#into the system for the sake of your own fun and enjoyment. and maybe fuck off!

[munamania]

ohhh you think the barbie movie is just a giant commercial. you think it has little to no important commentary and should be written off along with *checks notes* every other project to ever come out made by women that centers women that isn’t an absolutely perfect depiction of intersectional anti capitalist feminism. should we throw a party. should we invite ben shapiro

#abby talks #barbie 2023 #y’all are pissing me off on here too i doubt every fucking communist on here just doesn’t watch movies #u probably watch old ass fucking robert de nitro movies or some shit and thirst over that old man. don’t pretend u don’t occasionally fall #into the system for the sake of your own fun and enjoyment. and maybe fuck off! #not everyone who enjoyed the movie is an idiot who can’t possibly comprehend larger more complex discussions #let me rephrase to include everyone no matter ur beliefs i’m sure ur happy to giggle at a breaking bad meme. to hehe haha at the succession #boys. to giggle and clap ur hands over it’s always sunny or fucking whatever. u catch my drift. or maybe you’re an mcr fan who thirsts after #also everyone who watches barbie suoildnt have to excuse that with I Promise I Can Think Too #that’s repacked misogyny. and also children are probably watching this #and having fun

[pluralcultureis]

Plural culture is I just dont get it...why do endos want to be this? and why do people think others want or are faking all of this? Plural culture is I cant LIKE anything anymore. Plural culture is even if im ACTIVLY TRYING to not split and to ignore it all and just keep on keeping on and pretend my system isnt there I STILL split. I cant sit down and enjoy my day because my brain will take SOMETHING, ANYTHING, NOT EVEN A PERSON SOMETIMES and if I got enjoyment or even suffering out of it then its just THERE now and a part of me is missing. Plural culture is missing parts of yourself, loosing a skill or talent you loved that shaped who you were, forgetting the faces and voices of your loves ones, getting your memories rewriten for you, blinking and missing days or sometimes years. And thats just MY experience as host! Others in my system having to live their lives in the backseat, never being able to have one of their own or feeling like their hole point of existence is to make me happy or make sure we dont die. Sometimes I see how tired and drained the protectors are, how strung out the care takers are, the gatekeepers putting on a brave face for the good of the system to make us feel like maybe at least ONE of us has SOME kind of control only to find out that even they dont know everything or have control over it all. I see alters who are dating in our system wish and beg for a body just so they can hold hands like normal. Or others still who have had relationships outside the system wish they had a body independent of this one to go and be with who they want and do whatever they want. Its NOT all suffering and disorder yes of course and thats so very valid but like...even the most well adjusted systems deal with flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks I mean for fuck sake its not just some fun game or even a coping skill! Id RATHER NOT split or disassociate to be able to cope! Honestly id MUCH RATHER do things myself then switch but unfortunately I simply CANT no matter how much I want to! I HATE how low our split tolerance is because SPLITTING ISNT FUCKING FUN even when its painless! Even when its so subtle you dont notice! Because you loose something, a memory, your feelings, your sense of self gets rocked off its balance and honestly sometimes not knowing a split happed is WORSE cause youll just randomly start feeling like your not you anymore with no explanation as to why! Its so frustrating to see a bunch of people emulate the "fun parts" of my disorder and then when I get RIGHTFULY upset and say "hey its not like that it actually kinda sucks" they turn around and emotionally manipulate a group of people who are NUTORIOUS for not being believed by saying "Well because no one believes you then you should believe me because everyone has a different brain so actually I say that you dont need to be traumatized and have any of the bad shit your talking about and I get to have all the cool parts of it and your trying to oppress me by not letting me in your spaces" like???? Okay, so sorry for the rant and talking about endos and systemcorse and all. Sometimes it just all seems so ridiculous to me. When I see people say "real systems arnt hurt by people faking DID" and like??? no??? dont fucking speak for me???? Like yes stop fakeclaiming but like no dont say endos arnt "real systems problem" like I guess in practice sure but no and also BIG NO cause enods directly HAVE caused me problems so no, fuck that.

.

#endos dni #osdd #pdid #did #did system #pdid system #osddid #actually did #traumagenic #actually dissociative #plural culture is #tw vent #syscourse

[shireness-says]

Swan’s Seven (4/?)

Summary: After two years behind bars, Emma’s out, and she’s got a plan in mind. Now to put together the perfect team… Let’s stage an art heist. (A CS Ocean’s 8 AU) ~3.9K. Rated T for language. Also on AO3. Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

~~~~~

A/N: Hello, all. It’s been a while on this one. 11 months, nearly to the day. Word to the wise: don’t sign up for six writing events all at once. The good news is there’s not a lot to refresh on, if you need the refresher! The gist: we’re robbing an art galley, and CS are trying to come back from starting out on the wrong foot.

Thanks, as always, to @snidgetsafan​​ for beta-ing, and to YOU ALL for being so patient with me.

Tags: @optomisticgirl​, @spartanguard​, @profdanglaisstuff​, @captainsjedi​, @thisonesatellite​, @thejollyroger-writer​, @let-it-raines​, @teamhook​, @kmomof4​, @snowbellewells​, @searchingwardrobes​, @winterbaby89​, @scientificapricot​, @superchocovian​​, @welllpthisishappening​​, @ohmightydevviepuu​​. Shoot me a message if you want to be added/taken off the list.

And a last note: last September, @spartanguard​​ made some AMAZING fan art for me! Check it out and give her love, if you haven’t already!

Enjoy - and let me know what you think!

~~~~~

Emma makes her living off of first impressions and gut feelings. She’s a career con; those feelings can keep you alive and out of jail. Emma prides herself on rarely being wrong, with few (if spectacular - looking at you, Neal) exceptions.

Perhaps that’s why it rankles so much that she finds herself liking Killian Jones - it’s an admittance that her first impression, that he was nothing but a cocky bastard there to undermine her, was wrong. But underneath that seems to be a kind man, a polite and chivalrous one, a man who held the door for Elsa this morning and is currently with Belle unwrapping some kind of machine for replicating bronzes, as promised, the both of them displaying near-childlike glee at the new toy. It’s a side of him that Emma hadn’t expected to see, given those first few disastrous interactions.

(The side of him, so to speak, that Emma is treated to watching Killian bend over the box isn’t half bad either.)

A low whistle sounds from over Emma’s shoulder where she leans against the bar, almost as if she conjured it into existence. That’s not the case, of course; Ruby may be practicing her drink mixing before she starts at Robin’s tomorrow, plying them all with dangerously strong cocktails in the process, but as far as Emma’s aware, the saucy brunette isn’t any sort of mindreader. 

“Damn if that’s not a pretty sight,” Ruby comments with a smirk as she measures out a hefty shot of vodka. “I love a man who can fill out a pair of jeans right.”

“I thought you were more interested in a woman who can fill out a pair of jeans right.” It’s not a criticism - just, apparently, a significant misread on Emma’s part. Another one. 

Or not. “Baby, I’m not picky,” Ruby winks. “I like everyone. Just say the word if you’re ever interested.”

“Not really looking - especially not if it mixes business with pleasure - but I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks, Ruby.”

Ruby hums. “That mean you won’t ever make a move on Jones?”

“Why would I ever want to make a move on Jones?” Emma snorts.

Ruby just shrugs in response. “I don’t know. You two have got that charged tension going on. It’s a lot more fun to fuck it out than fight it out. You can’t deny he’s easy on the eyes, either - I’ve seen you looking.”

It’s a little too late to claim she was watching where Regina and Elsa hover over a laptop, monitoring the feed from Tink’s glasses from her first day at her new internship. That just leaves sarcasm to fall back on - always a solid choice. “Yeah, well, I’ve been in a women’s prison for two years. Can’t blame a red-blooded American woman for looking.”

“I’ll let you pretend that’s all it is. For now.” As if to accentuate, Ruby slides a bright aqua cocktail across the counter. “Enjoy your Blue Motherfucker.”

(Emma didn’t order the cocktail by any stretch of the imagination, but damn, does that burn feel good going down.)

Liquid courage doesn’t have anything to do with the way she saunters over to meet Killian where he hunches over an instruction manual. At the sound of her boots on the industrial concrete, his head snaps to attention, turning to meet her face to face. 

“What can I do for you, Swan?” he asks with that smirk she’s learning is just an affectation. She thinks it might be armor, the same way she wears her red leather jacket; warn everyone away and you won’t get hurt. 

“What are you up to tomorrow?”

“Depends. What are you about to propose?”

“How about you and I have a little date at an art gallery?”

———

“Not that I don’t appreciate your efforts, darling,” Killian murmurs in her ear, “but next time - I plan the date.”

“You seem awfully sure that there will be another date,” Emma snarks back. “Think highly of yourself, don’t you? And I’m not your darling.”

“What can I say, love - I can’t help that I’m devilishly handsome and charming. I’ve found it a winning combination.”

“Not your love, either.”

It’s not actually a date - just something intended to look like one. To anyone else at the gallery, they look like a pair of lovers, whispering sweet nothings to each other as they observe the masterpieces. All the while, Elsa observes exactly where the boundaries of each video camera lie from her computer back at the Poison Apple as Emma and Killian slink past corners with a faux-smitten giggle or tug on the lapel of a leather jacket. 

“You are aware that we can hear you, right?” Regina drawls in the hidden earpiece they both wear.

“As if I could ever forget you, Madame Mills,” Killian replies smoothly. “I must say, I wouldn’t normally invite someone else along on an afternoon romantic excursion, but if the lovely Swan enjoys someone else listening in to… shall we say, private moments, then I am happy to —”

“So help me God, if you finish that sentence, I will remove your balls with my pocket knife,” Emma interrupts. 

“Ah, so you like them quiet too.” At her sharp look - one she’s sure could cut through steel if she just tried hard enough - Killian bows his head in concession. “I’ll stop, if only for the sake of my anatomy.”

“Good decision.”

“And I’ll repeat, we can hear you,” Regina snaps into their earpieces. 

