#its just so exhausting and im tired in so many ways but tomorrow is busy and i dont want to be busy but i have to be busy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vickyskpopkingdom · 3 years

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Baekhyun :: working blues

request: Hii! Im rlly into baekhyun's new album rn and i was hoping u could write a fluff where ur just having a rough day and he sings u to sleep pls!! Rlly like ur fluff writes btw 💕💕

thank you so much for your kind words! i haven't written about exo in a long, long time but i hope that you still like what i came up with!

warnings: overworking, stress

1.8k words, gn reader

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Sometimes you felt like the world was collapsing on you. The weight on your shoulders got too heavy at times and you were just tired. So tired, so tired. Today was one of those days.

The work you had to do didn't seem to end. At this point you couldn't even count how many e-mails you had answered, how many texts you have read, how many calls you made and how many words you have written. Your eyes were so tired they started to water at the sight of the bright screen of your laptop in front of you. When had it become so dark around you? Hasn't it been noon just a few minutes ago?

A quick glance through your bedroom window and towards the clock on your wall told you something different. It was already eight p.m., the streetlamp outside your window was the only source of light right now other than your laptop. With a sigh you leaned back into your chair and tried stretching your arms as well as your neck and legs. Every joint in your body seemed to make a protesting cracking noise and as you tried to massage your neck, your muscles burned with protest.

You sighed again. Maybe you really should invest in one of those fancy office chairs that claimed to be a blessing for your whole body. At the thought of the price however you shook that thought out of your head.

Standing up you got through another round of stretching your whole body and decided to check out the kitchen for food. It only hit you as the dim light of the fridge illuminated your face that you were supposed to go grocery shopping today. Empty shelves greeted you back and your stomach grumbled angrily.

You tried hard not to scream out of frustation. Nothing wanted to work your way these days and you were honestly so tired of it. For some time you were able to tell yourself that everything would work out and that you would find your working blues again but that was yet to happen. Quietly you closed the fridge door again, sliding down against it to the floor.

The project you had been assigned at the start of last week was way more complicated than you had anticipated, the sources you were thinking of using turned out to be a scam. Adding to that the promotion you had been so sure of getting had been given to someone else and while you could understand that they deserved it, you were sure that you would have deserved it as well. Not only was your fridge emtpty but you had been neglecting your healthy eating habits for quite some time now, which only frustated you more.

And today all of these things seemed to add up all at once, crushing you under their weight.

When was the last time you really had a good nights sleep? You had worked late and gotten up early, eating only bits and pieces of instant food, sitting at your desk all day and falling into bed only to repeat the same cycle over and over again. Right now you were fighting to keep the tears at bay but the merry-go-round in your head kept spinning, piling up more and more worries.

When was the last time you had seen your friends? When was the last time you even properly talked to them? You were always telling them that you were busy with work when they asked to hang out. They never pressured you to still come with them but you knew that they would love to see you again even for a few hours. Yet you still could not get yourself to take their invitations, the thought of your unfinished project sitting in the back of your head constantly.

When was the last time your boyfriend--?

Just as the tears started flowing down your face the doorbell rang. Its sound surprised you so much that you jumped up, your heart beating fast. The clock in your kitchen read nine p.m. One hour went by while you were staring holes in the walls and drowned in your thoughts.

You couldn't really think of a reason why someone would visit you this late, on a weekday nonetheless. But not answering the door wasn't an option either, you would just start to worry about 'what-ifs'. So you decided to take a peak through the peephole in your door.

Your heart picked up its pace at you saw a familiar face illuminated by the light of a smartphone-screen, lookin worried and confused. Fumbling with your keys you opened the door and the person looked up from their phone.

"Hey Bambi, are you okay?"

Baekhyuns voice filled your ears as soon as he looked into your face. He eyed you up and down, making sure you were alright. "I texted and tried to call you for at least two hours now. There was no reaction from you whatsoever."

As you allowed him to step into your home, you sighed. "Sorry, I threw my phone across the room at one point and didn't pick it up again."

Your boyfriend chuckled as he got rid of his shoes and coat, placing both neatly onto their usual spots in the entrance of your flat. Just the sight of him, doing everyday things, smiling, talking was an instant boost for your mood. Now that he was here you fully realized just how much you had missed his presence.

"Why would you throw your phone?", Baekhyun questioned.

You made a dismissive move with your hand, not wanting to talk about the infuriating call you had to make a few hours ago. "I was frustrated", you only said.

Together you and Baekhyun made your way towards your bedroom. Just as you stepped into the room and turned on the lights you remembered the state you left your working place in. But it was too late to make him turn around now. Quickly you tried to tidy up the place a little bit, hiding the traces of your overworking as Baekhyun cleared his throat to gain your attention.

"Are you drowning yourself in work again?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. This wasn't the first time he had seen you piling up work on your shoulders and ending up being unable to do anything else. Back then you had promised him to take better care of yourself or at least take real breaks once in a while to catch a breath.

"Maybe...."

Now it was Baekhyuns turn to sigh. "Did you eat today? And before you answer i mean 'eat a proper meal'."

Picking up your phone from the floor you sat yourself down on the bed. "No, not really. It's just this project..."

Baekhyun shook his head at you, but you still noticed the small smile on his face. "You are such a hard-working person. But you need to allow yourself some time to breathe, you know?"

His voice was calm, sounding like music to your ears. Even after all this time you had been in a relationship with him you were still surprised by how easily he could make you relax.

"Yes, I know."

"And since I am such a caring and awesome boyfriend", he said, rustling with a plastic bag you only now noticed in his hands, "I brought you some food."

As you looked into his smiling face you couldn't help but ask yourself how you got so lucky.

The meal was good, it was your favorite and having Baekhyun by your side made you feel even more grounded. It almost felt like you gained new energy after a week of complete exhaustion and constant worrying. While you were eating the both of you talked about everything and nothing, catching up, telling stories and sharing your newest netflix suggestions.

The evening proceeded and your eyes landed on the clock again. It was late, if you were still caught up in your workaholic-lifestyle you would have already been asleep right now. However surprisingly you currently were not even close to worrying about getting up the next morning. What bothered you most right now was that this evening would end and eventually you would have to go to sleep an wake up in the morning, getting back to your work.

Baekhyun seemed to notice the frown on your face sooner than you could hide it again. "What's wrong?"

You shrugged. "This is nice, simply being together with you. But you probably have to leave soon and then tomorrow I have to work on this stupid project again."

"I can stay the night, if you want me to of course."

"I didn't want to pressure you into--"

"You didn't", he interrupted you, before you could end the sentence and feel like you made him stay against his will, "I actually wanted to ask if I could stay anyways. Tomorrow is one of my free days. I could even keep you company while you work."

Your chest felt warm at his words. "I would love that."

Soon you two found yourselves back in your bed, bodies entangled with each other, quiet breaths sounding through the room. You could feel your eyelids growing heavy, but as soon as you closed your eyes all you could think of was the next morning, the project, the unanswered emails, the calls.

"Still can't calm down, Bambi?", Baekhyun whispered in your ear, while slowly stroking your hair.

With closed eyes you shook your head. "I can't take my mind off of work."

The next thing you heard was quiet humming coming from Baekhyun. You could feel the vibration of his vocal chords against your own body. His voice really was a blessing for everyones ears, he could carry emotions through singing that you weren't even able to put into words. His songs made you happy, they made you cry occasionally, they made you feel calm or made you miss something you didn't even knew existed. It was a gift.

His humming transformed into words, calmly sang into the otherwise dark and quiet room.

It's a night filled with a single stream of light

You're my timely rain, Bambi

I don't want to waste even a second of this night just

being the two of us

As you listened to his singing, you could finally feel your muscles relaxing, your brain calming down and your whole body drifting towards sleep. There were no worrysome thoughts turning your mind upside down anymore, there was only Baekhyun and his voice filling your head with images of your favorite places, your favorite memories and him. The warmth of his body under the blankets made you feel safe, at home. This was were you belonged.

And while Baekhyun continued with the song you fell into a deep sleep, one that you deserved after all the work you had done. You already knew that you found your blues again. Everything would work out again, just like you had always thought yourself. And all you had needed was just a small push in the right direction from the right person.

I don't want to wake up from this dream, keep this tempo

I hope the sun doesn't rise while I keep my eyes closed

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I really hope you enjoyed this one! It was nice to write something again but I do feel like i am a little bit out of training i guess haha

and also if you feel like the reader in this scenario, please remember that there will be better days & that life is more than working day to day! take a break, make some tea, get some fresh air and get back to your work with a fresh mind; you can do it!!

#baekhyun #byun baekhyun #bbh #baekyhun imagine #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun fluff #x reader #baekhyun x reader #gn reader #exo #baekhyun bambi #exo scenario #exo imagine #exo x reader #baekhyun fic

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liv-laugh-die · 3 years

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||Admiring|| 💖Miya Osamu x Gn!reader

trope: strangers meeting in the park (ik its random bear with me😭)

warnings: its not proofread all the way through (im sorry im tired), so theres probably grammatical errors or typos but other than that none

genre: fluff pretty much just sappy stuff

pairing/s: osamu x gn!reader

wc: about 2.5k

a/n: oh my god idk where i came up with this but i think its cute so :p i hope you enjoy!!

You stared at your blank computer screen, hope of finishing your assignment before its due date at midnight slowly vanishing.

The clock on your desk read 11:27pm, the green lines wavering in your vision as your eyes slowly drooped, trying to drag you into the depths of slumber. You wanted to sleep, you really did, but you knew there was no way you could give up writing your essay, even now, knowing you weren’t going to submit it on time, because you would stress too much about it if you didn’t at least try to complete it before the due date.

Pushing yourself away from your desk, your chair squeaking against the floor ever so slightly in your dead silent dorm room, you tried to think of some excuse that your professor might believe. You doubted there was anything you could think of, but hey, your professor was better than what your roommates’ had mentioned theirs being, and you were grateful for that. Maybe you could tell him that you were exhausted from working extra hours at your job since you had had to cover your coworker’s shift and that’s why you couldn’t complete your essay on time? Or, maybe you could get away with a simple “I was lacking interest in the material, and couldn’t understand anything, and I didn’t ask for help because I knew that you are such a busy man trying to do so many things at once. Another hopeless near college drop-out wasn’t something I thought you needed on your hands.”

....Maybe not the latter.

You sighed, running a hand through your tangled hair, practically feeling it screaming at you to wash it. You barely had time in the mornings to take showers anymore, and when you took them at night, you never had the strength to wash your hair, always knowing that putting a hat on overtop or throwing on your hoodie would make it seem fine on the outside, and that was good enough for you. As long as you looked at least decent and somewhat presentable.

Your dorm room was fairly small, like every other one, but the lack of furniture made it seem larger than the rest. Nothing more than you and your roommate’s joint desk, the mini fridge in the corner, and the beds filled the space. You almost tripped over your backpack lying next to the bunk bed pushed up against the wall, falling to what would’ve been inches away from your roommate’s sleeping body.

In an attempt not to disturb them, you tiptoed through the room, stepping over the occasional heap of clothes or homework, until you reached the bathroom. You fumbled over the door knob before almost tumbling into the small space. Glancing in the mirror, you didn’t fail to notice your messy hair, the dark circles tracing beneath your eyes, or the way you looked like you were seconds away from passing out. The sound of running water rang in your ears as you turned on the sink faucet, cupping your hands together and bringing your face down to meet them, rubbing the cold water all over you in an attempt to keep you awake for just a few moments longer.

Your eyes returned back to the mirror as you sighed at your dripping wet face. There was no way possible you were going to finish your assignment on time. You knew it, your roommate knew it before they passed out, and you had noticed your professor’s wary glance this morning in class as a sign that he knew it too.

An idea sprang into your head, part of you dreading the optimism that seemed to seep through your brain slowly. You didn’t feel like being energetic right now.

---an hour later---

You weren’t exactly sure how, when, or why you decided it would be a good idea to take a shower (you did end up washing your hair, thank god), get your things together in your bag, and head to the off-campus coffee shop (since the one on-campus had already closed), but you found yourself with a warm cup of coffee in hand as you exited the shop, the cold midnight air enveloping you in an unwelcome embrace.

You shivered. The only thing your spontaneous brain had forgotten had to have been your jacket, the one thing your normal brain would’ve remembered if it weren’t already past midnight and if you weren’t majorly sleep-deprived.

You most certainly weren’t done with your essay yet, nor was there any possible way for you to finish it on time since it was now approximately thirteen minutes past the due time, but you let yourself breathe for now.

There weren’t many people out at this hour, and it made the usual busy city streets seemed like a ghost town. There were a few restaurants still open as you strolled along the sidewalk, their lights responsible for illuminating more than half the area in front of you. You passed by an onigiri shop your friend had recommended to you, but you just weren’t that hungry. Most nights, you’d kill for a midnight snack, but your single shot of espresso coffee was satisfying your needs for now.

You decided to head to the park after seeing a rabbit hop its way across the vacant street and into the bushes in that direction. The fresh air was nice and cool against your dry and croaky lungs, and your ears needed a different sound than that of you miserably attempting to touch type quickly, your fingers rapping against the keyboard with vigor.

A stream nearby flowed softly, the dripping of the water against the rocks complimenting the noise of the crickets chirping in sync just downstream. Your footsteps cut through the grass slowly, not bothering to follow the stone path. The park was a nice change of scenery. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been here by yourself in peace, it was always you and your rambunctious friends who ran through every now and then just to see the dogs running through the sprinklers, or the occasional poor cat whose owner dragged them out into the daylight for exercise. This was peaceful, though, and you appreciated that.

A few more rabbits crossed your path, giving you that wide-eyed, side glance before darting off into the darkness, outside the reach of the lampposts emitting light. The sound of the stream soon faded out as you continued to walk through the park, sipping your coffee every so often. The warmth from your cup was soon dying out, and you figured you’d have to start walking back to your university sooner or later. Maybe you could crash at your friend’s house who lived just off campus, though you had forgotten your phone back at your dorm and had no alarm, no laptop to complete your work, and no contact with anyone else who might worry where you’d be. You had really no choice but to trek back to your dorm in the darkness, cutting your peaceful visit to the park short.

You let yourself have a few more minutes of stress free relaxing as you sat down on a bench just before the ground let out into a downhill slope overlooking the rest of the city below. The trees around you swayed in the breeze, and for a moment, you thought it was the wind talking, and not an actual human being who had somehow made his way beside you without gathering your attention.

“Didn’t think anyone else would be up at this hour,” the stranger mumbled. You glanced up, almost startled that, indeed, someone else was actually awake and strolling through the park.

The boy couldn’t have been much older than you were, maybe the same age. He had his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, the wind tousled his dark hair ever so slightly, and the moonlight played along, illuminating his face just so you could actually see how gorgeous he was.

You cleared your throat, averting your eyes back to the ground as you shifted over, creating more space on the bench in case he wanted to sit down beside you. “I decided to actually take care of myself for once and give myself some time to breathe before facing the wrath of my professor tomorrow when he finds out I didn’t turn in my essay on time.” You let out a low, breathy chuckle, not exactly sure of what would happen next.

