#like i haven’t even bothered reading episode summaries

[lizaluvsthis]

Sparks in the air

This fanfic is dedicaded to @shygirl4991 and @alianarepasa for Mothers Day! Thank you for being our found family!

Summary- Smg4 receives an official invite from a group of famous content creators such as himself to work with them.

It's always been a dream for him yet he has to leave his home and friends forever. After careful consideration, he decided to pursue his dream and packed up his things.

His friends threw him a going away party, and he was sad to leave but what bothered him the most was that he hasn’t seen too much of his meme guardian partner lately since he announced he was leaving...

INSPIRED BY - The show “Friends”

References:

Notebook (from Spiderverse Part 1) -Liz

Holding hands episode -Aj

Written by @itsajanea and @lizaluvsthis

Illustrations by @lizaluvsthis

Gmods by @itsajanea

COMBINED IDEAS BY THE EGG N’ BEEG DUO

[AJ]

3rd Pov

“GUYS, GUYS LOOK WHAT I HAVE!” Smg4 yelled excitedly, running into the room, and waving what seemed to be a half-open letter. The crew looked at him with confusion but expected it was good based on his reaction.

“ I got an official invite to work with the best content creators!!” The blue meme guardian starts jumping up and down, waving the letter in the air.

The others were happy for him and celebrated with him.

Something slipped from the inside of the envelope and fell onto the floor, Meggy picked it up and stared at it before turning back to look at the happy Smg4.

“Ummmm Smg4, did you read the ENTIRE letter?” Meggy calls out to him, catching everyone else's attention as she waves a small plane ticket.

Smg4 looked back at the invitation in his hand and took out the letter from the envelope only to realize it was also talking about him moving away from his current residence

“Oh, it says that I will be going away for a long time…” What once was happy cheers turned into a sad moment of silence, until Mario shuffled up to him and gave him a big ol hug.

“Mario understands how much this means to you, and Mario is very happy.” He softly said, hugging the other tighter while he held back some tears. Smg4 hugged the red plumber back and soon everyone joined in the group hug, it was nice and comforting for the man.

All except for one, Smg3. He looked back at the group making sure no one noticed him hiding his tears before running off.

Smg4 Pov

It's been a couple of days since I got that invite… I should be finished packing by now, yet I don't want to move.

I’ve been lying here, staring at the ceiling for quite a while and I hear some noise outside.

They told me earlier that I should stay in here for a while so they’re probably throwing a party for me which is nice but… something feels wrong.

I sat up and looked at the boxes surrounding the room, I finally got up and walked around the place, reminiscing about the time I spent here.

I spotted a glimpse of a certain picture inside the box and I took it out. I smiled seeing the picture of me and the gang, we all looked so happy, I pulled out another picture from the box and it was of the two of us.

“Three…” I frown just thinking of him, I haven’t seen him in a while since I said to everyone that I accepted the offer.

And even when I DID see him, he’d just avoid me.

I bet he’s just mad that I got a good deal instead of him. I rolled my eyes and shoved the picture back into the box, walked away, and found myself looking back at the box.

Even though I'm a little mad at him… I’ll still miss him, like everyone else but I think I’ll miss him the most. But we know that I have to leave soon, so I better finish packing.

I grabbed an empty box and started packing some stuff in it, later on, I finished packing all my stuff so I took off my hat, lay on my bed and I stared at the wall to my right.

I waited for a while for the others to finish outside but I can’t help thinking about him. I turned to the left, looking at that space beside me and for some reason, I felt something was missing in that very spot.

I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep slumber.

…

Suddenly I felt a gentle breeze, I opened my eyes and found myself sitting on the grassy plains, staring at a purple sky, It was a sight to see and reminded me of someone-

I looked around the beautiful plains and saw 3 in the distance, I got up and rushed over to him yet I had a weird feeling.

When I called out his name, he looked at me with an enraged look, clenching his fists and what shocked me more was when he spoke in a sarcastic tone.

“Congratulations Smg4, you got what you wanted, now you can go off with your new friends.”

He then started walking away, I tried catching up, pleading with him to understand what he meant. I thought he would understand.

I tried reaching my hand out to him

and then the next thing I knew… I woke up, realizing I was reaching for something that wasn’t there

I tried relaxing my mind because it didn’t matter, for now, maybe I’d see him later and we could talk if he would be here.

“Oh ES-EM-GEE-FOUR!” I hear Mario’s call, which means I can finally come out now. I fixed my hair, put on my hat, and was ready to get out.

When I stepped out, I noticed all the decorations and everyone I knew. They all yelled out in excitement and came rushing towards me. I was overjoyed, even though it may be the last, I'm glad to see everyone again.

While chatting with one of my old friends, I see Smg3 just standing there.

I excused myself and walked up to him til Mario just popped out of nowhere. I was stuck talking to him for a while and saw 3 leaving the party too soon. He looked at me with a cold stare before disappearing from my gaze.

What did I do wrong?

3rd Pov

It was after the party that Smg4 couldn’t sleep, that look 3 gave him shook him to his core. It made him angry for some reason. Why couldn’t he be happy for him just once, just because he was the one who got an amazing offer?

4 could’ve tried sleeping, his flight is in the morning but it bothered him too much to the point where he decided to go march over to 3’s place and give him a piece of his mind.

He took his hat and entered the shop, while riding down the elevator he thought of what to say and then

Ding

He got off the elevator and yelled out

“THREE! WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN AVOIDING ME THIS PAST-”

Smg3 sat on his bed, hugging himself while he cried in anguish. Surrounded by a mess and Eggdog, who was trying his best to comfort his beloved father he still weeps.

4 felt devastated, he felt sick to his stomach seeing the other in this state. He had never seen 3 in such a terrible state like this before.

“Three…” He softly says, slowly approaching the other before 3 stared at the man intensely, his eyes were red and puffy, and he kept gasping for air and felt his body tremble.

“Get out.” 3 quietly answered, pausing to wipe his face on his shirt. “Now…”

“But I-”

“I SAID GET OUT, GET OUT NOW” he raised his voice and threw the nearest object he could find at 4.

4 was able to dodge it but he still had goosebumps. Before he could speak, 3 threw another object at him and kept throwing more and more objects while yelling at him

“GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!”

[Liz]

A moment without thinking, he threw the only thing that felt important to him…

His secret diary… his notebook… the one that he hides most often when he’s around with four or any other of the crew members.

“Three! Please stop- we can talk about this-” Four trying his best to cover his face with his arm on defense.

He was brought by surprise just the second he saw a notebook coming closer that was about to his face.

It was too late for him to dodge it, right after the split second he noticed that it was SMG3’s diary. The sharp corner hit his forehead and fell to the floor.

“OW!” SMG4 knocked himself back to the ground, with his eyes closed. His hat fell off to the floor, and the amount of pictures and notes flew out of the pages from three’s notebook.

Like how it exploded in the air.

The notes and pictures that scattered across the room, gave Three a quick moment of realization then his face turned pale. Feeling shocked after realizing what he had just done.

Seeing Four has a tiny scratch from the impact and the purple notebook he owns. Just right in front of him…

Three starts to panic after he gave himself a second to think, he f-cked up pretty badly…

“SHIT- SHIT- SHIT!” he hurriedly grabs the photos and the other notes lying on the ground, and Four rubs his forehead then finally opens his eyes to see papers falling.

As one of them falls and lands in Four’s hand, he slowly picks up the note to try and read what the handwriting says.

Three’s handwriting is oddly new to him since he’d never seen much of his writing before, looking a bit closer now. He reads a simple note of-

“Today, Four made me laugh. I honestly hated how soft I am to this baka but the joke was funny tho.”

Then to the bottom after the text, it shows a doodle of him and Three laughing together, just the two of them sitting on the bench.

“What…” he saw two marked pink colored hearts, one beside four and one beside three.

Three’s heart started pounding, this can’t be happening to him right now. But then again it was too late to stop him.

As Four carefully placed the note down with now seemingly widened eyes, his other hand moved to the other side reaching out for another picture.

It was a picture of him and Three back when they were both in their recolored designs. Back when Three seemed to like Four a little bit…

The picture is back on Christmas when Four insists on taking a selfie with him and Three while Mario is the one to use the camera. SMG3 felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea but Four still insisted.

Grabbing him around the shoulder, Three is seen blushing red in the camera while Four just smiles casually.

[AJ]

“You kept this….” 3 took the picture away from him, his face was red and he was extremely frustrated with 4.

[Liz]

“I…” Three wanted to respond but never dared to. SMG3 felt like his whole world tore apart right after a single thing he’d done. Now everything about his friendship with Four is destroyed.

Four tilted his head from side to side seeing all of the notes that were all mostly drawings of him and the pictures Three and him have been together or even without three and just him only marked with pink hearts all over.

“Three… you… you’ve been hiding all of this from me this whole time…?” Deep silence caused Four to get more upset. “Three… please…” “Stop.” The notes three were holding are now crushed right after clenching his fist.

“YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING AT ALL!” He slapped Four’s hand away after trying to reach him.

“Then just tell me-”

“FOR MEMES SAKE- WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO DENSE? I LIKE YOU IDIOT?!”

Three snapped out to Four as soon as he kept pushing Three to finally admit these feelings that he’d never given to him years from now.

Four, still lying down on the ground, looked up at Three to see the tired look on his face. His red cheeks were visible enough and had been caught in tears streaming down from his eyes.

He took a harsh breath and began to avoid his stare, he looked down to his side. “There…” he took every second to catch up on his words, taking deep breaths to regain his stamina.

“Now… you know…” his eyes kept watering, it made him want to wipe it off. He was still mad at him during this time, he just wished that Four would go away.

Yet the man refuses to leave him alone.

Smg4 Pov

“Why didn’t he tell me…?”

My thoughts wandered from his act, I had never seen him like this before.

But when he finally said that he had feelings for me… I didn’t know why it just stabbed my heart after hearing him this broken.

I spoke right to his front, trying to understand why he kept avoiding me.

"But why 3... if you felt this way, then why didn't you at least see me one last time?"

“Was it selfishness…? Was he jealous…? Did he hate it when I said I was leaving…?”

Three as soon as he wiped his tears, he turned to me and stared right into my eyes with hatred and pain.

"BECAUSE IT HURTS FOUR! It hurts so bad seeing you leave and I CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT…"

…

Oh…

(shit… I fucked up pretty badly… didn’t I…)

As much as I want to follow the path I’ve always dreamed of achieving, I promised myself to never hold back. Never LOOK back. But just seeing Three like this I don’t think I could ever say no just by baring to look at his eyes.

“Three… you know we both have been friends right…?” I saw him backing away from me and avoiding my glances, He kept picking up other of the notes that were left on the floor as soon as I saw the notebook right in front of me, one of the pages seemingly read as “SMG4” which was my name, is written on the lines.

“Dear Diary, I wish that SMG4 would have stayed here. But there's nothing that I can do now, I guess no one ever stays the same once there is one important thing way ahead in people's lives.

He’s leaving too. I don’t want him to, there's so many things that he’s done here. And now that he just started to leave? What kind of idiot does that man think he is? It’s not fair.”

There was a space gap in the paragraph, the last sentence is crossed out of the line. I leaned in closer to read the final letters. “I wish I could tell him- about how I feel-” The notebook is shut closed in my face as Three snatched it away.

“You’re moving away from us today… Leave me be… I don’t want to discuss any of this anymore” Three puts the remaining notes back on the pages and puts them back in the drawer, shutting it loudly.

Third Pov

“You should leave… Before you might miss the airport” Four got up from the ground and picked up his hat, putting it back on his head. “Can we just talk this out?”

“You don’t want to know how heavy it is to me when you’re gone.

I’ve waited every OTHER MOMENT of our time to get together but NO!

You wanted what you wished to get and you already had your time here, you enjoyed the celebration, the party, your friends, Mario, and everyone who was all up to support your dream. But me?

I’ve already run out of time, thinking about what could happen between the two of us, when you’re not by my side…”

Four wanted to speak to him, he wanted to hug him tightly. If he had to choose between the options of either leaving or staying, he could never decide.

What will he ever listen to? His heart or his head? But he could never decide about this, not with the one he loved, his friend that he broke his attachment to just because of moving far long away.

Which one should he decide…? Even though it was his dream… his partner…

He had already decided that following his dream was the only choice for him to do so, yet he also had no choice since he accepted that letter.

“I’m sorry…” Four backed away and ran to the elevator, Three was left alone from the scene.

—--

Four had finally had his luggage packed and was hugged by Mario and then by every other of his crew members.

“Mario’s gonna miss you very much!”

“I agree with Red, things are never the same without you around and…” Meggy and Mario gave each other looks and went completely silent right after they gave a sad one.

“Guys, what’s the matter?” They both looked at him with sad eyes as Meggy spoke the second time.

“Three was barely seen around the party. It seems like me and Mario wondered that it’s worrying him that you’ll be gone…”

Mario pulled out a meme quote out of the random. “Mario smells GAY DRAMA from you” His mustache grew as he sniffed him.

Four couldn’t help but think about what happened back to his lair. Was it all true? Did he- as in SMG3 have this kind of romantic feeling for him?

He tried not to think much about it since he was running out of time.

He knew he had to go but there's just something wanting to let him stay there, someone… who in particular was Three.

“Oh, yeah right. Him…” He immediately felt bad about the words he said to him, he couldn’t ever forget about it, it felt like the words were stuck to his head.

“SMG4- did something happen with your boyfriend? Did you both fight or something?” SMG4 flinched after hearing Mario say the word.

He began to back away from his words defending himself “What? We’re not boyfriends! He and I just had a misunderstanding- "On what exactly?” Meggy grinned in curiosity.

[AJ]

A honk of the bus caught everyone off guard, They all knew this moment would come sooner or later and they all had to be strong for their friend.

The crew gathered for one last hug before Smg4 stepped onto the vehicle.

He sat down and looked outside the window, seeing everyone waving him goodbye while the bus began to move.

He had one last glimpse of them, the showgrounds and Three’s Coffee shop.

He only saw for a moment, but swore that he did see Three watching him leave before going back inside.

The man in blue felt blue once again, he put on his headphones and watched some memes to make him feel better but nothing helped…

Smg4 then closed his eyes for a little while, waiting for him to reach the airport.

—--

After he was cleared for inspection, Four got on the plane earlier than expected. He should feel excited, overjoyed, and thrilled even for this wonderful opportunity yet he still feels upset.

He felt tired, he took his hat off for a breather and ran his hand through his hair. Looking at the lights and looking back down at his hat, noticing a small folded-up note inside.

Smg4 opened it up, expecting it was a fun quirky letter left behind by his friends but instead he was greeted with an old photo he took with Smg3 not so long ago, before the whole YouTube thing.

He had convinced Three at the time to take a selfie with him, Four giving his usual goofy grin while Three who was looking at the other just smiled, with his face colored with a bright tint of red.

There was also an added note written in purple ink, “I just love him and his goofy ahh smile so much” dotted with hearts.

The whole world felt like it stopped for Four, he held the picture close to face and he now knew for sure that deep down in his heart.

“I love him”

Smg4 Pov

“I love him, I do love him!” After so long I finally understood, I always felt that we were just more than friends. GOD I’ve been such an idiot, It's been so obvious this whole time!

I just love him so… but if I do love him, What the heck am I doing?

I look around me to see the plane filled up, If I do love him what am I still doing here?

This whole YouTube thing can wait, I need to see him, I need to get off the plane.

I put back the picture and wore my hat, grabbed my bag, and was determined to go after him.

Jumped out of my seat and rushed down the aisle, I could feel the stares of people I passed by but It didn't matter.

“Sir, you need to go back to your seat.” The flight attendant lady stood in my way, denying me the exit that was right there.

“But Miss-” I replied “I need to get off, I need to do something”

“I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to leave-” We felt the plane shake as it began to take off.

Oh no.

—-

3rd POV

After a long day of serving customers, 3 placed a sign on the front door saying “We’re Closed”, grabbed a broom, and cleaned up. He sighs, wondering what could have been. If he had told 4 sooner than later, Would they have been happy? Would they still have to come across this problem? But, It's too late anyway, 4 made up his mind and he has to deal with it.

Smg3 kept on sweeping and sweeping, then he heard somebody enter.

“Oi! Shops closed!” He didn’t bother facing the person, he wasn’t in the mood at all.

“3…”

He recognized that voice, it was impossible. He turned around to see if it was real.

“I got off the plane” It was Four, standing in front of him with a sincere smile.

[Liz]

Smg3 scanned the area where Four dropped his suitcase.

The suitcase tumbled to the ground with a dull thud, and it landed face down, the wheels clattering against the floor.

Three’s face contorted into a surprised expression, His partner darted forward, sprinting to embrace him and open his arms wide.

Four’s arms held tightly to SMG3’s waist, and he lifted him into the air, spinning him around quickly, with their faces beaming with joy.

SMG4 carefully lowered SMG3 back down to the floor, their reunion now complete.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been missing you for so long, you idiot…” Three said softly. They turned to look at Four, who was now facing them with a rage-filled expression.

He, however, was not so quick to forgive and forget, and he let go of SMG4’s arms. Turning around as he punched him in the face, with all of the anger and resentment he had pent up over the years. “Ow, that hurt-” “Well that’s what you get for leaving me!” Three said.

Four rubbed his cheek after the punch, his face hurting yet understanding why SMG3 reacted the way he did.

After all, he had left him without even saying goodbye, acting like a true jerk-face. “I guess I deserve that. I’m sorry I hurt you.” Four said trying to reach for his hand to mend their relationship.

Three backed his hand away from him, he couldn’t bring himself to meet Four’s gaze, avoiding eye contact with him. He started to speak, but stopped his sentence, realizing something. “You didn’t make it to the flight…?” He asked as if it had just clicked in his mind.

“I came back to tell you something…” Four replied. “To tell you how much I loved you…” He offered his hand once more, and this time, Three accepted his hand, their bodies finally close as they embraced each other.

Three’s voice rose in an upset tone as he asked, “But what about the invitation? The content creations?” Aren’t you supposed to be following your dream?”

Four gave him a soft and warm smile and replied “I decided to follow my heart, the path I want to choose. I chose you, and our other friends.” He hugged SMG3 tightly and said. “I’m sorry for leaving you…” his response surprised Three.

“So- you’re not leaving?” Three questioned with wide eyes, feeling so much relief that a smile spread across his face. Four shook his head in reply and said, “No, I’ll never leave you or anyone else. I promise.”

Three’s eyes welled up as all the emotions flooded his mind, he felt relieved and overcome with happiness.

SMG4 noticed this and quickly wiped the tears away from the man’s cheek, saying “Hey, you’re crying.”

Three gave him a laugh and replied, “I’m just glad that you came back…” He then gave the man in blue a kiss.

Four was taken aback by the sudden display of attention, he was not prepared for the display of affection that Three had recently given him just now.

Four’s eyes immediately closed as Three pulled him in for a kiss. The long, drawn-out kiss was now the end, and all that could be seen was two lovers locked in a passionate embrace.

-THE END-

#lizaluv #smg4 #smg34 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #my art #shygirl4991 #alianrepasa #itsajjena #smg3 x smg4 #smg4 x smg3

[dreamofbecoming]

hhhhh is it bad that i’m coming up with post-canon stranger things aus when i haven’t even seen the canon

#steddie #like i haven’t even bothered reading episode summaries #i’ve just been synthesizing what i think happened from fics and gifsets on tumblr #but i’ve been having Thoughts #about everything being the same (including dustin telling wayne that eddie is dead and all) #except what if he’s not dead #like what if he’s barely hanging on but they couldn’t find vitals bc they were all too panicked and tired #and it was too risky to bring his body back through with steve still injured so they left him there #but then he wakes up alone and severely injured #and it takes a couple days for el to notice that she can feel someone alive in the upside down still #(can she do that? genuinely i don’t care) #and she tears a hole and they go back for him but it’s like #god the whump potential yk?? #the trauma of surviving those days alone and nearly dead? #the horror and guilt that dustin and steve and robin and nancy feel? #the way they would all melt down every time they had to leave the room he’s in #because they left him once and it was the worst mistake any of them ever made #the way it throws steve and nancy right back to barb but worse? #the way you’d have to pry dustin off eddie with a crowbar for months #there’s just so many options!! #delicious #stranger things

[sinofwriting]

Wine - Oscar Piastri (lover verse)

Words: 977 Summary: Oscar (and Apples) go on the screaming meals podcast after everyone finds out about their marriage. Note(s): This part of the lover verse and I recommend you read the first part before this one so it makes sense. Read lover here

Taglist | Masterlist | Patreon | lover verse

“We have an Aussie on the pod today.” James says. “Indeed we do. The wonder boy himself, Oscar Piastri!” Clement continues and the three guys clap while Oscar looks behind the camera where his wife is feeling a little awkward. “Thank you for coming, Oscar. Was a bit of bitch to get you on though.” Oscar chuckles, nodding. “Just a bit. I’m glad I could make it though. I’ve been watching since the first episode.” “That’s right.” Marcus says. “I remember you texting me about it.”

“Ladies, Gentleman, you may notice we have five glasses on the table in front of us. And that is because Oscar’s wife is here as well.” “Hello!” She greets from behind the camera, sending a smile James’ way. She and the insurance broker had spent a fair amount of time together when Oscar was in F2. “She also brought the wine for today.” Clem chimes in, picking the bottle up. “Really, Apples is just trying to prove that she is the best guest to have.” He lets out a laugh seeing the label. “Ah, a bit of DR3 wine. I haven’t actually had this yet. Is it good?” He turns his head a bit to ask her, knowing that between her and Oscar she’s the one who likes wine more. She nods. “My mom loves it as well and you know her, bit of a wine snob. I also brought another one though if we get through that one a bit too quickly.” Clem makes a small noise, hand coming over his heart and he looks back at Oscar. “Mate, I might have to steal your wife.” Oscar shakes his head at the Frenchman but chuckles. He hadn’t expected the friendship between her and Clem, but it had started from their shared interest in wine and had only grown.

“Do you mind if we actually talk about you, Apples?” James asks, as Marcus takes the wine from Clem to open it. Easily passing the cork over to Clem to smell. “Not at all.” She says, reaching somewhat into frame to take the glass of wine from Marcus, giving him a quick squeeze to the hand in silent thanks after.

“So the Australian Grand Prix.” Marcus starts, handing the next glass over to Oscar, who immediately groans at the words. “I mean, what a home race.” The younger man makes a face, shifting in place as he clutches the glass of wine. “It was something.” He allows. “It was a clusterfuck, mate.” James chuckles, taking the next glass of wine from Marcus. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I mean truly.” Marcus says, passing Clem a glass who gives a silent cheer to him, before finally pouring himself a glass. “I mean, the media ran fucking wild and it was nuts.” “I was there with Clem for the F2 race and oh yeah, the media was something.” “I mean,” Oscar huffs, running a hand over his face. It had been months but still he was bothered over this. “It wasn’t like a secret y’know? Everyone in F3 and F2 knew about it. I mean obviously.” He waves a hand at three guys. “So I’m just amazed at the press and social media just not knowing it.” Clem wags a finger at the camera. “And you call yourself a journalist. Couldn’t even do basic research.” “Seriously.” Oscar says, and Marcus can’t help but laugh at how bothered Oscar is. It was a change from the usual unflappable or unbothered way he was.

“I also found out from Mrs. Piastri herself that the drivers didn’t know?” James asks. “They didn’t.” She confirms. “Well, Logan obviously did.” Marcus says, remembering how Logan had taken a weird older brother role to the Aussie couple. “But the rest didn’t? Not even Ocon? Or Alonso?” Oscar looks over at her, raising an eyebrow and she gives a shrug. “Ocon didn’t, Alonso, I mean maybe? He congratulated me after the news broke when he saw me next, but I mean it’s Alonso, who ever knows with him.” “Fair point.” James chuckles, lifting his glass a bit.

Apples watches from behind the camera for the rest of the podcast, only coming into frame once more for a refill on her glass of wine. Though she occasionally says something, fake chiding one of the boys or urging Oscar to open up a bit more, her husband still a bit too aware of the camera on him. Makes her wish she had taken that shot that Clem offered her before they started rolling, knowing that Oscar would have also had one if she had.

When they finish up, Oscar goes to move, switch to the other couch so Clem and James can sit with Marcus to film yeah g’day mate, but Marcus stills him and waves her over. She raises an eyebrow aware of the still rolling cameras but she goes over, easily sitting on the arm of the couch that Oscar is pressed against. As soon as she sits the other two are also piling onto the couch, Clem diving in between Oscar and Marcus, elbowing the Kiwi as James tries to grab the back of the French’s shirt, just barely managing to pull him up off the couch.

“Sit on the arm mate. You’re tiny enough. And budge over, Marcus.” “Why do I have to move?” Marcus asks, but slides over, knocking his and Oscar’s elbows together. “Because you're small enough to be in the middle. It’ll look weird with me.”

As the three start to bicker, Oscar leans his head against her and she runs her fingers through his hair, smiling down at him as he tilts his head backwards to look up at her. “You alright, Os?” She murmurs, Marcus’ squawk of protest surely prevents the mic from picking up her question. He nods, flashing her a smile.

@cixrosie @gemofthenight @copper-boom @boiohboii @iloveyou3000morgan @Benstormy @peachiicherries @topguncultleader @lpab

#formula 1 imagine #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri x reader #lover verse

[bratzforchris]

little!matt having a panic attack during a podcast and cg!reader helping calm him down maybe?

Relax, Baby

Summary: Anxiety can be really, really hard, but with your help, Matt knows he'll always be okay<3

Pairing: Little!Matt x gender neutral and caregiver!reader

Warnings: Panic attack

Word Count: 894

A/N: As always, age regression is a nonsexual and innocent coping mechanism. Also, I am not saying or assuming this is how Matt is irl. It's fiction. If you don't like it, don't read it :) Enjoy!

Anxiety and panic attacks had been a struggle in Matt’s life for quite some time now. He always thought too much about how people felt about him and how he was perceived, which would usually lead to him having a rather bad panic attack. You had known this going into your relationship with the boy, and together, you two had worked to find a solution that would help him heal and calm down.

When you had first suggested the idea of age regression to Matt, he had heavily refused, insisting that he didn’t need to be babied. With some gentle coaxing, you had gotten him to just try it, only for Matt to realize just how much regressing helped. Allowing someone else to take the reins for a bit, while he went back to a peaceful, childlike state, was like a breath of fresh air. Whenever he slipped into littlespace, Matt could feel the tension leaving his body, especially when he cuddled up with you. But littles were people with big emotions, and on days like today, those emotions took over everything else. 

The triplets were getting ready to film a new episode for Cut the Camera, and Matt was less than excited. Nick and Chris had been getting on his nerves all morning, calling him things like ‘Miserable Matt’ and ‘Mumble Matt’. Normally, this wouldn’t really bother him and he’d just make a joke back, but today, he’d been feeling extra anxious since the moment he’d woken up. Matt sat in his chair in front of the mic, fiddling with the stuffed flamingo he kept there for comfort. His mind was anywhere but the episode; instead, he was thinking about you upstairs in your cozy, shared bedroom. You had been disinfecting his stuffed animals when he came downstairs to film, and all he wanted was to be cuddled up in your arms again, covered up with his woodland animals blanket, paci in his mouth, and Mr. Wrinkleton in his hand. 

“God, Matt,” Nick interjected. “Are you even paying attention?”

Matt flushed scarlet, his ears and cheeks going red. “Um…what was the question?” he asked quietly, biting at his cuticles. 

“Kid can’t even remember the question,” Chris rolled his eyes. “Too busy being ‘Miserable Matt’ to pay attention.”

“I’m not being miserable,” Matt huffed. “I was just thinking.”

“About your significant other treating you like a fucking baby? Don’t think we haven’t noticed.” Chris bit back. 

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Matt hastily pushed his chair back, already sobbing and struggling to breathe. He had been on the verge of panic all morning, and now that Chris had spewed his deepest secret on camera, there was no going back. The brunette ran up the stairs, trying not to hyperventilate as he burst through the bedroom door. You looked up from the desk where you were working, glancing at Matt’s huddled form on the bed, his body shaking with tears. 

“Honey, what’s wrong? I thought you guys were filming?” You asked, checking the time on your phone as you rushed to Matt’s side. 

Matt just sobbed, his wails ricocheting around the room. His hands had moved to tangle in his hair as he hyperventilated, eyes wide with panic. You could see it in Matt’s glazed over eyes that he wasn’t fully ‘there’, whether that be from the panic or from slipping into littlespace. Either way, you knew you had to help him. You gently removed Matt’s hands from his hair as he wailed, holding them softly. 

“Matt. You are panicking. You need to breathe,” You instructed, placing one of his hands on your chest. “In for four, out for four. Copy me.”

Matt tried his best to copy you, and his cries slowly reduced to little sniffles and hiccups as he latched onto you, thumb migrating to his mouth. “Hate Chris. Hate him.” he mumbled, suckling on his thumb as his babyspace lisp made an appearance. 

“Oh sweetheart,” You cooed sadly. “Is that what’s got you so upset?”

Your boy sniffled again, laying his head down on your shoulder. “Feels sicky.”

You pouted, knowing that Matt tended to get nauseous during and after a panic attack, and especially after a fight with his brothers. You didn’t ask what had gone on between him and Chris for fear of upsetting, but you knew the conversation would need to happen eventually. You just moved towards the bed, laying down with Matt and tucking him in next to you. You handed him his water bottle and Mr. Wrinkleton off the nightstand, watching for any signs of another impending panic attack. 

“Can you drink some water, baby? Just a little?”

