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stxleslyds · 3 years

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MY THOUGHTS ON TITANS’ RED HOOD,

BEFORE WATCHING THE LAST EPISODE.

I will start by saying that I haven’t been able to watch the show, these are my thoughts after reading a very well-written and detailed review of the last episode. The review is also written by someone that enjoys the show, this is important because my thoughts don’t align with theirs.

I understand that Titans is known for being garbage, I know their writing is messed up, and I had no hope whatsoever for them to actually write a good Jason Todd/Red Hood story. I would also like to make clear that this post is in no way hate towards the actor playing Jason, this post is just my thoughts on Jason’s characterization.

What I really don’t like is these shows/movies taking the names of loved characters and making an “original character” out of them. Yes, there are different takes of the character and you can build their story differently but I do feel that what they did with Jason is beyond all that. They twisted every concept from his origin and his story, nothing really fits, but someway, somehow, they still managed to push all the wrong narratives when it comes to Robin Jason.

Two of the most horrible narratives that DC has decided to push are “Robin Jason was reckless and a troubled kid that never did what he was told” and “Jason Todd is to blame for his death”.

The show does push the one where Jason is reckless. Jason is consumed by fear, and Bruce Wayne pays attention to that but he doesn’t only do that, he also offers comfort and help, he tries to make Robin Jason go to therapy.

This is huge, they build up the perfect scenario for Jason to not become the Red Hood. But for some reason, they decided to make Jason reckless and too eager to prove that he didn’t need that kind of help. And then they didn’t help Jason’s case because they wrote their Bruce as a caring father that does not want to see his son get hurt or end up dead.

This Bruce Wayne is doing everything that comics Bruce Wayne didn’t. This Bruce cares, so once more, one would think that this Jason wouldn’t become the Red Hood. But, surprise! Jason Todd doesn’t take well the news of him not being able to be Robin anymore.

Here is the thing, if you were Bruce in this situation, would you let this Jason continue to be Robin when he is a danger to himself? I know I wouldn’t.

Here is where Titans’ terrible writing reaches its peak. They have a vulnerable and reckless Jason try to prove that he can still be Robin by working on *something* that can take his fears away. Jason Todd wants to make a drug, let that one sink in.

Jason Todd wants to make something that is basically a drug. Did Titans really erase the fact that Jason’s mother overdosed? Because that’s one of the most important things in Jason’s life and that built up his hate for drugs and what they do to people. His mother was in an abusive relationship and that led her to do drugs and later led her to her own death.

This might not sound too important to other people but to me, it’s something that has always been important to Jason’s character before and after his death.

Going back to the actual show, Jason goes to Scarecrow, willingly, and asks him to make him a drug that will make him don’t feel fear. I know that this Jason is vulnerable and that he probably thinks that therapy isn’t working for him, but why on earth would Jason think that making Scarecrow make a drug for him would be a good idea?

How does that make sense? The show is basically telling us that Jason had a support system and that he was going to therapy because Bruce wouldn’t want to lose his SON. Why does this show go far and beyond to make Jason look reckless and dumb?

This is not me comparing Comics Jason to Titans Jason anymore, this is me finding Titans’ logic unnecessarily stupid, they really went out of their way to write pure stupidity.

Why would they write Bruce as a caring father and as actively working so Jason can be in a better mental state so he won’t lose him as his son if they are also going to write Jason as an incredibly reckless man? Are we supposed to be on Bruce’s side? Because as of now, Bruce is the only one with brain cells.

There is absolutely no way to compare that to comics because in comics Bruce neglected Jason’s needs and refused to see that Jason had different morals even back then, and that neglect was key in Jason jumping onto the idea that he needed someone that he could call family and actually care for him. He wanted love and attention from a parental figure because he didn’t feel like he had one. Robin wasn’t everything that Jason was, he was also a kid with normal needs.

So, you build that completely different and actually give Jason the support that he also wanted in the show but for some reason, he is fiercely attached to Robin even though his fear comes from the fact that he almost died for being Robin. There is no logic to this Jason’s actions and that isn’t on Jason it's on the writers’ incredibly garbage writing. It is like they come up with ten different ideas and they put all of them but none of them are actually solid and well-developed concepts.

And you can’t tell me to get over it because “Titans has always had bad writing, there were two seasons of bad writing”. Listen, if you are happy to consume media that is badly written then that’s on you, Jason is one of my favorite characters, I don’t want him to be written badly just because that’s the show’s style. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me wanting writers to actually care about the characters they are writing for, all three seasons have had different writers, is it really so far-fetched for me to want one of these people to write something that makes sense?

Jason's death was tragic in both comics and the show, and he was a victim in both of them, yes. But the show really pushes the limits of that, Jason wanted to take something to make him not fear, he looked for Scarecrow (not Dr. Jonathan Crane, Scarecrow, and he was an already established villain) to make him this drug when he couldn’t make it himself. He trusted Scarecrow (for some weird reason) and then as a test he went to fight Joker? It’s tragic because it ended with Jason dying but it's also tragic because the writing is just bad. It just is, and that is a problem for me.

From then on, we have the “big connection” to comics, the Lazarus Pit! Wow, you guys did it, yeah, everyone loves the Lazarus Pit, every time I think about Jason, I only think about that one time in which he was thrown in a Lazarus Pit to recover his mental injuries or all of his injuries after he came back from the dead.

This Jason has no training, there is no Talia, no League of Assassins, no Ducra or All-Castle, there is only Scarecrow and his new puppet, the Red Hood.

It changes everything and I don’t like it. Once again, I understand and know the concept of the multiverse, the various earths, and the Elseworlds, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like this take on Jason Todd/Red Hood along with its horrendous writing.

I don’t have to like it, just like I understand that others do like it because it is their first contact with the character or because they are fine, as fans of the character, with a new take. I am not gatekeeping Jason Todd or Red Hood; I am just saying that my being angry at this version and absolutely hating it is just as valid as liking this version of Jason.

Red Hood in Titans is just Scarecrow’s puppet, that’s how things are, and I just think that it is too big of a change from the original reasons for Jason to become Red Hood. And I will never get tired of saying this, Red Hood wasn’t only all about the Joker killing him and Batman not killing the Joker. The Red Hood was Jason’s way to make things work, to prove to Bruce that Batman wasn’t enough for Gotham. Red Hood came back to Gotham to stop bad people from introducing children to drugs and to make Gotham’s people feel safe.

He thought that Red Hood was the better version of Batman for Gotham and its people.

But I am not blind, I can see how Titans can twist it again to give us Red Hood as a protector of children and Gotham in general. I can see the “I used to do drugs and now I will fight so no other person goes through the same”, I see it and I am aware of it but it does also bring me to my other problem with Titans and DC in general: story swapping.

Story Swapping is something that DC loves to do, they thrive when they make change people’s origins for others and when they take character traits from one character to another.

And Titans’ Jason Todd is just that, he has characteristics and plot concepts from Dick Grayson and if what I just predicted happens then he will have some of Roy Harper's characteristics. And that is exactly what Lobdell did, but somehow, they managed to get different results. I cannot praise Titans for giving us a new Red Hood origin because they made his characterization with the help of other character’s origins and/or stories.

This is the first time that we see a live-action Jason Todd/Red Hood, was it really that hard to just stick to his origins as both Robin and Red Hood? There is so much to explore from Jason, there is so much between his death and him becoming Red Hood, from both before and after New 52.

Jason becoming Red Hood under the influence of Scarecrow in moths is lazy, bland and an insult to Jason’s character. They could have done things by the book and then explore things that we have never seen before in a show or movie.

Jason has had so much training outside of Gotham, why did Titans think that they could do acceptable work at bringing this amazingly complex character in a show that has nothing to do with him.

They could have had him killed in the Titans show and then wait and make a Red Hood show to actually tell a good story. What is Jason Todd doing in a show that is called Titans? Where are the Titans? They chose the most recognizable Titans’ line-up and they are not using it. They butchered Garth and Donna and for what?

DC gets away way too much with selling their stupid shows and movies by telling us that x character will appear but then when you watch the thing for that x character, they are nowhere to be seen. That’s exactly what they did with Cassandra Cain and what they are doing with Red Hood.

I don’t know how this tv show is doing, I only know that as a non-American that pays the same money for an HBO Max subscription, I don’t get to see any Titans content, not even a miserable trailer.

But I know that if non-comic readers are watching it, they will love it and if they actually were to start reading comics because of the show, then they wouldn’t find that Jason there. So, either that leads to Jason’s characterization being messed up even more within comics or it does nothing for Jason or comics.

To end this post, I just want to bring up the animated movie Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010).

That movie was widely praised and loved by critics, comic readers, and non-comic readers. It was fantastic, the story was amazing (even though it had differences with the comic, one might say that the differences improved the story), the voice acting was phenomenal, everything was done beautifully. Do you know what made it that way? The writing.

And you know who wrote the animated movie? The same person who wrote the comic the movie is based on, Judd Winick.

With that I am not saying that Titans should have had Judd write for them, what I am saying is that given the fact that they are using a pre-existing character they should chat with the Red Hood’s creator or even the writer that wrote for him for ten years after the character came back to comics.

This show obviously didn’t do that though, they preferred to write Jason Todd/Red Hood as if he were a Titans original character, but the thing is, from where I see it Titans didn’t give us an OC, they gave us an OOC.

So, to sum it all up, I hate Titans’ version of Jason Todd/Red Hood, I think that it is not only badly written but there is also no real logic to what they are trying to do so far. I am also tired of their bad and lazy writing in general. And I would have liked the Titans’ writers to actually respect the Red Hood lore because if they had I would have actually been excited about a Red Hood spin-off show.

Using the material that is available to you isn’t a crime, building from that material is the best thing that they could have done, but all they really wanted to do was use Red Hood’s name to get more money from a dying show.

It makes the show look cheap and actually not interested in giving us good stories, and no, I wasn’t expecting Captain America: The Winter Soldier levels of good writing or good changes to a very loved story/characters, I was actually expecting some Lobdell writing level and the way I see it we ended up getting something worse.

These are all my opinions. You can like, love, or dislike this version of Jason and the show as much as you want but you won’t find any form of love towards the show in this blog, at least not right now.

MY THOUGHTS ON TITANS’ RED HOOD,

AFTER WATCHING THE LAST EPISODE.

Well, I will start this part by saying: Sorry. I am sorry that I believed that Titans’ Red Hood was bad, it is actually worse than bad.

I was so wrong on many things, that review really made me think that things weren’t that bad but I still hated what I read. Now that I have watched the episode because I wanted this post to be extra honest and to stop myself from saying stupid stuff, I can also say that I hated what I watched.

This show really validates the two most horrible narratives that DC has been pushing for Jason: “he was a reckless Robin that didn’t think about his actions” and “he was to blame for his own death”

Jason Todd wasn’t a victim of Scarecrow, this Jason Todd took every single bad decision that he could, and those decisions led him to his death. No sympathy for this man.

Also, this Jason is like 19? He doesn’t look younger than that, but that’s not the point, what I am trying to point out is that this Robin is extremely underprepared, he lacks training and the mental capacity to stop acting like an edge lord every time he opens his mouth. He is annoying.

And I was wrong about Titans erasing the plotline of Jason’s mother dying of an overdose, she did die that way and this Jason spoke of her as if he hated her. What is going on? This Jason really doesn’t make me feel an ounce of sympathy for him. This attitude of “no one understands my pain” when everybody is trying to help you doesn’t make you look cool or anything of the sort, it makes you look annoying.

It is even worse because this Jason is so immature and reckless that he made his friend Molly (that is just a normal teen with no training) go after a thug with him, while he was not mentally well. He made that decision for them and put himself and her in danger. If that scene had gone any other way, then Jason could have been guilty of getting his friend injured or killed.

Jason Todd is so incredibly dumb; he is not a child but he acts like one every step of the way.

Nothing makes sense in his whole ass interaction with Bruce in front of the theatre, it’s like Jason refuses to listen to what Bruce tells him, well not that he refuses to listen it is more like a “Telefono descompuesto” I don’t know if you guys have that game but you basically have to tell something in someone’s ear and then the person repeats what they understood to the next and so on, what you said is heavily distorted by the end of the game. In this scene that is exactly what happens but it’s between two people.

When Jason accuses Bruce of not taking away Robin from Dick, Bruce says something along the lines of “I learned from my mistakes” and Jason says “so, I am a mistake now?”. Jason, use your ears, if Bruce says that he learned from his mistakes when talking about Dick, then his mistake was what he did with Dick. The writing is so bad, it's actually painful and it is even worse because the acting is bad, but I can’t blame the actors, it must really be hard to make a scene work when the writing is that bad. (Also, the unnecessary pauses, and the sounds that they play after they say something stupid, it is too funny).

Do you know what made me cringe? When they were having the chat in the theatre, in my mind all I could hear was “if you are nothing without the suit then you shouldn’t have it”, not me quoting Tony Stark in my head! I haven’t even watched that movie! But it fits perfectly for that scene.

The interaction with Scarecrow was more than dumb, if Jason was already acting like a child, now, he is basically acting like a toddler. Scarecrow saw right through him in seconds and just as fast decided that he was going to have fun with his new toy. He gave him a formula that wasn’t quite correct even though it looked like he knew exactly how to make the reverse version of his fear gas. This Jason has zero detective or survival skills but we already knew that when he made himself get captured and tortured by Deathstroke.

Anyway, all the interactions with Scarecrow were allowed to happen because this Jason can’t put two and two together. He convinces himself that everyone is out to get him, dude, Bruce is a detective and he also has eyes, Leslie didn’t tell him anything. If I were Bruce, you wouldn’t be able to be Robin anymore either.

