#just feeling this all the time forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

steamgoat · 2 months

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Just some thoughts…

I want to be better and do things in my life. Lately I’ve been trying hard and so has my partner. To better ourselves in little ways and do the things we’ve been wanting to do. To get better about not putting stuff off and actually being active more, going outside, cleaning more, organizing, etc. I’m trying to work on my dermatillomania, which has gotten out of hand recently. My partner is trying to help keep me accountable. Etc, etc…

But every day I look at what is going on in the world, what atrocities and loss of rights are happening both far away and closer to home, and I feel so exhausted. More than usual from chronic fatigue and pain and mental illness. It’s so hard to go on knowing these things are happening and that there’s very little I can actually do, especially when it’s a struggle just to do my day to day stuff.

I’m trying to keep going and trying to focus on my small day to day things and maybe donate or spread some info here and there but ultimately I feel like I should be doing more. Both for myself and the rest of the world. I’m so privileged to be in the position I’m in now, having a safe home and some degree of financial security despite not currently working, plus a loving partner that supports me in so many ways. There’s been a lot going on in my personal life, with my aging parents, with trying to get my shit together little by little, doctors appointments, etc.

I know I’m supposed to keep going but I’m so tired and sore all the time, and my mental state is different every day. It’s rare to wake up and feel some positivity that is stronger than the sorrow and fatigue… It feels wrong to try not to think about all the bad things in the world bc they are real and happening to others less lucky than I am, and I’m not really sure what the balance should be, of being aware of all the bad but also not getting too overwhelmed with it so I can work on myself and my issues…

It’s just a lot all the time and I want to just escape. I want to be able to help people and animals and I want to want to do things with my life but it’s all so much and it never stops and I don’t know how to feel or what I should do. I want to be able to keep that balance some people seem to have, where they somehow have enough energy and positive mindset to do things… How do I get there??? Is it even a possibility? I’m so tired.

#personal post #just feeling this all the time forever #I swear I’m trying to be better but it’s such a painful and slow process #even without the added knowledge of how bad the world is #how do you stay positive without ignoring everything else in the world??

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lotus-pear · 9 months

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"feels like we could go on for forever this way.." (x)

#wooo new header for me <33 #also back to skk posting i missed them sm #wanted to pratice some scenery and try a new style which simplifies my current one and focuses more on colors and painting #and i'm super happy with how it turned out i think i won #for forever fits skk so well it rly brings back the bittersweet memories of when they were once partners and each others halves #and it just feels reminiscent of days gone by and they were once so close but time and life their own decisions have torn them apart #ben platt's voice is so pretty i love this song sm i heard it for the first time again in years and was slammed by all the emotions😭😭#i was so normal abt deh when it first came out i swear #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

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buggachat · 11 months

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honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.

i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue

#ml fandom salt #I suppose #and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway #and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material #and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to #convince me to care about the leaks #do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general #also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER #would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude?#i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month

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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #wen qing #jiang cheng #Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok #Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text #I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day

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even-disco-baby · 1 year

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THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

#disco elysium #thought cabinet #suicide tw #smth a little different #this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot #but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it #but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it #feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately…#reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about #always and forever

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iknowicanbutwhy · 15 days

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@chipper-smol I couldn't get the thought out of my head of dragon loop flying on unfamiliar wings away from their problems because obviously that's why they have them haha ha ha

#isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #i... i think #loop isat #siffrin isat #art #fanart #kitscribbles #I HAVENT DRAWN DRAGON IN FOREVER im so sorry if i mucked your loop's anatomy fnjdvks #also imagine loop winds up right back at the tree whenever sif loops #its FINE. its WHATEVER. who wants to be up where the stars are anyway hrghrgrgrgr whats even the point #the universe gives you a substitute to take over the responsibility you feel and wings to go take a vacation somewhere else and yet #its like the universe is a sucker for irony or something haha ha #imagine sif doesnt even see loop for so much longer because theyre just out there seeing how much distance they can cover #oh hey is that an island it looks familiar *loops* stardust you LITTLE-#also i drew sif so small to begin with and then realized. little guy isn't little enough because loop is so BIG #^^^ all of this is just me being silly with ideas dont mind me

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wispscribbles · 6 months

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why are you and your drawings so cool 😭🙏

afdsasdfasg thank you !! irl ppl would laugh at me being called cool lol - Have a ghoap as thanks <33

