#im not using the main tags im so fucking embarrassed
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if Transformers, then One 🔥🤟
#art#im not using the main tags im so fucking embarrassed#the caption is a joke. i saw a blue checkmark on twt say if mario then bros and it made laugh#i wish i could describe how insane i feel about the upcoming movie even tho there's NOTHING to go insane about#screams and rips my hair and explodes into a million pieces#to be fair it also was an exercise to see how accurately i could match the logo's colors without using the color picker#[coping] [coping] [coping] [coping] [coping] [coping so hard] [coping] [copium] [coping] [coping]
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once ir reached 3am im gna plsay ml
#everybody is half asleep every time i play matches on ml at that time and its fuking hilaruosu#even me too cuz the enemy cld be right in front of me and ill miss all of my skills like What (rlyl happened and i was embarrassed cuz that#was quite litrly a free kill)#uehm ill try playing tank ig (very Ew unless its esme my queen<3)#i have tigreals special skin but ugghugurhg i wanna play pretty girls!!!!#only dude im allowing myself to play is nolan n cyclops and THATS IT#my nolan skills have degraded terribly tho i used to be so good at him when he first realessed#but he started getting banned every match and overtime i just forgot how to use him</3#+ i prefer to play more sustain junglers now like esme cuz id rather last long in a clash than die w just 1 wrong move#thats why im esme's Biggest Fangirl Ever (real)<3333#but i fucking hate playig as the jungler so thats that ig#I MISS MY MARKSMAN ROOTS but at the same time playing mid is saur fun#i need to sharpen up my luo yi skills cuz i wan buy oracle of sol skin w the promo dias#actually idk how promo dias work#like can u buy any skin or will there be like options to choose from idk#but either way i want to buy oracle of sol soooo bad just bc it looks so pretty#halloween lylia is alr but..... oracle of sol fx...... :(#oh help im looking thru my heores rn and i literally forgot that i have novaria#why did i even buy her bro im so shit at aiming my skills (see: first few tags)#same way i want to play selena but i know that aiming my skills i sjust . not it for me HWKJFGH#ermmemrm for marksman i doubt ill be going back to being a mm main any time soon#and if i hav to play mm in a match ill pick ixia anyway butttt i rlly rlly wanna learn how to play karrie#cuz the pro karrie players i get matched w are literally so scary liek i Cannot farm properly . they alwys zone me out!!!!#and its scary cuz once i get out of my tower she'll fucking punish me for that and i die !!!#one day one day#oooh also beatrix i wanna learn but just looking at her plethora of guns has my eyes confused#so sadge but uhhh i also rlly kinda wanna play melissa but it just seems that shes rlly rlly squishy#like she just has that kill them before they kill u kind of strat and most of the time it works but#i literally get like 20 heart attacks when i see my hp drop below 50% and i usually fumble my skills after that hhaaha#uhm anwyay i think i rambled elong enough her
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tagged by: @emo-mmy !!! hi!!! running around in circles around you thank you for the taggg
im. putting this under a readmore because i realized i like talk so much and then i got embarrassed because this is so long and silly and i go on a billion tangents. tagging games fun though !!!
last song:
covering my face with my sleeve paws i may be silly. lately i am getting into vkei bc beloved people in my life are like "you would like it!!!" and i DO !!! this specific song is actually a cover of the op of the 80s rose of versailles anime which like is in itself a whole other fun thing to talk about because of its like influence but like OK its a good somg. its a good cover. lareine is no longer together but like the members have gone on to do other stuff !!!!
favorite color: pink and blue !! i am indecisive and it swaps... but i like those the most
currently watching: sara z's video on dear evan hansen!! for some reason. my yt algorithm is like all musical theatre videos. or episodes of kitchen nightmares. i don't even think i'm all that into theatre but i like listening to people who know more tear into it
last movie: i was like in agony trying to remember what the last movie i watched was and then i remembered. its twilight. it was twilight. im on a vampire kick right now it seems (but also it was like at a friends house and i was only half watching because they brought their pet rabbit out to hang out with us and i was playing with it the whole time and it was BITING ME !!!!) (but also i was like locked in for the baseball scene. the best scene in all of cinema.)
sweet/spicy/savory: cruel i cannot choose one... trapped between sweet and savory because while i love spicy things i cannot handle them ...... i feel like i like sweet things sliiightly more but. hmhm. like when you eat too many sweet things you end up wanting something savory yknow .....
relationship status: single ........... there is an obvious reason why i think you can tell from my posting (its that im annoying and do not shut the fuck up .........)
current obsession: unfortunately the vampire book series i have been like talking about so much, silver under nightfall and its sequel court of wanderers !! i am thinking of what i wouldve done differently in the sequel fkskfksf (also coming to the horrid realization that they were like setting up pegging but i dont think my guys ever got pegged. whats the point. truly. heres my editors notes. why didnt the main character get pegged? like theres so many things that were set up and mentioned and that didnt come to fruition and thats not my only critique its not JUST about pegging. but the lack of pegging is like representative of many of the issues i have with the book. why didnt he get pegged. they bring it up MULTIPLE times and yet we never saw the strap. they describe it in universe as being "shafted" and YEAH i certainly feel shafted !!! i need answers!!!!!!!! im OPENING my googledocs and writing the fic where he gets pegged !!!!!) this will like pass in a couple days im sure. i think. i hope
um also my fun game blorbos i think. yah
last thing i googled: "pin feathers" like the kind that birds have !! i dont remember the context anymore but they're like. developing feathers on a bird and sometimes they have BLOOD in them and then they are called blood feathers isnt that cool... i wish i was a bird
tagging: not tagging anyone in particular because i'm nervous about tagging people fksjkf BUT if you see this and you wanna do it please pretend like i am !!! tagging you !!! do these !!!!!!!! im tagging you in spirit if you want to do these. tagging you with. my mind. yipee
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belonging.
jean kirstein x gender neutral! reader (they/them pronouns used)
academic frenemies to lovers, modern au
how was he so good at everything? how did he manage all of it? how did he make you feel like this? how did he see you?
warnings : strained parental relationships, highschool angst, academic pressure, mild eren yeager slander.
a/n : holy shit this turned out longer than i intended it to. making a part two but it might take a while cause i have exams (how perfect) coming up soon :'). anyway, i hope you like this one, kinda self projected alot jdkwjfls im okay i was listening to mitski and hozier while writing this can u tell
tagging : @chuusposts , @a10vely-yutazen (sorry for the late tag!)
• main masterlist is pinned! • taglist is open! • fic playlist •
“the test wasn’t that hard, you know?” you say, completely aware that you were being petty, but god it felt good to be better than him at something.
“I never said it was hard,” he mutters under his breath.
“you submitted it late.” You reply snarkily, seeing his ears heat up in embarrassment.
“whatever, we’ll see how the grades are. Don’t you have anyone else to annoy?” he asks, and you know you’ve won by the way he says ‘whatever’ with the roll of his eyes.
The way he always did when he didn’t have a point to make.
You smiled slightly, pettily, but satisfied. You knew you did well.
You walked to your next lecture after collecting your books, yawning in the process. God, you needed some well deserved sleep. Maybe even watch a movie or two consecutively. But you couldn’t. you felt like you had a target on your back if you took even the slightest bit of a break, or had even the slightest bit of a social life. It didn’t make sense how Jean had both, all from what it looked like, and was still doing good in school. Good enough to compete with you, that was.
Hey, atleast you were doing better than last year.
You took a seat near the window, not paying attention to the way Jean was looking at you while entering the classroom.
It baffled you. how was he able to manage having it all? popularity, no matter how much of a social construct it was, people who loved him, and good looks? you couldn’t even deny it. He had almost everyone in Shingeki High wrapped around one of his knobby fingers that lent you a pencil last year. You didn’t blame them, he was the reason the school won almost every year, the reason everyone who lost hope during the game found their strength again to play. He was the one who persuaded Marco Bodt to rejoin the team. Marco Bodt, too, was like him, just less in the spotlight. He didn’t like the spotlight, you realised.
You didn’t blame him. it wasn’t like you didn’t want attention, but it seemed like the moment you had it, you got anxious, palms sweaty, breath heavy, the whole nine yards.
You didn’t notice Jean slipping his backpack next to your seat until your teacher started teaching the new topic.
You did notice, however, how he kept glancing at you. was there something on your face?
You rubbed your nose, then your cheeks. You adjusted your hair, too, just in case. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with your appearance. Maybe Kirstein had a staring problem. He used to stare at Mikasa a lot, too, before she got hitched with Yeager. A true tragedy in Shingeki High.
You tried to pay attention to whatever Mr. Smith was teaching, but considering the fact that you got almost no sleep last night studying for the test, and the fact that Jean was now shamelessly staring at either you or something out the window, you couldn’t.
You could catch up though. You’d already read the chapter he was currently prefacing.
“alright, class, I know you will be dreading this, but I will be giving everyone a group project,” Mr. Smith’s voice boomed, as the class erupted in low chatter. Everyone turned to the people they knew, but your face remained motionless.
You wanted this to be over with. You wanted, no, needed a fucking break.
Bet your brother didn’t need a fucking break, your mind whispers.
“I will be assigning everyone their partners.” Mr. Smith spoke up. everyone groaned, as jean’s head turned towards you again.
You joined the collective groan, as you turned to the boy sitting next to you. “why the fuck do you keep staring at me, kirstein?” you ask in a harsh whisper.
Jean shrugs, “you seem tired.”
What?
He noticed?
More importantly, he cared?
You tried not to show how flustered it made you feel. Big deal, he did the bare minimum. Besides, it was obvious you were tired, it wasn’t like you were trying to actively hide it. At least, you weren’t anymore.
“well, I am. a little. I just need sleep.” You mutter, and you know he heard it, but he continues to look at you with… pity? pride?
no. resolve.
His brows furrowed, his jaw locked, his hands resting on the table. you had seen that look before, while he was taking tests. The same face he made while he was at practice and you were under a tree, drawing the scenery before you.
You shivered slightly. Because of the wind form the window. Yeah, the wind.
Jean turns his head to the board again, as mr. smith names pairs of students to do the project together. You didn’t know what jean was going to do, but you knew he would do it. Jean Kirstein, a man of his word.
“yeah. You need sleep, it shows.”
Ah, yes. Jean Kirstein, an honest man.
You rolled your eyes.
“jean kirstein and (y/f/n).” you heard, snapping you out of whatever daze you were in.
Fucking amazing.
Jean turns to you again, and you can almost hear the smirk in his voice as you will yourself to not look at his pretty face. “goodie. Can't wait to do everything by myself.”
The bell rings, and you pack up whatever you had laying around.
“be my fucking guest.” You say to him as you walk away.
He, of course, follows. “what, you want me to take credit for it? Would that look good on your report, (l/n)?”
"my report would still better than yours after it, so.” You snap back. You really were not in the mood for this. “when do you want to meet up for the project?” you ask, “will after school today work for you?”
You hated to admit it, but this was probably the only “break” you’d get. Your parents only ever let you go out if it was for studying, and even that was rare, since they claimed they didn’t trust anyone in your school enough to let you go off with them.
But jean, however, had seen your parents. He had managed to charm them, even, at your middle school’s science fair, with his big words and sources and incredible topic. If you told your parents you were with the boy that got second place in the competition, they would maybe allow you to take some time in the café, away from them.
jean winced, “cant do today, sweetheart. Got practice. Tomorrow, though? Does that work for you?” he asks. You weren’t sure if he was trying to get you flustered or mad because of the nickname, but nevertheless, you were both.
“yeah, im free tomorrow. Have fun at practice. Don’t trip and fall on those untied shoelaces.” You say, glancing at his feet, speed walking away before he could reply.
You turned around only a bit, seeing him check his shoes, marco bodt standing behind him and looking at him confused.
You turned ahead and allowed a small smirk.
--
You tried your best to not focus on your mother’s words, you really did. But by god it was harder to do that by the second.
“you know, when I was small, younger than you, people would see my art and want to copy it,” she boasted, holding your sketchbook. “I was really good.”
“well I guess I inherited it from you then, huh?” you ask, deciding to humour her, the edge in your voice was sharp enough to cut paper.
“you still have a long way to go.” She says.
