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sergeantsporks · 1 year

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Spork I am begging on my hands and knees I know your the Hunter content blog but you also make the best Vee content I need my crops watered please

Because you asked nicely :)

Five bounced on the balls of her feet, watching all of the other campers stream onto the bus. She glanced back at her cabin, marked VII.

I should go.

I should run.

Camp had taught her enough about passing as a regular human that she could probably change her form to a more adult appearing one and get a job. Or she could just live on her own in the wilderness, they’d gone through a few survival skills, too.

But there had been nothing in any of the lessons about how to be Luz Noceda. And Luz Noceda was the girl expected back home. Besides, there was a portal. Luz could come back any time, would come back any time. She could already be back already, and Five didn’t have a way to tell.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder. Claire, the cooking class teacher. “Luz? Sweetheart, you’re the only one left, everyone’s ready to go.”

Too late.

“Can I stay here?” Five blurted, “Could I just stay and not go back home?”

Claire heaved a sigh. “Afraid not, snapdragon.”

“I could help with maintenance!”

Claire turned Five to face her. “I know it’s going to be hard to go back, Luz. Bullies are always going to find something to make fun of, and teachers sometimes won’t let go of the past. But do you remember what we talked about?”

“Don’t use explosives in your book report, ‘cuz that’ll get you expelled?”

“And someone could get hurt. But no, the other thing.”

“Don’t take live snakes to school, because it’s not fair to the snakes to get suddenly put in a new, scary place?”

Claire laughed. “Not that one either. About the bullies.”

Five sighed. “Find my safe people.”

“That’s right. The people who care about you matter much more than the people who want to hurt you, and they will always stand by you. And what was the other thing?”

“Pop them in the nose if they try to physically hurt me?”

“Technically, you didn’t hear that from me. For legal reasons. Bullies are just small people trying to look big, and in the end, they don’t get to say who you will be. Only you get to say that.” Claire turned Five towards the bus. “Your creativity is your strongest asset, but no one will see it if you stay here forever. Don’t get too carried away, but go out there and show them what you’re really made of.”

If Luz has come back, I could always just run then. Doesn’t look like I can get away now anyway.

Five took a deep breath. “Okay. Alright.”

“Atta girl. I’m rooting for you, Luz.”

Five climbed the steps to the bus, and the door hissed shut behind her, sealing her in. Masha gave her a short wave from their seat, patting the window seat next to them. “I gotcha, Luz!”

Find my safe people.

Five sat down next to Masha, watching out the window. Claire waved, getting smaller and smaller as the bus rolled out, leaving the camp behind.

“Finally, out of prison for good behavior,” Masha joked, “Man, I can’t wait to get back to my room. And the internet. I’ve missed the internet.”

Five leaned against the window. “Do you think things will be different? Back in Gravesfield?”

Masha snorted. “No way, they didn’t brainwash me at that camp.”

Five nudged them. “I know you had fun at that local history class.”

“Yeah, because there’s a lot of it in Old Gravesfield. I still can’t believe you’ve never been in the museum, or done rubbings in the graveyard. That was like, the only good part of school.”

“Wasn’t one of those trips the reason you got sent here?”

“You hide in and pop out of one excavated grave to scare your partner…”

The bus rolled from country to suburban, all the way to the center of Gravesfield. Masha stood up. “I see my dad. Are you getting off?”

Five pushed her hands into her hoodie pocket. “One more stop,” she whispered.

“Hey.” Masha grinned. “Not too late to run away.”

Even though they were joking (probably), Five’s stomach clenched.

I could get off and run. Get far, far away, start over.

“No, I’m staying. See you, Masha.”

“Cabin Seven forever. Don’t be a stranger, drop by sometime.”

Masha waved and headed down the steps. There were only a few kids left on the bus, and everyone sat alone. The bus rumbled down the road, finally, finally stopping near Luz’s house.

Full circle, Five.

She got out, grabbing her bag from under the bus.

“Luz!” Camila waved at her from the curb, then swept her up in a hug. “Hey, mija! I’ve missed you so much!”

Luz isn’t back.

For a moment, a worm of worry wiggled through her mind. Was the human okay? Was she stuck in the demon realm?

But then Camila squeezed her even tighter, and Five didn’t care anymore.

“Hi.” Five leaned into Camila, warmth spreading through her chest.

Found my safe people.

Maybe she didn’t know Camila that well—she’d only had the car ride to camp to get to know her. But here, wrapped up in her arms, Five almost felt like nothing could hurt her again. There weren’t any portals, any jailers, any chains. Just she and Camila and the warm sun on her face.

Camila let go. “Ooooo, I’m so glad you’re home, it’s been so quiet.” She picked up the bag, slinging it over her shoulder. “Did you make some new friends? Learn anything new? I want to hear all about camp. I mean, I’ve had your letters and your texts, of course, but I want to hear it from you.”

What if Luz never came back? She’d seemed happy enough in the demon realm, and from what Five had gathered over the last few months, she hadn’t exactly fit in here. Maybe she didn’t want to come back. Although how anyone could just ditch Camila was beyond her.

Maybe Five could just stay like this. Could stay Luz. No one had to know. And she could stay in warm hugs, in sunlight, in freedom.

“Luz?” Camila called from ahead of her, “Are you coming, mija?”

Five smiled, chasing after her. “Yeah. I’m coming.” She slipped her free hand into Camila’s. “Let’s go home.”

#toh #the owl house #vee noceda #camila noceda #toh masha #asks #writing requests #toh fanfiction #my writing

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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

( ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you

#bnha 325 #midoriya izuku #u.a. clown mob #class 1-a #aizawa shouta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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plush-rabbit · 3 years

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Coping with Homelessness

Request: So I'm homeless now aaaaaand to cope, can I get request Shigaraki, Dabi, and Mr Compress finding out their boyfriend is homeless?

A/N: Please take care of yourself! Im sure there are places you can go and people you can ask for help! Agencies, family, friends, just take care of yourself and one step at a time! (this is written before they met the league (dabi and compress) and shig’s is written after the kamino since thats when they lost their main base/house

Dabi:

A big part of his life was shaped from how he survived for so long. Dabi has faced homelessness and he knows about all the little things that could prove to be helpful. Being homeless isn’t easy- especially in a country where it’s looked down upon and isn’t like in other countries. There is no begging for money, there is no sleeping under a highway or behind a building; it’s sleeping by the river, staying hidden and trying to not inconvenience the working class. He faced homelessness when he had absolutely nothing and no one on his side, and because he cares for you, he’ll help you out.

There’s a big shift that comes from having a home and knowing that you’ll have a roof over your head, to nothing, to the fear of not knowing where you’ll sleep, the shame that fills one in having to know that wealth can be so easily taken away. He understands coming from wealth and having it burn at your fingertips. He understands your first few days of panic and dread and will be by your side a large majority of the time, not wanting you to be alone if this is your first time. He’s done this all before and he’ll help you out. He’ll find places for the both of you to crash where you can sleep without the worry of school children throwing rocks or the elements from the outdoors. Finding a place first, is the most important step in his eyes.

Due to quirks and the arise of people using them for bad, it’s common to find a few places that don’t discriminate based on who you are. Of course, it can only go so far, so when you bring in a man who has a body count, he has to stay behind or hide his appearance the best he can. He knows quite a few places where the food is edible, and the people are nice. You can’t be picky when you don’t have a home and it might take a bit of getting used to, but it’s manageable for the most part.

You’re his partner, he’s going to keep you around and take care of you. It hinders his ideals a bit to make sure that you’re safe, but he doesn’t mind. You both stick together and that’s what matters. Joining the League is a new home and with the promise of knowing that you all protect each other and handle difficulties together, it’s easier to handle the weight and shift of becoming homeless. He doesn’t want you to go through it alone, not like when he had to at such a young age. Plus, you’re young, and you know more than he did when he first left his home, you’ll have an easy time getting back on your feet. He’ll support you from the sidelines and make sure that you have everything that you need- or at least most of it.

It isn’t easy, and it’s all so new to you, but Dabi is there. He can act like he’s indifferent to the entire situation, but he cares. Your needs will always be met before his. He’ll let you sleep for a long time, not wanting for you to wake up and protect your stuff from going missing. He’ll let you take the bigger portion of a meal, and get in line before him when you go to gather supplies from social workers. He can go a day without eating if it means that you get to eat most things. There’s a bright side to a lot of things, and being with him, is a bright side of its own. He’s ruthless and has a flame quirk that will keep you both warm and provide light. There’s hardly any attack from the others that you do run across, but just in case, he’s there.

Sako Atsuhiro:

There’s always a plus side to keeping your identity hidden from the public for so long, and one of those is that you’re harder to find. The world can know his name, but his face remains a mystery and because of that, it’s easy to find places to keep the both of you safe. He’s been homeless before, had his few run-ins where he kept having to move. He knows what to do, and where it's safest to go. Atsuhiro knows that it isn’t easy and that it can be scary, but you aren’t alone in the affair, you have him and he just happens to be a showman whose quirk is helpful in gathering items that you need. There may be a whole security system to prevent people from stealing, but he isn’t like the others. If you ever need something, he’ll go into any store and leave with marbles in his pockets. You won’t go without anything when you’re with him.

He’s been homeless before and certainly knows what it's like, but once more, his quirk proves to be useful. It’s easy for him to blend in and hide you with him. He can sneak somewhere without being caught and will gladly bring you along with him. People don’t know his face, and as far as he’s concerned, you haven’t committed any type of crime, so it’s easy for the both of you to still go out and receive supplies from people who work at shelters or even spend a night there.

It’s no surprise that people can be cruel, and in the community of those that are homeless, there are a few bad seeds, but most people are trying to survive and be kind. It’s the citizens that believe they are better than others that you have to watch for. He’ll do his best to protect you and oftentimes, it means having to marble you away to avoid you getting mugged or at least protecting your things.

When the weather gets colder, he’ll offer to marble you for a bit so you aren’t exposed to the cold. Worry will consume him when you’re tucked away in his pocket, your marble pinched between his index and thumb as he stays up. He’s careful with you, so delicate as to not accidentally break you or release you from your glass entrapment. When you’re in there, it’s harder to protect you, but at least you aren’t in any danger from the outside and he already protects you when you’re so big, so this is nothing. He doesn’t want you to be out here, to worry and panic when you don’t know when your next meal will be, he’s got you right here, in his fingertips.

If you rather not be trapped inside of a marble, he only shrugs. He has a smug grin on his face and he acts hurt, but he understands. However, it’s still cold and you need to be protected before him. He’ll pull you close and wrap his coat around your shoulders and give you his gloves. The cold affects Atsuhiro a bit worse given his injury, but he won’t say anything about it; his main goal is to protect you. He’ll hold your hands in his and breathe war air against your palms as you try to fall asleep. It’s difficult, but you’re with him and he’s going to protect you for as long as he can. He doesn’t want this life for you, and he’ll always encourage you to take any opportunity that falls on your lap. He can be damned, but you deserve to have a home and a life.

Shigaraki Tomura:

Surprisingly, it’s Tomura that knows very little about being homeless. There was a point where as a child he wandered the streets, but that is such a distant memory that he can barely recall it. It’s only after the Kamino Incident, that he experiences being homeless. It’s new to him, and he doesn’t know what to do, but he’s a fighter, and he’s survived it. He had the League with him, and you not only have him, but you also have the League. He’s going to take care of you and try to give you what you need.

It’s a lot more difficult for him to blend into society given his quirk and appearance, but you aren’t like him. In his free time- before any of the League activities happened- he would frequent internet cafés where it was common to find people sleeping on the couches for a low fee. It might be scary, but you just have to hold onto your possessions as tight as you can. It’s warm and safe from the elements, and it’s better than what he can provide. He has run down buildings, but you can at least have air conditioning where you aren’t dying from the heat. If you rather not, then he understands, He won’t push for you to sleep or stay where you don’t want to. He’ll take care of you and will keep you with him at that point.

He tries to not care, to be apathetic to you, but he cares so much. He’ll tell you that being homeless isn’t rare, and that it is a very real possibility that people rather not think about, but he never expected it to happen to you. He understands that it’s difficult to not have the things that you normally had at your touch, after the incident he lost a lot of his belongings, so he gets it. It takes him a bit of getting used to learning how to be nice and empathetic rather than telling you to get over it, but he learns, and he’ll nod and offer some words of encouragement that when everything is done, he’ll get you better versions of what you had before. At the end of he say, he cares, and he'll show his true colors after a sad look.

