#it's past one am so i'm allowed 2 post the ' i spent way too much time n had way too much fun detailing this hc meme ' post !

[queerestqueertoeverqueer]

an attempt to summarise my TPOTD thoughts

YAZ/MANDIP:

mandip gill, i love you forever. her acting in the scene where thirteen's hand starts glowing? i will be haunted by that forever, congratulations. girl knows how to cry.

yasmin fucking khan, best companion. BEST companion. she saved the doctor, she got everyone together, she took the lead when she needed to, she piloted the TARDIS when it counted (the fact that she still had her post-it notes 🥺) she really became the doctor when the doctor was gone. loml.

yaz carrying the doctor will never ever stop being so amazing. ever. i'm convinced she kisses thirteen on the cheek also. fight me.

THASMIN:

SPEAKING OF KISSING. there was a noticeable lack of it. to be fair, it wasn't NECESSARY. i do think we, and they, deserved it though. also see this parallel? rude.

i can get over the no-kiss, eventually. i cannot get over the no hug!!!!!

and i ABSOLUTELY CAN NEVER GET OVER the fact that yaz wasn't allowed a proper reason to leave the TARDIS. you know how we've all been saying 'i can't see any reason for yaz to leave the TARDIS willingly', guess what, NEITHER CAN CHIBS!!!! 😭

but seriously, it didn't need much. all it needed was an extra 2 minutes of just thasmin and i'd have nothing bad to say about this episode.

if they'd just added a couple of minutes at the end of yaz explaining to the doctor how much she loves her (onto that in a minute) but how she doesn't feel like she can stay when she'll look at 'MY doctor' and see someone else, especially after the master thing.

MORE THASMIN:

so, i'm actually quite pleased with what thirteen said to yaz. the 'my hearts are so full of love of all of you' was a bit like,,,, yes i know the fam need a shout-out but don't be scared BBC, she's allowed to just love yaz too. same with 'and she is loved', like always it has to be from the fam, not just from yaz.

however, the next line, 'i have loved being with you, yaz' was BRILLIANT. that's the closest we're gonna get for a while to the doctor actually saying 'i love you' and i think yaz understands that too.

what i DIDN'T like was the fact that it didn't go 'i have loved being with you, yaz' 'i love you too, bighead' or something similar. because yaz never got to tell the doctor her feelings. dan did a great job, sure, but she never got to vocalise them, and i wish she did.

sure, she spent the whole episode DEMONSTRATING that she loves the doctor, arguably the whole last 3 seasons. but i wish she'd got to say the words. the opportunity was right there.

REGEN:

the regeneration was beautiful. again, same as with thasmin. what we were given was 10/10, BUT we should have been given a bit more!!! thirteen deserved a slightly longer speech, i don't think it necessarily had to be super long, but maybe a little more than what she got.

her last line was perfect though. i wouldn't change a thing. 'doctor whoever-i-am-next. tag, you're it.' PERFECT thirteen.

her regeneration's tone kept in-line with the past too. the doctor growing up. from ten's 'i don't want to go' to eleven accepting it but being very very sad, to twelve using it as an opportunity to shape his next self, to thirteen not only accepting it, bu embracing it. seeing one last sunrise. taking it as something beautiful. because it was.

CLASSIC STUFF:

THE RETURNING DOCTORS WERE PERFECT. i was worried they wouldn't be able to find a natural way to put returning characters in and it would feel clunky, but it was flawless.

i'd heard rumours about five, six, and seven, but one and eight were totally unexpected. paul mcgann, national treasure. plus jo martin!!!!! she wasn't there for long but it was very her, very badass, plus i loved the fact that it was yaz's idea (more on that later too)

returning companions also, damn. i was not expecting that at all. when i saw graham i was like 'ahhh so this is their big surprise, i'll pretend to be shocked, ahhhhh' BUT THEN. i loved it.

CATBOY RASPUTIN:

ok, it's been long enough. it is time to talk about the master.

flawless. perfect. i genuinely would not change a thing about it. (for now at least, maybe i will when i think about it more)

the rasputin dance break was iconic. there was no need for it. but it was there. it was glorious. i can never listen to rasputin again.

i almost don't care that we didn't get the next doctor in thirteen's outfit, because sacha dhawan in that outfit, earring and all, was spectacular. honestly, brilliant. i didn't think they'd go there but they did.

the concept of the master regenerating into the doctor. o o f . there's some very clever things to be said and meta to be written about that, but i don't have the brainpower rn, so hopefully someone else will.

i will admit, when sacha regenerated into the doctor, my brain immediately went 'fuck, no, we're gonna have a lot less jodie screentime now', but honestly it was okay. the scenes of her with classic doctors plus the hologram stuff made sure she was still around enough.

CATBOY MASTER. ENOUGH SAID.

MISCELLANEOUS OTHER THOUGHTS:

ace and seven getting closure!!!!! yay!!!!!!

the adric mention and 'brave heart, tegan' was lovely

the fact that yaz said to ruth 'the last time i saw you, you were a tour guide in gloucester' was funny. but, it means something quite sad really. the doctor never told her about the timeless child stuff, or division. or if she did, she left out some major details. the end of the vanquishers is one of my favourite scenes, and it's sad that they didn't give her the chance to follow through with 'i want to tell you everything'. but who knows, if big finish wants to give us that one day, i'll be happy.

the hands in the 'you saved my life' scene. stunning. there was no need for the glass though. let them touch BBC it's okay.

yaz carrying the doctor. yeah, i've said it already, but that scene was genuinely stunning.

the doctor seeing yaz's face, smiling, and closing her eyes. she should have said 'my yaz', paralleling the 'my fam' at the end of S12, but sure. in my head, she said it.

thirteen being trapped in the dalek!!!!!!! the clara parallels!!!!!!!!!!!!! when they said 'open the casing' a good 78% of me was going 'cLARA CLARA CLARA CLARA CLARA' but yeah. i liked that.

i realise i haven't said much about jodie (that's a first) and honestly i have nothing more to say that i haven't already said. how can anyone feel anything but love for her. she and mandip are brilliant. easily my favourite actors ever. easily.

they should have kissed man, chibnall you fucking coward.

to summarise: what we got was perfect. i mean, genuinely. like, every scene of that episode, i adored. but there was a 2 minute scene missing. a two minute scene, my version of which i will probably write at some point as i'm sure lots of us will, where yaz explains why she can't stay. they hug, they kiss, they reminisce, and they part.

i liked that they ended on 'let's not say goodbye' though. leaves it open for a yaz return, plus, VERY doctor of her to hate endings, to hate goodbyes. yaz's doctorification came full-circle and it was magnificent.

once again, mandip gill, WHERE did you learn to cry like that.

overall? solid 8.7/10. i can't forgive yaz not getting her proper exit. but i did enjoy what we got. and i miss them and i want them back. she's yaz's doctor, but she's our doctor too.

#thirteenth doctor #the power of the doctor #yasmin khan #the master #dhawan!master #sacha dhawan #jodie whittaker #mandip gill #doctor who #tpotd #dw #thirteen's era #chris chibnall #robin is in mourning :(

[abbinurmel]

I spent the past couple hours tailoring this aimless rant on YT, in response to a person merely saying how much they'd love for a reboot of 'Cow & Chicken' on adult swim, cos they could say whatever they like on there. I posted it here, cos YT doesn't wanna allow me to post anything right now, which is probably for the best.

This is gonna be a dumb rant. I got sucked down a rabbit hole, cos this is a favorite topic of mine to talk about and I'm procrastinating horribly on purpose on a lot of dull paperwork. So strap in before reading my garbage. You're warned now, don't hafta TLDR or whatever, thanks, I already know. …Anyways. For those who care about irrelevant, shitty opinions:…I love Cow & Chicken. A lot. On paper I know exactly why it seems like a great idea to reboot on 'adultswim', purely on the merit they do things more outrageously. I'm certain many would watch this. It's actually kinda weird there hasn't been one yet, when you think about it, given this age of rehashes. It already has the raunchy humor and gross art down, seems like a match made in heaven, right?- It'd be easy too, "Cow & Chicken" wasn't exactly lavishly drawn or had a big cast. Well… Much as I think there could be a slim possibility of it happening, for it to be good, and IF they do good, to be wildly entertaining…I don't think "Cow & Chicken" is going to ever get actually rebooted. And I don't think it benefits from being rebooted, either, which is really the only reason you should try to reboot things ever in the first place. The lore of an IP needs to benefit in being revisited, somehow, and ESPECIALLY, SPECIFICALLY, if brought back for adults. It is very unlikely gonna be executed right, ironically BECAUSE of this show's already semi-adult nature. And the reasons why, is endemic to why a whole lot of current modern shows, and movie/live action series remakes, are suffering too. -And no, it is NOT due to the reasons some of you're likely thinking of. It is NOT cos of any tired old: "things are just too safe and WOKE /PC culture now!" theories. (That sort of affair is highly subjective/means basically nothing or very different things to different people. Pretty impossible to gauge due to how all over the place/ludicrously out of touch with general fans censors and networks can be, no matter what their political leanings or personality is. Which can and do range all over the place. So I won't go into that topic as it's an entirely different problem to what I am talking about. Plus I was there for the 80s and 90s, its pretty silly to say we can not get away with any wild things these days, cos let me assure you, by comparison, there is a LOT technically more we CAN do and say now, in both kid's and adult shows, that would never get by in a million years 30 years ago. You couldn't even just say the word 'kill', 'poop' or 'die' then, most the time. Let that sink in.)

…See to me, if it ironically hadn't ever been restrained by censors/made for kids, C&C might've been NOWHERE as good. Like. At all. It might've actually been one of the worst CN shows aired. Just 100% annoying gross-out show laziness, like a lot of shows of its era. The main reason it didn't flop was cuz 1) duh, Charles Adler, the main voice, and 2) it did its 'thing' the way original 'Ren & Stimpy' did. It didn't beat for beat copy them. Their writing/visuals just simply knew how to cross the line JUST enough, keeping the raunchy humor tucked in JUST as far as they could push it, but knew also on the whole how to always stay utterly light hearted, simple and goofy. That's where its core identity is. It's the dumb blithe enthusiastic Innocence of pretty much the entire cast, and the goofy simplicity of the plots/gags, while they get to say out the side of the mouth much more 'mature' sinister things….It works purely b/c of that contrast; sometimes with innuendo being camoflauged extremely subtly, sometimes NOT subtly at all. -But it would always go ping-ponging gracefully between the two. Never too much Idiotically Innocent, or too Smugly Adult and Crass. It would do this, with actual wit. It didn't JUST have gross visuals or say dirty jokes. It did all this with a theatrical, self-known flair. Shows like C&C and its fellow Golden Age shows basically are very good at doing what franchises like Monty Python were known for, and what Regular Show and Gravity Falls and similar would do later on, just with more visual ugliness.

…Meanwhile, a lot of other 1990's/current shows DO NOT have this memo. They do not have that balance, they lack the awareness of what is the difference between 'sneaking in occasional very dirty jokes with wit' and "throwing every and any kinda joke at a wall and not even bothering to look at what sticks." A LOT of 'gritty comedy parody reboot' things are doing this, and also doing this same idea just with the "dramatic tropes" instead of comedic tropes too. ….Including Ren & Stimpy itself. -Once 'The Ren & Stimpy Show' moved to SpikeTV, they went fully 'adult', and by direct result went 1000% downhill. I don't ascribe that to just poor writing(the original has flat stupid writing too), or ugly looking animation (so is the original). Not even John K.'s…ahem, history. If you fixed his behavior, and abusive attitude; made all his notoriously horrible bad jokes tamer, I still think 'Adult Party' would've tanked, because doing this concept in of itself is a fool's errand. It's not just rebooting nostalgic childhood IPs that's the problem, but specifically attempting to repackage something that was already a mild bit 'tawdry', so now that it is INTENTIONALLY for adults only. Whenever the entertainment industry does that 'gritty effect', be it games or movies or Netflix or comic books, it's 8/10 doomed, because you essentially neutered the core joke or appeal. You've taken away the cool 'taboo' point of saying hidden naughty/clever things, in a story you're not SUPPOSED to. You're able to state and do whatever you want, and so there's not only no leash to hold down any of the weaker ideas, there's almost no "rebellious challenge" to its bite whatsoever, even when those jokes/story ideas succeed. Noone is gonna be shocked or laugh nearly as much when a Red Guy says "KISS MY ASS!" unironically in an adultswim show, as they would if he says "KISS MY ASS!!!!!!….-Her name is GERTRUDE! :D" -and then happily pulls onstage a donkey wearing a big bowtie in on a rope, because this renders it now a pun and technically 'child safe' to flaunt now. (This isn't a real joke from the show btw, I'm only making this up for convenience. But you get the idea. It's the precise sort of silly thing you know he'll do. :P )

Neither the audience nor execs are 'prey' anymore for the writers to be creatively poking the boundaries with, when you remove that expectation. It's different if your IP started with an already adult geared story to begin with, but, when it's a full on polar opposite shift in tone and/or age demographics like that, it's almost always pulled off in a confused messy way, because even the original work's creators themselves, (IF they're even kept around, or are familiar with the source material if they are new), are trapped now in completely unfamiliar territory. Without a deeply wild reinventing of the show's lore or main tenets(a thing which nobody has ever been upset by on the internet!), it usually doesn't have anything else to stand on, especially with a purely episodic comedy show, like Cow and Chicken is. Once you take out this 'vulnerability' in our dynamic, between child/censor guardians, and writers, this main core joke of not knowing what the writers are and are NOT actually going to get away with is gone, and so much of the stakes now is irreversibly lost. Sometimes being hidden from the details is what makes a gag all the more funnier, or a scary scene all the scarier, or a cringe scene all the cringier. If we take away this, things lack a lot more of the colorful shock & ridiculousness. The main DNA in these classic "deranged shows", like Ed, Edd n Eddy, Ren&Stimpy, Rocko and C&C, that a lot of nostalgic fans, and current show-runners often alike forget; is the simple fact that such shows had to weigh the balance of: 'being a sincere kid show' and 'trying to get away with something they're not supposed to'. …With very deep emphasis on the words: "GET AWAY WITH". To me, a show is not getting "away" with something good, be it a message, a joke, a deeper sense of drama, if you constantly always spell it out for us, and we know you lose nothing and have to take no creative risk by displaying it for the audience. You're not really earning a prize, if someone just right at the start, hands you a medal. In other words….Every good memorable/subversive classic cartoon show, is not beloved just because they got to have crazy visuals, or say and do unhinged jokes. …You needed to be MEMORABLY STRANGER for having those qualities, in the first place. If you do something unhinged and bizarre, but coming in I expect to see it, is it really an unhinged show?

