#it's just. it can be really difficult to accept a label. because it can feel like aligning yourself somewhere you don't want to be

[sunfoxfic]

(if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable answering this, that's totally fine! /g) a couple of times, you've mentioned your dad being autistic. if you don't mind, could you share how he told you/how long you knew? (i'm. struggling a lot with internalized ableism over my diagnosis and you're always open and kind, so i just thought i'd ask. no worries if not!!)

The only people in my family who have received a professional diagnosis for anything are my sister and my aunt (dad's sister), who are both diagnosed ADHD. My dad's diagnosis came from my sister's therapist, which, I have feelings about because my sister tends to diagnose people in her efforts to "fix" them (and she's done this to me, many times, to my face, after I told her to stop). My sister was talking to her therapist about my dad when the therapist was like, "Could he possibly be autistic?" And my sister brought it up to my dad, and it just clicked.

I knew essentially from right after that point, and that was only a couple years ago, in 2020, I think, maybe 2021. We've been pretty open about it in general as a family, and I've always been the same as my dad in many ways. By this point, independent of any of this, I was pretty sure I was autistic, too.

For me, the stress of "coming out" as autistic, if it makes sense, or even just admitting it to myself, is very much so tied to my sister and how she spent so long insistent on diagnosing me. This goes back to a pattern of behavior between us, where I feel like my identity has always been defined by my relationship to my sister. I talked a little bit about that here. Feeling as though I'm being put into another box by her is a hugely difficult thing for me, so the fact that telling people - admitting to people - that I'm autistic would come after she said, "Hey, I think you're autistic," means that it's really difficult for me to want to do that. I'd just be putting myself in another box that she created for me, even if that's not the case at all.

(I have a similar issue with accepting any queer identities or labels, and why even the label - catch all, general, nonspecific - of "queer" is difficult for me to accept. My sister is a lesbian and she's spent a lot of time trying to convince me that I'm not straight, as though I don't have the introspection to do that work on my own, as though I haven't done that work on my own when I absolutely have. I wrote about that a little bit here.)

I'm sorry if I don't have more help for you, anon. My life and trauma have been largely defined by my sister - even the trauma that I hold my parents responsible for ultimately boils down to "they should have protected me better from my sister." My relationship with my dad has been rocky since 2020, but it's pretty much at a good place now, and for me, it made sense to know that my dad was autistic because me and my dad had been the same for all my life.

#asks answered #anonymous #ask to tag #personal #it sounds like maybe we're both struggling with how our labels have been impacted by the people around us #but in very different ways #one thing that's become really important to me about all my labels is understanding that those are just the start #even if i'm autistic in the same way my dad is. i'm not human in the same way my dad is. #even if i'm queer in the same way my sister is. i'm not human in the same way my sister is. #it can be really hard to feel like you're the same as the people who hurt you #frankly. when you're like me and you staked your 14 year old identity on how different you were from anyone else #it can be really hard to feel like you're the same as anyone #because then where does that leave your individuality? #labels are a jumping off point. they're the lowest common denominator. and sometimes it doesn't feel that way #but it's true nonetheless #communities of minorities are about solidarity #i think sometimes that gets lost in translation but it's still true #it's not ''we're the same and that's why we stick together'' #but ''we stick together because we can help each other not get hurt even if we're all different'' #it's just. it can be really difficult to accept a label. because it can feel like aligning yourself somewhere you don't want to be #but the label is just the start. everyone is so much more than the labels they use. #and it can be really hard to understand that #which is why even as i've grown closer and closer to accepting labels #i don't put those labels out for everyone to see #(i think it's much more telling that i'm a fiona frost fan than that i'm autistic which is why that's in my bio) #(though admittedly i would imagine that most fiona frost fans are autistic so) #but even when i do tell people about my labels. it's with the understanding that i'm more than those #other people sometimes don't realize that but i know it

[klausysworld]

I don’t know why but I really want something with Klaus breaking reads heart.

Maybe…. Reader and Cami have been kidnapped and Klaus has to choose who to save. He chooses Cami but before reader can be killed Elijah saves her.

Left for dead

Living with the originals was hard enough. Between the betrayals and the wars just within the family was overwhelming let alone outsiders going out of their way to destroy each of them.

Being with Klaus was already difficult, between his mood swings and temper tantrum’s he wasn't an easy person to love and yet I did.

Even when I realised he was in love with someone else, even whilst knowing he was kissing someone else, I didn't leave him. I loved him with everything in me whether it was killing me or not.

I had offered my life for his, I took life for his and I ruined my own life for his. With Klaus came his family and I did everything I could to welcome them as my own. Even after I found out that his sister knew that he was seeing someone else.

Hope was treated the way I would treat my own daughter and I loved more than anyone else to walk the planet. Maybe that was why I stayed, for Hope. Or maybe that’s what I tell myself because how could I have been pathetic enough to stay for a an who only saw me as a warm body.

For some reason I had it in my head that perhaps he loved both me and Camille. Maybe he thought I wouldn't accept it and so he kept it a secret but surely after everything he should know that I would never try to change him or invalidate his feelings. It was stupid to be okay with him seeing Cami behind my back, I was blinded by something I had created in my mind.

I would smile when Cami was near and I tried to talk to Klaus but he labelled me paranoid and brushed it off. So I thought maybe he regretted it and he didn't want me to know because he wanted to stop. Maybe he did still love me.

This was the ultimate test really.

Both myself and Camille were beaten until black, blue and bloody. A loop of our cries and screams echoed through my mind and bounced against the walls of whatever dungeon we were seemingly chained within. I had no way of knowing how long we had been there but my body and soul felt such a sense of relief when Klaus's voice rang through the building. That feeling only lasted a few seconds before our captures taunting replayed in my head:

"Klaus will choose between you both, he will decide who lives or dies. He may think that he can have it all, have you both but I won't let him well. Whichever one he chooses, the guilt from the other will eat away at him, he won't be able to stay with the other. You will all end up broken and alone." he had whispered cruelly.

Her heart pounded in her throat as she watched Klaus approach them both, his hands coated in red as he forced the bars that separated us apart and went to step through only to let out a gasp and drop to his knees. The with who had tortured us for however long appeared from thin air in front of Klaus and I automatically pulled my legs to my chest to hide in the corner.

"Only one of them leaves" he stated, a grin on his face. "I don't care which but you will choose one or they both die and the next to go missing will be your daughter"

At his words Klaus let out a vicious snarl and attempted to lurch forward at the man but a sharp pain forced its way to his head and caused a loud yell of pain to burst from within him.

I could feel my eyes burning with another flow of tears just watching his pain, knowing what he felt. I could see Cami staring straight at me. Over our time in here together she had often brought up Klaus's ultimatum, I told her that I knew that they loved each other. I told her that he would choose her. She was certain that I was wrong and that Klaus didn't love her but just used her as a release. But I knew what Klaus looked like when he was in love. Even so part of me hoped she was right, it was a dark thought, a horrible hope that I wish I didn't have but I really wanted it to be true.

I looked back to Camille, a tight lipped smile that was probably more of a grimace formed on my lips as I mouthed the words 'it'll be okay' to her and her head shook as tears slipped down her cheeks.

Cami was sweet, she was lovely and I loathed it. She wanted to die instead of me, she said I deserved to live more than she did. That I was Hope's second mother I was apart of the Mikaelsons. She apologised for ever being with Klaus and it just made me feel worse. I thought that maybe they were lies, maybe she secretly hoped that Klaus would choose her and I would be left to die.

I couldn't tell and it didn't really matter anymore. Not when I realised that Klaus was right in front of me. I felt a small spark of hope as his arms wrapped around me and he pulled my close to his chest. A soft sniffle left him and his lips pressed to the side and top of my head

"I'm so sorry" his voice whispered with a crack and I went to tell him it was okay before I felt him pulling away and I realised what he was apologising for "forgive me" he uttered as he made his way to Cami.

My eyes stayed blurry with tears but they didn't fall as a complete feeling of numbness spread throughout me completely. I could hear my captures sickening laugh spin around me and I could hear Camille asking Klaus what he was doing.

"Klaus- go back to her" she whispered but he shook his head

"I love you" he admitted and a bitter laugh left my lips. I covered my mouth with my hands and pressed my forehead against my knees. I shouldn’t have been surprised and I shouldn’t have been so upset. I knew he loved her, I knew he would choose but for some reason it hurt so much more when he actually confirmed it.

I could hear Camille apologising to me as Klaus lifted her up, carrying her to a safety I thought I would never again know.

As soon as they left hands were on me, grabbing and dragging me by my hair to force me to crawl wherever he wanted me. Uncontrollable pain shot through me continuously and I had no time to comprehend the sobs that shook my body. I felt my back arch painfully, almost breaking but not quite, my head was forced back so my neck was bared and a sharp knife went to the edge of my neck.

"it's unfortunate really..." the voice uttered before the blade began to sink into my throat. My eyes closed and I welcomed the quick death but the pressure stopped and a thud sounded from before me.

Fingers pressed to the place the knife had began to cut, a familiar scent engulfed me and an arm circled my waist.

"You're alright darling" the voice whispered, pulling me into an embrace making me grab onto the back of his suit silently. "He's gone now Y/n. You're safe." he murmured softly, rubbing my back before i felt him pull back a little bit. My eyes slowly cracked open to see his face, his deep dark eyes boring into mine with a knowing look of pity. Silently I watched as an array of reds and purples scattered under his chocolate brown eyes and his pearly fangs dipped into the tough skin of his wrist. The fresh wound was lifted to my lips and I accepted the metallic taste with a sigh. I drank for much longer than I needed, I expected he would pull be off but his hand only pet the back of my head gently

"Good girl" he whispered "just heal". His touch made my heart hurt and I didn't bother trying to stop the tears from falling anymore. My hands clutched onto his jacket desperately and I gulped his blood down as though it was water.