You will come first for him- always. He’ll give you a share of his rations, will make sure that when you two go and look for food, it’s you who gets the biggest cut. He’ll do his best to put you first for whatever he can get a hold of. Food is difficult to come by after a while and with his notoriety, you can’t really be picky. However, the amount of effort he will put in for you to look for food that he knows that you like or can stomach, is outstanding. He wants what is best for you and will always give you that. Whatever he can get a hold of, will be yours before it can be anyone else’s.

With you being one of the few people that he cares for in the world, he tries to do a lot for you. There is hardly a time where he will not fight with and for you. It’s you that he puts first, even before himself, and he’ll always make that wherever you sleep for the night, you have the soft side of the bed, or the softest couch, or the one with less springs. Tomura isn’t a romantic by any means, but he really does care a lot for you. He won’t show it in the traditional sense with flowers or sweets, but he will show it by giving you what he can. Once he has the Paranormal Liberation Front, he gives you so much. It’s almost as if he’s trying to make up for the time where he couldn’t give you everything.

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bitchesgetriches · 4 years

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Noble citizens of the aspirationally decadent Conglomerated Nation of Bitches Get Riches: let’s have a lil’ chat, shall we? It’s been a while since we chatted about our favorite topic: ourselves!

We hope you’ve enjoyed season two of the Bitches Get Riches podcast. Recording it was a bright spot for us during this dumpster fire of a year, so thank you all for listening.

As we wrap up another season, we had a few notes to share with you. Including some more personal reflections about how we’re doing, where we’re at, and what the future holds.

Let’s get into it!

Merch is back online

If you visited our Etsy shop in the last few months, you might’ve noticed the physical merch—tee shirts and coffee mugs and tote bags and such—wasn’t listed anymore. Basically, when lockdowns started, it caused a lot of disruption and delays on orders. Not wanting people to be stuck waiting for stuff, we decided to take it all offline, and only offer digital merch.

As of today, we’ve reactivated everything! But please keep in mind that there may still be delays, depending on what’s happening in the world! We appreciate your patience, if patience is indeed called for.

Visit Our Etsy Shop

Season one transcripts

Next, we wanted to let you guys know that we now have transcripts available for season one of the Bitches Get Riches podcast!

We’re committed to making BGR as accessible as we possibly can. We know that some people can’t hear, or struggle to absorb information aurally, so transcripts were something we’ve always wanted to offer.

… But, you know, at the end of the day, we’re just two people! Transcribing and editing audio is time- and labor-intensive work, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day for us to do it along with the fifteen million other things we have to do.

We were able to offer season one transcripts thanks entirely to A Purple Life, a peerlessly talented and wonderful fellow blogger who selflessly made it happen. (If you don’t already read her stuff, you’ve already disobeyed us, as we commanded you to in 10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now. And for that, we’re strongly considering smiting you.)

We’re incredibly thankful to Purple for her hard work on this. But we also feel strongly that this DESERVES to be paid work! So the release of season two transcripts is dependent on getting more Patreon donors to offset funding it.

Season 1, Episode 1: “Should I Tell My Boss I’m Looking for Another Job?”

Season 1, Episode 2: “How Should I Behave on My First Day at Work?”

Season 1, Episode 3: “My Parents Have Bad Credit. Should I Help by Co-signing Their Mortgage?”

Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Season 1, Episode 5: “I Don’t Love My Job, but It Pays Well. Should I Quit—or Tough It Out?”

Season 1, Episode 6: “I Lent My Boyfriend Money. He Took It to a Casino.”

Season 1, Episode 7: “I’m Terrible at Budgeting. Do I Suck It Up—Or Is There Another Way?”

Season 1, Episode 8: “My Mother Demands Information About My One-Night Stands.”

Season 1, Episode 9: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”

Season 1, Episode 10: “I Want a Pedigreed Dog. She Wants a Rescue Mutt. It Turned into a Fight… and the Fight Got Ugly.”

Season 1, Episode 11: “I Feel Cornered by a Friend Who Keeps Asking to Borrow Money.”

Season 1, Episode 12: “Should I Believe the Fear-Mongering about Another Recession?”

Bonus Episode: Merry Bitchmas! The 2019 Star-Studded Holiday Spectacular

For transcripts, scroll to the bottom of each episode and click “episode transcript.” Or read them directly in the podcast player of your choice!

Podcast reviews

We also super wanted to thank all the people who’ve etched their names in blood upon the dusty pages of our dark grimoire written reviews for the show on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and other places!

We are beyond flattered by the kind things you guys have said about us. Like MoonPetalLily, who described us as “the snarky older sisters [they] wish [they] had.”

FunshineKelly said our “advice helped [them] land a $20k raise and a signing bonus without crying even a little bit.” GOOD! We don’t support tears in the workplace! Not even in the sanctity of your car parked way in the corner of the parking lot. Keep it together!

And God bless MelHubbs, who said, and I quote:

They’re prepared, and still relaxed; informative, and still light-hearted; comforting, and still sexual. It’s everything you could ever want in a podcast, in an internet personality, in your sisters-in-arms against the terrible war between capitalism and what humans actually need to survive & thrive. One of my favorite things about them is that they don’t have any corporate sponsors or ads, so you know what they’re saying is what they mean, not what their advertisers want them to say. If you’re able, support them on Patreon! If you’re not, listen to their podcast, take their advice to heart, reflect on your options, make your moves, then, with your newfound financial independence, become a patreon!

MelHubbs, you joyful sonnet!

Your review is so good that it reads suspiciously like something we paid you to write! But we’re too cheap for that—IT REAL!

Bitches Get Riches at the crossroads

All right. Time to level with you guys.

In keeping with 2020’s overarching theme (“everything is pure shit”), this year has become a real “shit or get off the pot” moment for the two of us.

Although I’m comfortable and doing fine, Piggy is still unemployed. And last week she received the last unemployment check she’s entitled to. It sucks. And it’s scary.

Being a partnership is awesome in almost every way. But one way that it sucks is that we have to earn double the amount of money to be truly profitable! (And no, before you ask, it’s not possible for us to only pay Piggy. Believe me, that was our original plan—but it turns out that’s not allowed in a 50/50 legal partnership. We must pay ourselves equally, or Uncle Sam will spank us. And he doesn’t do it in the sexy way—only the traumatic way!)

Piggy is doing okay for now. She has freelancing work, and an intact emergency fund. But understandably, anxiety and worry take their toll. She’s pushing through it, but it’s hard. Creativity and passion can’t thrive for long without some measure of safety and stability.

During these scary times, our Patreon community has been a lifeline. As more and more of you have joined us, it’s slowly crept up from grocery money to grocery and utility bill money! So thank you, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts thank you to those who’ve stepped up and joined.

But we’re kind of at a crossroads. Because of Piggy’s situation, we really need it to become “paying the mortgage” money. And it’s gotta get there pretty fast. Otherwise, it’s just not fair to ask Piggy to invest so much of her time in Bitches Get Riches, when she could be taking on higher paying freelancing work to keep herself afloat.

And trust me, you do not want a BGR that’s too Kitty-heavy. I am longwinded af, slowly losing my abilities to think and spell, and take every possible detour to inject disgusting sexual comments wherever they are least germane (although idk maybe you’re here for that).

Our new goal for ourselves, and you

With all of that in mind, we have a new goal: to produce season three of our podcast, we need 500 total Patreon donors.

Today we have… 294. So that’s, uhhhhh… a really ambitious goal!

It’s probably too ambitious. We’re probably gonna fail. Who cares, it’s 2020! The planet is on fire and god is already dead, so we have no reason not to give it our all!

We are leaving this in your hands. We—Piggy and I—believe that the world would be a better place if people could hear reliable, relatable financial wisdom funded by regular people, untainted by corporate sponsors with deep pockets who want us to push their capitalist crap upon you. And 294 of you have already demonstrated that you believe that too. Thank you, thank you, infinity thank yous to all of you who are already a part of our Patreon community. You are shining stars that smell faintly of vanilla.

For the rest of you: if you like what we do and you want us to keep doing it, please show us that you believe in it too. You can do that by joining us at the Bitches Get Riches Patreon.

We hope to be back soon for a third season. Until then, stay safe, stay sane, wear your masks, triple-check that you’re registered to vote, and save room for dessert. (What’s for dessert? So glad you asked—it’s the rich!)

For now, Bitches OUUUTTTTT!

Join the Bitches on Patreon

#etsy #merch #bitches get riches #patreon #donations #personal finance #financial advice #money #adulting #money advice #advice #adulting advice

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babiesdreams · 3 years

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Hi, can I request an nct (you can do Ot23 or a specific unit, that's up to you!) reaction to you self harming? 👉👈🥺 If you don't want to write it, that's ok, of course ❤️❤️ Thank you!!!

I can. But as I always say, please if you feel represented by this, get help, reach out to someone to talk about this issues and remember that there’s always an option. Feel free to message me and find this blog as your safe zone. Everyone’s welcome in here.

Self harm +18 (Because of the topic, not sexual things involved) Ot23

Warnings: Mentions of blood, self harm, mental issues, angsty stuff.

Taeyong 🌹 : He notices before it’s too late. He knows the process you normally go through before doing it, so when he notices, he quickly stops you. He gets you out of the bathroom and talks to you, calming you down with his words, trying to make sense of his and your messy thoughts. He reminds you how much time you’ve been without doing it and how he’s proud of you.

Taeil 🌕 : His eyes can’t get off your hand, holding a sharp pair of scissors, looking at how blood comes out from your recently cutted skin. Tears fall down his cheeks, as he stays still, unable to move a single muscle. “How... I-” His stutter makes you drop the scissors onto the floor. You start crying along with him, regretting absolutely everything. Taeil’s mind is stuck in a “What did I do wrong?” mindset for a while, thinking he should have done more.

Johnny 🐱 : He screams as soon as he sees you “Stop!” You can basically hear his heart breaking, and that kills you. “I- I-” You try to explain yourself, but there isn’t really an explanation to your habit, so you stutter, not knowing what to say or do. “You don’t need to say anything, I’m here, everything will be alright okay?” He hugs you for a long time and makes sure you never get to that stent again.

Yuta 🐙 : “Why is your... What happened?” He doesn’t quite understand at first, as it’s something he never pictured you to be doing, ever. You have to explain everything to him, calmed down and as racionally as you possibly can, and he’ll be cuddling you for a long while.

Kun 🐻 : “What’s this?” He asks brushing over your recent scars. You can’t hold back your tears while explaining what you were doing. He listens to you patiently, trying to calm you down as much as he can. He comforts you and makees sure you get the help you need.

Doyoung 🐰 : You are the one who tells him. “Why would you...” He tries speak his mind but prefers to keep some things to himself to avoid hurting you. “Just know you can trust in me okay? Everytime you feel like doing it come to me and we’ll talk, just... Don’t ever do it again please”

Ten 🐱 : “What are these bruises babe? Did someone harm you?” You felt ridiculous, how were you gonna explain to him that you were basically beating yourself up? How are you supposed to explain that? “I- um” After you explain him the situation he would get concerned about your behaviours, even if you didn’t think it was that important, it’s still a form of self harm. “You need to get help before this get worse. Even if I’m here, you need a professional”

Jaehyun 🍑 : “We need to talk” His serious tone has you wishing he won’t break up with you or something like that, but when he brings up the topic, you wish you were death, under the ground, just not there. You get how it’s something important to talk about, but it’s also embarrassing to feel exposed like that. “I’m not judging you babe, I’m just worried because you’re not seeing a problem in here”

Winwin 🐥 : He’s sad about it, but he hides it so damn well. He keeps calm and stays serious, in ways you never seen him before, but when you’re not watching he cries rivers. The simple thought of losing you is just too much for him and he can’t hold back tears.

Jungwoo 🐶 : You let the overall fall into the ground, revealing your naked body, along with your scars and cuts. You never felt so exposed in your life, but you were also happy it was him you showed it to. “I’m glad you decided to stop doing it and being so brave to show me baby, just thank you for trusting me”

Lucas 🦁 : Drops the bags he was holding and runs towards you. “What did you- Baby, no- Stop this has to stop. What do you need? Whatever it is I’ll get it for you just don’t please-” He’s so heartbroken. You’re everything for him and seeing you at your lowest just breaks him.

Mark 🐆 : “No hey, hey stop” He says when you start crying out of nowhere. “What happened? Tough day?” You shake your head, not knowing how to bring the conversation up. “I-” You simply say, showu¡ing him your recent cuts, starting to heal. “What’s wrong? Why didn′t you talk to me baby? Were you scared of my reaction?” You simply nod and hug him, letting your feelings explode suddenly. “Just, We’ll get some help for you okay?”

Xiaojun 🦕 : “I know I can seem cold, but don’t you trust me enough for this baby? I wouldn’t even judge you, I just wanna help you. Will you let me?” His words get you feeling even more emotional, as if you were doing something wrong. “I will, trust you Xiaojun, it’s just, I’ve never told anyone before and..” You are not able to finish your sentence before you burst into tears. “I’ts alright sweetie” He says hugging you tightly.

