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damianbugs · 7 months

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with all this gotham war stuff (most recently the comic sc you posted on your twt with jason and bruce), can u explain what is actually going on? like, i’m not that far so i haven’t read it, but… like is it actually bruce saying all that stuff about the kids? or is it this zur person people keep talking about?

oh my friend, it's crazy around here, but i will try my best to explain it!

A GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO BATMAN IN GOTHAM WAR:

firstly, the comic reading list to catch up with gotham war is: as of 01/10/23 (the ones in italics are core issues to the story)

for some background on what happens leading up to gotham war:

Batman (2016) #125-136

(Optional) Knight Terrors: Batman

(Optional) Knight Terrors: Catwoman

and then the actual gotham war story:

Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Battle Lines

Batman (2016) #137

Catwoman (2018) #57

Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Red Hood #1

this is everything that is out right now, but from the third of october to halloween we will also be getting: Batman #138, Catwoman #58, Gotham War: Red Hood #2, Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War - Scorched Earth.

secondly... who is Zur En Arrh.

Zur En Arrh taking over Bruce, Batman (2016) #126

zur en arrh, in the simplest way of explaining, is this alter ego/personality (it's unclear) bruce created for himself should batman (bruce wayne) ever be psychologically compromised or brainwashed. it's not him, but a more sadistic and crueler person that is the "ultimate batman" who doesn't care about anyone or anything but getting the mission done.

during Batman #125-130, zur takes over the role of batman because bruce was losing very badly to the robot Failsafe (which is zur's own creation, that bruce has no memory of making). after getting vaporised by failsafe and sent travelling through dozens of alternate universes, losing his hand and fighting a flying shark (Batman #131-135), bruce returns to gotham incredibly mentally unstable.

During a peaceful dinner with his family, Bruce suddenly imagines the entire world on fire, Batman (2016) #136.

during everything, bruce managed to mentally fight back and kind of... merge their ideals together in order to survive and win in the moment.

and then successfully trapping failsafe back into his mind where he can no longer take over!

Bruce uses some sort of mental technique to lock Zur away in his mind, Batman (2016) #136.

except he didn't succeed! at all!

you see, when travelling through all those universes, bruce somehow brought back every single version of zur en arrh with him. now all of then combined, plus his already deteriorating and weak mental health from the last few years, bruce is currently operating under the impression that he's locked zur away, when he actually hasn't.

zur is the one partly, or even entirely, in control. right now, he's just pretending to stay locked away so bruce continues to do what he thinks is 'right' despite them being incredibly out of character for the run.

During his eight week coma, Bruce sees Zur 'locked away' and he is, apparently, not alone, Gotham War: Battle Lines (2023)

an example is when zur referred to robin as batman's solider, bruce mentally fought back to make it clear that tim was his son. but then, a few issues later, bruce refers to his children as his soldiers and that they've all betrayed him, implying that zur has always had control and isn't locked away.

Bruce and Zur get into a fight inside his mind about Robin [Tim Drake], Batman (2016) #127

so yeah, zur is not bruce! they're both batman, but zur en arrh is like his somehow unimaginably even worse twin. if you're interested more in him, i would suggest giving his character history a read! be warned it gets changed A LOT and is definitely not everyone's cup of tea (personally i hate him and need him shelved for another forty years).

now that that's all done and explained, the current state of gotham war is Bruce (thinks he's okay) fighting everyone else (except Damian) because in his (Zur's) point of view, they're all against the mission and therefore are now his enemies (he's lost his mind). totally not convoluted.

to answer your original question, yes, this is all bruce saying and doing these things but he is being HEAVILY influenced by Zur. we can't tell for certain how much of this is bruce and how much is zur, but we can definitely prove zur is partially or completely controlling him again.

even jason points it out after bruce implants that fear toxin chip into him in Batman (2016) #138:

like we can see the intention is to keep jason out of this, because compared to everyone else, jason was the most directly opposed to bruce. but zur is twisting how this concern gets expressed, since forcing jason into feeling fear everytime he gets an adrenaline rush is hardly the reformation bruce is usually encouraging. the other batfam members also talk about how uncharacteristically violent bruce is being.

"He's out of control." / "He's gone [In more ways than one.]" Batman (2016) #137

as the story progresses we see more and more of zur replace bruce, but because he can't have bruce trying to stop him again, zur is playing along and convincing bruce he's locked away. so really, bruce is at war with not only his entire family, but also his own mind. just another average tuesday for batman. he's being tricked and is unknowingly doing exactly what he was trying to prevent.

to understand what the actual war in gotham war is, give the comics listed above a read! if you find the story boring/ridiculous/stupid, don't worry, it is! the social commentary leaves a lot to be desired, as does most of the characters writings (especially selina's).

bruce and his one sided battle with zur is sort of an overarching story happening alongside it (along with a bunch of other ongoings. i don't even understand how detective comics and batman and robin are going to tie into this once it starts up again).

sorry the answer isn't a simple one, but unfortunately nothing is ever simple with bruce. also apologies in advance if any of the future gotham war comics come out and completely debunk all of this! who knows what will happen in this dramatic family drama.

#bruce wayne #gotham war #dc meta #saki anons #saki comic talks #i have such a toxic relationship with this run #i have nothing but complaints and hate for it #but its so terrible i cant wait to see how it all crash and burns #the most “it gets worse before it gets better” storyline for batman i have EVER seen

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 29 days

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aita for making a thread on twt against an ex online teammate?

cw: suicide baiting, mentions of grooming, possible sexting, transphobia, mentions of NSFW but no outright specifics

i (15 f) had this friend, who well call aj (fake name) (18-19 ftm i believe) back in october of last year. for context we met in a quick match when i was 14 and he was 17-18 in a video game where i also met another friend, moto (fake alias) (14 f at the time, now 15). after a few matches where we would be randomly matched together he sent me the invite to his discord server and i joined. eventually as more people joined the server (at most there were 20 or more people in the server before its deletion, most of which were minors and we were around her 'adult' friends who were anywhere from 18-30)

we would talk alot (and aj would insert herself into any conversation possible) but we would eventually have our disagreements which would end with aj threatening to kill himself, eventually this became the norm and we stopped giving a shit when he would threaten to kill himself because of how frequently he threatened it (kind of like a cry wolf situation)

around the time we stopped caring about his suicide baiting he switched tatics and tried to guilt trip us into apologizing to him for questioning her behavior (e.x. using the fact that he was neurodivergent, to elaborate someone would say "hey stop saying your going to kill yourself" and he would go "its something called a brain problem" or "i dont have pills to help me", basically blamed all of his actions on his alleged 'brain problem'). we still proceeded to not care because of how frequently he lied

on top of this, he had this streak of calling asian characters within the game feminine? a specific case (and the straw that broke the camels back for alot of my teammates) was when she called a well-loved chinese character from the game something along the lines of a femboy because they wore a traditional chinese outfit that was not "manly" (basically, didnt stop where a normal shirt stopped. im not sure what it was called and google didnt really help...) during the same time, aj identified as transgender (i believe he still does, but i no longer interact with him) and said trans women werent women because they dont get periods???

on top of this, he would also publicly do nsfw things with the adults of the server (none of the chats were role restricted. this wasnt a thing until i became a server admin and then shut it down not even 3 weeks later) and would also share nsfw/18+ topics in the server. even after the "nsfw" chat was there (we were still figuring out how to restrict it [i was coming back from a 2 year internet hiatus]) the other adults still did things along the lines of erp. aj encouraged this behavior and eventually in his new server and was talking about these things with minors (aj is about 19-20)

so after a few months of off-and-on gathering evidence (what you have just read + plus screenshots) from numerous people from his server i post the thread, and almost instantly it got posted to his server. i have a friend in that server who ended up voice chatting with him and moto (who is under a different alias in the server) and aj is literally sobbing, threatening to kill himself, and has his entire family in his room who are all looking at the thread as well. they all basically say that he doesnt look too good in the screenshots and "what were you thinking talking to these people" type of situation. aj ends up deleting the server a few days later, messages undercover-moto that he isnt making anymore servers.

im wondering if i went too far? aita?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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fatuismooches · 5 months

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Hello smooches, its 🥝 anon. I'm sorry for not popping up on ur inbox for a very long time again (health issues, again.) i hope that you are doing well! I see so many Dotty's rambling when i scroll down a bit and honestly i can't wait to read all of it 🙏🛐 (and also hoping to see just a bit of Capitano content from u-)

So.. Remember when i said last time that i have a brainrot about Capitano's Childhood Crush with fragile!reader? In ur Capitano Childhood Crush fic, reader always sends a lot of letters to him but he never recieved them, right? (It was disheartening, just like what u said on the fic..) And, Well..

Imagine that all of the letters are about reader telling him about their conditions, their illness getting worse and worse, until the last one about reader wanting to see him again for last time..

When Capitano wanted to see them again, he sends some of his Fatui agents to search for reader whereabouts (since it would be too dangerous for reader's safety if he is the one who come to them, also he never see them among the crowds for a very long time whenever he and his troops came back, reader always come to see him..).

Now, imagine his reaction when his agents told him that reader is already dead a long time ago or when he finally found all of reader's letters 😔

I'm trying to make my ask not too long, æügh 😩😭 i'm sorry if its messy- 😭 anyways, sending virtual hugs for u smooches for still feeding us Harbinger content for more than a year now 🤗💞🛐 as always, bless u and ur big brain writings

-a rotten 🥝 anon

(Also recently, i saw an "early" story leak about the next region on twt that we will have Dottore boss fight in Natlan instead of Capitano. Idk if its true or not, but if its true.. then, i guess you guys Dottore lovers better prepare for him now 👀 i want to see some C6R5 Dotty mains here)

HI 🥝 ANON!! I MISSED YOU! And don't worry about popping in! I want you to take care of yourself first above all! I hope you enjoy the plentiful Dottore brainrots though :3 (and i promise to post some Capitano brainrots. Just for you.) BUT AHHH THIS BRAINROT... WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SAD. (Yes, I remember when I put that in my fic! I can't believe it was so long ago though- you made me go back and reread it 😭)

Imagine if you live in a secluded part of Snezhnaya. It's quiet and pretty with only the servants in the house to keep you company. Capitano let you stay here instead of the mansion because staying in that big house without him would probably make you sadder. Though you are already sad without him, it's a bit better. But you spend a lot of time writing him letters. It was a habit of yours, telling him what you've done all this time even though he's not here. Some letters get sent, some don't. But you always put the happier stuff in the letters that get sent to him. He's out doing a lot of hard work, you don't want to bother him with your illness! Though anyone could see the lingering sadness in your letters. However, the battlefield is a tough place and the long distance doesn't help your case. Things are bound to get lost and go missing. So you're left waiting, and waiting, and waiting for your husband's replies that never come... Eventually, you stop sending them, instead keeping them in a box.

