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crystxlclear · 2 years

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sudden desire

chapter eighteen: lights will guide you home

part nineteen of sudden desire

pairing: marcus pike x original female character (coraline meyer)

word count: 1.7k

warnings: angst? pining? brief mentions of alcohol, pregnancy, infertility, the usual for this fic!

author’s notes: y’all i’m sorry 😶

She should be happy. She really should be.

But she’s not.

People move around her, drinks in hand, smiling and laughing and dancing to the music that rings through the space. But she’s sitting in the corner, pretending she’s just tired. Bea is curled up on her knee, her cheek pressed against her chest, half-asleep and exhausted at the late hour.

An engagement party had seemed like a good idea at the time. Everyone had been so enthusiastic about it, especially James’ sister. They’d planned this beautiful party for her and for James, and she’s grateful — really, she is — but she’d spent most of the night sitting in the corner cradling Bea as the excitement of the day caught up with her.

Fairy lights blink overhead — stars in a still, empty ink sky — the trees, tall and willowy, green and full, sway in the gentle breeze. The air smells like blossoms and grass, the comforting honeysuckle of a midsummer’s night. Roses dot the courtyard and ivy climbs up stone walls and across a stone arch, from which pictures of James and Coraline hang on fine string. It’s beautiful, all that she could ever wish for, but something seems wrong, and she can’t quite place it.

James had been rushing around trying to catch up with all his family from out of town. He comes from a big family: more cousins than he could count, at least five aunts and uncles on each side. It had been hopelessly overwhelming by the fifth relative, and Coraline had forgotten half their names in her panic. She came from a small family — her mom was an only child, and her dad had only one brother and a sister — and barely any faces to recognise at Christmas parties.

“Corrie.” Her father’s voice is fond when it calls over the music floating on the breeze. His hand brushes over her bare shoulder, familiar and comforting. The stiffness in her shoulders — a tensing of her muscles she hadn’t even realised had been there — melts away at the sound of his voice.

Her father settles in a chair beside her. He sits there for a moment, both of them in silence, and taps his foot along to the gentle melody of a song she doesn’t recognise. It sings of happiness and love, but it seems too distant.

“Where’s Marcus?” He asks, after a moment.

Marcus.

His name sends an ache through her heart.

She takes a sharp breath in through her nose.

“He had to work.”

It’s not a lie, on her part. That’s what he’d told her when she’d invited him; maybe he was lying, but he’d never really lied to her before. Not intentionally, not about anything like this.

They’ve barely seen each other lately, and when they do it’s almost not the same. Not at first. Eventually, they melt into that familiar ease they’ve had since the day they met. She doesn’t know what’s changed between them — there’s nothing, not on the surface, and he swears she’s not done anything to upset him — but the air isn’t the same. They’re not the same. But at least they talk; those few weeks when he’d neglected her phone calls had been dreadful.

Her father hums and taps his fingers against his knee. The courtyard is dappled with white roses; Coraline slips the petals of one between her fingers, letting the silk brush over her fingers. “How are you doing, Corrie?”

Cora hums. How is she doing? She realises she has no idea.

And, even if she did, she’s not sure she’d know how to put it into words.

“I’m fine,” slips out instead.

She can’t tell if her father scoffs or if he laughs. Maybe it’s both.

His eyes are fixed on Kimmy and Daniel, who twirl around the makeshift dance floor, grinning wildly. It’s more of an uncoordinated swaying than a dance. Her mother cuts an elegant figure across the floor, the blue satin of her dress flowing behind her like a gentle wave on the ocean, with Elliot in her arms. His head rests against her shoulder, his weary eyes drooping. Everyone looks so happy. So content.

“Mind if I see the ring?” Her father asks. It almost comes out of the blue.

Coraline smiles. She uncurls her left hand from around Bea and holds it out for her father to inspect the engagement ring that sparkles on her ring finger.

It’s beautiful. It really is. Thin, silver, studded with so many diamonds. It must have cost James a fortune. She’d gasped when she’d seen it, nestled into a small velvet box, prominent against the deep fabric. Her father hums, lifting his chin in approval, as he brushes his thumb over her ring. “He did good,” he notes.

