#it’s very heartbreaking to witness a childhood cut short

[turtleblogatlast]

Sometimes I think about how the turtles are just kids, y’know? Just kids and yet it’s up to them to save people, save New York, save the world.

It’s honestly really sad. They were created to be soldiers and while they chose to protect rather than destroy, they remain soldiers all the same.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #it’s morbidly funny how the movie tries to push the whole idea of responsibility and heroism on Leo and the audience but uh #that’s a sixteen year old #and Raph is only seventeen #these kids became vigilantes for FUN and now it’s a responsibility all of a sudden like bro #it’s very heartbreaking to witness a childhood cut short #the boys are GOOD at heroism and being ninjas and saving people #but it leaves a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth when a kid acting like a kid instead of a Hero is presented as a bad thing #it’s why I was so happy to see Raph get to join in on the pizza stack competition at the end of the movie #but at the end we already see Leo much more mature in comparison and #I can’t help but feel sad about it

[alkalinefrog]

may I request your top 10 favorie lawlight fics ?? I’m really interested

AIGHT BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP because I’ve got a lot of feelings about these! Also, people have been asking me for fics featuring:

Ryuk shenanigans

yagami sibling hijinks

whammy kids found family

----- from my bingo card I made a while back. Tbh, I put those on the list to try and manifest the energy into the universe hoping people would bring fics to ME about them lmao. I do have a couple that check the boxes though! 

Also thank you to everyone who’s been recommending me fics!! You’ve all hit the nail on the head and sing straight to my heart! I’m just slow to make my way through them between work. <3

GOING UNDER THE CUT (rip mobile users)

Aight here we go, in no particular order:

“Change OR the one where L and Light get married” by @translightyagami (I’m so sorry I keep tagging you in these alsfjkalsfdj)

The one I never shut up about and am adapting part of into a comic because it’s just that GOOD. :’’’D Light and L get married in front of Watari and Light’s family back at the Whammy orphanage in England. A melancholy yet painfully sweet tale as Light and L reminisce on their history together while getting ready for the ceremony, and their first night together afterwards. Single-handedly sold me on Kira being intrinsically part of Light to boot.

“the forest holds strange creatures” by @translightyagami (I’m sorryyyyyyy I just love your stuff)

An AU where Light’s a paranormal researcher and L’s a reclusive cryptid living in the forest next to a small town. The writing has a fairytale feel to it, and the romance is so gentle. Light’s bunking at Whammy’s small little house, and Near and Mello are there as little kids pestering Light. It’s ADORABLE. Beyond Birthday also shows up in one of the extra chapters as a creepy cashier at a thrift shop for double the fun!

"Sickness” by BlueberryValentine (more fics on their fanfiction.net account!)

The ultimate hurt/comfort + fluff + angst with a happy ending fic. The first fic I read to get back into lawlight a couple months back! Canon divergence starting during the Yotsuba arc. Light is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer while still under investigation. L has to take care of him, and somewhere along the way they fall in love. It carved out a chunk of my heart but luckily filled it back up with a sweet sort of aching.

“Seeking His Hand” by magic__mind

Historical regency AU! L is a rich nobleman courting Light, a humble farm boy, for his hand in marriage. One of the most romantic pieces of literature that I have ever come across. The prose is pure poetry, and their love so pure! This one also has a special place in my heart for its portrayal of Misa! She’s A)a spy who helps L on his cases, B)totally removed from her co-dependence for Light, C)the  bubbly badass she was always meant to be. 100/10 worth the read!

The “Resurrections” Series by Shadow_of_Quill

A modern Orpheus and Euridice story, wherein Light’s spirit leads L back from Hades while he’s still Kira. L is thereby present for the confrontation at the warehouse. Believing that any trace of Light is lost in the man, he executes him right then and there. However, this was a grave mistake, and Light’s soul won’t be as easily revived. (spoilers, they’re both fine in the end) ******* THIS ONE ALSO INCLUDES YAGAMI SIBLING HIJINKS. Sayu plays a HUGE role in bringing Light back!

“Is This The Way It Ends Now?” by Seastar98

The one that checks off ALL the above three boxes!! A “characters watch their own show” fic, wherein the gang receives a mysterious DVD in the middle of the Yotsuba arc. Horrified by what’s to come, Light and L work to make sure their future is brighter than the one they witness. They bring in all three heirs to watch with ‘em, everyone gets character development, and Sayu comes in like black panther in endgame yet again to bring Light back from the darkness! Ryuk pops up in the end and the epilogue and he’s great. The ultimate and most direct fix-it you’re ever gonna get.

“From the Same Star” by Nilahxapiel

This is my only pure “Ryuk Shenanigans” fic, and it’s really really sad :’’’D A short but sweet one-shot wherein Ryuk traverses multiple dimensions, dropping the Death Note at Light’s feet each time. Light and L were always fated to clash, and it’s just as heartbreaking every time. 

“Primitive Liars” by Nilahxapiel

This one’s super popular in the fandom for a reason! The only omegaverse fic that I’ve liked! The A/B/O dynamics and their affect on society are super well developed, and the writer manages to keep L and Light very in character while still developing their budding romance in a believable way. This is an AU where somebody else is Kira, and Light’s genuinely helping L and the task force hunt him down. ***** Naomi Misora lives, the heirs come in, and Sayu actually hops aboard the task force!!! DUDE. BRILLIANT. I also just love the exploration of gender and identity that the author weaves in. Lots of LGBTQ rep!

“and indeed there will be time” by lawlietismyfavorite

The ultimate soulmate AU. People grow to be 18, then stop aging until they meet their one. L is the greatest detective of not only this century, but of six centuries. And then there's Light. (taken straight from the description!) The prose is absolutely breathtaking; like walking through a dream. Can not recommend this fic enough! It’s got my head up in the clouds and looking towards the stars!

“K” by  Dlvvanzor

AU where Light’s a Whammy with the moniker ‘K.’ He and L grow up together along with kiddos covering the rest of the alphabet. A murder-mystery-thriller on top of the romance featuring Beyond Birthday as a main character! Light’s a pathological liar and L’s super into it. They’re the top students at Whammy’s and are tasked with solving a string of homicides happening RIGHT AT THE ORPHANAGE (guess who dunnit). It had me on the edge of my seat, and I binged the whole thing in two days.

i’mMMMM doing more than 10, this’ll just be my ultimate fic rec post 😂

“Change of Circumstances” by wordbombs

Another AU where Light’s a whammy! It’s just a one-shot though, but one of my all time faves!!! I’ve gone back and reread it so many times and drew some stuff for it a couple weeks back. Much more light-hearted than “K”, Light arrives at the orphanage at age four and meets an eleven year old L, and from there they grow up together and fall in love (the age difference is handled really well, L’s not physically present for a lot of Light’s childhood and they bond on a platonic level first). It’s one of the healthiest relationship dynamics that I’ve seen for these two, which is honestly such a breath of fresh air. Matt, Mello, and Near are there too in the background!

“Dial K for Kira” by @kiranatrix

“Light needs some easy money to finance his Kira plans, and notices there’s a big demand for Kira roleplay phone sex. So he figures, “Why not? Pretty sure I’ll be convincing.”He raises some fast cash and plans to shut the whole thing down and get back to writing names, until he gets a request from somebody who wants to “roleplay” as L....“

Taken straight from the description! It’s very VERY NSFW so be warned. I’m too shy to talk about it more alskfjdasldjf sorry BUT IT’S GREAT.

“Dance with Me” and “Birthday Note” by @dotti55fanfiction

These are both one-shots so I’m putting ‘em together! Absolutely adorable tooth-rotting fluff!! “Dance with Me” has Light and L going to a club, while “Birthday Note” features L trying to think of the best present for Light. The dictionary definition of “warm fuzzies.” (Dotti ilu, I still gotta find time to read your longer works)

“you’re a wasp nest” by  raisuki (inthegripofahurricane)

Blind!Light AU! Light and L are both college students who meet when Sayu dares L to break into her house. Yagami sibling hijinksssss! Their quippy dialogue is adorable and it’s just a fun time watching them flirt.

“softly now” by smallestbird (jenwryn)

THANK YOU TO THE ANON WHO SENT ME THIS REC. The softest lawlight one-shot to finish off this list! Light and L share an intimate moment while painting their new apartment. The absolute JOY this fic radiates in a short 700 words!! Read it before bed for the sweetest dreams!

These are just my favourites, but read anything by any of these authors and you will not be disappointed! I might make a separate post later for soulmate AUs because... There’s just too many. :’D

-Alka

#Anonymous #ask #fic rec #lawlight #text #when you meet a work deadline and use the extra time to catch up on asks lol

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences

Words: 2.2K~

Summary: A series of shorts detailing what might’ve happened in the moments after I Am My Monster, told from six different points of view.

Greg apparently had a LOT on his mind, because this was supposed to be short and instead it’s over 2000 words, ahah. Final chapter!

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

Chapter warning: Allusions to past non-canon character suicide.

____

Chapter 6: Greg

Hours pass.

Bismuth makes quick and quiet work of replacing the cracked slider door in Steven’s room while he sleeps, and secures a thick tarp over the open front of the house to keep the coastal breeze somewhat at bay until she can finish her repairs to the windows and siding. She warns that might take a day or two. Garnet, meanwhile, busies herself the rest of the afternoon and evening fielding all of the Diamonds’ frazzled calls, and reassuring them of the boy’s current stability. Pooling their knowledge, Dr. Maheswaran and Peridot make sure to confirm that. Beyond some minor scarring, neither his organic or Gem half seems to exhibit any serious physical health conditions in consequence of what happened today, news which works to ever so slightly lift the air of the household. With no other concrete tasks to complete, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Connie, and Greg all rotate between sweeping debris off the floor, wandering the beach to mentally recuperate, and dutifully sitting at Steven’s side as he rests. It may not sound like a lot, but alas the level of emotional labor demanded by such a situation is immense.

All in all, the sun’s long since dipped below the horizon by the time Greg finally collapses onto the mattress laid out in the back of his van, craving if but a moment of privacy and respite from all the chaos. It’s been... an insufferably long day, to put it lightly. Busy. Tons of cleaning, and intercepting nosy neighbors, and bedside monitoring...

He offered to take the first night shift watching Steven a few minutes ago, but Pearl must’ve noticed the dark circles creeping ever wider under his eyes, because she proceeded to gently overturn his offer and remind him of humanity’s daily sleep requirement. And she’s right, of course. He can’t stay up as long as he used to in his twenties anymore. Plus, he probably deserves some time to himself after everything that’s transpired. There’s plenty of Gems left in the house who can keep watch, after all. Steven will be fine for a few hours. Surely nothing else can happen when he’s asleep, right?

 Right??

Exhaustedly slumping against the side wall, Greg offers a glassy, vacant stare at the contacts list of his phone, roughly wiping the damp from his cheeks with his other hand as his thumb hovers over one of the numbers. Does he dare drag someone else into this whole situation? Surely the kinder solution would be to refrain from widening the circle any more, from letting anyone else learn about today’s harrowing events. And yet if he fails to find a proper outlet for the raw emotions all of this has violently hauled to the surface, he fears he just may suffer a mental break himself, repressed memories bursting like a vicious flood through the dam he desperately tried to seal them behind all those years back. Much of this is just... far too familiar.

His phone slips right through his trembling hands as the cruel reality of what he witnessed today finally begins to carve its indelible presence in his mind. A strained sob leaking from between his tightly pursed lips, he buries his head between his knees, clutching at the worn bottom hem of his jean shorts like an infant to a parent’s finger. Small. Vulnerable.

Helpless.

His son... oh stars, his only son, he—

He can’t talk about any of this to the Gems; they wouldn’t wholly grasp the uniquely human nature of his concerns. And he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing these matters with Dr. Maheswaran, especially not after the stern words she dealt to him back at the hospital. He’s burdened her enough already, by this point. No, there’s only one fellow human he feels close enough with to engage in this sort of conversation.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he reaches for the phone he dropped on the mattress. Turns it on. Nervously clamps down on his bottom lip as he selects his cousin’s contact and dials.

The passing heartbeats slamming against his ribs are almost nauseating in their needy clamor as he waits, his calloused fingers tapping against the thick rubber of his phone case. Andy’s never been a particularly tech savvy guy, so honestly, it’s well within reason he might not even carry his phone on his person to answer. And that’d be fine, really. In fact, he might even prefer it, since he’s still not confident he’s emotionally prepared to discuss any of this at this precise moment, anyways. But just as he’s beginning to undergo mental preparations for what on Earth he might leave as a voicemail message, his older family member finally picks up.

“Greg?” Andy’s gravelly voice rings through, sounding somewhat tinny through their connection. “Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? How’s the ol’ Universe family unit doin’?”

“Not great, honestly,” he narrowly manages in response, his throat constricting tight. “That’s kinda why I’m calling, if you have the time to listen?”

“Heh. I’m a drifter, you know I ain’t got no schedule. Carry on.”

“Well... geeze, how do I put this. There was, uh... a bit of an incident today. With Steven.”

“An incident?” his cousin questions, marked worry immediately painting his tone. “The kid okay??”

He falls silent for a few seconds upon this question, threading his hyperactive digits through the split ends in his hair on automatic, a stress-induced habit. “Unclear,” he says, a slight quiver making itself intimately known in his words. “I mean, physically, at the moment, yes, but—“

He cuts off once more. It suddenly occurs to him that little of today’s events would make sense to Andy without providing the appropriate context. Or, at least, what little context he’s capable of giving as a father. It’s still terrifying to admit the truth to himself— that he doesn’t possess the full story. That he hasn’t been paying close enough attention. That, in many ways, he willfully blinded himself to all the troubling events transpiring around his son throughout the years, foolishly believing that if he didn’t involve himself... that if he simply stayed out of the Gems’ hair... everything would go to plan, and Steven would finally receive the training he needed. He didn’t expect things would grow so complicated.

He didn’t expect that his teenage son would have to march into battle carrying nothing but his wits and a shield time and time again.

With a weary sigh and a quick apology, to which Andy brushes off, Greg begins to weave a verbal picture of everything that’s transpired across the last few days. First, the hospital call. Rushing home from tour, only to find his son giant and flushed pink, literally filling an entire room with the sheer volume of his trauma. The shattered x-ray in his chart, hinting towards hidden hurts that— before all this— even Steven seemingly hadn’t processed or quantified. Then, the road trip. The unwanted reminders of his childhood. That blasted CD. His expression sobers as he describes the fateful argument they had on the road home, one which lead to his son accidentally breaking the steering wheel and flipping the van. Next... his disappearance. No texts for four whole days, which is so unlike him. He was worried sick. And the next time he saw him, he was eight feet tall, glowing, and painfully manic in behavior, with each new sentence spilling from his mouth revealing an even more heartbreaking picture of the sort of poor mental state he’d spiraled into. It was nothing short of a father’s worst nightmare, propelled into horrifying, vivid reality.

Nothing in this corner of the galaxy could’ve prepared him for the primal surge of terror and anguish he was engulfed within when that nightmare distorted and transformed even further.  

His only son... colossal and coated in thick scales and spines, sclera black as night... roughly clawing at this unfamiliar form, smashing his skull against the cliffside, roaring with an inner pain so primal that the sound now haunts the depths of his very soul—

“I- you remember what happened with cousin Jo, back when we were young?” Greg says softly once he’s caught Andy up with the details of situation, his voice frail and unsteady, the tone of a man helplessly marooned amidst his anxieties. “Before she was sent to that mental rehab place? Well, I’m... with the addition of Gem magic, it almost felt like that. I mean, h-he’s fine for now, we have him resting, but... but I’m just so scared he won’t come out of this, like her, a-a-and that one day he’ll—“

A mewling sob bubbles up in his throat, swiftly severing that train of thought. N-no. No, he refuses to even utter that horrible idea out loud! After all, a world without Steven in it isn’t worth envisioning.

Andy’s eventual response— albeit tinged with a justified shade of awkwardness, given the emotionally charged nature of this conversation— is filled with genuine compassion, and for that he’s dearly thankful.

“Aw, hell... Greg, I’m- I’m so sorry. I, uh- I could fly over, if any of ya’ need me? For emotional support, or whatever?”

Upon this kind offer, he inhales deep to steady his breath, and wipes away dewy beads of moisture from the corner of his eyes, desperately hoping that he can mitigate the pitiful wavering of his voice over the phone. He’s gotta fight to reliably keep some form of composure in front of other people, damnit. His kid can’t have his dad breaking down around him too, of course.

“No, you’ve got places to be,” he replies evenly, pressing his thumb and pointer against one of his aching temples. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You ain’t asking,” he retorts, the eye-roll evident in his tone. “I’m offering. Listen- family takes care of family, y’hear? And I’m only about a day’s flight away, anyways. It’s really the least I could do.”

He sighs. Absentmindedly tugs at a thick strand of his hair. Offers a long, contemplative stare at the rickety age-worn handle affixed to the inside of the van’s back doors. Truth be told— ignoring his deep-seated guilt at dragging Andy into all this to begin with— he’d love having another family member around to embrace, especially a human one who can more deeply understand the crux of his anxieties about this delicate situation. But in the end, he shouldn’t be prioritizing his own feelings and comfort. He’s not the one in crisis, his son is.

Desperately hoping he’s making the right choice, Greg flexes his fingers, and acquiesces to the offer, on one condition: only if Steven consents to having visitors, once he’s awake.

Andy hums in approval. “Understood. Don’t wanna overload the poor guy with any surprise visits, or whatever.”

“Yeah. The last thing I want to do is push him too hard, too fast.”

He pauses, braving waves of parental grief to spend a moment to reflect on Steven’s emotional progression over the past few months... a stray negative comment here, an unusually forlorn mannerism there... All of them events that, in isolation, wouldn’t point to anything more than your standard ‘teenage angst,’ but when observed in strong, unceasing patterns, begin to reveal deeply harrowing truths about the state of an individual’s self-image. How did he never notice? Why wasn’t he there to catch him in his fall?

“I think he hates himself,” he says quietly, his voice hitching up at the end. “He didn’t say so directly, but- but I can sense it. And I don’t know how to help him, I-I... I don’t know if I can.”

“Nonsense,” his cousin scoffs, “‘course ya’ know what to do! What does any good father worth their salt give their sons?”

Unable to evade the momentary temptation of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, he slumps back against the wall, giving a weak shrug that his current audience would never see.

“I dunno, maybe a stable, safe childhood? Not growing up poor as dirt in a van?”

“No, you numbskull,” Andy immediately cuts back, “you love on ‘em and support ‘em just as much as you always have! Y’ show him that you’re always gonna be there for him, and that he can trust you with anything.”

“But I haven’t always been there for him,” he exclaims petulantly. “That’s the whole problem! That’s one of the reasons he ended up like this.”

“Greg,” he says, his voice softer this time. “Listen to me, ain’t nobody perfect, okay? We’ve all made our mistakes with people. Me? More than most. But what we can’t do is let those mistakes cloud what’s happening right now. Y’know, that’s one of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the past two years, that you can’t always make things about you. Because right now, it’s about him. He’s dealin’ with some hard feelings, and he needs all of our help. So, let’s help him. Together. We’ll start with one foot in front of us, and we can take it from there. All right?”

Closing his weary, exhausted eyes and pressing his thumb firm against his still-aching temple, Greg Universe gives a long sigh and finally concedes to the reality that— just as he’s not solely responsible for the decline of his son’s mental state— no man should be an island when it comes to the task of supporting one’s journey towards recovery. As with everything, the extended Universe family unit will face the future together, hand-in-hand. Step-by-step.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, I think that’s do-able.”

#su #su future #greg universe #andy demayo #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

[itsclivia]

{ HAILEY BIEBER . CIS FEMALE .  24 . SHE/HER }  did you see that { OLIVIA HUNTER } just pulled up in hidden hills with { JAXSON KING } sitting next to them in the passengers seat - isn’t that cute ! you know, for a { MODEL }, i’ve heard they’re really { NAIVE }, but that they make up for it by being so { LOVING }. i see them all the time on snapchat && yesterday in US WEEKLY i read that they { HAVE } a baby - can you believe that ?!

B A S I C S.

Full Name: Olivia Phoebe Hunter

Nickname(s): Liv, Oli, Pheebs, Baby, Mi Vida, and more.

Age: Twenty-Four.

Date of Birth: November 22, 1996

Hometown: New York, CA.

Current Location: Hidden Hills, CA.

Gender: Cisfemale.

Pronouns: She/Her

Orientation: Bisexual.

Occupation: Model.

everyone knows the hunter family, it’s a household name in hollywood. olivia phoebe hunter was born to two lovin’ parents and was the only child. she is the apple of her parent’s eyes and their joy in life. olivia had a great childhood, she was traveling with her parents and exploring the world. she was attended a private school and explored the art of dancing but it was cut short due to a foot injury she had gotten.

since she wasn’t on the dance floor anymore, olivia was jokingly posing in front of a store in new york where she caught the attention of her father’s manager even more and got her to do modeling classes. she learned so much from learning how to walk to how she might not the perfect face for this but something else will surely come up where she will shine. she faced a lot of heartbreak but she kept it up. olivia now walks in fashion shows in milan, london and in her hometown of new york. 

olivia has been the face of many brands such as h&m, forever 21, urban outfitters and so much more! she had been the cover for many major fashion magazines like vouge, parents, allure, elle and many others!

that’s not the only camera she has been in front of! olivia has been on the television a few times as a guest on talk shows and even co-host a rap battle show.

at a young age, the young teen met the upcoming popstar, jaxson king as she attended one of his performances on a show he was being interviewed for. quickly, olivia did not get along with jaxson king but the two grew close as their friendship started to blossom. while the man was traveling, the two were set up on a blind date. the pair were talking about it through a text planning to meet up later to talk about how bad the date would mostly be. to their surprise, it was them. 

their one hateship turned into a friendship which blossomed into a not so beautiful relationship. olivia felt like she fell more in love with jaxson than he fell for her. they moved in with each other within about a year of dating each other. her nights that she hoped for where they would stay in or go out together were dashed when he would ‘work late’ at the studio or just simply lie to her. within their time together, olivia gotten pregnant with their son. 

ashton dean king was born january 15th 2018. 

the once great love story turned sour when nicole helped olivia open her eyes to the truth of jaxson’s lies. every single one of them. therefore as ashton was still a newborn, olivia packed up both of their things and moved back to new york with her parents for about a month before moving to hidden hills after coming to an agreement to co-parent with her ex-boyfriend. although she was still deeply in love with him and the sight of him made her fill hurt, sick, disgusted, and just the love was still there. 

two years had passed, olivia was seeing someone else, a football player by the name of scout kessler. it wasn’t a relationship at all. no matter what everyone thought about it when they saw the two together. it was strictly physical and no emotions whatsoever. she did date other people, being romantically involved with a few men and was seen by the paps getting all cozy and cutesy while they went out on dates. one man and her were very cuddly during a double date out to the club. where she had no idea that her ex was there and witness olivia sitting in his man’s lap, kissing and touching each other. it caused something to pick a nerve in jaxson. 

the two ended up with a bumpy road finding their way back towards each other but ended up moving in with each other once more and creating a stronger relationship than before. 

ANNNNNNNND IDK WHAT ELSE TO PUT HERE SO LMAO

#hiddenhintros #THIS IS S H I T ! #im sorry for this lmaooo

[fcarher]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: slug / ellie     Age: 19       Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Yunaeisha Adynora, other demons from my lore Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Yunaeisha Current Fandom(s): None really  Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  Naruto, PKMN, Magi, Gangsta, OPM, MHA, Hazbin Hotel & currently working on an ATLA verse My language(s): german, polish, italian, english   Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: highschool, modern & fantasy/medieval

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: the best way is just to straight up approach me. most often than not, just liking a post is not enough because it’s too vague ?? like if i post an idea & you like that, i’ll still be hesitant when it comes to roleplaying or approaching you because, while i appreciate such gestures, i’m just too anxious. therefore, plopping into my IMs without a properly fleshed out idea is also fine ! it, at least, gives me the hint that you’re actively seeking interaction. however, just saying “i want to roleplay & plot !” won’t cut it; at least, have something in mind, please !