(Emma will never admit that in the midst of the banter, she forgot.)

“Alright, Your Majesty, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Killian’s voice isn’t exactly soothing, but it’s something approaching conciliatory. Emma just hopes the cameras aren’t so good as to see the way he winks, completely contradicting his words.

“How’s it going, Elsa?” Emma asks under her breath, hoping to change the subject. Turning things back towards the reason she and Killian are here in the first place. 

“Just fine, Emma,” Elsa’s calm voice trails through the ear piece. “The cameras up front will be… somewhat trickier to manipulate just due to sheer numbers, as you can imagine, but doable. I’ll work on dissecting their alarm system on the displayed paintings next. I would appreciate a closer pass around the doors to the staff-only areas, if you don’t mind terribly.”

“Not at all.”

Slowly, they make their way towards Elsa’s directed areas, keeping a leisurely pace and making sure to stop and briefly examine the works on the walls as they go, maintaining their facade as a somewhat distracted young couple. Jones pauses for a particularly long time to examine an impressionistic landscape Emma won’t pretend to recognize without the assistance of the side label she has no intention of looking at. By all appearances, he sees something in there that she doesn’t.

“Shopping, are we?” she leans up to whisper in his ear. It’s not flirting, not really; not real flirting anyways. It’s just all for show, and Emma? Well, she’s a born actress when it comes to a con. 

“‘Fraid I don’t have the space on my walls, darling,” he smirks. “Ask me again in a few weeks, maybe I’ll have a bigger, better place. In the meantime, just admiring the colors.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for an art enthusiast,” Emma comments as they finally saunter into the particular camera’s range, extracting the gallery guide from her back jeans pocket to give herself a reason to stop.

“I’m not. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate it from an amateur standpoint.” He leans in close - for show, of course, all for show - to whisper back in her own ear. “Now let’s hurry up and finish so we can get out of here.”

Emma tosses him a sideways look. “This may seem like a date, but you’re not getting lucky, buddy.”

“And I’d never presume as such. Now, Elsa, what else do you need?”

“A round by the other staff doors, and then just a final pass by the front guard’s desk, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, lass.”

Killian may be an annoyance, but he really does make a good partner for this kind of thing. Two people on a date is a good reason to stop, to linger, especially in inappropriate places and at inappropriate times. And Jones? Jones is a master of suggestive smirks and flirtatious gazes whose salacious intimacy turns guards’ eyes away. By all appearances, they’re two people going through the motions of a date and just biding their time before some more enjoyable activities - at least on his side. 

Emma is fine playing along; it’s easy enough to make the effort to linger in his space - all for appearances, of course - and create little affectionate touches. Hell, it’s even fun to slip her hand into the back pocket of Killian’s jeans and imprint to her memory the way he tries so hard not to jump in surprise at the gesture. But all the while, her mind is elsewhere - cataloging entrance and exit routes, taking note of pieces they’ll want to target, and remembering the faces of the guards to relay to Ruby later. This is work, not fun time; any enjoyment she might be finding is secondary to their goals.

“You can relax now, Swan,” Killian comments once they’ve finally made their way back outside and down the block, tapping at his earpiece to turn it off while Emma does the same. She’s had rather enough of Regina’s particular brand of sarcasm today. 

“I’m always relaxed,” she all but snaps back. It rather undermines her own point, but whatever.

“Oh yes, that’s so clearly evidenced by the set of your shoulders. Tell me, are they supposed to sit quite that high and tense?”

Carefully, she makes sure to relax her posture. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Hmm. I’m sure you don’t.” Killian’s smile nearly sparkles, even in the middle of that mocking, not that she’d let it distract her. No, Emma is made of sterner stuff than that. With a quirk of an eyebrow, he slings an arm - the one with a hand, she notices - over those same shoulders. “C’mon, Swan, let’s go down to the bar and check on Ruby,” he declares. “I’ll buy you a drink.”

Emma debates shrugging his arm off, coming back with another snappy quip, but ultimately decides against it; some things just aren’t worth the effort when it’s been a weird day and she’s tired. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t have questions about this little side trip he’s proposing. “Why?”

“Why do I want to buy you a drink? Well, Swan, when a single man - like myself - meets a pretty young lady —”

“You know what I mean, smartass. Why do you want to go to the bar?”

“Ah, that. Well, you’re a bit of an open book Swan, and one who likes to hold all the cards. You’ve been carefully steering this whole data-gathering enterprise; I can tell you want to check in on how Ruby’s doing. I’d never call you a control freak, of course - that’d be terribly bad form - but, well…”

“I am not a control freak,” Emma protests.

“No?”

“No. Regina is a control freak. I am a… control enthusiast.”

“Kinky.”

“Do you just want me to use my pocket knife on you? Is that it?”

“That’s a little too kinky for me, actually, but if that changes at any point, I do promise, Swan, you’ll be the very first to know.”

With a glare, Emma reaches for her back pocket. There’s something so satisfying about the way Jones lifts both his hands in surrender at her renewed threat.

“Alright, Swan, I yield,” he laughs. “Might be best to add another drink onto what I owe you, call it an apology.”

“Make it something dark and strong and you’re on.”

Ruby is, by all appearances, more than fine behind the bar at the Den of Thieves - at least if the tip jar is any indicator. Her low cut blouse and that particular sway of her hips probably helps, but Ruby is naturally predisposed to this kind of thing, friendly and just a little bit flirty and a people person in her very core in a way Emma could never manage. The peppy brunette gives no indication of recognizing either Emma or Killian as she serves them, but their drinks, even for being simple, are prepared and delivered in record time, along with a basket of onion rings a few minutes later than Emma never even had to ask for. 

“So,” Killian says once they’ve nearly finished their first drinks - rum for him, bourbon for her - and put in an order for a basket of wings, tucking his hands jauntily beneath his chin. “Tell me about yourself.”

“This isn’t a real date, Jones,” Emma quips back, draining her glass and signalling a Ruby for a refill. “Sorry to break it to you, but that touchy feely business back at the gallery? All for show.”

Killian clutches at his chest dramatically. “Break a man’s heart, why don’t you, Swan?”

Emma just shrugs, reaching for another onion ring. No real way to respond to that, and no real need, either.

“But really, Swan. Tell me something.”

“Well, I’m a Scorpio, I like long walks on the beach, and I’m just looking for that perfect partner in crime, you know?” Emma replies, purposefully pitching her voice high and giggly. 

“Oh, now that was funny, love. Partner in crime - I see what you did there.”

“I couldn’t possibly begin to understand what you mean.” Batting her eyelashes really sells the effect, in Emma’s opinion. 

“Picture of innocence, truly.”

“That’s me.” Emma quickly nods her thanks as one of Robin’s regular staff deposits their wings platter, picking up and twirling a saucy drumette between her fingers. “Why do you want to know.”

“I don’t know,” Killian shrugs, reaching for his own bite. “As long as we’re working together, I figured it’d be nice to get to know each other. We don’t have to, I suppose, but I thought it might be preferable to sitting in silence.”

“What, 20 Questions then?”

“Aye. I’ll even let you go first.”

“You’re the one who wanted to play.”

“Yes, but I’m also a gentleman. Ask your questions, Swan.”

“Fine.” The problem is, Emma doesn’t really know what she wants to ask. But the silence sits there, complete with an expectant look on Jones’ face, and she finally settles on a cop-out of a question. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Unexpected choice of question. I like it. Blue grey, like the ocean on a windy day. Pancakes, waffles, or French toast?”

“Oh, and you said I picked something unexpected. Pancakes. With chocolate chips and whipped cream. Fantasy heist?”

“Some old sailing ship. Really embrace the pirate vibe. Any hobbies?”

Emma looks at him skeptically. “Does art theft not count?”

“Fair enough,” he laughs. It’s a nice sound, not that she’s paying attention. “Back to you.”

“Dream trip?”

“Someplace ancient. Maybe Greece. Ask me again next week and I’ll tell you something different. How do you take your coffee?”

“This feels like some kind of sly come-on,” Emma comments wryly.

“And that feels like avoidance. Answer the question, Swan.”

“Fine. I take it in the form of hot chocolate. With cinnamon. If I need the caffeine I’ll shotgun a Red Bull or something instead.”

“Red Bull? That’s disgusting, Swan.”

“That’s effective. And it’s my turn to ask a question.”

“So ask it.”

She pauses just a moment before diving in. “How did you find your way into this business?” Even as Emma speaks the words, she knows this is what they’ve been leading up to - why he, a man who should be able to make a respectable living, has wound up here, trafficking stolen goods. It doesn’t make sense, even if he is excellent at his job.

“Ah.” Killian’s smile is visibly strained as his head bows to address the table instead of Emma’s face. “It’s not a particularly noble story, I’m afraid.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Emma rushes to assure him. “I know when you suggested this game you didn’t think that —”

“It’s fine, Swan, really. I was never some knight in shining armor anyways.” He knocks back the rest of his drink quickly and signals for another. “I was actually in the Royal Navy for a stretch. Joined up with my brother.”

“That… actually makes sense. How’d a nice Navy boy turn to the life of crime?”

“Lost my brother, lost my hand. Was left with… pretty much nothing, really.” He jiggles the empty glass like a nervous habit, making the remaining ice cubes click softly together. “Found myself very at ends. And then, Will Scarlet sauntered back into my life, needed help.”

“Wait - Will Scarlet?” Emma should let him finish the story, but she knows that name. Fuck, she’s worked with that name before. “You know Will Scarlet?”

“Aye. Grew up together, actually, though we took very different paths after graduation. I take it you know him as well?”

“Pickpocket and thief? Kind of an asshole?”

