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#knows merlin is his best friend. literally everyone knows this except him
camelotsheart · 1 year
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merlin and arthur are basically those annoying best friends that will say the most batshit insane things (commenting on each other's asses) in public (horse riding with 50 knights) in full volume
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arguablysomaya · 4 months
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please, elaborate on merlin bbc propaganda and stuff
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okay basically:
bbc merlin is a show taking place during a genocide
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camelot for 20 years has been genociding and ethnically cleansing everyone who can use magic, including magical creatures. They were all either exiled, fled, live in refugee camps or in hiding, and a great many were executed and slaughtered. Generally speaking, life is inhospitable in camelot for magic users.
And the show makes no attempt to hide this fact, either. We see multiple times over the death and destruction this genocide has wraught, and how radicalized most of the remaining magic population is because of it. For the past few decades, camelot has essentially been doing 2 things: persecuting magic users, and defending itself from vengeful/liberationist magic users
the king (uther) believes that magic users are (stop me if you've heard this one) corruptive, shifty, and evil. he's always paranoid that a magic user will take their revenge on him. and in a way, he's right: there are in fact a lot of magic users eager to kill him, but given the whole Great Purge and literally drowning children thing, you'd thing the show would be a bit more sympathetic to their plight. Nope.
in come merlin and gaius, our two main magic users. merlin is the protagonist, and gaius his benevolent mentor, so the audience is primed to be on their side. only one problem: from bascially the beginning of the series, these two are nothing more than agents for the very state carrying out the genocide. they devote their time to wholeheartedly defending camelot, especially from magic users, something they are rightfully called traitors for. they actively intervene to prolong the lives (and therefore regimes) of both arthur and uther, despite neither king showing any real interest in freeing their people. gauis represents the "diversity" of a genocidaire state; as someone uther only keeps around so long as he shuns any involvement with magic except what helps uther carry put his genocide, gaius hides and rejects every marginalized part of himself that threatens his access to power. even as a member of the oppressed class, he aids and abets the oppressors every step of the way. merlin, as an extremely powerful agic user in hiding, follows suit. the thing is, like so many other minority collaborators, this doesn't actually buy them safety, since they are Other, they still have to walk around on eggshells knowing one wrong move could get their heads chopped off. but this action of defending a regime that would kill you without a second's hesitation is presented as noble and heroic in the show, when in reality it's stupid at best and evil at worst. merlin and gaius might save a token kid from being brutally murdered, but they will never let anyone take action, let alone take action themselves, to proactively stop the brutality.
merlin is literally the most powerful sorcerer alive. if he wanted to, he could create a more fair, more just, better world in a blink. instead, he spends his time pretending to be a hapless servent, messing around with his war criminal friends, and killing any freedom fighter who dares to even look at the prince or king. why? well, he believes in the institutions (and a prophecy that never comes true... lol). ultimately, merlin and gauis hold the same prejudices and stereotypes about magic users that uther does: that they're untrustworthy, dangerous, and that it would be better for everyone if all but themselves (the good ones) just died or left.
and all the people they're defending the empire against... are other oppressed magic users. the VAST majority of antagonists are either magicians or magic sympathizers. even in the context of a genocide, the show takes the firm stance that the architects of genocide (the literal kings who order it to happen) are just flawed human beings who still don't deserve to be killed, while when the people they seek to wipe out fight back, our protagonists will happily mow them down. the show has no problem with killing people,and even killing innocents is only worthy of a fingerwag. it's fighting for liberation that the show makes the real problem. even when uther finally dies the show plays it like something sad, as if anyone is supposed to feel anything but joy that this old tyrant genocidaire finally kicked the bucket after having been saved a million times over from getting his comeuppance. Every magic user that has genuinely good reasons to want to tear down the kingdom are all painted with the "crazy evil person" brush.
another thing is that this show likes to get ~quirky~ with their agents of the state. along with arthur and merlin come a colorful cast of characters like the knights that you can laugh and cry with. the only problem is that despite how lovable these people are, they're still actively carrying out and enforcing a genocide. it's a bit like those tiktoks of IDF soldiers dancing or proposing. i can't feel for these people because despite seeming like relatable people, they're still engaging in something horrific. you can't escape the fact that these people can only exist in the relatively easy capacity that they do because the empire they work for is brutally repressing and eliminating entire cultures.
but the thing is, this strategy actually works. the fandom is often so taken in by fun character interactions and shipping moments that you can often witness people literally look past, or even praise their acts of genocide. these characters are so charming with each other that you can look past how awfully they treat oppressed people. yay! the prevalence of merthur brings up too many idf pinkwashing parallels it's actually insufferable. i had hoped we left oppressor/oppressed person ships behind in the 2010s but guess it's still around
by the time he takes over as king, the "great, kind" arthur is essentially an IDF soldier who only realized that Killing Is Bad Actually when he's got crosshairs on a random kid. now Reformed (TM), he takes the brave stance that he should only kill the angry bad magic users who try to exact their revenge for the whole genocide thing on him, and the peaceful (more often than not, harmless) magic users should accept the merciful counterplan of ethnically cleansing themselves from the region, or continuing to live in refugee camps, but this time with less threat of massacre. in this show, the only acceptable answer to being genocided is to either lay down and die, hide forever, or displace yourself hoping the empire doesn't come and kill you anyway. fighting back, getting revenge, defending oneself, trying to change things: these are all reserved only for the genocidal state.
in other words, bbc merlin is the exact type of genocide obfuscation that most modern genocides engage in. the suffering of oppressed peoples, even innocents, is a footnote. when they suffer, sometimes it's presented as sad, and other times it's presented as deserved. meanwhile, the suffering of the oppressors, no matter how justifyable, is always landmark and deserves our full attention and sympathies, because the thing about the oppressors is that it's always their story.
(the last thing is a common fantasy problem, which is that when you create stories where different classes have actual, material, biological distinctions, it can end up justifying the oppression. in the real world, there is a very limited range of innate human abilities, and people from across the world are largely evenly matched. but in merlin, a sorcerer actually does pose an increased threat to those around them. in terms of allegory... kinda not the best thing to so without any real refutation to the idea that magic corrupts)
so yeah. that's why i don't fuck with this show even though it's enjoyable to watch.
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make-me-imagine · 1 year
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Headcanons: Being best friends and in a relationship with Lou
Headcanons: Being best friends and in a relationship with Lou Ransone (+ pre-relationship friendship)
Pairing: Lou Ransone x Gn!Reader
Requested By: @will-grammer
Warnings:
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Pre-Relationship Friendship:
Neither you or Lou really remember when or how you became friends.
You just remember always getting along since you met, and somewhere along the way you became best-friends.
No one could compete with the other, you didn't really question it, you just became each others "better-half."
You know everything about each other.
What perfumes/colognes the other wears, their favorite snacks, foods, drinks.
You have said food/drinks always stocked at your houses for each other.
You have traditions for holidays, and birthdays.
Whether it be eating out at the same spot every year, or getting each other specific gifts that only mean something to you.
So many inside jokes it drives everyone else crazy.
You are partners at work, and you make a great team.
You always eat lunch and dinner together.
And often spend long nights working on cases together.
You take turns bringing each other coffee/tea and pastries in the mornings.
Sometimes you forget whose day it is so both of you end up bringing stuff, so you end up with four drinks and way too many pastries. Lucky for others in the office.
A lot of the time, people assume you are already dating.
At first you thought it was just funny, but slowly as each of you started to develop feelings for each other, the thought would make you blush.
You accepted that it was just you and that nothing would happen between you, but surprise! He felt the same.
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During Relationship:
When the two of you finally started dating, literally no one was surprised lol.
There was a betting pool going around the precinct about how long it would take.
Athena won.
Nothing really changed with your friendship, except the fact that you got more comfortable with touch, as it had a bit more meaning to it now.
When walking together, he will link his pinkie finger around yours, or take your hand in his completely.
He absentmindedly reaches or you if you stray too far away.
So you often feel his hand gently against your back or shoulder, and you naturally step closer to him.
Your offices at work are littered with pieces of each other.
He has a geode on his desk you got him for his birthday. He uses it as a paperweight.
You have an hourglass he got you for Christmas, that may or may not have been a friendly dig at you always getting distracted with work and overworking.
You also have a bunch of pens you have slowly stolen from his office. He knows they're there, but he wants to wait to see how many you accumulate before giving them back.
Most of the time, you are in each others offices, you might as well just share one at this point.
If someone goes into your office, you'll be in your chair, Lou will be sitting on the edge of your desk.
Go into Lou's office, you will either be sitting on his desk, or lounging on the couch in his office (that he added because you insisted).
Even though most people know you are in a relationship, you keep it "professional" at work. (Apart from the teasing, jokes, and occasional prank)
xx
General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @rexit-mo, @imaginesfire, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry, @onuen
911/Lou Taglist: @spuffyfan394, @webreathfandoms, @locke-writes, @persephonesportal, @pockyandme, @soultrysworld, @averyhotchner, @iinmysights, @that-marvel-simp, @gatefleet, @merlin-dahlia, @will-grammer, @aliceinwondwonderland,
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msmk11 · 10 hours
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Too Far Gone, Don’t Send Help
Part 1
Sirius Black x gn!reader
Word count: 2.5k
CW: Cursing, mention of broken bones
Summary: Multi-part fic of reader pining after Sirius Black and remaining stuck in the friend zone
A/n: Hey everyone! This is a new little fic I decided to start writing because I needed an outlet for my own, unfortunate situation of unrequited pining. I guarantee you that most of my content for this fic will be loosely based on my own experiences. That being said, I have not and likely will not experience resolution to my own unrequited feelings so who knows how this fic will end! Would love feedback or suggestions as I write! Hope you enjoy the first chapter :)
It was safe to say that you were completely and totally fucked. Though you’re not sure if you were ever…. unfucked?
So here’s the deal. You have had a MASSIVE crush on Sirius Black for just about a year now, and you barely know him.
Pathetic, right?
What makes it worse is that Sirius knows. Or, well, at least, knew. After one of your silly little friends had let slip about your crush at a Gryffindor party, one the very same Sirius Black was attending, he had acted sort of weird around you for a few weeks.
In the hallways he’d send you winks, across the lawn he’d shout hellos, and in class he’d pass you notes. But that little bout of attention was merely temporary. Within the month, Sirius seemed to have forgotten you entirely, and you were back to not existing in his world.
So when you find out that Sirius Black has joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a beater, the same team for which you play as a chaser, your stomach is filled with dread. You guess it’s no surprise that he joined, now that his best friend James Potter is captain. Still, you were hoping Potter would have picked literally anyone else to fulfill the position.
Just your luck.
Though anxiety claws at your stomach before the first practice of the season, you decide to act as normal as possible. For all you know, Sirius has totally forgotten about your little crush from last year- the one you still have, actually- but he doesn’t need to know that.
As the team gathers on the pitch for practice, you notice the typical start-of-the-year tension and awkwardness radiating from newbie players. Black, of course, is the exception as he casually stands with the fanciest broom and jokes with James about Merlin knows what.
You curse yourself internally that your body can’t help but react to how bloody good Sirius looks in his training clothes. The loose muscle tee that hangs off his body shows his deliciously muscled arms that just so happen to be covered in ink. His long black hair is pulled back into a casual bun with small pieces that seem to unintentionally frame his handsome face perfectly. You admire the glint in his gray eyes as he laughs animatedly and you wish you were the cause.
Knowing that Sirius was going to be at practices now, you intentionally avoid getting to the quidditch pitch until the last possible second. Still, Potter is automatically on your ass.
“Oi, glad you finally decided to join us,” he says mockingly.
You scoff and roll your eyes, “okay, so, no. We’re not gonna be doing that actually, this whole ‘telling me what to do thing’. Especially not when I’ve been your equal for years, Potter. Maybe even better.”
He huffs out a laugh, “if you were better, why am I captain then?”
“Cause I told McGonagall no,” you answer with a smirk.
His jaw drops and you start laughing. “So we good, pretty boy?”
The brunette rolls his eyes playfully at you and holds his hands up in surrender, “fine, fine, whatever. Let’s start practice. Three laps around the pitch everyone.”
While everyone else groans, you simply tug off your t-shirt, leaving you in a black tank and black Nike shorts. You look over to Marlene who is retying her laces slowly.
“Come on Marls,” you tsk, “the longer you put it off the more you have to dread it. Let’s just go do it.”
The blonde looks up at you and whines, “ugh, fine. Remind me again why you keep letting me come back to play. I hate running.”
“Cause you love being a chaser with me?”
“Ehhhhh…”
“Cause it makes you look bloody hot for your darling girlfriend.”
“Ah, right,” she says, her face lighting up. “That’s it. Race ya?”
“You’re on, McKinnon.”
The two of us tear off down the field at a fast pace, zooming past many of the other team members who, smartly, are doing a light jog. As we pass Sirius and James, who are running side by side, you hear Potter call out, “that’s right, kick their ass, McKinnon.”
Too focused to snark back, you simply flip him off and keep running as he cackles.
For you, running is a long game. So while Marlene is certainly beating you right now, you know that, ultimately, she will lose. Though you’re still running fast, you’ve decided to save some of your energy for the end of the race. When Marlene starts to tire out, you’ll still have stamina and end up passing her.
True to your goal, two and a half laps later Marlene has begun to significantly slow down. As she huffs and sort of holds her side, you gain speed and pass her. A burst of adrenaline shoots through you as you reach the finish line and cheer.
“Ah ha! Yes! I won!”
Marlene merely groans through pants and collapses onto the grass. “Merlin, I’m out of shape. I think I’m dying.”
You drop to your knees dramatically, “no, Marls, please, don’t die on me. I can’t survive this without you.”
Your other teammates who have begun to join you as they finish their three laps chuckle at your dramatics.
“If you die, I must die with you.” You then imitate stabbing yourself in the heart and collapse to the ground.
As you play dead with your eyes closed, you notice a shift in light behind your eyelids. You open them and squint up. Of course, no one other than Sirius Black is hovering over you.
“My, James never told me we had quite the actor on our team.”
Your heart starts beating faster and you flush a little, realizing you totally just acted a fool in front of your crush. “Yeah, well, everyone has their secrets,” you say softly.
“Such a disgrace to hide your talent from the world,” he answers dramatically.
You smirk a little and roll your eyes at the raven-haired boy, “Yeah well….” You stand up and brush yourself off before placing your hands on your hips and give him an awkward smile.
“So, a beater, huh? I didn’t pin you as the type to play Quidditch.”
“I don’t really, besides for fun. But James needed another player, and I have a lot of anger so….”
You shrug your shoulders, “fair enough.”
James interrupts your conversation, thank god, by announcing that you all are now going to run drills. He decides he wants to catch the new players up so he has Fabian Prewett, the seasoned beater, work with Sirius, Marlene work with the new keeper, some 5th year brunette girl you can’t quite remember the name of, and you with the seeker, a 4th year boy with bright blonde hair and wide eyes named Jackson Creevey.
“Okay Creevey. So we’re gonna work on your maneuvering first. Instead of releasing a snitch, I’m going to pretend to be it. I’ll zoom all around and I wanna see how quickly you adapt to wild turns, dives, etc. James will be watching and is going to give you tips. You ready?”
The eager blonde boy nods and mounts his broom. You both raise high in the air and face each other. “Okay, I get a five second head start. After that, try to tag me.”
With that you zoom off towards the goals on the left as fast as you can, anticipating the boy following you. Surprisingly, Jackson is bloody fast, but also a little more unstable on his broom. You pause as he rushes towards you and then at the last second fly vertically upward and flip around in the other direction. He zooms past where you would have been and has to slow down before turning around to follow. You zigzag across the sky, looping around the stands into the clouds and beneath the rafters below. As he gains on you under the rafters, you dart upwards back onto the field. This time, though, he anticipates it, and remains close behind.
“Good,” James shouts, “keep anticipating their moves.”
As you feign to turn left, you actually turn right and slip out of his close grasp.
Reveling in your victory of outsmarting him, what you don’t see is the bludger heading your way. Just as you hear the yell of “look out,” the ball slams into your shoulder and sends you off balance. You cry out in pain as you hear a crack and wobble on your broom. Luckily you are able to keep enough control to land safely before rolling off. A string of curses leave your mouth as you clutch your arm and writhe in pain on the ground.
“Oh fuck!” James hops off his broom and runs over to you. He kneels down in the grass and looks at your face.
“Hey, hey, are you okay?”
With tears stinging in your eyes you shout, “obviously not! I think my arm is broken!”
“Shit,” he mumbles under his breath. “Okay, let’s take you to the hospital wing. I’m going to help you up, okay?”
You grit your teeth, “my legs aren’t broken I-“
“Just let me help you- please” He begs pleadingly.
“Fine, fine okay.”
Supporting your back and using your other arm, he carefully lifts you to your feet. “Sirius, you grab her broom and meet me in the hospital wing. Everyone else, practice is dismissed.”
You ignore everyone’s concerned faces as you walk towards the castle with James. As much as you hate to admit it, tears are streaming down your face from the pain.
“What the fuck happened?” You mumble.
“I’m not sure, I was watching you and Creevey. But I think Sirius hit a rogue bludger and it slammed into you.”
You want to be mad at Black and curse his name, but between your feelings for him and the fact that you know it’s not his fault, you instead huff and say, “well tell him that he should save his hits for the rival teams, yeah?”
