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aro-is-gay-af · 3 years

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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation.

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1.

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore. Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

***

After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

“Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

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arotechno · 3 years

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Jughead (2015), Issues 1-6: Discussion and Commentary

"I am like unto a god, Archie Andrews. Respect me as such."

Recently re-typed and ready to go, here is a broad discussion of the first volume of the Jughead reboot comic series. I was originally going to review each issue individually, but given that the first six comprise one story arc, I decided to do the whole volume in one go. That means this is a bit crunched for time and therefore not quite as in-depth as I wanted to go! But I encourage you to read the comics for yourself, if you are able.

This will not be spoiler-free, for the record! The images here are taken from my own copy using my phone, so they're not the best quality! But they also aren't especially crucial to this commentary, so you'll have to bear with me.

I just really like the inside cover art for this volume, alright (it's also the cover of issue 5)? I can't help it, I'm aro, I see heart imagery and something in my brain goes haywire.

When we first meet Jughead at the beginning of Volume 1, he comes off as lazy and apathetic, at least on the surface. After an all-nighter of playing video games, Jughead is dragged to school by Archie. There, they find that Betty has started a new campaign to save Fox Forest, a beloved local greenspace that is being threatened by Veronica’s wealthy father, Mr. Lodge. Jughead is… not very interested in Betty’s cause, to put it politely. It’s not that he doesn’t care about Fox Forest, but he does not believe that Mr. Lodge would be convinced to change his mind by a petition. He tells Betty as such, and she remarks that he lives a very hollow life.

“Man, you’re so cynical,” Archie tells him. “Is there anything you’d actually fight for?”

The answer is yes. What ultimately gets Jughead to fight for something? Food—well, kind of, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

When Archie and Jughead get to class, they learn that the principal of Riverdale High, Mr. Weatherbee, is being replaced out of the blue by a new guy called Stanger. Stanger is a stiff, serious type, and he immediately starts making changes: new uptight teachers, a strict dress code, new bootcamp-esque curriculum, and most importantly, supposedly nutritious slop to replace the food in the cafeteria.

This sends Jughead down a bit of a rebellious path—he’s not a rule-breaker, but he’s perfectly comfortable with bending the rules in his favor while narrowly skirting around getting into trouble. He starts selling burgers in the cafeteria, with the proceeds benefitting Betty’s fundraiser for Fox Forest.

(Hell yeah, Jughead, unionize that student body! Sell those burgers! You have nothing to lose but your chains!)

This stunt gets Jughead on Stanger’s bad side immediately, and a slowly simmering feud between them ultimately boils over when Stanger plants a knife in Jughead’s backpack to get him expelled. Thankfully, his dad is able to talk his sentence down to a week’s suspension, but that doesn’t stop his friends (and his mother) from worrying about him.

As an aside, I’d like to take a moment to appreciate Mr. Jones.

“Something’s off here and I’m not sure what it is, but I am sure Jughead didn’t bring a knife to school. My boy’s weird, but he’s not a criminal.”

I really like this line from him to Betty. He clearly knows his son and is willing to stand up for him, and it’s comforting to me, especially viewing the story through the lens of Jughead being aroace, that Mr. Jones is not at all bothered by his son being a bit on the strange side, as long as he’s still a good kid. Nothing but respect for Forsythe Jones II in this house.

Something fun and unique about this volume in particular is that in every issue, Jughead either falls asleep or passes out, and has an elaborate imaginative dream about the events of the story. In one he’s a pirate, for example, and in another he’s visited by a descendant of Archie’s from the future, who belongs to the time police. But towards the end of the volume, the line between these daydreams and reality seem to blur for Jughead. He comes to the conclusion in one particular nightmare that Stanger is trying to brainwash them all into becoming mindless agents for his evil organization—and then he realizes he may not be that far off from the truth.

Jughead brings this realization—that Stanger is using the school as a sort of training ground for secret agents—up to his friends, and understandably, they aren’t convinced. They worry that the compounded exhaustion of multiple all-nighters playing games and the stress of being suspended has started to get to Jughead, but he vows to prove it to them.

I mean, damn, Betty, that kind of hurts. (Don’t worry, Betty is actually a good friend, as I’m sure we’ll get into later in the series.)

To make a long story short (and to avoid spoiling the entire plot for those who haven’t read it!), Jughead does find proof, and once he does, his friends are immediately on board. They are ultimately able to save the day, and once it’s revealed that Stanger and the new teachers are ex-CIA trying to brainwash the students (no, seriously), Mr. Weatherbee is re-instated as principal and things return to normal.

I’m leaving out a lot of nuanced details, mostly for the sake of time, but there are a lot of surprisingly weighty moments to this first arc, and Zdarsky’s character writing is incredibly endearing and funny, while still hitting the serious moments when it needs to. There’s an interesting underlying commentary in this arc about military recruitment and U.S. propaganda; Stanger says that he specifically chose Riverdale because the students are so average. There’s something to be said here about the way the military industrial complex preys on average or underprivileged teenagers to convince them to serve when they feel they have no better path to take. It’s an almost funnily serious commentary for Zdarsky to make with a seemingly silly and off-beat comic series, and I respect him for that.

(If you recognize this panel, it’s because it appears on the page where Jughead’s asexuality is canonized. What a good page. So good that nobody ever points out this panel.)

By the end of Volume 1, we see that Jughead maybe isn’t as apathetic and careless as he seemed to be. Sure, he got up in arms about food of all things in the beginning, but it stopped being about food very quickly, once he realized that something truly messed up was going on. And it bothers him, deeply—at one point, the gravity of the situation begins to weigh on him so heavily that he nearly gives up entirely, convinced that there is nothing they can do and that they ought to just lie low until they make it out. But he does end up making things right, with the help of his friends, and in the end, he does decide to help Betty out after all. It’s the least he can do, really. You do get the impression that although Jughead’s friends often don’t take him seriously, they’ll always have his back when it counts—and he’ll do the same for them, even if he’ll insist on being a bit snarky about it.

(That slightly cynical attitude is still there, though, and truthfully, Jughead wouldn’t be the same without it.)

To close out, I am just going to share some of my favorite panels/quotes that didn’t fit elsewhere, including some choice Aro Moods. I hope this (admittedly brief) discussion of Volume 1 convinces you to read the comics, and to join me again when I cover the next arc. Until then, cheers to Chip and Erica.

Jughead’s attitude towards Archie’s romantic problems will never not be funny to me. He’s just like “RIP to you but I’m different.”

Kevin. :/ Kevin come on, man. Mr. Zdarsky, sir, this is character assassination. (Jughead’s face in the corner is a reasonable reaction.)

This one’s gone around so many times before (as have a bunch of other aro moments that I don’t think I need to bother re-posting here), but I just think it’s neat. Don’t worry, Betty lets go.

Aaand lastly, I just really like this line from Jughead. “The world is out of our hands, pal. You just gotta make your own weird way in it.” That we do, Jughead. That we do.

#my god the pain i went through to write this #aro #aromantic #aro jughead #ace jughead #aroace jughead #long post #jughead jones #ooohhh i'm gonna make shitterdale stans sooo angry #jughead comics #techno's jughead reread #<- tag for this little series #op

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fubukiswifenoimnotjoking · 3 years

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One Punch Man ship reviews bc I’m bored

WARNING: BIG ONE PUNCH MAN WEBCOMIC AND MANGA SPOILERS

GenoSai: do I even have to say it?? They compliment each other so well and are already besties. They make me so happy and I love their love. Genos literally came into Saitama’s life and brought so much new life and excitement when Saitama thought he’d never get any. Genos gives him love and appreciation all the time and never abandons him. Saitama isn’t connected to his feelings, but he cares about Genos and would do just about anything for him, to keep him safe. Genos constantly teases Saitama and Saitama grumbles and takes it with some banter, Genos is super emotional and Saitama does his best to comfort him, they fucking love shopping together and just hanging out period, they talk about the dumbest shit and somehow they still understand each other with the one brain cell they both share. It takes Genos forever to realize his feelings are deeper and Saitama has to be TOLD by their friends that he should fucking realize his feelings already. Just...I could keep going but I’ll stop! 2718873737839439/10 (let’s not talk about the age gap btw, 6 years isn’t bad and Genos is a legal adult.)

FubuSai: the stereotypical straight ship ppl gravitate to. Eh. I can see it, but at the same time I feel like they don’t completely compliment each other. Are they a hot couple? Duh. But I feel like their pride and communication issues would get in the way. 4/10

TatsuSai: hnghhhh. Someone mentioned this before, can’t remember who, but Saitama literally thinks she’s a child in canon. So that just....makes it gross. Same problems as FubuSai but worse. I’d rather see them as hesitant friends w a weird bond. 0/10

SonSai/SonicSai/idk the ship name: eh, toxic. Cant see them getting past communication issues and pride, again. Plus Sonic wants to kill his ass. Also, I just feel no romantic tension?? Even in fanfic it just falls flat for me. 3/10

MumenSai: a favorite!! Wish I saw it more, it’s very cute. Mumen is so kind and would absolutely be there to help him w self esteem and just help him be a better person period. And Saitama would have a cute little kind guy to tease and open up to. I could maybe see Mumen’s kindness getting on Saitama’s nerves when he’s in a bad mood bc Mumen almost never snaps and Saitama feels shittier, or maybe Mumen being mad at Saitama for being kinda lazy at home while Mumen is working his ass off and he’s like babe I just got home, please stop playing the fucking game and pay attention to me I have a concussion again. Prob too nitpicky on this one, heh, but 8.4/10

Genos x Sonic: wtf? As a crack ship, sure. That’s hilarious. But as a serious ship, 1.3/10 bc I could MAYBE see them bond over their love of my chemical romance or sum.

Anyone x Puri: -128382839287473828739219833468282/10. Fuck Puri.

TatsuKing: eh. Indifferent on this one too. I can see them getting along and Tatsu being the mean but supportive gf in public, but a sweet gf in private. King could be like her calm oasis of video games and sweet blonde shy bf. I sway more towards ace/aro King and queer non binary Tatsu, but this is still good. 6/10

FubuPsy/Fubuki x Psykos/idk: hell yeah!! This series NEEDS more wlw ships, both for me to project onto and to cry over. Prob my fav Fubuki ship, cuz they’ve known each other since they were young and had a tenuous friendship. I didn’t use to ship it until I saw that scene in the wc after the MA arc (u know the one) but here we are. They’re big personalities so any interaction is bound to be chaotic at first, but I really think they’d work. Pride put to the side, Psykos could be someone for Fubuki to finally rely on other than the Blizzard Bunch, someone to confide in, a badass partner to fight monsters with, talk about nothing for hours with, be a super fashionable #girlboss couple with, and someone who would really see her for who she is-especially w Psykos knowledge of her from the past. Hell, Psykos might even know her better than Tatsumaki. Fubuki could be an anchor to her like she currently is in the wc, providing a quiet comfort and making her open up little by little. Would prob be toxic at first bc of the MA arc and their desire for power, but is a very good ship I think. 9/10

Speedal/Sonic x Mumen: an old fav! Sonic would have a hard time not hating Mumen at first bc he’s the picture definition of a hero, sum he hates. But hanging out with him would show him Mumen is a GOOD guy genuinely and he’d be like ohhhh shit I’m in love w this man. Mumen would thoroughly appreciate someone to make him live a little, break some rules and stand up to ppl when they talk over him. He’d DEFINITELY be upset when finding out Sonic is an assassin, but would prob be conflicted bc he knows Sonic is a good person despite that. Would prob make Sonic give up on killing for them to be together. Sucks bc of the assassin thing and bc they haven’t met in canon! So we’re not sure how they’d interact with each other, sigh. 7.4/10

Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: a very underrated ship! To be clear, I headcanon Kama as a trans woman and so does most of the fandom. Anyway, very sweet and already built as a friendship bc of their partnership under Atomic Samurai. I can’t remember who writes fic and makes art of them on tumblr but AAAAA it’s so good! Very sweet. Basically depicted Bushi as a nervous himbo who’s honest about his feelings but scared to say them and Kama as a sweet lady who’s crazy about Bushi. Very sweet. Want more of them!! 6.1/10

OneZon/Zombieman x One Shotter: never even thought of the ship till I saw @megidolan art work! Very wholesome, and from what little we know of Shotter we know he’s a sort of nervous yet strong willed guy, and Zombieman would totally help him calm down bc he’s so chill. I could see them sharing cigarettes and talking shit on heroes while cuddling u know? 7/10 only because I don’t see enough of it but very good concept.

Mumarou/Mumen x Garou: a lot of ppl are gonna hate me for this but....I don’t like it. I’ve tried! I just—idk. I’ve read so many good fics about them that make me like it a bit, but the concept is just eh. I think their relationship is, in most reps, really cliche angsty stuff. I wish I could elaborate I just...gah! Basically, there’s better ships for the both of them imo. Sorry!! 4.3/10

Sonic x Flashy/SonFlash: yes!! Prob my fav Sonic ship. They have soooo much tension, it’s almost worse than Genos’ tension w Saitama. Flashy LITERALLY poisoned Sonic so that he wouldn’t be forced to kill him at the ninja graduation. He cares. They’ll never say it out loud, but they care. They have someone who understands what they went through in each other and someone they’re both so similar to, yet so different from. Sonic is more vocal about his expressions and let’s people know it while Flashy often keeps things to himself, they could really influence the other to be more this or that. I could see a lot of comfort with these two, and not much is needed for relationship development; they already have so much unspoken between them after meeting for the first time in years. Love it. Wish I saw it more! 10/11

KingSai: wonderful! Out of the few ppl Saitama is close to, def my second fav pick for a ship for him. There’s a post saying how Saitama doesn’t cut King off when he’s going on rants about games and stuff bc he’s talking TO Saitama, not at him like Genos tends to do on accident. They’re already great buddies! Saitama could find a shy gamer man who he can talk to about manga and stuff and also a passionate bf who could break out of his shell w Saitama and be himself with no lies. King can have someone to protect him, duh, someone who finally understands his weird sense of humor, and someone to shower him in the love and kindness he deserves when Saitama is in the mood to be all out like that w his affections. Plus he’s Saitama’s anchor and brings him back down when he’s super anxious and depressed and tells him what’s up that he needs to fix without sugarcoating it. Would def have a bunch of inside jokes and go on dates that are just staying inside playing video games all night. Domestic af. 10/10

Fubuki x Mizuki: my first wlw Fubuki ship! Hard to find but very good. Mizuki is this big ball of kindness, energy, and raw power that would make Fubuki go ‘Ohhhhhhh, big pretty lady make brain go brrr.’ I could see Mizuki grounding Fubuki when she’s in over her head, giving her random gifts bc she saw sum and thought of her, doing a marathon run and wildly waving at Fubuki in the crowd, and all around being a dependable woman confident in herself and in love with a mysterious esper. Prob a little shy when it comes to anything physical bc she loves Fubuki so much and is overwhelmed by the realness of being w her. Fubuki gives Mizuki advice on ‘acting like a proper hero’ or whatever and though Mizuki thinks she doesn’t need it, Fubuki still helps her a lot w her career and being taken more seriously by others. Would give Mizuki someone who loves her for who she is and would go wild on her in private when she can be open about her affection, would be someone Mizuki could exercise with and listen intently to Mizuki’s physical knowledge, and would absolutely bandage her when she’s all banged up. Hnghh love this ship. It’s only behind the FubuPsy ship juuuuust a little bc they haven’t met in canon so we can’t be sure about their interactions and stuff. 8.8/10, I love WOMEN

Batarou: how could I go this far without mentioning them?! They have SOOOO much tension in the centichoro fight, like come on. Both snarky assholes who are huge softies one the inside, Badd being the more logical one (still a himbo, tho) and Garou being the more chaotic one. Probably take forever to admit their feelings bc they’re so prideful and stupid <3 flirt through constant wrestling matches and it takes Genos saying ‘they should kiss already, they’re getting on his nerves’ for them to finally realize what’s up. (@rayadraws has a great au where Garou Genos and Badd are a chaotic friend squad and Genos is the only brain of the group, haha. Very good au y’all check it out!) Would constantly pick on each other affectionately and switch into concerned SO when the other is hurt like the big teddy bears they are. Raise Zenko together for sure. Garou would fumble being romantic and Badd would find it both hilarious and cute. 11/12

Zombie mask/Amai x Zombieman:

So. I don’t like Amai Mask and I used to hate him, BUT the webcomic and fic have really helped me calm down on him (he’s still a dick tho), so it’s easier to want to ship him and stuff. Bc of Amai’s anger issues and controlling behavior, I could see this relationship being super toxic and icky—but I think they have some form of understanding that pulls Amai back from being a complete dick, you know? Start off as fuck buddies and slowly form something else from spending companionable time together other than screwing. Zombieman pulls Amai back from his angry fits and soothes him over with his logic. Talk maaaaaad shit about heroes, but only when they’re alone because Zombieman knows Amai will talk loud af about the heroes they’re roasting and Zombie doesn’t wanna stop a fight from happening. Zombieman loves making Amai flustered and has a secret check list in his head of all the things that get Amai red faced. Loves to listen to Amai rant about things for hours and loves to watch his face go through almost cartoon like expressions as he talks. He won’t admit it, but Zombie loves to be spoiled by Amai’s shit tons of cash and often takes rides in Amai’s limos when he wants to smoke and think to himself. Amai has a hard time realizing how his feelings have changed, but gets hit hard with it when he wakes up to Zombie making them breakfast one morning while wearing Amai’s underwear. Amai also loves to spoil Zombie and takes him out to restaurants and buys him cool new weapons on the weekends. @batneko has pretty much gotten me into this ship and I strongly suggest looking at their works! 7.9/10

