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nicoline1998enilocin · 5 months

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Fluffcember Day 6 | Apology accepted

Pairing | Husband!Ari Levinson x Wife!Fem!Reader

Word count | 2.4K

Summary | You and Ari have a big fight, and it doesn't go how Ari thinks when you storm out of the house. Spending time apart has always been difficult for the both of you since you've constantly been conjoined at the hip. The time apart gives you both time to think, and when you come back, Ari is more than ready to apologize the best way he knows how.

Warning(s) | Established relationship ~ husband & wife, use of a pet name ~ Princess

Angst | Swearing, mentions of a big fight, mention of a past abusive relationship, Ari is an absolute ass in the beginning of the story

Smut |unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), oral ~ F & M receiving, squirting, 69, dirty talk, size kink, belly bulge

A/n | This one-shot is written for day 6 of my Fluffcember 2023 Challenge. Thank you to @ccbsrmsf1 for proofreading this one, it is deeply appreciated as always! I apologize that this and the last one were later than planned, but starting from tomorrow’s fic (day 7) everything will be going back to its regular schedule 🎄

Banners: @vase-of-lilies | Divider: @firefly-graphics | GIF: Owner

Main Masterlist | Ari Levinson Masterlist

It is rare for you and Ari to fight, let alone to have one as big as this one. You don't remember how it started, but you know it has evolved into a screaming match on both sides.

''You are such a bitch sometimes, you know that?!'' Ari spits out, and as soon as the words slip out of his mouth, he instantly regrets his choice of words. Where he was beyond angry not even a moment ago, he is suddenly all too aware of everything going on, and the tears spilling over your waterline are not being missed by him.

But that's not what breaks Ari. What does end up being the last straw for him right now is that when he flings his arms up in anger - without the intention of hurting you, he could never do that - you flinch and step back with your arms wrapped around yourself.

You've been hurt too many times to count in your past relationship because your ex-husband has been both emotionally and physically abusive towards you, which has left you extremely traumatized.

It has taken years of therapy to return to your old self, and when you met Ari, your future seemed much brighter again. The day you told him what had happened to you, he swore never to lay a hand on you, and he has never broken that promise, but that doesn't mean you didn't get scared by his unintentional movement.

You're sobbing loudly as you retreat up the stairs and away from your husband, your vision blurry as you slap a hand over your mouth to stifle the sobs, but it's not working.

''Fuck!'' Ari yells as he throws the photo on the floor that he is holding, shattering it into a thousand little pieces. It was the photo your fight was about, and he knows he should have thrown it out long ago, but he couldn't get himself to do it.

And look where it got him right now: his wife crying and afraid of him and packing her stuff to get out of the house, away from him. No matter what he says or does, it won't matter because he knows he can't change your mind.

It's not for lack of trying, though.

''Princess, can we please talk about it? I'm sorry-'' is all he can say, but your mind is made up. You packed enough clothing and toiletries for a week and brought some valuables that you can't go without.

Your wedding ring, however, is left on the little trinket dish in the bathroom, and it's the first thing Ari notices.

''Fuck you, Ari Levinson,'' is the last thing you tell him before wiping your eyes and leaving your keys by the door, right before slamming the door behind you. How you would get back into the house would be a worry for another moment; right now, you need to get out of the house and away from him before either of you do something they regret.

You order an Uber, and within a few minutes, it's there, and you get in without looking back, ready to go to a nearby hotel to stay there for a few days.

Ari was looking through the big window next to your front door the entire time until you were entirely out of sight, and that's when he collapsed.

His hands are threaded into his hair as he sinks to his knees, screaming to let all his frustrations out. The tears roll in steady streams over his cheeks as he's petrified you will have left him for good.

But you could never get yourself to the point of leaving him forever. You need some time apart to think about what happened, but in the end, you will always come back to him and talk about what happened. But right now, you both need your own space.

''I'm such a fuck-up...'' Ari whispers to nothing as he wipes the tears from his cheeks, letting a few sniffles escape before pulling himself together and going upstairs to see what you've taken - and left behind.

He walks into the bathroom and finds your wedding ring there, which he had already noticed was missing when you walked out the door. Next up is the closet, and he sees that some of your favorite clothes and his hoodie are missing.

The photo of you two hanging on the bedroom wall is also missing, and you brought your electronic devices for work, but the rest are still there, just like they were that morning.

The most valuable thing he is missing now is you.

The first three or four days were, apart from lonely, relatively okay. But there's only so much work you both can distract yourself with and because of that, you decide that on the fourth evening of your departure, you'll send Ari a text message to talk.

My Princess 👑 >> Can we talk tomorrow over lunch? The hotel has a restaurant where we can sit and discuss what happened.

You have to fight the urge to text him how much you miss him, and instead, you keep the message neutral to calm your excitement.

My Prince 👑 >> Of course, Princess. I can be there at 1:30 PM. Let me know if you want me to bring anything, and I will. I love you.

He is making it incredibly hard not to run back to him and forgive him instantly, but you're surprising yourself with the amount of willpower you are showing.

You text him that 1:30 is okay and which hotel you're staying at, and with that, you're officially feeling better, not about what happened, but about the fact that you two can talk it out like adults.

The next day arrived faster than you thought, and it's currently 1 PM, so you still have about 30 minutes before you meet Ari in the hotel restaurant.

To be sure, you opted for a shower first. You may be talking about your fight, but that doesn't mean you can't look decent for your husband. You're opting to wear a casual outfit instead of Ari's hoodie, which is what you've been wearing for the past few days.

A few minutes before you're supposed to meet him, you make your way down to the hotel, and much to your surprise, he's already waiting by the time you arrive.

He gets up from the table he was sitting at, and you see the denim shirt that spans over his shirt and shoulders, making every muscle look even bigger than it already is.

Despite your height in your platform boots, he's still quite a lot taller than you are, and when he greets you, he has to lean down pretty far to reach your cheek, where he places a soft, loving kiss.

''Hi Princess, thank you for meeting me,'' he says, and you can't help but giggle at how his beard tickles your cheek, and a flush spreads across your cheeks.

''It's the least I could do after the way I stormed out of the house,'' you say as you sit down across from him, and he nods in response, not wanting to ruin the moment.

''I'm sorry for storming out of the house the way I did-'' you start the conversation, ''- It was immature of me, and I'm so sorry, Ari. I know I hurt you with that, and it has never been my intention to do that, but my fight or flight response kicked in...'' you say as your voice trails off.

''No need to explain, Princess, you did what was best for you in the situation, and I understand why you did it. I should be the one saying sorry in this case because I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did.''

''All you did was ask a normal question about a photo, and I went off without a reason to do so, and I am so sorry for that, Princess. I have been hurting so much knowing what I did to you, and I want you to know that I love you so much, and if you let me, I want to show you just how much,'' he asks, his voice getting slightly deeper near the end.

You can already feel the arousal pool in your panties, and without needing to say a word, you're getting up, and Ari is immediately following you up to your hotel room.

You two barely make it into the elevator because once the doors close, Ari picks you up, and your legs are wrapped around his waist. The kiss you two share is passionate and hurried, unable to get to your hotel room quickly enough.

A clash of tongue and teeth follows, and once the doors open when you're on your floor, you guide Ari to your hotel room, which is close to the elevator.

''Here,'' you say as you hand him the keycard, and without a problem, he unlocks and swings open the door, kicking it shut behind him before pushing you against a wall.

''Missed you so fucking much, Princess, couldn't even fucking cum without you being there. It was so fucking hard every day, but without you, I couldn't do it. Need you so much, Princess,'' Ari tells you between kisses on your neck and jaw, all while you're opening the buttons on his shirt, needing him just as badly.

''Ari, please! Need you to fucking wreck me!'' you beg him, and he isn't one to deny you when you're begging for him to ruin you.

It doesn't take long for you both to be completely naked, and he's already lining up with your entrance. His red, leaking tip is swiped through your folds with his large hand and long fingers wrapped around it, and you're already whining impatiently.

''Fuck, so needy for me already, aren't you?'' he asks, and when he finally starts sliding in, he hisses at how tight you are around him, even after all the years you've been together.

''Jesus, fuck! Such a tight pussy for me, feels so good around my big cock, always such a perfect, tiny pussy for me to fuck,'' he groans as he slides in, and you moan uncontrollably at a stretch, and you can never get enough of it.

The size difference between you and Ari is perfect in every single way, and his size kink is most definitely satisfied each time he slides home, though he can never stop himself from commenting on it.

''Look at you, Princess, look how much I'm filling you up already. 'm not even in, and I can already see myself in your belly,'' he tells you, and he throws his head back when he slides in completely, your back arching into him when he does.

Your moans are uncontrollable at this point, making Ari only harder inside you. He bends forward, bracing himself on his elbows beside your shoulders, before slowly rolling his hips, and the smirk on his lips is almost devilish.

''D-don't smile at me like this,'' you tell him, or you try to at least, because when you're nearing the end of the sentence, he angles his hips in such a way that has your eyes rolling into your head.

''What're you talking about, Princess? 'm just making love to my wife,'' he says, and he captures your lips in a deep, passionate kiss that is enough to push you over the edge, especially with the way he thrusts into your sweet spot.

''Ari, 'm cumming!'' is all the warning you can give before you cum, and you squirt all over the bed and your husband as you push him out with the force of your orgasm.

''Fucking hell, Princess, look at you! Fucking squirted all over me, you know how fucking good that makes me feel, don't you?'' he asks, but your brain is already turned to mush after just one orgasm.

''I need a taste of this delicious pussy now, Princess, and you get to sit on my face just the way you like, he whispers in your ear right before nibbling on your earlobe, earning himself a soft whine.

He's lying on his back, and you're too far gone even to comprehend what's happening; you're seated on his face, but you can't keep yourself up, so you fall forward as he's already licking his way through your folds.

You're eye to eye with his cock, and you reach out to touch it, giving it a few strokes before taking the tip into your mouth and suckling softly. When you do this, he lets out a groan that goes right through your body, and you're already on the edge of another orgasm again.

He keeps eating you out like a man who's been starving for a long time, and when you trace the large vein on his cock with your tongue, you feel him twitching in your hold, making you smile.

Once Ari dips his tongue into your entrance to get to the source of your sweet juices, you moan loudly, but your second undoing comes when he attaches his thumb to your clit, rubbing tight circles that have you trembling in his hold.

The moans and whines leaving your lips are absolutely without any control behind it at this point, as you're completely and utterly fucked out, but all you need now is for Ari to cum. That's all you can focus on right now, and that doesn't take long.

''Feels so good inside that throat of yours, Princes, gonna fucking cum for you, and you better swallow it all,'' he says through gritted teeth as he fucks up into your throat, your hand stroking the part you can't get into your mouth.

Before you know it, he's shooting his ropes of cum into your throat and mouth, but he can't seem to stop cumming, and a few spurts of cum end up on your face as well, making you look thoroughly and utterly fucked out.

C'mere Princess,'' he says as you look back at him, and he pulls you onto his chest before licking his cum off his face, right before giving you a deep kiss to feed it all back to you.

''Good girl,'' he tells you, and with those words, you fall asleep on your husband's chest, getting some much-needed rest. You would continue your conversation when you wake up, but right now, you need to be in his arms, where everything will be okay.

#fluffcember 2023 #ultimatechrisbingo #afgkinkbingo #ari levinson #ari levinson one shot #ari levinson imagine #ari levinson fanfiction #ari levinson fanfic #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson fluff #ari #ari one shot #ari imagine #ari fanfiction #ari fanfic #ari x female reader #ari x reader #ari fluff

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sirgogington · 2 months

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My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation.

I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be.

Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person. It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened.

I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better.

Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know.

For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume. Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

#wilbur soot #lovejoy

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wiseabsol · 10 months

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Hey! I wanted to tell you that I love your Dominion reviews, and I also wanted to ask you about your opinion on a possible Azula-Catra comparison. Because people tend to compare Zuko’s and Catra’s redemption arcs in order to debunk the latter, and though I can see the parallelisms, I’ve always believed that Catra is, at heart, much more similar to Azula, and even more if you consider Dominion!Azula (which will never not be the real, full-fledged Azula to me, never mind canon). What do you think?

So I think any redemption arc in media tends to get compared to Zuko's because, A.) The people doing the comparing often grew up with ATLA, so it's the first one that comes to mind, and B.) It's a redemption arc that takes time to develop, has setbacks, and has Zuko working towards earning the trust of those he hurt in the past.

