#but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it

[kiwi-cult]

PARSELSCRIPT!!

Hi. This is mostly for the people from Discord but tadah! I'm finally making that Tumblr post I've been talking about for months.

(Warning this will probably be very chaotic)

To anyone new who sees this: me and some friends made an alphabet for Parseltongue from Harry Potter, aka Parselscript. I'll take you on a little journey to explain my process and give you some tips, should you want to start writing it.

Disclaimer: I wanted to make this script usable for the writer I made it for (Isalise loml) so it's less of an actual language and more just some characters to represent the Latin (or ‘English’) letters. Like a cipher. It is not realistic. If I made this realistic I'd have to add all sorts of things to indicate body language and smell etc and also have to figure out what sounds Parseltongue actually has etcetera etcetera. No.

Alright.

It all started when we started talking about Parselscript in a Discord server and I asked my friend Ava to visualise the script because she seemed to have a clear vision of it, so I could use it to go from there.

That's how we got this.

I think we all wanted to go with something flowery for some reason, so we did.

After this I just messed around with brushes and shapes in Procreate for a while, tweaking things and trying to make it more writeable. I ended up with something like this (still a rough draft).

It may look a bit like random squiggles at first, and it kinda was at this point. As you can see there's also a lot of added dots and lines, which can be a bit hard to remember and I see you wondering what it looks like without them.

Well here it is.

I showed this to the people I brainstormed with in Discord and we decided to go with the more complicated version because it looks better lol.

This is one of the final versions.

It says: "Hello, my name is Kiwi Cult. I made this script after reading a fanfic called Terrible, But Great written by Isalise the loml on Archive Of Our Own."

Now, to talk about some of the (boring) logistics.

It is read from left to right, top to bottom.

Every separate combination of squiggles you see above is a separate word. Every word is made up of a starting character, one or more letter characters and an ending character.

The very first character you see in the top left corner, with the three petal looking thingies, is a silent starting character that indicates the start of a sentence. Not word: sentence. The end of the character, that little circle thingy, is a comma. So, the first combination says: "Hello,".

Then, the second combination starts with a kind of hook going down and right. This is also a silent character and more meant as an interpunction, that's why you don't pronounce it. It's kind of just a way to start the word when there isn't anything special about it (aka it's not the start of a sentence, a name, an exclamation or a question. But every character is special in its own right🥲). The same kind of hook can be found at the bottom of the combination, except going up. It has the same use, basically just a way to end the word when there isn't anything special about it. Now, you might ask: why does it go right and not left?

We talked about this a while, because I wanted the direction to have some kind of meaning. We wondered about gender, tone, blah blah all kinds of complicated things but in the end I just wanted this script to be writable so I chose to have proficient writers in Parseltongue make their hooks go left and beginners have their hooks go right.

Now, you might notice that I end my words with a hook going right. That is because I don't see myself as a pro in writing in Parselscript okay? It's hard!😭💀

Now, other than the character indicating the start of a sentence, the circle, and the simple hook, there are a few other characters to start or end a combination (don't worry I'll show them all to you at the end, you won't have to use your imagination for long).

We have a character to indicate a name. Now, the rule is: name indicator over start of sentence indicator. So, if you start a sentence with a name, you'll use the symbol to indicate a name, NOT BOTH. (That's not even possible but I don't even want to see you try and butcher my child).

There is a character to indicate a sentence that would usually be followed by an exclamation mark (!), but at the start of the sentence. Then you’d end the exclamated sentence with a period.

The same goes for a question mark (?): put it at the start of a question, not the end. Again, it wouldn't even be possible to use it at the end of a combination but I DON'T EVEN WANNA SEE YOU TRY.

Finally we have a period (.), which looks a bit like a flower with four petals. You do use this one at the end of a word, and it is always followed by a start of sentence indicator or a name indicator. I know people are rejecting capitals these days in their typing but I don't wanna see it. If you start a word after a period with a hook I will find you.

So, to put it all next to each other, the symbols we have are: -start of sentence indicator -name indicator -exclamation mark (!) -question mark (?) -period (.) -hook (direction depends on efficiency) -comma (,) (direction depends on efficiency)

I didn't make adjusted characters to indicate a capital letter like we do in the Latin alphabet, meaning that the only things you can kind of 'capitalise' are the start of a sentence and the start of a name.

It is also slightly phonetic. Emphasis on slightly. I made separate characters for almost all characters in the Latin alphabet, so you can just write your word normally with Parselscript characters. The only difference is that I made only one character for the 'f/v' sounds and that there is no 'c' character. If a word has a 'c' in it, you'll have to use the character for a 'k' or an 's'. Also a ‘q’ can be made with ‘k’ and ‘w’ etc.

A few examples: -character=karakter -parselscript=parselskript -crazy=krazy -science=siense

-quiz=kwuiz

I know it looks a bit confusing, but I trust you guys' ability to read context clues and figure out what someone means when you try to decipher Parselscript.

Now, for a word like 'phonetic' or 'decipher' I don't really care whether you use the separate characters for 'p' and 'h' or just the one for the 'f/v' sound. You do you.

I also don’t use any double letters because they basically sound the same and it looks ugly but if you want to use double symbols feel free.

I also made some numbers that do not look like they fit with the rest of the script but I promise you that's just because you're not used to it yet. Our own numbers don't belong with our alphabet either because we nicked them from the Arabs (I think, don't quote me on this) but we don’t notice that either.

Tadah. (Yes I know it’s out of order I told you this was gonna be chaotic af)

Other than that, feel free to ask me questions if I've forgotten anything or if you're wondering about anything. I can't guarantee that I have a good answer because I might not even have thought about it myself, but I can always try to come up with something. I am one person, I'm afraid I haven't been able to take everything about a script into consideration.

Now, without further ado; here is the key.

No, your eyes didn't deceive you: there are two versions. The first has a bit more loose squiggles than the second one. I realised that when I was writing physically, the second version was much nicer to write, so it is kind of like Simplified Parselscript. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna put some lore behind it or not yet. But I included the og one if you're a tryhard and wanna take it on.

Now, if you're gonna start writing it yourself, here is the stroke order.

I tried to make it as clear as possible but please ask me if you're confused on anything.

Red is the starting point of the whole symbol, the arrows indicate the direction to go in, x marks the start of the small extra's.