The guy sat down on the bench next to you, though he made sure to give you some personal space, which you were grateful for. He laughed along with you a bit, and you could tell just from his tone just how tired he really was.

You gave him a side glance, raising an eyebrow. “So, what the stressful thing that brought you here in the middle of the night?”

He smiled half-heartedly, eyes trained on the moon. “Work stuff. Jus’ been busy, I guess.” He shrugged.

You waited for him to continue on, but he stayed silent. You didn’t complain, though. Wasn’t your whole reason for coming out here in the dead of the night for some quiet? Plus, it wasn’t awkward either. You were comfortable sitting next to this stranger.

“What do you do for work?” You waited a little longer than necessary to ask, but he didn’t seem to mind the long pause.

“I own a restaurant a few blocks away. I love the job, it’s just tiring havin’ to deal with rude customers like my brother who won’t get the hint and get out sometimes. I got into an argument with him earlier today and he just wouldn’t shut it.” He rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets, making eye contact with you as he went on about his day, and you couldn’t help but smile at his passion. “The guy thinks he can just walk in when I’m working with a new employee and just act like he runs the place! Quite stupid if you ask me. Such a jerk, he is. Thinkin’ about just banning him from the place, really.”

You snorted. “He really bugs you that much, huh?”

The guy smirked at your laugh, admiring it, though you would never had guess that was what flashed across his face in a million years. He nodded. “Yeah, ‘course I love ‘im ‘cause he’s my twin and my best friend, but he really knows how to annoy the hell outta me.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just get a sign in the window that says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” and cross it out and write my brother’s name instead,” he reasoned, and the pondering look in his eyes made you wonder if he was actually considering the idea.

You smiled. “You’re funny.”

“You say that like ya weren’t expectin’ it.”

A laugh made its way out your lips. “Well, when you’re approached by a stranger in the middle of the night you sort of expect the worst.”

The guy glanced off in the distance, away from you, furrowing his eyebrows. “Sorry, didn’t think of that comin’ off that way.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m funny then, and not some creep, eh?”

You nodded, the smile on your face not fading as he changed topics.

“So, what’s your essay on? Any way I can help ya finish it?”

You shook your head dismissively. “Oh, no. It was due thirty minutes ago.” You quickly explained the topic you were writing about in class before getting side tracked. “My professor had said he would allow it to be turned in the next morning, but I doubt he actually meant it.”

He smiled a wide grin, making butterflies flutter in your stomach. “You go to the university nearby, right?”

You nodded in confirmation, raising an eyebrow. “If I’ve got any luck, there’s a chance you go there too?”

He laughed a little, shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t, sorry. I’ve visited campus a few times because some of my friends go there, but I just usually focus on work.”

His gaze was tilted upwards towards the sky, and you couldn’t help but admire how the exhaustion still shone in his eyes, but somehow that same passion gleamed there too just mentioning what he did for a living. You wished you were that passionate about something that would actually support you financially in the future and make you happy.

When he glanced back at you, you were still taking his essence in, and he made a look of confusion. “What?”

You shook your head, chuckling. “Nothing. I just admire that you can dedicate yourself to something and make it seem so easy.” He looked at you, interested to hear what you had to say, even though you were sure you couldn’t be the first person to tell him this. “I haven’t even known you for more than ten minutes and I can already tell you’re passionate about what you do and if you’re stressed about it, it must mean you’re dedicated to seeing your work through, and that’s more than enough to admire and appreciate, especially when that can be so difficult sometimes.” You finished your short tangent, looking back up at him to see him staring intently at you, seemingly in awe of what you’d just said. You felt a blush creep onto your face as you quickly blurted out, “Sorry- I didn’t mean to be so straightforward and weird like that- I sound like some crazy secret admirer or something...”

The crickets chirped in the silence between the two of you, and it felt like it would never end.

“Y’know, I wouldn’t mind havin’ a secret admirer. I mean, wouldn’t be so secret, but...” You saw the smile creep up onto his face. “It’s nice being appreciated. Nobody really tells me that kind o’ stuff, so... thanks, I guess.”

The heat on your cheeks didn’t go away by any means, but you grew more comfortable with it as you mumbled, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind admiring you.”

Now, it was the boy’s turn to blush, and you smiled at how his cheeks grew redder with every passing second, and how his subtle grin spoke a thousand words he didn’t need to say.

“Miya Osamu.” The boy’s hand came into your view as he extended it for you to shake. “I own Onigiri Miya across from the grocery outlet.”

You smirked, grasping his hand in yours as you said, “L/N Y/N. I own an official license for being a horrible driver and an ID that proves I’m a sleep-deprived college student and that’s about it.”

He laughed, shaking your hand and standing up, letting go too soon for your liking.

Because for some weird reason, his hand felt right in yours.

Osamu said a quick goodbye, mentioning something about how he should get going and how you should get some sleep before he disappeared down the stone path back into the darkness.

You stood up not too long after he’d left, your coffee now entirely cold as you plopped the half full cup into the trash can on your walk back to your dorm, not needing the pathetic warmth anymore. Your heart was beating fast and the feeling of Osamu’s hand resting in yours lingered on your palm, and that kept you warm enough.

Maybe you’d be visiting that onigiri place your friend recommended to you a little sooner than you’d originally planned, and maybe more often than you would’ve expected.

#osamu miya x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #hq #miya osamu #osamu #osamu x reader #oml i actually like this #ahhhh its cute #since when have i been motivated #i hope this doesnt flop *sob*

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pbandjesse · 3 years

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Well I feel like Im going to cry. I just wrote my entire post and accidentally deleted it as I was copying it to post. I spent like a half hour on that and Im super upset because I am exhausted. So This is going to be abridged I think.

My allergies have been really bad all afternoon, since Mr Will came over to work on the bathroom leak and started taking the ceiling down and there has been dust in the air. So I am just uncomfortable.

But it wasn't a bad day. Just busy. I slept okay last night and got up to go to work. I tried to have a smile on my face but it was hard. I felt very hollow today. It was hard to feel excited. I had Mcdonalds for breakfast and tried to be happy. I faked it a lot. In front of guests and friends. But I wasn't haven't a great time inside.

James called the venue and we have locked in the date. I thought that would make me feel better. But it didn't. I want to be excited so bad but I still feel like something is going to go wrong. Its going to be taken away from me. I think that's why I have trouble feeling excited about big things, but little things I can. I don't know honestly but I was very frustrated with myself.

I had a nice time with the kids even if they were very loud and I had to speak over them so loudly my throat was very horse by the end. But they were good kids. Just a little under socialized I think. They haven't been on a field trip since 1st grade, and now they are in 4th grade. But they were still very sweet.

I did three stores today because we are so low on the staff. Beth, who is Mike and Jessica's boss, was there to do the can making but she had never done it before so it was fun teaching her the way I do it. And then when we had some time I told her about some of the proposals for things we could do for the museum. Like the maker nights I want to do. So encouraged me to email Auni so I will work on that proposal asap.

After the kids were all done I cleaned the printing presses, they are all struggling but I tried to at least make them nice. I got the contract email from the venue and I ended dup sitting on the floor reading that. That actually made me feel a little better and gave me some stuff to focus on. Like how set up will go and what help we will need. And then the candles need some safety so I am going to look into a way around that. Batties or leds or something.

I was very tired though. I headed home and had a little lunch before I tried to lay down. Tried is important because Mr Will came over not long after that and started breaking tiles and so I could not sleep. But it was fine. I liked just laying there and felt a little better.

I woke up before 4 and me and James had pizza bagels. And then I got ready to go to work.

I did not and do not know what the organization or business that was there tonight was, but they were all really nice. There were so many different types of accents and I had some really nice conversations. The first hour was a little boring. I had some pretzels and talked to Kelly. She told me that they are going to be setting up interviews for her old job at the front desk this week and that is exciting because James applied to that. So fingers crossed.

I would watch tiktoks and try to just enjoy my time. I sat in the old car for a bit. Wandered around. And once people finally came I got to turn on machines for people and had some great little talks. It was fun. My throat hurt but I was having fun.

I left at 8 when my schedule said I could. I couldn't find Kelly so I left her a note and went home.

James had ordered us some food. So we ate and then played video games. But now we are in bed. I am exhausted. I am not thrilled I had to write this day twice but really its because I am so sleepy. Have a good night everyone. Take care of yourselves and have a good day tomorrow. Goodnight!

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moonlightjeno · 4 years

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I demand a 4,4,4 with Jeno queen 😤

but you are the queen :) two things a. sorry youwaited so long and b. asdfg this wasn’t supposed to be this long lmao but ENJOY

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬: [4. mafia!au] + [4. meet messy] + [4. “You said so, didn’t you?”]

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: crack, angst and a sprinkle of le fluff.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: blood, guns, drugs, cursing !! and this is a fem reader bc made my life easier im sorry !!

𝐰𝐜: 4k 🙃

You’d hated following orders since the day you’d been pushed off for the attacking team just because you were a girl. The day had started with a tang of metal in the air, like how animals can tell when there’s a storm to come from the change in winds from one side to the other, you could tell that blood was going to be shed on your thirteenth birthday. Guns had left blazing the undercover hideout where the attacking team resided, you had been told you’d be able to go and scout the area, after all, you’d be the best scout the mafia had ever seen even at the mere age of thirteen. You had thanked all the late nights spent pent up in a mansion you had no interest in residing and instead of climbing out of the windows and searching the forest for something to distract you from the emptiness of the house. The forest thought very much dark and looming with shadows that should have scared you, a small child, was the least of your concerns when growing up in one of the most aggressive and the bloodiest mafia in the country. Instead, the forest with it’s chirping sounds and looming figures that would occasionally be illuminated under the white moonlight of the celestial being that you had always thought to be more impressive and beautiful than the sun itself. After all, it was the moon that could be seen at all times during the day, though faint it still held a presence on the earth’s surfaces, and then at night it would illuminate the world and control its tides.

The first set of yelling startles you out of the memories, the shouts are distant and fuzzy far far away from you. You pick up your gun, the weapon a dead weight at your side, the earpiece is placed in your ear receiving feedback from the multiple calls that are being sent out from the base and into the field. Boots crunch against the gravel floor and you feel a hand almost larger than your shoulder tap you in the back, a look of defiance fills your father’s face as he tells you to get back into the base, “the field is no place for you”, the words aren’t said but you know that he doesn’t mean you, because you are the heir to the mafia or because he actually cares about his only daughter and child. No, he says you, as if a girl weren’t able to do any fieldwork because that isn’t what they were born to do, instead they had to stay inside the safe walls of any base they could scout out to protect under the men’s gaze. A protest rose from your mouth, willing to defy your father’s direct order, the cold fire that illuminated his eyes something you’d seen too often every time you’d sneaked out of your room to find him torturing victims, most of them innocent that ended up coughing in the crossfire. It was a look that should have scared you, and it had for a long long time the way his smile would turn into a humorless and mocking grin, the laugh that escaped his lips seemed to be poisonous as everyone around moved farther away, and you stood the same fire rising in you.

“But I want to help father” the determination you had was visible by the way you held yourself, hand resting on the weapon at your side, feet shifted slightly apart - a “power pose” they called it in one of the many comic books you’d read about wonder women. You could feel the impatience beginning to roll off your father in waves, first, it was the clenching and unclenching of his fists then it was the slight twitch in his eye that made you want to glare at him, that is until he kneeled just slightly grabbing onto your small wrist enough to leave a bruise. You knew the black and purple would be there tomorrow, branding you as weaker than the man who bore you, from the numerous times it had happened before, and you wouldn’t care didn’t care as long as you could prove how good of a scout you were. Truly, the fear had seemed to leave your mind, replaced by anger and determination being the only thing you saw, “i can tell you right now that there are five guards waiting at the parking lot, two of which are probably newbies, those of which are probably paired up with older members of the group, and the one that remains will probably be the most alert as they left him alone a backup” you voice is clear, as you recite what you already know, what you’ve seen with your eyes only an hour before this whole debacle occurred, and your father looked at you again the grip on your wrist tightening, the cold rings in his hand cooling the touch, crushing your skin, before letting out a scoff. The scoff causes his head to move to the side slightly, balding head tilting and you catch a glimpse of your mother, who’s face is usually warm even under the constant threats your family lives under, is stricken with fear.

Her fear is directed to you, and herself because you know, a deep part of you knows that the shadows that fill her arms and legs in the early morning when she thinks no one can see her, the pots of foundation that you find in the broken cabinets of the abandoned rooms belong to your mother, and the beating she receives both mental and physical every time a case goes bad. Every time her daughter defies the orders the “grand” master has declared so you back down, eyes lowered, and whimper slightly at the pain that is cruising through your wrist. Your father lets go, content with the submission before ordering more guards around, including your best friend, lee jeno.

That night you don’t sleep, you toss and turn and you miss the ability to climb out of your window and visit jeno. You know by the way the thud of the door and clang at four in the morning that blood has been shed. You know that jeno hasn’t come back, you know half an hour before everyone else because you’ve seen them take him away. The scream threatens to rip from your throat, tears falling falling, turning silver by the moonlight. It’s 3:30 when you watch them take your best friend away, it’s 3:35 when you can control your breaths. The clock ticks 5 in the morning, when you decide that you aren’t listening to any word your father tells you again because you knew where the boy was set up, you knew how jeno could have been saved if only they’d let you go. If only.

It’s been seven years since the promise you made yourself to never break is bent. A year has passed since your father passed away, an illness that you recently found out had been in the years making but something he had never bothered to take care of because he thought he was above it. You would have thought your father’s passing would have been the turning point in your life, no longer did you have to fear the violence that would be placed against your mother or yourself. It should have felt like a weight on your shoulder the day his casket was incinerated in the grass fields in front of the manor’s garden. Instead the mafia seemed to break down, it’s collectiveness and faith in each other broke until the only group that remained in what used to be the country's strongest mafia lay in front of you. Their bodies sprawled on the floor like rag dolls, a light stench of metal and blood filled the room, and your hands burn from holding onto the guns for too long the rubber outlets hitting every single time at their proclaimed target.

“Miss y/n, your mother awaits for you at the entrance hall” the scuffle of feet and light scratch of the door opening catches your attention as a boy only a couple of years younger than you comes through the door and requests a mumble from his lips.

“How many times do i have to tell you jisung” though you smile, you’re tired from the never-ending training sessions you put yourself through, and as much as you put up a cold front, the laughter and mocking from some of the members is exhausting too. The way they snicker and mumble under their breaths “she’s crazy”, and “no wonder jeno left” cause you to just push yourself that much, place that many more bruises and dark black lines across your arms. The tattoos seem at times the only source of power and freedom you are allowed, and you trace the back of your arm, a sense of comfort washes over you, and you speak up again “don’t call me miss. y/n is perfectly fine kid” you ruffle his hair even if he is taller than you, and walk out of the training room, the agents that were on the ground began to shift behind you, grunts and complaints leaving their lips but you’ve already walked out of the room. Out of sigh, out of mind.