See, there's a reason why most of the frequent reboots of Scooby Doo like 'Velma' atrociously fail. And it's not because they changed someone that was formerly white, or made someone like Shaggy have a different name, or backstory. Or even because they overhauled an old wholesome character into a rude, toxically mean, judgemental unpleasant character. Yes this does affect some tastes, but on the whole, that wasn't the core problem for most watchers. LOADS of shows have a morally awful, pompous, or an incompetent, chaotic mess for a central protagonist, or reinvent them in some way if they come from an old property. Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law, and Space Ghost Coast to Coast did more or less exactly what "Velma" does, where they took an old IP and completely transformed their roles/upgraded their style of humor for a more adult audience. Rick & Morty has a toxic main protagonist. South Park has four of them. Family Guy and American Dad has them, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, The Sopranos, the list goes on. Even kid shows do this, and sometimes get away with it well too: Dan Versus did it well so did Ren and Stimpy, again, back when it understood how it worked. Having a mean protag or changed fundamentals, isn't why so many reboots don't work. …What happens with bad modern remakes of Scooby Doo, (and not just in shows like Velma), is often that they forget how to make things have that beautiful sense of contrast, that Cow and Chicken does, in its writing. They do not know how to both show this is a show rooted in something sincere, WHILE ALSO saying outrageously dirty/surreal/mean/pompous or dark things inside that vessel. The appreciation for the context of its background, is what makes shows like 'Mystery Inc.' and 'Zombie Island' work, while Velma and other SBs, do not. If we took Cow & Chicken, stripped it of it's irony, what else do we have except yet another dime a dozen weaker show, constantly going 'haha, me say the rude words!/do the gross bad thing again!' adult oriented show, with no fangs? Another exhausting reboot, which takes yet another unoriginal idea, robs its reputation, and wastes our time? …There's a way to do this kind of thing right. I just do not think most people, not even some of the most talented in the business, have the freedom or ability to do so. Not even Samurai Jack, a legend of an animated program, escaped this 'update it for adults!' treatment unscathed. If you're gonna update something for adults, you really have to think about WHY it was good in the first place. Not take just what you had, and stamp lots of expletetives or flashes of red to indicate actual blood on there. You need either to actually SAY something, completely useful and different, or, just stick to your guns with the old formula, and do it so well it exceeds the hype for the original. Which is also near being impossible to do. Hence, it begs the question, why do it at all?

…Sorry for this TEDTalk, I just love being an absurd mess at 2AM when I have better more boring adult things to do.

#cow and chicken #reboot #cartoon network #90s cartoons #nostalgia #gritty #updates #entertainment industry #remakes #old tv shows #essays #analogies #hyperfixation #adhd brain #adhd brain is at it againnnnnn #bogleech #ren and stimpy #nickelodeon #subversive #humor writing #innuendo #dirty jokes #the red guy #In all honesty I find that donkey joke great if I do say so myself #scoob #scooby gang #velma #adult swim #2d animation #END

[lunardeao3]

No, I won't post updates of Downfall until Sunday 4th of December. This is the reason why 👇🏼

I chose to participate to the No Post November strike alongside many authors in solidarity with everyone who has been the victim of censorship and harassment these past few weeks. I hesitated a lot before posting this because I didn't know if it was my place to speak up about the ongoing issue in the fandom or not considering I'm just a small author and thankfully I haven't been the target of anything as dreadful as this yet but also I think this isn't about popularity but humanity or especially the lack of humanity the fandom is showing towards authors. We are humans just like you, we are not robots and we definitely don't owe you anything. If I want to post 2 chapters in a week and then nothing the next week, then this is on me. Do not read WIP if you can't stand the uncertainty coming along with it because that's on you, not on me. I believe it shouldn't be normal to turn our hobby into something that it wasn't supposed to be in first place and pressuring authors into supplying the fandom with content. I consider AO3 to be like a little window to my mind, a little window behind which I allow you to take a look at what my brain made up but you can't touch and edit in no way. You don't have that power, this isn't your place to. This is my work and it belongs to me and in no way readers should have the right to have a go at me because I wrote something they didn't like. (And no, I am not talking about something harmful but about the plot of the fic, generally speaking). In my opinion, the issue is something everyone should address no matter how many hits they get on their work(s) because it is literally slowly killing the fandom. Now, more than ever the community should be united against the violence constantly thrown at the authors' faces. So many authors felt forced to leave the fandom the past months, so many left without even getting the opportunity to tell the story they had spent so much time building and sharing with us because of the unnerving amount of hate they received. The truth is: being an author in the Marauders Fandom — especially the Jegulus fandom — is honestly torturous sometimes.

As a smaller author I think it is important to address the problem because it also impacts me and my writing, my mental health and it ignites my insecurities to the point writing becomes harder someday and it is sometimes even a source of anxiety which is not okay. Writing is probably the best thing I have in my life and I hate feeling nervous about the reactions I could get depending on how people would interpret a chapter I wrote. It's not the common nervousness when you share something with a community and you wait for feedback, no. It's literally fear of being bullied over something I may have written because people don't know how to address issues, concerns or divergence of opinion without immediately getting hateful. I personally never have experienced anything too bad thus far and I truly hope it'll remain the same for a while longer but I've witnessed it too many times recently, it makes me sick to my stomach. I've seen bigger authors receiving death threats and hateful comments/messages during the past few weeks. I've also seen a sickening amount of people gathering to bully them online sometimes. This getting out of hand and this is absolutely awful.

What the fuck?

What truly astonishes me is that people are fighting authors about ridiculous stuff mostly such as headcanons, ships, characterisations (yes Evan Rosier can be a fucking sunshine or darker than a hurricane because the man didn't live during the Harry Potter era and we don't know shit about him, so any headcanons are valid as long as they're not harmful, no you can not tell me Regulus is too dark or not dark enough either because I am the one writing his character, this is my fic and this is how I perceive him so I'm just going to write him exactly how I want to and that's it) or the way they told their stories — which belong to no one but them.

The recent events made me feel insecure about posting during two weeks, I eventually posted but only because I love my fic and the story I tell so I wanted to share but this is getting impossible to ignore the elephant in the room anymore. The thing is that I hate feeling like I have to tiptoe around certain topics when I write. I used to write chapters for myself, they came out as I imagined them and now I feel pressured into censorship. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how many times I rewrite and reread a chapter before posting it just to make sure I wouldn't offense somebody and get targeted. I always try to diminish the impact of heavy scenes by avoiding describing them or only partially when I particularly enjoy descriptions and studying the complex feelings resulting from traumatic experiences. I believe those are important enough to be discussed — especially in a fic based on Sirius and Regulus growing up and going through literally hell. Yet I feel forced to carefully pick my words and to censor myself while describing those traumatic situations because I am afraid of how they could be perceived. If it was just about that, I believe it wouldn't matter that much but the thing is I use my fic to cope with my personal traumas (not in a very weird way but more like seeing those characters reacting to things I can relate to help me, I feel less alone with the struggles then) and I know that I am not the only one doing that which makes it only sadder to think our safe escape suddenly became anything but safe.

(Also, while I'm at it, let's take a minute to talk about Regulus please. What the fuck is wrong with people?? I have read so many fics before I began writing mine and I had never found one fic where the PoVs were from both Regulus and Sirius so I thought it would be cool to explore it the way I do in Downfall except I didn't expect the whole gatekeeping thing around Regulus?? Why would you do that?? I am sincerely confused as to why people decided Regulus had to be a certain way and this way only).

Anyway, I made the decision to participate to the No Post November because I believe our silence would speak louder than our words. Zar, Mots, Soph, and many other authors already tried to bring awareness to the issue yet nothing has changed, if anything it worsened. I believe going on strike could make a difference, I hope so at least because if that doesn't work then I am very pessimistic about the future of the fandom. Pushing authors out of the fandom is the biggest counterproductive thing to do for they're literally the ones keeping the fandom alive — them among any other creators sharing their content to the fandom. Also, I know this is supposed to be just about Jegulus but I made the decision not to post any updates for Renegade during November. I'll post the next chapter on the 1st of December and not before.

That being said, do not bully anyone who would decide not to join the movement, this is perfectly okay and their reasons don't need to be voiced. No one owe you anything, especially not an explanation as to way they decided not to participate. Anyone can decide whether or not they want to join, it's a personal choice which shouldn't be forced upon anyone.

Be gentle and take care of yourself 🦋

#no post november #jegulus author strike

[butch-reidentified]

Also where would you draw the line on transition surgeries? I’m reading about a case of ftm facial masculinisation surgery and omg. I think at one point it becomes less about treating dysphoria and more of a cosmetic surgery addiction. Of course I don’t blame the people getting these procedures done on them, but there are plenty of unhealthy mindsets at play and to me it seems it would be better to forgo trans surgery altogether than allow anyone to get on that slippery slope.

I agree with this but I really don't have the emotional energy to respond to the multiple long asks you just sent, just gonna do this one since it's the one i read first. As I mentioned a couple times before, today is the Pulse anniversary and I am never myself on or around this date & the very last thing I need is to bicker with other feminists today. I'm sorry & I don't mean to be disrespectful but I'm not gonna respond to all these asks right now & can't guarantee I'll have that energy anytime soon.

The only thing I'm gonna say on this is that my personaly experience of chest dysphoria was very much the same before and after I learned that surgery for it existed & I've heard a few stories or transsexual males wanting or even trying to remove their own genitalia at a young age (like 12 or 13) and that was well before these surgeries were common knowledge. & after having my own mastectomy, I have not had any desire whatsoever to get further surgery and actually for some reason my insecurities about my nose completely vanished. It's been almost 2 years since my mastectomy and I have loved my nose the whole time, whereas I used to use masking during covid as an excuse to cover it bc I hated it so much. It was the only thing that therapy didn't fix from my body image issues, and also something that helps me see clearly that my sex dysphoria is absolutely nothing like body image issues.

With my dysphoria there's absolutely no image/appearance aspect to it at all. I don't give a shit what my chest LOOKS like, I cared that it PHYSICALLY felt like a prosthetic glued to my chest no matter how much therapy I did. My nose I just found fucking hideous and hated it being seen or photographed or anything. My bottom dysphoria is just this uncomfortable feeling that there's a dick n balls there, but there isn't 🤷 I'm not interested in surgery for that - it's way too risky and intensive.

I know TIMs who obviously have body dysmorphic disorder and a plastic surgery addiction, and definitely confuse that with dysphoria. But I think what this ask is overlooking is the fact that the feeling that led me to get surgery & the feeling that leads many others to get these surgeries isn't the same for everyone. I think there's a divide between people with sex dysphoria whose sex characteristics *physically* feel like the opposite sex & people who want to look like the opposite sex and have body dysmorphia. Unfortunately sometimes (often) there's overlap, but the venn diagram is not a circle.

I think in most cases it would be better to forgo surgery altogether, yeah. I def agree with that. But there are extreme dysphoria cases where I have seen with my own eyes people whose lives have truly improved and dysphoria truly alleviated by it. They move past that transitioning stage, typically assimilate into the opposite sex group socially, and move on and live a very normal life. Unfortunately this isn't the majority of trans identifying people anymore, but they still exist. As I mention in my top surgery post, I spent years in therapy to address other, potentially related, issues and verify that I was ready and equipped to make the choice to have surgery. I didn't have any mental illnesses by the time I had surgery. Even my PTSD from Pulse, which is completely unrelated and came about after I was already considering surgery, was managed to below clinically diagnostic levels.

I think harm reduction is, as in most cases, simply the best approach. Banning things/encouraging abstinence only never works - drugs, sex, guns, etc. are all examples of this. There are many more too. I truly think a harm reduction approach to education on transition and trans surgeries would be WAY more beneficial and successful. And I think people would be far more likely to listen to that approach too.

#ask #mine #long post #text post #trans surgery #sex dysphoria #dysphoric radfem

[caatws]

I wanted to say I think you have some of the most detailed and well thought out opinions of vol 3 that I have seen. You do a good job of not ignoring the good while also not pretending the movie was flawless. It's very refreshing.

I'm still working on all of my opinions of the movie and one thing I'm becoming more settled on is that the movie suffered from wanting to have its cake and eat it too. Gamora's death and the ways her past self can't easily fall back on what was got a lot of attention during some scenes. Then in other scenes her death was side stepped to point out that technically she's still here and not all is lost. This was used the most when it came to characters who weren't Peter. I certainly am no expert but I think there were better ways to connect those two points. There is a loss worth grieving and feelings that need to be worked through as a team even as they gradually embrace a new situation. That would have required more time be spent and story dedicated to that plot and easy or not I think that should have been done.

The same issue existed for the non existent exploration of how 5 years after the snap things would be really different. Not sure if you watched The Falcon and The Winter Soldier or Hawkeye but both those shows did a better job than vol 3 at not pretending nothing happened. The new Ant-man movie with all it's mess didn't pretend the snap was easy either. I love the guardians and I love the family theme but the family had been through the most difficult struggle ever and was disrupted in pretty hard hitting ways that there was no way to easily bounce back from. Most of them missed 5 years, Gamora was dead, others experienced the reality of what was essentially a post apocalyptic world. At the end Nebula got her sister back in a way where her sister basically lost some of their most crucial bonding years and she couldn't share with anyone she was keeping up with her. There was so much about all of this that needed exploration. I did appreciate Peter's mental state was terrible and the film didn't joke around about it. But that was the only sign IW or EG had taken place for these characters. It made no sense. In fact the movie played vague about Gamora experiencing Endgame and that was the whole plot around which she returned.