Soft touches were given to the skin of my face before his silk handkerchief cleaned at the dirt and dried blood that had dripped down my neck. Reluctantly I pulled away from his wrist and licked my lips clean. He wiped his own wrist and tucked the material away into his pocket. Elijah proceeded to pull the jacket off of his body and instead wrapped it around my shoulders. The inside was warm and smelt of home.

My eyes felt heavy with exhaustion and I gave him a tired smile making him frown.

"I'll bring you home now okay?" he whispered but I shook my head

"I can't go back" I muttered "I won't stay with him anymore. I should have left ages ago" I admitted and his eyes grew glossier.

"Where should I take you?" He asked gently and I shrugged

"Airport? Train station? I don't care just don't tell anyone you saved me? Please?" I begged softly and he nodded.

"I'll give you whatever you need" he promised "anything"

#the originals #klaus mikaelson #the vampire diaries #klaus mikealson fanfiction #klaus mikaelson one shot #klaus mikaleson imagine #klaus mikaelson x reader #rebekah mikaelson #the vampire diares imagine #niklaus imagines #tvd klaus #elijah mikaelson #klaus m #klaus mikaelson x y/n #kol mikaelson #niklaus mikaelson #klaus michaelson #tvd universe #hope mikaelson #klaus mikaelson headcanon #klaus mikaelson fluff #klaus mikaelson yandere #klaus mikealson smut #klaus mikaelson x yn #elijah mikealson one shot #klaus mikealson x reader #klaus angst #tvdu angst #angst no happy ending #elijah x reader

[i-amyou]

I hate saying this because I’m going to sound like someone that hasn’t accepted that this is all an illusion and THAT, but I swear it isn’t. Just bare with me for this short time, pls

I’m watching my life fall apart before my eyes. And I feel so hopeless rn. because it’s like, for example, 2 minutes before something CATASTROPHIC happens in my life, you would have found me just living in peace, in full bliss, just enjoying my presence as awareness. Like I be feeling SO good (Ik there’s no “I” to feel, but I have to use these limiting terms), then boom. Something crazy happens, and not in a good way, and it always leaves me feeling super shitty and bad and it makes me forget everything I’ve learned in my “journey”. It’s getting worse every time, my body feels anxious, physically aching.

And this all feels so backfiring for me, because I feel like I can’t do anything. Even when I accept that this is still all me, and I could “seemingly control” it all and make everything fine again, I feel like I can’t, at least that’s what happens when I decide I’m not going to experience something like that anymore. It simply doesn’t happen. It’s like all I do is try and try, when in the moment, it doesn’t feel like trying AT ALL. So I really don’t know what i am doing wrong.

Like okay. It’s all illusory, but why does the illusion still have to be so shitty and stressful to the point it makes me forget everything/who I truly am? I feel like I just wanna cry and get into a spiral rn, sorry for venting

Breathe. Inhale, exhale, breathe. It's okay, everything is. You're Okay. All appearances are only seeming, you're safe. Nothing, no experience ever has any power to harm you, okay? Breathe and stay with me here❤

If you feel like crying, Do it. Don't hold yourself back, just because you believe you're supposed to be All Knowing Omnipotent being. Don't be so hard on yourself, your experience is still THAT. Your tears, your sorrows, everything is only seeming. Breathe. And observe it all.

This need to do something, the frustration, the hopelessness you're experiencing right now? It's also very much YOU experiencing YOURSELF. Because everything is " " by nature. Take away all the labels and you'll be left with nothing, you cannot really define Or describe anything. It just IS.

"I'm doing something wrong" a seemingly appearing thought.

"Illusion is shitty" another seemingly appearing thought.

"To the point it makes me forget who I really am" A thought. You see where I'm getting with this?

This experience must be very difficult for you, I understand. But nothing can stop you from being " ". You're always THAT, regardless of everything.

Effortlessly noticing and observing is your nature, by default. You can't stop that, it doesn't come with a switch to turn it off.

But I need you to be aware of being aware, okay? Notice this. How you've always been only aware. All experiences have been through awareness. There is no "I" That could've possibly gotten hurt in any way, if doesn't exist.

Breathe. Don't focus too much on pointers, focus instead on where they're pointing. You're okay. No matter what happens, whatever you experience, breeze through it.

Notice. Be aware. Rest in that awareness.

#ask #nothingness #consciousness #awareness #beingness #advaita vedanta #nondualism #realisation #nonduality #advaita

[yeoosaangg]

Love Me Harder || Kinktober - Day 30

pairing ▸ choi yeonjun × choi beomgyu × f!reader

now playing ▸ love me harder - ariana grande, the weeknd

⤷ ❝if you know about me and choose to stay, then take this pleasure and take it with the pain.❞

genre ▸ non-idol au, smut

warnings ▸ bondage, daddy kink, voyeurism, spanking, free use, throat fucking, gagging, praise, fingering, breeding, dumbification

--------

You are a young reporter that was assigned to do a story on bondage and BDSM, so you've agreed to be a bondage slave for a week to see what it's really like.

So far, you've read and signed three different contracts: one for consent, another for safety, and a third listing different kinks that you've modified to your liking.

Yeonjun: Before we start, I have some things to go over with you.

Beomgyu: Me too.

You smile at both men, thinking they look great together. There's so much love between them, it makes you wonder why they accepted the offer.

Yeonjun: I'll be giving you a rundown of the seven days you'll be living here and what to expect to avoid accidentally triggering you.

That's very considerate of him.

Beomgyu: But before that, I wanted you to know that it's been a while since I've let my dominant side take over. I may take it too far, so I want to let you know in advance that using the safety cues we've established is very much encouraged.

You nod slowly, registering the information in your head. You can tell he's genuine and truly does not want to scare or hurt you at all.

Beomgyu: I've been with Yeonjun for a long time, but he's a true dom while I'm a switch. It's difficult to navigate around it because there are days where I'm feeling particularly dominant myself but have no way to release it.

Yeonjun: It's true. Those days it's hard to figure out if he's just resisting to be a bratty sub or if he's just not feeling particularly submissive.

Beomgyu: Those days I have to call out the safe word so he knows not to push me. So when we saw your advertisement online, we thought it'd be a step in figuring out if a polyamorous relationship is what's needed.

That's a lot to take in, but it at least gives you insight to why they accepted this arrangement.

You hope one day they'll be able to establish a system that coincides with their needs. This makes good coverage for your article as well.

Yeonjun: Monday will be your trial run. You'll get to sit back and watch how Beomgyu and I navigate our relationship with each other. This is the only day we won't be sexual with you.

Sounds fair.

Yeonjun: The two days following, you'll be splitting chores and wearing matching clothes with Beomgyu. This is when I get to play with both of you sexually. But it'll start off lightly as to not push your limits.

You nod.

You read the contracts and it was clear they did, too. You trust them to treat you well.

Beomgyu: The following three days, you'll be my personal human fuckdoll. I get to dress you, feed you, and bathe you - basically take care of you as I wish whether it's sexual or not. Yeonjun will not be joining us until the very last day.

Wow, okay.

The room was suddenly getting hot.

Yeonjun: And for your last day, we'll both be fucking you. You will be ours to use however we see fit. This will possibly be the most extreme we'll be, so make sure to remember you have options to opt out.

Y/n: I understand.

Yeonjun: Great. We've already got your room situated. It's late, so we'll let you get some sleep.

Y/n: Thank you.

You stand up and bow before heading upstairs to the guest room. Your name was written on a white board, which hangs off a hook.

You have to remind yourself that this is for your job, nothing more.

Monday:

Beomgyu knocks on your door at 7AM on the dot. You were already showered and dressed in the clothes labeled for the day.

They definitely prepared everything in advance, which must've taken a lot of work.

Beomgyu: Good morning, Miss Y/n.

He giggles as he shows off his pink dress.

He had his hair in pigtails with pick ribbon wrapped around the band.

He looks adorable.

Y/n: You look pretty, Beomgyu.

Beomgyu: Thank you, Miss Y/n. And please, call me Beomie.

You nod while smiling.

Y/n: Well, Beomie, let's go eat breakfast.

He intertwines your hands together and walks with you down the stairs.

You both are greeted with the smell of pancakes and a shirtless Yeonjun. He was wearing grey sweats and an apron.

Yeonjun: Good morning, Y/n. I see my princess has grown attached to you already.

Beomgyu: Miss Y/n called me pretty.

Yeonjun: And she's right. Come give Daddy a kiss.

Beomgyu skips to his boyfriend and gives him a deep kiss, bodies pressed up against each other.

Yeonjun: Sit down with Y/n so she's not lonely.

Breakfast was comfortable to say the least. They included you in the conversation and kept you entertained until Yeonjun inevitably left for work.

You spent the next few hours watching Beomgyu clean the house and do the laundry. He did everything with a smile on his face, almost like he enjoyed being a housewife.

Beomgyu: Miss Y/n, would you like to watch some movies with me?

Y/n: Of course I would.

He let you choose what to watch and loved every single one.

He got a few texts from Yeonjun, mostly to check up on him.

Beomgyu thought it'd be fun to rile him up, so he asked you to take pictures of him in very provocative poses to send.

And Yeonjun's response got Beomgyu all hot and horny.

He was advised not to touch himself, but that only made the younger want to do it even more. And now that you're here, maybe he won't get as bad of a punishment.

So he spreads his legs open, holding his panties to the side as he works himself open. You only watched and filmed him, sending the videos when he asks.

So when nighttime comes and Yeonjun gets back home, he's got his boyfriend bent over the couch with his cock deep inside him.

This was after a series of intense belt whoopings.

Yeonjun: Such a fucking brat. Think Y/n's gonna stop me from fucking you stupid? Of course not.