Catra's, I think, is harder for people to swallow. A large part of this is because she spends 4 out of the 5 seasons being an angry, toxic person, especially towards Adora and Scorpia (Scorpia, I want to point out, does not respect Catra's boundaries, forcing physical affection on her when she doesn't want it. This doesn't mean that Scorpia deserved how Catra's treated her, but I think that friendship was unhealthy both ways). I can understand why people, looking at Catra, would say that getting only one season for a redemption arc wouldn't be enough--especially because she nearly destroyed the world and did, functionally, kill Angella. Zuko, in comparison, stalked people and burned down people's homes, but didn't kill anyone.

But personally, I liked Catra's redemption arc. I liked her acknowledging her anger issues and having a therapy animal to help her manage it. I liked her apologizing and trying to make things right to the people she hurt. I liked her realizing that her ambitions in the earlier seasons were mostly a means to have some control over her life and gain the favor of the adults around her. Catra, all things considered, is a pretty self-aware character--she knows how she's been treated all of her life is wrong, and that the side she's on is evil, and that what she wants most of all is to be with Adora. However, she gets hung up over feeling abandoned, lashes out when she's afraid and upset, and ultimately feels so guilty over pushing people away and the things she's done that she's suicidal about it. Dying doing a heroic thing seems, to her, the only way to make things right.

Which doesn't happen, of course. Catra is saved. And ultimately, she's offered a spot of the best friend squad, because people are still willing to give her a chance to be a better person (in part because she took that first step to try to make things right). And that, I think, is really important--because while it's no one else's job to fix you, if no one ever gives you the chance to grow and is always waiting for you to mess up--to prove yourself to be a monster--then what motivation do you have to get better?

But I'm getting off topic. What you actually asked me is if I see similarities between Azula and Catra. And in some ways, yes--mostly in how the fandoms treat them--but in other wars, no. Let's dig into it:

Catra knows that she has been abused by Shadow Weaver and that Shadow Weaver is a bad person and parent. Azula does not realize consciously that she's been abused, or that Ozai is a bad person and parent (though she knows he's capable of hurting his children, due to what he did to Zuko).

Their responses to this abuse differs. Catra is more angry, defiant, and irreverent, and is physically hurt by Shadow Weaver as a result (which isn't her fault--it's Shadow Weaver who's in the wrong). Azula decides to become the perfect firebender and ally to her father, and in doing so secures "safety" for herself from Ozai. Incidentally, Adora also picked the striving for perfection route of appeasement.

Catra knows that the Hoard is evil, but goes along with their goals anyway, largely to get back at Adora for leaving her and to gain Shadow Weaver's and Hordak's "respect." Azula doesn't know that the Fire Nation is in the wrong, because she's fully been indoctrinated. In fact, Azula and Adora are more similar on this point, at least before Adora realizes the Hoard is attacking villages. Would she have realized this, though, if she hadn't spent time there beforehand with Glimmer and Bow? In any case, Azula stays with the Fire Nation because she's never been given a reason to question their conquest, and because that's how she earns her father's "love" and "respect."

Catra is happy about Adora's promotion until she realizes that she won't be shipping out with Adora (and thus is being left behind). Azula and Zuko grow up in an environment where if one of them succeeds, that means the other one is failing, and thus are never happy about each other's accomplishments.

Catra just wants to be the one Adora chooses and tries several times to get her to come "home." Azula desperately wants to be chosen by someone, hence her attachment to Ozai. But also, Azula goes to great lengths to get Zuko to come home too, setting him up with Mai and letting him take credit for killing Aang.

Catra and Azula both break down and lash out when the people they love leave them. They also both experience guilt over what they've done, though Catra, I think, confronts this more head on, while Azula tries to rationalize her actions ("Trust is for fools."). They also both fully believe that they're monsters who no one can love.

Both Catra and Azula treat their best friends poorly and drive them away. Catra, after doing some soul-searching, tries to sacrifice herself to make things right, and is given the chance to redeem herself after she survives. Azula attempts to do some soul-searching, hits a "does not computer" error message, and is not given a chance to redeem herself, in part because there's no more show left. If there had been a season four, perhaps we would have gotten that, but unfortunately, all we have are the (terrible) comics.

Azula is 14 during ATLA. No one reaches out to her or encourages her to think critically about what her side is doing. Catra is apparently 17-18 at the start of SPOP and 20-21 at the end of it. People do reach out to her and encourage her to think critically about what her side is doing. Azula gets no shot at redemption. Catra does.

Azula and Catra are both demonized by some of the fanbase, with Azula commonly being pathologized. Azula, despite being younger, being less self-aware than Catra, and being given fewer chances for improvement, is actually treated with more vitriol than Catra--even though Catra knows she's in an evil organization and chooses to stay, and objectively does worse things over the course of the show. My guess is that this is because SPOP offers more sympathetic moments to Catra, which ATLA doesn't give Azula. Regardless, explaining to these fans that these characters are young victims of abuse who responded to it in maladaptive ways, and deserve sympathy and a chance to heal, doesn't work. Instead, because they were toxic and hurt the characters we like (characters on the other side of a war), they are ruined forever. Despite being incredibly young and, for the most part, barely stepping out of the abusive environments they grew up in.

And to be clear on this point--I can understand it if the people these two hurt never accepted them back. Their pain is valid (in fact, I wish Scorpia had told Catra that she needed time, rather than forgiving her easily at the end). However, saying Azula and Catra are lost causes who can't become better people, who can develop healthy relationships with other people, is incredibly reductive. It also tells real people that if you fuck up in your youths, you'll never get better and no one will ever love you again, which is appalling. As someone who had maladaptive reactions to growing up abused, if this had been what I was told--rather than having loved ones who were patient with me, told me how I messed up, and encouraged me to self-reflect and grow--I might not be here right now.

Which brings me to my final point: To be happy and find peace, what Catra and Azula both need is acceptance and love from healthy sources. Catra receives it and works on herself. Azula...doesn't. And I'm not sure I can blame a 14-year-old for stagnating as a result.

#Azula #Catra #ATLA #SPOP

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saltysplayt00ns · 5 months

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No comment , THIS already sums up in volumes of Rogio not learning from his lesson and Rogio not changed since he escaped from Vjall the ghoul god and the deer portal.

You had one job...

Fun fact; when I saw this page/panel for the first time, I literally felt sick to my stomach, like no lie nor joke, I felt my body convulse and wanted to puke. SO congrats kique, you're the first to ever made me feel " sick to my stomach " - literally. BULLSHIT, WHERE'S THE ANTLERS, AND WHY THE GODESS CAN BRING BACK DEAD BODIES??!!! YOU ALREADY HAVE A SPIRIT THAT DOES THAT!!!!!

We could have had a moment where Rogio sacrificed himself or him actually being more villainous of bartering Kargo for someone else like Ranach/ showing that he still has attachment to him. But Kique forgot his own lore again AND/OR he didn't want to use it and thought have a deer god do something that is not part of it's purpose to do it for convenience for Rogio OF ALL DOGS. He basically cheat coded his way through. and the Deer is it's wash-down Therapist.

I guess free breath means a free ticket pass. to his self-inserts

there was no hidden, mystery nor some subtle text to pick apart, this is as clear as the sky guys. Not something to overthink on - not that deep. period. ---- This would also be interesting if he failed the trial or was put in a delusional area like what is showing of Kargo returning, but realized something was...off and stressing. Like his brain is trying to tell him something but keeps digging down on this fantasy that everything is fine but it's not, and the more he digs the more plastic and distorted it felt. So as he really, finally going deep down on himself and seeing who he truly is and he needed to work on, despite everyone telling him not to - Heck have Ranach in the mix as well to mess with his psyche. The Ghoul beast is only much a façade of what he really is the beast been consorted of preventing him from trying to change from his own mind. Rogio running deeper down the rabbit hole, we hear now everyone speaking what he thinks they're saying from his eyes as the environment becomes more warped and just become more survival horror until he sees himself, Not of the beast but of himself, His natural, crusty, dog self is the problem, is the Marghoul. Rogio has to face the fact from him in Meteor to now, he's ' mental chain' is much more his ' chain reactional excuse' that he kept repeating and falling for. The Vjall had some strings towards him but only if it's been fed or given access to - his fears and deniability. Rogio is given now a timestamp - LIKE ACTUAL TENSION AND DUE DATE of getting his shit together, talking with the Spirit of the dead if he really felt remorse to remand or Accept it still but remand it acknowledging his mess ups and do better. She can not cure the Ghoul, not yet at least, but she will give her a prong of her antlers to ward it off, just enough until he makes the choice. Vjal may be aware of it and would be a problem down the line. The deer is benevolent but not a charity case, She gave her wisdom ( and therapy session) and gave them a choice with a bit of aid. We could have had a nice Intense chapter of Rogio working himself until final conclusion of him not changing and being far worse then he was, a bittersweet one where he choice to heal, accept and admit his faults, working from the ground up with or without Roamer. or him sacrificing himself for Kargo's life as a finale apology. The prong can either symbolizes like a barrier to protect from the Ghoul but it can also be Kargo's spirit along with him, so it adds more motivation of why Rogio has to do it or not. Hope you enjoy that ♥

#asmundrhome #home #home comic #kique #kique7 #asmundr #asmundrcomic #kiquenordin #kique nordin #bad dog comics #consistent inconsistency #constructive criticism #constructive critism #bad writing #bad webcomics #web comic #comic review #comic page #rewrite

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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hello! I really like that jimin prompt! Do u think u can write a part 2 ? 🥹

ah im so glad you liked it! thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy part 2 as well! <3

Warnings- swearing, mentions of addiction, angst,

read part 1 here

The next morning, Jimin woke up in his work office chair, sweaty and nauseous.

The memories of the past few hours slowly sunk in as he sat up, remembering why exactly he was in his work room in the first place-and not in your bed.

A loud clash was heard from the kitchen, alerting him to jump up and follow, his eyes immediately set on you.

You sent a wicked glare before looking back down "I dropped a mug. Im fine" you muttered, but he was already next to you, assisting.

"dont cut your hand-" he mumbled pushing your fingers away from the broken glass on the kitchen tile.

"You look like shit" you mumbled, not fighting him and instead walking to grab a different mug instead.

He shrugged, "well yeah-"

"are you even sorry?"

He looked back up at you, eyes wide, "yes...of course I am"

You scoffed, "what you said to me last night was not okay..."

He silently nodded, picking up the glass and discarding it before leaning against the island counter.

"it fucking hurt, i didnt sleep at all..."

He gave you a sympathetic look, "im sorry, y/n...I really am, I was not sober and-"

"I dont care!! I dont care if you were sober or not....to sit there in any state of mind and question my love and devotion for you is just...is just fucking cruel, jimin"

He sighs, "what is it that you want me to do, or say?"

You shrug and slam your mug down "look at you! you are a fucking mess!"

Jimin simply just looked back at you, not knowing what to do in this situation other than let you feel what you feel.

You paused for a moment, "...I want you to go back to seeing your therapist"

"no!" he stood up quick, shaking his head, "god no, y/n, i am not doing therapy again, fuck"

"well if you cant talk to me you need to talk to someone...because if not, we-" you gesture between the two of you "are done, and i mean it, because im not going to sit around if you dont wanna get better for yourself let alone our relationship."

He sighs, pacing a bit, "i do want to get better" he nods, "I do, I dont want you to leave...." his voice cracks as he sighs, turning away.

You look at his back, the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling both your scents. "then prove it, Jimin"

You hate that you cant just run up and hug him, you hate that you cant kiss him and tell him he will be okay, then go lay down and embrace eachother until you fell alseep.

You can-...but you cant.

Jimin is a grown man, he needs to have the self awareness that this issue is his, and he needs to fix it before he looses everything...and he needs to know that you will be waiting for him at the end of the finish line.

A small sniff is heard, "ill go to the therapist ok?"

You nod although he cant see you, "good....thats really good Jimin...thank you"

He wipes his face with his sleeve before looking back at you, "im sorry" he whispers

You cant say its okay...because it still is far from it, but you will accept his apology and effort to try

"thank you for apologizing" you nod, "I think we will have a lot of work to do in the next coming weeks...so, I just hope you are serious about this"

"I am...I promise!!" he spoke up, coming over to grasp your hands

"okay, good" you nod, kissing his cheek and walking away

Jimin makes a mental note to make an appointment with his previous therapist for tomorrow

His addiction has always been a struggle-

but he would give up anything to keep you, even if he said things he doesnt mean and will regret for a long time.