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  basic ideas & pouring their heart into plotting! i don’t mind waiting, at all, so if you’re busy, don’t worry about keeping me waiting; i completely understand since i’m also often busy with work or university. but !! please don’t only come to me with the statement: “i want to plot!” it’s not gonna cut it & it’s not gonna help with a proper interaction, at all. if i approach someone, most often than not, i have SOME sort of idea in mind. but yeah, being passionate is the most important thing!

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  most often than not, the conversation will die down because i will loose motivation; i don’t like it because i’ll feel like a bother & i shouldn’t feel that way when it comes to a hobby! therefore, one-sided plotting is one of my deal breakers; i usually end the conversation & there will be little to no interaction happening. like i said; i don’t mind waiting, i just hate that feeling of coming on TOO strong when my plotting partner delivers no input. 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  often than not, i start off with rather simple question like; are you interested in a certain verse ? do you already have something in mind ? if not, i will go through their about page & ask them things about their character & how that could possibly bring our characters to interact. sometimes, the about pages of a muse cannot give you every single bit of information; muses grow & change with each thread, therefore, it’s often better to just ask the people about their characters ! & from then on, it often just comes naturally. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread is not THAT important or vital for our character’s relationship; i don’t mind & won’t need to know if the thread is dropped. sometimes, if it’s a heavily plotted thread & i’ve anticipated the interaction a lot; i’d appreciate a quick heads-up from my partner that they’re not feeling that certain thread any longer; i don’t mind that !! - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: they don’t need to tell me; SOMETIMES, it’s just a nice gesture but most of the time, i don’t care, we can always start another thread !!

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  many things can lead to me dropping a thread; just losing motivation, having no muse for a certain genre or simply having the feeling that my partner is not liking it, any longer (ex. extreme lack of trying to match the reply length ). my health & my schedule can also, sadly, affect my motivation, so, more often than not, i tend to drop shorter threads & keep longer ones.  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  i get anxious really fast if people stop replying for a very long time, out of the blue. it has happened to me once before with a good friend with whom i have no contact with any longer due to miscommunication & them not trying to communicate the issue with me; therefore, yes, it is very important. i wanna know if something is bothering you; i wanna know if you like something very much; i wanna know what’s up ! we’re humans & we’re adults; we can talk about this.  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  yes ! as long as it is constructive criticism & not straight-up bashing my characters or lore; i’m all for it. i don’t mind hearing negative things; in fact, i appreciate the honesty & it gives me room to work on myself & my writing ! - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  building relationships that LAST & exploring my muses through & through; it is amazing how much yuna has grown through interactions with others; how different she has become from the yuna i once started out with; it’s almost been a year now & it’s just amazing. however, i’m not stopping anytime soon; THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO EXPLORE !! the ultimate goal is for me to just look at my blog & be completely proud of what i have accomplished & written; i want fleshed out relationships & threads; deep stuff !!

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  yuna talking with someone about her struggles; mentally & physically. being open about her abusive father & how it has traumatized her & painted men in the worst picture one could imagine. HOWEVER; a hard thing because i don’t want these things to be pre-est or something; i want a thread where there is struggling, screams, conflict ! it is rather hard to find someone, though, who is willing & fitting to go onto that long journey with me & yuna. also, i’d love to write about darker stuff; i love fluff, though, sometimes i sure want a bit of that, too. 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  the only things i won’t rp or explore are stated in my rules; ex. pedophilia, rape & really descriptive animal abuse. killing, torture, gore as well as cheating, heartbreak or toxic relationships are okay, while i do prefer to have a deeper bond with someone while exploring the latter & be communicating the whole time; i think these are really REAL topics & that’s why i wouldn’t mind exploring them because it does happen, more than one would like them to happen. however, if i see you, the mun, glorifying or romanticizing these; just no. 

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: i like everything with some sort of substance; i love short ones as much as long ones, nevertheless, you have to give me something to work with. yuna would ignore anyone not of any interest or value to her; therefore, if your muse just asks her random questions, the interaction will go nowhere. if you’re unsure; just ask !!

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: i love characters with uniqueness to them; it can be a certain interest, certain appearance or their species can be totally unique to them; i’ll love it ! i do have a thing for villains, though; always had, even when i was young 8^) so, dark, stubborn & “evil” characters catch my interest far more than a really nice muse who just is all smiles all day. i love a muse that can kick mine & yuna’s ass, basically. someone with strong morals or who is just really set on their beliefs can also offer conflict which i ADORE !! i need it; i live for it !!

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  really kind & unbothered muses who are self-sacrificing, perfect & loved by everyone for no reason ?? idk, i just think it’s bad writing. everyone has flaws; no one is perfect ! 

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  i am a very open person who will talk with you about anything & is keen on exploring our character’s relationship at all times & through all means; i often send my rp partners prompts in form of my yuna just being her dumb-self or through memes ! i will constantly think about our characters & will try to have them interact as much as possible. i am, most of the time, very active & respond to the threads fairly quickly ! if i am totally invested; you’ll get everything you want; a moodboard, an edit, a drawing, etc. i literally pour my heart & soul into every bond my muse has; i live for them. oh !! i also love asking people question about their characters; i just love learning new things about them !! 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m very slow out of character; i don’t approach muns a lot because i’m scared to be a bother, working on it ! i often ramble a lot & my writing can become a bit convoluted & hard to understand, i apologize ! i tend to not message people on discord as often as i’d like to; mostly because i’m really socially awkward or just don’t think that what i want to show to them is THAT important. i’m not as straight-forward as i wish myself to be; however, even with all that; i still have a lot of fun & am acknowledging & actively working on my weak aspects ! 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  often, it is because i want to develop the relationship or yuna’s character; she’s a very sexual being who hardly connects to someone emotionally; therefore, writing sex & exploring the vulnerability behind it can be really beautiful ! though, fun is also involved !  - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  non-consensual stuff is a no-go ! also, certain kinks that make me uncomfortable are also off the table; ex. anything involving bodily fluids other than spit. 

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  i love the conflicts the most; clashing ideals or just two stubborn muses arguing for the heck of it is really fun & can develop the relationship beautifully ! yuna is a person who likes someone that can be properly fought with, verbally here. but of course, i also adore the very soft moments!! i love meaningless fluff; it warms my heart.  - What is your smut tag?: SINFUL.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: nothing TOO drastic; a friendship, a rivalry is a-okay ! however, i’m very hesitant when it comes to having pre-est. romantic relationships; though, you can quickly change my mind if you pour your soul into the plotting; then i’m fine with it ! everything that needs time when writing also needs time when plotting; don’t just straight up jump into something if you’re not able to give it your all.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  i think yuna is a person with whom it is easy to form relationships with; it takes a bit of time but due to her rather drastic ideals & opinions; anything can be founded within seconds. she doesn’t hold back when it comes to her honesty & conflicts will arise. also, for all muses with demonic or deity backgrounds; being a daughter of the literal queen of hell, though, also harboring fragments of a god’s soul makes her unique in the supernatural world which can spark interest with your character or even they can develop an ill-will towards her ? i think it’s really interesting exploring what makes one work & go on & yuna has the philosophical potential to tickle that out of your muse; she question EVERYTHING. now for certain plots; one-sided love or even friendships are always really interesting, especially when she is the one having such feelings. other than that; she has enormous & dangerous powers; so if you’re into character or world-building; can offer that as well !

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:  humans; she doesn’t approach humans who are just kind & have nothing to offer for her, the least she’d do is have sex with them or kill them to harvest their life energy. i’m sorry but she really does hate all of humanity & to change that opinion ? man, you must be the most stubborn person ever.  - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  characters who are of supernatural or demonic nature; she’ll be very interested & even nosy to a point. also, very attractive characters who are not afraid to speak their mind; she’s really superficial most of the time & will flirt with anything that she deems good-looking. muses who have ideals that contrast hers or that are similar to her but also, generally, people who are open-minded. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  sex, parties, plants & flowers, astronomy, writing, demons & hell, the underground scene, killing, knives & playing the piano - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the questions that bother her the most are; why did her mother had to die ? why would nobody help her while she was being abused by her father ? why was she kept alive by her sisters ? is there love out there for someone like her ? what do these strange visions mean that occur almost every night ? she has a lot of things she wants to experience & wishes to have a normal life once she has killed her other mother, lilith, which is her ultimate goal, at the moment.  - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  their appearance; the scent of their blood & if it differs from humans; how they react towards her & what they do in front of her.  - What do they value in a person?:    strong opinions, loyalty, good looks, humor, strength (not limited to physical strength) - What themes do they like talking about?:  herself or the world & the state of it; she likes being philosophical with some, can often be somewhat self-centered; THOUGH; it is almost always for her to see how they would react to that. 

- Which themes bore them?:  love & drama; she does not care a lot for gossip or anything relating to it; the topic of love, no matter in which sense, is always brushed off because she just doesn’t find any appeal in it. 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  Being the reason her own mother committed suicide; Her father & sister abusing her all her life, spouting lies & beating her until she could stand no more while her other sisters would watch & do nothing, even though, they were supposed to support each other; laewa, one of her sisters, fancying the idea of killing yuna for the greater good; two of her best friends turning on her when they find out she’s not human & then being killed right in front of her eyes; her one & only boyfriend protecting her from a demon hunter & being killed in the process - What could possibly trigger them?:  loud sudden noises; making fun of her attachment to her late ex-boyfriend, being awfully nice to her, the sight of any dog or wolf, tender touches (esp. her back being touched), being alone with her thoughts for far too long  - What could set them off, enrage them?:  people who make fun of her & her powers; calling her a monster; not understanding her pain when she opens up; purposefully touching her back or any other scarred skin, being nosy  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  you are a demon hunter that does not show remorse when killing demons with a consciousness, trying to kill her, killing one of her comrades 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  Keela Adynora, Myra Adynora (Father, Sister), the other D.O.L.s, EYES’ superiors (the organization she works for), Humans, Lilith - Is there someone /-thing they love?:  Evelin Adynora (Her biological mother)

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: If you’re not quite human or are a demon, you could literally stand next to her & be silent; she’ll become curious on her own. other than that; be interesting or flirt with her; just do something that does not involve small talk; she hates that.  - Where are they usually to find?:  strip club (her workplace), bars, clubs, clearings within a forest, nice areas that are full of trees & plants; a roof-top

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  Yuna is basically pandora’s box personified; she may seem nice & attractive from the outside but within her are sleeping demons that only wait to be awakened. & withal, she is still a cutie who will become your number one supporter & protector if you manage to build a proper relationship with. it’s hard to get through that shell & what awaits is NOT that pretty but with years upon years of abuse, neglect & shit being thrown her way; it’s not easy being a carefree immortal. 

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar , i srsly love these so much, snow !! thank you for tagging me <3 i had so much fun 8′)  Tagging:  @thevvolf ; @nezumi-vc-103221 ; @empiia ; @dvojakyvlk ; @childrenxfthemoon ; @hensetsu​​ ; @goldempire​​ ; @animatedatrophy​ ; @talonness​ ; @shikkotsunin​ ; @wcrthlessanimal​ & anyone else !! 

#˗ ˋ † ᴏᴏᴄ ﹕ slug arrived ! #˗ ˋ † ᴅᴏꜱꜱɪᴇʀ ﹕ the things that were left in this life i call mine ! #( ajsjas u dont have to do this ofc !! bUT IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN!! ) #( also thanks again now !! i really liked this one 8) <3 )

[flossiehawkinss]

( EMILIA CLARKE + CISFEMALE ) — Have you seen FLORENCE ‘FLOSSIE’ HAWKINS? This THIRTY year old is a/an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER who resides in QUEENS. SHE/HER has been living in NYC for A YEAR, and is known to be ECCENTRIC and BUBBLY, but can also be STUBBORN and GULLIBLE, if you cross them. People tend to associate them with GIGGLES and BAD DANCING WITH RED WINE — ( gigi, 23, she/her, none, gmt)

hello beauts!!!! god, im so happy about this. floss is a char i created this year and i haven’t had a chance to play in a few months so im b u z z i n. 

im gigi, im from the UK. and i use this to generally escape and make some badass connections !!

under the cut is flossies bio + plots ! scroll down to the bottom to see some more detailed ones. but im all for friends / tinder matches / teacher friends / neighbours / drinking buddies / childhood friends (she’s from laaandan). anything that you see fit.

im probs gonna go to bed soon, but pls like this post and i will get back to u asap! or enter my IM’s their always open!!

FLORENCE ‘FLOSSIE’ LOUISA H A W K I N S

Age: 28

Birthday: 23rd March 1992

Parents: Mary Hawkins & Hector Hawkins

Occupation: Elementary School teacher/

Siblings: Frederick ‘Freddie’ Hawkins, Albert ‘Bertie’ Hawkins, William ‘Will’ Hawkins

Hometown: Streatham, London.

Parent’s occupations: Hector is a barber and hairdresser, Mary was a police officer until she was diagnosed with MD.

B I O G R A P H Y

{trigger: death}

Flossie was born in Streatham, London. Her father being a business owner, she lived quite well with holidays every year, and joining every club in school. She was extremely sporty and a tom boy at heart being raised with three older brothers.  At 13, her mother was diagnosed with Muscular Dysthrophy. In a year her mother fell apart infront of her eyes. Her father falling into a deep depression, and her brothers and herself having to care for both of them. She had witnessed a love story with her parents and this horrible disease ripping them apart.

Her mother died when she was 14. The Hawkin’s family determined to get back to normal, started fundraising for charities that helped families & people diagnosed with the disease, and happiness started coming back into their lives again. She is still not over her mothers death though and is still completely scarred from it.

After her A-levels, she studied a PCGE at Kings College and started working at London Schools as a teacher–Bright, bubbly, confident and passionate about children, this was the perfect job for Florence.

This is where she met Matt. Matt worked at the school she started working at after her studies and she fell in love instantly. She had never loved anyone really; only having a few short flings at University. After eight years of a relationship, a proposal, and wedding planning on the way, she honestly thought he was the one. Until, he cheated on her. Florence was heartbroken–she packed up her bags and began her teaching degree in the US.

She has been in New York for a year teaching at the same school in Brooklyn.

PERSONALITY

Flossie is highly eccentric. She likes making people laugh & smile and is highly positive. She is scared of commitment and has alot of friendships; but when anything becomes romantic, she does like to run away. She is scared of grieving and losing people, so she can come across a tad clingy when she wants. She is extremely will powered and wants to be a role model to other young women and girls.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

friendship-

her best judy (m/f/nb) - someone she goes too, always. Her best friend. They watch football games, get drunk, argue, laugh–and everything in between.

frenemies (m/f/nb)- Flossie is very optimistic so having one complete opposite would be hilarious. So this connection can be a playful, hate relationship. they think they don’t get along–but actually, they’re really good friends and will protect eachother to the end.

work friends (m/f/nb)- someone who works in the school sector

romantic-

(harry styles songs hehe)

cherry - florence and this person really did love eachother, but either one of them did the other wrong and they ended up breaking up. They still deep down love eachother, but either have an indifference or can’t really work.

golden- unrequited love. Flossie loves your character, but your character dosen’t realise. I PERSONALLY FIND THIS HEARTBREAKING but so fun to play.

all of the lights (female exclusive) - florence is exploring her sexuality, and she is definetely identifying as bisexual more openly,  but still not that open about it. I’d love to have a female x female relationship and play with it!

watermelon sugar- a good old friends with benefits/hookup situation. BUT, we could play with the idea of starting to get feelings for eachother HHEE SO FUN.

BUT ANY FRIENDS/ TINDER MATCHES/ FIB/ TEACHER FRIENDS/ DRINKING BUDDIES. IM SO UP FOR ANYTHING!

#codintro #HI GUYS #HELLO

[kkotseo]

—    BASICS.

▸     IS    YOUR    MUSE    TALL    /    SHORT    /    AVERAGE ? Seoah’s height is 164.7 cm. A running gag I’ve been keeping ever since the actual singer tweeted about it with so much pride since she grew a bit taller. Certainly, it must not be that exact measurement anymore, but one can let her muse dream about being slightly above average. For an Asian, of course.

▸      ARE    THEY    OKAY    WITH    THEIR    HEIGHT ? As aforementioned, Seoah is content with her height. She’s not too short, not too tall. There’s really no point in complaining about an unchangeable element of hers. She had done her best to grow as tall as she could.

▸      WHAT’S    THEIR    HAIR    LIKE ? High-maintenance. Due to her career, the experimentation with dyes and hairstyles is inevitable. Her hair succumbed so many colorations and bleaches that it won’t be a surprise of the damages gathered with time. However, Seoah makes sure to give the proper treatments and care so that her hair remains healthy and smooth. Not just by appearance. 

▸     DO    THEY    SPEND    A    LOT    OF    TIME    ON    THEIR    HAIR     /    GROOMING ? Yes and no. When it involves work, Seoah has her hair groomed by her hairstylist. She had spent many mornings at a salon. No way the number of visits will decrease anytime soon. Though, whenever she has calmer days, the singer ensures to give the proper treatment to her hair ( shampoo, conditioner, occasional hair mask, heat-resistance serum and blow-dry ), but no more. She usually just let her hair be or tie into a bun or a ponytail. Something quick and easy!

▸      DOES   YOUR   MUSE   CARE   ABOUT   THEIR   APPEARANCE   /   WHAT    OTHERS    THINK ? Again, yes and no. Yes, as a person belonging to the entertainment industry, appearances are very important. Seoah has debuted among idols and was seen as one for a long time. Surely, some do still see her as one despite her path took a different intersection than the one of idols. However, due to the innocent image she must keep as a marketing strategy from her previous company, it became quite a burden to break apart people’s expectations of her. It didn’t mean she didn’t succeed in doing so. And no, Seoah cares very little about what others think most of the time. She says what she has to say and will listen to varied opinions. She won’t let herself be someone else to please them though. She has dealt with hate ever since her debut. For being honest and confident, the opposite of how she appears to be. For being multifaceted rather than one-dimensional. For being too close or friendly with her male friends who have too many overprotective fans. She had many years of practice to get to this level of care. Doubt the unfairly unjustified hatred will stop someday too.

—    PREFERENCES.

▸     INDOORS    OR    OUTDOORS ? ▸     RAIN  OR    SUNSHINE ? ▸     FOREST    OR    BEACH ? ▸     PRECIOUS    METALS  OR    GEMS ? ▸     FLOWERS    OR    PERFUMES ? ▸     PERSONALITY    OR    APPEARANCE ? ▸     BEING    ALONE    OR    BEING    IN    A    CROWD ? ▸     ORDER    OR    ANARCHY ? ▸     PAINFUL    TRUTHS    OR   WHITE    LIES ? ▸     SCIENCE    OR    MAGIC ? ▸     PEACE    OR    CONFLICT ? ▸     NIGHT    OR    DAY ? ▸     DUSK    OR   DAWN ? ▸     WARMTH    OR    COLD ? ▸     MANY   ACQUAINTANCES    OR    A    FEW    CLOSE    FRIENDS ? ▸     READING    OR    PLAYING    A    GAME ?

—    QUESTIONNAIRE.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    OF    YOUR    MUSE’S    BAD    HABITS ? Seoah has little fear of expressing herself. Loud and clear. Her honesty caused her many misadventures and misinterpretations. People do enjoy playing with her words, cutting parts and reassembling them to how they feel just. Knowing where she stands in the world she works in, she despises how she’s put under the wrong spotlight for something inoffensive. Therefore, she will argue to get her thoughts through. She’s also stubborn which doesn’t help her case when there are times she must comply rather than hold her ground.

Another bad habit that contradicts the previous subject: concealing her burdens. There are personal matters that she suppresses behind her usual gentle smile. Even if she may mention them on a whim, even if she’s capable to speak about her heartbreaks and whatnot, Seoah purposefully reduces them to vague trivialities. Out of honesty, the general idea is out. Out of cowardice, the details are sealed. It may sound selfish for someone who comforts and listen to others’ troubles, who doesn’t want people to drown in their own misery. But to play pretend seems to be the easiest route to take to not worry anyone. And there’s this twisted belief that fake smiles will eventually become genuine. Her ruse will trick her someday and make her forget the pain she’d gone through.

▸      HAS    YOUR    MUSE    LOST    ANYONE    CLOSE    TO    THEM ?      HOW    HAS    IT    AFFECTED    THEM ? Her first love, her precious first dog and people from the music industry she believed close to them. The first loss was the fatal catalyst and the rest further deepened the lingering pain. She can’t say she grew numb of the desolate news and inevitable departures. Death is inevitable after all. Each their own lifespan, but that realization made the soloist felt emptier and lonelier with each people passing away, whether reaching their time or prematurely ending it. 

The old Seoah, the young innocent Junhee, believed in forever. She believed it strongly as her universe consisted of tales with happily ever afters. She was those little girls groomed with dreams formed behind pink shaded glasses. She was also those girls who only looked straight ahead, charging despite the obstacles, wielding her own armour, sword and shield. She believed in a lifelong relationship with her first love, built a world for just the two of them. She believed so naively that her life was set in stone back then. Only to crumble in front of her eyes without anything she could do about it.  

Now, Seoah does not believe in forever nor does she believe in long-lasting promises. It does not require death for people to just come and go in her life. And she’ll greet them all with a warm smile. She may not know how long their stay will be, but she’ll make sure they appreciate her existence even if brief. She knows it will hurt each time too. But that can’t be helped. Life has been cruel to her for a long, long time. However, it is precious and each new day should be spent with a smile.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    FOND    MEMORIES    YOUR    MUSE    HAS ?   Her childhood memories are usually the first to resurface whenever she feels the need to extract bits of happiness from the past. It’s a habit of hers now. For years, within the darkness of her apartment, her velvety voice reaching no one’s ears as she lets go of bottled up emotions through ballads. Sometimes, they are songs from the past, resuming the carefree days. Little Seoah would play to be many characters and creatures, goof around with her younger brother and burst into laughter. Those were the days. Other times, she’ll sing love songs to recall what it felt to be in love and be loved. Even if those memories had come to an end, they are reminders that there was once a time she was genuinely happy. She’ll hold onto them as to not forget. Not everything is sorrowful in this world.

▸     IS    IT    EASY    FOR    YOUR    MUSE    TO    KILL ? Absolutely not. Look at her and you’ll understand why.

▸      WHAT’S    IT    LIKE    WHEN    YOUR    MUSE    BREAKS    DOWN ? Quiet, rare and unpredictable. If there’s even a chance of someone finding her in that state, three causes are plausible: she’s very unlucky with the time, space and mood coming together to gather witnesses, she’s under the heavy influence of alcohol combined with a miserable predisposition or she has given up on pretending to be her usual happy self. Her breakdown does not come with a heads-up. You’ll see her growing abnormally silent, her smile barely holding itself. You’ll see her fight with all her might to prevent the upcoming disaster. Of course, bottled up emotions will tip over the lid, the fizz erupting like a volcano, loud and clear in her mind. The mental visual differs greatly from reality as you’ll see her cover her face, hurrying clumsily to curl herself into a ball at a recluse spot. If she may not have the time or strength to do that, her shaky hands will cover her eyes as cascades of tears silently fall on her worn-out expression. She’ll be in denial for a moment. She’ll try to maintain a smile and wipe away her tears at best. Eventually, she’ll surrender. She won’t be able to speak at all. Choked up words stuck on the back of her throat, there will only be sobbing. And a silent call for help.

