#it has fucking tag functionality i literally love tags
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feather , the drama queen
“ i say she’s too dramatic ”
series m. list
( socialmedia!au )
yourusername
liked by lhughes_06, missseraphina and 310,937 others
yourusername photo dump time 🗣️🗣️
guess who ran into connor bedard at the family function 😱 he was looking at me weird n shit cuz me and mark were cosplaying as rapunzel and flynn rider
also i love taking screenshots of my bf and his goofy brothers when they look stupid!
tagged: lhughes_06, markestapa, _quinnhughes, trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, masonmctavish23, _connorbedard
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jamie.drysdale where did you find that pic of us.
→ yourusername use ur common sense
→ trevorzegras this feels like a violation
→ yourusername it is! ☺️
_connorbedard i was looking at you weird because you are weird.
→ yourusername awww cmon ur no fun 😔 we all know im ur favorite relative
→ _connorbedard we’re not related.
→ jamie.drysdale oh my god not even your cousin loves you yourusername
→ yourusername SHUT UP JAMIE
→ _connorbedard WE’RE. NOT. COUSINS?????
→ trevorzegras breaking news!!! bedsy and jamie are related 😱😱
→ _connorbedard my finger is hovering over the block button
username44 funny that she posts this RIGHT NOW..
→ username10 they all have her blocked they don’t know anything
trevorzegras WHEN THERES SOMETHING STRANGE
→ yourusername IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
→ _quinnhughes aw that sounds just like the two of you
→ luca.fantilli WHO YOU GONNA CALL
→ rutgermcgroarty GHOSTBUSTERS!
→ adamfantilli 👻👻👻
→ yourusername quinn YOU’RE the strange looking thing in the neighborhood 🤬 _quinnhughes
→ jackhughes flashbacks to when that little kid got scared when he opened the door
→ _quinnhughes oh my god I WAS WEARING A COSTUME
username79 did anyone else notice who liked the post…
→ username3 good lord she’s back
luca.fantilli it seems war is NOT over 😔
→ yourusername ????
→ dylanduke25 luca i thought you had her blocked smh
→ luca.fantilli how’d you know who i was talking about unless you didn’t have her blocked either???
→ yourusername …
_quinnhughes everyone’s gonna start calling me depressed now 😐
→ yourusername sweetie they’ve been calling you depressed keep up
→ _quinnhughes 😨
→ jackhughes 😱
→ lhughes_06 🤯
dylanduke25 let’s give me the credit for that costume idea!
→ yourusername you told me to dress up as mother gothel.
→ dylanduke25 out of love 🤗
→ markestapa YOU TOLD ME TO DRESS LIKE THE FUCKING HORSE.
→ lhughes_06 HEY MAXIMUS IS A GREAT CHARACTER
edwards.73 why is mark at the family function 🤨
→ yourusername his mama wanted to come 😈
→ markestapa that’s a lie she forced me to come because i was the only one willing to dress up as flynn rider for her
→ edwards.73 …why are you dressing up in costumes at the family function?????
→ yourusername THE KIDS ALWAYS DO A LITTLE COSTUME PLAY CONTEST THING
→ jamie.drysdale she made me dress up as the lorax when we were in middle school
→ yourusername stop complaining i was literally mr o’hare
→ jamie.drysdale AND THEN YOU MADE ME LORD FARQUAD THE YEAR AFTER THAT
→ yourusername 🙄🙄
→ trevorzegras pics or it didn’t happen.
lhughes_06 you really snuck that cute ass pic of you thinking we wouldn’t notice
→ yourusername ew i hate you
→ lhughes_06 you love me
→ yourusername 🙄
→ lhughes_06 say it ☹️
→ yourusername 🥱
→ jackhughes PLEASE JUST SAY IT ALREADY I CANT STAND HIS WHINING
→ yourusername no can do jacky boy 😓
→ lhughes_06 you little shit
→ yourusername luv u too 😒😒
username10 connor looks so done
username98 quinn has never had a good pic of himself posted by any of his friends 💀
mackie.samo I COULDVE BEEN FLYNN RIDER WHY DIDNT U ASK ME
→ yourusername i asked mark first 😓
→ markestapa HAH take that
colecaufield i took that second photo 😒
→ yourusername our lovely backup photographer 🫶🫶
→ lhughes_06 your quality is kinda ass
→ colecaufield BRO i took it on your phone???
missseraphina
liked by yourusername and 202 others
missseraphina i know you miss me, bc why else would you have texted me last night? 🥰
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username24 oh babe.. that’s not…..
username8 girly this is a bit obsessive don’t you think? 😭
username61 he’s taken. TAKEN.
username82 yesss girl get your man back!!
→ username40 …as in the one that’s in a relationship rn??
username77 sweetie just find someone else already
username95 I THOUGHT THEY ALL BLOCKED HER but lil drizz just liked the post what
→ yourusername it gave me a good laugh what can i say
username43 they’re making an absolute mockery out of her
username20 LMFAOOO
username18 don’t tell me she’s still going on with ts 😭😭
username55 but let’s think about it.. she wouldn’t have posted this unless he actually texted her
username39 it’s bc he still wants u 😝😝
→ username14 i KNOW you’re not talking about luke hughes 💀
yourusername
liked by adamfantilli, jamie.drysdale, dylanduke25, and 347,252 others
yourusername oh girl you’re obsessed 🥱
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username90 HELL YEAH we’re back on the drama train
jamie.drysdale i thought i told you to block her 😑
→ yourusername I DID but then all my friends were telling me abt the shit she was posting and i couldn’t resist 😞😞
mackie.samo you’re so petty
→ yourusername aw cmon mack you know you love my pettiness 🤗🤗
→ mackie.samo uh huh i definitely do
→ markestapa bro ur literally pettier than she is
→ mackie.samo give me ONE good example
→ markestapa you blocked me for a week because i said your hair looks like a rat lives in it 😐
→ mackie.samo thanks for the reminder im blocking you again
username10 babe ur feeding into the drama 😭
→ yourusername i know 😈
username34 WHEN SHE PLAYS MULTIPLE INSTRUMENTSSSSS
username28 our multi-talented queen!!
adamfantilli will we ever be done with the couple-y shit 😒
→ yourusername when she’s done obsessing over my man 🫶
→ lhughes_06 what’s that heart for yourusername
→ edwards.73 you’re so possesive luke get over yourself 🙄🙄
→ adamfantilli FR
→ markestapa FR
→ luca.fantilli FR
→ jackhughes FR
→ rutgermcgroarty FR
→ _alexturcotte FR
→ _quinnhughes FR
→ trevorzegras FR
→ dylanduke25 FR
→ jamie.drysdale FR
→ colecaufield FR
→ mackie.samo FR
→ yourusername not again 😭
username88 is she ever gonna go away
luca.fantilli but when you think about it.. luke probably DID text her to provoke that post
→ yourusername LMFAO he would neverrrrr right? lhughes_06
→ lhughes_06 um
→ lhughes_06 i don’t wanna lie to you
→ yourusername oh
→ luca.fantilli oh shit 🤯
→ jamie.drysdale what.
