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kaulitzhotel · 10 months

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HEY!! I have a request, could you make Tokio Hotel x self-destruct fem!reader? I mean, she knows she's hurting herself but she doesn't care? doesn't sleep (and even if she does, she goes to bed very late and then gets up very late, so she's usually restless, tired and barely alive/ barely in touch with reality), barely eats (and even if she eats little, I drink too much energy drinks and takes tranquilizer pills), probably does sh and takes drugs (cigarettes, alcohol and drugs) and it all makes her look practically zombie but she likes this lifestyle?

Synopsis: You have a zombie lifestyle and could care less about your health. Nothing matters at all. But Tokio Hotel is there to turn that around. (2008)

Content: Angst and fluff.

Notes: I'm not sure what you wanted at the end but I put a good ending. Lowkey emotional. Enjoy though!

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Read my mind and help me...

I sat there on my bed looking out the glass window. The clouds overwhelm the sky. I couldn't think. Everything was a blur and there seemed to be no emotion I could feel. I could only feel the bags underneath my eyes, the sounds of my stomach begging for food, and the migraines I get throughout the day. I continued to watch outside as it was bewildering me.

“Y/N?...” I heard the door open a little. I could see the spiky black hair from the corner of my eye.

“Hello, Bill.” I breathed. My mouth was too tired to let words come out.

“You've been in your room for weeks. Let's go somewhere with the guys.” He sat next to me giving me a squeeze on the top of my hand.

“Do you understand?”

“What?” Bill said confused.

“Don't you see, I can't move? I'm hungry but I just want to starve. I'm getting no sleep, I see no point in life. I see no point in me living.”

Bill stayed quiet and when I turn my head to look at him his mascara was running down his cheeks. “I'm sorry Bill,” I whispered.

“Don't be!” He smiled and wiped it away quickly, “I'm not going to let this happen to you. We love you Y/N.” It was my turn to weekly squeeze his hand back, “I love you guys too but I think it's time.”

“You got a whole life to live. I'm not letting you give up.”

I sighed at his response, “Tomorrow.” “I'll go out tomorrow.” I continued.

Bill gave one last squeeze and left the room. I got up after a few minutes of walking to my dresser. Underneath my clothes was a pack of cigarettes. I walk to the chair that was right by the window. I felt my bones wobble as I walked. I was getting weak by the second. I missed dancing and running on the sand at the beach. Those happy memories fade. I lit the cigarette and lifted it to my mouth. I paused for a second, “What am I doing to myself?” But I smoked the cigarette anyways.

The next day

Again a restless night. I walk to the bathroom and change my clothes into shorts and a tank top. My shorts seemed to ride down a bit. I missed my belly. I stared at the mirror all I saw was me. But was it me?

I went back to the room to put a sweater over my tank top. I opened the curtains and it was bright. The clouds disappeared and the sun was overtaking the city.

I go straight to the kitchen after and get out whiskey with a shot glass. Before I could pour it a voice stopped me, “Don't you think it's too early to drink? It's only 8:30 AM.”

“Nothing is over too early Georg.”

“Just for one day, try?”

I tighten my grip on the whiskey bottle and put it back in the cabinet. I'll drink later. I go to the fridge and get out a rockstar energy drink. Georg came over to side hug me. “Where are the others?”

“They are coming right now. We planned something for you today.” He smiled. “Great,” I said sarcastically.

That's when the boys enter the kitchen. “Good morning!” Bill singed. Tom walked up to me and gave me a big hug lifting me from the ground, “How's my girl?”

“Making it I guess.”

He put me down and his eyes stared at mine, “We brought food.”

“Thanks, but I'm not hungry.” Till my stomach replied by gurgling.

“Lies!” Gustav laughed at my stomach. Everyone laughed and I cracked up a bit myself.

“You laughed,” Bill said making everyone pause. “Well yeah?” Bill just looked down and everyone started setting up my dining room table.

We all sat on the table and I picked on my food. What happens if I throw up? I was scared. My hands started shaking and I was blubbering up.

“What's wrong?” Bill cautioned. That's when I lost it. The tears were streaming down my face and Bill hugged me trying to quiet me down.

“You don't have to eat, we understand,” Georg reassured. I wiped my tears with my sleeves calming down a bit.

“It's okay I'm just freaking myself out right now.”

“How about some chicken noodle soup?” Gustav asked, “I told you guys not to get Mcdonald's.”

Bill gasped as he held his Mcgrittle like a baby. “I'll make you some,” Gustav said. Tom went with him to help. “How do you open this thing?” Tom struggled as he tried to open the can of soup. “Use a can opener dumbass.” Gustav holding it up to his face. I laughed at them. It's been a while since I saw something this funny.

After a few minutes of struggling to cook soup

Gustav came to me with the bowl. I looked at it and thanked him. They all continued eating and I grab a spoonful of chicken, carrots, and broth. I blew on it carefully and swallowed it. I was starving.

“Chew it Y/N.” Georg chuckled. “Sorry, it's just so good,” I said taking another spoonful. They all seemed to enjoy watching me eat my food for once. My brain was functioning to not finish it all but I forced myself to eat it all. I am going it for the guys, and I guess me too.

“Let's get on the road now!” Bill exclaimed.

“Where are we going?” “Don't worry.” Gustav winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and we get in the car after cleaning up. The car was small but had enough space for all of us. I looked out the window and smelled the addicting aroma of smoke. My eyes looked around and Tom was smoking a cigarette.

“Can I have one?” I put my hand out. He shook his head but I grab onto the box and pulled the box. He pulled back. We were going back and forth. “Give me one!” “No!”

“HEY! No smoking. No one smokes today.” Georg yelled at us and snatched the box from our hands and threw it out the window.

“You're getting mad at us for smoking but you are over here littering.” Tom complained.

Georg looked at the both of us as we threw a fit. “Sit the fuck back.” And he sped up his driving.

At the destination

We had finally made it and before I could get out the door my eyes were covered by cold hands. “What's going on guys?”

They didn't say anything but guided me to walk. “Take off your sandals,” Tom spoke. “Okay?”

I took them off and my feet were touching something warm making the tip of my toes burn. we continued walking and I smelled the saltiness of fresh air. My legs trembled and I just wanted to be home drinking. The hands were removed from my eyes and it took me a while to see everything. It was mindblowing. The ocean came to my ankles.

I turned around and from a few feet away there were chairs, umbrellas, coolers everywhere, and water guns. Just like the good old days.

“Wow...” I said to myself. “What do you think Y/N?” Bill said with a big smile. “I have no words but thank you, guys it feels great to be here.”

But not everything was perfect. My legs couldn't hold in longer and my body fell to the ground my arms catching myself.

“Woah you okay?” Goerg rushed to help me get back up. “Yeah, just tired.” He helped me sit down in the shade.

“We will help you swim if you want.” Tom suggested.

“It's fine I love the view. And besides you just want to hold me.” I poked fun at him.

“Glad your back.” Tom laughed.

Gustav got out some drinks and handed it to all of us. We talked and played around in the sand till the sun went down.

Then I watched them play in the water fighting as always. I know things have to change and I couldn't tell them what else I've been doing without them here. They would be disappointed. But who knows if I will go back to my old habits. I put my head back on the chair and breathed the cold air out of my mouth.

“Y/N! Come join us!” Bill screamed as they kept flipping each other in the water.

I took off my sweater and walk to the water. This is my home.

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#tokio hotel #tokio hotel fanfic #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz #georg listing #gustav schäfer #x reader #fluff #boy bands #imagine #2000s #2008 #tokio x reader #tokio hotel x reader #angst

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someoneinjersey · 4 months

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made it through the weekend and even was able to go get some things done before we went and picked Bizzy up from her babysitter. i got my oil changed and i wanted to throw a fit because it cost $68. Ten years ago I could go right down the road and get an oil change for less than $25. what the actual fuck. so goddamn aggravating. told my mom about it and how as usual i'm not even a week into the month and basically all my disability money is gone. all she said was "welcome to adulthood. sad." and i swear i wanted to reach through the phone and shake the shit outta her. last week or the week before, kate and i had a big not-fight and during our talk afterwards we discussed how since my mom is my single biggest trigger and/or the source of seemingly unrelated triggers, i need to go back and make more boundaries or reinforce the ones i tried to put in place a while ago. and i was like hm, okay, i'll have to think about how i can broach the subject of say, being in contact like once a week unless something comes up maybe. then the very next day mom hit me with "you know i think if you didn't come to see me in october i wouldn't have survived" and i just threw my fucking hands in the air and gave up. idk what to fucking do and i don't have a therapist anymore and i'm extra moody about it all right now because i started my period four days late.

in any case regarding money, i was able to not mooch off kate all weekend since we went away so early in the month, and so the only things i "treated" myself to (besides food which is 50/50 on whether or not it's a treat or making life easier or whatever) was a denim boiler suit from walmart, potting soil, four pots, and a grow lamp so i can repot and move the four plants that live on the kitchen windowsill. i've never kept plants alive this long so i don't intend on letting them die yet, so they're getting bigger pots and new soil and i'll likely move them into my bedroom. probably switch night stands and stick them on the one in the far corner with the grow lamp. i wish we had places to put them out in the house but A we get zero sun B the aloe plant and chrysanthemum aren't good for the cats and C i'm the only one that takes care of them anyway so they might as well just stay in my space. and it's also like, is it "treating" myself to something if it's keeping a living thing alive? idk. and the denim boilersuit looks so fucking cute i have no regrets spending $28 on it.

it's still incredibly weird drinking coffee every day but it has been helping my moods, surprisingly. i also make myself have a cup of tea (usually decaffeinated green tea) before bed. i'm still keeping up with my planner, though i'm letting myself slide when it comes to my little goal of reading every day. if i blow through too many stories too fast i burn out, so i'm taking my current book slowly and giving myself some grace to take days off. i've eaten like shit since thursday what with being away from home (and today being busy and too tired to cook) so i've noticed i feel not as good in that respect but i can get back on track maybe by tomorrow. maybe. still being exhausted and also being in my period doesn't really bode well for having the energy to make healthy meals or being able to deny my period mood cravings. i have a very unhealthy relationship with food. my feelings inside turn foul and evil if i can't have exactly what i want to eat when i want it if i have a craving. it might actually be psychotic.

i have some things i've been wanting to write, little fanfic ideas. or maybe not so little. but i can't activate that switch in my brain to actually do it. i have hang ups. a lot of them. bah

oh and i left my apple watch on the other side of the state like a fuckin champ. night yall

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gemkubiat · 2 years

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#Weightloss #Howtoloseweight #Bellyfat #Burnfat #Thickfat

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cheesecakefactorywhore · 1 year

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I saw someone else do this so here are my notes on having covid in the year of our lord 2023

day 1 - worst sleep of my life, it was cold it was hot i was in pain, truly horrendous. woke up thinking I need to do a phone cleanse and go meditate in the mountains and fix my life up to improve my health. throat felt weird and I was quite exhausted. I chalked it up to my sleep and terrible lifestyle.

day 2 - woke up feeling even worse. went back to sleep. couldnt get out of bed my body hurt so much. realised i was sick. finally mustered up the energy to get out of bed and take some pain killers and make a hot drink. ordered some cold medicine online. took a covid test just in case and it was positive. went through the 5 stages of grief - currently in acceptance, but also still a little in denial because who even has covid anymore! i haven't gotten it in almost 3 years how embarrassing for me to get it now. and also? how did I get it, I don't do anything all day. who could I have come in contact with. I feel better now but obviously had to text people and cancel things. No symptoms other than the headache and the body ache (and the weird throat). I'm just bothered by the inconvenience of it because I had plans and classes pretty much every day this week. Also a trial shift for a potential job that I'm gonna have to move. but i guess life goes on. A little worried about a few things: 1) i live with a somewhat mean old lady so I hope that she doesn't get infected or compromised but I also hope that she isn't a little mean to me and lets me use the kitchen and bathroom without being passive aggressive 2)staying in my room for around 5 days? like I'm already depressed and retrieve all my happiness from not being at home so doing that for 5 days - just living in my filth with nothing to do but eat sleep and laptop is a little concerning especially since I've been so fatigued by technology lately. i am also just thinking about like my hyper-independence and my friends and my inability to ask for help and being alone and not having anyone and how it really is terrible at a time like this. i have to say though one good thing is that i happened to make a lasagna last night and i have a lot of ready food/frozen food that i always refuse to eat just incase i need it more another time and the time has come, so I'm all set on food that is nutritious and easy to make.

#more than a few notes

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actuallysaiyan · 2 years

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Forever(Dante x Fem!Reader)

Word count: 901 Warnings: smuttiness, unprotected sex, mentions of depression, sadness, reader is depressed, creampie finish, comforting sex, filth. Pairings: Dante x Reader Summary: Reader is depressed and Dante hasn't been home in a few weeks. Reader doesn't take good care of herself, so when Dante comes home, he gives her reassurance and comfort in a way she can truly understand. A/N: This stems from a conversation @beneathstarryskies and I had about how Dante would not care about fucking someone on dirty sheets. I have been struggling with my mental health a lot lately, so I decided to write this up.

You’ve been lying on the same sheets that were on the bed when Dante left. It’s been a few weeks. You’ll admit that you haven’t been taking care of yourself. You fell into a depression when he first left, and he hated the idea of leaving you alone for more than a few days, but you knew it was important for him to go take this job.