The click and clack of heels on the wooden floor surprise you, and you find your mother dressed in a white suit, black heels still clicking against the marvel floor of the entrance as she paces up and down the stairs, her hair is tied up in a bun, pulling back her face. The sound her heels make are drastically different from the silent almost soundless thumping of your boots against the floor. You weren’t used to seeing your mother in anything but training gear, the black gear and leggings replaced by freshly pressed white suit surprised you to say the least, but you knew something was wrong. More wrong than the daily notifications you would receive from jisung that more members were being recruited or killed off in the streets, for every member that died a new line would be added to the black swirls that decorate your right arm, for every member that left more hours would be spent trying to figure out how to save the corrupt business that was running a mafia. It was sad to say that as much as you hate the way things worked, and the blood and death that it brought to your doorstep you couldn’t deny that you loved scouting, you loved being able to be high up in the trees or buildings where it was just you and the wind noting, counting, looking at the world around you to help.

“What’s up?” was your way of greeting, steps stopping in front of her, whose mouth twitched slightly into a small smile.

“You know how much i love you,” she started, eyes casted towards the landscape in front of you, if you thought hard enough one could still smell the burning of flesh, from your father’s body, and then the smell of booze and weed that stank the air only hours after his burial. No one was sad that night.

“What do you need me to do?” you dreaded the response that was to come out of her lips, but her eyes focused on you and you could see how tired she was. Mother who was always bright and full of energy, her hair was close to being purely white, ebony almost, and the dark circles under her eyes made you want to demand she get some rest but you knew even as hard as she tried there was no way to escape the horrors of the mind.

“I need you to infiltrate a base camp” at seeing your nod, she continued, infiltration was nothing you haven't done before, “now before you refute anything I say, this might be the only way to get us out of this shitshow so please bear with me darling” another nod, and you could almost see the breathe leave her body, shoulders becoming slightly more curved, as the anxiety begins to diffuse.

“What camp? I mean we have almost all of them figured out, even without low numbers i’ve scoured most of them and jisung said he had checked on the one’s downtown”

“That’s the thing darling, it isn’t exactly a home base. It’s a training center of sorts, but the Lee’s are running it. One of the heir’s is supposed to be taking part in the camp, so I need you to infiltrate without anyone noticing what group you belong to, it shouldn’t be that hard no one’s seen you since the attack seven years ago, and you’ve grown. See how they're getting our recruiters and try to get them back” her hand at one point has come to hold onto yours, her big rings that she had taught herself how to make adorning almost every finger, it was a comfort the squeeze of her hand on your calloused and scarred one.

“When do i head out?” The question leaves your lips slightly harsher than you’d wanted to, because in no world would you have ever wanted to go hang out with anyone from the lee family, but you knew as it had been drilled into your brain, for as long as you could remember that family is above all others. And you normally would have disagreed, because blood families shouldn’t define who one is willing to risk their life for but your mom looks at you again before letting go of your hand.

“Tonight” she is no longer looking at you, and you aren;t surprised because you can almost feel a sort of resentment towards the time, that only gave you a couple of hours to get ready and say goodbye to the only remaining friend you had here, well at least you told yourself jisung was a friend, after all he helped you bandage up your cuts and would keep you company into the late nights his soft smile always there, a shoulder to rely on. You manage to murmur a “fine”, and right as you're about to head back into the manor, mind running on what to pack and prepare you hear the light voice of your mother, “and y/n. For the love of god, do not fall in love”. The remark made you stop for a slight second because who would you fall for, the patriarchal society and male’s ego’s where too high to get close enough to care, and you truly didn’t care for romance.

Bright spots in the sky, constellations that spread across the sky like a blanket keep you from falling asleep in the black car. Everytime you look at a constellation you name it, leo - the lion -, followed by the big dipper and small dipper always next to each other, always close. Time passes by, and your eyelids become too heavy to not keep open, until the spots in the sky are no longer there and instead darkness washes over you.

It’s the smell of black coffee that wakes you up, where you find yourself half naked and disarmed under scratchy sheets and a bed that creaks every time you move. It takes you a second to gaze up the room around you, finding every exit possible and anything that might serve as a weapon, there’s only one exit and the most dangerous thing in the room seems to be the mug in front of you, steam rising from it the lettering of “LEE’S WEATHER CHANNEL” imprinted on it. The scowl on your face causes the boy in front of you to chuckle, a boy who is also half naked, it takes everything in you to not take in the firm muscles in the boy’s chest until you look up into his face, blonde almost white hair hanging slightly.

“Well good morning to you sleeping beauty” his voice is gentler than what you expected, and he stands up from the brown chair, hand wrapping around the coffee mug as he hands it to you which you refuse, arm coming out of the sheets revealing your tattooed arm to refuse the cup of caffeine that instead of giving you energy would only leave a bitter and awful taste in your mouth.

“Yeah, no thanks that tastes like shit” you murmur, and the boy in front of you laughs, causing the muscles in his arms and chest to flex slightly, and his eyes to become small almost like small moons. Fuck why does he have to be cute, you scold yourself before pushing yourself of the bed. It isn’t like you weren’t used to being around those of the male species in a sports bra and shorts, just like a normal training day just like a normal training day. But you do spot a pair of leggings and muscle tee by the corner of your bed that you change into, the boy with almost white hair still inside the small cot with you, though when you are done pulling the shirt over your head the boy is also wearing the same shirt with the words “training co.” printed behind him.

“Jaemin” the noise startles you slightly, until you realize the voice belongs to the boy who is holding his hand out, as if in greeting to which you just nod too and walk out the small door, your name leaving your lips right as the door closes. Jeno can’t stop the smile that spreads on his lips, as he walks out of the cot that he’s too familiar with. The best friend he thought he’d lost back in his life even if you hadn't recognized him, his smile falters slightly at having to lie to you about who he was but is forget quickie as he leaves the room. In the short span of five seconds he’s caught up with you, an hand placed on the lower of your back which causes you to squirm, before turning around and twisting his hands around.

“What the fuck” the words slips from jeno’s mouth, his arm in your hand and you loosen your grip on it, the twist to disarm an opponent, a subconscious action from distrust and too many times being led on by men who think they’re in control. “What were you doing?” you snap back, and though you’ve released his hand you keep your distance, to which he responds by putting his hands up in a sort of defeat, “umm you asked me too? Well didn;t deliberately ask me to, but before you passed out on my bed yesterday after, i really don’t know what you were doing, you told me to tour you around the camp, hence what am doing” his voice is teasing, and the words shock you but don’t surprise you, you might have been a little tipsy before you left the van, a last fuck you to the world before being imprisoned in this hellhole.

“Hmmm, fine”

“Fine? No thank you? Or oh, yeah am sorry?”

“Do you want to get hit” your answer isn’t much of a question but more of a demand and jeno shrugs, “no ma’am” and you can’t help but stop the smile that slips from your lips by his response.

Jeno does as he says and walks you around camp, and it isn’t until the two of you are paired together to spar names written down on chalkboards that you almost have a heart attack. Because the boy who’s made you laugh during the blazing hot sun, and given you small piggy back rides as a punishment for losing in a game of rock paper scissors which you can’t recall what for, and it isn’t until you see the small moon tattoo on the base of his wrist, that the realization rushes through your body. Because in front of you isn’t na jaemin the boy who you were supposed to look out for. Instead the blonde haired boy, with eyes like the moon and voice that you thought you would recognize anywhere is in front of you, your childhood best friend, who no longer has brown hair but white locks. Jeno stands before you, eyes smiling words as charming as ever, and you know you’ve been taught better. You know that this is exactly why you trained so hard, why you wasted so many nights scouting the woods and having the bruises bloom so when you did face him you would feel nothing. But no one can stop human emotions from getting in the way of a mission, an infiltration in which you have lee jeno wrapped around your finger, but anger not sadness, anger pushes you forward as you slap lee jeno. The crack echoing around camp, and jeno doesn’t back down.

“The fuck?”

“The fuck jeno?” the fuck?” your voice almost breaks, but you manage to spit the words out because in front of you stands the boy who broke your heart and in the span of a day managed to begin to repair it again. The second his name escapes your lips, Jeno's face comes into realization, and he holds onto your arms, he’d always be stronger than you even as you struggle against his grip, tears threatening to spill. You are aware of the eyes that are on you, aware that this could jeopardize everything you’ve worked for, the gun in your waist holster feels more like a dragged weight than ever. But a look from jeno and the eyes have scattered leaving the two of you alone in the dipping sun, the red rays igniting flames in the lake behind jeno, “why?”

“Why? Why did i leave? Why did i not come find you? Why did i leave my heart with the girl who held it? Why what?”

“Why did you lie?” you seethe, the confession not being processed through your clouded thoughts, too much too much.

“Because darlin, you said so, didn’t you?” the words are smooth and slightly broken, they make you want to scream and hit him again and again, pushing away the pain. Because the memory was hidden, hidden so deep in the pain and anger that you’d forgotten that you had begged jeno to leave the corrupted world you lived in, begged him and asked him to leave you with your father because jeno would be next to be killed.

“I… I…” you can’t seem to form the words but it doesn’t matter because jeno seems to now, like he always does. His hair falls and grazes your forehead when he hugs you closer, and for some reason that you can’t point out it keeps your fallen pieces, the broken ones and those that were glued together by black lines. And you let him comfort you, you let him hold you in the middle of a grassfield, as the sun dips down the red that flares in the forest turns ruby almost like blood, like the way the blood feels warm on your hands, the salt and metal tang of blood fills your mouth, as a sob escapes your lips and then jeno’s. And you hold him, his head cradled between your hands as you repeat over and over how much you love him and how sorry you are.

The gunshot rings in the air, metal mixing with blood, warmth seeping into your clothes and mixing with the sweat from your hands that continue to cradle the boy you love in your hands. The life slowly dies out, fluttering slightly, dark brown shutting close. Because as much as you love jeno, more than life itself, you’ve been taught family over everything, even if that means feeling yourself crumble underneath him. Quite sobs wrecking through your body, as you whisper the same words over and over.

The sun is no longer there, the ruby red of blood no longer coloring the forest red and your bodies in orange and yellow sunlight. For when the field council comes out, they find two lovers lying down next to each other, a silver bullet between them both, ruby red lips pressed against each other in a final goodbye.

masterlist requested from this prompt list

mymy my queen I'm sorry. pls don’t hurt me.

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

Text

Writing Prompts! Continuation for “Here Kitty Kitty” with Aizawa and Cat Quirk Pro Hero reader.

I love this little Prompt so much i- hfcrgb.

This is the third part for it! If you would like to read the Original Prompt and Part 2 its under the CattyAizawa tag!!!

A/N. This is super soft♥️ i hope its okay that its not a NSFW thing. (Pt3!)

Aizawa moved you into his home the day after youre heat started. He had to go back to teaching at UA soon and did not want to wait, he also did not want you walking around by youreself after a patrol while youre heat was around. You were upset that he had to go back to UA but there was nothing you could really do. He was a Pro Hero and a Teacher. When you were all moved in Aizawa brought you to his bed to hold and cuddle you . He nibbled at youre ear and you looked up at him purring loud untill he looked at you.

“Yes kitten?”

“When do you go back?”

“Tomorrow.” He answered , his voice low and exhausted. Poor guy did not want to go back.

You purred into his chest sending vibrations down to his legs . He chuckled pulling you close to him cupping youre face and kissing you gently .

“Youre making it harder for me to go back ya know. You think Nezo will believe me if i tell him my cat needs me?”

“Didint you use that line the three years i was there?” You teased nuzzling at his scruffy cheeks getting a chuckle out of him.

“Yes i did Kitten, do you know how many times id have to leave a meeting because you got into a fight with someone?”

“Maybe.. two..”

He nibbled youre ear making a “un uh “ sound and you squeaked trying to get away from him. Aizawa held you tight laughing for a minute.

“Almost every meeting i had for three years. Someone would run in and say ‘Aizawa, they are at it again’ and i would have to say to Nezo . ‘Sorry, my cat needs me.’”

You purred and couldint help but have a huge smile on youre face . Those three years of cat and mouse were youre favorite. Everytime he would drag you away from whoever you were fighting with his capture tape and just give you this tired ‘really? Again?’ Look .

“He might. Will you say it anyway and tell me?”

Aizawa laid you down getting ontop of you , he leaned down rubbing his scruff on you making you laugh and struggle under him for awhile. Aizawa cupped youre face kissing you lovingly and deeply. You purred making his face and shoulder vibrate . Aizawa pulled away to smile down at you and stroke youre cheek.

“Im pretty sure he would suspend me, kitten. I wont be here when you wake up too..”

He frowned at youre down ears . He really did not want to leave you. Running into you like this was the light in his dark world. Even when he knew you would be here when he got home , he still did not want to go. And youre heat worried him, it would last for at least a week and if he could tell it was happening .. then others could too. You purred up at him pawing at his face making him blink and lose his train of thought.

“Youll be okay kitten?”

“Yes sensei.. ill be here . I have no plans to go out when i dont need to patroll.”

He laid his head down on youre chest listening to you purr. As cheesy as it was .. it was his favorite song . The gentle vibrations mixing with youre heartbeat sent him into a very content and happy state. Sometimes he would even pull you to him placing his ear on youre chest just to listen for a minute while you ran youre fingers through his hair.

“Kitten..tomorrow im going to look up some things about youre heat. See if theres anything i can do to help while im not here.”

“Okay Sensei. I might.. have a nest when you get home. Its just a pile of youre clothes that have youre scent.”

“Is my scent that strong? I thought that was just Alphas and Omegas.”

“Well.. as long as you have a animal quirk .. you can smell it. And youres makes me crazy heh.”

Aizawa rubbed his scruff on you again with a tired smile on his face. “Oh kitten.. you make me so happy. That makes me so happy”

“You make me happy too Sensei.”

You kissed his lips and Aizawa laid his head back down listening to you purr all night. One of his favorite things about you was you stayed up all night sometimes with him . You purred for hours and sometimes would get tripped up because it tickled and you would have to stop and laugh. Aizawa would laugh and have to get up and get you some water. Sometimes he would spoon you so he could nibble youre ear and stroke youre tail too. Whichever he chose , you loved it.

In the morning Aizawa was already up watching the coffee pot. He was leaning on the counter with his arms crossed thinking.

The nest was okay, he didint mind that .

His scent could help you .

He sighed pouring his coffee into his cat cup taking a slow much needed sip. Was there anyone at UA he could ask ? He peaked in on you before leaving to see you curled up asleep purring quietly. He smiled watching for a minute. “Have a good day kitten.” Quietly he left the house and groaned up at the sky. He took another sip of his coffee and made his way to UA.

At UA Aizawa was in the teachers lounge browsing the internet for anything that could help you. The scent thing seemed to be a top result along with breeding . He laid his cheek on his palm resting his elbow on his desk groaning. He was so busy searching he did not see Midnight walk in . She went over to him to say hi but got no response. She blinked leaning down to look at him and then the computor screen. She got a huge grin on her face and she elbowed him breaking his focus.

“So whos the lucky lady?”

Aizawa looked less than thrilled , no one exactly knew you were with Aizawa. He groaned into his palm and Midnight elbowed him again.

“You cant tell anyone , no one knows”

“Sure thing , you can trust me.”

“Do you.. remember Y/N? Graduated last year?”

“Oh yeah! Where did you find her?”

“She was interning with the Wild Wild PussyCats. They made her wear their uni-“

He blinked realizing he told her to much but it was too late. Midnight was covering her mouth trying not to laugh.