▸      IS    YOUR    MUSE    CAPABLE    OF    TRUSTING    SOMEONE    WITH    THEIR    LIFE ? Yes, her family and a very few number of confidants. 

▸      WHAT’S    YOUR    MUSE    LIKE    WHEN    THEY’RE    IN    LOVE ?

There was once a time she would love with her entire heart. She would offer it to you without hesitation, her eyes holding the brightest constellations and meteor showers. She would give time and space for her lover, eager to prepare dates. She would chatter about how much she cared for him. She would get through sleepless nights to write songs for him or make something adorable as gifts. She would go on car rides with him to see the stars and have a quick getaway to the sea. Nowadays, she may not be as bold and shamelessly innocently romantic as she was back then. She may not hold the same galaxies within her dark orbs. Her desire to shower her significant other with love remains. Even if it means hiding the remnants of what she can still claim as her heart. Seoah will message her lover daily, send selfies and videos with filters. She will show her affection through hugs, cuddles and snuggles. Perhaps playful pecks occasionally. Kisses may come later, far later, when the fear of losing the chance of a budding romance to bloom falters. She will spare time in her agenda for him. That won’t change. She’ll come to him whenever she’ll be free. Stargazing, watching animes, drawing on each other’s arms and face and whatnot. Any moment is now considered too precious to take it for granted. And she’ll love in silence though she’ll soften at the sound of his name and hearing others speak positively of her boyfriend. She won’t say I love you as often as she used to. Though she’ll make sure to make them worthwhile when she’ll utter the three special words.

Seoah promises to love wholeheartedly when the time will come once more. But will she keep that promise when that truly happens? Who knows. She’s scared.

tagged by :  @thecosmicsen​ & @lavtiena​ ( thank you so much you two! ; u ; ) tagging :  @querenciant​, @daiseun​, @geumija​, @94lost​, @94vousmevoyez​, @automaticfurytaco​, @seonothajun​ & anyone who wants to do it ( if you have already done it, sorry for tagging you again! (ᗒᗣᗕ) ) !

#.supplements #.completed #tw. suicide mention #tw. death mention #( sometimes... i honestly wish to see my seoah in love once more ) #( but i know it will take a very loooooooooooooong time ) #( it got long as i kept typing ) #( OTL )

[kay-aceparagus]

I am a 28 year old asexual person. I have only learned about asexuality when I was 22. What is an asexual person? It is a person who does not experience sexual attraction or desires. There are different shades of asexuality. Some asexuals don't mind sex although, they find it being similar to doing a household chore. Whereas other asexuals would feel absolutely no interest in sex at all. A lot of people have told me that I will like or enjoy sex once I've tried it. The most common question I get asked is, "How will you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" Well here is the thing, I do not have any interest or desire to want to try it with myself or with another person. Does that make me abnormal? No. Some may view this as a 'phase' that I will grow out of or that I am a prude. I have always felt extremely dissatisfied whenever I explain myself to other people. It is a valid sexuality, it is not a disorder and it is not a choice to abstain from sex (unlike celibacy). It is simply an intrinsic feeling of having little or no sexual desires.   

Back in high school, when all my female classmates were talking about 'cute' boys. I would just look at the posters of the boys and thought that they're just boys. How do you mean cute? When does one define a boy as cute? Cute like a cartoon character or like a puppy? I have also always been a 'no-touchy' person. Physical contact to me is somewhat sacred and would only be present when there is something deeply special about my relationship with the other person. The immediate feeling I would have for a person who I find interesting is that I just want to Friend this person so hard. I want to know what are their thoughts, dreams, opinions, deepest insecurities, childhood stories, and favourite music. If I find myself liking this person, I would be more than happy to spend more and more time with this person and then eventually love this person. But my thoughts never ventured into things like what do they look like without clothes on? Or can we make out right now? I have always felt that making out is an awkward activity to do and a waste of time. I find more meaning in taking a nice stroll with this person and then we just talk about deep stuff. 

I only read up on asexuality after a friend told me that there is a community of people like me and they have website called AVEN (short for The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network). I felt a huge weight lifted off me after reading people's stories that so closely resembled mine! I was not the only one who is 'abnormal' or weird. It doesn't help when sex is so normalised in society. In Asian households, it is expected that once you are old enough to get married, the next step would be to have children. Another common question I get asked during family gatherings, "Do you have a boyfriend yet? When are you going to get married?". My usual reply would be, "No, I don't have a boyfriend and I don't think I will be getting married." To which they'd brush off saying, "Oh, you're still young, don't say that." 

Some asexuals don't identify as straight, bi or gay. I guess it would be slightly similar to being pansexual but just minus the sexual intimacy. Most of the time I just want people to view me as a person, period. I don't have to conform to the expectations of being a girl. I used to have long hair and for many years I did not want to cut it short for fear that I would succumb to becoming the stereotypical butch lesbian. That was during the time when I was questioning my sexuality and I had no idea about asexuality. I kept thinking, "Well, if I don't find boys cute then I guess I fall under the category of lesbian?" And as a Christian, I was having a huge internal battle with sexuality. What I learnt in the recent years is that asexuality is a sexual orientation on its own. I'm not straight, bi or gay; I'm asexual or sometimes I would just label myself as queer to make things simpler (umbrella term for anyone under LGBTQA+). I remember feeling exhausted after being out for a few hours with my hair down and a dress. I couldn't wait to go home to get back into my normal clothes and tie my hair up. I would get this really strange uncomfortable feeling that I still find it hard to explain. But it only happens when I'm 'girly'. It's not to say that I don't want to be a girl, it's just that after finally cutting my hair short, I finally feel like me. I'm not hiding myself from anyone anymore. 

I was around 14 years old when a a very young tennis friend noticed something about me. Every time I played tennis, I would wear my cap backwards. I felt very insecure about showing people what the 'real' me looked like with long hair. So I would only let them see my hair after I had my shower. And it was during that time when I was waiting for my hair to dry that my young friend said that she noticed that I was two very different people inside and outside my cap. I have never felt so naked before. But it was so true. I felt more like me with the cap than with my natural hair.  I felt like I was having long hair for other people and not for myself. Since cutting my hair, my father would ask me every time I come home for the weekend, "Why is your hair so short? You used to be so pretty with your long hair." Little does he know, that if I were to have long hair again, I would only be growing it out for him. And what is the point of that? What is the point of meeting other people's expectations at the cost of my happiness and inner peace? I understand that it would be difficult and heartbreaking for the other person such as my father to witness someone they love change their appearance so drastically. But it was years and years of questioning, pain and self discovery to finally come to terms with myself. 

I have never felt more like myself until recent years. And being a woman doesn't necessarily mean I have to have long hair, put on makeup and wear dresses. Nor does it mean that I have to end up being married with children. I just want to be me. Asexuality (or any type of sexuality) doesn't have a certain face, image or style. I'm just a person who happens to be asexual. 

#asexual #malaysian #asian #LGBTQ #pride #awareness #aces #aros #allos #sexuality #gender #nonconformity #AVEN #my story #asexuality #aspec community #identity

[portuscale-hq]

Megara | 27 | Flexible-->Wicked Nine | Souless

Realm: Enchanted Forest

Occupation: Con Artist

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: Up to player

FC: Kaya Scodelario

She is: Cunning-->Resourceful-->Compassionate

But is also: Cynical-->Manipulative-->Sarcastic

Based on Megara from Hercules

OPEN || TAKEN

It’s been a real slice ||

With a mother that was always in and out of relationships it was no wonder that the young girl grew up to be so cynical. Meg’s childhood was nothing short of exhausting. Her father up and left as soon as she had her third birthday. Just old enough to remember waking up to her mother sobbing on the couch about how men were nothing but heartbreak and misery. Though that never stopped her mother from continuously bringing men home to her young and impressionable daughter. Only for them to be out of their lives a few short months later and her mother sobbing on the couch once again. Until the day her mother became pregnant with her sister. The father was ecstatic and promised he would stick around. Of course, he lied and left the moment they found out the baby was a girl. Which was why when Meg turned fourteen she decided that men just weren’t worth her time. That, however, didn’t account for all the attention she would get from the opposite sex.

Meg was a beauty. Gorgeous from the way she held herself so confidently to the way she wore her hair. No matter what, she was a sight to see and the men in the surrounding area knew it. Sure, she would entertain the idea of a relationship with them but would cut ties before it really had time to blossom into something more meaningful. She had a system and it worked. But everything changed when she met him. He was suave and charming and knew all the right things to say. He rivaled Meg in her own game of wit and intelligence. In just a short time Meg was swooning and fell not only hard but fast. Of course, nothing was meant to last however. As soon as he had her wrapped around his finger he began to show all his red flags, waving them almost proudly. He was manipulative and controlling and very nearly abusive. Everyone told her that she needed to leave but when you see through rose colored glasses all those red flags just look like flags. Meg was convinced that he meant well and was still every bit of perfect as he was when they met. This, of course, costed her all her friendships. Rendering her alone.

But those rose colored were ripped off the night she came home to find him in bed with her baby sister. Meg was heartbroken and angry. Throwing out all his belongings and kicking him out then changing the locks. It took its toll on the headstrong woman and when the news rolled around that he had died in a car crash the following month, Meg couldn’t help but die a little bit with him. However, all her answers would be answered when she met a man named Hades in a bar that night. He told her that he had the power to revive her lost love from the dead and all it would cost her was her soul. Without a moment’s hesitation she shook his hand and the deed was done. Maybe now that she had saved him he would come back and realize what he had tossed away. But yet again he ran for her baby sister and a hatred arose within her.

Days turned to months and months to years. Still without a soul and forever bound to Hades, she followed him wherever he led. Eventually, he found roots in another realm separate from there own. Portus Cale seemed a nice enough place and when Hades told her to find allies for the side they had aligned with she couldn’t say no. Her job was to woo others to the wicked and see the light that they had to offer. Meg can’t help but feel as though maybe Hades has alternative motives living here though.

At least they would if I had any friends ||

Hades-->”I own you!”

Simple enough, he quite literally owns her soul. There is nothing that he says that she cane say no to. He says he wants their head on a platter and she says medium or well done.

Persephone-->Kindred Spirits

Despite being not even ten years apart, the two have formed a strange kind of bond. Meg still doesn’t like the other woman but she tolerates her. They were both more or less tricked into being stuck with the same man. Why not bond over it?

Paine and Panic-->Two sides of the same coin

More often than not Meg finds them to be rather annoying and sort of a pain in the ass. However, while she never really gets along with Paine, she tends to look after Panic as almost a little brother.

Morgana-->Soul Sisters

Neither of them really know how it happened but the formed a bond that really does bring a whole new meaning to blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb.

#hercules #meg #megara #kaya scodelario #disney #disney rp #disney rpg #disney roleplay #war rp #war rpg #war roleplay #wn #dark #dark rp #dark rpg #dark roleplay #mature rp #mature rpg #mature roleplay #rp #rpg #roleplay #taken #takenf #takenwn #takenfwn

[sparda3g]

Kimetsu no Yaiba Chapter 144 Review

This chapter left me feeling sad and then, thrilled. On one hand, it sucks to be Shinobu’s fan. On the other hand, it’s great to be Zenitsu’s fan. I remember not liking him that much back in his first introduction, but his developments and personality have grown on me. After witnessing a heartbreak, now it’s a good time for a rebound. This was another interesting setup with few interesting details that’s worth mentioning and others that are needed to build the next battle into an exciting one.

The building is a pain in the ass to Taijiro and the Pillars. It’s full of traps and tricks. It’s clear that it’s designed to separate each of them as much as it can. Although Shinobu wasn’t exactly the strongest, leaving one against any of the top 3 Upper Moon will be really difficult. Still, the labyrinth is annoying, like dealing with Dark Souls’ lairs, which is pretty much everything. It does make me wonder who will end up splitting up. Enough about that; we have a breaking news to bring tears to the fans.

For those who believe in a possible chance for Shinobu’s survival, it appears the mangaka doesn’t want us to feel hopeful. A crow appears and report to Taijiro and likely everyone else that Shinobu has died. Never trust the damn crow; it’s why they’re an enemy in Resident Evil. But seriously, it’s sad to hear the confirmation. I want to believe in a miracle, but of course, it hardly favors me. Taijiro is awestruck by the news; channeling our feelings. It pains me when he remembers her charm and smile, real or not; now, that’s no longer possible, bringing him to tears. Poor him. Rest in Peace, Shinobu.

It took me a while to realize why a crow is there, let alone having a paper covering its face. It’s revealed that the Ubuyashiki Family is around, fulfilling the roles left behind. They’re the one that coordinate the pinpoints and locations. I thought the twin sisters were the same one from earlier. Then I recall the family did have 5 children according to an omake. In other words, these kids are now in place, and the ones who died in the explosion are legit dead. That’s still pretty dark. Speaking of dark, there’s another round of interesting background of the Ubuyashiki.

Kiriya is the oldest in the family now, let alone oldest son. He’s only 8 years old. That is mighty young to fill in the role of a leader. When his family died, he didn’t mourn at all; not even a shed of tears. Call it cold, but he was raised and prepared to take in charge of the Demon Slayer Corps. His younger sisters, Kuina and Kanata, replaced the previous twins, who were older than them. Basically, the family is fully prepared to replace the lineage. That’s just crazy.

The father was strict and raised his children to adulthood right off the bat. That means they barely if not ever have any childhood memories to cherish. I understand the circumstance due to the father’s short life span and the family’s purpose, but it feels like hell being part of them. The mother was also strict, but there’s kindness in her. It’s probably their way to keep it “balance.” Bottom line, this family is hardcore to keep the “tradition” alive.

As the fans are uncertain on the future of the series, this arc is slowly building up the next generation. Shinobu is gone and Kanao, if she makes it out alive, can fill in her place. Kiriya is the new leader of the corps. This arc is practically a game changer event; we don’t know if there’s more after this arc. There’s a good enough evidence to suggest more materials, but time will tell. It’s confirmed that Muzan remains in the same place, which is good, only now we return to the last chapter’s cliffhanger. It’s a good segue from one family to another so to speak after learning more details on the family, but it’s about to get really personal.

The feud between Zenitsu and Kaigaku has escalated to bloodthirst vengeance quickly. I have never seen Zenitsu so pissed off until now; immediately, I take this scenario very serious. The two have word exchange on their recent status. This isn’t a friendly talk; it’s a talk before one of them takes the life of another. He couldn’t contain his emotion any longer, because this all ties in to his grandpa, who committed suicide because of Kaigaku.

It’s pretty dark to learn grandpa has committed seppuku alone in misery. Kaigaku indirectly caused him because he was so ashamed to have a child, who wield his teachings, becoming a demon. It’s like shattering his honor and heart; lost the will to live. What’s worse is seppuku requires a person to cut the target’s head off in order to spare the pain in a sense; no one was there to do so. That’s disturbingly sad. Already, I’m 100% behind Zenitsu after that tragic story. Clearly, he loved his grandpa wholeheartedly. To go beyond the percentage, Kaigaku is a bona fide asshole; not a damn remorse on grandpa’s soul.

He couldn’t care less; all he knows is he was turned down as his true successor. He became a demon because there’s a value in it; not a single regret. Once grandpa says no on naming him the successor, he doesn’t care anymore. Selfish prick. After the annoyance from that douchebag, believing he’s far above than Zenitsu, this is where the chapter picks up and delivers satisfactions.

I like how Zenitsu stopped venting in frustration, rather insult him hard about being a scum and a trash. The trigger is calling Kaigaku out about knowing everything but first form, essentially calling him a pathetic successor. That is satisfying. What’s even more satisfying is his follow-up. Kaigaku is going all out with one attack Distant Thunder, Fourth Form mind you, yet Zenitsu only takes a normal swing and still cut that scum like nothing. Zenitsu is already making his you know what, and rightfully so. Zenitsu has become a certified badass with great comeback and the sequence really makes him the man. The battle has escalated to an exciting serious personal grudge match.

This was an interesting chapter. It was heartbreaking to learn Shinobu’s death confirmation and the reactions towards it. It was interesting yet eerie in a way to learn more about Ubuyashiki Family. The best part was with Zenitsu and Kaigaku, with the former portraying a real badass, out for vengeance. The visual is solid and it helped a lot for the last segment. I can’t wait for this upcoming battle. It’s going to be so sweet for Zenitsu to get his payback and after the last battle, we need this. A lot.

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #chapter 144 #review #spoilers

[agustdomain]

Steal My Heart Away

Synopsis: It seemed it was time heartbreak sought you out, yet it was unexpected that the boy who stole your heart would deal you that painful hand. 

Word Count: 17 k

Genre: Angst 

Warnings: Language, mentions of underage drinking

Member: Hyunjin, ft. Mark lee and Donghyuck as best friends

A/N: This is a different universe from Running Circles Through My Mind, so this is not the same Hyunjin from that work! Nonetheless, hope you enjoy! Also this isn’t entirely edited, so my apologies if some of the errors are atrocious!

PART TWO

10:21 pm and your head was in the clouds.

More specifically, there was something in particular that had been plaguing you for the last few hours. A fatal flaw of yours would definitely be your tendency to overanalyze. Often, your best friends pointed out how much you would get stuck on things, overthink, and proceed to overwhelm yourself. You couldn’t blame yourself though, there was too much surrounding you and there were too many things to experience; how could they not expect you to analyze?

Here you were now, three hours after hanging out with your friends, and your best friend’s words still plagued your thoughts. It had been a simple enough night. Your four best friends and you had decided to hit up a diner after school, sitting around and chattering about whatever sprung to mind. Nancy was quiet as usual, not speaking up too much but whatever she said held some weight. She was the nicest out of you all, but if she did happen to show her shady side, it was mostly directed toward Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, the loud and boisterous one of your little clan. He was definitely sassy and shameless, and you happened to admire how confident he was in himself. He hardly ever showed a vulnerable side to himself, especially to you. You had yet to witness it firsthand, and you were unsure you would ever get to see it. After all, he loved putting on a show for anyone near, and he would hate to be perceived as someone other than his exuberant and dramatic self.

The other male counterpart of the group was none other than your childhood friend, Mark. Well, you weren’t sure if fifth grade counted as ‘childhood’, but you liked to constantly bring up how the both of you knew each other the longest. Without Donghyuck around, he was calm and- daresay- mature. However, if Donghyuck was around, a brighter version of himself was brought out. Sometimes it was a lot to handle, but you adored the two boys and wouldn’t trade out their personalities if ever given the opportunity. Mark was the friend that you went to if something was bothering you, or if something too personal to share with the group was plaguing you. For as long as you could remember, he was one of the only people you confide in about nearly everything.

Your remaining friend was the drop dead gorgeous Tzuyu- who Donghyuck liked to jokingly call Chewy, with an emphasis on how her name sounds exactly like a certain Star Wars character. At first glance, your stunning friend seemed shy and quiet. But around you and your friends, she was just as bold as Donghyuck. She was passionate and stuck up for what she believed in, and she always lifted everyone up. She was definitely someone who you loved having around, and throughout your four years of high school she had became an essential friend.

Some of your other peers had often pointed out that the five of you, upon first seeing the group, seemed like an odd little clan. The troublemaker Donghyuck, the mature yet popular Mark, bookish and charming Nancy, model-like athlete Tzuyu- and you, a supposed ‘theatre queen’- were a clan that seemed… unusual. But when looking past the surface, it all made sense. Donghyuck and Mark were two peas in a pod, doing everything from tying their laces for one another and crazy handshakes together. Tzuyu was a big sister and a life of the party all in one. Nancy was the sense of the group, reminding you all to take it easy, and holding a lot of wisdom behind her gentle eyes and voice. You were a listener, being the group’s backbone and offering up advice if necessary. All of you played an essential role to the dynamic, and it had been that way all of your high school career. Four years later, and things were the same.

On this particular day, the same day that led to you drowning in your thoughts, plenty of different topics had bloomed across the confined diner table. The previous topic had been upcoming finals in a few weeks, and Mark’s bummed out nature caused Donghyuck to try and liven the atmosphere by his senseless rambling. Eventually, Tzuyu had cut him off and started talking about an upcoming cross country meet that she had and how her time had been improving recently.

“That’s good to hear, Chewy. I bet you’re smoking all of them out on the track,” Donghyuck said distractedly, dunking one of his fries into ketchup.

Tzuyu sighed exasperatedly. “That’s like the third time you’ve said that whenever I bring up cross country.”

He looked up, his eyes wide as he was caught red-handed before his voice became shrill in defense, “It’s not my fault! You’re always talking about your running time improving! What else am I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know! But all you show me is that you don’t care whenever you say the same things over and over again.” Nancy and you looked at each other in question, noticing it was unlike Tzuyu to get so worked up over whatever Donghyuck says, especially this soon in the conversation.

“My bad. I didn’t know it meant that much to you,” Donghyuck huffed out, scrolling through his phone and signalling he was done. That was also unlike him, because he tended to be the problem starter and loved to pick arguments. You looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering what their problem was, before reaching for your milkshake and taking a drink.

“Guys. I need some advice,” Mark’s nervous voice grabbed your attention, your gaze falling on your anxious friend beside you. He was fiddling with his plate, twisting it back and forth and avoiding eye contact.

“What’s up? Are you okay?” You asked him, reaching out and squeezing his arm in comfort before continuing to eat your food.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just-” He cleared his throat, seeming to figure out how to word whatever he was going to tell you guys. He had everyone’s full attention now, considering it wasn’t often you got to see something besides Mark’s calm and collected nature. “I’m thinking of doing something that I haven’t done before… but I’m not sure how to…”

“Well? What is it?” Donghyuck pestered, and you reached out to smack his upper arm lightly before turning back to Mark.

“Do you guys… remember Yerim?”

Ah, it all clicked to everyone now. All of your faces lit up in realization, and you couldn’t help but smile uncontrollably at his words. You were aware of Mark’s crush on Yerim, in fact you were aware of it longer than anyone else. It had developed back in sophomore year, when you and him had a class with her and fate had worked its magic, placing the three of you and someone else at a table together for an entire semester. You witnessed firsthand how the boy who everyone labeled as a guy with no romantic bone in his body, fell apart at the sight of his crush.

Yerim was an ideal girl, at least to you. She was stunning, of course, with short hair that suited her very nicely. Back when Mark and you had met her, her hair had been long and fell down her back like she was some runway model. You remembered the day she came to school with her hair cut short, mostly because Mark couldn’t shut up about it. It was last year that he officially made a statement about his feelings to the group. You had been so proud, exclaiming that you knew about his crush, and he had merely shrugged it off. It had been months of Donghyuck trying to convince him to act on his feelings, but Mark only rejected the idea. His excuse was that they were both too different and that they had different goals in mind after you all graduated. You knew that his real reason was that he wasn’t confident in himself. It’s a shame, because you were aware of how phenomenal he was. Hell, you knew him since you were ten years old, and that was eight years ago. But it seemed the tides had shifted, because there Mark was, asking if you remembered Yerim.

“Of course we remember her,” Nancy softly spoke up.

“Yeah,” Tzuyu said pointedly, “All you did was fawn over her for like eight months.”

“And then you stopped talking about her altogether after she started dating that Renjun guy,” Donghyuck added, and you all noticed Mark’s face become uncomfortable at the thought.

“Well, that’s not why I’m bringing her up!” Mark burst out, seeming on edge. You were slightly worried, but you just waited for him to open up. That’s just how he was; you needed to give him time and he would open up to you about what’s bothering him. “The thing is, her and I have gotten pretty close these last few weeks. And I’ve gotten a vibe from her that she might like me back? But she’s given me nothing to work with and I don’t want to make myself look like an idiot if I’m reading into this wrong.”