Most nights you went down to the bar to drink away your pain, only to return to the shop and order pizza and go to bed. You’d sleep in til the late afternoon, then you’d wake up and redo your hair and makeup and go down to the bar once again. This becomes a vicious cycle for you, but it helps dull the pain, even for just a little bit.

But he called you last night, telling you he was coming home today. You wanted so badly to find the energy and motivation to at least change the sheets and get all dolled up for him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so. You were just wallowing now, afraid you’d never get out of this funk.

Dante doesn’t see you at the desk when he first comes in, and he knows you haven’t been feeling the best, so he goes upstairs. When he sees you all curled up on the bed, he’s so heartbroken. He wants to cheer you up. Beer bottles and empty pizza boxes litter the ground next to the bed. Dante finds it so sad to know that you can feel so low like this, just like he is when he feels exactly how you do right now.

“Baby, I’m here.” He says, and you roll over to look at him. As soon as your eyes lock, you can’t help but start to cry. Dante is so quick to come over to you and wrap his arms around you.

He pulls you onto his lap; many many many kisses are peppered all over your face. He will do all that he can to make sure you don’t cry anymore. Your heart aches but you feel so soothed now that he’s holding you close in his arms.

“Please, baby, please don’t cry. I love you so much.”

You sniffle softly, your hands coming up to dry your tears. “I’m sorry, I just missed you so much.”

He rubs your back soothingly, kissing you still. Your tongue slips into his mouth, your neediness growing inside of you. You want him so badly right now. It’s the only thing that could fix this problem.

Dante senses your neediness and the smell of your arousal hits his nose. His cock hardens in his pants, and though he does wonder if the two of you should shower, he decides against it and just begins undressing you. Your hands are frantic as they help him out of his clothes. The two of you share desperate kisses, and cling to one another as you finally are naked. The feeling of his large, warm body on top of yours has you feeling so comforted.

His hand comes down to your already too wet slick. He chuckles breathily when he feels just how aroused you already are. Dante enjoys just how quickly you react to just him. You feel like you could drown in all of his affections and die happy, and Dante feels the same for you.

“Good girl. So wet for daddy.”

You let out a soft moan just for him as his long fingers brush against your aching clit, then he lets one of them penetrate your waiting hole. You buck up a few times, but he’s quick to pull out when he thinks you’re getting a little greedy. He knows you deserve this pleasure but Dante has always enjoyed taking his time with you.

“Does my baby need to be fucked right away?” He asks, sensing your desperation.

“Daddy, please…”

Dante clicks his tongue, “Gotta be more specific than that, baby girl. Tell daddy what you need.”

You swallow hard, “I need your cock, daddy. Please fuck me.”

Dante smirks and he pulls you close to him. He slots himself between your thighs and in one fluid motion, he’s balls deep inside of you. You gasp loudly at the sudden intrusion, but it doesn’t take long for you to be begging him to start moving his hips again.

“I got you, baby. Don’t worry.”

Your throat feels tight once more. Dante continues to praise you softly, reassuring you that he’s here now and he’s going to make it all better. Tears well up in your eyes as he fucks you to an earth shattering orgasm. Your walls pull him in so tight, milking him for all he’s worth. His lips are on yours, kissing passionately and hungrily as he paints your walls white with his seed.

Afterwards, he holds you close. He notices just how this room looks so sad in this state. He knows he needs to fix this for you. So he brings you to the bathroom and showers with you. After the shower, he changes the sheets and cleans up the garbage. You’re feeling so much better by this point. Snuggled in bed, Dante holds you close to his chest.

“I love you, baby. I’m always here for you.”

For now, you can rest easy. Those bad thoughts can’t get you now.

#dante x reader #dante x you #dante x y/n #tw depression #bacon.writes #dante dmc x you #devil may cry #dante devil may cry #dante x fem!reader #dante smut #dante devil may cry smut #dante devil may cry fluff #comfort sex

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getitinbusan · 3 years

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Namjoon:

The Grammy Sessions

18+ smut part of The Studio Sessions

It's not a Grammy award but I hope it's a little distraction for you all until the performance. Written for @jungkookbabyyyy and @etherealxjiminx thanks for the love 💜 I hope you like it.

"You all look so handsome."

Gushing over the five men in front of you was easily one of your favorite pastimes.

"You need to be out of here in 5 minutes, where's Jin and Joon?"

"I'm here," Jin walked in tucking his arm around your waist. "But there's a little issue with Namjoon," he whispered not so softly in your ear. Everyone looked at each other nervously.

"What the hell does that mean?" Yoongi vocalized what everyone was thinking.

"It means he's a little freaked out. I've never seen him like this." Jin was usually Namjoon's support and if he was saying it, it wasn't good.

Jimin pulled out his phone, "Should we call Sejin Hyung?"

All eyes turned to you, waiting. "Why do you think I know the answer?"

"You always know what to do Noona, you take better care of us than anyone." Jungkook flattered while looking worried.

You looked to your boyfriend, "He's not wrong," Yoongi shrugged.

The wheels turned in your head as you tried to formulate a game plan.

The doorbell rang, "The cars here, what are we going to do?"

You looked them over analyzing who would be your best accomplice. "Jimin put your phone away, i'm going to handle this."

You tried hard to sound confident. "You're going to stay with me. Everyone else go get in the car. If we're late, you're going to have to do press alone."

The looks of terror that befell them made you sigh. "Seriously? You all speak perfectly fine English. Stop being such cowards and use it." You kissed their cheeks one by one as they filed out. Jungkook was last.

"You've got this baby, I promise. Your English is so good now, you can do it."

"Do whatever it takes Noona, just get him there."

"So why am I here? What exactly is my role in all this?"

You placed your hands on his shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes. "I'm gonna need you to drive."

"That's it? I could be drinking free champagne at the virtual pre show but instead I have to be the chauffeur?"

"I'm sorry but Guk or Jin would be messy, we've gotten too close and they'd be hurt having to watch."

"Watch what?"

"Me fucking Joon in front of them. God Jimin, keep up we don't have much time."

He stood puzzled.

"Taehyungs a pervert and he'd get too turned on and try to make it about himself. There's no way Joon would fuck me in front of Yoongi and Hobi is just a shit driver."

He didn't even bat an eye. "So your plan is to bribe him with sex?"

"Can you think of a better option because I didn't see you suggesting anything."

He grabbed the keys from their hook and shrugged, "I guess I'll be waiting in the car."

"Joon?" You knocked lightly on his door, turning the handle before he could answer.

He was in his own world pacing the room as if he was lost in thought.

"Hey sweetheart." You startled him.

"You know you can't skip this right?" He sat down onto the edge of the bed with his head in his hands nodding. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

Kneeling in front of him you pulled his hands away from his face. He looked tired.

"What if we don't win?"

"Joon what's really going on? You never worry about things like this."

"This is our ultimate goal, everyone knows. There's so much riding on this and it's all on my shoulders as the leader."

He began pacing again. "If we lose I'm the one who has to tell everyone it's okay, i'm the one who has to calm the fans and I'm the one who has to console the members."

"But what if you win and you're worrying about this for nothing?"

"Thats it though, the one thing nobody's thinking about. If we win tonight we've reached our highest goal, where do we go from there?"

"Namjoon," you couldn't help but smile in fondness, "you think too much."

Wrapping your arms around him you gave him a squeeze. "Shut your head off and try to live in the moment for once."

He kissed your forehead, "I wish you could come tonight."

"Well your car already left so you've got me until we get there."

You picked up his jacket and flung it at him. "Now let's go before you miss anything."

He went to open the passenger door but you pushed it closed. "Don't worry Jimin's got this under control. You're going to ride in the back with me and relax."

His hand was clammy and he kept squeezing yours like morse code.

"What are you doing?" His eyes were clamped tightly shut and his lips were moving but no sound was coming out.

"I'm practicing my speech in case we win. I'm sorry I just can't make my brain stop."

"So if you can't shut it off…" You let go of his hand and palmed him over his pants. "We'll just have to find a way to distract it."

He looked at the front seat towards Jimin.

"Don't worry about him. He's going to keep his eyes on the road and make sure we get there on time."

He was growing firmer with every stroke, straining against the fabric that held him in. "Doesn't that feel better already?"

He smiled with a nod.

"I just want you to sit back and enjoy the ride."

Sliding to your knees in the back seat you carefully undid his zipper. Gently lifting his semi hard dick out of his underwear you leaned in for a suck.

"You have the nicest cock Joon." It twitched at your flattery.

He wrapped his hand into your hair and pushed you closer to his swollen member. You could feel him relaxing under your touch.

"Suck it for me."

Wrapping your lips around him you embraced his shaft with your suctioned movements. Wet lips worked him in and out of your throat while your other hand burrowed around his balls squeezing them gently. Small sighs escaped him, the sound of tension leaving his body.

"What are you thinking about?" You licked the head of his cock.

"How good your mouth feels."

"Umm," you hummed. "If you're still thinking I'm not doing good enough."

You sat up and leaned against your side of the door spreading your legs wide open you fully exposed yourself.

"You're really not wearing anything under there?"

"I wasn't planning on leaving the house." You pulled the oversize sweater you were wearing as a dress over your head.

"I was just going to stretch out on the big couch and watch you perform." You dipped your finger into yourself and his jaw dropped.

"I figured I'd be so turned on and none of you would be there to satisfy me so I'd have to take care of myself." You grinned sinfully, "Undergarments just get in the way."

Catching Jimin watching in the rearview, you circled your clit, teasing the little bud for your audience. He shifted in his seat while adjusting his hard on, "Eyes on the road please driver."

Namjoon reached forward, wanting to explore you like your own fingers were. "Go ahead, put in."

His index finger slid in beside yours and he slowly pumped it in and out matching your movements. "You're so fucking sexy."

"I want you to fuck me Joon, my pussy wants more."

He pulled his finger out and you grabbed his hand, holding it still.

"We should tip the chauffeur, give him a little sample don't you think?"

Namjoon was hesitant, unsure, until a soft, "please, let me taste her," came from the front seat.

Namjoon reached around the headrest and he held his finger out. Jimin's plush lips latched on greedily sucking it clean, running his tongue around the tip for good measure. "You taste so fucking good Noona."

Eyes totally glassed over, Namjoon was desperate for satisfaction.

"What are you thinking about now?" You bit your lip.

"Pounding that pussy into the car seat until you can't walk anymore."

"Yes please." You used your legs to pull him in closer, "get over here and fuck me."

He slid into your wetness with ease, your excited pussy drenched in anticipation for his meaty cock. His body had you pressed into the leather seat while Jimin sat staring at his ass pumping furiously into you.

Catching his eye and holding contact you smiled and moaned louder. You wanted him to have to sit there, horny, counting down the minutes until he could find a release. Knowing he'd be thinking of ways to punish you for putting him through this the entire show made you even wetter.

Wrapping Namjoon tightly in your thighs you whispered, "Cum in me Joonie please, I want you dripping out of me all night."

Ramming himself into you with a newfound energy the car shook as he shot his load deep inside you and collapsed.

"Namjoon baby, what are you thinking about?"

He started laughing from where he was tucked into your neck, the vibrations tickling, making you squirm under him.

"Absolutely fucking nothing."

With Namjoon safely delivered you turned your attention to Jimin.

"Why aren't you getting out of the car? You're already so late."

He looked at you in the rearview mirror, "Don't smile at me and pretend that wasn't intentional. I need a minute, I can't exactly walk in there with a boner."

You couldn't stop laughing. "My poor Mochi. I'll tell you what, I'll make it up to you when you get home."

He pushed the door open to get out but came and leaned into your unrolled window.

"Win or lose you'll be getting something later."

Walking away he grabbed his dick and winked at you.

"You'd better be waiting up for your prize."

#bts grammys #bts smut #namjoon smut #bts #studio sessions #jimin #mochi #rm #joon

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redpandahappypanda · 3 years

Text

I am having a Bad Time.

The kids are on isolation precautions until the first, because their father exposed them to covid.

Because they are not showing any symtoms, and I spent less than five minutes around their father (+ I was masked) I am not required to isolate. But they've been under quarantine since last weekend.

They are Soooooo BORED MOMMA and they're acting out. Branden, similarly, was sent home from work last week and ordered not to return until next Tuesday. So he has been home for the past week as well. He had immediately adjusted his schedule so he wakes up around 1330, and doesn't go to sleep until about 5 the next morning. Coincidently, that night shifter schedule, is not the schedule he is on at work. His job is a day shift position. He has not done one household chore since he's been home. Not without me literally begging or browbeating him for help.

He's taken up smoking again. I wasn't thrilled that he'd gone back to vaping...He had quit for more than a year, but went back to it because it helps him cope with his anxiety while traveling. He isn't traveling anymore...Or so he's been informed. I doubt it, I suspect that his new job will keep him traveling for some time. He says he needs the nicotine, as he can't get it while vaping. Vaping is uncomfortable for him (makes him cough) since he's been sick.

I'm not thrilled. He has been asking me to go buy him cigarettes almost daily. If I tell him no, he guilt trips me into going, "I'm sick, I don't want to leave the house, I don't feel well," He makes every excuse to get me to go run his errands, go buy his cigarettes, get him energy drinks, buy him the one specific soda he drinks and makes me feel GUILTY for not wanting to because he has the job and he makes the money and he supports me and the kids...

But I feel so burnt out. I feel so, so, so taken advantage of. He never watches the kids, never gives me a break, never allows me sleep in. I do ALL the household chores. I pay for the majority of our rent. I pay for our entire national grid bill. I pay my own car and insurance payments. I pay for all of the groceries. I pay for our internet! If I ask him for help, with the kids. or with bills, he treats it like I'm just being lazy; that I'm taking advantage of HIM, because I don't have a job.