“Uhgnn.”

“Aizawa!!!” She slapped his shoulder making him lean forward and grunt.

“Keep youre voice down.. shes in heat i dont know how to help if im not there.”

She leaned down close to his ear. “Cmon tell me , did you do it there?”

“Yes.”

“Oouu!!! With all the students there Aizawa you naughty teacher!”

“Can you help me or not?”

Midnight giggled turning the keyboard to her typing something up . She pointed to the screen and Aizawa felt himself get aroused .

“It wont help her physically but it helps reassure her that shes youre wittle kitty cat!!!”

Aizawa closed the window and got up ignoring her , a small smile on his face.

You woke up maybe an houre after Aizawa left. You were craving his scent today and just him holding you. You had to force youreself to get up and get in the shower. When you got out you mewed all day for him . Laying in his bed wasint enough though..

You got up going to the closet pulling his yellow sleeping bag out and pulling down some of his shirts and pants. The pile of clothes fell on the sleeping bag and you crawled under it getting inside the sleeping bag mewing loud all day.

Aizawa came home to a quiet house, he went down to his room to see... a pile of his clothes ontop of his sleeping bag. He heard you purring and saw little movement in his sleeping bag. Aizawa snapped a picture on his phone and went over couching down liftinh one of his shirts to see youre sad face.

“Hi kitten. I brought you something.” He held up a little bag and you sat up falling out of his sleeping bag clinging to him.

Aizawa smiled squeezing you as tight as he could. He let out a very long sigh of relief . He was so happy to have you in his arms again. You peaked up at him mewing and he rubbed youre ear and kissed youre fore head.

“I missed you too Kitten. Here open this “

You sat down between his legs peaking in the bag . Youre ears shot up straight and you took the item out . It was a pretty light red collar with a heart in the front.

“I rubbed it on my shirt so hopfully it smells like me.”

You held it out to him and he put it on you and kissed you deeply. He wrapped his arms around you getting in the sleeping bag and turning you to face him.

“Like it?”

“..i love it.. thank you..”

He chuckled kissing youre cheek. “Youre welcome kitten”

#CattyAizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #my hero academia fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero fanfic #my hero academia class a #midnight

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deluxedolans · 4 years

Note

Ok here is a concept Grayson seeing you cry for the first time since you got together because you were stressed because of your job or university 😊

hi alia!!! thank you so much for sending something in :’)

i hope you don’t mind but i lowkey turned this into a self-indulgent blurb.

grayson is not only a “fixer” but also so, so sensitive. he doesn’t want you to ever be upset, and if you are, he wants to make sure that he’s the one to make sure you’re good again. as we already know, homeboy has a heart of gold and as soon as he sees you stressed he immediately wants to take your pain away; however, sometimes his interventions can be a little too smothering—unintentionally, of course.

you rub your hands over your temples and shut your eyes tight. you can feel a migraine coming on, but can’t afford to be out at school. sub plans were way too much fucking work, the kids never listened to the directions anyway, you always came back with the room a mess, people would email you relentlessly with inquiries and questions, regardless if you were there or not, and the kids would miss you, and—it just wasn’t worth it. you popped an excedrin and shut your eyes, willing the pain to go away.

only it didn’t go away. you spent half an hour laying on the couch, half asleep with an ice pack over your eyes, the pounding sensation in your temples starting to make its way to the front of your head. you could feel tears pricking the back of your eyes from not only the pain, but also the stress. then, the front door opens, footsteps approaching the living room.

“babe? babe, s’wrong, you good?” grayson places his phone down on the counter, striding over, taking a seat on the edge of the couch.

“m’head hurts,” you mumble, reaching up to take the ice pack off your face and make eye contact with grayson.

grayson wears a frown, his brows crinkling with worry. “you drink enough water today? you take a nap? you even eat lunch? i know you don’t usually have time to, but that’s—.”

“no, grayson, when do i ever have time to eat lunch?” you snapped, feeling your heart plummet at his expression, especially as his frown only intensified.

“baby, you need to eat, alright? i know you’re super busy throughout the day, but you can at least sn—.”

that’s when you snapped once again at grayson’s words, “gray, don’t lecture me, please, i don’t even have time to pee throughout the day, when would i eat?”

“during lunch?” grayson asks simply, his eyebrows raised.

that’s when the tears really start to fall, because he was right. he was so right. it was so simple to him, but he just didn’t get it, no matter how many times you explained it to him. no matter how many times you told him that lunch was for additional interventions for kids, or for keeping kids in from recess, or for emails, or for meetings, or for making copies, or for literally anything else other than eating. lunch wasn’t time to eat.

you didn’t mean you had to be such a snippy bitch to him but you were just so damn exhausted and so, so sick of everyone just trying to simplify what you did every day to just “fix” what was wrong—.

“no, no, no, angel! what’s wrong? im sorry.” grayson immediately apologizes. “i didn’t mean to be a dick, i was just—.”

you’re eyebrows are quirking immediately. “a dick?! you didn’t do anything, baby. do not apologize. i’m just so exhausted, and i feel so shitty—.”

grayson is nodding frantically as he scoots over to you, pulling you into his lap pulling you into his chest. “i know, y/n, i know.”

“and i just, feel like,” you take a deep breath in, “i can’t catch a break. i’m just so tired and don’t have time to just sit down during the day, when the fuck am i supposed to eat? i didn’t mean to snap at you, i’m sorry for being a bitch, i’m just—.”

“you’re exhausted and sick, baby, i know.” grayson kisses your forehead lightly, his big hands smoothing your hair back from your forehead.

“i know i’m so annoying and i’m so sorry because i say it all the time but i really don’t have five minutes to myself at school—.”

grayson shushes you, “don’t apologize, y/n, i get it. i mean, i don’t completely get it, but i know what you’re saying.” you smile at his sensitivity. “im sorry i was being a pain in the ass, i just—just think you should take some time for yourself. and i know you always say you can’t take school off but i’ve never seen you look this pale, and you’re crying and i fucking hate it. you’re so upset, y/n, and you’re working yourself until you’re sick. you literally have a migraine because you didn’t take care of yourself today.”

you sniffle a little and tuck your head into his chest, sighing. your head continues to pound, the pain making its way behind your eyes.

“i don’t want you to burn yourself out because i know you love this job and your kids, but i love you, and you’re making yourself sick, baby.” grayson rubs circles over your back as you continue to sniffle quietly to yourself, tears still making their way down your face. grayson sighs deeply, pulling you even deeper into his chest, your nose fully engulfed into his shirt at this point.

“i hate seeing you cry, angel, fuckin’ breaks my heart,” he murmurs into your hair. “don’t like seeing my girl upset.” at that last line your heart swells; you actually had the world’s best and largest teddy bear as your boyfriend—no one was as caring, thoughtful, or tender as him.

“i know it’s gonna suck, but you should take tomorrow off. just tell me what to type on the computer and i’ll help you make your plans so you don’t have to look at the screen. you can just tell me what to do.”

you smiled softly, kissing the exposed part of his chest where his shirt had slid down. taking a deep breath, you sit back, looking up at his worried hazel eyes.

“s’okay, baby, i’m gonna go in.”

“no, you're not; you can’t. your eyes are half open right now and you look like a ghost. just lemme help you—do this for yourself. your kids will be fine—they don’t need a half miss y/ln crawling around the classroom, yeah? they need a—a complete miss y/ln who can open her eyes and who doesn’t look like she just crawled out of a crack den.”

“crack den?”

“you look very ill, y/n, don’t make me roast you even more.”

you giggle at his words, your arms wrapping themselves around his broad neck. “i’ll be your crackhead.”

grayson chuckles, “only if you stay home and fucking relax can you be my crackhead.”

you sigh; tomorrow was friday and you had a spelling test, centers, extra recess time—you guys weren’t actually going to be doing all that much...

“i’ll type it all up for you. you won’t even have to lift a finger. you can lay your head in my lap just how you like and i’ll just write down everything for tomorrow.” graysons eyes beamed with hope; hope that you’d take care of yourself for once, hope that you’d let him take care of you for once.

“alri—.” grayson can’t help but let a fist pump escape. he can’t believe he was actually able to convince you.

“but i’m proofreading and emailing it out.”

“whatever keeps you in my arms and stress free, pretty girl.”

#asks #grayson dolan #grayson dolan blurb #ethan dolan blurb #grayson dolan fluff #ethan dolan fluff #ethan dolan #VERY self indulgent #i have day dreams about this only with ethan #and he begs me to stay home at night bc he hates seeing me upset and sick #i hate myself why did i concept this #grayson dolan fanfic #ethan dolan fanfic

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mollydollyjournals · 3 years

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I feel so disgusting. I'm guessing that small bit of alcohol and the bad food I ate did this. My face is so big I can feel it squishing around. My belly is an entity all its own. My back rolls are fighting for space.

I said I'm fasting tomorrow but I figured I'd start the timer now. I guess it'll be 36hrs total? That's how I do 'one day' - it's between when I wake up and go to sleep, rather than just 24hrs, so it ends up being longer than that. I haven't properly done that in years but right now I feel like I just can't eat. I don't know why the fuck I binged so much. This was before the alcohol so it's not even that. And I literally had the equivalent of one small glass of wine.

My body is just in such bad condition. I'm going to drink water and try to have a number of cups or herbal tea. I'll need caffeine otherwise I'll get withdrawal from that, which is exhaustion and horrible headaches, and I really can't deal with any more head pain. So I'll have green tea. I'll try to figure out how many cups is the equivalent caffeine to what I normally have in coffee. Then I'll just have other herbal teas with detox and anti-inflammatory properties. Maybe a strawberry tea as a treat kind of thing. If that's allowed. I'm not sure. I'm going to avoid sugar, sweeteners and milks etc so maybe fruit tea counts as a sugar. I'll do some research I guess. I have orange juice in the fridge so if I start to get really weak or sick I can drink some of that quickly to break the fast and get my blood sugar levels up, but hopefully I won't have to.

Then I'm going to have to just go hard on salad and restriction and remember what even a small amount of alcohol seems to have done. Maybe I'll start weighing my salt so I know exactly how much in getting rather than guessing, just in case that's contributing to water retention. I want to cook and cool some things for meal prep and salads so I might do that tomorrow. If I feel like I can handle doing it while I fast, it'll be an easy way to make it look to hb like I'm still eating. If I don't trust myself with the temptation I guess I'll just have to risk that.

Maybe I should fast one day a week. I probably should. Really I should just...not drink. At all. I think I've done a lot of serious damage now. Im scared I'll be like this all the time forever. If that's the case I can never lose weight, unless it's muscle wastage. That terrifies me beyond description. I have to try fasting. I have to see if autophagy is really a thing and if it can help my organs. I'll still have proper food and nutrients the rest of the time as much as I can. But maybe I'll just start doing things like tea and juice fasts here and there.

Toilet tmi:

I also feel particularly gross because I couldn't go today. That often happens to me the day after I drink a lot, but I drank barely anything, and recently it's been more like 3-5x a day and really soft so this is the complete opposite and really sudden. I really want to take lax. But I know if I do that I'm fucking it up for later and I'll regret it. I'll have to just wait for it to go overactive again by itself. Kinda want that to be today if possible. But at least tomorrow. Also it'll make my weight higher so I'll feel even worse mentally. I wish my body would just work

I might do something like alternate eating days, where I have like 3x 500kcal meals a day made of high protein and healthy stuff, and restrict/fast days, where I do only tea or celery juice or lettuce and berries or something like that. I don't know how to get my metabolism going. I know I need to focus on organ health too. I'll need to do another blood test soon. I keep doing blood tests and then having another sickness episode so I have to do another test to see if that one did any damage. It's getting a lot worse every time but my blood tests still say my liver is mostly okay. I need those scans. Maybe this is the time my blood tests will finally say it's failing permanently. I don't know.

I'm really sleepy but I think I'm going to try to stay awake longer. I'm not sure. I have to go run a quick errand in a bit. Thankfully it won't take long, I'm too tired. But getting up and going for a walk is a good thing even if it's only short. I should try to walk outside more. Just the fucking pandemic. And one reason I only really work out at home is that if I start to feel sick or weak it's easy to stop, I literally just have to fall backwards onto the sofa. But if I'm outside somewhere then I have to get home. I don't know.

I ramble so much to keep my mind busy. Maybe I should write some lists or something. Do a fast/meal plan. Idk. Idk.

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itsjusta · 3 years

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WEEKLY UPDATE #11

Dec. 21 (Mon)

1:31 AM. I was going to sleep na unta but I ended up crying because I’m thinking about so many things 😅😅

but i had a good day doeeee its my first time to trade and i earned 400+ but i didnt sell pa basin magamay na nuon aish i’m looking forward to trading gyd doeee its fun and i want to earn money so i can save and buy things hehe also happy for u cos hapit naka maka 100k!!

watched a lot of teen wolf also today and did a task for khalid 😪

Dec. 22

my day was actually going okay. i’m disappointed sa ako self sa trading, but i was okay na with that.

i just spent my afternoon watching tv but then i saw that notif and everything just came crashing down

im really in so much pain and i hurt myself today. its nothing major, just small ones enough lang to make me feel something else. dont saba2 about dis doe. dont feel bad also this is my own choice and im doing this to lessen my emotional pain a little.

i also deactivated my fb doeee this is just temporary but i’m just really stressed.

Dec. 23

today was better hehe i know its ur first month so i really tried to stop myself from thinking that hahah just watched a lot of netflix and tv doeee and tiktok also hahaha

i hope tomorrow will be a better day for you doe :(( you know, when we were together i would get so scared to see u angry becos usahaaay ra gyd kyka masuko. u have so much patience for everything and i hate seeing you angry gyd kay i know nalain gyd ka ana doe and idk what’s making you angry but i hope u resolve it doe with whoever or whatever made u angry. i hope u have a calm and happy heart this Christmas! ♥️

if pwede lang gyd, i will go with u somewhere chill doe like a beach to just calm your mind. u know i’m always here for you and my house is always open for you! 🥰

Dec. 24

wasn’t so busy this day doeee cos sila ra nag prepare wala man mga salad2 hahah i’m celebrating Christmas this year na not as happy as sauna doe becos idk my heart is just not that happy also hehe i wish for a better Christmas jd next year, i wish to be happier next year doe and i wish that for you also.

lost my peace of mind these past few months doe that’s why its been so hard. i think this is one of the greatest gift u gave gyd to me while kita pa doeee i was so at peace sauna doe because i know na you love me and that i will always have you thats why i was also very happy and now i’m still learning to have that peace on my own doe

thank you for being one of my greatest blessings!!! i am forever thankful for all the love you have given me. i may not have celebrated this Christmas with you as my partner, but I’m also thankful that I got to celebrate with you as a friend.