AHHH THANK YOU ANON 🫶🏼😭 i do still love this franchise and all these characters with all my heart, so i want to still give credit where credit is due when i can! (i also am thinking of rewatching vol 3 for the first time this weekend since my initial watch like 2 weeks ago, and i'm eager to better see the forest for the trees and pay less attention to the gamora situation and more attention to everything else in the film, bc there were some things that i did rly like!!!)

re: the ways gamora's death was handled differently scene to scene, i agree!!! i also think a way that these differing reactions between the characters could've been better connected is by having that be a more prominent conflict between the characters from start to finish. like it's already kinda established at the beginning that peter grieving is disrupting the team, but i feel like we could've done more with that throughout the film. and rather than have it be peter vs everyone else, it would've been interesting to see how each character individually may have been at different points in their grief journey. but i understand that a rocket backstory-centric film is not gonna allow much room for That much exploration between the characters

also yeah the way post-endgame content has been handling the snap has been one of my biggest criticisms of phases 4 and 5 so far. i did watch tfatws and hawkeye and you're right that those are the only shows that have rly addressed things (and of course quantumania touched on it a fair amount) - and tbh, hawkeye is the only phase 4 project that i felt like i came away from it with a genuinely better understanding of the snap with it showing yelena's pov of getting snapped and then coming back. we definitely needed something to that emotional extent for gotg at some point, whether it be here or the holiday special - something that rly showed how much the snap disrupted their lives and fucked up both those who were snapped and those who were just stuck living in the apocalypse for 5 years. (i also would've loved to see more of how it affected rocket especially, considering his arc in vol 2)

at this point, now that we have phases 4 and some of 5, to me it almost feels like the snap was done all wrong lol. like what was the point of making it 5 years long if it we weren't gonna get to see the actual full impact of it on the characters, especially the ones who lived through the 5 years? the only characters' experiences we rly got to see in depth were the core 6 avengers in endgame...meanwhile, rocket was left as the SOLE member of his team (bc nebula wasn't even technically a guardian yet in 2018) and nebula lost her sister in a super traumatic way. LIKE ARE ROCKET AND NEBULA OKAY LMAO???

similarly, if the mcu wasn't ready to actually handle the implications and the fallout of the circumstances of gamora's death, it shouldn't have done it lmao. like don't dish what you can't take. don't make huge universe-altering and character-devastating story moves if you're not even going to give them the depth they deserve

#ask #gotg #gotg vol 3 spoilers #gamora #the gamora situation

[kun-summacumlaude]

SUMMA CUM LAUDE? #18

I'm keeping my word, it's about 3 weeks since my last post and I'm already working on the next one.

Hello Peoples

So I've been telling everyone this is week 3 but for some reason I'm the only one that believes the convocation week (week 1) counts. Anyhoo, today is day 3 of week 2, and I've had only two actual classes. I should have stayed at home, but that's too late now.

Just to give a little update on how the semester started for me. I resumed last week (my own week 2) because I spent all of convocation on completing Breaking Bad. But last week I moved to anime, I thought being in school would get me serious again but that didn't work. What finally did the job was having my first lecture (online) but she was so serious about the class that I got serious right after that class.

The engineering student, Kunle, is back. *Sheds tears from suffering*. I already want to go home, I'm looking forward to the short election break. I hope it's like one week long. Jaja is as Jaja as ever and I want to go home for a breather. It seems I didn't fully recover from the intensity of the final push last semester until this week. I was so tired last week and I struggled to sit down and study for a significant amount of time. Feb 1.

Omo nawa o, February 16 today and I am very tired of school. Election break is three weeks long (God is good). I honestly cannot wait to go home, it's almost like I've pulled the student plug in me. My plan was to move with each lecturer as the classes commenced, this has worked well so far except in 3 courses where I have a lot of questions to solve. Last time I posted I hadn't seen any of my second semester results but as at the time I started this post I had seen about 1 or 2 but now I've seen 6.

Year 2, 2nd Semester SCL ?

6/6 As. Four to go, I'm hopeful. Super hopeful. Getting a 5.00 SGPA would be lovely. Regardless, these results are the Grace of God because three of those six As were a huge relief considering how the tests and exams went. I wanted to keep mum about the results until I saw everything but I want to take you through my emotions. Current mood: happy but slightly anxious.

Let me quickly return to present academics. After 6pm, it is such a struggle to study. Most of these past weeks I have slept off, achieving nothing in the evening and at night. 6pm I get dinner, after that I either go back to my room or the office and so far neither location has done the job for me. I really wish the library was 24/7 and allowed us take our stuff in. Currently , there's no toilet there, 9pm closure is way too early and not having my stuff with me inside is a problem. Sometimes you can't even charge your devices and all of my stuff is digital, doesn't work at all for me. I'm sure I've mentioned this before though, maybe in a much earlier post. I'll stop here for now, I really hope they release my the rest of my results before we go home for the election break. I want to know my cgpa while I'm grinding at home. Oh yes, my plan for the election break is to come back way ahead in all of the courses, so help me God.

Election Break

March 25, 2023. I returned from the election break on the 21st, the break about a month long. Nothing has changed, reading past 6pm is still a struggle, the four results left to see have still not been released and this most disappointing of all is that the only grinding I did at home was grind in my Clash of Clans. I'm even in a worse position now than I was before the break but I guess I have two months to get things in order. My election break would have gone well but I spent all four weeks worrying about how I was going to write a term paper on a course we hadn't had a single lecture on. That totally destabilised me and I lost all of my focus. An experience to learn from and navigate better in times to come because I'm sure another lecturer will give us a ridiculous assignment. That assignment was actually so ridiculous in hindsight, but I allowed it to have too much control over my actions during the break. To be fair to myself, I was very much invested in both elections and that itself was another distraction from grinding academically. I want to be in a good position academically so I can take out some time to participate in the next edition of ULES Games Festival so I'm ready to get the job done this semester by God's grace.

ULES GAMES FESTIVAL

We didn't have this last session because of covid, the strike and renovations for NUGA 2022. But this session it happened, and it just got concluded today. Metallurgical and Materials Engineering won more medals than any other department, congratulations to them. I only attended physically on the penultimate day but I absolutely enjoyed myself because I love sports. At some point I felt sad because one of my plans upon getting into university was to participate in sports. So far, I have done close to nothing in that area, and it made me sad, but I'll work towards it for 300 Level.

Academics

The next line of action is to assess the course outline and ascertain how bad things are, then improve on everything. I mean, what other approach is there to take?

I don't know if I should still wait for those results or just post. We'll find out eventually.

April 4, 2023

6.33PM, I'm at shop 10 eating my dinner when I open the class and see a text from Toki: "Results are out on lagmobile For those interested". Every rate in my body went up. To finish that food was a challenge, I kept on asking myself if I should check the results right there in shop 10 or wait until I got back to my room in Jaja. I eventually decided on the latter.

7.17PM, I open lagmobile to check my results. I quickly scanned through all the grades and didn't see a single B or C, at that moment it dawned on me. 5.0 SGPA!!!! SUMMA CUM LAUDE-ESQUE SEMESTER!!! It honestly felt surreal at that moment. I was like GOD! WOW! A 5.0 in a semester that felt so terrible for most of it, unbelievable scenes mehn. All Glory to God, because I cannot do such on my own, I would be a dirty liar if I said I could. I want to encourage you to trust in God when you pray, no matter how what kind of circumstances you're praying under, those things do no limit God. Today is April 8 but I'm typing like it's 4th, I just realised hehe. I'm reliving the moment; it was just such a good feeling inside of me. It's really lovely to achieve your goals, whew. More to come deo volente.

I guess that wraps up the first semester of 200 level, it was a lengthy ride to be honest. This wrap up is quite deep into second semester. Let me just mention that Dr. Ibhaze has come again, he gave us a test on physical electronics (EEG 226), 10 marks and we didn't know what to write. We can't catch a break with him, but I don't believe he'll use that test anyways, hopefully I'm not wrong (very hopefully).

For ease of calculating my cgpa, let me put the scores of each semester here. LevelSemester: TotalScore-TotalUnits Yr1S1: 66-14, Yr1S2: 78-16, Yr2S1: 100-20. CGPA moves from 4.80 to 4.88 (Huge!)

There's are so many social events going on in school at the moment, it's so easy to waste your time and then end up failing your tests. Dear reader, you cannot be everywhere. I won't say snub all events but be very picky with the ones you attend, select a few (very few o ejoor) and ignore the rest. You don't have that much time especially if you're behind in some courses. Don't set yourself up for struggle.

I'll end this post that has been pending for too long here, next time I'll probably have written a few tests, I pray I return to you with good news. Thank you and bye bye :)

Check the date I made this note:

God is good !

[hannahleekuhn]

It's been a year.

I wrote a post last year that ended with "I hope that the next time I write on here I have news of feeling lifted up and have smiled more than I have frowned. If it’s another 2 years before I do that so be it. I am only human. "

The answer is actually.....yes.

I do feel lifted up and I am aware that I smile more than I frown.

When I was a kid I wrote things down in notebooks all the time. Whether it was journaling or making up song lyrics or doodling, I constantly had notebooks thrown about in my bag and room. The thoughts that were in my head always found a way out and I made room for them to do so. I can't say I was judgement free as a handful of journal entries may have some memories skewed to be rose tinted, but all-in-all I still got a lot of info out.

This year I decided to journal again. I'm not sticking to writing once a day because that's WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE for myself. Zero to 100 only works for some people. Me personally: absolutely not. I am however, proud of the fact that I have written a total of 11 pages and I started on Jan 25th 2023. One month and 11 pages down, with that average I might actually write over 50 pages this year. Which will be the first year in over 10 years that I will accomplish a self goal of that size for writing for myself alone.

I do have scattered pages from 6 different journals through out the years and poems written on my phone notes, that show some insight to my state of mind these past 10 years. And maybe that has to do with my state of mind when I stopped writing regularly. That I didn't like my thoughts so much and so I kept them in.

Now as I'm about to turn 30, I find it very freeing to just write exactly what I think. If I am angry I just say so. If I'm sad, I let myself be present in that feeling. In fact on a journal entry dated on the 3rd of February I spent half a page talking about how I don't like the gel pen I'm using to write because it's super hard to stay neat in my lettering and not slip into half cursive/half printed every other word. Which was exactly what I was frustrated with. Happy in my day, frustrated with a pen for making my page look sloppy.

When I read that page back now I have a huge grin on my face because HOW SILLY. I'm not an insta famous bullet journaling mastermind, nobody but me will see my page and yet for a whole page I was worried about my penmanship. That's the most honest truth I could have written about. Nothing in my life was as frustrating as a gel pen and that is a FREAKING BLESSING.

I am doing so well. I feel guilty for that when I hear friends or family struggling with things because I actually think I have my shit together for the first time in YEARS.

I have an apartment that feels home when I walk in the door, a husband who loves my full self at my best and absolute worst, a job I feel confident about, and a blooming new outlook on life.

Sure there are things I am working on. I'm still in and out of therapy and constantly growing to forgive myself and love myself authentically, AND I do feel like for the first time in awhile I'm meeting myself exactly where I am and just rolling with it.

I'm not trying to force myself to be or say or feel anything. I'm just allowing myself the space to exist.

And that is a beautiful fucking place to be.

*a blog post I wrote in 2017 for work called "Adjust your gratitude" helps remind me of all the good on days I struggle. If you need a gentle reminder, that's a 5 minute activity that can really help. https://www.soul-flower.com/blog/adjust-your-gratitude/

#selflove #turning30

[alchemt]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑  𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓   .

repost ,     don’t reblog ,     please    ! 

BASICS.

full name.   varian of old corona   ! nickname.   v ,   goggles ,   hairstripe ,   vari  . gender.   cis male   (  he  /  his  ) height.   5′0″ age.   17 in canon verse ,   varies within others   !   zodiac.   aries sun ,    libra moon ,    pisces rising  . spoken languages.   drums my hands on the table ,   you got a dead language and something translatable and this kid learns it within a few weeks ,    easy ,    so we’re sorting demantius’ dialect in here ,   but i’d say both the dialects of the inner  +  outer parts of the kingdom  !    (    i’ll talk a lil more specifically ab this in accent  !    )    maybe a smattering of words n phrases of languages found in the other kingdoms ,   due to his work that has all kinds of people coming to him for alchemic assistance ,  as well as being an outskirt village  !

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color.   black w/ brown highlights and a teal stripe  !   eye color.   blue   ! skin tone.   very light and very very fair ,    burns within a few hours of being outside in the summer sun ,    but before that ,    freckles  ! ! ! accent.   the tts  -  english version of what was most likely a version of an early nineteenth century germanic dialect by the coast   !     i would also reach to say that it’s probably audibly different from what is usually spoken within corona’s main city   /   citadel ,    due to the distance between main and old corona ,    there’s probably a different dialect for those living on the far reaches of the kingdom outskirts  !    voice.   usually very pronounced ,   very loud ,   and very fast ,   depending on whether he’s talking ab his work or not .    either way ,    it’s prone to cracking .   his brain tends to work faster than his mouth ,   so there’s a lot of repetition and backtracking as well  !   dominant hand.   ambidextrous  !    he’s confident enough w/ pouring chemicals with both hands ,   and his staff switches between right and left constantly .   it doesn’t look like he prioritizes towards one over another ,   usually using the one that feels right in the moment .   posture.    absolutely  horrendous  !    literally you will always find him slouching over notes and various versions of work ,    falling asleep in bad positions over his workstations ,    and w/ working his way around machinery   ––   hanging over and around gently dangerous and in - progress kinds of equipment and chemical machinery does  not  always equal the best of results for one’s muscles and posture    ––    but   !     ruddiger  is actually a really wonderful addition to the family here w/ this ,    a welcome weight on his shoulders ,   which also serves to remind him to straighten up   (   in more ways than one  🥺   )   ! scars.   lots of chemical burn scarring   !     alchemy is an incredibly dangerous practice ,    and vari is  not  one to stick to a safety protocol on his own volition ,     like  a  whole  entire  fool  ,   so there’s lots of burnt clothes and burn scars    ––   the gloves were most likely a  gift  from his father ,    as soon as there had been a few accidents leading to some permanent markings on his hands ,    the same w/ the apron .    i do like to think he makes his own goggles ,   though ,    i.e.  why he has  so  many  of them to go around   !   tattoos.   n/a in most verses ,    but i love the idea of him getting one to tie back to all the work he’s done w/ the demanitus legend   /   language when he’s older   !  birthmarks.   hmmm .    i may come back to this at a later point ,    but for now let’s say if there are some ,   they’ve been marked over by other scars .  most noticeable feature(s).   teal hair stripe ,    gigantic goggles ,   some article of clothing is always slightly singed   (   or still on fire ,   please let him know asap   !    )  .  