“Oh, an absolute right bastard when he wants to be. Which he does, nine times out of ten. But he’s a loyal friend, and when I was drinking my benefits away at any pub I could find, not much caring whether I lived or died, he came to me and told me he needed help. Someone charming enough to help him get a good price on one of his larger pulls. And it just kind of… spiraled from there. Half of dealing in stolen goods is charm, you know. Charm enough to talk a price up or down, or convince a buyer that there’s absolutely no way a purchase can ever be traced back to them even when you know you can’t promise it. It’s a good fit for, if not the one I anticipated when I first joined up, fresh out of school. What about you, though?” he asks, quickly changing the subject. “How’d a lovely young lady like you embrace the life of crime?”

This isn’t really a story Emma likes to tell; Regina only weaseled it out of her after several years and quite a lot of tequila. But it seems like something she should tell Killian - tit for tat, and all that. Besides, he bared his soul to her, and all because she asked; it’s only right that she do the same.

“It was probably inevitable, one way or another,” she admits. “I, uh… I grew up alone. No parents, ward of the state, blah blah blah. A couple of prospective adoptions that didn’t happen when I was little and then a whole chain of temporary group homes. Until…” 

“Until?” Killian gently prompts when Emma doesn’t pick back up immediately.

“Until I ran away from the umpteenth foster home or group home - I honestly don’t remember which - and David caught me trying to shoplift from a gas station.”

“Ah. The infamous brother.”

“The very one,” Emma agrees. “Who you obviously know now isn’t my real brother. But he was… he kind of took me under his wing, you know? In a way I didn’t expect at 15. His father was a big name in certain circles - less than legal circles. Robert Nolan. Infamous for faking his own death a couple times. And they took me in - David and Robert and his wife, Ruth. Turns out angels or saints or whatever the fuck you want to call them don’t necessarily live on the right side of the law. Robert taught me to pick my first lock, and, well, the rest was history, as the mysterious they always say.”

“That’s nice, in a larcenous kind of way.”

“It was. Is? Robert died, for real this time, a few years back. Ruth’s still around, though. Made sure to come visit me in prison, even when I told her to stay away. Moms, I guess.”

“And your brother? He didn’t…”

“Wind up dead or behind bars?” Emma completes. “No. Though he might as well have. David was the safe-cracker on the east coast for a while, but he retired.”

“No shit?”

“None to speak of. Met a schoolteacher, got married, moved out to Maine. They’ve got an honest-to-God farm, with sheep and a tractor and… other farm things that I never want to know about.”

“Different strokes, I suppose.”

“Or something. I’m just happy he’s happy. Maybe when this is over I’ll drop in for a visit. Try my hand at gathering eggs or something.”

“I’m sure he’d like that,” Killian smiles. “Especially if you haven’t seen each other in years.”

“Yeah, well, if he doesn’t, too bad. He’s the one who adopted me, not the other way ‘round,” she comments, raising her glass in a mock salute. She likes the way it makes him laugh - though that might just be the bourbon talking. “I think it’s time for… literally any other question, honestly. Tell me about the pirate fixation.”

Gratefully, Killian lets her change the subject. “Ah. Well, you see, when I was a young boy, my brother read me Peter Pan…”

———

It’s just a drink. Well, several drinks, and a basket of onion rings and a wing platter. But it somehow makes Killian a person, a person Emma could actually like, instead of some man with an attitude she didn’t want on her team at the beginning of all of this. She knows a thing or two about defense mechanisms and emotional armor anyways. 

“Oh, please tell me that you and Jones just buried the proverbial hatchet and not the euphemistic one,” Regina groans after Killian hands Emma a coffee cup with a wink the next morning. A large hot chocolate. With a healthy sprinkle of cinnamon on the top. 

Seems he might have listened, just a bit.

“Okay, first of all, the euphemistic hatchet is not a thing. Like, that’s not a phrase. And if it was, I don’t think Jones needs that kind of ego boost. We’d never hear the end of it,” Emma argues.

“None of this sounds like a denial.”

“Well, it is. Because - second of all - we did not have sex. Which is the phrase real adults use.”

“Calling yourself a real adult undermines the spirit of the thing.”

Emma flips her off. It’s earned.

“Fine. You didn’t have sex. So this is all just… you suddenly discovering a new and more forgiving side of yourself?”

“Well, you know, I figured he was less insufferable than you, Reg, and it was all sunshine and roses from there.”

“Fair enough.” Regina holds out her own coffee cup - doubtless filled with some disgusting double shot concoction she ordered herself from an uppity coffee shop - to tap against Emma’s. “I’m just glad to see you two getting along better. Though maybe we could hear it less.”

“I make no promises.”

Across the room, Killian meets her eyes with a smile from where he’s listening to something Tink is saying, and Emma can’t help but smile back. They would have managed this job even if Killian and her hadn’t come to this agreement (detente, he’d probably say), but she can’t deny this makes things easier. 

Alright, Swan? he mouths from across the room, smiling even wider when she nods in return. 

It’s just drinks, and it’s just coffee - but it’s a start.

#captain swan #cs ff #cs fanfiction #captain swan ff #Swan's Seven #my writing #Ocean's 8 AU #in which the banter is truly off the chart

[siderealmyg]

Streetpass [1]

pairing: Hoseok x Seokjin

genre: [F]

word count: 979

warnings: Swearing

summary:

"I'm WWHJin (From: South Korea) Nice to meet you"    "Hi there!" "Recently I've been playing... MARIO KART7. I like eating!"

Over the past few months, Hoseok has been coming across this person... well that's what his Streetpass is telling him.

The small cafe was filled with the aroma of fresh coffee, sweet pastries and people's voice. Sun shining through the windows, making a warm atmosphere. A beautiful afternoon in Seoul.

"I'm going to die from coming here nearly everyday." he sighs as he takes a spoonful of the tiramisu in front of him.

Hoseok frequents this cafe pretty much everyday. It was his relaxation spot from his busy college classes and job. He's a dance major. A talented child prodigy that lead him to getting a scholarship to one of Seoul's top colleges. So good in fact, that his teacher's husband had asked if he would like to teach classes.

But the cafe wasn't his only escape. Recently, he's been playing games more often. His best friend Jimin had gifted him a 3DS some time ago, but he never played on it until now, finding Animal Crossing pretty therapeutic. Another thing he enjoys is Streetpass, where when you come across another player, they show up in your Mii Plaza and get to complete puzzles and mini games with them.

Hoseok sat in silence in his own world again, eating his tiramisu and tending to his town. Once he'd found nothing else to do on the game, he shut it down to open Mii Plaza. … ……..

"He's here again?!" Hoseok thought to himself.

Over the past month or two, there has been a certain mii character popping up at his plaza gates.

Every. Single. Day.

"Maybe he works here, I guess." He scratches his head. What he fails to notice is a person on the other side of the cafe look around just as confused as he was, 3DS in hand.

Hoseok shuts off his system and eats the rest of his daily dessert, then heads off to his next location. 

"Do you want to get diabetes or something?" Jimin ask Hoseok as the two stretch.

"No I don't and I won't." he replies leaning to the other side.

"Well it sure as hell seems like you do," Jimin turns into a split as he rolls his eyes. "You're such a fat ass, Hobi. "

"Well, you're not wrong… I do have a great ass." Hoseok laughs, rolling away from Jimin who tried to kick him.

"For fucks sake, shut up." he chuckles.

"You love me and you know it!" Hoseok pouted knowing well it was the boys weakness.

"No, I hate you." Jimin looked away to not be swayed by his extreme cuteness.

Hoseok pretends to have been shot and dramatically dies on the floor.

"How… could y-you.. " Hoseok gasps out.

"You're so dramatic." a small smile graces Jimin's lips.

The two were getting ready for the afternoon dance class that they taught. Hoseok had been given the job after his dance teacher and her husband had seen just how incredible his skills were. Of course he took the job, it paid more than his previous one and was much more enjoyable.

Jimin on the other hand had begged Hoseok to let him be his "assistant" after finding out one of the students was the younger sibling of his crush.

"Take it back or I'll tell that art boy you like him!" Hoseok yells. But the other doesn't have time to reply as some of the kids began to walk in. A chorus of hellos to the boys and goodbyes to whoever dropped them off were heard as the kids settled in.

Hoseok laughed to himself as he watched his friend stare at the two people who walked in next.

"Have fun and be good okay?" the boy says to his sibling, showing his boxy smile. Hoseok could have sworn he saw a tear roll down Jimin's face.

"Yeah yeah I know, you tell me this every time." they respond giving him a hug.

"I know. I love you, see you later." he waves smiling again, walking out of the room.

"I love you too!" more than one person says to him, the other a low whisper.

Hoseok doubles over in laughter at the sight of Jimin's cheeks flushed red when he realized what he had said. Jimin threw himself at the other in an attempt to quiet him but it only made him laugh harder.

"What's so funny Mr. Jung?" one of the girls ask. By now, all of the students were looking at the two.

"It's nothing," he smiles, clapping his hands, "Alright let's get started shall we. Everyone begin stretching."

The two hour class passes by with Jimin internally crying over the boxy smiled art boy yet again as he picks up his little one.

"Do you even know his name?" Hoseok asks sipping his water.

"Yes, it's Taehyung." Jimin replied with a dreamy look on his face as he laid on his back exhausted.

Hoseok couldn't blame him, Taehyung was extremely attractive. It was slightly terrifying how attractive we was. If it wasn't for his best friend crushing on him, he'd probably take his shot with him… But then again playing Animal Crossing takes up a lot of his free time.

"Oof!" Hoseok flops onto his bed, freshly showered, all assignments magically completed, and ready for his nightly Island bug hunt.

"Maybe I play this game too much.." he thinks to himself as he loads Animal Crossing for the umpteenth time.

He plays for about two and a half hours before his eyes grew tired. He'd managed to collect four golden stag beetles and then some, bringing in a pretty good amount of bells once he sold everything.

Once he exited out of the game his eyes landed on the Mii Plaza icon. Frowning slightly, he plugs the 3DS into the charger and putting it atop his nightstand next to his phone.

The last thing on his mind before he knocked out was who in the hell is WWHJin and why they cross paths so often.