The bespectacled boy beside you lets out a quiet laugh and nods. “I really am sorry by the way. I can’t help but feel it’s my fault you got injured. I mean, it’s my first practice of the season as captain and someone already got hurt.”
At this point we’ve arrived at the castle and James rushes ahead to open the doors for you. You give him a small, watery smile and walk inside. As he trails after you you say, “look, you have nothing to be sorry for James. It’s not your fault. Accidents happen in quidditch all the time. It’s part of the game, I know the risks. I should have just been more careful. And anyways, it’s not like I’ve died, yeah? Just some broken bones. Madame Pomfrey will have me good as new by the end of the weekend.”
He sighs and rubs his face tiredly, “I know, I know, you’re right. I just want to do well.”
I stop and look into his hazel eyes very seriously, “James, you’re going to do amazing as captain. Though I might be a better chaser than you,” I smirk, “I’ve never met anyone more dedicated and passionate. You’re not just a great quidditch player, you’re a great leader.”
He smiles softly, “thanks.”
“What are friends for?”
*****
Once you and Potter had finally arrived to the hospital wing, you were promptly rushed to a bed by Madame Pomfrey as she mumbled about how dangerous quidditch was under her breath. As she looked your arm over she confirmed what you thought- broken bones. Though with the flick of a wand your bones were mended, she still ordered you a night’s rest in the hospital wing so that she could keep an eye on you in case anything went wrong. The pill she gave you to help with the residual pain quickly put you off into a deep sleep.
When you awake it is clear a lot of time has passed. It’s now dark outside and the room is quiet besides the soft snores of someone beside you. You squint at the figure sleeping in the hard chair next to your bed and realize it to be…Sirius.
Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise and you inhale sharply through your nose. It seems this startles him as he jolts awake and gasps a little.
“Oh, hi, you’re awake,” He declares softly, looking at you.
“What…are you doing here?” You ask quietly.
“I just…wanted to check on you.”
Your heart quickens at his seeming concern. “Black, I’m fine, really. My arm is all good to go, I’m just staying overnight cause Pomfrey wants to keep an eye on me.”
He scratches his head awkwardly, “oh, right. Well….I also just, wanted to apologize. It’s entirely my fault that you’re here. If only I’d been more careful…”
You smile a little at his anxious stuttering and thank the gods that he can’t see the heat flushing to your face over his cuteness. “Black, honestly, you’re fine. Shit happens, it’s part of the game. And if you really wanna repay me, help win us some games hmmm?”
He lets out a huff and slumps backwards in his seat, now more relaxed. “Yeah, course. Gryffindor is gonna bring home the cup again this year.”
“Well duh, how could we lose?”
“If our star player has a broken arm?” He teases lightly. “Don’t tell James I said that. He’d be offended.”
You roll your eyes and smirk, “of course not, gotta protect his fragile ego.”
Sirius lets out a loud laugh and you beam, though quickly shush him.
“Be quiet! Pomfrey will kill you for keeping me from my ‘much needed rest’.”
“Nah she won’t. Poppy loveeees me.”
You quirk an eyebrow in disbelief, “yeah, uh-huh, sure. All those gray hairs that have popped up on her head since you’ve been here really prove that.”
“Uhm, actually, that’s called aging,” the boy corrects you dramatically. “I am an angel.”
You snort loudly and cover your giggles behind your hand. Though you hear Sirius scoff in offense, you can faintly make out the smile playing at his soft lips.
“Okay Black, whatever you say.”
He hums softly and silence falls over us for a few minutes. Your mind is racing, feeling the need to say something, anything.
“Uh, you know you don’t have to stay. I’m fine, you know. You can go get some sleep.”
Okay, yes, send him away. Great idea, dumbass.
“No can do. It is my duty to stay here with you until you’re out of the hospital. I won’t feel right otherwise. You can go back to sleep though, I’ll just sit right here.”
“Nah that’s okay,” you say, “I’m not really tired after I just took the longest nap of my life.”
“Right, well, wanna play a game?”
You raise an eyebrow at him, “what sort of game?”
“Twenty questions?”
“Alright, but I ask you questions first.”
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Another Merlin Magic Revealed Fic!!
So here's the fun thing about this WIP. I started watching Merlin in 2021, and I only got about halfway through season 2 before I stopped watching it because I accidentally found out how the show ended and to this day I still can't force myself through that emotional turmoil BUT I spent an ungodly amount of time reading Merlin fanfiction and scrolling through character wikis, so I still know a good amount of what happens in the show even though I haven't watched all of it.
All that being said, I started writing a Merthur magic reveal fic back in late 2021, and wrote about a page and a half before I stopped working on it. And I never outlined it so I actually have no idea where this fic was going or if I'll actually finish it.
My best guess to what the premise of the fic was going to be, based on what is written already, is this:
Merlin saved Arthur's life with magic (again) but Arthur caught him this time. Of course there's the whole "Merlin begs for his life and promises to leave Camelot because he's terrified Arthur will hate him forever now not just for having magic but also because they've worked together for almost a decade now and he's been lying the whole time" but Arthur just isn't entirely sure how he feels about it. He tells Merlin not to worry about it, that they'll keep his magic between them and talk more later, and over the course of the fic, Arthur starts asking Merlin to do magic in front of him because he's truly curious about it until, well, Merlin's eyes are so pretty when they're burning gold and the way his lips shape around the incantations are very distracting and woah magic was outlawed but now it's hot????? Cue Arthur having his "wait am I in love with my best friend/manservant" bisexual confusion and literally everyone being like "you didn't know????" And well Arthur was just planning on making Merlin court sorcerer once magic was legalized but maybe they can be co-kings?
And basically I think I was just writing my own version of the popular Merthur fic tropes like "Merlin's magic revealed" and "everyone knows Arthur and Merlin are in love except for Arthur and Merlin"
But who knows for sure? Not me lmao
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dramioneasks · 7 months
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Hi. Can you recommend any hogwarts era fics where some jealous girl (might be pansy, astoria, daphne, ginny, literally anyone) is scheming to get draco and humiliate hermione? Bonus points if they team up with harry or ron
The Lonely Hearts by HeyMrsPotter - M, 26 Chapters - Post war dramione fic. Hermione returns to Hogwarts without Harry and Ron. Everyone has changed, including her. But are all changes for the best?
Illusioned - Shannona - E, 36 chapters, Words: 208,394 - Hermione returns to Hogwarts to complete her final year as Head Girl! With the Battle of Hogwarts over and the wizarding world uniting and attempting to return to peace-time, she says goodbye to her two best friends as they head to Auror training. Little did she know that her world would soon be turned upside by a person she had never expected to become a part of her life, let alone drag her into his. Plot Notes - Draco and his mother defected to the Order after the incident at Malfoy Manor (TDH), fighting on their side in the Battle. The story jumps back and forth from present-day (Hermione in her early-mid 20’s) to Hermione in Hogwarts.
Kiss Me Freely By: Emerald-Kisses - M, 27 chapters, Words: 207,011 - Sequel to MCMM. As lovers in a biased world, Hermione and Draco strive to fight against the war that was caused by their love, as friends and family fight to 'rescue' them from one another. Will their love survive this last year at Hogwarts or will everything fall apart? COMPLETE!
Above the Clouds by cathyyy - M, 43 chapters - Hermione is back for her seventh year at Hogwarts. Over one year has passed since the war and she finds herself changed by the experience. She needs something, someone. But everyone around her act like nothing ever happened, except for one. Draco Malfoy. With him as her teacher in flying, can she find a way to heal?
Midday Lovers By: GrandeVanillaSkimLatte - M, 15 chapers, Words: 27,413 - They just can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves and this gets them in all sorts of trouble. But what happens when their secret is nearly exposed? DracoHermione.
Internal Yearning by LittleLowe - M, 28 chapters - As if becoming a Veela wasn’t bad enough, he had to go and find out his mate was one Hermione Granger. Merlin, he was in for a rough year at Hogwarts.
-Lisa
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CW: brief mentions of abuse, violence, torture, as they appear in BBC Merlin
So I’m about ten years late on this but I’m really not seeing enough discourse about Morgana from BBC Merlin bc like. She is. Utterly Fascinating. She is a study in how writers at the time were absolutely panicking about how to deal with women activists and shows a really unnerving look at the way that people thought (and continue to think) that left wing activists are constantly on the borderline of falling into violent extremism and it is. Wild. And yet I barely ever seem to see people discussing her in depth?
It’s been mentioned a few times though on the Destiny and Chicken podcast (which if you haven’t listened, go do that immediately, it is a wonderful episode by episode breakdown and discussion and the hosts are brilliant) that Morgana’s obsession with killing Merlin (and kidnapping him, and torturing him, and emotionally wrecking him, etc., etc.) is strange because she doesn’t know about his magic and therefore she shouldn’t know that he is a legitimate threat. I actually completely disagree. I don’t think that it’s actually about his threat level at all. I always read her ‘oh he’s a thorn in my side’ type rhetoric, right from Season 3 and the scene where she says something like that to Morgause, as an excuse, rather than as her legitimate reason. I think that her obsession with hurting Merlin truly stems from his betrayal in the Fires of Idirsholas. I don’t think she ever recovers from it.
Think of it from Morgana’s point of view: she doesn’t know that Merlin was told that she was the vessel for the spell. In fact, she doesn’t even know that she is the vessel. Remember: Morgause enchants her to sleep before she a) consents to participate in the plan, and b) gives her any real detail about the plan. As far as she knows, something terrible is happening and someone is trying to kill Uther. With only that info to go on, she risks her life to help save Uther, despite everything he’s done to her and people like her (see: directly threatening her life, throttling her, locking her up etc.). Remember that she helps Merlin drag Uther out of danger. She has no idea what’s going on and she doesn’t have any expectation of her own safety throughout. When Merlin continues dragging Uther away after Morgana trips and a knight advances on her, she cowers because she’s fully expecting him to strike her.
Given this, when Merlin poisons her, there’s really only one thing that could motivate him, as far as she knows: she has magic. From Morgana’s POV, arguably her closest friend, the person who knows her most private and dangerous secrets and who seemed to accept her, turned on her at the first sign of a magical threat, without trying to speak to her or genuinely considering that she might literally be protected by her magic, but not be causing it. As far as she can see, he simply assumes that it’s her fault because she has magic, and his response is to straight up murder her. That’s intensely personal. She trusted this man with a secret that could kill her and he used that knowledge as justification to poison her.
Also, Merlin’s choice is essentially to kill her on the chance that it saves Arthur. He sees both Arthur and Morgana at risk and he chooses to sacrifice Morgana. There’s a repeating pattern of characters choosing Arthur over Morgana that I’ve always found intensely sad. Gwen falls for him and so Morgana loses her; when she comes back in S3, her best friend has moved on. Merlin chooses Arthur. Gaius chooses literally everyone in damn Camelot except her. Annis chooses Arthur. Uther prioritises Arthur and chooses not to claim Morgana as his family. She’s constantly isolated in favour of Arthur. Merlin might just have been the first and most traumatic loss.
(I will also point out that he used hemlock, a poison that, to this day, has no antidote. Without a ventilator and 21st century medical life-support machines, that girl should be dead. From what she can know, he didn’t want her brought to the point of death but maybe revivable, he wanted her Deceased. I assume Morgause healed her with magic but like, honestly, Merlin could not have expected that to be possible.)
I’ve gone on a bit but basically, I think that Morgana’s specific obsession with Merlin does make sense because it’s not partly political, like with Arthur, it’s primarily personal. I think this also explains why her plans re: Merlin are so centred on personally hurting him, rather than, as you said, simply sending someone in to slit his throat and be done with it. When he’s brought to her in A Servant of Two Masters, she literally stops someone from killing him so that she can hurt him herself. She tortures him physically and then tries to make him do the one thing that would hurt him most: kill Arthur. (This also ties in to Fires of Idirsholas, because in that situation Merlin chose Arthur’s life over hers and now she’s going to make him lose the person he sacrificed her to save.)
When she poisons him in The Hollow Queen, it’s violent and intimate and personal. Firstly, she uses poison, which is a direct callback to what he did to her. She forces it into his mouth and watches him. She barely uses magic at all, except to get him on the ground at first which is fair since she might not be able to do it manually any more since Colin Morgan suddenly grew three inches and got Shoulders. She uses something that will make him suffer for as long as possible. And she pushes his body over that ridge herself, without magic. Even the way in which she tricks him into following her into the woods is a sick recreation of her experience with Merlin and druidboy!Mordred.
Essentially, it comes down to her understanding of Merlin: i.e. she knows that Merlin will drop everything to help this innocent young boy that he’s known for thirty seconds—but not her. He will do anything to help anybody—but not her. It’s really fricking sad to me. She puts herself through watching him help a total stranger, knowing that he deemed her undeserving of his kindness; she forces herself to see, again, that he will help anyone, no matter what, even if they have magic—but, for some reason, not her. It must feel personal to her, which is I think why her attacks on Merlin are so personal in return.
Also, in the Hollow Queen episode, compare Morgana’s plan re: Merlin with her plan re: Sarrum. Sarrum imprisoned her for TWO YEARS in a pit and (it’s implied) physically or sexually abused her, and yet she’s willing to delegate that assassination to Gwen. She looks at her plan for the week, decides to get rid of both Merlin and Sarrum, and goes ‘mm yeah that’s too much, I simply don’t have time for both of those’ and chooses to prioritise killing Merlin herself over assassinating the man who, again, imprisoned and abused her for years. That, to me, really makes it seem like Merlin is still a more personal and important target. Sarrum she wants dead for his actions against her, sure, but she had no love for him beforehand so the trauma isn’t compounded by a previous relationship with the abuser. However, she loved and trusted Merlin before his betrayal and so her vengeance against him simply has to be carried out by her own hand.
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justalittleobsessed · 7 months
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🧡 A Little Fanfic for You... Or My Fic Masterlist ✍️
Fandoms: Merlin, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (all iterations)
Total Fic Count: 29
Main Fic RN: I Get Knocked Down (But I Get Up Again)
All fics can be found on AO3!
*Last updated March of 2024!
Merlin:
How to Reveal Your Magic Because You Have No Sense Of Self Preservation Whatsoever: A Guide By Merlin Emrys
A series of unrelated one-shots and short stories about Merlin revealing his magic because both he and all his friends are idiots. Also, Merlin, for the life of him, has no sense of self-preservation at all and I try to embody that in these fics.
Series info as of November 2023:
Not completed
10 works (listed below)
Best + Bitter = Better (one-shot, 2,637 words, part 1 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
This was actually happening. They were being serious. They were actually being completely, utterly serious.
“You can’t actually believe this.” He gestured wildly to the group of people in front of them. Well, as best as he could tied up. This was one of the most ridiculous things he had ever heard. This was… this was… he didn’t even know. “This is complete bullshit.”
“Emrys was clear in his instructions. You must be sacrificed in order to bring peace to Albion”
OR
The one where Merlin has had enough of everyone's shit.
Ironically Alive (one-shot, 3,139 words, part 2 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
Gwaine smiled that way he does when he wants to tick Arthur off. So really, it was his normal smile. “Seemed like a perfectly reasonable detail to point out.” He flipped his hair to the side, turning to face Arthur.
“Perfectly reasonable?!”
Behind Merlin, he heard some of the bandits shifting, whispering to one another. He was pretty sure it went along the lines of ‘what in the hell is going on’ and ‘there can’t actually be that many mysterious magical druids with blue cloaks that talk about destiny and give out magical red amulets to help stop enchantments that one sorcerer meets’, which, unfortunately, was sad and accurately true.
OR
Merlin is never relaxing ever again. He was going to make sure of that after this shit.
Pick Your Poison (Literally) (one-shot, 2,469 words, part 3 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
So. That… just happened. Leon, in his lifetime, had witnessed many strange, unbelievable, and frankly quite concerning things. When one lived in Camelot, and was friends with both Arthur and Merlin, one usually got into a lot of crazy and unbelievable situations. And Leon was no exception.
But this. This had to take the cake. “Merlin.”
He hummed in response. It was entirely too calm. “Why did you just drink poison?” Fire, no literal fire and chaos reigned around them.
“It seemed like the reasonable thing to do at the time.”
And yet, he found himself not surprised in the slightest.
Leon pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling the oncoming headache behind his eyes. Goddamn fucking stubborn idiot.
OR
Merlin decides poisoning himself is the best way to prove a point. Leon is just tired. So tired.
Caves and Valleys and Magic, Oh My! (one-shot, 2,603 words, part 4 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
Merlin stepped back. He was… appalled. Shocked. Angry. Slightly hungry. MAD. Who did they think they were?!
“Excuse me?!” Arthur screeched. “Merlin has magic?!”
“Yes.” Leon deadpanned. “Now please, Merlin.”
How did he get here? How did this happen to him? Why was his life like this? He just wanted to be in his nice warm bed and instead he was soaked, stuck in a magical cave, and made to listen to his friends reveal all his secrets.
Right. Sounded about accurate.
OR
Merlin just wants to be home. Unfortunately, it seems like everyone else his different ideas. Typical.
Let's Do the Time Warp (Hopefully Not Again) (two-shot, 9,946 words, part 5 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
“Merlin, mate. He’s not lying. I wish you two were married. I, for one, would be your best man, obviously.”
"Poetry," Leon mumbled behind him, "Goddamned poetry."
Merlin gave him another startled look-voice rising in distress. “You were my best man!”
