#it's all sorschas fault

[aetherictree]

One of the greatest moments we lost when Willow wasn't renewed would have been The Gang Confront Sorscha On Her Bullshit.

Like, all of the remaining party members (plus Airk) have something they need to settle with her. She lied to Jade and Elora about their origins. She locked up Boorman. The last time she saw Willow she was having the guards escort him out of Tir Asleen. And then there's her kids...

#willow #it's all sorschas fault #jade claymore #kit tanthalos #willow ulfgood #elora danan #thraxus boorman #airk tanthalos #sorsha tanthalos #this is what they took from you #willow rewatch

[malulls]

'tis the damn season

Manorian modern au

Inspired by 'tis the damn season, by Taylor swift

Nsfw

December 23rd

Manon slammed the trunk harder than she should have. The car shuddered beneath her, as did Elide, but her friend said nothing. She just pulled Manon's second suitcase until she was next to her, and she was grateful for that.

The click of the car being closed was the only sound besides the wheels on the sidewalk to accompany them for a few minutes. Glennis' house was only a few meters away, but it was enough to annoy her. The nearest parking spaces were occupied, and Bronwen was an asshole who insisted on filling the garage when she had her own house to do it in. She could go fuck herself too.

Elide slowed down. The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable, but Manon knew she wanted to talk, to point out the everyday things that they hadn't discussed for a long time, ever since the distance — her fault, as well as many other things — between them began. Her friend was looking for something normal between them, and to be honest, so was Manon. But rebuilding the walls that had once come close to falling around herself, making them double in size, had taken a lot of effort. And tearing them down would take even more.

It wasn't a price she was willing to pay for just one week. Less than that if she was lucky.

Across the street, a woman Manon had never seen in the city slammed the car door. She had brown hair that hit the middle of her and was talking very fast on her cell phone. She wore a medical jacket.

Elide looked at the woman, at Manon, and looked away. Weird.

— Who’s that?

— Did you know that Yrene now runs the hospital?

Manon looked at her, surprised. The last time she was in town, Yrene Towers was finishing medical college.

— What does that have to do with her?

Elide cleared her throat. Manon almost stopped walking. Yrene was close to a subject she didn't want to hear about. Too close.

— Her name is Sorscha. She works there. She came from Fenharrow at the beginning of the year.

— Fenharrow? — Manon frowned. What was that woman doing in the tiny town where she had grown up? There were thousands of cities all over the country much closer to the frontiers, and somehow people ended up at that end of the world. — How the hell did she end up here?

Elide shrugged.

— I haven't talked to her very much. Yrene might know.

Luckily, the woman wasn't interesting enough for Manon to ask. She wasn't going to talk to Yrene. The doctor could break her face if she wanted, she didn't care. But there was more to the story. She knew Elide well enough to know when there was something on the tip of her tongue, even if the small, black—haired girl was the best liar Manon knew.

Apart from herself.

— Spit it out.

— She's been hanging out with Dorian.

Manon stopped. At least the four steps to Glennis' door were a good excuse for the reaction she shouldn't have had. With more force than necessary, she snatched her suitcase off the floor by the handle and began to climb.

— If I wanted to know who he's hanging with, I would have asked him.

Elide pulled up the second suitcase, with a little more difficulty due to her height, and examined her face. It turned out that a lifetime of being raised by her grandmother and the time in Los Angeles had honed her ability to appear indifferent over the last 23 years.

Before her friend could reply, the front door opened abruptly.

— Don't be rude to Elide. — Glennis said.

Then she pulled Manon into a tight hug that made her feel guilty for disappearing for four years. But not enough to make her regret it.

The comfort of the embrace made a lump appear in her throat. This was the grandmother who made Manon feel like she had something close to a family. The one who had taken years to find her. Who had arrived too late. It had taken her a while to put an end to the what ifs. What if her father had taken her mother with him when they moved to Rifthold? What if her grandmother had been away when her parents' accident happened. What if Asterin's mother had a better financial condition and had gotten custody of her. What if she hadn't had to grow up with that woman. Enough.

She made the questions go away and left her alone. As soon as Glennis let her go and Manon caught a glimpse of Bronwen in the doorway, she flashed her middle finger.

Her cousin just shrugged.

— Hi to you too, asshole.

Their grandmother slapped them both.

— If you start with that bullshit so soon, you can set up a ring in the street. In my house, behave yourselves. Bronwen, be nice to your cousin, you haven't seen each other for four years. — she emphasized the time. As if Manon didn't know how much the distance had hurt her. — Manon, you've been here for a too short time to have such a low level of patience.

— That's the full—time level. — she muttered.

Glennis greeted Elide and sent Bronwen to help Manon with her suitcases. She had been in the city for less than an hour and already wanted to disappear again.

Her room was just as she had left it. Incomplete, confused and a little lost. With half the things that had been hers packed, because despite the relief of no longer having to live under the same roof as her grandmother, it wasn't enough to make another place any less strange. Bronwen put down her suitcase without much care, but before she left, she stopped at the door.

— Look, we've never got on very well, but don't think I appreciate you being away for so long. Firstly because it upset Glennis, and secondly because I don't hate you. And even though I'm annoyed, I'm glad you're here.

Without giving her time to reply, her cousin left and slammed the door. She pulled off her boots and coat and sank onto the bed. She checked her cell phone before plugging it into the charger and closed the curtains to block out the afternoon sun, that was bringing a little warmth despite the winter. It reminded her too much of California for her liking.

Manon closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. She needed to sign the inheritance papers her parents had left for her. She should have done this when she was twenty—one, but her career was starting to take off, and since then she had been stuck in a mess of documents with the person she hated most in the world.

But she had already put that off for an absurd amount of time. Besides, if she wanted to stay in L.A., she needed the money. She hadn't looked into her grandmother's rigid face for years. That was long enough to need to do it one last time in her life.

But if it had only been that, a single person to avoid, she wouldn't be swimming in stress. The problem was that she was running away from the whole city. From Glennis and Bronwen, even though they were in the same house, she would have run away from Elide if her friend hadn't seen it coming and been quicker.

And there was him.

More than anything else, she was running away from Dorian Havilliard, which included his circle of friends and, consequently, half of the city. And now the lovely girl he was seeing. Manon didn't need to know anything about this. It made no difference. Nor was it the reason she wanted to break a window. She had a list full of them, and that one wasn't on it.

She thought about picking up her cell phone again, but to hell with it. The next day was Christmas Eve. Ironically, she was happy to get away from Los Angeles for a few hours. From her agent, from the madness, from the insufferable celebrities, from the few real friends she had made, and from her obligations.

Manon opened her eyes. She had an infinity of unresolved issues in that place. But Los Angeles wasn't her home. And perhaps she was the one making that city a hell.

Apart from the question of documents, having no commitments, no responsibilities the next day was... freeing. It lifted a suffocating weight from her back. It was the first time in a long time that she had had time to breathe.

—

December 25th

The advantage of living in a small town? Gossip spreads faster than fire on dry grass. Dorian wouldn't say he was a gossiper. He just liked to keep informed about other people's lives.

The bad side? When the gossip was about him. Or something he didn't want to know about. Elide had told her boyfriend Lorcan. Who had told Rowan. Which basically meant that the whole town knew. Dorian had to give him some credit, at least he was discreet. Rifthold was too small for a journalist, which was why Aelin had agreed to move with him to the capital, after he had stayed in the country for her. But in a small city? Rowan got really excited. The conclusion was that apart from his beauty, that was the reason he was adored by half of the old ladies there.

The point was that Dorian had spent the whole of Christmas trying not to think about it. About her. Just a few streets away. When they were finishing high school, they were practically on opposite sides of town, but Dorian hadn't set foot in his father's house for a long time. Not even when he went to the city for some reason. His mother and Hollin had stopped by his house, and had even sent him a present. It was something, even if it was more because she felt obliged to than because she wanted.

Now he was sitting on the couch, alone. Thinking. Having repeated doses of existential crises, which were interrupted by Aelin knocking on the door.

— Merry Christmas. — she said, her voice muffled as the two of them hugged.

He hugged Rowan and invited them in, but Aelin refused.

— My mom's waiting. We're just here to pick up my present.

Dorian chuckled.

— You're ridiculous. — But he went to get her package in the living room. When he came back to the door, she also had a package. Both shaped like books.

— What a surprise. — Aelin mocked. — Thanks.

— Are you having your party tomorrow? — Dorian asked.

— Of course, and on New Year's Day will be at Elide's house. We're staying until the 1st this time, it's been a while since we've been able to get everyone together. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about this. Do you think she'll go? Elide must want to take her.

She didn't have to say who.

— I have no idea. We haven't spoken since the day she left.

Aelin nodded.

— I just wanted to let you know that she might be there. Good night.

He said goodbye to them. Dorian wasn't sure how the thought of meeting her made him feel. Perhaps he was still angry. After a while, he had stopped thinking about her. Not completely. Some what ifs were hard to let go.

Especially when they had come so close to being what he wanted, only for everything suddenly end like it had never existed. It had been a long time, so many things had changed and happened. And the more time passed, the more Dorian was sure he could let it go once and for all.

But it would have been good, if she had been the one.

—

December 26th

Aelin Galathynius knew how to give a party.

Dorian had to give his friend the credits. Even if, after drinking, dancing, laughing and chatting, he was standing on the balcony alone while the rest of his group of friends split up into couples. Except for Fenrys, of course. He was with some random woman in one of the mansion's many rooms. If he wasn't with more than one.

He could be as a couple if he started to make an effort, but besides the fact that Sorscha hadn't finished her shift at the hospital, the thought of meeting her was bothering him. Probably because he didn't want to be an asshole or admit that he was thinking about someone who had become a ghost years ago. Dorian shook his head before he followed that line of thought and turned to get another glass of champagne. And froze.

He had seen Elide earlier, but alone. Now... Dorian didn't know why he was so surprised. It wasn't like he hadn't known she was in town, Aelin had made sure of warning him personally that she might be there. But apparently, he hadn't prepared himself as well as he thought. She was beautiful. She always was, but somehow she'd managed to look better. Her hair was longer, past the middle of her back and in a more refined cut than the one she wore in high school. He had avoided the pictures when magazine covers and social media ads started appearing with her face, but the urge to see her sometimes was stronger.

Underneath the heavy coat she had hung up, she wore heeled boots, pants that hugged her legs so tightly it should have been a crime, and a sleeveless blouse with a neckline that could have been an attempt on his sanity. All in black. Except for the lipstick.

Guess who just got fucked?

Dorian hadn't noticed that he was holding his breath until he saw her turn her back and go to another part of the house. Then he felt a bitter taste in his throat. That was why he had given up on what he was starting with Sorscha. Because, apparently, just knowing that she was in town was enough to take ten steps back.

Giving up on something good, something that might have a future, something that could turn into a real relationship, just for seeing Manon. Four years. After four years without a word between them, after she had left, Dorian was still there. Right where she left him.

—

Manon had been at the party for exactly 48 minutes and already regretted it. Elide had spent the whole afternoon annoying her, until Glennis decided she couldn't take it anymore and helped her friend to push her out. Terrible idea.

After spending much more time washing her hands than was necessary, she decided it was enough. This was ridiculous. It was past time to get out of that place instead of hiding in a bathroom like a scared teenager. At least she had somehow managed not to bump into Dorian. Manon had only glimpsed him once and ended up on the other side of the room.

The thought of meeting him brought up so many different feelings, none of which she wanted to feel. Remorse. Shame. Longing. So much that sometimes it still hurts. Ok, that's enough.

She was going to sign the documents with her grandmother the next day. Then she might never set foot on the street again until she was on her way to an airport. Maybe she'd go back to Los Angeles sooner. Or end up in any other city, it didn't matter. Just one more day, she decided, closing the bathroom door. She'd survive one more fucking day…

Dorian did the same. The shock quickly turned to an emotion she couldn't identify and didn't like.

Manon stopped. Just as she had at the door of Glennis's house. She froze in place when she raised her head. When she recognized his features in the low, spaced lights of the hallway. His eyes were as wide as she felt her own for half of a second before she forced her face back into its usual expression.

— It's been a while, witchling.

The nickname didn't seem satisfied with just entering her ears. His voice made sure to send a series of shivers through her entire body, which made her regret wearing only her bodysuit. The heavy barrier of the jacket would cook her inside the house, but it would be very welcome now.

— I think so.

She gave up trying to get past him. She still had a whole hallway to cross to the stairs. Fucking hell.

— How's life in L. A.? I imagine it's pretty good, since you haven't set a foot here for four years.

It irritated her deeply. At any moment he, Elide and Glennis would get together to put up an outdoor in a square counting how many seconds she had spent away.

— I've never been the biggest fan of this place.

— You can see it. Has Yrene talked to you? I'm sure she wants to see you.

— I haven't talked to anyone.

From the way Dorian smiled, he was enjoying the conversation and her rudeness wasn't going to send him off any time soon. Good.

— Oh, it's an usual activity then. I thought not talking to anyone was only for special occasions, like when you go to the other side of the country.

— Glennis and Bronwen knew. And they were the only ones who needed it.

He snorted.

— You really got some nerve to say that.

Manon held back from expressing any physical reaction, like slapping him in the face.

— Incredibly, I have better things to do than debate this with you. If you had something to say to me, you could have sent a message. It's a bit late now.

— No, Manon, you could have sent a message, breaking up with me, saying you were going. You could have sent a damn goodbye emoji, anything would have been better than nothing at all.

Manon felt the heat of anger and shame spreading across her face. Thankfully the hallway was dark.

— And what do you want me to say? — she asked, gritting her teeth. She was aware that they were one step away from start shouting, but she didn't care.

— The reason? Or I don't deserve an explanation either?

— What difference does it make? Why do you even care?

Dorian opened his mouth to reply, but someone came from the stairs to the corridor where they were. He went to one of the doors, opened it and entered a room, but didn't close it, waiting for her to come in. What a pitty. Now she was free to get out of there and lock herself in her room, as she should have done all night.

That's what Manon thought, until she recognized the long brown hair in one of the dim lights in the corridor. The same one she'd seen coming out of a car in the first few minutes in Rifthold. Sorscha. She must have arrived recently, Manon hadn't seen her anywhere in the house. And if she'd been at the party earlier, Dorian probably wouldn't have been there fighting with her.

So, giving in to her ridiculous jealousy, Manon entered the room with him and closed the door behind her.

The room was almost brighter than the corridor, with moonlight coming in through the window. Dorian turned on a small lamp next to a pile of books. The bedroom reminded her of his old one when they were both teenagers, and it could have been cozy, if his expression wasn't freezing the room. She regretted going in there, continuing a fight that would bring back everything she had been struggling to forget over the last few years. His gaze emitted a cold she had never seen in Dorian. One that was too similar to her own. And one that Manon knew she was only staring at because she had caused the pain that had put it there.

Sorscha's footsteps sounded outside in the hallway, and she was afraid Dorian would say something, but they remained silent until she was down the stairs again. A slight feeling of guilt troubled her, but it passed quickly. It wasn't the worst thing she had done in her life.

— Where did we stop? — He asked.

— You were about to start a monologue.

His smile was all sarcasm and the coldness she was already starting to hate.

— That was too insensitive. Even for you. — He spat out the last word with such anger that it almost made her want to run away. Hell of jealousy that didin't let her walk away and pretend nothing had happened. — You're not going to convince me that you didn't care, so why, Manon? That's all I want to know. What I've been trying to understand for four fucking years.

She bit her lip. Hearing him say her name broke up the familiarity that the fight had brought and reminded her that they had just met. The strangeness of that reality after all the scenarios and possibilities Manon had built up in her head of what it would be like to meet him again made her dizzy.

She had lost count of how many times she had replayed again and again the scene in her mind when she couldn't sleep. When having to face him was less complicated than whatever she was going through in California.

— You knew that the only thing I'd wanted my entire life was to get out of this city.

— But I didn't know that you had no reason to stay.

A laugh without a glint of humor came out of her mouth, leaving behind a bitter taste that burned her throat. It sounded just exactly her grandmother's.

— Are you sure? Why would I stay? To spend another night with you? You decided you wanted more than a casual thing on your own, when we both knew from the start that it wouldn't be anything more than that.

A sound of pure shock and indignation came out of him.

— Is that what you invented to sleep better? We were long past that when you left.

— We had fought. — She tried to defend herself, knowing she couldn't.

— Weeks before. We'd already made up.

— And what did you want me to say? — she exploded, taking a step towards him. — Would you be happy when I told you I was moving away just when things were like you wanted?

The shouting had totally started now.

— Of course not, but at least I'd know! — he replied, taking another step closer to her. — I had to find out from your cousin that you were on the other side of the fucking country because you weren't anywhere and wouldn't answer your cell phone, without any explanation. Do you have any idea how desperate I was, thinking your grandmother had done something to you?

That was like a punch in the gut. Manon had never thought of it in that way, and the worst part was that the possibility of her grandmother hurting her was real. A million unspoken things bubbled up in her throat as silence killed the argument, but when she felt an apology appearing, she decided it was time to change the subject.

— Do you really want to fight at a crowded party? — she pointed out, casually.

Dorian remained silent for a few seconds, while he calmed his breathing.

— Do you want to try again somewhere quieter? The middle of the forest is pretty empty at this hour.

— The forest? What if I decide to sacrifice you?

He pressed his lips together to contain a smile or a grimace, she didn't know. With the direction of the conversation going in something so similar to what they used to have, it could have been either of them.

— Knowing that you have another ten witches on your back? I don't think so.

When the silence returned, she took two steps towards the door. It seemed wrong to leave like that, to be anywhere in Rifthold where he wasn't with so many unresolved things hanging between them. Manon knew that meeting him again would be bad, but she hadn't imagined that the list of possible after—effects was so long.

— When are you leaving? — he asked, as soon as she reached the exit of the room.

Manon turned to him, leaning against the door.

— As soon as I get what I need from my grandmother.

— What? — He frowned. — Are you going to see her?

— It's about inheritance. — She answered quietly. That subject was bad in every way she could imagine. — My lawyer said there was no way to avoid it.

And she had tried hard.

— But then you should have done this two years ago.

Manon shrugged.

— It wasn't time enough away.

Before she could open the door, he took a few steps towards her.

— Well, remember that before you leave, we have a fight to finish.

She huffed.

— You should give up and run while you still have the chance.

— I never ran from you, witchling.

— It would’ve been easier if you had.

The sentence hung in the air, waiting for the direction of the conversation to be decided. Dorian silently agreed to put the seriousness and the bad part of the past aside for a moment, as he opened a half-smile.

— True, but then it wouldn't be fun. And imagine how sad your life would be if you'd never slept with me?

A siren started to play in her head. Manon frowned.

— Do you really want to get into this topic?

— I'm not getting into anything. — She rolled her eyes. — I was just saying.

The problem was that when it came to them, nothing was just anything. She looked at him. The slightly longer curls, the hint of a beard that hadn't existed when he was a teenager. The memories of why she had slept with him more than once, something she never did, came flooding back. And now he was no longer on the other side of the room, let alone in the country.

— Really?

He shrugged.

— It's not like this could get any worse.

Indeed. Manon tilted her head back, eyes on his face again. Her heart immediately raced. After all, what did she intend entering in a dark room with Dorian?

If she was already in hell, hugging the devil would be nothing.

— If it's ok with you, it's ok with me, princeling.

Saying it out loud was worse. It made the terrible idea slap reality in her face. Dorian approached slowly, put his hand on her side and locked the door. He looked down at Manon, analyzing her face as she had done to him seconds ago. Her heart seemed about to burst out of her mouth. She gave him a look of "just do it". Dorian got the message.

When they kissed, her body tensed like a rope about to snap. The touch was featherlight, a taste of what she had wanted back for so long. He deepened the kiss and her breathing faltered. The sensation of kissing someone she already knew, the familiarity and yet the difference that had arisen in the years apart, turned her mind upside down. His kisses always managed to make her forget that the rest of the world existed, and it was no different this time.

They gained back the ability to move at the same time. Dorian pressed Manon's body between his and the door, and her hand went to the back of his head to pull him close. In the seconds it took them to catch their breath, they stared at each other with the same haunted expression. At least he was as stunned as she was.

This time, when they kissed agaian, he wrapped his arms around her waist, taking the opportunity to touch every inch of bare skin. Dorian ran his hands down the fabric covering her torso, looking for a zipper or button, and mumbled into her mouth when he didn't find one. Manon only murmured "body" and tilted her head back, exposing her neck. Dorian caressed her nipples over the fabric, leaving a mark in the space between her shoulder and neck. Why the hell hadn't she chosen something easier to take off?

She bit her lower lip to hold back a moan as he caressed her, her breasts heavy with lust. When his lips were on hers again, Manon rested her thigh on his hip and Dorian supported her legs so that she could pass them around his waist. Before she could think better of it, he was already carrying her to the bed. He laid Manon down and took off his jacket and shirt.

— Are we really doing this? — she asked, although she was devouring him with her eyes. She didn't mind shamelessly analyzing each muscle he had gained with time.

Dorian lay on top of her.

— When did we ever make a good decision?