I asked him to take care of the kids so I could go down to the library to work on school work without getting interrupted, and he just. Blew me off. Didn't even allow me to finish my request. Tells me to wait to do my work until the kids are in bed, or to put them down for a nap. (Like I can just force my children to go to sleep out of the blue in the middle of the afternoon?)

He promised the other day, to let me sleep in on Sunday, because I went out and bought him his cigarettes again. I asked him tonight if he was still going to do that, because it is VERY late, and the kids wake up at 6, on the dot, every morning. He said, "If I can manage to get up," Meaning, he is going to keep to his habit of staying up until 4:30-5 and "hope he can wake up"

I'm fucking tired.

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ghostbustermelanieking · 3 years

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oddly specific memories i have of listening to tma

in honor of the finale, and because i am a sentimental asshole, i bring you this potentially uninteresting and completely pointless list. i'm gonna miss this show a lot

half my original reasoning for listening to the podcast was to motivate me to walk on the treadmill. this did not work. but i did it the first time, when i was going through the trailers and anglerfish, and i remember the room where my dad keeps the treadmill is really dark and the spooky chanting sort of freaked me out

after the treadmill, i ended up listening to the bulk of the first four episodes on the couch, and halfway through i let my oldest cat, winnie, who always lived outside (i know, i was very against actually keeping her outside) in the house. and she jumped up on the couch with me, which she literally never did. (she was very grumpy and not super affectionate.) i had that cat since i was five, and she passed last june, and i really miss her. quarantine kind of gave us the opportunity to hang out with her a lot, because we were home so much. so i'm glad these memories are kind of intersected in my mind. (below: a pic i have from that day.)

my friend sarah relistened along with me the first time around, which was extraordinarily sweet of her, and also led to some interesting interactions. for example: she forgot when it was revealed that sasha was dead, so she accidentally spoiled that for me when i asked when the others would find sasha (and i spent all of season 2 just like. anxiously vibrating over this fact). she also made this post, when i was still in like early first half of season 1, and my immediate thought was "oh no martin is dead." i hadnt even MET martin at this point

back in early quarantine, my mom had this rule that we had to do something new every day (to keep away the depression... ha ha). anyways, all i wanted to do in my free time was sit around and listen to tma (and also watch this show i was into on netflix), so i came up with some lame excuses, one of which was "i'll give myself a pedicure." this led to the memory i ultimately associate with mag 56 (trevor herbert 2) being me sitting out on our roof balcony thing, giving myself a horrendous pedicure

another time, my family wanted to go play tennis, and they brought me along and brought a hammock for me to lay in. there was this excess material from the hammock, and the sun was in my eyes, so i ended up pulling it up and over me to block the sun and creating this ridiculous hammock cocoon thing. one of the episodes i listened to that day? "tucked in."

before i ever started the show, my friend sarah stayed with me while i was pet sitting. i remember when she got there, she'd just listened to 150 and was telling me how freaky it was (she was still trying to get me into the show), and she was like "of course we're staying on a CUL DE SAC." (that was also the weekend she watched us for the first time and was very upset because i slept through the whole thing, which is scary when you're staying somewhere by yourselves.) anyways, i spent the whole show waiting for the scary cul de sac episode

while i was listening to the show for the first time, my step-dad (an artist) started painting an EYE on the door downstairs near my bathroom. a fucking EYE. he didn't finish it til i had finished the show. but still weird!!

i binged like 12 episodes in one day to finish season 4, which is not impressive at all, but it's still my personal record. i just remember staying up late in my dark bedroom (til like.... 11 i'm lame and i go to bed early), listening to like 158 & 159 & 160 and just being knocked on my ass by how good it all was... i was SUPER spoiled by this point, through my own fault, and i knew exactly what was coming, but actually experiencing it was nuts

the second week i listened live was 167, where the public release was delayed by a couple hours by accident. i spent like 20 minutes refreshing spotify, thinking it was broken, before going on tumblr and seeing what the deal was. (and 167 remains one of my favorites of s5 because i remember just going "thank god it was worth the wait.")

this one car ride where sarah and i made some of our friends listen to the first three episodes of the show. it was the middle of the night and we were just like blasting down i40 listening to anglerfish and do not open etc

the night the what the ghost episode publicly dropped was the night after my graduation, and i was sleeping out on the couch in the living room so my grandfather could sleep in a bed. it was super dark, and i am a jumpy person, and i Remember being mildly disgusted with myself because the corny sound effects were actually freaking me out. (i think i mightve actually seen something weird that night, maybe, but that's another story.)

the weekend my parents moved me into college, we couldn't get the cable in the house we were staying in, and we were all sitting around doing nothing, so i jokingly suggested starting tma with them, and they were like ok grace. my step-dad promptly fell asleep and my mom zoned out -- which is probably good, she doesn't like horror and she's super claustrophobic, so it's probably better we never got to do not open

my brief roommate in college talked about how she was into those youtube channels where people just read scary stories, so of course i was like try tma out. so she listened to the first episode on her own, and we were out one night, and she started mag 02 while i went into an ice cream place. she was into it (she kept being like open it, ya pussy) and wanted to keep listening while we went home, and even back in our room. i had only been in town for a couple weeks, and barely knew my way around, but i also didn't want to turn the gps on and be interrupted every five seconds. so i tried to find our way back on my own. it took the entirety of mag 03, and into mag 04, before i did it. so now i will forever associate across the street with all those wrong turns i took in a dark, semi unfamiliar city, trying to get back to our college without a gps

the day of the early drop for 179 was the day i moved back home from college -- a five hour drive by myself. i ended up listening to it on the final stretch of the trip, when i was super tired and it was dark and i knew it'd probably be a crazy episode. just me full blasting down i40, drinking an energy drink (which i never do) through a hole punched in the top, listening to daisy's death

186 early dropped the day after initial u.s. election day (when we still didn't know anything). my mom had set up a "watch party" in the living room with these giant air mattresses, and we all sort of spent the day crowded around the TV watching the numbers. not much of a memory, but i remember sitting on that air mattress and listening to martin's monologue in the midst of that messy week

i had a virtual therapy appointment on the day of 187's early drop, and my dad was home, so i drove to an empty parking lot to do the session in some privacy. i was trying to listen to the episode before the session started, so i ended up listening to the last half sitting in my car, in the pouring rain, just staring at my radio in shock (187 remains one of my favorite s5 episodes)

my friend sarah had just come home for winter break the day 189 dropped, and we decided to listen together, just like driving around in circles drinking coffee and listening and speculating on whether or not that was really martin

i started my relisten right after thanksgiving and was just kind of blowing through fast as i could through the whole of december. i had to go back to college to empty out my dorm, and i went to the beach after, and i ended up listening to mag 11 while just like walking around in circles in the tide pools. the closer it got to christmas, the more christmassy i wanted to keep things, so i would like. listen in the mornings and turn on one of those Netflix fireplaces and get all cozy

my other friend went with me on a mini bagel road trip in december, and he was still trying to get caught up, so we listened to mag 169, 170, and 171 on the drive home. (by this point, i was accustomed enough to s5 and smiting scenes to automatically reach for the volume controls when jude perry and jared hopworth died.)

when i relistened to mag 47, i was sitting with my cat beezus. i paused the episode to write this big long meta, so i was in a different headspace when i pressed play again. jon immediately yelled for sasha and i immediately jumped, and beezus gave me a searing glare and just got up and left

i relistened to piecemeal while i was cooking, which i thought was kind of funny and also disgusting

after christmas, i got into the habit of bringing my cat georgia into my room in the mornings, and she'd crawl under the covers with me while i listened to tma

one story i've always liked to tell from my first listen is how when i first listened to the meat arm grinder episode, my dad asked me to help him cook hamburgers later that day and explained how hamburgers are ground up (to my disgust). i hit meat grinder in my relisten and um. you'll never fucking guess what i made for lunch that day

so i had all these arbitrary rules for myself when i started tma last april, and i've broken like all of them. i started listening to tma while virtually working -- you just pull it up on your computer and it works. (i got the life scared out of me when one of my coworkers started talking over the podcast, wondering who it was that had walked into jon's office and why he wasn't reacting and why i didn't remember it.) i also started listening a lot while driving, which led to several long meta posts i wrote being typed up in a parking lot somewhere

i spent the entirety of 194 anxious-cuddling georgia. (i tried to do this for 198 and then didn't have any anxiety to cuddle her over.) i fully plan on doing this for 200, where i am sure i will need it again

my favorite place to listen to tma probably ended up being the roof room at my mom's, and unless something goes awry, this is where i will listen to the finale. (with georgia, of course.)

this list is super uninteresting, like i said, but here it is. i'm gonna miss this show a lot. i can't wait to return to it, later in life, and make all new listening memories in the process

#the magnus archives #personal #food mention tw #pet death tw

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poormeowmeowcollector · 3 years

Text

Oh My God They Were Roommates! Just Roommates

Warnings: mentions of nightmares, smoking, breakdowns and lactose intolerance.

Characters: aro!Bucky ace!Loki (also genderfuid)

Summary: After the end of the Avengers, some kept fighting and some retired. Bucky was too tired to keep going, and he wanted the normal life. But he didn't expect the God of Mischief asking for the same thing

Notes: I made the Bingo! This was so tough to write but I really love the results!

Read On AO3

The Avengers are now in the past, after the Big Battle with Thanos. Some have gone offworld, some keep fighting and some just stop and try to leave a normal life. They are too tired to keep fighting. And Bucky is one of them.

After the battle, and after Steve handed his legacy over Sam, Bucky promised himself a normal and calm life. Sam respected it and asked for no help, even if things go bad. He pays a visit once a week and stays in touch.

Bucky now works in a small coffeeshop, and rents a small apartment. It's simple and cozy, he likes it. And he likes his simple life with his friendly co-workers and nice customers and he even gets laid if he's lucky enough. He falls in love with this kind of life.

One day, on a rainy night of November, he hears a knock on the door. He doesn't bother fetching his metal hand as he crosses the room and opens it.

And he finds Loki outside, wet and shivering. He never liked rain, says that water can compromise his cold resistance.

"Come in, you must be freezing," Bucky opens the door and moves aside. Loki nods and smiles, kicking his boots out after his feet meet the carpet.

And Loki never mentions Asgard. They didn't mention it as much before Ragnarok, but now they act as if it never existed. And suddenly, they make traditional soups.

"Th-thank you…" Loki smiles.

"Don't mention it. Take that thing on, will ya? Settle near the radiator, over the couch, I'll make you something warm to drink, okay?" Bucky replies, pointing at the soaking wet coat Loki's wearing. He makes a small nod and does as he was told, watching Bucky as he fetches his hand and heads to the kitchen. He knows that he shouldn't give him tea or coffee, it's quite late and Loki's an insomniac, so he settles down with chocolate. Well, he has a big sweet tooth, why not enjoy a nice warm cup of chocolate?

He goes back to the couch, smiling just a bit when he sees Loki covered with the blanket like a burrito. Loki takes the cup, holding it to warm up his hands before he takes a long sip.

"Th-thank you, it's q-q-quite g-good," He smiles, his shivering chin making his stutter appear.

"Again, don't mention it. What brought you here?" Bucky relaxes on the other side of the couch, his eyes on Loki. Last time he remembers, Loki was fighting.

"I couldn't move past Tony… it, it went bad, even when I was fighting. All nightmares and flashbacks and I… I think it's killing me. I wanna get out of this, retire. It's just too much, I can't take it anymore," He admits, his voice trembling again but not because of the cold. Bucky reaches out to his hand, a tight grip on it with his fleshed limp. And Loki leaves a small smile.

"And, I thought if you could use a roommate…" He finishes his answer.

"To be honest, it does get a bit boring without some idiots yelling at toasters," Bucky smiles.

"Bread should not be flying!" Loki spits, and Bucky laughs at it. But Loki also lets his lips twist upwards.

"You can stay for how long you want. But we will have to get a bigger apartment, this one has only one bedroom," Bucky answers.

"Let me rest for tonight and it will have a second bedroom tomorrow," Loki eyes the former soldier. He almost forgets about his magic. "But I can settle down on the couch tonight, it's comfy," He smiles. Bucky smiles too, he really doesn't feel like abandoning the apartment, he worked so hard to make it the way it is.

And they start to catch up with each other, while they have the energy to stay up. But they both grow tired and end up muttering goodnight and going to sleep.

