling, I quickly but cautiously put the kitten back in my pocket.

Aizawa-sensei got up and left as Midnight-sensei came into the room.

Ah, shit. I have nowhere to put them during hero training. Fuck!

Midnight-sensei kept on talking on about whatever the fuck while I kept petting the kitten's head with my forefinger.

Then it hit me.

Nope, wait, typo.

Then they bit me.

There we go.

Thankfully, their teeth were super dull, not enough to hurt too bad.

It felt like a little pinch.

What hurt was when it stabbed my hand with it's claws.

I pulled my hand out and saw little holes, making it through maybe a quarter of a centimeter of skin.

"Damn, they're a feisty one," I whispered as I saw myself start to bleed a bit.

Whatever.

I put my hands back in my pockets to try to cover up the shape of the kitten, and this time they nuzzled and licked at my hand.

Somewhat like an apology.

I heard it meow oddly loud, and the nerd coughed behind me.

Was that his shitty attempt to cover it up?

"Bakugou!"

I looked up at the board, hoping she didn't notice I was dealing with a small mammal at the moment.

I also realized I wasn't paying attention to shit.

"Are you alright?"

I gave a nod, and she continued.

Holy shit, she almost gave me a heart attack.

Classes continued without very few problems, and then lunch.

Dear fuck, it was lunch.

I let the kitten walk on the table while I poured some of the milk from earlier into the lid.

"Drink up," I murmured as Kirishima sat down beside me.

"Here, I can watch them so you can go grab lunch," Kirishima said, and I nodded.

I stood up to go get lunch, just getting some simple curry before walking back to the table.

And I was met with the best sight ever.

Kirishima had his head on the table, grinning as the small kitten licked and pawed at his nose.

His smile was so big and bright, and as I got closer to the table, the small mewls and giggles were audible.

Holy shit, I love that redheaded dumbass so damn much.

Since that damn incident in Kamino, that dumbass managed to steal my heart, and I can't fucking get it back.

But...

I don't quite think I regret that.

"Oi, fuckface,"

See, can't you tell how much I love this idiot?

"Oh, hey, Bakugou!" Kirishima said, grinning up at me.

"I see you two have grown friendly,"

Kirishima released a sweet laugh and the cat meowed, pawing at Kirishima's now messy hair.

"Did you notice the splotch on their back looks like a skull?" Kirishima asked.

I looked at their back, and sure enough, a skull shaped splotch adorned their back.

"Huh, cool,"

"I think it's really sweet that you decided to pick this li'l guy up," Kirishima said, shoving some pork in his mouth. "I never really expected that from you,"

"Yeah, yeah, fucking whatever," I mumbled before putting a spoonful of curry in my mouth.

"It's super manly... and pretty cute,"

I swallowed harshly before coughing a little bit.

I threw my glance at Kirishima, wide eyes.

"And pretty fucking what?!"

He must've realized what he said, because his face grew bright red.

"P-pretty... uhm... pretty... pretty cool! Yeah! Cool! Coolio!" Kirishima's eyes darted around the cafeteria, giving me these awkward finger guns.

"Really?"

"Yup! Absolutely!"

"And I didn't hear you wrong the first time I heard you when I thought you said 'cute'?"

"No! Nonononono! Not at all!"

"You're nervous,"

"Nervous? Pssh, nope!"

"Really, I think it's kind of cute,"

Am I shooting my shot now?

"Wh-what?"

"Oh, I meant cool,"

"Wait, hold the fucking phone!"

"On hold, Kiri,"

"Did you mean...."

"I meant,"

Kirishima sat there, blinking as he tried working out what I just said.

"You don't... like me... do you?"

"No, not at all. I fucking hate your guts," I said with a deadpan.

"Oh... sorry,"

"I was fucking kidding!"

"What?"

"God, you're fucking dense. I do like you,"

"Not like... like-like, is what I meant,"

"What are you, fucking twelve?"

"Shut up!"

"But yes. I like-like you. Get the picture?"

"Holy shit, wow,"

Kirishima leaned back in his char, looking like the weight of the world was being lifted from his chest.

"You're not kidding?"

"No! Why the fuck would I be?"

"I dunno!"

"Just get over here and kiss me, dork,"

As we both leaned in, we were interrupted with a hiss and a meow.

I looked down at the kitten, who looked grumpy.

"Huh, reminds me of you,"

"Fine, no kiss then,"

"Aw, what?"

Tag list: @king-queenie

#Septic's Stories #Kiribaku #Kitten Licks and Kisses #katsuki bakugou #eijirou kirishima #fluff

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preathtimeline · 4 years

Text

Mobile Preath Timeline

It’s here, and it’s a lot.

The following is originally from skatertobin's blog:

Ok so here’s what we think went down:

2015

August to I wanna say November? They get close during the victory tour, Chris being the only other person aside from Alex to be invited to Tobin’s 100th cap dinner and all and them sharing a seat at the White House. Basic stuff.

December Christen tags along with Tobin on her Hawaii strolls (especially since both Cheney and ARod aren’t around for the Hawaii game). Wander around Waikiki Beach and hang out with Friends with Flowers in their hair and other fun things like that. Maybe Christen watches Tobin surf at some point and maybe Tobin teaches her how as well. 👀 Idk. But I’m positive swimming happens in cute bikinis because I mean.... it’s Hawaii!! 🙄 They they fly to NOLA for the last VT game. And Press is probs like “hey so where ya staying at after this (the China game)?” like while they’re walking along Bourbon Street where the Leather Jacket™ makes its first appearance. Then tobs is probs like “maybe Portland?” Then Chris is all “well that’s just a state away from where I’m headed wanna crash for a bit?” Then tobs, being the homeless little shit that she is, is maybe like “sweet can we go to the beach” then Christen is all “literally everyday” and then done deal. That’s that. So from there they take the same flight to LA from the NOLA airport. Why? Who knows but tbh Tobs maybe (definitely) stays in PV with Pressy and maybe (definitely) is the reason why Christen’s late to that boat parade at Newport with ARod and Whit cos you know... busy being a good host and such. But then it’s the holidays so we know Tobs would go home to her fam in the east coast for Christmas like the good daughter she’s supposed to be so she does, but she goes right back to LA to maaaaaybe celebrate Chris’ birthday. Boop. And you know since she’s already there they’re probably like, “why not spend New Year’s Eve together and train together at the TOCA center while we’re at it???” Like it’s the most obvious thing because I mean maybe they realize they’d be playing more together with Christen nally being close to a starting spot. Hawink!!!! Work on their chemistry as the kids call it because ya know... First Touch Is Everything™.

2016

January So maybe Tobs flies back to spend New Years with fam again because Chris can’t have her forever. But also maybe not because that would have been very convinient since they get called in to camp in Cali shortly after. But I mean you know, who knows. But wtvr. So there they spend a lot of time together like going to the beach together and getting coffee together and entering and exiting the locker rooms and US soccer vans together. You know. Fun stuff. Then the SD game happens and then they all fly to their respective homes but Tobin doesn’t have a home remember so she invites Press to go to Portland with her and they hold hands at the airport while Press is wearing the Purple Hat™ and maybe they go to the Nike HQ together and go furniture shopping and then they have dinner at a fancy restaurant and Tobs shows Chris around her soon to be new home like a local. Then they fly back to LA because beastmode soccer is a thing and they wanna train and be beasts. And then in between they share sunsets together and play with Morena and Khaleesi and Tobin is snookums.

February It’s Olympic Qualifiers in Texas and well what do you know??? The little shits score a goal together, and then steal the van keys so they can go out on Valentine’s Day. There’s a monkey stuffed toy involved and I hate my life basically because @ god, why. 🔥 They go back to LA together after celebrating their Olympic qualifying win to watch the Arsenal vs Barça game in Santa Monica and have sushi together and also crash the u16 camp. Then they go back to PV and Fly Away™ because All We Need Is Love™. Also because christen has a fUCKING BODY ISSUE PHOTOSHOOT that they’re tOTALLY NOT SUBTLE ABOUT. Ok maybe they’re totally subtle. Kind of.

March They go into the SheBelieves Cup in Florida and go Raw Juicin’ and jewelry shopping because that’s what gal pals do obviously. Chris probs tags along when Tobin hangs out with her French friends and they fly back together to NJ to meet Christen’s fam (who would have thought?!) and to NYC to Find Neverland. And then I mean imagine the goodbye for when they go their separate ways for the NWSL preseason and if you’re wondering how they’d cope, the answer is: Not well.

April They meet again for the Orlando camp and they all gotta be lowkey and concentrate on the training but then the OCSC vs PTFC game happens and they’re not so slick and get accidentally recorded and Tobin’s like 🙅🙅🙅... So they train in Orlando and Colorado and win in Connecticut and Philly vs Colombia and then they play chess in between and have coffee. Turns out they’re new bus buddies too now Allie’s in camp. And maybe (definitely), Jill Ellis is a fangirl and ships the little shits together because suddenly Press is a right middy and Tobs is a right back. If not for the sole purpose of Foudy saying on live television that Tobin would be watching Christen’s ass the entire game, basically. Anyway. CAPTAIN Tobs gets some winking action caught on camera and we’re all just gone. Adios. Goodbye.

May NWSL starts back up and we’re all excited but also sad because preath but they’re fine and we’re being dramatic but not as dramatic as them because apparently they desperately miss one another??????.... So like, when Chicago plays in Seattle the same weekend Portland plays at home, what else would Tobs do right? Would she drive four hours to watch the game? The answer is yes. But why right???? WHYYYYY???? Because obviously, Press in the west coast means some much needed quality time in Portland i.e. a double date at a fancy vineyard with a view and some tacos.

June The games vs. Japan happen in Denver and happen in Cleveland and that’s apparently not enough for them because Tobin tags along with Press and the Chicago girls to watch the MehNT and the Jumbotron loves them just as much as they do each other. The two part series of a battle of the baes in the CHIvsPOR NWSL games starts in Chicago and ends in Portland so naturally (duh) Press stays in Portland so the little shits could have private training sessions together before flying to Chicago again. Fuckers. (Honestly it’s not practical but thEY INSIST)

July The game vs South Africa happens after which they conveniently skedaddle ahead of everyone else in a separate car because of dinner reservations at yet another fancy restaurant. They both make it to the Olympic 18 and they “celebrate” it by going on a not-so romantic getaway to the ESPYS in LA and then they have dinner with Alex and Allie because like, Press probably (I’m sensing a theme, are you?) gotta have an initiation of sorts because things bout to get serious. 💁 But well Tobin gets an initiation of her own too so they’re even. 😅 But well, Tobin gets They head into camp in KC then win their Olympic send off game against CRC 👀 and fly again to camp in DC with the NJ crew and chill before flying aGAIN for the Olympic Games !!!

August They get to Brazil and have a killer Olympics .............Can you believe the Olympics got cancelled this year?????? Amazing. Anyway. That’s irrelevant. What’s not irrelevant though!!!!!! is them coming back to the states!!!! But instead of going straight home, the little shits get a connecting flight from Chicago (to probably get stuff??) to Portland together to get away from it all. Some good music, good coffee, a little kite flying and some R & R with good company and suddenly all is right in the world again. 👍 NWSL regular season to look forward to.

September So like, the NWSL starts up again right and they go their separate ways and you’d think they’d calm down a bit but BITCH YOU THOUGHT because they secretly meet up again because Press is Tobin’s plus one at her sister’s wedding in Rhode Island and she’s even invited to the rehearsal dinner which is “for immediate family and the bridal party only”. Cyb Press is considered immediate family?????? I can’t TBH. Anyway. That’s only for the weekend though because they gotta get back to their teams to play and try and get berths to the playoffs.... which they boTH DO!! Nice. NT training camp follows and it’s in Columbus so oBVIOUSLY Ms. Portland’s gotta fly in a day early to the east coast to meet up with Captain Chicago & Co. and we find out that Tobin’s tired af and that JJ is a shipper. 😌 Then Columbus happens where we finally get the goal celebration we truly deserve and where the whole stadium empathizes with two college dudes who are like “damn bro, number 12 ain’t straight”. And we can’t forget the regular coffee date . I swear to god it’s an addiction at this point. The game in Georgia isn’t as eventful as the last time we played the Netherlands but I guess it isn’t short of hearteyes. 😍

October So anyway. Can you believe the NWSL gets canceled after the Thorns win the shield???????? This “playoff match” doesn’t actually happen. It’s true. Press just visits Portland to go mermaiding with Tobin. (Euphemism? We may never know) So after then they fly to LA for a Sia concert because they can. But anyway, remember when we thought we got the goal celebration we deserved during that Thailand game? WRONG. Apparently the Swiss have other ideas because we’re all blessed and I’ve never felt more alive than I’ve ever felt in my life in this moment. And we almost get a repeat performance but I mean I guess it’s true lighting doesn’t strike the same place twice. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ̄ or something like that. La Blanquita goes Batista a few days later and Tobin has been established as a pretty useless maid of honor but I mean, she looks cute and her outfit repeater of a plus one (who is yet again invited to the rehearsal dinner!!!!!) looks cute too.