Touché

— Just confirming it.

The more they kissed, the less it seemed to be enough. The sexual tension that had always existed between them was on the verge of making her lose her mind. Manon started to open the buttons and zipper of his pants while he pulled down hers. Dorian stood at the edge of the bed while he took off her boots and socks, and finally reached the opening of her bodysuit.

— Did you have to choose the most complicated clothes in the world?

She crossed her arms even though she was mentally cursing herself for the same reason thirty seconds ago.

— I'm sorry to make your life difficult, but I didn't dress with that in mind.

She raised her arms for him to pull off the last piece of clothing, taking her panties with it. But, to her surprise, he turned her around. It was better that way, actually, if they didn't have to look at each other's faces. Dorian ran his fingers up the inside of her thigh, while pushing her hair away from her neck. Manon let her head fall back onto the pillow, clutching the sheet when she remembered that there was still a party going on outside. Still, it was hard to remain silent when he slipped two fingers inside her, still leaving kisses on the back of her neck. Any rational thought left in her head vanished as he moved his fingers slowly.

It was more of a tease than anything, because he pulled away. Manon almost cursed Dorian when the waves of pleasure pushing her close to relief stopped, but he opened the drawer in the bedside table next to him and took out a packet of condoms. She frowned.

— Does Aelin have a stock of these in every room in the house?

— This room is mine.

If Dorian had a room in Aelin's house, he probably had an altar in Chaol's.

She raised her arm to support her head and turned to him.

— So you, very unpretentiously, brought me to argue in your room?

— In my defense, you could've left.

He made her grimace disappear with more kisses and this time, beyond just desire, she felt her heart ache for all the things they could have been and she had ruined. He lay on top of her and, before she could continue thinking, Dorian spread her legs and entered her in a single movement. Manon let her face fall back on the pillow below, as he brought her wrists together and held them above her head. She would have completely forgotten that they couldn't make a sound if it hadn't been for the loud music. Mainly after he wrapped his hand around one of her thighs and pulled it up, opening her wider, the change in angle made him hit the right spot.

His hard strokes became faster, and with all the filthy things he was whispering in her ear, it didn't take long for Manon to bury her face in the pillow to muffle a scream. He bit her shoulder and came seconds later, still thrusting, prolonging the feeling for them both. Slowly, Dorian pulled out of her and lay down on the other side of the bed. Even after she lifted her face, facing him, neither of them said anything, small shivers still running through their bodies.

Manon could have slept there if she'd stayed like that for a few more minutes. So she got up. She sat on the edge of the bed, trying to find her clothes. But before she could get up, he wrapped an arm around her waist.

— Leaving already, witchling?

She opened her mouth to reply, but ended up holding back a moan when he licked her neck, caressing the curve of her breast with his thumb. Not reaching where she needed, just making her want more. It was working.

She turned her face to him and he raised his head. They could have stared at each other for hours, a silent conversation that made it clear that this would happen again. But not tonight

— I want to sleep.

He chuckled quietly, and didn't insist when Manon got up. She started to get dressed, more than aware that he was on the bed without a single item of clothing, staring at her.

She stopped at the door, still with the feeling she'd had earlier that she shouldn't leave the strange bubble that the room had become, sheltered from reality and anyone besides them.

— Good night, princeling.

Manon closed the door without giving him a chance to reply and, this time, ran for the exit, without giving herself a single second to think about the last hours. She had stayed much longer than she should have at that party.

—

December 27th

Dorian was looking for the leftover of the sweets that Nesryn's father had sent in the kitchen cupboards, when someone knocked the door. He went to the living room to open the door, and the last thing he expected in the world was to see Manon on the other side. Especially after the night before.

He had spent the rest of the night and the whole day thinking about it, replaying the conversation, the fight, and everything that happened afterward on a loop in his mind. And from the way Manon was struggling to keep her face blank, she was thinking exactly the same thing.

— I'm very surprised.

— Asterin called me and asked me to pick up a box with you. Something from the truck that she needs.

When Asterin Blackbeak had sent him a message, Dorian hadn't thought that this was what she had intended. He was going to send her some stickers cursing and saying thank you later.

— I know what it is. It's in the garage.

He led the way and Manon entered, looking around to analyze the house. Dorian wondered if she liked it. She used to say that the mansion he'd grown up in was so exaggerated that it lost its beauty. He agreed, but he never knew if she really thought that, or if her dislike of the place was because of what Dorian had been through with his father.

When they arrived at the garage, he showed her the box on one of the shelves, and of course Manon tried to pick it up herself. She was far from being short, but it was enough for him to love the things that the height difference between them provided.

He leaned behind Manon to pick up the box, touching every inch of her back in the process and remembering the sensation of being inside her in that same position a few hours ago. She turned around with her arms crossed, between him and the shelf.

— You're still that shameless?

He left the box on the bench next to him and immediately forgot it existed.

— You could've let me get it.

— I didn't ask your help.

— It was as clear as the sun that you weren't going to reach that shelf.

He saw the exact moment when Manon ran out of arguments by the way her mouth tightened.

— You could've let me get out of the way then.

— Nice try, but you didn't even try to move.

— So what? You let me in.

— You came in because you wanted to. You could've waited at the door.

— You —

He ended the argument with a kiss.

She'd gone there with an objective, just as Dorian had when he'd taken her to his room at the party. Was he an idiot for still wanting Manon so badly after everything she'd done? What a pity. She wouldn't be in town for long, so it would be over as quickly as it had started.

Somehow they ended up upstairs, their clothes disappearing on the way. He pushed her against the door as soon as it was closed and knelt down, pulling her pants down with him, doing what he hadn't had time to do the night of the party.

Dorian put one of Manon's legs on his shoulder and brought his mouth to her center, closing his eyes when he tasted her after so long. The sound that came from her mouth made his cock ache, and pulled his gaze upwards. She had one hand in his hair, her head leaning back against the door, her breath panting and a blush on her cheeks. Still the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

He moved his tongue all over her again, tasting every inch of her slowly, until her body started to tremble and Manon pulled his hair to make him stand. He had a condom in his hands in seconds while she caught her breath, watching him. Dorian had felt rather than seen her gazes in the darkness of the hallway and the bedroom. Now at least he could identify what she was thinking.

He pushed her back against the wall and Manon wrapped her legs around his waist. Since they couldn't do it the day before, they kissed the moment he buried himself in her. She let her head fall on the door, looking at him with her mouth half open and her golden eyes lighten up with desire.

— I love our ability to pretend nothing happened. — he said.

Manon let out a half-smile and thrust her hips, making him move. Dorian was shared between her mouth, neck and breasts, knowing that she would curse him for the hickeys afterwards, but at the moment neither of them cared. He'd be lucky if the door didn't break after being slammed in the lock.

When they finished, they threw themselves on the bed. This time, whether it was because the position required more effort, because of the two orgasms or because she was giving up her stubbornness, Manon didn't leave immediately. She even let him play with the ends of her hair. After a long time, she turned to him. Dorian had already thought of what to say in the meantime. Suddenly, they were both in their second year of high school, in the first few months when he still had to convince her not to leave before she decided she had stayed too long.

— Are you in a hurry, witchling?

—

Manon parked outside Glennis's house, Asterin's box in the trunk. She looked at the dashboard. She had left for Dorian's house in the afternoon. It was past ten pm. She tried not to be silent when she entered the house, like a teenager sneaking back after bedtime.

The last thing she needed was Glennis or Bronwen asking where she was. Manon just wanted to get in the shower and sleep until noon, and she was happy to do that, especially after the afternoon she'd had. Somehow it was even better than at the party. This wouldn't do any good for either of them, but, stupid as it was, as long as Dorian wanted it too, she had no intention of stopping.

Maybe a few days in Rifthold wouldn't be such a nightmare after all.

—

December 28th

Manon regretted the thought less than twenty—four hours later. She hadn't been thinking when she'd driven to Dorian's house, she'd just ended up there. He opened the door and looked at her, the half—smile disappearing from his face and being replaced by concern as soon as he saw her face.

— What had she done?

At least she hadn't had to explain.

— Are you busy?

— No. — He made room for her to enter and closed the door. They stared at each other, Dorian waiting for her to say something until Manon sighed and gave in.

— She took the opportunity to throw in my face everything she hadn't been able to over the last few years. — She laughed without humor, letting her body fall against the wall. — You guess how many things she had to say to me.

— I'm sorry.

She took the courage to look at Dorian. He seemed to want to hug her, but there was no space left between them for this.

— I shouldn't have come here. — She shook her head and headed for the door, but he held her arm.

— You don't have to go if you don't want to.

Being honest with herself, Manon was afraid of what that would turn into if she didn't leave.

— Are you going to distract me, princeling?

He tugged her arm slightly, a step closer.

— Only if you don't run off after.

She lifted a shoulder. Dorian had said at the party that it couldn't get any worse. Apparently they both took it as a challenge.

Later, Manon would be lying if she said she regretted it. It was a little easier to forget problems eating pastries from Nesryn Faliq's family bakery in his huge, soft bed. Her hair was still damp from the shower Dorian had convinced her to take with him in the middle of the night. It was something they had rarely been able to do before, even though his parents didn't give a damn what he did or where he was.

— She's with Sartaq.

Manon swallowed the rest of the lemon tart.

— Really?

— Yes, but they think no one knows.

She crossed her legs, looking for a brigadeiro in the box.

— Are you going to update the gossip I missed?

He laughed.

— Yes, but I thought Elide did that.

Manon frowned as she remembered what her friend had told her.

— Elide only told me things I'm not interested in knowing.

Dorian raised his eyebrows, but she didn't elaborate. He picked up his cell phone.

— I'll open the talk with Aelin and Rowan.

She came a little closer, but he made room so that she was practically on his lap. She ignored the urge to lean her head on his shoulder, but knew that if she had been distracted, she would have done so. It was like they had continued exactly where they had stopped. Which meant things were about to go bad.

—

December 29th

Manon was wearing Dorian's shirt. He held her while they slept. Everything was so similar to how they used to be that she could have gone back in time. The peace and tranquility of a good relationship, which she had never imagined she would feel one day, was the same. Dorian woke up before her, which never happened, and he wasn't in bed. He was making breakfast when she appeared, her hair messy and wearing his clothes. That was always when she looked most beautiful.

— Good afternoon.

— I have to enjoy it while I can. — She defended herself, sitting down on one of the high stools at the kitchen island. — I can't waste half my day sleeping in Los Angeles.

He pushed a plate towards her.

— What's it like? In L.A.?

Manon stopped her toast halfway to her mouth.

— You really want to know?

He shrugged and sat down on the stool next to her. It was weird telling anyone about all of that, especially Dorian, but the conversation eventually became easy. He told her about the bookshop he'd opened with Aelin, about the new house he'd built himself, while Manon spewed venom about the celebrities she'd had the displeasure of meeting.

— But do you hate them all? Like, zero famous friends?

She nodded.

— Just my agent, Morrigan. And Lidia Cervos.

Dorian's eyes widened.

— Lidia Cervos?

— Yes. — She spoke again before he asked for a photo with Lidia or something. — It's funny, because we only met because I was going out with her current boyfriend.

His grimace was priceless.

— The one from the rock band?

She nodded.

— Yes, why?

She held back her smile when he looked away to find an excuse for his sudden mood.

— He doesn't seem to be your type.

— And what would that be?

— Black hair...

— His hair is black.

— Not shaved. Not long. No piercings, no tattoos...

— You look like a conservative lady.

He threw a grape at her.

— Blue eyes...

— His eyes are —

— Blue, Manon. Not violet or whatever that weird color is, blue. Like this. — he said, pointing to his own face.

— As convenient as your self—description is...

He interrupted her with another kiss. After stopping long enough to put the plates in the sink, Dorian put his hands on her thighs under his sweatshirt and placed Manon on the bench, his tongue caressing hers and his fingers between her legs. She smiled as he sucked another mark on her neck, making a mental note to make him jealous more often.

—

It was dark again, and Manon hadn't left his house since the day before. They were lying on the couch, Dorian on the end and she between him and the backrest, his fingers finally stroking her hair, in the way she liked it so much. The familiar touches and affection were good. Really good. But they hurted too. She lifted her eyelids and found him staring at her, a hint of sadness mixed with the blue of his eyes. When he leaned in to kiss her, she didn't pull away.

The beginning of the kiss was enough for her to see that this one was going to be different. Her heart immediately raced. It felt like it was going to explode in her chest when he ran his tongue over her lower lip, before sliding it in her mouth. No rush, no trying to hide anything, just longing and everything they hadn't said to each other.

When it was over, neither of them moved. They continued with their foreheads touching, still not wanting to know what would happen when the moment passed. But the fear soon hit her, as if someone had opened the windows and let icy wind in. It pulled Manon out and made her sit on the couch, her back to Dorian. He took a deep breath, exhaling tiredness without having to say a word.

— You can't help running away, can you?

— And you need to complicate everything. — she replied, but not even her own voice sounded convinced.

— Oh right, because everything was so simple until now.

She turned to him.

— It could be, if you could ignore this for one damn weekend.

— You trying so hard to pretend you don't feel anything isn't going to make it true.

Manon got up from the couch.

— And why should I do anything different if it's going to end in days?

He got up too.

— You tell me! Things don't have to stay like this.

— And what's going to change when I go back to L.A.? — She felt an alarm screaming in her head, but ignored it. — Give me a single reason not to leave things as they are. I don't see any.

She regretted it the moment the words left her mouth. She had already said the same thing, the same lies, years ago.

It had already been clear that there were feelings between them, but it was the first time they had talked and admitted it. Of course, she had tried to push him away, but Dorian didn't let her. That fight they managed to resolve, was one of the few times in her life that Manon had gone back on her word. At some point, she regretted it. If they had been fighting when she went to Los Angeles, a small part of things would have been easier. Now... he just shook his head.

— I'm not doing this again.

Dorian walked past her to get his sweatshirt from the kitchen. To leave, Manon realized. Immediately, despair set in. He would walk out of that door and he could go anywhere. If he didn't want to see her ever again and disappear until she was gone, he could. She remained static, watching the fragile shield they had managed to maintain crumble. Until he passed her and her body moved of its own accord.

She grabbed his arm and Dorian stopped, looking at her with pure anger and hurt on his face. Her hands were shaking. Was this how he had felt when he watched her leave, not being able to do anything?

Thorns pierced her throat. It would be hard to pull them out, but Manon wasn't going to lose him out for being a coward again.

— I couldn't say goodbye because if I had to, I wouldn't have left. — she said. And once she'd started, she couldn't stop, the words came out in a torrent. — When Asterin called to say that she had made a friend who had agreed to be my agent, I didn't give myself time to think. I just went, because if I thought about it, if I told you, I wouldn't leave, and I had to. I couldn't stay here, Dorian. But Glennis had found me, I'd met Elide, and I had you. I had accepted that I had you. How could I go so far away, leaving everything that was important behind?

Manon took a deep breath. Her chest was hurting so much it was suffocating, but she had to keep going.

— But I'd never have a chance of something like that happening again. I practically informed Glennis that I was leaving because I lived in her house. And that's the only reason I was able to go. It doesn't mean I don't regret it every fucking day.

Dorian blinked quickly and swallowed. She wasn't crying, but she knew there was pain in every line of her face.

— But what about after that? — he asked. — When you were already there, or when things started to work out? You had weeks, months, years to say something. Anything, Manon.

She shook her head, still not sure if she was breathing.

— Weeks, months, years later, I was still dying inside. I still am. The first year was... — she had to stop again as the memories came. — Impossible. I wanted to run back, but I couldn't, not with my grandmother here. I couldn't give up, I didn't want to run back and have her telling me I was the fragile little girl who deserved every slap. If I'd talked to you, if I'd had the slightest impression that you didn't hate me and would rather never see me again, I would have come back.

The words died between them and were replaced by silence. Dorian wasn't looking at her, but he hadn't moved either. Manon kept her hand firmly around his arm.

— That's my reason. — she said, hating her voice for failing.

Dorian nodded.

— Was it worth it? — he asked.

She didn't know how to answer. She asked herself that question every day. Was it worth being away from her grandmother? Yes. But to be away from everyone she loved? Never. Everything she had built up in her career? Yes. But in exchange for the hell that life in L.A. had been? Having to live every day with people who reminded her of her grandmother, always around just to find out if Manon could make it?

— I don't know. — she admitted.

Things weren't absolute, they didn't have only good and bad sides. But she would be lying if she said she didn't look back at the road not taken

Dorian finally looked at her. Manon felt her own eyes burning. The fear was visible on her face, as was the request for him not to leave. He no longer looked angry, but deeply sad, like the seventeen—year—old boy who barely looked in his father's direction. Manon hated knowing that this time, it was she who had left him like this. Wasn't that why she had resisted so much before agreeing to be with him? Apart from her selfishness, cowardice and fear when she saw that she really liked him, but because she knew she would hurt him.

— I'm sorry. — Manon finally said. He said nothing.

Dorian dropped his arm when she let it go. She was thinking that she would have to go upstairs and get her things, but he put his arms around her waist and hugged her. Manon went still. A knot tightened in her throat, and without realizing it she had hugged him back, as firmly as she could.

— I'm sorry. — she murmured.— I'm so sorry.

— I know. — His voice was low enough that she almost didn't hear it. — We'll be all right.

Two tears escaped before she could stop them, but Dorian didn't notice. They could have spent an eternity there, as long as he didn't let her go, Manon wouldn't either. Finally, when the two of them parted, they didn't say anything more, he just held out his hand. She took it.

—

December 30th

— Will you ever be less stubborn? — Dorian complained, even though he was laughing against her neck.

— The day you become less annoying.

Manon turned to him, smiling, his arm still around her waist. She had only left his house early in the morning to pick up some clothes. Glennis and Bronwen were awake and tried to tease her, but she just left the house as quickly as she came in. Manon would be back, though. She owed them a real talk, too.

They hadn't slept much after spending the whole night talking, truthfully, that time. She had told him everything, from her first months in L.A. to what had happened with her grandmother that week. Dorian rested his arm next to her head, his nose almost touching hers.

— I'm sorry, but it's my favorite activity.

— I don't think so.

She pulled Dorian into a kiss. Manon spread her legs and he laid between them. She was tired, but apparently not enough, because wetness pooled between her legs.

Her phone rang, ruining her mood immediately, and he kissed the tip of her nose before moving away to let her answer. When she saw the name on the screen, Manon froze, all the comfort of seconds ago disappearing.

— It's my agent.

She went out into the corridor.

— Mor?

— Did you do what you needed to do, sweetheart?

She sighed and leaned against the wall. Here we go.

— Yes.

— That's good. So, when are you coming back?

— When do I need to come back?

A second of silence on the other end of the line, then she let out a little scream.

— So you're your hot ex—boyfriend...

— Morrigan.

— All right, love, I get it. I can get you to stay until the 2nd, but you'll need to post something. Something about the small town, family, all that shit we know you love. Something like: "hey Instagram, I haven't forgotten about you! I just missed my family, and that's what the holidays are for, isn't it?" I think that's enough.

— Right. — Manon interrupted, before she started babbling. — Is that all you wanted to know?

— Of course, sweetie. We'll update your schedule when you get here. — She paused, and her voice lost its playful tone. — I've been with you for three years, Manon, and you've never taken a single break. You can stay there for a few more days, I'll make sure it won't do too much damage.

— Thank you. — she said sincerely.

— I love you too. Bye!

Before Manon could protest, Mor turned off. Dorian was sitting up in bed.

— Do you have to go?

— Not now. We still have a few days.

— And when you need to? How are we going to do that?

She sat on his lap and buried her face in his neck. She would miss his smell. His smiles. Perhaps even more than when she had gone for the first time.

— I don't know. My schedule is always a nightmare. I can't get back here that soon.

He wrapped his arms around her.

— How about once a year?

Manon pulled away to see his face. She had been waiting apprehensively for that moment even before they were ok.

— Is that enough?

Dorian brushed strands of hair away from her face.

— I can go to L.A. before that. If you want me there.

— I won't complain.

He leaned back against the pillows and Manon sat against him. She looked around the room, at the snow—covered forest through the window, and sank into the warmth of his embrace. She could already feel her heart breaking to leave that bed, the most comforting place she had ever known. Dorian entwined his fingers in hers.

— What if I asked you to stay?

Her heart raced. Manon hadn't considered the possibility. But could she? Would she throw it all away, would she have to throw it all away to stay there? She saw the other road again, the one that looked so much better every time she looked at it. She wasn't sure if life in L.A. was worth it. But her grandmother was still in that city.

She needed time. She needed to think. Manon turned to him.

— Then I would ask you to wait.

Dorian nodded, a serious expression on his face. But he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

— Then I'll put a plane ticket on your account, witchling.

—

New Year's Day

The Anielle Lake was crowded at that time of year. With not many other entertainment options in Rifthold, the whole town went there to watch the fireworks on New Year's Eve. Everyone was at Elide's house, which was near the lake, occupying the huge veranda while they waited for the show. They were armed with bottles of champagne and Fenrys to generate entertainment.

Aelin came out of nowhere and slung an arm around Manon's shoulders.