You just watch them from the other end of the couch. Beomgyu was bent over the arm rest, dress still on as he gets drilled from behind.

Yeonjun didn't even strip down, work pants open enough for his cock to spring free.

You can see drool falling out of Beomgyu's mouth as Yeonjun slams his hips harder against his ass.

Yeonjun: Look at you, a whimpering mess for my cock. You like the idea of being watched by Y/n, don't you.

Beomgyu nods, looking up at you. This only make his back arch more. Yeonjun's cock hits his prostate, making the younger scream.

Yeonjun: Gonna cum for me, princess?

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Yeonjun chuckles and reaches around to pump his boyfriend's aching cock until he dirties the couch. He cums deep inside Beomgyu not too long after.

Beomgyu: I love you, Daddy.

Yeonjun: I know, baby. Sorry if I was too rough on you.

Beomgyu: S'Okay. I love when you fuck me like a slut.

They both clean each other up, getting ready for bed. You dismiss yourself and spend the rest of the night masturbating.

All of that riled you up more than you thought possible. You can't wait for what tomorrow will bring.

Tuesday:

Beomgyu once again knocks on your door right on the dot. But this time, both of you were wearing matching blue dresses with blue ribbons in your hair.

Beomgyu: You look pretty, Y/n.

You giggle and give him a spin. A fond smile pulls at his lips.

Y/n: Thank you, Beomie.

Beomgyu once again holds your hand as you walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Yeonjun greets both of you with a kiss on the forehead.

Yeonjun: Good morning, my little doves. I'll be working from home today.

Beomgyu: Really?!

Yeonjun: Yes, my precious baby. That means I get to be with you two all day.

Y/n: Sounds wonderful, Mr. Yeonjun.

You guys sit down and eat the eggs and sausage he's prepared. After finishing, you and Beomgyu wash the dishes; he rinses and you dry.

Halfway through, you feel Yeonjun press up against you from behind. His cock was out, rubbing in between your thighs.

Yeonjun: Look at you, being a good girl and washing the dishes.

Beomgyu giggles next to you. He can see you getting shy and needy.

Yeonjun bends you over the sink just enough so you can still dry the dishes. He pulls your panties to the side so his cock slides up and down your folds.

He slaps your ass, watching it bounce back.

Yeonjun: Want me to fuck you, darling?

You grab the plate from Beomgyu's hands and try your best to dry it. But you just feel so good.

Y/n: Yes, Mr. Yeonjun.

And who is he to deny you?

Yeonjun: Princess, why don't you stop for a second to kiss my darling? I bet you want to drink up all her moans as Daddy pounds into her cunt.

Beomgyu dries his hands before pressing his chest into your side. He pulls your face closer to him and kisses you at the same time Yeonjun shoves his cock inside you.

You moan into Beomgyu's mouth, his tongue exploring every inch of your warm mouth.

Yeonjun pulls your dress underneath your braless tits, squeezing them. He lightly smacks your nipples, moaning against your ear.

Yeonjun: Play with her pussy, baby.

Beomgyu's right hand travels down to your clit, swallowing a whine that slipped out from the back of your throat. The stimulation from both men was sending you over the edge.

Yeonjun: I think she wants to cum, princess. Let me hear her beg.

Beomgyu steps back from you, hand still rubbing your pussy.

Y/n: Can I please cum, Mr. Yeonjun. Feels so good.

Yeonjun: What do you think, Beoms? Does Y/n deserve to cum yet?

Beomgyu: She does, Daddy. She's been good.

Yeonjun: You're right, baby, she has. Go ahead, darling. Cum all over my big dick.

Beomgyu presses his finger against your clit to help you cum while Yeonjun rams his cock along your gummy walls. The knot in your stomach undoes itself, leaking around the thick cock inside you.

Yeonjun pulls out of you and has you fall to your knees in front of him. He pumps his cock a few times before cumming on your tongue.

Yeonjun: Swallow it.

You gulp down everything, showing him a clean mouth.

Yeonjun: Good girl.

You get up and get back to doing the dishes.

Beomgyu easily continues his task while Yeonjun fucks him. This must be a regular occurrence on the days Yeonjun stays home.

Beomgyu walks around with Yeonjun's cum leaking down his legs as you both split the chores. You're on laundry duty while Beomgyu cleans the bathroom.

Yeonjun sits in his office doing paperwork for his company. He honestly doesn't have to be there all the time given that he's the CEO.

Both you and Beomgyu come together to make Yeonjun lunch.

He has you two ride him when the stress gets to him. You both cum on him, leaving him a gasping mess. He still has to finish work, but he wants more of you two.

Yeonjun: Princess, please help Y/n into some rope. I'll meet you downstairs in fifteen minutes. You two better be on your knees when I get down there.

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Beomgyu grabs your hand and leads you down to their basement.

Y/n: What's downstairs?

Beomgyu: Daddy's Red Room. He built it himself.

You tilt your head, following behind him until your socked feet land on soft material. He switches the light on and the sight shocks you.

It was a BDSM sex dungeon with all sorts of thing.

Beomgyu: What color of rope would you like?

You look at the four options in his hands and decide to keep the theme of the day: blue.

He takes both of your clothes off, his touch lingering on your body as he takes in your fully naked body for the first time.

He can't wait until his turn with you.

He starts wrapping the rope around your body. He obviously knows how to make sure it's tight enough to stay on your body, but loose enough to not cut your blood circulation.

Beomgyu: You look beautiful, Y/n.

You smile shyly, looking away slightly.

He helps you onto the very comfortable bed, sitting you on your knees. You watch him tie some rope around himself, kneeling right next to you.

Yeonjun's footsteps eventually echo down the stairs until he makes it to the bottom.

He takes in the sight of you two pliantly waiting for him. You walks over and pulls Beomgyu into his chest by the ropes.

Yeonjun: Suck my cock.

His boyfriend kneels down, immediately taking his cock and deep throating him.

Yeonjun: Come here, darling.

You walk over to him and gasp when he bends you over Beomgyu's head. His fingers work you open, knuckles deep inside your swollen pussy.

Yeonjun reaches down with the other hand and pushes Beomgyu's head all the way down, tip hitting the back of his throat. You can hear him gag while you squirt on Yeonjun's fingers.

Y/n: Feels so food, Mr. Yeonjun.

He smacks your ass twice before making you stand properly. He cums down Beomgyu's throat, pulling him up by his throat.

Yeonjun: Both of you get on the bed, on all fours.

You two immediately do as he says, backs arched for him to see your holes.

He grabs two different hooks, and brings them down to both of you.

Yeonjun: This might be uncomfortable. Feel free to say the safe word if it's a no-go.

It was an anal hook.

He covers your hole in lube, using his fingers to work you open. He doesn't stop until you're gaping.

Beomgyu watches as his boyfriend slowly inserts the hook, your hole closing in around the end.

Yeonjun: God, that's so beautiful.

Beomgyu: So perfect.

You whine at the new feeling. Yeonjun presses a button, the chain rattling as it suspends your lower half in the air. You let out whimpers of pain, worrying both men.

Beomgyu: Are you okay? Should we take it off?

You shake your head, biting your bottom lip.

Y/n: Feels good.

Yeonjun massages your ass to soothe your aching pain.

He suspends Beomgyu by the ropes, ass hanging in the air. He reaches over to hold your hand.

To keep you grounded!

Because he saw the glazed look in your eyes.

At least that's what he told himself.

Yeonjun takes turns in fucking both of you to exhaustion, watching slump down while he fucks you two dumb.

Yeonjun: Should I breed the new pet, princess? Watch my cum spill out of her hole then fuck it back into her womb? Or should I spill it into your greedy asshole?

Beomgyu whines, Yeonjun's cock repeatedly hitting his prostate.

Beomgyu: Breed the angel.

Yeonjun: You like the idea of me fucking my babies into someone else?

Beomgyu: Yes, Daddy.

Yeonjun: Then cum for me so I can fill her pussy with my seed.

Beomgyu tiredly reaches for his own cock and uses Yeonjun's thrusts to spill his cum all over the satin sheets. He just slumps, Yeonjun unhooking him.

You scream when he suddenly slams his cock into you. His balls hit your clit, hips stuttering when he feels you squeeze around him.

Yeonjun: Can't even make sounds anymore, too far gone to even move. But your cunt is still hungry for my cock, darling. Why don't you cum for me, hm?

It was an automatic response, pussy squirting on his big and veiny cock. He spills inside you, fucking it as deep as he could.

You don't even register when he frees you from the hook, cleaning both you and Beomgyu up with a towel.

He carries you both upstairs to the main bathroom where the tub was big enough for both of you.

Beomgyu was coherent enough to help wash you up, but you were out of it. Everything felt fuzzy and tingles ran up your arms.

Your entire body hurts, but mostly your lower half. If you're already this far gone, how the hell were you going to survive the rest of the week?

---

a/n: decided to make this a two parter since i'm sleep deprived. it'll be out in november! thanks for reading ‹𝟹

#kinktober #kpop kinktober #kpop smut #tomorrow by together #tomorrow x together #txt yeonjun #txt yeonjun smut #txt imagines #txt oneshots #txt au #txt smut #txt drabbles #txt beomgyu #choi yeonjun #choi yeonjun smut #choi beomgyu #choi beomgyu smut #yeonjun smut #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun x you #yeonjun x y/n #beomgyu #beomgyu smut #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu x you #beomgyu x female reader #yeonjun choi #beomgyu choi #beomjun

[scretladyspider]

“Why is there a need for microlabels like demisexual or gray ace? Isn’t that just the asexuality spectrum? Why not just say you’re asexual?”

Let’s talk about the asexuality spectrum and why specificity in labels under asexuality can make a difference—

Asexuality refers to “little to no sexual attraction”. For some aces (short for asexuals), the ‘no sexual attraction’ part of that definition completely serves their needs in a queer label. This is the definition most unfamiliar with asexuality immediately think of.