Oh, how thoughtful. Too bad he doesn't remember.
Gwaine gave him a thumbs up. "Okay."
OR
Gwaine is generally confused about everything that is going on. Merlin, on the other hand, just wants to go back to his NORMAL, totally STRESS-FREE life. Hahaha.
Just Another Tuesday (one-shot, 3,104 words, part 6 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
Arthur… really didn’t understand what was happening here. Look, he was generally confused by Merlin most of the time - the man was a riddle wrapped in an enigma with a side of sass to boot. But this was too much, even by his manservant’s standards.
“No. I refuse to believe this. You,” He pointed at the woman, who had just been walking on water, and then to Merlin, who had just kissed the lady who was walking on water, “and you are not married.”
Merlin and Freya held out their hands. Rings that formed out of water moved onto their previously empty ring fingers.
“Oh,” Merlin said, like an ass, “I think we are.”
OR
Arthur just wants to be in bed. It seems the entire world is against that idea.
Today Has Been Like... Torture (one-shot, 2,299 words, part 7 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
“Wait a minute… Do you have a pit of fire?”
The shack they were in was very small. Very cramped, and very much smelling of blood. They both looked around the room as if a pit of fire would suddenly appear. Merlin hoped a pit of fire would suddenly appear. That would make getting kidnapped on a Sunday worth it.
Murder Man looked at the ground sadly. “No.” His voice was quiet, sad. So disappointing. A pit of fire would’ve really spiced things up.
OR
Merlin is positively bored. Sounds like a great time to get tortured, of course.
Call It Like It Is (one-shot, 2,900 words, part 8 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
“How do you…” Arthur wiggles his fingers, like he’s teaching magic to a five-year-old, ���conjure the fire?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” Merlin starts, because what the fuck else does he have to do, and Lancelot just looks at him with that stupid look he always does when Merlin’s about to say something particularly stupid- “I call it forth from the deepest pits of hell.”
OR
Everyone may know about Merlin's magic, but nobody knows what he's actually capable of. Merlin decides that this is a great advantage when your boyfriend is an idiot.
To Be a God (one-shot, 2,419 words, part 9 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
“Bow before me,” The sorcerer announces from his perch atop a pile of rubble, “for I am the Mighty Emrys, and I am a god.” It’s not a very mighty perch for someone who claims to be a god. In fact, it’s a very sad, unremarkable perch. Or maybe he’s just a sad, unremarkable man.
“No, I’m Emrys.” Merlin bites back.
“Maybe… we’re all Emrys.” Gwaine breathes out. Gwaine, Merlin thinks, really needs to shut his mouth.
OR
The one where someone claims to be Emrys, and Merlin decides to put him in his place.
Just a Minor Accident (one-shot, 2,431 words, part 10 of How to Reveal Your Magic series)
“I’m sorry... I must’ve misheard you. What the hell did you just say?” This can’t be real. This cannot possibly be real. He must be hallucinating. Hearing things. Maybe he’s finally lost it. That would make more sense than this.
Gwaine grins back at him with a somewhat manic smile. Merlin tries to sink deeper into his bed. “I said that we accidentally raised the dead.” No. He heard right.
OR
The Knights raise the dead. Merlin just wants one full night of sleep, please.
The Once and Future Reign (one-shot, 7,034 words, part 1 of In Another Time series)
It started with Merlin. It always starts with Merlin.
Just One Yesterday (chapter story w/ 4 chapters, 24,076 words, on hiatus)
Merlin had waited a long, long, long time for the return of Arthur. Maybe even the knights or Gwen. What he wasn't prepared for was an ancient evil rising up to destroy the world. He certainly wasn't prepared for six new occupants in his house, who had no idea how to navigate the new world around them. But, he could handle it. After all, he was the most powerful being on the planet. How hard could it be?
Auribus Teneo Lupum (chapter story w/ 1 chapter, 5,691 words, on hiatus)
Morgana had unleashed something onto this world that had shaken Merlin to his core. Something cold and dark and not at all right. It swirled and settled inside of him, mocking his magic.
No matter what happened in the next few days, Merlin knew that nothing would ever be the same.
The Remnants of a Warlock (one-shot, 6,588 words)
Merlin sees everybody he has ever held close to his heart die off one by one. But he always moves on. He has to. So he locks it up and keep moving, because that's what he does. It's what he'll always do.
OR
The one where Merlin watches as all his friends die. He might see them live, too.
TMNT:
Move Along
Mikey's got this bad habit of dying, and his brothers got this bad habit of not liking that. Mikey would appreciate it if his brothers would stop caring so much, and his brothers would appreciate it if he could start caring about it a whole lot more.
It's gonna be a wild ride.
Series info as of November 2023:
Not completed
2 works (listed below)
I Get Knocked Down (But I Get Up Again) (chapter story w/ 46 chapters, 120,944 words, updates every Monday)
Mikey lives, and Mikey dies. He’s been doing it for years, and yeah, sure it’s not his favorite thing to do, but it’s whatever. It’s nothing to worry about. He’s not worried about it. He just hopes his brothers never find out, ‘cause he has a feeling that they’d way overreact.
OR
Mikey’s died a bunch of times and is totally Okay™ with this. His brothers? Not so much.
When the Thunder and Lightning Comes (I Know That You'll Be by My Side) (chapter story w/ 16 chapters, 44,731 words, updates frequently, side story to main fic)
Mikey lives, and Mikey dies. His brothers live too, although they don't die, and find it very concerning that Mikey continuously and worryingly continues to do so without caring. They'll get Mikey to understand that maybe that's not all that great... as soon as they figure out what's going on, that is.
OR
Mikey keeps dying. His brothers would greatly appreciate it if he would stop doing that, please.
On Some Days (one-shot, 2,431 words, TMNT - All Media Types)
Sometimes, if he listened closely enough, he could hear their voices. Not often, not often enough, but sometimes.
It's too Quiet. He misses the Loud.
Life Could Be a Dream (chapter story w/ 9 chapters, 35,678 words, TMNT 2003, TMNT 2012, TMNT IDW, completed)
"Hey Raphie..."
"And that's another thing," he adds, narrowing his eyes, "since when do you call me Raphie?"
Since forever. He wants to say. But that was before, and this is now. He thinks he might kinda hate now.
OR
Mikey, being Mikey, finds trouble. It's just that this trouble seems to involve him being human. It also seems to involve him not talking to his brothers, or having a dad, or being a ninja. So there's that. But all those things can be fixed, right? Something's telling him it's not gonna be as easy as it sounds.
Whumptober 2023
Michelangelo-centric whumptober fics!
Series info:
Completed
11 works (listed below)
If Only the World Could Stop Spinning (one-shot, 2,019 words, part 1 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
The world is spinning, and his head is hurting, and he's not really sure what's happening, but he thinks it'd be better if his brothers were here.
Day 1: Swooning, “How many fingers am I holding up?”
Denial Only Gets You So Far (one-shot, 1,569 words, part 2 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
Mikey is not feeling the best... no matter how much he tries to deny it.
Day 2: Thermometer
All That Burning (one-shot, 1,058 words, part 3 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT 2012)
Mikey is burning, and he is fire, and he is everything, and he is nothing. He just wants it to stop.
Day 3: "Make it stop"
Just a Flesh Wound (one-shot, 3,301 words, part 4 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
Mikey has an unfortunate night. You see, getting stabbed wasn't really a part of the plan, but here he is, bleeding out and all, and that might be a bit of a problem.
Day 4: Shock, "You in there?"
Under Pressure (one-shot, 2,965 words, part 5 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
It's just a normal patrol until it isn't. It's just a normal patrol until Mikey decides it would be fun to get himself caught up in a collapsing building. The it was not a normal patrol. Donnie should've guessed.
Day 5: Debris, pinned down, "it's broken"
A Survivor's Guilt (one-shot, 833 words, part 6 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - The Last Ronin)
Michelangelo watches everyone around him die over and over again. Never able to save them. Never there in time. And the only thing he can think of the entire time as that it would be better if he was dead instead.
Day 6: Made to watch, "It should have been me"
Don't Go Silent on Me (one-shot, 2,846 words, part 7 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
Mikey is sick. His brothers aren't answering their phones. Well. Big brothers will always take precedent over fevers, so he'll just have to deal with that later.
Day 7: Alleyway, radio silence, "can you hear me?"
Actions Have Consequences (one-shot, 3,524 words, part 8 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT 2003)
Donatello is not having a very good day. And to top it all off, his baby brother is on the verge of death. And if he does... if he goes down... all they've done will be for nothing.
On the other side, Michelangelo is thinking the very opposite. Because if his enemy, the person that tried to hurt his family comes away with only a few scratches, then it'll all be for nothing.
Seems both brothers have some issues to work through.
Day 8: "It's all for nothing"
Something Old, Something Treasured (one-shot, 3,517 words, part 9 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT 2003)
In his pocket, Michelangelo carries around a picture. It has four brothers in it – orange, purple, red, blue – and smiling, laughing faces. It’s still glossy, even after a few years. Full of love. A reminder of heartbreak and pain. He keeps it around anyhow. It’s his most treasured item.
Day 9: Polaroid
Broken Promises (one-shot, 2,228 words, part 10 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - The Last Ronin)
They keep leaving. They keep leaving him, abandoning him. They're not supposed to do that. His big brothers promised him, after all.
Day 10: "You said you'd never leave"
Not the Best of Days (one-shot, 3,926 words, part 11 of Whumptober 2023, TMNT - All Media Types)
Waking up in a cell is not the best place to wake up, nor is it the best way to start the day. He just needs to figure out how to escape, how to reach his brothers, and most importantly... how to not die at the hands of this psychopath.
Day 11: Captivity, "No one will find you."
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sakarrie-creates · 5 months
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2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection
Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!
2023 Stats:
Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12  Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)
Posted Fics:
Supernatural (Gen): 2
When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.
He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters. 
Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right. 
The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2
What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.
Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.
Code Lyoko (Gen): 1
No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that. 
Specifics:
Events Participated In:
SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).
Best/worst title?
Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.
Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.
General Questions:
Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?
I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?
I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).
What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.
I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!
Okay, NOW your most popular story.
Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.
Story most underappreciated by the universe?
A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.
Hardest story to write?
It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.
Most overdue story?
It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.
How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?
Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off! 
Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.
Goals from 2022:
-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.
-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?
If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines
Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!
It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.
I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals! 
What are your fic writing goals for next year?
Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)
Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed. 
I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.
Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.
Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines
So, finally work counts goals are...
Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)
Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)
Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k
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messers-moony · 3 years
Text
King and Queen | S.B
Paring: Sirius Black X Fem!Potter!Reader, James Potter X Fem!Twin!Reader
Summary: James goes through a lot during his time at Hogwarts but his sister is always by his side.
Inspiration: Click
A/N: If this comes off insensitive to anyone please let me know and I will remove this.
James Potter was a handful. From the minute he was born, he had this gleam in his hazel eyes that raged and burned with trouble. His twin, Y/n Potter, was almost the opposite. The soft smile that laid on her features and the glitter of calamity in her eyes. Euphemia and Fleamont were in for a lot the minute their twins were born. 
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder is most comparative to having a web browser up with one too many tabs. James had always been unable to focus and was naturally messy. Truth be told, he thought it was normal, just as everyone else did. It wasn’t until his second year at Hogwarts did he realize something was genuinely wrong with him. 
Remus told him that he had this muggle thing called “dyslexia,” which was a difficulty in interpreting words, letters, and other symbols. However, it never affected his overall intelligence because everyone knew that Remus Lupin was indeed and wholly brilliant. It got James wondering, did his inability to focus, be organized, and hyperactivity have a deeper meaning?
His twin - Y/n - was quite the opposite. She made quick friends with Remus, Sirius, and Peter, who were close friends of her twin. Y/n was top of their class, creating a friendly competition with Remus, but she was always able to focus. Often she would hyper-focus, which would leave her working for over five hours at a time without realizing it. In those times, James would have to snap her out of it. 
Over the summer, James expressed his concerns to his parents. He was talking about how this could be a real issue he’s facing using Remus’ dyslexia as an example. Eventually, they gave in, letting James go to a muggle doctor. James had to fill out a questionnaire that would come back with his results in one week. That week was probably the longest week of his life. Nonetheless, his test results had come back positive. 
Fleamont and Euphemia would be lying if they were surprised. After hearing about the disorder, it was almost the definition of their eldest son. Fortunately for James, the muggles had come up with a cure - no, not a cure - dammit, what was it again?
Impede the symptoms! That’s what those muggle pills do. James was required to take two pills a day, one in the morning and once at night. Y/n was in charge of making sure he did so because - more times than he’d like to admit - he would forget everything if it wasn’t for Y/n. 
In third year, James was as energetic as ever while getting on the Hogwarts Express, “Aren’t you excited, Y/n?!”
She chuckled, “Yes, but Merlin, you don’t need to literally jump with joy.”
“But I’m excited!”
“I know that.”
They made their way to the compartment that held Remus, who was reading a book. James sat in front of him while Y/n took her seat beside Remus, “‘Ello Remus.”
“Hey, Potter pair.”
Y/n sighed, and James groaned, “That nickname needs to go away.”
“I quite like it.” Remus stated smugly, “Suits you both.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?” Y/n accused falsely, “It means that wherever one of you are, the other isn’t that far behind.” Remus replied. 
James had zoned out already, and Y/n snapped in his face, “Take your pills?” 
“Forgot.” James muttered guiltily, “Oh Godric.” She whispered. 
“Pills?”
“James went to a muggle doctor this summer.”
Remus quirked an eyebrow, “Did you now?”
“Got diagnosed with ADHD.” James informed, and Remus looked amiss, “Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.”
“Ah, I’ve heard of that.” Remus said, and James smiled sheepishly, “I feel kinda odd, like out of place.”
“Why?”
“Dunno, just, why can't I be normal?”
“You are normal, James.” Y/n reassured, “And anyone who says differently obviously doesn’t care about you.”
The compartment door slammed open, “Who doesn’t care about who?”
Remus snorted, “Ever the dramatics, huh, mate?”
“‘Course.” Sirius flopped down beside James, “It comes with my charm and devilishly good looks.”
“Ah, yes.” Y/n said, chuckling, “Don’t you see how I’m swooning for you?”
The back of her palm was against her forehead, “Come off it.” James swatted at her and then elbowed Sirius, “Better not make my sister swoon.”
Sirius chuckled and shrugged, “Can’t help it. I’m just that irresistible.”
The four of them laughed at Sirius’ dramatics and continued talking about the new term. Remus and Y/n were talking about books they couldn’t wait to read. Remus was even kind enough to gift her some muggle books he bought over the summer holiday. Sirius and James bickered about what pranks to do this year, along with which ones were better. 
Third-year was fun. It was a year of flooding corridors, turning Slytherin robes red and blasting music in the common room after a Gryffindor victory. James was a brilliant Quidditch Chaser, and Y/n was a fantastic Seeker. Nothing was quite like the Potter pair. Something about them was just unforgettable. 
Maybe that’s why Sirius was so fond of her. Something about the Potters made people around them smile on the hardest of days. They made sure that every moment was a night to remember. Every memory was worth reliving. So adventurous, so reckless, yet so kind and loving. 
By the time fifth year rolled around, Sirius Orion Black had fallen off a cliff into a lake called love. Sirius completely submerged himself in love for Y/n Potter. The younger twin by just 20 minutes, but something about her was so divine. Was it her silk and glittering h/c hair? No - maybe it was her gleaming e/c eyes. Perhaps it was for her strive for adventure and extreme kindness. 
Nonetheless, Sirius fell hard.
And who better to tell than James Potter himself?
Causally - as usual - Sirius opened the door to the Marauders dorm. It was empty aside from the brunet boy with glasses on the bridge of his nose. His hazel eyes were focused on a textbook - Potions textbook - maybe it was to impress Lily. Sirius couldn’t care less, so he pulled the chair out in front of the desk and sat before James. 
“Mate, I need your help.”
“Running from Filch?”
“No. Something- Something worse.”
“Something worse?” The textbook shut loudly.
Sirius nodded, “Way worse.”
“Alright then, come into my office.” James teased, and Sirius grinned. 
It was silent, “I’m in love with your sister.”
James sputtered, “Excuse me?”
“I’m in love with Y/n.”
“No, no.” James waved his hand horizontally, “I heard you.”
“Then what else would you like me to say?” Sirius asked. 
“Literally anything else.”
“Sorry, mate.” Sirius muttered, “I- I really didn’t mean to.”
James chuckled and wiped his hand across his face, “I suppose you can’t really stop love, huh?”
“You really can’t.” Sirius agreed, “I tried. I promise I tried.”
“It’s not that big of a deal late.” James assured, and Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, “I trust you just-“
“Just?”
“I’m worried about her.” James completed, “I- I worry about her every night.”
Sirius softened, “It’s like you with Regulus-“ James continued before Sirius could interject, “And don’t pretend. Your silencing charms are bloody terrible.”
“I know you still care for Regulus, you worry about him every night, and I do the same for Y/n, except my silencing charms are better.” James teased sightly, “I trust you, Sirius. You’re the brother I never got but always wanted. You know, the brother I can play Quidditch with, rough around with, the brother who’s just as sneaky and mischievous as I.”
“But Y/n is still my blood. She's my twin, my best friend, my partner in crime. She was the mind behind my pranks before Remus.” James elaborated and then smirked, “Remus and Y/n make a great team, ya’ know?”