She gets up from her place on your bed, leaving a dip in your mattress. “anyway, what fruit should I cut up for you? and don't ask for watermelon, the season for that has passed.”
“im not hungry. I had coffee.” You say, turning back to your homework as you hear her say something about how coffee will shorten your life span while walking away.
You glanced out the window and sighed. The clouds were pretty grey today, and you wondered if it was going to rain. You wondered if you should go out for a run if the gloomy weather subsided. Maybe if your brother was up for it, you could take his car and go to the pizza place a block away late at night.
The pizza was pretty crappy, but it was the only time your brother and you ever held a conversation. Whether it was about your school, his college, some show you were watching, anything.
You were glad you both put your differences aside after you turned 14. He was the only one who ever made you feel seen with parents who made you feel like you didn’t exist for majority of your childhood.
It was nice. You hoped he wasn’t in one of his crappy moods tonight.
A notification rang from your phone. Assuming it was just a spam number, you went back to writing the essay you had to write for English, legs shaking under your table.
Another notification.
You ignored it once again.
Your phone vibrated twice, indicating that you were getting a call this time.
Finally snapping out of your focus, you turned to your phone to see the words ‘jean kirstein physics’ calling you.
Oh, yeah. You forgot you had his number since the last time you were paired up with him.
You picked up, rolling your chair far enough for you to lean back and stretch your legs.
“hello?” you spoke into your speaker.
“hey, practice got cancelled ‘cause it looks like it’ll rain. Do you wanna hang out?” he asks, and you can hear soft music playing in the background.
You shrug . “yeah, sure. Also, we wont be ‘hanging out’, Kirstein, we need to work.”
You can hear his smirk again. he never tries hiding it, atleast not when he’s speaking to you with that cocky tone. “whatever you say, sweetheart. Come on, get ready. im out your door.”
Your eyes widen as you roll towards your window, seeing his car infront of your room. “how the fuck?”
You can see him wave through the window of his car. He’s leaning forward slightly, his hand resting on the steering wheel as he waves with its, his phone in the other hand. He’s smiling.
“I know your address from last time, babe. Come on, I don’t have all day.”
You roll your eyes as you flip him off through your window. “ill be down in ten. Oh, say hi to my mom before you pick me up. she’ll think im using you as an excuse.”
“oh? You’ve used me as an excuse?”
“no, dumbass, I don’t need to. She’ll think I am, though. Also I think she likes you. or, she tolerates you more than Ash, anyway. Something about their hair makes her bitchy.” You check your door to make sure its closed.
You hear him laugh. A swarm of butterflies make their home in your belly. You slip a small smile of your own. “okay, then. I’ll say hi. be downstairs quick, though.”
“yeah, yeah, whatever.”
True to his word, jean kirstein does knock on the door to let her know he’s the one picking you up. your mom doesn’t complain as you slip your shoes on, which you assume is a good thing.
You save him just in time, though, as your mom smothers him with questions youre sure he hasn’t thought about yet. His face and shoulders relax when you tell him you should leave.
“bye, ma. Be back by 9.” You say.
“8 o clock! No more!” you hear her shout as you close the door.
“well that went better than I thought it would.” You tell jean, who has a hand on his heart, eyes still wide.
His neck snaps towards you, and you try not to laugh at his expression. He continues to walk towards his car as you trail behind him.
“well? That’s well for you? jeez, I felt like I’d have a heart attack with all the questions,” he exclaims. You put a hand on his shoulder, feeling him relax under your slight touch.
“you’ll live.”
He opens your passenger door for you to slip in. you thank him quietly, letting yourself get comfortable in his car. His cologne was even more present in his car, and a poloroid of him and his friends hung from a string from his rearview mirror. The flash was bright, and you recognized most of them. Jean had his arms around sasha braus and connie springer, as armin alert squatted infront of them, sporting a bright smile of his own. Behind the trio was marco bodt, smiling, ofcourse. You doubted you had ever seen him not smiling and you wondered how he didn’t get tired. mikasa was next to armin, squatting and laughing at eren yeager, who tried to squat but was falling down as the picture was being taken. On armin’s left was annie leonheart, with her hands in her hoodie pockets, a slight smile playing on her lips. rare of her to do, but not unusual when she was with armin.
You hadn’t talked to armin well in about a year. The last time you had talked to him was the winter formal as a sophmore, where you both agreed you’d be better of as friends anyway.
He didn't reply to your texts much after that.
Jean slipped into his seat, buckling himself in.
He hands you his phone. Taking it, you look at him questioningly. He cracks his neck, running a hand through his hair as he speaks, “play whatever music you’d like.”
Surprised he’d trust you with the greatest honour of letting you pick music, you played a song you knew he’d like, hoping he hadn’t listened to it already. The music flowed through the car as did the cool air from the ac.
“where are we heading?” you ask as jean starts driving. His left hand, the one he has doodles on, grips the steering wheel while he drives, as his right one rests on the gear, his fingers thrumming against it to the beat of the song.
“do you remember that café from last time? There.”
You take a moment to sit in stunned silence. Jean didn’t seem to realise that you were basking in a new feeling.
He remembered?
It wasn’t a surprise that you remembered, considering that their coffees were one of the most expensive yet the best tasting coffees you had ever had. You remembered him paying for you. maybe that’s why he remembered? there was nothing memorable about the last time you got paired up with him, if you thought about it. You genuinely thought he had forgotten about the place.
But as it turned out, he did not forget.
“oh. The one with the expen-“
“expensive coffee you really liked? Yeah. Honestly, theyre more of milkshakes than coffee, but to each to their own, I guess.” He says, glancing at you before taking a turn.
“of course you wouldn’t appreciate the good coffee,” you say, crossing your arms in front of your chest, “which ones do you like, anyway? Black coffee to be pretentious and feel grown up?"
“hey, black coffee is good!” he exclaims.
“predictable,” you mutter under your breath, knowing he had heard you anyway.
He shakes his head, gaze still locked on the road. “I don’t really like their coffee. I can stand their cheesecake though. And hey, if anyone’s pretentious here, its you. youre the one who likes their coffees” he says, arguing childishly. In his defence, you were technically enabling it.
A smile plays on your lips, “its not like go there all the time! Only for a treat.”
“a treat? So, like, everyday?”
“haven’t been there since three months, actually. And the last time I did go, like a couple weeks ago, they were closed.” You defended yourself.
You saw jean’s lips quirk up as he shook his head. “today is a treat then? With me?”
“don’t flatter yourself.”
“admit it, sweetheart. You think im a treat.”
“I do not. Youre the one who insists on paying for my drink. You don’t have to put on the gentleman act for someone who is going to accomplish much more than you.” you say, not really meaning your words. He knew, of course, he knew what you meant. He side eyes you and the previous butterflies seemed to have multiplied.
“im not acting like a gentleman. If you want the whole package then ask me out for dinner first, then we’ll see. And fine, if you wanna pay so bad-“
“I never said that-“
“then you can. Be my guest, waste your money.”
Your bickering went back and forth, and you realised how much you credited jean for his conversation skills. If this was ash, or even your brother, they’d be sick of your constant petty jabs, but jean wasn’t.
Another thing about jean kirstein that you found yourself mentally noting : he pushed you to be… better? You didn’t know if the bickering counted as being better, but academically speaking, he was the top of the list when it came to you pushing yourself to be the best you could be.
The one time you felt seen was when you were with him. Ash would always talk over you, and you liked that about them, you really did. but was it so bad for you to want to be heard? Just for a bit? Even if it was only for a while, even if it was only about studying, you liked jean to be the one you were competing with.
And as much as you hated to admit it, you also liked being partnered up with him. it was like a superpower you had discovered while being paired up with him the last time. You realised how much you could accomplish when you were with him. like he was your driving force, in a way.
The last time you had been paired up with him, he had introduced you to almost everyone in his friend group. You didn’t get particularly close to any of them, but you were glad to be a part of their little group anyway. Ash, connie’s… crush? Friend with benefit? They hadn’t put a label on it, but you could tell that Ash was glad you were coming out of your shell as well.
That was until winter formal, before armin said you two should be friends after being the one who asked you to go with him in the first place. you weren’t mad at him, per say. You knew who he was, and what he was was a good friend. you didn’t expect him to officially ask you out, anyway, so it was all water under the bridge.
After he started to distance himself from you, you did the same for him. he needed his space, and you respected that. you didn't know how that translated to you distancing yourself from the rest of the group, but somehow, you did. The only person you sort of kept in touch with after that was jean, and even that was only rarely. You and him never went out of each other’s ways to make plans, hangout, or even text after that. Yet, whenever you talked to him, you felt like you were on cloud nine.
Which was dangerous. Jean had… a reputation. He was pretty, it was obvious. He was smart, and he was good at soccer, and practically everything else anyone could ever be perfect in. after mikasa and eren finally started dating, he started dating, too. some people here and there, you heard Ash tell you about his new partner almost every two months. He wasn’t a heartbreaker, though. He was always respectful about his relationships, but it still felt forced. Like people were only dating him because they saw him being perfect all the time. like people saw himself as how they wanted to and not who he really was.
You remembered him telling you about it once, before the winter formal. He told you about how he felt the need to be perfect because if he wasn’t, people wouldn’t like him. more importantly, he felt like people should like him, because for the longest time people hadn’t . the moment he started to achieve things was the moment he was noticed, if not loved. the moment he started showing himself, even if wasn't the version he wanted, he was praised. He didn’t want to lose that.
You remembered hugging him after that. He hadn’t cried, but his eyes were glistening as you sat on someone’s bed at someone’s party. You patted his back, rubbing circles there, as he kept his hand on your thigh.
You wondered if you were the reason your friendship with him changed. You wondered if your brother moving away for MIT was the reason you started not caring about how people viewed you and more about how your grades would look.
You wondered if jean would… like you if you had persisted and stuck with him when he started to distance himself.
“y/n?” jean calls out to you, as you snap out of your thoughts drowning you.
“hm?”
“we’re here, dumbass. We’ve been here since two minutes. Where’s your mind?” he asks, flicking your forehead. He does it gently though, to not hurt you.
You shake your head. “nowhere important.” You unbuckle your seatbelt, stepping out of the car, as jean follows behind.
--
Jean ended up paying for your drink before you could stop him.
You didn’t complain this time, mainly because you were too focused on your textbook and the way jean’s shoulder was brushing yours.
It irritated you, of course. Stupid jean’s stupid warmth, stupid perfume, stupid stubble. He’d grown so much since sophmore year, you almost didn’t recognize him. he grew out the aforementioned stubble a little, only a little, and you could almost tell that he spent the entire summer growing it out. His previously short and choppy hair grew out floppy and sometimes fluffy hair that, in your and everyone else's opinions, suited him. you had heard him talking to Marco about getting a mullet in the future. as someone with common sense and eyes, you didn't deny how good he looked, with or without the mullet.
And as someone with common sense, you also didn’t tell him just how pretty he was. You were sure he knew already, with his smug face and almost everyone lining up for a night with him. it didn’t help that he had a good personality, too. it would’ve been so much easier to act like you hated him if he was actually a terrible person.
But no, he was a good person, and you were reminded of that fact when jean passed you a tissue after you devoured your milkshake-esque coffee, and offering you a piece of his cheesecake.
After a good three hours of studying the topic and coming up with things to put in your project, jean stretches his arms up, letting out a yawn in the process. His shirt rode up a bit, as you averted your gaze and focused on packing up your books and pens.
It was almost 8 pm, and you were surprised your parents hadn’t called you home yet. Did they really trust jean that much? Or was the text you sent to your brother enough to lay them off for a while?
You stood up letting out a breath, trying to even out your breathing. Maybe they did trust jean to let you stay so late. They wouldn’t be mad at you for studying with someone, right? And if they asked, you could show them the notes. Nothing to be stressed about. Then why was your heart beating so hard?
Jean placed a hand on your shoulder. “let me take that,” he says, pulling the bag from your arms.
You were too tired to complain, as you followed him to his car like a lost puppy.
The ride home was also peaceful. No bickering, no discussions, no questions. You guessed jean was tired, too. the song you picked out for him played softly as you reached home.
You unbuckled your seatbelt, collecting your bag and phone. Before you could push the door open, however, jean grabbed your wrist, making your head turn towards him.