Donghyuck threw his head back and groaned. “Are you seriously going to sit there and be a chicken again? You’ve had so many chances to confess to her yet you never take it! How are you supposed to know if Yerim likes you if you don’t let her know how you feel?”

Mark rubbed the side of his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, I don’t want to ruin what we have-”

“Bullshit. You’re just scared. As usual.”

“Shut up, Hyuck. That’s not true,” Mark denied, seeming flustered. You had to admit, you felt the same way as Donghyuck, but you knew you had to word it differently or else you would rub Mark the wrong way.

“Mark, he has a point,” You held your hand up to stop him from interrupting, “But I understand you. Your fear is valid. These sort of situations are one of the most scariest things to deal with, because these are feelings we talk about. It’s a risk that so many people aren’t willing to take. And for as long as I’ve known you, no one has had this effect on you like Yerim has. So the real question is, do you think she is worth taking a risk on?”

He swallowed, his eyes staring into your eyes with nervousness before he uttered, “Of course.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

“It sounds easy when you word it like that. But it’s easier said than done,” Mark pointed out. He leaned his head back on the booth seat, looking genuinely afraid at his thoughts. It made you a little sad, knowing there was no way to ease his worries. This was a battle he would have to fight on his own. It was up to you and your friends to be there for him if it didn’t work out.

“Mark, obviously we can’t tell you what to do, but I think you should give it a chance. You’ve liked this girl forever, and I see the way you talk about her. I haven’t seen anything like it,” Tzuyu’s tone took on a sad quality, and you definitely didn’t fail to notice, “And because of that, you should seriously consider giving it a chance. You never know how she feels unless you ask. And if you don’t take that risk, then you’ll always be plagued with the ‘what if’.”

Nancy nodded, dabbing at her lips with a napkin before clasping her hands over the table. She gave Mark a once over, causing you to do the same. He looked so bothered but checked out, as if Yerim had already went and rejected him. You didn’t think his fear would come true, but you definitely understood his doubt.

“Think about it all before making an impulsive decision. Don’t let what we tell you affect the choice you choose. This is all about you, how you feel, and what feels right. If in the end, you think it’s best that you remain friends, then we’ll support you. If you decide to tell her how you feel, we’ll be there for you. But don’t let this eat at you. You’re too young to have gray hair,” Nancy threw in the little comment to lighten up the atmosphere, and she succeeded. The tense air faded away, Mark expressing his gratitude before the topic changed. You were definitely proud of the friends you had.

It wasn’t until you were leaving that Donghyuck had grabbed your attention. “Hey Y/N. I got a question for you.”

“I’m all ears,” You responded, walking on the edge of the sidewalk as you all headed in the directions of the cars. Donghyuck walked alongside you, falling quiet for a moment, before pulling you to a stop and leaving you mildly confused.

“I don’t know how to word this. Hm,” Everyone stopped, eyes on Hyuck as he tugged at his ear in thought. He proceeded to shrug before he bluntly asked, “What’s up with you and Hyunjin?”

His question led your mind to draw a blank. You felt your lips part, your eyes widen, and oddly your heart start to race. Your friends’ eyes were all trained on you, and you couldn’t find the words. You finally settled with, “He’s just a friend. An acquaintance, to be more accurate. ” Before realizing how unfamiliar your voice sounded.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Donghyuck scoffed. “Have you been hiding something from us?”

“No. I’m confused as to why you’re attacking me.” You finally recovered from his sudden question.

Donghyuck waved his hand dismissively and smacked his lips. “Only people who hide things feel attacked when asked a simple question.”

Mark stepped forward and clasped Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Dude, relax. If Y/N wanted to tell us something, she would.” You flashed him a grateful smile, but Tzuyu chimed in and caused your heart to race even faster.

“Although I’m a little curious now. Who is Hyunjin?”

“It’s a guy in our Anthropology class. Him and Y/N used to sit together. They’re just friends,” Nancy said with finality, pushing her circular rimmed glasses up the bridge of her note before walking to her car.

You exhaled a breath of relief before following after Nancy towards the passenger side. You heard Donghyuck without having to turn to him, because his words rang clear in your ears. “You talk about Mark being scared to take a risk? The pot calling the kettle black…”

You were silent as you sat beside Nancy, waiting for Tzuyu to finish up her conversation before sliding into the back of the car. She was the designated DJ, and put on one of her personal playlists. Your mind couldn’t focus, though, Hyuck’s words having more of an impact on you than he would ever realize.

Because he may not have known it, but he had hit the nail right on the head.

Truth be told, at the beginning of senior year, you wouldn’t have expected to fall for a guy like Hwang Hyunjin. You still remember standing alongside the edge of the classroom, awaiting the teacher to assign you seats. You remember feeling ticked off, because you were seventeen years old and still getting assigned a seat like you were a kid. Your teacher had called your name before his, tapping your desk that happened to be in the dead center of the room. You had begrudgingly walked over, hoping you would miraculously get to sit with Nancy. That day, miracles were not in favor of you- or so you thought at the time- because she had called Hyunjin’s name instead.

You had watched in mild exasperation as his lanky figure maneuvered his way through the classroom, greeting some of the people he passed with a smile. He was sporting a long-sleeved white shirt and shorts, as casual as could be, and you knew that you were screwed the moment he sat down. But no, not because it was a love at first sight sort of thing. Because he was a pretty boy, and at the sight of his smile you noticed all of your female classmates start to whisper. You had thought to yourself that it would be a long semester.

You had known of him, but never officially met him. Donghyuck had done baseball with him back in sophomore year, and both him and Hyunjin were the only sophomores to make the varsity team. You remembered going to some of Hyuck’s games, and how Hyunjin was easily a crowd favorite with his powerful hits and the way he glided across bases like he was skating instead of trying to make it to home base.

Whatever it was, you had not expected him to be the way he actually was. You had expected him to be like a typical pretty boy, annoying and uptight, and act like he ruled the world. But from the beginning, it wasn’t like that. He was super quiet at first, only talking when the teacher assigned partner work. His voice was low when he spoke quietly, but raised in pitch if something even slightly excited him. His hair was a neat brown sweep across his forward, sometimes parted stylishly but mostly resting as if he didn’t bother to do anything with it. He was tall, too tall for the tiny desks you were forced to sit in, yet he always sat straight.

Another perception of him that you were completely wrong about was that he would slack off, and he proved that wrong rather quickly after first meeting him. He would finish assignments the day after they were due, even though the teacher gave you a week to complete it. You remembered feeling astonished, wondering how he did it because sometimes the assignments were lengthy. And you remembered when you became impressed with his insightful nature, always having something meaningful to say- even if it was about something unrelated to class. Sometimes, he would voice his opinion if one of your classmates said something he didn’t agree with or happened to be unnecessarily rude. A big part of you wondered when your crush had developed, because maybe it had been after the first time you made him laugh, or the first time he made you laugh. Maybe it was the combination of his leg brushing yours underneath the desk during class, or your hands accidentally touching because of the cramped space. Maybe it was his ridiculous nicknames he would give you based on what you were learning in class. Or maybe it was because he made it a daily tradition to walk you to your next class even though his own was in the opposite direction. Whatever it was, you were guilty just like Mark. You had feelings you had no intentions of acting upon any time soon.

“Since the guys aren’t around, I think it’s safe to say we can have a more personal talk,” Tzuyu announced, before lowering the volume of the music. You dreaded her words because you knew what was coming. “Tell me about this Hyunjin guy.”

Nancy never looked away from the road, but her voice was powerful enough to make it feel like she was looking at her with shame. “Stop, Tzuyu. If she doesn’t want to talk about him, don’t pressure her.”

“No it’s okay. It was bound to come out some time, right?” You said, inhaling slowly before you felt your stomach drop in realization. “Wait a minute. How does Donghyuck know about Hyunjin?”

Nancy glanced you in confusion. “What do you mean? You’ve never told him about Hyunjin?”

“No! I mean, he knows him because of baseball. But how would he know about my feelings?” Your panic settled in, wondering if you stared at Hyunjin too much in class, laughed too much at his jokes, said something too suspicious. If it got back to Hyunjin, what if he got too uncomfortable to talk to you? To be fair, it was the second semester and you weren’t seat partners anymore. But he still talked to you whenever he could. And though you wouldn’t call yourself his friend, you still talked on a regular basis because of class.

“Don’t panic, okay? Maybe you let it slip around him or something?” Tzuyu offered. You immediately shook your head.

“No, because I don’t talk about Hyunjin. My little crush on him is practically a myth considering how secretive it is. I have to call him.” You tried and tried to call Hyuck but he ignored your calls. You wanted to scream. You felt like the guy with the biggest mouth knew your darkest secret. But you told yourself to calm down, and trust that Donghyuck wouldn’t spill something you hadn’t even confirmed to him. He was one of your best friends, after all.

“Just calm down. Nothing is going to happen, okay?” Nancy comforted you, and you knew you had no choice but to just let it go. Besides, there was no harm done. It’s not like you announced your feelings for the guy. In fact, Donghyuck had assumed it and you hadn’t even confirmed it. And if worse came to worse, if it somehow got back to Hyunjin, you would come up with something to save yourself. You didn’t want the guy to hate you.

Right as the three of you pulled up in front of Tzuyu’s house, she paused in moving to get out the car, simply saying, “You must really like this mystery guy.”

“Why do you say that?”

She shrugged before responding, “You know how I said I’ve never seen anything like how Mark looks when he talks about Yerim? Well, I saw that same look in your eyes when Hyuck mentioned his name.”

You wanted to question what she meant by that, only remembering feeling panic when Donghyuck had called you out, but all you could think about was how Hyuck was right. You had no room to talk about Mark not acting on his feelings, because it had been over a semester of school and you had kept your lips sealed about how you felt about Hyunjin. All that you were confused about, was how Donghyuck knew about your feelings.

And here you were, 10:22 pm and wondering where you had gone wrong. Donghyuck had never called back, and you were drowning in your tendency to overanalyze matters. You blamed yourself, figuring it was your fault that Donghyuck knew about Hyunjin. You didn’t even interact with Hyunjin enough for the crush to be more than a crush, but a startling fear hit you that maybe everyone knew. If Hyunjin knew, would he ignore you? Was he going to ignore you on Monday in Anthro? Would he laugh if he found out about your crush? Your thoughts were stressing you out, so you blindly reached out for your phone on the bedside table in the dark. Seeing a message notification from a few different people, you sighed as you saw that none of them were Donghyuck. Your eyes found an unknown number had messaged you, causing you to draw your eyebrows together in question. Clicking the message, you saw that it was delivered around twenty minutes ago.

Unknown:

Hi… Is this Y/N?

You contemplated not answering, but your curiosity was piqued.

You:

Who is this?

You didn’t expect a reply any time soon, so after staring at the phone for a little too long, you tossed it aside and pulled out your laptop. You logged on and decided to watch a show you had recently gotten into, quickly growing distracted from the odd day that you had. After a few episodes, you realized it was midnight and you hadn’t checked your phone for a while. Your heart jumped upon seeing a message from the unknown number. The feeling drastically changed as your heart  felt like it was trying to crawl out your throat as you read the text.

Unknown:

Probably should’ve started off with that… It’s Hyunjin. Sorry to randomly message you, especially considering you weren’t the one to give me your number. I know how Donghyuck and you are close, so I just asked him earlier today.

You stared at it for a moment, your heart rate spiking as you watched another message come in, even though the last one was sent a while ago. It meant he was still thinking about what to say, even after all this time has passed.

Unknown:

There’s a number of reasons I wanted your number. The main one is that you know how in Anthro, the midterm was announced and how we need to pick a partner? Hah… I just remember how much I enjoyed doing projects with you last semester. I know we don’t talk often, and feel free to reject my proposition, but we work pretty well together and you’re cool so… if you’re down, we should work together.

You hoped he would explain his other reasons for messaging you, but nothing else came in after that. Your heart raced as you typed out a response, erased it, rewrote another one, then repeated the process. You couldn’t believe this was happening, but you gave yourself a reality check. He viewed you as a good partner, an acquaintance at the most, and you weren’t going to let your petty crush ruin the relatively good bond you had with your classmate. He was a great guy, but you wouldn’t let that sway your decision.

You:

Hey Hyunjin! It’s nice to hear from you. Yes, this is Y/N haha. I would love to work with you for the midterm project. Just let me know when we should start brainstorming. What I said last semester stands, you were the best anthro partner I could’ve asked for! So I’m glad I get another chance to have you as a partner (:

Hyunjin:

Haha I second that. Anthro just hasn’t been the same since we switched seats. Who else is going to laugh with me at random things and let me tell them my cool stories? No one! My partner is, no offense, pretty lame. All he does is shush me.

You:

You’re telling me! I sit with Renjun! He’s… something else. I mean, he’s funny. But definitely not as funny as you.

Hyunjin:

I should be nominated as the senior class clown.

You:

That’s a little far-fetched.

And without realizing it, you messaged him for a few more hours, until it was so late that you could barely keep your eyes open. You sleepily thought to yourself that it seemed a friendship was starting, and you wondered to yourself if this was what you wanted. Did you want Hyunjin as a friend, or would you forever be sentenced to a crush on him that had yet to disappear? Maybe confessing and getting rejected is what you needed. But before you could ponder it further, you had knocked out.

The following week, the school day had already ended and you were just about ready to crash when you got home. Mark and Donghyuck wanted to go grab an ice cream cone before they had to work on a project together, and they offered to treat you. Ice cream was your weakness, and even though your tiredness told you to decline, your love for the sweet won the battle. So after the final bell, you scurried out of class and made a beeline for where Mark told you to meet him.

As you walked, music trickling in through your headphones and blocking out the chatter surrounding you, your mind crossed to Hyunjin. That wasn’t uncommon these days, because outside of the project you guys were slowly working on, a friendship had began to blossom. Much like that first night, you had mixed feelings about creating a friendship with him, but he was too alluring to resist the urge. Besides, you only had about two and a half weeks to finish up the project, present, and then probably stop messaging. You wrote off his kindness and friendliness as a way to maintain a good bond throughout the project work.

What was nagging at you though was although he said he reached out to be partners for the project, you guys hadn’t spoken much about the project itself. There had been one conversation where you guys messaged back and forth brainstorming ideas about what you could potentially make the project about, but that was it. It confused and slightly worried you. Not only that, there had been no talk of meeting up or even splitting up the criteria needed for the project. You decided you would bring it up next time you guys messaged.

Although you guys were on friendly terms, and texted almost everyday, there wasn’t much leeway to talk during class. Since you guys didn’t sit together anymore, and there was always a lesson plan, there was never time to talk. And the one time Hyunjin attempted to talk to you during class, he got scolded. The teacher also emphasized how there wouldn’t be much class time to work on the project and to utilize the time you were given wisely. You just hoped Hyunjin would prove to be a worthy partner in the days to come.

Your thoughts of Hyunjin halted as your music was cut off by your phone ringing. You pulled your phone out to see Mark’s name and answered without letting it ring too much. “Hello?”

“Y/N! Homie! Where are you?” The sound of Donghyuck’s loud voice blasting through your headphones made you wince. You lowered the volume of the call before you responded.

“I’m on my way to the front of the building. Mark told me to meet him there. Why didn’t you just call me from your phone?”

He was chewing on something, that much was clear. You were constantly being reminded of his bad manners over phone calls every single time he called. You heard him finish up chewing before he said, “Because my phone died. But anyways, don’t meet us there! Meet us at his car.”

You felt your eyes widened. “But he parks off campus! Far away, might I add!”

“Yeah, well, we’re already here.”

You were about to argue but you heard Mark in the background say, “Who are you talking to? Why are you on my phone?” Before a struggle seemed to ensue. The next voice you heard was none other than the owner of your phone. Thankfully he had a softer and quieter voice, at least over the phone he did.

“Y/N! Hey. Why did Hyuck call you?”

“He said to meet you at your car?” You said monotonously, sounding displeased with the idea. You couldn’t help it. The truth was, it was about a ten minute walk, which wasn’t too bad. But you were already tired and considered taking this opportunity to cancel. Mark ultimately silenced your thoughts.

“Don’t listen to him. Yeah, we’re almost at the car actually. We got let out of class early. But I figured we would swing back and pick you up. You cool with waiting a couple minutes?” It was like music to your ears. You wanted to plant a big kiss on Mark’s face for being such a sweetheart.

“Sounds like a plan,” Your voice came out tiredly, but you were grateful. “Thanks, Mark.”

“No problem. See you in a few.”

You walked off campus, leaning up against the fence that surrounded the school. You let the music wrap around your mind and cloud your thoughts, tapping your fingers on your thigh to match the bass of the song playing. Shuffling in your position, you glanced at all the people leaving the school, others waiting around you. Your mind vaguely registered that the baseball team players had slowly but surely started walking out the school and heading to their cars. You watched them in mild amusement, wondering to yourself why the baseball team all parked their cars together. Was that something they thought made them look cooler, or was it based on convenience?

The sound of your name made your vision shoot to the side, where the gate’s entrance was located, and you felt your heart jump at the sight of Hyunjin standing there in his baseball gear. You would never admit it aloud, but he looked absolutely breathtaking in his uniform. That made you feel a little embarrassed, but you constantly heard Tzuyu declare, ‘Uniforms work wonders on guys. Sometimes makes them more better looking than they actually are.’ You used to think that was ludicrous, but seeing Hyunjin now made you think twice.

He waved his hand at you and muttered something, but because you still had your headphones in, you hadn’t heard him properly. Pulling them out, you said, “Sorry, what was that? I didn’t hear you.”

The friendly smile on his face had faded a little by this time, but that was usually what happened. He was a friendly guy, always finding reasons to smile. At the same time, he had an equally serious expression that was his default face. You constantly observed him jump between both of his signature expressions. He stepped closer, adjusting the hat on his head. You had never seen him wear a baseball cap, and you decided right then and there it suited him well. Even though you weren’t sure how great of a player he was these days- you still assumed he was as great as he was sophomore year- his appearance could definitely fool you into believing he was the best player.

“I said, you waiting for a ride?”

“Yeah, actually. Mark is coming to pick me up.”

Hyunjin’s face lit up in realization before his eyebrows furrowed in question. “Isn’t he still in school?”

You just shook your head and slightly laughed. “Yeah, he got out early today. So he decided to run to his car before swinging back and picking me up. Saves me the trip, fortunately.”

Hyunjin nodded in acknowledgement, his eyes trailing to one of his teammates who was shooting him an impatient look. It was obvious he had somewhere to be, most likely a game, but he was hovering as if he had something he wanted to say. You pretended not to notice his hand signal to his friend, signalling him to wait a moment, before he turned his body back to you.

Adjusting his bag slung across his shoulder, he licked his lips in thought before saying, “So, Y/N, I was thinking-”

The sound of Mark’s high-pitched car horn cut through his words, grabbing the both of your attention as Mark and Hyuck pulled up in front of you. Hyuck leaned half his body out the window and shouted, “Get in, bitch! We’re going shopping!” You shot him an angry look, not knowing whether to hit him or praise him for quoting the movie that he always denied that he loved. Mark decided for you as he watched him lean over and punch him. It seemed like it was a hard punch too, because it was enough for Donghyuck to pull himself back into the car and start bickering with him.

Hyunjin chuckled awkwardly, “Wow, uh, I forgot how… colorful he is.”

“That’s Hyuck, alright. He sucks.” You jokingly commented before reaching down to grab your backpack off the ground. “Duty calls. What were you trying to say earlier?”

You watched with curious eyes as he bowed his head and let a tiny smile appear on his lips before turning serious again. Typical Hyunjin. He looked up at you then, waving his hand dismissively before saying, “Just project stuff. We should officially decide on our topic soon. Then start working on it.”

Relief filled your heart at the words, a smile gracing your lips as you walked towards the car, your eyes still on him. “Yes, definitely! We can talk more about it tonight.”

Hyunjin’s teammate finally had enough, telling Hyunjin to ‘hurry his ass up’ but it didn’t deter Hyunjin at all. You simply shook your head, opening the door before calling, “Good luck at your game!”

He nodded, waving once before saying, “See you tomorrow!”

Sliding into the car, you met Mark’s and Donghyuck’s curious gaze before asking, “What?”

Donghyuck smirked. “What was that all about? Was he asking you out on a date? Did you finally confess? Did you-”

“No, no, what’s your problem? We’re friends! And we’re partners. We were just talking about our project.”

Donghyuck threw his head back in exasperation. “I swear, if I have another Mark on my hands, I’m going to punch myself.”

Mark exclaimed, “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“It means you still haven’t confessed to Yerim and I think it’s going to be your only regret on your death bed.”

Mark turned his attention to starting the drive, but his response was, “No, I have more regrets than that. One of them being your friend.”

Donghyuck smacked his lips and seemed to prepare himself for another argument, but before he could respond, you said, “Wait a minute. Hyuck, not so fast. I want to know how you knew about my crush on Hyunjin.”

His expression turned to one of shock, before guilt, then feigned innocence. “Just intuition.”

Mark bluntly said, “I call bullshit.”

“Me too,” You agreed.

Donghyuck pulled out the theatrics, his face displaying shock as his voice raised an octave. “What are you trying to say? That I can’t possibly be attentive and pick up on my friend’s hidden feelings?”

“You’re pretty dense, man. About certain things, at least,” Mark offered up.

“Shut up, Mark! Not about this! I know you guys better than yourself sometimes! You didn’t even have to tell me about Yerim and I knew the moment you mentioned her for the first time!”

Before an argument would spark up, you raised your hands before saying, “Okay, so what gave away my Hyunjin situation then?”

Donghyuck took some time answering, leaving you practically fidgeting in impatience as you watched him pull down the visor and check himself out in the mirror. As he began fiddling with his hair, he disinterestedly said, “I could tell by the way you mentioned him at random times when he seemingly had no relation to the conversation. I mean, sure, we were teammates two years ago. But you had no reaction to him back then. Suddenly, we find out you have a class with him this year and that you’re seat partners. You and I are the only people associated with him. Yet, when you brought him up, you spoke fondly about him more than I ever did. And then I thought maybe my suspicions may be wrong, so I brought it to Nancy.”

Oh, Nancy. The other attentive one of the group. You wouldn’t have expected her out of everyone to rat you out, but you weren’t too angry. These were your best friends after all, and it wasn’t like they were going to announce it to the school. Donghyuck did have a problem with keeping secrets, but if you drilled it into him, he wouldn’t say anything. He continued on with his explanation.

“Nancy didn’t know that I was only guessing. I made it seem like I just knew. And she confirmed my suspicions, saying that the way you acted around Hyunjin during class was similar to the way you used to act around that senior guy when we were freshman. What was his name again? Didn’t he go by some ridiculous nickname?”

“His nickname was Ten,” Mark snickered at the memory, before adding, “Yeah, Y/N, you had it so bad for Ten. When he was around, you saw nothing but him.”

“And Nancy said that it had the same feel as your Ten crush, but a little different,” Donghyuck said with finality.

You were surprised, to say the least. You had to give it to Donghyuck; he was more observant than you had initially perceived. It wasn’t like you were purposefully making it a secret and hiding it from your friends. You just didn’t think of your crush on him more than that. He was a guy you saw once a day, who had only been more of a constant for the past few days. Regardless of that, you weren’t even sure how you felt and if it was deep enough to just write off. For now, you were just going to let things play out and focus on the project you and Hyunjin were inevitably going to work on together.

As you guys pulled up to a local ice cream shop, Donghyuck distractedly commented, “If it makes you feel any better, I have this inkling that he might have a thing for you too.” And when you asked him why, he just waved his hand- albeit a little similarly to the way Hyunjin had- and said, “Just an inkling.”

You ignored the way your heart jumped.

Hyunjin:

Hey it’s your favorite anthro partner, reaching out from beyond the grave.

You:

I figure you’re dead because of your game?