“They are quite brilliant.”
“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, take care of her?” James looked like the eleven-year-old boy again, “Don’t make her a fling and don’t make this temporary.”
“Y/n is a strong woman, and she isn’t for weak men. I’ll be honest,” James chuckled, “She doesn’t need a man. She doesn’t even really need me. I need her more than she needs me. Regardless, take care of her. She deserves a man worthy of her. Someone that’ll get her ice cream at 4 a.m. because she’s craving it. Someone that’ll go on sporadic trips with her. Someone that’ll understand that after a hard day, all she wants is a book and coffee.”
Sirius was appalled; he’d never seen James look so passionate, “Growing up, mum always told me to be a gentleman. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but she always raised me as one. To hold a door for them, push and push in their chairs for them, give them my jacket even if I’ll freeze.” 
“Those kinda things. Dad said I should practice on Y/n, and I did. From then, Y/n always got treated like a queen, and she deserves no less. I won't lie, my parents treat me like a king too, and I don’t want any less either.” James explained, “Be the king that’s worthy of my sister.”
“That’s all I ask of you.”
Sirius nodded, “I’d be honored to serve her as my queen.”
“And if you show her no less, she’ll spit you out like chewing gum.”
He shuttered, “I hate how accurate that phrase is.”
James laughed, “I know her more than you think.”
By sixth year they were dating. Sirius would be lying if he wasn’t eternally shitting himself when Y/n said yes to going to Hogsmeade with him, alone, as a date. In fact, James almost wanted to throw him a party for finally not being a little bitch and asking out his sister. This party consisted of a bottle of firewhiskey and chocolate because that’s all that was in the boy's dormitory. But a party nonetheless. 
When Lily rejected James for the last time before graduation, he was utterly heartbroken. He’d spent and dedicated seven years of his life to this gorgeous woman. Despite all his efforts and all his charms, she still wasn’t interested. James tried. He really tried. He wanted Lily so bad. His heart broke when she said her final words of goodbye.
“I’m sorry, Potter. Maybe in another life, just not this one.”
Tears had ebbed at the corner of his eyes as he made his way back into the castle from the Black Lake. In the common room, where he felt like he had just got dowsed in water. James made his way to the girl's dormitory. His hand curled into a fist and knocked lightly on the wooden door. Shuffling was heard from the other side, and the door finally opened, revealing his sister. 
Without warning, James crashed into her arms, forcing his nose in the crook of her neck, “Woah.”
“Are you okay, James?”
His body shook with sobs as he shook his head no, “It’s okay. Let’s go lay down, okay?”
Gently she led him to her bed. He curled up beneath the navy blue comforter and placed his head on the silk pillow sheets. If he tried hard enough, he could forget the way Lily’s hair smelt today or the way her green eyes glistened in the sun. Now engulfed in his sister's scent, trying to remove every feeling for Lily possible, he dug his nose deeper into the comforter. 
Y/n sat beside him, her back to the headboard, and ran her fingers through James’ already untied hair, “What's got you so worked up?”
“It’s done.”
“What’s done?”
“L- Lily and I.” James choked, “She- She really doesn’t want me.”
A new wave of tears overcame him, and Y/n continued to try and soothe him, “Well, she’s a tosser.”
James narrowed his eyes, “James, you know I love her. She's my best friend, but if she can’t see what’s right in front of her, then she’s an idiot.”
“Can I- Can I stay here tonight?” He asked hesitantly.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay at your dorm?” Y/n questioned, “Because you know who sleeps here.”
“Will you stay with me?”
“Till the end.”
After a couple of minutes, Y/n and James made their way down the steps to the boy's side. They walked up more steps and finally made it to the boy's dormitory. James collapsed on his bed in the left corner of the room, and Sirius perked up at seeing his girlfriend enter the room. 
“Whatcha doin’ here, love?”
“Staying with my brother.”
Sirius nodded and stood up to hug her, gently pecking her forehead, “If you guys need anything, let me know, ‘kay?”
“Thanks, Siri.” 
Gently Y/n pulled back the maroon curtain and sat down beside him again. James reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. Something they used to do as kids. When a thunderstorm would go by, James would always seek sanctuary in his sister's comfort. 
He fell asleep that night, knowing he was safe, loved, and knew that someone cared about him. Even if Lily didn’t love him, at least someone else did. He had his boys, and he had his sister. Right now, that’s all he needed beside him: Screw Lily and her idiot decision skills. Y/n was right; she was a complete tosser. 
When Hogwarts was over, James and Y/n got a flat together. Sirius, Remus, and Peter got one only a floor above. Realistically this wasn’t the plan. James always planned to buy a house with Lily, but he was still healing, and after everything going on, it was vital for him to hold his sister close to him.
Euphemia and Fleamont barely lived to see their children graduate. Not too long afterward had died due to the horrid dragon pocks. It devastated both twins and Sirius. While Sirius wasn’t their true child, he very well could’ve. Euphemia noticed Sirius’s lingering stares on Y/n and the loopy smile that graced his features.
She was the one who got Sirius to man up. She was the one who gave him advice. She was the one who told him what books were her favorite, which chocolate she liked the best, her favorite quills. Euphemia was one of the main components in getting Sirius to date her daughter, and when it finally happened, the parents couldn’t have been happier.
James’ ADHD still remained even in his adulthood, making regular everyday tasks much harder and twice as long. Most of the time, the pills were able to help him complete those tasks. But sometimes, when Y/n wasn’t there to remind him, he would miss his days. When Y/n got home from work, she had barely taken off her shoes to see the apartment spotless.
It was a pleasant surprise, but James was never really one to clean, not that she really minded, but the apartment didn’t have a speck of dust on it. Hesitantly she put her keys on the island along with her bag.
“James!”
“Yes, Y/n?”
He appeared in the kitchen where Y/n was, “Um, did you clean the apartment?”
“Yes, I did!” James nodded enthusiastically.
Y/n sighed and gave her brother a sweet smile, “What did you not do today?”
“So, you know how you told me to go to the pharmacy?”
“Mhm.” Y/n nodded, “Indeed I do.”
“Well, they were out of my meds.” James informed, “I have to wait a week.”
“Oh, Merlin.”
“On the bright side!” James was already causing her a headache, “It’s gonna be a fantastic week! I’ve got so many things planned for us! We’re gonna go-“
James continued to ramble as Y/n grabbed her keys, bag and slipped back on her shoes, “I’m going to Sirius’!”
“Thought you were my sister.” James faked pouting, and Y/n smiled, “I love you, but you’re crazy.”
“I love you too!” He yelled as she closed the door.
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Merlin accidentally becomes Legolas/Katniss/Merida… you know the type;
He may be shitty at sword fighting, but Merlin begins to use a traditional bow and arrow and… actually becomes very good at it??
I imagine the first time he does it, it’s a complete fluke.
The five knights, The King, and Merlin are on their way back from yet another (frankly, ridiculous) quest.
They have been, of course, ambushed by a group of bandits, twenty to their six (six plus Merlin, though no one bar Lancelot knows about his magic, so he isn’t counted as a fighter). Though the knights outweigh them in skill, their sheer numbers makes it a… challenging, fight (meaning that they are winning, but far too slowly for their liking, and no one wants to admit it).
Now normally, Merlin hides behind a tree or in a ditch, and performs his spells quietly without being noticed, slowly helping and speeding up the fight. Except this time, the Gang was in the middle of a barren, open field, the bandits had disguised themselves with magic until the moment they attacked, and Merlin was right in the middle of all the action.
Everyone worried for his safety. There was nowhere for him to hide here, so they had to keep an eye on him, lest he get hurt (and Arthur sulked, or kicked off, depending on how badly he was hurt).
With nowhere to hide (and no branches to drop, or roots to trip people with), and one of the knights throwing a glance his way every ten seconds, he couldn’t use his magic.
He was currently on his hands and knees, Leon directly in front of him, Percival to his left, holding off four attackers between them (Merlin would marvel at how impressive that was if he weren’t otherwise preoccupied).
He keeps trying to get to Arthur, crawling between legs and over the groaning, injured bodies of bandits (he made a point to land sharp elbows and harsh knees into the more… sensitive areas), but with everyone moving around so rapidly, and the vicious swinging of swords and axes and maces inches above his head, he kept getting side-tracked and blocked and almost knocked out.
With a frustrated huff, he notices yet another bandit rounding on The King. Said huff turns into a pained gasp when he realises that Arthur hasn’t seen him yet.
The bandit raises his weapon in the air, seconds from bringing it down on Arthur’s back, but Leon is right there, and there are no branches to drop on him, and Arthur still hasn’t noticed!
The noise is too loud, grunts and yells and clashes of metal drowning out any sort of warning yell that Merlin could throw Arthur’s way, and he scrabbles around on the floor desperately; hands raking through sharp grass and over bloodied bodies as he stares in horror at the triumphant smirk on the future-King-killer’s face.
Time seems to slow (no magic, just adrenaline) as Merlin’s hands find purchase on a smooth, curved piece of wood. He picks it up without looking, at first intending to throw whatever it is as hard as he can in the bandits direction, before something (magic, instincts, periphery vision, who knows) tells him to look down.
He obeys, and widens his eyes as he sees the longbow gripped tightly in his right hand, and a stray arrow on the floor next to his left.
Merlin is no expert, only having actually hunted once or twice back home in Ealdor, when he was younger, but that was just enough knowledge for him to know roughly how to notch the arrow and fire. He pulls the two up quickly, a plan formulating in his head:
Step 1) Notch arrow.
Step 2) Close eyes.
Step 3) Magic? Hope?
Step 4) Come up with some sort of lie that explains how he managed to make the shot from sixty yards away, through a crowd.
Thankfully, it would appear that Merlin’s bad luck has given him a rest today; the first three steps go off without a hitch (the fourth will come a little later, when the battle is over), but he doesn’t have time to congratulate himself before he’s thrown into the fray, the bandits now obviously seeing him as some sort of threat.
Arthur finally defeats his own attackers, looking behind him in shock to see his unknown enemy lying on the floor, gurgling up blood and grasping weakly at the arrow through his neck. His head whips to the side, trying to find whoever had made the shot; his bewildered gaze meets Merlin’s for only a second before the servant is dragged to his feet, and promptly punched in the face.
He stumbles back and can just about hear Leon yell something from beside him but he pays it no mind, righting his balance once again and swinging his arm back, before bringing it down harshly on his newest attackers head. The resounding crack echoes over the field as the wood of the longbow splits in two on the bandit’s skull, and he drops like a sack of potatoes.
The fight doesn’t last much longer, each knight taking advantage of their enemies' fatigue, and Merlin using his now broken longbow to whack them in the shins or trip them up when they weren’t paying attention.
He was sad to see it broken, but two of his closest friends literally owned a blacksmith's, and he had easy access to the Castle’s armoury; he could get a hold of another one easily enough, as long as he survived the journey back home.
The battle finally came to a close. Everyone was exhausted, and each of them was sporting more than one hefty bruise, but they were all alive and there were no serious injuries, so they could be grateful for that. After Arthur had counted his men, and generally taken stock of things, he traipsed tiredly over to Merlin, who had abandoned his broken bow in favour of cleaning a still weeping cut on Elyan’s temple.
“Didn’t know you had it in you, Merlin.”
The servant ignores him at first, biting his lip in concentration as he carefully wipes the grime away from the wound. It was small, so an infection wouldn’t be too worrying, but it wouldn’t be comfortable and would make the scarring worse, so best to avoid it if at all possible. He hums in satisfaction as he leans back on his heels, Elyan gives him a grateful smile, and Merlin finally throws a glance Arthur’s way, before focusing back on threading the needle in his hands; it would only need two or three stitches, thankfully:
“Hmm. I'm not fond of hunting, but we had to for food back in Ealdor. Except we didn’t have fancy crossbows or hunting dogs, so we had to make do with hand-whittled longbows.”
Arthur nods, frowning slightly:
“Still, if I’d known you were that good, I would’ve demanded you had a bow of your own; that way us lot wouldn’t have to spend so much time making sure you don’t get yourself killed.”
Merlin smirked and quirked an eyebrow, but doesn’t look away from Elyan’s stitches, whispering an apology at the man’s wince before he speaks slowly, concentrating:
“Careful Sire, that almost sounded like a compliment.”
Elyan snorts out a laugh, but Merlin tuts and lightly slaps his leg disapprovingly, and he stills again. Arthur rolls his eyes with a huff:
“As if. Hurry up, I want to get moving as soon as possible.”
~
Arthur wasn’t the only one that noticed Merlin’s outstanding shot, and over the course of the next few day’s journey home, he received a multitude of compliments from the other knights. 
Including an hour long excited infodump about the history and use of longbows from Leon, which Merlin eagerly hung onto every word of, a fond smile on his face (Leon was a noble, and had it practically beaten into him to not ramble, so Merlin always did his best not to discourage the man. That, and the fact that it was actually very interesting, and useful, if he were to keep up this charade that he was an expert marksman).
When Merlin finally had a moment alone with Lancelot, a few days after they had gotten back, he burst:
“Please please tell me you know how to use a longbow??”
Lancelot raises his eyebrow from where he was sat on the bed in Merlin’s room. Merlin was staring at him with unconcealed desperation, and the knight chuckled as he answered:
“Why? It’s not like you need any more training, that was a cracking shot.”
Merlin huffed loudly, running his hands through his hair as he looked back at the knight:
“I used magic!! I closed my eyes so no one would see and I guided the arrow with magic! Now everyone thinks I’m some master marksman! This is bad. What if next time I can’t use magic, or what if someone notices that I have my eyes closed when I fire?”
Lancelot clamps a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to stop himself from giggling, but he gives up quickly, bursting into laughter at the younger man’s panic. Said younger man fumes, sputtering as he picks up one of the knight’s discarded boots and throws it at him:
“It’s not funny, Lance! I’m being serious, this is an actual issue!”
Lancelot calms himself, rubbing the mirth from his eyes as he takes a deep breath:
“Ok ok, sorry. Yes, I can teach you to use a longbow properly. Have you ever actually used one before, or was the hunting thing a cover?”
The red fades from Merlin’s face slightly as he realises the other man is intending to help him, his panic lessening:
“Sort of. Yeah, I went hunting with a bow a couple times, but not enough to be that good at it.”
Lancelot sighs fondly and nods his head:
“Well, that’s a start at least. Come on, I’ve not got patrol until after dinner, and Arthur thinks you’re busy helping Gaius, so we’ve got a few hours.”
~
So I imagine that’s how it goes for a while.
After their last big adventure, Arthur was reluctant to head out as a group again, wanting to give everyone time to recuperate and get back into the swing of things.
Merlin’s skills with a bow were bought up constantly by everyone, news had even reached Gwen (who gave him a proud smile and a cute little dance to congratulate him) and Gaius (who raised an eyebrow, and had much better skill than Lancelot at holding in his laughter). 
Gwaine, Elyan, and even Percival were desperate to set up targets and watch him shoot shit (their words), Leon wanted to talk about the specifics of technique and crafting, and Arthur... well. Arthur sounded like he was taking the piss, but there was something else in his tone that Merlin couldn’t quite pinpoint. 
Affection? Pride?
Probably not, probably jealousy and annoyance that Merlin is so effortlessly good at something that Arthur himself was average at at best.
Merlin manages to avoid it for a while, showing his “skills” off, but he and Lancelot are running out of excuses, and Arthur is starting to accuse him of being a fake who got lucky. Normally, things like that didn’t bother Merlin, and technically Arthur wasn’t wrong... he had got lucky, and cheated with magic, but that wasn’t the point. It was nice for Merlin, to be good at something, really good.
He was good at plenty of other things. Magic for starters, though not even Lancelot knew the full extent of his power in that area. But he cooked well (shown by the fact that the knights always scoffed the lot), he was a good physician (shown by the fact that the knights trusted him just as much as Gaius when it came to treating injuries and sickness), and he was a BRILLIANT servant, if he did say so himself.
But he never got any actual praise for that. Merlin hated to think badly of the knights, his friends, but they only complained when Merlin wasn’t there, never praised him when he was. Well, apart from Lancelot. And that had just started a bunch of rumours that they were... uh... boinking. 
(False. Anyone with more than two braincells could see that Sir Lancelot was head over heals in love with the newly-promoted Housekeeper, Guinevere, and that The King’s Manservant had an affinity for certain a blond prat-King.)
ANYWAY
It was nice for Merlin to have a skill that others thought worth complimenting, and with Lancelot monitoring his practice sessions, correcting any mistakes and offering congratulations whenever he did well, he hoped it wouldn’t be too long before he no longer had to come up with excuses.
Luckily, Merlin picked it up very quickly. 
Despite being clumsy by nature (though Lancelot is starting to suspect more and more that it’s all for show), the dark haired servant can consistently hit bullseyes from fifty yards within a month. The further away from the target he got, the less astounding his aim was, but that was to be expected, and another month later he could successfully hit a moving target from seventy feet.
A training session, around three months after he started properly practicing, he finally “gave in” to Gwaine’s begging. Lancelot helped him set up a bunch of targets, and fetched a bag of apples to throw.
Merlin put on quite the show, grinning at the uproarious applause he got from the knights when he hit every single bullseye, and every single thrown target. Thankfully the knowing, proud smiles between the servant and Sir Lancelot went unnoticed, and even Arthur gave him a clap on the back and an impressed nod.
