Ashens (Part 18)
Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian. Pairing: Bucky x Reader
Chapter Word Count: 17,000 (I’M SO SORRY) the first half of this story is flashback. The second half is the present.
Chapter Warning: Sex, twice. Sad Sex. Filthy sex. SMUT. VERY strong Language. Bucky and Reader will be very toxic in this chapter. It might be triggering if you’ve ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.
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There’s an imminent smell of old wood garnish and pumpkin spice escaping a bright orange glow that flickered in the background.
The odor was extremely strong, trickling through the thick and heavy air of the twelve by twelve room. There was a draft coming in through the window and it continued to help push the flame directly towards the center of the room- the scent marking anything in its direct path with a faint reminder of the close arrival of winter.
Though the glow of a candle was soothing, to many it was anything but pleasant; scented candles were a new thing and it was said to be something for the upcoming future generation.
The idea behind it was that it carried an artificial smell that held a memory you could carry along with you wherever you went. Its point was to remind you of where you were or what you wanted to be feeling, come the fitting setting. This specific pumpkin candle was to remind us all that it was a season of festivity and gathering, and much-needed warmth. The other obvious reason being that pumpkin was delicious.
If you weren’t eating it, you might as well be smelling it.
To most people, it made no sense. Why would you want to smell something so delicious and not be able to physically consume it? It was a pleasant odor coming from an artificial chemical, completely contrary to what is expected. Put simply, it was an empty promise.
One more strong whiff of pumpkin, mixed together with the cozy sound of a crackle of fire, he blinks and Bucky is brought out of his daze. He’s now entirely environmentally aware of his surroundings and sounds coming from additional places come into his perspective.
Within a moment’s relapse, he chooses again to regain focus on the other specific sounds aside from the antagonizing fake fire, gazing his eyes over the pleasant words in front of him.
To his dismay, they don’t sink in. He is distracted by the harsh rain pellets and the distant undeviating sound of a honking Durant. Unlike the candle, those sounds didn’t stand out to him as empty promises, but instead as a reminder of the harsh reality of the outside world.
His strong and confident fingers appeared to skim the yellow worn-out pages of his book on their own accord; his eyes still looking, but not necessarily seeing. Looking closer, with shoulders painfully slumped, he squinted his blue eyes. The words blurred into one and he began blinking desperately and shifting in his seat. He tried to regain his proper vision, not enjoying the sensation of not knowing or seeing what he was trying oh so hard to understand.
His right thumb gave a slight unconfident tremble as he tried to pick up the next page. After a couple of failed attempts, the paper not obeying (most likely due to his careless attempt- it’s not like he was actually reading it), he sighs in aggravation.
He closes his copy of This Side of Paradise harshly between his hands, bringing it to his face. He bounces his right leg uncontrollably up and down as he tapped his pointer finger on the cover of the worn-out novel, resting one elbow on each knee.
It was a nervous tick he picked up somewhere along the way.
The walls of the study room seemed to want to envelope him warmly, as if trying too hard to show comfort and security. There was an eeriness that made him constantly tremble and not feel comfortable at all. Maybe it was the hideous wallpaper, or maybe it was that disgusting odor of varnish from the freshly repainted wooden chair that he smelled when he first came in and could not stop thinking about.
There was no longer a sound of a honking Durant, and the rain seemed to dim down drastically as he continued to look into the distance. He wondered if it was the December air leaking through the slightly ajar window that made the tightness in his chest grow cold and frigid.
Aggravated, he placed the book down next to him on the side table, avoiding the waiting and apprehensive eyes staring at him. They had been staring at him for what felt like hours but had been only mere minutes.
He knew he was a strong young man, he'd always tried to be because that's how he was raised back in his little home town of Shelbyville, Indiana. And if asked about it, he would speak of it with great confidence.
When his mother passed away, his father had been the one to make sure to teach him that nothing like her death would be strong enough to tear him down. That instead, it would, and should, be a motivation for him to be a better person each and every time. He would need to transfer that hurt and despair into physical action.
But clearly, it had to come with a price and tremendous hard work. Things like that, non material things like emotional determination, could not be bought. If you wanted to be great, you had to work to be great. If you wanted to be strong, you'd have to work for it. He’d have to push through all the heartache and pain to reach that level of excellence that he knew his father wanted to see in him.
That is that natural characteristic they’re born with: soldiers.
It was well known, Bucky Barnes was a military brat. His father was always well respected at Camp Lehigh. They'd say back at camp that he was much like his father: loyal, headstrong, patriotic, and obtained strong morals. It was practically in his blood to be a fighter. A fighter for the good in people, the kind, and the innocent. It was his duty, and when he'd grow up to put his own two feet in combat boots himself, he would be prepared to take on any mission he was told. He would be more than capable of doing so.
They all promised him this and he himself grew up believing it.
But this, this of all things, was not something he was prepared for.
Because he's realized -at this exact moment- that his entire life he has lost almost everything and gained absolutely nothing in return. He'd put himself out there so many times to try and do the better good, from giving his last twenty five cents (that he initially wanted to use to buy flowers for the new pretty girl he met) to the little boy he saw walking down Broadway with no shoes.
He excelled in every class he'd ever taken because he knew it was good for him because it would make his father proud.
The shadow that belonged to the eyes and voice from earlier sat down in front of him behind a large desk that had a plaque.
It read ‘Director' in golden ink that had begun to fade from years of scratching and unkindly picking by kids that faced much less traumatic sentences than this.
Bucky's eyes lifted for the first time in what felt like a long time. He could feel the strain on his heavy eyelids as he did so. He regretted it the moment he looked up, because that's when reality seemed to have punched him directly in the gut. His eyes swelled and he blinked away quickly, not letting emotion get the best of his masculinity.
He'd refused to let a tear out.
But the look of pity on the man's face is what did it for him, it made him want to completely fall apart. He didn't like being looked at that way. He didn't like being the victim, the way it felt. He hated it with a passion. He wanted to run out of there and hide himself away for at least one small moment and cry.
"I'm so sorry."
That was the response he exactly did not want to hear. Bucky let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his short hair as the words rang in his ears like ticking bombs. Again, he didn't like the pity.
He tried to deny it and shake his head back and forth to himself but all that did was drive tears to trickle out of his blue eyes.
He knew this would pass with time, but being weak was not the reaction he needed to put on display. He was a soldier for heaven’s sake. No matter how destroyed his life seemed to be getting, he couldn't let it show.
Bucky cleared his throat, making sure his voice would sound strong before he would begin to speak.
And it was.
"It's not your fault.”
Twenty-one. That's how old Bucky Barnes was when his father passed away.
+ + +
They were both laughing so hard that she started getting tears, but she wasn’t sure if it was from the laughter or the bitter cold. They were both so caught up in the events of the night neither noticed how cold it really was.
Once their laughter dwelled down, she continued to stare at him in total admiration. He was something else for sure. She wanted to feel his arm around her again. She looked down at his freezing hand and took it into her cold one.
“Tell me about you, James.”
He smiled when she looked back up and he gave her a tight squeeze.
“First, tell me what a fine dame like you is doin here in Brooklyn.” A playful smile plays on her lips, but it’s a rhetorical questions so he continues, “What do you wanna know?"
She smiles even wider and this time it reaches her eyes, “Everything. I want to know everything about you by tomorrow mornin’.”
The fact that she suggested spending the night with him made him gulp.
He looks down at her lips and nods slowly.
He followed up by telling her that the apartment he had rented out for the next few weeks was just a couple of blocks away. On the walk there she had questioned what he meant by rent for a couple of weeks to which he responded with that he would explain there, but that they should get warm first.
When they arrived, his door ended up being three floors up. His dingy beat-up door made her smile inside. He gave off a classy, rich, stuck up vibe, but really he was simple and not much for being out there. She liked that he seemed so original.
He inserted the key into the normal door lock and bolt lock and opened the door for her to let her in first. She stepped into the “foyer”, if it could even be called that, and took a look around. It was more like a two by two feet space. She walked in the rest of the way and took a look around. It was basically a small studio, but a lot smaller. It was one room, inside there was a tiny kitchen on the left corner, a window that looked out to another brick wall, and to the right a metal bed with a white blanket.
But it was made, military style.
He walks over to his record player and places the needle gently down on the vinyl. If You Only Knew starts playing quietly.
He looks over his shoulder at her and notices her facial expression.
“Yeah, sorry” he chuckled dropping his keys by his iron stove, “I know it’s not much, but it’s temporary. You should’ve seen my old place before I left for training.”
He catches himself when he says it but it’s too late. Her head snaps to his direction and her face holds an emotion that he can’t really pin point. He can’t tell if it’s fear or surprise. He swallows hard and tries to direct the conversation to a different direction.
He curses himself in his head for his stupid slip up. He goes to the far kitchen and opens the cupboard, “I got some cookies, uhm,” he doesn’t know what to say with her staring at him like that. He closes the cupboard and runs a hand through his brown hair. It’s silent.
It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop. A car honks outside after it runs through a puddle and Ella’s voice is haunting.
“You’re in the army.”
He’s caught off guard and his eyebrow raises at her voice. He looks at her. It wasn’t fear or surprise that she had felt when he said that, it was sadness. It was the one feeling he was afraid she’d feel, it was the reason why he didn’t want to tell her just yet. But it was too late, she knows now.
He sees visible tears build up in her eyes. He doesn’t want this, he wanted this to be happy. Just a half hour ago they were laughing and now she’s in his apartment, shattered. She nods quickly and crosses her arms across her chest.
She was different and he knew it the moment he saw her. Any normal girl would love to be with a soldier, but not in this case. Not when it was something like this.
She looks at his bed and his window and shakes her head. This was a damn pit stop.
The made bed revealed just how loyal he was to what he had signed up for and she knew there was no backing out. But he was perfect, she couldn’t lose him. She had to at least stay for the long hall, she thought. It wouldn’t last forever anyway.
Her eyes meet his again. The tears had been blinked away and evaporated and her strong satire was back.
He takes off his suit jacket and drapes it over the sink, sighing. He had been waiting patiently for her response. Whatever she said would ever make or break this, and for God’s sakes if there’s anything he didn’t want to do it was break this.
“How long?” Her tone was strong.
“How long till I leave?” He was a bit confused by the question.
Bucky felt his heart sink. It wasn’t long. She would not like the answer. It was not good. She concluded this herself by his delayed answer and his stare at the floor beneath him.
She let out an exhausted sigh and a click of her tongue as she turned away from him. Now she was angry.
They’re silent, standing there letting reality sink in. Minutes pass by. She takes a seat on his bed and takes off her coat. He watches her every move intently, wondering if she would decided to stay for the long haul or run out of his cheap room he dared call an apartment.
“Like I said. I want to know you.”
He heart soars and he smiles. He re opens the cupboard and takes out a box of cookies. He fills up two jars with milk and hands one of them to her as he practically dances over to her. He sits criss crossed on the bed. She chuckles at how innocent he looks just sitting there like that in his dress shirt and suspenders, like a kid.
It’s awkward at first, trying to sit cross cross with a long dress on, but eventually she manages by pulling her dress up around her thighs. Bucky blushes at this. She brings him out of the moment.