Hendery 🐴 : Asks you a lot about it. “Why did you do it? But when did you get that thought? Can I do something to help?” He’s truly helpless but the way he tries makes you feel better about it. He makes you realize you do need help, and proffessional one, people who will understand it even better than you. And his cuddles just brush the pain away.

Renjun 🦊 : He’s worried about your health in general, as you barely eat, don’t take care of yourself and basically sleep all day long. He’s concious of the risks of this kind of live, and it makes him wonder how far it could go. He basically talks it out with you and helps you get back to your normal self. It’s a tough path but having him besides you makes it better.

Jeno 🐶 : “Okay, first let’s get bandaids, and then we’ll talk okay?” He takes care of your injuries, keeping his calmed nature. “There’s nothing to worry about baby, this will never happen again, because I’m here okay?” You nod, still frowning uncontrollably. “Come here” He says pulling you into a hug. “Calm down okay? calm down” He whispers while drawing patterns on your neck.

Haechan 🐻 : Silence feels the room, as both of your eyes look at each other. The intense exchange is really scary to you. He’s just too broken and the fact that you did it with your own actions, kills you inside. “I can explain-” You say. But the tears falling down the boy’s cheeks stop you from talking anymore. “Never again please” are the only words he’s able to say while you embrace him. “I promise” You whisper in his ear. “Pinky promise?” He asks and you nod, repeating his words. “Pinky promise”

Jaemin 🐰 : You were sleeping on his chest and, in between carresses he finds out some recent scars on your skin. At first he’s terrified, not knowing what to do. But after searching for info on the internet he decides to confront you. He makes a whole plan on how to tell you, gives you different phones from mental health clinics nearby, buys you chocolate and all your favourite snacks and tries to make some positive memories out of it, to give you some hope about your future.

Yangyang 🐑 : “You said you needed to talk?” He asks scared. You nod at him and try to keep calm as you expose your concerns and alarming recent behaviours. “I just thought you needed to know..” He nods, still processing your words. “You know I’ll be here, no matter what happens, so don’t be ashamed or reserved about your feelings okay? I won’t judge you”

Shotaro 🦦 : You talk to him, why you’ve been hiding your body lately, why you felt so bad, so not you, so ugly and terrible. And even if he gets upset by the words you use to describe yourself, he tries his best to understand your feelings. “I also feel like that sometimes Y/n but this is not the way. Please just don’t ever do it again”

Chenle 🐬 : “Did you burn your hand cooking something?” He asks and you inmediately start sweating. It’s not how people usually see self harm so it was easier to lie about it, but why would you lie to him? So after a long time thinking, you tell him about it, making sure he understands your concerns and why you did it and everything. He tries his best to get your point but recommends you to talk it out with a professional rather than himself.

Sungchan 🦌 : “Okay so you’re not eating, barely do anything, hide yourself from the world and you want me to think you’re fine? I’m not stupid Y/n, you can trust me you know?” You look at him in the eyes and sigh, knowing he’s right. “Okay, but it’s not that important...” He would be hugging you the whole time.

Jisung 🐹 : He’s shaking, scared of what he’s seeing. He can’t belive you did that. He can’t believe he didn’t notice before. He blames himself for hours, there’s no way he did the right thing. He was supposed to be your support and instead he didn’t notice you were harming yourself. “I’m so sorry baby” He would say before hugging you.

——————————————————————

Masterlist –requests open– How to request? Check out your score.

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bidotorg · 3 years

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Musician, Scientist, and Activist. Meet Carlos Castaño.

My name is Carlos Castaño. I was born on April 16th, 1987 in Béjar, a small town near Salamanca (Spain). However, I’ve been living in Madrid for the last 12 years where I work as a Ph.D. scientist researching molecular biology. I love movies, books, nature, and music. I actually play the keyboard and sing in a rock band called Me Quito el Cráneo!

Turns out, I am also bisexual. This took me a lot of time to figure out and the bisexual group of COGAM (an LGBT association from Madrid) was very relevant in this process. Having a safe place where bi people could just be themselves showed me what bisexuality really was and allowed me to embrace my identity and live my life to its fullest. I started my bi activism in this group, which I am currently coordinating with other bi activists.

In time, I joined the bisexual area of FELGTB (Spanish LGBT Federation), which is one of Spain’s main LGBT organisations made of LGBT groups from all over Spain. Here, I was part of the group of bi activists coordinating FELGTB Bisexual Visibility Year in 2016, which increased bi visibility in Spain. This was the first time I came out as bisexual publicly (in national papers or TV news). It was very, very scary, but also, very rewarding in the end. At the moment I am part of the FELGTB main board, a team made of nine LGBT activists from different areas of Spain working to improve the life of LGBT people from Spain and the rest of the world.

How long have you been out and who was the hardest person to tell?

I’ve been out for four years and a half.

The hardest person to tell was probably my mother, even though she and my father had raised me in an open-minded environment. At first, she did not understand what being bisexual was and she accepted me nonetheless. This acceptance increased when, bit by bit, I explained to her about bisexuality, bi-erasure, and so on. This made me so happy.

Who is your bi icon?

My bi icons are the Spanish bi activists that worked before me. They paved the way so my activism and my life would be much easier than it was for them. And of course, the bi activists that are currently working all over Spain to fight biphobia and increase bi visibility.

What is your greatest extravagance or indulgence?

I've got plenty of those but I would say that my greatest extravagance is that sometimes, when I am alone with my husband, we speak to each other using some sort of a made-up cat language (just using “meows”) and, oddly enough, we understand each other! It’s super weird!

As for my indulgence, I use to eat food that I like as a reward for the work that I do, so on Saturdays, after a looong week, I often eat a large dish of pasta with cheese and Lea & Perrins sauce using my mum’s recipe.

What do you like most about yourself?

I can multitask! I am a scientific researcher, a musician, a writer, and an activist. I think that’s cool… and a bit exhausting.

What was your last post on social media?

Two tweets saying how much I loved the movie Ralph Breaks the Internet and how I probably enjoyed it more than the kids that were watching it.

Where would you most like to live?

I love Madrid. I got everything I need in this city… although sometimes I miss the countryside where I grew up… but I can get to my hometown by car in less than three hours and enjoy nature.

Would you like to be famous? If so, for what?

My only ambition is to sleep eight hours a day, which I rarely do, even on weekends! I think being famous would demand less sleeping for me, so no thanks!

What do you know now that you wish you’d known when you were 18?

That studying a lot, getting a degree, a master and even a Ph.D. would not necessarily get me a good job. I would tell myself “stay away from science, lad!!!”.

What are you the most grateful for today?

My family, my friends, and my husband.

If you could change any one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I wouldn’t change that much. I was lucky enough that my parents always told me that I would be loved no matter who I loved. Of course, they never taught me that bisexuality was a thing, but then, they didn’t know!

If you could wake up tomorrow with one new quality or skill, what would you choose?

I would love to have the ability to sleep whenever I wanted, for the exact time that I wanted. That would be awesome.

What’s your fandom?

I love way too many fictional stories or characters that I find inspiring and have contributed to my view of the world. For example, I love Doctor Who because of the witty anti-violence and feminist stories, or the Final Fantasy videogame series as they have some of my favourite stories and characters, especially Yuna from Final Fantasy X.

What trophy or prize do you most covet?

I don’t recall winning any trophies in my life, to be honest! Does a Ph.D. fellowship count as some kind of prize? If so, this definitely the prize I most covet!

What is something you remember fondly that someone who is now a baby will not grow up with or understand from personal experience?

Jokes from Monkey Island or The Simpsons that some younger people than me don’t understand. How can they communicate without using jokes from The Simpsons!?

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Courage, probably.

What stereotype about bi people annoys you the most in your own life?

I just hate the stereotype that says that bi men are actually gay men in denial, or that bi women are just straight women “playing." It is oftentimes used as a joke in a very harmful way because it shames people’s internalized biphobia or/and homophobia. When you think about it, it’s incredibly cruel.

Your house is on fire and all people and animals are already out and safe. You get a chance to run back in safely and save a single possession. What would it be?

Nah, I think that I would enjoy the company of the people and animals that are out and safe! It’s not like I don’t care for my possessions but, my favourite music I can find on Spotify, my favourite books are in my ebook (and could be retrieved if my device broke), most of the video games I own I have already finished so I wouldn’t need to buy them again. After moving a lot from house to house I’ve learned not to accumulate much, or I will suffer the consequences when I have to leave one house and move to the next. And it’s not like I (or most people my age) can afford a house in Madrid so…

Who’s your favorite bi character?

Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who and Torchwood.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, living or from history, with whom would you want to sit down and have dinner?

I believe that we often have these fantasies of meeting some celebrity or person from history that we admire. However, I have the theory that these role models are idealized, so it is highly likely that we would be disappointed when finally meeting them. Therefore, I’d rather have dinner with someone I have already met and admire. My answer is definitely my late grandfather and grandmother.

What is the best thing about being bi?

Being bi is like being a double agent. You know that what most people think about dating men or women is wrong. For example, straight men that complain about how difficult is to communicate with the women they date don’t know that this also happens when men date men. Having dated men that see and treat you as an object helped me to understand painfully well everything that my female friends were complaining about all the time. It gives you a great gender perspective and an out-of-the-binary view of the world that I find very rewarding. Of course, being bi does not necessarily make me a better person but I feel that all that I have learned from my bisexuality may help make the world a better place.

*If you are interested in being featured as part of bi.org What Bi Looks Like series, please fill out the form here.

#bi #bisexual #bisexuality #bi pride #bi visibility #what bi looks like #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer

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flooffybits · 4 years

Text

The Reason

Idol: Jennie Kim (Blackpink)

As much as Jennie would love to keep her private life separate from her work life, management would do whatever they could just to force her into the spotlight and do their best to intrude in the safe space that she had. Now, the public is left wondering what could have been the actual reason for her and Kai’s split.

The moment Jennie woke up, she could feel her energy being drained out of her body. After the meeting she had with YG a while back, she just didn’t feel like dealing with everything and to just curl up on your side.

Her name was all over the internet and it wasn’t for the right reasons.

A picture of her and Kai was taken when the male had bumped into her and they decided that it would be nice to hang out with each other since they were apparently headed to the same location and they haven’t really seen each other in a long while aside from shows.

Sadly, Dispatch had taken the whole thing into a different direction, throwing the pair into a mess they didn’t want to be involved in. Though Kai was a nice guy, she just wasn’t interested because she only ever saw him as a friend and was already in a relationship that she refused to let people butt into.

In the end, both companies released statements, confirming the “relationship” and Jennie ended up with the problem of how to tell you what was actually going on, but knowing you, she was already sure that you were trying to understand the position she was in before saying anything because Jennie was and always will be a faithful and loyal person.

Your relationship was more than the rumors and the things her company puts out and she was thankful for that.

“I swear, I’m not mad.” You assured her while grabbing her hand. Of course, it came as a shock, but when she told you the first time about those pictures. Still, you believed her without hesitation, being she was with you before she left that time.

Jennie was not the type to throw away something for the sake of temporary satisfaction, especially not a relationship that started even before her fame. Though you had to put that relationship on hold until her dating ban was lifted, you were still there for her and the girls. It honestly made no sense to any of you why you decided to do so when you still acted the way you did around each other and the fact that Jennie often slept at your place when she could.

Her members were the only ones who knew about you, but they respected both of your relationship and avoided bringing you into the the spotlight, which was how Jennie was able to keep you away from prying eyes. Even when she took you out to dates, it was always a wonder how no one was able to spot you after all these years.

But even with your relationship going the way it was, Jennie could tell that it was taking a bit of a toll on you with how people were constantly pushing her and Kai together.

“Babe, the girls were wondering if they could drop by?” The idol called out while you were busy washing the dishes since she was the one to cook lunch for the two of you. “That’s fine, but don’t any of you have anything planned today?” You question, head cocked slightly while finishing up.

Jennie shook her head even though she knows you aren’t looking at her. “No, we’re all pretty much done with today. They said that they wanted to see you again because it’s also been a while.” She explained while walking closer to wrap her arms around you from behind, resting her chin on your shoulder and making you smile.

“Well, I don’t mind if they come over. We can all have dinner together.” You suggest and Jennie beams while pecking your cheek as you dry your hands just so you could turn in her arms and wrap your own around her, holding her close as she snuggled against your chest.

You both stand there for a few more minutes and Jennie lets out a small sigh, tightening her arms around you. “Is something wrong, love?” You ask her and she merely hums before shaking her head. “I just love you.” She replied, and a smile crept up her lips when she heard the way your heart beat quicken since she has yet to pull her head away from your chest.