And I want to be clear that that’s great! It’s a wonderful thing that there’s a word for ‘no sexual attraction’ and that we have more resources addressing this difference as a sexual orientation. Labels are tools. If you find one you like, that resonates with you, use it!

The expectation for sexual attraction is ever present. In the words of Alice Olivia Scarlett, “Love without sex is a difficult concept for society…there are still people who believe that sex is a biological need of the same importance as food and water.”

Our world demands sexual attraction — most often cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic attraction to the opposite gender. This expectation exists in queer spaces also, even if gender and sexual orientation are less rigid. Asexuality proudly counters that.

Celebrating differences in a world that says you shouldn’t exist is literally life saving. According to Healthline, “a 2019 study found that LGBTQ people who reported more connectedness to the LGBTQ community were less likely to report suicidal behavior.”

Returning to the definition of asexuality: there are people with no sexual attraction who are served by that part of the definition. They are the black stripe on the asexual flag. There are four stripes —black, gray, white, and purple.

That gray stripe allows for the spectrum, for those experiences that may include rare and/or conditional sexual attraction. This is the reason the definition includes “little to” in its “little to no sexual attraction”. Asexuality with an asterisk, an exception.

In 2003, AVEN founder David Jay proposed semisexual:

“If anyone wants to play a fun game, go to some queer-ass conference (called something like “transcending boundaries”) and play a game where you try to think up a term/identity for every letter of the alphabet. When you do you’ll be forced to think up new, interesting ideas like: Semisexual. It occurs to me that we’ve got a spectrum of sexual intensity, but we don’t yet have a word for those who are halfway in between asexual and full-force sexual. I’d say that this is extremely important: right now we don’t have a way to talk about people who are asexual but maybe feel like being sexual once a year, or sexual people who are just relatively uninterested and don’t know what to do about it. Thoughts?”

This lead to further discussion on asexuality being viewed as a spectrum. In 2006, AVEN forum user KSpaz coined the term “gray A” to refer to a “fuzzy” connection to asexuality. Many others related to this “fuzzy” experience and it became accepted as graysexual/gray ace:

“Alright, so don't know if this term is already around, but if not, I'm coining it now.Gray-A. Is there really a line at which point you are asexual?According to our logo there isn't. Just fuzziness.So, this thread I dedicate to our fuzzy members who may sometimes feel unsure of their asexuality/sexuality.Share your views, stories, whatever makes you think you'd like to call yourself Gray-A.I'll start:In simple terms, I have hetero attractions, can experience physical pleasure, and am indifferent (as opposed to repulsed) to the idea of having sex if it is with someone I care for (though can't imagine it for any situation without utmost trust involved). I don't get turned on and jump my boyfriend, but will respond to him in touchy ways and am pleased to do so willingly, because it does feel nice. If we never had sex, I would have no problem. But if we do some day, I probably won't mind, and may enjoy it to a degree. I call myself asexual, because I am, and because I choose my label.

In February 2006, the user sonofeazel coined the term ‘demisexual’, writing in a thread about their experiences,

…If “sexual” is for both and “asexual” is for neither, maybe we need a new term for people who only have one but not the other? I propose “demisexuals”.

In 2008, OwlSaint proposed the idea of what we now refer to as demisexual, which is when someone would only experience sexual attraction under the circumstance of a close emotional bond.

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I’ve yet to see a single person and think “hot” or “10 out of 10” or “I’d like to hit that”. Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it’s usually more along the lines of “could i force myself to with…. ew no”. In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual. However, with someone I’m in love with, it’s completely different, and I might as well be a “full fledged” sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or “ugh not again”.

Without that “little to” part of the definition of the “little to no sexual attraction” definition of asexuality, there are a lot of people who really wouldn’t have a word for what they are. Asexual would almost fit, but feel like a shrunken sweater; something’s not quite right.

When you almost belong somewhere but don’t entirely, it can feel very isolating. Like you’re not doing “you” right. This is where that specificity comes into play. It gives room for those in that gray space to breathe, a seat at the table when before there was just standing room.

In the words of blogger Siggy in 2012, a self identified gray ace,

Lots of people come to the asexual community, find lots of experiences to identify with, and are glad to finally have a word to describe themselves. But some of those people will feel that they don’t technically fit into the definition of asexual. Are these people supposed to abandon the possibility of a self-identity because of a technicality? Are they to permanently feel like outsiders to the asexual community?

“Gray-A” is a solution to these questions. A gray-A is someone who finds asexuality to be a useful idea, in the sense that it approaches a self-description, even if it does not quite fit. This allows a space where you can have an identity, fit on the ace spectrum, and feel at home in your community, without being disqualified by an arbitrary definition.

There are many, many terms under the asexuality spectrum that delve into specific experiences, some of which go into the gray area and some that do not but that still describe a very specific experience. There is an effort to put language to the unknown, to be better understood.

Even within those served by the definition of no sexual attraction, there is nuance to language discussing specific relationships to sex and sexuality. Terms that describe individual favorability towards sex, or that describe importance of tertiary attraction, for example.

This thread focused on demisexual and graysexual because they’re more widely used. But it’s worth noting these labels do not serve everyone who exists in that in between space. Here is an expanded list of asexuality spectrum labels by asexuals.net.

I personally also use “gray ace” or just “ace” if I don’t feel like explaining myself. But that’s just me. Everyone is different. Everyone is served by different pieces of language and labels. Some are served best by no labels at all. There’s no wrong way to label your aceness.

Labels are magnets on your queer fridge. You can put as many on there as you feel are right for you, and if you stop liking one, you can take it off and stick it in your magnet drawer.

And that gray area? It matters. If you belong in it, you are welcome in ace spaces. I promise.

if you liked this post you can support me on patreon this pride month 🏳️‍🌈

#demisexuality #gray a #gray asexual #ace pride #acespec #text #text post #queer pride #pride month #asexual #asexuality #graysexual #gray ace #demisexual #lgbtqia #lgbtqiap #lgbtqia2s+ #queer

[wovenintosilk]

Ok ok hear me out- Hobie with a gn!reader that's trying to get into the punk scene but it's difficult because their parents are quite conservative?

I did end up making it so that the reader is just starting to be interested in the punk aesthetic which is leading into the lifestyle but it's not fully explored so I hope you still enjoy it regardless!

No Content Warnings

GN!Reader

Word Count: 1000

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

The leather hung heavily over your shoulders; the jacket enveloping your form in a sweet warmth. You twisted in every direction and tried to ignore the distaste in your reflection’s expression as you considered how it looked.

With a sigh, you shrugged it off and cast it back over to the chair with a small curse. It never suited you, no matter which outfit you tried it with.

And worse, it’d started losing the comforting scent of your boyfriend.

You pulled off the few pieces of jewelry chosen for your late-night fashion attempt. They’d done nothing to help you feel more comfortable in the look you’d tried.

“What’s with the hate for my jacket? It’s hardly done anything to you.”

You jumped and hit your knee on the desk. The stinging pain didn’t fade as you twisted around to find him lounging across your bed, long limbs draped over his guitar as he watched you.

“Hobie? When did you get here?”

He put the guitar aside and stood, picked up the jacket from where it’d fallen on the chair and brushed it off. “Got ‘ere not to long ago,” he said. “Just didn’t want to interrupt.” He stepped behind you and draped the jacket over your shoulders, palms trailing down your arms to wrap around your waist and pull you into him.

“Interrupt what?” you laughed. “I was just messing around. I steal your clothes all the time.”

Having him so close relaxed any doubts you’d had. You closed your eyes and leaned into him, adored the way he cradled you.

He hummed in agreement. “It suits you.”

“Maybe.”

It was hard to force your brain to agree with him. You desperately wanted it to be true and for so long, you’d been stealing little pieces of his style. Maybe one day, you could unwrite the part of your brain that struggled to accept it.

He picked up the choker you’d been packing away, turned it around in his fingers. “I grabbed this one for you, didn’t I?”

“I wouldn’t have the guts to buy it for myself,” you admitted.

He huffed, breath tickling your ear as he did so. “What makes you think I bought it?”

You laughed a little. You should have known better indeed. In the very early days of your relationship, Hobie warned you that he wasn’t a fan of attachments. He didn’t do gifts or labels or anything like that.

The first time he showed up with small items, you’d been surprised with how quickly he went back on his claims. But he’d never liked consistency much either.

“You always put this stuff on late at night when nobody can see it. It’s a downright shame.”

“It doesn’t suit me.”

“Nonsense.”

“It doesn’t though,” you argued though you couldn’t help but relax into the warmth wrapped around your back. “It’s probably because I’m not used to seeing myself in that way. I wasn’t really raised to think it’s the best style ever.”

“Doesn’t matter if it looks good or not anyway,” he said. “That’s not the point of it. ‘sides, I know you like it on me.”

You laughed. “Hobie, you’ve been a model before. I think anything looks good on you.”

You twisted a little, hoping to get a look at his face though he seemed insistent on keeping his chin resting on the top of your head.

“So? Doesn’t change that if you like how I look with it, you’ll wear it even better.”

You looked down at the jacket wrapped around your body. The leather and chains, the spikes on your shoulders and the patches at random points. Everything about the aesthetic spoke to you but still…

“My parents would kill me if they saw me wearing this,” you teased.

“Who cares what they think?”

You sighed. “I know I shouldn’t but I can hear their voices in my head so often.”

He moved away from you by a small step and brought the choker up to attach it around your neck. You tilted your jaw up to help him. His fingers brushed across sensitive skin, sent small sparks of heat pooling into your stomach as he attached the tiny chain.

He met your eyes and smirked. Your heart fluttered a little and you reached up to touch the choker.

“Looks amazing,” he said and ran his thumb over the point of the spike. “Suits the jacket too. We’ll find you a pair of boots while we’re out.”

