#joking abt suicide when you have been suicidal is one thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cashmere-caveman · 18 days

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read a post about there being next to no record abt the historic edward little again (we dont even know what he looked like!!!) and now im thinking a lot about how he died in uniform again.

hes far from the only character to die in uniform (the marines die in uniform! franklin dies in uniform!) and he isn't even the only lieutenant to do so (gore, under his slops, was in uniform; fairholme, too presumably; irving famously wore his coat that hickey steals later; george wore something that used to be his uniform when he got eaten but imo atp he did not wear it as A Uniform anymore that were just the clothes that he had on if that makes sense) but at the end, he is the only one where i still felt that it was an active choice to wear it.

almost everyone else sheds their layers along the way or turns into something else, but ned starts in uniform and he stays in uniform and that's it.

fitzjames famously sheds his vanity and dies in his shirtsleeves, without any of the pomp and pizzazz of his uniform.

jopson, another character who is to me really connected with a certain mindset of holding up appearances, dies in his shirtsleeves, believing himself abandoned by the very person that was his reason to even wear a uniform at all.

goodsir as a doctor/assistant surgeon doesn't really have a uniform in quite the same sense as many others but when he dresses himself before his suicide it is not as an affirmation of his role, or at least not a positive one. he has sworn to do no harm, but he was forced to do it anyway and now he will add a final evil to his toll of sins in the hopes to balance the scales at least somewhat and for that to work, he must wear his outfit as always. he ends up with all pretenses stripped bare anyway.

tozer, a man so proud of his uniform in the beginning, again, dies in his shirtsleeves, no rank left, betrayed by someone who had convinced him to give up everything and yet! reduced to nothing but an ordinary man, he tries again where before he had given up. he cooperates, he coordinates, he even calls crozier captain again, he tries very hard to do the right thing in what looks like a no win scenario from the get go!! and he fails, of course, but he tried.

almost everyone else also ends up either dressed down (bridgens, armitage, dundy, des voeux etc) or somehow transformed (blanky, to some extend silna with her patched and bloody furs) or in hickeys case, both (iconic underwear & greatcoat combo). little never changes. he sometimes has a little scarf, theres the bandage for his headwound for a bit, he sometimes wears the full parade uniform with epaulettes and sometimes just the regular one, there are at least two different uniform hats and ofc you can tell that he loses weight by the way his shape chages under all that wool but he is always. in. uniform.

and maybe this is just my mind making up dots to connect but i think he might even be the last character that crozier ever gives an order to in his official function as a captain (in the tuunbaq seduction/boss fight scene he has been stripped of his rank, at least according to e.c.).

before his final scene, all we get is little arguing over the orders they are given, and how to interpret them. and he is still wearing his uniform!!! wait hold on im not gonna check but maybe he might only wear a jumper in the tent where dundy lauches his soft mutiny actually, so maybe this whole post is crumbling like a domino line but!!! ignoring this. moving on. (even if it is a jumper i remember him wearing sth dark blue aka Uniform Colour so im claiming it doesnt even matter bc spiritually that hypothetical jumper still is a uniform. im not going to let anything like "accuracy" and "real details" fuck up my post smh 🙄. im joking. however! Moving On as i said) (edit: i rewatched the scene and it IS his uniform actually, just v rumpled. going insane btw)

he doesnt even dress up for carnivale! the only other characters that are not in costume are jopson and crozier and they were literally too busy keeping crozier from dying to even begin thinking about joining the communal arts and crafts session! little is atp the acting no2 of the expedition so u might say he was busy but fitzjames has the overall command and still finds time to have a little gender moment in private and the imperialism-approved version of it for the Big Crowd!! (u could ofc argue that fitzy Always has time for a gender moment and who would i be to argue but my point is: i have no doubt that man was fucking busy preparing carnivale & beginning to prepare the walkout and there still was time to Express Some Character!! so how come ned didn't do anything?)

the one other scene we get where we can catch a small glimpse of characters out of their element before it all unravels (pre tuunbaq attack on the camp) is the scene at night when morfin gets shot. it shows lots of characters in various states of undress (silna big blanket burrito i love you) that allows us to see them differently, like their costumes at carnivale did, but in an entirely opposite direction. while carnivale was about putting on masks, this scene is about taking them off. and it drives me insane because i know that little must be there. he is somewhere in the crowd when morfin gets shot but so far i havent been able to make him out and i need to know what he is wearing so bad. it is actually for science (my own curiosity) ! i really need to know. and i cant help but feel that maybe it is intentional that he is just ~somewhere~ instead of In Front of the Fucking Camera because, well. that would be just ned little, wouldnt it? and we dont even know who that is.

#edward little #the terror #can u tell i got my brain fried by working on our research project paper all day until we finally turned it in at midnight #we met at 12 and didnt leave the library until it closed and then we went home to one of the members and continued working there #and now i am still sitting in the hallway from when i came in through the door even thought its past 3am bc im just so done #nothing left. no energy no braincells no filter. which is why u get this unstructured wordvomit #and i try to find the strength to get up from the floor so i dont fall asleep here. okay goodnight #cavetext

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crushthecore · 16 days

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MINOR BTW

Hey so I impulsively decided to make this blog for the purpose of making friends and uhh idk where to start do I just put my interests out there and people pop out of nowhere,^^`π¢√|ππ`°€°€ Anyways soo at the time it's 2am, so bare with me, sorry if some things are grammatically wrong or/and don't make sense, I know all of this has a bunch of errors. Kinda rushed through this all..:D

Uhh

Here's an interest board🙏 this contains like the music I like, movies, and stuff,,,tbh I have some shit in here that I haven't watched cuz of my lazy ass but I really want to, does it count😞 i am interested in it

If I'm being honest some of these aren't really my current interests, or I'm just rusty in my knowledge abt em, but I haven't been interested in some things for awhile so it would be boring if I had only a few things in there soo (I barely do anything with my life but sleep. I don't even watch shows anymore, ikik boring I'm trying to convince my mom to buy me the CSM manga at the moment though. I'll have something to yap abt, maybe.🙏🙏)

EDIT: looking back at this I forgot to include some other stuff that I'm also interested in but I forgot abt it at the time of making this... anywho I'll make an updated interest post or something if I'm motivated enough 2 do it

!! Some extra stuff that may be useful to know, to you knowww know what you're getting into. 🤔:3

Ahem ahem, I have social anxiety which means I most likely won't text you first unless I really really force myself too or/and I really like you and think you are very cool. So if u wanna be friends with me, using the anon question option thingy would be a nice first step. :D