Although Capitano is busy with his mission, he wonders why you haven't reached out to him. Amidst the war and battle, he does look forward to your sweet letters, perhaps your handwriting may not be the best, but he loves to see how his darling is doing. He of course focuses on his duties, but he always thinks of you. So it wouldn't hurt to send an agent to report on you, since clearly communication isn't the best right now. When the soldier arrives and hears of your demise, he isn't sure how to break the news to his Harbinger. All he can do is hope that the letter makes it to him after the battle is over, so morale isn't too down. And it does. The Fatui win this battle, and the letter comes just in time. Ah, finally he can see how you're doing, Capitano thinks. But when he reads the first sentence, he's... well, I can't explain his emotions very well. Empty would be a good word. Why? Why didn't he know? Couldn't something have been done? You were find before he left, how did your condition worsen that quickly?

He won't know, because he won't ever hear your voice again.

AND YEAHHH i saw that leak too but. To be honest i don't really believe it, a bunch of story leaks have turned out to be trolls so tbh i don't really pay attention to them anymore, especially when they're so far into the future 😅 But my c6r1 Arlie savings are going strong right now! (400 wishes >:)

#smooches talks #🥝 anon #fragile reader <3 #capitano love notes <3 #ughhh i want dottore so bad :(( I LOVE HIM SM #I NEED HIM ON MY TEAMMM #but i hope you are doing well too anon! im sending even more hugs! 🫂#and thank YOU for sticking around for so long! i greatly appreciate that 🥺❤️❤️

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jianqzai · 1 year

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(Some post-canon dadxian and Sizhui fluff for these cold days)

"I know Hanguang-Jun asked you to, but couldn't we have sent a disciple instead? It's so cold, Sizhui!"

"We're almost there, stop complaining" Jingyi pouted, but kept walking alongside him. Once they reached the Jingshi's door, Sizhui balanced the tray he had been carrying in one hand and knocked. Nothing. "A-die?" He received no answer. It was almost noon — later than his dad would usually wake up — but with his father away in chief cultivator business and with the snow blanketing every corner of the Cloud Recesses, his dad could sleep well into the afternoon if left to his own devices. Exactly the reason why his baba had asked him to make sure he would eat regularly.

Upon entrance, he could confirm his dad was still in bed, completely under the covers. "A-die?" He tried again as he settled down his tray. This time he did stir, peeking from under the sheets blearily. "A-Yuan? What are you doing here so early?" Behind him, Jingyi snorted.

"It's almost noon, and you missed breakfast, so we are here with food for you." His best friend explained. His a-die only yawned in response. "Please come eat, the food is still hot." He gave him his sweetest smile, hoping it would help to convince him. His dad only sighed, defeated.

"Come cuddle with your old dad while Jingyi makes tea. Once that's done, I'll eat, I promise." Sizhui ignored the offended 'hey!' Jingyi shouted at his back, and walked towards the bed, where his dad was holding up the covers for him to crawl in.

"Technically, you're only 8 years older than me."

"My new body is 8 years older, but mentally I'm the same as your father's. Now stop being an unfilial child and hurry up, I'm getting cold!"

"Are you saying baba is old?" He asked, laughing lightly, climbing into bed.

"You ask as if you don’t know him— Ah! A-Yuan, your robes are so cold! Gods, poor child, it must be freezing out there, you will warm up in no time. Come here, come here — What was I saying?"

"That baba is old"

"Ah! Yes, yes, thank you. He acts like an old man, scolding everyone and getting grumpy for everything. I love him just the same, though." Sizhui hummed in response, having no counter-argument to his dad's claims. "Don't tell him I said that, or I will bury you under the snow."

"I won't, I won't." He replied, smiling. Sizhui settled with his arms tucked against his chest, his head under his dad's jaw. He was getting pleasantly toasty under all the sheets he was wrapped in, he felt his limbs relax.

It would only be a minute, he told himself, Jingyi would be done with brewing any second now and they would have to go back to their duties. His breathing slowed down, synchronizing with his a-die's and then, darkness.

—

"Alright, it's done, come here!" Jingyi received no answer. Frowning, he walked to peek into the room, only to find Sizhui and Wei-Qianbei deeply asleep, snuggling together.

“Not fair,” he muttered, maybe pouting only a little. Now he also missed his parents and his warm bed. With a sigh, he went back to the main room, where the food was. He put heating talismans on everything, fed the fireplace and bundled himself in his coat.

He wanted to go back to the dormitories, but with Sizhui missing, he will need to start on their duties right away to make up for his absence — he didn’t mind though, his best friend deserved the rest. With a last look to the bedroom, he smiled and walked out, into the cold.

They had looked so cute, Hanguang-Jun would be mad he missed it.

[twt]

#lan sizhui #lan jingyi #wei wuxian #dadxian #some family cuddles to mentally and emotionally keep us warm #loto writing #mdzs #twitter thoughts

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savventeen · 1 year

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feelin' thorny

rating: M pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader wc: 0.4k summary: florist seungkwan receives a bouquet from his rival — emotions are had warnings: slightly nsfw discussion, language tags: rival florists, the is the start of an enemies to lovers fic (that i will probably never write), soonyoung says some Wild Shit, reader is actually only mentioned in this sorry a/n: i know nothing about flowers or their meanings i just used google and then made shit up lol (also this was originally a vmin drabble i posted on twt two years ago)

Seungkwan looked down at the bouquet of flowers — beautifully arranged and wrapped in old newspaper and tied with a dainty blue ribbon — gobsmacked.

It was addressed to him of all people.

No one ever sent Seungkwan flowers. Because who would send flowers to a florist? Especially from his rival's shop?

And speak of the devil, the little card carefully attached to the ribbon simply read from y/n <3 in a distressingly elegant calligraphy.

He looked at the artfully arranged flowers more closely. There was an obvious yellow color scheme — hyacinth (jealousy - sport, game, play) and tansy (hostile thoughts, declaring war) and tarragon (lasting interest) arranged neatly around a single tall sunflower (haughtiness) — but a few white roses (I'm worthy of you) were included to help balance it out. It really was beautiful, and some unknown feeling did a little somersault in his chest.

And then the meanings sunk in.

You had just sent him a flower arrangement that essentially said "wow, you're so jealous, fucking fight me" but in the most annoyingly flirtatious way possible. It made Seungkwan want to commit arson.

"That absolute motherfucker."

"Okay, Kwan-ah, I'm confused," Soonyoung piped up from where he was re-poting some ferns in the corner. "Do you want to kill whoever sent those, or fuck them?"

Seungkwan choked on his spit.

Soonyoung blazed on, "Because the words you just said were mean but you look so grossly in love that I'm concerned hearts and rainbows are going to start shooting out of your pores like some kind of homoerotic pipebomb."

Or maybe murder was on the table after all.

"Kwon Soonyoung you are henceforth forbidden from ever opening your mouth inside my shop ever again." He threw one of the many flower-themed stress balls he kept lying around for this exact reason at Soonyoung's head, taking pleasure at the pained yelp Soonyoung let out as he failed to dodge out of the way and sprawled gracelessly across the floor.

Satisfied, he turned his attention back to the bouquet. "And to answer your question..."

The flowers stared up from where he was still clutching them with both hands, judging him. Waiting.

Seungkwan sighed.

"Both. Definitely both."

#seungkwan x y/n #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #seungkwan fanfic #svt #svt fic #seventeen #seventeen fic #seventeen fanfic #seventeenweeklyarticle #the rest of svt watch on as seungkwan and reader try harder and harder to politely out petty each other #it's both hilarious and unbearably frustrating for them to watch lmao #also i hope u accept this offering of old fic i'm reposting while i continue to work on wips #savv writes #savv fics #can't believe i almost forgot my own tags lmao

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anti-endo-haven · 1 month

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Venting again cause i need to know if I'm being overdramatic or if this is an okay reaction TwT

Maybe important note???: We have BPD, and i've also been dating my partner for over a year

Okay so I have a partner, and I really really love them. Like a lot. And today I was stalking scrolling through their blog, and noticed that they had gotten a couple of those positivity asks (like "i love your blog, share to blogs you like to spread the positivity")

and at first I was a little hurt because he didn't send me any sort of ask like that, and then i scrolled a little further and saw that he had sent an ask to someone else. and i know this because he had reblogged it with a message

and then i sent him that exact same message, cause i really like them and their blog does make me happy! but i also wanted to see if they would send it back. and he hasn't.

and now i'm just really really hurt and betrayed and i feel like he doesn't love me anymore, and we also haven't talked (like had any meaningful conversation) in forever, and i know it's cause they love the show they're hyperfixating on and it makes them really happy but i don't know what they're talking about at all and it's literally the only thing we talk about. the only times the conversation branches off is when they've had a terrible day and want to talk to us about it or because we make a really concerning post on our blog and it shouldn't have to get to that point

and even when we share something, he just brushes it off and goes back to talking about bsd. like we wore a dress last friday and we were super, super excited, and we told him about it and his only reaction was "NICE" and then showed a ss of a bsd post and began to talk about it. we got more of a reaction from strangers on the internet than our boyfriend of over a year. we can scroll back and find messages where we told him we were wearing a dress or skirt and he would ask for pictures and be super happy and be a complete dork and now he didn't even ask for a picture or say that we must've looked so pretty. he couldn't even type out "OMG THAT'S AWESOME" or "OOO LEMME SEE" or "THAT'S GREAT!!".

and they also haven't asked us "how are you" since february 2nd, and checking the chat log I'm 99% sure he only asked that because we weren't really acting normal, and checking the chat logs again i can't even find the last time he said "i love you" without us initiating the exchange or because we did something for him

actually we just found it. it was when i couldn't message him for a couple days because i was literally too depressed to do so and too tired to pick up my phone, and literally going back to the messages the only reason it was even brought up was because i asked if he was okay because he was acting weird

i just feel like he doesn't care about me anymore, let alone love me

Hey, anon. Gonna get really deep and to the point here.