“Out?” you repeated.

He shrugged. “We have to make sure you fit in with the scene tonight.”

You frowned at him, finally turning around fully so you could face him. It really wasn’t fair for him to look so attractive when you were trying to focus. “Go out? It’s almost one in the morning.”

He shoved his hands in his vest. “Time is a construct. Who says we can’t go and find something fun to do now?”

“Where would we even go?”

“It’s a surprise,” he said. “But there’s a dress code.”

“Doesn’t sound like your kind of place.”

“Sometimes I can make a sacrifice or two.”

His eyes always burned with a fierce flame behind them, filled you with confidence even when you found yourself lacking in it. He’d always have your back even if you worried too much about what others might think.

“I don’t really have anything that suits this jacket.”

“You don’t need to. Wear whatever you want.”

You wished it was as easy as he made it out to be. Sometimes you thought you could entirely stop caring but it wasn’t as straightforward as you’d hoped.

He caught you off guard with a quick kiss to snap you from your concerns. “You’re going to look stunning in whatever you wear. Who cares what anybody else is thinking if that’s the truth.”

You couldn’t stop the smile on your face at that. “You’re far too sweet, you know that, right?”

He chuckled. “Don’t think many people would agree with you on that one. Just the opposite really but let’s get you ready. We’re going to find somewhere fun tonight.”

#across the spider verse x reader #atsv x reader #hobie brown x reader #spiderpunk x reader #hobie x you #hobie brown fanfiction #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x y/n

[oddlittlestories]

I love Monk. I’m not really recommending it because, well, it IS about police and it DOES have some fairly ableist content. But I love it.

Monk is an interesting character. He’s introduced as having an “anxiety disorder” that occurred from the traumatic event of his wife being murdered. Over the course of the show, it becomes pretty clear that he was neurodivergent his whole life, but had a serious spike in support needs after his wife’s death. He has one nurse, but he should pretty clearly have two—even if one is a part-time respite nurse. Many of his “boundary violations” obviously come from seeking needed support at inappropriate times. This man should not really be left alone, at least not at the start of the show. He can’t cope. But also getting a new nurse / assistant / I forget the specific word is very very difficult for him.

He’s billed, I believe, as having OCD. But if you just look at his behavior, there are several labels that could fit. Autism would probably be one of them.

A lot of the humor in the show revolves around his disability, which could and may to some feel like the show makes his disability the butt of the joke. With some notable exceptions (fuck you medication episode) I don’t really think this is the case.

Let’s look at the pilot. Sharona, his nurse, goes on a date and leaves him alone on “chicken pot pie night.” She tells him, you’ll be fine! Even my son could cook a chicken pot pie. He cannot cook a chicken pot pie. He is counting out individual peas. To me, this is funny because of how obvious it is that he needs more support.

He literally calls her son for help. This is hilarious because it obviously wasn’t her intention, but her son is actually walking Monk through how to make a chicken pot pie. The literalism - that Benjy really CAN help him cook a chicken pot pie - is funny to me.

I’m also very interested in how the show interacts with both work and the police. Monk is not capable of working full-time, and although he desperately wants to go back at first, eventually he accepts that as a consultant, he can have the flexibility he needs to still find murderers.

The police officers he works with often feel threatened and embarrassed by him, but at the same time need his talents. Jealousy comes up often. And since the main officers are at least duly sympathetic, this gets explored as awful instead of brushed off as campy villainy from antagonists.

I also really like the way gaze is used in the show. Monk comes onto a crime scene and others watch as he makes a bunch of pronouncements, struggles with one anxiety or another, gets support from his nurse, and then explains his pronouncements. I like that it seems like folks are disturbed by his need for support, but that the show frames the support as a positive thing and the anxiety itself as a struggle.

Monk is also a person. He loved his wife. He plays the clarinet. He doesn’t have much time to pursue hobbies or interests outside of managing his disability and doing the work which he loves and seems compelled to do in equal measure. But he IS a person.

Anyways I’m not necessarily saying go out and watch it. It has many flaws and it is ableist at times, and it doesn’t bother to fully unpack how the people in Monk’s life respond to him, nor always to explore his agency and individuality. He is a fussy and fastidious detective, which is a common archetype, but they don’t always go as far beyond that as they should.

Like I said, it’s not House. But I’m gonna probably rewatch all of it now that it’s on Netflix.

#monk #adrian monk #disability representation #neurodivergence

[pansyfemme]

i think people are too quick to say that things like kink and polyamory are not inherintly queer bc cishet people sometimes partake in them. because like. maybe its just me, but i tend to think that if something is commonly practiced by queer people, has most of its origins in queer spaces and is intertwined with queer history, subverts cisheteronormative sexual norms, that kinda. makes it queer by nature. That’s not saying everyone who participates in that is queer themselves, but they are queer concepts. If the possibility that a cishet person could hypothetically do something instantly disqualifies every other tie to queerness, i’d consider thinking a bit deeper about the purpose of drawing that line. It’s not really me feeling that cishet people are queered by the experience, that is up to them to decide, i’m just a guy making a tumblr post, i don’t decide that shit. It’s not me feeling like I need to point out that it is simply easier to distance the queerness someone feels safe in versus what they find uncomfortable by simply removing the queer label from it rather than accepting that queerness can sometimes be confusing. It may be difficult to draw the line between what is queer or not, so you do it. You can’t figure out how to divide things, and so you divide them. It’s much harder to accept that perhaps that’s not the point of all this. I do feel that someone can participate in queer subculture and not hold an identity they consider queer. Body peircing has a history as a gay kink subculture, and yet not every person with body pericings is queer. It is still a queer concept with a queer history anyway. Queer spaces, queer concepts, queer community exists on an understanding of non-universiality. There is a simple knowledge that queerness, by nature, exists outside of traditional norms. And in a beautiful circular movement, these queer areas, founded on variance, vary themselves.

[morporkian-cryptid]

On gender, confusion, and labels

I want to talk about my experience of gender, because it’s been a long and complicated journey and I’m finally at a point where I’m not having an identity crisis every six months. I haven’t seen many people with a similar experience in my years on the Trans Website and I kinda wish I had people tell me this earlier. This is not meant to be catch-all advice for all gender-confused folks, just my own story; if others can resonate with it and feel a little less lost, then I’ll be happy.

(This is gonna be pretty long, be warned)

I experience little to no dysphoria, and that’s probably why it’s taken me so long to accept that I’m not cis. What tipped me off to the whole Gender Situation was mostly the euphoria of being perceived as a masculine woman, or mistaken for a guy.

I came out as genderfluid years ago, to about two persons. Six months and a lot of thinking later, I went back on it because it turned out it was just a phase.

Well, not a phase, more like a cycle. After that, I kept deeply questioning my gender every six to twelve months. Most of the time I’d feel like a woman (albeit without any clear idea of what “being a woman” actually meant), and every now and then I’d get clear flashes of “I’m something else” feelig and start to question my entire identity for a couple months; then go back to “nah actually I’m cis”. Rinse and repeat.

I kept cutting my hair increasingly short, event went as far as a buzzcut. I rarely wear makeup. I like when people mistake me for a boy or are confused about my gender.

Every year or so, I found myself looking at binders. Every year I flaked out. At some point I bought compression bras but barely wore them because they were uncomfortable. I like my chest in and of itself, but sometimes I don’t like the way it looks with dresses or frilly tops – I like my chest but I don’t want it to be perceived. (I did buy a binder eventually, for the few days when I want my chest gone. I don’t wear it a lot, but I’m happy to have the choice.)

For a while I played with using different pronouns; I asked my friends to call me he or they for a few days, or I’d introduce myself with those pronouns in talking groups. But most of the time I went back to “she” like an old comforting jumper.

I even changed my name for about six months, then went back to my birth name. That was a very difficult time. I didn’t want to change my name. I like my birth name a lot. What happened was, Elliott Page came out, and I heard the name Elliott and my brain kinda went, “huh I like that name, it fits, I kinda like being a girl named Elliott”; and then it was like an itch that wouldn’t go away unless I scratched it. The weight of that decision scared me. It wasn’t like pronouns or a haircut: a name is what I present myself to the world with, and I was terrified of changing such a big thing about me.

My friends were very supportive, and switched without problem. I was lucky enough to move abroad for a six-month exchange program right when that identity crisis happened, so I got the very rare occasion to introduce myself as Elliott to people who didn’t know me at all, and whom I wouldn’t see anymore after six months. My flatmates were great and called me Elliott without question.

Six months later, the name stopped fitting. I don’t know how to describe it, but it just didn’t feel like me anymore, so I went back to my birth name, and all my friends were chill with that. (I still use Elliott as a pseudonym online.)

The reason the early years of questioning my gender were really complicated, is because for a lot of my life I’ve been really into labels. I wanted to understand things and put them in neat little boxes; and my identity was no different. If I’m not a woman then I must be trans. But I feel like a woman 75% of the time. Can I call myself trans if I identify with my AGAB most of the time? Do I actually identify as a woman, though? Or am I okay with being perceived as one? What does “feeling like a woman” even mean? Technically, by definition I must be genderfluid, which means I’m trans, but that’s a word that doesn’t feel like it applies to me. I can’t be part-time trans. But I’m not exactly cis either. Then what the fuck am I??

I wanted a word to put on my identity, because if I didn’t have one then I didn’t know what I was, and that was really difficult to live with.

It took me years to shed that need for a label, and to get to the point I am at today. Today I see my gender as feelings rather than identity. My gender is too big and complicated to neatly fit into a word, or even ten. My gender is the way I dress, the way I talk, the emotions when I am called miss or sir, the feeling when I look at myself in the mirror after a fresh haircut. It’s a hundred interconnected tidbits that all shift day to day.