Matt nodded, taking a few small sips, before cuddling up with his stuffed animal. A great yawn escaped his mouth as you handed him his blue, decorated pacifier that read ‘Baby Boy’ on it. It wasn’t long before your boy was cuddled into your side, snoring softly while clutching his stuffie and suckling away on his pacifier. You knew that you would have to find out what Chris had done in order to make Matt so upset, but for now, you just focused on cuddling the sleeping baby beside you.

tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @mattsfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxyz @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @bunny-cotton @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @junnniiieee07 @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @ginswife @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @not-phone-guy @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @faygo-frog @oobleoob @runasvengence @aemrsy

note ♡: my taglist is closed for the time being, thank you so much for your support 💐🧸🎀

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt Sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo x y/n #matthew sturniolo #matthew sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo imagine #matthew bernard sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo imagines #christopher sturniolo fluff #christopher owen sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #the sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you

[parasiticjustice]

[RGG Online Translation] Character Story · Tianyou Zhao

Summary: A few years after taking over the Liumang, Zhao discovers that one of his old friends is planning a coup. A manhunt ensues, and Zhao has to use all his smarts to hunt down the instigator. Featured Characters: Tianyou Zhao Spoilers?: Nope, this is set before Yakuza: Like A Dragon and contains no spoilers for the series.  

On this episode, Zhao is a constant little shit and I’m here for it.

Admittedly this whole story feels like a rehash of his Drink Link, just with a generic in place of you-know-who, but it was still a fun read.

Usual Disclaimer: I'm coming at this with little more than crude Japanese knowledge, a machine translation cocktail, and an insatiable desire for more RGG content. This will by no means be a decent translation, but it should at least be serviceable.

------------------ CHAPTER #1 ------------------

Scene #1: Yokohama · Qing Jin

Narration: Yokohama · A trio of forces, known as the “Ijin Three”, control the town of Isezaki Ijincho from behind the scenes. This story takes place a few years after one of them, the Yokohama Liumang, had their leader replaced by Tianyou Zhao...

Zhao’s Aide: ...Sir, regarding Chen.

Zhao: Which Chen is this Chen?

Zhao’s Aide: Chen Yangming.

Zhao: [surprised] Hmm? What’s wrong with him? He get a stomach ache?

Zhao’s Aide: This is serious. For a long time, he’s been suspected of treason.

Zhao: [neutral] ...

Zhao’s Aide: He’s been acting particularly suspicious lately, so I sent out one of our spies to find out what he’s up to. As a result, we found out that they’re planning a coup with some other men from our group.

Zhao: [smirk] You sure about that? Chen wouldn’t have the guts.

Zhao’s Aide: No, it’s reliable intel.

Zhao: [neutral] Hmm...

Zhao’s Aide: ...Normally, we would nip it in the bud as soon as we discovered it. No-one else even bothered to report it. But... you and Chen go way back.

Zhao: So it’s come to this, old friend...? This isn’t good.

Zhao’s Aide: Their plan will take place tomorrow night. Please be careful.

Zhao: [smirk] ...Got it. Keep working hard.

------------------

Scene #2: Yokohama · Jinhua Restaurant

Chen Yangming: ...

Zhao: Yo, Chen. Is the beef ramen good?

Chen Yangming: Zhao...!

Zhao: You still love this place, eh? Yeah, the stir-fried water spinach is delicious. Goes great with some garlic. Oh, but you stopped eating it about two years ago. Got tired of it? Or is it for the sake of a girl~? [smirk] How is Lang Lang, by the way? She’s two years old now, right? You still keeping her an indoor cat?

Chen Yangming: ...I know you’ve been keeping tabs on me. Why don’t you just cut to the chase?

Zhao: Oh? Let’s do that, then. It looks like the old-timers have noticed your plan.

Chen Yangming: ...That’s what I thought.

Zhao: I know the raid’s happening tomorrow night. Wouldn’t it be safer for you to put down your arms now?

Chen Yangming: Your father was a cruel and harsh leader, but he was passionate about protecting our people. But what about you? You’re not fit to protect Yokohama... How could I accept you as his replacement?

Zhao: So you decided on a coup? You’ve always been too extreme.

Chen Yangming: ...Thank you for the food. I’ll leave the bill to you, Leader.

[he leaves]

Zhao: [frowns] ...Haaaah.

------------------

Scene #3: Yokohama · Chinatown

Narration: The next night...

Liumang Member: Chen’s heading your way! Don’t let him get away!

Chen Yangming: Dammit...!

Zhao: Don’t move.

Chen Yangming: Zhao...!

Zhao: I did warn you. What are you gonna do now?

Chen Yangming: Shut up... At least I can get rid of you here!

[Battle]

Zhao: [smirk] What’s wrong, Chen? You haven’t hit me once.

Chen Yangming: Shit... he keeps dodging around...

Zhao’s Aide: Stop! Chen!

Chen Yangming: ...Tch!

[he runs off]

Zhao: [surprised] Oops... he got away.

[Liumang members appear]

Zhao’s Aide: You guys go after Chen! Don’t let him get away!

[Everyone but Zhao and his aide run off]

Zhao’s Aide: Are you alright?

Zhao: [smirk] I’m good.

Zhao’s Aide: We let him slip away, but we’re mobilizing all of our men.

Zhao: Alright. Seal the entrances and exits to the city. The sewers, the river, anywhere you can get out of town. He’ll be like a rat in a maze.

Zhao’s Aide: Understood. I’ll make the arrangements.

Zhao: [smile] Guess now it’s my turn to play the part of backstabber.

------------------ CHAPTER #2 ------------------

Scene #4: Yokohama · Apartment

Liumang Man A: Hey, was that Chen bastard in there?

Liumang Man B: Nah, it was empty. Seems like he came back once and then bolted.

Liumang Man A: I see... The city’s locked down to the sewers, so Chen’s no better than a trapped rat. He’ll be hiding somewhere. You guys stay here, and when Chen comes back, grab him and kill him! No mercy for traitors!

Liumang Man B: Yes sir!

[Liumang Man A leaves]

Liumang Man B: ...We don’t need a lookout. There’s no way Chen is gonna come back here again.

Liumang Man C: Right? Still, Chen’s really done it this time. A coup d'etat is no joke.

Liumang Man B: If he gets caught, he’s manju filling for sure. Well, I can see why he doesn’t agree with the leader’s inheritance.

Zhao: Yeah, sorry about being an heir apparent. It’s not a reasonable system, is it?

Liumang Man B: L-Leader?! I’m, I’m sorry! I was just...

Zhao: Hey, it’s fine. Just be careful to watch your back when you’re complaining... This is Chen’s room, isn’t it? Did you check everything inside?

Liumang Man B: Y-Yeah. We didn’t find anything that’d tell us where he ran off to.

Zhao: Hmm... alright. You see a cat in there?

Liumang Man B: A-a cat? No, I didn’t...

Zhao: [smirk] So he took his darling cat with him then... Or?... I see. Sorry for disturbing you. Keep watching and do your best~.

[he leaves]

Liumang Man B: ...I’m glad I wasn’t used for manju filling...

------------------

Scene #5: Yokohama · Apartment

[a doorbell rings]

Stern Man: ...Yeah? Who is it?

Zhao: [smirk] Hey, Wang. I’m gonna inconvenience you for a moment~. Wooow, this is a nice apartment. Does it allow pets?

Liumang Man Wang: Oh... leader...?!

Zhao: You don’t have to call me that~. You’re one of the ones who disagreed with me taking over, aren’t you?

Liumang Man Wang: No, that’s not...

Zhao: You don’t have to hide it. I didn’t come here to grill you about that. [smirk] I’m just looking for Chen’s cat... Lang Lang, are you here~?

[cat meow]

Liumang Man Wang: ?!

Zhao: Oh, there she is~. It looked like Chen took the cat and ran, so I’ve been going around the homes of people who oppose my inheritance and have pet-friendly properties. So Wang... this is Chen’s cat, right?

Liumang Man Wang: No... it’s not. This is my cat. Here, come on Lang.

Zhao: ...Heeh, is that so? It sure does look a lot like Chen’s cat. How often do you get a pure white Persian with heterochromia?

Liumang Man Wang: ...I saw Lang Lang and wanted a cat just like her. I even gave her the same name.

Zhao: Heeeh... Ah, but that black patch of fur on her tail looks a lot like Lang Lang’s too. Let me just check that.

Liumang Man Wang: No, you don’t need to do that. It’s true that she has a black patch, just like Chen’s cat.

Zhao: ...Wow, what a coincidence. But she doesn’t actually have that sort of fur growing there, does she?

Liumang Man Wang: What?!

Zhao: I was lying just now. Lang Lang doesn’t have black fur on her tail. [smirk] Come on, Wang~. Don’t fall for such a common bluff.

Liumang Man Wang: Guh... uh... waaaah!

Zhao: [neutral] Oh, I won’t let you get away. There’s still a lot I need to ask you.

Liumang Man Wang: G-Get out of the way! You’re gonna kill me anyway...! I’ll kill you first and escaaaaape!!

[Battle]

Liumang Man Wang: Tch... How did this privileged upstart...

Zhao: [frown] Hey, that hurts. I’ve never lost a fight in my life, you know. [neutral] Anyway, now that the persuasion is over... let’s talk~. Where’s Chen? If he’s trying to run away, then he’s probably not hiding in this apartment.

Liumang Man Wang: I-I don’t know, man... Chen just told me to bring his cat to him if he managed to escape. That’s all...

Zhao: [scowl] ...You just found out that you can’t lie to me.

Liumang Man Wang: I-I’m not lying!! He really didn’t tell me anything! Please believe me!

Zhao: ...Okay then, I believe you~. You can’t afford to lie, after all. But I’ll take a look around your apartment, just in case.

[screen goes black, then returns]

Zhao: ...There’s no hidden rooms, or any sign of another person. Guess he wasn’t here after all... Well, if he was hiding in the home of someone who opposed my succession, it’d be like asking me to find him. If that’s the case, I’m certain that he left the cat here and then went to hide somewhere else.

Liumang Man Wang: Y-Yes... He said he couldn’t take Lang Lang with him, so... he told me to take good care of her. Chen knew I used to have a cat that I loved a lot, so he could trust me...

Zhao: ...Hey Wang, what are some things cats don’t like?

Liumang Man Wang: Something cats don’t like...? There’s a lot of stuff. Hot things... the sound of vacuum cleaners... Water... Some of them don’t like pungent smells. It varies from cat to cat, though.

Zhao: Pungent smells, eh?

[flashback]

Zhao: Yo, Chen. Is the beef ramen good? Yeah, the stir-fried water spinach is delicious. Goes great with some garlic. Oh, but you stopped eating it about two years ago. Got tired of it? Or is it for the sake of a girl~?

Chen Yangming: ...

Zhao: How is Lang Lang, by the way? She’s two years old now, right? You still keeping her an indoor cat?

[flashback ends]

Zhao: [smirk] I think I’ve figured it out~. Chen’s whereabouts.

Liumang Man Wang: What...?

------------------ CHAPTER #3 ------------------

Scene #6: Yokohama · Jinhua Restaurant

Zhao: One adult, please~.

Chinese Restaurant Owner: ...Please take a seat over there. Here’s your water. Once you’ve decided on your order...

Zhao: Do you remember me, pops? I was with a regular the other day, guy called Chen.

Chinese Restaurant Owner: ...Oh, you know Chen? I don’t know why, but he hasn’t been coming lately. I’ve missed his company.

Zhao: That’s right~. Chen’s a regular here, and he’s a friend of yours too, right?

Chinese Restaurant Owner: ...I wouldn’t call us friends. We just went fishing together sometimes.

Zhao: Hmmm... It’s awfully kind of you to shelter Chen from the Liumang, even though you’re not close friends.

Chinese Restaurant Owner: What? Hey, where are you going?!

Zhao: [smirk] ...Just to the toilet~. But pops, you were in an awful hurry there. Is it because... Chen’s hiding in that back room I spotted?

Chinese Restaurant Owner: ?!

Zhao: [smirk] Looks like I hit the nail on the head... Chen, why don’t you come out now? The exits are all covered, you can’t escape.

[door opens]

Chen Yangming: ...How did you know I was here?

Zhao: [neutral] Because you left Lang Lang with Wang.

Chen Yangming: ...Excuse me?

Zhao: You dote on that cat. You’d have wanted to take her with you if you could. But you didn’t, and that told me you were somewhere Lang Lang couldn’t go. Granted, there’s plenty of reasons why you might not have taken her along: safety, preference, her meowing... However, a place that’s hard for the Liumang to investigate because of their tenuous relationship; a place that Chen can trust; and a place where Lang Lang can’t go... If you think about it, the only one that fits is Jinhua. Jinhua has the scent of garlic, which Lang Lang doesn’t like.

Chen Yangming: ...So you even knew that Lang Lang doesn’t like garlic?

Zhao: No, not originally. I noticed that you stopped eating stir-fried water spinach here around the same time that you took in Lang Lang... [smirk] That’s when the lightbulb went off. Lang Lang doesn’t like garlic, so you switched to beef ramen, right?

Chen Yangming: ...Hmph, ain’t that a big deduction. Seems you’re smarter than I thought.

Zhao: [smirk] I’m a pretty capable kid, you know~.

Chen Yangming: I wasn’t expecting it. Still, for you to have used your men to cover all the exits, that’s a little naive, don’t you think?

Zhao: [neutral] Hm? What’s naive?

Chen Yangming: That you stood before me alone! I’m gonna take you hostage and flee the town!

[Battle]

Chen Yangming: W-What strength... Shit... kill me quickly. Bring in your men and make an example of me.

Zhao: [smirk] Yeah, that was a lie. I’m the only one here.

Chen Yangming: The hell...?

Zhao: [neutral] In two hours, there’ll be a five-minute gap in the watch around Kinka Bridge. If you can squeeze through that, you can escape the city. That’s all I came to say. Well, good luck.

Chen Yangming: O-Oi...! Wait a minute! Why would you tell me that...

Zhao: Anything to help.

Chen Yangming: Bullshit! I tried to kill you! What are you up to..?!

Zhao: [frown] Haah... you know, no-one likes a persistent man. I’m the leader of an organization, so I have to give them an example to follow.

Zhao: I’ve known you for a long time. Besides... As the boss’s son, everyone’s always treated me like a tumour, but you were the only one who was honest about it. [smirk] It pissed me off, but... it wasn’t all bad. 

Chen Yangming: Zhao...

Zhao: Well, it is what it is. Enjoy your second life. See ya.

[he leaves]

Chen Yangming: ...I’m sorry, Zhao...

------------------

Scene #7: Yokohama · Qing Jin

Narration: After a while...

Zhao’s Aide: ...We haven’t found any trace of Chen since then. He might have already left Japan.

Zhao: My bad. I botched the initial instructions. I’m sure he’d already left town by then. [smirk] Sorry for being such an unreliable boss. I’ll do better next time.

Zhao’s Aide: ...I’ll leave it at that.

Zhao: Hm? You say something?

Zhao’s Aide: No... not at all.

------END------ ------------------

Liumang Man Wang: Tch... How did this privileged upstart...

Wang calls Zhao a “bonbon” (ボンボン), slang for a posh/upper-class person who can’t do anything by themself, is naive to the world, etc.

The name of the restaurant is 金華. I went back and forth on whether it should be Kinka, as is the case with Kinka Bridge and Pharmacy in west Yokohama, or it should be Jinhua. Since it’s a Chinese restaurant and uses the same characters as the Chinese city, as opposed to 金花, I went with the latter.

And here’s stir-fried water spinach:

#ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku online #tianyou zhao #rgg #rggo #rgg online #yakuza #yakuza: like a dragon

[justahopelessaromantic]

It's not even light out (but you've somewhere to be)

Fandom: The Cuphead Show AU: Canon Divergence AU Ships: Cupcest (tho its written ambiguously enough you could read it as platonic too) Summary: "The moment I said it / The moment I opened my mouth / Lead in your eyelids / Bulldozed the life out of me" (An AU where Mugman doesn't allow himself to be rescued by Cuphead so easily.)

You are flickering, leisurely (Very little to do today), banging into your container every now and then. You flutter under the winds of the slamming door, knocking the points of your flames against your brick confines. They dig, into the crevices and warming the plaster.

It's so rubbery and fitting to the touch, you wonder if the only reason it doesn’t melt, giving the bricks way to toppling over and snuffing you out, is because of some enchanting property of sorts. You’ll have to ask the smiles on the floor planks if the magic comes from you or the furnace (Always good to learn about your heritage!).

By the time you upright yourself, the travelers inviting the breeze in are already hanging up their keys and comically large souvenirs on the hooks, along with their gloves.

As if the old man’s heart hasn’t suffered enough close calls.

The smiles have a tendency to lay by the radio and listen along to his shows, snapping at his loafers just to burst out into creeks and giggles as he groans, scratches, and stretches only to find his new shoe shine gnawed clean off. You scold them for wasting the nickel he must’ve spent on that and they recap each episode as if none of them caught you peeking out from your opening every once and a while (someone’s gotta make sure they don’t scuff each other up too bad). Though you’d snuff your flame before you bother to remember a single line of that “action-packed” drivel (They expect you to buy dragons that live lifetimes in forests without burning the whole place down? Preposterous!), not everything goes over your head.

Apparently (and you are paraphrasing here), once the gloves…“come off”, so to speak, “it” is, in some way or sort (again, you do want to stress that this is paraphrasing)...“going down”.

The sight of Elder Kettle’s snores flying right over their own heads, bubbling milk splattering a few of the z’s, does not assure you otherwise.

“I can’t just believe you. The gall, the absolute nerve of you to embarrass me like that!”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I’ll try for a more cordial entrance next time I save your butt from the clutches of the devil himself!”

Those last two words generate an actual blast of wind, a few straight lines indicating its direction. You sink back into the cracks of the logs for protection. Being a magical talking fireplace and all with no real ability to spread to the other room, you can only pray to whatever god or animator is listening that the storm brewing here be weak enough not to put you out.

“You know darn well that’s not what I’m talking about, young man!”

“Oh, goodness me, of course not!” The red one (26 episodes just isn’t enough time to care enough to learn their names, alright?) presses a bare hand to his chest, throwing his head over his shoulder. You’re surprised the damn thing doesn’t go flying across the room with how dramatic he’s being.

Somewhere under his breath, the blue one spits a similar sentiment through pursed lips. As always, he’s trying to keep this argument somewhat civilized, though there’s only so much prodding at the insecurities a man can take. Oh, sure, the red one can backtrack as much as he wants, insisting that those southern belle-like tendencies suit his brother “far better than any ol’ dame around these parts!”, but the blue one’s smarter than that. He knows a brotherly lie when he sees one.

If he didn’t, they wouldn’t be having this fight.

“I’m sure you’ve some perfectly reasonable reason for playing the silent treatment all the way to the fair, just to nag me with the pettiest arguments I’ve ever heard, aaaaall the way home, as if you haven’t been pulling this crap since we was stumbling around in diapers, and crushin’ each other with those toy pianos!”

“Telling you to quit risking your soul at carnival games is one of the least petty-”

“I’m sure. Absolutely, positively, sure! That you’re standing here, nagging me, instead’a planning out how much time we have to play kick the can before bedtime on your maticuleress little chart, because you-

“Actually, I believe you’ll find it's pronounced ‘meticulous’-”

“You quit changin’ the subject!”

“I am not!”

“Are too!”

“Are not!”

“Are too!”

You are unsure how much more of this you can take.

“Fine! You wanna know why I’m so furiously belligerent with you tonight-”

“Oh, here he goes, folks!” You’re hiding away in the furnace, who the hell is he talking to- “Whipping out the big boy words so he can feel so much smarter and wiser and respon-”

“It’s because you didn’t learn jack-[BLEEP]”

Silence sorta settles onto the room somewhere. You wish the fight hadn’t moved the blue one out of your sight by this point. This entire night has been a headache, and a nightmare, and a fire-extinguishing hazard, but this…

Well, you’re almost curious now.

“...But…But, I apologized, a-and everything! You saw me!”

“I saw you make a fool out of me on an impulse.” 

“You said you weren’t going back with me unless I said I was sorry and I proved to you that I learned my lesson, and I-”

“You…took my hands,” The blue one clamps both hands around the others. You wonder about when the last time they’d held hands like this, porcelain against porcelain. ”Got down on your knees,” The red one winces. The shove must’ve irritated the already blooming bruises. “And said that the day you stopped looking out for me is the day you land in hell for good!”

…

…

You suppose he must not be very strong, physically speaking. The red one looks so much more pained as he’s slighted by his own words of love and devotion.

“We were getting chased by the monster that’s been after your hide for the past…however long! And you had to go…implyin’ things!”

…

“...Things you got no right implyin’.”

…

“...That’s the part you’re worried about?” You are not buying that shaky grin. Neither is the blue one.

“...Lucifer himself, caring about that sorta thing?”

The force of the crack is enough to blow you out.

By the time their grandfather lights you again, the two are in timeout, facing the ends of the wall. The right side of the red one’s mouth is lined with a sharp crack and specks of dust.

You cannot see the blue one’s hand. You can’t see his face, either.

#cupcest #oc #fanfiction #cuphead #shipcest #mugman #cuphead show #sibcest #brother x brother #one shot #original character #outsider pov #angst #ambiguity #ambiguous #ambiguous ending #open ending #au #alternate universe #canon divergent au #canon divergence #siblings #personification #cupmug #fanfic #inspired by music #inspired by a song #ships #shipping #tabooromance

[redhead-writes]

Fight for the future

Summary: Hospital, Pelin's babies death, Seyran getting back with Ferit, fortune tellers words that were messing with her head. It all seemed too much for Suna and maybe what she needed to understand what is really important in her life. A lot of twists on episode of 58 and how I saw it going a bit differently. So here it is.

Can also read it on AO3.

Suna was disgusted by the sight in front of her. Her sister was back together with Ferit by the looks of it. Seyran said she would never get back together with him but then do this. After she humiliated her on national television, making her relive her trauma in a public space where everyone could look at her. Oh God, all this pain she suffered for her sister to run into the arms of a man that has been nothing but manipulative to her and even to Suna. Now she realized what fortune tellers words meant about letting go of the past. 

It puts other things in perspective, too. Her father wouldn’t change, her mother wouldn’t change, her sister wouldn’t change. It is her and only her that could change her own destiny, and she had help just in front of her. Suna touched Kaya's ring that he made for her. He didn’t have to tell her but she had seen sketches in their room. 

She had to find Kaya and tell how sorry she was. She has done nothing but hurt him while he had stood by her like she promised. Suna was determined now to also fullfill her part of promise. 

Suna slipped out of the hospital. She just needs to breathe fresh air and to sit alone. Finding a bench near the doors of the hospital, if someone was looking for her, they would see her. But who would look for her? 

“Suna?”asked her husband. Ask and the universe will answer. Crazy how stupid she has been these few weeks after allowing all these predictions to control her when all was in front of her. “Why are you not inside? Did something happen?”

“The baby died. Pelin also is struggling to stay alive. It was too much for me.” Suna answered Kaya who had sat down by her side. He was sitting further away from her. Their fight was still fresh even if he pulled her in close while they slept. “You and Pelin are/were friends, you should really go in and visit her. I will stay here.”

“Suna, is there something else bothering you?”

“I just…I could have been Pelin’s place and also our last fight about kids and how our marriage is unhappy.”

“You don’t have to explain it.”

“No, I really do, Kaya, I really do. And you will listen till the end like you promised me.”

“Alright!”

“When you mentioned us having a baby and leaving Turkey, it triggered me because I haven’t known anything else my whole life. Yes, I want to have children but I thought it would go as I planned. I would have them here surrounded by the family of mine but now that I saw what happened with Pelin, I am scared to have them at all with this toxicity around us.”

“That is why I suggested we move to London.”

“I know that now, but then it felt differently like you were ruining my plans. It sounds ridiculous now.”

“So why did you call our marriage unhappy?”

“Because it is. We have chemistry, passion and some kind of trust between us. But do we know each other, Kaya? Yes, you know most of my story but I don’t know much about you and you keep hiding behind walls when I hit too close to home. Husband and wife have to know each other in and out, especially in our situation to know how to help each other. Your spurts of over protectiveness and anger scares me, I know that you wouldn’t hurt me but they scare me. I want to reason behind this fear covered by anger. I want to know what you love, what you dislike, what your passion is. I want to see baby Kaya pictures. I really want to make it work but do you want to do it, too?”

“I do want to make it work, Suna. It is simply hard for me to open up because all my life I had to keep my real emotions and hurt hidden, but then you came and disarmed me in the first few minutes we met. So my over protectiveness comes from fearing that someone will steal away the only person that can see the real me.”

“I am not asking you to open straight away but an explanation after your outbursts would be nice and I will try to talk more about what goes on in my mind, too. I want to build a better home with you for our family than our parents ever tried.”

“I know we started a bit other way around in our relationship, but how about I take you on a date to the best coffee shop in Istanbul?”

“Yes, I would love to but you really should visit Pelin. I think she needs a friend besides her even for a bit.”

“Will you be okay here by yourself?”

“I was okay before you came by.”

“Then there were no mustached idiots around you.” Kaya said with his jealous streak striking once again. Innerly it made Suna prean a bit because for once she was someone's first choice and not some expandable.

“Kaya…”

The couple's nice talk was interrupted by screaming Ferit who jumped on this other guy, punching daylights out of him. Suna stood up in shock but Kaya sprung into action, pulling Ferit off the man with help of Seyrans friend. Suna has had enough of that man child and him ruining her moments with Kaya. She walked over to three men and stood in front of Ferit, slapping him with all might she has.

“Ferit Korhan, stop being a man child and bringing more disgrace to this family's name. We are in front of a hospital. Have some respect for other people for once. This is not about you. It is about Pelin fighting for her life.” 

“You have no say in this, Suna, you are no part of this family. Also why do you care about Pelin so much suddenly? You yourself attacked her a few times.”

“I may not be part of the Korhan family. Not that I really want to be, I am happily part of the Sönmez family and I quite enjoy it. But, sadly for me, my sister is still your wife. So you can count this as my last favor to her. And about Pelin, I am a woman and compassionate human being, and I know I could have been in the same situation as her. Yes, that woman is the main concern right now and when she wakes up, God give us the miracle, you all will be ready to deal with her grief. You can pour all your insults at me, it won't be the first time but you will pull your sorry arse together.”

“Sister, you can’t say that.” uttered Seyran who Suna hadn’t noticed at the start. 

“Then, Seyran, deal with your husband yourself. I don’t want my husband to help him anymore. Also his driver could have helped him, if they are such good friends. Come on, Kaya. We are leaving.”

Suna turned onto her heel, knowing her husband was following her. Once they were back inside the hospital, she took full breath and then breathed out. Kaya once again pulled her in a hug, to comfort her as usual, but he whispered in her ear: “That was quite hot, Mrs. Sönmez.” 

“This is no time and place for that, Kaya. Also you promised me a date and I am not a girl who puts out on a first date.”

“You’re gonna make me work for it?”

“I sure will and I expect the same from you.”

Still she stood up on tip toes and pressed soft kiss to his lips, whispering herself: “You getting in the middle of that mess was quite hot, too, Mr. Sönmez.”

“You stay here, I will be back soon.” 

With that Kaya left her in reception of the hospital. She needed a moment to breathe and think about what she had said. All that spilled out of her really had made her feel lighter. Like she was not keeping a stone on her own chest. She had to do this more often. She had opinions and the right to voice them like right now when Abidin stood in front of her.

“Now I am only a driver, Suna? Is this how it is going to be? Change a husband and forget who really helped you all along.”

“Don’t make me laugh, Abidin. Helped me when and where? When my father married me off to Suffet against my will and I pleaded with my eyes for you to stop it. The time when you, Seyran and Ferit promised that you would save me from that horrible house.”

“Ferit was hurt.” Abidin tried to but in, but Suna continued to talk: “Or that time when I was the one who went inside the lion's den to save Seyran. Which time exactly did you help me? Each time you promised to help me, I got worse and worse than the last time.”

“You really think that London boy will make you happy.”

“What I think is none of your business, but if you want my honest answer then yes, we will both make each other happy.”

“You don’t know anything about him. How can you be so naive?”

“We are going to change that soon. Our date awaits us, Mrs. Sönmez.” said her husband who had come back already. Kaya put his arm around her shoulders and she felt some anger disappear from her body. “Or you Abidin want to read my biography, too. Are you a hard or soft cover guy? Hmm, looks to me like a soft one. I will surely send you a copy. Then again it feels like you already know a lot more about me, don’t you?”

“And if I do?” asked Abidin, stepping forward and trying to look more menacing. Only effect it had on Kaya was him letting out a laugh and telling Abidin: “Then I better take my wife on a date and tell everything and more you could dig up about me. Pretty sure, it was hard work for you.” 

With that Kaya started walking out of the hospital and Suna followed. This time around she even didn’t glance back but muttered one thing: “This is not about gratitued. It is about being able to be more than Seyran’s oldest exposable sister.”