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.   old corona  ! birth weight.   most likely underweight . birth height.   small ,   tiny ,   it sticks w/ him ,   the poor kid  !   first words.   blue  !     siblings.   none   !    can’t vouch for canon here ,   but i’m going to go with historical accuracy here and say his mother died due to sickness when vari was still a baby . parents.   quirin  ( father ) ,   a woman who wasn’t given a name bc tts is Like That™  ( mother ) parental involvement.   being son to the leader of the village isn’t always .   super  great   !   there’s a lot of interactions between them that lean into the thinking that there’s a .   stilted kind of relationship between them ?    (    think .    that is enough ,     varian     /     yes ,   sir .       think .     not again  ,    varian  .     think .    you are not ready .    )    running a village is a busy enough position to be in ,    let alone one in the middle of a crisis  ,     and it doesn’t feel like there’s much time left ,   or  prioritized ,   in either of those times  ,    to develop a relationship w/ vari  ?     i can’t imagine that the loss of his mother really .    helps  ?    there’s so much  hurt  there ,    you can see it when quirin looks at the portrait in qfad ,    and so they’re very distanced due to just .    not knowing how to reach one another  ?    there’s always something ,   too big to cross ,    too far to reach .    so much of varian’s story is trying to get his father to  see  him ,   to be proud of him ,   and it reflects so much onto .   quirin’s absence  ?    in vari’s work ,    in his interests ,   in  him   ?    and in wanting that ,   needing that emotional relationship more than anything else  ?    feels like enough to drive him to uh     .  .  .     doing A Lot™ to get it .   

ADULT LIFE.

occupation.   " wizard “  of old corona   →    alchemist   →    co-lady-in-waiting   (  The Best Day ,    you will never be able to pry this title away from him   )    →    the gentle villain stint    →    redeemed alchemist     →    most trusted royal engineer of corona   !   current residence.   old corona   !    depending on verse he also travels ,   and lives within the citadel to be close to the official castle lab  !   close friends.   ruddiger ,   rapunz.el ,   cassandra ,   eugene ,   lance  . financial status.   as son as the leader of a village ,   i’d say middle class ,   esp. since they’re living in an outskirt town ,   it isn’t much ?    a lot of varian’s experiments come from deconstructing old ones to reuse and rebuild from scraps .   he def sews their clothes back into working order as well   !    driver’s license.   not exactly modern ,    but he  can  fly a hot air balloon  !    that’s pretty vehicular   !    no license tho bc he’s .   gotta rebel in the ways that he still can  !   criminal record.   pulls out a scroll that rolls down the whole expanse of the throne room    :     “  attacking  “   princess rapunz.el on the night of the snowstorm ,   drugging an entire castle staff w/ laced cookies ,   assisting   +   instigating in the theft of herz der sonne's journal ,   assisting   +   instigating the plan to break into the castle vaults ,   stealing the sundrop flower   (    +   later destroying it    ) ,    endangering the crown princess on multiple accounts ,    multiple accounts of assault   +   endangerment to the people of both main and outer corona    (   birthday automaton ,   enhanced ruddiger ,   army of automatons .    ) ,     kidnapping the queen ,     attempted regicide ,    breaking out of jail ,     aligning himself with the saporians ,    wiping the memories of the king   +   queen ,    allegedly planning on continuing the memory wipe to the whole of kingdom corona ,    endangering the whole of main corona with his chemicals yet  again  . vices.   arrogance ,    doubt ,    recklessness .    love language.    primarily  actions  ! !     you need something done ?   you need someone to do something for you  ?    he’s your boy  !    he also gives gifts ,   as well ,   mostly  practical  ones ,   usually lil machines or things he’ll think that could be of use or necessity  !   

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.    oh   i  will  make  you  proud   is too much of a  bop  to be anything but his theme  !   we also see it played throughout the seasons in instrumental swells within gentle or Big Plot™ moments ,   even all the way back in  what  the  hair  !   so much of his character  +  narrative arcs lean on being seen and known and validated  ?   it’s important to him ,    but especially for it to come from his dad ,    or even from those he admires n looks up to  ?     The whole entire Dream  ! hobbies to pass time.    experiments ,    building w/ spare machinery parts ,   playing around w/ ruddiger ,    cooking  ,    gardening  ,    sewing ,    reading ,    etc .     ! mental illnesses.   anxiety ,   depression ,    ptsd . physical illnesses.    he gets sick a lot .   exposure to dangerous chemicals can lead to a weakened immune system ,   so it ends up showing in lots of semi - sick days after all - nighters that he works through until he eventually collapses or gets worse .   it does mean that he eventually develops a good repertoire of being able to recognize various symptoms of sicknesses ,    and with a bit of studying ,    experience on how to treat people within his village   +   even beyond   ! fears.   losing his father ,    being lied to   /   kept in the dark ,   not being enough despite his best efforts  ,    never being fully trusted in the same way again ,   that he won’t be who he could’ve been ,    once ,    bright in the light ,   unhurt and unhistoried ,    and that the darkness is still in him ,   waiting for the day that he snaps again .    self-confidence level.    can i get a big  oof  in the chat bc it’s not .    really exactly super - great  ?    or even super - sturdy ,   for that matter  ?   ambition is one thing ,    but failed experiment and failed invention over and over again can be .   extremely disheartening ,   especially when it comes w/ a verbal disappointment speech ,   as well as side - eyes and general wariness   +   distrust from everyone in his village .   he’s incredibly confident in his knowledge   +   ability ,    and can don the   “  wizard of old corona  “   facade ,    but he’s .    he wants to do something right ,    so  so  badly ,   to prove himself ,    to prove that he can ,    even if he’s not exactly the right person to do it ,   he’s going to try anyways  ,    even if it’s just in case ,    even if it’s the only recourse left   ?    and that can be .    dangerous ,    to say the least ,    as we’ve seen .     but  but  but    !    with the help of raps and cass and eugene and lance ,   and being given the chance(s) to be included in their lil found family ,    in being able to prove himself among them    (    with some bumps along the way ,    a sad kid with no family left can go a lil feral w/ fury and grief as a treat ,    as you do ,    you know how it be sometimes    ) ,    and come into his own  ?    has been .      the  absolute  best   !     everything he’s done for the name of good ,    for the betterment of the lives of others  !    all of the light that it brings into his life ,    into his work  !      love that for him   !  !  !    vulnerabilities.   overactive ,   maybe leaning a lil too close to what’s really an obsessive need for answers ,    how that there are not many lines he’s not willing to cross to do something he deems Right™ or for those that he loves ,    how he’s easily provoked to accept challenges   +   problems to solve .

TAGGED BY.   @irnmaidn​ ! 💕 TAGGING.    so  i  did .   gently  cut  a  lot  out  of  this , so  if  you  are  interested  in  filling  this  out ,   let  me  know  and  i will  happily direct  u  back  to  the  whole  of  it   !

#it's past one am so i'm allowed 2 post the ' i spent way too much time n had way too much fun detailing this hc meme ' post ! #▎「 i want to remember everything ﹐ which is why i’m lying awake ﹐ not sleepy enough to give it up . / 𝐡𝐜 . #long post tw

[lazypeachsoul]

i chased you all the way to Riga - h.z.

Request: by @alekssmorozova “Could i request Daddy!Zemo + spanking pretty please ? Have a good day/evening. 🎇❤️”

Warnings: +18. Minors DNI. daddy kink, spanking.

Word count: 2k.

A/N: i'm so incredibly sorry I'm posting this at 2 am. my computer in playing dumb with me. hope you enjoy it 🌼 Gif by @h-zemo

Translations: "Gutes Mädchen" means "good girl"; "gelb" means "yellow"; "rot" means "red"; "Schatz" means "treasure (pet name)".

Masterlist.

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Waving goodbye to the security man you finally got out of the office building after an exhausting day at work. Meetings seemed to be a constant nowadays. Working for one of the biggest law firms in times when tensions are high and disputes seem to be more common, work was never scarce. But that meant free time was.

Normally you would have paid more attention to your surroundings, but the ache in your head and your heeled feet prevented you from really observing the environment. It wasn’t until you were unlocking your car that you felt someone behind you.

Turning around ready to disarm any potential attacker, you were stopped by a hand grabbing your arm. Expecting an attack you tried to free your arm to be able to defend yourself, but the attack never came. Looking up you found a man not much taller than yourself, covered with a long coat and a purple balaclava. It wasn’t until you found a pair of deep brown eyes looking at you that you understood who your “attacker” was.

Shaking off his hand you took a step back, trying to understand what was going on. He couldn’t be here in Riga. Last thing you knew about him he was in a high security prison in Germany, locked in solitary confinement. “Zemo?” Was the first thing that came out of your lips. It wasn’t loud but you knew he heard you when he moved to take the covering off.

"Schatz.” He spoke, accent heavier than you remembered. Probably the result of only using german to communicate during his years in prison.

His hair was still fairly intact for having been covered and his face, although sunken in from lack of normal nutrition, was still as handsome and mysterious as ever.

“You haven’t called me that in a long time Helmut.”

“I would’ve, if you had called or visited me in my imprisonment.”

His voice sounded strained and you then realized he must have not been allowed many visitors during that time. And even if he was, nobody would visit him after what he had done. Well, nobody except old Oeznik maybe.

“You know I couldn’t do it, if they had known we were involved in any way my life would have become hell.” You tried to excuse yourself, even if it was the truth. “how are you here anyways? Not that the visit is not a nice surprise but-”

“I escaped.” He answered but you know that was not the entire truth. Zemo was intelligent enough to know escaping would not grant him the kind of freedom he wanted. “Well, somebody got me out because I was needed in a mission, and now we are here following a lead. It’s a long story and one I don’t think we should have out in the open.”

He was looking around now, confirming his runaway status. He probably shouldn’t even be in the parking lot of one of the biggest office buildings in the city. You unlocked your car and moved to get inside of the car. Helmut stayed still, probably expecting you to run away, but you just pointed to the passenger seat with your head.

Once he was inside you started the car and tried to exit the parking lot as if a wanted criminal wasn’t sitting next to you. Once you were crossing the gates you took a deep breath and you felt your muscles relax. You could feel Zemo’s gaze on the side of your face, clearly not expecting this turn in the night.

“If I hadn’t left the lot Arnis would have come looking for me, he worries.” You tried to explain while keeping your eyes on the road. “And I imagine you don’t want to be seen.”

He nodded and moved his gaze from your figure and looked outside the window. From the small peeks you took, he looked to be deep in thought. You didn’t really understand what possessed you to make him get in your car, or to take him to your house. Maybe it was the past you shared or the remorse of not seeing him in the last years. Maybe even the remorse of not being there to stop him from committing those atrocities.

You parked your car on the street right in front of your apartment building. The less distance you had to travel the less of a chance of being caught. And even with all the precautions you didn’t feel completely safe until you closed the front door of your apartment and locked the door.

Seeing Baron Helmut Zemo standing in your tiny rented apartment felt silly. This man who had grown up close to royalty, who had lived in the best houses and schools in Europe, now stood next to cheap Ikea furniture and bad room decorations.

“Nice house.” He tried to break the ice but it only made you want to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Not all of us are born into nobility Baron. Now, are you going to tell me what is going on? I have the feeling that whoever broke you out might have no idea where you are right now.”

“Always so intelligent, schatz.” He smirked taking off his characteristing long coat and elegantly draping it over the sofa.

The scene reminded you of the last time you two were alone together, and how the night ended. He started rolling the sleeves of his red shirt and you started to see the old Helmut Zemo. The one who didn’t have to be worried about the world trying to catch him and could be his enchanting self. The Helmut Zemo who knew how to get the attention, born to be a leader.

“I’m not supposed to be here. I suppose James and Samuel are running around the city looking for me. But I’m in the best company I could imagine.”

“And I suppose what your entire mission is, right?”

“Again, so intelligent. You know what would happen if you were to be associated with me. You said so yourself.” He was looking at every detail of the room, but you especially you. “I did not come as a runaway looking for shelter. I came as a...friend.”

The tone he used to describe your relationship hurt but told you more than the rest of the conversation. It was true that you never used another label other than friends, always good friends and friends with benefits sometimes.

“Is that all we are, friend?” You couldn’t hold your tongue, the situation bringing you back to the dynamic you had before everything went to shit.

“Well, a few years ago you used to call me a different name, didn’t you?”

You were too worried about the situation to realize how close Zemo had gotten, making you jump slightly when you felt his hand in your shoulder. Softly moving it up and caressing your skin the hand found a home pressed against the side of your neck, lovingly but with authority.

“I spoke to you, my love. Don’t tell me you have forgotten.”

“I haven’t.” You spoke quickly almost as if your entire body knew what to do without needing orders from your brain. “Daddy.”

The smirk that spread through his face ignited every memory in your brain that included Zemo. From the first time you met back in Sokovia to the many nights spent together as young adults, including the years spent apart when he married and the reunion after disaster struck.

Without realizing you moved your entire body forward, pressing yourself against the man and your lips to his. The moment your lips touched it felt electric, like a current that had been dormant came alive again.

The kiss became ravenous, teeth clashing and hands pawing at each other's clothes. The small apartment felt immense when thinking of moving to the bedroom staying as close together as possible.

Breaking the kiss you looked at him and saw his usually expressive eyes were clouded with determination. You knew Zemo enjoyed the chase, and you were going to give it to him. Moving your face closer to him as if to kiss him again gave you the best distraction you could imagine.

Pushing Helmut back you started running towards the bedroom, moving furniture on your way to make the chase more thrilling. You tried to close the door behind you but he had reached you easier than you believed, as if he had never lost his military training.

“Why are you running away? Is it because you know you were bad?” His sweet voice a contrast to his authoritative figure.

Helmut Zemo was not the tallest or strongest man, but he had an air of power around him that the strongest men on the planet would want to have for themselves. And you would relegate all your power to this man, trusting him blindly.

“No daddy. I know you enjoy chasing me.”

“I do. I chased you all the way to a parking lot here in Letonia, didn’t I?” He was walking towards you until you hit the back of your knees against the mattress making you fall. “But I do think you need a punishment. You did forget about me.”

Your heart was beating loudly inside your chest and your entire body felt hot, the situation was familiar to you but that didn’t make it less exciting. He lowered his face to your now lower position and kissed your forehead softly, a silent question about what was going to happen next.

You grabbed his dominant hand and kissed the palm softly, granting him permission to carry out the punishment. You could tell what he was about to ask and responded before he could even get the question out.

“Gelb means uncomfortable. Rot is stop.”

“Gutes Mädchen”

His hand snaked its way to the back of your head, intertwining with your hair. Pulling softly he moved your head back, giving him access to your entire neck. His kisses were soft and almost ticklish. But you knew the softness would be gone soon.

He sat down on the bed, making himself comfortable before parting his legs and gesturing with his hand between them. Quickly standing up you stood in between them, allowing his hands to run through your hips until they found the belt of your work dress pants. He worked the fabric with confidence until you felt it slip from your frame.

His hands directly against your skin seemed to ignite every nerve in your body and when they moved to work the buttons of your shirt your breath caught in your chest.