The best way I’ve found to describe my experience of gender, is this:

I am not a woman

I am fine with being perceived as a woman

I do not want to be perceived as feminine

These are the three things I’m certain of right now (and they might change later! And that’s okay!), and my day-to-day gender presentation hinges around them. I no longer try to look inside myself and ask “What is my Gender?”, because I’ve never found a straight (ha!) answer, and that’s only ever brought me anguish. What I do now, is look in the mirror and ask myself “Do I like this outfit?”, look at a sentence I wrote and ask myself “Do I like these pronouns?”. I’ve kind of applied the Marie Kondo method to my gender: does this spark joy? Then I’m doing it. In this text I’m sending to my friend, does calling myself “handsome” spark joy? Then I’m calling myself “handsome”. Does wearing a binder under this dress spark joy? Then binder it is. If I want to try out a new name, I can tell my friends and they’ll try it out with me, and if it turns out I don’t like it, I can always ask them to go back to the old one. The gender feelings I’m feeling right now are as real as the ones I felt yesterday or the ones I’ll feel tomorrow, they’re as important and I am allowed to indulge in them.

With labels, I do sort of the same thing, although I’m not quite there yet. The best word I’ve found to describe myself is genderqueer, because it’s vague enough to not imprison me inside a box. Sometimes I’ll say I’m non-binary if that’s relevant to the context of the discussion. I still don’t actively describe myself as trans, because the vastness of that word and the experiences it comes with is still a bit scary for me – but I don’t forbid myself anymore from taking part in things labelled as “trans”, like talking groups, pride events, Tumblr posts and Discord servers. Even if I don’t identify with the word, I identify with many of the experiences, and I do technically fall under the definition of transgender. I’m allowed to be part of that community, even if I kinda just lurk around the doorstep. Maybe one day I’ll be comfortable enough to actually come in, and proudly call myself transgender.

I have been sort of toying with the idea of maybe one day going on T. If I had had that idea a few years earlier, I would have freaked out and had another identity crisis over it, like I did with the name change. As things are right now, I’m just sort of considering the idea and giving myself time to think about it, do research, try alternative ways to change my body first. There’s no rush at all. I know now that my perception of my own gender varies over time, and that I can take years to get comfortable with aspects of my identity or presentation. I can take my time; I can go on T in a few years when I’m certain, or I can decide I don’t want that. I don’t have to make a big decision now.

Seeing transition this way is incredibly freeing.

I’m very lucky to experience minimal gender dysphoria, but because of that, I conflated “being okay with people perceiving me as a woman” with “actually being a woman”. I mostly use she/her and my feminine birth name, not because they describe my gender (they very much don’t), but because they’re comfortable. It’s like I’m goth but I don’t find goth clothes comfortable, and displaying my identity as goth isn’t worth the discomfort of wearing itchy clothes. So I prefer to wear this old sweater that’s super comfy even if it doesn’t reflect my tastes, and stick a couple of skull pins on it so other goths know I’m actually one of them. Just because the sweater isn’t goth doesn’t mean I’m not goth inside. Just because I go by she/her and a feminine name doesn’t mean I’m not non-binary inside. Explaining my actual gender to the people around me isn’t worth the hassle, misunderstanding and possible debates about my identity; the people who understand know, and the others don’t, whatever.

(TL;DR) So, yeah. This is a lot of text to really just say, if finding a word for your gender hurts, don’t try to find a word. Focus on the experiences, do what makes you happy, gender-wise. Labels can be helpful, but if they’re not, you are not obligated to use one. Gender is incredibly complex and cannot be easily summarized by words. At the end of the day, what’s important is your feelings, and trying to make them good feelings.

#i hope this can help someone feel less lost than i used to feel #this is deeply personal but thankfully i'm now at a point in my life where exploring my gender doesn't hurt anymore #so i can be open about it #i never really came out as genderqueer because all my friends were involved in my journey there #so they knew all along there was a Gender Situation going on so an Official Coming Out was pointless #also the whole 'my gender is a fucking yoyo' thing discouraged me from making an Official Coming Out that i might scrap after a few months #i'm queer. my gender is queer. that's all i'm able to say about it and that's all people need to know #personal #long post #gender #gender stuff #genderqueer #non-binary #nonbinary #genderfluid #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtq

[gingerylangylang1979]

Sick people are still sick, even if it's addiction or mental illness. We know that but we still don't think and act that way.

I've been wanting to post this for awhile but held back because it's a difficult topic but today I discovered some saddening news that made me feel it was time to talk about it. I'm not going to speak directly to that news or to any of the other situations I'm referencing. You can figure it out if you want but really it doesn't matter who the people are because the people can be anybody.

I'll start by saying I'm the child of a drug addict, my ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic, I've had many friends who have battled addiction and mental health issues. I was deeply hurt by growing up with an addict mother. It is the single most defining thing about me next to being a black woman. I am in my 40's and still grappling with the effects of growing up with her beside me and growing up with her absent from me. The abandonment, isolation, shame, uncertainty, fear, feelings of being cursed, never having normality, all of that will never leave me. All I can do is cope. And I experienced it all over again within a long term relationship in adulthood.

It's probably best that I was estranged from my mother. I know it's best that I left my ex for the last time. I didn't want those people in my live as they were and there was never any way to know if they would ever get better. My mother died. Not a drug related death, ironically she was killed by a drunk driver. Someone else's addiction took her. My ex is still living and the last I knew he was still drinking. A miracle could happen or he could drink the rest of his life.

But what I want to talk about is how we view these ill people. I hated my mother and my ex for a long, long time... until I didn't. That doesn't mean I'm not still angry or no longer hold them accountable. It just means I don't view them simply as my abusers and myself as their victim. It just means I had a shift, not only in how I see them but how I view all people. I had a religious/spiritual conversion at one of the darkest times of my life. Looking back I see that it happened shortly after I left my ex the last time and I was at a sort of rock bottom on every level. I won't go into the long story but will say I came out of the other side loving people. Not in a toxic positivity way, in a genuinely I value people and humanity was put here out of love, made with love, and we all deserve dignity and forgiveness, and can be redeemed no matter what. My whole worldview was rocked. It's a truly radical belief of my faith. Not the supernatural things. I think this because what the average person struggles with the most is just pure love for other people and love for themselves.

And when you view people with love, value life itself, all life, that you can look at a person who doesn't value their own well being and puts the well being of others, even those closest to them, in danger, and still say that person is a child of God who can be redeemed, who is not trash, who is not a loser.

And the funny thing is supposedly we are in a mental health awakening and supposedly see addiction and mental health ailments as sickness. But we still have a hard time accepting that when people are in the worst of their illness that they are indeed sick people. So we label, dismiss, and ridicule them. And if they are a celebrity, forget about it. We want to champion wellness, self care, and therapy but when someone actually desperately needs it and is struggling we shit on them.

I'm in no way saying all behavior is forgiven and there shouldn't be accountability. But after seeing some of what I've seen said recently and especially today it seems like people are just ready to tear someone's complete being down, not just condemn the behavior. I don't think my mom nor my ex were trash. They were deeply broken as we all are, in ways different from myself, or perhaps not and it just manifests in ways different than myself. It still hurts, it always hurts, but they were always hurting, too. It doesn't mean I needed to stay in a place they could hurt me but I didn't degrade their being in thought, speech, or action.

So these people don't deserve to have victims but they also don't deserve to be dehumanized.

We are all worthy of grace. So I'm going to continue to pray for healing of myself and those I know who are struggling.

#addiction #mental illness #grace #redemption #faith #god saves

[cock-holliday]

hey not rly a question just saying i appreciate your 2cents on things generally. i am a gnc transfem but am really a boy more than anything so someone looking out for those of us who arent palettably feminine is rly cool of you. a lot of the stuff you mentioned in your long post just now hits at some of the stuff thats making me feel uneasy around some of my transfem friends. i fear if i was fully myself i wouldnt be accepted. i hate to feel too queer for fellow queers, but. but yea anyway most of the time ive known i was trans most of my friends had actually been trans guys so when i hear this anti transmasc rhetoric going around it makes me rly uncomfortable im sick of the idea that trans guys have it easy. its not true and not fair do you fear being not accepted by others like you too? is this normal? idk. i didnt feel this when i came out 5 years ago this is new to me

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that, and I can relate. Essentially I came out as a binary trans person a decade ago and raced to transition as quickly as possible (it was not fast, it was slow and frustrating) and when I finally got there then I had to endure Gender Crisis 2 where I realized I wasn’t this binary gender either.

It was very difficult to sort out. Did I just not feel special enough as Gender 2? Was I faking this whole time and was really just cis? Was I detransitioning? It took a lot to figure out what I wanted, how I wanted to be seen, and to grapple with the idea that it will continue to fluctuate.

I am masc but do not consider myself a man. Boy, maybe. Do I see myself as a woman? Also no. Girl, maybe. But a masculine girl. I think my boyness is more feminine than my girlness…but still both…butch.

I am trans but not a trans woman or a trans man. While figuring myself out in round two I flirted with transmasc/transfemme as labels, but neither fit better than the other. Or maybe neither fit. I know some use transfemmemasc but idk that I like it for me. I use trans women’s shaving tips. I use trans men’s voice training tips. There are members of both camps who wouldn’t consider me one of them.

I currently work a full-time job. I cannot present or fluctuate in my presentation when I want to. We have gendered locker rooms, gendered bathrooms, my ID badge has a photo that doesn’t look like me. I think a lot about that post that’s like “I might be nonbinary but I have a job so I can’t worry about that right now.” Only, I already know I am nonbinary. I’ve already been out to a lot of people IRL. How do you put that cat back in the bag? Can you? If I was allowed to present how I want now and everyone was cool…will they still be understanding when it swings back the other way? I don’t want that sort of pressure at work.