DemonKnight/Genos x Zero/Drive Knight: I’m pretty sure this used to be a crack ship before the past like 10 manga chapters—and now here we are! Not a fav bc 1. ZERO LEFT GENOS TO SELF DESTRUCT AFTER THEY COMBINED TO FORM THE FUCKING JET HE WAS JUST LIKE lol bye SO LIKE if he left him to die that’s super hard for me to forgive and ship grrr 2. Disregarding the manga’s canon and looking at the wc, while I love the little trip they went on where Zero demonstrated his abilities and helped Genos kill monsters, it’s super sus. He knew alllll of this info on Metal Knight and was super supportive and understanding when Genos said he needed time to think. Like,,,what are his intentions? We know so little about him—is he trying to trick Genos or was he being sincere? THAT STUFF ASIDE, they’re a really fun ship. They’re both huge fucking nerds and can keep up with their talk on robotics for hours, they’re both cyborgs so they understand each other’s pain, and they’re both super cool and angsty. I think they could really settle into a deep bond that can go platonic or romantic, just depends. Genos needs more ppl in his life so hell yeah! Plus, he can really let go with Zero bc they don’t have that teacher/student relationship and Zero, if he’s really a sincere and kind guy like in the wc, can be there for Genos and listen to him. Don’t have much to say on this ship other than @wellthisisembarrassing makes GORGEOUS art of them! 6.3/10

Webuiko/Suiko x Webigaza: YEAH I KNOW THEY HAVENT INTERACTED IN CANON AND WE DONT KNOW MUCH ABOUT THEM BUT HEAR ME OUT. Webigaza—cool af determined cyborg idol who’s surprisingly down to earth when talking with Child Emperor. Suiko—sassy and honest fighter who doesn’t take shit and is very passionate. Suiko would go to talk to Web then immediately freak out bc aaaa she’s way prettier than she thought, she can’t do this! Web would have to gently encourage Suiko to talk and at first is like ‘ah man, must be an adoring fan, ugh I’m so tired. At least she’s hot’ but when Suiko snaps out of her shyness Web is like oh! She’s super cool wtf. Always bump into each other during fights and help each other get fixed up, Suiko using her muscle power to lift Web’s pieces (and give Web a great view of Suiko’s muscles holy SHIT) and Web would patch Suiko up. Not to be stereotypical, but they’re def a masc/femme couple. I love the idea of this ship soooo much and I really hope they interact! 6.6/10 only bc they haven’t met 😭😭😭 look them up on here! There’s some great art of them by a few blogs

Dr. Kuseno x Bang: pretty sure @baldyborg came up with this one! Super cute. Just two old dudes finding a nice friendship in each other, maybe after Bang helps carry Genos to Kuseno’s after a day of fighting. Bang would find Kuseno to be a very cute little nerd man and would be sooo impressed by Kuseno’s mad scientist skills. Kuseno would be super impressed when seeing Bang in action too. They’d prob talk as soon as they meet each other and Genos would be in the background like you guys it’s been an hour, please fix me I’m on the verge of death 🧍🏻Bang would give Kuseno advice on training techniques to teach Genos and advice on making his bodies more martial arts ready or sum, meanwhile Kuseno would give his take on how to be kinder to Garou so that Bang would learn to repair the relationship with a gentleness he’s seemingly lacking (yes I’m talking about the chapter where he and Garou start fighting and Bang is just not doing enough to reach out to Garou, he’s being a callous old man! So yeah I’m still mad about that). Genos and Saitama would prob be out on a date and Saitama would be like oh theres Bang, wonder what he’s doing? Then Kuseno would walk up and kiss Bang and Genos and Sai would be shocked like SIRS 👬 Genos would tell Bang he doesn’t need another adoptive dad and Bang would be like....ok.... I see them retiring in a cottage together and Bang would become a huge softie. Yes I’m actively ignoring chapter 141 of the wc, shut up. 7.6/10

TankTop master x Mumen: they have a nice friendship going on in the manga right now! Just bros supporting bros. Tank is the picture definition of a muscly himbo and Mumen is his cute passionate bf. Also workout buddies af!! Don’t have much to say other than pretty good ship, just not a fav. 5.2/10

To sum it up—

GenoSai: 2718873737839439/10, Batarou: 11/12, SonFlash: 10/11, KingSai: 10/10, FubuPsy: 9/10, Fubuki x Mizuki: 8.8/10, MumenSai: 8.4/10, ZombieMask: 7.9/10, Dr. Kuseno x Bang: 7.6/10, Speedal: 7.4/10, OneZon: 7/10, Webuiko: 6.6/10, DemonKnight: 6.3/10, Okamaitachi x Bushidrill: 6.1/10, TatsuKing: 6/10, TankTop Master x Mumen: 5.2/10, Mumarou: 4.3/10, FubuSai: 4/10, SonSai: 3/10, Genos x Sonic: 1.3/10, TatsuSai: 0/10, anyone x Puri: -1283828319833468282/10

If there’s any ships I left out, it’s bc I don’t know them, don’t wanna talk about them, or just don’t have an opinion strong enough. Also, I know there are some poly ships like Genos x Saitama x Fubuki, but I’ve read only one fic about that (it was pretty good, here’s the link https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406992 ) so I don’t feel like talking about it. Hope no ones offended! All my opinion here :)

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savrenim · 3 years

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i am running thru ur tumblr to find ONE POST to cite for tvtropes, and i agree so hard with the soulmate stuff. what if my soulmate is an awful abuser, i want the choice to NOT be with them without some painful physical consequence or loss of perception if i don't date them just because the universe said we were "meant to be"... plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist and less like an ass pull so you could justify getting 2 characters together

oH gods this is something that I have SO many feelings about that probably is slightly informed by my own orientation and preferences, but. feelings. this got long so it's going under the cut

so there are three and a half major things that I have a problem with in terms of general soulmate tropes that are "there is one person who is your perfect romantic partner" (which to be fair I've seen a number of soulmate AUs do that trope with the addendum "although it only applies to a certain percentage of the population / not everyone has soulmates / everyone has soulmates but not everyone has SUPER PERFECT ROMANTIC soulmates" which at least somewhat avoids the statistic inevitability of abusive soulmates if combined with Fate Can See The Future And So Your Fated Soulmate Just Won't Be) and these complaints aren't even from the "I'm poly where's my poly rep" kind of place which is a whole 'nother bag of worms, but let's go:

1. I aggressively believe that love is a choice. Love is something that is built, not predetermined before you meet someone. There might be initial compatibility aspects going down when you first meet someone, but, like. statistically there are more than seven and a half billion people on this planet. If there is only a single person perfectly meant for you, again, statistically, you are not going to meet them, I've seen the figure thrown that on average a person will meet on the order 10,000 people in their lifetime but let's even go 100,000, you will meet 0.001% of the world's population. Unless you think some sort of divine coincidence or fate is guiding you to a soulmate which throws free will out the window and then I can't help you but, like. discarding the math, I think it is actively harmful to a relationship to believe that it can be sustained on chemistry or predetermined 'but we're perfect for each other' alone. It requires work. You choose who is in your life, you choose who stays in your life, you choose who you want to be important to you based on what they contribute to your life and what you contribute to theirs.

(I am assuming this ask is at least partially in reaction to my soulmate post, which actually the fic in question, a buried and a burning flame, has since gone up. I highly recommend reading Hands of the Emperor by Victoria Goddard first, but besides the setup for arson wizards that alas is never used because the fire mage with a soulmate in question is Responsible, I decided to both tackle 'okay soulmarks trope too let's throw it in', which leads to the not-really-a-spoiler passage that appears fairly early on about actually the full layout (albeit with less detail on the 'yeah for mages it just helps ground their magic, nothing romantic about it' part) of my Soulmate Rules:

Soulmates existed, both in the Empire of Astandalas and across the Wide Seas. They just worked slightly differently in Vangavaye-ve than the rest of the worlds.

The rest of the Empire seemed to view soulmates as a monolith. From what Cliopher had been able to glean, the tradition was grounded in their magic. Magi had soulmates, or rather, magic-workers would each have a soulmate. Cliopher wasn't clear if all magic-workers had a soulmate, or if magic-workers simply could have one, but there was always a mage in soulmate pairs, and it was always a pair. There were no marks, no visible signs involved, as soulmates were something that were sensed with magic. They were permanent, intrinsic, and to be recognized immediately.

To Wide Sea Islanders, soulmates were a choice.

The soul-marks, lana and lani-voa, would appear the first time you touched someone that you had chosen to love, with the full knowledge that you loved them. Cliopher had the marks of his mother and father, his sisters, Basil and Dimiter, Bertie and Ghilly. His skin was covered lovingly with the colors of his love, marks that he had gotten used to concealing with long sleeves in Astandalas when he had gotten tired of the constant staring at his 'primitive tattoos'.

Buru Tovo had been the only one to give him lani-voa, a greater mark of the soul. The pattern, with its thick lines and twisting design in a deep blue, extended over the entirety of his left arm and shoulder. They were the dances of his family pressed onto his skin, and he had traced them over with reverent and feather-light touch for months after he had received them. A lani-voa marked someone who had changed your life for the better in a deep and irrevocable way. It was a great honor to have even one.

And now, with the gold stretching up his right arm, new patterns that he didn't recognize stretching up from a handprint of pure gold that was expanding the longer he held that first contact with Tor—

now he had two.

(Buru Tovo is Cliopher's great uncle, for context. In fact, everyone listed there is either a familial or platonic relationship, with a single relationship that used to be romantic but settled into platonic.))

so. yeah. Love is a choice! The Biggest Of Moods! any soulmate lore that undermines that is a Bad Message, in my opinion.

The emphasis also on platonic soulmates leads into my second point:

2. I have found in my life that platonic relationships that I have are and have always been as important if not moreso than the romantic relationships. the emphasis of a single romantic relationship as the most important relationship that you can be in maybe fits for some people, but as a generalization to absolutely everyone I think is toxic and harmful. and not just for aro people! I'm not aro, but I would be miserable to write off my friends as Less Important And Meaningful to me than my parter, whom I love with all my heart! (I've actually ended up in my life settling into what I call the red/blue/gold system for 'relationships that I treat with the importance that society treats romantic relationships', but that's a personal thing). The standard soulmate trope tends to really solidly deliver the thesis of "there is a single romantic relationship that is the single most important relationship in your life" and I just think that's a very bad thesis.

3. Finally, I think the emphasis on permanent/forever is a harmful one for relationships in general. People change. you drift closer to people or further away from them. you move, they move, your schedules change, your interests change, your life changes. if you are living with a romantic partner you're going to keep seeing each other every day, but that doesn't stop you from changing as a person, which means see Point 1 Love Is A Choice; but even if you choose to remain together, you are probably eventually going to Ship Of Theseus your entire relationship. I think it is an important message that if that happens and it is no longer a relationship that is as deeply positive as it once was in your life, you don't...have to keep it out of loyalty to what it once was.

It's okay for people to drift out of your life that were once the most important person in your life. It doesn't invalidate how important and meaningful that relationship used to be, and it isn't a betrayal to let yourself and them and your relationships change and evolve. The idea that something has to be forever for it to matter I think is the idea about soulmates that I disagree with the most. Probably because that was the hardest lesson for me to learn as a kid and a teenager, and the life lesson that I am proudest for learning.

3.5 your point 'plus if it's just a magic thing it "feels" more justified in-universe that soulmates exist' is exactly on the nose, literally I am unable to write anything without attempting to write down a universal theory of everything for How The World Works. if something soulmate-wise is going down even if it never appears on the page you bet your ass I have either figured out the general cosmology and theology of "are there gods or divine forces who have instituted this policy? if so, why? what purpose does it serve", or in the case of abaabf which already has such interesting magic rules in the original canon of "is there an evolutionary reason for soulmates to exist" which I don't go tracing out full evolutionary biology for a fic necessarily mostly because I would want the full evolutionary biology in canon to make sure mine is compliant enough but that sure as hell does translate to "if soulmates exist and it's not for the reason of Because Godlike Beings Said So, there better be a practical purpose". I find at least long-form soulmate fics (ie things With Plot and a Developed Setting that aren't just "let's do a ficlet with this well-known trope") that Do Not Feel Like They've At Least Thought About Why Soulmates Happen To Exist hurt my soul. which I think slightly intersects with my "I hate it when the rules of the universe/ laws of physics are human-centric" instead of "the base rules which were not designed for humans came first, and how the human world works arose in reaction to them" and. yeah. consistent desire to know at least for myself why things are set up the way that they're set up which gods ifmlam is wild and completely bullshit and pulls from quantum multiverse philosophy I started writing that thing when I was like. eighteen? nineteen? but at least it's there so I can be consistent.

as a caveat for everything above: I don't actually think that fiction, fanfiction in particular, needs to perfectly reflect what A Good Relationship or A Good Message About Relationships should be. it is a very human desire in a chaotic and confusing world to want a simple, absolute, binary thing to hold onto. fiction is a place for escapism or wish fulfillment or even exploring things that you wouldn't actually want in real life, I think that the movement in fandom/fiction that all of the messaging in your story should match the advice you'd give for a real-life setup is a bad and harmful one. mostly my opinions on soulmates and hence desire to do inversions of the soulmate trope in my fic and things like the red/blue/gold system and heavy emphasis on platonic relationships in original work that I'm writing is about a desire to see representation for me and the things I love and find important and my sort of relationships in the stories that are a big part of my life. but I am really glad that in doing so I seem to have struck a chord in other people, who maybe want to see the same thing!

#my life #my writing #abaabf #soulmates #also what post are you looking for/ what is its general topic if you haven't found it #I might remember a few keywords and be able to help you search

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all-seeing-ifer · 3 years

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apparently i’m just in a Mood to talk about jo n laurie and the proposal scene today (insert obligatory when am i fucking not joke here) and this isn’t really me making any analysis and more me spitballing about what directions i’d want to go in if i were to hypothetically write my own adaptation, but one specific part of the scene that i’d love to see taken in a different direction is the line right at the end when Laurie tells Jo “there'll come a time when you will care for somebody, and you'll love him tremendously, and live and die for him. I know you will, it's your way, and I shall have to stand by and see it” (taken from the original book).

Every adaptation I’ve seen has played that line straight, that Laurie genuinely believes that Jo will one day find someone else who she loves instead of him and is heartbroken about it. BUT, and maybe it’s just my insistence on looking at every single aspect of this fucking story through the “Jo is aroace” lens but I can’t help but read this moment as like. laurie legitimately knows deep down that jo’s right about how she’ll never marry, and is saying this specifically to get a rise out of her, because he’s upset and angry and she’s his best friend and he knows that implying she’s going to eventually “grow out” of her aversion to marriage will get under her skin in a way that literally nothing else can. which yeah, is obviously a way less romantic reading of that moment, but A) I’m aro and I do what I want, and B) I legitimately really love how the 2019 film played the proposal scene as a whole - that it’s not a love confession scene, it’s a fight. They’re best friends who care about and understand each other deeply and this is the worst fight they’ve ever had. I think that’s a genuinely far more interesting and compelling take than any of the other adaptations of this scene, and I’d be interested to see it taken even further.

There’s definitely an argument that it would make Laurie seem too mean-spirited, but also I think the scene where he drunkenly implies that Amy’s given up on her artistic ambitions because she’d rather be Fred Vaughn’s trophy wife demonstrates that he’s absolutely not above being super mean when he’s upset. It’s kind of one of the main parallels between him and Jo, actually (and also I’d say arguably Amy). They both have a tendency when they’re upset or angry to do/say legitimately hurtful and cruel things, and then when they’ve calmed down immediately have a moment of Oh God Why The Fuck Am I Like This.

anyway, i’m not entirely sure what the point of this post was, but let it be known that i just have a lot of feelings about this scene and thoughts about how i’d adapt it if given the chance

#little women #little women 2019 #little women book #jo march #theodore laurence #ifer rambles #me getting to the end of this post like in conclusion what was the point of all this

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sobdasha · 3 years

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i’ve been rereading a lot of my favorite stuff for months now

since I'm lacking in spoons for library trips

And when I was cottoning on to the fact that I have, in fact, been autistic all along, one of the things I realized is that the connecting thread between the kinds of stories and kinds of characters that I like is in fact that they display autistic or autistic-adjacent traits. I had realized this, come up with a lot of examples. I knew this.

Haha yeah as I'm actually rereading the things the evidence is damning that I did not come even close to understanding the full depth of it.

~ Taucris Ithesta is Autistic and Other Adjacent Things re: Leckie's Novels ~

Actually let's start with The Raven Tower because you can't actually argue with me about autistic Siat.

Siat actively avoids eye contact, is """shy""", speaks too softly, has an excellent grasp of humor, likes rocks as a special interest, likes to collect rocks, likes to sort rocks, likes to line up rocks, has one (1) bff to conduct social interactions for her, notices patterns, is good at learning, and is considered disabled by society's standards.

Ughhhhh all that talk about rocks makes me sad all over again that I pitched my rock collection when I moved out (I saved the best fossils, though).

(ETA: I have since bought more rocks because polished gemstones with carvings on them make for great stims, I am very pleased with me)

Okay so now that that's been established, let's talk about Strength and Patience of the Hill.

Because this rock gets me. Originally I figured it was probably, y'know, like with Ancillary Justice Leckie's given me an ace-aro main character and I can identify with that as an ace-aro. But unlike Breq, who very much loves people and wants to take care of them and found family etc, Strength and Patience of the Hill doesn't give much of a shit about people. With some exceptions of people that are it's people, how dare you mess with them, Strength and Patience of the Hill will kick your ass. Although even then I'm not sure Strength and Patience is all that great at taking care of people. Also Strength and Patience of the Hill is very much absorbed in its own selfishness, very much consumed with his own internal world, and I am also a jerk like that so it was very relatable.

(Yes I am using multiple pronouns because one of my many favorite parts of the book signing was watching everyone scramble over pronouns for a rock because "It never came up so I never figured it out" and I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't even use pronouns because why would you need a gendered pronoun to refer to yourself??? You don't even need a name to refer to yourself, actually I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't actually consider itself to have a name.)

So it made sense that this rock just really gets me. I know it's bad when the majority of representation for ace-aro characters is stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens (oooh or sentient space rocks wait wAIT now that I've said that I've just realized the Myriad is the definition of a Crystal Gem, pffft) or whatever but honestly I don't care because I just really identify with the robots??? So I really liked it, YMMV.

