#ive gotten better about masking but he says its something about our eyes

[canis-dies]

.... horrible he can tell when i switch in

#ive gotten better about masking but he says its something about our eyes #... do i need to start wearing sunglasses #gin why do you text like this its dumb

[creativeashproductions]

A Distant Dream IV // Luke Patterson

Summary: In 1994 seventeen year old Luke Patterson had once again tried to ask out the girl that held his heart. With the belief he would see the younger Mercer girl the next morning he decides to wait to confess his feelings. Only to have soft music bewitched the reader into an antique wardrobe with lots of history

Warnings: Swearing, grief, mourning a relationship, sadness, angst, war/death, mention of strict parents, and fluff

Words: 3.1

A/N: This is a disclaimer: just because the reader and Luke start to get along better and have a date does NOT mean she isn’t grieving her relationship. Whether the love faded or not with Peter that is still a large part of who she was/is or don’t expect her and Luke to fall into a relationship immediately.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

The phantoms had disbanded for the night, leaving Julie alone in her room surrounded by books and Flynn. You’d snuck down to the basement as you had since you arrived in 2020 from a different world. The wardrobe that quite literally changed your life was in the back corner, unassuming for the young girl.

Your e/c eyes pinned to the antique wooden furniture that had traveled from England to America as if fate had guided it. No matter how long time went by you’d never been able to touch the wardrobe, let alone touch remotely close. A part of you feared finding if you could return to Narnia or not.

It was something you kept private from the new people helping you to assimilate back into a life on Earth. The boys often refused to leave you for very long after the traumatic disappearance, even when you urged for space. It had almost been as tricky as negotiating peace with a land boiling with civil unrest.

Alex had taken to holding your hand as you slept for peace in both him and you; he’d noticed the state of sleep you endured. It was fitful and often filled with memories in the form of nightmares. The one from last night reared its head once more.

An intake of breath as you pulled your fingers closed to your cheek. Eyes on the movement before you released the bow. The arrow sailed true into the unsuspecting enemy with a faint whistle as it travelled.

The body dropped, one of many of the battles you had attended since defeating the White Witch. A life was still a life, and taking one was incredibly difficult. You saw it in the eyes of Peter, heard it in Susan’s strained voice, saw it in the way Edmund carried himself, but the most heartbreaking was the feeling of Lucy’s tense shoulders in certain moments.

Edmund and Lucy had been children when the White Witch had reigned and fought. Lucy had been only nine years old when her foot first touched Narnian snow. At that tender age, she’d watched the evil of the world up close. Edmund not that incredibly older. The youngest Pevensie had watched her brother take his last breath. Felt the trauma of Edmund’s gasping as the cordial bled one life-giving drop of liquid.

“I’d like to say it gets better, but it truly doesn’t, Your Majesty.” General Oreius’ announced from his station beside you. It was a lull in the tension building as people got ready for the enemies on the horizon.

Oreius’ addressed you but kept his gaze on the approaching army from an enemy land; the General was gifted in multitasking. He’d stopped to give you a little peace in only the way he knew how to.

“Thank you, Oreius.” You informed the General as he took off into the land ahead, leaving you to hold off the enemy with arrows. The short lapse is a game-changer for you as you run into battle.

Last night’s dream had been a reprieve from the dreams of Peter staring sadly at you curled around Luke. It hadn’t happened, of course, but that didn’t dim the bonfire of emotions you felt for the hazel-eyed guitarist.

You couldn’t quite figure out if you loved Peter the way a wife should love their husband. It wasn’t solely Peter that made you come to the wardrobe frequently. It had to do with the family that became yours when your parents had been shitty.

“Hey.” Julie spoke, stepping up to your side. The first person to have found you in the basement where you had an entirely different life.

“Hi.” You murmured, breaking your stare to meet the lovely teenager who had taken your brother and friends into her home. Even if it hadn’t been a smooth start, the band had grown infinitely closer.

“Do you think you’ll ever go back?” Julie softly questioned with soft brown eyes taking in the action you’d known for years. Your fingers brushed a strand of her gorgeous coil hair behind her ear with a gentleness you’d done so with Susan and Lucy.

Julie watched as your eyes saddened, “I don’t know. Mere seconds before I stumbled out of the wardrobe into your home, I was an adult. I had been in my early ’30s reigning beside my husband, and then I was the same sixteen-year-old girl breaking the chains of the Mercer name.”

“You feel guilty you left Alex, Luke and Reggie without answers, but you feel like you’re betraying your new family?” Julie questioned, shifting on her sneakers to stare at the emotional mask you’d developed in Narnia.

“Something like that.” You simply replied, casting one more look at the wardrobe in your haste to leave the basement.

Julie waited until you had left before she opened the wardrobe with a loud creak. Her hands brushed material hanging before her hand met a solid surface. Her face dropped at the physical evidence that Narnia couldn’t be reached from this wardrobe again.

Julie adored you, but she wanted to know how true happiness looked on your pretty features. Even if she had to give up you just so you could be happy, it was worth it, so when you left the basement each visit, she’d check the wardrobe.

It always failed. Not a speck of snow or a call of your royal title. Had Julie not seen you tumble out of the wardrobe, she’d have never believed the story.

“One day.” Julie murmured to the silent wardrobe.

Your foot barely passed the threshold of your attic space when your ’90s friends dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Each wearing a big grin that matched the fake one you plastered on.

“Where’d you go this time?”

“Top of the Hollywood sign.” Reggie piped up, skipping over to distribute a cheesy tourist keychain of the sign. Had it been someone else than Reggie, you would have joked about it, but you never could with the sweet puppy like teenager.

“Thank you.” You told the boy who had taken to grabbing little souvenirs for you. You couldn’t remember when he’d sat beside you, but he’d softly informed you how much he’d missed you. 

In the year following your disappearance, Reggie had built up a collection of trinkets he thought you’d love; he was the one with the most optimism. Even if he believed you’d met an end, that little spark of hope never died. He wouldn’t be Reggie Peters if the hope wasn’t there.

“I wish I knew if my parents kept that box.” Reggie sighed, referring to the trinkets he had collected the year you’d gone missing. You merely squeezed his shoulder in response before catching gazes with Luke.

“Flynn still here?” Alex questioned, pushing himself to sit on the box bench underneath the window. He’d proudly chosen the wear one of the t-shirts Flynn had personalized for the band.

You shrugged, “Dunno. Julie found me.”

Reggie and Luke were oblivious, but Alex knew to the core of his soul where you tended to spend alone time. Alex would see how you’d return with that ache in your eyes more prominent, and your lips quirked down just enough for him to tell. He saw the guilt when you looked at Luke, the way you thumbed your ring.

“Do you want to hang out? Maybe to use Julie’s computer to search for our childhood friends? See if Sarah got valedictorian?” Alex asked, swinging his feet, trying to pull you from your thought which he was successful with.

“Sure.”

Reggie and Luke watched as you and Alex left the attic for some one on one time together, leaving the two.

“I wonder where they’re going?” Reggie questioned, staring after the closed door. His hands pushed into the back pockets of his jeans.

Luke shrugged, “You wanna write a song?”

“Sure! We could-”

“Not country,” Luke told the bassist, who pouted but followed as his best friend poofed to the garage. 

The two Mercer siblings wandered the streets of Los Angeles, each in their own thoughts but comforted by the odd brush of their arms. For Alex, it felt like the old days when you both snuck out of the house just for some air. To just to leave the tense expectations shoved on their shoulders by their perfectionist parents.

“If I’d never disappeared and you didn’t die, where do you think we’d be?” You mused, thinking of all the what-ifs. Would you have gotten together with Luke? Would Sunset Curve had gone on to do sold-out shows.

“I don’t really know, to be honest. I think if we’d gone on to be successful that Reggie would have a ranch somewhere. He might have even released an EP of country songs. I think you and Luke would be together.” Alex thought with a bittersweet smile.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Where do you think you would be?” You questioned the older Mercer, who simply shrugged, “I like to think you would have been happy. Whether that was with someone, who was worthy of you or just by being yourself. Maybe you would have started a charity or been an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.”

Your e/c eyes caught the smile growing on your older brother’s mouth, bringing a lightness to your body.

“I don’t think it matters. We’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. If we had survived, I would have never seen you again.” Alex confessed, “I think we were always meant to meet Julie.”

You went to open your mouth when your eyes found one of the last places you wanted to be. Somehow you and Alex had walked into the area where the country club was sitting just as it was back in the ’90s. From a distance, you could see the unmistakable form of Sarah, the girl in your grade who had always unwillingly competed academically with you. Sarah was just another girl with heavy expectations from her own wealthy parents.

“Is that Sarah?” Alex softly chuckled as the girl, now a woman, holding the hand of her husband with genuine happiness, “She looks happy.”

“She deserves it. The rivalry all our parents had was insane, so I’m happy one of us got the least complicated life.” You informed Alex bumping your hip against his leg as you talked with the pink-loving male.

England, 1940s

Four youth occupied one of the many rooms in the manor that didn’t hold a candle to Cair Paravel grand size and beauty. Not that the four confused siblings spent time taking a gander in the room. Each focused on how they’d lived well into their thirties before regressing back to the ages they were when they stepped into the wardrobe. There were minor changes.

Edmund wasn’t acting like a knob, Susan inserting herself as dominant, and Lucy was quieter than usual. Peter, however, had a boiling rage he could barely contain within himself.

“Do you think Aslan did this?” Susan questioned her siblings. A single tear rolling down her face at the grief she felt.

Each Pevensie was in the beginning stages of grief. They had to grieve the life they had lost in a magical place. A place where the war didn’t ravage like it did to their home country. For the suitors, she’d only just started to seriously look into.

Not a single shred of evidence tied themselves to Narnia.

“Who else?” Peter scoffed, bringing a gasp from Lucy’s mouth. They had all proudly reigned with Aslan in mind. Not a word is spoken against the great lion who’d died for Edmund and came back to life.

“Pet-”

“This is your fault.” Peter told his younger brother with a grimace on his face, “We had everything we ever needed in Narnia. Why did you need to catch that stupid stag?”

Edmund’s eyebrows furrowed, “You make it sound like our lives were perfect. Newsflash, King Peter, but it was far from that. You barely focused on your marriage, let alone Y/N.”

“Edmund.” Susan admonished, glancing between her brothers as if watching a tennis match. The only sister paying attention as Lucy stared out the window at the overcast day.

“It’s true! His marriage was a sham, and he lied to the entire kingdom!” Edmund shouted with a heated glare, “You acted like you were the most important person in Narnia, like the only reason the place worked was because of your hand solely.”

“Shut up,” Peter growled, stepping right up to his little; Edmund had lost a lot of inches, brother with a sneer. Their hair mussed from rubbing against the furs.

“Just because you’re older and you had High in front of your title doesn’t lessen our power too.”

“STOP IT.” Lucy screamed, stomping her foot, “Who cares about that. How about we focus on where Y/N went? She was right with us in there, and then out of nowhere, she’s gone.”

“I know.” Peter’s shoulder dropped in defeat as it settled further into his mind. Not only had he lost the years he’d lived, but he’d also lost you somewhere along the line.

While you’d fallen out of love, or maybe you’d never even been in love with Peter; he’d faithfully kept feelings for you. Part of him had always known your heart was taken by another, but he cherished the times you had together.

“And she’s not in another place right now. She’s somewhere in the far future.” Edmund added with his arms crossed over each other, “She never elaborated on when, where or what the future looks like. How can we find someone that doesn’t exist yet?”

“We hope our future selves can find her.” Susan finished sending a look at each of her siblings, “In the meantime, let’s live our lives for her, so we have tons of stories for her to listen to.”

Molina Household, America 2020

Luke Patterson shook in his black vans, his best pair he owned, holding simple flowers Julie had gotten. Money from busking down at the pier for some cash the boys could have for anything they wanted. They always left money with a note when they got items.

The flowers’ stems were definitely in a battle to survive the grip from the scared teenage ghost. He’d started the day with a tickle in the back of his mind to ask you out. Just a simple date with no strings attached to see where it could go. He couldn’t chicken out when he’d already knocked, and the door was opening.

“Oh! Luke.” You gasped, blinking at the sudden appearance of the phantom. Luke’s eyes melted at the oversized flannel layered over a cropped dark blue sweater.

Your style pre-Narnia and during Narnia had coalesced over the few months you’d found yourself on Earth. Your love of cropped tops returned with a modest twist, the modesty unshakable.

“I know it’s been hard adjusting from Narnia, but I was wondering if you would go on a date with him?” He blurted, dancing on the balls of his vans with an expression of pure nerves.

Your mind flew twenty miles an hour thinking through the implications of accepting a date with this teenager. A dead teenager at that. Sure he was only a year older, but fate had a sick sense of humour. 

“I don-”

“I know in your other world you have a husband. I get that, but there’s something undeniable between us. It’s been there since the ’90s, and we always just pushed it away. I learned over the twenty-six years that life is too short.” Luke pleaded, slowly pushing the pretty bouquet into your arms, “Just one date to see if this is worth pursuing.”

You should have said no, but you couldn’t, “One date.”

Luke mentally pumped his fist in the air in celebration as if he was starring in a John Hughes movie. As if reading his mind, you teasingly thrust your hand in the air, the very same hand coming into Luke’s grip.

“There isn’t a lot that we can do, but Willie knows a guy unaffiliated with Caleb. Well, he knows him through a few guys, but he hooked me up. In this lovely basket, we have a menagerie of food that I can eat.” Luke spoke proudly with that same twinkle he always had with you by his side.

Your lips parted in pure elation. Luke Patterson was taking you out on one of the things that had been on your bucket list. A picnic date, something you and Alex each desired to enjoy.

Luke led you down a few streets to a park notorious for cute dates. Julie stood over a cliche checkered blanket. In her hand was an old iPhone or iPod hooked up to a Bluetooth speaker, a playlist curated of your favourite songs ready to go.

“You remember how to use this?” Julie questioned the teen ghost with one raised eyebrow. Luke nodded in his mission to unpack the food in a form that was as romantic as possible.

Julie nodded before casting a quiet goodbye to the two ’90s teens.

“How’d you know?” You questioned Luke as he poured a glass of the beverage he’d chosen. His ever-changing eyes flicked up to yours with an endearing expression.

Your eyes scanned his messy hair. He had taken the time to meticulously styled for his date with you. He’d chosen that gorgeous purple corduroy long sleeve shirt that turned his hair to melted milk chocolate. He hadn’t done a 180 on his style; he’d never tell you he’d styled his hair off his forehead into what Alex had dubbed the Prince Charming hair.

“1994 in the studio for Alex’s fifteenth birthday. Bobby snuck some alcohol he’d collected from his uncle’s BBQ and his father’s stash. We got drunk for the first time and played truth or dare.” Luke recalled with a smile. 

He remembered how much of lightweights they were and the way his heart fluttered when Alex answered Reggie’s question. He explained how his ideal date was a picnic in a park with either a guy he was seeing or his celebrity crush. He’d mentioned it was something he shared with you, and then all Luke could think about was taking you on a picnic.

“Dealing with Alex’s hungover ass was a nightmare.” You grunted, swiping one of the pieces of watermelon from a container.

“I can only imagine.” Luke chuckled, slowly shifting closer to you with a sandwich in his left hand. His right arm slowly slinked over your shoulders to rest, the movement halting as your shoulders tensed momentarily.

“Were you really gonna confess that night I disappeared?” You asked the guitarist currently focused on the delicious sandwich. It reminded him of his mother packing his lunch every day, even in his high school years despite telling his mom he could do it himself.

“I was. I chickened out.” Luke admitted and had he been alive, his ears could have flushed along with his cheeks. The bashful ghost struggled to meet your gaze, “I had-have this massive crush on you. I’ve had it since you called me your knight in shining armour-”

“When I sliced my knee open, and you carried me home.”

“I’ve never told anyone, but you’re kinda the reason why I started wearing no sleeves. The guys and us were watching a film, and you mentioned something about the actor’s arms.” Luke snickered with a smile that faded at your sheepish grin, “Oh my god, you knew.”

“Bobby let it slip, ‘I watched him cut the sleeves of his shirts, stitch the raw edges of the fabric, prick his fingers a ton, and he nearly broke my foot’”

“Yeah I almost dropped a weight on him.” Luke snorted, shuffling to lay his head to rest on top of yours. He’d quickly learnt in his mission to gain muscle for your attention that he liked the exercise. He continued to get in shape and grow some muscle, but he still wore sleeveless shirts for you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Luke beamed at your words, “Nah, you’re the beautiful one.”

The rest of the date was everything you had ever wished for. Luke went above and beyond your expectations, even as a ghost. He’d packed a sweater to help you into when the night appeared, and the cold came. He held your hand on the way home and walked you straight to your attic door.

Luke didn’t push for a kiss either. He simply raised your clasped hand to press a lingering kiss on the back of your hand.

“Sweet dreams.” Luke murmured before he walked down the stairs. The euphoria ensuring he forget his ability to poof.

He wore the same lovesick expression into the studio where two ghosts waited for all the details. Alex and Reggie each buzzing in anticipation for their guitarist best friend.

In your room, you analyzed your feelings closely.

The guilt wasn’t as suffocating as you’d anticipated after going on a date that wasn’t with Peter. Just the guy that had been a reason your marriage with Peter wasn’t how it should have been. You also knew in your heart that Peter would want you to be happy and move on. In fact, in the last two years of your marriage, things had changed to just being two best friends married. 

Your eyes met the window of your attic bedroom with a small smile. Your right hand slowly sliding the symbol of love from your finger. For the first time in a very long time, your wedding and engagement band left your hand.

“I’ll always love you, Peter Pevensie.” You murmured from your place in front of your dresser. The two rings slid into the old jewellery box where they would stay.

The only signs of your previous relationship status are just memories and a pale line on your ring finger.

Time to move on. Time to accept that Narnia was in the past and not in your future. Time to accept that Luke Patterson always had and always would hold your heart in his hands.

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[anotherhamiltonblog]

Stick Together.

Collin Hoskins x Reader one shot!

Prompt Request from HERE: Situation Comforting the other Sentence “I just want to let you know that I love you. A lot. Never forget that.”

Warnings: Sadness, heartbreak, blood, cursing, miscarriage, happy ending.

Word Count: 1.985

Staring ahead, Collin never thought he would ever feel this… sad. This heartbroken. The one girl he loved more than anything was alive, she survived. Recovering, but how could be bring himself to put a smile back on her face? The news they received had been one that neither one of them was prepared to hear. He wasn’t even sure what to say, he didn’t blame Y/N. It wasn’t her fault, yet Y/N still blamed herself for something that was out of her control.

One Month Earlier:

Y/N’s POV:

“Alright, alright!” Miles yelled out as the group stood around at the fourth of July barbeque Miles was having at his house. With Ashley pregnant, the thought it was better to do something at home. “Get some Collin ma maaan!”

Laughing, Y/N pushed Collin away from the kiss and flipped Miles off. “Go be with your wife! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!” she laughed and wrapped an arm around her boyfriend. “Your friend is very irritating.”

Snorting, Collin looked over to Miles who was tending to his wife’s every need. The women didn’t have to do anything. “Yeah, he’s a good guy though.”

With one more kiss, he went back to manning the grill and Y/N went to get the other food ready. Seeing they needed more ice, Y/N went inside the house and looked in the freezer.

“shit…”

Walking to the door that led to the backyard, she grinned at her friends. “Hey! I’m gonna rush over to the store real quick! We’re out of ice.” She called to them and waved her hand when Miles asked if she wanted him to go.

“Be careful! OK?” Collin yelled out and Y/N laughed nodding.

“I will… love you!” she blew him a kiss and moved to grab her purse from the counter.

Walking out of the house, she pulled her hair up and used a hair clip to hold it up. The July sun coming down strong and the last thing Y/N wanted was her hair at her neck.

Arriving at the store, Y/N entered and waved to the man sitting behind the desk. “Not gonna celebrate?” she asked him with a grin, moving to the back where the freezer of Ice was.

“No… taking care of the store today!” was his reply and Y/N just laughed.

“Well, I’ll bring you a plate of food. How does that sound Mr. Jones?”

“You are too sweet Y/N. Thank you.” Was his reply.

The sound of the store bell chimed, and Y/N didn’t mind it, she kept looking for those stupid candies that Ashley liked so much. ‘Pregnant women…’ Y/N thought with a soft giggle and shook her head.

By the time she had two bags of ice and a bunch of Laffy Taffy, she moved to the front of the store. “Mr. Brown, do you still-“

BANG

“NO!”

“DUDE WHAT DID YOU DO!”

“IDIOT! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE GUN!”

“SHE APPEARED OUT OF NO WHERE!”

“SHIT! RUN!”

Y/N fell back too the ground, everything she had been holding now forgotten on the floor alongside her.

The voices around her becoming muffled as she felt an unbearable pain in her stomach. It was a hot, glowing pain. She could barley keep her eyes opened as she laid there. Mr. Jones calling out to her, Y/N catching glimpse and pieces of his words.

“Y/N…. ok…. You’ll…. Hospital…”

Not remembering much after that.

Collin’s POV:

We heard the gunshot and looked at each other. “Yo.. Ashley!” Collin yelled out to the women who was inside the house. “Is Y/N back yet?” he asked nearing the house.

“No... not yet…” Ashley too looked nervous.

Dashing out the house, hearing Ashley yell to Miles to go with him. The two men rushed to the store. Seeing three guys rush out, each with a gun and a mask covering their face.

“no…” Collin whispered and ran faster.

Bursting through the door of the store, the first thing Collin saw was Mr. Jones talking rapidly on the phone asking for an ambulance, explaining that there was a girl shot.

That’s when Collin saw her, on the floor soaked in her own blood with the ice and candy sprawled around her.

“Y/N… stay awake ok? You’ll be fine! The ambulance is coming to take you to the hospital!” Mr. Jones called to the girl and Collin rushed over to her.

Miles entering a little bit after him, Collin barely noticed as all he saw was Y/N laying there. “Wake up baby… come on.” he whispered and put pressure on the bullet wound, grabbing the cloth that Miles handed him to cover it.