Hyunjin:

Yeah… It was rough today. Coach is on me right now about how I’ve been playing. And other things. But it’s whatever, I’ll be fine.

You:

You’re a tough guy. Things will work out.

You:

Sorry. That sounded so insincere. What I mean is, I know you got this. Whatever you’re going through, you’ll be fine. Just keep your head up and try and stay focused. And I’m here if you need to talk about things.

Hyunjin:

Thanks…

Hyunjin:

Anyways, we should talk about the project…

Time seemed to be flying by faster than you could get a grip. It was already the weekend, and you had planned to meet Hyunjin at the library on Sunday morning. You had finally decided on a topic, and had each done a bit of research. Today was the first time you were going to meet up and knock out a chunk of the project. You had even decided that you would work on the power point and do half of the written portion while he worked on the visual and the other half of the written portion. In terms of the project, things were running smoothly. As for the friendship that had randomly started blooming a little over a week beforehand, it had come to a heavy stop.

The two of you hadn’t really spoken after deciding on the topic and the responsibilities of each respective person, the only other time being to set up a time to meet at the library. In class, your eyes would always find him, noting how he looked tired. You caught him blinking rapidly twice, as if to fight off his drowsiness. He also gave off an irritable vibe, which made you less willing to approach him. You didn’t message him. And he didn’t message you. You felt that maybe your assumptions had been right, that he was only striking up conversation for the sake of the project. But on the other hand, he might’ve just been busy.

He showed up thirty five minutes late, his strides long and purposeful as he found you at the back of the library, holed up in one of the corners. His face was emotionless, his appearance a little frazzled like he rushed over to the library. Regardless of that, his hair seemed perfectly unbothered atop his head. You wondered what his trick was to always having perfect hair.

“Sorry I’m late. I was doing something and lost track of time.”

“No worries,” You muttered, reading the last line of the current page you were reading of your book before closing it and putting it away. Pulling out your laptop and other materials, you looked up at him in question, wondering why he was still hovering. “You going to sit?”

“Right.” He said, his voice sounding clipped as he pulled out the seat across from you. He was wearing a gray sweater, your eyes falling on the infinity necklace that dangled around his neck. You glanced up at his emotionless face, the way he slowly pulled out the materials from his backpack before meeting your gaze. “We should try and finish this as soon as possible.”

His words caught you off guard, and you wondered why he was being a little cold, but you decided to not question him, simply nodding before handing over your paper. He did the same, and the next hour and a half was spent working on the project. Everything was running relatively smoothly, and you guys were able to finish up everything you wanted to finish today.

You stretched yourself out once you finished, sighing in happiness before saying, “I guess that’s it for today. I think I’ll be heading home now.”

Hyunjin didn’t seem to hear you, his gaze firmly on the dark wood of the table. His face was as emotionless as ever, and this was another time how you noticed how tired he seemed. You don’t know what prompted you to reach out, but your hand on his shoulder caused him to jump from the contact. You pulled away quickly, apologizing.

He let an easy-going smile fall on his lips, his tired eyes lighting up as they crinkled up. It was a nice sight. He waved you off, you noting that it seemed to be a habit, before he hissed in thought and said, “Sorry about being so frazzled. I just… have a lot on my mind.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You swayed a little, feeling like he needed someone to talk to from the vibe he was giving off. If the way his eyes found their way back to the wood was any sign, you knew that this might be your only chance to talk to him before school and class and his sudden distant nature gets in the way again. So you deliver yourself back to the seat you were previously in, your eyes searching his face.

He doesn’t react to your presence right away, his fingers tracing the side of his notebook, the designs in the wood, the edge of the table. After some time, his eyes slowly raised up the expanse of your visible body and connected with your own. There was no sign of what he was thinking hidden in his gaze. He looked at you the way one would look at a stranger.

“What’s on your mind?”

He scoffed, his body language immediately turning defensive and closed off as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. It made you feel slightly uneasy. He licked his lips in thought, avoiding your gaze now, and uttering, “Why does it matter? And what makes you think something’s on my mind?”

“Because you seemed distracted the entire time we talked. And you didn’t notice I was leaving. And frankly, this whole week you’ve been acting different.”

He leaned forward quickly then, causing you to lean back as a reaction. His eyes narrowed, his voice sounding unnecessarily accusatory, as he said lowly, “And how would you know that? How would you know if I’m not acting like my usual self? You don’t know me like that, Y/N.”

You don’t know why his words stung, because they were true, but it must’ve been because of how he was acting. You had never seen Hyunjin like this, so wound up and irritated. He was always kind to you, offering up smiles when the situation called for it. And the fact that he pointed out the lack of closeness between the two of you bothered you more than it should. Nonetheless, you didn’t let his defensive nature deter you.

“You’re right. I don’t know you much past the persona you put up as my partner, but that doesn’t make me oblivious to the change in attitude you’ve suddenly had. I’m not pressuring you into telling me what’s wrong, because you’re right. We’re not friends. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to worry. You look tired. You’re irritated over every little thing. Something’s been bothering you. And if you can’t tell me, then at least confide in someone you care about. It’s not good to keep things bottled up,” You said with finality before standing up and pulling your backpack on. You moved to walk past him and towards the exit, but the sensation of his hand around your hand caused you to immediately fall to a stop. His touch was gentle, not at all firm. Like he was too weak to even try and get you to stop walking. But it had been enough.

You looked down at him, expecting to see frustration. But his face was surprisingly open. He let his tiredness show, his expression seeming worn and exhausted. His eyes were what tugged on your heart the most, sad and defeated. But he only let you see this for a moment, fixing his face and saying, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to take you up on that offer. Maybe I should…” He let go of your wrist then, the absence feeling a little too heavy, but you watched as he anxiously readjusted his seated position. He leaned forward, aggressively rubbing his hands over his face as his eyes looked somewhere faraway. He puffed out a breath from his lips, looking genuinely overwhelmed. You wanted to hug him, ease his stress, but you simply took your seat for the third time.

He laughed, but it was empty and forced. “I’m not good at this. Expressing my emotions, I mean. I’ve always been like this. There’s been plenty of times that my friends called me a robot for never showing anything besides genuine happiness. But that’s just how I am. There’s no point in showing anyone when you’re sad, upset, stressed, angry, tired, annoyed. They can’t do anything about it. All anyone does is give you a half-assed and over-used phrase about how things will get better, and then they forget that you even felt a certain way. And I’m not just talking about friends, either.” 

You watched him closely, his voice higher in octave and filling with more emotion as he began to talk more rapidly, “It’s family, too. Everyone expects you to be emotionally stable, to either be stoic or happy, nothing else. And if you ever show something else, you only get mild concern from someone. Everyone wants something from you. They want you to be their shoulder to cry on, their excuse to break someone’s heart, to be better and more successful, and if they see you struggle… Nope. You’re not allowed to struggle. You have to be perfect and you have to deal with it. I might as well be a robot, just like my friends say-” You reached out, your hand cupping his and grasping it firmly, your eyes trained on his face. His lips parted, as if he were going to say something about your actions, but he just simply looked away and continued on his ramble, “I’m young. Adults chastise us when we moan and groan about wanting to be an adult, but the next day spout all this nonsense about not being responsible enough. I’m tired. I’m so tired.”

You decided it was time for you to look away when the first tear dropped from his eye, respecting what he said earlier about not being used to opening up to anyone. You moved to bring your hand back, but you felt more than saw him flip his hand over and grip yours tightly. You didn’t hear him crying. He was silent. But you could feel it. And you just bathed in the silence with him. Being there for him. Your heart ached for him, feeling bitter that someone as bright and as hopeful as him was being beaten down by the people and the world around him.

It was a while before he calmed down, you barely noticing that his previously firm grip on your hand had fallen limp. You pulled your hand away and he let it happen. Your eyes found his, the only evidence of his crying being his slightly red eyes. You were about to speak when he just shook his head and said, “Thank you for listening to me. I think I just needed to let it out somehow. You don’t have to give me advice or anything. I’ll be okay. It’s just… stress and things are taking a toll on me. The school year is coming to an end in a couple months and everything feels a little suffocating sometimes. But like you said, I’ll keep my head up.”

Your voice was soft, quiet. “You’re allowed to feel, Hyunjin. You should never accept being a robot. You’re a person. You’re supposed to feel, to hurt and to cry and to laugh and to love. It wouldn’t be life without all of those things.”

“It’s not that easy.” He shook his head, puffing out a breath from his lips. “I appreciate your words, though, I really do. I’ve just been brought up a certain way and it’s harder than usual these days to keep my emotions in check.”

“Well you don’t ever have to hide your emotions from me. What you feel is normal and valid. And even if you’re not seeking comfort or advice, if you let me I’ll be your friend that’s there if you ever need it.”

He stared at you blankly for a moment before letting out a short chuckle. “Just a few minutes ago, we both basically told each other we weren’t friends. I didn’t mean it like that, by the way. Sorry I was being an asshole.”

“You were just overwhelmed. I don’t blame you. It’s good to talk about these things.”

He blinked, letting your words sink in, before nodding. “Yeah, I noticed. It’s just hard to find trustworthy people to confide in about things. I’ve done it before and regretted it. But I trust you and my friends… Thank you for staying. And talking to me. I know I wasn’t being the easiest person to deal with.”

You just shrugged before saying, your heart feeling a little heavy, “I’m your friend. I’m here for you.”

His smile faded from his lips then, his eyes finding the wooden table, “Yeah… Friend…”

“Who’s bright idea was it to swim in the middle of March?” Mark asked, the five of you lined up in front of the pool. None of you had jumped in yet, but you each were in bathing suits and dreading what was to come. Everyone’s attitude had quickly changed feeling the chilly air.

“Guys, don’t be babies. My pool’s heated.” Donghyuck announced before running forward and flipping into the pool.

Tzuyu rolled her eyes, scoffing, “Such a showoff,” before discarding her towel and diving in perfectly into the deep end.

Donghyuck squealed loudly when he emerged from the water, shouting, “I did not emotionally prepare myself for that feeling.”

You just laughed before dipping your toes into the water, testing the temperature. It was warm, indeed, but it was still going to suck getting out of the pool and drying off. You couldn’t decide if you and your friends were idiots or rebels. Probably a mixture of both.

You should’ve known not to turn your back on Mark, because one minute you were standing alongside the edge of the pool, the next you were submerged in the pool with his arms wrapped around you. The sensation had knocked the air out of you, your body not prepared for the temperature. You swam to the surface, gasping out loudly before turning to Mark and splashing water at his face. He only snickered, trying to catch his breath and block your attack.

“Nice, Mark!” Donghyuck floated over and high-fived him, you only giving him a blank look before swimming away from them. Mark called after you in feigned care, but eventually stopped his talking, opting to go after Nancy next. She still wasn’t in the pool, sitting down at the table outside. You heard her denials and pleads to not be thrown in, squealing as you assumed Mark had picked her up. You turned just in time to watch him jump in with her in his arms.

When she emerged, you called monotonously, “I know the feeling!” before proceeding to float on your back. Your ears were just below the surface, every sound reaching your ears murky and muffled. Your eyes gazed at the quickly darkening sky, your mind wandering to other things. It wasn’t long before your mind flashed to Hyunjin, of course. It always did these days. If you weren’t so into him, you would’ve been annoyed with yourself by now.

He was an enigma. A book that held many languages, many codes to decipher and pictures that you had to study to even mildly understand. He was careful with how he executed himself, and what you used to believe was genuine friendliness seemed more calculated now. He was more profound than anyone could even see, and it was a shame. Because now that he allowed you more peeks into his true self, he had easily and quickly stole your heart away. You hadn’t felt like this about anyone before, even Ten who was your first legitimate crush. And you could say with confidence that you were glad it was Hyunjin of all people that had awoken this feeling in you.

Someone poked your forehead, and you stopped floating on your back, turning to face Mark. His hair was sticking up in random places, and you would never admit it to his face but he surprisingly looked good in the midst of his messy appearance. His eyes were expecting, before he must’ve realized that you didn’t hear whatever he said, and he asked, “Jeno is throwing a little get-together at his house tomorrow. You down to come with us?”

“Jeno?”

Donghyuck was lounging around at the shallow side of the pool, his arms extended and resting on the edge of the pool. He called to you, “Smiley guy from the basketball team. I also used to play baseball with him sophomore year.”

You nodded your head, your heart jumping at your train of your thought. That might mean Hyunjin would show up to this get-together as well. You didn’t count on it, but the thought still sent your heart racing. It was like Donghyuck read your thoughts because he teased, “Maybe tomorrow will be the day you finally own up to your feelings for Hyunjinnie.”

Mark’s wide eyes looked at you before a smile lit up his features. “That would be interesting-”

“Yeah ‘cause Mark’s not going to do it any time soon.” Mark’s face quickly morphed into an expression of annoyance at Donghyuck and you simply submerged under water to block them out. Even those his words were teasing, they stuck with you. Donghyuck tended to have that effect on you, to keep you thinking about things long after he said them. You hadn’t really entertained the thought of confessing to Hyunjin, but the thought terrified you and you weren’t sure if you could ever find it in you to look him in the eyes and admit it. Maybe you and Mark were a little too similar.

Coming up for air, you heard Mark exclaim, “Why are you bringing up her ex? This isn’t

about him! And I’ve never wanted to confess to her because maybe I didn’t want a relationship at the time! These days, I’ve thought about it more. I just haven’t decided when I'll talk to her about it. So stop pestering me about it. You’re so annoying.”

You gave Mark a sympathetic look, well aware of how easily Donghyuck got under his skin. Hyuck didn’t respond, deciding to dive under the water and swim away from Mark. It was kind of ridiculous how easily these two argued sometimes, but whenever they got lost in their little conversations, it was always obvious that they were meant to be best friends. Like the old saying goes, they can’t live with or without each other.

Donghyuck swam up for air near you, and you were surprised to see his face look so troubled, his lips pursed and his eyebrows drawn together. He ran his fingers through his hair before connecting his gaze with your own. His tense expression fell away, a grin replacing his previous pursed lips. You gave him a knowing look, but he simply swam past you. He was just like Hyunjin, you found yourself thinking to yourself. Locking away his true emotions behind his teasing and pestering. And you found yourself wondering what exactly was plaguing your friend’s mind at the moment when he looked so tense. You thought about asking him, but before you could, Tzuyu suggested a chicken fight.

“Hell yeah! You’re about to get dominated!” Mark cockily announced, flexing his bicep and dramatically kissing it. Tzuyu cackled mockingly, before giving you a stern look and calling you over.

“Why can’t Nancy be your partner?” You were quick to ask.

“Because you know she’s not into pool games,” Tzuyu said before slyly adding, “She doesn’t like the pool at all.”

“I can’t even argue with that,” Nancy said, proceeding to get out and scurry to get her towel. She was over there complaining about it being super cold, but you didn’t give it anymore thought as you slowly made your way over to Tzuyu.

“Hyuck. You want to be my partner?” Mark asked, already squashing their previous conflict. You all turned to Hyuck, who wasn’t his usual loud and excited self. He just quietly swam over to Mark.

“Okay,” Mark brushed it off, “Let’s get this started,” before him and Tzuyu dived under and allowed Donghyuck and you to sit on their shoulders. The match started once Mark and Tzuyu were stable and standing above the water. Nancy was the designated referee, and the match started soon after. A lot of it was your laughter and squealing if Donghyuck was a little too close to knocking you guys over. Tzuyu was shouting at you to be strong and knock him down, while simultaneously on defense as Mark tried to sabotage by pushing at Tzuyu with one hand. Things took a turn for the worst when Donghyuck latched onto your hands, bending your wrists at an awkward angle.

“Hey! That hurts!” You shouted, trying to break out of his hold, but it was like he

didn’t hear you. Instead, his grip got tighter, and it hurt to the point where you were screaming for him to let go, squirming so you could just fall off Tzuyu’s shoulders. Tzuyu moved back quickly, causing you to lose your balance and taking Hyuck with you. Fortunately, he let go.

When everyone was above the water, a heated conversation immediately started, the main source of anger being you. “What the hell’s your problem, Hyuck? I told you to let go!”

Donghyuck shrugged it off, causing your anger to spike even higher. “That’s not how Chicken works. You keep going until someone falls.”

“Dude, don’t be a dick. Why did you keep holding onto her wrists?” Mark asked.

You all watched as Donghyuck whirled on Mark, his barely hidden anger now making an appearance. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I got too in the game. Isn’t it amazing how you always get to play the good guy, the hero who swoops in and saves all the girls? Give me a break, Mark. You’re not as perfect as the facade you put on in front of us.”

Mark’s face scrunched up in incredulity. “What are you talking about? I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero. When I see you do something wrong, of course I’m going to call you on it! Just how you would call me out on something I did. You hurt Y/N!”

“Oh, she’s a big girl. She can handle herself just fine,” He turned to you then, your face feeling flushed and your emotions a little high for you to think logically, “Are you okay, Y/N? Did I hurt you too bad? Are you going to cry and run to your little boyfriend?”

His biting words stung, and you just scoffed before swimming to the edge of the pool and

pulling yourself out, the chilly air instantly biting into your skin. You heard Tzuyu jump into the conversation, immediately coming to your defense.

“Hyuck, just admit you were wrong. We get it if you were too into the game and didn’t realize it. Just apologize-”

“I don’t want to hear it. Especially from you.”

You turned, immediately wanting to avoid the fire that Donghyuck just sparked with his words. Tzuyu got along with everyone, was extremely sociable and likeable once you got close to her. But she was easily provoked if you said something the wrong way, or used a phrase she didn’t like. Her head swiveled back in shock before she met Donghyuck’s aggressive tone with her own.

“What does that mean? ‘Especially from me’?”

“Trust me, you don’t want me to answer that.” By this time, everyone was out the pool now. You were unsure why an argument had to have suddenly come up and ruin the night, and you knew that once Tzuyu and Donghyuck were going at it, it wasn’t going to end well. It was like the previously villainous and chilly air had become a thought in the back of your minds, the slowly dropping temperature of the night not affecting all of your damp bodies.

“No, go ahead. I’m curious. Why not from me, huh?”

As she spoke, his back was turned to her, but right as she finished, he spun on her and stalked over to her. This caused Mark to react defensively, an instinct rising up in him, but you roughly grabbed onto his arm to prevent him. Donghyuck wasn’t going to do something bad. As angry as he was, you knew he wouldn’t. But you were still on edge.

He held a finger up, his voice shaky as he sputtered out a jumble of words before chuckling darkly and straightening his shoulders. Tzuyu looked cocky, her eyes narrowed and confident she would somehow win the argument. At his next words, you all watched as her confident expression fell away into a shocked mess.

“You think you’re above everyone, princess. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but you’re so selfish. You only care about yourself, and no one else. I thought I…” His voice quivered again, and you all couldn’t see his face from this angle, but it became painfully clear that he was talking about something between the two of them, not about the actual matter at hand. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. You made it so clear to me when you decided to just brush me off like I was nothing. And then you sit here and pretend like everything’s okay, which makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I have to sit here and put up a front in front of my own best friends. I’m so sick of this shit. I’m done with you.”

He turned and walked past you guys, chest heaving as he strode into his house and left you all standing in his backyard. The air was silent, so silent that it was painful as the three of you turned your attention to Tzuyu. Her face was pale, her eyes trained on the back door that Donghyuck had walked into moments before, and her frame looking smaller than you had ever seen. This wasn’t the Tzuyu you knew, the confident and bold girl. This was someone who had been knocked down by Donghyuck himself.

“Tzuyu, what was that?” Mark asked, his tone cautious.

“N-nothing. He doesn’t know what he was talking about. Just nonsense as usual.” She said, walking over to the porch table and wrapping her towel around herself before taking a seat.

“I think I’ll go talk to him-”

“No. I’ll do it,” You deadpanned, his face immediately showing that he was going to argue. But you silenced him with a hand, this time on his shoulder. Mark was quite sensible when the time called for it, his eyes turning soft as you two shared a look. He trusted you. So without another word, you journey into the house to find your friend.

It doesn’t take long at all to find him, his bedroom door cracked open and the yellow light of his room filtering out into the hallway. You wondered where his parents were, him telling us that they weren’t home when he invited you guys over. You gently pushed the door open, turning away quickly as he was in the middle of pulling a shirt on over the rest of his torso. He looked over at you before scoffing and turning away, roughly rummaging through his drawers.

“Hyuck-”

“What do you want, Y/N?” His tone wasn’t angry anymore, just defeated. You looked at him then, really looked at him, and saw a sad boy. A boy who looked like he was hurt by someone. And suddenly you were afraid that what you were about to find out, may forever change your friend group.

“I wanted to check on you.”

He stopped rummaging and straightening out, throwing his arms out exasperatedly and exclaiming, “Well, here you go. I’m fine. Go away.”

“No.”

You expected him to fight you on it, but he just proceed to ignore you as he rummaged through his drawers again and found the pair of jeans he was looking for, giving you a look that signalled for you to turn away so he could throw them on without your stare on him. When you figured he was done, you turned to spot him tying his Vans on his feet, and when he was done he strode over to his mirror and began trying to half-heartedly style his hair with his fingers.

“Hyuck, let’s talk. Don’t avoid us.”

“I’m not avoiding anyone.” He didn’t notice you come up behind him, your hand reaching out for his shoulder. He whipped away from you, flashing his annoyed eyes at you. “What do you want? Leave me alone.”

“No. I want you to be okay and-”

“News flash. I’m not okay.” His words rang loudly in the room, long after he spoke them. His chest was heaving, like he had just ran a race. And you had never wanted to hug him as much as you did right now. You remained silent, letting him choose whether or not to open up to you. He made his choice moments later. “None of you would get it. You would just brush it off or make a joke out of me and I just,” He swallowed heavily, and you didn’t know if you imagined his eyes glossing over. He moved to his bed, plopping down on the edge and covering his face with his hands. You had figured these words were coming, but it still hit you like a freight train.

“It had to be her. Out of the three of you, it had to be her. Nancy is amazing. She’s pretty and smart and selfless. You’re pretty too, and you care about us and make me laugh. And her…” His eyes were definitely watery, but you ignored it, listening to his painful words, soaking them in, “She just drew me in. She’s strong and fierce and-and passionate. And at first it was playful, innocent. But I couldn’t help it. I thought she felt the same way. I was happy, so happy. Thinking that maybe, just maybe… someone could feel the same way I do. But she doesn’t. She just ripped my heart out and stomped on it like it was all just a game to her. Maybe it was. I wouldn’t be surprised.

“I saw signs of her not feeling the same way. I just ignored them, though. Feelings are a bitch, especially when they’re not returned. And then…” He let out a painful laugh, sounding a little more than hurt, but you just took a seat next to him, letting him feel your presence. It’s like he didn’t see you there, though. “She just told me she was done. She was going on a date with someone else, someone that wasn’t me. She just cut me off like it was an everyday task she was checking off on her to do list. And the worst part is, I have to hide how freaking bad it hurt me. I have to sit there with her, pretend we’re nothing more, ignore how my heart literally feels numb, and I can’t talk to you about any of it because you guys didn’t know. I was just her kissing buddy or some shit. She’s heartless.”

Tears silently fell down his cheeks, and you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. Wrapping your arms around him, you rested your head on his shoulder and held him firmly, comforting him as much as you could. He rested his head on top of yours, his body slightly shaking from his silent crying. Your heart ached for him. You and your other friends had been oblivious to what was conspiring between two of your closest friends. You wouldn’t ask questions, you would just be there for Hyuck, who was so obviously hurting.