“So what are you doing in Brooklyn?"
He smirks, “I live here, Doll.” She gives him a confused look. He takes a deep breath and decides to start from the beginning, “I moved here when I was a teen. My father was in the army since we used to live back in Indiana. I used to go with him to camp, I loved everything about it. The respect those men held, the strong mentality they had, there’s was so much about what they were doing that made me see there was something greater to live for. To make this country better for us, so we can live and be peaceful and happy. There are way too many nasty people out there who don’t deserve to breathe our air. We are good people and I want to save the good people. It’s something serious, putting your life like that on the line. Unfortunately not all are willing.”
Daisy smiles at him talking about his love for the military. She remembers her mother’s words at that moment.
It really was in his heart, his love for humanity, “it’s in my blood, just like dad. I did training in New Jersey where he was stationed.” Mentions of his father makes him trail off for a second and Daisy notices. She places her hand on his, “and then they sent me back here for some additional work just until our physical forms go through to see who gets accepted. Who does leave in five days.”
Daisy perks at this, “So you’re not actually certain if you will leave?”
Bucky chuckles to himself and looks down. He reaches for another cookie, “Doll, my dad was well respected on the forces. They raised me to do the same. They practically have my name already there ready for me. I know I’m not staying.”
Daisy stays silent again. Bucky tosses the cookie back down and reaches for her cheek. She gasps and looks up at him, her blue eyes soft, “I’m not saying this to make this harder. I’m being honest with ourselves, because,” he looks at her eyes and then her lips. She swallows hard when she sees him looking there. Her heart starts to race in his chest as he moves in closer, “because I know all we have is five days and I want to make the most of it. I’ve only known you for a few hours but what I feel with you is something I know will last forever.”
The moment he says this he feels like he’s just put his heart own on his sleeve. Something he has never done. There was no taking it back now. He’s never had a relationship like this before, he prays to God he didn’t just mess it up. He starts getting afraid when she doesn’t respond, she just stares up at him. His eyes swell up slightly and he wants to add that it’s okay if she didn’t feel the same.
But No. he didn’t not want to lose this. So he slides his hand from her cheek even higher up the side of her head through her hair and watching her, “Please tell me you feel the same.” His voice is low and full of emotion. Hopeful.
She’s never felt this. This had to be the boy of her dreams, and now she felt like the one that was dreaming all over again. Just three hours ago she never even knew this man existed, but all of a sudden she felt like she’s known him all her life.
She moves in closer and watches his Adam’s apple bobble up. The proximity was too much to bear. He was too much, and yet she wanted more. She wanted him.
And she only had five days. They had five days.
And they were going to make the most of it.
The moment her lips crashed onto his was a moment he wouldn’t forget. The fire that exploded inside of him was a bright red flame and it burned through his heart. Instinctively, he brings his other hand up as well and slides it to the other side of her face. She slides her left hand up his thigh and he growls against her mouth, their tongues meeting for the first time. It was fast, hard, and needy.
He raises himself up onto his knees so he’s towering above her still criss-cross body. Her hand raises up higher up his thigh and he feels her delicate fingers reaching in his waist band. He growls against her mouth once more.
She uses his belt loop to bring his body downwards as she uncrosses her legs and lays herself down onto his bed. Bucky’s right leg drops down the side of the bed and accidentally kicks the glass over. They’re lips still stay connected and he’s bringing his right hand to the strap of her dress, and now Ella’s voice sounds like a goddamn melody.
He’s about to pull her strap further down but he stops himself.
He pulls away and they’re both breathing heavily, Daisy whimpers at the distance he puts between their lips. The sound makes him want to go back to what he was doing, but he stops himself.
She’s about to question him when he places her strap back against her clavicle. He pats it down gently and the act makes her laugh. His lips are swollen and she kisses them one more time. He moans into her mouth. She pulls away and lets him speak.
“I want to know you, too.” He says.
“We will. We have five days.”
+ + +
Her legs had curled up against her chest as she laid on her side, a single finger making soft patterns against his chest. It moved up and down sharply as his breathing became affected by what her touch was doing to him. He had stared down at her finger and then grabbed it diligently. She watched silently as he used his right hand to unfold her twirling fingers and fold it with his, holding it against his body.
She looked up at him incomplete awe, her eyes drifting down to his approaching lips. He dipped his head just slightly as he brushed his lips against hers.
They had stayed up all night talking about their goals, and what they loved to do. Daisy was a simple, innocent,, young girl. She loved dancing and flowers and she also admired the simplicity of innocence. She grew up in a Christian household and her morals were up there. They both laughed together when she brought up the fact that she never would’ve had thought she’d be cuddled in bed with a man she met only hours before.
They commented about their families, how Bucky’s little sister had been taken away from him not too far back, about his mother’s death.
“What about your father?” She had asked.
Bucky remained quiet as he stared up at her. She noticed his change in demeanor and her eyes squinted. Bucky let go of her hand and switched his position from on his side to on his back. He brought his leg up and folded his hands on his chest.
He felt her shift and lean against him. He looked over and saw her resting on her elbow, her left hand drifting up his neck and into his hair. She pulled on it slightly making him close his eyes.
“James.” She whispered, pleadingly. He opened his eyes and looking into hers.
“He passed away,” he could tell she was going to start saying condolences as her mouth opened but he beat her to it, “this morning.”
He thought she was going to start giving him sympathy, he expected it. But instead he felt her rest her head on his sturdy chest. He was taken aback at first, but then smiled softly and took in a deep breath. He allowed his hand to snake in through her soft blonde hair.
“You’ll get through this. You’re strong.” He swallowed as he felt her hand skim against his chest, feeling him. He didn’t want to push her into anything and was thankful that her hand just went to his waist, pulling his body closer to hers, “I can tell.”
“I want to be with you. And when I get back from war, I want to be with you again.”
She knew she was taking a risk by inviting him over to her house, but she had wanted him to meet her family. Sure this was fast, but how long did they truly have together? She obviously remembered the stories her mother told her.
Underneath the anxiety, love, and happiness she felt as he helped her mom cut the carrots, she genuinely hoped her parents would love him, too.
“How long have you known this boy, Daisy?” Her mom had asked over her shoulder as she washed some lettuce and tomatoes in some cold water in a bowl under the sink. Daisy bit her lip. Her mom noticed her hesitate, “ Daisy .”
Her tone was judging and all too motherly. Daisy looked up and saw her mom giving her a glare that quickly told her that she didn’t like where this was going. Daisy felt defensive.
“Momma, before you judge me, he’s an amazing gentleman and I fully trust him with everything,” she saw her mom shaking her head to herself and murmur something but the sound of the sink water drowned it out. Daisy got up exasperated and walked over to her mom, “Think about it, when was the last time I brought a boy home? You know I don’t bring just anyone. You are going to love him.”
Her mom smiled and looked over at her, shutting off the water.
“You are lucky I’m me and not your dang fatha’, Daisy.” She washed two more tomatoes, “Do you?”
Daisy gaped at her, not really know how to respond to that. To be fully honest she didn’t really think about it. When it came out while she was cuddly with Bucky earlier that day, it was natural and she hadn’t thought twice about it. But it seemed to soon to tell, but yet not fully impossible. She’d never felt the way she felt that when she was with Bucky. She felt heat creep up into her cheeks and her mom started to smile. The moment was interrupted by a strong voice.
Both Daisy and her mother’s face fell at the heavy tone that washed over them like pure ice. Daisy’s eyes drifted up to her dad who was standing in the door way. He held a cigar in his right hand, his leather covered foot tapping away. He eyed them both, clearly he was eavesdropping and was not liking where this conversation seemed to have been going.
Daisy gulped. She looked down and fidgeted with her fingers.
“A boy, daddy.”
“Daisy invited him for dinner.” Her mom added casually, draining the water out of the bowl with her hands. The silence was deafening. Her dad could tell she was avoiding his gaze.
He chuckled maniacally as he tapped his cigar with his pointer fingers, some ashes tickling towards the freshly mopped floor. Daisy watched as if it were poison. Suddenly, she was very fearful.
“Is that so?”
Daisy nodded, finally looking up. Her dad looked serious, territorial even.
“Charles, quit scarin’ her. I hear he could be the one.” Her mom winked at her.
Her dad squinted angrily, “The one? And I’m just now hearing about this kid?” He walked over to his wife and rubbed her back soothingly, still giving Daisy a disapproving look, “and did I just hear love?”
Daisy groaned in aggravation, running her hands through her curls, “Mom, stop that.” Daisy sighed as she wiped her hands on her little dress and walked back over to the stool that sat on the far side of the large kitchen, “he’s a great guy. Daddy, I know that, it’s why I invited him today.”
“I just don’t get why I’m not meeting this damn boy.”
Daisy flinched at his tone, “Daddy, please.”
“Then explain it to me!”
Daisy dropped her face into her hands, “I was just worried about you meeting him because he’s not the typical guy you go for. But I do care about him, please, just give him a chance. He’s very sweet.”
Daisy practically felt her father roll his eyes. She looked up and saw a snarl on his face.
A soft knock on the door and Daisy immediately flew out of her seat to open it. Her dad made a comment to Daisy’s mother about agreeing to this in the background, but Daisy was now momentarily too excited to care. She took a deep breath as her hand wrapped around the doorknob.
She opened it and the moment her eyes landed on him, her heart went soaring and she literally felt herself smile. All the anger and fear she felt before dissipated. His reaction was mirrored to hers, his pearly whites making her blush hard. His gorgeous eyes wrinkled at the sides as he smiled. He looked perfect in a soft black suit, underneath it is a white dress shirt, but the top button undone. His hair was in a small quiff and shiny from his pomade.
She extended her hand out to take his in hers and pulled him inside playfully hard. They both giggled together, Bucky’s face leaning down to kiss the top of her cheek. She hadn’t realized how hard she really pulled him until he stood right in front of her, their fronts touching. She was blushing as he stared down at her face and then her lips.
He tilted his head slightly and started to lean down, and her eyes drifted shut, when the moment was interrupted but a cough.
“So you must be the boy Daisy won’t stop going on about.”
Bucky pulled back, red tainting his cheeks. At that moment he realized he had just been caught almost wanting to devour this woman’s daughter’s mouth right in front of her. He stepped back bit and straightened out his back and cleared his throat.
He brought his one hand across his chest and with the other he extended it out for a handshake. No longer lust in his eyes, he was now completely serious, his mission being to impress a high class family. Her mom smiled at how charming he was.
“Mrs Davis.” Bucky greeted with a firm shake and smile.
She could tell by his strong handshake that he had been raised well. She exchanged looks with Daisy, who clearly looked terrified and expectant of what her reaction to him would be. She looks back at Bucky.
“Daisy never mentioned your name.”
“That’s a strong name.”
Everyone looked up to follow the voice. Charles stood there tall and brooding, another cigar in hand. Bucky stretched out his arm once more, too eagerly this time, “Please to meet you, Mr. Davis.”
Bucky waited as Charles stared down at Bucky’s hand, not taking it and clearly not wanting to anytime soon. Bucky stood there awkwardly, fear and rejection creeping into his guts. He slowly lowered his arm, Charle’s gaze not leaving his face.