By the time the ambulance arrived, Collin was allowed into the back with Y/N as long as he wasn’t in the way.

“Ten minutes to the hospital!” the driver called back to the EMTs and all they could do was keep an eye on her vitals and keep her alive.

“You can talk to her…” one of them told Collin who nodded and got closer to his girl.

“Hey baby girl… please stay alive for me. I can’t lose you…” he whispered to her and looked down at her with eyes filled with tears. “I love you… OK? I just want to let you know that I love you. A lot. Never forget that.” He added.

“I… I love yo-“ but she couldn’t continue and Collin moved out of the way when Y/N flatlined, the EMTs had to take over.

Thankfully they arrived at the hospital as they brought her back and had a heartbeat. Collin was a mess as he tried to follow them into the emergency room.

“Sir! Please! You have to wait in the waiting room!” A nurse told him and had to push him back. “SIR! Let the doctors do their job!” she tried to reason with him but Collin couldn’t hear he wanted to see his girl. Make sure she was ok.

“Collin!” Miles voice broke him from his inner thoughts, turning to see his best friend. The two met in a hug and Miles brought the man over to the waiting room.

Seconds turned to minutes that turned to hours. He just wanted to know how Y/N was. Where was she? Why hasn’t anyone come to get him yet?

“Yo, is someone gonna give us any fucking information on our girl?” Miles stood up yelling, only calming when Ashley placed a hand on his arm.

Collin got up and went to the nursed station. “Excuse me… I would like to know how Y/N L/N is doing? She came in with the ambulance with a gunshot wound.” He asked the nurse, voice of pure exhaustion.

As she typed away on the computer, she glanced up at the man. “What are you of hers?” she asked.

“Her fiancé.” He simply said, and the nurse nodded.

Being told to wait, she got up to go grab the doctor.

“Her surgery just ended.” He told his friends and paced around.

By the time the doctor came and told them Y/N was going to be ok, that she was just sleeping and under a lot of medication for the pain. He looked at Collin.

“Were you aware that, Ms. L/N was with child?” the doctor asked, a sad look in his eyes. When Collin shook his head, the doctor sighed. “I’m sorry… but the fetus… there was nothing we could do.” With that he left and Collin looked at his friends.

“Oh… Collin..” Ashley stepped forward.

Shaking his head, Collin rushed out of the hospital and started punching the wall outside. Miles had to rush over to him and pull him away, but Collin couldn’t hear anything his friend was saying. His mind was on his girl and the baby he didn’t even know about. The baby who never even had a chance to survive.

Being led back inside, Collin was taken to a room to have his hand looked at and wrapped. Knuckles bloody and the skin was broken and bleeding from the assault on the brick wall.

By the time he was allowed to see Y/N, Collin sat beside her bed and held her hand. Trying to keep it together for the two of them.

“Collin…” a shaky voice called out to him, causing the man to sit up quickly and see that he had fallen asleep in the chair and it was morning already.

“Hey sweety… you’ll be ok. Don’t move… do you remember what happened?” he asked her as he pressed the button to call the nurse. Not wanting to leave her side.

“I… I was shot.” She managed to get out and coughed, only to cry out in pain.

A nurse soon entered and went to fix the IV drip, saying she would give a little more for the pain.

The next few days, Collin, Miles and Ashley took turns being with Y/N at the hospital. By the time came they were allowed to go home, Y/N looked at Collin confused as to why the doctor was telling her about the bleeding and spotting and what to expect.

“What… but I wasn’t-“ Collin cut her off by grabbing her hand.

“You… it looks like you were pregnant babygirl… Around three months.” He whispered and placed a hand on her cheek, thumb brushing a tear that made its way from her eye and down her cheek.

“It’s not your fault… OK? The gunshot… it…” but he didn’t know what to say. Only wrap his arms around her body and kissed the top of her head. Allowing her to cry into his chest.

“You can leave whenever you want. The paperwork has been taken care of. Just make sure she takes it easy.” The doctor told Collin who nodded and went back to cradling his girl in his arms.

“How… how can you mourn someone you never even knew existed?” Y/N voice broke his train of thoughts. “I didn’t even… I thought I might be… there was tests at home for me to take… but.” She glanced up at Collin who was frowning.

“Like I said, it’s not your fault. OK?” he tilted his head as he looked down at Y/N. “We still have so much time to have a family. SO many milestones to reach together.” He added and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Present Time:

That’s how the couple became stronger. Though Collin could see her moments of sadness every now and again. Hand placed on her stomach where a small bump should have been.

Taping the box up, Collin got up and wrapped his arms around Y/N. “You ok, princess?” he asked softly. The two in the process of getting ready to move from their town to the city.

Collin had been accepted in UCLA and Y/N had gotten a job at one of the nicest hotels in the city there. The two were moving up in life. Not that Miles was very happy, but after what had happened so close to his home. Both Miles and Ashley were looking into moving out with them soon. In the end they were like family, both Y/N and Collin also had to be around for the birth of their godson.

“I will be ok. I promise.” She assured her boyfriend and turned around to face him. “I love you.” She smiled and giggled when Collin pressed their foreheads together. “Come on… lets finish packing up.” She pushed him away, only to laugh when Y/N was pulled back in and the two shared a kiss.

“We’re gonna be ok, babygirl.” He assured her and she nodded in agreement, the two kissing once again before going to finish packing up the home they had been sharing. Ready for the big move.

“Yeah… we are.” She said softly, looking down to the engagement ring on her left hand and smiled before going back to packing.

#collin hoskins x reader #Collins hoskins x reader #collin hoskins #daveed diggs #daveed #daveed x reader #daveed diggs x reader #daveed diggs x ofc #daveed diggs x yn #blindspotting

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukka Soulmate AU part 8

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

@ari-shipping-stuff

@knightedbot

@idkhowbutimgayer

@swampy-beans

@angrylittleintrovert

Zuko stepped outside just as the sun finally peaked over the horizon. His blue ribbon not tied half proudly around his right wrist. He stretched his arms above his head with a yawn only to be startled by someone running out of a small alley with a green spirit mask on and a bow in hand with a quiver of arrows on their hip.

The person only gave them a side glance before darting to the roof and an disappearing. Leaving Zuko to deal with the angry earthkingdom noble who came out of the alley with a scowl. "Young man! Did you see a green masked man?"

Zuko just stared at him sleepily "no?"

"You sound unsure"

"I only just stepped out si-" Zuko jumped when he felt a hand on his waist. Turning he found Sokka with his hair down standing beside him. He froze, oh.

"Whats going on Zuko?" Sokka yawned

"Oh! I'm sorry to disturb you and your soulmate, have a wonderful morning" the nobel then scurried off back down the alley.

The duo blinked and Zuko moved over away from Sokka's hand and cleared his throat "I was just stepping out for some fresh air and someone ran out then this noble guy started questioning me"

Sokka nodded "okay, but why are you up so early?"

"Im a firebender Sokka, I rise with the sun"

"Hey! Shh! You may not care that people know your a firebender but if you let people from this village know we could all be in danger" Sokka whisper yelled

"Okay, okay, I get it, by the way I saw a library on the way to the Inn that had a tea shop inside, I think it opens in a couple hours might be a good plan to check out some books, might even have some maps of smaller areas"

"Hm, I do like maps" Sokka said with a grin

"You do? I though Aang was the one reading the maps"

"Aang? He can't read a map to save his life, my dad taught me how to read a map before he left with his fleet so I can figure out any map atlas I need to" Sokka said with his hands on his hips.

Zuko smiled "oh? Is that so? Well then how about we go after breakfast?"

"Sounds good to me... by the way... I like the ribbon, but it'd look nicer on your neck, would you mind if I tied it there?"

Zuko flushed bright red "I uh! I actually avoided tying it around my neck because I know it is a similar style to water tribe betrothal necklaces so uh.. yeah, Ive been uh, avoiding that.. uh.. I mean I know its not an actual one but its a similar make and so I was trying to uh... avoid wearing it like one" he looked down and avoided all eye contact

Sokka took a moment and then laughed "I think thats the most I've heard you say, oh gods you are a treat.. but for real, a betrothal necklace has to be carved so this isnt like one in any way, plus the band is normally leather and this is silk so"

Zuko held his hand out to Sokka for him to untie it, which he did and then moved behind him and brought the band in front of him with gentle hands "you know, I used to tie Katara's necklace for her"

Zuko gave a small sigh when he felt the silk touch the skin of his neck "oh? You two seem close" he said with a small voice

With a laugh Sokka tied the silk ribbon in small bow "well of course we are, we're siblings during a war, that kinda thing will make family close you know" after finishing the bow Sokka leaned his chin on Zuko's shoulder

"Not all families" Zuko sighed out

"Hey, it made you and your Uncle close right? That counts for something"

"And Jee" Zuko mumbled

"Jee? The guy with you and your uncle?"

"Yeah, hes like a brother I guess" Zuko shrugged

They were both started by Aang bolting out the door looking for them and when his eye landed on them, seeing Sokka with his hands on Zuko's hips and his chin on his shoulder he grinned mischievously "hi there love birds"

Zuko let out a groan and pushed off Sokka's hands before storming inside mumbling "shut up Aang" with a bright red face.

"Youve been waiting to say that for ages haven't you?" Sokka glared and Aang nodded "well, too bad, I was just helping him with his necklace and we're both tired so I was resting"

Later on they all went to the library that Zuko mentioned, Aang and Katara wandering off to find the tea corner with Iroh and Toph, Jee spotting the owner and chatting him up. So that left Sokka and Zuko to search for maps, catching a boy their age organizing the shelves.

"Uh, excuse us, do you work here?" Zuko asked quietly.

The boy turned a bit too fast and one of his braids hit his nose before he swung it behind his shoulder. "Yes, sorry, Im Tarren, how can I help you?" The boy smiled and looked at the two scars "oh! You two are soulmates aren't you! You look so lovely together" he clasped his hands, Lily would absolutely gush over a fire and water pair"

"Woah woah, what do you mean fire?" Sokka said with a raised brow

"Did you... not notice your mate's golden eyes? Only powerful firebenders have golden eyes like his" he smiled "its nothing bad, firebenders are more than welcome here, one of our favorite customers is a firebender, he usually comes in around..." Tarren turned to look at a small sundial reflection "oh, around now... one moment"

The boy flicked his own wrist "Lily! Put on Kurt's ginger tea!"

"I already have! We have a customer here that requested it!" A young woman's voice could be heard from the far corner of the library

"Good, good, anyways, what were you looking for?"

"Maps"

"Oh, right over here, what area or areas were you looking to have maps of"

"Well, the firenation for one, and a few towns and cities in the earth kingdom" Sokka said with a pep in his step

"You seem to like maps" Tarren said with a grin

"I do! Its one of the few things I'm good at!" He said in a fairly chipper tone which caught both Tarren and Zuko off guard

"Hoooold on boomerang" Zuko grabbed the back of his tunic "you do so much more than just read maps, from what I've seen youre the only one capable of keeping this group sane, you a pretty good hand to hand fighter and whats more you're the only one capable of diffusing situations without any violence"

"Yeah, but I'm also the only one without any fancy bending" Sokka shrugged

"Who cares about that? You're a better fighter than any of them, and besides give me some time to train you with swords and you'll be even better"

"Hey now! Lily is a nonbender and can kick my ass and probably all of your bender asses with just a small blade and a few fancy steps" he jabbed a finger towards them

The duo stopped and looked at him "the girl you called out to earlier?"

Tarren blinked and awkwardly put his hand down and brushed the front of his uniform with a clear of his throat "right, yes, right, uh... sorry about that" he turned towards the direction of Lily "this scar his hers" he brushed a large burn on his right arm

"Im sure theres a big story there" Sokka said

"Yeah, there is, uh! But those maps!" Tarren then turned and skimmed his hand along several scrolls tapping three of them before lifting his hand and twisting it to bend the stone behind them, catching them in his other hand "here you go! You should probably join your friends over at Lily's tea corner, seems she's gotten into her story with them."

"How do you?" Zuko didnt get to finish before Tarren lifted his finger to show a small cut on his finger

"She normally breaks a cup when she talks about it... she has a deadly grip, works great with her training but terribly with serving tea" he smiled but then jumped when he heard the door open with a little bell "Kurt's here" he whispered before rushing off to greet Kurt only to freeze when he rounded the corner.

The duo rounded the same corner to find a short boy with firenation clothes and a torn right sleeve which revealed a matching scar to Tarren and apparently Lily. He had an awkward grin on his face and waved "heeeyyy Tarren, uh, I need to hide for a bit, and maybe a bit of a fix up?"

Zuko and Sokka looked at eachother and watched as Tarren slapped the back of his hand multiple times while calling out to Lily and shouting for Fin who was two aisles over. But by the time they got there Kurt fell and Tarren just barely caught him. He was out cold.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar: the last airbender #prince zuko #zuko #atla zuko #zuko cosplay #atla oc #atla sokka #sokka #zukka #i will die on my endless soulmate au hill #soulmate alternate universe #soulmates #soulmate #RayMakesSoulmates

[fics-of-my-mind]

Trust - Chapter IV.

'I mean...,' I bit my bottom lip, thinking about my next words. 'You definitely seem like someone who would lay a girl over your lap when something wasn't going your way.'

I could see him sharply inhale as an effect of my words. I was satisfied with the reaction.

'What else do you think I'd do to her?' he asked in a slightly rougher voice. He was keeping his cool, no expression on his face. I could feel my blush returning, but I didn't care anymore.

'Mark her skin.'

'Define.' It was more of an order than a request and I didn't even think about refusing to answer. I started feeling really hot between my legs and fidgeting wasn't helping anymore.

'Your palm prints would show on her ass. Love bites on her neck and collarbone. Maybe even your fingertips on her hips if you are rough enough,' I said slowly, weighing every word. As embarrassed as I felt minutes earlier, now excitement and desire took over my mind. Nick seemed entertained, only a smug smile playing on his lips.

'Would I also pleasure her?' he asked with a dark glance, still not moving his eyes and not shifting in his seat at all.

'Of course. She'd have no reason to be unsatisfied.'

Warnings: mature content, BDSM content Pairing: Nick Jonas / Other Female Character This fanfiction can also be found on Wattpad by fnntth

I don’t own Nick Jonas or any other recognizable characters. This fanfiction is completely fictional, its only purpose is entertainment.

Chapter IV. - Yeah tonight, I’m gonna fly

Nick’s texts are bold

Milla’s texts are italic

what are you doing?

It's Saturday

so Netflix? :D

Netflix

Ever since the first time he texted me, about two or three weeks ago, we've been constantly texting. It was nice, having someone to talk to all the time. Due to the 9 hour time difference between us, we weren't in sync at all. Most of the times I was already working while he was asleep and when he went to bed at night, I was already up, ready to start my day.

It was weird, a little bit hard to get used to, but still worth it. During the weeks I got to know little things about him, like in fact, he ate an omelet with feta cheese and spinach almost every day, that he liked to work out in the mornings rather than in the evenings, that he talked to his brothers every few days and he sometimes spent long hours without getting out of his home studio.

We talked about everything. Our likes, dislikes, families, jobs, dogs, our favorite Netflix movies or series, food, drinks, plus every random thing we'd find on the internet. The only thing that never made it into the conversation was Priyanka, which bothered me less than it should've. I've been home for weeks now, completely alone, only leaving the apartment for dog walks and for going to grocery shopping. The Face Time and Teams calls, as good as they were, never made up for the lack of human contact.

Talking to Nick took my mind of it almost completely. He's called me a couple of times, usually from his home studio – I guess that was where his wife would never bother him -, and we've spent hours talking about everything and nothing. On our third talk I've realized that I couldn't refer to him anymore as a complete stranger – I've shared things with him that I wasn't even comfortable sharing with my best friends.

I felt so free talking to him, letting go of my inhibitions and of the fear of the conversation turning awkward. I never really felt like this about anyone, and honestly the thought of Nick being the person who knew about my thoughts on the deepest level made me feel like I was in some ridiculous fanfiction. Things like this didn't happen in real life. They just didn't.

Maybe the knowledge that probably we weren't ever going to see each other again made me open up to him. Maybe the fact that he was married and there was no chance for my teenage girl fantasies to come true, made me act naturally around him. Whatever it was, it took my thoughts off of the quarantine and the current situation and I couldn't be more grateful.

I usually had this fear of being too much for the people around me. When I liked someone – as a friend -, I really loved them. I was the kind of person, who only had a few close friends, but would do anything for them. When I was thinking about those few people closest to me, there was nothing I wouldn't have done for them. I wanted to know about their lives, hang out with them and not being involved in something usually made me sad. And I was always afraid that this quality of mine would throw some people off, they'd thing I'm just too much, that I'm trying too hard.

So, I tried to keep it cool with Nick. Usually he was the one calling me and we'd only start up a conversation when he'd send the first text. After that we'd keep texting constantly, but since he was, well, Nick Jonas and he was the married one, I was careful. I didn't want to text him at the wrong time or call him when Priyanka was around. I mean, who would be happy if their husband kept texting some unknown girl...

how 'bout a call tonight?

haven't heard your voice for days

When he said things like this, my heart would usually start to race. Even though my brain was aware that there was a 0.0001 chance of anything ever happening between us, he was still one of the first few guys in my life that'd write something like this. I didn't mind it. It's been a while since I've had a crush on anyone, and who would be more perfect for this role than Nick? I've had a crush on him for the greater part of my life anyway.

Okay.

What time?

around 10ish?

My time or your time?

your night, my afternoon :)

Okay. :)

At the first time, I was so nervous when he has announced that he was going to call me. You see, I was someone who always found something to worry about. I was a mess. Then, into a few minutes of the conversation all of my concerns were gone. He's just had that effect on me, his voice was like a sedative for my nerves.

When I shared this with him, he's gotten used to calling me unannounced, not leaving lime for me to worry. It was better, and I've started truly appreciating it just now when my mind was all around the place again. He's left me about three hours to worry about nothing.

I tried calming my nerves with some series binge-watching, and the turning to my all-time favorite relaxing activity, my face care routine. I've cleaned, scrubbed, moisturized my face and the I threw up a face mask. It wasn't very effective, didn't make me any calmer but at least my skin looked flawless.

By 10 PM I was sitting on my couch, wearing some black yoga pants and a black top with only some sports bra. My hair was still slightly wet from my shower and I was wrapping myself up in my Harry Potter blanket when Nick called. On FaceTime.

Now, I was worried about all of the things that could go wrong during our call, like Priyanka walking on, or me saying something I shouldn't have said. Never has it ever cross my mind that Nick would just casually FaceTime me.

On normal days, I was wearing makeup. I was working for a beauty company, on a makeup brand, so any time my face was natural, I felt like something was missing, therefore I wasn't as confident as otherwise. Now there was nothing on my skin, except for some lip balm and I felt like panicking.

Not that the fact that Nick was FaceTiming me wasn't enough reason for panicking. I haven't seen his face for more than a month now – well, except on YouTube videos and on Instagram – and as much as I was looking forward to it, I was also anxious.

just answer it!

don't overthink it please

I looked at his text, and kind of hated the fact that he got to know me so well in mere weeks that he knew what was going on in my head. I so wanted to decline and call him back in a regular call, but somehow I could feel the authority in his text and decided that it wouldn't lead anywhere, he'd just call me back on FaceTime. After a deep breath hit the 'accept' button on my MacBook.

'You didn't mention anything about FaceTime,' I said with displeasure as soon as his handsome face showed up on my screen. God, I've missed seeing it.

'Thought I'd surprise you,' he shrugged, but there was a smug smile on his face. 'Hello Beautiful.'

'I don't like surprises,' I rolled my eyes. I didn't feel beautiful, not without makeup and in my home clothes, but Nick didn't seem to mind my outfit as he examined my face.

'Sush, you love them. Especially if the surprise includes me,' he said, all cheeky.

'Nick...'

'I just thought,' he started a bit more seriously. 'That we haven't been face to face since we've met. And it was time.' His face was honest, like he really wanted to see me. I bit my lips, thinking of a proper answer. 'I just love seeing your reactions,' he added, which made me roll my eyes again and earn another chuckle from him.

'Aren't you afraid that your wife will walk in and see you FaceTime another woman?' I asked the question, making his face lose the smile and the ease. I didn't want to ruin his mood, I was just worried. It wouldn't lead to anything good if Priyanka walked in the room and realized that Nick was talking to someone.

He pressed his lips together in a thin line and frowned. For a few seconds he didn't say anything, which made the anxiety in me rise.

'No,' he said slowly, wetting his lips with his tongue, which made me feel funny in my stomach. My reactions to him were ridiculous. 'Pri isn't home, she went to see a friend.'

'And what if she comes home?'

'I don't want to talk about her, Milla' he replied, putting the emphasis on my name. I didn't want to let it go, I knew that I couldn't let the worry go away completely if he wasn't a 100% sure that he was alone. He wasn't even in his music studio like when we usually talked, but somewhere which seemed like a living room. I opened my mouth, but he shot me up before I could say anything else. 'Milla.' My name sounded like a warning from his mouth and I couldn't help but nod.

Nobody has ever had an effect like this on me. I couldn't quite place it. Usually I was independent and stubborn, and wouldn't drop something that I wanted to talk about like this. But when Nick said, no, commanded that I let it go, I – almost – instantly obliged. It was honestly scary and it wasn't just about me being afraid that he will get tired of me. It was something else.

'Okay,' I agreed to his request, for whatever reason trusting that he knew when his wife would be home and trying to let go of the fear of her walking in. It wasn't a good feeling, I felt like a dirty little secret, even when we weren't doing more than talking.

'Good,' he nodded, satisfied with my answer. 'So I have a new neighbor.'

'Really?' I rolled my eyes. 'Of course, in Hollywood what would be a better program during quarantine than real-estate buying?' I said with much irony.

Sometimes Nick told me stories about the rich and famous acquaintances he had, and most of the times he'd laugh with me about the craziness. As rich as he himself was, he could still laugh at the crazy rich, like the Kardashians. It was surreal, hearing real life stories about people that I've only known before from Instagram and the celebrity news websites.

'You can laugh all you want, but people have time now to actually see some offers for real, and not just buy something that their agent recommends' he said.