#kaysun #kaya sönmez #suna sönmez #suna şanli #kaya x suna #badass!suna #au #yali capkini #episode 58 reprising #My Precious

[moriihana]

we can't fix each other but we sure as hell can enable each other instead || eleven: i'm bad at mariokart but at least shigaraki is worse

pairing: dabi x disabled!gn!reader

overview: you meet dabi pre-canon because your cat, nugget, literally won’t leave the guy alone. friendship, fluff and (eventual) angst ensue.

chapter summary: you and shigaraki play some mariokart, then you guys fuck up overhaul bc he's a piece of shit and i hate him

content: angst and fluff

warnings: you scratch at your throat as an anxious habit (picked up from shig)

word count: 1749

a/n: shamelessly self-promoting MORE art i did of my self-insert but there's nugget and boo this time (i have no clue how to draw animals). also, idk how this reads bc basing things off of the actual episodes is real fuckin hard so if anyone has any feedback i'm happy to hear! also² i projected the fact i'm really bad at mariokart into this. bc uhhhhhh. im really bad at mariokart LMAOOO

*previously known as “we can’t fix each other (but we can heal our wounds together)”; i changed the title bc these assholes aint healin shit they’re just being overall menaces

taglist: @iincandescenttt

AO3 link

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“You think they’re okay?” You itched the front of your throat anxiously. “It’s been days and we haven’t heard from them.”

“Stop that,” Shigaraki snapped and paused the round of MarioKart, eyeing the blood welling up under your skin. “You always get on my ass about it, you don’t get to do it either.”

“Picked it up from you, dick,” you grumbled under your breath, but dropped your hand anyways. “But do you? Think they’re okay?”

“Whatever. They’re fine. Overhaul has probably limited their communication since we’re technically wanted criminals. Can we get back to the game now?” He huffed, scowling.

“I thought you didn’t like MarioKart and were only playing because I wanted to. I’d think you would be happy to take a break.” You shrugged.  

“We’re not only playing it because you wanted to—” Shigaraki narrowed his eyes when you grinned at his arguing. “—and anyways, it’s better than listening to you yap about. I think Dabi’s even gotten tired of listening to your anxious rambling, which is probably why he hasn’t been putting up a fuss over us playing games.”

“Actually, I think that’s because I threatened to chop his dick off,” you snickered.

“You… threatened to chop his dick off,” Shigaraki deadpanned. “Why on earth did you do that.”

“I called you by Tomura in front of him and he got all pissy. I explained you’re my best friend and gave me permission to call you Tomura, and told him no dick measuring contests—otherwise he’d find he has no dick to measure.” 

“And I thought you were less insane than the rest of them, but it’s pretty fucking crazy to threaten a man’s dick. Especially Dabi’s. ”

You barked out a laugh. “Insane or not, pretty boy wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt me. One time he accidentally burnt me and apologised for days afterwards. And he never apologises.”

“Tch.” He shook his head. “If you’re not gonna play, go bother someone else. I’m getting tired of MarioKart anyways.”

“Yeah, yeah, grumpypants.” You grabbed your cane and heaved yourself off the floor, sticking your tongue out at him. You made your way down the hall and into your room, waving to Dabi.

He looked up from his spot on the bed as you walked in, raising his eyebrows. “He kick you out?”

“Ehh, pretty much.” You stopped to scratch Boo behind the ears and give Nugget a quick pet, then plopped down next to him with a groan. “That, and I think his pride can only take so many beatings. Apparently, he’s absolute dogshit at MarioKart. Fighting games and MMOs are more his style.”

He snorted, “Why doesn’t that surprise me. He seems like the type of person to enjoy murdery games over anything else.”

“Oh, definitely.” You grinned. “I think it’s worth noting I’m awful at MarioKart. So the fact I was winning means he was really awful. ”

“I know, doll. I beat you twenty times before you gave up.”

“Don’t remind me of that!” You whined, throwing your hands into the air. “I’ve never had my ass kicked so terribly.”

“You forget I played a lot of games with Natsu. I got real damn good at shit like that.” Dabi shrugged, mischief in his eyes. 

“Still sucked.” You pouted, crossing your arms. “You could’ve gone easy on me after the first ten times! You didn’t have to keep kicking my ass!”

“Ya think I’d go easy on you, doll? We both know I’ve never been the one to go easy.” A smirk pulled at his staples. “Especially on you.”

“Oh, shut it,” you grumbled, swatting at him. “You’re so annoying.”

“And yet you still put up with me.”

“I literally couldn’t get rid of you if I tried. Not that I want to, anyways. You’re stuck with me just as much as I’m stuck with you, pretty boy.” You looked away from him when Shigaraki poked his head through the door. “What’s up, Shig?”

“Toga called. Time to go.”

You grinned, a gleam in your eyes. “Oh hell yeah.”

“Spinner, you are horrible at driving!” You yelped, hanging onto Compress’s free arm for dear life as Dabi pushed the truck doors open.

“In shogi, the point is to get the king, right?” Shigaraki spoke from atop the truck, his fingers interlocked.

“How the fuck have you not fallen off, dude?!” Your voice was sharp with anxiety.

“It’s not that simple,” Dabi drawled in response as he looked up at your leader.

“Yeah, they’re here, just like you said! To get from the Hassaikai to the nearest villain hospital, it’s fastest to use this highway. Thanks for letting us know! Toga, you’re so efficient. I’m much obliged,” Compress hummed gratefully.

“Good job Toga! Put her on speaker, Compress!” You leaned close to Compress’s phone, speaking loudly. He snorted and gently pushed you away, but put Toga on speaker nonetheless.

“Jin-kun’s the one who told me to call—”

“—fight!” 

“—I was too busy watching Izuku!”

“Run away!”

“In fact, I’m sorry to make you get your hands dirty.”

“I only have one hand, though,” Compress mused playfully. Toga’s laugh chimed through the phone.

“We couldn’t get the girl who’s the crux of their plan, but we think the finished products are where you are. We watched the police’s movements for a while, so there’s a high probability. Even if they aren’t there…”

“—kill them—”

“...we want to say hi, right?”

Compress hummed as Toga hung up. “Sounds like Twice is having a rough go of it.”

“Yeah... they did good, though. I’m proud of both of them,” you said with a smile.

“Hey, lizard! Stop weaving!” Dabi snapped over his shoulder. “I get motion sick!”

“Don’t call me “lizard”! I’m Spinner!” 

“What are you getting mad for? Shut up!” Dabi huffed, then gave you a look as you giggled. “Stop your laughing. It’s not funny.”

“You get motion sick?” You grinned at him, ignoring the glare you got in response.

“Is attacking the police really following the will of Stain, who wanted a true hero society? I’m not sure about that!”

“It’s a necessary sacrifice, Spinner. I’m counting on you to drive,” Shigaraki sighed, moving into a crouching position.

“And don’t fling us out of the back, please!” You added. “I don’t want to die just yet!”

Dabi rolled his eyes, then ignited his palm. “Now…” He grinned, and sent out a tunnel of flames. His grin faded when something stopped the fire from hitting the police cars. “What’s with him?”

“A hero! Of course there’d be one. Ugh!” Shigaraki’s voice was almost a whine. You had to suppress a teasing remark at that. “Spinner, slow down!” As the truck slowed enough to get closer to the police car, Shigaraki jumped down—then was hit in the face with a bunch of sand. The hero began to ramble on about Shigaraki's decay.

“He’s famous, huh?” Dabi sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. You patted him on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry, pretty boy. You’re just as scary as him.”

“Shigaraki is the misdirection; in other words, the decoy. Let’s go.” Compress flicked out a marble, which decompressed into a large piece of rubble. “Police car gently levitating! No trickery or devices involved.”

You snickered, then clambered onto Dabi’s back before he and Compress jumped out of the back of the truck. You hopped off and watched Dabi approach the hero that had pulled the policeman out of the transport vehicle Shigaraki caused to crash. He ignited his forearms as he loomed over the hero, a menacing smile on his face.

“That’s right. Heroes end up prioritising lives.”

“Recently, burnt corpses have been turning up one after another in various places.” The hero lowered the policeman onto the ground. 

“Oh, are people talking about me? That makes me happy,” Dabi said, voice mocking.

“Told you, pretty boy! Just as scary!” You called. Compress nudged you, shaking his head in amusement. Your playfulness turned into a scowl when you heard what the hero said next, your grip on your cane tightening.

“Have you ever thought about the feelings of those they left behind?!”

You have no idea, hero. You have no idea.

While Compress and Dabi dealt with the hero, you walked over to Shigaraki, who was standing by Overhaul’s gurney. He nodded in acknowledgement, then turned his attention back to the former yakuza.

“Who’s going to be the next leader again?” Shigaraki tilted his head, hands in his pockets.

“Did you come to kill me?” Overhaul ignored his question. His voice was resigned, devoid of emotion.

“No. I thought of what you’d hate the most. I hate you.” Shigaraki took Father off his face as Compress approached. “You’re too full of yourself.”

“Me too.” Compress removed his mask, smirking. He used a marble to take one of Overhaul’s arms.

“Oh, nice.” You grinned, nudging Compress. “I didn’t think of that.”

“There are two boxes here. Which is the finished product?” Shigaraki opened the box as he spoke. “Oh, well.”

Overhaul’s eyes widened in panic as his face twisted up in a sour expression. “Give it back.”

“You know what, Overhaul? A person who erases people’s Quirks shouldn’t depend on their own Quirk, right?” Shigaraki leaned down and gripped Overhaul’s remaining arm. You watched as the Decay began to spread upwards, your eyes lighting up in twisted satisfaction. “If I don’t cut it off, your whole body will turn to dust.” Shigaraki lifted up a knife, then paused and turned to you, raising his eyebrows in an unspoken question.

Your grin grew wider, and you took the knife. “Don’t mind if I do.” You swung the knife down, severing his forearm from his elbow.

“All right, now you’re a powerless, helpless, Quirkless man,” Shigaraki leered, a manic look on his face. “And the fruits of all that effort you spent are now mine! Now you won’t even have a finger to put in your mouth as you look on enviously at the rest of us! Let’s do our best!”

You giggled as hives spread across Overhaul’s skin, “What a pity! You shouldn’t have killed our friend and taken Compress’s arm.”

Spinner honked the horn of the truck. “Pursuers are coming! Hurry up and get in!” He shouted out the window. 

Shigaraki straightened, placed Father back onto his face, and walked back to Spinner. “Next, it’s our turn.”

You trailed after him with a pleased hum. “Revenge feels nice.” Your joy and satisfaction grew exponentially as Overhaul screamed behind you. “It feels real fuckin’ nice.”

#dabi x reader #dabi x you #todoroki touya x reader #todoroki touya x you #touya todoroki x reader #touya todoroki x you #todoroki toya x reader #todoroki toya x you #toya todoroki x reader #toya todoroki x you #my writing #bnha fanfiction #navi: we cant fix each other #writing.txt

[75-percent-ginger]

Pattison Endgame

Summary: These events take place between S2 Ep 7 and the series finale, after Allison “disappears.”

Warnings: Depressive episode, angst, some swearing, sexual content (18+).

w/c: 4200+

a/n: I wrote this the weekend before the series finale and it’s my first fanfic ever. I’ll post it on AO3 once I get off the waiting list. I’m obsessed with these two and their love story. The story goes exposition, exposition, angst, so much angst, declarations, whoa sex, end. If anyone actually reads this, I hope you enjoy!

It wasn’t until Patty crossed the state line into Maine that she started to really contemplate what she was doing and have second thoughts. Leaving Massachusetts made it real, but entering the state where Allison was living made her panicky. Her heart started beating wildly and the palms of her hands were sweaty on the wheel.  “Christ, Patty, get it together,” she muttered.    

Those first few days after “Allison’s incident” were a heady blur for Patty. She had the benefit of knowing that nothing bad had happened to Allison, but the whiplash feeling of hearing Allison say she wanted to stay—the feeling of hope, happiness, and relief blooming in Patty’s chest—made it so much more painful and raw two days later when Allison actually left without saying goodbye. She spent all of her time holed up in her house, barely clocking the parade of police and investigators that would file in and out next door. She was sure Tammy was among them, but she didn't want to deal with anyone right now, especially her recent ex. 

Despite her efforts to disappear within her house, Tammy appeared unannounced at her front door, knocking and calling out, “Patty, I know you’re home.  I just saw Neil two blocks away and he said you haven’t left the house today.” Patty knew she had to answer, but underestimated the puffiness of her eyes and overall appearance. At that point it had only been three days since Allison had disappeared, and Patty was scaring herself with how empty and despondent she felt.  She would cry and fall into an exhausted and restless sleep, obsessing over the note Allison left her. How could Allison say that Patty was better off? What did that even mean? Patty was angry and frustrated, and, during moments when she was honest with herself, completely heartbroken. 

She hadn’t looked in a mirror yet when she opened the door for Tammy, but the wide eyes and visible start that Tammy gave was a clue for Patty that she looked like shit. “Oh, ah… I’m sorry to bother you. I, um…” Tammy paused for a few seconds with her hands in her trench coat. “Look, Patty.  I’ll be honest here. I came to talk to you about Allison because I wanted to see if you knew anything more—we haven’t found any rem—uh, any sign of Allison at the bottom of that cliff, but our crew is working through some really thick vegetation. Our resources to dedicate to this run out after today. I was wondering if you may have any more information about how Allison was feeling, or if she said anything that indicated she maybe wanted to run away?” Tammy paused there, probably to see what Patty would say, but Patty couldn’t summon the energy to say anything. “Ok, well. I do know how much this is affecting you. I know what close friends you are”—Patty was together enough to hear the sharpness in how Tammy said ‘friends’—“and I’m not here to interrogate you or anything. I thought that maybe you knew something about this, but now that I’m looking at you I don’t think that any more. I’m sorry. Please take care of yourself, Patty.” And with that she was gone.

After the initial few days, Patty tried to resume a normal life, returning to the salon and reading books on her couch, but none of it felt normal. Patty waited patiently to wake up one day and feel like there wasn’t a suffocating weight on her chest, but after two solid months of dragging that heaviness around with her, she found herself outside of Sam’s café. She tucked herself into a corner booth and ordered a ham and cheese sandwich and a water from a disinterested waitress. “Allison’s replacement?” she idly wondered. Patty scanned the front area for Sam, and as he buzzed around the register looking busy, she waited until he started for the back to approach. “Hey, Sam?” she asked tentatively. “Oh, hi Patty.  How are you?” he replied, pleasantly. Patty didn’t want to make small talk and also couldn’t honestly answer that question without making the conversation uncomfortable. “I am terrible and it’s a chore to leave my house every day” isn’t the kind of honest conversation you start when you’re about to ask somebody for something. Instead she decided to tell him a half-truth. “Well, I’m having a tough time with the uncertainty of knowing if Allison is okay.” There. That was definitely true. Sam didn’t need to know how consumed she was by the question of why Allison left, and why she thought it would be best for Patty if she did. “I know you said that night that you didn’t really know where she went, but did she give you any idea at all?” Sam looked at her, contemplating his answer. “I don’t know, Patty…” he said, with a half shake of his head. Patty could tell she was losing him so she spoke her other truth. “A couple days before she left, she told me she wanted to stay, and I told her that I wanted her to. I don’t know what changed in those two days, but I’m worried that she’s either in trouble, or maybe I did something and didn’t realize…”

Patty stopped talking abruptly as all of the emotions of the past two months came flying up to the surface with her words. It took all of her strength not to break down in front of Sam, and he could see the struggle and the toll written on her face. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he said, grabbing a pitcher of water and filling a glass from the bartop, and thrusting it at her. “Here you go.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, before making a silent decision with a slight nod. “She told me she was probably going to stay in New England, at least for a while.  But that’s really all I know.” Patty exhaled.  “Ok, Sam. Thank you.” As she walked out of the bar she felt lighter for the first time since Allison disappeared. She had a name, and she had a direction. She could work with that.  

The lightness lasted for about two hours.  As soon as she got home from the café with Sam, she put her plan into place—she was going to call every law office in New England and ask to speak to “Gertrude Fronch.” It wasn’t foolproof.  Obviously Allison could be doing anything, but Patty had a hunch that she was trying her hand at being a paralegal again, as one final “fuck you” to Kevin.  She started with Vermont, since Allison probably didn’t stay in Massachusetts, and Rhode Island was too close, and Connecticut was basically a suburb of New York. Patty had a hunch that Allison ended up in one of the northern New England states, and she started her phone calls with that same confidence. It began to wane about twenty calls in. If someone called the salon asking for a name she didn’t recognize, she would yell out “Wrong number!” and hang up immediately. It would be five seconds, tops. But these law firms, wow. They couldn’t just say hello, it was always “Thank you for calling the law offices of Larry, Moe, and Curley, how may I direct your call?” And when she asked for Gertrude Fronch, the person on the other end would be way too helpful. “Oh, there’s no one here by that name that I’m aware of but let me take down your name and number in case we just hired her.” Or “I don’t believe she works here but we would love to be of assistance if you can explain why you are calling.” It was an entire song and dance conversation with these people, and it was exhausting. Also, there were way more law firms in New England than she thought! “Yeah, a lot of low level drug dealers that need lawyers,” a little voice in her head teased, sounding just like Allison. “Excuse me, but I am in pain management,” she thought with a smile.  God, now she was talking to herself. 

After that first day, Patty limited herself to no more than an hour a day making calls. A week later, she was questioning her entire strategy as Vermont and New Hampshire garnered absolutely nothing for her efforts.  She was almost through Maine, and that weighty feeling was back each day, when she called an office in what seemed to be a small town in the upper reaches of the state. “Good afternoon, Law Office of Haggarty and Sons, this is Cheryl, how can I help you?” “Hi,” Patty responded, already mentally deciding that this would be her last call of the day, “can I speak to Gertrude Fronch?” “Oh, Trudy?” the woman responded. “Sure, one sec, she just walked through here.” Patty dropped the phone like it was burning and then in a panic picked it up and started slamming the button to end the call. She disconnected and collapsed on the couch with her hand over her mouth. She hadn’t expected at this point to actually locate Allison, and certainly wasn’t prepared to talk to her over the phone. “Oh my God,” she whispered, even though she was alone in the house. “I found her.” 

It was easier than she thought to ask Diane to borrow her car. Diane had been spending some time with Neil since Allison disappeared and Patty had to admit it was good for her brother. He was spending way less time with Kevin after the initial first few days after the cops came to Kevin’s door with Allison’s backpack and grim looks, when Kevin demanded attention and catering at a level even beyond his typical self-involved narcissism. Patty begrudgingly understood up to a point that Kevin believed Allison was missing or dead, but when Kevin started going to the bars and using the “my wife went missing and could be DEAD! Or MURDERED! Or EATEN BY A BEAR!” to get free drinks from sympathetic regulars and attention from women, all within a week of her disappearance, Patty lost all sympathy. Kevin was who he was and she couldn’t spend any more mental energy on him. Luckily Neil seemed to reach the same conclusion. He was going off with Diane every couple of days and was vague about what he was doing, but she followed them once to the local Unitarian church where she was pretty sure they had AA meetings. Patty didn’t want to pry but just hoped against hope that he continued on the path he was on and didn’t give in to the black hole that was Kevin ever again. When Patty approached Diane, her cover story was that she needed the car for a couple days for an hairstylist conference in Hartford. Diane regarded her for a moment and pursed her lips. “I imagine this conference is pretty important to you?” “It is,” Patty answered. “Kind of a future defining conference kinda thing.” “Hmm,” Diane responded, thoughtfully. “And you’ll fill the gas back up when you bring it back?” 

And now Patty was getting sweat all over Diane’s steering wheel as she tried to stave off an impending panic attack on I-95. She pulled off the highway into a podunk gas station and splashed cold water on her face in the grimy bathroom. She had been so focused on her plan to find Allison that she never really thought about what would happen if she did. How would Allison react to Patty just showing up out of the blue? What would Patty say to her? What if Allison’s new life made her happy? The pit in Patty’s stomach twirled around in a pirouette at that thought. Patty was miserable, but Allison had done what she wanted to do and escaped Kevin. She had to be happy, at least mostly. Maybe completely. Patty still didn’t understand how Allison could sit on the couch next to her and tell her she wanted to stay and then leave without saying a word, just a note with “You’re better off.” Patty dug her nails into her palms and closed her eyes. She didn’t come all this way to turn around now. She was scared and she hated the feeling, but she was going to get answers, no matter how painful they may be to hear. 

Some hours later, Patty was sitting outside Haggarty and Sons law firm in Orono, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible slouched in the front seat with her eyes widening with every person that walked out the front door. It was approaching five o’clock but no sign of Allison yet. Patty sat up slightly as the door opened again. “No, that’s a brunette,” Patty thought with disappointment until her breath caught as she noticed the tell-tale hands shoved in the pockets of a winter coat and unmistakable gait of Allison McRoberts. “Of course she looks great with brown hair too,” Patty thought as she hurriedly started the car. As Allison pulled out of the parking lot in a nondescript gray sedan, Patty followed at a safe distance several miles to a cute neighborhood backing up to the woods with similar looking townhouses in varying colors. She watched Allison get out of her car and enter one of the middle units, and could see a light go on through the drawn curtains. Her heart was slamming in her chest. “Now or never, O’Connor,” she said aloud. She turned the car off decisively and got out of the car in a hurry. She closed the distance to Allison’s house feeling her heart pound with every step. She found herself in front of Allison’s door, and felt herself knocking with a slow “Thwock…thwock…thwock.” She heard footsteps and focused on the door handle turning. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Anyone on the outside would say that Trudy Fronch was settling well into Orono. It was a college town so the locals were used to transplants more than one would expect in northern Maine. She found a job pretty quickly in a family-run law firm with Bob Haggarty and two of his boys (the third boy had a little problem and dropped out of law school, the locals would say as they tapped the side of their noses and made sniffing sounds). On Sundays you could usually find her at a cafe near the university at a table eating a scone and reading a book, early enough so the hungover college students weren’t up yet and dragging themselves in for brunch. She lived in the Stillwater Village townhomes and as far as anyone knew seemed to be single. The only thing people really knew was that she had been from Massachusetts at some point in her life—no hiding that accent. She kind of winced when you asked her, though, and Mainers don’t pry into anyone’s business who doesn’t want to be pried into, so by all accounts Trudy Fronch was fitting in well and only slightly mysterious. 

Allison McRoberts worked hard to appear as nondescript as possible in Orono and knew that even with some mild interest from her neighbors, coworkers, and locals, for the most part it was working. It was all an act, of course. She went to her job at the law firm and found some comfort in her paralegal work. It was interesting and it felt good to be employed. But there was no joy in it. She smiled and made small talk and ate cake at Bob’s birthday celebration and there was emptiness behind all of it for her. On Sundays she would go to the cafe and pick at a scone and stare at the same three lines in her book as her mind wandered.

There was a relief in her freedom from Kevin, of course, but it was outweighed by the loss of Patty. It was a different loneliness than the years she spent facing every day in her miserable marriage, but the ache of it was constant. So many times she would think of something she couldn’t wait to tell Patty and  immediately realize that she couldn’t share anything with Patty ever again. She constantly felt like she was on the verge of tears. She would close her eyes and think about the comfort of sitting on Patty’s porch with her, even in silence. She thought about what Patty would say when the only decorative touch she made in her townhouse so far was a Barbie doll still in its case, propped on the counter in her kitchen. She could picture Patty smirking, “Nice touch, Allison, but maybe a little too on the nose?” She smiled at what she would say to Patty in response, as innocently as possible- “Oh, Trudy made that choice. I would have put up a sign that says ‘Live, Laugh, Love.’” She thought about Patty all the time. Not having her next door was torture. She hadn’t wanted to leave, but it was the only way to ensure Patty wouldn’t get caught up in the plan she had put into motion and dragged Patty into. Also, she had to admit, both Neil and Tammy were in her head about her negative effect on Patty. She felt a little thrill when she first heard Patty tell her with a tipsy laugh that Tammy thought she was a bad influence on her. But then Neil said that Patty was so different since they started hanging out—that she was worse. Allison felt defensive when he said it, but it stayed in the back of her mind. She was the one who got Patty involved in all of the illegal shit she did as she planned to kill Kevin. She had put Patty at risk, and as Tammy closed in on the truth, Allison couldn’t keep doing it. She didn’t care much if she was caught, but she would never get over it or forgive herself if Patty was. She had to leave. She had to. 

The actual act of disappearing had been easy once she realized that she had to do it. She told Pete and Kevin she was going on a hike, and then dropped her backpack just off the trail before a huge drop off that ended in thick trees, brambles, and rocks. She doubled back, put her hair up in a hat, and called a cab to take her to the the train station in Providence. From there she bounced around like a pinball machine—train to New York City, bus to Albany, different bus line to Burlington, and then finally a rental car to Maine. She found her townhouse online and her paralegal job within a week. It was all easy, except for the part where she had to exist in this new life, without the person she cared most about in this world. Without the person she loved. 

It had been a typical Tuesday at the law firm and Allison was home deciding between chicken cacciatore or spaghetti and meatballs when there was a slow, steady knock at the door. She was immediately nervous. It had only been a little over two months and as easy as the disappearance had been she knew she wasn’t ever going to be truly in the clear.  She half expected to see a police officer, or Tammy, or hell, even Kevin, show up on her doorstep at any point. “It’s probably just a neighbor,” she thought as she approached the door and took a deep breath as she turned the door handle and pulled the door open.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Patty took in Allison’s new hair first, even though she had already seen it. The brown locks framed her face perfectly—a face that had gone wide-eyed and open-mouthed upon seeing Patty standing there. “Hi, Trudy,” Patty managed. Allison broke into a smile that flooded Patty with relief as she was able to let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in. “Oh my God, Patty!” Allison exclaimed. “Come in!” Patty stepped into the entryway with the kitchen directly to her left. She noticed a plastic case with a Barbie leaning against the wall on the counter. She raised her eyebrow at Allison. “Oh, yeah, that’s just an idea that I had and um, it’s like kind of a memory and a joke and um…” Allison stammered and trailed off with a quick shake of her head and a gesture with her hand. Patty had to bite her lip at Allison’s awkwardness. It was comforting and grounding to know that Allison hadn’t lost any of it with her new persona. 

“Wait,” said Allison, suddenly. “How did you find me?” Patty watched as the fear dawned on Allison’s face she and spoke quickly to reassure her. “Don’t worry, I’m the only one who knows where you are. The police officially labeled you a missing person but they aren’t looking for you anymore. I think Tammy’s suspicious, but she doesn’t think I know where you are. The last time I spoke to her, I didn’t. She has no reason to come looking for you.” Allison breathed a sigh of relief. “And Kevin?” Patty hesitated. “Well, at this point he’s mainly pissed he has to wait five years to declare you legally dead and collect insurance. I’ve also seen the same girl around your house lately so I think he had a pretty quick grieving period.” Allison nodded. “To be expected, honestly,” she said with a shrug.

There was silence for a moment. Then Allison asked, “So how did you know where I was?” Now Patty felt awkward. “Well, I had your name of course. And then Sam was able to tell me you were probably somewhere in New England.” She hesitated and then said in a rush, “So I knew you liked the paralegal thing before Kevin messed it up for you so I had a hunch and I started calling all the law firms in a few states asking for you and then I found you at the place you were today.” She paused without looking at Allison and then added, “It wasn’t a big deal,” with what she hoped was nonchalance. Patty snuck a look at Allison, who was staring at her. “Wow,” she said softly. “You really know me, don’t you?” 

Something seized in Patty with that question. “I mean, I thought I knew you, Allison. But you told me you wanted to stay, you made me believe that you wanted to stay, and then you just…. And the note you left for me said I was better off? How could you think that? How could you possibly…” Patty pressed her lips together hard to cut her question off as the emotions of the last two months and being here in front of Allison now threatened to break her wide open. She didn’t know if she wanted to break down in sobs or yell, but she felt like she was teetering on the edge of losing it completely. She hated this vulnerability. She hated it. Allison was the only person in this  world that could make her feel this exposed. Allison, who was—Patty looked at the other woman’s trembling lower lip and realized with incredulity that Allison was also on the verge of losing it. “I’m sorry, Patty,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry but it was the only way to keep you safe and I was ruining you anyway and I couldn’t keep doing that to you, so I had to leave, and—“ Allison put her hands up to her face and started to cry.

Patty’s instinct was to go to Allison and comfort her, but then part of what Allison had said hit her and she stopped with her hand on Allison’s arm. “What do you mean you were ruining me?” Allison sniffed and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. “It’s just some of the stuff Tammy said when she had the video of you in Vermont, when she knew that I was the one who got you into the situation. And Neil! Neil said how different you were once we started hanging out and I just started thinking about all of the risky situations I put you in and that if he saw it and Tammy saw it, it must be true.” “Oh Allison,” Patty sighed. “You listened to my jealous girlfriend and my idiot brother? I was beside you in Vermont because I chose that. You didn’t force me into doing anything. I’ve been alongside you every step of the way because I wanted to be. And of course I was different after we became friends—Neil was used to me being miserable!” Allison looked at her hopefully. “Are you sure? You mean that?” Patty was suddenly aware of their physical proximity. She cleared her throat and took a half step back. “I am. But there’s one more thing I was wondering.” Allison gave her a quick nod. “The night you told me you wanted to stay, you never answered why. You had gone through so much to disappear and be done with Kevin, so why did you change your mind?“ Patty didn’t realize until she asked the question how much she needed to hear the answer. There was a little beacon of hope rising within her that bloomed as she waited for Allison to respond, scarcely daring to breathe. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Allison had run the gamut of emotions since opening the door and seeing Patty standing there. Joy and excitement at first, then fear when she thought she may have been discovered. The worst was seeing the obvious hurt on Patty’s face when she asked why Allison had left. It was overwhelming to Allison that she had done anything to hurt Patty that badly. And for what? She had wanted to stay, but thought she was doing the right thing by leaving.  But here now, in front of Patty, feeling the intensity of her gaze as she asked why Allison had wanted to stay, Allison knew what a mistake it had been to go. And now she had a second chance. A chance to be honest and to repair the damage. 