November At this rate is it even still surprising they’re practically living together? Portland Preath gets a part /something/ (because honestly who the fuck is still keeping track? Hint: not me) So Press Painting rainbows in an oversized, expensive ass Pride shirt in Tobin’s Portland kitchen is a thing thanks to Tobin’s (not Kling’s. Gotta make that clear.) very distinguishable floorboards and countertops. And apparently Press is practically a Thorn at this point, too, what with all that ball-kicking and strength training in Providence Park? Yeah. Ikr. Gross. They come to NorCal (to have coffee with a baby for practice) for the first Romania game and CYB they have chemistry on the field????? Like who woulda thunk?!?!?!?!? Also Press gets a hatty because she’s???? good???? at????? soccer????? (Also Christen brings herself sandwiches during games. Tobin doesn’t but CP ain’t selfish. If yanamsayin. Also, they’re literally married. Just thought you’d like to know.) K so anyway, boop boop, ROU part 2 aka the SoCal game becomes the perfect finish to the USWNT calendar year eSPECIALLY for the little shits because not only do we all get Blessed™ with another Preath goal, but basically Preath saves 2016 via great passes, bedroom eyes and hand holding. (PRESS SCORING AND ASSISTING IN EVERY GAME SINCE SWITZERLAND BTW????? Like, thank you, Tobin.) So no more games for the rest of the year, but that will not stop them from doing couple things because!!! They!!!! Are!!!!! Little!!!! Shits!!!!! The zenpups think so too. But anyway! It’s the return of Sunsets and Snookums in LA can you believe!!!!! There’s a romantic museum trip somewhere in the mix and some soccer on the beach too! Chris realizes then that her true passion is to be part of the circus and it’s all because of Circuit Bouldering in Portland (read: their home). Or I guess a second home because looks like Chris finally gets settled into her new house by the beach for a hot minute to enjoy rainbows before jetting off again. ✈

December Right so Grassroot Soccer holds a gala and Christen is the guest of honor also it’s Tobin’s turn to be a plus one (and to a red carpet event at that!) in frEAKING LONDON and they’re both beautiful and I’m dead. I’m also thinking Chris is the one that scored them tickets to the Arsenal game the night before the gala because she is whipped and In LoveTM. Gross. They don’t stop there though because they think they’re sneaky Pete about watching El Clasico with the fam (aka Allie & Bati) BUT NO!!!! You caught muthafuckas! There’s dancing in alleyways and reconnecting with old Spanish friends, too. Gross x 2 Euro trip continues in Sweden and Tobin and Christen literally sit on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G and it’s all so scenic and romantic. Gross x 3 Well, I didn’t think they’d ever come back from their European bae-cation, but they do and it’s straight to Portland for some Christmas decorating and Tobin wins POTY to make up for this shitty year so they celebrate by getting some coffee and tacos and training - their faves. Duh. It’s kind of a quiet Christmas, celebrating with their own friends and family but I mean, it’s Pressy’s birthday. So they reunite and go hiking in LA and Christen gets a new name. Hi Kristen! 🖐

2017

January After ringing in the New Year with skiing and kisses (probably), Chris spends time in Portland, having shakes and breakfast with the bae. They go back to LA coming out of their own little bubble because it’s January training camp season and I’m having major flashbacks with them riding together to training and being locker room buddies! Their off day is as glorious as we’d expect, with some beach time and fun. (Thanks to JJ for being a shipper.) And we’re also blessed with Allie Long and a Harry Video. After camp, they’ve got a ton of down time so it’s the perfect opportunity to go chilling by their beach house. I say “their” because there’s a stray surfboard lying around and I’m sure as hell it ain’t Christen’s. 💁

February The next camp for SheBelieves isn’t til later on in the month so they fly back to home number 2 aka Portland to chill and be low key, watching Tove Lo on their date night. Tobin has a little photoshoot where she's in all her sweaty glory and itty bitty shorts and Christen flies off on her own for a bit for an appearance then it’s back to Portland for a low key vday. And then camp starts up and it feels like a drought but really, we’ll take what we can get. And what we get are matching backpacks and Harry.

March The SheBelieves Cup starts really well with an Allie IG takeover (which is always gold js) and we’re blessed with cameos of the lovers slash bus buddies!! And we see that age old Preath Connection that we know and love. We even get a possible date night in between!!!! The second game is a doozy but the most important takeaway is that they’re literally married. From the bus to the locker rooms, from the bench all the way to the sidelines. Married. Wives. For life. Fact. Even the Press Pack is supportive. Last game of the tourney and it was a loss. Lol. Anyway. They were trying to be sneaky and we learn that the fams are at the games together to support them. That’s it. Next. There’s a lot of debate about whether or not Tobin calls Christen “babe” because we’re all thirsty but there’s also the thing about helping Chris move to her new Chicago apartment so insert Oprah what’s the truth gif here. And then before the month ends, there’s a perfectly planned preseason tournament in Portland. Right before which Press kidnaps Tobin and escapes to LA for some hula dancing and pineapples, and then brings her back because plus ones at weddings are overrated (not). But the tourney goes on and Tobin’s not playing but she’s enjoying her box in the stands. Meanwhile, Christen just wants to say hi.

April Not much really happens because they’ve suddenly gone 100% stealth mode, with Tobin injured and not able to travel and all, but thanks to a little tweet we see that on NWSL opening day there was still some sort of support aka Tobin watching the Chicago game while on the stands for the Portland home opener. It’s better than nothing right? Oh and when Chicago visits PDX for the 3rd game, Chris gets taken down and Tobin looks away because she probably can’t watch it without going apeshit idk. Same. Anyway, Chris sends smiles towards the box and I guess I’m okay with that.

May “what injury?!” Tobin then says as she boards a flight to Chicago after the Thorns game to bear witness to/be the reason behind the end of the drought (goals & content tbh thank you). Cyb her back died so CRS could rise? Meanwhile to pass the time though Tobs becomes Asst Director for the Thorns youth program and paints for bae. And right after their respective weekend home games, Press ies out to PDX for Tobin’s birthday shebang. Tobin picks her up from the airport and takes her to her party and everything!

June A couple of friendlies abroad happen but since Tobs is injured she’s off the roster but she does some housewarming for Chris til she gets back from practicing on babysitting Cash. So after that, getting back into the swing of things in the NWSL is easy for Chris but unfortunately Tobin still can’t play so the next best thing is staying together in ChiTown to keep the blues away for like.... 2 weeks.

July ...Tobin’s still injured. But at least she has some fresh shoes (and expensive sliders)! And Press spends some time in LA to keep her company at rehab. Some people thought July was gonna be the first month we don’t get any content and Press personally makes sure it isn’t during the Chi vs Orl game on lifetime.

August We have a weird Tournament of Nations and it’s probably because Tobin’s back hasn’t resurrected yet but in the last game in LA, we get a rare sighting of a stud at training so maybe we’ve still got a shot. I mean i guess 2nd place in our own tournament isn’t so bad? Kinda? But whatever. What’s important is the roller blading that happens the days after. And then it’s time for CHIvsPOR. And after that, Tobin’s back in LA hanging out with Chris’ sister and bro-in-law at a bar because you know, they’re close or whatever.

September Ok so it’s been quiet but it’s not because of anything crazy. They’ve just done better at the privacy thing. Good on them you know ? But anyway. They reunite in Colorado and Cincinnati.

October The final regular season match is conveniently in Portland and unfortunately, they end up not playing each other in the semis so Chicago has to book a flight to NC but Chris still makes sure to enjoy her time. So after the uswnt game that Tobs has to sit out, the only time we have proof that Tobin is still alive is the Century 21 event in Arizona. Meanwhile Chris is back home with her pups in LA. But Tobs flies to get in on the puppy love but we only know through her shadow and when they turn into wine moms for a night.

November Fall this year is coming along quite nicely but not as nice as it is in Portland, probably, because there are Trainbows, says Chris! In Canada Chris serves some gross hearteyes despite the fact that Tobin’s been sidelined due to injury. They have the last game of the year in Cali and it kickstarts the swaggin they do together. And then November ends with a bang with them posting about flying to london for a red carpet event!

December Said red carpet event is the annual Grassroot Soccer Gala. (And this time Tobin doesn’t go ghost!) And they just wander around taking good pictures and visiting friends and watching football! Thanks HAO! Thanks Crystal! And then they’re back to being Domestic!Preath canoodling in their LA loft by the beach, chilling and hangin out with friends and being Christmassy and such.

The following is from Preath-Things

December (cont.) Christmas rolls around, and they end up going back to their respective fams, meeting back up in Portland some days later. They spend New Years eve snowboarding and just chilling in the snow with their friends. 👌

2018

January New Years is spent in Portland going sledding, but they eventually head back down to California so Tobin can get her ankle fixed. January camp happens without Tobin. But it's fine because Christen and Tobin spend every other moment together, watching sunsets in the rain and Tobin's having a super duper good recovery. Christen finds a new club in the NWSL, surprise! After the friendly against Denmark, they're back to spending all their time together, holding water bottles and attending conferences.

February Tobin has a new job ! Modelling for the new Mercurials in London, whilst also showing off her piano skills, which Christen's obviously heard before with there being a keyboard and all hanging around at their places. Tobin continues her modelling career in LA because the shoes are orange so of course she would. Christen on the other-hand pays a quick visit to houston then reports to camp. Tobin's still out and not playing soccer because remember she's still trying out her modelling career.

March The SheBelieves Cup happens. Or maybe it doesn't. Debatable, considering Christen is bascially nowhere to be found on the pitch, and there's little evidence of her even being at camp. Tobin's also too busy moving from her modelling career to her acting career to be there and play. The uswnt wins the cup somehow anyway. Christen goes back to Portland after the cup and it's a bit quiet but Tobin and Christen are spending some quality time together so isn't that really all that matters? Another surprise ! Christen doesn't want to be with her new NWSL club. So she's heading to Sweden to relive some good times instead, but not before flying kites with Tobin. Tobin also paints a few things inlcuing a 9 post equality sign because she's just that extra.

April Christen returns to her happy place. 🇸🇪 She signs with Kopparbergs/Göteborg FC and scores goals, lots of them. To the absolute surprise of everyone (read: no one) she's named April player of the month in the Damallsvenskan! Tobin decides to put both her modelling and acting careers on hold in an attempt to try her luck at the soccer thing again. Also, being the supportive gal pals that they are, and separated by an ocean, they get into the habit of liking each others instagram posts every so often.

May There are pool parties, sea dips and visits to Norway for Christen, during all of which she proves she did in fact pack Tobin's entire closet, accessories and style before she left PDX. Still separated by an ocean, not really too much happens, other than each of them continuing to practice the liking option on each others instagram posts.

June It's Pride Month 🌈 and Pride Month Delivers. Tobin is called up to national team camp for the first time since forever because her ankle seems to be a-okay, and Jill remembers Christen exists all of a sudden and also calls her up. Which means the two lovebirds finally get to reunite in Utah after months of being super long distance. This officially kicks off Pride month celebrations across the globe. Tobin feels 'tight' prior to the game and decides not to join in on the first Pride month celebration of the USWNT aka the first game against China, instead opting to chill and watch the game from the stands. After Tobin sees the Utah Royals owner get down on one knee in front of her girl, she decides it's time to remind the world that Christen is her's by posting a selfie with her and her gal pal. Christen seems to like the photo too and decides to also repost it because it's pride month after all and you gotta spread the love or something. And that's not the only thing she seems to like, deciding to swap clothes with her girl for their date to the Cavs game. Chris wears Tobin's Cavs jersey, like the traitor she is because apparently whilst it might be the wrong team, it's the right number (in other words words.. the things you do for love, and to wear something with the #23). Pride month continues to deliver with the second game against China and what better way to celebrate pride month by marking the game as Christen's 100th cap?!! Oh there are better ways, says the universe or something because Christen assists a goal in the first half, Tobin enters the match in the second half, and we are blessed with a pREATH GOALl!!! or alternatively a small game of keepy uppy between the two lovebirds which ends up with a ball at the back of the net and a Preath celebration we deserve, whichever you prefer to call it. Pride camp ends, but not before Chris makes sure to just leave one last mark on her time in Cleveland. After flying off together to Chi town, they go their separate ways and Chris returns to Sweden. But it seems that Pride month has one last piece of magic to make happen, and Christen's caught up in another big tangle of a messy trade within the NWSL, which lands her in Utah. A trade she accepts. She is now officially royalty. A queen. 👑 Soon after Chris arrives at her new club, Tobin takes a quick pit stop there on her way back from Houston, because obviously she gotta help her girl settle in to her new home away from home.

July So it’s the Fourth of July and the new royalty/royals, Chris and Sam decide it’s a great idea to celebrate it by buying food to grill even when neither of them know how to turn on a girl grill! Stuck on how to turn on the offending cooking appliance, Chris uses a lifeline and chooses to phone a (girl)friend. Grill Master Tobin pulls through and saves the day. Not that Christen wants anyone to know that Tobin did (gotta mute those instastories, you know?), but Sam does (thanks Sam!). At the same time, Laura decides to inform the world that Christen lives in Portland (thanks Laura!). The Battle of the Baes returns to Portland for 2018 and it ends with a hug and a kiss drinks back at home. Then it's back to Utah for Chris. The Tournament of Nations happens again and it’s not as weird as the previous year’s (probably because Tobin decides to join in this time around). To prepare for the games, Christen returns home to Portland so the two lovers can visit the Nike HQ, go berry picking and dream about pies. Gotta have that pre-camp preparation and relaxation at home with your SO, you know?! The first game of the tourney is against Japan, and it ends with a W and has Tobin subbing on for Christen. There’s shoulder rubs and hip taps and some airport shenanigans. Remember how Tobin was subbed on for Chris? Chris is subbed on for Tobin in the next game against Australia! It’s now completely apparent that Jill deems having both of them playing at the same time to be just Too Dangerous for opposing teams due to their ridiculous on and off the pitch chemistry. She’s clearly just sparing the opposition from a super embarrassing defeat. Good tactic. Chris’ fam comes to say hi in Connecticut 🖐️

August The tourney continues and there’s some team pictionary bonding prior to their final ToN game against Brazil. The Brazil game ends with a Tobin goal and assist, a win and a trophy, as the uswnt finally win the tourney!!!! Also, at this stage it's questionable whether the two are trying to be sneaky or not anymore with Chris throwing literal heart eyes at Tobin at the start of the game, and Tobin putting her arm around Chris' shoulder at the end. 🤷 After the ToN it’s back to their clubs and it’s a bit quiet, but I mean as to be expected. What’s not expected however is the shenanigans that happen prior to the NT's first Chile game back in Christen’s hometown. It’s CP's 100th cap celebration, and Tobin pOSTS her girl a congratulatory post ??? Picture, profile tag, emojis and all?? If you thought the girl would stop there with her public celebration of her bae's 100th cap celebration, you'd be d e a d w r o n g. Tobito also proudly wears Christen’s name on her back ??? somewhat earlier than anyone's anticipated ??? Chris has her ceremony, and Tobin literally has the proudest smile, which you could probably see from space— and it’s debatable whether a tear escapes her eyes during the ceremony, but who could blame her if one did?? So it’s game time and we finally get the long-awaited Captain Press, and it’s everything we could’ve dreamed of!!!! Truly spectacular. Tobin gifts Christen with a PK, which she perfectly finishes because she’s Chris. But there’s a big commotion and suddenly the goal doesn’t count???? Because the ref is apparently trying to ruin Chris’s day ??? and doesn’t know the rules of soccer like at all??? Tobin won’t hear of it obvs— leading the rest of the team as they storm up towards the ref with wagging fingers and pitchforks at halftime, whilst at the same time the Press Pack is up in arms. But it’s (semi) fine in the end because Chris gets another goal anyway (it's beautiful)— capping off the perfect night and a perfect victory in the most perfect place. ❤️❤️ Talking about perfect, both Chris and Tobs are also the most perfect human beings, donating their jerseys from the game to TWLOHA.