I get attached extremely fast uhhh🤔🤔yea, oh and I'm extremely clingy so if someone texting you every 30 minutes (or minute, jkjk) sounds like a no go, than I'm not a good fit to be your friend.^_^ BUT. I also have my times where I feel like talking to no one so uhhhsidnjddj. I have no life so that's what probably contributes to me being attached to someone, maybe, probably...😇 (dumbass)

MY TIME ZONE: PDT (Pacific Daylight Time)

BEWAREE⚠️I sometimes joke around meanly so let me know if that ain't your thing, also I SOMETIMES get a little tooooo sentimental so I should probably stop playing around like that but I'll let you know if you passed a limit. Also I don't think I joke around very mean, but just to be safe. Please don't let this be a turn off. 🙏 Some examples of the jokes I may make are like "kys" and uhm yea. My minds kinda blank right now I'm getting a little tired, but my jokes consist of suicide, bombing places I don't like(school) and some other ones.So idk if it's heavilyyy offensive humor but some people don't take a liking to it so I thgouht it would be imporant to add

I feel like writing down a whole DNI list is gonna be uhh time consuming, will it take a long timr??? Some that I can name on the top of my head rn are proshippers, homophobes, and transphobes. But anyways I'll just block you if you're weird weird (in a bad way) so like age regrresors, (SFW) furries, witches, emos, oher co ol people i hsve forggteten, PLEAESRETEGD let me be ur friend 😞

I'm 14 btw,, the age range I'm aiming to become friends with is 13-16

Idk if I'd be down to be friends with people younger than 13 or older than 16, we'll see. 🤷🤷 But 13-16 people PLEASEEe INTERACT.

I'm not even kidding I'm so desperate for social interaction blehdhdhhd, I hate being an introverted socially anxious loser🤬🤬/hj :3 but please guys🙏🙏 I will worship the ground you walk on I need some friends

ONE. LASTM THING. When I talk to someone new I usually talk, uhh, formally??? Kind of, I get anxious talking to others so I'm so sorry if I seem uptight💔 I swear I'll warm up after some time, the more consistent the interactions, the faster I get used to you and warm up^^

I feel like I'm forgetting to write something else uhh, I'll update if anything important comes to my mind later, maybe (sorry for the messy formatting btw I lost all my progress when I was trying to make it pretty so I just gave up)

Well this is going to be embarrassing if this doesn't have any results errmmfjfjfjjffi I had been contemplating on doing this for awhile, praying to God at least one person reaches out 🙏🙏

I don't even believe in that mf ☹️

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE /ref

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inkstainedhandswithrings · 1 year

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S2 Ep14 of TBB Thoughts!!

oh frick, oh darn, oh heck

HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER HOWZER

I need to stop eating breakfast while I watch these eps, eventually im gonna gasp so hard I'll choke on some food (this is based on me almost choking on my food when HOWZER showed up)

So I knew Echo'd be in this one, but I was actually also a 100% Rex would be there too, so I was a little bummed about that? like why would they release Rex's poster now if he isn't gonna be in the ep? and like ik this is a show about the batch, so they wanna show off Echo and I love that for him bc I love Echo but like,,, Rex🥺 yanno?

that being said, Echo and his team infiltrating that ship, fcking GREGOR?? amazing, loving that shit, eating it up

another suicide? this is getting intense. like this season has given us deeply seeded political issues about clone rights, depictions of blood, brainwashing and two suicides?? like??? things are heating up, the writers are getting more real and I actually kinda,,, love that even though its intense

CROSS MY BOY🥺🥺🥺🥺

clone sipping coffee :)

ye :)

me @ howzer:

he knows someone, eh? THAT'LL BE MY MANS TECH :DDDD

ofc he snatched the gun, you rlly coulda seen that one coming dipstick

it struck me as really odd that Crosshair didn't shoot the female doctor. like the rest of the batch and most of the clones use stun guns ALL THE TIME whereas Crosshair has always shot to kill. again, "severe and unyielding", meaning he takes intense action, committing all the way all the while being so stubborn he hardly ever backs down. honestly, him sparing her is some serious character development. he recognised she was being kind to him and he decided that that was enough reason not to hurt her. either that, or he wanted to abuse her kindness later on

he never wanted to get out, he just wanted to warn his brothers, which is AGAIN SO DIFFERENT from the Cross we've gotten to know in these last two seasons. I actually don't think that's growth anymore. that's Crosshair standing by a choice that he knew was bad for far too long (SEVERE. AND. UNYIELDING.) and now finally admitting he was wrong and going back to what he always wanted and always knew to be right.

ALSO I JUST WITNESSED CROSSHAIR MISS A SHOT TWICE LIKE WTH??? THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

partially rebuilt Pabu :)))

Hunter being questioned abt being more than just a soldier lol

like sir, the answer is "I am dad, actually."

TECH AND OMEGA FLYING TOGETHER

CACKLING

HE ADJUSTED HIS GOGGLES TWICE IN LIKE 3 MINUTES

HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS FEARING FOR HIS LIVE I AM DYING WITH LAUGHTER FCK

"Up. Up! Up, Omega, pull up!" <- im sorry but Tech's always been just,,, so cool in stressful situations, like almost dying, no biggie. falling out of the sky in a storage box and having a heavy object crush your leg, naaahh we got this. fcking staring a Zillo Beast dead in the eye as it growls at you, easy as pie. omega's flying? panic

"The Tech-Turn? really?" "Now that is not what it is called, but I rather like it. I suggest you proceed before I come to my sen-- AAAAAHHHH."

D Y I N G

did Echo only race Omega to torture Tech? yes, why do you ask?

okay listen I love him, but without his kama Echo looks half naked

TECH FCKING STUMBLING OUT THE SHIP I CAN'T

HUGGIES!!!! ECHO AND OMEGA HUGGIES!! :DDDDD

hmmm the summit huh??? interesting

Tech sounded so worried when he called Hunter over??? waaaaaahhh

Hemlock? more like Hemcock (yes I've been waiting a while to make that joke leave me alone)

YES CROSS IS WARNING YOU. NO HUNTER YOU CAN TRUST HIM GO AFTER HIM GO FIND YOUR BROTHER HE NEEDS YOUR HELP GODDAMN WAAAAAAAAAAAHGGH

Crosshair being offered his freedom and just stubbornly staring back? Severe and unyielding hero edition. I love him, Hunter go get him pls he needs you.

help why did this one feel so short

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tianhai03 · 10 months

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What's the worst take you've seen somebody make about Dante and Leon?