He will change, he will prove it to you.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #jimin x y/n #jimin #park jimin x y/n #open requests #requests open #bts requests

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 2 years

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My Star 2 episodes 7-8: both confirmation and plot twists abound

Short summary:

Me: I want to know what is really going on in Jiwoo’s head

Show: here ya go

Me: thanks I hate it

So. I’m looking back at all of my early theories and have concluded that this director is a damn genius.

Because (as some people pointed out already) we are positioned in the role of the friends, the villagers, people with imperfect knowledge who are drawn to take sides in a confused rush to fix things or Figure It Out. And these two episodes really drummed down on that.

The breakup: I theorized that Jiwoo didn’t just break up with Seojoon because he felt lonely, and I was both right and very wrong in that assumption. It wasn’t JUST his loneliness, some sense of dissatisfaction—he was dealing very quietly with some intense self-loathing and lingering feelings of unworthiness. Imagine being that angsty little turtle and then someone so bright, so dazzling thinks you are amazing—it’s both wonderful and awful, because Jiwoo thinks himself a burden to Seojoon, something holding him back, and that’s why it’s so important we get the other perspective here. Because when we see Seojoon turning down his friends’ party in his honor without regret to go home to Jiwoo (we are vaguely aware someone is filming a live show of it) it’s sweet devotion and care. But when we see that video from Jiwoo’s perspective, it’s the straw breaking the camel’s back, the reason he thinks he needs to leave. So while there was something that happened between preparing the cake and his leaving, it wasn’t something external—it was internal.

Jiwoo’s mental health: Other people have already posted well-thought-out studies on depression and self-loathing in the show. In regards to his treatment of Seojoon, I can only speak from experience to say that the thing about depression is, even if you have struggled with depression for years, you can still miss or misinterpret signs of it in other people, you can still miss how they are feeling. You can get so caught up in what’s in your head, it warps how you see your relationships with other people. We’ve been talking about how great Seojoon has been—and that really drives home that being in a relationship, even with someone incredible who you love, cannot fix you.

The scandal/ The revelations about his parents and the village scam scandal just gives Jiwoo more reasons in his head—as Yoon Seul points out—to think Seojoon is better off without him. He looks absolutely crushed to see the online hate against Seojoon starting, he has to think that’s because of him. Jiwoo really didn’t want to hurt Seojoon in the long run—he thought by driving him away again and again, he was doing them both a favor. It’s not the big reveal of Evil Scheming that I was kind of expecting, but tbh the first season set us up for that belief (well played again, Hwang Da-Seul).

The breakup’s effect: And the thing is, I have to agree with what is being said: no, this does not excuse Jiwoo’s treatment of Seojoon. It explains it, but does not excuse it. Nor is it meant to excuse it—I’ve worried and hurt multiple loved ones during my low periods without intending harm, and coming to terms with that is really not about getting forgiveness from the other party. Apologizing is important, yes, and I believe Jiwoo still should acknowledge his actions affected other people, but he needs to forgive himself. He needs to work on himself. He needs to do that for himself, not because of anyone else. Seojoon can forgive him or not (let’s be honest, he already kinda has without even knowing everything).

My ideal ending for this: they are both in therapy. IF IT IS GOOD FOR BOTH OF THEM, they have little coffee shop meetups—they aren’t calling it dates, not yet. There’s no pressure or expectation. Just honest conversations with each other. Maybe holding hands, maybe discussing a future together where they take care of each other AND themselves. Maybe just sitting together and healing. The point the show is trying to make is that this isn’t about romance at all costs—it’s about taking care of yourself, not necessarily so you can be with someone properly but so you can love yourself, because you deserve love.

Regardless of how this ends, I want to shoutout the director again—I can’t think of many other shows that tackle mental illness and breakups so honestly, and certainly not with this care. My only complaint at all is that everything before this got dragged out for 6 episodes of pain and lack of resolution, when after 4ish I think I got the picture there—but it also shows that feelings are messy and people, no matter how close they are to us, don’t just know how we are feeling (love Sung Yoon’s point there).

#whomst #to my star 2 spoilers #to my star 2

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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TW for gaslighting, verbal and emotional abuse as well as self harm.

my nickname is isa

I’m looking for maybe advice and support?

so, I think my brother is abusive. I’m 20 and he’s 19. i recently started going to therapy due to the sexual abuse I faced as a child/teen and in a random bout of confidence I confided in him and told him what had happened to me. he offered a smoke, but overall didn’t react. and I guess I liked that he didn’t, it made me feel okay because lord knows i was not prepared to cry that night. later on maybe about a week after, I was watching tv and he comes beside me and is trying to get my attention. i play along and we’re teasing and he’s poking fun and he says “hey isa, hey, wanna see this message this gay guy sent me? he’s trying to get with me, he’s trying to molest me, he’s gonna rape me” and I just couldn’t move. i was horrified and when I told him not to say that, he waved it off as a joke and because I’m me, I let it go. another week passes and I’m in the kitchen just chopping nuts for some bread I was making and from behind me he asks what the time is. our oven clock is broken so I say “oh it’s 12 something” and it gets quiet and he says “isa, what do you do in this house? do you have a job, do you make money, do you do anything?”. And I thought he was being fake serious so I played along and said “I go to school” “school…that’s it?” “Yep” and when I turn around he’s just pissed and he has this look of just pure hate.

“When I ask for the goddamn time give it to me, don’t give me that bullshit” and I was just shocked, I kept asking if he was serious and he just kept cursing me out “You’re so stupid, you’re such a fucking bitch. Why are you always so difficult”. And I couldn’t take it, I got my keys and drove to some park and cried just asking myself why I was even here. It’s not the first time he’s yelled at me like that, on more than a few occasions he has punched a wall or gotten in my face to where I can only cry, he’s slapped me once too but to be fair I slapped him first. He was talking about how he wants to kill himself and I panicked and gave him a tap on the cheek, and I didn’t mean to it was honestly just some reaction and before I could apologize he slapped me back, hard. it was kind of funny actually he said “these hands are rated E for everyone, you hit me I’ll hit you back”. i don’t think that really counts though since I did it first but idk. and now he hasn’t said a word to me. he’s ignoring me, won’t speak to me, won’t do anything. and I just don’t know. usually after he yells at me like that he avoids me or gives me a “I’m sorry” text and then we go back to normal but, this time rattled me more than I thought it would. and I don’t know. is he abusive? am I exaggerating? i love him and want to forgive him but, I know it’s not that simple. he was admitted to the psych ward not too long ago and diagnosed with OCD and I get it you know he has some issues he has to work through and I’ve tried to be nicer or just less difficult but no matter what I do it always ends the same. He doesn’t curse out my other siblings, it’s always just me.

Hi isa,

I'm sorry about what you've been through and are going through right now.

OCD and any mental health issues for that matter are no excuse for abusive behavior. What you described sounds abusive physically, emotionally, verbally, and perhaps even psychologically as well.

I don't think you're exaggerating. There is nothing you did or could do to deserve abuse. It sounds like he reacts disproportionately to the situation. You don't deserve to take this. I'm wondering if your parents or guardians are aware of his behavior. If anyone has any tips or suggestions please feel free to add on.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #abuse #emotional abuse #SA #tw r #isa

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hiddeninthefoothills · 2 years

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Hi! I’ve been on and off tumblr for years, and i’ve never been very big on sending asks, but the way you speak about healing your childhood trauma with your pets Really speaks to me and my similar experiences. Currently i am terrified of having my own dog as an adult even though i desperately want one. I’m deeply disturbed by the idea of repeating my parents’ mistakes (even though logically i know that i have more knowledge than they did on things like behaviour and nutrition). Did you feel similar before adopting your first dog as an adult? I’m also very curious about service dog training, could you talk about what that process was like?

This is my first ever ask, so thank you! This answer is a lot of rambling so I apologize for that.

I want to preface all of this by saying I am not a dog trainer. I train MY dogs but no one else's. I do have over a decade of profession animal experience - i have my vet assistant certification and I managed / worked at a doggy daycare for over 7 years. However I am not trained on dog behavior or dog training. I am a newb just like anyone else.

My parents "haunt" several aspects of my life. I used to be terrified of being just like them. That is the thing though. We (as in you and I) are self aware enough to know the way our parents treated us and other things, is wrong. I have been in therapy for over two years now. I do not have a relationship with any of my family members except for my brother (their choice, not mine). The fact that you are aware enough proves you will do stuff different. Yes, you will still make a ton of mistakes and yes, your parents teachings will seep into things, but you have the power to recognize it and change it!

So my first ever dog that was mine I purchased as a puppy. He is the dachshund Moose. I made a lot of mistakes with Moose. I don't have shame in talking about them because I am different now. A big example is how I walk Moose. I would get so confused as to why when we go on walks, he didn't be a dog. Not a lot of sniffing just walking in a straight line to the destination. That is my fault. I used to walk him like my parents walked their dogs. Get it over with quickly. I would get incredibly frustrated when Moose would stop and want to sniff. Just like my mother was with her dogs. I just realized a couple months ago i was doing that.

I would highly recommend finding a reputable rescue to find an adult dog. The rescue I adopted Ubbe from had him in their care for over two months total so they knew a ton about him. However, there will always be issues with any dog. The rescue said Ubbe was 100% potty trained and he did great in a crate. He wasn't even 10% potty trained - my vet was shocked at how bad it was. I had to treat him like he was an 8 week old puppy. It was several months of a lot of structure and cleaning up messes. He also destroyed the fancy soft crate I got him the first time I left him alone. 100% my bad for thinking he would be okay in a soft crate. Another avenue you can take is finding a breeder who has a retired adult dog. I have never gone that route and I am pretty sure those dogs are a lot pricier than a rescue, but it is just another option.

Regarding service dogs. Both Moose and Ubbe are service dogs. Moose is currently phasing into retirement as Ubbe takes his role. While Moose is only 5 and there is no specific reason he is retiring, Ubbe's temperment and physical body is just a lot better for what I need in a service dog. Ubbe's energy is wonderful. He can go all day if I need him to where Moose's tiny legs only give me a couple errands and then he is tired. I got started on the service dog path when Moose was naturally interrupting panic attacks. I was sitting in the hallway of my bedroom having a really bad episode. Moose waddled over and kept shoving my hands out of my face and trying to get me to focus on him. After that I just fell into a rabbit hole. In order for a dog to be a service dog, they must know at least one task. My boys know how to interupt self harm behavior, light pressure therapy, and how to get me to focus on them when I am going into an episode. Ubbe will learn more tasks down the road but we aren't there yet. I do have written documentation from my therapist and psychiatrist stating that I need a service dog to function like a person.

It is a lot of work, but there are a ton of resources. Please be careful getting involved in the service dog communityas it is very toxic. I am not. I don't know any other handlers. Denise Fenzi is an amazing dog trainer [shoutout to christine for telling me about her]. She is on instagram.

Anways. If you have any questions or anything feel free to ask! I hope you have an ahhhhhmazing day.

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mai-melancholia · 2 months

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2nd Entry: Boundaries with Old Meme God, Thought Disruptions, Neutral Energy

I just finished this book.

It's a nice read, but I personally rate it 3.5/5 because I already knew some of the stuff in it. However, it's pretty informative if you want to delve more into attachment styles and how their dynamics affect boundaries. Some of the advices and suggestions are simple but still as effective if done right. so, I have serious-anxious behavior. However, every now and then I go back to my old habits of being disorganized. It's not something I would say I'm proud of; in actuality, there's a lot of guilt for my past that I have to accept and let go.

::TMI INCOMING::

TW: Abusive relationship

In the past, my ex, C, I was abusive to him. He was abusive to me. We both were pretty much abusive to each other. We did reconvene months later after the break up and to my surprise, he apologized for what he did. I also apologized for what I did because I have rather been abusive for a long time. I've been I was in a vulnerable spot, so you could figure that I was enamored and wanted to date him.

But he had his head correct on his shoulder and rejected my advances, knowing how vulnerable I am. Of course, knowing about my plight, caring people would ask things like "why would you be friends with someone who abused you?"