I understand that Jason is not in a good mental place and that he wants to make his fears go away, but he had support, people around him were trying to get him help, trying to make him understand that he was hurting himself. His over-the-top anger and recklessness are unjustified when you refuse to take the help that is being offered to you.

He made terrible decisions for selfish purposes and that got him killed.

This is one of the last things I want to say, Scarecrow either didn’t need Jason at all to get out of Arkham or the writers made an oopsie because at the end of the episode he had someone helping him put Jason in the Lazarus Pit and then he was out of Arkham and he had a suit ready for Jason and everything. How did he manage all that? No idea.

The Lazarus Pit, yeah, I am sorry to be that person but the Pit can’t bring back people from the dead, it can only restore or heal physical and mental injuries (however grave they were), but Lobdell messed that one up already and Titans really didn’t have time to write a single good scene so what was I expecting?

Anyway, the last thing I wanted to say is that I know why Jason or Red Hood seems to not be affected by the drug when he sees Molly at the end of the episode, it is because the executive producer of the show is Geoff Johns! He loves making Jason fall for girls and get all mushy and dumb, do you guys remember how dumb he got when he left with Rose?

Jason being written as the kind of guy that acts like a love-sick puppy with a girl but also screams at her when he gets mad is peak Geoff Johns. So, if you were wondering where that came from, well, there it is.

Yeah, that is all I had to say, honestly if you have read this whole post then you are one strong individual, I am sorry I put you through all my thinking and rambling. You didn’t really deserve that.

I didn’t want to delete the first part of the post because I talked about so much more than the show and my thoughts before watching the episode still stand. I hope this post isn’t too confusing. As always you can think the complete opposite of me about the show or anything, I am just writing my thoughts.

Having said all that, I hope all of you, Titans’ lovers, haters, and people that simply do not care, have a wonderful week!

#jason todd #red hood #titans s3 #titans #anti titans

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

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just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense.

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that.

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later.

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone).

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways.

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie!

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway.

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that.

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality.

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason.

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough.

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes.

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away.

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula???

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00.

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jason todd #bruce wayne #leslie thompkins #a tragic jalebi #robin #red hood

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isitcowboytimes · 2 years

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(This was written for a multichapter thing I’m doing, but I like it and it makes me emotional and works as a standalone so here we go.)

Jason used to have a hard time settling down to sleep.

Crime Alley was loud at all hours and the walls of their apartment were thin. Before Willis left, Jason would lay in bed straining to hear through the quiet of their unit for any indication of a fight breaking out- verbal or physical. Sometimes they were already fighting, and Jason would sit up in bed straining to hear what they were saying instead; trying to determine if they would settle down themselves or if Jason would need to intervene.

By the end, the answer was always that Jason needed to do something. Was that a change between them or a change in Jason? It would be hard to say, but it doesn't really matter either way now.

After Willis left- (Voluntarily, or was he arrested? Did he get killed before he was ever even in cuffs? Was that a lie his mother told him to spare Jason's feelings over whatever happened to that scumbag? As if he cared. More details that actually really don't matter.) After Willis left, Jason listened for other things.

Jason listened for his mom; which was the case before, too, truly- but then he listened for when she came home and when she didn't. Toward the end, he would listen for if she brought anyone home with her. Even then, when she was unstable and reckless and stopped caring about her own safety as much, she didn't bring people around often. Eventually Jason realized that she only did when she couldn't help it. But she always gave him ample time to make himself scarce.

Catherine wasn't a good parent, but in their situation Jason thinks there weren't many opportunities for her to be. Maybe he's just making excuses, but he can't just write her off. Willis he could write off; Willis was a piece of work. And Sheila…

Well. Jason knows that Catherine loved him. He knows that she tried. Maybe she didn't try hard enough, but she tried.

After Catherine, Jason listened for other things. He'd always been a light sleeper- always listening, even when he was unconscious- but suddenly every little sound would wake him up. Things that never bothered him before like distant gunshots and explosions, dogs barking down the street, or people talking-fighting-fucking- (or worse)- in the alley under his window would pull him out of sleep with a start when he was alone. He didn't get much sleep, which sucked. At least, after his mom died, he didn't have to go to school and he didn't have to work as much as he did when he was supporting her.

(Technically Jason did have to go to school, but he didn't. He wasn't going to get her in trouble if he didn't go, but he would get himself in trouble if he did. If Jason got caught not going to school anymore after, it meant he got caught for living alone, too. And for squatting in what was meant to be an abandoned apartment. Somehow the pressure still felt less, even though all of the consequences were so much more, because at least it was all on Jason's head.)

Then he tried to steal the Batmobile's tires. Nearly a week later he was living in the manor and needless to say things changed.

Jason didn't trust Bruce at first and Bruce didn't expect him to. For the first couple of months this meant locked doors that Jason wasn't entirely convinced would stay locked and- more than anything- stood in the way as a silent but loud declaration of Jason's expectations. I know you'll try to hurt me, it said, I'm not naïve and gullible. I'm ready to fight.

They respected the locks.

At some point during the evening, after dinner, Jason would slink away to the room he was given when he knew he could slip Bruce and Alfred's notice. Sometimes he would take food for his stash or other things he had marked earlier in the day or week to be hoarded when he could get away with it. Jason would lock the door and watch the handle over the top of whatever book he'd tucked under his shirt on his way through the library that day.

The handle never so much as wiggled.

Which isn't to say that they didn't come to get him from his room. Alfred would knock in the mornings to tell him to come down for breakfast, Bruce would come to the door infrequently for one thing or another that boiled down, mostly, to conversation. Sometimes just checking in. But he never came through the door until, months and months later, Jason voluntarily stepped aside to invite him in. Jason can't remember what for. Something inconsequential. Related to a book or school work, maybe. The thing was never the point; it was always about seeing what Bruce would do.

In the midst of Jason's flightiness with privacy and wary regard of his newest living arrangement, Alfred and Bruce both dodged around his territoriality in an interest not to invade that singular space but… to press upon him a bunch of new and entirely pointless rules. Both of them would nag at him about brushing his teeth and remind him to change into comfy clothes to sleep. In the event that he didn't they would always seem to know- the words "good sleep hygiene" floated around the manor gently but pointedly.

Passive aggressively, he thought.

Jason hated it. He'd been taking care of himself- (and his mom!)- for years! Having all of his meals made for him and his laundry done was one thing, it was Alf's job, but Jason didn't need help putting himself to sleep of all things. It was ridiculous. It was some controlling bullshit for the sake of it, and he said as much.

(And, well, if they got mad at him for it maybe that would just speed up the process of them realizing that they couldn't handle him. He was not a good boy. Not like Dick.)

They didn't get mad. Instead they just shared this infuriating look that said this kid and suggested, like he was made of glass, "why don't we try it and see if you like it."

Jason said "bet."

And so came the bedtime routine era. Alfred and Bruce threw themselves into it whole-heartedly, which Jason somehow hadn't expected. Like clockwork, come nine o'clock on no-patrol nights, Alfred and Bruce would herd him upstairs to brush his teeth and put on the appropriate clothes- ("inappropriate" being anything pulled out of his hamper or picked off of his "not freshly clean but not dirty" chair, or jeans or workout gear, even if said workout gear was comfortable)- and by the time that he made it to his room the curtains would be drawn and all of the lights aside from the one on the bedside table would be off. Later down the line there would be a book left out for him; whichever one he was reading at the time or a handful of suggestions to pick from. Jason had from the time he made it to his room until ten to read, at which point Alfred or Bruce would cruise by his bedroom door and, if the light was still on, gently knock and say- "Lights off, Master Jason," or "Bedtime, Jay."

For a while Jason assumed it was all Alfred, just signed off on by Bruce with minimal actual involvement, but one night he walked into his room to find Bruce sitting in the chair beside his bed with a small stack of paperbacks in his lap and one cracked open to a page near the middle. "Oh, I didn't realize I was taking so long," he said, voice as even as ever but the smallest little tells in his face and the way that he moved betraying that he was embarrassed. Jason was floored.

The routine didn't stop on nights they patrolled, just included a nap earlier in the day and a were you hurt pat-down before Jason was sent off to shower off the sweat and Gotham grime. Usually Jason would be too tired by the time he made it to bed to read, but he was allowed half an hour on these nights if he really wanted to. Nothing else changed.

The first time Jason was really hurt as Robin it wasn't really cool. (Honestly there were only a few times that he was hurt and it was cool, a truly fractional amount of the total and, despite the point those statistics make and how often Bruce tried to point that out, Jason was always a little disappointed that he "wasn't even hurt doing something cool.") He'd been trying to do Dick's quadruple somersault and fell off a building in the process- which was fine, because he caught the fire escape. "Caught" may be generous, given that he yanked his arm out of his socket and then tumbled down another floor before abruptly stopping himself with face-to-bar contact.

It was a small miracle- Alfred had said- that Jason walked away with only a dislocation and some scrapes for his trouble. Dick probably would've echoed the sentiment, as he did with all of Alf's medical advice, but between his most recent spat with Bruce and Jason's reluctance to tell him what he was doing, Dick never got the opportunity.

Jason probably should've had a concussion, but he likes to think it was a testament to his hard head that he didn't.

(He remembers his mother- he remembers Catherine- affectionately tending to small head wounds, cuts from shattered beer bottles or burst skin from hard knuckles, commenting on how sturdy he is to- Jason thinks now- break the tension. Jason's not sure he agrees with how those words only encouraged him to get himself hurt more- maybe he might hold it against her, if she were still alive- but in her death he holds that tenderness as a fond memory.)

He still had a headache, still hurt, but his lack of concussion meant that bedtime would proceed as scheduled. And, in fact, he wasn't expected to be at school in the morning so rest was heavily encouraged to the fullest extent. Granted, he still set his alarm for the same time and fully planned to get to school in the morning- it was just a matter of when he could get Bruce and Alfred to cave and let him. A half day was better than not going at all and his favorite classes were later in the day anyway.

Reading made his head hurt worse, so Jason had been staring up at the ceiling when the door cracked open. Despite himself, and despite the months and months he'd been comfortable in the manor, he went rigid. Because this intrusion was new. Bruce froze, too, when they made eye-contact. They were locked into stagnation until Jason managed to croak- "Are you here to tuck me in?" Joking, threatening, investigating. Take your pick.

Bruce hmmed. Somehow, in the darkness without the suit, he looked uncomfortable. Or unsure. "You had a hard night," he finally said. Jason stared- somehow managed to make Bruce squirm without a word- then shuffled over to make space at the edge of the bed.

"I'm thirteen," he had said, ever petulant but anticipatory. "And I had fun."

"It's not supposed to be fun," Bruce reminded, but there was a smile in his voice that said he didn't really mean it. Jason scoffed. Bruce came to the edge of the bed and sat, reached out to softly touch the bump on Jason's head with his thumb. "Is tonight not a reading night?"

"Head," Jason murmured, closing his eyes. Bruce's touch was a lot like his mother's had been, a few years that felt like forever ago. The swell of emotion crippled his voice.

Bruce hmmed again, his hand shifted to Jason's good shoulder and Jason opened his eyes when Bruce's large shadow cast over him. He tilted his head to watch Bruce select a book from the small stack on his bedside table. "Would you like me to?" he asked.

Lip wobbling, voice not strong enough, Jason nodded.

#jason todd #this is very loosely edited and may change down the line #but it's sweet as it is #also jason comes from a place of not really trusting adults but bruce is a good dad god damn it

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the-alice-of-hearts · 3 years

Text

Kids Again Ch 4

He's always running with no one to keep warm

Two years she watched him run the rooftops and do his best to live up to the image that Bruce had, it wore heavy on him.

She saw him get more reckless, and hurt more often. It was like he was running in circles, he was trying so, so hard to be better. She couldn’t even tell if he knew that’s what he was doing. So she stayed in his head as much as she could, making sure that he didn’t die on her.

Marinette came to class with bags under her eyes. Her friends watched her up her coffee intake, she moved everyday like she knew something bad was going to happen. She got quieter, more clumsy. She would be there one moment and then in Gotham the next. Kim walked next to her, made sure he was ready to catch her. Alix went with Marinette any place the boys couldn’t. They watched over her; made sure that she didn’t get hurt.

“Mari?” Alix had asked her in a small voice one day, “when did you sleep last?”

The four of them were lying on her floor, working on homework like they always did. Kim and Nino looked over to see her response.

“What day is it today?” Marinette stalled for time, hoping that it hadn’t been too long. They got overprotective when she went too long with sleeping, and it wasn’t something she wanted to deal with today. Unfortunately it looked like they weren’t going to answer until she did. She sighed loudly, “I think I got a decent amount on thursday. Slept almost 5 hours before... waking up.”

Kim reached over to hug her, they all knew what was unsaid. She woke up in pain, scared, and hurting.”

Nino came closer as well, “Netté, today is wednesday.” He reached out and held her hands, “go to sleep. We will watch out for you. He usually naps before patrol anyways yeah?”

She rubbed her eyes, “yeah... he does… but we still have homework to finish.”

Alix grabbed the papers that Marinette was reaching for, “and we can finish our own work then help you with yours after you nap.”

Marinette bit her lip trying to stay alert enough to protest, “you’ll fail english without me.”

Kim laughed and tapped his fist on her head, “at the rate you’re going we’ll fail with you too. Please em gái, take a nap. Just a short one will do.” ((Vietnamese: little sister))

---

With that they convinced her to go lay down. The three of them looked at each other, Alix spoke up first, “what do we do if…”

“If he dies.” Nino picked up the train of thought, “I don’t know that we can do anything.”