→ markestapa DUDE I THOUGHT YOU BLOCKED HER lhughes_06
→ edwards.73 there’s no fucking way
→ _quinnhughes …
username20 goddamn what happened under luca’s comment 😭😭
username24 holy shit there’s no way luke actually texted her again
username80 oh my god???
notes )
cliffhanger 🙊🙊
yes we’re back but not really (?) this one’s been sitting in the drafts for a while so.. i hope it’s fairly adequate LMAOO
tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot @absolutelyhugh3s @jackquinnswife @freds-slut @love4ldr @blueeyedbesson @43hughes @v1olentdelights @dancerbailey3 @random-human02 @ho3forfakeguys @loveforaugust @cstads-blog @h0e4fictionalme-n @bunting58
#luke hughes#luke hughes x y/n#luke hughes x reader#luke hughes fanfic#luke hughes fic#quinn hughes#jack hughes#cole caufield#alex turcotte#trevor zegras#jamie drysdale#rutger mcgroarty#adam fantilli#luca fantilli#ethan edwards#mark estapa#dylan duke#mackie samoskevich
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never in my life did i think i need to makeout with a piece of software so badly but here we are i guess
#lizzy speaks#OK IM BEING OVERDRAMATIC AND I WOULD ELABORATE BUT I NEED TO SLEEP BUT#DO YOU EVER JUST#FUCK !!!!!!#IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO COME ACROSS A PIEC EOF SOFTWARE#i need to fiddle around with it some more but everything ive seen about it is MIND BLOWING to me#ive been waiting my entire life for this moment i think#i feel like it's funnier if i don't say what the software is. i wanna be mysterious so bad but i cannot shut the fuck up#literally been suffering through notetaking and organization softwares and im like ohh i think i finally found the one#this is the minecraft of sex i think its like wowza i can finally do all those writing projects i want to do#boys (me) don't want girls they want an organized database of notes that they can easily reference at anytime#sorry for being unhinged but like its like past midnight lol im sure i'll wake up in the morning and be like 'what the FUCK were you doing'#BUT!!! i think ill come back to this post to reblog it with like actual shit about the software when i figure out how i want to use it#i think everyone should experience joys in life. and sometimes that joy is having organized notes#bonus points if anyone can figure out what im talking about just from the tags alone i think this software will change my life#it has fucking tag functionality i literally love tags#sorry about the vocabulary but this rivals like. my love of spreadsheets. which are like. a wonderful thing i think but ANYWAY IM RAMBLING#anyways goodnight i wish you all on the dash a very lovely evening i just needed to share this because im so overjoyed right now o7#if you have a software that you really like thats changed you feel free to tell me in the tags or something :) i like learning new things
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You know, you’d think tumblr staff would be too busy with the literal hundreds of spam bots I reported yesterday (and the other hundred a few days before that, and the other couple hundred last week, and the literal thousands I haven’t had the time/spoons to go through and report) to ban random trans people or censor screenshots of tweets about trans rights. And Yet guess which blogs are still up posting stolen pictures of random peoples breasts and genitals and which blogs are just straight up gone
#like. I literally spent an executive function spiral just going through random tags until I found a spam bot#and then reporting every bit that likes the post#there’s so fucking many y’all#every single one of their posts that’s been up for more than a day has exactly 120 notes#and they’re all likes from other spam bots#the older ones have names made up of two random words#but over the course of the month they’ve gone to three words and then four#I think I’ve seen a couple with numbers at the end#they’re all hyphenated together like this: random-cream-very-fridge#just completely random words#and a lot of them use the same pictures as each other#like there’s one pic of a person in a dress with both their genitals and their chest exposed#so all the bots have posts that zoom in on either the upper or lower part of the picture#(or they’re from the same photo shoot? it’s the same dress and background in both pics)#but like. youd think staff would be too busy banning the literal goddam genitals getting plastered here#(which like. say what you will about the censorship but it IS against TOS)#but instead they’re censoring pictures of women going ‘wow this is what I looked like last year. I love gender transition!’#and it’s just pictures of peoples faces#staff. y’all REALLY aren’t beating the transphobia allegations here
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sue me but i just really don’t wanna see someone try to rectify that terrible cliche out of character love triangle again like. if they chose to cut that out all together (not cutting YUMI out all together, obviously, just the romantic implications) then they’d probably have my attention. but let’s be real that’s probably not gonna happen
#legit you can cut out all romantic implications in that story and it’d literally not effect the plot at all#all the driving forces of the plot are already there. and they set that in stone when they made yakuza 0- nishiki and kiryu’s story#is between them and them alone and that’s how their story should end as well. yumi is important to the plot of y1/kiwami but not as a#an object in between kiryu and nishiki- she’s important for her own individual reasons and throughout the entirety of 1 she functions by her#own volition. she’s got her own shit going on and though it intersects with kiryu and nishiki in the end (and before that via haruka)#it literally has nothing to do with romance– it has to do with the 10 billion yen and haruka and how she ties into all of that#the fact that they’re all childhood friends COULD have been a very interesting piece of the ending to play with narratively speaking but#they don’t explore that instead they just say unga bunga straight men must fight over woman unga bunga#like come on are you fucking kidding me#she had her own whole ass life for 10 years. so did the other two for better or for worse. nishiki is a murderer and kiryu got ten years of#his life taken away by prison. but no it’s all secretly actually connected by a love triangle that’s been#just sorta hibernating for ten years or something#god#sorry I just. I hate it man i hate it so much there’s so much potential and good parts of the plot to explore but they DONT#becuase of heteronormative cliche bullshit that doesn’t make sense both narratively and in terms of the characters’ personalities#and backgrounds and morals and aggsgdhshshsxjhdhfjfjfjxjfhdhshss#rambling#call me a misogynist or whatever if you want but if you read these tags you see why I think the LESS misogynistic option would be to cut#out the love triangle/romantic shit completely and focus more on HER as HER OWN gigantic piece of the puzzle#with her own fucking Life#yk1
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so tired of the "they're not aging because they're unproblematic" angle. wrong. it's botox. it's botox, it's botox, it's botox, it's botox, it's botox, it's-
#everytime i see this it makes me FERAL#WHAT DO U THINK WEALTHY PEOPLE DO BABES#HOW DO U THINK THEY AGE SO ✨️ gracefully ✨️#it's literally cosmetic surgery.#anyways we should be allowed to grow old and look UGLY#some features are purely pragmatic and that's ok#our bodies are meant to be functional. they are meant to love us and be loved. beauty is nowhere in that contract#fuck beauty as a standard we should measure everything by#it is enough to live and be alive#last thing: fuck cosmetic surgery for what it has done#fuck how normalized botox is#i cant count how many times i heard my mother talking about her fear of aging and her countless wrinkle-free creams#i cant begin to cover how many times she would look in the mirror and measure out what she would get and where#and i know she isn't the only one#and i know this is a symptom of a larger problem#but it's fucked we buy into it#god that was long#goodnight <3#em speaks#new tag:#em rants
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AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED
Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.
It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:
As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.
If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.
No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).
Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.
There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.
For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.
The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.
Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.
If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.
Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.
Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.
People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.
Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.
Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.
It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.
The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.
I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.
I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.
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okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and she’s like “noooo pls don’t be mad i hate when you’re mad at me I’m sorry🥺” bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but he’s like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesn’t like blow up on her until she finally says like “pls talk to me” and he’s all pissed and like “hell na bitch u crazy!🗣️‼️” but then later he’s like “it’s ok i love u but neva do that shit again ho” then they make up and it’s good again 🎀 ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job 🤔 sigh … idk I’m leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em
hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it
warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......
a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye
“I cannot believe you right now. I don’t even—I don’t even know what to say.”
“Spencer, you don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and I’m not looking for your approval.”
He looks up from where he’d been rubbing his temples, like you’re a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief.
“Oh! You’re not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I just said I don’t care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.”
“You distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I don’t understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.”
The words bite more than you were prepared for—but what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past you’d both said things you didn’t mean, and then would immediately melt into I’m so sorry’s and the fight would resolve itself. Spencer’s clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication.
You take a step closer to where he’s bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest.
“Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.”
Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if you’re imagining it. Panic wells in your chest.
“Please talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. I’m sorry, okay? Just... please say something.”
Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but there’s not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything that’s wrong with you.
“Believe me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.”
And then he’s leaving the kitchen—nothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there.
The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know he’s doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply it’s nearly disabling; but that doesn’t make it hurt much less. It doesn’t make you feel less abandoned or alone.
You’re sad, and you’re still pissed, and maybe you’re in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is right—unless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault?
It’s a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isn’t supposed to ever be aimed at you. It’s not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesn’t belong in this apartment. It’s not something he needs to use against you. He’s supposed to be on your side. But instead, he’d said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now you’re doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday.
---------------------------------------------------
The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer.
He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you don’t acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence.
“Can we talk?”
You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph.
“I don’t know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?”
“That is... well deserved,” he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. There’s a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. “Are you doing homework right now? I’m a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"
“What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. “The only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!”
The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth.
Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his arms—and you just let him. There’s not much fight left in you. There wasn’t a lot to begin with.
“I am so sorry, angel. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have said what I said, I shouldn’t have walked away. I overreacted.”
“Yeah, you really did,” you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. “Why did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?”
His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins.