“My sweet girl. I have missed you.” He whispered before kissing the skin of your hip that was revealed by the lack of clothing. “You are just as soft and warm as I remember you. I almost feel sorry for having to punish you.”

You had to suppress a whine at his words but he seemed to hear anyway. He was a natural speaker and hearing him speak that way too you made you warm and the heat seemed to pool in your lower belly.

“Please, daddy. I can’t wait.”

He chuckled softly, chucking the clothes far away and moving back to allow you to drape yourself over his lap. And that’s exactly what you did. You found your position so quickly that it almost felt like no time had passed since the last time.

His calloused hand caressed the back of your thighs moving closer and closer to the sensitive skin of your butt,causing goosebumps to raise on your skin. You rested your cheek against the comforter, humming as a sign that you were ready.

And suddenly the hum became a surprised moan when you felt the crash of Zemo’s hand against your skin. He soothed the skin and started muttering in german. “Let’s count to 6 and see if you learned, okay?” You nodded and another spank resounded around the room. “I need you to speak, beautiful.”

“Yes daddy, 6.”

He started soothing the skin again before you felt another shocking spank against your bottom. Every single strike made you moan and groan louder, and you weren’t the only one. Helmut was groaning not only because of the effort but at seeing your reactions and the probably very went patch on your panties.

You could feel how excited Helmut was getting against your belly that was carefully pressed against his groin. Even through the thick trousers the erection was more than obvious and only made you more excited for what was about to come.

Any thought of crimes, sentences, escapes from prison or other people were buried deeper in your mind with every moment that passed.

“Six.” You moaned when the palm crashed against your now sore bottom for the last time.

The entire room was buzzing with excitement, you bottom sore in the best way you could imagine and the hands of your past lover caressing the reddened skin.

“You did so good, beautiful. But I’m not letting you go now.”

“Please daddy...don’t stop now.”

Taglist: @teenwonder @sky-writes-stuff @kyli314

#helmut zemo x reader #helmut zemo imagine #helmut zemo #zemo imagine #baron zemo #mcu imagine #mcu x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #nominors #myfic

[honoredbastard]

I COME BACK WITH THOUGHTS/THEORIES ON ITADORI AND HIS RELATIONS- I THINK.

anyways, so i'll just point this out: i'm not good at speaking my thoughts in an organized manner. i absolutely suck at it, i speak on how my brain brings up the thoughts so i might ramble, get over my head in a thought, etc. i can't control it so i apologize in advance for the jumpiness of the texts. i will spell a lot of things wrong and not everything will be correct, as i read translations and on a manga site. don't worry it's not illegal, i believe.

MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD.

i apologize for my absence! last week or two weeks ago the tower to my computer completely broke and will not turn on. i tried to repair it and follow my fathers instructions but nothing worked. even cleaned off the fan and went through countless nights readjusting things. it's not my cords either so to help me out my father is working extra shifts to get me a new pc. so in the meantime i'll do small posts like these but not full writing/head canons until i have a computer tower lol. a family member was kind enough to allow me to have their phone while we work throughout this issue.

now onto the actual topic:

kenjaku and itadori's relationship. ( family wise ).

for context in the most recent chapter, 160 "colony" kamo shows up in sasaki's home and talks to her about the culling game and a barrier. but that's not the point, the point is as he's guiding her to the barrier inside her "dream" at the end he says "oh right. i almost forgot to tell you. thank you for getting along with my son." and then she is awakened inside the barrier, in her pajamas beside iguchi. when sasaki and iguchi look at the barrier and gather themselves they bring up kamo.

sasaki asked iguchi if he mentioned his son and he says no. this leaves sasaki in a state of confusion when itadori flashes in her mind. she says his name aloud like she finally connected the dots. now. why am i bringing up this whole kenjaku thanking sasaki for being his "son"'s friend. it throws me off because why didn't he thank iguchi?

did he not think iguchi meant their friendship? because sasaki was the one uninjured and still counted itadori as a friend? does iguchi not consider itadori as a friend anymore?

because we haven't seen these two at all since the incident. that raised many questions in me. as well "how can itadori be related to kamo?" and itadori is related to choso.

because kamo's technique is explained ( vaguely. we are aware he can create barriers, take over bodies, and has incredible cursed tools. chapter 134. this is also where choso makes his connection ( i believe. ) to itadori yuji as his brother. but because we saw this with todo many thought itadori just had another unconsious technique that allows the person who is hit create false memories and believe of a completely made up relationship with itadori without his knowledge. but alas, i was wrong. ) and we're given more hints shown than told ( imo ) i tried my best to make sense out of the situation and what he said. i think my conclusions are pretty solid, so continuing on.

we're given very little history on itadori, his past, and family. at the start of the manga we know that itadori's only family he knows is his grandfather and that he is ill in the hospital. at the very very beginning we learn that itadori is your average cute, fluffy, laid back but strong and goofy protagonist. in smaller words: itadori is kirby but even cuter and dumber.

my first impressions of him is a pineapple. if you're confused to this saying: it's calling a person prickly on the outside but sweet on the inside. and this is true, itadori's grandfather seems prickly and cold on the outside but he genuinely cares for itadori.

he raised itadori for all we know and did that with his all in assumption. but this ends up backfiring onto itadori, because he cares so much for his grandson - he ends up leaving a " curse " on yuji.

help people. save them.

itadori takes this to heart as his grandfathers speech is his last one. when he looks over to his grandfather the man is dead and now yuji is left alone. then the following events occur.

at this point in time i assumed itadori was an orphan ( he technically is if we're connecting the dots. his parents has not been shown, he doesn't speak of them, they aren't in the picture. we can conclude either they disowned itadori or died before he could make complete memories of them. )

but when we are shown in chapter 143 itadori's parents we see this "woman" jin ( yuji's father ) and his grandfather talking about has the same scar pattern. this scar pattern is either stitching ( assuming that is how kamo keeps the top of the opened skull from coming off. this is also how kamo revealed his cursed technique / body of sorts ( the brain, assuming that is kenjaku in his cursed technique and not the body / puppet he is controlling " getou suguru " ) to gojou. )

this is the only way i find kamo being able to assign itadori as his son. why is that you might be asking this dumbass here.

we do not have the full story, exact date, location, and full context of the memory/dream itadori is having. this cannot be fake either because kamo would than have no reason to call itadori his son. or is there? anyways.

take a leap of faith with me. imagine that before itadori is born ( he seems no more than a few weeks or days old in this memory. hence why i am thinking my conclusion is pretty solid in theory. but yknow gege, there might be something different. ) anywhooo.

TW. D3ATH/IMPLYING ANTI LIFE ATTEMPT

kamo had to have taken over yuji's mothers body after an accident OR after she gave birth to yuji. his grandfather is interrupted by her before he can finish his sentence but it seems to be leading to the conclusion that either kaori ( yuji's mother ) died while giving birth to yuji or kaori could not conceive and tried to take her own life or cause an accident that would take her life. ( i read a fan translation for this part but im pretty sure i also read the official translation today too and it added up to the same. )

i believe in the first idea, but since kamo's cursed technique wasn't explained in detail i don't know the conditions of his body technique. does the original host of the body have to be dead? can he regenerate body limbs ( i highly doubt. getou lost an arm during his fight with yuta. overconfident dick. reminding me of an ex ANTWAYS. i forgive him for being overconfident smooch. he learned. OFF TOPIC but continuing on i promise.

this is being continued from the cut off point. i'm so upset so it'll just be summarized. i can't believe this shit lol i took three hours just to finish it for it to literally cut off the bottom half.

continuing on in a sadge mood. kamo must not have the complete ability to take over a body. after all getou took his only arm he had as he was dying and choked his own body to his full ability. getou was willing to die ( possibly, you never know he could be alive if he killed his own body. moving on. ) just to have the chance to save his friend from being swallowed by a damn box.

so there has to be a chance that kamo cannot fully take over the previous persons complete consious and memory of their body. if getou still had his other arm after losing the fight to yuta, he could've choked kamo with both arms. in theory kamo wouldn't be able to control the right arm and die to the previous host choking him to death.

so why wouldn't the other hosts do it? after all, kamo did say it was his first time experiencing such a thing. assuming kamo has lived throughout many bodies in his 150+ lifespan none of the previous hosts could take control of their body.

i believe getou was completely influenced by gojou and his six eyes. there is no way gojou would even try to speak out to his friend unless he had an inkling or saw getou still in there. helpless and without the ability to save himself from the cage he's in.

being used and puppeteered in his own body by an external force. laughing in the world he could not. putting getou into a constant misery and defeat that he couldn't escape his hell. the one he tried so hard to fight and get out of. even if it was the wrong path.

gojou was the last person to witness getou dying. he had to watch getou bleed out after their conversation because he couldn't bring himself to kill his friend. the one he spent his whole jujutsu student life with. so for gojou to say such a thing to getou despite all that he did had to break getou out of his misery and give him that small sliver of hope that he could do something. of course he failed, but i doubt that's going to be the end of that.

the only way i see kamo being related to yuji is if he took over kaori's body before the pregnancy. assuming that when kamo takes over a body he becomes one with said body and is that person for however long he lives in said body. my only thing is, can he take over a persons body whilst they are alive? i would go more in depth like i did the last time but i am extremely upset about my work being erased so that's the end of this part.

thank you for reading! i have one more thing for you though.

the last time we see sukuna in a manga page after the shibuya incident is where he is on his throne and in his domain. this is after yuji is stabbed by yuta and is presumed "dead" at the time. he seems to be interested in yuta and i can think of 2-3 things. I would love to hear your theories too so don't be afraid to barge into my dms like the koolaid man.

A - sukuna is interested in Yuta because of his ability to use the reverse healing technique ( only a few sorcerers know this. sukuna being the first. shoko being the second one to be told that she has this power and then gojou. ) because of this he sees potential in yuta as well or has added this boy into his plans. after all, there is very few that can make sukuna make an expression that isn't an RBF. aka megumi and possibly gojou. I was looking at the page of him stabbing yuji and noticed we only see the entry point of where the blade enters. it's smaller because some got chunked off so its a possibility yuta used this to his advantage when "killing" yuji and instead hit an artery that could kill him but quickly healed him afterwards. or just his heart. the ideas.

B. Rika, Yuta is able to completely control Rika as shown. Even though he claims he is on the weak side, these two combined seem like an unstoppable force. He may be interested in Rika as she is a curse that has been put on someone that can fully control it. Not many people is shown to be able to control their curse. As we haven't met many.

this was enti and that's the last of my post! thank you for reading and it was a fun one. even though i had to restore this shit. anyways, i'd love you to add or fix up my ideas and tell me your thoughts and opinions! Thanks a bunch!

^ this is for pure humor

#𝄖entiramblesツ #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #itadori #yuji #getou suguru #suguru getou #sukuna ryomen #sukuna #yuta #jjk yuta #gojou #geto suguru #suguru geto #theories #jjk theory #manga spoilers #jjk spoilers

[lovecolibri]

There with you on the middle child-middle of the road opinions lol. Like from the little that we know about B there are some parts I'm interested in and others that I'm dreading, like these new characters.

There was so much time in A to write an arc for Bobby who has been a glorified regular for the past couple of seasons or hen who got one and a half storylines and one was the woman she cheated on her wife with, and buck who was a boyfriend or eddie they could have foreshadowed the trauma a lot earlier, and then they elected to focus on random people? People that the audience is not at all interested in? Because this is a first responder show and not about reporters? Or that creepy r*pist?

And people are supposed to be excited for B? Not surprised at ALL some are done with this!

Please don't ask me how long I've sat on this ask (nearly a month) or how long it took me to find this post because Tumblr literally hates me searching for my own things.

On the bright side, we now have a *little* more information on 5b and it is....all shaping up to look pretty darn good (though anyone outside the firefam calling Bobby "cap" is an immediate Michael Scott "Nope! Don't Like That" reaction). I do think it's going to suffer a bit because people (even the general audience) had such a negative reaction to 5a, but I really feel like 5b is going to pull things together that felt broken because that feeling was intentional.

However, as I said in my original post, my issues with a lot of 5a are things that won't be fixed by 5b because they weren't about the isolated, dark feeling/tone (okay a little bit that, because this is my comfort show and even in stressful, darker times in other seasons we were given SOME comfort and saw characters supporting each other and 5a was missing some of that tonal balance), but were more to do with the balance of characters and how little we got to see of, as you pointed out, the actual first responders, doing the first responding. I mean, Ghost Stories?! What TF was that? We saw the first responders responding to an emergency and then spent the rest of the episode following the case?! And with side characters no less, not even Athena working the case! Because if they wanted to integrate the reporter into the firefam, having her and Athena working together would be a great way to go, and would allow them to maybe address her season 2 actions that they seem to want us to believe Athena has forgotten about and moved on from (which, false. That woman would never). But instead we have half an episode that does not contribute to the overarching storylines of the show in ANY capacity, plus, Lou solved the case entirely on his own anyway, and the reporter's ramblings in Buck's loft did not affect the outcome of the case or the way the actual detective pursued and solved the case.

I AM excited for 5b. I think the potential for us to get some truly amazing stories, especially for Eddie is incredibly high, and I am absolutely vibrating with excitement about all of it. But it won't change 5a still being full of episodes I have no desire to watch at all, or to watch in full because they were too focused on side characters (not you, Ravi, you're an angel and we are HAPPY to have you and hope to learn so much more about you! Muwah!), or played out like some creepy SVU or Criminal Minds episode (sorry not sorry, I can't watch shows like that. The world is horrid enough, I don't need my entertainment to revel in showing the worst, most disturbing things people are capable of).

All this to say, I can totally understand why some people might want to wait for 5b to come out in full, or until they see what others have to say. It wont' be me, I absolutely want to watch live because my brain is just Like That, and like I said, I am truly excited. And I even love most of the arcs other people don't seem to because I really enjoy how 911 tells these adult stories that are dramatic situations, but handled in human ways focusing on growth and healing instead of what the most extreme and dramatic response could be. I like that there are often situations that are hard, and the characters are hurting or unintentionally hurt each other, but the show doesn't paint one of them to be "the bad guy" because real life is like that, real people are like that! They make mistakes and have to apologize, and have to learn to communicate and 911 does it soooo well! 5a may have veered off course a little, but the stuff we DID get that was focused on the firefam was exceptional (Kenneth Choi Emmy when?! Give that man so many awards!), and has set up 5b to be some truly magical storytelling. I'm excited to see it, and hopeful that the backlash from the general audience about the focus on side characters has been noted and we are going to get to see more of our first responders doing their jobs, having cool and interesting rescues, and being a family. And if what Oliver Stark has said is any indication, it's going to be a wild and enjoyable ride!