Ahem,

excuse me, did you miss the part where I said I was abusive to him too? I know right? Crazy. However, I will accept the criticism of "It would be unwise to go back dating especially if you two had a tumultuous relationship"

I just now went to therapy and developed trust in other people who are my friends to help me around this time.

::TMI END::

Ever since the break up, there have been two people who have and are helping me through this journey and navigation through my emotions: Chris and Storm.

Chris is one of the various exes I've dated during my disorganized behavior era as a kid.

But as time has passed, I met him again in one of my "reincarnation era" (which I will go into in a second), needing help actually. The breakup with C resulted in me severely experiencing one of the worst codependency I've ever had and the event itself was pretty much like a canon-event that further catalyzed the trauma to become more apparent to my eyes.

Storm is a mysterious meme god, and his wisdom is unfounded. In the first entry, I had talked about an advice that he had told me. I don't know his name, his identity, or anything. What I do know is unlike Chris, he's a relatively new person that I've befriended, and he knows me more than anyone would.

C does help me, but I know he's dealing with his own emotions; our relationship I will acknowledge is rather... strained but in a respectful way. Like we both are aware of the other person's feelings, but it does seem like it's hard to communicate with one another due to the different circumstances. I personally don't expect him to process emotions the same as me or give me respect that I [as the kid says it] "deserve".

-------------

So, it's been... about a week now since I've deeply went into this journey. And there's a part of me that feels extreme amount of shame and guilt (a common theme with me in these entries). The thought this time is about how I stopped therapy for even a brief moment, and now everything is shit again. Chris told me that's self blame and self-reprimand. And I'm like

yeah It is.

This part is a little blurry, but I know I felt relieved after he explained something to me.

It's a bit hard to essentially remember the good stuff now a days when all the bad ones are so strong and loud in my head.

The only thing helping me disrupt any of those thoughts, which is also still an ongoing thing that I'm trying to do in order to detox the fucking mind, is what C said to me:

I did feel an ounce of... not necessarily comfort, but reassurance and reaffirmation of my effrots being told this.

"It doesn't matter what he thinks of you. You're doing it right now. What he thinks is irrelevant."

"He doesn't need to know what you're doing and you don't need to know what he's doing. It's irrelevant"

It's going to be hard to hammer these thoughts in for those who struggle with codependency like I do, especially when your life's identity revolves around the people you are friends with or who you loved.

The truth is, I know part of my brain is telling the other part that I can wallow in these feelings of guilt and shame, but I am not sitting there, doing nothing about it. I'm not here to do it for anyone. In the end, I am doing it for myself because I don't know about you and now a days with people getting into "situationships", but I'm tired of not feeling grounded.

I'm tired of not feeling sure about anything.

The talk with Chris about thought disruptions did help and as mundane and repetitive as it may be, those negative thoughts are also repetitive and merciless too.

Storm mentioned something about neutral energy and how I need it more often (aka: It is what it is energy).

Transcription:

Me:

Staying asleep is a problem; falling asleep isn't. Somewhere in my sleep, I did feel tempted to "check on him" but I kept repeating in my head "it doesn't matter. It doesn't tell you anything if he's online or if he has you unblocked" "Focus on you"

Storm: those are pretty good reminders and if you can't get yourself to focus on you, focus on something else you need a lot more neutral energy in your life tbh

Me: wtf thtat neutral energy

Storm: halfway between positive energy and negative energy

Me: = =; example

Storm: positive energy: today I will be productive and heal negative energy: today I cannot bear to get out of bed neutral energy: today I continue to exist

Me: Oh. That's what you meant okay ;;;; I do need to practice that

Storm: likewise, positive energy: that person's actions don't reflect poorly on me, I am a good person negative energy: that person's actions must mean that I mistreated them neutral energy: that person is in control of their own actions and I am in control of mine

I'll be real with you chief, applying the neutral energy doesn't really help too much but I'll still incorporate it because it's helpful even if it hurts a little.

#mental health #journaling #codependency #trauma #journey

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ojosdeongos · 8 months

Text

Only the truth will set you free pt 2

The day I decided to move out, (the next day I came home from the hospital) is unfortunately branded in my mind forever. I had called my sister in a panic, asking for her help. She did not yet know what I was going through behind closed doors. I also called one of his friends because I was desperate for insight from someone who I thought may know better than I did (turns out no one really knows him well enough) to inquire whether or not he would become violent if he knew I was leaving. His friend's only response was that he thought my ex was "doing better" and that the only thing he ever heard was a rumor that my ex had burned his former girlfriend with a cigarette while intoxicated (that rumor later came to light as being true). At this point in time, he had already crossed my physical boundaries by slamming his hand on my chest during an argument one night (there was never a real apology for that). What was I supposed to believe about the person I thought to have loved but who became a stranger in the blink of an eye? I recall being so utterly confused, hysterical, scared, and devastated. All of my stuff (my whole little home + cat) was packed and gone within hours of an afternoon. My mind and body completely burnt out.

As soon as he caught glimpse of an empty home, I get a phone call from him begging me to return. He claimed he would give up everything to have his "best friend" back: his band, his music, his vices, his lies. Never in my life would I have allowed him to give up the art I knew he loved, for that was never the real problem. I did believe, however, with all the internal conflicts this person had, his obsession with being popular in a dark scene like punk, was a slippery slope into self destruction. I was too fucked in the head to even give him an answer.

Day and night for a month, I cried myself into my greatest depression upon my sister's couch. Probably the lowest spiritual point in my entire life. So low, I, for the first time ever, envisioned early death through various causes. Car accident, cancer, falling off a cliff, a graze to the vein. I do admit, it definitely was a bad, impulsive idea to flee from one toxic place to another. My sister and I have had a tumultuous relationship for as long as I can remember, and grieving was not something I was able to do, let alone be ashamed for (more on that relationship another time). Regrettably, I was still in contact with my ex (we spoke about therapy). And after a horrible falling out with my sister (over being in contact with him), she kicked me out. My ex offered my place back at "our home". It was either that or become homeless, as I didn't have anyone that could help support me at that time. I really wish my sister could have been more compassionate and not have given up on me so easily.

So back I went. I confess, I was somewhat relieved to be back in a place my cat and I had made our home. It was a gorgeous home, owned by his wealthy grandparents up by the mountains. He never appreciated that place, but I had never grown up with that type of privilege, so I was completely swooned by the canopy of oak trees and variety of birds that surrounded us. Wrapped back around his finger I definitely was, for familiarity exceeded the safety that should have been present.

We continued many long conversations, talked about therapy, and concluded we really did want to work things out. He attributed his anger on his self loath. Credited his self loath on his fetishes. And his hyper-sexual nature was blamed on his traumatic upbringing in a strict, religious cult. It really gave me hope listening to his deep introspection and sharp self awareness. But eventually, I became enlightened to how that keen "self reflection" would be used as a key tactic in manipulation. Nevertheless, I thought this to be a breakthrough moment, a second chance for a brand new beginning. Amidst the scandal of lies and betrayal, my spirit was hungry to experience what a relationship with him could be like if I could just overcome a short walk through hell with my lover. Well, hope was the biggest bitch, and I know now that hell does not exist within the walls of real love.

tbc..

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whumpinaheartbeat · 1 year

Text

Rest My Little One, For You Are Loved

This fic contains conversations of self harm through neglect and disordered eating, please read with discretion.

In the rush of everything else, there was a problem that nobody had considered.

In fact, it hadn’t really been a problem because Al’s body was so weak from being held at the Gate of Truth for so long that he spent the first few days sleeping through most of the day, only being able to greet one or two well wishers and maybe being coaxed to try to drink a little water before his consciousness drifted off and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Edward barely left his side of course but Riza was keeping her eye on Ed also, knowing full well just how much he had been through recently. While Ed had been medically cleared with the caveat that he keep his newly reformed arm in a sling until he was strong enough to get the bolts removed, the sling was currently nowhere to be seen as he used both arms to properly retell a story.

Al was sitting upright, he had been gradually regaining his strength too, but there were stacked pillows behind him just in case he needed them. His arms, real flesh arms, were mottled with bruises from all the blood tests and IV’s, the latest of which was already developing around the newest tube that was giving him much needed hydration.

It had been a few weeks since the Promised Day but Alphonse was still making up for years of depending on Edward’s nutrition and sleep schedule, things that were famously horrendous, so he was no where near being discharged like Ed and Riza had been fully aware of Al’s growing frustration. The joy of simply being alive, of being in his real body, was slowly waning as the reality of years of physical therapy and probably chronic pain and exhaustion was starting to set in.

It was only a matter of time before that frustration overwhelmed the sweet boy, he had already done so well for so long.

Riza should have expected it then, the culminated meltdown that had been brewing for weeks now. Yet when Al yelled so loudly, so suddenly, she found herself reaching for her gun all the same, her mind screaming that she was in danger. Edward had flinched back also, hands already pressed together as if to transmute despite no longer having Alchemy while Roy raised his hand, ready to change the composition of the air.

Roy dropped his hand first, the guilt clear on his face, but Ed rushed to Al first, an apology already on his lips.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Al snapped.

Ed stilted, his eyes wide, but he kept his distance all the same.

Riza settled her own racing heart first, forcing herself to stand slowly as to not spook anyone in the room.

“Colonel,” She said. “I believe that Garcia and Elicia were waiting for you at the cafeteria. How about you take Edward with you?”

“What?” Ed whipped around to her. “No way, I’m gonna stay with Al.”

Riza met his eyes. She offered a smile, trying to convey that Alphonse would be safe with her. Ed clenched and unclenched his fists, warring with himself, until he twisted on his heel and stormed towards the door.

“You coming Colonel Idiot?” Ed demanded.

“I was giving your little legs some time to get ahead.” Roy said tightly, eyes still locked on Al as he made towards the door.

Riza waited for the both of them to disappear down the hallway, their voices still being heard as they bickered, before she twisted towards Alphonse.

The anger had drained from him just as quickly as it had risen up but Riza knew that it was deeper than just annoyance at Ed’s exaggerated story.

“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” Riza asked.

She kept her tone even, non judging but also not giving him a chance to deflect. Al did not look at her, more likely could not look, gaze focused on picking at the threads of the blanket. Riza did not repeat her question, Alphonse had heard her.

Al would speak when he was ready; he always did. He could be stubborn of course, taking a while before he allowed himself to be vulnerable, but Riza knew that she herself was much the same and if she was being honest she also knew that her stubbornness streak was stronger.

At least, she had thought it was but maybe the last few weeks and nearly dying more times than she could count had lessened her tolerance for waiting. Maybe she had to be the one to bring it up herself, if only to get Al talking. Riza gave him another few moments to respond but Al just kept messing with the blanket.

“I know you haven’t been sleeping.”

Al jolted, golden eyes at last snapping to her. Like she had suspected, the boy had genuinely believed that he had fooled everyone by simply closing his eyes and giving off the occasional snore. Roy had been fooled totally, at least that’s what Riza chose to believe, out of sheer desperation for everything to be okay. With Edward being as smart as he was he probably knew full well that Al had been faking rest for the last several days but he too was just a kid who wanted to pretend at least for a little while that everything was okay.

Riza did not mind being the one to confront Al, coming from her would be better than coming from a Doctor or somebody else, she only wished that she didn’t have to.

“Sweetheart,” Riza sighed. “You can’t stay awake forever.”

“But…” Al’s voice cracked. He went back to the thread, if only to keep himself focused. “But I was awake. For years.”

“I can’t pretend to know what that was like.” She said. “No one can. But I also can’t pretend to not know that you’re hurting yourself.”

“I’m not hurting myself.” Al said quickly.

“When was the last time you slept? Fully, totally slept and not just passed out from exhaustion?”

Alphonse returned to picking at the thread.

“Al…”

“I don’t need your pity.” Al snapped.

The boy ducked his head, tired eyes watering. He mumbled an apology but Riza assured him that it was okay.

Riza came over, sitting on the edge of the bed. It wouldn’t help accusing him, not when he was probably very much aware of what he was doing. She should appeal to his scientific mind instead.

“You know how the human body works.” Riza said. “What does it need?”

“Nutrients.” He mumbled. “A combination of carbohydrates, fibres, proteins, vitamins and minerals. And water.”

Al shifted uncomfortably, glancing at the IV in his arm. He looked away just as quickly again, looking a little ill.