— I'm glad you're not too famous to talk to us. Humility is the thing I value most.

— Is it to make up for the amount you lack? — she replied.

Aelin showed her two middle fingers and turned away. She was certainly already drunk. Lysandra looked at the clock on her cell phone.

— Shut up, the countdown is going to start.

As they could hear people counting from the lake, they followed the crowd. Dorian raised his eyebrows at her when they reached "five". Manon rolled her eyes.

— How old are you?

But at midnight, she kissed him anyway.

Yrene climbed onto a chair, cell phone in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.

— Nobody moves. We haven't had a picture together for an eternity.

Manon thought about complaining, but remembered that she needed the happy small—town picture for Instagram. Lorcan took the selfie to the protest of anyone apart from Elide, Yrene and Chaol — who only didn't protest because they were polite — because his two meters of height had to be good for something. In the end, she didn't regret taking the picture. And Mor was going to love it.

Manon wanted to drag Dorian back home and spend the last day with him, but after the panic of meeting that group passed, she realized how much she had missed them. Although she obviously wasn't ever going to admit it.

Elide suddenly hugged her.

— I'm so glad you're here.

She hugged her back.

— I'm sorry for everything. And thank you for not giving up on me.

She smiled at Manon and put her arm around hers.

— That's what friends are for. But I'll let you make it up to me when I need a favor.

She didn't have a chance to reply because, at that very moment, Fenrys, Lysandra and Aelin joined hands and jumped off the balcony ledge into the nearest mount of snow.

—

January 1st

Manon slammed the trunk hard, just for old time sake. That was enough change for a single week. She had Dorian again. She was talking properly to Elide. She'd seen Yrene (who hadn't broken her face) and all the others, and had a true conversation with Glennis and Bronwen for the first time in years. And more than anything, she was free of a weight. She would never have to see her grandmother again. And she wouldn't.

— I don't think there's anything missing.

Dorian raised his hand.

— There's me.

She rolled her eyes. He pulled her over to the car and kissed Manon. She laughed, because she suddenly felt like she was in high school again, kissing Dorian in a parking lot.

— We're too old for that, princeling.

He smiled and ran his eyes over her face. The smile diminished.

— I think you need to go, then.

Without thinking, Manon leaned in again, pressing her lips to his lightly, before pulling away. She wasn't the kind of person who could say goodbye, not decently. So she wouldn't say anything. But she didn't need to, because Dorian understood. He tightened his grip on her hand and walked away, heading for the front door. Glennis and Bronwen had said goodbye to her earlier with Elide, so the three of them let her go to his house so he could say goodbye last.

Manon got into the car, this time with the promise of something other than an empty city when she arrived at the airport. She started the car, even though she could already feel part of her heart leaving. Four years ago she hadn't looked back. This time, Manon did.

And she literally saw that road, the one she didn't take. Now she was sure of what she would find if she followed it. It leaded to Dorian, in her hometown.

————————————

Did you guys get all the folklore and evermore references?

I wish I had posted this sooner, but I had never written anything so big and 10k words is a lot to review and translate 🥲

Anyway, I hope you like it, Im 100% obsessed with this song 🤌🏻

#manorian #manon blackbeak #throne of glass #dorian havilliard #sarah j maas #dorian x manon #fanfic #christmas one shots #taylor swift #evermore #folklore

[oristian]

ELUCIEN vs VASSIEN | MAASVERSE SPOILERS

People truly think that Lucien Vanserra, the most loyal to a fault male in this entire series, is going to up and pick Vassa over his mate? Lucien “moon on a string” Vanserra is going to pick a human female over his mate when the bond has not even been explored yet?

The bond between Elain and Lucien has not canonically been explored yet and would have to be explored in a book shared between their POVs. Vassa is mortal and Lucien picking her would mean that one of them would have to give up their life as they know it—Vassa would have to either give up her entire kingdom and life in the mortal lands to be with Lucien in Prythian, or Lucien would have to give up his entire life in Prythian to move to the mortal lands to be with her. The ACOTAR series does not yet support that a fae could give up their immortality, and we do not have enough evidence to support that Vassa would want to give up her mortality. That means that Lucien would lose Vassa in only a handful of decades when she grows old. Romantic, right?

Vassa, who is trying desperately to break her curse. Vassa, who is now the last willing Queen for the mortal lands as two sisters are dead and the others have run away. Vassa, who has endgame-written dialogue with Jurian.

“But, how can Elain and Lucien possibly get together in one book when they can’t even be around each other?”

💜 Feysand — Feyre hated Rhysand at first and fell in love with him throughout ACOMAF. It took them one book to go from enemies, to friends, to lovers.

🖤 Quinlar — Similar to above. Bryce and Hunt were indifferent towards each other and, throughout the book, grew into sexual attraction which then grew into romantic attraction. One book.

💛 DayNight — Reminder that at the end of CC2, Ruhn found out who Lidia truly was and he saw her as both an enemy and a betrayer. It took them interacting in HOFAS to fix that “enemies to lovers” trope between them.

— Other notable mentions: Chaol and Yrene both met, fell in love, got married, and got pregnant all within the same book. Nesryn and Sartag met and got together in one book. Elide and Lorcan had a falling out and ended up getting together in one book. Nessian may have had distinct scenes in other books, but their relationship grew in one book.

— Also, saying that Elain is currently tied to Azriel and cannot possibly fall in love with Lucien is once again disproven by how SJM writes. Aelin was with Sam, Dorian and Chaol all before Rowan. Rowan was with another woman and she was pregnant before Aelin. Dorian was with Aelin and Sorscha before Manon. Elain was also with Graysen before both Azriel and Lucien. Nesta was with other men before Cassian physically and was going to be engaged to Tomas. Feyre was with Isaac and Tamlin before Rhysand. Bryce was going to be with Conner before Hunt. Chaol was with Aelin before Yrene. The list goes on and on.

Saying that Elain and Lucien will not be able to fall in love within one book lacks evidence to support that argument. This is how SJM typically writes her couples. This is also the first mating bond that we’ve seen where both parties are aware of said bond. Even if SJM was going down the rejected bond trope, she doesn’t have enough time left in the series to successfully explore it AND we would need both Elain and Lucien in the same book to be able to gain both POVs of such a thing happening. To even think that Lucien, if he is rejected, will immediately get with Vassa when we know that rejected bonds affect the males more lacks water.

#sjm is a gwynriel and elucien shipper #elucien endgame #elucien supremacy #pro elucien #gwynriel #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #elain and lucien #pro lucien #pro elain #anti elriel #acotar #sjm #sjm universe #maasverse #vassa acotar #anti vassien

[tomtenadia]

Detours to You - ch 14

Hello all, As promised, here we are with anew chapter and the resolution of the cliffhanger from the previous chapter. Please be ready for a lot of fussing and domestic fluff.

MASTERLIST

“There has been an accident.”

Rowan’s heart raced “What is it Ilias?”

“Aelin and Maya. We are with them now.”

“Where?” 

Ilias gave him the location and Rowan dressed quickly like a madman. 

He should have pushed harder. Stopped her from driving away. It was his fault. It was his bloody fault.

It did not take long for him to drive to the site, the blue sirens of a fire engine guiding him like a lighthouse.

As soon as he was on site he darted outside and saw the paramedics loading Aelin on the ambulance and another paramedic holding his daughter.

“Maya!” He screamed in desperation.

His daughter extended her arms to him and he took her in his embrace “I am here.”

“Mama hit a deer.”

Rowan stared at Ilias doing his job and pretended not to see the front of the car smashed against the wall of a house. It had been the owner who had alerted the firefighters after he heard the crash.

“It looks like she swerved to avoid the animal.” The captain pointed at the prints on the snow. “Paramedics say she is fine, just a concussion and likely some nasty bruises on her chest. The seatbelt did its job.”

Rowan nodded.

“You know the protocol, we need to take them to the hospital.” One of his paramedics took Maya back from his arms but the girl protested loudly and his heart broke.                

He tried to soothe Maya “Baby, I need you to go with the nice paramedic and your mum to the hospital. I am right behind.”

Maya held him tighter almost in panic.

The paramedic tried again to grab the girl “Come with me darling, your mum is asking for you.”

Rowan thanked silently the paramedic when Maya followed him inside.

The ambulance drove away and he turned to Ilias “Was she conscious when you got here?”

The captain nodded and scoffed “yes, that woman is stubborn. She was trying to get herself out of the car.”

“Go with them chief, I got the scene, and a tow on its way. This is an easy MVA.”

While on the road he had called Aelin’s parents and by the time he arrived at the hospital, they were just entering the A&E. He called Rhoe’s name.

“Rowan!” Evalin walked to him with terror etched on her face “What happened?”

“Aelin and Maya were coming to stay with you,” he confessed not hiding his shame. He hadn’t been hard enough in trying to convince her not to leave “We had a fight. I begged her not to leave so late in the evening and with all the snow.”

“Aelin did not listen.” Added Rhoe deadpanned, surprising him.

“A deer cut in front of her and she just swerved to avoid it and crashed.”

Evalin gasped in horror.

“They are fine. One of my captains called me at the scene, Aelin was awake and Maya is just scared. Aelin apparently fought the firefighters trying to get out of the car.”

“I am sorry, she inherited the stubbornness from me.” 

“Rhoe!” Added Evalin shocked at her husband jokes.

“Ev, Aelin has been pigheaded since the day she was born.”

Rowan smiled and then walked to the nurses station “Hi Sorscha, any news on Aelin and Maya?”

The woman checked “Med bay 5, the doctor is with her. Maya has been taken to paediatrics for a check up.”

He let Rhoe and Evalin go and talk with Aelin’s doctor while he rushed to Maya. The hospital was a maze and it took him a good ten minutes to reach the ward.

“Maya Galathynius?” he asked with apprehension.

“Any relation?”

“I am the father.”

The nurse let him go and in the distance he saw her on a bed holding elf in her arms. A nurse was sitting with her and was offering her a juice box.

“Dad!” She screamed as soon as she spotted him. In two quick steps Rowan was at her side and enveloped her in his arms. He then looked at the nurse.

“She is fine. We did a lot of checks but she is absolutely fine. Aren’t you Maya?”

Maya snuggled closer to her father “Is mama okay?”

He kissed her head tenderly “as soon as the doctor gives me your discharge papers I will take you to see her. Mum is fine.”

“And the deer?”

“Okay too.”

Ten minutes later a doctor came in the room and explained the checks they had done and all was was clear. Rowan grabbed the papers and lifted Maya back in his arms.

In the A&E, the Galathynius were still with Aelin. 

At the open door he walked in and then to the bed “See Maya? Mum is fine.”

Aelin extended her arms and her daughter climbed from parent to parent.

He stood behind, following the scene from his corner until Evalin pulled him closer “Go to her, Rhoe and I will take Maya for a bit. You two need space.”

Rowan stared at Evalin in shock and the woman nodded to him almost in encouragement.

Slowly he moved to the bed and as he got closer he scanned Aelin for any sign of grave injury, but all he found was a plaster on her forehead. She was sitting in bed and as soon as she spotted him, Aelin extended her hand to him.

Rowan sat at her side and accepted her hand “I am sorry,” she whispered.

Rowan was about to protest but she stopped him “no, I need to get this out,” she added quickly “I am sorry. I was mad at you for all the wrong reasons,” she confessed “What I said to you was horrible. I have been so used to be just the two of us. I made all the decisions, I provided for her and when you told me about the classes I felt as if all of a sudden I was not capable anymore to look after her.” Rowan was again ready to talk but Aelin placed a finger on his lips “And I have been so damn wrong to be jealous of you. I had a look at the courses but I could not find anything that I liked. You did and I wished it had been me.” Her hand caressed his face in a gentle touch “Rowan, in a very short time you have proved to be a great dad for her. She loves you so much,” tears started to flow on her cheeks “And I am so bloody stubborn that I put us in danger. And I am sorry,” another caress “I am sorry that I doubted you or made things hard for you. Having you back after all this time, it caught me off guard. I was so scared, Rowan.”

He moved closer, his arms sneaked behind her back and pulled Aelin to his chest “When you left tonight I felt like a failure. I was so eager to be a father that I just went ahead like a bulldozer and did not consult you.” He closed his eyes and his cheek leaned on the top of her head “I want to be worthy of being her dad and of you. I want to be so damn worthy of you both, Aelin.”

They looked at each other and their foreheads touched. Aelin’s hand cupped his cheek and something moved in her chest. Something old. A thread she thought had snapped was now floating in front of her begging to be reconnected to its other half “You are, and Maya and I are so lucky to have you.”

“How is she?”

Rowan chuckled “She already charmed the nurses and managed to get a juice box from them. Docs says she is all okay.”

Aelin shifted and leaned her head on his shoulder while he kept holding her “Can Maya and I come back home?”

“Are you sure?”

She looked up at him and nodded.

Rowan stared in her blue eyes and slowly felt as if all the messy feelings he had been experiencing lately had started to shuffle back in order. Some of the old feelings had started to resurface, but he had to keep them at bay. They had to work first on making sure Maya was okay. They had done enough damage. Their daughter had priority over their feelings.

“We love your house.”

“Okay but,” Aelin tried to protest but this time it was his turn to shush her “Tomorrow you stay at home. The concussion was very light, but you will be sore from the seat belts. Maya is home from school for the holidays and if you need help I am sure your mum will be delighted to look after you both.”

“Yes, chief.”

“I should have never let you go out.”

She kissed his cheek “You tried. I am stubborn, remember?” She then hid her face in his chest “I destroyed your car. I will find a way to pay you back.”

“Nonsense. I am glad you at least took mine. It has a very reinforced front. It’s meant for off track and other extreme road conditions. Nothing a good garage cannot fix and I also have something called insurance.” He thought about what could have happened if she had gone with her car. He kissed her head “Stay with me and that’s your way to pay me back.”

“I think I can do that.”

Aelin looked up and moved closer. So much that they were sharing their breaths. She was about to brush her lips on his when the scream of her name pulled her back.

Evalin and Rhoe entered the room with an excited Maya holding a lollipop.

“Mama!!”

Rowan helped Maya climb on the bed and gave them some space while he went to the grandparents.

Rhoe passed him some papers “Aelin’s discharge papers. I assume you are taking your two girls home?”

He nodded “Good,” added Rhoe, patting his shoulder. Rhoe went back to Aelin and Maya and Rowan remained with Evalin.

“Fight for them Rowan. Do not let an argument ruin everything. They are your family and they love you.” She gave him a hug “Rhoe and I are rooting for the three of you.”

Twenty minutes later he was walking out of the hospital with a still an achey Aelin and Maya in his hand. He was afraid that Maya might refuse to get in the car but the girl allowed him to strap her in. He passed Elf and hoped she was fine until home. 

On the passenger seat Aelin was struggling to fasten her seat belt. She was sore and movements were hard. Rowan went to her and fastened the belt “Will you be okay?”

She nodded “You are a really good driver and can deal with these roads better than me.”

He left the car park “Who wants ice cream?”

Both women screamed excited so when he was closer to home he made a stop at his local shop down in the village and bought a few types of ice cream.

Back at home Aelin made to grab her duffel bag but Rowan stopped her. “Wait on the porch while I free the hurricane.”

Aelin sat on the chair outside and stared at her daughter following happily her dad. Taking Maya away even if for just two days would have been a grave mistake and fate had punished her for that. Seeing her daughter happy with her dad was all she needed.

“Let’s go in.”

Rowan pushed Aelin on the bench inside the lobby and she protested when he kneeled to remove her shoes “If you can bend to take them off, be my guest.”

Aelin tried and gritted her teeth but gave up when her body screamed and let Rowan take her boots off.

“Dada, my shoes are off.”

He helped Aelin up “Ok, upstairs, pyjama and ice cream.”

Aelin leaned on him as they climbed to the upper floor and Maya followed. She then disappeared in her room while Rowan accompanied Aelin in hers.

“Do you have a pyjama?”

She shook her head “I have been using your t-shirts, they are cozy.”

Rowan chuckled “Oh so you are the thief.” He went to his room and came back with a big TFD 

t-shirt “This should be okay too.”

She tried to remove her clothes but every movement was causing her blinding pain “Can I?”

Aelin blushed. They had seen naked plenty of times but now it was different between them.

Between curses she managed to pull away her hoodie and then the t-shirt and that’s when Rowan gasped. Her chest sported a nasty purple bruise from left to right and a really nasty scratch on her neck that the doctors had covered with a bandage.

“Is your neck okay?”

“Stiff.”

“Okay, we need to keep an eyes for signs of whiplash.”

Maya burst in the room not long after. Elf pyjama on, and soft toys under each arms “I am ready for ice cream!”

Rowan lifted her in bed “Stay here one second while I help you mum get changed.” The girl crawled under the blankets with her friends and waited.

Once ready, Aelin shuffled under the blankets with her daughter and both waited for ice cream.

Rowan came back twenty minutes later all changed too and with a tray with the cups full of ice cream. The really chocolaty ones were for his two girls whereas he had opted for the fruity ones.

“Ae, take these, the doctor prescribed them, should help with pain.”

Obediently Aelin took her meds and then Rowan allowed them to have ice cream in bed.

He sat in the chair he had carried from Maya’s room and while they ate he told them stories of princesses and knights until they both fell asleep.

Rowan tucked both of them in bed and then sent a silent prayer to Mala to always look after them. 

taglist

@rowaelinismyotp @swankii-art-teacher @whimsicallyreading @elentiyawhitethorn @aelin-bitch-queen @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity  @mis-lil-red @thegreyj @sailorsassley @leiawritesstories @clairec79 @morganofthewildfire @sv0430 @heartless--aromantic @autumnbabylon @rowanaelinn @backtobl4ck @susumaus98  @gracie-rosee @mybloodrunsblue @tanvee1231 @avenrebekah @whoever-you-choose-to-love  @theywillnotsingforme @universallytreepost @black-daisy-water @goddess-aelin @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart @lovely-dove-zee @athena127

#rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #rowaelin fanfiction #aelin x rowan #rowanwhitethorn #throne of glass fanfiction #domestic fluff #rowaelinkids #aelin galathynius

[fromevertonow]

Controversial Throne of Glass opinions:

————

Don’t murder me but I don’t care about Lorcan or Elide at all

Their pov’s were so boring and added so little to the story why is everyone obsessed with them I—

————

I never liked Dorian and Sorscha together. Their relationship was so weird to me and felt forced because Dorian was supposed to be this playboy who went for a one-night-kinda-thing, yet simps for a healer that is the opposite of him.

I will say that when he tried to put her head back... that was heartbreaking and sad

————

Chaol’s redemption arc was beautiful. I don’t care what others think. Everyone’s always feeling bad for Aelin taking the blame on herself for shit that isn’t even her fault, yet when Chaol does the same he gets burned at the stake.

Can we not? Yes, he was a very big little bitch in QoS. Yes, that was his worst book. No, I did not like him in that book. But he realized he was wrong, didn’t he? There are far worse characters in this book than Chaol. I said what I said.

Plus, this man is the most human character in this series.

————

Aedion is a bitch. I get that he was hurt when Aelin and Lysandra didn’t tell him about the plan which involved him very much. I get why he would be pissed about the fact that he was forced to help Lysandra bring Ashryver children into this world.

But that does NOT give you the right to treat Lysandra like that when it was Aelin’s plan. Lysandra literally did what Aedion would have done as well: follow their queen’s orders. He doesn’t even blame Aelin in the slightest, probably bc she was in the iron box, but come ONNNNN.

You don’t throw a naked woman into the fucking snow because you’re pissed at her. You don’t fucking treat her the way you did while she has done nothing but fight for the same queen you’re fighting for.

————

I like Maeve because she is an amazing villain.

I was glad she died though, but shit she was powerful.

————

Celaena wasn’t an assassin in the first two books. She was a girl who loved chocolate cake and that was it.

In her pov, it is mentioned so many times how she would do this and that to a person to disarm them, but SHE NEVER DOES. I never felt like she was the infamous Assassin of Adarlan. She had a name for christ’s sake, why the fuck does she act like this little girl who’s just swinging a blade around for fun?

The first time I actually thought “yes, that’s my girl, that’s the assassin” was when she went to rescue Chaol in that warehouse and everything after that in CoM was *chef’s kiss*

————

Why the fuck is everyone so horny all of a sudden in Empire of Storms? You’re trying to save the world, and all you can think of is railing someone up a tree.

Was Rowaelin’s scene beautiful? Yes, it was. But the constant pining and longing for sex was so weird pleaseeeee

Same goes for when Aelin and Rowan have their first real talk in KoA after she was free. They talk and then *boom* sex. She was literally in an iron box for two months, being tortured, and sEX is the way to fix her trauma? Couldn’t they just hold each other through the night? Wouldn’t that have been more realistic????