The headlights of his car reflected on the inside, making his brown eyes glow a slight yellow from the side. his noes and eyelashes created beautiful shadows on his face. “are you sure youre okay?” he asks in a low voice, almost whispering. “you know that im…. im here for you, right? We’re friends.” He says.
Your heat beats faster. You swallow, feeling a lump forming in your throat. He said you were friends. Like the casual type that you’d call up at random times to tell them about your day, like the ones that went to grab coffee together, the ones that invited eachother to parties and introduced all of your other friends to.
Its not like Ash wasn’t your friend. right? Just because they were hanging out with connie a bit more didn’t mean they were completely ditching you right?
God, were his words really enough to make you feel seen?
You shrugged. “of course I’m okay.” Leaving it at that. You didn’t tell him about how much your mother’s words from earlier had hurt you, or how much you wanted to feel included in something. It was embarrassing. And coming from jean? Even more so. How had he noticed? Didn’t he stop talking to you after the formal? Wasn’t he the one who only talked to your for your notes?
Wasn’t he also the one to lend you a pencil a good four months after said formal? Wasn’t he also the one who asked how your test went, starting a conversation between you two after almost five months of almost nothing except waves from across the hallway?
Again, why was this affecting you more than it should have?
He was looking at you, concerned and not convinced. “I just need some sleep.” You clarified, hoping that will make whatever was going on in his mind stop.
His hand left your wrist and you immediately missed the warmth he provided. He sighed, blinking. “well….if you ever need anything, im only a text away, alright?”
He smiles. And not in the typical, smug, I-want-to-look-good smile, but the soft, gentle smile. The corner of his eyes crinkled, his eyebrows and shoulders relaxed. He looked like him again, like the night he thanked you for holding him after his rant at the party, like the day you and him went out for coffee without telling your parents, like the day he invited you to a party and introduced you to all his other friends, like the day he had called you to tell you about his surprisingly good day.
You gave him the same smile you returned to him all the previous times.
“I know.” You whisper.
You didn’t want to leave. You desperately wanted nothing more than to stay here, basking in his cologne and smile and warmth for the rest of your days. You could rot here and flowers could bloom from your skeleton and still be content.
But by the time you could do any of that, you had already gotten up from your seat, turning to shut the door.
Jean was looking at you then, when you crouched down, meeting his eyes again. he was looking at you the same way he was when you drank that milkshake coffee in under two minutes. “im here for you too, jean. Don’t forget that.” You say, smiling. You turn and close the door before he can answer.
Before entering your house, however, you turn around.
He’s looking at you, smile still present, one hand stretched on the steering wheel as the other waved at you.
you waved back.
---
it was almost 1 am when you got the notification.
Jeankirstenoutoften sent you their story.
Stretching your legs from under your desk, you slump onto your bed, phone in hand. When you open the message, you see a story with a picture of you drinking the coffee, and another picture of you leaning down and writing in your notebook, with an emoji of a daisy on the side of the story along with your username tagged next to it.
The song was the same youd made him listen to in the car, which surprised you, to say the least. You didn’t know he would pay attention to your choice of songs, or even care, and the fact that he remembered to add that made yet another swarm of butterflies fill up in your belly.
You liked the story, adding it to your own with a green heart emoji, knowing jean’s favourite colour like the back of your hand.
Jean instantly messaged you after that.
Jean k.:
Why are you awake??
Why r YOU awaje, kirstein
Jean k.:
Cuz I wasn’t the one complaining about being tired, sweet heart
Also you have to get up at what
7? Tomorrow?
Your brows furrowed.
How fo uou know that?
Okay yes I a m tred but that doesn’t mean
that
I’ll actally skeep
Sleepig is fir looserd
Jean k.:
Jesus
Maybe you should sleep
The amount of typos youre making
It givbed charafter
Mayve you shuiuld look iy up
He was right. You were tired and sleepy, but you werent about to prove him right. He didn’t know you as much as he thought he did.
Jean k.:
Are you just trying to prove a point?
Well, shit.
Dint u habe practive tonroow?
Tonroow.
Yes I do
That’s besides the point
HYPOCRUSY
Ojg maybr we shoukd nap un ur car
Im not bringing my car tomorrow sweetheart
If you wanna sleep with me that bad
just ask
I dubt wabt to skeep with yu
I wabt to NAP wuth u.
they r complwtely diffebrbet
"diffebrbet" wasn't even close to different
Y/n
Please sleep
NI
Do u tgink beyobce skept
…
Beyonce?
Are you asking me if beyonce slept??
Youre proving my point you need to sleep
Wgats ur fac fkower
Why does that matter rn?????
Ander tge dan qyestion
Fine
Tulips.
Is this twenty questions?
Is it my turn omg
Whats ur fav time to sleep?
…
Sweetheart?
y/n?
replied to themself
Whats ur fav time to sleep?
question answered
its now.
Sleep well, y/n :)
See u 'tonroow'.
Jean smiled. He quickly turned off his phone, putting it to charge after making sure he turned his alarm on for tomorrow.
Tonroow.
Maybe he shouldve stopping smiling so wide only because of a couple stupid messages from you, but he couldn’t.
Didn’t you get the hint? Didn’t you know that he only called you sweetheart? That he would never treat everyone else like how he treated you?
Maybe he was putting you on a pedastal, but in his eyes, its where you belonged. On a pedastal, with your sparkling eyes and pretty smile and sarcastic remarks. Maybe it was the way the chapstick you wore accentuated the smike, maybe it was your signatue earrings that moved slightly evertime you nodded that added to your.... yourself.
He wished he hadnt stopped talking to you. he knew what was happening to him, he knew what he was feeling and he was scared. So, like the idiot he was, he decided to push his affections elsewhere. Mikasa Ackerman never looked at him. not in the way he wanted her to, atleast. Mikasa Ackerman was an unattainable goddess, only having eyes for one person, who seemed to be reciprocating her feelings, even if he was below her level. Then again, so would Jean be if she ever were to glance his way. But he didn’t stop his “crush” from foring on her. It was better than it forming on you, someone also unattainable, but in a completely different way. You and him had been…acquiantances if not frienemies since what felt like forever. He couldn’t risk ruining that.
Even if he went ahead and ruined it anyway. He started ignoring you, slowly distancing himself after the formal, never once asking if you were okay after that. Never once asking what you were up to. Soon enough, you grew apart to the time inmiddle school, where the only words spoken between the two of you were insincere insults along with continous bickering, surface level jabs as if you didn’t see him almost break down in the room while a party raged on downstairs. As if you werent his close friend, as if you werent the only one who really saw him at one point.
He missed you. painfully so. He knew why he did it in the first place. he regretted everything about it, but he also didn’t do anything to stop it. He was…okay, right? Without you? life was better, he had gotten closer to marco, been accepted by this big group of friends who he knew cared deeply for him.
But he missed you. his group of friends werent you. they didn’t have the warmth you so openly offered to him without hesitation. They were amazing, really, but they didn’t hold him the way you did. they didn’t make his skin shiver the way you did, they didn’t make his car feel like the safest haven on earth with music playing softly, they didn’t smile like you did, they didn’t…. they werent you.
So, he did what he should've done in the first place. he had no intention of starting the project today, with the sumbission date being more than enough for him to cram in a week and still get a good grade on it.
But he wanted to see you. the real you, not the one you kept hidden in school. The person he saw sitting by the window, knees shaking, dark circles prominent under your eyes. He knew you knew he was staring, but he didn’t stop. You were sitting right next to him and yet you seemed so far.
Guilt swallowed him up whole along with regret. he was going to make an effort. He promised himself right then and there that he’d grow closer to you again, regardless of the fact that his too-strong feelings for you never really faded away, regardless of how scary said feelings were, he was going to try.
His forearm relaxed on his forehead as he closed his eyes.
And you looked so pretty today, the glow of his headlights illuminating the side of your face as you crouched to his eye level to tell him that you cared, that you’d listen to him if he ever needed it and oh, he needed it. He needed you. even if all the two of you did today was study and get work done, it was one of the most….full day he had. He felt full, content, and even if the table stretched in silence for most of the time, he felt like he wasn’t hidden.
He fell asleep feeling happier than he had since when he was crushing on mikasa.
--
Maybe he shouldve slept sooner. His eyes felt like they were on fire, the burn only calming when he closed them by blinking.
Connie passed him a cold red bull, noticing his tired state. Jean thanked him silently as he chugged half of it in one go, ignoring the stin that came with the cool liquid.
“did you not sleep like….at all last night?” eren asks, wiping the sweat off of his forehead. his front bangs stick to his forehead despite the cool weather. Coach ackerman had gone easy on the training today, and that was saying a lot. jean still felt like his bones were breaking.
“I did sleep. Got a late night that’s all.” Jean says. Despite eren and jean’s obvious dislike for eachother, they still considered the other a friend. they could be civil sometimes, when they felt like it. Which was rarely, but it still counted.
Pulling out his phone, he checks his phone.
3 unread messages from (y/n) <3
FUCK I FELL ASLEEP
This proves nothing.
Im still winning.
Jean smiles, opening your texts.
Uh huh. Keep that imagination going.
Is debate club over yet? I saw a couple of
the students hanging around the field.
Yeah I just finished
Got done early today for some reason
Same
Wanna come here so we can walk together?
My mom made omletes
I think she packed an extra one if youre hungry
Oh
Ur mom’s omletes do sound rlly good rn
Only if theres extra tho
Im pretty sure there is
she always packs more than I need
Although that was true, jean had specifically asked er to pack one more today, one for him, one extra, and one for you.
I'll be down in two :)
Drink water, kirstein, not just redbull
Jean smiles slightly, chugging the rest of his red bull.
“whats gotten you so smiley?” reiner asked as he ruffled his hair.
“is it (y/n)?” marco follows up with his own question, and jean feels like digging a hole and burrying himself in it right then and there.
“oh, (y/n)? I havent seen them around since sophmore year.” Eren says.
Jean shrugs while uncapping his water bottle. “yes, its (y/n). theyre coming down here right now.”
reiners brows furrowed. “you guys are talking again?”
jean hated the way he said it. He hated that everyone he knew also knew about how close you and him used to be at one point, however brief.
Yet, jean maintains his uncaring exterior, and shrugs. “never really stopped talking,” he lies.
Marco shoots him a knowing look as jean drinks his water, pretending to not notice it.
“talking about your grades doesn't count, horseface.” Eren says, getting up before jean could react.
He sees mikasa waiting for eren near the field, the latter greeting her by grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles. Jean didn’t feel the jealousy he wouldve felt three months ago, he simply observed without the familiar feeling of subtle rage and sadness crawling up his heart.
One by one, everyone left to do god knows what, until only him and marco were left. They were sitting on the grass, jean’s body resting on his eblows with marco copying his stance.
“do you still like them?” marco blurts out.
If it was anyone else, jean would've denied any feelings towards you. that was the only thing he was probably jealous of armin for; the fact that the blonde was a far more convincing liar then jeabever could be.
Jean sighed, glancing at his phone, screen now blackened. “I think so. I don’t think my feelings ever….went away if that makes sense. Like, I hoped they would go away but they didn’t and now I just feel…”
“like a dick?” marco finishes with a small smirk.
Marco bodt was known in the school for his good looks and even better personality. He was kind, but not in the pushover way. he knew all the right things to say to someone under any circumstance. Jean was pretty sure that the only person who saw him crumble once was jean himself, when he reassured marco that hed do well in the match despite his then recent injuries.
But what everyone didn’t see was how…smug marco could be. He could be witty when he wanted, and his teasing would almost combat the one jean faced by you, too. it was in the good way, of course, and jean was glad marco felt comfortable enough with him to be open with him. jean would be caught dead voicing his affections, though, just like he would be if he ever gathered the courage to tell you about how he’d been pining you since before you and armin ever met.
Jean purses his lips, trying not to show his friend that he was right. Jean was sure he knew, though. Marco, somehow, like you, always knew. “yeah. Like a dick.”
“well, its good youre trying to patch things up with them now. Better late then never, yeah?” marco says as he gets up, wiping off the dirt on his hands. “see you in class. Have fun with y/n” marco winks, and jean catches the innuendo.
“its not like that!” jean shouts behind him, watching his back shake with laughs. Jean hopes his blush isnt too prominent for you to notice when you greet him.