(It's probably also bad if the trend for autistically-coded characters is just stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens or whatever too but like honestly a big autistic #mood is feeling like you are a robot or an alien or whatever so maybe that's why I'm not offended???)

My point being that Strength and Patience of the Hill displays a lot of autistic traits and is therefore very relatable, in this Ted Talk I will.

Strength and Patience of the Hill processes things slowly. She will come up with the perfect retort and tell you 5 years later with absolutely no context.

It loves daydreaming, staring at things, noticing patterns, and enjoying quiet and solitude. It loves thinking about why things are the way they are. Look I have fantasized about what if I could exist as just a pair of eyeballs and a mind floating around in space, observing things, thinking things, and not having to actually interact with the world, and I'm pretty sure this rock is living that life. (Until y'know it gets told life doesn't work like that.)

Despite his slow processing speed, and taking a while to learn language, Strength and Patience of the Hill is good at learning things, and I feel like it's the kind of sort-of-sideways, context-based accumulation of knowledge that I learn through as well.

Strength and Patience of the Hill has one (1) friend, and through the Myriad it benefits from the fact that the Myriad has an actual social circle, without having to put forth any effort of maintaining friends on its own, which is 100% the way to do it.

Strength and Patience of the Hill tends to attract the other "quirky" kids--that is, my impression is that the people who become his priests tend to be those people who look at the world a little differently, those people on the fringes. Trans people, autistic people, people with other disabilities.

Strength and Patience of the Hill trying to explain the state of affairs in Vastai to Eolo: "Okay so my first memory I can recall is…" No, okay, no, I know, it's just literally how the narrative has to be told, I'm not criticizing, but that doesn't make it any less reminiscent of "autistic person trying to explain a simple thing but starts in with 10 pages of context first to ensure the over-explanation makes sense" (haha that's why I consistently got stuck training endless new hires, I'm literally so bad at it that I'm the best in the department and I hate life).

Difficulty understanding other's feelings/points of view/circumstances (I know it's because he's a rock and a god but that doesn't make it any less relatable), hmmm what else…

Oh right, a typical interaction with Strength and Patience of the Hill:

Person: (gives offering) Strength and Patience: (offering is accepted because the transaction literally occurred, no need to respond) Person: "(asks petition)" Strength and Patience: ... Strength and Patience: wait Strength and Patience: what Strength and Patience: wait was I supposed to do something else Strength and Patience: did you ask something of me? Strength and Patience: I don't understand what you asked????? Strength and Patience: it's been an entire year now it's too awkward Strength and Patience: i'm sure it's. Fine. Strength and Patience: It's fine. (rinse and repeat)

Like I said, this rock gets me.

(Haha I was reading through my notes from the book signing and I found "Strength + Patience doesn't give a shit about balance, Strength + Patience is just selfish, which it manifests as apathy, which is why this rock gets me. All of my best interpersonal traits also spring from not giving a fuck and waiting ppl to go away faster lol" and why is that, oh because ~I'm~ ~autistic~ pfffft)

I started this post a while ago and this was as far as I got and I don't remember if I had more??? Time to talk about Taucris probably!!!

(I'm skipping Ancillary Justice etc for now because I do want to make a post about that but like there's just. So much. In those books. It's masking all the way down. So it can be its own post. One day.)

Because I waited so long I forgot what I was going to write so I'll just grab the book and flip through and comment as I see things.

To start off with: Taucris and adulthood. I've seen other people pick up primarily on the gender aspect of it--that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she she never figured out what her gender was (non- uhhhhhh what's the word for binary when it's three and not two? Non-tri-something Taucris in a society with 3 options but all 3 options are gendered? I'll go with that.) What really resonated for me was that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she never felt like an adult. And I get that ~everyone feels that way~ but I feel like it's Different for Taucris in the same way it's Different for me. Anyway I feel like no matter which aspect you choose, it's probably an autistic vibe.

Also Taucris seems to have a bit of a flat affect? She seems very serious (both in body language and in speech), and kind of intense sometimes when she talks, and Ingray notes how Taucris usually doesn't smile (she smiles with Ingray because Ingray makes her comfortable) and has always been """shy""".

Also Taucris...talks strangely? I am not sure exactly how to explain it. It's not written badly or anything, it's...you know how sometimes you suddenly sit back and look at dialogue and go no one speaks like this and it throws you out of the story because you dropped your suspension of disbelief? Taucris kind of gives me that feeling, and only Taucris. Almost like her speech is a little bit stilted? Awkward? She's very serious and matter of fact and says things like "You've always been so kind to me" with a straight face. But it doesn't feel like a """bad writing""" (quotation marks for subjectivity) thing. But I notice it every time I read her dialogue… I think it's just that Taucris is autistic and awkward and that's how she speaks. Also I think she's adorable.

Police work is Taucris' special interest. So much so that that's the entire reason she became an adult, so she could engage in her special interest better. She's ~weird~ for her single-minded interest and her interest in a job below her ~status~ and she doesn't care, she set her heart on this anyway, volunteering and interning so on.

Oh that was something else I was going to talk about--Taucris mentions feeling like she doesn't have her shit together, not like Ingray (who also doesn't feel she has her shit together. Kind of like "no one really feels like an adult). But Taucris seems quite calm and capable in Planetary Security. I don't know if this is just masking, but...I really hope that she does feel that way in her job. That because it's her special interest, that helps balance out the stress of being alive and simultaneously employed full-time. That because she's been volunteering and interning here so long, she's been familiar with the office and it wasn't a stressful transition. That she acts confident because she feels competent and respected. Taucris may look calm and cool and collected on the outside and be screaming on the inside but I hope she actually feels pretty good on the inside too.

I would also like to say that I like Taucris' nother. Despite what Danach implies, I get the picture from Taucris that e is supportive of Taucris' personality and interests even when e doesn't get it. E indulged her interest in police work, e didn't understand why Taucris wasn't taking an adult name but tried to be patient about it...so I assume that also means that e was understanding of all of Taucris quirks and stims and particularities. E's been a good support system while Taucris' peers have not.

(Except for Ingray, Taucris' one (1) friend.)

I like Taucris' relationship with Deputy Chief Veret too--the way Taucris quietly manages breakfast so e doesn't have to think about it or be put out (this is The Love Language to me, not being inconvenienced, and I feel that this is part of my personality because my personality is autistic, so). I don't know why specifically Taucris does this, but all the reasons I could come up with feel very wholesome. Taucris respects Veret as her boss and as a person. Taucris is empathetic and thoughtful (she doesn't like Danach but she tries to consider and understand where he's coming from; Taucris isn't Hatli but she considers Veret's fasting etc to be valid rather than a choice of superstition). Taucris' situation is different but she knows that it doesn't feel good to be treated as weird, to be sneered at because you don't act the way people expect you to. Taucris, being autistic, maybe has a lot of experience with "perfectly good foods" she won't eat. Taucris strikes me as someone who observes quietly, and considers carefully, and maybe takes a long time to make up her mind but when she moves it's deliberately and not carelessly. Which is, to me, a masking trait.

In the quantum version of this post I was going to write everything so polished and lay out my points so nicely but clearly that didn't happen and I don't know where to end this and I'm sure I didn't even explain things that well so I'll just say, I feel it was very autistic of Taucris in the last chapter to just be like "well IDK what you want from me and rather than expending massive effort trying to suss it out and guessing wrong I'll just be direct: I know you can't talk about what happened so I won't ask you about what happened unless you want me to ask you about what happened in which case you should say so and I will ask but I think maybe you just need to watch a movie with me instead."

#sobdasha fic adjacent #al provenance #the raven tower #HAPPY AUTISM MONTH #look i actually did a thing while it was still april #all my faves are autistic #also is this not showing up in the tags as punishment for my sins or like can I not see it because dumblr

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shoryubug · 4 years

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Standing Up. Chapter 2: Andre Glacier

Ahhhh so it's been a while, and my laptop got back to me today...but I'm not feeling that great D: plus with everyone around me assuming it's the big plague going around (when in fact I don't interact with other humans so it's very much indeed just a dang cold), I haven't been in the best of moods to write...but I did promise as soon as I could that I'd get Standing Up continued, so I hope you guys don't hold it against me! Tumblr: Chapter 1, 2 (here), and Ao3 (for registered users).

Alya was always doing this kind of thing, pushing her ideas and thoughts and plans aside...it wasn’t just hers either. Continually she’d been witness to Alya doing the very same thing to Nino, and it was frustrating. It didn’t matter that it had just happened, Marinette wanted to stop thinking about it, so after stomping her way over to Rose and Juleka who were both outside the school gates, she wasn’t exactly angry, that would be too simple, she was more irritated. The fact that Alya continually railroaded her time and time again was frustrating, and the worst part was that it was getting to the point that Nadja Chamack wasn’t willing to trust her as much as a babysitter, so all the spare money that she was earning before was now reduced heavily, due to every instance that Alya was around both her and Manon.

"So Marinette, we got a trailer for Juleka’s bike so that we can all go to Canal Saint-Martin for the photographs, Luka said he’d meet us at your place so that we can all ride down there together because he found a place that we can all change in!" Rose gushed as Marinette had felt a wave of peace wash over her for a moment.

"Yeah, let’s just go to my place for all of it!" she said cheerily as the three of them made their way to the bakery, Rose waited outside guarding the bike while Juleka and Marinette had gone inside to gather a few piles of clothing, three outfits for each Juleka, Rose, and Luka, and Marinette’s mind began to wander to Juleka’s older brother for a moment while the pair of them silently went down the various rows of stairs to dump the folded piles of clothing in the trailer.

Luka was definitely a godsend to her in these moments, and she didn’t know what she would have done without his support. She had given up everything she felt before for Adrien, to give him and Kagami a fair chance at being together, because they were both her friends, and they both were interested in each other, and they both deserved to be happy...even if it had meant that she had to sacrifice the potential of any future she might have wanted with him. That wasn’t as important as the happiness of two of her friends, no matter how much it hurt her in the end.

Marinette found herself to still be lucky to have the support of friends like Juleka, Rose, Luka, Mylene, Alix, Kim, Nino, and of course Tikki in the moments that she could feel the weight of that sadness pulling her down and she was grateful for it. Not a lot of people in the world had that kind of support.

"Wasn’t there also some jewelry you wanted us to model?" Rose asked, breaking Marinette from her reverie.

"Ah-umm, yes, but I wanted it to be a surprise so let me go get the box, and once you’re getting dressed in the outfits you can choose what jewelry you want to model!" Marinette stated, rushing back up the stairs to search her room for the three boxes of jewelry she had packed away, each labeled with her three models names affixed in permanent marker, written in the same fancy script as what was on the T&S bakery door before she made her way back down the stairs.

"So, since you’re getting us ice cream after I kind of wanted to bring something up…" Juleka stated as Marinette turned her gaze to the girl, setting the boxes in the trailer then zipping the casing up and turning her gaze to the girl.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to know too, but I’m going to ride ahead to meet Luka! Please let me know the answer Juleka! I’m really curious!" Rose’s sweet voice broke through as Marinette nodded, trying to follow along confused while Rose grabbed a helmet from the trailer and sped off like a speed-demon, making Alix’s speed craze look tame in comparison.

"So...you had a question?" Marinette offered as she looked up at Juleka, admiring the girl’s beautiful figure and face.

"Well...everyone is assuming that your new flavors are hinted at Luka...but the colors seem more like you yourself, don’t you think?" Juleka’s question lingered between the two of them for a moment as Marinette sighed.

"I don’t really know what to think...I try not to think about the ice cream...I know my dad proposed to my mom with a scoop of it, but...I think I lost my faith in it when Andre was akumatized because I didn’t want to eat it." Marinette admitted, giving Juleka a knowing look.

"Wait he was akumatized because you didn’t want to eat ice cream?" Juleka asked, perplexed "I thought it was because something else happened, that’s what everyone made it sound like!"

"Well...Mylene, Ivan, Alya, and Nino invited me and Adrien to go get ice cream with them...a couples thing I guess...but Adrien couldn’t go, and I was upset, so I felt like a fifth wheel to them, you know, two pairs of couples and one single person...and when they all went to get their ice cream, he kind of...tried to force me to take some myself, claiming that it would 'make my true love materialize'" she used air quotes at that. "And I was fooled for a second, into thinking that this boy was Adrien for a moment...but then I dropped my ice cream and my appetite was gone, so I told him as much...and he insisted on making another one, and...I kind of said that I didn't believe ice cream could bring true love...that ice cream was just ice cream...and I left...everyone kind of followed after but mostly I just wanted to be alone..." she stated with a sigh before shaking her head.

"Wow...it sounds a lot more like he was being a jerk," Juleka whispered, and Marinette sighed.

"I don't know...I shouldn't have overreacted the way that I did...but I didn't know what to do...he was a grown man, and he wound up getting akumatized over it...and I don't know how long it took him to find me, luckily for me Chat Noir was with me that night, or I might have been turned into an ice cream sculpture..." she stated, wrapping her arms around her frame.

"You were with Chat Noir that night? You know how funny it would be if he was your true love? I mean, your old colors kind of match his too." Juleka offered as Marinette burst out into a fit of giggles.

"Yeah, right, me and Chat Noir. That's the best joke I've ever heard!" Marinette managed through her fit of giggles, though aware in the back of her mind that even the possibility of her and Chat Noir together was the making of something catastrophic.

It figures that it would start with the word cat too, effectively making it a pun. Ugh.

she thought, before bouncing in her step trying to match Juleka's pace.

As they had finally gotten to their destination after a few more minutes of chit-chat that was more lighthearted, Juleka and Rose had gone off to one bathroom while Luka stood and waited in one of the new outfits that he was modeling for her, a smile plastered on his face the moment that she'd approached him, and as he was about to speak she held up a finger to silence him, her eyes raking over every detail before she went to the trailer of the bike and came back with a small sewing kit, quickly setting up a ladder stitch on the back of the coat, while it was still on him, then pulling the seam to make it better fitted to his form.

"That looks much better...you were about to say something though? I'm really sorry for interrupting!" she murmured before he shook his head and smiled wider at her.

"Nothing, it's always great to watch you when you're in your own mind, it's like watching a rickshaw in action, something you just can't peel your eyes from because it's intricacies are too alluring." His compliments set her cheeks ablaze for a moment. Leave it to Luka to make her blush. "Anyway Ma-ma-ma-Marinette, how have you been? Rose said you were having some trouble earlier." He patted the space beside him, beckoning her forward. "You can always talk to me if you need...or not talk, you know." His intense aquatic gaze made her feel at ease for a moment.

"It's...It's not that it's bad or anything it's just that...Alya keeps...pushing my buttons. I mean...before when she tried to invite herself to everything I had always thought it was just her trying to be a good friend, but today it just felt too intrusive. She tried to pull Adrien and Lila in too, and just disregarded me telling her no...it was just...too much." she stated, giving a sigh. "I know I probably shouldn't have gotten so angry about it, but I couldn't help it! I mean, she just wouldn't listen! Sometimes she's so stubborn that I just...want to scream at her!" Marinette felt her eyes beginning to water. "I guess I kind of did today though, huh? So much for keeping my cool..." it was then that she had felt Luka's arms around her, embracing her tightly, the warmth of his body spilling into her like an ocean meeting the sand.

"You don't deserve to have your plans stomped on by anybody Marinette...standing up to her was the best thing that you could have done in this situation, maybe now she'll start to understand that she needs to take your requests seriously," Luka stated before he pulled away and his gaze met his sister's who had quickly turned away as if she were caught up in an embarrassing moment...though there was nothing embarrassing about it. Intimate maybe, but not embarrassing.

"Thank you, Luka...I guess I really needed to hear that," she stated before wiping at her eyes.

The photoshoot had gone well, each of the three models posting around the various spaces that Marinette wanted them to while she took multiple high-resolution photos from her phone, which now had a special magnifying lens affixed to it. All in all the four of them had fun, them in making new poses and her in fixing things up, jokes all around between them, and it was one of the happier moments that Marinette had experienced in a while, full of laughter and joy.

"So now that we're all done, do you guys still want to go for ice cream?" Marinette offered, pointing out the Andre Glacier ice cream cart to the trio. Juleka and Luka had simultaneously shrugged while Rose's wide ocean eyes had somehow gotten wider.

"Yes! Ice cream sounds amazing! We should all get our own though if that's okay! I'm just not in a sharing mood!" Rose stated which had made Juleka burst out in laughter. All of them had made their way over to the ice cream cart where Rose and Juleka had gone first.

"We'd like some ice cream please!" Rose stated in earnest as Andre had looked the duo over.

"Strawberry for her darling smile, blackberry for her hair, and blueberry for your ocean blue stare! This shall keep your love together through any affair!" Andre sang out, scooping out the ice cream and putting a cherry and two-scoop spoons on top, to which Rose gave a disappointed look, taking the ice cream to share with Juleka, before Marinette pursed her lips while Luka approached, being gifted some ice cream himself, the same pink and blue colors that he and Marinette had often gotten before Marinette had gotten to Andre.

"I'll take one of each of the previous sets please," Marinette stated as Andre gaped at her then awkwardly laughed.

"Ah, pretty Marinette! You know how the ice cream is here---" he began before Marinette's gaze turned to steel while she looked directly into Andre's eyes.

"As I said, I'll take one of each of the previous two sets of ice cream please." Her voice was cold, anger seeped into her words.

"That isn't how I run this stand Marinette--"

"This isn't a practical way to run a business Andre." She snapped before grabbing two five euro bills and slamming them on his stand before stomping off, notably without ice cream as she made her way over to the trio that had made their way to the bike as Juleka had taken leave on it, to go drop off the clothing and jewelry at Marinette's and the trailer at Rose's. Luka himself had been there with Rose who shrugged about it, though Marinette only sighed.

"So...do you wanna share?" Luka offered as Marinette shook her head 'no'.

"I'm fine...thank you though. I'm not really in the mood for ice cream...I was hoping Andre would be understanding, but apparently, he isn't." She murmured, as the first time that she'd gotten ice cream with her friends replayed in her mind for the second time that day. Irritation laced that memory, just as it had infected her formerly happy mood. "I think I'm gonna head home...actually...thank you guys for today, and let Juleka know that I'll get her some pastries for breakfast tomorrow to make up for what happened with Andre today..." Marinette offered as Luka nodded, Rose softly sighed.