'You're also buying a new house, aren't you?' I asked, suspicious about his answer. He ran his hand through the hair on the back of his head.

'I've been looking at some listings. Real-estate is always a great investment,' he shrugged. 'By the way, it's Encino, not Hollywood,' he corrected.

'Well, it's still LA, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' Nick nodded. 'So aren't you curious about my new neighbor?'

'Should I?' I asked, amused about his irritation for my lack of curiosity. Of course, I was curious, especially if he thought it'd be interesting. 'Who is it?'

'It's the guy who played in Fifty Shades of Grey,' he announced.

'Mr. Grey? Oh my God,' I grinned. I loved him probably much more than I loved the movie, since it was awful. When I first read the books, they weren't too bad though.

'Well, he usually goes by Jamie, but sure,' he chuckled.

'And will he move in, or is it just an investment?'

'I ran into him yesterday, he said he'll keep it as a holiday home.'

'I wonder if there is an RROP in it,' I said, only realizing what had just slipped my mouth when it was already out. I instantly covered my mouth, trying to take it back, even though it was only meant as a joke. Nick looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

'RROP?' he asked, and the tingling in my stomach has gotten worse instantly. Hearing him say the letters made me want to crawl out of my skin. I instantly regretted that Fifty Shades used to be a thing that I've fangirled about. 'What is that short for?'

'Nothing,' I replied quickly. I could feel the heat crawling up to my face.

'It's clearly not nothing. You're blushing,' he stated, and I had to run my palm through my face in embarrassment. Truth is, he was pretty good at making me blush, though he's never seen it through the phone. Now he could see everything on my face. 'C'mon, Milla.'

'Will you just drop it, please?' I asked in a small voice. I really felt embarrassed and he really enjoyed it, as the smirk on his face revealed.

'Nope,' he said, popping the 'P'. I groaned in frustration and covered my face in my palms.

'RROP stands for Red Room of Pain.'

After I said the words, it was quiet for way too long. I didn't dare to look up into the camera, and even if I was dying to see his expression and try to get a read on his face, I was way too embarrassed. This wasn't something you'd just bring up in a conversation like this, and even if we could've just let this topic go, I had a feeling that Nick had something else on his mind.

It both scared and excited me.

We've already touched on this topic, when back in Barcelona I called him dominant. He neither refused nor confirm it back then, but ever since we've been talking, he had some tells. I was quite sure now that he was, in fact dominating, just as I was sure that he knew what a Red Room of Pain was and I didn't have to go into details. Hell, maybe he's already been in one. Maybe he had his own in that mansion he was living in.

'Now why couldn't you tell me that?' he asked eventually, making me let my arms drop and looking back at the screen. He looked at me with an expressionless face, but I could sense the intrigue radiating off him, even through the screen.

'Well,' I started, licking my bottom lip. 'Because it's embarrassing.'

'Thinking about things that interest you?' he asked in his deep voice. 'I mean, from that heated reaction it's quite obvious that you're interested,' he added.

Honestly, I was interested in this. I think Fifty Shades was the thing that made me dive deeper into the BDSM world, to read about it, learn about it. It excited me, and even though I've never tried anything, it was a constantly part of my daydreams. Well, my daydreams in connection with sex.

'No, not thinking about them,' I shook my head. It was easy to open up to Nick about a lot of things, but this was different. This was something that I've only had a real conversation about in my mind. 'Talking about them is different though.'

'I want you to feel free to talk about anything with me. I thought we are over this,' he said frowning. He wasn't happy with my answer, I could tell. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't identify.

'We are, but this... It's not something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone,' I sighed, quite frustrated with this topic. I never expected the conversation to turn like this, but I could only blame myself. Well, and Nick for not letting it go.

'What? Sex?' he asked, raising his eyebrows, and as he said the word 'sex', I shifted in my position, feeling uncomfortable.

'Yes. It's just not something I go around talking about with everyone,' I shrugged. Nick looked at me for a long minute, with a gaze so deep as if he could see into my soul. I fidgeted again.

'No,' he shook his head. 'You don't talk about this with anyone. You've never talked about sex with anyone,' he said slowly, still shaking his head. I hated when he analyzed me.

'Nick.'

'I know you never had a long-term boyfriend, but not even with your sexual partners? Friends? No one?' he asked, and suddenly I was feeling like he was judging me. I didn't like this.

'I'm not a prude, Nick,' I said. I really wasn't. I mean, I don't really think any prude would be interested in BDSM.

'I know that,' he nodded, raising his hand apologetically. 'I didn't mean to be insensitive.'

I sighed. I know he didn't mean it, but this whole conversation was making me uncomfortable, yet excited. This was probably the first thing I felt weird talking about with him, but then again, it would've been uncomfortable with anyone else. Probably even more so...

'Of course I talked about sex with my friends,' I said eventually, giving in. His face was way too remorseful, and I didn't want him to feel sorry about bringing up a topic which was natural. Especially since I am the one that accidentally brought it up. 'But not about my deepest interests. We aren't that kind of friends that just share these things.'

'Do you think we can be the kind of friends that do share these things?' he asked with genuine interest on his face.

'Why do you want to talk about this so much?' I asked, wanting to understand his motives. It's one thing that I've had no one to talk about it with, but him... He was married for God's sake.

'Because I'm interested in whatever is going on in your head.'

'Why?'

'You fascinate me,' he shrugged. I looked at him with my mouth open. Fascinate. I don't think that was a word that anyone has ever said about me. Especially not to my face. 'Your reactions are really something else.'

I hummed, trying to process his honesty. I had no idea what we were doing, where this was heading to. But seeing the look on his face, I didn't want to shot him down, I didn't want to disappoint him.

'Okay, it interests me,' I admitted, jumping back to the original topic.

'Sex, or...?' he asked hesitantly, clearly not wanting to push me.

'BDSM.'

'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?' he chuckled smugly.

'But I think, it also interests you,' I added. I just hoped that I was in fact right and wasn't heading towards another great embarrassment.

'What makes you think that?' he asked, raising his eyebrows, but there was a smirk on his lips.

'I already told you Nick, you're a dominant little fuck. It shows,' I shrugged, with a smile in the corner of my mouth.

'Am I really?' He was smug, never moving his gaze from mine. It was a dangerous game, guessing. Somehow I felt like I was right. I also felt like he wasn't just going to admit it, but suddenly, talking about this with him, I had to know. So I had to find another way.

'I mean...,' I bit my bottom lip, thinking about my next words. 'You definitely seem like someone who would lay a girl over your lap when something wasn't going your way.'

I could see him sharply inhale as an effect of my words. I was satisfied with the reaction.

'What else do you think I'd do to her?' he asked in a slightly rougher voice. He was keeping his cool, no expression on his face. I could feel my blush returning, but I didn't care anymore.

'Mark her skin.'

'Define.' It was more of an order than a request and I didn't even think about refusing to answer. I started feeling really hot between my legs and fidgeting wasn't helping anymore.

'Your palm prints would show on her ass. Love bites on her neck and collarbone. Maybe even your fingertips on her hips if you are rough enough,' I said slowly, weighing every word. As embarrassed as I felt minutes earlier, now excitement and desire took over my mind. Nick seemed entertained, only a smug smile playing on his lips.

'Would I also pleasure her?' he asked with a dark glance, still not moving his eyes and not shifting in his seat at all.

'Of course. She'd have no reason to be unsatisfied.'

'Elaborate.' Came the next command. I rolled my eyes. 'Don't roll your eyes at me!' His voice was still calm but it had a hidden edge that made me quail.

'Sorry,' I said, wetting my lips. His glance moved to my lips, then back to my eyes. 'I think you'd make her wait, torture her, refusing to kiss her where she wants you the most.'

'Where is that?' he asked, and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at him again. Of course, he was going to make me say it out loud.

'On her clit.'

'Would I only use my tongue?'

'At first,' I nodded, feeling very hot in my clothes. I'm sure that my panties were already soaked with my wetness. 'Then you'd add a finger. Then one more. Probably a third one.'

'Would I also pay attention to her breasts?'

'I guess,' I shrugged. Honestly, I have no idea. Boobs have never really been a big turn on for me, but I guess for some people they are. 'And she would also pleasure you.'

'How so?'

'She quite likes to give blowjobs. She would lick you, then try to swallow you.'

'Do you think she can fit me into her mouth?' he asked smugly.

'No way,' I chuckled. 'We've all seen that photoshoot, Nicholas.'

'Would she want me to help?' Came the next question. I needed friction, I needed to move my hand closer to my heat, but I couldn't risk him noticing. We were just talking after all, it would've been super weird.

'Would she want you to fuck her mouth?' I asked with a dry mouth. We were talking about 'her', but we both knew we were talking about me. He nodded, swallowing. 'Yes.'

'How do you think I'd take her?' he asked, his voice now even deeper and slightly hoarse. It made me feel even hotter.

'Up against the wall,' I bit my lip hard as I closed my eyes and imagined the scene before me. This, I was good at, daydreaming, imagining scenes that haven't happened. 'Then however you can access her the best.'

'Would I be rough?' I swallowed at his question.

'Yes. She'd want you not to hold back.'

'Then she doesn't know what she's up against,' he said in his deep voice. 'Eyes on me, Milla.' I opened my eyes, only to see him leaning closer to the monitor. I couldn't see him past his chest region, but there was no way he didn't have a reaction. 'Do you think I'd let her be on top?'

'Perhaps,' I said, biting my lip. 'So she could sink down on you and you can completely fill her up.' I knew my face was red like a tomato, but I didn't care. 'But you'd still have all the control.'

'How would I make her come?' he asked, now breathing a little bit heavier.

'You'd make her come multiple times. With you inside of her, so you could feel her walls pulsating.' Thank God for all of those smutty fanfictions I've read, which provided me with the vocabulary, so I could perfectly express my thoughts to him. 'You'd pull her hair and play with her clit, you'd bite on her shoulder, slap her ass creating friction.'

'Would she be able to come with me?'

'If you get her on edge again, sure.' I resisted the urge to close my eyes again, rather I concentrated on the man on my screen. 'So am I right?' I asked.

'About what?'

'About you being dominant.' He licked his lips before answering, and I really really wanted to touch myself at that.

'I do like control,' he nodded. I was right, wow. I grinned at him and he ran his hand through his stubble. 'How wet are you right now?'

'Nick!' I gasped. This was something I didn't expect. We have been talking about an imaginative 'she' up until now after all.

'How wet?' he repeated, not seeming amused about my modesty anymore. He expected an answer and I've never felt this embarrassed in my life. 'Milla,' he said my name impatiently.

'Wet,' I said, dropping my glance to my lap. I couldn't help it, I just wasn't this confident person who felt comfortable talking about this face to face.

'Are your panties dripping?' he asked, and I looked up at him with shock on my face. 'I want you to check.' Our gazes connected and as much as I wanted to deny his order, something in me didn't let me. I dipped between my legs.

'I can feel my wetness through my yoga pants,' I said quietly, almost whispering.

'Good,' he replied smugly. 'I want you to think about the scene we've just played through when you touch yourself tonight,' he said.

Before I could reply anything in my shock, he disconnected the call.

#nick jonas #nick jonas imagine #nick jonas fanfiction #nick jonas fic #nick x reader #nick jonas x reader #jonas brothers #jonas brothers fanfiction #jonas brothers imagine #fanfiction

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

#ask #mine

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

----------------------------------

“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

----------------------------------------------

Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

--------------------------

Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

------------------------------------------------

We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

----------------------------------------

A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

#vikings #vikings history channel #vikings fanfiction #vikings fandom #ivar #ivar the boneless #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar x reader #ivar the god #bjorn #Bjorn Ironside #bjorn lothbrok #bjorn x reader #Hvitserk #vikings hvitserk #hvitserk x reader #hvitty #Ragnar Lothbrok #ragnarsdottir #ragnar x lagertha #lagertha #requests are open #arthur pendragon #arthur #king arthur

[queercapwriting]

prompt from the wonderful Deanlu: “Cap!! Well done. If your taking requests...superreigncorp - Kara's infected with red kryptonite by Cadmus and goes after Lena. Sam was defend Lena. Awful things get said and Sam ends up injuring Kara badly to protect Lena. The three have a heart to heart at the DEO where Kara thanks Sam for stopping her. Alex and Maggie are there too.”

“You have to, Sam. Please. I’m so sorry. But please.” 

Alex’s jaw is set and Sam’s eyes are wide, like if she wishes it hard enough, nothing Alex is saying to her will be true.

That Cadmus didn’t get a hold of her girlfriend. 

That they didn’t infect her with red kryptonite.

That Alex isn’t suiting up to fight her own sister and asking Sam to do the same.

“I might be able to talk her down,” Alex’s voice definitely hitches this time, “but if we’ve gotta restrain her at any point, you’re our safest bet.”

“She won’t go after Ruby.” Sam says it like a statement, but Alex knows damn well that it’s a question.

And that’s when her voice hitches again. Dammit.

“No. She’s not. Sam.” Alex takes her hand, this time, and that’s when Sam’s stomach really plummets. “According to the tracker in her suit, she’s going after Lena.”

Sam doesn’t wait for Alex.

She doesn’t wait for anyone.

She flies.

She only catches the tail end of it. The things Kara’s saying to their girlfriend. The things about her family, her worth. Exactly what she thinks of Lena’s appropriateness for the Luthor family name and exactly what she thinks of why a Super would ever want to sleep with a Luthor.

“Kara, you’re ill, you don’t really mean any of this,” Lena’s trying. She’s trying, but it’s a voice Sam knows better than she would like to.

It’s Lena’s broken voice.

The one where she’s saying things, talking out loud, but believes none of it. The voice where she believes every terrible thing anyone will throw at her, about herself.

“Kara,” Sam calls, no mask. Because if this is going to work, Kara needs to see her face.

Kara freezes, and when she turns to her other girlfriend, she sneers.

It looks unfamiliar on her face.

Unfamiliar, and horrific.

It’s the worst thing Sam’s ever seen, and she’s seen more than her share.

“Don’t hurt her, Sam,” Lena begs, even though she’s bleeding. Even though she’s shaking and trembling because she’s damn good in a fight, but she’s only human, after all.

“I’ll try, Lena,” Sam tells her, soft and gentle, but her eyes never leave Kara’s face.

“You’ll fail,” Kara’s sneer only sets deeper into her face, and her voice is low and deep and usually, that’s sexy as hell.

Now, it just tears Sam to shreds.

“I mean really, it’s kind of awesome.” Kara’s smiling now, flying slowly away from Lena and toward Sam - good, that’s what they need, good, good, a little more - and her laugh is even worse than her sneer. “Think about it, Reign. You hurt me to protect Lena, and you’ll lose her. You don’t hurt me, and you’re still losing. Because really, do you even want to stop me? You were born for this, Sam. It’s your birthright. So really, not hurting me? Not stopping me? You fail at being human, at being a mother.” 

She says it with such disdain that Sam nearly shudders, nearly loses her grip on the air around her. On her will to live.

Kara’s flying backwards, towards Lena, as she talks. 

Sam has no idea what she plans to do. But they’re above the deck of Lena’s penthouse and it’s too risky to take any chances.

She tightens her fists and tries to black out her girlfriend’s voice. Tries to watch her body, instead, tries to read what threat it holds, this time.

“Which means you succeed at what really matters. At being a supervillain. So really, either way you choose, Reign, you can’t escape your true-”

Sam blasts Kara out of the sky, just as she’s about to get close to Lena again.

Kara falls.

Sam flies.

She catches her.

There’s still blood on her forehead.

But she’s unconscious. 

Alex can treat her.

Alex can make her better.

Physically.

Who knows how the rest will happen.

Lena doesn’t need stitches, but it still takes everything Maggie has to get her to sit still long enough for one of the DEO medics to get her cleared.

Sam doesn’t need anything, medically, but it still takes everything Vasquez has to get her to take an anti-anxiety pill designed just for her.

And Kara.

They keep Kara unconscious until Alex can leech the red K from her system.

Alex cries while she works.

She thinks no one notices.

They do.

J’onn kisses her forehead and James puts his hand on her shoulder and Winn paces the hallways, occassionally shouting at the walls.

They wait while Alex works. They wait while Kara recovers.

Maggie gets a hold of Winn so he can cry himself out on her shoulder. 

Sam and Lena don’t say a word.

They hold hands and they watch Alex and they wait.

“I’m sorry I hurt her,” Sam says after a long, long while. Her voice sounds like she hasn’t used it in years, and she’s grateful this all happened early in the morning, so Ruby’s still at school.

“You gave her the equivalent of a Kryptonian slap on the back of the head,” Lena tries to comfort her, though she can’t quite meet her eyes.

“She’s my girlfriend. That’s not okay.”

“None of it’s okay,” Lena murmurs, but she squeezes Sam’s hand like maybe she’s not going to break up with her.

“You know none of what she was saying about you was true.”

“You neither,” Lena tells her, and they both believe it of the other.

Neither quite believe it about themselves.

Later, neither of them will be sure who falls asleep on the other’s shoulder first.

But Maggie is definitely the one who put a blanket over them, because they recognize the one she keeps safe in a compartment on the back of her bike for impromptu beach trips.

“Hey,” James kneels in front of them as soon as he realizes they’re awake. “Alex says she can wake Kara whenever you guys are ready. We just didn’t want to wake you.”

Lena grimaces and nods, and Sam does the same. James offers to collect the blanket from them.

“My boyfriend could use it, now: I think he tired himself out from all the crying, and Vasquez probably wants her jacket back.”

Sam and Lena exchange small smiles at the idea of Winn curled up somewhere in the med bay, asleep under Vasquez’s favorite leather jacket.

James hugs them both, and they hug back, hard.

They’ll need it.

They’ll all need it.

“Alex?” Lena asks, soft and slow, as they step into the room where Kara is still unconscious and Maggie is holding Alex from behind.

“Are you ready?” Alex asks, trying to sound like she hasn’t been crying for hours.

She’s not fooling anyone, but no one minds.

Lena and Sam lace their fingers together and step toward Kara’s med chamber.

Sam runs her fingers over the angry bruise on Kara’s cheek from when she fell.

From when Sam made her fall.

She shivers.

Lena kisses her neck.

She shivers again and she nods.

Alex types in some sort of code on Kara’s monitors, and her IV drip changes the tone of its humming.

It takes a few minutes.

No one speaks.

Kara stirs.

And immediately begins to weep.

“Did I kill anyone?” is the first thing she needs to know.

It’s always the first thing she needs to know.

“No, Kara, no. Everyone’s fine. Everyone’s fine,” Alex drops to her knees next to her, on the other side of the bed from where Sam and Lena are. Maggie keeps one hand on Alex’s shoulder, the other balled in a fist in her pocket. Her jaw is set and her eyes are glassy.

All of their eyes are glassy.

“Sam? Lena? Oh, Rao, Alex. Lena.”

“I’m right here, darling. We’re both right here.” She tries to take Kara’s hand, but Kara whines and flinches and curls, as fetal as she can get with the IV still in her hand, shaking her head and rocking into herself.

“I’m so sorry,” is all she can sob for long, long, long moments.

Everyone cries.

Everyone has their own reasons to.

Sam figures out a way to speak first.

“It could have been me,” she tells her girlfriend, one arm firmly around Lena’s waist and the other, reaching to try to get Kara to unclench her hands. “Cadmus could have gotten me, and I could have done some pretty terrible things, Kara. And you’d tell me it wasn’t my fault. You’d tell me it was Cadmus.”

“And I’d be lying,” Kara moaned, and Sam flinched, but nodded, because she knew. She knew. “I wouldn’t blame you, Sam, and I wouldn’t stop loving you. But that wouldn’t keep me from laying awake at night, wondering if one of the women in my bed really does believe these terrible things about me, deep down. Really does want to hurt me, deep down, so damn badly. I wouldn’t know how to not wonder.”

“Do you still wonder about me?” Alex asks, soft and scared, like she’s trying to help, desperately, but also like she’s scared to hear the answer.

Sam and Lena turn to look at Alex, both crying but both confused. Maggie squeezes her girlfriend’s hand, hard. Kara looks stunned. Only Alex’s eyes are steady, even as she bites her bottom lip so hard she might bleed.

“Myriad,” she whispers as explanation. Like Kara needs reminding. 

And while Sam and Lena won’t have the full story, not yet - it’s not something either Danvers woman talks about, not really, not often, not unless they’re beyond drunk or had a particularly grueling day in therapy - they’ll remember Myriad. They’ll be able to put enough pieces together.

“It took me a long time, Alex,” Kara whispers, because it’s true. 

And Alex gets that. 

She remembers what this is like from both sides, not just the one.

“But we’re still us,” Alex reminds her. “And we still really should come with a warning.”

Alex’s voice breaks and Kara lets herself sob into her sister’s chest for a long, long minute before breathing again and turning, trembling, toward her girlfriends.

“I’m sorry,” Sam blurts before Kara gets the chance to speak. “I told Lena I wouldn’t hurt you, and I did, and I should have found a different way to -”

“No.” It’s the first time Kara’s voice is solid since she’s come to.

“No, Sam, no. Thank you. Thank you. I was hurting Lena, and I was hurting you, and it... thank you. I’m sorry I put you in that position. To have to hurt one of your girlfriends to protect the other.” Her voice cracks again, but she shakes her head like she’s making a decision, and she sits up, kissing Alex’s hand before detatching herself and reaching for Lena and Sam.

“You needed to stop me. And I never want you to have to do it again, but if Rao forbid you ever do? Please do exactly the same thing. I don’t know what right I have to ask you to be that strong, but please, Sam. You don’t have to hesitate.”

“I could’ve killed you.”

“And I could’ve killed either of you. Or Rao knows who else.”

“None of this is okay,” Sam whispers, her shoulders sinking. Because it’s not, it’s not, it’s not.

“But it will be,” Lena says, because Kara’s right. She will lay awake at night, and she will wonder if Kara really thinks those terrible things about her, about Sam. 

And Sam will lay awake, wondering the same. 

And Kara will lay awake, wondering if, deep down, she is truly as cruel, as sadistic, as the red K makes her.

They’ll all wonder that, at night. If they are as terrible as the things that were said, were done, were thought, were felt. 