“But I can’t tolerate food yet.” He said. “I… I can’t eat Gracia’s pie.”

“Your list.” Riza said.

Al nodded, his lip trembling. He lent over, nearly overbalancing, but Riza let him do it by himself if only to prove to him that he could. Al’s hand at last found the notebook from his travels but when he tried to lift it, it fell.

“Fuck!” Al growled. Then, just as quickly, his scowl dropped into pure misery. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s not a word that I have not heard before,” Riza said lightly. “You should have seen Breda when he came back to the office to a bunch of puppies. Now that was impressive.”

“Mom always said not to swear.” Al said. “At least… I think she said that. I don’t really remember.”

“Doesn’t Izumi swear?” Riza asked.

Alphonse laughed then, a real genuine laugh, and Riza felt her heart soar if only for a moment.

“Like a sailor.” He said. “But she would always make us train harder if we swore. Something about not needing impolite kids who depend on curses to get their message across. It’s why I like to get creative.”

It was so strange to see Al’s expression change so overtly, the way his lip twitched up into a smile and his golden eyes sparked with the cheekiness of a young teenager. Riza had grown used to Alphonse as a seven foot suit of armour but she had never seen him not as who he really was, she had simply gotten used to reading his body language more than his non-changing expression.

Al’s shoulders moved just as often as they used to be and Riza found that she liked that familiar gesture.

She leaned down, grabbing the journal from the ground and passing it to Al. He flicked through it, his gaze shifting between excitement and frustration with each page. He had always looked forward to trying all those foods yet even with his real body he was still unable to eat any of them without getting incredibly sick from them. As much as Riza knew he would be frustrated, she could not even imagine what it was actually like for him.

Now that the tension in Al’s shoulders had eased a little again, Riza tried to guide the conversation back to what it was needing to be.

“Okay,” She said. “You have your nutrients through IV’s and feeding tubes but you are working towards real food. What else does a human body need?"

“Appropriate levels of sleep.” Al grumbled.

“Which is?”

“It’s not like I don’t know that I need sleep.” Alphonse said hotly. “Of course I know I need it.”

Riza stayed silent, giving Al a moment to decide what he wanted to say next. He could deflect, change the topic back to food or even back to curse words or any number of things. But Al wasn’t just physically exhausted, he was emotionally exhausted too.

“I did try.” Al whispered. “At first. But I just kept seeing it.”

“The Gate?”

Al jolted again, hissing when he pulled at his IV. A hand rushing to his arm, thankfully not having displaced the tube, Alphonse looked right at her.

“How did you know?” He asked, no, demanded.

Riza tried not to balk under his intense stare. She reminded herself that he was easily overwhelmed right now, Al simply could not control his reactions.

“The Colonel sees it too.” Riza said.

Al’s face dropped, that look of misery back.

“Of course, he doesn’t want you boys to know but he sees it. Every night.” Riza’s hand raised to her throat. “I do too.”

They lapsed into silence for a long moment, neither one willing to break it.

“I was scared.” Al said at last. “I would have done anything to keep Ed safe but… I was scared. That I was going to die.”

“You were just a boy.” Riza said. “You still are.”

Alphonse shook his head and if Riza could hug him without risking him getting overstimulated again, she would have. Riza settled for resting a hand onto his own, not looking at the page on Apple Pie in his journal.

“I keep thinking it will take me back.” Al said. “That this has all just been some dream, that I never actually got my real body back.”

“I know that it doesn’t count for much,” Riza said. “But this is real. You are safe. You are loved.”

“It counts for a lot.” Al said. “Coming from you… It’s everything.”

“You know that I’ll always be here for you Alphonse. Whatever you need.” Riza promised him, squeezing his hand tightly.

That look of cheekiness was back, that quirked brow and twitching lip and Riza had to train her own expression to be neutral.

“Including making me get sleep?”

“Absolutely.” Riza said. “If you need a brick, I’m sure there’s space in the Colonel’s budget for it.”

Another laugh. Pure, unadulterated, laughter. Even Al’s laugh was different to what it had been like in the suit yet at the same time it was the exact same. His shoulders still shook, he still tilted his head a little.

The boy before her was the same as he had ever been. Alphonse simply had a smile now, a smile that Riza would treasure for all eternity.

When Roy came back a while later, carrying a coffee for his Hawkeye, he found Riza laying down beside Al. The boy curled up against her chest but even if Roy could not see them he knew that Al’s eyes were closed.

He was asleep, truely asleep, in the first time in who knows when, and Roy could not be prouder.

It was going to take time but maybe everything was going to be okay after all.

#my writing #fanfiction #ao3 link #whump #under 18 whump #febuwhump2023 #febuwhumpday18 #Fullmetal Alchemist #Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood #Alphonse Elric whump #disordered eating #self harm

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saintqueer · 3 years

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About the rad louies and stuff. I am a larrie, I love H&L but I wasn't expecting this level of stunting from Harry at this point and it makes me sad. This is kind of a cry for help because the last think I want is to think bad about Harry, but sometines I'm genuinely concerned... would he give up all of his creative ambitions just to be with him? I hate the ladies man he is trying to sell AGAIN, and many harries, larries, directioners don't like it either, so Harry WHY? :( Please don't be mad

hey babyyy,

i'm not mad! i don't blame you for being sad and confused. i'm not a discourse blog and i don't plan to become one (despite my last few posts, sorry!) but i want to answer this because this is such a hard time in the fandom and we could all use some comfort.

it's fair to say none of us were expecting this level of stunting after 2019 and 2020. but i think it is important to emphasize that just because he is no longer as tightly controlled as he was as a teenager, does not mean he likes stunting. this stunt was not his idea. he was not sitting in a board room going "hey guys what if i make out with olivia on a yacht, that'd be so fun!" he is a closeted gay man who has to do some ridiculous stuff to maintain his closet and to be successful in the music industry and now hollywood.

now, you say you "hate the ladies man he is trying to sell again." i want to be very clear here, he, himself, is not and never has tried to sell this. this image was pushed upon him incessantly at the tender age of 16 (when he was a LITERAL child) and he was buried deep in that image by 1d's team and the tabloid media for eight years straight. while in 1d he pushed back on this image as much as he possibly could. he hates this image and he had no choice in it. just listen to Don't Let Me Go, listen to Something Great, listen to Two Ghosts, and if you need further reassurance of something recent: listen to Falling!!!!! watch the Falling music video! what do you think he is talking about when he says "what if i'm someone i don't want around?" the image of "the drink in my wandering hands." i see Harry far more in his music than i do in his pap pictures or than i do in HSHQ. i cannot picture someone writing those songs who is not incredibly self-aware, good intentioned, and deeply deeply loving.

yes, we hate this stunt. yes, it is bringing back some of the narrative that haunted us during 1d of the womanizer. yes, we are all slightly confused as to why he agreed to it after what looked like a serious image rebranding in 2019. we do NOT have the answers. i simply don't know, anon. BUT i am not going to start questioning who Harry is and how he wishes to be seen. and, honestly, that takes some faith right now. especially after yachtgate 2.0. but i am happy to say it is not blind faith because Harry is still Harry. i am going to pull out the big guns and attach fimq's video "The Womanizer." perspective is important and it hasn't been a very long time in the grand scheme of things since fimq made this video. re-watch this or watch it for the first time and tell me who the real Harry is:

i think it's easier to vilify harry for rads because 1) his uber success and 2) he distanced himself very purposefully once the band went on hiatus. i highly suspect harry did so for his mental health and likely after working through some serious trauma in therapy. it's easier to think someone's a villain when you rely on tabloid fodder. i don't believe tabloid fodder about louis, so why would i about harry? just because i have less access to him, doesn't mean he's now a different person from the one i've grown to know.

harry's success means all the stunts are in your face but louis still has a whole ass beard and child. and he talked about that child and beard during promo in 2020! i don't think he is any less brave or good because of that. so it'd be cruel to say so of harry. closeting is never the fault of the closeted person. no matter how famous and successful.

and, finally, your question of would he still give up all his creative ambitions just to be with louis referencing what i said in my post which harkened to IICF. well, i think that question is moot. i think they likely determined a long time ago, 2015 or 2016, that both of them did not want the other to give up their ambitions for the other. and gladly so because that would not make for a very healthy or happy relationship. they decided they could stick together and still support each other's dreams; that they could survive the closeting if they had each other. it's a measure of love to say you would give up everything if they asked you too. but assuming louis loved/loves harry just as much, do you think he would even entertain the idea of allowing harry to give up on his dreams of singing, writing music, acting, being a gender-fucking fashion icon? nahhhh!!! would you let your partner do that? so to answer your question... i think harry still loves louis just as much as he did when he wrote IICF, probably even more now. do i think his ambition is a hindrance to his love for louis? no, not at all. i think louis is the biggest harrie there is, just like i think harry is the biggest louie.

okay, i think i've gone on long enough. i hope i've brought you some comfort in some way, anon. and i apologize to anyone who has to scroll past this fucking novel. but i think i needed this chat just as much as anon did. harry is a good and beautiful princess even when he is harder to access!

if you're not already all discoursed out, anon, i will leave you with two posts that i felt were helpful to my thinking recently. this post about bravery and being generous to closeted individuals. and this post about closeting and coming out. also, i hope you did watch that fimq video, it's an important reminder for all of us right now!

this is officially the end of my apparent anti-rad manifesto.

#my anti-rad manifesto #discourse #sorry this is so long dudes #i swear i am NOT becoming a discourse blog #assassinate me if i do #hope i helped anon #sending you love and don't forget harry loves you a lot #fandom dynamics #fimq #anon #ask

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bonny-kookoo · 3 years

Text

👹Bad Habits (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️🔞

👹Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

👹Genre: (Twisted)Romance, Angst, Smut, Psycho!JK

👹Warnings: Size kink, Body worship, biting, rough manhandling, JK accidentally hurts her a bit (but apologizes dw), mildly disturbing themes (blood, guts, bones cracking...), criminal activities such as theft (mentioned) and murder (not actively stated, but heavily implied), panic attack, psychotic episodes, psycho!JK because holy shit I actually got scared what did I create, degrading names (he calls her a whore in his mind like once..), possessive JK, strength kink, reader is unable to conceive (chances are very slim), unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it folks), impreg kink, dead dove do not eat 🕊 manipulative Koo, Dom!Kook, therapy talk, relapses, horrible anger management, emotional koo, emotional reader, look mom I actually wrote a happy ending

👹Summary: Oh monster monster under my bed, you’re the only one I have left, come out and play ‘cause I need a friend.

Jeon Jungkook is sick.

You know this, you are very aware of it if the very much still gaping holes in the walls of your apartment, left from his most recent violent episode is anything to go by. He's got anger issues, that much is very apparent to anyone who genuinely knows Jungkook. Somehow he just can't keep himself in check, it's like he just needs the perfect trigger to simply go off like a bomb dropped from ten feet. It doesn't take much to rile him up. It takes a lot however to get him back down again.

Now, this would be the perfect moment to explain that you are the sweet and kind ray of sunlight calming his temper and cooling his ever violently burning mind- but that's not the case. There's nothing that can tame the young man at your side, nothing that can snap that collar around his neck and chain him up to a wall until he's safe to be around again. You can't do anything more than watch and pray that he will keep his promise to never ever hurt you. At first, you were worried. Anyone would be.

But then the first outbreak came.

Then the second.

And you were fine.

He would wreck the apartment, throw furniture, or beat someone to a bloody mess in an alleyway next to a nightclub simply because the guy had looked at your admittedly short skirt the wrong way. While for the longest time he didn't care about anyone, you've become his possession, in every way that the word stands. He owns you, every single cell of your being is his, and he's ready to push anyone's eyes back into their skull just for looking at you weirdly. No one is allowed to lust after you but him. No one's allowed to even think about you but him.

It's quite bittersweet, the reasoning behind his obsession with you. You're not scared, you're never running away, you're always so gentle, so delicate, such an angel around him- and in one way he fears that one day he's gonna be the wolf eating the sheep in a frenzy. In the other however, he's weirdly amused by it; the way you still look at him so innocently as if you didn't know that his hands could snap your neck like a twig between his combat boots he's typically sporting. It's a very twisted story with you two, and in a sense, he's certain that you have to be just as sick in your head as he is for genuinely loving him and his bad habits.

Just like now.