~
The first time Merlin met the knights in the courtyard to find Leon holding a longbow and quiver of arrows out to him, he panicked slightly, but one reassuring smile from Lancelot boosted his confidence, and he took them with a quiet thank you.
(After the fifth time, Arthur huffed, and told him to just keep them. He was the only one that regularly signed them out of the armoury anyway, so it would just be easier if he just took possession of them.)
It settled everyone’s stomachs, knowing that not only did the group have a master marksmen, hiding in the trees and taking out enemies that they didn’t see coming, but that Merlin personally now had more than his frankly horrifying (or... horrifying as far as they were concerned) stealth skills to keep him safe.
And that (a master marksmen in the trees) is exactly what happened. 
In the early days, it involved a lot of bruises; Merlin could fire well, but firing and balancing at the same time? Took some getting used to, and involved a lot of falling out of trees at inopportune times.
The knights, Gwaine and Arthur especially, laughed endlessly at that, but quickly stopped after a particularly tired and irate and bruised Merlin fired an arrow so close by Gwaine’s crotch, that it stuck his trousers fast into the tree just behind him.
At first, it was meant to be just as back-up; Merlin was no knight. He still refused to wear armour, and Arthur didn’t want his manservant to make himself a target... at least that was his excuse.
Really, it was because (as far as Arthur was aware) Merlin had never deliberately killed before. Even now, years into his Kingship, and even longer into his knighthood, Arthur hated killing; it made him sick, and took a lot of practice at compartmentalization before it no longer bothered him as much.
Merlin was his manservant, his (best) friend, the love of his life (secretly). He was not a warrior, he was not meant to kill, he was meant to be protected from that.
But alas, Merlin did not get the memo, and the first patrol he went on with his bow and quiver slung over his shoulder, he killed at least five bandits.
After the fight, it was Leon who approached him first, a concerned look on his face despite Merlin’s nonchalant expression as he checked over the string for wear and tear:
“Are you feeling alright, Merlin? You got a few good shots in there, you’re not feeling sick?”
Merlin looked up at the hand on his shoulder and the soft words, a confused look on his face:
“Why would being good make me feel sick?”
Leon tilts his head in sympathy, which just makes Merlin even more confused:
“The man you killed the other month was spur of the moment, protecting your King. But you... you killed a fair few men today, Merlin. I know that can be incredibly difficult at first, I just wanted to check in.”
The others had finally walked over to join them; Percival, Elyan, Gwaine, and Arthur looking equally concerned, whilst Lancelot hid his proud smile. Merlin just raised an eyebrow at them:
“You seem to be under the impression that I’ve never killed anyone before?”
Everyone (bar Lancelot) looks taken aback at that, and Arthur frowns whilst Leon drops his hand in shock. The King speaks slowly:
“Merlin, are you telling us you’ve killed people before?”
The manservant clenches his jaw at that and looks back down at his bow, resuming his checking of the string and its knots. He speaks lowly, and the knights can tell it’s not a topic he’s fond of:
“Hmm. It’s a tough world, Sire. I’ve done what I had to, to keep myself and the people I care about safe.”
At his dark reply, conversation stopped, and didn’t resume for the rest of the day as everyone contemplated Merlin’s words.
That is, until he was the first one to successfully catch dinner later that evening. At which he got an incredulous look from Arthur when he made it back to camp with his half of the patrol:
“I thought you despised hunting??”
Merlin didn’t look up from the hares he was skinning, and the rest of the knights tuned in, curious:
“No. I hate hunting for sport; it shows hubris and cruelty. Hunting for food is not only necessary and natural, but humbling, if you do it right and honour every part of the creature.”
Arthur, ever the eloquent one, stared at him blankly, and said, rather dumbly:
“...What?”
Merlin huffed, finally looking up:
“Going after helpless animals on horseback with crossbows and hunting dogs is like giving yourself a huge pat on the back for winning a tournament against an unarmoured, unarmed, unconscious opponent, and then calling yourself strong and brave for daring to fight in the first place. It’s an egotistical act of violence for no other reason than cruelty for the sake of cruelty.-”
The knights looks on him with shock, Percival and Leon at least having the decency to look a little ashamed. Merlin looks back down to the hares, and everyone notices the careful way he cuts at the fur:
“I’ve taken these lives to feed us as a necessity. The meat will be eaten, but that isn’t all. I’ll take the bones home for Gaius, the marrow is useful in a lot of medicine. The fur can be repurposed for winter gloves or socks. The organs and other bits that we won’t eat: I’ll take for the pigs in the farms, or the dogs up at the castle. In using every part of them we are... honouring them, in a way. As a thank-you for their... sacrifice.”
Arthur looks a little dumbfounded. As royalty, he of course had never really considered the waste that comes about with hunting, but Merlin, a farm-boy from a rural village who barely scraped by every winter? Of course he saw a deeper meaning in hunting. He would have to.
Elyan is the first to break the silence:
“You almost sound religious, Merlin.”
Merlin looks up at him, a strained smile on his face. As magic incarnate, he has a particularly strong, temperamental relationship with nature and her creatures, a bond that some might call faith. To be wasteful or cruel in any way hurts him in more ways than one:
“Not really, I just have respect for nature, is all.”
No one mentions the thinly-veiled insult, but everyone creeps closer, wanting to see the way he disassembles the creatures for future reference.
~
It’s been eight months since that first, perfect shot.
Merlin’s skills with a longbow had become a normal, expected part of The Gang’s experiences, but the knights never stopped praising and thanking him when he saved their lives (something that Merlin still hadn’t quite gotten used), and The King had apparently not stopped thinking about it for barely more than a second. 
Yule was approaching quickly: Merlin, Gwen, and the Steward being constantly busy with preparations in the castle, the knights being run off their feet escorting emergency aid to the border villages for the harsh winter, and Arthur himself having every minute of the day taken up with speech writing, invite sending, and his other general King-during-Yule duties.
That however, was all to be expected, and of course did nothing to keep Arthur and Merlin from their annual traditions.
It wasn’t official, it wasn’t even spoken of, but the last evening of Yule, the night before the new year, the two of them always spent together.
The last feast of the year would finish, Arthur would stay to see his guests off, thank the staff for all of their hard work, and finally retire to his chambers, his tired manservant barely a hair’s breadth behind him. They would sit in front of the lit hearth (in comfy chairs that only they used), work their way through a jug or two of wine, exchange small gifts, and fall asleep in front of the fire. Their hands, dangling over the side of their chairs, seem to be creeping closer and closer with each passing year; though have yet to become entangled by morning.
This year was somehow no different, and very different, at the same time.
The King and his Manservant settled in their chairs, tired and already a little more than tipsy from the wine drunk during the feast. Arthur looked up at Merlin, the fond smile dropping from his face when he sees the other man’s features pulled into a contemplative frown:
“What’s on your mind, Merls? I don’t think I’ve seen you this serious since the start of the celebrations.”
Merlin looked up at him suddenly, his eyes wide, but he smiles and shakes his head:
“Nothing, nothing. Just thinking is all.”
Normally, Arthur would raise an eyebrow and let a scathing tease on the state of Merlin’s intelligence fall from his lips, but not tonight. This is the only night of the year that The King allows himself to entertain the idea that perhaps he and Merlin were more than friends, or at least could be. So instead he resumes his smiling, and looks back to the fire, taking another sip of his wine before responding softly:
“What about?”
Merlin hums, copying Arthur’s wine-sipping, before taking a deep breath:
“The future, mostly. You, me, Camelot. Secrets and truths, and when one might turn into the other. Soon, I think... yeah. Soon.”
Arthur huffs slightly in amusement. He knows that Merlin hides a great deal of himself, but he always becomes more cryptic after a few glasses of wine, like he desperately wants to say something and doesn’t have the power to stop himself from hinting at whatever it may be.
He asks his next question good-naturedly, a smile sweetened by wine gracing his face:
“The hell does that mean?”
Merlin lets out a short laugh, looking up at the other man:
“Oh, you know. Thinking about spilling all my deepest darkest secrets to you, at some point soon.”
Arthur snorts, saying, only for the sake of keeping up the charade they’ve built:
“You don’t have any secrets, Merlin. Certainly not any that are deep or dark.”
Once, Arthur would have believed that. Then, when he stopped believing it, he was angry about it, and now? Now, he finds he doesn’t mind so much. He is confident, he has faith, in both himself and in Merlin. He knows that those secrets are there, and Merlin knows that he knows, but that’s ok. Nothing either of them could reveal would tear them apart, at least not for long, so Arthur was happy to wait until Merlin was happy to share.
Merlin chuckled at Arthur’s response, shaking his head slightly before reaching down and picking up a small wrapped parcel that he’d stowed away before the feast:
“Come on, I’m a little nervous about your gift this year, so let’s get it over and done with.”
Arthur nodded, accepting the change in subject, and set his wine down so he could pick up the (much bigger) parcel by his own chair.
Merlin raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. After the first gift-exchange happened, Merlin had put his foot down and made Arthur swear to not go overboard on the expense side of things. Arthur may have been a prince, and now a King, but Merlin was still just a servant/physician; he could hardly afford anything worthy of a King. 
He had a feeling that Arthur might’ve broken his word this year, but where Arthur had likely gone overboard with expense, Merlin had definitely gone overboard with sentimentality.
They swapped parcels, Merlin placing the large, heavy box carefully at his feet as he gestured Arthur to open his first. Arthur got to it, tearing the paper off without a second of hesitation, and Merlin allowed himself to smile fondly at the child-like excitement on the blonde’s face.
Arthur’s brow creased as he dropped the paper to the floor, stroking soft fingers over the worn leather of an old, well-loved book. Merlin took deep, fortifying breaths as Arthur carefully opened the first few pages, butterflies in his stomach as Arthur’s eyes wandered the yellowed paper in curiosity.
The King looked up at him, amused confusion on his face as he asked:
“Is this yours? I didn’t know you could draw, Merlin.”
Merlin gulped, and shook his head as memories of the exquisite sketches filled his mind; detail-perfect renditions of the castle, the town square, waterfalls and knights in action and people that Merlin didn’t recognise (for the most part. Arthur evidently hadn’t gotten to any of the pages with young Uther on them).
“No, not mine. This one requires a little explanation-”
Arthur nodded, carefully closing the book and holding it protectively in his lap as he gave Merlin his undivided attention:
“-I mentioned off-handedly to Leon a few months ago that I thought the lack of... of paintings of the late Queen in the castle was odd.-”
Arthur gulped at the mention of his mother, but nodded with a small smile when Merlin paused:
“-He said that when she passed, The King had everything to do with her moved to the vaults. He couldn’t force himself to destroy any of it, but looking at it, day in and day out, was too painful. We found the keys, with the help of Geoffrey, and went down to have a look, see what we could find. We didn’t tell you about it because we didn’t want to disappoint you, in case we couldn’t find anything.-”
Merlin once again looked a little nervous at this, and reached a hand out towards Arthur. When the man didn’t flinch away (if anything, he leaned into it), he moved to grip his shoulder blade, running his thumb over the exposed skin at the base of The King’s neck.
“-We found... a lot. Old clothes and paintings mainly, some jewellery. But then I found that;-”
He nodded at the book in Arthur’s lap, and tightened his grip on his shoulder. Merlin spoke his next words so quietly that Arthur almost doesn’t hear him, a soft smile on his face:
“-your mother was quite the artist, Arthur. I knew you had to have it.”
Arthur gasped softly, his eyes widening as he looked down at the book:
“You... you think my mother drew these?”
Merlin smiled at him, moving his hand to squeeze Arthur’s wrist slightly, before dropping it entirely:
“Check the back page.”
Arthur took a deep breath before doing what Merlin said, handling the book with even more care than he had before now that he knows who it belonged to. He turned to the very last page, to see an inscription written in beautiful cursive. Merlin recited it aloud, having memorised the words weeks ago:
“My dearest son, my silly sketches are able to hold only a fraction of our Kingdom’s beauty. I know one day that you will see what I see, treasure it just as much, and make it your own. You have my support, forever and always, your loving Mother.”
Arthur bites his lip harshly, lifting the book to press his forehead against the words as he shuts his eyes tightly, though that does nothing to stop the tears. Merlin replaces his hand on The King’s shoulder as the man shakes. He sniffles slightly, putting the book back in his lap, though keeping his hands wrapped around it securely, as he looks to Merlin:
“Merlin, I... I don’t even know what to say. This is... amazing. I... Thank you.”
Merlin smiles, shaking his head slightly:
“Technically, it wasn’t even mine to give, it’s always been yours. But I thought it might make a nice surprise. There’s plenty of other stuff down there, I’ll show you in the morning.”
Arthur nods his head, wiping his tears as he carefully places the book on his side table and gestures to the box at Merlin’s feet. He was itching to scour through the book, dedicating every single line to memory, but whilst Merlin had been nervous about Arthur’s gift, Arthur was buzzing about Merlin’s, and he was desperate to see the man’s reaction.
Merlin huffs out a laugh, but picks the box up, noting once again how heavy it is. He sets about removing the paper, much calmer and more methodical than Arthur had been, with his face pinched in concentration.
He frowns in curiosity as he sets eyes on the wooden box. It had a hinged lid, and a logo that he’s certain he recognises burned like a brand into the corner. He can feel Arthur bouncing in his chair slightly, and looks up at him in amusement, laughing once again when he nods excitedly back down at the box.
He lifts the lid, and takes in a shocked breath.
Inside was a beautifully crafted long bow; the wood smooth and varnished and carved, and a leather quiver. The patterns embossed in the leather and carved in to the metal at the base, match those carved into the wood of the bow, and Merlin traces soft fingers over the intricate swirls, stopping with a teary smile at the Pendragon crest, carved just next to a Merlin bird.
He lets out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding as he looks up at the excited King:
“Arthur this is beautiful. Gods I almost don’t want to touch it, I feel like it should be on display behind glass.”
Arthur lets out a laugh, obviously pleased with Merlin���s reaction:
“Nope. It will be going with you every time you leave the city, and considering how much trouble we always seem to attract, I have no doubt that it will see a lot of use.”
Merlin laughs, closing the lid carefully and setting the box back on the floor, before launching himself bodily at Arthur. The blonde laughs, wrapping his arms around Merlin’s middle with no hesitation as the other man mutters endless thank-yous in his ear.
The servant finally pulls back, settling in his own chair again, and the two of them hope that the other puts the flush on their face down to the wine, and nothing else. They look to each other with wide grins on their faces, and Arthur breaks the stare first, taking another gulp of his wine before laughing jovially and speaking:
“Well. Here’s to an amazing year, and hopefully an even better one, starting in a few minutes.”
Merlin nods, lifting his own goblet to tap it against Arthur’s:
“Here’s to the past, that guides us-”
He gestures to the book on Arthur’s table:
“-and the future, that calls to us.”
He gestures to his new bow, and they both finish their wine off, a healthy flush to their cheeks and fond smiles on their faces.
They fall asleep in their respective chairs, the same as every year. 
In the morning, they wake with pounding headaches, a promise of a golden future, and hands intertwined.
~
THE END!!
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kohanayaki · 3 years
Text
.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 6
You continue the tale of how you, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter became known as The Marauders.
LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2    CH 3   CH 4   CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8
___________________________________________________________
Ch 6 .:The Making of the Marauders:.
~Previously~
“That was when they were first starting to put the map together,” you continued, “but that wasn't even the biggest secret they had. Of course, I wouldn't find out about that for another year. . .”
“So at this point I knew that they were hiding something else, but not what it was,” you told Harry, continuing on with your story, “But one night we had planned to meet up and use the invisibility cloak to map out the underground tunnels that ran through the storage cellars, and they never showed up. So I snuck into the Gryffindor common room through the secret passage and found their dorm completely empty. But what was there was our work in progress map. . .”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1975  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“This isn't going to work,” Peter said flatly, watching James and Sirius draw a large circle in chalk on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.
“Not with that attitude it's not,” James said, “if there's a way we can speed up this process I'm willing to give it a go. I don't know how long I can go on with this bloody leaf in my mouth.”
“Is this even real?” Peter sighed, “it looks like what muggles think magic is.”
“It's real all right,” Sirius said, “old, but real. I mean, Transfiguration was founded on the principles of magic circles! I'm not really sure what these runes on the side mean, but it's probably not important.”
“I seriously doubt that,” Peter retorted, “Remus, back me up here.”
He turned towards Lupin, but he had long since dozed off, arms crossed as he leaned against one of the nearly decaying walls in the corner. Peter sighed, taking a piece of paper from the ground and crumpling it into a ball before promptly throwing it in the sleeping boy's face. Lupin jolted awake, realizing what had happened and chucking the paper back at Peter in annoyance.
“Not a moment of peace,” he huffed under his breath.
“Sounds awfully boring,” James said over his shoulder.
“Blimey, what time is it?” Remus said, panicked as he noticed the light had completely gone from the sky, “It's long past sundown.”
“So?” Sirius shrugged.
“So, we told (Y/n) we'd meet them to work on the map at dusk,” Remus said, “They're probably looking for us right now!”
“Oh, they are,” you announced your presence, an unimpressed look on your face as they jumped, whipping around to look at you.
“(Y-Y/n)!” Sirius stuttered, “how did you—”
You held up the map, raising a brow at the four guilty looking boys.
“Right. . .”
“You snuck into our rooms?!” James said incredulously as he saw the map, which he was sure he had left on his bedside table, in your hands.