#ask #chloe-is-slightly-epic #ghostsoap #doodle #i'm trying to get better at letting myself be a bit more open online #a bit more uncool if you will #im an anxious perfectionist so a lot of art and posts end up in drafts forever #like this sketch i drew..... 4 months ago #hope you all wont mind if I start posting a bit more #unfinished work like sketches or fic snippets #Im constantly making stuff and writing but I just dont post #womp womp anxiety #so yeah decidedly uncool but im happy you like my art :')#btw if youve ever sent an ask or asked a question that i've never answered... yeah its probably in my drafts because i got stuck on somethi #and then forgor #and now its been so long that it feels weird to reply #sorry!! I super appreciate everyone who take the time to write

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aro-aizawa · 9 months

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i like to think everyone has a colour associated with them, whether its just your fave colour or what you generally wear most of or what colour your bedroom walls are. i always associate the name sophie with dark blue, my mum is always a nice turquoise, i like to think my colour is a bright sunflower yellow.

if you have a specific shade pls tell me i adore when ppl have associated colours and tell me them, bc i think of them when i see that colour

#shut up danni's talking #its one of my ultimate favourite aspects of character designs and i will forever use it w my characters #but i also think abt it w ppl!!!!#its almost certainly spawned from a combo of my mum passionately loving her colour + my primary school #my primary school's name/theme/whatever was related to the rainbow #its common for primary schools in the uk for the uniform to be polo shirts and schools would pick a colour and that was your uniform #but w my school's theme being rainbows they were like lol whatever colour as long as you're in a polo shirt #so kids would choose whichever shirt colour they wanted some kids switched it up every year #others stuck w the colour they chose all 6 years #so of course i would correlate ppl w colours which is how i always relate sophie w dark blue #bc i'd play w this girl called sophie in the afterschool club who always wore dark blue through all the years i knew her #tbh i still think of my brother also as dark blue bc he would wear the same colour #if you could not guess my colour was yellow and i always felt distinctly wrong when i had to wear a different colour #there were a couple times i had to borrow a new shirt bc mine got dirty or all mine hadn't been washed so i had to wear my brother's #i don't know if its just me but i feel like everyone has an affinity with a colour even if its n9t your fave #hence the poll lmao

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knifebaby3000 · 6 months

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eleven years / when the thorn bush turns white, that's when i'll come home

#artists on tumblr #illustration #art #oc #digital art #my art #girl of all time #[ mitski voice ] my baby my baby................#just wanted to do sth for her bday bc i always miss it!!! eleven years to miss sylvie. mom luvs u forever #i've been suffering from major Can't Finish Anything disease so it feels rly good getting this done....................#when i say i did this Super Fast i mean i did this today after work. still took several hours for whatever rzn

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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Shoutout to all the other adults who have acne or any other condition of the skin that you are expected to outgrow or "just deal with."

Adulthood isn't this magical time where everything just disappears, and the reality is that these skin conditions are largely genetic. It isn't your fault (nor your skin's fault) that you are an adult with different skin than other people. In fact, it's neutral (and even, dare I say, good!).

#positivity #body positivity #acne positivity #i have skin redness and acne still and it actually is a neutral thing at worst :3 #in fact it makes me feel better because it gives me the (false) notion that i am genetically more like him than anybody else :)#he has the same unique features i do :)#and it's helped me appreciate body moles and non-ski slope noses and boney features #as much as people like to pretend that body image is shallow (it can be) it's still not a moral failure to be insecure #we live in a society after all and it's inevitable that society's messaging can become like a malevolent growth in your brain #it's okay if you have a hard time with the reality that your features are neutral at WORST. it's hard to swallow that pill sometimes #but no matter what just know that you are lovable and you are loved. as you are too #do what you want forever dear reader #oh hey the 'him' that the tags didn't include is my dad! not some Mystery Guy lmaooo

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samsrosary · 7 months

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you only love me when we're all alone

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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months

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#spheal #i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a #regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum #with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way #this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr #as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites #it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted #i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did #with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my #backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having #any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh #until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can #wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal

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wikiangela · 7 days

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tease tidbit tuesday

it's Tuesday somewhere so starting it off early lol

after 7x09 I had like 4 new ideas (plus maaaany more non-episode related ideas, istg lately there's so many, I don't know what to focus on lol my brain feels loud, and I feel like I'm writing a hundred things at once, I've been a chaotic mess this month istg) but for now im trying to focus on this one fic, and trying to finish whatever this is before the next episode

for now, here's a bit of bucktommy at the medal ceremony after the encounter with gerrard