“I was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knew—I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t. But I think I was just scared. Which—I know, doesn’t really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced I’d never get clean that I didn’t even want to anymore, and—and the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.”
“But I’m not like you or Ethan. You don’t have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. That’s a road you don’t have to worry about me going down, ever.”
He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt.
“Yeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday he’d be shooting up in the bathroom at work?”
“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencer’s shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. It’s still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didn’t know him then, but you’ve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and it’s... it’s just too much. Too sad.
“Okay,” he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. “I digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while it’s not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.”
You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devil’s advocate; in this case, you.
“But that doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.”
You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake.
After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered.
“Are you still mad at me?”
He’s quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm.
“I’m not thrilled. But you were right earlier. It’s not my place to be mad at you for something like that.”
“Mm... it’s a little bit your place. You’re an actual professor.”
He chuckles.
“At an entirely different university.”
“Thank god,” you laugh. “You and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.”
While it’s almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident.
“Yeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.”
“Okay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?”
Spencer sighs.
“It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. It’s my tentative, professional opinion that you’ll probably be fine.”
You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didn’t realize was there to shed like an old skin.
“I’m not gonna cheat again,” you promise on an exhale. It’s simply too much risk for too little reward.
Spencer’s response is quiet, and comes much faster than you’d expected.
“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because if you do, you’re going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And I’m not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.”
But something about the way he says it—a thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your forehead—doesn’t exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x you
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I'm in love with your "mori is functionally skk's dad" art! I keep thinking about it 24/7! Partially because it's funny, partially because it reminds me about the time my father called me an "accessory to sin" and yeah that sounds like something that would happen in this AU.
Anon I need you to understand that this is no AU this a strong belief of mine, canon Mori has some serious issues with being a parental/mentor figure for overpowered kids he won't stop and it's so bad
I was gonna put it in the tags but it got needlessly long so
Fucked up dad Mori arguments (spoilers everywhere)
(Fifteen) Mori projects himself onto Dazai and subtly teaches him manipulation techniques. He also has a soft smile when Chuuya accepts his vision of leadership and pledges his loyalty to him.
(Storm Bringer) Accompanies Chuuya and sits next to him during the Flags' funeral. Sounded pleased when Chuuya said the PM was his family now. Chuuya's actual dad was also said to be a military doctor, which when combined with his mom and Kouyou also being very similar, should definitely be an intentional parallel.
(Dark Era) Mori wanted to teach Dazai another lesson in leadership on "necessary sacrifices" and "personal attachments vs decision making", it dramatically backfired, he is still disappointed to this day.
(Yosano backstory) Was protective of this little girl surrounded by army men, yet prioritized his grand plan to win the war over her emotional well-being.
[ ^ hey look how similar the last two points are (Mori doesn't learn shit) ]
(BEAST) When removed from the mafia, took over a shitty orphanage and made it good + offered emotional support to a lost teenager by LITERALLY offering to be his dad (+expressed his past will to save another lost teenager)
(also BEAST) Elise could be an adult, and yet she's always a child. That man is trying to fill in a hole in his life and when he got the orphanage he didn't need to do so anymore.
(Guild arc) Under the disguise of the local physician, he redirected Atsushi and taugh him one of his little lessons basically unprompted and Atsushi's impression of him as a mentor was very positive.
ANYWAY Mori has issues because he stuck himself between wanting to mentor the younger generation to help them grow into their potential and throwing everyone's emotions and desires (including his own) out the window in favour of the """optimal solution"""
#fucked up dad mori agenda#with my ramblings under a read more because they got needlessly long in the tags lol#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd mori#bsd mori ougai#bsd fanart#nawy's doodles#ask answered#bsd chuuya#bsd q#bsd dazai#bsd yosano#bsd elise
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'allo! may i have a bit of Friend Like Me? ;)
Absolutely! I have posted some of this before, but once again Tumblr's search function is failing me and apparently I can't organize my own tags for shit so...
This is Matthew + Hob used to be partners in crime (literally) and Hob may or may not have started the crew from Leverage. 😂
100% G-rated fluff over here.
Hob has to do this every few decades otherwise he would be up to his eyeballs in storage units. It isn't fun, but neither is having too many moving parts to keep track of and potentially getting caught by another asshat with a hard-on for immortality.
What was that quote he had read? "No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style."
Not to mention the myriad other enemies he had accumulated via his network of grifters, hitters, and hackers.
(What? The current state of technological advancements meant that Hob needed to get better at tracking and erasing his digital presence back in the late nineties. Was it his fault that while he was living in the States he had accidentally amassed a highly skilled group of "criminals" who were all connected to him like spokes to the hub on a carriage wheel? And that it turned out that they were, as a team, really great at liberating funds and removing items from billionaire idiots who didn't need a fraction of their accumulated wealth and power? That they did it so well that Hob had to fake his own death earlier than expected to get out from under a particularly angry arms dealer? Was that really all because of him?)
(Yes. Yes it was.)
Yeah, anyway, Hob didn't leave the house without at least one blade on his person anymore.
This is why, when Hob is interrupted by a large black mass swerving into his storage unit through the crack in the door that should be far too small to admit such a creature, he pulls the nearest throwing knife (he was crouching, so he went for the one concealed in a sheath on the outside ankle of his black leather chelseas), clocks the intruder's movement in his peripheral vision, and wings it directly at them. It hits the wall with a satisfying kthud, which is promptly followed by a very avian squawking.
"FUCKING CAWCHRIST MY DUDE WAS THAT A KNIFE!?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, THE IDES OF FUCKING MARCH?!"
That voice! Hob's head snaps up to see a sizable black bird falling in a tumble. It hits the concrete floor with a sound not unlike a briefcase hitting pavement from a story up (what? It is a very distinctive sound), leaving three large feathers tacked into the wall by the knife.
"Fuck me sideways that HURTS. Note to self, birds no likey losing butt feathers." The bird (A raven? Like this is the bloody Tower of London?) walks out from around a cardboard box with a bit of a waddle in its step, trying to look back at his tail while he moves. "I guess the Boss didn't tell you I was coming then?"
Hob sits back on his heels. That voice is still hauntingly familiar. But he would damned well remember meeting a talking bird. "Well, perhaps if you told me who your Boss is..."
The raven leaps a solid four feet into the air with a screech. He lands on top of a small writing desk, scrabbles against the smooth surface to balance himself, and then looks down at Hob with one glass-black eye. "I can't believe... no fucking way... Robbie? Is that you? Didn't you die in 2017?"
"Mattie?!" Hob's ass hits the cool floor as he is blown back by the revelation. "Didn't you die in 2020?"
Matthew Cable had been one of Hob's favorite grifters. Not because he was absolutely perfect at his job (oh no, Mattie had fucked up spectacularly more times then Hob’s blood pressure wants to recall), but because they had quickly become "let's get absolutely toasted and MST3K bad horror movies while we bitch about our love lives" buddies. Hob had missed Mattie immediately upon his own faked death and had mourned when he heard, through various channels he still kept an ear to, that Mattie had died in his sleep not too long ago.
"Yeah, but when I died I was given, like, a choice? Apparently the King of Dreams needed a new Raven and I decided to give it a go. Sounded much more interesting to work for him than actual death. There must be some mistake because I was sent here with a message for Hhh..." Mattie freezes.
"Dream sent you?" Hob tilts his head in interest. This was the Matthew he had often mentioned? A raven that carried his messages? Hob had been jealous over a bird?! (Oh Christ, how embarrassing.)
"Wait... what the fuck are you doing in Hob GaaaaAAHHHH!" Mattie the Raven starts hopping around frantically. "YOU ARE NOT JUST IN HOB GADLING'S STORAGE UNIT. YOU ARE HOB GADLING! FRIEND OF THE LORD MORPHEUS, KING OF DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES!"
Hob can't help his laughter. "Oh, he told you I was his friend, did he?" That Dream had called him friend to someone else shouldn't feel as good as it did. Hob tamps that useless bit of emotion down hard. (No good can come of that, better to put it away.) "Only took him six centuries to get there, stubborn wanker that he is." He fails to keep the fondness from his voice.
"Christ you have no idea how much of a wanker sometimes..." Mattie shuffles his feathers. "Look, I gotta know the story here, man. How did you meet the King of Dreams?"