————

Anyway...have a nice day, and don’t kill me for this <3

#throne of glass #tog #celaena sardothien #celaena #chaol westfall #chaol #dorian havilliard #dorian #rowan whitethorn #rowan #queen of shadows #qos #heir of fire #hof #empire of storms #eos #tod #tower of dawn #kingdom of ash #koa #sjm #sarah j maas #maeve #crown of midnight #com

[aelin-queen-of-terrasen]

AAAAHHHHHHHH YES DORIANNNN

I've loved him since day1 and I'll love him forever he's my sweet little baby and I didn't expect to like Manon and him together but I love that I'm wrong here bcs for some reason I love him with Manon

like I said there are sooooooooo many things I LOVED and I literally inhaled this book in a day and a half and I'm still going through everything that happened and just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and I loveddddd the bit where Rowan goes that he doesn't have anything to offer Aelin like land or money or his title and stuff like that but when his cousins come to this aid and he goes that his is what he is offering her his Whitethorn line or something like that and my heart just melted

and Gavriel-Aedion meet!??! my heart actually broke reading it I'm pretty sure that Gavriel didn't know that he had a son when he left Aedion's mother and now he just wants to talk to his son but AEDION??!! why?!! and I get both sides but stillll and finally when Maeve comes him back but he leaves a shield in place around Aedion and even Lysandra and again my heart just aaaaaahhhhhhhh

and Evangeline???? We've seen so less of her but I'll protect her at all costs!! Ahhhhhhh that scene what they leave her with Murtaugh and Lysandra and Eva have to say good-bye like thank god we didn't get this scene from Lysandra's pov (if I'm not wrong haha can't remember this bit) and OH MY GOD WHEN AEDION KISSED EVA'S HEAD AS A GOODBYE LIKE WHYYYYY!???!! I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS

and I've to say that out of all the side characters backstories and povs, I loved Elide and Lorcan the most and the tent scene and when he washes her clothes himself and when he comes back for her when Vernon shows up and that whole tearing up his shirt so she would have her supplies and him giving her that protective golden ring (I've forgotten the name) and the whole island thing and her offering him a home in Perranth (that's the name I guess?) and him finally accepting that he wants to come with her and their kiss like sarah would you just kill me already this couple is tearing my heart and healing it at the same time

andddddd omg when I was reading how Lorcan reacted to Elide's cycle I remembered that when Aelin got hers in the beginning and Chaol was there and when he found this out and actually RAN from her room and then Dorian comes and helps her ah man I just love him

ahh no I don't want to read ToD I simply can't read about Chaol anymore and ik he had his reasons but I just can't get over how he acted and treated Aelin in QoS

and I can't tell you how fun it is to talk to someone who knows what I'm talking about so thankssssss!!! maybe I just find that courage to talk to you non-anonymously soon hehe

It would be awesome if you could but if you can't, I love recieving your asks! I'll reply from bottom to top.

Dorian is so adorable; it's so rare for me to love a side character more than the main love interest but he's just, argh, perfect. Even in the first book, I always wished Celaena would choose him instead of grumpy grandpa chaol. I liked chaol well enough tho, even when he was such a little shit asking her what she did to deserve her scars and always being scared of her like he just loves a part of her; not the assassin, not the king's champion and definitely not the queen. I still liked him anyway for some reason until QoS but then he was such an asshole to her??? The girl is trying to save her kingdom from the evil king you served not that long ago. He keeps resenting her for it. And blaming the massacres of Endovier and Calculla on her too? That was so uncool. He thought she was just frolicking around faeries in wendlyn; it made me so mad, as if he knows anything about her. So I can understand not wanting to read ToD — also because I can't possibly read about fucking chaol when Aelin's in an iron coffin oh god. But please remember to read a summary or some things won't make sense! All Elorcan scenes were so cute but particularly the one where he left stripes of his shirt for her to use for her period. That was so un-Lorcan-like so I loved it. Also that other scene where he drops the shield when Elide is attacked so that someone can heal her and he says I wanted to go to Perranth with you. It broke me. Aedion and Lysandra raising Evangeline along with kids of their own would be the sweetest thing ever in the world. I wish Gavriel and Aedion had more time together. I understand his mother hiding it from Gav to protect Aedion from Meave but I can't help but resent it because that wasn't exactly Gavriel's fault; he just wants his son. I can't— 😭 and Rowan's quote:

There's no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will still love you.

I didn't like Dorian and Sorscha; it seemed like that ship was being forced down my throat. So when Manorian started seeming like a possibility I didn't expect to like it as much as I ended up liking it! I loved and hated empire of storms' ending in equal measure for the whole whitethorn bunch turning on Meave, all their allies getting together, etc etc. And Aelin-Brannon interaction lmao this girl really be antagonizing everyone. 😂

#asks #empire of storms spoilers #empire of storms #throne of glass #throne of glass spoilers

[yellowpeonies26]

Then why don’t we make it official?

Rowaelin Hogwarts au oneshot

Part 2 of this, kinda- you can read one without reading the other

Aelin hated the history of magic lessons and everything that came with it, which was why she sat at the Ravenclaw table in the great hall at breakfast, beseeching Dorian to do her homework for her.

“No, I’ve got my own homework to do and I need to practice with the team for our upcoming game.” What didn’t add was that the Gryffindor quidditch team no longer needed to practice so much anymore since they got knocked out this season so she will have more time on her hands but Dorian wouldn't say it, he was too diplomatic for that. She wished that he had said it so she could refute his claim and say that they were actually going to practice soon to get better in the rain. Despite that, the loss still stung.

Her head rested on a hand, her elbow on the table and a pout on her face. A hum resounded out of her throat, “so, who is this girl you’ve been pining over.”

“Oh, so I refuse to do your homework so instead you pester me, hoping that I’ll change my mind to get you to stop?” He raised an eyebrow and she couldn’t tell whether the smirk playing around his mouth was from embarrassment or amusement.

“I was just making conversation,” she said defensively, ”but if you wanted to change your mind I wouldn’t turn you away.”

Dorian’s sapphire eyes rolled fondly; as they did so often when Aelin was around.

“I’ll just keep hounding you.”

Nehemia came and sat with them, her blue robes matching Dorian’s. She politely asked what they were talking about and when Aelin told her of the subject matter, her eyes averted to the toast in front of her.

Suddenly suspicious, Aelin’s brows knitted together with her eyes bouncing back and forth between her two friends, both of which were acting shifty.

“I won’t interfere if you do this assignment for me.”

Dorian faced her fully and assessed her raised eyebrows and smug features before asking, “how can you interfere if you don’t even know what you're interfering in?”

In answer, she pointed her gaze towards Nehemia and then back to Dorian.

A laugh escaped her friend sitting diagonally across from her, Nehemia’s braids fell behind her shoulders as her head tilted backwards.

“I have to go, I’m tutoring a third year struggling with ancient runes.” Nehemia sent an amused look their way and Aelin forgot to say bye because her mind was preoccupied with trying to organise and make sense of everything.

Dorian seemed inclined to either ignore her or leave himself even though he knew she’d follow after him. She grabbed his sleeve just in case and leaned in so no-one else could listen in.

Of course that was when Rowan walked through the doors and his gaze immediately landed on them, assessing their proximity. In response she gave him a sultry glance and rolled her eyes cheekily at the proprietorial look that he was failing at hiding.

“So it's not Nehemia, then who is it?”

“I might as well do your essay while I'm doing mine, I'm assuming it's the same one.” A blush crept its way onto his cheeks.

“I won’t say anything, I swear.”

He mumbled something. “What? I didn't catch that.”

“Sorscha.”

A pause followed by Aelin’s barrage of questions assaulted Dorian. The final question she asked was, “why didn’t you tell me?”

“I know that you mean well, but if you’d have known so would the rest of the school.”

“Are you trying to say that I can’t keep anything quiet.”

Her thoughts drifted to the broody Slytherin sitting at his house table, inconspicuously watching them from the corner of his eye. She had kept their relationship a secret; sure, she had told Ansel but that didn’t really count.

After a few minutes of her draining every piece of information from Dorian, Aedion called her from where he sat at the Gryffindor table because they were late for practice.

As she walked towards the doors of the great hall, she could see Rowan’s face as he casually conversed with Lorcan beside him. Oh, he was definitely jealous.

Aelin had grumbled the whole way to the quidditch pitch and Aedion was inclined to agree but insisted that the team captain, Ilias, was right in having the team practice in the rain and wind. When Aelin tried to convince him that the conditions were too dangerous, he just said that Quidditch matches wouldn’t be postponed so they needed to learn how to manage. He was a man of few words but the words that he did say were always true.

They were in the air a matter of minutes after getting changed into their Quidditch gear. They flew around, threw some balls, dodged some bludgers and aimed for the golden rings at the end of the pitch: all the usual things really.

Despite the atrocious weather which had only gotten worse while they practiced, AelIn got more and more enthused in the game just as she did with every quidditch match, apart from the ones that had Rowan there distracting her. She was reminded of all the times she and Aedion had played together in a small field with a group of friends as she watched him send a bludger in the direction opposite to her.

She wasn’t used to playing this weather. Sure, Terrasen’s weather wasn’t the best and that’s where her and Aedion used to play but her parents and aunt would always ban them from leaving their sight because they knew that they would get on their brooms as soon as they turned their backs.

Something hit her side just as she lunged for the quaffle Ansel had thrown her. Mikhail had hit a bludger and the force had sent him swerving into Aelin’s side. She tried to regain her control of her broom but it was slippery in the rain.

The next thing she knew, she had toppled off her broom completely and looked up to see Mikhail trying to catch her, his hand grazing her arm.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Miss Galathinius, can you hear me?” Madam Hafiza was leaning over her, attempting to rouse her from the half-conscious state she was in.

The only response she could give was the full opening of her eyes and a groan that came out louder than she intended.

The matron, Hafiza, had trained in the legendary medical school, the Torre Sesme and gave up a job teaching there to come and practice at Hogwarts instead.

After doing a few tests, madam Hafizaexplains that she only sustained a few broken bones and a mild concussion because of the height she fell from. It wasn’t very high because Ilias had taken some of the team’s concerns into consideration and told everyone to purposefully fly low and only to exceed the limit he set to score goals. She thanked the gods that it wasn’t a higher drop because her injuries would have been a lot worse.

“Would you like your friends to come in, they’re waiting outside.”

“Uhh, yeah, let them in.” She was still groggy because of the concussion.

The next thing she knew, Aedion came barrelling through s though he had been waiting expectantly right in front of he door the whole time.

“Are you okay?” Madam Hafiza recounted all of her injuries which Aelin was glad for because her head pounded even more when she spoke.

He let out a sigh of relief and the others came trailing in after him, slightly less alarmed. Mikhail tried to apologise for knocking her off her broom, Ilias tried to apologise for insisting that they practice in weather so dangerous and everyone practically tried to apologise for not catching her but Aelin shut them all down. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. She should have been more aware of her surroundings; it was always the one thing she could be faulted for.

A while later, some of the others had left but Ansel, Aedion, and Nesryn remained chatting with her. She’d have to stay overnight so madam Hafiza could monitor her bones’ progress with righting themselves with the help of the tonic she had to take. She also supposed that another reason she had to stay was because the tonic tasted so nasty that she wouldn’t have taken it if she didn’t have the matron watching over her every time.

“I think we should probably go now, you’ve got a lesson haven’t you Aedion,” he tried to protest but Ansel carried on, ”and Aelin needs to rest.”

Again, Aedion tried to protest but Ansel dragged his hulking frame towards the exit, only letting him return to give Aelin a hug before he left. The others said goodbye and Aelin was left wondering why she had wanted everyone to go so abruptly.

She found out why though when she looked towards the second door, the one furthest away from her bed. Rowan was standing there, a bunch of flowers in hand.

She should have already known that half the school already knew about her accident but despite the thought making her want to groan, couldn’t hold in her huge grin at the sight of Rowan standing there, waiting so he could see her, check if she’s alright. Aches and pains forgotten, Aelin laughed inwardly to not alert the others who were almost at the door. She wondered how long he had been standing there because if he had come in, it would have aroused suspicion and a constant glare from Aedion, maybe even more than a glare.

“How are you?” Concern graced his features and his tone.

She rattled off her list of injuries and added a, “but i’m fine” on the end at his still worried face.

He let out a breath of both relief and frustration. “I hate having to hide that we love each other.”

“You love me.” It must have slipped out due to his mixed emotions and she delivered her response as both a question and a statement, with a hint of teasing yet seriousness at the same time.

Undiluted panic crossed Rowan’s face, something that he would never let anyone else see. “Yeah, I do.” Then almost as an afterthought he said, “and I know that you love me too so don’t bother trying to tease me.”

Unbridled joy overtook her features; her eyes crinkled and mouth lifted so much that her cheeks ached. “Then why don't we make it official.”

His expression now mirrored hers. “It was your idea to keep it a secret in the first place, you should make the decision. Though I would like to be able to scare off any other guys who get too friendly.”

Aelin rolled her eyes but it was half-hearted because she was just too happy to feel anything else. She knew he was jealous of her and Dorian in the great hall.

Aedion was going to have a tantrum for a couple of days, maybe even a couple of weeks. Not to mention, the rest of the quidditch team; they see him as a rival, someone to keep far away from the inner workings of their team. But they’d get over it eventually and at the end of the day, Rowan and herself could be open about their relationship so it was worth it. And she believes that she was entitled to more than a few PDAs(public displays of affection) after all this time, especially in front of Rowan’s friend Lorcan who already hates her.

“Then yes, I think it’s time, but you have to leave Dorian alone.”

At this, Rowan rolled his eyes but agreed while leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin #hogwarts au #throne of glass #nehemia #dorian havilliard #sorscha #oneshot #on ao3

[aelinbitch-archive]

so annoying when antis blame aelin for nehemia’s fridging. like it was a racialized death for sure ... but aelin didn’t kill her or cause her death. completely the fault of SJM. and aelin antis are no better, using Nehemia as a tool to put down aelin rather than appreciating her and her character. in all their nehemia lives AUs, she’s just there to conveniently take down aelin and it’s all about aelin and how awful she is, instead of being ab nehemia and her canonical characterization. ugh

Agreed, for the most part. Honestly I tend to do my best to not judge anyone for their reaction to Nehemia’s death because it…. sucked……. SO bad. And I think it’s a valid reason to not want to read about Aelin anymore. Like if you’re a young woc reading tog and you get to that part of com and you need to react like “Fuck celaena fuck sjm fuck these books nehemia is alive in my head I Don’t Know Anyone Named Aelin” to cope with the oppressive bullshit you just read… valid. Completely valid. Because the reality is that Nehemia was fridged to further Aelin’s storyline specifically. 

However. If that was the extent of it there wouldn’t be any flaws in this discourse, and there… are.  

For one: yes, what you said. People’s inability (and lack of any desire) to separate Aelin from SJM is one of the most grind-your-teeth, rip-out-your-hair obnoxious things about all of tog discourse. A character does not fridge another character - the author does that. You can’t sensibly call Aelin racist - meaning that her character, in-book, displays prejudice towards poc. There is… no evidence for this. SJM is the one who should get shit for Nehemia’s death (and she really should), not Aelin’s character specifically (although like I said above, it’s still understandable if you don’t want to read about her because of it). 

(And on the flip side of that same coin, if people were genuinely committed to discussing the various characters’ in-book responsibility for Nehemia’s death, one Mr. Chaol “literally textually responsible for it” Westfall should be at the center of the discussion, and obviously as an an/ti darling, he isn’t.)

Second, the whole tog fridging discussion on this website is so clearly biased against Aelin’s character specifically that it often negates any positive, clarifying, or rectifying impact it otherwise might have had. It’s been my experience that that roughly 95% of “An/ti Tog” people love Dorian Havilliard. Which is… interesting. Because using Nehemia’s death as a talking point doesn’t make sense to me if you condemn Aelin’s character for SJM’s choice to kill off Nehemia but not Dorian’s character for SJM’s choice to kill off Sorscha. Because it’s the same shitty situation: a woman of color was fridged for a white character. And it’s not that I’ve never seen anyone bring up Sorscha’s fridging, or even acknowledge that Dorian was the one whose narrative benefitted from her death, it’s that I’ve never seen anyone use it as an an/ti Dorian talking point the way Nehemia’s death is used as an an/ti Aelin one. Nehemia’s death fuels an/ti aelin sentiment specifically, while Sorscha’s death just fuels an/ti tog sentiment in general. You have to admit there’s a discrepancy there. 

Third, I’ve written before about how people ~use~ Nehemia’s death in their meta in… inappropriate ways. For, like, the third time this week (omg), I hate to quote my own writing like a complete narcissist, but the gist of it is: 

“I really can’t stand diehard “an/ti tog” people (who made it all the way through com and hof without having a problem!) who bring up [Nehemia’s] death as a way to lazily justify the extreme level of pettiness (and frankly nastiness) they exhibit towards other, completely unrelated aspects of the series. Because that’s a pretty fucking serious issue you’re encroaching upon to make a subjective opinion like “rowaelin is annoying” into a ~political~ statement.

Especially if you only ever bring up her death as a completely inappropriate way to give your other opinions credibility, and ESPECIALLY if you then turn around pretend like you’re somehow morally superior for said opinions when they’re basically “aelin-is-a-bitch-and-it’s-somehow-her-fault-malide-isn’t-canon-chaol-deserved-better-I-hate-rowan.”

(Like… if you gave CoM five stars and only began to have a problem two whole books later when Aelin broke up with Chaol and you needed it to further your agenda then that’s. Hmm). 

Fourth (and lastly, because I did not intend for this response to get so long), I want to scream the last part of your ask from the rooftops!! Don’t claim that all of your an/ti sentiment stems from love of Nehemia when you never actually talk about Nehemia herself! It’s so clearly all about Aelin and (relating back to point three) people so clearly only value Nehemia for her use as woke-sauce to drizzle all over their an/ti Aelin opinions. Which just ends up reinforcing the idea of Nehemia as a prop rather than a person instead of fighting against it, which is the supposed goal. 

The other day I saw this one-star goodreads review of koa that was like “celery/alien should have stayed locked in the iron coffin forever and nehemia should be alive frolicking with chaol and dorian through the forest.” And while I have to marvel in awe at the creativity of an/ti aelin nicknames (stunningly good, hello) that review was sooo bs to me on sooo many levels. Like first of all, yes! Great job being woqué! Saying you want a fictional teenage girl to die a violent death because you don’t like her? Very very socially aware, well done. Second of all, don’t you dare insult Nehemia Ytger by headcanoning her as best friends with Chaol and fucking Dorian!!! She canonically does not fuck with them. Like how insulting to group the princess of a colonized country with the respective prince and captain of the empire that destroyed said country?? Chaol’s actions serving Adarlan as captain of the guard quite literally lead to her death and the only regret he ever felt over it was that it ruined his relationship with Celaena why the fuck would Nehemia be frolicking with that man in a fucking forest. And no, the fact that Chaol hates and mistrusts your least favorite character, who actually happens to be another princess from a colonized country trying to save her people from Chaol’s people, is not a good enough answer to that question. 

#not putting those slashes to be salty and annoying i just don't want it to show up in the tags lol #long post #racism / #greatest hits: hot takes

[bookofmirth]

Dorian in KoA

I’ve been thinking a lot about Dorian and what he did in KoA, not only to help with the wyrdkey and lock situation, but just in general. How his relationship with Manon changed and how he mourned Sorscha and how he tried to come to terms with his father and not knowing what kind of king he wanted to be/could be. (This is lowkey because we tend to talk about Dorian in terms of manorian and not as an individual, independent character. But there’s so much more there than a ship.)

Throughout the series, Dorian was trying to figure out how to wield his power, both in terms of magic and being King of Adarlan. When he met Celaena, he played the part of pampered prince well. He looked down at her from his throne, he was fine taking a woman from prison and forcing her to fight for him. He ate like a fine lady still. Then as we get to know him, we see that the most significant emotional relationship he has is with his best friend, the captain of his guard. (I wonder if Chaol’s loyalty to the King of Adarlan was another thing making Dorian feel like he had to stay in line. Just a thought.) Dorian’s family is more ceremonial than anything else. His mother probably did not get to marry for love, and so that’s understandable. Up until we meet him, Dorian’s most significant emotional relationship was with Chaol. Which is pretty damn important.

Going back to who Dorian was supposed to be and who he was, that means that Dorian the Future King and Dorian the Person are not necessarily the same. You have Dorian the playboy, and the Dorian who gave a girl - whom he owed nothing to - hope. However, Dorian the Person doesn’t matter, not in the scheme of things, that’s what his father would say. So Dorian grows up knowing that he will have control of a kingdom, but feels like he has no control over himself.

It’s an ironic twist that for all of Queen of Shadows, Dorian had zero control over himself or his body. His loss of autonomy was complete. He was trapped and horrified at what he had failed to do, and then what he was forced to observe. He was supposed to have saved Sorscha, become King of Adarlan, and kept being bros with Chaol. He may have been dreading having to follow in his father’s footsteps, but he could do it. Then in QoS, even that was stripped away.

So then skip to EoS/KoA, and suddenly... Dorian not only has control of himself again, but he realizes that he has more control over his life than he knew. And that’s terrifying. He could really fuck everything up, and it would be all his fault. There was no demon inside of him anymore, his father was no longer looming over him, telling him everything he was doing wrong. He was finally able to mourn Sorcha openly.