Now, I'd also recommend writing on some type of paper with vertical lines like this if you're gonna do it physically.

You can just turn a paper with normal, horizontal lines a quarter to get vertical lines. Also, do NOT write in between the lines. They are meant to help you keep the start and ending on the same line so you don't start going into crazy directions while writing. So, start your sentence symbol or hook or whatever in the middle of the line and try to keep coming back to that vertical line after every letter. As you gain more proficiency you'll probably go straight into the next letter without going back to the line all the time but I think this is a good starting point.

I also recommend writing with a fountain pen or something else that flows well because it’s easier to write that way.

Here is another rough draft I made on physical paper to get a feel for it. As you can see this draft had a lot more different starting characters and ending characters so just ignore that. Hope this motivates you a bit or smth.

Lmk if you want me to post a video of me writing in this Parselscript.

Also please let me know if you know of someone else who's also made a Parselscript because I tried to look for it on Tumblr and Twitter etc but I couldn't find anything.

I also feel like there’s a big mistake I made that I realised the last time I worked on this script but I’ve forgotten it now so if you find out please comment or dm or anything💀

Also feel free to use in your own fic, tho a little tiny shoutout in the a/n would be nice :) I’m @/kiwi_cult on Ao3, @/slvtr_ on Wattpad, @/kiwi cult on ff.net, @/slvtr.1 on TikTok and @/.slvtr on Discord.

Credits:

@natis-balamnimaja @asterialvia and @/zee (who unfortunately left the server and I don't know the Tumblr @ of) for brainstorming with me and @isalisewrites for inspiring us and making the server we discussed this in. Check out her profile and her Tomarry time travel fic if you have taste.

Okay bye :) tell me if I forgot anything.

🥝

#fanfiction #isalise #parselscript #parseltongue #hogwarts #harry potter #language stuff #alphabet #script #tom riddle #worldbuilding #ao3

[even-disco-baby]

THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

#disco elysium #thought cabinet #suicide tw #smth a little different #this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot #but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it #but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it #feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately… #reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about #always and forever

[lofeel]

MAY IS THE MONTH OF GROWTH!

#non archive #green #misc #i wanted to get to like 2 or 3 requests today but since my askbox isn't loading i'll just clear out some drafts :(

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

you might have been asked this question before but ive been curious for a while about what would have happened when gertrude was there when jon originally gave his statement? would anything change ?

Honestly she probably would have killed him.

Like, it feels mean to say? It would have been more out of mercy than anything.

If Jon had come to her with only a Leitner, she would have taken care of the Leitner and sent him home. She doesn't normally intervene on behalf of the Statement givers, but they also aren't usually eight, and it isn't unheard of for Gertrude to intervene for the random unlucky souls who cross her path. She intervened on behalf of Jack Barnabas, and she told the monster pig dude how to handle his problem. It's selective when she intervenes, but I think if it's just a little boy scared by a book, she would help.

The thing about Gertrude is that I don’t I think she is or ever has been heartless; I just think she’s brutally practical.

One of the most interesting tidbits about her is that she looked for Eric Delano for months after he went missing, but wasn’t close enough to know that he had quit ages before he actually died. She avenged Sarah’s death by seeking out someone she had never, ever let herself meet before that moment, but she did this right after sacrificing Michael without hesitation. She seemed genuinely fond of Gerry, but she still bound him to a book.

I think that, at the end of the day, it wouldn’t be that she wouldn’t want to save Jon. It would just be that she would realize that she couldn’t.

If he had just arrived with a Guest for Mr. Spider, I think Jon would have walked away remembering her fondly as the brusk but ultimately nice old lady who had her assistant make him a cup of tea and taught him how to burn a Leitner. But he didn’t just come because of A Guest for Mr. Spider. He came because of Tommy Bradstaff.

Gertrude’s shown to be more wary of the Web than pretty much any other entity. She got tricked by them way back when she defeated her first ritual, and I don’t think she forgets. I also don’t think she would have thought it was ever a good idea to voluntarily set herself in a competition with the Mother of Puppets. Jon's eight and scared and she'd want to help him, but she also would have immediately recognized that saving him comes with a very high price tag and a very low chance of success.

I do think Gertrude would have at least tried to think of a way to save him. I just think she would have ultimately come to the conclusion that there wasn’t one.

And it’s just practicality, right? That’s the big difference between her and Jon in nhthcth. It doesn’t matter how badly she wishes she could help; she’ll accept when she can’t. But when she can, she usually racks up a very big win. Jon will wildly intervene without even considering his chances. Like, there's a reason why the Eye led him to Danny Stoker that night--it's not conscious the way humans are or the spiders are, but even pavlov's dogs learned association, and the Eye seems to be capable of that kind of low-level consciousness. When Jon finds Eric Delano's statement in canon, it's because he listened to the tapes the Eye didn't want him to hear. That implies the Eye is at least partially able to make connections based on its own impulses and desires.

Jon's its special little boy who has been resolutely fucking starving himself for almost two decades. He went and joined the eldritch version of AA with Daisy in an attempt not to feed the Eye other than when absolutely strictly necessary, and the Eye's never been happy with his starvation diet. But the one sure-fire way to get Jon to forget his sense and start ripping statements out of avatars is to shove some poor schmuck being eaten in his line of sight.

It’s pretty directly stated in nhthcth that danny isn’t the first victim of another entity he’s tried to snatch, even if he’s never gotten as involved with a pair of victims as the stoker brothers. And honestly—he almost didn’t get super involved with them either. Like, when he was trying to duck out after the initial fight at the theatre, long term involvement would have only made it worse for them. Most of the time, the absolute best chances come from "hope that they've forgotten you existed and won't come back for round two. if that fails maybe just hop continents and it will be too inconvenient for them to track you down again. buy guns." There's a pretty high mortality rate with people who hang around him, and he's not exactly expecting these random male model brothers to manage this world long-term.

If Jon’s hadn’t straight up passed out, he would have called Daisy to come pick him up and bitched to her about fucked up clowns being a problem now. He’d feel vaguely mad at himself when nikola skinned both Danny and Tim, because it’d be just another case of him trying to help and just increasing the body count, which is what happens most of the time.