For Bucky, it was a normal Saturday sleep, when he knows his alarm clock won't wake him up. But Loki hadn't slept with such peacefulness since Tony died.

~~~

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY HAIRBRUSH?" Bucky yells from the bathroom.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TAKE YOUR HAIRBRUSH? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU BRUSH THIS SHIT UNTIL NOW!" Loki yells back from the kitchen.

"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE SHIT. IF YOU EVER DISRESPECT MY HAIR LIKE THA- Nevermind, I found it," Bucky mutters the last few words. And Loki hears him perfectly. Because they are 7 feet apart. They didn't need to yell at each other.

"Good for you. Now stop blaming me whenever you lose something," Loki answers, waiting for the soldier to appear on their viewing field. And he did. But they now sigh and pay more attention to the food they're cooking.

"Alright, I'm sorry," Bucky hums, Loki making only a throaty sound as an answer. "What're you making? It smells nice," He asks, moving towards the kitchen to peek at the pot.

"It's a traditional stew on Asgard, you'll see," Loki smiles, but actually means "no peeking until I'm done".

Usually, Bucky was the one doing the cooking. Loki is a better cook, they use a lot of seasoning and know which one goes where, but they don't like it as much. In fact, Bucky can swear they only cook when stressed, as if they try to distract themselves with the smell of whatever they throw into the food.

And they basically talk through the night, with interruptions when Loki is rushing to the bathroom and returning like they had to give birth over there. At least until they both grow tired and fall asleep, right beside to each other. For the first time in days, no screaming and waking up in the middle of the night occurs.

Bucky sighs, trying to find something else to focus on. Something other than Loki's odd behaviour the last days, with the ongoing silence and numbness. Other than the sudden Æsir cooking. Other than the smoking they pretend it doesn't happen, like Bucky doesn't recognize the smell of tobacco in them. Something other than the screaming he hears in the middle of the night and knows that he can't help because Loki tends to lean towards the fight response and Bucky cannot fight back without hurting them.

And he knows where those things lead to. It's not the first time that Loki started going south after Tony. And the previous one was ugly, by all means. What if this one turns out to be ugly too?

"What are you thinking of?" Loki asks, their voice carefully soft. Bucky tries to appear calm, it's not worth worrying Loki too.

"Nothing special…" He shrugs, avoiding eye contact. But he hears Loki sighing and moving the pot before they walk on the couch and sit beside him.

"Is that why you are so worried? Come on, speak it up. Weren't you saying that we should talk about what is bothering us?" They are still soft, like Bucky's the elephant in the room. They were always like this, prefer to soothe others than speak about their issues.

"I'm just worried…" Bucky admits. This will not end pretty…

"Do you want to say what is worrying you?" Loki sits closer, big green eyes staring at him. The dark circles that start creeping around them making them brighter.

"Nah, it's not worth it…" Bucky regrets it and stares elsewhere, gazing at the asexual and aromatic flags hanging on the doors of the two bedrooms. And Loki makes a small tutting sound.

"You can just say you don't feel like talking, lies weren't needed," They argue.

"Says the god of them," Bucky thinks out loud. He shouldn't have said that.

The room gets cold, something Bucky knows is happening because Loki loses some control of their Frostbite when overwhelmed. They stand up and go back to the kitchen, speaking only to inform him that the dinner is ready with a dead voice.

Bucky follows them with hesitance, waiting for them to fill a bowl with the brownish stew before he serves himself and settles on the chair opposite to them.

The stew is nice. The taste of meat is strong and the seasoning makes it kind of sweet. Not exactly Bucky's taste, but he doesn't mind it. Loki plays with the pieces of meat inside it, his right hand holding his head.

"It's nice," He mutters, hoping he can make a small smile appear.

"It's shit," Loki argues, letting the spoon fall on the bowl as they stare at it with disgust. And then, they cover their face with their hands, their rapid breathing echoing.

"Hey, it's just some stew," Bucky tries to soothe them down but they stand up and pace to their room, the door slammed behind them. Bucky wants to follow, walk in and hug them tight and soothe them down. But it's wiser to give them some space.

He tries to finish his own meal, but his appetite is long gone. So, he empties the bowls back in the pot and washes the dishes, trying to think of what to do. He can already feel the apartment going colder and colder, and it's never a good thing.

Maybe if he finds something to cheer up Loki? They like sweets, maybe a cake. Thank God there's a candy store down the road, it will be maybe ten minutes on foot.

Loki doesn't react when Bucky opens the door and leaves, they probably don't even care. Bucky's lucky enough to find a dark chocolate cake, their favourite flavor, and it's cheap enough to buy it. And Loki is still locked in the room when he returns with the dessert.

"Hey, can you please let me in. Just wanna check on ya, you know," Bucky knocks the door. The handle twists and the door opens after a blanket of frost covers it. But, Loki's magic is like a green light that acts like smoke…

Loki is sitting on the corner of the bed, the room around them covered with a thin layer of ice. They have dropped every illusion, even the Æsir one. They do it plenty of times in an attempt to get used to it, or when they can't control the seiðr. They smile just so, fags showing, as they light out a smoke on an ashtray.

"Will you stand there?" They ask, voice dead. There are no tears in their ruby eyes, not trembling from the crying. They just look numb.

Bucky nods and sits on the other side of the bed, placing the box in front of him and a fork above it. "I thought you would like some cake…" He hums, inspecting Loki as they glance at the box.

"Thank you," They try to smile but their face disagrees. They take the box to their lap and open it, frost appearing on the paper that touches him and the fork.

"So, do you feel like speaking?" Bucky asks. They hate showing it, but they love talking and it actually helps them a lot.

"It's just some homesickness. Don't worry, it will pass…" They shrug one shoulder and take a bite of the cake. Their lips twist upwards, a good sign, and they place the box between them and Bucky, a second fork appearing in their hand.

"Oh, thank you," Bucky smiles and takes it, not minding the freezing cold of Bucky's skin. "So, it's about Asgard or the Avengers," He asks.

"Kind of both, somehow… and, it's also the nightmares, as usual. But they're manageable," They lie. After years with them, Bucky knows when they lie. And, most important, he knows when to demand the truth and when not.

"Well, if you feel like it will help, you can come over for snuggles and emotional support." He suggests. Loki smiles and nods, staying silent as they focus on the cake. Can you blame them? They haven't eaten properly for days. But Bucky does give them a look when he realises how fast they devoured the dessert.

"Wait, did you ask for lactose free?" They ask, after making the box vanish. And Bucky forgot to ask.

"Shouldn't you also ask before you eat the whole thing?" He also asks, his worry about how much Loki's small intestine shall suffer tonight growing.

"So, we are both idiots," Loki comes to a conclusion, finding Bucky agreeing.

"Basically, yes… and, I think I should suffer with you tonight, right?" He asks.

"Definitely, just lay near the wall, you don't want to be between me and the toilet," They respond, freeing the space of the bed they meant. Bucky got his metal hand out, he doesn't like sleeping with it on, and lay where he was instructed to, Loki laying beside him.

#marvellousaces #maholidaybingo2020 #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #Bucky and Loki #Aromatic Bucky #asexual loki #genderfuid Loki #he/they Loki #roomates #but actually not #platonic #marvel fluff #marvel angst

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crystxlclear · 4 years

Text

sudden desire

chapter three: so, maybe i’m not okay

part four of sudden desire

prologue / one / two / masterlist

in which two best friends won’t admit they’re in love so decide to have a baby together instead.

pairing: marcus pike x original female character

word count: 2.5k (short lil chapter today!)

warnings: mentions of illness? other than that, none that i can think of? maybe the tiniest smidge of angst if you squint

Coraline has always been close to her father. One of her very first memories involved her perched on his shoulders at a Fleetwood Mac gig. He'd managed to sneak Cora, her brother, Daniel, and her heavily pregnant mom side-stage — the perks of him managing the venue at the time, in between jobs — and he'd cried when he'd heard her singing along to his favourite band. The show was all she'd talked about for a solid two weeks. Sure, the memories were a little grainy and probably warped by a crackly VHS tape of her mother's that she used to watch almost every day, but they were memories she held onto it as tightly as she could.

It was her father who took her first (dreadful) headshots, and him who she'd turned to when her sister died, and him who'd persuaded her that leaving everything and everyone she knew and loved back in Michigan to settle down in California (and then, later, D.C.) was a good idea. She owes her dad a lot, which is why the phone call has been playing on her mind all day.

The call came at 3am. She'd only fallen asleep two hours earlier, after Loren had arrived to pick up Maisie an hour late, hair a mess and rushing to apologise. Marcus had left a little while later and she'd practically collapsed into bed a few minutes later. She'd been woken by the low humming of her phone vibrating against her bedside table as it shot light through her dimly lit bedroom. She'd groaned uncomfortably and reached for it, cheek wedged awkwardly between her pillows and the mattress and legs tangled wildly in the sheets (Scott had always said she wriggled a lot in her sleep, but she'd always assumed he was exaggerating, until she slept alone).

She'd scowled when she'd seen it was her dad; he knew her schedule, and she'd told him she was up early when they'd spoken earlier that day. He never rings her late and it takes a moment for the frustration of being woken early by her phone to bleed away into worry and concern.

"Hello?" She'd croaked our groggily. "Are you okay? Is mom okay?"

She'd been met with a chuckle. His voice was low and gruff when it came, unusually thick and strangled. "Hey, Corrie." There was shuffling on the other end, hushed voices floating in and out of focus, until the phone went silent enough to think that maybe he'd hung up and hadn't meant to disturb her at all.

She'd scowled but her phone assured her he was still on the line. "Dad?" She'd called out to him. The panic had begun to rise when it wasn't his voice that replied.

"Coraline," her mother's soft voice breathed out. It was like a sigh of relief. "Sorry to bother you." Her French accent tipped the corner of her words. It always got stronger when she was upset or worried or scared, and it was especially thick now.

"What's wrong?"

Another pause. "Your father is in the hospital."

"What?" She’s suddenly holy upright, fear turning her blood to ice.

"He's fine, don't worry." She'd assured her. "He’s had some problems with his breathing again. They're doing some tests."

She'd almost booked a flight back to Michigan, almost abandoned filming and ran back home to make sure her dad was okay. The last time he'd been in hospital, it had been touch and go, and they'd spent an entire day huddled at his bedside in fear, just in case he'd stopped breathing. It was touch and go, and she couldn't live with herself if the worst happened and she never got to say goodbye to the man she owed so much to. She'd been in the process of scanning over the next flights on her laptop when her dad had taken the phone back from her mom and practically demanded that she stay in D.C.

Eventually, she'd relented. He'd promised to update her and she'd told them she loved them both before hanging up. But the phone call had sent her entire day into a tailspin.

She’d tried to sleep the extra hour and a half before she had to haul herself to work but her mind was running too wild for that. Even despite the reassurances, worry was plaguing her thoughts and panic was forcing her eyes open. Everything was just too much.

The last time it had happened, she'd had Scott. It was back when things were good, and he'd held her as she'd finally fallen asleep, curled up against him in an uncomfortable hospital chair.

But, now, he’s gone. Now, then, she was stood on set alone, trying her best to bite back a yawn and the tears, with so much concealer hiding the dark circles under her eyes that she can feel it clinging desperately to her skin. And, of course, life had picked the day when they had the most action scenes to film to deprive her of sleep.

Her entire body ached. She isn't sure how she's still standing after the first hour of work, with her legs protesting with every movement. Two hours of sleep and the running and the jumping and the endless stunts had sapped every last scrap of energy from her bones. She'd carried on stoically for most of the morning but she's truly never been more grateful for a lunch hour before, when she finds herself curled up against the couch in her trailer, passing out even despite the panic still swelling in her chest. She'd been surprised when she hadn't cried — maybe she was just too exhausted and her body simply couldn't muster the tears — but she's grateful she manages to keep the tears in because she doesn't want to haul herself back to set with mascara tears on her cheeks.

She’s even more grateful when she makes it home after a day that feels like five rolled into one and the scattered couch cushions look far too inviting for her to ignore.

It's an uncomfortable sleep and she wakes with the beginnings of a headache thrumming through her skull and a stiffness in her spine that she can't seem to straighten out. She's not sure how long she's managed to sleep — barely half an hour, she assumes — because she's woken by a soft knock on the door instead of the alarm she'd set on her phone. It wakes her with a jolt and she can't help but groan at the aching protests her limbs give when she stands. She shuffles across the apartment to the door and Marcus is stood there, smiling, his suit jacket and tie draped across his arm.

She's half dressed too - only he looks a damn sight better than she does, because his hair isn't dishevelled and messy and his shirt isn't twisted half way around his torso. She shouldn't have slept in her clothes but at least she had the hindsight to take off the stiff jeans. Except, now, she’s startlingly aware she’s standing before Marcus in nothing but her underwear and an unforgivably tight tank top.

"Good evening, Sunshine." He grins, that smile that makes her think that maybe he should be the one she called 'Sunshine'. "I brought you coffee." An odd offering at nine on a Wednesday evening but she’d been complaining, via text, about the lack of quality caffeine all day. Marcus offers her a polystyrene takeout cup as he steps inside.

"Lifesaver," she mumbles as she grabs it by the flimsy top and shuffles towards the kitchen to pour it into her unused Death Cab for Cutie mug — the mug her brother bought her three birthdays ago — and sips on the coffee. It's far too hot but she doesn't care; she needs the caffeine just to keep her eyes open. She grabs the blanket that she’s been sleeping under and wraps it around her waist, hyper-aware that she’s still wandering around in her underwear. She’s almost too tired to care.

"Are you okay?" It’s almost like he can tell. Though, she’s sure it probably has something to do with the dark bags beneath her eyes. She’s sure it probably looks like she’s been punched square in the face.

She shrugs. "I'll be fine. 'm just tired," She hums. Coraline slumps back against the couch cushions, pulls a thick blanket back over her body and lets her eyes flutter shut again. She groans and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Bad night sleep?" There’s bags and piles of fresh laundry piled on the chair he usually sits on, a product of Coraline’s half-hearted attempt at productivity. Instead, he resigns and sits down beside her at the opposite end of the couch, lifting her legs absentmindedly to rest in his lap, sipping on his own drink, and smiling at her sympathetically as she stifles a yawn against the back of her hand.

