#ill just leave it at that for now im not done w the book yet so i might post more when i get to the actual purpose of the book

[coridallasmultipass]

TW for racism and genocide of Native Americans

Today I learned that the original "The only good _, is a dead _," was "The only good Indian, is a dead Indian." And it really sucks that now I know this information.

Looks like it's speculated to be attributed to one specific Union general due to his actions, but it was more likely just a common anti-Native sentiment of the time held by a lot of the settlers, not just one person.

Like I know I hear 'the only good snake, is a dead snake' most often since I love being in snake discussion groups, which also sucks because I love snakes, and they shouldn't be killed.

But I've also heard like 'the only good Nazi, is a dead Nazi.' And like, I So agree with that, fuck Nazis, but I don't want to think about the original phrase being reclaimed like that for a laugh, no matter how much I agree that Nazis suck.

It should stay as horrifying and sickening as 'the only good Indian, is a dead Indian' in my opinion. I think we should retire the phrase entirely and just note that, that was the origin of it - the continued genocide of Native Americans during the 1800s when settlers were eager to get rid of us so they could claim property for themselves while forcing us into insufficient reservations as US America expanded westward.

This book I'm reading describes that the usual retaliation for the theft of a cow would have been the execution of an entire Indian village. One specific horrifying example given, is from accounts of a traveler that joined a group of Mexicans pursuing Indians (Chumash) in possession of stolen horses. They come across a group of some old Indians, women and children, drying the horse meat. Every last one was killed, and their ears cut off as proof for the priests that they made every effort to retrieve the horses.

This shit is so sickening. They were hungry and trying to survive.

It also describes how the accounts of Indians from my tribe before the mission system were all about how generous and welcoming they were. (Though, it was through the lens of the Spanish who saw us as ideal candidates for conversion because of this.) Then after the collapse of the missions and post-assimilation, the accounts simply describe the Indians' drunkenness and disorder. What did you expect???? You assimilate a group of people so they're entirely reliant on you (the rigid structure of the mission system and the dismantling of their previous tribal villages), and then suddenly turn them out to a world without their previous villages and social order. Of course they're going to struggle and suffer and abuse the drugs (alcohol) you introduced them to.

I hate this so much.

The book also mentions how, during the mission period, anyone who ran away from the missions to go back to their original tribal lives, would be dragged back to the missions and cruelly punished with restraints, lashing, or stocks, and they couldn't understand why because punishment was exceedingly rare before Spanish rule.

Ugh. Anyway.

I'm going to bring this up any time I hear anyone mention that phrase, because the horror of that time period should not be diminished in its modern reclamation. ('Diminished,' because I, a 30yo Native American, did not even know the origin. I thought it was a modern phrase. Our local Native history was always glossed over in school to focus on the mission system. I didn't even learn of my tribe's revolt until like 2016 when I went to a lecture my tribe held.)

I get that reclamation is supposed to be like a good thing, to take away the power of its original use, but I personally don't think that's appropriate for this phrase that was used as a rally for genocide.

Maybe I'm just being a sensitive baby, though, who knows! I'm crying while reading a history book about my tribe. This shit really hurts deep, though. It always has.

#native #native american #n8v #ndn #the only good indian is a dead indian #history #american indian #indigenous #chumash #california #idk what to tag this bro #racism #genocide #prob gonna get this post blacklisted for that word with the current world events ugh #ill just leave it at that for now im not done w the book yet so i might post more when i get to the actual purpose of the book #this is just like part of the intro to set the historical background the book is focused on our cave art and i havent gotten there yet #Cori.exe #Post.exe #maybe this was something obvious to other people but i literally had no idea i dont watch westerns or anything... #...like that where i couldve heard the original phrase before today #this is the shit those 'parents rights' nuts dont want youth educated about #but we need to learn this even when its extremely uncomfortable because this is how life was for people in the 1800s #anyway ill leave it at that i wanna get through this book its already been renewed once and i still have a lot more to read

[impossible-rat-babies]

15 lines of dialogue

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

i got tagged by @lilas! ty friend! im gonna tag (sorry for possible double tagging): @thevikingwoman, @hythlodaes, @lavampira, @consulaaris, @gefiltefished, @scionshtola, @starrypawz and anyone else!

a lot of these are from unfinished wips w/o context, im so sorry

1. “Nay, I should have spoken my mind soon after arriving Slitherbough. Mistaken as you were to my nature upon us reuniting, I would not so easily cast aside that which you beheld.” They pause, a bitter smile coming to their lips. “A brilliant soul, I have been called before— nomenclature befitting Hydaelyn’s Chosen. And yet it is not Her light which eats away at me now.”

2. “I care in the loneliness that stood before me in the place beyond the stars. How it looked down at me and I wondered how I had not yet memorized its face. How it asked me if this would be the last time I would gaze upon its face, and if the ache between my ribs would leave me.”

3. Eyrie pauses, worrying their lip. “Pity—pity and sorrow ‘twas what I felt most keenly. Not truly alive, but never allowed to die. A most vile fate for a once great wyrm of the first brood.”

4. “Keeping yourself busy are you?” Alisiae asks, shutting the door behind her. They hold up the book idly, a sigh escaping their lips.

“T’was Krile’s idea. A measure put in place should my vision stagnate at this state, or deteriorate further.”

5. “I know, Alisaie.” They whisper softly, reaching out again to take her hands. Tinged with barely there warmth and stiff fingers as their hold her hands tight. “I know I am dying. I can feel it—beneath my chest, next to my heart. ‘Tis so very dark and cold there.”

“Then why?” She asks, voice tender in her throat. Fingers tensing in their gentle hold. “Why keep telling us it is going to be okay?”

“I would not have us give into grief.” They reply.

“Tis for the dead we grieve, not for the living. With the ache in my chest comes fear, but I would not give up hope. I would not see sorrow rob us of what time we have left. I would not see you mourn just yet.”

6. “Tis easy to peer from the outside in and question why your grandfather gave his life unto a people so fit to squabble and worry naught of any greater threat than that beyond their own borders. Your anger was not unfounded, Alisaie.”

“Still…I should have known better. What would grandfather have had to say?”

Eyrie grins, inclining their head towards her. “Oh something important I would imagine—he was oft given to providing sage advice…if asked or not.”

7. They look up at the sky stretching so far above—the distant twinkling of the stars.

“Ignorant I was to the horrors that would follow. All of my many long years in the wood had made me blind. To what one had to endure—what one would be asked to do; what I have done to my fellow man. There came a time when I stopped and looked back to see myself very far from the intentions that first compelled my feet to walk forward. And there would be no returning.”

8. “I can storm the tower, Y’shtola. ‘Tis simply…”

They rub their hands together, eyes narrowing.

“I do not trust my hands. Alphinaud tended to some of my hurts, but I was more afraid of his touch. Afraid of my own hands should he have found a bruise too tender or raw; what horrors a simple touch would invite into my head. If i had grabbed his wrist in my terror and broken it…how could I forgive myself for that? For hurting him?”

9. They pause, letting the words sink in as the boy deflates, working his lips in ill disguised frustration.

“Alphinaud.” They break the heavy silence looming above them. “I am not a sword to point at the enemies of Eorzea, or the Scions. I am not a soldier to be ordered about—told of my singular duty and thus committed to the cause without fear. Without despair or anxiety. Standing as a shield before the plight of a helpless world, begging for a hero to lead her to a new path. There is resentment there, Alphinaud—I will not lie. I love Eorzea.”

#im only doing 9 bc im running out of wips #but ty for the tag i appreciate it ^^ #eyrie doesn't talk a lot but they are very verbose when they do #oc: eyrie kisne #ffxiv

[rianafying]

hello diary i’m back idk what is happening or why i ever feel what i feel, but here goes nothing

i’ve been feeling very creative today, had a terrible morning woke up insanely dehydrated, could barely move, my arthritis and psoriasis had flared up as well, i had to cancel my gig but they’re fine, they had other people on board. i don’t really feel like i missed out because i literally couldn’t have gone and needed to stay home and rehydrate, plus it’s like 37 degrees outside, i’ll stay home thanks. anyway, so i got some much needed rest and i ate and drank loads of water and i feel replenished now and i feel hopeful and creative and i wish i could’ve just started something, a project or whatever. but i have no many chores standing firmly between me and what i actually want to do. will is a terribly difficult thing to conjure. i had a telehealth appointment to get diagnosed w adhd in melbourne so i can access the necessary treatment, but they’re telling me it’ll be at least $800 and at least 4 sessions to just get diagnosed. and that to me is a huge undertaking. i told them ill think about it but what is there to think of, i know fully well i cant afford it. i wish i had an ipad to draw on. ive been wanting to draw something for ages and i could draw on my physical sketch book but i just haven’t? i just cant? its the guilt from all the chores i haven’t done. there’s a proper inspection due in 4 days and i just know it’s going to cripple me with anxiety as the date comes closer. there’s so much stuff that i want to do. and yet i do nothing. i’m not doing even 1% of everything i want to do, because im stuck doing 100% of the things i hate but have to do. when im older, i hope i get permanent residency in australia or any other first world country, i wish i have a safe and permanent place to live, regardless of size or quality. i wish i have someone who can help me with the tasks i struggle with and i can help them with tasks they struggle with and if we both struggle at the same things, we’ll understand each other, we can struggle and learn together. hopefully this will not be a romantic partner because i don’t think my brain is hardwired to deal with matters of the heart in a stable way. i hope that by the time i feel safe, the children of gaza feel safe too. i hope we win. i thought of them when i got dehydrated and worried that ill get a uti, i thought about how much worse they have it. i think of them all the time but especially when im suffering and im reminded that they have it many folds worse. i try to derive hope, strength, and gratitude from that instead of helplessness, and powerlessness.

i haven’t been able to take out the trash and get rid of my dead plants and they’re starting to attract bugs and i really need to do that today, i’ve been saying that everyday, it’ll just take seconds. i also am very close to having $0 in my account because i had to buy some meds and i found some vitamins for half price and decided to buy a whole buttload of them #forhealthiguess also its SO HOT. and im trying to avoid turning on my air conditioner because my electricity bill last month was $140??? like why? it’s a crazy world out here. crazy expensive. for the millionth time, i really should get a real job soon. or try to. i doubt i’ll ever have enough to be independent. i fear i’ll always be at the mercy of my parents. i fear i’ll heal too slow to keep up with the damage.

all day i did nothing. that’s not true, i went grocery shopping and i made meatballs, and spaghetti and it turned out great. the one thing i always cook successfully is any kind of pasta, never fails. i feel 50% guilty for not doing anything important today. such as taking out the trash, cleaning my room, etc. it’s the one thing i hate doing: house chores. makes me wanna scream, cry and throw up. i made a mistake, last night i accidentally left my earphones on the couch at reception downstairs and hadn’t even realised until earlier today when i was leaving the building and saw it on the couch. i feel so relieved that i live in a place where nobody stole it all day. part of me feels like i don’t deserve to live so well. because for nearly a year, i have been living wonderfully, everything’s going so well, and all my demons are inside of my own head. this is new for me. there’s no actual threat, i think. still feels like there is. i’m less overwhelmed than usual, but still pretty overwhelmed. there’s always too many ideas and not enough ability to implement them. how do i feel chaos and clarity simultaneously. i just need a break from this mental torment. i think getting my apartment clean will definitely help with that. but it’s such a big task, even thinking about it makes me fall to my bed and start to rot. suddenly i find that my body won’t move. adhd sounds like it’s so quirky and funny until you’re surrounded with piles of garbage and flying insects and there is a mysterious sticky brown patch underneath the fridge that just will not move. until there’s no space to walk from one end of the room to the other without stepping on and crushing things underneath my feet. it feels as if my brain has acquired an endless supply of shame and guilt. i will probably not feel focused until my room is actually clean. clean enough to be inspected. clean enough to maybe even have visitors. i get anxious just thinking about the prospect.