He had difficulty using his shifting ability because he wasn’t comfortable in his own skin yet. He didn’t know who he wanted to be, because he hadn’t had the ability to choose in so long. So what if he made the wrong choice? What if he failed again? Dorian had complete control, and no idea what to do with it. At first. It wasn’t even until he broke away from Manon and made choices for himself that he finally started to come into his own. He went and got that power by himself. He sat alone and practiced shifting. He went to Morath alone.

Sure, Manon’s role in Dorian’s life is important. But it’s not everything. Dorian grew up knowing not only that he had to be king, but that if he failed, his brother might take his place. And that really, really can’t happen. Dorian grew up knowing what kind of king his father was, knowing he didn’t want to be that, but not being sure what other choice there was. Aelin came into his life at exactly the right time, as a model of someone who doesn’t rule their kingdom, but serves it. And I think that’s exactly what he needed, to show him another way that he could be, as a king.

#kingdom of ash spoilers #koa spoilers #kingdom of ash #dorian #throne of glass #thoughts on characters #my meta

[for-sorscha]

hi I was supposed to do character ask things but tumblr is being awful and not letting me bold text when answering so I’m going to do a post about it ok (sorry this is so late!)

-

Chaol

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: his loyalty

worst quality: putting himself last

ship them with: dorian ofc :)

brotp them with: nesryn!! sorscha, manon (?), ooo and ren

needs to stay away from: alien, god protect him from her and her little giddy gang

misc. thoughts: he’s one of the very first book characters I fell in love with. his loyalty and personality drew me to him and I wanted the world to see him the way I do. he truly deserves better and I wish he could’ve gotten the story he deserved.

-

Dorian

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess (eos) | like them! | love them (pre-eos) | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: his caring nature and confidence

worst quality: the personality switch in eos

ship them with: chaol (they are soulmates!) if not, I liked him and sorscha as well.

brotp them with: manon, lysandra (?)

needs to stay away from: aelinnn and all her little friends

misc. thoughts: dorian was really fun to read about in the first couple books. I thought his story was really interesting and he was one of my favourites from the get go. that all changed after eos. he totally changed and it went downhill from there. in my mind he’s still the dorian we once knew.

-

Sorscha (anon is after my own heart)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: everything!! more specifically, her bravery (I mean sneaking behind the kings back with knowing threats is pretty gutsy)

worst quality: not having a last name ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ whose fault could that be

ship them with: dorian, nehemia

brotp them with: chaol!! give them the friendship they deserve

needs to stay away from: the king, and sjm lol

misc. thoughts: I loved sorscha from the moment she was introduced and I loved her relationship with dorian as well. Her death made was unnecessary and brutal. I remember reading it in class and actually gasping. I wish she had lived so badly. She was utterly normal, trying to help her family, and that’s what she got in return. Definitely one of my favourite characters who deserved so much more.

-

Aelin

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess (eos) | like them! | love them (pre-eos) | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin (?)| ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: bravery? idk

worst quality: very egotistic and cocky

ship them with: nehemia (tog) but I guess rowan now since they’re both unbearable :)

brotp them with: used to be the royal guard in the first two book as well as the original trio, now again rowan :)

needs to stay away from: chaol, dorian, manon, nesryn, elide, the list is never ending

at least she has rowan :)

misc. thoughts: I actually liked her in the first book but even as early on as nehemiah’s death I started to dislike her. She was much less toxic in the first book. Everything went downhill when rowan was introduced imo. Still pissed she got rid of the ring chaol gave her. Still pissed she tried to kill dorian.

#asks #thanks for asking! #srry this is late :’) #also its 2am so sorry for mistakes luv u

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Loving Manon- Dorian Oneshot

[Damn, these are becoming a habit. WELP! Manorian, a bit of Celorian because pls we all know that’s lingering in the back of our boy’s head, just ruminating on Dorian’s feels for a certain Witch Killer, fair warning this could get angsty but I swear no freezing oneself to death this time, for @propshophannah and @helloprinceling because I love you and also I want you to suffer :P Set whenever you want it to be, darlings.]

Loving Manon alternates, depending on the day, between easy as breathing and really fucking hard. Some days they laze around in bed, grinning and whispering and rutting, and there’s little to it but sweat and sex and soft white hair like moonlight glowing in the sunlight, and it’s easy to love her. 

Other days she sits in a corner and broods. Or she disappears on Abraxos to do gods-know-what before the sun has fully pushed away the pink fingers of Dawn and Dorian is left to brood on his own. Whenever Asterin sees, she snorts and tells him to stop looking like a kicked puppy. He tries but it’s hard, even though Manon always comes home at the end of the day, hands him a fist full of wildflowers and he smiles and loves her again. He can’t help it- loving Manon is hard when he’s alone.

On the worst days, it’s not her fault at all that it’s hard to love her. It’s his own. The shadows steal into his mind overnight and he is left watching Sorscha die over and over and over again. Or he’ll catch Aelin laughing with her head tipped back, arm in arm with Lysandra and he’ll have to look away. Aelin is Queen of Terrasen; Aelin is married to a male who would walk through Hell for her; Aelin killed Celaena Sardothien a long time ago. It doesn’t matter, though. Celaena steals into Dorian’s nightmares, wrapping herself around him to the sound of a haunting piano, loving him like she was born for it; his beautiful assassin, the girl he freed.   

But on good days, the days that outnumber the bad, loving Manon is easy and Sorscha’s head is driven away and Aelin’s fangs flash in the sunlight. Manon is easy to love. Her eyes are gold, her hair is liquid moonlight, and her body is slim and strong and his, a thousand times his by the goddess’s grace. Her smile is small and lazy, pointed iron teeth hidden by closed dark lips. Her eyelids are pale, veins hardly visible, thin skin dropping to hide golden irises with a fan of thick lashes. Her hands are smaller than his, covered in a hundred scars, her nails sharp and iron and deadly, proof of her vitality. 

He loves her. He loves her. He loves her. 

#dorian havilliard #hi i'm evil #manorian #celorian #manon blackbeak #aelin ashryver galathynius #celaena sardorthien #rowaelin #i enjoy watching you suffer #tog #this is kind of unmoored from time #post tog 7 #during tog 7 #eos #you're welcome #asterin makes fun of dorian #lingering feelings from past romance #dark dorian #no one ever said he was perfect #my fic #i'm a real downer lately

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 44

Good evening/ morning/ afternoon depending on your time zone. Here we are with another update. This one has just a smidge of angst. I swear it's minimal and it ends in fluff but Aelin has a bit of a break down. She misses her bird boy and well, with all that is happening she is a bit overwhelmed.

MASTERLIST // CH 43

Dorian's meeting with the commissioner and all the other chiefs in the region had gone on for far longer than anticipated. All the chiefs had been lamenting problems and the reports had taken quite a long time.

He had just left the meeting room when he looked at his phone and saw a few texts from Aelin and a voicemail. He listened to it and froze. The commissioner was walking at his side and noticed his reaction.

“What happened?”

“A big explosion in a house where a group of boys was cooking some drugs.” His rage was threatening to burst but reined it in. “My team is at the hospital. Ress is okay but Asterin is still under surgery,” his hands fisted in rage “Aelin called a detective. They did a walkthrough and gathered some evidence.”

The commissioner placed a hand on Dorian’s shoulder “go, be with them and take off east station from active service if you need.”

Dorian nodded and left.

East and west were his teams and now North and South too. He knew them all and cared for them. Yes, he did spend most of his time at HQ in his office but he also went on calls with them. He had served with many of them and every time one of his firefighters was injured he felt sick. They had enough losses in the past year. He also hated when he could not be with them. It was his job to be in charge. He trusted his captains to handle the situation but Dorian thought that burden was meant to be his. He was the chief after all, he was the one meant to make the difficult calls.

The ride to the hospital seemed to last forever. When he arrived he saw Aelin’s pickup and knew she must have come from the airbase. She had asked permission to accompany Rowan back to the airbase.

He stepped in and saw all his firefighters occupying the waiting room. In the distance Dorian spotted Aelin and joined her.

“Dorian.”

“What’s the update?” Aelin told him all they knew and saw Dorian take off and walk to Sorscha.

He came back five minutes later “Asterin suffered some injuries and she was bleeding internally and the doctors are fixing it now. Whatever fell on her crashed her pelvis, there’s also the issue of the fumes inhalation. Her mask was cracked, so they have to check her lungs for damage.”

Aelin walked away and punched the side of the vending machine and Manon joined her “It’s my fault.” She whispered kneeling on the floor “I should have given the order to evacuate sooner. It’s my fault.”

Manon sat at her side “No, cap. The radio had stopped working. We heard you to call for a report but we never managed to get back to you,” the other woman explained “I saw the fire change and I shouted to everyone to leave but we were trying to free three of those idiots. They were stoned and resisted. Damn it, they even punched Borte and Ren,” continued Manon restraining her anger “We decided to drag them out by force when the explosion happened. We all took cover in time but Asterin and Ress had gone back to grab the last idiot.” She shook her head “it’s not your fault. You were outside doing your job.”

Since Aedion had moved to South house, Manon had really stepped up in her role as second and Aelin had been amazed.

The two women remained seated in silence. Manon and Asterin were close friends and Aelin knew that Manon was blaming herself just as much she was.

It was three hours later when a doctor approached them and Dorian stepped up.

“Asterin is out of surgery. She is stable but we need to keep her in the ICU. We are treating her to avoid ARDS. She had suffered internal injuries. We almost had to remove the spleen but did manage to recover without that step. Her pelvis has suffered multiple fractures.” The doctor kept explaining and a veil of gloom descended on the team “We also don’t know how long she was without oxygen and the extent of the damage will have to be assessed once she is awake.”

The doctor left and the team was silent then Dorian took the centre “I hate to do this but you guys have to finish the shift. let’s go back to quarters for the last hour.”

Aelin stood “Chief, permission to leave Manon here with Asterin.”

Dorian smiled “Of course.”

While she walked back to her vehicle Aelin realised that firefighters were too used to spend time in hospital. She sat in her car in silence while tears streaked down her cheek. She leaned against the steering wheel and cried. Asterin had to pull through. They could not attend another funeral. She could not accept the idea of losing another friend due to the stupidity of humanity. Aelin was so tired deep in her soul.

Eventually she brushed her face with the back of her hand and drove back.

Once back she went to the common room and found Dorian talking to her team. He was so much better at speeches. She sat on the sofa and Luca brought her a cup of coffee. After the speech she stood and walked along the corridor and looked at the photos of east team. There were a few portraying the team through time and she stared at the last one they took at the solstice. Rowan had taken that photo. They were all in front of engine and truck and Brullo held a half burned bagel. Her mind went to the hall of fame at the academy and hoped no to see any of their badges there. With a deep sigh she walked to her office and saw Dorian follow her.

“Come in chief.”

“The team debriefed me on what happened.”

A shallow nod in acknowledgment “I tried to warn them but something made interference with the radio.”

“Aelin, it’s not your fault.”

She leaned back on the chair and closed her eyes.

“I should have been there.” Dorian voice was voice full of grief.

“I am so tired of this.” Aelin then added very quietly “when we became firefighter we knew the risks of the job. Knew that each fire or anything else we do has its risks…” her hand brushed through her hair “to risk our lives because some fucking people do not give a damn and think that it’s okay to cook drugs in their kitchen… I can’t.” The anger resurfaced “We lost Sam and Thomas to a murderous bastard and now Asterin…” she stood and paced “three paramedics in hospital, Chaol might never walk… an ambulance got rammed out of the road to steal drugs and Elide and Lys got attacked as well. This has to stop.” She shouted, her hands shaking visibly.

Dorian walked to her and placed his hands on her shoulder “Let the police deal with this and Narcotics is on it too. We just need to let them work.”

Aelin scoffed and sat down.

“And this time you are staying out. I let you play cop with Hamel because it was personal. But this time you, all of you, you stay out of this. This time is bigger.”

Aelin nodded.

Dorian left and she sat in silence then took out her phone and saw the text from Rowan Glad you landed safely. She had no will to add more. She felt empty.

*

It was Monday night and Aelin was getting ready to get out. In the afternoon she had played tourist with the cousins and acted as a tour guide showing them some of the best sights and her favourite spots. The three had great fun and Aelin realised that she really loved Rowan’s cousins.

In the afternoon Lys had texted her saying that all the girls had decided to go out and have a nice evening out. They all needed it. So, although they were going to a club she had agreed to it and Sellene had decided to join as well.

Now in her bedroom Aelin was applying the finishing touches. She had chosen a green dress and even bothered to wear a thing layer of makeup. Guilt crept up at getting all fancied up without Rowan even if she had no intention of attracting any men. It was mostly for her.

The buzzer in her house went off and knew the rest of the party was outside to pick her up.

They were all in Lysandra’s car and Aelin had accepted to go to a club. She needed a break and even left her phone at home. Rowan had tried a few times to call her but she had not answered. It had been stupid, but her emotions were such a mess at the moment that she had to sort out her feelings before talking to him. He was away and her boyfriend would end fussing as usual. Aelin felt like crumbling and because she could not do it in his arms, she had pushed all aside for one night.

The club had been suggested by Ansel and they knew the woman had good taste. They were all nicely dressed and some of them even hoped to get lucky. The following day they were off so they could just indulge for one night.

“Ansel this place is exclusive, how did you manage to get us access?” Asked Manon impressed.

“I know the owner. He is a good friend of mine. I told him that me and my firefighter girlfriends had a bad day and needed to have a nice night and he put us on the list.”

“You are handy to have, woman,” joked Borte who had finally shed all vestiges of shyness. She was officially one of them.

“Who wants shots?” Shouted Aelin walking to the bar ready to party. Beer usually was the only type of alcohol she would consume and wine on special occasions. That night she did not care in the least and started with the heavy stuff straight on.

All the girls followed and they started drinking.

Manon and Ansel went dancing and Aelin moved beside Sellene and passed her a vodka shot “to a fun night,” Aelin raised the small glass and chugged the shot and grabbed another one soon after.

Sellene decided she was going to keep an eye on Aelin all night. The last thing she wanted was for her to do something stupid and regret it forever. Aelin had been strange all day and she was worried.

Lysandra and Elide joined them and Sellene was happy to notice the two women were sober and only nursing a beer.

“Hey.”

“Everyone is gone dancing and drinking heavily already. We are the boring ones.”

Sellene laughed “Then join me. I never drink much, but we need to keep an eye on Aelin.” With the corner of her eye she noticed the blonde woman getting more alcohol from the bartender.

“She had a bad day yesterday. We all had…” said Lys darkly.

“She is the captain and blames herself. Two of us are in the hospital, one in bad condition.”

Sellene gasped “And Rowan left yesterday…”

A tall guy moved closer to Aelin but Lysandra grabbed her friend’s arm “You stay away from her. She has a boyfriend so go and hit on another woman.” Shouted Lys fiercely. The man walked away annoyed.

“Where are the others?”

“Don’t worry,” replied Elide “Manon is there. She has a very high tolerance for booze and she is scary. She will keep the others safe.”

“Good,” breathed Sellene “I hate clubs. I am nervous about starting work tomorrow and I needed a night to let go and release some stress.”

“It’s okay. We promised Rowan to look after you.”

“He is a fussy man.”

Aelin giggled “He drives me nuts. He is always fussing.” She shouted over the music and her friends started to hear her words slur already “and he left,” then she drank a strange blue coloured drink “and I miss him.” Lysandra grabbed Aelin when she jumped off the stool and almost injured herself. She had worn heels but Aelin was not great on those and the last thing they needed was for their captain on the sidelines with a broken ankle. So she kneeled and removed the shoes “Why did you wear heels this high? You know you are terrible at walking on these.”

“I wanted to look sexy.”

“Rowan thinks you are sexy.”

Aelin groaned “He is in Rifthold probably with his new girlfriend. He doesn’t need me.” Aelin hugged Sellene and started sobbing “he will leave me for another woman, because I am a mess.”

She turned abruptly and finished the strange drink in one go “Another one,” Aelin waved at the bartender.

But Elide grabbed her hand “That’s it. You had enough. You never drink more than one beer. You are over your limit.”

Aelin who was far stronger than Elide shoved her friend aside and started walking to the tall stranger “Dance with me.” Her words now had a pronounced slur, but as she threw her arms around the man’s neck he took advantage and his hands moved on her arse while Aelin flushed her body against him in provocation. Sellene was there a moment later and pulled the man away “Hands off.”

“She came to me.”

“She is drunk, “ shouted Sellene in anger “she has no idea of what she is doing.”

“Looks to me she knows exactly what she wants. Maybe her boyfriends doesn’t satisfy her as much as you think.” Sellene was about to punch him but Manon grabbed the man by the collar “Walk away. Walk away before I beat you senseless.”

The woman tucked Aelin at her side “Come, Sellene.”

“Thanks.”

“Come on, cap let’s drink some water.”

Aelin tried to protest but Manon sat Aelin down at a table with the rest of the team. Ansel was in cheery mode but they knew she was not drunk yet. Aelin was the only one who had indulged and they all knew why.

“Come on, drink this.” Manon pushed a glass of water to Aelin’s mouth.

She drank a small sip then slumped against Manon “I suck as a captain and as a girlfriend.” She said quietly while tears streaked down her face. Lysandra hugged her, feeling deep pain for Aelin. No one seemed to have a real idea of how much she suffered for Rowan being away. Aelin always had a mask on with them, but that night she had finally cracked “Rowan loves you and your are a super captain.”

“I miss him and it hurts.”

“Shhh.” Lys brushed her head in an attempt to sooth her.

“I’d better take her home.” Offered Sellene.

The other tried to protest “Never argue with a lawyer,” a smile on her face “You stay and let stress go. I’ll look after her. Just stay safe and ignore thepigs infesting this type of establishment.”

The taxi ride home had taken a while as they had to stop a few times to allow Aelin to be sick out of the car. Once home, Sellene gave the driver a generous tip as a thank you.

Slowly she guided Aelin back in the house. The shoes abandoned on the floor of the club. Sellene grabbed the bag from Aelin and took out the keys “We are home.”

Aelin almost stumbled but Sellene grabbed her in time. She had only seen the living room of Aelin and Rowan’s house so she pushed Aelin on the sofa and went to have a look around. Slowly she and Aelin made it to the bathroom and Aelin collapsed on the cold floor.

“Hug the toilet while I get you some clothes and something to clean you a bit.”

She ran to the bedroom and in that instant she saw Aelin’s phone lit up and saw it was Rowan.

Fuck.

*

Rowan was going crazy. Aelin had barely answered his text and then ignored his calls all day. He was probably acting like a paranoid boyfriend but all that radio silence from her made him worry. She was off shift and finished the in the morning but she had not been answering. He didn’t even manage to listen to his lessons. His mind focused on Aelin.

It was late night and he could not sleep, so he had left his quarters and took a walk in the quadrangle of the academy grounds. It was a balmy night and it was super nice. He sat on a bench and tried again. Maybe she had fallen asleep?

But even so, not having an answer.

He tried again, and when he was about to hang up she finally picked “Aelin, where have you been?”

“Rowan…” he froze. That was not Aelin’s voice. That was his cousin.

“Sellene?” Panic rose in him “What happened?”

“Let me put the speaker phone on.”

He heard rustling and someone sobbing in the distance. Was that Aelin?

“Sellene, where is Aelin?” His anger rising a notch.

“With me, in the bathroom.” Sellene in the end told him everything. The bad call they had. Ress and Asterin being in the hospital. The girls going to a club and Aelin getting drunk.

He wanted to scream. Aelin never got drunk. She got tipsy on new year’s eve but never drunk. In her job she had to deal with so many accidents caused by drunken people that she was always very responsible, but it sounded like she had cracked. And he was not there. He hated himself. Once again his job kept him away “How is she?’

“Hugging the toilet seat. She has been sick twice on the way home.”

Rowan switched in full fuss mode “If she is able to eat something there is a bit of carrot and coriander soup in the fridge. I made it before leaving, it just needs reheating. She loves it.” He explained his cousin “Give her one of my t-shirts to wear in bed. She uses them and my scent relaxes her and make sure she has bird Rowan with her.”

“Bird Rowan?”

“Yes, the stuffed toy of a hawk she keeps on the bed,” he paused, trying to picture Aelin “Put the phone near to her.”

Sellene brushed the hair from her face and moved the phone closer to her.

“Aelin.”

“Rowan…”

“Hi, Fireheart.”

Aelin started crying “I have been stupid.”

“Shhhh… Sellene told me.” He wanted to be there and hug her.

He heard Aelin sob loudly and he started pacing. He was not there and this was driving him insane “Want to hear what I studied today?” A weak yes came from Aelin and he started telling her all he did. It had been a boring Monday but he had to distract her.

“Did you and Mark fall asleep?”

“We almost did.” He chuckled.

Silence fell for a moment “I miss you.”

“I know…” he breathed softly. He missed her so much it hurt “I really miss you too. But I need you to get better so that we can plan the hikes for next weekend.”

“I am tired.”

“Let Sellene take you to bed, my love.”