"It's just too bad...I don't like this ice cream much now..." Rose whispered. "I think I might just go get it from stores from now on! You get more for your money in them!" Rose offered, joyously.

"That sounds like a plan to me!" Marinette stated. "I hope you guys have a great rest of the day! I've gotta study for this Friday's test in physics, I'll see you guys later!" She stated as she began to make her way home, no doubt to hear about how rude she'd been that day from Tikki, and get a lecture from her kwami...which she wasn't in the mood for.

@spicybelladonna @vixen-uchiha @doglover82 @captainmac6 @my-name-is-michell @schrodingers25 @mewwitch @princertain @geminikessa @legallyspawned @falling-electricxangel @miraculous-mango @novicevoice

#ml salt #alya salt #andre glacier salt #miraculous salt #ml fanfic #ml fic #mlb fanfic #miraculous ladybug #ml salt fic #ml standing up

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boldly-ho · 4 years

Text

Another Life - Chapter 7

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Series Rating: M

Word Count: 2877

Chapter Summary: Viago decides you should all get along, so you go for a night out on the town with the guys to humor him.

A/N: Drunken author. Let me know if there are any glaring issues. American author. Never been to NZ. Let me know if there are any glaring issues. As always, cross posted to ao3. Posting early bc I’m still drunk and idgaf.

“Hey,” you greeted the three men who were already seated around the kitchen table. “Is Petyr coming?”

Viago hesitated. “This doesn’t really pertain to Petyr.”

You’d figured as much. When Viago asked to come down for a flat meeting, your second since moving in, you’d guessed it was about Deacon and his reluctance to do his chores. You were surprised, then, when your flatmates all turned to you and Viago spoke.

“So, Y/N, we don’t want you to feel as though we’re ganging up on you…”

Wait, what?

“Okay…”

Viago continued. “It’s just that you- and not all the time, of course, just sometimes-“

“Stop slamming the front door,” Vladislav interrupted.

Given that Viago, in his attempts to calm you, had very much worried you, you were grateful for Vladislav’s blunt approach.

“Your bedroom door, too,” Deacon added.

Viago offered you a sheepish smile, his fangs just poking out of his mouth. “Ja.”

You felt a bit embarrassed by your transgression. “Have I been waking you guys up?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry. I’ll try to be more conscious of how much force I’m using.”

Viago offered you a real smile this time. “Great! I’m glad we were able to come to an understanding.” With that, he drew a neat line through the impeccably written ‘flat meeting’ on his to do list and flipped his notebook shut.

“Right,” you said. “Uh, did this have to be a whole flat meeting though?”

Viago stared at you blankly.

“I mean, couldn’t one of you guys just have pulled me aside and asked me to close the door more quietly? Instead of having a whole production?” Despite Viago’s initial spiel, you did feel a bit ganged up on.

“I tried that!” Deacon interjected, clearly offended.

“You did?” You didn’t remember that.

“Last week. I told you that you had woken me up and to be more careful shutting the door!”

Oh, crap.

He had. To be fair, though, you had thought he was just being a jerk because he didn’t like you, and so you’d dismissed his concerns out of hand. You felt your face heat in embarrassment.

“Oh, right. Well, I, uh, didn’t realize you were serious,” you mumbled.

“What?” Vladislav asked. You could tell from his tone that he was asking because he hadn’t heard you, not because he was shocked or appalled at your words.

Still, it wasn’t helping how suddenly sheepish you felt. Attempting to speak more clearly you said, “I didn’t think it was actually an issue. I just thought you were just being particular because you don’t like me.”

Now it was Deacon’s turn to look sheepish.

“It’s fine!” You hastily tried to reassure them all. “It’s no big deal, really. I’ll be quieter during the day. And, Deacon, it’s fine. You’re always civil.” Almost always, anyway. “And it’s not like we all need to be best friends, right? Really, it’s fine.”

Looking around the table, you were met with blank stares.

Okay, then. You excused yourself and made your way upstairs to your bedroom, taking care to close the door softly behind you. You wished you could forget the last few minutes.

Only moments later, you heard a knock at the door.

“Y/N?” It was Viago.

You sighed internally before opening the door.

“Sorry about that downstairs. I hope it didn’t feel like an ambush.”

“No, of course not,” you lied.

“Good,” he responded before getting to his main point. “Why don’t you come out with us tonight?”

“Like out clubbing?”

He nodded. “Ja. With you and Deacon not really getting on, I figured we could all get to know each other better over a night out.”

Ah. So Viago was the kind of person who needed to be best friends with his flatmates. You didn’t really feel like going out tonight. You’d been up all day, whereas your flatmates have been awake for just a couple of hours. You also weren’t super excited to spend a whole evening with these guys. On the other hand, it had been a while since you went out, and it would be nice to get out of the house for something other than work or grocery shopping. Still, though, didn’t these guys actually, literally kill people when they went out? Maybe? But if you went out with them, it’s not as though they’d bring home a victim. Not someone that you had seen and interacted with. So by that logic, shouldn’t you go out?

Viago was looking at you expectantly.

“Um, okay, sure, why not?”

He grinned excitedly.

“When do we leave?” you asked.

“As soon as you’re ready.”

“Give me 15?”

Viago nodded and left, and you got ready in a heavily expedited version of your routine. You applied a coat of mascara and a layer of powder before brushing through your hair. Quite a bit more casual and simple than your usual going out look, but you hoped your go-to dress would make up for it. It was a classic black LBD, the perfect combination of slutty and classy, fitting your form in the most flattering way. Checking yourself in the mirror revealed someone who looked pretty well put together, all things considered. You pulled on the matching shoes and felt again to be sure the cross necklace was still in place before speeding downstairs.

The guys fell silent at your arrival. It was clear from Deacon’s glare and from the residual energy in the room that they had been talking about you. Viago probably hadn’t gotten the others’ permission to invite you along. Having already made up your mind to go, you traipsed out the front door and began towards the bus stop, trusting them to follow you.

The bus ride into town was silent and awkward. Your flatmates all boarded ahead of you, and the bus was crowded. Your choice of seat was narrowed down to either squeezing yourself between Viago and the wall, or sitting in a row of three with Deacon and Vladislav. Given your relationship with Deacon, one erotic dance invitation notwithstanding, and what had happened the last time you had any real interaction with Vladislav, you chose to make yourself fit in the narrow space beside Viago. As the bus began to move, you realized that choosing the clearly uncomfortable space sent an explicit message to the other two that you did not want to sit with them.

Upon exiting the bus, the four of you formed a small huddle to discuss the evening’s game plan.

“Let’s go to Boogie Wonderland,” you offered. They shot you down. “Red Square?” They again refused. “Where do you guys usually go, then?”

“We could start out at the Big Kumara,” Deacon suggested. “I’m supposed to meet Jackie, anyway.”

The other two agreed easily, so you nodded as well. You didn’t know who Jackie was, and you’d never been to the Big Kumara, but as you approached it, you realized you’d seen it before, though never given it much attention. It was more of a townie bar than a club. That might be best, though, given that you didn’t do much for hair or makeup.

You guessed that the guys must be regulars given the odd and friendly greeting by the bouncer, and how a casual “She’s with us,” from Vladislav was enough to get you the same greeting.

The bar was quiet compared to the street outside. Other than the four of you, the only people there were the two seated at a booth and the bartender. It was simultaneously too dim to see well and too bright compared to the nightclubs you were expecting. It smelled more like the wood paneling on the walls than the greasy pub food you expected they served. Oh well, this night wasn’t really about were you went. It was about spending time with your flatmates. Or at the very least, placating Viago.

“I’ll get the first round. What do you guys want?”

“No thank you.”

“I’m not really in the mood right now.”

“I’m alright.”

You laughed.

They moved to take a larger booth.

“Oh, seriously?” you asked. Who turned down free booze?

“Ja,” Viago answered. “You go ahead, though, and meet us over there,” he said, pointing.

Whatever. It saved you some money. Still, why go to a bar and not get anything to drink?

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked.

You ordered your drink, plus a plate of chips for the table. When he returned with your drink, you gave him your card and asked for a glass of water as well. With the other guys not drinking, you figured you should do your best not to get wildly drunk.

Your beverages and fries in hand, you returned to the booth to find not just your flatmates, but an unfamiliar woman, as well.

“Hi,” you greeted her. “I’m Y/N. Help yourself to some chips.”

“Hi. Jackie,” she introduced herself. “I’m an old friend of Deacon’s.” She reached across the table to shake your hand before taking a few chips.

“Nice to meet you. Can I get you a drink?” You took a sip of yours.

“No,” Deacon answered for her. “Jackie isn’t staying. We just have some things to discuss.”

His tone brokered no discussion on your part. You wondered exactly how they knew each other. The two excused themselves from the table, leaving you, Viago, and Vladislav alone.

“‘Do you guys come here a lot?”

“We know the owner,” Vladislav answered, “so we can get in even on busy nights.”

You wondered if he meant nights that the Big Kumara was busy, or nights when Te Aro in general was busy. Because it was busy out on the street, and you imagined in other bars, right now.

“That’s cool.”

You downed your drink quickly in the awkward silence that followed, and didn’t bother to excuse yourself before going up to the bar for a second.

“Same?” the bartender asked.

You nodded. “Do you know those guys?” You gestured back to your booth.

“They’re in here a lot, yeah.”

“Are they a bit… odd?”

“No odder than anyone else who frequents here.” The bartender gave you a knowing smile that you did not return.

You sighed, taking your drink and returning to the booth, where Vladislav sat alone. You really weren’t in the mood to be alone with Vladislav yet, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

“Where’s Viago?” You took a big swig of your drink.

He pointed to the back exit, where Viago stood with Deacon and Jackie. “He’s trying to convince Deacon to get on board with Red Square.”

“Red Square?” You perked up, figuratively and literally, sitting a bit straighter in the booth. You suddenly felt lighter. If you had t sped an evening with the guys, it would be better to spend it in a place less conducive to conversation and one more conducive to partying.

He laughed gently. It was warm and fuzzy.

God, you were a lightweight.

“I like your laugh.”

His smile pulled gently at the corner of his mustache, and you found yourself staring at the gap between his front teeth. “I think you’re a bit of a lightweight.”

“Am not,” you lied.

He didn’t fight you on it. “The Big Kumara isn’t really your vibe, clearly, so we’re going to go to a club.”

You downed the rest of your drink quickly, and chased it with your water. Vladislav exited the booth and stood beside you, offering you a hand up.

“Can you walk?”

“I’m barely buzzed!” you protested before taking his hand. Looking up to his face, you realized he was joking. Teasing you. “Oh, ha ha, very funny.”

When you reached the exit, Jackie had left and Viago and Deacon were waiting for you. “Red Square?” Viago asked.

You nodded too eagerly. Perhaps you were a little bit tipsy.

Red Square was a few blocks away, but you were in fact a lightweight, and your buzz was turning you into quite the chatterbox.

“Jackie seems nice.”

Deacon nodded. “She’s okay.”

“I like her hair.”

You caught Vladislav’s smirk from behind his hair. “You think I’m funny,” you accused him.

“Sometimes.”

“Red Square!” You picked up speed as you saw the club.

“Five dollar cover,” the bouncer said.

“I got it.” You offered partly out of an effort to be friendly, and partly out of laziness, as the only cash you had on you was a twenty dollar bill.

You forged ahead into the loud, dark atmosphere as your flatmates all paused at the door. “What are you guys waiting for? Come in!”

As if suddenly convinced, the three entered the club.

“This place is amazing!” Viago yelled over the music.

“You’ve never been here?”

He shook his head.

“You’ll love it!”

Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav spoke among themselves before heading towards the dance floor. You made your way to the bar, grabbing a barstool that was luckily open, and ordering a drink. You scanned the room for your friends. It was hard to see through the crowd, though, and you couldn’t quite find them.

“Hey, gorgeous.” You turned to see someone new in the seat beside you. He was very attractive. Dark curls and stunning brown eyes, with a blindingly white smile. “Can I buy you a drink?”

As if on cue, the bartender returned with your order. “Sorry,” you told him.

He didn’t seem very bothered. “What brings a girl like you here all by herself?”

This guys was 0 for 10 on originality, but you smiled in spite of yourself. Whether due to him or the nice buzz you had going on, you weren’t sure.

“I’m actually here with my flatmates.” You gestured vaguely at the dance floor. “Y/N.” You introduced yourself.

“James.” You politely shook his hand, but felt a bit silly doing so. “I’m going to order a pretzel. Want in?”

“Heck yeah.”

After a fair bit of small talk, one pretzel, and the rest of your drink, James leaned close and whispered in your ear. It was nice, intimate. But maybe too intimate? “How about I buy you that drink now?”

“No thanks. I should probably get back to my friends.” You liked James. He was friendly and attractive, and very clearly into you. But he was getting hot and heavy a little too fast, and that really wasn’t what you were here for. In fact, you were beginning to feel a bit guilty for spending the evening away from the guys, since that was the whole point of Viago inviting you along.

“Come on,” he whispered, hand moving up your thigh.

You grabbed his hand and thrust it away. “I should find my friends.”

His hand moved to your upper arm, gripping just too tightly. “Don’t be such a bitch.”

“Hey!” You looked from James over to the bartender, who was too busy at the other end of the bar to notice what was going on.

“Is this guy bothering you?” You felt a wave of relief wash over you at Deacon’s familiar voice above you and his cool hand on your shoulder.

“Who the hell are-“ James paled as he looked up at Deacon, before almost falling off of his stool in his attempt to get away.

You looked over your shoulder, but Deacon seemed normal to you. “What did you-“

“Are you okay?” Deacon asked as he took James’ seat.

“Yeah. Thank you.” You ordered another drink from the passing bartender.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” You rubbed your arm absentmindedly. “I’m glad you were here, though. Where are the other guys?” you asked.

“I’m not sure.”

You scoured the club and briefly spotted Vladislav in a small booth with two women. Two, really? You couldn’t find Viago on the dance floor or in a booth.

“Viago told me what happened with you and Vladislav the other day.”

What?

“What?”

He repeated himself. “Viago told me what happened-“

“Nothing happened!” You were quick to defend yourself.

“I know, I know. I just wanted to explain why Viago said what he said.”

You didn’t love that they had been talking about you.

“It wasn’t about you at all. Once we found out our new flatmate was a woman, before me or Vlad even saw you, we made a blanket statement that no one would hit on you. Just as general precaution to avoid trouble.”

Hit on you or murder you, you guessed.

“There was a bit of a special emphasis placed on Vlad, but that still wasn’t about you. It’s just because he’s a bit of a, uh, ladies’ man, I guess. And knowing Vlad’s history, like Viago and I do, Viago just leapt to the wrong conclusion. It was about Vladislav, not you.”

You nodded, looking back to where Vladislav sat with two women. A ladies’ man. You could see that, you supposed. He wasn’t conventionally attractive, really, but he wasn’t unappealing. And there was something about him. A magnetism of some sort. You could see why women were drawn to him.

You thought about his laugh.

“I just figured Viago and Vladislav wouldn’t say anything about it to you.”

You downed almost your entire drink in one go. “Thanks.”

Deacon nodded.

“You know doing erotic dances for your friends is weird, right?”

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #vladislav #vladislav x reader #jemaine clement #another life #al fic #drunk tag

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ckret2 · 4 years

Text

Okay so I got an ask like,

anonymous asked: whose ur favorite Hazbin character? Like your absolute #1 and why?

and technically my answer is Alastor, but Sir Pent is such a close second that I gave my reasons for him too in that ask, and now I’m making a second post about Alastor.

Reasons I really like Alastor but like, only slightly more than Sir Pent:

- Honestly “I can suck ya dick” *IMMEDIATE BRAIN BREAK FACE* is probably the moment I, like, mentally latched on to Alastor’s character, and at that point I don’t think I even knew yet that the creator had said he was ace. It just... I could feel the aceness in my soul. Like that thing where Jedi run into somebody and go “oh you’re strong in the Force, I can tell.” That was just such a perfect and succinct ace joke, and by that I mean like it feels like a joke from an ace perspective. Like it was so relatable.

- tbh half my reasons for liking Alastor are “oh that’s relatable,” which is hilarious, because like... I don’t like characters because I relate to them, ever, but because I think they’re interesting in their strange/different ways. Alastor is the sole exception I can think of where half the reasons I like him is because I look at him and go “oh big mood.” Other ace or aro characters I’ve seen in the past just make me go “oh... okay. cool. nice, representation for me” and then I don’t really care about them. Alastor, though, the SECOND I learned he was ace, something in my brain went “FUCK YES. ONE OF OURS.” I immediately sat down and started writing a character study fic about Alastor being ace/aro in the exact same precise way that I’m ace/aro, and that was even before we got confirmation that he was aro. I was ready to go all in on him anyway.

- Half the reason I like his ace/aro-ness when I don’t care about it as much on other characters is because like... usually, when you get an ace/aro character, it goes one of two ways:

1) their entire character is built around/“in tune with” their ace/aro-ness, in a way. Most obvious when you have the stereotypical “robot/alien that cannot love,” but also seen in “character that is naive and pure and innocent and lustless,” “character that acts like an actual literal child,” “character that acts like a bad autism cliche,” “character that’s too cold or cruel or emotionless to feel love,” etc. And that’s boring, when they’re only ace/aro because the writer cannot imagine a character Like That being any other way, or because the writer cannot imagine an ace/aro being Any Other Way.

Or, 2) they’re written as “too normal,” as in, like, NOTHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY or life experiences or anything seems shaped AT ALL by the fact that they do not share an internal sense of lust and/or romance that most of the rest of the human species not only has, but also is obsessed with.