Hob stands, brushing off his jeans. "That... is a rather long story." He considers for a minute, barely that, rubbing at the back of his neck, before coming to a decision. "Look, it isn't like I get my close friends back from the dead every day... how about we head back to my flat, pull up something ridiculous like Slenderman, and I will fill you in on my story? Like old times?"
Mattie flaps over and lands on Hob's shoulder. "Hells to the yes. Especially if we can find out if ravens respond to THC. Shit, you ever get more of that Amnesia shit the team picked up in Amsterdam during that art heist job?"
Hob's belly laugh echoes in the small room. "I think I still have some squirreled away from my last trip to the continent."
He locks the storage unit behind them. All the spring cleaning can happen another day.
___________________________________
They did not, upon making it back to Hob’s flat above The New Inn, actually end up watching their intended horror movie. Instead, as they were flipping through options, they stumbled upon the live-action remake of Aladdin and Mattie had been so damned adamant that he wanted to see it while high that Hob had allowed the deviation from their established pattern.
“That bird is a fucking useless sidekick. I will show you how to do it!” Matthew stands, wobbles, and falls off where he had been balanced on the arm of Hob’s couch.
Hob cackles, slouching back into the cushions. “Well, that’s your answer to the question about birds and THC, innit?”
Matthew flapped his way up onto the space next to Hob. “Hey, I am still getting used to this stupid body without any fucking thumbs.”
“Fair enough.” He shrugs, sinking even further back and letting the movie drift into the background, a gentle blanket of familiar songs. “So I can feel you trying to not ask questions. Ask away, Mattie. I owe you that much, at least.”
“Fucking right you do, faking your death like that caw.” The raven shakes his head. “Where even to start… Oh! I got it! When and how did you meet the King of Dreams and Nightmares? That must have been a trip and a half.”
The memory makes Hob even warmer and he feels himself grinning as he looks at the ceiling. “I was drinking with my pals at a tavern, the White Horse, in the year of our lord thirteen hundred and eighty nine…”
“Wait. The fuck? You are…” Mattie clearly stops to count for a blink, “almost seven hundred years old?”
“That I am, now let me finish… I rather loudly proclaimed that I had decided not to die. Just wasn’t going to fucking do it. And that was when he approached the table,” Hob closes his eyes, the swooping feeling of seeing Dream for the first time still razor sharp in his memory. Should he tell Mattie? Well, he had never been dishonest with the man before, no reason to start now. So Hob let all his emotional walls down. “And I swear to God, Mattie, it was like seeing a meteor shower for the first time. It was like discovering a second moon. I was absolutely dumbstruck by the beauty of this cocky young Lordling, all standing before me like he owned half the country. Looked it too, with that giant fucking ruby around his neck and his fine clothing.” Hob shakes his head, grin widening. “He offered me a deal. If I wanted unending life, then I could come back to that tavern on the same day at the same time one hundred years hence and tell him of my experiences of life so long-lasting. And here I am.” When Mattie doesn't immediately respond, Hob opens his eyes and turns his head. “What?”
The raven was studying him intently. When he spoke it was carefully metered and very much not in jest. “Robbie. I might be a bird now, but I would know that expression on your face anywhere. Do you… Are you…”
He didn’t need to put words to it, Hob knew exactly what his friend meant. He shrugged. “Aye, I probably am. But you have to understand, Mattie, he has been the only constant in my whole long life. Hundreds of relationships. Thousands of friendships. Centuries of life. And he was my only anchor.” Hob lets himself drift on that thought for a moment before coming back. “Did you know that I didn’t know his name until a few months ago when he showed up at the New Inn?”
“What?! What kind of asshole doesn’t give his – oh, wait, this is Dream I am talking about, isn’t it…”
Hob laughs. “You are very correct. Dream’s stubbornness is only surpassed by his beauty.”
“Wow. You’ve got it bad.”
“Most likely.” Hob inclines his head. “But I am happy with whatever type of relationship he is capable of with me."
The raven whistles. "Got it baaaad."
____________________________
And so it happens that Hob and Mattie are stonedly bickering over if Will Smith’s portrayal of the Genie was a good homage or a bad mockery (all while A Whole New World starts up in the background) when the King of Dreams and Nightmares steps out of nothingness and into Hob’s living room.
“Matthew! You were told to deliver a message, not spend an entire day-”
Hob cuts Dream off with an overdramatic, “OoooOOOOoooh, Mattie, you are in trooooouble.” Dream’s stern face snaps to Hob’s and he slaps a hand over his mouth while he giggles none-too-loudly, “OooooOOOh, now I am in trooooouble.”
That makes Mattie burst into giggles and let it be known that the giggle of a raven is not actually a pleasant sound to take in.
So it makes Hob laugh harder.
Then he sees Dream’s absolutely bewildered expression.
And that makes Hob laugh even harder.
Sobbing as he laughs, collapsed to the floor (having initially fallen clear off the couch in surprise at Dream’s entrance), clutching his belly, Hob can’t even bring himself to worry that Dream might actually be angry with him. Fuck, Hob just got Mattie back. This is fucking great.
Hob wipes at his face as his hysterics subside, trying to keep his voice steady as he addresses Dream from his place on the floor. “I’m sorry, m’love, I didn’t mean to patronize you, I just-” He cuts himself off when he sees, for the first time, a petal-pink blush color his Stranger’s cheeks.
“You called him your love!” Mattie cackles. Hob feels himself blush now, too. That was a slip. That shouldn’t have happened. (Ah, bollocks.) “You are so in for it now. The Boss hates pet names! Once I tried to call him Lord Mew-mew because he was acting like a wet fucking cat and-”
“Enough.” Dream waves his hand to his Raven and the bird is immediately silenced. “Matthew, leave us. I am not asking.”
“Aww, maannn.” Mattie shakes himself off and seems to become shockingly sober with just a ruffle of feathers. “Roger that, Boss. See you back at home.” Then he nods to Hob. “We should do this again sometime.”
Before Hob can respond Mattie has taken wing and flown out a window that definitely was not open a moment ago. When he looks back up it is to have Dream’s hand in front of his face, gently offering to help him stand. Hob takes it, if only for the excuse to touch his Stranger’s skin for the first time. (His touch is cool, his fingers long and uncalloused, his skin smooth. Hob memorizes every sensation greedily.)
Dream seems to realize this once Hob is on his feet because the blush deepens slightly and he retracts his hand with a jerky motion.
“I am sorry if I offended you, Dream.” Hob takes a step to the side and tries to catch his friend’s eye. Dream keeps purposefully looking away. “It is just a silly human endearment. I am rather high on some excellent weed and I didn’t mean-”
“Ah.” Dream interrupts and Hob’s jaw clicks shut. Dream is still not looking at him and so Hob can see the way the muscles in his jaw flex with tension. “Just a silly endearment. You did not mean it.”
Something fiery swoops inside Hob. Dream has never acted like this. Never avoided Hob’s eyes. Never interrupted him. And all because Hob had accidentally called him love.
See, thing is, Hob does mean it. More than he has words for. But never did he think… Dream couldn’t possibly. Fuck. Hob is too high to think clearly about this.
Hob steps into Dream’s line of sight, forces the slightly taller anthropomorphic personification to meet his eyes. Why it comes out a whisper when Hob speaks he will never know. “Dream. Do you want me to mean it? Do you want me to call you,” he hesitates for a moment because this could ruin everything. (But look at him! Look at the hurt in his expression, the tension in his shoulders. He does not hide it well, now that Hob knows what to look for - thanks, Sophie.) “my love?”
It is answer enough to see Dream’s pupils dilate and his nostrils flare. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
He is shaking when he goes to take Dream’s hand, brings it up to press a kiss to those beautiful fingers. “If I am reading this wrong then please please let’s just chalk it up to the THC and pretend this never happened. But…” Hob takes the last step in and now they are almost chest-to-chest, “I thought you would have figured it out after 1689… you are my guiding star. It is you who I wait decades for. You who I hope to impress with my experiences. You who I have yearned to touch with every fiber of my being for literal centuries.” Dream is blinking wide eyes at him now, confusion and surprise and hope all written there. “And if your friendship is all I can have, then so be it. But, Dream. If I had three wishes I would spend them all just to be able to call you love.”