“You live on the upper east side, too? What’s your Street? You’re dressed like a damn paper boy.”
Bucky’s face fell immediately and Daisy inwardly groaned.
Bucky licked his lips nervously and then fixed his back to stand taller as if to appear powerful. There was no way he was going to let this man tear him down.
“No, sir,” He hates that his voice is shaky. He gives Daisy a nervous side glance and then back to her dad, “I live in Brooklyn, sir.”
Her dad frowned and both Daisy and her mother knew this was going to go down fast.
“Brooklyn,” his tone was disapproving, “What do you do for a living, boy?”
Daisy took a step next to Bucky, “Dad, that’s enough.”
Bucky frowned and realized Daisy hadn’t really told them close to anything about him. While he understood, he was now dreading the whole entire conversation that would go down. Him and Daisy shared a look before Barnes looked back up at Charles.
“I’m in the military, sir.”
Her dad raised an eyebrow as soon as the words left his lips, then a scoff. Daisy looked up to his her mother’s face fallen and sad.
Bucky’s eyes darted between Daisy and her father, suddenly realizing that something that he said was not good.
“Sir, was something I said -“
“Daisy, tell me hows a boy who doesn’t have a real job suppose to be with my daughter? A goddamn soldier? Jesus.”
“For heaven’s sake, Daddy!”
“Charles, stop that!”
Daisy’s mother’s angry voice made everyone go silent at once. Bucky felt small, wanting to fade away into the ground below him.
Charle’s scoffed, tossing his cigar at Bucky’s beat up dress shoes. It was the best pair he owned and even those were not his best. He swallowed hard, trying to not feel small and sad.
“I’m gonna get Jimmy and then we can eat.”
Bucky stared down at the cigar at his feet, his heart feeling heavy. “A goddamn soldier”.
It replayed over and over in his head.
Suddenly, he felt a comforting hand on his back. He looked up and saw Daisy staring down at him, sad.
“Just a goddamn soldier, Daisy?” He motioned upwards with his hand. “What is this?”
Daisy looked down, “James, that’s my father, okay? If anything, let’s just be glad he didn’t kill you. He’s like that with everyone.” That actually did help Bucky feel slightly better as he stood up taller. Daisy’s hand reached up as she cupped his cheek, “And the soldier thing, he’s weird about that. I’m not sure why.”
Bucky stared at her for half a second, doubting every word, before he simply complied and nodded. He smiled slightly.
The dinner was quiet and tense, and over much too slowly. Bucky had quickly pulled Daisy out into the hallway to say goodbye before he left, groaning into her mouth how he was never going back in there ever again. They both laughed and kissed.
And now here they were at the bar, the night before he had to leave. Bucky didn’t want to leave, because he had a feeling that this would be one of the last few days he would have any peace and serenity. His gut was twisting and turning as he played with the strand of her hair between his thumb and pointer finger. As his gaze drifted from her lips to her blue eyes he just knew deep inside that this is exactly the kind of feeling he wanted to be feeling for all of eternity.
He felt it when he touched her, when he looked at her, and when he held her in his arms.
It was like a wave of fresh air that reminded him of home - Daisy was his new home. He knew it happened fast, they all did, but sometimes true love doesn’t have to be complicated. When its meant to happen, it just simply happens. It’s simple as that - as simple as him tucking her hair behind her ear and giving her that pearly white smile that made the cheeks on her face turn a crimson red.
She leaned her forehead onto his as he held her close by her waist, the piano in the background that was once haunting, now insanely beautiful exactly like the woman in front of him.
When Bucky had told Steve he might ask her to marry him one day.
Those words Steve said kept ringing in Bucky’s head, even as he now held Daisy in his arms, but they meant absolutely nothing to him. She was his sanctuary, his now, and he would take it by the hand.
He would take advantage of these last few hours he had with her and he would pretend all is good in the world and it would stay that way. It had to.
He kept telling himself that so he, himself, could believe it. The truth was it was all going to go downhill, he could tell.
He knew that once he left for New Jersey tomorrow that he wasn’t going to automatically be drafted into war, there wasn’t a necessary need just yet. But his father had told him the speculations of how the US wanted to go after the Nazis, and he knew there was something else his father wasn’t telling him, and it would not be long before hell broke loose.
That’s when Steve and all the others would eventually be even more so analyzed and drafted, and so would Bucky - without a doubt.
Sure, he was courageous. It wasn’t that he was scared to go, but he needed to be certain that Daisy would always be safe. He would surely miss the moments of having her in his arms, safe and happy.
Softly, he took her left cheek in his hand and rubbed his thumb across the top of her cheek bone,. He needed to take advantage of this moment that was staring them dead in the eye. He needed to. It didn’t matter how fast it was, how much he wanted to treat her preciously, and how much he respected her faith. He needed her.
“Come to my apartment with me,” he noticed her gulp and her mouth opened slightly. Daisy’s mouth went dry and she watched his usual blue eyes turn a heavy grey. Bucky smiled slightly, “I don’t want to seem like I’m making you do something you don’t want to, but I just…” his voice drifted off as his gazed dropped slightly. His eyes became clouded with disastrous visions of the future. He blinked it quickly away, wanting to just see the image of Daisy underneath him. Just her and her pearly white skin and those gorgeous lips kissing him.
At that moment Daisy knew exactly what he was asking.
She was a virgin and she had mentioned that to him when they started talking about the topic of her faith. She technically wasn’t supposed to be engaging in anything that was sexual before marriage to which Bucky simply nodded. At that moment, he decided he wouldn’t be too strong on her nor mention anything of his past sex life which would surely leave her blushing. He loved fucking.
But as she stared at him right then and there, realizing this could be the last moment where they’re both happy together and not having to worry about anything, she wanted just exactly the same thing he did. She closed her eyes tightly together and leaned her face closer to his, giving him a deep and sexy kiss on his top lip, biting it as she pulled away.
Bucky practically growled at her action, never seeing this side of her. Daisy was innocent, a classy lady, one that should always be treated as such. Sure, he knew of her passions for burlesque and lingerie (when she told him he had practically tried not to cum right then and there in his bed), but that was a dirty little secret that he concluded shouldn’t be mentioned out loud. She was always that beautiful, young, and morally behaved girl that stole his heart.
When she let go of his top lip, which was definitely throbbing now, he narrowed his lusty eyes at her and took it as a sign of acceptance.
She would be lying if she said she wasn’t slightly shaking the whole time he walked her to his dungy little Brooklyn apartment. He looked straight adorable in his little Italian flat hat and suspenders, his coat draped across one of his arms, the other holding her hand as he slid his key into all three locks of the door.
She swore she could see him shake a little too when they had gotten inside and he put his coat on the tiny kitchen table and he turned to her.
The room suddenly felt even smaller, the air between them hot and utterly thick.
He eyed her up and down and swallowed hard. She wore a beautiful black dress that covered every single part of her that he now wanted to see exposed to him.
Her lips were slightly red from the many kisses they shared on the way to the apartment, and her pinup eyeliner was so damn pretty as it shaped her eyes to perfection. She was damn gorgeous and she knew it.
He slid off his dress shoes and then walked over to where she was standing. Her heart hammered away in her chest as his stunning blue eyes traced her body. The moment he finally stood before her, he realized he didn’t want to do with her what he did with every other girl.
He lifted his left arm to the side of her neck and watched her chest fall rapidly up and down. He grabbed her there lightly, and then slid it down the side of her body, eyeing the beauty that was simply her.
“I’ll be gentle.”
He grabbed her right hand and pulled her along over to his bed. She looked down at him as he stared up at her, in awe and in love. She brought her hands to his face and touched his perfectly combed hair, smiling.
She stopped when he laid his hands over hers and brought it down between them. His face was now serious as he whispered, “Lay with me.”
He wanted to make love to her tonight.
Did they and it was slow and tender.
Bucky had told Steve he’d be back soon. It wouldn’t be too long - maybe a month, maybe even a few weeks. Bucky stepped onto the steam train and Steve and Daisy had stood next to each other as they waved him goodbye. The moment he sat down in his seat and the vision of the love of his life and his best friend became nothing but silhouettes, he threw his head back against his cold seat, taking a deep breath. He made a vow to himself that now was the time to make himself, his father, and his country proud.
The only thing he wanted more than his girl was to save the lives of every person he possibly could.
He took an additional deep breath, running a damp hand over his face. He stared up at the iron ceiling as the train swayed side to side and up and down over the slightly uneven tracks, making its way south.
He fidgeted uncomfortably as each horrible made up scenario of what could happen when he arrived went through his mind. He wondered if the chief and sergeant would agree that he’d be as fitting as his father in taking his place and if he’d make the best soldier he always wanted to be.
He took a deep breath and simply leaned his head against the glass.
His blue eyes watched as the scenery of green and trees became the last of peace that he had a feeling he would feel for a very long time.
Wheaton, New Jersey
The train ride wasn’t long; a little over an hour which was just enough time for Bucky to take his well-needed nap. When he had arrived at the station, he had noted the Jeep he was told that would pick him up along with two others who were on board. He didn’t even bother to meet up with them while onboard the train, wanting to take as much time to himself as he could, knowing it was probably his last opportunity.
The Jeep zoomed down a dirt road and through an intimidating metal gate. Bucky watched as young men ran around the perimeters, training intensely. Others were talking amongst each other as they took their break, sweaty bangs dangling onto their foreheads.
They looked at him in curiosity as his car sped towards its destination, probably wondering what was so special about this guy that he had to get to where he was going so quickly.
Suddenly, the car came to a heavy jolt and a hand slammed down beside him on his seat announcing their arrival. He jumped slightly at the intrusion but took a deep breath and opened the dingy door.
As Bucky stepped off the jeep and into the dirty mud of his new camp, he knew he needed to find his uniform and combat boots as fast as he could.
He stared down in a slight grimace at his freshly destroyed dressed shoes - he had just gotten them shined. He scoffed to himself and dragged it’s front against a random dry patch of grass trying to get off as much as he could. A young man jogged by, kicking some mud up onto Bucky’s new pants. Bucky looked on at the man as he ran, a look of anger written all over his face.
From a distance (from beneath a random tent that provided cover for a rest area, Colonel Douglas Smith watched in amusement the entire scene unfolding.
“This is Barnes’ son? The sniper?” He snarled under a grimace. He turned his head and gave Williams a disappointed look.
Another man -Williams- which sat to his left, looked towards Bucky’s direction over his daily newspaper. He watched on along with Douglas and smirked as Bucky looked around, lost.
His eyes drifted to Smith and then back down at his paper, giving it a slight smack, “Yes, sir.” humor tinted his voice heavily.
Smith shook his head in wonder as Bucky dusted off a piece of lint that was on his coat’s collar, “He better be right about this, or I swear to God.”
Bucky’s eyes scanned his vicinity, eyes narrowing diligently. His eyes finally landed on someone who seemed to be who he should be looking for, judging by their attire and posture of authority. Also, the fact that they had been looking at him first.
“He seems too pretty to be as good as they say.”
“His father says he is the best.”
Colonel Smith eyes Bucky up and down as he made his way over, sporting his new suit and fresh suspenders. As soon as he reached the two men, Bucky nodded at each one and took off his Italian flat hat, tucking it into his armpit revealing a perfectly groomed gorgeous head of hair drenched in pomade.