#2seok #bts #bangtan #bts fanfic #fluff #college au #hoseok x jin #bts fluff #jimin #yoongi #taehyung #namjoon #jungkook #bts imagines #bts reactions #streetpass

[crasherfly]

Weekly Update

Welp, this aint Tuesday.

Tuesday, Tuesday Tuesday.

Imagine it already being almost Tuesday.

I know better than to think my pithy life updates will be worth the space come Tuesday, so here I am, on a Monday, keeping my appointment ahead of time.

I don’t have much life experience. Growing up in a small town in Iowa, I was shielded from pretty much anything consequential- very much by design. So I have a hard time relating to the potential rising storm on the other side of tomorrow. 

Best context I can come up with is when I was in Florida for Hurricane Matthew. It was a storm that came out of nowhere, suddenly forming and then threatening the state on a scale best described as apocalyptic. I had about 24 hours warning that it was coming but still made the trip south anyway.

The night before landfall I stood in line at my hotel’s pizza place for 4 hours to order food. I rushed a shelf for what was left of the water and beer. I prepared to hold up in my room for days, if necessary, armed with these laughable supplies and my playstation. Had an actual crisis arisen, I would have been doomed. But I guess one ends up in this kind of position when they never believed in the crisis to begin with.

Walking back to my room, two giant pizzas and a pack of beer under arm, I listened to ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE by The Scorpions. I tweeted the experience when I’d returned to my room, still seeking brevity in the face of very real danger.

I got lucky. The hurricane ended up being a non-factor for my inland location. By the afternoon of landfall I was out and about, snapping photos and enjoying the brisk breeze. Many other hotel patrons were doing the same. Within 24 hours my vacation was back on schedule as though nothing had happened. 

I felt profoundly silly for waiting in line for pizza and beer, of all things. I felt a wave of banal regret as I considered the time I lost agonizing over whether or not to cancel my vacation outright. Once again, my midwestern sense of I TOLD YOU SO was reinforced- Midwesterners hate nothing so much as overreacting- you could tell your average bible-belt dweller that the sun is going to swallow us whole tomorrow morning and their reaction would be “oh, that’s just speculation”. 

For us of the insulated interior, nothing seems real or consequential. A hurricane won’t touch us. We’ll never experience an earthquake. Forest fires and drought rarely reach our state lines. An army would never survive the march to our fields. Our cities are too small to house the stark disparity and disfunction of coastal cities- that’s not to say they’re well run or that such disparity doesn’t exist- it simply gets passed over, hidden more readily. And with each national crisis that passes us over, we become more and more hardened in the belief that none of this really matters, after all.

In 2016, I didn’t believe Donald Trump could be elected. I still remember going to my polling station Election Day morning, voting for Hillary Clinton, and returning to my car in all of 10 minutes. I had my voter sticker. I felt like I’d done my part to help maintain sanity for another 4 years. My favorite writers were braying and crowing of the pending landslide, a promise that we wouldn’t just beat Donald Trump, but that we would bury him. I, in my midwestern sensibility, believed it without question. I didn’t check the web or tune in to the news. I simply assumed things work out.

The morning after Election Day, of course, I learned otherwise, and for the first time in my life, my midwestern sense of security was not just challenged but shattered. Something consequential had happened, something that could reach me where I lived.

And of course, since then, things have continued happening- things that are impossible to ignore, impossible to fend off with pizza and beer and The Scorpions. In my own city, I’ve experienced Covid, economic shutdowns, business closures, protests both peaceful and violent, military-enforced curfew and more. We all joke about every year being it’s own special hell, but for many Midwest-bred folks,  2020 really has been the first year that we couldn’t just ignore.

Even so, others in more isolated parts of the midwest found a way to reason  past it. I still remember two days after the election, talking to my dad on the phone, asking him how he’d dealt with past consequential political swings. 

“Well, you just have to remember the sun will keep rising, and the president is just one person. Things likely won’t change much, and good people will stand up to him if things get too bad.”

Yeah uh. That advise...sage-like as he probably thought it sounded...didn’t...uh...hold up...very well.

It’s four years later and my dad is asking me if he should expect me to drive down to Iowa in the next week, concerned my city might become unsafe. I tell him that I’ll only leave if federal-backed boots are on the ground. My mom tells me in a conversation earlier this week that she believes a coup is possible and that the military will side with the current president. She says if that happens, she’s made her peace with god and expects the Rapture at any given moment.

It is wild how big a difference 4 years can make. I tell them both that they should certainly pray if it makes them feel better- but before they pray, they should vote.

Come the day after Tuesday, there will be no such  thing as being too inland. And there will be no vacations to return to for a long, long time.

So here’s something I’m doing- I’m not drinking until Thanksgiving.

I started November as I had started it almost every other year- with a massive fucking hangover.

I woke up with cotton mouth, gagging for water and with a headache that is STILL hounding me on November 2nd. It was a nasty, ugly, full six pack IPA hangover. It was awful. Worth it, ‘cuz I had a fantastic night of friends and gaming, but also....ugh. I felt like death. I barely got out of bed. I didn’t work out. I ate a shit ton of Italian takeout. It was a waste of a day-after.

Now, we all know that clinically speaking, I’m at least a borderline functional-alcoholic. Anyone who’s been reading along with these blogs knows it, and I’m not shocking the world by admitting it. I’ve been tracking my drinking habits since JUNE and the numbers don’t lie. I drink. A. Lot.

And as I continue to strive for a healthier life- where I’m making wiser choices that allow me to both look and more importantly feel my best- it’s hard to ignore the elephant in the room- that drinking, by and large, has held me back from doing this. I have almost always traded the progress I’ve made from working out and eating well for far too many bottles of beer and sake. 

Again, I’ve been tracking this since June- and the numbers tell a story that is frankly infuriating- huge gains in miles run, reps lifted, fruits and vegetables consumed, hours meditated- only to be marred by alcohol consumption habits that would leave me two steps back after a very difficult single step forward.

I don’t think I need to quit drinking forever, because that isn’t sustainable. But I do think that I need to rethink my relationship with alcohol. I need to consider why I drink it when I do. I need to think about why I drink as much of it as I do. I need to interrogate whether the benefits are really as necessary as my guts tell me they are.

So, with this in mind, I’m taking some time away from the bottles. I’m not doing anything fancy to keep myself on track- just an extra box on my excel sheet that asks me if I drank today or not. A little x and I go on with my night.

I look forward to reporting how I feel after Thanksgiving. Maybe nothing will change! Or maybe I’ll have some profound insights. If nothing else, I’m sure my organs will thank me. Here’s to trying something new and potentially healthy!

So now that the personal update is over, let’s talk some games and stuff.

Here’s what I’ve been playing this past week.

Valkyria Chronicles (Switch)

I had a serious turn-based strategy itch this week, so I finally reloaded Valkyria Chronicles with a goal of finishing it. Six-ish hours later, I’m still not done, having only completed two missions. But I’m having a blast, and that’s what’s important.

Valkyria Chronicles is a turn-based strategy game where you take control of a squad of anime soldiers who fight in a sort of sci-fi alternate World War 2. You control the action from an overhead map, zooming in to individual soldiers as you select them. After selecting a soldier, you can move them freely across the map and direct them to attack targets or take cover. You get a set number of “commands” per turn. After you run out of commands, the enemy takes their own turn. This continues until one side is wiped out or the win condition is achieved.

This is still my first run with the game, so I don’t have a full clear under my belt just yet. What I’ve played is deeply enjoyable, although slow. The AI’s turns take forever and often are difficult to parse out, filled with pointless moves for the sake of making moves. A number of missions contain objectives that just straight up aren’t fun, but still take a ton of time to accomplish. Many involve avoiding an unkillable enemy or chasing an incredibly fast target before it exits the map. These missions are a drag and often leave me feeling too fatigued to play more than one mission at a time.

The story doesn’t hold much impact for me, and occasionally I’m reminded that the cute anime soldiers are in fact putting a deeply attractive face on the horrors of war, and that dissonance occasionally takes me out of the experience. The characters are all well designed and the Squadron 7 troops were clearly rendered with the intent that everyone would be able to find a handful of favorites to roll with throughout the game. Even so, there’s nothing so deep as the systems later TBS games like XCOM2 or Fire Emblem: Three Houses would implement 

That said, there’s just enough going on here to keep me engaged. And I deeply appreciate the lack of bloat- there’s no grinding or farming required to finish Valkyria Chronicles, which makes it feel lean and efficient compared to other titles. And although the story doesn’t do much for me, personally, I can see how others would find it very endearing. I look forward to finishing it soon enough.

Luigi’s Mansion 3 (Switch)

As you’ll see, this was a big weekend for my Nintendo Switch. I recently upgraded my memory card, which allowed me to finally download my entire library back onto my system. So I was able to finally revisit some unfinished projects, including Luigi’s Mansion 3.

The gist of Luigi’s Mansion 3 is that you’re Luigi, you’re in a haunted hotel, your pals are missing and there are ghosts to be caught. There’s some puzzles to be solved here and there, but a huge portion of your time will be spent holding down the vacuum button as you suck up anything that isn’t literally tied down.

As I spent some more time with Luigi across two floors, I was immediately struck by just how lovely the level design is. Each room is its own little shadowbox, holding surprises and hidden treasures for its players. Everything is just so...fun, so pleasing to look at and absorb...in a vacuum. You can tell that a lot of love and brevity went into building of this game, and every time I play it, it just makes me feel really...nice.

Luigi’s isn’t a particularly challenging experience, although occasionally I’ll run across a puzzle that I’m just too dull to figure out. I tend to tackle it at about a floor per play before going to something else.

Pikmin 3 (Switch)

I haven’t made it far through Pikmin 3, but what I’ve played has been very lovely.

In Pikmin 3 you play as a crew of space explorers who get separated after an accident. In their efforts to repair their ship and locate each other, they harness the powers and abilities of the Pikmin, native creatures with special powers who work together to accomplish tasks. Each mission takes place under a daily timer that works against you. When the timer runs out, day turns to night and your Pikmin run the risk of being devoured by predators. Because the Pikmin are adorable, you will often find yourself working equally hard to accomplish your mission tasks while striving not to lose even one solitary Pikmin.