Her eyes drag towards him when she opens them again. They rest on his face, studying everything from the softness of his brow and the curve of his prominent nose, to the scattering of facial hair that dances across his jaw, small patches of grey poking through at the edges. She’s glad he kept it after whatever undercover work he’d been assigned to before they’d even met. "If I tell you it was the worst night sleep I'd ever had, in my entire life, would that make me sound dramatic?"

"You? Dramatic?" Marcus scoffs and a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. His free hand rests on her leg; he draws patterns against her skin but she’s not even sure he realises he’s doing it. "Never."

“Shut up.” Coraline glares at him but smiles, regardless. "Well, I think I'm allowed a pass today."

His face falls at her words. "What happened?"

She sighs and takes a hand through her hair. "My dad-" She eyes him as he watches her intently, brown eyes soft and comforting. "-he's ill again."

Cora had told him about her dad's illness, about how she worried he'd wind up back there again, in the hospital, that things would be worse this time. He'd listened to her like what he was saying was the most important thing in the world and she'd almost cried when he'd held her in a hug a little longer than usual. It was that night that she’d tried to ask him about his past; she wasn’t sure if he was trying to avoid telling her because he didn’t trust her or because it held things he didn’t want to relive. She half-hoped it was the latter, but she hated to think that he might be bottling things up, things he didn’t want her to know or didn’t feel comfortable sharing.

She wishes he’d tell her things. She’ll understand, no matter what it was. She’ll listen, like he does to her, for as long as he needs, as long as he wants.

It’s almost comical how different they are in that sense. Marcus is reserved, closed off, but in way that doesn’t suit him. It’s like whatever exists there, whatever memories lingered, had been withered by sadness, by something or someone, until there’s a barrier guarding his secrets and story that he hasn’t meant to build. She sees the softness in his eyes when she tells him her stories or shares her fears, like his heart is aching to spill the details of his past. Like he can’t let it out. It works for his job — undercover work, secrets, classified information — but somehow it doesn’t suit the smile and the softness of his words as he illuminates Coraline’s darkness.

Coraline, on the other hand, finds her words spilling from her chest before she can even hold them back. She’s not sure if it’s just him — the reassuring smiles, the soft brush of a hand, the gentle voice — but they pour from her at an almost embarrassing speed, like a waterfall of words cascading at regrettable speed. She’s not even entirely sure that she won’t spill her secrets to the next stranger in the street who offers her a smile. But that works for her job; people prying, picking her apart like vultures, scavengers of information found tucked away out of reach. It’s the worst part of the job description, to expect someone to know every detail of your private life, but she often thinks she’s open enough to sate them, until they leave her alone at last.

On paper, they make no sense. Jobs, the polar opposite, necessary privacy mixed with relentless publicity. Open and closed doors. But Coraline thinks, perhaps, that’s why they work. It balances them both out.

Marcus reaches over and catches her hand in his. There's barely any space between them because of the way they’re sat, with her feet prodding at his knees. "I'm sorry, Cora," he whispers, his thumb running over her knuckles softly.

After a shaky smile, gazes locked for maybe a little too long, Coraline stands up and smooths out her shirt. As much as she appreciates it, and appreciates him, she doesn't want to cry. Not today. "It'll be okay." She scrapes her thumb under her eyes, brushing away the black smudges that she's sure have formed underneath her eyes, and finishes the last of her coffee. "Everything will be okay."

Cora isn't entirely sure she believes that.

#marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x oc #marcus pike x original character #marcus pike #pedro pascal x reader

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profoundsaladshoeshark · 3 years

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DAY 1 APRIL 29, 2021

Good Morning everyone! So many requirements this week and I can't handle it anymore. I can't manage my time and don't know what to do. I didn't have enough sleep. It's so gloomy outside and rainy. I want to sleep but I have some lessons to study.

It's so cold outside, end of school year is quite near and I'm super excited. I should do first this requirements before enjoying myself watching Netflix movies.

So many tasks to do this week and I'm preparing myself to be productive to do this tasks without being lazy. Before I do some tasks, my grandmother asked me for help to clean her room. We replace the curtains, we mop the floor, we decided to take a break and have some snacks. She made my favorite pineapple juice and I toasted the slice bread and we enjoy eating together.

This Thursday, our internet connection gone unstable. I don't know why but it will come back to normal as soon as possible. I went to my room and take a rest. I used my cellphone, surfed the net, and listen to my favorite classic songs. I turned off the lights and went asleep.

DAY 2 APRIL 30, 2021

This Friday, it was so hot in the morning. I went to the bathroom and take a bath. I saw my grandmother making our breakfast for us. It was eggs and hotdogs. We ate it and I will be the one who will wash the dishes. I went to our living room and I watched my favorite show. My favorite channel is the Cartoon Network and my favorite cartoon is We Bare Bears. They're so cute! I want to hug tight and be my companion to bed when I sleep every night.

I called mom and we talked for awhile when she's not busy. She's working abroad. I dropped the call because I have something to do. Today was my cousin's birthday. Me and my grandmother were invited to attend to his party. When we arrived in their house, we saw them preparing for the birthday party. We arrived earlier than I thought. When I enter on his room, I saw him using his new phone, it was a gift from his dad. Aww, how sweet! I wish when my birthday comes, mom will give me a new phone.

DAY 3 MAY 1, 2021

Thank God it's Saturday! I want to rest this weekends. I want to watch movies at night with my grandmother and also my siblings. I want to use my phone all night and play Mobile Legends because for me it was the most addictive game in the world. I look up in the sky and watch the sunset. Sunset is my favorite scenery because it makes me calm and I was so admired by the sun.

I directly went to my room and changed clothes. I go to the kitchen to make Chicken Adobo, that would be our dinner for tonight. After we ate, I surfed the net, watched horror movie, and felt asleep.

DAY 4 MAY 2, 2021

Sunday morning, I woke up early and I made a milk for myself. Milk is not enough so I cooked my own breakfast today. It was bacon, egg, and hotdog with rice of course. I'm so happy it wasn't overcooked. I charged my phone because I forgot to charge it last night.

It's lunch time, I ate Adobo that I made last night. I go back to my table where I usually study and focus on myself. It's so hot in the afternoon and my eyes are itchy. I don't have any glasses to protect my eyes from the radiation coming from my device. Layer that time, I felt dizzy and weak so I talked to my grandmother and she gave me some medicines, I should take this because I want to feel better as soon as possible. Then I rest and felt asleep.

DAY 5 MAY 3, 2021

I hate Mondays but I woke up early because of the noise coming from outside. I can still feel the dizziness so I take medicines to cure this. Then I lay down in my bed and take a rest. I felt asleep again and woke up in the afternoon, I skipped lunch because I don't want to eat. Feeling well, I go outside and ventilated myself with the fresh wind. I saw my friend walking by and I smile with a wink to her. She smiled back but doesn't wink back.

I checked my temperature and it goes back to normal. I pray to God and thanked Him because He did not forsake me even I'm a sinner. We should pray and have faith on Him, He is great, He loved us all.

Our subject teachers gave us activities and I answered it already because I have time for it and I don't want to fail, my mom would beat me if I fail. I am ready to pass it, but maybe tomorrow I should go to school or I will send it to my aunt and she will be the one who will pass it in the Drop-Pick Area in our school.

DAY 6 MAY 4, 2021

I woke up early to do my laundry because I don't have any clothes to wear. After doing the laundry, I rest for some 30 minutes, then I did my homeworks and some activities. I also workout for like 30 minutes. My grandmother cooked my favorite dish called chop suey for our lunch. I love it since I was a kid, this is my favorite dish.

I go outside and trim some of the bushes. Suddenly, a beggar came to our house, wearing a surgical mask and she asked me if she can obtain some of our papaya fruit. She also said that she was so hungry and she badly want to eat that papaya fruit. She also told me that she's 4 months pregnant. I think she is craving to the fruit. I gave her the perfectly ripe papaya fruit so that she can enjoy it. She was so thankful to me. And i said "Anytime, you're welcome!"

Being generous also makes us feel better about ourselves. We have to focus on what we are giving not on what we are receiving. We have to be selfless.

DAY 7 MAY 5, 2021

Today is Wednesday. Finally, we have our internet connection and was faster than the recent wifi we used. We can watch youtube without lagging, play online games, and lastly surf the net faster than ever before. This day I read books to enhance my reading skills. I also practiced to sing. My voice actually improved when I was a part of Musical Play in Grade 10.

When I was bored in our house, I usually go to Pili to buy groceries and my needs when I have money. I always buy my favorite Choco-Strawberry Milktea. I usually spend my money to buy foods because it helps me to cope and reduce stress. When I have free time, I play online games like COD, ML, Valorant and many more. It helps me to think critically on how to kill enemies, know the strategies, and many more.

DAY 8 MAY 6, 2021

Today is my favorite cousin's birthday. I'm so excited! Her name is Zchan and she is my beloved cousin and also my bestfriend. Since nursery, she's within me. We play our favorite outdoor games, we watch our favorite cartoons together, we do our schoolworks together, even if it there's an Honor List, we ranked 1st together. We are blessed with intelligence but I am more talented thank her. We always brainstorm together when we have a problem to be solved and the funny thing is that we usually had the same idea. I really love her so much. I prepared her a gift, it was a Gucci sweatshirt. My mom bought it for me so I can give her the gift that I know she wants.

I prepared myself, I went to their house, it's already 3:00 and thankfully I am not late. i helped her sister for preparing the party. It's only a small party because of the pandemic and also she didn't wish to have a big party celebration. Later that afternoon, we ate the foods in the table, and after that I also helped wash the dishes.

When I arrived home, I saw my grandma watching news. I proceed to my room, changed my clothes and fell asleep.

DAY 9 MAY 7, 2021

The Finals Examination for Second Semester is near and honestly I am not ready. I should review my lessons this week but I have so many responsibilities to do. We will have the general cleaning in our entire house tomorrow. My grandmother told me that I should prepare and be ready for tomorrow and finish my school activities. I also have to be the cashier in our store and take care of it.

Before our general cleaning, I already clean and organized my room so that tomorrow I will focus only on the other part of the house. Honestly my room is always clean hehe. I don't want other people sneak into my room without any permission from me. I don't want any dust in my room especially in my bed. My grandmother always tell me that she even asked me "Why am I so clean?" I answered her that since I was a kid, I usually get the "Most Neat and Clean Award". And also I told her that Good hygiene lowers your risk for diseases and illnesses commonly spread through viruses and bacteria. Washing yourself and staying clean can kill and remove illness-causing bacteria from your body, lowering the risk for disease. Good hygiene is key to preventing infection when wounds and skin irritation are present.

DAY 10 MAY 8, 2021

It was Saturday, I woke up late and I drink milk and ate some bread to have energy when cleaning the house. I go to the bathroom and take a shower, my grandmother said that I should take shower before doing a household chores.

I started at the front of our house, I sweep those fallen leaves and piled up in a designated area where we burn those leaves. Next that I did was Grass cutting. I used the pruning shears to cut those unwanted grass in our yard. The next that I did is to water my plants. Grandma loves her plants as much as me. I sprinkled some water to the plants to make them alive and healthy. The next thing that I do is to clean the window, I wiped them using squeegee and a cloth to make them dry fast. The last thing that I did is mop inside the house. Then after that I take some rest and eat those snacks that my grandmother prepared for me. Then it was dark and I fell asleep.

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paradox-psyc-hoe-sis · 4 years

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The Strongest Avenger

Carol x fem!reader, avengers x reader (platonic)

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: so many oh boy. Attempted angst, fluff, insecurity, broken bones, injections + needles, so much gore, organ removal, vomit. If you're sensitive to any gore then please don't read it, I'm sorry oof

A/n: I've never written anything like this before, so feedback is always welcome. Tamika, if you're reading this, I am going to marry Carol Danvers one day. Try and stop me, I dare you. - Aphrodite

"Your turn, Nat!"

You, Carol, Natasha, Wanda and Peter all sat on the floor of your bedroom. Carol had a week free, so she decided to spend that week back on earth with her best friends; she was completing a 6 month long mission and it had been exactly 123 days since you saw her last. Yes, you were counting. Whenever she returns from a mission, you host a girls night (eith the exception of Peter, of course. He looked up to you all so much, you couldn't just not invite him), and tonight you had decided to play a game of 21 dares. It's practically the exact same as 21 questions, but with dares instead. After all, you were avengers, and none of you were scared of a bit of danger.

"Alright, alright." Nat looked deep in thought before her eyes lit up, thinking of the best dare. "Carol. I dare you to make out with the prettiest person in the room." Peter gasped, making everyone laugh, and you met Carol's eyes. She raised and eyebrow, to which you gave a small nod; next thing you knew, she had scooted over to sit next to you, and casually put her lips on yours. You didn't think too much of it; you and Carol were closer than any of the other avengers were, and she probably felt more comfortable kissing you than anyone else. The fact that she had chosen you as the prettiest never even crossed your mind.

You'd had a crush on Carol since the first time you saw her. It was about two years ago; she was moving into the avengers tower, and you had to give her the tour. Her sandy blonde hair fell casually onto her shoulders, and she wore black jeans with a white jumper. You had offered to carry her bags, but that was a mistake - being roughly half a foot shorter and only having 3% of the strength that she has was the fatal flaw. Over those two years, you and Carol grew to be best friends, and your feelings for her slowly faded. What was once a raging fire of passion had fizzled down into a small candle flame, but it shone bright with hope nonetheless. She hadn't changed since you first met her, yet she now sported short hair, rather than her longer curls.

Oh, and now you were kissing her.