Which you do, after another minute of him waiting on the grass.
“did you drink water? Your face is red.” You say, sitting down next to him, slipping your bag fro your shoulders.
“and how is water supposed to help with a red face?”
You shrug, tucking a strand of hair behind you ear. “water solves 99% of your problems.”
“will it make you less annoying?”
“it wont, but it’ll probably help you dance, maybe.”
Jean blushes even more. “oh my god, that was a year ago.”
You snicker. “but youre still terrible at it. Im pretty sure my toes are still bruised with the amount of times you stepped on them.”
“that’s not even possible, and also, you werent that good, either.”
“sure, jean-bo.”
“don’t call me that!” his blush was still on his face, now darkening furiously. You chuckle, which makes his heart skip a beat.
“lets just eat that damn omlete, yeah?”
--
#gender neutral reader#og#mine#self insert#jean kirstein x reader#jean kirschstein x reader#jean kirstein#aot#jean kirstein x you#connie springer#sasha braus#armin arlert#marco bodt#jean kirschtien#snk
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Lotsa thoughts in the house tonight
Should i make a separate blog for stuckpiece? I don’t think talking about it on duck(verb) or here is really appropriate since no one cares about it anyway
Can someone please teach me how to put picture on ao3??? And how do ppl do the cool formatting stuffs???
I think i have a lot of bots followers on this main blog so it pushes the number wayyyy too high. Block or no? Tbh it’s too much to bother by now
Cool one piece artists why are you following me?!?!?!? Specially this main blog?!?!? I offer nothing of value besides reblogs and only draws indulgent buggy and crossovers that no one cares for anyway you are making me self conscious please
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE’S A COCKROACH HALF A METER AWAY FROM ME AS I TYPE THIS FFUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK
FUCK RAINY WEATHERS FUCK STORMS FUCK COCKROACHES PLEASE YOU DON’T SEE ME MOVE ALONG PLEASE
Ok calm *Calm* i think it’s stationary
Should i post in vnmese? I won’t have anything better to say but at least swearing would be more satisfying eh. Would serve to make my blog even less approachable i believe
Planned to do so many things in this semester break. Ended up w executive dysfunction and doing nothing. Still want to draw, write down stuckpiece, pick up italian again, finish 2 books i borrowed from the library,... no where with anything yet
Sometimes i feel like me being overenthusiastic is pretty cringe maybe. Im always too eager to chat and answers questions for one piece newbies honestly i just want to make some friends. But i think i’m so cringe.
Maybe i’m not and it’s just a depressive episode from this fucked weather and loneliness. I can’t really talk to my friends about much due to difference in interests and one of them is spiraling in depression that I cannot help and it honestly makes me depressed too every time it came up
If i do an art trade with another artist, do we both post our pieces up and tag the other? Is there a consensus or assumed understanding to post or no? I approached the other artist a bit too abruptly and now I’m embarrassed to ask about posting since it feels like i’m asking to use their name for attention, since for real I wasn’t and was just excited for art motivation. It has been a week and I haven’t post it, would posting/asking permission to post now be too weird?
Should go to sleep now it’s late
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new intro (wip on making it cute)
hello this is my nsfw 18+ blog, you may have seen other posts of mine because i migrated from a sideblog to a main blog so i can block people directly. the old blog is @catboy-catboy-backup
holy fuck put your age in your bio or ill block you :l
pls read entire thing before referencing my partners!!
21
they/he + masc terms (puppyboy, boytoy, bf)
dating @cagedcryptid and @princesswisteria, im the polycules designated sub but we're all switchy/flexible in positioning
we're all physically disabled
obnoxious and autistic /pos
t4t
demi-sexual gender fucked and queer
im a switch verse who usually tops, only really sub and bottom for my princess + boyfriend
you can call me puppy, pup, or dog
pls i love asks!! and dms!! send me sexual stuff!! we want to build relationships but you CANNOT be weird about it also NO UNSOLICITED PICTURES. PLS ASK FIRST. thanks :3
yes:
monster fucking, edge and denial, oral fixation, teasing, overstimulation, bondage, exhibitionism, begging, praise, embarrassment, biting, scratching, breeding with pregnancy, light somno, impact, spanking, stimmimg, choking, pinning, probably so many more
NO:
cnc, anal, piss, scat, ageplay, detrans, misgendering, breath, guns,
i might reblog things w the word c*nt but pls don't directly refer to my body or my partners' bodies w the word thanks!!
tbd:
blood/knives, hard impact, masochism
this is a queer blog. its not meant for cishets, but as long as yall are Normal you can stay. T4T ALWAYS ‼️ ageless, blank, and minors DNI. you will be blocked. i block liberally.
more info under the cut!
flashing images/blinkies under the cut!
#boytoy thoughts -> stuff i wrote
#monster nsft -> anything monster fucking related
#this puppy bites -> anything biting or dog related
#both ways -> id like to do it and also have it done to me
#image -> anything with an image or video
#creature -> monster fucker specific art and pictures
everything else should for the most part be tagged accordingly but lmk if i gotta change anything
i use they/it, and have a clit/tdick/cock, pussy/hole, and tits/chest
princess uses he/him but femme titles, and doesnt want his body referenced
my boyfriend uses they/he and does not want his body referenced at all actually
my discord server is now up! its for kinky transgender autistic disabled folks! we have about 35 members rn, but only a small handful are active
the bot is coded for 21+ but if youre 18-20 dm me we can try and figure something out 😌
dm / comment / ask for the link! it keeps expiring
#intro#bio#t4t nsft#nsft wlw#catboy speaks#boytoy thoughts#<- so you can click on it and see everything with that tag#this puppy bites
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hi lol
i'm hui (he/they if u need it but i don't rlly care what u use) and i talk about obey me here
when i remember to i tag my writing with #writing and misc stupid posts with #saying things and analysis/whatever about canon with #about canon
this is a sideblog so i can't follow back from here and im too embarrassed to say my main blog so. pls know that i see you
TERFS AND ZIONISTS YOU ARE NOT FUCKING WELCOME
enjoy ur stay otherwise
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I posted 1,823 times in 2022
313 posts created (17%)
1,510 posts reblogged (83%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@reputation
@fiddlepickdouglas
@tolerateit
@blush-and-books
@ace-with--a-mace
I tagged 1,291 of my posts in 2022
Only 29% of my posts had no tags
#stranger things - 301 posts
#jopper - 167 posts
#all of us are dead - 74 posts
#stranger things spoilers - 68 posts
#halsey - 57 posts
#pride and prejudice - 48 posts
#jatp - 43 posts
#taylor swift - 38 posts
#steve harrington - 35 posts
#house of anubis - 35 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#if a queer man did it to other men then they would be called predatory. even if a queer woman did it to other woman. why is this different.
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I actually cannot fucking believe that we got a Joyce tending to Hopper's injuries scene, a sexually charged changing clothes scene, not one but two kissing scenes, Joyce SAVING HOPPER from a demo dog, the family reunion, literally this is what fanfiction is made of
648 notes - Posted July 1, 2022
#4
something i haven't seen mentioned about the Baymax + Sofia episode (and the final episode about finding Baymax) is the way they depict Sofia's ability to talk about her period!! When her best friend Ali, who I believe identifies as a guy, comes to check on her in the bathroom, instead of her blushing and freaking out and being like "it's girl stuff you wouldn't understand!!" - which is an incorrect and very Disney channel response - she's like "dude I have my PERIOD I am IN PAIN and there is stuff COMING OUT OF ME" and he is like "whoa dude I'm sorry but also cool!! I remember when my sister got hers!!" And then she brings her period up to Hiro later when she meets him!! And it's like yeah this is how friendships should be and how periods should be talked about and treated in our day to day lives without shame or embarrassment
713 notes - Posted June 30, 2022
#3
i love taking uquizzes because the results are like. i am in love with you. you worry you're going to die alone. you're a badass confident bitch. will people remember your name when you're gone? do you have a legacy? you have no idea who you are. you are a god. your head is in the clouds and your life has no sense of direction. start letting people in. you're so hot
1,769 notes - Posted April 5, 2022
#2
thank god for lupita nyongo for having a genuine reaction to the thing between will smith and chris rock because i was convinced it was a joke but her reaction was tooooo much. im in debt to you babe
1,840 notes - Posted March 28, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
it is extraordinarily terrifying that a main reason listed on the scotus roe v wade opinion to explain why it's been overturned is simply just "the constitution has no mention of abortion." if this is their reasoning for every decision they are going to make, then all of us are in danger.
11,108 notes - Posted June 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#false#Rip jatp how the mighty have fallen
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im so FUCKING stupid and i accidentally forgot to add tags and i deleted the anon request this fic was inspired from so i will paste it here
“Could you please write one about having a team night round Rossi's but you and Spencer had had an argument before so it was tense between the pair of you so you try and flirt with one of the out of town agents to try and get his attention?”
𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧- 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐮!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 you and Spencer don’t usually get along due to your constant battles to prove who was better. But some unplanned events arise when the two of you are paired in a case.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 enemies to lovers type beat, nerdy reader just like spence), typical criminal minds themes; murder, blood, gore, cocky and stubborn ready, slightly heated actions and implications, flirty rando, jealous spencer
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 4.6k
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 i always take requests to another limit. i get a little carried away oops. i don’t think this is exactly what you were asking for but this is where mi mind took me😁
𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
It had come to no one's attention that you and Spencer had gotten into yet another argument. The BAU team was currently hunting down a murderer that was attacking teenagers in the college campus of UOC in the city of Chicago, and all that Reid seemed to be doing these past few days was getting on your nerves.
Wether it was searching the crime scene, analyzing the possible behavioral patterns of the UnSub, or setting down a profile, you and Reid were always spitting at eachother about something irrelevant, but always desperate to beat eachother with whoever could piss the other off more. It had always been a competition between the two of you.
Spencer had this aggravatingly, annoying need to prove he was always so much smarter than everyone else, using a wide variety of big intellectual words just to show off. He, on the other hand, truly couldn't stand how you'd always butt into every conversation you deemed necessary attempting to seem smarter just to get yourself on top of a case. Your ego had been Spencer's main problem across these past few months, but it was slowly driving him off the wall and he found that with each passing day, he was finding it harder to work with you.
Initially, when you joined the BAU, it was never your intention to brawl so much with a colleague, much less Spencer, who seemed like the least of a 'threat'. Hell, the most intimidating and hard to crack would have been Hotch, but during one of your first cases, still figuring out where you stood at in the team's divisions, he had purposely embarrased you in front of the everyone, correcting you and making you look like some sort of idiot. You had been so embarrassed, feeling your insides pool with anger as you questioned why he felt the necessity to correct you so publicly, in front of people you still didn't know.
It then became a constant competition to prove who was smarter, quicker on their feet or more widely intellectual than the other, always finding ways to one up each other in conversations. You were smart— very smart, and you suspected he saw you as a competition the second you stepped foot into the BAU team.
The rest of the team was sick of the two of you always whining and bickering. It could go from things as small as you leaving a few stacks of files scattered around his desk, messing with his organized personal area, or something as big as vocally getting into fights when out resolving cases.
Yesterday, the two of you got into a fight at the arrival to the city of Chicago. It started with you "accidentally" slamming the taxi door in his face, genuinely not realizing he was exiting the cab through the same side you did. Nevertheless, you weren't going to ignore the side of you that had screamed that it was well deserved. However, later on in the day the two of you had gotten into a heavier argument, since he finally accused you of being unprofessional with your snide comments, which had incredibly pissed you off. You had taken great offense since he was the one who had started everything since the beginning, immediately finding reasons to attack you the minute you got to the BAU.
Since then, none of you had spoken to each other and the rest of the team could feel the tension, even with the new arising day everyone had in front of them.
"So, let's lay it all out," Hotch announced as he rounded the table. "Who's starting?”
You and Spencer both volunteered at the same time. You quickly shot a glare in his direction, which he easily disregarded as he stood from his seat at the table
"So far, we know were looking for a male between the age of 20-25," You cross your arms across your chest and look over at the board, accepting your defeat. Your eyes scanned through the evidence and pictures at hand. While Spencer continued his analysis, hands shoved deep into his pockets, you squinted at the words scribbled onto the case file. "The killer seems to have a target preference given how all four victims have been female college students between the ages of 18-24"
"So, do we know which kind of killer were dealing with here?" Morgan asked, flipping through one the case files in his hands.
