#( sometimes... i honestly wish to see my seoah in love once more )

[kkotseo]

—    BASICS.

▸     IS    YOUR    MUSE    TALL    /    SHORT    /    AVERAGE ? Seoah’s height is 164.7 cm. A running gag I’ve been keeping ever since the actual singer tweeted about it with so much pride since she grew a bit taller. Certainly, it must not be that exact measurement anymore, but one can let her muse dream about being slightly above average. For an Asian, of course.

▸      ARE    THEY    OKAY    WITH    THEIR    HEIGHT ? As aforementioned, Seoah is content with her height. She’s not too short, not too tall. There’s really no point in complaining about an unchangeable element of hers. She had done her best to grow as tall as she could.

▸      WHAT’S    THEIR    HAIR    LIKE ? High-maintenance. Due to her career, the experimentation with dyes and hairstyles is inevitable. Her hair succumbed so many colorations and bleaches that it won’t be a surprise of the damages gathered with time. However, Seoah makes sure to give the proper treatments and care so that her hair remains healthy and smooth. Not just by appearance. 

▸     DO    THEY    SPEND    A    LOT    OF    TIME    ON    THEIR    HAIR     /    GROOMING ? Yes and no. When it involves work, Seoah has her hair groomed by her hairstylist. She had spent many mornings at a salon. No way the number of visits will decrease anytime soon. Though, whenever she has calmer days, the singer ensures to give the proper treatment to her hair ( shampoo, conditioner, occasional hair mask, heat-resistance serum and blow-dry ), but no more. She usually just let her hair be or tie into a bun or a ponytail. Something quick and easy!

▸      DOES   YOUR   MUSE   CARE   ABOUT   THEIR   APPEARANCE   /   WHAT    OTHERS    THINK ? Again, yes and no. Yes, as a person belonging to the entertainment industry, appearances are very important. Seoah has debuted among idols and was seen as one for a long time. Surely, some do still see her as one despite her path took a different intersection than the one of idols. However, due to the innocent image she must keep as a marketing strategy from her previous company, it became quite a burden to break apart people’s expectations of her. It didn’t mean she didn’t succeed in doing so. And no, Seoah cares very little about what others think most of the time. She says what she has to say and will listen to varied opinions. She won’t let herself be someone else to please them though. She has dealt with hate ever since her debut. For being honest and confident, the opposite of how she appears to be. For being multifaceted rather than one-dimensional. For being too close or friendly with her male friends who have too many overprotective fans. She had many years of practice to get to this level of care. Doubt the unfairly unjustified hatred will stop someday too.

—    PREFERENCES.

▸     INDOORS    OR    OUTDOORS ? ▸     RAIN  OR    SUNSHINE ? ▸     FOREST    OR    BEACH ? ▸     PRECIOUS    METALS  OR    GEMS ? ▸     FLOWERS    OR    PERFUMES ? ▸     PERSONALITY    OR    APPEARANCE ? ▸     BEING    ALONE    OR    BEING    IN    A    CROWD ? ▸     ORDER    OR    ANARCHY ? ▸     PAINFUL    TRUTHS    OR   WHITE    LIES ? ▸     SCIENCE    OR    MAGIC ? ▸     PEACE    OR    CONFLICT ? ▸     NIGHT    OR    DAY ? ▸     DUSK    OR   DAWN ? ▸     WARMTH    OR    COLD ? ▸     MANY   ACQUAINTANCES    OR    A    FEW    CLOSE    FRIENDS ? ▸     READING    OR    PLAYING    A    GAME ?

—    QUESTIONNAIRE.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    OF    YOUR    MUSE’S    BAD    HABITS ? Seoah has little fear of expressing herself. Loud and clear. Her honesty caused her many misadventures and misinterpretations. People do enjoy playing with her words, cutting parts and reassembling them to how they feel just. Knowing where she stands in the world she works in, she despises how she’s put under the wrong spotlight for something inoffensive. Therefore, she will argue to get her thoughts through. She’s also stubborn which doesn’t help her case when there are times she must comply rather than hold her ground.

Another bad habit that contradicts the previous subject: concealing her burdens. There are personal matters that she suppresses behind her usual gentle smile. Even if she may mention them on a whim, even if she’s capable to speak about her heartbreaks and whatnot, Seoah purposefully reduces them to vague trivialities. Out of honesty, the general idea is out. Out of cowardice, the details are sealed. It may sound selfish for someone who comforts and listen to others’ troubles, who doesn’t want people to drown in their own misery. But to play pretend seems to be the easiest route to take to not worry anyone. And there’s this twisted belief that fake smiles will eventually become genuine. Her ruse will trick her someday and make her forget the pain she’d gone through.

▸      HAS    YOUR    MUSE    LOST    ANYONE    CLOSE    TO    THEM ?      HOW    HAS    IT    AFFECTED    THEM ? Her first love, her precious first dog and people from the music industry she believed close to them. The first loss was the fatal catalyst and the rest further deepened the lingering pain. She can’t say she grew numb of the desolate news and inevitable departures. Death is inevitable after all. Each their own lifespan, but that realization made the soloist felt emptier and lonelier with each people passing away, whether reaching their time or prematurely ending it. 