“I love you, too.”

“I swear, I’m trying to get back as soon as possible.” You let out a huff of air, running your fingers through your air as you listened to your girlfriend speak through the phone. “Jen, our reservations are in ten minutes and you’re still with Kai.”

“I know, I know, but we’re about to leave, and-”

“Jennie, don’t bother. Even if you do leave now, the trip is going to be at least half an hour.” You tell her, and you hear the disgruntled sound come from her end that you know she’s distressed. “I’m so sorry, Y/n, I swear I didn’t mean for this to happen again.”

It wasn’t the first time that Jennie had to cancel or totally forget about a date and every time that it happened, she would try her best to make up for it. Lately, fans have noticed that she heads a different place instead of the dorms, so she had to avoid staying over too much or just head to your place late at night when she’s sure she can hide away from the public eye.

“I know, Jen.” You sigh while leaning back against the couch and there’s a pause that makes you unsure whether she’s still on the line or not, but she speaks up a while after. “We’re okay, right?”

The sound of her voice was so quiet, so weak, and it made your heart crack as you replied. “Of course. We’ve been through worse than a few missed dates.” You try to lighten up the mood, but the lack of her reaction makes you know that it doesn’t work.

“Just come home, please.”

“I’m always going to come home to you.”

This wasn’t meant to happen.

Jennie pulled away abruptly, her hand over her mouth as her eyes widened. The male stumbles, his face showing concern as he gently gripped her wrist. “Are you alright? I d-didn’t mean to…” But his words die out in Jennie’s mind as she quickly steps away from the boy and spun around, making a quick excuse to head home.

While they agreed that this would all be fake, she hoped that things would not end up like this. Kai was not supposed to be more affectionate. He wasn’t supposed to constantly text her. He wasn’t supposed to fall for her. He wasn’t supposed to kiss her.

Yet, she allowed it.

As brief as it was, it took her a moment before she remembers that this was wrong and that she had you waiting for her.

Tears spring to her eyes as she hurries to the van waiting for her and she asks to be brought to the dorm while she grabs her phone and dials Jisoo’s number while she desperately tried to stop her tears from falling.

“Jendeukie, aren’t you in a meeting?” The older girl immediately greets her, but the moment she hears her whimpering does her member sound serious. “What’s wrong?” The question was all that it took for a sob to tear through her throat. “We kissed.”

It takes a beat, but Jisoo is quickly shooting her questions, a bit panicked as she tried to understand if she had heard her friend properly. “What do you mean you kissed?”

But she doesn’t have the mental state to explain, especially not when she’s on the phone. She needs something to help ground her, so she had to see her friends before she could do anything more. “I’m headed to the dorm.” She manages between sobs and Jisoo gives her an okay, staying on the line until the younger girl arrived.

She made sure to keep her face covered while hurrying inside where Lisa throws the door open and she’s being pulled into the safety of their dorm.

“Jennie!” The younger girl instantly wraps her into a comforting hug whilst leading her to the living room where the other two are waiting.

Jisoo stands from the couch, Chaeyoung following suit as Lisa helps her to the couch while she buries her face to her hands.

“Jennie, you have to talk to us. Come on, we need to know so we can help you.” Jisoo gently coaxed her as she rubbed her back in a soothing manner. “Take a deep breath.” Chaeyoung grabbed a few tissues to wipe her face and Jennie felt a bit more at ease with her friends surrounding her.

They let her breathe for a few minutes, waiting until she’s calm and ready to speak, until she eventually does, explaining what went on with the date and how she picked up on Kai’s uncharacteristic behavior, up to when he had kissed her.

“I didn’t stop him or push him away. I let it happen!” She was tearing up again at the reminder and her friends tried to comfort her the best they could. “You haven’t told Y/n, then.” She nodded, curling up into herself. “I know that I have to, but I just… I’m scared of what could happen.”

She’s had to let you go once in order for her to pursue her career, but you were still by her side, the break being a mutual thing. She still saw you and she was still able to spend time with you. But this was a completely different case.

If she told you, breaking up would be permanent. She couldn’t see you nor could she talk to you this time if it were to happen. And she just couldn’t take it, even just by thinking about that possibility. You’ve been through everything together that she actually believes that you are the one.

She believed in a future with you and now, she’s basically ruined that future.

“Jennie, listen.” Surprisingly, Chaeyoung is the first to speak, fixing her with a stealy gaze. “You told us everything, right? This is the whole truth?” Immediately, she nods her head, having said every detail of what happened.

“Then tell Y/n the same thing. If there’s anyone who will understand you, it’s them.” Lisa nods to her best friend’s words. “You’ve both been through so many things together, and this might be another tough challenge, but I’m sure you can both talk it out.”

“But I let it happen. I cheated!”

“Jennie.” Jisoo calls her, and the younger girl turns her head so their eyes lock. “Kai kissed you. Did you kiss back?” She shakes her head. “You don’t feel anything for Kai?” Again, she shakes her head and Jisoo crosses her arms. “Then let Y/n know that. I know that it’s scary, but they deserve to know that this happened no matter what.”

Her friends were right.

Your relationship has always been built on trust and communication. That’s why you worked so well together. Even when things got difficult, neither of you failed in letting the other know what was wrong or how you felt. It helped you both work on the problem. If either of you were too stressed or angry, you’d take a while in different rooms or places just to calm down before coming back to settle everything.

Because at the end of the day, no problem could take away your love for each other.

When the girls are finally sure that she’s okay and in a better head space, they offer to bring her to your place, but she politely declines, wanting to take this issue on her own.

She sends you a text, asking if you were home, to which you reply with just having arrived from work, so she hurries to get there so she has enough time, just in case.

“I need to talk to you.” She doesn’t give you the time to greet her, because as soon as she’s there, she’s trying her best to prevent herself from breaking down right on the spot. And you can see right through her because Jennie is usually collected. Though she had her moments of weakness, she has never looked so desperate.

So you let her speak, not once cutting her off as the words flew out of her mouth as she withheld herself from touching you, you noted. Her hands were clenched tight and her eyes kept glancing over to your own, wanting to be able to hold you yet she stayed in her seat because she knows she has no right to do so.

When she finishes, her eyes search for yours in a desperate attempt to find some sort of sign. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and she grew even more scared when the silence went on. Your face was so unreadable, where she was usually able to perceive what was going on inside your head.

“Y/n, please say something.” She pleaded. She needed to hear you say something - cry, scream, curse her, anything. At least she would know what you were thinking.

You blink at her, licking your lips before slowly shaking your head. “I-I… Jennie, I don’t know what to tell you.” You say quietly and she whimpers with how helpless you sounded. “Anything! You can shout, tell me you’re mad at me or that you hate me.” Despite not wanting to actually here that, she just needed something from you.

You let your eyes fall down to your hands, because, yes, this does hurt, much more than any fight the both of you had been in. Being in this publicity stunt, you know that there were going to be instances that your trust and Jennie’s faithfulness was going to be put to the test, but you just didn’t want it to actually happen this way.

“I can’t… say that I’m okay, because that would be a very big lie.” Jennie held her breath as you spoke. “I know that you didn’t want it to happen, and I know that he doesn’t know about us, but you could have stopped him… so why didn’t you?”

A heavy silence settled in the room and Jennie clenched her fists tightly as she curled into herself because she had no idea why she didn’t stop him. Her thoughts were such a mess and she couldn’t form a proper sentence, something you could see, so you let out a breath and slowly stood up.

“I think… I think we need to breathe, Jen.”

“W-What?”

You purse your lips before breathing out and running your fingers through your hair. “We can’t talk about this now. It’s late, we’re both tired and running high on emotions. Let’s take a breather and think for now before we can properly talk about the whole thing.”

She looks like she’s about to protest, but there’s a meaningful look in your expression that has her shutting up. At least you weren’t throwing her out or breaking up with her. Yet.

“Get some sleep.” You make the first move of getting off the couch and Jennie quickly springs to her feet, allowing herself, this time, to grab your hand. “Y/n, I-”

Cutting her off, you gently take her hand away from yours, only to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, your right hand cupping her cheek, caressing it in a soothing manner as you shut your eyes. “I love you.” Was all you said before moving toward the guest room, meaning you were letting her take your bedroom.

You weren’t sure what to expect the day after Jennie confessed about what happened. You thought that she might be in the kitchen like she usually would because she always made it a point to make breakfast for the two of you.

But when you woke up, it was relatively quiet. There was no sound of footsteps or the usual humming. So, you made your way to the bedroom to check if she was possibly asleep, only to see it empty. There were no signs of the idol anywhere in your apartment.

“Maybe she went to work.” You tell yourself while heading to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee since you couldn’t exactly sleep the night prior due to your thoughts running rampant in your head. You ended up falling asleep near three in the morning after tossing and turning with a few tears managing their way out of your tired eyes.

Did Jennie get some sleep?

Even with what happened, you knew that you weren’t going to simply let go of her. She had been honest, and it wasn’t entirely her fault. She was forced in a position that she never asked for and it was clear that there was nothing else to happen since she admitted to leaving as soon as she pushed Kai away.

The ringing of your phone catches your attention, so you bring your mug with you before seeing Jisoo’s saved name flashing on the screen. Curious, you pick it up before pressing the device to your ear.

“Hey, Jisoo. What can I do for you?” You ask and she immediately replies with a question. “Have you spoken to Jennie?” Blinking, you set your mug down and frown slightly. “If it’s about what happened with Kai, yeah. She told me last night but we haven-”

“Y/n, she stormed into YG this morning and they just released a statement.” She cut you off and your brows pinch together in confusion. “What statement? Is she with you?” Your heart was suddenly beating too fast out of nervousness. “No, she left a little while ago, but I hope you can both talk now.”

After bidding each other goodbye, there’s a knock on your door. Jennie had the key to your apartment, so it couldn’t be her, right?

Your question was soon answered by said girl standing there, her tired expression coming into your view that it breaks your heart with how small she looked. “Where-”

Her arms are quickly around your waist and her face is buried to your neck, prompting you to circle your own arms around her while rubbing her back as she clutched onto your shirt. “I’m ready to talk.” She whispers quietly and you nod, leading her to the living room and taking a seat on the couch with her.

She has yet to let go of you and you let her while raking your fingers through her hair. “I talked to the company about the relationship.” She started. “I told them that I wasn’t going to keep doing it, then I also talked to Kai to clear everything up with him.”

To say you were surprised would be an understatement. Not only did she tell Kai that she was already in a relationship, she even spoke with her company. “Management couldn’t have been that easy to convince, though.” She shakes her head. “It wasn’t, but I told them that I wasn’t going to keep doing it, because the whole thing is taking my time away from you.” She clasped your hand in hers.

“Instead of seeing you, I’m forced to be out there with someone I don’t even feel an ounce of love for, and that isn’t right. I don’t care about the company, I don’t care about the image if it means I’m going to lose you.” She says all this while finding the courage to look you in the eyes.

“But this is your dream, Jen.” She shakes her head while tightening her hold on your hand. “This job, I can live without it because I have so much more opportunities waiting for me. YG can say whatever they want but they know that they need me more than I need them.” She says while looking up at you. “This job is easily replaceable, but there is only one you in this life.”

“How do you know I won’t break up with you after what happened?” You ask her and she inhales sharply, her eyes shutting briefly before she opens them, a familiar fire in them that it nearly knocks the air out of you. “I didn’t, I was expecting you to kick me out last night. But Y/n, even if you did break up with me, I would do everything it takes to earn your trust and love back because you’re it for me. There’s no one else that I want but you.”

You could feel your eyes tearing up while she moved to encircle her arms around your waist again. “I know I messed up, but please believe me when I say that I only love you.”

Carding your fingers through her hair, you let out a shaky breath while holding her against you, kissing the top of her head. “I could never stop loving you, Jen.” You whisper, and she lets out a sigh of relief as she squeezes you.

When Jennie wakes up, she frowns at the coldness of the room before she shifts in bed. Her eyes open a bit as she turns around and a smile creeps up her face when she’s met with your peacefully sleeping face.

Reaching for your hand, she places your arm around her while snuggling further into you, the weight finally off her shoulders and allowing her to have a proper night’s rest while she was showered in your love.

People could say whatever they wanted about her and her supposed past relationship, but no one knew the truth but her and her girls. She was happy with you, and that was what mattered.

Maybe one day, she would finally show you to the public, but for now, she was going to be selfish and have you for herself.