#my sweet nonnie friends #cleaning out my inbox #911 #911 spoilers #anti bucktaylor #anti taylor kelly #i maintain that the firefam stuff was good but 5a overall was a bit of a mess #and 5b won't fix that but it will give us better context for the 5a firefam stuff #and will bring some much needed resolution to the tension that's been building #we are going to see buck setting himself free and eddie crumbling and building himself back up #we are going to see maddie and chim coming back together and back home #and it's going to be amazing #and if we can get some bobby and hen stuff too i will be overjoyed #though 10/10 get me anything for bobby that isn't a relapse arc #if they want to talk about him struggling i am all for that! (hot priest again when?) #but the show needs to bring it's hopeful tone back because it's one of the things that sets it apart from other shows #and makes it so comforting to watch even when characters are struggling #and i think hen is the only one we haven't seen in a hospital bed so like 👀👀👀 #I would be all for her getting injured and getting to see everyone rally around her #bringing her textbooks to the hospital and helping write up flashcards and helping her study #to make sure he doesn't fall behind #and seeing everyone show up for karen and helping out #it would be great to bring sydney and the other sweet young man from their study group back too #I just want more firefam being a family again!

[mx-barnes]

Soulmate AU Pt.7

Summary: When you turn 18 you get the name of a song on your wrist. That is the song you and your soulmate share. It is also how you can communicate with them.

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: swearing, implied smut (I suck at writing smut so this is for the best), talk of abduction, a little bit of Bucky's trauma, pet names, Sad!Bucky, think that's it.

A/n:Sorry that this chapter is so short I am camping this week and wanted you guys to have a new part out. So I finished this before camping, I'll be logging off for the week I have a few things queued but not much. Sorry I will be back next week with my regularly scheduled post. Not edited, Charaters not my own (Marvel don't sue me) Gif not my own.

Chapter 6 Masterlist

The next morning you woke up to find James still in bed with you. You figured he’d already be up but apparently he wasn’t a morning person either. Last night was amazing you had shown him where you grew up. He seemed so entranced by everything. Maybe it was the fact that you were talking a mile a minute or he was just happy to be there with you.

Honestly, he seemed like a great guy. He hadn’t pushed you into anything last night which you know from your own shitty experiences can happen. Most of the men and women you dated tended to have an expectancy. That if you were laying down in their bed or even laying down in your bed that something was going to happen. But James didn’t seem to be like that. You were grateful.

Yes, you were soulmates. Yes, you were “made for each other” but you wanted to take it slow until you couldn’t handle slow anymore. You wanted to build a relationship first not just jump straight in. He may be your soulmate but you’ve heard of instances where soulmates moved too fast and ended up hating each other. You didn’t want that. You want a best friend, someone you could depend on.

You felt the figure stir beside you pulling you out of your thoughts. “Mornin’ doll. You sleep well?” His morning voice was beautiful. It was just the right amount of gravely to the deep tone. This man had you just swooning at his voice.

“Ya I slept great what about you handsome?” You said placing a hand on his shoulder as you snuggled closer to him.

“It was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a while. So,” he paused looking down and chewing on his bottom lip. “My arm.”

“What do you mean your arm?” you pulled back to look at him.

“It’s- well it's metal,” he stuttered. Scared that you would reject him. Push him away maybe if you hadn’t already connected the dots. See that he was a terrible person.

“So. Listen, James,” the way you said his name made butterflies rupture in his stomach. “I can’t change it. I know about your past but everyone is so much more than their past. If we lived in the past we wouldn’t go anywhere. So as long as you don’t judge me on my past I won’t judge you on yours. We all have a story but each day we have a blank page. That story may be filled with unknown horrors but the fact that you are here and can share those horrors if you so choose is proof enough that you are a strong and capable man.”

"But if you know my past you know I killed hundreds. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone better. Someone who is broken. Some who can gi-"

"Stop. If the universe put us together it must have a reason. It must have a reason and this is not me rationalizing this. I want to be with you. You were brainwashed those terrible acts the other guy did was not your fault. You are enough for me. You are more than enough for me. Last night you followed me around my childhood home where I talked a mile a minute and you were probably bored out of your mind but you sat and listened. I talk too much, I ramble but you sat and listened to me. Listen James I know your past from the media, but I want to know your past. I want to get to know the real you. Not the one the media portrays, not the one you probably put on when you go to your therapist, the real you,” you rambled on.

His arms jut out to grab your face. Grabbing it he pulls you close you instinctively close your eyes then he hesitates you can feel his hot breath fanning over your face as he asks “Can I kiss you?”

You open your eyes. Stare into his beautiful blues for a second almost getting lost in them but manage to answer him. “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

After hearing your response his face lightens you ca. See the glint in his eyes as he once again pulls you close and kisses you. Your eyes flutter shut. The kiss is soft. His lips are dry and cracked a bit but you don’t mind. It's sweet and way too short for your liking. When he pulls away you allow him and yourself to have a breath before you pull him once again.

He chuckles into the kiss. He pulls away once again and you whine. “We gotta get up doll. ‘M gonna make you the very best breakfast,” he gets up and starts to pull a shirt on. You didn’t even realize he was shirtless.

Pouting you quip “The best breakfast you could give me is if you stay in bed.”

That seems to pique his interest as he dives right back into the covers and begins kissing you once again. Let’s just say you and him had a full meal.

<~>

You must have fallen asleep again because by the time you looked over at the alarm clock it was 2 hours later.

Scrambling to get your things for work you manage to wake up James. He looks at you with such love in his eyes. “Mornin’ doll.”

It wasn’t fair how good he looked or sounded. He looked as he had been plucked from the gardens of heaven. His voice was melodic. It was drawing you back in. "Morning sorry I have to get to work I've missed the past couple of days and it's not like my boss is unreasonable but she does need her assistant. I am really sorry to just run out on you but I will be back I promise. I'll leave my number on the counter," quickly crossing the room to give him a quick cheek kiss. You ran out of the room a little disheveled but looking fairly decent. You scribbled down your number on an empty piece of paper. By the time you actually left you looked down to your watch and it was 8:30 AM.

<~>

By the time you actually got to Stark Industries, it was 9:45 AM your shift started at 9:00 sharp. Immediately you went to Peppers office. You knocked on the door hoping that she wasn't in a meeting. "Come in."

"Pepper I'm so sorry for not being here for the past couple of days. I was abducted and then I was with my soulmate and I overslept. I'm so sorry," you ramble on.

"It's ok. Wait you were abducted? By who?" Pepper almost scolds. Her face softens as she takes in the last bit of your sentence. "So you spent the night at your soulmate's house. That must've been fun. What's their name?" She questions.

"Well, his name is James Barnes. Don go off on how he's the Winter Soldier. I know he is and it's fine that wasn't him. I know I just met him but I think I'm already falling in love. He's not like any other person I've been with. Not Killian, not Amanda, not Jade, and definitely not Dawson. He's just different but a good different you know?"

"I know I can see that he makes you happy. That smile hasn't left your face since you came in here."

You hadn't even realized you were smiling. This was something that you had experience before sure your other partners made you happy but this has been a long time coming, to find that ethereal happiness.

Chapter 8

Taglist:

@oceanmermaidwitch @navs-bhat

#bucky barnes #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #tfatws #tfatws bucky #james bucky barnes

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About the Climax of "Reunion" from Amphibia

Salutations, random people on the internet who are already scrolling right past this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

So, Season Three of Amphibia is coming pretty soon. And I am...excited, but not as much as most people.

If you've seen my reviews, you'll know that while I do like Amphibia, I wouldn't go so far as to say it grabbed me as well as a series like The Owl House. With a show like that, it took me until Episode Five before I realized The Owl House was something special that was worth remembering. For Amphibia? It took me until the Season One finale before I had a similar reaction. But, to be fair, that's because this series is really good at making an ending. "Reunion," for example, takes a lot of the small things the first season has been building up, taking plots from episodes I considered filler and tying it all together in a pretty satisfying ending. I know people are still reeling over the epicness of "True Colors," and all for a good reason, but I want to start the new season on the right foot by discussing a moment that made me consider giving the series a chance.

But it also contains spoilers, so if you haven't seen Amphibia yet, now might be a good time to check it out. It may not have grabbed me and might not even grab you, but trust me when I say that it's worth it just to get to that final scene.

Now, let's review, shall we?

Grime Explaining Flipwart and Bogjump: One thing I will always defend about this series is its humor. More often than not, it succeeds in getting a chuckle out of me with perfect timing and solid comedic delivery. And stuff like this? Where Grime takes a break from his evilness to explain how two board games work to two teenagers? Only to then give up and stick with a simple answer? Yeah, I'm sorry, but that's funny to me. A good thing, too, given how this show relies more on humor than anything else. It may have an overarching plot and its fair share of grim moments (I give you Marcy's maybe death), but Amphibia knows when to keep things light amongst the darkness, which I always appreciate.

Anne Pleading with Sasha: Here, the scene showcases Anne's own personal struggle with Sasha. We know Sasha's a bad friend, primarily because we have eyes. But Anne still needs convincing. Because while she speaks up, she still doesn't assert herself. Anne doesn't yell at Sasha or tell her she's going too far. Instead, she just begs and pleads, hoping to seek the bit of humanity of this girl that Anne sees as a friend. Only for Grime to cut things short in demanding Hop Pop.

Anne Grabbing a Sword to Defend Hop Pop: This, on the other hand, was a defining moment for Anne. She spent so much time with the Plantars, risking life and limb for their own personal health and safety in multiple episodes before this one. So in desperation and due to being backed into a corner, she yanks out one of the guards' swords and orders people to back up, including her "best friend." This moment is when Anne is right on the edge of standing up against Sasha, ready to do all she can to help a person, er, frog that treats her right.

Sasha Talking Anne Down: But she isn't fully ready to fight back yet. Sasha sees the panic and desperation and uses that to her advantage and takes control. She speaks calmly, attracting Anne with talks of going home and pointing out the ridiculousness of standing up for Hop Pop. And my blood boils with how easily she does it. It was like a light switch, turning off her intensity just so Sasha appears to be empathetic. Even though she isn't. You can tell just how cold hearted she can be with the way she says the line "End of discussion." Does the way she say that really sound like a person who has Anne's best interests at heart. I wouldn't think so.

Sprig’s Reaction to Anne Lowering the Sword: And neither does Sprig. I mean, look at Sprig's expressions when he sees Anne lower the sword:

First, there's shock and empathy in seeing Anne crumble to Sasha's will. And unlike the fake empathy Sasha offered, you can see that it's real.

Almost as real as the look of pure disgust he gives Sasha afterward. Personally, I can't blame him. Sprig cares deeply for Anne, as the two of them have the most real friendship out of everyone else in the main cast, one built on mutual trust, respect, and willingness to have the other's best interests at heart.

Sprig Standing Up for Anne: This only proves my point. By slingshotting mud (was that mud?) into Sasha's face and praising how incredible Anne is, Sprig proved he really is the true friend that Sasha can only wish to be. And it's just the boost Anne needed to snap out of her stupor and do, in her words, "something that [she] should have done a long time ago."

Anne Standing Up to Sasha: If standing up for Hop Pop was a defining moment for Anne, defending Sprig from Sasha was a moment Anne could never go back on. It was one thing to fight for her found family against soldiers she's never met before. It's something else to do that against Sasha, Anne's best friend, who she pleaded with earlier and was so close to falling into submission for. But not anymore. At this moment, Anne decided to think for herself and do what needed to be done. Rather than let a bully tell her what to do instead.

Grime’s Words of Warning for Sasha: Grime’s little warning is similar to how a commander gives tips to a fellow commander in leading the troops. Because that's what Sasha really seems like. Not a friend, but someone who takes charge and orders what Anne and Marcy should do rather than listen to the opinions of the group. You see it more in "Battle of the Bands," and that's why I think she follows his advice to "stamp this out." Especially with how he finishes his warning: "Fail, and nothing will ever be the same."

There are two things to take away from that.

The fact that Grime was right. Sasha failed, and nothing was the same because of it. Anne now stood up to her and won't take her orders anymore. The thing is, that would have happened if Anne failed or not. Sasha winning may have stamped Anne's spirit a bit, but it still shows a dark side to her that wouldn't have been forgotten for long.

The fact that Sasha vocally admits that she won't let things change. It proves how twisted her mindset on friendship is that Sasha would willingly partake in a sword fight with her "best friend" because she refuses to have Anne standing up for herself. She likes being in charge and refuses to lose her power no matter what needs to be done to keep it.

If Anne defending Sprig is a moment where she crosses the line for the better, Sasha listening to Grime is a moment where she crosses the line for the worst.

“Anne, you don’t have to do this”: I love how Hop Pop tries to talk Anne out of the challenge. It's his life that's on the line, but he cares just as deeply for Anne as she does for him, that letting her duel Sasha, her supposed "best friend," is a choice he doesn't want her to make.

“Yes, I do.”: But Anne isn't about that. She now knows the type of person Sasha is, and letting her get away with more control is something no one should allow. And Anne won't. Not anymore.

The Fight: The fight isn't all that special compared to other action animation, and even to a certain fight scene we see in "True Colors." But as is, it is still pretty tense. I mean, for f**k's sake, it's two thirteen-year-olds fighting each other with swords! It's a miracle that only Sasha got a small scar at the end of it. Plus, while not the show's highest standard yet, there is a lot of effort and attention put into this battle. Anne is a lot more inexperienced and frantic with her attacks, where Sasha shows she was trained well in her time with the toads and is rotten given that she cheated by blinding Anne to force a victory. In a way, it illustrates the desperation the two of them have for winning, making Sasha's actions, in particular, easier to root for Anne.

Anne Wins: So when Anne is victorious, it's all the more satisfying. Primarily thanks to the look on Sasha's face. Look at it:

That is the definition of shock and anger, mostly shock. Sure, Sasha might be ticked that she lost, but it's Anne's words that I think really hit a specific soft spot: "You're not going to push me around anymore." That's probably the first time that Anne called Sasha out on her awful behavior. Saying that she's standing up to her huts, but pointing out how Sasha basically controlled Anne and how that's something she won't allow anymore, could be an eye-opening moment that Sasha needed.

Grime Goes Against the Deal: Ok, full disclosure, while this post is meant to shine a light on how great a scene is, there is one complaint I've got to get out of the way. You see, Grime going against his deal to let Hop Pop go free if Anne wins was way too predictable. Because why the f**k would he?!