He reached out with his right arm for the Colonel to shake with a bright smile on his face, “James Barnes.”
“Colonel Douglas Smith,” he nods over to the man sitting down who seems very busy jotting something down, “This is Sergeant William of the one-oh-third.”
“Colonel. Serg.” Bucky confirms with a nod to each.
“Sit, boy.” Colonel demands with a motion of his hand in front of him. Bucky politely abides as he pulls out a chair to sit himself down. Bucky places his hat down in front of him and takes a deep breath, “First, I’d like to give you my condolences.”
Bucky momentarily stalls as his eyes drift back and forth between both men, but then clears his throat nodding, “Thank you, Sir.”
“Your father was a great man. Quite a fighter used to say he raised you from young to be the same way.” Colonel eyes Bucky up and down. Bucky gulps, finally feeling the pressure he had been slightly dreading from the beginning. He knew they were expectant of him, and now he was here to prove it and he wasn’t sure he had the balls of steels he had one day ago, “That true?”
Bucky clears his throat, “Yes, sir.” He leans down to reach into his briefcase and pulls out a beige file. He puts it onto the table and slides it across to Colonel. Smith is impressed by his promptness and professionalism and sees William smile from his peripheral.
Bucky clears his throat once again, “Dad trained me for many things,” he took a brief glance around the base, “I experienced boot camp at the age of fifteen. I’ve done long races, obstacle races, everything that tested my endurance, boxing, running- both in the rain and scorching heat. I’ve bled, I’ve learned not to cry and hold my own. I know tactics, I know what it takes to be a soldier, sir,” Bucky notes their faces still hold no expression of amazement he was looking for and he feels his palms sweating harshly, “My father did it so I knew how to be strong and prepared for when the time was right.”
Colonel Smith crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, not yet touching the paper in front of him. Bucky looked on in simple embarrassment from Smith to his folder, wondering if it was pointless to show as much pride as he did.
Smith’s strong voice makes Bucky jump when he starts talking, “You think that because you’ve trained since you were a young boy, but clearly have no experience being on the front line, that you are an American Soldier?”
Bucky automatically becomes defensive and his posture becomes confident. He didn’t like the nagging, the accusation of something he was not. That’s when he realized, he needed to prove himself. He was good, and they wanted to see it.
He leans closer to the table and crosses his hands out in front of him, “No, sir, of course not. Not yet,” His voice was strong and clear. The colonel sat there waiting for what Barnes had to add, “I have no experience yet with being in a war, not yet. But I have other experiences, first-hand experience.”
“And what is that exactly?”
“Guns.” Both Smith and William now give Bucky their full attention, looking straight at him in total interest. Smith even moves up closer to Bucky.
Bucky is almost one hundred percent more confident now than he was ten minutes ago because now he’s finally talking about something he knows he can own up to well. This he enjoyed immensely.
“Sure. Your file we have here does show you are good with targets, that you know what weapon is best for what, that you helped your father when it came to assembling and reassembling them for the troops, and that you are great at knowing the anatomy of a gun but many here can do that with intense training. What do you have that the others here don’t, James?”
The colonel was pressing now, and Bucky at that moment realized that what he was doing was not because he didn’t see a reason to not trust Bucky, but more so so he could prove himself, and this was his chance.
Bucky looked Colonel Smith straight in the eye with a snarl. He slammed one finger down on the table in front of them, “I’m not just good with targets. I hit them all.”
“I do not miss. This file,” Bucky again slams his finger down on the folder in front of them, “There are diagrams, spreadsheets, rough drafts, charts, and all my grades for every algebra, geometry, physics, and trigonometry class I’ve ever taken. All As. It also includes my use of Pythagorean theorems.” Colonel raises an impressed brown and opens the file. His mouth is slightly agape as he reads on what is pages and pages of mathematical equations, transcriptions, and each a different weapon usage.
For a cocky good looking guy, Bucky was clearly very very intelligent - a closet nerd.
“I might no be a soldier yet, but I’m already a good fucking sniper.”
William and Smith are smiling now as they see Bucky in the way they wanted to, “Look, I’ll go out there tomorrow if you need me to. Sure, I’m a kid, but that just means I have the time to learn more. I’m ready to fight.”
Colonel stares at Bucky for a beat. He nods, takes the folder in his hands, and stands up. Bucky looks up at him, “You will be here to assist Serg. William and I. And then we’ll see where we take you from there. We want a hard-headed kid here to help get these other guys in order.” His voice was softer now as he spoke on, “Soon, we’ll be out there in the real world and I feel you’ll do fine, kid. Your health record looks great, I saw your previous training records here at the base and they are impeccable,”
“Thank you, sir-“
“but,” Bucky swallows hard. Smith hands the file over to William, “We want you to focus on shooting. And train these damn ass kids that this isn’t just a game. William will escort you to your temporary quarter.”
Bucky nods and stands up, a wide grin on his face as Smith initiates the handshake this time, “Good luck, Kid.”
That's how he spoke to her for two years. He missed her, he missed Steve, and he missed school. He missed Brooklyn, but he missed her most of all. She was everything he had ever wanted and more.
They refused to lose touch, but it seemed to have gotten harder the longer he spent time away from her. He almost started forgetting what it was she looked like and he did not like that at all.
He hoped more than anything that she didn’t forget what he felt like, what his cock felt like the inside of her pretty self. God, he missed her so much.
He’d be laying down in the bunker after one of her letters where she’d admitted that she missed all of his body, and suddenly he’d find himself a panting mess, a hand wrapped around himself. No other women in his life made him cum as much as she did. She was perfect.
Dad has been gone for four weeks and I don’t know why. Jimmy has gone with him- it’s just me and mother. I overheard her saying something about Germany but I’m not quite sure.. Or maybe it was something else. Though none of that matters to me, James- I want you. Please come home to me.
He would pick up his pen and start writing.
I’ll be home soon, my love. I want and miss you, too.
For some reason, a chill ran down his back as he reread the words “something about Germany”.
Like an awful memory that has never happened, he sees a child in front of him. It was a little girl and she screamed in agony for mercy. She was getting strangled to death by his own hand, a silver glint caught his eye-
Bucky jumped up looked upfront his lap from where he was writing to see Williams looking at him in curiosity, waiting.
“Be right there, Sergeant.”
Take care of Stevie for me, Daisy. Be careful, both of ya.
He’s standing in front of the men, showing them how to correctly calculate the wind and kickback of a PPSh-41. Ten iron cans laid on the grass as Bucky allowed his gun to swing back towards him. He smirks and slides it back into place in the holster around his waist.
“Johnny, you’re up.” Bucky would announce each boy’s turn until they’ve all managed to hit all targets. Some of them taking more thirty tries each to succeed.
As much as he’d try and teach them how to properly shoot each and every gun they had on hand, it was evident that they’d never be as good as him.
But there were good in other aspects, some of which actually reminded him of Steve back at home.
“Faster.” Bucky would demand as he walked in front of them as they did fifty push-ups each. He knew they could handle it.
Williams and Smith watched from afar as Bucky’s men eventually became some of the strongest and most courageous they’ve seen in a long time.
They shared a knowing look and Smith gave a small nod.
Bucky’s gaze drops from the men he’d grown to love down to his feet. He didn’t expect to be there for two years. He didn’t think he would go that long without seeing Daisy, but they ended up loving having him there.
Within weeks he had the entire infantry under his finger. At first, he wasn’t too keen on yelling at them at what to do and how to do it, but with time he realized it was for their best and they realized that too. He was actually not a complete asshole when it came to bossing everyone around, but to be fair it mostly had to do with the fact that they were all not too much younger than him either, some even older.
It had been Friday night when Bucky had everyone in their bed by 8 o clock, without a complaint or disobedience.
Bucky sat in his little office under the vintage desk light as he was reading one of Daisy’s latest letters, where she spoke about how her father had come home briefly but was quickly leaving for Siberia within a few weeks and how much she was dying to hold Bucky back in her arms again.
She kept begging and begging him non stop.
Bucky’s face was crestfallen as he wrote back that he promised he would be back, and that he had to talk to her about something special when he saw her again for the first time.
Truth was, he was going to ask her to marry him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her even if it was from such far away. Bucky was tucking the letter into the envelope when someone cleared their throat from his left.
His head snapped and he smiled when he saw it was colonel Smith.
“Bucky, mind if we speak for a second.” Bucky nodded his head and tucked the letter in his back pocket. The colonel noted this with a nod, “That for the lady?”
Bucky smiled slightly, although it was also sad, “Yeah. Miss her,”
Colonel patted a hand on his shoulder, “I know, kiddo.”
They were about to go into Colonel’s office when Smith turned around. Bucky practically walked into him, not expecting him to stop so suddenly in his path. Bucky’s face was serious and he felt worried at the tension that quickly grew, “What is it, Colonel?”
Contemplating before speaking, he looked over Bucky’s shoulder, “The men love you,”
He looked back at Bucky, “You’re good. Really good.”
Bucky should’ve been proud of his words (he was slight) but he could tell something was going on. Smith’s tone and his eyes were off, something was clearly up.
“What’s going on?”
The colonel looked down. It looked like for a second that he was going to back out on telling Bucky. But clearly this wasn’t something anyone could control anymore, “They want them in.”
World War II had merely started about a little over a year ago. Nazi Germany was at its peak and troops were being sent out constantly. Bucky knew there were several infantries being sent in, along with the heavy draft. Bucky had spoken to Steve back at home and Steve kept mentioning about the guys all being deployed out, but not all. They were still trying to recruit more as time came, seeing who was eligible and who wasn’t. Bucky tried to convince Steve as much as possible to quit trying to join the army, to stop lying on his forms to get accepted.
At their base, they were training until they were to be pulled out.
And now was the time.
“But that’s not what I want to talk to you about.”
Bucky’s heart plummeted for a fraction of a second. He wondered what else he possibly had to say.
Colonel turned into his office and allowed Bucky to follow behind. Bucky closed the door behind him, reluctantly and with a hard swallow.
“There’s a group being deployed in two days. To England, the one-oh-seventh.”
Bucky’s heart jumped into his throat. Pride filled deep within his gut and he tried to contain as much excitement as he could.
Smith went around his desk, “We agreed that you’re more than suitable to be deployed as well. So you’ll be with them.”
Bucky smiled. It was finally his time. It wasn’t just his men, but him as well.
“A couple of weeks. The week before you’ll be allowed one week at home to see your friends,” Colonel looked at the letter that was peaking out behind him, “and your girl.” Bucky felt like he was going to cry from excitement at this point. Colonel’s face was still serious, “we want to assign you as an official Sergeant.”
The earth seemed two have shifted for a moment while Bucky processed the words. He couldn’t believe they would want him to serve at that level. Bucky’s brows raised in surprise as he stood motionless.
A soldier he always knew he would become one day, it was practically in his blood, but “Sergeant?”
“Yes, sir.” Smith crossed his hands out in front of him and stared up at Bucky, hopeful, “I knew the moment you started talking that you were different. You’re good, you’re loyal, you’re a true born soldier just like your father always said you were. You wouldn’t dare lay a hand on something unless they were worth it. You know how to take charge and you’re willing to be on the front line.”