oh boy. i saw this ask at work but i waited until i got home to answer it let's see how long this answer is (will be putting it under a cut because its going to be Very Long)

for dante. the worst take ive seen of him is definitely "he's not depressed because he doesnt look depressed". thats just. a really fucking bad take. because youre implying that people have to be openly gloomy and sad and suicidal or whatever to be considered depressed. if you just cared about dante and looked closer at the things he does you'll very quickly realize that dante is not well. and that's fine! hes been through a lot of things! everyone has flaws! hes trying his best to be better and i appreciate him!! you should too instead of expecting him to be upbeat and energetic all the time!!! i dont even know how people have this take.

another one for him that i really dont like is. people thinking he's always broke bc he wastes his money on buying alcohol, pizza and strawberry sundaes. that is just factually wrong. in the dmc1 novel, he works with a guy named grue who had 3 daughters. a bunch of stuff happens, and grue and his oldest daughter ends up getting killed, and dante feels responsible for it. because of that, every time he gets paid from any job, he takes the bare minimum amount of money he needs to keep things running for himself(like paying rent and stuff) and he donates the rest to grue's two surviving daughters. THAT'S the reason why he never has any money, because despite grue and his daughter's deaths happening like over 20 years ago now, he STILL feels guilty abt it even though it wasnt really his fault. so ppl joking abt him being broke is kinda.. yknow.

anyways onto leon! im tired of people either treating him like a uwu submissive bottom twink who's very dumb and innocent or a dom daddy who spits in your mouth and calls you a slut. we've had so many games and external media like the movies STARRING LEON AS THE MAIN CHARACTER WHERE WE GET TO SEE HIM SO MUCH AND YET. PEOPLE KEEP MISCHARACTERIZING HIM. leon cant even be fucking considered a twink i dont know why people keep calling him that. i know this is like a very different kind of take compared to the prev two i talked abt for dante but this is the number 1 thing that always annoys me when i see ppl talk abt leon. PLEASE stop watching the tiktoks ppl are making of him and assume you know how he is just from that im on my knees begging

i think people just need to actually put the time and effort into learning about a character before they say shit and act like theyre 100% right abt a character. most of the bad takes abt them couldve just. never been a thing if ppl actually Looked at their personality and actions closer. idk

#allyanswers #Anonymous #ask #im not putting their tags here i dont want to attract the wrong crowd

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 6 months

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cw / ed

it’s just hard for me to genuinely believe u care as much as u say when u keep making “jokes” even after ive explained to u so many times how much it hurts me OVER and OVER when i HATE opening up to ppl so even setting tht boundary was hard asf!!!😭😭😭 u know how hard i worked to get in recovery and how it’s been even harder to actually STAY there. u know all the stories abt how my disorder tore my relationship w my family and my old friends about. yet u constantly say triggering shit ON A LOOP EVERY DAY with no fucking warning. bc i had the audacity to be vulnerable for once in my fucking life and open up to u abt my insecurities? then u say my trust issues in general are unfounded and “crazy” when U PERPETUATE THEM. just say u liked me better when i was sicker at this point instead of beating around the bush. for fucks sake

and these r supposed to be my ppl, the closest friends i’ve ever had in my life yet they constantly make me so uncomfortable with the things they say abt my habits and the tidbits they know abt my struggles w mental health. they’re so so great otherwise but then there’s this and no matter how much i explain it they never stop? it hurts so much. and it comes in sprees too; where they just basically bully me constantly for a week and i hav no idea where it came from or how to stop it. i don’t want to let a few idiotic comments interfere wifh all the progress i’ve made but fuck. i decide to treat myself w a lil dessert and there’s a comment. i walk outside in literally any outfit and it’s “oh u better lay off the [whatever food they saw me eating recently] or that’s not gonna fit anymore lol!” i genuinely. don’t understand. iv explained to them hey im in recovery from anorexia after multiple years of struggling w it, ik it’s just jokes to u guys but it really hurts me. nope nothing. the running gag in the friend group is basically that im fat and ugly. that’s their favorite bit nd when they remember how funny it is Oh am i in for a long couple of weeks.

and idk maybe they dont mean it. maybe they rly just think it’s funny; maybe they think there’s nothing wrong w my body so commenting on it is a funny joke bc of the contrast but idrc honestly. one of them even HAS body dysmorphia (and knows i do too!) and STILL does it. like shouldn’t you understand how fucking DAMAGING tht is? its all so hurtful to me in so many ways nd i can’t stop thinking about it. they know i struggle w sh and suicidal thoughts too yet keep this up. like shouldn’t u know that’s gonna make it worse??? i don’t rly have any interest in seeing them if this keeps up. i don’t wanna eat around them or even exist around them if they keep doing this. i feel rly sick. i don’t want to think this is genuinely how my best friends feel abt me and they think it’s ok but. :( i can’t help it. i rly don’t know what to think

#.vent #cw ed #cw ed mention #tw ed #tw ed mention #cw sh mention #cw sh #tw sh mention #tw sh #long

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bluelockednyx · 10 months

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Hey!! I loved your Rinsagi metas and posts. FINALLY someone in the fandom who doesn't infantilize Isagi and sees canon him. Yes Isagi is nice but not like.. nanase level friendly and nice. He's polite but a lil withdrawn and appreciates people's talents but absolutely will not let anyone walk over him. Also,exactly what u said, sadist Dom. Yes please.

And Rin, so many people reduce him to this one-dimensional character who's issues people treat like a joke. When that's not the case? Bachira at least knows his prblms, Rin has no idea at all. Like how horrible does your repression and mental state have to be that the guy that is literally suicidal tells you that you're in a worse place than him. Rin gives off high key depressed vibes.

It's a lot like Post WC kunigami which draws...interesting parallels esp when you look at pre WC kunigami and at how Rin seems a lot happier before the fight. I saw someone make that comparison.

What do you think? How do you think Rin would've been like if Sae had actually bothered explaining instead of what we got?

Also, any opinions on the Itoshi parents? We've only seen half their faces and nothing from them abt their kids's relationship. I mean, it kinda bothers me how we've seen the views of Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri, even Hiori's parents when he's not a main character, Yet we got no input from the Itoshis. Do they just not notice? Are they a bit neglectful esp since they let a 13 yr old Sae go to another country alone? Do they let their kids do whatever they want including fighting for a year? Who knows? I'll love to know your thoughts tho.

Again, thank you for the lovely metas which made me feel a little less alone in the fandom. Have a great day :)

Isagi stans, please rise up and help characterise him properly lmao

Stupid long response under the cut, as always.

Rant about my issues with the general fandom characterisation about Isagi. Sorry anon if this isn't what you wanted, I have a lot of Thoughts and Salt where Isagi is concerned, and I am Fandom Old who is growing incredibly sad with how divisive current fandom is over a whole host of things. Skip to Itoshi if you don't wanna read about Isagi + fandom musings. Skip to parents if you wanna read about my thoughts on the family dynamics.