Dec. 25

the weather today is so cold doe nice na nuon mag maoy2 hahah

cried a lot today doe cos idkkk just thought of a lot of things. i think gyd we will not talk na doe months from now cos its so hard to maintain our communication esp if face to face na 😅 but maybe you will be happier that way doe. i think you will be happier if we dont talk na doe cos u dont have to worry about me. if i just had the strength, i will really let you go doe because its for you but its so hard for me because i want to be involved in your life. but its also so hard to get involved in your life doe cos i get so hurt by many things but idk sometimes i find it worth it when i get to talk with you dayon inana btaw aishhhh i feel like im a idiot doe hahah idk

but when you want to not talk to me you can just tell me doeee u know i’ll accept it even if its hard hehe i just want whats best for u

I saw your vids and pics doe from your laag. You look really happy and you look together. I love seeing you happy but it super hurts that you’re happy na gyd with another doe. (not gonna lie i broke down after hahah) idk doe seeing you happy like that makes me realize that maybe i shouldn’t be involved in your life na doe because i’m just disturbing your peace and it’s so hard for me to move on also. i’ve been trying so hard to block out any info or news about u guys but i really can’t block everything out :)

also deactivated my fb doe idk i’m so tired so many things affect me doe. i feel so hurt, so small, so insignificant and so pathetic now. i feel like i’m torturing myself and that the world is punishing me. Looord ansaket huh :(

did it again today doeee aish i shud not do this na sayang ako skin!! hahahah (serious i shud not do this na doe)

alsooo 7 months nata buwag ngeok!! hahah

Dec. 26

today was an okay day doeee my morning was productive because i did my assignment and then cooked yummy fried rice for lunch

i just watched kdrama dayon doeee and i was excited huh cos i tot u will laag here but aish the weather not cooperating :( i even init na carbonara for u unta but aissshhh hahah idk when i will see u again doeee maybe u will not want to laag na hahah u also didnt call me but das also okay doeee 😅 i was very bored at night na dayon doe aishhh

u knooow i think i will just continue to love you doe until i get tired na dayon becos i dont receive the same love back hahah maybe that time maka stop najd dayon ko doeee idk with this heart bsag unsa na kasakit ga padayon gihapon!!! hahahah but maybe gyd doe one day i will get exhausted na and will stop na heheh

Dec. 27

watched a lot of kdrama today doe and just relaxed lang

i miss going on dates doeee huhu i want to kaon2 with someone and suroy2!!!! aish being single is so mingaw and i miss having sex doeee ion like being lonely and tigang!!!!!! 😤😤😤😤😤😤

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thanks--for--listening · 4 years

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all these people think love’s for show (but I would die for you in secret)

yes im finally back with fic! this time its korrasami tho bc my avatar obsession has not let me go yet. and yes its based on peace by taylor swift lol (also on ao3)

I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

Korra always came back to the sky. When the noise became too much, when the voices and the faces wouldn’t relent. Staring at the stars made her feel small, reminded her that the world was bigger than the images in her head. It was always changing, the constellations and the colors from the portals shifting as time passed, but in the end that change brought something new. Something good. Something beautiful.

“Can’t sleep?” She turned, saw Asami standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around her stomach. It made her wonder if it was cold out here, if she would even notice anymore. After everything her body had been through, she couldn’t gauge her standards, couldn’t figure out whether she felt something normally or too much or not at all. Did she not feel the chill in the air because she grew up in the South, or because she’d felt the life drain out of her, felt a cold so deep the definition had changed completely? Could she ever care for someone like Asami, someone so perfect and beautiful and normal, when she was so permanently damaged she couldn’t even begin to see the extent of her own scars?

Korra tried to snap out of it, searched for something she could offer her and came up empty. She fought back the urge to light a fire on the balcony floor just to keep her warm as she nodded. Asami sighed, walked up to her until they were standing side by side, arms leaning on the railing in front of them. “Yeah, me neither.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Korra asked.

Asami turned, raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you?” She shook her head, and when Asami laughed, she swore she felt a spark inside her, the embers of a flame that had burned quietly for so long finally finding the space to grow. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Silence floated in, gentle and easy, leading their attention back to the sky. The whole city seemed to be asleep, everyone exhausted from the past few days. She thought she’d appreciate the moment of relief, but there was something unsettling about staring into the streets and seeing nothing but vines and rubble. She’d spent her entire life used to the empty, to open space with nothing but sky and silence to fill it, but here it looked all wrong. It looked like another thing she’d ruined. Republic City would never go back to what it once was, to what it was supposed to be, to what Aang had dreamed it could be, and it was entirely her fault.

“Hey,” Asami‘s voice nearly startled her. “You okay?” She didn’t understand why she was asking until she followed her gaze, looked down and saw the metal railing bent and broken underneath her hands.

Korra sighed. “I thought when the battle was over, this stuff would get easier. I’m beginning to think it’ll always be this hard.”

“I’m sorry,” Asami said. “I feel like I kept pestering you after Zaheer. Kept trying to get you to talk to me, to let me help you, but now...I can understand why you wouldn’t want to. Why you couldn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You did everything right. I’m the one who messed that all up.”

“Don’t be silly, of course you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did. I messed everything up with Zaheer, with Kuvira. With Mako and Tenzin.” She hesitated, before adding, “With you.”

“You haven’t messed anything up with me.”

“But I will.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this,” Korra gestured toward the yellow beam shooting up into the sky, “isn’t going away. It isn’t going to stop. And as long as you’re with me, you’ll always have to deal with it. And someone as good and kind and wonderful as you shouldn’t have to suffer because you love someone like me.”

“Who said I’m suffering?” Korra glared at her, but Asami didn’t relent, didn’t soften her gaze. “I’m serious. Being with you has only made my life better.”

“Since you met me, you’ve been arrested, captured, stranded in the desert, and forced to fight some of the strongest benders in the world. Oh, and you almost had to sell your company. Let’s not forget that.”

“I also met some amazing people, learned how to take care of myself and my business, and made sure the Sato legacy wouldn’t be associated with hate and fear. You showed me that I could be more than I’d ever thought possible. If I’d never met you, I don’t know who’d I’d be now, but it wouldn’t be me. Not really.”

She didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to let out the words that had been eating away at her since the battle, but she couldn’t keep them in anymore, couldn’t let Asami look at her and not know the truth. “You lost your dad,” Korra said quietly, “because of a monster I created.”

“No. I didn’t. I—“ she bit her lip, and Korra watched as she swallowed, blinked back the tears that she knew would force themselves out sooner or later. “I lost him because he made a choice. To sacrifice himself for the greater good. To fight Kuvira, who you did not create. You stopped her, in a way only you could.”

“I should have stopped her sooner. If I had been stronger, if I had taken her down the first time, if I hadn’t been so weak, maybe—maybe I—“

Korra felt her words disappear, felt tears of her own threaten to make an appearance, but the feeling of Asami’s hands over her own buried whatever emotion had tried to fight it’s way to the surface. She squeezed hard, like she was holding her together, and Korra wondered if maybe she was, if one person could be that strong. If two hands were all it took to keep someone intact. “You are not weak, Korra.” Asami spoke as if she was giving a command, and she felt compelled to listen. “You are the strongest, bravest, most selfless person I know. But even you can’t stop bad things from happening. None of us can.”

“But I’m the Avatar. I’m supposed to help people. Save people.”

“And you have. How many people did you save by creating that spirit portal? By defeating Unalaq? By stopping Zaheer?”

“Yeah, but— I just—“ she searched for the words, found them buried underneath the rubble of every version of herself that came before tonight. “I just wish it didn’t hurt all the time. And I know what Tenzin said, but I wish being me, being with me, didn’t mean a lifetime of desperately trying to prevent bad people from doing bad things. It’s like I’m always fighting, like I’m always gonna be fighting. And I’m so tired, Asami. Sometimes I wish it would all just stop. Not for a day, or a week, but forever.”

They didn’t say anything, not at first. Korra looked down, stared at their hands, still pressed together. She waited for the words she knew would come, waited for Asami to recoil, to tell her it was too much, that she was too much. That she wasn’t worth it. That the brief periods of peace would never be enough to outweigh the pain and suffering that would always follow. And when she did, when she reached her breaking point and walked away, Korra knew she’d let her go. She’d gotten more time than she’d ever expected already — she wouldn’t allow herself to be greedy and ask for more, no matter how badly she wanted to keep those hands wrapped around hers.

“It isn’t fair,” Asami finally said, “that you have to go through this. You didn’t decide to be the Avatar. You didn’t pick this life. But I did. I choose you, Korra. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I’m in this no matter what.”

Korra looked up, tried and failed to hide the surprise in her eyes. “Even if it hurts?”

“Even if it hurts. I want it all: the good, the bad, and everything in between.”

Korra hesitated, just for a minute. In her wildest dreams she couldn’t have written this, couldn’t have imagined a world where after everything that happened, Asami wants to stay. Wants her. And maybe it was selfish, and maybe she was damning her to a life that no one should ever have to live, but she couldn’t lie and pretend that she didn’t want her more than anything, couldn’t walk away when she was standing in front of her, couldn’t stop from confessing every secret she’d tried to bury in the name of survival.

“If you’ll let me, I choose you, too. I don’t want to spend my restless nights with anyone else. And I know I can’t give you the life you deserve, but if it’s enough, whatever I have is yours. Always.”

Asami stepped closer, threw her arms around her. Korra fell into them, let herself get lost in the feeling of Asami’s embrace. She felt safe, in a way she didn’t anywhere else. The world couldn’t touch her here.

She didn’t know how long they stood wrapped in each other’s arms. Korra didn’t care— she’d spend a lifetime in this moment if she could. She probably would have tried, if she didn’t hear Asami yawning into her shoulder, didn’t feel exhaustion weighing heavily on her own eyes.

She forced herself to step back, to lean out of her arms just enough to look her in the eyes. “So much for not talking about it, huh?” Korra said, and she knew photos could never do it justice but she wished she had a way to capture the look on Asami’s face when she smiled, when she laughed quietly, just for her to hear.

Asami pulled her closer. “Don’t let go yet,” she sighed into her chest, “You’re warm.”

“We should probably head back inside, anyway — see if we can salvage any more sleep tonight.”

Korra wouldn’t have caught it if Asami hadn’t been wrapped up in her arms; instead, she felt the tension shoot through her body like an echo, until her shoulders went stiff and her hands squeezed a little tighter.

“Asami,” she said slowly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she answered too quickly. “I just like being out here. I don’t think I’m ready to head inside yet.”

“Asami. Talk to me. Why don’t you want to go back to bed?” She looked at her, really looked at her, and this time she saw the bags under her eyes and the desperation in them, and quietly added, “Did you sleep at all tonight?”

Korra watched her hesitate, and patience had never been her strongest virtue but she willed herself to wait. Her efforts were rewarded; Asami shook her head, stared at the ground and whispered, “I don’t want to see it again.”

“See what ag—oh.” Realization swept over her, and she cursed herself for not putting it together sooner, for not thinking about what could have possibly led her to also be awake in the dead of night. “Oh, Asami. I’m so sorry.”

Asami looked up, and the tears that had threatened earlier fell all too quickly now. Something inside Korra broke at the sight. She pulled her closer on instinct, held her and pretended it would be enough. She wondered if this would be their future, holding each other together to keep them both from falling to pieces, wondered how many nights they’d spend exactly like this, running from nightmares that didn’t disappear when they opened their eyes.

Korra waited until she heard the cries settle, until Asami stopped shaking in her arms, to ask, “Can you tell me about it?”

Asami shook her head. “You’ll blame yourself,” she said, her words decisive, quiet but powerful. “I won’t let you hurt like that.”

“I won’t let you hurt like this, either.”

“You can’t fix everything, Korra.”

“I can try.”

Asami stepped back, looked up at her, and Korra swore she smiled, just a little, just for a second. “It—“ Asami started, searching for words before she continued. “It makes me feel so helpless. The watching, the waiting. Every time I see it I know he’s...that he’s gone, but then you disappear into that machine. And no matter how many times I try and tell myself that it isn’t real anymore, that it’s over, part of me never knows if you’re going to make it out. Not until I wake up and see you for myself.”

There was a war inside her. Korra the Avatar wanted to ball up her fists, wanted to feel her fire burn, wanted to fight the pain away so that Asami would never hurt again. Korra the girl wanted to pull her closer and never let go, wanted to make promises she couldn’t keep just to make her feel better, even if it wouldn’t last. As battle waged within herself, whichever Korra was left behind wanted to ball up and cry. She knew she’d been right, knew that no matter what Asami said, she couldn’t possibly want to hold onto this much pain. She knew that it didn’t matter which Korra won the fight in the end — not a single version of her was worth it.

“I’m sorry,” Korra finally said. She had a million other apologies sitting at the tip of her tongue but she forced them back.

Asami read her mind anyway. “Not your fault,” she said. “I’ll remind you every time if you need me to.”

“Still. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

Asami sighed, as if the very admission of her pain was something to be frustrated about. “I don’t understand why it hurts this much, though. A month ago we weren’t even on speaking terms. I spent years hating him for what he did. And I was right. He did so many awful things to so many people, and a few games of Pai Sho can’t make up for that. So why can’t I stop seeing him?”

“He was still your father, Asami. All those years he spent raising you don’t just go away. You have a right to be sad about what you lost.”

“That’s the thing, Korra,” she said quietly, like she didn’t trust the words coming out of her mouth. “Sometimes, I’m not sure I’m sad. I’m mad. I’m mad that he went against everything he ever taught me. I’m mad that he fought for someone who hated what you are. I’m mad that he left me alone, that he didn’t even give me the choice.”

Korra reached for her again, searched for any words that could have possibly helped but came up empty, left only with a mantra of apologies that would never fill the hole left behind. She knew that feeling, understood with brutal clarity what it felt like to lose her agency, to be left at the will of those around her when she was the one who would suffer the consequences. It was a feeling she wouldn’t wish on anyone. And as she stood there, Asami’s head on her chest, she knew that she could never be the one to make her feel that way. Stay, leave, fight, run — no matter what she wanted, it could never be up to her.

“I’m sorry.” Asami’s voice broke through her own internal ramblings.

Korra failed to hide her incredulity. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I came out here to try and help you, and then I turned and made it all about myself.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“I’m serious, Korra.”

“So am I. You think I have the monopoly on pain? That I’m the only person who can ever be comforted?” She stepped back, placed her hands on the side of her face and made sure she was staring right into her eyes as she said, “I love you Asami, and that means that I’ll always be here to listen, or hold you, or do whatever it is you need. Anytime, anywhere.”

Asami smiles back at her. “I love you, too.”

“And,” Korra added, “as much as I wish I could keep you away from all the shit that comes with being me, I promise I’ll never take the choice away from you. If you want in, you’re in. If you want me, I’m yours.”

Asami leaned forward, kissed her cheek, and Korra thought she might burst into flames right there on the balcony. “Thank you,” she whispered.

They stood there for a minute, and she knew they should head back inside but she wanted one more moment of whatever this was. Peace, maybe, or something like it. Something close enough.

“We really should go back inside,” she finally conceded, “but I think I have an idea.” She stepped forward, held her hand out behind her. “Trust me?”

Asami reached for it without hesitation. “Always.”

Korra smiled, led her back into her temporary bedroom, held onto her until they were laying side by side, with just an inch of space between them.

“You said when you wake up, you never know if I made it out. If I’m okay. This way you’ll know.”

“I bet you use that line on all the girls,” Asami said, and she could hear the smile in her voice, but she couldn’t help herself from responding seriously.