Eventually he calmed down, and he gently pulled away from your grasp. You watched him closely, and hopefully with a comforting gaze. He sniffled, his hands reaching out and grabbing hold of one of your hands. He caressed your wrist very softly, his touch almost being nonexistent, and he whispered into the air, “I’m sorry for hurting you earlier. My head was in the clouds, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I was just really really distracted and I would never intentionally hurt you-”

“I accept your apology, Hyuck. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it okay?” You patted his cheek twice, waiting for him to nod before moving to stand. He stood with you, his eyes refusing to meet yours. It seemed like he still needed time to pull himself together. “I’ll meet you outside, okay?”

“I think it’s probably best if you all go home. I wouldn’t want anymore arguments to happen,” He suggested, and you figured that definitely was the best option. You turned to walk out, but he grabbed your hand. Turning back to him, you shot him a confused look. He shakily inhaled before lunging forward and giving you a strong embrace. It shocked you at first, but you adjusted quickly and hugged him back. “Thank you. For listening to me. And being there for me.”

“Always, Hyuck. I would never judge you. You’re one of my best friends. I will always be here for you. And I got your back. You’re going to get through this- this pain. And I’ll be there every step of the way.” He sighed out, sounding like a breath of relief, before pulling away and offering you a sincere smile. It was a nice look on him. “See you tomorrow?”

“We’ll see.”

Almost twenty four hours later, you found yourself standing outside this Jeno guy’s front door, alongside Mark, Donghyuck, and Nancy. Tzuyu had gone radio silent since last night, and she had ignored your attempts to reach out. You would let her sort out what she was feeling before you tracked her down. And she had let Nancy know she wasn’t going to Jeno’s for the night, which eased Hyuck’s tense heart a little bit.

“Ready to get drunk?” Hyuck asked, leading to you and Nancy giving him a disapproving look. He held his hands up defensively, adding, “I was just kidding… Sorta.”

Before either of you could say anything, the door swung open to reveal the smiley guy named Jeno, waving his arm enthusiastically to come inside. Him and the guys greeted each other familiarly, before he gave you and Nancy a sweet smile and shook your hands. “I’m Jeno. You guys are Y/N and Nancy right?”

“Yes. This is Nancy, and I’m-”

“Y/N! Yes, I’ve heard a lot about you.” You and Nancy gave each other a look at that, before you proceeded to follow him into the depths of the house. He led you through the house and out to his backyard, your eyes widening in awe at how beautiful his backyard appeared.

Lights were hung up along the edges of the wooden fence that surrounded the yard, and were hung through the trees that lined the garden. There was even a small fountain in the corner, spouting water out and filling the air with a quiet sound of water trickling. Besides that, there was low music playing, a rap song from what your ears picked up. It definitely was a small get-together, several people sprawled out across the grass and seated in the outdoor seating area, cascaded in the dark. Jeno must’ve moved a ping pong table outside because two guys were in the midst of a very intense match.

Your eyes scanned the backyard, feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as your eyes continued to not find Hyunjin until they suddenly did. He was leaned up against the fence, a cup in one of his hands as he chatted up someone. You watched as he bobbed his head, laughing at whatever the person said before continuing on talking. You were thankful you opted to wear your favorite outfit, and style your hair in your preferred style. You felt more comfortable than you had in a while. And you hoped it would work in your advantage.

“Mark!” You all looked to see a bright-faced blond boy bound over to you guys, immediately embrace the culprit mentioned in a hug, before letting him go and turning to the rest of you. “I’m glad you guys made it. Mark is embarrassed of his friends and never wants you guys to meet us. He thinks we’ll taint you or something. Whatever. We’ve all just been curious to meet you. I know some of us-” Another blond boy, significantly more calmer than the first, appeared and wrapped his arm around his chatty friend, somehow stopping his rambling, “Enough rambling. I’m Chenle. This here is Jisung.”

Jisung simply waved, and you finally recognized him as the sole sophomore to make the baseball team this year. History was definitely repeating itself, fond memories of Donghyuck excitedly telling you guys how he made varsity as a sophomore. You also recognized Chenle, a loud and boisterous junior who laughed loudly, that you could hear him down the hallways at school without even seeing him. He was known as a bit of a life of the party type, which is probably why he was so likeable. You also decided that his smile was contagious as you found yourself smiling back at them.

Donghyuck grabbed your attention then, whispering near your ear, “I’m going to find somewhere to hide. See you later.” He was still torn up about what had happened last night, and you considered going after him, but thought better of it as you figured he needed time to himself. You shuffled in your spot, being friendly as you struck up conversation with Jisung. You found out he was quite thoughtful and had plenty of things to say about pretty much anything. He was nice to talk to, and he kept your attention for quite a while. Soon, you all broke apart and went your separate ways.

You ran into a friend named Jaemin, his bright smile accentuating his features and his ever affectionate nature welcoming you in for a while. But even your time with him ended eventually, and you found yourself getting thirsty. You found a cooler and rummaged through it, looking for a Dr. Pepper before you felt a presence beside you.

“Finally. I thought I would never get a chance to talk to you.” Your heart raced in your chest at the voice, looking up and over your shoulder to spot Hyunjin. He looked as breathtaking as always, opting for a semi-casual look. He was adorned in dark jeans and a dark blue sleeved shirt, with a pair of Vans to finish the look. His hair was as neat as usual, and his gaze was gentle as he looked down at you with a friendly smile.

“Hyunjin. Hey! It’s nice to see you.” You noted you sounded way too excited for being just his friend, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care as he just chuckled and waited for you to finish finding your drink. Once you did, he did the same, choosing a Coca Cola before straightening out. You faced each other, taking a moment to take each other in, appreciation from your end and most likely friendliness from his end. He was the most stunning guy you had ever seen in your life. Perhaps your thoughts were dramatic, but your feelings didn’t lie. You wondered when he had stolen your heart, and how had it been that easy?

“I’ve been trying to find an opportunity to swoop in and talk to you, but every time I saw my chance, someone beat me to it. You were talking to Jaemin for a while there, and I was afraid you guys would talk until the night was over,” He sounded like he was joking, but his face was as stoic as ever. Since the library, he was more open about how he felt and what was on his mind. But old habits die hard, and he still had a strong hold on hiding his emotions from his face.

You just laughed at his words, tapping at the top of your soda can before saying, “That wouldn’t have happened. And I’m glad you approached me. I was waiting for a chance to talk to you too.”

His face showed mild surprise. “Oh. So you knew I was here?”

“Yeah, I spotted you when I walked in,” You spoke shyly, but you told yourself to get a handle on yourself. This was Hyunjin, someone who never judged you. He just nodded his head and tilted his head towards the house.

“Let’s sit down on the steps? Talk for a while?”

His words left you breathless and you didn’t know why. A phenomenal boy had your attention and it was unfaltering. It was like the moment he approached you, no one else was there in Jeno’s backyard. It was exhilarating. Without hesitation, you said, “Sounds like a plan.”

You didn’t realize how close in proximity you two would be up until you were sitting on the porch steps. He had taken the lead, so you were sat near the bottom of the steps, your backs against the steps above. The length of his body never actually went noticed, because he was so lanky and would constantly stretch out his legs if necessary. You amusingly thought to yourself how the amount of space he took up with his body is the equivalent of the amount of space he took up in your mind.

“Jeno picked a perfect night to host a get-together. It’s not too cold out,” Hyunjin said with a soft voice, his eyes scanning what you assumed was the tree-line. You definitely forgot how he appeared up close, and it was a cold reality check, colder than the slightly windy air. You watched as he did his usual habit of licking his lips, which is something he did when he had something on his mind. The wind tickled his hair a little bit, and you watched keenly as it lifted in the air and revealed a bit of his forehead. You wondered how he would look if he ever decided to style his hair differently.

“I agree. It’s a nice night.”

He hummed, glancing at you and offering a friendly smile before looking away and letting it fade. A big part of you wanted to ask if he was holding up okay, if he was still feeling overwhelmed like before. But you noticed he didn’t look so tired anymore, and he didn’t seem as stressed. You didn’t want to ruin this little moment the two of you were creating together. So you kept your lips sealed.

“How have you been, Y/N?” He looked over at you then, his eyes attentive and his voice a bit of a slur, like he was lazily carrying on the conversation. But his easy-going expression told you that he enjoyed talking with you. “I know we text here and there, but we don’t get to talk in person much. I miss this.”

Your heart thumped hard in your chest. “I’ve been alright. School. Friends. Drama. The same as usual. I miss talking to you too. You were definitely one of the highlights of my day.”

He laughed that off, sounding a little flustered with his next words. “Right… I, uh, understand that feeling. You mentioned drama… is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just stuff with my friends. Things will blow over… eventually. And if they don’t, we’ll all just have to learn to live with it. We’ve never had a problem that we couldn’t fix.” Hyunjin nodded, and the two of you fell into a bit of silence for a while. You fought against the chilly and windy air, rubbing your arms and pulling your sleeves over your fingertips, then placing your clothed hands up against your mouth. You watched as your friends conversed, Mark talking animatedly to Chenle and Jisung from earlier. Nancy seemed to be comfortable with that Jeno guy, because they were holed up in the corner talking. And you hadn’t seen Donghyuck since he said he was going to disappear earlier. It seemed he was better at disappearing than you expected.

“Are you cold?” Hyunjin’s voice filtered in your ears, breaking your train of thought. You tried to shrug him off, but he just shook his head and rose to his feet.

“What are you doing?” You hissed, but he didn’t say anything, simply outstretched his hand to you. You were confused, and only stared back at his equally stoic face.

“Are you going to just ignore my hand?” His voice was teasing, and he just shook his head before lowering his hand. “We can go inside. Jeno doesn’t mind. People have already started spreading out across the house.”

You had noticed the lack of people around the backyard that were previously there. You looked at your friends once again, but you figured they would be okay without you. So you stood up, agreeing underneath your breath, and followed Hyunjin inside. He seemed to know where he was going, leading you the way that you guys had come from when you first entered the house, and into what you decided to call the front living room. Jeno’s house was big and extravagant, and the fact that he had such nice decor inside and outside blew your mind. His family definitely knew how to properly decorate.

You stood in the entranceway of the front living room. Hyunjin walked into the darkness of the room, and you heard him fiddling around with something until you heard an audible click and light flooded in  from a small lamp in the corner. The light was dim and lit up the room similar to what a fireplace would. You adored the small space, and the sofa you sank into was so incredibly soft, you could envision yourself falling asleep on it.

Like the rest of the house, the little room was decorated nicely. There was a mantle that had a bunch of family photos, and from where you sat you could recognize a small and smiley Jeno in a lot of the picture frames. There were two tall bookshelves that reached the low ceiling, filled to the brim with different sizes of books. Other than that, it was a typical sitting room with two loveseats, a couch, and a glass table in the center.

You watched silently as Hyunjin walked over to the photos, humming in amusement as he pushed gently at one of the picture frames with his finger, before slowly walking over to join you on the sofa. He wasn’t too close, but it still brought your pulse into overdrive. From the corner of your eye, you watched him slouch on the sofa, his head resting on the back of the sofa, his eyes fluttering close. It was unusual to see him so casual.

“Jeno was a cute kid.” Hyunjin said distractedly, referring to the photos.

“He must’ve been with that smile,” You offered, feeling a lot more vulnerable now that you were merely surrounded by the silence and by Hyunjin. He hummed again, and you suddenly become overwhelmed with the desire to hear his voice. He was right; you were never around each other enough. You heard his voice maybe once or twice a day if you were lucky. The project had opened the door up for the friendship to grow. But you would never be able to get enough. He was the one book you never wanted to put down.

“How have you been holding up, Hyunjin? Have things been… better?”

His eyes fluttered open, and he slowly angled his head to look at you. He looked sleepy, but content as he stared back at you. His face was open, a puzzle of contentment but restlessness. And it was then that you wondered if you were ever going to be open to the inner workings of this boy’s mind, if you were ever going to be someone he opened up to, because after all he wasn’t a fan of confiding in anyone. Would he always be a mere masterpiece to admire, but to never fully understand?

“In all honesty… things have been better ever since I talked to you. And not because people started treating me better or anything like that, it’s still the same old shit. I’ve just… started looking at everything a little differently. Talking to you helped a lot… it honestly really surprises me,” Hyunjin chuckled softly, moving his head back to its original position and looking up at the ceiling. “And I know most of it was me being an emotional mess and you just listening to me spout nonsense… it just helped me clear my head and get a handle on things. That was the first night I slept peacefully in days. I actually haven’t had a problem sleeping since that day. So thank you for that.”

“It’s all you, Hyunjin. I’m simply a… pit stop of sorts. A friend can help you up, maybe nudge you in the right direction. But it is up to you to solely find that inner peace, that strength in yourself. Thank you for the credit, but I see that you help yourself out just fine. You’re really strong. I admire that,” You saw his shy smile but didn’t comment on it, opting to add, “And your feelings aren’t nonsense, by the way. Don’t discredit yourself like that. Everything that comes out your mouth is meaningful.”

His smile faded then, as he slowly straightened himself out. His eyes found their way to the floor, his lips parted and his eyes refusing to look up. It was if the air shifted, thickening as the silence wrapped around the two of you, your eyes on him and his eyes on the floor. You considered reaching out to grab his hand and ask if he’s alright, but his voice cutting through the air prevented that from happening. “Do you mean that?”

“Mean what?” You asked him, your eyes never leaving his face. He was bent forward now, his elbows resting on the top of his knees. He looked over his shoulder then, his eyes meeting yours and it was like you felt your heart completely stop at the look he was giving you.

“Everything you just said about me. Do you really see me that way?”

It was like time had stopped then, the moment being frozen in your mind. Oddly enough, Donghyuck’s face flashed into your mind, his words appearing in your thoughts. About how maybe you were exactly like Mark, bound to secrecy about your feelings towards Hyunjin. And if ever given the opportunity to open up to Hyunjin, would you take it?

You opened your mouth then, your eyes still locked with Hyunjin’s, his face void of any emotion. His previous tone being the only indicator that whatever you said next, would matter to him. “I meant every single word. I’ve noticed that… you aren’t really aware of how amazing you actually are. You’ve got this… charm about you. You’re careful but caring, and you look at things differently than anyone I’ve ever come across. And you are stronger than you even realize. You’ve fought all these battles, battles I don’t even know about, without ever confiding in someone about how you feel. You’re… amazing.”

He sat up from his leaning position then, twisting his body to face you. His lips were parted as if he were shocked, his eyes studying your face as if he were trying to figure out why you said what you did and if you were lying in any sort of way. You were not. You meant every single word. You sat up as well, scooting to the edge of the sofa and clasping your hands together. Fixing your eyes ahead and towards the mantle, you waited to see what he would say. You could still feel his eyes on your face, but you ignored the sensation.

“No one’s ever really told me that before. Actually, no one has ever told me how they see me… at least in a positive light.” You turned to look at him then, trying to shake how his voice had been in awe, tried to avoid how he was looking at you, how you wondered what it would be like if he felt the same way you did.

You couldn’t remember thinking about the words you said next, feeling like you weren’t even there in that moment. You just remember your voice coming out softly but confidently. “Can I kiss you, Hyunjin?”

You had watched closely how he blinked rapidly, licking his lips and swallowing in nervousness, how his hands found solace with each other. He nodded, before clearing his throat and whispering, “That would be nice.”

And one moment, there was that divide between the two of you. A space, a boundary, one that respected the friendship that had been gradually forming between the two of you. A mutual understanding of sorts, a vision for what your friendship could’ve become. And in the next moment, that divide had been splashed with the colors of something more. The space had been filled with the both of your bodies coming together, the boundary erased as his soft lips encased yours in a kiss, the friendship that existed fleeting from your minds as you became lost in the sensation. The understanding was forgotten, the vision of that potential friendship becoming blurry as his hand reached up and cupped the side of your neck.

You were breathing but it felt like your heart had stopped. The kiss wasn’t rushed, it was calculated, exactly like the boy you were kissing. Your hands found their place at the nape of his neck, and you could’ve imagined it, but it felt like he had shivered beneath the feeling of your fingertips. The kiss wasn’t urgent, it was curious. If you had to think of a description for it, it was distinctly like Hyunjin. It was warm and cold, calculated and caring. It was soft but restricted. It thrilled you and scared you. And just like that, he was gone.

“What-what was that?” Hyunjin gasped, standing up and backing away from you. His eyes were wide for a moment, him gulping in air as if he just woke up from a nightmare. You felt your heart rate pick up, this time in a more painful manner. He turned away from you then, shielding you from his face, from him. You stood up, very slowly, as if you knew what was coming. You didn’t approach him, you didn’t even look at him. You just stared ahead at the mantle, where a smiley Jeno resided.

“What do you mean by that?”

His voice was faraway, distant, but he was near you. Just like the Hyunjin you knew, he was shutting off his emotions. “That’s not who we are. That’s not us. You’re… Y/N. I’m… We’re friends, Y/N. Why did we do that?” From the change in volume, you could tell he was facing you now, looking at you. But you didn’t care. You were just focused on that photo, how happy Jeno looked. And how on the inside, you were feeling the exact opposite. Your other focus was to try and push back the stinging sensation in your eyes. “Y/N. Answer me. Why did we do that?” His voice was desperate, pleading. It angered you.

You turned to him, and you noticed how shocked he looked at your facial expression, but you didn’t care. “Why are you asking me that? How am I supposed to answer that? Because I thought it was what we both wanted. Clearly, that’s not the case.”

His face looked troubled, innocent. It hurt your heart.

“I-I don’t know what…” His eyebrows were drawn together, his gaze towards the floor. Typical, emotionless Hyunjin. Why were you so angry?

“Why would you tell me yes if it wasn’t what you wanted?”

He didn’t answer you. He just kept staring at the floor. Just like the day at the library. Just like every time he shut down his emotions. He wasn’t going to let you in, and he probably never would. You watched in frustration as he licked his lips in thought, keeping his mouth shut. You tried to swallow the thick knot in your throat, wiping furiously at the tears that had ran down your cheeks and hoping he wouldn’t see them. He didn’t.

“Answer me, Hyunjin.”

He didn’t.

You didn’t want to sit here and feel more humiliated, so you turned and started walking out the room and towards the front door. You stopped in your tracks at the sound of his voice, small and vulnerable. If you had read into it, perhaps you would’ve recognized it as his way of trying to reach out and open up, but at that moment you were too hurt to understand. “Y/N… I’m not good for you. I-”

“Yeah, you’ve made that message loud and clear. Your friends were right. How could I expect a robot to feel the same way I do?” You felt sick to your stomach saying those words, lashing out at someone who had been nothing but good to you. Before you walked out the front door, you looked back over your shoulder and caught a glimpse of Hyunjin’s face. How pained he looked, his eyes still trained on the floor. It looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He wasn’t stoic, he was far from it. You just had to know when to look. Unfortunately, you always knew when to look.

He didn’t follow you outside, and the cold air hit you as hard as reality did moments before. You froze in your movements upon seeing a figure sitting on the front porch steps, completely cascaded in the dark. It took you a moment, because even though it wasn’t pitch black out, it was still hard to see, but you recognized the figure as none other than Donghyuck.

You took a seat next to him, your lips sealed shut but your eyes refusing to control themselves. Your head hurt from the attempt at stopping the tears, but you just gave up and simply let it happen. Donghyuck didn’t say anything, just shifted closer and pressed the side of his body up against yours. You would thank him later for the comfort and the warmth.

“It sucks. When you…” You didn’t know how to word it. How could you say it without sounding like a complete idiot? ‘Oh, I kissed Hyunjin and he told me he didn’t like me, so I insulted him and walked out?’ What had you expected? You were a jerk, mean to him and throwing something personal in his face. You wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to talk to you again.

You looked up then, towards the dark blue sky. It was eerily quiet in Jeno’s neighborhood, hardly any light but a few porch lights here and there. You were grateful to be surrounded by darkness through your feelings of rejection and self-embarrassment. You sniffled loudly, your breath getting caught when Donghyuck reached out and clasped your hand tightly. He gave you strength. “Why does it hurt so bad when you give someone your heart and they just give it back?”

He hummed, in bitter amusement you would say. His voice was gentle, accepting of his own situation and of the little information you had just given him. It didn’t take him long to form an answer at all. “Because it’s a hard reality to accept when the person you’re willing to give the world to, doesn’t give a damn about you.”

You two left it at that, the cold air suffocating you on the outside, but your closeness being a barrier of warmth on the inside. Regardless of the heat between your bodies, the feeling in your chest was empty, numb, and you assumed it was the same for Donghyuck. Your heart had been stolen by Hyunjin, his by Tzuyu. You knew, at least for tonight, the only person who quite understood you was Donghyuck, something you could never possibly have saw coming. But you didn’t care. Because misery likes company, and as you grasped his hand just as tightly, you figured one night of heartbreak wouldn’t mind having a person by your side.

Two hearts bonded by their pain.

Stolen by people who didn’t seem to care.

And all the two of you could do was sit in silence, and hope that holding on for one another would be enough to make it through the pain that was in store.

>>> Next part <<<

#stray kids #sk #stray kids scenarios #sk scenarios #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjinnie #hyunjin scenarios #hwang hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fluff #mark lee #donghyuck #nct dream #haechan #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #kpop fluff #mark lee scenarios #mark scenarios #donghyuck scenarios #donghyuck angst #mark angst #angelo writing #steal my heart away #smha

[hellostarlight20]

Tau Theta 15/16

Yeah, so one more chapter after this!

From wikipedia: In ancient times, tau was used as a symbol for life or resurrection, whereas the eighth letter of the Greek alphabet, theta, was considered the symbol of death.

Part of We Are Never Alone, but can be read as a stand alone 50th rewrite. (Established Ten/Rose relationship, no Master arc, Rose and Martha are BFFs, the River Song arc was taken care of, love, shagging, and family. There, you’re caught up!)

Tau Theta: Rose thought she was meeting her daughter’s new girlfriend when she blinked and ended up on Karn right as the Eighth Doctor was about to drink from the chalice the Sisterhood of Karn offered him.

Time is in flux, people are trying to change the Doctor’s timeline, and Rose refuses to allow any of that. Even if she has to fight all her Doctors to stop it.

Awesome pict below by @fadewithfury for the equally awesome @aeonish, both of whom agreed to let me use it for this story. A million thanks to Mrs. Bertucci for the beta!

AO3 and TSP

15

The Doctor looked up at The Moment. The consciousness, or his consciousness, he couldn’t tell. Or didn’t want to.

 The air in the cabin grew thick and heavy, heavier than it had been when he first walked in carrying the box that possessed the power to destroy all of creation. He moved through it like treacle, each step a struggle, each breath a task, each thought worse than the one before.

 “I don’t want to destroy all of creation.” The words shot through the cabin, but barely left his lips for how quietly he spoke them.

 In the cabin, with time slowing around the rest of the occupants, he saw his next regeneration look at the younger version of his wife. So young, but in her eyes, watching her Doctor, he saw the same fire in the older woman who fought him, for him, on Karn. That woman watched him with heartbreaking understanding, lips slightly parted, hand just starting to reach out for him.

Despite temptation, he didn’t look at anyone else. Merely returned his gaze to the Moment, who watched him with those same eyes he longed to see every day.

 “I know you don’t, my Doctor.” The Moment, the image of his wife, reached out to touch him, but her hand never made contact. “You are so much more than the memories you possess—or have forgotten. You are exactly what the universe needs to survive.”

 Time slowed, stopped. The Doctor idly wondered if it did so across galaxies or just here. He hoped the Moment, who seemed to have that kind of power, stopped all time. Stopped the Daleks from killing and the Time Lords from destroying anything that remained.

 Stopped the killing, even for a moment, the senseless destruction and the blind rage. He closed his eyes against the fall of Arcadia and Davros’s ship flying into the jaws of the Nightmare Child. He’d tried. Even Davros, he’d tried to save.

 The Doctor failed. Every time.