You're not saying anything. Even when you can hear the young mans ribs cracking underneath the steel toed black boots of your boyfriend, you're quiet, watching, unable to tear your eyes away from him- and you don't even know who exactly you're watching. You have already forgotten what the young man looked like- your eyes unable to reconstruct his facial features back to what they were before Jungkook had thrown his fists into them until the stranger couldn't even open his eyes anymore, face bloody and bruised to the point where you're hoping he won't survive it. You're also simply watching as Jungkooks pretty long hair, drenched in a mixture of sweat and rain from above whips around violently as if to mimic the way his muscled leg stomps into the man's chest over an over again, face holding a determination that should scare you. It's all over after a moment however, as your boyfriend seems to grow a bit tired now, slowly calming down as his anger ebbs down, waves finally evening as he breathes heavily. He runs a hand through his hair as he looks at what's in front of his feet; unable to quite realize that this was actually him. He turns, looking for you, and his entire facial expression suddenly changes.

While he looked absolutely terrifying just moments before, he's suddenly holding such a sweet and calm glint in his eyes as he takes off his jacket, putting it over your head as he smiles down at you, inner demon now fed again as it seems to crawl back behind his actual soul it consumes daily. You smile back, and he leads you out of the alley, giggling like a teenager when you playfully start to run towards the car, calling him a sore looser when he doesn't let you win like he usually does.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's just a young man as well, deep down.

He's got you sat on his lap as he greedily licks at your neck, teeth suddenly clamping down on the skin as you mewl underneath his touch and actions. He's grinning like the devil in person, his large-in-comparison palms holding your behind as they suddenly sneak underneath your shirt; his shirt, actually, and the main reason he suddenly got hungry to devour you. Your hair is still slightly damp, but he doesn't care as he lifts you up, placing you underneath him on your shared bed, hair falling into his eyes as he pulls the dark grey carharrt shirt over your head, immediately kissing your collarbone, hands kneading your breasts needily as he seems too eager to slow down anytime soon. He grabs your ribs and its as if he doesn't know where to touch- he wants it all, wants to feel it all, all at once, because it drowns out all the bad things he usually does. You're an outlet for his pent up aggression, only that he lets loose differently with you. He's got no hunger to make you suffer, to give you pain or to have you look at him in fear. No, he simply craves the way you writhe underneath him, ready for him, wanting, needing him. Such an angel, such a whore, so needy for his love and affection.

Something he wasn't sure he was capable of.

But he is, and it shows; while he usually moves with his jaw clenched, his brows furrowed, ever so agitated by the simplest of things, his face is calm now, relaxed, eyes however still feral- his gaze enough to make your core ache and your skin tingle. He's chuckling as he moves you around, suddenly impatient as he noticed your panties won't leave your legs as fast as he wants them to. It irritates him to the point where he just rips them as the seams, the fabric now ruined, but neither of you care as his hand instantly finds its way down to cup your heat, ring- and middle finger collecting your slick to bring it upwards to your clit, thumb running in circles over it as you squirm and whine, making him smile.

You're so sweet like this, and he can't help but move your legs, pulling you closer to him in his usual rough manner- he's not capable of being all gentle and sweet, after all. He tries, he really does, but Jungkook is like an overgrown puppy; he doesn't know how much strength he actually has. And it shows, as you squeak, painfully so, as he had gripped your legs a bit too tightly; fingerprints already an angry red on your skin, and he cooes at you, apologizing. "I'm sorry, so sorry.." He hushes against your skin, placing sweet kisses on the pulsing marks on your leg. "can't help it baby.." He muses, and you simply nod your head, hands reaching out for him as he smiles again, kissing your lips, finally.

He's never been fond of the gesture before, not understanding why something as unsanitary as this could be meant to signify any romance at all. But eventually he's gotten to know the intimacy of it, and had decided for himself that he'll never kiss anyone but you in his life. He doesn't want anyone but you anyways. You're his, for now, and forever.

"You're so sweet angel, you know that?"

He humms it against your neck as he finally rids himself of his own clothes, erection hard and proudly waiting to bury itself into your sweet cunt. "Hmm.." He humms again, amusement in his voice as he continues to draw patterns over your sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs. "I still can't believe how I fit inside that pretty body of yours." He says, as you suddenly feel the hot skin of his length against your middle. "Can't believe you can take it so well princess." His hand leaves your core finally, as he slowly enters you, making you mewl as he groans.

He doesn't have much self-restraint, but every time you're together like this, you're both amazed by how much he can control himself. The way he plays you like an expensive instrument makes you hang from his hands like a puppet on its strings. And you love it- the simple fact that he's able to do anything he wants with you, yet he'd never use you just to throw you away. He'd never hurt you. You know this.

He grins as he places his hand over the slight bulge forming underneath your skin where his cock is moving inside you, all warm and swollen, impatient as he can't help but move more vigorously, harder than before, as your body moves along with the beat he's giving you. He's in control, its impossible to lie about that and you don't see any problem with that. Your mind is empty, only pleasure remains as he bites down onto your skin again, hands roaming as if they can't decide where they want to stay; because it's the truth after all. He can't decide what he loves most about you, if your body is whats the most desirable or if its your soul locked inside of it and chained to his own like a prisoner. He gets a kick out of this feeling, out of the way you're speared on his cock like the doll you are, and if he desired to, he could simply snap your bones like those pepero snacks you always eat, and it would be just as sweet as they taste. Yet he doesn't- he's being oh so generous with you, letting you live beside him, keeping you as safe as he could at his side, never to let anything come close to you. You're his.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's also head over heels in love with you.

You don't know what it was this time.

You only know that he's currently in your shared apartment, having returned from Job hunting, and by the sounds of crashing glass, he's probably having another one of those days. You know you should just leave him, but ever so often your own curiosity gets the best of you, and you sit up on the bed, dressed in nothing but a shirt, your panties, and socks to keep your feet warm, since the heating in your apartment broke months ago. You carefully open the bedroom door, peaking around the wood to spot him as he currently kicks his shoes off in an ever so violent manner. He spots you, eyes dark and feral, but this time it's not lust in them. "Get back inside." He barks out, and you know why he does it.

He wants to keep you safe.

Against all odds he knows what he is. He knows he's sick, knows he's a danger to himself and others, and that's why he's always telling you to stay away from him whenever his anger is boiling over like this. It's his way of keeping you safe, keeping you protected and you know better than to go against his own judgement. He knows himself best, after all.

Only as you can hear him hiss in pain do you go against him.

As the apartment grows quiet, you slowly step outside the room again, eyes searching for the form of your boyfriend, before finally spotting him near the kitchen table, one hand on it, while the other is held close to his chest. You can see blood on the white cracked tiled floor close to him, and you immediately grow worried for him. You slowly creep inside the bathroom, retrieving some stuff from the first aid kit, as you walk back outside, spotting him on the couch now. "..kookie?" You carefully ask, wary of any signs of his body that he's not yet down to earth yet. But he doesn't move at all. You slowly walk around the couch, squatting down in front of him as your hands carefully reach out for his inked arm, and he lets you, his eyes eerily not looking at anything at all. You hiss a bit and sit down on his lap as he doesn't argue with you, almost delicately treating his wounded skin. He's probably somehow cut himself on the broken glass from the photo frame he broke. He seems awfully exhausted, which isn't a new sight to you. He usually is after a day like that.

"We're gonna loose the apartment." He says darkly, yet you don't stop what you're doing, simply humming an acknowledgement at him, while you don't look up at him. "Are you even listening?!" He suddenly barks out, grabbing your wrists as you look at him; not in fear however. You simply wait for him, like you always do, until he suddenly looks down onto his hands, letting go of your now red wrists with a look on his face like his favorite puppy has just been killed. "They simply said because of my criminal record they can't employ me-" He began, already getting riled up again as you kissed his cheek to distract him before he could slip again. With you situated on his lap like that, it could prove fatal.

"I'm gonna get a job, from home maybe. We'll figure things out." You softly say, and he doesn't seem like he quite believes you. He doesn't need to, at least not yet. It takes time, but you'll take yourself the time you need, even if its someone else's. Its not like he ever really cared about whats who's after all. "I still love you, you know?" You say, and that's when he breaks.

For the first time in those years you know him, he falls to the ground, crashes onto concrete with full force, and it wrecks through his entire body as he pulls you close, sobbing into your neck as he hiccups and chokes on his emotions, his hug painfully tight, but you don't complain. You're too shocked by his state to react much, other than running a hand over his back in a hopefully soothing manner. He doesn't stop for a moment, and you don't have a good feeling for time, so you cant tell how long you both sit like this, until he's finally exhausted to the point of simple slumping down, asleep as his body finally gives up. You carefully stand up, letting him somehow softly fall to his side as you struggle to pull his legs up to properly lay o the couch. Walking into the bedroom you retrieve blankets for him and yourself, as you crawl underneath his arm to lay against his chest, underneath the blankets, as you try and think of a way to help him.

You can't get a job. Not only because he won't let you, but because you get sick too easily. You're not allowed by doctors advice to work in any field that requires direct customer contact- and sadly that's all your educational level would allow you to work in. It never bothered Jungkook however, if anything he welcomed it as a good reason for you to stay at home, and at his side at all times. For him however, there were different reasons he didn't have a job. He couldn't keep one, with his short temper making him unfit for any job that required him to handle other people. He was a bomb ready to explode any moment at all times, and it was hard for him to land a job at any interview he somehow got. And nowadays, as word got around, no one simply wanted to employ him; stories of him going off at complaints and always being ready to throw hands made him the talk of the town in terms of who to look out for. He also had a criminal record- which didn't make the situation any easier.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. And it's a serious issue.

You somehow made it another month concerning rent.

With you selling some clothing you made yourself for a reasonable price, you somehow had at least a bit of an income, yet Jungkook didn't really seem like himself these days. He didn't leave the apartment much, and seemed much more grim to everything around him. You somehow thought that maybe he was just in a bad mood- but it seemed like this time things were a bit more serious than that.

"Princess?" He calls, as you rub your hand over the side of your neck, having laid on the couch weirdly as you had been taking a nap recently. You perked up at his call, walking out of the open kitchen to meet his gaze in the living room, his eyes serious as he pats his thighs; an invitation for you to sit down. He likes having you seated on his lap like this; it makes him feel all comfortable, knowing that you're so close to him. "I.." He starts, and visibly struggles with finding the right words for what he wants to say. "I want to get therapy." He states, and its quiet for a moment. You need to process his words for a second, as he never spoke about his issues like this. You never really thought about this option at all, and it makes you feel bad, deep inside, as you now realize that this was something you should've thought about as well, from the start on maybe. But you never wanted him to change for you; making you kick yourself in your thoughts. It never occurred to you that he wasn't changing for you, he didn't need to change for you, he needed to change for himself as well. You simply started to smile, and your arms snaked around his neck as he breathed in your scent, happy that you take this so well. He had struggled with the acceptance of it for a long time, and with you at his side, he knows he can somehow maybe change.

Even if its just a bit.

"I want to be a better man. For me, and mostly for you." He starts, and you attempt to speak, but he smiles, and kisses you instead, successfully shutting you up. "Don't say I don't need to. We know I do." He explains, and you nod. You're curious on why he suddenly realized it, but you decide not to dig too deep, as he currently seems vulnerable enough to you. So you simply let him hold you like this, quietly, calmly, while outside the thunderstorm continues, rain hitting the windows with as much force as the wind sees fit. Its ironic, really. Typically the situation is the opposite.

But somehow it feels like everything is changing, right in that moment. Just a few words have been spoken, but the ones that did make it out were a promise, a vow, a sentence of hope to finally get a hold on the future you both had dreamed about before, tangled in sheets and each others limbs. He's always said he wanted a family, as cheesy as it sounded to him back then, and then he'd laughed about it as if it was a joke. It somehow was, at least during that time it was; how could he be a better father than his if he was just the same? He didn't want his story to take a turn like that, to end up hurting you in the process of his own selfishness just to get what he wanted. No, he wanted something different in his life; he wanted his children to look up to him as a person they could be in awe of not because they were scared, but because they were proud to have them.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's also finally realizing it.