September The second game against Chile only features Tobin, but before and after the game she’s wearing a t-shirt that looks strangely like a Supreme-branded shirt with the letters P R E S S spelled out ?? Anyways it's another victory for the team, and everyone eventually heads back to their clubs for the final week of regular season. Then it's postseason time, and Chris returns to Portland to train alone 👎, whilst Tobs is off training with her club. The Thorns play their semifinal game and get the W, obvs cheered on by Chris in the stands. Weirdly enough though, the NWSL championship game for 2k18 just..... never happens ????? Super strange. (Although if it did, Chris was once again there, cheering her girl on) Anyways the season's over, and another season begins— the offseason (aka the best season) where the love birds stroll the streets of Portland (probably holding hands or something cute) and get ready for camp. Although it looks like they might've received the wrong memo about what kind of camp they had coming up— as they end up in the wilderness of Oregon.. camping? And debatably skinny dipping? Who knows?! Is there actually a bikini strap around Tobs's neck? Who knows?! What we do know is that they only packed one suitcase, Christen's gone granola, and the two eventually head on out of there once they realize they're most definitely at the wrong camp— heading off to NC for the camp they were actually meant to be at.

October It's World Cup Qualifiers time, and Chris and Tobs score some goals, Chris has suddenly grown a dragonfly on her arm, and sometime between their last uswnt game and the qualifiers, the two nerds have created their own little handshake— because Chris wanted in on the whole handshake club (who could blame her tbh). So the uswnt qualify for the world cup (!!!!!), and the love birds go and celebrate by showing off their Spanish 101 knowledge in Mexico, and literally murdering everyone by posting photos from their beach and infinity pool photoshoots ??? Like cool, it's not like we were trying to live or anything, right ?? Nah. Oh yeah they're also not being subtle about the fact they're in literally the same place either. But you know what, subtle schmutle thinks Chris, as she posts a boomerang of Tobs and her at tees + jeans like it's like no big deal you know like, whatever. They head to pdx to stand in the fall leaves and take more photos of each other.

November

So there’s a couple USWNT friendlies abroad which Tobs and Chris don’t join in on due to personal and family commitments (respectively), but it's okay (kinda) because they instead

visit an art museum

together— fitting right in as the works of art that they are. Oh yeah Tobin seems to be the

newest Royals signing

? and she's also number 21. Tobs and Chris have a

New York minute week

— jumping into ball pits and casually posting an instastory of themselves together, because obvs it's nbd. They also spend some quality time around thanksgiving with Tobin's fam.

December

The two head back west and drop by stubhub to give some inspirational pep talk to some young athletes at Nike’s,

Play Like a Pro thing

and also so Pressy can

grand marshal

the PV Christmas lights parade ! They also do some

toca training

lab visiting

sunset watching, more training/testing and family photo taking

. So they basically spend a whole lotta time together— training and being cute and shit ❤️️❤️. They might've headed to Florida also during this time but no one's 100% sure, and it's all a bit of guesswork and squinting. Whatever the case, they were together during most of month because offseason means, barely leaving the bae's side season, until Christmas that is— where they go their separate ways for a couple days. But then it’s Pressy’s birthday aka Christmas 2.0, so Tobs jets back to the west coast to join in on the celebrations, because obviously the best/most important present is Tobin's presence, duh. So they're finally back together in the west coast for the remaining days of 2018, and they finish the year by watching sunsets off rooftops, and preparing to see in the new year together. 💕

The following is when Preathbar took over.

2019

January It’s 2019! Tobin and Christen ring in the new year much like they ended the last one. They play some beach volleyball, To(es)bin watches some premier league, they continue training, Chris gets lost in LA, makes sure we know she’s feeding Tobin, and finally, they watch the last sunset in LA for two weeks😂 lol. Before the fun of camp can start, they get delayed at the airport AND TOBIN ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES CHRISTEN’S EXISTENCE. It’s fine. We’re all okay from that. (Also Tobin has some Tibetan prayer beads on?) Christen tells us you can’t mess with her zen and they eventually make it to January Camp in Portugal. Because they can’t live without a sunset, they find some (arguably better) ones on a beach in Portugal. Jan Camp finishes up and as luck would have it the whole team gets delayed this time and Tobin passes the time by playing Mario Kart. The orange and pink Kånken bags make a reappearance and of course, Tobes and Chris are airplane buddies. They arrive in Le Havre, France and everyone is still blissfully ignorant about the future events. Apparently, Tobin took a knock during camp and is held out of the first game on precaution so it is CP vs France. Literally and figuratively. The game against France goes very well, and we’re all so glad THAT game was the one on the weekend. After that *ahem* rough, game it’s time to move on and the team makes their way to Alicante, Spain where Tobes and Chris enjoy a day out and about. Tobin seems to have recovered and gets a start against Spain, CP doesn’t, but after a 0-0 first half, Jill decides to sub her in and SHE SCORES A FREAKING (GAMEWINNING) GOAL. The wives only get to play together for 20ish minutes, but we are treated to plenty of Preath content during and after the game. First, there’s the goal celebration that includes a Tobes head pat and a wink from the one and only Christen Press 😉. At halftime, there’s some hand holding glove holding, but after the game we witnessed a to a PreathTackle™ via Tobin Heath. She’s just so proud of her girl she can hardly contain her emotions (and we can’t either 😭). They return to LA after the madness in Europe just in time to catch a sunrise.

February So very early on into the month, Tobin literally comes out of the blue with her “The Ones” interview while promoting the new Air Jordans, and let me tell you, the photos were anything but chill. The go on a little daytime date 💙 and Christen shows off her many rings. After that, Christen decides to prove that Tobin’s not the only model in the family and hits us with the behind-the-scenes of her photoshoot with localemagazine. Stay tuned until May for our Covergirl. Shortly, our family of models decides to return to their day jobs and attend camp in Tampa, FL for the She Believes Cup. They can’t help but be attached at the hip while they’re there (and we’re not complaining). The team makes their way to Philly and Tobin, Chris, and Ash go on a little stroll where Preath proves, yet again, that they exist in the same universe. USWNT vs Japan is first up and again, Christen comes off the bench and makes an immediate impact with an assist, giving the US the lead. She also gets smacked in the face but its okay because Tobes makes sure to check up on her. We also definitely win the game and don’t waste all that work CP did by letting them tie it up.

March After the performance against Japan, the team sets their sights to England at camp. To celebrate the “SheBelieves spirit” they all wear the name of an inspirational woman of their choosing on their backs. Christen chooses the unproblematic fave of Sojourner Truth and Tobin chooses Doris Burke, who was very moved by the gesture. Before the game, Christen gives Tobin her stick of gum bc CP still isn’t starting. Unfortunately, the team seems to play as if they are the names on their back and tie. AGAIN. Maybe it was just the cold because Tobes and Chris almost miss the plane back to sunny Florida, but after quickly boarding the gayng gets to sit together. With one more game left, it looks almost impossible for the US to win the tournament, and we don’t, but we manage to win our last game 1-0 with a goal by the one and only Tobin Heath. Unfortunately, it’s now Chris’ turn to make sure Tobin is okay after a hard foul. Before we take a break from the USWNT for a little while, the World Cup kits are announced with a plethora of promotion. Tobin and Christen both return to their club teams and Tobin does some more promotion for the Thorn’s new kits and sixstar. Christen returns to LA to play some preseason games with Utah and while she’s there she is reunited with Morena and Khalessi. CP is announced as the honorary falconer for the LAFC game and reminds us that if the animal isn’t a dog, she’s slightly intimidated. Tobin also plays a preseason game for Portland and apparently tears it up, but her time with the Thorns is cut short when they both re-port for camp and are re-united for the April Friendlies.

April Camp slowly starts to wind down as the upcoming friendlies draw closer, but not before some exciting news. LUNA Bar announces that they will cover the World Cup roster bonus pay gap for the entire US Women’s National Team! It is revealed that Christen was one of the “chief architects of the team’s current collective bargaining agreement” and she reminds us how smart and beautiful she is in several different interviews. Then, we are provided with an incredible picture that only confirms that Tobin and Christen are bus buddies (in case we somehow forgot). Press is not only smart and beautiful, but she’s also talented at this game of soccer and helps the team win over Australia in an overly dramatic sort-of way. Tobin notches a goal over Australia, but she doesn’t get any minutes against Belgium. CP, however, plays a full 90 minutes and provides 3 assists off of set pieces!!! Nobody seems to notice though. After two successful friendlies with the National Team, they return to play their first (and last for awhile) games for their NWSL teams. Tobin earns POTY with the Portland Thorns and later, an absolutely wild game is played against Chicago. Meanwhile, Press proves what a class act she is in Utah and notches an assist in her first game and then a goal in the second. Just as they start to settle in, we all sadly realize they have to leave their club teams, even though we STILL don’t have a WC roster, but we do get a bunch of amazing gifs. After her game in Orlando, Christen stays a while in Miami where she shows us her coconuts and does lots of promo before we finally get the announcement we were all patiently waiting for. HuLU hAS LivE spOrTS!

May On the first of the month, Tobes and Chris are spotted at the Hulu Upfronts with several other players, looking as gorgeous as ever. Eventually, after virtually the entire roster being known beforehand, USsoccer drops the 2019 Women’s World Cup Roster and Tobin Heath is going to her third World Cup while Christen Press is going to her second, but they’re doing it together this time. With the announcement of the roster, everyone heads to camp before the last of the send-off series games. (Oh and also there’s an incident with Tobin in a button up and her shoulder but whatever. It’s fine.) Remember that “re-” thing Tobin, Christen, Pinoe, and Kling kept teasing/we thought it was an inside joke? Well, it turns Rɘ-inc is an entire company the ladies are starting and they strive to rɘ-imagine rɘ-invent rɘ-configure, and rɘ-volt (to name a few). They are set to launch June 2017 2019 and we can only hope to be blessed with more photos of Tobin wearing... boxers? The first friendly is played against South Africa, and Tobin and Chris actually get to start together, but still, a preath-goal alluded them the entire game. Do you remember back in February when we saw the behind-the-scenes of CP’s shoot with localemagzine? Well now it’s May and Christen is officially a cover girl and I swear they’re all trying to kill us before the World Cup because no one should be allowed to look that hot, but it's Christen so why are we surprised? The penultimate send-off game against New Zealand goes off with little fan-fare (but the girls do notch goals and/or assists). The team seems to have the weekend off before playing their last game and of course, Tobin and Christen return to Portland and decide to watch the Blazers play the Warriors in the Conference finals. How do we know they were at the game? I mean, other than the fact the CP posted a story on Instagram about Nike making Tobes’ dreams come true you could LITERALLY SEE THEM ON LIVE TV BC THEY HAD SECOND ROW FLOOR SEATS BEHIND THE BENCH. Let’s just say we all suddenly cared a lot about basketball that night. A few days later the USWNT heads to New York, is surprised in time square (where T&C are bus buddies, duh), attends GMA, and has Media Day at Twitter’s headquarters. It was a content overload. We never get a break either because few days after that they play their last send-off series game against Mexico and guess what; Tobin and Christen BOTH SCORE (goals)!!! Most would think that having an afternoon game means that the rest of the day is for relaxing and recovery… well, you’d be wrong. Apparently, it’s time for the launch party of Rɘ-Inc and Christen is wearing a Suit. I repeat a Suit at the party and Tobin is wearing a black dress. They both looked absolutely incredible. Rɘ-inc provides us with a lot of amazing content throughout the month. It’s a quick turn around again and the NT now makes their way to London for their final training before the World Cup starts. It’s also Tobin’s 31st birthday and we all hoped and prayed that Christen would post something for it and luckily, she didn’t disappoint.

June It’s officially World Cup Time, but not before a little camp and because the US plays last there’s still time for them to release their 23 stories even after the tournament has officially started. And since we’ve got the time, ESPN announces that Tobin Heath will be profiled on their next E60 special. Tobin finally opens up about… playing soccer… and also her family. In the end, the whole interview makes us love Aunty To-To even more (if that’s even possible) and the unredacted interviews in a podcast are definitely worth the listen. As the last game of the first round of group stage games commences, the USA finally gets their chance to shine, and in a historic 13-0 win against Thailand, boy do they make a controversial statement. Christen notches an assist after she’s subbed in for Tobin because they would be too powerful together on the field. After a few days of rest (and being caught on a live stream with their arms around each other), they play their next game against Chile and while they don’t win 13-0 (which is mostly because Christen gets denied so many times) 3-0 qualifies them for the round of 16. Next up is Sweden and they win 2-0 where Tobin even scores a goal! (Fifa says it’s an own goal but there are lots of things we don’t like about Fifa). Getting first in the group means Spain is our Round of 16 opponent and after a bit of suffering, and Christen’s 2 whole minutes of play time, we win 2-1. Then, it was time for the most anticipated match of the World Cup. A quarterfinal between the USA and France in Paris. Spoiler Alert: WE WON MOTHERFUCKERS and we even got an adorable hug afterward. Tobin scored ANOTHER GOAL but Fifa is plotting against her and it was called offsides. Now a semifinal versus England awaits.