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FIC REC WEEK 6 - SMUT
He Knows More Than You Do by ChibiSquirt
Pairing: Steve/Tony
Rating: E
Words: 35,580
Tags: Medical Kink, Dom/Sub Undertones, Porn With Feelings
Summary: “It’s the science,” Tony blurted, and that definitely only made it worse. He spat it all out at once, trying to get it over with: “It’s the science, okay? Steve has all these enhancements, he’s not normal, and everybody knew— it is in literally every scientist’s notes! — that there was some change to sexual functioning, but nobody knew what, and I’ve thought about it, okay? That’s it! That’s the only reason! Nothing more!” He spread his hands defensively and then, only then, dared a look at Steve.
Steve looked... thoughtful? Or maybe constipated, or bored, or just drunk. Whatever it was, it wasn’t punching Tony in the face, so Tony decided to take it and run.
“Look, it’s pretty much got to be the stamina or the recovery rate,” he blurted, because apparently he had no control over his mouth.“The only question is, which. But it’s just for science, okay?”(Spoiler alert: It was not just for science.)
Reasons why I love it:
The smut in this is so fucking amazing. ChibiSquirt hits so many different kinks and some really creative ways to exploit Steve's practically non-existent refractory period. And a Steve that has a hairpin-trigger is always a delight, especially when he's as well-written as this one is. Not to mention the emotions that come rushing in towards the end, god, it's so good. This fic is wonderful from start to finish, so I highly recommend you read it!
Operation Spank Bank by fohatic
Pairing: Steve/Tony
Rating: E
Words: 19,171
Tags: Voyeurism, Escalating Situationship, Uniform Kink
Summary: Tony really shouldn't be hacking into classified SHIELD files behind Steve's back. Steve is a SHIELD agent, now—as well as Tony's captain—and this sort of thing reflects badly on him. So why is there a locked file titled "Operation Spank Bank" on Tony's private OS? And why hasn't Steve been briefed about any such operation?
The file is password protected, but Steve has an eidetic memory and has seen Tony enter it, before -- it would serve Tony right if Steve were to 'hack the hacker' and learn for himself what "Operation Spank Bank" is all about...
Reasons why I love it:
Give me all the sexually confident, openly teasing, little shit Steve Rogers! I love the transition from him being oblivious to what a spank bank even is to actively encouraging Tony's voyeuristic tendencies. And the shameless objectification of Steve is fucking amazing. I love this fic to pieces, and I bet you will too, so go and read it!
How to Fall In Love (in Four Easy Steps) by morphia
Pairing: Steve/Tony, minor Tony/Pepper
Rating: E
Words: 24,782
Tags: Casual Sex Partners, First Times, Happy Ending
Summary: Tony and Pepper's relationship is open, with only one clear rule: they must never let the other catch them with a fling.
Soon after the events of The Avengers, Tony finally uses his license to sleep with others--with Steve.
And Steve knows that their sexual encounters are intended to be strictly casual, but that doesn't stop him from falling hopelessly, stupidly in love.
Or: What if they were actually banging behind the scenes?
Reasons why I love it:
Are you looking for angst with a happy ending and a healthy dose of scorching hot smut? Then this is the fic for you. Steve's inner monologue is fantastic throughout the whole fic, and I love that we get to see canon play out in a subtly but significantly different way. Plus, the angsty parts are so packed with feels that they really hit home, no matter how many times I read this fic. Go and check it out, you won't regret it!
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NSFW Alphabet (Frank Castle x Female Reader)
MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST
A/N: Requested! I love these. Pls send more character requests of these lmfao.
(Warnings: It's literally all NSFW lol, there's a daddy kink mentioned, frank spitting in your mouth???, size kink, public sex, remote-controlled vibrator, etc.)
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
When I tell you Frank Castle is the king of aftercare like don’t even get me STARTED!!!!!!
okay but lets get started
Frank loves taking care of you after absolutely ruining you.
After he makes you cum so hard you think you might cry, he’ll rub soothing circles into your skin, nuzzling his nose into your neck and bringing you down from your high.
He knows your love language is touch, so he’ll hold your hand and kiss your palm until you can function again.
He’ll run a warm washcloth over your sensitive areas and tuck you into his side, wrapping his protective arms around you.
He’s your safe place, but you’re his safe place, too.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Frank’s favorite part of your body is your thighs.
Anytime you wear something a little short, his brain all but short circuits.
He loves to bite and suck on them as foreplay.
When you’re near him, even if it’s in public or completely inappropriate, his hands always end up touching your thighs.
He’d gladly suffocate between them if you’d let him.
His favorite part of himself are his hands.
Wrapping them around your throat is his favorite pastime, but really anytime he gets to touch you, he’s happy.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
Frank loves watching his cum drip from your cunt after he fucks you into oblivion.
He’ll swipe his finger on your sensitive pussy, gathering the cum and shoving it back inside of you.
Sometimes when you’re planning on being out and about, he’ll cum in you as a little reminder that pools in your panties throughout the day.
The idea of you walking around with his cum seeping out of you is enough to get him hard enough to fuck you again.
You’re late to a lot of things because of this lmfao.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Something that you learned pretty early on with Frank is that he’s obsessed with your underwear.
When you go out to dinner, he’ll shoot you a look that has you hustling to the bathroom to remove your panties. He tucks them in his pocket and refuses to give them back until its laundry day.
This happens whether it’s just you and him or if you’re out with a group. He doesn’t care lmfao.
One time, you came home from work earlier than usual and caught him fucking into his hand, which held your panties from the night before.
When he noticed your arrival, he didn’t stop thrusting into his hand. He just watched you watch him. You removed the panties you were wearing and handed them to him. He brought them to his face and inhaled deeply.
You’re embarrassed to admit how incredibly turned on you were when he came into his hand, all over your favorite pair of blush pink underwear.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Frank Castle is a sex god and I feel like that goes without saying.
He’s a generous lover, offering you three, four, sometimes five orgasms before letting himself be pleasured in return.
Frank is exceptional at reading your body language. If he switches what he’s doing with his tongue and notices a change in your demeanor, he’ll immediately go back to what he was doing before.
He may have had sex with a lot of people, but he makes you feel like the only person in the world when he fucks you.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Frank’s a traditional guy – he likes looking at you when he’s fucking you, but his absolute favorite position is doggy style.
He goes absolutely crazy in this position; biting your shoulders, choking you, holding both of your arms behind you and holding you up as he pounds into you.
This position gives him the deepest access and boy does he love it when he can feel your pussy fluttering around his entire cock.
When he’s feeling less rough, he’ll hold you against him, pressing sloppy kisses down your spine and whispering dirty things in your ear.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
It’s hard to imagine Frank as anything but serious in any aspect of his life, but especially during sex.
Even though sex is something he’s had plenty of, he takes it seriously when you open yourself up to him.
He’s a man on a mission, and that mission is to make you cum as many times as possible.
The only time Frank is able to completely let his guard down is when he’s buried deep inside of you, so there’s never a time where goofiness fits the energy in the room.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Frank doesn’t pay too close attention to this, but he likes to keep it neat and maintained for you.
Just a simple trim, nothing too drastic, maybe once a week.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Listen, Frank is a sex god, we’ve already covered that, but when he’s making love to someone he loves, it’s a whole different ballgame.
After Maria’s death, Frank closed himself off to genuine romantic connections for a while, but when he met you, he couldn’t push it down anymore.
You accept his vulnerability with grace, and his heart aches when you remind him of how much you love him when he’s buried deep inside of you.
The genuine love he feels when he makes love to you was scary at first, but the warmth in your gaze and the soft caress of your hands calmed him down.
Now, when he’s feeling sentimental, he fucks every ounce of love he can muster into you, whispering how much you mean to him in your ear.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Usually, Frank doesn’t need to masturbate unless you’re out of town or something. Basically, he has the willpower to hold off until you come home from work, but if you’re traveling or separated from him for longer than 12 hours, the mere thought of you has him hard and aching in his pants.
He’s a dude, though, so like tbh he could masturbate to the thought of you at any hour of the day if he really felt like it.
If you send him dirty texts or pictures while he’s out patrolling Hell’s Kitchen, he has to physically stop himself from stroking himself off on some random rooftop.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Do I really need to say it? Okay, fine.