And Alastor falls in neither camp. He’s gregarious and talkative and puts on little performances wherever he goes, and he obnoxiously butts in on somebody else’s group project by begging for an opportunity to help out and then obnoxiously volunteers his friends who hate him to help with the group project, and he’s manipulative and dangerous and secretive and violent, and he hides his emotions and he disguises when he’s feeling weak... and also the quickest way to throw him off his game is to make a sexual pass at him because he’s blindsided so hard by it that it’s like for a moment there he forgot that sex exists.

And that’s what I want to see. A character whose personality isn’t based on/tied into his ace/aro-ness, BUT we can clearly see his character IS INFLUENCED by the fact that he views the world through a completely different lens from everyone else.

I can imagine that Alastor had to puzzle through What Is Love/What Is Desire, purely on a psychological “what’s going on inside other people’s heads?” level, as an outside observer incapable of participating it and trying to understand it based on anecdotes and fictionalized accounts and descriptions and conversations, comparing it to the emotions inside his own head and trying to go “so it’s kind of like this feeling plus that one and those, but More, and Different, and in that Other Direction.” I can imagine that as a kid Alastor “decided” to have crushes because he knew it was about that time it should be starting, and it hadn’t happened by then, so maybe what he needs to do is pick whoever he thinks is best-looking and get going with the crushing on them, right? I can imagine that Alastor spent his teen years waiting for his desires to “turn on” the way they did for everyone else, and being slightly puzzled when they took so long, but also okay with it because the more he thought about it the more it seemed like it was probably a nuisance—no one around him was someone he’d like to be attracted to—so he was fine with the fact it was taking so long, and he sort of assumed that it wasn’t because he didn’t have the capacity for desire but because none of his peers were desirable to him. I can imagine that he had his first kiss at like fifteen and thought it was horrible and gagged on it, and within an hour decided this was absolutely hilarious.

I can imagine Alastor having all these experiences—which are experiences I had. I’ve never seen another ace/aro character I can easily and naturally imagine having a single experience in common with me. Because no other ace/aro characters feel to me like ace/aro characters. They’re either characters with an ace/aro sticker arbitrarily and meaninglessly slapped on them, or they’re a walking stereotype about lovelessness.

- Besides Alastor’s spectacular Asexuelle Panique™ face, the other single line that made me latch onto him was “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” There are some very specific character types that I’m an absolute sucker for, and one of them is: extremely powerful character, at the top of their game, unstoppable and uncontrollable and unmatched, a loner who likes it that way, BUT they’re bored as hell, either because they’ve met all their goals or because they don’t know how to set any—and the boredom is eating them up inside, it’s driving them slowly mad, the sheer tedium of trying to fill one day after another with nothing to do is weighing down on them, if depression is usually compared to a heavy rain then this depression is like an endless empty waiting room, or depression like solitary confinement, or depression like an unmoving sun shining on an infinite flat desert, the depression of a completely empty hollow life leveled flat by infinite interminable boredom, a boredom they would do ANYTHING to get rid of, a boredom that’s like a withdrawal, a boredom that makes your hands shake and your pulse quicken with desperate need for the drug to stave off the withdrawal symptoms, but god, you don’t even know what the drug IS, you just know you NEED it, some form of stimulation, ANY stimulation, you’re going mad in this empty desert with your hands trembling and the withdrawal clouding your mind—

Have I mentioned that I have ADHD? Did you know that untreated ADHD can result in depression specifically due to chronic mental understimulation? I keep telling myself “bruh, don’t headcanon Alastor as having ADHD, you don’t even headcanon that he has any other traits that line up with ADHD symptoms,” but like. That one line. “Sheer! Absolute! Boredom!” I felt that in my very bones. There is desperation in that man. There is desperation in him that speaks to me like nothing else does. Like to the point that if it turns out that Alastor secretly DOES have a secret evil manipulative scheme going on I’m going to be annoyed/disappointed specifically because his driving motive isn’t boredom, lmao.

Anyway I feel for characters like that. I like to explore that desperate despairing boredom. I like to force them through that understimulation withdrawal, drive them to do stupid wild desperate things to try to get the stimulation they need. And then, when I’m feeling nice, I like to help them find a cure. Usually I imagine the cure is “dude, you’re such a loner that you’ve cut yourself off from the rest of the human race, you have NO human connections, even when you’re technically interacting with other people you’re still completely emotionally isolated inside your own shell. Make some goddamn friends and start to care about other people and their lives and you’ll find that the act of having other people exist in your world who matter to you will give you that stimulation you’re desperately missing.” Because these desperately bored characters are also desperately emotionally isolated. And they might be happy/content in their isolation—but they’re not doing anything to cure their own understimulation like that.

(“Hey OP is that how you cured your understimulation?” nah I got ADHD meds.)

- Remember everything that I just said about how much I love that Alastor is aro? Well forget everything I just said. Chuck it out the window. Bye.

So every once in a while I find a character that, for whatever reason, I really, really, really want to see pining. I want them to be in love, and I want it to be unrequited, and I want it to go on for years. I want them sobbing in private and then hiding it completely when they face anyone else. I want them to hurt so bad they feel like they can’t breathe. I want them unable to think about anything but their beloved. I want it festering inside them like an infected wound. I want it to hurt. Forever.

(“Hey OP do you uh, do you ever, yknow, want them to get their loved one?” yeah sure whatever)

For some reason, Alastor is one of those characters. Why? I dunno. I haven’t figured out my mental pattern on these ones yet. Maybe it’s specifically because it’s so incongruous with his outward appearance/and attitude. Maybe it’s because he’d do a really really good job at hiding it, but also I think he’s probably kind of a mess inside under his mask, and I think adding unrequited desire under that mask would mess him up anymore in really spectacular ways. Like a china cabinet that shifted in an earthquake so that if you open all the doors all the plates will fall out and break, except they’re already all broken inside of the china cabinet, but he’s in denial about that as long as he doesn’t open the door. I dunno, I’m speculating.

- On that note: I feel like he’s probably, like, hypercompetent and super powerful and super successful on the outside, but actually he’s a sort of screwed up dork who’s got no idea what he’s doing. (I present the furby organ as supporting evidence.) I like extremely powerful deeply feared dorks, ESPECIALLY when they have no idea what they’re doing.

- Also, affable villains. Totally friendly/sociable and totally evil.

- I dig his weird radio schtick. Like, Radio Stuff isn’t a thing I specifically like about characters, but on him I think it’s cool. Character gimmicks that can go a lot of ways and that you can do a lot of stuff with in character development are fun.

I think that covers all the important bases.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #meta #anonymous #ask

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simptasia · 4 years

Text

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”. just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot. (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

#and as you can see this is 98% accurate #this is mostly just a summary of these people pfffttt #interjected with memes and orientation headcanons #i haven't made many jokes about sayid or sun or jin or michael #i haven't found them very dunkable #it's not like im avoiding them either #i just work with whatever joke sparks with me #anyways holy SHIT i make so many different kinds of jokes about charlie #you can tell the ones i favour making jokes about from this huh

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fallingin-like · 5 years

Text

november 30

one way or the other (or maybe neither) by @nakasomethingkun [requested by @foxsoulcourt and @sig66]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is an absolutely amazing exploration of neil’s sexuality and what it means within the context of his and andrew’s relationship. with the best description of demisexuality i have found in a fic, everybody needs to read this immediately.

i loved this so much, not just because i’m a fan of everything you write, but because how you portrayed neil in this. so much of what you wrote is something that i can relate to and i think that’s so significant because there is so little acespec representation out there.

parts that really stuck with me:

”neil had kept mum, and when he had been asked about his opinions, he had shrugged and said, ‘they’re both pretty good-looking, i guess.’” oh, this is a big mood

”the thing is, being called gay doesn’t bother him at all, it’s just - he doesn’t think it’s something that fits him correctly” !!!

”but his sexuality hasn’t been a concern for him” i think this is interesting, mostly because i wonder if it’s like this for a lot of people who identify as acespec. i definitely felt this way, always assuming that i would understand ‘when i get older’ and then just continuing to believe that eventually i would feel like that.

”the blow of his mother’s hands and the sting of her words had pummeled any sense of curiosity out of him, but he doesn’t think she extinguished his sexual desire. he thinks that he never had any in the first place” YES! YES! EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ THIS SENTENCES. this is so wonderful for so many reasons. it shows that his demisexuality isn’t one of the ways that his mother ‘broke him’. it demonstrates that sexuality is something intrinsic to somebody, not something that can be shaped and changed if someone tries hard enough. yes, you can ignore it or act against it, but it doesn’t change how you feel.

”the thing is, even with andrew, neil hadn’t initially thought about it in a sexual way” yeah

”and then he had realized how beautiful andrew is” this is so soft!!!

”the thing is, he can objectively tell who is pretty and who is good looking… he had a good long look at matt and nicky and a few other boys, just to see if he felt any semblance of attraction to them. he didn’t, and he still doesn’t. girls, too, he supposes, are nice to look at, but he doesn’t ever think about doing anything romantic or sexual with any of them” okay, sorry for copying basically the whole paragraph, but this is so perfect. to me, it feels like you’re really validating neil’s sexuality

”a metal tab bounces off his cheek” LOL I LOVE IT WHEN ANDREW DEMANDS NEIL’S ATTENTION

”he’s had enough of assuming a different identity and playing a fictional character, thank you very much” ohmygoodness NEIL

”andrew burrows his feet further under neil’s thighs, trying to leech off more warmth” THIS IS THE CUTEST SENTENCE THAT HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN (also this is me in the winter anytime i sit next to someone)

”he’s still watching neil, slurping on his beer loudly, probably on purpose, because it gets neil to meet his gaze and arch an eyebrow in question” andrew likes to pretend he doesn’t care about things, but in reality, he’s so so curious and i love that neil is able to see past that haha

”neil counts it as a win; andrew can usually hold out in silence for much, much longer” andrew really cares about neil and it shows! he’s not as hesitant to hold back and expresses his opinion more often with him

”neil would have been able to keep calm if not for how andrew presses neil’s hand flat against his chest and lets go; a sign of trust. neil’s mind goes into overdrive” neil, straddling andrew: super calm, neil, being shown a sign of trust: spontaneously combusts from all the feelings

”this has become slower, much gentler - gentler than two people with so many jagged edges are supposed to be capable of” oh, this is so wonderful. i love the wording that you used

”but andrew’s heart beats steadily beneath neil’s palm, thud thud thud, and neil understands this, even if he doesn’t quite understand labels and sexual orientations and the concept of being attracted to other people” YES THIS IS WONDERFUL

”neil must have been quiet for too long, because he sees the bob of andrew’s throat as he swallows, hard, his jaw stiff” oh

”this, too, is something neil thinks about, how andrew lets him see these little shifts in his expressions, rare and almost undetectable as they are” aghhh seeing the growth in these boys? i feel like a proud mother

”suddenly curious and anxious” neil ;-;

“andrew admits, voice sedate” something about the words that you choose really guides me in how i read this sentence, i can better understand what is saying through his tone

”andrew himself isn’t unaffected; while his face remains unmoved, his hands are clenching and unclenching at neil’s sides” i don’t know, i just love it when we see andrew outwardly react to things. it’s so rare

“it’s one thing for neil to acknowledge how attuned he is to andrew and another for andrew to point it out” i love this sentence, and really the whole content of this conversation. neil is bringing up his insecurities and andrew is affirming him. saying that he believes him when so many people have denied him that. it means so much and i’m grateful for a fic that really takes the time to fully flush this out. i think that a lot of other fics ignore or only mention demiseuality in passing and that’s understandable (sometimes it’s not relevant to the plot to do more than acknowledge it and sometimes people just don’t know about the ace spectrum) but it’s so important to have this representation because there is a canonically demi character in the series!! that’s so huge

”andrew’s hand returns to his cheek, and he meets andrew’s eyes, moored” i love the word moored (or unmoored).

”the thing is, even though he likes the physical aspect of their relationship, there are times when he doesn’t like the heat tugging at the bottom of his belly, the manifestation of desire” this isn’t what my own experience is like, but it’s so interesting to see how other people feel, what kinds of experiences they have and i think this kind of knowledge is really valuable in understanding how people work and what motivates them

”if there is one thing about his mouth that he appreciates, aside from granting him the ability to verbally eviscerate his enemies” NEIL OH MY GOODNESS

”on the days that andrew can’t stand to be touched, neil is content to simply sit next to him” i feel like i’ve read things like this before, but i’ve never appreciated fully how neil’s sexuality complements andrew’s touch aversion in a way that shifts the dynamics of their relationship. andrew is allowed to be the one to initiate everything and that’s so so important to him

”i don’t understand how somebody could look at another person and say they’re hot, or that they would like to sleep with them if given the chance. it just doesn’t work that way for me” i do not think that i have ever fully related to a paragraph more than i relate to this one.

”there is a flicker in andrew’s expression, a water ripple” this is a beautiful sentence

”andrew empties out a shuddering breath. ‘it is the same for me,’ he says, so very quietly, like he is afraid… ‘i would not have done this with anybody else.’” I LOVE THIS. love the wording you used and the lack of contractions for andrew’s dialogue, it feels more impactful and changes the way that i read it. and i am so so invested in the idea of andrew being on the aro/ace spectrum, thank you for bringing this up!! (i personally think he might be demi-romantic, i can’t imagine him being able to easily form a relationship with anyone else given his intensity and his reluctance/difficulties trusting)... what are your thoughts?

having this fic review as my last one for this month feels really fitting to me. you’re definitely one of my favourite authors and i really enjoy everything that you write. in addition, you’re so so lovely and kind and sweet that i am so glad to have the chance to appreciate your writing.

this fic is intensely personal, for the characters, for you, and for me as a reader. there is so much still for me to learn, but to read this and see myself in the text, to realise that there are other people who feel the same way as i do about this topic? i can’t come close to describing how important it is, how it makes me feel. the book series is really close to my heart for many reasons, but a big one is because it introduced me to asexuality, and based on the interactions i’ve had, it has attracted many others like me. this fic is so special for me because it really articulates and clarifies neil’s sexuality in a way that the series didn’t. the insight that you provide is something i think everyone should be exposed to. it might make people more understanding and compassionate. there was a part that reminded me of something i read on aven that says “[demisexuality] is often mistaken as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation” and i think you did such a good job explaining this in this fic.

as with all of your writing, i love your characterization, the way that you have the characters move, speak, and interact. the descriptions that you use are beautiful. i think one of my favourite things about the way that you write is that every sentence has purpose. it’s all there to do something, whether it be describing the environment, setting the tone and atmosphere, displaying characters attitudes, personalities, and behaviours, or moving the plot along. i am definitely guilty of skim-reading a lot and come across a lot of content that contains what i consider to be superfluous sentences/words. but with your writing, i am always careful that i don’t miss a thing. there are so many little details that you include that add to the overall feeling that i experience while reading, but they’re not noticeable if you aren’t looking for them. i think that takes a lot of talent, but more importantly, a lot of skill. when you are able to produce writing that comes across as effortless, but you can’t quite pinpoint why? that’s something that i think is really special. anyway, thank you so much for writing this fic!!!

#one way or the other (or maybe neither)#aftg fic review #raelle writes

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localspacelesbian · 5 years

Text

“I’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant”

or Jonah does some long awaited introspection, realizes he’s aro, and also isn’t as oblivious as people think he is. there’s also some post-costume day tyrus drama, platonic wonah and juffy, and bowie being the queer mentor we all deserve. (also mild swearing)

word count: 9580

“Jonah, I’m a lesbian.”

“I thought you were American.”

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say when when your girlfriend comes out to you, but at least it had made Amber laugh. And then they had sat down and talked about it, and he had reassured her that of course they could still be friends. That was yesterday, and now it was a Saturday, and Jonah was spending his morning alone in bed with his thoughts. He felt like the fact that Amber had just broken up with him should upset him more than it did. Honestly, he felt more relieved than anything. Of course he was happy for her for coming out to him. But he still felt like he should be upset about being dumped. Looking back, he hadn’t been that upset when Libby had broken up with him either. He was more upset about the idea of being single than about not being with her in particular. He was pretty sure he had been upset when Andi dumped him, right? At least the first time, at Cyrus’s bar mitzvah. The second time, when he had gotten back from camp, he had also been relieved then; they definitely worked better as friends. People were usually upset about getting dumped, right? After all, he had liked Amber and Libby and Andi, right? He liked being with them. They were cute and nice and made him happy. But they were still all of those things when they were just friends. The idea of being single though-

He stopped that train of thought before it could go any farther. He needed to get out of his house and do something. He didn’t want to talk to the good hair crew, though; they would know something was wrong and ask too many questions. Hanging out with Libby or Amber would probably be weird. He thought about TJ; after all, they had recently started to become friends again, but then he remembered that he and Cyrus were still not talking because of costume day, and he didn’t want to get caught up in that drama. Who else was he friends with? There was Gus and the other people from his frisbee team, but the weather wasn’t really good for frisbee today, and he wasn’t really in the mood to be the one to carry all of the conversations, which was what usually happened when they hung out and tried to do anything other than play frisbee.

Oh. There was Walker. He was cool. Jonah hadn’t seen him since he and Buffy broke up, and he kind of missed hanging out with him. They had never hung out alone though. Would that be weird? Nah, he was pretty sure Walker was incapable of being awkward. He decided to text him, and surprisingly, he responded pretty quickly. Apparently, he didn’t have any plans that day either and was also pretty bored, so they decided to meet up at the mall.

When he got there, Walker was already there waiting for him, just outside the main entrance. “Hey man, what’s up,” Walker said as they bro hugged. Walker put his arm around Jonah as they walked inside, and Jonah’s brain short-circuited for a brief second. “Uh not much. So what’s the plan, fam?” Jonah hoped Walker wasn’t planning on actually buying anything because… well yeah.

“I don’t know. I thought we’d just walk around, chill, maybe try on some clothes we can’t afford. Although if we go to the art store, we have to go there last because I will try to buy everything, and you will have to stop me.” Walker looked at Jonah, smiling.

Jonah smiled back and nodded, and the two kept walking. They wandered through a bunch of stores, looking at stuff, and sometimes trying things on and taking ridiculous pictures, but neither of them bought anything.