Her lips were soft, contradictory to yours which were chapped and rough. You were so focused on her that you didn't hear Wanda trying to get your attention. Carol snaked a hand up to your neck and opened her mouth slightly more, yet you could still feel her smiling into your mouth. Before you could put a hand on her waist, you felt someone flicking your face. Laughing as you pulled away from her, Carol sat back where she originally was, and gave you a wink. Wanda was now knelt next to you, and it became apparent that she was the one who had flicked you.

"Any longer and we would've had to cover Peter's eyes!" Her accent came out thick between a giggle, and you felt a familiar burning in your cheeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

You rolled over in your bed to look at the time; 1:38 am. The game of 21 dares didn't last much longer after your kiss, and you all crashed on your bed. It was the climax of summer, so you wore only underwear and a tank top while you slept. Being sure not to wake anybody up, you climbed off of the bed, internally thanking your past self for choosing to lay on the side closest to the door. Grabbing a pair of pyjama shorts to slip on, you studied everyone's expressions to make sure they were all still asleep, and your eyes lingered on Carol's face for a bit too long. Peter wasn't there, he must've woken up earlier and gone back to his bedroom, you thought. Sighing, you walked out of the door. Even out in the hallway it was blisteringly warm, so you headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

The song Dancing Queen by ABBA has been stuck in your head for weeks, so you quietly sang it to yourself on your way to the living area. Once you got to the kitchen you closed your eyes, still singing, and began dancing in the space that you had. Minutes must have passed before you opened your eyes and saw Steve sat at the dining table. He didn't say anything, but instead took a long sip of the coffee he had. Without even flinching at his sudden appearance, you got your bottle of water, and walked out. As you passed him on the way, you leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"This never happened."

Instead of going back to your room, you headed straight towards the elevator, and made your way to the roof. Stepping out into the warm breeze, you walked closer to the balcony. You noted the clarity of the stars above you yet you saw the sun poking out from above the city skyline, and took a deep breath of the early morning air. Disturbing you from tranquility, the sound of the door behind you opening awoke you from your daze.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite earth human."

You turned and saw Carol stood in the doorway, holding two mugs of cocoa.

"Good morning, space alien. What're you doing up?" She walked over to you and handed you one of the mugs. No whipped cream and extra marshmallows, just how you like it. She knew you so well.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

Before you answered, you took in her appearance. Her short hair was messy as a result of her slumber, and she rocked a matching set of baby pink pyjamas.

"I guess I could say the same. I've had too much on my mind lately." You took a large gulp of your drink, ignoring the fact that its heat felt like molten lava was being poured down your throat. She hummed in response, looking out to the horizon. She turned to you with a frown, sighed, and then asked you a question. "What do you want to do in the future?" The question took you aback, but you knew what you wanted out of life, and you were comfortable telling her. As you thought of your future, you saw a wedding, maybe children, and a steady career.

"Well, once more heroes rise from the future ashes of the avengers, I want to settle down. Helping the earth, and the universe, is everything to me, so I want to work for as long as I can. It would be brilliant to meet somebody soon..." you took a breath, "and possibly fall in love. I don't know about kids, but having somebody to share my life with means the world to me. What about you?"

She was looking at you with such admiration, and you met her gaze. She smiled and turned back to the view, thinking hard. "I think I want to stay on earth." She put it more bluntly than you've ever heard her speak, and you were surprised with the answer.

"Seriously? You literally have super powers, have travelled to so many galaxies, fought the universes biggest threats, and are practically immortal. And at the end of the day, you really want to stay on this junk yard of a planet?"

She faked an offended look and punched you on the arm. "I have more friends of this junk yard of a planet than I do in the entire galaxy. And it's not every day that you get to spend the rest of your life with a group of misfits like us who only care about protecting people. After things have settled down in this realm, I want to stay here to protect my family." You smiled as she turned her head towards you. "And besides, this junk yard of a planet has a very amazing person on it who I'd never be able to get rid of, no matter where I decide to settle down."

You both laughed, and you finished your cocoa. "I'm going back to bed, I promised Natasha that I'd train with her tomorrow and God knows that I need the energy." You smiled and turned to walk away before she grabbed your wrist. Neither of you said anything, but words weren't needed. She pulled you into a hug in which you happily returned, and she gave you a small kiss on the forehead. You stayed like this for a while before you found your eyelids growing heavy. She let you leave for real, this time, and you fell asleep thinking about her.

☆☆☆☆☆

Two days later, you were sat in the conference room with all of the other avengers. Carol sat across the table from you, and you'd love to just stare at her for the entire meeting, but this was important. Somebody in New York had been committing a series of crimes. At first, it was small stuff like shoplifting or stealing somebody's bag on the street. But the longer they were left unnoticed, the bigger their crimes got. Yesterday, you had recieved information that five people were murdered in an attack in the Wall Street building. The criminal went by the name of Neeko, and he always left a note at the scene of the crime. All but one were addressed to the avengers - the note left at Wall Street was addressed to you, and you only. It soon became clear why; you knew all five people killed. One was a former colleague, another was a childhood friend, two of them went to college with you, and the last was your ex-boyfriend. Of course, you were distraught over all of these people being killed, but your determination to catch the killer overpowered your sadness. Steve was

leading the meeting, creating a plan as you went, and you perked up when you heard your name.

"In his last note, Neeko said that if y/n doesn't meet him in the warehouse on 42nd street tonight at 8pm, he'll be attacking one of the schools within the week." Steve looked directly at you. "There's no way that we can find out what school he could be targeting, so we're going to have to use you as bate?"

You nodded, feeling secure. Your family would never let anything bad happen to you, especially not in the hands of a serial killer.

"Now, I don't want to seem condescending, but are you sure you can do this, y/n?" The question came from Sam, who was sat at the opposite end of the table. You glared at him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked calmly, but with a hint of annoyance. They did this to you a lot; you were one of the younger in the group, and you were probably one of the weakest. They'd usually never put you in the centre of a mission, but it was a necessity this time around.

"I'm sure what Sam meant was that five people who are close to your heart have just been murdered." Steve sat in the empty chair next to you. "Are you sure you're stable enough to be put directly into the hands of the person who killed them?"

The wat he phrased it made you furious; they always doubt your abilities, and in this time where protecting your loved ones is more important than ever, they were hesitant to trust you. As soon as he asked you this, you stood up from your chair and stared directly at him.

"Stable? You're asking me if I'm 'stable' enough to be trusted?" You looked around at everybody else. Natasha ducked her head down, Bucky casually shielded his eyes with his hand, Tony gave you a sympathetic look; they all agreed with Steve.

You looked at Carol who gave you a small nod of approval, as if to say 'I wouldn't blame you if you burned down the entire avengers tower just from that remark.' Grabbing your jacket from the back of your chair, you walked out of the conference room. You heard Rhodey calling your name, but you weren't going to go back in there and be treated like a child. You and Carol had arranged to get brunch at 10:30, which was in an hour; you didn't know where you were going, but you were leaving the avengers tower. You needed a break.

Sitting down in a small red booth, you closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead. You went for a walk around the city before going to the diner, and once you were there, you were still far to annoyed to even think about eating. 60s music quietly rumbled from speakers on the walls and the smell of waffles and burgers clouded your thoughts.

"Y/n, are you okay?" You looked up and saw Carol who had just come from the tower. She sat down in the booth and placed her hand on top of yours, stroking the back of yours with her thumb. You sighed before giving her a weak smile.

"They don't think I can do it." You saw her nod, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

"It's not that they don't think you can do it, y/n. They know your abilities and how good you are under pressure, but a few of your friends have just died. They're worried that you might get a bit carried away, or worse."

Before you could reply, Carol got the attention of one of the waitresses and ordered a strawberry and cream waffle for you, and a root beer float for herself. You've both been to this diner so many times together that you each know exactly what you like. As soon as Carol turned back around, you started talking.

"That's the point. They're worried that I can't do my job, when we do this all the time. Every single one of us has been in a situation similar to this; where we've lost someone close to us and have to ignore how we feel, and continue to protect the world. Nobody would dare question Steve or Tony's judgement if they were in my position, so I don't see why they feel the need to question mine."

Carol looked surprised at everything you had just said, and it was clear that she didn't know how to reply. Before she could think of anything to say, you scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. You breathed in the sweet smell of her vanilla perfume and the fresh cotton scent of her tee shirt. She rubbed your back, and you pulled away.

"I have to do this. Not just for myself, or the school kids, or my friends that were killed, but for them. I'm going to smash this mission so hard that they'll never dare question my abilities again." You were both smiling, and Carol gave you a high five.

"That's my girl!"

☆☆☆☆☆

It was nearing 8pm. You, Steve, Bucky, Tony, Natasha and Carol stood outside of the warehouse on 42nd; bringing all of the avengers would seem suspicious, so Steve chose just the right amount of people to protect you and catch Neeko. They were all suited up, except for you. You weren't dressed in your dark purple latex suit, but the skirt and jumper combo that you had worn earlier in the diner. It was your idea; showing up in your suit would alert Neeko and his companions, and make them think that you were planning an attack. Wearing normal clothes would make it seem like you weren't planning anything. When you told Steve, he was impressed that you had come up with the idea, and happily approved. However, you were slightly regretting it now. Being without the suit that Tony had made for you and knowing that you could, possibly, be walking into your place of death gave you a wave of fear, but you brushed it off. You had to prove to the rest of the group that you were more than what they think, or at least you'll die trying.

All of the avengers wore black watches, but when closely inspected, were actually tracking devices. They each had a tiny button on the side that when pressed, would alert every other device of where you were. The button was only to be pressed when you knew you'd be in a certain place for a while, and/or you were in a lot of danger. The button was really only meant to be pressed by you, so the rest of the group knew when to come and get you and where you were. But if another avenger was in trouble and needed backup, they could use it too.

Steve started going over the plan. "As soon as y/n gives us the alert, we head inside. Carol and I will go in from the front and find her, Bucky and Nat will go in from the back to see if there are any hostages or prisoners there, and Tony will fly above the roof and use his scanners to find out how many people inside are working for Neeko."

He gave you a clap on the back. "Are you ready, y/n?" You looked up at him, took a deep breath, and nodded. You were more ready than you'd ever be. You checked the phone in the back of your pocket, which read 7:58pm, it was almost time. Everyone watched as you grabbed Carol's hand, interlaced your fingers, gave it a weak squeeze, and walked straight through the main doors of the warehouse.

Everything smelt damp, and the faint scent of machine oil lingered in the huge hall. You looked around, not seeing a single sign of life in the entire room. You calmly strolled through the warehouse, being sure to stay in the main hall and not get lost in any other rooms.

"Hello? Hellooooo!? Anybody home?" You called into the darkness, hoping somebody would walk out any second. You were about to turn around and make your way back out through the doors before somebody threw a sack over your head. You shouted at whoever was behind you, kicking your legs out in an attempt to knock them over. This failed, and you only aggravated your captor more. They grabbed your shoulders to hold you still, and another pair of hands appeared to tie your wrists together in front of you. The same person who tied your hands also did the same to your ankles, and you felt the familiar pain of rope burn against your wrists and ankles. You continued to shout and scream for help, but the two people who had tied you up had picked you up and carried you away.

When the sack was removed from your head, you were tied to a chair with thick black rope. You looked down at your wrists, and blood dripped down your forearms. Just by looking at your surroundings, you knew you were probably inappropriate storage room; you tried, but failed to reach the button of your tracking device, letting out an angry sigh. The only thing lighting up the room was an old lightbulb above your head, but you could still see what was on the floor surrounding you: bodies. People who you didn't recognize, their organs pooling out of their lacerated stomachs. Their eyes had been gouged out of their faces, and a thick, brown liquid dripped from their mouths. You screamed, not out of fear, but of anger. You shouted until your voice became hoarse and your eyes watered.

Not long afterwards, you heard the locks on the doors being undone. You sat up, preparing for some sort of mob boss to walk in with a set of weapons. Instead, a tall man wearing an apron walked in. He wore a shirt and jeans, a pair of black glasses resting on the bridge of his nose; you would've thought he was a normal person if it wasn't for the heavily blood stained apron he wore. What disgusted you the most was that he looked no older than Tony did. Following him was one of his companions, short and stocky, carrying a sizeable wooden box. Along with them, they brought the scent of blood and rotting bodies.

"It's nice to meet you, y/n." His voice was low and fitting to what you would expect a serial killers voice to be like; thick, eerie, and leaving a sour taste in your mouth. He walked over to you and bent down, examining your face.

"You're a monster."

He chuckled at your stern expression, and didn't reply. You squirmed and wriggled in your seat, desperate to break free and kick him in the balls. Instead of breaking free from the chair, you just caused yourself more pain. Blood continued to slowly drip past your wrists and onto your hands, coating your dainty fingers in pure red. Noticing how desperate you were to get out made him visibly frustrated, so he stood up and gave you a hard punch in the face. This was the hardest you've ever felt somebody punch you, and you've trained with Steve before.