I never caught this game on the Wii U, so I’m glad that it’s finding a second life so players like myself can enjoy it properly. I know a lot of people complain about all these remakes, but I think we all forget just how silly and limited the Wii U’s run really was. Even if the price for these years old games is steep, there’s still an audience out there who will find these experiences worth it. I guess count me among them.

Among Us (PC)

I’ve watched the girls of Hololive (EN) play this, but never had a chance to play it myself. It seemed fun, but I was never quite able to suss out just what exactly was happening. Gawr and Ame are lovely, but sometimes they lack on explaining just how what they’re playing works.

For Halloween I had the chance to play this game with 9 of my friends and it was an absolute blast. 

The quick primer for those not familiar- you’re part of a crew that is scrambling to fix its ship. Human crew members get a list of tasks to finish. Impostor crew members get a list of fake tasks- and can also sabotage the ship and kill humans. If a body is discovered or a panic button pressed, every living crew member confers and debates on whether or not to airlock somebody. This is decided by popular vote. If too many humans bite the dust, the Impostors win. If the humans kill all the impostors or finish their tasks, they win. So, think like, the Press the Button game from Jackbox, or Battlestar Galactica. 

Safe to say this is a game that will be a party mainstay for years to come. At five bucks and with cross-platform compatibility, it is also incredibly accessible.If you haven’t had the chance, get a few folks together and give it a shot. You might just love it.

NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro

I have a deep love for mini-retro consoles. There’s this dream that I’ll hoard all these up and then someday be able to share gaming history with my little nephews and nieces, should they ever be allowed to look at screens. (debate pending on that one). To date, I have the NES Mini, SNES Mini, Sega Genesis Mini, and the Turbografx-16 Mini.

And now I have the NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro. With 40 pre-loaded games and a heft bit of plastic, it is one of the most tactile mini-consoles in my collection.

Ever since joining Spriteclub, I’ve gained a new appreciation for retro-games, specifically fighting games like King of Fighters. It occurred to me that I’d never played with a home arcade stick before, so I did some research on what a good starting option would be. Sure enough, SNK had my back, and I found the Arcade Stick Pro.

With 40 games, half of which being 2D fighting games, you’ll not only gain a solid, multi-platform fight stick, but you’ll also have a good number of games to practice with. If you ever wanted ALL of King of Fighters or Art of Fighting, well, here they are.

There are a few quirks with this machine, however. 20 of the games have to be loaded separately via a USB stick for...reasons.  Some of the games appear to be totally untranslated, and I have yet to figure out how to add more credits beyond the base number given. I’ll continue to tinker, but it seems like a shame that the fight stick would lack these features, whereas collections like the ACA releases on Switch feature translation options and unlimited credits. To say the least, being left at the mercy of the game’s difficulty level can be daunting, at best.

The stick itself is well constructed and the pad has a good weight that will feel secure on your lap or a tabletop. It does require an additional accessory if you wish to use it for your PS4, but otherwise should be ready for use with your PC or Switch without additional hassle. 

The Arcade Stick Pro is a deeply cool peripheral with a few tradeoffs that would make an awesome gift for someone who loves retro-fighters or for a younger person who is looking to learn more about retro-gaming in general. It’s also a cost-effective solution for SNK fans who aren’t keen to spend $500 on SNK’s pending home arcade machine, but still want an at home stick experience.

Oculus Quest 2

I’ve long looked at VR as just barely a step up from mobile gaming, with gimmicky technology and a library bloated with shovelware.

So it was a delightful surprise when I booted up the Oculus Quest 2 and found myself responding with a simple “woah”.

And that was just the setup screen.

The Quest 2 is a surprisingly immersive device with a big long list of caveats.

First, we’ll address the most obvious concern- yes, facebook activation is required, unless you’re a particularly clever sort.

Second, the VR tech itself is impressive. I have bad vision, worse than most, and yet I was able to mostly acclimate to the headset with little issue. But the picture was rarely fuzzy or out of focus and the experiences I partook in were immersive and satisfying. The base audio is a bit quiet, but does the job, and the lens focusing isn’t as big of a hassle as I figured it might be. Replacing parts on the Quest is easy enough, and the set doesn’t feel too heavy on my face.

Now for the caveats. The battery life on this thing is incredibly short. Maybe a couple hours at best. The controllers use AA batteries, so that’s worth considering as well. Everyone will be able to hear what’s blaring on  your headset speakers, so investing in earbuds may be a need depending on your household. Finally, purchasing the infamous Elite Strap is a necessity- the straps included on the Quest 2 are woefully insufficient for securing the headset to your face. There are also additional fitted faceplates that might be of necessity as well, depending on the shape of your face.

The game library is also seemingly smaller than I’d ever guessed. There are ways to link this thing to your PC, but it requires a bit more fuss than most people will want to bother with. Even then, word on the street is that it is the sort of solution that is deeply reliant on a strong wired internet connection and an able-bodied PC. Those will be deal-breakers for many people.

I’ve played Tetris Effect, Superhot, VR Chat, and spent a great deal of time with various streaming apps including Amazon Prime, Netflix and Mozilla Firefox. 

Tetris was a bit too intense for me. Lots of flashing lights, a pulsing soundtrack and vibrating controllers became a near overload for me. Superhot was really, really cool. I felt like I was in The Matrix, and the uncanny sense of grabbing and holding objects was a real “wow” moment for me. As far as shooters in VR goes, it appears to be the obvious winner. VR Chat is a deeply strange and silly world that seems to be populated exclusively by drunk and stoned men in their mid 20s who just need somewhere to scream problematic shit. But it’s occasionally good for a laugh and the worlds are tailor-made for VR.

The Amazon and Netflix apps are good stand-ins for people who genuinely miss the theater experience. The digital theater and lighting effects are nice touches and make you feel as though you’re having your own private screening. However, the stream quality is often a bit rough- you will likely not experience a 4K film any time soon- and the Quest’s battery life makes it unlikely that you will finish a film in one sitting.

Luckily, Mozilla’s app is here for those of us who want to watch things like Funimation, Crunchyroll or other services who don’t have an official app. With easy to scale windows and no registration fuss, the firefox app is perfect for VR browsing and a low-fuss stand-in streaming sans apps. I’ve watched everything from Twitch to Spriteclub to Crunchyroll in the Mozilla app with no trouble, and even found it deeply enjoyable, though I still might prefer my IRL television.

Ultimately, the Quest 2 feels like the first real “open door” that VR has ever had. More important than its pricetag is how simple it is to use. A short setup and you can just jump into an experience. Anyone from child to elder could acclimate to its simple to use UI. It leaves me hoping that it will catch, because although the experience feels a tad bare to me at the moment, I can see the potential for a vibrant and motivated community should enough people go through the door.

Outer Worlds (XBONE)

I didn’t mean for this to happen. When I booted up Outer Worlds, it was on my Samsung Galaxy Note. I was just testing the XCloud and wanted to see if a FPS could viably work on such a device. The answer was “barely”. But I was also intrigued by the remote download option- where I could direct my Xbone to wake up and download the game- all from my phone. I gave it a shot.

A week later I’m playing Outer Wilds, a game I don’t really like, yet holds my attention through sheer force of will- it’s too much like other games I loved- specifically, Fallout: New Vegas, so like it or not, I end up playing on and on.

I had remembered the devs crowing that Outer Worlds would let you kill anyone. Remembering and groaning at many of the game’s inconvenient side quests (hello, Parvati, and like, ALL of Monarch), I decided to put that claim to the test.

Why would I do this? Why play a game with the intent of killing every NPC? Isn’t that kind of dark? And...yeah. Kinda! I would like to say IRL, I’m not that kind of person. I’m deeply nonviolent. I believe in weapons control and demilitarization and I’m super conflict avoidant. But that’s the neat thing about games- you can be or do anything, explore any option, and it’s fine- it’s just a game. I still can’t get over how few people played the renegade storyline in Mass Effect. Like. Y’all. Seriously. Get out of your own heads and explore the dark side!

So from the minute my escape pod smacked down onto Terra 2, I carried out my senseless vengeance on anything and everything that crossed my path. What I learned was both surprising...and a bit annoying.

First off, you absolutely can kill everything you meet. I walked right into the Edgewater and cleaned that town out with nothing more than a pistol and some careful cover use. I then headed on over to the Botanical Labs and did the same exact thing. When all was said and done I headed to Groundbreaker and continued the rampage.

It was about at this point that the game starts to get really, really aggressive about you actually picking a side other than your own. First Phineas starts blowing up your DM’s. Then the Board. Then pretty much anyone else you encounter.

I didn’t stop to listen to most of them until I encountered the Board’s office on Groundbreaker. I had already laid waste to most of the Groundbreaker, but despite this, the guards from the Board’s embassy didn’t consider me an enemy, ‘cuz the board is their own faction with their own reputation system.

So instead of firing on them, I walked inside, a trail of dead Groundbreaker crewmen in my wake, and talked to the Board rep. Turns out the Board had watched me solve every problem I had with the barrel of a gun- and they approved of my methods.

For the first time in my playthrough, I was actually intrigued by the story. So I went with it, agreeing to run with the Board and play as the left hand of the Chairman. Maybe the evil story would be more intriguing that my first clear as the liberating hero.

Initially, it was. I went on an assassination mission on Byzantium and inadvertently bypassed a second mission, because, as the Chairman’s assistant so aptly put it- I “took care of the Emerald Vale problem prematurely”, meaning I had killed every mission relevant NPC up to this point.

But then the expected kicked in. The Board wanted me to go to Monarch, and surprise! -the mission the Board wanted me to do was the same damn thing as what Phineas would have had me do. I was tempted to start the shooting once again, but instead I just shrugged and went with it. I had played about 8 hours at this point, might as well see it through to the end. So my total kill intents petered out with me selling out to The Man. Go figure.