You 100% need to make it to where you and your partner have a talk together with no outside distractions. This is serious and it can really put a dent in your relationship, which it already is. You are absolutely valid for feeling this way.

I know that being hyperfixated on a show or game can take a lot of time, but it’s also super important to be able to make time for loved ones in the middle of it.

There needs to be boundaries and telling him how you’re feeling. The best way to also communicate is to be assertive and use “I” statements as well as throwing ideas out on how the two of you can work on it together. An example:

“I don’t feel like you’re interested in spending time with me right now, and I want to do something together to get the spark back in our relationship. I think it would be better for us to work together again than sitting this out and letting the wound fester.”

Relationships aren’t all that easy sometimes, and there’s bound to be bumps in the road along the way, but open communication, boundaries, working together is much better than letting things fester. Even if you think something is small.

Talk over your fears that you have with how the relationship is going.

If you’re both able to find a day to sit down and talk even if it’s over a phone call, make sure to take breaks and come back to the conversation if emotions become strong. Make sure you also do something for yourself.

And if you really think it’s necessary, breaks in relationships aren’t a bad thing. Especially when it gives you time to focus on yourself. My partner and I had a lot of breaks and we’re finally on a path of healing together.

The best thing you can do right now is communicate how you feel. Don’t let him shut you down, allow him to communicate back, work together.

I hope this helps for some of it! You’re doing what you can! ❤️

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downstairsbar · 10 months

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🌈 💞 !

eeeee I’ll do a theme that was tough… I’ve only sent my characters to therapy in two fics, but it’s soooo hard not to do the unrealistic therapy fixes everything thing, which is tempting for characters like lestat where there’s soooo much to fix🤧 or on the flip side caretakers like lwj who burden themselves with taking care of Everyone all the time and wanting to show that he’s working on stuff but he’s never gonna be the type to regularly share every thought he has and so suddenly making him verbose or super open implies that his introversion is what needed to be fixed, which ppl usually do to him in fic? grad au was also tough bc the day before I first posted this one clique on twt were mocking domtop lwj (which mind you is canon and word of god from mxtx but wherever) and grad au was one of the first fics in fandom to dig into the D/s element of their relationship and that acknowledged their sex life was imp in canon 🥴 I’m not bragging btw these were literally taboo and those tweets were further anxiety inducing what with the overall covid lockdown situation and a school year that quite literally gave me irl racial ptsd maybe worse than getting assaulted a year and a half later scream. so! it was one of those bizarre moments where someone mocking my fic would’ve been something of a last straw but I didn’t wanna be cowed in by those losers😵‍💫😵‍💫 so that was tough 🤔

#qs

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catboy-jaebeom · 1 year

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week seven of #got7revival: the moment that made you an ahgase

this question is incredibly hard to answer, because I don't think it was one single moment, it was a couple that made me think "okay, yeah, maybe I'm in this deeper than I thought" and then didn't turn back around, lol, because I didn't feel I really wanted to. so, here's a few moments during the last one year and eight month since I got into kpop and GOT7.

late-March 2021

I am looking for faceclaims for my original characters and Pinterest offers me the famous pictures of Jaebeom and that shoot on the rooftop with his anti-eyebrow piercing and the nose ring, and I am gone. my friend A shows me another one of them and kinda looks up GOT7 out curiosity and sends me some of their songs; I spend the next few hours — and days — on a deep dive into the rabbit hole, and the rest is history.

July 2021

A sends me the bodyshop ad Youngjae did for that white musk perfume. I'm out with friends at the time and in the inner city, shopping district. about twenty minutes later I've bought the shower gel of that line. I tell another kpop friend ( a veteran army and atiny ) that I think now that I've actually bought a product simply because one of my kpop boys has promoted it ( and of course because I actually love the smell ) there is no going back for me. she laughs but agrees.

late summer 2021

curious about Jinyoung's acting efforts, A and I watch He Is Psychometric and love it, and then start with The Devil's Judge ( which I have yet to finish, yes, I know, gods, where has the past year gone to wjkddk ). I also watch Yaksha on release date in April the following year.

mostly winter 2021

Mark releases a couple songs and I remember writing a whole Text on how My Life has moved me. ( tho I've never sent it to him or anything, but man, My Life. )

April 2022

for my ahgase anniversary I create a fan twt account, and my first tweet is something along the lines of "now that we might be getting a comeback soon, I might as well." mind you, that was before they ever confirmed anything, but that was definitely one of the moments where I realized that, yes, I'm definitely in this for the long run now.

May 5th 2022

the Yugyeom concert in Berlin!! my very first kpop concert ever, and my gods was it good. I won't forget meeting so many kind ahgase who immediately adopted me when realizing how baby I was in terms of being an ahgase. and I definitely won't forget Yugyeom performing and dancing and speaking English ;; it was a great day.

May 21st – May 23rd 2022

comeback weekend !!!! I talked about that already in my Fave Era post, but the fun we had not only on that weekend but also in the weeks leading up to it with all the concept pictures and the teaser for the album tracks and the MV, and then when we edited all those hardhats onto our icons and all. what a good time that was, wow. also when JayB managed to transfer the rights for GOT7 and all the music and all that, I remember I was so incredibly proud of him, of them, and of me in a way because I had clearly picked the right group to stan.

September-ish 2022

since I kept talking about GOT7 and other kpop groups to one of my mutuals on here, he asked to listen to them, whether I could send him some MV or song to listen to, one that I recommend. ever since, I keep throwing him new videos and have made playlists and share exciting news with him, and I feel if you're at the point where you can casually and calmly recommend their music to someone else and it feels great to see them like your group, you've definitely earned your place, right?

Honourable Mentions

somewhen in April last year I was watching one of those things you didn't notice in ____ videos, and finally realized that Mark is in fact the oldest and not the maknae. yes, he fooled another one. that was also the moment I realised I finally knew all of their names and could attach them to faces so that was nice.

when I listened to the mindset clips Jaebeom had made, and felt so very comforted and understood. him sharing all of that is something very precious to me, I feel honoured he did that and that we are able to hear it. I think he's helping so many people with it.

that afternoon a few months ago when I went through yt and watched a lot of X reacts to GOT7 for the first time videos, and let me tell you how much fun it was to, like, see them fall in love, vibe with the songs, and point out certain members like I had a year prior. also the amounts of time people already knew Jackson but nobody else kadkkfkdd.

anyway, thank you @def-jaes for hosting this GOT7 revival this was so so so much fun! especially to see everyone come together and create !! we should do that more often <3

#got7revival #got7 #leafmiilk does stuff

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three-headed-monster · 1 year

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general update on wjc 2023

a couple of things have come out in the past week that i want to highlight in a large overall post

scheduling

gord miller posted the other day about the pre-tournament game schedule and about the canadian wjc camp

pre-competition games are likely against non-group opponents (like team usa or team finland). we'll also likely not see most of the tournament locks during training camp. those probably include othmann, bedard, fantilli, wright, stankoven zellweger, del mastro (icky ik but still).

2. nhl players' potential for the team

all signs point towards wright for sure being loaned for the team. james boyd, one of the higher ups who is selecting the team, actually recently did an interview with the calgary sun where he laid out who they're looking for in terms of the team.

boyd also mentions that they're leaving spaces open for guys like wyatt johnston, dylan guenther, and brandt clarke in the event that their nhl teams consider loaning them

in my experience, i doubt they'll be getting loaned unless they physically fight their teams to go.

johnston is very seth jarvis in my opinion, he's unlikely to go considering he's already tearing it up in the nhl

guenther was injured in the summer and didn't go to that tournament, but i don't think that playing in junior will help him at all. he's getting good ice time in arizona, they're able to give him the opportunity to develop in the nhl which is fine

clarke is the only one i think might actually be there. but considering how pissed la was that he was snubbed last year, i have a better chance of eating a shoe than him being sent back. it's a shame that they destroyed that relationship so badly.

still without them, the roster is gonna be gooood

3. my coverage

i'll try to have coverage throughout the tournament but i am going to be in california over my winter break and the time difference will be rough with my itinerary there. i also have exams in the weeks leading up to the tournament. however, tons of great blogs cover wjc and closer to the start dates, i'll make a list of ppl i know for sure will be following it! as well, i'll link some amazing twt accounts to follow over that time and where to find content.

i'll also obviously still make a primer for this year and hopefully people will like that!

#wjc 2023 #q speaks #team canada

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jinhogwarts · 11 months

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so a twt friend of mine from paris (who i actually met last year when she visited here and again when i visited paris) sent me a gift she made for the baby - a crochet blanket and a little unicorn doll (which she said is more for me than him because unicorns remind her of me)... and it just arrived (after way too long of me trying to fight with the post office to get it) and god oh god it's so sweet 😭😭😭 the blanket is so soft like genuinely the softest material i have ever felt... i can't wait to snuggle the baby in it, it's so wonderful.

also, it just means a lot that she would go to that trouble to handmake such a special gift for me and the baby and send it all the way here... she's such a sweetheart and the kindest woman i know, even though we don't live in the same country and only met twice, she's very dear to me. it's just wonderful to have this kind of friendship, especially when the friends who live close to me are a bit disappointing rn...

#personal #friendship #handmade gifts #honestly i'm just so warm rn because of it

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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Three Asks

It’s been a while since we answered some asks so today and maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, we’ll collect some and answer them since we’ve gotten while a few in the last two or three weeks.

In today’s post I picked out the three most recent asks we’ve received, two of which are ones I’d usually just delete because answering is pointless but one of them showcased a popular pattern so we decided to reply just this once. So this time around the questions are about Namjoon and Seokjin, next time we’ll do ones about Tae and Jimin (and vmin), and so on.

Ask 1 - Did Namjoon have to bring up the criticism he received in 2015/16 in the Juju Chang interview?

Ask 2 and 3 - questions from either diet solos (someone who isn’t quite a solo stan just yet but exhibits the same thought patterns as solos do) or full on solo stans.

From anon: So you must have seen their interview alongside the President right on a news show? Most of it was fine and I liked how involved they were especially JK, but a point Namjoon made is what I'm kinda dicey about. He addressed that they were called out for WoH lyrics but the thing is I'm not sure if it needed to be brought up. Especially in American media and the way they contextualize things..

Obviously he meant that they grew from it but not sure if that was the way to put it I guess?