Your ears started ringing and vision went blurry. He had, quite obviously, broken your nose. Blood poured out of your nose like a waterfall, and you could feel a bone sticking out of place. You groaned, sitting up straight in your chair. Although you weren't really listening, he began talking again, pacing around the room.

"I know you and your little group of superheroes have been getting my letters, and I have to say, I'm quite offended," he stopped and looked at you, "you never wrote back. I'm sure your angry, y/n, I really am. After all, I killed some of the people who you trust with your life, and I'm about to do more than just that."

You were confused by what he meant, before his companion handed him a laptop. He placed it on the floor in front of you, and you saw what appeared to be security camera footage of another room in the warehouse. Two people were tied up on chairs just like you, and it took you a moment to recognize who those two people were.

Your parents.

And before you could open you mouth to ask him why your parents were here, another figure appeared on the screen. It was him.

"How are you in two places at once?" You asked, seeming stupid. He laughed again, a low, broad chuckle.

"Oh, you silly girl, I'm not in two places at once. That was recorded half an hour ago." You put two and two together and realised that your parents were here half an hour ago, and the blood on his apron was fresh. You couldn't think of anything to say, so instead, you watched the video. You gasped when Neeko pulled out a knife, and screamed bloody murder when you saw him slit both your mother and your father's throats. You looked away, but he grabbed your head and forced you to see what happened to your parents. With the knife, he cut out their organs and their eyes, being sure to look into the camera every now and again. You were sobbing, your eyes were puffy and red, matching the crimson blood that covered the bottom half of your face.

"That's enough! I can't watch any more!" You screamed up at him, choking on your own sobs. He showed no pity as he flicked his fingers at his companion, who went and collected the wooden box. Neeko opened it in front of you, showing you a syringe full of clear, slightly yellow tinted liquid. Before you could scream for help, he had already put the needle to your neck and injected you with the serum. Your eyelids began to feel too heavy to keep open, and you fell into a deep slumber.

You woke to the sound of knives being sharpened. You were still bound to the chair, but were in a different room. It was much larger, with a few mahogany desks along one of the walls. Instead of paperwork being laid on top of the desk, there was a selection of knives, scissors and other surgical tools. You knew what was about to come, and you were prepared for the worst.

"If you're going to try and kill me then you've picked the wrong fight." Everything hurt as you spoke, but you meant what you said. The avengers would be worried by your lack of alert, and would come and find you. Any minute now, Steve and Carol were bound to break down the door and rescue you.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you, little girl." You hated him calling you that, you were in your mid early twenties but never treated like it, not even from the avengers.

"No, I'm not going to kill you. But what I am going to do is mess you up so badly that you'll never be able to fight with your precious friends ever again, and you'll live with the knowledge that you weren't strong enough to save your parents, and you weren't strong enough to save yourself." You spat at his face, which only made him laugh even more.

Turning his back to you, he picked up a knife from one of the desks. He walked over to you and sat down on an empty chair that you never even realised was beside you. Your legs were bare under your skirt, showing the most skin than any other part of your body. He placed the blade of the knife on the middle of your thigh and slowly pressed it in. You screamed, pure agony surging through you body. Hearing you scream only made Neeko want to continue, so the more you screamed the deeper her pushed the knife. Only the first half of the blade was inside of you, but you only realised how bad it was when you felt the cold metal hit your bone. He pulled the knife out and basked in the sound of your piercing screams. Just in fucking time, you heard a knock on the door. Who in the living hell would be knocking at the door while this was going on?

Neeko rose and went to answer the door. Only opening it slightly, he peered out at who was there. Then, you heard her voice.

"Pizza delivery, motherfuckers." She sent a photon blast directly to his face, and then another to his companion. She strode in, and as soon as she saw you she went pale. Your entire face, arms, thighs and ankles were drained in your own blood, and you were bound to a chair, panting. She ran over to you and broke the ropes with her own hands, and pressed the alert button on her watch. She knelt beside you, and once you were fully untied, you couldn't help but collapse directly on top of her. Your arms were draped over her back as she picked you up in a fire man's lift, walking out of the door to meet the other avengers.

☆☆☆☆☆

It had been 6 days since the night in the warehouse. After passing out, you were taken back to the tower by Carol, Bucky and Nat, where Bruce managed to identify and heal your injuries, to the best of his ability. Steve and Tony caught Neeko and his accomplices, turning them into S.H.I.E.L.D., their fate was to be decided by Nick Fury. It took you 3 days to wake up from your passing out; whatever they had injected you with keeps you asleep for longer, and they had put far too much in you. Once you had finally awoken, you used the next three days to recover in and out of bed, being forced to do mandatory small exercises to ensure your body was working perfectly. The sixth day was your first day fully out of bed, walking around the avengers tower. You needed crutches, as the wound on your leg wasn't big enough for stitches and had to recover independently. Additionally, you wore a small brace on your nose, so your bone could be shaped back into place. The only people you had seen since waking up were Bruce, Steve, and Peter. Steve had come to tell you everything that happened, and Peter came to see if you were okay. Bruce recommended no visitors until you were able to get out of bed, as it could over stimulate you, but Peter couldn't sleep knowing that you were in pain.

Carol left 3 days ago to return to her mission. She was the only person who you wanted to see; you had been through so much, and nobody could get you thought it better than her. Hobbling into the elevator, you went to the roof. You were wearing a onesie, courtesy of Wanda, and just wanted to be alone on the balcony to see the city like you and Carol had done a week ago. Once the elevator doors opened, you felt the chilly evening breeze hit your skin. Before you could step out of the elevator, you saw somebody stood on the balcony. You didn't recognize them at first, but they knew exactly who you were.

"Well well well, my favourite earth human seems to be doing quite well considering that she almost died last week."

Carol turned around and jokingly winced when she saw the state you were in, and you would've laughed if you weren't in complete shock.

"Carol..."

"Y/n."

"What are you doing? You shouldn't still be on earth." You made your way over to meet her on the balcony.

"I couldn't just leave you in a coma while I fight crime across the galaxy."

You laughed, and grabbed her hand, not a single worry crossing your mind.

"I love you, Carol. I have for ages, but I've never appreciated how much you mean to me until now." She smirked, raising a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"I love you too, y/n." You stood on your tip toes to kiss her, and she pulled back immediately when you did. You worried that you had done something wrong.

"It feels better to do this now that we're actually a couple." You both laughed as she leaned back into the kiss, but instead, she accidentally bonked your brace with her nose, which resulted in even more laughing.

You have been waiting so long for this.

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jaehyunsuh · 4 years

Text

back 2 u (am 01:27); jaehyun // part 2

part 1

"Whenever you need me

stop looking for me, however you want,

there's no room for you anymore,

this is already over."

series: songs for you🌃

REQUESTS ARE: OPEN

author's note: this was written from jaehyun's pov so it would be more interesting that way. I want to try different feelings and pov's with this series so i hope you like it ♡

—pairing: jaehyun x reader

—genre: au/ office! au ??/ friends to lovers/ fluff

—words count: 1.9k

summary: 2 months ago has passed since Jaehyun ended his relationship with his now ex girlfriend, Jessica . He really loved her a lot and even thought she was the girl that was gonna marry him and be together for a long time, but he was disappointed one more time. Jessica was a really nice girlfriend for some time, but after 2 years of relationship she changed. Jaehyun was so in love that thought it was romantic at first, but after many discussions and bad nights he found out it wasn't good for him and decided to end it, now she is begging to him to love her back but Jaehyun needs to find his own way... will he go back to her? Or will he move on and find someone else?

since the day Jessica told Jaehyun he was cheating on him he started to feel really hurt. Yes, he wanted to get out of that toxic relationship but he was still thinking about all the time she played with him and took advantage of him. The last phrase she said kept repeating in his head the countless nights he cried himself to sleep. He felt sad for her, Jessica seemed like such a nice and genuine girl that would love him no matter what, but at the end the money and status was more important.

also he felt sad for himself, what was wrong with him? Isn't he good enough? Is he not worth it? Is he just a pretty face? Those were the thoughts that consumed him every single night and day, making him disappointed, hopeless and lonely.

he was now free from that toxic relationship but things didn't end up being as happy as he thought, he felt empty and insecure about himself. He really needed someone that could truly love him and tell him everything was gonna be okay.

he now could go out with his friends but it wasn't how he imagined in the past. The few times they went out he would just drink until he was completely wasted and even cried a couple time. His friends tried to help him and make him feel better, but it wasn't enough, he needed something or someone that could bring a new energy and vibe to his life.

Jaehyun enters his office and places his jacket on the back of his chair. He doesn't know how has he been able to work and give good results on the recent months, he has been so distracted and upset that he doesn't even wants to get up of bed and go to work, but he does it anyway, gathering all of the energy he can. He starts working on his computer when he hears the door knock.

"Come in." He rolls his eyes, he really doesn't want to see anyone for the rest of the decade but he was to keep a nice attitude.

"Good morning Mr. Jung." Jaemin, one of the secretaries in the company, greets him with his characteristic wide smile. 'Does he never feels sad?' Jaehyun says to himself.

"Good morning Jaemin, how have you been?" Jaehyun smiles nicely, he can't be rude even if he tries his best.

"Great! Thanks for asking. Y/n come in!" A cute girl wearing a white buttons shirt, black pants that made her body look great and nice high heels. Jaehyun starts to feel sweat and feel a little flustered? Why is he being like this? He doesn't knows this girl.

"Mr. Jung, this is y/n your new assistant." She extends her hand to Jaehyun and he still startled but proceeds to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sir." She smiles.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Y/n." He is surprised by how nervous his voice sound and he feels lime y/n and Jaemin can see his sweat.

"Y/n is on her last year of marketing and she came here to experiment the whole environment of business." Jaemin explains excited.

"Well, i will leave you alone now, if you need anything just let me know." Jaemin smiles and walks out the door.

"Well, y/n welcome to the company! Everyone here is really nice and the pay is good!" The both laugh.

"It's cool that you wanted to be familiarized with part of your career, i will try to make your work easy as possible, i promise."

"Thank you Sir. I will work really hard and learn a lot from you." She gives a nice smile and Jaehyun feels how his heart starts beating faster.

"Oh, you don't have to call me sir! You can call me Jaehyun." He says unconsciously being flirtly.

"But in front of the big bosses just call me Mr. Jung. I'm not a sir, how old are you?" He asks confused.

"I'm 25."

"It's totally okay then, you are just two years younger than me." They both laugh and give love eyes to each other.

the past few weeks with y/n were great. Jaehyun wasn't what was happening but since had such a nice vibe he felt comfortable and happy whenever she was around. She was a really good worker as well, he made Jaehyun manage his time and schedule even better and helped him in tons of stuff and she did a great job.

He felt weird that since he met her, now he feels so motivated when he wakes up at 6am to go to work, and even on the days he has to stay late in the office, he isn't bothered anymore since he has such an a amazing company. He was starting to feel a lot better now, but he was afraid to get closer to y/n and open up to her since all of the previous situations. He really wanted to ask her out and take her on a date, get to know her better, but also, what if she thinks weird of him? What if she doesn't feels the same? At this point not even Jaehyun himself knows what's going on, but he likes it.

either way, there's tiny part of his heart that doesn't lets him, give an opportunity in love. He stills missed Jessica somehow, maybe not her, but all the past experiences and moments. Those couldn't get out his head and i was frustrating him so much, he was the one that decided it was the best to end that relationship but as soon as it happened he felt so lost that if Jessica came back saying sorry, as and idiot he would have forgive her. Thank god it didn't happen because he was going to make a fool out himself.

after 2 months of a difficult heartbreak and having a hard time, it's 1:27am and Jaehyun hears his phone ringing. He always leaves his phone on, and since it's friday night he is watching a movie so he is awake. He grabs the phone confused thinking about who could be calling him so late at night. His heart starts beating faster, he suddenly feels a little nauseous, nervous, he even feels like he is sweating cold.

his eyes open in surprise finding out the person calling is Jessica. A part of him doesn't wants to pick up and just ignore it, but a tiny part of him feels so nostalgic and lost that just wants to pick up and say 'yes, let's go back together'. He takes a deep breath a proceeds to take the call, wishing this goes our well for him, not making him do any mistakes.

"He-hello?" A sobbing voice can be heard from the other side of the phone. Jaehyun gulps and decides to talk back.

"Hi, Jessica?."

"Jae, I'm so sorry for being such a b*tch with you. I really everything i did and how i made you feel all those years. I was such an idiot for letting you go and throwing this whole relationship away." She says while still crying, Jaehyun felt like something was off from thia sudden call. At beginning he was a little excited ?? About it, but now it all seems weird. Did Jessica really changed suddenly?

"I'm sorry, but why are you calling me this late?" He asks expecting not to hear what he thinks.

"Oh yeah, i'm sorry. I've been crying all night and didn't even realize what time is it. Well, basically, my now ex boyfriend broke up with me." Jaehyun rolls his eyes and sighs annoyed.

"Jessica, do you think I'm a joke? I've been the best boyfriend i can for the past years and now you just come back to me just because you are now alone."

"Jae, baby, it's not like that. I just realized you are the right one for me." Jaehyun interrupts her.

"Jessica, goodbye. I'm sorry, but i can't keep like this." He lays in his bed and places his hands in his head out of frustration.

for the past few weeks Jessica has been calling every night, even sending texts and everything. Every single night Jaehyun feels more miserable and confused. Did Jessica really change and he should give her an opportunity? Or will she break his heart one more time? Those were the thoughts that were going on in his head daily, until he was having dinner with his coworkers and saw Jessica being really flirty and touchy with another guy at the other side of the restaurant.