Eventually, they stopped and got frozen yogurt, which Walker insisted on paying for. For a brief second, Jonah panicked that he somehow knew about his financial troubles, but then reminded himself that Walker was just nice like that.

“So… why did you text me earlier?” Walker looked at Jonah with curiosity as he finally asked the question Jonah had been trying to avoid all day.

“I told you. I was bored.” Jonah was looking down at his frozen yogurt.

“And Andi, Buffy, Cyrus, and your girlfriend were all busy?”

“Actually, Amber and I broke up.”

“Wait. I thought your girlfriend’s name was Libby?”

Jonah looked up at Walker, who looked confused. Had it really been that long since he had talked to Walker? Or were his relationships just that short? Probably both. “Oh yeah… uh Libby broke up with me not too long after Buffy broke up with you, and then I started dating Amber. Again. And then she dumped me last night.” “Wow. that’s. A lot. So is that why you’re upset then?”

“I’m not upset. What makes you think I’m upset?” “Dude, you’re staring at your frozen yogurt like it ran over your dog.”

Jonah frowned at that. “Ok so maybe today’s been a weird day, but I’m not actually upset about Amber. I know I should be, but I’m not. I’m starting to think maybe I’m not more upset because I never even liked her like that in the first place. Maybe I don’t even like…” He stopped himself before he said the thing that’s been too afraid to put into words. Because if he says it, then it will become real.

But of course Walker said it for him. “Girls?” Jonah just nodded, still not looking at Walker. “So, you think you might be gay? You know that’s ok, right? There’s nothing wrong being gay.”

Jonah nodded again. Of course he knew it was ok to be gay; he just never thought he was, and somehow that felt different. “I don’t know man. I don’t think I’ve liked boys either, but maybe I just didn’t think about because I never realized it was an option until…” until Cyrus came out to him. Of course he couldn’t say that out loud, but before that moment, the concept of gayness had seemed so abstract, and he had never really thought about it.

Luckily, Walker seemed to get it because he just nodded. “Hey man, it’s ok to not know. You have plenty of time to figure it out. Now come on, we have less than an hour before my mom comes to pick us up, and I haven’t even made any regrettable art-related purchases yet.”

Jonah smiled as they stood up and threw away their trash. “Thank you.” He hoped that somehow Walker got that he wasn’t just thanking him for the frozen yogurt.

Walker just smiled at him and put his arm around him again as they walked towards the art store. This time, the physical contact didn’t surprise him so much, and it felt comforting.

Walker looked so happy and excited looking at all of the art supplies that Jonah almost forgot that he was supposed to being reminding Walker not to buy too much. They were in the checkout line when Walker’s mom texted him to tell him she was there. Jonah looked at his own phone to check the time and saw that he had a text from one of his cousins saying that they were just having leftovers that night for supper. He tried to think of what leftovers there were in the house, and he was pretty sure there wasn’t much. He hadn’t liked supper the night before very much. Normally when this happened, he would just go to the Kippens’ house for supper, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t an option anymore. At least not for a while.

“Hey Walker, I don’t really want to go home yet. Do you want to keep hanging out?” This wasn’t really a lie. He was having a good time and didn’t want to leave yet.

“Yeah man, that sounds fun. I’ll ask my mom.” They found his mom’s car, and, after introducing them to each other as they got in, Walker asked her if Jonah could come over, and she said yes.

He was worried that things would be awkward since he had never met Walker’s parents before, but all through the car ride and throughout dinner, there was never a silent moment. They were both really sweet and asked him questions about himself and about their day, but nothing too personal came up. He decided he liked them.

After they ate, he and Walker went into Walker’s room and pulled up Netflix on his laptop. They found some cheesy kids movie and sat kind of squished together. Now that he was sitting in a comfortable bed, Jonah realized how tired he was and how much he had done that day. He did not make it very far into the movie.

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was that his neck was uncomfortable. And there was a person next to him? He was not in his own bed or his own room. He remembered what had happened the night before as he looked around. There was a blanket covering him and Walker that he was pretty sure hadn’t been there the night before. Walker’s laptop had been moved to his desk and was closed. Also, both of their phones were on the bedside table, plugged in. He grabbed his, unplugging it, and checked the time. 10:57. The only notifications were a few messages in the good hair crew group chat (including one that mentioned him) that he decided to look at later and a text from his mom asking where he was, which he responded to quickly. He felt Walker move behind him and turned to see that he was awake too. He also looked around in confusion for a second before looking at Jonah and smiling. Beautiful was the first word that came to mind. Where the fuck had that thought come from? He wasn’t sure if his brain meant it in the crush kind of way or in a completely platonic, aesthetically-pleasing kind of way, but he decided to deal with that later.

Walker pointed at his phone, so Jonah unplugged it and handed it to him. Walker was checking his phone, so Jonah decided to check the ghc group chat for something to do. There were some messages about meeting up at the Spoon from the day before and a few memes and then:

Andiman: Hey @JonahBeck Amber told us you guys broke up are you doing alright?

CyGuy: It’s okay if you want to be alone, but you know you can talk to us, right?

Slayer: Let us know if you need anything

These were followed by several heart emojis from each of them. God, his friends were so much nicer than he deserved.

JonahBeck: yeah im fine i don’t really want to talk about it right now but i love you guys 💗

CyGuy: We love you too JB 💗

Slayer: 💗💗💗

Andiman: 💗💗💗

Andiman: do you want to hang out today?

JonahBeck: nah im busy today but ill see yall at school tomorrow?

CyGuy: ok let us know if you change your mind 💗

Slayer: See you tomorrow Jonah

“Hey man you ok?”

Jonah looked up from his phone to see Walker looking at him. “Yeah, just texting my friends y’know.” He held up his phone to show him. “Apparently Amber told them, so they’re worried.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, man.”

“Eh it’s fine. I guess I should probably get going soon before my parents get too worried.”

But then Walker asked him to at least stay for lunch, and Jonah wasn’t one to turn down free food, so that’s how Jonah found himself, about fifteen minutes later, enjoying another meal with Walker and his parents. After they ate, he went with Walker’s mom out to her car. As he walked out the door, he turned back to wave at him. He heard Amber’s voice in his head saying ‘if she turns to look back at you, it means she likes you’ and felt his face heating up. He was grateful to Walker’s mom for being so talkative because he did not want to think about his feelings yet.

When she dropped him off, he immediately went to his room. He thought about texting Cyrus. He knew he’d understand, but he didn’t think he wanted him to know yet. He thought about Amber, but he thought it was probably too soon to talk to her, even though he knew they both still wanted to be friends. Eventually, he settled on just googling “How do you know if you’re gay?” and then “How do you know if you have a crush?” This, of course, led him down a rabbit hole that resulted in as many questions as answers. Eventually, somehow, he stumbled across the word asexual, and then from there, aromantic. There are people who just don’t date? Like, that’s an option? To say that he was shook would be an understatement. He read as much as he could find, and eventually, after saying “same” or “mood” to himself after almost every sentence he read, he decided that this has to be it, right? As he was thinking about how he had felt in his past relationships, he remembered something Buffy had told him after Cyrus had come out to him.

It was the day after the Shiva, and Jonah and Buffy were hanging out at her house playing video games because Cyrus was obviously still busy with his family and Andi was busy with wedding planning. After a particularly brutal defeat, he turned to Buffy to ask her something he had been thinking about since Cyrus had come out, but he didn’t know how to say.

“Hey Buffy, can I ask you something about Cyrus? I’d ask him, but I don’t know if it’s rude or not.” “Sure. Go ahead.”

“So… he had a girlfriend, right? I didn’t imagine that? But he’s gay?”

Buffy snorted. “That’s not really a question, but yeah, he dated Iris. I guess that’s kind of how he figured it out. At least the part about not liking girls. After they kissed for the second time, I asked him how it felt, and he said, and I quote, ‘I’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant.’ Don’t tell him I told you about that.”

Jonah smiled and nodded. Yeah that seemed like something Cyrus would say. They went back to their game, with Jonah losing spectacularly and not particularly caring.

“I’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant.”

Jonah smiled at the memory. What a Cyrus thing to say. And, looking back on it, pretty relatable. He thought about the times he had kissed Amber, Andi, and Libby. They were all pretty uncomfortable. He had thought at first that it was just because it was new and he didn’t know what he was doing. It had gotten a little better over time, mostly due to Amber’s help, but he had never really enjoyed it. The day before and that morning, he had entertained the idea that maybe, like Cyrus, it was because they were girls, but, honestly, the thought of kissing a guy didn’t seem any better. He thought back to Walker that morning. He thought for a second that he might like him, but now that he was actually analyzing his feelings (and wouldn’t Cyrus be proud of him for that?), he realized that he didn’t feel any differently about Walker than he did his other friends.

He was broken out of his thoughts by his mom yelling up the stairs that it was time to eat. Had he really been sitting there staring at his phone for that long? He went downstairs to eat with his family, but his mind was still upstairs thinking about everything he had read. Someone asked him about what he had done the day before, and he answered, but for the most part, he just sat there silently, thinking. As soon as he was done eating, he tried to go back upstairs, but of course it was his turn to the dishes.

When he finally did make it back to his room, he immediately pulled out his song notebook that Andi had made him and started writing. He had already filled several pages by the time when his mom came in to remind him to go to bed.

The next day at school, Jonah carried his notebook around with him all day, continuing to write and cross out and change stuff. At lunch, he was trying to reassure Andi and Buffy that he really wasn’t upset about Amber and that they were still friends, when he noticed Cyrus looking sadly across the cafeteria. He followed his eyes and saw TJ sitting with the boys’ basketball team and Kira. “So… I take it you two are still not talking?”

Cyrus just shook his head and looked down at his food.

Buffy said, somewhat angrily, “Well it’s not like TJ’s apologized.”

Andi agreed. “I can’t believe we thought he’d changed.” Cyrus shook his head again. “I don’t know why I’m still upset. I mean I get it. He bailed on his friend to do a costume with his crush. I just wish he’d told me.”

Jonah was confused, but then it hit him that Cyrus probably thought that because that was what he himself had done. Oh… “Wait, you think TJ likes Kira?”

Cyrus looked up at him confused. “I mean yeah? Why else would he have bailed on our costume? Besides, they’ve been together pretty much constantly since then.”

“I mean at school yeah, but does TJ seem happy about that fact?” They all looked over at TJ and sure enough, everyone else was laughing at something Kira had said, but TJ just looked sad. He remembered something that had happened the other day when he was hanging out with Amber at their house, and even though he probably shouldn’t tell them, he thought that Cyrus deserved to know. (Besides, TJ hadn’t explicitly told him not to say anything.) “The other day I was hanging out with Amber at her house, and Kira showed up. When Amber said who was at the door, TJ looked scared? Almost? Amber lied and said that he wasn’t home, and then he went back to his room. According to Amber, he’s spent most of his time since costume day moping in his room.”

All three of the good hair crew were looking at him in shock. Buffy was the first to recover. “Wait wait back up. Why was TJ there? I thought you were at Amber’s house?”

Cyrus almost smiled for second. “They’re literally siblings.”

Andi looked confused. “Wait what? How? How do you know that?”

Buffy was almost more angry than confused. “And why didn’t you tell us?”

“I’ve been to their house? Also, they have the same last name? I thought you knew.”

A look of realization dawned on Andi. “How did I just realize that I never knew Amber’s last name?” Everyone else just shrugged.

Buffy glared at Cyrus for a second and then shook her head. “Ok. You know what? We’re going to deal with that later.” She turned back to Jonah. “Anyway, just because TJ doesn’t like Kira and feels kind of bad, doesn’t excuse what he did. Actually, I think it makes it worse. I mean, if he really feels bad, why hasn’t he apologized?”

Jonah just shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t know how? Or he’s scared? I don’t know. Has anyone tried talking to him?” They all shook their heads, and Jonah made a decision (which may or may not have anything to do with him not wanting to think about his own problems anymore). He stood up from the table.

“What are you doing?” Andi asked. “I’m going to go talk to TJ.”

Buffy did not look very happy about that answer. “Why?” “Why not?” He walked away then, ignoring any further questions from them.

He walked over to TJ’s table, which immediately went silent as they all noticed him.

“Who are you?” Kira asked in an annoyed voice.

Jonah ignored her and turned to TJ. “Can I talk to about something? Alone?”

TJ looked around for a second at his teammates and then Kira and then over at Cyrus, Buffy, and Andi, who were all staring at them. Then, he nodded at got up. The two walked out of the cafeteria and into an empty hallway. “So… what do you want to talk about?”

“Um…” Jonah realized that he didn’t actually have a plan for how to approach this.

Before Jonah could say anything, TJ spoke. “Look if you’re here to yell at me, Buffy already did that, and there’s nothing either of you could say that I haven’t already said to myself.”

Wait, when did Buffy yell at TJ, and why didn’t he know about it? Jonah made a mental note to ask her about that later. “I’m not here to yell at you. That’s not really my thing. And I know you have a reason for what you did, even if I don’t know what that reason is. Cyrus thinks you did it because you like Kira, but I’m pretty sure he’s wrong about that. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I do think you should talk to Cyrus. I know he would understand.”

“Does he hate me?” TJ had the same look on his face that Cyrus had had earlier when they were talking about TJ, and god, that killed him.

Jonah’s face softened. “TJ, I don’t think it’s possible for Cyrus to hate you. He’s just upset and confused. And honestly, I’m confused too. Wasn’t the costume your idea? Amber said you were really excited about it. And then you didn’t even tell Cyrus that you changed your mind?”

TJ sighed and sat down on the floor with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest.

Jonah sat next to him, their shoulders not quite touching. “Look, I know it wasn’t that long ago that we started talking again, and we aren’t that close, but there was a time when we were. And you have to know I would never judge you for anything.”

TJ looked up at him and then glanced around the hallway before looking back down at his lap. “I’m gay.” He said it so quietly, Jonah almost didn’t here him. “Oh. Ok.” TJ looked up at him, and whatever he saw in Jonah’s face must have been good because he suddenly looked relieved and almost smiled. Jonah tried to smile back. “So, who else knows? Just to make sure I don’t like accidentally out you or anything.”

“Oh. Uh. Just Amber. I told her yesterday after she uh told me why you guys broke up. Oh and Kira. I didn’t tell her though. She uh found out.” “Oh? Ohhh…” Something clicked into place in Jonah’s mind. “Wait, is that how she got you to do the costume with her?” Jonah had never wanted to be wrong so badly, and when TJ just nodded, he was filled with so much anger and a strong desire to protect his friends. For a second, he pictured himself walking back into the cafeteria and giving Kira a piece of his mind, but he knew he would never actually do that. “What a bitch.”

TJ snorted. “Yeah… And now she’s trying to get on the team, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just so scared that she’ll tell people. What if I get kicked off the team? And, god, I have no idea what my parents would say, and that terrifies me. Like I want to believe that they’d be supportive, but I just honestly have no idea. And Cyrus… Even if he somehow forgives me, how can we go back to being friends like we were before when I’m too scared to even touch him because it might seem too gay? Like, I could handle my teammates being assholes, but never being able to hug Cyrus again?” TJ took a deep breath and leaned his head back against the wall. Jonah was not expecting that. He pretended not to notice how close TJ was to tears. It took him a second to think about how to respond, and he spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “Look, I don’t know about other students or your parents, but I do know Cyrus. He would never judge you for being gay, and he would definitely not let you get away with not hugging him.” TJ gave a little half-smile at that, which Jonah took as a good sign. “Like, you know Cyrus is pretty physically affectionate with all of his friends, right? Like, it took some getting used to for me, but at this point if he went too long without hugging any of his friends, I would definitely assume something was wrong. I don’t think anybody who knows Cyrus at all would think anything of the two of you hugging, least of all Cyrus himself.” Jonah wasn’t sure if he was saying the right things, but TJ looked less like he was about to cry at this point. “Look, you don’t have to come out to him if you’re not ready, but you should talk to him. You don’t have to tell him exactly how Kira got you to do the costume to get him to understand.”

TJ sighed. “I know you’re right. But that still doesn’t solve my other problem. What do I do about Kira?”

“Hmm… I’ll deal with Kira.”

TJ raised his eyebrow. “What are you going to do?”

“No idea. I’ll figure something out.” Jonah smiled, stood up, and held out his hand to help TJ up. “You just worry about Cyrus, ok?”

TJ still seemed skeptical, but he accepted Jonah’s hand. “Can you tell him to meet me after school? He should know where to find me.”

Jonah spent the rest of the day thinking about what he could possibly say to Kira to convince her not to out TJ. He thought about getting Buffy to threaten her, but that would require telling her, which seemed kind of counterproductive. Besides, violence was rarely the answer. He spent the afternoon switching between thinking about this and working on his song, depending on which one he wanted to procrastinate more at a given moment, and whether or not he could get away with writing in his notebook without anyone noticing. By the time the final bell rang, he hadn’t finished either.

He found Kira at the basketball court alone. She hadn’t noticed him yet, so he watched her shoot a basket, and then clapped when she made it. She turned to look at him and seemed disappointed that it was him. She picked up the ball and walked over to him. “Jonah, right? What do you want? I’m waiting for TJ.”

“Yeah, hate to break it to you, but I don’t think TJ’s coming.” She just raised an eyebrow, so he continued. “I’m actually here to talk to you about him.” She still didn’t say anything, just looked at him expectantly. He sighed. “He told me what you did. I just want to know why. Look, I don’t know you. I don’t want to assume that you’re just homophobic-”

“I’m not homophobic. I just want to play basketball.”

“You know, of all the ways to go about playing basketball, using TJ’s insecurity about his sexuality to manipulate him into doing what you want is probably the worst way I can think of.”

“Well, when you put it like that, you make me sound like a bitch.”

“Your words…” Jonah held up his hands for a second and then kept going before she could interrupt him again. “Look, I’m just saying, there are better ways to get what you want. Being mean to the two basketball captains doesn’t seem like a very effective way of getting on one of the basketball teams. I mean, how’s that working out for you? I know if you had treated my team the way you treated Buffy’s, I would have kicked you off too.”

“Wait, your team? You play a sport?”