“I swear to any of the gods listening, if he hurts her, I will kill him myself.” Kim looked at Mari. She was sleeping heavily, but he could see her start to toss and turn. “He’s already giving her nightmares.”

“All we can do is be steady for her. She needs us to be strong, so we will be. Alix, do you think your dad will let you stay here for a while?” Nino had started planning out all of this weeks ago.

Alix nodded, “yeah I think he’s about to go to an excavation site soon anyways. My brother would be glad to not have to look after me.”

“Good. Kim, can you run interference with the teachers? This is hard enough on her, we don’t need her to have extra stress on her plate.”

“Yeah I can take care of that.” Kim was still looking at her so he saw when she finally let out a sigh and settled down, “how do we make her sleep though?”

“I can help with that.” Sabine had climbed up to check in on then and heard the conversation taking place, “We have her with a therapist, and it will be easy enough to get her prescribed meds for her anxiety and to help her sleep. It’ll just be a matter of making sure she takes them.”

Nino nodded at her, “We can make sure she’s taking them in the morning. I have to take mine each morning and evening on a schedule as well as needed for worse times. I can help there.”

Sabine smiled at him, “thank you Nino, that would help a lot. Alix you can stay here as long as you want, but if it gets to be too much please let us know.” She took on a stern voice, “You shouldn’t have to bear this alone. None of you are to take on more than you can handle. I know you want to help her, but you’re all kids too. I’m not above banning you from the house if I think you are putting too much stress on yourselves.” She reached out to grasp Nino’s hand, “I mean it. I know you know very well what she is going through, but your mom and I have a deal.”

Nino smiled back, “yes ma’am. I promise.”

Sabine stood up from where she had sat near them, “With that settled, who wants to help me bring up some food for everyone. You all should eat, and Marinette will need to eat when she wakes up.”

Kim offered to go help her. After they left Nino turned to Alix, “you have to make sure she’s taking her meds at night. She won’t want to, and she will try to hide it. But you have always known us better than we know ourselves. You have to make sure she takes them.”

Alix nodded at him grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze, “You know I will. Found family, right?”

“Found family.” he repeated the vow.

---

Marinette stopped talking one day. She was getting sleep, but she still wasn’t in Paris enough. So she stopped talking. If she didn’t say anything then people noticed less when she left in the middle of a conversation.

No one else at school noticed. Well no one but Chloé, but even she knew that this was off limits for teasing. Chloé may have become a bitch to Marinette for no known reason, but she knew the limits on what was too far.

Mariette went silent so Kim got louder. The three hoped that if the teachers were focused on him being a clown that they wouldn’t notice Marinette not participating in class. Kim and Alix started a ‘rivalry’, making sure that any eyes that might stray to Marinette would land back on them. Nino had Marinette sit next to him so he could take notes for her, and nudge her if a teacher was looking at her. He also had the worst job, making her actually take her anxiety meds. Alix and Kim played distraction, Nino played mother hen.

Marinette from a year ago would still have complained. She would have reminded them that she was a big girl and she could take care of herself. This wasn’t Marinette from a year ago, this was their best friend so scared for her soulmate’s life that she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

---

Then something unexpected happened.

Marinette spoke up during their study session unprompted for the first time in weeks, “He’s not Robin anymore.”

Alix sharply looked up from where they had been laying, “What?”

They all hesitated waiting for Marinette to continue, “Bruce saw his stitches, he... well he blamed Jason.” She scoffed at the thought, “like the asshole didn’t drive him into his recklessness.”

“Netté, what happens now?” Nino was always the first one to speak up.

“Bruce said that he was wrong, that he shouldn’t have trusted Jason as Robin. He ran away. He’s stronger now, so being on the streets isn’t as dangerous. But he’s back out there. He went to one of his old hideouts. I don’t know what he’s doing next…” she trailed off and they all waited for her next thought.

The boys had both moved closer, Alix was still laying on their back looking up at Marinette. They all knew that when her thinking face came out they needed to wait for her to speak up.

She took a deep breath, “I need you guys to help me get him here. I know it’s a lot to ask, and I totally understand if you can’t help me, but it’s just-“

“How are we going to do that?” Kim asked her, cutting her off. They were all willing to do whatever it took to make Marinette smile again.

She stared at him for a moment, her mouth in a perfect O, “you’ll really help?”

Alix nudged her leg, “found family right?”

Marinette smiled at that, “yeah, found family.”

She laid out her plan. It would take them all because it involved smuggling Marinette to Gotham, and her parents would notice if she started acting unusually in front of them.

It only took a week to get things together. Alix had convinced their dad that they were looking into a historical artefact in class and wanted to prove their teacher wrong so they needed to go to America with Marinette as a witness. He bought the story easily, believing Alix when they told him they needed to take Marinette specifically because she knew the city better. Reminding him that her soulmate grew up there. So with two plane tickets the plan was finally in motion. Kim had been bringing his gym bag empty to the group study sessions so that Mari could pack clothes in it. Nino had a suitcase that he had smuggled out when his parents weren’t home. All of it was slowly collected at Alix’s house. Since their dad was still out of town they only had to drop home to take care of their plants, so it made it a really easy place to keep things.

Then it took another week for their departure date. For the entire two weeks Marinette had been so focused on going to Gotham that she didn’t notice that Jason had been blocking her. Later she would know that he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

They were at school the day before they would be on their way to Gotham when Mari checked in on Jason, making sure that she could find him. Hoping that he was in a place that she would easily be able to find him. He wasn’t. He wasn’t even in Gotham. He was in a desert, with a woman. She looked a little like Jason, but his mom had died… and this wasn’t Catherine.

Marinette looked up at Kim with fear in her eyes, “Something is wrong.” she said it quietly. With Alix’s hearing, Kim’s ability to read lips, and Nino sitting next to her it was easy to be sure that they all knew something was happening.

Kim acted fast, shooting a rubber band at Chloé made her stand up and start yelling. That provided enough distraction for Alix to get over to Marinette’s other side. With Nino and Alix surrounding her, and Kim playing distraction she was able to completely follow Jason. It wasn’t good, he was with the woman. He called her mom, guess that explained why he wasn’t in Gotham. When Joker appeared Marinette gasped.

_____________________________________

She was loud enough that Rose and Juleka looked over at her. Alix shielded Marinette’s body as much as they could, trying to make sure that no one could see her face. The terror on it shouldn’t be seen by anyone else. They took care of each other, and Marinette would be mortified if she found out someone else knew what she was going through. But not even with the combined efforts of all three of their strengths could they keep the attention off of her when the screaming started.

It was like listening to a horror movie. Marinette’s screams ripped through the classroom. If you asked anyone to describe it they would tell you it was like being in a room that was filled with terror.

“Everyone get out!!” Chloé yelled loudly. Alix looked up at her in surprise, not expecting Chloé of all people to help. Between Chloé and Kim they got the classroom cleared in less than a minute. “I’m gonna stand outside the door so no one comes in. Just, take care of her yeah?” with that she walked out of the room and closed the door. They could see her shadow still there. True to her word no one came in the classroom. Unfortunately everyone in their hall could hear the screams.

“Netté, please. You have to listen to my voice. You have to come back, come back to Paris. You don’t want to see this. Please come back to us.” Alix finally clued back into Nino’s voice. He was trying to get her to come back, but it didn’t seem to be working.

____________________________

Marinette wasn’t listening to Nino, she was caught in this moment. Watching Joker beat Jason, his blood spilling out on the floor. Then something happened that opened everything. Her mother had once told her that some soulmates could talk to each other in times of crisis, and this would count as one.

She could hear Jason’s voice, ‘please let me pass out, please let me pass out, she doesn’t deserve to see this, please whatever deity might be listening let me pass out!’

Then she heard others in the link, ‘Jay bird! Please tell me you’re there! Little wing I’m trying to get there faster, but you have to wake up. There’s a bomb, you have to get up. Jay you have to get up now! You have to go to the door.’

“Jason please! Please wake up. We need you, we need you to wake up. I need you!” Marinette didn’t realise she had spoken out loud, but she would feel that her friends were all holding her.

‘You don’t really know me, but please live for us. We all need to meet you one day.’

“Jason you have to get to the door.” She was sobbing now.

‘Jay, wake up!’

He started moving, crawling towards the door. For a moment she had hope that he would make it. She could feel everyone pleading with the gods to just get him out of there alive. Then he tried the door, it was locked. He didn’t have enough strength or time to get out of there, ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never got to love you Marinette.’

If she hadn’t already been in Kim’s lap she would have fallen to the ground. All the energy in her body was gone. It was like a huge chunk of her had been ripped out.

“Mari, can you hear us?” she heard Alix’s soft voice.

“Netté, we need you to talk to us.”

Her sobs had turned into a hysterical laugh, “he’s dead!” She looked at Nino, still crying but becoming worse by the moment, “the fucking clown killed him!”

Kim was running his hands through Marinette’s hair, all three of them waited for her to break back down. They had gone through it with Nino, they would be just as steady for Mari.

After her laughing turned back to sobs Kim wrapped his arms around her again. Holding her tight, “we’re here for you em gái. We’re here.”

“He’s dead… Jay’s dead…” she sniffled turning to press her face into Kim’s chest, “and his last thought was of me.”

Nino and Alix had moved in and were hugging her now too. “Netté, I promise, it gets easier.”

#maribat #jasonette #soulmates #Kids again fic

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catxsnow · 4 years

Text

THOMAS WAYNE B.W.

Request: Hi love, I was wondering if you can do a batmom imagine where both her and Bruce have a child together but they have selective mutism where they only talk to Bruce, batmom and Alfred.

Warning: I didn’t really know what I was doing, fluff, LMAO Jason’s death

A/N: I was really winging it with this one I hope it sufficed for you!

GIF not mine

Word count: 2.8k

You and Bruce had been together a long time. Long enough that you had to cry by his side when Jason died. Long enough to help get through the pain of losing him and having Tim fill a void that he couldn't replace. Long enough that you knew the Batman possibly more than he knew himself.

Bruce loved you, he did for a long time. It wasn't until Dick had moved on from Robin did he realize how much he relied on you. Batman without Robin was dangerous, but Bruce Wayne without (Y/N) (L/N)? That would have been even worse.

Life with him was far from perfect but you had found perfection within each day and that was all that matter. No matter how many times you or Alfred had to stitch him up or lecture him for being so reckless, all that mattered was that you got to fall asleep next to him every night. As long as you were safe in his arms, that was all that he cared about.

After years of dating, you had gotten pregnant. It had totally been an accident, but the second that Bruce saw his son's face, he knew that he wouldn't trade it for the world. You had named your son Thomas, after his father. Bruce had nearly cried when you offered the name.

Thomas Wayne had been the exact kind of child that you expected. He loved his father, and he loved his older brothers. Dick was barely out of being Robin when Thomas was born. He was the only reason that Dick willing came back to the manor - and to visit you as well. He was the exact kind of older brother that you wanted for your kid.

Jason on the other hand... you didn't trust Thomas with him without you there as well. He was there for a lot of big moments with Thomas - walking, learning how to talk, potty training. Jason had surprisingly been willing to help - but also was wanting to put your son in less than ideal situations.

The batcave was their favourite place to hide away from you. Jason would show your son all those cool tricks he could do and half the time he would get so distracted he wouldn't notice Thomas walk off and try to grab something sharp and dangerous. It didn't matter, Jason quickly became his favourite and would nearly chat his ear off.

It was when Jason had died did things really change.

Bruce had lost himself. He became violent as Batman, more willing to teeter of his line of morality. He was a changed person, and if it wasn't for you he didn't know how badly he would have ended up. You worried about your lover, a lot. Nothing you did seem to be able to help him over come Jason's death.

It didn't just affect him, it had affect your son as well. Thomas had gone quiet, very quiet for any five year old. It worried you and Bruce. Jason's death had devastated him to a point that you didn't think he would ever be able to go back to his old self. He would talk to you and Bruce just like he always had, Alfred too. But anyone else that came near him? Silence.

You were sure that Thomas had become petrified that if he came close to someone again that he would lose them. Even Dick, the only other person he had known his whole life had been excluded from his life. You felt terrible for your oldest son - you didn't wish it to be this way. No one had.

When Tim came around, you thought things might change. Bruce was slowly becoming his old self again, though he was still haunted by the nightmares of Jason. He was turning back into the man that you fell in love with, the man that would spoil you and call you beautiful, even when you didn't feel like it.

Thomas still remained mute around Tim. He didn't seem to hate the older boy, but he was nervous around him. Tim didn't take this personally, he knew that trauma could look like many forms. He tried his best to make Thomas comfortable around him, while it seemed to make a difference, your son still wasn't the lively child he once was.

You and Bruce truly appreciated Tim for putting in so much effort with him. Sometimes, it felt like neither of you could ever get through to him - Tim was able to do that. You had taken Thomas to therapy, counselling, anything to try and get him to talk about his feelings - everyone you went to he wouldn't say word.

It was when Damian came around did you start to have problems. Damian was the blood son of Bruce, not you. Damian was barely older than Thomas meaning that you and Bruce had still been dating when he was born. You had known about what Talia had done to Bruce, the influence that she had put him under.

The second that it had happened, he had told you. You were mad at first, of course - some other woman had sex with your boyfriend how couldn't you be? It took you a while to understand that he didn't have a choice in the matter. Bruce had been drugged, this wasn't his fault, it was hers.