He heard a noise and a moment later Sellene was on the line once more “I will look after her. Lys and Elide are coming tomorrow while I am work.”

“Okay.”

“Call her tomorrow.”

He sighed, of course “Later in the morning. I will let her sleep.”

“Okay let me take her to bed.”

“I left her my t-shirt under my side of the bed.”

“Night, Rowan.”

He greeted her and sat back on the bench.

His finger unlocked the phone and he stared at his background picture. It was Aelin at the firehouse she had her bunker gear on was talking to someone, and laughing. In the photo she had the most stunning smile ever. He smiled at her and with the pad of his finger he brushed her face “Be safe, please.”

*

Once Sellene was positive Aelin’s stomach had settled she accompanied the woman back in the bedroom. She had washed her face and removed the dirty clothes and now Aelin was sitting on the bed still sniffling.

“Do you still feel sick?”

“No.”

Sellene grabbed the t-shirt Rowan had told her and helped Aelin to wear it, then she went to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle and filled it with water.

Back in the bedroom she placed the water bottle on the nightstand and helped Aelin to go under the blankets.

“Bird Rowan.”

Sellene grabbed the stuffed toy and passed it to Aelin and the woman hugged it fiercely. She then tucked the blanket and sat at her side and caressed her head “There’s water on the nightstand and I will be in the spare room if you need me.”

“Thank you.” And closed her eyes.

“Welcome to the family, Aelin.”

*

When she woke up the following morning Aelin was positive someone had used her head as a punching ball. She opened her eyes and the light filtering from the curtain was too much.

Then she heard a sound “Rowan?”

Shakily she got off the bed and walked to the living room with her hand covering her eyes. Gods she felt like death. In the living room she saw Lysandra and Aedion watching tv quietly.

“Aelin,” Lys stood and went to hug her friend “How do you feel?”

“Like crap,” she responded quietly, joining them on the sofa “why are you here? And where’s Rowan?”

“Rowan is in Rifthold.” Explained Lys.

Ah yes, she did remember that. She had taken him to airbase the day before. Or was it two days ago?

“Coffee?” Aedion walked to her with a mug in his hands.

“Yes, please.” She took the mug “I feel like death. Why do I feel like death?”

Lys looked at her “You don’t remember?”

Aelin flinched “How much did I drink?”

“A lot,” explained Lysandra with worry “After what happened the other day, we went out drinking last night. And you just indulged a bit too much.”

Aelin slid a hand on her face “Please tell me I haven’t done anything stupid.” Fear gripped her all of a sudden. She could not fuck up things with Rowan because she got drunk. She would never forgive herself.

“You went dancing with a guy who hit on you, but as soon as he put his hands on your arse Sellene and Manon took you away. Manon almost punched him.”

Aelin hid her face with a pillow “There was no way we were going to let you do something stupid and risk things with Rowan.”

“I got drunk, Lys,” she shouted throwing the pillow aside.

“You needed to just disconnect for a night.”

Aelin stood and groaned “getting drunk is not the way.” she started paced mad at herself “How did I get home?”

“Sellene. I stayed behind since I was the one with the car.” Added Lys while grabbing her friend’s hand and pulling her back on the sofa.

“She looked after you and left this morning to work and Ae and I are here now. Elide is joining us later.”

“So I just basically ruined your day off.”

“You didn’t.” Aedion’s voice reached her as he came back into the room with breakfast “I made pancakes. You should be able to eat them,” he plated them for his two women “That boy of yours left you a nice stocked kitchen. I never seen your cupboards so full.”

“He likes to cook.” She was silent for a moment “Any updates from the hospital?”

“A few,” said Aedion and took a pancake for himself “Chaol’s last tests show that he’ll walk again. Recovery will be long but his response was good.”

Aelin sighed relieved.

“Ress will need to be out for at least a month but they are thinking about discharging him in a few days.”

Another sigh of relief.

“Asterin is still in ICU. She is still heavily sedated. The doctors conducted some neurological test and they were happy to clear her.” He explained and saw Aelin relax “She is still intubated. They want to have machines do the job for her a bit longer to allow her lungs to heal and avoid ARDS.”

“But she is better.”

“The prognosis is not as bad as the other day, but for her the road to recovery is long.”

Aelin sniffled and Lys pulled her friend to her chest “It’s my fault.”

Aedion patted her head “Manon told me that you have been blaming yourself but she explained to me what happened. You were not the one cooking shit in the kitchen.”

Aedion shook his head at her look “The police spoke to the five guys but haven’t given us any updates.” A deep growl left him “detective Ytger has a preliminary report and said that the device had both traces of cannabis and meth.”

“They what?” She shouted and stood “Given the smell they were preparing cannabis for an army and meth as well?” Aelin paced the room in a rage “They were probably so stoned that they decided to do something stupid they saw on YouTube. And my team risked their lives for these arseholes.”

Lys dragged her back to the sofa once more and gave her back her mug “Dorian has found two replacements from the floater pool,”added Aedion.

Aelin sighed “Who?”

“Sorrel and Rolfe.”

“Sorrel is good. She has been a floater since forever. She deserves a permanent spot.” Commented Aelin relaxing a bit “Rolfe has a reputation but apparently he is a good smoke eater.”

“They will start next shift.” Continued Lys.

Aelin took a bite of a pancake “Guys, you do not have to be here. I am fine.”

Aedion snorted “we promised Sellene and indirectly to that man of yours.”

“Fussy bastard.” She whispered.

“Aelin…” Aedion’s tone was clear.

“I know… I know… he loves me and all that.”

“You never got drunk since you started the academy,” continued Lys “so you can see why we are worried.”

In that instant her phone went off “It’s Rowan.”

“Go,” said Lys softly “according to Sellene he was really worried last night.”

Aelin nodded and grabbed the call and disappeared in her room “hello.”

“How do you feel?”

She sat on the bed and grabbed bird Rowan in her arms “Aedion fed me coffee and pancakes. A bit better I guess.”

Rowan chuckled “I leave you alone one day and look at you.”

Aelin started sobbing hard “I am sorry, I was stupid…”

“Shh.. no, you had a bad day and needed to let it out. Hey, I went out drinking after I lost fuzzy, I am not proud of it but I was looking for a way to forget for a few hours.”

Aelin’s sobbing did not abate “I danced with a guy… he had his hands on my arse.”

Rowan groaned internally. Sellene had told him for full disclosure and specified that she had an eye on her. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not…” she continued through sobs “I feel like I have cheated on you.”

Rowan was at loss on how to console. She sounded heartbroken and he wanted to reassure that he was fine “Fireheart, listen to me. Sellene told me what happened. You just went to dance with him. He was the pig who took advantage and I must thank Manon as well next time I see her.” He told her softly “I am not mad at you. I am just worried. I love you.”

Aelin lay down on the bed with the bird and put the phone on loud speakers “I am finding having you away this way so much harder.”

He was silent for a moment “I know, I am struggling too. One of my classmates said that deployment was easier because you just go away and make peace with it. This is much harder and I agree.”

Aelin sobs continued “I…” she had to tell him, no secrets. They had promised “I thought about breaking it off. Before we left for Rifthold,” she confessed quietly “But I couldn’t because not having you in my life… I can’t Rowan.”

His heart broke. Why was he hurting her this much? Why was he doing that do her? Gods Helen had been right. He had no right to be with her, to cause her so much pain “Aelin…” the words he was about to utter destroyed him “We can break it off or take a break if it’s too much.”

Aelin paused “No… please. I do not want to. I can’t.” Another moment of silence “I think I am taking it harder because all that is happening. You are my rock…” she sighed heavily “I am such a mess and a weakling, how can you stand being with me I have no idea.”

“Aelin, please.” Not being able to hug her sucked “I know just how strong you are, how brave and I love you so much.”

Aelin went back sobbing and she felt disgusted with her self. The last call had caused so many fears to reappear that she felt overwhelmed and the hangover was not helping “I guess I get weepy when I am hangover and I wallow in self pity.”

A chuckle finally left Rowan. He had feared for a moment that she was taking up on his offer to break up. He had no idea how he’d cope with it if she had accepted.

“Whitethorn,” her tone had changed all of a sudden “Don’t suggest to me ever again to break up.”

He laughed, he finally was lighthearted enough to laugh at her words “You were the one who considered it.”

“For five minutes, Ro. Then I realised my stupidity and regained my sanity.”

“Good, any idea how long it took me to get you?”

Aelin scoffed loudly “you are the one who fled at the hospital.”

She hard him chuckle once more “I was just afraid.”

“And look how far we have come.”

“I am sorry,” she added timidly.

“Hey, we talked about it. See? We are learning. Especially now that I am away, I need you to talk to me. Always.”

“That goes both ways, captain.”

“I know.”

They kept talking for a while longer addressing their feelings and the toll that distance was having on them both.

Eventually they said goodbye and Aelin went back to the living room and spent her day off with her support group: Aedion, Lys and Elide.

When evening came she cooked one of the meals Rowan had left her and at the same time worked on some classes for the academy. After the bad morning she had she now felt much better. Opening her soul to Rowan had helped, explaining him her fears and also admitting that she had been weak enough to even consider breaking up, that had somehow cleared the confusion from her mind.

A new sense of resolution overcame her and decided she was done wallowing. They had survived deployment. This was a stroll in the park in comparison with the added bonus that he was not in danger. Aelin had just to keep herself busy for a few months until he was back with her for good.

She was Aelin Galathynius, and she was not afraid.

TAGS:

@rowaelinismyotp @swankii-art-teacher @courtofjurdan @whimsicallyreading @bruiseonthefaceofhumanity @acreativelydifferentlove @mis-lil-red @thegreyj @sailorsassley @leiawritesstories @clairec79 @morganofthewildfire @sv0430 @heartless--aromantic @autumnbabylon @rowanaelinn @backtobl4ck @susumaus98 @gracie-rosee @mybloodrunsblue @tanvee1231 @avenrebekah @whoever-you-choose-to-love @theywillnotsingforme@universallytreepost

#rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #throne of glass series #rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelin fanfic #angst #fluff #aelin galathynius #aelin x rowan #aelinandrowan #throne of glass fanfiction #throne of glass fic

[escapingtheconstrictingboxes]

Fighting It Together

Note: This is a fic that was written for Secret Santa, orchestrated by @the-sky-court.

@paperbacktrash I am your Secret Santa. Surprise! So, this is a Chaorian fic that I hope you’ll love. 

More notes:  I went a little overboard on the polyamorous relationships in this fic. Keep that in mind. And the word count is 6.5k.  Also, I have more to write, so an epilogue will be written and published soon! 

Dorian felt himself being slammed back against the wall and the next thing he saw was a fist an inch away from his face.

" Fine, fine. You win this one," Dorian panted. Today's training session seemed to be full of sparring. A thing that he once used to be confident in until Chaol pointed out his weaknesses. And now, here they were, trying to improve his skills. Chaol's fighting techniques seemed like a secretive way to torture him.

The brown eyed man grinned and Dorian remembered why he was doing this. For that goddamn smile. " You're getting better," Chaol commented with a slight smile as he backed off.

" But?" Dorian asked in a knowing tone.

" But," Chaol said, his grin growing, " you have much room for improvement. You're not even going to last in a fight, you know."

" Which is why you're not allowed to leave me," Dorian replied with a teasing smile and a wink. He missed the blush of the older man as he walked over to where their towels were held. " Here," he said automatically, throwing the extra towel towards Chaol. Dorian made sure not to look at the other's bare sculpted chest and focused on himself.

Dorian looked up when his secretary, Sorscha, entered the room with a tablet in hand. She grinned slightly as she saw him and he let out a small breath of relief. A smile was good. It meant she was getting better with him. After the breakup, Sorscha had been angry at him and he definitely deserved it. She had been willing to build back the friendship they had lost and was now dating one of his friends. Well, several of them. He'd only encouraged her and slowly but surely, they were getting back to where they had been before the relationship.

" Everybody is here for dinner," she said casually. Thank the gods. The first few weeks after the end had been rough with the ice in her tone. At least it had thawed. " They're just complaining about you two taking too long."

Dorian grinned at her and he knew Chaol was doing the same. The older man had been the buffer between the two for the first few weeks and Dorian was in never ending debt towards him. " Are you joining us?" He asked as he got one of the t-shirts that had been set out for them to slip over his head.

Sorscha shook her head. " Too many things to do. Being your secretary is hard work." He opened his mouth to apologise but closed it again when he realised she was making a joke. " Don't worry. It's date night for Borte and I. We'd planned it a month ago. It's date night tomorrow with the others anyway so they won't miss me too much."

Dorian passed the other t-shirt to Chaol almost absent-mindedly and nodded. " Okay. But come on the next one? Ansel couldn't stop stealing Illias even though Sam was supposed to have him in his lap. Sam's words, not mine."

Sorscha grinned and gave a small laugh, easing the tension in Dorian's chest. She really did seem to be getting comfortable around him again. " Don't worry, we made up in the bedroom after that night." Dorian's face flamed and he shook his head.

" You've been around Aelin and Manon too much," Chaol said casually, slipping the t-shirt over his head.

" It's more of Borte and Ansel's influences, really. Can't help it." The two rolled their eyes and grinned. They all shared a smile before leaving Sorscha, who warned them about drinking too much.

Dorian and Chaol shared another look and gave each other matching grins. " When is the night with the Khagans and the others?"

" I think Nes wanted it next week. We're probably just going to end up at some bar," Chaol said as they exited the room together.

" You know Sartaq and Hasar are going to pull her into it." They both grinned at the image. It had happened before. The two were great drunks, Dorian mused.

" Well, you're not wrong." He replied with a grin. " No doubt Manon is going to be there too. You know how that ends."

" With Hasar and her in the alley and their tongues down each other's throats?" Chaol asked rhetorically. Ever since Manon and Yrene had gotten together with Renia and Hasar, the quad had been practically inseparable.

The two chuckled as they entered the main entertainment room to greet their friends. Aelin and Aedion were already bickering on one couch. Lysandra was on the other side of Aedion and was talking to Elide and Sam who were on different seats. Elide had taken up her usual small yet grand chair and Sam was on the couch opposite the cousins with his partners, Ansel and Illias. The two had their fingers threaded together while talking in a more quieter voice.

All their heads turned towards them as they entered. Dorian felt himself grinning back, feeling the tension of the past week easing off.

" Finally," Aelin groaned and gave them an exasperated look.

" Blame him," Dorian said, jutting his thumb at the other. " Too much of a pain."

He knew Chaol was rolling his eyes at him as he said, " It's not my fault you can't seem to listen to what I tell you."

Before they could start arguing, Aedion reminded them of the dinner that was likely waiting for them in the dining room.

Dorian grabbed one tray of glasses full of wine from the open bar in one hand and took two more bottles in his hand as he made his way to Aelin, Lysandra and Elide on the floor with their backs against the couches they had previously sat in. Dinner had gone smoothly with their familial arguing and teasing and now they had separated into two different groups as they often tended to.

He handed the tray to Lysandra as he placed the two bottles down, joining them on the floor. " How come I always end up with you three. No men to talk to at all," he said in mock disgust and a smile on his face.

" Feel free to join the others and continue to drool over your bodyguard," Aelin said smoothly as she grabbed a glass off the tray.

" I do not drool over Chaol," he huffed back. A chorus of 'yes you do' came back to him and he snatched his own glass to ignore the way his face flamed up in response. " Speaking of bodyguards, how is the new one? He must be the fifth one now."

" His name is Rowan," Aelin said, her nose scrunching up in disgust. " Things have been so strained with my family and Maeve's that the bitch offered to give me one of her bodyguards after the last one quit. As some sort of peace offering. My parents bought it. They're too busy to look for another bodyguard anyway."

" So, how is he?" Elide asked, sipping at her own drink with her eyes slowly observing her friends as she always did.

" He's tough," Aelin said with a shrug.

" I did not endure two weeks of your complaining on our group chat just to hear two words," Dorian said with raised eyebrows.

Aelin rolled her eyes and then said, " He's a real pain in the ass for sure.

" You should hear some of the things they say to each other," Lysandra commented.

Aelin ignored the statement. " His training is worse that whatever torture Chaol's regime had put me through. Rowan's training is like hell. My whole body was sore after the first day."

" And I'm suddenly glad that Chaol is my trainer," Dorian commented, making Aelin pull a face at him before she gave him a smirk.

" You were drooling at him when he was your bodyguard. We all know you only agreed to the training to see him shirtless."

Dorian blushed and ducked his head, bringing his drink to his lips as he muttered, " It was because of his smile."

" What?" Lysandra asked with a matching smirk. Elide grinned slightly, her eyes focused on him as she drank the rest of her drink. " Say that again, would you?"

" When he'd asked if he could train me, he'd had those stupid hopeful eyes and then he gave me this you-can't-say-no grin at me," Dorian said, downing his drink and reached for the bottle.

" I don't know if you're more of a sap when you're sober or drunk," Lysandra responded. Dorian rolled his eyes and flipped her off.

" Like you aren't drooling over Aedion either," Elide responded, making Dorian grin at her in victory.

Aelin only rose an eyebrow, finishing her drink and gave Elide a lazy smile as she said, " And you don't when you look at Lorcan?" Elide's face flushed with red quickly and she ducked her head.

" Who's this Lorcan?" Dorian asked, wearing the same grin as Aelin.

" Some guy," Elide responded in a quieter flippant voice.

" Some guy," Lysandra scoffed. " You should've seen her. She was doing the swooning thing and everything."

" Swooning?" Dorian asked with raised eyebrows. " Now you have to tell me who this Lorcan is."

" Rowan has these ridiculously gorgeous friends and one of them is Lorcan. El, Lys and I ran into Rowan and his friends on one of his days off. It's so easy to wind him up," Aelin said with an easy grin. Dorian was already calculating how long it would take for her and Rowan to get together.

Lysandra wore a sly grin as she finished her drink and refilled it. " You should've seen them, Dorian. All of them are fucking gorgeous."

" I bet they are. Next time, take pictures," he said casually.

" You know they're not just pieces of meat? They're people too," Elide said, pouting slightly.

" We know, El. I'm sorry," Aelin replied, not sounding exactly apologetic. " But hey, if men are going treat my bodies like pieces of candy, I'm going to do the same."

" That's a terrible philosophy," Elide replied, a small grin on her face as she sipped her drink.

" I know, I know. I'll re-evaluate my morals on a later date, thanks." Aelin waved her hand in a lazy dismissive manner making the rest roll their eyes. " So, how are you and Chaol? Please tell me you two have done something."

" Like what?" Dorian scoffed.

" A kiss. All I need you two to do is kiss. Is that so much to ask for?" Lysandra asked. Dorian was glad of the large distance between them and the other group. If Chaol could hear...well, he wasn't sure what would happen.

" I'm not going to kiss him. Hell, I don't even know if he's anything other than straight." The other girls all scoffed. " What?"

" He's checked you out so many times, it's almost indecent," Aelin said, with the other girls nodding along.

Dorian could feel his face heating up as he ran a hand through his hair. " You're wrong," he said weakly.

" Just fucking kiss him already," Lysandra said and there were murmurs of agreement from the rest of the group. Dorian ignored them all and only reached for the bottle again, intending to drink straight from it.

Chaol opened up another bottle for the group, refilling his own glass and passed it on to Ansel who'd been whining for more alcohol five minutes ago. Illias had only rolled his eyes and had pulled her closer while Sam just curled up against the other side of him. Most of the conversation had been lead by Chaol and Aedion, Sam and Ansel getting too drunk to make much sense. And Illias more than often stayed quiet and preferred to listen. They were all resting on two small couches on the other end of the room from where the others were.

" I don't think that bottle is a good idea, " Aedion said with an amused smile as he watched Ansel grab at it greedily.

Chaol chuckled. " I don't think so either but we know how she gets when she's angry and drunk at the same time." They both laughed at the old memory of Ansel ripping Dorian's head off because he tried to stop her from drinking too much.

" At least she apologised in the morning," he replied, causing them to chuckle.

" I'm glad I'm not Sam, Illias or Sorscha then. I can't imagine what it's like to deal with her hangovers." Illias huffed, a small smile on his face as he turned to the two men before his attention was diverted by the incoherent mumbling of Sam.

" How are Dorian and her doing? Getting better?" Aedion asked, the blue and gold eyes fixing their gaze upon him.

" I think it's getting better. She's much more comfortable around him. I think getting together with those guys, " he said, gesturing to the three, "and Borte helped her." Illias was smiling as he murmured something to his partners.

" So he's forgiven then?" Aedion asked with an amused smile.

" Don't know about that. I'm not sure what he's being forgiven for. He never told me why they broke up," Chaol said, frowning, downing the rest of his drink.

" Trouble in the apparently not romantic paradise?" Aedion asked with a smirk, somehow catching the attention of the other three.

Chaol rolled his eyes and shook his head. " Shut up." Before Aedion would speak again, he asked, " How are you and Lysandra doing?"

Aedion immediately grinned wide and scratched the back of his neck, " It's been going really well. Even after everything that's happened to us, we've worked out really well." Chaol could see that spark in the other man's eyes. It was the same spark he saw in the mirror when he thought of Dorian.