She lets out a little half-sigh and smiles the best she can. She’s still not sure why she’s not happy. She’s still not sure why she can’t bring herself to smile. She doesn’t mean to sigh as she watches James dancing with his mom in the far corner of the courtyard. He’s grinning - delirious with happiness, almost - and, every so often, he looks over to check on her and Bea. Sometimes, he sweeps by, brushes hair back from both their faces and offers her a glass of champagne or a slice of cake. He’s lovely he really is.

“It’s a shame Marcus couldn’t be here,” her father insists. His voice sounds far off. A smile plays on his lips.

Oh.

“How long have you known?”

Her father brushes his thumb over her ring, once again. He doesn’t answer. “It really is a beautiful ring.”

“Dad,” she whispers. Her words exhale in a breath, floating on the breeze. Her dad drops her hand and pulls his gaze back forward towards the crowd. He stares out, longingly. Like he’s searching for someone or something, or the right words, or whatever it is that’s stuck in his throat. He looks so much like Coraline, sometimes she sees far too much of herself in him.

“About five minutes after I met him.” He watches her. “How long have you known?”

Coraline almost has to stifle a laugh. She chews at her lip and shivers in the cool night air. “I love James.”

“I know.” Another silence stretches on and on and on. Her heart beats out of her chest. So hard against her ribcage that it almost hurts.

She loves James. She does. Really, truly, she does. And she loves Bea - this little girl who trusts her so much that she’ll curl up in her lap and sleep, even in the middle of a party - loves her like she’s her own. And she could be; at least, that’s what James had suggested, now her mom can’t be around so much. It breaks her heart, that she’d leave such a sweet girl, pretend she doesn’t matter even though she has her hair and her eyes and her smile.

Coraline can’t imagine ever abandoning something so precious.

“James’ sister did a great job,” her father insists.

“Yeah.” Her voice is airy, light, a dandelion seed on the breeze, as she watches the twirling figures - dancing in silk, gossamer and petals - move to the music. It’s like something out of a daydream, a novel filled with faeries and magic, romance and wonder.

It all feels so heavy, inside her.

“I’m surprised Loren had no hand in this.”

“She did,” she whispers, “The flowers, all of the flowers.”

But Maisie has been sick lately and Loren’s been worried, terrified, even. She’s been stuck at home with a sick toddler who cries more than she sleeps and refuses her medicine. She’d tried to help and welcomed the distraction, but the toll of it all broke her before she could finish her work. Maisie is better now - finally taking the medicine she needs - but Loren still looks wistful and far away as she and her boyfriend, Ward, dance to Fix You by Coldplay, her cheek resting against his broad shoulder.

He works long days and, sometimes, nights. A doctor in the ER, and damn good at it too. She sees the toll it takes on them both; Loren, alone, all day with a baby and Ward at the hospital, alone, all day, without them. He’d quit if he didn’t love it. She’d ask him to quit if she didn’t love him.

The weight on Coraline’s chest presses harder. Her breath shakes.

It’s all so stupid. Ridiculous. Pathetic. That she has everything, all she could ever want; a love, a fiancé who would give her the moon, a girl who might one day think of her as her mother. A career, a life, great friends, amazing family. Everything, everything, everything. And so many have nothing.

But all she wants and all she can’t have eats her alive. Night after night, keeps her away. Lurks in the shadows, presses up at her windows. Haggard faces and mournful ghosts, suffering and crying and endless. She’s so cold when she should be hot and it’s not right.

She doesn’t want the moon.

Maybe she wants the sun, instead.

“Want anything to eat, sweetheart?” He asks and ducks to kiss the top of her head. She’s so far away, she almost doesn’t hear him. He sees her face, the melancholy. Knows her too well for her to hide it. He watches as Bea shuffles in her lap and tucks her head further into the crook of Coraline’s arms. She hums and mutters softly in her sleep. So carefree, so peaceful.

“Dad-” She whispers.

“I’ll grab you some pizza. Veggie?” He chuckles to himself. “Of course, veggie. Stupid question.”