I mean, does this seriously look like the face of a man you can trust? This scene may excel at everything else, but this one predictable moment is just a little off to forgive.

The Tower Blowing Up: This predictable moment, however, is done flawlessly. Because there's a difference between a twist and a payoff. Where a twist is meant to shock the audience, a payoff has to, well, pay off a setup brought up earlier in the story. And Wally's boom-shrooms going off at just the right time, transitioning to the most iconic moment of the series? Yeah, that's a payoff done right.

(Also, Wally cursing his one eye is hilarious)

“Lean On Me”: By the way, NOT joking when I say what follows is the most iconic moment of the series. All of which is aided by the inclusion of "Lean On Me" by Bill Withers. I'm not a music theory major and have no idea if the song itself is actually mildly appropriate to the scene, much like how "All Star" and "I Need a Hero" work perfectly for Shrek and Shrek 2, respectively. With that said, "Lean On Me" really does add an extra Umph! power to what follows. And as Matt Braley, series creator, describes, it is the coolest thing, but it will never happen again.

(Apparently, the song was too expensive).

Anne Goes to Save Sasha: Believe it or not, I actually do love this decision. Sasha may be a bad friend...Actually, no. Sasha is definitely a bad friend, but that doesn't mean Anne wants her to die. Not after all the good times that they had with each other. Anne might refuse to let Sasha push her around, but she's not ready to cut Sasha out of her life. Not yet.

Anne Holds Onto Sasha, the Plantars Hold Onto Anne: ...I mean...just f**king that! Through this moment, we get a perfect idea of how Anne's relationships work.

To put it simply, the Plantars raise Anne up and keep her safe, where Sasha just weighs her down and risks her safety. And the saddest part is that Sasha knows this.

“Anne. Maybe you’re better off without me…”: Some say that this could be Sasha trying to get in one last manipulation, using her own sacrifice to stick to Anne for choosing talking frogs over her. While I could see that perspective as a possibility, I personally take this moment as Sasha finally realizing the damage she causes for Anne and admits her faults. Sure, Sasha might have backpedaled in later episodes. What with refusing to change and even directing her anger towards Anne instead of towards herself. But that's because she had time to process these events and unfairly aim her negative feelings at Anne for wanting something better. So it doesn't seem implausible to me that Sasha admitting that Anne's better off without her is something she believed deep down and, for just a moment, allowed herself to accept this heavy truth. I won't deny the possibility that she's still trying to manipulate Anne, but to me, with the tone and expression Sasha has with her admission, you can't fake that. And you can't fake what she does next.

Sasha Lets Go: This...shocked me right down to my core.

I knew Grime would go back on his word, and I assumed the boom-shrooms would pay off somehow. But Sasha, willingly and unhesitantly, letting go of Anne's grip and falling to an expected demise? I...I couldn't have ever predicted that. Not with what we've seen from her before. When I hear how people see this as one last manipulation tactic, I just can't see it. Yes, there are monsters on this planet who would go this far, but I don't think Sasha is one of them. Later episodes like "Battle of the Bands" (despite a rough start) show signs of a person who could be better, and the Season Three trailer hints that she might actually learn from her mistakes. So her letting go, with no way of knowing her survival, could be the first sign that Sasha would one day make that first step. She might not be able to become Anne’s friend again, thanks to burning that bridge in "True Colors," but she'll at least try to become a better person. She just needs to do one good thing in her life first.

Plus, whenever I see this image:

I’m reminded why I could never say that I didn’t like this show.

Grime Saving Sasha: A lesser viewer would say this cheapens Sasha's sacrifice, but not to me. She had no way of knowing Grime would save her, so to her, so this is still a bid decision to go through with, even if she couldn't have gone all the way. In no way does it take away from the sacrifice, just as much as it doesn't strike a chord deep in Anne's heart.

Anne Breaks Down: Because what else would she do?

It's true, Sasha isn't a good friend, and Anne would likely be better off without her. But that's not what Anne's thinking at this moment.

She's thinking about the good fun she had with her best friend.

She was thinking about the person she could lean on.

And she was thinking about how she almost lost this person forever.

So when it all comes crashing down on Anne at once, there's nothing left to do but cry. It is such a real moment that proves one thing: There was effort put into this finale.

IN CONCLUSION

Would I say Amphibia draws me in as much as The Owl House does? No. But it still has my respect. A finale like this proves how hard the writers try to give a good experience. Even if a Schmuck like me thinks that all the pieces don't come together, they still do all they can to make a beloved series.

Season Three is on the way, and while I'm not as hyped as others, I still can't wait to see how it ends. Because if "Reunion" taught me anything, this series really nails an ending.

(And if you want me to do a scene breakdown of the finale in "True Colors," I'll tell you now: I won't...alright, maybe I'll do something for the mid-season premiere. But no promises!)

#amphibia #amphibia reviews #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #captain grime #hop pop plantar #sprig plantar #reunion amphibia #what i thought about #scene breakdowns

[jehovahhthickness]

(sorry for long post)

My dad passed away last year (one full year, next month). And I miss him, really. But it's like, I wish that he'd been different growing up.

Both of my parents were "too saved". They didn't let us have friends outside of the church. Didn't let us date. Made us, in our early teenage years (10-13), get this "promise ring" about not having sex before marriage.

And honestly, all of that, I feel, fucked me up in my older years. I'm already introverted as is, but I suck at socializing. I feel awkward as hell because the first time I hung out (outside of school) with a friend from school was AFTER my freshman year of college. I didn't date anyone until I was almost 20 (and that relationship was disastrous, because I had no experience of how to act) because I was afraid of talking to females, afraid of breaking that stupid promise and going to hell. I wasted most of my college years staying in my room, alone, thinking the whole world was evil, the devil out to get me. And it kept me out of trouble, but shit, it's made my life fucking boring and lonely.

I'm 29 now, and haven't been in a relationship since that last one (which ended when I was 22, 23). I have like 2 people that I know are down for me as a friend (they're the only people I don't have to text first, and who won't leave me on read). And I feel like I'm still trying to figure out shit that everyone else learned about in high school. I don't hate him. He tried his best, to his ability, but he was stubborn. You know how black parents are.

So much of who I am is based off of him, and as I grew up, I realized that my dad wasn't perfect, or always right, even. And it's like, trying to figure out the parts he had right and the parts he had wrong, feels like it's something that, even now, I don't think he'd understand. Like, he'd think I hate him or something, because I feel like he never really bothered teaching me how to talk to women, or even just talk to people, in general.

Maybe it's not entirely accurate to put it all on him, but then, for 18 years, I wasn't even allowed to have friends, and it's only been 11 years since then. It really feels like he spent so much time trying to protect me from the world, that he never really bothered trying to teach me how to live in it.

I don't hate him. I miss him. But damn, how does one navigate complicated feelings about one's father, when one can no longer communicate with their father?

I’m soooo sorry for the super late response.

I just wanna say that I am so sorry for your loss and I think it’s super mature of you to still love and long for your father even tho this man has let you down big time.

I want you to understand that your feelings of resentment towards your father is extremely valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I completely understand black parents wanting to protect us from the world but they don’t understand how being super strict and overly protective is such a huge disservice to us.

They really though they snapped with this one huh?

You’ve been raised and taught a certain way of thinking for almost 30 years. You have a long but not impossible journey of unlearning pretty much everything your parents taught you.

The fact that a light bulb in your head went off and you’re able to see where your dad got it all wrong, goes to show that you are not a lost cause and there is still a chance that YOU can make this right for YOURSELF.

All you can do right now is to just forgive your father and let it go. He’s gone, he can’t take it back, what’s done is done.

However, your future and happiness is now in your hands. Your father is no longer in control, YOU ARE.

You’ve been in a relationship before? Guess the fuck what? You can be in another one. You did it before, you can do that shit again. All you gotta do is to not repeat the same mistakes from before.

You have a few friends right now? Well baby boy, you can make MORE. The world is bigger than what your father led you to believe.

I think it’s just some scary hours for you and you’re feeling a little lost but I genuinely like you’re gonna find your way, you just need to take the first step and figure shit out along the way.

I really need you to stop beating yourself over this because none of this is your fault. But if you allow the past to continue to eat you alive, then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

[uta-no-sin-sama]

Coming Soon to a Half-Dead Utapri Blog Near You: The Ballad of the Little Unicorn

Hi, everyone!

As I'm sure most of you who keep up with this blog are aware, the past few scenarios were a blend of Utapri and My Hero Academia. More specifically, the Utapri characters and what would happen if they met Eri from MHA. Those scenarios did a lot better than I thought they would (especially the ones with STARISH and Quartet Night lol) and I had a lot of fun writing them.

The thought of this crossover still hasn't left my mind in the month I spent writing those scenarios, so now I'm announcing a work in progress that I will be working on along with other headcanons, imagines and scenarios:

The Ballad of the Little Unicorn - an Utapri and My Hero Academia crossfic

That's right, a longer story relating to those most recent scenarios is in the works!

I'm still working out some minor details regarding the work itself, such as the number of chapters I want it to be and some plot points, but I do have a basic summary of what this work will generally be about:

It's been nearly four months since young Eri was rescued from Overhaul's clutches by Deku, Mirio, and the others involved in the mission against the Shie Hassaikai. The little girl has improved significantly since in trusting others, catching up in her knowledge when compared to other children her age, being happier, and simply being a child.

One day, however, Eri's newly-found normal life comes to a screeching halt when she wakes up from a routine nap to find herself in a city park far from where UA stands. She soon meets a beautiful young woman, who agrees to help the little girl find her way back home after accidentally bumping into her. The woman, who introduces herself as Haruka Nanami, takes Eri back to the performing agency where she introduced her to the members of STARISH.

The boys quickly agree to Haruka's idea to let Eri stay with them until she can help her get back home safely until one of them points out that their boss, Shining Saotome, would not allow anyone outside of the agency to be within its walls unless it was for a collaboration piece with another agency. On top of this, he would almost certainly use the little girl's powers for selfish gain should he ever find out about them. Not wanting to risk angering their boss while also not wanting to put young Eri in harm's way, Haruka and STARISH agree to keep the little girl's presence a secret from the rest of the idol agency while caring for her and continuing their work on an upcoming concert collaboration with two other idol groups. How long will they be able to keep the secret? Will Eri be able to get back home safely before Shining finds out about her existence? Stay tuned to find out.

This fic is mainly going to focus on Eri's interactions with members of STARISH and Shining Agency, but to my Quartet Night and HEAVENS fans, don't you worry! They'll be in this work as well!

I hope to post a new chapter every 1-2 weeks starting mid-November to catch up on all the requests - the first of which should be done by the end of this week, but I will let everyone know if anything should change about when new chapters will be posted. Of course, I will still do the things I was doing before starting this project: scenarios, imagines, headcanons and match-ups (yes, I do those now too).

This is the first full-blown fanfic I've written for this fandom and it is longer and in a different style compared to my usual works, but I'm excited to try to post some new material for this blog. I also can't wait for you all to read each chapter as well.

I hope you all are excited for this project to come to life as much as I am!

- Lizzie Rose

#big update #not a scenario or imagine #new project announcement #the ballad of the little unicorn #utapri #uta no prince sama #utapri and mha crossfic #eri #eri mha #mha crossfic #utapri crossfic

[godwithwethands]

lmao i don't know all your shipping preferences but can i say, i much prefer sam with ba'al than with jack (this might be because i'm a high jack/daniel shipper but also, i just prefer the sam/ba'al vibe over the sam/jack vibe)

I'm a multishipper so I ship pretty much everything simultaneously: I love JackDaniel too 🥰🥰🥰 They are so cute and so good for eachother 🥺

Honestly yeah I prefer the vibe of BaalSam to JackSam as well 👁️👅👁️ But that's personal taste and interpretation of course 🥴

Oh no now I feel like explaining in depth why I love Baalsam and why I ship it... oh no... someone stop me 😩... LET'S FREAKING GO I'M GONNA EXPLAIN WHY!!!!

Mino’s “Here’s why I love BaalSam so much” aka just me gathering up the few baalsam crumbs the show writers, Amanda Tapping and Cliff Simon left in their wake....and baking a cake with those crumbs.

Before I start, PSA: English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes 😭

Okay so I feel like at first I can't explain it without mentioning the differences with jacksam, and to all jacksam shippers: I love jacksam to bits too and they're so good, as the show has showed us multiple times, but I miss a little spice here 😩🌶️

I will also briefly talk about things I have found in Baalsam fics that I adore in (Fic points)!! And link back to fics I love with (x)!!!!

(Mid-writing note: I realize I say a lot about Baal and less about Sam, and that is because I just think about Baal way much than I think about Sam, mainly because we have so little Baal screentime compared to Sam’s screentime. I often wonder how/what he feels and try to analyze his behavior closely. 🥺 I don’t do it as much with Sam, sadly 😭

1. The ship dynamic scale (totally made up by yours truly, me 😎)

I often describe the ships I prefer as "A is obnoxious and B is struggling to stay sane" (maybe because it is a description of my own relationship??? 🤔) (this is exagerrated for fun and giggles don't worry i am fine and happy). They are all a variation of this, in different levels. I'd say jacksam fits level 1, Jack being obnoxious sometimes but in an endearing, jokingly, "aww you're such a goof 😍😂" way, and Sam's not really struggling, she just laughs and shakes her head, her heart full of love for her man.

Baalsam on the other hand. Oh boy. They are on level 5 out of 5. What the hell. Baal is obnoxious, in the villain way. And that means, a VERY extra way. He's mean obnoxious. Putting salt in the wound obnoxious. "if you don't shut up I will punch your teeth in/shoot you" obnoxious. Sam is struggling every minute to stay sane with this crazy motherfucker. He's SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME. But joke's on her, she also thinks it's funny. 🤡 That's her sanity flying out the window.

Seriously, Sam has to put her foot down. She has to play Baal’s game and sometimes be mean too. I feel like Baalsam allows Sam to unveil her true potential. A strong woman who takes no shit from men and 2000 years old overlords. She can be 200% true, smug, mean. Maybe JackSam respect each other too much they wouldn’t dare saying/doing some things like Baalsam would  🤔 Maybe Sam is restrained by everything she lived with Jack, the respect she has for him, the 10 or so years spent having him as her superior officer.

A lot think that Sam got her smug from Jack, but I don’t agree: she was smug from the get-go in COFG. She just can’t be too smug with him around or it’d sound like insubordination. Aint she tired of being nice? Doesn’t she wanna go apeshit? That’s what baalsam is. Sam going apeshit and quitting being the perfect nice girl.