I think Mike described him like someone who kept putting half dead birds in boxes and feeling disappointed when he opened the lid and saw they’d croaked. It's not unheard of for the people he helps to make it, but it's also not exactly often either. And that’s not even really to say he’s any less powerful or capable than gertrude was—honestly, between him and Daisy? They’re sort of a powerhouse duo. Like, people are afraid of hunters. At one point Dekker says that he was going up against something that would require a hunter to kill, and that while he knew a few, he would never actually risk consulting one. Amateur lobotomy it is. And Daisy is the sort of hunter that can kill other hunters. Jon’s this absolute muppet of a human being rolling up to soul-rending horror like “this is Daisy :) she is my best friend :)” and then they turn around and the Avatar of Fucking Them Up is standing there breathing too heavy and blatantly fucking insane. It’s like if kermit the frog kept bringing the fucking terminator to social events.

And Jon isn’t exactly a slouch either. Like, he’s keeping himself as weak as he can, and he’s still strolling into other entities' domains, feeding on them, and just... walking away again. These are people who are extremely used to being the human equivalent of a great white shark, more powerful and deadly than anyone else in any room they're in, but they've got this extremely distressed looking twink curb stomping them when he has reached the absolute breaking point of his Victorian Fatigue. this man keeps coming into their homes and one-shotting them after weakening himself to the point of being on death's door. jon on his own makes other avatars twitchy, but the Jon and Daisy Buddy Cop is honestly kind of one that the other avatars are somewhat actively afraid of.

Like, they'll dunk on Jon (where daisy can't see), because he's jon and he's ridiculous and pathetic at all times, but people are secretly pretty careful to toe the line of shit jon will put up with. Mike will be smarmy with Jon because he knows Jon will let him get away with it, but he also knows that if he fucks around too hard jon will put him through a psychic paper shredder and daisy will bury his corpse in the woods. It's not a secret that Daisy and Jon are strolling around feeding on and blatantly fucking murdering things like them, but none of these self-serving assholes have managed to handle a pretty active threat to their longevity. that's more because they can't than because they won't.

And still, Gertrude is pretty universally regarded as a force of nature, but Jon's still getting told that a seven percent success rate is a bit generous.

Gertrude is Gertrude Robinson, and she's the baddest bitch around, and that has a huge bit to do with her success rate. But it would be a mistake to say that the number of battles she picked didn't have something to do with why she's more successful. Like--Gertrude's going for quantity over sentiment. She'll save the world, but the individual people in it? Those aren't the fights she has ever prioritized, at the end of the day.

Almost all of the statements Jon in canon recorded were from her tenure, and Jon's follow ups usually concluded with "and then they horribly died." Gertrude was casually eating a fucking sandwich in her office and watching while Jane Prentiss decided that she couldn't be saved and went off to cram her forearm in a spooky wasp nest. She didn't help Jane. She didn't explain what was happening. She didn't try to intervene. She ate her sandwich, and she let Jane leave, and I think that at least in part she would have agreed with Jane's assessment. There wasn't any saving her, and that's a judgment that always precludes Gertrude's help.

Gertrude wins as often as she does because she picks her battles carefully. She delivers maximum damage to maximum effect, and she doesn't spin her wheels on things she knows are a waste of resources. She came right on the heels of an archivist who died because he burned through his resources and his luck, and her tenure has been marked by her being smart enough to be cautious.

I think Jon would have given her his statement. I think she would have been nice to him. I think she would have allowed herself to feel sorry for him, and sorry that he was so young, and sorry that it was too late.

I think that she would have considered what the web could have planned for him, and she would have considered how painful a fate was waiting for him if he met the End the Spider probably had planned for him. And I think she would have decided it would be crueler to let him meet it.

Gertrude in nhthcth specifically has always had a weird, twisted mercy when it came to Jon. She never manipulated him, is the thing. Elias made sure that what he did to Jon had long past the point of no return by the time Gertrude ever caught wind of his existence. As far as she was ever concerned, Jon was beyond saving from the day they met, which meant there was no point in trying. She was never going to offer him the mercy of trying to help him.

But she could have played him and she didn't. And I think that's about the most merciful action that Gertrude Robinson would have been capable of.

She knows about Agnes, okay? better than anyone. she's been bodily hauling the world as they know it through a decade of apocalypse attempts. She took one look at Jon and realized that elias had made him to wear the watcher's crown, but also that she couldn't kill him without completely alienating her resources to stop much sooner apocalypses.

But she sort of knew from the day they met that she may have to one day kill him, if only to stop him from wearing the crown. It wasn't set in stone, but it was a very significant possibility.

In chapter 24, Jon reached out to gertrude for absolutely any comfort possible, and she actually could have given it to him. She could have strung him along with false hope, or just given him a shoulder to cry on. Someone other than elias to love.

And she would have done that knowing that she was actively planning how to kill him when the time came. And she's definitely not above that kind of manipulation. Jon's extremely vulnerable when he comes to her, and he already thinks of her as a source of hope. Stringing him along and being his only source of comfort and support would give her an enormous advantage over him that she normally wouldn't ignore. But if he did die by her hands one day, as she knows he probably will, he'd finally go to his end after a very painful life being murdered by the only person that he thought loved him after he lost Gerry. Gertrude sort of uncharacteristically gave up that advantage to spare him from that final betrayal. She'd never sacrifice the world for him, she could have loved him like her own son and she would still kill him without hesitation, and she won't lie to herself about that fact either. It's a weird, twisted act of mercy to have it be turning the cold shoulder to a little boy begging for help, but in her mind, it was the most merciful option open to her.

And I kind of like the idea of Jonathan Sims in nhthcth always demanding the most painful acts of mercy of Gertrude that she's ever contemplated. Because the thing is, if she had been the one to take his Statement that day, she's almost definitely would have decided that Jon couldn't be saved. Not when the thing after him was the Web. And once she decides that, she has two options: let him meet the End waiting outside of those doors, or handle it herself.

And the thing is, her MO is to go for the former. It's not like she's mercy killing everyone who shows up and tells her of the fate worse than death that's most likely to befall them--hell, to take the risk of mercy killing is borderline out of character to her. If it were anyone else, she wouldn't have done it.