SM and YG Entertainment confirms that Jennie and Kai have gone their separate ways and chose to continue with their senior-junior relationship. Both artists have confirmed to continue to support each other.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #blackpink #blackpink scenarios #blackpink imagines #blackpink jennie #bp jennie #jennie kim #jennie scenarios #jennie #jennie imagines

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rirismommyspace · 3 years

Note

Hello riri!! I maded a little blog but I never been little online with people before, only looked at bugs n things an I dunno how agere on de internet works. I only been small all alone n talked to a friend once when I was small. I don' know anyone here n I'm sorta scared to talk to other littles cos dey don't have anon on so that dey won't be messaged by bad blogs but I don' want dem to look at big me's blog because big me is not very safe and a little scarey

-toady-boy

༊*·˚ hey Sweetheart! I understand being scared- the internet is a scary place. But! If you make a regression side blog you can always message people from there instead! (Also please be careful online and stay true to yourself- you don't need to show the internet your regression because it really is a personal thing. And remember that the online community isn't everything!) ♡(ӦｖӦ｡)

#riris.angels #toady.boy #sfw agere blog #agere caregiver #caregiver blog #sfw cglre #agere #sfw age regression #sfw caregiver #caregiver #sfw age regressor #sfw littlespace

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heizuha-queen · 3 years

Note

Hello! It's that girl who doesn't know when to stop coming up with more headcannons at 2am in the morning again.

Another idea sparked in my head.

You know how it's common for K-pop idols to have solo activities such as joining a variety show?

Have you heard of Busted! ?

Not sure if you've heard about this variety program. It airs on Netflix and currently have three seasons. The cast members consists of various celebrities ranging from comedians to actors to idols. Exo Sehun and Gugudan Sejeong are actually members of that show as well. (Btw, Sehun even low-key dressed up as KID once. It was a masterpiece. Period)

The show is a mystery/detective game program. The cast have to solve puzzles and search for clues to complete the missions given. The best part of the program is that the production team doesn't make the cast solve stupid, kid puzzle games.

They have to solve actual, scary, cases. Murders. Robbery. Conspiracy stuff.

So....

What if... Kazuha joins a program like this as a cast member?

I believe she would actually be perfect to join the show for several reasons:

1. Her intelligence

We've seen that she is actually very smart. Her deduction skills may not be as sharp as Heiji's, but we were shown in canon how Kazuha is actually very intelligent, even able to decipher the dying message of the victim in the Heiji Vs Kazuha episode. (If you remember, even Kogoro & Ran weren't able to solve it)

Not just that, remember how in the 7th Movie, Kazuha was able to come up with a really smart way to save Heiji from getting killed by that masked man by just using her sock and rocks?

If she were to join the cast, she'll be a valuable asset that could help them solve the missions much more quickly due to her wits.

2. Her physical prowess

Okay, to be honest, it's not necessary for the cast members to be proficient in martial arts. However, her aikido would definitely be a huge bonus. Imagine a scene where the cast members were all scared and being chased by something (like a villain, criminal,etc) As everyone is running away to not get caught and lose or something, Kazuha just stands there like a badass and back flip the villain like... Wouldn't that be totally awesome?

The production crew may or may not advise Kazuha to not repeat that so the staff members won't turn down their job as future villain roles.

(Also, ever since the back flip incident, the internet may or may not vote her as the most badass K-pop idol to live)

3. Her popularity

Since I think everyone on your blog agrees that Kazuha will be extremely popular, imagine the viewers she would attract to watch the program. It wouldn't be just the Korean audience. Her international fans would watch. Her Japanese audience would watch. Her group's fan would watch.

Of course, most importantly, Heizuha fans would loyally watch every episode as they pray that Heiji would miraculously guest on one of the episodes since they're thirsty for any Heizuha interaction.

(Even a cameo phone call would be enough tbh)

4. Her experience

I strongly believe that no matter how hard Kazuha's agency tried to avoid scandal by hiding the fact that Kazuha has been to a lot of cases and crime scenes (because of Heiji), the internet still discovers it. Hence, the producer of the show believe that she would perfect since she has experience and know how to ACTUALLY act when trying to do detective work. Her attitude would make the (fake) murder case looks real and legit, hence bringing more quality to the show.

5. Her relationship with people who are in the field

I think that, over time, people would discover that Kazuha is a daughter of a very notable and respectable police officer. Due to that, in a way, I think people would trust Kazuha's instinct more on the show, and indirectly, she would unconsciously lead the cast members to solve the mystery without being explicitly bossy nor pushy.

I would also LOVE to imagine that in those EXTREMELY RARE instances where a mission becomes extremely hard, for instance, they've spent longer time than necessary on a clue, the production crew gives them a chance to call someone and ask for help. (Tbh the production crew could just straight up tell them the answer, but where's the entertainment value in that?) Most of the time people would ask Kazuha to call for help since she has connections to a bunch of smart people who could solve the clue in just a few minutes. ( ie; her dad, Heiji).But of course, (for the sake of entertainment lol), the cast prefer if she calls Heiji for help. (Hence, why Heiji makes some cameos on the show through phone calls)

Let's be real, the production crew and cast members are (low-key) hardcore Heizuha shippers.

6. Her personality

She may be hot-headed at times, but that just adds charm to her personality you know? It also sometimes help the cast stay in check to help out with the investigation. At the end of the day, her determination to complete a mission yet adorableness in her interactions are really what makes people love her so much. Her frankness and straightforwardness also helps her forge genuine friendships with the rest of the cast members and production crew. From the show, people could see more than a properly-trained K-pop idol on stage. Rather, a smart individual who is also a human. People get to see her as herself, not just a celebrity.

Of course, I don't think she'll immediately join the program as a rookie K-pop idol. Maybe 5/6 years after her debut, where members of her group are all exploring their own individual solo career?

Although on another note, can you imagine how Heiji would react when she's on the show.

I bet Heiji watches every episode of the show but never admits it. He would also get frustrated when everyone on the show takes too long to find a hint, but have this huge proud smile on his face whenever Kazuha solves it.

Of course, Heiji would tease Kazuha for every small thing she did on the show when they facetime or call each other in private. Just because~

I also imagine Kazuha having to change Heiji's name on her phone to something neutral that doesn't indicate that they're dating. Ever since joining the show, she also has to change the lock screen of her phone since she could be asked to call Heiji for help without any warning. (Better safe than sorry)

I guess that's all for this random shot of headcannons. I hope you enjoy them!

Ps; By the way, if I do end up writing Heizuha fanfics (WE DESPERATELY NEED MORE!!), I'll let you know 😊

Umm PLEASE NEVER LEARN TO STOP BECAUSE I LOVE READING YOUR HEADCANONS!

I really love the idea of Heiji appearing in phone calls and I can imagine him watching every episode. It’s a routine that no one can break for him😂😂

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hisunshiine · 3 years

Text

Escape ✈︎ Chapter 6

✈︎ chapter 6: But I Still Want You Pt. 1 | ✈︎ Escape Series — 18+, Mature

✈︎ genre: angst

✈︎ word count: 1898 words

✈︎ pairing: Jin x YN

✈︎ warnings: personal issues with abandonment, YN is a foster child, healthy attachment issues, crying

✈︎ summary: It's time for you to make your decision about the island: stay or go? Some people make the decision harder for you than it should be.

You can’t believe that you won the GA and were invited to Bangtania Island, not to mention that once you arrived here, you were let in on the secret that this is also a secret getaway location for the guys?! You truly love it here, and feel so accepted and appreciated by everyone, like you have a family and friends again. The life you left behind wasn’t much of a life so to say. You worked a basic job, you had no family, having been a foster child your whole life, and you had no real connection with anybody. When you found BTS and Army, that was the closest you ever felt to having family.

Unfortunately, having the life you’ve had, you begin to feel yourself wanting to isolate again. Nobody has actually done anything to make you feel you need to, but you are afraid of being abandoned. You’ve always had that fear, been afraid that people will leave you, so you put up walls so that people don’t get too close. You also tend to run from anybody that tries and gets too close, unsure of their reasons. You weren’t putting out any signs that you wanted people close, so you thought, so you were wary of anyone who tried to breach the walls you had built. It was safer that way. When people made attempts to get closer than you wanted them to, that was your cue to jump ship. It was better to leave them.

You have dated, but as soon as they try to get too intimate, and not in the sexual way, you run away. Sex, that was easy. Growing up with your circumstances, you weren’t ever taught the same ideals about virginity and sex like people who were from ‘loving’ families appeared to be. No mom and dad trying to convince you that sex was sacred, or meant for just one person for your entire life. You had the normal education, very cut and dry, and scientific. Penis, meet vagina: insert here. And as you got older you learned it could also be penis meet anus, or vagina meet vagina, or mouth meet anus, mouth meet penis, and the oh so wonderful mouth meet vagina. So being physical with someone wasn’t deemed as intimate as actually letting people into who you were. What your thoughts and feelings were. It was that level of opening up and letting people in that was scary. You knew this from childhood that it’s a lot less painful when you decide to walk away, versus someone walking away from you.

It’s currently your twelfth day here. And now you only have two more days to decide whether you want to stay or head back to your life of unattached isolation. You have truly enjoyed your time here thus far, there really is the feeling of peace and serenity, able to share in the familiar love with everyone of BTS. That’s a safe area for you. Love for BTS can’t hurt you. At the same time, you still feel a sense of solidarity, like you are surrounded by people yet you still feel alone. You decide you are going to hurry to the restaurant to get something to-go before you head back to your temporary living quarters.

On the way there, you remember the first time you saw Jin in person.

“So here is a map of the island, everything is color-coded and in the map key. I think your first agenda should be to unpack and then meet us down at Jin’s restaurant.” Vanessa hands you your map and copies of your NDA and other rules and regulations to be followed on the island.

Once you unpack your belongings, you take a short detour before heading to the restaurant. You are enchanted by the happiness of everyone that is here, enjoying the private island, and the guys. You haven’t really witnessed any arguments or issues, and that brings you solace, but you still keep your guard up.

When you enter the restaurant, Talia notices you and waves you over to their booth, “Hey! Y/N! Over here! We almost ordered without you.” She laughed, then introduced you to Dahlia and Xael.

You all order your food and carry on with small talk, you ask questions about different activities you saw in your guide for the island, and then you see him. Jin came walking out of the kitchen, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a towel. He was talking to one of the residents that helps him out in the restaurant.

He turned his head and your eyes met, it seemed like an eternity, but it only lasted about 10 seconds. He smiled, you blushed, then he went back into the kitchen.

When your food was ready, Jin made sure to help your waitress bring your food to the table. “Hello ladies,” he said with a gentle smile, blushing when he looks at you. “A new arrival I see. Well I am Seokjin, the Bangtania Island Chef. If you are ever hungry, come to my restaurant, if I’m not here, the you can come to the dorm...I mean, when we have parties, I always cook for that as well. Anyway, enjoy your meals ladies,” he winks at you as he places your plate in front of you.

How could you know that would lead to you eating there everyday, just to steal a glance of him, or have him smile and wink at you. All of the silent and distant flirting, that you feel would never go anywhere, and you want to keep it that way.

You walk into the restaurant and stand at the to-go counter, but it’s pretty quiet. You have been waiting for about 10 minutes, being consumed by your thoughts, until the grumbling in your stomach reminds you that you are waiting to order food. You are surprised that nobody has come to help you, especially since the whole time that you’ve been in Bangtania everyone has been super helpful and attentive. But then you get worried, so you head behind the counter to check the kitchen. Maybe Jin closed early and forgot to lock up, you aren’t sure, you just want to make sure everything is okay.

You open the swinging door to the kitchen, probably with a little too much force in your worried state.

“Whoa, whoa!”

It’s all you hear before the pile of dishes crashes to the floor, causing you to scream.

“Jin-ah I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you, I was just here to order food to-go, and --”

He cuts you off.

“Frighten me? You were the one who was scared! Hahaha! I was just putting these dishes away and you swung the door into me.”

You feel the tears well up in your eyes, and you try to hold them back but they begin streaming down your face.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to cry. I’m not mad, we have many more dishes to replace these ones. Just please don’t cry.”

He grabs a clean towel from the shelf and begins to softly blot the tears from your cheeks. He has a look on his face of worry, as if your sudden tears were a shock to him. You reckon they were. You drop your head in embarrassment, though he softly grabs your chin with his thumb and forefinger and lifts your head back up. Your eyes meet his brown ones, taking in the way that his eyebrows are furrowed together, his lips softly parted creating his beautiful look of concern directed towards you.

“I told you, I’m not mad, now clean your face and help me pick this up. Then we can sit and have a meal together. I haven’t eaten since breakfast and that is a long time for me, you know?”

You giggle, because you do know. Jin loves to eat.