FRANK CASTLE HAS A DADDY KINK
Also? Definitely a size kink. Frank’s a massive dude, and the idea of your body writhing underneath him sends him over the edge more often than he’d care to admit.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Frank will take you literally anywhere at any time if you ask him to.
Typically, the bedroom is where you end the night, but where you start is always a surprise.
Bending you over every single thing in the apartment has become his new goal, but his favorites are the couch and the kitchen table.
Something about fucking you on the table that you both eat dinner sends his hormones into overdrive.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Frank is not a picky dude, so pretty much everything you do turns him on.
One time, he walked into the kitchen as you were bent over, placing the lasagna you had prepared in the oven.
He had lunged forward (after you had shut the oven door and it was safe obviously lol), ripping your shorts and underwear off and plunging into you.
It literally doesn’t matter what you’re doing.
Sometimes when he rolls over in bed after you’ve left for work and inhales the scent of your bodywash on the sheets, he gets so hard he ends up rutting into the mattress for some relief.
He can’t help it. You’re hot, and he loves fucking you.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Frank has spent the last decade of his life surrounded by violence, and you were the much-needed reprieve from that, so anything that has to do with hitting you is a no-go for him.
He’ll spank you on your ass, but that’s about it. He will literally never lay a finger on your face unless it’s out of love.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Say it with me: Frank Castle eats pussy like a man starved.
If he could keep his head between your legs forever, he would do it in a heartbeat.
He’ll literally beg you to ride his face sometimes.
If you try to say you’re too heavy, he will physically pick you up and drop you on his face. If he suffocates, he’ll die a happy man.
He likes getting head from you but prefers to be a giver in the bedroom.
He’s not stupid though – when you’re feeling dominate, he gives up the control easily.
He just thinks you look so pretty with your lips around his cock.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
This really depends on the mood, but typically Frank likes it slow and sensual.
Don’t get me wrong, Frank is absolutely a fast and hard kind of guy, but with someone he loves, he likes to make it last as long as possible.
Sometimes, he’ll hold himself still inside of you and get you off again, just to make the moment last just a little bit longer.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Frank likes quickies but prefers to take the time to ravish you wholly.
Like I mentioned before, it doesn’t take a lot to get him going when it comes to you, so quickies aren’t rare.
He likes quickies out in public, at a party or in the bathroom of a bar if he’s feeling desperate.
The fact that you’ve already removed your panties for him makes it all the more lustful.
At Billy’s annual New Year’s Eve party, it’s common for you and Frank to go missing for 10 minutes at a time.
All in all, Frank’s game for quickies, but likes it when he gets the time to fully satisfy your needs.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
Frank’s middle name is risk.
He’s open to trying anything at least once, but usually it’s him that does all the risk taking in your relationship.
For instance, when you’re out to dinner with a group and sitting next to each other, he makes it a game to see how close he can bring you to the edge before backing off.
He’ll run his fingers up your thighs, hidden from sight, and start circling your clit while in the middle of a conversation about something completely random with someone else.
When he feels you clench like you’re about to cum, he’ll readjust his position, removing his fingers from your body completely.
You usually end up so aroused and horny by the end of the night that you can’t even bear the drive home before your clothes are off and Frank is pounding into you in the driver’s seat of his car.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
You guys already know this man is a god damned sex fiend.
If he wills it, he can last for hours.
Sometimes, even after four rounds and an insane number of orgasms, Frank will wake up in the middle of the night, ready to go again.
There have been nights where you swear you were fucking more than you were sleeping.
You have no idea where he gets the energy from, but he insists that you make him insatiable.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Frank’s not really a toy guy, but he’s not opposed to using them on you.
His favorite toy is (ofc) the remote-controlled vibrator he bought you to wear when you went out in public with him.
There have been too many nights where Frank would overstimulate you in public, forcing you to stumble to the bathroom where you’d end up squirting all over the place.
It’s not something that’s required for both of you to enjoy sex, but it definitely helps.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Frank may be hardened on the outside, but he’s a big ‘ole softie for you.
He tries to tease you, but the second the word ‘daddy’ is out of your mouth, he gives you anything you could possibly want.
He does, however, like watching you writhe with overstimulation as he eats you out.
You’ll beg him to fuck you, claiming you don’t have another orgasm in you, but he’ll tell you to be good and cum on his tongue again. You always do.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Frank is a quiet lover.
He’ll let out soft grunts or groans in your ear, sending a wave of goosebumps over your skin.
He likes to whisper dirty things in your ear, telling you how good you’re being and how he loves the feeling of your wet pussy around his cock, but it’s never spoken at his regular tone.
You offer Frank a quiet, vulnerable home inside of you, and he’s eternally grateful for that. Most of his life has been one loud crash after another, so he relishes the quieting of his brain when you’re around.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
The first time you asked Frank to spit in your mouth, he came so hard he saw stars for half an hour afterwards.
This quickly became a regular occurrence lol.
There’s something so raw and dirty about it that he can’t even think about it unless he’s planning on getting hard and fucking you into next week.
Sometimes it’s slow and seductive, the anticipation intense enough to make you whine with impatience.
Other times, when he’s in the mood to be rough, it’s a fast and hard spit onto your awaiting tongue.
He can’t decide which he likes better.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Frank is packing. We all know this. I needn't say more.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
I feel like this has been established lol.
This man wants you at all times, on every surface available, in every position he can think of.
His appetite for you is insatiable, and after you give him permission to wake you up with his tongue on your clit, that becomes your regular alarm. He’ll never say no to the opportunity to shove his face between your legs.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Frank’s able to sleep a little better after he meets you, but sex doesn’t usually put him to sleep.
Once you’re all taken care of, wrapped up in the blankets and lying on his chest, he’ll softly run his fingers along your back until you’re in a deep sleep.
This is his favorite thing to do with you, above everything else.
Knowing you’re in his arms, protected from the dangers of the world, is enough to lull him off to sleep, even if it’s only for a little while.
Tag List:
@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @mymamalife @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @mossexe @fightmilk @spikedhe4rt @fictional-hooman @merleisapartygod @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen
#frank castle#frank castle x reader#frank castle x you#frank castle fluff#frank castle smut#frank castle oneshot#frank castle imagine#the punisher#the punisher x reader#the punisher x you#the punisher x y/n#frank castle x y/n#frank castle fanfiction#marvel#marvel fanfiction#marvel imagine#marvel smut#the punisher smut#smut#jon bernthal#frank castle is a sex god#i want yall to know that i listened to the entire Up soundtrack while writing this lmfao#amhrosina
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Permanent Blacklists for AO3
Would you like to permanently remove fics with your squicks, triggers, and dislikes from all AO3 searches by default so that you never have to think about or encounter them again? Well now you can!
The ability to do this has actually been around for a little while but it relies on some new CSS functionality that wasn't supported on all major browsers until fairly recently (though you may still have to enable it manually on some). I'm not going to explain how this method works or how to code AO3 skins in general, as I've only dabbled in it a little and there are already some very good tutorials out there. If you want all of the details, check out these guides:
Skins and Archive Interface FAQ – The official skins guide created by AO3. Lots of good information but might be overwhelming and confusing for a beginner.
A Non-Extensive Guide on How to Start Creating a Skin for AO3 by ao3skin – Some good, fairly easy to understand, beginner info on CSS and specifically how it applies to AO3 skins.
Permablocking Specific Tags - Site Skin by Eli0t – Everything you need to know to create permablock lists. If your blacklist doesn't seem to be working as expected, check this for troubleshooting tips.
What I can offer though are some handy pre-made blacklists that you can use as-is or as a starting point to create your own so that you don't have to go to the trouble of figuring out how any of this works or hunting down relevant tags. Just copy the code, open AO3, go to My Preferences > Skins > Create Site Skin, paste it in the box, title it, and click Submit!
Note: The following lists are very specific to me and my own personal tastes. Absolutely no judgement if you love any of the things that I choose to blacklist. You do you. I just happen to like my fics fucked up and relatively canonical.
★ No Reader Fic – Hides all self-insert and reader fic.