Isagi is, for better or worse, the stock shonen MC. He's enough of a regular guy for the target readers, which are teenage boys, to identify with. As he's the MC, the story overall serves to validate and support him, so long as he fits the themes the author is working on, which for Blue Lock, is the concept of being the best at what you're doing, while also bringing out the best in others, and then working together successfully to achieve goals (i.e. the World Cup).

But, Kaneshiro-sensei's also a strategic writer. Isagi, because he's such a bland self-insert for the most part, combined with how he has a very weird form of Power of Heart, has wound up being an especially attractive character for those who like harem, or reverse-harem series. Which then, for better or worse, brings all the fujoshi fangirls around (the curse of so many attractive characters). But most especially the fujoshi fangirls who are a fan of all x MC ships. I am emphasizing all x MC here, because east Asian/gen Asian fandom, have grown incredibly restrictive and rigid about top x bottom dynamics, which is a whole host of other things and issues to talk about.

Look up any popular shonen jump title, you'll find that these shippers generally have the same tastes, and move around the same fandom circles. You'll usually find them shipping all x MC ships, from Izuku to Tanjirou to Yuuji to Naruto etc. Overall, how they characterise them never deviates all that much. It's the nice, 'innocent', naive, guy who is a bit of a pushover, and who has all the other hot characters wanting to get in their pants. That's where Isagi falls into as well, for these shippers. The more thorny and less 'nice guy' parts of his characterisation gets sanded down, though YMMV whether this is a skill issue by fandom or simply a cultural readership interpretation difference altogether.

On the Itoshi bros:

Yep, Rin has a lot of repression issues. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Rin has no idea at all about his issues (how else would he pick out Bachira's loneliness so quickly lol, also there's some hints from official guidebook), but he definitely lacks self-awareness. I also agree that he and Nagi seem to be on different areas at the spectrum of depression (Nagi being apathetic, Rin being hostile).

If there's anything to parallel Rin and Kunigami, I'd say that it's the 'loss of a dream' and 'loss of companions'. In the manga proper, Rin does seem happier before the fight with Sae, like how Kunigami looked happier pre-WC. However, the light novel shows that Rin was already repressing both himself and his style of football to imitate Sae long before then due to external pressures by his teammates and coach, and even more severely than Isagi, who also didn't have much of a relationship with his own teammates from Ichinan.

If Sae had tried to explain more than that one line about 'the world being vast', they wouldn't have such a strained relationship right now, honestly. While I don't think that Rin would have fully understood what Sae was trying to say because he lacked the experience and perspective, I do think he would have been more supportive, which would have been better overall, for the both of them. They were both idiots that night, lmao, though I do view Sae as having been punished by the narrative when he pushed his dream onto Rin.

About the Itoshi parents:

We know that Rin and Sae presumably used to share a room and a double bed as kids (albeit a fairly spacious one, from the looks of it), which makes me think that they're more likely to be middle class than upper class. Young Rin also accompanied Sae to his soccer practice games, rather than going off for other classes like say, art, which implies that his parents might not have been able to afford it. Sae also walked home with Rin, which further implies that they're parents are busy, though its more of a norm in JP. Possibly a double income household, to fund Sae, and later, Rin's coaching fees and time with the youth football squad. Also a household that seems to have no qualms about Sae, and later, Rin's rudeness and hostility, although they may tone it down around their parents. Sae must have picked his attitude up from somewhere.

I'm reluctant to call the Itoshi parents sending Sae to Madrid at 13 as intentionally neglectful, because there are cultural nuances there. I think the best parallel I can draw is parents from less-developed nations sending their children overseas from an early age to secure eventual permanent residency and establish a life in a more developed nation. Sometimes, home just isn’t good enough. And this is one of Blue Lock’s main story themes: that Japan’s football, as it is, isn’t good enough. They have neither the organizational structure, infrastructure, nor support to get the World Cup that Sae, Anri and possibly Ego, covets.

Sae's dream, and talent, is in football. He's been scouted by perhaps the most successful team in the Blue Lock world, with a world-class program for youths, and has been given the best chance possible, for any kid in his shoes, to fulfill his dream to be the best striker in the world. He's being sponsored, and he also left with a manager who would presumably, help take care of him whilst he was there. Sae isn't going there like say, Ashito from Aoi Ashi, who needed to go through a trial to even be considered for acceptance into the youth squad. He's going there as the equivalent of a golden scholarship student scouted for a potential future work placement, with the likely backing of the JFA.

What alternatives could his parents offer him if he stayed in Japan? His own speech to Sendou pre-blue lock vs U20 match encapsulates what could have been for him (Sendou is very much a foil to Sae, especially now that we know they're both redheads lmao). Being the best in Japan, a middle-of-the-road striker in the world, retiring with an average, albeit decent life. Sae's too egoistic, too talented, too greedy to be content with a life like that. I wouldn't be surprised if Sae had also begged his parents hard to let him go, since it's pretty much all he wanted as a kid.

That's without even taking into account the other problems his parents would face if they immigrated with Sae. How to take care of Rin and his education there, for starters. Rent and housing, finding jobs in Madrid where they likely can't speak the language, and face discrimination.

I think we don't get their parents faces because Rin and Sae's story, and their relationship with their parents, are simply emotionally distant. I don't think they have much parental control over Rin or Sae either. Sae's been more or less looking after himself/being taken care of by Real Madrid + his manager in Spain since 13, and Rin has been strongly implied to be in much the same shoes since Sae left, to a lesser extent. I doubt they know the more minute details about Rin and Sae’s school life and team experience, both within and out of Japan. I even doubt that they know that Rin and Sae had a fight, honestly, though I can also see them being the kind of parents who will let their kids sort things out between themselves.

Overall: Itoshi parents takes care of them physically (buys them material things, makes sure they have a home to stay in, have a physical caretaker in their place), but emotionally? Rin and Sae seem to be pretty much left on their own. No wonder their relationship with each other broke down, and what little relationships they have with others seem like such a convoluted mess.

Thanks for sending the ask! I love hearing from people what they think about the latest chapters, characters, relationships etc. I hope you have a great day too!