“There’s no one else. Never has been. Just you.”

Asami erased the space between them, moved so her head rested on Korra’s shoulder, and she wondered how it had taken her so long to realize how well they fit together, how she could have possibly lived so long in a world without this.

“Does it ever go away?” Asami asked after a minute, her voice drifting away from their lighthearted jokes, soft and sad and lacking the hope Korra wished she could give her.

She thought of her own ghosts, of the scenes that played in her head like clockwork, of the way she could still find herself choking on air as she opened her eyes. She thought about the more recent additions, the way Kuvira had swapped places with Zaheer the past few nights, haunting her as relentlessly as her predecessor. “I don’t know. But it does get easier, after a while.”

“I wish I could have been there to help you. I wish I didn’t stay when you left. I wish—“

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”

They laid there for a few minutes, and here, when it was just them, Korra felt the silence return. It didn’t carry the weight of the world, didn't bring anything with it. It simply filled the space around them, provided a comfort she wasn’t used to.

“Korra,” Asami whispered. “Is it okay if I’m still scared?”

“Yeah. Is it okay if I am, too?” She felt Asami nod. “Then we’ll take on the night together. Fear and all.”

“Even if it hurts?”

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, even as she felt her eyes close, her arms pulling Asami closer still. “Even if it hurts.”

#please let me know what u think a bitch thrives on validation from others #korrasami #atla #tlok #TFLAO3 #fanfic #korra #asami sato #the legend of korra #legend of korra

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oh-theatre · 5 years

Text

Sycamore High: Auditions (Chapter 21)

A/N: I hope you know that for all the shows, and all the main characters I devised audition songs so please for the love of all that his holy appreciate my choices. Anyway, this chapter is set up weirdly but hope you enjoy! Also, I might be getting some kind of editor soon so...

summary: Its audition time! Whos gonna get cast?

words: 2,520

warnings: Swearing

Ao3 Link

“I love you” Ted smiles “I love you! I love you” Tommy exclaims as they walk into school early Monday morning.

“Do you love me? Or do you just like saying the phrase?” Ted asks innocently. Tommy giggles smiling wide, baring his teeth.

“Both!” He perks up, kissing Ted lightly on the cheek. Ted flushes, delighted by the fluttery sensation he’s become so familiar with. A feeling he'd come to expect, desire, crave-

“Would you two stop being the cutest for a second so I can freak out about auditions?” Charlotte wonders joining the couple. They chuckle turning their attention to Charlotte.

“How are you freaking out? You're literally so amazing” Tommy gushes, Charlotte giggles as they pair off into their own pair leaving Ted to wander around. He meets up quickly with Paul and Bill who also seem to be talking about auditions. Ted joins their conversation as they all walk towards the auditorium. He yawns tired, wincing at the slight pain caused by the scrunching of his nose. The gang bids farewell to Tommy making their way into the large theatre sitting down in their respective seats. Chad stands happily at the front, a mischievous smile scans the room.

“Well its finally here!” Chad announces, Ted smiles “Its audition day! Who's excited?!” The class grumbles in response. He chuckles “Alright! I'm giving you guys the entire period to work on your songs and get some final critique before this afternoon!” The class nod and split into their groups. Ted, Paul and Bill herd over to a corner, sitting on the floor.

“Ok, who wants to go first,” Paul asks, opening his sheet music. Ted laughs dryly to himself.

“Nopety nope,” He says, silently studying his music. “Someone else, I'm way too nervous”

“You're nervous? I can't reach my notes!” Bill exclaims, flipping exasperated through his own music. “How to apply for a job! How to advance to the mAil room” Bill sings, Ted, listens. Bill groans having trouble with the note. “How to sit down at a desk!” Ted nods.

“It sounds great Bill, seriously” Ted encourages, placing a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. Bill smiles gratefully.

“Ok...ok Ill go first” Paul cuts in, the boys nod ready to listen.

~~~

“Bill Dorris?” Chad comes out into the foyer scanning the room. Bill perks up and stands walking over to the doors. Chad nods, taking his audition packet and sending him in.

“Good luck Bill!” Ted shouts across the foyer. He nods gratefully before disappearing behind the doors. Bill enters quietly, making his way to the stage, he tries to stop his shaking, clutching onto his hands.

“Um..um hi…” He starts, shaking his head “I'm Bill, and today I will be singing ‘How to Succeed’ from the musical ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’, thank you” He takes a deep breath, finally glancing up. He starts…

~~~

“Charlotte?” Chad sends Bill out, greeting the eager girl. “Come on in”

“Good luck Lottie” Emma shouts mocking Ted but with a hint of genuineness. She bounces into the theatre, skipping nervously every step. She makes her way up confidently to the stage, smiling at the directors.

“Good afternoon, my name is Charlotte, and today I will be performing ‘No More Fear’ from the musical ‘Freaky Friday’, thank you” She silently praises herself, beginning to sing.

~~~

“Tommy Sweet?” Chad says, he tries to stop himself from laughing on the formality. Saying Tommy's last name, while the boy practically lives at his house. Tommy gets up from his position, Ted stands with him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Tommy smiles gratefully, squeezing Ted's hand.

“You're going to do amazing gumdrop” Ted assures, whispering sweetly into his ear. He nods, taking a deep breath making his way to Chad. He ushers him in helping him to the stage.

“Good luck Tommy” The professor whispers quietly before taking his place at the table. Tommy slowly walks up towards the stage and stands ready.

“Hello! I'm Tommy Sweet and I'm going to sing ‘Now it's Just the Gas’ from Little shop of horrors! Thank you!” He smiles at the pianist, excited to begin, the butterflies in his stomach flying away.

~~~

“Ted Porker?” Chad yawns, he doesn't mean to but it's getting late and he's quite exhausted. Ted looks to his friends freezing before Tommy and Paul lead him over to Chad. Tommy squeezes his hand gently before returning to his spot on the floor. “You alright kiddo?”

“Yeah...yeah, let's just get this over with” He sighs resigned, Chad chuckles leading him into the theatre. He makes his way up to the stage, he rushes.

“Hi, my name is Ted Porker, my song is ‘Look at the Sky’ from Urinetown” He wastes no time beginning.

~~~

“Emma Perkins” Chads not even trying anymore, out of almost 50 students, a few have stuck out and been interesting. Emma chuckles at the professor but stands, Paul nods encouragingly, she gives him finger guns before shaking her head awkwardly.

“You got this Em!” Charlotte calls out, a small group of cheers erupts from her friends. She laughs of them biting her lips thankfully. She turns to the professor.

“Let's do this,” She says walking in front of Chad and taking her place on the stage, Chad sits nodding. “I'm Emma and I'm going to sing ‘Times Are Hard For Dreamers’ from ‘Amelie’” she nods before the piano begins.

~~~

“Finally” Chad mutters to himself reaching the end of his list “Paul Matthews… cmon” Paul nods.

“You've got this!

“I believe in you bud!”

“I'm hungry” Surprisingly Paul appreciates Emma's statement the most. She smiles up at him, he nods. He reaches Chad, giving him the packet.

“Alright let's go,” Chad says leading him, as he had done one too many times today, to the stage. Paul gets right into it, wasting no time.

“I'm Paul, and I'm going to perform ‘Oh, What a Beautiful Morning’ from the musical ‘Oklahoma’, thank you!” He takes a sharp inhale, before beginning, summoning Curly.

~~~

“I'm going to quit tomorrow” Chad announces as he and Ted return home. Ted chuckles, Henry emerges from his room, kissing Chad. He nestles into Henry, moaning softly clearly exhausted. “I'm sorry, I really am but some people just can't sing love” Chad mumbles into his husband's neck. Henry lets out a soft chuckle rubbing comforting circles on his back. They pull away, Chad turns to Ted. “But not you Ted,” He says mustering up as much affection as he can. Ted smiles, sighing.

“It's fine, I'm just glad it's over” He pounds a victorious fist into the air. “Alright I'm off to bed, I'm tired” He yawns, Chad nods agreeing. Ted bids the pair farewell before heading to his room. Henry turns to his husband, who remains pouting.

“Me tired” Chad gestures pointing at himself, Henry chuckles “Me want bed”

“Ah but alas, you need to work on the cast list love” Henry reminds him “You're the one who did, monologues and songs in one. It needs to be up by tomorrow morning” Chad groans again, once more nestling into his husband. “I know dearest, what a life”

~~~

Gucci Gang

Tommy: How does everyone think they did?

Emma: Eh, I mean I got through it….

Charlotte: I don't know how I did, but I sure had a lot of fun

Ted: Of course you did

Bill: Ted be nice

Tommy: Ted! Be nice

Paul: Oh my god…

Ted: Shut it, Paul

Tommy: Hehe, that's funny Bill!

The adventures of Fucking Useless and Sleaze Ball

FU: You're dating Bill

SB: Ok shut up. First of all, I would be honored cause Bill is aMAzing and second I'm not but go off

FU: Whatever you say… how is he by the way? Have you talked to him yet?

SB: No, give it time

Gucci Gang

Tommy: I'm sure you all did amazing

Ted: I'm sure you did the mostest amazing

Tommy: I feel like you know that's grammatically incorrect

Bill: But you're not going to fix it

Ted: What's wrong about it?

Bill: It's just ‘Most amazing’

Tommy: ‘Most amazing’ love

Emma:...

Charlotte: Oh wow…

Paul: *cough*

Ted: Ok yeah, I’m out for the night.

Gumdrop

Ted: Night Tommy

Tommy: Night Ted! Make sure you actually get some sleep ok?

Ted: I will, I promise.

Ted: Love you

The absence of a return text was the result of an absolute delighted squeal being released on the other line. Tommy bounces back typing quickly.

Tommy: LOVE YOU TOO!!

Slowly the conversation dies out until everyone had clocked out. Each with settling in for the night with their own level of anxiousness. Each unaware that Chad was currently sat at the table, pulling his hair out over the cast list. Certain of one thing, those six were on it.

~~~

“No...way” Charlotte gapes, feeling faint. A squeal pulls her out of her thoughts, a firm feeling clutching onto her. She feels herself pulled into an embrace.

“Lottie! Congrats!” Emma shrieks clearly caffeinated. Emma pulls away pointing to Charlotte's name, Charlotte lets out a nervous laugh. “Char! You're Bea!”

‘What are you guys shouting about?” Paul moans walking up to the pair. Emma bounces pointing to the cast list hanging royally on the auditorium doors. Paul's eyes widen “Emma! Oh my god! Congratulation” Emma's hands drop, her face follows.

“Huh?” She turns, quickly stumbling back. Charlotte stops her finally feeling the flutter in her stomach calm down. “Oh...oh my…” She turns to Charlotte, they resume their squealing. “I'm Portia!” She manages through her excitement, she notices Paul staring at her. She clears her throat and stands idle. “I mean whatever…” Paul raises his eyebrows, nudging her aside. Suddenly the same look befalls Pauls's face.

“I...m...im?” He barely whispers, Emma turns unable to see the list “I'm Nigel?” His voice as doubtful as ever, Emma and Charlotte share a silent gasp. “I'm...Nigel” He tries again, a still uncertain tone remains. Emma hits him. “I'm Nigel” He decides. She claps his back.

“You're Nigel! And I'm Portia! And Char is Bea” Emma squeals, too excited to contain her happiness.

“I believe congratulations are in order then” Bill approaches adjusting his glasses. He nods at each, Paul grins wide. He turns back to the list. “I will do crew, I find sound and lights enthralling” Bill explains.

“Will you have enough time?” Paul asks coyly, Bill tilts his head “Well, I'm asking because you're Brother Jeremiah!” He announces, pushing Bill forward showing him his name. Emma smiles.

“Guess you're my dad huh?” Emma teases, Bill turns a glaze over his eyes. She takes him in, hugging him. “Congrats Bill” Their moment is broken by a sudden clearing of the throat. The group turns, Emma's face drops, she glares. “Sam” She seethes, he stands gallantly before them. Charlotte suppresses a blush but moves aside politely. He winks at her much to Emma's unfortunate disgust.

“Step aside, for it is my turn to see the cast list” He explains. He pushes forward clearing the area. As if a sacred bubble surrounds him that only he can touch. He examines the list gasping suddenly. Charlotte bites her lip excitedly. “If music be the food of love, play on!” He calls out. They all ponder for a moment before Charlotte bounces.

“You got Shakespeare!” She proclaims, the group stifles their collective groan. He nods dropping his act for a moment, something is shared between them. “Oh, Sam! Congratulations!” He shakes hyper, pulling her into an unexpected hug. Emma goes to move forward but is quickly stopped by Paul. She pouts keeping an intent eye on them. Her anger does not disappear as another figure approaches once again surrounded by his entourage.

“Move aside losers” Billy requests, Emma and Bill get ready to pounce fury controlling them. Paul and Charlotte rush to hold them back. He looks over the list for a moment before smirking. “Guess we will be seeing a lot more of each other, say hello to your shylock” He announces, before quickly leaving the foyer continuing on.

“Oh, I could just kill him” Emma seethes once more, Bill nods in agreement.

“Hi, hello, what the fuck was Billy doing here?” Ted approaches annoyed, hand in hand with Tommy.

“Language love” Tommy reminds gently, yawning away. He looks around practically a zombie before setting his eyes on the list. That seeming to be the only energy he needs, he perks up. Tommy pulls carefully on Ted's hand. “Cast list dearest!” Ted smiles encouragingly, not expecting the sudden knot forming in his stomach. He sends Tommy forward, knowing he didn't need to search the list for something that wasn't there, he gives him a kiss of good luck.

“Tell me what you got” He requests, Tommy scoffs playfully as he makes his way forward.

“Don't be certain I'm in it, I know for a fact you don't kno-” he pauses, the group's full attention falls on him now. “Oh my god” Is all he manages. He turns starry-eyed back to Ted.

“Gumdrop?” Ted asks cautiously, he moves closer to Tommy “What's wrong?” Tommy bites down a laugh, shaking his head.

“Oh Ted, there's nothing wrong” He sighs dreamily, Ted licks his lips raising his brows.

“I'm not following” Ted tries again “Did..did you get a part?” He cautions, the group continues listening.

“Better” Tommy smirks “You got a part” He barely whispers. Paul and Bill gasp softly, Ted doesn't register and goes again.

“Come again?”

“Love! You got a part!” He erupts, Paul and Bill cheer, soon joined by Emma and Charlotte. Ted freezes, a part? No...no… surely “And not just any part, you got Nick Bottom!” He informs. Ted exhales sharply, pursing his lips waiting for the song to end. For someone to pinch him, wake him, pull him out of this perfect dream. Tommy throws himself around Ted, who ground himself returning the embrace. “I'm so proud of you Ted” Tommy whispers gently, just for the two of them. Ted feels something lift off of him, he didn't know words could feel so good. They pull apart, but something hits him.

“Wait what about you?” He says wiping his eyes, returning his focus. The cheers become silent as they watch Tommy intently. He shrugs coyly.

“Well...I'm not the Bea to your Nick,” He says, Charlotte giggles “I am however a certain Nostradamus!” And the cheers return. Ted goes for another hug picking up his smaller boyfriend spinning him around. Through everything, no matter what, this moment right here. It was great, it was perfect.