I will admit, there aren’t many times when asks that get sent to us annoy me, but this one in conjunction with the absolute nonsense that took place about this on twt just made my blood boil. Let’s look at the question and answer so we have full context when it comes to the interview and then, after that, we’ll look at the greater context of why Namjoon saying what he did is significant and a big deal.

Juju Chang: You guys are an all male band and, let’s face it, Korea, historically, has been a very male dominated culture and yet here at the UN one of the core values in Sustainable Development is educating women and having gender equality. You have a lot of female fans. What would you say to them about gender equality and working towards that?

Namjoon: Personally, I received a lot fo criticism regarding misogyny in 2015 and 2016, which led me to get my lyrics reviewed by a women’s studies professor. That experience, in turn, was an opportunity for me to self-reflect and question whether I’d been insensitive toward gender equality. I want to do the best I can to take interest in the topic, learn and make improvements. That’s my perspective now.

Namjoon used a personal story as framework to showcase that even someone like him, a man in a position of power/influence from a country which, as the interviewer explained, is very male dominated can learn, grow and, in the long run, contribute to change. It takes tremendous bravery to do something like this, to not only admit that you made such a mistake, but also to take it and grow from it, take the time to reflect and strive to better yourself to never repeat it again. And also talk about doing so not only during an international broadcast but also while your own president sits right there next to you.

Perhaps there are a relatively big number of countries in the west where equality is much closer to being a reality, where it is a core value to respect woman, one that you are raised with, but here the context was specifically BTS and their background, their country and their culture. From K-ARMY we know that things have taken a turn for the worse in Korea when it comes to women’s rights and the behavior of men toward them, how feminism is treated essentially as a dirty word and you will get hunted down for using it or for behaving in a feminist manner. Namjoon himself was placed on some list made by misogynists labeling him as a dirty, dirty feminist. The same men who even went after the military to get them to stop using a hand gesture which could, if you really want to, be used to make fun of a man for a small d*ck. In polls men in their 20s and 30s have voted being against feminism and I don’t mean just like 10 or 20% of voters, but rather 50-70%, even some presidential candidates have apparently been revealed as anti-feminists.

Circling back to Namjoon, having this context, do you now get why it was a big thing for him to say this, why it makes him a role model and why it was important to do so? Besides this isn’t just about the WoH lyrics which, to be frank, were never an actual issue but instead were made into one (the line I know that usually get’s brought up most is “The girls are equations, and us guys are solutions” which, if you think about it, actually means that boys and girls are equal since 2+5=7, the equation and the solution are the same, and also the song is satire about hormonal boys and their behavior which people have decided to ignore for the sake of sitting on their high horses instead). Namjoon wasn’t even the only member credited for the lyrics yet he took the blame upon himself, used this to better himself even though we know 2015 was an extremely dark time for him. But he is the leader, he took responsibility and he grew from it. He stands as example of how change is possible even in a country that is male dominated and misogynistic.

From anon: Reading your post about My universe I can’t but be heavy hearted.

It’s such a beautiful song but Jin not having almost any lines ruined the experience for me. He deserves so much more than being a mere backup vocal. Same goes to Jimin but I’m not as effected as Jin, since we’ve all seen a pattern there.

We know the boys decide collectively decide LD and how it fits their personalities and voices but I can’t but feel icky about Dynamite, not today, BS&T and now MY.

I truly hope this doesn’t continue and BH decides to respect Jin more as an artist. He’s one of the biggest reasons the group is where it is now.

Though I can’t say with 100% certainty that this comes from someone that has consumed too much solo stan “content”, it does very much feel like it and the only reason why I’m even answering this is that I’d like to highlight something, a pattern we've seen a million times over for years now in regard to line distribution but that is even more glaring and flawed in this case, after we’ve seen how My Universe was recorded:

“We know the boys collectively decide” and yet “and BH decides to respect Jin more”, with this you’re basically saying that you know all the members, including Seokjin, are involved BUT since giving him and the others slack for it would make you look bad, you instead throw blame at BH, which in this case had no say in the line distribution. That choice was Christ Martin’s to make. If you already complain about line distribution, at least have the guts to direct your hate at the people you just said yourself make the choice--the members. Solos already belittle Seokjin’s efforts as it is, and constantly demand an acting debut of him which basically, to me, just comes across as them wanting him to act because they don’t value his singing and music, so would it be really that farfetched for them to also hate on him for, what, not speaking up and demanding more to satisfy you?

Seokjin was so happy and excited while recording My Universe, while meeting Chris Martin, someone he’s admired and been a fan of for so long. He gave his best while recording and sounded absolutely marvelously, and yet instead of celebrating him, his voice, and what we do hear of him, you just focus on the negatives.

BH isn’t perfect by any means, don’t even try to come into our asks calling me a company stan or whatever because I’m far from it, but in this case they had nothing to do with it. Coldplay and Chris Martin did. We saw all the members record the chorus, and we heard it, we saw and heard Seokjin sing absolutely beautifully and get praise for it, and we saw how happy this collab has made him. Why can’t you just let this be a happy time, why must you immediately search for things to be negative about?

Would I have liked so hear more of his voice on My Universe? Obviously, I even said as much in my post about the song. I love Seokjin and his voice a lot, he is my bias wrecker for a reason. But the song has already happened, been recorded, mastered, and released. What will a negativity parade change? What? Absolutely nothing except for make him feel bad because you can’t just say “Seokjin did amazingly, I love his voice”, no, you have to go around yelling “OMG he is being cut from the song because BH hates him”. What does that do for him? Like really, tell me, because I don’t get it.

And if my opinion isn’t valid enough for you, it is, after all, just an opinion, take Seokjin’s opinion about the collab instead:

Or asks such as this one:

From anon: I honestly can’t wait for Seokjin to go solo one day. Go where he’s appreciated for his talents and musicality, not cuz he’s just a “hyung” or “comic relief” or “WWH”.

Where, tell me, has he ever expressed an interest in going solo? No, I’m serious, where, because all I know is that he is happy with his members, with what he does, that he enjoys making music and getting more involved than he used to. Just the other day during the interview with Juju Chang he spoke about how he misses the old times where he could go for soju and food with Yoongi to spend some time together.

And just a few years before that Yoongi said that Seokjin has been good from the beginning, and there are tons of other examples of the members praising Seokjin in terms of his voice and musicality. When he was going through burnout last year, Bang PD encouraged him to channel his thoughts and feelings into music, recommended him a producer he thought work well with him, and Seokjin said it really did help him. And we got Abyss as result from it all, a gorgeous and raw song.

Yes, he gets praise for being a good hyung, because guess what, he is a good hyung. Maybe for you that’s not good enough, but he’s proud of it, has always taken the fact that he’s the eldest seriously even when goofing around with his members. How is that a bad thing?

Seokjin loves his members and they love him. Seokjin loves ARMY and we love him back tenfold. Just because solos hate the members and aren’t satisfied with Seokjin, how is that my issue or even his? If you’re a genuine fan of his, support his hard work, support all his contributions to BTS’ music, their performances, their dancing, and everything else. Because he is part of BTS regardless if you like it or not, and as far as we are aware, he doesn’t plan on changing that any time soon, or at all.

#answered ask #namjoon #seokjin

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evesbeve · 4 years

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Hey there, you said your ask box was open for Justin Min's whole thing? I guess I just slept through the whole thing, honestly - could you just go over a gist of everything that happened? I get that it seems like a PR team didn't know how to use twitter (which, mood) and f-ed things up for him, but what were they "cleaning up" in the first place, who's Anna what did they do that warranted such a bizarre thread from the PR team, etc...? 😳

Hey! Okay so this is going to be a lot, so buckle up.

Right off the bat, I just want to say that Justin isn’t cancelled. The situation has been mostly resolved right now (more on that later).

So around a week ago, Justin Min started deleting his replies to fans. Depending on whether you’re on Twitter or not, you might know that Justin is one of the most interactive people of the cast. He knows a lot of fans by name, he has inside jokes with us, and he just interacts a lot with his fanbase. So you can imagine why him suddenly starting to delete his replies was a bit upsetting. There was nothing we could do about it though.

And suddenly, two days ago, Justin deactivated his account out of nowhere, which caused all kinds of drama to go down.

People started pointing the finger at specific accounts saying it was their fault that Justin deactivated (don’t even get me started on that logic; why a grown-ass adult deactivate because of a few teenagers is above me, it literally made no sense), even sending death threats. Others suspected that he got suspended because Twitter’s algorithm saw all these tweets get deleted and was like “welp, bot time.” Long story short, lots of misinformation was going around.

And then out of the blue, Justin’s account was reactivated, and he made a thread directed at Anna.

Now, who is Anna? Anna is a stan on twitter, whose @ I won’t be sharing for privacy, but here’s how they’re relevant in this:

Remember when I mentioned the inside jokes? Well, one of them was between a fan called Matt and Justin. Matt kept commenting on Justin’s tweets asking him to say trans rights. On the one year anniversary of Matt asking Justin to say trans rights, Justin finally said it. Then, Matt made a poll asking other stans what he should have Justin say next, and lesbian rights won.

Around a month ago, Matt replied to one of Justin’s tweets, and Justin responded with something along the lines of “haha, i know this is just an attempt to get me to say lesbian rights,” referencing the inside joke. People started commenting that the way he phrased it was a bit :/ so then he replied to his own tweet with something like “well, i’ll delete this before i get cancelled,” and that’s when things spiraled.

[id: Justin Min’s tweet #1: i see that you are trying to butter me up to say lesbian rights, nice try, matt. nice try.

Justin Min’s tweet #2: oh, here we go. this is an inside joke between myself and matt, if you’ve been a part o fthis fandom for more than a few weeks. but alas, i will have to delete this now before i’m cancelled by the end of the day. keep loving, everyone.]

Lesbians get spoken over and looked down upon not only by straight people, but also the LGBT community. So when Justin tweeted that, lesbians were like “this sounds as if you care more about your own self image rather than our community.” Then, non-lesbians got involved and started either a) calling Justin lesbophobic (which lesbians never did) or b) blindly defending Justin and saying he did nothing wrong.

(Side note: I am not a lesbian, and I’m not trying to speak over lesbians in this situation. But I did talk about this to some of my friends who are lesbians, and they told me that what Justin did wasn’t as big of a deal as Twitter made it out to be. These are their words, not mine. All I know is that it was definitely not bad-intentioned, just a huge misunderstanding.)