The surprise is that the game does acknowledge your efforts when you do go on a spree. After destroying all of Edgewater and the Botanical Gardens, the game gifts you a black skull and a short message congratulating you for chucking its story in favor of slaughtering everyone. 

The NPCs who do get a word in edge-wise continually note previous locations and characters you take out. One of the most humorous moments is when ADA, the ship’s computer, tells you she is activating “EMERGENCY CONTINGENCY: THE CAPTAIN IS A PSYCHOPATH”. 

The other surprise I had was at how little I missed...anything about the story. I recall very little about the initial side quests offered in my first run. I also felt very little in the way of remorse as I blasted away my rejected companions. A million years, we all fawned over Parvati and Max and Felix, among others. But...did they ultimately stand the test of time? I’m not so sure. All I really remember of them now is how they basically just made me do a billion fetch quests. And lord did opting out of those make me feel good.

And that was my main take away from my attempt at a total kill run- much of Outer Worlds felt deeply unnecessary- so much so that intentionally thwarting the game’s story and design felt deeply satisfying in a way I’m not sure the creators intended.

And that’s it!

If you haven’t already, please get out and vote. 

And when you finish voting, go do something kind for someone you care about. Buy ‘em a pizza or write them a nice message or gift them a cheap game or offer to go on a walk with them. You can do anything, but at least do something. We are gonna need each other if we’re gonna get through this thing.

[qrhymes]

Death Note (2017) –What means being a good adaptation?

Keep the soul, the spirit of the original work.

I know this answers is vague and not really a factor in the goodness of a movie ‘cause you can still be faithful to the original themes of a work and still suck (The suckiness can take a plenitude of forms), however I firmly believe that the first step to be called a good adaptation (not necessarily a good movie or series or whatever) is breath the same air and meaning of your source material even if the plot, the story or even your character change in the process (That’s the reason that the so called “Spiritual adaptations” are a thing).

So, what are the elements that this movie needs in the first place to be called a good adaptation?

The original Death Note, to me at least, it’s a story about how “absolute power corrupts absolutely”; you give the power to decide who lives and dies to a teenager that subsequently becomes, in the spawn of a few day, in a full time sociopath (And yes, one of my absolute problems with the original is the lack of a natural transition between Light and Kira, but you can argue that that was the point) with a god complex.

I know that a lot of people see the series as a study of morality, a conflict between ideologies; the means justify the end, etc. However I have never been able to see this part of the conflict because the series never explore it’s moral dilemma beyond the superficiality of “Is It right to kill criminals?” that is and interesting and deep question that could sustain an entire work however the thing gets reduced to a “if you are not with me you are against me”.

Death Note is juvenile work and its simplicity in how develop its main question proves it…however, even if its wannabe main theme its underwhelming, Death Note still has a lot of goods and greats during its run.

The hypocrisy and the delusion of Light are great pieces for a tale how power corrupt, the entirely Kira cult, our perception of justice and the hypocrisy in those system it’s another interesting point, Ryuk as the wild card of the series is fantastic, the entire Kira task force is amazing and, at least for me, the great savior of the series.

L becomes what Light never could, a morally gray figure, that actually have weight in a morally ambiguous story of the meaning justice and what is right. L may be in the role of the traditional good guy, however he’s selfish detective that only take the cases that he finds interesting, a man that keeps in line with the law but is not afraid to push that lines to its limit, despite his gimmicks and status as a Sherlock Holmes 2.0 L comes along as a very flawed individual, not really seeking justice for the hundreds of thousand, but just challenge for his intellect. The Kira case is a passion project from him…Not really what you could call a hero, however in this kind of work it’s exactly what we needed, a hero antagonist with a lot of shades of black, whose sheer charisma and personality make, maybe not a paragon, but a compelling and lovable character that a lot of people, me include it, fell in love with.

Finally Death Note is a great mystery series, a tense police drama with genuinely thrilling mind games, an incredible pace and an overall fun ride with a ton of memorable scenes and twist, Death Note is a lot of thing and addictive as fuck is one of them, the flow of the series is so good and that is one of the better aspect of the series, what makes it so accessible is a well put and enjoyable show…so how many of these points got checked in the movie.

…Well Ryuk was…actually pretty great…

Ryuk is easily the best part of this movie, he is creepy, unsettling, menacing but also a lot of fun to have around and his character is the closest to his counterpart. I also like how the movie treats him.

He is different; less cooperative, less friendly, more malevolent but still this guy that it’s doing what it’s doing just for the lulz, and his final delivery “You humans are so fun” close his character in a really high note.

And yes, a lot of the credit goes to Defoe’s performance. I don’t know if he gives a fuck about the source material but it doesn’t matter, he is having a blast with role and so are we.

So Ryuk was fantastic…the rest of the film not so much.

There are a lot of issues here, but in general we can summarize all in two great issues. First, the movie it’s afraid to actual challenge the audience, is a tame product, one that goes for the secure route, lacking a lot of the boldness of the original material.

Even if you want to think the best of Light, he still was playing at least the role of anti-villain, someone that has do what he has to do to accomplish his objective, it’s his choice to use the Death Note, to kill criminals, the people that chase him and even his own followers when they stop being useful to him (And don’t we forget the sheer placer that the guy has with out-smarting his opponents. Yes you can argue that some kills were a necessary evil, however he enjoy some of those kills too much for someone that was still claiming that was doing all of that for the greater good). And yes, the ultimate power to kill is a factor of seduction, of course. However is still a choice that Light makes on its own…here he has to be convinced to use the note, first from Ryuk invoking dream like sensations and power fantasies and then by Mia which apparently is getting off from using the note…I mean, leaving aside that Light was probably asexual and aromantic, him using the note here feels more like he trying to impress her that trying to clean the world from criminals and yes, I don’t buy that part of his characterization in the original work, but that part built up in his hypocrisy.

Meanwhile here Light it’s treated more like a victim of circumstance, that tries to avoid targeting innocent people and just going as far as I goes just because the influence of Ryuk and Mia

Apple anyone?

This what I mean that its more tame or secure, the movie goes all the way trying to make Light likable, justifiable and innocent that forgets to add the aspect that make his original counterpart interesting, either as the idealistic young man that falls from grace trying to make the world a better place or the hypocrite, self-centered teenager that justify his murder rampage with delusions of justice. Both are great in the own right, Light Turner however, he is just another protagonist.

However trying to make Light good is just one side of the badness of this movie, the other side is, well, make L look like the bad guy.

As I said before, the magic of L is that he pulls out the character that Light never could and it is just painful seeing get butchered in this version.

L in this version is just a weirdo that likes sweets a lot, seats in weird positions and covers his faces, and yes the original L was that…in the surface.

That’s the second biggest problem of the film; it’s an adaptation of Death Note, but just in the surface.

L was great not because he was quirky or adorkable or hot, he was great because he has a role in the story, he was a contrast to Light (A contrast that doesn’t exist in this version), a perspective in the meaning justice (a side that not is precisely completely innocent or even all that lawful or good) and an interest take in the hero-antagonist.

In the movie L gets stripped from his “sympathetic inspector antagonist” and demoted to a full “inspector Javert” trying to murder Light in the quart of the movie. L it’s just another detective, there is not substance to his character, he wants to resolve the case ‘cause this is what he does. The only attempts to go with something with him is his breakdown after Watari is killed but that twist just make his character even more cliché, becomes it striped him completely of his anti-hero status to become the villain…I mean the secondary villain for the sake of…the Hollywood Formula?

This L is not really a bad or a shitty character, his problem,  in the same way that with Light, is that he is just another character, unmemorable, bland and lacking any kind of role or meaning aside of being a secondary antagonist

I would talk about Mia/Misa, but her character it’s so far away of her original depiction that it would be pointless.

Mia is a weird thing really. Not only is her introduction forced as fuck.

I mean the whole scene was something like “Hey wanna see me kill some random people”.

But the really confusing part just comes in her character. I mean what is she? A sociopath? Is she drunk with power? Is she using Light for that reason? Or the Note just makes her wet? And then the movie makes her the Big Bad, with a really stupid plan and a death also kind of stupid. A twist for the sake of a twist that only serves to cement Light as a great schemer in the last minute…as a character she was the worst in the whole film. She was in the movie because she was Misa counterpart but she has no purpose other than make Light more likeable.

…

Do you remember how tense a suspenseful the anime/manga was? There is not of that here.

Death Note was thrilling supernatural drama, with a lot of twist and turns, mind games and, overall, a great police series. As I said in the begging one of the best things of Death Note is how its flows.

Death note 2017, it’s not a mystery, it’s not a police drama, even the supernatural elements are reduced to their minimum…And it comes down to the begging, the great problem is that this is just a very tame superficial adaptation, the note, the candies, the shinigamis, the KEIKAKUs, but without the substance or the style (Even the genre) that make the original first half so great.

#Death Note #light yagami #ryuzaki #L #Kira #netfix

[sleepymarmot]

MEA liveblog #7

Spoilers!

Multiplayer

This interface is a mess. I move my mouse onto "exit lobby" and it turns into "kick player". Buttons just jump around and transform all the time.

And the APEX mission shit needs to be fixed. When you select a mission to play, don't direct me to lobbies who play the same enemy/map/difficulty but not as the mission! Join lobby, see "custom", exit lobby, select "custom game", re-select mission, join, end up in the same lobby, rinse, repeat...

At least I can end up second when I join on wave 5 as a human vanguard lol

F Human Vanguard card!

Tempest

Non-custom weapons of different rank shouldn't exist as separate items in the inventory! Unlocking a higher rank should upgrade the old item like in ME3! This stupid inventory system exists solely because of crafting! If you need inventory limits so much, let them apply only to the crafted items! I've already complained about rewards being lost with no warning if the inventory is full and it's still bullshit! 

I crafted the N7 chestpiece! 25% shield on kill (of course), 5% damage resistance, 2% shield restoration, 2% health&shield regen speed, 2% max shield. I called it "N7 Slayer X". And turns out, it was dad's armor...