"Well, if I'm not mistaken, the last victim was killed with a different method than what we've been observing so far, which could ultimately mean we could be dealing with a disorganized offender—" He firmly stated, turning towards the board, but as your eye caught a part in the file, you were quick to interrupt.
"Actually, you are mistaken," You reached over, grabbing the file in front of you in one quick movement and flipped the page as you stood to your feet. Spencer froze and turned towards you.
"Excuse me?" He asked, clearly unamused at your antics. You briefly looked up at him, catching the way his jaw tensed.
"You're wrong, the killer isn't disorganized," You motioned to the board with your chin. "We're actually dealing with an organized offender."
Morgan glanced over at JJ, quietly cursing to himself knowing that this was probably payback from the fight the two of you had gotten into the day prior.
"Sure, this specific victim wasn't as calculated and precise as the other," You started. "Up until now, the UnSub seemed to be killing all of these girls with long, tedious methods, such as torturing them, which clearly shows us he feels no remorse and actually finds pleassure out of killing them. Organized crimes are premeditated and carefully planned, so that would explain why we found little to no evidence at the scene yesterday and organized criminals, according to the classification scheme, can tell right from wrong—"
"—But our buddy here doesn't care," Morgan finished off, looking up at you. With a nod, you continued
"Precisely. The pattern of our victims also leads us to believe that he's seeaking some sort of revenge on the girls, since they're all from the same background." You pointed to a few post-it notes on the board. "Right here it says that all four girls belonged to the same frat house on campus—"
"Yet our recent victim did not," Spencer butted in with a shurg as he faced you, thinking he had finally one upped you from the opposite side of the board. You took two warning steps towards him, maintaining your composure.
"Well, Dr. Reid, if you read the autopsy report you'd see that the newest victim died from a blunt force to the head," Annoyed was an understatement as to what you were feeling towards him at that precise moment. You eyes narrowed while you managed to keep on the most innocent smile you could. "That means that the attack was out of some unplanned rage, which caused him to lashout and therefore break his regime."
You took one more step to Reid, suddenly dangerously close to him. You were someone who stood very confidently in front of other people, and intimidating Reid had often been your specialty. You loved when he'd get so annoyed at you, his breaths would always suddenly become shallower and his posture would stiffen.
"If you payed more attention to these case files, you'd also see that the newest victims was our previous victims best friend, so there still is a connection just not the one you've been blindly looking for.
With that you slapped the files into his chest and stepped back, looking back over to the board. Spencer gapped at you, opening his mouth before closing almost immediatly. His eyes narrowed as he fumbled with the papers, looking down at them in embarrassment. You felt yourself smile at him in satisfaction at how his movements became sloppy. "I— I would've said that if you let me finish my analysis and let me actually read these papers."
"Or you can just admit you're slow—"
"So!" JJ butted in, quickly cutting off whatever fight was about to implode in-front of them. "Were looking for someone connected in the campus that would somehow want some sort of revenge on these girls? Correct?"
"Yes." You and Spencer stated simultaniously. You let your head fall, annoyance filling every single nerve in your body as he scoffed under his breath and shook his head in disbelief.
"Here's the plan then," Hotch stated firmly. "Tomorrow, Parentiss and I will be incharge of announcing the profile to the Chicago FBI. Morgan and JJ, you two will be incharge of dealing with collecting possible witnesses; anyone at that campus who knows anything that may deem useful."
You stood, arms suddenly fidgeting nervously at your sides. You quickly glanced over at Spencer, only to meet his eyes, which caused you to immediately look away and cross your arms once again.
"Reid, Y/L/N," Hotch said, finally acknowledging the two of you with a steady gaze. "You two will be assigned with a few members of the Chicago police unit and agents to help search building six to see if any evidence was left behind, just protocol checkings, but we need to be sure nothing was left unseen."
You opened and closed your mouth, intending to protest about the pairings. Sure you'd be surrounded by other agents but having to be paired up wiht Reid of all people was something you dreaded more than anything. However, with the intention to remain professional you nodded in agreement. As hard as you found to do so, you waited patiently for other members of the case to start draining the room. Soon, only you, Morgan, JJ, Spencer were left collecting the remaining of your things.
As Morgan was grabbing a few of his things with JJ patiently waiting by his side, you walked up to her with a wide smile. "Hey Jayj, wanna change partners?"
"I am right here." Spencer quipped behind you as he shoved a few files into his satchel angrily.
"And I dont care," You shot back before turning back to Morgan, practically ready to get onto your knees and beg him for sympathy. "Please Morgan, trade with me— I'm begging you."
"If you're going to complain about being paired with Reid none of us wanna hear it," Morgan groaned, dragging a hand across his face and pointing an accusitory finger at you. "The two of you have been yapping at eachother faces since we got here."
"We have not!" You both shouted in unison before angrily turning around to face Spencer and warning him. "Stop doing that!"
"It's always something with the two of you," JJ shook her head in disappointment. "You're lucky you two are the smartest members on the team cause we would've had you seperated months ago,"
JJ finished grabbing her things and glared at the two of you. Morgan grabbed his things as well, before turning to you. "Either you sort out all of this sexual tension you've got going on or you keep your mouths shut and get along!"
"What!?" You gaped, taking aback by Morgan's accusations. "Thats not—We dont—"
You fumbled with your words as your cheeks grew hot. You stammered, trying to hit back with something, but inevitably found your mind blank. You huffed, snatching your bag and rushing towards the exit of the conference room "I hate you."
"No you don't princess." Morgan stated as you walked past him and shoved his arm.
"And you boy genius," Morgan said looking at Spencer and tossed her bag across her shoulder. "That goes for you too, either get laid, or shut up."
With that, they left the room leaving a sputtering and angry Spencer struggling to regain his composure after the absurdity that had left his collegues mouth. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and grabbed his final things, leaving the room in a frenzy.
You pulled the car up to the Campus building entrance. You put the car in park as you umblucked your seatbelt, which Spencer started doing not long after you had, following your suit. The ride had been completely silent, none of you wanted to speak to eachother, worrying that if you did another argument would start.
All he did during the ride was read some of the case files while you intently focused on the road. Your hands gripped tightly at the steering wheel and every once and a while you'd sneak small glances at him— not because you cared or anything, you just wanted to see how much more information he was getting ahead of you with.
The building was secluded off to the public and the entrance was swarmed with countless police officers and agents. As you climbed out of the car, you pulled your glasses onto the top of your head and slammed the door in one swift motion. By the time you got to Spencers side of the door, he was still inside slowly collecting his things, which began to make your blood boil. You waited impatiently for him to climb out with a huff.
For what seemed to feel like forever, he finally opened the car door and started to climb out as you waited impatienly. "You look like you're doing this on purpose."
"Getting out of the car? Yeah, I am actually" He stated, finally stepping out. A snide remark came up your throat but wasn't able to leave your mouth given how Spencer towered over you once he strightened himself out. He had also unintentionally stepped way too close to you for your personal preference, leaving most of your boundaries somewhere else.
You craned your head back just slightly, allowing yourself to look into his eyes. Spencer swallowed thickly, suddenly painfully aware of how close the two of you were before an unfamiliar voice reeled the two of you back to reality. "Dr. Y/L/N?"
You practically jumped, swallowing down the urge to yelp. You stepped away from Spencer, feeling your hands nervously shake before clearing your throat. "Uh yes!—“
"Thats, uhm, me—“ You slipped your glasses off and put it into your bag anxiously. "Dr. Y/L/N."
You turned to the Agent in front of you, who held his hand out with a pearly white smile. You were taken aback, expecting someone not as close to your age range as the man in front of you, and definitely not as attractive as him. He had jet black hair and a small stubble growing across his jaw and chin. His face was surprisingly assymetrical and you had to admit he was easy on the eyes.
"I'm Agent Mirthwood, head of the Chicago police department, Aaron Hotchner specified you'd be here to help with the case," You took his hand and shook it. "Wasnt expecting a doll like you."
Spencer didnt miss the way his eyes raked across your body, taking in every part of you with careful detail. You were wearing a silk black button up, along with a blazer that matched the skirt that hugged your skin tightly. Spencer would have to be blind to ignore how every piece of clothing you had on hugged every one of your curves perfectly. The pair of black heels you went with also made your lean legs stand out and look more attractive to the eyes, so obviously, whoever this guy was, he was going to be staring.
How couldnt he?
You laughed nervously and Spencer, despite his profiler background, couldn't tell if it was becasue you were uncomfrotable or because you enjoyed the attention. Either possibilities made his skin crawl.
"Charming," You said, not really wanting to give him any more material to chew at. "So, mind leading the way?"
"Not at all." He grinned at you before placing his hand on your lower back and guiding you towards the crime scene ahead. Spencer followed behind pathetically, feeling his hands clench and his jaw tighten as he watched his hand linger where it didn't belong.
Once inside the building, you and Spencer looked around your surroundings, checking over a few areas of the marked numbers and rerunning the supposed series of events in your heads. "This is where the first victim tried escaping,"
You and Spencer simultaneously looked over to the glass window that had been merely cracked. "Can't believe how a murder took place and the campus director didn't even close the place down for more than five days."
"Agent Mirthwood, you said that the floor above us was where Anya Colins was murdered, correct?" You asked, looking over at a few scratches on the locker. Spencer stood beside you with his hands shoved into his pocket.
"Call me Ben," He shot back quickly. You momentarily looked very at the young man, before turning back to the locker unamused. "But yes, you're correct."
"Could it be possible that we take a look across the flooring, you know, check inside any of the clases for some clues we may have missed?" You said, lifting your chin and facing Agent Mirthwood. He smiled sweetly at you, which you only returned with a false smile of your own.
"Why I'd be delighted to accompany you and help you look out for whatever it is you're looking for—"
"Actually," Spencer butted in, somewhat protectively if you let yourself assume, given how the tone of his voice had grown territorial. "Hotchner specifically implied we stick together as the pair we were assigned, and we usually work best when just the two of our heads are looking around."
You looked up at Spencer, who now stood beside you, with confusion. You tried understanding why Spencer was jumping at the opportunity to now say you two worked as a team, when all you had been doing was fighting. You looked at how his jaw was clenched tightly and how his shoulders broadened ever so slightly. You noticed he had chosen to stand between you and Agent Mirthwood, and suddenly it dawned you and hit you harder than a ton of bricks.
Spencer Reid was jealous.
Despite the sudden dropping in your stomach and the weird feeling nagging at your chest, you couldn't contain how a smile began to appear onto your face since now you had more strategies to get onto Spencers nerves. Should you probably check and try to read into why he's so suddenly protective and jealous over you when he's only stated to dislike you first? Probably. But that proud part of yourself was screaming at you to use the sudden revelation to your advantage.
"Actually Ben," You dodged Spencer, as you made a B-line for the broad man you had only recently met. You put on the best hopeless look you could, the one you always used to get men right into the corner you needed them in. "I'd actually love having your company. I'm gonna need someone watching over me up there."
Spencer froze, looking back and forth as the amusement in this guys eyes only increased and suddenly— he panicked. Spencer was panicking because he genuinely thought you were going to leave with Agent Mirthwood and he wouldn't be able to watch over any of the conversation. Not only that, but since when had you acted so stupid around other men? You usually took pride in making men stupid. Spencer could comprehend what you were trying to get at. That is until you turned your head and sent a challenging glare at Spencer.
"You wouldn't mind, would you Dr. Reid?"
“I—“ His fists tightened as he stared at you, almost as if he was warning you that you were pushing him close to his limits capacities of not lashing out.
“One of the victims was attacked up there and then dragged herself all the way down here,” You watched in fake amusement. You knew what men loved seeing from a woman, so this was extremely entertaining on your part.
“Seriously?” You added an almost feather like gasp to your words. He knew damn well that you knew what this officer was saying was nothing but false due to how the crime scene was framed.
“Yeah,” Ben took a step closer to you and Spencer couldn't even stop himself when he rushed towards you, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you over to the stairwell that lead to the higher floors of the building. "Sorry, bosses order. The rest of you keep looking around to see if anything looks out of place."