Anyway, Anna made a thread explaining to Justin why him defending himself came out as harmful towards the lesbian community, and then Justin apologised and that was it.

Which brings us back to yesterday (26/9/2020).

Everyone is freaking out, posting misinformation, panicking. I don’t exactly,,, know how, but the #justinminisoverparty hashtag started being used for actual hate towards Justin for deactivating, and some people (including Anna, though I think their tweet was in the context of a joke? please take this with a grain of salt though. update: it was in the context of a joke) mentioned that Justin is a lesbophobe.

A few hours later, Justin reactivated his account, tagged Anna, and said this (though it was actually his PR team, more on that later):

[id: Justin’s Tweet: @ [redacted] quickly jumping back on here from my twt break because i’m receiving messages that you’re continuing to spread misinformation, so i want to clarify.]

[id: Justin’s Tweets: 1. all of my interactions with you were deleted because of the need to set clear boundaries due to the fact that your incessant messages and replies from multiple accounts over the last several months were veering into stalking/harassment.

2. for someone who appears to pride themselves on reminding their friends/followers on a daily basis to be careful of the language they use on this app, you seem to be fine with flippantly labeling someone as homophobic/lesbophobic as if they’re cute little adjectives to give to someone, not realizing that such labels have real-life consequences.]

[id: Justin’s Tweets: 3. also noting here than in your original thread, you stated that you neither considered me nor my words to actually be lesbophobic, so a bit confused as to why your story has suddenly changed.

4. i realize you’re young, so i’m genuinely hoping you use this opportunity to learn and grow andbe a little more mindful the next time you decide to tweet.]

The next twenty minutes were pure chaos. Justin deactivated again, everyone started freaking out because that was very out of character for him. People were cancelling him because this could have easily been resolved in DMs, or tweeted without the mention of Anna (a minor) from a mainstream Twitter account.

And then, Justin Min DMed another fan on Instagram (her name is Em) about the situation.

Who is Em? For starters, I’d like to say that I personally know Em and that she’s one of my best friends. I’ve known her for more than a year now, and I can personally vouch for her. Everything that she posted is 100% true (if you want the thread where she posts proof of the DMs, please send me a different ask because I’m scared tumblr will not post this in the tag if I include it here).

The reason Justin DMed her out of all people is because he also kinda knows her? As I mentioned, Justin interacts with us on Twitter a lot, and Em is the one person he’s responded to the most, so he knows who she is. (He’s tagged her more times than other cast members, at least before all his tweets were deleted by his PR team.)

Anyway, this is what Em tweeted:

[id: Em’s tweets: please read this !!!

justin dmed me on instagram and basically the gist of it is that he hired a pr team and they tweeted the thread at anna without knowing everyone could see it. all of the tweets being deleted/ him deactivating was also them.]

Below is the image Em attached to the tweet:

[id: Justin’s DM to Em: hey. this is justin. i’m just hearing about what’s happening on twitter right now. for context, i was asked to work with a team of people to “clean up” my twitter in the past few weeks. they’ve taken the liberty of deleting a bunch of my responses and posts in order to safeguard me (whatever that means) as well as deactivating my account to comb through other things.i believe they accidentally sent anna a message and mistakenly believed the function for her to comment only would mean that she would be the only one to see it as well. needless to say, i’m no longer working with this team and want to personally apologize to her. do you know any way i can get into contact with her?]

And then, in a follow-up tweet:

[id: Em’s text at Justin: sorry for dming you again. is there any other way i can help? i just feel really bad about this whole thing and i know how quickly this stuff can spread if it’s not taken care of

Justin’s text: i mean, i guess you can share the information i’ve given you? it’ll take a bit of time for me to take back ownership on everything as i sever ties with that team, so maybe the sooner the better people know.

Em’s text: okay ! is it okay if i tweet a screenshot

Justin’s text: sure.]

Then Justin’s account got reactivated an hour ago (almost 24hs after Em’s tweets), and he tweeted this:

[id: Justin’s tweet: hi. it’s me. thank you for all your messages. this has been an incredibly tough week for me on multiple fronts. some things you might already be aware of; many other things you don’t know about.asking for a bit of privacy as i take sometime to unplug. hoping to be back soon.]

And that’s all, I think? There’s lots we don’t know about what happened yet, so please please please try not to spread misinformation. This is a stressful situation for us on Twitter, and especially for Justin, and misinformation going around is the last thing we need right now.

tl;dr: Justin Min hired a PR Team that started deleting all of his tweets and deactivated his account. Misinformation started spreading, people started cancelling Justin for no reason. The PR Team decided to respond to Anna, made the response public, deactivated again. Justin DMed Em and explained the situation, and an hour ago, he reactivated and said he’s taking a small break to sort things out.

If anyone has any other questions/clarifications, my askbox is open! Hope this shed some light on the situation <3

UPDATE 28/9/2020: Justin has DMed and apologised to Anna for the situation, and Anna has accepted the apology. Anna posted all of it on their account, but again, if you want a link, send me an ask!

#im gonna go to bed now so ill respond to any follow-up asks tomorrow #i hope this made sense #ask #anon #evelina nonesense #the umbrella academy #tua #tua cast #justin min #justin h min #justin h. min #ben #ben hargreeves #tua ben #the horror #tw: drama

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satonthelotuspier · 3 years

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There Are Two Ways To Live A Life

“There are two ways to live a life either forget everything or, remember nothing.” - Santosh Kalwar.

Jamais vu: From the French, meaning "never seen". The illusion that the familiar does not seem familiar.

We have only one person to thank for this (again) - Dee - @BangpurpleTan - this idea is based very strongly on her indescribably brilliant edit here. All Dee's edits are a blessing on the timeline but this one fuelled the plot bunnies immensely.

This fic is endgame Xicheng.

If you follow me on Twt or on AO3 you’ll probably be aware this is already updated to chapter 5 over on AO3 - I’ll post the rest to tumblr over time if there’s any interest.

Chapter 1 - If Snow Melts Down to Water

“If snow melts down to water, does it still remember being snow?” ― Jennifer McMahon, The Winter People.

He could smell nothing but fire and death; the scent of blood hung in the air; between that, and the smoke, it was almost too thick to breathe, even where the smoke was less thick, here, as he lay on the courtyard floor in front of the great hall, in a pool of blood that was both his own and from the other’s lain slain around him.

It was red flames and redder blood that were the last things he saw before his eyes drifted closed, and everything else faded to black.

Jiang Shao woke suddenly from the nightmare, taking in a deep gasp of air as if he really had been struggling to breathe, suffocated by the smoke from burning buildings.

But a nightmare was all it was, wasn’t it? His hands tightened in the quilt covering him, but he forced them to relax, as his movements woke the sleeping figure at his side.

“Shao-er?”

He tried to force his breathing to steady, and cleared his expression, as he turned it on the now wakened Xue Rong.

“It was just a bad dream. It’s faded now. I’m sorry to wake you.” He sounded normal. Or at least like he’d sound if he was woken from sleep by a normal nightmare.

“I have to leave soon, so it’s fine. You should stay and try to rest a little more though.” A soothing hand squeezed his shoulder, intending to offer comfort.

Jiang Shao nodded, and lay back as Xue Rong rose, threw on his robes, and, with a final goodbye, disappeared into the still-dark morning.

He was glad; it gave him time to consider the thing that bothered him the most about the nightmare; the death of the woman who looked exactly like Jiang Shao.

Could it be that it wasn’t a nightmare, that it was an actual memory trying to surface?

He didn’t know.

In reality he could remember nothing about his childhood. He had no memory of who his parents were, and therefore the figure in his dream could either be formed from a subconscious remembrance, or his dreaming mind making up a maternal figure; what else did he have to go on except his own features?

His earliest memory was waking up in the home of a farming family somewhere near Yiling. A merchant prince passing through had, apparently, stumbled upon him wandering dazed and barely alive in the wilderness, and taken pity on the severely injured young man, paying for the village healer to tend his wounds and the family to board him until he was well enough to leave.

Less honest folk might have seen the opportunity to accept the gold, slit his throat the moment the merchant had moved on, and profited greatly from him; luckily he hadn’t fallen into the hands of dishonest people.

He didn’t know his exact age; the best guess that could be made was he had been in his mid to late teens when found. He didn’t know where he was from; though they claimed his dialect was that of Yunmeng.

When he had healed enough he helped during the harvest season alongside the family’s own sons, as thanks for their kindness, and then left in search of the merchant who he owed his life to; he had no better idea of what he could do than to pledge himself to that man to repay his goodness.

There had been a part of him that hoped the travelling would spark memories; but it hadn’t helped at all.

Once he had caught up with the merchant in Jiuzi, that kind gentleman had again taken pity on him, and had offered him military training, as long as Jiang Shao joined his personal army, and they were both pleased to find out that, though Jiang Shao’s mind didn’t know it, his muscles clearly showed the memory of martial training.

Jiang Shao was thankful that he could be useful, and had found a place in a world he didn’t really know.

A little while into his tenure in the private army of Ye Qingyan he had been part of the forces his master had loaned to join the imperial army to quell an invasion from the northern kingdom. He had recommended himself to the son of the Emperor by saving his life on the battlefield; he had taken a wound that had been meant for Xue Rong, earning his gratitude and thanks.

They had met again some years later. By this time Jiang Shao had undergone training as an assassin and spy for his merchant prince master. Ye Qingyan had rendered some service to the then acknowledged Crown Prince, enabling the two to renew their acquaintance and friendship. Some time later the merchant had elected to step away from court life in the capital and retire to his family estate in a distant province, to focus on his new young wife and the children she would hopefully bear him. A father and a husband had no need for a spymaster and assassin, so Jiang Shao had been ‘gifted’ to Prince Jin, as a final act of service and good regard by Ye Qingyan.

It wasn’t long later when the old emperor’s failing health had put his intended Crown Prince on the throne, and Xue Rong had donned the Dragon Robe.

Now Jiang Shao was the Tianzi’s secret weapon. His hidden blade.

To the court he was passed off as a male lover the Emperor had taken as a young man, who he still occasionally bedded, and appointed to a minor ministry role, which sent him travelling around the empire. A perfect cover for a man often sent from the capital to enact the will of the Emperor in secrecy.

Jiang Shao turned over, and pulled the blankets over his head, trying to calm his swirling thoughts.