“Yeah, the I’m captain of the Space Otters, y’know, the Ultimate Frisbee team. Never mind, it doesn’t matter. The point is, have you tried just being nice to people?’

“What has being nice ever gotten anyone?”

“I mean, friends, for one. Also, making other people happy just feels good?” Kira seemed sceptical, so he went on. “If you apologize to Buffy and her team, they might let you rejoin the team. Although, you should probably apologize to TJ too, both because it’s the right thing to do, and because when Buffy finds out what you did, she will kill you.”

Kira raised an eyebrow. “I’m not scared of Driscoll.”

“You should be. She threatened me once when I was dating Andi, and I still have nightmares about it. You really don’t want to hurt her friends.”

“Are you sure this is the only way to get on one of the basketball teams. ‘Cause honestly, I’d rather be on the boys’ team, seeing as they actually know how to play.”

“And that’s exactly the kind of thing you shouldn’t say, especially to Buffy. Look, the girls’ team is getting better since Buffy learned how to be a team player and a good captain. And if you also learn how to work well with others, you could help them get even better. But first, you have to apologize and learn how to be nicer to people. You have to earn their trust before they’re going to let you play with them.”

“I’ll… think about it.”

“Good. Oh and back to the main reason I wanted to talk to you. You aren’t going to, y’know, tell anyone about TJ, right? Cause if you do, it won’t just be Buffy you’ll have to be scared of.”

“Ok, I know I’m not the nicest person, but I’m not that much of a bitch. I was never planning on actually outing him.”

“No, you just needed him to think you might.” Kira just shrugged, and Jonah sighed. Ok, focus, at least you can tell TJ that he has one less thing to worry about now. “Ok, I have to go, but please at least think about apologizing to Buffy and TJ, and if you can’t do that, at least leave them alone, ok?”

He walked away without waiting for a response, and he heard her going back to shooting hoops. He pulled out his phone to check the time and text TJ. He saw that he was late for his guitar practice and had a text from Bowie asking where he was. He quickly typed out an excuse to him, and then texted TJ.

JonahBeck: good news: kira wont out you

JonahBeck: bad news: thats literally where the bar is for her

He put his phone away and walked quickly toward the Red Rooster. When he walked in, Bowie was busy with a customer, so he just waved at him and walked directly to the back room. He had just pulled out his notebook and was looking through the song he had been working on when Bowie walked in. “Whatcha got there?”

Jonah hesitated for a second before handing the notebook over to him as he sat down across from him. He could trust Bowie, right? He tried to distract himself by tuning his guitar as Bowie read it. When he finished and he looked up, Bowie was looking at him.

When he saw that Jonah was done, he got up, walked over to the couch Jonah was sitting on, sat next to him, and hugged him. The positioning was kind of awkward, especially with the guitar still in Jonah’s lap, but it was nice. Jonah let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, moved his guitar aside, and hugged him back.

After what felt like much longer than it probably was, Bowie pulled back and put his hands on Jonah’s shoulders. “I am so proud of you, you know that right?” Jonah just nodded and smiled. “So… how long have you known? If you want to talk about it that is.”

“Since like yesterday. I came across the word aromantic online, and it was like everything made sense, you know? So I looked into it more and then wrote that.” He pointed to the notebook that was now sitting on the table in front of them.

“Wow. So am I the first person you’ve told?” Jonah just nodded. “Wow. Why uhh why me? Not that I’m like complaining or anything, I just mean, why not your friends? ”

Jonah shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean I know my friends would be cool with it, but I don’t know how to tell them? I guess that’s why I started writing that song. And I guess I just feel like I can talk to you? Like more than most adults.”

“Well, I’m happy to be your queer mentor. I didn’t have that when I was your age and figuring myself out, so it’s nice to get to be that for someone else.”

Jonah looked at him and smiled. “So uhh… what’d you think of the song?”

“I think it’s pretty good so far. Have you started working on the music yet?

“Not yet, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I have some ideas.” Jonah picked up his guitar again and started playing.

Later, after Bowie had dropped him off at home, he checked his phone and saw 7 messages from TJ and 20 from the ghc group chat. He opened TJ’s first.

TJ: I did it

TJ: Cyrus and I worked everything out

TJ: And I

TJ: I came out to him

TJ: I wasn’t going to but it just kind of happened and it went so much better than i was expecting

TJ: So uhh

TJ: Thanks for convincing me to talk to him and everything and thanks for talking to Kira for me

JonahBeck: hey im happy for you man 💙

JonahBeck: and im always here if you wanna talk or anything

The Good Hair Crew

CyGuy: So uhh….

CyGuy: TJ and I worked everything out

CyGuy: and also I came out to him

CyGuy: so yeah that happened

CyGuy: it went so much better than I was expecting

CyGuy: So we’re good now

Andiman: Wow Cy I’m so proud of you 💖💖💖

Slayer: Yeah, I’m proud of you too

Slayer: But does this mean we have to like TJ again?

CyGuy: Yes, we like TJ again

CyGuy: And I forgave him, so you can too

Slayer: Did he explain why he ditched you?

CyGuy: Yes, but I can’t tell you

CyGuy: Sorry

CyGuy: It’s just not my place to say

Slayer: Fine. You know I trust you. I just don’t like seeing you get hurt

Slayer: This is his last chance. If he hurts you again…

CyGuy: I know.

Slayer: I love you Cy 💗💗💗

CyGuy: I love you too, Buffy 💗💗💗

JonahBeck: im proud of you too cyguy

JonahBeck: 💗💛💚💙💜

CyGuy: Thank you guys

CyGuy: and Jonah, I don’t know what you said to TJ at lunch, but thank you

JonahBeck: honestly im not really sure what i said either

The next day, TJ sat with them at lunch, and both he and Cyrus seemed so much happier.

“Oh, I almost forgot. My dad wanted me to ask you if you’re going to perform this weekend at the Red Rooster. He said he forgot to ask you about it last night. And from how excited he seemed about your new song, I’m looking forward to hearing it already.”

“He told you about my new song?” oh god oh fuck they know.

Andi must have sensed the panic on his face because she reassured him, “All he said was that it was good. He didn’t say what it was about or anything.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t know. Maybe…” He thought about how just yesterday he was encouraging TJ to come out to Cyrus and how well that had gone for both of them. It would be a good way to come out to everyone at once and get it all over with… “Yeah. Ok. I’ll do it. You guys are all gonna be there right?”

“Of course.”

“You know we’d never miss it.”

“I told you, I’m a Jonah Beck super fan for life.” He almost missed the way TJ’s smile dropped at that, but then it was back. Cyrus must have missed it, but Buffy and Andi clearly didn’t because they shared a Look.

“I’ve never actually heard you sing, so I can’t wait.” Jonah smiled. When did he get such supportive friends?

The conversation moved to plans for that day after school. “Well, I have to work. Cyrus, do you want to come with me? The kids miss you.” Buffy and Andi shared that Look again.

“Yeah, that sounds fun.”

“Well, I have basketball practice. Do you two want to come watch? We can go to the Spoon after?”

“Aw man I’m gonna miss out on baby taters.”

“Don’t worry Underdog, I’ll get Amber to bring us some when she gets off work.”

Cyrus’s face brightened at that. It was so cute, like a puppy. How were those two still so oblivious to each other’s feelings?

After school, Andi and Jonah were sitting in the bleachers of the gym working on homework while the girls’ basketball team warmed up. Suddenly, the doors opened and everyone looked over to see Kira walk in. The room went silent. Andi and Jonah looked at each other and then walked down to where everyone else was standing.

Buffy stepped in front of everyone else and crossed her arms. “What are you doing here?”

Kira crossed her arms too and met Buffy’s stare. Then she looked over at Jonah who gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. She looked down at the floor. “I’m here to apologize.” If the room hadn’t been so quiet, he might not have heard her. If he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes, he wouldn’t believe Kira was capable of sounding so unsure of herself.

Everyone else looked at each other in confusion. Buffy looked back at Kira. “Well?”

Kira looked up at Buffy and the rest of the team. She sighed and uncrossed her arms. “I’m sorry. You let me join your team, and I treated you all like shit.” She looked at Buffy. “You were right. I have- had an attitude problem. I’m going to try to work on that. I’m sorry.” Then she turned and walked out of the gym while everyone stood in stunned silence. The sound of the door slamming shut shocked them all out of it.

Buffy turned back to her team. “So… That happened.” They all nodded in agreement.

One of the girls spoke up. “So, what do we do now? Do we think she meant it?”

All of the girls started talking at once. With some effort, Buffy got them to calm down. “Ok, I guess we should all sit down and talk about this.” So they did. Jonah and Andi kind of stood there awkwardly for second until Buffy gestured for them to sit next to her. “Ok, one at a time. What do we think?”

One of the girls (Kaitlin maybe?) raised her hand. “I think she looked like she meant it. And she’s a good player. Maybe we should let her back on the team?”

The girl next to her rolled her eyes and said, “You just want her to be on the team because you think she’s pretty.”

Kaitlin elbowed her and whisper-shouted, “Shut up,” while a couple other girls laughed.

Buffy turned to Andi and Jonah. “What do you two think?”

“We’re not even on the team though?” Andi looked at Buffy in confusion.

“Yeah, but you’re my friends, and I value your opinions. Besides, it might be helpful to get an outside perspective.”

Jonah thought about his conversation with Kira yesterday. “Well, I’m pretty sure that all she really wants is to play basketball. Maybe she finally realized that being nice might be a better way to do that than being mean and manipulative?”

“Wait manipulative? When was she- ohhh.” Buffy suddenly had a look of realization on her face. Shit. The looked passed as quickly as it appeared. “Ok well, that doesn’t really tell us if she’s actually sorry or if she’s just pretending to be so we’ll let her on the team.”

Another one of the girls spoke up. (He should really try to learn their names.) “Well, does it really matter why she’s doing it. Even if she starts being nice to us just to get on the team, she would still be being nice, y’know? And Kaitlin’s right. She’s a good player. If she helps us win and stops being a bitch about it, does it really matter what her intentions are?”

“Well, I don’t know if I want to be on a team with someone who thinks she’s better than me, no matter how nice she acts.”

“We forgave Buffy. What’s the difference? No offense, Buffy.”

“None taken. You’re right. I did used to be like her, and you all, and my friends, helped me get better. Maybe we could at least forgive her, even if we don’t let her back on the team.”

Andi leaned over and whispered to Buffy, “Cyrus is getting in your head.”

Buffy pushed her away and rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

Another girl suggested, “What if we just let her come to one practice, and see how it goes?”

Buffy nodded. “That’s not a bad idea. Is everyone comfortable with that?” The other girls all nodded. “Great, so now that that’s settled, let’s get back to practice.”

Later, the three of them were sitting at a booth at the Spoon sharing a basket of baby taters. They were talking about their day. Apparently, they had gotten a good grade on their art project, which Jonah was pretty sure Andi had done all of the work on.

At some point, Iris walked in and waved at them as she walked up to the counter. He watched her talking to Amber for a little bit. He couldn’t hear them, but Amber looked a bit flustered and was playing with the piece of her hair that wasn’t in her ponytail. After only a couple minutes, Iris grabbed a to-go bag and left, waving at them again as she did.

After she left, Jonah went over to the counter where Amber was still standing and staring after her. “So… uhh I’m performing at the Red Rooster this Saturday. I thought you might want to come?”

“Yeah sure, that sounds like fun. I’m pretty sure I have that day off.”

“Cool… And I was thinking you might want to invite Iris?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on. I’m not as oblivious as everyone thinks I am. You two were obviously flirting just now.”

“This feels like a weird thing to talk about with my ex.”

“Well, too bad. You wanted to stay friends, and I don’t know how many other friends you can talk to about girls you like, so… you’re kind of stuck with me.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “I don’t like Iris.”

“Uh huh. And TJ doesn’t like Cyrus. Are all Kippens gay disasters and bad liers, or is it just you two?”

“Shut up. I have to get back to work.” She walked away, and he walked back to his table.

Buffy looked at him suspiciously. “What was that about?”

Jonah shrugged and ate a baby tater. “I was just inviting her to the open mic night this weekend.” Buffy didn’t look like she bought that, but luckily she decided to drop it.

On Thursday, Buffy’s team had their practice with Kira, and apparently it went better than expected, but Buffy still seemed hesitant to let her on the team. Buffy, Jonah, Cyrus, and TJ were currently discussing this at the Spoon.

“I mean one good practice doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s changed. I still don’t trust her.”

“Yeah, I don’t trust her either, but she’s not going to change if you don’t give her an opportunity to. I mean, I definitely wouldn’t let her on my team, but I don’t think you should let what she did to me stop you from letting her on your team.”

“Wait hold on, did you tell Buffy what Kira did to you?” Jonah felt out of the loop.

TJ shrugged. “Yeah, she kind of guessed part of it, so I told her.”

“Which is why I can’t believe he’s encouraging me to let her on my team.”

“I just don’t want you to let what happened with me affect your decision. And as someone who has been given more chances than I deserve, I only think it’s fair to give her a second chance too. I mean she did apologize to me yesterday.”

Buffy looked to Cyrus to see what he thought. Cyrus agreed with TJ. “You know I’m always for giving people second chances. My only concern is your and TJ’s comfort with it, given the situation, and if TJ’s ok with it, it’s up to you and your teammates. I think that what matters is whether or not you are all comfortable playing basketball with her. What do your teammates think?”

“They’re all for it, but they also don’t know the full extent of what she’s done. And I know I can’t tell them, but it doesn’t seem fair to make them unknowingly play with someone who I know is homophobic, especially since some of them are not straight.”

Jonah spoke up then. “Ok, what she did was homophobic, but I don’t think her intentions were, and she obviously regrets it and apologized, so?” Cyrus and TJ nodded in agreement.

“Ok fine, I’ll think about it. Can we talk about something else now?”

Finally, it was Saturday. The day of his performance. The day he was going to come out to all of his friends and whoever else happened to be in the Red Rooster at the time. He hadn’t told anyone in his family about it, so he hoped none of them would be there. He showed up to the Red Rooster about half an hour before it started. He was in the back room pacing when Bowie walked in.

“Hey, how are you doing?”

He stopped pacing to talk to Bowie. “Oh y’know about as well as can be expected given that I’m about to come out to everyone out there.”

“Hey, you’re going to do great. You know everyone who matters is going to be supportive. But if you change your mind and don’t do it, no one will judge you.”

“I know. I’m going to do it. If I don’t do it now, I don’t know if I ever will.”

“I’m proud of you, Jonah. And I have something for you.” He pulled a small, black ring out of his pocket. “I saw this the other day when I was shopping, and I remembered I had a friend a few years ago who wore one. He told me that it’s a way of subtly showing people who know about it that you’re aro or ace. You’re supposed to wear it on your right middle finger.”

He held it out to Jonah, who took it and looked at it. It was pretty plain. He held back tears as he put it on. He took a step closer and hugged Bowie. He said, “Thank you,” quietly as he pulled away.

“Hey anytime, man. Now come on, the show’s about to start.” Jonah took a deep breath and they walked out to the main room.

Bowie walked out on stage to introduce the first person. Jonah sat backstage waiting until it was his turn. He tried to focus on the other performances and made sure to wish everyone good luck before they went on and then tell them that they did a good job as they walked off the stage.

Eventually, it was his turn. He walked on stage with his guitar and sat on the stool in front of the microphone. He looked out into the audience at all of his friends smiling at him. He took a deep breath and started playing. As he played, his nervousness faded away and he got lost in the music. He tried not to look at his friends. He knew if he saw their reactions, he would be distracted. So he looked above the audience or at where Bowie was sitting in the front row, smiling encouragingly. When he was done, everyone clapped and he smiled and finally looked towards his friends. He was worried about what he would see in their faces, but all he saw was love and support.

He walked backstage as Bowie came up to the stage to close out the show. The crowd began to disperse, and he put his guitar down and then walked over to his friends.

Amber was the first one to speak. “So I guess our relationship was doomed from the beginning huh, what with me not liking guys and you not liking anyone. I’m honestly kind of relieved I’m not the only one who didn’t want to be in that relationship, but you’d ‘rather watch a snake eat an elephant?’ really? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

“Yeah, I can’t believe you stole my line. How’d you even know about that?” Jonah looked over at Buffy who at least had the decency to look a little guilty. Cyrus turned to her. “Wait, you told him? Buffy!”

“Sorry?”

Iris seemed to realize something. “Wait, does that mean that line is technically about me?”

Cyrus’s face went red. “Uhh… maybe? To be fair, we had been watching a nature documentary in which a snake did in fact eat an elephant, so I think it’s slightly less bad in context.”

“It’s fine Cyrus. I get it.” Iris put a hand on his arm and the two smiled at each other before turning to talk to TJ and Amber.

Andi looked at Jonah. “Hey, you know we’re all proud of you, right?” He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by people who loved him and supported him, no matter what.

“Yeah, I know.”

Suddenly, Jonah heard a familiar voice behind him. “So I guess you solved that gay crisis you were having last weekend, huh?” Jonah turned and saw Walker.

“Yeah, thanks for helping me with that by the way.”

Walker raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know what I did, but you’re welcome I guess?”

Jonah just smiled and put his arm around him as the two turned back to the larger group.

The next morning, he woke up to a text from Buffy asking him if he wanted to go to the Spoon with her. He was confused, but he responded saying that he’d be there in twenty minutes.

Thirty minutes later, he walked into the Spoon and saw Buffy already there, sitting at a booth for two people. There were two glasses of water on the table, one completely full and the other mostly full. Buffy was staring at hers intently and playing with the straw. Jonah sat in the seat across from her.

“Are you ok?” Jonah was concerned. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen her like this before.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking.” “About Kira?” She shook her head. He tried to think about what else could be bothering her. She had seemed fine the night before. Although, now that he thought about it, she had been quieter than usual. He didn’t understand why she would want to talk to him, of all people, about whatever it was that was bothering her, but he decided to try to be a good friend and listen to her. He waited patiently for her to speak.