#personal #journal entry

[namuneulbo]

week seventy-two

ill tell u some highlights and then a longer conclusion of this weekend.

- won music quiz! free cider!

- restarted animal crossing!

- messaged walmart gerard again, hoping hell see it TT

went to umeå to write the swedish scholastic aptitude test. the travelling was so tiring TT i drove to the port (w mom ofc, i dont have my license yet) and we arrived just in time bc the check-in ended at 16:15 and we got there 16:16 and they were luckily nice enough to let me check in TT i did surprisingly well considering i tend to get anxious on ferries lol

like, 25 minutes before we were arriving to the port in sweden, i went to the info desk to ask ab how the buses worked and stuff and the guy there said i had to book it three hours before... i got so nervous ab not getting back but i ended up just waiting w everyone for the bus later and the bus driver allowed me to just buy a ticket right on the bus so ferry person lied to me.

anyways, i was just very happy i got to go on but once we arrived in umeå i still had quite a long walk from the bus stop to my hotel but thankfully it was more central than i thought it would be bc i was prepared to sob from being alone in the dark in some weird alleys or something. i arrived and the hotel was actually really nice and my nose started to bleed like a minute after walking into my room lol ALSO my room was on the highest floor, floor seven??? thats kinda epic.

slept horribly and my neighbours being incredibly loud did not help at all. i woke up a bunch of time as well bc i was terrified of sleeping through my alarm. i didnt get to have proper breakfast either bc breakfast opened at 7:30 and i had to leave at 7:40.

five tests ! math - math - swe/eng - math - swe/eng. i was surprised i didnt absolutely die. one of the assistants were cute and they were the one to like always hand out papers on my side of the room.

after having done all the tests on no proper food i walked back to the hotel, ordered max and just relaxed until i went to bed at like,, 22:00. i slept a littleeee better this time but still horribly. i usually sleep so well at hotels but i think it was just the circumstances, yk, being scared of not waking up in time and missing the test and the bus to the port.

i also matched w a kurtis conner lookalike but they have not messaged me since last night and im gonna sob they were the one fr (apart from walmart gerard he will always be The 1 4 me). we talked ab tattoos bc i messaged them first, complimenting their patchwork sleeves and they jokingly replied w “thanks! i like yours too!” (for context, i do not have any tattoos). i asked them what their fav tattoo of theirs were and they were like “idc, i really like all of them but maybe the one on my stomach” and i was like “ooo what do u have on ur stomach?” and they just... never replied. i am truly so sad, they were so cute.

today is sunday, as it always is when im writing these posts. i got up 30 minutes before my alarm rang and got ready to go down for breakfast. had scrambled eggs, pancakes, bread and half a banana. i forgot to take juice and the  scrambled eggs tasted ass. went back up to my room and did my makeup. my eyeliner turned out flawless on the first try on BOTH SIDES. i slayed putting on lipstick as well. right now im on the ferry. i had the same mozzarella sandwich i did on the way here and had pepsi max w it again too. i did actually look for some chocolate at the shop but they had no good stuff that wasnt ridiculously expensive.

sotw: the smiths - that joke isnt funny anymore

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

[gingergcnius]

some of y'all asked for more quirrell!ghost , so here it is !

most of the flowers that grow in the room are mostly anemones , belledonnas , bittersweet , black eyed susans , columbines , daisies , iris , marigold , pansy , willow , and the newest addition to the room , zinnia .

the zinnias start growing after sybill's appearence , and increases whenever one of the professors or students come to visit and practice magic and quirinus sees they don't have sybill with them . ( or a boy with golden hair , dressed fine from head to toe and the biggest and ' attractive ' smile someone could have )

he likes to watch the students practice in his room , as long as they don't damage what he cannot regrow . ( and it's not like he can stop the tears , his visitors a constant reminder yet like cold water in a hot summer day ) . it reminds him of a faint memory from when he used to be a muggle studies professor .

though he doesn't talk much , he will nod and tilt his head from time to time to show that he is listening to the students , and that he is not ignoring them . ( he will always listen , even if he is floating way up from the ground , curled up into a ball and sobbing his heart out . )

he is the most calm with snape , often the potions professor would drag in a chair , a book under his arm , and he would spend time reading . he insists it's the quiet he seeks , and he is not doing this for the ghost . quirinus is dead , after all . he died a traitor , why should he care if he came back as a pathetic ghost ? is his answer when someone asks . ( he never once speaks those same words when he enters the room )

sybill comes to visit ( both arms trapped in a grip by minerva on one side , Pomona sprout on the other ) weeks after , eyes red and puffy . this time , when quirinus sets his blank eyes on her , no tears come . instead , he reaches for one of the bushes , and plucks a single zinnia and hands it to her . no one aside from pomona reacts , she brings a hand to her eye to wipe away a tear .

sybill keeps the flower in a glass cage , a thick book laid next to it on the table . it's quirrell's book of course .

it took her a long time to dig through the boxes that had collected dust very long ago , having to take small breaks to cry away from them ( these were his , he had cared so much , he would be angry if he learned there were tears on them that left stains . )

filius and Pomona decide that it's an excellent opportunity for further experiences and bring their classes down to quirrell's room from time to time . it gets the ghost to speak , and the students learn new things . it's worth the small smile , the quiet yet excited voice coming from the ghost as he explains the plants , their uses , and how to take care of them . he sometimes corrects students , showing them which way to flick their wand and when to thrust it to cast proper spells . though sometimes he will be far away , hidden in a corner , not even brave enough to face the older students if they decide to bring them here .

( they learn their lesson to avoid bringing the older students , when some , who remember what quirrell had done , reacted terribly and insulted the professor to the point where it took another two weeks before the professor appeared back in the room . and another few weeks before he started responding , stopped crying again and listening to what said to him . )

the first time he truly leaves his room ( the students had decided to call it that , since it was easier , and to avoid suspicion around umbridge ) is a true disaster . it is halfway and a bit after through the year , and a few of the students decide to hide in his room .

at first , he doesn't hear the soft cries of the young girl and two boys because of his own sobs , until she stars sobbing just as loud as him .

curious to why someone young as her would be in such devastating state , he floats up to her . if you were to ask what happened next , he couldn't tell .

one second he was staring at a terrible scar on the back of her hand , and the next he was floating down the corridors of Hogwarts , followed by the pleasing group of three , for him to stop to not do it .

they do not succeed .

the amount of noise they are making , of course attract the attention of the professors , and they are shocked when they see the professor floating through the halls . not a tear in sight , fury visible on his face . he is angry , and you do not get in the way of a pissed ghost . ( not that you can , of course . )

for the first time , his eyes are focused , no longer unseeing .

he doesn't even bother knocking , he goes right through the door , and people hold their breath .

he just crashed Umbridge's lesson .

due to the lack of slammed door , it takes a while until umbridge notices the ghost .

" um . . professor ?— " " i do not remember seeing a raised hand , or me giving you permission to speak , Mr Potter . detention , after class in my offi— "

she gets cut off by a gasp , because glaring down at her is no other than the ghost of quirinus quirrell , the former DADA professor

" no . " his voice echoes in the room .

" p-pardon ? "

" . . i s-said , n o . " this time , his voice is much , much louder . it's the loudest he had ever spoken in months .

" y-you w-will not torture a-any o-of the students ! "

" i don't think a ghost has a say in how i punish my students ! "

a few minutes of silence , and umbridge takes that as a win .

it is not .

it's when a hand lands harshly on her shoulder , and practically throws her around , true panic settles in .

because normal ghosts are not supposed to be able to interact with objects , let alone another human being . and quirrell ? quirrell is inches away from her face , eyes a bright red , and he is not happy .

" do you . . k-k-know how i-i d-died ? i died w-when a d-dark lord p-possessed m-me . i struggled , f-for months , f-fighting a-against him . he punished me t-too . and you . . y-you r-remind me t-too much of Voldemort— " he is cut off when no other than sybill trelawney slams the door open , gasping and wheezing as if she ran a marathon . wide eyes searching until they land on the ghost . only then , she relaxes .

apologizing , she moves over to quirinus , softly talking to him and leading him out of the classroom .

the language of flowers are from a site i looked up , so if they're not accurate i am very sorry . I'm not very good with flowers :

anemone: forsaken , sickness

belledonna: silence

black eyed Susan: justice

bittersweet: truth

columbine: foolishness , folly

red columbine: anxious , trembling

daisies: innocence , hope

iris: a message

marigold: despair , grief , jealousy

pansy: thoughts

willow: sadness

zinnia: thoughts of absent friend

i was officially thinking of quirrell and his unfinished business being not being able to explain people what truly happened , and that he was innocent , but i thought , while writing the scene with him and dolores , why not add a little twist ?

so now not only his unfinished business is explaining his side of the story , it is also voldemort's death ( revenge ) , being useful and help the students ( guilt , from his DADA year . he had found dark arts interesting , and because of Voldemort he had failed to show the others his point of view on the subject ) and dolores umbridge ( he will not rest until that disgusting thing called a human being is gone from the halls of his home )

i also have a headcannon where the more feelings behind an unfinished business there is , and depending on the number of said unfinished business , the more in contact with he world said ghost is . like being able to touch objects , be completely aware of your surroundings , and going as far as acting like a human . and as you can see , quirinus has quite a few and loads of emotion behind it , especially when he focuses on them .

OKAY NOW IM DONE ILL STOP WRITING NOW OR ELSE IT'LL TURN INTO A WHOLE BOOK——

#woohoo #that is way longer than i expected to write #but i think #it's definitely worth it #now that im taking another look #if any of you noticed the small easter egg from when a small change happens to him #and make the connection to what he says #congrats ! #here's a cookie 🍪 #quirinus quirrell #sybill trelawney #severus Snape #filius flitwick #minerva mcgonagall #pomona sprout #harry potter #dumbledore's army #harry potter au #ghost!quirrell au

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

#chain of iron spoilers #chain of iron #coi #choi #the last hours #tlh #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #lucie x jesse #secrets #matthew fairchild #cordelia carstairs #cordelia herondale #james herondale #james x cordelia #drinking #the gracelet #the bracelet situation #parabatai #alistair carstairs #thomas lightwood #alistair x thomas #anna lightwood #ariadne bridgestock #anna x ariadne #grace blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #belial #prince of hell #enchantment

[vlogsquadssquad]

model for me - pt. 2

summary: a continuation of model for me. David and y/n go out to town for another shoot, will they be able to resist each other for the photos?

a/n: I feel like this one is so short but A LOT of people have asked for a part 2. I think its cute and im thinking of doing a pt 3, ill try to make that one extra long.

warnings: drinking, language, alluding to sex.

mood board:

your instagram post:

- YOUR POV

“so i saw that picture you posted on instagram,” david says as i walk into his house. “you know that’s against our contract for you to post sexy photos on your own instagram.” i laugh now realizing he’s kidding.

“oh, you thought it was sexy?” i say as i head over to the couch where he sat. he clears his throat.

“nope. definitely not sexy.” and then side smiles to me. i roll my eyes.

“what are you working on?” I ask plopping down next to him.