★ No Alternate Universes – Hides anything tagged with the most common AU tags. There are so many incredibly specific AUs there's no way to list all of them and AU tagging is also extremely inconsistent from fic to fic so this blacklist may only catch 80% of AUs, but that's better than nothing. You could always exclude the entire alternate universe tag, rather than trying to list specific ones, but unfortunately canon divergence and other less extreme AUs would get caught in the crossfire, which is not worth it for me.
★ No Fluff – Hides anything tagged with the most common fluff and romance tags. I specifically left out "fluff and angst" though because sometimes that's used for things that are mostly angst with only a bit of fluff and I do love angst.
★ Bonus: No Dead Dove – This list is not mine (for obvious reasons) but I know some people may find it useful. Hides anything with the main archive warnings and many common problematic, taboo, or controversial tags. Some of these I wouldn't even classify as dead dove, they're literally just kinks, so I'd suggest reviewing the list carefully and removing any that don't apply to you.
Additional Notes:
This system doesn't work exactly the same as AO3's exclusion filters because you can't use top-level wrangled tags to block all subtags. It only blocks exact matches.
Once the blacklist is implemented you'll see no indication that anything was blocked (except for fewer fics listed on each search page); the entire blurb will be hidden. The tags and fic counts listed in the filter bar will remain unchanged. If you want more advanced features like whitelisting or adding something to indicate when a fic was removed, check out the permablocking guide by Eli0t.
Here's a link with info on which browsers currently support the new "has()" element, which this blacklist system relies on. As of right now Firefox for desktop still has to be manually enabled (for instructions see the section on flag enabling in the permablocking guide). Firefox for iOS isn't listed on this website but it seems to work fine for me.
There are other browser-specific extensions that let you permablock tags, such as this one and this one, that may be more a little more user friendly, but I've never tried them so I can't vouch for them and they may not work consistently between different devices. The good thing about doing blacklists via skins is that, after setting it up once, it should work automatically on pretty much any device (as long as you're logged in to your AO3 account).
#I'm so stoked about this feature#it's a GAME CHANGER#I put a lot of effort into creating my blacklists#I couldn't not share them and hopefully make someone's life easier now that I've already done all the work#assuming anyone shares my preferences#ao3#ao3 skins#ao3 help#tutorial#wendy's help desk
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Mammoney Greed Rant:
The brothers most definitely are the most critical of their sins since their sins make it so difficult for them. They can’t help the way they are because it’s something they can’t stop, it’s like an addiction with no chance of recovery.
I was really thinking about this because of how Mammon’s greed functions. Though Mammon is as greedy as possible, rather than hoarding money, Mammon spends and collects instead.
Mammon obviously sees the value in money but he sees more value in the items themselves. He rightfully despises work that he has to do because most of isn’t even worth the labor he’s putting forth, but when it revolves around the people close to him, he works until he drops. Something really tells me even tho it seems as though Mammon has no self-control, he has the most even when it comes to his sin.
It’s just that in our world and in the Obey Me world, spending money and greed are advertised and encouraged. Because of Mammon’s close relationship with cash in his pocket, he sees the corruption so close and personal that I imagine most of his emotional struggles stem from the fact that he’s tied to one of the most powerful and terrible things in existence. Money.
The rest of the brothers sins are a lot less tangible and aren’t really enabled. Pride? Normal, ego sucks but it’s impossible to avoid. Envy? Jealously is a normal human emotion just like pride. Wrath? Emotions are powerful and without wrath, much of the most impactful and even positive movements in history wouldn’t have happened! Lust? Not always sexual but even so sexuality is innate and impossible to avoid too. Gluttony? Overconsumption happens everywhere… Sloth? Bro, it’s literally “laziness.” We all get tired.
But greed? Humans love to hoard and love to have personal property and we all are a little greedy esp with how we see value in things even without a price tag. But that’s the thing! It’s the price tag!
Without a system that encourages and practically praises monetary greed, Mammon would probably have his shit so together that Lucifer would look like a train wreck.
Anyways, Mammon likely knows this better than anyone else. And I bet it makes him fucking sick. I wonder if he looks at the atrocities caused by greed especially in the human world and thinks what if I do that?
It makes me feel awful thinking about it because Mammon could be so so so so so so so so so much worse.
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fic rec friday 40
hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
The Heart of the Scorpion by crystalklances
Lance has a big old crush on the school's Soccer Captain, Keith. He tries to deny having a crush even while their every interaction sends his heart aflutter. Romantic horoscopes and secret love letters? Totally not related to Keith.
Luckily, heart and stars align to prove him wrong.
i will fucking miss crystalklances every single day of my life he was a PILLAR. i wish he had kept his account and just abaondoned it but im grateful at least that he only orphaned his fics and didnt delete it. he had so much to write about the college scene and soft klance and them being tender and soft and open about it!! he also often gave keith parents and he almost ALWAYS wrote trans lance like he invented the tag!! crystalklances i miss you and this was one of my favourite fics of yours
2. It's Not Spying If You Don't Call It Spying by @jilliancares
Turns out everyone is spying on Lance and Keith's blossoming relationship.
this is truly so goofy and silly and the team is SO so nosy and they need to be involved in 110% of klance's shit. as they deserve tbh. theyre all so annoying and i support all of their crimes
3. i wanna love you (but i don't know if i can) by @rickybowens
So, of course, that was when Hunk had said, "You know, it's really good that we're all friends here. I feel like it always gets awkward when two people in a group start dating, you know?"
"Well, I don't think we have to worry about that with this group," Pidge had piped up, "I love you all, but there's no way in hell I'd date any of you."
Everyone else had murmured their agreement, except for Lance and Keith, who had shared a look before trying to discreetly scoot away from the other.
(Or, Lance and Keith decide to date in secret so their relationship doesn't make their teammates uncomfortable. It goes about as well as is to be expected.)
secret relationship you will ALWAYS be famous. its literally my favourite trope idc!! and this arc made SO much sense in terms of a reason for them to be dating in secret!! i loved how the team was the problem but that was very much not their intention but it made sense why klance was afraid and just...this whole fic was cinema truly i love it so so much
4. Of Pidge, Perception, and Prosecution by @erinnovelist
Of all the paladins, Lance knew Pidge was the one he had to watch out for.
The only time her guard was down was after she woke up. She didn’t talk, glasses discarded after long hours staring at a screen, and she couldn’t function properly without her daily cup of coffee-equivalent alien juice.
Which was why, when he wandered into the kitchen that morning, Lance hadn’t expected Pidge to zero in on him and ask, “When did you and Keith start fucking?”
teehee this one made me giggle its so ridiculous. and yes i did scroll thru the secret relationship tag again idc its so good!! i love the idea of klance thinking theyre so so sneaky and the whole time pidge is like yeah bitch ive been knew yall aint subtle in the slightest
5. Shifting Rock by @ohcontrary
Shiro is back with the team and things are... difficult, but getting easier. But even as he feels more and more like himself, he notices how his relationships have change. It's possible his relationship with Lance is changed irreparably. Luckily, the mission they go on gives them a chance to talk. But on a trip so perilous, they'll need to pay attention-- It isn't just their relationship that's on shaky ground.
lance and shiro NEEDED to talk fr. if ur gonna pretend the later seasons happened then they needed to CHAT. and what better place to chat then mortal peril and the threat of being crushed to death!! holy metaphors!!
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
#look! a rare frf w variety!!!#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#keith#keith kogane#klance#secret relationship#established klance#shiro & lance#team as family#modern au#college au#fic rec#fic rec friday#longpost
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could i have some stu x fem!reader going camping hcs? like it’s him, reader, the rest of the group just going camping and having a good time :))
𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!! :>
pairing: implied stu macher x fem!reader
a/n: I LITERALLY LOVE YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS OHFOHDEGKIGTPJUPKHOJDTGQRHOYYU
i cannot express how much i fucking think about this group. there will be plenty of the ‘gang’ content coming soon!! picturing them doing the stupidest shit together is just, AH.
anyways anon, thank you for your request that made me so ridiculously happy lol (ENJOY!!)
UPDATE: YO. THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND ITS SLIGHTLY UNFINISHED BUT I’LL JUST GIVE IT TO Y’ALL ANYWAY
warnings: harsh language, randy thinking he’s literally gordon ramsey
• Boy oh boy, summertime had finally came around once again. Giving you all a pretty good idea of what was coming soon..