 Opening his eyes, he was unable to look around the cabin, at his future selves, at his selves who remembered this moment—pun fully intended thank you—and those who remembered a different man. He didn’t look at his daughter, the smart blonde who took after her mother, or at his wife.

 Definitely not at his wife.

 “Why show me this?” The words cut like knives along his throat, deep into his hearts. “Why show me these futures?”

 The Moment tilted her head, so much like the very real woman her image portrayed. “Why do you think?”

 “I don’t have time for your games!” He shouted, furious enough to throw the box across the room. It blinked out of mid-air and reappeared directly in front of him. Damn cheeky thing.

 “You should treat your creations with more care, my Doctor.” The Moment tsked. “I’ve waited a very long time to see you again.”

 “You said that before.” He narrowed his eyes at her, all too aware of the other sets of eyes, now frozen in time, yet still boring into his back.

 The Doctor didn’t need to look to know they couldn’t see him, that the stoppage of time affected all of them as well as the rest of whatever the Moment wanted. Still, Rose’s presence burned through him, so close. Never close enough.

 “I said a lot of things.” The Moment winked. “But when you threw yourself into the Looms, all your memories from before—vanished.”

 “Before?” He dug deep into his memory, spotty though it was in this regeneration. Images of a previous life tickled his mind’s eye, but even his impressive talents couldn’t make those images—memories or dreams or visions–clear.

 “It doesn’t matter.” Defeated, the Doctor waved a hand in dismissal. “None of that matters now.”

 Drawn to his wife’s time-frozen face, he swallowed against the weight of grief. His hands cupped her face before he realized he moved. Fighting tears, choking grief, heavy with resignation, the Doctor kissed her softly on her slightly-parted lips.

 “You’ve given me the hope I needed to get through this War, my wife.” The Doctor brushed her hair from her face, an odd move with time halted around her. “No wonder I fell in love with you.”

 Clearing his throat, eyes blurry with tears, he took another breath to collect himself. To look at Jenny, at a younger version of his wife—he couldn’t bear to call her by name when he’d never see her now. Pressing his lips once more to the Rose he met eons ago, hours for her, not quite yet for him, the Doctor stepped back.

 “I’m ready.” He met the Moment’s curious-sad-ancient eyes. “I know what I have to do.”

 “Oh?” She perked up as if they played a game. “What is that, then?”

 “Don’t be stupid,” he snapped. “It’s unbecoming of a consciousness I created.”

 The Doctor wasn’t entirely sure where those words came from, but they settled, right and true, in his hearts. He pushed it all aside.

 “I am Theta. Death. It seems that blasted childhood name had a meaning after all. Eight. Theta.” He looked from the Moment to the box. Still the Moment, he supposed.

 “I was created to end this War.” The Doctor looked at his hands as if they were literally stained with blood. He snorted. “’Lord Krsna said: I am terrible time the destroyer of all beings in all worlds, engaged to destroy all beings in this world; of those heroic soldiers presently situated in the opposing army, even without you none will be spared.’”

 He met the Moment’s gaze. “’I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.’ No matter how you translate it, no matter its origins, it means the same. I created myself to end the Last Great Time War.”

 And then it was there, the words, the memory he didn’t remember but tumbled out anyway. “That’s why I jumped into the Looms. I knew what Rassilon planned even then, before the Time Lords were stupid enough to bring him back. Knew what he was capable of.”

 “The Other’s name was banished from the records,” the Moment said as if he didn’t know that. Hadn’t wondered what someone could possibly do to warrant such a punishment, even in Time Lord society. “Do you know why?” She didn’t give him the chance to answer. “Because you didn’t want anyone knowing you when you returned. That’s why Rassilon hunted you even as you fought. That’s why the upper echelon of Time Lords spurned you.”

 “If I didn’t know who I was, how did they?”

 “Faint echoes of Time. They remain even on Gallifrey. Rassilon left records only the highest of government have access to.”

 The Doctor laughed. “I find it difficult to believe that Time Lords can keep a secret that big, that damning, for this long.”

 “It’s a curse, never to be spoken.” She tilted her head, a faint smile teasing her generous lips.

 Lips he wanted to know intimately. As if she read his mind—entirely possible—her tongue teased the corner of her mouth, a move he’d watched his wife do. A move that, even with their short time together, drove him to the edge of sanity.

 “Are you familiar with the Earth meaning of Tau?” The Moment’s question caught him off guard.

 “Of course.” He eyed the creature or consciousness or his own past awareness. “What does an archaic Earth term have to do with me or you or this Time War?”

 “You focus so much on your present life. The Doctor, always willing to help. The man who doesn’t give second chances—or won’t.” The Moment frowned. “I get confused, past or present, now or then?” She grinned again and winked. “You run from your past always moving. Theta. Death. But Theta is closely linked to Tau. Life. Resurrection.”

 “Also time, a circle constant, shear stress in continuum mechanics, particle physics, astronomy, a whole host of other time constants—” The Doctor stopped. “Oh.”

 The Moment grinned, but her eyes remained sad. “Yes. Oh.”

 The Doctor waved it away. “On Gallifrey, it means nothing.”

 “Theta does. You forget, Doctor, I know all. I see all. I am all. I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of every existence everywhere.”

 He’d heard that before, from the same lips if not the same being. As they had then, the words sent a shiver of dread-hope-love down his spine. “So you’re saying I’ll live.” He gave a mirthless chuckle. “Wonderful.”

 His gaze drifted to his wife. He had to curl his hands into fists to stop from reaching for her. “I’ll lose her, won’t I.” It wasn’t a question.

 “Doctor.” He looked to the Moment and just like that, forgot what he’d just said. “That’s your punishment. You go on.”

 “I don’t want to,” he admitted.

 His chest ached, hearts pounding as if he’d just lost something. Someone. His world, his universe. The Doctor looked around the cabin but saw nothing beyond the abandon crates and the Moment before him.

 Not even his TARDIS stood in this room, silent witness to his terrible deed.

 “You never did say why you chose that form. Who are you supposed to be?”

 Her smile broke and with it something inside him. “To help you chose. It’s an ancient body—and so new.”

 The Doctor looked down at the box, the Moment, the big red button beckoning and repelling, cajoling and threatening and—

 He lay his hand on it. Eyes closed, wishing Romana had been here so he could see her one last time. Her voice still rang in the air. It hadn’t been long since they’d signed off, if he called her back, she’d still be there, the guards wouldn’t have had time to break in.

 “All these years, fighting with no hope, no promise of a future.” He looked at his hands, expecting—another one of his or someone else’s or he didn’t know. A hand to hold, maybe. “I should’ve died a thousand times over. Maybe I did. Or maybe that’s my punishment. Never dying.”

 “Everything must come to dust. All things. Everything dies. The Time War ends.”

 The Doctor looked up at the Moment and frowned. “I know those words.” They shuddered over his skin, familiar and new, just as the voice that said them.

 “It’s your choice, Doctor.”

 “It always was.” He paused. “Why aren’t you stopping me? Why aren’t you offering me another way? If the Moment has a consciousness—” he nodded to her— “which you clearly are, then why are you condoning genocide?”

 “There’s always another way. But is that way better? If you don’t end this War, my Doctor, will the Daleks ever stop? Will the Time Lords?”

 “No. They won’t. The Time Lords brought back Rassilon and who knows who else. I’ve heard rumors they brought back the Master, but Romana never found any solid evidence.”

 He didn’t know what he’d have done if those rumors had been true. His oldest friend. His greatest enemy. What would the Doctor have done if he found the Master, revived, another set of regenerations bestowed upon him?

 “They won’t stop. They’ll follow Rassilon to the end of time and destroy every single universe if that’s what he wants just so they can survive. The Daleks are no better. Two evenly matched nightmares in a never-ending battle.”

 The Doctor closed his eyes against the destruction playing in his mind’s eye. Even now, with the Daleks attacking Gallifrey, it’d never stop. “The Time Lords won’t stop until they win. In that respect, they’re just like the Daleks…” he trailed off. “Never ending battle.”

 “You can destroy them. Yes. Or you can lock them in eternal battle.”

 He looked up at the Moment, surprised at her words, the words echoing in his brain, his hearts. “I can time lock them, but what of the other species? They don’t deserve to be caught in that.”

 “I am the Moment. Every moment. I’m not just a big red button you know.” She winked at him. “You wanted one to make this easier for you, but I’m afraid this isn’t the easy choice. I’m more than the sum of my parts, Doctor.”

 “The Universe will end if someone doesn’t make a stand,” he said slowly. “I am that someone.”  He wasn’t sure where his next words came from, but he knew deep down in his hearts, they were right.  “The Universe needs a Doctor.”

 “Is that your choice then?” She watched him with such sad eyes, the Doctor wondered what she knew. Saw. More importantly, he wondered who she was.

 “The other species don’t deserve to be caught in a war they didn’t want.” He looked at his hands. Empty hands. No one to hold his hand now. “Trapping the Time Lords and the Daleks in the Time Lock will stop them, will save the universe, the multiverse, and keep all of creation safe from two mad species.”

 The Doctor paused, alone in this cabin with only a consciousness he’d created untold eons ago in another life, another body, as another person he didn’t remember. “I’m ready.”

 “Are you?” Her eyebrow raised and her head tilted and an odd familiarity tingled over his skin.

 “For death?” he snorted. “As I’ll ever be.” The Doctor looked around again, half expecting—someone—to be standing beside him. Reaching for him. But he was very much alone. “Time to go on, I suppose. Alone.”

 “You are never alone, my Doctor. Remember that.”

#ficandchips #Eight x Rose #angst #so much angst #I'm sorry #sorta #50th fix #50th rewrites

[thanatophania]

Sera, Cass, Lottie? :3c

WOW this got very long.

Full name: Seraphina Lucia Rosenvinge

Gender/orientation: Female, bi. All hail the heartbreaker, she’s been through her share of beaus and likes to change things up.

Pronouns:She/herEthnicity/species: Lalaland European; her family background is primarily Norwegian and they’re a small, pureblooded family of swan witches.Birthplace/birthdate: January 21, somewhere in Svalbard.Guilty pleasures: Going on extravagant shopping sprees. Back when she used to flirt a lot more and be a lot more casual with her affections, it was nice to have people buy gifts for her. She certainly knew how to get things she wanted, one way or the other. Sometimes she gets guilty enough to return the stuff she buys, but most of the time she doesn’t. Hey, it’s not like she just leaves them to gather dust; unlike some people, she actually uses them! It’s not a hoarding problem, what are you talking about.Phobias: A bit of a Rich Person First World Problem in some aspects, but she’s afraid of having … nothing. No assets, no ties/bonds to people, being completely cut off and isolated. That’s kinda why she did that to other people before they could do it to her. :’)What they would be famous for: If she had her way and wasn’t stopped by the likes of Ali or Cass, she might’ve gotten famous for having a lot of spouses that died mysteriously. :| Maybe gained a reputation as a black widow or some shit. Not very flattering …What they would get arrested for: Casual property destruction. Assault and battery. She’s got a rather short fuse and some pretty bloodthirsty tendencies if provoked. She tends to get pretty angry on behalf of other people, and her first solution to their problems is usually to beat the problem until it repents.Ship them with: Sho. It’s somewhat complicated, because it seems she might have to gear up to fight Cass for the rights to Sho’s hand in … er, not marriage, but. Certainly something. Neither of them are particularly pleased about sharing. She saw him first, damn it! That said, she still likes to flirt, and totally used to flirt with Alistair’s illegitimate half-sister. Mostly to piss him off. Which is succeeding, to absolutely nobody’s surprise.Most likely to murder them: The Bureau, anyone who hates Alistair enough to want to kill him – and it’s her job to get in their way, alas. Closer to home, Mei has threatened to kill her if she breaks Sho’s heart. Sera thinks it’s kinda cute, that her boyfriend’s old childhood girl/friend is protective enough over him to threaten grievous bodily harm to whoever messes with his feelings, even if she was the one that broke things off first. It’s cute. Mei’s also cute.Favourite movie/book genre: Romances and chick lit/flicks. Whether it’s ironic or not, nobody knows. She seems especially fond of trashy romance paperbacks, a la Chuck Tingle or Danielle Steel. And hey, Bridget Jones’ Diary and The Notebook are all hilarious, don’t judge.Least favourite movie/book genre: Action. She can get pretty critical about things like historical and biological accuracy, and commentates all through it. Do not bring her for action movies or superhero flicks. Just don’t.Talents/powers: Ruthless Monopoly king. She’s not here to make friends, she’s here to win. She’s also got a pretty good singing voice, and gets pretty competitive during karaoke nights, sometimes breaking out the operatic contralto if she’s had enough to drink. That aside, Sera’s also pretty handy with polearms and thunder magic, and has a better handle on casting offensively than her brother.Why someone might love them: Protective as all hell to whoever she likes enough. Never mind the fact that they might be able to do it themselves. Even if she gives Ali a lot of shit and doesn’t seem to respect him, she can and will kill for him. It goes without question she’ll do the same for Sho. Ride or die, my man. She’s all about that life.How they change: Uh, well, she genuinely cares for Sho and he’s the biggest catalyst to her settling down and being? A better person? Maybe? She also eventually becomes more honest with herself and with other people.Why you love them: She’s a vicious blood knight (and sometimes gold digger) dressed up as a fragile blushing rose maiden. What’s not to love. She’s awful and I love her.

Full name: Cassius Isak RosenvingeGender/orientation: Male, bi. If his previous interests are any indication, his preferences lean towards men.Pronouns: He/himEthnicity/species: Lalaland European; he comes from a family of Norwegian swan witches.Birthplace/birthdate: January 21, somewhere in Svalbard.Guilty pleasures: Cass is the type of person who feels obligated to be doing something 24/7, so just. Unwinding and Not Doing Anything is something he considers to be a guilty pleasure. Napping, sitting in the park watching people pass by, going to the local pool/lake/miscellaneous water body and just floating aimlessly watching the clouds drift past … yeah, that’s the life.Phobias: It’s not all that uncommon a fear, but Cass hates the Naraka more than anything else because he’s had some experience with getting too close to it. He doesn’t like the cold, or still waters – together, they remind him far too much of the Sea of Samsara. One of his worst nightmares usually entails drowning, the open sea, deep waters, burial at sea, and shipwrecks.What they would be famous for: Very few people use blood magic, especially in conjunction with healing, and Cass is one of them. He may or may not have gotten a few lessons in between from a certain blood mage snake witch, long before her fall from grace. Take that how you will. :^)What they would get arrested for: Robbery. Mostly by virtue of wandering off without realising he hasn’t paid for something, only to set off the alarms as he leaves. Or can you also get arrested for being too smug, and being snide to whoever arrests you? Cass would probably always be held in contempt of the court, no matter what the original charges.Ship them with: … Sho. Remember when I said it’s complicated. His first love was Alistair but it was rather one-sided and never really got anywhere, and Cass knows he’d be lying if he said he didn’t still kinda hold a torch for everyone’s favourite resident jerk stag. And … re: Sho, he was supposed to be playing wingman (ha) or something for Sera but look what happened. Oh no. Oh no, he’s cute. Most likely to murder them: Anybody who has beef against Alistair, naturally. The Bureau – and the most likely candidate may well be Ren. Hell, let’s not even go that far and think about the Bureau – he’d let Alistair murder him. Wait, come back, he didn’t say that out loud, did he.Favourite movie/book genre:… he likes documentaries and educational videos. They’re good to have as background noise while he’s doing something else, though he always changes the channel if it’s one of those deep-sea specials. He’s also got a National Geographic subscription, and likes the photography spreads.Least favourite movie/book genre: Crime and horror. He’s seen enough shit to last a lifetime, thanks, and his normal life has quite a few dead person horrormonsters in it; he’s not a fan of his entertainment having them too. Nor does he want to be reminded of the depths of depravity the human condition is capable of sinking to.Talents/powers: He’s a good artist, particularly with inks and watercolours! One of his favourite hobbies as a kid used to be sitting at the lake on his family’s estate, painting the scenery. Good eye for detail and figure/gestures, and a pretty dab hand at landscapes. Also an accomplished blood mage/cleric, though that doesn’t come into play quite as much.Why someone might love them: All things considered, he’s pretty honest and to the point, and can be rather direct – he’s just not very good at being subtle. Also has a pretty wry sense of humour, even if it takes a while to show through.How they change: He gets a haircut. HAHAHA. Okay, I’m joking. Gets over his reservations re: demons and demony bullshit, stops being so gung-ho about the blood magic business, stuff like that.

Why you love them: I’m a fan of characters who look serious and foreboding and are actually pretty chill. I am also a fan of those that look deadly serious but have a weird streak. Hypercompetent in some areas, utter dorks in others. :’)Full name: Tilottama KulkarniGender/orientation: Female, bi.Pronouns: She/herEthnicity/species: Lalaland Indian, from a family of snake witches.Birthplace/birthdate: March 6, in Maharashtra. Guilty pleasures: It’s a well-established fact that she likes people-watching, and sometimes making up stories about their lives when she’s bored or surveilling/staking out a mark. It goes without saying that the wilder and more sordid, the more fun. She’s not against sharing said stories, either, especially if the listening party is also involved in said story. The more horrified their reactions, the more fun!Phobias: Going insane and demoning out. Her family has quite the history of demoning out – almost a 100% rate, which is high even for witches. She tries to rein in the Sway from the Spine and mostly succeeds, but fears it getting to her; it’s a big part of why she ignored Eri’s offers of joining her grand demony agendas. She doesn’t need help in that, thanks.What they would be famous for: Setting a new world record for lowest limbo? Don’t look at her like that, it’s a perfectly valid claim to fame. Maybe in another life, she’d have become famous as a traditional dancer (and she used to try teaching Sav a bit too, but their styles are very different), but this is not that life, alas.What they would get arrested for: Cheerful obstruction of justice. She can be frustratingly obfuscating when she wants to be and knows it. I guess technically everyone here would get arrested for murder at some point or another, because, y’know. That’s just the way things are in Quell’s Wonderful Lalaland.Ship them with: Kinda had a casual thing with Millie when they were trainees, though she currently prefers making up her wild and sordid stories to actually being involved in them. At some point, everyone expected her and HP to be a thing since they were childhood friends but they never really got into that; both of them mutually agreed they weren’t each other’s type, and left it at that – though she did admit taming HP would’ve been a fun challenge, had he not eventually tamed himself. Haha.Most likely to murder them: Again, the Bureau is the most likely candidate – and for extra irony or whatever, it could well be Eri. For Science. You know, kill a witch whose family is known for demoning out, demon out yourself, eat the other. She’s also informed the likes of Ming, Lin and Yong to put her down in a worst case scenario, because she trusts in their abilities to put aside personal feelings and end things.Favourite movie/book genre: Historical fantasy dramas, and over-the-top theatrics with terrible effects. Sometimes they intersect and that’s TWICE THE FUN. Sure, serious historical dramas are great and all, don’t get her wrong (and she can get pretty emotional in them HAHA she’s the type of person to connect to the characters and resonate with the storyline or whatever) but she has a huge soft spot for the ones that take their unironic corniness up to eleven.Least favourite movie/book genre: Anything that should, by premise, be ridiculous as fuck, but takes itself too seriously. C’mon, man, where’s the fun in that? There’s way too much media that takes itself too seriously. You gotta be able to laugha t yourself and relish and revel in your cheesiness sometimes.Talents/powers: Can chug a litre of liquid in under twenty seconds. It made for a neat party trick and still kinda does! Just, y’know. Not that often. And uhh I guess even as an archer and a generally ranged caster she’s very good with melee and hand-to-hand and her favourite approach to solving closer-ranged problems is to punch it right in the face. Even amongst water-root witches she’s a very fast and fluid caster, and can use minimal movement and gesture to great effect.Why someone might love them: She’s chill, she’s fun, she’s a good listener. A good budget therapist, in a pinch! She’s pretty perceptive and good at picking up on subtle cues or subconscious hints even if the other person may not even know about them. Guess there’s a good reason she’s trusted with a lot of negotiation stuff and/or recon.How they change: She’ll eventually accept that demoning out isn’t really in her power and she probably won’t get a lot of say in it, and to stop being so paranoid about it happening. It’s okay, carpe diem and all that, and she learns to embrace that fully, and practise what she preaches.

Why you love them: I like characters that stay idealistic and true to themselves despite the world being crapsack. She’s not quite on the level of Yuna or Nagi, but she’s also not as jaded as some her age are.

#meme #txt #orig #sera #cass #lottie #THIS GOT REALLY LONG-WINDED LMAO.

[imagine--drv3]

Can I ask for the boys reaction to their s/o being yandere toward them? Please<3

Ah, I love writing yandere stuff, enjoy! 

Korekiyo Shinguuji

he thought your relationship was going really, really well!

you were such a nice girl, such a kind person, definitely the light of his everyday life.

that’s what he thought, at least, until one day, a friend of his went missing.

a close friend. gone.

he was pretty shaken all day, so he came to you for comfort...

only to find you disposing of her body.

he was just kind of struck at first, confused and scared and pissed and wanting to know why.

for him, of course! because you love him! because nobody else can lay their hands on you, their eyes on you, you won’t let them.

her pretty eyes were always on him...so you took them out.

she won’t look at him ever again.

you’re laughing now, like this is funny, and he’s just staring at you because he doesn’t understand.

he thought you were truly a pure human.

you promise it was all for him!

you couldn’t have him leaving you for some other girl, that would be heartbreaking!

you tell him he can’t leave you.

not now, not ever.

as scared as he is, he finds your mind to be an absolute labyrinth.

he wants to know more. he wants to get to the core of why you act this way.

you’re insane, truly insane, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you.

he feels trapped.

but he stays.

he tries his best to keep you stable, and when he thinks you’re going to snap, he gets you the hell away from anybody and everybody who might even be looking at you, because he doesn’t entirely know what sets you off...

but he knows he can fix you. if he just keeps trying, he can fix you.

he’s just a little afraid of what you’re capable of.

short leash it is!

Rantarou Amami

you’ve been acting off all day, this isn’t like you.

why won’t you let him leave the house?? he just needs to go get some groceries.

he’s concerned and confused, because you really, really don’t want him to leave the house.

you’re practically locked onto his arm, just pulling him back into the house every time he tries to go to the door.

he finally asks why??

and so you tell him.

the neighbour was eyeing him up yesterday, you’re sure of it. she wants his body.

his body that belongs to you.

you demand that he stays him, nobody else can look at him, nobody.

so you hold him, practically shaking with fear, fear that somebody will take him away from you.

you can’t let that happen.

he’s not liking this side of you, he liked the side of you that was caring and sweet, so why are you suddenly acting like this now that somebody else is taking an interest in him?

you say that only you can have him, only you, nobody else.

you love him too much to let him slip away from you.

he’s a little concerned at first, but decides that you’re probably just protective...

and he loves you, so he’ll let it slide this time.

but he’s a little shaken now.

he wishes you wouldn’t be so controlling.

he doesn’t really understand how deep this goes...

and hopefully, he’ll never have to.

Ouma Kokichi

he was honestly pretty pissed off when his head servant went missing.

he had been calling for her all day, and getting nothing.

it wasn’t like her to slack though. ouma is her supreme leader, so why was she ignoring him?

he decided to look around for her, but couldn’t have expected to find her lying on the ground bleeding out.

he also couldn’t have expected to see you kneeling over her, stabbing her over and over and over again.

he just stares, awestruck and terrified, watching you stab her over and over and over and over-

he leaves without saying a word, before you can even see him.

he actually has to rush to the bathroom to vomit, he just watched you mutilate a corpse.

his sweet innocent S/O, mutilating a dead body.

he’s pale and sweating and scared.

he’s afraid of you. he’s afraid of what you can do.

you actually managed to lie to him...?

well, in your mind, that’s what that nasty bitch gets for spending so much time around your man.

how fucking dare she.

when you finally clean up and go back ouma, he simply welcomes you back with a smile.

he just needs to forget about this.

he needs to push it into the back of his mind, he needs to push his fear and disgust down, and he needs to love you unconditionally.

he’s absolutely terrified, but he’s so much more terrified of being alone.

sure, you just killed one of the most prominent people in his daily life, but...

you’re still here.

and he needs you to stay, no matter what.

so he’ll let you kill for him, he’ll let you think he doesn’t know.

as long as you come home at the end of every day.

but that doesn’t stop him from breaking down and crying sometimes because he’s so afraid of you and he loves you so, so much.