July So… I don’t even know where to begin with this absolutely crazy month. All I can say is... you’re not ready. Guess what! Christen got the start against England and silenced all her skeptics in the 10th minute when she scored a beautiful header! After falling to the ground in pure emotion, Tobin basically nuzzled her head into Chris’s neck in celebration and it was an absolutely beautiful moment for many reasons. The US went on to win and the final would be the USWNT vs the Netherlands. After waiting a little longer to score than usual, THE UNITED STATES WOMEN’S NATIONAL SOCCER TEAM WAS BACK TO BACK, 4-TIME, WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS!!!! TOBIN HEATH AND CHRISTEN PRESS ARE TWO TIME WORLD CUP CHAMPIONS! Tobin ran straight to Christen after the final whistle because they did it together this time. That’s not all though, during the trophy presentation, in the midst of everyone else’s celebration, Tobin looked and Christen and Christen looked at Tobin and they hugged and basically recreated the iconic photo from 4 years ago and I’M STILL NOT OVER IT AND I WILL NEVER BE AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE EITHER. THEN, after ALL of that, T&C decided to go lay in the confetti together and Christen adorably let Tobin throw confetti all over her and I STILL CAN’T. Not to even MENTION the baby Tobin collected and showed to Chris because they’re so domestic™ before Chris decided to adjust Tobin’s medal because they’re also soft™. The real celebration began afterward in the locker room and a lot of alcohol was consumed, but all Chris was worried about was keeping her hair dry with a little blue towel. The next day, after a transatlantic flight and us wondering how they’re going to survive, the team arrived in New York City and the party's just getting started because the day after that the entire team is a guest on Good Morning America. We’re not done yet because the NEXT morning a ticker tape parade through the Canyon of Heroes awaits them (don’t worry, they were on the same float) before a cross-continental flight to LA just in time for the ESPYS (Tobin is apparently dragged, but it was fun). Tobin looks way too damn good in christen’s her v-neck suit, even though her shoe/sunglasses choice was questionable. Christen blessed us with a yellow v-neck suit and both girls were truly “stuntin” on us. THEN THE DAY WE F U C K I N G DIED!!! I’m not even joking. It started out innocent enough (which it really wasn’t but whatever). Christen posted of photo of JUST them together on the float and captioned it “blissful and grateful”. It was already more than we asked for but THEN she started posting pictures of JUST them at the ESPYS on her story and by this point we were already not OKAY. THEN Tobin decided she wasn’t PLAYING AROUND and posted pictures of JUST them on the red carpet and THEN THAT FUCKING VIDEO. T H E STORY TO END ALL INSTA STORIES. What was the video, you ask? Well, what are the New Chicago Bulls Fire J1s… from Travis Scott? Did you see them? How did she get those they’re not even released yet? Watch at your own risk. Finally, both girls decide to decompress and took mini vacay to Los Cabos because why not, you’re world cup champions, and after re-freshing they both fly home to Portland. Of course, their first game back in the NWSL is against each other because only the most chaotic energy is allowed this month. Christen scores the eventual GOTW but the game ends in a tie. Not to worry though because the next week Tobin notches two beautiful assists in the homecoming game against Houston and Christen produces another beautiful GOTW in a game that Tobin attends wearing while wearing a #23 snapback. They really refuse to be separated for more than a few days. Then, as it turns out, they both head back to Portland proving that Tobin’s excursion to Utah really was extra™ and we can only hope we’ll never come down from this content high.

August Just when we thought we were spoiled by world cup content, the girls decided they’re not done yet and we’re blessed with a TC goal during the first of the Victory Tour games versus Republic of Ireland (foreshadowing: it’s not the first of the month). Christen serves a lovely ball right to Tobin’s head and they were sure to hug adorably in celebration. Before heading back to their clubs, Re-inc hosts an event called ResetTheTable, which is basically a dinner party filled with beautiful people (in body and mind). After returning to Utah Christen scores a brace in a midweek game and helps win another so NWSL rightfully makes her Player of the Week. Then, CP heads to NYC to appear on morning talk shows to educate us about the USWNT lawsuit while looking absolutely stunning. In their last club games before international break, Christen gets another goal, and wins GOTW for the third time, and Tobin’s assists continue to grow (it probably helps that Chris goes to watch her). Their travel has been extra™ this month but it’s what you do for love. Finally, they both head to Philly for camp before playing against Portugal and we get ANOTHER TC GOAL. Christen is getting really good at assisting Tobes.

September The second round of victory tour games conclude at the beginning of the month, but Tobes and Chris are pretty adorable at open training before their second win over Portugal. Oh, Christen gets another assist so her total for 2019 is up to… 11! (that’s the leader of the national team). Then, it’s time for Battle of the Baes 2.0 and this time Christen comes out on top. Tobin ends up winning GOTW on week 23… hmm… and the Thorns clinch a playoff spot. Unfortunately, even with Christen’s header, Utah misses out again.

October After celebrating their 2019 Women’s World Cup win one more time, the victory tour games conclude in with a pair of games against South Korea. The first one is pretty uneventful, and so is the second (except for the sendoff). Tobin and Chris return to their clubs to play their last nwsl games of the season and the Thorns move on to the postseason. They face Chicago first and find themselves out of the championship game. However, Chris doesn’t seem to mind and makes her way to Portland pretty soon after. Something with re-inc seems to be brewing, but the end of the month marks the beginning of the offseason (after they play two friendlies in November, of course).

November The girls report to camp for the final time this year and everyone seems to be ready for the end of quite an incredible year but also new beginnings with a new coach. Christen and Tobin get a start against Sweden and Christen records another assist and her 50TH INTERNATIONAL GOAL!!! (Tobin may or may not fall to her knees again but that’s not important). Then, we get a TC hug and Tobin gets an assist of her own. Even after playing a game in freezing temperatures they still manage to both look adorably bundled after. The next game is even more fun than the first because Christen scores ANOTHER GOAL and we get ANOTHER TC HUG and to cap it all off we get CAPTAIN TOBIN. That’s right, CAPTAIN TOBIN (we almost got captain Christen but it’s okay). We were just barely coming down from that emotional high when the next night Pinoe brings the entire Gayng to the Glamour Awards. Tobin and Christen had a black and white moment and all I’m saying is they looked the best dressed. Re-inc launched their RWB collection and Tobin was the designer while Christen was a model. Then, Tobin decided to also be a model but in… Africa? That’s right, T and C went to South Africa for Grass Roots Soccer and they also enjoyed a safari or two before heading to London for the GRS Gala. Christen looked absolutely stunning (as always) at the event and there was no doubt that Tobin was there to support her. The holiday season has begun and at the end of the month, the girls went their separate ways to spend Thanksgiving with their families. The break was much needed and I’m sure they’re looking forward to an entire month off.

December Tobin and Christen enjoyed their month off by staying pretty quiet, but they did enjoy a snowy vacation towards the end of the month. Then, it was Christmas time and it seemed like a lot of gifts were from Tobin + Christen. Before CP’s bday could happen, they had to attend the WoSo Royal Wedding. They both looked stunning and it was just an unbelievable night in general. Finally, Christen celebrated her 31st birthday right before the decade came to an end. What a truly amazing year.

2020

January It’s the beginning of a new year and the end of the offseason, but it was still pretty quiet until the very end of the month. January Camp in Florida began in the middle of the month and didn’t stop for the 20 players named to the Olympic Qualifying roster. Obviously Tobin and Christen were and the team relocated to Texas to prepare for their group stage games of Olympic Qualifying. (Also re inc had another reset the table event). Christen started the first game against Haiti and scored a goal in the 2nd minute… talk about starting the year off with a bang. CP was also named the player of the match and she honestly seemed like she was the only one who wasn’t shaking off the rust. Unfortunately, Tobin missed out on the first game due to a slight strain but she was back in action against Panama. She even scored a no-look goal and didn’t think we would notice. Christen also added to her goal total and has now scored in 4 straight games. With two wins in their group, the USWNT has secured their spot in the semifinals and are one step closer to qualifying for the Olympics.

February Olympic Qualifying carried over into February and so did Christen’s goal scoring. CP scored two goals in the USWNT’s last group stage game against Costa Rica. The first goal she scored that game was an absolute banger and was eventually named the goal of the tournament. Also, Christen was named player of the match for the SECOND TIME of the tournament. The goal scoring didn’t stop because she scored another banger against Mexico after jumping on her own rebound. There was no way that ball wasn’t going in the back of the net. After all of this scoring and player of the match wins Christen was rightfully named best player of the entire CONCACAF tournament. She was absolutely glowing with her golden ball trophy before she gave it to her father (who was more than appreciative). Tobin was also feeling generous and gave her first place medal to a fan in the crowd (I guess that’s allowed?). After successfully qualifying for the olympics and remaining reigning CONCACAF champions, everyone had a slight break before training for the She Believes Cup began. Tobin and Christen were named to the roster, but before training could begin the gals had a photoshoot in the brand new olympic kits. I’m not saying Christen decided to debut her new engaygment ring at said photoshoot but I’m not not saying that. (Good job Tobin ;) ) It’s definitely not the offseason anymore and on February 29th, we were all leaping for joy that training camp had resumed in Florida.

March The whole gayng got to be aunties to Cassius in Florida during camp and apparently it was good luck because the USWNT won their first game in the She Believes Cup against England. It was definitely thanks to Christen’s absolute GOLAZO (the only thing she’s allowed to score against England). CHRISTEN PRESS what have you DONE. The USWNT didn’t stop and neither did Christen because in the next gain against Spain she assisted the winning goal in the 86th minute off a free kick. Christen and Tobin BOTH started against Japan and Christen was even at the number nine spot. Brownsuganumba9 lives on. It must’ve been an amazing position for her (who knew) because she scored another GOLAZO against Japan. It chipped the keeper and it was honestly filthy. CHRISTEN PRESS what did you DO. The USWNT won the She Believes Cup, but are still fighting the equal pay lawsuit against ussoccer. During the warm up of the final game of the tournament they all wore jerseys inside out to display the now iconic symbol of four stars with a blank crest. They’re in this together. Just as the USWNT played their last game, the entire world entered a quarantine. Everyone went home and it’s unclear when anyone will return to the field for club or country. However, in the midst of quarantine, there was a Surprise: Snow Storm! and Re-inc launched their posters. It has also allowed CEO Christen and the rest of the Re-inc team to start doing instagram lives in order to interact with fans. We’re in this together.

April This month began like the last one ended, still in quarantine, but that didn’t stop Re-inc from launching their BW capsule collection, but before that an absolutely INCREDIBLE photo was taken and it's pretty much the only major thing that happened this month. Thank you Miss Tobin Heath. However, all of the re-inc founders have been a lot more active on the account (probably because soccer is momentarily paused for right now). Christen found a Stacy plant and remembrance candle along with other plants for the rest of her fam. Tobin and Christen are most definitely quarantining in Portland together and will be for a while.

The following is when superdupergust took over.

May With quarantine still underway, May was all about the social media (which Christen used to flash that engaygement ring a few more times). Tobin took over re-inc's insta for a day, during which she got up surprisingly early, listened to jazz music, and killed us all with her thighs. Had you forgotten that Preath were living together? No? Well, they decided to bless us with a reminder anyway, in the form of a Zoom snippet in which T&C were adorably domestic. Then Christen surprised us with the a super gay picture of Tobin underneath a rainbow, thus winning Tobin Tuesday forever.

June Bigger and more important things were happening in June, but there were a few Preath happenings to note. Christen appeared on sportscenter and proved that she is queen of the nose boop. She was also interviewed on Load Management. Tobin debuted her ugly af new glasses, which sparked The Great Glasses Debate of 2020, and she also modeled the new Thorns kit, even though she won't be playing in it this year. We got lots of artist!Tobin content with the release of proxɘmics, and one photo was Super Extra Gay with the fridge in the background featuring not only gay art by Tobin, but a print out of a love poem Christen had posted on Insta several months before.

July July started off pretty quietly. Christen did another Instagram live - this time with chopra. re-inc teased and released the popsicle drop, but that was pretty much it. Until...THE DAY WE FUCKING DIED, PART TWO. Thanks to newly appointed gay icon Stacy's Pita Chips, we were suddenly inundated with a year's worth of content in a single day. Podcasts, pictures of T&C in the same frame, touching and looking absolutely smitten, videos where they both used terrible Zoom backgrounds to avoid giving the impression that they were in the same apartment...honestly, it was like something from a dream. Go buy some of their slightly overpriced but delicious chips right now, tbh. We owe them one. Alas, much as we would have liked July 16th to go on forever, it had to end. But the month still had one surprise up its sleeve, and it went out with a bang when Tobin decided to casually drop a pic featuring a very large new ring on a Very Important Finger. An engagement ring? A wedding ring? DEFINITELY one or the other, but no conclusive evidence as of yet. Everyone say a prayer for C to drop a pic in August...

August Alas, Christen did not provide any wedding ring evidence, but she did call Tobin her sun (if you squint a little). More cute popsicle pics dropped, and Tobin tried to murder us with her biceps. Christen did us another solid and confirmed herself as an Oregonian - we love to see it! The weeks passed, and it looked like nothing much was going to happen in August, and we were beginning to cry for content. But behold, the gods of football heard us, and we were surprised by unofficial news of T&C being loaned to Manchester United for the season...TOGETHER? Amazing. Incredible. Legendary. (Still waiting on that confirmation, though.)

September Stacy's Pita Chips is the gift that keeps on giving, and their gift this month was the first mentorship session. But it's time to get back to football, because on the tenth, it became official: Tobin and Christen would be finishing out the season at Manchester United...together. Cue screaming as Preath fans around the world suddenly began dreaming dreams of seeing them playing side-by-side once more! But football wasn't the only thing they were getting up to this month. Re-inc continued to be amazing, and teamed up with Michelle Obama and others for when we all vote. Fun side development: USWNT PA revealed that they ship Preath. How, you ask? They rolled out nothing other than a legit Preath shirt. Yes, for real. And they're not the only ones. Bless whatever Preath shipper secretly runs Manchester United's socials, because the content abounded throughout the month.