“well i’m trying to find inspiration for our next shoot. i feel like we’ve already done all the big stuff so where does it go from there?”

i take a minute to think and David tries to read my expressions. “you could tape me to your wall naked!” he throws his head back in a big laugh. “or you could put a giant snake on me... naked.” i giggle at the thought. he raises an eyebrow,

“hey those are good ideas.” his tongue poking out slightly.

“no no please don’t take me up on those offers” i laugh nervously.

he looks to me and for a split second i feel almost sexual tension. he glances to his hallway.

“NATALIIEEEEE, ORDER A GIANT PYTHON!”

“NO NATALIE DO NOT DO THAT!!!”

“NATALIE YOU WORK FOR ME DO IT!!”

“holy fuck you guys why are you screaming?” she says as she walks down the hall.

my face goes slightly red and i giggle.

- texts w/ davey😈

< i came up with an idea

oh god what is it? >

< late night, fun, blurry, slightly sexy photos! i’ll send some inspiration.

wow they actually look good! let’s do it! tonight? >

< yes and bring a couple outfits. we’re going downtown and i have a hotel booked to change in.

thank you daddy d!! >

< shut the fuck up 😂

- DAVIDS POV

“hey you ready yet?” i ask as i walk into her house. she texted me to come in. i look around the dark house. “hello? y/n?”

“BOO!” she yells out around the corner

“fuck, i knew it.”

“no you didn’t! don’t lie to me! i totally got you!”

“ok ok you totally got me.” I chuckle.

i take a minute to take in her outfit. she looks beautiful in red.

“i’m gonna go get my suitcase of dresses. i’ll be right back.” she says to break the silence.

- in the car

“im so excited, the pictures you sent me looked sick!” she says to me. I glance her way and flash her a smile. 

“yeah and I have the best model in LA so it'll be breezy.”

she smiles at me and my heart melts. I look back at the road and try to focus.

- at the hotel

“wow David, its beautiful!” she says as she opens the door to the hotel room.

“yeah I liked this hotel as a background. its gorgeous.” 

“hmm, one bed huh?” she raises an eyebrow to me and giggles.

I sigh, “well we’re not staying the night, but if its too weird I can go down-”

“David! calm down I was just teasing you.” she smiles. she puts her hand on my shoulder and I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. 

“okay, well im going to go set this down and then we’ll head out?” she nods to me

I nod back. I find myself watching her as she walks away. I felt guilty so I looked down at my hands. already sweating again. these shoots were a bad idea. considering ive had feelings for her for a while. how could I not? she's everything ive wanted. I get pulled from my thoughts when I see her coming around the corner.

“you ready?”

“as ill ever be.” she kinda looks confused but I usher her out the door with camera in hand. 

- YOUR POV

“stand there real quick. look fierce.” 

“okay now maybe lay across the stairs? pull your dress, show some leg, girl!”

I giggle. he's such a goofy photographer. 

“did you shave your legs?”

I throw my head back in a laugh and I see the light flash.

“that one was perfect.”

“can I see it?” I ask.

“damn yeah it looks great.”

he smiles to me. “okay, lets take a few more and then we’ll go change.”

- the hotel room

“listen I know its 9pm but were you planning on feeding me? I don't work for free.” I look at him waiting for an answer.

he chuckles as he sets his camera down.

“yes, im starving. lets get at least one more dress done and then we can go eat.”

“ok cause I was about to have to call my union.” he laughs at my joke.

I head to the bathroom to change. I have a couple more dresses but I decided to go with this pink club-y type dress. as I slide it on I take one more look in the mirror. I sigh and fix my dress. ill never be pretty enough for him. all night i’ve been having thoughts, ‘maybe he likes me too.’ I know i’m not his type so why am I even entertaining the idea? I turn off the light and head out.

I do a playful spin.

“whatcha think?”

“you look like a dork.”

I stop and pout. “what do you mean?”

“well, ive given you enough compliments on how beautiful you are today. i don't want your head getting too big and leaving me for a real photographer.” 

I laugh, “no, no. real photographers would pay me in money,” I grab my phone off the table and he grabs his water. “you pay me in burgers, so im all yours.” he laughs as he opens the door for me and I walk out of the hotel room once again. we take a few photos of down the hall and in the elevator. finally we get outside and David sees a perfect seat for me. 

“aha! sit there!” I laugh at how excited he got. 

“okay, okay, calm down. you'll pop a woody.” I laugh

he throws his head back in an infectious laugh.

“you wish.”

I cover my face as it gets redder and he snaps a photo.

“don't take a picture!” 

“sorry, I love the candid ones.”

I laugh and another flash goes off. at this point its just flash after flash he's laughing and im yelling at him to stop. im sure there's some not so pleasant ones in the bunch.

“hey, lets go back up, get changed, and then eat.” David offers after we settle down.

“we barely took any though!” 

“I know, but im hungry, and we took a bunch in the hall, and its getting late.”

“first reason was good enough for me. lets go!”

- DAVIDS POV

we sat down at this nice place to eat. she wanted steak so I asked Natalie where the best steak in downtown was. she said this was it. she's wearing a simpler dress now. probably still thinking we’ll end up taking more pictures. I just want to be with her, honestly. she's so funny and smart. 

“anything to drink?”

“cosmo please.” she says.

“just a water for now.” 

“a water?” y/n says as the waitress walks away. 

“yeah, I didn't know we were drinking! I have to drive back!”

“we can always take an uber, and ill have you know today has been very stressful. I had to change my dress three times!” she says as she flips her hair. I just laugh at her. she's so great. 

“here's your drinks, can I get you any appetizers?” 

“actually ill have a margarita please.”

y/n gasps, “David dobrik!” I laugh and the waitress smiles.

“coming right up.”

“wow I can't believe I pressured you into a drink.”

“hey, ive had a hard day too. I had to click this little button like 150 times.”

“our lives are so hard” she smiles as she takes a sip of her drink.

we finally start eating but im already feeling the buzz. we’re definitely taking an uber. everything y/n says is so funny.

after many many laughs and drunken slurring we call an uber and head back to the hotel.

“so we’re crashing here?” y/n asks slightly slurred but a lot better than before.

the hallway looks like its spinning in slow motion.

“I guess, I can sleep on the couch though.”

“no, its fine. I don't care.” she says as I open the door.

she's laughing so hard as she stumbles in. she's gorgeous. suddenly im thinking a little clearer. she just said I could share a bed with her.

she jumps on the desk and asks if I want room service.

I chuckle to myself and grab my camera.

“we just ate!”

“oh fuck we did didn't we?” she laughs. I take a quick photo and her eyes dart to me. 

“hey, I wasn't ready!” she throws a note pad at me.

“im sorry, im sorry,” I pause to smile. “you're just so incredible.”

“what...?” she whispers now.

“I know im drunk and tell me im being a creep, but I just have to get this off my chest.” she searches my face for any clue I could give for what im about to say. I step closer. “I have the biggest, fattest, crush on you.”

she bursts out laughing. im a little taken back. is she laughing at me?

“umm... okay..” I say, suddenly embarrassed by my confession.

“no no!” she yells as she's hunched over laughing. “I just- I can't-” she pauses to breathe. “I was in the bathroom today feeling shitty because I thought I wasn't your type.”

“what are you saying?” I ask, slightly smiling.

“ive been crushing on you sooooo fucking hard!” she yells. I go closer to her and put my finger over her mouth shushing her.

“people are sleeping and while I want to shout from the rooftops, I also don't want to leave this hotel room.” I say. she nods her head and looks me in the eyes. my finger still in front of her mouth.

“you make me the happiest guy in the world.” I whisper.

“you make me the happiest girl in the world.” she whispers back.

she moves in closer until our lips are finally connected. she's soft and sweet. my hands find their way to her back. her hands are in my hair. suddenly we’re moving faster and our kiss is getting stronger. I never want to leave this hotel room.

--

my eyes slowly open to the sunlight shining through the room. I rub my eyes and look around the room. I see a naked y/n next to me. her hair falling perfectly around her shoulders as she lays on her side. her naked back looks like art. while I love the view im also confused. then I realize im naked and my heart starts beating out my chest. it starts coming back to me in flashes. our magical night. her breaths are long and deep so I know she's still asleep. I flip over and grab my phone from the nightstand.

JASON: David answer your phone, what's going on?

NAT: call me asap

ILYA: are you guys serious rn?

MEGAN (publicist): Dave we need to talk

TODD: check twitter dude!

why is my phone blown up? I open up twitter and there I see it.

“David dobrik and y/f/n caught in bed!” read the article title.

“fuck” I groan.

“Dave?” I hear a little voice from behind me.

part threeeeeeeee?!?!?!?!?

#david dobrik #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik fanfiction #david dobrik fanfic #david dobrik x reader #vlog squad fanfic #vlog squad imagines

[happikattwuzheere]

im being deeply unproductive today, but in my defense i got a set of several complex pictures for the video project done last night, and i still have to actually assemble the files for editing and ill get to that but first let’s bust through some more of this backlog of deer boy au sketches and talk about ronan this time 

this is a LONG one probably, and also, yknow, because its ronan and esp because as you may have noticed he’s not exactly human in this au, there’s gonna be some discussion here of good ole ronan lynch angst-with-regards-to-his-existence-and-religion, so like, heads up there? and. discussion of like. some very sad things, but very very briefly. less discussion and more mention of them. look its ronan idk what to tell you aside from i have at least managed to avoid mentioning kavinsky for now so its not as bad as it could be anyway

(this is probably extremely rambly even for me, im so sorry. i can explain any number of things mentioned here in more detail if anyone would like) 

SO. ronan’s a cambion, at least by dnd terminology, idk how that term gets used in other contexts but the point here is he’s half-human and half-demon, BUT, v important to explain, even tho the characters don’t initially know this and it’s something they work out over time, demons are not necessarily devils; or, more accurately, there’s a category of creature that is not a fey but is somewhat fey-adjacent, follows their own very different set of rules to fey law and are reliant on ley lines in ways similar to a lot of fey beings and spaces, and that category of creatures was granted the name “demons” because that word already exists and this type of creature’s so misunderstood that people mistook them for devils. Whether the biblical demon also exists in this au i havent decided on and dont much plan to because its not super relevant 

BUT. taking inspiration from the horrible bee from canon, demons are, essentially, beings that are created due to a high degree of tragedy on a ley line, and the rules they operate by as well as their motivations are determined by the shape of that tragedy which created them. for example: the hornet demon from the books would be an example of what happens due to violence and bloodshed; it was born of blood shed in anger and life wrongly taken and as a result it exists only to destroy. however, not all demons are evil. example: take, say, a succubus (no stay with me hold on), like the one that niall lynch hooked up with made a deal with over in ireland one day. 

a succubus in this sense is a demon which is born of miscarriage; and they’re Like That because there, the tragedy is not one of destruction, but of lost potential and a life that never came to be. so a succubus is driven to make up for that lost potential in the form of, yknow, making another baby happen, 

and its that power of potential that is also why ronan’s got power over dreams still, it’s aaaall about creation and potential. and his mother, who he never actually met, she hecked off but niall kept the baby, wasn’t evil. just. operating on a different morality system but one which had no interest in hurting anybody. she’s still kicking around in ireland somewhere