And they’ll all lay there, wondering; but they’ll be laying there, together.

She’s not sure how she knows, but she does.

She’s not sure about anything right now, but she’s sure about that.

“It will be,” she says again, and this time, it’s a promise, and it’s a prayer, and it’s everything.

#superreigncorp #superreigncorp fic #supereigncorp #supereigncorp fic #supercorp #supercorp angst

[phantomdiary]

I feel so sick. I may have found a place to move into so i can end my relationship.

I know this IS what i want and need to do but I’m terrified. The last few times i tried to break up with him, he scared the hell out of me and i ended up staying. But I’ve gotten too comfortable and its making me miserable. I feel guilty going and doing things with people and getting any kind of attention. He wont make time to do things together and part of the reason I don’t push it more is because I don’t want to do them with HIM.

I’m not attracted to him anymore. I haven’t been for a long time. A majority of our relationship has just been me waiting for it to get better. Five years of hoping and wishing he was different. That’s not fair. He’s a good person and shouldn’t change for anyone. I want him to find someone who likes all the things he likes and appreciate who he is.

I came out as bisexual to him three months into our relationship. I don’t have much intimate experience with women and expressed that is something I’d like to explore one day if he can be accepting of that. He said maybe one day and five years later he’s still insecure and possessive about it. Possibly MORE insecure than when we started dating.

I’m terrified about our financial situation. I feel like a jerk leaving him with my half of the rent. But I’m already draining my savings and I still have to pay for this month AND put down a deposit. Plus he makes $4 more an hour than me and has plenty of free time to get a part time gig if he needed to. But who am i kidding, his mommy will probably come to the rescue like she always does. Not to mention he doesn’t have nearly as many bills as i do. I think hell be fine. Maybe ill get out of paying rent if i tell him to keep our security deposit.

I cant feel trapped anymore. He cant hold me hostage over something like that, ill figure something out if it comes to that.

God my brain is just whirling with every possibility and i feel so sick and tired. I just want to be free. The last couple of months I’ve just been wearing a mask and its exhausting. I feel so disgusting saying “i love you” back and trying not to be too distant so he doesnt get suspicious. I have to have a backup plan first, I cant let myself get emotional and end it spur of the moment. That’s really fucking hard for me.

We had sex last night and I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I wanted to start crying. Even Valentine’s Day i had to get wine drunk to fake even a little enjoyment out of it. He deserves more. I know he loves me but were just not compatible anymore. I want to be with someone i have more in common with, or at least another creative. He’s a gamer and a jock and I just can’t get into it.

I hope I don’t regret this. Ive tried everything and I don’t want to anymore. I hope he wont hate me. I feel terrible.

MP

#diary #journal #life #breakup #depression

[kpopreactionstoruinyourlife]

Song Girl - Part 15 - Sungjin Fan Fiction

Song Girl Masterlist

Part 15 - June 2014

Summary: it’s a date.

“Close your eyes.” Sungjin said, holding both of El’s hands in his.

“You keep doing this to me.” Ella replied, but her eyes were closed. He laughed as he slipped the ring he’d gotten onto her finger. Her hand gently shook in hers.

“Ok, you can open them.” He said, holding her right hand but letting her left release.

“Oh my god,” She said staring at the white gold ring on her finger. “It’s a cherry blossom, oh my god…” The ring featured a gold glittering cherry blossom with a smattering of small diamonds with a small pink opal in the center of the flower.

“Do you like it?” He asked, getting a tighter hold on her hand.

“It’s gorgeous, but it looks so expensive…” She said with a furrowed brow.

“Don’t worry about that.”

“I’m happy we went in on this together. Trusting you paid off.” She said as she moved her hand to admire the ring from a different angle.

“And it fits well, right?” He asked and she nodded, tears springing in her eyes.

“This is perfect. Thank you.” She said reaching for him. She kissed him deeply, holding onto his broad shoulders; his kisses could still leave her breathless.

“So do you want to see mine?” He asked as she tucked against his side.

“Did you get matching ones?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s made from the same gold, but no mine is just a band but it has your name engraved.” He said reaching under the collar of his shirt to pull out the gold band.

“Yeah, I struggle to picture you wearing a cherry blossom ring.”

“That’s custom actually.” He said running a finger over her ring.

“Sungjin!” She cried, prepared to reprimand him for spending that much money on a ring, or that much effort. It wasn't like it was an engagement ring. But the ring was beautiful.

“What?” He asked as his arm slid around her. It felt better to hold her than to not, especially if she was within reach.

“If this is what you do for a couple ring, what are you planning to do for an engagement ring?” She asked with a teasing smile. He leaned in and kissed her head.

“I figure I have enough time to save to get something even better than that one.” He said and she shook her head. She turned back to him, standing on her tiptoes and bringing their lips together.

“Thank you,” She said and he nodded, tucking his ring back under his shirt. “Amanda is going to think we’re engaged when she sees the ring.”

“Doesn't she know about couple rings?”

“Ive mentioned them but in the US its more likely that you’ll wear them on your right hand, reserving your left ring finger only for engagement and marriage.”

“But you're in Korea now.”

“I wonder if we could set her up with someone…”

“She's only here for about eighteen months, right?”

“Yeah, she's got a year left then she goes back to grad school in the US.”

“It's nice to know that not all your friends are ahead of the curve.”

“Oh she's brilliant, but she likes rubbing it in that I have to address her formally in Korean but then again we just use English. Its unlikely that we would be so close if we didn't become friends in the US, speaking English with the whole Chingu-Unni thing.”

“The last time you got together, how long exactly did you talk about kpop?”

“A few hours.”

“Fan girl,”

“I’ll be 5Live’s biggest fan.”

“That Masked Singer performance was so cringe worthy.” He said and she laughed.

“I just liked getting to watch you perform for the first time.”

“I prefer having my guitar with me.”

“Baron and Atom take good care of you.”

“They're talking about us doing more live performances.”

“It's been awhile since The Who Is Next stuff right?”

“Yeah, that was right before we started dating. They thought we might get to debut in 2014 but they went with Got7 instead.”

“Would I be allowed to come? I can just be a fan.”

“It's probably better if you come more as Jae's friend than my girlfriend.”

“As long as you know I’ll really be there for you.”

“Aren't friends supposed to be just as important as boyfriend?”

“Not how I see it. Amanda and Angela out rank you, and you outrank most of my male friends but I’ve known Amanda and Angela since I was twelve.”

“When you skipped a grade.”

“Uh huh, they are the sisters I never had. I think Angela's boyfriend is going to propose soon.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, Ryan called me on Skype the other day asking about everything Angela ever told me about weddings and engagements.”

“Why you?”

“We spent a night drunk making half a dozen Pinterest boards on weddings and rings. Well, she was drunk and I was sleep deprived, which means I was functionally drunk.”

“So what type of engagement does she want?”

“She’s not necessarily the romantic type, not like Amanda and I are at least, so she wanted a more simple proposal. I just told him to get a good bottle of wine and cook her dinner then propose over dessert, which could be store bought. I know Ryan can cook so that worked. She did want a good ring though but she’s reasonable enough that she doesn’t expect platnium when they’re twenty two years old.”

“So what would he do about that?”

“Gabriella’s husband, after they had been married for many years and had more money, got her a new engagement ring so I think Ryan intends to do that.”

“I’m surprised they’d be getting married so young, given your opinions on that.” He said before he checked his watch. “I think we should get ready to leave now…”

“Right…” She said moving around and gathering her stuff before going back to talking.

“They’ve been together for two years now. They just graduated and he just got a job in DC and she just got into grad school at Georgetown for linguistics. They’ve been planning their lives together for a while now. And their parents have been pressuring them just to get engaged already. She’s been obsessed with a practical wedding since she wants a feminist marriage. Do you even care about this stuff?” She asked stopping in the middle of putting lunch boxes in his backpack.

“Yeah, it’s interesting to hear about the people in your life that I don’t know.”

“Ok well...I think it comes down to a lot of stuff. I don’t think there could be a better person for her, he’s a good egg. He’s eager to start their lives together officially, and if they’re married, they can justify moving out of their parents’ houses more.”

“And her parents would be more willing now that he has a job.” He said and she popped up to look at him.

“Exactly. Who knows, he might be going to meet Mr. Kim soon.”

“Would you be the maid of honor with your Pinterest board?”

“That depends, it’s hard to fulfill the role of maid of honor from the other side of the world.”

“And they’d get married in the US?”

“Oh yeah, most of their immediate family lives there and the other’s have been talking about coming over to visit for a while.”

“So who all is in this friend group?”

“Me, Amanda, and Angela are really the center; Angela and Ryan met in college. Then all our similar-aged cousins are in the mix, so I think there’s about ten of us?”

“A whole wedding party?” He said with a knowing look.

“It’s liked we planned this from when we were children watching every marriage plot movie in the world. It’s ironic that Ange will be the first one to get married since she really used to hate that stuff. But maybe Amanda and I were too obsessed with romance movies, books, and songs, and idols, that we didn’t get around to finding the one.”

“How did Ryan and Angela meet?”

“They had a couple gen-eds together and he noticed her but didn’t have the balls to talk to her beyond small talk and she had a boyfriend, one that was more of a piece of work than my ex. He was kind of psychologically abusive, trying to gaslight her, but I decided to be intrusive since I was doing a lot of research into intimate partner violence and talked to Amanda and we staged an intervention. So they broke up but at that point she was put off from guys. A couple weeks later we dragged her to the frat party where we found my ex in bed with another girl. It was at Ryan’s frat and he was the one that supplied me with the beer I used to soak Charlie. He was gentlemanly, I even thought he’d be a good boyfriend but he only had eyes for Ange. It took several months for him to get close to her, they were friends for a while before they went out; he waited until she was ready and they’ve been together ever since. That’s how Amanda and I knew he was such a good egg; he was willing to wait. It’s hard to find guys who think anyone is worth waiting for with the plethora of option they see are available on social media and Tinder; if you find one that knows you’re worth waiting for, you know you have something special. There was probably a solid two months that Amanda and I were gaga were Ryan.”

“If that’s going to be your bridesmaid speech, you should probably edit it.” Sungjin said, slipping his hand into hers as they headed to the bus stop.

“Probably, and it should probably be in English.”

“Yeah, so for the sake of curiosity, what is your dream wedding?”

“A cherry blossom themed wedding at Jinhae.” She answered immediately.

“Really?”

“I think you underestimate my love of cherry blossoms.”

“So we would have a very pink wedding.”

“This is my dream wedding, it’s not necessarily practical. But I think that makes sense for us. Jinhae would be convenient for your family in Busan and my friends in the US could justify visiting with the festival and then pink. I love pink.”

“So in this wedding, what is there for me?”

“Live band, a hybrid between the more convenient Korean wedding and the blowout of American weddings, and then we can work out anything else you want and the cost.”

“I know my parents would appreciate it if we can incorporate more traditional elements.”

“Done,”

“And what kind of proposal would you like?”

“Such a loaded question…” Ella sighed, dropping her head on his arm.

“I didn’t know it’d be difficult.” He said with a chuckle.

“I think a proposal should be intimate, someone is asking you to spend the rest of your life with them, saying they want to spend the rest of their life with you. So I don’t like public proposals because they put so much pressure on the person to say yes and the proposal shouldn’t be about everyone else, it should be about the couple. The wedding is about everyone, including the couple, so in contrast should be intimate. I like scavenger hunt proposals, but at the end of the day I just want to share that moment with the person I love, I don’t need a choir or confetti.”

“That’s good to know.” He said leaning in to kiss her forehead while they waited for the bus.

“I can’t believe it’s been two hundred days.” She sighed, resting her head against his shoulder.

“And now we’re going to Namsan.” He said, rolling her shoulder to nudge her up to get on the bus.

“If only the mountain had a thousand cherry trees.” Ella said with a smile while they stood on the bus.

“You are obsessed.”

“I am obsessive, I’ll admit that.” She said with a smile.

“Is that the secret to your brilliance?” He asked and she shrugged.

“I think it’s that when I work, I work hard. Trying is half the battle, the rest of it has come easily to me.”

“You really are a genius.” He said and she shook her head.

“I’m not that smart, so are y’all really going to be doing more live performances?”

“We’re working on it but we really will need a drummer if we’re going to be a rock band.”

“Oh I hope you can find one.” She said and he nodded twisting her hair around his finger.

It’d been awhile since they spent quality time together. For most of the past few weeks, he’d only seen her for a few nights that they spent together but they hadn’t really talked or done much. They had regular phone conversations but she’d been more distractible and out of it than usual. She kept sighing all the time and the bags under eyes had only grown.

“Are you sleeping enough?” He asked abruptly, his gaze flicking to lock on hers.

“No, I’m not. I can tell I’m approaching burnout...Just two more weeks and then it’s vacation time.” She said, sighing again and resting her head against him.

“And you’re going to the US with Amanda?”

“Yep, I thought about getting a whole other suitcase for books.”

“You are obsessive.”

“Told you,”

“What has you so burned out?” He asked and she sighed.

“We’re desperately trying to finish the paper edits to get it published this year and Michael keeps giving me his work but I finally stood up to him a week ago and he looked scandalized that I actually did it. So I think he’s doing his own work today, and I told our boss about his nightly outings so he shouldn’t mess with me again.”

“You need to take of yourself…” He said running his fingers over her shoulders. He didn’t like how tired and put out she looked, but he had to study her face to even notice since she was trying to hide it.

“You don’t need to worry, it’s almost over.” A fuzzy warmth spread through her, spreading from his fingers on her shoulder. She knew he was still going to worry. He would always worry.

“I know your work probably outranks Amanda, and therefore me, but…” He trailed off, unsure how to articulate his thoughts. He didn’t want her to push herself too hard, past the point of burnout; he’d seen girls do it before and it was ugly.

“You recharge me.” She said, her arm around his waist and her body tucked against his side. Under his arm around her shoulders, her body relaxed and her eyes dropped closed. A small smile spread on her lips. She stayed like that for several minutes. Their connected bodies swayed with the movement of the bus.

She wasn’t lying. Being surrounded by him caused her stress to ease, oxytocin replacing cortisol. But it was more than that. Being close to anyone wouldn’t bring that reaction, only being close to him did the trick. Those several minutes later, she picked her head up; her mind was clearer and that anxious squeeze around her heart had eased. Lifting her gaze to his, she felt anchored in his eyes, like she’d come home, leaving her troubles at the door.

“I can tell…” He whispered, stealing a moment of intimacy in the crowded train.

“You can?” She asked and he nodded, lifting his fingers to her cheek.

“Your eyes aren’t as red, your pupils are not so dilated, and I could feel your muscles ease.” He said slipping his fingers down her spine. A blush swept into her cheeks as she pushed closer to him.

“Don’t do that in public.” She whispered, that color only deepening.

“Why?” He asked, moving his fingers back up to her shoulder.

“It turns me on.”

“Orgasms are good for stress.” He whispered, leaning in to drop his voice and prevent eavesdroppers.

“Maybe later.” She said and he laughed.

He had to marvel at how easy it was to be with her, how easy to read she had become in his eyes. Maybe they didn’t go out as much as they used to, but he also just enjoyed being with her. They’d cooked some meals in her small kitchen. She’d goaded him into doing a variety of face masks. She’d read to him until her voice went rough. He’d sung for her and tried to get her to play guitar.

Going about daily rituals with her was much better than doing it alone or with the others in the dorm.

He still found himself marvelling at her work ethic, her intelligence, her sense of humor, and he even found her fan-girling cute. She was still beautiful in his eyes, the most beautiful. He’d expected those feelings to fade.

“You’re staring at me.” She said, snapping him out of it.

“I love you,” He whispered, kissing her forehead again.

“I love you,” She echoed, still smiling. He started to believe that maybe he really could recharge her.

When they reached the mountain, they decided to take the cable car up and walk down. For this, Ella was wearing a pair of high waisted shorts with a loose t-shirt tucked into them, and a thin black and white flannel. Sungjin was just in his usual jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie outfit.

“Are you going to be good to walk down?” He asked and she shoot him a look.

“I’m not as clumsy as you think.”

“Don’t you currently have a bruise on your hip from your own fridge?”

“I’m not clumsy enough to fall down a mountain.” She said and he laughed, taking her hand in his again.

“Jae requested I film it.” He said as they moved a shop selling locks at the tower.

“Of course he did.” She said rolling her eyes before they arrived at the keyed lock display.

“What color do you want?” He asked resting his head on hers.

“You can pick,” She said leaning back to kiss his cheek.

“What about red?” He asked picking up.

“The color of passion.” She said moving so they could go to the register.

“I guess so,” He said before she tried to herd him to the counter. “Why are you trying to move so fast?” He asked as he laughed, amused by his petite girlfriend trying to get him to move.

She just blushed.

“Oh come on, tell me.” He said while they got in line.

“When was the last time we had sex?” She asked in a very low voice.

That wasn’t what he expected her to say.

How sensitive is her spine? He thought before he did the math for the last time they had sex.

“Two weeks ago at least.” He answered and she groaned.

“No wonder I’m sensitive, that’s so long!” She shook her head.

“Have you really gone from a girl who functionally had a psychological block about sex to not wanting to go two weeks without it?” He asked but he thought back to everything they’d done to resolve the issues around sex for her. Largely that had just meant focusing on her pleasure; he couldn’t complain since bringing her pleasure brought him pleasure. He loved watching his normally composed girlfriend unwind under his fingers.

“That is more of a compliment to you than anything else.” She said with an almost seductive smile.

“So are you being rushed because you want to go home to have sex?” He asked as they moved up in line, dropping his voice again.

“I thought we could test your theory about orgasms, plural.” She said just before they reached the register and he had to try to focus on paying for the lock rather the conversation about sex. Somehow he managed to get through the customer service interaction with a bright red face then he turned back to Ella.

She was giving him her most devilish smile, reminiscent of Jae’s when he was bringing Ella over when they met.

“This is supposed to be a very serious occasion.” He said pointedly, holding the lock box in his hand.

“I didn't think we did serious very well, remember when we tried to have a fancy night out and I got sauce all over my dress?”

“We return to you being clumsy.”

“You're the one who had to make me snort with laughter.”

“But this is serious, we have to take this very seriously.”

“Why does everything have to be serious?” Ella asked slipping the lock out of his hands and opening it with her more nimble fingers and nails.

“Because I am very serious about you.” He said with his dorkiest smile. She couldn't help both smiling and rolling her eyes.

“Cheesy boyfriend, so cheesy.” She said while she uncapped the permanent marker that had come with the lock.

“I think we should write something cheesy, too.” He said looking at the blank lock with her.

“To 200 days and many more, love you?” She suggested and he nodded.

“You can write it, your handwriting is better, and I’ll find a place to put it.” He said kissing the top of her head. So she wrote it and snapped a few pictures of the lock covered fences before he found a spot on the fence.

“Sign it.” She said handing it back to him. So he did before he locked into place on the fence.

“What should we do with the key?” He asked holding it up.

“There's a bin for them over there but wait…” She said leaning to him and standing on her tip toes. She wanted to be more on eye level with him, which was a feat given that he was several inches taller and she wasn't about to wear heels to hike. His hand immediately moved to hold onto her arm to help her balance.

“Yeah?” He said with a smile flirting with the corners of his lips. She leaned closer.

“Happy anniversary,” She whispered. Her eyes landed on his and she felt steadier again, lighter, happier. A smile spread over her face while he made a funny face at her. She had to struggle not to laugh and give him the kiss she had already set out to do.                                               

“Happy anniversary.” He repeated, ending it with a dramatic smacking kiss on top of her head. They spent a moment smiling at each other like dorks.

Then they snapped a couple more pictures (having to take several since he’d taken to making weird faces right as she took the picture) and headed down the mountain, stopping at a picnic table to eat the lunch boxes she had made.

“So you're going to be in the US for a week?” He asked while munching on the food.

“No, I am going to be gone for a week. But really I’ll only be there for like five days but the jet lag will mean that I will be able to truly enjoy the nightlife.” She said with a laugh. In her twenty years she had probably only enjoyed the “night life” about fifteen times, most of those being movie premiers and sleepovers, only having gone out to have fun a couple times.

He gave her a big eyed look.

“Are you going clubbing?” He asked and she laughed, shaking her head.

“Clubbing in DC is unimaginably different than Seoul, for example, clubs actually close and people go there around ten rather than midnight and it's less intense than here.” She said and he gave her a continued horrified look.

“So what are you going to do?” He asked and she shrugged.

“There's a karaoke place in Fairfax we like, it has a bar, not that I would be able to drink. I think we will all get together and do that. I am spending a day with my parents, a day getting stuff that I’ve been desperately missing since moving here to ship it here.”

“What have you been desperately missing?”

“Ease and availability in books.” She said automatically and he laughed.

“Didn't Jae give you a list of CDs to get him, too?”

“Uh huh, a very long list.” She said shaking her head.

“I wish I could go with you.”

“Oh my god I’ll be able to drive again! Thank god! Granted maybe I shouldn't drive...it has been a year…” She said and he stared at her.

“You can drive?”

“Yeah, I got my license at sixteen, and my mom promptly started tracking my phone to make sure I was actually going to my SAT and choir classes once I was allowed to drive myself.”

“What's driving there like?”

“I mean, driving in DC and Northern Virginia is unlike anywhere else I have ever been but Seoul and that area are not comparable. I love it though, but I have had a couple incidents.”

“Did you hurt yourself?” He asked, looking over her exposed legs, as if there could magically be an old scar appear that he had never seen before.

“Oh no, just my car, more than once.”

“So what I'm hearing is that I should not let your drive my car.”

“I do not have a valid license to drive here.”

“We could get you a bike.”

“I want a pink one.”

“Of course you do.”

“I want to live a pretty and pink life.”

“Isn't that an American movie?”

“Pretty in Pink is.”

He thought for a moment. “Do you wish I was fluent in English?”

“In the US it'd be more frustrating that you aren't but you have good English comprehension, which can get you pretty far but I speak both English and Korean fluently, so it won’t be that bad. Granted, I do mix up the languages a bit. I'm finally starting to actually think in Korean and I miss the informality of English. Like the honorifics and ageism is such a pain sometimes to have to be aware of that…”

“That doesn't answer my question.” He said and she sighed.