October Christen and Tobin made their debut for the Red Devils against Brighton & HA, during which Tobin got her first assist for United! Then they walked out barefoot onto the pitch together, like the marrieds they are. On the 7th, they played against Liverpool, then again on the 10th, against the Spurs. But the most exciting moment on the 10th happened just after the game...when Preath met baby Charlie (and Christen couldn't seem to keep her hands off of Tobin). Then came the 18th, vs West Ham, when Preath decided to pull off the Ultimate Football Wives move: they scored their first goals for United in the same game. In the next few days, they did some interviews together. Christen made the most adorable instagram post of all time, ostensibly as a promotion for the new re- source collection.

November November arrived, and the first game of the month was against Arsenal. Alas, neither of them scored, though Tobin did manage to get a nutmeg in under 50 seconds, because of course she did. A few days later, the expansion draft happened, and all hell broke loose when Louisville acquired the rights to both Tobin and Christen. They both stayed quiet about the change, though Tobin did not adhere to these same guidelines when she threw down some some fighting words in an interview about the upcoming Manchester Derby. Christen, meanwhile, monologued about the weather, and we loved her anyway. Then the Derby happened, and Tobin rocketed in an absolute beauty of a goal of the sort that begs to be watched on repeat. Soon, T&C were off to the Netherlands for the first USWNT camp in close to a year. In the showdown featuring the final two teams from the 2019 World Cup, Christen was starting #9, and she notched an assist just before halftime.

December We aren't the only Tobin fans, Barclays reveals when they name Tobin Player of the Month. The refs, however, aren't as convinced, and one gives her a yellow five minutes into extra time during the game versus Reading. That same day, Tobin's jawline alone converts thousands of TikTok users into woso fans (or at least causes them to briefly question their sexuality). Christen isn't playing, due to illness - non-COVID-related, thank goodness - but that doesn't stop her from being nominated for the USWNT 2020 Player of the Year. Three days later, she's doing well enough to be spotted in the stands at the game versus Everton. The game, sadly, ends in a loss, but it clearly serves as some hella good motivation. They emerge from the game versus Bristol City with a 6-1 victory, two of which are Tobin goals. The games are over for the year, but it's never been a better time to be a Preath fan, because in addition to posting several throwback pictures with Tobin on her social media over the month, Christen wishes us all a Merry Christmas (& you're welcome) by posting a picture of her and Tobin together. Interestingly, it's the same tree from Tobin's post earlier in the month. Almost like they're always in the same apartment or something. Crazy!

2021

January Sharing continues to be caring, because in addition to the Christmas tree, they also happen to share a cute lil plant. They're not always inside, though, because they go for a walk in the snow, and Christen makes some bigtime heart eyes. When the first game of the year rolls around, Tobin and Christen are both there, rather than at National Team camp, as when invitations went out, Christen was still sick, and Tobin chose to stay to help United in the January FA Women's Super League fixtures. Things take a turn, however, because Christen is the starting #9 against Chelsea, while Tobin stays on the bench all game, wearing trainers instead of boots. It's announced later that Tobin has an ankle injury, which will keep her off the field for the next 10-12 weeks, taking her out of commission for Manchester United but also ensuring she won't be competing in SheBelieves. Neither of them play in the next game, but on the last day of the month, Christen scores an absolute beauty of a goal against Everton. We can't wait to see what she has in store for February!

February It's February, and you know what that means: She Believes Cup time!! No Tobin, due to injury, but Christen is ready to rock! Things open up with a close game, as the USWNT squeaks by with a 1-0 victory against Canada. Christen scores in the 11th minute of the next game against Brazil and follows it up with an beauty of a goal in the 88th minute in the game against Argentina. With that, the US solidifies their spot as the winners of the 2021 She Believes Cup! Tobin, left behind in Manchester with nothing to do but post orange hearts on Instagram and root for her favorite girl, actually decides to join the UTD podcast and bless us with her smile as she talks about being the oldest person on the Manchester United squad.

March It turns out, Tobin did have some things keeping her busy in February - secret re-inc projects! Tobin reveals her new art, ADA (ADA as in Ada Lovelace, creator of the first computer algorithm, not as in the Americans with Disabilities Act, much to this author's initial confusion), a painting featuring binary code. CP is a proud wifey, as always. On the pitch, United plays against Aston Villa with no TC on the field, but Christen does show up looking all adorable with her beloved hot water bottle in tow. She plays in the following game against Arsenal, as well as the game against West Ham, where she scores a gorgeous goal! Back off the pitch, TC co-gift the world's largest and most expensive stuffed dog for Krashlyn's new baby daughter, Sloane, who dubs them aunties. (Take a moment to recover from the sheer cuteness.) They also *gasp* share a screen when joining in the background of the Equal Pay Day press conference at the White House, which is honestly enough to hold us over until July.

April April starts off with a bang that none of us could possibly have expected: Tobin tells Christen she loves her in a public forum, in the most adorkable way possible, causing a fandom-wide meltdown. Nothing else much happens on the Preath front this month, but this will honestly feed us for a year. With Tobin still working on recovery, Christen goes to national team camp solo, then starts against Sweden (1-1 draw) and France (2-0 USA). Back at Manchester, Christen scores a goal against Tottenham. Meanwhile, re-inc drops the Gamer Collection, and honestly no one besides Christen Press could make sweatpants look this good.

May May continues the quiet streak, but one high point is Christen becoming an ambassador for Goody hair products, which means lots of new pictures to make us (and also Tobin, probably) fall even more in love with her. She also plays her last game with Manchester United against Everton, during which she notches an assist. Once she is back stateside, she gets vaccinated. She also posts an adorable picture with her dogs, whom she has obviously missed, followed by a very LA-themed set of photos (which just might be some great foreshadowing for an event a few months following...). Tobin's radio silence is finally broken at the end of the month when she posts for her birthday, which she spends with her brother.

June June starts out on a Wild note when T&C lowkey get outed in a Pride Month Instagram story from the cake company they used for Tobin's birthday cake. The next day is Christen's sister's wedding, and Tobin is barefoot because of course she is. They add another piece of jewelry to their shared jewelry box. We also have another instance of our favorite Tobographer. Then it's time for soccer, and our favorite couple heads to Texas for camp, followed by the Summer Series. The first game is against Portugal, during which Christen gets her 40th career assist with the national team. Christen and Tobin can't wink or flirt, but they're still adorable. Next up is Jamaica, and Christen gets Woman of the Match. After that is Nigeria, and Christen scores the opening goal! We FINALLY get a look at the Olympics roster, including both T&C. Then, because June still has more to give, Christen takes over the re-inc insta for a day. As the saying goes, but wait, there's more! Christen and Tobin host a party for the reunite re-inc line. They look entirely too cute eating fruit together.

July July begins with the Send-Off Series, a two-game series against Mexico. AND BOY IS GAME ONE A GOOD ONE. Christen scores twice, and Tobin makes her grand return to football with an absolute banger basically two seconds after being subbed in. AND THERE ARE HUGS. SO MANY HUGS. IN THE RAIN. At one point they basically audition for the cover of a Nicholas Sparks novel. Then comes the second game, featuring the most ridiculous ref ever to ref, when an accidental whistle blow that players clearly didn't hear winds up disallowing an absolutely stunning Preath goal. But not to worry! We still win, and Tobin scores for the second game in a row (featuring another hug and an incredibly dorky celebration). (We're still salty, though.) Then it's officially Tokyo time! The 2021 "2020" Olympics begin with a game against Sweden that all of us would just very much like to forget. Next up is The One with All the Offsides Calls New Zealand. Both our gals get an assist, and Christen gets her first ever Olympic goal!! During practice, they're showing off some pretty out of control grounding heart eyes. Then history is made when Tobin and Christen actually post a re-inc video where they're in the same frame. And guess what? The world doesn't implode! The next game is against Australia, which ends in a nil-nil draw. But the important thing is that there's Preath hug, and in certain angles, it looks like a kiss (even though it isn't, alas). Then comes the game against the Netherlands, which is a 2-2 tie that goes to penalties. Christen is up, and every single person in the fandom collectively holds their breath, the 2016 Olympics running through our brains. But she makes it, and the camera immediately cuts to Tobin screaming her head off for her *cough*wife*cough* teammate. The US wins!

August The game against Canada sadly ends in a 0-1 loss. It takes away our chance for gold, but the silver lining (see what I did there?) is that the game is Tobin's 176th cap, officially moving her up to third place for most Olympic appearances in USWNT history. The US still has a chance for the bronze, and they play Australia for it...and emerge victorious! Christen finally has her Olympic medal!! In fact, she strangely seems to have two of them...wonder where she got the second...? The next day, the Olympic Village is the scene of some cute Preath moments, official and unofficial. Then Tobin gets on Instagram and ends the entire fandom with the absolute cutest post ever. The rest of the month is eventful: re-inc drops the Field of Flowers collection. There's a fan sighting in Jersey. And most importantly, CP to LA comes true! Angel City announces Christen as their first signing!

September The signing news doesn't end with Christen, though. Only a few days later, it's announced that Tobin is heading to Arsenal, her lifelong favorite team! LA continues to provide lots of Christen content. Which is nice, because Christen announces she's taking a short break from football to focus on herself. Therefore, Tobin is the only one at camp later in the month. The US plays Paraguay for back-to-back games, and sadly the Paraguayan national team doesn't let this author sneak aboard their plane to see the game in person. Still, the US wins decidedly with a final score of 9-0 on the first night and 8-0 on the second, with one of the goals in Game #1 coming from Tobin. Then Tobin is off to England. Christen also declares she'll be going on a journey...which also strangely happens to lead her to Tobin's first Arsenal game...and her second, where they share a hug after the game, despite not even being on the field together. We love to see it. :')

October In progress

#mobile timeline

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twtangel-arts · 3 years

Text

POG HEADCANNON FOR TUBBOS PERSONALITY???!!!

How come I don’t see that Much talk about Tubbos personality? Like.... they all must know each other right?! SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!

Before I go and talk about the headcanons. I would like to thank my good friend @peak-wilbur-dumbass for helping me create most of these “big brain” headcannon! Half are what we created, I created, and what she created :3

But I be talking about:

Big Law

Big Crime

Dr.TB (Dr. Theropiest-bo)

Tubbox

and TOOB

the others were either hard to come up with or little was know of them (or we got lazy shsgsghssh)

Now on to the headcannon! It’s going to be a long one boys :3 so click “read more” to read it!!

Enjoy :)

We All know Tubbos personality right?

Well if you don’t

have the links to the Dream SMP wiki fandom about Tubbo!! :3

The reason why me and friend couldn’t create other headcannon for the Tubbos personality its because they had too little detail about them.

Hohoohoh! But is it the same with Tubbox? He has small details about him to!

Just wait :)

Now that you got some knowledge of the personality I will now start the Headcannon

NUMBER 1: BIG LAW

He’s the first Tubbo Ego. So he’s technically the oldest of all the Tubbos Personality

He monotone, and he really doesn’t show that much emotion. He’s all serious and shit

Speaking of that, he only shows a bit of emotion towards some he loves (like his personality brothers)

Now he LOVES to read the law. he has books on laws, on the judgment system. Government, crime solving, being a lawyer and other lawyery book stuff.

That fucker probably has a secret stash of Domino’s cookies and won’t share them 🙄🙄

He’s also the ‘heaviest’ out of the Tubbo because he eats those cookies DGZGSGSHX

Rights?! who needs them? YOU DONT ALLOW SHIT BITCH!

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY?!??!?!11

TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much. Even tho TOOB doesn’t bother him that much, He still claims TOOB annoys him way to much. But he still likes his dumb bro (3/10)

DR.TB: mmm it’s a neutral, they can vibe. Tho Big Law doesn’t like when hes steals is cookies to make some ‘flavors’ (5/10)

Big Crime: (-10/10) do I need to say more? Big Crime DOSE CRIME!! Big law DOES LAW!!! Smh🙄🙄 But for real tho, they care for each other, love-hate brother hood lmao (4/10)

Tubbox: Big law LOVES him! Why? HES IN A BOX BEING HAPPY OK?! HE BOUNCES UP AND DOWN IN A BOX!!!! Tho... he can get to hyper for big law....a box huh? He likes to see him again (8/10)

—

NUMBER 2: BIG CRIME

The second oldest of the personality :3

*pats his head* this boi can fit so much emotion

HES A CRIME B O Y!!! A DIRTY LITTLE CRIME B O Y

He’s quite strong,,,, a bit stronger then Tubbo too! The strongest out of all the personality

He’s a hothead and short tempered like....don’t pisss him off.... please don’t-

He can get overprotective with his brothers. He will kill a bitch for them... and that bitch is Techno

so yeah... he like...vary emotional :3

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

TOOB: he’s annoying as hell, He hates him, he want to snap his neck, DUDE STFU AND GET AWAY FROM ME.. but he will still die for him uwu (4/10)

Dr. TB: he’s a good theropiest! Normally Big crime would go to him >or been forced by him shshsh< When he need something to calm his nerves or just wants to talk....tho their relationship has grown a bit distant after the incident that happened months ago (7/10)

Big Crime: (-10/10) AGAIN!!! HE DOES CRIME, THE OTHER DOSE THE LAW!!. But to be honest with y’all, Big Crime makes fun of Big law when ever he shows emotion. Ex:

“I thought you were all serious and shit?”

“I am tho?”

“Nah, I just saw you crying back there because you dropped your cookie on the floor”

“SHUT UP!!! IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE LEFT-“

Anyway yeah, love-hate relationship 🥰🥰 (4/10)

4. Tubbox: he will protect him in all costs, he makes him smile The most. You could say Tubbox is his favorite personality brother.... now he’s just angry. He wants to see him one more time. (10/10)

—

NUMBER 3: DR. THEROPIEST-BO (DR. TB)

He’s the best theropiest out there :D

I feel like he know what he’s doing, even tho it may not look like it.