Therapy never goes smoothly from A to point B. It's never a smooth ride, never a straight line connecting the start to the goal. And Jungkook is feeling that as he walks through the door, fuming after an in his eyes pointless session with his therapist. Why the fuck would they want to know about his childhood? That's his business and his own only, it doesn't concern anyone other than himself. Hell, he never even talked to you about it- and he sure as hell won't start chatting away with a stranger like this. He can't control himself as his fist connects with the wall next to the door, drywall cracking underneath the force as you stand in the middle of the living room, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. He's disappointed in himself in that moment; he was supposed to get better. He was supposed to have himself in check by now, it was supposed to end; yet here he is, just the same as a month before he started. You try and walk towards him, and he's ready to tell you to turn around and leave him alone, but he doesn't. For some reason, this is not pure anger he's feeling.

It's frustration.

And it leads to his eyes watering, as he lets you hold him close, your warm palms running over his back as best as you can with the height difference, and he simply lets his forehead rest on your shoulder, breathing while you softly count next to his ear. He concentrates and lets go of his emotions all at once, taking his time to feel them before he opens his mind up to letting them go. It sounded stupid to him when he was told that this could help him, but now that he's doing it, he gets why its being taught. It helps. Its like a bandaid being taken off after your cut has heeled. It hurts a bit as its being taken off, but the fresh air on the newly connected skin feels so good that the short sting before is more than worth it.

He sniffles, and you giggle, making him chuckle as well, as he runs a hand over your head, a silent sign that he's okay now. "Try again next week. You're doing so great now, Kookie." You say, and its this small encouragmenent that makes him grin brightly.

Because as you both stand in the kitchen, making homemade pizza for the first time in ages, he feels at ease with his surroundings. He calms down rather quickly even though some things don't go as planned, and laughs more freely at his own mistakes as you smile brightly at him. Sometimes you feel like crying, seeing him change like this, but you're strong enough to hold it in until he leaves during the day. You're still unsure how the future will be changing, still a lot unknown to the both of you, but for now, you'll continue to keep each others heads above the waves with your sewing, while he does his best at getting better. You know he can make it, you're certain he can, and will.

Because Jungkook is sick. But he's finally getting help.

You don't know what has happened when he bursts through the door, uncaring to either take off his shoes nor to close it behind him, as he picks you up, spins you around, grinning so much his eyes crinkle at their sides, and you laugh, even though you don't know why he's so happy. "I got a job! Baby, I finally got a job!" He yells, screams almost, and it makes your eyes water; not because he's taking a huge weight off your shoulder, but because this has been one of his biggest goals ever since he started this journey of getting help. He's so happy about it that this time you can't keep it in, you can't stop the tears as they flow out, making you hiccup and wheep into his shoulder as you struggle to get your words out. "Baby- Princess, hey hey-" He says, setting you down as his hands wipe away at your eyes, the letter confirming his acceptance still in his left hand as he worriedly looks at you. "Why are you crying angel? hm?" He cooes, admittedly a bit amused, because he can imagine what's happening.

"I'm so happy!" You squeeze out, before another wave hits you, and he kneels down, holding you tightly again, as he doesn't let go of you, his love for you overflowing inside his veins as it fills his entire body. He's so thankful for your existence in his life, and he will never be truly able to properly tell you that. It's impossible to put it into his words how much he appreciates you staying at his side through this entire endeavor. Every time he's asked why he does this, his answer is always your name on his lips, always spoken with a slight smile, nowadays a bright grin he's not ashamed showing.

You don't let him go until he chuckles. "Will you let me close the door at least?" He asks amused, as he feels the slightly cool breeze coming inside from the complex' hallway. You disconnect yourself from him for a moment, wiping your eyes with your sleeve as he closes the door, finally taking off his shoes at last, as he walks back, running towards you with a playful growl that makes you laugh as you try and run away from him. But he catches you easily, carrying you over his shoulder into the bedroom, where he bites and licks at your neck, hands pinching your sides making you squirm around and laugh, desperately trying to get away from him. He'll never let you, and you know this, so its unsurprising that he's suddenly pulling your sweater over your head, needing to be close to you. It's cold inside the apartment, and you shiver as the almost icy air around you nips at your skin. "Can't wait until we can use the heating again.." He murmurs against your skin as he shifts around a bit, carefully undressing himself before he crawls underneath the heavy covers with you. "then you can flaunt around in your pretty underwear all day without getting cold." He chuckles, as you hit his chest playfully at the remark. "What? Its always so cold I never get to see you in it." He whines, as he reaches between your legs, inked hand easily working you up as you squirm around. "I never get to see your pretty body properly because we have to hide away like this." He complains, and you simply whine at him, as he suddenly enters you. "For now I'll just warm you up like this, hm?" He humms out, and you nod, not really understanding what you're agreeing to, but you do it anyways.

He's awfully slow and soft, you notice, as he' way more collected as usual. "I love this." He suddenly presses out, eyes closed in bliss as he kisses the side if your neck, trailing down to nip at your collarbone, while his hands find yours, intertwining your fingers in a gesture you can only describe as awfully romantic. "I love being able to make love to you." He explains, as you open your eyes a bit, meeting his as he watches you underneath him. "Though I think you don't mind me being a bit rough with you, no?" He playfully suggests, and your cheeks grow a bit red at that, before he laughs, head dipping down to properly kiss your lips, tongue instantly searching for entrance as he doesn't pick up the pace. "Can't wait until you're all round with my baby." He suddenly suggests, and your eyes open wide as you open your mouth to correct him, but you shut up as his eyes meet yours, determination in them as he suddenly grabs the behind of your thighs, positioning them a bit differently to hit even deeper. "I know, I know-" He chants, as he picks up his pace. "I don't care." He presses out between his own heavy breaths. "I'll just-" He begins, loving the way you mewl under his touch, "I'll just fuck you over and over again until it works." He promises, and you simply nod, unable to deny him. The chances you'll ever conceive are slim- but as he states, never zero. "I'll just- I'll just fill you up until your body can't help but give me a child." He muses, as you start to clench. And he knows, notices, how much this idea is just as enticing to you as it is to him. "You gonna cum? Hm?" He asks, and you nod vigorously before you arch your back off the mattress, making him groan as he shoots his load as well, the visual image of your pleasure underneath him combined with the way you clench his aching length inside granting him his release as well.

As you lay on your sides, all snuggled up underneath the covers after cleaning up, he kisses your bare shoulder, eyes closed. "I mean it, you know." He says, and you humm a reply, before he explains further. "I want a family with you. Someday. When I'm ready." He says, and you nod. You'll somehow make it work, you know this. If he can overcome his demons, you can overcome your own cursed body as well. You deeply hope, at least.

Because Jeon Jungkook is sick, but he's starting to see a future.

"Jeon!" His coworker yells in the big hall he's working in. "Why, pray tell, did you never tell us your girl is that fucking pretty, aye?" He barks in a playful manner, as you walk inside beside the old man, carrying a small plastic bag with what he assumes is a lunchbox. The view of you next to that man stirs something inside him, as he slowly gets up, wrench still in his hand, brows furrowed.

"Because your filthy hands should stay six feet away from her." He responds, with his brows still furrowed, before he finally sneezes.

"Bless you, hah! I'll let you have your break earlier-" The old man winks at you, then gives Jungkook a firm hit against the chest, taking the wrench away from him. "But only because she's cute!" He laughs, as he walks into the hall, Jungkook now walking towards you.

You're proud of him.

Months ago, this would've never been possible; neither the simple fact that he had a job, nor the small incident with his coworker just now. He still got easily irritated, but he worked through these emotions way more easy nowadays. His coworkers and boss know of his past, know what he was like and know that he's still deep in therapy, but they don't judge. They simply accept him, tame him back into his cage whenever he's close to boiling over again. You love the fact that you can walk inside the breakroom with him, eyes sparkling with newfound childish playfulness as he peaks inside the bag you brought him. He's still very careful with you leaving the house, but its not anymore just for his own gain- he's more open to his surroundings, he's starting to think about how he and his actions can affect others. He doesn't care much still; but he's realized that pretending is enough for now. Small steps.

"The handyman was there today." You say, as you watch him dig into the fried rice you brought him, his interest now gained. "They turned on the heating again. Can you imagine? I didn't even know we had floorboard heating!" You exclaimed excitedly, and Jungkooks eyes widen as well.

"Really? I didn't know either. Fuck, can't wait to come home now." He says, swallowing his bite before taking a sip of his canned soda. "Did that label contact you yet?" He asks, and you shake your head. Recently, you had gained the interest of a bigger clothing label, who wanted to collaborate with you for this season's designs. "Ah, that takes time I guess. We'll wait, its fine." You know he's not only saying that for you, but himself as well. He still gets agitated over small things, but he deals with them a bit more easily. "I'll be home in a couple hours. Do you wanna wait here, or go home?" He asks, and you stand up, packing his now empty food container as you smile.

"I'll take the bus, don't worry." You say, and he furrows his brows playfully.

"Mask?" He asks, and you hold it up proudly, well aware of the precautions you need to take to make public transport safe for you.

"Good girl. Text me when you're home yeah? I'll get us takeout for dinner." He says, as he kisses the top of your head. You nod, and wave him goodbye as you two go separate ways, at least for now, until he's finally free of work.

Jeon Jungkook is sick.

But he's slowly healing.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #dom!jungkook #dom jungkook #Bad Habits!AU

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imamotherfuckingstar-lord · 3 years

Text

Next to You

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: angst/fluff.

a/n: GIF requested by @captain-pikas-world . I haven't written much since my dad passed in December. This is my attempt to get back into it. Hope you enjoy.

The air is heavy, it always feels heavy to Bucky as he steps out into the world. Every time, his breath is slacked with nerves trapped at the tip of his tongue. He eases towards the crowd of people, everyone gathering near the lake. His eyes moves around to each face, his instinct is to look for Sam. His best friend now, the person who has pushed him further than he thought he could go. It would be a lie to say the pair had an easy start, it was rough but like the leaves underneath his boots – they were able to snap into something new. New pieces of who they are after Steve's departure, and Bucky was the first to admit, it works. Everything therapy and Sam has taught him, along with his own self reflection, has helped. In the mirror, each morning, he sees something new. A mixture of his old self and who is he now – he actually smiles now. Yet, he knows something has not entirely come back – the ease of being around a woman he adores.

His eyes finally land on Sam, but they only are on the man for a few seconds before making there way to you. Where you are standing next to his friend, the two of you facing the lake. Bucky's heart starts to race as he forces himself to move forward, feeling ridiculous that one single person was making him stumble over his steps. Of all the things he has gone through, this was what was going to give him a heart attack. Muttering to himself that he was being stupid, he reaches Sam's side with a slight smile.

“Sorry I'm late,” he apologies and you turn to him. His throat clenches as you smile and point out to the lake.

“Sam was thinking we could charter a boat for the day, what do you think? Was Steve a fishing type?”

Right, Bucky thought to himself. The day was about celebrating the one common factor in your friendship – Steve Rogers.

“We went fishing a few times, but neither of us were exactly fishermen.”

“Or men,” Sam snorts and you laugh.

“Ah, well, it's the thought that counts, right?”

Bucky grins finally, eyes entirely on you. He nods lightly. “Yeah, that's all that counts.”

Sam's facial expression changes and suddenly he's declaring that he was going to go see about a boat near the dock station. You wave him off and ask Bucky to help with the poles and supplies from the car. The two of you walk in silence through the crowd, it was a national holiday so the lake was a little crowded.

“Maybe we should have come a different day,” you sigh, unlocking your car. Bucky agrees, but opens the trunk and gives you a small nudge.

“Your idea is great, it's going to be great.”

His reassurances turns your stomach warm, the sun bearing down on your skin as he hands over the poles. “Take these and I'll get the rest.”

Effortlessly, Bucky gathers all the supplies for the boat, including an oversize ice chest and asks you if you were ready. You feel anxious as he walks at your side, wondering out loud if Sam was able to secure a boat for the day. There is a handful of boats already out on the lake, so the prospects were looking bad as the two of you caught up to Sam. Yet, he is all smiles, tossing up keys in the air, catching them with a smirk.

“Great, he's going to gloat all day about this.”

“Maybe being on a boat with the two of you was a bad idea,” you tease.

Bucky laughs. “Too late now.”

“I'm steering,” Sam declares, although neither Bucky or you even knew how. “I'm Captain on and off land, so let's go.”