But Jon was eight. He was begging her for help that she couldn't give. And the Web has never been merciful. Either it was lying about wanting him for itself and he was going to be killed in the most slow, horrifying way possible, or it wasn't and he wasn't even going to get the mercy of death. Like, if a horrible, tragic fate is inevitable for him, Gertrude has to at least contemplate if there's an option that's more merciful than the rest.

Even giving him a less painful death is dangerous for Gertrude, but I think that's more of a price she'd be willing to contemplate. Like, killing another entity's victim is another way of snatching a meal from them. She had to at least entertain the risk that the Web would have some kind of retribution for it. But she would also entertain the fact that Jon's only sitting in the Archives because the Web let him get that far, that it wanted him to give its Statement to her, and ultimately decide that the risk is one she's willing to shoulder.

I think she would have made sure it didn't hurt. I think she would have made it quick, and made sure he didn't know it was happening. but I don't think she would have ever saved Jon the way he wanted to be saved.

If I’m being extremely generous (and self indulgent) and trying to come up with a world where she would go on a crusade to save him, and probably assuming some kind of off screen character arc that’s completely made her change her entire approach to life, I think she’d bring him to Agnes Montague.

If Jon could ever have a chance way back when he was eight, I think it would have been Agnes. Agnes is the direct opposite of the Web. She's the demigod messiah of the entity of Fucking Up All Your Life Plans. In canon, she's the one that Gertrude went to when she did need to go after the Web. If she had decided to try for him and needed to come up with an option to save him, she'd go to Agnes.

That being said, getting to that decision is just still really unlikely. For all of the above reasons and because of the difficulties Agnes poses. Even if they're in like, lesbian soul love, they've never met in person, and she doesn't really know if Agnes will help. It may attract the Lightless Flame's attention, and Jon may just end up burnt to death instead of filled with spiders. A lot of ways it could go wrong and give Jon a worse fate. It's the sort of Hail Mary play Gertrude never really did.

That line is in the summary because I thought it said everything about what the reader needed to know for Jon in nhthcth. (Also, I just thought it sounded nice.)

Jon in nhthcth is sort of defined by the fact that he has never gotten past who he was in the moment that James Wright locked him in Gertrude's office. It's one of the two cornerstones of everything he became.

The other cornerstone, of course, is Gerry.

Jon has spent his entire life trying to figure out a way that he could have been anything but what he is. It's been a decade and change, but he's never, ever been able to let go of what happened to him. And that feels at least a little off.

Maybe it's the idea that time heals all wounds, maybe it's the idea that Stockholm Syndrome should have kicked in eventually, maybe it's the evil god eating parts of his personality, maybe it's the idea that it's probably exhausting to eternally be struggling against a fate that you met when you were fucking eight. Even if he never becomes okay with what happened to him, he probably should have at least accepted it and moved on to some measure. Like, this has been his reality for almost his entire life. No matter how terrible it was, people usually adapt and acclimate to what happens to him.

One of the core traits of Jon in nhthcth was always supposed to be that Jon just didn't for some reason.

Like, Jon has not even passed the threshold of accepting what happened to him. It's all these years later, and he's desperately replaying what happened and trying to come up with the version that has him going home at the end. Even if you don't accept your current situation, you probably should have stopped trying to figure out what you could have done differently when you were eight, no matter how terrible what happened is.

At the end of the day, even with all he knows, Jon just has never understood why he couldn't have been saved.

He knows there's no Light Side at the end of the day. This isn't some big battle of Good Against Evil--it's just a series of Bad inconveniencing Other Bad because what Other Bad wants is not in the interest of what Bad wants. There's no ancient secret order battling the dark--there's just a lot of people stopping each other from ending the world because they want to be the ones to do it, and also like, Gertrude Robinson and her good-time buddy That One Random Priest. If you're looking for someone to save you in the TMA world, there just isn't really anyone.

And that's part of why Jon goes in after Danny Stoker. It's part of why he keeps undertaking the world's most half-assed rescue attempts. Trying to save Danny when his entire life has indicated that's impossible and probably going to make things worse is a deeply irrational thing to do. He probably should have learned when to walk away by now.

But a part of him is still eight, and a part of him has spent his entire life going over the worst thing that ever happened to him and trying to figure out the way to make it different.

It takes a specific sort of person to keep undertaking herculean efforts in a desperate, wild attempt to save people that he knows are as good as dead. And I think that sort of person once was someone who was as good as dead. He saves Danny Stoker because a part of him is still desperately trying to find the person who could have done the same for him.

In the end, he became the thing he once needed most in the world, which was a chance. I don't think he's realized that fact. And I don't know if he'd find it comforting if he did.

The other thing about that sentence is that it's completely and utterly pointless.

Like. It's been eighteen fucking years. At a certain point, you have to decide it doesn't matter anymore, and clinging to the question of whether someone could have saved you just doesn't help anything. But one of the other core traits of Jon in nhthcth was that he was someone who just simply did not care if what he was doing was practical or had any chances of succeeding.

He's designed to be so stubborn in it that it's almost ridiculous, and more than a little comical but it's honestly borderline sad to me. Here Jon is, making it his life's fucking mission to hold the title of World's Shittiest Employee. He is going to make his hostage situation inconvenient for everyone. He's not doing fucking paperwork; he's only here because elias kidnapped him. He can't get away, but he's going to be the absolute most unmanageable nightmare alive.

It does absolutely nothing to help him.

He doesn't think anyone in the Institute is ever going to help him. He doesn't think he's going to force Elias's hand into letting him go by racking up the most HR complaints in Institute history. It doesn't actually help him in any way to do the vast majority of what he does--it actively hurts him, actually. There's no one in the Institute who wants to help him, because they see him as a nuisance. When he causes Elias too much trouble, Elias punishes him for it. It'd be better from a consequentialist perspective to have settled into some kind of facade of normalcy, but he hasn't. Because playing along, going along with the facade as an Institute employee--he'd have to at least implicitly admit that what happened to him isn't relevant anymore. Sure, Elias kidnapped him and fed him to an ancient, primordial hunger from the dawn of civilization, but by god, he has his monthly staff meeting to get to, and that's too important to make a fuss about the first thing.

It's kind of sad, because while the Institute didn't know the entire picture, nineteen-year old Martin almost immediately said "wow, that blatantly unstable child sure does act like he's being severely abused." Elias had to feed him a story about an entirely different abuser to dodge the world's most needed CPS visit, and Martin still almost turned around and reported Elias literally the same afternoon. Yeah, Elias had a story for the institute to explain jon's Everything, but they really didn't have to buy it.