You detested Damian when he first arrived. He was a reminder of his mother, someone that you despised. Damian felt the same way towards you - just because you were dating his father didn't mean that you needed to pretend that you were his mother as well. He already had one of those, he didn't need another.

Thomas seemed to get angered with Damian quite easily. Damian would tease your son, he didn't understand why he didn't talk. It wasn't something that he had seen before. Not to mention that his people skills were already terrible from being in the League his whole life.

So, when Thomas came running into your room with tears streaming down his face, you had completely lost it with Damian. He was down in the cave with Bruce when you went storming down there. Your face had been tinged red with anger and you couldn't control yourself from losing your shit with the 'blood son'.

Bruce had never seen you this angry. The threats, the pure rage that you had against this little boy that had no right to just show up here and think that he owns the place. You were furious at him for teasing your son for being a mute. Bruce had tried to step in, unsure of what was going on with you but the second that he saw your glare towards him, he knew not to get in your way.

Damian had been through a lot in his short twelve years of life. But seeing you, the girlfriend of Batman, hold him up by the collar of his suit and threaten that if he ever made fun of Thomas ever again it would be the end of him? That made him a little nervous. He had gained a respect for you that day.

He also never bothered Thomas ever again.

"Clark is bringing his son over today" Bruce told you. The two of you were laying in bed. He was laying on his back looking up at the roof while you rested against his chest. You absentmindedly traced the scars engraved on his body. "He's the same age as Thomas and Damian, maybe they can get along."

You scoffed at the idea of Damian getting along with anyone his age. "Okay, maybe Thomas and Jon will get along," Bruce changed his statement. You wanted what was best for your son, maybe a little bit of Kent mentality would help him. He always liked Superman, it had been a while since he was able to visit.

"Dick said he was coming by today, too," you tilted your head up to look at Bruce. "I think he misses me."

"I don't blame him," Bruce pecked your lips. You wished to kiss him for longer, but a loud crash from downstairs pulled you back. Bruce sighed, it was rare that you ever got to spend mornings together like this, something seemed to always ruin it. "I'm going to guess that Dick got here early."

You sighed, but agreed with his assumption. The two of you quickly got out of bed and dressed for the day to see what the hell was going on in your home. The second that you stepped foot down stairs, you couldn't help but let a smile work its way onto your face. Thomas and Dick were both to make breakfast.

"What are my two lovely boys doing this morning?" You asked. Dick nudged Thomas and jutted his head towards the coffee mug on the counter. He grabbed the mug and brought it over to you with a grin on his face. "Morning, baby." You kissed the top of his head and grabbed the hot coffee.

"I wanted to surprise you and dad, and Dick offered to help," Thomas explained to you in a low voice. He was still weary of talking around Dick, but had come a far way from what he used to be like. You looked between the two of them, Dick's cooking skill were less trusted than your trust in Thomas' - both of which were less than good.

"Thank you, Tommy," You smiled once more at him. "Your father is on his way down, should we get coffee for him too?" Thomas nodded his head and nearly dragged you over to where you kept the mugs. While he poured another coffee, you turned to Dick.

You happily accepted his open arms. "How's my other boy?" you asked him as you pulled away. After being such an important figure in Dick's life for so long, he was always happy to call you his mother.

"Good," Dick responded. Bruce had joined you downstairs and Thomas had much the same reaction with him as he did you. "He's coming along. I remember when he wouldn't even say a word if someone else was in the room other than you and Bruce."

"I'm proud of him," you agreed. "What I'm wondering, is how Alfred let you into the kitchen after last time." Dick laughed at you accusation - but it was true. He had to very persuasively convince Alfred to let the two of them cook you breakfast. "Your bacon's burning," you patted his chest, cutting off his laughing.

You had lots of struggles with Thomas as he grew up. Going through school was difficult. The teachers would get frustrated at him and the kids would bully him. You were sure if he wasn't the son of Bruce Wayne that he would have gotten it a lot worse. As much as you hated the title of being the most famous wife in Gotham, you were glad that some good came out of it.

Thomas had trouble making friends and he rarely brought anyone home to play with. It hurt you and Bruce to see your son so upset sometimes because of how different he was. For a while. Bruce considered training Thomas into being Robin - maybe it would help him gain confidence. However, the second that you brought up the idea to your son, he had shut it down.

You wanted what was best for him, and after all these years neither of you were sure what that was going to be.

If Bruce was any other man, Thomas would have been far to grown for him to be carried around. However, both of your favourite men came towards you with your son latched onto Bruce's hip. "Did you hear who's coming over today?" You asked Thomas, who shook his head. "Clark and his son, Jon."

Thomas looked more excited than you had seen him be in a while. Bruce set him down so that he could go finish helping Dick make you a... delicious breakfast, hopefully. You cuddled into Bruce's side, watching the two boys that you raised work together. The second you looked up at him, he kissed you.

In the corner of your eye, you could see that Dick was blocking Thomas' eyes so he wouldn't have to see you kiss. You giggled at the two of them.

Thomas may have struggled lots in his life, but he had a countless amount of people that were there to support him every step of the way. You and Bruce never once neglected your son because of his condition, it was a learning curve for you both but loving your son would always come first. You were sure Bruce loved him more than he ever loved you - not that you could blame him, Thomas had that affect on people.

Not long after you finished eating breakfast, which wasn't as bad as you or Bruce were expecting it to be, Clark and Jon arrived. Damian had joined you when you were seated in the dining room though didn't say much until you told him that the Kent's were coming over. Much like his father, he was wearing of the Kryptonians.

It had been years since you had seen Jon. He was still just a little toddler who couldn't say much and couldn't control his powers. Now, he was the same age as Damian and well surpassed him in height. Clark was friendly to you, as per usual. When he looked over at Thomas, he was astonished by just how much he had grown since the last time.

"You've gotten so big," Clark exclaimed. He knelt down on one knee to be eye level with Thomas. Although your son liked Clark, he still refused to speak to him. Instead, he let out a beautiful smile and then scurried back over to you to whisper into your ear.

"Tommy says it's nice to see you again. And that he's been drinking lots of milk so that he can get just as big and strong as you," you relayed his words. Thomas tugged your sleeve down again, correcting your statement. "Oh, sorry, hun. He says he going to get bigger and stronger than you."

Clark laughed and ruffled Thomas's hair. Jon, nearly skidded on the floor as he rushed over to Thomas. "Hi! I'm Jon," he stuck his hand out to shake Thomas', to which he did. "Dad says that me and you are going to be great friends."

Thomas nodded at Jon. He held a single finger up to him as if to tell him to just wait a moment. This time, he ran over to Bruce and got him to crouch down to hearing level. He nodded along as words were whispered to him and then straightened back up again when Thomas ran back to Jon.

"Thomas would like to know if you and Damian would like to join him for ice cream this afternoon," Bruce looked over at Jon. Before arriving, Clark had told his son that Thomas was a little different from the rest of the kids as school, but he was still a good heart-ed soul.

"TT, I suppose," Damian answered, crossing his arms. He didn't look to excited to be going but you also knew him well enough that he was quite fond of the frozen treat.

"I'd love to!" Jon grinned. Thomas gestured for him to follow to where you assumed was his room. You looked over at Damian and jutted your head for him to follow as well. Reluctantly, he did. That left you, Bruce, Clark, and Dick together. Clark surely came over for business about the Justice League but you didn't bother to ask.

"You raised him well," Clark complimented you and Bruce. He didn't expect Batman to be such a loving father. Thomas needed that extra bit of love more than the other boys.

"Did we?" You asked. "I just want him to be happy, I feel like most of the time he isn't. We've gotten used to his muteness but a lot of the kids at school make fun of him for it. I worry about him."

"You're doing great, (Y/N)," Dick assured. He brought you into a side hug and kissed the top of your head. Even those you raised him for much of his life, now it seemed that he was the one that would parent you. "Thomas is a great kid, I don't think that anything is going to stop him from being happy when he's got you."

A series of laughs could be heard from upstairs. The harmony of noise brought a smile to your face. Even though you had your ups and downs raising your child in this hectic life, he was still turning out pretty okay.

Maybe you and Bruce didn't do so bad after all.

#batfam #batfam x reader #batfam imagine #batfam one shot #batmom #batmom!reader #batmom x batfamily #bruce wayne #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne one shot #bruce wayne x batmom #dc imagine #dc one shot #dc

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hotchley · 3 years

Text

the love he deserves

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Surprise! I wrote something! I have no idea what it is, but there's Hotch hating himself and thinking the team are too good for him and some comfort, so do with that what you will. I'm just glad I wrote something.... There's also no dialogue which is weird because I LOVE dialogue.

Anyways. I'll let you lot decide whether it makes sense.

Trigger Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, blood

read on ao3!

Aaron Hotchner does not care for his own life. He does not care what nettles sting him, or what knives find themselves a home in his back. He does not flinch when he is labelled cold or unfeeling, and he does not shed tears when words like barbed wire a spat in his face.

He is expendable.

And his life holds no value. Not to his team, who deserve so much more than a man broken by the very job he was supposed to show them had purpose, nor his son, who could probably hardly remember him and who deserved a parent that would not flinch every time they had to hold hands.

Aaron Hotchner's life is worthless to him. How can a life that had destroyed so many others ever mean anything? It was his fault that Elle almost died and it was his fault that Jason left. The blood of Haley Brooks- because no matter what the gravestone said, they had not been married, she did not love him- and of Kate Joyner and of Megan Kane were all on his hands. There were days where he believed it was a miracle that he did not walk around with a permanent red stain on his hands from where they had beaten George Foyet until they almost could not tell it was him.

He is a monster, dressed up in a suit, just like his father was. When he dies, no tears will be shed for him. His body will be lowered into the ground next to Haley, even though he won't deserve to be near her, not even then, and he will not be mourned. Derek will take his place. Jessica will take his son.

They will be fine. He knows this. When his son was sent into Witness Protection because there was a dangerous serial killer just waiting to get his hands on him, he came back completely undamaged. As though nothing had changed. When George Foyet turned him into a ghost that could barely hold a gun without shaking, Derek Morgan took over the team without faltering.

His father had once, and only once, said that Aaron was not his son. He was sixteen years old, angry at the world and desperately searching for a way out of his town that suffocated him more and more with every moment that passed. It was the only time he'd had the courage to fight back against his father, and he had ended up in the hospital. The excuse of falling down the stairs carrying the hoover was given.

But that comment did not make him feel ashamed of himself. It made him happy. Because if he was not his father's son, then he would not become him. He would not be like him, and he could pretend that there was a different future waiting for him.

Only there wasn't. Because he may not have been his father's son, but he was his mirror. And Haley had been so disappointed when Jack's hair had been blonde, his eyes more blue than brown, but Aaron had been relieved. When he died, so would the final piece of his father.

His father had not been a coward. He had carried on fighting through the lung cancer until his heart couldn't take it and he'd keeled over in his office, only found the next day by his secretary because his mother had stopped caring when her husband didn't come home. He had lost a part of him when the diagnosis came through- the part that loved Sean- but he had carried on because he needed to.

Aaron hadn't. He'd gotten reckless and lashed out at all the wrong people.

But then Haley died, and he had.

He'd carried on.

Not because he needed to. If anything, what he did was the opposite of what was needed. Jack needed a father, not a hero, but Hotch clung to the idea that what Jack wanted was a hero, if only so he could justify his return.

He carried on for the team. Because they were his team.

And Aaron Hotchner cares for his team. He would stop the tide from drowning them, save their eyes from all the horrors he could. He would hold their hands and remind them of their humanity by forcing them to focus as their hearts carried on racing, as their hands turned cold when they looked into the abyss.

To him, the team is indispensable.

They remind him to smile, force him to eat and they care. They care far too much about one dangerous and cracked man, who is currently walking a tightrope. Fall too far to the right and he will be sucked into the pool of loathing. Too far to the left and he becomes an unsub. Too far forward and he becomes his father. Backwards and he becomes the scared little boy again.

His team means everything to him. They have to. They are good and loyal people, that had grabbed him by the hand without fear and forced him from the ledge so many times without ever realising just how much strength that took. One day- and he always tells himself it will be soon, even though he knows it won't be- he will stop accepting the love they give him.

But until that day, he will cling to their goodness. Because the team- the only family he'd ever really had- changed the rainbow for him. He has no idea how to tell them, but they did, and he will never stop being grateful for that.

Emily Prentiss is the other side of his coin, far too stubborn but cursed with a mind that can't help but think of the switch within all of them that causes them to do terrible things. When he thought of red, he always remembered the blood on Elle's wall that never truly washed away. He still remembers that now, but he also remembers how beautiful Emily looks in her red tank top.

Penelope Garcia is beautiful, and her ability to never stop seeing the good is something he is terrified of destroying. But where orange had always been the colour of the fire he was told so many times he was going to burn in, it had slowly morphed into the colour of her favourite cardigan, that she always wore on the harder days and that smelt like vanilla and caramel.

Jennifer Jareau is everything he doesn't deserve but has somehow been given, because the two of them don't need words to speak and she somehow always knows what his silence means. Yellow had always been his mother's hair, held in place by clips she detested but wore so nobody suspected anything was wrong. It is now the golden pendant around her neck that shows just how much she trusts him.

Derek Morgan is what keeps him from going too far and getting lost in the forest of his head with no light to guide him out again. When they had met, green had been the colour of his mothers eyes, just as cold and unfeeling in death as they had been in life. Green was now the colour of Morgan's shirt, the one he had let Aaron borrow when Jack was sick on his and there were unavoidable meetings.