RONAN meanwhile still has his two brothers, haven’t figured out yet if matthew’s still a dream thing or not, but. niall never got around to explaining how the demon thing worked before dying because it’s niall he’s terrible at explaining things. but ronan started being able to shapeshift p young--he’s got a fully human form, a fully demonic form, and a form that’s generally called hybrid but really he can shift to anywhere along the spectrum or just pop the wings or the tail out etc etc etc. his brothers both know ronan’s not human, its a family secret, its all chill, except then one day ronan shifts out the wings to help save a baby bird that fell out of a tree and someone outside the family sees that happen and from there things just get real bad and the lynches have to leave ireland in a hurry 

ronan’s demonic form actually ends up being strongly influenced by his own opinion of himself as he grows up; the church has him filled with enough doubt that he grows the horns and becomes more hulking and frightening and all that jazz, and he suspects that he would be burned or expelled from a church’s grounds if he were to shift forms on sacred ground, so he never tries it (he would not, because, as was previously stated, his mother isnt evil, but he doesnt know that) and he just. he hides it real hard. especially after niall gets himself murdered before ronan can finally just ASK about his mother

but! before that happens he meets gansey, who has a lot of interest in the fey and a theory that’s not quite right but is on the right track about demons being some poorly understood class of fey rather than something evil and that gives ronan a lot of hope for a while

yknow until he sees how much iron effs up someone who’s even got a LITTLE fey blood in them when adam gets shot and how when ronan holds that same arrowhead that put adam in so much pain it doesn’t hurt at all, rip 

he tells them that he’s a cambion well before he shows them the alt forms because there’s a point where he feels that they ought to know esp since ronan’s back to existential dread over what exactly he is, it’s kavinsky who ends up forcing him to shift in front of them for the first time, the whole kavinsky thing’s gonna DEFINITELY take at least one post all on its own a lot happens there, but for now: this is why ronan knew that pryderi wasn’t a normal deer (that and also because pryderi is a white tailed deer, which dont exist in england, so ronan was like, thats. thats not a real animal thats gotta be a fey) and also leads to some fun between him and noah because noah, unbeknownst to ronan, has decided that he and ronan are in fact engaged in a game of chicken to see who gets caught/outed for what they really are first. 

(ronan and gansey dont know what kind of fey noah is exactly. ronan assumes he’s something weak like a brownie. noah is definitely not a brownie) 

uhhh any more thoughtsssss 

last picture’s unfinished because idk why ronan’s fully demonic form is so hard for me to DRAW but he’s shaped roughly like beast from the disney movie, except as a big bird monster. also if ur someone he likes and you sleep using him as a pillow it’ll be the best sleep of your life w/ really good dreams and ronan also sleeps v well, its a thing that happens, ronan is in fact the best pillow 

#trc #deer boy au #ronan lynch #the raven cycle #longpost #lolsketch #katt blather #this one is...excessively rambly and disjointed im v sorry BUT have a lot of fun w/ the cambion there's SO much we've talked about w/ ronan #trying to sum it all up in one post is. hard

[kiss-me-kira]

2 Encounter w/ Kira

just second meeting nothing really exciting

cut for length 

The beach was lovely today. The Morioh sun was warm and the breeze was brisk. Maybe a little too swift because it kept blowing my hair in my face, but all in all it was very enjoyable. I had found a nice little cove downhill from some wild looking orchard. It was quiet and peaceful, so I brought out my sketchbook and some books to read. 

My sketchbook wasn’t working well with me, the pages were too big and kept swallowing up my doodles. So I switched to my pocket sketchbook and was working on a rough sketch of the sea and horizon line when my hands refused to do what I told them. So I took a pause and decided to rest my eyes. I laid back in the sand and pulled my arm across my eyes to block out the sun for just a few minutes. 

“This is private property you know.” I shot up, there was someone immediately behind me. I jumped when there wasn’t anyone there, but I heard rustling in  the trees so I looked a bit up and there he was. 

“I-Im so sorry is this your house?” He looked so familiar but I couldn't quite remember who he was. Surely I wouldn't forget such a handsome face. 

He exhaled sharply, as if that was his version of a laugh, and hopped down from the orchard’s embankment down onto the beach just a few steps away from me. Something told me he was so familiar, but it was on the tip of my tongue, as if he had just walked out from a dream. 

“No, it's not mine. But you shouldn’t be here.” His face showed no effect, but his voice seemed jovial? Was he teasing me? Was this some sort of inside joke I should remember? 

“Im sorry, I'll leave right now.” I gathered my things, not like I had many of them, but when I saw the book I remembered. He was like a dream, or at least I had thought he was at the time, but he was Dr. Holly Joestar-Kira’s son. 

“You’re Kira.” that came out sounding more like an accusation than I intended but it served its purpose. 

“Kira Yoshikage. And you are?” He extended his hand, his long delicate fingers hanging there waiting for mine. Oh god I hope he didn't see me staring, I scurried to move my things to my left arm and meet his hand in a shake. 

“Constantin. Nice to actually meet you.” Because coming into my room when I was fairly certain you were a fever dream really doesn't count.

 His skin was so soft, but his handshake was firm. I couldn't help but think of all the things he could do with those hands. Maybe he was a violinist, or a pianist, or perhaps a painter or sketcher. Ugh I bet those hands would feel even better under my dress or around my neck… Oh god that is not a good road to go down when he's right in front of you Constantin. 

In an ill attempt to quash those thoughts I nodded to him and turned to go back the way I came this was about as good a time as any to duck out. Which i probably should have done as soon as he mentioned that I was trespassing on private property. 

I turned and started walking down the beach towards the way I came. 

“Wrong way.” I turned around to see him standing there in an odd little pose with his hips cocked to the side and his arms crossed. 

“It's the way I came.” No response. 

“Well then show me the proper way.” If he was going to be short and curt I could easily do the same. He spun on his heel and started walking away. I guess I'm supposed to follow him? Of course the beautiful man who fell from the sky would not be talkative. There was no way I could completely hold a conversation on my own, at best I can reflect the energy that the other person puts in and he was not doing much of anything. 

“Like the Roman Emperor?” He asked, quirking up his eyebrow. Well that was surprising. 

“Yes yes, the one who moved the capital to Byzantium and converted to Chirstianity. My family is Italian and big on history.” It was usual to have this conversation with new people. It's not exactly a common name so I figure i have to justify it a bit. 

“It's an interesting name.” Was apparently all he could think of as a response. 

“Hm so I’ve heard.” Many times. God im so fucking awkward what the hell am I supposed to talk about when Im being escorted off of someone elese’s property? 

Kira led me down the beach for a few more meters then gestured up a small slope. I scrambled to the top, with him a few steps behind me, and tried to regain my bearings. Sure this was only a few hundred meters down the shore from where I was but nothing looked familiar. I didn’t even see a road nearby, just a tree leaning dangerously over the wall eyes. I shuddered remembering fainting there a few days ago. Drat, I would have to ask him for directions. I steeled myself up, ready to be met with a cold and partial response but he spoke first. 

“What do you know of Morioh?” What an odd way of phrasing a question. Was he trying to offer me directions? 

“I’ve been here about a week, so all I know is my hotel in the city center, the beach where I just was, the Wall Eyes and the hospital.” Hopefully 

“Which way is the hospital.” The way he phrased it was more like command than a question. And why the fuck was he asking me he lived here. Ugh he's testing me, that condescending little jerk. I flexed my hands so I did not clench them in fists, it was a good thing I had a pretty decent internal GPS. Yeah there was that one time I convinced my family I knew my way around Rome because I studied Latin for 6 years, but as it turned out a lot had changed from the 2000 year old maps I knew. 

“That way,” I pointed confidently over his shoulder and to the left. I was pretty sure that was where I would have ended up if I had left the beach the other way. 

“No.” He said flippantly, as if he’s disappointed I didn’t know better. I stood there like an enraged dead fish, glaring with my mouth hanging open. He was being cold and dismissive yet I still wanted to show off. I cracked the knuckles in my right hand and took a deep breath in I can be a nice person. 

“Would you mind showing me the way?” I asked in my best imitation of a regularly pleasant person. 

Kira blinked in a way that looked affirmative, or I was imagining things, so I followed as he turned around to walk around the wall eyes.

Once I stopped being as embarrassed and afronted, it was a nice walk. We were still close enough to the beach to feel the breeze on my face, and every so often I caught a glimpse of Kira batting his hair out from his eyes. Which as much as I hated to say it, was pretty cute. I couldn't help but want to reach out and brush it out of his face for him. But that would be quite rude and creepy, so I restrained myself. Of course I stole some other glances at him. He walked very purposefully, each step was assured, and he kept a nice rhythmic pace too. 

I cleared my throat, it had been silent for a long time, and now that i was actually calm I didn't want to come off as rude. He had been kind in his own weird little way. 

“Do you live around here?” Hopefully that was friendly and not ‘I'm going to stalk you’... 

“I live by the harbor.” He had slowed a little to match my pace. That was considerate, I think. 

“Ah yes I know where that is.” Shit that was too sarcastic. 

“You do?” He quirked an eyebrow up. 

“No of course not, I already told you all the places I know.” I forced a smile, and an awkward laugh. Please think this was a joke. 

A noise, he madea  weird noise, like a sharp exhale without moving his face.

“Guess you did.” That was a laugh? Maybe? 

“But that does explain-” I gestured loosely to his outfit, “this.” 

“How so?” His voice was lighter, and I could almost hear a smirk in it. But his face still showed no effect. He must be warming up to me.

“You work there, no? On a ship?” 

“Yes,” he looked impressed and I hated how that made me excited, “I do. How did you know?” He couldn't seriously be asking me that right? He was dressed like a 1940’s sailor. He had to know that. 

“Well you either work on a ship or you just learned the yablochko…” I nervously laughed again. Everything is fine. 

“I'm a surgeon.” He said in the lightest tone I’d heard him use yet. But wait, that didn't quite make sense...

“Oh-” 

“On cargo ships.” He clarified.

“Ah…” so he wasn't mocking me, “Oh that's very interesting actually.”  It was so interesting that apparently I hadn’t realized we had made it back into the city. Or the outskirts of it at least. It wasn’t like we had been talking for long, or about much, there was just something about him that stole all my attention. 

But now that I recognized where we were a little, I let my eyes stray. I think he said something, but everything was drowned out by a literal monster in the street in front of us. 

I grabbed Kira by the arm, not so gently jerking him back to keep from walking closer to that thing. It was pink and tall, with odd pointed ears and what looked like armored plating. No one else was paying it any mind on the sidewalk, but I felt my nails digging into his arm and didn't think I remembered how to breathe. 

He was very calm when it turned around to look at us. Kira glanced a few times between me and whatever the hell that was before speaking. 

“Ah, so you can see it now.”

#kiracon #Kira-Con #selfship #Kira8

[truly-abysmal]

Hope and Blushing

Peter Parker × OC

Warnings: Very light cursing, character with anxiety

Word count: 1620

》《》《》《》《》《

Mariah Parris was no stranger to neither hope nor hopelessness— she constantly felt as if she lived in a state of perpetual nothing. She felt so utterly alone in her life, despite being surrounded by her family, all living together in a cramped two bedroom Queens apartment. She never felt a real, true connection with anyone. There was no friend to talk with late into the night, no confidant to share her deepest secrets, no partner to hold her as she wept. She felt like no one was there for her, like no one truly cared. Sometimes it even seemed as if the only times her friends ever wanted to talk to her was when they needed help or advice. For so long Mariah just gave and gave and gave, and now, she didn’t have any left for herself.

    So maybe this wasn’t the best time to move to a new school, where she would be, once again, isolated from her peers— alone to fight the demons that lived in her head. This was the mood that she felt, the weight she carried on her shoulders, as she walked into Mr. Harrington’s first period physics class.