With her heart thrumming in her chest, Allison spoke her truth: “I wanted to stay because of you.” Allison watched Patty’s eyes widen and it was just enough for her to summon the courage to keep speaking.  “My feelings for you made me want to stay.  This isn’t just a friendship for me, not anymore. And you are my best friend, Patty, you’re the best person I’ve ever known, but I’ve recently discovered that I am absolutely in love with you, and it’s so much more than friendship, for me.” She paused with her head down, hardly daring to look up at Patty, until Patty spoke.

“Allison….I….I’ve been in love with you this entire time.” Patty raised her shoulders with her palms up, tilting her head. “I’m so sorry I spent fifteen years ignoring you. When you left I felt like I deserved it for refusing to see you or know you for so long, and—“ Patty’s words caught in her throat. Allison closed the small distance between them and brushed Patty’s hair back off her shoulders. She used both hands to cup the sides of Patty’s face and traced her thumbs back and forth against her cheekbones. When she met Patty’s lips with an intensity that even she wasn’t expecting, Patty responded with an equal hunger. She tasted of the mint gum she had no doubt chewed in the car after her last menthol. Allison noticed how expertly Patty wielded her tongue and the implications of that sent a shiver of desire up Allison’s spine. Allison had never felt the kind of certainty that she felt in this moment with Patty with anyone else—that she was exactly where she should be, doing exactly what she should be doing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patty hoped she would remember to keep breathing through the kiss. From the moment Allison had said she wanted to stay for her, that she was in love with her it felt like she was going to float away like a balloon in the wind. Was she breathing? Maybe she had died. Maybe she had been in a car accident on the way up to Maine and this was a coma dream. But her lips were responding to Allison (Allison! Kissing her!) and the rush of blood throughout her body let her know that she was very much present and alive. Then Allison made a noise against Patty’s lips that was between a sigh and a hum, and it was like every fantasy that Patty barely allowed herself to have for months burst free in her mind and almost made her gasp with the desire to take Allison right there in the kitchen.

Allison clearly felt the charge pulsing through Patty since she broke the kiss off for a second and looked at her in a way that gave Patty no hesitation about what to do next. She gripped Allison’s hips and moved her back against the kitchen counter, pinning her with her body. She traced light kisses down Allison’s jawline to her neck as Allison tilted her head and made a “Mmmmm” sound. Then with a sudden movement Patty put her hands on Allison’s round bottom and lifted her up onto the countertop. Allison had worn a skirt to work that day and it was riding up as Patty positioned herself between her legs. “Allison, I need to you tell me—“ “Yes,” Allison interrupted, breathing hard. “I want you to do anything and everything you want to me.” Patty didn’t need to hear it twice. She moved her hand up the smooth skin of Allison’s inner thigh until her fingers found panties. She used her thumb to circle the telltale wetness as Allison gave a sharp intake of breath. Patty slowly moved the panties to the side and purposely refrained from allowing her fingertips to make anything more than the barest contact with the part of Allison that was now moving insistently toward her touch. She shook her head at Allison with a smirk on her face. “You said I could do anything and everything I wanted. And I want to make sure you never forget this experience.”

“Don’t worry,” Allison responded shakily, “already one for the books!” Patty smirked again and got back to work, pulling Allison’s panties down and off her legs in one motion and then using her right hand to sneak under Allison’s sweater and push her bra up and off her breasts. Allison hurriedly took the sweater off and threw it to the side as Patty unhooked the rest of her bra and cupped her breasts while alternating kisses on her neck and nipples. “That feels so good,” Allison murmured. “Wait until you see what’s next,” Patty responded. “Lean back.” Patty dipped her head down and flicked her tongue at the place on Allison she knew would get a response. She wasn’t disappointed. Allison jerked like she had been zapped by a charge of electricity and let out an “Oh!” Patty pressed forward, her tongue alternating pressure and speed based on Allison’s increasingly loud and demonstrative reactions. At one point Patty thought she heard Allison saying “I knew it, I knew it.” She lifted her head with a “Hmm?” but Allison could no longer hold a conversation. Patty let Allison twist a hand in her hair and shove her head back down. Seconds later Allison arched the small of her back and drove her heels into Patty’s shoulder blades and as she shuddered from the waves of pleasure coursing through her body she came calling Patty’s name over and over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Allison could trust her legs to support her, she slid off the counter and took Patty’s hand with one word: “Bedroom.” Patty gave her a look that was a mixture of interest and arousal that set Allison’s heart into arrhythmia. They crossed the threshold as Allison shed her skirt, the only remaining article of clothing she was wearing, and she focused on pulling layers off of Patty while kissing her greedily. When Patty was as naked as she was, Allison pushed her back on the bed and straddled her, feeling the heat emanating from between Patty’s legs and feeling a thrill looking down at Patty’s porcelain skin and soft, heavy breasts. She leaned down and kissed Patty more slowly, letting her hair drape around her face. “Want me to tell you what I like?” Patty asked.

But it had been 15 years of Allison being responsible for her own orgasms in moments when Kevin wasn’t home or definitely asleep, and she had learned a few things about her body in that time. She figured the things that she liked may be the things that worked for Patty too, so instead she said “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like, but right now I’m in charge.” Patty couldn’t hide a smile, but as Allison slipped her fingers down and found Patty slick and ready, the smile turned into a little gasp as Allison entered her with two fingers and began slowly penetrating her, curling her fingers each time on the way out and going faster and with more urgency in response to Patty’s increasing moans. Allison only slowed down to adjust her position and introduce her tongue, tentatively at first as she tried to remember everything that Patty had done to her just minutes before, but with increasing confidence as Patty’s legs pulled taut around Allison’s head and her breath came loud and quick. Allison slipped a third finger into Patty and was immediately rewarded with a full body spasm as Patty panted “Jesus….Christ….Allison!” and then came with an intensity that left her quivering and unable to form any more words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few hours passed in bliss as they dozed in each other’s arms. At some point in the middle of the night Allison noticed Patty was awake too and quietly asked, “When do you need to go back to Worcester?” “Well,” Patty responded, “considering I borrowed Diane’s car to get here and told her I’d be gone for two days, it has to be tomorrow.” Allison made a noncommittal “Hmm,” and propped herself up on her elbow, looking at Patty. “What do you think about coming back up here this weekend? I have enough money for you to rent a car.” Patty smiled. “I think I can work that into my schedule.” Allison smiled too. It was funny how quickly life could change. She had been facing a future without Patty when she had woken up the day before. Now Patty was in her bed, they had told each other how they felt, and the possibilities before them seemed endless.

“Patty?” Allison asked. “Mm?” was the sleepy response. “When you come back this weekend, maybe we can go see a movie?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#pattison #allison x patty #allison mcroberts #patty o'connor #kcfh #fanfic

[highly-opinionated-nerd]

Read in 2023:

Seven Against Thebes, and The Persians (~525-456 BCE), by Aeschylus- his works were surprisingly fun to read!

Strip Tease (1993), by Carl Hiassen- I grew up in Central Florida, so of course I’m a fan of Hiaasen’s. My first time reading one of his adult works- I enjoyed it! There was only one glaring moment of ‘female character poorly written by a man’, for the most part it was fine, haha

The Bacchae and Other Plays (484-406 BCE), by Euripides- the Bacchae was my favorite, because the women-hating man got ripped to shreds at the end! But they were all interesting I have many thoughts about all of it

Ven Polypheme novels 1-3 (2014), by Elizabeth Haydon- absolutely delightful, love the world building and the way she talks about magic.

Homestuck (200-2016)- my 4th or 5th reread I think? and I still haven’t read Rose’s sburb walkthrough. This is so lame but I got great entertainment from reading out loud to myself, using character voices.

Ouran High School Host Club (2002), by Bisco Hatori- also one of many rereads. It’s one of the first manga I ever read. My family moved states when I was in high school, and the library where we ended up didn’t have the last couple volumes for me to finish the series...so I bought the box set, haha! No idea where I got the money for that at age 16. I kept catching myself smiling while reading. I’m still madly in love with Mori.

Tiger, Tiger (2018-present), by Petra Erika Nordlund- I used to read a ton of webcomics all the time, but I stopped for some reason. Most of the ones I’d been following ended and I never bothered to start new ones, I guess. While I was in the process of moving and all my books were packed seemed like a good time to start a new one. And I was not disappointed. The art? Awe-inspiring. The story? Delightful. There are a lot of really good names, too. If you’re insane about names, like me, just know, there’s a dude named Rakkatak. Highly, highly recommend.

Treasure Island (1883), by Robert Louis Stevenson- quick read, and highly enjoyable! GOD I love pirate stories. Treasure PLANET has long been a favorite of mine, but this was my first time reading the original. The line towards the end ‘I think we were all pleased to be so cheaply quit of him’ will stick with me as a succinct summary of the differences between the two tellings, I think.

Shadow Raiders (2012), a novel by Margaret Weis and Robert Krammes- I picked this one up at a book sale because it had a dragon on the cover. It is a completely unnecessary 700 pages long, and it doesn’t even end at the end, it’s part of a series! It took a long time to get into it, but the part in the middle where the two main story lines converged and there was a big battle was very compelling. Then it got slow again immediately after. I like the concept and worldbuilding, I have mixed feelings about the storytelling, and I have serious doubt that the characters were written to their fullest potential. Not sure if I’m gonna go looking for the rest of the series, hmmmm

Sakana (2010-present), by Mad Rupert- longtime favorite webcomic started updating again after a long hiatus, so I did a reread so I’d be refreshed and ready for new pages. God, I love Sakana, Sakana is so good

Metamorphoses (8 CE), by Ovid- took a little bit of a hiatus in the middle of this one but I finished it! I still have a hard time believing that this work is considered a comedy- there’s a lot of individual tragedies on parade here if you ask me. But it was an interesting read, I liked it

Holes (1998), by Louis Sachar- first reread in (checks watch) 16 years. I’ve thought about this book a lot ever since first reading it in fifth grade. I saw it at Target one day and it was in my basket before I could even blink. I still love it, I couldn’t put it down. Finished it in like 3 sittings.

Wayne Family Adventures vol. 1 (2021), by CRC Payne and Starbite- love, love, love the art style and all the colors. The individual episodes themselves were very short but still highly entertaining, fun quick read.

Darth Bane trilogy (2006-2009), by Drew Karpyshyn- to say I was obsessed with reading Star Wars books as a kid would be a grave understatement. Before I had a personality, I had Star Wars. Now that I’m an adult and building up my own book collection, I’ve been slowly bringing a few back into my life. The Bane books truly captured my imagination when I was younger, and I still love them so unbelievably much. I could go on all day about outwardly opposing philosophies and Force specialties and the way wielding power changes and harms you and, and, and... not quite done yet, so this series’ll be finished up in 2024!

#recommendation #I'm so glad to be reading again #I stopped for a long while! #but starting again has been one of the best things I've done for myself in my adult life! #Tiger Tiger author is here on tumblr @pepurika #Sakana author is here too @mynameismad or @sakana-comic

[madame-wilsonn]

Solace

Summary: Tommy is in pain but his wife is here to help him get through it

A/N: okay this is something I’ve wanted to write for a while, I’ve rewatched some the last episodes of s4 and this is kind of a continuation of this scene (the last minute of the video). It’s a scene I love, Cillian’s acting is just phenomenal and yeah very sad Tommy means Anna has to write something to fix it 😌✨ if you haven’t watched it yet, don’t worry, there aren’t any spoilers in this! I really hope you all enjoy! 🥰

Warnings: ANGST but with a semi fluff ending, mention of blood, ptsd and a very sad Tommy 🥺 also English isn’t my first language

You sat in front of your piano, slowly reading through the sheet in front of you as your fingers reached for the right keys when Frances rushed inside the room.

« Mrs. Shelby, I’m sorry to bother you but… » 

Although she was looking at you, you noticed she was fiddling with her fingers nervously. Clearly, something was upsetting her so you offered her a gentle smile and spoke softly, hoping this would appease her.

« It’s alright, Frances. What’s going on? »

« It’s-It’s Mr. Shelby, he… »

Your maid’s worried voice was interrupted by a loud crash resonating in the whole house and you closed your eyes, sighing. You approached Frances and, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder, you told her you would take care of it.

You left the room in a hurry, you heart pounding in your chest, worry spreading in your body, your mind racing. By the time you arrived in front of the parlor, you had to stop and remind yourself to breathe.

Tommy had had an awful time enjoying the long vacation his family had decided to grant him. Even if most people would’ve been thrilled to be away from work, it wasn’t the same for your husband. Besides you, his work was the only thing that could keep his mind away from his dark thoughts and with all the recent events, being away from work only meant drowning in other troubles. And because it was the first time since he came back from France he didn’t have anything to worry about, his mind would often slip and lead him in the darkest depths of death, war and other buried memories.

When you pushed the slightly opened door, you realized how bad it was this time. You were welcomed by the intoxicating smell of alcohol mixed with tobacco in a dark room, where only a beam of light came through the closed blinds. Tommy was on the ground, surrounded with bottles of gin and whiskey, shattered right next to him.

You crouched down in font of him, reaching for his hand to help him up but he moved back abruptly, knocking his back against the wooden desk. He managed to put himself on his feet, almost falling again but he clung onto the furniture behind him.

« Tom? » you called out softly

You took one step towards him, slowly, as if you were approaching a scared animal.

« I’m fine. » he slurred, his voice raw.

Taking a closer look, you noticed the blood on his forearms and the redness of his cheeks. Your heart clenched in your chest but you knew you had to show a strong face if you wanted to get him through the night. 

He was still a bit far from you so you took another step forward, carefully avoiding all the glass pieces on the carpet. You extended your hands slowly, expecting him to react like before but he didn’t budge so you gently took his bloodied hands in yours and guided him to the nearest couch. You reached for one of the only bottles in the cabinet and grabbed the napkin Frances had left next to the now cold dinner. You poured some gin on the cloth but before cleaning your husband’s wounds, you warned him gently:

« It might sting a bit »

Of course he was all too familiar with the feeling of alcohol being rubbed into a wound but you didn’t want to startle him. He didn’t even nod, he only kept staring at your hands, incapable of looking at you in the eyes. When you made sure his arms were clean, you began taking out the small shards of glass with your fingers. Thankfully, the cuts weren’t deep enough to require stitches and the shards of glass were big enough for you to grab them with your hands.

You rubbed your thumb along his hand, soothingly and asked:

« Where does it hurt, love? »

You both knew you weren’t talking about physical injuries but over the years of being married to him, you had realized in some moments, it was easier to guide him with questions rather than let him explain himself alone.

He stayed quiet for a while, you thought he might have not heard you but before you could speak again, he mumbled a small « everywhere » before his shoulders began shaking and a sob escaped his lips. You didn’t even think before bringing his body closer to yours, you hugged him with one hand in his hair and the other movie up and down on his back. For a second, you wondered if he could hear your heart breaking in your chest because seeing him like this, so broken and in so much pain shattered it. The only thing you wanted for him was to see him genuinely happy and it seemed like he was getting further away from happiness as each day passed.

Tommy kept a tight grasp on your waist, your body like a lifebelt keeping him away from drowning into his demons.

You didn’t move until his body stopped trembling. You stayed quiet, giving him the time he needed to calm down, your hands still around him, offering him a never ceasing support. 

After a while, you couldn’t say how much time had passed since you came in the room but you felt the exhaustion washing over Tommy’s body. You gently squeezed his shoulder, dropping a kiss on his temple.

“Let’s get you to bed, yeah?”

He didn’t answer but he didn’t object either so you took this as a sign and got up first, then you helped him up as well. You kept an arm around his waist as he wrapped his around your shoulders to keep his balance. 

Finally, you reached your shared bedroom. You briefly let go of Tommy and took a look at his face for a second. He was exhausted, his shoulders were slouched, his face still red and his eyes swollen from the tears. You knew he couldn’t speak for now but it was okay, you would always wait for him to be ready.

You gently started opening the buttons of his shirt, took off his suspenders and unbuckled his belt. He was moving like a machine, like he wasn’t really there and his brain was just doing tasks because it had to.

When he was only wearing his underwear, you pushed off the covers of the bed and let him lay down. You caressed his cheek tenderly before getting up to change your clothes as well. You did as fast as you could to quickly join Tommy but even then, he felt terribly cold in the huge bed without you by himself. When finally you pressed your body against his back, he sighed in content and closed his eyes.

He turned around, resting his head on your chest and you wrapped your arms around him.

For the first time today, Tommy didn’t feel like he was suffocating, he didn’t feel like his mind was too loud while it was numb as well, he didn’t feel the abysmal void inside his chest that threatened to swallow him at any given moment. For the first time today, Tommy felt the loved you and he shared, he felt the comfort you brought and the hope of better things coming up you carried. For the first time today, Tommy felt he was safe and he knew he could always find solace in your loving arms.

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby angst #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #anna’s fics

[mercy-burning]

Petite Etoile

Pairing: Spencer Reid x femReader Summary: BAU!Reader used to be a stripper, and when people where she used to work are being murdered, the team is called in to investigate. Category: Fluff, Smut 18+ (oral sex- male and female receiving, penetrative sex, Reader also does a stripping performance) Warnings: Sex, language, mentions of murder/violence and all the things you’d normally find in an episode of Criminal Minds. (As always, if there’s anything I missed, let me know what I should include in warnings! I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 7.8k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is going up way later than I said it would, so I’m sorry if you were looking forward to this, I just haven’t been motivated lately. But  I really have to get out of my writing slump, and I’m hoping I can do that soon. Anyway, I hope you like it! Thanks for reading 🥰 Also, I know that Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift doesn’t exist at the time of early season 2, which is when I imagine this taking place, but for the sake of the story let’s pretend it does, because that’s the song I had in mind when I wrote the performance scene 😉😂

***

When Y/N walked into work Thursday morning, everything was as normal as it could be. She chatted with Elle on her way up the elevator, handed JJ her coffee as she made her way to Hotch's office, and ruffled Reid's hair when she passed him, smiling at the way he blushed at her affectionate gesture.

But when the team was called into the round-table room, and she watched as JJ presented their next case, Y/N felt a little sick to her stomach.

Over the past week, three strippers from the town she'd lived in for years before moving to Virginia had been found stabbed in various parts of the block surrounding Starsight. She knew the place well. Not only did she used to work there as a stripper after she graduated, but her best friend, Irene, owned the establishment, and she'd practically become the sister Y/N never had. She helped her through college and pushed her to go into the Bureau. If people, Irene's people, were dying, why hadn't she called or said anything?

Thankfully Y/N didn't recognize any of the dancers who'd been killed, because if she had, she'd feel a lot worse. But even still, she wanted to find who was behind it, and she would. The BAU always did. And with her background knowledge of the scene and the town, Y/N figured she might be able to lend an extra helping hand.

But first she had to tell the team about her past.

It wasn't a secret that she used to be a stripper. In fact, it wasn't really something she was able to hide. With someone as curious as Penelope Garcia in her life, Y/N wouldn't have been able to hide it even if she wanted to. Thankfully though, besides the occasional teasing comment from Morgan, and sometimes Elle, the team didn't treat her any differently. She wasn't Y/N The Former Stripper, she was just Y/N. She was good at her job, and everyone respected and liked her just the way she was.

While debriefing on the jet, she was about to bring it up when Morgan did it first, seemingly sly like he'd discovered some big secret. "Hey, Y/N, didn't you used to live near this place?"

She nodded, clearing her throat. "Uh, yeah, that's actually what I was going to bring up. Starsight is where I used to work before I moved here. I know the owner of the place, she's one of my best friends."

She could tell Morgan wanted to tease her some more about her previous work, but before he could get a word in Gideon spoke from behind her. "Irene Whitcomb?"

"Yeah."

"Good, when we land I want you, Morgan, and Reid to go talk to her. See if you can find anything out."

Y/N nodded, and in front of her, she noticed Reid was a little flushed. It didn't surprise her considering when everyone found out her previous job, he almost choked on his coffee, and Morgan laughed hysterically while he had a coughing fit. It was obvious to Y/N from the beginning that Spencer had had a little crush on her, and it didn't bother her at all. Every once in a while she'd pat his knee before she got up from her seat next to him or wink at him as they saw each other briefly in passing, just to see how he'd react, and by now it was a staple of their relationship. It never did go any further than that though, Y/N afraid she might make him too uncomfortable.

But even still, she couldn't help but give him a flirty smile as he blinked rapidly in front of her, still seeming to process what was going to happen when they landed. When he excused himself to go to the bathroom, she gave him one more wink and a small bite of her lip as he passed.

Morgan laughed softly beside her. "You're gonna ruin the poor kid if you keep that up, girlie."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," she responded, even though the smile on her face suggested otherwise.

***

A strip club being almost at full capacity in the middle of the day was more common than one might think. It had surprised Y/N when she first started working at Starsight, and even now she still didn't really understand why. Regardless it was almost 3pm, and if things had stayed the same over the years, which by the looks of things seemed to be the case, Irene should have been behind the bar.

It must have been a sight to behold, Y/N mused as she and her colleagues navigated through the club in search of its owner, and it sounded like the beginning to a bad joke— a former stripper turned FBI agent, a guy who looks like he just walked straight out of a procedural cop show, and an adorably and obviously nervous skinny kid with glasses and trembling hands walk into a strip club at 3pm... The thought made Y/N laugh to herself, right before Irene spotted her.

"Y/N!"

It was obvious that she wanted to jump over the bar and give her old friend a hug, but given the circumstances, Irene settled for dropping a shot glass, spilling the drink on the counter, and clapping her hands quickly a few times in succession. A wide smile and kind eyes greeted the three agents as they approached.

"Irene, hi," Y/N greeted with a large smile of her own. "I wish I could have came to visit under better circumstances."

"Right, me too..." The blonde woman's smile faded for a second, just long enough that the recognizable signs of grief came and go quickly before replacing themselves with bittersweet niceties. "Anyway, you wanna introduce me to your friends?"

"Yeah, Irene, these are my colleagues, Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid."

Irene reached out to shake their hands, eyeing up Morgan with only the slightest bit of shame, and laughing softly at Reid's polite avoidance of the gesture as he settled on a wave and a shy smile.

"We were hoping to ask you a few questions about the past week," Morgan said.

"Yeah, anything. Just give me a minute to clean this up and we can sit down."

***

"So, you used to work here?"

Y/N laughed, kicking Derek under the table. "Yep. Looks exactly the same as when I left, too. Only difference is that I'm not here to bring everyone in on Friday nights."

As Derek laughed, Spencer tensed up beside Y/N, and he started to play with his hands under the table they all sat at.

"She's not joking," Irene said as she approached the table with a smile. She took the seat next to Morgan and gave him a wink. "Petite Etoile over here was the main attraction."

Y/N groaned a little. "Oh, c'mon Irene, don't use my nickname here, that's not who I am anymore."

"Don't tell me you've lost your shine, Little Star." From the tone in her voice to the look on her face, it was clear to Y/N that Irene was just as devious as she'd been since the day they first met. "You know it would just break this town's heart."

"I highly doubt that... Besides, this little star shines just as brightly as it used to, thank you very much."

At that statement, Y/N felt Reid's knee hit the table with a loud thud. As Morgan questioned whether he was okay, she wondered what was running through his head. It didn't last long though, because shortly afterwards Morgan started asking questions about the case.

"Was it particularly crowded on the nights the dancers were killed?"

Irene hugged her arms to her stomach, her eyes drooping a little at the mention. "It gets pretty crowded every night to tell you the truth. But Friday nights are busiest. The nights Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn disappeared were just like any other night here."

"I know how hard it is to keep track of everyone, but is there anyone you might have noticed that seemed a little too lurk-y?" Even as she asked the question, Y/N felt like she already knew the answer.

And Irene really did seem to try to recall something, anything that could help, but she was visibly frustrated, tears welling in her eyes. "No, Y/N, I'm so sorry. After Carrie... the first time... we heightened security and everything, but it just wasn't enough, I... I don't know what to do."

Y/N reached across the table to grab her friend's hand. "It's okay, 'Rene. We're gonna figure this out, alright? I promise you."

Through tears, the blonde smiled and squeezed Y/N's hand. "I know you will, Little Star."

"Would it be possible for us to look at your surveillance tapes?" Reid asked quietly.

Irene looked up at him and nodded, still squeezing Y/N's hand. "Anything you need."

***

"So... Little Star, huh?"

Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile as she, Morgan, and Reid got into the car. When she got in the passenger seat, she waited for Morgan to be in the car before responding. "Oh, don't start. I swear to God, Derek, if you start calling me that I might just have to kick your ass."

"Well, you gotta at least tell me how you got the name?" he laughed, putting on his seatbelt while Reid climbed in the back.

"Well, how do you think? The place is called Starsight after all... So, Petite Etoile just made sense."

It was obvious that she was lying to get him to drop it, so Morgan kept pushing. "Okay, sure, but that's not the whole truth. Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn didn't have star names."

"Ugh, okay, fine, if I tell you will you shut up about it?"

"Promise."

Y/N caught a glimpse of Reid in the back through the rearview mirror. As expected, he was fidgety and just a little red.

She sighed and waited until Morgan pulled out of the parking lot to talk. "Okay. Once every month Starsight does a 'Midnight Sky' theme night. They light the place up in deep blue lights and everyone wears... space-themed outfits. Every dancer does their own special routine with songs and outfits that they pick on their own. My first time working a theme night, everyone seemed to really like what I did; I ended up doing an encore later in the night before we closed. Another dancer who worked with us at the time, Jenny, was learning French, so after my performance she called me Petite Etoile, and it just stuck."

"Okay, but why did you get the nickname and no one else?" Morgan asked with a smug smile. He knew she was still holding something back.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, Y/N, I really want to know."

She sighed. "Let's... just say my outfit was... well, it barely covered me, and what it did manage to cover was covered by fabric in the shape of stars."

While Morgan laughed, Y/N looked in the mirror to see Reid with his head low, even more red than he was before. He was biting his bottom lip and fiddling the the seatbelt strap, and when his eyes briefly met hers in the mirror he was quick to avoid eye contact once again. If Y/N didn't find it completely adorable she would have felt more badly about it. But just to make sure, she called out to him.

"Reid, you okay back there?"

He looked up to meet her eyes again through the mirror, but only briefly before trying to ook anywhere else. "O-oh, yeah, I'm... I'm good."

Morgan laughed. "Yeah, I bet you are."

Y/N punched him in the arm and met Reid's eyes once more. "Sorry."

"Oh, you don't have anything to be sorry about, it's... it's okay, really, I-I'm not... it's..."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Y/N said calmly, giving him a reassuring smile. "We're all good here, right?"

"Right," Morgan and Reid said one after the other.

"Good. Now let's catch this creep."

***

Unfortunately no one had gotten much of anywhere in the next few hours. The security footage showed a man following each of the girls out of Starsight but there wasn't anything distinctive about him. Somehow he'd avoided all the cameras face to face, so he knew where they all were. And as for how he chose which dancers to target they weren't sure.

Until Irene walked into the station, that is.

"Y/N, I completely forgot something! I can't believe I missed it."

She stood before the team in the office that the station had given them for the time being, everyone else sitting down. Y/N stood up and nodded. "What is it?"

"Carrie, Lola, and Evelyn were all Spotlight Performers."

"What does that mean?" Elle asked from behind them.

Y/N turned to the group, her arms crossed. "Every other night Starsight spotlights a different dancer for a large performance at the end of the night, sort of like a grand finale before the club closes."

"So you're saying each of the girls was the Spotlight Performer on the nights they went missing?" Hotch asked, more like a clarification than a question.

"Yeah, Carrie on Saturday, Lola on Monday, and Evelyn on Wednesday," Irene said frantically.

Y/N reached out to grab her hand. "Well, it's Thursday. So, if he sticks to pattern, he's going after tomorrow's Spotlight Performer. Who do you have lined up?"

"Well, no one yet. After the murders the girls have been hesitant to schedule, and I don't blame them... So what should I do?"

Before Y/N could answer, Hotch did. "Y/L/N, you haven't gone undercover before, but I think it would be a good idea. You used to work at Starsight, you could lure him out."

She turned around sharply. "Oh, I... I don't know, Hotch, I haven't danced in so long, I'm not sure I—"

"He's right," Gideon interrupted. "It's the best chance we have at catching him."

Between Hotch and Gideon's opinions on the matter, Y/N knew she didn't have a say anymore.

"You still know your routine, Petite Etoile?" Irene asked, only slightly amused.

"Petite Etoile?" Elle wondered aloud.

Y/N heard Morgan laugh and she sighed.

***

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were nervous," Irene said as she straightened another piece of Y/N's hair.

She played with the hem of the sheer robe she was wearing. "Well, I'm about to go undercover for the first time, stripping for the first time in years in front of all my colleagues so I can lure out a serial killer, so I guess you could say I'm a little nervous."

"Well... When you put it like that..."

Y/N looked up at her friend. "I'm sorry, Irene. Really, I'm okay, and we will get him, I promise."

"No, I know you will. I'm not worried. So... Who do they have watching you tonight?"

"Gideon and Hotch are outside, but Elle, Morgan, and Reid are in here with me. There are some extra officers all around the block, too, just in case."

"Hmm," Irene mused, and Y/N could tell she wanted to say something.

"What?"

"I don't know, it just surprises me they'd send Reid in here of all people. He seems almost more nervous than you."

Y/N laughed. "Well, when it comes to girls he gets a little nervous, but... he's good at his job."

"I'll take your word for it. But I also wouldn't be surprised if he short circuits when he sees you up there."

The thought made her smile a little, though she wondered how badly Morgan would tease him about the whole situation. Things between them all would no doubt be a little awkward for a while, but in no time they'd go back to normal like it never happened. At least that's what she told herself, because she wasn't sure what she'd do if her friendship with Reid was permanently damaged and awkward because of her past. The thought worried her just a little, but before she could get too psyched out, a knock at the door brought her back to reality.