“You've snuck into my shower before, Potter,” you glared lightly at him.
“Point taken.”
“Okay, look, I'm sorry we didn't show tonight, and I know we've been acting weird,” Sirius sighed, “the truth is—”
“Lupin's a werewolf.” 
The color drained from Remus' face, slightly mortified that you already knew.
“Come on, guys,” you said, “the claw marks and you lot disappearing whenever there's a full moon kind of gave it away. You aren't exactly subtle about it.”
You could sense the intense nervousness in the room, especially from Remus. Ok, so maybe coming right out with it wasn't the best course of action.
“Look,” you said, “if you're worried about anyone else finding out, they won't. I mean, the only reason I even knew you were here is because I'm literally helping you make a magical map that details all the secret passages and shows where everyone is. I won't tell anyone, I swear.”
They still seemed a little unsure, and you bit the inside of your lip slightly.
“If it'll make us even, I'll let you know a secret of my own,” you said, “it can even be future blackmail me if you really don't trust me.”
“No, it's not that, (Y/n),” Remus said as he stepped forward, his throat feeling dry, “it's just, well, I've never really told anyone except the people in this room. Having someone else know. . . it's just a lot to process, but if had to be anyone I'm glad it's you.” He paused for a moment, feeling oddly self-conscious as he regarded you. “When I turn into a werewolf I can't recognize any human as someone I know. I have no control over myself in that state. In the worst case scenario, I could injure or even kill someone I didn't mean to. We originally started taking note of the secret passages and rooms to find a place where I could turn safely and not hurt anyone, and we settled on here. I don't remember much when I come out of it, but. . . I do feel this painful sense of separation each time. Werewolves are pack creatures by nature, so being isolated in that state is. . . agony, if I must be honest. They all figured, I can't recognize humans, but perhaps I could recognize other animals, so. . .”
“They're trying to become animagi,” you finished, “so you won't have to be alone. That's. . . that's actually really sweet,” you said, a breathy laugh escaping you.
Remus thanked Merlin the Shrieking Shack was as dimly lit as it was so his beet red face was at least somewhat less noticeable.
“I agree,” Remus said, turning to his friends and sharing a rare, genuine moment with them. “And, you don't have to tell us your secret,” he said, turning back to you, “it's okay.”
“Hey, I wanted to know,” Sirius said, Peter swiftly elbowing him in the ribs.
“I was actually planning on telling you anyways,” you said, “If you guys are trying to become animagi, I can help you.”
You took a few steps back, bracing yourself against the wall.
“Promise me you won't freak out.”
After receiving a few quick nods, you kicked off the wall. Your body seemed to morph in mid-air, shrinking and re-configuring so fast that by the time you landed on the floor you had been entirely replaced by a large, (e/c)-eyed wolf with fur reminiscent of your hair.
Peter yelped, instinctively putting Sirius in front of him who was gawking at the sight. Remus was in complete shock and you could have sworn you saw James' glasses slip down his face.
In your animal form your heightened senses could sense their fear, and you tried your best to assuage it. You padded around in a circle, sitting down and blinking up at them to try and show them you were in control of your actions. After you figured they'd seen enough, you crawled back into your robes, which had pooled on the floor when you'd transfigured, and willed your body to turn back.
James, Sirius, and Peter looked somewhere in the intersection of shocked and terrified, but Remus looked nothing less than impressed.
“That's amazing, (Y/n),” he said breathlessly, “your transformation was seamless, how long have you had this ability?”
“My aunt had me go through the process when I was nine,” you said, a bitter edge to your voice as you fastened your clothes back around you, “it's not fun, but obviously useful. And thank you, but trust me, it didn't come at all naturally to me. I spent a good part of my winter break stuck with a wolf's hind legs, which is just as inconvenient as it sounds.”
“But this proves that it's possible!” James said, a new rush of energy invigorating him, “we can actually pull this off.”
“If I can manage to keep this sodding leaf from choking me every ten minutes,” Peter grumbled.
“Here, this should help with that,” you said, drawing your wand and pointing it at Peter's mouth. With a simple sticking charm, he suddenly felt the odd sensation of the leaf in his mouth disappearing, only to find it had melded with the flesh on the underside of his tongue.
“It's a long process, but yes, it's possible,” you said to James. Your eyes drifted to the floor where the magic circle and pages of runes were still scattered about, “if you were thinking of taking shortcuts, you might have wanted to read the warning about this spell requiring a blood sacrifice.”
The quartet paled and you laughed at their dumbstruck expressions.
“Kidding,” you grinned, “but seriously, there's no shortcuts. Now look alive, boys. We have a lot of work to do.”
_________________________________________________________
From then on, you helped the four wizards along on their quest to become fully fledged shifters.
“In order to become an animagus, a wizard must keep a Mandrake leaf in their mouth for an entire month, even when eating and sleeping,” Peter read aloud from the book they'd snatched from the restricted section, “Next, under a full moon, the wizard must place the leaf in a vial full of dew that has neither been stepped on nor exposed to the sun. The resulting potion must be stored in a dark place, and the following incantation: Amato Animo Animato Animagus, must be recited every morning until an electrical storm arrives, at which point the potion can be taken.”
“Blimey, all that to turn into a bloody cat?” Sirius said, exasperated.
“Well we have the first part almost done,” James said, feeling the faintest outline of the leaf still under his tongue, “Next full moon we'll have to go dew-hunting, I suppose. Looks like you'll have to stick it out for a few more cycles, Moony,” he said to Remus.
“That's alright,” he said, “I've made it this far.”
“He won't be alone for those,” you said, “I'll spend the full moons with him until you guys are ready.”
“What?” James said, looking at you like you'd just told him you were off to join Voldemort, “not a chance, that's way too dangerous.”
“Aw, don't act like you're all concerned about me all of a sudden, Potter,” you smirked. When his expression didn't change it took you aback slightly. He was actually worried about you. “Look, I'm probably the best suited for it anyways,” you said, coughing a bit to coast through the awkward tension, “Remus and I are both wolves, or at least partly. If one of you end up turning into a sheep or something you might be dead meat, not to freak you out or anything.”
“That's reassuring,” Sirius said under his breath.
____________________________________________________________
“You really don't have to do this,” Lupin insisted as you sat on the floor together in the Shrieking Shack later that month.
“I want to,” you assured him, “take it as a thanks for helping me pass Arithmancy. Besides, it's a perfectly fine excuse for me to practice interacting with other animals in my animagus form.”
The boy beside you was quiet for a moment, shoulders tense and jaw set tight. It wasn't that he wasn't happy you were here, he was more grateful than you could know, but he was terrified that he was going to end up hurting you. On top of that was the fact that he didn't want you to see him as he transformed. It wasn't pretty, and it was visibly painful. He didn't want you to think any lower of him, though he knew that fear was irrational.
The calming jazz record that spun on the other side of the room was the only noise between you two for quite some time, but you understood that he needed time to gather his thoughts. This was something so deeply personal you were surprised and a bit honored he allowed you to be here at all. You noticed the photograph that he held in his hands; it was of Hogwarts, taken from the very edge of the forest. The sun was peeking over the horizon, spilling out between the complexly constructed towers that made up the castle's exterior, and casting a warm, golden hue over the landscape.
“It's beautiful,” you said, “the picture.”
“It is,” Remus smiled to himself and nodded, “James gave it to me, as a reminder. He said that matter what happens during the full moon, the sun will always rise on us again.”
“Huh,” you mused softly, “perhaps he isn't such an insufferable jerk after all.”
“Oh, no, he is,” Lupin chuckled, “but he is also a very good friend, and endlessly thoughtful even if he denies it.”
You let that sink in for a moment. You supposed he was.
“Well,” you said, laughing a bit as you shifted in your seat, “this isn't as deep and meaningful as the photo, but I brought something for you.” You reached into your bag, retrieving something that made Remus' eyes widen.
“Where did you get that?” he said, elated as you held out his favorite chocolate bar which had been out of stock at Hogsmeade for weeks now.
“You guys have a secret tunnel that goes right to the Honeydukes cellar and you've never taken advantage of their storage?” you grinned.
Lupin hesitated as he held the bar in his hands.
“So you stole it?”
“I left five dracma in the tip jar,” you rolled your eyes, “I'm not a death eater.”
His smiled returned at that, and he ripped open the familiar foil gratefully.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“It's the least I could do,” you said.
“It's really not,” he said, turning to face you fully. You were left a bit breathless as the unexpected intensity of his eyes. “None of this is the least you could do, because the least you could do is nothing,” he continued, rambling, “we were so horrible to someone you consider a dear friend, and you were willing to look past that. You're risking your life by even being with me right now, (Y/n).”
“You don't—”
“I do know that,” Remus said sharply, “I've never been in contact with anyone as a werewolf. The one time I was, I. . .” he trailed off, and it hurt you to see his pained expression, “I just don't know how I'll react.”
“You're saying that as if something bad's already happened,” you said gently, “it'll be okay.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked quietly, equally full of frustration and admiration.
“I'm willing to put my trust in you, Remus. I think it's time you put some trust in yourself.”
Lupin's heart pounded a little harder in his chest. Had you ever called him by his first name before? You looked at him so reassuringly, so confidently. He couldn't understand it, but your words reached him to his core.
“(Y/n). . .” he trailed off, blinking rapidly. A shaky breath escaped him, and your stomach dropped.
“Remus?”
Suddenly you saw something shift in him. His breathing became heavy and his pupils dilated, completely filling his irises in a matter of seconds. He braced himself against the wall as he stumbled to his feet, his skin slowly taking on a gray hue.
“It's happening,” he said, voice deeper and strained, his neck convulsing, “you have to transform, now!”
You didn't waste any time, taking the shape of your wolf form and padding away a cautionary distance. Your stomach churned as you watched Remus yell out, his expression full of pain as his body grew in size, his cries slowly becoming reminiscent of howls. His face contorted in agony as his head morphed into a more animalistic shape, ears growing from his scalp and fur appearing as if his werewolf was fully formed inside him, physically escaping through his skin. You've seen werewolves before, but seeing someone you know actually turn into one, it was completely different. Nothing could have prepared you for this. Seeing anyone in this much pain made your chest tighten harshly.
At last it seemed the transformation was complete. Remus Lupin was gone, and in front of you stood a creature of at least eight feet, perched on his hind legs and towering over you especially in your animal form. You could hear how ragged his breathing had become, his body convulsing with the motion; growing and retracting like a beating heart. You heard a whimper escape his throat, and you could tell he was still recovering from the pain.
You steeled yourself, making the decision to alert him to your presence subtly. You tilted your head upwards, releasing a similar sounding whimper to his. Immediately the werewolf across from you was on high alert, his head snapping towards you and his lips pulling back into a snarl as his ears lowered. You took an instinctive step back, lowering your head slowly. He seemed puzzled by your behavior, which made sense seeing as Lupin told you he never interacted with any other animals during the full moon. His head tilted inquisitively and he took a heavy step forward. You forced yourself to not back away, testing the waters. His eyes narrowed again as he saw you standing your ground, but you quickly sat down, your head tilting to expose your neck slightly. You made doubly sure not to show any signs of aggression; you knew you had no chance against a werewolf at full strength.
However, he seemed to take your queues well. His tail seemed to relax a bit, his eyes returning to their full, round shape as he looked at you with curiosity. You sniffed up at him and he hesitated, but eventually circled around you and did the same. You could almost see the turmoil in him, as a werewolf you doubted anyone he came across treated him with anything less than terror in their eyes, but you were completely relaxed.
He whimpered again, and you were shocked at the sign of submission. You rose to your feet, and he didn't back away. You let out a friendly yip, which he returned, and you felt the weight lift off your chest. You leaped to the side, and he followed you, running alongside you as you bounded across the room, practically leaping off the walls. You jumped at each other playfully, rolling across the floor in a mess of fur. You smiled inwardly as this continued throughout the night, no longer seeing fear or pain or aggression in his eyes when you looked into them. Even if he wouldn't remember most of this, you hoped he would at least feel better in the morning than all the times he had to go through it alone.
Exhausted from all the playing around, you padded softly back to your robes, crawling inside yours and and gesturing over to him with your head. He followed you, coming down to all fours before laying beside you. You weren't sure when sleep came over you, but it was like the world's most comfortable blanket had been thrown over your shoulders, and your eyes drifted closed of their own volition. . .
“Merlin's beard, just what were you two doing last night?!”
You and Remus both jolted awake at the sound of James Potter's aggravatingly loud voice but quickly came to your senses. Remus' arms were wrapped around you, your back facing him. You were just barely covered by your robes with nothing underneath as a result of your transformation. As you scrambled to get decent your face heated even more as you saw Remus was currently without a shirt, his pants ripped considerably. You scrambled away from each other, trying to make yourselves decent.
Peter was howling with laughter, James looking smug as ever. Sirius was oddly quiet, but you were too wrapped up in the embarrassment to notice his behavior.
“What was that about being 'endlessly thoughtful'?” you grumbled to Remus.
“Right, I completely take back what I said,” he scoffed, “ 'insufferable jerk' is much more accurate.”
“Close your eyes, you perverted git!” you yelled at James, who was blatantly staring at you, “toss me my clothes at least, would you?”
James bit back a smirk as he grabbed your bag that was sitting in the corner of the room— clothes you had brought with the intention of changing into after returning to your human form when Lupin fell asleep. He tossed it over to you and you began to change under your robes. As his back was turned to you his mind began to wander. You'd always been attractive, sure, but since you'd always been his rival he hadn't really given you a second thought, especially when he'd been trying to get Lily's attention for ages. But just now, thinking about how downright adorable you looked when you'd yelled at him, something in him shifted. He shook it off quickly, turning to Lupin with a grin he'd managed to put on concernedly fast.
“You cheeky bastard,” he said to Remus, who was furiously changing into a new shirt, “you just wanted her alone, didn't you? Do you really need us to become animagi after all?”
“You're the worst, Potter,” the werewolf glared at him.
“Don't listen to him, Remus,” you grumbled, straightening out your tie as you slipped it on over your shirt, “he's an even bigger idiot than he looks.”
“Are you implying I look stupid?”
“Implying may not be a strong enough word.”
__________________________________________________________
It had taken months of brewing the potion and getting all the necessary preparations in order, but they were finally ready. Remus sat with you in the grass, wand at the ready to undo any untoward transfiguration that happened on accident. Peter, Sirius, and James stood across from you, standing at the edge of a stone ledge about five feet off the ground. You'd said that a leap of faith is what would best trigger their first transformation. They looked nervous, but they were prepared as they'd ever be. Over the last year you had grown considerably closer to the four boys you had miraculously come to know as friends.
“Remember, focus on your emotions,” you said, “you need to pick a strong one, let it fill your body and flow through you. If you block the magic off from any part of your body, it's not going to be pretty.”
“Right, but how do I—”
“James, I swear, I'm really rooting for you to be a mute animal.”
“But how do you choose-”
“Just do it already!”
“Oh, sod it,” James squeezed his eyes shut, not giving himself time to second guess before jumping off the ledge. For a moment he was certain he was about to land face first in the dirt, but then it happened— a moment where time seemed to freeze and his body felt completely weightless. He felt this sensation where his arms and legs vibrated with an intense, foreign energy. Images flashed through his mind in that brief moment in the air; Sirius manically laughing as they ran away from Filch, Remus snapping off a piece of chocolate to offer him after he'd lost Gryffindor a Quidditch match, and, unexpectedly, you. A feeling of warmth spread through his chest, and he grasped onto it, letting it flow through his body like you said. In an instant he felt torso shift, his shoulders narrow, his neck elongate; and when he landed on the ground he still landed face-first as he predicted, but in a completely different form.
He could see you and Lupin in front of him, mouths agape. He was about to say something when he found his vocal chords only allowed him a gruff whine. Shocked, he lifted his head, which felt much heavier than he'd last recalled, and as he looked down at himself he was taken aback to be met with a pair of hooves right beneath him. He staggered to his feet on wobbly legs, of which he now had four. As he tilted his head he could see the shadow of a pair of antlers twisting into brilliant shadows on the grass.
“Potter, you did it!” you exclaimed, “you actually did it!”
“Well how about that,” Remus chuckled, “a stag.”
“It fits him, I think,” you grinned, looking over at Sirius and Peter who looked determined and terrified respectively. “Well go on, it's your turn now!”
Sirius braced himself for the jump, but somehow he found no fear in his system. After seeing James shift in the air right before his eyes, he knew he could do it. He looked over at Peter who was nearly shaking.
“Come on, Peter,” he said, “we'll go together.”
“I-I don't know about this, Sirius,” Peter said, “I'm not ready, I don't think I can do this.”
“It's just a little jump,” Sirius said encouragingly, “you can do this.”
After a few nerve wracking deep breaths Peter gave him the smallest nod one could manage.
“We'll go on three,” Sirius said, “Ready? One—”
“AaHH!”
Sirius shoved Peter off the ledge, knowing he wouldn't jump on his own, before taking the plunge himself. Peter's screams became higher and higher pitched as he shrank at an alarming speed, almost an undetectable size by the time he hit the grass. A small brown rat scurried across the field towards you and Lupin.
The stag in front of you made a sound, dragging his hooves across the grass in what you could imagine as James' unadulterated laughter at his friend.
Sirius began to morph almost as soon as he left the ground, something you were surprised by. He landed on his hind legs, landing gracefully as his front two followed, and a shaggy black dog looked back at you with mischief in its eyes.