David Rossi is everything to Aaron: his mentor, the only father to show him love, the only person he trusts to put him back together on those rare occasions where he let himself fall apart. Blue was the colour of the walls in his childhood home's basement, the one place he knew he could and would never be safe. But it was also the colour of the jumper he was given for his birthday, back when he was drowning as Unit Chief because Gideon had left. That jumper always made him feel safe and untouchable.

Spencer Reid is a genius, forced to grow up far too quickly in a world that gave him nothing but took everything. Hotch had always associated purple with the bruises on his stomach and back, but now he associates it with Spencer's scarf, that smells like old books and whiteboard pens.

What Aaron doesn't know is that he has also helped save the team. They remember every time he put his career on the line for them, and they appreciate it more than words could ever say.

Emily knows she is trusted. Penelope knows how hard he fights for her. JJ knows he is doing his best to be a good father. Derek understands his fear, and reminds him it won't happen. David holds the same pride in his chest for Aaron that everyone who loves a child does. Spencer finally understands what a parent is meant to do.

Although Aaron Hotchner does not care for his life, his team does. They know he doesn't think they do, but the love they have for is pure and innocent. It is real and true, and they will die before someone takes it from them.

One day, they will convince him that the love they show him is no less than what he deserves. One day. It's all they want. And to want is a beautiful thing to do because it gives them hope that a better future lays ahead for all of them. But all they wish for from the future is that Aaron Hotchner accepts their love, not because he is afraid of it leaving, but because he knows that it is what he deserves.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #fanfiction #aaron hotchner #hotch #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #spencer reid #emily prentiss #david rossi #tw child abuse #tw blood #hurt aaron hotchner #sad aaron hotchner #hotch angst #hurt/comfort

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titusbias · 4 years

Text

Sometimes I think I would've liked to see John Blake as Robin in more than Nolan's movies. Maybe in a comic, because if Terry got his miniseries of comics after Batman Beyond animated series, then it isn't impossible. Maybe it can't happen because Christopher Nolan didn't have that in mind when he created John Blake, but guys, we can't deny the character has potential.

I mean, he found out by himself, like Tim, that Bruce was Batman. He admired the Dark Knight since he was a little kid and knowing that Bruce became what he became after the death of his parents, being John himself an orphan, motivated him. That's why he decided to be a policeman in the first place and then to make justice by his hands and quite the GCPD.

He believed in Bruce and everything that Batman represented even after the big scandal of Harvey Dent and bla bla bla, which for me is great. He went as far as to go to Wayne's manor to make Bruce wake up and face the world they were living. He's the one who pulled Bruce out of his shell after all those years.

«I figured it out too late. You got to learn to hide the anger, practice smiling in a mirror.

It's like putting on a mask»

Genius line, btw.

They don't show us too much about his past, but he had a hard childhood. Moving to a foster home till his foster parents get frustrated and sent him to an orphanage, all of this after his mother died in a car accident and his father got shot. He felt angry, but never understood. And when he met Bruce Wayne for the first time, he knew he was like him. That he understood. And that he was Batman.

In the movie this is not explain, but John said:

«Right when I saw you, I knew who you really were. I'd seen that look on your face before.

It's the same one I taught myself»

So leaves it to your own interpretation, pretty much the same Nolan does with all his movies. But still a genius line.

John actually cares about the children of Gotham, being a volunteer in his former orphanage and trying to support them in any way possible. He even knows all the names of the orphans and is happy when he learns that Bruce transformed the manor to be the Martha and Thomas Wayne home for children.

At first he is a loyal follower of the law, saying to Jim that he betrayed everything he stood for and showing himself disappointed with what Gordon did. But as the movie progresses, John begins to understand the point of view of the Commissioner, that sometimes you have to break the rules to catch the bad guys. The scene when he becomes aware that he just killed two people is underrated. Also, from the start of the film, we see that John is not exactly an obedient cop, often trying to do risky moves and things he considers necessary. He's reckless and his priorities are far away from the ones of his colleagues. He obeys his own rules.

So Blake leaves the GCPD the moment he realizes, in that bridge, that Batman is gone and Gotham has no one to protect it in a way the police couldn't. He takes the responsibility that Bruce left him.

«You know what you said about structures becoming shackles?

You were right, and I can't take it, the injustice»

That's a character development I enjoyed. Wtf all his lines are genius

John has a lot of things that makes me remember all the other Robins. These are a few I remember.

He's an orphan, like basically half the batfam.

John knew Batman's secret identity from the beginning, like Tim.

He's a person motivated by his past, the anger and the desire of justice. Like everyone.

John called out Bruce on his bullshit, like all his sons do.

He has black hair (???

He killed people, oof.

He looks hella good in a suit, the most important requirement to be a bat.

He often disagrees with the law.

John admired Bruce since he was a child and grow up trying to follow his path. Tim vibes.

Well, he gives all the vibes. With Dick, specially the cop part and the 'I love kids' thing, Jason and his anger when he was a teenager and ofc Tim, cause he trained his skills to achieve a goal. I can't think of things he has in common with Damian (?

Reasons I wanted more of John Blake:

Because his official name is Robin, that's freaking cool.

Bruce trusted him with his legacy.

His story is promising. DC get a whole plot from the 'Dick get shot' thing, I'm sure they can do anything.

He would be a refreshing character, like Terry.

We didn't get the chance to see his trajectory as Robin and that's something I will regret the rest of my life.

Idk I have curiosity of what sort of story it could become. One without a Batman and a new and inexpert Robin having bittersweet adventures. Saying that Bruce is really death or not going back, which could be another reason to make it a series.

Assuming that a comic about Nolan's universe would follow the original storyline. Like Batman Beyond.

Did I already said all his lines are epic af?

The last three draws kinda look like Nightwing symbol more than Batman's

Only reason I don't want more of John Blake:

Because Christopher Nolan ended it there and he's my lord (???

But then, I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt and all the characters he plays and John "Robin" Blake is no exception.

Yeah, I did this because I was rewatching the Dark Knight Rises and it suddenly came to my mind.

I wrote it in 5 minutes I don't even know

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thattimdrakeguy · 3 years

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Why, uh, do ppl hate Tim so much? I just fell down a hole of anti tim and I can’t find a..valid reason for the hate besides that fact tht hes rich and white?

From my experience it’s one of those things where Tim has antagonistic relationships with other Bat-Family members like Damian, Jason, and even partially Steph. So they just crap on Tim, because it’ll make their favs look better.

Like that’s genuinely been the main reason I see, and they use the fact he’s rich and white to make it seem like it’s a social justice thing, even though in the end it really isn’t.

I sort of rant for the rest of the post going in more detail, and mentioning things I’ve been shown, and why I think a lot of it is dumb, but basically it’s just people being petty and insecure, and being unable to handle things in any other way than childishly.

For some Jason fans I’ve seen them talk about how much they hate Tim because they replaced the poor kid with a rich kid, but I’m really freaking poor myself. Obviously I’m not homeless, but there was a time in my life where I slept on the floor, and later on after I did have a bed my bed room had a hole in the floor. But, they’re just looking too deep into stuff just to find a problem anywhere they can.

I’ve also seen some say Tim bullied his way into being Robin after the poor kid died. When 1) that isn’t even an accurate description of what happened and 2) they’re obviously just trying to word it the worst way possible, because they’re pretty freaking childish.

Damian fans try to make Tim and his fans out to be racist cause Tim doesn’t like Damian, when that’s actually because Damian got so close to killing Tim I’m pretty sure Tim actually did nearly die from bleeding out. I think also because Tim once said “what about his biology” when referring to Damian, when Tim wasn’t referring to his race, he was referring to how he’s related to criminals and Damian literally had his biology messed with to make him a fierce warrior and a good body for Ra’s.

Steph fans also try to make Tim and his fans out to be sexist. But their reasoning is really weak, because it’s literally just boiled down to Tim being mean to Steph sometimes, but it’s not like that’s cause of her gender for that to make sense. It’s because in context she is an untrained citizens constantly putting herself and potentially others in-danger without any training to feel safe with her constantly being out there. Plus she flirted with him so much to the point it made him uncomfortable and fit the literal definition of sexual harassment.

And they always do that thing where they gotta make their favs sound better, and Tim sound worse. Which admittedly Tim fans do the same thing, but I’m not really here to pick a side. I’m just here pointing out how freaking annoying fandoms can be, because ultimately I don’t really care what fandom does it. At the moment though I can confidently say, that other fandoms are doing it a lot more than Tim ones lately, because I’m in the Tim tags at least twice a day most days and I’ve barely seen it lately.

It’s kind of a thing to project a lot of stuff on the Tim fandom for the same faux-social-justice kind of jargon they try to do. When you see it from a view like mine, where I’m not on any side of any fandom, even if I am a Tim fan (cause I never really been into deep fandom stuff), it just comes off as hypocritical frankly.

(If you want to hear some dumb things some Tim fans do to even it up, they make him the most frail, emo, emotionally unstable kid ever sometimes. They can focus way too much on making him sympathetic (but even then, literally every fandom does that, but the Tim fandom always does it in a very notable depressing way). They also focus so much on coffee and practically act like he’s all pilled up on anti-depressants he just acts weird that it just seems obsessive and very out of character.)

Like as some examples they’ll bring up how Tim doesn’t trust Damian and put him on a list of potential threats. But Damian literally nearly caused Tim’s death, nearly caused it again in the same story, and at the end it’s shown that Damian isn’t on there because Tim considers him a villain, it’s because he has potential to be dangerous. Wonder Woman and Red Tornado are also on the same list.

To me, I just look at that story as ridiculous, because Damian isn’t dumb, and Tim literally spoke against contingency plan stuff before. Damian’s going to need more than to be on a vague list as a potential threat, especially when he’s visibly on the hero side of it. Damian’s not that thinned skin. He’s got a temper, and obviously really doesn’t like Tim, but even when he felt Tim was insulting him or being patronizing to him before he didn’t try to kill him then immediately. He tried to kill him because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do to earn his place beside his father.

The story’s just dumb in-general.

And then they pull out the New 52 story where Tim is just being a dick to Damian for no good reason, but it’s the same kind of thing. Tim was never that much of a dick without being provoked. The only time I think Tim started a fight was in Red Robin where he was on pills that messed with his mental state, and again had everyone out of character regardless. Because 1) Dick wouldn’t just give away Robin from Tim, because he knows better than that. 2) Damian acts like he’s happy his dad is dead and just acts like a generic child and not even like Damian. And 3) I legitimately can’t see Tim just hitting a kid, even Damian, unless a fight already breaks out.

For Steph fans they point out how Tim is passive aggressive to her, constantly doesn’t want her to be Spoiler, and yada yada. Probably because her Batgirl run portrayed that as being mentally scarring to Steph. Even though one of the panels they chose of Tim being upset and not wanting her to be Spoiler, was after Steph caused Tim to be disfigured and on the pills that messed with his mental state to begin with. Which inadvertedly just makes her look self-centered and narcissistic. But again, I don’t even consider that in-character, because 1) I don’t buy that Steph would listen to Batman especially when it puts Tim in danger, because she never gave a crap about what Batman said till they needed to villainize her before she died. 2) Steph can be arrogant and self-centered, she has it in her, but she wouldn’t ever be that self-centered, to the point she just looks narcissistic. 3) I’m pretty sure at the actual time it happened, Steph is shown being aware she messed up. 4) Steph never cared what others thought. She trespassed on other people’s property to party. She’s a very confident person the majority of the time. Batman tells her to knock it off, she might as well flip him the bird because she just finds him more annoying than anything else. It’s literally in her origin that she doesn’t even like Batman.

There’s also the context for in the 90s when Tim first started doing it. Steph was portrayed as a reckless citizen that could potentially get herself and others into harm because she didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have the highest morals. That’s not anything any of the bats would encourage. If Tim was extra passive aggressive, he’s a literal thirteen to fifteen year old boy during that time, no duh he’s going to be immature. That still isn’t a sexism thing. Steph may had saved him twice, but that wasn’t portrayed even in-story as a sign she can handle it like a pro. It was always portrayed as “thank goodness she was with Tim at that time, and knew where he was to save him”. Not to say she was completely unskilled, because I’m not taking that far, but just speaking in generalizations.

She was originally added into Robin to be a very specific foil to Tim, and be a general pain in his side. That was their dynamic. If that makes it seem weird that they eventually had them date then I agree.

And at the same time for both of their characters they also ignore what the character they’re trying to defend has done, because Damian literally nearly killed Tim. They act like Tim should just get over it, because Damian was a kid in a cult, but that explains why Damian did it, it doesn’t excuse it. When something like that happens the person who was nearly killed is probably going to be traumatized (rather or not Tim was can be argued, I’m not saying he was or wasn’t), and not ever trust the person. Like that is the natural and most accurate response for it.

It’s just villainizing for the sake of being petty.

With Steph they ignore the fact she essentially sexually harassed Tim all the time and straight up emotionally abused him for an arc. Which her fans hate to hear, but that is stuff that happened. It was written by her creator. I don’t really care if Tim took her costume away or kissed her first, because I’m aware, and I know the contexts, and it doesn’t take away from what she’s done, because that’s not how that works. They also ignore she caused Tim to be disfigured by saying she was just doing what Batman said. But at that point she was also an adult, and would know better.

Like Steph can be reckless, that’s part of her character, but she isn’t an idiot.

In the end, from what all I’ve seen, it’s literally just fandom pettiness. There’s a lot of fans out there that act childish, treat people like idiots, blatantly lie about things, or exaggerate stuff.