“It’s only really frustrating when it comes to media stuff because I consume a lot of English-based, American stuff, and I would love to be able to share that with you without having to translate.”

“Sorry,” He said looking down at the lunch box in his hands.

“I don’t mind that much, really. It’s only sometimes and the translating is good since that’s my job.” She said reaching out to him.

“I should probably try to learn English, or at least put more effort into it especially if I want to be able to properly meet your friends that are in the US.”

“My cousins all speak Korean fluently, and all the others are at worst conversational but I do have a few friends that are Chinese or Japanese Americans that don’t speak Korean but can speak English. The area I lived in had a lot of Asian Americans but my closest friends are Korean, because we all went to the same Korean church, at least for a while…”

“How does that work?”

“Well my cousins are first generation immigrants themselves, because they were born here and lived here until they were about five then moved to the US. I’m more one and a half or second generation immigrant because I was born in the US but it was also shortly after my parents moved to the US. Most of friends were either first or second generation as well with families that spoke Korean at home.”

“So they’re all bilingual?”

“More or less, Amanda and I are the only ones who have actually returned and lived in Korea.”

“Really?”

“So far, maybe they’ll come back.” She said with a shrug.

“I feel like I should be going with you, meeting your people and your family, especially since you met mine. Have you at least told them about me?” He asked, not liking how self-conscious he sounded.

“Of course I have.” She said with a pointed look. “I told them I started dating a guy from Busan who was living in Seoul, that I really like him and Amanda thinks he’s a good egg, and that you played guitar.”

“But that stuff like I’m an JYPE trainee or haven’t been to college.”

“Yeah no, I thought that would be best to conveniently leave out. My mom was hilarious though, she asked if you were one of my students like the second time we talked about you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just said no and switched to talking about how she and dad met. Why do you want to go with me so bad?” She asked, looking at him with a curious expression.

“I feel a little guilty for dating you for so long when they don’t know anything about me, haven’t talked to me or met me. And I don’t like the idea of you travelling alone.” He added the last bit a little begrudgingly.

“I won’t be alone and I don’t need  you to constantly watch out for me.” She said after rolling her eyes. “I’m just going home.”

He nodded, looking down. He didn’t like when she called the east coast of the US, fourteen thousand miles away, home. He wanted her to stay, to consider Korea her home. He didn’t like being reminded of their differences.

He wanted to be able to share his life with her and have her share hers in return. He enjoyed getting to see more parts of her, hear more about her life, and be able to piece their lives together.

“You’re being silent, are you ok?” She asked, leaning over to enter his field of vision as he looked down. He couldn’t help but smile, leaning forward to peck her nose.

“I’m just thinking.” “I thought I was supposed to be the introspective one?” She said, fake-pouting.

“Am I not allowed to think anymore?” He said pulling her to him and tickling her sides. Loud laughs bubbled from her lips as she wiggled away from him.

“No! No! Stop!” She cried until he stopped and she caught her breath. Then she burped loudly. “Excuse me.” She said with big surprised eyes before she shook out her head and held her stomach. “Jeez, I hope that doesn’t make me throw up.”

“Can that even happen?” He asked while she gingerly sipped the water he’d automatically handed her.

“No idea, anatomy and physiology wasn’t my strong suit.” She said and he nodded along, slipping back into his thoughts while she leaned against his shoulder. A few minutes later of comfortable silence, they continued their trip down the mountain and back to her apartment.

“We’ve been getting too serious lately.” Ella said while they once again stood on the bus home. He turned to her with a raised eyebrow, flicking his bangs out his hair.

But he had to admit, some of the fun was gone.

“Really I’ve been too serious lately, and that probably rubbed off on you.” She continued, her brows knit together as she looked at him. As if one by one, the butterflies that had been admittedly dormant began to reawaken. There was a man who loved her, hadn’t judged her for her sex problems, took care to pay attention to her, and still made her feel warm and happy most of the time, unless she was too in her own head, which she definitely had been recently. A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.

“You’re up to something.” He said, a smile spreading over his own lips. She nodded, her smile only growing as her hand travelled up his arm.

“I’m going to loosen up tonight.” She said with elated determination. Those anticipatory butterflies flipped through her stomach.

“And what does that mean?” He asked, chuckling.

“I’m going to get out of my head, probably with the help of a little soju.” She said, trying to remember if she had any in her apartment or not. It’d probably be best to pick up a bottle on their way.

“And where is this coming from?” He asked beginning to be on board with her friend.

“We’re young. I’m only twenty. I don’t need to be boring or heady.” She said and he laughed.

“So are your forming a plan in that brilliant brain of yours?” He asked and she nodded.

“I was thinking video games, take out, and goofiness.” She said and he laughed, flicking his hair again.

“Sounds like high school.”

“Maybe we can even make out later.” She said with a wink.

“I thought we were testing a multiple orgasm theory.” He whispered, running his fingers down her spine again. Her body shuddered against his, a flush spreading over her cheeks.

“Like I would say no to that.” She whispered, tucking against him. Her fingers hooked through a belt loop on his hip.

“I’m not giving you a chance to check your email.” He murmured. Her eyes sparkled with a brightness he realized he hadn’t seen in weeks.

“Good, don’t.” She said, stealing an obvious glance at his lips.

They both willed the bus to go faster.

Once it stopped in her neighborhood, they stopped at a convenience store to grab a bottle of soju before going up to her apartment.

As soon as the door shut, he pinned her to the wall, smirking as she looked up at him through her lashes, a devilish glint hidden from his eyes in their shadows. There was dare spelled out in the arch of her eyebrow. He was being a tease, not letting his body push into hers, one arm on the wall; a couple of his fingers barely flirted with the hem of her shirt.

The second his arm dropped toward her legs, she jumped into his arms and crashed their lips together. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her arms clinging to his shoulders while her back was pushed into the wall. He kissed her hungrily, desperately trying to satisfy an insatiable craving.

“Is that what trailing your spine gets?” He hummed when they finally pulled apart. He pressed hot kisses into the exposed skin of her neck, her small gasps tumbling from her mouth, precious gems.

“Let’s just go to the bed,” She sighed, a hitch on the last word as a second kiss elicited a barely-suppressed moan.

“Am I to carry you or…?” He murmured as his hands, hot and rough, pushed into her thighs.

“I can still walk.” She said loosening her legs around his hips.

“You say that like you hope you can’t later.” He said chuckling; she only smiled and took a gulp of the sujo. He waved for her to pass it to him and he took one, too, before he turned to set it on the counter. It’d been just enough to give her a buzz, enough to make her giggly as she turned on some bright music.

“There’s your goofy smile.” He said, a big smile spreading over his own face.

“I don’t have any work to do and I’m spending the night with my boyfriend, my very good boyfriend.” She stepped over to him, dropping her voice. “I love you, Sungjin.” She whispered as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. He felt unexpectedly lucky in that moment; he couldn’t help but smile.

Once she pulled away, he bent down and picked her up, bending her over his shoulder and making her shriek and desperately grab at his sides. “I thought we agreed I could walk?” She said with a pointed poke in his back.

“I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend if I made you walk.” He said laughing as he lifted her up again, letting her drop onto the bed. She shook her head at him, but her eyes sparkled with a laughter that was barely held back from bubbling out from her lips.

“Such a weirdo.” She said in a low voice, a glowing smile on her face. He shrugged, beaming back at her as he got up on the bed, hovering over her. Smiling bigger than he knew she had in a long time, she reached out for him and brought their lips together again. Before she rolled and end up on top of him, pulling away with an incredibly self-satisfied grin and flushed cheeks.

“You really get a content smirk when you straddle me.” He commented while she pulled up her hair. A seductive smirk spread over her swollen lips.

“Something about your boner and wide hips between between mine feels good.” She said, grinding against him to prove her point. He might not have been completely hard yet, but he was getting there.

“Wide hips? Are you calling me fat??” He said reaching forward to tickle her exposed sides. Howls of laughter burst out as she tried to dodge him without getting up. Ultimately he let her pin his arms down and steal a kiss as a means to her victory.

“Not fat, just wider, broader...You’re certainly bigger than me.” She said gently running her hand over his broad shoulders and squeezing his hips under her legs.

“I can’t believe you’re calling me fat.” He said but he was smiling.

“Objectively you’re broader than me!” She said defensively, falling off of him and laying on her side. “Come here.” She said and he rolled his eyes, chuckling as he moved to be the big spoon, aligning his hips with hers. As they laid on the bed, his hips were a couple inches taller than hers at least.

“Quite right,” He said as he dropped his head to nibble at her neck. She turned back to him, taking another kiss before she returned to straddling him. He had sat up, his hands working on running over every inch of her he could reach from her legs to her cheeks.

His lips traveled over their familiar trials all over her neck while his fingers found her flannel shirt, pulling it off her shoulders. His own hoodie was long gone and she was reaching for his shirt. He pulled it off, left to wonder if there was a greater sensation than her skin against his as she’d pulled hers off, too.

“I love you.” She exhaled, her body curled to his as he reached around her back to unhook her bra. He practically purred as her fingers tangled through his hair. He pulled her closer, revelling in her radiating warmth.

“You said multiple orgasms right?” He said with a smirk. His hands moved to guide her up, his fingers finding the button and zipper of her shorts to undo them.

“I thought we were testing your multiple orgasms being good for stress theory.”

“So what’s our control?” He whispered, smirking as she laughed.

“Every other time we’ve done anything.” She said as she flopped onto her back, kicking off her  shorts.

He paused to take her in, his beautiful girl, and he knew he was lucky to find a girl who would look at him the same way he looked at her.

She smiled alluringly at him, drawing him into her. It was easy to give in. He bent forward, bringing their lips together while his fingers traversed over her curves before landing against her core, over her heat. She moaned, pushing towards him while her legs fell open. She could hardly think of a better way to spend an evening than making love with him.

More moans tumbled from her lips while his calloused fingers ran over the only piece of clothing left on her body. Her body ran hot and her back arched as he increased the pressure. He teased her languidly, taking his time no matter how much she wanted to get there faster. Moving with a lazy sense of purpose, his fingers hooked through her panties and pulled them down. He drank in her small moans like nectar while he kissed her, his splayed fingers winding up her inner thigh.

A shock convulsed through her body the second his finger touched her clit, the most desperate moan yet bursting out of her lips. Her hips bucked, craving more than the light, teasing touches he was giving her. He gave in, unable to keep himself from smirking as she unwound while his fingers circled her sensitive bud and delved through her folds. Her muscles quivered and shook as she neared her climax, still bucking her hips and craving more friction.

Eventually, she finally reached her climax, nearly every one of her muscles quivering with ecstasy.

“Pretty eager, aren’t we?” He said with a smirk as his palm pressed into her hip.

“You were being a tease.” She said with bright pink cheeks, breathing heavily.

“It’s more being a tease. If I go too fast you don’t get as wet, as it is now, you’re well on your way to making a puddle.”

“That’s your pride talking.” She said, pressing a cool hand into her cheeks.

“You like it.” He said with a smirk, earning a roll of her eyes.

“I like you, and orgasms, but mostly you.” She said cupping his cheek in her hand.

“I thought you loved me?” He said with a cheeky grin.

“Yes,” She said and he shook his head.

“Think you’re ready for number two?”

“Don’t be such a tease.” She said pulling him back for a kiss.

“No fun that way.” He hummed trailing kisses down her body.

“Can’t believe you thought I was a tease.” She sighed, her eyes dropping closed.

“That was foolish, given the first time we made out, you left a hickey and bite mark on me.” He said chuckling, pressing a kiss into her inner thigh.

“Boldness is fleeting…” She said as her fingers slipped into his hair.

He hummed before his tongue landed on her clit, slipping down her folds before teasing her entrance. Without a thought, her body rolled and her teeth sunk into her lips. This time he wasn’t moving with any laziness as his tongue and fingers moved through her folds and slipped in and out of her heat. Steadily, her grip in his hair and her muscles tightening as she neared her second climax.

Once she had, he flashed her a smirk while he reached for a condom. “Do you feel less stressed?” He asked while she bent forward, pulling his briefs down.

“I almost always feel less stressed with you.” She said, pressing an automatic into his cheek.

“Almost?” “If you’re trying to surprise me, or have made me confront a fear, or are embarrassing me, I’m not exactly anxiety free, but like the work or life or school stress fades away around you.” She said slipping the condom out of his fingers and down his length.

“Are you saying you don’t like surprises?” He said moving to get on top of her again but she nudged him down again.

“I don’t mind your surprises.” She said pressing her nose against his before she moved to straddle him.

“You’re topping today?” He moved his arm to the support her as she angled herself to take in his length.

“Least I can do when you made me orgasm twice.” She said, using her fingers to guide his tip to her core.

He tried to swallow a groan as she lowered herself onto him, her tight walls surrounding his length. She let out a long breath, ducking her head into his neck while she adjusted her arms to get a grip on his shoulders. His hands dropped to her hips.

“I always forget what a good angle this is…” She leaned back, raising her hips to feel his dick slide out of her before she grinded back down.

“Go faster,” His hands dropped to her hips to guide their motion into a faster rhythm.

She gasped, moaning into his neck - she really had forgotten that her being on top was a much better angle for her enjoyment. She could feel his temperature rise and breathing quicken thought his bare chest against hers.

Once he was sure she had a rhythm going, he let his hands wander from her hips to her butt and breasts, squeezing them and teasing her nipples. Her moans in his ear and her nails in her skin were the greatest aphrodisiac to him. Slowly his moans began to join hers as she tightened around him. Their lips found each other in a sloppy, hot, desperate kiss.

After that, it didn’t take long for him to reach his peak and quickly came. After a couple seconds to catch her breath, she tumbled off him and let him dispose of the condom.

“Endorphins make you happy.” She hummed, happily wiggling around on the bed and making him laugh.

“I love you,” he whispered kissing her forehead. Her giggle quieted for only a moment before resuming as he smiled at her.

“I love you!” She said happily, feeling over high on hormones.

“So, feeling better?” He asked, his chuckle joining her giggles.

“Yes, thank you.” She leaned forward and gave him another kiss, wishing they could have endless nights like this.

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[deerbydesign]

The Rich are a Funny Bunch

Writing from a DnD oneshot DM’d by the always amazing @scarysans

And the wonderful flustered lesbian gunslinger by the best @oh-look-what-ive-done-now. These pieces are best read together because we constantly split the party.

2,000 gold pieces, why pay when you can sneak on? It’s just for a good time. I wouldn’t be hurting anyone, and it’d get me away from this place. Tradoshia has gotten boring, old and holding some less than desirable memories.

I had seen the entire construction of the ship, The Future’s Voyage, it was truly fascinating. But a better thought to board it. A massive and luxurious ship, and only the finest accommodations.

The rumors of what awaits passengers is tempting, the finest food and entertainment, and of course the passengers themselves are far more interesting to myself.

The dawn breaks, with that, so do the people around.

“Did you hear? I hear…” people’s gossip is only interesting when it is about you, or something very important. The rich are a funny bunch, either enjoying the most confusing thing or being disgusted by the best joys life has to offer.

“I heard the grandest piano player in all of the Liao’Drinson has agreed be on this voyage.”

With the sounds of more people boarding, and the ship and its surroundings coming to life, in the safety of the cargo deck, I don some finer clothes than my usual get up. Pieces picked up from less than polite clients, but all together a rather flattering ensemble.

Going towards the stairs to the upper deck, I run into another. Surprising, but also not so. But she looks to belong, so why sneak aboard? Interest slightly peaked, but my own agenda is currently more important than why someone else choose to be a stowaway. Shock is on her face as well, before she gathers herself and brushes past me and up the stairs. Watching her retreating form, an elf if I’m not mistaken, I turn to look if there is maybe another way up. Not good to draw suspicion of two people walking up from the same place. No other options come to mind, maybe some where, the ship is rather large. Before I can trail the woman,

-Thunk Thunk-

“Aye, do you remember locking this. I can’t remember. Who was in charge, who was here last night?” A gruff voice calls from above the hatch. Damn.

More rustling comes from above. As the other one with me move to hide, my eyes glow, and what others might call a sadistic smile cross my lips, and a whisper I’m sure reaches the other side comes out.

“I suggest you look behind you” the voice different from my own, a similar quality, and yet entirely foreign to my ears.

“What was that? Must have just been one of the obnoxious children of the guests” The sounds continue. More fiddling with the lock.

“Charlie is this what you’re looking for?”

The lock pops, and I slink behind one of the crates. The hatch opens and I suck in a breath, praying that he doesn’t see. Either of us. Where one rat is, there are surely others. With the light streaming down, I can make out the form of a gruff man, human, and surely one to have seen his share of sea days.

“I thought I heard something down here…” he trails off, and the rhythmic sound of a quill checking off spots on a paper fill the room. The steps move further away, possibly making his way from back to front. There is a sudden halt in the sound, a muffled shout before the there is a clatter on the ground.

Getting up, the main threat gone, through unknown reasons, but enough for me. I start making my way towards the stairs, the elven woman hissing through her teeth, “What are you doing?”

“What do we have here?” a black clad man steps forward. The only visible portion of his face, his eyes. At his side rests two knives and a couple vials.

“Oh well well well don’t exactly want to deal with you or you, I'll save this poison for later then.”

Shit. This is not what I needed.

Before ducking away, they throw two daggers. There’s a grunt as one sinks into the elf, and I book it towards the stairs. I don’t like fighting, and running is never not an option.

“You can come here and fucking help me!” I hear from the upper deck. When it becomes a threat to me, I will do something.

He bolts up the stairs behind me, flinging a dagger into my side. Instead of staying there, it reappears in his hand. What the hell?

If you want to play with magic, buddy…

With a curl of my hands, a strange and comforting power begins flowing, a wispy purple, before shooting out at the masked man. He flinches, bowing down a bit. I snarl at him as the elf runs up behind him and pulls out a rapier.

Two daggers slam into my side, the second one shaking me, the spell flickering. Heavy growls sound from me as the elf misses. One more dagger has me stagger down. It’s been awhile since I’ve been knocked out, Marxriel was usually the cause of that happening, and he hasn't been around for years.

Coming to, I see the elf, long hair and green eyes alight with slight concern. Seeing me not dead, she walks off. Getting my head, I notice we seem to have deported, a relief. Away from wherever she went, I begin looking through the body of our attacker. Pocketing his gold, I find a small note held closed by a black ribbon. Getting the attention of the other, we both read it:

You’re goal here is to simply remove the captain from her position before we arrive at Brigmeet. From there, you and two other associates of mine, will also deal with the council members waiting to greet the ship. Any inability to complete these actions will result in no payment and the possible eradication of the contract’s member.

“Maybe we should, inform authorities about this body and this note? Might be a good idea?” It's a simple suggestion, one that would probably work in any other situation. But, given the less than legal circumstance on myself…

“Either way, I think we’re stuck together. As much as I hate to say.” The last part is almost growled.

With a raised brow, “Do you have an issue with tieflings?” And I can't help the bit of disdain leak through. Yes, she saved me, but there are somethings that don't change in people. “No, I just have an issue with other people.” So we have a lone wolf.

“Fair enough.” The quicker an agreement can be made, the faster I can get out of this. I have enough problems to deal with.

“You can call me Cass. Ofriel.” An interesting name. Ofriel… where have I heard it before? Oh, not to mind, it will hardly matter. I don't stay long in people's lives, nor do they stay long in mine.

“Dez.”

“Dez…?”

“Just Dez for now.” The less she knows. Though she already seems to be reluctant about this alliance.

“Given the fact that we aren’t supposed to be on this ship, we should maybe try and just, lay low.”

Resting for just a bit, we collect ourselves and freshen up, a bit of magic cleaning away any traces of a fight. Together we walk up to the top deck, hundreds of people milling around, fancy outfits and crew members bustling around. What a sight. It's mildly overwhelming, the crowds I deal with never reaching more than 20 or so people at a time. But there is a thrill in the number the people.

Cass begins walking towards the back, I look into the crowd. A smile pulls my lips, and begin walking towards where people crowd a bit. Slowly, my gait changes, as does the way I hold myself. Taking in the others around, I mimic and twist their gestures, suiting them to myself. Apparently, adapting works rather well, as it seems to have caught the attention of many of the other guests. Swishing hips and looking at the others dancing, several people move to ask for a dance.

The first to offer a hand, a nobleman’s child and with an air of sophistication.

“May I have this dance?” with practiced confidence, I lift a brow at the boy.

“You may, if I may have a name.”

“My name? Brieane of course.” Accepting the hand, the dance starts slowly. The boy seems shaky on his feet, the confidence when asking gone. Perhaps a crueler smile pulls my lips as I begin leading, but the laughter that follows lacks anything malicious. Slowly he tries to match, and we make our way across the deck. The dance comes to an end, and with a small bow, he winks before turning away. He was cute, I think as I turn around, tail flicking with the momentum, giving a light tap just under his butt. He gives a start, and chuckles and walks off.

Scanning the crowd, I step towards an elven couple. The woman sneers at me, turning back. I murmur,“...racists” and turn on my heel, only to look into Cass’s eyes.

“Did you find anything?”

“No, I’m getting to know the passengers.”

“We need to do something,” her voice is tense, I see she's taking this very seriously. “There is people’s safety at risk.” and I can’t tell if it is for herself or me, but there is a threat in those words. Being too tense draws suspicions, and you can't get anything done if you can't find a person.

“If you can move through a crowd, you can find anyone.” Maybe it’s a bit rude, but knowing a crowd has its advantages, anyone knows that. Strange girl.

The crowd begins murmuring and moving towards the back of the ship. The last of land disappearing on the horizon, the official start of being at sea beginning.

The musicians suddenly stop, and a horn and whistle sound from behind, making me jump just a bit. Turning around, I see a tall human woman, sun kissed skin and hair wavy from a life spent on the sea.

“Well then, hello there. I’m your captain for this voyage.” Her voice is rough and lively, with confidence that no doubt has more bite than bark.

As mummers in the crowd begin breaking out, she gives a huff that is all too familiar

“No no, I'm your captain. I don’t have any interests in any of your own interactions, I just ask that you don’t go to the cargo deck below.”