"Y/N, it's Elle."

"Come on in!"

Y/N got up from the chair and turned around to meet Elle in the doorway. Her eyes wandered for a moment before nodding with a smirk. "Damn. Petite Etoile indeed."

Despite the nerves, Y/N smiled. "You here to give me an earpiece?"

Elle nodded and closed the door behind her. As she turned on the device and handed it to Y/N, she spoke. "You nervous?"

"A little, but it's just because I haven't done this in a while. Not to mention I'm doing it in front of everyone, and I'm luring out the unsub."

"No pressure, right?"

Y/N laughed, adjusting the earpiece and taking a deep breath. "It'll be fine. How long until I go on?"

"Five minutes. I'll be near the front with Reid. Morgan is in the back with a few officers, and everyone else is outside. We all have communication with you, so if we see him we'll let you know what to look out for."

"Got it."

"Y/L/N, can you hear me?" It was Hotch's voice through the earpiece.

"Yeah, loud and clear."

"Good. We're all in position. Whenever you're ready."

***

Elle met him near the front of the stage. To say he was nervous would be an understatement. Spencer didn't have a problem with strip clubs in the least, but it was bad enough that he'd thought about Y/N on multiple occasions in his dreams, now he was going to have to see her stripping just like he'd imagined many times over. The whole situation spelled out disaster, and if she didn't already know he had a crush on her, she most certainly would when the night was over.

As Elle approached him, he took a deep breath and stretched out his hands to calm his nerves. "She okay?"

Elle nodded. "Ready to go. I'm gonna stand on the other side of the stage, keep a look out for anyone who seems like he could be our guy."

"Right."

Before she left, Elle patted him on the shoulder and smiled knowingly. "Oh, and Reid... Try not to get distracted."

Yeah. He was fucked.

When the music that was playing stopped and the lights started to shift, Spencer took another deep breath. Irene's familiar voice came through the speakers.

"Thank you for coming to Starsight. Tonight's Spotlight Performer is a special one. Returning to the stage for the first time in years, shining brighter and better than ever before, give it up for our very own little star, Petite Etoile!"

A deep, seductive song that Spencer didn't recognize replaced Irene's voice as the lights shifted again, and the crowd around him applauded. It was just as crowded as it had been when he, Morgan, and Y/N met Irene the day before, but with a serial killer no doubt present and Y/N about to come on stage, everything felt heavier.

A dark silhouette broke through fog on the stage, and even though Spencer knew it was Y/N, it didn't feel real. He'd only ever seen her at work, in work clothes, and sometimes in casual clothes when they all went out for drinks on occasion.

So when she finally came into view, her hair tumbling down her back and shoulders rather than in a ponytail, and wearing almost nothing at all, he wasn't even sure it was her for a split second. But the way she looked, her magnetic presence and the way she carried herself across the stage was so remarkably her it was hard to miss. Everything about her confidence was elevated in that moment, and his own confidence—in his job and ability to function as a human being—was completely shattered when she caught his eye. It was just a split second, but that was all it took.

She must have noticed, because she gave him a small smile and a wink before turning her attention to the rest of the crowd as the music built. Spencer cleared his throat softly before glancing around, trying his best to scan everyone for anything suspicious. When he was sure there was nothing around him to be concerned about, he reluctantly let his eyes wander back to the stage.

By now Y/N had rid herself of the sheer robe that was on her, leaving her in a deep blue one-piece... contraption was the only word he could come up with. It was all connected by thin straps of fabric that weaved around every curve of her body, crisscrossing and leaving little to the imagination. Just like she'd described back in the car yesterday, small patches of fabric shaped like stars covered the front of her breasts and...

The second he looked down, she squatted, spreading her legs open and rolling her hips, exposing almost the entire front three rows of people to her barely-clothed pussy.

Spencer felt his cheeks grow warm as he quickly averted his gaze and pretended to survey the crowd again. To his credit, he did really search for anyone who could be the unsub, but the whole time he heard the song and the cheering crowd, and in turn Y/N occupied almost every corner of his brain.

When he finally had the courage to look at the stage again, she was making her way to a chair in the middle. Every step was on beat to the music and purposeful. She danced around the chair for a bit before another big beat drop in the song happened, and she squatted in front of it quickly, rolling her hips as she slowly got up.

Her eyes found his once more as she mouthed along to the words of the song, almost like she was singing directly to him. He wouldn't have thought anything of it, but she held his gaze for much longer than he'd been able to handle, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Which was made evident when she bit her bottom lip and ran her hands down her body, stopping at her knees before she sat in the chair and spread her legs, her hands finally dragging along the insides of her thigh.

Her eyes remained on him the entire time.

Butterflies immediately erupted in his stomach at her intensity, stronger than they'd ever been before. He'd always felt it when she affectionately ruffled his hair or patted his knee in passing, but now? She wasn't even touching him and he was about to crumble to the ground.

Thankfully something in his ear saved him from that. "I've got a visual." It was Morgan. "He's in the back, black long sleeve and jeans. Buzzcut. Y/N, look up at me and blink three times when you see him."

Reid looked up and and noticed her doing it. To anyone else it wouldn't have seemed out of pace, but he could tell she was a little rattled. In any case, she broke contact with Morgan and continued on with her performance as if nothing happened.

Though it meant there was most definitely a serial killer in the room and he would follow Y/N out of the club later, Spencer was glad for the past minute, because he wasn't sure how much more of the performance he could take. Suddenly there was a job to focus on again, and he was thankful for that.

***

"You're sure you're okay?"

Y/N laughed as she approached her motel room, phone in hand. "Yeah, Irene, I'm okay. Promise. He got a hold on me but my team was there to stop him before he did anything. No nicks or bruises or anything."

"Okay... You were great out there by the way. If you weren't such a kick-ass FBI agent now, I'd ask you to come back."

Laughing, she turned her head and noticed Reid at the end of the hall, walking to his room. He caught her eye and gave a shy smile before disappearing behind the door and closing himself off from her. She contemplated a moment before starting her journey to his room. "Well, I'm glad we could help. Maybe if I find myself in town again, I'll stop by."

"Yeah, you better. Though I'd prefer if a serial killer wasn't involved."

"You and me both. I'll come see you before we leave tomorrow morning, yeah?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Petite Etoile."

With an affectionate roll of her eyes, Y/N nodded though her friend wouldn't be able to see. "Night."

She hung up and put the phone in her bag, taking a deep breath before knocking on Reid's door.

The answer was almost immediate. He stood before her, and it looked like he'd just gotten undressed, wearing grey pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt. "Oh, Y/N, h-hi," he stammered, pushing his glasses up his nose a little. "What's up?"

"Do you... mind if I come in? I know it might sound a little weird but I don't really want to be alone right now..." It was true. Though she was okay after catching the unsub, the idea of being alone after everything that happened was sure to leave a small ache that wouldn't let her sleep, and having company would make a good cure.

"Oh, no, that isn't weird at all. Uh, sure, come on in." He stepped aside and opened the door wider to let her through. She smiled gratefully as she passed him, careful to notice the faint color that adorned his cheeks.

When he closed the door behind them, she set her bag down on the floor and turned to meet him, playing with the sleeve of the FBI jacket she was wearing. Before leaving Starsight, she'd changed into underwear, leggings, and a thin tee shirt. She debated taking the jacket off, but knowing how much of her body her colleague and friend had no doubt seen that night, she figured for his sake she'd leave it on. At least for now.

"I know it's late and we should probably get to bed, but... Truthfully I don't know how well I'll be able to sleep."

Spencer seemed concerned. "You're... you're okay? He didn't hurt you badly, did he?"

"Oh! No, he didn't, I'm just... rattled, that's all. I'll be okay, really. It's just that I haven't... performed in a long time, and all of that added on to being serial killer bait was just... eventful. That's all."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you were great."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, a small smirk playing at her lips. "Oh?"

"Oh, I mean at handling the unsub. Not that you weren't great at the other thing, of course! I just... I just meant that... I didn't mean... Um..."

"Hey, it's okay, I'm... I'm not mad or anything, I'm... flattered."

The redness on Spencer's face became more vivid under the dim glow of the room. "I- Really?"

Y/N smiled and took a step closer. "Mhmm. Y'know... Truthfully it was really hard for me not to look at you the whole time. Out of everyone in that whole room, I wanted to see only you."

His gaze wandered up and down her body briefly before meeting her eyes. "You did?"

"Mhmm," she said again. Her hand reached out to graze his bare arm, and he shivered under her light touch. "You can stop me if this is too weird, but... I really like you, Spence... Like, a lot. And, I think it's pretty obvious that you like me, too. Am I wrong?"

He swallowed. "Um... No. You're not wrong."

She was only inches away from him now, her hands gently caressing his shoulders and chest. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and smiled. "Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you right now?"

"Um... T-truthfully I think I might want... to kiss you more..."

Y/N laughed and balled his shirt in one hand, the other snaking up to the back of his head and running through his hair. "Okay, then... You gonna prove it, or what?"

He bit his lip softly before leaning down and capturing her lips in a kiss that made her dizzy. Her hands tightened their grip on him, and the second her lips parted, he wasted no time gently swiping his tongue across her bottom lip, his confidence growing with every second. She groaned into him, pulling her body flush against his and forcing him to wrap his arms around her waist to keep steady.

They pulled away for air eventually, and by the gleam in his eyes when she looked at him, she knew exactly what she had to do.

"No one is rooming with you, right?"

"N-no. It's just me."

"Good." She whispered it seductively as she removed her hands from him and slowly unzipped her jacket, keeping eye contact with Spencer the whole time. Except, of course, when his eyes glanced down to see the progress the zipper was making. Once she slid it off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor, he took her in, his tongue dancing behind his lips.

She let him have a few more seconds before taking a step forward and kissing him again, both of her hands cradling his face and bringing her thumbs to gently rub his cheeks. He melted into her completely, wrapping his arms around her again in no time. While their kisses were slow and passionate for a minute, eventually they grew hungrier, and Y/N hadn't even realized they'd been moving until they were toppling onto the bed, Spencer falling back and her landing on top of him.

They broke apart only for a moment to adjust themselves, but went right back to each other once Y/N straddled his legs and he leaned back on his hands to keep himself upright.

Her hands played in his hair as she kissed him, each brush of her tongue against his sending him into a downward spiral. He'd only ever dreamed of this, and even then, this was better than any dream. Y/N herself was better than any dream.

She ground her hips against him, causing him to groan into her mouth, and he pushed himself forward to be closer, needing to be completely wrapped up in her for as long as he could. When she pulled her mouth from his and settled her hands on his shoulders to keep him from moving, he whined a little, the sound completely taking the both of them aback.

She smiled and cocked her head to the side. "I've thought about this for so long... You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kiss you since we met."

"Really?"

With a nod, Y/N toyed with the collar of his shirt, tugging it and slowly grinding her hips against him again. "Have you ever thought about it?"

It was a question they both obviously knew the answer to, but she wanted to have some fun. She loved seeing how shy he got, it made her want him even more.

"Yes... I... I think about you a lot," he breathed, blinking at her as she slid her hands down his chest and found the bottom of his shirt. She smiled and raised it up, her touch sending shivers all over his body.

"What have you thought about? Any specifics?" she asked once his shirt was all the way off. Her fingers found their way to his neck again as she pulled herself closer.

"Oh, I... Um... I-I've thought about... kissing you on the jet in front of everyone."

Y/N smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose, then traced her finger down over his lips and hooked it under his chin to tilt his head up, exposing his neck. "I've thought about that, too... You know what else?"

Spencer blinked at her, urging her to continue.

She leaned forward and kissed the underside of his jaw, then his neck, leaving small kisses in between every soft word. "I've thought about how good your hands would feel on me." Her hand grabbed one of his and brought it to rest on her side, slipping under her shirt. "Have you ever thought about touching me?"

"Yes," he breathed as she moved her mouth back up his jaw and to the corner of his mouth.

She brought her lips just inches from his, and he could feel them just barely as she spoke. "Do it. Please."

And then she let go of him, bringing both her hands to his face as she kissed him again. Her legs wrapped around him tighter as he used both of his hands to grip her sides. As soon as they knew they were stable enough not to fall backwards, Spencer slid his hands slowly up her torso and barely ghosted over her breasts. She could tell he was a little hesitant, so she pushed further into him, practically trapping his hands in between their chests. Her kisses grew deeper and more desperate as he palmed her breasts, letting a moan or two slip out to encourage him further.

Thankfully it worked, because with every passing second he got more confident with his touches. When Y/N moved her hips against his again, he sighed into her mouth and brought one of his hands out from under her shirt and to her head, running his fingers through her hair.

At this point he was noticeably hard beneath her, and she was desperate to feel more of him. So Y/N peeled herself away from Spencer and snuck her hand down to play with the waistband of his pants. "You wouldn't happen to have a condom on you, would you?"

"Oh, uh, a-actually Morgan gave me one as a joke last week. It's, uh, in my wallet. In my bag."

Y/N laughed. "Sounds like him. Why don't you go grab it."

He nodded as she got up off of him. While he walked over to his bag, Y/N quickly removed her shirt and leggings, leaving her only in a pair of thin black panties that were almost too small. Before he turned around, she sat back on the edge of the bed and spread her legs wide, leaning back on her elbows as she waited.

If she didn't know any better she would have thought that when he turned around, his eyes were going to fall out of his head. He took small steps towards the bed, and she made the 'come here' motion with her finger. "Take your pants off for me?"

He all but scrambled to get them off, and Y/N smiled affectionately at him as she watched, hoping to calm his nerves by letting him know that he had nothing to be nervous about.

But just to be sure, she told him as much anyway. "You've got nothing to worry about, Spence. Trust me, I... I want this."

Once his pants were off, he met her at the edge of the bed, standing in between her legs. "I do too, I just... It's just that I've only ever... done this before once, and... I'm not very experienced, and I don't want to disappoint you."

Y/N sat up and grabbed his hips, leaning forward to press small, soft kisses to his stomach as she looked up at him. "You could never disappoint me. Promise."

Once she was sure he was a little more relaxed, she moved her kisses lower, until they reached the waistband of his underwear. She hooked her fingers under it and slid them down slowly, keeping eye contact with him until they dropped to the floor. Only then did she look down at his dick, and it was even better than she imagined.

Giving a satisfied hum, she pressed a soft kiss to the tip and fluttered her eyes up to meet his, the look on his face completely awe-struck. She took the tip of his dick in between her lips and sucked gently, swirling her tongue around it as she watched his mouth fall open, a sigh escaping. She could tell he was holding back a little, so she traced her finger along the length of him and kept sucking lightly at the tip, hoping to get some noise out of him.

Y/N took him in her mouth completely, bobbing her head up and down just a few times to get him wet before removing her lips with a pop. When she gripped him firmly with one hand and steadily began to stroke him, he finally gave her what she hoped for.

"Y/N," he groaned, just above a whisper. His eyes were closed, but he opened them when she stopped.

"You wanna put it on or should I?" she asked.

"Spencer turned the small packet over in his hand before nodding. "I can do it."

Y/N scooted farther onto the bed and slid off her panties as he got to work, and thankfully he wasn't as nervous anymore. He moved to take off his glasses, but she stopped him. "Keep them on?"

The devious grin on her face made him blush, and he nodded, crawling over the top of her and pressing tentative kisses to her stomach, only he travelled downward instead of up to her mouth.

"You don't have t—"

"I want to," he reassured, kissing her inner thighs. "Truth be told, Y/N, I've thought about doing this, too. Is that okay?"

"Yes," she responded clearly, extremely turned on by the needy tone in his voice.

Almost immediately after she answered, his tongue darted out to taste her, swiping gently over her clit and sending her into a state of speechlessness. She leaned up on her elbows to watch as Spencer took his time, exploring and savoring every inch of her. She knew now why he'd wanted to take his glasses off, but if anything the sight of them riding up his face as he ate her out made the whole thing even hotter.

"Fuck, Spence, that... that feels so fucking good," she breathed, trying to keep her eyes open to look at him but ultimately failing.

Her words emboldened him, and he slipped a finger slowly inside her, his tongue paying special attention to her clit. He worked them together in a slow, sensual rhythm that eventually drove her to the edge. And she told him so.

"You're gonna make me cum," she breathed, willing herself to open her eyes. She found him staring up at her as best as he could in his position, the hungry sparkle in his eye pushing her further. What finally pushed her over the edge was when he sucked gently on her clit and groaned against her as she called out his name. Everything blinded her for a moment as she rocked her hips against his face, needing to hang on to every last second of her orgasm.

When she finally came down, Spencer pulled away and adjusted his glasses, to which Y/N bit her lip and moaned once more. "You're sure you've only ever done this once?"

He laughed a little, sucking his fingers clean with a shrug before answering. "Yeah, but I'm a quick-study."

Y/N smiled and reached one of her arms out to him. "Come here, quick-study."

The two of them smiled as their lips found one another, her hands flying to his hair once again. His hands gripped her waist, and his dick pressed up against her lower stomach, making her groan against him.

Without another word, Y/N hooked her legs around his waist and shifted their weight, rolling them over so she was straddling him now. Spencer reached up to move her hair to one side of her face, and then soon after she sat up, placing her hands on his chest.

"I'll tell you something else I've thought about," she said lowly, scratching down his chest just lightly enough to give him goosebumps. She then used one of her hands to grip his dick and lifted her hips up, running the head of him through her wetness as she looked down at him. "I've thought about how good you would look while I ride you. More than once, actually."

She sank down onto him, just a little, and his face sure enough twitched in pleasure, making Y/N smile to herself. "What about you? You ever imagine me riding this pretty cock?"

"Fuck, Y/N, yes, I— Oh my god..."

She sat down completely, rocking her hips forward a little and pressing her hands harder into his chest. "Fuck, you feel so good..."

She set a slow pace, making sure to pay extra attention to Spencer's face as she worked him. Just like she'd done before, he seemed to have a hard time keeping his eyes open, but his hands gripped her hips so tightly she was sure they'd leave bruises. The thought of that spurred her on, and she picked up the pace, bouncing steadily on his cock.

"Ohhh, fuck," she groaned, her hands leaving his torso to grab her breasts. He opened his eyes and watched her, letting out a soft moan of his own. His hands slid up her sides and under hers, replacing them with his own firm grip. She leaned forward a little so he wouldn't have to reach up that far, placing both of her hands on either side of his waist.

"Tell me," she managed to say as she continued riding him. "You ever think about fucking me at work? In the round-table room or over my desk? I know I have..."

He continued to pinch and pull at her nipples while barely being able to keep his eyes open. "Y-yes... Fuck, Y/N, I think about you all the time..."

"Feeling's mutual. Sit up for me?"

Spencer opened his eyes and she helped him sit up. They adjusted for a second before she wrapped her arms around his neck and started moving again, rocking her hips into his and giving him a better angle to hit inside her deeper.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so good," she breathed against his lips before she kissed him, missing the feel of his lips on hers. Their bodies clung together perfectly, every movement feeling better than the last, until they were both obviously close to coming undone.

Sure enough, the moment she squeezed her legs together and clenched herself around him, he groaned into her mouth and bucked his hips forward. "Y/N... I..."

She pressed her forehead to his and tugged at his hair, quickening her pace just a little and feeling herself geting close as well. Any moment now and she would feel it.

"Me, too," she breathed, brushing her nose against his. Within a matter of seconds, they were both unraveling, sighing out each others' names and holding on to each other for dear life as they rode out their highs.

Eventually Y/N slowed her hips to a stop, and she slumped against him, pressing one final kiss to his lips before she got off his lap and pulled him down to lay beside her, immediately snuggling into his side and burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"So, was that better than you imagined?" she murmured against his neck, pressing kisses along collarbone.

Spencer laughed and pulled her even closer. "Even better. No dream could ever do you justice."

She smiled, feeling herself growing sleepy. "You sap... But, for the record, I could say the same thing about you."

"Really?" He seemed genuinely curious.

Y/N looked up at him and smiled, tracing patterns on his chest with her fingertips. "Really. I wasn't kidding, Spence, I think about you... probably more often than I should. You're distracting."

"I'm distracting?" he mused. "You're... you. Seriously, it's a surprise I haven't completely made a fool of myself around you since we met. Especially after we all found out about your other job."

"Right... That doesn't... weird you out, does it?"

"That you used to be a stripper?"

She nodded, truthfully a little worried. She wasn't sure why, but it had always been a problem in her previous relationships, and she'd gotten used to that.

"No, of course that doesn't weird me out. I mean, I was definitely more intimidated around you, and I figured you were completely out of my league... Truthfully, I think you still might be."

"Oh, don't sell yourself short, Doctor. You're perfect, and really, if anyone was out of anyone's league here, it would be me. I'd be lucky to have you in any capacity, you know that, right?"

He blushed, bringing his forehead to rest against hers again. "Well... In any case, I really do like you, and... If it's not too weird, maybe you'd want to go out sometime?"

Warmth bloomed in her chest as she reached out and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. "Of course. I would love to."

***

"Make it stop," Y/N whined, covering her ears with the pillow.

Spencer stirred beside her, barely awake himself. The knocking at the door wasn't stopping, and in a huff of annoyance, Y/N decided she'd had enough.

"We're getting up!"

She only realized what she did after the door opened and Elle walked in, a shit-eating grin on her face. "Oh my God, you were in here last night! I came by your room and tried calling..."

Y/N and Spencer both froze, completely awake and now well aware of the fact that someone else knew about their... sleeping arrangement.

"Uh, yeah... Yeah, I was here. Sorry if I worried you," Y/N stammered, trying to keep her cool. "I-I promised Irene I'd stop by this morning for breakfast before we left, so I should probably do that. Do, um... Do you mind?"

Elle laughed, giving the two of her friends a once-over before nodding. "Sure thing, Little Star. Oh, and uh... Good for you, Reid, proud of you."

"Elle," Y/N groaned, clutching the covers tighter around her bare torso.

"Right. Don't be too late."

After she left, Y/N leaned over to Spencer and rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry. I probably should have—"

He stopped her by pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. When he pulled away, his hand brushed the hair from her face and he smiled. "It's fine. I don't care who knows. I mean, as long as you don't, Petite Etoile..."

He said it with a grin reminiscent of the one Elle had just adorned, and it made Y/N laugh. She kissed him again and ruffled his hair. "I'm gonna get you for that."

"What? It suits you."

"You are not calling me by my stripper name. It's bad enough Elle and Morgan are probably gonna call me that for the rest of my life, I don't need it from you, too." She smiled as she said it, hoping that he knew she was only joking.

Either way, Spencer looked at her adoringly and took her hand in his. "Well, then... how about I just call you mine?"

"I like the sound of that."

#spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter one: "Yes, I'm a genius"

Word count: 10,5 K

Warnings: Cursing, but it's mostly a fluffy nerdy start to our story.  Mentions of the L.D.S.K episode (Season 1, E06) and A real Rain (Season 1, E17).

Summary: Spencer meets the BAU new member, a young S.S.A. who happens to be just as nerdy as he is. (Y/N) is excited to join her dream job finally, but she is decided to create an imaginary barrier between her personal life and her job 'cos she doesn't want to make the same mistakes her father had done.

A/N: It's happening!!! I'm so excited!! I'm sorry it's gonna be long, so I hope you enjoy the ride 💕. Let me know what you think!  

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | 

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Spencer's point of view

I remember everything that happened the day (Y/N) first arrived at the BAU. It was Monday, November 7th, 2005. Morgan had teased me for a whole week already, as soon as Hotch told us a new member of the team had been selected.

I first saw her when she had her last interview with Aaron and Gideon. My eyes were glued to her from the moment she stepped into the bullpen, and of course, Derek saw me.

- "What caught your eye, kid?"- he asked, walking to my desk. He sat on it and cut me one of his smirks, telling me he knew something was going on. I cleared my throat, trying to turn to my pile of paperwork, going through the papers, and narrowing my eyes, pretending to read.

- "What?"- I know I couldn't fool him, but at least I tried.

- "Do you know her?"

- "Who?"- Morgan looked at me in silence. He knew I knew what he was talking about- "The... no, Hotch is talking with someone..."

I was completely flustered.

- "That I can see, do you know her?"

- "No..."- I whispered and looked over again, this time staring at the scene inside the office, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

I could see (Y/N) smiling at Hotch, and he... smiled back, which still surprises me. Our Unit Chief never smiles in the office, and somehow, (Y/N) always manages to make him grin and express tenderness. I guess that's one of the things about her I love, the way she always manages- somehow, I still don't know how- to make everybody around her happy. Especially me. I had never been as happy as I've been since I met her.

- "Hey, Hotch!"- Morgan waited until she was into the elevator to call Aaron and start asking questions- Who is she?

- "That's Supervisory Special Agent (Y/F/N) (Y/S/N) (Y/L/N), and she is going to be part of the team, starting next week."

My heart stopped. (Y/N) was gonna work with me. I was never going to have another intelligible thought or idea if she was going to be around. Of that, I was sure.

Derek turned to me with a grimace of taunt as I tried my best to look away and hide my red blushed cheeks. Damn it. I hate it when he makes me feel like a kid. He did that then, and he still manages to do it now, even when I'm already thirty years old.

- "Did you hear that, pretty boy?"- I was so glad it was just him and Hotch. I didn't want anyone else to listen to that conversation- "You are going to get many chances to talk with that pretty girl."

- "We are going to have to go through the fraternization policy then."- Hotch joked. Yes, he joked and smiled as he walked away.

I could barely talk or even look at her during her whole first day. I was so embarrassed that week 'cos I had just failed my firearm qualification, and I knew everybody was judging me. At least that's how I felt. It didn't work that Morgan welcomed me that morning with a freaking whistle. I felt like the mockery of a Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and of all days, (Y/N) had to arrive that morning.

We had a long briefing that day, JJ catching (Y/N) up with a few cases we were reviewing, and Hotch gave her the proper induction to the team. Penelope loved her. It was friendship at first sight.

- "I'm so happy you are here to stay! There aren't enough girls here at the BAU!"- she nearly squeaked as soon as we left the meeting room- "I want to know everything about you! We are going to be best friends. I can feel it!"- (Y/N) smiled at Garcia and nodded.

- "If you are a cat lover and a sucker for nerdy things, then I guess we are already family."

Her answer made Penelope shriek in excitement as I walked back to my desk quickly. I knew Derek wasn't going to waste the chance to embarrass me in front of her, and I needed to avoid it no matter what.

- "Considering it's your first day, and so far we haven't got a case, I say we should all have lunch together. There's a small place nearby"- Morgan smiled sweetly at (Y/N), and she nodded.

- "I'd love to."

- "Spencer here was just telling me how he wanted to know how you got to the BAU so young; he is excited not to be the team's baby anymore"- I turned to Morgan slowly. I swear he could feel the daggers from my eyes.

- "How old are you?"- she asked, and her smile left me speechless. I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.

- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, 'cos I had literally lost all my verbal abilities- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."

- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."

She looked so happy to be there. When you spend day after day surrounded by the worst of humankind, you seem to enjoy and appreciate the little gentle things in life. Her excitement was one of those. It was refreshing.

- "That's..."- it was so hard to pronounce any word at that moment. I was flustered and mortified 'cos I was making a fool out of myself.

- "That's great."

That was all I managed to say. Then, I looked down at the papers on my desk, doing my best to avoid any conversation. JJ and Elle talked to her for a few more minutes before returning to their duties, and Derek tapped my back as he walked to his desk.

- "Way to go, Romeo."

- "Shut up."

We never made it for lunch that day, 'cos we were called for a case in Illinois, and I was embarrassed in front of (Y/N) for the very first time. The first of many.

.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I could never forget the day I met Spencer. We were just kids. We were both twenty-four, and that was the first thing that caught everybody's attention on my first day at the BAU. We were the youngest, though he was a genius. I was an average kid who graduated high school at sixteen, got good grades at college, and got into the academy at twenty. Somehow I managed to kick ass until I got the position of my dreams in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I felt too young and inexperienced to be there, but seeing Reid's face made me feel a little better.

Hotch introduced me to everybody: Morgan, JJ, Elle, Penelope, Gideon -the legend- and Doctor Spencer Reid. He didn't shake my hand, explaining he has a "germs thing." I waved and said I understood him because I've always had a "hug thing," so we are both on the same page.

- "I don't like people touching me if we are not close friends or family."- I explained, and he smiled right away. That smile. It lit up my days for years to come.

- "Me neither, so don't worry, I'm not gonna try to touch you"- I bit my lips as I nodded, and his cheeks turned blood red with embarrassment immediately

- "Sorry, I mean, I'm not going to do anything that might bother you, like hugging you or..."

- "Don't worry, Dr. Reid, I understood what you were trying to say"- he kept nodding and excusing himself, and I tried not to laugh. He seemed to be so nervous it was endearing.

- "You... you can call me Spencer, or Reid"- he added- "You don't need to call me doctor."

- "You can call me (Y/N)"- and he nodded again, looking like a ten years old kid.

I remember clearly that second, right away, I thought he could be my new best friend. There was something about him that made me want to get closer to him.

- "Great! Now we've got two weird kids."- Morgan quickly said, chuckling, and I frowned at his words. I wanted to give him the snarkiest answer, but I remembered it was my first day, and I was still trying to give a good impression to my new coworkers, so I just stared.

- "You know, treating them like kids won't make you look wiser."- Elle whispered, though I heard her perfectly, as Hotch called to the briefing room.

- "I'm just joking with them! Don't you get a joke?"

I thought it was rude to joke around with someone you had just met, but soon after that, I realized Derek Morgan meant no harm. He was like that. And soon, he became the older brother I never thought I was going to need at work. After all, it was my first official job, and it was a very stressful one.