It’s all very dumb, but I find it hard to take serious, because if they can’t acknowledge what their own favs have actually done, it just comes across like they genuinely don’t like the character and can’t admit it. They prefer to stay in their candy land so they gaslit others instead.

For me it’s as easy as paying attention to the story, seeing the contexts, and a lot of the time it’s not even a thing that’s in-character for any of the characters involved, or at least the very least not nearly as serious as they treat it.

Especially for around the past 15 or more years or so. By then the care in making everything is crafted and makes sense went down the drain so it’s often that a story doesn’t even make sense to begin with.

They think fandom is about making everyone else look bad apparently, or at least they sure act like it.

Like it’s comics. I think the fandom in-general that gets so worked up over stuff needs to relax, deattach yourself to look at it from the grander view, and calm down over it. Because things aren’t always what they seem. People try to convince themselves of so much stuff, or bully others for so much stuff, and it’s all so petty and unhealthy.

My personal philosophy in the fandom to avoid any toxic behavior is to just keep it real. I don’t lie to myself, I give everything the same standard, I definitely don’t bully or gaslit anyone, I don’t treat my favorite like they’re a real dang person either, and I look at it all like how it is, fiction.

It’s the reason why I get upset at writing and not fictional characters. I don’t ultimately care when a character does a bad thing, unless it’s out of character. To me the only thing I get upset with is the writing, because it’s the only thing that’s real.

Don’t be obsessed, and keep the peace essentially.

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jasontoddiefor · 4 years

Text

Since I’m probably never gonna write it, take my self indulgent Age Swap Batman AU as in:

Bruce Wayne, 12, becomes the side kick to all of Gotham’s not yet unionized vigilantes.

It starts something like this: Gotham has many vigilantes, but all of them are useless because none of them are heroes and Bruce’s parents still died

And Gotham’s vigilantes aren’t organized, not really. They each stick to their part of the city, their particular kind of crime and they don’t communicate unless the Joker threatens to blow up Gotham again (and even then it’s a coin toss)

So Bruce decides he’ll become the hero. He makes himself a costume and sneaks out of the manor at night

Robin is the first one he runs into.

Dick Grayson clawed his way out of hell. He killed many, too many (first for the Court, then the Court) and being Robin is his way of repentance. He definitely doesn’t want a child out on the streets, but he doesn’t trust the other vigilantes

The Red Hood is more an anti-hero, really. Jason Todd survived, got the wrong (or the right) kind of attention and when Black Mask wasn’t looking, he snapped his neck and built up an empire. He kills, he hires kids and keeps them in school and off the streets. But when Bruce can’t be convinced to stay home and stay safe - well, people start talking. The Red Hood is kinder now. He starts using knives again instead of guns when he’s running with the small shadow

Barbara Gordon works for the police. She runs their database and she’s the one who tells Alfred what his charge is up to. She’s also the only Gotham vigilante who works with the Justice League because they have a code Oracle knows and feet she can rely on to walk when she can’t.

Tim Drake doesn’t put on tights, but the Drakes were long standing friends of the Waynes (he babysitted toddler Bruce in his teens!) and when WE starts doing shady business, he quickly inserts himself. And maybe he’s also the one who starts making weapons and armor for Gotham’s vigilantes.

Stephanie Brown starts when Cluemaster got out of control, but she didn’t stop when he did. Steph is full of rage, she has a temper and she teaches the little black bat how to use this anger.

Duke Thomas is not a vigilante per choice so much as a defense. His parents died to protect him from a mad man and to keep him a secret. So he does the same. There are more metas in Gotham than most people know. Duke keeps them safe and a secret.

Cassandra Cain and Damian al Ghul are a package deal. Damian has always had a soft spot for strays and Cassandra had wanted a home and a brother was a good bonus. She’s also the only one who didn’t hesitate when Bruce (15 then, calling most of the others “Uncle” or “Aunt” already, having created a family) comes asking for training. She has met him once already, after all, when he was a baby.

Damian al Ghul is the last to make himself at home in Gotham. He arrives without his family’s fighters, angry and full of rage because he gave his son away to his half-brother so he’d be safe. And he nearly died because of these vigilantes’ reckless. So he wants to take Bruce away.

And Bruce really isn’t on board with that. Gotham is his home and some random guy (“He’s the second in command of the League of Assassins.” “Yeah, I really don’t care, Uncle Tim.”) can’t change that.

Other relevant stuff is that Dick, Alfred and Damian get into a more subtle (in Alfred’s case) and more extravagant “I’m Bruce’s father” battle

Duke wins by being the cool fun uncle with neat powers

Jason has a freak out the first time he patrols with Bruce because “oh gosh I can’t take out a gun in front of a traumatized kid”

Steph, Tim and Babs are the first three to actually really work together not just for Bruce’s sake but because they’re better together

Dick and Jason take the longest because Dick has a very strict “no-kill” rule and Jason doesn’t

They create a Bat-Cave as a safe place supervised space for Bruce to train in but after a while everyone starts hanging out there

They do holidays at the manor

Jason picks Bruce up at school once with his bike because other kids bully him. They don’t after this.

Bruce and Cass dance together a lot! He didn’t have his growth spurt yet when they meet so they’re about the same height

#dc #batfam #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #stephanie brown #barbara gordon #duke thomas #cassandra cain #writing inspiration: dc

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jasontoddshoe · 4 years

Text

Strictly Business // Jason Todd

Chapter 7 - Aftermath

Warnings: Language, mentions of death, grieving

Master List

6 years ago

It’d been a week since you left San Francisco. Your first mission was to find Vanessa as soon as your feet hit the ground in Gotham. Getting a last minute flight back home was easier than you’d thought it would be. You didn’t care youd left most of your stuff in titans tower, you figured it’d get mailed back to you, or Jason would take it. Like you expected it showed up at your door a few days later.

You stormed through the hallway of Gotham academy, a place you hadn’t been back to despite school having started again a few days prior. Good acting skills got Selina to let you stay home from ‘sickness’. Eventually the sadness you felt from Jason’s infidelity turned into anger toward Vanessa. It’s not like she was clueless as to Jason being taken, she was a good friend of yours after all.

You noticed her a few feet in front of you, so you sped up your pace. You grabbed her backpack and dragged her into a nearby storage closet. You roughly tossed her inside before shutting and locking the door.

“How the fuck could you do that to me?” You asked sharply, turning around and shoving her shoulder. Her eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at you, as she’d fallen from your shove.

“(Y/n) what are you talking about?” She asked, squeezing the shoulder that you’d pushed.

“You slept with my boyfriend! What do you mean what am I talking about?” You snapped, your eyes holding a sharp glare down at her as her eyes widened.

“I’ve never even been alone with Jason (y/n)!” She stated. “I never slept with him”

“Does Chase know?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. She stood up to her feet, taking a step back from you who was clearly enraged.

“No, because it never happened!” She exclaimed exasperatedly, watching as your jaw clenched.

“Drop the fucking act Vanessa! Jason told me you slept with him!” You barked, taking a step toward you. She instinctively took another step back.

“I don’t know why he’d do that because I swear to you (y/n) I haven’t gone anywhere near him” she shakily said, eyes holding a slight fear toward you. You looked like you were about to beat the shit out of her. “(Y/n) I promise you, I’m being completely honest right now. I have never, ever done anything with Jason, nor do I ever plan to”

“Then why did he tell me you’d had sex?” You asked roughly.

“I have no idea!” She answered. You stared at her for a little bit, seeing genuine confusion on her expression about the whole situation. Your demeanor softened, unclenching your jaw and letting your arms fall to your sides. “(Y/n) I’m sorry”

“No, I’m sorry for throwing you in a storage closet and being a bitch. Now I’m just confused” you admitted, shaking your head as tears started to form in your eyes. “I need to go talk to Jason” you mumbled before walking out of the storage closet quickly.

**********

After a few train rides and bus stops later, you found yourself at the door to Wayne manor. At this point you didn’t even care if it was Bruce who answered the door, you just needed to talk to Jason. You knocked on the door quickly, glancing around at the scenery while waiting. The manor seemed darker than normal, like a cloud was looming over it. A few minutes later, the door popped open revealing Alfred.

“I need to talk to Jason” you blurted, relieved to see the older man. Instantly you could see Alfred clam up slightly. He glanced at the ground before looking back up at you.

“Miss (Y/n), I’m so sorry” he mumbled, making you furrow your eyebrows at him slightly. You had a bad feeling in your gut as he opened his mouth to speak again, and when he did, your world shattered. “Master Jason died. Two nights ago” he informed you, having to fight back his own tears.

You had no willpower left to hold back your own as you burst out into a sob. “W-What?” You choked out, twats already wildly streaming down your face. “No, no he can’t be”

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this” Alfred said sadly, letting you walk forward and hug him tightly.

“What even happened?” You asked after a few moments of just crying your heart out into Alfred’s suitcoat.

“He’d been getting more reckless since he returned from California, and one night he decided to go after the Joker. Bruce didn’t make it to him in time” he explained quietly. Another loud sob wracked your body, shoulders shaking from your intense cries.

“This is all my fault” you mumbled. “I-I broke things off with him, and he got reckless after that. If I would’ve just listened to him, he’d still be here”

“Miss (Y/n) you can’t blame yourself for this. This is entirely the Joker’s fault” he stated, rubbing your back soothingly. “Jason left something for you, I found it sitting on his desk yesterday morning” he commented. You pulled away from him so he could grab what he was talking about.

Alfred turned and grabbed something off of the table by the door. He turned back around and gave you a sad smile as he held it out for you. Jason’s worn copy of his favorite book with an envelope slightly sticking out the top.

“It’s addressed to you, miss (y/n)” Alfred stated, watching as your eyes scanned the book.

“Thank you, Alfred” your voice was quiet and gravelly as you looked up at the man. “Um, I think I’ll go now, I’m sorry for your loss” your voice cracked at the common phrase people said to those hurting from a loss. You couldn’t believe he was gone, you lost him.

“My apologies to you as well miss (y/n)” he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Please Alfred, there’s no need for the formalities” you have him a weak smile before turning to go home. Your tears never stopped, prompting many caring strangers to ask if you were ok on your walk home.

As soon as you made it into your bedroom, successfully sneaking past Selina, you broke down. You fell to your knees as violent sobs wracked your body. You placed your hands over your face and cried loudly into them, no longer being able to control your physical reactions.

“Jason!” You called longingly, hoping, somehow, he’d hear you. You cried like that for hours. Eventually, after letting you cry it out for a little bit, Selina came into your room and you told her everything. It was nice to have a little bit of comfort from her, as she’d been sort of like a mom since she took you in.

When you were finally alone again, you glanced over to the copy of Fahrenheit 451 that sat on your nightstand. The amount of memories of Jason from that book alone flooded your mind and made your eyes well with tears once again. Your eyes were already raw from crying so much at this point, but you didn’t care.

You picked up the book, which had clearly been showed a lot of love over the years. You smiled slightly, the most recent thought of the book coming into your mind. Jason seemed perfectly content on that flight to San Francisco, your chest ached at the thought of everything that happened after that flight which in turn lead to his death. You shook it out of your head, wiping your eyes before cracking open the cover. Your fingers toyed with the white envelope inside, pulling it out and reading it over.

Alfred was right, it was in fact addressed to you. The wasn’t exactly an address on it, the front of it only said “For (Y/n), my one and only.” You squeezed you eyes shut to try and keep a few stray tears from falling before opening the envelope.

“Hey Doll, it’s Jason.

I know I’m probably the very last person that you wanna talk to right now and I understand that, which is why I’m sitting down to write this instead I guess.

I just wanna start off by saying that I am a goddamn idiot, and you definitely deserve better than me. Hell, look what I did to you. I broke your heart, and I didn’t even mean to. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I can tell you it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

I have never, ever, had sex with Vanessa. I would never even dream of it doll. Sorry, force of habit to call you that, I know you don’t want me to anymore. I don’t know why I said that I did, I guess I just wanted to make you mad.

In hindsight I see that the reason I got upset was stupid, and you were completely right. It was just Gar, in dog form, being a dog. I was angry at the time and I guess I just wanted you to see how I felt, but I went about it in a stupid way. It’s completely my fault and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for breaking your heart and probably losing your trust. Hell, probably making you lose trust in everyone else too. I fucked up, I fucked with your heart and I’m sorry.

I mean it when I say you’re the only one for me. I know I say it a lot so you probably just pass it off as one of those things I do, but every time I say it, I mean it completely. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, you’re perfect (y/n).

Not just because of that amazing body you have (sorry, I had to say it), but everything about you. Your kind heart who always put others before yourself, you’re genuinely one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, how you can keep up with me in that banter thing we do so easily, the fact you’re willing to do anything for the ones you love, and I could go on for pages but what I’m trying to say is, just you, (y/n). I love everything about you.

You’re the one I want, the one I need, the one I had. But the one I lost because I’m an idiot. I know this whole mess is my fault and I know that I’m an asshole. I hope you can forgive me for what I did, and I hope you’ll let me help fix your heart that I broke.

I’ve known you since we were kids, and I know you’re not the type of person to just open up to people instantly. You opened up to me, gave me your everything, and I took advantage of that. Over something as stupid as an argument rooted from my jealousy. My petty jealousy over a guy I knew you only saw as a friend. I now realize I’ve repeated myself a bit, I hope you don’t mind. Im just kind of writing whatever comes to mind here.

In all honesty, I’m sitting down to write this letter because I know I’m about to do something stupid, and I don’t know what’ll happen. I kind of have a bad feeling in my gut which is what made me sit down to write this just in case I never get to say it in person. But that clown bastard has got to pay for what he’s done, and Bruce won’t do it so that leaves it to me.