“Dad-”

“Do whatever feels right for you, Corrie.” He lifts his drink to her. A silent toast. The amber of his whiskey glitters in the moonlight. “Whatever you choose, it’ll be the right thing.”

taglist: @wheresthewater @its--fandom--darling @alberta-sunrise @sara-alonso @freeshavacadooooo @giselatropicana @thorins-queen-of-erebor

#marcus pike x coraline meyer #marcus pike x original character #marcus pike x oc #marcus pike x original female character #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x female character #marcus pike x female reader #sudden desire

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crystxlclear · 3 years

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#wicked game #coming soon #wicked game inspo

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crystxlclear · 3 years

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i had a great idea for a casillero del diablo fic no one look at me

#casillero del diablo #the thief

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crystxlclear · 3 years

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I love "sudden desire" with every fiber of my being but please, please tell me those two will get their head out their ass because the pining is slowly killing me, I swear! Every time I read a new chapter, it's like I'm about to explode for the anticipation and really, you are incredible at that! ❤️

ahhh thank you! it means the world ❤️

i can neither confirm or deny … but i will say sudden desire has a happy ending of sorts … take of that what you will hehehehe

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crystxlclear · 3 years

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sudden desire

chapter seventeen: i’m single and incapable of mingle

part eighteen of sudden desire

pairing: marcus pike x original female character (coraline meyer)

word count: 1.8k

warnings: angst! brief mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage

author’s note: i’m so so so sorry i’ve been awol; i’ve been looking for a new flat and i swear every free moment has been wasted on that! i also know this chapter isn’t too long so i apologise that it’s not entirely worth the wait!

She asks him one night over a movie.

Coraline had picked it — some new horror film she’d wanted to watch, and is definitely upset she never got to audition for, though she’ll never admit that as she watches the actress’ unhinged performance in awe — and he’d made dinner for them both, for the first time in a while, because they’d eaten enough takeout to last anyone a lifetime.

“Did you like him?” She questions. It’s sudden, and out of the blue, the moment the credits start to roll and she’s broken free of the hold the movie had her in. “James, when you met him?”

Marcus nods. Just once. “He’s nice.”

Cora’s teeth worry her bottom lip. “But did you like him?” She repeats, with far more urgency. She leans to place her plate on the coffee table, and turns her entire body towards him.

“Cora, why does it matter?” He mirrors her movements. Places his plate on the coffee table and turns all the way towards her. It’s impossible for either of them to avoid the other’s gaze. Marcus leans his arm against the back of the sofa.

“I need you to like him,” she whispers, dropping her eyes to her hands.

“Of course I like him.”

Her shoulders drop in relief. “He asked me to marry him,” she tells him. But she can’t bring herself to look up at him.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck.

He sucks in a deep breath, as quietly as he can, so that she can’t hear him. “Coraline, that’s incredible!” He insists. He feels as if he’s just been punched in the gut a thousand times; as if he’s just been told he’s dying. Maybe he is.

It feels like he is.

Coraline lets out a soft exhale through her nose. “Is it?” She manages to glance up at him but it’s a half-hearted stare. There’s conflict in her eyes.

“Is it not?” Marcus’ brows pinch together.

Coraline presses her palm to her forehead and sighs. “He doesn’t want any more kids.” She sighs.

“And you do.”

Cora’s shoulders fall. “I can’t have kids, Marcus.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I have six miscarriages to show for it. I do know that,” she insists.

There’s a beat of silence. Coraline’s gaze falls back to her hands.

“Did you say yes?” Marcus’ question comes as a whisper.

She chews at her lower lip, soi hard that he’s surprised she doesn’t draw blood. The remnants of that day’s lipstick have faded almost beyond recognition, to barely a chewed smudge of colour across her lip. “I said I would think about it.”

“Just make sure you’re sure, okay?”

“I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“Oh, Sunshine, of course I’m happy for you,” Marcus insists, drawing himself closer to Cora and her drawn figure. He reaches up and brushes a thumb over her cheek, drawing a blush across her skin. Her face feels flush to the touch and he watches her; searches her eyes for any sign of reluctance or worry or concern, for any sign of certainty at the thought of marrying James. “I just want you to be sure of what you’re giving up.”