Baalsam is an explosive volcano and it ravaged me 😩💖💖💖

2. Baal is a Villain

Send him to horny villain jail!!! BONK!!! 💥🔨

Baal being a villain is VERY important. Villains are so extreme. Everything he does, he does way too hard and too much. His evil plans? As layered as an ogre. Onion. I meant onion. His wardrobe? Nothing but the finest. His love? He'd give his Queen the Universe.

I love that. Everything he does, it's too much. But it's so amazing. Urghhj I love it SO MUCH. Sam is overwhelmed 😩💖 All of that for HER?? Damn, boi either really wants to get laid with her especially or.. 🙊‼️ I love the concept of a Villain’s Love because it knows no boundaries. A villain won’t be held back by things like morals, the love they feel is disproportionate......AND I DONT KNOW Sam being able to provoke this kind of feeling in Baal’s little snake heart makes me lose my absolute fucking mind!!!!! 

Very important too: even if he becomes a SGC ally in one way or another in whatever AU, Baal will still keep his good ol' villain habits. Sam would try to tone them down, but they will always be there. You don't erase 2000 years of bad habits 😭. His first solution will be murder, and she will go "we talked about this." Classical Enemies to Lovers shit  🥴💖 (x)

(Fic point: When Baal does something so extreme yet so so soooo damn sweet for her and Sam can’t believe it??? 10/10 Or when he acts on his villain plans for distasteful jokes and that puts Sam on a tight spot and he immediately feels bad at the unfair treatment she gets because of him (x))

3. The endless verbal jousting

I love watching them being mean to each other. If Baal goes too far, she /would/ hit him, and he would turn his other cheek saying "Do it again, loved it". What a freak 🥴🌶️ (x)

Honestly I just love their little sparring matches, even more so when they do it in front of an audience. Like lmao guys..... y'all flirting in front of everyone what the hell!!! BONK !! 💥🔨 horny jail for both of you. At least Teal’c seems to enjoy their jousting  😂 He even teases them holy shit, Teal’c is the true multishipper in that show!!!!

(Fic point: When they argue and come to a fistfight (mostly Sam hitting and Baal taking or blocking the hits)? HELL YEAH!!!!)

4. Admitting the other’s qualities

I’ll start with Baal:

Baal seems to appreciate the courage Sam shows in front of him. You could explain her confidence in The Quest by saying that at this very moment Baal doesn’t have an advantage on Sam since she’s the one holding the gun. There is something else, and I will bring it up later.

Let’s talk about Reckoning!!!! The situation is different, Baal actually called for help whereas he was supposed to kill everyone on Dakara. And here goes the little sparring match in front of Jacob  🤡 Sam ordering Baal around??? Being smug as hell??? 10/10 love it

It’s the first time he sees her and he’s taken aback. He should look mad, having a woman addressing him like that. But he looks rather surprised and curious of what’s going to happen next. I can literally hear the little “Hm. Interesting.” in his head. Baal enjoys that smug look on her face. Tau’ri female who??? Who IS she!!! Quick gotta be a jerk so she won’t suspect I’m crushing super hard right now!!!! Cliff Simon decided Baal will be the horny one among the System Lords and holy shit he did just that 😂😂😂 i’m sorry i’m just incohenrently babbling at this point I CANT BELIEVE THIS, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! you thought that huge ass post was going to be me thoughtfully bringing points and evidence? nope it’s just me losing my shit.

I believe that, despite what Baal says, he recognizes Sam’s intelligence to some extent. He’s just too proud to say it clearly and is too busy testing Sam’s limits. The more I think about it, the more I feel like he really looked for that punch in The Quest. Some kind of... I don’t know... “What makes you so special, as a female Tau’ri, to be on your kind’s elite scout team? How much can you take before you retaliate, if you retaliate at all? Show me what you’re made of.” kind of thing? Baal has shown some kind of interest in Earthlings in the past. He has studied them while living among them and he seems to like how different they are from other humans, Now he knows she’s as fierce as she needs to be to survive in this galaxy.

Have you sEEN his smile and his laugh after she punched him in The Quest? AFTER SHE TURNED HER BACK TO HIM TOO, OH, MY GOD. He really wanted a drastic reaction from her and he got it.

That is a “I love me a woman who can kick my ass” kinda smile if you ask me  👁️w👁️...

What makes me think that it was a test is: after the punch and Sam’s threat to kill him, he stops being so annoying and they can finally work together. But why? Why did he care about being killed? He was a clone, there’s no way he was still hoping to steal the Sangraal from SG-1, so his mission as this one Baal clone couldn’t be fulfilled anyway. That makes me think that he was just testing Sam’s limits, and maybe having a little fun with her.

(Fic point: I LOVE IT when Baal gets access to the SGC and everyone gets on his nerves because he thinks they are all dumb as shit. But when he talks with Sam, he’s not so annoyed. She can keep up with him. Well, sometimes she needs a little help but- Maybe she’s okay to be with sometimes...(x))

Sam’s turn: 

It’s no problem for Sam to admit Baal’s intelligence. However the idea of working with him just makes her go [grimacing emoji]  😭 😭 😭 She just knows he’s gonna be obnoxious pfahahaha But!! She trusts and values his knowledge nonetheless! She knows that teamed up with Baal, they can solve anything. I believe that’s why she asks him for help so easily despite...Well, Baal being Baal.

I feel like, when you put the "it’s a matter of life and death” thing aside, Sam’s desire to learn could push her towards Baal. She knows there is a lot she could learn from him, and they can work together once he stops insulting her every 5 seconds. She can learn from him in those moments.

(Fic point: I love fics where Sam learns things from Baal... It’s usually very sweet, because Sam is absolutely adorable when she’s excited about science and Baal can’t help but melt a little bit when she smiles so bright at him. Thankful.) 

5. Sam’s kindness 

I said earlier that, as we all know, Baal is a villain. But what’s important here is that he is a Goa’uld System Lord. 

No trust, no kindness and love allowed between those guys. Those would leave the door open for treason and low blows. (See Qetesh in Continuum)

(I believe the only Goa’ulds truly in love we saw were Apophis and Amaun’et)

Now what I tell myself is: that must be pretty freaking lonely. In any shape or form. You can’t have friends, because you can only befriend your fellow godlings who will try to kill you at any given opportunity. Same for mates. 🤔 Baal is just alone at the top of his army and that’s all. What if this isn’t enough? He is different from other Goa’ulds.

What if Sam’s genuine worry and thankfulness towards him in Reckoning were the first time he had someone feel those towards him for like, hundreds, or even thousands of years? Not something distorted and stained by any slave-to-god adoration?

He is soooo surprised. He even stutters a little? At a loss for words when faced with kindness, you, galactic overlord? And she looks actually worried about him and his ship about to go down, when before saying thank you, she asks him what’s going on. I like to think that this first interaction shaped what Baal will think and feel for Sam forever....And that it made him a bit soft for her  🥺 Maybe he sees in Sam (and in the rest of SG-1, see: how much fun he’s having with them during The Quest) a possibility for friendship and maybe more, something he hasn’t considered for A WHILE. He seems to be thinking “did she really say that...wait what do I answer to this...uh....Good luck.......ok i said it. damn that was weird.” 

Also can I briefly talk about this??

Why does Sam look so embarrassed in a “Oh god right Dad is right there and saw all of that hUM.” way 😂 I don’t think she felt like it was creepy, since Baal was just responding to her kindness, and she definetely doesn’t want to talk about her being nice to a System Lord with Jacob bjfdjgbfdg

(Fic point: All I can think of is this fic where Sam gets thrown in a prison cell with a badly beaten up Baal (his symbiote is not able to heal his wounds because of a collar he wears), and she refuses to leave him there to die. They escape together 😭💖💖💖 (x))

6. Sam knows Baal will never hurt her

Maybe this is a result of Sam’s kindness in Reckoning, but Baal made it clear to Sam that he would never hurt her directly. And this is what I was referring to when I said “there’s something else” in Sam’s confidence in confronting Baal. This line below activates all of my monkey braincells because what the hell!!!!

That’s “I kinda like you” in Villain language is it not????? Out of all the things Baal could have answered to “You can kill me if you want”, he decides to say “I would never dream of killing you.” with a voice so soft... oh my god. Talking about soft....

Is it me or Baal’s touch on Sam is kind of gentle....like he doesn’t hold her wrist too tight or anything,,,,  🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭💖💖💖 Because honestly, another Goa’uld would have yanked on her arm so hard to put their hands on that hard drive but no no no he just closes his hand on her wrist and lets her go gently when she pulls out of his grip and AM I OVERANALYZING THIS?????? IM SORRY I GOT THAT TRAIT FROM MY DAD!!!!!!! we just have that tendency to watch things over and over again to notice all the small detailsssss

I like to think that afterwards, once the heat of the moment gone, she noticed that, hey. He /could/ have hurt her very badly, she was at his mercy after all. But he decided against it. Maybe because she’s the only one who’s been nice to him for literal cenTURIES????? HHHNHNHNHNHN I CANT!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE SHE NOTICED IT!!!! And that it’s why she’s so confident addressing him like she does in The Quest.

I think I’ve addressed pretty much everything here and I’m going to talk about more things I like about BaalSam but more on the headcanon side  🤔

Miscellaneous: 

About Baal’s host:

I have said multiple times that Baal is different from other Goa’ulds, and I really don’t think it is just an act. 

He is willing to break the god act, change strategies when he realizes there are better ways to proceed, searching for new allies in drastic situations, etc etc... Baal is way more human than other Goa’ulds.

What if that was because Baal let his host’s thoughts influence his own?

Why wouldn’t there be asshole humans wanting to be hosts to asshole Goa’uld symbiotes? Just like the Tok’ra, but on the villain side? (even if Tok’ras are assholes lol) (except Jacob. I love Jacob) (And Martouf) (I don’t like Martouf but he’s the only one with Jacob that I consider a Real Tok’ra) (The other ones are hypocrites) (ANYWAY!)

I love to think that when Baal doesn’t have the flanged voice, it is his host who speaks, as Tok’ras do. I know symbiotes don’t have to talk with the flanged voice but. Having Baal and his host thinking so alike that it doesn’t matter if it’s the host or the symbiote talking makes so much sense to me. It really could explain his different way of thinking. Baal has shown curiosity for humans and how they think, how to better manipulate them...What if it was because of the good experience he has with his host? It could also explain why he’s the horny one amongst the System Lords 😂 He is just very human in a lot of ways.

Now you’re like “ok but what does that have to do with Baalsam” AND YEAH I HEAR YOU !!!! I just think it may be easier to imagine Baalsam for a non-shipper if you see Baal in that light?  🤔 🤔 🤔 it sure helps Sam seeing herself with him in fics 🥴 I don’t know!!! We know so little about Baal, and there are so many possibilites. I’m going way out of the Baalsam remit but at the same time, I strongly believe those who don’t understand the ship are those who stop their analysis of Baal at Abyss. He is so much more than just “that one Goa’uld who tortured and killed Jack in that one episode”. Baal has so much potential that makes this ship work!! Sam seeing that potential makes this ship work!

Sam hosting Baal (yes, the symbiote):

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO!!! This is something I LOVE to bits!!

That’s a thing that is great if as I said, Baal and his host are on the same wavelength. But it can work without it nonetheless.

Sam hosting Baal, consensual or not, is always ALWAYS such an amazing trope. (x) It’s really something that makes me hyperventilate because it makes them so close...so blended...it’s infinitely intimate... When Baal is in love with Sam, it’s even better. (x) I almost can’t describe it because it is so wonderful. Being able to feel each other’s feelings. Baal healing Sam from inside when she’s injured. Sam deciphering his emotions and most importantly the affection he has for her, especially when he still haven’t confessed it? holy shit it’s SO DAMN GOOD!!!!! The silent conversations they can have within Sam’s head, Baal pouring Goa’uld knowledge into Sam’s mind. It’s just the two of them and I can’t express how comforting that is to read.

i don’t know, random stuff I like i guess, I’m almost done: 

He just really craves her attention huh. Look at that smile, so cute...”I’m smart! Did you know I’m smart as hell? Of course you did. But I Would Like You To Acknowledge It.” He’s even bouncing on his heels, i love when he does that!!!! He is turning towards Sam especially too  😭💖 and she’s just ê____ê LMFAO

(Maybe this is just another “it is my speciality and not yours” moment but hey i like to give him the benefit of the doubt 💖)

Baal being “I’m tired of being a villain, I want to be loved now”...Aren’t you tired of going apeshit? Don’t you want to be nice? just a little bit?

Baal using so much petnames so easily... i’m usually not a fan of those but having him saying “my love, my sweet” etc etc oh fuck!!!!! i don’t know wHY it gets me!!! 

A lot of Baalsam fics are smutty, and while I enjoy that, I still think they have so much potential on the spiritual level. They’re both nerds and they both have so many things to learn from the other. (x)

Baal taking Sam on his ship to show her some neat space stuff.

Baal loving motorcycles just like Sam and modifying engines with naqadah.

Guess i’m just gonna link to fics I love now nvkjfdg and that I haven’t linked to already--

In the Lap of the Gods - Rating: M - Sam gets stuck in a sarcophagus with Baal. Really well thought fic, I love it!!!

The Mating game - Rating: M - Ten dates. Can I call this slow burn? It’s slow but not too slow. Please read this, it’s hilarious and so well written like- this fic makes me lose my absolute shit!

The Mating Game: Endgame - Rating: E - Read after The Mating Game. Honestly yEAH!!! Amazing sequel to an already amazing prequel, what else can I say 😩💖 you got some Host!Sam action in this too!!

Enemy Amongst Us - Rating: E - Hmmmm Sam falling for Baal is always yummy 🥴 It has more than that, it’s pretty wild!!!!!!

Those are not all but they are the ones i prefer 🥺💖💖💖 (along the ones I linked during the essay) 

I think I’m done? Congratulations for reading all of this lmao  😭💖 I hope you can see why I love Baalsam so much now!! They are just SO MUCH FUN!!! 

feel free to send me asks and stuff about this TvT/

#stargate sg1 #baalsam #samantha carter #baal #my thoughts #that was long but fun #i dont think im bringing anything new to this part of the fandom but heyyyyyyyy #*daniel voice* anyway i'm sorry but that's how i feel about it!!!!! what do you think????? #in conclusion: THEY ARE HILARIOUS. that's it #i could have just said that #but i didnt #me*baalsam