Shuuichi Saihara

he had actually been investigating the murder of a young woman when he found out.

a woman he had just done a case for the other day. so this was actually really suspicious.

he had found almost no clues at all, nothing to help but a knife at the murder scene.

...

a really, really familiar knife.

a knife that looked a lot like the ones you kept at home.

coincidence, he assumed.

but that all changed when he found your bloody clothes in the laundry.

he was terrified at first, there was no way, no way you killed her.

he didn’t want to paint you in a negative light, but...

he had to ask. he couldn’t just let this slide.

and it really didn’t take much for you to admit to what you had done to her.

it was the explaining that took a little longer.

she had been spending so much time with him, she had been keeping him away from you with her stupid case.

he had even missed your date last night because of that bitch and her case.

so you handled it.

you took her out of the picture, so now he doesn’t have to spend time with her anymore!

he doesn’t even know what to say, he’s terrified of you, you just murdered somebody so he would love you more.

but no matter how scared he is, he’s more scared that you’ll do something awful to him if he tries to leave.

and regardless, he can’t force himself to stop loving you...

and he can’t bring himself to turn you in.

but because he can’t bring himself to stop you in any way, this just keeps happening again and again.

he lets you overtake him.

he lets you keep him as your own.

he lets you claim him.

there was never any hope for him from the start.

Kaito Momota

he loves you so, so much.

you’re all his joy in the world! you’re adorable, happy, friendly, and by his book, you could never do anything wrong.

so you can imagine his surprise when this all went down.

it started with a childhood friend of his going missing for a week.

it continued with you disappearing for hours at a time.

it ended with her head in a box on his doorstep.

he was horrified.

you were so confused, didn’t he think she was pretty? you thought this would be a good gift AND get her out of the way, two birds with one stone!

he loves it...right?

he can’t stop crying, but he’s furious, you just killed somebody.

he doesn’t take it in a stride.

he doesn’t accept it.

he doesn’t accept you.

he tells you he’s calling the police, and that he’s not letting you get away with this.

but...you can’t really let him do that, you hope he understands.

and besides, you cut the phone cord hours ago, silly kaito.

he was panicking by this point, he needed to leave.

so he tried to run from you.

but you REALLY can’t let him do that.

so instead, he’s going to stay with you forever.

locked away.

and you will never, ever let him go.

he’s terrified of you. he wants to get away from you. but he can’t stop loving you, so he tries to fix you.

you can’t be fixed.

Kiibo

it took him a while to realize he was missing some memories, that he was blacking out at random points in the day, and that he was running out of storage.

it didn’t take him long after he realized that to realize that he was starting to hear your voice when you weren’t there.

was this a bug? a glitch?

no, no, there was no bug like this.

eventually the voice got louder, spoke more often, telling him how much you loved him, how much you cared about him, how nobody would ever love him like you do.

and then it got darker.

it told him that you loved him more than you loved anything else in the world, how he didn’t need a single other person in his life when he had you, how you would have him all to yourself forever no matter what the consequences.

he brought it up with you a few times, looking genuinely unnerved and scared, but you just kept saying you didn’t hear anything, and that you had no idea what he was talking about, and that he should run a virus scan.

it keeps getting louder and louder, more and more frequent until he finally just couldn’t take it anymore.

you were there when he broke down, yelling and crying and sparking and demanding answers from you, completely hysterical.

he just wanted silence.

it was so loud, it hurt him, every word cut deeper and deeper.

he’s so scared, so scared, so-

and then he shuts down.

overheated.

you sigh, another failed attempt at making him love you.

oh well. you’ll delete the memories and try again tomorrow. new approach, maybe.

Gonta Gokuhara

he would never find out.

not ever.

he’s too trusting, he loves you too much.

you’re too manipulative, you want him too much.

so he’ll believe whatever you tell him, and he’ll love you forever, and he’ll never know that you’re a murderous psychopath willing to do anything to claim him.

or at least, that’s how things were for a long time.

but you can only trick somebody for so long before they catch on.

with gona, it actually probably could have gone on forever if you hadn’t let him witness you.

it was something that didn’t seem too bad to you, actually very tame.

you had snuck into his room to kill the things that took up so much of his love, the love that belonged to you.

those stupid, worthless bugs of his.

you had killed every single one in every single tank, every cage, every terrarium, all emptied, every bug slaughtered.

your plan was to dispose of the mess and play dumb if he asked about them, but...

that was hard to do when he was standing in the doorway, staring at you and your handfuls of dead insects.

he was enraged.

he wanted to hurt you.

but a gentleman would never.

he just kind of stared at you, confused and hurt and crying.

you were such a caring person, how could you do something like this? he thought you really liked his bugs.

his fear and sniveling is almost enough to make you feel guilty.

almost.

you say you did it for him, everything is for him, but he needs to be paying attention to you instead of them!

he doesn’t understand.

he could never understand.

but he could also never abandon you, he’s a true gentleman.

so he stays...even if it mentally destroys him in the end.

he never gives you any affection anymore, just cold, sad, scared looks. nothing more.

was it really worth doing this to him...?

of course.

Ryouma Hoshi

he doesn’t wait to see what happens.

he confronts you the second things start getting suspicious, the second he starts seeing your bloody clothes, the second sharp objects in the house start going missing.

and you’re not going to lie to him, that’ll only make him more suspicious.

so you’re open.

you killed the neighbour.

she deserved it for daring to lay her eyes on you.

she deserved it for coming to the house to bring you things.

she had to die for the two of you to be happy together!

he knew it, but he still didn’t want to believe it.

and he loves you, he loves you so, so much, but he can’t love this.

he can’t love you thinking you can own him like this.

he’s disgusted with your kill.

no matter how much you beg, how much you plead, he leaves.

he thought you were different, he thought you were proof that not everybody in this world is scum.

he guesses he was wrong after all.

you’re just as bad as he is.

#danganronpa #new danganronpa v3 #drv3 #drv3 imagine #imagine #self insert #yandere #mod ouma #korekiyo shinguuji #rantarou amami #ouma kokichi #shuuichi saihara #kaito momota #kiibo #gonta gokuhara #ryouma hoshi

[thefilmfatale]

Moonlight (2016) [Movie Review]

Never has a movie been so quiet and yet so profoundly moving as Barry Jenkins’ Moonlight, the critically acclaimed adaptation of a play by Tarell McCraney. The coming-of-age story, about a young black man discovering his sexuality as he grows up in a broken home amidst a rough Miami neighborhood, is uniquely intimate yet at the same time achingly familiar. Moonlight immerses the audience in the experience of a boy beleaguered by questions about who he is and how he fits in the world, opening a window into a young life filled with neglect and isolation, but also hope and tenderness. While Moonlight’s story is, admittedly, hardly new, what’s absolutely certain is that no one has told it quite this way before. Jenkins steers this story gingerly and gracefully, assuming a protective, almost steward-like role in ensuring that Chiron’s story unfolds in a respectful yet evocative way. And he succeeds. Moonlight is quite the moving masterpiece, pulling viewers in with its commanding performances, haunting score, and arresting cinematography.  

The story of Moonlight is told in three acts, each corresponding to a stage of Chiron’s life: childhood, adolescence and, finally, adulthood. We begin with Little (played by Alex Hibbert), who appears on screen with his perpetually pursed lips and somber expression, fleeing from a horde of rambunctious boys who chase him all the way from school into a ramshackle housing project, where he seeks refuge. Little (whose nickname was given to him by his peers because of his diminutive stature) stumbles around the decrepit apartment, observing the remnants of its former occupants: crumbs of furniture, broken liquor bottles, and drug needles. In a short sequence, Jenkins vividly paints the picture of the world Chiron (Little’s given name) lives in: a neighborhood plagued by drugs, violence, and absentee parents. But while the film touches on these big picture issues, its focus is ultimately on the child caught in the middle of this storm. This painstaking attention to our protagonist’s plight is what firmly grounds Moonlight, allowing it to address serious problems like poverty and the dangers of drug use in a subtle yet provocative way that is never sententious. But at the end of the day, what makes Moonlight compelling is its subject matter: growing up as a gay black man, something we’ve never seen on screen before. There’s tremendous responsibility in taking that on, yet Jenkins rightly opts for a subtle touch, not a heavy hand, in unpacking this story.                 

Little meets Juan (played by House of Cards’ Mahershala Ali), a drug dealer with an imposing demeanor and a heart of gold, and forms an interesting bond with him. With no father figure around, Little is drawn to the paternal doting that Juan shows him, although he never says as much. The boy says very few words in the film, despite Juan’s prodding. But when he finally breaks his silence, his words reverberate through the film in such a powerful way. There is a particularly poignant exchange in the film where Little quietly asks Juan, “What’s a faggot?” To which Juan, shifting uneasily in his seat knowing the weight of the question just asked of him, slowly replies, “A faggot is... a word used to make gay people feel bad.” It’s perhaps the simplest yet most succinct definition of the slur I’ve ever heard, and that scene exemplified a master class in how to talk to a child about the complicated, ugly matters of the world. The thoughtfulness in Juan’s response and the fact that he indulged a child’s innocent question about something so controversial shattered the stereotypes many hold about the types of people who become drug dealers. There was a humanity in that depiction, a rejection of the tired, one-dimensional trope of the boorish thug we’ve seen so many times on screen before.      

Little’s relationship with Juan enrages his mother Paula (played by Naomie Harris), a working mother who also nurses a drug habit. She reacts to Juan bringing her boy home with anger and suspicion, knowing full well who he is and not wanting her child to be wrapped up in drugs like she has. While viewers will quickly realize the hypocrisy in this, Moonlight is careful in the way it chooses to paint Paula. Instead of dismissing her as one of those mere neglectful parents, Jenkins instead chooses to make her a symbol of the insidious effects drugs have on the people we love. One moment Paula is protective and nurturing of Chiron, the next she’s like a woman possessed, clawing at her teenage son’s pockets for money so she can buy more drugs. Paula is a woman whose self-image is wrapped around her being a mother, but her addiction hijacks her control. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see a child witnessing their only parent - the one who is supposed to care for them unconditionally and provide unflinching support - slowly come undone. Moonlight highlights that sense of betrayal that we feel on behalf of the children who have to go through ordeals like these, but never in a way that seems cloying or hyperbolic.

Naomie Harris portrays Paula with the brilliance of a true artist, completely disappearing behind the sunken eyes and broken spirit of a woman with a history too tragic to even begin to unravel. Harris’ performance was one of complete abandon. The audience saw how much she surrendered herself to the material. The way her eyes flew open wildly as she spat profanities at Chiron, or the way her hate seemed to envelop her completely...Jenkins borrows a bit from German expressionism in his use of lighting to portray the duality of Paula’s character. One scene shows Paula standing in the middle of a hallway bathed in red light, her face contorted into an expression of complete disdain. It seemed to me that this was Jenkins’ way of relating to the audience what it feels like to be on the receiving end of an addict’s wrath. Harris commanded the audience’s attention and really served as the emotional tip of the spear for the film.  

In the second act of the film, we meet a teenage Chiron (Ashton Sanders), who is struggling to navigate the battlefield that is high school. Chiron is constantly hectored about what is perceived to be his effeminate manner. His classmates leer at him, while he elicits the unhelpful pitying glances of his teachers. At this point in the film, the audience has an inkling that Chiron is going through some pretty conflicted feelings in his quest for self-discovery. He knows he’s different; hell, everyone in his school treats him that way. But Chiron lacks clarity in the way many kids who are unsure of their identities experience every day, and it’s tearing him up and driving him deeper into his shell even more. But there’s a bright spot in this cruel chapter of high school: Chiron has a friend in Kevin (Jharrel Jerome), whom he’s known since he was a child. Kevin has a soft spot for Chiron, acknowledging his awkwardness playfully instead of being mean-spirited like the other kids were. In the beginning, Chiron seems to be envious of Kevin’s confidence and popularity. But this quickly dissolves into a sense of admiration, then into a shy crush.

A scene that exhibited Jenkins’ masterful restraint as director was the beach rendezvous between Chiron and Kevin. Since it was a pivotal point in the film - precipitating Chiron’s sexual awakening - this could have gone so many different, more sensational ways. Jenkins chose to treat the scene tastefully and tenderly instead, positioning the camera behind the actors so that the viewers weren’t participants in this act of intimacy but, rather, wallflowers. With the use of deliberate editing and careful mise-en-scène, we became witnesses to a pivotal, tender moment instead of a mass of ogling, peeping toms. It’s decisions like these that cemented Jenkins as an  auteur with a very distinct point of view and a subtle, but provocative touch. Few directors have exhibited the restraint necessary in telling intimate stories like these. Jenkins is one of them.  

The sweetness of the beach encounter is almost instantly snuffed in the events that follow. Chiron gets into a school brawl that sends him to jail, a story that is unfortunately all too familiar for young men growing up in neighborhoods like these. We are transported to nearly a decade later, where we meet an adult Chiron (now dubbed Black, the nickname Kevin gave Chiron). Black is a completely transformed Chiron. Gone is the lanky, awkward youth, replacing him is a muscled man sporting a golden grill, driving around in a fancy car. Black is the new Juan, and he’s now running the streets of this small Miami town. Prison time obviously contributed to this transformation, but viewers know the hardening of this once meek young man was due to a betrayal from Kevin. In Black we see the cyclical nature of life in these streets, how children of drugs go on to become drug dealers or drug users, passing through the revolving door of poverty and misfortune. And on and on.

Black gets an unexpected call from Kevin, who is now a chef at a diner a few miles outside of town. Kevin apologizes for being involved in the brawl that sent Chiron to prison, and it seems like too little too late. There’s so much tension in this scene, you could cut it with a knife. Black is a mixture of confusion, hurt, anger, indignation, but in tried and true Chiron, he is speechless at this surprise reconnection. Kevin is unchanged, the same ebullient and self-assured person Black knew in his younger years. But Black...he’s not the Chiron he used to be. He’s changed now; he’s more imposing, commanding attention and even fear. But hearing from Kevin makes Black feel like that awkward, mumbling teenager again, unsure in his own skin and always struggling to find the words. Kevin extends an invitation to drop by his diner and Black jumps at it, driving miles to see his childhood friend. The way this interaction plays out is full of gentle tenderness. It’s in these few final scenes that Jenkins reminds the audience that while Moonlight is at its core a coming-of-age tale about the troubled childhood of a gay, black man, it’s rooted in a love story that spans ages. We instantly feel that tinge of unrequited love as we watching Black and Kevin gaze longingly across the table at each other to the jukebox tune of Barbara Lewis’ “Hello Stranger”. Watching this scene beautifully unfold was a reminder that there isn’t anything out there quite like Moonlight.

It’s no easy feat, to tell a story rife with so much emotion and turmoil, and yet Barry Jenkins accomplishes just that with Moonlight. In a single story, he managed to highlight the struggles of the impoverished, the drug-addled and the world weary, all through the lens of a young, black gay man. Moonlight addresses important social issues, but what makes it effective is that it’s firmly rooted in a deeply personal story that everyone, regardless of race or gender, can relate to. All men can relate to that feeling of growing up with images of masculinity shoved down their throats; men grow up learning to bottle their emotions because they are told men don’t cry, or men don’t express themselves because that’s what women do. Anyone who’s ever grown up with drugs as a constant in their household can attest to the pernicious effect they have in destroying families and dooming children to a life of poverty and crime.

Moonlight takes all of that on, yes, but at the end of the day, it is best summarized in the scene where Mahershala Ali’s Juan is teaching Little how to swim. The water is harsh at first, even unforgiving, but as soon as Little trusts his body enough to let go, he starts to float. A child with the world seemingly on his shoulders, feeling completely weightless in the vast ocean...floating was a gift. The swimming lesson was an act of compassion from someone who understood what it means to be young and unsure of your way. It was a temporary reprieve from the burden of carrying secrets or nursing old wounds. Moonlight is a jukebox melody dedicated to those out there who are still waiting to float, a song for the black gay men out there who are still trying to find their way. It’s for the gay men and women who never saw themselves in any images on television, who grew up without fathers who could answer their gnawing questions, who have yet to experience the weightlessness to be free to be yourself.

#Moonlight #Barry Jenkins #Movie Reviews #mahershala ali #naomie harris #Tarell McCraney

[hibiscushut]

The truth needs so little rehearsal

I started my first relationship when I was 16. He was my best friend from church, a tall and awkward boy with a lopsided grin and wonky haircut and a penchant for Star Wars and video games. He followed me around a youth camp for a weekend, while I battled with whether I should be annoyed by his constant presence, or give in to the curiosity of what boys had to offer.

We kissed in the woods and he became my first. My first kiss, my first love, and my first heartbreak three years later.

I loved him with the same passionate intensity I remember seeing in the eyes and hearts of the teenagers I teach today. When puffy-eyed girls came to throw their woes of breakups and loss on my teacher’s desk, a piece of my heart broke with them. Because I remember how deep the love was.

I find myself defending the depth of what some might easily describe as puppy love. Colleagues would roll their eyes over the antics of teenagers entering and exiting these fleeting moments of love. I could see the yearning to be loved in the eyes of young women who hoped to fill the void left by absent fathers, insufficient mothers, and robbed childhoods. I saw them beg to be loved–often looking for the kind of emotional support only given by someone committed equally to reckless abandon–a disaster in the making from the start.

No 17 year-old boy is equipped to provide the support needed to save these girls. But God save them, they’d try. Or they’d enter into the equation unknowingly committing themselves to a business venture doomed to failure. No foundation, a house waiting to crumble under the weight of years of neglect and of jerry rigged patchwork repairs.

But it’s certainly fun while it lasts.

Because in those three years I learned what it was to love without fear, to explore our bodies knowing full and well that neither of us had a clue what to do…I remember being so embarrassed to buy condoms for our first time that we drove an extra 15 minutes away to find the Walmart where we didn’t think people we knew shopped.

I remember getting so irritated to have to buy them that we opted to buy the huge box (which I jokingly referred to as the “Family size.”) We had to sneak…which was part of the fun. Because his mom was a snoop, we hid a backup condom in a random Aviary Guide leftover from Scouting, so sex became referred to as “Birdwatching.” I learned a lot about birdwatching in 3 years.

I learned how my blood flows, how my back arches, and how my fingers find sheets or clothing or skin to grip in anticipation of release. I became skillful in avoiding a stick shift on my left knee and how to use a headrest for support when fucking in the front seat. I lied, made him lie, and spent too many nights “at the library” to justify my lackluster 3.8 GPA–so I could feel the intimacy of another kindred soul, just trying to get through life.

And it was beautiful. I was so very lucky, I didn’t have drama or insecurity, or unfulfilled curiosity in high school. I got to love with reckless abandon until college came, and we went our separate ways.

The scariest day came when I realized I was alone. That my silly dreams were never going to work out. And I had to start over.

So I did what every good trooper does. I wiped my tears, packaged up the tender pieces left from my broken heart, and I became a woman.

And I was fearless. Fearless because I knew that power comes from being the person who cares the least.

I knew what I liked, and for an 18 year old, that’s dangerous knowledge. And it’s sexy. I could be bold and courageous and get what I wanted because I laid out the terms (with no uncertainty) that I was willing to offer XYZ in exchange for ABC. I’m not looking for love (I wasn’t) and you can’t fall in love (or I’m out.)

So I thoroughly enjoyed most of my twenties. I had short affairs, long-standing agreements, and some in-between. I knew when it was time to cut out, reiterate the rules, and from time to time, when to cheat to seal the deal.

Because I was powerfully in control of my wants, my needs, and desires.

I am not proud of some of the people I’ve hurt along the way. In retrospect, a few deserved a chance at more. But I don’t live with an ounce of regret. Until perhaps, now.

Because when I met Lee, he was broken. And I was growing tired of the game. So I swooped in, gave him a shoulder to cry on, and mended his brokenness with my faithful determination to make his (and my) life better. I was devoted in a way I had never been. Because I was rewriting the rules and I figured (I’m laughing as I type this) that if I did this “right” that it had to work. If I closed my eyes to curious contenders, and became his cheerleader, that I would be able to fill the gaps left from his broken childhood, his negligent mother, and his fearful single father.

I could be his hero.

A month ago in counseling Deborah (who I am convinced is the smartest listener I’ve ever met) asked him, “Do you believe that unconditional love exists?” And he quickly responded, no hesitation, “No, of course not.”

I’m not sure I spoke for the rest of the session.

People with Attachment Disorder, which loosely is described as a condition that stems from an insecure childhood from birth-3 years of age, often feel that no one is capable of a love that conquers all. Because of this, when things are “too good” they self-sabotage.

For me, that meant discovering a series of indiscretions including a year-long affair with my best friend, and a half-dozen other affairs over the last five years.

I loved this man unconditionally until I just felt stupid.

So everyday I choose to love my children, with passionate intensity, because I’ll be damned if they grow up believing that true love can’t exist. And I’ve tried over the last year to find joy in everyday living with my husband, because I have hope that he’ll learn to accept his past and embrace the life that’s sitting in front of him.

But I owe it to myself and my children to love myself unconditionally, too,

In retrospect, if I’m really being honest with myself, I never took that packaged shattered heart off my high school shelf. It’s still tucked away under piles of useless shit gathered over the years.

When you described the part of sex when someone really lets go, the sentiment slammed me in the stomach. In truth, it made me cry. I know exactly what that moment is, how it feels, and why it would be an intoxicating moment to share with someone.

You’re an odd duck, Dr. Wiener. Too smart for your own britches. You’re too smart, too fit, and too self-confident for my taste. I feel like I’d never feel beautiful enough, thin enough, or smart enough to rally wits in a debate. I have a 156 IQ, but I’m not well-read and I don’t have a slew of letters scrambling after my name. I’m 6 classes shy of my Masters because I had kids. You win on too many counts. And you know how to ask the right questions and dig in to capture the essence of a conversation, minus the bullshit I’ve learned to use. I feel like sleeping with you would be a battle. I’d be too concerned with telling my brain to shut up, while attempting to keep my head above water. And let’s face it. I’m a hot mess.

Talking to you is like being forced to dance in front of a floor to ceiling mirror. I love dancing–just don’t make me watch.

But I am very thankful to have met you. You have made me think about my life in a new way. And when you talk about integrity, it made me realize something very important. I never want to act in a way that I have to make unnecessary excuses for.

Since we started talking, I’d be lying if I said I’ve gone an hour without thinking about you. I’m telling you this with the caveat that I’m a level-headed woman and you don’t have to reiterate that it’s foolish to “have feelings” for you. I get it. I know the rules. You’re not my hero and you can’t fix things, blah blah blah. You’re just a beautiful escape. You aren’t fully real to me, so I want to know more.

The day will come when we go 2, then 3 weeks without a text or call, and you’ll eventually be a fond memory or someone I could call for an honest appraisal of life. No hard feelings.

And maybe, who knows, we’ll meet and it’ll be one of those moments when we see each other and it’s like waking up after a drunken hook-up and the person you thought you met doesn’t match the memory. Unfortunate, but fun while it lasted.

It’s 12:57. And I’m sleepy. I’ll read over this once, but know it’s the best draft you’re gonna get. I’m not writing to be nearly as witty as you. You win. ;)