After you finish salvaging the dishes that did not break and sweeping up the ones that did, Jin says he has something special to make you. You make your way to a booth in the corner of the restaurant furthest from the windows, the most secluded booth in the whole restaurant. When Jin comes out with a tray, he scans the restaurant for you.

“Y/N?” His voice is loud, trying to find you.

“Did she leave? After I made her this delicious food, she runs off?” You hear him mutter under his breath, but not low enough that you don’t hear him.

When he turns to head back to the kitchen, he sees you sitting in the hidden booth, shoulders bounce from giggling so hard.

“You think that’s funny? I make this food and you have me to believe you left? Oh, hahaha…” He laughs with you as he sets the food on the table. He pulls off his apron and joins you at the booth, you both begin eating in silence. After a while he asks, “Y/N, you’ve been here almost two weeks, what do you think so far?”

You shove a dumpling in your mouth, as you are not ready to answer that question. He smiles encouragingly, his bee-stung lips surrounding his perfect smile, and you feel yourself wanting to open up. But you can’t. You only want to show him your best side. I guess that’s something you have in common with them.

“Oh, it’s great! You guys really spoil us here.”

He nods, happy to hear your positive feedback, not realizing it’s shallow. You want to elaborate. The words are on the tip of your tongue to tell him that yes, they spoil you here and you love it, but a part of you is scared to really fall in love with it, to truly believe you’ve found a place you can call home that has a new family that’s perfect for you already waiting. Who gets that lucky in life? Not you. So you tuck away your fears, and keep it surface level with him.

The rest of your night was lovely; it was easy to tuck away the thoughts that had been so prominent before spending time with Jin. He was someone who tried his best to make sure that everyone was comfortable. You had known this about him since prior to meeting him, watching him on RunBTS and Bon Voyage, he had that caring, nurturing way about him that drew you in, and made everything appear better in the aura he cast out. He made it easy, which you knew would make it that much harder.

That night you lay awake long past the last sounds of your housemate have dissipated and watch as the ceiling fan circles and circles. You always thought that it was safe, that loving BTS was safe. Friends over the internet, they didn’t have to know you completely. You could take days off and come back when you wanted, no one really depending on you. No one actually knows your deepest secrets and thoughts. Those were kept safely tucked away, behind lock and key deep within your heart.

You could have sworn that love for BTS couldn’t hurt you. Hindsight is definitely 20/20, as you lay curled on your side, looking out the window at the reflection of the moon on the ocean, tears streaming down onto your pillow, it hurts.

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twistytwine · 3 years

Text

No-reblogging-please.

Vent + mental health question because I need some:

So it’s been two years since I cut off an ex-friend and just a few weeks ago they messaged me out of the blue and basically taunted me. And for these two years my brain hasn’t shut up about them and because of it I get unwanted thoughts about them everyday. They used to be so intense to the point where I would get nightmares of them, but now the thoughts are sort of quieter now and the nightmares have instead been reduced to once-in awhile dreams surrounding them.

I’ve gotten... less angry, thinking about them, I guess. I’m less angry now and just kinda indifferent to it all. Like I feel upset but more in a hollowed out, empty way. Like “I feel so disconnected at this point that this is the default emotion I have to them.” I think I’m less angry because Ive told myself that we hurt each other when we were only 13. Seriously, 13, and I was just around 12 when I first met them. Of course, we still vagueposted and we guilt tripped, but after that I did my best to get better and mature. They still vagueposted instead of confronting me about things they wanted to say or whenever I messaged them about something I wanted to say. They just ignored me and went to make a venting vaguepost about it and never messaged me back until I reached out first. So no problems were solved. I was impulsive and got more impatient back then, but Ive forgiven myself for that immature behavior, especially when they were just... so fucking neglectful and talked shit behind my back. I was so happy talking to them one time but then I checked their blog and they made a vaguepost about how much they hated me. After we got into an argument, they got upset and then proceeded to vanish from the internet for 3 days without giving any warning to any of their other friends or me and expected us to not have any worries at all when they returned, like if anybody else made a mistake they’d vaguepost about it instead of telling us but when they made a mistake they’d expect us to baby them and care for them and be so forgiving and never be mad, because if we got mad and tried talking to them about it, they’d say we were being toxic and scary, even when WE wanted to tell them about something they were doing that hurt us, they ignored us and never replied and would vaguepost about that shit instead and expect us to be fine with it.

Okay, maybe I’m not that less angry than I was before. But... I’m coping the best I can. I’m not toxic anymore, like how I was when I was 12-13. I’m older now and more mature, and I’m being more healthy about how I cope. I’m still upset about how I continue having intrusive thoughts about them pretty much everyday or keep relating everything to them everyday. Like how a friend of mine might not reply to a message right away and I’ll get anxiety thinking that they’re ranting about me to someone else, or making a vaguepost about me on their blog. No matter how kind that friend is, my brain will always think, “But what if they’re like them?”

It took so long for me to get the courage to stop checking their blog after I unfollowed them because I was horrified they were vagueposting about me every single fucking day. I used a browser extension to literally stop me from going onto their blog site, and that’s all that could make me stop. It also took me so long to not cry after seeing a literal anime profile pic because it reminded me a lot of their art style.

I feel... better, after typing all this out. I might make some positive vent art later. But now I’m just... what do I do? For the rest of my teen years? Do I just... wait until all the bad thoughts go away? This all happened when we were literally 13-14 fucking years old, but... I don’t know. They hurt me and others. People say forgiving someone can make you feel better, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I don’t think I am. I spent one of those years wanting to stay with them because I was convinced, “Maybe they’ll get better. They’re acknowledging how they’ve hurt people before. Maybe they’ll stop.”

But it’s kinda like watching a bad TV show. And you’re not watching it because you like it. You’re watching it because you keep saying to yourself, “It’ll get better. It’ll get better. Maybe if the audience gives the show feedback and support, it’ll get better.” But it never does. And when it’s all over, you think to yourself... “Why didn’t things get better?” They just kept hurting me, and my friend. They just kept doing it.

Because it happened when we were so young, I do wish them to have a good life. I wish them to be happy and to be okay and safe. But... what do I even do to help myself heal? I know recovery is a slow process, but... how long is it gonna take until I can live without having thoughts of them constantly haunting me?

#long post #vent #ex friend tw #no this isn’t abuse we were literally 13-14 years old #this happened to someone else too but #i just wanna talk about what happened between me and them for this post #delete later #no reblogging pls

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writers-hes · 4 years

Text

late christmas.

i love christmas and i love angst. please enjoy! to those who read five years, thank you so much for liking and reblogging it! if you haven’t read it yet, check it out here.

also, don’t forget to stream adore you! if you did, what are your thoughts about it? i absolutely love it and i’m currently writing a fic about it. i suppose you just have to wait and see!

WARNING: unedited + swearing

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in which you and harry flew to new york to spend christmas together but it seemed like christmas wouldn’t be as magical as you thought it would be.

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you were excited for the holidays. you always were because in your family, it was a big deal. your father would put up the christmas tree, your mother would bake your favourite christmas-themed sugar cookies, and you and your older brother would help out in the over-all christmas preparation. you absolutely loved christmas as it was the only time of the year that you weren’t stressed. finals were done, you’re home with your family, and everything just felt like they were in the right place. christmas always meant family time.

that’s why your family was shocked when you told them that you would spend your christmas with harryi n his new york penthouse. they agreed, however. ever since you and harry met for the first time, you were inseparable. you spent thanksgiving together and even hosted a halloween dinner in his london home.

there you were, in harry’s new york penthouse. all alone. you set up the tree alone, decorated the tree alone, and hung the christmas star, alone. you were starting to regret coming here all the way from the uk. you’d rather do all these with your family and friends back home but harry insisted. “think of it as the first of our many holidays together, love!” he said. together, he said but he was out with his friends. it’s been two weeks since you arrived in new york and it’s been two weeks since you and harry had a proper talk. on your first night here, you made love. the next day, he was gone. that was what happened and that’s what’s always happening—him coming home late or when he was sure you were sleeping and then leaving early in the morning. you barely saw each other even though this was supposed to be your ‘alone’ time—away from your families and friends.

honest to god, it was starting to get to you. tonight was christmas eve and he was nowhere to be seen. you’ve been texting him but there was only sickening ‘read’ receipts that showed up on your phone.

love: harry where are you

love: harry where have you been

love: harry come home, it’s christmas

love: harry please talk to me

love: did i do something wrong??

you also left a few voicemails in his phone. you hated it. you hated being lonely on a christmas eve but you had no choice. it was your first time in new york and you found it scary.

“harry? please come home…it’s christmas eve and i wanted to spend it with you,” you said on the voicemail. “please. did i do something wrong? we can talk about it if you want, just come home. i—i prepared dinner,” beep.

you sighed, looking at the simple christmas dinner you prepared for you and your boyfriend. tears were welling up your eyes as you stored the dinner in some old tuppeware. you laughed lightly, seeing that anne was probably the one who convinced harry to get some tupperware. “it’s always nice to store the left overs in containers. that way, whenever you decided to eat it, it’s always fresh.” she said during your halloween dinner.

you couldn’t help it. you missed harry and quite frankly, he treated you like shit. you wiped away the tears that escaped from your tear ducts. you had to leave and you wanted to leave. you opened up your phone to text harry again.

love: i’m just going out. text me once you’re on the way home. 😊

h: i’m not coming home. i’m spending christmas eve with my friend.

your heart broke. you pressed his name and waited for him to answer.

“hello?” harry asked from the other phone.

“what do you mean you’re spending christmas eve with your friend?”

“can you stop being so clingy? it’s just rob. he asked me if i wanted to eat dinner with his family and i said yeah,”

“you told me you’d spend christmas with me harry! it’s been two weeks and i barely even talked to you! isn’t the reason why i flew to new york is to spend christmas with you? and i barely see you. you don’t reply to my messages and never answered my calls. i spent two weeks trying my best to make this christmas just like home. i set up the tree alone and cooked you your favourite dinner and you’re telling me that you’re not coming? what’s the fucking point of me coming here if i’m alone? you know what? fuck you, harry. i’m staying somewhere else. i’m going home,” you raged. by the time you told him you were going home, a sob escaped your body. it alarmed harry how affected you were and he was guilty. you ended the call and made a beeline to harry’s bedroom. sobbing, you packed up your things and went to the building’s ground floor. there, you hailed a cab. you needed to get away from harry’s building.

“please take me to the cheapest hotel in the area,” you told the taxi driver. you only had the allowance that your parents gave you for the trip and money that you saved over the year. you were a college student for god’s sake, where are you going to get the money that you do not have? you were silently sobbing in the backseat and you knew that the driver was getting uncomfortable. you phone kept on vibrating inside your coat pocket and you ignored it. you knew that harry was blowing up your phone. you soon arrived at a building and paid the taxi driver his fee, even adding a little tip for working during the holidays. you hauled your big luggage from the back of the cab. you thanked the driver and made your way to the hotel.

“hi, do you have any vacant rooms?” you asked the reception. it was the night before christmas in new york—you were hoping to have at least some place to stay.

“hello, ma’am. i’m sorry but we’re fully booked,” the tall receptionist said. he smiled sadly at you.

“well—do you, uh, know any place that has any vacancy at all? i’m not picky, please,” you begged. this holiday quickly turned into a nightmare and all you wanted to do was go home. tears were welling up your eyes and you knew that the receptionist was looking at you with pity.

“i’m sorry. i’m afraid all hotels in this area are fully booked,” he said. you nodded and mumbled a string of thanks and apologies for being annoying. the receptionist said it was okay. you exited the hotel and was on the streets of new york, freezing. you had your big luggage beside you and you were looking for places that you could possibly stay in. you looked around and saw a coffee shop that was full but you were sure that they had a table for you. you hauled your big luggage and huffed. you made a beeline towards the cafe and scanned the room. there was a table right beside the big window wall. you sat on the vacant table. a waiter asked you what you wanted for a drink and you told him you wanted wine. you weren’t sure if they served wine but anything that could make your forget about the douchebag of a boyfriend is enough. he nodded and gave you a menu, telling you that he’d be back in a few minutes with your drinks. you scanned the menu and saw that they had truffle gnocchi. it was a little expensive and you were out of budget but you didn’t care. you were devastated. a few minutes in and you ordered your plate.

you were drinking your wine when you saw a girl, who was about to enter her twenties, discretely trying to take a picture of you. you ignored her and looked at your phone. you turned it on only to see harry’s name all over the screen. it’s been two hours and he still couldn’t contact you.