I decided to put this letter in my book because whenever I read it around you I noticed you reading over my shoulder. You never were able to completely read it though, you always would fall asleep in the middle of a chapter and never get to hear the end. Now you’ve got all the time in the world to read it, I’m letting you keep it.

Ok, I should probably stop writing now before I kill another tree, as you’d say.

I love you (y/n). Always have, and I absolutely always will.

-Jaybird”

**********

5 years later

“Well, this has been fun” you stated, twirling a silver chained diamond necklace through your fingers. You stared down at the man sleeping in the bed of the cheap motel, fast asleep. You shook your head and snatched up his gold watch. “Geez, you can afford a solid gold watch but you can’t pay for a better hotel room than this?” You mumbled accusingly. “Alright I got all I needed from you sir” you sighed, exiting the room quietly.

As soon as you were outside, you made it up to a rooftop, safely tucked away from anyone else as you silently started go over what you’d got that night.

“(Y/n) (L/n)” a formal sounding voice called, catching your attention. You looked up to see a woman dressed in traditional league of assassins attire, making you groan mentally. “The great Ra’s al Ghul requests your assistance” she stated, pulling out a piece of paper and handing it to you. Your eyebrows furrowed as you took it from her.

“Uh, ok” you replied, opening the folded paper holding the details of when and where you were going. “Wait why does he need my help?” You asked her as she started walking away.

“That is between the great Ra’s al Ghul and you, miss (L/n)” she answered before dissapearing into the city. You huffed and stared down at the paper in your hands.

“What the hell does he want?” You asked yourself as you started your trip home.

The next morning you went to where he said there’d be a jet waiting for you and lo and behold, there it was. You sighed, shaking your head as you stepped aboard. Instantly thoughts filled your mind of your flight to California with Jason, as the plane had almost the exact same set up as Bruce’s jet. You gulped and sat down in a seat, quietly getting ready for the flight.

***********

“Ok Ra’s what the hell did you want?” You asked, stepping into the grand throne room looking room. The man himself sat upon a chair fit for a king, looking as young as ever. “I know you don’t like me so I’m a little confused why I was summoned” you added. He rose to his feet and took a couple steps toward you.

“You’re correct, I don’t like you. But it’s the least I could do, considering the circumstances” he stated, walking past you and toward the door. “Follow” he commanded, making you roll your eyes as you complied.

“Least you could do for what?” You asked confusedly, following behind him as he walked through the twisting and turning hallways.

“He wanted to see you as his final wish before return, and it was my duty to fulfill it” he replied, making you scoff.

“See this is exactly why I don’t fucking like you. Why do you talk like that?” You asked exasperatedly. “Please just answer my questions and not speak in parables” you practically pleaded.

“And I don’t like you because you’re rude and brash but again, if it was my decision you wouldn’t be here” he sighed, stopping in front of a door. “But it’s his wish, so you’re here” he crinkled his nose as he glanced you up and down, making you roll your eyes as your arms crossed over your chest. “He’s in there” he stated, gesturing to the door.

You furrowed your eyebrows, still confused about who ‘he’ was. Nevertheless you walked forward and entered the room, shutting the door behind you. In front of you there was a man sitting at the bar with his back to you. He looked rather large, both tall and muscular. Shaggy black hair sat atop his head, shifting around slightly as he turned to see what the noise from you entering was. As soon as you saw those eyes you knew who he was and you sucked in a small gasp.

“Jason” you asked quietly. He nodded and stood to his feet, his full height now showing. He was much taller now than what you remembered him being, but that was something to do with how long it’d been.

“Hey doll” he gave you a small smile. You let out a breath as you felt your eyes welling up with tears. You ran toward him, slamming yourself against his body in the tightest hug you could give.

“It’s really you? You’re alive?” You asked, pulling back from him to cup his face and examine it. He nodded, placing his hands over top of yours.

“Yeah, I am” he breathed out, staring back down at you. His own eyes started to tear up as he pulled you back in for another hug. After a few minutes of just standing there and hugging, he brought you over to where he was previously sitting.

“How is this possible? Alfred told me you were dead” you asked, wiping your face clear of any tears with the back of your hands. You couldn’t stop them completely though, your vision slightly fogging as your eyes welled up once again.

“I was. Then Talia and Ra’s brought me back here and stuck me in Ra’s pit. It brought me back, but as far as everyone outside of this sanctuary knows, I’m still dead” he explained shortly. He dropped his gaze down to his lap, his own tears falling a little bit more intensely now. “And when Ra’s gave me the chance to bring someone here I knew it had to be you” you leaned forward, softly placing a hand on his knee, prompting him to look back up at you.

“Are you ok Jason?” You asked. It felt like a dumb question, but you wanted to help.

“No. I haven’t been for a long time” he answered honestly, eyes falling back down. “Every time I got to take a shower, or change, or do anything, I see the scars that litter my body. The constant reminder of what that twisted clown did. They’re unavoidable, I can’t run away from them, they’re always there. And that laugh, god that damn laugh. I hear it all the time, taunting me. Daring me to come find him and do something about what he did. Even more so, daring me to hunt down those who helped him succeed. Pair that with the guilt I felt for dying without making anything right with you. Beating myself up for getting to take the easy way out, and leaving you even more broken than before. I’m so damn sorry (Y/n)” you cupped his face softly as he once again looked up at you. Tears furiously streamed down his face, and you wiped them away.

“You have nothing to apologize for Jaybird, none of this was your fault. I am so, so sorry for what Joker did to you. It’s just plain awful and you deserved none of it. As for what happened between us, it’s my fault I didn’t let you explain anything. If I had, then none of this would’ve happened” you tried to comfort him the best you could. It was hard trying to figure out what to say, you’d never experienced anything like what he’d been through, but you desperately wanted to help.

“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t fucked up either” he retorted, making you shrug.

“We both fucked up. It was a group effort” you replied, making him let out a single, breathy chuckle. “There’s that beautiful smile I missed so much” you mumbled, making him give you another small half smile. You brought your hands down from his face to hold his that rested in his lap.

“(Y/n), I’m coming back to Gotham, but I think it would be better if we just stayed friends. I don’t want to be dragging you into what I’m doing” he said after a few moments of silence. You felt a small pang in your chest, having just gotten him back and now sort of losing him again. But you understood, he deserved time to himself anyway. He was still healing from what happened to him, and you respected that.

“That’s fine” you responded quietly, giving his hands a small squeeze. You two sat there for a little while longer, catching up on a few things and just chatting. When it came time for you to leave, you got another, final, long hug before you departed.

A few months later, a string of murders connected to a new crime lord, the Red Hood, surfaced in Gotham, and you knew it had to be Jason. It kind of hurt to know he’d been turned into a killer now, but it was mostly just anger at the Joker for scarring him so bad that it’s what he turned to. To try and help yourself keep your distance from him as he’d wished, you moved to Blüdhaven. Though just to your luck, fate always seemed to bring you back together.

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smells-like-ink-and-fire · 4 years

Text

Innocence died screaming, honey I should know

Here’s the thing: For all his talk of Gotham being a life-sucking, happiness draining shithole, leaving it had never been truly an option on Jason’s mind. It was his shithole of a city goddammit, the grim dirt streets he would die on. It was his home, the blood on his veins. This city had its claws deep into him, and leaving, especially leaving never to return, had been simply impossible, did not compute to him.

Especially now, that Jason was getting along better with the Bats these days. He still didn’t, and never would agree with Bruce regarding his no-killing rule. But things were better, or at least he thought they were. His presence was expected and even accepted. There were some awkwardness and silent nobody knew how to fill, but there were also jokes and eating junk food together after patrol. Sure, there were a lot of snippy comments but he made those too, gave as good as he got, and Bruce still didn’t quite trust him, not to the extent he did with the other, though that was just a given, he had made peace with it, he still killed, after all, a little suspicion was an acceptable price to pay for it.

Self-righteous, holier than thou bat.

Still, there was an uneasiness on his chest whenever the pointed looks got too much when they would start questioning his actions and his plans like he hadn’t been trained by the world's greatest detective like the rest of them and League of Shadows on top of that. Forgetting that Jason had effectively taken control of the East End in less than two months, and without any of them noticing.

The good parts didn’t lessen the rage-hurt out when Barbara sneered at him, acting like he couldn’t be trusted in the field, like the fact he had issues, that he cared about the victims because he had been one made him incapable of being rational, turned him into something that was eternally compromised. Like he was a mindless raging monster, who would shoot to kill at mere provocation.

He had been, once, fresh out of those green waters, traumatized, angry, afraid, and replaced. He had been a child, too, didn’t that count for something?

Their veiled accusations of insanity, that he had a problem, that needed to be handled like he was a fucking dog, the angry gremlin claims that he was unhinged and the only reason that they kept him around was to keep an eye on him, it all made Jason feel queasy, made him feel less than human.

It made him wonder how truly welcome he was. Was he welcome or they were just trying to appease their guilt and keep a loose cannon from the streets?

But there were undoubtedly good things too. Moments that made it worth it. His relationship with Steph and Duke, and surprisingly, Replacement was getting better, even though the first two were not around as much as he would like. The nights they had spent chewing off some of the undoubtedly brilliant but assholes teachers while demolishing mountains of homework had been fun, and Replacement-Tim was quite a sass master, now only if he could convince the kid to take a step back from WE so that he wouldn’t have a heart attack before he could drink legally.

Replacement, however, was why he was here. Here being diner on the border of the Bowery and Robinsonville, The Raging Duck, a new place that Golden Boy wanted to try, make a family bonding experience out of it, Jason was sure. Replacement had twisted his way around with words in a shape that made it impossible for him not to come. His saving grace was that Jason had already made clear that he couldn’t stay long, under the pretext of having to verify that month payments collection from the Bowery.

Which was goddammed good thing because this whole outing had been a mistake. The last couple weeks had been rough, with the stress of studying and writing applications for his master degree, the couple of murders that almost led to a gang war between the Falcone and the Russians, plus a decoy staged by the Riddler, as his newest scape plan, that had taken too long to crack leading to an accident that had killed three people and would have killed a lot more if Jason hadn’t said fuck and put bullet holes on some goons heads. This in turn led to an inevitable argument because of Batman's continuous incapacity to see the necessity of his actions while on some level recognizing that was the only poss0ible decision meant that tension had been higher than usual.

Therefore, putting everybody in a room together was definitely not the best idea, Dickie! The last ten minutes certainly proved so, what had started as an easy-going conversation about their early on mishaps of the field, which included a hefty number of stories where the main theme was “And then I said Fuck Batman – With varying degrees of success” that had started as a split-second change of subject in order to avoid a fight breaking out, had turned into passive-aggressive attacking Jason. The worst part was that Jason wasn’t even sure they were doing on purpose.

Did the even realize he was sitting right next to them? Or was he just a ghost?

“… and then the fantastic Robin fell three stores down only to be needed to be saved by the incredible Spoiler! So, listen to me kids, if you’re going to say fuck Batman you should at least be sure there is something to break your fall before you jump.” - Steph finished the story with a flourish, going back to her waffles.

“That was a level of stupidity that I wasn’t aware that you were capable of Replacement. Really, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.

“Please, as if you weren’t the first one to ignore an order just to fuck with B, Jason. There’s a list. The Incident with the Falcone. Killer Crock latest scape. The entire shit show that was last week. – Tim shot back, mulish, poking at his fries

And every single of those missions was a raging success.

“Which is the one involving Babs, back when she was still BG, you know the one she always mentions, because I don’t know what you did dude but she’s still pissed at you for it.”

“Oh, I know! Bruce forced them to work together on that one, it was a drug-smuggling operation that involved kids. Jason jumped in instead of waiting for her signal. Needless to say, it did not end up well. Babs was so very pissed.”

Yeah for the assholes that thought using kids as drug mules was a good idea. BG was just made the street rat had a better plan than her

“Is that why warehouse 25F is a gory, burned-out mess?”

“Nah, that came later, during that corruption case that nearly put the Comish in the hospital. Or maybe it was the one involving that Nazi Arts dealer?”

“Is there a difference? They always end up in unnecessary explosions. Todd’s need for dramatics and overuse of force are well documented”

Because you can talk about overuse of force, demon spawn.

“Robin. Less explosions. Trying to help. Hurt.”

“Yeah, he was trying to help Cass, nobody is denying that the thing is Jason desire to be a little shit and prove Batman wrong is way stronger than his drive to help people, and even though there were far less explosions back then, both he and innocent people have gotten hurt.”

How you’d know? You weren’t around back then Dickface.

“So, we can agree that it’s basically a Pavlovian response for him at this point. Your stubbornness and desire to say Fuck Batman no matter the consequences have been able to surpass death Jason, and if that it’s not a feat, I don’t know what is. Congratulations, really!” – Steph summarized.

He had been holding up fine until that point but he just didn’t have the strength to it anymore, every word out it Tim's mouth felt like the blow of crowbar shattering his ribs, chocking on his own blood because a Batarang slashed his throat. He felt faint. He felt dangerously close to crying.

“I have to go.” – Jason got out of his chair.

“Jason…” – The pitying and yet reproachful note on Dick’s voice made his skin crawl.

“I said I couldn’t stay very long. Some of us have stuff to do. You know criminal empires to run, places to blow up, kneecaps to shoot.” – He doped a twenties bill on the table.

“Todd. Cease being childish. Just because you are unable to accept your failures, and the fact that you were incompetent and arrogant enough to be captured by an enemy does not mean you should incapable of accepting constructive criticism.”