#niki answers asks #this got very long

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mourninglamby · 2 years

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Alright the angry mob appears to have died down a bit and I’m a tad calmer than I was when it first came out so I’m gonna. Talk about my thoughts on that stream a bit. Tw mentions of suicide bc that’s. What the arc was about (looks at Wilbur with bloodshot angry bleeding glazed over eyes and explodes his liver with my mind)

First things first I still can’t rewatch that lore stream like regardless of my opinion on how poorly done the end of that arc was it is so legitimately (I hate this word sorry) triggering to see ctommy say that stuff to him I can’t do it brah… and the fact that he didn’t add the trigger warning until midway through the stream is laughably irresponsible (I was not laughing I was hyperventilating but I’m laughing now). So my memory of the stream might be a bit faulty and I’m sorry if I get shit wrong pero oh well.

I don’t know how any of u are making jokes out of this I genuinely can’t fathom how this is funny .. maybe I’m just a hater but the Utah shit was just so insanely stupid like hey I’m gonna bait u guys into thinking my character is understandably and realistically suicidal again for months with red flags and mentions of ‘leaving where nobody can find me’ popping up in every damn apology stream mixed with mentions and confirmations of his previous mental health issues. and then we’re gonna. throw away any nuanced message about any of that and the process of choosing to heal and stay in this world for your loved ones who are literally BEGGING YOU NOT TO LEAVE out the window for some half baked immersion shattering “joke.”

Disagree with my reluctance to see this as lighthearted and “not that deep” all you want but the trigger warning was added (albeit late) for a reason. If you make an arc that makes people so nervous your character who has ALREADY COMPLETED A SUICIDE ATTEMPT ONCE might do it again that they’re making hundreds of meme images and pictures to act as some kind of uncomfortable lulling reassurance that we might get SOME semblance of a good ending then …. U may not want to like idk treat it like a joke.

I didn’t want him to kill himself. I think if he had conveyed to the audience that someone telling him “stay, I need you, I love you,” meant enough to him that he decided to change his mind, and then told ctommy he was going to get better somehow before he saw him again, I would have been fine with that. That’s like. The perfect outcome for me. I know c!crime are codependent. I know they have work to do. But can you like … srsly sit there and tell me what we got instead was ANY better.

Don’t even get me started on the fact that c!dream is still out there brah… cwilbur essentially poked the bear with the inconsolable differences stream and then bounced. like also dreams initial goal of reviving Wilbur solely to torture tommy worked. It legit just worked lmfao. WILBUR DIDNT EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR THE PIT THAT HE CONSISTENTLY BROUGHT UP. you guys… please tell me I’m not just a hater and ur all joking to make urselves feel better abt how awful that was… PLEASEEEE

#rant #I’m not gonna main tag lol

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pastriibunz · 3 months

Note

augh i love your characterization of pokotho. pokaitho?

its very cool :3

ACK TY!!! <333

I’m going to be v honest here, i haven’t watched most of the nightmare times, much less the one(s?) with Pokey in it. The only one I have watched is Forever and Always (+ Hey, Melissa! if that counts). I know, I know. Shame me. They’re on my list to watch, but I’m very lazy so I’ve been putting them off, lol. I DO plan on watching (at the very least) Watcher World and Abstinence Camp soon, as I’ve gotta write Kai into those :P

What I’m trying to say is, my basis for pokey is really only what I saw in NPMD + headcannons/things I’ve heard from people + my own personal interpretation lol

so i always kinda worry when im writing him that im getting his character wrong lmao

but asks like this always get me really happy!!! :D

I honestly love it sm whenever people compliment my work, as well as whenever people ask questions and/or comment on it!

just sort of knowing that people are seeing my writing and LIKING it is, like, the biggest thing to me.

I love it when people go “WHAT???” at a plot point, cry when a character experiences turmoil, laugh at a joke, and so on and so forth.

I am going to be so fr I thrive on little interactions abt my work with people

ANYWAYS

to see some more of my version of pokey, you can check out this one shot I wrote, Accursed!

(PS: I suggest reading the first part linked in the thing, and maybeeeee the Paul and Emma ones after?)

Sorry for rambling anon, but have a great day!!! :D

#kai drew #oc #tgwdlm #tkwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #the kai who didn’t like musicals #oc art #hatchetfield #kai in hatchetfield #pokotho #pokey

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daz4i · 3 months

Text

actually i AM gonna post abt this again. sorry

like when i say they make me feel like i'm in a story. i mean it

we started talking and immediately clicked. talked nonstop for days really

we both had relationships like that years before, but then paused that behavior bc we were young and it wasn't the healthiest, but now we were adults and knew better. it was the first one after that break for both of us

i avoided this behavior for awhile bc i knew it's not the healthiest but it felt so good when it happened. i (rightfully) feared the crash but at the time, the high was so worth it. and everything was going so smoothly too. things kept aligning just right all the time

every time i thought something is gonna come up or that i did something wrong and now it's all gonna blow up, they proved that i had no reason to worry, bc they let it slide immediately, even liked it

we kind of completed each other in every way. liked the same things and had a lot in common, but were opposites in enough things that we weren't TOO similar

i stopped worrying abt annoying them relatively early into the whole thing (usually it takes me months or even years, or i never stop at all. here it was maybe 2-3 weeks)

we became actually close right on their birthday. a small thing but you gotta admit if this was a story it'd be poetic as hell

every time they had a problem and i jokingly said i'm sending a spell their way to fix it, it passed after like 2 minutes. absolutely insane coincidence stuff

i mentioned this before. and this is gonna be embarrassing but. we met through, well, kin stuff lol. they kin chuuya, i kin dazai, we joked abt kindating etc. anyway my mental health was shit but they genuinely uplifted me a lot. they made me want to live for the first time in who knows how long, maybe ever. i think you can tell why i prefaced this story with that fact 🥲 embarrassing but real

and now this shit? 😭 another small thing but like. i make a post abt them bc now is generally around the time we started talking, and someone i follow queued a post from their blog and it posts right now?? they've been decativated for nearly a year HOW did this line up like that 😭

they unfortunately made me believe in the concept of soulmates :/ but as my friends (and mom. bc she saw me cry over the whole thing for days) said. if they cut me off and hurt me like that, they weren't ~the one~

and another thing that made me feel more like i'm in a teen movie is. i legit spent a day and a half in bed crying and barely doing anything else, after they cut me off. truly cliche stuff. actually that's a good way to put it - they made me feel like a cliche. still do when i think abt it a year later. it was a good thing at first, bad when it ended. i could make a movie abt this barely changing any detail and it'll be an average teen romantic comedy (except i'll have to add some happy ending there)

anyway let me finish all that by saying. who the fuck blocks someone on spotify 😭 dude...

(it's been a year and i got burned so badly from this whole thing that i seriously doubt i'll be able to love someone this much again. i need it to be an instant obsession to actually feel good about love, but i'll never be able to confidently go into any new relationship with that purpose because i'm just too scared things will hurt this much again. it's honestly so depressing lol 🥲 but what can ya do)

(i also became the most suicidal i've ever been since lol. probably bc of how big the drop was. it still hasn't gone away. part of why i see no point in life is bc of that previous paragraph. so.)