That same image of a tormented child being strangled to death by a hand flicker’s through his mind's eye, except now the kid is thrown against a brick wall, completely deceased.
Bucky swallows hard, “My men, they will be with me?” He knew the answer because he was already told upfront but Smith but he needed to be sure. He needed to know all of them would be there by his side when he killed Schmidt.
“Yes. Drafting starts soon, son. You’ll be home for a little bit to say goodbye.” Smith smiled, “Go get your girl.”
He’d made sure all their beds were made before they all left to say goodbye to their loved ones one last time, and he made his as well. What good Sergeant would he be if he weren’t the best example if he were a hypocrite?
He hadn’t told Steve nor Daisy that he was coming home- wanting it to be a surprise. He stepped off the train, a tailored uniform, his new Sergeant cap on his head, and a pin on his left chest. He was ready.
A sharp wind blew in from the west, making him frown slightly in pain. The January air burned him like fire but yet gave life at the same exact time. This was reality and it was like a slap to the face. He was here to say goodbye.
Bucky had grabbed a paper from the boy at the train station and saw something about Howard Stark’s Expo and he felt like a little boy all over again. He loved Howard Stark, to be frankly honest he was quite a nerd for it. Not only did he make the best weapons that Bucky would love to have his hands on one day, but he also loved how smart and genius he was. How he was never afraid to reach the unreachable and to do what no one else had the guts to. He would kill to meet him one day and just tell him how amazing he was.
So he had to go to his expo before he left. He was ready to see his best friend and his girlfriend and that’s exactly who he was going to go with.
Bucky had been walking excitedly from the train station to Steve’s house, but he was not expecting to see him getting beaten up by a gentleman in an alley outside a theatre.
Anger blew up inside of Bucky as he ran towards the scene, “Hey!” He called out, grabbing both of their attention.
When Steve saw Bucky his eyes lit up.
Bucky grabbed the bully by his collar and kicked his ass while Steve watched from the corner of the dirty alley.
“I think you like getting punched.”
Bucky said as he helped Steve off the floor.
“I had him on the ropes.”
Bucky decided not to comment any more on how Steve needed to lay off and instead wanted to spend the last few hours he had with his best friend and his girl. He told Steve about how he was sergeant now for the 107th and that he was leaving for England in the morning the next day.
But he was also excited to share with Steve the one thing that Steve knew Bucky loved the most - Stark. When Bucky pulled out the newspaper that showed the expo that was happening that night, Steve notices the fanboy smile written all over his face. He couldn’t wait to pick up Daisy so they could all go.
When Bucky and Daisy saw each other for the first time, he had spun her around so hard her dress spun with her. Bucky kissed her so hard and she cried as she told him how much she missed him.
Steve just stared back in boredom.
“Are we going, or…?”
They both giggled and Bucky punched him playfully on the shoulder, “Come on, punk.”
The three of them walked into the expo. Steve was looking around in awe while Bucky had the biggest grin on his face as he held Daisy’s hand. She wore a beautiful dark drey below-knee dress and brown leather oxford heels and her lips were coated in the most beautiful shades of red.
It was everything Bucky had ever dreamed of. Stark literally blew his mind, especially when he brought out the beautiful to die for women and then make a car fucking fly. Even if it was for just a second.
Bucky’s heart soared.
Daisy looked up at him wonder and she watched his face light up in pure happiness. She didn’t know someone could be so beautiful and that she could love someone so much. She raised her right hand up to his face as a firework went off behind his head in the sky. It was blue - the same shade of his eyes.
He wasn’t expecting that gesture from her at that moment, so when he felt her soft little fingers on the side of his face, he snapped his head down to look at her. Her smile faded as he gave her a look of pure want.
She traces his lips with her thumb and leaned her head down on his chest. Her heart soared even more as he brought her to him in a tight embrace. He kissed the top of her head and then told Steve that they should call it a night.
Steve gave Bucky a tight hug and told him to be safe.
“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Bucky warned him with a smile.
When Steve split ways with the couple at his door, he knew exactly what they were up to. He was happy for his best friend, he just hoped they weren’t too emotionally involved more than anything. He didn’t want to see Bucky get hurt.
He looked at his best friend with a weird sorrow. He wasn’t sure why something in his gut was telling him that this happiness, this simpleness, was going to be very short-lived.
When they had gotten back to his apartment, he had her against his door and his lips were on hers.
This was it.
Snippets of that flash of that dead child kept hitting Bucky over and over as he kissed Daisy up against his door.
He tried to get rid of those images as much as possible as he grabbed her gorgeous legs, pulling them around his waist.
That seemed to have done the job perfectly because he felt himself growing hard for her.
“Please.” She pleaded desperately over his lips. He pulled away from her for a second and just stared at her beautiful face trying to take it all in. Reality hit them like a truck as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. This was goodbye, for a while.
He leaned in slowly, and this kiss was different. It was love and care, and so much need. A need for forever. He felt tears building behind his lids as the thought of never getting the chance of holding her like this ever again tried to take over his brain. She tightened her legs around him, her hands going to the straps of his belt.
“God, I missed you, Daisy,” He moaned against her mouth. He brought his right hand between her legs, pushing her panties to the side. He slid one finger from her clit down her slick slit and her head fell back with a thud against his door. She groaned out loud at the sensation that wracked through her body, “Missed the sounds you make. I love you so much.” He growled against her.
She ran her hands through his hair and pulled his face away from her neck to kiss him deeply again. She nodded against him as her hips met the rhythm of his hand, confirming that she felt the same way.
“Please take me, James.”
He walked them over to his bed and gently laid her down. She stared up at his lustful eyes, her lips swollen from his kiss, and her dress bundled up at her waist.
Bucky didn’t waste two seconds to pull it off her. Next, she helped him pull off his uniform jacket and shirt, revealing his gorgeous abs that she wanted to lick over with her tongue.
Next, she removed his pants.
She slowly tucked her fingers into the underside of his underwear as she bit her lip. It was obvious that she was teasing him.
“Just take it off.” He ordered.
She did as told and practically whimpered as his hard cock was revealed to her. She sat up and reached behind herself to unclasp her bra.
When he saw her perky breasts, he leaned down and kissed her once more. The first time they had sex it was different. It was innocent and timid, but now that he knew her body and she wasn’t so shy anymore, it was more carnal. The first time was about opportunities and their future.
But this, this felt like goodbye.
“I can’t wait, Daisy. I need you.” He confessed as he laid her down all the way. She nodded against his understanding.
He stretched out his left hand to hold onto the headboard while the other grabbed his pulsing shaft. She spread her legs and he slid into her with a long moan.
He looked down at her and watched as she arched her neck back in pleasure, the nails of her left hand digging into his sides.
“Faster.” She moaned.
The other thing that was different about this time was how fast it was. The first time it lasted for almost an hour, they had made love in the most sensual way that left his skin crawling. This time they were both so close so fast, they just needed that release due to being away from each other for so long.
She was practically screaming as he fucked her fast and oh so deliciously into the bed below her. It was so good that after only a few minutes she was looking down at the spot where they both met, her lips formed into a perfect o.
She started nodding quickly. She cried. Bucky groaned as he twitched inside of her, his pleasure growing just as strong as hers. He was right behind her. He put his other arm up on the headboard too, letting his restless hips do all the work.
All that was heard in the room was the sound of skin slapping on skin and their moaning.
He picked up his pace as he stared deeply into the blue orbs. When she shut her eyes she let out a silent scream, and he felt her clench around his cock.
That did it for him. He whimpered.
He increased his speed until he felt his own end approaching, and it was going to be strong. When it did, he groaned, tightening his grips on the headboard, making it bang against the wall behind them. He continuously slammed his hips harsh against her.
“Fuck.” He groaned slipping out of her. She watched in awe and as he stroked himself so fast his hand became a blur - little spurts of white falling over her pretty tummy.
His eye drifted back to her face and he watched as a smile played on her lips. Her face was extremely flushed as she bit her bottom lip in a way that made him want to take her again. He chuckled lightly. It made his heart heavy, and he knew that now was the perfect time to ask her what he had been wanting for the last two years.
He let go of the bed and laid himself next to her. He placed his left hand above her hand and the other on the side of her face. They watched each other in complete love before he kissed her long and hard.
When he pulled away, she felt him slightly shaking and noticed the look of nervousness in his eyes. She swallowed hard.
“Daisy,” he whispered. He traced her features with his hand, and just like that the fear escaped his eyes, and instead of scared he was now feeling complete love and he was ready because knew this is what he wanted forever.
Diamond ring on her hand, big heart in his chest, Bucky Barnes had been ready to devote his life her and to love.
Life had other plans for him.
Why be a husband when he could be brainwashed into becoming the Head of Hydra?
Why love with his heart and soul when he could kill and become the world’s greatest assassin?
They’re at the New York Library. Steve stands behind him, hands in pocket and eyebrows furrowed together.
70 years later, Bucky detests himself for who he has become. He hates it all. He hates that he woke up.
His hand trembles as he reads the article. It’s worn out, ink faded.
YOUNG WOMAN, FOUND IN HALLWAY, SHOT
Reason unknown, ongoing investigation
The blonde 21 year old was found shot through the skull in the five story building but an other woman after a shot was heard.
The woman states: “There was blood everywhere. It reeked of disaster. The poor girl was always so quiet and sweet.”
Her family has been under investigation after her father’s disappearance —
Bucky’s heart shattered, but those beautiful memories still stayed fresh in his mind.
You watched him from underneath your lashes as his chest slowly moved up and down. He looked deep in thought, as if his mind had been somewhere else, even though he was physically there.
As his eyes examined you across the bed, you wondered what was going through his head.
You were shocked when he stretched out his arm and you felt his hand run through your hair, letting his thumb linger over the back of your neck.
“What does it mean?” He asks. His voice is deep and filled with emotion.
He’s asking about your tattoo.
“Nothing.” You say breathlessly.
His eyes were enthralling.
“There’s no meaning?”
“No.” You eyes leave his and you look out towards the direction of the dining area.
“Why did you get it?” He asks.
“It was in the moment. It felt like it would be thrilling; fun. The thought of forever made it even more so.” You say without a thought, letting your eyes close.
His hands don’t leave the back of your neck, and his touch remains gentle.
“You’re absolutely insane.” His tone has a chirp to it that you’ve never heard before and a near chuckle escapes your chest. He rubs his thumb there again it sends a jolt into your stomach. You open your eyes again to take a peak at him and the looks he’s giving you must’ve triggered something in your own appearance because his eyes furrow together, “What?”
“You reminded me of someone.”
He swallows thickly.
“Will.” You feel your throat grow tight at the mention of his name. Bucky senses a change in your tone and he knows that whoever this Will is, he had an impact on your life, “He died just a few days before Fury found me. He was my best friend. He was sweet, humble, funny, sarcastic, optimistic,” there’s a crack in your voice and Bucky’s breath hitches, “I loved Will. He was supposed to be here with me. We were coming to the Capitol together.” Bucky watches you intently as you speak so fondly of your dear friend. Emotions consume him and he’s in a warped daze, right hand that had been on your tattoo running up the side of your face and into your hair, “he was the only friend I ever had.”