She watches him, too. She watches him right back.

Because it isn’t as if she hasn’t thought about it. About what it all means.

I’m giving up on you. You and any future we have.

It’s all she could think about the night he proposed. It kept her up all night, for hours and hours and hours, hours that seemed to stretch on for days. All she could think about was him. Him and what they have - or, rather, that they almost had. For those few months, living in blissful domesticity, like each others’ house was their home. That unspoken agreement between them.

Maybe there was more there that she’d been too blind to see. Maybe there’s still more there, lingering deep within them. Unflinching and persistent.

Maybe in another life.

Maybe in some other time.

Another sigh. It rattles her bones, nearly breaks her ribs in its intensity. There are tears in her eyes; she tries not to let them fall, tries to forbid them from tumbling down pale cheeks and onto her dress. But, still, they fall. “Well, I have Bea and Piper-“ She tells him. She can’t seem to break away from his stare; even when she blinks, those few moments of darkness that obscure the sight of his coffee-coloured eyes, she still feels the weight, the searing, burning heat of his gaze on her face. He brushes away her tears, like he always does.

He settles her against his chest, like he always does. And Coraline falls into him, lets his embrace consume her, like she always does. And he kisses her head, like he always does.

There’s something to be said for consistency, but sometimes she worries that it hurts them more than it helps.

They could stay this close forever, in a limbo, but it would be good for neither of them.

“Coraline-” He cuts her off before she tries to justify herself. “-if you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

And he is - and he will be - happy for her. But his heart is still breaking, all the same.

…

He’s not sure how he ended up pouring his heart out to Loren Hull, but over the last few weeks he’s spent hours waxing lyrical about how he’s definitely, definitely, definitely not still in love with Coraline Meyer.

They’d run into each other at the grocery store — he’d been buying salad, because despite her lack of culinary skill Cora would kill him if she found out he wasn’t eating his greens at work; Loren had been buying the same, and ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream — and, after the topic of Coraline’s recent engagement had been raised between her two best friends, she’d noticed the way his smile faltered. She’d prodded and poked at him, insisted he tell her why he looked so horrified at the idea, even despite him saying he’s okay.

He’s sure she already knew — maybe Coraline knows too, and she’d been the one to tell her that, ask her how to handle it when someone loves you but you don’t feel the same — but maybe she just wanted some confirmation.

He’d told her that he thinks James is great; he is, and he’s good for Coraline. He makes her feel special and loved and she smiles when she talks about him. And that’s what she deserves, someone who loves her. But Loren had promised that she never smiles with James as much as she does with Marcus.

He’d never noticed before.

Though he’d only met him twice.

It had almost been enough to inspire false hope.

Rationally, though, cynicism had won out and he’d realised that he was stuck pining after his best friend. His best friend who definitely, definitely, definitely didn’t feel the same way. He can live in a fantasy and pretend he doesn’t love her so much his heart aches at the mere sight of her, or even that maybe she feels the same way and someday she’ll kiss him and say that it’s been him all along.

Both sound like terrible ways to die. But they sound better than living with the reality.

She knocks on his door at 8pm with a sleeping Maisie in her stroller. There’s a scowl on her face as he opens the door - half-hoping he’ll see Coraline, but knowing he probably won’t - and it almost strikes fear into his soul. She doesn’t even wait for an invite, just pushes Maisie’s stroller through the open door and turns to Marcus with her hands on her hips.

“What’s wrong?” He questions as he clicks the door closed.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was here to hit him. But he steps back regardless, in his best attempt to avoid her wrath.

“What’s wrong?” She snaps, still scowling. “Coraline. That’s what’s wrong.”

Marcus freezes. Dread washes over him. “Is she okay?”

Loren crosses her arms. “You haven’t spoken to her in two weeks, Marcus.”

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. He needs a haircut - it’s all too unruly, a mess of curls over his ears - but he’s been so distracted lately, throwing himself recklessly into his work, that he just can’t bring himself to find the time. “She’ll be happier without me,” he murmurs, after a while.

“Will she?” She snaps, “Because she seemed pretty fucking miserable yesterday.”