“It’s your song.” That confused him, but he didn’t interrupt. “It kind of hit me harder than I was expecting. I was trying to figure out why, so I did some more research into aromanticism. Did you know that it’s like a whole spectrum?” She looked up at him as if expecting a response, so Jonah nodded. That was something he had come across in his research, too. She nodded too and looked back down. “I think I might be somewhere on that spectrum. Like I don’t think I’m completely aro, but maybe demi? That’s the one that seemed to make the most sense to me.”

She stopped talking, and Jonah realized he should probably say something. He didn’t know what to say, so he just grabbed her hands across the table. She looked up at him. He was definitely sure he had never seen her look this vulnerable before. “Do you want to talk about it more? Talking through it might help you figure out which label fits you the best, or if you even want a label at all?”

Buffy nodded but didn’t speak right away. They just sat there holding hands for a minute. Eventually, she took a drink of her water, and then started talking again. “Ok, so what you described in your song about how you felt with Andi and Amber and Libby, I think that’s how I felt with Walker. Like I don’t think I ever actually liked him like that, but I felt like I should, you know? And when he kissed me, it felt, well…”

“Like you’d rather be watching a snake eat an elephant?”

“Ok maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but it was weird. I didn’t really like any of the romantic stuff. I just wanted to be his friend. And then when he asked me to his dance, that was just too much. That’s what made me realize I didn’t actually like him, so I broke up with him.

“And then there’s Marty. Everyone thought I liked him, but I just really liked being his friend, y’know? I didn’t even think of it being romantic until Andi said that she thought we were flirting, but even then I just thought she was exaggerating. And then he told me he liked me and I panicked. I didn’t want to lose him, but the thought of dating anyone scared me. I thought I was just scared because of the drama between you and Andi, but I don’t know. And then he ghosted me, and it hurt so bad, and everyone thought that meant I liked him, but I really did just miss him as a friend. The thought of dating him just didn’t feel right. When I found out he had a girlfriend, I was happy for him, and also kind of relieved because I thought maybe then we could be friends without having to worry about him liking me, so I called him. And things have been great. It’s so nice to just be his friend again. And maybe the idea of dating him doesn’t seem as completely horrible now, but I definitely don’t like him like that.”

She took another drink of her water and then a deep breath. “And now I think I might have a crush on someone else. I’m not sure ‘cause this has never happened before, but I think it feels like how Andi and Cyrus have described their crushes. And the thing is, we’ve been friends for years, and I never thought of them like that until recently. The other day, we were hanging out just the two of us, like we always do, and I don’t know why, but something felt different? I just couldn’t stop staring at them. I don’t know. It was weird.” Jonah was pretty sure he could guess who Buffy had a crush on, but he decided not to say anything. It was her choice if or when she decided to tell him.

“And anyway I was reading about what demi means, and it said that they’re only attracted to people they like know really well or are already friends with, and I was like but isn’t that everybody? And then I realized that no, it’s not. Because Andi and Cyrus have both had crushes on guys they didn’t even know, and now I think I get why that never made sense to me before.”

She took a deep breath. “Wow that did actually help a lot. So, I guess I’m demi, then? Huh. Thank you, Jonah. For being here and listening and for unintentionally triggering my identity crisis in the first place.”

“Any time, Buffy. You know I’m always here for you.” He squeezed her hand.

“Look at us expressing our feelings. Cyrus would be so proud of us.” They clinked their glasses together and laughed.

They smiled at each other for a second, and then Buffy ordered baby taters for them to share. They ended up spending a couple hours there just talking, mostly complaining about their friends’ relationships and their own past relationships and school and life in general. It was nice to talk to someone who actually understood.

#andi mack #fanfic #my fic #jonah beck #aro jonah #demi buffy #buffy driscoll #walker brodsky #tj kippen #bowie quinn #cyrus goodman #tyrus #also briefly mentioned ambiris and bandi #jonah being aro and buffy being demi is the hill i will die on #me? projecting way too much onto fictional middle schoolers? it's more likely than you think

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saltyaro · 5 years

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h0tb0x a réagi à votre billet “Embrace your aromanticism. Free yourself of social shackles. Let...”

I actually feel more beautiful than ever after coming to the realization I’m asexual. Now, when I dress up, it’s for no one other than myself.

While I do not want to attack anyone, this still needs to be said.

Could you please refrain from making posts about aromanticism all about asexuality? Like, I’m glad for you, really, that you find yourself beautiful, that’s cool and good for you! But 1)that’s not what this post was about and you’re derailing it actually 2)honestly with how the ace and aro communities currently are, it is extremely disrespectful (despite being very common) to take a post talking about aromanticism and commenting “lol ace mood” on it.

The social pressures of beauty affect everyone, but this post wasn’t meant to read “everyone is beautiful uwu, just challenge beauty standards”. Because I find that to be useless and harmful, actually. It was just a short post, but there’s actually a lot behind it - mostly, a critique of that kind of thought.

This post didn’t mean “being aro doesn’t mean you’re ugly!, don’t worry you’re beautiful and sexy and aesthetic and romantically desirable!”. It was meant as an encouragement towards freeing oneself from beauty. Beauty isn’t something necessary, and is, from my point of view, of little to no importance. So, your comment here, is just...100% going against my original message. No, it probably wasn’t your intention but yes, I’m upset.

I meant: don’t bother dressing up. Embracing your aromanticism makes it easier not to give any fuck about society’s expectations about your body. This post was meant to lessen the pressure to dress up, be pretty, etc. Because honestly, no, not everyone is pretty, and it’s okay. It’s unimportant.

More importantly, not everyone wants to be pretty, and it shouldn’t be expected of people. I know I don’t want to. Maybe it wasn’t your attention, but to me, your comments sounds like “come one, you’re not ugly! Don’t give up on being pretty, you too can attain some beauty standards! So, because you can, you should do it, aren’t you ashamed you aren’t putting effort, time, money and suffering into being pretty? Being beautiful is extremely valuable and everyone should strive for it.”

So yeah. Please don’t. I wanted to give myself permission to be ugly. Because I’m one of those weird people who don’t want to be pretty, and actually put efforts into not being beautiful. I just want to be neutral. I felt other people could feel that need too, and I wanted to convey that to them. That it’s okay not to care about your appearance. That if you want to wear way oversized clothes that are comfy and make you look like a bag of potatoes, that’s more than okay. That it isn’t important if you have scars, pimples, lack teeth, have holes in your shirt.

Because beauty doesn’t make anyone or anything, more valuable. And not having it doesn’t lessen one’s value. “Everyone’s beautiful” can he heard anywhere and is pop feminism’s favourite phrase. We don’t need it.

#h0tb0x #my post #salty #long post

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marinsawakening · 5 years

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About arospec headcannon thing anyone from FMA of your choice and a character from a series/book that you have enjoying latelly!

“character from a series/book that you have enjoying latelly” bold of you to assume I’ve had the attention span to be reading anything anon. the only thing I’ve been reading lately is ‘The Bacchae and Other Works’, demonstrating that I can, in fact, be a smart literary reader every once in a while, but the only play I’ve finished is Ion, and like… sure Athena is aro, but I also feel like headcanoning a greek god as aro is kinda cheating, but in the spirit of ancient greek myths, I’ll be doing my fave aro headcanon, Percy Jackson. He’s going under the cut though, because Ed’s turned out… long. Sorry about that.

Anyway, from FMA, I’m (predicatably) picking Edward Elric, because I can’t and won’t stop:

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

I generally headcanon Ed as nebularomantic, though I also really really like the headcanon of him having my exact aro experience because honestly, I like projecting onto him. But I usually go with nebularomantic because I feel like the headcanon possibilities for that are more interesting, so I’ll go with that in this post.

(Or arovague, a little more, maybe? He’s nebularomantic in the sense that a) alexithymia makes figuring out whether he’s feeling platonic or romantic attraction pretty much impossible, and b) he feels like he doesn’t really fit into society’s ideas of romance due to it heavily being tied up into neurotypical standards, and finds the concept of romantic relationships/romantic attraction somewhat inaccessible to him as a result. So he’s kind of a mix between nebularomantic, quoiromantic with the ‘disidentifies with the concept of romantic attraction’ definition, and arovague, I guess, but I think he’d just use nebularomantic because it’s easier and it still encompasses his experiences very well.)

How proud of being arospec are they?

Pretty proud, if only because he knows it pisses people off and he loves doing that. He’s not dropping it into every conversation ever, but he definitely has a couple pins and shows up at pride with the flag painted on his cheeks.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

I’d say that on the Minority Identity tier, it’s probably his least important identity to him, definitely after autistic/ADHD (kind of the same thing to him) and nonbinary. It’s still pretty important to him, though. Maybe the only thing he prioritizes it over might be his amputee status, mostly because, since he grew up with a bunch of automail engineers and later living in Rush Valley with Paninya and Winry for a long while, amputees have kinda become the norm for him. However, I can also see that, due to the Circumstances surrounding the loss of his limbs, he might prioritize his physical disability anyway, because he’s had to learn to take pride in it, whereas for the nebularomanticism, that came pretty naturally.

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

He’s out to pretty much everyone, although the only people he actually sat down and had a conversation with were Winry, Paninya, and Al. Winry because she helped him figure out he wasn’t allo (even if he couldn’t pin down his specific aro identity), and Paninya because he brought it up when he proposed starting a qpr to sort of close a sort of ‘qpr’ triad between him, Winry, and Paninya. Al also knows because Ed talked his feelings over with him when he was still questioning, and then Mei found the identity ‘nebularomantic’ and told Al, who told Ed, and that’s how Ed figured out his identity.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

Romance-neutral, largely. I mean, he’s married, so that counts as romance-favourable probably, but honestly? He’s mostly neutral to the concept of romance because he doesn’t understand why it exists. It’s pretty much impossible for him to separate neurotypical expectations of romance and love from the concept of romantic relationships/romantic attraction in general, and this was one of the main reasons he and Winry decided to change their relationship from ‘romantic’ to ‘idk what but we’re definitely important to another/queerplatonic-ish’; he constantly felt like he was failing in romance, and Winry had a bit of trouble adjusting her expectations from a generic romantic relationship to one with Ed once they moved from a long distance relationship to a short distance one, so they felt like it was best to change the label. But that said, he’s not repulsed, and he’s not necessarily opposed to the concept of a romantic relationship, he just doesn’t really understand why that exists and has trouble living up to the neurotypical standards it generally entails.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

Some mild stuff, but nothing extreme. He married Winry fairly young, so that warred off all the ‘I can fix you/you need to be fixed’ and ‘you’re horrible and are going to die alone!’ flavours of arophobia, but at the same time, the fact that he married her means that a lot of people deny, ignore, and/or erase his arospec identity. Even showing up in public with an aro/nebularomantic pride flag doesn’t stop people from ignoring it. Since he’s a pretty high-profile figure, this means that it’s especially noticeable.

In addition, he’s also faced some ableist-specific arophobia in people saying that he just doesn’t understand romantic attraction because he’s autistic/ADHD, which, yeah, duh, that’s why he identifies as nebula? But people use that to deny his identity, saying that his aro identity isn’t real because it’s caused/affected by his neurodivergency, or that it must be fixed with therapy. He generally punches those people in the face and they shut up really quickly.

How do they show their arospec pride?

Like I said, he goes to pride and paints his cheeks in the nebularomantic/aromantic pride colours (one on each cheek), and he doesn’t shy away from talking about it in day-to-day life. On the rare occasion that he makes a public appearance such as an interview or as a gala attendee (mostly when he’s lost a bet to Mustang or Ling), he usually takes either a small or big flag with him (depending on the mood he’s in), just to smirk when people get awkward or try to ignore it.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

He constantly corrects people if they call Winry his wife (yes, they’re partners, and yes, they’re married, but ‘wife’ specifically has connotations to him that he doesn’t like), constantly corrects them if they assume he’s alloro, and just generally is an obnoxious arospec fuck who’s not going to let any part of his arospec identity get erased.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

The questioning process took pretty long, both due to the complicated nature of his identity and alexithymia hindering the process. As I already said, it’s pretty much impossible for him to distinguish neurotypical expectations of romance from romantic attraction/relationships, but he was also aware that societal expectations =/= romantic attraction at its core, so he didn’t know if his confusion surrounding the matter was enough to make him anything but allo. Furthermore, there was the fact that alexithymia made trying to figure out whether what he was feeling was platonic or romantic pretty much impossible: he could barely figure out if he was feeling hungry, fuck if he knew he was having a squish or a crush. There was also the obvious fact that yup, he sure married Winry, and he didn’t want to divorce her because he did want to be in some kind of relationship, but he didn’t know if that was because he was feeling any kind of romantic (or platonic, for that matter) attraction, or because he simply felt at home with her, and yes he did consider that the ‘at home’ feeling might’ve been romantic, but probably not, since he also feels it with Al, but then again it was still very much different with Al, so maybe…?

Anyway, you get the point. Questioning was long and messy, and eventually came to a head when Winry basically said ‘look listen I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you promised not to keep me in the dark anymore, so spit it out’ so he did and she basically said ‘well in my expert alloromantic opinion that’s not very allo’ and he went ‘oh. shit. why didn’t I ask you earlier’ (it was because he’s the world’s smartest idiot). So they sat down and figured things out, and eventually agreed that it would be best if they ‘cancelled’ the romance aspect of their relationship for now, just to figure out what would work for them.

Also Mei was actually the one who found the term ‘nebularomantic’ way later, when she was researching arospec identities after her and Al’s relationship crashed and burned horribly (she definitely has access to a huge library of queer identities in Ling’s palace shut up), and Al heard her say the definition and he went ‘oh shit that’s my brother’, so then he called Ed and that’s how Ed came to identify as nebularomantic.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

He’s in a queerplatonic triad with Winry and Paninya! The relationship is actually kind of complicated, with Winry and Paninya being in a romantic relationship, Ed and Winry being in a committed relationship they’re chosing not to label at the moment, and Paninya and Ed being in the world’s most casual qpr, but the three of them call their triad ‘queerplatonic’ to simplify stuff. He probably wouldn’t necessarily search out a qpr, I think, but he very much loves people (regardless of whether or not it’s platonic or romantic or something else entirely), and he does like living with other people, so he’d probably have fallen into one naturally anyway, even if canon hadn’t played out the way it did.

Final thoughts?

If you think that I won’t headcanon someone as arospec just because they married and had kids at the end of the series then you’re so fucking mistaken.

What arospec identities do they have? (Can be as specific or vague as desired)

Percy’s demiromantic!

How proud of being arospec are they?

Very proud! If you think he ever stops making demi jokes, you are very very wrong. He goes to pride, has pins, has a flag up in his room, and generally won’t shut up about it.

Do they prioritize their arospec identity over any others?

Somewhat! He’s both demisexual and demiromantic, and he doesn’t necessarily separate those two out, but he does prioritize both of those over his demiboy identity, though that’s definitely important to him too and he’s proud of that as well (plus, he appreciates the pun material).

Are they out? If so, how did they come out, and to whom?

He’s out! After he figured it out the first thing he did was kick Annabeth’s door open and go ‘Annabeth Holy Fuck!’, so she knows. His mom and Paul know, because he actually had a Serious Coming Out conversation with them (he knew they’d take it well, but still). Everyone else at camp also knows, because he won’t shut up about it, and also like everyone at Camp Halfblood is queer as fuck, so they just kind of expected something like this sooner or later. The puns are an unwelcome surprise, though.

How do they feel about romance? Romance-favorable? Romance-neutral? Romance-repulsed? Or does it fluctuate?

None of the above, he’s very firmly romance oblivious. He’s not going to catch you flirting with him, he WILL read over romance subplots without picking up on them, he is always the last to catch on to relationships his friends have started, etc. etc. He’s romance-favourable in the sense that he’s currently in a romantic relationship with Annabeth, but honestly, I don’t think he cares enough about romance to use any of the above labels.

Have they ever experienced arophobia? If so, how?

Yeah, he’s had a bunch of assholes tell him that he’s just straight, or that he needs to use demi as a modifier, or that demiromanticism doesn’t exist, etc. etc. However, he’s been lucky enough to have a supportive family and a queer as fuck friendgroup, so it hasn’t been as bad as it could’ve been and he’s had a lot of support.

How do they show their arospec pride?

PUNS (IN THE FORM OF DEMI- JOKES). SO MANY FUCKING PUNS. NEITHER HE NOR I WILL SHUT UP ABOUT THE PUNS.

Do they actively try to combat amatonormativity in their daily lives or elsewhere? If so, how?

Sort of? He’s loudly demi, which combats amatonormativity pretty much automatically, but he’s not exactly the type to go around educating everyone about the concept of amatonormativity or anything. That’s what Annabeth is for.

Was it easy for them to label themselves arospec, or was there a long period of questioning? How many labels did they have to try before landing on the one they use now?

Honestly, he just sort of assumed that the world was playing a prank on him regarding this ‘falling in love at first sight’ thing, or in general, this ‘falling in love’ thing. He’s never had a crush on anyone before Annabeth, and was honestly halfway convinced that the concept was fake until her, but he also never really analyzed that? He just kind of… assumed that was normal. Calypso was the first real wrench in that theory, but he chalked it up to her being not human and went about his life.

Aaand then he overheard someone talking about being demi, got massively confused for a second, asked for clarification before, you know, calling a satyr, and realized ‘oh hey that’s me!’.

So all in all, the questioning process was pretty straight forward, just hampered by him being very oblivious.

Would they be interested in a QPR? Why or why not?

Hmmm, maybe? I think he’s satisfied with his romantic relationship with Annabeth, but I also don’t necessarily think he’d be opposed to one. I don’t think he’d search one out, but if someone asked, he’d probably be willing to give it a go.

Final thoughts?

This was my first ever aro headcanon and I can and WILL die on this hill.

#my posts #Anonymous #arospec headcanon #asks #edward elric #fma #percy jackson #pjo #long post

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 5 years

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hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

#smalluns proceed with caution. it's T rated remember #it's not dodgy though. just evil and cursed #anyway i'm going to sleep now for like 12 hours #random stuff #misadventures #if you're on the mobile app and the keep reading glitches and you have to scroll then i'm sorry #this is under a cut on desktop i promise

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