" She the one?" he then asked, already knowing the answer.

Aedion nodded and finished his drink too, " I think so, yeah."

Loud joyous cries came from Ansel and Sam with Illias grinning. Chaol wore a large smile for Aedion and before he could speak, Ansel murmured in a sad voice, " Lin is going to be planning the wedding. So much work to do. So much yelling to listen to." Illias chuckled while Aedion and Chaol laughed.

" Well, you're not wrong," he said, grinning and then turned his gaze to Chaol. " So, ignoring your terrible attempt to change the topic, how are you and Dorian?"

Chaol shrugged. " Going nowhere, if that's what you're asking."

" You two obviously like each other. Just tell him and you'll be fine," Aedion replied, snatching Ansel's bottle to refill their glasses.

" I just don't think I'm a good fit for him," Chaol responded with a shrug, taking a sip of his drink.

" That is such bullshit," Sam mumbled drunkenly with a scowl on his face.

" You two just need to talk," Illias hummed in agreement. Chaol rose an eyebrow at the man, who just shrugged in response. " I'm agreeing with Sam on this one. Just confess. What's the worst that could happen?"

" Tell him you love him and then fuck him," Ansel said with a wicked grin. " Or he could fuck you. I don't really care." Chaol choked on his drink while Aedion and Illias burst out laughing.

" So what will it be?" Aedion asked, " Him on top or you?"

Chaol rubbed at his face as he said, " I'm not discussing any part of my sex life with any of you."

" But you're not denying the part where you love him?" Illias asked, an all too knowing smile in his expression. Chaol could feel his face heating up and said nothing, choosing to down his drink rather than answering. Everybody wore varying expressions of surprise before letting out cries of joy.

" I'm happy for you," Aedion said, clapping his back once. The others gave their own congratulations and Chaol only nodded, feeling his stomach twist.

" So why not tell him?" Illias asked with a tilt of his head.

Chaol sighed and kept his eyes on the glass as he said, " He's the heir to the Havilliard business. He's expected to marry someone who is equal to his power. Who would be able to handle his business with him. Not to mention he needs someone who can give him heirs."

" You know what Dorian is like. He's not going to marry someone for the sake of power," Aedion responded.

" I don't know. You know that the Havilliards and the Ytgers are thinking about uniting their businesses through Nehemia and Dorian," Chaol responded. The proposal had been introduced to the media a month ago but the two heirs had been meeting each other for almost two months.

" How is that going? Didn't Dorian go to meet her a few days ago?" Aedion asked. Ansel and Sam were too drunk to pay much attention and were now leaning against Illias, who was looking over in curiosity.

Chaol shrugged again. " I don't know. He doesn't talk much about it. From what he's told me, they're  good friends."

" Good friends doesn't have to mean anything more," Aedion argued back.

" No, I guess not. But it's good enough for a wedding, isn't it? His father is really pushing Dorian on this one. Both families really want them to get married."

" He wouldn't crack under the pressure," Aedion asked, tilting his head, " would he?"

" We both know he loves the business. What if his father pulls out the ultimatum?" Chaol asked, finally voicing his fears. " What if his father asks Dorian to choose between the business and his own freedom to choose?" The rest of the group fell silent. Even Sam and Ansel, understanding that this was a sombre moment.

" I don't think he would choose the business." Illias finally stated, his eyes unfocused as he thought. " I do believe that Dorian would value you more."

" You don't know that," Chaol quietly stated, taking another sip of whatever his drink was.

" No, I may not," Illias said, that ancient gaze in his eyes that made them all wonder who the man had been in a previous life, " but I do have a little thing called hope. Don't lose it, Chaol. Disastrous events have happened when the strongest become the weakest. "

After showing the rest of the group to their respective guest bedrooms, Dorian and Chaol were walking back to Dorian's room. Chaol preferred to walk Dorian back to his room and he wasn't going to complain if it meant he got to spend more time with his bodyguard.

" I give it two months before Aelin and Rowan end up together," Dorian said, keeping his gaze ahead.

" I give it three," Chaol returned and he knew that the both of them were grinning.

" Want to bet on it?" He asked, his grin turning into a smirk.

" You're a little too drunk to be making bets," came the reply.

" So are you," Dorian argued. " And besides, I'm more sober now."

A silence and he almost took back his words when Chaol said, " Alright, fine. Let's make a bet. What do you want if you win?"

Dorian was going to blame his words on the alcohol in the morning. " You have to come to the Galathynius New Year's Eve Gala with me."

" I have to come anyway," Chaol said in a confused voice.

" No, I meant as my date," Dorian clarified. Gods, had he really just said that? " It's not fun to walk around with you behind me and just glaring at everyone else. I'd rather have you do that beside me." Someone should sew his mouth shut.

" I'll agree to that," Chaol finally said after a short silence, making it hard for the other to hide their surprise.

" And what's your price?" Dorian asked, his face flaming.

" I don't know." he admitted. " Can I decide when I win?"

They slowed down as they approached his chambers. He stepped forward, opening his door and went inside, turning around to look at Chaol. " Confident are we, Mr. Westfall?" Dorian asked, his confidence returning slowly.

" If by 'we', you mean me, then yes," the taller man returned with a small grin, standing in the doorway with the space between them almost non existent.

" Care to apply that confidence somewhere else?" Dorian murmured, his head tilting upwards to show him what exactly he meant. Chaol dipped his head downwards and their eyes both closed slowly. His hands went to rest on the golden-brown eyed man's chest, feeling his own heart thundering away.

Just before their lips could touch, Chaol murmured suddenly, " No." Dorian froze and his eyes snapped open, retracting his hands as if they'd been burned.

" What?" he asked, his chest twisting in a painful manner.

" I don't think this is right," Chaol said, shaking his head again, taking a step backwards.

" I'm sorry," Dorian breathed, unsure of what else to say.

" Don't be," the other said, starting to slowly walk backwards. " I'm the one who should be saying sorry."

Dorian watched with a gaping hole in his chest as the love of his life turned and walked away.

He shut the door softly and began stripping off down to his boxers, throwing them onto the floor. Gods, he was such an idiot. He shouldn't have even said anything. Opening his bedroom door, he flung himself onto the bed face first, not caring anymore.

He rolled over after a long while, finding the bed too suffocating. Dorian got out of his bed and picked up his abandoned phone and went to the group chat that him, Lysandra, Aelin, Elide and Manon had. Somehow, they were the people who he was closest to. Besides Chaol, of course.

He'd leave them a simple text. The girls would kill him if he did it in the morning, demanding to know why he hadn't sent it earlier. Chaol and I almost kissed when we walked back. He backed out at the last second. He said it wasn't right. Dorian stared at the words for a second and hit send before he could change his mind. With that, he put the phone on his bedside table and slipped beneath the covers. He'd deal with his emotions tomorrow.

Dorian woke up with a headache pounding at his temples and he groaned once more. He twisted his head and reached out for his phone, already seeing the blinking light. With a wince, he remembered sending the message last night. He opened up the group chat and was instantly flooded with many texts.

El: Wait, what?

Witchling (M): When did this happen? Yrene and I should have skipped date night.

Lys: The fuck? What the hell does Chaol think he's doing???

Lin: I'm going to rip his head off for this. No way in hell am I going to let this pass.

Witchling (M): You don't need to add one more to the body count. I'll do it.

Lys: Fuck no. Don't you dare do anything, Manon. I want to do it.

El: I don't think killing him is going to solve anything. I mean, we could try...but it seems a little pointless.

Witchling (M): You're right. Torture would be the better method.

El: I give up. If anyone asks, I don't know any of you.

Dorian let out a small smile and scrolled through the rest of the messages. They'd spent a long while planning Chaol's supposed tortue with Elide simply ignoring them all, before the topic abruptly stopped. He guessed that was when they'd all met up. Then, he read the last couple of messages,

Lin: We're in your living room with ice cream. Come out when you're ready.

Lys: We're dragging you out at 1, though.

Witchling (M): Going out for lunch whether you like it or not.

El: We're going to your favourite restaurant too.

Dorian frowned as checked the time. It was almost noon. He slipped on a large shirt that covered his boxers and exited his room to indeed find the four outside and chatting on the couches. They'd apparently brought one more person. Aedion was in there, talking with Aelin while Lysandra was sitting comfortably on his lap. Elide and Manon were talking separately but it seemed to be on the same topic.

" One, I need a bodyguard to leave this place. Two, when did you even come back to my mansion? Three, who the fuck did you tell?" He asked the three girls. Dorian walked over to the open kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and some aspirin, waiting for their response.

" One, that's why I'm here. I've been Lin's bodyguard before so I think I can manage protecting you both," Aedion responded for him with an easy grin.

" Two, we never left. We just invited Manon over," Lysandra responded while Dorian swallowed the aspirin, walking back to them.

" Three, I told Manon," Aelin said with an easy smile. " I also told Sam. I'm guessing the whole quad knows now."

" Possibly Borte too," Aedion then commented.

" Which means Sartaq and Nesryn know too," Dorian commented drily.

" Hasar knows," Manon stated plainly. " Renia and Yrene too. And don't forget Asterin and Sorrel."

" So everyone?" Dorian asked with a raised eyebrow.

" Well, not everybody-," Aelin reasoned, probably ready to name someone.

" - Sorry," Elide and Aedion then said for the whole group.

" Don't worry about it. Everybody was going to find out anyway. I'll take the ice cream as an apology though." Dorian said dismissively, going over to the fridge to find the small tub of ice cream they had brought over for him.

" You're taking this much better than I thought," Aelin commented with worried eyes.

" I was sure that there would be tears involved," Lysandra then said.

" I prefer to cry at night, thank you very much," Dorian returned in a joking manner, avoiding all their gazes as he dug into his ice cream.

" Dorian," Elide said in a dragged out manner, her voice filled with worry and concern.

" Fine." He sighed and looked up to meet her gaze. " I feel like shit and I regret even trying to kiss him because our friendship has been ruined. Happy?" They all avoided his gaze, as if unsure what to say. He sighed again as he took another bite. " I don't even know what I was thinking. Gods, I'm an idiot," he muttered bitterly.

" You're not an idiot for admitting your feelings to him," Elide said softly, everybody else nodding along.

Dorian nodded and gave her a small smile. " Thanks, El." Turning to Manon, he then asked, " So, how was your date with Yrene yesterday?"

With that, the topic slowly shifted away from him and he found himself relaxing under the comfort of his friends.

Sam slipped into the Havilliard manor and stormed right to Chaol's room. Stopping in front of it, he knocked loudly, crossing his arms as he waited. He couldn't believe that Chaol had to fuck everything up like this.

His eyes darted up when the door opened slowly to reveal a shirtless Chaol looking much more dishevelled and ragged than usual. Sam might have been concerned for his friend if it weren't for the circumstances.

" Mind telling me what the fuck you're doing?" Sam asked, practically growling. " I get a text from Aelin telling me you and Dorian nearly got together but you turned him down?"

Chaol merely sighed and turned around, walking back inside. Sam walked in too, sitting down on the bed and looked at him expectantly as he started pacing on the floor slowly.

" We almost kissed," was the first thing Chaol said. Sam would have smiled if it weren't for the sorrow in his voice.

" And the problem with that was..." he trailed off, waiting for a response.

" He wants me, Sam!" Chaol said desperately.

" I don't think I'm following."

" He's going to ruin his life with me," Chaol then muttered, both his hands running through his hair.

" What?" Sam exclaimed.

" Dorian isn't supposed to be with me. He needs heirs. He needs someone powerful. He needs...someone that isn't me." Chaol said leaning back against his dresser as he released a sigh.

" You don't know that," Sam retaliated icily. Why couldn't Chaol see the mistakes he was making? " You're sounding more and more like his father, Chaol." He then stood up and turned to leave. " I suggest you sort your shit out before this mistake of yours becomes irreversible."

Sam shut the door behind him and ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Gods, what had Chaol gotten  himself into?

" This has gone on for long enough, Dorian!" His father yelled, glaring down at his unimpressed son. It'd been a week since the Incident, as Dorian preferred to call it. Chaol and him still hadn't talked about it and their relationship was more strained than ever. They didn't exchange more than a few words at a time and the topic stuck to simple questions about the time or the weather or some other useless thing. They'd stopped training and hanging out together and Chaol spent his time outside of the mansion, possibly with Sam or Aedion. Dorian stayed inside with his friends occasionally visiting. Now, his father had called him into his study and this was probably the longest time in this week that Chaol and Dorian were in the same room together out of duty. " Why didn't you accept the marriage proposal?" His father asked, staring back at him with his sharp eyes.

" We've been over this, dad. I will not marry someone for the purpose of furthering the company. I will marry for love and only for love," he said, placing his hands on his table, ready to argue with his dad if he had to.

" The Ytger family's daughter seemed ready to get married this month. She at least seems to understand the duties that she carries. Why can't you?" His father asked, matching Dorian's pose.

" That's because none of you seem to understand that I don't want to marry Nehemia! Or anyone else that you've picked out for me!" he yelled back. Dorian curled his hands into fists and then said in a voice that was filled with ice rather than fire, " I am more than ready to take over the company but I will not let you rip this piece of my freedom from me, Father." Even Chaol bristled from behind him as his father's face contorted into one of rage.

" Dorian!" he roared. "How dare you speak to me in that manner?" His father slammed his fist on the table as he stood up to stare him down.

" I will speak to you in any manner I like. You have no right to get that respect from me," Dorain spat as he stood up, " How dare you dictate how my life should be? Do I look like some puppet to you?"

His father opened his mouth to yell once more but something came over him and the CEO sat back down again, his shoulders slumping as his gaze focused on the table.

" Go, Dorian," he said in an unusually quiet voice, " Leave." Dorian's face of anger melted away and turned into one of concern as he walked around to place a shoulder on his father's shoulder.

" Dad?" He asked worriedly.

" Leave me. Go and think about what you have said, son. Apologize to me when you think you're ready," he said in a flat voice, shrugging the hand off.

Dorian sighed and took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair as he said, " I wish I could say sorry, dad." With that, he left the room with a heavier heart than he had anticipated. Dorian knew the responsibilities that came with being the Heir to a company that was as famous as theirs. But to force him to spend the his life with someone he didn't love? That was definitely crossing a line for Dorian. Yet, he loved his father. The man had done everything for him and his brother even though he was handling a pressure Dorian would end up carrying soon enough.

Dorian sighed as entered his room, going over to his kitchen to grab a glass of water and stilled when he realised that Chaol had followed him. He took a sip while turning to face the other man and raised an eyebrow. His bodyguard was glaring at him, his hands forming fists. " Yes?" He asked, not in the mood to deal with him.

" Why did you reject the Ytgers?" Chaol asked, his expression seeming to search for something.

" You were just there, Chaol," Dorian returned icily. " I'm not interested in Nehemia and I will not marry her for power."

" How can you not?" Chaol yelled at him. " Why can't you understand the importance of your position?"

Dorian slammed the glass down and hissed, " Don't you dare tell me what to do, Chaol. I will stand by my decision no matter what you think."

" You can't mean that," he said replied in some sort of desperation.

Dorian raised an eyebrow. " Yes, I do. Why do you care so much?" Chaol's demeanour instantly crumpled, his eyes falling to the ground and his shoulders drooping. He sat down on the bed with his head in his hands. Dorian slowly walked over and sat down beside him. " What's wrong?" he asked, his anger slipping away.

" Why? Why not listen to your father?" He asked, his muffle voice sounding anguished.

" Because what's the point?" he asked back. " My dad married my mother for what purpose other than power? He's unhappy even if he refuses to admit it. Mom is out with Hollin because at least my brother isn't tied down like I am. I've never even heard him talk about mom in a loving manner. I don't want to turn into that. I don't want to turn into him." They were both silent for a while until Chaol let out some sort of groan. " Are you okay?"

" I don't know," he replied, straightening up.

" Any other questions?" Dorian asked lightly.

A silence from Chaol. He sighed stood up, intending to walk away from his bodyguard when he felt a tight grip on his wrist. " I have one more question."

" Ask away," He said with curved lips and pulled away from his hold.

" Why me?" Chaol then asked, confused bronze eyes meeting his icy blue ones.

He tilted his head and walked closer, grinning slightly. He was beginning to understand Chaol more now. Gods, please let his theory be correct. " Did I ever tell you why Sorscha and I broke up?" He then asked, a sly smile appearing on his face.

" That's a little out of context, don't you think?" He asked back.

" She had found out that I'd fallen in love with you." Dorian stated, his heart thundering against his chest.

" What?" He asked, his eyes snapping to meet his.

" I'm in love with you, idiot. And I've felt that way for a long time now." There, it was out for Chaol to hear. Please let him return his feelings.

" You can't," he said with such sorrow, Dorian's own heart twisted. " I'm not...you shouldn't."

" Yes, I can," he said firmly. " And I will."

He marched up to Chaol and tipped his head back so that their lips crashed together. Dorian sighed in relief when the other returned his passion. They both moaned as the kiss quickly deepened and their tongues and teeth clashed. Chaol's hands found their way into the other's hair while Dorian easily straddled him. Gods, he didn't think he could get used to this.

Slowly, their frenzy slowed until they were sharing slow, brief kisses with roaming hands that seemed to be content in just exploring.

" I've wanted to do this for an incredibly long time," Dorian finally murmured between their short kisses and Chaol made a noise that indicated his agreement, more content with pulling him back in for another kiss.

When they broke apart, Chaol murmured against the other's lips, " I love you too."

" Thank the gods," he replied, kissing him once more, " Otherwise this make out session would have been a little awkward."

Chaol chuckled and then said, his voice lower, " I wouldn't call this making out. This was hardly anything. We can do much better." With that, his mouth latched onto Dorian's neck, making the other groan loudly and his hands ended up in the chestnut hair. Teeth and skin roamed down his neck in an agonisingly slow pace.

After lightly biting down on the nape of his neck, Chaol pulled back and grinned at Dorian who said blissfully," If I hadn't loved you before, I definitely do now."

Suddenly, Chaol stiffened against him, making Dorian search his face for answers. " What's wrong?" He then asked. What if he was having second thoughts? What if Dorian was too much to handle?

" Am I even right the person?" he asked.

" To do what, Chaol? To be in a relationship with?" Dorian asked, tilting his head.

" I just mean...What about your father? What about the media? What about the business? Do you really think they'd be accepting of me? Of us?" he then asked, making Dorian grin a little. So Chaol didn't have a problem being with him. But he did have a problem with the others.

" Dad has no control over who I love and never will. He'll just have to deal with it. As for the media...they are more than welcome to fuck off. Besides, I'll prove them wrong when the business prospers in my hands. The business will still be mine no matter who I have by my side," Dorian said firmly, kissing the other once. " I want you, Chaol."

" I want you too," he returned softly, a wall in his eyes crumbling to dust. They shared a long slow kiss before Chaol pulled back with a wicked grin on his face. " How do we want to tell the others?"

" Do you want to tell the others?" Dorian asked, searching the other's face for confirmation.

" You really think our friends won't notice this difference between us? Because believe me, I want to make it very clear," Chaol said, a fire in his eyes that made Dorian grin widely.

" Alright, how do you want to do it?"

Chaol in reply said nothing but only stood up with Dorian still wrapped around him and walked over to Dorian's phone. He pulled in the other for a kiss and took a picture of them at the same time. He pulled back and examined the picture. " Send that to all our friends," Chaol then murmured against the other's lips.

" I love you so much," was Dorian's response as he stood back on the ground and wasted no time sending it to all his friends without an explanation.

Chaol chuckled, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissed up the other's neck gently and said, " We'll fight this together?"

Dorian looped his arms around the other's neck and grinned, " Whether it be my father, the press, or the business, we'll fight it."

#sky court secret santa #secret santa fic #secret santa chaorian fic #secret santa chaol and dorian fic #chaorian #chaorian fic #chaorian fanfic #chaorian fanfiction #chaol and dorian #chaol and dorian fic #chaol and dorian fanfic #chaol and dorian fanfiction #chaol westfall and dorian havilliard #chaol westfall fic #chaol #chaol fanfic #chaol fic #chaol fanfiction #chaol westfall #chaol westfall fanfic #chaol westfall fanfiction #dorian #dorian fic #dorian fanfic #dorian havilliard #dorian havilliard fanfic #dorian havilliard fic #throne of glass fic #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfic

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Chaol: Motivated by Loyalty? Or Fear?

WARNING: TOD spoilers.  Do NOT read if you don’t want to see anything re: Tower of Dawn!!

This was inspired by this post by @my-name-is-fireheart that gave me insight into why so many people dislike Chaol.  I’m going to start with a little review, and then I’m going to go into a long rambling dissertation.  You have been warned.