He groans and sits on the arm of his couch. His head drops into his hands. “I just-”

Words seem to die on his tongue.

“Look-” Loren bends over to check on Maisie for a moment, repositioning her blanket before stepping away from the sleeping toddler. She stands in front of Marcus with her hands on her hips. “-I know how you feel about her- and god knows it can’t be easy- but come on.”

Words still fail him. He runs a hand over the stubble on his jaw. He groans and drops his head.

Loren pokes him in the arm with her elbow, urging him to shuffle over to allow her space on the couch arm. She perches beside him. “She does love you, Marcus,” she tells him, patting his leg. “I swear she does.”

“I know-” He inhales sharply through his nose. “-but not like I love her.”

“Are you kidding me?” She chuckles. “I’ve known her since kindergarten, and I’ve seen her fall in love before-”

“Don’t, please.” He sighs. “I can’t- I just need to move on.”

“But moving on doesn’t mean ignoring her.”

“I don’t mean to,” he groans.

“Call her,” Loren insists. She hears Maisie stirring, shuffling around inside her stroller, and reaches out to rock the buggy back and forth gently, to lull her back to sleep. The shuffling stops after a few moments of languid rocking. “Just one phone call.” She prods him in the side. “I know you miss her, too,” she urges.

He misses her so much that it’s almost painful. Life without Coraline Meyer is fucking miserable, it’s not one that he wants to live. He’s putting himself through this horror in the name of self-preservation, in some ridiculous attempt at avoiding a third heartbreak, because he seems to have this habit of falling in love with the wrong women. With those who don’t love him back, those who can’t love him the way he wants, the way he loves them.

He’s beginning to wonder if it’s just a burden he has to bear, for the rest of his life.

Maybe he can endure it for a while, if it means keeping Coraline in his life.

He’ll call her again in the morning, invite her out for coffee and an apology, and pretend like the goddamn love of his life has never been anything more than a friend.

taglist: @wheresthewater @its--fandom--darling @alberta-sunrise @sara-alonso @madslorian @freeshavocadoooo @giselatropicana @thorins-queen-of-erebor

#sudden desire #marcus pike x coraline meyer #marcus pike x oc #marcus pike x female character #marcus pike x fem!oc #marcus pike x reader

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crystxlclear · 3 years

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Okay.. so suppose you’re a fanfiction writer….

And I’m a fan of your stories…

would it be alright to bribe you with a fanart that i made,

so I can read the next chapter?

:) just asking…. but srsly tho… can you bribe a fanfiction writer with fanart of their stories?

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crystxlclear · 3 years

Text

sudden desire

chapter sixteen: why do i do this?!

part seventeen of sudden desire

masterlist

word count: 2.7k

warnings: none really? alcohol consumption, i guess!

Keep reading

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crystxlclear · 3 years

Text

sudden desire

chapter sixteen: why do i do this?!

part seventeen of sudden desire

masterlist

word count: 2.7k

warnings: none really? alcohol consumption, i guess!

Keep reading

#morning reblog

11 notes · View notes

crystxlclear · 3 years

Text

sudden desire

chapter sixteen: why do i do this?!

part seventeen of sudden desire

masterlist

word count: 2.7k

warnings: none really? alcohol consumption, i guess!

If Coraline hadn’t practically begged him, there was absolutely no way in hell that Marcus would have agreed to a double date.

It was an utterly ridiculous idea; James’, apparently, but even Coraline had struggled to hide her smile when she’d told him about their plans for the next evening. She’d looked at him with those eyes, eyes he can scarcely resist, telling him about James’ friend, who he’d definitely like, and how he was coming on a double date with them, regardless of whether he wanted to or not. He hadn’t even had a chance to protest before she pouted and batted her eyelids, muttering a high-pitched, drawn-out ‘please’, his hand perched between hers. She’d pressed the back of his fingers to her cheek and looked up at him with those bright eyes and, right there and then, he’d agree to anything she asked of him.

He can never resist her. She has that effect on him every time.

His hand curves around her cheek and he brushes his thumb along the high point of her cheekbone. She sighs happily, a lazy smile playing at her lips, and buries her face deeper into his touch. “Please,” she whispers.