Your eyes meet his and he sees in the tears in your eyes. He looks at you confused, fingers tightening in your hair.
“And then after I laid him to rest, I walked into the woods. I was crying and I was angry at him for leaving me. I fell down at slope, hurt my hand and my leg —” Bucky says your name quietly but you ignore him, “it was dark. I was afraid. But I wanted to continue on. Deep down I know I did. I needed to do it for Will. Then this man came and he was going to ruin everything, so I killed him. I had to,” it’s the first time you’re addresses your killing so verbally and so emotionally and it affects you more than you thought, “I had to kill him.” Bucky watches with concern as your fingers tremble against the sheets, “And then Fury found me and took me to your camp. I met Steve, and then I met you.”
Bucky pulls his hand away moments later.
You both lay there in silence. It’s the most you’ve spoken to each other since the night he first fucked you.
After you had sex in the kitchen, you both had separated quietly, going your separate ways until night time. You both slept on opposite sides of the bed and a couple feet apart.
It wasn’t even that it was awkward. There’s was just too much unsaid and still too much tension. You kept falling harder and harder, and you were getting weaker.
The next day you had gone to work and Bucky had found a plan to get into Ashen’s tower.
A day later, you finally spoke again.
At nights it was the hardest. You hated his sudden silence.
You hated that you had no idea what the hell was going on anymore.
Your eyes met in an intense gaze.
Bucky watched curiously as your left hand grazed over the sheets and up over his waist. You watched as his breath hitched, his breathing picking up.
“What the hell are we doing, Bucky?” You asked sincerely.
Part of you genuinely wondered if he was only doing this with you because you were the only girl available.
“Fucking.” He spats out too quickly. He continues to watch you as tug your fingers into the band of his dark grey sweats, “we’re fucking.”
You feel a surge of energy build its way up your body. You don’t know if it’s lust or anger, and it scares you that you can’t distinguish it. You begin to wonder if possibly it’s both.
You move closer into him dragging his sweats down as best as you could. Bucky had to help you by lifting his hips off the bed for a second. He lets out a long breath as his length escapes the confinements of his pants.
Your heart hurts as you take in his glorious body and his face. The face of a boy that you wished could give you more than this, the face of a boy that changed your life.
Because even though he was pure man, you knew deep down inside he still felt young. He felt robbed. You hated that you wanted to take him in any way you could. You hated that you loved making him cum and that he let you.
Eyes darting down to his half soft cock, you lick your bottom lip. You take him into your hand, thumb sliding over his tip. Bucky lets out a tight moan. It comes out heavy and needy.
His reaction gives you a boost and you give him a few languid strokes.
“Over the head, and under it.” He tells you with a gruff. You do as told, watching as pre cum oozes out of his hole. Bucky groans, stretching his right leg out. He mumbles something you can’t make out. Your look up to see him quickly lick his hand and the replace yours with his own over his growing dick, “Like this.” He curved it up towards his body and he teaches you how to stroke. You watch amazed as his flesh hand moves over his cock, noting how where his thumb and pointer finger meet focuses on the edge of the mushroom tip.
You put your hands over his and he lets himself go, letting you take charge again.
The feel of his saliva on your palm over his cock is filthy. Dirty. Fucking sexual.
You mimic his actions from earlier for about a minute until you decide to lick a strip up the underside of his shaft.
You hear him gasp underneath you and a heavy hand meets the back of your head. You look up at him timidly and he’s looking down at you. He looks as sinful as ever. His cheeks are flushed and his mouth is agape. You can’t tell if it’s the pleasure you’re giving him or if he’s shocked.
It kills him how innocent you look with your head between his legs. Your lashes are so long and pretty and, oh, your lips look small plush too. You keep eye contact as you flick the tip of your tongue over his tip and a whine escapes his throat. You do it again, and again.
“Oh my god.” He moans. You take him into your mouth little by little, careful to not let your teeth scrape him.
You bob your head up and down, your right hand stroking what you can’t take down your throat.
You feel his hands pulling your hair into a makeshift pony tail and you groan around him.
“Fuck.” He gasps at the vibrations. One of his hands leave your head but the other stays there, helping you; guiding you.
You sit up up until your butt is in the air, with him still in your mouth, and your place your hands on his thighs. You take a deep breath, and he watches as you lower your head down his cock, as deep as it could go.
The chocking sounds are erotic to both your ears.
Bucky is breathing harder now and he takes your head in both of his hands, running his fingers gently down the sides as he slides you up and off his cock.
When your eyes meet, his looks lust blown. His gaze is briefly on your now swollen lips, and then he composes himself, hands going down to the hem of your white camisole dress.
He helps you pull it off in one go followed by your underwear. As soon as it’s off your feet you go to sit up when he stops you.
He grabs your pillow and places it behind you. You sit back. Bucky gives your body a hungry look as he grabs each of your knees, bending your legs up. He gives them a shove away from each other.
You feel exposed and naked and you know he can see just how soaked you are. You whimper as he slides to fingers up your bare and freshly shaved folds. He lets out his own moan as he gathers your juices onto the tips of his fingers, smearing them over your clit.
Shocked, you watch as he leans down until his front is almost perpendicular to the bed. He kisses the inside of your thigh, nibbling it as he makes his way to your center.
You feel his hot breath against your cunt as he tells you to put you to grab his head.
In a euphoric daze, you do as you’re told. A jolt of pleasure shoots through you as he licks your clit. You feel two of his fingers spread your lips and then he’s licking at you, feeding on you like you’re his favorite meal.
You groan, shoving his head closer to your pussy.
“Oh, shit.” You moan when he enters two flesh fingers into your as he sucks on your bundle of nerves.
Your left leg kicks out as he sucks and sucks. You’re breathless as you look down, the sigh of his head between your thighs being the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen.
“Oh, god.” You say.
He looks up at you and you’re gasping. His eyes don’t leave yours as he continues to fuck you with two fingers, the tip of his tongue now flicking at you like mad.
You let out a heavy groan, your head tossing backwards in pleasure.
You feel him pull away and you whimper at the loss of feeling. You feel him grab the side of your waist and he’s pulling you against him until he’s back into the same position he was before.
Bucky leans over the side of the bed and goes into his night stand. You don’t know how to feel when you see him grab a box of condoms.
Did he buy that? Did he know he didn’t want it to be just a one time thing? He didn’t want it to be a one time thing?
You rips box and tosses almost angrily, and when he’s got the foil in his hand, he tears the edge with his teeth.
He slides the condom over his dick and then gently grabs your arms.
“I’ve never…” you stutter as you sit on his lap.
“I know you haven’t, i’ll teach you.” He slides you up and down over his cock, coating it with your slick. You’re leaned over him gasping and he’s grinning his teeth, “You can ride my cock, can’t you?” He purrs up at you so deliciously you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from whimpering, “I want to make you feel good. I want to make you cum. I want us to cum together.”
Your movements quicken as his words turn you on. He takes himself in his hand and rubs his tip up and down over your slit before finally pushing into your heat.
You both groan simultaneously. The pleasure is mutual and you both feel full and satisfied, for the first time. He’s gasping, both hands taking a hold of each side of your face.
He hates what this has become. He hates that his emotions are at an all time high right now.
His eyes look into yours as you move up and down and he remembers why he was so afraid of loving again.
As you move over him, he knows he wouldn’t be able to handle it if something bad were to happen to you. As you fuck yourself on his cock, he knows he can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. He tried so hard to make you hate him and yet here you were, letting him fuck you.
You couldn’t like him. Not emotionally and not physically. It was for your own good. He was bad news, he knew he was.
Everything he touched always got destroyed. It always died.
He was cursed.
Your cunt gives him a perfect squeeze and he shouts.
“God, Y/N.” He cries, grabbing your hips and driving you down faster and harder.
He bends his legs and the sound of your skins hitting echoes around the loft.
Your hand goes to your pussy and you rub yourself furiously.
“Oh yeah.” You moan. He moans back in response, his own hips lifting off the bed to fuck into you.
He tells you to rest your hands on the pillow next to his head and you do so.
He grabs your hips and starts ramming up into you.
Looking down, his face is only a few inches from yours and you wished you could kiss him. You wonder if he can see past your lie of just wanting him for sex. You wanted so much more than an orgasm.
He was killing you.
With one of his ruthless trusts, he hits that spot inside of you that makes you see sparks and you feel your end approaching.
You’re breaths come out of your nose in sharp huffs, fingers curling into the pillow case.
You scream when he leans himself up, taking the side of one of your breasts into his mouth. His nibbles you with a growl.
You know he’s getting close too because his eyebrows are tight together and there’s a thin sheet of sweat over his body.
You cum beautifully over his dick. You know you’re probably shouting but you don’t care because there is absolutely nothing that could ever feel better than this. He helps you drag it out and he rams into you and you look down to see his eyes tightly closed.
You rub a thumb over the tops of his left cheek.
“Cum for me.” You whisper.
His mouth gapes open and he gives you a few more strong thrust before they start to falter. He lets out a loud and animalism grunt, followed by a slap to your right ass cheek.
You’re both panting as you collapse on top of him.
The building’s security infrastructure was a lot less advanced than Bucky had planned for, which was a great thing. He half expected to have to divert more cameras and more security. Especially for a Hydra centre.
Or maybe he was just that stealthy.
He had commenced his part of the mission earlier in the afternoon than he usually did, but that was because he wanted to see if he could catch Ashen this time.
Just as planned, at three forty five sharp, Ashen and three other man came in through the main entrance.
Bucky, having come in through a weak and dingy window across the building, watched from afar as they took the elevator. On cue, Bucky took the door to the stairwell.
He made it quickly to the seventieth floor until he hear the familiar voice. Waiting until it was far enough and he could no longer hear anything, Bucky stepped out into the hallway.
He makes sure to avoid directly sight of any cameras he sees along the way. So many years as the world’s most dangerous assassin gave him the stealth and experience needed to do it successfully. He would go undetected.
The building was modern and gorgeous. There were glass panels and long hallways. Bucky followed the men from a safe distance until they finally walked into a room, closing the door behind them. Bucky tried to maneuver as best as he could without being seen.
When he turned he saw something that left him stunned.
It was a medical bay, expect that there was just one bed.
He could see Ashen and those few men, who were now adorning lab coats.
What caught Bucky off guard was the little boy laying in the bed, unconscious. There were several tubs and IVs coming in and out of his little body. He was a strange color, almost light green. Ashen sat next to the boy, sad.
Bucky watched carefully as Ashen took the little boy’s hand in his.
“Hey, kiddo. Daddy got you a gift this time. It’s not the usual one you like, but I figured you’d still love it.” Bucky watched as Ashen pulled something out of his suit pocket. It was a Hershey kisses. Ashen placed it on the bed, “You need to wake up, buddy. It’s the only thing left before we can figure this out. Please, Ashens.”
Bucky’s heart sunk as the kid’s father’s head dropped down onto the bed. His hand ran over his head, the other continued to hold onto Ashens’ hand.
“Sir?” One of the men in the lab coats speaks.
“Yes?” Ashen responds.