Like, willful ignorance absolutely played a role in it. Part of it was Elias was their boss and nobody wanted to be the one to accuse him of child abuse. It was easier to accept his lies at face value and not stick their neck out for him. Part of it was just that Jon's never been a very likable victim for them. He wasn't some tearful damsel they could swoop in and save--he smoked too much and was angry and loud about it. And once they made that initial decision to ignore their misgivings, the chances of anyone breaking that pattern got extremely low. No one wants to admit to themselves that they ignored a little kid in an extremely abusive household just because his abuser was their boss and they didn't like the kid all that much. Martin kind of hit Jon like a grenade when he first joined up and actually gave a shit if he was okay.

Of course, this all means that Jon's spent the past decade or so being told by everyone who could see him hurting that his upset at the soul-crushing pain he was in was inconvenient to them and it's rude of him to be so loud about it, could he do that somewhere else, because it really doesn't matter. and he's still there saying "it does matter. it matters to me."

Just--doing pointless things because if he doesn't then they stop mattering and they have to matter somehow defines so much of what he does.

When he was a little boy, Gerry told him that the clothes you wore were meant to be things that make you feel like you, that were who you were or wanted to be, and Jon decided that the parts of him that he loved were made up of other people. It's been fourteen years since he told him that, and out of all the people he's tried to make himself with, Daisy is the only one he still has in his life. He wears the secondhand clothes of people who he lost without anyone else caring to preserve a self that people are actively trying to kill. The fact that he feels more like him when he wears Gerry's coat only matters to the extent that he lets it. He makes pointless interventions on behalf of people he knows he probably can't save, because if he doesn't, then he fact that they needed help to begin with didn't matter. It only mattered whether they could have been saved; needing to be saved doesn't factor in.

I basically wanted him to be the opposite of Basira. Basira was the world's most polite hostage in Season 3. Martin had to actually ask her if she was aware she was in a hostage situation. Her entire thing was that there was no point in getting upset at something you couldn't change--you either got on as best you could or you found a way to change it anyway. That's the exact opposite to nhthcth Jon's approach to life--the Web even pokes fun at him for it in chapter 9. A spider's prey thrashes itself to death trying to get out of its web. Jon's just--flailing like a fly struggling against a web. Gertrude always conserved her resources and energy for where it would matter most, but he exhausts himself on things he knows wouldn't succeed. It doesn't make any practical sense, but there's something viscerally human about it still.

And the last thing that sentence tells you about Jon is that he is someone who has to believe in the lightning strike.

The thing is? Jon knows about pretty much everything this post discussed. No one really knew Gertrude, but if there was someone who did, it was him. He's been hanging around her since he was a little kid. It's been stated that she personally tried to teach him to some degree, though, and we've seen that she's stated to his face that she would not have tried to save him if she had been the one to take his statement. She never really represented a chance at things having gone differently to begin with.

But he still thinks of her specifically when he tries to find the version of himself that isn't this. Because even if she was never really a chance, she was still the biggest chance he had.

Jon was eight. He knew jack all when this started, and he was going up against the most dangerous entity there was. He was never going to come up with a place to go to that wasn't the Magnus Institute, and he was never going to outsmart the Web on his own. Gertrude Robinson was the only one who he ever had a snowball's chance of crossing paths with who wasn't like, actively evil.

There's basically nil chance of her having had some kind of midlife crisis right before he showed up and deciding that this is the one she must save and damn the consequences. There's an even smaller chance of her actually pulling it off and saving him from the Web. But that was the biggest chance he had, and he can't help but cling to it.

Sometimes, you have to beat the odds. Sometimes, lightning strikes.

If you believe in the idea of the multiverse, and that everything that can happen will happen, there is a Jon out there in some far-off universe who walked into the Magnus Institute and met Gertrude Robinson instead of James Wright. There is a Gertrude Robinson who, against all odds, decided that Jon was worth the costs of saving him, who fought tooth and nail to save him and won. It's a fairytale he tells himself, but the idea of someone kind enough to put him in a car so they could drive all about, go on adventures, and find places with rain was also a fairytale he once heard, and it still happened. Gerry was his lightning strike.

And that's really the crux of it. In order for Jon to have loved Gerry the way he did, he had to be someone who would bank everything on odds that were a lot smaller than being struck by lightning. Jon needs to be the type of person who will believe in chances that barely exist, because if he doesn't, he could have never made he decisions he had to make to stay by Gerry's side.

Gerry Keay was not Gertrude Robinson, and he definitely was not anywhere near her caliber when he was the little boy who tried to take Jon and run. They live in a world that tears into your soul, that Marks you in a way that cannot be removed and that never, ever lets you go. It's monsters eating other monsters, and they were both very small and very damned from the get-out. The chances of Jon Sims and Gerry Keay saving each other were always so much smaller than the chances of Gertrude Robinson saving him, and he knew it. If he couldn't believe that there was at least a chance that Gertrude would have saved him, then he couldn't believe that he and Gerry ever had a chance of finding their way home.

We still don't know where Gerry is in 2013, why he isn't there, but we know that Daisy saw him with Jon in 2011, kicking each other under the table for making ill-timed jokes to a monster who wanted to kill them. They first ran in 1999. That's twelve years of betting everything on odds south of a lightning strike. It takes specific kinds of people to do that. It takes people who will take the worst odds possible because they're the only ones they have.

There's no power of love or friendship or hope in that universe, but I think Jon and Gerry wanted to believe that they could love each other to the point of survival. They were looking at a world where, in the whole span of human history, love had not made a lick of difference to the things they faced, and they were asking to be the exception. Wondering if Gertrude Robinson would have saved him... it's hardly the most improbable thing Jon's ever let himself believe.

#nhthcth #tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #gertrude robinson #gerry keay #the continuing adventures of me answering asks after my adhd meds have worn off #babygirl i will answer questions no one even asked #me answering asks when unmedicated is just me reaching the end and realizing i went off on every tangent known to man #i will forge bold new paths into terrains no one ever fucking asked about #i already typed it it's too late now here have my info dump #i want you all to know that there's a half answered ask in my drafts and i found a way to have tangents about death note the iconic anime #and plato's republic the classic of greek philosophical thought #did the ask have absolutely anything to do with either of those things #no #i'm like this in real life too you could not plot a conversation with me on a map

[livwritesstuff]

.