.

My first case was nerve-wracking. Gideon snapped in front of me, and I felt I wasn't helping at all catching the sniper. We are not supposed to use that word, but fuck it. Besides, Spencer and Hotch were kept hostage by the unsub. And Aaron had to beat the shit out of Reid to save all the hostages. Reid was so embarrassed, and I was so scared.

Scared of looking weak in front of my team. Afraid of not deserve being at the BAU.

I remember Elle brought me a coffee on the jet on our way back and said the words that resonated in my head when she left.

- "No one expects you to be perfect at what you do. We just need someone who gives the best every day."

I looked into her eyes and nodded. That was one of the few intimate conversations we had. Elle wasn't the one to open her heart and share her feelings. But she was always someone who could tell you the truth and support you when you needed it.

.

- "Hey! Reid!"- I waved at him from my car as I stopped next to him outside the BAU. It was already two in the morning, and he was outside the main building waiting for a cab.

- "Hey (Y/N)."- he whispered as I rolled up the window and looked at him.

- "Do you need a ride?"

- "No... no, thank you"- he hesitated and waved- "I already called a cab."

- "Are you sure? it's gonna start raining any minute now."

And just as I predicted, a few seconds later, Spencer's glasses were covered with tiny drops of water. He smiled and took a step closer to the car, opened the door, and got in.

- "Th... thank you"- he whispered as I smiled

- "It's ok, I couldn't let you there, on your own, waiting for a cab, not after coming back from a case."

- "I'm ok..."- maybe he thought I was implying the beating he got from Aaron earlier that day, so I did my best to tell him otherwise.

- "I bet you are, but it's fucking freezing, and we are all tired. There's no way you are waiting for a cab if I can drive you over... what about your car, by the way?"

- "I'm not a fan of driving; I take the subway to work every day."

- "Really? Why not?"- I was surprised by his answer, but I was way more surprised we were talking, finally.

- "I don't know, I don't feel comfortable driving... the guys say I'm weird."

I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He looked so nervous it made me feel bad. Maybe I had done something that had bothered him and never noticed it.

- "That's not weird"- my voice was soft, trying to calm him down. Spencer looked like a scared kitten sitting on my car's passenger seat.

- "If you don't like driving, that's ok... I don't like talking on the phone with people. It makes me anxious for no reason."- I confessed, keeping my eyes on the road. But I know he turned to me and nodded.

- "That's completely normal. It's called "telephone phobia" or "phone phobia," which refers to the irrational fear or discomfort with speaking over the phone. Psychologists believe that this condition is related to social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid situations where they will need to act. Making a call is essentially a performance, and some people dread making a mistake, freezing up, being ridiculed, or not being able to perform in front of an audience."

- "Really?"- he just nodded and kept his eyes on the road- "I didn't know it had a name! My insurance should cover it."

And he finally laughed, which made me feel he was maybe a little more relaxed around me.

- "This is me."- he announced, and I parked outside his building. It was a nice place, and conveniently, it was very close to my house.

- "Great! I live just a few blocks away. I can give you a ride to work whenever you want"- I might have sounded a little more excited than I should have, but I wanted to be friends with him. He was the closest in age with me at work, and he looked so shy and friendly. He was a magnet. Spencer Reid was calling for my friendship. I could feel it.

- "Th.. thanks"- he stuttered and nodded as he opened the door and step out of the car- "Thank you, again."

- "You are very welcome!"- I answered with a big smile. He stared at me for another second and waved before turning around, basically running into the building.

I wish I could go back in time to those days. Everything was more uncomplicated, we were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new: Reid's rambling, my bad jokes. I miss that. I miss us.

It wasn't easy to get close to Spencer. It wasn't easy to get close to the team, probably 'cos I was overthinking every single thing I did. In my first couple of weeks, I was as friendly as I have ever been and made my best to be the (Y/N) I had to be as an FBI Agent. I was making a tremendous effort to fit it. I was nervous and walking on eggshells the whole time. Every time Hotch talked to me, I was sure he would tell me I was fired. When Gideon looked at me, I was sure he thought I was the dumbest agent he had ever met. And every time I spoke at the morning briefings, I just could feel Spencer thinking I was stupid.

.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I was looking for you!"- Penelope ran into me outside the lady's room and jumped on my face, making me scream- "Sorry!"

- "It's ok, you just almost killed me of a heart attack, but that's ok... I'll survive."- I joked as I kept feeling my heart jumping in my chest.

- "Sorry, I'm just excited 'cos everybody is in for a little gathering tonight at my house. I need to give you a proper welcome! You've already been here for nearly a month, and we still don't get to know much of you."

Hanging out with my coworkers outside the office was strange. Not that I didn't want to get to meet them, it's just that... they were FBI agents. Sure, so was I, but it was my first official Supervisory Special Agent job, and I was only twenty-four. There were so many of my teenage days I still wasn't ready to let go. And so much of it, I didn't want them to know.

- "Sure!"- I replied and smiled at her face lighting up. You could tell Penelope was excited to host a party at her house.

- "Great! Tonight! my place! I'll text you the address! you have to be there!"

- "I will, I swear!"

Spencer's point of view

Oh, man! The first time I actually talked to (Y/N) was on a get-together Penelope organized at her apartment a few weeks after (Y/N) joined the team. Garcia made an effort to make her feel welcome, she even invited Elle, and we all knew those two weren't incredibly close.

Derek drove Elle and me to Penelope's, and I was mortified every minute I spent in that car. He wouldn't stop teasing me, and Elle asked over and over if I had a crush on (Y/N).

- "No! I don't have a crush on her! can you knock it off?!"- I finally snapped as I got off the car outside Garcia's building.

- "Just because she is my age doesn't mean I have or should have a crush on her! she is our new colleague! so please! Stop!"

I slammed the door and walked inside. Did I make an unnecessary scene? Yes, but I couldn't handle anything better at that moment. They were driving me crazy.

- "Welcome! Welcome!"- Penelope opened the door and invited us in. (Y/N), and JJ were already there, holding a beer and laughing. I stared at the two of them and knew I wasn't going to say a word the whole evening.

Back then, I still had a small crush on JJ. We had a terrible date after Gideon gave me tickets for a football game with her favorite team. That was his way to encourage me to ask her out, which I did... but apparently, I sucked at it, 'cos she never got it was a date and invited Penelope to come along. Worst date of my life. But still, I got flustered around her, and my mind kept coming back to her from time to time.

- "So, pretty girl, why did you want to be part of the FBI?"- Morgan asked her after a while of small talk. She was sitting on Garcia's coach, next to our host and JJ. I turned to look at her from my chair, and I swear I felt Elle's eyes on me for a few seconds.

- "Do you usually call girls names?"- (Y/N) answered the questions with another question and frowned at Morgan. He just wide opened his eyes and smiled, surprised.

- "He calls everybody names."- JJ replied, chuckling

- "Hey! he calls me sweet names! Just me!"- Penelope got all jealous and possessive right away.

- "Did you know according to some studies, the reason people in relationships use pet names for their partners is that they're harking back to their own childhood experience and their first love, which usually relates to their mother"- facts came out of my mouth faster than I noticed. I didn't have a chance to stop myself.

Derek frowned right away and (Y/N) bit her lips, trying not to laugh. Elle lost that fight and let out a burst of loud laughter along with JJ.

- "Are you trying to tell me I've got mommy issues, Reid?"

- "No, no, of course not!"- my voice was agitated as I shook my head and hands frenetically. If there's one thing I never want to do is get Morgan mad. He is scary when he is crossed, and back then, we weren't as close as we are now. Let's say I was a little afraid I might say the wrong thing. I always said the wrong thing... I don't know when to stop.

- "I call people pet-names too, once I get to know them, so don't worry"- (Y/N) smiled at turned to Derek with a smile- "And to answer your question, why did I join the FBI? I guess I tried to follow dad's steps. He is chief of police here at Quantico... and my older brother is a detective at NYPD, so... I guess I never really thought about it. I knew where I wanted to be."

- "I bet they are proud"- JJ smiled at her, and I held my breath for a second. I don't know why I did it; I just remember feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. Not because of JJ, but because I wanted to learn more about (Y/N). I wanted to know everything, but I had no idea how to ask her anything.

- "Well, my brother is very jealous since I joined the BAU"- she chuckled with a playful smile- "Now I'm dad's favorite."

She told us about her academy experience, and we all told her a little bit about ourselves. Morgan was nice enough to tell her everything about my degrees and IQ because, well, my IQ dropped to twenty when it was my turn to talk to her.

I found out she has a MA in Linguistics and was considering doing the DA, which she did. That's when I managed to speak, and we talked about our college experiences for a while.

- "Oh, no! I wasn't popular at all. When your dad is a cop, kids usually don't wanna talk to you or invite you to parties."- she explained as we stood at one side of the room. Talking to her on our own was a little bit easier than doing it with everybody else watching. I don't know why. So I took my opportunity when Derek was out getting more beer with Elle, and JJ and Garcia were in the kitchen.

- "Being fourteen and riding my bike to college didn't make me very popular either."- I confessed, and she chuckled

- "Sorry."

- "Don't be"- I smiled and looked down at my shoes- "I guess at a certain point in our lives, we have to start laughing about some of the bad things that happened to us"- her cellphone rang that second, and she looked at the screen with a small smile.

- "Sorry, I have to answer this, it's my boyfriend."

Boyfriend. I should have seen it coming.

I walked to the kitchen, defeated, and sighed. I left my empty can of Coke and looked at my friends.

- "I think I'm gonna go home."

- "What? No! It's too early, Spence!!"- JJ argued right away- "You never want to hang out with us outside work!"

- "Yeah!! Don't you want to have fun with us?"- Garcia begged and pouted. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I was very uncomfortable 'cos social gatherings weren't my thing (they are still not my thing anyway) until I heard her voice.

- "So, what are you guys doing?"- (Y/N) walked over and stood next to me

- "Who were you talking to?"- Penelope asked right away with a wink.

- "My boyfriend"- she was joyful, I could feel the happiness in her voice- "He just wanted to know if I was ok."

- "Boyfriend?"- JJ smiled, and I could feel her eyes glance over me.

- "I need to know everything!"- and Penelope hyperventilated right away- "How long have you been dating? Are you getting married soon? Is he the love of your life?"

- "Who's getting married?"- Morgan walked in and wide opened his eyes as he questioned the room.

- "(Y/N) is getting married!!"- Penelope nearly shrieked as (Y/N) shook her head laughing.

- "I'm not getting married! Paul and I started dating just a month ago; it's nothing serious."

I took a sip of the beer Elle gave me and sighed, staring at the bottle. I made my best not to look at Derek for the rest of the night. I didn't want him to give me any sorry glance or anything that might make anyone believe something that wasn't real.

It was a fun night, after all. After my beer, we talked; I felt a little looser and managed to ask (Y/N) about herself and told her I had overheard her telling Garcia she was a sucker for all nerd things.

- "Yeah, I'm a huge nerd"- her cheeks blushed with her confession.

- "I bet you can't beat baby genius here"- Morgan chuckled and tapped in my back, making everybody laugh... at me.

- "I've got the feeling I can top him... you have no idea the kind of geek I am"- she looked straight at me- "How many Star Wars conventions have you been to this year?"

- "Just one, you?"- I raised an eyebrow and watched her chuckle.

- "Five... last two I was in make-up and custom"- I wide opened my eyes as she bit her lips nervously.

- "And Doctor Who conventions?"- I asked her, way more intrigued than I had been about her before.

- "Only two this year, the academy and school got in the way of most of my fun..."

- "Do you have a favorite doctor?"- I had to ask

- "From the new series, ten, the classic Doctor who I have to say four."

- "Tom Baker is by far my favorite doctor of the whole series."

- "But you can't overlook the fantastic job David Tennant has done! He is the one who managed to charm a whole new generation with the show!"

- "Yeah, he is excellent! but he ain't no Baker"- I loved that conversation

- "Baker's popularity is 80% because he had Sara Jane, who is by far one of the best companions the doctor has ever had. She made him human and relatable"- she had a point, but I needed to argue with her. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't because Morgan's voice was louder than my thoughts.

- "Ok, geeks, you can ramble about your tv shows and nerd things some other time, now let's make a toast. To our newest member, we hope you feel welcome working with us, 'cos you are gonna see us way more than you see your boyfriend"- she chuckled at those words and nodded.

- "Thank you, guys. You have been so nice to me these couple of weeks. I've got the feeling we are gonna get along."

.

- "Do you need a ride?"- (Y/N) turned to me as I grabbed my satchel, and she put on her coat.

- "Thanks, but Morgan is gonna take me home."- I whispered, scared to be alone with her again.

- "Actually, kid, I was planning to hit the club right now, it's still early, and we don't get many free nights, so..."- he looked at us and shrugged.

- "You don't mind?"- I asked her, and she gave me the warmest smile.

- "I just offered to do it, of course, I don't mind at all."

- "Thank you."

I didn't know if I wanted to kill Morgan or thank him. Either way, (Y/N) waved goodbye to everybody and walked out of Garcia's with me, after thanking everybody for the hundredth time for everything.

- "Are you tired?"- she asked me as we both sat in her car. She started it, and the music that came from the radio was so loud, I nearly covered my ears- "Sorry! Sorry! I was rocking my favorite album on my way over."

She quickly turned off the radio and gave me a guilty smile

- "It happens when you drive alone a lot."

- "Did you know listening to loud music helps you liberate stress?"- I started rambling- "There is a direct connection between your inner ear and the pleasure centers in the brain. Shortly explained, when you listen to loud music, endorphins are released, that act on the opiate receptors in our brains, they reduce pain and boost pleasure, resulting in a feeling of well-being."

If I was going to work with her, I had to find a way to talk to her. Even if that way was to ramble facts over and over again. Anything was better than silences, I guess.

- "Yeah! and it also works like a stimulant, which I needed after the week we just had..."- I chuckled, and she looked at me for a second- "By the way, I noticed you have a problem with coffee and sugar"

- "I don't have a problem with coffee!"- I felt nearly judged by her statement.

- "And sugar!"- she added and snickered

- "You know you shouldn't profile other profilers"- I made my best to make a joke, and I guess I nailed it, 'cos she chuckled.

- "That's hardly profiling, Reid! that's just watching you prepare your coffee every morning"

- "Have you been spying on me?"- I could help but to chuckle at that conversation. I was having fun.

- "No way on earth! I just happen to like to drink coffee too, which leads us to the question I wanted to ask, it's still early; Morgan was right, do you want to have a coffee or something... I'm in the mood for something sweet."

- "And you were judging me for my coffee with extra sugar!"

- "I'm not judging you! I'm just pointing out that I noticed what you are doing and wondering how many cavities you already have."

I laughed. An honest, real, pure laughter. She has always made me laugh as I've never had. Like there are no problems, no worries, no traumas. Nothing bad.

- "I have no cavities, thank you very much!"

- "Fine! and are you in the mood for a late coffee and cupcake with me?"- I stayed quiet and looked at her- Don't feel pushed to do it just because I'm giving you a drive

- "No, no, it's not that. I just don't wanna bother you"

- "If I am inviting you, Reid, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm feeling forced to do it"- she kept her eyes on the road, but her voice was so reassuring I couldn't doubt a word.

- "Wouldn't your boyfriend get mad or something?"- I whispered the question 'cos I was scared of the answer.

- "Why should he?"- she looked shocked by the questions- "If he gets jealous, then he is not the guy for me."

I cut her a short smile and nodded. Her personality was so different from mine. It was exciting to have her around.

- "I could eat a donut"- and she clapped at my answer, thrilled with the plan.

- "That's the spirit! I know just the place!"

We talked until four in the morning that night. I don't know how I managed to do it, not because I was tired, but because I was very nervous. Well, I was at the beginning, but talking with (Y/N) has always come easy to me, somehow. To the guy who was never able to speak in public or with any girl, spending three hours in a cafeteria talking, eating donuts, and drinking coffee in the middle of the night was the most significant achievement.

.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "How do you know a place open at this hour?"- Spencer asked me the very first time we were out together for coffee. It was already close to four in the morning, and I had started yawning, 'cos even with all the sugar and caffeine I had consumed that night, I was weary.

- "Sorry to break the news, doctor, but are not the only one with a sugar problem"- I licked a little frosting from my finger and grinned- "Sometimes after classes, or when I was too stressed studying, I would come here, get a coffee, a cupcake and just... do nothing for a while, just to let my brain rest I guess"

- "That makes total sense. The brain needs free time to process new information and turn it into something more permanent. Though the amount of time a mind needs to construct a durable memory probably varies from one person to the next, it also depends on the complexity of what that person is trying to learn"

- "Well, believe me, it felt like I needed two weeks to process all the information, but I only had half an hour if I was lucky"

- "Then you are already trained for this work. We don't have much time to do anything when we are on a case"

- "That's what I've seen so far... but at least you all get along. It would suck to be stuck in a team that fight egos and divisions."

- "Yeah, you are right, we are lucky to have very nice people working with us... everybody brings something different to the team"- I nodded at his words and looked down at my fingers as I tried to wipe the leftover sticky glazed with a napkin.

I had been working there for four weeks already, and I still felt like I didn't belong. Honestly, it was such hard work being there, not because they weren't a great team, but because it was more challenging than I ever imagined. Profiling and traveling all over the nation catching serial killers was... stressing, to say the least.

- "You bring a completely different point of view in every case"- he continued speaking and looked down at his cup- "And your knowledge in Linguistics adds more information to the profiles, which helps working faster and better."

I held my breath at his words. I knew he was just polite, just trying to make me feel better about my job performance these weeks.

- "I can assure you, you have been an incredible addition to the team"- he stayed quiet for a second, still just staring at his cup.

- "Thank you."

- "It's true; I'm not telling you this 'cos I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."

I know I was blushing. I don't know how to take a compliment. Not that I get many, but it's always weird to hear someone telling you so nice things about your work.

- "Thank you, Spencer"- he finally looked at me and nodded. We stayed in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say, and he seemed to be embarrassed.

- "Thank you, actually"- he finally whispered.

- "Why? I didn't do anything"- I was confused, but he was earnest about his words.

- "Thank you, 'cos you have been very nice to me, even though I am a barely tolerable person."

- "What? Barely tolerable? What the hell are you saying?"

- "I mean, I know I drive people crazy 'cos I am always rambling and giving unnecessary facts all the time"- I narrowed my eyebrows, not getting why he was saying those things.

- "You do not do that."

- "Maybe you haven't been here long enough to realize I am always giving facts, and..."- he was honest. He actually believed people were annoyed by him. It hurt me to know that's what he thought of himself.

- "I realized that within the first three hours into the job, but I think that's amazing."

- "People would always say it's annoying."

- "Why would they say that?"

- "Because... I know they do."

- "Well, whoever says or thinks that are assholes, I like your rambling."

Reid snorted, and I hit his arm with my knuckles softly. I really felt bad he was so insecure, and most of all, he thought everybody hated him.

- "I mean it, Spencer, I wish I knew half the things you know, and if being with you means having to listen to your rambling, I think it's incredible, 'cos it gives me the chance to soak some of that knowledge."

The way he smiled, it was like his whole face lit up. He blushed, obviously embarrassed, and it also blushed me, 'cos he was gorgeous when he smiled.

- "So please, don't stop the facts, not with me"- he nodded and sipped what was left of his coffee.

After another few minutes, we left, and I drove him home. We were in a small sugar rush; we were too tired to have a full effect. I knew all I wanted was my bed and sleep the whole weekend.

- "I had a great time tonight"- I parked my car outside his building and smiled- "At Penelope's and with you"

I was so excited we had finally talked and gotten closer. I wanted to be friends with him so badly. Why? I don't know. I just knew I needed him in my life, from that minute on.

- "I had a great time too"- he smiled and held his satchel- "See you Monday"

- "Yeah! See ya!"

- "Drive safe!"

- "I will!"

I got home that night and laid on my bed, fully dressed. I barely took off my shoes and fell asleep right away. I was too tired to think, too tired even to put on my pajamas. But I wasn't too tired to remember Spencer's smile while he ate donuts. His dorky glasses, the way he gesticulated everything he said when he was excited about a subject. I was glad I had finally gotten to talk to him for once. And I couldn't wait to do it again.

Back then, Paul and I had just started dating. I wasn't in love with him, but he was a nice, funny guy I loved spending time with. I met Paul a couple of months ago at a friend's party. He was fun to be with, and we had a lot of things in common. We were both into music. He had a band, I didn't back then, but eventually got mine over time. He was like me, nothing like my friends at the BAU.

I thought that was cool, 'cos he represented a part of me I didn't want to lose working at the FBI. I was terrified I was going to lose myself in my new job. I saw how it affected dad's and my brother's life, how they were consumed by it in almost every single way. It was why my parents got divorced. It was why my brother couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a few months. 'Cos work was first, and their job was everything. The crazy hours, having to answer every call, no matter how busy you were. I thought it was sick how work could be your whole life. I was decided not to let it happen.

Yeah. I had no idea what I was getting into.

Soon after I joined the BAU, the nightmares began. I guess nothing prepares you to see so many people die. And nothing prepares you to kill someone, no matter if that someone is a child abuser.

I took the shoot, didn't even hesitate. It went right between his eyes. It was him or me, I know that. He was going to kill me. But still, it was hard.

Derek turned to me as I stayed still, in shock. It took me a few seconds to even breathe. I had just killed a person. It wasn't just some random thing.

- "(Y/N), are you ok?"- he landed a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly nodded.

- "Yeah, I'm ok... that was fast"- it was all I could say and turned to him. He gave me a short warm smile and wrapped an arm around me. I flinched at his touch right away and held my breath again. I don't know if he felt it, but still, he didn't let me go.

Derek has that thing when he doesn't care if you want it or no; he will give you his love and friendship when he feels you deserve it. I guess I'm lucky to call him my friend. And he really pushed that hug thing I still have.

- "Are you ok?- Spencer's voice was a sweet whisper. He sat carefully next to me in the jet and gave me a warm cup of tea- "I made you the one you like"

Of course, he had noticed my favorite brand, 'cos that's what Spencer does, he takes mental notes of everything and never, ever forgets. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I guess it depends on what you remember.

- "Yeah, just tired"- working at the BAU, you can hide any kind of feeling behind the "I'm so tired" excuse. Mostly because we are indeed tired the whole time.

- "It was an extreme case"- I sipped my cup of tea and nodded at his words- "Do you..."

- "No, I'm ok, I don't wanna talk about it"- he bit his lips as he smiled. We both stayed quiet for a while. He read (somehow, at a relative normal peace), and I drank my tea. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I just looked outside and tried not to think about the unsub's face and how he looked when I killed him.

- "How was your first time?"- I finally asked him, and I think my question caught him by surprise, 'cos he nearly jumped on his seat- "Not your first time in the sack, the first time you had to..."

- "No, I got it, I got it"- he was already blushing, it was adorable- "My first time was actually the first time you drove me home"

- "Really?"

- "Yeah"- he made a pause and gathered his thoughts, I guess- "I didn't really go out to the field a lot before 'cos I didn't have my firearm qualification"

And suddenly I remembered how embarrassed he was about it on my first day at the BAU. Derek made sure everybody knew about it 'cos he thought it was hilarious. And I thought he was a jerk for making fun of him.

- "And did it affect you?"- it was a stupid question. I knew Spencer was a sensitive person; of course, killing someone was going to affect him in many ways- "I mean, how did it affect you?"

- "I couldn't feel anything at first"

- "Shock?"- he nodded and sighed- "Gideon said that maybe I didn't know what I felt and that's why I thought I didn't feel a thing, but that wasn't it, it was like I was numbed inside... but then when it hits you"- he murmured- "And you can't stop thinking about it"

- "I think it hit me sooner than I thought"- I closed my eyes and sighed, but even then, I could feel those empty dead eyes staring at me.

- "Wanna know what helped me?"- Spencer's voice was velvety and soothing. It felt relaxing talking to him.

- "What?"- I whispered and turned to look at him

- "Remember two things: you did what you had to do"- I sighed at that with a small smile. It didn't sound like something I could believe at that moment.

- "And the second?"

- "A lot of kids are alive and safe because of you"

Now, that made me feel a lot better. Reid was right. I did what I had to do to help people. That guy wasn't going to stop.

- "Thanks"- I managed to give him a slight smile, and he did the same.

- "I'm here to talk if you want to"

It felt like he was really making an effort to say those words. I didn't know why it was still so hard for him to talk to me. Maybe it was still a sensitive subject for him, so I did what I do best: I joked about it.

- "Thank you... I'll try to avoid the issue as much as I can, but when I collapse under the pressure, I promise I'll come to you"- he chuckled at my answer and nodded right away.

- "Great plan."

And a few days later, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept waking up to those eyes. I kept feeling guilty for killing a child abuser who was trying to kill me. I relived in my mind that moment over and over again.

- "Babe, come back to bed"- Paul found me sitting by the kitchen island staring at a herbal teacup at two am. It was my third insomnia night.

- "Yeah, I'll be right there"- he turned to walk back to the room but hesitated and looked at me again.

- "Do you want to talk about it?"- I shook my head, still not taking my eyes from the cup. He slowly walked to me and held my hand - "Come on, babe, everything looks worse at two am."

And he was right. Everything seemed to be worse when it came to my mind in the middle of the night. But it didn't get any better during the day either. He cuddled with me in my bed and fell asleep soon after. I just stayed there, feeling his chest moving softly with his soft breathing, thinking I had killed someone, and it wasn't going to be the last time I was going to face something like this.

.

Spencer's point of you

Do you want to know something sad? I was excited we had an unsub in New York 'cos I had never been there. Back then, I didn't know my colleagues were going to tease me about it. I didn't give it too much thought. I honestly wasn't good at leaving my house when we weren't in a case. Most of my traveling had been due to work, and other than La Vegas and Pasadena, I hadn't been to many cities just to sightsee.

Why am I thinking about that right now? 'cos we were in New York the day (Y/N) gave me her first gift.

Everybody had made fun of me during dinner because I didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. JJ tried to teach me, which also caused hours of Morgan's teasing for the rest of the trip. Thankfully, they dropped the jokes when we went back to the police station to take one last look at the profile after we got a call out unsub had killed a cop this time.

But after two hours of thinking, neither of us was honestly able to give any new idea to the case. Hotch insisted we head back to the hotel to have some rest. (Y/N) was one of the last ones to leave, along with Gideon and me.

- "Stop looking at the board"- she said, standing by my side, bag in hand- "Let's go. Your big brain needs to rest."

- "I won't be able to sleep knowing I'm missing something"- I answered, not taking my eyes from the board

- "Come on"- (Y/N) playfully hit my arm- "You need your eight hours of sleep to be a fully functional genius"

- "You should try to get a full night's sleep as well"- I turned to her and watched her eyes widen- "What? Do you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping?"

- "No, but I thought you were going to wait until I had a mental breakdown to force me to talk about it; that was the plan, right?"

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard; she is so funny, though I knew that was a sensitive subject, it had been weeks since the incident, and it was clear (Y/N) wasn't processing everything right. If anything, her jokes were a coping mechanism to avoid talking or even thinking about what had happened.

- "We can also talk about it, just... talk"

- "I know what happens with me, Reid"- she whispered and looked around. Gideon was outside, no way near us, but still, she kept her voice low. It made me see she was scared he would hear her, 'cos she didn't want him to think she was weak.

- "I guess I just have to make peace with it. It was gonna happen, and it will happen again, it's my job, it's part of what I do, end of it."

I looked at her and nodded in silence. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't shake the thought she was going to laugh at me.

- "Do you want to?"- I made a pause and took a deep breath. Yes, I was very nervous- "Do you want to walk back to the hotel? it's just a few blocks and maybe... fresh air can help you relax?"

I didn't mean to hesitate so much, but it was scary for me to ask her to spend time on our own. I don't know why. It wasn't just with her; it happened with everybody at that point in my life. I was sure no one wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?

- "Can we have a midnight cupcake?"- she asked and smiled. I bit my lips and pretended to give the idea a lot of thinking, though I was craving donuts ever since we didn't have time for dessert at dinner.

- "Just one, and no coffee"

- "What are you? The sleeping police?"- she teased me and led the way. We waved at Gideon and walked outside the police station.

For a rainy night, it was freezing. But I didn't care much. I was too busy looking around, it was technically my first night out in New York, and though I was just leaving work and walking back to the hotel, it was the biggest adventure I have had there so far.

For the first couple of minutes, we walked in silence. (Y/N) looked at her feet, hands stuffed in her pocket as I walked next to her, holding my umbrella for the two of us. I tried to take in everything that was going on around us. It was exciting, being there, alone. I was a twenty-four-year-old Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and I was excited to walk with a friend in the New York city streets. No wonder why Morgan called me "kid."

- "Did you know more than 800 languages are spoken in New York City? that makes it the most linguistically diverse city in the world"- I had to start rambling facts after a while because I guess I couldn't help it.

- "Vraiment?"- she answered, and I chuckled. Of course, Master in Linguistics.

- "Oui"- I thought we could have a whole conversation in french; it would have been fun and fascinating, but my French was very rusty, and I didn't know if she was fluent or just learned a few things.

- "When I was a kid, I dreamt about living in New York. I was obsessed with it"- she kept looking down at her feet as she spoke, and I turned to look at her for a second. She looked sad somehow, or that's what I read from her. I've always done my best not to profile profilers. It's harder than you imagine.

- "Why?"- she chuckled at her thoughts and kept her eyes on her shoes.

- "You know how they always make you feel no matter how weird you might be, you are still going to fit in New York?"

- "You are not weird"- I couldn't help but frown and look at her- "You are..."