He the family therapist....lul

He like...still in the world of headcannon

He knows what he’s doing guys, believe me

RELATIONSHIP TIME BITCH!!!

TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much, one time TOOB decided to mess around with his ‘Flavors’.... yeahhh he wasn’t to happy about that (4/10)

Big Law: they have a neutral type of relationship, they barely get in to any fights. He’s actually the only person that Dr.TB can fully understand/work with! (7/10)

Big Crime: now.... he used to be the person that Big crime will go to when he starts to act up.... but, they barely talk anymore dude. After what happened to Tobbox? Yeah, let’s just say Dr.TB was at the verge to end his whole Theropey job because of Big Crime :/ (4/10)

Tubbox: he loves him, he misses him, he hates Techno. He tried to be there for everyone when they lost him.... He wants to see Tubbox. His life was cut to short. Anyways... he was a bit difficult to work with for theropey (9/10)

—

NUMBER 4: Tubbox

So.... do you understand why I put him here despite him having little information known about him?

THATS RIGHT!!

ITS LINKED TO THE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED TO TUBBO BY TECHNOBLADE >:D

but how? Well, he realized that Tubbo was in a box. He thought

“Tubbo in box? I’m Tubbox! I liked Boxes :D time to take over and be in a box- o h”

Yeahhh....not the box you want to be in pal... with that, Tubbox died with Tuboo. Obviously, Tubbo responded back to life.... but Tubbox didn’t....he’s dead.....

A N Y W A Y S

He’s a mute!!! He can only speak in Sign language:D!!

So with that... every single Tubbos personality knows how to do sign language and read sign language!

They like to speak sign language for he can feel a bit included :3

He likes it when he makes his personality brothers smile, it’s just give him a lot of joy

Stimming? A stimming boy? He likes to flap his hands up and down🥺

HES JUST FILLED WITH JOY MAN!!

What were the relationship that he had with the others?

TOOB: He love his! He doesn’t understand why people think he’s annoying?! Like... he thinks it’s funny how he speaks in 3rd and 1st person!! Tho.... I think there’s this one time where he invaded his personal space while in the box.(9/10)

DR.TB: AGAIN!!! HE LOVES HIM!!! He loves it when he sees him at work! He keeps him Company!! (10/10)

Big Law: LOVES HIM!! HES THE ONLY PERSON THAT MAKES BIG LAW SHOW A BIT MORE EMOTION!!! And big law might say it’s annoying and he hates it... but Tubbox knows he secretly love it uwu (10/10)

BIG Crime: do I need to say more? Tubbox LOVES big Crime! he wants to see him smile more!! He wants him to be happy! So... he hangs out with Big Crime more then the other personality. (20/10)

(The last one) Number 5: TOOB

Yes

TOOB good guy

TOOB little annoying? No BIG annoying!

He likes to mess around with his brothers lol

He understand that he’s annoying once awhile, but that just because he finds it funny

I LIKE THE LORD-

Did I forget to mention that TOOB has the little brother vibes? Like... he’s the annoying little brother that he’s hated but at the same time he’s also loved (considering he is the youngest out of all the personalities dddjtdjtdjt)

So yeah... Stan TOOB lmao

THE RELATIONSHIP TIME IS HERE FOR ONE LAST TIME!!

Dr. TB: he likes him, he enjoys messing around with his flavors, heehhehehe Angry doctor go brrrr (7/10)

Big Law: he doesn’t bother him that much, he’s all serious and shit, no big reaction. TOOB sad, but he can still annoy him while he being a lawyer >:3 (5/10)

Big Crime: HOHOHO HE LOVES TO ANNOY HIM!! HE HAS THE BEST REACTION TOWARDS HIM!! One time he mad Big crime squeal at a high pitch then normal....let’s just say things got UGLY!!! (20/10)

Tubbox: he misses him, he’s kinda the only personality that gives him the respect he wants.... he wants his box bro back :( TOOB sad now.... (10/10)

——————————————

THAT WAS A LONG ONE HUH CHAT?!

Once again i would like to thank my good friend Ally ( @peak-wilbur-dumbass ) for helping me create half of these Headcannons for the Tubbos personality! Give her some support lul :3

#dream smp #Tubbo #tubbo mcyt #Tubbo alt egos #mcyt #mcyt headcanons #mcyt fandom #headcannons #big law #big Crime #TOOB #tubbox #Dr. Theropiest-bo #Dr. TB #my headcanons

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bigtiddygothhusband · 3 years

Text

a bunch of fanfic recs from different fandoms

ordered shortest to longest with an exception right at the beginning. Descriptions originally written for my brother so some of the descriptions don’t make a whole lot of sense in the context being presented here.

Muckraker! (https://orphan.black/dat/fic-muckraker-venom/) I don't know precisely how long this is so have it at the top. One of my all time favourite stories, defined how I look at Eddie Brock. Mostly a sort of journalism detective type thing about gentrification. Venom.

Clenched Fists and Battle Cries (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15197111) Very short thing of an angry explosion boy befriending a very small child with a canonically sad backstory that doesn't really come up here. My Hero Academia.

Whiskey, Cigarettes and Outer Space (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242880) Young Stan Pines and Young Rick Sanchez meet in a bar and talk about shit. That's basically the whole thing but it's written really well. Implied start of a road to romantic relationship. Gravity Falls/Rick and Morty

Dude, Your Sister is Hot (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5245892) Zelda sees Link experimenting with gender and Link lies and says she has a sister, who Zelda then asks out. Trans girl Link as you may have guessed. The Legend of Zelda.

Eraserhead's Number One Fan (https://archiveofourown.org/works/14121309) Eraserhead's supposed to be an underground hero, away from the attention of the media keeping him from doing his job. So how did he get a twitter stan account? My Hero Academia.

No Secrets To Success (https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974307) Kirishima's gonna have to start school a month late, which means he has to study. Fortunately he runs into the top of his future class on the street! Unfortunately he has no interest in being a tutor. Until that is, it's implied he wouldn't be good at tutoring. Because fuck you, he's the best at everything. My Hero Academia.

Responsibility (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12208788/chapters/27727098) Fun stuff here, an abused child experiences family for one night when teachers take him out to dinner. Slightly sad ending but has a sequel (the next entry). My Hero Academia.

Liability (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652599/chapters/28834710) Out of place length-wise but its the sequel. Things get better. My Hero Academia.

Detective Pony (https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427119/chapters/5371283) I've extolled the virtues of Detective Pony many times I'm sure but I'll do it as many times as I need to. Wonderful character study, stunning examination of stories in general, lots of allusions and literary references, one girl's simultaneously a small town and having a crisis about that fact, so many fucking ponies, one parts in iambic pentameter. It's so good. Please read detective Pony. Homestuck/Pony Pals/ Parks and Rec/The Divine Comedy/others.

The Worst Candlenights Ever (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12792789/chapters/29195202) Sometimes you just gotta ruin your extended family's Christmas. And to do that you need a good date. So you ask a near stranger who you definitely don't have a crush on to pretend to be your boyfriend. Perfect! The Adventure Zone.

We Are So (Not) Married (https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468634/chapters/25714014) The one i was telling you about where the teachers pretend to be married so they can end homophobia. My Hero Academia.

2am Knows All Secrets (https://archiveofourown.org/works/8738770/chapters/20035240) Sometimes you just gotta platonically snuggle your bro to help him cope with his panic attacks. Platonically. My Hero Academia.

Villainous Heroics (https://archiveofourown.org/works/17297096/chapters/40682882) Sometimes you start villaining to prove a point and then you fall in love with a hot hero and get a tad distracted. My Hero Academia.

Zone of Trulips (https://archiveofourown.org/works/11107605/chapters/24787350) John has no life and is deeply depressed. So he starts working at a flower shop. With the funny, kind, attractive proprietor. Who he's certain he only likes platonically, until petals start falling from his lips. The Adventure Zone.

Reincarnation Blues (https://archiveofourown.org/works/3621903/chapters/7996044) Dipper Pines has been a demon for a long time. His sister has not, but she gave him her soul and in each new body it inhabits he finds her again. But she's not really the same person and well. Neither is her new boyfriend. Gravity Falls/Transcendence AU.

Flowey is Not A Good Life Coach (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5056333/chapters/11627629) :(. Undertale.

quote love unquote (https://archiveofourown.org/works/12025527/chapters/27220212) This is like, a real slowburn not in terms of the relationship but the plot. It just gives you so much time to intricately learn every ideosyncracy and hangup of these boys so that when shit finally hits the fan it hurts. My Hero Academia.

Chill or Be Chilled (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387672/chapters/12443822) I'm gonna be honest I haven't read this one yet, the premise/length combo is just so wild I had to send it your way. Undertale.

#original content #fanfic #fanfic rec #do i tag all these fandoms individually? hmmm #yeah okay fuck it why not #venom #my hero academia #bnha #gravity falls #rick and morty #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #homestuck #the adventure zone #transcendence au #wowww been awhile since i used that tag damn #should i get back into transcendence au?#undertale

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makeste · 4 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 257: New Year’s Party and All Might Feels

Previously on BnHA: The kids ate some yummy cotton candy and got to demolish a bunch of robots in flashy and expensive ways, because U.A. is every child’s dream school and All Might is getting closer to finally achieving his goal of being The Cool, Fun Teacher. There was also some cute Kirimina and Izuocha stuff, and also some panels of All Might watching Deku with a wistful dad smile which was both heartwarming and also makes me slightly terrified for his chances of surviving to the end of this series, but what else is new. Anyway so after class we cut to Aizawa and Mic who were all “we’re still sad fyi” until the Big Three interrupted them to get Aizawa to come help with Eri’s quirk. Meanwhile, All Might sat down with Deku and Kacchan and gave Deku a notebook all about THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE SIXQUIRKS. And we’d better be covering that pronto in this chapter because holy shit I had to wait two weeks after that cliffhanger and that was not fucking fair.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan and Deku read about the one quirk user WE ALREADY FUCKING KNEW ABOUT before they get bored and decide that WE DON’T NEED TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT ANY OF THOSE OTHER LAME QUIRKS APPARENTLY. In an effort to console me, All Might reveals that Shimura Nana’s quirk was THE POWER OF FUCKING FLYING YEAH BITCHES, which does admittedly warm my heart. Also Deku and Kacchan have an entire page of going back and forth at each other like the squabbling siblings they are and that helps too. Also we then cut to all of the 1-A kids having a New Year’s party, and yeah, Horikoshi admittedly knows how to play me like a goddamn fiddle I guess. The chapter then takes a sudden swerve for the nostalgic, with Deku and pals reminiscing about how much they’ve grown and how lucky they are, before we cut to All Might who’s sitting on a bench having Winter Night Angst until he’s comforted by Aizawa of all people, because this chapter is actually fucking great. And then we cut to THREE FUCKING MONTHS LATER LMAOOOO [blows noisemaker] SHIGARACALYPSE 2020 COMING ATCHA KIDS. WOOP WOOP.

okay so I have been persuaded to try out the fan scanlation this week! for several reasons: (1) the new scanlators have had a few weeks now to improve their game and I’m curious to see what the quality is like, (2) there are already spoilers all over my dashboard lol and I’m tired of trying to dodge them, and finally (3) I have nothing else to do this afternoon and I wanna read it. SO IMMA READ IT. BRING ON THE SIXQUIRKS OF DEKU THE NINTH

-- GOD DAMMIT ALL MIGHT

I assume that those are the two shadowy ones, then? Bakushadow and PonytailShadow? goddammit. meanwhile even if we didn’t have that whole mystery, the second user would still be the one I’m most curious about, because (s)he was the first one to actually get OFA handed down to them, and to say that I’m curious about how exactly that went down would be putting it mildly. like how the hell did Lil Bro figure out that he could pass his fucking quirk down to people. and what exactly was the trial and error process involved, if any. was he just like. “dude, come here, I want to try something okay? this is gonna sound really fucking weird but hear me out... I want you to eat my hair”

sob, honestly a time-traveling Bakugou who already knows how The Whole Deal Works might honestly be the least bizarre explanation. I have so many questions ughh

btw I do also want to call attention to the fact that this chapter is titled “make it your own”, a.k.a. the mantra that Kacchan has been trying to get Deku to adopt since the provisional license exam. so this I do like. that is very promising

hmmMMMMMMMM

motherfuckin time travel is starting to sound more and more likely you guys. oh my god. but how?? someone’s quirk?? or maybe they can just get Mei to build them a machine. fuck it, she’s already upgraded Deku’s costume ten thousand times with random crap, what’s one more. you read it here first, Deku’s next upgrade will be gloves that carry him back and forth in time

lmao Katsuki

on the one hand that is very rude, but on the other hand I too would like him to get to talking about the ones whose quirks he actually did learn about. so yeah. [taps watch] we gonna do this All Might, or

lmao Deku’s asking about Blackwhip and meanwhile Katsuki’s just PICKING UP THE NOTEBOOK, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING, YOINK

(ETA: Kacchan with a normal face is such a rare Charizard of a panel that I just have to stop for a moment to appreciate it. take a good look everyone, we probably won’t get this again for another 50 chapters.)

fucking thank you Kacchan. holy shit. I mean All Might worked hard on it, might as well make use of it. and never mind the explicit “FOR YOUNG MIDORIYA” plastered on the cover I guess lol

also!! BALDY FINALLY GOT HIMSELF A NAME OMGGGGG. “LARIAT.” we’ll see how Caleb translates that tomorrow, I guess. I have no idea what it means but I’m excited!!! yay naaaames

OH THAT’S JUST HIS ALIAS HE’S GOT A REAL NAME TOO OH SNAP

(ETA: also there’s the expected “go” since he’s #5. so that’s apparently still a thing, meaning the mystery behind nos. 2 and 3 is still as perplexing as ever. maybe a bit of a stretch, but does anyone suppose that the “己” at the end of Katsuki’s given name could be interpreted as kind of looking like the Arabic numeral for two? eh? eh??)

seems to be causing a whole lot of collateral damage, but hey, price you pay for being a badass

oh my god my sons are bickering

(ETA: but lmao though at Katsuki being all “YOU THINK EVERY FUCKING QUIRK IS AMAZING” because sob it’s true.)