#y'all if you see me slowly start adding all my dad-verse drabbles to ao3...no you don't #I had a dream a few nights ago in which tumblr completely shut down and......my google doc has very few final drafts #would like an archival record even just for me #also - if anybody knows how back-dating works pls lmk #there's over 100 of these and I really don't want to flood the steddie tag that many times 😅

[grimalkinmessor]

LITERALLY BEGGING AO3 TO SEND UNPOSTED DRAFTS TO YOU IN AN EMAIL WHEN THEY DELETE THEM LIKE THEY DO FOR FULL FICS THIS IS THE FOURTEENTH TIME I'VE LOST A GOOD CHUNK OF WRITING PROGRESS BECAUSE I MISSED THE CUT OFF FOR DELETION 😭😭😭😭

#ao3 #archive of our own #THE FIRST CHAPTER WAS ALMOST DONE AND IVE LOST HALF OF IT #im usually good about getting to them on time and reuploading them but sometimes im busy and i miss it #i dONT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN EVERY TIME I MISS IT #LIKE THEY USED TO GIVE YOU THE TIME IT WOULD BE DELETED AND I COULD SET ALARMS #BUT THEY DON'T DO THAT NOW SO LIKE WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO #'but grim why dont you just write it somewhere else first-' BECAUSE I NEED TO SEE HOW IT'S GOING TO BE FORMATTED ONCE I POST IT JANICE #plus seeing it in Fic Format helps with my motivation to write #hence why only HALF the chapter is gone instead of the FULL chapter bc i started the fic in docs #god just please #please #im begging #send me my drafts when you delete them its a gut punch every time #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #grim rants

[zakizendetandi]

me reading a book in bed: okay i’m tired now, time to put the book away

me, immediately after: pulls out ao3

#I drafted this not queued it????????????? #i guess the tumblr entity wanted this to be posted #okey #kinda weird #almost a jumpscare to see this on my dash but we move #tag time #original post #ao3 #archive of our own #archive of my own #OO I LIKE THAT TAG #ao3 culture #fanfic culture #fanfic #fan fic #fanfics #fan fics #fanficion #fan fiction #fanfictions #fan fictions #fics #fic #reading culture

[renegadeontherunn]

hi! this is my small, gentle reminder that you don’t have to be like other people. I know the best parts of other people are beautiful and exciting and just so cool, but you don’t need to be everything. it’s okay not to be as good at watercolor as your sister or not give good advice like your mom does and it’s okay to love qualities in other people. sometimes other people’s words or their idiosyncrasies or the way they part their hair is so wonderful that you want to join, you want to feel the way about yourself, about the not-as-great parts of yourself that you do about the best parts of them. and it’s okay if you start listening to The Killers because it’s your brother’s favorite band or if you decide you want to get red converse like the ones your best friend has. but it’s okay if you can’t “keep up” with their grades or will never be able to do eyeliner as well as they can or maybe it seems like they just love life more than you do. I just want you to know that there are unattainable parts of you too. you can like things about other people that you don’t have, and you don’t have to give a compliment thinking god I wish I was like that. you don’t have to be like that. it’s okay to just be the things you are. you don’t have to be everything. 

#found this in my drafts from a couple years ago & thought it was still pretty relevant haha #this isn't at anyone other than myself but #sometimes i look at the people i love and think !!!!! this part about them is so wonderful!!!!! #i want to be wonderful in the same way!!!! because i love it in them and so i want to love it in me too #but you can't have every quality and you can't be good at everything #it's okay to be what you already are #not to say that you can't try to emulate your role models don't take pieces of your loved ones for yourself #we are collages of every person we've ever loved ever known #but you don't have to #you don't have to take everything you don't have to be everything #you don't have to be like someone you love #someone you know is loveable #to be loveable too. #you can. i started listening to the magnus archives because of my friends and i like to try my hand at aus i loved reading #and those things bring me a lot of joy!!! and i love them!! #but sometimes it can turn into. why isn't this as good as theirs why can't i look like them or have as cool clothes as them or whatever #'i'm so sick of myself / rather be rather be / anyone anyone else' #'i know their beauty's not my lack / i know their win is not my loss' #maybe this is a very selfish mindset. it feels like it and ha #i wish i wasn't as selfish a friend as my friends are #do you see how this works #hm. this probably doesn't make much sense. #i just. you don't have to be everything #you are already the things you are and that's already enough #fiona speaks #i just think comparison #comparison and shame are at the root of so many of our problems. they are one of the greatest enemies to us #take pieces but. ha a uquiz told me once that your fuel does not have to be shame #idk just. yeah. what other people have is not your lack #idk

[throttlegainwell]

I know it can be frustrating to find fics that occupy the center of the "what I'm interested in" and "what I'm willing to read" Venn diagram, and I enjoy a good relatable fanfic meme as much as the next guy, but I do wish there was less emphasis on having to wade through "bad" fics to get to what you want. People who are insecure about their writing but just want to have fun in fandom see those posts, too. And the people writing fics that you may consider too amateurish, poorly written, or weirdly formatted to read are real people, and they're a part of fandom. Many of them want to learn how to write; many will improve over time, with concerted effort or just through regular practice. For some, that's just how they write. And that's fine.

Like, I get it. I do. I'm not saying you have to engage with writers whose work you don't enjoy/want to read or that it's wrong to be frustrated or picky. And the nature of tumblr is such that you can say something on your private blog without meaning for it to blow up and spread outside your circle of friends. Just... I dunno, I feel like it doesn't hurt to be reminded sometimes that writing is a skill, people are at different experience levels (and different technical levels within that! you can be great at one aspect of writing and not great at another), and there's no fandom bar to entry.