“We can hold him on the machines for a few more months, but if things don’t start to look up —-”
“I don’t want to hear it. He will wake up. He will stay on the machines until I say otherwise.” He snaps, “We already have Stark technology being detected within the walls, we can’t afford to lose guard now. We are getting closer!”
“He’s my son!” He shouts.
Bucky starts to back away when he hears someone about to turn the corner. He hides behind one of the walls that lead into a room until the close is clear. He finds his way back the way he came.
He needed to find you.
+ + +
“Pour me a Knob Creek on the rocks, sweetheart.” The man slurs, giving you a nod towards drinks behind you.
You tried not to groan as you gave him a fake smile. You quickly poured him the drink and slid it across the bar to the douchebag who wouldn’t stop eyeing you like a piece of meat.
“I’ll have the same.”
A voice says on the opposite side. You look over and you feel fear creep up in your bones.
You nod, hands shaking as pour his drink.
He watches you closely.
“You nervous about something?” He asks.
You let out a shaky chuckle.
“No.” You say bluntly.
You slide him the drink and he takes it, but his eyes don’t leave yours.
“I won’t bite.” He says.
You look away. Shit did he remember you?
“Didn’t think you would.”
You go to turn around when he grabs your wrist. Your blood runs ice cold and your freeze on the spot. You can feel your heart beating away inside of your chest.
His eyes are intense as they stay on you.
“Do I know you from somewhere?” He asks.
You let out another chuckle.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“You’re not a whore?”
His blunt question insults you. You know he means one of the call girls down stairs, but it still bothers you.
“I’m a bartender.” You insist.
“Bartender?” His grip tightens slightly.
He stares into your eyes and you feel threatened.
Did he remember?
“Hey, everything alright out here?” You turn around, relieved to see Pietro behind you.
Silas quickly lets go of you and returns to his drink.
Pietro looks up from your wrist to Silas with a raised brow.
Your heart only calms down a bit before you clear your throat.
“You okay, Marina?” He asks you in the corner where Silas won’t hear.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Pietro doesn’t believe you and you can tell by the way he looks at you.
“If you ever have any issues with anyone here, please let me know.” You nod, “Good. Have a good night, you did good today.”
You give him another short nod, still unable to breathe properly.
Bucky was standing out on the balcony when you came home. He looked to be deep in thought about something so you gave him the space he needed. You avoided the bedroom and instead hung out for a bit on the couch, trying to process what happened tonight and how you would tell Bucky. You knew for certain he was going to flip out. Or maybe it was just your paranoia and he would tell you to relax and that you were overreacting.
You weren’t sure what would happen.
Bucky doesn’t decided to come inside until you’re in the kitchen grabbing some left over take out from yesterday. He stands in the entrance for a few seconds before sitting down at the table behind you.
“We need to talk.” He says.
You wait a few seconds before sitting in front of him. He’s looking down at his hand on his leg instead of at you.
He bites his lip and scoffs, disappointedly.
What was going on?
He stands up, runs his hands through his hair and begins to pace around.
“We shouldn’t have done this. Any of this. It was a mistake. I knew it would’ve been bad. A distraction. We shouldn’t have done this.” His mumbling under his breath and not making any sense to you.
“Bucky, what’s going on?” You ask quietly and concerned.
He walks over to the counter and slams his flesh fist on it.
“What the fuck are we doing?” He shouts, “We’re supposed to be working, focusing on this mission, and instead,” he spins around pointing out the kitchen, “instead we’re out there fucking, Y/N. We’re acting like a bunch of fucking animals, humping each other’s brains out!”
“I knew, I knew this would’ve been a bad decision. I fucking knew I shouldn’t have let this happen.”
“You need two people to have sex, Bucky.”
“You should have never told me you wanted to fuck me.”
“I never told you to fuck me. I was only telling you how I feel. That’s all I’ve been doing this entire time.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have.”
“You’re the one who told me you wanted to fuck me, Bucky! You’re the one that bought a fucking damn box of condoms while I was taking a damn shower!” You’re angry now as you stand up from the chair, “Don’t you dare tell me this was all me or all you, this was both of us.” You jammed a finger into his chest, “You bought me fucking plan B just so I couldn’t get pregnant with your damn child and then you fucked me again not even an hour later. Don’t you fucking dare.” You can feel the tears in your eyes.
He grabs your fingers and walks you back until your back is against the wall. He snarls down at you.
“Then fuck it. We like to fuck. Either it’s me or you or both us, fine. But we shouldn’t have done it.”
You want to push him away from you as you feel repulsed by him.
“Yeah? Was that what was going through your mind as you were shoving my head down your cock, Barnes? Making me choke on it? Or when you fucked me up against our window so our neighbors could see? I don’t have to fuck you ever again.”
“—I literally told you I loved you and you attacked me for it—”
“—because it’s obviously only making everything worst—”
“—I then sleep with you, I gave you my virginity, and you have the audacity to stand here and say I seduced you when I gave you my innocence!” You shoved him away and he stumbled back. Your face felt red and you feel furious. You were shocked you weren’t crying, even though you felt like it, “Huh?” You give me another shove, “How fucking evil are you? You gaslighting piece of shit.”
He looked at you after that and your breathing was the only thing that could be heard. His face was stern and turned into a scowl as he looked down at you.
“I’m evil?” You took deep breaths through your nose to control yourself, “No, yeah you’re right, I am. I know I’m a piece of shit. I’m abnormal.” He spat the same words out you had used against him the other day, “I’m so damn evil, Y/N, that I’d rather try and focus on this damn mission than worry about getting laid.” You’re both breathing hard now. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “Yeah, maybe before I was thinking with my cock instead of my head, but it needs to stop now. Last night was the last time.”
You could feel your heart thundering away inside of you. You squinted your eyes at him, seeing the underlying discomfort in his eyes.
“What happened today?” You ask slowly, carefully. He doesn’t answer you and you start to get angry again, “I come home, I found you outside looking all depressed and now you’re in here snapping at me about focusing on the mission. What. Happened. Today?” You emphasize through clenched teeth. He takes a deep breath again, looking away from you he runs a hand through his hair and turns away from you.
“They know we’re here. We weren’t careful enough.” He says.
Your heart falls into the pit of your stomach along with your worst fears.
“They know we’re here! I fucking followed them and I overheard them. We either weren’t careful enough or —- I don’t know!” He’s pacing again, “Your parent’s must’ve put in some kind of tracker to make the capitol aware or something of stark technology or maybe Hydra pre installed something. Whatever it is, they know we are here, and for all I know they could be watch us right now. We fucked up.”
You watch him as he stresses over this. He grabs at his hair.
“They don’t know it’s us, Bucky. If they did they’ve would’ve caught us by now.” You tick your jaw as you watch the muscles in his back flex, “Something happened at work today, too. I think Silas remembered me.”
Bucky scoffs, turning around again to face you.
“There’s no way he remembers you. We wiped him.”
“Maybe you’re right, but he was acting off. He came to order a drink and he grabbed me —”
“He grabbed you?”
“Just my hand. I was fine. Pietro showed up, sensed the tension, and Silas backed off.”
You take a deep breath, stepping away from Bucky.
“You’re right,” you eye him up and down, “We can’t let it happen again. We need to focus on this and I’m already exhausted from you.”
“Exhausted from me?” His voice is a low timber now, the anger from before having died over.
“You don’t even know the amount of emotional turmoil you put me through, do you?” He continues to stare at you quietly and you take another step towards him, “You took something I can never get back.” You say quietly, “And it’s up for you to decide what that something is.”
+ + +
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Baby, Look What You've Done To Me
Dark!Steve Rogers x Reader
Summary: Captain America rushes to your side to help you out of a sticky situation, but you find yourself in an even stickier situation when he holds you captive.
Word Count: 3.1k
Warnings: Dark themes, 18+, implied dubcon/noncon, kidnapping, brainwashing, minor violence, stockholm syndrome, mentions of panic attack,
A/N: This was requested! If any of the warnings make you uncomfortable, do not feel obligated to read!
Your chest heaves as you stare down the two guys in front of you, each having their minds set on the same thing.
You knew you shouldn’t have walked down a dark alley alone, but it was the fastest way home and you were already running behind. Not that it matters, no one is there waiting on you. You’d just had a horrible day at work, you were ready to get home and be alone.
Now, you’re wondering if you’ll ever see your home again.
The taller one looks at the smaller one, a snarl on his face. “What are we gonna do with her?” He asks, his eyes following the smaller man. The smaller one backs you against the wall, his knife pressed to the bottom of your neck.
His free hand reaches down to your thigh, his grin showing his yellow teeth. “I have a couple of ideas,”
You close your eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling down. You can smell alcohol on his breath, practically tasting it.
“Step away from the girl,” You hear a voice say, giving you the courage to open your eyes. You know that voice! Everyone knows that voice.
The smaller guy turns to face Captain America, his knife dropping to his side. You can almost see him shaking in his shoes, his smug grin long gone.
“Look, mister, we don’t want any trouble,” The taller perpetrator says, putting his hands up in the air. You keep your back pressed against the wall, not quite believing what’s unfolding before you. You never imagined you’d actually be able to see Captain America in real life!
You had seen him on TV, next to Director Fury after a catastrophe, but you’d never really seen him fight. You thought he was mostly busy with high priority threats, not helping out average civilians.
Captain America takes one more step forward, narrowing his eyes. “I’m giving you 3 seconds to run, or my shield is going down your throat or up your ass,” He threatens, his right arm behind back to reach for his shield.
You gulp at the sight of it, pure adrenaline running through your body. You hadn’t realized just how big the shield was.
The two men take off running, their weapons lying on the ground beside of your feet. You finally move off of the wall, bringing your hands to your cheeks. You wipe the tears from your face, trying to make yourself presentable for Captain America.
“Are you alright?” He asks, taking a step closer to you. You nod quickly, taking a deep breath. “Yes, I am. Thank you,” You reply, your voice shaky.
You don’t want to know what would’ve happened if Captain America hadn’t seen you. You know words will never be able to repay him, but you’ll try. Captain America stares down the alley, making sure all traces of the criminals are gone. You study his clenched jaw, your heart swooning in your chest.
Along with many other things, you hadn’t realized Captain America was so... handsome.
“I thought you only protected America, not individuals.” You speak up, watching as he chuckles quietly. He turns to face you, a smile on his clean-shaven face.
“I try to fit a couple of average people in, just to make me look good,” He teases, watching you giggle. You look down at the ground, your cheeks red. When you look down, you notice your pants are dirty from the altercation.
You don’t remember much already, Captain America’s presence seemingly erasing your memories, but you almost remember being pushed on the ground at one point.
You look back up, Captain America’s smile long gone. “Thank you, again, Captain,” You say, turning to walk out of the alley. You’re not keen on walking home alone, but you know Captain America has better things to do than to talk to you.
“You can call me Steve,” He starts, watching you turn around. “And I don’t think you should go home yet. They could be following you,” He finishes.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go,” You answer, your nimble fingers fidgeting at the end of your shirt. Your parents are away on vacation and you haven’t exactly made a ton of friends since you moved here.