“Fine.”

A sunshine grin.

As bright and wonderful and perfect as ever.

“Thank you,” she sighs happily, relieved. Her shoulders drop from their tense set. “She’s lovely, Marcus. I’m sure you’ll like her,” she insists as she stands from her spot on the sofa to fix her hair in the mirror above the fireplace. The sun pools in through the window, fractured by each pane, a golden halo around her figure. He watches her face in the reflection - the concentration that twists her expression as her fingers comb through each knot, with the hint of a smile still tucked at the corners of her lips - for so long that he doesn’t even notice when she glances back at him, smirking at the vacancy in his expression as his gaze traces the gentle lines of her features.

“I’m not worried about that.” Marcus’ cheeks flush red as he speaks, looking away from her face. Heat rises up his neck.

He’s sure he will like her.

He trusts Coraline’s judgement, and she knows him better than anyone now. Even his oldest friends, his colleagues who he spends long arduous work days beside, his family. If she thinks he’ll like this mystery woman, he probably will. Hell, she might even be the woman of his dreams.

Except she’s not Coraline.

No one could ever come close.

“I’m just not ready to date right now, sunshine,” he insists with a shake of his head. His eyes draw back up at hers and she pouts.

“Just humour me with one date,” she requests. She rounds the coffee table that sits in front of him and perches upon it, so they sit eye-to-eye. “Just one date and if you hate it- if you really hate it- then it ends there, okay?”

Marcus smiles back at her “I already agreed, didn’t I?”

Coraline hums. “Yes, you did, and you can’t go back on your word now.”

-----

She’s so beautiful. So overwhelmingly beautiful that she steals his breath away. She opens the door with a bright smile and he has to take a moment to find his way back down to reality, at the sight of her red lips and satin dress, and he feels overwhelmingly underdressed, even in his suit and tie. “You came.” She beams brightly, brighter than the sun could ever hope to shine. Her relief is so wonderful that it makes him grin, too. Her cheeks flush and she sighs, reaching for his hand to tug him into a hug. Her hands bunch into his suit jacket tightly, like she doesn’t want to let him go.

“You look beautiful, sunshine,” he tells her, his voice merely a whisper.

When she pulls back, she’s blushing. Coraline brushes her hands over her hair; she seems to forget it’s pinned up behind her head, so she settles for twisting the stray curls that frame her face around her fingers, instead. “You think?” She questions, like she doesn’t even know, like she doesn’t even realise. Surely, she has to realise. “I feel a little overdressed.” She chuckles.

He’s seen her in thousand-dollar dresses, with makeup and hair that takes hours to perfect, but now she feels overdressed.

Marcus’ lips brush her forehead, but only barely. He pulls away when he hears James call his name, over the gentle buzz of the restaurant they stand within. It’s

His lips brush her forehead, but barely. He pulls away when he hears James call his name, over the gentle buzz of the restaurant. It’s dimly lit, mostly by flickering candlelight, save for the lobby, where he stands with Coraline. James appears, silhouetted in shadow. His face appears in the light and he’s smiling - bright and welcoming, though not as bright as Coraline smiles, though surely no one can smile as bright as she does - and comes at him with his hand outstretched. “It’s good to see you again,” Marcus tells him as he draws nearer. James’ handshake is strong and it’s intimidated him since he met him the first time, the week before.

He’s tried his best not to feel inadequate. Sometimes he can’t help it, if he thinks about it for too long.

James is taller than him, by a couple of inches or so, and built. it’s not surprising, if Coraline’s pre-filming training is anything to go by. But it’s hard for him not to feel hopelessly meagre in comparison, with the couple of inches James has on him, and the softness of his stomach that’s made him self-conscious ever since his breakup with Teresa.

“I’m glad Cora managed to persuade you to come.” James chuckles. His arm tucks itself around Coraline’s waist and she smiles at the weight of it, curling herself into his side. But she’s still watching him, watching the way his eyes draw between the pair of them and he can’t figure out where he should look. The way his hands are shoved into his pockets so he doesn’t have to worry about the awkward bend and stretch of his fingers, and how he doesn’t have a single idea what to do with them. How he’s trying so damn hard to play off the nerves, because first dates are bad enough, let alone a first double date with the woman he’s helplessly in love with, her boyfriend and their friend who he’s never so much as seen a single picture of.

