#illneas

[am-i-a-human-being]

I have not seen a lot of people talk about this poet/cinematographer named 'Illneas' , so I just wanted to just share some of his poems.

His poetry is just so heart touching. I love how it always speaks to me. And his cinematography is just so beautiful! Here are some of his videos that are really close to my heart, you should definitely check him out!

#randomthoughts #illneas #poetry #cinematography #Youtube

[that-gay-jedi]

Always loved this channel but especially this rendition of the poem that first introduced 10 year old me to Edgar Allen Poe, which led me to all sorts of morbid literature and eventually to my obsession with tragedy in theatre, which unbeknownst to me predisposed me to like the Star Wars prequels long before I ever saw them.

#poe #edgar allen poe #illneas #spoken poetry #tom o bedlam

[mariamthe1st]

🤍💙🖤

#Writing #Poem #Quotes #photography #Video #A kid with a camera #Illneas #Words #Dark #dark academia #aesthetic #Sadness #Lonliness #Love #Relationship #Lost #Trust #Trust again #Why trust is so important #healing #infj #romance #Beautiful #Lyrics #Recite #poetry #Youtube #Sad girl #Depression #Broken

[ash-th3-fae]

just watched the morning after i killed myself by illneas and had the urge to rewrite it to fit with me personally so here it is-

oh yeah incase you haven’t figured it out yet tw/cw for suicide, implied rape, and other related potentially distressing content.

DISCLAIMER; No copyright infringement or content stealing of any kind is intended with this writing. All credit of the original work goes to illneas.

==================================

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I stared at the mould infested roof, which has just been getting worse by the day. I stared at the space between it and I. It felt so close, yet so far away, and I felt so small. I got up, and I wandered out into the hallway.

I grabbed the nearest food on the counter, and made my way over to the couch. And there I sat for the longest time, staring at the curtain that my mother never allowed me to open.

The morning after I killed myself,

I listened to the way my dog whimper at my bedroom door for my attention like he did every morning. I listened to the birds greeting the sun, almost drowned out by the sound of my little brother sobbing, grieving over my death. Which came as a surprise to me, because he never seemed to care.

I listened to the waves crashing against the shore down the road, teasing me of a freedom i never got to experience. I listened to the silence, so peaceful yet so deafening at the same time. I listened to my phone ping, time after time as it flooded with notifications, just as it always has. And I knew one of them was probably them, the friends I once, and still somewhat did, hold so dear.

The morning after I killed myself,

I entered again the bathroom that I’d locked myself in last night. I looked at the razor on the counter, amidst the mess of makeup, discarded wrappers, and flowers from my Mother’s new boyfriend.

I looked up at the webs that housed spiders up in the corners of the roof that I’d once been so fond of. They were the best friends I could have, for they’d never judge me, or make me cry, or order me around. They would listen to my problems openly. That’s what i’ve always liked about animals. That’s why I’d loved my dog, and felt so bad for leaving him behind.

The morning after I killed myself,

I walked down the sidewalk to the beach I hardly got to go to. I walked through the shallows I hardly got to touch. I picked up pretty shells and smooth pebbles and leaves ranging in colour. I felt the breeze against my skin, through my hair. I relished in the feeling of finally being able to walk, without having my feet hurt.

I walked through the main street. Went into stores I never got to enter, a few selling the town’s newsletter, all with my name printed on the front with the news of my death. I watched my mother at work, serving customer after customer with tired hands and a forced smile. And as I passed by alleyways I thought about the man that had taken my innocence. That had ruined my purity, ruined who I was, just for his entertainment.

The morning after I killed myself,

I watched my own funeral from a distance, bathed in the light of a setting sun. I scanned the crowd and, if I still could, I probably would have felt a sting in my heart when I didn’t see any of my friends there. Almost as if they never cared for me in the first place.

I watched the children, so innocent, so pure, so oblivious, so free, as they danced and played and ran and giggled between themselves. I pondered what it would be like to feel that free, just one more time. I pondered what life would have been like if I’d simply picked up the phone, and called for help.

The morning after I killed myself,

I watched as they talked about me on the news. About how sad it was that all these teens, just like me, were killing themselves because of a fucked up society just for some sort of escape. As if suicide was a door, with a big green and white fluorescent sign over it that hummed with electricity and life.

I sat as my dog laid at my door with his toy between his paws, as if waiting for me to come out, to come back, to play with him. Silently hoping that I still existed. Silently hoping that I’d come out and tell him he was a good boy and give him treats and pet his head.

The morning after I killed myself,

I cried. Because I realised that it wasn’t that I hated my life.

I hated how I had been living it.

#vent #The Morning After I Killed Myself #illneas #wynter talks

[entro-pi-a]

This is Goodbye Beautiful Human

If I was in the library of your mind for a while, I would place the smell of coffee next to the memory of you learning how to ride the bicycle. So you would remember that you have to start in order to find your balance. I would erase the feeling of sunlight on your skin. So you would experience it again for the first time. I would help you blur the mental image of your self-imposed imperfections. Because feeling beautiful is a decision. Maybe tamper with the spelling of your name. Just to mess with you. I realized that our existence can only be mirrored in the minds of others. And my favorite reflection was in yours. So I won't touch your memory of me. But I would selfishly hide a tiny piece of my laugh into your favorite song. So you would remember my stupid jokes. And maybe laugh alone like the weirdo you are. I won't read any of the things you didn't tell me about you. I promise. This is goodbye, oh beautiful human. But before I disappear from your head. Ι would immerse myself into the deepest shadows of your unconscious mind. And I would hide these lines into your nightmares. So the next time you face your demons. You might think that someone loved you.