“fuck!” harry shouted inside is new york penthouse. he was mad at himself for being such an asshole on what was supposed to be a romantic getaway. he left a handful of voicemails and texts but nothing seemed to be enough to make you come back to him. he looked around the place and only then did he realise that you set up a beautiful christmas tree. he also spotted a few gift boxes from you to him and to his family. his eyes lingered on the boxes for a second and then looked at how his staircase had christmas lights on. there was even a little santa claus at the top of the staircase. he went to the kitchen and saw that you even made the table a little fancy. he opened the fridge to see containers of untouched food that was supposed to be for the both of you. it warmed his heart how you managed to pull off his favourite meal. he also noticed a little pitcher of chilled sangria to match the meal. he also saw how you stocked up his fridge with junk food because you planned to just stay in during the christmas day, catching up on your favourite show, brooklyn 99. he even promised you that you would visit where the infamous 99th precinct. it wasn’t a real station but you found out from the internet that it was the 78th station near sixth station and barclay’s avenue. you were so excited to take a handful of pictures to post on your instagram—even bringing a ‘gina knows best’ hoodie that you bought.

you’ve been staying at the cafe for awhile now and you knew that the waiter was starting to get agitated. he’s been passing by your table, giving you looks as there was a queue outside. you sighed sadly and paid for the bill. you left the cafe only to find out that it was colder than it was hours before. the cold air nipped you skin and you were shivering. you walked for a few more blocks until. everything in new york seemed full. you were contemplating on whether or not you should go back to harry’s and swallow your pride. you knew that it wasn’t that far from where you were. in the end, you decided that, it was worth it to swallow your pride and be safe instead of possibly freezing to death in the cold winter of new york.

so, you hailed a cab and told the taxi driver where you needed to go.

you arrived at the tall building where his penthouse was located an hours later, thanks to the traffic. you went straight to the elevator and hoped to god that he wasn’t there. you arrived at his apartment and opened the door. it seemed as if he already went home but the space looked so empty. you left your luggage beside the doorway and laid on the couch. you were so drained, you didn’t even bother to remove the coat that was exposed to the pollution of new york.

you were half-awake when harry entered the door, dishelved. he’s been looking for you around manhattan, driving in his range rover. he was removing his outside shoes (a trait he got from you) when he saw your figure laying on the couch. he immediately ran towards you.

“oh my god, i’m so glad you’re okay. i’m—bloody hell, i’m so fucking sorry for leaving you like that,” he rambled. he held your face in between his hands, noticing how cold your cheeks were. “i know you’re mad at me right now but is it okay if make a brew? just wanna make you feel warmer, love,” you nodded and he rushed to the kitchen where he stayed and boiled water. he took out his tea container and rummaged through the choices to look for your favourite tea, raspberry and vanilla. it took a few minutes for the electric kettle to boil the water. he poured the water and added milk and sugar, just the way you liked it.

he carefully rushed to you and laid your tea on the coffee table. you drank from it and mumbled a soft ‘thank you’.

“i’m so sorry, y/n. i’ve been such an asshole to you,” he started.

“yeah…why did you leave me here though? if you didn’t want to spend time with me, why did you make me come down here?” you asked. it was one thing that harry loved about you. you were always frank and straightforward with your thoughts.

“it’s just that…i don’t know. i’ve been so stressed lately. i didn’t want to take it out on you so i left. i’m so sorry, love,”

“what were you so stressed about, harry? you know i’d always be here with you,” you asked. he was still kneeling in front of you, as if praying for god to forgive him.

“i—“ he looked like a fish opening and closing his mouth. how could he possibly say that your father didn’t approve of him when harry asked him if he could marry you? how could he possibly say that your dad never liked him? how could he possibly say that to you—who always thought that the most important opinion belonged to your father? it’s been more than a year since you started dating and he was pretty sure that he wanted to marry you someday.

“you couldn’t even tell me. it’s okay, you know? but leaving me here, all alone, in a foreign city—i felt so lonely. i just—did i do anything wrong?”

“no, baby. it was…something else. it’s something else that i’ve been trying to ignore and fix but i couldn’t fix it. no, i’m not cheating on you or anything,” he reassured before continuing, knowing that you were paranoid about boyfriends who were not loyal because all your exes seemed to cheat on you and then blame you for their own doing. “i’m just stressed and pressured. i don’t know how to make it right. please, please. please, forgive me. please don’t leave. i love you. i promise i’ll stay with you just—don’t leave me, please.” he begged.

“i’m not leaving, harry.” you told him. you knew that he was paranoid about girlfriends who seemed to leave him after a minor inconvenience and you know that it wasn’t his fault, even though the media portrayed him to be this man who never seemed to last in a relationship. harry seemed to calm down at your words but he still couldn’t stop the apologies that spilled from his mouth. “look, i don’t know what it is you’re struggling with right now, love. but whatever it is, i’m sure everything would be okay, yeah?” you told him. he nodded at that. the sadness that worked its way up to you seemed to go away. tonight, your only mission was to make harry feel better. and even if you didn’t know what was bothering him, you had to make sure that he felt good. “how about i reheat the meal that we have and tomorrow, we could stay in?” you asked him.

“i’ll do it. i’ve been a shit boyfriend to you. please, let me do it, love.” he mumbled. you nodded. he brought his face closer to yours and you were kissing. it felt so good—it’s been two weeks, anyway. the loneliness that you felt and the stress that he was under was gone. it was you and him and him and you.

perhaps, christmas wasn’t as bad as it seemed to be at all. christmas just started a little late.

#harry #styles #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #new york #christmas #angst #harry styles angst #im sorry #adore you #harry styles fanfic #please im crying

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idance2silence · 3 years

Text

If you don't have the ability to revoke your consent, you never gave it. It was taken from you.

If someone asks you repeatedly to do something and doesn't take no for an answer and you give in to the pressure from their relentlessness, you didn't give consent, it was taken from you. Giving in to pressure isn't consent, just like getting blackmailed into an action doesn't make you want to do that action. You were forced to give consent. This is not okay.

Someone telling you that your "no" needs a reason to back it up feels entitled to your body, soul, and mind. If they say your no is not justified, this doesn't mean you gave consent. In this situation, you are unable to say no, and your consent was taken from you. It was not given. My "no" needs no support, my boundaries need no explanation. If they ask for one, they feel entitled and they are wrong.

No one should ever say "I shouldn't have asked, I should have just done it" after they asked for your consent and you said no. This person does not value you. They are forcing your consent. They just want to take what they want, and they will use force and coercion.

I was always told I could say "no" and that my consent mattered, but no one ever explained to me that my consent could be taken from me. I did not give consent, they stole my consent. And I'm so tired of feeling guilty for "giving" consent or "misleading" someone when they took advantage of me and treated me like I didn't matter. All of my relationship guilt stems from someone stealing my consent.

I'm done being polite. I'm not saying no twice.

These experiences and lessons I've listed are all from 2 boys, neither adults. I've recently realized that they forced my consent, I did not freely give it. This isn't a grown man who was intentionally hurting me with clever manipulations, these were minors who thought that pressuring me into consent was okay and valid. They genuinely didn't know better. They grew up in a world where this was normal. We need to do better.

(If they did know better, I'm going to keep lying to myself. I need to keep some hope that they weren't inherited cruel and that this is fixable.)

"Relentlessly pursuing someone" is just another way of saying "this person doesn't respect boundaries." Its creepy, and scary and terrifying.

Let me tell you a story about one of these teens. I was afraid to go home because a boy I saw every day at middle school did these things to me. A 14 year old. Thats too young for this to have been a planned manipulation, he was just as much a kid as I was. He knew where I lived because he followed me home, threatened to kiss me, and asked me on a date every day for weeks. He cornered me when I was alone and afraid, even if we were in a room with a crowd (just because there's a crowd doesn't mean there's backup in it. This is why girls don't go to things alone). There's a song from 8th grade prom that triggers me back to that moment when he corned me on the dance floor. He made me believe I needed to justify not dating him to the point where I was coming up with full essays worth of reasons for him to declare it all invalid. I left the last day of middle school afraid for my life instead of saying heartfelt goodbyes to my friends. My best friend, also a boy, walked me to my bike and saw me off. He understood that I was afraid because when I told him what I had heard, he didn't invalidate me. He listened and dropped his own needs to protect me. He promised to stay with me until I felt safe. (Another boy who watched his friend pressure me like this warned me about what he was planning. He may have sat by and watched it happen, but he at least warned me so I could get help from my best friend who was a fellow boy. There were girls who listened to me and helped me stay confident to stand my ground against him, making sure to never leave me alone at lunch, even though he would sit with us I wasn't left alone with him.)

My middle school drama wasn't about who I had a crush on but being afraid of being sexually assaulted by a classmate. I now know it doesn't need to be like this.

Not all men harass women, but it's enough. I have met good men too, but it's not enough.

I can name every man in my life I feel safe walking with alone at night on one hand. That's not enough. Everyone who has done this to me was a school friend with the same classes as me that I saw every day. School wasn't safe for me. Why would I assume the streets would be safer?

How am I supposed to know if you're looking at me like an object or as a person? From my view it looks the same. Men who defend me and men who attack me, both come from the same place. The only way I'm going to know which one you are is if you actively show me. Say something when you see something, change will come through awareness.

"No" means stop. Please respect boundaries. I was never taught mine had inherent value and I don't want anyone else to feel like I did. The internet taught me this and looking back, the red flags are all there. I'm sharing my story in hopes that someone else can learn this before it happens and not after like I had to.

These are things I've learned in retrospect based off real things that happened to me. Feel free to add to the list with other unspoken lessons you've learned. I don't want to see anyone allow themselves to get trapped in the same situations as I did.

Much love to everyone and thank you for taking a moment from your day to listen to my story. It means a lot 💖

#too many men #im not even going to get into the other guy mainly because he succeeded because no one defended me #i hope my story and what ive learned helps someone #we need change #consent #im sorry if theres grammar errors or anything like that Im emotional #i felt compelled to share #this has been on my mind a lot recently #and i know this isnt my blog theme but this matters to me so idc #my story

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jinmukangwrites · 4 years

Text

Nightwing BTHB: Serum Injection

Stars: Done. Moon: Requested. Eye: Next

Summary: Thirteen year old Dick wakes up in the clutches of owls; a group of people insisting he belongs to them.

He thinks different.

[anon requested teen Dick Grayson being found out by the Court of Owls and kidnapped by them]

WARNINGS: GRAPHIC descriptions of blood and injury, non-consensual drugging, BRIEF THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM (but for only like a small paragraph), implied sort-of major character death, guys I really mess with Dick in this one. I’m pretty sure most of you reading this already love whump and violence but I still need you all to keep safe. Love you all! Let me know if I missed any triggers, I’m pretty sure I pinned down all the major ones though.

AO3 link

-o-o-o-o-

Dick shivers and curls up tighter against the corner of his small cell, clutching his left wrist and trying not to bend his spine too much because of the whiplash crawling around in his chest cavity. He hopes Bruce is okay… Dick doesn't remember much of the circumstances of his kidnapping, but he does remember driving home with Bruce from school when all of a sudden his guardian went taunt like a bow string before swerving off the road into a ditch just a few miles from the manor.

Next thing Dick knew, he woke up in this small room that can't even really be called a small room. It's more like a closet. A long rectangle that if he lays one way he can lay flat on his back, but won't be able to spread his arms out as much. The door to the room is on one of the short walls, looking all ominous with small gaps between it and the doorframe, the lack of door knob, and it's marble sheen. The floor and walls are marble too, and the ceiling looks rocky like granite. A single bright light shines above him, easily illuminating the small space, leaving the only things shadowed be the top corners where four different cameras hide.

Dick can't tell if those cameras can record audio or not. They can definitely visualize, the lenses are clear enough to see, but otherwise Dick isn't as studied in camera technology like Bruce is; he can't just look at them and immediately know what they are, when they were made, the company that made them and it's CEO, and who invented that particular model. He'd have to get up close and personal with it and hold it in his hands and perhaps have a monitor to his side to use the internet to help him out.

But right now, the thought of moving sends pangs of pain down his spine and in his neck. He's had whiplash before. You don't go on high speed chases in the Batmobile and not end up with whiplash at some point or another. Robin has been a part of his fair share of spectacular crashes… through crashes in the Batmobile are usually cushioned by millions of dollars of technology Bruce invented to make the effects of whiplash little to none. Crashing the Batmobile is tame when compared to a Mustang. Lot less support, a lot more broken metal, and a whole lot more seatbelts crushing your lungs as you catapult in every direction before you finally smack your head on the dashboard and pass out.

So Dick stays sitting, scowling at the door and rubbing his wrist. He doesn't think it's broken, just bruised, but it hurts just enough that he definitely doesn't plan on moving it any time soon. If he wasn't close to shivering in this room, he'd have ripped off a section of his shirt by now to wrap it, but alas… he's cold. And it's not broken so it can last without a brace or anything for a little while longer.