#vent #but it's me being obsessive and weird probably #(trust me when i say i can be way worse tho! 😎)

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artis-lined · 1 year

Text

Regarding Recent Events

(Believe whoever you want, I don't care, I just hope this stops.)

Hey guys, I unfortunately didn't want to have to be the one to do this, but I'm sorry to say with everything happening, I have obtained enough evidence to confidently accuse @slow-snail and @luminous000 of everything. Strap in, because this genuinely going to be a long one.

Red Flags

Let's start with some things arent quite evidence yet still may be a cause for suspicion. If you'd like to skip this section, please go to the next, titled "The Stalker"

Lumi has very similar texting patterns as Ghost

I have been in multiple situations where someone I know has faked being two or more people. I feel like I know the signs at this point. Lumi and Ghost are very similar, I remember thinking that they were just the same person and it was just a back up account before Ghost said it was his bf.

Ghost makes uncalled for jokes that are not, infact, funny.

I understand humor being a coping mechanism. It is even recognized by many mental health professionals. The thing that bothers me (and hopefully many of you) is the point where it stops being a coping mechanism. Playing dead for a day and a half is not funny. It is not cute. It is, infact, hurtful and can even be traumatizing for some. It's not funny how worried we were. It was a worrying time, many of us were so shaken up we blamed ourselves. It is not funny.

Convenient timing

It seems like every time they get better something either happens to Ghost, or Lumi. If they don't recieve enough attention, the resort to drastic measures to get everyone worked up and then come back to say: "no everything's ok now, ty for worrying 🥹". Like no shit. People are going to worry if you post how you're going to jump off a fucking bridge.

The Stalker

Here I will discuss how the story had more plot holes than things that actually made sense. Please read this part, as it contains important arguments.

Texting us while on the white board

Whether he was lethargic from "blood loss" or abt to pass out, they never stopped typing. On top of that, most of the responses were so premeditated it immediately made me feel like we were all just role playing.

Usage of medical terms

Other than the usage of 'stitches', the other terms were improperly applied.

"The goal of a medically induced coma is to reduce the work of brain cells and protect them from increased pressure inside the skull or after an event such as a stroke."

"The medically induced coma is intended to reduce the metabolic demand of the brain cells."

[Another term for a medically induced coma can also be sedation]

Source

My uncle was placed under sedation when after his heart surgery, his kidneys stopped working on their own. It is different from anesthetics since anesthesia slows blood flow to the brain (and decrease brain activity). Isn't it wonderful what a quick Google search will teach you? Oh, speaking of Google searches..

Lack of News Reports

I'm not saying the news reports everything-- but I find it odd how even when googling key pieces of evidence regarding this case, there was nothing remotely similar. This includes turning off local searches.

Went Home Quickly

After about two days in the hospital, Ghost was released. It was very short considering being in critical condition (including the fact they apparently flat lined multiple times). There was also no vital organ seemingly damaged, so then why would he flat line? Blood loss is serious, but they were alive in the hospital and ambulances have O- blood on hand since it is a blood type that everyone can use.

Ghosts Suicide

Finally, the last piece of evidence. This was disgusting... genuinely disgusting. Please read this part, as it contains important arguments.

Medical Inaccuracies

I'm not going to type out the whole medically induced coma argument again, but the point still stands.

Legal Inaccuracies

Lumi would not have been the person contacted regarding medical information. They have expressed to be around fifteen, and have no legal or blood relation. It's nice that they're dating and all, but it does not make them automatically the one updated with information regarding Ghosts wellbeing. It's one thing to be updated by the parents, but Lumi has shown that Ghosts "parents" don't like him.

Death occurs when there is no more brain activity.

This part was horrible. It had so many lies in it I don't even know where to begin. First, it's illegal to just pay a doctor and say that they're dead. Second, multiple doctors are there to ensure a patients safety. There has to be evidence of brain death.

The Next Chapter

I can't be the only one who sees what they're doing, right? Lumi was in denial when Ghost came back, and it's going to end in one of two ways.

Lumi is so upset about what happened, and as they are plagued by guilt of not know sooner, they attempt to kill themself, and don't succeed. The cycle continues.

It turns out Ghost has been hacked (probably by the stalker if they're feeling like it needs a plot twist) and it turns out the hacker is going to do something horrible to Lumi.

I'm just so done. Like, actually done. I tried to make this post as informational as I could, because I don't want anyone to think I'm being a jerk. You don't have to agree, but I'm probably going to take a short hiatus or something just to get away from all this.

Thank you for reading everything.

@parma-san @i-dont-draw-stuff @aimless-aimz

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inkedmyths · 11 months

Text

S2: E5 "Simon Said"

Brought to you by Kayla was bored and I was bored enough to continue AND ALSO THIS WAS A MONTH AGO I'M SORRY

This ep featuring: Murder suicide, demon touched pussy, grand theft auto, and yet another fucked up brotherly parallel

Silas: UR STILL ON SEASON 2? Crepe: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES Melon: They’ve been watching at a rate of one-two episodes every two weeks. We’re gonna be here for the long haul (years) Me: Bc I have been busy <3 Silas: BYE I THOUGHT UD BE AT 3 AT THIS POINT HAGAHAYUGADG Me: SHUT UP SILAS Silas: SO MEAN TO ME

[ There is a brief interruption as I'm about to start because my mom walked in to make a joke about being a bad influence. This has nothing to do with Supernatural. She has never watched it and refuses to. A wise decision, probably. ]

What the fuck? What the fuck

[ The peanut gallery continues to make fun of my slow watch rate. I ignore them in favor of staring in bafflement at the screen. ]

Vision? Flashback?

Visions!!

[ Aspen now enters the chat, making a comment that they were just thinking about how long its been since the last time. ]

UHHH

DAMN HE JUST COMMITED A MURDER

MURDER SUICIDE

Oh hello Sam

Back at it again with the evil visions huh

[ Why the fuck does Aspen have a teletubby emote. ]

Dean beloved your phrasing needs work. Its so bad <3

The bar all goes 👀 when the boys walk in

Does. He

He has no pants. Ok

THATS PRETTY DAMN SPECIFIC SAM

WHSHSGSGS

[ Kayla at last arrives, late as hell for someone so invested in me watching this. ]

REO SPEEDWAGON...