#fandom #i don't even mean the 13-year-olds #(though yes i do mean them too) #i think a 50-year-old who's never written a day in their life but just can't stop thinking about the movie they watched last weekend #and bangs out a draft that looks like an inexperienced writer wrote it #has just as much place in fandom as someone who's a published author in their RL #and so does someone who's been writing for a while but their style is on the simpler side or whose work hasn't changed much #and i may not necessarily want to read what they write but i do want them to continue writing if they want to #and i want them to share their excitement and their work and their love for the story if that's something they'd like to do #i think there's something to be said here for the commodification of fandom #in the sense that works are treated as 'content' and creators not seen as people #but i also came up in the age of the spork #and when fic archives were separate they were typically curated for quality (though that's fair because it was someone's personal project) #so no it's not a recent thing fandom has always kind of been this way #anyway my point is just be kind

[oatbugs]

shaking of leaves by into it over it is genuinely one of the top songs of all time

#the sun is setting later which is a shock because i was too bruised up to celebrate the winter solstice this year #i got lasik surgery just to start a staring contest with the sun. two of my names mispronounced in a row by the butchers. i can still see #arithmetic as construction in space and geometry as construction in time. follow two parallel lines until they meet. #piazza stairs in the sun drinking aloe lychee juice watching young and beautiful people talk about money. notice the small fine lines #forming at the corners of their lips between their brows the sides of their eyes. what is representable for you is necessarily what there #is. subjective necessity transfer to objective necessity. why is this compelling? why are you compelling? would you like to kiss #by the river? would you like to walk 30 minutes to broadway so we can kiss by the river? ar 3³ #ive learned a lot about turner's watercolours but i havent said enough about the ways neurons dance together. about the way all of it is a #process without emotion and how that makes it beautiful. chipped nailpolish on his nails and dark circles under his eyes and a smile that #says i have learned to study the nature of the mind and how intuitions form reality and i no longer want to die. instead of taking #that horrible fall he reads kant to himself and he reads her to sleep and he reads my horrible jokes. #dont think like a psychologist and dont write like a philosopher. dont do maths like a physicist. #ironically read the science of logic. ironically a caffeine adict. ironically drink steriliser for its 74% alcohol solution. #ironically a 1:1 student. there are birds hanging in the archives. orions belt over the red glow of a very normal house. #each time i walk home the stars are brighter. i hope you are brighter too. i hope i am brighter too. i am going to win #that staring contest with the sun. #[i drafted this post on jan30 and forgot abt it]

[dandelion-wings]

Thinking about going back through my 'fic bits' tag and moving some of them onto AO3, and there's a part of me that wants to do a full sweep just for archival purposes (because, listen, Tumblr is going to go away someday and we all know it), but while some need only minimal editing and some just need expansion, some of them are... not at all in the shape of what I would consider a 'story,' or would need so much context to get there that I might as well just write the longfic I was deliberately doing a short on Tumblr to avoid writing out. XD;; Not to mention the ones that have just been made so totally not-canon-compliant by new canon released since that I'd feel weird putting them up on AO3 now!

#i've identified some specific ones that i want to clean up and put up #once i've finished the first draft of the brightcrown canyon fic #and i think i'll stick with those for now #maybe someday i'll come back later and go through the tag again for more #or maybe someday i'll actually archive this blog onto dreamwidth like i keep telling myself i'll do #...just like i keep telling myself i'm going to do the big tagging revamp. hahaha #fic nattering #of a sort

[asterz-playz-official]

(Another part: here, Have some more angst!)

AIGHT… SO.

Jon DID get out of the mirror maze, and that’s actually how Jergen found Michael. Jon basically told him that Michael was still in the tunnels, Jergen was honestly shocked to hear that the guy was still alive, and went off to find him, instructing Jon to stay put.

So he got to see Michael’s body slowly shifting back into its normal-looking state as the creature rushed towards him, distracted by its apparent victory.

It had resisted somewhat, but Leitner had caught it off-guard, and so it went much easier than he had anticipated.

Michael’s expression was… impassive. And he seemed to look past the old man’s eyes, towards a place Leitner could not see.

Michael didn’t want to shake his hand.

[continued below…]

It was no longer just the texture that bothered him. It was also the looks in people’s eyes as they felt his hand grip theirs. They way they shuddered and let go, and stared at him with an expression of poorly-veiled disgust. And fear.

He didn’t want to talk, either, but he knew the man was expecting him to. So without a word, he walked away, not able to gather up enough energy to explain his exit.

Jon was in the room at the top of the ladder. He asked Michael if he was alright, and if he’d seen Leitner.

Michael didn’t like the way he asked the question, and Jon saw this. He said he was sorry.

Michael told him only that an old man had saved his life.

He did not say why this had been necessary.

There would have been too much to say.

The old man came back. He asked questions. Not like how Jon did, but Michael still could not answer.

There was a story.

The archivist did not listen, but he knew it.

Jon was afraid, so he left to go get a cigarette.

Cigarettes are not allowed.

The old man turned his old eyes to Michael, and Michael stared back until the old man looked away and said that his face was making his head hurt.

Michael was glad.

It was a bitter, angry sort of “glad”. It hurt. But the piercing pain of guilt made it only feel better.

He did not want to care what the old man would think.

And then the man asked a question, and Michael laughed because he hated the man for asking it. For telling him something he didn’t want to know.

“Did you know… Gertrude would oftentimes talk about you?”

No. He didn’t.

He did not want to know.

He was not going to know anything more. He was leaving the room.

“She said she’d been sorry for you. You were her worst regret- the fact that she had not-“

The wall shimmered behind the old man, and Michael turned and stared at him.

Jergen’s face crumpled sorrowfully, and Michael wanted to- to… to something.

Punch him. Twist him, perhaps, into unidentifiable shapes so that he could have something to feel so sorry for, to feel so much regret about.

He was tired. Of people lying. And pretending. And smiling with their painted little placid faces. Telling him that everything was going to be just fine.

Gertrude had lied like that. Hadn’t she.

Hadn’t she done everything she needed to do- so she could shove him into the door and lock it and be done. Done with him.

Oh, he was sure she had felt some regret.

Surely, she had failed.

…his resolve crumbled. His legs gave out beneath him.

He was crying, and the stupid old man was still staring at him, like he was some fascinating creature he could pick up and examine and put in a box and give a name and show off to the world, triumphant in his new discovery.

“She… never wanted you to know, she thought you would-”

The room shimmered.

Michael felt his head pounding as the walls twisted, distorting around them, reaching towards the old man.

And the man is afraid, but he still knows.

“Michael-“

“LEAVE.”