He’s sure she’s lovely. He keeps telling himself that.

Like it’ll make him feel better.

“She’s pretty damn persuasive.” Marcus tries not to stare at Coraline for too long. It’s awkward, it’s weird, and he doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want that. And James definitely doesn’t want that, either.

And, if he stares too long, they’ll probably figure him out - how he’d do anything for her if she asked, how he loves her, loves her more than he’s probably loved anyone else before. He’s so utterly and heartbreakingly smitten with her that he’s surprised neither of them have noticed before, especially Coraline.

Maybe she does know and she’s just too polite to tell him. Or too good a person to let him down like that.

Somedays, he clings to the hope that he’ll wake and she’ll be beside him, and she’ll love him, and this reality where she slips through his fingers every moonlit night and sunshine morning is but a dream. A terrible, horrid nightmare that tears him apart.

James chuckles again, before he bends to kiss her head. “She sure is,” he hums, his lips lingering against her head. “But I’m glad you’re here-” he tells him, “-and you’ll love Jen. She’s great, I promise.”

He’s sure she is.

And maybe she’ll be everything he’s ever wanted.

Everything except for Coraline.

---

Jen laughs at something Marcus says, but he can’t even remember what it is. He’s far too distracted. He’s tried not to get too lost in the way Coraline laughs too, the soft sound of her voice or how goddamn perfect she looks sat across from him, in the candlelight, but he just can’t help it. He’s managed to carry himself in conversation well enough, and remembered not to stare or go silent, lost in her and desperate to go back to the way things were, when they lived in oblivious bliss, when the two of them had no idea.

Marcus scrubs a hand over his stubble as he pretends to laugh along with her. He can feel Coraline’s eyes on him, on Jen, too; she’s leaning on her hand, her elbow propped up on the table, smiling softly at him and Jen as they laugh together. He wonders if she can tell that he’s distracted. But, given the way she’s watching both Marcus and Jen, he’s probably doing a great job at hiding it. The dim restaurant light might just be enough to hide his reluctance, the hesitation on his face. He hopes Jen can’t tell how much he doesn’t want to be there, either. How seeing Coraline makes him so damn happy - but so damn horribly jealous that it’s not with him. It’s not her fault, it’s his for falling in love with someone else he can never have.

“So, Marcus-” Jen turns further towards him and leans on her hand. “-Cora tells me you work in art theft.” Her eyebrows raise in intrigue.

Jen is sweet and Cora is right, he does like her. She’s an artist - works on the set of Coraline and James’ TV show, preparing for her own gallery show in a couple month’s time - and he’s pretty sure she has memberships to each of the same galleries he does. Maybe they might be the mirror image of each other; maybe, in another life, she’d be exactly what he wants, and exactly what he needs to be happy again. Maybe, just maybe, but he can’t stop his mind - or his gaze, for that matter - from wandering to Coraline’s red lipstick and the way her eyes sparkle as she giggles at James’ jokes, and gazes at Marcus and Jen.

Marcus hums and sits back in his chair, trying his best to relax. “I do.”

Jen’s eyes light up. Her head tilts to the side and blonde waves tip over her shoulder. He doesn’t mean them to, but her curls brush the back of his knuckles, where his hand lays idly against the table. “Perhaps-” She hums, leaning forward, ever-so-slightly. “-you could help me, if my art ever gets stolen.” She sits back a little, almost abruptly. Her eyebrows pinch together. “If I ever get my gallery off the ground.”

It’s somewhere between flirting and hesitation, the insistence of first date nerves and the innocence of liking someone.

Coraline watches them. He can hear her whispering to James, her voice too low to make out the words, but just loud enough to hear the gentle murmurs over the quiet music of the restaurant. “I’m sure you will,” Marcus insists. His cheeks feel unbearably hot with Coraline’s eyes on her. He’s never felt embarrassed around her before but something about the pressure of dating someone new - with her right there - bears heavy on his soul. “I’d love to see your art sometime.”