I am lucky I have a partner who understands and likes my presentation—and spectrum of it. I have trans friends who understand or try to understand, and genderweird friends who get it. It is a bit isolating—how everything is split into one camp or another. Things I supposedly couldn’t relate to I do, things I am not meant to have experienced (or acknowledge I experience) are not welcome topics in trans discourse.

It is difficult! There are huge Boy v Girl (but make it progressive) pissing contests on tumblr and it’s very irritating how deep the anger goes. Carve room for yourself and you’re accused of belonging to the other camp, as if it really even is ‘the other’ camp, it’s the same fucking camp.

I started to identify with the word butch only in the last few years, and because my gender exploration had taken me back to the trans folks of yore. They were brash and bold and contradictory and I liked that! It made me yearn for vague labels and defiant privacy while also being unabashedly authentic! Then I learned that it still exists. It’s small, and got pushed to the fringes, sure. But I’ve only had access to the books and zines and tales of the genderweird from the internet, and to hear it resonate with so many others proves to me we’re still out there.

It’s very tough to want to be true to yourself when there is a constant pressure to conform to something. It’s doubly tough when that pressure comes from other trans people. But finding more and more people who live this way and feel this way makes me feel surer in my choice to just loudly be what I am, fuck the rest, whenever I can.

I cannot always look how I want or be seen how I want, so the spaces where I do have control I refuse to be anything other than what I am 110%

I really hope you can find more and more space that lets you exist in the grey. I hope your friends become more accepting. In the meantime and hopefully continuously in tandem—you are not alone in this experience and others out there understand what it’s like. ❤️

#ask #anon ask

[matenrou-fan]

Could I have Sasara Samatoki and Ramuda finding out their usually cheery airheaded s/o is on Fluoxetine on accident? They would have no idea their s/o had depression or anything like that based on their s/o’s demeanor around them. How would they take care of her after that? Thank you, sorry my english is not the best 😭 Your writing is always so creative and beautiful so I wanted to write a request, I hope it is ok! Have a great day :)

Sasara, Samatoki and Ramuda finding out their usually cheery airheaded fem! s/o is depressed

hiiii!! hii ahhh!! don't worry, your English is pretty good! <3 Also wow creative.. No one ever calls my works like that, thank you very much, honey!! ^^

femreader, comfort, mention of meds, angst a little;;

-When you two met, he was sure that you're soulmates! As goofy and cheerful as him, you always were ready to encourage any of his ideas and just loved his jokes!

-So when he, in a hurry and without a second thought, opens your bedside table to find a pen, a box of meds really confuses him. Do you feel sick these days? Strange, he didn't notice..

-Of course Sasara worried, so instead of just placing it back he would read the label and the pretty familiar name makes his stomach clench in cold shivers. Aren't these the same tablets he drank after his disband with Rosho back ago..?

-This is the first time when your boyfriend would look at you from a different angle. Always considering you as just a positive person, he never thought that maybe you two actually are even more alike. That you're also hiding some kind of trauma behind these jokes and smiles, just like him.

-But ahhh, how embarrassing it would be for Sasara, to actually confess he found out..! So he would just slowly get more gentle around you.

-Of course even before he was such a softie around you, so clingy with his hugs and kisses, and of course puns. Yet now his touches are more.. soft? Like if you suddenly become a porcelain doll and he can't jump around you like always, instead tightly holding you closer to his chest. Ah, now you can't see his face, in such a pose.. What is he thinking about?

-"S/o.. Please, remember I will always love you, no matter what.." - he suddenly mumbled and you got even more confused, surprised with such a low and quiet tone. - "I adore you not because you're like me, but because you are you. With your weaknesses and problems that I'll always accept."

-He just wants to say that you can be more open to him..! As Sasara really wants to help you with your conditions and is willing to listen to your vent every day, if it would help you. There's surprisingly deep words that can't be heard that often from him.

-Now your boyfriend would try to have a more thoughtful conversation with you, so you both can share your worries. As a person who also was in a difficult situation, he knows how much support means.

-And he also knows all these small tips on how to make it easier for you - more fresh air and proper rest, now Sasara would try to control your diet and sleep schedule, and make sure you always take your meds in time. But in some casual silly way, so you wouldn't feel any pressure.

-Jokes can make you feel better, yes, and he doesn't forget about that, cheering you up with some cute wholesome puns. His plan is to make you feel better due to small changes, so you don't even notice how your life slowly gets better.

-"Sasara.. Thank you, really.." - you mumble during another cuddle session together. There's no way you didn't notice his changes, but this new, even more caring side of his love was so pleasant. - "I adore you for all you did for me.."

"Hehe.. And then I agate you, my dear!" - your boyfriend places a small kiss on your forehead and then giggles at your confused face. - "A gate is bigger than a door, s/o..!"

-This difference between your cheerful behavior and his more grumpy one was adored by your boyfriend more than you thought. Maybe it's hard to admit, but he really loves how you freshen his worldview with your happy-go-lucky attitude.

-Samatoki really wanted to protect this friendliness of yours from this cruel world, as he was sure that you actually didn't experience anything bad. And it hit hard when he accidentally found some bottles of pills that you forgot in the bathroom.

-He's not angry or annoyed by you, mostly by himself. Because it means he failed as a boyfriend, and it's his fault you didn't share this side of yours.

-It would be especially painful when he googled about these meds and found out it's antidepressants.

-Of course he would talk about this immediately, really trying to act calm as he doesn't want you to think he's pissed. Actually, all that Samatoki wants is to know why you didn't tell him, and how long you take it.

-Despite all traumatic events in his life, your boyfriend never considered to start taking something like that too, but it doesn't mean he can't help you properly - already being overprotective, now he just pampers you with attention.

-Always checking what you have eaten today, scolding you without rancor for a bad sleep schedule, forcing you to have more breaks during work.. His actions may look a little bit harsh but he just genuinely cares about you.

-"Here, s/o.. I bought you new vitamins." - with a sigh, Samatoki gets closer and pat your head. - "Don't forget to take them too now, alright? My old friend is Doc and he tells me it would be really helpful.."

-As a Yakuza, he has pretty much money and doesn't mind spending it on your needs, like finding maybe a more expensive but better psychologist or start taking new medication.

-Cause your well-being is more important and he tries to show you in all possible ways that you don't need to hide anything from him, even something that you find ugly or annoying about yourself.

-"Samatoki.. You really think it's worth it?" - in the dark, your words sound so weak after long hours of futile attempts to sleep. - "You know.. I appreciate you care, but aren't you tire-"

"No I'm not. Sleep." - his sleepy voice was so low and husky, as Samatoki embraced you in a warm hug. - "Sleep and remember that there's no way I would ever get tired of you, alright? Even if you would ask this every day..or night."

-Ahhh, aren't you two just the most precious couple in the world?! Two sweet cheerful angels, hehe! Ramuda just loves to tease you a little, as your airheaded behavior kinda reminds him of Dice and he's waiting to see the same amusing reaction for you like from his friend.

-Well.. But Ramuda is not a fool. Everyone has their secrets, and his lively behavior hides many many skeletons in the closet of his soul. So despite that he loves how similar you are, he still waits for some catch from your side too.

-And when a small bottle of pills was found in your bag by his nimble hands when Ramuda just wanted to bring your perfume that you asked for, it wasn't a surprise. Well, maybe just a little, as he was having other ideas in his mind, not mental illness.

-And yes, he's now worried. Even Ramuda can actually care about someone, especially about his girlfriend, as he considers you as someone who's closer to him than any onesans and even his teammates. He considers you as someone who he can open his heart to.

-But it's the reason why he's actually angry now, clinging to you with puffy cheeks and puckered brow. All this time he was so obedient and sincere, and you?!

-"Take note that you owe me at least.. mm, twenty kisses now, for such misconduct!" - he scoffs in his charming manner, before making a more sensitive, soft face. - "You're my precious doll and I need to take care of you, okay? Don't lie to me..!"

-Well, but despite his sweet playful tone, Ramuda actually wants to help you. Most of the time he prefers to use people to understand their emotions better, so he would know how to act and fake it in different situations. But if we talk about you and your state, it's actually a serious theme for me.

-It's just his way to help you get over it - to continue being your sweet cute boyfriend, cheering your life with his presence. In such a teasing tone it's easier to show his care without you noticing the depth of his worry.

-So now wait a bunch of texts from Ramuda everyday, as he asks about your well-being, reminds you to eat more proper food and leave all the candy just for him.

-And of course, a private, exclusive fashion show just for you! Aren't his cute accessories and colorful outfits make you forget about all other problems, as he runs around you, chirping how adorable you look now?

-"I don't know, isn't this too fancy?" - you can't help but giggle, looking at yourself in the mirror. - "Actually, I don't remember seeing this dress before on your shelves.."

"Ahh, cause I sewed this one just for you, s/o..!" - like a small rabbit, Ramuda jumps closer, hugging you tightly. - "A special dress for my special dolly! This soft fabric would protect you from all worries, okay? But to activate this effect you need to kiss the designer, hehe.."

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #sasara nurude x reader #sasara x reader #hypmic sasara #sasara nurude #hypnosis mic sasara #samatoki aohitsugi x reader #hypmic samatoki #hypnosis mic samatoki #samatoki x reader #samatoki aohitsugi #hypnosis mic ramuda #hypmic ramuda #ramuda x reader #ramuda amemura #ramuda amemura x reader

[b0njourbeach]

I love ur Rook is aro headcanon. Do u have any similar headcanons for other TWST characters?

Thank you! And I indeed have a few ^^

I view Cater as a demiromantic (but his [somewhat HC] commitment/trust issues keep him from making deeply emotional bonds). I can view him as a pansexual as well - "If they can love every side of me, that's all I need". He'd be down for poly for multiple reasons though.

I can see Deuce being a bi-curious person. He ain't committing but he'd try it if he found the right one.