You couldn't help but go over and pet him. You laughed as he nudged you with his nose, a resistance that was quickly halted as soon as you started scratching him behind the ears.
“I have to say, I didn't think you would actually manage that on your first try,” you said, secretly prouder than they could have known, “but if anyone could have done it, it's you three stubborn goons.”
James huffed as he saw you continue to pet Sirius, using his antlers to prod the dog out of the way. Sirius barked, lunging at him playfully. It was quite a scene to see the two interact.
“Honestly, this is a pretty solid group,” you said, “you've got James who blends perfectly with the surrounding wildlife so he wouldn't be suspicions, Sirius who could probably do a fair bit of damage as a dog if he needed, and Peter who can fit through small spaces and snoop around the castle virtually undetected.”
“Quite an odd pack,” Remus chuckled.
“Definitely,” you agreed, “but a pack nonetheless.”
And that very week, Remus Lupin was able to spend his first night as a werewolf with his four friends by his side.
__________________________________________________________
“So, how did we choose which animals we turn into?” James had asked you the next day at breakfast, “I specifically tried for a dragon.”
“You don't get to choose,” you rolled your eyes, “You're a stag, that's the end of it. It's pretty much up to chance.”
“I'm sorry, you're telling me I could have turned into a fish and died right there on the ground?!”
“If only,” you sighed dreamily, earning you a playful shove from James. “Alright, it's not completely random, but you're definitely in the unknown the first time you turn,” you went on to explain, “and once you turn for the first time, that's it. That's your animal. A wizard takes on the animagus form of whatever animal most closely resembles their personality. So, a horny bastard for James, a loyal little puppy for Sirius—”
“A bitch for you,” Sirius quipped.
“Never heard that one before,” you scoffed, purposefully messing up his hair.
“Hey, watch it!” he shoved you off him, twisting each of his curls back into form.
“Well, look who's a high maintenance pup,” you chuckled.
Around the same time that year, you finally completed the map. It came together beautifully, each different way of folding the paper revealing a different level of the castle for easy navigation. You'd included the surrounding forests as well as the parts of Hogsmeade that applied for the secret passageways, all of which were marked with symbols and the unique names you'd all come up with. Every student and staff member at Hogwarts had a tiny scroll with their name that appeared in their location. Remus had added the nice detail of including footprints at the last second, so you could see which way they were facing and walking as well. It was fireproof, rip proof, and prone to insulting anyone else who tried to read it. It was the pinnacle of your magical (and slightly illegal) achievement.
“We should write our names on it,” James said, looking down proudly at the finished map, “it belongs to us, after all. We don't want anyone else taking the credit.”
“Yeah, fantastic way to get caught,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “what if Filch comes across it? That's like leaving your signature at a murder scene.”
“You should use code names, then,” you suggested, “I know you guys call Remus 'Moony' as a joke, but I kind of like it.”
The scarred boy blushed lightly at the compliment, a brow raised to his other three friends.
“Alright then, I guess you should all say hi to Rudolph over here,” Sirius said, jutting his thumb in James' direction. The bespectacled boy narrowed his eyes before shooting back.
“Right! And this is my good friend, Snuffles.”
Sirius lunged at him and James swatted him away in laughter.
“Come on, you two,” Remus said, “or we won't put anything down for you at all.”
“I've got an idea for Peter,” you piped in, “When my mom used to garden she said she didn't mind having rats there because their tails resembled worms, which were an old a sign of healthy soil, I know it's odd, but I think Wormtail sounds pretty cool.”
Peter seemed to perk up at your acknowledgment and nodded. It suited him somehow.
“Should we pick animal features too, then?” James mused, “I guess Antlers doesn't really sound that cool. What's another word? Horns? Give me some analogies, guys. What else do they look like?”
“Yours honestly kind of look like a couple of bent forks,” you snickered.
“Prongs?” Sirius snorted, the laughter that followed nearly splitting his sides.
“Oh, go on, what have you got then?” James scoffed.
“I was thinking Padfoot,” Sirius said, “like a dog's paw prints.”
“You know, for someone who was just making fun of code names a second ago you sure have given a lot of thought to yours,” you teased.
“Shove it,” he smirked, “What about you? Can't very well have a second Moony.”
You stared at him in momentary disbelief.
“Me?”
“Well, yeah,” Sirius chuckled.
“We couldn't have done any of this without you,” Remus reminded you with a smile.
“I think you've more than earned an honorary title as one of us,” James said.
“That is, if you want to,” Peter said timidly.
You looked at the four of them, genuinely touched.
“I. . . I don't know what to say,” you smiled.
“You could say 'yes',” James piped up.
“Alright, you loons,” you laughed, “if you leave Severus alone for good, then yes.”
“Hey, I think we've been pretty good about that lately,” James pouted.
“Yes you have,” you admitted, “It's the only reason I bothered to give you the time of day, but this time it's a promise.”
James rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face was undeniable. He'd never admit it out loud, but being friends with you was more fun than messing with Snape ever was.
“Alright, fine. (Y/n) (L/n), I solemnly swear that I will leave tormenting our dear old friend Snivelus behind us forever,” he said dramatically, putting a hand up at his pledge.
“Oh, bother,” you laughed, “the only thing you'll 'solemnly swear' to is that you're up to no good.”
“I'll take that as a compliment.”
“Then that's settled,” Remus smiled, “you'll need a code name too.”
“Let's see,” Sirius hummed in thought, “What other defining features do wolves have besides. . . well, their. . . fangs?”
“They're canines, you numbnut,” you huffed.
“Close enough, I'm writing Fangs.”
“Oi, I didn't agree to that!”
“Too bad, I'm already writing it~”
“Okay, well if that's the stupid name I'm getting saddled with them I'm going to write it myself,” you said stubbornly. You actually didn't mind the name at all.
“Well that's it, then,” James said, “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, and Fangs. We could join the bloody circus.”
“All we need is a group name,” you said, half joking.
“We've already got one,” James said proudly.
“Oh? Let's hear it, then.”
“The Marauders.”
“. . .”
You kept your face straight for exactly three seconds before you burst out laughing. The four boys flushed with embarrassment.
“The Marauders?” you chortled, “what are you, pirates?”
“It's what McGonnagall called us the first time we got ourselves into proper trouble,” James defended himself, his cheeks reddening, “You rowdy mob of marauders, she'd said.”
“Huh,” you chuckled, coming down from your laughing fit, “Well, then I suppose that would make this The Marauders Map. I'll admit, it actually kinda has a ring to it.”
And despite your group's joking quips and bickering, they couldn't agree more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Wait,” Harry said, eyes wide at your story, “So, my dad was an animagus too?”
“Sure was,” you smiled warmly.
“This whole time I thought 'Prongs' was just because his patronus was a stag.”
“Your animagus form is usually the same animal as your patronus,” you explained, “In some very rare cases they can be different, but they work in the same emotionally driven vein of magical ability, so it would make sense that they'd be linked. Your father was extraordinary at both, because as much as he would deny it, he felt everything very deeply.”
Your eyes drifted to the wall opposite you in the living room, and a small but sad smile graced your features.
“Love is often the most powerful emotion a witch or wizard can draw from,” you said softly, “but you already know that.”
Harry followed your gaze over his shoulder. There, posted on the wall among a collage of photographs from the Order was a picture of his mother and father. It was one he'd seen a hundred times, and one he had his own copy of: them in each others' arms in a London park, autumn leaves swirling around them as they danced without any music. Even from this distance he could see the emotion in their eyes as they looked at one another— like they were the only two people in the world.
“Yeah,” Harry said, wiping a stray tear from his eyes, “I do.”
Read chapter 7 here!
Taglist:  @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy @calaryssia @aleksanderwh0r3 @juggysgirlfriend @beautifulsweetschaos @kattirin @mialupin1
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witchmd13 · 3 years
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I’m in a very cheesy romantic mood so hear me out. a merthur the princess switch going like this (you can read it even if you’ve never watch the movie):
Merlin is Stacy, Arthur is Edward, Lancelot is Margret, and Gwen is Kevin.
Because of course Merlin and Gwen are best friends who own a bakery.
Lancelot and Arthur are stuck in an arranged marriage to be. They don’t know each other that well.
Lancelot with his view of duty and all? He’s the perfect Margret who would put his duty above love and everything else. Also Lancelot and Merlin and identity theft Christmas shenanigans? Please?
It can be a modern AU or a canon AU, doesn’t really matter, but it has to be with magic and it’s not banned.
Merlin and Gwen are invited to compete in a baking competition in Camelot. when they get there Merlin meets Lancelot like on merlin bbc (if it’s a modern AU, maybe Lancelot saves Merlin from a speeding truck, lol idk) except Merlin uses his magic and Lancelot sees him.
They get to know each other, and Lancelot tells Merlin how he’s supposed to rule over people he doesn’t even know and how he wishes he can be normal.
Merlin mentions he can switch them into each other’s bodies, or maybe cast a spell that would change their appearance so no one can tell it’s them, or something. They agree that’s exactly what they’re going to do.
Things get on just like the movie, Gwen and Lancelot fall in love in the sweetest most hallmark movie way you can imagine. It’s snowball fights and hot chocolate and late night movie dates and everything.
Arthur and Merlin almost kill each other the first time they talk.
Arthur is an insufferable prat <3 Merlin is a little shit <3 no brain cells in sight <3
Morgan finds everything out the moment Merlin/Lancelot opens his mouth for the first time. Because ofc she does. She is suspicious of Merlin at first then when she sees how good he is for Arthur, she adopts him.
The ball happens. Merlin asks about the charity the ball is for and of course says how charity balls are the worst idea to get people to donate money, “because all the money you’re spending on the damn thing is literally being wasted on a getting a bunch of nobility drunk while what you must get out of it is nothing in comparison?”
Uther is himself and embarrasses Merlin. Morgana is a queen she shuts him right up <3
Merlin, embarrassed, tries to leave and Arthur follows him and some adorable apologizing happens.
Merlin gets asked to play the piano just like Stacy was. Arthur saves him from embarrassing himself when he helps him play. Oh and that little thing with Arthur placing his arm around Merlin on the seat so he can play the keys on his side? And that ending up in him almost hugging Merlin as a result? And Arthur blushing and Merlin giving him a shit eating grin? Please? It’ll kill me?
Adorable shit ensues.
The mistletoe scene because of I’m writing/reading this, if they’re not kissing under a mistletoe with everyone cheering and my idiots blushing, then what’s the whole thing for?
Arthur gives Merlin his mom’s sigil (Edward gives Stacy his grandmother’s crest? Can this get more merthur? I’m dying?)
Merlin and Lancelot’s shenanigans having to end at some point and each go back to their respective lives.
Lancelot tells Arthur everything when he realizes how in love arthur is with him/Merlin.
Merlin and Gwen win the baking competition.
Arthur and Lancelot are supposed to hand out the winners their prizes.
Love confessions happen. Lancelot and Gwen have an official date. Merlin and Arthur are half married. Morgana calls them all idiots. They all live happily ever after.
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alright so I actually didn't want to directly start spamming you with requests but since the thing with lancelot happened, I'll throw all my principles out of the window and beg you to fix my broken heart. just,,, would you care to share some headcanons? any and all? of whatever kind. general, platonic, romantic, detailed or weirdly specific. something soft to carefully glue everything back together that the show shattered :')
Mary, you’re literally always welcome to request something. Even if it says somewhere that my requests are closed, you’re like one of the two people whom I make an exception for lol
Alright, so some of these might actually have been in the show at some point, it’s been a while since I last watched so that definitely could be 😂
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(Here, have a Lancelot gif for the pain <3)
Alright, so right off the bat: you can’t convince me that Gwaine didn’t at least once make out with one of the other knights on like, a drunken dare. Who? Probably an equally drunk Arthur, let’s be real.
Speaking of Arthur, you can bet he dedicated some kind of memorial site in Camelot to Lancelot, and he went to out flowers by it every single year.
And Arthur isn’t the only one, everyone who loved Lancelot does so, but they all work out their own time to visit their friend. They never run into each other, and that’s alright.
That was sad, let’s move on.
So Gwaine is pretty clever when he wants to be, right? And he’s got a good sense of humour too. So I can imagine him playing pranks on everyone. Even on Arthur, who inevitably thinks it’s Merlin. So whenever he shouts for Merlin, Merlin just looks at Gwaine, knowing exactly what the fuck he did bc Gwaine is already laughing, even though he knows Merlin is going to get back at him later.
Morgana had a bit of a crush on Gwen when they first met when she was like, fifteen or sixteen? One of those “oh god you’re so pretty that I kind of forgot how to function just now” things. She only admitted it years later, and they both laughed about it bc at this point neither of them could ever imagine being anything other than each other’s best friend.
And now that I’m talking about Gwen, she and Merlin make a point of meeting every week where they just bitch about the past week. She’s still one of his best friends and I always felt like that wasn’t really shown in the later seasons. Arthur pretends he doesn’t know about those meetings, but he always somehow knows exactly when to dismiss Merlin.
Actually, that’s a pretty good way of describing how Merlin and Arthur’s friendship works. They aren’t very vocal about appreciating each other (unless there’s some kind of life threatening situation at hand) but they show it quietly, preferring actions over words.
Like, if Arthur ever notices Merlin’s shirt is literally getting threadbare (I love Merlin but he sucks at looking out for himself, he literally wears the same two shirts the entire show lol), you can bet Merlin finds a brand new one in his chambers the following day, one of considerably better quality. And Arthur will never admit to being the one who got it for him. The most he’ll say is “nice shirt, glad to see you finally realised that having two different shirts isn’t practical”.
You wouldn’t know it from looking at her, but Gwen is every bit as capable with a sword as her brother, you can fight me on that. She’s definitely kicked Arthur’s ass and he just fell more in love with her as she held a blade to his neck from behind him. If she’d been able to see the lovesick look on his face, she would never had let him forget it.
That’s about all I can come up with right now, but I hope they managed to piece your heart back together a bit <3
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oh oh 💋 what I would v much like to ask is how do you see Arthur and gwens relationship progressing after "Selfish" (which no joke ive read about 15 times now) - like do you think theres any coming back from that for Arthur or do you think there'll always be a part of Gwen that was hurt by him and his behaviour?
Oh boy now I have to think actual thoughts... For you Will I will 😘
I just. By s5 Arthur is not an actual person. He’s been reset so many fucking times beyond the point of any reason, so I honestly don’t know any reasonable way to reconcile with him.
Like s1 him (beloved, actually) understood in ep 3 that not all magic deserved the same treatment. He was capable of that nuance. S2 Arthur is absolutely furious that his father used magic for his own means then turned around and condemned it. He understood that hypocrisy. 
But by s5 he has been written over so many times that though he has no excuse he is just treading water for eternity. God knows how one stands being married to that. So I genuinely don’t know how you would reconcile with him or how he could repent. If he realised how wrong he was why did it take literally five years to realise something he understood at eight years ago, and why is it Gwen’s responsibility to make him realise that? This man deadass ‘rescued’ someone from being burned to death as a very direct consequence of his own laws without a shred of self-awareness. Does he not think of the horrors he permits, just as long as they are out of his sight? This man who really genuinely does love his people so much but has such a humungous blind spot towards so many of them? He just straight up doesn’t make sense past like s3 if I’m being generous but remember that time he held a kid at swordpoint.
Every time I think of an Arthur Pendragon redemption scenario post s3 all I can think of is everyone he cares about ditching him until he comes around. Because why should they humour him and continue their unconditional loyalty when he never thinks to take their feelings into account but insists they tiptoe around his, and makes it quite clear their place in Camelot where everyone they love is is conditional on his feelings towards them because his loyalty is conditional? (case in point: Gwen’s banishment. Arthur sends her out into danger and homelessness away from everything that she knows and loves because it hurt him to look at her, and banned anyone from even mentioning her because he was heartbroken but when Merlin tried to voice his own feelings he got threatened, and the knights straight up asked Gaius to keep any suggestion of Elyan’s dissent from Arthur quite clearly out of fear of what he might do to him) 
A’snd why should they return once they’ve left him? They all love him dearly and once in a blue moon it’s clear why, but it’s just not nearly enough. All his friends who comes from a variety of fucked up childhoods are capable of basic reason and awareness of others feeling (don’t get me wrong no one in this story is simply good they’re all morally complex yes Merlin yes the knights yes even Gwen they’re all still part of this regime aren’t they alas the story relies on it. and besides anything they all have flaws and a lot of them can be complete twats sometimes dkfkgkh) but Arthur is just so goddamn selfish after so many chances I just don’t think he’s forgivable by s5. There’s only so many times he can fuck over the people he loves and get away with it.