    The class was organized alphabetically, as they so often are, and Mariah was sat next to a boy named Peter Parker. Throughout the first few weeks of school, she was able to determine a few key aspects of Peter and who he was; one, his best friend was Ned Leeds; two, Peter never seemed to know when to stop talking; three, he was insanely smart; four, he blushed far too easily; and five, he looked so damn cute when he blushed. He also may have been the first lab partner Mariah ever had that actually participated in the projects with her.

    “So…” Peter started one day, when they were about to begin a new lab project, all about oscillations. “Ned and I are thinking about having a movie night at my place this Friday. I know you and Ned haven’t met yet, but I think the two of you would actually really get along, and…”

    There was that trademark blush.

    Grinning, Mariah continued to work on the project, listening to Peter as he rambled on about the proposed movie night, pausing every once in a while to take in a breath or to write down data. After calculating the natural frequency of their mass on a spring, Mariah finally looked up at the boy who still hadn’t stopped talking. “I would love to go, Peter,” she interrupted, causing his skin to flush even deeper.

    “That’s great!” Peter had a grin spreading wide across his face. “Awsome, cool! I’ll let Ned know and I’ll text you the address. I think you’re really going to like this movie, I’ve seen it a couple times before and it’s…”

    Mariah just hoped he didn’t talk this much during the movie.

》《》《》《》《》《

    The three hours between returning home from school and heading to Peter’s house that Friday night was excruciating. There were so many thoughts running through Mariah’s mind, so many ideas of everything that could go wrong, of how she could embarrass herself in front of the boys, how she could end the night hating herself even more. She couldn’t stop changing her outfit countless times and applying and reapplying makeup. Logically, Mariah knew it wasn’t a big deal to look nice for pizza and a movie with two high school boys, but she couldn’t stop herself from psyching herself up before leaving.

    What if they hate me?

    What if I annoy them?

    What if they don’t really want to hang out with me and they just pity me?

    Fifteen minutes before she had to leave, Mariah typed out a long winded essay of a text trying to explain to Peter that she couldn’t make it. She forced some dumb lie about feeling sick and needing to rest for the night, but sincerely wished him and Ned to enjoy the movie without her. It took her another five minutes to actually work up the courage to press send.

    Why am I this way?

    Why am I doing this?

    Why can’t I allow myself to enjoy the night?

    Her heart raced when she saw Peter had replied.

'Oh im so sorry!! I hope you feel better soon. See u monday then:)'

    God, I made him feel guilty. Now he hates me. Now he’ll never want to talk to me ever again. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?

    Four more texts.

'Maybe a movie night next week then?? Ned and i still want to hang w you'

'If thats not too forward lmao'

'I mean im not trying to be forward im just trying to be friendly'

'Yeah ill stop texting you now see you monday then good night!!'

    It was incredibly difficult for Mariah to sleep that night. The questions kept running through her head, over and over again. She was desperate for answers, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to find them. She almost felt suffocated by everything going on inside her own mind, as if she were stuck in a broken elevator, free falling to certain death.

    Eventually, time did what it always does, and passed. Monday came and went, and both Mariah and Peter acted as usual. They got their work done in between short conversations about what’s going on in the world and their interests. Mariah seemed to have personally insulted Peter when she said she didn’t really mind Jarjar Binks all that much, but the conversation ended in blushing and laughter like it had all school year. Tuesday also came, as Tuesday seems to do every seven days. Then Wednesday and Thursday, all much the same as Monday. Even Friday decided to show up again, along with Mariah’s invite to Peter’s house.

    Could she go? Yes. Did she want to go? Also yes. Was she going to go? Mariah still wasn’t sure.

    She didn’t want to cancel, just like she didn’t want to cancel the week before, but there was such a strong urge to tell Peter that she just had far too much homework to do and that she couldn’t make it.

    I can’t cancel two weeks in a row. It’ll look like I’m avoiding him and he’ll feel bad. I can’t make him feel bad, he doesn’t deserve to feel bad. I deserve to feel bad.

    Despite her apprehension, Mariah finally decided to go. The pizza was awful and greasy, which was fantastic, the movie was campy and boring, which meant the three teens could talk all they wanted, and Mariah actually felt like she was a part of a group. However, she wasn't the slightest surprised at the positive turn of events. It was a cycle of torture within her own mind, of creating the worst possible scenerio, and the opposite happening. She would make herself feel awful for a really long time, have fun for a few hours, and feel socially drained afterward. It never ended. It never improved. It only got worse and worse and worse.

    But for now, she could forget that cycle. She was in the good part, the short few hours of escapism with what felt like two new friends; two boys who actually listened when she talked, who made an effort to include her in the conversation, who asked her opinion on the topic at hand. It felt like years since the last time she felt that sort of connection with anyone, but she couldn’t find it within herself to hope for it to last, because all good things must come to an end.

    Eventually, that good thing did end. Ned had to leave, and Mariah’s curfew was coming quick. However, neither she nor Peter could come up with the right words to say goodbye— so they didn’t. The two sat together on Peter’s ragged old couch and talked about everything and nothing. They filled the air with the music of conversation and the art of laughter. They were bonded as one as they spoke, held together by the web of their words. Though the night was ending quickly, their conversation lasted eons. And when Mariah did have to leave, it was with a promise that they would continue where they left off next week. A promise Mariah had never heard before, but a promise that was held nonetheless.

    Religiously, for the next few months, Friday night became “Shitty Movie Night” for the three teens, and every night ended much the same as the first Friday. Mariah felt like she was at home when she talked to Peter, one on one, like she finally had the person. That person that you read about in books and see in movies, and she almost felt like she was that person to Peter too. She especially felt that way when the two shared their first kiss, when she heard Peter tell her that he loved her for the first time, when they held each other and just talked and laughed and blushed.

    Mariah wasn’t a changed person, by any means. Though she no longer felt fear at the prospect of being with Peter, the questions always running through her mind remained. She still felt scared most of the time, she still felt so much hatred for herself, but for the first time in a long time she could say that she was working on loving herself and the people around her. For the first time in a long time, she felt as if she had a support system.

    Peter may not have changed her, no one could change Mariah except for herself, but he did give her one thing.

    He gave her hope.

》《》《》《》《》《

hydrate or diedrate babes xoxo take care♡

#peter parker #peter parker x oc #peter parker x original character #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker headcanon #peter parker imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers headcanon #marvel imagine #marvel headcanons #peter parker fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #ned leeds

[rosenburg-lia]

What Does One Even Do?

WHAT? —  Lia has Vanessa over to discuss her situation.

WHEN? —   saturday night, april 4th

TRIGGERS? —  pregnancy

FEATURING —  Vanessa Montgomery ( @thevmontgomery ) mentions of Drew Torres and Tori Santamaria

lia: I cant be a mom, I barely even know how to take care of myself. One of the thoughts that swirled through Lias brain over the last hour. Still sat on the side of the bathtub, the pregnancy test laid on the sink. Her elbow resting on her knee as her focused trained on a specific spot on the floor. Her only move since she had seen the test was to grab her phone and text Vanessa. How the fuck does one even begin to take care of a kid? Taking a deep breath as she stood on shaky legs, collecting the test and her phone as she walked out of the bathroom. She couldnt even grab her usual vices to deal with the anxiety raking her body. Her body felt almost empty, her mind filled to the brim, but as she sat on the couch, wrapping herself in a ball, her hands instinctively fell to her stomach.

Vanessa: It was like her mind got a jump start reading Lia's message. Most of her messages went unnoticed, read, but unnoticed. There wasn't any reason she felt the need to see or speak to everyone all things considering, but Vanessa couldn't leave Lia at a time like this. Vanessa remembered going through all this alone. She remembered staring at the test, having no idea who to call and sitting in a dark room for days by herself. Vanessa wasn't going to let Lia go through that. As soon as she reached Luke and Lia's apartment, she moved straight through the house, finding Lia immediately and wrapping her arms around the girl. Was it for her comfort or the other girl's? It didn't matter, they both needed someone right now.

lia: she allowed herself to be engulfed by vanessa. the tears already falling from her eyes as she felt her arms around her. "I fucked up V," She choked out, "I cant be a mom," She spoke, glancing up to meet her gaze. She was grateful she had Vanessa in her life, even in whatever drama she was going through that made her leave town, she was still there when Lia needed her. But it would take some time for Lia, nothing was processing just feeling like facts floating through the air.

Vanessa: "you didn't fuck up, Lia," vanessa replied softly. it was all flushing back to her remembering this moment for herself. distraught on the floor feeling time collapsing. vanessa rubbed her friend's back, trying to provide whatever comfort she could bring. "we're going to get through this okay? together, i'm not going to let you do this alone."

liaa: "yea i did," She mumbled, her mind flashing through the memories of what shed done. Her night with Drew, telling Tori and subsequently losing her for now, and now this. "I cant let you say that without knowing the whole story," She sighed running her fingers through her hair. "The father is Drew," She spoke softly, "And I dont know what the fuck to do.."

Vanessa: it took everything in vanessa to pull herself together. she took a deep breath, "look, drew is an idiot, but he's gone through this before and i promise you he's going to do the right thing when you tell him, but i'm telling you you're going to have to tell him. you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't." she paused, feeling a little choked up about her own situation. vanessa stood up, and grabbing her friend's hand to sit on the tub rail. "we're going to go to the doctor and confirm how far along you are, but listen no impulsive thinking, no drinking, no smoking, no sleeping around, /nothing/."

liaa: her brows scrunched together at vanessas words, "What do you mean hes been through this before?" A sigh as she listened to her words, "I know, I plan on telling him. I will tell him," She paused before mumbling out, "eventually," Her eyes meeting vanessas as she spoke, nodding with her words, "I know, Im really sad too because I picked up a nice eighth," She chuckled, "Kidding...sort of," She sighed, "Im not sleeping around V, I never really have. Im taking this seriously, gonna read all the books and articles. Figure out my choices,"

liaa: "I dont even want to think about how Ill look pregnant, let alone if I have a kid," She spoke, "But I need to know everything, ya know?"

Vanessa: looked down, knowing she had to tell Lia eventually, after all that was the whole reason she came here. "At the end of Freshman year, I found out I was pregnant. He was there for me like with everything. He drove me to all my doctors appointments, let me stay over his place whenever my father got too much, even went on 2 am runs for me to get chinese and crap. And god, did that boy love my son with all his heart," she paused, her voice growing a little weak, but forcing some strength once she looked back to Lia. "He did right by me and he didn't even have to. With you, he's gonna give you and that baby the world if you let him," Vanessa explained. "We don't have to worry about any of that right now. What we need to worry about is you."

liaa: Her eyes widened, but she stayed silent, her brain did not however. The dots connecting in her head when Drew would disappear at times, realizing it was to go visit vanessa, to support her. A fond smile coming to her face as she thought about the boy, even as a best friend, he had been in dad mode from the jump. A part of her feeling warm knowing he wouldnt shove her away, or at least she hoped. "Im scared. Not worried, or nervous. But scared," She spoke, "Its terrifying to know that this has been growing in me, that someone is in there. Not just my organs anymore. I cant just go buckwild when I want because I want. My whole life is getting twisted V,"

Vanessa: "Come on, Li," Vanessa spoke softly. She wasn't going to let her friend be down on herself. She offered her hand out, "I'm gonna do for you what I wish someone would have done for me." Vanessa walked slowly, leading the girl back towards Lia's room and guiding her towards her bed. "Get in. Right now it's the size of a lima-bean at best. All this worrying is going to hurt you more than worrying will hurt the bean."

liaa: She smiled softly, taking her hand, following her through the apartment to her room. "V, its not my place, but did everyone know about your pregnancy? Or just drew?" She asked, "I dont think I want everybody, even the close ones, knowing," pulling the covers of her bed up, curling into them as she laid in the bed. "Ive grown up on worry, I think I can survive,"

Vanessa: pulled out her phone, her home screen showing a photo of Rocky and Vanessa sitting by a Christmas tree with matching smiles that took up their whole faces. "Drew's the only person who knew he was my son for a really long time, like almost three years now. Everyone else just assumed he was my little brother," she explained. "You only have to tell who you want to. I didn't even tell the father until a few months ago. Everyone isn't entitled to your life," she added. Vanessa laid in bed besides her friend, hoping that she was somehow helping. "You've gotta more than survive now."

liaa: Lia smiled as she saw the photo, "Hes adorable V," Listening as Vanessa spoke, her heart warming at the thought of Drew and Rocky interacting. "Im sure youre a great mom," She spoke softly, "Is Dallas the dad? Or did timelines overlap?" She asked, raising a brow, her tone void of all judgment and just interested in the part of her best friend she didnt know. "Why did it have to be Drew? Why couldnt it be Owen or Luke? Did God just wanna send a big fuck you my way? Want to ruin my relationship with Tori?" She sighed, "Or was it karma for not being honest with T from the gun? About everything.."