Spencer dragged you all the way up the stairs and into the empty hallway. You struggled to keep up, complaining pretty vocally that your heels were screwing up your rhythm, especially in comparison to his long and hurried strides. You finally dug the palm of your foot into the ground and yanked your arm away.
"What the hell is your deal?" You started, knowing you had him cornered. He turned, pushing his lips into a straight line and looking at you in complete silence.
"What the hell is your deal?" He shot back suddenly, shrugging and gesturing towards you. “You barely know the man and you're willing to walk somewhere with him alone..!”
You scoffed. "Oh please, like coming up here with you is any better."
"You don't run the risk of getting potentially murdered by me." He said, trying to make his point.
"You sure about that?"
Spencer looked at you and something shifted behind his eyes. Your face was furrowed with nothing but pure anger as you huffed widely. Spencer opened his mouth and closed it once again, hesitating whether to say what he was about to.
"You're being unprofessional." He blankly stated. Your mouth fell agape. Screw any intention of getting on his nerve with the fact that he had gotten severely jealous because he did not just call you unprofessional again. You felt about ready to murder him. There was adrenaline coursing through every nerve of your body at this point.
“What did you say?” You almost whispered.
“I said you’re being unprofessional.” He stated nonchalantly. You gaped stay him before tightening your fist and resisting the urge to punch the crap out of that smug look.
“That’s because you’re making it hard for me to work with you.”
“You know what?” You said, before taking one quick stride at him and jabbing a finger into his chest. "You have been nothing but a pain in my ass, and all you’ve done with me is complain. You are being so goddamn inssufferab—"
Spencer quickly grabbed your face in between both his hands and slammed his mouth onto yours. Everything froze right then and there as he pulled away quicker than he had leaned in. Your face still remained cupped gently in his hands while your grip was tight on both his wrists as you stared at him, mouth low in shock. A shaky breath left his mouth, and fear was pooling around in his eyes. You could feel your own chest heaving as you looked back and forth between his eyes, still not grasping what had just happened between the two of you. Spencer towered over your small frame, holding you as if you were the most fragile thing in the room. It felt like there was a rope pulling between the two of you and it was right about to snap. His thumb grazed your bottom lip and you could practically hear the chord snap.
All the anger in you drained your body immediately as you caught yourself pulling him onto your mouth with just as much desperation as he had previously done. Your movements were hurried and frantic, as if both of you were scared that at any point this new found standing point would stop disappear and distance would be put between the two of you. The last thing you wanted was for his body to be any farther away from you than it currently was, and not understanding why you suddenly felt that way, angered you even more.
His mouth hungrily moved against you as his grip on your face tightened. Your hands snaked their way into the back of his soft curls and pulled at them roughly, emitting a groan from his mouth onto yours. Out of all the times you'd provoked a groan from Spencer Reid, this had been your all time favorite.
In frantic movements, Spencer pushed you against the nearest wall, hearing a rough thud come from behind you but never once disconnecting your lips from his. He pushed you hard against the wall and pushed his hips against your in one rash movement, causing you to whimper softly against his lips, which only drove his movements to become more frantic.
His hands traveled anywhere and everywhere you'd let them. They ran down your waist and stopped at your hips giving them a rough squeeze which only caused you to squirm once again and pull at his hair ever rougher.
"Tell me to stop and I will," He muttered across your lips.
"Don't—“ You warned, panting desperately for him to grab your body in ways you could have only dreamt about. You needed to feel his hands rake across your body as if he owed it. “Please, don’t”
Spencer’s heart shuddered as he could visibly hear your hatred filled person begin to crumble. How you were practically begging for this just as much as he had been. How you melted under his touch so effortlessly.
Before Spencer could move any further, a voice cut the two of you off. “Hey guys!”
You pushed Spencer off yourself with a little more urgency than you had initially intended. You ran your hands through your hair frantically and pushed your skirt down, which had accidentally— not so accidentally— been pushed up slightly. Spencer on the other hand, settled with a simple, subtle gesture of grazing the corner of his lip to remove some of the nude pink lipstick that had smudge a bit onto his face.
He cleared his voice before turning to whoever had called out, but before he could say anything you quickly jumped. “Morgan? JJ? What are you doing here?”
Spencer could almost allow himself to smile at the sound of the quiver in your voice and how your body was still distraught by the adrenaline.
Morgan eyed the two of you and it didn’t take any time at all for him to realize what had happened. The shuffled hair, the puffy lips along with all the wrinkled clothes. Not to mention how both of your chests heaved heavily.
“We have an advance on the case but it seems like you two are busy with something…” JJ stated,
looking at Morgan from the side of his eye.
“Or someone,” He added. You tried to find some sort of defense in your favor but came up to none. You didn’t want to even look Spencer in the eye, so you quickly turned and headed for the staircase, when you approached Morgan, he whistled lowly.
“Someone got a piece of genius boy and enjoyed it—“ As you passed him you smacked the back of his head.
“Hey!” He groaned, looking back at you as you strutted down the stairs, barely being able to keep your balance steady.
i am planing on doing a spicy part two😝
#fanfic#fic rec#fiction#love#otp prompts#spencer reid x you#spencer x you#spencer reid fandom#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer x reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spence#spencer#spencer reid#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fic#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#enemies to lovers#enemies to friends trope#best enemies#fanfiction#fandom#criminal minds fandom#criminal minds fanfiction#fluff#angst
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hi! u can call me 404 whatever you want i don't really use names on here. the art in my header is mine (my art insta is @warehamswares) and my icon sculpture is by @blackmonalisa on insta
my main blog is @wormonastringtheory
some facts about me
-i am severely and complexly disabled
-i am high support needs for chronically ill reasons and mid support needs for autism
-i genuinely have 15 fucking specialists. 15. and sadly no they aren't for fucking
-i lose speech a lot but am hyperverbal when i am not experiencing speech loss. my settings are 0 or 100 basically
-g-d min-maxed me for singing, charisma, drawing, creative hobbies, acting and poetry. everything that isn't that is utter dogshit
-i speak in ecolalia (especially of online memes a lot) and don't always make sense to people who don't know me well
-i have so many hobbies, a business and somehow also a job (work from home customer service) and full time school (with many accommodations) so i disappear from the internet very often
-i have a pretty, kind, goofy boyfriend who i am deeply in love with and want to spend my life with as a nesting partner, but i am polyam, not actively looking for partners rn, if it happens it happens but i am focusing on fostering my current relationship well atm. not tagging my bf because this is where i say the stuff about him im too embarrassed to share for how raw and vulnerable it is
-i am very, very mad and cripplepunk
-i am an abolitionist and anarchist
-my hobbies include: zine-making and collecting, archiving, drawing, choral singing and also band singing, attending house shows, dnd, painting, writing, community organizing and event planning, reading and learning about tornadoes, and robotics
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tag guide
tags i use in my posts for organization :) enjoy hell
#biptalk - original posts, probably just random shit and thoughts tho, i'll probably make a special tag if i ever post actually coherent things
#bipoem - occasional poetry. usually freeform
#bipwip - stuff about my wips/writing thats too feral/im too embarrassed to share on main yet
#bipjpn - japanese posts
#rebip - reblogs in general
#bipfix - current fixations/fandom [#bipblorbo - the ones... the guys.... #bipmini - miniatures :o #bipring - pro wrestling, usually njpw]
#bipmuse - cool/funny/cute art that other people made [#bipani - animation]
#bip recs - things i think are cool and you should check out if you think they're cool too, mostly used for little indie games i find
#bipbrain - reblogs where i rambled in the tags, sometimes for entirely too long
#biplive - spam warning for liveblogging anything
#bipstim - spam warning things that scratch my brain in a good way
#bipbag - resources/stuff i want to remember [#bipcart - the same, but for products]
#bip.bout - any reference posts for this blog (eg. this one)
for the mutuals
#radio show 🔮 (radio)
#saiph room 🧪 (saiph)
all biplive tags so far
note: i havent started using all of these yet, but im saving them here so i remember what i want to call them
#octobip traveller - octopath traveller
#the bips of tartarus - hades
#homophobip arc - persona 4
#the legend of bip - legend of zelda (mostly totk right now)
#biprim disasters - skyrim
#starbip valley - stardew valley
#bipitalism dungeons - moonlighter
#fuck this i hate this fuck this game bip - hollow knight
#fuck this game pt. 2 bip - rain world
#god i love bipshit men - the great ace attorney chronicles
literally just for me but you can use them too I GUESS
#bipnote
#[tefl] - translation exercises for later
#art ref
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I’m really glad that you’re doing okay zuzu^^
And thank you for always listening to me rambling lol (even if it’s just about ningguang, my beloved main, lmao).
Another thing, then I swear I’ll leave you alone, I was thinking about you and suddenly the idea of modern au kazuha who works part-time as a florist struck me.
Imagine you barging in his little shop one late afternoon, all frazzled and looking one inch away from madness because you urgently need flowers for a stupid reason such as “I need to insult this person, so how do you say ‘fuck you’ in flower language?” so much that you didn’t even notice the stunned boy holding a vase of lilies half in puzzlement and half in pure amusement. You have the decency to look sheepish, at least, growing more and more embarrassed as the boy (the very attractive boy, but that’s for later notice) gently laughs. He hums in contemplation, a sharp glint in his otherwise kind eyes as he very seriously takes up your request and immediately starts picking colorful flowers and arranging them in a bouquet that’s entirely too pretty for its own purpose. God, you almost wish the pretty boy in front of you dedicated those flowers to you, uncaring of the meaning if it meant receiving flowers from him at all. All too caught up in your own thoughts and in the way his gentle fingers wrap up the bouquet in satin ribbons, you almost fail to notice that he’s done, handing you the fruit of his work (but what you don’t fail to notice, is the tenderness with which he handles those flowers). You thank him profusely, tripping over your own words as you try to look at him in the eyes, he waves you off, mumbling something about how flowers can convey so much more than words ever could and how he’s glad to be of service to you. He proceeds to explain the meaning of every flower he arranged oh so flawlessly: red geraniums for ‘stupidity’, yellow carnations for ‘disappointment’, orange lilies for ‘hatred’, topped by some purple larkspur for ‘haughtiness’, by the end of his explanation, his expression is quilted in amusement and poorly hidden mischief, and you think that he, for once, doesn’t need any flower to say what he wants. But then, before you can leave, he wordlessly hands you one single lavender flower. You look at him expectantly, but he merely raises his eyebrows at you and goes back watering what appear to be petunias. This bitch. And as you leave with your bouquet from the glass door you hear a faint but teasing “you’ll come back, will you?” almost drown out by the sound of the bell attached to the entrance door. As soon as you step out of there, you fumble to get your phone, hastily typing, a google page with the meaning of lavender soon pops up: devotion and distrust. Which one is it? Oh. Guess you’ll really have to come back, won’t you?
Don’t mind me brainrotting lol, all of this cause I wanted to send this lil sketch of florist kazuha lol.
Hope this finds you well zuzu, I really wanted to thank you for your writings, im not really good with thanking with words, so here I am once again in your inbox lol.
-Hecate
i think i should make a tag for ask box pieces because this. this is AMAZING holy fucking shit WAIT BECAUSE HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE TO MAKE US COME BACKSUJSSBJSJDS AND LOOK AT HIS FACE OH MY GOD?? OH MY.GOF
hecate i literally just woke up no more than 15 minuted ago and you have made my entire fucking night, like i'm swooning and itching to write smth like this now ... thank you so so so so much for thinking of me and liking my writings, that's so goddamn sweet and i never know what to say in response, but believe me when i say my gratitude for you runs very VERY deep
now i think i'm gonna stare at this kazuha for a little while and cry because HE'S SO CUTEEKEHJEJSJDSNJDN LOOK AT HIM OH MY GOD
#z box#ARE YALL SEEIN THIS#WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS#THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANYTHING I COULD HAVE WRITTEN#I'M IN LOVE MOM
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game over
pairing: noritoshi kamo + fem!oc
genre: angst
tags//warning: established relationship, wild gojo appeared // blood, character death, emotion distress, mention of shibuya
note: the obligatory trio of mine: not well edited, lowercase intended, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it. note that i put descriptions of the characters i write so it would be easier for me, you’re free to imagine the character the way you seem fits! okay listen imma be honest i dont like this part that much dhhdbdjksncjddiem and im sorry if it sucks bcs istg i cant compete to part 1 and 2 of it so IM SORRY
tagging @unabashednightmarepizza @sassyeahhhh @dok-ja @sukirichi [bold means i cant tag u idky :( lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part]
read the first part | second part | third part | bonus
few years ago;
“you’re fucking ridiculous!”