- "I am weird, we are all weird, that's what makes us great"

I loved that thought. That's why I've never forgotten it. Lie, I can't forget. I remember everything we've said to each other because I want to, not because I have an eidetic memory.

- "But when you are in school, everybody is trying to fit it and be normal, and that wasn't me at all..."

I didn't see that coming, and I have to admit it, I loved it. I often felt I was an outsider at the BAU. Hotch, Gideon, Morgan, Elle, JJ, they all fit in everywhere we'd go. Meanwhile, everybody looked at me, wondering what the hell am I doing there. I could read it on their faces. The fact the team had to introduce me as "Doctor Spencer Reid" is a sign they are making an effort to make me look older and more experienced. Reliable, even.

- "Why would you say you are weird?"- I had to ask- "You look very normal to me, I mean it"- she raised an eyebrow and didn't say a word. She just pulled my jacket and dragged me to a coffee shop.

- "Cupcakes, Reid, you can't expect me to tell you embarrassing facts about my life without a cup of coffee and a mountain of sugar."

JJ always said I ate like a kid, too many pastries and candy, no salad. Meanwhile, (Y/N) kept pushing sugar into my body. I liked that. They were both so different. JJ treated me like I didn't know how to deal with life. (Y/N) treated me like I could help her deal with life. JJ wanted to help me grow up. I could feel (Y/N) wanted to be my friend, and I loved that. I had never felt someone longing for my company. It was always the opposite. I usually felt people were stuck with me.

For months I kept comparing the two of them in my head. JJ had such condescending manners, it sometimes made me think she might actually have feelings for me. Other times, Morgan would call her my mom, which took all the hopes from my mind.

- "What do you do in your free time, Reid?"- (Y/N) sat in front of me in a booth. Right in between us, a table with two coffees, a red velvet cupcake, and a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles.

- "I read, study..."- I didn't give much thought to my answers- "I also write a letter to my mom every day"

- "That's so cute"- I felt how my cheeks turned blood red, and she smiled at me sweetly.

- "Thanks..."- I sipped my hot cappuccino and winced as the coffee burned my tongue, and she chuckled.

- "Slowly, doc, or are you in a hurry?"

- "Definitely not, I have no other plan, I mean, I could sleep, but I know I won't, and, and I know you won't sleep either, so"- the words left my mouth at such a fast pace, not even I got them all. (Y/N) nodded and started taking apart her cupcake, little by little.

- "That's awesome, 'cos I like hanging out with you, and I don't feel like hanging out with Elle tonight. We are sharing rooms."

- "You don't like her?"- now that was breaking news- "I thought you two got along"

- "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I just don't feel like being the version of myself I am when I'm with her"

I looked at her, not sure of where she was going. She took a piece of cake and ate it slowly.

- "You lost me"- (Y/N) sighed and ran a finger around the edge of her cup.

- "Are you really you the whole time when you are at work, Reid?"

- "Well, yes?"- I wasn't sure that was the answer she wanted, but it was the only one I had- "I don't know how to be anybody else"

That was the whole truth. That's still the truth. Maybe that's why I have never been popular. People say I have no empathy, that I can't read any social cues. If I knew how to be someone else, I would probably try to change that and be a Spencer that's entirely sympathetic and social, like everybody else. But I can't force myself to act differently.

She stared at me, and I could feel the frustration piling behind her small smile.

- "Do you want to know something weird?"- her eyes shone as she stared into mines asking the question

- "Always"

- "You are the only person at the BAU I feel I can be myself with"- she whispered and sipped her coffee again.

- "Thanks?"- I was confused- "But... you are not that different with me than you are with the rest of the team"

- "Well, I am... I don't share who I really am at work because I am afraid"

- "Why? What scares you?"- she sighed and laid back on the seat. I kept my eyes fixated on her until she furrowed her brows, staring back at me

- "Are you trying to profile me, Spencer? 'cos we are not supposed to profile each other. I'm pretty sure it was in the contract I signed"- I smiled, busted, and nodded.

- "If it makes you feel any better, you are hard to read"

- "I'm a good liar, don't tell anyone"

She was proud of her answer, and I guess she should have been. You have to be an excellent liar to catch unsubs, get in their head, play with them when you have to make them talk. I guess she was ahead of me in that area.

- "Well, If it makes you feel better, I feel more comfortable around you than most of the team"

I closed my eyes as I spoke, and I knew my voice had been so low and soft, it hadn't been surprising if she hadn't been able to hear me, but she did.

- "Is it because I don't like touching people either?"- she joked, and a small smile stretched across my lips

- "It is because you"- I stopped and rearranged my thoughts. You could tell she was eager to hear the rest of my answer, and I was making sure not to make a fool out of myself.

- "It's because it feels you don't judge me for being me"

- "That's exactly how I feel, Spencer"- her smile was so big it made mine grow bigger as well.

- "But, why can't you be you with everybody?"- (Y/N) took a big bite of her cupcake, feeling more confident about our conversation and nodding.

- "Mmm, this is so damn good, you should try it, Reid"

- "Answer the question, (Y/N)"- I ignored her random comment and asked again- "Why can't you just be you?"

- "There are two answers to that question, and both of them are real"- she finally confessed and bit her lips, playing again with a little piece of cake on the dish.

- "I'm waiting"

- "You know, for someone who said has all the night off, you are indeed in a hurry now!"- she snickered and stuck out her tongue at me.

- "Fine, here's the truth: I don't want to share my whole real me at work because I am scared people will judge me and think I'm weird and too immature for the job, but at the same time, and this is the second reason, I don't wanna show my whole me at work 'cos I am afraid I'll lose it along the way, I am worried the FBI will take that weird part of me and will turn me into an SSA."

- "You are an S.S.A., (Y/N)"

- "I know, but I'm afraid I might end up being an ASS, Reid"

Her joke made me laugh so hard, tears fell down my cheeks. And she looked pleased to see me laughing.

- "See? That's me, the girl telling weird jokes the whole time 'cos can't stand a serious "grown-up" conversation. Can you imagine this (Y/N) talking with Hotch? Seriously, Reid, can you imagine?"

- "No, I can't"- I shook my head, still chuckling, and took a bit of my donut- "But I would definitely love to."

- "Do you want to know what I do in my free time?"- my mouth was still full, so I just nodded, feeling a little guilty I hadn't asked about her when she had asked about my hobbies.

- "I ride my longboard and play bass, do you think an SAA should be doing that? Do you think Elle does it? JJ? they are the perfect fit for the role. I am that kid at the back of the class who got a stroke of luck and managed to hang out with the cool kids"

- "Am I one of the cool kids?"- I had to ask

- "Yes, Reid, why?"

- "I've never been one of the cool kids before"- she gave me a severe look and sipped her coffee.

- "Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out for you, and all you care about is being one of the popular kids. That's being a lousy friend, Reid."

She was joking, and we both chuckled, but my chest tightened at her words, and the smile on my lips grew wider. She called me her friend for the first time that night.

- "I think you are overthinking this whole thing, (Y/N)"- she sighed at my words and finished her coffee- "We are all weird, you said it yourself"

- "Some on us more than other"

- "Yes, but that's what makes us great and unique. I told you, your vision brings a whole new point of view to the profiles, and I know what it's like to feel insecure people will judge you for being too young"

- "I know, that's why I'm glad you are here"

I am sure I was blushing, and I am absolutely certain she noticed because I heard her giggle as I looked down at my empty dish and fidgeted with my cup.

- "And... are"- I stuttered and narrowed my eyes. I knew I had to stop being so nervous around her; she was my friend, she had said it herself- "Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?"

- "Are you profiling I have nightmares?"- she raised an eyebrow and questioned my question

- "I am staring at the back rings under your eyes. It's clear you haven't been sleeping and considering we both know you went through a traumatic incident, to call it that way, you are clearly going through night terrors or nightmares"

- "Did you go through the same?"

- "Yes, I did"

- "And how did you overcome it?"

- "I haven't. I just made my peace with it"- you could read the deception on her face. That wasn't the answer she was waiting for.

- "They will be more sporadically, I promise, (Y/N)"

- "That's what's scares me too"

- "What?"

- "That one day I won't have the nightmares 'cos I'll be used to seeing the darkness and horror around me."

When we left the cafeteria, it was two in the morning, and the night was freezing. It was no longer raining, and the cold wind could freeze your skin in a second. (Y/N) looked at me as I shivered and opened her bag.

- "Here, put this on"- it was a purple scarf.

- "Thank you"- I was so cold I didn't hesitate. The wool was warm, soft, and it smelled like her- "It's pretty"- I felt I had to compliment it, 'cos she was too nice with me.

- "I made it myself"- you could tell she was proud. I tightened it around my neck and continued our way back to the hotel.

I hadn't felt I could count on someone at the FBI as I did with her. She wouldn't think I'm a kid; she wouldn't be forced to hang out with me. It felt pretty good to have a friend again. Ethan had been the last one I had lost. I always lose the people I love.

- "Thank you"- we were standing outside (Y/N)'s room back at the hotel. I took off the scarf and tried to give it back to her, but she didn't let me.

- "Keep, it's a present for being my first and best BAU friend"- I felt profoundly flattered, and I'm pretty sure I giggled, blushing- "Besides, purple looks good on you"

- "It's my favorite color"- I confessed- "And I'm not saying it just to make you feel good"

- "Then you have to keep it. It was made for you even when I didn't know it"- she smiled one more time and opened the door- "Good night, Reid."

- "Good night, (Y/N)."

----------

Series Masterlist

Chapter two

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#spencer reid #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #penelope garcia #jeniffer jareau #jason gideon #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x you #diwk

[seokjinsonlyone]

fall into your blu

pairing: seokjin x female reader

summary: “You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

genre: friends to lovers; fluff; slow burn? kinda

warnings: there’s like a brief joking mention of booty calls; oc is like securely insecure; not much else really lol

rating: pg

wc: 7.1k

“I’m sorry I can’t... accept... this?” She winced, closing the door behind him. Felt kind of bad for not letting him get more than five feet into her place before shooting him down. She just didn’t want to have this conversation outside her building. Felt worse for referring to his confession as if it were a dirty gym sock.

His face fell. “Why not?” She doesn’t know what he thought would happen in this situation honestly. They’ve been friends for a good few years. Jin’s seen what she’s like when these kinds of things happen. 

“Because I’m not pretty,” she stated plainly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which, to her, it was. 

“You are,” he refuted.

“I’m not.” She wasn’t. She consumed enough media and spent enough time around actual pretty people in her lifetime to note the difference.

“You are to me.”

And well, okay, she wasn’t going to argue with him. Wasn’t any point in that. “But, like, I’m not, and I mean that’s fine for me. Like I accepted it a while ago, but it’s not fine for you.” 

And it was fine. Not being pretty wasn’t the end of. It didn’t make her any less valuable as a person. In fact, it helped her develop a top tier personality. Also, less people bothered her and she didn’t have to worry about anyone having high expectations for her simply because of her appearance. Sure, she cried over her lack of physical beauty every few months, but who didn’t? Such was life as a twenty something.

 “Are you saying this because you don’t like me? You can just tell me if you don’t.” He asked, narrowing his eyes at her, trying to read between the lines of her statement. There wasn’t anything underlying it, though.

“I mean... honestly I can’t say that I’ve put too much thought into us, like, together. But that’s, mainly because you’re out of my league.” Sure when they first met sometimes he’d smile at her and her heart would drop or her stomach would erupt with butterflies when he texted her, but she never let it get much further than that. Nipped it right in the bud. There was no point in a two pining over a ten. Okay, she didn’t see herself quite as a two. On her best days, she was a solid five maybe a five and a half with confidence but still. So, she settled into the role of friend easily and she liked it there. There was no ambiguity, she didn’t have to torture herself trying to analyze every little thing he did and said to her because there was no possibility of more. Until now, she guessed.

“I’m literally not?” He was. 

“You are though.” Jin opened his mouth but she shook her head explaining further. “Objectively speaking, you’re very handsome and you’re a good dude on top of that. We’re friends right?”

He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay and friends should push each other to do better. which is why I can’t accept... your feelings?” She couldn’t wrap her head around the idea that he could possibly want to be anything other than friends. She couldn’t believe they were actually friends. The only time she was friends with straight males were when they were friends with her pretty friends and thus were forced into spending time with her and realized she was actually cool aside from, like, not being pretty. “You can get someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“What if I don’t want someone who’s hot and a good person?”

“Then you’re stupid,” she snorted. “I want someone who’s hot and a good person.”

“You literally just said I was both of those things.”

“Yeah, but that’s unrealistic. What would we look like walking next to each other holding hands?”

“A couple.”

She curled her lips at him. “Yeah, a couple of clowns.”

His lips dropped into a small pout clearly unamused with her line of reasoning, which again was very confusing seeing as she was spitting facts. The logic was impenetrable. “I’m being serious,” he whined, “ It took a lot to work up the courage to say something, and you’re kind of breaking my heart.”

And, well she didn’t want that. Like, she didn’t do feelings. Most days she’d rather die than emote, but she ain’t want to break his heart. She sighed, sitting on the couch and running her hands down her face, decidedly tucking her humor-coated defense mechanism away and tried to level with him. “I just don’t understand where all this is coming from?” 

Which wasn’t the entire truth. She noticed he was acting a bit different toward her, a little more soft (lending her his jacket and tucking her underneath his arm when she was cold), a tad more vulnerable (sometimes when she asked the classic ‘how are you?’ he actually told her instead of responding ‘i’m fine’), a bit more thoughtful (when she was over his place the other day and was feeling a bit peckish he had some of her favorite snacks, even the ones he didn’t particularly care for. She looked at him like he had grown a second head, but he shrugged it off with a ‘you like it, don’t you?’). So, she can’t say this is all completely coming from left field, but she genuinely didn’t expect a confession. Didn’t expect him to grab her hand before she could go inside after dropping her off from their day out and tell her “I like you. I like you so much.”

Absently, she wonders if their outing had been some sort of ‘not date’ date. Now that she was thinking about it, they’d been spending a lot of time together just the two of them lately. The first few times when he invited her out she’d come expecting at least a few of their other friends to be with him, but didn’t really think much of their absence. She enjoyed his company and didn’t want him to think otherwise. 

She also wonders if she had been subconsciously leading him on. She never actually rejected any of his advances, if that’s what they actually were. When he wrapped his arm around her, she leaned into his touch. It was, it was odd, but not unwelcome because she was cold. When he confided in her, she listened and tried her best to be comforting and boost him up. As a friend, she felt that was her obligation. When he bought her snacks or paid for her meals, she didn’t put up too much of a fight because well a) free food and b) she treated more than a few times.

“You don’t have to look like Beyoncé for me to be attracted to you.”

She stared at him blankly. He had a point there. Even though she wasn’t anything to write home about and despite her earlier declaration that she wanted someone who was hot, she definitely had crushes on a few people who were worse for wear to say the least. She also knew that if he was here telling her about anyone else, Beyoncé or not, she’d be happy telling him to go for it. But, it wasn’t anyone else. It was her. And, her brain was quite literally short circuiting at the thought of him… and her… them… together. 

Her silence was perturbing him. She could tell by the way he forced a smile onto his face and stood up. “Hey, look, don’t worry about it. It’s, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

But, she wasn’t worried about that. She knew they’d be okay. They had the same personality type. They were very similar in many ways. She knew that if she really wasn’t for it, they’d still be friends. She would give him a little space, and if they happened to be brought together through their mutual friends she’d ignore whatever crush he’d allowed himself to develop and pretend everything was fine. Jin would deal with his feelings privately and put on a smile in front of her. It might be a bit awkward for a while, but they’d be okay. She knew that. It’s why she reached out her hand, interlocking their fingers, to stop him before he walked away. 

“Hey, don’t– don’t go. I mean, you can if you want to, but like–“ What was she trying to say? If you looked into her brain it’d probably resemble that one episode of spongebob when all the files got thrown out trying to figure out fine dining and everything was up in flames. The little hers running around her mind didn’t know what to do. She took a deep breath. “Like I said before, I haven’t really thought about us, but I’m not… opposed to it.”

His shoulders slouched and he released a breath looking back down at her, squeezing her palm. “Okay, okay, that’s good. A chance is all I’m asking for.” He shot her a small smile, then flicked her forehead.  “I’ll still go, though. Let you get a head start on thinking. I know it takes you a while.”

Her jaw dropped feeling utterly scandalised. “I changed my mind. I don’t even wanna be friends anymore.”

“Pffftttt. You wouldn’t be able to live without me.”

She scoffed in return. “Yeah right. In your dreams.”

“Yes, you are.” He dropped a wink and spun out the door.

She stared blankly in his wake. Did he just admit to dreaming about her? 

She sank down further in the bathtub, face being the only thing left unsubmerged. Well, her face and like the entirety of her legs. They were leant against the wall of the shower. She wasn’t tall by any means, but her tub definitely was not meant for the soaking she liked to do. 

Despite being young, she felt like she inhabited the body of someone twice her age and could honestly lay semi conscious in hot water (nearing cool by the time she got out) until you couldn’t distinguish her from a dried date. She also just liked being in the bathroom because it was the only place she was truly alone and disconnected. Well, her phone was always an arms length away because not having her phone nearby gave her anxiety and not every time she entered a bathroom did she want to be left to her thoughts. Too much time in her mind was detrimental to her mental well-being. 

However, she had a lot to dissect tonight. She thought taking a bath would calm her down and while it did help channel her thoughts a bit, it did nothing to stop the fluttering in her heart. It was nice to know that she was liked. That someone saw something in her she didn’t see in herself. It also helped that said person was one of the most objectively handsome people she’s ever seen. But, that’s what worried her the most. It was fine that he liked her. It would be fine if that was all it was. If she could live in this purgatory of being liked, of having his attention no strings attached she would. She held the upper hand. He essentially handed his heart over to her while hers was still firmly beating in her own chest. But, what would happen if she started to reciprocate his feelings? If she gave him her heart in return?

Because the thing is, she knows it would be easy to give into him. It was easy being his friend. They just clicked in all the right places. It’s not like they were super close. Like, they’d definitely grown closer over the last few months, enthralling each other in late night text conversations and sending so many voice messages one could argue that they’d might as well been on a phone call (that consumed a very different level of social energy they both rarely could expel tho), but again it wasn’t the fear of losing him that made her hesitate. It was the fear of losing herself. If she gave herself over to him fully and somewhere along the line he decided he didn’t want her, it’d devastate her. She could almost see the heartbreak, the loss of self esteem, the ongoing existential crises from there. It was scary. 

And it’s not like she thought Jin would intentionally hurt her because she didn’t; she trusted him. He was very honest and sincere. It was something she greatly admired about him. He was soft in all the places she was hard. Rounded in all the places she was sharp, and it made her grateful that life was kind of enough to grant him such privileges. Life hadn’t been as kind to her. When you grow up not being pretty on top of lacking social skills on top of having uncommon interests, things tend to be a bit different, more difficult. 

Still, she wondered when would she ever get this opportunity again? It’d taken this long for one to arise, who knows if another chance would ever come.  And as much as she liked to think about each and every way this situation could go wrong she owed it to Jin, to herself, to think about what could happen if things went right. Typically hope and expectations were squashed down immediately. It was the number one way to play yourself, but just this once she allowed her mind to wander to the optimism deep within.

Them as a couple seemed a bit far fetched from a bird’s eye view, but personally she could kind of see them together. She could see herself happy with him and vice versa. Could almost make out him staring at her in adoration. Maybe they could be in love. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. But maybe. Just maybe, it might work. 

She felt strange. In a good way. Kind of like she unlocked some sort of hidden secret to life. She felt normal. And, it’s not like she was some kind of weird, misfit, loner. She was cool. She had a good group of friends. She had acquaintances. Her coworkers all liked her and they bonded over their mutual dissatisfaction with their place of employment. But, she’d never had whatever this was. Sure, she’s been the object of a few people’s affections but never ones she would ever think about looking twice at. In turn, she’s had a few crushes who didn’t look in her direction. This was different though, Jin was looking at her and he was… definitely in her peripherals.

It wasn’t as if years of repressed feelings came rushing to the surface when he told her he liked her because they genuinely weren’t like that. But, the more she toyed with the idea the more appealing it sounded. She couldn’t allow herself to dive head first though. She needed to be sure this was real. It’s why she texted him after a few days of very little interaction, only signs of life in the videos she sent him from tiktok and his phone generated reactions.

[6:42pm] y/n: you up? 👀

She tried to be as casual as possible, but she’d never been this nervous texting him before. A little afraid he’d rescind his confession.

[6:45pm] jinnie from the block: it’s not even 7 why wouldn’t i be up

[6:47pm] y/n: ion know 🤷‍♀️ i heard old people go to sleep early

[6:47pm] y/n: have dinner round bout 4 and sleep by the time sun sets

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: omg i’m not that much older than you

[6:48pm] jinnie from the block: anyway what’s up? this a booty call??

She nearly dropped her phone on her face.

[6:48pm] y/n: JIN ADSFLJADSFLJ

[6:48pm] y/n: have some decency booty call hours are between 10pm and 3am

[6:49pm] y/n: ion make them kinds of propositions in the light of day 😤🤚

[6:49pm] y/n: no omg i just wanted to know if you wanted to grab lunch tomorrow?

[6:51pm] jinnie from the block: booty ✍️  call ✍️ between ✍️ 10 ✍️  and ✍️ 3 ✍️. Got it.

[6:52pm] jinnie from the block: you asking me out on a date??? 👁👄👁

Her brain short circuited once again. Was she asking him out on a date? She didn’t think she was. She might’ve been. She was going to tell him that she was going to give him the chance he asked for. Things would change a little after that, wouldn’t they? They’d be like seeing each other. She was probably making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. She could tell she definitely was when he texted her again after she failed to respond for five minutes.

[6:57pm] jinnie from the block: hey sorry i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable

[6:58pm] jinnie from the block: i was just joking. it doesn’t have to be a date 

[7:01pm] y/n: lol no ur fine that was fine i’m just being 🤠😃🤡

[7:02pm] y/n: i mean it’s not not a date

[7:02pm] y/n: like what really is a date 🧐

[7:03pm] y/n: according to google it’s a social or romantic appointment or engagement so i guess technically it is a date

[7:04pm] jinnie from the block: sweet ❤️ where we going

Now she was standing in front of the place they’d arranged to meet up, telling herself to calm down. No need to be feeling lightheaded at the sight of Jin. It was just her friend who liked her. Her friend that could be her boyfriend in a few weeks. It was fine. Everything was fine. She decidedly squashed the majority of those feelings down and entered the building. She was already ten minutes late, but he should’ve known by now that time was relative to her.

She circled her head around the area trying to spot him. She for sure saw his car in the lot. It didn’t take long to find him seated in a booth at the far corner of the restaurant. Was a wave a sufficient greeting? Was she supposed to hug him? A handshake would be weird, right? Why was she so unfamiliar with the protocol for this situation? So caught up in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized she already approached the table and was hovering awkwardly next to it. 

He scrunched his face up at her. “Don’t be weird about it. Sit down.”

“I’m not being weird about it.” She was. But, like, now she didn’t know where to sit. Across from him? That left room for a lot of eye contact. Did she want that? Sitting next to him felt rather intimate though. She didn’t get to make that decision as Jin rolled his eyes and pulled her down into the spot next to him then flicked her head. She let out a small squeak at the action. “Why you keep doing that?”

“Because you keep being weird.”

“I’m cooler than you,” she scoffed. 

“Are you?”

“Yes,” she bit back before retracting her answer, giggling. “No. Well, maybe. See you act weird and then apologise for it. I never apologise for my weird behaviour.”

He raised one brow at her. “And that makes you cooler than me?”

“Uh, yah. In movies, the cool girl is always the one who’s quirky and never apologises for being so.”

“Mhm. Okay,” he said dismissively, beginning to peruse the menu. “If you could be in a movie, which one would you be in?”

“A bug’s life,” she replied immediately.

His eyes widened, looking down at her. “No hesitation? A Bug’s Life? Have you been waiting to be asked this your whole life?”

She shrugged. “No, it was just the first movie that popped into my head. I’ll stick to it, though. You got an innovative social outcast who brings together a ragtag bunch of misfits who end up starting and winning a class war and saving their people from subsequent oppression. Overthrowing the bourgeoisie? Now that’s what I’ve been waiting my whole life to do.”

He chuckled. “I can’t believe you just used the word ragtag.”

“Using the word ragtag is also something I’ve been waiting my whole life to do. There are surprisingly little opportunities to use it. You know what else there is surprisingly little of? Quicksand.”

From there they launched into conversation about any and everything. She was talking so much, so animatedly that she barely touched her food. She’d take a bite every now and then when he tapped her plate with his utensils, but he ultimately picked at her food more than she did, stealing small bites in between her musings on various conspiracy theories. It wasn’t rare for her to not eat while engaged in conversation, but it was rare for her to be engaged so deeply in conversation outside her really close girl friends. She took a mental note at the fact and added it to the ever growing list of reasons why being with him wouldn’t be so bad. 

At some point, she’d begun to turn towards him, so much so that by the time she’d gotten a to-go box for the rest of her meal that she was nearly completely facing him. He was listening to her ramble on about straws being a cash grab by the fast food industry with his elbow on the table, head propped up on his hand, a small smile gracing his face when he reached for her hair sweeping a few strands that escaped from the mass of curls she had pinned back away from her eye. She stopped talking instantly, mind going blank. She ain’t never had her hair swept back, her face gently caressed by a man.

“You’re blushing.”

“Am not,” she protested, face heating up further.

“You are.” 

She wanted to knock the amused smirk off his face. Retribution would come at some point. “I’m brown. You can’t tell if I’m blushing.”

He snorted. “It’s written all over your face and,” he pressed a palm to her cheek, “your cheeks are on fire.”

She smacked his hand away. “They’re not. I’m just naturally hot blooded.” That was a lie. They both knew it.

“You’re anemic. You are the coldest person I know. You cry when the weather drops below 70.”

“Shut up,” she mumbled, hiding her face in her hands. It was in her moment of shame, unintentionally expressing feelings, that she remembered the whole reason they were there in the first place. She always forgot herself once she got started up on the bourgeoisie. Still, she was unsure how to approach the topic. She wrestled back and forth for a few seconds before mentally shrugging. Direct was probably best. They were both grown. “So… you like me?”

He gulped, seemingly nervous at the shift in topic. “Hey, listen, like I said don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“I mean… if you want me to forget about it I will. Otherwise, I was willing to worry about it.” 

His eyes widened at you, catching your gaze before looking downwards. “Really?”

She smacked his arm, sliding out of the booth and grabbing the bag holding her food which he took out of her hand after he slid out. “What? You think I’m mean or something?” To be fair she was a little mean, but she wasn’t cruel. “You think I would sit here and have lunch with you if I was gonna tell you to leave me alone after?”

“I don’t know! You were calling me bro this whole time. I thought you were preparing me for the friendzone!”

She rolled her eyes. “Bro, I call everyone bro.”

“That’s not true. You call children honey,” he corrected, holding the door open for her.

She pursed her lips at him. It was weird to know that Jin had been actively perceiving her. Like he just knew stuff about her. And it’s not like she didn’t know anything about him; they’d been friends for a while. But, she didn’t pay special attention to things like how he addressed children. It made her feel… something. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. It’s just…” she gesticulated wildly trying to figure out the right words to say. “I don’t know. It’s weird that you notice me. That you like me. Nobody likes me.”

“My name’s Seokjin actually,” he joked. She rolled her eyes. “Besides I’ve been noticing you for a while, there’s a lot to like,” he admitted, voice softening.

Her heart squeezed in her chest. She liked the way he made her feel. It was scary, but she liked it. She liked it so much that she threw caution to the wind and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together as they walked side by side. She could feel him burning a whole into the side of her face, but she refused to make eye contact. She was acting so out of character. She was going to have a serious chat with herself later. “Don’t be weird about it,” she mimicked.

He giggled but stopped staring at her so she guessed it was alright. “You into PDA?”

“Ummm… I don’t think so? It doesn’t seem like something I’d be very into. I mean, this is okay,” she answered, swinging their conjoined hands slightly before tacking on, “Is this– is this okay for you?” and looking up timidly. 

“This is okay for me,” he confirmed, squeezing her hand. “You’re so cute. You try to act all icy like you’re the abominable snowman, but really you’re just bigfoot.”

“I can’t believe you just called me cute and bigfoot in the same sentence.”

“Well, you’re definitely not a normal creature.”

“But, why I gotta be a cryptid?”

“What would you prefer to be?”

She mulled it over for a few moments. “Nah. You’re right bigfoot works for me. A myth and a legend is what I strive to be.”

“It’s what you already are.”

She smiled to herself as they continued walking. She didn’t know where they were going seeing as they both drove but didn’t speak up. She liked this. Liked how normal everything felt. They were like how they always were except now they held hands and flirted a little. It was nice. 

“Hey,” he said a few minutes later, pulling her from her thoughts, loosening his grip on her hand and opening the door to an ice cream shop. Hmmm. A man with a plan. Nice. “You wanna go to Jimin’s later? He invited me yesterday.”

“Is Jungkook gonna be there?” She asked absentmindedly, filling her cup with various flavours.  

“Why?”

“He’s my little brother, and I love him.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “He’s six months older than you and Korean.”

“First of all, families can look however they want. It’s what’s on the inside the counts. Has Lilo and Stitch taught you nothing? Ohana means family,” she countered, sitting at one of the tables. “Second, age is a social construct.”

“Alright, I can let you slide on your first point, but age is not a social construct.”