DEAN.... WHSHSGSG SINGING IT IN DEAD SILENCE IN THE CAR

Okay so we are tracking down another kid who might've been visited by the demon

LAWYERS

LEFT HIM AN ESTATE

GUYS ISN'T THIS LIE TAKING IT A BIT FAR—

Kayla: nah. its funny

Barbarian Queen riding a polar bear...

WJSHDH DEAN "I don't know, I'm starting to like this dude. That van is sweet."

I mean it is a reasonable connection that so far these uh. Idk. Demon touched psychics? Are violent?

And like Sam has a point, hunting is killing and violence, even if Dean is pretty keen on separating that completely from normal murder

Kayla: read that notif as demon touched pussy. i was like shit fr? Me: DEMON TOUCHED PUSSY.......

Dude actually I'm with Dean on this one. This guy fucks

Literally, judging from the girl waving at him

Dean thats not subtle.... why can't you guys be subtle..........

DID. DID HE JUST STEAL THE CAR

IN TEARS.

DEAN HE JUST STOLE YOUR CAR

WHAT

He's like some kind of? Affects minds?

"He full on Obi-Waned me" HELL YEAH LET'S GO STAR WARS REFERENCE ON MAY THE 4TH

OH SHIT MAN JUST WALKED INTO TRAFFIC

Dr Jennings...?

Ok ok...

WJSHSH "AND OJ WAS GUILTY"

I can't believe this, this is so funny

The guy LITERALLY stole Dean's car and he's still like "Man this guy FUCKS I can't be mad at him"

Dean viewing his van with a disco ball and a bong: This guy is so real

Guy has a thing for weird eccentric guys in long coats I guess

MOBY DICKS BONG

OH SHIT HE APPEARS

IT NOT HIM IT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE?

What the fuck?

Oh fuck? What the fuck what is happening?

OH HE HAS A BROTHERRRRE

OH OH I SEE

OH THIS FUCKIN GUY

I SEEEEEEE

Sam buddy you alright

OH THE GIRL

His long lost twin was jealous?

Or something? Why the murder

Damn Sam these visions are sucking worse and worse huh

Ohhhh weird weird creepy fucker

OH HE'S WEIRDLY? WEIRDLY OVERPROTECTIVE? WHAT THATS EVEN CREEPIER

The constant weirdass parallels to the Winchesters huh

Whaaaaaat the fuck

LMAO (jedi mindtricking) "You really don't want to do this" (gets punched)

What in the fuck is happening here

Dude what

Yeah exactly!! Just talk to your brother like a normal person

THE MAN WITH THE YELLOW EYES

Kayla: you wanna know a funny story abt him Kayla: he actually has a name Kayla: however when i first watched his whole section (i was 10 i think) i decided that the man w the yellow eyes was too long Kayla: this was pre name reveal Kayla: so i Kayla: named him. Kayla: his name was jeffery. Kayla: i stand by that. Me: WJDHDHD Crepe: JEFFERY

Ohhhhh poor Andy :((

I love Andy I would die for Andy he was just living his life and his twin had been got by the demon so he showed up and was a murderous bastard

AUAUGH

DEAN NO

Sam is at his ropes end, Dean is deciding that ignoring things is the best option

Oh fuck shes onto them

Well fuck. Broke pattern, who knows how many weird psychics the demon has tabs on

Aaaaand end episode

Damn!

---

Okay, really interesting episode. I stand by that I would die for Andy, I hope he's okay after all of this nonsense.

But it's definitely setting up some crazy shit with psychic people... wonder where this is going... genuinely. I have no idea. But its probably not good!

#on the highway to superhell #spn #supernatural #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET POSTED.... IM A FORGETFUL LITTLE GOLDFISH #i watched two more eps yesterday so i'll compile those later. im off to go play salmon run

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commaclear · 1 year

Note

Cw for sensitive topics I think

I’m from ur disc server and i just am kinda concerned abt some of the things ppl talk abt. I’m not rlly all that active but i do lurk and there’s a lot of times i come look to see what’s up and there’s someone practically venting in a main channel. Sometimes it’s not just one person but instead two and it ends up creating a convo with sensitive topics and encouraging bad things

I’m not talking abt the trauma jokes or sex jokes bc if it’s relevant and lighthearted then it’s not harming anyone. But opening the chat to one person ranting about their experience with religious trauma and homophobia is just really awkward. Like it’s not even triggering for me it’s just awkward

I understand that ppl sometimes need a place to get out whatever’s going on in their life but a fanfiction discord server’s main chat really isn’t the place

The other issue with these ppl is that from what I’ve seen and from what I can tell their on the younger side. And when they reply to each other it’s really easy for them to start encouraging very unsafe things. While it’s okay to reply to someone having a tough time, supporting the dangerous shit they claim they do is not it

In these rants I’ve seen ppl mention things like religion, homophobia, self harm, suicide, racism, substance use, abuse, and probably other things too. None of which contained any warning and was just thrown in there with no regard to others. While I’m not much of a cw type of guy, they are important if ppl are just gonna throw around shit like that. There’s been times where things they’ve been talking about are genuinely concerning or remind me of shit I would prefer to not think about. A little bit of a forewarning would’ve been nice

I’m aware that my triggers are my responsibility but I feel like these vents and trauma dumps should be these people’s responsibilities too. Ppl in the server didn’t sign up to read about someone’s trauma. They signed up to talk with ppl who happened to enjoy the same fanfics as them

In the end I am not at all trying to get ppl in trouble or offend ppl I just feel like this is an issue that’s increased recently. I’m not sure what a solution would be or if there is one. Maybe a venting channel to keep this type of stuff out of main channels? Although I figure there isn’t one for a reason

Sorry to bother you with this stuff. I’m sure I’m making a big deal out of nothing and you don’t have to reply to this if you don’t want to. I love your works a lot and you seem like a nice person and ty for reading this I appreciate it lol

Not much to say to that other than yeah, you're right. I seriously do appreciate you bringing this up because I want my discord to be a safe place for everyone. I just made a channel for venting, and I'll talk to them in private if it keeps happening

#anons my beloved

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

Note

i voted no because it comes across like you want to argue about it, not like you don’t want to be bothered by people like that

yeah that's fair. i definitely don't actually want to argue, but at the same time my inbox is open my anon is on and my DMs are set so anyone can message me if they want, so it's not like i'm actively trying to avoid being bothered by people like that?

i guess the poisonous frog metaphor is more like, in this scenario where izzy fans are the predators and i am a poisonous frog, if the predator does try to eat the poisonous frog anyway the frog is like, mildly annoyed at worst, but probably finds the predator kinda funny. the frog is mostly unbothered. so that image as my header is more of a warning for izzy fans than it is an effective defense for me

the thing is that one of my biggest joys on tumblr dot com is making my blog title into some kind of stupid joke. for a while it was "Worthless Idiot Loser" because an anon called me that for stanning izzy (a thing i am notorious for Not Doing). and i think my most iconic header was What If King George Was Demisexual.