Despite Xue Rong’s orders, he didn’t think that he’d be able to sleep again that night; but undeterred by his doubts he did drift off again just before dawn.

***

The moonlight shone through the laden branches overhead, giving the night an ethereal glow, making it feel almost unreal, as they walked along the paths together. No matter how much he tried to give himself the courage to meet the other’s gaze head on, he still couldn’t steal more than quick glances from beneath his lowered lashes.

The other was too handsome. Too perfect. Especially with the moon’s pure gaze limning his jade-like features. It was almost overwhelming to be near someone as gentle and warm as dawn light; and to think that he might like him too.

Overwhelming.

Jiang Shao’s heart had begun to flutter in his chest as the taller boy paused on the pathway, reached up into one of the overhanging bows, and pulled free a sprig of magnolia blossom.

His mouth formed a tender smile, and he held the sprig out to Jiang Shao; who reached for it tentatively. It was all he could do to stop himself from clutching the gift to his chest, and he felt a rush of heat climb up his neck in the still night air.

“Thank you.” The words were barely more than a whisper, as loud and as forceful as he could manage past the lump in his throat.

They walked on a little further, to a cluster of buildings, where Jiang Shao mounted the steps, and the taller boy paused at the foot.

Jiang Shao stopped, and turned.

He felt unutterably sad.

“Tomorrow I’ll have to return home.”

“I know. I’ll miss you. But I’ll wait for you. Forever if I have to, A-Cheng.”

Some of the sadness melted away at his words.

“You will?”

“I will.”

He felt an answering smile shape his mouth, before the other took Jiang Shao’s ( A- Cheng’s?) hands in his own, then, leaning up due to Jiang Shao’ s position on the steps , brushed a gentle kiss against his cheek.

The dream faded, and Jiang Shao woke up plagued by a feeling of indescribable sadness and loss.

He was frustrated that whenever he experienced these unusual dreams, he couldn’t tell whether they were created from his lost memories, or purely formed from nothing at all.

He had spent a long time under the yoke of regret, caused by the hopelessness of knowing nothing about his previous life, whether he still had parents living, or other family; whether he was been missed, or had been mourned, when he vanished. The feelings were crushing. And there were something that, if he hadn’t learned to put aside and compartmentalise them, would probably have destroyed him by now.

So he had learned to put those feelings aside, bury them deep and only take them out when he was feeling particularly maudlin or introspective.

A luxury he didn’t often afford himself.

To the rest of the world, what little he interacted with of course, he was a cheery young man with a ready smile who went with the flow of life, no matter where it took him.

That mantle was heavier some days than others.

***

The sun was bright and clear that morning as he stepped foot back in Jiankang after several weeks in the provinces.

He still wasn’t entirely used to the hustle and bustle of a capital city; especially after he had been away for any length of time. There was something that always seemed to make him feel like a country bumpkin when traversing the packed streets of Jiankang.

It was probably the air of importance everyone seemed to try and give themselves in the capital; it was never a feeling that manifested itself in small agricultural towns with equally as busy markets, for example.

His discomfort told him he had never been a city boy, even in the past that he couldn’t remember.

It seemed, to him, that people in the capital considered that they were made more important by mere virtue of being so close to the Son of Heaven.

If that were genuinely the way it worked, however, it made Jiang Shao particularly lofty in rank.

In reality, the idea amused him immensely; it wasn’t a concept he could take seriously. He was a nobody who had had the good fortune to recommend himself to Prince Jin before his ascension, and who proved useful still to the Tianzi.

And that was all Jiang Shao needed from life. A purpose to drive him on. And what more purpose could he wish for than to serve his Emperor in protecting the Empire and it’s people?

He paused at a vendor and bought Jianbing; if he ate on the way back to the royal city he could quickly bathe and be ready to report to the Tianzi when the Emperor’s schedule allowed.

He wandered along the packed streets as he ate.

The thing he missed most when returning to Jiankang was the food. His palate naturally craved spicier foods than were typically available here; he was a long way from what might have once been his home. Although home was an assumption he made only, going only on the dialect he spoke with, which had been softened over the years by his travel in the private army of Ye Qingyan and then his life in the capital in service of the Emperor.

He pondered as he walked; perhaps it was time to request a little time away from the palace, so he could return to Yunmeng to investigate his possible origins. He had wandered through the lakes soon after he’d left the farm near Yiling, hoping to stumble across some clue as to who he was, or jog his lost memories, but the area was occupied by invading forces, and was a bloody war zone; it wasn’t safe for ordinary people to be caught in the crossfire of two massive armies.

He had heard tell of a slaughtered family, of young generals making names for themselves, and he privately wondered if, before his memory loss, he might have been part of the defending army, and that was where his wounds had been earned. But how was he meant to pinpoint one missing life in a sea of so much death and destruction? It would have been impossible, and he couldn’t stay, and take the risk of falling into the hands of either side; how could he when he didn’t know friend from foe? Interrogators wouldn’t believe a story about lost memories if he fell into the wrong hands and was thought to be an enemy spy.

So he had abandoned his search and continued east in pursuit of Ye Qingyan, avoiding battles and armies as he travelled across the Central Plains.

Now, with his gained skills as a spymaster and information broker, he might still come up against the same impossible task of identifying one lost grain of rice in a field full of it, but he had more hope than he had then. Even with the passage of time a cold trail might sometimes be stumbled upon.

He had spent so many years putting the sadness, the emptiness, the sense of being broken, less than his whole, aside, covering it with a smile and a laugh. He hadn’t dared to dwell on it, lest it crush him.

But every little while, he would dream one of those unusual dreams that seemed too real to be purely imagination, but not real enough that he could be certain they were so. They plagued his sleep in clusters, and now those clusters came with increasing frequency.

What if it was his past life trying to break through to the surface, now the trauma had faded?

He should at least try to see if there were any trails to follow in Yunmeng. And he had a possible birth name to begin with.

Chéng.

It wouldn’t make things easy but it would ensure he was able to disregard some leads.

He finished his makeshift breakfast, called briefly at his lodgings in the barracks to bathe and change out of his travel-stained clothes, (oh how it annoyed Xue Rong, even now, that he refused to use the ministerial palace that had been allotted to him,) and made his way to the Emperor’s hall.

He intended to let Xue Rong’s aide know he was back and ready to report at the Tianzi’s leisure, then spend his time bringing himself up to date with happenings while he had been away from the capital.

Due to the fact he approached from the barracks and not the city gate, he saw the group approaching before any of them would have been able to see him.

He halted like he’d walked into an invisible wall.

One guard escortedtwo gentlemen cultivators

He guessed from their dress and the easily identified symbols of their clans that these two were likely Lan Xichen of the Gusu Lan sect, and Jin Guangyao of Lanling Jin, and current incumbent of the title of Chief Cultivator.

One was dressed in richly appointed gold robes, decorated in a peony motif, he was of medium height and bore a vermilion mark on his forehead. He wore a gauze hat, which was just as exquisitely embroidered and jewelled as his robes.

Jin Guangyao, Lianfang-zun, half-brother to the current Jin Sect leader.

And the second man should really have been overshadowed by the first, considering how plain his garb was in direct comparison to his companion’s. But in reality was like the dawn light measured against a star in the sky; it could only outshine.

This man was tall, willowy, and perfectly graceful in figure, movement and look.

A pristine white headband decorated with clouds sat at his brow and he was robed in pure white.

Lan Xichen, Zewu-jun, current sect leader of Gusu Lan.

That gentleman looked at his companion, as Jin Guangyao spoke to him, with gentle amber eyes. Eyes that Jiang Shao sometimes saw in his dreams.

Pure white robes.

Mourning robes. A strident, mocking voice, one he knew so well, but not at all, sounded in his head.

Gentle amber eyes.

A-Cheng. Tender tones spoken lowly in a rich timbre.

There was such a clamour in his head suddenly. He must have made a noise, or they caught his movement from the corner of their eyes, because the pairs’ gazes turned his way.

But he was a creature of the darkness and secrecy, and he didn’t wish to be seen. Not yet. Not like this, when he didn’t know up from down or real from false, so he ducked out of sight, and sank to the ground when he was assured he was unseen.

The implications were overwhelming.

If the jade-like lover of his dreams was real, how many of the others who appeared there were?

Chapter 1 Notes:

This is a post I referred to quite heavily, originally from lansizhuis blog but added to, as is one of the beauties of tumblr, by even more useful and helpful information by various people. I, and no doubt others who've found the information useful, can only thank them for their sharing their findings with the rest of us.

I needed an idea of what would be going on at court for the Emperor and Jiang Shao in the mdzs timeline. Xue Rong is therefore enthroned as the Emperor of the Southern Dynasty, who's capital would have been Jiankang, (present day Nanjing), in the 450's, which is situated georgraphically between where the Jin clan was based in Lanling, (present day Linyi), Shandong province, and the Lans in Gusu, (present day Suzhou, just south east of Nanjing), in Jiangsu province.

It's perfectly fair to say that an Emperor, at war with a powerful neighbouring empire would be very uncomfortable with these two powers almost pincering his capital, and would be suspicious of them if they weren't openly declaring for or against him. The entire arena for what happens in MDZS is in the borderlands between the Northern and Southern Dynasty's lands, it would make both north and south very nervous.

This is canon time divergence AU MDZS, but alternative universe SGQJ, which was set in the Zhou Dynasty. over a thousand years before when the likely time for MDZS to be set is, as per the research done by anon and others in the post linked above.

#mdzs fanfic #the legend of two sisters in the chaos fanfic #crossover #shaorong #xicheng #chaptered fic #mdzs canon divergence #alternate universe two sisters verse #blood #injury #amnesia #torn loyalties #slow burn xicheng #TWTLAL AU #Shay's stuff

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your-world-with-nct · 3 years

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— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

#nobody tagged me in this but i saw loads of ppl doing it so i was like >:( i wanna do one #and by loads of ppl i mean joyce 🙈#this was a lot longer than i thought it would be but i have a lot to say lmao #end of the year wrap up #mutuals ✨

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hoe-for-yukhei · 4 years

Text

BEST FRIEND🌨

HENDERY-READER-LUCAS

Note; I’m not that good at mandarin and korean i’m still studying. Pls forgive me if there’s any grammatical errors or wrong translations,English is not my first language either, please bear with me.

Also yuqi will be mentioned here, she’s kinda bitch in this story so if you don’t like bad yuqi then please skip.