The pressure in his head built, and burst with a spiraling cascade of shattering mirrors, throwing the man out into the space beyond his knowing, beyond anything he could see, or touch, or hurt… or discover.

It was only when he heard the man’s screams begin unraveling and distorting that he understood what he’d just done.

Michael wasn’t there when Jon came back.

Jergen Leitner was. At least, the part of him that Jon could see.

But his mind… and every bit of knowledge within it… is gone.

Shattered.

Like the pieces of broken glass that lie in a spiraling halo around his head.

——————

Supplemental:

Why didn’t Leitner shut the fuck up??? Probably because he doesn’t know how to recognize when someone’s trying really fucking hard not to have an emotional meltdown.

Or when he’s saying stuff that really isn’t helping the situation.

Although I guess he just… had really bad timing and assumed that Michael still didn’t actually know what Gertrude had been planning on doing to him.

Or… something.

As for Leitner still being there… Michael stopped twisting the room when he snapped out of it.

But it was too late.

So he just… left.

And something I just realized…

What is it that mirrors reflect and bend? :)

#the magnus archives #tma #michael shelley #michael tma #tma au #tma unwinding au #unwinding au #jurgen leitner #tma Leitner #jonathan sims #tma jon #tw violent thoughts #????? #idk #tma spoilers #the Magnus archives fic #draft #guhhhh i feel like I didn’t describe Michael’s breaking moment right but it’s fine cause it’s a draft I want to fix it but it’s f I n e

[eldritch-nightmare]

haven't heard from you in a few days. hoping you're doing well and are having a restful weekend!

fhdjskgfds omg yeah im sorry for the radio silence!! i've been. okay?? i think?? idk. i just spent like 2 hours today downloading mods for stardew valley so. yeah. i hope you're having a good and restful weekend as well!!

#anon #archived mind of v: thoughts and opinions. #i've also been like #Trying to hype myself up to post that cody prompt #but it feels so weird posting it considering it's been like 10 days since valentines day #obvi the bo nd artist prompts r gonna stay the same just no longer like #valentines based. #but cody's is already finished so it Is valentines based and #it feels so silly posting it so late but i also dont want to keep it in my drafts bc #it would b even sillier if i did that so #idk. maybe tomorrow.

[katierosefun]

character development is really going from getting lost in writing stories for other people to writing stories that you know that no one but yourself and maybe the same five people are going to like i think, i think that’s character development for me

#caroline talks #i've said this at least three or four times in the last year #but i can feel myself thinking it again #i think i used to get really nervous about writing for any fandom outside star wars #because i felt like star wars was what i felt most comfortable with #but 2022 has really been the year of me writing for fandoms that are either incredibly small or very sleepy these days #so like. beyond evil has been a constant #star trek creeping in and the one (1) my mister fic #i have another my mister fic in my drafts + some other mckirk fics + ofc so many beyond evil fics #(i have at least a good handful of multichapter ones i really want to post although since fake married au is still in the works) #(i am trying. to pace myself) #and also i think i have an i am the night fic in the works #do i care that there are literally only 15 works in that archive? maybe #but not as nearly as much as i used to when i was 20 years old #and i think that's very important when it comes to writing #and it's also made my attitude towards even my original writing that much healthier i think #like. 'mm. no one might care. but i care. and i think that should be enough reason for me to write' and etc etc #ANYWAYS . .. back to my law school work

[defiledtomb]

Hey, would it be possible to add the update date to the topic title of your story on COG? Makes it easier to see when a topic is suddenly seeing activity because the demo's been updated or because people just decided to talk about what's already there and that way you don't get excited and then disappointed, you know? Really love your story so far and can't wait (but no rush) to read more!

Hi anon! I'm so happy you are enjoying Ouroboros :] I was actually debating this when I released the patch, and I decided against putting [updated] in my title just because I didn't want to disappoint anyone who was hoping for new content beyond the arrival to Riven. I will absolutely put the updated date when the next chunk of story comes out (and I'm genuinely looking forward to putting that in the title ksjdhfskldhjf), but I won't go in and change it now, as it would prolly just be confusing for everyone involved. Hope you understand!<3

#ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #Man. I can't wait to update the forum post. The update is already looking chonky at 30k+ words #and thats first draft+ without proper transitions so it is just growing #in time I will present this feast to you I just gotta whip it into shape and feel proud of it (which Im not currently. we are enemies) #some days I want to punt it into the sun #but that's just part of the process tbh #today is one of those days lmao. I moved a Lot of writing to the archive because im so cross with it #It's also why I keep wordcounts on the down low. First draft is like tetris #pff. Oh well you didn't ask for this rant did ya. Oups. Bye!

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

HEY DO YALL THINK THE "/CHRONO" URL SUFFIX THING WOULD WORK FOR MY DRAFTS??????????

#timboblr #mine #ok listen. like. i have this problem right. i have like almost 30k drafts or sth. PROBLEM IS. like at least 20k drafts ago theres this one #post w a link to a website with NATURALLY COLORED COTTON YARN AND F.IBERS!!!!!! so like!!! for YEARS its been my dream to get some of that #green cotton. because!!!! every time you wash it the color becomes more pronounced bc!!!! the cotton IS FROM A GREEN COTTON PLANT BREED!!!! #literally so cool!!! they also had a bunch of brown and orange shades but its been my dream for YEARS to get some of their green stuff to #k.nit a tshirt with! and i also finally have a s.pinning wheel so i could buy their f.ibers as well!!!!! ANYWAY so my problem is ive looked #EVERYWHERE. google. duckduckgo. my chrome history. cleaned out my samsung browser tabs on my old phones (yes Plural) to see if it was there #AND I JUST CANT FIND IT!!!!! but im like 90% sure i saved that post as a draft!!! except.... that was like 5 yrs ago yanno..... #like at this point i suspect theyre just out of business or sth??? but i want some cotton like that SO! BAD!!!! i even looked at ravelry #for undyed colored cotton f.ibers/yarns and stuff like. i want this so bad!!! worst case scenario find the link on web archive yanno??? T_T #OOOO I HAVENT TRIED ASKING PPL IN THE RAVELRY FORUMS YET THO 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 okay that will be plan J then. anyway back to plan F #but yea basically if the chrono thing works on drafts that would save me like 20+k posts to wade thru!!!!