~~~

Chad puts a soft hand to his heart, smiling exhausted but happy. He listens with absolute glee as the student's cheer and rejoices over the cast list and their parts. He nods proud of himself, walking over to his desk. He slumps in his chair revising the scripts and sheet music. He looks over the cast list once more

Nick Bottom: Ted

Nigel Bottom: Paul

Bea Bottom: Charlotte

Shakespeare: Sam

Portia: Emma

Nostradamus: Tommy

Brother Jeremiah: Bill

Shylock: Billy

Now...the show begins...

#sycamore high #tgwdlmhs #tgwdlm #the guy who didn't like musicals #musicals #musical theatre #theatre #starkid #jon matteson #corey dorris #joey richter #lauren lopez #jaime lyn beatty #robert manion #jeff blim #writing #my writing #ao3 #archive of our own

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hellofanimagination · 5 years

Text

Raised By Wolves

Prompt: Requested by Anonymous “ Hi! ive been having a really hard week and your writing always makes me smile! i love your blog sm! i was hoping you could write an angsty basement gerard x male!reader where maybe reader goes to g's house cause he got in a fight with his parents or something... idk whatever you write will be amazing! i hope you have the best day ever ily <3″

Warnings: Politics (kinda implied homophobic/etc parents)

Word Count: 879 (its short i know im srry!)

Pairing: Gerard x Male!Reader

You love your parents, you do, but fuck they piss you off sometimes! You got into a big fight about shitty relatives which led to political arguments and then it spiralled into a huge fight about everything that you don’t see eye to eye on. You screamed, they yelled, doors slammed, names were called and shitty things were said that you know none of you mean...right? You’re their son, they should try harder to understand your generation and your viewpoints and the things that matter to you, but they don’t. You wanted to argue more, to try to get them to just listen to you but you stormed out of the house and drove to Gerard’s faster than you should have.

It’s late, dark sky and empty roads, your wheels speeding down the pavement of your shitty Jersey town. Gerard’s house sits in a dark culdesac and you pull up outside of it, looking over at the dark windows and dimly lit porch light that’s attracting bugs. You can feel the anger pumping through your veins like blood, thick and black and boiling. You grip the steering wheel too tight, opening and closing your hands, trying to breath, before exiting your vehicle and making your way to his front door.

It’s late and you scramble for your phone to call your boyfriend, waiting for him to pick up.

“Babe?” Gerard’s voice is rough with sleep, confused and maybe worried.

“Gee!” You are so glad to hear him, something who gets you, who won’t call you names or argue basic human rights with you. “I’m at your house.”

“What? Why?” You hear fabric rustle, he must be sitting up in bed.

“I,” You pause, the anger draining from your body and suddenly being replaced with exhaustion and the need to be close to your boyfriend and be held and understood. “I needed to see you.” The words come out wet and you struggle not to cry.

“I’ll be right up.” His voice sounds soft before he hangs up and you stand in the dark feeling exposed and tired.

The door opens and you push yourself into Gerard’s arms, breathing in the sleepy scent of your boyfriend and holding his hoodie clad body close. He’s warm and soft and he holds you tight, hands rubbing your back and he whispers in your ear that he loves you. You don’t cry but your throat feels tight as you think about your parents and that house, the suffocation of closed mindedness and disinterest lingers. You take deep, shaky, breathes, and begin to calm down. Gerard pulls away but keeps his hands on you, looking you in the eyes and smiling gently.

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” He leads you into his house and into his room where it’s dark and warm, a salt lamp on the desk the only light in the room. He makes himself busy as you kick off your shoes and jeans before crawling into bed. The blankets are heavy and smelling of Gerard, the most comforting smell you’ve ever found. You feel tired and achy, and really really lonely, the kind of loneliness that comes from being shoved aside again and again, the kind of loneliness that never really goes away because the thing that made you lonely will never go away. You feel suffocated by the idea that hate will win, that too many people just don’t care and don’t have the desire to try and see what is right in front of their faces. Pain, so much pain, everywhere.

Gerard climbs into bed behind you and pulls you into his chest, tight and safe. You feel the ache in your chest lessen and it lessens even more when Gerard nuzzles your neck and kisses your skin, soft and loving.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks softly and you shake your head, hair rustling against the pillows.

“I just,” You sigh and turn over in his arms, finding his soft hazel eyes and knowing he’s there for you. “I’m tired of fighting with people who are determined to not understand me, to not listen, to not fucking care.” Anger bubbles as your sentence ends, muscles tense and Gerard runs his hands down your arms soothingly.

“I know, it’s frustrating. I’m sorry, but you won’t be in that house forever and you will always have people in your life who do understand you, who do care about you and want to listen to you.” He sounds tired but sure of himself and your chest hurts.

“I love you.” It’s all you can say, feeling drained and beaten down, you bury your face in his neck and he holds you close.

“I love you too.” He says and ya maybe your family sucks sometimes, maybe they say hurtful things, maybe they won’t look outside their own old, outdated, box of values, but at least you have Gerard and at least he cares and listens. You let yourself relax in his arms, anger and loneliness bubbling away as Gerard’s soothing heart and breathing even out. You listen to his breathing and slowly you let sleep over take you, knowing at least you will wake up next to your boyfriend and at least tomorrow will be better.

#gerard way #gerard way imagine #gerard x reader #gerard way x reader #mcr #mcr imagine #my chemical romance imagine #my chemical romance #Basement!Gerard x Reader #basement!gerard #male reader

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hosdamniny · 5 years

Text

a simple snowstorm

Pairing: Fionn Whitehead x Reader

WORD COUNT: 1628

A/N: HAAAAAAAA THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I’VE TRIED TO WRITE AN IMAGINE DRABBLE ONESHOT THING NO PROMISES ON HOW IT IS AHGHGHG. IM USED TO WRITING SCIENTIFICALLY. if it seems as if its really simplistic, that was a concept ???¿ idk i tried lol. also this polar vortex is making me need cozy and warm fionn to cuddle with so yeahhh

TRIGGER WARNINGS: none just sincere fluff i think

Fionn and I are busy people. I think it’s safe to say we take pride in what we do, we’re hard workers. His schedule can get pretty clogged for a period of the year when working on a new movie, show, or anything of the like. But right now, we’re both pushing and giving our best.

The new film Fionn’s in is in the heat of shooting, and it seems to be more rigorous than his last one. There’s a lot of running involved for him; this isn’t a problem, he just comes back to our flat exhausted and ready to go to bed. I’m currently a barista at a small coffee shop in town, but I’m also a college student. Fionn often times comes to visit me when I’m working and he has a break in filming. He always seems to compliment me on how well I do latte art, and will proceed to say something along the lines of “I was complete shit when I worked in a coffee shop, but this is beautiful.” It was like a ritual to him whenever he was visiting, and I am not complaining.

Today is Saturday, and it was quite chilly out in London. When I was at work, many customers kept mentioning and asking if I and the rest of my coworkers that day were ready for the snow storm moving in later. I knew it was cold, but I hadn’t realized there would be gratuitous amounts of snow coming in. It wasn’t until the end of my shift that I was able to check the radar, and sure enough the storm was an hour or two away. After much deliberation, my coworkers, manager, and I agreed to not open the next day out of consideration for our well beings.

I left the shop around 2:30. The storm isn’t going to arrive for about two hours now, but it was snowing lightly. The white gentle flakes kissed my nose and cheeks as I made my way to our flat.

Once inside, I took a deep breath. It didn’t dawn on me how busy it was at work, and how exhausted I was now that I was in a place where it was calm. The small flat Fionn and I live in was more on the modern side. Showing peace and calmness with its theme colors of navy blue, greys, greens. It was cozy and comforting nonetheless. I removed my winter gear, and began my post-work ritual.

I made my way to our bedroom and I was greeted by a messy bed. My eyes grazed over it to the photo of the two of us propped on one of our bedside tables. Fionn was the last one to get up today, and he’s usually particular about the bed and it’s neatness, even if it is just straightening the duvet out. I chuckle assuming he was too tired to do so this morning. I go and choose a fresh set of underwear and comfy clothes from our closet, and head to the bathroom.

My shower is quick, and it tends to always have been. I adjust the cable knit sweater I’ve just put on while I attempt to wipe the steam away from the mirror. I’ve always liked my eyes, they look like forests that I could wander into for days. Their (e/c) branches snaking and weaving towards the new moon of my pupil. Breaking my thoughts away, I finish up and head to the kitchen. I think it’s safe to say we should all have a bit of hot tea when there’s a big snowstorm coming.

My eyes peer over to the stove clock as I press kettle’s switch down, it’s 4:00 pm. Fionn said he’d be done for the day around 6, and the snow is starting pick up and get heavier. I believe that Fionn will get home, but now I’m not sure on the time. Snow causes delays, and it’s what begins to kickstart a small feeling of anxiety in my stomach. The small click of the kettle wakes me from my thoughts, and I begin to fill my mug.

It is now 5:30. The snow is really coming down now, and I haven’t really been to anxious about Fionn; he texted me saying he was going to pick up some take away. I’ve been busy studying for the past hour and a half when I hear the door to our flat open. I glance up to see a Fionn in his black winter coat covered with snow, his hands, bare and red from the winter chill, grasping a plastic bag with chinese food.

A smile creeps onto my face, “Hi.” he says.

“Well, hi lovely,” I say as I make my way over to him.

“I underestimated how far away the restaurant was.”

“I see that,” I giggle, grabbing the bag from his chilled hands.

I empty the bag on the counter, and turn the kettle on once again. This time it was for both of us. Out of his winter attire, he joins me in the kitchen. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, and he’s fiddling with his glasses that have now fogged over from the change in temperature. He grabs a mug from the cabinet and sets in on the counter with a sigh. By this time, I’ve turned around, leaning on the counter and facing him. I grab his hands, still cold, attempting to help warm him.

“Did you get let out early because of the weather?” I gently ask, playing with his fingers. His nose and cheeks are rosy.

“Yeah, we couldn’t film anymore,” he exhales, “None of the scenes required falling snow, so we just called it a day.”

The quiet click of the kettle pulls Fionn’s warmer hands from mine, I then grab the food and leave to the living room. Fionn follows suit with two fresh mugs of tea, made to our own liking. We settle down into the couch, and begin to eat with a soft sitcom on the telly; we catch up on each other’s day.

“What was the coffee shop like today? Busy?” Fionn inquires as he feeds some stir fried veggies.

“Surprisingly, yeah. It was steady,” I answer as I move my hands in effort to emphasize, “but it was like, and uncomfortable steady.”

“Yeah? How was your latte art today, you know I like that.” He nudges my arm gently in a loving tease.

“Oh it was fine, you dork.”

“Fine? Just fine??” he retorts, “I think we both know that you are the best barista with the best latte art! At least in my books.”

“God, fine, whatever you say.” I bashfully indulge, smirking.

He talks about his day, it’s just as busy as it was yesterday. He says he was still exhausted from the day before, and that today just amplified his fatigue.

The rest of our time eating is spent switching between having simple conversation, studying each other, and watching the sitcom. It’s not uncomfortable, it’s fascinating really. Fionn is such a cute boy and I’m glad I’m with him, sharing this relationship. I’m in the middle of watching him take a bite while simultaneously watching the sitcom when his phone rings across the room. He then gets up to answer it, leaving the container of food on the coffee table.

When he comes back, I’m now slumped into a crook of the couch, cozy as ever. He lays down with me, cozied up against me. His head resting on my chest and arms tangled with mine.

He looks up with a grin, “I’ve no filming to do tomorrow.”

“Because of the storm?”

He nods and replaces his head on my chest again, I peer out the window behind the television. I have this feeling he does the same, for he says, “(Y/N), you’re just as pretty as that snow out there.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he responds as I place my hand on his head, petting and playing with his hair.

“How so?”

He inhales before he starts, “Well, no matter how hard it seems to be coming down, it’s always mesmerizing.”

I tittered as I raised an eyebrow, “And how does that relate to me, lovely?”

“Well you work so hard all the time, but you never fail to mesmerize me in all your states of mind.”

I smiled, I was taken aback a bit, in a warm way. I knew I work hard, but just the way Fionn said it in his tired and gentle state made it mean so much more. By this time, it’s safe to say that we were both tired and on the brink of falling asleep.

“Fionn, I can say the exact same for you.”

I felt him smile as well in that moment, and I was greeted with the feeling of content. We were in that moment where we just didn’t need anything else to add to it. We know we love each other, and we don’t necessarily need to say it aloud. Fionn did just to reinforce the moment, as some sort of reassurance for me.

“I love you,” his tired and delicate voice said.

Boy, could I listen to that forever and ever.

“As do I.” I return as my lips lower and linger on his head.

His soft hair under my finger tips and our synchronized gentle breaths eventually put us to sleep on the couch. The telly is still on, but that does not matter, nor does the snow storm gracefully raging outside. All we know is that we have a Sunday to be dedicated to each other, coziness, and a moment of rest from our intertwined busy lives.

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fictional-scenarios · 5 years

Note

can I please request a bnha scenario where reader is best friends with midorya(and secretly in love with him) and she has a very abusive father but she hides it from him until he stars treating her worse and one day hurts her so bad that she runs away without even thinking why, and that when midorya finds his best friend and crush bloodied on his door in the middle of the night. a lot of fluff if you can please? thank you so so much! I hope its not too weird, Im just going through some stuff tbh

don’t you let me go tonight

pairing: midoriya / reader

a/n: this is such a… deep request, im sorry for whatever you’re going through and please know im here for you and dont be afraid to reach out! i hope this imagine finds you in good health and while it’s only a story, i hope it in some way can make you feel just a little bit better!

warnings: violence, abuse, please beware!

“Oh man, that must have been some tough training.”

It’s hard to see who is speaking to you with the sun glaring in your eyes, but you didn’t need to look to know just who it is.

“Hah, yeah. Gotta train the best to be the best, y’know?” As you stand back up straight, you tug your sleeve down over your arms. Midoriya seems happy today, fired up with his fingers balled into a tight fist. He grins at you.

“Definitely,” his eyes, no longer able to wander over the countless bruises littering your arms, catch yours. “But don’t overwork yourself!”

You laugh, shoving your hands into your pockets. “You’re starting to sound like Iida.”

He falters before he loosens back up, rubbing the back of his head. “I guess I do. But seriously, those look kinda bad. Shouldn’t you go see Recovery Girl?”

“Again?” You raise a brow at him. “I just saw her last week- I don’t really want to get lectured for training too hard.”

“Exactly,” he’s starting to get worried again, it makes you nervous. “You’re in almost as much as me.”

“I’m fine, Midoriya.” It’s hard to assure him at this point. It used to be so easy- just a quick, ‘trained too hard’ and he would be all too happy to carry on. Now, things are different. He’s starting to ask questions, he’s starting to suspect things. There’s a longing in his eyes when you hide your wounds from him.

“Alright,” he backs off reluctantly, sighing. “If you say so.”