CAMPING!
• Okay, okay.. this hadn’t originally been apart any of your guys’ plans, but all of your parents were stubborn and wanted you to spend more time together.
• And apparently camping was just the right way to do so? Whatever. It’s not like any of you were ever going to win if you tried to protest on going each year. You lot VS a ton of parents? Fuck. It would never work.
• The agreed arrangement had been Stu, Billy, Randy, Sidney, Tatum and yourself to all go camping for atleast one week during summer break.
• Of course Billy was always the one trying to creep his way out of this shitty plan. It had been going on for so many years that the rest of y’all stopped trying at this point. But Billy? Oh, he was pretty damn adamant on faking whatever dumbass illness he could think of.
• You all made bets on who he would call that year, trying to convince that person on how very ‘poorly’ he was doing.
“I can’t go. I have a cold.”
“It’s July..”
“I HAVE A COLD.”
• His dad ended up dragging him out of the house and right into the van Stu’s parents bought him specifically for this occasion.
• After checking you guys had everything packed and ready to go, you were off into the hills!
• It was an interesting road trip to say the least, hours of Randy complaining he had to take a piss, plus Billy whining about how he didn’t wanna be here.. yeah.. an ideal three hours, huh? Jesus.
• The minute you guys arrive, Randy instantly runs over to a tree a little further away from you guys and pulls down his pants, urinating onto the land.
• Tatum always tends to start an argument and tells him how fucking disgusting he is, but he insists that she shuts her mouth and waits until it’s HER turn to be forced to have her bodily functions take over.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s all fun and games until you have to take a dump in the bushes!!”
“AS IF!” Tatum squealed.
“Cut the bullshit, Alicia. You know it’s gonna happen sooner or later.” Billy chimed in.
• You insist on everyone taking a little walk through the woods, just to get familiar with the area once again.
• The rest of the gang agree and head on out with you, embracing the peaceful surrounding.
• You, Billy and Stu slowly walk side by side as the other three are already way ahead of you, arguing over the dumbest shit once again.
• Randy and Tatum always argued non fucking stop everytime you all went camping. Sidney would just awkwardly tag along, trying to change the subject to literally anything else..
• The three ask for permission to go back to camp, seeing as Tatum had made the poor choice of wearing her cute little white boots, though unfortunately they had heels.
• This just meant more peace and quiet for yourself, Billy and Stu. You’d see your other friends later, of course. But a tad bit of extra time with your boyfriend and another one of your closest friends wasn’t going to hurt.
• You guys returned for sun down, as spending all night in the goddamn woods of all places would be rather idiotic of you.
• Each and every one of your stomach’s began to growl, so Stu finally decided to whip out the grill!
• He had packed some hotdogs and burgers, ready to be cooked as soon as possible. Randy also brought along some snacks of course because you know, it’s Randy lmao.
• Another argument breaks out, but this time it’s between both Randy and Stu. Supposedly, Stu was in charge of bringing topping and sauces for the hotdogs. (Of course he had to forget it..)
“Aw, fuck this!” Randy said with a mouthful of food, throwing the remaining piece of his hotdog at a nearby tree.
“NOOOO!” Stu yelped. “What the fuck, man! You ruined a perfectly good hotdog!!”
Randy scoffed. “STU.. MY MOUTH FEELS DRIER THAN A DEAD WOMAN’S VAGINA.. THIS IS SO PLAIN. YOU DIDN’T EVEN BRING PICKLES DUDE..”
…
“Sorry but who the fuck puts pickles on a hotdog?”
“WHERE’S THE FLAVOUR IN THIS PIECE OF SHIT? IT’S BLAND. PAINFULLY BLAND.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, seemed like Randy was having his Gordon Ramsey moment.
• After drunk Randy’s constant complaining and Stu almost losing it over the fact you guys decided you’d make s’mores tomorrow instead of the present night, it didn’t take long until everyone decided to crash for the night. You all had proper tents built up, despite what y’all went through to get them that way..
“No, no, you’re gonna do it wrong. You see, you gotta make sure you’ve put the peg in the right place first.” Billy reminded Stu, trying his hardest to set up their tent. He knew his sleep was going to benefit from this of course, so that was the only reason why he began caring at this point.
“I got it!” Stu smiled, attempting to smack the peg with his mini hammer.
“THAT WAS MY FINGER YOU FU-”
Billy was sure he’d be sweating bullets for days after fully setting up the camp for everyone. He truly didn’t think it would be so hard, but much to his dismay, he was proven wrong.
• Randy and Tatum flat out refused to share a tent together, so they gave Billy the hassle of making two separate tents instead. Whereas Billy and Stu had agreed on sleeping in a tent together, whilst you and Sidney were more than happy to do the exact same thing.
• The tents were rather thin, causing everyone else to hear what was going on inside each tent. Including Randy letting out the odd bit of gas here and there or him sleep talking about ‘Prom Night’ with Jamie Lee Curtis.
• As the sunlight crept its way into everyone’s tents, you all began to stir and awaken. Morning was here. And you were all going to have to get up and start the day.
• Today was rock climbing! Something that had split opinions from the majority of you. Those like yourself, Stu and Tatum found it fun, but others such as Billy, Sidney and Randy weren’t too keen on it.
“You’re all such pussies, man. It’s safe. I don’t know why the three of you complain about it every damn year.” Stu remarked, his attention on your other three friends who really couldn’t be bothered to participate in such an activity right now.
“Please. You only like it because you’re tall and fast enough to catch yourself before you fall.” Billy snorted.
#scream#scream headcanons#headcanons#stu macher x reader#billy loomis#stu macher#sidney prescott#randy meeks#tatum riley#x reader#reader#ghostface#matthew lillard#skeet ulrich#neve campbell#jamie kennedy#rose mcgowan#scream fandom#ghastlyfilters#camping
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Play and scene citations below the cut, for the curious.
"A man is force fed a leek as punishment for making fun of them": Henry V, 5.1. The Welsh captain Fluellen forces Pistol to eat a leek after he has repeatedly mocked the captain for wearing a leek in his hat. The leek is a national emblem of Wales, and the captain is wearing it as a commemoration of Welsh victory over the Saxons on St. David's Day.
"'Bro I am more breathless at the sight of you than my wife on our wedding night'": Coriolanus, 4.5. Upon Coriolanus's defection from his home country of Rome he turns to his previous arch-enemy, the Volscian Aufidius, with an offer to bring down Rome together. Aufidius welcomes him with open arms, and his monologue when Coriolanus first arrives includes the following lines: "Know thou first, / I loved the maid I married; never man / Sighed truer breath; but that I see thee here, / Thou noble thing, more dances my rapt heart / Than when I first my wedded mistress saw / Bestride my threshold."
"Challenging so many people to duels you run out of gloves and have to borrow one": Richard II, 4.1. After Richard II has been functionally deposed by Bolingbroke (later Henry IV), the court is in chaos. The Lord Aumerle was one of the few to remain at Richard II's side until his surrender and ends up having accusations thrown at him and fighting with the other lords. He engages himself in so many duels that he has to ask someone else to borrow a glove to throw down in challenge (throwing down a glove was a traditional way of challenging someone to a duel)
"Exit, pursued by a bear": Winter's Tale, 3.3. Ordered by King Leontes to abandon his wife's daughter in the wilderness for her questionable parentage, a man named Antigonus leaves the baby in the woods on the shores of Bohemia, where he is subsequently chased, killed, and eaten by a bear.
"What if I was a woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman and we flirted": As You Like It, multiple scenes. Forced to flee court by her usurping uncle, Rosalind disguises herself as a man for safety. She then runs into Orlando, a young man with whom she'd made a brief romantic connection back at court. Rosalind-in-disguise-as-a-man offers to help Orlando hone his wooing skills so that he might win Rosalind's hand. In order to do this, she roleplays as herself to let him practice with her.
"Maybe if we disguise ourselves as *checks notes* Russians the ladies will like us": Love's Labours Lost, 5.2. The four men in the romantic pairings at the center of the play put on disguises as Russians ("Muscovites", meaning from the Duchy of Moscow) to entertain and court the ladies in disguise.
"Literally anything that happens in Cymbeline." Cymbeline. What the fuck is going on in that play.
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