“you’re injured, how the fuck is it me that’s being unreasonable?”
she contemplated stabbing him straight to his chest. “i’m fine, leave me alone,” she hissed, holding on to her arm as she tried to limp away. second year jujutsu student noritoshi kamo wondered how the hell one could be this stubborn. with blood caked up on the side of her face, lips busted and bruising in the corner, not to mention the broken arm and probably twisted ankle, he could not understand how one could be this reckless and stupid, it’s almost ridiculous.
but here she is standing in front of him.
“you could’ve let me handle it,” he said, coldly.
she never turned that fast in her life; her limping leg suddenly worked fine as she hauled her ass, throwing both fists to his chest. the force put was enough to threw him back a few steps, he caught her wrists holding her from falling down. “stop acting like i’m so fragile. i can exorcist the curse just fine. you make me hate you so much,” she spitted, pure rage etched on her face, “just because i’m a girl, because i’m your girl, i’m weak. please, i am as good as you are, kamo.”
their faces were so close, he could count the freckles spread on her nose and cheeks. he loves her eyes the very first time he caught glimpse of it; one is a dull brown while the other looks like it carries the secret of the bright blue sea. this time, the eyes he loves looked hopeless, lack of the burning spirit she carried with tears threatening to spill. letting go of a wrist, his trembling hand brushed the hair coated with the blood back, carefully not to hurt her. “i never said you are bad,” he clarified, fingers busy brushing the hair back. his sudden reaction surprised her, and her body betrayed her thoughts as she eased in his arms.
he tilted her chin, his head was panicking as he realised that his brain was no longer controlling his movement as he leaned down and kissed her.
she tasted like blood.
she winced, pain aching on the swollen part and he apologized so quietly as he deepened the kiss. “nori-” her voice croaked as she swallowed his moans. he hummed, satisfied by the kiss. their foreheads rest against each other, the tip of their noses touched as they struggled to catch breath.
“stop being stupid. let me help you okay?”
“okay.”
slipping his arm under hers, he helped her walk, leading them out of the abandoned building they managed to exorcist. nothing major, a couple of pestering level three and four curses that them both handled well but their supervisor missed to tell them about the hiding level two curse that took them by surprise. she had become the curse’s main target.
if she would’ve just listened to him and stay close. he sighed.
“ouch, ouch,” she cried, clutching on her left leg, forcing him to stop. impatient, he slipped his hand under her knees, lifting her up in his arms. she apologized profusely, embarrassed to be such a burden to him. he brushed it off immediately.
“did you call them? told them that we are done?”
she gasped, “wait, i thought they’ll wait for us.”
he huffed, “you’re not that important, y/n. give them a call, please. i want to go home.”
kicking the door open, the moonlight shone on them as he carried her down to the bottom stairs. settling her down on the steps, he sat beside her, letting a long sigh. he watched as she took the call, letting them know that she was slightly injured, and they need to go back asap. she was visibly tired, and he was the same too.
he couldn’t help but to sigh at the way the moonlight enveloped her. he had loved her from the very first moment he caught his eyes on her; she caught him staring, called him out publicly and ignored all his advances. it took him a lot to court her. she’s a gojo, she can have anything and everything with the sky is the limit.
but one thing money could never buy is affection.
it started with little stuffs; noritoshi waiting for her with her lunch readied every day. it annoyed her but momo (who was secretly rooting for him) forced her to just do it. “it’s just a lunch,” momo said sheepishly. noritoshi would have them paired all the time for the missions. she’d accepted it with open heart. noritoshi would also teach her how to weld a bow and shoot arrows. she promised that she would go out on date with him if he taught her.
by the end of their first year, they became inseparable.
the idea of being apart from her hurts him physically and mentally. she took a sharp breath when he laced his fingers between her own, quickly telling the other person on the phone that she was okay. “it was just noritoshi,” she replied with a small laugh. their hands fit each other; his skin contrasted her slightly tanned skin. while his hands were rough from welding the bow and he kept his nail short and clean, hers were slightly softer with her nails painted prettily. this month she had her nails painted in pastel. all the girls’ day out with momo and mai had proven its importance. he was happy to provide her with his black card despite her discontent.
“analysing my hands now?”
he smiled slightly, “it looks very pretty. i guess i got my money worth. are they coming?”
she leaned on his shoulder, his own wrapped around her as she closed her eyes, “they are around the corner. i would definitely need another round this week,” she teased. kissing her forehead gently, he didn’t mind that his uniform was stained with her blood; he was glad that she’s safe.
“i’ll happily take you there.”
few years later;
noritoshi kamo almost lost his mind. the stadium was half destroyed, huge craters on the pitch with the sight of his wife nowhere to be found. he looked up to the black pitch curtain encasing the stadium area from the sky, a curse escaped his lips.
“where the fuck are you?” he grunted, scanning the area.
she is gone, his stubborn little wife. she could’ve just wait but annoyed that their dinner date was interrupted and eager because this was their first mission together as a married couple; she escaped his supervision. as they were dealing with minor curses outside, she decided to head on forward, leaving him to deal with whatever is left. he beat himself inside for letting her come, he could easily do this himself and send her home safely, but she blinked her eyes and he was weak. she always has her way with him.
his step stopped when he realised there was a shadow ahead.
“she’s pretty,” the thing said.
his blood ran cold, “what did you do to my wife?”
the curse let out a laugh. it was sinister enough to send chills down his spine. especially when he realised the head it was stepping on was his wife. her eyes were fluttering back and forth, struggling to stay awake. a howl shocked him, shivers down his spine at the painful whimpers her shikigami making. cursed spirits were devouring it alive, overwhelming it and chewing every part of its body. his wife was too weak to dispel the shikigami; it’s dangerous as the devoured wolf shikigami will drain her cursed energy by a second.
all shikigami linked directly to the owner; everything inflected to the wolf, she could feel it too.
he needed a plan.
hidden in his wedding ring was a retractable knife. he rarely carries blood bags anymore as his power solidified itself. the older he got, the better he was at using and controlling a small steady flow of his own blood straight from the tap. with a clap of his hands, the knife cut his hand enough to send blood shooting like bullets. the blood hit the curses straight to its cores, died out instantly on impact, but the shikigami was beyond salvageable. it let out one last howl, one last goodbye before dropping to the ground, half of his snout gone. she will be devastated, it’s her only shikigami she managed to tame at such a young age, but at least it has stopped the shikigami from stripping his wife’s cursed energy to its core.
the fire burning in his eyes only made the curse laughed. he kicked her body away, spurting blood out of her mouth. she was halfway close to death’s doorstep.
“i will fucking murder you,” he hissed.
“my blood is my power. it’s supposed to rot human, stripping its meat from the bone like acid. however,” the curse nudged her body, “your wife didn’t. humour me, did your blood tainted hers? tell me, i’m curious how.”
“are you going to chit chat because i don’t have whole day.” his blood dripped on the pitch.
the curse grinned, shrugging his shoulder. he kneeled, running his bloody fingers on her cheeks leaving trails of flowers pattern that dissipated immediately, “i’m not here to fight. i’m here to serve a warning,” he looked up to the tensed sorcerer, “for gojo satoru. tell him, we’ll be waiting for him in shibuya.” noritoshi’s face scrunched in confusion.
“we have no business with the gojos.”
“but she is. she could change her name, married you, but it doesn’t erase the fact that she carried gojo’s blood in her vein. she’s the bridge to your two clans. i’m just killing two birds with one stone. ruin the kamo clan’s relationship with gojos and hurt gojo satoru. all thanks to her,” the curse turned his back on him, his laugh echoed as he walked away. the dark curtain disappeared slowly as the ground rumbled. a perfect chance for noritoshi to strike if it wasn’t because of the cursed spirit’s words gluing him to his spot, “oh, kamo, i believe a congratulation is overdue. let me know when’s the baby is due, i would love to drop by personally.”
the pillar holding on to the roof collapsed sending wave of dust all over the place. noritoshi covered his face, coughing as he sucked some in, removing his coat as a shield. the cursed spirit was no where to be found.
“the place is going to collapse! i’ll get the curse, you go get her!”
a voice echoed and he caught a glimpse of blond hair running past him and noritoshi didn’t think twice as he sprinted around the cracks and holes. who was that voice or who was the curse, he couldn’t give a single fuck, he just wants his wife back. he was shaking when he got to her, arms immediately scooped her up in his arms. her chest was raising slowly, blood dripping on the side of her lips as she struggled to exhale.
“you’re going to be okay,”
he told her, but he wasn’t sure if he will ever be.
-
“can you turn down the stupid light, it’s hurting my eyes.”
the voice laughed melodiously, the light moved to the other eye repeating the same thing.
“as you can see, she’s awake, slightly weak, but she should be okay.”
another voice interrupted, “are you sure?” she gasped, excited to hear a familiar voice. “nori?” she called out, unable to open her eyes, relying strictly to her hearing as she reached her shaky hands out for him. “her senses might be slightly off, just let her do it herself,” the woman’s voice noted, and she felt annoyed. how dare you underestimate me, her mind scoffed.
“my senses are fine. see?” she claimed as she held noritoshi’s hand up. he smiled, gently rubbing her hand with encouragement. “thanks, shoko, we are fine.”
“i’ll leave you be then. call me if you need anything.”
she listened to the clacking of shoko’s heels, followed by the door opening and slamming shut. she jumped, but he held her hand tighter, reassuring her that it’s alright. “so why can’t i see?” she asked, confident that they are alone now. she felt the bed sunk a little on the left side, “you were high on anesthesia, i’m surprise you could even move your jaw to speak.” she felt a finger brushed her hair aside, breath loomed on her face and she could feel her own face reddening up.
“are you going to kiss me or are you just going to tease me?” his heart swell up, despite her shaky voice almost made him laugh.
“do you trust me?” his hand cupped her cheek gently.
she nodded eagerly, “always.”
“good.”
his kiss hit her like a waft of fresh air. every kiss felt like a first kiss to her that she couldn’t help to react so eagerly to it. his tongue slipped through her defense, overwhelming her taste buds with such strong taste of iron. it didn’t stop her. she knew what he was doing from start. he peeked a little, didn’t stop a second from kissing her as he watched his blood marking appeared on her face. her hands went up around her neck pulling him closer and he obeyed, deepening the kiss.
heal; his mind commanded.
after a while, she pulled back, being the one to break apart from the kiss first, her chest raising up and down as she struggled to catch her breath. her eyes were wide open now, fluttering lazily as she leaned back on the propped-up pillow. he wiped the corner of his lips, eyes on her as he watched the open wound on her face and arms slowly closed leaving the fresh healed red marks behind. he relaxed when he heard a thank you coming from her, as she checked her healed arms.
“i’m disappointed with you,” he finally broke the silence.
“really?” she frowned. he always does this thing where he will immediately go into lecture mood every time she does something that pisses him off. it’s almost like a game to her as she waited for him to explode, “right now? not even going to wait until i’m discharged. this is a new record, toshi. like shoko said, i’m fine.” he shook his head, “it doesn’t make it right. you always disobeyed me. ignored my orders, going about with your goddamn big head, you could’ve been killed.”
she rolled her eyes, noritoshi is being noritoshi, what a drama queen, she mentally rolled her eyes, “but i’m not,” she pushed her hair back, twisting it easily into a simple loose knot, “i told you, i am not weak.”
“your shikigami was destroyed, your blood was poisoned, 70 percent was already circulating to every part of your vein, i had to beg for the higher up to help purify your blood,” her smile died down. this game no longer feels fun for her. noritoshi was really mad this time. “you think it’s fun and all game but game over, y/n. you need to stop doing this. if you can’t do it for me, do it for yourself.”
“leave me alone, nori, if you just going to nag, please i don’t want to hear it. i’m tired.”
it made him angry that she was taking his word lightly. running his hand in his messy hair, he felt like hauling his head to the wall.