he stares at his ringing phone again and he just keeps playing with it in between his hands thinking it he should answer or not. After hesitating for a while he answers and hears the voice of his ex girlfriend on his ear.

"Jae."

"Jessica, stop it. Don't try to look like a victim, like you regret it all, i saw you a couple days ago on a date with a guy. Do you think i deserve this? What goes on with you that you want to keep playing with people's heart. I'm sorry but I'm not going back to you." He hangs up the phone before even letting her talk again and stares at the ceiling one more time trying to composed his confused mind.

he goes back to the office on friday, with no energy of showing a nice attitude to anyone and not wanting to see anyone either. He is sitting in his desk chair, when he sees the beautiful honey eyed girl entering the door, he feels how his whole body, mind and mood flips upside down and he can't help but laugh to himself.

maybe love wasn't that hard, he met y/n a moth ago and even if it seemed rushed, he felt already so happy whenever she was around. He spent many night confused between if he should give Jessica an opportunity or if he should ask y/n out. He felt dumb for even considering having something with Jessica once again when y/n just demonstrated to be the nicest girl ever.

"Jaehyun, are you feeling okay?" Y/n looks at him worried, trying to figure him out.

"Uhm, no, no. I mean yes! Why? What do you mean?" Y/n smiles at seeing her boss being so funny without wanting to. He laughs back when he realizes the beautiful smile he has in front of him.

"Nothing, you just looked a little bit down, that's it."

"No, don't worry it's nothing. I just didn't felt so good last night." He gives a warming smile and y/n nods.

everyday with y/n felt great, but today was a little bit different. He felt like a teenage that was flustered because his crush noticed him. When y/n asked if he was okay, he felt a whole zoo in his stomach. How could she be so perfect by doing so little stuff? After a few hours of just talking about work, Jaehyun suddenly felt like saying something to y/n.

"Y/n?"

"Yes, Jaehyun?"

"Why if you let me take you on a date and i tell you why was i feeling down?" Jaehyun bites his lower lip playfully but also feeling nervous to see if she was going to accept his proposal.

"Wow, Jaehyun, i don't even know what to say." She laughs and her cheeks start turning red, and Jaehyun finds it adorable.

"Yes, i would love to go on a date with you, so we can talk about a few more things as well." Y/n's mood suddenly turned a little bit flirty and teasing which definitely let Jaehyun be even more excited about tonight.

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jokerhappylover · 4 years

Text

With Arthur when he gets fired

You usually get up from bed feeling lazy and today wasn't different. It was about 8 AM, you woke up still feeling kind of tired, then you went to the kitchen to prepare your breakfast. After eating you went back to your bedroom to watch the news.

Subway murders. That was the fisrt new. It happened last night at Wall Street's subway station, the victims were three young men, and the most curious thing about it was that the suspect was someone wearing a clown make up or mask.

You fisrt got worried when you heard the word "murders", it's really sad and worrying that things like that happen in the city, but at the clown part you just heard yourself saying "what?", like, was that what they actually said?... Sometimes you think that you've seen everything in Gotham, especially crimes, Gotham was a rough and violent place unfortunately, but a killer clown? That's new.

Speaking of clowns, you had to start getting ready to work or otherwise you could get late. You worked at Haha's as a party clown, your clown name was 'Lovely', you wore pink clothes and make up, and pink roller skates, the children loved your character and you usually had someone else with you at the parties and places you'd visit. Carnival, his clown name was Carnival. The person under the make up was your favorite person at Haha's, Arthur Fleck.

You got ready and left the house, and you had no choice but taking the subway, it was something that you did everyday but today it felt a little different.

You arrived at Haha's, you got there a little later than usual, but no one seemed to notice, your boss Hoyt was at his office and the rest of the guys didn't even see you entering the place. All of your coworkers seemed already there. Randall was half-dressed as a clown and sitting with Gary, and other guys were around a small table drinking coffee. Then you see Arthur near the lockers, you were already wondering if he hadn't come yet, but he was there, and seeing he was there already made you feel better, he was speacil, unfortunately the clowns at Haha's wouldn't treat him so well.

You started putting your things on a table and you hear noises of things falling, when you look around you see some of Arthur's things on the floor, you first thought that maybe they had fallen from his locker, but then you realized he was taking them from the locker by dropping them on the floor, did something bad happened? Why was him doing that? Maybe it was nothing but you had a bad feeling, you were worried about him.

Then you heard Gary saying "Hey Art, I heard what happend - I'm sorry man". Gary seemed a good person and it was nice from him to say that, but you was just getting more worried, what happened after all?!?!

Then Randall says "Yeah, doesn't seem fair, to get fired like that"... WHAT? FIRED? You couldn't believe those words. Why?! How?! No, please no!! It couldn't be real, your eyes were already watering.

Arthur looked hard at Randall for a moment. Randall had always treated Arthur like if he liked him, saying Arthur was his boy and stuff but he didn't sound so real, it didn't sound like he actually cared Arthur got fired, and you were already thinking he was being fake, not only now but all this time. Maybe it wasn't nice from you to think that about other people, but Arthur had so many nicknames there, they would make fun of him... You didn't like the way he was treated for no reason.

Arthur kept cleaning his locker out, now he was stuffing all of his clown gear into a brown shopping bag. You were feeling so bad, it hurted even more to see him taking all him stuff to leave... Forever... It was almost too bad to be true.

Then one of the clowns said "Did you really bring a gun to the children hospital? Why would you do that for?" Wait, what? A gun? What's even going on here? You were getting confused and more worried.

Then you hear "So is that part of your act? If your dancing doesn't do the trick, you just gonna shoot yourself?" and a lot of laughters. The guys there were so rude and ignorant, not even when Arthur gets fired they would stop making fun of him.

Then Arthur finally says something.

"Why don't you ask Randall about it? It was his gun."

"What?" Randall said.

"I still own you for that, don't I?" Arthur answered.

Wait, you remembered of something. Some days ago while you were getting into your clown look, Arthur was sitting next to the lockers alone and Randall came, and you saw him giving something to Arthur, he laughed, it seemed like Arthur didn't want to accept it and it was a secret between them. Was that it? A gun? It all seemed to make sense.

Randall didn't like what Arthur said, he seemed really upset about it and asked Arthur to stop, he was already leaving and made a noise with his trumpet and dropped it.

You were so upset about all this situation.

Arthur came back saying "Oh no, I forgot to punch out!" and literally punched the clock and it fell on the floor, Arthur laughed. It was obvious that he wasn't okay, but you loved his attitude and couldn't help but smile after he did that and give a little laugh.

But it was a serious situation, and you were already at Arthur's side, you've always been. You take his trumpet and follow him.

He's already outside the building. "Arthur!!", you call him. He stops walking and looks at you, you got closer, with a sad look at your face. .

You show him his trumpet which he had left behind, you were giving it back to him like if he had forgotten it.

"You left this" You said. You didn't even know what words to say, you knew that he left it behind on purpose, you just wanted to be there for him, you wanted him to know that he was not alone, you were on his side

He looks at it for a second, takes it saying "Thank you" and put it in the bag. "But I guess I don't need these things anymore." he said.

You were really upset at Randall and the rest of the clows for acting like they did, but the most important thing to worry about was Arthur, and it made you really sad to think of how he was fired while being such a good clown. You just loved seeing him dancing, he was the cutest and best clown you've seen, and also the fact that he said he was always told his purpose in life was bringing joy and laughter to the world, and he knew since he was a a little boy that he wanted to be a comedian, and he's always put so much energy in bringing happiness... His story as a part clown couldn't end like that.

"Don't say that. This is not the end of the story, Arthur, we're gonna solve this problem."

He looks at you for about three seconds. He seemed to feel like you cared about him, but wasn't sure or didn't know why, he didn't have anyone close to him, someone to support him, so that was kind of unusual to him.

"Y/N... I'm fired, okay? I messed up and I'm fired, it's over."

"No, it's not. I'm not gonna let this end like that." you gave a pause and completed "I can talk to Hoyt and..." he interrupted you.

"He would never hire me back, he was really angry and yelling at me when he fired me after the children hospital thing. I'm 100% fired". He seemed hopeless. "I'm a party clown with A GUN" he completed.

"You mean Randall's gun?"

He just looks at you, like if he was surprised by the fact that believed him, that he wasn't alone.

You take a breathe and says "Look... I know it was his gun, he gave the gun to you, didn't he? I saw everything, I know it's all Randall's fault".

He just looks at you once again, this time with a little smile/smirk at his face, starting to realize you two were together at this, you two against them. Then he looks at something behind you, you turn around and you see Randall next to you, he came right at the moment when you said that.

"Nice, Y/N is on your side! Look Arthur, what was all that about? Why would you say that?" Randall said.

"What?" Arthur asked

"That it was my idea about the gun. That subway situation ain't no joke, you know, they got sketches of clowns on front of every newspaper-" Randall answered.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Randall" Arthur said.

Randall answered with "Right. Okay. I just want to make sure you got your head on straight".

Arthur looked at him and smiled. "My head's right there" he said.

Randall nodded saying "Good, I don't even know if you did it but there's no need to draw any attention to yourself. Y'know? Or we both are in trouble".

Arthur asked "What are you worried about? You didn't commit the crime at the subway did you?"

"Of course I didn't" Randall answered.

"You didn't shoot one point blank in the head, the other one twice in the chest, before chasing the third one down and shooting him three times in the back, right?" Arthur completed. He gave so many details that worried/scared you a little bit.

Arthur puts his fingers forming a gun to Randall's head, and stares straight at him. Then he leaves singing 'Send in the Clowns'. You've never seen him like that, it was like a mix of being upset and confident at the same time... something feels different. He seemed so upset about all that, it made you really sad, you'd definitely do something about it.

Randall just looks at you, he doesn't really know what to do or say, only hopes you don't do anything against him.

Then Hoyt leaves the building too and found you and Randall, also sees Arthur, already far from Haha's building. While you watch Arthur far away, slowly disappearing, you hear him asking "Why are you two here when you both should be inside the building, already in full clown look? What's going on here?"

"Nothing." Randall answers and enters the building again.

"What about you, Y/N? What you doing here? You didn't even put your clown clothes yet or started applying you make up" Hoyt asks you. You don't even know what to say.

"I was.. I was just... Trying to figure out what happened to Arthur..." You answered.

"Well, not your business. Now go get ready" he answered, he's usually not patient.

"I'm sorry Hoyt, but I have to talk to you about it. Arthur didn't do anything wrong sir. I know what happened but it wasn't his fault, it was Randall's gun"

"Look Y/N, blaming Randall in order to defend Arthur is ridiculous. I get if you two are friends but to be against Randall because he told me more about Arthur is wrong of your part, you know that."

"What did Randall told you?"

"Arthur tried to convince me it was a prop, but that's bullshit, and also, Randall told me Arthur tried to buy a .38 off him last week"

"No he didn't! He didn't buy it, he didn't even want the gun-"

"Y/N, stop it. Don't make me fire you too."

You felt almost hopeless... He just doesn't listen. But then you hear yourself say:

"Well... If you're not going to give Arthur a second chance, then fine, fire me. We two or any of us."

That was wild and risky... You knew that your clown was children's favorite, also, the only roller skater clown, and for those reasons you were important and you belevied maybe Hoyt wouldn't want to fire you, you were very good at what you do and it'd be hard to find another clown like you, but in fact you were risking losing your job, but it was for Arthur, you did that for him, and for you too 'cause you were tired of Hoyt, Randall and all the rest of the people at Haha's.

"This is ridiculous Y/N." he said.

"It's up to you to decide. But if Arthur is really fired, I am leaving too". Your heart was racing while saying that.

Hoyt didn't know what to do, he didn't want to loose the only roller skater clown, also the most successful one, but he would not give Arthur a second chance. He lost his temper and gave you his answer.

"Okay, if that's how you want it, fired."

You close you eyes, take a breathe and answers "Okay" with a little smile on the face, not sure if it's a positive or sad one.

Then you entered the building, took your stuff and left the place to go home. You had just lost your job, it was for a good cause and you were proud of standing up for Arthur, but you knew you loved being a clown and it'd be hard to find another job like that, it'd be hard to simply find another job.

At home you tried to call Arthur during the afternoon but he didn't pick up, so you tried later at night.

"Y/N?" He finally picked up.

"Hey Arthur, how are you?". You didn't even know how you'd tell him what you did.

"I'm calling to tell you that I talked to Hoyt". You completed.

"You did? And how did it go?" he asked you

"I... I'm... Fired too". You answered

"What?". He thinks it's his fault, he knew that talking to Hoyt wouldn't solve the problem, but he couldn't believe you had lost your job because of that, and he felt guilty.

"Y/N, I... I'm sorry if I made that happen, this is really unfair, you didn't had anything to do with this, why would Hoyt do that? I-" he completed. He couldn't believe it ended up like this to you, and it sounded like he was upset or/and angry at himself because he thought it was his fault, you defend him and gets fired too.

"No Arthur, it's not your fault!! I made him fire me". you said

"You.. You what?" He doesn't understand why you'd do that, he's confused

"I told him that if he wasn't going to give you a second chance, he would had to fire me too. I made him choose between me AND you or none of us".

Arthur stays quiet for 2 or 3 seconds, he couldn't believe you actually did that for him. Then he says "W-why? Why would you do that? Y/N... You lost your job because of me!"

"I know, and I did this because I'm on your side, and I'm tired of Hoyt and all those guys being like that, and of all these unfair situations. And we WILL gonna find another job, another agency or something like that, okay? Together"

"Y/N, I... No one has ever done something like that for me or even supported me, I don't know what to say... Thank you so much".

You smiled at him and said "Maybe we could even do some presentations at the streets until we find a job. What do you say, Carnival?"

"I think it's a great idea, Lovely!"

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