Vanessa: 's head dropped. She wasn't going to worry Lia about everything going her tragic motherhood. She wasn't a great mother, but that wasn't something she wanted to get into now. "Overlap," Vanessa said lowly. "Hence, me not telling the father until just a while ago." She knew it was wrong and saying it out loud made it all sound ghetto and fucked up, but that was her life. "Drew is not the worst person to have as your baby's father. Luke and Owen are not promised to step up, Drew will," Vanessa explained. "Have you told Tor he's the father yet?"

liaa: She nodded, "Thats fair, and at least you didnt have to lie to someone and or tell them you were wrong or something," She shrugged, "I didnt say he was, thats the issue. Hes perfect, the type to step up and actually support your decisions," She scoffed lightly, "She didnt even hear me out about sleeping with him, I dont think i can ever tell her im pregnant V," Looking at her friend with sad eyes, "It was like she was looking through me after I said it. I dont ever wanna see that look from her again,"

Vanessa: "I don't really wanna talk about Rocky's father if that's okay with you," Vanessa replied, not going too much into the subject. Her son was a sore spot for Vanessa, but the father situation was a whole different kind of pain. "Lia... You don't have to have this baby, you know that right?" Vanessa replied, her words slow so they could actually sink in. "I'm not on anyone's side! But you did sleep with her ex, you couldn't have expected her to just be calm and take that news like a champ. There's very few exes she cares about and you knew Drew was one of them..."

liaa: "Not a problem," She spoke with a nod. She knew better than to try and push Vanessa to talk about whats going on in her head. Turning towards her, a small smile, "I know. Im planning on looking at all options, even the ones that not everyone agrees with," A small shrug following her words, before she went silent. Listening to V speak, knowing she was more than correct in her words. "Its not that I expected her to be calm, but at least hear me out. She just defensive and harsh, which is fair, but i did expect some conversation about it," A small sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair, "its not like I meant to sleep with him V. I didnt hang out with him that night intending to see what his dick looked like, it just happened," Shaking her head lightly, "And I know its not an excuse, but its the truth. It wasnt planned, it wasnt like we ever intended on doing it. The plan was to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less, and now here we are,

Vanessa: "When have you ever known Tori to be much of a talker?" Vanessa replied playfully, shaking her head. "Okay ew! He's my best friend. I really really don't wanna talk about his dick! Whatever reason you had for hanging out with him is your business, but you've got to know that something was going to come from it. Drew too, but look we're not going to worry about that right now. Right now you need to get some sleep. All this worrying and back and forth isn't going to make this easier on you or really anyone involved."

liaa: "We've always been friends V, chaos comes to both of us, its enjoyable together," She shrugged, "I had never planned on being anything with him /after/ he got with Tori," She spoke, "All I know how to do is worry, especially when everything seems to be falling apart at the seams," It was true, everything she had known, was crumbling around her. Leaving her by herself in the storm, hanging onto Vanessa for dear life. "I just want it to be easier, but it wont be. And I know that,"

Vanessa: "You just gotta give her time, but you've also gotta be okay with the fact that she might never forgive you either," Vanessa explained, as much as she didn't want to think it would happen––Vanessa knew her best friend. "Whatever you decide to do, you know I'm gonna be by your side," Vanessa replied, interlocking her had with Lia's. "I wish I could tell you things are going to be easier, I really wish I could," she added softly. She'd be lying to saying anything about it, Vanessa knew /not/ knowing was always the easiest part. "It won't get better, you'll get better."

liaa: "I know, and I accept that. As much as it hurts, I know that she has that right. I betrayed her trust," She shrugged, "But shes always been there, i hate thinking about her not being here," A smile as she felt Vs hand in hers, "I appreciate you so much. For not judging more, or at least expressing it, and for being here. I know youve gone through something recently, and we dont got to talk about it. But it means something to me that your here right now," She spoke, an honest tone in her voice. "But youd be lying," She nodded, "Ive been told that for a while now. Seems like false hope,"

Vanessa: "Don't beat on yourself too much. We both know our girl can be a little dramatic," Vanessa explained. The last thing she wanted to do was be in the middle of this with all her closest friends involved, but Vanessa knew that everyone would be at each other's throats if she didn't stick her nose in it. "Lia, I got pregnant at 14 and became a teen mom at 15, I'm the last person who is ever going to judge you," Vanessa said softly, brushing a strand of hair out of Lia's face. "You know I'd be here for you baby, *but* if you do this dumb shit with Dallas I will put nair in your shampoo," Vanessa teased, wanting to lighten the situation. "You know I got you, pumpkin," she added, resting besides Lia.

liaa: "We all can be, and thats the real issue," She joked, "we all are dramatic bitches and most of the time it works for us," She knew that calling V automatically put her in the middle. It wasnt her intention, she genuinely just needed the girl. "I hope you know I understand if you decide being a part of all this drama is to much. I wouldnt be mad," She spoke, a small shrug at the end of her words, "Youre a strong person V. I know a lot of people dont tell you that, or praise you on other things. But going through what you did at that age, its tough for me now, i cant imagine three years ago," A small smile at Vanessas touch, "I would never with Dallas, hes like a big brother," She chuckled, "Can I admit something to you?" Her eyes turning to find Vanessa in the small light her side lamp gave off.

Vanessa: "I'm not dramatic! I'm just use to a certain lifestyle and anything outside that will be met with outing and tears," Vanessa joked back. She was going to be involved whether Lia called or not. "If you hadn't had called me, one of them would have." Drew would have called or even Tori. Somehow Vanessa always found out. Her head dropped somewhat, a long breath following before looking back to Lia. She didn't feel all too strong, the compliment falling somewhat on deaf ears. "Yeah, what is it?"

liaa: "Yea, not dramatic at all," She spoke sarcastically shaking her head lightly. "You arent wrong," She shrugged lightly, before her hand came up to play with my necklace. "Remember that guy i was into before tori and drew got together?" She questioned, turning slightly to look at V.

Vanessa: "Luke?" Vanessa asked raising an eyebrow. "Or does this have to do with those nice little Tiffany's necklaces you have for each day of the week?"

liaa: She chuckled lightly, "Ive always been into Luke, but its more of a sexual attraction than romantic i think," A small shrug, "And the necklaces are a whole different story for a different time," She rolled her eyes teasingly, "But seriously, again, youre the first person im admitting this to," She spoke before a deep sigh, "The guy was Drew, I had feelings for Drew. But then he got with Tori, and I distanced myself. Allowing the feelings to leave so they could be happy,"

Vanessa: "Plus Fiona would have your head if you tried anything that resembled a serious relationship," Vanessa teased. Her mouth dropped open wide, shockingly surprised at Lia's confession, though if Vanessa was using all her brain cells she could have known. "Amelia Jane Rosenburg!"

liaa: "Bitch I can take Fiona Coyne, shes not as big and bad as she pretends," She chuckled lightly, but knew that there was truth lingered within her words. No one that ends up with Luke or Fiona will compare to them for each other, and Lia wasnt gonna compete with that. "I know I know! But I did the right thing! I wasnt a bitch about it!"

Vanessa: "She will literally /buy/ you! Shit, I'd let her buy me if it weren't for her brother being the hotter Coyne," Vanessa joked. "Plus you can't fight people like Fiona Coyne, they press charges and then run to their men acting like you beat them or something then Luke's just gonna end up mad at you." She would never understand the girl's desire with the eldest Baker, but then again Vanessa's conquests never made sense either. "Did he know?"

liaa: "Yea yea yea, ive been told," She rolled her eyes, "I want to fight her. Ive wanted to for a while, not even because of whatever the fuck the relationship between me and Luke is. Shes just not a good person to me," She shrugged, "I dont think he did considering he tried to console me when it was brought up one day,"

Vanessa: "You're not fighting anyone," Vanessa replied, rolling her eyes playfully. "Do you want to be with him still? Like forget the bean in your belly and Tori, do you actually want to be with Drew?"

liaa: "I want to fight someone, but i can not right now," She spoke, a small shrug. Her eyes looking at the ceiling a she thought over vanessas question. "Yes," She answered, "Hes amazing V, in every sense. Sure hes made some dumb choices, we all have, but god that kid has a heart of gold," A sense of honesty in her tone as she spoke, "He makes the hard seem easy just by coexisting with me if I need him. Hes always willing to distract me or talk shit out with me. When weve gone out hes fought dudes for me because they cant take no," She chuckled lightly, "I want it V, i really really want it,"

Vanessa: "Then you know what you need to do," Vanessa nodded. She knew this was going to be a ride if they were to actually get together, but if Lia was happy Tori would have to come around at some point right? "My mama use to say everything's going to be okay in the end, if it's not okay.. it's not the end."

liaa: "I need to run to alaska and change my name," She spoke with an affirming head nod. Smiling at her words, "Your mom seems like a smart lady. My mom is a cunt," She shrugged with a small chuckle, "Can we just cuddle and sleep? Im done thinking about this,"

#vanessa. #barbie girl💫 plastics #tw:pregnancy

[nishitcs]

I HOPE YALL ARE READY FOR YET ANOTHER HOT MESS BC THATS ALL I GOT FOR U XOXO

let’s begin !

this is about to b the least coherent intro post ive ever made WOW what a time 

alright so THIS is nishita “nishy” malek and she’s...... SOMETHING

her label is the FLIGHT RISK which fits incredibly well 

she’s a Certified Bisexual Disaster

and an aspiring novelist!