“After all you snobs wouldn’t even want to, you have all the money you could want.” The last bit under her breath. I couldn’t imagine any of these people, not even Cass if she were a normal passenger, to below deck anywhere other than their rooms.

“But, you’ll find that the first deck below are your quarters, as you all have paid,” I can’t help but chuckle at that. But I would never want to be rich. But I see where the captain is coming from in her dislike of the upper class. I too have had my fair share of experience with the rich and entitled.

Out of the corner of my eye I do see a rather amusing sight. The tall elf I’ve come to be acquainted with, absolutely smitten at the sight of the captain. The lovestruck look is hard to miss, and I can’t help but chuckle at the drop in the serious attitude I’ve come to know from her. Only a few of the woman’s words strike an interest, but I do show my respect and give her my full attention. Why anyone would give her anything less is beyond me.

Cassandra seems in a daze at the end of the captain’s speech, still looking at where she once stood after jumping down from her spot and retreating to her quarters. The crowd moves back, dispersing around the deck and milling around with each other.

Strolling near some kids, well I would certainly call them kids. Never would I see them in my line of work. I watch as the four of them point out and laugh at the other guests. And I certainly can't blame them, the rich are frequently stupid and make fools of themselves.

Moving closer,their eyes are drawn to me, funny as it seems almost everyone has been doing that.

“I see you're enjoying watching the other guests” I chuckle out.

“Why, yes, of course. I mean after all, they are quite hilarious with what ridiculous actions they take. Just look at that one over there”, and the boy points out a woman, low cut dress, trying to poorly seduce and hang off of any man within reach.

“or that one, look at her,” the girl points, snickering. And I see the familiar form of Cassandra, leaning strangely against the railing. A weak attempt at an aura of mystery. What is she doing?

“They think they’re so interesting. I bet she couldn't tell a dagger from a small knife. And that outfit-”

There is only so much I can stand for hearing, especially know how hard she's trying to save everyone's collective asses. Closing my eyes and sighing through my nose, I turn to face the girl.

A grin that could easily be described as predatory pulls my lip up, exposing the elongated canines. “Well I suggest you make better insight into those you laugh at, dear. As she happens to be a very close friend of mine, and holds quite the position, as does the rest of her family.”

Either at my words or the show of teeth, probably both, the girl swallows hard before letting out a nervous laughter.

“Oh course, I mean, after all. She's really quite impressive. With the ability to pull of an outfit like that.” her face is flushed as she tries to avert my stare. People should know their place. Laughing at the woman very obviously trying to gain the favor of someone through sexual means, is very different than pointing out and assuming someone’s life story.

Getting my attention, is one of the human boys of the group, a stylish suit with a vest and boots laced up to his mid calf.

“So tell me, why are you here?” an innocent enough question.

“Perhaps you'll find out another time,” I turn my back and begin walking away, but not before hearing,

“I do always like a mysterious one” in a wistful tone.

Maybe if I dated, or if I even settled. But I’m not someone for long term relationships of any sort. Much less someone you bring home to a wealthy family. I am what you bring to make someone jealous or to get disowned by your family. I am a trophy to these people and nothing more.

Looking out at the deck, several different discussions seem to be going on, important deals most likely. Maybe mingling with these folks will give me better insight for what we’re looking for. An elven woman and a man most certainly her husband seem to be speaking closely with a dwarven individual.

Making my way toward them, just as I become within hearing distance for their conversation, it stops and the woman turns toward me.

“Excuse me, can I assist you?” her voice is curt with a hidden edge.

Caught, words that are not completely false slip out, “Oh, I was just admiring your dress.”

“Why thank you,” she smiles and straightens her dress.

“May I ask your name?”

With all the politeness and proper etiquette I was never raised with, I extend a hand and bow towards the lady, “You may call me Dez.”

Satisfied with the response, she leads me somewhat into the previous conversation,“You see, right now my husband and I are discussing land trade between and this kind dwarven man’s family.”

Giving a polite bow towards the man, the elven woman takes my attention again.

“You may call me m’lady. Or as you were so kind,” I smile at the cheeky response, ”you may call me Landrelia.”

“Landrelia, a lovely name for an even lovelier face,”

“You’re too kind. And this is business in which no one need be kind,” the sharpness of her words catches me off guard, but I do suppose, business is business, and these folks are especially ruthless.

“Thankfully I’m not one to do business.” Stepping away from the conversation, I slip my tail carefully around her leg.

“Now, now. You may want to watch while you put that thing around people’s ankles,” but the tone is anything but disapproving.

Scanning the crowd, there isn’t anyone that seems to stand out. No lone wolves, or anyone particularly strange. Giving a pout, I continue walking around. Seeing nothing else of interest, I make my way back to the open portion of the deck where a few are still dancing.

Two individuals stand out, an older male and a younger one, both in armor and shields. Just watching, strange. Looking closer, I recognize the symbol of Sarenrae on each of them. And the boy’s shield, shaped like the holy symbol as well. The boy, is cute. And there are a few others that I recognize.

Surprisingly, I see Landrelia without her husband. Making my way toward her, she looks and smiles. A hand extended, she takes it.

In her own way, a way of someone used to subtly being in control, she tries to dominates the dance. The music almost seems to pick up and the surrounding nobles watch and back up. It is elegant, but almost a battle. Back and forth, trying to best the other, while still keeping the elements of the dance.

Ending with a bow to each other, and a bow to the spectators.

There is a smile on her lips, “a pleasure, truly.”

The music changes suddenly and she perks up with recognition. A more genuine smile than the last passes her face and she shoots a wink at me. A song I’m not familiar with is enhanced by her voice, gentle a floating. An enchanting sound, that I try to follow. Pulling out my lyre, while not as grand as the elf’s voice, adds a nice touch to the piece. The dancing begins again, not as intense as before, but none the less stunning. The song comes to a close, and she smiles once again. Looking taken aback by either my ability to keep up, or my ability to impress, but she pulls out a kerchief from her pocket. Presenting it with a small bow, she winks and walks off.

It’s been a long while since I last received any favors of a lady. Especially one so formal.

As the sun begins setting, the band plays a softer song, one especially fitting for the sight.

“So, you seem to be having a wonderful time up here.” Is that bitterness, or just annoyance? It’s hard to tell with this one.

“Surprisingly, yes.” It’s not often I get along well with people of this class, especially being treated as if I’m even close to the same standing.

“And as much as I hate you ruin your fun, I think we’re going to have to start making moves. At least when people start clearing out. No?” Ah, straight to business.

“Yes, that fair enough,” it seems I’ve been saying that much more than normal. Though, today has been full of deals that I would probably never make given the choice.

“We need to get the captain’s attention somehow. I was thinking we could grab that body and stick it in front of the door and make an addition to the thief's note. Because I don’t believe we’ll be able to talk to her.” Frustrated for good reason, but getting upset doesn’t help anything. Except maybe in Marxriel’s case, though it just made him hit harder.

“I can at the very least do something to get her attention, she might not be happy about it, but..” playing tricks with magic isn’t my favorite thing in the world to do, and especially not to the captain.

“I don’t think we want her upset at us before we do something, just a thought. So we can maybe slip the note under the door or we can get the body to prove it.”

“Bringing just the note might make it seem as though we are the threats. But dragging up a body will certainly draw attention”

“How do we get her notified and the note for her? Because we can’t get near her and nobody will trust us.”

I watch her studying the office, and maybe the people going in and out of it. Seeing as she has this covered, or at the very least does not require me for the time, I scan through the crowd again.

While rude, the kids did certainly have something right. The drunk and stupid are the best type of people, in the way they are the worst. I spot a man I saw Cass talking to once, obviously drunk with another man.

They’re mumbling and can barely tell what they’re doing, the massive goblets going to their heads.

“Yeees, it was absolutely hilarious and,” his words begins slurring more. “Oh sorry I need a bit of a pick me up,” I watch him rummage around his pockets, shock in his eyes. I continue walking near with a raise brow as he begins asking about a ‘snuff box’.

Walking past, I feel their eyes on me as I brush my tail across both their legs.

“Now that’s what I like to see!” cat calls, now this feels more at home. Though, if actually wearing clothes that cover me can get this type of reaction, I can only imagine how one of my costumes would make them act.

“Hey, you- you wanna come to my cabin tonight?” It’s the man I saw Cass speaking with earlier, I can’t imagine why she would do such a thing.

Coyly I tilt my head, “Depends.”

With confidence only the drunk and wealthy have, one of the men saunters up, wobbly and getting entirely too close for my taste. His breath reeks of alcohol and is blown directly into my face. Either too drunk to notice, or most likely even if he were sober, not one to care, I scrunch up my face.

“Depends on what, sweetheart?” he tries to stretch out the words to make them languid, but just makes a fool of himself.

“On not calling me sweetheart,” there are few things I tolerate, fewer things that are pet names. Not an outright stomp on his foot, but a slow lean before pressing down with my heel.

Turning away, a mumbled and defeated, “well I guess that piece of meat isn’t coming with me.”

The sneer that crosses my face makes many people stay clear of my as I walk off.

A small boy running around the deck and most importantly running to Cassandra surprises me. Watching the interaction, her head shoots up and she gives me a very pointed look. Curiosity peaked, I make my way over. He leads the way to the captain’s quarters, and I can’t help but wonder about the boy. He can’t be more than 12. Opening the door, he steps in and a nervous stutter echos.

“Ma’am, I-I brought them,” I don’t think he’s ever lifted his head.

Stepping into the office, the sight of the captain casually sitting at her desk, feet up on the table and a smile playing on her face.

“Thanks, Nair. Don’t worry, it’s fine” slips out as she tosses the boy a silver piece.

As the boy leaves, I see the two armored guards from before. The younger awkwardly looking around and the other standing stoic.

Seems like Cass made some serious progress in terms of alerting the captain. Carefully dropping the sword and rapier I kept on me, I lift my hands in a gesture of surrender. Lila nods at me as Cass gives a bow.

“Now then, tell me, which one of you is the Ofriel?” Seems like those two have something in common already.

“That would be me,” someone’s voice sounds strained. I look over at her and see the faint blush.

“Ofriel, interesting. Now then, why have you given me this letter? “

“Well it’s kind of a matter a safety-”

“No shit,” aggressive, but not overly so.

“And we wanted to alert you and help in any way we can. We aren’t exactly here to watch people get hurt.”

“Well, you may just be in luck. After all, there’s been no threat on my life yet,” a bitter chuckle, “and according to this letter there’s supposed to be one.”

“The cabin boy, Nair, the one you just say walk out, he came to me a while back talking about how he saw a man and a halfling woman hidden in the cargo deck. I don’t know anymore than that, but the boy might. The ship will be reaching Brigmeet on the morrow. If anything happens to this ship or to the council members of Kai’air, it could mean the destruction of the new treaty between Authoxien(?) and all of Kai’aire.”

“We, will do our best to take care of it.”

There air is tense as we make out leave.

There is a period where we’re at odds. I see no issue in trying to head to the cargo deck at this point, going about the rooms and such would hardly be strange. But Cassandra suggests sneaking down, with the help of a distraction.

A head tilt prompts her to elaborate, “You seem to be quite the eye catcher, so it’s possible that at least I can get down there and wait for you?”

“Fair enough,” as most things tend to be.

“Then it’s a plan. I’ll wait for you,” and unlike most times, I do trust her. It’s been awhile since I’ve actually believed any words said to me.

The sun long set and only a few passengers remain on the upper deck. I walk up to the platform the musicians are set up on, watching them slow and most likely finish playing for the night. Pulling out the pouch of gold from the assassin, “30 gold each if you keep playing. Keep playing and follow my tempo.”

The leader, looks up to me, “And what would you have us do?”

Drawing out the words, in a way to make them lean in just a bit, “I have a bit of an act I do back home, if you can follow the tempo…”

“We can follow anything, we are after all, the best in the Liao’Drinson,” a confidence that isn’t just fueled by cockiness.

“Very glad to hear,” a challenge resting in the last comment. If they really are the best, they wouldn't turn that down.

Sauntering down to the deck, I throw up a few small sparks of magic, I begin slowly swaying my hips, a seductive dance. It's strange to dance in such a public place and not in costume, it's uncomfortable to be without the thin veil that gives me whatever sense of false anonymity. And the distance being on a stage provides, but the best way to get attention, is to be in reach of all that want a touch.

The movements begin flowing together, drawing the attention of the few remaining on the top deck.

As the crowd grows, so does my boldness along with the tempo of the music. Drawing in people in the inner circle, teasing and as flirtatious as I can manage, but it's enough for these people. The crowd grows, distantly I can hear the sounds of people going down a floor to get more people.

“Hey! Look what we’ve got up here. Apparently the life of the party decided to get even better!”

Glancing around, I even see some of the crew watching. Either way, it seems that my routine will still work. I can only imagine how they would react were I fully prepared for this. The moves begin picking up speed and drawing in those close by a cheek or chin, and few kisses and flicks of the tongue.

The show comes to an end, with one last kiss on the cheek. Slowly licking my lips, I give a bow. Many of the viewers a much more flustered than I would expect, but I do suppose they might not be used to such an act. The crowd reluctantly parts, eyes watching the sway of my hips as I move forward, this makes slipping away a bit more troublesome. Inhaling and whispering, just after I start towards the stairs, a small smoke cloud blocks their view. Making my way down the two sets of stairs as quiet as I can, rolling through the hatch of the last set, I pause. From a distance, I can hear the applause. Letting out a breath, I move toward to cargo deck, down the stairs I see Cassandra between some of the crates.

Shuffling closer, she whispers, “There are two people, I know the direction, I don’t know what they’re saying. I think they might be our people,” with that she slowly moves off. Sticking close to her, I’m able to eventually pick up on the two voices she was talking about.

“Are you absolutely certain?” the voice is hushed,

“I don't think-”

Both of them are unsteady, and I can’t make out all of what is being said. They begin start talking about weird things like ‘tears’ and ‘viper’s tongue’ and poisons.

I see Cass slowly pull out the rapier from earlier and coat it with something from a vial, much like the one from the assassin. Handing me one, she instructs me to do the same.

Slinking between boxes and staying what I assume is out of view from where I heard the voices coming from, I can only gawk at Cassandra. Brazenly walking about, almost clumsily, I try to reach out and stop her, but the voices notice first.

“It sees we have company, quickly.” and the small light snuffed out.

Slinking down, I try to listen carefully and stare where the voices were last heard. I manage to make out one of them in the shadows.

As Cass moves forward to the desk, moving to sweep off the vials. Four daggers fly forward, and I see her crash to the floor.

Damn it.

Muscles tense as I hurry to find the other, before taking a deep breath, “Now, now. No need for that right now.”

Looking at the limp body and quickly turn and let loose a small ball of fire at the farther one. Two daggers sink into my side, while another set go wide. Breathing deeply, the impact of the first daggers lessen, the wounds almost closing.

Looking intently at the first one I hit, I feel a surge of arcane power, the same purple energy swirling around my hands before blasting into the halfling’s body. A surge of adrenalin pushes through as I force more energy into the spell, and watch him fall. I rush forward to Cass’s body and another dagger hits me. I give a hiss as I try and stabilize her.

Rushing up to the man, I pull out my rapier, a strange glint on it due to poison coating it. The slash digs deep, him hissing in pain at the poison. I hiss at him as he sinks a blade in my side and my vision goes dark.

Warmth fill me, and I gasp. The pain of the the slashes dissipates as the boy continues pushing out healing magics.

“I’m sorry, but it seems that’s all I’m able to do for now,” he sounds a little disappointed.

“No, no thank you, it’s more than enough. Well, we found those two shady people the boy talked about, and there they are,” I hope she’s doing alright, it seems the cleric used a majority of his magic on me.

“You rest easy now, thank you.”

I see Cass gather up the vials on the table, and head up and decide to make my way back up to the top deck as well. Going straight for the bar. I loath alcohol, and anything that makes me any less in my right mind, but there are some things that need something stronger than just myself. Sauntering up, not even bothering to clean off my clothes, I ask for the strongest drink they'll make while also covering the hiding the taste of alcohol with fruit.

“Uh, that'll be 15 gold,” damn rich people. Placing the rest of the assassin's money on the bar, I take my drink and settle down and watch the moon. The sweet fruity syrup helps ease the burn of the alcohol. I eventually feel someone move up to me, glancing up I see Cass, disheveled and a look of poorly contained jealousy.

“We’re done here, and she says you’re a good dancer.”

“I can teach you if you wish,” the amusement not hidden.

She stomps off and gets a few drinks, and we sit in a companionable silence. It's strange to have someone want to be near you, and not necessarily want anything from you. Drinks long finished, we both head towards the passenger deck, intent on turning in for the night.

Walking down to the lower deck, I remember neither of us have a room. Letting out another sigh, I weigh my options. Strolling forward and picking a door at random, I give a light knock.

Slowly, the door opens, out peers a woman, a light silk nightgown covering her. There is relief at it not being a man, something gentle after today's events are needed.

“Uh, yes. You- you were the dancer weren’t you?” her voice groggy and confused.

I hum in response and she continues, “I must say, I’m sorry I am quite tired,”

“No worries, darling,”

“You were quite impressive, well done. Can I help you?” and I begin trailing a hand under her chin. Her skin feels hot, and I shift my own expression through practiced ease, till she draws me into her room.

She falls asleep before I do, content. I smile at her, a sweet person from what I experienced, and very vanilla. Curling around her, it's nice to be next to someone.

Stretching out, my spine gives a satisfying pop and I roll out of the bed. The woman who so kindly shared her bed with me for the night still fast asleep. Funny how these people have the chance to enjoy everything and choose to sleep through it. Strolling out, fixing myself up with some prestidigitation, I spot Cass. Rumpled, but surprisingly rested looking.

“Did you have fun last night?”

“Why yes, it’s part of my job,” I smirk at the notion.

“Well that’s good.” taking a deep breath, “Do we have anything to do today, besides trying to not get caught as stowaways?”

“I don’t think the captain would allow that at this point.” I watch her duck away at the mention of the captain.

The morning comes around, as do the rest of the passengers. Every once in awhile, I look and see Cass pause in the middle of her conversations- really how is it she’s a stowaway, she looks right at home in these crowds.

I'm not sure if Cass is trying to be subtle. But it's hard to miss the flush the covers her face and the little squeak she makes every time the captain makes an appearance. Cute. It reminds me of the the young women who would sometimes show up at the clubs. Easily flustered and just trying to navigate their feelings. I took it upon myself whenever these types of guests would walk into either mother or mentor them. Whichever one suited the individual.

Watching the woman duck away each time the captain showed up, while endearing, would get her nowhere.

Sliding up beside the elf, I move to shove her in the direction of the captain.

“Are you hitting on her for me?” embarrassed and a tad indignant, though, most would be.

“I can do that for you,” if that’s what she needs. She’s saved my ass frequently in the past 24-hours, and helping her out, in an unconventional way, not outside of what I would do for her.

“Do not, I can’t-”

“Then I suggest you do it for yourself, before I do it for myself,” It’s cruel to play, but it might just motivate her to make a move.

“Oh boy. I’m not exactly experienced- I, I live with my parents, I had no siblings, I didn’t interact with people… I’m not exactly the best flirt,” excuses, excuses. You don’t just, appeal and ease in a crowd or navigating people isn’t something you’re born with. It’s something you pick up, out of necessity in my case, but others just learn it.

“It’s endearing, she might like that.” Very few people don’t have a soft spot of the inexperienced and shy.

“I’m going to just stay here,”

Clicking my tongue, I reach for a hold around the elf. She squirms and struggles, but for now, she's stuck with me.

“Are you kidding me?!”

“You’re going to thank me later,” I saw as I continue dragging her toward where Captain Lila is positioned at the wheel.

“I don’t think I will. I saved your life, you don’t need to do this,” and the volume of her yells drop the closer we get.

Lila turns around as we approach, “Yes, uh, how can I help you?”

She stares at the two of us, most likely the scene Cass is causing, “Ofriel, are you okay?”

“Yes- Yes, ma’am. I am very ok. I’m kind of grappled right now, but that’s okay.”

There’s a crack in her voice, “Um, is there anything we can help you with?”

“Not necessarily right now, I think my crew has everything under control.”

“Okay, that’s great.”

“You uh… both of you are… now, this is a little personal, don’t worry I totally understand and I- and if you don’t want to answer. Are you two dating?”

I hear Cass choke at the question, and I quickly shake my head with a smile.

Both our voices overlapping, denying the question.

“No, it’s okay, I understand, I’m- I’m actually cool with it. It’s fine, don’t worry-”

“We like, just met like yesterday!”

“Oh”

“I don’t date,” and I’m surprised when Cass also says those words. That’s usually what I have to tell others.

“O-kay?” she seems rather confused by, probably all of this.

A smirk plays on my lips, “But I think she might be interested in dating you.”

I hear Cass, growl? Choke, I’m not too sure, but the blush that spreads across the captain’s face is well worth it. They’re both so cute.

In that moment, Cass finds it the perfect time to run away. Slipping out of my grip and booking it away with Lila calling after her.

“People these days are so interesting. She reminds me of the- no, the druid was less uh, shy.” and the captain sounds almost wistful. Curious.

After watching Cass, avoid and stare at Lilia whenever she passed by, I huff. You only live once, and humans have much shorter lives than elves. Walking back towards the captain, I begin speaking, “I don’t think she’ll come up to you. Maybe it’s something you have to chase down. I think she’s a little scared

“She just seems a little, she’s a little new to dating. They all learn eventually, we all do. It’s kind of cute though, to watch them.”

“But if you are interested, she’s rather good,” I don’t catch my words, nor did I think about them before speaking and most certainly how they would sound. Pretending as if I didn’t speak words that sounded like I bedded Cass, I wink towards the captain and walk off. I hear a chuckle and throughout the day I spot the two looking at each other, each time Cass dropping her head.

After Lila returns to her study, I see Cass storm up to me, and I can’t tell if she’s angry or embarrassed.