It bothers you to the core to lie to him like this, but… It’s better than telling him the truth. A hero should never tell lies, especially not to those you care for the most, but you couldn’t bear the thought of him finding out just what was actually the source of your bruises, your cuts. They’re easy fixes by Recovery Girl, but you’ve visited her so many times that even she is starting to get antsy. Surely, you can’t be this reckless, she’d said, an odd look in her eyes. Since then, you’ve been reducing your trips. You didn’t want her to know. You didn’t want anyone to know.

Whether it was because you despised the pity or the embarrassment, you weren’t sure.

After all, what kind of hero allows themselves to be struck by their own father?

What kind of hero comes that kind of family, anyways?

Midoriya has always been so helpful to you, the perfect lifeline, whether he knows it or not. The times you spend with him leisurely, not having to worry, to hide or fear, were your favorites. Even now, his eyes full of concern, you can’t help but feel… Safety.

But you can’t be with him forever, as much as you’d like to. Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and you pull it out and fight the grimace that threatens to show.

5:05 PM: Get home right now.

5:11 PM: Can you read?

5:15 PM: If you’re not home in 10, I’m coming to get you.

You feel like you’re choking. Somehow you missed his messages. Somehow you didn’t hear your phone going off, a sound you’d trained yourself never to miss specifically for times like these. If you weren’t in public, you’d be bawling your eyes out.

“Everything okay?” Midoriya asks like he knows what you’re hiding. You press your lips into a tight line, force down the anxiety, and smile at him cheerily.

“Of course. Dinner time.” Your voice wavers and you pray he doesn’t hear it.

“Text me when you’re done!” He beams, and you can feel it in your chest. He’s just… The sweetest. The best you know. You want to tell him everything- let your words vomit and spill, but you can’t. He handles enough on his own.

Though you’d rather die than leave knowing what’s waiting for you at home, you pull your bag over your shoulder and wave goodbye. As you turn your back on him, you take a good look at his face. He’s still happy, a bright but tired smile on his lips. He’s been working so hard lately to get control over his quirk, the one that seemingly came out of nowhere.

Something feels different in the world when he leaves your line of sight. Everything feels heavy, like doom. Your stomach hurts on the way home as you leave your safety net. It even takes you a moment to get inside, standing at your own front door, terrified to open it.

Maybe he’ll be in an okay mood. Maybe it really is dinner time, maybe tonight things will be fine.

You take in a deep breath before you grasp the doorknob, turning-

It flies open before you can even try to open it.

“There you are,” his voice turns your blood cold. “When I tell you to come home, you come home,” he reaches out, catches you by your arm, yanks you inside. The world around you is gone in a blur. “Got it?”

You’re thrown onto the floor, your nose colliding with the tile. The door slams shut behind you as you scrabble to your knees.

“What took you so damn long, huh?” There’s a hand grasping the collar of your shirt, yanking you to your feet roughly as you’re gagged by the force. Your father isn’t mad tonight- he’s enraged. When you’re face to face with him he grabs the fabric of your shirt, lifting your feet off the floor. “Explain!”

“I-I was just training-” He shakes you as you speak. “I’m sorry!”

“Training?!” You’re dropped to the floor, terror racing through you. There’s no one home, just you and him- there’s nothing stopping him. “This stupid U.A. bullshit again! It was with that green kid again wasn’t it?”

When you don’t respond he gets even angrier. A boot plants itself on your shoulder and-

You scream.

You swear something cracks beneath his weight.

“Keep your mouth shut, brat!” There’s fingers in your hair. “I ought to kill you!”

“Stop!” You howl, tears racing down your cheeks. You hate him, you hate him, you want to fight back but you can’t. He’s so much stronger but being lifted by your hair is agony-

Before you can stop yourself, your nails catch the skin of his hands.

You hit the floor before you can even realize it. His shadow covers yours. You can’t see his face, he just stands silently. It’s the most terrifying thing you’ve ever witnessed.

When he reaches down and catches you by the throat, you think of Midoriya.

You soon realize why the world felt wrong when you left him.

The sun had long since set by the time Midoriya finally wandered home. His muscles are blissfully exhausted, his stomach grateful when he opens the front door and smells pork cooking. His mother chose a late dinner tonight knowing he would be busy training with his friend.

“Izuku! Is that you?” She calls, and he slips his shoes off.

“Yeah, it’s me!” He shuffles into the kitchen, slipping his jacket off and hanging it over the arm of the couch. “That smells great, mom.”

“It’s your favorite!” She lifts the lid off of a pot, and when the steam clears, he sees that delicious sizzling meat. He almost drools at the scent, but she has him shaking out of it when she speaks again. “How was training with ___?”

“It was good. She had to go kinda early though so I just stayed alone for a few hours.”

His mom frowns. “Aw, here I was hoping she’d be coming back with you. I even made extra.”

Midoriya laughs graciously. “I’ll save her some. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it for lunch tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you ask her if she’d like to come over tonight?” Inko says, stirring some of the cooking rice. “You guys haven’t had a sleepover in a while.”

Midoriya scratches his cheek. “I don’t think her dad wants her to anymore.”

Inko seems to tense up for a moment, a strange look in her eyes. “Oh, right.”

There’s a memory that flashes through his mind. It was so long ago but he remembers it so clearly. He’d walked you home after playing, just two kids having fun at the playground, but it was shortlived. Her dad had called her in and Midoriya, being the good friend he was, walked her to her doorstep. When she went inside, he got a good look at your father. A civilian, but in that moment, staring up at him, he swore he saw a villain. You were yanked inside before you could even say goodbye properly, and the door was promptly slammed shut in his face.

He came home crying that day, and Inko had a less than enjoyable phone conversation with him. Since then they kept their interactions at a minimum, and you only ever came to Midoriya’s, never the other way around.

“I’ll put some in a box for her,” she tries to bring her tone back up, but she can’t shake the uneasiness. “I hope she likes it.”

Midoriya pulls his phone from his back pocket and glances over his notifications, a heaviness settling in his gut. Something feels a bit off, as though something was going to happen at any moment. You never got back to him, and while that wasn’t the first time you’d gone radio silent after heading home, it didn’t feel right. Tonight, strangely, he felt like he needed an ‘ok’ from you.

are you okay?

He clicks send and waits, sitting down on the couch in silence while his mother absently fills the one-sided conversation with something nonchalantly. After ten minutes, his eyebrows knit. You haven’t even looked at it yet. Eating dinner felt oddly hollow, like there was something wrong. He goes to bed with that same feeling.

The first time he hears the sound, he thinks he’s dreaming. Soft sounds, almost like distant pounding, at his front door. He sits up with bleary eyes and yawns, glancing at the clock.

3 a.m.

Slowly, he gets out of bed and makes his way to his living room. There’s a set of frequent knocks and, yeah, he heard them that time. It makes him pick up the pace, a worried frown apparent when he finally pulls the doorknob and yanks the door open. What he sees has him stuck in his place, his eyes wide, his hands tight in fists.

It’s you.

One arm is slung around your gut, your open hand splayed over your stomach, while the other reaches out to support your body weight against the frame. You aren’t looking up at him, your head hung low, but already he can see the obvious pain you’re in.

“___?” He whispers.

You slowly find the strength to look up at him. There’s blood everywhere he looks. It drips down your nose, paints your lips. It smears down the side of your head, and splits the bridge of your nose.

“Izuku,” you sputter, and he hasn’t heard you say his first name like that before. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t even know what to say. You’re in so much pain.

“___!” Midoriya’s arms find you in a split second, catching you as you lose your grip, holding you up as he brings you inside. The door slams shut as he leads you to his couch and sits you down on the cushioning. He slides the coffee table away just so he can sit on his knees and reach up to touch your face. The way you flinch away breaks his heart in two. “What happened to you?!”

“I-” you can barely even fucking speak. He cradles your face in his hands and he can’t stop the tears that prick at his eyes. Of all the people he never wanted to see in this state, so broken, it was you. And he doesn’t even know what to do. There’s nothing he can do.

“___, wait here,” as much as he doesn’t want to leave you there, he needs to clean you up. His mind races as he grabs whatever he can find- mainly items he cleans himself up with. A rag, antiseptic, bandages. When he comes back, you’ve fallen on your side, hands holding your gut. He has to stand there for a moment- he has to register it.

He crouches before you, reaches out, and touches the side of your head. Your eyes open, and finally, his tears fall.

“What happened.” His voice shakes, your hair is damp against his palms.

“I can’t do it anymore.” God, you sound pitiful. “I can’t.”

“Do what?” As he sets down the items, his eyes never leave yours. You aren’t crying anymore, you’re just…

Empty.

He presses the rag to your nose and your eyes scrunch shut. He swipes it across your cheekbones and you whimper.

“I’m sorry,” he tries to say as evenly as possible. “But I have to get this off of you.”

“I didn’t know where else to go.” Your voice sounds far away, almost as if you were talking to yourself. “I have nowhere else to go.”

“It’s okay.” Midoriya isn’t even sure if you can actually hear him, but he says it anyways as he wipes his eyes fervently. “It’s okay.”

He wants to hold you. He wants to reach out and pull you against him and heal every single last wound on your flesh, but he can’t. He doesn’t know where it all hurts, he doesn’t want to move you, he feels like if he presses too hard, you’ll break.

You deserve so much better.

“___,” he reaches out and carefully, oh so softly, touches the side of your face. “Can you hear me?”

Your eyes flicker to his lips, and then his eyes. When you nod, he lets out a breath, not that it makes him feel any better. At least you’re lucid still.

“Can you sit up?” He hates talking to you like a medic, but he needs to help you. You’re still bleeding, your breaths are coming out in wheezes. He wants to know (though he has a good guess) but he can’t focus on that. When you nod, he’s so gentle in helping you upright. Every flinch makes him want to let go. “Please tell me if you want me to stop.”

You don’t tell him yes, but you don’t tell him no either. The condition you’re in makes him feel like he’s going to be sick.

It takes time, but he wipes the red from your face in smooth motions. He can see the worst of it now- split lip, scuffs and bruises surrounding your once bloodied nose. He knows these wounds well, and it makes him want to throw up every last bite of his meal.

You’re watching him with a certain kind of fear. Not quite directly, but definitely there. You aren’t afraid of him, and that’s all that matters.

He wraps you up to the best of his ability, your arms looking more mummified than anything else. You’re not shaking, you still aren’t crying. You stopped meeting his gaze the moment he wrapped your purpled wrists in shame.

“___,” he comes to sit beside you, terrified. “Are you listening to me?”

Silence.

He reaches out tentatively, wraps an arm around your shoulder. “___?”

You… Fall against him. Your head takes a spot against his shoulder limply, and he latches onto you.

Finally, the tears fall as you shake against him.

“I can’t do it,” you sob feebly. “Every day Izuku, I can’t do it.”

“Everyday what?” There’s urgency in his voice. You cry harder.

“I don’t even know what I do wrong anymore he’s just so-… He hates me so much.”

Midoriya remembers seeing him, that darkness in his eyes. His eyes narrow at nothing, his fingers bringing you closer. Despite the agony you try to become closer, you try to hide against him, and he lets you. You weep openly for the first time with your face buried in the crook of his neck.

“I can’t, I can’t, he’ll kill me if I ever come back-” Midoriya’s arms wrap around you. “He hates me so much- He- He said if I come back he won’t hold back-”

“You’re not going back.” He presses his lips to the top of your head and he holds you so fucking close, he shakes just as hard as you do, he feels rage and fear and everything under the sun beneath his skin but he doesn’t dare let you go. “You will not go back to him, do you hear me?”

When you pull away to see his face, he’s crying too. They’re angry tears, he’s furious, but he’s more terrified than anything else.

You feel exposed when his arms leave you but soon enough those scarred hands are on either side of your face, they’re holding you, thumbs swiping softly against your damp cheeks. He doesn’t even bother wiping his own eyes.

“I will never let him hurt you again,” he’s been dying to say it since he connected the dots. “Ever. He’ll have to come through me.”

The way you just crumble to pieces cuts him to the bone. Your wails threaten to wake his mother but he can’t find it in himself to care. Let her wake. Let her see the damage your father has done, let her burn him to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” you sputter, fingers digging into the fabric of his night shirt. “I’m sorry.”

He’s sure that you don’t even know what you’re apologizing for. For never telling him, for lying, for showing up like this, none of it matters to him but it matters to you and he wishes he could take it all way.

But all he can do is pull you against him, chest to chest, wrap his arms around the trembling muscles of your back, and cry, “It’s okay. It’s all okay, don’t you dare think it’s not for even a minute.”

You’re both babbling to each other, you with apologies, him assuring that it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, you’re safe now, he will never touch you again.

Over your shoulder he can see the clock on the wall. It’s 4 now, the two of you have class in the morning, but there isn’t a thing in the world that could pry you off of him. His hands hold too tightly, his arms locked in place.

“Izuku,” you hiccup, and he feels it in his heart. “I don’t wanna go back.”

“You won’t. You’re staying right here.” He buries his face into your hair. “For as long as I’m here I won’t let him hurt you ever again. I love you too much to see you like this.”

I love you too much to see you like this.

At many points of his life, he’s imagined how he would confess to you. Under a sky full of stars, at a beach during fireworks, in the schoolyard on a warm spring day. Never like this, but yet… It feels right. You nod against him, you hear him, still crying.

“Thank you,” you cry, “Please don’t let go of me.”

“Never.” His eyes shut, his hands press flat and smooth over your bruises. “From now on, I’ll always have you. Please just… Just don’t hide from me anymore.”

You shake your head. “Never again. I’m sorry I never told you, I was so scared.”

“Of what? That I wouldn’t believe you?”

“I don’t know, I just…” You sniffle, trying to breathe. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you t-to worry, or to think lesser of me.”

Midoriya shakes his head. “I will never think lesser of you.”

You pull away and wipe your eyes, and then you reach out and wipe his away too. “Do you promise that?”

He nods. “I promise.”

Your head falls, but it’s not tragic. You’re so fucking tired, and he knows this, he knows you’ve been through hell and back. He knows you still have miles of darkness to go. He doesn’t want you to wallow in that, so he reaches out again. It’s not easy maneuvering to lay down, you beside him, on the length of the couch, but he gets it done. Never once do his fingers let you go, even then, tugging against him protectively.

“Your stomach, does it hurt?” He asks, dragging the blanket from the back of the couch.

“Yeah, but…” You shift against him, sniffling once more. “I don’t think anything’s broken. It’s been worse.”

If not for your safety against him, in his arms and on his couch, he would have felt the rage like adrenaline. Just that one line was stronger than any plus ultra move. His lips quiver but he bites it down.

“You’ll be okay,” he whispers as you tuck your head under his chest. “I’ll make sure of it. This will never happen again.”

You murmur a thank you with the quietest voice he’s ever heard. In the morning, he’ll have so much to face. Recovery Girl will have to be filled in, no matter how much you want to move on without a sound. His mother will have to know, though she likely guessed it years ago when she met him.

Midoriya’s hands find the small of your back, and the way you finally relax against him makes him breathe out a sigh of relief. He’ll skip school tomorrow, see Recovery Girl with you, do everything necessary for you to never return to that home ever again.

But for now, he just holds you. He pets the tremors out of your skin, and he matches his breathing with yours, until finally it softens into quiet snores. He kisses the top of your head, and he vows that from that point on, you will never feel this pain ever again.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #x reader #imagine #scenario #angst

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