OKAY. so born n raised in ptown, nishy grew up in a rly conservative n super religious muslim family, with 3 older brothers whew! and she had her whole life all but planned out for her by her parents who, although loving, were incredibly controlling

basically they wanted her to do something “practical” as far as a career went with their BIG goal being to have her married to a very nice muslim boy and centering the rest of her life around his family

the problem with that was....... she didn’t want to do it

SHE HAD DREAMS YALL! BIG DREAMS!

she wanted to be AN AUTHOR! and like..... homegirl really is the MOST creative like she’s been living w her head in the clouds her whole life and her nose buried in her diary 

that... of course..... did not fly w her family esp not her father who told her she was STUPID for wanting to do that

further ostracizing her from her family was the fact that shes a Big Huge BISEXUAL and is very open about it which they did Not Like

and like???? she didnt know what ELSE to do???? so she kinda just acted the part of who they wanted whenever she was around them but like...... she was Busy

she applied to college at a bunch of places away from ptown and ended up getting acceped to nyu! !!!!!! and her parents relented and were like “okay fine but when ur done ur coming home and we’re finding u a boy to marry”

and naturally nishy couldnt have that! so she literally just... dropped out of university MSNMSNS and went OUT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD and like..... gain some experiences n make some memories n all that jazz !!!!!! good stuff 

except she told her parents that she was on a study abroad for like.... the first YEAR. and it wasnt until she had done a fair amount of odd jobs around the world and saved up some $$$ that she told them the truth and they were.... Not Pleased with her

but she was doing her own thing so oh well!

she kept on writing and working rly hard at it BUT everything she ever attempted to get published was shot down very quickly mostly because everyone told her it wasnt “genuine” which is like...... a super fair and valid critique 

SO our gal nishy had a bit of a come to jesus moment u feel??? and was like “hm lemme anchor myself back down to reality n try to get some real stuff”

so after 2 yrs hopping and bopping around she went back home kinda!

she went to new york w the intention of trying to get back in contact w the one and only MR BECK CONNELY but she 100000% chickened out and never said anything to him WHEW

but she did write a book in which the main character was not-so-subtly based off of him and!!! it was her first (and only as of rn) BOOK SHE EVER GOT PUBLISHED *cue applause*

and uh????? honestly idk what shes doing now shes probably just about to run into everyone on pure happenstance in new orleans or something and then just picks up and is like “alright ill come with u all on the road trip” bc thats very On Brand of her

OKAY. NOW THAT WE KINDA KNOW WHATS HAPPENING W THAT LADY! here are some plots

I AM HERE TO FULFILL ALL UR EXES DESIRES bc aside from when she was dating beck..... who tf KNEW what she was doing

esp u ladies gimme something GOOD all u bisexy queens

idk angst???? homegirl rly did pick up and LEAVE THE COUNTRY probably w/o talking to anyone abt it much like??/ one min she was in ny and the next she was in prague so?????

IDK actually im #Terrible at plots so mmmmmmmmmmm lets wing it shall we

OKAY THANKS BYE

#snackpackintro

[mijaesung-blog]

bang bang !! hi everyone of this wonderful rp, it’s your least favorite dreamcatcher enthusiast blaire here to introduce you to my boy jaesung !! i’ll skip the introduction on me, you can find that on the about the mun page !! anyways, i was so super late to the party, and even later to post my intro !! perhaps i’m . . . a mess ?? anyways, let me stop embarrassing myself !! i have been ecstatic for the past week to bring you my very first muse, kim jaesung !! he’s 24, been an officer in the mpd for five years now, and is finally getting his first shot at being an undercover officer !! he obeys the law and tries to be perfect so much to the point it can be annoying as hell sometimes, but also highkey strugling not to fall into the pits ( or in love ) of the gang life as he goes undercover !! please do me the favor of checking out his profile, plots, or bio if you’re interested, or if you want to dive right in like this for some plotting in ims !!  ♡ more info under the cut.

he was born & bred in myeongcho !! honestly he loves it because he’s a lil’ traditional boy who’s a sucker for history and loves how much the island has. for a while now he’s been considering moving out to seoul for a bigger & faster paced life, but recently myeongcho’s been pretty busy and he can’t bring himself to leave everyone behind.

a-l-w-a-y-s been that little kid in class you never liked, lmao. like the one who answered the question before you ever could and gave you “constructive” criticism ?? the one who told the teacher if you said a bad word ?? yeah. that was jaesung.

he really didn’t do it out of ill intention, in fact he thought he was doing the right thing !! he kind of has always taken doing what’s right and telling the truth to the extreme, and always made it his duty to. he’s the only son to parents both involved in law enforcement as well so he’s always been expected to protect justice everywhere !!

he’s actually kind of really smart, like i’m not even saying this to brag on him but what the fuck else was he supposed to do but study !! no one wants to befriend someone screaming about doing what’s right every two seconds, so most him time was spent in the books instead of with friends from elementary to middle school, and therefore he started gaining a lot of skills, particularly in technology & math !!

then high school came and...phew !! for once, he was getting attention because he was getting cute, and even though he could be annoying as hell some girls dealt with it. tbh he’d never been approached before but he was super awk but eventually, he started adoring the attention !! but to this day he still can’t approach a crush without some stage ten blushing going on.

this kind of made him slack behind, but eventually, he caught up !! his parents had expected him to go to college as they had, but he was super eager to start his career and went right away to train at the mpd academy !! they weren’t thrilled he wasn’t getting a diploma but what were they going to do - his dad was a head detective there, for goodness sake !!

anyways !! he’s been super loyal & been a hard working lil’ boy for the past four years there. on more than one occasion, he’s been distracted by all the bad happenings around the island !! he’d been so closed off from it for so long so being strict & rule-abiding had always been easy, but after being exposed to the gangs and criminal activity he was sort of intrigued ?? and ever since he’s been having this internal battle of playing by the boos or leading with his heart in terms of the career.

this partially happened because he fell in love with a prostitute he was supposed to arrest but that’s a whole other story i’ll elaborate on later lmao ( possible connection, hm ?? )  

but he got through it and after that, for the most part, has been doing good !! about four months ago, at the beginning of the year. he was appointed as the newest undercover officer directed to see the happenings of the “underground” world !! honestly he was stoked because it was something he’d wanted for a while, but also secretly he just wanted a justified reason to be closer to the gangs wsefpowfe.

he’s currently posing as a columba recruit, but he still hasn’t gained their full trust yet !! kinda still a flunky, doing tedious tasks for them. he’s been sent to give information on a recent operation they’re taking on & see if it affects the mpd or citizens in any way. 

 he really is interested in what goes on there & the ethics of it all since their leader used to work with the mpd as well,and personally he’s secretly a bit curious about their method of bringing about justice. 

honestly, he loves fighting for justice but has also been drawn to crime lately so columba is just calling him. but it’s just an act for the mission !! right . . . ?? 

because he can be swayed by his heart at times, if you got some muses that have to get info out of a police officer he’s your man !! he can be a little dumb at times.

tbh he always either needs coffee love or to do something perfectly so if you can help him with that he’ll love you forever mkay mwah i’m done let me come love you !! 

#:｡♦ ⋅ ⋆ — OOC. #time to send & respond to memes !! #guess i can't make things short huh?? #mi:intro

[hypereactive]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend

4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.

billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown

rag’n’bone man - human

rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)

Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead

arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea

15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)

19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood

20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w

21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.

23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?

33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds

34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored

43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM

46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late

47. Have you ever been high? yea

48. Have you ever been drunk? yea

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup

54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.

55. Favourite blog? uhm.

56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green

57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes

58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce

59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee

62. Been arrested? For what? no

63. Ever been in love? few times now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair

67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no

70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it

71. Craving something? What? not rn

72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?

75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.

76. What colour is your underwear? why?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey

80. What colour pants? a darker grey

81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull

87. First person you talked to today? my sister

88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend

89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate

90. Name a person you love? my best friend

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex

92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6

95. Last movie you watched? i dont know

96. Favourite actress? i dunno

97. Favourite actor? i dunno

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? no

100. How are you feeling? i dont know

101. Do you type fast? yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly

103. Can you spell well? i think so 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep

108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house

109. Is something irritating you right now? no

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea

111. Do you have trust issues? yea

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend

113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yea

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually

118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so

119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it

121. Are you mean? no

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means

126. Are you currently bored? no

127. What makes you happy? i dont know

128. Would you change your name? no

129. What your zodiac sign? gemini

130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.

134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies

137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?

138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent

139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes

141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm

142. Favourite month? august and october

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.

145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc

146. Was today a good day? i dont know

147. Mars or Snickers? mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more

149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”

@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them

#about me

[lashydsdomain]

1-154. you wont

bitch

bet i will

1: Full name

lashy. das all you get

2: Age

19

3: 3 Fears

stairs, glass breaking, not being able to get ahold of someone

4: 3 things I love

my ocs uwu, my friends, my fucking tablet goddamn

5: 4 turns on

not comfy sharing on tumblr

6: 4 turns off

ill say ill come back to this one then leave this in the post

7: My best friend

rn i would say it’s probably blitztrolls

8: Sexual orientation

pan uwu

9: My best first date

ahh.... i havent had an in person first date still ;u;

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

not being stressed eue;;;

12: What time were I born

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

13: Favourite color

pale blu

14: Do I have a crush

ye u//w//u

15: Favourite quote

you know these things are asked and my mind goes blank

16: Favourite place

the woods just after it’s rained

17: Favourite food

im a basic bitch and just gonna say mac n cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

no absolutely not. nope.

19: What am I listening to right now

ambles playlist- it’s on ocean eyes by billie elish rn

20: First thing I notice in new person

prooooobably like. their face? typing style if it’s online

21: Shoe size

uhhhhhh i think like a womens 10?

22: Eye color

blue/green

23: Hair color

dark brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

loose and baggy because if i cant be comfortable what’s the point

25: Ever done a prank call?

HELL YEAH

27: Meaning behind my URL

lashyd was one of my first fantrolls and i liked the way it sounded

28: Favourite movie

mmmmm either labyrinth, princess mononoke or annihilation

29: Favourite song

no clue my friend im bad at picking

30: Favourite band

same as above sweats

31: How I feel right now

excited but tired

32: Someone I love

passivetrolls u//w//u/

33: My current relationship status

in a relationship!

34: My relationship with my parents

love my dad, kinda dislike my mom

35: Favourite holiday

christ mass

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

none, im so scared of needles ;u;

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

mmmmmaybe something stupid and simple on like my ankle?? i dunno what tho sweats

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

another fandom and i got bored with homeschooling lmao

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

i dislike them but they have tried to contact me a few times before i blocked them

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not usually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i dont text so ill go w discord and no i have not the last person i messaged was you shenk gdi

42: When did I last hold hands?

the 2nd ;u;

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

7ish minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

hellllllllllll no

45: Where am I right now?

room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

prooooobably my bf or my dad. hate alcohol tho

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

loud but only w speakers

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

only da

49: Am I excited for anything?

absolutely motherfucker im making new friends left and right

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

i got two uwu

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

:))))))) irl most of the time tbh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i would probably cry ugnfldkjfgslfdjg the last person i kissed was my bf wheezes

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i mean probably.

55: What is something I disliked about today?

ehhhh nothing bad has really happened today

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

probably my friend from serbia uwu

57: What do I think about most?

ocs probably sweats

58: What’s my strangest talent?

burping on command? i dunno

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

glass shattering ouo;;;

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

beh ind

61: What was the last lie I told?

calling myself a basic bitch lmao

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone probably? video calls make me nervous

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

hell yeah to both

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah i yell tossing salt on all my rocks

65: Do I believe in luck?

yeee

66: What’s the weather like right now?

uhhh clear i think

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Shibuya Goldfish

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nop

69: Do I have any nicknames?

lash, lashy, gremlin and then stupid relationship nicknames gldsfgjfgs

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

prooobably almost falling down some stairs at a con and chipping my shin and probably partly pulling my shoulder out of the socket

71: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but end up spending it ouo;;;;

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nearly

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

there are some half customized MH dolls so i guess yeah

74: Favourite animal?

cat uwu

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

drawing ambles trollcall pick

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

satan stan obviously

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Here - Ancient Magus' Bride OP

78: How can you win my heart?

art of my ocs ngl

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

fuck if i knew

80: What is my favorite word?

probably fuck if you would ask my phone lmao

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

passivetrollsblitztrollstavvys-trollsfilibusterfrogwe-are-the-legion

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

hey fuckers lets rumble

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

teleportation ngl

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

probably 87

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

sweats how about we move on

88: Bought condoms?

ye

89: Gotten pregnant?

hell no

90: Failed a class?

i think yeah

91: Kissed a boy?

yeeeeeeee

92: Kissed a girl?

nop

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

does it count if we were indoors

94: Had job?

not yet wheezes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

i dont think so i mgiht have when i was younger

97: Had sex in public?

n o

98: Played on a sports team?

ye!