Katsuki please. first of all WHY WOULD YOU ONLY GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT THE ONE FUCKING QUIRK WE ALREADY KNEW, and two, I kinda need at least one of those quirks to be at least a little bit badass, because fucking shit you guys, uhhhh. [gestures frantically to the last page of chapter 255] nyghhnghh. and also!! [gestures to the last two pages of chapter 245] ...

hmm so All Might says that Kacchan is right, and that it makes sense that most of the quirks would be weak ones because AFO made it his business to stomp out any strong quirk users on account of the whole “he’s fucking evil” thing and all of that world domination biz

look how evil

oh wow

goddamn that’s one hell of an image. all these fallen heroes desperately trying to make sure that their power, the world’s only hope, doesn’t die out with them

so then from the way All Might makes it sound, it seems like some of the successors maybe weren’t carefully selected at all, but instead they were just the ones who happened to be in the right (wrong??) place at the right time. maybe some of them were fellow soldiers in the war against AFO, and when their comrades fell they were there to pick up the gauntlet. that actually makes a hell of a lot of sense

and also the way they seem to be passing on the quirk appears to be the blood-on-blood method rather than the hair-eating method, so that also potentially addresses my snarky rambling earlier in this very recap lol. Lil Bro may not have meant to pass it on at all; he might have just been gripping some spiky-haired passerby’s hand while mortally wounded, and knowing that his time was up, and hoping against hope that this MYSTERIOUS KACCHAN-LOOKING STRANGER would somehow be able to take up the fight and continue what he started. and then lo and behold

-- motherFUCKER HE REALLY JUST PUT IT BACK DOWN ON THE TABLE LIKE

SO, I GUESS WE JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER QUIRKS THEN! WELL FINE. let’s just never talk about anything I’m dying to know about again ever!!

“seems they’ve all died young” WELL ISN’T THAT JUST FINE AND FUCKING DANDY. what a wonderful legacy All Might has bequeathed unto our sprightly green protagonist. what a barrel of laughs this has turned out to be

sob my son literally doesn’t know how to take his foot off the gas

but I guess it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have someone there who only relentlessly knows how to go forward, forward, forward

SDFLKSHDOGIHSOGISHLGKSDLFJ

EXCUSE ME, MCFUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY?! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME MY BEST GIRL COULD FUCKING FLY, IS THAT IT?? AM I READING THIS RIGHT?? WAIT -- HOW DO YOU BREATHE, AGAIN?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, I

LOL WHAT THE FUCK

(ETA: I left the edges of his speech bubble in while cropping this so everyone can appreciate just how spiky it is.)

me too kid!! you were playing quirk bingo, right? it was only a matter of time before someone came along with flying powers and we all knew it. I’ve been saying it and saying it, Deku was born to touch the sky

lulz he’s screaming at Deku that he can already fly with his explosions, so now while Deku works on mastering his own flying quirk, Katsuki will pull ahead of him SO THAT MAKES HIM THE WINNER I GUESS. lol honestly this speech is one of the nerdiest things he’s ever done and I almost wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d ended it with “OWNED!!!” watch him look around for a mic to drop

oh my god

this isn’t even rival energy, this is sibling energy. like, this one panel is some of the rawest fucking sibling energy I’ve ever seen. the relentless shittalking, the competition over absolutely nothing, the ridiculous faces... just, wow

anyway so I have a ton of thoughts about Katsuki’s current feelings toward Deku ever since the Endeavor and Natsuo “you don’t have to forgive me” thing, but the short version is that I think Katsuki lately has actually been really worried about upsetting the status quo with Deku, and, well... “losing” Deku, so to speak. I think during the internship he finally clued in to the fact that he actually had been a real certified jerkweiner to Deku, but more importantly he woke up to the realization that he doesn’t know for sure if Deku actually has forgiven him. like, he’s been going around thinking that it’s in the past, that it doesn’t matter, and then along come the Todorokis with all their drama, and he sees that and he realizes oh shit, sometimes people secretly have tons of resentment that’s just burning away at them underneath and shit!

and so the thought is kind of eating at him now that Deku might not have actually forgiven him, and he’s actually really scared of that, and so he’s reacting in two different ways: one, by being irrationally annoyed/angry with Deku for having that power over him (the power to either forgive him or not), even though that’s his own fault; and two, by trying in his own way to aggressively push things toward being the way they were back when they were little kids before their whole falling out. which, in his mind, means them being rivals. like, in the second character book, there’s a section that’s all about the characters’ relationships with each other, and in for Deku it says he views his and Kacchan’s relationship as “childhood friends”, but from Katsuki’s perspective, their relationship is listed as “childhood rivals.” so yeah

anyway so I guess I lied about this being “the short version” (I’m gonna have to essay about this more in a separate post I think), but basically I think that in Katsuki’s mind this kind of juvenile making-faces-and-egging-each-other-on thing is how he interprets their friendship, and he’s very awkwardly trying to get back to that

anyway! I got hella sidetracked there so let’s get back to the plot shall we. there’s a sweet panel of All Might smiling at the two of them because I think he also sees that this scene is somehow heartwarming in its own bizarre way lol

and then WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE DORMS YESSSSSS

(ETA: stray thought -- it’s an absolute fucking delight to see all of the male characters cooking for once while the girls, as far as I can see, are just sitting around chilling in the living area. like I’m sure they are helping as well, but you have no idea how fucking refreshing it is to not have the girl characters be all “WE’LL COOK FOR YOU BOYS SINCE YOU’RE SO HOPELESS AND/OR YOU’RE WORKING SO HARD TEEHEE.” holy shit. it’s great.)

to answer your question, Sero, they’ve been having secret powwows with All Might and discussing things like how Kacchan is objectively better than Deku it’s science, and how to make Deku fly. what have you all been doing

OH I SEE YOU ARE HAVING DINNER

is that Tokoyami running like a Hanna-Barbera character in the background. every time I think I have a handle on his character Horikoshi has a new twist ready to keep me on my toes. also lol at Kirishima remembering how Kacchan did jackall to help during the Christmas party, and making sure he does his part this time IF HE WANTS TO EAT

(ETA: lol so after rereading this that’s clearly Deku in the background. I still think it looks more like Tokoyami though! but obviously the two of them are the only ones still in their uniforms, so.)

OH BOY OH BOY NOW THIS CHAPTER IS CRACKIN’

TODOROKI SHOUTO!! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UNTO YOUR FAMILY! lmao he’s so quick to answer “IT WAS ME I DID IT” with his two fucking exclamation points too lol. I don’t know why that’s so amusing to me but it is and I love it

meanwhile Horikoshi got a little too playful when drawing that Momochako page there huh. drew the back of her head but was then like “BUT THEN YOU CAN’T SEE HER ADORABLE SMILE” but he couldn’t be assed to redraw it so he improvised. IT’S CALLED ART

ahhhhhhh class B is joining them yesssss!! and Kodai’s bringing a couch oh my god such an excellent and practical application of her Ant-Man quirk to make sure everyone has someplace to sit these children are so cooperative and wise

YAY WHOLESOME NEW YEAR’S PARTY ANTICS

KATSUKI HAS UPGRADED FROM SANTA GRUMP TO SITTING NICELY WITH HIS SQUAD!! SHOUJI IS WEARING ANOTHER OF HIS LEGENDARY PONCHOS!! TSUYU JUST SAVED MINA’S LIFE!! KOUDA BROUGHT HIS BUNNY BECAUSE BUNNY DESERVES TO PARTY TOO!! AND AOYAMA IS PROBABLY WEARING A ROBE, BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S A DRESS AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!! NEW YEAR NEW HIM YES CHEERS

oh my god they’re starting to reminisce, no my emotions were not ready for this please chill out kids

look at them talking like they’re all grown up now

you do realize you all are still just babies right. “it was a crazy ride... back then we were so young...” is that Joe Cocker’s version of With a Little Help from My Friends I hear playing in the background. why has the film quality gone all grainy. what is this what’s happening

THANK YOU IIDA

as expected from the resident 40-year-old. please tell these children to get a grip. they’re out here talking about which Roth IRAs they’re going to get and how much their lower backs hurt

also, this scanlation hasn’t been too bad so far, but I feel like knowing it’s “Iida” and not “Lida” is like the bare minimum of translating a chapter of BnHA. like at least get the names right. but anyway I cropped that part of the panel out regardless because Mineta’s face was ruining the atmosphere so it’s all good

oh no. oh shit wait. what’s going on here

do not tell me this is one of those “calm before the storm/AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME EVERYONE WAS ALL TOGETHER AND HAPPY EVER AGAIN” things. please no. please tell me I’m overreacting and grossly misinterpreting the general vibe here. fuck

also though, you see that bit in the Kacchan panel though lol. so yeah their relationship is just like that. it’s weird but they like it

jesus christ now Deku is sitting there saying “I’m very fortunate” with this face like he’s just DARING fate to come on over and punch him in the balls. DEKU!!

no!!!! [swipes at the air in an attempt to ward off the oncoming plot] go away! shoo!

and interestingly, Tokoyami is watching him!

do you want in on this plot too buddy. is that it. well your mentor has gotten himself all wound up in this spider’s web by this point, so why not. if we’re gonna have angst I guess the more the merrier

LMAO NEVER MIND, THE VERY NEXT PANEL HE’S ASKING DEKU TO PASS THE FUCKING PONZU AGAIN. DEKU COULD YOU FUCKING SNAP TO IT ALREADY HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO ASK

NOW ALL MIGHT IS SITTING ALONE ON A BENCH OUTSIDE THE TEACHER’S DORMS AND AIZAWA IS THERE SUDDENLY

is he going to talk to him about Eri. or the whole Noumu thing. ahhhhhhh

someone please tell All Might he needs to stop acting like he’s about to die. holy shit. this is reaching unacceptable levels. the fond smile while watching Deku’s progress. another fond smile while seeing him and Bakugou going back and forth, perhaps feeling reassured that someone else will be there to look out for Deku once he’s gone. giving Deku a notebook with everything he knows about OFA. and now SITTING ON A BENCH ALONE IN THE DARK IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER WITH HIS HANDS FOLDED IN HIS LAP JUST THINKING THOUGHTS!! AND AIZAWA’S ALL “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” AND HE’S ALL “NOTHING... JUST...” HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALL MIGHT COULD YOU PLEASE NOT

but anyways so what’s this you say about training Eri now

fffFFFFFS HE’S DOING IT AGAIN

he doesn’t know if he’ll be here come springtime, that’s what’s up. the clock is ticking on Nighteye’s prophecy, and even though he swore he’d live and punch fate in the mouth, you never know though and shit but this is depressing. anyway if my guess is right he may be about to share the secret of OFA with Aizawa though, because that’s what I’d do if I thought I was possibly gonna die and my student might need someone to continue mentoring him once I was gone. so, you know, still a bummer but also YES ALL MIGHT DO ITTTTT

oh nope nevermind he’s just rambling and Aizawa doesn’t have a clue wtf he’s on about

fffff this is some prime grade A All Might angst right here, the gods have blessed us after so long oh snap oh dang

so then maybe he doesn’t think he’s dying lol. well whatever. I think it’s probably a little of column A, a little of column B, that sort of thing but hey

yo you guys, Aizawa bonding with All Might is just. [chef’s kiss] it’s been so long. I don’t think we’ve had a long scene between them since the parent teacher meetings oh my god. Aizawa definitely respects him so much more now and it’s great

totally off subject btw, but the third light novel has a chapter where the teachers all meet up at a local bar and get trashed and talk about all kinds of crap, and Aizawa drunkenly tells All Might he respects the hell out of him, and it’s an absolute delight and everyone should read it. here’s the link to the Viz edition. it’s easily the best of the light novels (though I haven’t read the fourth one which is coming out in March), and an enjoyable read from start to finish. anyways thus ends my unsponsored plug, now back to our regularly scheduled programming

yep. safe to say the days when he thought All Might was an attention-loving media whore are long gone. fuck I love this

oh my god oh my fucking god

wow. just. ...shit. this is a message that I think everyone should hear, first of all, and this is easily one of the most gorgeous and profound panels this manga has ever had. like holy shit I almost cried

and second of all, tell me something, how is Aizawa the most comforting, gentle, supportive, encouraging man in the universe, and how did we get so lucky, and can you believe this man wasn’t even planning to become a teacher holy shit. we can’t afford to lose him, ever

OH FUCK ALL MIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU START CRYING HERE --

let me tell you I did not need that flashback panel of Nighteye TODAY OF ALL DAYS, HOLY SHIT. THE HELL KIND OF TIMING IS THAT. HE KNEW WHAT EPISODE WAS AIRING THIS WEEKEND, HE DOES SKETCHES FOR THEM EVERY WEEK, THIS WAS FULLY INTENTIONAL AND I FEEL AGGRIEVED

my god All Might is pinching the corners of his eyes and apologizing I can’t. STOP OFFLOADING ALL OF THESE ALL MIGHT FEELS ON ME. even now, after everything he’s given, he still feels like it’s not enough. it’s in his nature to feel restless, to want to do more. he’s earned the right to rest -- earned it more than anyone in the world -- but he can’t, and he feels guilty and helpless because the burden he shouldered for so long has been passed on to everyone else now, and he knows how heavy it is, and he was so willing to carry it even if it destroyed him, but he can’t anymore! and then to have someone come along and say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough, you’re doing enough, you are enough,” just. shit shit shit shit shit. I can hear Horikoshi’s truck beeping as it backs up to dump YET MORE FEELS all over my goddamn house. there are feels being tossed out of an airplane door overhead with little parachutes. fucking paperboys are riding by on their bicycles and whipping them at my face screaming “EXTRA! EXTRA!” fucking...