And now bestie we shall veer wildly off track See the way I see it there are two realities in Merlin. There’s the reality the show mostly focuses on. The one that Selfish is mostly set in. The fantasy that Gwen and the knights live in, that everyone in Camelot does except Merlin and Gaius and Lancelot do (Lancelot gets a near total free pass on everything. Man did his best and stayed in the system to protect Merlin. You could argue he should’ve dragged Merlin away from all that bullshit but i digress. He’s the exception :)). Where morality comes down to being nice to people and like. Not killing anyone but bad guys. There’s very clearly good guys and bad guys. In the context of that, they’re all great. And that’s why they're so easy to love, because within this system it’s pretty simple: they’re wonderful people. And it’s fun! It’s so nice to write writing this fantasy, where these lovely people really are just lovely people and being a knight is just running around the woods having fun and getting stabbed as the whump requires. (and there’s literally nothing wrong with just writing within this ndsmfkgkflg not every fic has to be a fuckin moral crusade which is exactly why I like it who has the time)
Then there’s the wider context. When you zoom out and really see the whole story. That they all serve and participate in a system that committed a genocide and continues to perpetuate it. The writers try to dodge it as much as possible by just sending them on fun quests but the knights’ principle job is to hunt and arrest enemies of the state. A lot of whom are sorcerers who are tired of being oppressed and demonized as soon as they show anything but total passive acceptance of it. And the sorcerers do not have to have committed a crime to be arrested, as is confirmed in 5x05 where Osgar kills several knights trying to escape being arrested and executed for literally just existing as a known sorcerer. And what does Gwaine call him? A heretic and a murderer. The only way I can find to redeem any of them in canon is have them be part of an oppressed group themselves and just trying to survive like Merlin is. Even them having nothing against magic falls flat because then why then do they stay and do what they do, and with no protest too? They are self-aware! 
Obviously when Gwen was a servant she is not at all complicit she has no power over things and is just tryna like. Live. But she becomes queen. Yes because she loves Arthur but she still does. And she has a say in things and yet them go on the way they are. I get tired of people insisting Gwen is perfect and always completely innocent (you are doing her a disservice!!!!) and has nothing against magic. Like most of the knights her opinions on it are danced around and never really stated (which is ludicrous when this is meant to be the crux of the whole show). There’s no way she would become queen and not try to enact any change in four years if she believed it should happen (unless she was too afraid of what might happen to her if she suggested such a thing which is sadly  possible but opens up a whole other tin of Yikes). When she tells Sefa (her servant who she makes believe she’s going to die and uses her as bait to trap and kill her loved ones, sound familiar? FYRIEN.) that respect must be earned and cannot be bought with blood it is because she can afford that moral high ground. She can afford to preach nonviolence because her very existence is not outlawed. However much struggle she has to face as a servant turned queen and don’t get me wrong that is a very real and pressing thing that is neatly dodged around with the three year time gap, she has other powerful people protecting and backing her up and the option to rise above it and prove them wrong and if it comes to it she has the power to banish them. Magic users do not have that option when they’re being killed on sight and they certainly do not have that kind of power. The only power they do have is their magic used for violence. But as soon as they do they are evil criminals that now deserve to be executed. And as much as I love Gwen’s canon reaction to merlin’s magic I would not be pleased if I realised I’d been contributing to my best friend’s oppression for the last four years. (the magic ban is still largely Arthur’s fault don’t get me wrong. but the others are still complicit.)
It just doesn’t make sense. To establish how wonderful and kind and good these people are and yet not have them raise a single protest at how things are done. Yes they have grown up with the prejudice. Yes some of them have suffered as some consequence of magic. But to have that little nuance when they’ve met and been saved by and helped and protected good kind vulnerable people with or associated with magic who are the furthest thing from dangerous (Mordred, the ghost boy, the druids as a whole) evade the law that they uphold without ever once examining that core belief that magic is pure evil... It makes no sense. And they must believe it, because how else could they stand to remain in that system?
Which is why I dislike the prevailing idea that once Merlin’s magic is revealed everyone immediately comes round to magic because their friend has it. To grasp that a thing people can’t always control if they have or not and can be used to healing and creation is not inherently evil only when it becomes very personal to you is something I would believe only of Arthur.
I love Gwen and the knights more than anyone else on the show and I realised a while ago it’s partly because they commit the least atrocities. They’re usually innocent in any situation. Because they’re normal people with options. Merlin (he’s a complicated case) and Morgana (not defending her, let’s not go there) do not have those options.
Guess who does :)
Arthur fails to be a decent human being on both of these levels of reality. He maintains the oppression of magic users but he is also selfish and ignorant and uncomfortably near abusive at times towards his loved ones. Arthur does not live in the same fantasy that the others do, but he pretends he does. He hides behind it whenever his essentially tyranny is brought up ‘but I’m a good and just king 🥺 I’m not ruthless and irrational like my father 🥺’ and he’s NOT he’s right but his ignorance and selfishness are almost as destructive. He improves throughout the show only at the most shallow level. He stops bullying everyone around him that he has power over and learns a little bit about his own privilege. On the surface he is a much nicer and better person in s5 vs s1 but if you dig even a little bit I would say the opposite is actually true. I would take s1 Arthur who is a total dick but has normal morals and is capable of nuance over s5 Arthur who is so blinded by how far he’s come (as he’s told by all the people who for some reason still coddle him) and is utterly blind to the injustices he perpetuates.
Arthur has the most power of anyone on the show after Uther dies. There’s no possibility of him secretly being ok with magic but keeping his mouth shut out fear of banishment or worse. He knows things the others don’t, he’s been given unique opportunities to understand magic is not evil. Hell, he even understood it at the start. And I know. I know he’s been abused and brainwashed and I know that’s not easy thing to overcome. But the stakes are way too high to hide behind that and not at least try.
So while you can analyse the other characters to some extent as actual people despite the writing not doing them justice at all and maybe find workarounds that don’t make them actually not great people if you sit down and think about it, you just can’t with later seasons Arthur because he’s so badly written he’s straight up impossible.
So 🤣
I don’t know what Gwen will do. Within the confines of the show there’s no way she’d do anything but forgive him. But by that point everything’s overwritten itself so many times there’s no reasonable outcome. this show′s a fuckin mess :)
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siriusmydeer · 3 years
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hello love, i was wondering if you could do a james potter x slythering fem!reader? one where she is working so hard on getting her life together. she is trying to be different than her family and working so hard but it is getting to her. she feels like she is failing and every turn she takes is a dead end. she feels like there is no purpose to what she’s doing. i think some super fluff is required, like james boosting her up and loving her. plzzzzz & thx
his slytherin
james potter x slytherin!fem!reader
summary: when you overwork yourself james is there to save the day.
word count: 2.4k
warnings: mentions of insomnia, mentions of sleep deprivation, mentions of not eating, mentions of over working yourself, angst, sad!james, house stereotypes, bad grades, implications of smut, WOLFSTAR😍, mentions of food, a breakdown, THERES FLUFF I PROMISE
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seventh year was quite literally, a mess. maybe not for others, finally done school or they were super excited to travel around the world seeing things they’ve never seen before. you’re dream had consisted of constant studying, and working that barely made any time for yourself.
for the prior three years you had studied and practiced with madam pomfrey in the healers wing to eventually become a healer yourself, and it took a lot more than you thought it anticipated.
you knew as a healer, later in life you would have to deal with artefact accidents, dementor attacks, creature-induced injuries, magical bugs, potion and plant poisoning, dragon trainers with injuries, and incredulous spell damage.
with that you had to be prepared, which meant more time hitting the books and less time spending your final year at hogwarts with your best friends and your staggering boyfriend.
(hahah u see what i did there?)
james had qued in on your restless nights by gazing across at you in the great hall. the colour of emerald green becoming frequent in his life now; surprisingly to everyone else. where you were sat at the slytherin table, your eyebags already deepening by the day and your nose buried in some sort of school book.
the thought of even being like your family, made you nauseous. you didn’t want to be like your strict, immoral family, the death eaters, the murderers, and the ministry officials. who worked like machines without feelings or care.
as a slytherin born into a pureblood family those were the expectations that were almost nailed into your back like a sign said, ‘here’s the pureblood slytherin, shame her even though you don’t know her!!’
of course those were the stereotypes, ones that had been built on for centuries since salazar slytherin himself. that you of all people had to inherit. so you had to fall, and rebuild yourself entirely for even a chance. the restless nights, insomnia, caffeine and studying was your way of rebuilding.
of course that had an effect on your grades, not sleeping, not eating and barely focusing made your grades tremble a great deal to the point where professor slughorn got concerned by his best potions makers, recent poors in his class.
you were too focused on being better that you couldn’t even focus on your own well-being, that you couldn’t even see you were hurting yourself on the people around you. almost self isolating yourself from everyone entirely.
“darling?” james whispered, his body sitting across from yours at one of the mahogany tables in the library. pince set him a warning glare not to cause any mischief as she turned around.
“hmm?” you mumbled, barely acknowledging his prescence and continuing to read your defence against the dark arts textbook, something about the ‘chameleon ghoul.’
he had barely seen you all week, and when he did he saw your agonized face scrunched up in a book and your mauve dark circles that rested below your eyes clear as day.
“why don’t you take a break, dear? have a rest, you’ve been working non-stop. ve’barely seen you.” he murmured the last bit, embarrassed for feeling ‘needy.’
“can’t jamie, newts are soon i need to be prepared.” you looked up in his direction for a moment, barely catching his saddened eyes through his spectacles at your denial of his request to finally see his girlfriend.
if this were two maybe three years ago, james would not be caught dead having a conversation with a slytherin, let alone a relationship with one. the stereotypes blinding his vision for along time before he could see what was truly in-front of him.
i mean the gryffindor pride genetically ran through his veins as he was born into the etiquette pureblood-gryffindor family himself. it was almost destined for the both of you to be corporeal enemies.
but... something about your altruistic and considerate attributes subtly changed his mind. thanking merlin, and horhace slughorn for pairing the both of you in potions in fourth year. there was always something about the way you were so gentle and benevolent with him in potions class might’ve flipped a switch in his mind.
“right then... see you later?” he muttered disappointed in himself, you work so hard to prove yourself meanwhile he didn’t even have a glare in his way because he was the perfect headboy gryffindor student; with absolutely no judgements thrown his way despite his actions towards others in previous years.
“dunno, i’m studying.” you replied, your voice monotone and dull almost raspy from barely using your voice unless answering questions in class to almost being a know-it-all and pushing yourself to the tops of all your classes.
he got up from his chair, it scraping against the floor as he walked to the exit almost like a dog with its tail between his legs. he just got so mopey by your dejected less merry self. he had to do something, he had to make you understand that being a slytherin wasn’t just you.
it was a part of you sure, but ambitious just meant you strived for your goals and you were cunning which showed your amplified skill.
that didn’t mean you were— evil? being a proud reckless gryffindor was one in his heart but nobody ever thought he was malicious.
so, james fleamont potter did the only logical thing he could think of; going to his bestfriends for help. of course at first they were not over the moon glowing in delight when they found out he was dating a slytherin, especially sirius.
but that was expected, his family being his only views on how a pureblood slytherin acted only projected onto you. giving you almost a conscientious reason to work, the thought of someone james felt was his brother perceiving you as despicable only made you pursue your self judgements.
but after your book swaps with remus, you and peters athrimancy study sessions and music bonding with sirius they grew quite fond of your personality and thought that you were due with a chance with the marauders.
“moony, i need help.” he spoke desperately as remus’ face was also buried in a book, except out of his own free will.
“james needs my help? hear that sirius? prongs needs my help.” he declared proudly as the brown-haired gryffindor groaned crossing his arms.
“it’s y/n.” he mentioned, glancing in sirius’ direction before sitting on the vermillion love seat across from the fawn haired boy.
“what about her?” remus was more-so confused, what would be so wrong with you that james had to ask him for help?
“she’s suffocating herself, the books, the studying, not sleeping, not eating, nothing. i dunno what to do anymore remus, she’s so pent up on wanting people to stop looking at her like she’s heinous she’s working herself to death!” he ranted, all his anger and agitation spilling out in one fast-paced sentence that james needed to catch his breath by the end of.
“i just dunno how to make her catch a breath, take a break. what do i do?” james panted, looking at his mates for an answer.
“imperious curse?” sirius proposed, a bad proposal but his intentions were... thoughtful. “yeah let me go use an unforgivable curse on my girlfriend so she can have a study break. no thank you, next.” james sarcastically humoured him, james didn’t want to compromise your education or use an unforgivable curse on you for that matter but you looked so incredibly burnt out he didn’t know how to help you.
“body-bind curse? so she’s like.... forced to stop?” peter suggested, looking up from his transfiguration essay catching onto the conversation as he twirled his quill between his fingers.
“or, y’know something actually logical you could do is take her books. get her lavender tea or something, let her talk.” remus finally spoke, shrugging then looking at the ‘lord of the flies’ book in his hands a smirk lying on his face knowing that would he james lucky choice.
“moony, you genius! i could kiss you!” james hopped up from his seat, on his way back to the library.
“oi! i’m the only one he’s going to be kissing, prongs!” sirius yelped as james walked out of the portrait hole with a distant chortle.
on his way to the library, where you were previously seated, james made a stop to the kitchen to grab a few of your favourite snacks and some water. he dropped them back at his dormitory, but not without a mini lecture on ‘kissing moony.’ from sirius.
what a drama queen.
the castle was slowly darkening, the only light pivoting from the floating candles in the air. he saw your frozen-like figure in the same spot you were except looking over your history of magic textbook, learning about the ‘emeric the evil.’
“y/n.” he stated firmly, you almost jumped from your seat in surprise, due to your recent sleep deprivation. “merlin james, give a girl a little warning first.” you chastised before returning to your next book that was slammed together right in-front of your eyes.
“james! i was—“ you were cut off quickly by him gathering all of your books and placing them in his left arm. “what are you doing?” you questioned, looking at him with furrowed brows, to exhausted to argue with him.
“you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, your basically a study.... that muggle thing- robot! you’re a study robot! so i’m taking care of you.” he got sidetracked as he spoke in a gentle yet firm tone.
“but i have too-“ you were cut off again by his pointer finger shushing your lips together. “no, either you sit here in silence because i’m taking your books either way or you come with me to my dorm.” james spoke, resisting to your complaints.
“fine, but you have too—“ you started off, annoyed that your study time was ruined by james incessant comments about you ‘overworking yourself.’ he though, was not having any of that. “nope.” he grabbed your hand, dragging you off to the gryffindor tower.
you gave a small tired wave to sirius, peter and remus on the way to the dormitories as they were all either on the floor or splayed across the scarlet-coloured couches. sirius following with a teasing wolf whistle and wink seeing the both of you walking up the stairs.
“don’t do anything i wouldn’t do!” he chuckled, looping his arm over remus’ shoulders.
“ha, bloody, ha, padfoot. so, so funny i’m on the floor laughing.” he teased, sarcasm lacing his words in a monotone voice almost mocking snape.
you playfully rolled your eyes before being dragged up the stairs to the boys dormitory. the only noises heard were the clacks of your shoes and the soft breathing emitting from both you and your boyfriend.
your eyes were met with candies sprawled all over his poorly made bed, one of his quidditch sweatshirts paired with your favourite joggers; the ones he probably stole from your dorm room one night; because he was keen on you just staying there with him and ‘subtly’ moving all your things into his dormitory with the rest of the boys.
you looked at him with an arched brow, a silent question of ‘why are you doing this?’ ignoring your questioning look he sprawled himself on his twin-bed, his hands clasping in his lap waiting for you to change.
you put on the clothes he layed out, feeling james’ left hand tug you onto his chest when you were done. oh his soft, pillowy chest, you almost felt tempted to fall asleep right then and there.
“darling girl, tell me what’s going on?” he softly questioned while stroking your hair with one hand, his other arm stroking your back.
“i just—“ you stuttered, feeling a wave of tears glossing over your eyes. “i feel like everything is going so, so, wrong. m’so afraid of failing, i want to be better! i don’t want to be like m’terrible family, but it all feels like so much!” you mewled into his shirt, his grasp growing a bit tighter in an effort to psychically comfort you.
“baby, you’re nothing like your family, you have to know that?” he directed your vision to his gaze, the soft marks of mascara down your dampened face only made his gaze softer.
“you work so hard on trying to be not like your family, you don’t even know how amazing you truly are. you’re so generous, you’re always willing to help someone even if you don’t like them, i know i wouldn’t have that patience!” he softly chuckled, seeing a faded grin on your lips.
you sniffed as he continued his praise, “you’re such a hard worker, and i’m truly in awe of you. you’re the one person who truly puts her best foot forward and it’s so incredibly amazing, but you’re working so hard your exhausting yourself. y/n, it’s breaking me to see you like that.” you saw small wet streaks around his eyes, not truly realizing your self destructive habits had been harming people around you; had been harming him.
“jamie, i’m— im so sorry!” feeling the wash of emotions suddenly bundled up wash all over you, your nervous system feeling overwhelmed with the emotions of sadness, guilt and anger bubble up all at once. you whimpered into his shirt, spewing out mumbled apologies that were barely coherent due to all the sobs.
“shh- shh, don’t apologize.” he articulated, shifting his hips up and grabbing a folded parchment from his back pocket.
“w—whats that?” you questioned, trying to calm down the mewls and whimpers that wanted to escape your throat.
“this, darling, is a schedule.” he pointed out, a week schedule with times on it that labeled your subjects as well as times of the day. he also dedicated certain parts of every single day with “james!!” in bright red ink.
“so those,” he pointed out, directly at all the times he wrote his name leading up to the newt dates, “are times you and me spend together, no studying, just loving. so i can remind my beautiful, smart, and amazing talented loving girlfriend how astonishing she is.” he said with a grin, proud of himself.
“you really know how to charm a girl, potter.” you may have teased, but without him you don’t know what you would’ve done. james was truly your saviour, your light, stars to your moon; if you will.
he was yours, and you were definitely his. 
taglist: @fathermarty @kittykylax @terr0rizer @aspiringsloth20 @dear-luna @famdomhideout @hufflepogue
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