“It is, though. Think about it. What is one year? The time it takes the earth to revolve around the sun. The earth was just in a slightly different position than it was when he was born from when I was born. Think about it in terms of light years. 1 light year is about 5.9 trillion miles. The earth travels about 584 million miles around the sun. Cut that in half and you get 292 million miles. Which is like 5 hundredths of 1 light year. Scale that down and you’re literally sitting further than how much older Jungkook is than me.”

He stared blankly at her. “You say so much nonsense on a regular basis that I forget how smart you are. But, also it’s impressive how you’re able to say such nonsense in such an intelligent manner.”

“It’s part of my charm.”. 

He shook his head. “Anyway, Jungkook?”

“He owes me $10. Keeps asking me to buy him snacks or adding his stuff to mine when we go to the convenience store. If he’s there, I plan to attack.” He hummed in response. “What about Yoongi? And before you ask me why, it’s because he’s my soulmate.”

“I hate to break it to you babe, but Yoongi is my soulmate.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I don’t. I’ve known him longer.”

She scoffed. “Okay, and? In most dramas they introduce the second male lead first. You just paved the way for me homie.”

“You and Yoongi are the same person and therefore cannot be soulmates.”

She paused mid bite. “That’s fair. I guess he can be my duplicate and your soulmate. I would say he’s my twin, but he already banned me from calling him that.”

“So, you in?”

“Mmm… I guess.” A thought suddenly occurred to her. “What are we gonna do about–“ she gestured between the two of them, “Like, I mean I know this is like, brand new, fresh from the womb. But–“

“They know,” he breathed out through a laugh, ending her rambling.

“They know?” Her eyebrows shot up. They knew? Was she the only one in their group oblivious to his feelings? 

“Well, they know everything up until what happened today. You mad?” he asked, obviously worried at the possibility of upsetting her.

She wasn’t particularly nosy. Wouldn’t have pried too much even if she suspected something was up. Still she didn’t like being out the loop. But, she guessed she was the most in the loop now, so there wasn’t really anything to be upset about now. Only thing she could hope for is that whatever they were doing worked out. It’d be humiliating otherwise. “Nah. Those are your boys. I get it.” 

He was allowed to talk to them about his life even if it did involve her. Even if they were friends as well. She would eventually tell her girls. She was just a bit emotionally stunted and unnecessarily private so it took longer to open up about her life. She would tell them sometime soon. Or they would find out from one of the guys and be cornered into spilling everything. Whichever came first. That was, if this even amounted to anything.

She hoped it did.

Thirty minutes before she was supposed to get off, she sent a text to Jin letting him know she definitely would not be getting off in thirty minutes. It sucked because she hadn’t seen him in a week, and they were supposed to be going on a date tonight. There was no way, though, that she could leave her department in good conscience. She just added it to the ever growing list of frustrations that had been piling up. 

Today was the third day in a row her coworkers left the entire day’s work for her during the night. How could two people waste eight hours (sixteen total) doing absolutely nothing? She didn’t like to work herself but she did it because that was what she was being paid to do. She did it because she hated for others to be left with an overwhelming amount of tasks. Apparently, she was the only one who shared such a sentiment in her department. 

To add insult to injury she also hadn’t slept very well that night, she didn't get a chance to eat or drink today, and she missed Jin. She took a deep breath, pushing away the burning sensation building behind her eyes and kept moving.

Within five minutes of entering her home, she was in the shower eager to wash the day away. She sighed deeply as the hot water hit her shoulders, cascading down the rest of her body. It allowed her to get rid of the thoughts of work. She didn’t like to bring it home physically or mentally. What happened happened. Knowing her coworkers it would probably happen again. She truly liked them as people but sometimes their work ethic made her want to strangle them. 

Now her main concern was Jin. They’d been dating for a little over a month and a half. Or, well, seeing each other. Things still hadn’t been labelled. They went on dates though. Was that considered dating? She made a mental note to google dating. Either way, she missed him. A lot. More than she thought she would. And, it’s not like they saw each other every single day, but seven consecutive days was a lot. She’s kind of grateful for it though. It made her realize how much she liked him. Up until now, she was still approaching everything surrounding him with a healthy level of skepticism. Feeling him out. Feeling herself out. Trying to see if continuing down this road was really worth it. If it was something she truly wanted not because she liked to be liked but because she liked him. 

And, she did. So much. Before he was just her very chaotic friend. Her go-to for group shenanigans. But when she really paid attention to him, there was just so much to like. She liked how he texted her good morning and good night every day. First, she thought it was corny. Asked him why he was texting her like her grandma only for her heart to end up in a puddle when he told her he had to let her know he was thinking of her when he first woke up and just before he went to sleep. She liked how respectful he was of her boundaries (even when she didn’t necessarily want him to be). “I know I have a bit of a head start, so I’m sorry if that was too much. I don’t want to rush you,” he’d apologized a few weeks ago after kissing her cheek while dropping her home. It caught her a bit off guard, yeah, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Like at all. And yeah she did still like how chaotic he was. Liked how he helped her beat up Jungkook that one night (she didn’t really want any money back. She never minded buying him snacks here and there. Just didn’t want him to know that and get too comfortable. Had to keep the upper hand for the big sister agenda). He was still her best friend and she liked that. 

She planned on telling him as much tonight, which was why this turn of events was so upsetting. Deep down she knew that a few more days wouldn’t be so bad. It wasn’t a life or death situation. It would be fine. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But, as it stood none of her basic needs were being met and her day was awful and she just couldn’t bring the little optimism that lived deep, deep, deep down within her to the surface. So, it was with a heavy heart that she got dressed following her shower and began her daily stare down with the contents of her refrigerator.

She has no idea why she didn’t stop and get food before she came home. She knew she ain’t have anything. Can’t imagine why she thought ‘the food at the crib’ (rotting spinach, a tangerine, and cranberry-grape juice) was gonna sustain her. A whine bubbled up in her throat and the burning sensation behind her eyes returned with a vengeance. She was seconds away from unloading the emotional baggage the week packed onto her, when a knock sounded at the door.

Quickly, she swallowed back all her feelings and prayed whoever decided to show up would be quick lest they be subject to her breakdown. Yet, it was precisely the person at the door who launched her breakdown into full speed.

Jin. With takeout.

She was so overcome with emotion at the sight of him that she immediately burst into tears. She made it a point not to cry too often because it was an ordeal for her. Her eyes got all red and puffy and she got a headache then she needed to sleep. An ordeal. Probably because when she cried she tended to cry for her past, present, and future; but that was a story for a therapy session she’d probably never go to. 

He quickly sat the food down on her coffee table and wrapped her in his arms as she gave way to tears. She cried for all the bad things she’d been going through. She cried for the week they spent apart. She cried for the awful day she had. She cried because her next shift would probably be just as bad. Unexpectedly, though, she also cried tears of relief. She was so relieved that Jin was there. She’s missed him so much. She was relieved he brought food because she was starving. She was relieved he cared about her at all. “What are you doing here?” she hiccuped out, attempting to even out her breathing and draw this crying spell to a close.

“I still wanted to hang out tonight,” he explained gently, “Also my spidey senses told me you hadn’t ate yet.”

She choked out a laugh, nuzzling her face further into his chest. Not quite ready to leave the cocoon she’d trapped herself in. She needed a moment to gather herself and her thoughts together because the urge to spill her guts was raging. She knew the second she looked into his eyes she’d be giving her heart to him. Also, she really enjoyed the way his hands rubbed circles on her back. 

They stayed huddled for a couple more minutes before she pulled back, looking up at him. He was so beautiful up close it was unreal. He brought his hands up from her waist, cupping her cheeks, wiping away a few stray tears with his thumb. “Don’t look at me like that. I know I look like a teletubby right now.”

“You actually look like Mrs. Puff.” 

She stuttered out another laugh, smacking his chest noting the wet patch she left. “I’m sorry about your shirt.”

“It’ll dry.” He dropped his hands back down, this time settling upon her hips. “Are you okay? You wanna talk about it?”

She shook her head. Didn’t feel like rehashing her day. Would rather live in this moment. “Just a very long day and I– I, um–“ she gulped, forcing the words out “–I missed you.” She was on a roll now. Might as well get it all out there. “A lot. And… I really like you Seokjin. I’m sorry it took so long to say it. But, um, yeah I do. And, I want to be with you.”

Her eyes remained firmly fixed on his chest, heat washing over her form. Why did she feel so embarrassed right now? It’s not like he was going to reject her. Still, she refused to meet his gaze. That was until he lifted her chin with his finger. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Her eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. “Don’t be weird about it,” he smiled, cupping her face with one hand and bringing the hand at her hip to her neck, pressing their lips together.

She knew it was coming. He literally announced it before he started kissing her, but it didn’t stop her entire body from tensing up the second as she felt the gentle pressure of his lips against hers. In fact, she felt herself astral projecting, soul hovering just outside of her body to confirm it was inhabiting the right person. Then, all at once she came back to herself and melted into his touch slowly bringing her arms to wrap around his waist. Why hadn’t they been doing this the whole time? When will she be able to do it again?

He gently sucked on her bottom lip for a few seconds before pulling away slightly leaving a series of pecks in his wake. He rested his forehead against hers as they broke apart. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like she was gonna throw up. Or cry. Or both. This probably wasn’t the best position for him. He had a good few inches on her. Still, she didn’t want to pop the bubble they’d created. That was until her stomach loudly rumbled doing exactly that. 

Her mind then became solely preoccupied with obtaining some form of sustenance. “What kind of food did you bring?” she asked, dropping to her knees in front of the coffee table where the abandoned takeout was sitting and rifling through the bags herself. “Chinese. Nice.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “That’s my girl.”

“So… you’re my boyfriend now,” she stated leaning back against the couch once her food tunnel vision widened out. Which was, like, kind of a big deal. She was never one to define relationships even if it was pretty obvious. Didn’t like to take the chance of being rejected. But, he’d put himself out there enough. She could do this one thing and she was like 87.2% sure they were on the same page. 

“It seems so.”

He wrapped an arm around her tugging her closer before pressing a kiss against her cheek. Warmth flooded through her system and her heart began to swell followed by a wave of mortification as she thought about what this really meant. “Bro, this is so embarrassing.”

“Hey!” he whined. The arm used to cuddle her was now being used to keep her in a headlock. 

“F in the chat for our fallen soldier.” She fake sniffled. “What am I supposed to tell Yoongi? We made a pact. We were supposed to die alone together.”

“Suddenly, I’m regretting this entire thing.”

“We have to put up an iron wall in front of the boys. I have a reputation to protect. They can’t know I feel.”

“We’ve been dating for almost 2 months already.” So, it was dating.

“Yeah, but they were being oddly nice about it,” she pouted. They were. They knew her. Knew this was way  out of her comfort zone and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. And, they definitely didn’t want to do or say anything to mess this up for Jin. But, now that they were official she’s sure pandora’s box was about to be opened. Everything they’d been holding back was going to be unleashed. “It’s all over now. The teasing will be relentless.”

“I’m your boyfriend now. You’re my girlfriend. I’ll protect you,” he declared proudly.

She snorted. “Corny.” She loved it.

#bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts x reader #bts x oc #bts x y/n #kim seokjin x oc #kim seokjin x y/n #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x oc #seokjin x y/n #seokjin x reader #jin x oc #jin x y/n #jin x reader #jin fanfic #jin fluff #kim seokjin fanfic #kim seokjin fluff #seokjin fanfic #seokjin fluff

[todrokishoto]

fluff ft. bakugou, deku and todoroki

character(s): katsuki bakugou, izuku midoriya, shouto todoroki

warning(s): i don’t think there are any? it’s just pure fluff. mentions of eating/food, though.

summary: just some fluff with the three musketeers. 

a/n: found inspo from this prompt list so,,, enjoy! also, come talk to me about the first episode of season 5!!!

B A K U G O U 

a pair of crimson eyes are staring at you when you reluctantly open your own. it takes a moment for you to adjust to the harsh rays of light fighting their way through the blinds. once you do though, you feel your brows furrow as you meet the gaze of your boyfriend. you offer a sheepish smile at his unamused face, seeing straight through him immediately. 

“good morning to you, too, grump.”

his lips tighten as he studies your face. ignoring his scrutinizing gaze, you sit up, despite the protests from your body. you roll your neck, a sigh of relief escaping you as the tension eases. sensing your boyfriend’s urge to say something, you turn your head to look at him. 

“no breakfast? i thought sundays were eat-breakfast-in-bed kind of days?” you’re teasing, naturally, but your words still spark something in your hot-headed partner. 

he grunts. “i would’ve had breakfast ready but you were sleeping on my arm and i didn’t want to wake you.” 

your heart swells as he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly finding the duvet covers very interesting. you push away the urge to continue your teasing, fully-aware of how easily it could turn into an argument if he isn’t in the mood. you smile at him when he meets your eyes again. 

“your arm’s asleep, isn’t it?” you muse, noticing how he’s rubbing it with his other arm. 

“yeah, no shit. because you slept on it for eight shitty hours.”

“how about i make breakfast today then?” 

you throw the covers aside, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed. when your feet are planted on the ground, you go to stand up but a hand wraps around your waist before you can do so. he pulls you back down effortlessly and you squeal, colliding with his bare chest. 

“or we could order food and just stay in bed until it gets here,” katsuki suggests, his lips brushing against the exposed skin of your shoulder.  

M I D O R I Y A 

“it’s so pretty,” you gush, your eyes fixated on the view in front of you.

the wind takes ahold of your hair, playing with it briefly before moving on. you wrap it back behind your ear mindlessly, still mesmerized by the scene unfolding before your eyes. the ocean sparkles underneath the remaining sunlight, reflecting the most perfect color palette from the sky above. 

pinks, yellows, oranges, and blues mixed together so perfectly you can’t bring yourself to tear your gaze away. it had to have been one of the prettiest sunsets you had ever seen. you lean forward, analyzing every detail, feeling the railing press against your waist in the process. 

there is no reply from your boyfriend and you turn in his direction. his wide, green eyes are already looking at you when you do so and you feel your heart speed up immediately. there’s a look within them that cannot be described as anything other than pure adoration. 

“i love you,” your freckled partner blurts, a rosy color tinting his cheeks. 

“i love you, too,” you respond, not even bothering to hide your wide grin. “i-is there something on my face though? you’re kind of—”

he shakes his head almost furiously, his wild green locks bouncing all over the place. you watch with amusement, the wings of the butterflies moving just as crazily as your boyfriend’s hair. he grabs your hand in his own and it still surprises you how perfectly your hands fit together, fingers intertwining immediately. 

“i-it’s just... i remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror,” he pauses, his green orbs meeting yours again. “and now you’re my girlfriend and i just— feels kind of surreal, y’know?” 

you nod, understanding his feelings exactly. “well, i’m glad you mustered up the courage to move on from the mirror. i can’t imagine my life without you, zuku.” 

T O D O R O K I

the two of you are lying on his bed, limbs intertwined, noses almost touching. no words are being exchanged, just the sounds of your breathing filling the silence engulfing the room. yet, there is not an ounce of awkwardness. you’re both at ease with each other. 

it took awhile to knock down his walls but you had been determined. during the months of your mission to get to know the quiet boy, countless questions had been asked but not nearly as many had been answered. to be quite frank, silence had been a regular occurrence and by now, neither one of you minded one bit. 

feelings had blossomed, too, which you hadn’t been able to foresee. little did you know that a mission to bring your classmate out of his shell would result in a relationship, but you didn’t mind that one bit either. the two-toned boy had confessed his feelings before you could, blunt as ever. 

being with shouto is refreshing. you don’t have to go out on a limb and try to read his mind; he is very willing to share his thoughts if the right questions are asked. sometimes, even without being prompted to do so. he brings a whole new level of excitement into your life that you had no idea you needed until you met him. 

“i want to marry you.”

and, just like that, the silence was broken. his words take you by surprise. while him sharing his thoughts happen regularly, you still haven’t gotten used to just how blunt (and sometimes a little oblivious) he could be. 

his words echo in your mind, every gear churning to process them. the two of you have been classmates for almost three years already, but have been together less than six months. there is no denying that you are completely and utterly in love with him, but this conversation had yet to be brought up. until now, it seems. 

“not now, obviously,” he explains, his bicolored eyes studying you closely, obviously noticing your distress. he knows you better than anyone. “but sometime in the future. i cannot picture a future without you in it, y/n.” 

your cheeks hurt from smiling, your heart thumping against your rib cage like a galloping horse. your boyfriend remains - seemingly, anyway - unfazed, merely continuing his staring. you can tell he doesn’t expect a response. 

“i want to marry you sometime in the future, too, shouto.” 

your words come with ease because you mean them with your whole being. if he isn’t in your future then you don’t want it. you had decided as much during your first conversation. 

he smiles. then, he closes the barely-there gap between your faces, his lips meeting yours. he’s so gentle you can barely feel it, so you grab a handful of his shirt, pulling him even closer. he doesn’t object, his smile only widening against your lips. 

#mha #bnha #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugou #shouto todoroki #mha x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia #mha x y/n #bnha x y/n #deku #deku x reader #deku x y/n #deku x you #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x y/n #bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #todoroki x you #todoroki x y/n #katsuki bakugou x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #mha fluff #shoto x reader #shoto fluff #bakugo fluff #deku fluff

[just-come-baek]

out to lunch

Pairing: cooking show chef!xiaojun x personal assistant!reader

Themes: smut

Word count: 2.5k

Summary: You come over to the kitchen set of Xiaojun’s cooking show to tell him you managed to get him what he had always dreamed of. However, once you reveal the big news, you discover his priorities have changed, and right now, the only thing he wants to do is you.

Warnings: dirty talk | fingering | kitchen set sex | unprotected sex | creampie | Xiaojun’s inner diva is showing | 

A/N support WayV lol | writing this for neosmutcollective mini wayv event

Xiaojun was utterly immersed in his world. Though it was already late at night, he was still behind the kitchen counter, chopping ingredients with his favorite knife. Right now, Xiaojun was in his element, oozing precision and determination to perfect his new recipe, and it somewhat felt like a sin to interrupt him.

You had big news to deliver, though. Having heard you out, Xiaojun would surely forgive you for your disruption. He had to. After all, you just managed to get him that cooking book contract he had always dreamed of.

Ever since you two had started working together, it was your goal to make Xiaojun a published author. Though he already owned three restaurants and starred in his own cooking show, Xiaojun was insatiable. The more fame and recognition he got, it was never enough.

You cleared your throat to obtain his attention, but it didn’t quite pull him out of his trance, so you decided to give him an extra minute.

Xiaojun looked incredibly attractive in his own habitat. In his white uniform and ridiculously big chef hat, Xiaojun looked like a whole damn Michelin three-star dish. No wonder he kept beating his viewing records with each new episode. People all across the country swooned over his culinary talent, incredible charisma, and breathtaking looks.

Having approached the kitchen counter, you knocked on the marble surface in hopes of obtaining his attention.

“Earth to Xiaojun,” you softly spoke, looking at his face. Apparently, the timing couldn’t have been worse as Xiaojun dropped his knife on the cutting board and swung it onto the floor, making a huge mess.

“What do you want!? Don’t you see I’m busy!?” Xiaojun barked before he turned around to get a clean set of kitchen utensils. “Get lost. I don’t want to talk to you,” he added, waving his hand at you, trying to chase you out of the kitchen space.

“Ugh, for the love of God, Xiaojun! How many times have we had this conversation? That diva tone doesn’t work on me,” you answered firmly, staring into his eyes, challenging him. His gaze was intense, his jaw was tensed, but you just smiled at him, ignoring his shenanigans altogether. It wasn’t the first time he lashed out at you, and you knew how to handle him.

“Okay, fine. What is it?” Xiaojun huffed, giving in. With his arms folded across his chest, he tapped his foot against the floor, impatiently waiting for the news.

“I got you that book offer. You’re gonna be a published author,” you exclaimed, ready to jump up and down in joy. However, Xiaojun didn’t seem to be particularly excited. “What’s the matter? Isn’t it what you’ve always wanted? I don’t get it,” you spoke, creasing your eyebrow in confusion, trying to read his bizarre expression.

Xiaojun seemed indifferent at best.

“Cancel it. Undo it. I won’t write it,” Xiaojun replied before he proceeded back to his previous task. It wasn’t wise to disturb him now, so you waited until all vegetables were neatly cubed and thrown into a bowl.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? I don’t understand. I thought you’ve always wanted it,” you inquired, trying a much calmer approach. Xiaojun didn’t use his knife now, but he was still holding it, and it wouldn’t be the first time someone earned a cut during a heated argument in the kitchen.

“I have,” Xiaojun replied with a deep sigh as he poured the chicken broth over the vegetables. “But it gets tiring, you know…” he added, as he took off his chef hat and threw it on the countertop, running his hand through his hair. “Everything is happening too fast. I thought I wanted it, but now, when I actually live that life, I realized I am not cut out for this.”

It was heart-breaking to listen to it. You two had been working very hard to get Xiaojun where he is right now, only to come to a conclusion it’s all wrong. Fame was a heavy cross to bear, and Xiaojun was slowly stumbling under its weight.

“Don’t tell me you want to quit,” you whispered, anxious to know the answer. Xiaojun’s eyes were trained on you, and you could see how tired he was. “How about you take it easy from now on instead of quitting it all together? It would be a shame to quit right at the finishing line,” you reasoned, hoping Xiaojun would consider it.

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s talk about it, okay?” you interjected before Xiaojun would impulsively ruin his career. “We’ve got only three more episodes to shoot. I could put you on hiatus until you decide you want to continue with another season. In the meantime, you could work on the cooking book at your own pace. Probably, I will make you record some cooking content on social media to keep you circulating on the web, so people won’t forget you. Except for that, your schedule would be clear to focus on whatever you need to focus on.”

Silence.

Xiaojun was staring at his chef hat, pondering your damn good points. When you put it like that, it was hard to say no. Besides, he had a feeling you would talk back instantly if he found faults in your argumentation.

Seconds passed without Xiaojun’s response. You were his voice of reason; he had to listen to you. Besides, not only was his career on the line. If he actually quitted, your superior would murder you. Xiaojun was the cash cow of the company; they couldn’t afford to lose him. He was at their rising star.

“Why do you always know what to say?” Xiaojun rhetorically asked, and you beamed, ready to grace him with an answer.

“I’m really good at my job,” you pointed out proudly. Thanks to your impeccable management and problem-solving capabilities, you managed to help Xiaojun rise to the top. “And also, I care about you. Sometimes, you’re a pain in the ass, but after all, you’re a good person. You are my friend, and I want you to be happy.”

“Fine, let’s do it your way. But we’re not shooting another season until I say so,” Xiaojun caved, smiling brightly at you. “You know what I really want to do, though?” He challenged as he rested his elbow on the counter, straightening his back, trying to appear taller and overall more confident.

His voice was quiet, and it suspiciously sounded as if he told “you.”

Shaking your head, you asked, “what?”

Xiaojun felt a sudden wave of confidence rush through him before he repeated himself clearly. No, there was no shred of doubt. You heard him loud and clear. Confidently, Xiaojun admitted that he really want to do was you.

“You seriously think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me?” Xiaojun spoke in a somewhat accusing tone, eyeing you from head to toe before he took a cautious step toward you. Intimidated, you took a step backward, and that timid action made Xiaojun smirk.

He knew exactly what type of effect he had on you. All memories of lingering glances you had stolen of him when you had believed he hadn’t been looking came back rushing to you. You weren’t as sly and discreet as you thought you were.

“It really flatters me,” Xiaojun teased with a smug smile. “Don’t deny it, and come here,” he urged, spreading his arms, waiting for you to run into him.

At first, you were sure Xiaojun was just messing with your head. You believed he was teasing you. You imagined him flick your forehead if you walked into his personal space. It was obvious he was mocking you. There was no way in hell that he wanted you the way you wanted him. You must’ve been seeing things.

“Jesus, woman! Hurry the fuck up,” Xiaojun warned you, losing his patience. “If you’re not coming here, I am coming there,” he added, giving you one last chance for a change of heart. “Screw it,” he cursed, surging forward, trapping you in his tight embrace.

His actions spoke louder than words. All your previous thoughts were gone; Xiaojun wouldn’t have bothered this much to pull a prank on you. He was genuine. Xiaojun held you still in his arms, waiting for you to make a move. He would never try anything without your permission, regardless of how delicious your lips looked.

“Kiss me,” he ordered, and you rushed, smashing your lips against his in a passionate kiss. It was everything you imagined it to be, but tenfold better. You had fantasized about his moment plenty of times, and weirdly enough, Xiaojun’s mouth somehow felt both soft and rough at the same time. “Now, we’re talking.”

You two completely lost it. Hands were running on your bodies as you engaged in a heated moment, relieving your much maddening frustration. It felt amazing, and you wished you could carry on until you both lose all your energy.

“Let’s go to my place,” you mumbled once you pulled away. Xiaojun still held you pressed against him as he waited for you to elaborate, being painfully clueless to your ulterior motive. “It’s much closer from here than yours,” you added, and Xiaojun only smiled dumbly, waiting for you to word your request in an even more ridiculous way.

“Why bother going anywhere when I can have you here?” Xiaojun playfully announced, giggling as his gaze shifted from your gorgeous eyes to the countertop. Almost instantly you realized what his crazy proposition was. Did you really want your first time with him to be on the kitchen island inside the cooking show set? It would be a blatant lie if you said you had never considered this.

“Fuck me then,” you urged, giving Xiaojun permission to ruin you right there.

Xiaojun didn’t waste any time. In an instant, he wrapped his arms around your thighs as he picked you up and gently sat down on the countertop. Except for your pencil skirt, your legs were bare, so you let out a slight hiss once you felt the cold marble against your skin.

Biting your lips, you spread your legs, letting Xiaojun stand right between them.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about fucking you here,” Xiaojun confessed before he leaned forward, stealing another desperate kiss. “You remember that time when we fought over the Oreo cake? I was so hard back then. I wanted to bend you over the counter so bad. I almost didn’t hold myself back.”

“You should’ve gone for it,” you whispered as you remembered that quarrel. That night Xiaojun had been the star of your fantasies when you used your vibrating friend to get yourself off. “I was so horny then. Almost as horny as right now,” you added, pulling him by his funny black tie, melting into yet another kiss.

Xiaojun was getting impatient. It was nice, but it wasn’t enough for him. Having untangled the knot of his apron, he yanked it off his hips, throwing it over his shoulder.

“I want to feel you so bad,” he murmured as he slid his fingers under your skirt, pulling your panties down your legs. “Let me prep you up,” Xiaojun uttered when his digits gently fondled your folds, gliding his knuckle inside of you. The moment you felt him, you let out a quiet moan, enjoying his little ministrations.

Xiaojun knew how to please a woman. He curled his fingers inside of you, stretching you out for his length. With your eyes shut closed, you focused on your pleasure, letting Xiaojun spoil you rotten. Though it was just mere petting, it felt nice as hell. He was getting you ready for his cock, and you basked in simple delight.

“Enough of that; I want you to fuck me now,” you kindly spoke, wrapping your palm around his wrist. “Please,” you added when you noticed how hesitant Xiaojun was of letting go. He planned on making you come first before properly fucking you with his cock, but since you asked him nicely, he decided to give you exactly what you wanted. Though he’d love to tease you some more, your pleading tone seemed to do the thing.

Swiftly, he yanked down his pants, revealing his member. It was standing proud, and you looked down at it, admiring it. Without any doubt, Xiaojun was to make your day.

As much as you wanted to return the favor, Xiaojun didn’t let you. Impatiently, he gave himself a few strokes before he aligned his cock with your entrance, rubbing its tip against your folds. Slowly, he pushed his hard length inside of you, making you groan.

Your grip on the edge of the countertop tightened as Xiaojun filled you up with his erection. At first, Xiaojun maintained a slow and steady rhythm. However, as you kept moaning his name and encouraging him to go faster, his thrusts became more rapid. Quickly, Xiaojun snapped his hips, finding your sweet spot in record time.

“Holy shit,” you exclaimed, feeling the knot inside of you tighten. You were moments away from your peak. Xiaojun’s cock stroked all the right places, pushing you off the edge. “Fuck, I am coming,” you shouted, kicking your head backward, welcoming the bliss that ripped through you.

When you were slowly descending back on Earth, Xiaojun kept chasing his release.

You could feel him throb inside of you. Then, an idea crossed your mind. Until now, it was Xiaojun who did all the work, so the least you could do was to encourage him to fill you up, to talk him through his orgasm.

“You fill me up so well. I came on your cock, and you’re still rock-hard. Do you want me to come again?” You complimented him, spilling filth. Though you weren’t sure if Xiaojun would be into dirty talk, you were certain he was eating it all up. Xiaojun was moaning your name as he snapped his hips, falling out of his even rhythm.

Xiaojun was near. His grip on your thighs tightened as he pounded inside of you, being only a few strokes away from his sweet bliss.

“Come inside of me,” you urged him. It was all it took to make him reach his peak. With a choked grunt, Xiaojun came, buckling his hips as he painted your walls with his release.

You remained silent as Xiaojun breathed heavily, trying to come back to his senses.

“If we’re ever doing it, here, again, I want you to spank me with this,” you commented as you reached for the spatula that sat on the other side of the counter. Xiaojun smirked upon seeing the kitchen utensil, tempted to try it out soon.

However, on second thought, tonight was just good as any other day.

“How about we take it with us over to your place,” Xiaojun proposed, and you cocked your eyebrow, excited to hear his suggestion. “Let’s get you cleaned up first,” he added as he bent down to pick up his apron. His release was dripping down your thighs, so he wiped it off with the fabric, looking rather pleased by the fact that you let him come inside of you.

“That sounds like a plan.”

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