The old Seoah, the young innocent Junhee, believed in forever. She believed it strongly as her universe consisted of tales with happily ever afters. She was those little girls groomed with dreams formed behind pink shaded glasses. She was also those girls who only looked straight ahead, charging despite the obstacles, wielding her own armour, sword and shield. She believed in a lifelong relationship with her first love, built a world for just the two of them. She believed so naively that her life was set in stone back then. Only to crumble in front of her eyes without anything she could do about it.  

Now, Seoah does not believe in forever nor does she believe in long-lasting promises. It does not require death for people to just come and go in her life. And she’ll greet them all with a warm smile. She may not know how long their stay will be, but she’ll make sure they appreciate her existence even if brief. She knows it will hurt each time too. But that can’t be helped. Life has been cruel to her for a long, long time. However, it is precious and each new day should be spent with a smile.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    FOND    MEMORIES    YOUR    MUSE    HAS ?   Her childhood memories are usually the first to resurface whenever she feels the need to extract bits of happiness from the past. It’s a habit of hers now. For years, within the darkness of her apartment, her velvety voice reaching no one’s ears as she lets go of bottled up emotions through ballads. Sometimes, they are songs from the past, resuming the carefree days. Little Seoah would play to be many characters and creatures, goof around with her younger brother and burst into laughter. Those were the days. Other times, she’ll sing love songs to recall what it felt to be in love and be loved. Even if those memories had come to an end, they are reminders that there was once a time she was genuinely happy. She’ll hold onto them as to not forget. Not everything is sorrowful in this world.

▸     IS    IT    EASY    FOR    YOUR    MUSE    TO    KILL ? Absolutely not. Look at her and you’ll understand why.

▸      WHAT’S    IT    LIKE    WHEN    YOUR    MUSE    BREAKS    DOWN ? Quiet, rare and unpredictable. If there’s even a chance of someone finding her in that state, three causes are plausible: she’s very unlucky with the time, space and mood coming together to gather witnesses, she’s under the heavy influence of alcohol combined with a miserable predisposition or she has given up on pretending to be her usual happy self. Her breakdown does not come with a heads-up. You’ll see her growing abnormally silent, her smile barely holding itself. You’ll see her fight with all her might to prevent the upcoming disaster. Of course, bottled up emotions will tip over the lid, the fizz erupting like a volcano, loud and clear in her mind. The mental visual differs greatly from reality as you’ll see her cover her face, hurrying clumsily to curl herself into a ball at a recluse spot. If she may not have the time or strength to do that, her shaky hands will cover her eyes as cascades of tears silently fall on her worn-out expression. She’ll be in denial for a moment. She’ll try to maintain a smile and wipe away her tears at best. Eventually, she’ll surrender. She won’t be able to speak at all. Choked up words stuck on the back of her throat, there will only be sobbing. And a silent call for help.

▸      IS    YOUR    MUSE    CAPABLE    OF    TRUSTING    SOMEONE    WITH    THEIR    LIFE ? Yes, her family and a very few number of confidants. 

▸      WHAT’S    YOUR    MUSE    LIKE    WHEN    THEY’RE    IN    LOVE ?

There was once a time she would love with her entire heart. She would offer it to you without hesitation, her eyes holding the brightest constellations and meteor showers. She would give time and space for her lover, eager to prepare dates. She would chatter about how much she cared for him. She would get through sleepless nights to write songs for him or make something adorable as gifts. She would go on car rides with him to see the stars and have a quick getaway to the sea. Nowadays, she may not be as bold and shamelessly innocently romantic as she was back then. She may not hold the same galaxies within her dark orbs. Her desire to shower her significant other with love remains. Even if it means hiding the remnants of what she can still claim as her heart. Seoah will message her lover daily, send selfies and videos with filters. She will show her affection through hugs, cuddles and snuggles. Perhaps playful pecks occasionally. Kisses may come later, far later, when the fear of losing the chance of a budding romance to bloom falters. She will spare time in her agenda for him. That won’t change. She’ll come to him whenever she’ll be free. Stargazing, watching animes, drawing on each other’s arms and face and whatnot. Any moment is now considered too precious to take it for granted. And she’ll love in silence though she’ll soften at the sound of his name and hearing others speak positively of her boyfriend. She won’t say I love you as often as she used to. Though she’ll make sure to make them worthwhile when she’ll utter the three special words.

Seoah promises to love wholeheartedly when the time will come once more. But will she keep that promise when that truly happens? Who knows. She’s scared.

tagged by :  @thecosmicsen​ & @lavtiena​ ( thank you so much you two! ; u ; ) tagging :  @querenciant​, @daiseun​, @geumija​, @94lost​, @94vousmevoyez​, @automaticfurytaco​, @seonothajun​ & anyone who wants to do it ( if you have already done it, sorry for tagging you again! (ᗒᗣᗕ) ) !

#.supplements #.completed #tw. suicide mention #tw. death mention #( sometimes... i honestly wish to see my seoah in love once more ) #( but i know it will take a very loooooooooooooong time ) #( it got long as i kept typing ) #( OTL )