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He could punch Gerrard in the face. He really wants to, and if it was a couple years ago, he probably would – but he’s at a work event, the guy is a Captain, unfortunately, and Buck just got a medal, he’s not risking his job right now. He’s not the same impulsive kid he was seven years ago. He’s heard enough stories from Chimney and Hen, and recently some vague ones from Tommy, to know that he hates their old Cap. Tommy seems to want to open up to Buck, to let Buck truly know him, but talking about that past, about himself back then, about the whole environment is not easy, and Buck gets that. They have time to get to know each other, neither of them is going anywhere. Buck’s certainly not planning to, and when Tommy says he isn’t, either, Buck finds himself trusting him, which is very new but so exciting.

“It’s- well, it was to be expected.” Tommy shrugs, his face a careful, neutral mask that Buck’s just starting to learn to see past, then sits down when they approach the table, putting his plate down – they’re sharing it with Eddie, Marisol and Christopher, but the three of them are still at the buffet getting food. Buck takes a seat next to him, then scoots his chair closer – close enough that their knees touch, but far enough that they still appear professional. “It just threw me off. Actually, threw me twenty years back for a moment.” he huffs an unamused, bitter laugh.

___

no pressure tags: @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @diazpatcher @monsterrae1 @weewootruck @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @bidisasterevankinard @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @buddieswhvre @fortheloveofbuddie @daffi-990 @hoodie-buck @aroeddiediaz @thewolvesof1998 @exhuastedpigeon @underwaterninja13 @spotsandsocks @hippolotamus @your-catfish-friend @dangerpronebuddie @neverevan @loveyouanyway @tizniz @theotherbuckley @diazsdimples

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genericpuff · 4 months

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vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

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criticalspell · 21 days

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chain of memories

#kingdom hearts #sora #namine #chain of memories #Forcing my gf to play the games with me atm heheheheuheheuehe #we just got past com and AHHHH i forgot that its so dear to me forever and always #namine makes me feel so much all of the time. Shes so bff #sora kh #namine kh

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rebouks · 5 months

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Previous // Next

Oscar: So… [Robin sighed dramatically; he could’ve guessed where this was going even if he wasn’t privy to his father’s thoughts] Oscar: What’re you gonna do, sue me for not believing you? Robin: [snorts] He’s not bothering me, dad. Oscar: So, why don’t you talk to him-.. or anyone else at school for that matter. Robin: People don’t usually care what you’re saying, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk. Oscar: C’mon, not everyone’s like that. Robin: Okay.. but what if they don’t like what you say? Like, I say something and they think – oh, that was weird – and then I’m like, wow I wish I hadn’t said that and it’s super awkward and cringe. [Robin fiddled with his fingers, intent on convincing Oscar that anxiety was the culprit. It was easier than explaining the truth; that he could barely think straight amongst everyone else’s thoughts, that couldn’t be arsed, didn’t see the point, found people boring, yada yada] Oscar: Y’know people don’t usually think that whilst you’re talking, right? It’s mostly in our own heads. Robin: Okay, dad. Oscar: Wow, can’t imagine where you get that sarcasm from… Robin: ‘Course not… They do though-.. think that, y’know. Oscar: I think that’s just the social anxiety talking, spud. Robin: And? Oscar: And, you’ve gotta work on your fear-… Robin: It’s not a fear, it’s a fact. [Oscar rolled his eyes as Robin sloped off; it was like arguing with himself] Oscar: Robin… Robin: See, you didn’t like my response so.. point proven, huh? [Robin hovered by the doorframe, wearing a smirk so similar to his own that Oscar couldn’t help but chuckle fondly] Oscar: Tch, get outta here! Robin: Love you, byeeeee. Oscar: [snort laughs] Love you too, bud.

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #oscar finch #robin finch #ksdjskdj #are we feeling any sympathy toward sid yet mr oscar??#your son snakes his way out of your concerned little talks before u even realised it?? neverrrr.. where'd he get that from #ahahhadskj #😂#it must be so tiresome for robin tho.. wanting to fight off everyone's concern all the time #but at the same time realising it's preferable/easier for ppl to think it's just anxiety ough #he can't just turn around n be like oh i hear/see too much and my brain hurts and most ppl aren't worth talking to anyway so.. ✌#like.. i don't think i'd wanna be around someone too much if i knew they could hear/see/feel everything i did #can't blame the guy for keeping it to himself

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