Oh right, it needs a new color scheme!

Havarl

I like this ex-STG, he's talking properly.

I don't like the sound effect from Annihilation -- it's like water in my ears!

Hey Peebs, how do you immediately know where the next piece is as soon as we pick the current one?

Kadara

Here's the bar fight. Animation is not bad but has no energy.

Told the asari dancer that I'm done here and she needs to talk to the dude herself, but the quest still sends me back to him -_-

Tempest

So, Kesh was adopted?

Okay, Kalinda is 100% Marjolaine. Peebee's personal storyline is even more copy-pasted from Leliana than Drack's is copypasted from Wrex.

Aya

So many sidequests again!

The Moshae's words about the definition of victory! That's the smartest thing I've heard in this game in hours.

It's really weird to hear her talk so sweetly to me... When we first met she didn’t seem to like me.

When Vetra said people were staring at her, I couldn't resist suggesting they're just all in love...

I suggested taking people who sold their Aya slots onto the Nexus. That's not even charity -- the same ambassador gave me a task to convince angara to come there anyway! So this would kill two birds with one stone.

For the visitor who wanted contact with his family, I had to reload. The options didn't even seem too different... Got it right for the other two: gave an honest professional answer about health issues, and a confident casual answer about finding work.

Great, now I have to head back into the city to buy stuff... This is literally a fetch quest lol

Eos

Omg, the Architect is in orbit now!

The Roekaar fight in an old settlement was very chaotic and fun with Flamethrower/ED/Lance, though it'd probably be easier to just charge

Tempest

Aaaand Jaal gives me his loyalty mission. It's funny that I'm going to do my own love interest's mission last...

Jaal's LM

I continue to be unimpressed with the Roekaar being pure antagonists. :/

Didn't shoot the guy, told Jaal he was badass.

Why are loyalty missions so short?

BTW Ryder just looks wrong in N7 armor... She's not Shepard, that's not her allegiance or her story.

Tempest

Jaal, just as we're leaving Havarl you decided to invite me for a visit down there?

Turian ark

Avitus has very stylish armor

For fuck's sake, Bioware, why do you hate gay men so much?

I convinced Avitus to take the mantle. It was a very sentimental decision for Ryder -- because her situation is very similar. Her SAM and the connection he had with her father are unique, but she didn't think of that in that moment.

Nexus

"Better to find your wings as you fly" Easy for you to say, Sarissa, your predecessor wasn't a loved one

Tempest

I'd agree with Peebee about relationship and baggage, but of course I felt obligated to take the romantic option

(I don’t think there’s an option to agree with her, though, so it’s only for the best)

Voeld

Liam, Vetra, don't fight!

Whoops, sorry for leaving you to die in the purification field, Vetra

...I liked the old color scheme better. Green light looks more alien, but less pretty.

Nexus

Final memory -- here we go!

My theory was that the Archon was somehow Ellen, but that made so little sense I didn't even write it down :D This is simpler.

BTW there's finally Shepard's gender we had to select in the beginning -- in translated subtitles :D Didn't hear it even once in the audio -- could it be Bioware actually took their foreign audience into consideration? :O

Honestly, it's weird that the Reapers info is so secret... From the OT I got the impression that Shepard was yelling about it to everyone at every opportunity...

Fine, fine, you made me emotional with Liara's message.

Shit, I was expecting this decision...

I feel pretty sad now. That's all?

Peebee's LM

Oh, so that's why she lives in an escape pod :D I thought this was only a characterization thing, not a Chekhov's gun!

I said I wasn't mad, though I was a bit. But I mean Ryder *is* mad but also having the time of her life so...

Shit I just shot Kalinda instinctively lmao

Ok I replayed the entire sequence and Idk. This is really the hardest choice in the game...

I'm tempted to say "Yes, literally" :D

Since it's so hard to reaload, it's fair game to watch videos before deciding for myself. Okay, "Yes, literally" is way too harsh.

Alright, this Ryder is not going to make Peebee sad, but I've already planned a Renegade-ish playthrough with a Ryder who values knowledge over everything, so... :D

(Btw, I love that MEA's brand of a more ruthless protagonist is not "uncontrollable brute" but "intellectual snob". As tedious as this game is, I'm already super eager to play character who has those values & takes urgency of tasks seriously.)

This mission is enjoyable and the choice feels maybe the most meaningful... But it has all the classic Mass Effect problems. Kalinda sends a shitload of people to murder us, we murder them, but when she's helpless and we have a finger on the trigger all of that suddenly doesn't matter. Sidonis all over again. Sure, murdering people begging for help is bad in a lot of ways, but she did just try to kill us, a lot of times... Plus, why the fuck can't Ryder jump over and catch the Remnant thing?! That needed to be a second, Paragon interrupt after the Renegade "shoot her." And Ryder is a goddamn biotic, as is Peebee, as is Kalinda! Peebee, Pull is your first goddamn skill! It'd actually be completely plausible if the artifact had shields and/or armor and therefore immune to Pull or Singularity -- but not giving the characters even an idea to try is just stupid!

Tempest

Inviting Peebee to live with together made me revisit my room and inspired me to make some changes. You know what, I'm going to play music in my quarters and change into the short-sleeved pajamas. It's my own ship, why do I walk around it in street clothes? The jacket is stylish but too much to wear at home. I wish we had a "formal" outift for Nexus/Aya/other hubs in addition to the "casual" clothes we wear on the ship.

Shit I went to read someone's post about Peebee's LM and caught a spoilers about the romance post-LM

Addison is right, getting pregnant in that situation was irresponsible

Ah the continuity in this game. "Found more outposts"? I have every possible outpost and all planets at 100%!

"On hold: Place an outpost" bitch where

Voeld

What, there's still a cold hazard?! What was the point of the vault, then?!

Whoa, so the angara believe exaltation not just kills their people but destroys their immortal souls? Wow! That should have been said by a major character during the main story, not by an easily missed NPC!

Oh great, I died and the game refuses to load the last autosave

Dear game. Why did you create four autosaves for the same second. All glitched. Half hour of gameplay lost... God please let the last manual save work. I was sure I saved in between, but just now my PC decided that we still have daylight savings clock change when we do not, and the timestamps on all recent saves are messed up. This especially sucks because I'm trying to rush Peebee's romance because I don't know when the sex scene comes up but I want to make sure it's not when my mom is home while I play it on her PC lol

Tempest

Fuck, that was cute! And Peebee did tackle Ryder, as promised! :D I wonder what she says through Zap in the platonic version...

Addison please don't say the baby screams "like a banshee". I fucking jumped.

"Before you say anything: no PDAs" :D

Level 50! Time to craft myself a powerful new Dhan. I've been running with rank three all this time...

I love that whenever you ask about Kalinda and then return to the general dialogue tree you say "Let's talk about something else" and Peebee responds "YES. Please."

Voeld

Alright, so: the kett leaders are dissatisfied with the Archon because he hasn't reported to them recently, the communication with the kett homeworld(?) might be disrupted in general and the Scourge might be to blame.

Tempest

Damn, SAM has a pretty insightful speech about death! The only thing that can't be rationalized after experiencing it, which is why it fascinates. I actually haven't heard it explained this way before.

My movie night quest hasn't progressed since I brought Jaal his device...

Eos

Ryder watching and playing football with two giant guns floating near her hips... omg

Elaaden/Kadara

What? I'm completely confused by all these identical salarians.

I don't understand this choice. He promises to give us the intel if we let him go... what proof do we have besides his word? And how would arresting him stop us from getting intel from his computer etc?

Reloaded to see both options, chose to arrest him

Havarl

I'm not hugging Jaal's mother wtf

Ryder has surprisingly good facial animation when Jaal shows his mementos

In theory Ryder should like Jaal for being such a nerd but the only thing he makes me feel is mild irritation. His interest in "taking things apart" is an informed quality just like his supposed emotional openness. It's not reflected in his dialogue or storyline at all.

And now I'm finished with all quests in the ally category. I wanted to finish the game asap, but now that we know the patch is coming on Thursday, I'll wait for it.

Multiplayer

Extracted from Silver for the first time as Human Vanguard (level 8, rank IV)! It was against Remnant, so Observers and Destroyers were the only problem. Nullifiers are ridiculously easy for a melee character -- like Ravagers, but without acid.

Got Krogan Vanguard from a pack. Will I have to tolerate the Rage overlay?

The first game with Kroguard was going well, he's got a stong melee even though he's slow... and then wave 6/upload/Kett killed us all :(

Completely unrelated to anything, but I just realized that if you pick the romantic option in the escape pod with Peebee, they don't actually have sex. Call me stupid because that's what Peebee's initial condition is, but I thought Ryder's response changed her mind! When Ryder said "Let's not rush things" I interpreted and meant it in the emotional sense, as "It'd be dishonest to hide that I have a crush on you, but you don't owe me anything, and if you don't ready for a Serious Relationship and Grand Romance yet that's fine because I'm not either, so let's just hook up and leave reflection for later" -- which I thought was pretty sweet and interesting? Because this whole relationship to me was built on the fascinating contrast between Peebee's emotional reservations and casual/flirty attitude, and conversely, on Ryder very consciously respecting Peebee's emotional space. Maybe I just fundamentally don't understand sex and romance lmao. But if character A propositions character B, character B says they have feelings for character A, and the scene promptly fades to black, I assume they do the do because that's how these things are filmed? Only in comparison with the other option, which is actually pretty explicit, it became obvious to me that's not what the director meant. I'm pretty disappointed because I thought it was a good subversion of Jack's "either sex or romance" thing in ME2. And it messes with my headcanon/characterization... I guess I'll have to retcon it into one of the two options. I'll probably go with casual, not romantic in that case. But I just read that Peebee will tell you she's glad you said no, so... :/

Multiplayer

Failed a Silver APEX mission agains the Remnant as a human vanguard :(

Got an asari sentinel!

The patch is here, but I can't launch the game now :( This needs some work.