Ace? Despite his name, I don't think he's Ace but I can definitely see him as an aromantic person! And the Anti-Romantic type of Aro as well.

Trey is one hell of a bisexual, no questions asked. Cater once mentioned poly-relationships and it made him curious but he's unsure if it would be smtg for him.

Riddle is a little more difficult though. I feel like he's a Gay in denial (or better said: unaware of his true feelings). "I'll find the right girl eventually."

Ruggie? In theory: Bisexual. In practice: Too busy for love or adulting.

Given Leona has a strong personality but a certain.. respect of women, I don't think he'd go in a relationship with a lady. But I also can't really see him in any relationship with any gender. He'd be more up for sensual relationships and there it doesn't matter what gender you have - As long as you accept him.

Jack on the other hand.. Idk, I can't picture him as anything else than being straight. He definitely suspected being bi or Gay because he thought he had a crush on Vil as a kid - It turned out that he just wanted to be friends with him.

Now Azul is an interesting thought: As far as I'm aware, an Octopus dies as soon as they reproduce - Therefore I believe that Azul would be rather asexual (Doesn't matter if Merfolk works just like their animal counterpart or not). Additional with his insecurities about his body, I'm pretty sure he's repulsed by the pure thought of exposing his body to someone else. I feel like he'd be quite the romantic though but I'm not sure what/if he has a gender preference.

While I can picture Floyd as a Gay guy, I'm not sure if the Leech Twins actually have sexual or romantic interests - Floyd just wants a partner either as a victim for his shenanigans or someone who joins him. Jades argument would be that he's too careful of people - He could never be too sure how much he could trust his partner, so he avoids dating at all.

Kalim.. definitely panromantic but not interested in adulting. He just wants to Love.

Jamil labels himself in front of his and Kalims parents and friends as straight "for the Al-Asim family's image", in school he says he's a bisexual because he doesn't want to explain further - In reality, he just doesn't see any point in dating.

Vil is straight in front of the cameras but "doesn't date since it would mess with his career" - In reality, he's demisexual and demiromantic. He wants to know that his love is blooming for the right person.

Epel is a very convinced straight guy - Until he had his first male crush (which I HC as Deuce but that's just me). It took him a while (and a long talk with Rook) to figure out his feelings.

Both Shrouds don't date - Idias reasons are unknown and I refuse to put Ortho in any kind of relationship beyond friendships.

Since Lilia is pretty much bi in canon, I've got nothing to say to him - he certainly had to teach his kids a lot though. I mean, it's also somewhat Canon that he taught Malleus about feelings - So I'm guessing the Lizard would be demiromantic with no gender preference. Silver is not interested in anything like that - Or better said, he never thought about it because he had no reason to do so. Sebek on the other hand.. Oh boy. I can see him being the typical homophobic straight guy but 100% supportive towards Lilias bisexuality (and his arguments that "love is just hindering him in his duty" would make him a technical Aro and/or AroAce but he ain't understanding that).

I... ended up listing all of them 🕴 Welp, at least I didn't left anyone out hahaha

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst headcanons #🥀 answers #🥀 twst

[alynnl]

🔥 for whatever's been bugging you lately

Oh, boy. I'm about to touch on a topic I have ranted about extensively in private spaces. Only now I'm going to make my opinion public because I feel like I need to take a stand.

"Across media fandoms, so many fans refuse to stay in their lane and it leads to a lot of unnecessary trouble."

Allow me to explain.

Perhaps I'm only seeing the loudest of the vocal minority, but this behavior is grating to me. In general I come to my fan spaces to have fun, discuss media with others who've viewed it, and relax after taking care of my real life responsibilities.

I've seen shipping wars since my earliest days in fandom, and those have not died down in the slightest. In some ways, they've actually gotten worse, because people bring in purity culture and real life politics where I feel like they don't belong. (People who act like it's a moral duty to ship their rare pair instead of a more popular ship, as an example.)

This mentality of only having the most "morally correct" opinions on a piece of media goes beyond shipping too, when it comes to discussing individual characters or the (perceived) message of the media overall. Who and what is "problematic" is a dominating theme in many fan discussions on this website and others. There's this idea that a person's taste in media, characters, and even ships gives any indication of their real life morality. When really, most people (if not all) I've met who are into the darker, tragic and more dramatic themes in media are just interested in that part of storytelling and would never condone acts like murder, genocide or abuse in real life.

On the other side of the coin, there are other fans who try and label what is and isn't "cringe." I've seen them take aim at self-shippers, OC x Canon shippers, or even themes within the media itself that they've deemed "cliched" or "predictable." There's this smugness that comes with pointing out flaws CinemaSins style. It's very elitist in its way and to me translates to "I see what you don't, Sheeple!"

I'm sure there are other details of annoying fandom behavior that I have left out, but these are the main ideas to me.

It all comes down to one thing.

"When people dislike something, they turn around and make it everybody else's problem."

This is in spite of the widely available blacklisting tools and block button that are very easy to use to curate one's Tumblr experience. (I cannot speak for other websites and how easy or difficult it is to curate one's feed there, but I imagine there is something similar to Tumblr's system.)

Instead of accepting that a ship, piece of media, OC, or even an entire user's feed isn't their cup of tea and moving on, people have to say something rude about it.

And it just seems like a waste of time and energy. I think it would be better spent with things that actually spark joy.

All in all I feel like I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. Or maybe since I have more life experience, I’m more aware of what I want and what I’m better off without. Having to balance work and home life will do that. I’ll keep on sharing my thoughts with people who I feel I can truly be myself around. I hope everybody has at least one person, if not a few people like that. Because I think everyone should have a chance to be happy, in fan spaces and elsewhere.

#Lynn speaks #personal #fandom woes #fandom wank #purity culture #elitist culture #I really am too old for all this #no fandoms named #it’s ALL of them #but I blacklist block and curate til the cows come home #Sometimes I gotta pause and ask if I’m being fair #but most of the time my instincts are right and I insta block bad vibes

[uncivilcivilservice]

For Daniel: 2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on 32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh 42. 3 comfort items

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

This is difficult because I feel like I am happy to accept most alternative headcanons. Daniel has glasses? Cool. He doesn't? Cool. He's bi? Nice. He's gay? Awesome. And so on so forth.

I guess my most controversial one might be that I think Marius and Daniel were very close, and most likely romantically involved in some capacity, or at the very least had an intimate, domestic relationship during their time together (I don't think vampire relationships always need strict labels, but they were close and care for each other a lot)

32. Something guaranteed to make them smile/laugh

Armand's laugh, doesn't matter how bad a mood Daniel is in, seeing Armand genuinely happy and smiling and laughing is always contagious for Daniel.

42. 3 comfort items

Cigarettes, Alcohol, Armand

But other than those three vices :p I think Daniel really likes his old worn in t-shirts and sweaters, hoodies etc. especially when just hanging around the house.

The amulet was also a comfort item of sorts while he wore it (the campaign to Give Daniel His Day Collar Back 2k24 starts on Monday btw).

Also, I can see Daniel having pictures of his loved ones like Armand and Marius in his wallet, and looking at them when he's alone somewhere and starting to feel down or overwhelmed

#daniel molloy #vc headcanons #vampire chronicles #vc #thanks for the question! #daniel

[ari-kari]

I’ve had some difficult irl experiences this past month that have really shaken my sense of self-worth - which is already getting put through the wringer as it is, with all the therapy. I was gonna vent about it here, but listing my insecurities like that made me feel like I was reinforcing The Old Ways, and I’m trying to avoid that as much as possible. so instead I’m just gonna type up some reminders for myself that are 100% true, but that I sometimes elect to forget. long-ish mental health post ahead

(also I just now realized that this will be incomprehensible to anyone who doesn’t have a basic understanding of attachment theory, but oh well. its my party and I’ll wax therapeutic if I want to)

1. It is not my fault that I have an anxious attachment style. Full stop. These thought patterns have been present since I was very young, and reside at the core of who I am. While I strive for effective communication in all of my relationships, the feelings themselves should not be moralized. I cannot help the way my brain responds to intimacy with others; it is involuntary.

2. In the same breath, attachment styles are not permanent or prescriptive. With hard work, an insecurely-attached person (yes, even me) can move towards security with time. I am not a label, nor am I permanently broken. I am a fully-developed human being.

3. Here’s a big one - I do not harbor sole responsibility for the dysfunction in my relationships, especially when I am partnered with avoidant individuals. “Protest behavior” remains unacceptable to me, and I will choose a different path for myself whenever possible. But when I am feeling “needy” in my relationships, it is because my needs are not being met - plain and simple. And - critically important - when I have dated secure individuals in the past, my symptoms have dropped to zero. My attachment system was pacified, and I was free to focus on loving my partner and myself without the daily hits to my self-esteem.

4. I am a strong, fiercely-independent human being - and this is not an empty affirmation. I have endured horrendous trauma with level-headed fortitude. I am gifted at solving complex problems without the assistance of others, and have accomplished many important things in my life despite numerous hardships. The pain I feel when my intimacy needs go unmet is NOT a reflection of my character. And even if I wish I could change this part of me sometimes, it does not single-handedly define my worth.

5. I will love the right person one day. I will find someone with whom I have the freedom to heal, and who will return my affections gladly and without hesitation. And when I do, I’ll struggle to remember why I spent so much time whittling away at myself to fit into situations that weren’t meant for me. I will be able to respect the people I once loved for who they are - while simultaneously accepting that they are not right for me, just as I am not right for them.

And finally, because it needs to be said:

6. I love myself. I think I’m really cool. And in my heart of hearts, I know I’m gonna find what I’m looking for someday. It just won’t be with them 🤷

thanks for reading <3

#the difficult experiences in question: Hot Local Singles In My Area #(jk just the one) #I want to mooooooove so bad #personal #mental health #long post