-- HOLY SHIT!?!?

well my jaw just dropped. um. [peeks at calendar] do you mean to tell me that we’re just CUTTING STRAIGHT TO THE PARTY NOW, JUST LIKE THAT

WELL FUCK, LMAO. BEEN NICE KNOWING Y’ALL

sDFLKSHGLKH

Horikoshi: [poking his head in the door] hey what’s up guys just thought I’d toss in this panel of Ujiko here to remind you all that Spring is when --

everyone: JESUS CHRIST WE KNOW

-- WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK LOL, WHAT

well I guess it’s nice to know that those feelings of impending doom were apparently RIGHT ON THE MONEY sob. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, JUST THE END OF ALL HEROES!! JUST UJIKO ROAMING THE HALLS OF HIS LOCAL HOSPITAL BEING ALL “HO HO” BECAUSE HE’S FINISHED HIS WINTER PROJECT OF TURNING TOMURA INTO ONE OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN AND HE’S FEELING REALLY FUCKING GREAT ABOUT LIFE. JUST THE MANGA JUMPING AHEAD THREE FUCKING MONTHS JUST LIKE THAT, AND DROPPING US BACK IN BARELY A WEEK BEFORE THE START OF THE KIDS’ SECOND YEAR, A.K.A. “YEAR OF THE SHINSOU”, A.K.A. “YEAR THAT KACCHAN FINALLY REVEALS HIS HERO NAME BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SON YOU REALLY FUCKING SAT ON THAT FOR THREE MORE FUCKING MONTHS!?”, A.K.A. “THE YEAR ALL MIGHT BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE”, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A.K.A. “[GESTURES FRANTICALLY TO CHAPTER 245 AGAIN]”

lol. here I was hoping we had at least a little more time before the whole “we’re fucked” thing kicked in, but I guess the apocalypse waits for no one. gentlemen it has been a privilege playing with you tonight

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drabblesofrapture · 3 years

Text

Angel and Ghoul meet the King! (Superhero au)

Hey there kiddos, it’s your ol’ pal Dusty here again with a lil snippet I wrote for our superhero au. The young superheroes Angel (Johnathan) and Ghoul (Takeo) cross paths with one of Rapture’s most notorious supervillains: The King (Malcolm).

CW: some violence and broken bones

Another late night in Rapture. Most people had already gotten home from work, so the usual evening traffic had died down considerably. Still, car horns and the peeling of tires could be heard in the distance, typical for such a city. The lights in most of the small businesses and restaurants were starting to go out as the owners closed up for the night. Even the welcoming neon lights of Glen’s Diner went out. A few lonely souls wandered the streets, some taking refuge within Chugger’s Bar for a long night of drunken shenanigans. All things considered, it was a rather quiet night.

However, quiet or not, justice never takes a night off. Perched on the lonely rooftops were two of Rapture’s new young superheroes; the Dynamic Dude Duo themselves, Angel and Ghoul! Once again the pubescent patrollers were spending the night scouring the unforgiving streets of Rapture looking for crime to fight and people to help. They’ve found themselves in somewhat of a rut though, now entering their second week of seeing no action whatsoever.

“Shit,” Ghoul breathed as he paced around the roof, his gloved hands furiously rubbing his bare arms. His entire torso was exposed to the elements, save for his waste which was protected by a purple sash wrapped around it . “It’s fuckin cold tonight.”

“You’re the one who thought fighting crime shirtless would be a good idea,” Angel pointed out, not prying his eyes away from the street below. He was crouched on the very edge of the roof, like any typical brooding superhero.

“Whatever man, I still look badass,” Ghoul scoffed in return, puffing his chest out only to shrink back in on himself as a shiver ran down his spine.

Under the mask, Angel rolled his eyes at his poorly prepared pal. He undid the clasp of his capelet and tossed the garment to Ghoul. “Here, take this.”

He caught the capelet and looked down at it for a moment before sheepishly draping it about his bare shoulders. It was a bit tight for his broad frame, but it would do. “Thanks..”

“Just bring a jacket next time.”

Pulling the capelet around himself, Ghoul walked over to Angel and sat down beside him. He let his legs idly dangle back and forth off the ledge of the building. “Think we’ll see anything tonight?”

“I hope not,” Angel said, raising a hand to his mouth to stifle a yawn. “I should be working on that paper for english class; it’s due Tuesday and I haven’t even gotten a start on it yet.”

“Aw c’mon Johnny! Fighting crime is way more important than school!” Ghoul replied, his lips pulling back into a grin to reveal his pointed teeth.

“If heroism starts affecting my grades then my aunt is going to know something is up,” Angel pointed out. “She’s already becoming suspicious of how late I stay out most nights.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose lightly before easing his grip and allowing his hand to slide down the rest of his face. “I swear, between patrolling with you and all the things Evelyn is having me do, this heroism thing is starting to run me ragged.”

Ghoul just gave his friend a reassuring pat on the back. “Don’t worry bro, you ain’t doin’ it by yourself; I’m by your side ‘til the end!”

The way the eyes of Angel’s mask squinted slightly gave away the fact that he was smiling. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Ghoul smiled and patted Angel’s back once more. “Tell ya what, let’s just stay out for like ten more minutes, and if nothing happens we can go home.”

Not even five seconds after he said that, there came a crash from the alleyway behind the building the two heroes were stationed on. The boys rushed over to the other side of the roof, being careful not to make too much noise themselves. They peeked out over the edge of the roof to see two men in the alleyway, carrying duffle bags into the dry cleaner’s shop through the back door. One of them was holding the door open, and he gave a reproachful look to his counterpart behind him who had accidentally tripped over a metal trash can, tipping it over. After a whispered scolding, both of the men shuffled inside, closing the door quietly behind them.

“Didn’t know the dry cleaner was open this late,” Ghoul whispered.

Angel shook his head. “I don’t think they’re here to get their clothes dry cleaned.”

“Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s get down there and crack some skulls!”

“Takeo wait-”

Too late. Ghoul had already jumped down into the alleway. They were two stories up, but with Ghoul’s powers it was nothing. Rolling as he landed, he quickly hopped to his feet and ran towards the door. Angel followed quickly behind him, bringing out his wings and using them to slow his fall. He dashed over to his comrade and pulled him away from the door as he began tugging on the handle.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Angel hissed. “We don’t even have a plan!”

“I have a plan!” Ghoul defended, throwing his hands up. “We go in there and beat the ever-loving shit of every bad guy in there!”

“That’s a terrible plan!”

Ghoul was already trying to open the door. However, one tug on the handle gave away the fact that the door was locked. With a sigh, Angel lightly pushed his friend to the side and put his hand up against the keyhole of the door. A small black tendril snaked out of his hand and slotted itself into the hole, growing and contorting to fit the necessary space of the key. With a turn of his hand, the lock clicked and Angel gently opened the door. Ghoul was about to go right in, but Angel suddenly blocked his path.

“We’re only going in to observe, understood?” he said, holding a finger up in Ghoul’s face. “We don’t know how many more are in there, we don’t want to get in over our heads.”

“Dude c’mon, will be fiiiine,” Ghoul groaned as he pushed past him.

To their surprise, the place was completely dark and empty. The only thing there was the racks of clothes which looked so eerie in the dark. Upon further inspection, they noticed a light coming from behind the door to the basement. As they approached the door, they also began to hear faint voices coming from within. The boys looked at each other for a moment before softly pushing the door open.

They found themselves staring down a stairwell bathed in the yellow light of incandescent light bulbs. The noises from the basement became more clear as well; people talking, the shuffle of feet, and things being moved around. Angel was about to go down first, his leg extending out and slowly lowering down onto the first step. When he put his weight down into that leg, the step made a loud creak. They both froze. It felt like their hearts had stopped beating for a moment, and they both held their breath as they waited for the henchmen to take notice. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like any of them noticed as the noises downstairs continued. They let out a shared sigh of relief and stepped away from the stairwell.

“I’ll go down, you stay here,” Ghoul explained in a hushed tone.

He approached the stairwell himself and turned around so that his back was facing the stairs, leaning back, he reached his arms out towards the ceiling and stuck his hands to its surface. Once his hands were firmly stuck to the ceiling, he leapt up off the floor and brought his feet up to the ceiling as well, sticking them firmly in place. From there he slowly crawled along the sloped ceiling down the stairwell until he reached the bottom.

The two men from the alleyway were there, as well as a few other assorted henchmen and henchwomen. They were all quickly stuffing money from secret compartments in the wall into the duffle bags they were all carrying. One of the henchmen stood back from the others, frowning and tapping the barrel of his gun against his hip impatiently.

“Hurry it up you guys!” he barked. “The boss will be here any moment and he wants all this shit packed up and ready to go!”

One of the henchmen turned around with a confused look on his face. “By ‘boss’ do you mean the Boss or our boss?”

“Of course I mean our fucking boss! Jesus Christ Gary!”

“Don’t have to shout at me…” Gary murmured as he continued shoving money into his bag. The henchwoman beside him gave him a consoling pat on the shoulder.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Angel watched his companion. The mask hid the concerned expression the boy had on underneath. His hands clutched at the door frame as if it was the only thing keeping him standing. Something was about to go wrong, he could feel it. He could literally feel it, it was one of his powers. A nagging ache at the back of his head. A cold sensation spreading down his back and causing the muscles in his shoulders to tighten. A pit in his stomach that opened wider with each breath. Something bad was about to happen. Something bad was coming.

No, not something bad, someone bad.

A hand suddenly clapped down hard on Angel’s shoulder, and he had to will himself not to let out a yelp. He spun around to face the stranger, and the eyes of his mask grew wide to match the horrified countenance underneath. This was no stranger, he knew who the tall man was from the very moment he laid eyes on the golden crown that sat atop his head. He knew that brilliant emerald green suit, he recognized that intricate masquerade mask and the dead eyes that lay behind it. He had seen it all countless times before on the news, the one thing he knew he would have to face someday when he first donned the title of a superhero. He was standing face to face with one of Rapture’s most powerful supervillains, the King.

The gloved hand on his shoulder quickly moved to his neck, strong fingers squeezing his throat and lifting him off of his feet. The King threw him down the stairwell. His body slammed right into Ghoul and both boys fell in a heap of tangled limbs at the bottom of the stairs. They wasted no time getting back on their feet, backing away from the stairs and into a wall of goons all with handguns trained on them. Both their bodies tensed, locked in fighting stances. The stairs creaked as King slowly made his way down them.

There he stood, blocking the way to the stairs. His cold glare was locked onto the heroes. He took a step towards them, and then another. They couldn’t help but flinch when he approached. Two boys, kids really, facing off against what was basically to them a demigod. They’d seen the stories on the news, they knew the things he was capable of. What chance did they stand against someone of such great power?

“Leave.” His deep voice resonated throughout the room, sending chills even down the goons’ spines.

“Like Hell we will!” Ghoul growled, finally mustering up the confidence to speak. He took a step towards King, his teeth bared and his fists raised. “We came here to kick crime’s ass, and right now I’m looking at the King of Crime himself!”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” King clarified. His piercing green eyes scanned over his underlings standing behind the heroes. “All of you, leave. I will deal with the heroes myself.”

They all seemed more than eager to follow their bosses rules, all quickly shuffling up the stairs as soon as he finished speaking. The heroes made no attempt to stop them, both locking gazes with the supervillain before them. Once they heard the door upstairs shut, the fight was on.

Ghoul lunged forward with a mighty roar. He took a wild swing at the King who dodged effortlessly out of the way. He threw a jab straight for the villain’s chest, but King avoided it with a simple sidestep. A wild frenzy of punches ensued, all of which the King easily evaded. Ghoul threw a jab for his jaw but found his fist caught in the villain’s hand.

“Your form is sloppy,” King commented. His fingers tightened around Ghoul’s fist, causing him to wince. There was a loud snap and Ghoul howled in pain as the bones in his hand shattered. His face caught the back of King’s other hand and he went flying into the wall, knocked unconscious.

The King then made a lunge at Angel. He barely had enough time to throw up a wing to block a lethal punch for his head. Angel staggered as the fist made contact with his wing, nearly forcing him to his knees. The wing swung outwards to push the villain back. It succeeded, but King was immediately back on the offensive. Angel was stuck on the defensive, constantly blocking a flurry of punches with his wings. When the barrage let up, he opened his wings to let out his own barrage of black projectiles shooting out from their inky depths. King was faster though, dropping down and sweeping Angel’s legs. He was thrown off balance, and King moved at inhuman speed to get back up and slam Angel into the floor.

“Pathetic,” King spat as he stared down at the defeated hero on the ground who only let out a strangled groan in response. “Killing you two wouldn’t even be worth my time.”

With that, he turned away and began walking to the stairs. Angel wanted to get back up and stop him, but he feared what would become of him if he did. Instead, he lay there in his own loss until King’s footsteps faded away and the door upstairs shut once more. Once he was sure that the villain was gone, he slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position. His entire body seemed to scream in protest as he did. Now that he was sitting, he then slowly got to his feet and staggered over to his unconscious friend. He scooped Ghoul up with his wings and carefully carried him up the stairs and out of the building.

The King and his goons were all gone by the time they got out. Angel couldn’t help but let out a disappointed sigh. The first action they see in weeks and it turns out to be the most major loss they’ve faced so far in their superhero careers. He gently set his friend down on the concrete before sitting down next to him. He let his face rest in his hands for a moment before letting out another loud sigh.

A groggy moan escaped Ghoul’s lips as he started coming to. An eye fluttered open, and he looked over at his sullen comrade. “Did we win?”

“No,” Angel said bluntly. “We got our asses kicked.”

“Ah fuck..” Ghoul breathed out. He reached out a hand and patted his friend’s knee. “Don’t worry man, we’ll get the fucker next time.”

Angel looked down at the battered Ghoul before staring off into space. “Yeah… next time…”

#Dusty's Charas #Mod Dusty #Rapture Johnathan #Rapture Takeo #Rapture Malcolm #Superhero AU

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