He just hopes his abductors reveal themselves soon and they tell him what they did with Bruce. Maybe he's just stuffed in a room somewhere different until a ransom is paid and then Gordon and the cops will storm in here and save them. Dick's been kidnapped plenty of times, and in all kinds of ways too. He knows how this goes. He'll be fine as long as he acts like a scared, thirteen year old Dick Grayson and not Robin the superhero. As long as he whimpers and cries and weakly and sloppily tries to struggle, he'll be okay.

He'll be okay.

He just hopes Bruce is too. Dick can't imagine what could happen to make the man just swerve off the road like that.

There's a scraping noise, a heavy door opening against solid ground, and Dick's snapped out of his thoughts. Instinctively, he curls up tighter, wincing as the back of his neck protests with a stiff yet stabbing pain and a wave of light-headedness washes over him. He keeps forgetting about the egg on his temple. The concussion from his most recent face-meet-dashboard episode. He's poked and prodded at it perhaps a half hour earlier, but he isn't completely out of it and it just hurts more than anything, but right now it makes it really difficult to completely focus on the forms of people who are standing right outside the door… just standing there, staring at him.

They… don't look like a typical "Dick Grayson" kidnapper. Or well, there's a couple different kinds of Dick Grayson kidnappers. The kinds of people Dick finds himself often in the clutches of are either high end, prestigious assholes who have a grudge against Bruce for some reason or other, or down on their luck thugs who want a quick buck. These people standing before him? They look like Robin kidnappers.

Meaning they're dressed in costumes and giving off a very… very dangerous vibe.

Dick immediately takes stock of them. Three are dressed similar to each other, in dresses or suits or gowns, their faces all covered by an eerie mask that looks like it could be based off an owl. The fourth guy though… he's the one who's giving Dick major red flags. He's muscular and taller than the others and his costume is black and leather and terrifying to look at. There's a hood pulled over his face, shaped like an owl who got steampunk goggles somewhere and that also gave off the shivering effect of light reflecting off of nocturnal eyes.

These look like genuine bad guys.

One of the masked ones steps forward, a woman in a low collared pink gown with lace lining the sleeves down to the middle of her forearms. Her blonde hair is all done up behind her, beads lining the braids until it all sits in a nice and perfect rose-shaped bun at the top of her head. She crosses her arms around her chest, and even with the mask Dick feels like she's studying him like he's a mouse in a glass cage.

"This is the Gray Son of Gotham?" She asks, clearly referring to Dick which throws him off for a number of reasons.

Normally, when he's kidnapped as Dick, people don't normally ever call him by name. First or last. It's always "brat" or "freak" or "that Wayne [insert "brat" or "freak" here]. It's something they do to lie to themselves that they hadn't just kidnapped, tied up, and locked up a kid. Calling him Wayne also makes it clear that they couldn't care less about him personally, they just want Bruce. They don't care that he's just a ward and that Bruce Wayne isn't his dad. They don't care about these things because he may not be adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he's definitely an easy-access key to his bank account.

But these guys called him Grayson. And not even Grayson, but they said it weirdly with an oddly purposeful space and a title added at the end. He wonders if it's a reference about how Bruce is normally jokingly known among the high class citizens as the White Knight of Gotham—a play on words to Batman's take of the Dark Knight of Gotham despite how they don't even know the half of it—but he doesn't get a chance to wonder long before the scary owl guy steps forward, looking directly at Dick with his shining eyes.

"It is, my Court," he says and Dick has to suppress a shiver, "he has finally returned to where he belongs, just like I promised."

"Hmm," the woman says, still staring at Dick as she brings a silk gloved hand to her chin in thought. "And you will take personal responsibility over his education?"

"Education?" Dick asks before he could think better of it. The cold air in the room becomes icy as every person's attention seems to zero in on him. Then, without any prompting, the fully costumed man suddenly strides forward and Dick almost doesn't have to fake a surprised yelp as his upper arm is easily grabbed, fingers wrapping around his limb hard enough to definitely leave bruises as he's forced to his feet; the grasp on him unrelenting as his arm is held higher than his head, forcing him to his tip toes.

Dick goes to wrap his hand around the grasp in an attempt for freedom, but he's painfully reminded of his injured wrist and all he can do is hold it to his chest as he tries to yank his arm out of the grasp on its own power. It doesn't do a thing, in fact the man's grip just tightens heartlessly.

"Of course, my Court," the owl man says, voice silky and dangerous, "I will see to all his education, starting now."

Dick cries out as his bad wrist is grabbed and held just as tightly.

The man bends to get in his face, those horrid eyes glowing dangerously and setting something nervous and scared aflame in his gut. "Lesson one: you will not speak unless addressed and given permission to speak. You will treat the Court with respect. Understand?”

Dick can only nod even though he has no clue what's going on or who these people are, but the nod seems to be enough because he's released. He gasps and scrambles backwards until his back meets the far wall, holding his pulsing wrist to his chest and blinking viscously to staunch the tears caused by the pain.

The owl man straightens with a suffocating aura of intimidation.

"I will turn him into the best Talon this Court has ever seen," the man says, voice prideful and boding ill-will. "We will not let you down."

"We will allow you to train him," the woman says, sounding pleased, "but know if he doesn't show his worth within the week, you both will be severely punished."

Dick feels a shiver go down his spine. If he could see the look on the owl man's face, Dick's sure a smirk would be sitting poisonous on his lips. "Trust me, my Court. He will surpass me. I will make sure of it."

-o-o-o-o-

Want more? This is but a small 1-2k of a 16k one-shot. Read the rest on AO3!

#dick grayson #nighting #court of owls #talon dick grayson #batman comics #fanfiction #fan fic #bad things happen bingo #jin writes #whump #angst #ao3 link

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firelxdykatara · 4 years

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I think if fiction didn’t matter we wouldn’t be rallying for better representation. But at the same time, there’s plenty of fiction that so clearly doesn’t try to impose a moral. Are you of the opinion that any fiction that displays objectively horrible things in a gratifying lense should be banned? Would you call people who liked the saw films monsters? What about first person shooter games? Any porn that features power imbalances as a kink?

Short answer, to all of those questions: No. Absolutely not.

But of course, as it’s me, have a much longer answer:

Here’s the thing that the ‘FICTION AFFECTS REALITY’/’IF YOU LIKE DARKFIC YOU’RE A MONSTER’ crowd fails to realize: when we say ‘fiction is not reality’ we are not saying ‘fiction doesn’t matter’ or ‘fiction has no affect on reality whatsoever’. What we are saying is that fiction does not have a direct, 1:1 affect on reality. ‘Normal’ people will NEVER read a piece of fiction and suddenly become a pedophile. Normal people will not read a piece of fiction and forget about boundaries. Normal people will not read a piece of fiction and suddenly think that societal taboos which used to disgust them are A-OK and then try to enact them in their real lives.

Antis really love to cite the Jaws Effect when talking about how fiction affects reality, but they miss one crucial point--Jaws was playing on the pre-existing fears of the movie-going public. (And also the fact that Jaws had millions of viewers worldwide and reached a far greater audience, and therefore had far greater impact, than some niche darkfic on ao3 ever will.) It’s the same argument that’s been trotted out again and again by the ‘violent video games turn normal happy kids into school shooters’ crowd. Can playing violent video games temporarily heighten someone’s aggression/make someone already prone to violence even more aggressive? Sure. Will playing violent video games (or watching/reading violent media) make someone with a normally healthy emotional responses to stimuli suddenly become a violent person? Absolutely not.

Like, I love games like Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey. I love slipping into Ancient Greece and running around, merrily hacking and slashing my way through Athenians and Spartans. I’ve never once gotten the urge to pick up a sword and go outside and start sticking it in people. I know plenty of people who love Grand Theft Auto and don’t have a violent bone in their body. I greatly enjoy taking head shots as a sniper in Mass Effect, but I’ve never picked up a high-powered rifle in my life. (I go to the shooting range sometimes, with my grandad’s old .22, but I certainly have never wanted to shoot anyone with it.) My taste for video game violence has never translated to my reactions or interactions with other people in real life. Because I’m not a violent person, and while I can’t say I’m mentally healthy, I can say that I’ve never wanted to hurt other people. (And I have one of those ‘scary’ mental illnesses that get demonized all the time in popular media.)

So like, here’s the thing: first of all, the argument that video game or media violence (or abuse, rape, incest, pedophilia, etc) creates violence (or etc) in otherwise normal people is absolute bullshit. You may hear antis trotting out the Slenderman killings as another example, but they again fail to take into account that even if the game was the trigger, it was not the cause, and if it hadn’t existed, something else would have set them off. (And that was 2 people out of the, I’m gonna guess, millions of people who’ve played the game or watched let’s plays or whatever else. Not exactly terrifying odds.)

Secondly, you have to remember that while fiction and reality do have a relationship and do have an affect on one another, that affect is far more noticeable from the other direction. Fiction informs reality--it is often a direct reflection of it. This is why Greek tragedies became so popular--because people saw in them the human condition, in all its ugliest parts, and found extreme catharsis in watching it unfold. And this is part of why, yes, representation is so important--because, right now, most fiction is not an accurate reflection of reality, and that creates an unbalanced dynamic that’s going to take a very long time to fix.

Which leads to my final point, that is most often overlooked by antis who insist that fiction cannot be separated from reality: mass media reaches a far greater audience than fanfiction. Yes, it’s bad that so much of Hollywood fare is white--because Hollywood has reach. Billions of people tune in to watch the latest blockbuster. Your average niche darkfic on ao3 will never reach that kind of audience, not in a million years. The effect of that reach is simply not comparable. If someone who is already prone to violence plays a game or watches a movie or tv show that glorifies it, sure, it may heighten their violent response, but that’s because it’s playing on something that’s already there. The fiction itself is not to blame for whatever the person who viewed it chooses to do.

One last thing, since this is something that I feel doesn’t get mentioned enough in these debates: if you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll probably have seen me rag on Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey. I hate both of those series’ with a burning passion. I think they’re badly written tripe, one of which began as fanfic of badly written tripe (and if 50sog had languished in the annals of internet obscurity as Master of the Universe and not become a multi-million dollar hit, I’d probably never have heard of it--again, the difference in reach between niche fanfic and a mass media sensation), and I hate the way the abusive relationships in both of them are glorified. I think the ‘themes’ Twilight spoonfed preteen girls who ate it up are harmful. I think the racism involved in its depiction of the Quileute tribe was despicable. I think everything 50sog had to say about BDSM and the kink community is horrific, and deserves to be called out.

But you know what else these books did?

They started conversations. Conversations that may not have happened to such a wide degree had these books not become famous. (Not that I’m saying it’d be any great loss if they’d never seen the light of day, but hey, they did, and we have to live with the fallout, so at least something good came out of it.) Conversations that desperately needed to be had--about red flags in abusive relationships, about what is ok and not ok to do or say to your partner, about what consent is and what healthy relationships are, and what a healthy BDSM/kink relationship should look like. (I swear to the gods if any anti kinksters start crawling all over this post, I will eat their toes. Stay out of consenting adults’ bedrooms for the love of all that is fucking holy.) Conversations about safe words and how to use them, and how it is always ok to use them please dear lord do not let things progress past the point of your comfort. Conversations about the real life Quileute tribe who has been trying for years to talk about the realities of tribal life, which were so butchered by Twilight, but that hopefully brought more awareness and helped show what not to do when you’re incorporating a real life culture into your work.

These are important conversations, which may not have been had to the widespread degree that they were and are were it not for the cultural phenomena that sparked them. So no, I don’t think it’s wrong to point out if an author is, for instance, glorifying harmful things in their works--however, I do think that the reach of the work in question matters. If you’re targeting a work with a few thousand hits at most, ask yourself: why? Why this work, and not an actual cultural powerhouse like, say, Game of Thrones, which features such hits as the showrunners openly admitting they waited for a teenage actress to turn 18 so they could film a scene where her character is brutally raped on screen? Why is it so important to draw attention to some niche work of darkfic (especially if it’s properly tagged so that it can be avoided by anyone to whom it would be harmful; and by the way, these tags don’t exist for things like, oh, VC Andrews novels, which any kid can pick up in a library without warning; I think that even a glorified/romanticized rape scene that is tagged as rape on ao3 is less harmful than similar themes occurring without warning in a book I picked up because it had pretty flowers on the cover), when you can easily find the exact same things in published, popular fiction?

Just something to think about, before trying to insist that fanfics that reach an audience of a few thousand at most are anywhere on the level of ‘affecting reality’ the same way that mass media that reaches billions is capable of.

#ao3 #rape mention #darkfic #fiction is not reality #Anonymous #asked

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