99: Smoked weed?

ye.

100: Did drugs?

only weedles

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nop

102: Drank alcohol?

yes and i hated it

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nop

104: Been overweight?

ye

105: Been underweight?

nop

106: Been to a wedding?

nop

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

 every day p much

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

nop

109: Been outside my home country?

ye!

110: Gotten my heart broken?

;;;; yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

ye

112: Broken a bone?

possibly?

113: Cut myself?

if this is on accident then ya

114: Been to prom?

prom is a waste of time ngl just go to arbys

115: Been in airplane?

yeye

116: Fly by helicopter?

n o

117: What concerts have I been to?

blueman group and the 4th of july ones that play around here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeeee

119: Learned another language?

bits and pieces

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

nop

122: Had oral sex?

lets just skip the sex questions

123: Dyed my hair?

yeee

124: Voted in a presidential election?

ee

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nop

126: Had a surgery?

nop

127: Met someone famous?

yeye

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

god no

129: Peed outside?

this question is weird

130: Been fishing?

hell the fuck yeah

131: Helped with charity?

prrrrobaby?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah ;u;

133: Broken a mirror?

i dont think so

134: What do I want for birthday?

money

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

NO

136: Was I named after anyone?

i was named after two people uwu

137: Do I like my handwriting?

i can barely read it lmao i hate it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

my stuffed tigger uwu

139: Favourite Tv Show?

fuck i dunno probably cyberchase or fetch i dont watch tv anymore lmao

140: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere quiet but convenient

141: Play any musical instrument?

flute and violin

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i have a scar on my knuckle from making garlic bread ;u; wasnt even good

143: Favourite pizza toping?

banana peppers

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

nah

145: Am I afraid of heights?

mmmm at times

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yeah >w>;;;

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

all the mc fuckin time

148: What I’m really bad at

telling people when im not up for something

149: What my greatest achievments are

being alive you fuckers cant beat me i won over hundreds of other fuckers and im here

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Lets Not, Kids

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy so much cosplay shit and helping friends get what they need

152: What do I like about myself

im getting better uwu

153: My closest Tumblr friend

passivetrolls or blitztrolls wheezes

154: Something I fantasize about

being able to help my friends out of the places they are right now QuQ

155: Any question you’d like?

more questions for amble and my other girls!

#mun chitters #you thought i wouldnt do it did ya fucker #shenktrolls #ask

[aliwept]

WARNING :     MASSIVE TOKOYAMI HC DUMP AHEAD !  part one of ..... many sldkfjds i gotta transfer a lot from old blogs

triggers:  body talk,  religions mentions,  mentions of binding, self hatred and transitioning.

BELIEFS / MOTIVATION:

tokoyami looks at becoming a hero the “wrong” way — or rather, in a way that cripples his success.he doesn’t want to become a hero in and of itself, but to help as many people as he can.

this is usually a good thing, but it is motivated by his extreme guilt and self doubt rather than pure desire, believing that that is the only way to pay for his “sins.” (i.e., the destruction or potential destruction his quirk as/could cause(d).)

he holds himself up to an extremely high standard, (it is impossible to have a totally “pure” motivation,) one of being perfect and disciplined in every way, but he consistently fails to reach that (as any human being would), making it so that he falls deeper into a circle of self-doubt and pity.

he also tends to idealize his friends for their faults, and when those difficult traits show up he gets extremely bothered, then angry at himself for his idealization, then angry for bothering them, & it escalates until he’s simply angry at himself for being what he believes to be a burden.

this is an extremely deeply rooted process, one that even daily actions contribute to, & while the source isn’t completely his parents, it is certainly reinforced by his mother’s abuse & his guilt relating to his father’s death.

PHYSICAL:

he’s not particularly muscled — well, compared to his more muscular classmates. most of his muscle is in his legs & stomach. he does not have a particular training regimen, typically unmotivated unless prompted.

unlike the majority of his classmates, because a lot of his fighting is done with dark shadow moving him (so that it’s harder to predict movements, as well as going from a large range), the majority of the time he’s not challenged physically.

against close attacks, both attacking which he uses his sword for (seen in his dorm room), when allowed. he inherited that sword from his father after his death. he also feels fatigue easily, not so much due to muscles but because of his exhaustion that is his “normal” state, given that dark shadow is nocturnal. (this & his low work ethic. he works a lot harder when training with friends.)

he doesn’t feel the need to bind more than not, given his skinny physique, with his hips being only a little bit wider than the average cis man’s.most of his scars are on his arms, self inflicted from his talons cutting into his skin. parts of his skin are covered in a gel like skin, clear to see the feathers that poke out from them, going much like arm hair down his sides. these are mostly around his shoulders.

most of the feather is underneath skin (though the skin & the feather both have no nerves), visible with the skin being mostly clear (no muscles adding color, only the natural dark pigment) with the rest of the feaher poking out at a low angle to his arm.

HABITS:

he has a diary that he writes in religiously. it’s kept in a hat box under his bed when he returns to the dorm, along with a collection he’s had since he had been able to write.

at times, in nostalgia, he’ll read through his earlier books. he also tends to doodle his classmates in them ! he’s an incredibly private person — especially because his mother ignored his privacy, refusing to let him keep secrets of any kind in ‘fear that he was hiding something’ — but also enjoys putting his thoughts into words.         

PAST:               

tokoyami was bullied due to his appearance / personality. for someone who was already uncomfortable with his body (not knowing what being trans was at that point) this became the root of deep insecurity regarding his appearance, whether it was as simple as hesitation.

he is autistic !! he stims a lot with his hands, though usually it’s in his hoodie / under his cloak, because he’s very self conscious about it.  he also has adhd: inattentive type, bpd, depression & anxiety!

fantasy verse:  he’s a witch & i will fight you on this fact. my boy loves the occult. he’s also. in generally he tends to be superstitious, & more than that enjoys different rituals! it probably won’t show up in my rp cause i honestly don’t know much about that type of thing but ! he absolutely adores things like that, not necessarily because he fully believes them but because they’re interesting & he believes that they probably stem if only in part from fact.

now im gonna add some notes here.  while he is obviously pretty strong,  he has problems with control, considering that not only does he have to react, he has to communicate those thoughts with dark shadow. speed / offense / defense obviously are enhanced w dark shadow, as well as his own abilities (he would still be able to hold his own if he couldn’t use his quirk).

as well, a lot of his stats are basically his stats + dark shadow, which obv makes them higher than they otherwise would be. he also has really high stamina and working out for a long time doesn’t really. make him tired, nor dark shadow, because dark shadow doesn’t get tired & he’s not the one doing a lot of the actual physical stuff. he’s not good w weapons tho in general. note that these are basically during the daytime w/o a huge light source so things change when it’s darker/lighter.

parents:   tokoyami’s mother had the ability to call spirits of the dead to her and talk to them, & his father’s was to house things, as in objects, so he cld like. store things inside of his body. it’s real wild.

a quirk that combined with another in tokoyami’s lineage, so one of his ancestors had the ability to shapeshift, specifically with birds & banged w someone who has a quirk similar to aizawa’s, where it basically ‘stills’ the action of .someone’s quirk, if that makes sense? so down the line people wld inherit a birds’ features, but it would switch. in his dad’s case, he got a raptors ‘arms’ & eyes.

i am here to inform you that not only is he really short, he’s also chubby! espcially as a child. while he now has muscle! :tm: ive made earlier posts about how he doesn’t have a good. regimen & shit so. yeah. just like deku, while he may be muscled, (though he’s less muscled than. most of his classmates) he still is v chubby on other parts of his body.

also ! he’s trans & he has. a large bust, which he does not bind most of the time due to fear of asphyxiation. being demiboy, he is bothered at it at times, but dislikes tight clothes as a whole (like binders). this is because he is easily overstimulated by excessive contact with his body, causing sensory overload.the exception is his neck, which his choker is a source of comfort. (though, warning, there are scars underneath that the large choker hides!)

tokoyami. will say/do something & then become embarrassed by it, after the act has already been done. he’ll fuckin melt on the spot.

tokoyami is absolutely someone to leave ppl on read. or respond w several paragraphs w ‘K.’ like. that’s just how it is. he’s lowkey an asshole in that way but he just. he has to think a lot before having a response but he gets distracted & just leaves it.

he has dark fucking brown skin !!!!! people who draw tokoyami w light skin cause he’s a ‘pale goth uwu !!!!’ are weak & will be weeded out by natural selection.

people he trains with most are ,,,  mostly kirishima, kaminari, aoyama and momo when they’re available

he’s mix of japanese, native american, and indian!

self knowledge questions:  neediness, independence, shyness.

NEEDINESS: being affirmed & nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. this means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defenses and accept that you need another person. this lack of pretense is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

INDEPENDENCE: you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests & moves you. you are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. you know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

SHYNESS: part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. the upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. but when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

there’s an au where he’s tamaki’s half brother tamakis hmu

more ramblings cause i lov him so anw. i figure that like. if he had to have a motivator it would be an outside force but basically he’s riding on the fact that he has more physical ability because he doesn’t perform very well in studies. ( bird brain …… )

getting 14th place out of the class on midterms, he’s aware that he’s not motivated & as well as his migraines & other mental illnesses ( adhd, executive dysfunction, etc. ) this means that he doesn’t really reach his “full potential.”

he’s aware of this, though, which causes him to train physically. physically training also allows him to ( a ) feel proud of himself, something that he struggles with ( b ) help him generally, esp with dysphoria ( c ) get his mind off of other things / points of stress.

i still don’t think he’s like. as buff as shouji for example, though part of that is that he’s naturally lean ! & he has trouble motivating himself sometimes but when he stays up late ( due to dark shadow ) it basically wrecks his sleeping patterns, so this gives him something beneficial to do while also exhausting himself, which he hopes will help him fall asleep.

like i know that i said that . . he was skinny / not v muscled ( when compared to his buffer classmates, rather ) but i guess i’ve been proven wrong because it took both Buff McFuck mina and hagakure 2 push him out of the way ( not tht it took that long but that was w them straining / time skips )

so @ this point i Just Don’t Know. he got 9 in the practical which means he’s obv like ?? p good but that was the entrance exam. ( he got 10 rescue my baby !!!! im so proud of him ) & then w aizawa’s exams he started off at 5 & im tryna find the other thing what it ended up as but @ this point i’m just , pretty divided cause i’m not seeing much reason for him to learn to train w/o proper training ( & we kno that he’s not someone who was trained specially like todoroki / momo tho tht doesnt mean it’s not possible & at this point im just ) ya. he’s gotta be able but from what we know he’s not v motivated ? ausdjkfdsfjk we’ll see ig.

tokoyami is a mix of shinto (where his hero epithet comes from), taoist (due to the values), & hindu (again, values). i think for now it’s going to be some mix of that, though i’m going to do some research on shinto values since i don’t know much about it !!!!!

generally, he’s pretty superstitious, just because he knows many myths are based on facts, & the idea of ‘it doesn’t hurt to watch out for them.’ he prefers to avoid possible things that would make him have bad luck.

#dont rb or i manifest in your house n kill you /