“Look, that didn’t need to happen”

“I think it did. My line of work is very-”

“I understand it’s your line of work, but I wasn’t looking to get embarrassed in front of nobility. I- I” a sigh,” I guess that’s it then. Just don’t, we don’t need to continue this.”

“This? Which part of this?” she’s so fun to tease.

“The part where you flirt with her for me,” the frustration in her voice keeps building.

“I wasn’t flirting with her at all,”

“You understand what I meant.”

“I don’t believe I do?”

“You can find me if you need me, but please don’t try to grab me again, that would be real nice.”

“Will do,” and she walks off, becoming part of the crowd. I’m sure my expression is similar to a cat at this point, the grin maybe a little sharp, but knowing Cass… I wonder if she’ll get anywhere. I truly hope so. While rough around the edges, she has a good heart.

I start a little at the tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I see Landrelia, once again without her husband. I thought noble couples usually stayed close to each other? The worry is forgotten when she extends a hand. The dance is much different this time, not nearly as much competition in it.

“I can’t imagine how horrifying those two assassins must have been, what with the woman and the man.”

“Surely nothing you haven’t seen before,” she does seem like a rather capable woman, and one of such status, surely there have been attempts on her life before.

“Ah, that you sure are right. As a woman of my stature, managing these things can be quite interesting. Especially three assassins to take out council members.” and her voice slowly sharpens as the sentence progresses. Slowly realization dawns on me, but before I can react...

Everything goes a little bit hazy, like being drunk. But it feels so nice, and Landrelia sounds so sweet. The words she’s saying are muffled, but I nod anyway. Leading me below deck, I smile as she opens a door and pulls me in.

She's saying something, it sounds nice.

“So you see, it really is quite interesting meeting two people who could somehow stop an entire plan for defeating this entire council. I could have taken them all out. You see, the council has been oh so against giving me and my delightful husband our land deals that we want. I’m afraid we can’t really have anyone going into it either.”

There’s a moment where everything becomes clear, and everything blacks out.

“Now then, sleep tight. It is really such a shame that you’re going to have to stay here on board this ship the whole time. I’m going to go take care of your friend now.”

I wake with a start. Quickly taking everything in, I snarl. She's the one behind this. And she put a damn charm on me.

Cass is holding something weird and smoking, and something just grazes Landrelia from it.

“Now, now, I don’t think you want to do that.”

Another shot fires, lodging something into her chest.

“I don’t know what the hell you have, but I’m certainly making it out of here alive,” she snarls before shooting a third bolt into Cass’s chest.

Getting up, I feel a now much more familiar every pulse through me, the swirling purple resting around my hands before shooting Landrelia.

“Now, now, didn’t we have such a nice time?” an almost regretful smile on her face causes my focus to drop for a second.

Frustrated, I try again. She just sidesteps the beam as if it were harmless. The audacity. She looks at me, some incantation spilling from her lips as everything tenses and almost freezes up. Shaking it off and baring my fangs I stare down at her.

“My, my, my, isn’t that appauling.”

“Catch me if you can,” the smirk on her face makes my blood boil.

With a wink, she leaves.

Dropping beside the body on the group, adrenaline makes my hands shaky, but I think she’ll be ok. That bitch.

Slamming open the door, dread fills me hearing the shouted, “Land ho! There it is!”

Murmurs of the passengers break out and I can see a few crew members running down the stairs.

“What was that-” confusion

“Get her!”

Collecting myself, “Help, her!” I shout before rushing up the stairs. Where is she. Scanning through the crowd, I almost miss her, but her hair catches my eye just as it had the first time I saw her.

Cleaned up and casually moving about the ship and other passengers, she looks towards me.

“Yes, Dez, come over here, won’t you?” and her voice almost soothing but I shake

“Oh how sad that is,” and she turns toward a man I’m not familiar with and pats him on the shoulder, telling him something.

“Landrelia!” my voice louder than it has ever been, “you fucking get your ass over here! You’re not getting away with this!” The crowd is taken aback, what a sight to see.

She feigns being offended at my words, “How could you?” How could I?

The man next to her pulls a crossbow, the bolt sinking into my side. And i just barely manage to shake off whatever poison they lathered it with. I feel more than see Cassandra run up, thank the gods she’s alright.

Next to her is the young cleric, and he, heals her?

The boat is slowing, and Landrelia takes it as her leave. Shrugging off part of her gown, she reveals a set of leather armor before jumping ship.

As the water breaks, I shout, “Captain! We have her, she’s jumped ship!”

Eyeing the man who shot me, I duck into the crowd, which is surprisingly still there. The bow once again pulled, a second bolt sinks in next to the first.

Whatever it is Cass is carrying, blasts the man before turning towards the cleric and shouting.

A blue door shape materializes on the edge of the ship, and out steps the captain, a red cape glittering and a long bow drawn. Hat discarded and hair flowing behind her, she is a fierce sight.

With speed I would never expect from any mortal creature, four arrows are fired,

“Now then, we can’t have passengers leaving the ship without captain’s orders, after all it would be-” one arrow flies,

“A pain,” two,

“In my ass,” three,

“To deal with the paperwork.” the fourth hits and a cry comes from the water. Running over to the edge, slowly blood dyes the water and the body with the arrows sinks out of view. Spinning around, I run up to that man who kept shooting me, rapier drawn and ready. One smooth slash has him stumble over the railing. The ship docks, and the council members are waiting to greet the passengers.

Just before departing, Lila pulls us aside.

I can’t tell what she spoke to Cassandra about, but I do see the kiss she gives her.

Nodding towards me, she makes her way over.

“Despite what you may think, you have a good heart, and your kindness speaks volumes. No matter who you try to fool.” It shocks me to hear that. From anyone.

We both watch as the ship departs, disappearing into the horizon.

The council members converse briefly, giving welcomes and so forth. But they congratulate the two of us. Hearing stories of what we did, when was there time for that?

“Is the name Landrelia familiar?” remembering her mentioning something about the council and them not cooperating with them.

The warlock smiles and explains how Ioun told him of an assassination attempt. Another member brings up some of the failed land deals with the woman. Bringing up her husband, they all look surprised.

“She never had a husband,” this information shocks me. Looking around, I spot the man in the crowd, and he looks at all of us before disappearing. Fuck.

#deer arts #writing #DnD #Dez #with sunshine #with poodleboi

[shadowofcancer-blog1]

I Am Writing a Book. And Yes, I’m Freaked Out.

You always hear about people having deep life-realizations that change the course of their lives, but somehow you just don’t expect your biggest epiphany to come upon you in Jerry’s Deli.

When my mom got cancer, I took it personally.

I took the gruesome death sentence that was projected upon my only parent.

I took the nights watching her tossing in a hospital bed doped up on morphine.

I took the fear of death and endings and I tucked them into bed with me every night. I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. To her. To all of us.

I was angry. I was terrified. I felt like I was walking on a very slippery tight-rope that someone had taken the time to oil carefully as a cosmic joke, just to watch how we dealt with it.

The truth is, mom was walking on that tight rope, but I followed her onto it, terrified to lose her in the abyss below, knowing all the while that I did not actually have the power to stop that from happening.

There was a night early on in our cancer journey when my boyfriend insisted I leave the hospital to eat dinner. I had been sleeping on a cot in a corner of the hideous beige room for over a week and had literally not left the premises once at this point, convinced that my mere presence was helping avert any further disaster.

My sister agreed with him and unceremoniously shoved me out the door. The restaurant in question was just across the street, but that was of zero comfort to me. I told my sister to call me if anything changed during the 90 minutes I would be gone. (It is possible that I am the ultimate control freak.)

I sat at dinner. I didn’t eat. My leg kept twitching. This had been happening for a while now, but I had been too preoccupied to analyze what that meant.

I moved the food around on my plate. I went down my mental list of worries. And then… I looked around, finally noticing the fact that there were other people scattered around the tables in the restaurant.

It was just after Christmas. That time of year in LA when people are still aimlessly hanging out in different bars and restaurants and getting together with their friends. It’s almost New Year. A new beginning is coming. Most industries here are still closed down. People are happy…ish. They are laughing in their black leather jackets. Twinkle lights are hanging in random nooks and crannies looking mildly drunk, much like the people who are sitting next to them, people congratulating themselves on surviving another holiday season chockfull of dysfunctional families.

And there I was, watching them from a red leather booth, feeling like I was 100,000 miles away, wondering if I would ever feel “normal” again.

Nothing felt like it mattered.

Not really.

The things I was usually preoccupied with were the usual sort of things. Career stresses suddenly seemed like they were from another lifetime.

Money, which had always been a particularly sore subject for me during the best and worst of times was almost a joke at this point, seeing as our stay in the hospital was sure to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars that my family simply did not have. (Fun fact: The bills added up to well over a million.)

All my noisiest concerns were slipping down some faraway river and I was watching them drift by with mild interest.

It all seemed so irrelevant.

It was almost funny.

You always hear about people having deep life-realizations that change the course of their lives, but somehow you just don’t expect your biggest epiphany to come upon you in Jerry’s Deli. But there it was, and I was watching the stressed-out waitress absent-mindedly pour me some terrible coffee when my epiphany arrived:

Nothing mattered.

It felt a bit more like a balloon deflating, and a bit less like the clash of thunder I would have expected for such a moment.

All sound effects aside, the bottom line was that I suddenly realized that absolutely nothing mattered if the people I cared about were alive and healthy.

Everything else that had ever weighed on me in my entire life suddenly seemed so fixable.

Possible. Tiny. Idiotic.

It was like I had just learned the punchline to some horrible universal joke, and the other side was empty.

So I laughed.

Out loud.

You know… like a crazy person.

My boyfriend gave me a nervous look. The poor guy hadn’t gotten a tutorial for this situation anymore than I did. He had remained silent to most of my knee-jerk reactions lately. I didn’t blame him.

The rest of the night is a blur, but I vaguely remember hoping that the Deli Epiphany of 2013 would not leave me, and that I would be able to maintain this grand evolutionary perspective, and take on the rest of my life without fear.

My gut, in its own nonchalant kind of way was telling me that if I could maintain it, and if by some miracle, my mother “stayed ok” that this new way of life would be very freeing of all the anxiety I used to feel over the most menial of issues.

That night was years ago now.

In the past few years, I watched my mom’s cancer return.

I moved to a place where cancer patients go to live and where cancer patients go to die.

I got to know their families and their children, and we laughed together.

I cried with them later, when we lost their people, and I cried with them later, when their people healed from the monster that we all knew so well.

I learned that compassion is not what I thought it was.

When you are literally massaging the physical tumors of someone you have known for three months, and you feel like your heart is going to explode from the amount of pain you feel as you are doing so, you realize that we are all exactly the same.

And really, we are terribly fragile.

Bad fights with my mother have hit harder than ever, and in a different way - because even while we were snapping at each other, I knew that this could be one of the last times I would have the luxury of arguing with my mom.

I watched a very close friend die slowly.

I listened to her as two days before she left this world, despite all the pain she was in and the way her body had shriveled up like a tiny decaying leaf, she whispered to me that she felt so blessed to have people who love her so much around her, trying to help in any way they can.

I held her hand as she told me that she knew it was time to die, and she was ok with it.

I then drove to a different hospital to watch my mom turn uncomfortably in yet another hospital bed, hoping against hope that her next MRI scan would not show us any new “visitors.”

I have given speeches at funerals, without knowing what to say.

I have met 17-year-olds with brain tumors who were just trying to finish their schooling.

I talked with a man as he held his 3-year-old daughter who was suffering from Leukemia and weighed close to nothing. Her bald skull was shiny, her eyes wide in her face. She leaned her head on his shoulder as he spoke calmly with me, throwing out medical terms that we were both too familiar with.

His eyes were screaming. I knew that look. I felt that look.

I took a phone call a month later from someone who told me the little girl was now dead.

I still think of his eyes.

In the past few years, I have thought a lot about the meaning of life and death, and while this would be a perfect time to throw some beautiful words at you from Rumi and the greats, the truth is I have no answers. I don’t know why things are so unfair and impossible.

My mom getting cancer, and then getting “terminal cancer,” changed my life in many ways.

Cancer does that. We know. But it also changed me in a way I could not anticipate.

It made my life better.

I hate saying that.

I literally felt a wave of revulsion pass through me as I typed those words.

But I cannot deny that it is true.

When I decided to write my book, I decided to be honest. And the truth is that I had no idea what was important in life before the monster came knocking on my family’s door. I thought I did. I was awesome at thinking that I did. I could have given you lists, peppered with the right inspirational quotes and clever phrases about what was important.

But I was full of shit.

I thought I was good at losing people. At missing them. I had lost my dad at an early age. I lost one of my best friends to a motorcycle accident when I was a teenager. I lived in a country overrun by terror. I have worn gas masks in bomb shelters and been around a fair share of terrible things that made me appreciate the good things, or so I thought.

Nothing changed my life the way that this did.

So now what?

What do you do when you have this experience?  What do you do when you are literally given a miracle?

As of 2017, only 1% of people who are diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer are alive after 5 years.

Bile-Duct cancer sees similar numbers.

What do you do when you are the miracle?

You get overwhelmed, sure. You feel small. You get angry because the others should have a chance as well. You reach out when people fighting the same monster come into your life, because you know that this kind of fear and uncertainty is something no one should have to go through without a support system.

And if you are me, you start noticing a voice in your head that is repeating: Write down the story. Write down the story.

Because it is…. quite the story.

It is the story of how my mom got diagnosed with one of cancer’s most aggressive offerings. It is the story of how we ended up in an excellent hospital on Christmas Eve even though she had no medical insurance. It is the story of how she got an operation that most people are not even eligible for, and it is the story of how after all of this, after we came home and thought we might be lucky enough to experience “normal” again, I got a phone call telling me that I would now have to tell my mother “they” thought she had 6 months left to live.

Most importantly - it is the story of how she lived.

#cancer #pancreatic cancer #alternative #rivi litvin #alternative medicine #bile duct cancer #true story #real life #no chemo #miracles #shadow of cancer #cholangiocarcinoma

[365daysofj2]

I'll Be Right Here (Library!Boys, 26/?)

Jared sleeps hard that night, exhausted from the emotional and physical ordeal. When he wakes up, it’s fully light outside, and a different nurse, this one blonde, is changing his IV bag. “Good morning,” she says cheerfully. “How are you feeling, Jared?” Jared yawns. “Okay, I guess. When can I see Jensen?” “ICU visiting hours start at ten,” she replies. Jared picks up his phone from the bedside tray and looks at the time. It’s only 7:30. Two and a half hours to go. Also, his phone only has 22% battery. “Hey, does the gift shop have phone chargers?” “No, but the campus bookstore does. You can call them on the room phone, there’s a directory underneath it.” She pulls a cart up to the side of the bed. “I need to get your vitals.” She holds up a blood pressure cuff. “Arm, please.” Jared holds out his arm and she attaches the cuff. Once she’s gotten the readout she needs, she releases his arm and lets him call the campus bookstore. Luckily, they can get a volunteer to bring the charger to his room and even collect the payment for it. His phone is at 12% by the time the volunteer gets to his room with his charger and a Square-equipped iPad. Jared hands over his debit card and pays for it. Thank God they live in the twenty-first century. Jared plugs his phone in and FaceTimes Felicia and Max. Max seems a little confused by the phone, but he settles when he hears Jared’s voice, and Felicia gives him all the head pats and chin scratches that Jared can’t. He promises to call again after dinner, and Felicia agrees to give him extra treats. When Jared hangs up the phone, he’s pleased to see that it’s almost ten o’clock. He’s just about to push the call button when the blonde nurse shows up with a wheelchair. As she’s attaching the IV bag and oxygen tank to the chair, he asks what her name is. “Alona,” she answers. Alona takes him down to the ICU. Jared holds his breath as she pushes him through the door to Jensen’s room. The big tube is gone, thank God, and the face mask is back in its place. Jensen’s eyes are closed, but when he hears the door close, he opens them and they immediately crinkle up happily when he sees Jared. Jared smiles ear to ear. “Hey, baby. You look a lot better today.” Jensen nods. “He still isn’t supposed to talk,” Alona informs Jared. Jensen holds up a Penn State notebook and pen, which he must’ve gotten from the campus bookstore as well. He scrawls something on the first page and holds it up. They did another fucking scope last night, but I actually do feel better now. “I’m really glad to hear that,” says Jared, still smiling. “God, I’ve been so worried about you. You looked pretty bad last night.” Jensen writes something else. Don’t let the geeky exterior fool you—I’m tougher than I look. “I’ll say!” Jared pats Jensen’s blanket-covered knee. “God, that whole tube thing scared the crap out of me.” Wasn’t any fun for me either, responds Jensen. But it’s gone now. Can we talk about something else? Jared nods. “Of course. Whatever you want.” Have you talked to anyone from DCLS yet? Do they know what caused the fire? “Well, I talked to Mark yesterday afternoon,” answers Jared. “The police and fire department are still investigating. They saw a couple of kids in the camera footage that they want to question, but that’s it so far.” What about the building? “Well, the back half is toast, literally and figuratively. Repairs would take a minimum of three months, but the circ area and the materials suffered smoke and sprinkler damage—apparently the sprinklers inside the circ area worked but ours didn’t—so they’re thinking about maybe trying to do a capital campaign for a new building in the suburbs.” Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up. The suburbs? Really?! “Yeah, they think it would be safer.” Jensen rolls his eyes. Wow, really? Fucking morons. I’m surprised they didn’t suggest actually moving it right into the heart of Allison Hill. “They’re talking about trying to get capital from Paxtang and Swatara Township, but I just don’t see it happening,” adds Jared. “I figure they’ll end up just repairing the current building and maybe giving you back your INA support.” I wouldn’t turn that down, replies Jensen. I’d also like them to give us more/better cameras. We really need ones that point at the outsides of the doors and at the front parking area. I’m also gonna see if they’ll ban smoking on the grounds entirely and actually enforce it. “Is this something you’ve been thinking about for a while?” Jensen shakes his head. No, just this morning. Believe me, I’ve had plenty of time on my hands to think about it. They wake me up every hour to check something or other. Intensive care is intensely annoying. “Yeah, but it’s clearly helping you,” replies Jared. “It won’t be for much longer. Just try to get better so you can come up and room with me. It’s lonely on the fourth floor without you.” It’s even lonelier down here, Jensen writes, and puts down the pen so he can grab Jared’s hand. Jared leans in and kisses Jensen’s forehead, then touches their foreheads together. “I love you,” murmurs Jared. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” They stay like that for a long moment. When Jared finally pulls back, Jensen very deliberately places Jared’s hand on his leg and releases it so he can pick up the pen. Then he draws a heart on the back of Jared’s hand and writes a J in the middle. Jared looks up to see Jensen’s eyes crinkled at the corners like he’s grinning widely. Jared grins back. “Love you, baby.” Jensen nods firmly and puts the pen down. He taps the heart with one finger and then taps Jared’s nose. Jared’s grin gets even wider. “Okay, Jared, time’s up,” says Alona from behind him. Jared doesn’t even mind. “I’ll be back in four hours.” Jensen writes on a page and holds it up. I’ll be right here.

#j2 fanfic #j2 #j2 au #365daysofj2 #hospital

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (117/155)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Sixteen

Strange was on the ground but he was awake and Peter stood a few feet away, the iron legs gone back into the suit and his mask pulled back. The cape flew away from Peter where Peter had been greeting it to Strange as Tony approached and let the nanotech in the suit pull back entirely as he walked towards them.

“We’ve got to turn this ship around,” Strange said.

It was Tony’s first instinct too. Figure out how to turn the ship around and go back home. It was sort of his main instinct because Peter was on the ship. The only thing was that he didn’t know if they could or if it was the right thing to do. Maybe there was something to the idea of catching Thanos unaware because the last thing that he was probably expecting was for them to show up wherever the ship was headed. After all, they were already headed to space so maybe they just needed to stick with that trajectory since Strange had gotten them into this situation in the first place by not leaving when he could have.

“Stark, we have to turn the ship around.”

“Yeah. Now he wants to run. Great plan,” Tony muttered.

“No,” Strange grounded out. “I want to protect the stone.”

Tony really just -- he hated how arrogant Strange was even after Tony had gone to the trouble of saving his life. He headed towards what looked to be the controls of the ship.

“And I want you to thank me. Go ahead. I’m listening,” Tony added as he walked away.

“For what? Nearly blasting me into space?” Strange asked as if he hadn’t been surrounded by needles just a few minutes earlier.

It was as if he wasn’t taking into consideration at all that Tony and Peter had had to leave Earth to save him because he and the Time Stone around his neck had gotten captured and taken onto an alien ship.

“Who just saved your magical ass?” Tony asked and he turned because he knew that Strange had walked after him. “Me.”

“I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet,” Strange said and Tony thought that he must have said it solely to irritate him. He really couldn’t stand this man.

If Strange had only listened to Tony while they were on Earth when Tony told him to leave it was possible that they wouldn’t be in the situation they were finding themselves in now on some alien ship in space headed to -- well, Tony had no idea where they were headed.

“Admit it,” Tony said. “You should have ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.”

Dr. Strange scoffed and it was clear that he was too arrogant and too determined to disagree with Tony and at least bickering with him took his mind off of worrying about Peter and the outcome of the situation they were in. From the looks of it it the ship was on some sort of autopilot. Tony had no way of knowing where it was headed but there was certainly a destination.

“Unlike everyone else in your life,” Strange said, “I don’t work for you.”

“And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying donut billions of miles away from Earth with no backup.” That was the part that really rankled Tony if he was honest. He had no way to contact the team -- to let them know what was going on or that they were okay. No way to figure out a plan together and really decide what their best choice would be. They were on their own. He and Peter were on their own with Strange.

“I’m backup,” Peter spoke up from behind Strange.

Tony didn’t want to be angry with Peter. He didn’t want to be upset at him for staying on the ship when Tony had been sending home and yet it was there under the surface because Tony had to think about the universe as a whole and his mind just kept going back to protecting his kid because to him that was the most important thing and yet -- Peter’s well being couldn’t be the priority. Not this time.

“No,” Tony said, addressing Peter, “you’re a stowaway.” And for good measure he pointed at himself and Strange. “The adults are talking.”