“Not being childish gremlin. I do have a criminal empire to run. And I do take constructive criticism, preferably from people who know what the hell they are talking about. You know people that are more than the “blood sons” of people that are greater than themselves. Noise midgets, not so much. Bye.” – Jason out of the dinner before any of them can reply.

See you never again.

He doesn’t know how he gets back to his closest safe house. It’s a reasonably good one. He likes this one. He focusses on the things he likes. Hardwood floor. The light green paint. On the things, he doesn’t. The shitty heating. The fact that the cabinets doors don’t shut all the way.

Breaths. Slowly. In and Out. Counts to three hundred. Breaths again.

The tears still prickle on his eyes. His chest feels hollow. His throat is dry. He doesn’t have the strength to move from where he’s sat on the floor, his back against the door. Going a few rounds with Deathstroke had hurt less. It certainly never made him want to crawl under his bed and stay there until the world forget he existed. Of course, Slade had also never blamed for his own death.

Even though his own father had. Reckless, overly aggressive, incapable of following orders, loud-mouthed Robin that got what he deserved, Bruce had said. Maybe not to his face but he had said it. Then again it had been his fault, hadn’t it?

He takes a few more breaths, tries to push his emotions back, locking them deep, and walks to the fridge, pours himself a glass of water. Drinks it. His mind goes back to the conversation. The glass shatters in his hand.

“Oh, fuck!”

He goes to the sink, to clean his hands and throws the broken glass into the trash. Lucky there were only some minor cuts that don’t need stitches even if they hurt like a bitch.

Take that universe!

Still, he wraps them in bandages since he doesn’t fancy cleaning blood out of his sheets. Sleep, however, doesn’t come easily that night, and the time he doesn’t spend tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to follow to try to fall back asleep in, he spends waking up from dreams that leave him feeling like he’s constantly falling, sharp terror waking him each and every time.

There is no rest for the wicked though, and so he takes off by late morning and goes to check o on the rest of the gang, makes sure Antony is running things smoothly. All in all, it’s pretty boring, with enough paperwork to make a bonfire, but it does the job of taking his mind out the things for a while. Patrol is uneventful, which is a welcome respite, and Jason doesn’t do much more than stop a few muggings and beating up some creeps.

During that time, he keeps an ear out for the bats, especially Dick since he’s not anywhere near the mood to listen to another of the boy wonder lectures about how “Damian is just a child; you shouldn’t take what he says seriously”, especially those came with the addition of being delivered in that tone that screamed, “even though he’s right”. But he must have gone back to his turf because he sees no hair nor hide of him or any of the others.

The next two nights are very much a repetition of that first one, with little sleep and little action, so much so that a paranoid and exhausted part of him gets a bit terrified and so he ends up calling Roy just to hear the genius talk about whatever crazy project he’s been working on lately. If the redhead has any idea why Jason is calling him at four in the morning, he doesn’t comment on it and simply talks until his friend's breath has even out.

This way when the sun comes up the next day, Jason drags himself out of bed and heads straight to the shower, the cold water helps ground him back into his body. Still feeling like shit but at least knowing the difference between dream and reality he eats his breakfast while checking his messages and it’s more than a little bit shocked to see a text from Bruce asking, as in there is an actual please in it if they can talk about a possible case with a few crossed wires. There’s even an invitation to stay for dinner alongside with it, which makes him wonder if Bruce hit his head a little too hard the other day, or if Alfred finally made good on his promise of finding a drug that made him less emotionally stunned.

No matter the cause, the message leaves him hopeful enough that he answers with a yeah, I’ll be there by five.

He arrives at the Manor door fifteen minutes past five, just in case, greeting Alfred with a smile that the old butler easily returns. They make some small talk as the older man demands him to at least drink a cup of tea before heading down. Still, they part at the entrance of the cave and Jason takes those final steps alone.

“Sup, old man?”

“Jason.” – Bruce answers, his back turned, typing at the bat computer, probably filling some reports.

“C’mon B, you’re the one who called me unless of course, you somehow have been possessed and that please was you asking for help, in which case, give me a second and let me call the Martian Manhunter, you gotta give a bit more of information.” – Jason kept his gaze on Bruce’s back, his breath steady, he was not rambling thank you very much!

“There been some talk about an escort service in Diamond District that works as a front from money laundering. I think you might know some of the girls.”

“Little bit out of my way. Maybe you should check with Cat.”

Bruce’s eyes were shining, and the line of his mouth meant that he was finding it funny and Jason was filed to the brim with a wave of warmth and nostalgia. It made him feel like a kid again, it made him like Robin again, like magic.

“Maybe we should.”

“Oh gross! Let’s go back to the ever-existing cases of corruption and gross old man please?”

“Isabella McGarvey”

“Know the surname. Any relation to Ophelia McGarvey?”

"Her older sister I believe, records show that she moved from the East Side two years ago but didn’t take her sister with her because she was a minor…"

Most of the afternoon passed that way. With the Batman and the Red Hood checking financial records, discussing disappearances and police reports in an amiable tone, full of teasing. It was a welcome change of pace being the one providing the answers to all-knowing Batman for once. So, he took his time explaining the inner workings and the shady dealings of the Alley, preening at the attention and the approval, something he would deny until his second dying day.

Perhaps the only dark spot in the otherwise bright day was the fact that Jason kept purposely having to avoid looking at the southeast corner of the cave, at the glass cage that seemed to hover over them.

Refusing to acknowledge that some part of Bruce would always believe he was dead

“There maybe be a loose end might be worth exploiting but I don’t know how long that window would be open: There was a shooting, a few days ago, near the Bowery and Robinsonville, no cameras, three dead, the assailant left no evidence behind.”

“Don’t know what to tell you Bats, last time I was there I was with your kids, didn’t hear anything, neither did mine. I mean, I could ask but this is Gotham, murders are pretty much the norm. Unless those guys are part of something bigger, I got you nothing.” - Jason shrugged, already calculating the possibilities of why this is relevant and coming out with nothing.

Damn all-knowing paranoid bat.

“They were. Trafficking ring. Middleman.”

“There is no trafficking ring in the Alley”.

Of that he’s certain.

“There is not. Because those men were killed before they could take anyone. But they were known for it, and they were asking the sort of questions that could ping on your radar.”

“Well, I haven’t heard anything. I’ll make sure to pay more attention, update some protocols.” – Jason answered, already planning to investigate it.

If they were acting as a middleman for someone roaming around then that someone would send more to scoop the territory out and he would be prepared when they came, regardless of what else could be there. There were no trafficking rings in Alley.

“Or maybe you did and decided to take care of it your own terms”

The abruptness of the question was so earth-shattering that he took a few steps back to regain his balance.

“Jesus Christ Bruce if are gonna accuse me of murder you could at least have the decency of start with that. No, I did not kill them. If any of mine did I haven’t heard of it. But as far as I’m concerned is no great loss.” - He succeeds at sounding nonchalant and enraged, hiding the fact that the question felt like a bucket of water, leaving his cold and shaking.

So, this is why Bruce actually called, so he could question Jason about his latest failure, his latest disappointment in Bruce’s eyes. Of course, it was, and he was a fool for ever thinking otherwise. For letting himself hope that Bruce was trying, that he wanted to rekindle the relationship they had when Jason still wore those green panties.

“Where were you at 2:30 in the morning, three nights ago?”

“What?”

Please god, everything but this. I can’t do this again

“At the time of the murder, where were you?

“In a dinner with your kids.” – Jason’s voice was nothing more than a whisper as if all the air had been pushed out of his lungs.

Why you don’t believe me? Why you don’t trust me?

“Damian said you left early, earlier than that, because he got home at 3:00. It takes at least half an hour to get here from there.

“Safehouse a few blocks away, then. Sleeping. Bruce, please”. – Jason was begging now, voice raw and full of hurt.

“Can you prove that?”

"The hell is wrong with you?!? I already told you: I. DID. NOT. KILL. THEM. When have I ever not taken credit for the people I’ve killed?"

“What’s going on?”

And of course, because his luck could not be worse, that was the Perfect Grayson coming down the stairs. He could feel the headache forming behind his eyes. He did not want to deal with this shit right now.

Was it too much to ask for the ground swallow him whole?

“Nothing! Bruce’s just spent the last five minutes pointlessly accusing of murder! Can you get the fuck out so we can continue discussing it?”

“You were near the scene of the crime, you have a motive, the means, and a history.”

“Wait you killed someone?”

“No! Keep up, Bruce is just being a dick, you know like you usually are.”

“Is a valid concern”

“Is a piece of shit that is what it is!”

“Can someone please explain?”

“Bruce thinks I killed three people after I left the dinner the other day.”

That what you did after you left? It’s that what you meant by shooting kneecaps? Jay… I know that you were angry but this…

“Jesus Fucking Christ Didn’t I just say its bullshit?”

“You said that?”

“It was a joke”

“You have motive, means, no alibi and now your brother is telling me that you left because you needed to shoot someone. What do you want me to believe?”

“THAT I WOULDN’T LIE ABOUT IT!”

“If you were planning only to main them, if your anger got the better out you, as it has before if you did it out impulse, and is trying yo hide it.”

“You know what Bruce? You’ve already made up your mind so I will do us all a favor and get myself out. You can’t trust me? Well, I can’t trust you. From now on there will be no bats at the East End. If you are seen, you will be shot. That’s how trigger happy I fucking am!”

He pushed passed Dick and Bruce, the world was tingled with pit green glow, his ears were roaring, no sound, only rage, and loss. Every step he took was calculated, his breath was short, measured. A of violence ready to blow up at the mere provocation held together only by the barest threads of sanity and humanity and the training Ducra had given him. Roy’s voice babbling at him. Kori’s booming laughter. Kyle ridiculous art. Donna’s everlasting sass and warmth.

Somehow, someway he made home without turning Gotham into a bloodbath, and the relative he felt at activating the security protocol was fastly overtaken by fear. He hadn’t had an attack like that in over three months. Hadn’t let the Pit burning so strong in his veins in so long. Hadn’t felt that disconnection to reality since his early days out of the Pit.

Just the idea of what could have happened in case he lost control made Jason grab the nearest bucket and puke. He stayed there, pressing the palm of hinds to his eyes, heaving.

It didn’t matter, because it didn’t happen.

His phone rang, and if it was anybody else calling, he let go straight to voicemail, but it was Talia’s ringtone and she didn't call jus for kicks, so he presses answer.

“If I told you I didn’t kill a man would you believe me?” – Jason blurts out before he can stop himself, red coloring his cheeks as he realizes what he just said, cursing himself for his stupidity.

“Of course. Why would…I see.” – Talia’s face goes from neutral to confusion and finally anger in a matter of seconds. – “Your father does not know you at all Habibi, and that, rest assured, is entirely his fault. He’s too caught up in the image he made of you to be able to see you as truly are.”

“Batman being a stunned idiot, who can look past his own reasoning of the world? What an earthshattering idea T! – Jason says sarcastically trying to cover up his earlier emotional outburst. - Anyway, got a reason for calling?

“Do not play coy with me, Jason, it’s unbecoming. Regardless, I do not believe Gotham has done you good. Moreover, I do not believe your father's actions towards you have been in any way helpful to your recovery and growth.”

“What are you? My therapist?”

“I would not be against for you to see one, but I would not force you either. Your choices, as always, must be your own. Besides is my understanding that to be effective therapy must also involve privacy. Another thing that its unlikely to come by if you are to remain here.

“Gotham needs me. The Alley needs me, God knows the Bat can’t handle this shit, they don’t care and even if they did the Alley would never trust them” – It wasn’t as much a rebuttal as it was an excuse

“They do, but you are of no use to them if you are constantly emotionally compromised by the rash and thoughtless actions of those who do not understand you and do not seek to. Loyalty is a gift that must be not be given lightly and they make ill use of yours while reaping the benefits of it. Perhaps it’s time for them to learn how to much you do for them. The absence does make the heart grow fonder.”

“You’re telling me to leave.”

“I’m telling take a step back. You’ve done tremendous work, but there’s more to you then violence. The petty criminals and drug dealers and the pimps are all properly terrified, your minions are capable enough that they can keep your operation running without your direct involvement. Rest. Recover. Come back when you are ready. Besides, you do have your master’s degree to consider, don’t you?” - Jason blushed, Talia wasn’t one to give compliments that she didn’t mean, and she did have a point, but…

But what? What did he truly have here? It had taken less than ten minutes for Dick convince Bruce, based on nothing more than a few throw away words Jason had said when he was angry and hurting, that Jason had killed a man and once that decision had been made no amount of evidence would make Bruce turn around in his favor. The others probably already knew what had happened and just as likely had decided to stay away from him from now on. After all, if he couldn’t take a little teasing without blasting someone’s brains out then he was certainly no better than the crazies in Arkham, to them.

What Talia was offering has the peace of taking a walk without being judged by the path he chooses to walk on, let the dust stele until bygones were bygones and he could look at Dick’s- Holier-Than-Thou face without breaking every single bone in it.

What did he have to lose that he couldn’t take back later on?

“You do realize that this will take quite a bit of work and resources, right? – Jason could almost see that pleased little smile of hers spread on Talia’s face.

“You do realize who you are speaking with don’t you Habibi? Let’s get to work.

#first chapter #Criminal Minds #Jason Todd #fanfic #Im so nervous #Go check on AO3'#Im sorry for the delay #Spoiler: Jason is a Sad Boy in this #But he'll get better #Xover #Spencer Reid shows up in the next chapter #Worry not #im very proud of myself #ive written

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