Chaol is motivated by two things in his life: his love for Dorian, and fear.  Certainly at the end of Heir of Fire, the latter emotion won.  I think that much of what we tend to interpret as rigid morality is in fact fear.  Apparent loyalty to the King when he didn’t warn Celaena about Nehemia being questioned was in fact a result of him being afraid of the King.  When the King first told hime he was going to have Nehemia questioned, he added, “‘I want six men outside the room.  Make sure there are no complications or interruptions.’  The look the king gave him suggested exactly the sort of complication he had in mind - Celaena.  Chaol knew it was risky to ask questions…”  Risky to just ask questions, let alone go against direct orders to keep quiet about it.  He then didn’t tell Dorian what it was about though Dorian asked him directly, nor did he tell Celaena, “though part of him twisted until it hurt.”  He is already beginning to struggle with the strain between what his morals told him to do (tell Celaena) and his fear of what would result (he or Celaena or both likely killed by the King).

At the end of Crown of Midnight, Chaol now knows that Celaena is part-fae and that Dorian has magic.  This could be a death sentence for both of them, and he fears both that and the magic itself.  This in turn is why he sends Celaena to Wendlyn and withdraws quite a bit from Dorian (a process begun by their respective relationships to Celaena but made much more significant by the magic revelation).  He honestly wants to protect them from the King, but he also fears what they are capable of, especially Celaena.  He’s had, after all, a life-long relationship with Dorian but has known Celaena for barely months and doesn’t really understand her and her motivations, and he has seen her mow men down with his own eyes.  Much more powerful than reading about it in a dossier.

Throughout Heir of Fire, he begins to try to find his own morality and he struggles greatly.  Up to that point, his morality had been defined by how he was raised.  He was taught from childhood to trust the King (maybe - ToD hints that perhaps Chaol’s father was not so much the loyal subject), that magic is evil, etc., etc.  It’s a beautiful parallel of people who are raised in a strict religious context, who start to get exposed to people from other religions, or atheists, or whatever, and begin to question their upbringing and try to form their own opinion about whether these “others” are good, bad, or gray.  This is a very difficult thing to do, especially when you’ve come to realize both you and the two people in the world you care the most about (both of whom fit into the “other” category) are in mortal danger.

Chaol demonstrates quite a bit of self-loathing in HoF, QoS, and ToD.  His confidence in his upbringing and moral beliefs has been shaken, and he has found himself making decisions he doesn’t understand out of fear of what will happen to him and the people he loves.  It’s a painful journey to watch, but one that so many of us have to go through.  He is basically the straight person in a supernatural comedy of errors - his experience and reactions parallel what most humans would do, if we’re being honest with ourselves.  We would be afraid of these powers, and that fear would inform our decisions, both for good and for bad.

Here’s where I’m going to go off on a bit of a tangent that I promise relates.  I’ve been a life-long horse person, and several years ago I had a catastrophic accident with a horse that were I a hair less balanced in the saddle, did I have a shade less experience, had the horse involved been an iota less athletic, would have resulted in the death of the horse, myself, or probably both.  Luckily we both survived, but I will live with the repercussions of that accident for the rest of my life as my non-dominant arm was severely injured and I have residual nerve damage and structural damage to it.  However, I still ride, even still ride the horse I had the accident on, who belongs to my very close friend.  

Working with animals ten times my size who could kill me easily either on purpose or by accident (the horse in question absolutely did not want to hurt me, he just had a panicked moment), I live in a constant dance with what I regard as a healthy fear.  A while back I read a brilliant article by a rider who stated that we should replace the word “fear” with “common sense” when talking about horses.  When I throw my leg over a 1300 lb animal who can jump a five-foot fence and run at 30 mph, it is common sense to be respectful of what that animal can do; I have to make the decision every single time to get on, to do something I love, knowing that if something goes wrong I could die.  Likewise, when Chaol is interacting with Celaena/Aelin, especially, there is a part of his mind that struggles to not remember that she was beyond deadly even without her magic, her assassin and fighting skill exceed his own, she has killed many while he has killed only one human (Cain).  He can’t forget her gutting Archer Finn because it terrified him - for good reason.  He didn’t know Archer had set up Nehemia’s death, and Celaena never tells him.  All he saw was Archer beg for his life, tell Celaena she was a “good woman,” and Celaena gut him.  It is common sense to fear someone who can do that if they won’t tell you their motivations.  

Aelin/Celaena’s biggest flaw is her unwillingness to be honest and up front about things.  Chaol is the character who calls her out on that the most, perhaps because he recognizes that same tendency in himself.  His fearful common sense reaction to her is strengthened when he realizes she can set the world on fire.  He both fears her abilitiees and wants to rely on them to save Dorian, save the world, and that’s a tough conflict to live with.  Was he unfair to her when she returned, that he had placed expectations on her that she would come back to save Dorian?  Sure - but he was also heartbroken and killing himself for having left Dorian, and had pinned his hopes onto her considerable abilities.  

Speaking of which…the biggest thing Chaol had to heal from in ToD was for walking away from Dorian when the shit went down with Sorscha and Aedion, and Dorian’s magic showed itself to spare him.  It was fear common sense that made him do so; he knew if he remained he’d be completely unable to help Dorian, while from the outside, with the rebels, he may have a chance.  Likewise it was fear common sense coupled with love that had him fight Aelin so hard when she wanted to (justifiably from her perspective) kill Dorian.  

Fear Common sense is incredibly valuable - until it is paralyzing (pun not intended).  When your fear common sense helps you in your decision-making, it’s brilliant, but when it halts it, it’s catastrophic.  Most people who suffer accidents similar to mine continue to ride at first, but find that their relationship with their horse suffers, and over time, they give up on it, or  their riding becomes much more limited than it was.  They lose the glorious sense of communion with another creature that cannot be matched by anything else; but if you ask them, they wouldn’t say they were afraid.  They often don’t even think about the accident consciously.  But the subconscious doesn’t let go, and the more you try to beat it down, the more it latches on.

Chaol actually doesn’t become overwhelmed in the moment, but over the ensuing months, his self-loathing for his decision making leads to his paralysis, both physically (because he essentially sacrifices himself so Aelin can rescue Dorian) and emotionally (leading him to cling to Nesryn despite his lack of feelings for her due to the safety she represents, leading him to be harsh to Yrene initially, etc.).  The problem he was having, though, It wasn’t until he really was being healed by Yrene that he was able to recognize the fear in himself.  

“He had been so afraid - so afraid of magic, of loss, of everything.  And that fear…it had driven him to it anyway.  It had hurried him down this path.  He had clung so hard, had fought against it, and it had cost him everything…Unmoored and raging, he had not wanted to heal.  Not really…Some part of him had whispered it was deserved.  And the soul-wound…He had been content to let it fester.  Failure and liar and oath-breaker.”

Chaol actually was far from a failure.  He succeeded in escaping sure death at the hands of the King; helped free Aedion; helped Aelin gain funds for the war (by helping with the Arobynn situation); protected Dorian from Aelin, and ultimately gave himself up to save both the magic-wielders.  Was he a liar?  Perhaps, to his father; same with the oath-breaker.  Perhaps one could argue he was to Nesryn as well, but Nesryn had in fact released him from any oath when she left with Sartaq, and he never really lied to her about his feelings.  They were consensual sex partners without commitment in QoS, but never did he really promise her anything other than that he would walk out of the castle (and that was hardly his fault).  But he couldn’t see himself as anything else until he recognized his fear, faced it, and saw it through to the other side.  Until he was able to acknowledge it, and make the conscious decision to love Dorian, love Aelin, despite the fear common sense they inspire in him.  Much as I make the conscious decision to ride my horses every day.

Essentially, Chaol’s role in this series is that of straight man to the supernatural weirdness going on around him.  He feels the same fear common sense that we would.  His responses are natural, and realistic, and human.  He represents the process of getting a moral education, a forced expansion of one’s world, that many of us go through as we mature from children to adults.  And he shows beautifully how healing occurs, both physically and emotionally.

#tod spoilers #tod #chaol westfall #healing from fear #tog #sjmaas

[longsightmyth]

Myth reads Tower of Dawn part 2

I don’t even know how to prepare people for these status updates, but I can start by saying there’s a bunch of humiliation of a disabled character in the text that’s sort of handwaved with ‘oh, she means well’ and that Yrene is possibly as bad a person as Celaena in my estimation at this point. JESUS CHRIST.

September 7, 2017 – page 85  12.07% "Okay look you've admitted that Kadja (the servant, who at last has a name)could be in the pay of someone but you're still trusting the information she gives you with no qualms whatsoever?"

September 7, 2017 – page 90  12.78% ""It will totes be a weakness if I mention that I'm looking for THE ONLY OTHER MEMBER OF MY DIPLOMATIC GROUP who has gone missing because it will reveal that I care about her" I don't know what to do with these people I really don't"

September 7, 2017 – page 91  12.93% "I take back whatever points Chaol earned for bothering to learn Kadja's name. Stop yelling at Nesryn for unreasonable things. It's stupid, first of all, and weird, second"

September 16, 2017 – page 91  12.93% "I seem to have misplaced my copy but rest assured I will be back"

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "On the one hand I can understand a grieving sibling not thinking about every possibility, but on the other, "no one within our lands would be stupid enough to [murder a princess and make it look like a suicide]" First, if they have successfully fooled everyone into thinking it was suicide, that argues for cleverness, no matter what nationality."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "Second, this is a nation where apparently siblings are supposed to duke it out for the throne and murder the offspring of their less skilled or less lucky siblings. Why wouldn't you murder your siblings at that point? Look at the princess who's married and pregnant - maybe she doesn't like her odds if things proceeded on the up and up. Maybe her spouse doesn't. Maybe they just don't want to risk it."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "Even if it wasn't a sibling directly, any of their supporters could have done it, or even somebody who just had a grudge and was particularly clever."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "Third, someone trying to destabilize the current royal family could be murdering folks. It's not like you guys seem to actually DO anything about possible traitors."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "All of these things Chaol, as the former captain of the royal guard, should be considering. Instead he takes Kashin's word for it, because no one in these books has the sense of a turnip."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "Also, in case you couldn't tell, I found my book."

September 23, 2017 – page 30  4.26% "But seriously why are the leading suspects not her siblings"

September 25, 2017 – page 37  5.26% "These fragments keep getting weirder. I'm starting to truly believe this book was just never proofread. Example: "There were two such vials on the desk now, clear orbs atop silver feet fashioned after ibis legs. Being purified by the endless sunshine within the tower." Does that not read like someone accidentally hit the space bar twice while typing on an iPhone?"

October 5, 2017 – page 106  15.06% "I can't quite put my finger on why the new and strange veneration of Dorian's father bothers me as much as it does. Maybe the utter lack of foreshadowing? It could be that the man made more evil decisions pre-possession, or at least early possession when he ostensibly had enough control to try to make an eight year old..."

October 5, 2017 – page 106  15.06% "...lose control and burn him up, thus causing major political unrest and war. The eight year old was an awful child, true, but that's no reason to trick or trap a child into murder and causing a war."

October 5, 2017 – page 106  15.06% "Honestly he was a much more effective villain before the series started if you count extreme selfishness as a villainous trait. Which I do."

October 5, 2017 – page 107  15.2% "Why is everyone STILL fawning of Celaena she isn't even supposed to be in this book GIVE IT A REST"

October 5, 2017 – page 107  15.2% "Do we have to have every single POV character independently explain to us who Silba is? Is this a requirement? Is this author being paid by the word?"

October 5, 2017 – page 108  15.34% ""In that court of vipers" [footage not found] you can't tell me CONSTANTLY that a court is pretty and valid and useless and only show us the court once (where they are dancing and Dorian is thinking about how his mother and her court are pretty and vapid and useless) and then try to tell me that they were all Evil Politicians working to drag Dorian down. You just can't."

October 5, 2017 – page 109  15.48% "More Celaena worship. Should I stop noting this? I probably won't."

October 5, 2017 – page 109  15.48% ""I told you what happened," he simply said. I will go to my grave saying that if you add dialogue tags to something you want to be plain and simple you are doing it wrong. MY GRAVE."

October 5, 2017 – page 110  15.63% "Are these glass bells magical this seems like a bad plan to me"

October 5, 2017 – page 111  15.77% "Are only women healers? Why? Is it a magic thing or a cultural thing? Would a man be allowed to be a healer or would he be laughed out, magical healing ability or no? Would he be allowed but looked down on? Do men even get healing magic? Is there a stigma? TELL ME."

October 5, 2017 – page 111  15.77% "How does no one in this book have an ex they can just kinda nod at in the street why is it all Tragically Dead or evil past loves"

October 5, 2017 – page 117  16.62% ""How many times had he laid into his men for slouching, for chattering amongst themselves, and reassigned them to lesser watches?" I mean going by the way you dealt with two guards who literally just peaced out and went to hang out at a party (ie, ah well, this happens, try not to do it again, come back tomorrow) not that many times."

October 5, 2017 – page 123  17.47% "Baast cats. Sure, why not, I guess."

October 5, 2017 – page 125  17.76% "I guess we do have printing presses in this world somehow"

October 5, 2017 – page 126  17.9% "Wait she named one of the Valg kings Orcus? I'm going to laugh my way to my dnd group this weekend"

October 5, 2017 – page 128  18.18% "This MADWOMAN is stuffing scrolls that are CENTURIES OLD into her CLOAK POCKETS. I feel faint."

October 5, 2017 – page 130  18.47% "Why do so few people get names in this series? Why does nobody think about the fact that they don't know people's names?!"

October 5, 2017 – page 132  18.75% "The bell alarm would be super clever if you discount the fact that anyone who watched the library for any length of time would know it never closed, and would therefore know that there was no bell toll to signal the library closing, and would THEREFORE know that the jig, she is up"

October 5, 2017 – page 135  19.18% "This isn't quite as bad as Dorian letting Sorscha take the blame for the damage caused by his magical temper tantrum, but come on, Yrene. You want a servant to leave so you can talk to Chaol in private so you straight up say that she HARMED him?"

October 5, 2017 – page 135  19.18% "That is quite frankly despicable, even if we ignore the possible consequences to Kadja. You just told the woman she hurt somebody! You put that on her shoulders! You have officially become awful."

October 5, 2017 – page 136  19.32% "Wait wait wait Yrene KNOWS that she has made Kadja worry about her position and wellbeing by literally saying that she hurt Chaol, and Yrene doesn't even care? What the everloving FUCK."

October 5, 2017 – page 138  19.6% "Why would bodiless shadow entities care about what bodies they inhabited? Is there a reason they only take dude bodies? Did they study humans for a while and decide they should be aesthetically pleasing men to be most effective? WHY" 

October 5, 2017 – page 145  20.6% ""Either your lack of consciousness during that initial healing kept you from feeling this sort of pain, or perhaps whatever this is had not... settled." Aka, I needed a wordy way to explain this particular asspull plot device. Sorry, true love device."

October 5, 2017 – page 148  21.02% "Are the ruks basically the eagles. Are they. (In fairness I was thinking of the seanchan flying lizard things whose name escapes me from Wheel of Time until this point)"

October 5, 2017 – page 150  21.31% "How are they having this conversation up in the air with the wind"

October 5, 2017 – page 151  21.45% ""[Celaena] and Dorian both possess considerable magic. But I would say it is their intelligence that is the stronger weapon." Celaena and Dorian's intelligence: [footage not found]"

October 5, 2017 – page 153  21.73% "Does nobody suspect Yrene? She found the body, she sounded the alarm for something nobody else found, she has all those weird books about death magic and stuff, she has access to the royal family..."

October 5, 2017 – page 159  22.59% "You just told Kadja to add lots of honey Yrene don't fucking complain like it's her fault the tea is too sweet now. What the hell. Why are we hating on Kadja so much. She's doing her job as stated by the book. It's because this is when the author decided that Yrene was going to be Chaol's new love interest isn't it"

October 5, 2017 – page 160  22.73% "Of course Chaol instinctively puts the right amount of honey into the tea. Because why not I guess."

October 5, 2017 – page 165  23.44% "WHY DOES THE GRAND EMPRESS NOT HAVE A NAME"

October 5, 2017 – page 175  24.86% "I'm not saying the idea with the horse is impossible or even ill-conceived, but did you train the horse to answer only to rein? Because it doesn't matter how patient the horse is, if Chaol doesn't have control over his legs they'll either swing a bit, giving the horse commands it has been trained to obey, or keep constant hard pressure, which would confuse the horse if it was trained traditionally."

October 5, 2017 – page 175  24.86% "In other words, this is actually a considerate idea. Unfortunately it lacks the knowledge of someone who knows about horses. And I'm not saying all horses are trained the same way, but that's another factor - is this horse trained to ignore legs, one of the main forms of signaling for riders - in favor of rein? Never mentioned."

October 5, 2017 – page 178  25.28% ""You have a good seat" he says, at which point Yrene promptly flails everywhere and slides back and forth in her saddle. That means she does not have a good seat. Do a teensy bit of research on horses and riding please"

October 5, 2017 – page 178  25.28% "Here's the thing. "No lady, beautiful or plain, young or old, deserved to be gawked at." It's a great sentiment. It's a sentiment I applaud. It's a sentiment that is completely undermine by this appearing to happen only to Yrene as a tool to tell us how desirable she is, and don't try to tell me it's not."

October 5, 2017 – page 179  25.43% ""You encounter that [harassment] here?" Chaol. Literally one page ago you were commenting on people ogling her creepily. Keep up."

October 5, 2017 – page 180  25.57% ""Dorian has long studied and admired the khaganate." Uh-huh. That's why it was never mentioned before the beginning of this book as anything other than the mysterious southern continent where Nesryn was from. Makes total sense."

October 5, 2017 – page 185  26.28% "Look I'm no fan of Chaol these days but it doesn't matter - you're shouting about the man's disability that he is clearly insecure about to a crowd while he sits there after having agreed to help you with something entirely different. You don't have his permission. He didn't ask you to talk to other healers. Why are you being a dick?"

October 5, 2017 – page 185  26.28% "Also, the medical professionals still refuse to say the word penis. I don't know why manhood is better, but apparently euphemisms rule the day in this world."

October 5, 2017 – page 186  26.42% "No nope nuh-uh this is actually nausea inducing my blind eye isn't even that big a deal but somebody shouting about it and giving my medical particulars to a giant crowd of people I wasn't even told about and pointing out (loudly) that it was rolling off to the side or something would be SO AWFUL. Jesus Christ, I didn't even know I could have this kind of reaction."

October 5, 2017 – page 186  26.42% "Fuck this book."

October 5, 2017 – page 186  26.42% "Fuck Yrene."

October 5, 2017 – page 186  26.42% "This is the WORST."

October 5, 2017 – page 186  26.42% "He's literally either strapped to a horse or being carried by these so called healers he can't even just LEAVE. Fuck."

October 5, 2017 – page 187  26.56% ""She means well, my Yrene." I. Don't. Care."

#Myth reads Tower of Dawn #Tower of Dawn #this is NOT complimentary y'all #myth reads

[poeticnuisanc3]

Unpopular opinion/rant:

Chaol. Westfall. Did. Nothing. Wrong. I shall explain for all of the people that I can hear gasping. Celaena Sardothien, the assassin who is notorious for being blood-thirsty and terrifying, gets LET OUT OF SLAVERY. Chaol probably lost a lot of friends in the castle guard force to Celaena and the rest of Arobynn's assassins. And his best friend promises to liberate her and let her live in the castle with him. You can see what he might be thinking. He's sworn to protect the prince and he tries to do that with everything he's got because he is the most loyal friend ever. That's the problem everybody had with him. That he was loyal to the King in Crown of Midnight when Nehemia's death threat came. But I believe that nothing that happened that night was his fault. If you were in his shoes, who would you trust: The King, whose son is your best friend for over a decade, and who has given you a home, a job and a family when your own kicked you out and disowned you. Who gave him a position of power and trusts you with his life, and the life of his son. Who provided you a chanc to be someone you were proud of. OR The most famous assassin in the country, who has murdered people you knew and has never apologised or been anything but salty at best towards you. Then, she started flirting with your best friend and when you try to protect him from her, the deadly assassin, he pushes you away. She causes you to split further and further away from your best friend. She then breaks his heart in two and makes a move on you, and you fall in love, ostricising you from Dorian completely. After you've slept with her once, she then expects you to hand over the county's secrets and everything. I know who you would pick. And that means I've proven my point. But I'm not done yet. Celaena then BLAMES YOU for the death of her best friend and scars you for life for being loyal to the man who gave you a chance. Not only that, but she then stomps on your heart and breaks it into pieces. Then you find out that Celaena is fae - a species you've been taught to fear and despise your whole life. And because you are a good person, a good friend, you then BETRAY the man you were once loyal to just to protect this girl who is fae, who has maimed your face, destroyed your heart and taken your friend from you. You sacrifice your dreams, your job and your pride just to send her to Doranelle. And after the terror and horror of Heir of Fire, of watching Sorscha die and Dorian be possessed, Celaena returns as Aelin, blaming you for Dorian and demanding to be a part of the plans. You don't even know her anymore - she's become a different person. And she's replaced you. So I'm not saying that everyone should hate on Celaena/Aelin. I love her. So much. I'm just saying, don't hate on Chaol. And no one should be comparing him to the sexist, dominating and uncaring male that Tamlin was and is.

#Throne of glass #Chaol #Chaol Westfall #Celaena Sardothien #Aelin #sjm #Sarah J Maas #sjmaas #rant #tog #throneofglass #crown of midnight #mine