____________________________

What is he doing?

Is he eating?

Does he overwork himself?

Does he miss me?

Those thoughts lingered in your mind since You left to pursue your dream.

You and Lucas are in a Long Distance Relationship.

You in y/c Working Night Shifts in one of the biggest hospitals in your country.

While he’s in Korea and sometimes he travels for World tours and concerts.

You had lost contact with each other so you really can’t help but to worry and miss him.

You were both successful. But something’s missing..

You were a former trainee at SM.You’re close to RED VELVET,NCT,and EXO because you were in their batch and trained with them.

At first you don’t have any friends.

A foreigner who’s still studying basic Korean language who wants to be friends with her? You gained acquaintances and small friendships but still don’t have that friend who’s really close, an intimate friend. Until Hendery came into the company,He reminded you of you, Coming from a neighboring country, Doesn’t talk korean,Shy, New, and doesn’t have friends..

You cherished him. You two became best friends. Since he got into training with NCT he started hanging with the other boys which made you proud. You and Hendery counted many years as friends,you discovered new things about each other. One day he invited you to hangout with him and a friend.

“Oh y/n is here!”

Hendery stood up from where he was sitting.

You didn’t know you guys would be having company.

You dragged Hendery outside the Cafe.

“You didn't tell me about eating with someone, I could have dressed better.”

“What are you saying? You look fine”

“You said It was just the two of us”

“Yeah about that, He was kinda lonely since Mark and others debuted. So I took him with me! You and him will be great friends, he's cool!”

“Alright.”

We walked back to their table. The guy is just sitting there looking at his phone.

“Bàoqiàn ràng nǐ jiǔ děngle wǒmen gāng tánle diǎn shì.”

(Hey, sorry to keep you waiting. We just talked about something.)

“méi shì.” (No worries.)

“Lucas,Tā shì y/n. y/n, Tā shì Lucas.” (Lucas,meet y/n. y/n, meet Lucas)

“y/n? Jiǔyǎng dàmíngle! Hěn gāoxìng jiàn dào nǐ! Hi I am Lucas.” (y/n? I heard so much about you! Nice to meet you!)

He extends his hand to you.

You just stare at his face. You froze at the moment. Because apparently you had never seen such beauty.

Handsome can’t describe Lucas’ he’s a god.

“y/n?”

For the first time you had a crush.

“U-uhm wo-wǒ shì y/n. Wǒ yěshì shíxí shēng. xìnɡ huì, xìnɡ huì” (H-Hi I am y/n. I am a trainee too. Nice to meet you.”

“Woah!junggug-iniseyo?” (Woah are you chinese?)

“A-ani! I’m not. I’m y/r”

You’re stuttering. In front of your crush. And it’s the first time you’re meeting. Bitch First Impressions last. You better keep it cool.

You, Hendery and Lucas hangs out more after that. You got close to him more and more,you found out he’s more than just a pretty face. He's charming, passionate, kind, funny and many more. Lucas can also say he likes hanging out with Hendery more because you always come along. Lucas really likes Hendery and treats him one of his best friends but why does he have a feeling that Lucas is using Hendery as an excuse to see you? And on the other hand you feel the same way too. Whenever Hendery asks you out to hang out you always expect Lucas to be there, and sometimes you’re much more excited about seeing Lucas than the night out instead. Hendery doesn’t feel like that. He feels like a freaking Third wheel. You and Lucas only focus on each other, Whenever he goes out with the both of you he always sees sparks in both of your eyes that mirror Lucas Eyes too. The attraction between Lucas and you can’t be denied. He tried to tease you both about it but you guys always deny it even though it’s obvious. And he’s not happy with that.

Why?

Cause Hendery likes you.

Since Day 1.

Hendery became busy all of a sudden, you were lonely so Lucas accompanied you in place of Hendery.

Going out with Lucas became a habit, you too built a deep relationship with each other.

Lucas doesn’t want the feeling of taking Hendery for granted so he invited Hendery for a talk.

Hendery stops playing his game and follows lucas.

“Hendery,hago sipeun mari ittta.” (Hendary, I have something to say.)

“Zěnmále?” (What is it?)

“Wǒ xǐhuan y/n..” (I like y/n..)

“Shénme?!” (What?!)

“Naneun geunyeoreul joahanda naneun geunyowa deiteuhago siptta.I like her. I want to date her. Wǒ yīnggāi bǎ tā yì chéng zhōngwén ma? thai?”(I like her, I want to date her. I like her, I want to date her. Should I also translate it into chinese? thai?)

“No need, I was just surprised.”

“So? Can I go out with her?”

“Seriously Why are you asking me? Wǒ bùshì tā Xuxi. You should ask her. Tā bùshì wǒ de.”(Seriously Why are you asking me? I’m not her Xuxi. You should ask her. She’s not mine.)

It’s true. You’re not Hendery’s.

He wish you were.

He knew this was going to happen, He doesn’t want to gatekeep you from Lucas just because he’s jealous, and also he doesn’t have a chance. You only see him as a best friend.

“I just thought it’s good to ask you because you’re her best friend.”

“You can do whatever you want Xuxi,Wúlùn fāshēng shénme shì, wǒ dūhuì zhīchí nǐ.”(You can do whatever you want Xuxi,i'll support you whatever happens.)

“Zhēn de ma?! Wǒ fàngxīnle.” (Really?! I feel relieved.)

“Wèishéme? Nǐ hàipà wǒ yě xǐhuān tā ma?” (why? are you scared that i like her too?)

Lucas was surprised. He just read my mind. He thinks.

Other than the feeling of guilt of using his friend as an excuse, He wants to ask him too to ensure that his dear friend is not going to be a rival.

“Ani nan duryopjji ana, Qíshí wǒ hěn yǒu xìnxīn.”(I’m not scared, actually i’m feeling confident.)

Why would he be scared? He’s Lucas. He can make everyone fall by looks alone.

“Don’t Worry, I won’t be a rival. I like her. I really do, but I won’t pursue her.I’m a coward and I haven’t put myself all together.Wǒ pèi bù shàng tā. Hái yǒu, tā zhǐ xǐhuān wǒ dāng péngyǒu, qǐng dài wǒ zhàogù tā.” (Also, she only likes me as a friend. Please take care of her for me.)

It’s True He doesn’t deserve you. He’s still broken from an accident. He will be a burden once those memories will start hunting him again.

“Nǐ quèdìng?” (you sure?)

“Yeah,Dàn jì zhù, yīdàn nǐ shānghàile tā wǒ jiù bǎ tā dài zǒu tā. I’m dead serious Yukhei.” (yeah,but remember once you hurt her, I'll take her away from you. I’m dead serious Yukhei.)

You and Lucas dated. You two were inseparable and in love with each other. Your friendship with Hendery kinda changed, he became busy with everything since He’s going to Debut in Wayv. It’s fine with you but you missed him.

Lucas opens your eyes about your dreams and the things you really want. Thanks to him you decided to pursue medicine.

Your relationship with Lucas now is different since he Debuted. You two were private, but not secret. Which means many people know he has a girlfriend but don't know it’s you. Few Idols know you’re his girlfriend but they keep it to themselves.

Lately Lucas has been distant to you. He wouldn’t pick up whenever you call. And whenever you want to facetime he would say he’s busy.

“y/n your boyfriend sent a bubble message it’s trending in twt! Did you get the message?!”

“OMG wtf Na Jaemin! You scared the shit out of me!”

“Dr.Na, Dr.l/n. Shhh the patients are sleeping.”

You and Jaemin got scolded by the Chief Nurse. You two slightly bowed as sorry.

“Aish-This is all your fault.”

“Check LYSN right now! Ppalli!”

“I can’t My Subscription just expired yesterday.”

“Instead of ordering me. How about you tell me what he said?”

“Oh I didn't see the tweets about him. I just saw LUCAS GIRLFRIEND,#루카스_여자친_버블,#WE_SUPPORT_LUCAS, #旭熙_女朋友_LYSN and my phone died.” (#Lucas_girlfriend_bubble, #Yukhei_Girlfriend__LYSN)

“Oh..really? Did he mention me? He doesn’t tell me anything about coming out. That’s weird.”

“J-jeongmal?! Neohi duri majimageuro jonhwahan ge eonjeya?” (R-really?! When’s the last time you two call each other?)

That question is not hard.

But why can’t you answer such a simple question?

Perhaps because the two of you didn’t talk for like 6 months?

“nado molla,He always says he's busy.I send him daily messages but he won’t reply,He left me on seen.” (I don’t know.)

“What kind of boyfriend is he? He’s not like that when we’re still trainees.”

“Wait I’ll check Twitter.”

You don’t want to check what’s happening. A part of you just wants to turn a blind eye on this issue, because you have that feeling that things are about to mess up.

NCTSM: english translation of lucas’ post.

Translated by:@hoeforyukhei

여러분, 저는 루카스입니다.

팬분들한테 하고 싶은 말이 있어요.

사실 이 편지를 쓰면서 너무 떨려요.

저를 응원해주신 모든 팬분들께 감사드리고 처음부터 사랑하고 싶습니다. 저는 모든 사람들에게 제가 진정으로 사랑하는 아름답고 재능 있고 친절한 여자와 사귀고 있다는 것을 알리고 싶습니다.

유키는 제 여자친구와 우리 회사 둘 다 우리의 관계를 알리고 싶어했습니다.

저를 응원해주신 멤버들, 그리고 저를 사랑해주신 팬분들께 감사드리고, 제가 받을 자격이 없는데도 불구하고 응원해주신 팬분들께도 감사드린다.

저는 항상 여러분 모두에게 감사할 것이고 제 자신을 향상시키기 위해 노력할 것입니다.

사랑하는 팬들의 성원과 사랑에 보답하기 위해 열심히 노력하겠습니다.

탄쿄우 너무많아요.

Everyone, This is Lucas.

I want to say something to our fans.

I am actually so Nervous right now while writing this letter.

I want to thank all the fans that supported and love me from the start. I want to inform everyone that I am dating a beautiful, talented, and kind woman that I truly love.

Yuqi, my girlfriend and both of our Company wanted to publicize our relationship.

I am thankful for the members who cheered me, and to the fans who love me and supported me even though I am not deserving.

I will always be thankful to all of you and I will try to improve myself.

I will work hard to repay all the support and love of our beloved fans.

Thank You so much.

“What fucking bullshit is this?!”