#illneas #poem #20220719 #love #goodbye #beautiful #human #this is goodbye oh beautiful human #text #writings

[imsodunwiththis]

#illneas #for those who can’t find love

[mylyy]

A Poem To A Friend With Depression by Illneas

#illneas #poetry #APoemToAFriendWithDepression

[amarrymeinbostonwriter]

#this was cool #advice for your twenties #or just advice #it is well done #the cinamatography was pretty too #illneas #youtube #poetry #egyptian creators #world film

[antimnemonic]

*in hysterics*

#WAIT DO I HAVE A RESPIRATORY ILLNEAS IS THAT WHY I HAVE NO ENERGY LMFAO

[am-i-a-human-being]

25 28 44 49 61

Thanks for asking! <3

25. first song you remember hearing?

I think that I was in first grade and I took part in the summer camp by school (or it was the practice for annual concert...my memory is very bad lol) . So I was in this huge hall and "uff teri ada" was playing through the speakers. That is the first song I remembered hearing (more like the first one whose tune got stuck in my head heh)

28. five songs to describe you?

Older by Sasha Alex Sloan

I am not a cynic by Alec Benjamin

Numb little bug by em beihold

Que sera sera by Billianne

Matlida by Harry styles

Waqt ki baatein by dream note

44. favorite scent for soap?

I am going to be real....I don't really care about the scents for soaps 😭 I just use whatever 😭

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Hmmm I'll mention the one simple saying that I often used to say to myself "Something is better than nothing"

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Well it's from a poem (ik that isn't what is asked but I love this line so I am gonna mention it hehe)...This is from 'frequency of depression' by illneas:

"If the visible spectrum is too narrow to find any beauty,

Let's paint the sea red so we can talk about wavelengths under a pink sky"

#asks :D #moots <3 #:3

[weavingshop]

dnf and how to love on social media by illneas

a study of the real life facts of dreamwastaken ~ @/dreamhot (x1) // ??? // a study of the real life facts of dreamwastaken ~ @/dreamhot (x4) // minecraft basketball server, ??? // dreams twt // georges twt // dreams twt // a study of the real life facts of dreamwastaken ~ @/dreamhot

#web weaving #mcyt web weaving #dream face reveal #dnf #dreamnotfound #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #dnf meetup #cats weavings #mcyt #mcyt weave

[emilylprentiss]

rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people

tagged by @benantis​ (this is all sad girl music 4 u bb)

1. you don’t get me high anymore - phantogram, how to dress well 2. let me sleep/starving - one11twenty  3. bite - troye sivan 4. to the people i hurt - lauren sanderson 5. there are better ways to die - tanuki 6. home is where the heartache pt.1 - niko+, clans 7. mean - jnthn 8. sometimes - anthony amorim 9. this is goodbye beautiful human - illneas, lo.ose 10. hands - flatsound 

tagging anyone who wants to do this! my brain is soup so i’m not going to even try to remember usernames right now fjdksjfsd

#tag games

[getalifehri]

14

24 December 2022

I found this on illneas, a YouTube channel. I watch them a lot. This still from their latest video was... very emotional without being in context tbh...

Video link :

#Youtube

[commonplac3s]

This is Goodbye Beautiful Human

And I would hide these lines into your nightmares,  So the next time you face your demons You might think that someone loved you.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu_FcDP2FDA&ab_channel=illneas]

#poetry

[imsodunwiththis]

#illneas #triggering content #i wanna kms #tw self h4rm #tw su1c1d3 #shblr #tw sucidal ideation #self mutalition #tw self loathing #styrotwt #dont report just block #tw selfhate #block don’t report #hate myself #sad thoughts #depressing post #depressing shit #deppresion #deppressed #kinda depressing #this is depressing #do you still practice smiling in the mirror?

[unfathomable-understanding]

I confess to you in the most blasphemous and loving way - JustMeWriting (ao3) - web weaving

“I WANTED TO BE LOVED SO DESPERATELY

THAT MY FINGERS SHOOK WITH IT

I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL

BUT I COULD BE”

What I Could Never Confess Without Some Bravado - Emily Palermo

“Yes, there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are.”

The Future - Neil Hilborn

love is insane you feel like you’re always subtly asking “do you still love me even though I'm flawed” and the answer just keeps being yes

rebeccabinch (tumblr)

“I’ve hoarded

your name in my mouth for months. My throat

is a beehive pitched in a river. Look!

Look how long this love can hold its breath.”

Your Love Finds Its Way Back - Sierra DeMulder

“He said, “I always thought that one had to deserve love, I worked so hard to merit it.””

The Diary of Anaïs Nin - Anaïs Nin

“I’m not used to being loved. I wouldn’t know what to do.”

The Short Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald: A New Collection - F. Scott Fitzgerald 

“I, in my corner, with my monstrous needs.”

As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh - Susan Sontag

“I am sorry. I am grateful. 

I just want us to be friends now, forever.

Take this bowl of blackberries from the garden.

The sun has made them warm.

I picked them just for you. I promise

I will try to stay on my side of the couch.”

Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude - Ross Gay

“He understands why people hold hands: he’d always thought it was about possessiveness, saying This is mine. But it’s about maintaining contact. It’s about speaking without words. It is about I want you with me and don’t go.” 

City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) - Cassandra Clare

"Where do ideas come from" I wondered 

 and you whispered in my ear 

"If I told you it wouldn't be art" Where Do Ideas Come From - Illneas (YouTube)

#my art #fanfiction #zukka #zukka fanfic #ao3 #soft #love #touch #soulmate #ictyitmbalw