The boat is nice, large enough for a handful of people. It only takes about twenty minutes to leave the dock, after getting settled and making sure everything was accounted for. Sam takes to the wheel and whistles when the engine comes on, Bucky rolls his eyes but the smile on his face is clear as the day. You sit across from him as Sam takes the boat out into the middle of the lake. Bucky catches your eyes several times, always looking down at his lap with a bashful expression. You try to not overthink his looks and just enjoy the ride of it all. When Sam is finally satisfied with the perfect spot, the three of you gather in the middle of the boat with drinks in hand.

“To Steve, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have either of you in my life,” Sam proposes, nodding his head to Bucky and you. “Now whether that is a good or bad thing is up for interpretation.”

“Jackass,” Bucky mutters, but you laugh, like you always do. It's a simple, telling laugh that clutches Bucky by the heart each time he hears it. A laugh that eases him in any situation, a laugh he misses at night when he is alone in his apartment.

“To Steve,” you declare, holding up your beer. The two men follow suit and you allow Sam one sip before taking it away. He obliges and lets you, finishing it off. The men applaud you, even though you apologize for the small burp that comes out of your mouth.

“It's fine,” Bucky smiles, taking the empty can from you. “It's kind of cute.”

Sam's eyes widen and he claps his hands together. “I'm going to check on the wheel real quick, make sure everything is good. Then we eat, I made some bomb ass sandwiches.”

Bucky tries to ignore the wink Sam gives him before making himself scarce. He's almost too afraid to glance your way as you sit back down. He manages to take his seat, quickly stealing a look at you. His heart races as your eyes stare back, his face tightens.

“I miss him,” you whisper and Bucky immediately understands.

“Yeah, I miss the punk too.”

Looking down at the beer can in your hand, you sigh. “He really just went and made a life for himself. You knew, didn't you? Sam didn't. I didn't.”

Bucky's eyes move down to his lap, his throat warm as he nods. “He told me his plan and who was I to stop him? I couldn't do that to him. Sam and you, you were his closes friends – he...he didn't want to hurt you two.”

“I understand, but can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why didn't you go back?”

Everything seems to go quiet as the question touches Bucky's ears. This was a question no one ever thought to ask. A question he has asked himself plenty of times until he was finally able to gather an answer – an answer he never had a reason to say out loud. He opens his mouth, but his chance is interrupted by Sam's reappearance.

“Whose hungry?”

The food is delicious, the three of you sit around and eat for the next hour. The air is fresh as each of you take turns telling a Steve story, the boat is flooded with laughter as the tales are told. Bucky takes to recalling old days, Sam brings up the time Steve took him to a ball game, and you mention all the failed attempts at getting Steve a date. The afternoon slowly turns into a soft evening as fireworks light up the lake. The screams of delight fill the air as Sam, Bucky, and you stand side by side. The boat rocks gently, causes you to stumble into Bucky. He grins and takes a hold of your shoulder with his hand, as Sam claps and hollers at the light show. He is not paying attention to his friends, instead he's taking video on his cell for Sarah and his nephews.

“Are you okay?”

“Metaphorically or in the moment?”

Bucky's face softens and whispers, “In the moment.”

You ignore the booms of the fireworks surrounding the lake, instead focusing on the weight of his fingers on your shoulder. “I'm good, you?”

Slowly, his smile fades and he glances over to Sam. He is either to busy recording the show or is trying to be a good friend by pretending nothing is happening between his friends. Bucky looks back at you and sighs. “I have an answer to your question. I – I thought about this a lot. I want to tell you.”

Bucky's eyes seem vulnerable and it is something you do not take lightly. Having know him for years now, you always have made sure to take things at his pace. Your friendship was what you had always offered to Bucky, because that was what he needed after Steve left. Yet, love slowly crept its way into your heart a few years back. Sam was the only person aware, his encouraging words were always a blessed curse, because what if the feelings were not mutual?

Losing Bucky, after losing Steve, would only hurt more.

“Tell me,” you whisper back, heart racing.

He looks up at the sky, for encouragement before laying his eyes on you. “Steve, he had something to go back to. At the end of the day, he was still that boy from Brooklyn. I wasn't, I wasn't the same, after everything, going back – going back would have been torture. I had to settle things here and going back would have been running away. That's why I couldn't go with him.”

You stare at him as his hand slips from your shoulder, but before it could reach his side, you take it. His hand is warm as you hold onto it tightly, struggling to get the words out. Holding onto his hand as the fireworks explode into the sky, the colors reflecting in Bucky's eyes. It was obscene, the look in his eyes as you felt his thumb across your skin. It was a look of something more than lust, it was fate.

“You've atoned, Bucky. You are a free man, this world belongs to you.”

His eyes close for a moment, heart racing as the feeling of something new bursts colors into his insides. All the atonement, the self reflection had gotten him here – on a boat with his best friend and the woman of his life. This, it felt, was what it was all about.

The torture, the self hatred, the loneliness.

Bucky was truly free now.

All that is left, the last thing on his list, is you.

Looking over to Sam, he chuckles when he realizes his friend has once again disappears. Grinning, Bucky squeezes your hand before gently pulling you towards him. Your hand falls on his chest and he reaches up to touch the side of your face. Your heart is racing, as his is. The two of you can not manage a single world, but as the fireworks illuminate the sky in a grand finale, he kisses you on the lips.

#bucky #bucky barns x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #marvel #ivonnes imagine #bucky barnes fluff

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atticsandwitch · 3 years

Text

Obey Me! Characters and an MC with chronic pain

More self indulgence

Lucifer

Is aware, thanks to Barbatos, but also respects your privacy.

Probably won't act like he already knows if you decide to tell him.

Can't stay by your side as much as he wants, but he works hard behind the scenes to make sure you're taken care of.

Makes sure the first aid cabinet is always stocked with pain meds.

Calls you in sick when you need to miss school.

Schedules your doctors appointments

Often tutors you to make sure you don't get behind.

Makes Mammon bring you your homework, Has Satan pick up your meds.

Still wishes he could do more.

The first to check on you in the morning if you wake up in pain and are late to breakfast.

Mammon

The first to know after Barbatos. He's always in your room going through your things, so he found your medications, aids, etc and tried failed to find a subtle way to ask you about them.

Is honestly amazed that you have to deal with that every day and still manage to do everything that you do for him and his brothers, and all with a smile.

Thinks you're a badass.

Whenever he goes on shopping sprees with Goldie, he buys you anything he sees that he thinks might help.

He doesn't know what it is, but it says its for pain, so MC might be able to use it!

It breaks his heart to see his human in pain, and he feels helpless, so he'll stay by you and stroke your hair during pain flare ups.

Hovers a little.

Always willing to lay in bed and have a Harrison Porter marathon.

Gets really good at wrapping your joints in compression bandages, braces, or kinesio-tape.

Leviathan

The resident Akuzon addict will actually research all the best products for coping with pain. He'll sort through reviews and find whatever sounds the most helpful.

He finds out when he invites you to an anime/gaming marathon and you decline, saying you're in pain.

Boy doesn't run, but he's at your door in three seconds flat and out of breath, trying to make sure you're okay.

Video chats, live streams, and other technological ways to hang out become a common option for the two of you, but he also sets up an area in his room just for you, where you can lay down and access anything you'd need to feel better. Tens unit? Check. Pain meds? Check. Heating pad? Check. Braces? Check. Ice packs? Check. The list goes on, MC.

Knows all your comfort characters/series, and incorporates them into his comfort strategies. "'You're amazing! I don't know anyone who could handle what you do every day!' That's what the die-hard gamer from your favorite anime would say in a situation like this, right?!"

Satan

Makes a point to do things for you before you can even ask him to.

Will get things for you, bring them to you, put things you've left out back in your room or where you'll easily find them so you don't have to go looking.

Always offers to carry things for you.

Reads up on whatever he can that might help.

Should we get Cerberus certified as an emotional support/service animal?

Obviously a good tutor when you need help with school.

Reads to you or sends you cat videos when you're having a bad day.

He's really good at reading people, so he's one of the first to notice when your mood starts to change due to the pain.

Makes the others aware whenever he realizes you're having a pain flare up.

The Devildom Museum of Art is suddenly offering virtual tours of all their new exhibits. Hmmm I wonder who could be responsible for that.

Asmodeus

The king of massages and back rubs.

Seriously, it makes Mammon jealous, so Asmo's always giving you back rubs in his room so Mammon can't butt in and demand that he takes his hands off you.

Always there to offer you a hot bath

Learns all about aromatherapy, and knows all the best scents for relaxation and pain relief.

Always buying lotions and massage oils to use on you, especially if he thinks they'll help.

Knows about all of the newest super food trends and encourages a healthy lifestyle and diet without being pushy.

Drink lots of water, MC!

Encourages you to take it easy, and to never feel guilty about taking care of yourself.

Seriously, Asmo will force you to take self care or mental health days if he thinks you need it. (Much to Lucifer's chagrin. Guess he's calling you in sick again.)

Beelzebub

Along with Belphie, he's very good at being able to read your mood and tell when you're starting to feel bad.

Likes giving you piggy-back rides and always offers to carry things for you.

Seriously, between Beel and Satan, you don't ever have to lift a finger if you don't want to.

Checks in with you often, but tries to make sure he's not hovering. He wants to help as often as he can, but doesn't want to take away any of your independence.

Gets really into physical therapy and learns all the best stretches and exercises to help you, but still knows that sometimes only junk food can make things better.

Takes it upon himself to bring you all your meals. He'll even pack you lunches, or go get your food for you in the cafeteria.

Knows all your favorite comfort foods.

Really just wants to hold you when you're not feeling well.

Probably the second best at massages after Asmo.

Belphegor

Prides himself on how well he knows you, and can tell when you're starting to feel run down almost before you can.

Takes it upon himself to learn your limits so he knows when you're pushing yourself and can distract you so you don't overdo it and wind up in pain later.

A little bossy, but his heart's in the right place, "Don't sit like that, MC, your back will hurt later"

Canonically already carries around stomach medicine for Beel, so he's definitely carrying pain meds around for you too.

Snuggle buddies for life.

As much as he enjoys/needs sleep, if you're having a pain flare up, he'll make sure to stay awake to stroke your hair and comfort you until you fall asleep first.

Tries to make jokes to make you feel better.

Doesn't seem like it, but he's a pretty good tutor too. He's used to cramming at the last minute.

Diavolo

Makes sure you have any accommodations that you may need. Online classes, extensions, extra sick days, you name it.

Checks in with you often, but won't say anything about your condition unless you tell him first. Will act like he doesn't know until then. But will sheepishly admit the truth if you find out and apologize.

Does anything he can to help magically as often as possible, but there are rules and limitations even for him.

All he really wants to do is take care of you and treat you to things. Anything at all that he can do to help, really.

Would pamper you within an inch of your life if he could.

Has the Little D's help you out with things all the time, but tells them to act like it's just coincidence that they're there and have time to help.

Lucifer and Barbatos both have to remind him that you need rest and he can't constantly be checking in on you. They roll their eyes whenever they see the Little D's approach you.

Barbatos

Was probably the one in charge of all the details of the exchange program, like transportation and background information, so he would have been the first to know.

Made Diavolo and Lucifer aware as part of his duties, but respects your privacy and wouldn't offer any details without permission.

Seriously admires your strength. It takes a lot to deal with pain every day.

Always has pain meds, braces, or other small helpful items on hand.

Does more for you than anyone besides Diavolo.

Diavolo and Lucifer both think it's sweet, and may tease him a little.

Solomon

Always has magic ointments and creams on hand, and gives them to you often.

Knows that weather can affect pain, and checks in on you when it rains.

Will take notes for you in class and bring them to you at the House of Lamentation.

Worries more than he lets on.

Does extra medicinal magic on you without your knowledge, but only if he knows it'll help somehow. Normally he has no problem experimenting on people, but he cares too much about you, and you've been through enough.

Simeon

Likes to cook for you when you're not feeling well and brings meals to you when you miss school sometimes.

Is really good at taking care of people.

Always there to listen, and very sympathetic.

Has to hold himself back from hovering, but having to remind Luke helps him.

Loves playing with your hair while he comforts you.

Forehead kisses.

Like Beel, he just wants to hold you and make things better.

Luke

Worries about you a lot when you miss school.

Simeon and Solomon have to remind him that he can't constantly call or check on you because you need your rest, but if one of them visits you, you can bet that he's tagging along.

You're so strong MC!

Making you desserts as we speak.

Would share his comfort items with you.

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