currently my blog title is based on that time when i accidentally made people think i thought izzy was straight, which is already something izzy fans (and i think just ofmd twitter as a whole) think of as a time when i was trying to start a fight or whatever. and the joke there is that izzy being straight is the dumbest and also funniest concept to me, and it's funny that i got yelled at for not even saying that.

so like, someone saying "so many ppl with ourflagmeansgay[X] as their url are suicide-baiting antis" is right up my alley in terms of shit i find funny, bc i absolutely do not do that and it's funny how the things i've said have been taken out of context and read in bad faith and now that's how people perceive me. that sounds bitter lol but genuinely i find it funny, like it's literally tumblr. everybody calm down.

and if someone does want to try and argue with me abt it tho i don't mind explaining that no, i've never told anyone to jump off a cliff or anything along those lines, and i'm only an "izzy anti" in that i personally hate izzy and love to dunk on him, and that i (and other ofmd fans) have noticed problematic trends in a lot of izzy content. and yes, i will make posts about those trends and i discuss that stuff on my blog, but by no means have i ever sent harassing messages, nor do i condone harassment. i don't want to tell people what to do!! like even when i say "izzy's popularity in the ofmd fandom is yet another example of the pervasive trend across every fandom ever of fan content prioritizing a shitty white masc antagonist, even in media with a diverse cast," noticing that trend is not the same thing as saying "so if YOU are an izzy fan, i think YOU SPECIFICALLY need to stop posting about izzy now!!"

anyway currently "yes" is winning by a landslide so it looks like i’m going to be choosing violence (/j)

#mine #ask #anon #txt #if this post is in the izcourse tag no it isnt u just dont know how to use tumblr #og

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nightmare8-420 · 2 days

Text

j rants slightly abt bullshit

slight tw for suicide mention

ik im over it and all but uh, if i dont get it out now its gonna bottle up again.

i was looking back at our old messages,

yknow, i really really dont feel anything for you now,

we havent talked since march 14,

i dont really wanna talk to you again,

at all actually.

my life has been, so much better without you,

“I dont onow why i thought you were gonna treat me like xxx”

i dont know why i ever thought you treated me well.

i already told you that i was sorry, that jt would never make up for what happened,

but,

even then,

you didnt even ask if i was okay,

you made jokes about the things i went through at the time,

i tried to tell you that i was uncomfortable,

but you didnt listen to me,

at all,

yknow,

some weeks ago was the anniversary of the last time i tried to kill myself,

the time i tried to kill myself for you,

but,

the only thing i could think about was if i was gonna mess up or not,

that i would “mess up” again,

you almost left me then,

you knew that it had been so long since talking to other people than my “family”

you knew about how suicidal i was,

and yet,

all because i made another friend,

that was somehow my fault,

that i was “used up”

and you still to this day,

dont know that i tried to kill myself for you,

because i never got the chance to tell you,

but yknow,

even tho this year’s anniversary i was spiralling,

and hurting myself,

yknow,

they didnr leave me,

no one left me,

they cooked with me,

they essentially told me how they considered me as a friend,

they comforted me.

i wont blame you for all of it,

though,

the differences between you and,

all of my friends now,

are so,

noticable,

things like refusing to play with others in games,

dont lead to fights,

or anxiety,

asking dumb questions,

dont result in them calling me stupid.

i dont regret meeting you,

but,

in a way,

it feels guilty to not regret what happened,

it hurt both of us,

but,

were both with better friends,

i literally wouldnt have half the friends i do now,

if all that didnt happen,

id still be that helpless kid,

daydreaming for a message,

in a way,

i guess i miss it,

the good times,

but,

even if it was impossible for anything like that to happen between us again,

i dont think id go back,

this is life now,

im still adjusting to it,

but,

i feel so much more calm when you’re not here.

#j’s a bloody mess #actually im doing quite well tonight i uh.#just looked back at some old messages #annnnyways time to go draw smut to embarrass one of my friends!

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borderline-vents · 1 month

Note

//fp issues, v light mention of sh/suicidal thoughts, extreme splitting idk

been having the worst fucking time .am graduating soon . the senior party we'regoing to a theme park. decided oh my gods . I've never been to one before .i want so fucking badly to go w/ my fp(who graduated last year) i start daydreaming im on a high im so fucking happy and excited. i sign up . then i find out i cant bring my fp . start breaking down. complain to my mother . she says 'i see I'm not enough for you. ok.' because idk me saying i want to make memories with my friend at a theme park means shes a failure of a mother? idk. shes like that. my fp calls and im upset. i explain the situation to her and almost start crying. (i was crying but not audibly) im so fucking miserable . she says ok ill ask my stepdad to help. im out here crashing hard so miserable everything is pointless maybe i should kill myself to make the organizers regret not letting me bring her. any ways the stepfather says ok so fp needs 2 get a license and a car and drive 6 hrs , or get a plane, but it's possible . he gets off call. (fuck im still on call with her and her attempts to comfort me are making me split hard . im apathy rn shes saying 'im not leaving u alone when ur sad'im not sad im not anything. im transmasc and she asked if i was having a girlboss moment bc mental health or whatever. 'i can tell youre upset about it' shut up shut up shut up) she says she doesn't want to drive all the way there and a plane would be miserable and she doesnt like theme parks anyways. well now i dont care abt anything. she didnt even want to go she wouldn't even be happy. it wouldn't even be worth it it doesn't matter cuz she doesn't wanna go so now i don't care. its pointless. i want to go because its something to do and it sounds like a nice break from my family but its not gonna be a magical memorable day it never would be because my daydreaming about making jokes on the carousel or admiring the view together on the ferris wheel or winning her a prize are all stupid and pointless. i was an idiot to hope and even stupider to think that anyone would make it happen. im empty rn i don't care really. its been a rollercoaster(hah) of being on top of the world because things would be perfect to being severely depressed because this is pointless and won't work to oh. it didn't matter in the first place. it was never going to be special. it never will be. if i went with my fp and everything was perfect together she wouldn't be comfortable so it's all worthless anyways. she should cancel her trip to see me its a waste of her time and money shes got better things to do and i should go [various sh/suicidal things] . this fucking sucks and im stuck wobbling between apathy and misery and that joy is dead. if i hurt ill at least feel something and ill deserve it. she doesn't even want to go

#borderline vent #fp vent #tw sh #tw self harm #tw suicide

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