“What the heck Renjun you were behind us all along?!”

“You’ve gone blind Na Jaemin.”

“Guys what the heck shut up the Patients are sleeping.”

“No y/n You shut up. How dare you take this bullshit? He just cheated on you! Right in front of your screen!”

Why are you calm?

Why aren’t you crying?

Is it because half of you expected it?

“It’s okay.It doesn’t matter. I already had a hunch he would do this.”

“Ani-even though you know it,I think it’s the best if you two should talk about it.”(no)

“Yeah, Renjun’s right if you’ll end things with him end it infront of his face! Slap him hard!”

“No Jaemin,I didn’t mean y/n will slap lucas. But y/n you get what I mean right?”

“Dr. Huang, paging Dr. Huang, Please come to the ER. Dr. Huang, paging Dr. Huang, Please come to the ER.”

“y/n you don’t always have to look strong. Jaemin and I are always here to talk to you.”

Renjun leaves you and Jaemin behind. You overthink Renjun's words, as always He is right. But your boyfriend just cheated on you, of course you don’t want to see him.

You find yourself in the middle of the airport,with Renjun who’s carrying your light backpack and Jaemin who’s hyped and doing an IG live.

In the end you and Jaemin are doing a chant like two drunkards in the center of the airport while waiting for your flight.

“y/n! y/n! Where are you going?”

“Korea!”

“Why are you going?!”

“To burn my ex's house!”

“Why are you going?!”

“To burn my ex’s house!”

“Whose house?!”

“Lucas’ house”

“Whose house?!”

“Lucas’ house!”

“Okay Jaemin that’s enough”

“No wait Renjun i’m not finish ye-”

Renjun quickly ended Jaemin’s IG live, which results in Jaemin being cranky. You literally laugh hard to their craziness. Until you were brought back to your reality when you heard your flight.

“You’re a grown woman already so I’m not going to worry about you.”

“y/n bye!! Call us if anything happens!”

You were thankful for Jaemin and Renjun. They became your friends, your parents, your siblings, and your family.

They reminded you of someone.

Lucas definitely knows what he’s doing is wrong. He can’t help but to worry about you, this decision of his will forever make him miserable.

As soon as you got out of the airport, you didn’t immediately check in to a hotel or call lucas. Your feet dragged you to where your special place is. It’s the secluded part of the park, the park is where you and your ex-boyfriend have made most of your happy moments.

While you were you saw two familiar personages.

Familiar indeed.

You are one little shit y/n. You said to yourself you will not cry.

But shit you were extremely wrong.

As tears roll down unto your face, you hurriedly exit the area.

“y-y/n?”

It’s Yuqi. You know her voice. Lucas once introduced her to you saying they’re close friends. They suited each other, and sometimes you tease them of being the perfect couple shits like that.

Then Yuqi will deny that she doesn't like him, they're just friends and everything.

You and her became friends. You even ask her if she could update you while you work abroad.

Now she’s just pure bullshit.

No, they’re bullshits.

You’re in the middle of running the exit to escape that hell hole.

Two large arms suddenly wrap your torso.

“Y-Y/n? Where are you going? Please let me explain, I didn’t do it. They made me do it y/n it’s not me i promise y/n don’t leave me Qǐng bùyào líkāi wǒ, wǒ qiú nǐle. Wǒ ài nǐ y/n. Wǒ zhēn de ài nǐ y/n, qǐng bié líkāi wǒ. J-jebalyo” (please don't leave me, I beg you. I love you y/n. I really do y/n,don't leave me, please.)

He’s sobbing there.

We’re all crying

He really won’t let go of you.

“L-lucas let go of me! Please.”

“No I won’t, please hear me out just this once.”

“I had enough, when there are times that I really need you- you shut me out lucas! You don’t know what that feels, the feeling of being left out. You didn’t even hear me out! You didn’t even answer my call when my brother died! I just want your company.. Your love. How can I hear you out if you don’t do the same? please,Fàng kāi wǒ..” (let me go.)

Lucas knelt to the ground and grab both of your hands tightly.

He’s eyes are swollen. Your heart aches for him, you still love him but this is so messed up. You remember the times before you lost contact with each other. Everything is so toxic..

Sometimes you have to accept the truth and stop wasting time on the wrong people.

“L-lucas,s-stand up please.”

“Bù, wǒ bù huì de! Bié pèng wǒ! Dōu shì nǐ de cuò! Bié pèng wǒ! Dōu shì nǐ de cuò! Nǐ qīpiànle wǒ.” (don't touch me! It's all your fault! you deceived me.)

“N-no,I didn’t.”

“y-y/n hear me out please I don’t love her.”

I hate it here.

Thankfully,Someone grabbed you out of nowhere.

You didn’t expect the sudden rescue,but you really appreciate it.

You cry hardly in the man’s arms.

It’s him. You missed him.

“Fàng kāi tā de Lucas.” (let go of her lucas.)

“I thought we were friends.”

“We still are,our friendship has nothing to do with helping y/n lucas.”

“You said you will support me!us!”

“That was then before you hurt her!”

“You know what would happen if I didn’t obey the company! You were there with me!”

“God damn lucas! You have a choice to accept it or not!”

“It’s my whole career! Everything I’ve worked for,and many more! I can’t afford to sacrifice my-”

“Then it’s not y/n’s fault. You chose your career over her, then why are you running after her? If you really love her you would choose her! You need to man up! You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

“y-y/n please make them stop! Nǐmen liǎ bié chǎole!Hendery please stop!” (You two stop fighting!)

“You. I know there’s something fishy behind your kind act. You know Xuxi already has a girlfriend! How dare you blackmail the higher ups just to make him yours? You sickened me.”

Your head is aching from all the crying and the things you discovered. You hated the drama.

“Bù Shì zhèyàng de! Wǒ méi nàme zuò! Nǐ zài shuō shénme-” (That’s not true! I didn’t do that! What are you sayin-)

“ENOUGH!”

You snapped. It took you a long time to get sick from all their lies.

“Y/n I promise you this isn’t tr-”

“I already said I had enough. Stop being pathetic Yuqi.”

A few people started to gather up when someone noticed the four of you, You are still with famous artists after all.

Hendery immediately dragged you out of the scene and took you to a car nearby, and drove his way out of there.

You love that park.Hangang Park is once full of your happy memories with your dearest ones,now it’s full of treachery,lies and contention.

You want to let go.

Many years of lies and denials. Now it’s all over.

“I thought I’ve lost you.”

“Trust me, I’m always with you.”

“Are we still friends?”

“There’s no break up in friendships.. At Least for me.”

You felt relief.

You can’t afford to have breakups from your friends. They’re all you got.

“Are you sure about letting go of him? You should know both sides.”

“I want to know both sides, I really do. But ican’t take all of this in one day. I need a break, this isn’t healthy. I just want to vanish for a second.”

“You didn’t answer me about letting go of him.”

“I don’t really know actually. But someone once told me ‘Never run back to what broke you’ I haven’t done that,I always thought that everything would be fixed once I stayed and put everything in order by myself. Turns out it didn’t. I think it’s time for a change.Someday, someone is going to thank him for letting me go.”

Someday, someone is going to thank Lucas for letting you go?

Hendery chuckled a little. Your saying once reminded him of the past.

When Lucas thanked him for letting you go.

It turns out, Hendery can’t let you go.

“Did you realize he didn’t actually let you go?”

“I know. But You can’t actually call it a relationship if you’re the only one holding on like I did. Besides he has yuqi.”

“Oh really?”

“You didn’t actually ask me where we're going. You just dragged me. Why did you do that?”

“I just did what I promised myself a long time ago.”

“What is that?”

You stared at his side profile while he’s driving.

He’s focused on the road, the oranged-pinked lights from the sunset pass through the windshield and hits his ethereally beautiful face.

Your Heart beats faster. It’s like the first time you met yukhei.

Hendery turned to you and smiled softly.

“It’s ‘once someone hurts you, I'll take you away from that person.’ I had a very horrible past. I’ve broken many promises from my loved ones,so this is the first time I’ve made a promise come true and I’m pretty proud about it.”

“By the way where are we going?”

“Anywhere you want, Where do you wanna go?”

______________________________

“Did you get it?”

“Yes sir I did.”

“This will be a really big scoop,let me see.”

“I just really love you so much *sobs why can’t you do the same to me?! I did everything for you!”

“Are you delusional?! You wrecked my life! How am I supposed to do that?!”

“Y-yn?”

“Y/n? y/n wait! y/n! Y-Y/n? Where are you going? Please let me explain, I didn’t do it. They made me do it y/n it’s not me i promise y/n don’t leave me Qǐng bùyào líkāi wǒ, wǒ qiú nǐle. Wǒ ài nǐ y/n. Wǒ zhēn de ài nǐ y/n, qǐng bié líkāi wǒ. J-jebal-”

“Sunbae, your phone is ringing”

“Annyeonghaseyo,This is Yeo Seon-Da from Dispatch Korea. How may I help you?”

to be continued.

AN:HELLO I KNOW THIS IS TRASH, IT’S BECAUSE I’M TRASH AS WELL. LOL I’M JUST JOKING (IT’S TRUE) THIS IS THE RESULT OF ME WATCHING AND READING TOO MANY CHEATING AND DRAMATIC DRAMAS, WEBTOONS, MANGA, AND NOVELS.

THANK YOU FOR REACHING THIS PART AND READING THE STORY. PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO MORE TRASHY STORIES BY YOURS TRULY.

ALSO PLEASE SUPPORT THIS YEAR’S PROJECT NCT 2020. THEY ALREADY EARNED NEW TWO BELOVED MEMBERS SHOTARO AND SUNGCHAN. PLEASE SUPPORT AND LOVE ALL THE 23 MEMBERS. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM FIGHTING ABOUT THIS AND THAT, IT MAY AFFECT THE MEMBERS’ COMEBACK. THEY’RE REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT AND GIVING THEIR BEST FOR US CZENNIES. LET’S DIVERT OUR ANGER AND HATRED TO THE UPCOMING SONGS AND MV BY VOTING,STREAMING IT AND SUPPORTING THE COMEBACK. LET’S ALL WORK HARD AND REPAY THE CONSTANT LOVE AND HAPPINESS THEY’RE GIVING US. LET’S GIVE THEM THE WIN THEY DESERVE!

시즈니할수있어! 모두 사랑하자!

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