Peter’s shoulders dropped a little and he looked like he was ready to argue back, but he seemed to rethink it.

“I’m sorry,” Strange said. He was looking between him and Peter with some interest. “So, I’m a bit confused as to the relationship here. What is he? Your ward?”  

“No,” Peter said. “I’m Peter, by the way.”

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” Tony said. “After all, everyone knows I have a son.”

Granted, most people didn’t know that his son was Peter and that his son was Spider-Man, but Strange wouldn’t care one way or another.

Strange grunted. “I don’t actually follow your media coverage, Stark,” he said. “So this is your son, then?” Strange looked Peter over, seemingly taking the moment to really look at him before he let out a breath. “I’m Doctor Strange,” he said directing it at Peter.

Tony busied himself looking at the controls of the ship, trying to figure out how they worked and what they might need to do to get control of the ship and maybe get it off of autopilot too.

“Oh,” Peter said, “we’re using our made-up names. Um, I’m Spider-Man, then.”

Tony tried not to laugh. He wasn’t sure if Peter had said it because he was serious or because he was getting some amusement out of confusing Strange.

“The ship is self-correcting its course,” Tony informed them. “It’s on autopilot.”

Tony still wasn’t sure if they should head back home. The father in him said yes -- that it was the best thing to do. It would mean being back somewhere familiar where they could figure out what to do with the Time Stone. It would also mean having Peter back on Earth and having the option of trying to keep Peter out of trouble. But he couldn’t make that decision based solely on what was best for Peter. He couldn’t be a dad -- he couldn’t be Tony Stark about it. He had to be Iron Man -- he had to be an Avenger.

“Can we control it? Fly us home?” Strange asked.

Tony didn’t answer. What were the better odds? Thanos would come for the stone no matter where they were and with him destruction and death.

“Stark?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you get us home?” Oh, but he wanted to. He wanted to badly.

“I heard you,” Tony said. “I’m -- I’m thinking -- well...I’m not so sure we should go back.”

Tony knew that as soon as he said it that Strange didn’t agree and that he didn’t understand what Tony meant by it.

“Under no circumstance can we bring the Time Stone to Thanos,” Strange said. “I don’t think you quite understand what’s at stake here.” He got in Tony’s face, anger and fear so obvious in the way he stared at Tony and it was so demeaning and pushy and of course Tony understood. He understood better than anyone.

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Tony shot back. “Thanos has been inside my head for six years! Since he sent an army to New York and now he’s back and I don’t know what to do. So, I’m not so sure if it’s a better plan to fight him on our turf or his, but you saw what they did. What he can do. At least on his turf, he’s not expecting it. So, I say we take the fight to him.”

He had decided. He was sure it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. Tony stared at Strange and at least the man was smart enough to take Tony’s words and think on them and not just shove them aside like everything else Tony had said.

“Doctor, do you concur?”

Strange took a moment and then there was a slight nod even though Tony could tell that Strange wasn’t entirely sure. “Alright, Stark. We go to him.”

Was it a good plan? Tony wasn’t sure -- it just seemed like the thing to do. Because if they could turn the ship around -- assuming they could even manage that -- it wouldn’t exactly lead them away from the fight. Tony started to turn away from Strange, but Strange stopped him and he looked almost apologetic in the way he stared at Tony. He glanced back towards Peter once before speaking.

“You have to understand,” Strange said, “if it comes to saving you or your son or the Time Stone -- I will not hesitate to let either of you die. The fate of the universe depends on it.”

Peter let out a gasp. Small and almost silent. Tony tried not to react with anger.  

“Good,” Tony said. “Nice moral compass you got there.”

Strange looked away and Tony stepped back too and then he looked towards Peter. Too loyal and too wonderful Peter who should have been back on Earth safe and sound. Tony would have felt so much better about this decision if Peter wasn’t there. He hated the idea of bringing Peter along to this fight -- to face a threat worse than any they’d ever faced before. Peter had moved over, closer to the controls which he looked at with curious interest.

Tony dropped a hand to Peter’s shoulder and Peter just moved into a hug almost instantly as if it were instinct to him and Tony didn’t mind it at all. Peter’s arms wrapped around Tony’s middle and he was warm and breathing and alive and Tony could hear his heartbeat and it was enough. Tony pressed a kiss to Peter’s head and he closed his eyes and let himself imagine that they weren’t on an alien ship and instead back home and none of it was true.

“Love you, kid,” Tony said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen,” Peter whispered.

“I know.” And he did. He could tell that Peter felt sorry -- he maybe didn’t regret his actions completely, but he hated disappointing Tony. “It’s -- I don’t know if I’d say it’s okay but there’s nothing to be done now.”

“I know,” Peter said.

When Tony looked up he found that Strange was watching them.

Chapter One Hundred Eighteen

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

[skittles-pixie]

85 statements

R U L E S : you must answer these eighty five statements and tag twenty people

I was tagged by the always wonderful @essentiallychaotic​

I would like to tag: dude idk if I know 20 people to tag but ill try... if I tag you and you don't want me to please tell me @iridescentautistic​ @mybloodyplacemats​ @wanderer-and-muse​ @standswithpotatos​ @alaskanomad​ @melodychanges​ @happydance416​ uuuuuuh idk that's 7? lol @everyone that works right?

Part 1: the last:

drink: Twist up its a lemon lime soda... idk I asked my boy for a drink and that's what he brought me

phone call: My mother she woke me up two days ago

text message: to me- my mother.... from me- my coworker

song you listened to: Brittany spears toxic started playing on the radio when I got home from work

time you cried: Last night... combination of hormones and touchy feely movie... hormones suck...

Part 2: Ever:

dated someone twice: uh ive been on more than one date with my boy... otherwise my dating history is a little unclear... several guys who acted like we were dating and then refused to actually call it a date... so yeah idk...

kissed someone and regretted it: ooooooooh yeah.....  alcohol is bad for you kids......

been cheated on: nope... ive only been in the one relationship and I have a very loyal boy

lost someone special: yes... both in passing away and by loosing touch....

been depressed: been? as in passed tense... lol try still depressed... ive learned how to handle it though, and it helps to have an outlet that's not controlled by my mother, and people who care about me. and to not be told how terrible I am every 5 minutes.

gotten drunk and thrown up: I had a crazy 21st birthday.... after that I try not to get that drunk... but it happens on occasion... lol

Part 3: Favourite colours: ALL OF THEM!!! I really like colors.. though green, blue, and blood red are prolly my top colors...

Part 4: In the last year have you:

made new friends: yes.... more like my boy made friends and introduced me, but yeah I always meet new people

fallen out of love: Naw  I love my boy too much

laughed until you cried: yeeeeah.... I laugh a lot lol....

found out someone was talking about you: yeah apparently people talk about me a lot “oh yeah I know who you are” is a phrase I hear a lot when meeting people... also I guess my boy talks about me? but from what I hear people usually say good things

met someone who changed you: yeah ive spent some time getting to know myself better

found out who your friends are: yeah.... and in the process ive lost almost all of them, but I'm done trying too hard to get people to like me. I want to be invited out not just kinda sorta included but only if somebody else takes me. So yeah... long story short I found out that my friends are simply not....lol... I do still have the good ones though....

kissed someone on your facebook list: don't have facebook.... if I did it would prolly be yes though lol....

Part 5: General:

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: yeah still don't have facebook

do you have any pets: Theyre not really mine, but I live with 2 doggos

do you want to change your name: when I was little I wanted to change my name... I wanted something more pretty like rose or diamond.... but now I'm pretty happy with my name... would only change my last name if the occasion called for it....

what did you do for your last birthday: If I remember right I went to my physics class and then chilled in the empty cabin.... my boys aunt and uncle were visiting from Germany and got me a cake and a couple of presents... but on the actual day of my birthday I was pretty much alone... but birthdays are gross anyway

what time did you wake up: 1 pm lol... I'm too much of a night owl

what were you doing at midnight last night:  I was finishing my movie and playing with my phone... I wanted to snap about how the sunlight in Alaska makes fireworks a bummer for the 4th, but I was too lazy lol  

name something you can’t wait for: not having schoolwork.... I'm so glad to be done.....

when was the last time you saw your mom: may when she came up for my graduation... it wasn't too bad... she only put  me down once....

what are you listening to right now: bobs burgers.... my boys watching it

have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes.... I have a friend named tom.... we don't talk very often... but hes still my friend....

something that is getting on your nerves: my one coworker.... he pisses me off...

most visited website: tumblr.... or Netflix....

hair colour: blonde... which is kinda an ombre cause I dye it lighter and then let it grow out and then repeat so its always lightest on the bottem lol... though I'm trying to let it grow out for a bit...

do you have a crush on someone: my booooooooooooy (please read that in a super cheasy sappy sarcastic tone)

what do you like about yourself: that's a tough question... lol... But I like my ability to be stubborn... It helps me work hard to get what I want and be a better person.... and I get to prove people wrong which is great because so many people have told me that I would never really succeed because the odds were too stacked against me...

piercings: don't have any... have considered earings.. but nah....

blood type: yeah... no idea

nickname: cece ce Cebu skittles pixie.....

relationship status: dating and hopeful for the future cause this is a very good one...

zodiac: leo

pronouns: She/Her

favourite tv show: Gilmore Girls, buffy, charmed, x files.... idk I watch a lot of shows...

tattoos:  I absolutely love them... but my fear of needles and my indecisiveness mean that I don't have any nor any plans to get one... but I love henna... 

right or left handed: right handed when it comes to writing... but ambidextrous for just about anything else...

piercing: no.

sport: uuuuh I don't follow any major teams or anything... but I'm always down to watch baseball, basketball, hockey, or soccer... ill gladly play any sport but I'm sorely out of shape lol and I don't always know all the rules... football still confuses me...

vacation: everywhere lol.... but right now Germany, Ireland, las vagas, japan, or just taking time off to travel around Europe in general, are all at the top of my list.....

pair of trainers: ????? idk????

Part 6: more general :

eating: Most food is good... I will prolly die if you ever feed me spicy food tho

. drinking: water, iced tea, hot tea, coffee, some soda but not very much or very often, milk, alcohol...

I’m about to: prolly go to bed so I don't  die working the morning shift tomorrow

waiting for: it to be dark at night again lol...

want: my degree, a job that utilizes that degree, my own place.

get married: one day. ive got some time before anything happens... but I found my person....

career: Chemistry.... in Alaska.... man I'm still piecing that one together.... but environmental chemistry is super cool... and id love to work with the Alaskan environment, to keep it safe and clean and to better understand how it works

hugs or kisses: both... but mainly hugs... I'm a very touch oriented person....

lips or eyes: lips...  idk why cause I love eyes too... but I'm fascinated with how peoples lips look.... like I never understood those superhero masks that just cover their eyes because I always recognize people by their lips and how they talk

shorter or taller: taller....... when I'm around tall people I feel smaller and that makes me happy... plus like.. they can reach the shit that I cant lol...

older or younger: I'm sooo old...... not really but sometimes I feel like it so idk lol

nice arms or nice stomach: arms... always.... especially shoulders...

hook up or relationship: uh before my current relationship I was totally all for either though I focused mainly on hook ups... but now I'm content with the relationship thing....

troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker... definitely... but usually its a good thing.... I never much cared for rules...

kissed a stranger: oh yeah... many times...

drank hard liquor: yup... do it a lot... but life in Alaska....

lost glasses or contact lenses: forgot where I put them a few times... but always found them... break glasses a lot tho....

turned someone down: yeeeeah... guys usually don't respond well... I know... big surprise...

sex on the first date: yup... i love sex....

broken someone’s heart: yeah.... it was terrifying... i vaguely knew him through mutual friends and similar activities...  he asked to be my valentine when id told him that id never had one before ... valentines was about two weeks away... we saw each other for like a week... he had my entire future planned out for me... and i couldn't get passed the fact that he was 14 years older than me....  when i told him things weren't gonna work he broke down bawling.... and our mutual friends told me how bad he was after the conversation....

had your heart broken: yeah... and then toyed with... it was fuuuuuun.......

been arrested: no I'm an good kid who can do nothing wrong... and anytime ive done anything illegal i was always with people who took all the attention off of me....

cried when someone died: yeah... ive known too many people that have died....

fallen for a friend: yup... it didn't work out

Part 7: do you believe in:

yourself: Its a work in progress lol.

miracles: yes. This world is not always as terrible as the people who inhabit it...  

love at first sight: you know... i never used to believe in it... but then i met my boy and i swear to god it was like i saw the puzzle pieces of my life fall into place around me... we were pretty drunk but to this day i still cant explain why i had such a strong urge to meet this man. why i insisted that he had to play pool with us... we already had more than enough people to play... but he had to be there with us.... and from that moment on my life has just gotten better and better....

Santa Claus: I guess... more like i believe that once upon a time he exsisted....

kiss on the first date: yes... again I'm a very touch oriented person....

angels: I think theres a lot of things out there that we do not understand and we are not ment to... so yeah i think angels exist...

Part 8: Other:

current best friend’s name:

Mckenzi is my go to... but Daniel is also my best friend.... I have a few others too like maddi... but if i named everyone then id be naming like all my friends and that would make me sad because I'm too social to have such a small social group lol....

eye colour: blue....

Favourite movie: depends on my mood... but i can never really pick a favorite...

#personal #tagged #oh god this is long #lol #enjoy #long post

[illyriantremors]

Beneath the Stars Chapter 20

Chapter: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X XI XII XIII XIV XV XVI XVII XVIII XIX

AO3 Linkage

Summary: Feyre waits with Rhys and her sisters at the hospital to receive any news from the doctors about her dad. When her mom finally shows up, Feyre is forced to admit some deeply painful realities about her life and decide where things go for her next.

Chapter 20

The four of us sat in the hospital waiting room outside of the ICU while the doctors worked on dad. I had no idea what they were doing. Even as his kids, they wouldn’t tell Nesta and I anything until mom got there.

Rhys rubbed circles into my back, kneading the muscles to rid them of tension. Nesta sat across from us a mask of stone cold indifference. It wasn’t until her head tipped over onto Cassian’s shoulder that I realized just how wrecked she really was.

An hour passed. Every time a nurse or a doctor went past the waiting room doors, my heart lurched in response. But no one came. No one said anything. Until finally…

A faint clacking coming up the linoleum floors, growing louder as it approached, told me she was here. I barreled out of the room before she’d rounded the corner and mom engulfed me in her arms.

“Oh honey,” she said and I cried all over again into her shoulder, shocked by how good it was just to hear her voice. How much I had missed it and never once admitted it, not even to myself.

Elain walked up behind mom and touched my head. We pulled her into the hug and when I looked over mom’s shoulder, Nesta was watching us.

“Nesta,” I croaked. She joined us and you would have thought she and Elain had been the ones who hadn’t seen or spoken to mom in nearly seven months, they clung on so hard.

“Mrs. Archeron?”

A doctor in head to toe scrubs pulled us out of our happy moment and back to the stark reality of the situation. Our teary smiles dissipated.

“I’ll be right back,” mom said. She and the doctor left and we were resigned to wait once more, this time with Elain joining us.

“Oh Feyre, the dress looks lovely on you,” she said with some of Mor’s eternal cheeriness filling her cheeks. “Although, I don’t recall giving Nesta a dress with, uh, are those paint stains?”

I blushed and looked at Rhys before I could think better of it. His lips pursed to one side and I could practically hear his thoughts pounding inside my head.

Cruel, wicked thing.

“I’ve had quite the night,” I said and left it at that. Elain beamed at me.

“I’ll bet. Tell me about it?”

And so Elain’s optimism kept us all distracted while we waited for mom to get back. I told her about Starfall, about how perfect it was. Rhys and Cassian chimed in with additional details where necessary until a good picture of the night had formed, explicit paint sessions excluded.

“He’s in the clear.”

All of us jumped up when mom came back to the room. My chest expanded with glorious, glorious air at the news, but one look at the hard line of mom’s face and I knew there was worse news to come.

“Would you gentlemen mind excusing us?” mom asked, looking to Rhys and Cassian.

“Of course,” Rhys said. Cassian nodded at me with a little salute. I think he winked at Nesta, but Rhys stepped in front of me and wrapped me up in his arms so I couldn’t entirely tell. “All you need to do is call, okay?”

A warmth spread through my chest. Call - and he’d be there.

“Thank you, for everything.”

“Always, darling. Always.”

After a quick kiss, the boys left. Mom didn’t have time to give Nesta and I a wary eye as she sat in one of the chairs. Elain closed the door for added privacy from a watchful nursing staff.

“How’s he doing?” I asked outright. “Tell me everything.”

“He’s not good,” mom admitted. “Alcohol poisoning. He blacked out at some point after he vomited. The doctor said another hour, maybe even a matter of minutes later and he might not have made it.”

A broken gasp pitched out of Elain as she took a trembling hand to cover her mouth.

“But he’s okay?” I pressed ignoring the urger in my foot to rattle against the floor. “The doctor said he’ll be okay now?”

Mom regarded me thoughtfully. I recognized the look. It was the one that said, Feyre, your favorite stuffed animal is still in tact, but Nesta spilled juice on it. It was the one that said, Feyre, you can go to college if you want, but you can’t afford it. It was the one that said, Feyre, your dad’s alive, but he��s still dying.

“He’s going to have to stay in the hospital for a while. They’ve stabilized him for now, but it’s gonna be a while before his body recovers enough to get back up. But even if he pulls out just fine…”

Mom sighed, rubbing between her eyes with her forefinger and thumb.

“Girls, your father isn’t coming home when he gets released from the hospital.”

“What?”

The only one still standing, Nesta growled at my objection. But I didn’t care.

“He has to come home. Where else is he supposed to go? Who is going to take care of him if he doesn’t come home?”

I still didn’t understand. Even as I said the words, I still didn’t get it that I couldn’t take care of him. It broke my heart to confront the reality that I alone was not enough to save my father and never could be.

My mom quickly scooped up my hands in hers and then looked down in horror like she wasn’t sure this was allowed anymore now that the initial high of being reunited was over. But I let her hold me. I would have let her do anything in that moment because I was so tired of trying to figure things out on my own even though I didn’t understand.

“Nesta, Elain,” mom said. “Can you girls step out for a moment? I need to… speak with Feyre.”

“Oh please,” Nesta said. “We should be able to-”

“Nesta, now.”

My sisters left the room and then we were alone. Mom didn’t seem to know where to start. She opened her mouth to speak several times and just kept closing it at the last second until finally I think she gave up and just started saying the first thing that came to her mind.

“Feyre, I know I don’t really have the right to step in right now and rearrange your life again.”

“No, you don’t,” I said, grateful she was admitting that much.

“But regardless of me and you, your father isn’t in a good place and he needs help. I think it’s time we gave that to him. It’s time I gave that to him.”

“Where will he go?”

“The doctor referred me to a few local rehabilitation centers he’s found good success with. Assuming I can get your father on board with it, I’d like to have him admitted for therapy. It’s his choice in the end, but I think after this… I think he’ll be amenable to it. He loves you too much to carry on like this knowing you found him almost… well.”

And there it was. We had finally gotten past the point of no return where dad was too drunk to stay alive and I was too incapable to do it myself. I felt like a failure.

I wondered if maybe mom had stayed if it would have been different, but my heart knew that wasn’t true. We were always going to get to this point sooner or later. I just didn’t like facing the fact that we were, that it was so inevitable and I was powerless to stop it.

But I guess some people have demons too big for others to chase down. Rhys had shown me that much. People can build you up and help you climb the mountain towards recovery, but it’s up to you whether or not you reach the top and go down the other side. Dad hadn’t done that yet.

And in some ways, I still hadn’t either.

“Why did you leave?” I blurted. Mom didn’t immediately answer, though her grip on me stilled entirely. Her skin felt so cold in the chill of the hospital. “Why did you leave? You never called, texted, wrote a letter, emailed. Nothing. Why?”

A tear fell unbidden on my cheek. Mom watched it as it fell.

“You said I made you sick. Is that why? Do Nesta and Elain-”

“No, no, honey.” Mom shook her head very firmly and leaned forward. “No.”

She was still clutching my hands in her lap.

“I was a coward, Feyre,” she said. “I left that night out of blind fury, anything to get away and take back my own life and I forgot you in the process even as I swore to keep you safe from him. I failed you. When I woke up the next morning, I thought you would be there. I had it in my head that since your sisters had followed with me, you would too. When you didn’t, I panicked. I remembered what I had told you in my anger and it terrified me how silent you were. In truth, I didn’t call you because I was too afraid to face the reality of how horribly I had failed as a mother and that you wouldn’t forgive me, and I was right about my assumptions for several months it seems. It is the single worst crime I have ever committed.”

The words cut like a knife buttered to slaughter and my tears were the blood hot and heavy on its blade.

“But I needed you.”

“I know, sweetie,” mom said, pushing my hair out of my face. She was crying now too and it broke her voice into a miserable existence. “And I am so, so sorry.”

But she was here. She was here now. It was something. I had thought about this moment so many times since summer and I thought I would want to kick and scream and fuss at her forever until she suffered, but those three words contained all the pain and misery of a lifetime of suffering she had endured with dad, suffering I probably didn’t even know the half of.

I am sorry.

Maybe there was something to her story that I didn’t know. Maybe she had run away from the things that scared her just as I did. Maybe we were two people in exactly the same position, just traveling in opposite directions.

I grabbed her, throwing myself into her lap and clinging on for dear life.

“Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go - don’t leave again,” I sobbed.

“I’m not going anywhere. You have me,” she said. “Always.”

“What about dad,” I asked, looking up at her while she stroked my hair. “What does that mean for us?”

She looked so grateful that I had said us and not me that she almost smiled.

“I don’t know yet, honey. But we’ll figure it out. Together. I promise and this time, I’m not going to break that promise.”

A feeling of a new beginning washed over me, for her, for dad, our family. He needed this and mom was right. It was time. Everyone deserved a chance to get better. I wanted that chance too.

“Mom?”

“What is it?”

“There’s something I want to ask you.”

“Name it.”

xx

#myfic #beneath the stars #beneath the stars: a feysand fic #bts #feysand #feyre #rhysand #feysand fanfiction #acomaf #acomaf fanfiction