Steve smiles, nodding to his motorcycle parked nearby. “Don’t worry, I think you’ll be safe at my place,”
After a quick ride on Steve’s motorcycle, you arrive at his house. Your eyes widen when you realize just how big his house is. Steve takes your helmet off, tucking it under his arm. “You can stay as long as you’d like, I know how scary it is to go through that.”
You follow him into the house, your eyes scanning the room. It’s exactly how you imagined it would be. Simple, yet extravagant. You take another sip of the bottled water Steve gave you earlier, feeling more relaxed by the second.
“The bathroom is down the hall if you need it.”
You smile to yourself, still in disbelief. Captain America saved you. You’re in Captain America’s house. “Thank you,” You say, your voice quiet. You feel like it’s the only thing you’ve been saying, but you’re still in shock.
Why did Captain America save you? Crime is still prominent in your city, people are still robbed and murdered. So why did Captain America spare you?
You make your way down the hall, eager to clean yourself off. Your face is covered in grease and mud from the attacker’s hands. When you get to the bathroom, you quickly splash your face with water. The cold water brings you back to life, bringing you out of your shock.
You tuck your hair behind your ears, staring at yourself in the mirror. You suddenly have a very uneasy feeling in your stomach, almost as if your brain is telling you that something isn't right.
But what couldn't be right? You're in Captain America's house, you're in the safest place in the world.
You take a deep breath, turning to face the bathroom door. You reach out your hand, grabbing onto the doorknob. When you try to turn it, it stays in it's place.
Your heart rate quickens, your eyes widening. You try to turn it again, only to be disappointed once again. It's locked.
You chuckle nervously, your hand tightening on the doorknob. "Uh, Steve?" You call out, your voice shaky. Maybe it was just a mistake. Maybe you accidentally locked it somehow.
Or maybe it locks automatically. You are in Captain America's house, afterall.
When you don't hear Steve, you start panicking. Did someone attack him? Is that why he's not responding? Your chest starts heaving, your head foggy. Your hand starts shaking, so you drop it to your side.
You fall to your knees, your legs too weak to hold you.
Steve sits in his chair, his legs spread as he watches you sleep. You're laying in his bed, knocked out from your panic attack. It also might've had something to do with the drink he drugged earlier.
It was no mistake that he saved you. He had been watching you for weeks, searching for the perfect opportunity to approach you. You were everything he was looking for in a house-wife.
Simple, obedient, fragile, and desperate to please.
He had spent that last 70 years thinking they didn't make women like they used to, he didn't think he'd ever be able to find someone like you.
You just needed some help along the way.
Steve watches as you shift in your sleep, the small movement waking you up. You sit up quickly, looking around the room. He can practically hear your heartbeat, he can smell the fear running through your veins.
"Steve," You breathe out, watching as he smirks. He doesn't look injured, he looks perfectly fine. He's no longer in his uniform, having switched it out to grey sweats and a white tee.
"Y/N," He says, standing up. He cracks his knuckles, keeping his eyes on you. "How did you sleep?"
You scoot back until your back is against the headboard, your breathing picking up. That sinking feeling in your stomach has returned again, telling you something isn't right.
"W-What's going on?" You ask, your voice quiet.
Steve reaches the side of the bed, sitting on the edge. He reaches out, placing his hand on your exposed ankle. You glance down at your body, realizing you've been changed out of your earlier outfit. Your jeans and shirt have been replaced by Steve's shirt, your center bare against the bedsheets.
Bile crawls up your throat at the thought of Steve seeing you naked, undressing you.
"Don't be scared, you're safe now," Steve lies, his smirk still prominent on his lips. He rubs his thumb against your ankle, slowly tightening his grip.
At this moment, you realize that Captain America is no longer your hero.
He's your worst nightmare come true.
You scratch another 'X' in the bedpost on your side, the total adding up to 14 days.
14 days you've been trapped with Steve, forced to clean the house and cook him whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Even when he goes out on a mission, you're stuck in the house, cameras watching your every move.
14 days of reading and watching only what Steve allows you to. You're only allowed to watch old TV shows, only allowed to read books that Steve has approved. Most of them are centered around housewives and obedient women, making sure you know your place.
There have been occasions when Steve has left the TV on after he goes to bed, allowing you to flip through channels, getting a glimpse of the real world. One night, you caught a glimpse of the news station, your parents faces plastered across the screen.
They were crying, begging for anyone to come forward with information.
The next night, you snuck off to watch TV again. This time, the news was explaining how the men that attacked you were arrested, confessing how they murdered you.
The next morning, you woke Steve up crying, fighting him until he tied you to the bed, putting you in your place again.
34 X's on the bedpost.
You sniffle, wiping the corners of your eyes. You stand back up, your eyes focused on the X you just made. You make your way to the kitchen, starting to prepare breakfast for Steve.
You've gotten in the habit of waking up, getting showered and dressed, marking another X, and spending the day doing whatever Steve needs/wants you to do.
You're so focused on breakfast that you don't even hear Steve enter the house. You only realize he's there when his chest is pressed against your back, his rosy lips ghosting over your exposed neck.
You immediately tense up, your hands halting their movements. "Good morning," You mumble, listening as Steve chuckles behind you.
"Got a surprise for ya," He responds, causing you to turn around to face him. A surprise? He never buys you anything, what could he have possibly gotten you?
"For me?" You ask, watching as he nods. He pulls a small box out from behind his box, a smile spreading across his face.
You look at him for permission to open the small box. "Go ahead, little one," He mutters, causing you to swallow the lump in your throat.
You slowly open the box, your heart skipping a beat when you realize that he bought you a pearl necklace.
Just like the one your mother wears.
You lightly run your finger over the necklace, your eyes filling with tears. You didn't realize how much you missed your family until now. "Steve, what is this?" You ask, lifting your head.
Steve smiles, placing his hands on your waist, turning you around. He reaches around, picking the necklace up. He uses his free hand to move your hair to the side of your neck, placing a small kiss on the now exposed skin.
"I know you must miss your family. I saw your mother wearing a necklace like this on the news," He explains, his fingers working to clasp the necklace around your neck.
"I wanted you to have a piece of her with you," He finishes, taking a step back to admire you. You turn around, your eyes glistening. As sick and twisted as it is, you can't help but be thankful for the small gesture.
You raise your hand to touch the necklace, giving Steve a small smile. "Thank you," You whisper, your voice shaky.
Steve smiles, taking in your appearance. You've truly turned into a beautiful, obedient housewife.
"Babe, would you mind grabbing some flour while you're out?" You call over your shoulder, rummaging through the cabinets. You were about to make Steve his favorite cake, until you realized that you're out of flour.
Steve barely looks up from his book before he responds. "You can go out to get it," He mutters, returning his attention back to his book.
Your breath hitches in your throat as you turn around, your eyebrows furrowed. Is he serious? He's letting you go out of the house?
After 64 days, you've finally earned his trust.
"Really?" You ask, Steve finally looking up from his book. He places the book on the table, walking over to you. He backs you against the counter, looking down at you.
"What do you need flour for?" He asks, his eyes scanning the kitchen.
You place your hands on his chest, your smile returning. "Well, I was going to make you that cake you like so much," You say, watching as he raises an eyebrow.
You nod, biting your bottom lip. "Yeah, you've been away for a while, so I wanted to welcome you home," You explain. Steve's just gotten back from a mission, one that took him away for two long weeks.
The mission almost killed him. Not because of anyone in particular, just because he missed you so much. He hadn't realized how big of a part you played in his life until he didn't have you around anymore.
Steve smirks, licking his lips. "Yeah? What if I wanted something else? Something a little sweeter than the cake?" He teases, his hands reaching down to the front of your dress.
You giggle and swat his hand away, attempting to stay focused on your task at hand. "You sure you don't want to go with me?" You ask, reaching behind you to grab Steve's keys.
"No, I think I'm going to take a relaxing shower," He says, stepping away from you. He almost makes it out of the kitchen before he turns back around, pointing his finger at you. "Straight there and straight back, you hear me?"
You nod, swallowing.
The car ride there consisted of you 'ooh-ing' and 'ahh-ing' over simple things, things you haven't seen in months. Even the smallest bird and the slightest whistle had you almost in tears, thankful for your new-found freedom.
You’re not sure why Steve chose now to trust you, but you’re glad he did. He doesn’t have anything to worry about, you no longer want to leave. Sure, he kidnapped you, but Steve cares about you.
It’s proved in the way he wakes you up in the mornings, his clean-shaven cheeks nuzzling their way into your neck, peppering kisses on your skin.
It’s proved in the way he calls you a good girl when you’ve cleaned the house and had food ready for him on time.
It’s proved in the way he almost caused you to forget to count your days, too wrapped up in him to even care how long it’s been since you’ve seen your family.
You love Steve, and Steve loves you.
You park your car in the parking lot, checking yourself in the rear view mirror. It had taken you a while to get used to your hair being a different color, but you knew it was the only way Steve would even consider letting you out of the house.
Now, you quite like it.
You tuck your hair behind your ear, locking the door behind you. You whiz through the aisles, doing your best to find the flour. Even when you weren’t with Steve, you always struggled finding things in the store.
Now, you’re easily sidetracked, your stomach growling when you pass the chip aisle. You haven’t had any junk food since you met Steve. When he shops, he only buys food essential for your living.
Bananas, broccoli, water, rice...
You long for a candy bar and a crisp Coke. You find yourself stopping in the candy aisle, your fingers lightly tracing the price tags. You’re so caught up in imagining the taste of the chocolate that you almost miss the voice behind you.
But you didn’t, because you could never miss that voice. Even after 2 months of not hearing it, you know who it belongs to.
Your body tenses, your fingers stopping on a tag. You can’t bring yourself to turn around, too afraid of what will happen.
“Y/N,” your mother repeats, her voiced hushed. You can hear the pain in her voice, along with the disbelief.
You clear your throat, keeping your eyes on the candy. “I think you’ve got the wrong person,” You lie, keeping your voice down.
You used to spend your early days in captivity dreaming about this, dreaming about the day when you’d be reunited with your family.
But now, this is your worst nightmare.
“No, I don’t. I know my daughter when I see her,” The voice says, moving closer. You turn, clutching the cart in front of you. You move to exit the aisle, your eyes trained on the floor.
Your mother uses her cart to block you, her eyes bearing into your soul. “Y/N, I don’t know what’s happened to you, but you’re coming home now. Don’t worry, we’ll catch whoever took you,” She explains, reaching a hand out to touch your arm.
You flinch, drawing your hand back. You feel tears stinging your eyes, conflicted on where to go. You love your mother, of course you do. You miss the days when you’d watch her bake, singing her favorite songs.
On the other hand, you love Steve. You’ve become accustomed to being his wife, living to please him. If you go home, he’ll be all alone. Someone will figure out what happened, he’ll be arrested.
You’ll never see him again.
You can’t let that happen.
You keep your eyes down, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Ma’am, you’ve got the wrong person. I don’t know who you think I am, but I’d appreciate it if you moved your cart,” You explain, listening as a soft gasp exits her mouth.
You can hear the pain in her voice, not understanding why her daughter won’t come home.
Your mother stands there in shock, leaving you to push your way past her cart, leaving your items behind. You don’t care about the flour, you don’t care about the candy.
You care about Steve.
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