Ugh, I stop playing for two days and have no motivation to pick the game up again...

#mass effect #mea spoilers #blah blah blah

[victorian-creepshow]

Finished Andromeda today. 

Pros:

Like I already said, the combat’s fun. Still not sure that the profile system was necessary, but I can understand some people enjoying it.

The main story was pretty good. I like how the Ryder twins worked together at the end, that was pretty cool. I just kinda wish we would have gotten a little more interaction with our twin. 

The worlds/scenery are v pretty. Voeld and Kadara are my favorite. Elaaden made me think of Borderlands. Part of me was expecting to find a Handsome Jack billboard somewhere rofl

I really like how they included more of those special friendly bonding moments with squadmates, whether you’re romancing them or not. V nice touch pls give us more of this in the future

Peebee and Drack ended up being my favs and I’ve never been a Krogan or Asari lover lmao. I mean, there wasn’t anyone on the squad I outright hated, but them two... definitely my homies.

Loved the little pathfinder cool kids gang that happened. I want to see more of them all. I’d love for them to all go on a mission together, pathfinders only no squares allowed

Kesh. Kesh is a positive all on her own. Love her. Vorn too. I like that they showed more variety in personalities within all the species. Krogan scientist 4tw

Kudos for ethnic diversity this time. They actually look like what they’re supposed to be! And it doesn’t look weird!

I never felt that overwhelming feeling of Hinterlands 2.0 on any of the maps. I’m not really interested in exploration, and I didn’t find any of the worlds too ridiculously huge like I thought they might be. Though they were all huge compared to Inquisition’s. It makes sense though, since they were clearly made to be used with the Nomad. If not for that, I think I would have been gritting my teeth trying to get from one side of the map to the other

More than two nice looking hairstyles for men, even if they were all a little bland.

Liked the color wheel on clothes, although I would have given it up in a heartbeat in favor of better physical feature customizations

Cons:

 At certain times the writing felt a little rushed to me.

There were still too many pointless quests, Bioware. chiiiiiiiiiill

Should I even bother to say it? I can hear the boos already. No imma say it anyway. DEAL. Some of the facial animations were nightmare fuel aight. Even for Bioware. Be real. I’m still clutching my rosary. But then some expressions felt much more natural than in previous games, too. I feel like they could easily build on that and refine it without too much hassle if given more time. Some walking and running animations felt a little less stiff than before, at least to me.

I’m still irritated at the CC. It’s pathetic, and using Alec as the reason it ‘has to be that way’ is ridiculous and cheap. That feeling of playing a pre-established character never went away and I was never able to fully connect with Ryder because of it. It took away from my enjoyment of the story. That, combined with the fact that it seemed like there were less dialog options this time around. And sometimes those dialog options seemed... bizarrely inappropriate to the situation. That’s nothing new, and sometimes it is just a matter of opinion, but ehh.

I fucking hate that fucking Sudoku wannabe decryption bullshit minigame oh my godddd. They can DIE. FOREVER. Ok this isn’t a legitimate complaint since technically you could skip most if you had a key thing, and I’m sure plenty of people out there enjoyed that hell. I’ve never had the patience for complex puzzles. Why couldn’t we just stick to matching lines of code like in ME2? cries  

The Kett story was a little predictable imo. And the Archon, I expected more out of him. As in, I was kinda hoping he’d be the sort of antagonist that you could empathize with. That maybe his motivations were less black and white than a certain other I AM A GOOOODDDDDD MWAHAHA bioware villain. 

Bugs. Buuuuugs everywhere. I couldn’t settle Elaaden because of a bug that prevented me from completing the mission. I had to replay several parts including a portion of the final mission. One time I lost about five hours of play. It was bad. Though, recalling what Inquisition was like on it’s initial release... it wasn’t completely unexpected.

Still doing that thing with Asari I see. Lmao. Like, I love Peebee, but I pulled a muscle rolling my eyes at the fact that I can’t be friendly to her without her trying to grab my junk. A whole new galaxy and we still hypersexualizing all the blue not-lady ladies. Nice. Can you imagine the meltdown hets would have if Gil had a cutscene that involved him rubbing up on Scott unprovoked? And the only reject option is along the lines of “Eheh.... well... I’m sorry, but I just... c-can’t... please don’t be mad your undeniable sex appeal isn’t working today...”

There was a very minor trans character, a side lesbian character, one gay/bi alien who’s love is dead, one bisexual human male and one possibly??? gay?? human male. The bisexual male is better written than the ONE other m/m romance, and one can only assume it was only given decent treatment because it’s also a potential fem!Ryder romance. Gil’s endgame if not romanced is to have a child with a woman? Lol. Also never explicitly states he’s only interested in men even when rejecting fem!Ryder. I could just sum all this up by saying “do better” but from where I’m sitting, this specific group of writers and developers aren’t interested in hearing it. So I’ll just say, fail. Fucking fail. No gold star for effort. If you want credit for being so ~*~progressive~*~, do the work. And for god’s sake, don’t treat it like someone twisted your arm to include it.

All in all, it was a fun game. I may play the DLCs if/when they come out. The main game doesn’t have a whole lot of replay value imo though, at least not for me. 

The problematic writing everyone foresaw going in turned out to be well-founded, and no, there is nothing here that would even begin to make up for it. They could do better if they wanted to. They’re aware of the issues. This was their chance to fix that and all they proved was that they really don’t care. Simple as that. So yep, I’m still extremely disappointed in that respect.

On that note, let’s not dwell on it. At least we all know what to expect now. On to what really matters... DA4~ And if they fuck that up, there will be hell to pay. 

#mass effect andromeda #mea spoilers #bioware critical

[thelasthundredmiles]

August 14th, 1972

[continued]

Now, my dialogue is going something like this--

Little Larry: I have never, never received an abstract non-functional I Ching-- they have always guided me correctly. Such as the Tuesday that the money didn't come-- it was revealed to me-- Difficulty-- and I used the forewarning to get me through a couple of hard days.

Big Larry: Gawdayum-- this is the epitome of rational, self-aware decision making. Letting a superstitious book decide things for you. You know that you want to go out-- and you also know that there is no reason at all to assume that anything horrible is going to happen. Christ-- this annoys the fuck out of me.

Hey, think about it-- you'd have a pretty good time-- It's been a very long time since you've been out-- or God knows since you've gone out drinking. You used to enjoy drinking quite a bit. Why I remember after work at Army Times you used to walk by Capitol Hill and have a few beers at the Plus One-- Remember-- Bars are fun too-- and this is probably a gay bar too. You've never been to one in New York-- and it looked very nice when you passed it Sunday-- I mean, it didn't look like a dive or anything-- And this guy looked very together.

Little Larry: Together, but definitely not a freak.

Big Larry: Oh for Gawdes sake! Come on-- he had very long hair and looked very freaky

Little Larry: I don't want to go-- bars are so fucked up-- I don't dig drinking at all

Big Larry: Shit-- drinking's fun. It's been a long time since you've been high drinking.

Little Larry: A drink is not a high-- I don't like to drink.

Big Larry: Shit! The only reason that you're not going is because of that book! How superstitious can you get-- You'd probably just have a blast-- fun for a change. God you bore me-- you never want to have any fun-- you won't let yourself have any fun-- and what about this guy-- he's probably sitting there right now waiting for you-- what ethical code justifies that sort of thing-- And besides! Remember him on the street-- intriguing-- good vibes...

Little Larry: For me to go would be a direct and unpardonable insult to the I Ching-- it would make a complete mockery of all the use I have had of it. As if I were using it not for insight and instruction but for insincere divertisement entertainment not to be taken seriously--

Big Larry: I want to go out! I want to get dressed up and dolled up and go there and have a few beers (I won't get drunk, I promise) and maybe flirt a bit-- get to go home to someone's apartment-- have some nice sex. There is nothing wrong with that!

Little Larry: Well I don't want to go out and I have no intention of leaving this fucking room! I thought we were beyond that sort of contrived manipulated enjoyment--

Big Larry: Oh God what a fucking bore you are (mockingly) "I thought we were beyond that sort of thing." Well, honey, where's my crucifix and my hair shirt-- God you are so fucked up! You are the part of me that is continually dragging a little cross about-- always trying to get solace from something-- Just like the I Ching-- you are using it as a substitute for rational decision making-- Through it you are able to feed your fantasies of "The Superior Man" working out his destiny-- correctly-- you see-- that's the fly in the soup-- correctly-- you don't want to sin, you want to live your life correctly-- you have only substituted philosophy and mysticism for religion-- you're still clamoring for salvation-- trembling at the thought of punishment-- Oh my-- look at all the pitfalls and snarls of life-- look at how wicked and evil the world is-- how shall I ever, ever manage to survive without sin--

You're still sweating along-- trying to walk the straight and narrow-- the neurotic Christian sleeping with a rosary and a copy of Variety magazine under your pillow--

Don't you see that this entire morality trip is a cop out for handling your own affairs-- it's shifting the responsibility of your actions from yourself to a code of morals, a book, a religion, a doctrine, a philosophy-- That way you don't have to respond but your system, your religion has an automatic response.

Little Larry: I can see your point quite clearly, but what about the I Ching? Does this mean then I have to dump it-- ignore it?

Big Larry: Well, I don't know-- I just don't see how you can go on using it the way you have.

Little Larry: But I believe in it-- I believe that it has oracular power of foresight-- I believe that it contains powerful practical guidance relevant to daily living--

Big Larry: You also used to believe that you were in touch with a great source of powerful intercession by saying the rosary-- what about that now?

Little Larry: I don't know, I don't know about that now.

Big Larry: The issue really then is what is religion-- get your shit together-- Your mind is a jumbled closet of compulsive half-ideas and unthought-out responses. Define. Define.

#thelasthundredmiles #journal #diary #dear diary #I ching #religion #spirtuality #mind #universe #dialogue #writing #short story #vintage #1970s #1972 #gay #gay guy #LGBT #LGBTQ #queer