“you don’t understand-”
she slammed her hand on the bed, interrupting his words, “no YOU don’t understand me, i’m tired of you babying me. i’m an adult, i am your wife, stop treating me like a fucking child! we have been married for months, but god you’re suffocating me.”
“i will when you stop endangering yourself. i will stop treating your like a child when you stop acting like one. you’re pregnant, for the love of god!” he threw his hand on the wall. the wall cracked from the force.
“i’m what?”
she felt the world stopped spinning. she was hundred percent sure that her ears and head were deceiving her. he removed his hand from the hole he made on the wall, his body shaking from the amount of anger building up.
“noritoshi, answer me! what do you mean- i’m not pregnant, i had my period this month.”
“you are,” he shrugged. he felt something hit him in the back; looking down he saw the fluffy white pillow sitting by his feet.
he pointed to the bedside table where a sonogram perched up against a tissue box. she was about to lose her mind. “this is not funny, if this is your mean way of fucking me up because i won’t listen to you then this is just fucking cruel.”
he marched towards him, his hand went down on his chin, forcing her eyes on him, “until you stop playing your stupid games, until you stop treating your life like it’s nothing, until you consider my feelings and my worries, as your husband is valid, i do not exist in your life,” tears fell down her cheeks, “like you, i’m tired too.
“nori i-“
he left her before she could say a word. she broke into sob; her chest was pounding so hard that the blood pressure monitor was beeping. the door burst opened but it was not the face she wanted to see. she was immediately hysterical. satoru managed to hold her wrist down before she ripped the tubes and needles off her arms. “no, no, i want nori. where is he!” she screamed as satoru held her down. “you need to calm down, it’s not good for the baby,” satoru cooed, but she was not having it. he turned to shoko, “her cursed energy is skyrocketing, she’s going hysterical, do something!”
“let me go!”
shoko held out a syringe, “hold her down.”
she screamed, thrashing so rough that she almost slipped out of the strongest sorcerer’s hands. she managed to get a needle out before she felt another sharp pain on her back. shoko pulled the empty needle out and they retreated away as she fell on her butt backward. she was reduced to a babbling mess, her eyes drooped as she struggled to fight the waves of sleepiness hitting her one after another.
“tell him i’m sorry,” she croaked out, before everything turned completely dark.
the blood pressure monitor returned back to normal.
three days later;
“are you still going to ignore her? it’s been 3 days.”
“she needs to learn her place.”
gojo satoru disagreed. he eyed the head of the clan, shaking his head before standing up. he thought he could convince noritoshi kamo to visit his wife, but the man was as stubborn as- huh, her.
“i think she have learned enough, she’s miserable. you’re miserable.”
the man glared at the blonde man child, raising the cup of tea up for a sip. the tea doesn’t taste as good as the way she made it. he left her for 3 days and he found himself struggling to do everything alone.
he, noritoshi kamo, 23 years old and the head of the kamo family, could not make a cup of fucking tea.
she always said that the best way to make tea depends on how long you let it steep. “too early and you won’t get the right amount of flavour,” she explained, her back facing him as he watched from the counter as she loomed over the stove, “but if you steep it way too long you going to burn the tea leaves and it will make everything taste bitter.” she turned around, a huge smile on her face that made his heart skipped a beat.
he frowned; the tea tasted bitter.
“she’s pregnant, she’s supposed to be crazy. you are supposed to be the wise one. she is going to carry your child for 9 long months, i can’t explain to you how long that’s going to be but she is allowed to be crazy.”
he dropped the cup on the floor when gojo’s hand grabbed him by his collar, pulling him up from his chair.
“now please, see your goddamn wife before i deck you in the mouth.”
“i will.”
satisfied with his answer, gojo’s demeanor changed and he was again the man child they all know of him. noritoshi could no longer focus on the report in front of him; not when his mind is full of her and only her.
would she forgive him? he wasn’t sure.
but he would spend his lifetime making up to her and the baby if that’s necessary.
#I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE IS JUST AINT IT AND I MIGHT REMOVE IT#jjk#jjk angst#jujutsu kaisen#kamo noritoshi#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi x y/n#jjk y/n#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo satoru#wild gojo appeared#tw blood#noritoshi x reader#i already have part 3.5 have written tho loool#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#writing: fics
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the ableism in Last Legacy
so, i wasnt gonna make a post for the main tags but after seeing some folks agree ive decided to speak up Once Again.
in Last Legacy, there is a lot of casual ableism that is written off as a joke--usually directed at Felix. Before going into the ableism itself, we need to acknowledge how Felix is heavily coded as neurodivergent. (i have adhd, so most of my analysis is from the pov of a adhd player)
Felix is characterized by other characters as a ‘talented but lazy mage’, and is often critisized for said laziness--despite the fact that he’s not lazy at all. He spent years studying a spell, willingly studied necromancy--which is illegal. if he were lazy, he wouldve given up on both long ago. he has shown to be hard working in his relentless research towards finding the spirit thief in his route, as well as being very fixated on his hobbies (taxidermy, necromancy, novels); all of this is something i, a person with adhd, can heavily relate to.
Additionally, Felix is passionate, emotional & impulsive--all traits associated with adhd. Adhd is a lack of regulation with focus, emotions & reactions, all traits Felix exhibits, as he spends hours upon hours studying areas of interest--sometimes even to the point of neglecting to take care of himself. Also, many people with adhd (and other neurodivergences) experience being a gifted child, only to burn out later in life. (in felix’s case this is shown in the expectations Escell thrust upon him, then Felix being expelled. even it being on purpose by felix is something people who have gifted kid burnout can relate to)
as a person with adhd, im very used to criticism; “youre so lazy” “thats stupid” “i thought you were better than this”. Felix receives similar criticism, from both characters we are supoosed to dislike, AND ones we are supposed to like. Anisa calls him lazy, and is incredibly harsh on him upon learning he fucked up the spell. Escell calls him stupid (although with more elegant wording) and even Sage and MC make fun of Felix’s interests (mainly his books).
Felix is shown to be embarrassed by his hobbies (both his books & taxidermy are sore spots) and the fact that these hobbies are also ridiculed is rude in it’s own right, but when you realize those hobbies may be one of his only sources of genuine joy (outside of mc, maybe) it becomes a little more hurtful.
focusing on ableism though, many characters refer to Felix as stupid, lazy or childish. His inability to cook is never mentioned outright in game, but the devs often make fun of Felix’s preference for olives, as well as generally using Felix’s inability to cook as a joke--as well as his ““laziness”“. We all remember the meme about what the characters do when the dishes are dirty, right?
(if you missed it, it was making fun of felix being too ‘lazy’ to do dishes and eat out of shoes instead. it felt very gross and ableist.)
Felix’s story is also about him proving he isnt in need of protection, as many characters seem to believe he isnt capable of taking care of himself--this infantilization is something many disabled folk face, though admittedly it seems to be a plot point in his route, but fans and devs are also guilty of perpetuating the idea that he is inexperienced, naive, childish.
All in all, most of the ableism comes from jokes made by fans and devs outside of the game, but the fact that Felix is perceived as lazy by the entire cast is something to consider. Many jokes are made about his laziness, despite the fact that he proves with his actions that he is far from lazy.
TL;DR, Felix is coded as neurodivergent (leaning towards ADHD or ASD) and the traits that imply this are often made fun of and ridiculed, in some cases used as a joke by fans and the developers, and its upsetting to neurodivergent players.
#fictif#fictif last legacy#open discussion as long as u keep it civil#felix is heavily adhd/asd coded#maybe even other neurodivergencies too#but i am sticking to adhd bc i have adhd
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fandom ship tag game
@cutechim wants me to die apparently.
i like really tragic ships apparently. lmaaoooo
** WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW “THE MAGICIANS” you have been warned. also a lot of Feelings coming from yours truly.
tagging: @hueseok @triviafics @bonvoyagenoona @playmetheclassics @breadoffoxy @yoonia and anyone else who wants to suffer picking only 9 ships out of 89247!!! (as always, clean copy at the bottom of this post for anyone who wants to do this!)
first ship
how am i supposed to remember my first ever ship?????? my age and inner furry is about to show....hahahaha
shut up. stop laughing at me. balto and jenna. wow. just- the way they support each other. care for each other without shame or embarrassment. yeah. ok. i will. shut my mouth right now before i incriminate myself even more than i already have.
first OTP
my god.....do i even need to explain myself????? these two are garrett and kayley from quest for camelot in case you don’t know who they are. my god. my god it’s been over 20 years and i still ship them so freaking hard. wow. whew. gotta pause to fan myself from all this Chemistry and mutual respect and admiration and love...whew....
your ship since the first minute
ur fuckin’ lying if you say you don’t ship them. literally usui is Best Man to Ever Exist Ever and aiyuzawa is the most selfless genius hard working understanding kind human bean ever. i will love usui to the end of my days.
runner up: rapunzel and eugene from tangled. who doesn’t love them?!??!?!?!????!?
ship(s) you wish had become endgame
literally fuck the show. for this. fuck you for giving us the most beautiful fucking short lived (but also not--if you know then you know) romance ever. fuck them. fuck fukcukfukcufkc FUCK!!!!! literally fuck them.
i cant fucking believe they made q die BEFORE HE EVER GOT TO REUNITE WITH ELIOT EVER AGAIN WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!1 THEY SPENT A WHOLE LIFETIME TOGETHER. A WHOLE LIFETIME THAT THEY NEVER GOT TO TALK ABOUT. Q SPENT BASICALLY A WHOLE SEASON TRYING TO SAVE ELIOT. ONLY TO FUCKING DIE. ELIOT HAD TO MOURN THE LOSS OF SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SO WONDERFUL SO GREAT SO FUCKING FANTASTIC. HE DESERVED TO HAVE IT. THEY DESERVED EACH OTHER. WHAT THE FUCK.
i can’t even. i’m like crying again. so i must stop now. as you can see. i am. very. passionate about them. oh yeah. them being quentin and eliot from the magicians.
ship you wish was canon
......you will always be my original baby girl
......you are my god given solace
(god what the fuck im crying again hahahaha)
we were robbed. we were fucking robbed. and i will never forgive criminal minds for this. never. morcia ftw. morcia forever. my forever otp.
ship that most of the fandom hates but you love
ahahahaha...... listen.... i dont think most of the fandom necessarily hates this ship but uuhhh.... i do know that you either love em or hate em and there is no in-between hahaha
literally fight me if you’re against zutara. hahahahaha. i will die on this hill.
runner up: yosano and shishio from daytime shooting star (lmfao ok go ahead and judge me for this idc hahahaha i also love yosano with mamura and i am glad it ended the way it did. zutara tho............zutara was done dirty.....i will never forgive......)
you don't even watch the show, but you ship it
ok this is kind of a cheat since i did watch the first season of the 100. also maybe the 2nd season??? i dont remember. i just remember i dropped it and my brother kept on watching it. but still. bellamy and clarke. i ship it. even tho i couldn’t stand clarke A Lot when i watched the show lol
ship you wish had a different storyline
i literally never cared for the main pairing in goblin 💀 i only stayed for grim reaper and sunny im not even kidding. tragic. forever tragic.... i just want them to be happy wtf ;;;;_____;;;; yes i made myself cry watching sad videos of them on youtube
runner up: moon lovers’ hae soo and wang so (sob sob sobsob eternally)
favorite ship that is endgame
i literally love them so much forever and ever and ever. they are so good for and to each other. if you haven’t seen this kdrama yet then i implore that you do!!!!!! It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
clean copy:
fandom ship tag game
first ship
first OTP
your ship since the first minute
ship(s) you wish had become endgame
ship you wish was canon
ship that most of the fandom hates but you love
you don't even watch the show, but you ship it
ship you wish had a different storyline
favorite ship that is endgame
#tag you're it#ships#ships ships ships#no i did not spend 3 hours going through all my ships to pick The One
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I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?
scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!
for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)
anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)
derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.
i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!
i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.
dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).
i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.
all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.
date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.
4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.
3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)
3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.
dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah
nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!
i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.
oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.
#meta#derena#dair#date#anon#this is SUCH a gushy essay but like. what did you expect#how else could i have answered this#this took. an embarrassingly long amount of time#but i had SO much fun so#citations for my ships#don't mind me *whistles under my breath*
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