“Oh, yeah?” Jen’s eyes light up. She shoots up, her back straightening out from the embarrassed slouch she’d sunk back into a moment before. She giggles a little. “Maybe I’ll show you sometime.” Her smile is bright, like the moon on a pitch-black night.

“Cora-” James nudges her in the side a little. “Let’s go and get some more drinks, huh?” He urges, standing quietly and reaching his hand out for her.

“But-” She pouts and reaches for her half-full wine glass.

“Cora-” His eyebrows shoot up and he motions subtly towards Marcus and Jen. It’s meant to be a quiet exchange, one they can’t hear because they’re thick in conversation, but Marcus can see Jen’s eyes flicker to the side, and a smirk pull at her lips as their friends leave under the guise of getting more drinks.

“Oh,” Coraline mouths out her response, taking James’ outstretched hand and standing. She straightens the satin of her dress and smiles at the pair of them. “More wine sounds good.” She giggles. She’s a little tipsy, Marcus can hear it in her voice, but that’s what she gets for drinking wine; it always has that effect on her, and he can’t help his smile at the sound of her lilting voice and her giggles as James ushers her away with a hand on his lower back.

“Yeah, yeah, more wine.” James chuckles as they retreat into the shadows of the restaurant, towards the bar at the front of the venue. “Come on, sweetheart.”

Marcus watches them as they walk away - or rather Coraline as she walks away - and he can feel Jen’s eyes on him as she does. His gaze pulls back to her and she’s watching him; he half expects her to be upset, that he’s on a date with her and he’s so clearly pining after someone else, after a girl who doesn’t want him like that, a girl who’s in love with someone else, but there’s a fond amusement in her smile as she tilts her head again, searching his eyes for the answers. “Sweetie, you adore her.”

Marcus raises his eyebrows and clears his throat. “She’s my best friend, of course I do.” He sips at his whisky to hide his hesitation.

Jen watches Marcus with her head tilted, smiling wistfully at the man. “It’s more than that though, isn’t it?” She leans forward and takes his whisky from his hand; Jen takes a sip of the amber liquid, her lips pursing as the burn slips down her throat. “You’re totally smitten and you have no idea what to do about it.”

Fuck.

His eyebrows pinch together. He’s at a loss for words. His mouth opens and closes - he feels like a fish out of water - but his words die in his throat. He can’t even deny it. Marcus glances over Jen’s shoulder but Coraline and James don’t seem to be paying attention, tucked away in front of the bar, far too wrapped up in each other. Cora laughs at something he says, her eyes crinkling at the corners, her hand grasping his arm. A pang of jealousy shoots through his chest, an ache he can’t quell. He’s practically yelling at himself in his head to stop it, stop it, stop it.

To move on, with someone new.

“Ah, the sting of unrequited love.” Jen hums. “Don’t worry about it, Marcus.” She grins, placing the tumbler of whisky back onto the table in front of him. He grabs the glass and downs it, screwing his eyes shut at the feeling of the alcohol sliding down his throat. He could let it go to his head, if he wanted to. Could buy the whole bottle and pretend that the night went great, that he had a great time, and that his date hadn’t figured out that he’s hopelessly in love with the girl sitting opposite him, instead. “Does she know?”

He’s silent.

“No.” He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, sighing. “No, I haven’t told her.” Jen watches him as he pulls at the fold in his pants. “What?” He can’t stifle his laugh. “It’s pathetic, I know.”

“It’s not pathetic,” she insists, “Why do you think they set me up on this date?”

Marcus narrows his eyes. He can’t tell if it’s just pity, or if it’s the truth. Jen senses his scepticism and smiles softly; she settles back in her seat and sighs. “Are you going to tell her?”

Is he going to tell her?

Could he ever bring himself to tell her?

He’s sure that he would have by now, if he could muster the courage to tell her.

Marcus glances back over at Coraline and James, by the bar. They’re still stood in the same spot, even closer than before; James dips down to kiss her and she’s giggling against his lips, tugging him closer by the lapels of his suit jacket. His hand presses at the small of back, holding her close.

“She’s happy and she deserves that. I’m not going to stand in her way.”

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